The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-03-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

1
| 50 cents, and the other S1-10 Now.
| what is the difference?" Clerk GLAND
| ly)-"Twelve cents. "-Binghamton Re
| publican.
| Society in the Samoan Islands is
| growing distressingly conventional.
| law has been established lately forbid
ding Senators to appear naked at any
session under penalty of 500 for each
appearance.
Nurse Ito Johnny, who has been
brought in to see his uncle)-"Why
don't you speak. Johnny? Can't you
| tell your uncle you're glad to see himp"
Johnny (whimperng)-'It b'longs to
him first to tell me I'm fine fellow,
and big for my size
A gentleman who came from dis
lance to attend Thursday nights con-
cert, in response to an inquiry as to
How did Won Ike it?' replied: ''Well,
| am not up in musical matters. / sup.
pose it was good, but l like tunes"
| The questioner said, $50 do l. "-Ogdens-
burg Journal.
Miss Popular (to Prof. Pfeffer, who is
showing her the paper he is to read be-
fore the Scientific Club)-And you have
to read these long, long papers, and be-
fore an audience! How l pity you!
Prof. Pfeffer-O, Eat is not 70 much re
pity as to hat to listen to re ozzers!-
Harper,S Monthly.
In the police court-'Prisoner, you
have stabbed an unfortunate woman
twenty-seven times, and only to rob her
of three francs and fifteen sous" Ac-
commodating prisoner-"Monsieur lie
President, | will accept with pleasure
whatever damages you may be pleased
to give me. "-Pdris Figaro.
| Colored servants in Wilmington have
a way of referring to each other as
gentleman or ''ladv" that is very
amusing at times. One of them re-
marked to her mistress the other morn
/ ing that 1.-The gentleman who stole the
coop" Columbia IS. CO. Register.
French as she is spoke-The Browns
spent their NewYear's Lay at ''dear
Parry" Brown pere-Garsong, bring
us some lunch. Garcon--Oui, m'sieu-
pour quartre? Brown-Cati No, hang
it all, l say -. Garcon-Peutetre,
'sieu -. Brown-Potater! Well,
yes, potater, if you like, and beef; but,
mind you, no cat!-Fauany Folks.
at is an outrage the way you treat
me-" said Miss Esmerelda Longcoffin to
! Hostetter McGinnis. "How so, Miss
| Esmerelda?" ''You have sworn to love
and cherish me, and now you are
making love to another young woman.
1t is hideous outrage" "Be calm,
Esmerelda, be calm. I'm going to 90
back on the other girl too. '''-Teras
Syttmgs.
what are you reading, Mamie?"
said Mr.. Clamwhooper to his daughter,
aged IS. 'Only one of those French
novels, papa" ''You should not do
that" 80, I'm not reading it for my
own amusement. It's my painful duty
to examine it. I'm just looking through
it to see if it is proper book to have
lying around where mamma might pick
it up and read it.'-Teras Sytings.
Architecture in Maine-The owner of
one of the houses saw a little girl taking
observations on the street the other day,
and entered into conversation with her.
30 yes" she said, Il like these houses,
but my papa DON'T ''Well, what fault
has he to find with them?'' HE saws
he can't drive through this street be-
cause they brighten his horse Port
land (Me.) Transcript.
M. and Nine. Prudhomme find their
new rooms ill-heated by the furnace,
and decide to buy stove to keep lem
warm. M. Prudhomme reflects:
''Stoves are sometimes dangerous We
must be careful not to run any risk of
asphyXiating ourselves by coal gas"
| IL -
easily avoided. We will never light
it." He smiles at his cleverness, and
buys it.-Parfs Figaro.
Stranger addressing native)-"W
is the matter with that old, gray-headed
man? Is he drunk?" Native-"O, no,
he was never drunk in his life"
Stranger Well, why does he kick up
his heels that way?" Native-"He's
happy" Stranger Lottery prize?"
Native-''O, no. His grandfather wrote
an article for magazine and it has just
been published. "-Arkansaa0 TraUeler.
But one thing marred the pleasure of
the evening, and that was the disgrace
full conduct of the band The dance
began at $3.50, and at II they began
complaining, and at l stopped in the
middle of Virginia reel, the closing
dance, with the remark that they could
not play all night The fair name of
our sister city of Albany will soon be
disgraced by such set of ungentle-
manly scoundrels if they remain there.
american (Ga.) Recorder.
Young artist think my picture is
going to be accepted by the academy"
Friend-.You don't say! Good. l am
glad to hear it." Young artist-"Jen-
kins told me to-day that while he was
before the hanging committee my work
was brought up for discussion. jenkins
said that the chairman, who has great
deal to say about these things, ex-
claimed very pronouncedly: %, hang
that picture 1t looks encouraging,
doesn't it?"-Tfd-Bits.
Boarding House Mistress-.Jane, 90
right down to the market this instant
and order me ten square inches of ele-
plant steak Jane-''Good gracious,
mum, and phwat's got into yez now?"
Boarding House Mistress Don't stand
there asking me foolish questions, Jane,
but go right along and do as tell you.
I've just been reading one of Du Chail-
LUIS books and he says that elephant
steak is so permanent that it takes half
an hour to eat square inch of it,
SomerUilte Journal
A South Yonkers Sunday-school
teacher was trying to explain to her
class what the conscience was, but had
some difficulty in making the scholars
understand. ''What is that small voice
that comes to you after you have re-
tired at night?" she said at length.
80, please, maam, / know quickly
said one of the bright little girls.
"Well, what is it, Dolly?" said the
teacher, proud that her explanation had
been so quickly comprehended. "Cats,
a'am. y onkers Statesman.
Max knows a young woman who is
not afraid of her convictions. She lives
in house where Methodism is the pre-