The Irish standard., 1886-09-25
I ISL STANDARD" BREVITIES.
Letter Of intreduction-':I. ;

A difficult Submission.
The original land league-Three
miles.
The original boy cot-Cain's little
crib.
The tongue that never talks scandal
The tongue to a shoe.
4 crank-An individual that you cam
turn over TO your view of the case.
When is an orange not an orange?-
Why, when it's little tart, to be sure
Tommy asked his mother if the schoo
teachers ferrule Was a piece Of the board
of education.
Whenever New Englander gets dys.
pepsia, he knows that his stomach is III
apple pie order.
When is fawning s'toady'' like Gin
ders?-When he falls in the dust before
the great (grate.)
Why is q man who keeps his eyes shut
like an Aliterate eschoolu1aster?-Beca
he keeps his pupils in darkness.
Preachers are allowed to play croquet
and ride bicycles because such perform
ances IRE not considered an amusement.
An eastern paper speaks of insanity
having struck it's town. In the next
column it boasts OF seventeen new sub
scribers.s
It is said that q 't1mule cannot bray if
2 brick be tied To his tail" Yes, but
what becomes OF She man who engineers
the brick?
Mamma; Ibid you catch anything this
morning, Sarah?" Sarah who had been
fishing With Mr.. Jim Long: "Only Jim,
mamma.
ssYeg,'' observed Mrs. Crap. 'twe
kinder got tired Of gas and now we're
going to have the house lit with c'ande-
stino electric hghts.'
A bank cashiers may get himself in-
golyed, but he generally comes out all
xghts in the long run--that is, provided
the long run is to Canada.
Little girl Mamma, why doesn't the
nea run over if all The water flows into
5t?'' 'sNonsense: child, Don't you
know it's full OF sponges.
''rli make you dance!' said an irate
mother, pursuing her erring son, slip
1er in hand. fsThen,7 remarked the
juvenile. sfwe shall have bawl.''
City belle {pointed to wild plant by
the wayside)-"What's that?' Country
cousin--s' that's nailkweed.'' 80, yes,
what you feed the cows on, suppose"
He was broken down gambler
turned waiter, and when customer
said: ga small steak, please he re-
,,lied absentmindedly: con the black or
on the red?''
All editor vino had reached the adj
ranced age OF 90 attributes his 1org life
and excellent healti, to the fact that he
never expected to please everybody and
never tried to do so.
First legislator: IT don't believe you
have opened your mouth this session.
Second legislator: 80, yes I have. I've
ynwned every time you made speech
on the tariff question"
A. notice of recent steamboat explos-
ion in q western paper ends as follows:
s,The captain swan ashore. So did the
c}aambermaid. She was insured for
SIS. 900 and loaded with iron.
Que Of our country papers compli-
ments Georgia Methodist divine Oh the
ground that s'he always commands &
patient hearing Is.it really SO bad as
that? Is il All exercise Of patience to
hear him?
At the seaside-*Have you bathed yet
this sunmer?' eyes, I've bathed sew
eral times out to Coney Island" How
did you find the water?' Find the
water? Why, you can't nias it, It's all
around the sland.'
Things one would rather have left nn-
said--Caller: "Only fancy, Mrs. Dowd
erly, + was very nearly calling on your
neighbor, Lady Masham, whose day at
home it is too, when J. su ddenlv remenl-
bered / wasn't dressed for paying
calls
A summer boarder met an old farmer
a hundred miles from Boston, who was
eagerly inquiring for news. elias
Boston changed much lately?" he asked.
"When were you there?'' The old
farmers contemplated moment and re-
piled: II guess l was in Boston i'll
1902