davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04
The Jail Omaha.

In Omaha's new Jail the cells are ar
ranged in the form of great iron cylin-
der. which revolyes about so that only
one cell is at the opening at any one
tine. This cylinder is three stories
high, there being ten cells on each
floor. Its weight is forty-iive tons, and
this ponderous weight is hung from
above. instead of turning on track be-
low. The strangest part of this ar
rangement is that the great cylinder
can be turned by a simple crank with
very little force, a man with his left
hand moving it readily. When it is
complete it is the intention to have a
little water motor in the basement, and
then Ly simply moving lever the cylin-
der will be set TO rotating. 1t is sug-
gested that when there are prisoners
who it is feared may be trying to cut
out, the cylinder can, by a motor, be
easily kept moving slowly all night, so
that the prisoners do not remain long
enough in one place TO do any mischief,
or even to crawl out if they had made
n partial break. II seems that prison.
ers have little chance for escape from
the new Jail. A cage of iron bars COM
pletely surrounds the cylinder in which
the cells are. The entrance on each
floor is guarded by two doors. The
officer standing outside does not hav
to unlock even the first door, but can
swing the cylinder around until the cell
appears in which Is the desired prison
er, and by simple movement the in
ner door is opened and the prisoner can
step out of his cell Then the officer
can open the other door and let the
man out. but the other prisoners are
way beyond any possible reach of the
officer, and it is impossible for them to
make any break on him while be is TAX
ing a man out or putting one in He can
handle any number of men in the same
way. and they cannot reach him until
he chooses 10 let them.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

An lowan arrived in the city yester-
day, and, after registering at the Kim
ball, bustonholed Phonse Young and
gave him a knowing look. remarking
at the same time: You know what l
want; give me the tip"
But 'Phonse didn't know. and quer-
led; What Is it, sir; a room?'
Yes. room, of course; but that is
not all. | want something else now;
put me on TO it. I'm al right.
Still the genial clerk didn't know,
and q he pulled down his white vest
and winked At Detective FoUte, be-
lieying tine stranger TO be crazy, he
said.
1t must be a bath YOU want, sir.
Yes, | DO want a bath after a while,
bat that i not what | have reference
10. Now. old fellow. yOu know what l
want mum the word. I'll be quiet. "
The smile vanished from the cOunte-
nance of the aStouished clerk. With
an expression of melancholy serenity.
and ia "a voice tinged with sympathetic
melody. he replied:
II ann sorry for You. sir. but ! don't
know what YOU want.
why, replied the stranger, rs he
whispered in his ear. "a drink, of
course.
-.Oh. just step around the counter to
the bar and YOU can get rs much as
you want. and the white vest received
another vigorous jerk. "
The bar-the- bar-ha, ha! | knew
10, knew it. just like my town! Pro
hib'li0u Just the same everywhere
and the stranger gave vent 10 a sar-
donic smile a. he added: My friend.
/ knew it. / told them that il would
he Just that way.
But we haven't got prohibition
now, aud won't have until July, my
dear sir. and in the meantime YOU can
ge. what YOU want
-. well. excuse me, excuse me, for
! Thought il had gone into effect the
first II the year. ! addressed YOU as
! - iu ms own state. where they all
understand the wink. Pardon me. sir,
Tor ! thought / had struck prohibition
town. - Atlanta Constitution.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04
A story of pm Sheridan.

Phil Sheridan is little in body but not
in temper. He has enough of the Il tier
for the whole regular army. He is a
perfect Martinez in government and
his will is absolute law to his subordi-
nates-or else the fur flies. He has
quarreled with both Lincoln and Enid
colt, the only two war secretaries there
have been since he came to the head of
the army. ! was in the corridor of the
Grand Pacific Hotel. in Chicago, in
September last, and CHANGED TO see
Phil coming towards me. He was in
tently engaged n reading a rather
large book that had a gaudy cover and
gilt-Cdged leaves. just as he came up
to me be also came by chance opposite
the elevator. That portion of the no.
tel economy happened at that moment
to be descending. Scarcely raising his
ewes from his book Sheridan ordered
the elevator to stop. But it didr I do
anything OF the sort. Phil Sheridan or
no Phil Sheridan it kept on the steadily
lowering tenor of its way toward the
main floor.
just a. lhc OUuN VI bic CiCN htOl us
appeared Sheridan caught a glimpse of
the boy who had dared to disobey his
order. 1t was too much for his Celtic
temper. There was a crash and the
great glass door was in million pieces.
The head OF the army of the United
States had in fit of anger, thrown
his book through it at the luckless
elevator boy who had not needed his
command. There was general clean
ing up Of broken glass and the hapless
youth got scolding from the clerk,
but that was all ever heard of the in
cident. The clerk declined to tell me
whether Sheridan paid for the repair
ing of the damages or not.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04
Touching Devotion.

Quite "a touching story Of devotion
comes 10 me from Paris. writes a cores
rouIent IF The Chicago Times. Not
long ago the husband Of lovely little
woman whom he had but a few weeks
before led 70 the altar saw her safe in
To- a carriage in which she was setting
ont 10 make some calls. She was the
vcry LIGHT Of his eyes, and they had
spent few hours apart since their we'd
ding day. Imagine his state of mind
when. hate in the afternoon. she was
brought home sen>cle>s and almost
unacceptable But must 20 back a
little. The horse that drew the car
riage slipped in rounding 4 corner. the
vehicle turned over. and the face of its
occupant was terribly mutilated with
broken glass from the windows
When the crowd which soon surround
ed the carriage had eXtricated the poor
little prisoner. she was taken insensiGle
into the shop Of the nearest chemist TO
have her injuries examined. The cuts
and scratches were dreadful. but the
worst WAS cash from mouth To ear
from which q long piece of torn flesh
hung The poor chemist seems 10 have
lost his head az the sight. for instead
Of sewing the piece in place again he
cut II 0tf, AMI. seeing that the patient
remained unconscious. he washed his
hands of her IS quickly a possible.
and saw her driven off in cab to be
taken home. The doctor. WHO'S called
iu bTeatbles> haste, cXclaimS upon the
hUtchery of the chemist surgery. aud
SAYS there is nothing to Toe done but TO
take piece out of the arm Cf the
poor victim to supply the place of that
which the chemist had 50 stupidity cut
oil Bat the half-frantic husband will
not hear Of it, and. taking OF MS coat
and barring his arm. oilers it to the
doctor, and bids him cut from that.
and not touch her with his knife.
But. SAYS the doctor. zone mutilaied
person j. enough in family. my dear
fellow. Beside the pain would he
horrible. However. the Young. hero
IL husband stuck 70 his point. and. il i
said. went through the operation with
q smile ON IN, lips. rcmarking that
they vowed To have all things in COM
mon, pains as well a JOYS The doctor
dit his work deftly, the traces of his
needle are already faint. and he SAYS
Ina, when the healing process : com
plcte there viii scarcely be a visible
trace Of the terrible accident.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

Cleveland Leader of recent date j de-
scription is given of the recent methods
pursued at large phosphate factory,
situated near stockyard. Many of
the cattle. hogs and sheep die in transit
before they reach the yards. Their
carcasses are turned over to the phos-
phate factory. There they are placed
in huge ovens and heated. The fatty
substance that flows from them are
divided into four grades, of which the
first is sold to the makers of bogus but
ter. Such is the stuff that is equal to
the best product OF the diary" The tale
is more truthful that tOothsome.-Ne'0
York Tribune.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

Tire ~. an vho complains that she has
ue ei.arrs SIR bread - inning is usually tie
woman ,yHn hes Uut the combination Of
srs..Lfgf-~ requisite tn command taat
chance. Sine nav have certain abilities.
H5.t Ias. tH- -vs-. tatS- and s-rrui-yot tenn
uar4UrH- tisr makes her Pheasant a -S1ci-
ate. 20 -I.eI may have every desirable social
.flo5It t-t.f tis- social quality ln business
rHIattT..- t. a.l essential % ~u"rr-~-ai-c
.arr th- mental scope, 2 he enel ~ II pur-
f#e-.s 81 tfs spectral talent from - DIsH alone
.a-..t-~ b. suits. But Iu this tte 3 Etlot caE-
.ur Ea.u Fer So must rise 6" tHr require
r.l+ut- Ut the SITUATION or fau 60 hold u
IEr Frvr-iFIa ts.v~ ar. ir-NCrahie- BOSTON
s-4 -fH.F EsHaaH
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

when q IS tia afi fashioned llue mas
fFra II.I -srz. rui insist un using br
Efa-...- sIa4-llsr Pur alive Pellets.
r.ls.i-rr l1-..i. .sii -tNury- bel < small sugar
.s1.r.-i --rtuu.c -. containing tre active
e--.t r.I.-s az t.-r e5u roots and tEI us an.
= F.H.-F# viii ba FOUND % eoH- aiH as much e..
fElrf Z. ravyCt a- ans vt rae ,.a i--.'"Atd
#4~-rr bills. without rE- ia---rs $40 euf
Ita-rf- effects Tbe peiie+@ rate thor
4r.E.v Iu. harm 'e~~iN. c>Iul ~hIIg per
.lr4ua -tfy healthy action IF rhe stomach
t...I E4y s- ana as an auti-biious remedy
are UHe gEliCd-
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

Building contractors will do well to scan
the announcement in our advertising col
ums this week made by P. A. Bergsma Of
st. Paul. Mimi. He supplies sash, doors.
blinds, mou dings, etc, and his facilities
and long experience in the business gives
him advantages which contractors will do
well TO avail themselves of. A call for es-
Inmates will receive prompt attention from
him.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

8ye should eeruami-e nU all times, hut
-stsr,. especially s. hen Times are close v.-
serve. ria purchases 90 Euur thrifty neg
s.,-s N5rs substantial benefits can bg us-
tanned from a Etss crut bottle u llr- Big
5.ty,, Positive & -ire. than a dollar bottle ~
any other CT gI rs-u.eiv- 10 = prompt.
safe and pleasant Gre Tor all throat an
il..- tr.uh.es. sold and endorsed by drug
zI~-=.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

BroaD FrulFlEEs and .-iuviE1rators,
s.f-rrT.. arf ia t-rstives. have bee-
u5Iu.,i.r5F uuol ths people, uut after 9
-.-.5 r..-,--= ~ r1asr utter worthless
r.~- rle W,IEEE-s famous NINE5Ai
FlrrrnS ars r5J 81 thIs class Many
rrfTIaa bsr-,rS haVe been SOLD ana SUI
.Ioss the Il IEa1.i continue TO increase.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

Milton Jayne of Setauket, n. j., died
on Monday from blood poisoning.
Three months ago he lost horse from
CHAMBERS, and in doctoring the animal
he absorbed the poison through u cut
finger.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

Too Much Live Stock-"Why, Jones
what a no )rse you have in your throatw
Eyes, l raised it from col (d)t in my head.
I've too much live stock" 'Well, like
cures like, DIR. BuI's Cough Syrup will
cure you. The Blu ,yill quickly scare the
ho(a)rse away"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

Twcnty-threc wears ago, when sta
TONED as a soldier at Liberty. No. w.
II. Moore. Of Aiartoon, III, had $3.50
stolen from him. lie received anony-
mously S5l.05, beng principal and in
tereSt-
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

careful attention to diet Is the great
e-,fs.rsf + -stffi~t disease IL is q fat winch
al ,noGI know, tb7r aveT-satIaE not only
,.1,ruur- the blood ttit destroy nerve FORCE,
ASA iuIuc dvsref-i3- itUH tr... -ti.ii breath
piles pimI ...~, lss I-l-S- Eaa .eri'r- -tit-
-raraffa .ul an stomach and .tveF
~r.vFf.= DR. JareS' I,-i Glover Tonic
.rr,,t-..Fy .rsr.- tile att1ve diseases Can IT,
4s.r -Ir the moss delicate Prise hi-y
cents, Jf druggists
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04
GA little fire is quickly trOdden out
Which being suffered, rivers cann0'
ouanch -

" nIFF. UtIUS 5UHeIVUl IIFVI9 VUl1I7V
quench."
Procrastination may rob you of time but
bv increased diligence you can make up
the loss; but if it rob you of life the loss is
irremediabe If your health is delicate,
your appetite tickle, your sleep broken, your
mind depressed, your whole being out Of
sorts, depend on II you are seriously as
eased In all such cases DIR. Pierce's Gold
en- Medical Discovery will speedily effect
a genuine, radical cure-make new man
of YOU and save YOU from the fortunes OF
lingering disease.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04
rnnth.ome oleomarrarine.

OF course, oleomargarine may be the
very quintesseDce of all that Is good,
and true, and beautiful. So the moon
may be made of green cheese. In the
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04
rur,tr me nIood

Bv tasiuE Aliens Iron Tonic Bitters,
rtts. .-re.st Fiutri purifier. liver luyigorater
appetizer and genera system reJuVeuatur
T5 h tie l. ~ Iu the world All genuine
bsar the signature of j. Alien, y.
Paul. Mimi.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

Arsnr-rflrI~s4 reporter. writing Of
vsra.Es gr -.a. -rstssI that no less than four
teen 81 THE unfortunate crew aud paSseE-
Eers b5s il- uu-t
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

AreEfede aeon FaTrar. 10 his tareWeli
address ~ New Nork- appealed 20 America
10 lead England iu the work az temperance
lust q Eng sud led Il q emancipation
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

s-sErI-oN--F tue cure of this dis
trg-sIug disease there has been nc
medicine Vet discovered that can show
more t.videucg Of real merit than Aliens
LING BaIsam- -Je, 5st.. aud SI-u0 a bOrt-e
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

pat. yEst tine - 10 t. ~Oi don't know.
SIise- tut .r- guess az il, and then the
man as comes t4fthe>r Ell can - out % the
Kitchen .ra 'u#S-
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04
difference Between a Reception and a

The difference between q large
evening reception and ball is chiefly
the supper" said a well-known leader
in society. IF people are invited to
rec cption they win take anything in
the way of refreshments. from boullon
aud sandwiches down to bOn-bOns. but
when they are invited to a Oall they ex-
pect a regular course supper, with
wines, and they also expect the supper
room TO remain open from midnight
until the ball closes. Prom The NeC
York MORNING. journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

They are eating rosSt monkey IN Paris
Frauehmeu Is seems. lf we are too proud On
acrepl the uarViu uu theory are not too
r,roud to 1--we upon their parents
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

of Chicago. was So helpless with sciatica
aud inflammation re- euuutism thar he could
NOT fed himself Nothing relieved his suf-
f.-riug- until lie used 81 Jacobs Oil. IL con
qHered all pain and he rose a cured man.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

When q chief dies IN Sltbs lis wives
pass TO hi~ next heir. and ua.e-> he~e
relicts purchase their freedom with
blankets theg areUnitesI 10 their grand
son or nephew 81. matter af course.
High >trI y yoHu- = washes SOME
times >curu these ! ~aric~. auJ then
her, Is war. ali The widows re~eu'ing
-u-h III outrage an established
etiquette
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

Chief Engineer John K. Cantlin, Of the
Pls8air iubIa Fire Deparl meut, says that he
was .I.ai Of "a terrible cold by Red Star
Coazu Cure. and that he has given it 20 his
men with most satisfactory results.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

Physicians prescribe Ayers Cherry Pee
toral, on account of its great curative pow
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

CscElirg hens IRE If great value in
no4r.fins-h6uSs wards. They lead the
T.asrlsr s tLink his breakfast eggs are
freshly IEidI
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

The most desirable hair dressing ever Of
6ered 70 the pu bic is Halls's Hair Remover.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

Are fat men likely to be better men than
their leaner .eighbOrs, 1t is certainly diff
ficult for fat man to stOop to anything
low.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

1OCO. M L. NJ
HARDWARE.
strong-Hackett Hardware Co.
FarweH. Ozmun & jackson.
Adam Decker.
IRON, STEEL AND HEAVY HARDWARE.
NicoIs s. bean.
DRY GOODS AND NOTIONS.
Auerbarh. Finch g. Van SIyck.
Indexes. Warner schumacher.
Powers. Duriee & Co.
BOTTOMS AND FURNISHING GOODS.
BIabon. Warren & ChipIey.
Arthur, Warren & Abbott.
GR0CERS.
p W. Kelly Mercantile Co
Alien, Moon 6 Co.
MaNfieId A. Seabury.
i;eaapre. keogh Co.
lanz. briggs HOwes.
TEAS, COFFEES AND SPICES.
Berkey, TaImadge a Co
BOOTS AND SHOES.
&. GotzIan & ca.
Kellogg, johnson Co.
Ionte. ~chuIzs 4 Co.
). Is. Tarbox & Go.
EATS, CAPS AND FURS.
Gordon & Ferguson
LaDpher, FiDch & skinner.
streissguth s. Drake
Drugs.
Noyes Rios. & Cutler.
RySn Drug Co.
CHINA, CROCKERY AND GLASSWARE.
Craig, Iarkin d smith.
Donaldson & ogden.
LEATHER. SHOE FINDINGS AND SADDLERY
HARDWARE.
p II. L. Hardenburgh a. co.
Scheher A. ROssUm.
Chas. e.. schmidt.
PAPER AND STATIONERY.
AveriiI. Carpenter & Co.
Ward, HIll & Mcclellan.
Pioneer Press Co.
BOOKS, PAPER AND STATIONERY.
ST. Paul Book & stationery Co.
CLOTHING AND FURNISHING GOODS.
Campbell & Burbank.
HENS FURNISHING GOODS.
Guiterman Bros
TAIL0RS TRIMMINGS AND W0OLENS.
Yallop. DETROIT & Co.
RUBBER GOODS AND Betting.
st. Pau Rubber Co
Goodyear Rubber Co.
CIGARS AND f0BLCC0S.
WhIteman Bros.
q. n McLain.
NOTIONS AND COUNTER SUPPLIES
u. sommers q Co.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1886-03-04

> hRS. 1860.
MACHINERY AND SUPPLIES.
Robinson & Cary.
Rogers, Willis & Co.
Campbell, Walsh & JilsOn.
WOOD AND IRON PUMPS AND PLUMBERS
SUPPLIES
III. +. RuRg & Co.
SCALES, WINDkILLS. ETC.
Fairbanks, Morse q Co.
MILLINERY AND FANCY GOODS.
A. Oppenheimer Co.
MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS.
Nathan Ford
w. j. Dyer = Bro.
FRUITS, NUTS, ETC
b. Prsslsy& Co.
FURNITURE.
Quinby & Abbott.
CRACKERS d !; AND CONFECTIONERY.
Friedman a. Lewis.
DOORS, SASH AND BLINDS.
BOhn Manufacturing Co.
T. A. Abbott & Co.
WAGONS AND AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS
Mast, Buford & Burweu Co.
G. B. ThurstOn g. Son.
J.. II. MAILER Co.
st. Paul storage, Forwarding . ImpIs.
ment Co.
WINES AND LIQUORS.
Perkins, Lyons & Co.
Geo. Benz 4 Co.
GRAIN AND COMMISSION.
W. 4. Van sIyks q Co.
FLOUR.
St Paul Roller MIL Co.
ROOFING, C0RNlCES AND MACHINERY.
seribner-L1bbey Co.
LUMBER
j. r. GrIbben Lumber Co.
Rood & Maxwell.
y. r. SumWait.
e. N, Nelson Lumber Co.
W. II. FifieId & Co.
John Martin Lumber Co.
LINE. CEMENT AND PLASTER.
The Northwestern Lime Co.
FUEL.
ST. Paul Pacific Coal Iron Co.
Northwestern Fuel Co.
TRUNKS, ETC.
II. s. Crippen Co.
SEWING MACHINES.
Domestic s. NJ. Co.
STEAM FITTING, TOOLS AND SUPPLIES
Il. r. Osborne.
GUNS, Pl.FOLS AND SPORTING GOODS.
N. +. Kennedy y Bros.
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1886-03-05
It Doesn't Work With Boys.

"She won't do, Marie; she won't
do" said the man of the house, just
in time 10 upset the negotiations be-
tween the mistress and a new nurse
ry maid. .......
"Why, dear, don't you like her?'
"She's not young enough"
"Thats why was engaging her.
She's not young"
That's why l object"
"llonry, what do you mean? ?"
IL want young, pretty, bright
girl, with a white apron and a pretty
nose"
ooh, yes; 1 suppose you do"
"You are wrong, my dear. 1 do
not mean that"
"What?"
"Your tone was significant. No.
| have theory. l think that chill
dren grow up great deal like the
people who take care of them"
"Oh," and she began to cry, 81
suppose you don't like to have your
children grow up like their mother"
MY dear, don't he ridiculous.
mean that they get to speak and act
like nurses, and l wish my children
TO have no maunerisms that will be
offensive"
"What kind of a nurse did you
have, Henry?"
"Madam," he said, rather confus-
edly, 81 had colored nurse, but il
doesn't work with boysw
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1886-03-05
Cheap Club Rates.

Subscribers to the SOUTH KENTUCRIAN will
We given the benefit OF the following cheap club
rates with other papers and periodicals:
s. X. and Daily Courier journal. ...... $l2 90
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1886-03-05
He Loved a Beautiful Woman.

Col. r. G. Ingersoll was for many
years resident of Peoria, and some
of the old residents of that section do
not hesitate to assert that at times he
indirectly admitted the existence of
an endless place of torment which he
now claims does not exist. As an i'll
stance of this, and also to show the
readiness at repartee of the Colonel
the following story is told: Several
years ago, when he was in the prime
of his law practice in Peoria, the Col
onel happened TO have as a client
young and buxom widow over in
Washington, Tazewell county. The
opposing counsel was the late Jona-
than X. Cooper, as staunch Presby-
terrain as he was an able lawyer. At
the close of the evidence Mr.. Cooper
arose and made a splendid argument
on his side of the case, closing by say
ing that his legal opponent was pref
udiccd when it came to defending
beautiful women. "Why," said Mr..
Cooper, "when Col. Ingersoll gets a
chance 10 work in a law case for a
handsome woman he forgets all law,
all logic. and everything except her
attractions, and you, gentlemen of
the jury, have no doubt had evidence
of the truth of this during the pro-
gress of the present trial" After the
venerable Presbyterian closed, Col.
Ingersoll arose, with a twinkle in
his eye, and slowly and solemnly
commenced as follows: "Gentlemen
of the jury, the counsel on the other
side is correct. l do have a leaning
in the direction of beautiful women.
/ do love a beautiful woman. / love
the Preside about which play dear
children, presided over by smiling,
beautiful mother. tell you what it
is, gentlemen of the jury, / would
rather-much rather-if 1 had my
choice, be in HI fifteen minutes, sit
ting on a hard wooden bench, beside
a woman as beautiful as Cleopatra,
than to reside lifetime in Heaven
singing psalms with Jonathan X.
Cooper" The jury, court, lawyers
and spectators roared with laughter,
in which Mr.. Cooper was forced to
join, and Col. Ingersoll and his beau
tiful client came out ahead.
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1886-03-05

Tongalinc is giving general salts
faction in my practice. 1t is doing
all that is claimed it will do.
G. c. Seifert, M. d., Cantrall, Ills