Great Falls tribune. [volume] (Great Falls, Mont.) 1885-1890, 1886-01-02
THE PROFESSORS EXPERIENCE

THE PROFESSORS EXPERIENCE.
WRITTEN FOR THE TRIBUNE.
Have any Of my readers ever met
Professor Matchstick astr1de his cay
use jogging along some lonely road?
Professor is quite a scientist, but he
is no horseman.
Once upon a time, as the fables say,
I was stopping in a small village near
here, when it was my fortune to see
the object of this writing come ca
reering down the only street in the
place. His horse had evidently been
scared, and I think the Professor was
scared too. Clackity, clackity, click;
clickity clackity, clickity, clack 50
went the horse. Ineyer saw Profess
or's horse yet but what one shoe was
loose. Bumpity, bumpity, bumpe,
bump went the rider, His long, lean
body bobbing up and down in the
saddle in an interesting manner.
That is, it vas quite interesting to
him. Even his voice was in strong
sympathy with the proceedings.
Whoa. Wo! o-o-o-oh, Ho. o-o-Wo!
Stop! S~to-o-o-op. Just as the last
syllable escaped, the horse being
opposite Van Dusenberry's store
stumbled, and fell, thereby precipi-
tating the unlucky rider with excep-
tional violence into the street. For a
moment he laid like a log, stunned
by the fall. Immediately a crowd
collected with loud ordinations Of
pity and surprise, but not a soul
offered a helping hand. Presently
the unfortunate victim Of the accident
came to his senses and sat up, His
hat was crushed down over his eyes
and his eyeglasses were twisted and
broken beyond recognition. Slowly
the Professor felt Of each limb. Hav-
ing satisfied himself that no bones
were broken he carefully arose to his
feet. Then the tongues began to
wag.
"Vell, Ply shimminy Provessor!
You will want IN new hadt. I haf
some vine prand new silk und peayer
hadts shust arrifed. You can hat
your choice for IN tollar und IN
haluf. IND Provessor you want
some new bants. Mine bants are der
genervine all WOOL ardicle. I viii Civ
dem bants to you for tree tollars und
SIX bidts; but, for der love Of Moses
don't dell dot paid headed Jew down
der streed." SO said Mr.. Levi.
professor, you must have some
German cologne for your bruises. I
keep a vine line Of re article manu-
featured in Paris And that was
the consolation of Monsieur BoiIeau
the Druggist.
Meanwhile thepoor Professor cover
cd with mud, and looking the very
picture of comic ~helplessness, was
doing his best to punch his battered
stove-pipe into something like It's
original shape. Suddenly an I'M
pleasant thought arose; for, a deep
shadow crept over his face. He NUT
tered some unintelligible words to
himself, at the same time feeling in
this pocket and in that until, with a
groan Of dismay be looked up, and
addressed the company after this
manner. 20! friends and fellow
citizens Of this Great and Glorious
Republic, a-hem, while travelling
along the Barnham road upon my
faithful charger, with my thoughts
afar off in the inner world OF con
~ciousness, dwelling upon the abstruse
problem of the forms of the primeyal
beings belonging to the genus Homo;
and, just as | was passing the wide
domains Of Squire Grabtree, which
are luxurient with majestic avenues
OF stately oak and beech trees, and
where delicate and beautiful flowers
are in %profusion; | was startled from
my abstraction by the appearance Of
a huge monster in the form of an