Thomas County cat., 1886-08-19
FASHIONS FREAKS.


A Calm View Of the Exaggerstioas Creesej
by Old Dame Fashion.
Dame fashion is funny old girl.
She is so changcable in her notions
and SO freaky. that it is positively
laughable. She generally commences
upon the New York lassies first. and
gradually crceps westward. till she has
succeeded in introducing her latest
freak in every large town, and then she
dies back to New York again, with
some new agony. only to bring it west
after it is thoroughly introduced there.
and SO it goes. month after month and
year after year.
She works upon the laddies in the
same way, changing the cut of their
clothes and the style of their hats, and,
in fact, she rules everybody and every
thing with an iron hand. A few years
ago it was the fashion for men to wear
gcry Hat derbies; SO flat did they get as
the agony increased, that no matter
how large and well developed was a
mans dome of thought. he positively
creature, imagined that he looked
pretty and felt perfectly satisfied. 1t
was then that the old dame sat back in
her chair and shook her fat sides with
laughter: it was then that she nodded
her head in knowing way and said to
herself: '.Ah. am indeed powerful.
When can cause Intelligent men to
dress up like clowns, with pancake
shaped hats, tight pants and pointed
shoes two sizes too small for them. l
am indeed powerful" When she had
her fill of enjoyment at the expense of
a crazy public, she once more began to
feel restless, and in short time again
changed the fashions.
Sometimes man will stumble on to
photograph or tin-type taken ut that
time. and he invariably makes the re-
mark: "Well, wonder if l was ever
such a blamed fool rs to wear such a
looking hat" As time went on the old
girl took it into her head to have some
sport with the ladies, and 50 in an evil
moment she sprung the pug-dog mania
upon them. All, what rage it has
had! Thousands of great, big. elegant
dollars have been expended for those
miserable little no account dogs, while
fine. intelligent hunting dogs have
been totally ignored. Women. with
every appearance of refinement and
culture. after catching this craze, will
take nasty little pug-dOg up in her
arms, and lalligag over it, kiss its dirty
black nose and call it her own little
darling, while probably her own little
baby is lying neglected and alone in
another apartment. Such acts are
enough to turn the stomachs of gentle
people. How the girls did turn out on
Fifth avenue. in New York City, with
their pug g-dogs blankcted, and attached
to dainty little silken strings! But the
end is soon to come. Old dame FASH
ion has probably got something new
and st,rtling in view, and SO she is
going to carry the pug-dog craze
to its very extreme and then
let it sink, as did the flat derbies. for
ever in oblivion. The new fad is to
allow the animal to range about at
will, without being led by a string. and
when the brainless apology for dog
attempts to follow off street-car or
news-boy, the girl throws back her
shoulders, sticks her gum up in the
roof of her mouth. Fuckers up her lips |
till they resemble little rosebud, and
emits whistle which attracts the pups |
attention and he comes back. The
way-up girls are bound to make a sue
cess of this latest fad if possible, and
many of them are paying news-bOys
fifty cents and dollar an hour to teach
them to whistle with their fingers. A
few OF them have succeeded i'm master
ing the art, and when their dogs
wander off in company with common
plebcian dogs, or run across the street
to shake hands with an old acquaint-
ance. the girls unfurl their mouths.
stick their four largest fingers in and
emit whistle so loud and shrill that
for moment it completely takes the
curl out of the poor dogs tail and
makes him dizzy. 1t is to be hoped
that this latest freak will satisfy the old
girl, and that the next craze to be in
troduced will have tendency to show
how much brain the modern female
possesses instead of going to the other
extreme. and showing how little she
has.-Peck's Sur.