The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-04

Now there abideth on the railway
EAR, and travel up nd down the land
therein, the citizen aose name is Lee
William H. H. Legion, of Legion
Vile, Legion County, and this is the
manner of man he is
One OF him talketh politics. From
the time he getteth upon the train I'M
Iii he steppeth off he talketh the local
politics of Deddangon County into the
weary ears Of the stranger from Far
| Their India. who knoweth about Ameri-
can politics far less than the pig at the
corn pen knoweth about the new star
in Andromeda,
And another of him is the man who
gets carried by. Never n train yet ran
upon wheels that did not carry some
man by. The brakeman, with the rich
tenor voice, opens the front door and
shrieks, in ear-splitting falsetto. "Wood
idton! Wood lawn!" Then the brake
man, with the deep bass voice, opens
the rear door and roars, "WOod lawn I!
~ God ld,on," The train boy goes
down the aisle with his books and ap.
Piles and squeals, "Woodlawnwood-
lawn. finally enters the conductor,
who says, In tones of impressive digni-
ty and official authority, "JVood
lawn; Wood lawn The train stops.
The passenger raises window aud
looks out at the village. Ten miles
further on the brakeman with the tenor
voice opens the door. cinder flies
down his thYoat and chokes his utter
ance, he .gasps feebly and inarticu-
lately, "Winsheruncshun." The as
tonished passenger springs to his feet.
Winchester Junction." he bowls I;
"why in the name of goodness didRt
you tell me when we came to Wood
lawn? Now l can't ,I,t home tin to-
morrow morning! I'll report you for
neglecting to call out stations, see if 1
dontw
And there is the man who gets off
the train every time it stops, rushes
down the platform, gets in verybody's
way, forces his way into the waiting
room while everybody else is trying to
get out, peers into the ticket Offices,
always wants to know "Where the mis-
chief the telegraph operator is 2" Never
reads telegram; never knows what to
say if the operator is at his post; always
peeps into the baggage car to see if he
can discover his own trunk which was
put on ten hours and $50 miles ago;
gets thumped with trunks and pinched
by trucks, gets deeper in the way every
time he tries to get out of it, never sees
anybody he knows on the whole trip,
and would be amazed if he did, and
rides in his seat so little of the time
that it doesn't pay him to claim it when
he sees any one else. in it, although
that is the only time he wants it.
And there is the man who is familiar
with all the train men; ne calls the
conductor "G GEORGE" and the brakemen
Johnny" and addresses the waters at
the dining station by their first names.
If, however, he speaks to fellow pass
enger he calls him "Say, you" He
stops the conductor when that official is
the busiest to ask him about brakemen
on freight trains of whom the conductor
never heard; nor any other man,
possibly. He calls the length of the
car to the newsboy, to know when we
pass "ninety-seven," and if Bill
Stunt is runnin' her to-day?" His
whitening contempt for passengers is
something UNNECESSARILY painful to the
unhappy people who are obliged to
travel. This man, whom you have often
met, has two or three origins. He usually
travels on a trip pass, and used to
sweep out the general Offices when the
regularly ordained janitor had to take
the superintendent place. He isn't
a railroad man, but he'd give both his
legs if he could make people think
he is.
There are two men in seat near the
stove exchanging recipes for rheuma-
tism and other ills TO which human
flesh is heir. One Of them had the
"janders" all last spring. They "come
onto" him just as he was getting over a
spell of ~neuralagy" and left him just
in time for two weeks ~rassel weth
lumbago I'M the spine Of his back"
That isn't what ails him now, though.
It's this "miasmia in his system" and
the things he has been and Is yet taking
for it are numerous enough and various
enough to kill off county almshouse.
The other man had "a malignant tu
NOR" on his hip all winter, and the
only thing his doctor could do with it
was to throw him into bronchial
fever" the effects of which were still
painfully apparent in chilblains and
"execrated sore-throat. Every time
he "swoll0rs" he'd "druthsr diem swol
Ter agin." SO these two Sufferers while
away weary hours telling each other in
fallible cures for all tine things the
other man has.
And then there are four other people
on the train; they are on every train
that ever turned - wheel-the two
young people who have just been mar
ried, and the omnipresent other two
young people, the two Who want to be
married.