The Portland daily press., 1886-12-04
WIT AND WISDOM.

A Wears little daughter, on visiting another
what does your father want a study tor? He
doesn't smoke"
The action of Carter's Little Liver Pills is
pleasant, wild and natural They gently stimu-
late the liver and regulate the bowels, but do
not purge They are sure to please
Beggar girl to beggar boy-When they come to
the door, Tom tell 'em you haven't had anything
TO eat Tor two days; but don't take any turkey.
cause I've got a basket half filled with it now,
and we won't git nothin' much else until after
New Years.
The cool winds chill the heart of the ice cart
driver, and he now sits shivering ON his box,
blue-nosed victim of despair the striking words
"use DR. Bulls Cough Syrup stare him in the
face.
Worth its weight in gold, Salvation OIL 90 cts !
rs my wife in here. do YOU know?" asked a
caller az the police headquarters at Detroit a
"She is not
THANK heaveni But that's a relief to my
mind IL she isn't here she must have tumbled
into the riyeri"
Smart Weed and Belladonna combined witt
the other ingredients used in the best porous
plasters make Carter's S. W. & B. Backache Plas-
tiers the best in the market. Price 20 cents.
A gentleman seeing little miss Of his ac-
quaintance in the horsecar with library book in
her daintily gloved hand, and noticing the title
was that Of rather abstruse subject said;
why my dear, you select very deep literature
Tor your reading. had no idea you were so stu
'Oh is itq" she answered "wer,I did not
know what to get and 50 took this, as the cover
compared so beautifully with my hat. Did you
ever see more perfect match?"
What Is cold In the head? Medical au
thorlties say it is due to atmospheric germs. un
even clothing of the body, rapid cooling when in
perspiration, sc. The important point is, that
cold In the head is genuine rhinttts, an infiam-
nation of the lining membrane of the nose, which,
when unchecked, is certain to produce catarrh-
al condition-for catarrh is essentially "cold"
which nature is no longer able to "resolve" or
throw of. Ely's Cream Balm has proved its SUI
periority. and sufferers from cold In the head
should resort to il before that common allmentbe-
comes seated and ends in obstinate catarrh.
Mamma What is my darling pet thinking of
Darling Pet Whose papa has just reproved him
for piling sugar on his oatmeal)-I was thinking
how nice II would be II pap would die, and you'd
marry Mr.. Smith: he always brings me candy, and
says need sweet things
sickheadache is cured by the use of Dr. soule's
Pills,
Aneasy selection. Gentleman lin furnishing
storel Collars, please, fifteen and q half inch
Clerk "a dashing young man)-Collars, sir?
G,-Yes, sir.
Chow there are two popular styles, sir-the
Apollo and the Belvidere. l wear the Apollo
myself.
Z. very much impressed is that so?
Con, yes sir.
G.-Well, give me half dozen of the Belyidere
Lydia i. Pinkhams Liver Pills are far superior
TO all others for biliousness and kidney complaints
20 c, at all druggists.
Little Florence was years old and her brother
mamma wished them to go to bed, and Knowing
the little girls fondness for playing mamma, she
said:
Come now children, haven't had time yet TO
look over the morning paper. You run right up TO
bed now, and let mamma read. Florence, you can
play mamma and put your little brother TO bed
"All wight" said Florence, sitting down and
taking up paper in imitation of her mother:
-'wun wight up to bed, Willie, want TO wead the
morning paper"
We devote a portion of our space this week to
"Yours for Health" the women's sure friend. Its
popularity is on the increase.
Brown who has been suffering from a bad cold
has been the target for inquiries about his health
without number. These iRterrogatories were ev-
identity well meant, but they had become weary
ing. This morning, therefore when Fogg asked,
''How's that cold getting 0n?n he answered fmpa-
tiently, Worse ana worse. have ordered a cof-
sp replied Fosg We % glad lad
you are going to do something sensible at last"