Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1886-04-01
Aumuruns department.

of the girls last night?"
EYES," said Bob.
"Who was she?"
Robert hesitated, but finally blurted out:
. II thought it was Annie Warren, but
when we got to the turn of the road she
went into Ella Hams house."
"But'I should think you might have told
by the sound of her voice." said his father.
"Neither of US said word," said Bob,
blushing and stammering.
BOSTON BooTs.-A wealthy citizen had
been out until the small hours with convi-
vial companions, and he arrived home
slightly exhilarated. He managed, by des-
cribing several erratic rather than geomet-
rical lines, to get to his bed room and into
a chair. Then he called to his wife in
single whisper:
~ cant get my boots off,"
"What's the matter with your boots?"
"Nozzin," Tin faint. whisper.)
"What's the matter with your hands,
then ?''
''Nozzin."
"Why don't you pull your boots off
then ?"
"Maria, I've forgot the combination
The DOMESTIC BROMLEY,
Pm having wretched time with my wife.
We wrangle fearfully, and she's so wordy
that she overwhelms me every time"
"Well, Derringer, these little pleasantries
are not to be avoided, it seems. My wife
and have reduced them to science. She
demands but two words, and good-na-
turedly let her have them. It's a small con-
cession, you see."
II should think it was. envy you, Brom-
ley, 'pon my soul do. Oh, by the way,
what are the two words?"
"The first and the last."-PiHsbwy 7sle-
graph.
IT WAS MUTUAL.-Two men who were
rail-fencing along Michigan avenue under
the influence of drink the other day met at
Rowland street. After long stare at each
other one turned away with the remark:
"Too bad! Too bad! That feller'd be
one shmartest men in er country fee didn't
git zhrunk."
The other looked after him and mourn
fully soliloquized:
"Poor man! Might 60 to Congress as
we'll as not, but for zhis awful habit. It is
really too bad. I must shee him and tell
him of 'sr degrading 'fuences of zhrink."
~ "Not five minutes before that electric
light tower fell the other evening"" said one
citizen to another, yesterday, II passed it
with my wife. A little later one or both of
US would have been killed."
II see. 1t is too bad"
"How-why?"
"Probably only one would have been
killed, and the survivor would have receiv-
ed at least $5,OOO."
The first speaker is still looking up the
street at the spot where the second dissap-
peared.
A VERY PRACTICAL WoMAN.-This
short, but pointed conversation between
two ladies was overheard in front of the
japanese wood carvers' stall, at the Ignatius
Hall exhibition. They were attentively
regarding the carved figure valued at$3, 900.
"It'sa wonderful piece of work of course;
but wouldn't give So, 900 for any old wood
en- man."
"Well, should say not Why, if had
$4,000 could afford to have a live one."-
San Franciscan.
WHERE HE DwINDLED.-"What kind
ola man is he? Good, bad, or Indifferent"
"Well, that depends good deal on who
teeters on the other end of the plank with
him."
"How so, sr?'
"Well, if you size him up alongside of Ju
das Iscariot he. looms up midlin' fair; but
when you come to get him down between
such fellows as you and me, Judge, he does
dwindle terrible surprisin'-he does for a
act."-Chicago Ledger.
%"What seems to be the trouble here?"
he asked as he elbowed his way into the
crowd.
Runaway" some one answered.
"Humph! Nobody hurt, sappose?"
"Man almost killed."
"Oh! All! but of course he'll get we'll
always do. What an idiot I was to run
two blocks in hopes to see dog-fght!"
% "You're looking badly, Mr.. Ellis.
Why not try the hot-water cure? Dio
Lewis says it will cure every complaint"
'That shows how little he knows, then"
"But you haven't tried it," "Oh, haven't,
eh? I've been in hot water ever since I
married, and amt getting no better very
fast"
b9r "Wouldn't he 90 along with you?"
asked Judge day or two ago of police
man accused of numerically clubbing a
prisoner. "Oh, yes, he went along all
right" replied the policeman. "Then why
did you club him?" asked thejudge. "And
sure, your Honor, what did 1 have the club
for?"
a9 An exchange, ridiculing the ridiculous
county fairs, which make no effort at good
shows, says that the Clearfeld fair consisted
of calf, a goose anda pumpkin. 1t rained
so hard the first night that the goose swan
off, the calf broke loose and ate the pumpkin,
and thief prowling around stole the calf,
and that ended the fair.
I@ Wife-"Whata very polite young man
Mr.. Dunleyism Husband-"Yes? never
discovered it," Wife-"He was very po-
lite to me last evening"" Among other COM
pliments, he spoke very pleasantly of my
singing" Husbapd-"Did he? That acas
polite"
n6y A West Virginia horse thief is said
to have the popularity of running away