The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-12-23
HUMOR.

THE last pronunciation of matrimony
is matter o. money.
THE more man drinks the soberer
he thinks himself He never knows
when he is loaded"
THERE is one place where busybod es
seldom stick their nose In, aud that
is hornets nest. -Dansrttte Breeze.
A New JERSEY editor was recently
presented with a pocket-book and a
dog by his friends. He knew what to
do with the dog.-Drdke's Magazine.
WHO loves his work
And improves his time
May shrewdly Jerk
In many IA dime.
Whitehall Times.
"SAY. Quilp, have you seen that bust
of Napoleon yet?" "No, I'm not inter-
ested in other peoples busts. I'm get
ting over one of my own. '-St' LOUIS
Whip.
MARKETMAN-"Why did you return
that pair of fowls Yesterday Custo-
merl"Because L thought you had bet
ter send them to a home for aged
couples.
JOHNNY" said the country editor to
the devil" "my mother-in-law Is
dead, and we want a Grape for the door.
Take the printing office towel up to the
house and hang it on q knob. "-BoSto1a
Courier.
"SEE, the corn-curing hero comes,
exclaimed Phas1 sius; and Lavina,
dropping her needle-work, rushed to
the window only to see travelling chi
ropodist coming up the graveled path.
Detroit Free Press.
A TRAIN was delayed for an hour in
Troy, \. Y, and drummer remarked
to the conductor: This is sort of
twelve ounces to the pound affair, MT
it?" "How's that?" Troy wait.
You know" -PittSbaugh Chronicle
Telegraph.
Il BELIEVE you are right, sad an
old gentleman, 80 far as the abstra {
is concerned; but Just then he
slipped and struck his head aga nst the
asphalt pavement. But" he contin-
ued, as he got up, Il don't care TO dis
cuss the matter III the concrete"
Do YOU read the papers, Mr.. Thomp-
son? 2" inquired Miss Jenkyns. "Inva-
r.ably," responded Thompson. "What
portion do you read the most OFF," Il
invariably read the telegraphic news
and market reports" Don't you read
the local news?" "Oh, no; you seem
to forget that L am married man. -
Pittsburgh Dispatch.
"IT's very hard on the poor man
forced to work in heat or cold, storm
OF sunshine!" 81 don't think so. "You
don't? Look at the luxuries the rich
man enjoys; there's the full CRATE in
winter ice when it's warm" We'll,
the poor man has his ice, as well as
anybody else" "He does?" Ger
tainly; only the rich man has his in
summer, and the poor man gets his in
winter. Chicago Ledger.
THE MODEL EDITOR.
I a man who runs paper should know every hui
capsr, and hold UP the torch II
knowledge like cleaning midnight tate
He should be profound Plato. plant "a
boiled potato, aud rs humble 20 his pa
! irons u street and crossing scraper.
He should honor in his journal every captain,
crank aud colonel and disa up their
proud achievements in n hodge poke
cooked diurnal ii should puff-the nard-
cned liar-clubs aud concerts, church and
choir with long ndiectives, sonorous,
sweet. seraphic, ana supernal.
He must write the funny column that mako. all
his readers solemn with the ions.
fris, and nounoes. fuTbeiows, IA tat
dye call EN-? Quell the cop s-iic al wild
revol, squelch and massacre tie devil an l
put on n brow OF thunder that shall petr. fy
and app II en-.
He must be news reflector of tho lyceam and
lectur'. and raj down bis tafy torrents
veteran milk ms t)ector II must
he n prompt adviser to each foreign King
and Kaiser. and kao? out his keyhole tele-
scope To dodge the bill collector.
Linn L ~