The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1886-04-24

A GENTLEMAN FROM GENTLeMANS-
VILE SEEKING INFORMATION.

4 Hotel Clcrl, and II Bartender Amusc
and Dumbgound Rim-Idiotio Hilarity
Growing DlgnIlied-Neyer Heard of
the Eondout Terror.
The young man was evidently a student
from some suburban educational institution,
for he came in the hotel Office with that kick
a-dry-guOds -bOX-ntO the -Strcet-and-put-the-
shoemaker's-S ver-thc-doctor's-door sort
of an air that always goes hand in hand with
the pursuit of knowledge in rural halls of
! learning. If the market price of beer was 81
glass it would have been a safe bet that the
young man had the price of "A ticket to Chi
cago, with sleeping-car attachment, boarded
safely away in under his vest
| There was no way of telling whether he had
tarried long or not at the beer mug, but there
was no room for doubt that whoever had dal-
lied with the faucet i'll his behalf had dalied
eifectually. The young man stood for mo-
ment by the door and gazcd at the clerk
desk as longingly as man could who had to
shut one eye to gaze at all. he evidently
thought that the clerk and the desk would
swing around to him presently. But they
didn't, and the youth finally braced himself
| and made dash for the desk. he got there
| lust in time to save himself He rested his
hands on the counter and gathered conf
dence. Leaning forward, he addressed the
| clerk:
| CHAT WITH THE CLERK.
"Zennybody seen-hic-seen Bile Sims"
said he. "Zennybody seen m"
II beg pardon said the clerk, as he smil-
| ingly careened his ear over little nearer to
his interrogation The young gentleman
| from the rural home of the classics looked at
the clerk in one-eyed uncertainty for mo-
ment, and then CALCULATED
"Huhf'
~ didn't exactly hear what you were say
ing" replied the clerk politely Il didn't un-
ders and you"
"Uh, We didn't, heyN replied the youth, this
time disdainfuly. "Ye didn't hey Stoo
bad! Didn't hear me, hey. Shh g'wout n
buy YIN ear trum-hic-'near trumpet! Mi
talkin' wild lnjun, ram | a deafn dumb
Chnaman tryin' twarble Welshi Jevver
SEE"
| At this point a passing recollection of some
! thing funny fitted across the young mans
mind, and he gave himself up for few sec
ond, TO that idiotc hilarity with which the
custodian of jag of beer sometimes froths
over. Then he smote the counter with his fist
and rounded OH his mirth with:
"Wh-e-e-e-e JIMMY Hoe her down, Sal,
| FIVE blister a heel"
Then the young man slowly recovered him
self. and once more got the Clarl, in focus.
"Bussay, Gus" said he. Say: zonnybody
secm-oh, We didn't hear me, huh; Who're
you, 'nyhow:'
I'm the clerk, replied the patient party.
ooh, var hey" said the youth, after
swaying and blinking survey Of the clerk.
CLERK. huh. Say, Biz clavlt, stand up'n sass
SINE! IN sec 'boutt! Whe2z floor walker.
dwant'ny clerht' sass-hic--sass sine; 'nwon't-
avt. Wheza floor walker
"A-w-w, come or said the clerk. you
burden me. Go take a spin on the body
varie"
The young man grew diguiiied
"Lookeer," said he. ~ amt my gilly Pete.
Stan! I'm gelman from Ge'mansyille, nj
d'want NY back talk I'm a ge'lman. Ny fazz
ge'lnan, II my muz2 gelman. All my
bru2zS gc'lmcn, n so zall my siss's! Stan!
My family zall ge'l-no, N wrong! All but
Ike" said the youth, again bordering on lev
ity. "My bruss Ike snow gelman, BruM
Ike's lawyer Hay, Gully! Broth lkes a
Say, Pete. Ury e wild me ur agin me-"
INTERVIEWING THE BARTENDER.
The clerk was neither wild him nor agin
him. He declined the flowing bowl but
steered the young man to the refreshment
bazaar
"Hlom said the youth, as he wobhled up
and put out his hand to shake with the bar
tender How is't, gov'norN
"Way up!' said the bartender -Four sto-
ries and mansard, tin shingles on the roof"
Good 'noughs" rejoined the gentleman
from conference.-the. IN open mother
boil. Se'mmupW
"Mumm or Piper!" asked the bartender,
cor a small Widow"
Beer" replied the youth. Dol beer"
"Bad as thatf said the bartender. Amt
you little reckless this evening, senator"
"Zassall right, Gully" the young man as
sured the bartender. "Zassall right. Say
Seen Bile Smis' t'night"
who"
"B'le Smis. Bill, Bill, ly, ly-Ble; Smi-
taitch-Smis. Bile SmiS. Seen M
"Oh Smith, Smith. No, | amt seen
him." replied the bartender. Don't know
him-never heard of him"
The young man had his glass half way to
his mouth. He held it poised in air for a
moment, and then placed it on the bar. H.
opened both eyes aud stared at the bartender.
lie was SletCLLcSs lOT u minute, ana lUell lie
said:
Don't know him2 Never heard'vm? Dom
know Bile Smis: WHAT'S rve-hic-Ive
struck? Never heard'v the Rondout terror
Say. He licked Toppy Grogan in one round.
N Toppy-say, whram |! Don know the
demon sluggerv the coal docks! Bile Smis
the boy t slung keg o beer nside'vim in
in fort-hic-fort'nine mince by the clock n
then ate the glass n here's dutfer't never
heard'vmw
The young man finished his beer Then he
leaned on the bar in a dazed sort of way. BY
and by he said
"Se'lz it, That SELF it! This cuny's playd
out 'Sno use tryin' to be 'nybody! Tmor' |
say Pe-hic-Petey. Tmor' | quit. Dom
know Bile Smis Never heardvim Petey,
t'mor' hire out fr missionary, nil go down
tn grave peddlin fial shirts to the sizzens o
the Sou -hic-Sou Sea islan's Say. gov'nor
IS drown f'ge'funess in the flown bowl
Bile Smis slugged tn life out o Toppy Gro
gan, heres man tnever heard'vim! Gov
hic-gov'ner, 5 fget drownfulneSs in fowin'
bowl. Semmup!'-New York Sun.
When Gen. Terry Was Young.