The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1886-08-18
WIT AND HUNIOR.

sOclaliOn WOulu QUIET u Atly IaFAH9 JlS
at lunch?'' Office boy VIII have a
consultation with our walking delegate
and let you know. luck.
Employer TO collector)-'.Se Mr..
Smith," ColIector-''0. yes. En-
ployer-'Was he annoyed at your call
ing upon him?n Collector-..Not bit
He asked me to call again. ."-Ne1o York
Sun.
Papa, if three wheels is tricycle.,
wheel?o Zone wheel, my son? Well,
let me seei One wheel must be uni
cycle" mo it amt, papa it's wheel
barrow. Boston Record
Smith (neryously) you sure
there are no tOadstools among these
mushrooms Mary (guilelessly)-
They wuz bought for the missus' table,
but she told me to try 'em first on the
boarders. ''-Aarper's Bazdr.
Professor B., can you tell me
with what faculty we could most easily
dispenser" Student-"Yes, SIR" Pro-
fessor-"Goodl Now, speak up loud;
what is it?'' Student (soberly) The
college faculty. - Ro1bury -AdUocate.
Mamma (house-hunting for the sea-
son)-''It'S a good house for dance,
Emily!' Emily-'.The rooms are rather
small, aren't they?" Mamma (who
knows how matches are made)-"Yes,
but what a capital staircaser er'-PuRch.
Overheard in an all-night restaurant:
First Cabman-"Got any Doodle,
Jimmy?'' Second Cabman- -'Y-a-a-s;
got a twenty" First Cabman (sur-
prised)-'Man dead?'' Second Cab
man-'.Naw; had tit. = Washington
Critic.
Scene, Night. Mrs Jenkins-"Do
get up, Henry, and hold this child a
while" Jenkins-''Not much; we have
just decided that eight hours per night
should constitute nights work-that's s
the kind of union man | am. y Chi
cag0 Rambler
The State Superintendent of Schools
of Vermont has carried the Arbor-Day
idea to an extreme by recommending
that hereafter the scholars plant the
willows around the school building.
School boys will scarcely be such fools.
Omaha Heraid.
After n change of Government three
felons received a free pardon. On re-
ceving intimation of the fact one of
them spoke up: why, what have we
done, | should like to know. that we
should be turned off like this in the mid
die of winter "-Fiegende BLGette.
Tailor-You have recently inheiited
a nice lump OF money from your uncle;
why don't YOU pay me? Customer
hate all outward show. / don't want
it to be said that my newly-acquired
wealth has caused departure from my
former simple habits.-Fronl the French.
During a recent reading by Walt
Whitman at Philadelphia he was sur
rounded and kissed by swarms of rap
turous girls" This. no doubt, was in
tended as a compensation for his re-
marKable success in making "Philadel-
phia'' rhyme with confederation" in
one of his early poems. Norrtstol0n
Herald.
Il notice that all the differences of
the drummers have been settled" re-
marked McSwilligen. The drummersr'
replied Squildig. There have been no
differences with them that | know OF. :"
NO! Well certainly saw heading
in the papers, Brass men in HARMONY
but didn't read the article. y Pitts5urg
Chronicle.
Yes" complained Harlem grocer,
business is dull. l have lost a good
deal OF trade in the last three weeks,
and | can't account for it. And it seems
to be getting worse, and-Great Scott
/ had no idea 1t was 4 o'clock. Going
10 the bank?' NO. polo grounds.
haven't missed a game yet '-NeW
| York Sun.
! When Georgiana was she said sud-
denly one day, after long quiet: '.Mam-
ma, where do the todays 90 when they
get to be Yesterdays" About six
months later, sitting one evening at the
opening door, she saw for the first time
a shooting star. 20, mammal she ex-
claimed. Il saw God take a star in. y
Bdbyhood.
Elderly gentleman Ito little boy who
is buying candy)-"My young friend.
don't you think that, instead of spend
ing all the pennies you get. it would be
better to put some of them away for a
rainy day?n Little boy-"Naw. What s
the good of money on a rainy day? Ma
never lets me stir out of the house. y
NeI0 York san.
A well-known gentleman about town,
who is something of a stranger to
Adams ale, was lately handed glass
of water and asked to say what it was.
He took it, turned It round, looked
through il, smelt it. tasted it. At last
he said, ''Well, it looks like gin. but
there's no taste 10 it. n-Bost0n Sdtatr-
day EUening Gazette.
Three-year-old Maggie had never
seen any one who WAS quite bald except
twice visited. A gentleman called one
day to see her father. and. taking off his
hat. showed very bald head. Maggie
regarded him wonderingly for awhile
and finally yenturing nearer. asked cur
iously: lis that zotr head?''-Harper'
| Bazar.
81 can always tell an Englishman the
moment set my ewes on him. remark
ed Fogg. Can you, y'know?' exclaim
ed little Smithers with unwonted ami
nation. Bah Jove. but that's hodd
y'know. And where would you say
came from, y'know?" ..South Boston,
Smithers says it's very clever, know
but be doesn't look happy.-BOStOr
Transcript
A Young law student was being ex
amined for admittance to the Texas bar
Judge Steward. the Chairman of th,
Examining Committee. asked him: 81
man who had committed a murdel
employed you as his lawyer, what woulC
you do toward having him acquitted?'
Student-.Excuse me. but how mucl
money did you say the gentleman had?'
| 7eIas Siftiags.
Wife-"How long would fish b
that would weigh twenty pounds?'
Husband-.That depends. Why do yol
want to know?' Wife-.Why, Mrs
Jones saws her husband caught fsl
the other day that would weigh twent
pounds. and was wondering how lon,
it was Husband (carelessly)-.Th
fish was about four inches long. -
Detroit Free Press.
Little Olive had been attending schoo
but a short time; on reaching home on
day her papa asked her what progres
she was making with her studies TIL
youthful student replied. Il commence
! on problems this morning" The father
somewhat surprised, asked her wha
kind of problems 20, / learned t
make the figure 2. was the childish an
swer.-Harper Bazdr.
A young boy who recently left his 81
Paul home to attend a preparation
school is not much taken with th
change He is suffering his first cas-
of homesickness. and naturally desire
! to return to his home. In maxim
} known his desires TO his father in n
, cent letter he said: Dear father: Lii
is very short; let rs spend it togethe
: Your affectionate son. '-SL Pdut Gl0b'
A story is told that a clergyman of th
. Church of England. on accepting
country benefice. urged a friend 10 Esak