davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30
Stories Told in a Railroad Car.

Mr.. Dawes. of the Coast Line, who
is bundle of nerves and talent, told
us som" apt stories. Hc said that one
If the officers OF a read WAS much an
noyed at the importunate curiosity OF
an old Boston lady, with indescribabls
bangs upon her forehead, and gigantic
spsctsc!es upon her nose. Every time
the train stopped for fuel, this formida-
bic female want-d to know what caus-
ed the detention.
Tired of this monotonous interroga
ton, the prosecuted man determined
to put a vindictive stop to it. When
the dragon Of virtue assailed him
again with the old question, he re-
piled:
My dear Madame, the brakeman is
very sick at the stomach"
Good heavens, sir,' calculated the
woman lis he very i'll %
The man nodded IN solemn affirma-
tion
"How do you know ?" asked Boston.
because" wickadly retorted her
victim, she is throwing up wood. /"
That silenced her questions, but she
made an angry memorandum, and
threatened to report him to the COM
panv.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30
Baily Beaten by Her Rival.

| heard d good story the other day
of two ladies who were social rivals
They we're on visiting terms, bu. Dc.
voted much Of their tim, to consider
ing how they could surpass each other
in the richness and elaboration of their
houses and raiment. In the progress
of this pleasing rivalry Mrs. A. gave
8 grand reception, at which she ap
peared in new gown of very fine and
wonderful texture, which quite sur
passed anything that had ever been
made into u dress for a lady in the
whole history OF the town.
Everybody saw the incompatible
dress and marreled greatly thereat--
that is, everybody except the one un-
eonquerable rival, Mrs. B., who gave
u reception at her own house . fort
night later, to which the same people
were invited who had attended the re-
ception of Mrs. A. Ths sstonlshment
# the latter may be imagined when,
on er ering Mrs. B.'s drawing-room.
she beheld all the upholstered furni-
ture in the room covered with precise
ly the same material as that Of the
dress with which she had startled her
friends two weeks before. In the
language of the street, Mrs. B. "got
away with her" that time at least.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30
Mans Strength.

At what hour Of the day is man at
his strongest, and fitted to do hard
work with the least weariness? The
question is strange one and probably
the answer OF c lrring at once to most
persons will be: When he gets up
in the morning" This is BY no means
the case; on the contrary, according
to the recent experiments of Dr. Buch
with the dynamometer, man is pre-
cisely at his weakest when he turns
out of bed. Our muscle force is great.
ly increased by break fast, but it at
tains to its highest point after the mid
day meal. 1t then sinks for a few
hours. rises again toward evening, but
steadily declines from night till morn
ing. The two chief foes of muscular
force, according to DR.. Buch, are over
work and idleness. Sweating at work
deterioratss the muscles. We know
that many of the great workers Of the
world, though not all, have been early
rissrs. But early rising, according to
DR.. Buch's doctrine, ought always to
be supplemented by early breakfast,
ing. The ancient proverbial "early
bird who 'catches the worm" must
have had presage of the "dynamome
trio" experiments, aud instinctively
put them in practice before they were
formulated in words.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30
Bangs for Men.

"We are selling good many false
bargs," said hairdresser.
"For the ladiss!" inquired the re-
porter.
NO, for young men. B,ngs are ali
the rage now, and every young fellow
must have ens.~A-ny of them are
bald, or their hair is too tffrrff,,>. on the
forehead, so they call on us to heip-
them We make bang that cannot
be distinguished from the genuine
article. 1t is fastened on with wires,
aud vixen neatly combed lonks very
nice. A bang should come about half
an inch short of the eyebrows, and
should be eevenly cut. 1t should never
be worn with a full beard, as it con-
tracts the face too much. 1t is most
effective with dropping moustache.''
-New York san.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30
Another Story of Lincoln.

Says the st. Louis Republican !:
Abraham Lincoln has to bear the re-
sponsibility of many stories of which
he never heard, much less told. This
one, however, related by prominent
citizen Of st. Louis, has the unmis-
taxable flavor of Lincoln personality.
ain the early part Of the war" said
our informant, Il called one day upon
the President, whom | knew very we'll,
and We had long and, to me at least,
very pleasant conversation. In the
course of it he spoke of the annoyance
to which he was subjected Ly the re-
presentatives of the Abolition element
in the Republican party. Sumner,
Wade, and the rest, said he, worry
the life out of me about abolishing
slavery by proclamation. | can't satisfy
them that the idea is, at present any
how. as impracticable as it is foolish,
and every week almost they are here,
harping away on the same Of string
| feel very much like boy l knew at
school. In those days We had to read
by turns a chapter in the Bible every
morning, and on certain occasion it
fell to the lot Of this boy to read the
remarkable story OF the three pious
Young men who where thrown into a
fiery furnace. John was not very
good reader, but he stumbled along
pretty we'll until he struck the names
--Shadrach, Msshach and Abeinego.
He stopped AMI stammered so long
that the teacher at last told him to
skip hem and 60 ahead John gladly
obeyed orders, but pretty soon stopped
again, threw down his Bible, and boo
hooed right out. why. what's the
said the teacher; "what are
you crying about "O," bawled John,
''heres them three fellows again, and
| don't knew what to do with them"
And that's about the way feel when
Sumner, Wade and Company make
their weekly visit And then Lincoln
laughed one of those long, quiet
laughs that always seemed to DO him
so much good
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30
Tragical Snake Story.

For six months a young man named
Ferguson, who resided at Great Falls,
Me-, had been in failing health, despite
the care of the physicians. none of
whom could fathom the cause of his
decline. Among many odd symptoms
was that of peculiar choking sensa
ton, which was not understood until
one day snake thrust its head ont of
the young mans mouth. The sick
man called his sister, and she, wrap
ping a cloth around her hand, when
next this Kissing head appeared, seized
it and with a quick pull landed the
venomous reptile at her feet. Her ac-
ton killed her brother. The tail of
the snake had grown into the young
mans tody, and in tearing it away q
bloodvessel was broken and the young
man bled to death.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30
z:flerf Rea0ing.
A GEM OF 4 RI.
BY AMY RANDOLPH.


utter to his wife. for the glow Of their
honeymoon had not vet faded from
the matrimonial horizon. But he was
only Il Young me, chant those business
had not vet arrived At an oyerwhelm-
irg pitch Of success, and he was be
ginning to think that Mrs. Mapleton' s
ideas were little too bigh-tonea for
such a limited income as theirs was.
+ Mrs. Mapleton turned towards him
with "A sad, moonlight sort of smile.
My dear Gerard" said she, pray
excuse me, but You are quite Ignorant
Of the subject. That picture which
dear Louise Larrance gave me for a
welding present is real Meissonnier.
One of the great artists earliest at
temprs, i; is true. and perhaps, lack
ing IN the exquisite finish which char
/ acterizrs his later productions, but
still Neissonnier And uo common
or tawary piece # gliding can brtit
such "a gem of art "a this. II vii!
lSht up our drawing room as \ wel
lIghgs up some duskv ocean cave
/ 30 the s~vsnty-tlve dollar frame was
ordered. and the Messonnier was sent
home lucased in its splendor.
Grandma Mapletou shoe. hsr old
white heal when it was carried IN.
+ 1T NAV be gem OF art" SAID she.
s''i amt no Judge of such things Bur
I'm sartin that vnur business won't
support Augusta If she ke ps on a.
this rate. Your grandlather's picture
Of Washington Crossing the Della
ware" was framed n cherry wood
!. moulding that Didn't cost fifty cents.
{ And even the partrait 81 Sarah Jane,
lPlaying the harp that Vas done bv
q The trsvelin' jourr.yman who painted
the barn. was put in plain gilt frame
that Only care TO three dollars and a
half
"Oh. grandma, :" cried Mrs Maple
ton dsspaIrlngly. can you under
stand that the world has altered since
Won were girl. &
"Oh, know tat we'll enough. !"
saId Grandma Msplston. medits,iv-iy
polishing her spectacle glasses with
I the corner OF her apron. But ain c
Sltogcther certain that IL has altered
~ she l. = To-
grandmother N,plrt.u. bless her
Kindly oll heart. bad maay doubts
arl tears as - the way lu hIch her
-rau.sou sud hls wife wrr- beginning
lat,r caresr.
brussels carp, al over the house.
.a3l she "Ingra.G was good enough
u nv day. uljn Venetian strip. on
'ae star, and o.jclo,u oa the hail, q
that vou cnnId scrub en- once nee.
and make sartln YOU were clean. And
Augusta las got ebony cabinets to
tulI china sni stall. wh.re usel to
h,. satisfied siih svootcn corner cup.
BOARD And there are curtain. struug
tup bel. r. every door. and fans tucked
/ in evcrr hole and corner. until fa,rl,
ach- to - and fold 'em all up aud nut
#rm xusy. Rat this ptcrurr business
iou,dors everything. Nh.t. ncs Cur
/ rant cplogcl plush coverings for the
I furniture "Whv. Augu~.a there j.
no earthly need ior that"
"lhrv must match the baul of car
+ rant c-iorrd plush IN the plc,ur.
.fafne. don't rou ?" Impa,Irntiv re-
tort.d Mrs Gerald M.p!s,ha. EVERY
thing mus, b. toned To the kew Of the
! Meissonn,rr."
/ Grandma said nothing. She only
shook her head again. tins time more
vrhemcntlv than ever.
/ IL wish The M-gz,orar never had
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30
DALTON & STRICKLAND,
Fine III Shoes.
No. 939 Penn. Avenue, N. w.
ANuLNL TON q
W n. DALTON
WASHING TON, y. c.

gs1- Fine IIand-Mnd Shoes for Ladies and
gentlemen, equal in Fit and Finish to custom
work, for less money is a specially of ours.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30

~ H'' - w u IL lc tiIC Nop ~
that ever was framed"
A copy cried Mrs. Mapleton,
growing pale
"A copy" cried the connoisseur,
and IA very poor one. 1T isn't worth
the room it takes upon your wall, my
dear madam"
Mrs. Mapleton cried herself to sleep
that night. In the morning, when
she came down, the Meissonnier had
broken its cord, and lay prone on the
mantel, with the javelin of bronze
halberdier sticking through the can
vass. while the seventy-fve dollar
frame was broken into fragments.
Dear me, what pity" said grand
ma.
at is the best thing that could have
happened.' said Augusta, bitterly.
That very afternoon sheriff officers
took possession of the house, and the
Mapleton family slept in hired lodg-
lngs at the top of cheap 'hat."
August, came to her husband next
day.
"Ah. Gerard" she said, "what should
| ever have done without that darling
old grandmother of yours! | may as
we'll confess it all. | wa, just going
to take dose of laudanum and end
all my shame and remorse st thus
having ruined YOU, when she came in
like guardian, AS she is. And, oh,
she talked so beautifully TO me-just
exactly as if were little child who
had Gone wrong out Of slmple mad
vertence. And she wants us 10 60
ou' to her old farm house on the Hou-
slt.nic River and live there. It's all
furnished, she saws, and-and"-with
II little hystsrical laugh-"there are
no Meissonn srs there"
- the young peopls went out to the
old farm house, where the sumacs
were beginning to faunt their Grim
sou velvet torches, aud the stone walls
were garlanded in scarlet festoous of
NO dbine, and there they began the
world anew.
Dear grandm.." said Mrs. Maple
ton, one day, "how wrong an estimate
| formed of your character when first
Won came to us ~
You thought me \ m.ddllng old
woman, eh ?" aid grandma, her keen
blue eyes sparkling shrewdly through
her Iasses.
But | don't think so now" said
Augusta. Il am 30 much happier
here. with my bees and my chickens.
and aIi the beautiful things which
surround me. And Gerard hasn't
got that tron'lsd l4ok in his face all
the time. Aad he is growing so sun
burned aad healthy"
ia are both of YOU Conteut<d.
rh SAID gra dina, knitting dillgsnt
Iv away.
"ph yes; quite" said Augnsts. Civ
ing the old lady's withered hand lit
tie squeeze.
Well, then" said old Mrs. Maple
ton. Il will tell you \ little secret
there is ten thousand dollars in tn.
" ooiharen bank which | have been
saving up for Gerard to begin bust
ness agarn.'
Keep it there" said Gerard. very
promptly. | an satisfied with being
a farmer
And what DOES Augusta lay: ?" ask
ed the old lady.
"Augusta saws the same" declared
the young wife. "Sh- is qate, quite
satisfied
Grandma MAplrtou smiled. The
lesson OF adse' sity had not b.en in
vain.
Mrs Augusta sddel:
The picture Of woods and fields
that can see at sunset from this
back ward is lovelier than all the
NeISsrnniers in the world"
Il think so, too, said Gerard but
IN his secret heart he believed that the
happy light ia Augusts's eyes was n
stlIl iairer aud sweeter picture. l..
Lsigsr
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30
HANDY e. COX,
i43 N. HOWARD STREET,
IISURAsCE WITHIN Reach II ALL.
THE HARTFORD LIFE
-hNn--
ANNUITY COMP ANY.
HARTFORD, COMMIT.
UW Insure oH HeoHhy Sutjecf<, Nalc
and Fennlc.

1--WE COMPANY ~as org,uiLei ~ lsG6 aud
l. did business upon tie kshownent sud An.
nuity Plan until the tall OF 1879 when they
adopted the safety fund - stem, 10y WHICH plan
they can now carry insurance at less than halt
tie cost OF the Cd time companies.
The safety fund renders the pay yment OF every
policy TO the very last man, an absolute Ger
isiniy.
man Of forty years old can carry one
ihonssbd dollars on his life, ana thus secure
that amount to his family at bis death, hv the
pay ment OF nbeui ten dollars year and v hen
he Las paid his ten do lars nddlriouai into the
safety fund, and has been member Tor FIVE
years, liz pay ments i'll he greatly reduced by
iivid, nds declared every six mosthS. The
safety fund is already over $500, 600 and is rap
IDLY Increasing. They have cash capital of
$3.50, 900 and aSsetsamouuiing TO over one and
a quarter million.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30
Don't Find Fault.

Don't be whining about not having
i fair chance. Throw sensible man
out Of window. he'll fall on his feet
and ask the nearest wav to his work.
The more YOU have to begin with, the
less You will have IN the end. Money
You earn yourself is much bri ghter
than any You can get out of dead
mans bags \ scant breakfast in the
morning of life whets the appetite for
a feast later IN the day. lie who has
tasted sour apple will have the more
relish for IL sweeter one. Your pres
cut want will make future prosperity
all the sweeter.
Eighteen pence has Set up many II
peddler in the business and he has
kept his carriage. AS for the place
you are cast in, don't find fault with
that; YOU need not be horse because
YOU are born in a stable. If bull
tossed man of mettle sky-high, he
would drop down into good place.
\ hard working young man with his
wits about him will make money while
others will do nothing but lose it..
"Who loves his work and knows how
to spare, may live and flourish any
where.
rs to little trouble, who expects
to find cherries without stones, or
roses without thorns? Who would
win must learn to bear. ldleness lies
in bed sick of the mulligrubs, where
industry finds health and wealth.
The dog il the kennel barks at teas /;
the hunting dog does not even know
that they are there. Laziness waits
till the river is dry and never gets to
market. "Try" swims it and makes
all the trade. Cant do it" would
not eat the bread set before him, but
"Try" made meat out of mushrooms.
"a Miss is as good as = mile" and
a great deal better. You can't hug a
mile.
The pen Is undoubtedly mightier
than the words; but We have seen the
time when we would have given q
whole gross Of them for hickory club
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30
Sunshine
AND
.SHABBINESS-

Go badly together and Good
Clothing is indispensable to
every respectable man. We
have four Houses full of IL
in every Imaginable good
style and at every po>>lhl"
price-the Looms Of the
world are represented anu
the industries of Asia, 4
well as of Europe and Amer
lea are displayed on olu'
counters.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30
seouiaI. Brands :--.<P


u slocka
goods
q III Chrs and )
:
" T. B. Lloyd
! s 4 . o
t he of D
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30

"When woman" says BaIzac, sis
no longer jealous of her husband, the
end has come. She no longer loves
him.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1886-04-30

"Misfortunes never come singly,"
remarked Jones, when = young man
sat down to play his own accompani-
ment to song.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1886-08-18

equal to that ever shown by
soldier or martyr he publicly took
up the work, and went forward in
it without fear.
On Tuesday evening of last week
this fearless friend of law and
temperance sealed his devotion to
holy cause with his blood.
Though the actual murderers have
not as yet been discovered, that
they were but the tools of the
saloon keepers is not doubted. Nor
can the responsibility of the city
government and of the business
men of Sioux City for the murder
of this man, whose only crime was
to sustain the law, be either denied
or evaded. We have no words
sufficiently strong to denounce this
fendish outrage, or tho spirit of a
traffic which could inspire it. Yet
out of it, we trust, will spring the
good of arousing the nation to q
knowledge and an appreciation Of
the desperate purposes of the rum
power. If it does this, and right
speedily, it will not prove an un,
mixed eyil.-Piasburgh Advocate.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1886-08-18
What Will M Not DO?

The lawless and murderous spirit
of the liquor traffic in this country
had a startling illustration last
week. A Christian minister, Rev.
George G. Haddock, pastor Of the
First NJ. E. Church, of Sioux City,
Iowa, was waylaid and shot down
in cold blood in the streets of that
city for taking an active part in
securing the enforcement of the
prohibition law. We take the
following statement of the case
from the Iowa State Register:
The saloons held full possession
in violation and defiance of the
law. The Mayor and City Council
encouraged and shielded them in
their rebellion. A very great num-
Der of the business men in the city
petitioned the Council to permit
the saloons thus to violate the law.
So complete was the reign of terror
by the rum power, that city
government, business men, social
life, and even the churches, for a
long time, were awed by it and
cowed before it. The saloon held
perfect possession of the city, and
seemed to have the almost unan-
imous consent of the people to
violate and defy the law. When
Mrs. J. Ellen Foster visited the
city, and found the saloons in full
blast and no one ready to help en-
force the law against them, and
was able to find among all the
people only two women who were
willing to file information against
the saloons, this heroic minister of
the gospel stepped forward, and
tried to call the city back to its
conscience by pledging himself to
lead in the enforcement of the law.
So complete was the reign of terror
by the saloons that the people
wondered at bis courage, and called
it audacious and foolhardy. But
he felt that in a civilized state a
man certainly could stand for the
law without being killed for it, or
that if he could not, he was willing
to be killed in order to show the
state the malignity and desperation
of the defiant power in rebellion
against the laws. With q bravery
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1886-08-18
Beer Wagon Drivers.

If beer is helper to Temper
ance habits, as brewers claim, we
would expect to see some evidence
of this in those employed by brew
ers. For years we have observed
in this city that the most danger
ons class of drivers are those in
charge of teams belonging to great
breweries. Within few days a
passenger in street car. had his
arm broken by the pole of a beer
wagon crashing through the win
dow. Within week we saw the
driver of a beer-wagon stretched on
the pavement by the side of his
wagon, from which he had fallen,
apparently in drunken stupor.
Not long since we watched a
drunken driver on a beer-wagon
driving his team from one side to
the other of Fifth avenue, sndan-
gering lives at every moment, and
enoountering no policeman for
several squares. Not long since
we saw the driver of 8 beer-wagon
on ferry-boat SO stupe6ed by IL
quor that he could not take his
team from the boat when it reach
ed the slip. Very often we see
them when they appear about to
roll off their seats in helpless
drunkenness, but such is the force
of habit, that they are able to make
their way even in this wretched
condition. Doubtless other team
sters drink too much, but we do
not observe any other class of driv-
ers which presents SO many in
stances of gross intoxicstion. If
the observation of others and sta
tistics confirm this impression, it
will add much to the conviction
that beer is nothing but one of the
grosser elements of physical and
moral observation-disclosures.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1886-08-18
Harpers' Weekly on the Anti
Saloon COnterence.-A Definite
General Policy Demanded.

The proposed action of the con-
ference-that is to say, the action
which the leaders in the movement
think to be best for the interests of
the Republican party-is not de-
olaration for any specific law, but
a protest against the business of
dram-selling and its consequent
evils, leaving to each State to de-
eide for itself by what means the
end shall be attained. But what
ever is done should be in such I'M
mistakable opposition to tho liquor
interest that its friends will leave
the party. The obvious objection
to this scheme is that temperance
or "anti-saloon" sentiment, when
it is the handspring Of political
action, is, like anti-slavery senti-
ment, an engrossing issue, which
subordinates other objects to itself.
But the Griffin scheme contem-
plates primarily the interests of
the Republican party as distinct
from an anti.saloon party. Now
the saloon or liquor interest, being
thoroughly organized and amply
supplied, cannot DO encountered
successfully by an anti-saloon SEN
timent which is mere episode in
the purposes of another party. If,
as the call for the conference states,
the very existence of the Republi-
can party is at stake, owing to the
discomfort Of anti saloon Repu bill
cans, is it probable that such Re,
publicans can be satisfied by an in.
determinate policy to be left to the
States? The evil is a national
evil, or it is no concern Of a nation.
al party.
But if the evil be national, the
platform OF the party must be ma
tional and uniform. The anti.
slavery policy was not left to the
pleasure of the States, to be one
thing in Maine and another in
Michigan. 1t was a national poll.
cy promulgated by national Con.
vention of a national party, and
the party in each State was to car
ry out that policy. The Republi.
can party can meet the demand Of
temperance Republicans only by q
definite general policy. 1t must
declare for prohibition or for some
form of license. If its existence is
at stake upon the question, it can.
not save itself by resolving that in.
temperance is the prolific cause Of
crime and suffering, and that sa
looms ought to be suppressed in the
way that seems wisest in the va
rious States,