Morning journal and courier., 1886-08-18
LAID.

The difference between hen and lazy man is that hen usually lays an egg every morning, and lazy man lays bed.-White- hall Times.
 present, MT. Young?' Mr. Young-"We are still in statu quo, I'm sorry to say" Miss Emily-'Oh, indeed Is that far from Bar Harbor?"-Philadelph News.
 A young man who has good deal of spare time on his hands wishes to learn of some- thing that will keep him occupied. We can think of two things right off-getting mar ried apd tipping over beehive.-Burlingto Free Press.
 Kentucky colonel Waiter, something to drink
 Waiter-Yes, sah; watah, saha
 Kentucky colonel-Young man, I said something to drink; don't want to take bath.-Pittsburg Dispatch.
 ssFrank, do you think it would be best to have some pyrotechnicss" asked friend of MT. Lawler on the evening that he arrived at home. ''No, these rich dishes don't agree with me- Til take julep and plain sup per- But, say, ain't the boys going to shoot off some freworksa"-Peori Transcript. A lady reader of the Union has charming little daughter between two and three years of age. The other day the little one, follow ing her mother about the house, heard her complain about the mice. That evening the
 
 prayers with, 'tAnd please, God, don't make any more mice. ."-Rochester Union.
 q believe you promised to settle my little account to- day." said merchant to Niggler.
 "I think not" replied Niggler.
 s'You certainly said so yesterday, unless am much mistaken
 sI promised to pay you tomorrow, but to- day is not to morrow by any means.n
 Exit merchant in gust.-Pittsburg Chronicle.
 An Alleged Business Man.-Inquisitive Son.-'Papa, what does the word 'alleged' mean, which I see used so muchs" Editor ''Well it eans-hem-'reported,' pretend ed, supposed to be, and the like" "But l don't understand, papa. Now, what is an alleged business man, for instance2' "An alleged business man, my son, is man who doesn't advertise. Philadelphia Call. Student Talk-First Student-"Last night you insulted Student Brummel and he will probably challenge you." Second Student | ''I guess not" First Student-'tYes, he | will challenge you. He is @ splendid shot with pistol. You had better look out for | him." Second Student-"Bah He aint going to hurt me. I owe kila too much Texas Siftings.
 l A merchant called his creditors together. One opened hotly upon him. "Sir, you must l have managed shamefullyl" Be calm, my dear sir, you shall lose nothing. am pay | ing my creditors thirty cents on the dollar, but you-to you I will return all your goods 1 back; you shall be perfectly safe" sWhatl | me take my goods baeka Why do you want | to rob me alonea No, sir, give me thirty per cent, too, ike.-th rest!"-Fliegende Blatt- ter.
 He Liked Children. Pennybunker. an old bachelor, who has decided aversion to children, during visit to the Fizzletop l family took little Johnnie on his knee and fondled him. tFormerly didn't take much stock in children, but now I like to see little children grow up this way. It cheers me up," remarked Pennybunker. "But why does it cheer you up more now than former lyg" asked Mrs Fizzletop. ''Last week bought some stock in the Austin street com pany, and after child has reached it's fourth year it has to pay full fare. How I love to see the little dears growing up to be useful men and women," and once more the old wretch fondled Johnny.-Texas Siftings.