Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-02-13
THE ITALIAN BUSINESS.
From the Topeka Journal

UllZLolu6 h0NS
the Neapolitans' bears Kansas ont in
her claims I'd the only oriental Italian
climate on the western continent. Inc
Newton Republican has The following
pleasant story, which we print for oul
home readers, but intend to suppress IN
all the papers going to eastern sub
scribers. And, by the way, the New
Yorker belongs to Kansas. We cannot
afford to letshim go back to his native.
state. He Is acclimated. Treat him
well, Newton people. Get some Kan.
sas real estate in his names and ~''freeze"
to him: =
A stranger from the east waded
through a two-foot snow drift yester-
day afternoon. Pausing and looking at
the CONCEALED vapor somewhat doubt
fully he asked of a citizen:
sIs this sunny Kansas p"
On being; assured that the state laid
claim to that euphonious a%ppellation,
the stranger continued =
"WelI, row that, I'm in Kansas l
must do az Kansans do, l suppose. I've
been talkilg Kansas for years and
longing to Dime out. When l LETT home
in northernsNew York four days ago l
told the folks that I was going to the
land of sunshine-the Italy of Ameri-
ca. I guess I'll drop q line back to-
morrow saying that the grass is four
inches high, and that a man plowed
Christmas day in his bare feet. No
need to allude to the present cold
weather"
The citizens chuckled.approvlnglya and
congratulated the new conner on the
readiness with which he was ''catch-
ing on" to the customs of the country.
The following from the Winfield
Courier also goes in our home edition
only. If it should, by mistake, CREEP
into any paper going east it is under
stood to have been compiled by the
man who furnishes afAdavits Of the
circulation of OF our rival news
papers, and is not to be credited.
Last evening an individual strolled
into the Courier sanctum and asked if
the 'boss'sof this light of civilization
was in. He seemed to be q man of sor-
row-some great grief seemed to have
monkeyed with his frame. His ears
were swelled until they hung on the
sides of his head like boxing gloves,
and his nose stood ont like a red switch
light at Q railroad junction. One foot
wal wrapped in a piece of bed quilt
and . No. IS overshoe, but he silently
searched in his vest pocket and made
no reply. AT last he drew out q piece
of paper which he handed to the scribe
with the remark:
care you the individual who penned
this article?"
The scribe gazed upon the article and
read as follows:
"The Italy of America-Ye people
of the frozen north, why will you con-
tinue to SILVER in the boresl blasts of a
country where the icy chains of winter
letter the steps Of spring, and where
the cold winds of autumn drive out the
timid summer ere she has gathered
the harvest home? Come to Kansas,
the Italy Of America, whose skies are
as calm as, the painters canvas, and
where hoary winter has yielded per-
manent possession to laughing spring.
Where spring and autumn both give
place to sunny haired summer, who
fills from her horn of plenty the bins
of yellow grain. Where the zephyrs
blow soft from a southern cline and
where the music OF birds mlngles with
the murmur of the clear running
stream"
"Yes, we did pen that production
way back in the last of October, we
hesitatingly remarked. "Would you
like to subscribe for our great daily Or
weeklyr' With a look of whitening
reproach and sorrow he CALCULATED:
"Yo6 see in me the wreck of my
former self, the busted remnant of
once noble man,, l am the victim of
misplaced confidence. For eight
days my only ambition has been to live
to confront you with the great ruin you
have wrought and remark to your face
that you are a dod gasted liar. l read
that piece in the Courier among the
mountains of Pennsylvania November
l, when it was cold enough to freeze
a mans recollection. A friend of mine
out here sent me your measly sheet
with that item marked. l read
your article and said: THAT'S the
sort of a country for me, and pulled
my freight westward. l thought a tent
and q linen duster would be good
enough for this country. Look at me
now. You see what your dod gasted
gentle zephyr did for those ears, do
you? That nose looks like a soft Italian
sky, don't it? That foot, with toes
frozen of, looks as If winter had sold
out to spring and moved out OF the
country. Oh, yesi I think one of you
Kansas editors would have the gall to
brace your feet against the north pole
and lie about the beautiful tropical
climate"
He ceased and throwing another
whitening glance athwart the bridge of
his aurora bOrealis cOlored nostril at
the scribe, limped out. But the man
of news needed him not-grabbed his
taber and waded in Oh an item show
ing by .undoubted evidence that the
sand plum of Kansas grows larger than
the muskmelon of the east, and is
sweeter to the taste than the nectar of
the gods.