Nevada County picayune., 1886-04-28
HUMOROUS.
BILL ME-
Strikcn With the Fear of Hydro
 phobia.

the spread Of that moSt insjdious and disagreeable disease known as hydrophobar When fellow be- iup has te be SmOthered, as was the case the ether day right here in our fair land, land where ty- rant foot hath never trod nor blg0t forged a chain, we look anxiously into each others faces aRa inquire what shall we do?
 Shall we go 10 France at great expense aud ftl onr systems fnll of dog virus and then return to our glorious land where We may fork over that virus 10 posterity and thus mix up French hydropho- bia with the navy blue blood of free.born American citizensf
 l wOt not.
 If knew that would be my last wot I would not change it. That is just wot It would be.
 But again.
 What shall we do to avoid get ting impregnated with the Ameri- can dog and then saturating our systems with the alien dog of Par is9
 It & a serious matter, and if we do not want to play the "Desde- mona" act we must take some pre-. cautions. What must tkeoe pre- cautions be?
 Did It ever occor to the average. thinking mind that We might squeeze along for weeks without @ dog? Whole families have exist ed for years after being deprived of dogs. Look at the wealthy of our land. They go on comfortably through life and die at last with the unanimous consent of their heirs, dogless.
 Then why cannot tile poor grad. ually taper of on dogs9 They ought not to stop all of a suddcn, but they conld leave of a deg at a time until at last they overcsmc the pernicious habit.
 ISAW A MAN IN ST. PAUL
  Last week who was once poor and so owned seven Nariegated dogs. He was confirmed in that habit. But he summoned all his will pow CT at last and said he would shake off these dogs and became a man. He did so, and today he owns a city lot in St. Paul and seems to he the picture of health.
 The trouble about maintaining a dog is that he may go oil for years in a quiet, geutlemanly way, winning the regard of All who know him, aud then MI of a sudden he may hydrophOhe in the most violent manner. Not only that, but lie may do so while we have company He may also bite our twins or the twins of our warmest frinds. He may bite us now, and way laugh at it, but in five years from now, while we are delivering a humorous lecture, we may bnrst forth into the audi ence and bite beautiful young lady in the parquet on the ear.
 It is solemn thing to think of, follow citizens, and l appeal to those who may read this as Il man who may not live to see a satisfac, tory political ref0rm--l appeal to you to refrain from the dog. He is purely ornamental. We may love good dog, but we ought tn love our children more. IL would be a very, very noble and eXpeu- sive dog that l would agree 10 feed with ny oulg son.
 l know that we gradually be- come attached to good dog, but some day he may become attached to us, and what can be saddcr than the sight of a leading tizen draw ing reluctant mad dog down the street by main strength and the seat of his pantaloons. q mean hls own, not the dogs pants. ny~This joke will appear in book form in April. The book will be very readable, and there will be another joke in it also. ocd tf)
 IHAVE SAID A GREAT DEAL About the dog, pro and con, and l am not q rahid dog abolitionist, for no one loves to have his clear cut features licked by the warm, wet tongue of a noble dog any more than do, but rather than see hy. drophobia become national char acteristic or leading industry here, l would iorego the dog.
 Perhaps all men arc not that WAY, however. When they get little beforehand they forget that they were once poor and owned dogs. If so, do not wish to be unfair. ] want to be inst, and l be lieve I am. Let us yield up our dogs and bestow the affection that we would otherwise bestow on them on some human being, l have tried it and it works we'll Thnra arn tbAncap1N \ pf pannla n,