The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-09-02
AUMOR.


MILK CONTRACTOR cheese maker.
IT takes more courage sometimes to
discharge a debt than it does to dis
charge cannon.
SOME people believe, yet cannot tell
why they believe. 1t is often the dense
creed that gets the credence. Teras
SVtings.
HER LITTLE RUsE.
She had n pretty hat
And she had little cough,
And her little cough II IL no harm 10 mention;
When in the church she sat,
Shook the III INES upon her hat
And TO its many beauties called attention.
Boston Courier.
A GENTLEMAv, liberal in his con-
tributions for church purposes, but not
regular in his attendance upon public
worship, was wittily described by
clergyman as ;'eing mot exactly pill
lar of the church, but kind of flying
buttress, supporting it from the out
side"
"MEN are the slaves of their environ
ment," says contemporary. This
may be true, but it does not necessa-
rily imply that the slavery is irksome
or hateful. Take pretty girl, for in
stance; she seems to be highly delight
ed with her environment when her
sweetheart's arms are around her
Boston Courier.
A CITIZEN who was bitten by dog
wrote to his lawyer, asking what to. do
about it. The lawyer was bit puz-
zled. but wrote back: Demand salts
faction of the animal, and, if he will
not give it, sue him for damages for
ha 10
ever, he will settle, and you will have
no further trouble, save, possibly, hy-
drophobia. This is the best way out"
-TidbitS.
The morning of the execution the
Superintendent of the prison asks the
condemned what he will have for
breakfast, when it is the custom to give
the unfortunate whatever he desires.
"Well. said the latter, you may get
me some peaches" "Peachesl Why,
this is not the season for them. They
are not ripe yet" 80, well, that makes
no differeDce!" he replied; Il can wait
for them. French paper.
Mr.. BowLEs-Well, how is your son
getting along? Mr.. Towles Shaking
his head dubiously)-I dunno, dun
expectations. Mr.. B.-H'mi I'm sor-
bad company, has he? Mr.. Tn no,
not exactly, but Pm afraid he's going
to turn out to be a sport. Mr.. B.
What makes you think so? Mr.. T.
Well, he wants to go to college.
A MISSISSIPPI RIVER steamboat pilot
died at ST. Louis the other day who
did not claim to be an intimate friend
of Mark Twain, was not so much as ac-
painted with him, and did not even
remember to have ever seen him. Ii is
sad to note in this connection that the
last hours of the poor man were made
miserable by several agents of dime
museums pounding on the door and
trying to get in and make a contract
with him.-Estelline Bell.
SHE wished to appear natural: my
DEAR" said a mother to her daughter,
shall help you to some of the corn
starch pudding?" "No, ma, L can not
eat the pudding to-day" replied the
young lady, "for you know Charlie is
coming tonight" Ma looks up in sur
prise at her daughter, wondering if the
young lady had become deranged
"You see, ma" said the young miss, IF
eat the corn-starch pudding it might
impart stiffness to my manners, and
Charlie would think 1 did not love him
as well as ever"
THE OLD AND DEADLY JOKE.
o, the medieval iokers, with their hoary obser-
vatons, who come with old ancestral jokes
from buried generations-come like ghost
like appartions from an age of dim tradi-
tions, with the legendary halo Of antique
associations
And our wild, eccentric fancy follows on and
pants and presses through the Scandina-
Wan ice-hslds and the German wilder
nesses, startling with unwearied sandal
Goth, and Nsigoth, and Nandal, chasing
down these hoary chestnuts with their
white and withered tresses
o, these immemorial chestnuts of the fatal
funny column, that have made the gener-
atoms lachrymose and sad, and solemn
Jokes that nearly broke the backs of the
old Norseman, Slav, and Saxon-Jokes that
killed the ancient Suevi Ostragoths, and
Wbat-dye-call- emf
y, these patriarchal chestnuts, old as Mecca
and Medina-cause of suicides unnum-
bered on the ancient plains of Shinar for
the prophets bards and sages Of the pa
triarchal ages tainted sehseless when
they heard them, and the priest at the
Sheknahl
And these ancient witticisms in their journey
ings and migrations come with blood upon
their garments from the murdered gener-
ations massacre, and war and fire, pes
thence and famine dire, have not slain
one-half the victims Of these humorous