The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-03-11

THOSE wb1 never drink water nfe
nov called tuGyumps. - aUe,5sk.
You always feel surprised when you
see shooting star, do you not? That
is because you aid hot know the sky
was loaded.-PitkTJssrgh Chronicle
Telegraph:
IT was lately discovered that Ia Nevada
lady had four largo snakes in her st0m-
ach. Nevada should be showed along
toward Kentucky. The whisky y bet
ter there.-St. Paul Herald.
SPooDLE was saying that when he
was abroad he was presented at court.
"The deuce you wereT exclaimed
Fogg. @How did it happen? How
mucn did they fine you ?"--BostOn
Transcript.
THAT every good Christian must
sleep in his armor is proverb - old
as true goodness, but the man who
goes to bed with his boots on m .
strange hotel becomes at once an OBJ
ject of grave suspicion. Chicago
Ledger.
LITTLE JoHNNIE's mother told him
one day when he was killing flies that
he must not do it, as they were Gods
children. Some time afterward the boy
saw lot of flies in an old molasses
barrel struggling for their lives. look
there, mamma" he cried, II think il
God cared anything for His children He
would come along and turn that barrel
over. "-Merchant Traveller.
PLAIN ENOUGH.
Oxa, r,fv,o inf Ia ont nj
pretty clerk in Mannings dept.
Took up her pen and struck pal,
Then took a train and 8 rack for Cal
Why did she turn from WASH, d. C.2
The answer Is below "a. W:
Her lieut. had gone to join his co.,
And she went on TO do do, do.
Chicago Nelss.
A LADY who received through the
postofice few days ago postal card
containing 1.030 words written by a.
gentleman. replied on q card contain
ing 1,O4O. That should teach him
lesson, and 90 far toward making such
foolishness unpopular with the male
sex. A man might as we'll attempt to
get the last word as the most words
with. a. woman.--NOyvistOtUn Herald.
THE MAJORS STORY.
"waal yes," said the Major, unfolding his knife,
And shaving a slice from his chair.
The longest. reckon, round hyar.
aNIy gran father lived,to a mighty old age
He diediat two hundred AMI four
But the Major stopped short in his yarn at this
stage,
For the Judge entered in at the door.
-Now, Major" the Judge very gravely remarked,
Il knew yourold gra ldt.ther we'll
He just eighty-three when his spirit en-
barked'
For that bourne where the good spirits dwell
For Il moment the Major had nothing 10 say
But finally rose to his fset
HE died at two hundred and four Broadway
Then the Judge mossyed up and stood treat
Chicago Nesos.
COUNTRY MERCHANT Ito Chicago
drummer)-"A st. Lovis firm offers
me eighteen months time" Chicago
Drummer-"Only eighteen months?
They're trying to'swindle YOU" Mer-
chant-"What time can your house
give?" Chicago Drummer="Four years
are our usual TERMS. but I'll tell you
what I'll do. You. give me an order,
and if the account is not paid in thirty
days I'll take 10 per cent. OF; If not
paid in sixty days, 20 per cent. off; and.
if not paid in ninety days, 80 per cent.
off," Merchant-"And if mot paid in
four months?" Chicago Drummer
"Then I'll wipe the account off the
books altogether and send you framed
photograph of our monster establish
ment. No st. Louis firm can do BUSH
ness in this territory while the repre-
sentative of Alexander Rockbottom &
Co. is abroad. "-Neao York Sun.