Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-03-22

Talk about women being fighty! Look
at bank cashiers.
Teacher-"What is the hottest place in
the United States?' Pupil-"A hornets
nest
The Irish question is rapidly assuming
this shape. ''What shall we do with
England?"
Love is more pleasing than marriage,
for the reason that novels are more anus
ing than history.
"What is your name, little girl?" ''Min-
nie." "Minnie what?" ''Minnie Don't,
mamma calls me-"
A sermon always seems too short to
the woman who wears a new bonnet to
church for the first time.
Which causes the most young men to
attend meeting-the bell of the church
or the belle of the village?
An actor, unlike other men, can some
times build up most excellent reputation
out of very bad character.
A Minneapolis congregation left the
church one Sunday because the minister
took his text from st. Paul.
Thomas A. Edison is to marry an in
ventor. We tremble to think what the
next generation of Edisons will be.
'There's plenty of room at the top" is
the motto of the hotel clerk, who always
takes great delight in skying guest.
"Thank heaven exclaimed a fond
father, as he paced the floor at midnight
with his bowling heir, "thank heaven you
are not twins
Ayoung lady should not allow her head
to be turned by iattery, but if new
bonnet passes her on the street she may
| turn it just little.
| In ancient Rome bundle of slaves was
an emblem of authority. Nowadays moth
ing short of whole barrel will help {
man into place of power.
western mules tail was blown off by
recent blizzard. What became of th'
blizzard is not stated, but it is safe t.
presume that it had the wind kicked ou
of it.
"Here, Johnny, what do you mean by
taking Willies cake away from him
Didn't you have a piece for yourself?
eyes, but you told me ought always tt
take my little brothers part"
A Buffalo debating society has recent
ly discussed the question: "Resolved
That city man in the country is green
er than countryman in the CITY," Th
result has not yet come to hand.
The bicycle rider usually falls forward
when he falls. and stands on his head
The skater falls backward, and doesn
stand on anything. This allows the am
ateur sport to choose the sport of bump
ing.
Country Aunt-It must be terrible har
work dancing at full-dress ball. Cit
Niece dressed for the ball)-It is yer
fatiguing.-C. Al thought SO, seein
as you are almost stripped to the wais
for it.
A clever Albany girl, who the othe
night was asked what her sensation
were when she shot down the tobogga
chute the first time. cit was delightful
she exclaimed enthusiastically 81 tho
L. was dying"
A Chicago lawyer jumped up the othe
day in court, and exclaimed: 81 desire
pay this court S. for the privilege of tel
ing it that it is either drunk or corrupt
The judge quietly pocketed the $5 an
ordered the case to proceed.
A loving couple in neighboring stat
a few days ago dyed for one another. TIL
man was frosted with the snow of
while she who was TO be his bride ha
the raven locks of 49, He dyed his ha
black. thinking to please her, and sh
ignorant of his noble sacrifice, bleache
her hair white to please him. Thel
were grave looks when they met.
At one of the schools the master, in
general exercise, wrote the word "dozer
on the blackboard, and asked the pu pi
to each write a sentence containing tt
word. He was somewhat taken aback
find on one of the papers the followir
unique sentence: II dozen know my lie
son." If that boy lives to grow up
will be an editor, or funny man, on sor
of our contemporaries.