davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08
An Account of COntucius.

Confucius was the Latinized name Of
. kind of Chinese humorist whose
name was really Keing-fu-tse. This
name translated means Reverend Mas.
ter King. He was great man, and
many of his sayings have been EN-.
balmed in history and handed down to
the present time. His style Of humor
was of the profound variety. but his
style of penmanship was Ike that. oil
F. E. Spinner, who did some paragraph
work at one time for the treasury de.
partment. Confucius is said to have
been kind of Chinese Moses, and peo-
pie who knew both of these gentlemen
say that they had many strong personal
characteristics in common.
He was born in Loo on June 10, 551,
B. c., and when he went back there
once to lecture, after he had become q
great man, he had only $3.50 in the
house. His old neighbors said that he
had been very much overestimated, and
that they knew him when he was boy.
They also said that there were dozens
Of other boys in Loo who were Just as
good humorists as Confucius ever dast
be. One reporter on the Loo Vindicd-
tor asked him il he had ever written
any thing for publication, and after the
lecture was over announced in his pa
per that the lecture business was '.oyer-
done"
CONTIGUOUS lost his father at the age
8 years, and SO had to rustic for him.
self, as he says. He was essensially a
self-made man, and never wore sus.
penders, even in the best society. He
wore a style of dress which has since
become very popular in China, consist
ing of wide pantaloons and oolong cut
away coat. His complexion was lit
tie on the yellow order, and his eyes
were similar TO each other, though a
little inclined TO sag at one corner.
be became q school teacher in the
graded school at Loo and carried cold
fried pork and rat sandwiches for his
dinner.
When asked what one sentence would
best express the conduct most fitting
for ones whole life, he said: do moi
unto others what you would not have
them do to you" This sentence, in
substance, afterward appeared in book
form and is now widely quoted. II is 8
very popular piece of advice, and many
people give IL to other people.
Confucius was a great man and the
leading humorist of his day. He pub.
lished small paper at one time, doing
all the typographical work himself witt
. marking brush. His signature was 9
marvel Of individuality and looked like
the footprints of kangaroo that had
been scared out of . mudhole and Ii
on Q pillow-sham.
But death has claimed him. Like the
man who has done his chores and elected
the cat and blown out the gas, he lay dowr
to enter INTO the dreamless sleep which
comes alone to those who have done
their work well. Not in the midst o.
clashing arms, beneath the clouds Of
war, amid the shouts of victory and
frantic yells of defeat; not on the rough
frontier with his boots on, nor in the
hospital chased by the phantoms of de,
krum tremens, but in q calm ard dis.
passionate manner, Confucius accepted
his doom. The Chinese papers very
truthfully say: Ibis death has cast q
gloom over our land and filled a long
fst want."-BU Nye, in Chicago Nes0s
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08
A STORY OF DANIEL DREW.
How He Got Even with a Lot of His
Tormentors.

Tormentors.
The blunder of messenger boy in
the stock-exchange day or two ago.
by which an order intended for one
broker was given to another and the
operations of q prominent Spectator
exposed, recalls to Ne,c York Times
writer story that Wall street men love
to tell of dead and gone Uncle Daniel
Drew. Mr. Drew was squeezed one
famous day by operators in Northwest
stock. and he laid down big pile OF
money in losses. Not unnaturally, MIR.
Drew felt grieved, while other people
were correspondingly high spirited and
happy. 1t was o great thing to catch the
willy deacon mapping. and hundred
Jokes went the rounds in celebration OF
his upsetting. Some of these bits OF
humor fell on Uncle Daniels own ears,
but he didn't seem to pay much heed to
comments that made all the rest OF
Wall street laugh hlariously Some
young men old enough to know better
even went so far as TO accost him per-
sonally and laugh in his face. Behind
the smile that lighted his face it is bare
w possible that the recording angel
heard a gritting of teeth, but the festive
brokers did not hear any such thing,
and they went on their way rejoicing
for many DAYS. One evening a big con-
gregation Of them were in an uptown
club when all unexpected in marched
Uncle Daniel Drew. He had called
only for a moment, he was hunting for
aman whom he did not find. 1t was
not an excessively warm night, but
Uncle Daniel seemed to be much over
heated, and two or three times he drew
out his big white handkerchief and
bathed his face in 1t; and finally out OF
his pocket with the handkerchief came
a slip of white paper to float and circle
around until it settled at his feet on the
floor. Mr.. Drew didn't notice that he
had lost anything; the speculative gen.
tlemen before him did, and the foot OF
one entsrprising broker was big enough
to cover the slip of paper as it lay there
on the floor. Mr.. Drew went out. The
eager crowd gathered up the white
scrap, and this in the Wall street kings
own unmistakable handwriting was
what it said: "Buv me all the Oshkosh
stock you can. at any price you can get
it below par" Oshkosh was already
pretty high. Everybody was agreeing
that it was too high. and that tumble
was inevitable, but the handwriting OF
the millionaire operator plainly ex-
posed on that slip of paper was suf-
ficient to convince that eager crowd in
that club-room that night that some new
scheme must be sfloat to send it fur
Their skywsrd. Right through the mill
stone they sawit all. and then and there
they made up pool to buy twenty or
thirty thousand shares the next day.
They did, and the man who sold it to
them was Daniel Drew. He blandly
told them all about it as they saw their
money all going to pot, Oshkosh de-
Ginning dozen points day. MIR.
Drew's handkerchief exercise had been
carefully planned.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08
A Good Appetizer.

"You seem to be hungry tonight
old man." said gentleman to friend
who was seated in Delmonico's before
. dinner that nearly comprised the bill
81 fare.
Il am; ravenous.
II wish i could eat q dinner like
thaf," went on the first speaker, envi-
ously. What do you take, cocktails?"
mo; better appetizer than cocktails. :"
'Well. what is itP''
s.l've been out with my wife to 5
o'clock tea Here, waiter, more bread.
end DO quick about it,"-NeW Yors
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08
"What s Woman.s Worth 2n

asked FAR damSel of 4 cruSty old bachelor.
lie did not know, so she said: NV. o. map"
td"uble YOU, o mani. But woman feelS
worth LITTLE if disease has invaded har sys-
TEN ard Is daily sapping her strength. For
all female weaknesses, DIR. II. Y. Pierca's
Favorlie PTCs,riptiOn' stands unrivdled. 1t
cures the complaint and builds up the SyS-
tenn: Send 10 cents in stamps for pamphlet
to WORLDS D!Spensary Medical Association,
G63 Main Street, Buffalo, y. Y.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

Every nervous person should try Carriers
Little NERVE PILE. Tney are made specially
for nervous an dyspeptio men and women,
and are just the medicine needed by all per-
sons who, from any cause, do not sleep well,
or who fall to get proper strength from their
food. Cases OF weak stomach. indigestion,
dyspepsia nervous and sick headache. &c.
readily yield to the use of the Little Nerve
Pills. particularly If combined with Carriers
Little Liver Pills. In vias at % cents.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

THE BUREAU OF VITAL STATISTICS
makes no return of the morality caused by
over dragging the sick. Hundreds of pa
tients are killed in this way, ninety nine per
cent. of whom might have been saved by the
use of that simple vegetable antidote, DR..
WALKERS CALIFORNIA VINEGAR Bit
TIERS, rapid in its action, and without alco-
hnl
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

Food makes Blood and Blood makes Beauty.
Improper digestion of food necessarily pro
duces bad blood, resulting in fe, ling of full.
ness in the stomach, acidity. heartburn sick
headache, and other dyspeptic symptoms.
A closely confined life causes indigestion,
constipation, btiOusness and loss of appe-
tite. 70 remove these troubles there 10 no
remedy equal to Priokiy Ash Bitters. 1t has
been tried and proven 10 bea specific.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

Germany has eight schools Of forestry,
where hye years framing Is required OF
those VINO SeeA positions uEder The Suytra-
ment, although COURSE oil stuuy hat as long
may be taken by amateurs.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

Dredging boats are now taking away , coo
tons per week of the DEBRIS OF Flood Rock.
Dynau tie surface blasts are used 10 break
up the bOulderS left by the submarine mine.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

A rouge pot full of rouge still fit for use
was lately eXcavated at Naucratis, so that
the modern young lady miQht appear with
could borrow the rouge pot.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

Forty million people, OF one fifth of the
subjects IF be "EmpieSs of lrdIa." are in
a state of chronic starvation. Famine sue
ceeds famine at the rate of one in every five
or six years.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

The crime of the last boy sent to the New
Hampshire Reform School was the setting
on fire of a passing load of hay, whereby
the farmer on top of il was nearly burned 10
death.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

An old house in Warrington. W. Va. was
being demolished last week, when the work
men came upon sixteen human sralps, evil
IDENTITY those of Indians, male and female.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

A mastOdOn'S bones, the teeth four inches
square on the face. were discovered last
week near Nation, ILL.,, il is reported, ~ Il
man who was digging ditch.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

letter. Amem5er OF the Pioneer Press
.taff troubled for eleven years with obstinate
letter on his hands, has completely cured u IN
'es- than month, by the nse Of Coles C.rboi-
tsaIvs.-lPi Pioneer Press, ST. Paul.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

Fifty thousand square miles CT territory
east of the Mississippi are covered with
Swamps which right easily be drained and
turned into fertile lands.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

Twelve hundred people went out from Los
Angeles, Cal, on an excursion train to attend
aland sale ct Sierre Madre, The land broughl
n gyoss $4,000,
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

Brash and wiry hair becomes soft and
plant by using Halls Hair Reviewer.
Many mother has found Ayers Che rry
Pectoral invaluable in cases of Group,
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

A Butler county, Neb., undertaken a1ver
tises misfit collins, warranted to keep in any
climate.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

South Carolina produced last year 400, 1O3
tons of phosphate of lime, valued at $3.50
1863.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

Twenty four tons of snuff were thrown
into Dublin bay for non payment OF ddty
recently.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

Why go limping around with your boots run
over. when Lyons Heel st ifeneIs will keep
them straight?
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

Ifsfl!.ctGd with Sore Eyes. use DR.. IsssC
Thcmpson's Eye Water. Druggists sell it. >.
cents.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

The average weekly income of wOr&ing
women in New YORK state is 800 ard 1913
for men.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

Use the great specific for "cDld i'm head
ami cGtarrh-Dc. Sagc'S Catarrh Remedy.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

Be merciful to dumb animals. Heal
all open sores and cuts with Stewards
Healing Powder, IL and 90 cents u box.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

No Opium in Piso's Cure for Consumption
Cures where ether remedies fail. PIC.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

New England t0b0ggan clubs are now or
ganizing themselves into tennis associations.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08
Plerce's pleasant Purgauve Pei

Positively Popular; Provoke Praise: Prove
Priceless: Peculiarly Prompt; PerceptIbly
Potent: Producing Permanent Profit; Pre-
GLIDING PimpeS and Pu>tuleS: Promoting
Purity and Peace. Purchase. Price. Petty.
PlentY.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

PATENTS obtained by Louis Dagger & Co.. At
torneys, Washingtou, DC. Est'1 1864 Advice free
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

''NlOre lhBn all other lung Rem
etlies. is wh3l f. w. FaiTmau, drug
gist al Dayton, lad, writes about the sale
of Aliens Lung Balsam. He has sold it for
eight years, and i, gives satisfaction. Sod
by all druggists at DC, 5Oc., aud Sl.00 a
bottle.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

ST.. l.. n. u. No. lS-5
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-08

e,sr-irsl Once. ss1 Main ST., LOUISVILLE. X.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-11-11

4 slick cltizen-A greaser.
y weather rcport-A thun lcr clap'
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-11-11
An Immense Gaming Table.

Italy is in fact one immense gaming
table, at which the crouplcrs are cabi-
net ministers and the victims the peo-
pie they govern.
Seek to disguise the matter how we'll
and skillfully you may, you cannot
convince the studious spectator of con.
temporary life in Italy that these ofic.
ial lotteries are not every bit as bad as,
and very probably ten thousand times
more immoral in their effects, than all
the pliouetee doings in Monaco. Here
is government that offers 100 900, 900
francs year as prizes for popular pas
sion and avidity, and makes more than
half million over tile annual enter
prise,
In all the chief towns and cities Of
the kingdom there is always to he
found il good plethoric supply OF these
government gambling hells. Tickets
are distributed from every Monday till
Friday, and the drawing tax kes place OH
the afternoon of each Saturday. The
chief-and for many, the almost ire
sistable-temptation in these lotteries
is that any sum Of money as a bet will
be accepted on ticket. The working
man deposits his soldo, or cent; and If
fortune flvors him his cent may bring
him back golden LOUIS. The we'll
to-do merchant lays out twenty franc
piece, and his gains, if any, become, of
course, proportionately greater.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-11-11
Church Directory.

Reformed Church-Rev. A. BStoncr, pas
or. Weekly Lectures Tuesday evening"
Meeting of Ladies' Aid Society every second
Wednesday evening. Regular services by
appointment from the pulpit.
Lutheran Church-Rev w. c. Wire. pas
,0r. Services. Sunday 10 A. N. and $50 p.
II Sunday School, .. p NJ. Prayer Meet
ing Wednesday, G45 p NJ
Protestant Episcopal Church--Rcv. Ern-
ST McGill, Rector. Services Sunday, 10 4
VI and 3.l5 Z. NJ. Sunday School, 900 u.
NJ
Moravian Church. (Mcchanicstown) Rev
Z. c. Lanus, Pastor. Preaching every sun
day, alternating morning and evening"
Prayer Meeting every Friday evening Sun
day School o'clock, u. m.
Moravian Church (Graccham) Rev. c. G.
I.aniuS, Pastor.
Preaching every Sunday, alternating NOR
ing and evening
Mite Society every Monday evening.
PRAYER Meeting every "Wednesday evening
United Brethren Church-Mile Society
Second ana Fourth Wednesday.
Sunday School . +. NJ.
Prayer Meeting every Thursday evening
Regular Services by appointment from the
pulpit.
Methodist Episcopal Church - Rev o
Hclt, Pastor. Services every alternate
Sunday at 10 A. VI. Sunday School A. NJ
Prayer Meeting every Thursday evening at
T. NJ.
United Brethren Church-Rev c. J
Roudabush Pastor. Services every nlernat,
Sunday at 3 p. m. Sunday School every
sunday at 2p m. Prayer Meeting every
Thursday evening at p.m m.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-11-11
why the Dog Failed.

Papa, what made you unite the dog
last nisht?" asked Edith timidly at the
breakfast table.
40 protect the gate, replied the old
gentleman, sternly.
"I-I-don't believe he succeeded i'll
doing 1t, she returned.
"Hey! what do you mean:' and IL
savage glare dartel over the coffee pot.
"Why, the last | saw of Harry he
was taking a tremendous gait "p the
road, and [ thought, Perhaps the
old mans groan WAS 50 deep that she
desiStcd.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-11-11
A Rare Chance for Agents

We have Just from the Press q volume
which sells at sight. Any industrious person
can earn $500 to $1,000 day, and ottcn
much mGre, with the
NEW LADIES' MEDICAL GUIDE,
Bv Drs Pancoast and Nanderhcck. A
COUNSELLOR AND FRIEND adwlutely
Indispensable to mothers and daughters =!
The Structure and Functions Of the Repro
ductivc Organs illustrated and explained
Clearly and ,fuly by the highest authority in
the United States. All Diseases Of Women
and Children, with Symptoms and Treat
mcnt, etc, etc, etc. Over 100 Illustrations
and 700 pages. PRICE, ONLY 5000. The
la,yest, cheapest, and ont1 AJTIIENTlC,
RELIABLE and SATISFACTORY work
of the kind. The success Of or Cann$SerS
| is sunpuraNelled! Ladies' accomplish much
good, and mahe mo"ey rery fast selling this
book Circulars and terms free, or sample
copy by mail on receipt Of price. Address,
JOHN f. POTTER a. CO., Publishers.
6l7 Sansom st, Philadelphia, Pa.
May 90, 5ln.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-11-11
A Bad Boy and u Wasp.

Among the passengers on the st.
Louis express on the Erie railway be-
tween Port Jervis and Jersey City,
short time ago, was much overdressel
woman accompanied by bright.look.
ing Irish nurse girl, who had charge of
a self-willed, tyranical two-year-cld
boy, of whom the ov"rdressed woman
was plainly the mother. The mother
occupied seat by herself. The nurse
and child were in seat in front. The
child gave such frequent exhibitions Of
temper, and kept the car filled with
such vicious yells and shrleks, that
there was general feeling Of lndigna-
tion. Although he time and again spat
in his nurses face, scratched her hands
and tore her hair and bonnet, she bore
it patiently. The Indignation Of the
passengers was the greater because the
child's mother made no effort to correct
him, but, on the contrary, sharply child.
ed the nurse whenever she manifested
any firmness. Whatever the boy yelped
for, the mothers cry was uniformly:
"Let HIM have it, Mary
The child had just slapped the nurse
in the face for the hundrelth time, and
was preparing for fresh attack, when
wasp came from somewhere III the car
and flew against the window of the
nurse seat.
The boy at once made dive for the
wasp as it struggled upward on the
glass. The nurse quickly caught his
hand and said:
Harry mustn't touch Bug will bite
Harry
Harry gate a savage yell, and began
to kick and slap the nurse. The mother
awoke from nap. She heard her sons
screams, and without lifting her head
or opening her eyes, called out sharply
to the nurse:
"Why will you tease that child,
Mary? Let him have it,
Mary let go of Harry. The boy
clutchcd at the wasp, and caught it.
The yell that followed caused joy to the
entire car, for every eye was on the boy.
The mother awoke ag;lin.
Mary" she SAID, "let him have it.
Mary turned calmly in her seat, and
SAID
"Sure, he's got it, num-"
THIS brought down the car. Every
one in it roared. The child's mother
rose up in her seat with Il jerk. When
she learned what the matter was she
pulled her boy over the back of the seat
and woke some sympathy by laying him
across her knee and warming him nice
ly. In ten minutes he was us quiet and
meek us a lamb and never opened his
head again until the train reached Jer-
sey City.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-11-11
A CARD.
DIR. HIRAM BUHRMAN,

physician and surgeon, takes pleasure in an
iouncing to the citizens of Mcchanicstown
and vicinity that he has located here in the
practice of medicine. For the present he
may be found ut his Residence, opposite the
Lutheran church
He would further add that he has come to
stay and hopes by strict and uBright deport
mtnt to me rit the confidence and support of
8 discerning public.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-11-11

A pretty, silly, seIr-willcd girl Of
seventeenth that's what was when
Uncle Harriet died, leaving his one
child, cousin Kate, IL pennlless and
homeless orphan.
LET her come and live with us, |
suggested eagerly. Ave are rich, pa
pa, and | Will love her dearly.
NV father nodded and smiled.
"And when the eighteenth birthday
comes, and Philip Ransom arrives to
claim his bride, you can 90 sailing to
"tresh fields and pastures new and
Katie can keep house for me. Is that
the idea, Ada?'
But routcd somewhat rebellionsly
and tossed vain little head.
"PAlIlp seems III no hurry to urge
his c!alm. He makes quite sure that
when he throws the haMd lerchief |
shall not iul to pick it up. Let him
take care | do not dIslppolns him,
And indeed had somc neglect to
complain Of Philip and | had been
engaged for nearly a year, and rs yet
| had never seen him-since the en-
gagement, that is to say, nor for sew
eral wears before it.
As children we had played together
many time. | liked him we'll enough
in those days. He was merry play
fellow, some seven years my senior.
His uncle and adopted father, Mr.
Ransom, had been my godfather and
nv fathers dearest friend. 1t was
their wish that Philip and should
marry.
To that end he left his fortune to me
unon condition that I should become
Philips vile upon my eighteenth birth.
dav. If refused the money should g.
to him.
Nobody seemed to have though of his
refusing, nor was such u contingency
really probable; he was somewhat
wild young man with expensive habits
and if that fortune failed him, he had
no means to live.
And | was Just "swect seventeen, a
belle and beauty, in modest, coun.
try fashion-why should he refuse tc
marry me?
Such an idea never crossed my mind
had some noton-some glrliSh, ro
mantle fancy-of luriug him on and
inspiring him with mad passion fol
me, and then reject him with scorn; for
I was piqued at his neglect of my
charms, and the fortune was of second
ary Importance in my eyes, my father
being rich enough already.
And when he came, all such ideas
vanished. lie was so handsome, win
nlng; fascinating altogether, that | sue
cumbed at once.
Our country beaus stood no chance
at all beside HIM. There had been
one, indced-Roy Elliston-for whom
my heart put in IL few pleading pangs
Roy was such noble fellow, and
knew he loved me weIl--but it wa
no use; | was charmed intoxicated
with vanity and pride. The grace, the
dash, the high,bred city style OF IN
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-11-11
Professional.

DR.. J. A. Riddlcmoscr. late of llagcrstown
has located permanently in Mcchanicstown
in the practice ofmcdlcine.
OFFICE at his residence, the late home of
DR.. Vim. White, deceased, He asks that the
tender of his professional services be favor
ably considered by the citizens Of the town
and vicinity.
oct 24tf