The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, 1886-03-09
THE JOKERS' BUDGET,
STRAY jokes AND DASHES. FOR
LEISURE HOUR READING.

kDisgusted BritOn-A Gentleman Burglar
Tho VISITORS BiII-The Days of The
week-A Trusted Citizen, ETC., Etc.
A GENTLEMANLY BURGLAR.
Hearing a noise at night, Jones de-
cends with lighted candle and discov-
lib a burglar escaping with a full sack.
"Hello!" he cries, ''come back, you!"
"Eh, what2" returns the burglar;
"ah, yes, the silver candlestick. Permit
me-"
He takes it from the hand of the as
.onished Jones and puts it in his bag.
"Ten thousand thanks. Have 1 for
gotten anything else"
NO TIME FOR RETRosPECTIoN.
Mrs. Muggs-Ah, Henry, I fear you
love me NJ longer.
Mr.. Muggs-What a foolish ideal
"No, it isn't. We have been married
year, and you arc perfectly indifferent
10 nc. [ can remember when you loved
nc madly. Now you never speak of
bvc-never refer to the past"
"Wcll, my dear, there's a reason for
It. Just now Pm dealing so heavily in
futures that I haven't time to think of
Me past Phila. Call.
A DIsGUsTED BRIroN.
An English noblcman III reduced cir
cumstanccs moved to Western Texas.
Not long since the English exile, meet
ing Col. H. b. Andrews, Vicc-Prcsidcnt
of the Sunset Railroad, said -
"Hit's a blawsted kcntry, yc knaw.
I'm going 'ome to hold England"
whats the matter with the coun
1y9.'
"Why. hits beastly. If a man don't
work he don't get anything to cat, We
knaw. I could have that at 'omc much
cheaper, ye knaw."
A VERY PRACTICAL WOMAN.
This short, but pointed conversation
between two ladies was overheard in
front of the Japanese wood ~carvcr's stall
at the Ignatious Hall exhibition. They
were attentively regarding the carved
6gure valued at 81, 900.
Its a wonderful piece of work. of
course: out, I wouldn't give So, 900 for
any old wooden man.
"Well, l should say not. Why, if 7
had s., 900 1 could afford to have a live
enc. "-Sdn Franciscan.
A SHORT HoM1LY ON CHILDHOOD.
"Now, Bobby" warned the old gen.
tleman, as the family sat down to din
aer, '.you mustn't bother MI. Featherly
With foolish questions. In the presence
Of older people little boys should be
seen, no heard"
~ was only goin' to ask him one"
said Bobby, with an injured air.
"All right, Bobby" laughed Feather
j., very much amused, "go ahead. You
mustn't be too hard on Robby, Mr.. Hen
alicks," he continued, turning to that
gentleman, 'slittlc boys arc all alike;
She world to them is full of the strange
md inexplicable! And. after all, what
are we but children of a larger growth1
Er-what is it, Bobby, that YOU want to
ask met"
II was goin' to ask you about your
Eyes"
my eyes9"
"Yes. Pa says that a silver dollar to
you looks Us big as a cartwheel."
THE WARNING.
Materfamilias TO Tommy, who is
helping himself literally to u-rant Jam
ut the supper table)-sTommy, after the
solemn warning you had, 1 should think
Jou would not eat SO much preserves
Tommy-"What solemn warning,
mammal"
Materfamilias-"Thc death Of Jumbo:
he died of too much jam, you know"
Pittsburgh Chronicle.
TUE DETECTIVE N THE SMALLPOX.
Pinkerton Ito one of his mcn)-Har-
ris, here is a case in Montreal that |
want worked up.
Harris-All right, sir.
Pinkerton-But there is smallpox
there, and I am afraid that you will
catch it.
Harris drawing himself up proudly
You forget sir, that l am a detective.
-Phia. Chronicle.
eRoUND FOR BREACH OF PROMISE.
Attorney Miss Someage, you are the
plaintiff in this suit for breach of prom
ne, I believed
"Yes. sir"
"Ari Mr.. squirt, here is the defend
ant2"
eyes, sir"
"Well, Miss someagc. you may tell
The Court how and when he promised to
make you his wife"
1T was on the Sd CT September last,
sar: went into his photograph gallery
xnd asked him if he would take me,
and he said he would Chicago Nems:
AN EXTRA QUARTER.
A pcddler of tinware in one of the
mountain counties of this State called
ut a m-housc the other day. where
the woman wanted to sell him q bear