Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1886-03-19
LEGAL ANECDATES.
Wise, Witty and PunSent Sayi uss o
Bench and Bar.
Chambers Journal

Inc writer remembers hearing OF 4
gentleman who, not wishing to pay
the legal and recognized fee for a
consultation with his lawyer, devised
an expediept whereby he expected to
gain the information he required
without the usual cost. He accord
ingly invited the man Learned in the
law to dine at his house on partic-
ular evening, As friend and old &C
quaintance. The lawyer gladly &C
cepted the invitation, and attended at
the house of his friend and client
prompt to the minute. The CONVEX
sation for some time was very general
and agreeable, and by and by the
shrewd client, by limiting and sug
costing, at list drew the lawyer out
into learned and explicit desserta-
ton upon the subject tbs host wished
to be informed upon. The client
pleased, satisfied and smiling. chuckl-
ed in his sleeves, thinking how nice
ly he had wormed out the advice de-
sired and pumped his lawyer free of
cost.
The feast over, the lawyer departed,
equally pleased, and both beng salts
fed, all went as merry as a marriage
bell, but a few days atterward the eli
ent received letter from his lawyer
informing him that the charge for
profes sional consultation and advice
was Ii shillings and 4 pence, and
would he kindly attend to the pay
ment of the same at his earliest con
veniesce. and oblige." The client
was wild -caught in his own trap;
but, being determined to outwit the
lawyer and gain his own ends, he
forwarded to the latter bill for din
ner, wines and accessories sup
piled" on the 18th inst, amount
ings to 1S shilling and pence,
saying that If he would set
tie the inciosed bill he should only
be too pleased and happy to settle tie
lawyers little bill. The lawyer retort-
ed by threatening to commence an
action against mine host for selling
wines without license unless his. the
lawyers bill was Immediately paid.
Do l need to say that the lawyer was
victorious?
When 1 was a boy, l heard of 3
lawyer who was called up in the mid
die of cold winters night to draw
out the will of an old farmer who
lived some three miles away, and who
was dying. The messenger had brought
a cart to convey the lawyer to the
farm, and the latter in due time arriv-
ed at his destination. When he en-
tered the house he was Immediately
ushered into the sick-room, and he
then requested to be furnished with
pen, ink, and paper. There were none
in the house! The lawyer had not
brought any himself, and what was
he to dol ANY leadpencil2 he inquir-
ed. No; they had none. The farmer
was sinking fast, tt ough quite con-
scious. At last the legal gentleman
saw ehalked upon the bedroom door
column upon column Of figures in
chalk. These were milk Scores" or
'shots." He Immediately asked for
piece of chalk, and then, kneeling up
On the floor, be wrote out concisely up
on the smooth hearthstone the last
will and testament of the dying msn.
The former subsequently died. The
hearthstone will was sent to the
registry in London with special affida-
Wit, and was duly proved, the will be-
ing deposited in the archives of the
registry. | may mention that the law
does not state upon what substance or
with what instrument will must be
written.
There was once plain, outSpoken
Judge who, addressing the jury said:
Gentlemen of the jury, in this case
the counsel on both sides are unintel-
ligible; the witnesses on both sides
are Incredible. and the plaintiff and
defendant are both such bad ctarac-
tiers that to me it is Indifferent which
way you give your verdict"
1t was once reported to the motor
Gus Judge Jeffries that the prince of
Orange was on the point of of enter
ing into the coantry, and that he was
already preparing manifesto as to
his inducements and objects in SO do
ing. "Pray, my lord chief justice"
said a gentleman present, what do
you think will be the heads of this
manifesto?' mine will be one," he
grimly replied.
An undoubted alibi was some time
ago successfully proved in an A,neri-
can court as follows:
And you say you are innocent of
the charge of stealing this rooster
from Mr.. Jones?' queried the judge
You are confident you did not
steal the rooster from Mr.. Jones?'
Eyes, sir; and l can prove it."
How can you prove it2'
II can prove that didn't steal Mr.
Jones rooster, judge, because l stole
two hens, from Mr., Graston the same
hight, and Jones lives i've miles from
Graston's.
The proof is conclusive" said the
Judge; discharge the prisoner"
1t is said that the other day client
received the following bill from his
lawyer: Attending and asking how
you did, Is Sd, attending you On the
pier, when you desired me to look
through a piece of sm okad glass, IS.
Sd. rubbing my eye, which watered,
lbs. Sd. !; attending at luncheon, when
you praised the sandwiches and ask
ed me to partake thereof, 6s. 81. ; con
sulting and asking my opinion there
on, when l said they were very good.
IS. 3d." Most probably the client
treated this as joke, or perhaps it
drove him to extremities
Gentlemen of the jury" said
counsel in suit about herd of hogs,
there were just thirty-six hogs in
that drove; please to remember that
fact-thirty- six hogs; just exactly
three times as many as there are in
the jury-box, gentlemen" We are
informed that the counsel did not
win his case. The jury were not SO
pig headed.
Gentlemen of the jury" said an
Irish barrister, lit will b, for you to
say whether this defendant shall be
allowed to come into court with un-
blushing footsteps, with the cloak of
hypocrisy In mis- mouth, and draw
three bullocks out of my clients
pockets with immunity"
We have heard of several cases of
female ingenuity in aiding the escape
of prisoners. Here is one. The Grim
inals were bandcuffeG, and with their
escort were awaiting the train which
would convey them to the county
| jail. Suddenly a woman rushed
through the crowd of spectators with
shower of tears and cried out: kiss
NE gooa-by, Ned" The escort good
naturally allowed the process of os-
culation to be performed. and the
1 II f.~i.--J III