davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1886-07-08

Mems suits made to order from home
made clotn. New STYLES Spring Sulting
Just received from the Mills. A large
stock Of Flannels, Linseys. fweeds,
Yarns, Trunks, etc, for sale Wholesale
and Retail at
JoHS G. CUTLER & Bios,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1886-07-08

n D.. ~
Eleetropathist. a.. ~. S-uth T-m-
pie Street, OPp"si'- vAIt-y House
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26
A welI-Known Humorist.

kbo lTUCbJeTs
The editor OF a large daily newspaper re-
ceived the following letter from the editor of
a little weekly paper published at Cypress
Knee:
dear Sir-You will no doubt be surprised
when you receive this letter, for don't sup
pose you expected to hear from me so soon.
Several days ago you copied the folio wing
humorous paragraph from my paper: Greece
is a greasy country, and Turkey and Guinea
are fowl Let me assure you that | am the
writer OF the paragraph, no natter how many
Others try to claim 1t. his thing, now 50
prevalent, of trying to beat a man out of his
hard earned reputation is wrong, and l for
one am going to put my foot down on 1t. No
summer coon shall tear the laurels from my
bro 7. But what wanted to say to you is
this: Since by copying it you have expressed
such high approval Of my work, feel encour-
aged to ask for a situation on your paper. AS
you have doubtless noticed, my WORK Is strict
ly American and of that cast which is now so
much in demand. Some OF my friends want
me to lecture, but would first rather hold a
situation on your paper, IL you accept my
proposition you might get some posters
printed In different colors announcing my
connection with your paper. Say to the pub
lie that the well-knOwn humorist. Nat Sarver,
will hereafter employ his side-splitting pen
solely on your paper. This will get you many
subscribers. Here are some more jokes which
wrote especially for your paper. You will
notice that they are as fresh as the newly laid
egg of a spring chicken:
"'Why is a one-legged man like a wheel .
Next
can exchange has an article headed, SHOW
to Eat Pie" We should think that the best
way to eat pie is to put it in your mouth and
chew it. Next
last week some one stole skeleton from
one Of our prominent doctors. The thief is a
bone felon. Come again.
You may take these paragraphs without
charge, but l wish you would write an edito-
rial calling attention to them. / know my
connection with your paper would help its
circulation in this neighbOrhood, tor folks out
here are tickled mighty nigh to death over
everything l write. Now about the terms
You have doubtless thought that / would be
exOrbItant. but such is not the ease. | will
work for SO per week, and IN addition to my
other duties will help do up the mail. You
can always depend on me, rain or shine. and
should necessity require it | will fold papers
If you accept my proposition send me pass
The railroad, which is forty miles from our
town. refuses to give me pass because,
suppose, they can't work me; and also, and
doubtless more especially, because / gave
them a singing slam some time ago"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26
The River and Harbor Bill.


The river and harbor bill will, from
present indications, pass the Senate car
rying more than SIS, 100000. or conrse
there will be an cutlery against it, 1t may
bN that pressure will be brought on the
President to veto it.
The bill is a large one, but it must not
be forgotten that the demand for improve
ment of harbors and waterways increases
with the growth OF the countrY's domestic
and foreign commerce. Rivers and har-
bors which offered ample accommodations
for the largest vessels a quarter OF
century ago are wholly inadequate
now to the demands upon them, not
withstanding the fact that they have
been greatly improved. The ocean car
rying trade is largely done by steamships
which are being gradually increased in
size. AS their size is increased harbors
must be deepened TO meet their require
ments-
1t has not been very long, for instance,
since the largest vessels could cross the
bar at Sandy Hook at any tide. Now the
larger ocean steamers have to wait out
side until the tide rises sufficiently to per-
NIT them to crOssit. Several million dol
lars will be required for deepening the
water at Sandy Hook, and this eXpendi-
ture has been made necessary by tue in
crease in the size of ocean steamers.
The growth Of our domestic commerce
has made the deepening of rivers neces-
sary, and also the improvement of streams
which are just beginning to be utilized.
The little streams to which certain Con-
gressmen and newspapers refer with
whitening sarcasm are not as unimpOr-
tant as many Of the opponents Of the river
believe. They are the outlets from coal
and iron mines, and from rich agricultu-
raj districts to the large rivers, and make
it possible for the products of the mines.
farms and forests to be taken to the sea-
board at comparatively small cost.
Let the opponents OF the river and har-
Dor bill point out the appropriations in it
which they are willing to characterize as
without sense or reason. 1t is uniust as
well as unfair to attack the bill in a gen.
eral way. There may be some appropria-
tions ia it which should not be there. If
there are let them be stricken out in the
conference committee to which the bill
will doubtless go. 1t is probable. how
ever, that it would be difficult to pick out
a dozen items in the bill for which very
excellent reasons cannot be given for
their presence there.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26
PERSONAL.

SENATOR DAWES has gone to Massachusetts
to straighten some Of his political posts.
MISS WHITNEY's statue of Harriet Marti-
neau is to be presented to Wellesley College
next Monday.
Ex-CHIEF JUSTICE DRAKE, OF Washington,
has been elected director of the st. Paul and
Duluth railroad.
SENATOR HoAR's weird description OF Sena-
tor Evarts IN debate is "a harp swept by the
winds of rhetoric"
DIV. Mort, the defaulting treasurer of COT
fee county, Kansas, Is now ming a ifth-rate
boarding house ia Toronto.
TIE will of the late Henry Havemeyer, Of
New York. bequeaths Illl his property to his
wife and 10 the children after her death.
ADAM FoREPAUGH has stolen march on P.
+. Barnum and leased the Madison square
Garden, New York, for the coming winter.
THE ,livian Minister. Cashmere Corral
and his attache and iir.t secretary OF the Le-
cation have left Washington to escape the
heat OF summer.
GEN :. b. BUCKEER has farm OF 800
acres, 500 cultivated. In quiet part OF Ken
lucky. lie lives there most OF the time, on
the spot that WAS his birthplace.
MR.. PowDERLY IL said by the 81 Joseph
Gazette TO have accepted the invitation of the
Knehts OF Labor Of that town 10 be present
at their Fourth OF July celebration.
A MODEL has been completed OF the eques-
TRAN statue OF Gen. Meai when is 10 be
placed in Paramount PARK. Philadelphia. 10
represents MIN as he appeared az Gettys.
burg.
WEDNESDAY was the semi-centenniai ami.
yersary Of the prOiessOrehip Of the Rev. Dr e.
Joseph Packard dean OF the fAculty OF the
Theological seminary Of Virginia. near a lex
Hndra and Professor OF Biblical Learning
There WAS large gathering ~ the alumni Of
the institution, other clergy men, and lady aud
gentlemen visitors on Seminary liill all day.
JUSTICE GnAY b. said 10 De htting up bic
Ono new hOuse AZ Washington Tor the rccep.
il0n 0f Mr.. Gray, nov Miss Annie Van
Nerhicn, who is at present Boo Europe. Justice
Gray BE- bh years old ant hlsH Van Nechten
about 3D. anh very Deauiiini and accomplished
iila pirfiru AZ "a Ifcutlpns 81 her during her
lasf Yl.it "a ihn While iiDuse were tho subject
oi much comment af thc lime,
nrhntf, fhe go0rtla reilFalisi. WHO u iry.
Inf a. CONVERT n tahfiilH, D. reformed gam.
hlrr. rIfr IT, IHFE'fr ani variety Hctur. iie De-
tN fffH n.di fffuiHlf A. hn arruH, Hni good
iHph nF. Az resent uffunF ln Nashville lf
u npurird inaf $50 FfHf .haIrrf snnHfit
5000 lmfh ~ v hpm lNN pfFnrhrF nHa pre-
eHrF rIHfff nutrr, prninaHf1 conversion
anl sep bitterly - thf memgig III iaeif w.
fpfs,
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26
A Few Words with Those who Want
to Increase Their Trade.

The popularity OF the SUNDAY MORN
ING NEWS and Its great circulation
among the intelligent and prosperous
people of populous city and a
large portion OF Georgia and Florida, not
reached by any other paper on Sunday,
gives 1t a value to advertisers not pos
sessed by any other paper in
the Southeast. No matter what their
goods, wares or wants are, advertisers
will fnd the SUNDAY NEWS unequaled
as a medium through which to address
thousands of people who have many
wants and the money with which to sup
ply them.
Advertisements inserted for Is cents
and upwards. A small advertisement re-
ceives as much care and attention as
large one. Advertisements can be sent In
any day in the week for insertion in the
SUNDAY NEWS. Special contracts made
for large advertisements inserted more
than once.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26
Miss Crmsus.

My Lady Disdain, my Lady Disdaln,
OF contumelious mien,
Az proud and as cold az in days Of old,
The proudest and coolest queen;
With your ehiseled face and your stately grace
You tyrannize over men;
And your beauty rare makes us all despair;
But your beauty will fade
What then?
NY Lady Disdaln, my Lady Disdain,
You're lovely and gay and young,
l asree in sooth there is naught like youth
As poets have often sung;
But the years go by as the swallows fly
With swiftness beyond our ken,
You are radiant now with your white, smooth
brow;
But the wrinkles Will come
What then?
My Lady Disdan, my Lady Dlsdaln,
You've servants atcall and beck.
And jewels most rare CLEAN amid your hair
Or sparkle upon your neck.
You have wealth at hand that you may CON-
mand
BY dipping golden pen,
And an income hne that wish was mine;
But your father may fail
What then2
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26
Momentary Absentmindedness

From the Washington critic.
"Dnnie," hoarselv whispered the Presi-
dent, comlng hastily in and standing holding
the door knob with shaking hand and LOOK
OF fright in his eyes,
ayes, SIRE" responded the startled secre-
tary.
''As 1 passed the open door Of my room n
while ago, / saw bonnet on my dressing
case ami a woman at my window"
Eyes, SIRE" and the secretarys voice was
steady.
"But, Daniel" urged the agitated chief.
"what does it meanS Who could it have
beenYn
Mrs. Cleveland. sire"
"MIss Cleveland is not in the house, Dan
iel. She has gone TO New York"
- said Mrs. Cleveland. sire"
Mrs. Cleveland. DanielYr repeated the
President interrogatiyely.
ayes. sire."
But my brothers wife Ia not here, Daniel. +"
at is your own wife. sire"
POUNDS, Daniel" roared Mr.. c.. ~ had
forgotten. Here, tie string around my
finger b. Jog my memory Til get used 10 NJ.
Ha, ha, Daniel. think ! owe you the cigars
on that, don't i" and a look Of intense and
happy relief came over the President face ~
he resumed his daily Toll, whistnng softly 10
himself.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26
ID. LIneoInls InrennItr.
from ne Wqshingfon Post.


In 1881 he was greatly bothered By the peace
at-any-price men from the North. There waa
especially one old fellow from Massachusetts.
very bland and wholly bald, who WIS Inc
thorn in the Presidential nesh. Mr. Lincoln
managed 10 get RID 81 him and his Quaker ar
pealH 10y one device or another, till his in FOL
Ecnuity wsa severely taxed. Que dav. when
the angel Of mercy had been boring him ahout
hail an hour, 70 the delay OF important bu.l-
ncea tie Pres dent suddenly rDae, walked 10
a rlusei ana took large buttlc from ID.
"hld you ever try thia for hAidnessn he
asked, exhibiting the bottle FOR biz Vlsltoris
inspection.
The visitor admitted that be never hal.
hr. Lincoln summoned % servant. had fhe
Nliilr Hf4rpfd 900. ana gave 30 o. the aston.
lehtn hhlHninf0plsf Win thH lnlunrffuut
"hnf HY fHl ROD some n ihHf Hn Fuuf mead
lffsH ere torp "a uni they saF twnl maia
ihr half kf4Ht Como baet in about ihfra
WuHina HnH frlHrf
Ihf fnffnd disfirle " frun fnund nImsrif
NHi fnr door Hlfh zoe hHli rflfDfff nnftr ~
afia before nf haf iine 10 friHs fffadf.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26
A FLEET-FooTED HOG.
A Sporting Man Tells How he Won One
Thousand Dollars.
From "a OmaAa "a.

From the omaha Bee.
LUCKY about queer wagers," said a sport
ing man the other night. Il shall never for
get the time won $1,000 on fast hog. Have
ever told you the story?"
His auditors shook their heads and asked
for the tale, which he told as follows: lit
was in the summer of 1873, if ] recOlect
rightly. I had been PLAY ng a pretty deep
game In Chicago that winter and spring, anu
when June came my not overstrong system
was pretty nearly broken down. Acting on
the advice OF a medical friend took Jaunt
to httle country town in Iowa, hoping that
months soiourn there might brace me up
for the fall and winter campaign. But to
tell you about the race. The town
had a pretty good course, and some Of the
boys there owned some really good flyers, of
which they we're very proud. One OF them,
whose name ! needn't mention. possessed a
mare upon whose ieetness he particularly
prlded himself. Talking with him in a ban
lering way one day offered to produce hog
which could beat mis- animal in 300 yard
race. He became angry, when insist ed upon
the matter. 'pll tell you what III do,' said
TO him loosely, I'M bet YOU any amount OF
money you may name that my pig can win the
race. Do you take me?' The boys standing
around grew interested and commenced to
pres around. The other man, whose face by
this time was livid with rage, roared, 'I'l bet
you 81. 00Gr
This rather staggered me, but as had the
money wasn't to he bluffed. put it up.
The articles OF agreement were quickly drawn
up and signed.
'Well, to cut long story short, got hold
OF one Of these long, lank, hungry scrub pork
ers and put him at once into tEaining. My
method was TO feed HIM a half bushel of corn
once day. The pig would be stationed at
one end of straight three hundred yard
lane, and over the line at the other end the
corn would be dumped at a given signal. The
moment the corn was dumped the pig was
freed. and away he would scOot for the other
end. This kind of practice was kept up for one
month q "a and nj ip1n no hn NorFsNy
hog could make the distance In a way that
would put Maud S. TO shame. The day of the
race came, and every man, woman and child
for miles around was on hand to witness it
The race was run on the boys own ground,
according to agreement. The porcine racer
was more than usually hungry that day. He
had become so accustomed to finding his half
bushel of corn at the other end of the lane
that when he was released upon the word Co.
he shot off like flash. He darted under the
horses legs, and, before that animal and his
rider could recover themselves, was at the
other end. He didn't get his corn, but did
g't the $1,000. left town the next day"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26
Am AvaIanche of Vetoes.

The wholesale way in which the Presi-
dent is vetoing pension bills is attracting
attention in all parts OF the country.
Some of the Congressman who spent the
evenings set apart for the consideration of
private pension bills at the capitol show
signs of displeasure at seeing their work
come 10 nothing.
1t is very seldom that Congress has good
reasons for passing private pension bill.
About all applications for pensions are
made to the Pension Bureau, and it is
not until they are denied by that bureau
that they are made to Con gress.
When the bills are sent to the President
for his signature he has only TO send to
the Pension Bureau to get all the infor-
nation be needs to act intelligently upon
them. AS rule the Information fur
nished shows that the Pension Bureau re-
fused for excellent reasons to grant the
pensions subsequently granted Dy Con-
gress. These reasons the President gives
in writing his veto messages, and the in
dicatIons are that they are very satisfac-
tory TO the country.
The New York Tribune is, of course,
trying TO make out that the President is
acting upon Insufficient evidence, and is
showing hostility to ex-Union soldiers,
but it does not meet with much success.
The Chicago Tribune, the able "bloody-
shirt" organ OF the West, commends the
President for the course he is pursuing.
1t says that the Presidents objections to
each bill that be yetOes appear TO be we'll
founded, and courageously asserted. 1t
declares that spurious and doubtful PEN
sion claims which had been rejected UNI
der the present liberal laws were taken
40 and rallroaded through Congress, and
that Mr.. Cleveland deserves praise for
meeting them with veto.
It's undoubtedly a fact, as the Tribune
asserts, that under the log-rolling system
ofrorcing these grabs through at nominal
sessions, with less thar quorum pres
/ eui, imposters and deserters have beeu
/ placed on TING pension rolls al higher pen
/ sions than honest claimants can secure
4 VINO make application In the regular
/ way
] Mr. Clevelands predecessors meekly
signed these private pension bills,
although they must nave known that they
were, % avery great extent, fraudulent
Mr. Cleveland. however, Is fearless an0
independent, and bic course IN yetoing
private pension bills will 70 a long way
towards putting an end 10 d dlsgraceml
way ofgetting money outof the Treasury,
aud oi teaching C0ngfessmen lesson
they VIII NOT SON forget.
Nnn YnrE nnllcnmnn M. hnnn r.nn-
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26

FTVI" nc t-HttIueLDbtH Times lIHU.I
By hhbustering throughout the morning
session the Republican members of the House
prevented vote upon the proposed new rule
rsgarding revenue bills for pensions. The
Appropriation bill. Probably the purpose of
Mr.. MorrlsOn's proposed rule may be accom-
pllshed by It's mere presentation as well as by
its adoption. No act imposing additional
taxes could possibly be passed, and yet it has
been made apparent that without additional
revenue there can be no further extension of
the pension list
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26
INDEE TONBW ADVERTISEMENTS.

SPECIAL NoTICEs-As to Crew of Ger. BARK
Schiller and Nor. Bark Device.
ExcURsIoN-To Brunswick via s., F. and
W. Ry.
sTEAMsH1P CHANGEs-Ocea1 Steamship
Company.
CHEAP COLUMN ADvERTIsEMENTs-He
wanted; Employment Wanted: For Rent;
For Sale; Lost; Found; Photography.
PROPos ALS-For Riprap Stone, by James
F. Gregory. Captain of Engineers.
MINERAL W ATER-Ap0llinari arts.
MEprcAL-Guinn's Pioneer Blood Remover.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26


The tariff reformers ask no favors, but they
do desire fair play. They have, during the
past twenty wears, aided their protectionist
fellow citizens in removing one by one the
war taxes which were imposed under the IN
ternal revenue system. But, having done
this, they do not intend that the internal re-
venue system shall he considered as if it haO
customs taxes be made contingent upon cor
responding ATTACHMENTS OF internal taxes.
Take it for all in all, Mr.. Randal's Dill is one
which would obtain the support only OF q
small number in the Senate or House of Re-
representatives..
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26

The Morning News for the Summer.
Persons leaving the city for the summer
can have the MORNING NEWS forwarded
by earliest mail to any address at the rate
OF 50 so for three months, or 81 per month,
Sunday edition included. The address
may be changed as often as desired. In
directing a change care should be taken
to mention the old as we'll as the new ad-
dress.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26
CURRENT COMMENT.
Hitting Near the Mark.

From Me Neto York World DEM,
II Senators or Representatives are too poor
10 give up their law business and their richest
clients. ct them keep out of Congress. The
fact that rich and subsidized railroad cor
poratlOns seek them out as their counsel and
pay them heavy fees is garng proof of the
sort OF services their clients seek, and of the
pernicious character Of the abuse which Mr..
Beck desires to remove
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26
The Republicans aud RandaIlites.

IRON Lee PhHddelDhGG Record (Dem.l
Having seduced thirty five Democratic
congressman into treacherous desertion Of
their own party, the Republicans are now
denounclng Mr.. Randall's proposition to bring
In tariff Dlll of his own. If the Republicans
support Mr.. Randalls tariff bill they can pass
1t. But they appear to have no further I'M
which Is a little crowd by itself hat has earned
he contempt of one party and the dislike of
the other,
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26

NJ. de Lesseps predicts great and
speedy revival in the worlds trade. 1t
will probably take something more sub
stantial than such a prediction to boom
the credit of the Panama canal enterprise
TO the extent of enabling it to borrow
six or eight hundred millions of francs on
new loan,
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26

There is a growing conviction through
out the State that when Macon puts up
James H. BlOunt as her Gubernatorial
candidate, one of her best citizens will
soon have to move TO the mansion up on
Peachtree street in Atlanta.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26
gru Gooos.
BIZ. McKENNA 3 CO,
White Goods.

worth l0c. Nv w.
Fine and'shear White India Linen at SIG:
worth l21<c. - N/S0'
Extra and Superine India Linen at LOG.
l5c. zoe. 25c and up to soc.
Flne white Null Muslins and Persian
Lawns.
French Nainsooks, 4S-inches wide, from
FINE quality Plaid India Linens at I2l<c:
worth 25c. |10'
Checked White Nainsooks from SIC I'M.
H-4Crochet Bedspreads at CSC: worth 81 "a.
rs Crotchet Bedspreads at 81 rs; worth
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26

Gen. Butler is addicted to chewing
slippery elm. The other day he slipped
military and political slips are matters OF
history. He had better eschew slippery
elm in his old age. 1t makes him alto
getner too slippery.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26

The Augusta Chronicle was very cool
and just at the opening Of the Guoerna-
torIal cam paign, but it appears to be los
ing its head of late. 1T should not get rat
tied at the prospect of being on the minor
ity side IN the campaign.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-26

1t is announced that Gen. Miles has
come TO the conclusion that his troops
can run down the hostile Apaches in a
fair race. Probably the trouble with pre-
yious chases was that the troops were not
going in the right direction. II the In
dians are not going TO give the troops a
fair showing, the race might as well be
declared off,