The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1886-10-08
M'TAVIsHS SOUP.
He "Paid Up" His Wife for Laugh
ing at 1t.

of the Hon. Hudson's Bay Company,
is, by long odds, the most delightful
Joker ever known. We are fast friends
and boon companions, having served
many years together in Che wiIds of the
Northwest, often sharing the same
canoe ind tent, yea, even blanket and
pannikin Little 77bTtder then, at the
expiration of long and arduods service,
that we drifted to the same neighbor-
hood in which to pass our 'latter
days. and enjoy the comforts and de-
lights of civilization; or that every
year we for a brief period were accus-
toned to cast off the restraints of the
latter, and in some treasure renew old
associations in the forest aid beside
the haunts of the brook-trout and
grayling.
"Geerdie" enjoyed camp life in all
its phases; aid especially loved to dab
BILE in the mysteries of the cuisine,
whereat he was something OF an adept.
The success here attained led to great
er and more elaborate efforts at home;
he was forever pottering in the kitch-
EN-, trying numerous and varied eX-
periments, and even accumulated a
library of cookery and undertook the
study of French, with a view to efllarg-
ing the boundaries of his knowledge.
On one occasion he gave a Christmas
dinner to a number of his old Cronies,
every whit of which was the prepara-
tion of his own hands; and it being
voted a success, he became so egotisti-
cal, setting himself up as culinary
critic on all occasions, that good Mis-
tress McTavish was forced to exclude
him from the kitchen altogether, on
pain of her own resignation of all
household offices. Forced to capitd=
late, he gave over his practices, save
only when the ''guid wife was frae
hame" upon her annual visit to friends
in the Maritime Provinces.
On one Of the latter occasions / was
invited to partake of two new
concoctions-''b ''broiled sausage and
''duck which, / regret to say,
were fiat failures and most horrible
"mcsses." A few days laJer and 1
was again favored with an invitation
to dine, and accepted only on cOndi-
tion he would cOnfine himself to plain
dishes, such only as were supposed to
be familiar in preparation to the veriest
tyro. This time it was ''rice soup"
30 yes!' he knew all about it. "NO,"
he had never made any, but it was,
'tonly bit of stock, a bone, some hot
water, salt, a dash of pepper, a little
parsley, summer saVory, and veg
etables to favor, and Just rice enough
for two, to thicken It'll Any fool can
make thati'
At the proper moment, as supposed,
q quantity of dry and unwashed rice
was poured into the pot. He had for
gotten, else never knew, that this
cereal increased in bulk several times in
cooking; and as for me / made no pre-
tentiOns to knowledge of any kind in
such matters. Having thus gotten
things under way to his satisfaction,
he tipped his char against the kitchen
wall for quiet pipe, while l adjourned
to n book and easy-chair in the next
room.
Some little time elapsed, when was
recalled by a great commotion in the
kitchen-a sizzling and Kissing inter
spersed with expletives, and an OdOr
most horrible. Here was Geordie bus
lily engaged over the stove, brandishing
a huge skinner, with which he was
heaping up dishes with half-cooked
rice, as it poured in fleecy clouds over
faster than he could remove it. AL
ready half dozen pie-tins and a
couple Of bowls were heaped with the
cereal, but the bulk of the
stuff was manifestly in
creasing. Finally, with a muttered
anathema, he seized the kettle by its
bail and flung the whole affair through |
the open window, and sheepishly sug-
gested we dine at the nearest hotel.
As luck would have it, Mistress Nc |
Tavlsh returned week later, and several |
DAYS before expected-"as she had no |
business to do, " so her lord and master !
declared. f'That was the very day he in |
tended to clean upi Imagine the /
scene presented to a thrifty, orderly |
vision! The table piled a /
yard high with unwashed and broken |
crockerY-the set ruined of course
not one of which had seen water for /
more than a fortnight; table-linen that |
had once been white, but would never /
come so again; coffee, SCOT and grease /
predominating everywhere; the frying /
pan in the middle Of the floor filed /
with cinders, the result of an unsucess-
full attempt to 'Saratoga" potatoes; /
dirt swept in little heaps in the corners /
and the broom bearing evidence of |
having been used to poke the ire; a /
mountain of soiled clothing atop the /
cupboard: the sink filled with egg /
shells and tea and coffee-grounds; to- /
bacco, tea, salt and sugar IN unpleasant /
aud dangerous proximity upon the /
shelf; and last of all, her husbands |
greeting: What the deuce brought 4
you homep'
Naturally Mistress Sadie dissolved ,
which speedily brought Ceordie TO re- /
pentance. He assured her lie was really |
glad TO sec her back; he promised any |
nun herof char-womep and laundresssS.