River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-06-17
MADISON LETTER.

the uecencleS ana amenities OF the re-
fined human stage. The race, as a race,
has been in this state of progressive evo-
luton, according TO theologians about six
thousand years-according to scientists
several millions of years-a variation of a
few millions of years making no percepti-
bic difference in their tables of computa-
ton, nor in the results arrived at. As
race the large and interesting human
family has made commendable progress.
As individuals there are a good many
who do not appear to have kept up with
the procession. They may have shed
their caudal appendages, and have gotten
upright on two legs instead of using all
fours; but for all that there are very
many hereditary traits which they have
not outgrown, and which they are either
unable, or do not care to conceal.
Certain sects, whose forefathers came
out of Aran, in MesOpotamia, will not eat
pig, and many and various are the rea-
sons assigned for this peculiar abstemi-
business. 1t is possible that the solution
may be found in the natural adherence
TO cannibalism which has obtained
through all ages. the exception only prov
ing the rule. This solution finds many
earnest supporters among those who have
the misfortune to be seated at the same
table with one Of these falcon-beaked
descendants of the godly Jacob. If the
table manners of some of the individuals
of this favored race were not learned at
the trough, then all deductions based
upon comparison are at fault. Judge
Hilton, who closed the doors of his Rock
away hotel against this class, while he
was beaten financially by the boycott
which followed his arbitrary measure,
was morally supported by every man
who ever endured the disgusting ordeal
of attempting 10 eat where one of this
species was feeding. The monopolizing
of four seats in passenger coach is in
like character, although, while very ag-
gravating, it is not so disgusting, and
therefore more endurable. There is a
partial recompense here in the thought
that no one would wish to occupy the
seats in company with the specimen if
permitted.
The simian or ape species has a
wider distribution. 1t is not so conspicu-
Ously confined 10 the descendants of the
patriarchs. The Puritans are responsible
for propagating individuals of this type.
The "aristocracy"-save the mark!-of
our beloved country, appears to have
sprung from this species, to an ape-we
almost said to a man. The distinguish
ing characteristics of this animal, as OBJ
served at the hotel or on the cafs, and its
unconcernedness in the presence of man,
keeping up its chattering and grinacing
at the table or in the car, or at the theatre
just the same as if there was not human
being present. This is one of its most
marked peculiarities. Another character
istic by which they play be distinguished
from the human family (fOr, dressing as
they do like men it is often hard to dis
tinguish them is their natural propen-
sity for grinning. have sat for the past
week facing fairly good specimen which
has grinned at the waiter-girls so continu-
Ously that one corner of its mouth is
drawn around under its left ear; and this
member being of unusual size even for
this species, that useful receptacle foe pap
and weak tea, the mouth, has been per-
manently eclipsed. And the little ami
mails have the conceit to imagine that
they have mashed" the entire corps of
pretty Irish girls, when the fact is that
they have only disguised them.
These two classes are the most pro-
nounced and observable of those which
are seen every day at the hotel.
Did anybody ever investigate the causes
for the inordinate thirst--wh oh seizes
upon the small child as soon as it takes a
seat in the passenger coach? Coming
down last trip there were four children
all under eight years, who emptied a
tank of ice-water before reaching Eau
Claire. know where they put it, but it
will always be deep mystery to me
where they kept it. If they had been
fayed and all the orifices tied up, as the
Mexieans skin pig and make biblical
"bottle," it would not then be so mysteri
Gus: but how four little bodies which
would not measure up as many cubic
inches as the tank from which they
drew their supplies, could exhaust the
fountain without running over is a mys-
terry past finding out. These cases are
only types of every "kid," as the brake
men call them, that ever gets on a car.
Next TO drinking, eating is a favorite
pastime, and this is shared by the moth
ers and sisters of the thirsty young ones.
not young, but somewhat past the bud
and blossom of youth, who ate their way
from Madison to BarabOO, a run of three
hours and a half, and appeared to be
hungry when they went ashore at the
latter city. A family going to Dakota,
man, woman and three boys, punished"
should say fourteen loaves of brown
bread and firkin Of oleomarga inc be-
tween Madison and Black River Falls,
and were just beginning their midnight
lunch at I1:3O when the train reached
Black River. l didn't blame them much
as they were going to country where
square meal consists of rutabaga and
drink of pond water, with pull of two
holes in the belt for dessert.
In the realm of aesthetics there is much
in social life which is amusing, and some
winch is otherwise. Haven't space in
this letter to particularize, and viii only
quote from kOkO who voices the uni
yeTsal cry for deliverance from one of the
plaques of social life in the following
"Ballade of Society Bores," which / find
/ in the Terds Siftings. We all know the
dear creature, and have suffered untold
| agonies at her limbs AMI voice:
There's the lyceum maiden VINO tries
To rccite an old poel1 we know,
With terrible roll Of the eyes
And features conferred by woe:
Who shivers and swsys 10 and fro
| And goes from a rant 20 q roar,
| or sinks 10 monotone low;
| I'd like to extinguish that bofe"
With vision of a shrill-voiced virgin
attempting to act out Mississippi steam
/ boat and a whole reach of river, land
/ Soma ror,,liafiOu and all I tearf1lly close