Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-21
AMERICAN ENTERPRISE.
The Servian Queens Experience With tha
Festive Sewing Machine Agent.

Festive Sewing Machine Agent.
We have just learned, on excellent
authority, that the day following the
announcement that Queen Natalie had
purchased forty American sewing ma
chimes and set women to work in the
regal palace making clothes for the
Servian army, an agent for machine
of another manufacturer secured an in
terview with her Majesty, on the pre-
tense that he brought news of "another
Servian victory" and Immediately pro-
ceeded to business. 'Your most
gracious Majesty" he began, 81 know
you will pardon this intrusion when
inform you that some unprincipled
agent, taking advantage of your igno-
rance relative to the merits of the
various sewing machines, has induced
you to purchase a perfectly worthless
article, but our company has resolved
that this great wrong shall be righted.
am therefore authorized to remove the
forty Hummer machines now in the
royal palace, and replace them with an
equal number of the world-renowned
Fireside machine, which embodies the
best features of all other machines, be-
sides possessing many merits Of its
own-a machine provided with an able
bodied teller, an electric hen1mer,
broad gauge reaper and binder, a self
acting baster-using double-extentiOn
needle, warranted not to cut in the eye,
and the whole business running SO
lightly that child ten years old can
turn out forty pairs of army pants in
one day" Before the Queen had re-
covered from the dazed condition into
which the effrontery and volubility of
her visitor had thrown her, the agent
had summoned dozen of his accom-
plices, and inside of twenty minutes the
forty ''Hummers" were standing on the
sidewalk and the same number of ''Fire-
Sides occupied their places in the
palace.
Next day another stranger sought an
audience with the Queen, declaring that
his mission was most important. ga
messenger from the King" thought Her
Majesty, who ordered him to be admit
ted. II have fortunately learned" said
the messenger, t'that some unconscion-
able person in the guise of man has
by actual force, as it were, placed in the
royal palace forty sewing machines
which are not worth the room they oc-
cupy, and will cause more dissatsfac-
| ton in the house than a cold dinner;
but you shall not suffer because of your
lack of knowledge in such matters. l
have the honorn-handing the Queen
his business card-''to represent the
latest improved and only perfect ma
chine ever invented-the Ne Plus
Ultra'-which is marvel of simplicity
and multum in parvo of usefulness.
Its sales last year kept our factory run
ming night and day, and the first of j an
uary found us with twelve thousand un-
filled orders on hand. The Ne Plus
Ultra has a magic futer, revolving
washer and ironer, automatic baby
! spanker and self-regulating alarm clock
attached, the whole forming the most
| complete and desirable household article
the ingenuity of man ever conceived.
am ordered to remove the 'Firesides'
| now in the palace and substitute forty of
| our peerless Ne Plus Ultra-and the
| only compensation we ask is certifi-
| cate over your own signature stating
| that our machine is the best in the mar
ket, and permission to use your por-
trait in our advertisement. And be-
fore the Queen could interpose word
of objection, the forty Fireside machines
were hustled cut onto the sidewalk and
corresponding number of me Plus
Ultras" were hurriedly lugged into the
palace. Early next morning the har-
raised Queen locked up the palace and
went over to spend week with her
Aunt Rachel, and at last accounts TWEEN
ty-seven agents were shadowing the
royal residence awaiting an opportunity
to bounce the Ne Plus Ultras.-NorraS-
tom (Pa.) Herald.