Smyrna times., 1886-05-19
Bill and the Widow.

Bill and the Widow.
"Wife," said Ed. Wilbur, one morn
ing, as he sat stirring his coffee with
one hand, holding piece of plum-cake
with the other, and looking across the
table into the bright eyes of his neat
little wife, " wouldn't it be a good Joke
to get bachelor Bill Smiley to take
Widow Wade to the show next week?"
"YOu can't do it, Ed he won't ask
her; he's so awful shy. Why, he came
by here the other morning when l WAS
hanging out some clothes, and looked
over the fence and spoke, but when 1
shook out nightgOwn he blushed like
a girl, and went away"
" think / can manage it," said Ed :;
" but I'll have to lie just a little. But
then it wouldn't be much harm under
the circumstances, for know she likes
him, and he don't dislike her but, as
you say, he's so shy. I'll just go over
to his place to borrow some bags of
him, and ifI don't bag him before
come back, don't kiss me for a week,
Nellie"
So saying, Ed started, and while he
is crossing the field we will take a
glance at Bill Smiley. He was rather
a gOOd-lOOking fellow, though his hair
and Whiskers showed some gray. He
wore a set of artificial teeth. Every
one said he was a good soul, and so he
was. He had as good hundred-acre
farm as any in Norwich, with a new
house and everything comfortable, and
if he wanted a wife, many a girl would
jumped at the chance. But Bill was
so bashful-always was-and when
Susan BerrybOttle, whom he was so
sweet on, though he never said boo "
to her, got married to old Wade, he
Just drew in his head like 0 mud-turtle
into its shell, and there was no getting
him out again; though it had been no
ticed that since Susan had become a
widow he had paid more attention to
his clothes, and been very regular in
attendance at the church the fair
widow attended.
But here comes Ed Wilbur.
GOOD morning, Mr.. Smiley"
Good morning, Mr.. Wilbur; what's
the news up your way?'
"Oh, nothiug particular, that |
know Of" said Ed, ''only the show
that everyone is talking about and his
girl is going to. | was over to old
Sackrider's last night, and l saw his
son Gus had got Il new buggy, and he
was scrubbing up his horses, and he's
got that White-iaced colt of his as slick
as a seal. 1 understand he thinks OF
taking theWidow Wade to the show.
He's been hanging round there Il good
deal of late, but I'd just like to cut him
out, l would. Susan is nice little
woman and deserves a better man
than that young pup Of fellow,
though ] would not blame her much
either if she takes him, for she must be
dreadful lonesome; and then she has
to let her farm out on shares, and it
isn't half worked, and no one else
seems to have the spunk to speak NJ
to her. BY iingO! if / were q single
man I'd show a trick or two.'
so saying, Ed borrowed some bags
and started around the corner Of the
barn, where he had left Bill sweeping,
and put his ear to n knOt-hole and lis
tened, knowing that the bachelor had
a habit of talking to himself when any
thing worried him.
Confound that young Sackrider,' -
said Bill "what business has he there
I'd like to know? Got new buggy
has he? Well, so have l, and a new
harness, too and his horse can't get in
sight of mine. 1 declare, I've half a
mind tO-yes, I'll go this very night
and ask her to go to the show with me-
I'll show Ed Wilbur that l amt the
calf as he thinks am, if did let old
Wade get the start of me in the first
place."
Ed could scarcely help laughing out
right, but he hastily hitched the bags on
his shoulder, and with a chuckle at his
success, started home to tell the news
to Nellie; and about five o'clock that
evening they saw Bill 90 by with his
horse and buggy on his way to the
widows. He logged along quietly,
thinking of the old singing days
and what a pretty girl Susan was then,
and wondering inwardly if he would
have more courage now to talk to her
until a distance of about a mile of her
house, he came to a bridge-oVer .
creek-and it SO happened that just as
he reached the middle of the bridge he
gave tremendous sneeZe, and blew
his teeth out of his mouth, clear over
the dashboard, and striking on the
planks, they rolled over the side of the
bridge and dropped into four feet o
water.
Words cannot do justice to poor Bill
| or paint the expression Of his face as
he sat there, completely dumbfoundeC
at this startling piece of ill-luck. AT
ter a while he stepped out of his buggy
and, getting down on his hands and
| knees, looked into the water. Yes
there they were, at the bottom, with &
crowd of little fishes rubbing theii
/ noses against them, and Bill wished tC
! goodness that his nose was as close fol
one second. His beautiful teeth that
| had cost him so much, and the SHOW
coming on and not time to get another
set--and the widow and young Sack
rider!
Well, he must try and get them
| sOmehOw-and no time to lose, fol
someone might come along and ask
him what he was fOoling around there
for He had no notion of spelling his
good clothes by wading in with then
on, and beside, if he did that he could
not 90 to the widows that night; so ht
took look up and down the road t
see that no one was in sight, and theI
quickly undressed himself, laying his
raiment in the buggy to keep it clean
Then he ran around to the bank an(
waded into almost icy-cOld water, bu
his teeth did not chatter in his head
he only wished they could.
Quietly he waded along so as not t
stir up the mud, and when he got to
the right spot he dropped under the
water, and came up with his teeth in
hand and replaced them in his mouth
But hark what noise is that?
wagon and little dog barking with al
his might, and his horse is starting.
Whoa whoa Stop, you brute
you stopw yelled Bill.
Stop he would not, however, bu
went off at spanking pace, with tn