Morning journal and courier., 1886-04-24
Fl ENTS.

Five million needles recently sunk with the ocean steamer Oregon to the bottom ot the sea. We hope the mermaids will take the hint and make themselves some clothes. Burlington Free Press.
 An English journal asks, apropos of dress reform ''Why shouldn't women dress ration ally without making fuss about its' Such an undertaking is possible, but we don't believe she will ever dress without making some hustle about it.-Norristown Herald.
 Tragedian (after delivering his speech, waiting for servant to announce "The car riage waits, my lord'D: "Where in thunder is that amateur?' (Espying him in the wings) 'tCome on, you idiot; the stage waits" Anna teur (after Q stupid entrance, thoroughly frightened): "The stage waits, my lord. ."- Tid-Bits.
 Tramp-"Will you help poor soldier, sir, who foug ht for his country three long yearsa'' Gentleman-s'There are plenty of people who fought for their country" Tramp-"I know it, sir; but I am entitled to especial consider ation." Gentleman-''Whya Tramp-'I have never written an article the late war. ar."-Harper's Bazaar.
 q suppose you are kept very busy" said Miss Birdie McGinnis to young student of the University of Texas who called on her not long since "Yes, indeed, I am kept busy It is not often that have a leisure hour to myself.'' ssWhat do you do when you have 1eisurea'' 'tWhen have leisure, and don't know what to do to kill time, I call some young lady."-Texas Sift- ings.
 A husband who had been out shooting, but had not been successful, rather than re- turn home empty-handed, stepped into shop and purchased hare. 'There, my ducky,' he said to his wife on reaching home, 'you see I am not so awkward with the gun after all'' ''Let me see!" "Isn't he. fine fellowa" HMy dear" said the wife, as she carried the bird to her nostrils, and put it right in killing him to-day; tomorrow would have been too late. ."-Tid-Bits.
 q declarer' exclaimed a High street woman, as she glanced over the columns of the evening paper, 'there's an item about our having bought house and going to move into it. don't see why newspaper wants to publish items about our affairs!" Then inside of half an hour this woman called out eagerly to her husband: "John, I heard the Tipleys had rented thst C. place on F- street. Pm just dying to know if it's so. Does the paper say anything about its'' When her husband found the desired piece of news she felt relieved, and had better opinion of the paper.-St. Albans Messenger.
 Scene in court-A small boy, caught in the act of shooting birds, has been arrested for truancy. Ofhcer-''This, your honor, is the young truant and bird shooter" Judg ge-'1 am deeply distressed to see you, so young a lad, cruel. Do you not attend both day and Sabbath schools, where you sing beauti- ful songs about the lovely birds and their little nestlingss And does not your own mother teach you when you say your prayers at night how wicked it is to shoot the dear birdsa" Small boy-''Yes, sir" Judge 'fThen you must be depraved. indeed. Your extreme youth would certainly demand elem cncy. If you were an outcast, an orphan. r - Small boy-"Then, judge, I wouldn't hal done it. Twas for mothers hat. That bird was ten times prettier n the one in your wife's bonnet, cause seen it last Sunday in Sunday school. She's my teacher" Judge -"Oh! Oh, yes. A case of necessity, I see. You were not shooting in mere wanton sport. Discharge the boy and bring on the next case. ."-Portland Transcript.