The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-03-04

Tie plaHO 'Ou yes, gin, A6iH5 OeO
| a euchre-deck.
Theodore Griffin, of New York, married Fam
ny Mills. the big-footed girl, and gets five thou
sand dollars to "boot."
Three college graduates had an oratorical
contest at Granville, Ohio, last week, and the
judges are Still alive.
Miss Ella Garvin horse-whipped Harry Sny-
der at st. Louis, but says she's dreadful sorry
| because she broke the whip.
Senator Jones, of Florida, has been sparkling
Michigan girl since last June. Her name is
Palm, and he hopes TO carry her off.
-
The Hamilton county Democrats refused to
have their forgery photographed. They thought
it looked bad enough in the original.
An aerial navigation company has been form
ed in Chicago, to build an air ship. This will
not be the first line of travel run on wind.
-
| In their enthusiasm, let the "missionaries''
pause and reflect that if it hadn't been for the
Mormons they couldn't go to U tab at all.
-.
| The man who seeks to hold his head high,
| should always remember the weather-vane. 1t
does that, but it is a plaything for the winds
| A Kansas imam went out and looked at the
| n-husks, and said it would be mild winter
but they had to thaw him out to bury him.
The celebration of Washington's birthday
was not so extensive this year usual. People
seem anxious to forget him. He couldn't tell a
| lie.
No ho6 Go loft CT1ni innQ OF
than the city was filled with visiting editors.
| Where were the sinners hiding while Sam. was
there.
Some of the Hamilton county officials are in
tensely patriotic. They strive to make their
course like the eagles. An eagle will steal and
! fly away.
| Two st. Louis bruisers had prize fight for a
| girl. A novel scheme! The girl wants her
husband to have a beating that will last him
for all time.
If it wasn't that we don't want to appear in
| Quisitive, we would like to ask how far it is
from the Hamilton County Infirmary to the
Penitentiary.
The last words of John B. Cough, the temper
| ance lecturer. were: "Young man, make your
record Clean" Get it all rubbed off of the slate
| at once.
Sam. Small says he likes "sixteen-ounces-
to-the-pound Christian" So do we, but we
have known men in whom there was not a sim
| gle ''scruple."
| The question at Portsmouth is: "Did the fe
male bicycle-rider have on enough clothes? ?"
| We can't say We understand she didn't have
them when here.
The Chinese minister in New York thinks the
proper thing would be for all the Cinnamon in
this country to go home-dragging their pig
| tails behind them.
man may be good deal stouter than wo-
man. but she beats him some things. She
can turn frying buckwheat cake inside of a
space OF three feet.
| The China men not fit to remain in this
country. What can they understandable
| heather about wrestling matches, prize fights
and cooking mains?
Citizens of Springfield became indignant be-
cause two butchers found dead COW, and sold
her for beef Did the unreasonable citizens
want the men to cut her up alive?
The poet who sweetly sang to his girl about
know that the bird makes a nest out of mud
and daubs it up against barn.
'Come in, and investigate! says the Demo
cratic official in Hamilton county, as he throws
| the front door wide open. But he heels it out
ofthe back door at the same time.
The Apaches say they don't like eronimo,
and want to go to farming. The Apache is the
original American liar. He should become
naturalzed and join the Democratic party.
-.
Clarence ]. Sears, Of Ottawa Illinois. aged 80,
killed his wife because she wouldn't be
ligious as he was. There'll be a smell of burnt
feathers when Clarence takes wings.
SIS there no balm in Gilead Is there no
physician there ?" read the Sunday school
teacher. elf there was no doctor there what
would they want balm for?" asked little
boy.
The most wonderful manifestation of mercy,
is the case of the Indiana man who recently
celebrated his Tooth birthday. So old, yet takes
his liquor and votes the Democratic ticket
The full name of Rhode Island is said to be
"Rhode Island and Providence Plantation"
| Probably because it is small that it was
Providential that it was planted at ALL
A man proudly wrapped the cloak of fame
about himself, and was chagrined to find it
threadbare and full of holes. He then discov-
cred that it was but the garment of his own
conceit.
| Fred. Mussey wauts somebody to 'pray for
Papa Payne" Well, they must hurry up. AL
ready the Democracy have reached that point
where they are singing sickness and sorrow,
Payne and death, are felt and feared no more"
Fanny Kemble once said it "required walk
of twenty miles day TO keep the Devil in her
down." He's a tough old Devil-you can't tire
him. Many poor woman has danced all night
in q vain effort.
Senator George, of Mississippi promised his
| constituents that he wouldn't wear q swallow
tail coat iu Washington, AMI is keeping his
promise, and now his constituents are not
| ashamed of him.
A writer in the Gallipolis Journal suggest that
the noisiest men are not the best workers as a
rule. No, the steam whistle only attracts at
tention-it don't do any work. So with the
noisy man.
Uncle Billy Norman, of Gallia county. offers
to beat any man OF his age-59 years in Gallia
OF Jackson county, shooting with a rife, dis
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