The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-02-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

Aud, 10 hide his grief hc went TO the show.
His droop!na heart to rally:
Aud he saw the girls of t,, long ago
Cavorting i'll the ballet
An old proverh says: s'All things come
TO him who waits II a man fees the
waiter some OF the things will come to
HIM much sooner. -AorTfSto1rR Herald.
What are the last teeth that Gomez"
asked 4 teacher OF her class i'll physolo-
gy False teeth num-" replied Il boy
VINO had ,iuSt walked up on the back
seat Christian Register.
A Virginia Colonel blew into IA gun
the other day and found it was loaded.
II isn't safe for men who don't know
anything about firearms to bother with
them. m.-Rochester Post Express.
Dehrious delight: Were vou at the
VAN Spykendorn ; dance Christmas"
i.Yass" Lots of fun?" "Yaas" Who
did YOU dance with?'' Didn't dawnce." :"
i.'What did YOU do thene'' Looked at a
d6ocid pretty gyurl. " Y. To-day,
:. Can you tell me whose picture is on
:ten-dollar billSa; asked a caller of a
country editor. Il don't know. /
couldn't even tell you whose portrait is
ON one-dollar bills" replied rhe pen
pnsher, with an eight-line plea sigh
n. /. Journal.
Little Miss Malaprop went 10 see Our
Mary as Rosalind the other afternoon.
and now she tells her companions: Il We
been to Mary Anderson. She played
Shakespeare play How Do You Like
1t, and think liked it very we'll. -
Bhst0n Record.
Some time ago milsic-house in this
l,4+ 1.nl
asking for soma sheet-nlusie. She
closed, apologizing for her blnndefs. III
the following language: ''Plez exhus mi
spelin. spell bi ere. but pla bi not.
N T. Christian Atlsocate
Man with terrible coldl-"Gimme
tcough) rum and (cough} molasses.'
Bartender-''Sorry, sir, but We haven t
q bit of molasses.
Man Well, I've got to Cough do
something to (cough) stop this terrible
cough. Gimme the (cough) rum without
molasses.
Il was surprised to see you come out
of a saloon with that disreputable old
tramp. Colonel. Did you invite him to
drink No, certainly nor; replied
the Colonel. strengthening up; ''but | felt
sorry for the poor old chap. and when
he asked me to take something 1 hadn't
the heart to refuse. ~. 7. San.
"A picture of ancient Phenicia. you
say? How long have you been at work
on it?'' 20. at odd times about year
altogether You must come up to the
studio and see it when l get it done. :"
Thanks, will. | suppose you must be
about completing it now Yes, I'm
putting on the Phnnician touches. -
afdbitS.
..Ha! ha! That's good one on wo-
nen. laughed Mr.. Dulman the other
morning What tickleS YOU nowe"
asked Mrs. Dulman. why, ha! ha! 4
Canadian doctor says more than half
the women are fools Yes" replied
Mrs. Dulman, YEARLY; Il guess he 5
right. Most women marry. PhiiadeL
p..M NecS.
4 cat got into a church-organ in a
Western city, and, when the congrega-
tiun assembled Sunday morning and
hard the frightful and plaintivc COM
planings of the animal issuing from the
assistant worshiper, they thought new
and better or@anist had been engaged
snuee the preceding Sabbath. Norris
E0.on HcrdH.
The Birmingham Hpdicdl Rorje3D tells
of an old Highlander who was ordered
by his doctor not to exceed two ounces
pf spirits daily He asked his son how
much liquor that was. .iSiSteen drains,
was the reply What guild doctor,
Donald McTavish and Big John tae
pam doom the nicht. .
Ponsonby dear boy, I'm Off TO
P;,ree. De Twilieer-What, again?
thought you were tired Of Paree. so
ain, but duty. dear boy. I'm going to
See Pasteur. Good gracious! Have
you been bitten?" Not Vet but there
Is feroci0us dog just moved into our
neighborhood and it is SuSr as we'll 10 be
prepared Philadelphia CAL
When a great ruler dies in Europe
Once is enough in Kentucky. 4 friend
steps reverently to the couch Of the de-
ceased and whispers-nor Necessarily
loud-'Lets take drink. If he
makes no reply. then he is dead beyond
paradventure. and the funeral is pro-
cs.eded with. Louisville Courier-J6ar-
nat.
Mrs Grindham-What viii you have,
MIR. Growler, roast beef or chicken
Growler-Gimme some chicken-fth,
thanks (begins to eat it, but gives up ia
despair) Mrs. Grindham-Well, what S
the matter. now? Growler-I cam
seem to get around this leg-let me have
pine one Mrs Grindham-A pine
one? Growler-Yes, it's softer than
mahogany Rambler.
81 am so pleased said Clara to her
little friend Last Saturday they gave
me such a beautiful doll for birthday
present" ''Ah! you still play with dollsP
don't; am too big now" And what
have you done with yours?' Il have
locked it in the cupboard. 1t viii do for
any children But suppose you have
no children?' Then it win go to my
grandchildren. ."-Paris paper.
Johnny-'.Teacher, what is an Of
chide"
Tan orchid is a queer little plant
with funny flower that does not look
like a flower. -
10, I'd like to see one. never
did,
T.-'Why, yes, Johnny, you've seen
one. A lady's slipper. You know"
j. Gnstinctively slipping his hand be-
hind him)-"O, yes. ."-The Jadge.
Magistrate-'-You are accused of as
saulting Pete Johnson" Prisoner
-'Yes, yo' Honah. Pete lowed wuzzent
no gemman. But only hit him wunce,
sab, at the conan of Fo'ty-secon' street
an Fo'th avenue Magistrate-':For-
ty-second street, The policeman says
he picked him up at the corner of Twen-
ty-third street. Prisoner-'.Am dat so?
Well, / didn't mean ter hit him as had
as dat, Jedge. Deed, l didn't N.
y Times
'tFangle," remarked Squildig, 1--we
fnst been reading little Roman histo-
fy' ''Yes," assented Fangle. And [
learn that Tiberius at his death left an
estate valued at e13.624,000 sterling,
which Caligula spent in less than twelve
months. Yes s.Now, what l want
to know is how Caligula managed to
get away with all that money" That's
1..gt IL