The Washington critic., 1886-08-18
SUMMER XAGARIES.

Without a parallel-the North POLE
cleveland sun
Uucle SANS poorest relations Just now
are his relations with MeXico.-[ Exchange.
The position of captain in the Salvation
Army is not always a sinner-cure. Mer-
chant Traveller.
Tramps are sometimes killed by the
cars, but they are never drowned while
bathing.-l Boston Courier.
The next Congress will be the 9th"
and II is hoped it will be Lthier one than
the last Pittsburg Chronicle.
"To-day is good deal closer than yester-
day." said Smith to Jones. eyes, said
Jones, "it's er.n-[ Lowell Courier.
Baseball playing is as old as the flood.
Noah was regarded as great pitcher when
the ark was building. ng.-[New Orleans
Picayune.
The favorite amusement of Texans Just
now is TO get up early and 90 out to see
If the Mexican boundary line Is still blazing.
- Boston Record.
A tramp who was mending his clothes
remarked to passer-by that he was obliged
to spend great deal of time looking after
his rents.-L Merchant Traveller.
Moncure ID. Conway is going to lecture
about "Adam's Third Wife, He might
paraphrase the title, for variety, "Some
Other Eye,"-LBurlington Free Press
If the Lord High Executioner were TO
visit the Concord school of Philosophy
about the first question he would ask would
be whether they were under treatment for
it, Norristown Herald.
A dime museum man wants the police
mans arm that Mrs Cleveland took, but
as be can't get IL without taking the police
man, too, he has given up the attraction.
- Burlington Free Press.
A university student, who is earning his
boord ata biz sumlnel hutci, writes home for
permission 70 marry au h iiIess lie says
that he has been waiting on her for some
time Burlington Free Press.
Arnold maid school teacher declares that
any woman whuis fool enough to get mar
riCd ought to lose her place. On. B.--She
has stood ready To lose her place any time
In the last thirty years, - Cleveland sun.
The revenue authorities have not yet de-
cldcd what sult Of n Iiiture to put upon
The oleomargarlue stamp. We may be per
mltted To suggest the portrait Of an Old
-signiJing tough butter, Philadel-
phi0 Press.
Tennis tournaments are flirting matches
IN disguise. And that is why bald-headed
men and slab.sided women have as little
chance OF being chosen 10 play as a COW has
Of getting Into the kingdom Of heayen.-
Fall River Advance.
Tom Anjeuy OF the University of Texas
has trouble in meeting his bills. To a
pressing creditor he said; 81 can't pay you
anything this month" "That's what you
told me last month" "Well, / kept my
word, didn't Iyn-[ Texas Siftings,
A little bit of a girl living near one OF the
cities ran to her mother from the roadside
with some early spring blooms in her hands,
and full Of tic outside glow, exclaimed,
so mamma, how nice 1t Is to live where
somebody doesn't own everything, NJ Iude-
pendent.
Senator McDougall was conviyal aud
witty TO a degree. Returning from the
Capitol one night slightly excited by tea, he
mstook Maryland for Pennsylvania avenue,
aud In the darkness fell into muddy sewer,
from which he was trying to crawl when a
! policeman came up aud inquired: "Who,
! In the name Of all that's holy, are you?
Gently, my friend, gently,n came the la
bored response, "when / left the Senate
| Chamber | was McDougall. but now 1t
seems that am seward'-[San francisco
] Aigonaut.