The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1886-11-09
Government Seeds.

Last spring l thought 1 had struck
something rich-or rather that some
thing rich had struck me. The Ag-
ricultural Department at Washing
ton sent me little package of gar
den seeds, etc, and requested me to
farm little for recreation.
The package contained pint of
beans-called 'the Senate few
Congress potatoes" and pint of
corn, which bore the Latin cogno-
men "vox populi." Never having
farmed any in Latin, l looked in the
dictionary and reduced that name
to plain English so that the corn
could understand me and- could
understand the nature of the corn.
l discovered that ''vox populi"
meant "the voice of the people;;" but
when Melinda (she's my wife) ask
ed for the definition | was thinking
about the voice of the people hav-
ing such mighty poor show in the
affairs Of this government. and j
told her it meant '.the voice of a
stray tom cat in the gloaming," or
words to that effect in a political
sense.
wrote a letter of thanks to the
Agricultural Department, and limited
that there ought to be small ap-
preparation go with the seeds as a
guarantee of good faith and to Sc
cure the tender care which garden
seeds stand so much in need. / re-
marked that the beans might be
lofty in their aspiration and would
require poles, the Congress potatoes
might not adjourn in time to escape
the early frosts and would need
cover, and the soil of Pennsylvania
might not acknowledge the corn,
and would need q compost to boost
it along.
To show them that my request
was not without a precedent, quo
ted few instances where the gov
ernment had presented railroads to
capitalists, and had thrown in land
enough fer cow pasture and a new
county seat.
The answer came back short and
crisp and very decidedly pointed
You must lie crazy!'
Melinda thought / could very
easily secure the appropriation, if it
only required little bit of ciazi-
ness, as she was ready at any time
to make affidavit that / was crazy
as a loon, but / told her that was
asking too much. am willing to
sigh for my country's good, and cry
for it, and live to a ripe old age and
die for it, but I'm not going 10 play
the crazy dodge for its glory and
honor. l thought that the Aglicul-
tural Department was asking too
much, or else they had revised the
order of things. l had always la
bored under the impression that the
thing was altogether vice versa, and
the government was the crazy party
when the appropriations were made.
Then | took off my coat and hat
and under clothes and settled down
to farming. | caught cold to
cheer me up and keep my mind from
running into politics, and began to
turn over the itch soil with bor-
rowed spade until | had rooted up
enough ground to plant the "Con-
gress potatoes
planted them with the eyes turn
ed upward, Judging from their name
that they should be placed in the
same position as our small potatoes
in Congress, when big steal is vo.
ted on. Then / spaded up some
more ground and planted that Latin
corn in a translated manner, and
dropped the beans in with the corn.
"The voice of the people" came
to the surface in a few days, and
looked over towards the potato patch,
and when it failed to see any signs
of the rising congress it changed its
color from a pale yellow to q lively
green, and grew up among the cut
worms and other political grubs, and
gave promise,of fair crop.
| l went out every day and smiled
over the patch, and smashed q few
cut-worms between my thumb and
forefinger. and dreamed of an early
green corn dance.
| One night the beans came up, and
several cut-worms came up with
each bean. l supposed the cut
worm seed had been left on the
ground from the last years crop
! The cut-worms were too thick fol
the beans and corn, and l began to
weed out the worms. The worms
felt little crowded themselves, and
began to weed out the corn and
beans. We ran the work night and
day. / went on at 6 a. m., and quit
al. 6 p. m, and the worms worked
on the night tour, and slept through
the day. | was working fer the
glory and honor of my country, and
the worms were in the vegetable bu-
siness, because they hadn't learned
any other trade.
One night the lneoly cow broke
into The garden and cleaned the
patch. She gobbled up the voice
of the people and ate the Senate
for desert. / wanted to kill the cow
hut Melinda wouldn't let me.
After my corn and beans had
come to a premature end, l turned
my attention to the potato patch
so did the cut-worms. We were
sadly disappointed. They hadn't
come up. Like their namesakes
they had failed to come to the res
cue of their country. Melinda said
/ had thrown too much dirt in theil
eyes, but / still believe the name
killed them. Congress" was fail
ure. My whole springs labor had
made only one feed for the cow
Ny mind was troubled. Melinda
noticed this and sent in her affida-
Wit that / had complied with the
rules of the government and gone
crazy, but up to this date no appro-
priation has been sent. l still think