Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1886-08-07
WiT AND HUMOR.

81 don't believe in the boycott on
principle" said SchrePPenstedt, but if
We must have the boycott 1 want to be
boycotted by the hand organ man."
She-And that scar, Major; did you
get it during an engagement!
He (absenHy engagement? Mo- the
first week Of our honeymoon.
pa said Bobby, sleepily, ''can I ask
you one more question, if I amt foolish %
isYa-as, one more GLOW much older
is a ripe old age than a green old age?'
Paul (who is permitted TO ask the
blessing )-oGOd bless auntie and the
girls, and me, too, and bless all that is
on the table, except the cookies, which
are not very good"
Hostess-You do not know what a
terrible undertaking it is to get up one
Of these Mikado parties. I assure you 1
feel quite tired. Mr.. Slimkid-Ah, yesl
It makes every one tredl
In the Peshawur Cemetery, in India,
is the following epitaph: Sacred to the
memory Of Rev. -, missionary, aged
~, murdered by the chowidar. well
done, thou good and faithful servant %
ST see they are trying to put stop to
all betting in New York" 81 am glad
of it. Betting is a pernicious practice.
I hope they viii stop i" 'But they can't
do it." 'Can't do it! I'll bet you $50
they can"
Softie-I thay, Miss Crgsus, do you
mind if stop heah and talk for awhile?
Miss C.-Certainly not. Stay and
talk as long as you want to. But you
won't mind my not staying to listen, viii
you?
Caner-And that old japanese book
you have on the table, do you suppose
it has any commercial value?
Lady of the HOuse.-Well, I really
don't know whether John ever tried to
hook that or not.
'sWhat side is the gentlemen on?"
asked the stranger who had been listen
ing for two hours to Senator Evarts argu-
ing a case in the Supreme Court. 81
don't know" replied the gentlemanly
dOorkeeper; che hasn't committed him
self yet
He SnOb and She Suob, standing be-
fore portrait but, una voce: "HoW in
significant % He Snob, locking into
catalogue dear, this bust is by
Count Gleichen. You know he is a
cousin of the queen P' Both again, una
voce-'HOw beautifully done %
"Do you see that man? That is
PharOah Banks, the successful gambler"
Indeed, is that he? They say his
skill with the cards absolutely beggars
description"
81 shouldn't wonder if it did 1t beg
gars every one he plays with. - Chicago
Rambler.
"The doctor said he PUT me on my
feet again in two weeks"
"Well, didn't he do 1T?
"He did, indeed. I had to sell my
horse and buggy to foot his bill"
"And you've been footing it ever
since"
precisely"
'Yes,' he explained to the young
woman, Al am the adjective editor Of
the magazine" 1.-THE adjective editor %
''Yes. We get a great deal Of manuscript
from young ladies, and it is my duty to
go through their copy and kill the
adiectives. And" he added with a tired
look in his eyes, ''the work is very Ia
boriOus."
Amanda Reginald, understand you
have been circulating the report that we
are engaged, around town.
Reginald-And so we are, my dear.
! Avaanda-Yes. I know; but 1t seems
as though a man who cared for my future
happiness ought not to say anything
that will prevent me marrying some
good man.
Many times a boy would gladly run
away and go fishing on Sunday if he
could only get his father to thrash him
in the morning before he sets out; then
he would enjoy the whole long day with
out a pang. But when he has to wait
until evening for it, the dread of that IN
known i'll that awaits him clouds all his
skies and pitches all his songs in minol
keys.
muscles seem soft, and your whole sys
TEN needs toning up. Are you drink
ing anything?" College Athlete -
',Not a drop" Commissioning tC
excess" College Athlete - mo
Coach" Studyingf' College Athlet'
-'Er-yes, little" Coach (indig
nantly )-"Great heavens, man, do yOJ
want to lose the raceT'
Amateur actor (who has taken tn
} part Of Hamlet:) "Weu, Charlie, VIVA
was the verdict In regard to our enter
tainment last night?' Charlie: aTO b.
, frank with you, old man, I heard som
p of the audience say it was deuce,
stupid" Amateur actor, Stupid Tina
o divine tragedy Why, Charlie, Shake
speare never wrote a stupid thing in hi
z life"
On Excellent Terms yes said
j barber to his customer, ''Fm an Ltahal
count, Ny father is the Duke Bariceli
> Muscallonge GaribaIdi del Plaza. P1
!. his only son"
! aren't you and your father on goo
Z terms ?" aked the customer.
''Oh, yes. In fact send the oil
/. gentleman 50 every week out Of m,
I wages"
n "What are you going to have for SUP
}. per, SnObson ?"
u want a CIVILIZED mawow bone an
, some dayviled kidneys, deah boy
l. THAT'S pretty heavy supper, ism
Q it, old manf''
o "Cawn't help it, me boy. It's wha
Q Wales goes in faw now, and WEAKLY, 70
? know, If he can stand it I guess I can.
= An Old Story Wen Told.
il A gossip from the African cam
n relates Sir Evelyn Wood did not get o.
e vary we'll with his 1baT,faf7 IN on "a