davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world., 1886-05-15
LOVE, M. ID.

oh. she comes in silks and satin
She is versed in roots of Latin,
As well as every root that grows beneath the
mother earth;
She reads Sanskirt, she reads Coptic;
She's the apple of my optic;
She has long list of degrees, and Boston saw
her birth.
Yet it sets my blood ashiyer.
When she asks about my liver,
And 1 stutter and am speechless whenE my
tongue she wants to see;
For I'm fearful to expose ii,
In negligee and she knows II,
When her lovely eyes with tender light are
riveted on me-
With my pulse at a hundred,
sTis not strange that she has blundered.
And doctored me for fevers when didn
"Tis her presence that is heating,
And which sets my heart beating;
For I'm only poor mortal man and She is. SO
divine.
still its pleasant to be ailing,
Just to have an angel sailing
Into your humble room and hllit. full OF life
and light;
But as for O diagnosis,
Why that anybody knows is
Impossible at such time to formulate Alright.
But I'll tell you, fair physician
All the fault of my condltion;O
of you;
And tits in your power to cure II;
III you don't am very sure 1t
Will grow worse until you tell me that you
love me fond and true.
lid Bit.
Western Kansas world., 1886-05-15
An Innocent Man.

Estellihe Dakota) Bell.
The trial of man for murder had Just
commenced in Dakota court when the
attorney for the defence arose and said:
IF the court pleases, we have no fear
as to the outcome of this trial. In the
testimony we shall prove that the MUIR
der was committed four miles from town
at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. We shall
also establish the fact that there was
circus in town that day."
"Hold on" said the judge excitedly,
"you say there was circus in town."
"Yes, sir the Anti European Conglom-
Grafton showed there that day"
"Yes, I've seen 1.-TWO rings, a spot
ted grave-digging hyena, and seven lady
bareback riders. You say the man was
killed about 2 o'clock?'
"Yes, your honor"
''Just the time to the ring parade?'
1.-THE same time"
while the elephant and double hump
ed camels were going around?''
''Yes sir"
"The prisoner is discharged. Trying
to prove that man was four miles away
from town on such an occasion is looked
upon as malicious persecution by this
court. The unfortunate gentleman who
was found dead without doubt commit
ted suicide when he realized that he was
in that kind of position himself"
Western Kansas world., 1886-05-15
An American Beauty.

Probably the most superbly beautiful
woman ever married in the United States
to a foreign diplomat was Mrs. Bass, of
Mississippi. After having passed several
winters here Tin Washington she mar-
ried the Chevalier Bernatti, man of rare
accomplishments, but in no ways good
looking. Her beauty was so celebrated
when che was the widow Bass
that the mere mention of it suffices to
recall to many throughout the country
the vision of her superb presence. "a
daughter Of the gods, divinely tall and
most divinely fair" The Chevalier Bren-
atti, after his marriage, went to Turkey,
where he was minister of Italy for some
years, and the Sultan presented Madame
Bernatti with an exquisite necklace of
pearls He died, and che returned here
to recover from the United States gov
eminent considerable sum of money
for cotton destroyed on her Mississippi
plantation. When last here she was ac-
companied by Miss Bass, who has in
herited her mothers fair, sunny face.
wealth Of Light brown hair and imperial
person.
Western Kansas world., 1886-05-15
Jacobs COurtship.

This true story comes from an old sea-
board town in Maine:
Jacob loved Rachel, but Rachel
wouldn't have him. Jacob labored on,
pressing his suit at intervals, and after
each rebaff telling her he was bound to
win her yet, and convince every one she
cared for him as much as he believed in
his heart she did.
every well,' cried the indignant Rach-
ell, with toss Of her head, keep right
on till you make folks believe that, and
when you do I'll marry your
Jacob did persevere, but with small
success, and at last he began to lose
courage. About this time another suit
or of Rachel's arrived home from sea,
bringing with him, among other e1otics,
a parrot of gorgeous hue, which he pre-
sented to Rachel, who forthwith had the
bird suspended from the sitting room
window, whence she looked our after
Moons when her work was done. For a
day or two after his elevation to this
dignity the parrot remained marvelously
quiet, only casting an easy eye about as
if taking in his new situation. On the
third morning, however no sooner did the
neighbors began to stir than he electri-
fed each passerby with the announce
ment:
"Rachel's gone on Jacob; no chance
for John p
OF course, the more laughter this
raised the more vociferously the bird pro-
claimed the news. It Itspread like Wild
fire, and the parrots audience steadily
increased. Rachel meanwhile went into
but however much this in
commoded the family it made no impress
sion on the parrot, who, although threat
ened and beaten and relegated to dark
ness, waxed more and more furious With
a desire to spread his knowledge.
Jacob kept out of the way for awhile,
but there was no lack OF couriers to
bring him information OF the other fel-
lows discontinue and the parrots he
roic defense of his cause. At last RachePs
father appeared, wearing on his weather.
beaten face an odd mixture Of frown and
grin.
"Look a-here,' he said, ''between that
derned birds schreachin' on folks a
cacklin' that gals Almost out o her head.
There's nothin' for you to do but go over
there and try to fix up things as wells
ye can. I guess most likely she'll see ye
Il do know folks can't always tell"
The upshot was Rachel married Jacob,
who sticks to it that it was tho penetra-
live wisdom of his rivals parrot that did
the business, and denies to this day all
knowledge of the way the parrot came
qy his speech.
Western Kansas world., 1886-05-15
Miss Folsom's Bridal Veil.

Utica Herald.
The latest report touching the presi-
dents marriage is meant to be impress
sive. It is vouched for as reaching print
after only three repetitions from the
source. The source is Miss Folsom's
grandfather, and what it is said he says
is that Miss Folsom '.is buying her trous-
seau in Europe and he furnishes her
the means" Unfortunately the garru-
lous old gentleman goes into details Of
the financial part. He "gave her 81, 600
when she went away and has Just sent
her 5000 more" With all the fnery
which these munifcent sums will buy
Miss Folsom will return to New York to
be married in june" OF course there
is nothing IN this, nothing but the fancy
of an old man. Grandpa Folsom means
well, but he is thinking of what looked
suspicious of wedding when he was
boy. That the bride-elect Of the presi-
dent Of the United States is buying her
trousseau in Europe with 81, 200 nobody
will believe for q moment, that Is, no
body who knows what's what in trous-
seaus and has any pride in the spirit Of
the future frst lady. II Mr.. Folsom
had said: "Yes, frankie and Grover viii
be married in June. frankie Is getting
her clothes in Paris and has Just cablsd
me that her veil cost s., 200 and il Just
lovely-"if II Mr.. Folsom had said this
people would have received his words q
quite assuring Of q wedding. But .
white house bridal trousseau for q, 200 I
It wont do.
Western Kansas world., 1886-05-15
A Cheerful Dakota Liar.

A Dakota Letter to the Modern Miller
In the east thousands of people plant,
and SOW ''in the moon" to insure rapid
growth, but in Dakota it is dangerous to
plant in the prolific phase of the moon,
so they are careful to plant at such a
time that the moon will exert its inau-
ence in holding the crop back. I have
known several disasters to result from
neglect of this precaution. One day
last January I got lost in the country,
and while I was toiling through the tall
new grass I saw man with nothing on
but his suspenders, tearing along like
mad. He stopped just long enough to
tell me what was up, and off he went
again for the Iowa side of the Sioux riv-
er, which he cleared at bound. and fell
on all fours into a snowdrift four feet
deep. He said he and his wife had look
ed up the moon business and had plant
ed their garden the evening before, but
happened to get hold of last years al
manac, and missed it about four days.
The result was when he woke up that
morning the beets that he had planted
forty feet from the house had crushed in
his cellar wall, and had also taken the
door off its hinges, and was just mop
ping the floor with all there was left of
his hired man, whom it had smatched
out of bed in the attic. He didn't know
where his wife was, but he saw some
shreds of nightgown and several agate
buttons in the front yard as he fed. He
said there were peavines after him, with
pods on 'em large enough for phantom
boats; and one could see by the way he
was dressed that, If he was liar at all,
he w not regular Dakota thorough
bre. ample. If I really thought [
woula become an average Dakota Liar, I
would want to die. This territory must
be divided some time before the day
of judgment, for how could the Al
mighty ever audit its accounts with only
one set Of clerical angals ct work at q
timer
Western Kansas world., 1886-05-15

Walnut City Gazette: A very fatal
disease has made its appearance among
the horses Of this county and quite q
number have already died. Our local
hersemen are divided upon the nature Of
the disease, each one having his own
theory a. to what it is.
Western Kansas world., 1886-05-15
Complexities of the Railway Problem.
Popular Science Monthly

complexities OF the Railway Problem.
Popular Science Monthly
Any practical scheme of railroad con.
troll is likely to be based upon a COM
promise. The different interests invol.
we'd are so conflicting that it will not do
to attempt a solution from any one stand
point exclusively. The direction which
Legislation is to take cannot be decided
by mere consideration Of complaints
against the existing system. whether
well grounded or otherwise. We must
also consider what other systems have
been tried, and what evils they have en-
volved; what lines of treatment have been
undertaken, and how far it has been
found possible to carry them out. It is
not question what we would not like
to do, so much as what we actually can
do.
The community requires four things
Of it's railroad system:
l. That it shall afford sufficient facili-
ties to meet the wants of business. In
other words, there must be enterprise in
building new lines, and in keeping the
old ones up to high standard of effici-
ency.
2. That the charges, as whole, shall
be as reasonable as possible. If they
are higher than those of other countries,
or higher than is necessary for the sup
port of the railroads, the business devel-
opment of the community will be re-
tarded.
8. That there shall not be arbitrary
differences in charge which force bust
ness into natural and wasteful channels,
or cripple one man for the enrichment
of another.
4. That there shall be as little waste
of capital as possible, either by corrup-
ton, extravaganza, or want of business
skill. This is not quite so vital matter
as the other three, but it is one which
we can not afford to leave out of ac-
count.
No system of regulation is very likely
to be derived which shall secure all these
results. Free competition, as we have
tried it in America, produces rapid con-
struction and low rates, but fosters dis
elimination and extravagances,t thus secur-
ing the first and second requirements, at
the sacrifice of the third and fourth.
The French system of regulated mono
poly has just the opposite effect; it ore
vents waste and discrimination, but de-
velopement is slow and rates are high.
The third and fourth requirements are
secured at the expense of the first and
second. England enjoys the first and
fourth advantage, at the sacrifice of the
second and third; Italy has secured the
second and third, but failed of the first
and fourth. The granger system of
regulation sacrificed the first in the effort
to secure the second. Partial state owner
ship, as we shall see, secures nothing at
all; exclusive state ownership secured
the third, at a great risk of sacrificing all
the others.
Western Kansas world., 1886-05-15

Manhattan Republic: g. w. Wash
ington, one of the most prominent farm
ers and stock-raisers on the east aide Of
the Blue has had little bad luck Of late
He lost six calves by black-leg.
Western Kansas world., 1886-05-15

Chetopa Adr1ace: Farmers have
promise Of - most abundant crop of
fruit ever zissd 81 JackDon county.
With the }nssptiun q pssches al kinds
Of fruit tr6esy vin1 md 6Mubery are
loaded with bloe1
Western Kansas world., 1886-05-15

About two weeks ago saw q farmer
out behind straw stack gathering into
heap a lot of old bones and pieces. Of
hides and sprinkling salt on them. Yes
terday I saw the same man selling a fine
pair Of steers to a butcher up town.
They were SO fat and had filed up SO
fast that he had pieced out their hides
with an old buffalo robe. This granger
was Sunday school superintendent be-
fore he came to Dakota, but he swore that
these were the same cattle I had seen
him kicking together behind the straw
stack. He said all they had eaten was
some wild grass that had sprung up in
his door yard, where the women folks
had thrown out a few tubs of warm suds
on wash days. He said that he had
learned that the best way to winter stock
in Dakota was to knock them all to
pieces in the fall and get them up again.
otherwise, unless we get blizzard
every week they were liable to get too
fat and round on the native grass.
Last fall 1 stopped at house to bor-
row match to light my pipe with. The
man told me to go right ont ;n the gar
den and pick all wanted. I did not
know what he meant at first: but he went
out with me, and-Pm almost afraid
you'll think am a liar for telling it
there was about half an acre growing of
the finest parlor matches I ever saw.
They were as thick as hairs on a blind
mule. He said he had poor crop the
year before because the seed was too
good for such soil. This year he had
mixed his seed matches with about one
fourth tooth-picks and got a splendid
yield.
went out after breakfast and saw the
man blowing up Hubbard squashes with
gunpowder. They were to large to be
moved, and the farmer wanted the
ground. I noticed that one of his wife's
legs was about eight inches longer than
the other, and the man explained it thus
He said when they first came to Dakota
they lived in "dugout," with nothing
but the ground for floor, from which the
grass had to be moved once day to find
the baby. He.said his wife hada habit
of sitting with one leg over the other
knee, and the leg that remained in con-
tact with the soil got such start that the
other could never catch up.
Western Kansas world., 1886-05-15

IL sell tudt L WdS dIrdlU, DuC SdlO
could conquer my fear, and + would
conquer it.
I slipped through the broken gate,
and, light as a shadow, fearing to
breathe, and with outstretched hands
groping before me least in the dark
should run against tree, I crept on to
the house and peered through the broken
window of the room where we had heard
the noise. But the darkness without
was nothing to that within. I could see
nothing, and no sound reached my ears.
Everything was deadly still, and 1 was
beginning to consider what should do
next, when suddenly, clear, loud and
shrill as the blast of trumpet the neigh
of horse sounded from a thicket of
shrubs close by me, and then, within the
room, close by the window at which I
stood, Missed as it seemed into my very
ear, savage oath.
L heard some one cross the room pass
through the entry and into the yard.
Great God! what an ice bolt shot throu gh
my veins, freezing every drop Of my
blood, as 1, for the first time realized in
what a fearful position stood; alone in
the evil place, at the dead of night, with
no protection but the terrified old negro
who was probably half way home by
this time, and someone, I knew not
whom-it might be VIII Mason, it might
be runaway negro, or even something
worse approaching me,
crouched on the ground and waited
breathlessly. The footsteps passed me
SO close that the long grass they brushed
aside touched me, but they went on
without stopping to the thicket where
the horse was tied, and after some sooth-
ing and patting, he was led to therear Of
the house and apparently fastened there;
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-02-25
STATE SUPREME COURT.
LIST OF CASES DECIDED YESTER-
DAY All GALVESTON.

DAN Al bALN ESION.
Special Telegram to The Statesman.
GALVESTON February 23-The supreme court
rendered the following decisions
Thomas Dwyer ys City of Brennan, from Wash
ington; reversed and remanded.
County OF Trinity v5. E. l.. Vickery ct al, from
Trinity; affirmed.
VIM $ and Matte W. Whitworth vs, Nathaniel
- Aston, from Montgomery; affirmed.
Hattie + Putnam ys. Wheeler Il Rhodes, from
Calves ton; affirmed
Missouri Pacific railway company VS.. j. T. Jar
rard, from Walker; affirmed.
7. }. Garvey, administrator of B. G. Stuart, de
ceased ys. heirs Of L. n. Baker, from Fort Bend
county; affirmed.
Houston City Street Railway company vs.. NJ. j
Pill. from Harris; affirmed, with instructions to
the district court.
Calf, Colorado & Santa Fe railroad company vs.
". J. and j. > Settagast, from Harris; affirmed
y. a and w. o. Ellis gs. A.. S. Valentine ct al,
froul Galya ton; reversed and remanded.
- W Ryon ct al. vs.. y. A. Shepherd, from Fort
1f3end; stlirmed,
y VIM. Holt, jr, ys. a G. Follett, from Brazoria;
y affirmed
4. Barring VS. l.. E, Ward, from Jackson; af-
frTred
& Motions Tor rehearing were Oyerruled in the fol
soWlgg cases;
\ Jno. L. stark vs. j W. Williams ct al, from
Orange.
Gus Levy y Co. VS.. Joseph Feschl, from Wash
ingtCn county.
In the case Of II. s Hubby VS.. C A. Harris ct al
from Harris, briefs for 10th parties and written
areu for appellant we're submitted
Motion for writ Of prohibition was submitted in
fhe case eN parie Norman &. Kttrell, judge of the
twelfth Judicial district
Brefs were submitted for both parties in the case
q 2. A. Wheeler rs. W. IL. Wheeler, from Walker
cOupfV
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-02-25
Only Half Alive.

There are hosts of men and women who, to
coin phrase, are only half alive. That is to
say, they have seldom, if ever, any appetite;
are nervous, weak, Gdgety, and troubled by
numberless small pains and aches. In the
presence of vigorous, exuberant vitality, they
seem mere pigmies. Such persons are usually
fond of frequently dosing themselves. swal-
lowing in the course of the year enough drugs
to stock any apothecary's shop of average di-
mensions. This, of course, defeats instead Of
furthering the end in view, viz, the recovery
of health and vigor. Were they to seek 1t from
Stomach Bitters, how different would be their
case. Then vigor would return to their debili-
tated frames, the glow of health to their wan
cheeks, their trembling, uncertain gait would
Of all sauces, would give relish for the daily
food, were 1t ever SO coarse, and refreshing
sleep would crown the tasks of the day.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-02-25
CUKF FOR PILES.

Piles are frequently preceded by a
sense of weight in the back, loins and
lower part of the abdomen, causing the
patient to suppose he has some affection
of the kidneys or neighboring organs.
At times SYMPTOMS of Indigestion are pre-
sent, fatulency, uneasiness of the stomach,
etc. moisture like perspiration, pro-
ducing very disagreeable itching after
getting warm is common attendant.
Blind, bleeding and itching piles yield at
once to the application of DR.. Bosanko's
Pile Remedy, which acts directly on the
parts affected, absorbing the tumors'
allaying intense itching, and effecting a
permanent cure. Price 30 cents. Address,
The DR.. Bosanko Medicine Co., Piqua, o.
Sold by Alexander Bros.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-02-25
EXPEELING THE CHINESE.

day morning nearly all the Chinese in Oregon City
thirteen miles south of Portland, were ruthlessiy
driven out of town. They were awakened by q
mob of forty or fifty whites, cuffed about their
queues tossed, and all their money about their
persons stolen. They were then escorted to the
steamboat, Satonia, laying at the wharf, placed
aboard of her. and brought to this city, their fares
being paid out of the money stolen. Forty-two
Chinese in all were driven out With the eXcep-
ton of three or four all were employees of the
Oregon City Woolen mills, which also employs
about eighty whites. 1t is understood that a
The names of many of the mob are known, and
Chinese merchants here say they will make an
effort to have them indicted before the United
States courts
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-02-25

According to the Fireman's Journal,
some one advertised in a certain German
local paper that another locality possessed
thrashing machine which was also very
effective as fire engine. The number of
the paper contained the following ex-
PLANTATION: ANY one who advertises that
at this locality we have thrashing ma
chine which can also be used as fire
engine is liar, and even more, though he
be as black and sooty as the devil himself;
said advertisement is only for the pur-
pose of ridiculing mistake our noble
fire brigade made at the late fire. They
were in great hurry, and in place of
hitching their horses to the fire engine,
they hitched them to thrashing- machine
standing near, and drove quite distance
before they found out their mistake.n
And so it turns out not to be combined
fire engine and thrashing machine after
all
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-02-25
AS THEY CANNOT POSSIBLY

Make porous plaster having anything like the
medicinal qualities of Benson,s, the camp follow
ers of the pharmaceutical profession produce tons
of worthless plasters, and give them names which
carelessly spoken, sound like it. For example,
Cheap John druggists will offer you trash yariously
styled "Capsicum,' "Capsicin, 'Caps:cinee, or
"Capucin' plasters, pretaced sometimes with i tne
name WBenton's' or "Burton's" We earnestly
caution the public against the whole tribe Of them
They are absolutely useless as remedies for DIS
ease To be sure they are cheap, but plain muslin
is cheaper and just as efficacious. ASK Tor ben-
sons, watch the spelling, and look for the Three
Seals trademark, and the word "Capcine, which
is cut in the center of the genuine.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-02-25
BROADWAY SURFACE ROAD.

New YORK, February 23-But few persons were
present in court this morning when the investiga.
ton of the mystery surrounding the granting of a
charter to the Broadway surface road was being
conducted. In the absence of Mr.. Conkling Clar-
ence A. Steward conducted the examination of wit
nesses.
James W. Fashay, president of the Broadway &
Seventh avenue railway company, on being re-
third mortgage bonds, W. w. White purchased
$4,000; Jeremiah Curtis, $4,000; George Cove,
$4,000; Isaac Brokaw, $5O,OOO and George Curtis,
S50OOO.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-02-25
UNITED STATES ATTORNEY AS.
SAULTED.

SALT LAKE, February 23-At Z O'Clock last even
ing, United States Attorney Dickson was leaving
the dining. room Of the Continental hotel, some
men asked to see him at the outer door He went,
posed with stone, the others aiding Judge Pow
ers and Major Erley, landlord of the hotel, think
ing the action of the men peculiar, followed and
got to the door just after Dickson had been struck
by Frank }. Cannon, son of George Q. Cannon,
and Angus Cannon. The two other assalants are
not known. One unknown man ran. Judge
Powers put the other two under arrest. Angus
Cannon, when searched, was found to have self
cooking pistol with all the chambers loaded. A
great crowd collected, among them many women,
one of whom was heard to say: ''Served Dickson
right, wish they had killed him, for he most killed
the father" Dickson is not seriously hurt