The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-12-02
THE MERRY SIDE I

as a mule demands oats-bawl for it.
Nearly every travelling theater hat comes
along has house full-full of space.
Human sentiment is tender cord which vi
brates-when men want to be popular.
Religion is too often used as graphing hook,
with which to Chamber into public esteem.
sThe Philadelphia Base Ball Club returned
from Cuba disgusted." They left joy behind.
The "shinny" season is on. The small boy
will soon be trying to over his upper lip.
Never trust task of your own to others
any more than you would trust the eating of
your dinner.
Lieutenant Percy has found that Greenland
can be crossed" Well, let him go and cross it.
Who cares?
Life, after ALL is but side-show, where little
automatons bump their heads together for
time, then disappear.
Gum boots are made for outdoor wear. II
you don't believe it, just try them in close
room, with a hot fire.
1t is said that Col. Ingersoll will make
gument in favor of the Anarchists. Is he 60
ing TO pull on the rope?
Rowan County, Kentucky, is again introduc-
ing great public Improvements. The people
are killing each other off,
An attempt is made to introducs the old
"pin-backs' again. They made with pleats
that can be let out out after dinner.
James Cooper, of Green County, Ohio, fired
a quail, on a line with William Manigan's head.
The quail got away-but Manigan didn't.
The Democratic papers should not refer to
jeff Davis and Canada. 1t revives old unpleas-
ant memories in the Democratic breast.
Young man. when you get ready to go out
hunting, Just blow into your gun before you
start. 1t saves hauling the body so far.
The Commercial Gazette's theatrical engrav-
ell is too eXtravagaat with clothes. in his pic
lures He pictures women with great belts on.
Austria has settled the question of q United
States Minister in that country. Judging by
the specimens she has seen, she didn't want
any.
The characters in the Cantata looked well in
full dress, but in the days represented it must
have been impolie for man to~lay off his
coat.
A noted medical authority says laborers are
the shortest-lived of men. This discovery is
having its effect among the young men of the
country.
jeff Davis says he chad learned of inhuman
treatment of our men in Northern prisons
The principal significance of this story of Jeffs
is-that il is a lie.
This is unlueky winter. During the past
two weeks half dozen prize-fghting brutes
have tried to beat one another TO death-and
not one succeeded.
A fellow in Minneapolis rode bicycle seven
bundled and forty miles in forty-eght hours
wood saw fory-eight minutes, for his grand
mother.
jeff Davis went to his old birth place in Ken
lucky, TO assist in erecting house "consecrat-
ed to God" JEFF. ought certainly to feel grate-
full and offer up thanks for incomprehensible
mercy.
Said a citizen: "If a murderer repents, and is
converted, isn't it wrong to kill him? He
might be of some good in the world" No, it
isn't wrong TO hang bins--he ought to be killed
while he is good.
"When Jenkins told his girl cher eyes were
like diamonds" }" she was wonderfully tickled-
until he explained that he meant "black dia-
monds.'' They looked like coal-dust.
OF course, women are inferior creatures! A
women will sew knit all day, and SILL her
work for fifty cen's-whie many man will
put in a whole day at doing nothing, and get
dollar and a half for It.
John Snyder, of Wabash, Indiana, has di-
sease which compells him to walk, constantly.
He is walking himself TO death. 1t is earnestly
hoped that this disease will become epidemic
among book agents.
There is a colored fellow in the Detroit jail
said to have such power over white women
| that two or three have gone crazy about him
His power 10 toll away women has made him
quite popular WITH husbands.
Schuyler, the crank, appeared at the Arthur
| funeral and made his second attempt to get
near the President carrying pistol. 1t was a
mistake to run him away. He ought to have
! gotten near en- ough for the President to reach
| him with his boot
A crazy Anarchist in New York ran into q
| saloon, and with cry of "Revolution, blood,
blood!" opened fire on the Dutchmau behind
the bar. A policeman knocked the Anarchist
in the head, when his thirst for blood was en-
tirely satisfied.
There is some comment because Blaine is said
to have refused to shake hands with Edmunds
at the Arthur funeral. This wrong. Blaine
| ought to have shaken him-but he ought to
have seized him by the nape of the neck.
| So
An exchange says: "Gymnasiums are con-
nected with nearly all the schools of the
South" That's always been the trouble with
the South. People were so educated that their
| mental powers We're never elevated only when
they standing upon their heads.
"That dog" said the hunter, Thanksgiv-
ing Day, sis sure to git all the rabbits there is
'round.' But when one was started the old
dog laid down.
! said a friend.
"Ther haint any round, jist now!' was the
confident reply.
The Ironton Republican says a chicken-thlef
got among Hon. VIII B. Tomlinson's chickens.
but frightened away by several shots from
that gentlemans revolver. O'Myers will learn
with shudder that the old thing went off.
He thought it was loaded.
80
tNo," said the good old brother, 81 believe a
man can live ithout sin. He can be as even
tempered an faultleSs as the Savior wuz-
En-! bod 'senShelly blast the dod-rotted beasts
Thar's them 'fernal steers in the pastyer lot
agin!" And the even-tempered old Saint seized
a big club and rushed off after the breachy ami.
mails.
A Jackson County farmer tells of making q
fine" shot on rabbit He had heard that by
shooting in the front part of the head, he could
kill the rabbit without spelling the meat. He
tried il, and fired at one sitting 1t revel
moved. Then he went to get il! Then it moved
like a gray streak He had made the shot toe
fine. Moral-do not take a narrow view, ever
of a rabbit.
When SeGgwick was sent TO Mexico and go