Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-09-15

Ex.
AT Coney Island-"Oh, Issac, see
how beautifully the waves rise and
fall" "Now Rebecca, don't talk
shop."-New York Commercial Ad-
vertiser.
"Been fishing?" Eyes" "Catch
anything?' "Oh, yes. I didn't get
left" "What did you catchl" "The
three o'clock train for home. Ne
wark Call.
She-"Why, Henry, what is the
matter?" Hem love, I-hic-
lemon peel threw me down." She
"Lemon peel, yes and what were
the other ingredients ?"-Life.
Bookbinder.-"Will you have it
bound in turkey or morocco?" Pur-
chaser.-"O, mercy, no! What is the
use in sending it way off there. Have
it bound in New York. ."-Tid-Bits.
"Was the man intoxicated who fell
in the circus tent last EVENING"" ask
ed Mrs. De Groof of her husband.
"No, the man was all right" was the
reply. "He was walking tight rope"
-Ex.
On every million gold coin shipped
from San Francisco to New York
there is loss by friction of from
800 to $3.50. This thing deters us
from shipping our millions. We shall
spend it right here.-San Francisco
Alta.
Customer-"But amt the trousers
too long ?"
Merchant-"Too long? Dey is
made to fit man exzakly your size.
fyou legs happen to be drihe short
you must quarrel nit nature-not the
tailor."-Judge.
Notwithstanding he had the hand
ling of notes all his life, Able Liszt
died poor. Perhaps his familiarity
with the bar had something to do with
it, though his want of pecuniary sue
cess may be accounted for by the fact
that his head was full Of crotchets.-I
Boston Transcript.
Fogg has said the meanest thing
any man ever was capable Of saying.
When Mrs. f. left him alone in the
house the other evening, she remarked:
"You won't be lonely, dear ?" "No,"
he replied; 81 shan't miss you at all.
The parrot, you know, is re."-Bos-
ton Transcript.
During an affray in q Texas town
a man was shot and very badly
wounded. Sympathizing friends rails
ed up the fainting man.
"Take him to the drug store," sug-
gested somebody. Slowly the wound
ed man opened his eyes and whisper
ed family:
"What's-the-matter- with-the |
saloon ?"-Texas Siftings.
"Aurelia, darling"
eyes, Arthur"
"You know we are soon to be mar
ried."
EYES,"
"And we should learn to be
economical in small things"
"Yes."
Hadn't you better turn down the
gas l'-Philadelphia Call.
While the union troops were march
ing through Maryland town during
Lees invasion, some of the straggler's
broke into bakery, and, as one Of
them issued forth, bearing loaf of
bread on bayonet, an Irish soldier
cried out, "Liftinint! Liftinint ! be
jabers, there goes man wild the staff of
of life on the point of death. South
birmingham Gazette.
Country Parson, to city visitor
didn't see you at church to-day"
City visitor: "Ycs, and if you will
believe it, it was the first time that
l can remember when | didn't go to
sleep before the sermon was half
over" Country parson "Indeed
but | am afraid you are trying to
hatter me-" City visitor: "Oh, dear
no, it wasn't that; it was the Aios."
Country parson: "Oh ?"-Boston
Transcript.
Prof. Pickering, Of the Boston
Institute of Technology, has made a
forty-foot instrument and photograph
ed the sun on a large scale. 1t is
said to ben very satisfactory picture,
considering the Disadvantages under
which he labored. The "disadvan-
tages" referred to were that he could
not jam the back of Old Soils head in
an iron wise and tell him to keep his
eyes "on this card AMI look pleasant.
-Binghamton Republican.