News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-08-26
THE JOKERS BUDGET,
A LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
ONE TO SMILE OVER.
The Crumbs that FeIl-A Story OF Spain.
Right to Lnugh-A City Farmer-Thet
Other nauis mai |, 5ssstnstss ssAffd pots
and Dnshes, ETC., Etc q
~ '
NO G5AIEnIIST

---za---
NO sAWDUsT.
SOse time ago it was announced in
the papers that prominent Detroiter
would make trip to Spain this summer.
Three Oh four days after the announce
ment he received call at his house
from an oldish lady, who introduced
herself.as living in the city and stating
that she had read the notice
'.Yes, / shall visit Spain, he replied.
s'These Malaga grapes come from
Spain, don't they?" she asked.
3 ssY es'm -
q s5.You will undoubtedly go where they
Grew9'' ,.-..N-..-s-.s4z
''Undoubtedly."
We'll, wanted to see if you wouldn't
do me little favor. I'm very fond of
malagas, but hate to pay two shillings
pound for ,em. l don't believe they
are over ten Gents pound there, and I'll
leave thirty cents with you and have
you bring me back three pounds. Please
select large punches and don't have any
sawdust on 'em.
His astonishment was so great that
she had laid down the money and got
away before he could speak He rushed
to the door just as she boarded street
car, and she called to him from the
platform:
'Large punches and no sawdust.
The sawdust never agrees with me. y
Detroit Free Press.
THE TRIALS OF FARMING.
'T can't imagine what the trouble is
with that COW, " said a New Yorker who
is giving his attention to amateur farm
ing this season.
'She looks all right" commented a
neighbor.
''Yes, she looks all right, "agreed the
New Yorker, ''but the doocid critter
won't give down her milk. When l
bought her month ago she gave twen-
ty-four quarts day; now Pm lucky to
get five. And it isn't because she
doesn't get MIXED often enough" add
ed the puzzed amateur "Not a day
passes l don't milk that COW half dozen
times day, at least"
THAT DREADFUL CHILD.
Little Mamie Peterby attracted con-
siderable attention at a social gathering
by asking where Mrs. Yerger got her
new baby.
sit came down from heaven on rain
bow" said Col. Yerger, somewhat en-
barrassed,
81 know that" replied Mamie, "but
how did it get into the house2"
Through the window, 1 guess"
&C. fbot1o tho ~ ipfa fho
house? Grandma, is that the reason
you goes around every night to see that
the windows are all shut ?"- TerGs Sitt-
ings.
sCRiPTURAL PANORAMA.
The regular lecturer to the panorama
being i'll, his assistant behind the scenes,
o Hibernian, officiated in that capacity
one night.
teThls movin' scane, gintle-
men and ladies, REPRESENTS tDaniel in
the Lions Den. 1nls Is Daniel be-
twixt the lions"
Auditor--''Be them wild lions or cir
Gus lions %
Lecturer-"I pity the ignorance of
the like of yez, sor. This was b. c.,
before circuses. ."-Ier0s SJtings.
BAD SPELL.
A little 3-year- boy became unruly
at home, and his mamma, wishing to
get him out of the way, lifted him over
into great wood box in the kitchen
and bade him stay there. An older
brother came in soon after and seeing
him there, said:
"Well, Charlie, what have you been
doing nowT'
80, nawthin'," was the reply. "Only
mothers having one of her bad spells!"
Boston Record.
HAD A RIGHT TO LAUGH.
Hello, Charley! What's up? Never
saw you looking SO jolly and happy"
'My best girl just got married"
SCOT married! Why, man, is that
anything to be gay and festive over?
You ought to be in the last stages OF
"That's all right. You see Pm the
fellow she married rll take q little
syrup in mine. ."-KerchGnt 1raceller.
ZONE" FOR TIE OTHER MAN.
The story is told of Scotch wife,
shortly after the nuptial not had been
tied, mildly expostulating with her hus-
band for indulging in two tumblers of
whiskey toddy just before going to bed.
""y dear Agnes, a glass O. whiskey
toddy makes another man O. me-"
''But, my dear William, you take
two"
''Ay, Agnes, that gangs to the ither
nan. ."--PA1ladelphia Telegraph.
THE CRUMBS.
The conversation had turned on Jug
glers and their tricks. A child, who
had been listening attentively, said:
"Well, in my opinion there are great
many cleverer men than jugglers, and
they don't show in theatres either"
To whom do you refer, my dearl"
"Why, to the bakers, to be sure. l
never could make out how they get all
the crumbs into loaf of bread. It'd
Bits.
IT WENT WITH THE TEA.
Mrs. Houston was very much sur
prised at supper the other night when
Bridget brought in the tea and with it
a picture cut into small pieces, one for
each boarder.
"Why, Bridget what have you been
doing 2" .
"An' shure ma'am. did ye say the
chrome went wild the tea ?"-IS1 Bits.
HIS FUTURE ASSURED.
az guess I'm pretty safe about going
to heaven" remarked Bobby to young
Mr. Featherly.
Mr.. Featherly replied that he earnest-
ly hoped so, and then inquired why
Bobby felt so confident about the matter
Because" explained Bobby, INA
says that it amt safe to trust me where
there's fire..
THE FARMERS WIFE.
Stumps, the farmer, has married a
city girl who is trying to learn country
ways. She has heard her husband say
that he must buy dog, and responds:
"Oh, yes! do, Chawles, buy d setter
dog. He can be watch dog at night
and set on the eggs all day, for l can't
make the hens set, though I've held 'em
down an hour at time.-Lite.
SARCASM IN THE WALTZ.
Miss Sharpe-Are you fond of waltz
ing, Mr.. Slimdood?
Mr. Slimdood-Oh, excessively l
could waltz in dream of enchantment.
Miss Sharpe-Well, then l should
think you would learn. Chicago Ram
bier.
THE CHILDREN.
Fnfant terr BILE Why have you gray
hair, mamma?
RnnallSn are SlCn n