Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-07-22

Airy Fairy ILL., the Cock-eye Beauty O
Shanty-Hill, happened to meet on the
line, or if Pansy-eye Mag, the Ripper. an
High Low Jack of Lackawack hove IN
sight durin' trip the boys always passed
the boatman's horn to an fro several
times fore they parted. The boatman's
horn wasn't never O. less dimensions than
four fingers, and sometimes it took the
thumb besides to measure the gauge to
suit some O. the boys Jim Pillet, who's
got to be such big man out on rail
road in the west that faint likely he'll
ever own up to doin' of it, had a boat on
the canal thirty years ago. He called
her the Cheerin' Boat Horn. Then he
writ just under the name, in big black
letters: Never mind the horn less you
kin put the Jug back where you got it,
That made the boys laugh every time.
'Speakin' of this puts me in mind O. the
temperance feelin' that Ike Mason show
in the toast that he writ for his boat. the
Rockin' Jimmy. This was about the way
it went:
'Here's to glorious cold water,
We couldn't run a boat without her."
''There was heap O. solid fact in that,
fer lack of water on the canal, OWN to
to the droughts that drop down on the
bays now and then, is q sad blow on em,
in one respect. In another respect, in
the old times, leastways, lack o. water
didn't often keep 'em awake nights.
When Capt Tom Wood put the following
sentiment on his boat he teehed the hearts
of every hoatman, an they would
made him president if il had been left to
| them:
Low water in the ditch, and an empty
jug,
Knocks a oanaller's JOY heels up
"Thera was a heap q fact in that, too,
an some other hoatman, but l can't re
call his name jist now struck the truth
right betwiXt mind and water when he
! writ:
"a dry summer makes the canaller a
hummer,
Pete Hilferty made big hit with his
boat. The Lovers Sigh, of Greek Locks.
when he write right under the name his
honest opinion O boatin' in the stanzy:
''There amt no life like an able sea-
man,
It's better than raftin', it's better than
teamin,
''That was q likely enough sentiment in
them days, but there hain't no bOatman
afoat on this canal to-day as would gree
| to it now The boys used to have lots O.
fun with the cooks, when they didn't
! happen to be the wives O the captains,
which they was sometimes. If they wasn't
| they was generally big, fat, good-naturd
| Irish women, who didn't care how much
fun was made of 'em, but who, if any of
| 'em did care, wasn't afeerd to waltz in an
clean out the hull crew. member a
boat that had this sentiment on her
STERN
! Beauty an the Beast,
! Beauty missed the boat, but the cook is
aboard.
Another boat was called the Sprite of
the Spray, and nnder the name there was
| painted: -Four precious souls an one
cook aboard The Bard of Erin was az
other boat that had to have whack at
the cook. The boys always roared when
they read just below the Bard's named the
! following statement:
"Capacity of boat-120 tons.
Capacity of COOK quarts.
Jack Kelley used to run boat up the
canal in the fall loaded with cabbage
which he sold along the line. This boat
was the Twin Cousins. Jack informed
the public as to what his boat carried by
! " Large cabbages. Cargo. 3.OO1 heads
countin' the cooks
Capt. Bill Decker, who had married a
widder, an, as folks said, rather got the
worst end o. the bargain, kinder carried
out the truth of the story by paintin' in
| great, big frey-red letters on the bow of
| his boat these here warnin' words:
! OMind your eye, boys; the cooks wider
| mike Hilferty was one O the inner
centl6t young chaps that ever yanked a
| tiiler or ehueked tow-line. He was
| sweet on & gal down somewhere long the
/ twelve-mile level an one night he came
| from calling an her an told a chum O. his
In great secret 6umpin' that his gal had
said to him. The chum promised thu he
wouldn't never tell any O the boys; but
when Mixes captain, two or three DAYS
afterware, painted fur his motto on his
boat the startlin' warnin', Don't fetch me
| Mike, I'm ticklish!' Mike kaow'd that his
chum had given him away, and the boys
teazed him so he left the canal; but the
motto hung to the boat till she was laid
| up for a gOner.
''There was little teller that run a boat
! in the old times that kind O thot he was
little better'n the ordinary run O. boat
men, an he didn't. lose no chance O.
shown it. One O. his darters opened a
millinery shop, an then he swelled up so
that the boys thort he'd bust. Tim Elan
| igan nit an idee, havin' new boat, an he
called it The Big Feelin' Charley. Charley
was the name of the stuck-up boatman.
After the name Tim painted the followin'
notice:
Gimme room! My darter's milIinerr
''Littls Charley see the pint at once,
an he dropped down morn thirty pegs
right away, and so Tim rubbed the motto
out.
'Thsm was good old days." concluded
the veteran, 'an' the boys had snap in
'em. But the poets an jokers is all gone,
an there hain't no sentiment nor fun no
more. I b'lieve I'll quit boatin' this sea-
son an go inter sumpin Iiyelier. Don't
know of no undertaken that wants to hire
hearse driver, do your"
Rough on The Editor.
From the Boston Courer)
Contributor. Here is manuscript I
wish to submit
Editor (waiving his hand(. I'm sorry.