Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-07-22
A JUDGE PUZZLED.
Unable to Understad the Teehnicalities of
Base Ball as Expounded by an Empire"
Cincinnati Times-Star.

Unable to Understad the Teehnicalities of
Base Ball as Expounded by an Empire"
| Cincinnati Times-Star.
II want the law agin the mayer there,
| Judge, zee honor" vociferated a big red
| haired Irishman named William Taylor
as he pointed out colored man on the
| colored bench. The latter had on red
tie and check jumper, and wore bad
look in his eye.
| "Doan monkey wild dat air man. He
done fooled wild me yistirday till my pa
thence done nigh run OUT" was the reply
of the accused, as he stepped up to the
| bar.
"Duz he call smashin' man wild base
| ball losin' hes patience?" asked the Irish
man.
'sWhat business has 20 got interferin'
wild game of base ball?" demanded the
prisoner.
"That mon was not out at second base,
an yez had no right to say sop
ode baseman done touch him afore he
got dar!"
| ENever touched him!"
eyes, sah!'
"Here, what's this all about?" asked the
court, who had been scratching his head
with vain hope of seeing into the trou-
| BILE.
Plaintiff and defendant in chorus:
ga lot of nagers wor playin ball down
| on"
| Ode Invincibles and de Anchors of
| Hope wah playin' a match" c
Zone at time!" loudly remarked the
court.
"Nagers were playin'-"
| "Cullud gemmen was play1n'--
The colored man talked the lOudest, and
| finally won and went ahead:
"De Invincibles and Anchors of Hope
were playin' fo' a possum suppah, an [
wuz de empire"
''The what?" asked the court.
"De empire, de man what decides de
pints in de game. De Invincibles WIZ
doin' some tall sluggin', and de Anchors
war dom likewise. Dis var Irisher he
done sit round on barrel. and mex re-
marks bout my decisyuns. Wen, Lias
Jones he done hit fly it Link Jefferson's
hams de Irisher he done said he war not
out kase he had made his fust base afore
de fly was ketch. Dat wasn't right, was
| it, jedge?"
"'Better consult an encyclopedia; I don't
| know"
''Now, you knows dat fly is allus out,
no matter whar it wuz ketched?"
''What fly"
''FIy ball in de air"
''Then it isn't fly you mean; it is a
ball"
eyes, sahr'
'Then say SOL"
''It wor no more out than" remark
ed Taylor.
''What was not out?" again inquired the
court.
''The battah!''
''You mean the ball?" interrupted the
judge.
''No, the playah was out" Clipped in
the colored man.
The court looked dazedly around and
said:
''NOw, here I have been told that the
fly was out; that it was not out. Then I
was told that the ball was the thing that
was out. This was denied, and it was
stated that it was the player that was
| out"
''The player was not out, SIR" said Tay-
lor with a determined air.
''There!" the court answered, despair
ingly.
"Den, when Nose johnson run down to
second, de catcher threw him out at sec
ond!'
E'Ah, ha! An assault and battery" re-
marked the court, as he frightened up.
''Where is that catcher? Bring him out.
Was Mr.. Johnson thrown far?"
mo, sah," you see de catcher he threw
de ball at"
''Then nobody threw Johnson out?" the
court asked.
''Yas, sab, Johnson was thrown out at
second basel"
''Who threw him Out?"
''De catcher"
''But he threw the ball out? ?" insisted the
court
''No, sab, it was Nose Johnson!"
He was not; the ball never touched
himn'
The court closed the docket with a bang
and jerked his glasses off his nose.
'Look here! What do you mean? I
don't propose to be trifed with! Both of
you get out of here!,
'EBut he done hit me wild a bat!'' plain
lively said the coon.
"Do you play base ball?" demanded the
court.
Il am de boss colored empire in De-
troit."
''Then I'm sorry this man did't kill you.
You get back to Detroit and never come
within ten miles of the city limits. Mr..
TaylOr!'
'Yis, sor."
"You escaped lightly. This colored
umpire ought to have carved you. Here
after, Mr.. Clerk, don't allow any man
who plays base ball to get any warrant
here"
Last year 279, 900 stamped envelopes
were sold by the government. They were
worth S5,773,OOO. Envelopes, which in
1859 cost $3.50 per 1000, can new be sold
for $50 per 1000, and the extra letter
size that then cost S. are now sold for
$40. The proposals for bids for the
next four years will include two sizes call
ed baronial, about 3 by 4 inches, for the
benefit of ladies who like to use fancy
note paper.