The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-02-18
THE PRESS.
THURSDAY MORNING, FEB. IS.
WIT AND WISDOM.

Two Frenchmen, one from Dakota and on
from Texas, were talking in the lobby OF Chica-
yes" said the Dakotan, 1--WE have good deal
Of wind in Dakota. But the Texas norther isn't
very Slow is III How last does y fFa \;
the Texan. "We can only measure 1t by electrlel-
ty. When It strikes town an they telegraph to
the next one to look out ten to one the the DlaS
ed thng'll be there first. How fast is a billiards?
WELL said the Dakotan, 81 don't know; we
time 1t by. The only one ever saw that could be
measured went twice as fast as lightnin.' There
was something queer about that. The thing went
awful slow an we couldn't tell what was the mat
ter till we found it was draggin' one of them tar
mel Texas nortners long behind"
Cogan's Tafy Tolu prevents seasicllness.
Cogan's Taffy Tolu makes pink gums, pearly
teeth and fragrant breath.
nThis natural gas is wonderful thing" re-
marked Mrs Fangle as she sat before the fire at
Mrs Snaggs's 81 wonder how they get 1t, and
why we never had it before?p
"Indeed, don't know anything about II never
studied gastronomy."
Prompt relief in sick headache, dizziness, nau-
sea- constipation pain in the side &c., guaranteed
to those using Carriers Little Liver Pills One pill
dose. % cents
Tom-we'ye got a bay window in our house
Bessie-So have we. Ana balcony,
Tom-Pooh That's nothing. We have two
bath rooms.
Besse-So have we.
T0m--We'Ye got something your folks haven't
Iheard papa tell mamma about it last night.
Bessie-Tll bet we've got some or EN- TOO. WhaI
is it?
FOR RAE UAIATIsM, LUMBAGo, NEURALGIv
Cramp and Collie there is no remedy superior to
the genuine DR.. Thomas Electric Oil
Where the European takes his dog out for
walk, according to the North China Mail, China
man carries cage, imprisoned in which is bird
and when he sits down to rest he hangs the cage
upon a tree in order that he may ENJOY the flood
Of melsdy whiehis poured forth from the bras
throat.
Scott's Emulsion of Pure Cod Liver
OIL with Hypophosphites. Is composed
of two of the most valuable remedies in the de
partment of medicine for the cure of CONSUMPTION,
Scrofula, and all wasting conditions of the body.
'tAh the first Mrs Bryne was charming wo-
man." said Bryne to his second wife few days
ago; Then seeing an ugly look on her race, ne
but then it's only natural should mourn for her
at times"
her most pointed way. ~ assure you no one can
regret her death more than do"
The well known strengthening properties OF
IRON combined with other tonics and a most per-
feet nervine are found in Carters Iron Pills,
which strengthen the nerves and body, and I'M
prove the blood and complexion.
Clerk-Mr s., what shallwe do with this walnut
sideboard? 1t has been knocking around the
store for two years. and nobody will look at it.
Mr.. S.-Knock some of the moulding on, hre
load of buckshot into the panels and I'll sell It to
old Calcash as a genuine Levy Fourteen eaten
on?
1re you bdioats2 Then use Dr. Soules Pills;
they are perfect liver regulator.
Disinterested generosity.-Old farmer in Con-
necticut to the pastor of his church-"Look here,
Dominic do send over to my orchard and get some
o. them pears They're all going to rot. My horse
won't eat 'em, and kinder thought your children
might like some on en-
suffered Is years with rheumatism in my feet
and could get no relief. / have taken bottle
and half of your Athlophoros, and to my salts
faction am entirely cured of that terrible COM
plant Mrs. Mary Lawton Fall River, Mass.
In these days half our diseases come from the
neglect of the boey in the overwork Of the BRAIN
In this railway age the wear and tear OF labor and
intellect 90 on without pause or self pity We live.
longer than our forefathers, but we suffer from
Thousand anxieties and cares. They fatgued only
the muscles; we exhaust the finer strength OF the
nerves.-BulWer