Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1886-01-01
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pended before certain coal offices.

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pended before certain coal offices.
A brakeman who was caught between two
freight cars the other day was describing his
suffering to his wife. "Wby," she exclaimed,
that's just the way it feels when you are
breaking in new pair OF corsets."
In New York bank. Texas visitor-I
reckon, stranger, you do right smart bust
ness Banker promptly y)-My dear sir, you
have no idea how extended our business rela-
tions really are. At the present time we have
three cashiers in Canada.
Student Ito servant at the door)-"Mss
Brown" Servsnt-"She's engaged" Stu
dent-"I know it. I'm what she's engaged
to-"
In Canterbury, the other day, curious
brass box was dug up. Its name and pur-
pose was mystery until, being opened, there
was found inside three buttons, 8 piece Of
tin, and q scrap of paper. Then they knew
that il was an ancient contribution box.
The boys in the Chinese Mission School
in Boston appear to prefer women teachers
One Of them who in the absence of his own
teacher was put under q man teacher seemed
uneasy. When asked the reason he replied,
Me want old gal"
The Birmingham Medical Review tells of
an old Highlander who was ordered by his
doctor not to exceed two ounces OF spirits
daily. He asked his son how much liquor
that was sixteen drams," was the reply
"WhAt q guild dootor" said the Highlander
run and tell Donald MoTavish and Big
John tae cam doom the NIGHT"
That was a cautious old tramp who, upon
being asked whether he would have a drink
of whiskey as he was beginning job of saw
ing wood or would have it when he had fn-
ished it, answered "Well, mum, think I'll
take it now. There has been a pile of sudden
deaths lately. Lynn Item.
A traveller visiting Mexican cathedral was
shown by the sacristan among other marvels,
dirty Opaque glass phial, After eying it
some time, the traveller said "Do you call
this relic? Why, 1t is empty" Empty ="
retorted the sacristan, Indignantly. 'Sir, 1t
contains some of the darkness Moses spread
over the land of Egypt"
"Auut Ellen, what does it mean to honor
thy father and mother that thy days may be
long in the land ?" "Why, Carl, it means
to obey them always, and do Just what you
know they would wish you to do, whether
you are with them or where they cannot see
you" And how much longer would the
days be 2" "What do you mean ?" "Why,
wouldn't have to go TO bed at eight o'clock,
the same as do now, wonld /"
One rainy morning, not long ago, gentle
man found tramp lying down in his hay
NOV. "WhAt are you doing here ?" he in
quired forcibly. "Takin' 1t easy, boss, was
the quiet answer "Well, you want TO get
out in quick time, you lazy loafer. Why
don't you go to work and earn living?" II
don't have TO work" Don't you? 1t doesn't
strike me that you are bloated bondholder
or monopolist" "Mebbe / aint now, but
will be-" "Why aren't you at it, then ?"
That's what am. Can't you s,e that I'm
laying up for a rainy day ?" The gentleman
saw and not only let the tramp stay under
shelter, but gave him quarter to keep for q
nest egg. Merchant Trd1eiier.