Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1886-09-24
Hreyities.

The woman who has q handsome bonnet
ALWAYS carries her parasoi high In the air
Philadelphia Herald
The fat woman at q dime museum may not
be "all wool" but she is generally "a yard wide
or more."-Norristown Herald.
"Are cigars offensive to you, madam he
asked. Them ~ive-cent kind is she replied,
with her nose in the air.-New York Sun.
The melancholy days have come,
Which make young men look blue;
Saloons display the double sign,
Ice cream and oysters, too.
Boston Courier.
The latest gem in the line of c~oroaer'S jury
verIicts cones from Dakota, where q jury
found that she came to her death from a
feloniouS desire to reach a happy hereafter"
Alta California.
Clergyman (overtaking young couple OF his
congregation on their way to church,
Won and your friend get in and drive with me
10 church, Miss Blanchel Miss Blanche i'm
nocentlY-Oh, no, 1 thank you; we only go
for the walk.-Life.
Laura" said Mrs. Parvenu, on the hotel
piazza. To her daughter-"Laura, so and ask
the leader Of them OrchestraS TO play that
SYMPATHY from MeddlejOhn' over again. It's
such an awful f~avorite of mine and your
fathers, toor'-BoSton Traveller.
II eastern journalism wants to keep pace
with the enterprise Of the young and vigorous
west. it must dish up its news in this shape:
aRey. William WacES, the evangelist, went
gpnninc for sinners at Hayfield and baSged
500 converts in four weekS-"-Norrlstown
Herald.
Fog has said the meaneSt thing any man
ever was capable Of saying. When MIS- r
loft him alone in tho house the other evening
She remarked: You won't be lonely, dearr
\ he replied; Il shant miss you at all.
The rarrot, YOU know, is here. =
Transcript
Aman from Detroit silent sat on third base
Singing Cage, Chicago, Chicago.
In vain ala no wipe the hot tearfrom his face,
Sjn-ing Cage, Chicago, Chicago.
ia IL weakness Of pitching or mufling, l cried,
o a big lot Of base hits all on the wrong side'
lie sang very family and slowly he died: q.
Chicago, Chicago, Chicago. Lille.
canine with a tin can attached to his tail
nv a stout cord passed hurriedly down street.
Is tbatdog madP inquired an anxious pedes-
trian well" responded another, Il caught
q climpSe of his countenance as he passed by,
and he didn't look the first bit pleased
Rttsburg Dispatch.
You will always notice that when there IS
nothing about the garden to cut the grass
with but a common breAk-back sickle the
wife always does the work; but when there IS
a new patent lawn mower around, the man
Of the house is always very willing TO acceps
the responSibility.-The Judge.
The following notice is posted on a fence In
Morris county, Texas: ~n any mans or
woman's cows or oxen gifts in these here oats
his or her tail viii be cut of, as the case may
he am a Christian mai and pay my taxes,
lint d-n a man who lets his critters loose,
saw New York Tribune.
The rude brakeman again is TINS the
r;gbt trainF a lady asked of a brakeman the
other day. SWhere are you going, ma'amF
renlied the brakeman. ~None OF your ouSl-
ness sir. retorted the lady. Il shall report
Won 10 the mperintendent for impudence"
And she actually did-New York Tribune.
1t is strange how a circus will upset atown;
Thirty or forty years ago, people were heard
70 remark, on coming out Of acircus: wen,
when you catch me going to a place Ike THIS
again you'll know it" Every year since the
started on thu road that same