Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-03-07
JOKES ABOUT JUSTICES.
Tales Told by Lawyers In a
'Squire's Office.
Ten Dollars VS.. Ten Cents---The Hard
Luck a Mesmerist Played ln---
How a Leading Attorney
Was Disbarred.


shout the stove in Justice shop the otner
dsv, when the talk drifted onto the humor-
Gus side OF law as it is dispensed ct these
shrines of the blind goddess. One disci'
pie of Blackstone said:
81 remember a case few years ago.
where o man brought sui. against client
Of mine to recover $40. where only $lO,lo
was owing. The case was heard. and the
Justice reserved his decision until the next
day. At the appointed time ws all sp'
pesred, an J the Justice announced yer,
dict of $40 10 for plaintiff, My client PAID
over the money, and counsel for the other
side took it up and counted it.
well, we downed them. didn't we!
SAID the plaintiff reaching for the money.
Yes, thank God said his lawyer. put
ting $40 of the cash IN his pocket and ex'
tending the dime to his client"
-
That reminds me Of a case l had once,
said another attorney, taking out cigar
and feeling for a match. 1T was in
South Side 'Squire's office, and when
we we're ready to commence looked over
the ,1apers, and observing that they were
improperly drawn, said:
Your Houor, think you ought to dis
miss this case; the pspers are Improperly
drawn. :,
The papeEs are all right, said the
Court
But know they are not, said |. I
move 10 qussh.
The case won't be qusshed, for the
Court drew up the papers itseli! was the
conclusive reply, and the cause proceeded
with illegal papers
~. >,
81 had q case something like that" said
another Of the party. Il saw the papers
drawn BY the Justice in case / had were
all wrong, and told the Court what was
the matter.
~ guess they're all right said His
Honor.
But they are not III leave it to any
body; here comes Mr. Blank in buggy
(mentionipg leading lawyer; I'll leave
il 10 him
Blank stopped, came in, and looked al
the documents.
"'Of course they re wrong said he; the
Gaze ought TO stop.
81 II bet ten dollars it don't, though,
se!d tne Court, producing an X. The csse
went on.
".
~ had csss OF another kind, said still
another attorney. When case was cslled
in a certain Justices office, the whole
thing was so transparent that l got up ard
Raid
81 move 10 dismiss.
"'Oh, go on With the cass, said bis hon
or, in tone Of deep disgust.
IL move to dismiss, ssid !, Somewhat
nonplusstd.
~ tell you wha! it il, said the Court
banging down a book, I'm not going &c
have any tpchnicaliIifs here; this case
has got 10 be heard straight"
ut was 20 beard, but won after all. "
~.
Il laugh every time | think ola case
Bill Phillips and Bill Miller had once"
said another Of the group. These two
worthless were sitting in Phillips Office ons
hot Monday afternoon, With JEFF Davis
and two or threa c5nstablea, when Miller
said:
BY George, this is awful, Phillips; CAM
we get some money!
Lets zee, unused Phillips, wasn't there
q slight Of hand show over at the Academy
last week, Bill2 That was against the law
wasn't it. Grabbing; blank warranty J.f
hold up your right hand. Here, constable,
catch that meGmsr:st
The Snowman was on the Andes, goin q
down the river, bat he was brought back
and both Justices &c, on bis case, fined
him, charged up two sets OF costs and fv.
dollars for q stenographsr, who, If re
member rightly was Ei Dunawsy. 1t cost
the fellow about forty dollars. Dunawsy
wouldn't take bis share of the plunder, sno
the two Justices blew it 10 at Gus Rolls. "
~.
There's another good story about Phil.
ips, said the first speaker. II remember
one occasion when be was hearing Gaze.
and counsel for the prisoner vas gooo
des lgiven to fling objections. The Courr
stood il for while, and when the attorr ey
had tor the tenth time broke in with 4 OBJ.
jecr, Philips looked at him O momen
and then said You object, do you; we'll
| it won't do you any good Here, Consts
ole, (banging sbut his law books end ris
ing from bis chair take the whole batch
to jail for FIVE days They went. too"
-
Did you ever hear how George B. Cald
we'll was disbarred by JusticeT was ssk.
ed BY meu Ger Of the group. No one
bad heard the story, and the speaker con.
riOued; IL was when Squire Forbes va,
dispensing justice on the South Side, some
years ago. George Vss Offending q mar
and hs aas tina Squire had o good
deal ofuouble Finally George threw down
his papers and started for the door, saying
he couldn't get q fair trial, sad would
leave. Some one s!o1ped him at the door
aud told hi. be had better 90 back and
!ooh after bis client, as he might lose the
case. After some hesitation be concluded
that would be the better course, and turn
ing back, saId;-
Well, | guess will go on
mo, sirl no, cir 700 won't do any.
thing OF the kiGd, said the Court. You
cannot practice in this Court, you ere dis
barred. This case is continued - 10
Georges client-get another lawyer, sirr
George protested. bat IL was no use
The case was Adjourned, and when |,
came on again The CoaIt appointed another
lawyer, who, If remember rightly, Won
the cause. often woBder if Cald we'll r..