davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1886-06-27
MR. WALF0RD SNOOKS At THE TELEPHONE

From Punch.
SCIENTIFIC Hall OF the senior ParthenOn Club.
Enter Mr.. Waford Snooks, Lurrledly.
Mr. Walfori sDooks ITO Hall Porterl-Any lettersi
Hall Porter (after lelsurely looking through papers
taken from "a pigeon-hole)-No. sir.
Mr.. WaIford SnO0ks I'm dismay)-Not q letter nor q
telegram
Hall Porter again searching packc-No, SIR no let
ter and telegram.
Mr.. Walford SHOCKS (emphatically) mo! sud
deny.) Are on the tcio phone
Hall Portcr-ies. sir; only IL isn't used very often.
There's tho book OF numbers and you Ia there Tile
points to . semi.glazed cupboard
Mr., Walf0rd snooks tafter hurredy consulting st)-
All here Two million seven hundred and four
(kngs excitedy by touching the KNOB. then shouts
through the receiverl Arc you there
Indstinct Female Voice tarter long pause)-Dd you
rngi
Mr. waford Shocks dudignantly)-Dd rngi Why.
have bcensuddenIy finding he Is no longer heard. he
holds receiver TO his earl by Jove, she has cut me OF
Violently rings again.
Indistinot Female Voice latter q longer pause Did
you ringi
NJ. Waford snooks wary OF losing another chancc)-
Two million seven hundred and four!
Indistinct Female Soice-Two million seventy four
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1886-06-27
MARRIAGE DE CONVENANCE-AFTERw

The spacious 10 IN seems bare
And drear beyond compare,
man with sparse gray nalr
Sits grim and lonely.
Brooilng OH sin and shame,
HE smirched and ruined name
Which was the most TO blamet
He or she onlyi
When June and Winter wed
They shoe Times steeds with lcadt
Small wonder that she fed
To love aud laughter.
To Lies full swirl and stir,
Though years must bring TO her
Even IA btterer.
More sordii, after"
Only the stage-worn play
Light Love will have Its way.
It's own mad course, nor stay
For name nor station.
A woman rashly bought,
Ambition coldly sought,
Passion and Greed--have wrought
This jcsolation.
r. ARMYTAGE,
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1886-06-27

From Ths Montreal Journal or Commerce.
An honest faced oil saugsI well lJto tho sixties, AMI
apparently ellto-do. called al tne office OF leading
Wholesale grocery nrn 81. Pete-st last houiay
afternoon evidently little puzzled at the appearance OF
all around him. Fun tom Trout '.ver. AMI I've Just
been down along II. Paa-st., said he. Amt there
been good many changes thcreabOuts!" "les,
"a good many changes .cIe OF late ycaIs," reI led
the merchant I've been looking ana down that
street." continued the stranger tue Ia two hO for
who sold me some shirts once and wanted Ia pay
him "a balance due on them. III m. hm. said the
chant. remember what the place looked like; tho
livct his store, up hight Of ste ON tue
side of building wanted 70 lew srts, bur didn't
pay tho price he asked told him didn't bavo
money than had offered As MAS leaving tho
store lac called and said could take them and pas
the balance next time came to town Now can't Hal
the place"
Well along in 1886" replied the
scarcely able Ia refrain from joining III the shouts o.
laughter that arose from the listeners.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1886-06-27
A FIVE-CENr SPECTATOR.

Washington COrrssD0gdencs Cisrstsnt Lcndp. ...
Some of tho funniest scenes about Washington az" ,
found the cars and there Is no better place m
which 10 study human nature All Glasses rite IN hei.
from the Cabinet Minister 10 the m-sscnger III W."
Department, and have had rs my eo'Span"ns ~ me
Supreme Court letter carr er, drcssin'kei auu 60
Randall. l ride downtown every morning u ~"
Herdlc and often have the chief OF great 20,
msnt Bureau ns my Innate. lie Is mSi Wen ~ Of
throughout the country aud he receives sa'y MIA
s. 900 "a year. have noticed that ho away ~
seat nearest the faro box aud that he bays
six tickets for quarter when he sits uo"i INFO
pains oer e. up all the ares and puts n.r. ia
the box for his fellow Passengers Whenever m, line
given him he changes IL into his pocket, ana puts i've
box one of his tickets that when lao has rcsc de
nickea he Is ono ticket ahead. Tie thns eets mi n
free II makes no difference to any one, SUPPOSE Wv
looks small for $1,000 man-
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1886-06-27
LOTUS.
r. ARMYTAGE

love the lotus-blossom when II wreAthes
It's painted petals IN my sweethearts trcsses,
And she enchanted by its odor breathes
Soft words Of love. and aootnes with soft caresses
love the lotus blossom when II lies
On the white bosom OF o sleeping woman,
And falls and rises as the dreamer signs,
For that loves sake she yet has told to no man.
love the lotus blossom for II grows
On a lone grave beside o silent river;
There my youths mistress takes her last rep0se:
loved, hated, and now forgive her.
JUSTIN ii. MCCARTHY. NJ. p.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1886-06-27

and up accused the aforesaid rival who denied IT
with sccrn. There vehement dispute, ana though
ne blood was she'd the air CORY With awDrcaklrg
Teutonio epitheis
Eary in the morning Hermann zweibior visited the
fata pool, and there his enlistment IS his eel
wriggling morrily When he attempted to grab II the
creature itself into bunch OF grass ana the
whole mystery was exp laned He seized II in the grass
carried It home 10 triumph and his wife fried II for tho
mornings inea. Iobokeu has been full 0f the great
subject Tor the past week
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1886-06-27
A CATfG ORICAL WITNESS

From The Dstron Free Press
do you know the witness VOL - asked the LAWYER
Never knew him sick" replied the witness
NO levItj. said the lawyer sternly Now Sir, did
you ever see tie prisoner 1t the bar T."
" Had many drink with him az tho bar"
Answer my question, SIR" yelled the LAWYER How
long have you known the prisoner T.
" From two feet up to i've feet ZEN inches"
viii the court make .he"
have, yOM Honor" said the witness, antlcipatine
the lawyer; " have answered the question; knowed
the prisoner when he boy two feet long a man
five feet ten"
The lawyer arose. placed both hands on the table in
mont OF hin, spread his le2s apart leaned the table
and SAID: VIII you tell the court what you know abou;
this r.
Thai amt his name"
What amt bis name -
"CJse."
Wac said 1t was p
you did. Yol wanted to know what knew aDou.
this Case-hs name IL smith"
Your honor howled the lawyer. pluckng his beard
out by the roots, VIII make tlis answer g.
Witness you must answer the questions put 10 you,'
said the Judge.
Land o Goshen. your Honor han't bn dom 1t
Let the counsel fire away. I'm ready"
Then" sad the lawyer. don beat about the bush
any more You ana this prisoner have BEEN friends r.
"Never.'
What! wasn't You summoned here IA a friend OF his =
mo, sir summoned here "a a Presbyterian
Neither CT ever Friends; Quaker about him"
stand dOwd!" yelled the lawyer IN deep disgust
Hey I"
stand down"
Cant do It. I'll sit down or stand up"
W." Usher remove that man from the box"
Witness retired, muttsrlng Well II he amt the thick.
headedest lawyer ever Laid eyes On.'
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1886-06-27

FTOn tn NOrTlst0Wn Herald.
Mame,' said grammar school girl 10 q member OF
the graduating class. have you finished your T.
On, yes. gus ei Mamie; ami IL l. too lovely for
anything- Princess slip white suIah back
little below The waist line. ami full bTealths of silk
gathered in to hang gracefully tOurnGrc,
AM three bias rullcs the"
Why, wh. are you talking aDout 7" interrupted her
friend. neau. have you finished writing our essay,
you know 7"
Er-no," said Mamie her enthusiasm rap ily dmin-
ishing; but have begun It, and wish the awful thin,
was fIaii;aX!'
WHAT'S tue subject T.
" The CCrse OF slang"
GRACIOUS. Ism. that difficult su bect to writ :"
Difficult! Well, I saOuld giggle. I'll have nunp
myself to get it finished In Or the
aud I've "A good notion 10 let IL slide. ight smut up
the Professors optic by pleading Illness. hut I'm not
that sort halt pin But come waltz up INTO my room
ami look at my stunning graduating harness tn
paralyZe YOU"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1886-06-27
CURRENT ANECDOTES.
A VERMONT BRrDE0ROOM

from me D0ffon ErsntnU RCcJgi.
Tho story about the VermOnter who proposed N aha
half dollar to the amount which tho Law allowed
the pars0n for marrying him. has brought TO tile Hs
toran bran new story ef another wed ding fee t,ans
action In Vermont 10 Ia from glen village way bae
from the Connecticut. In the hills where pney scarce
and the ways are primitive. and The people frequently
prefer to pay for their purchases in kind. One day
Young couple came to tho parson the vii ge 10 Ia
married. They natnt cont OF money, aud nad been
arranged fnat tho bridegroom should bring Specified
quantity OF beeswax with which to pay the minister
The parson was thri'tythey have to lie thrifty up that
way-and took good care before he performed fhs
cerem ony to weigh out the beeswax sec yhetbe,
there was enough to pay his fse. There wasn't
Why haven you brought all the bcoswax you agreed
TO r. asked tho minister.
All had. pars0n."
Aud you haven't got any more 7"
Not another ounce"
Have you got any money at all |"
Not a mite. DarsOn.''
There was q Icrod OF uDcOmfortab silence durina
when the young farmer began to grow very mnc5
alarmed. He was AFRAID the pnsOn wouldn't marry him
unless he produced his uftermost beesgax and
the prospect struck terror 70 his soul The parson was
inclined to let him stew" wv
Look a here rarson" sail the tryman finally
tell ye whs cd; you take the beeswax and marry
us as fur as IL gOcs."
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1886-06-27
ELECrRICITF AND .HE PIANO PLAGUE.


1t Is no secret. says Continental contemporary, that
residence on The same floor maldcu prsctises the
afternoon again from 7, besides giving pcrfo
against the wall, whlstng, bOmblrdine the wall
boots all OF avail ainst piano There has.
indeed, hitherto been remedy, AMI still
waiting for piano tax Lately, however, a Berlin
electrician has helped tortured friend by means o.
pilno-kil-r. Miss Else nel to her beloved piano
recent lovely spring day delight touching the
codld felt through the wall when suddenly OH
heavens the whole piano went ont OF tune. AMI not
snSle sound correct. The sr ire nDei with IcAr,
and the nsXf door head troug the wal how
began weep. whica sDitenei the heart of tue
electrician, however, furOu-ly attacked by
friend when attempting 10 restore its music 10 the
instrument, the eursged saNant swc ring that tha
fortunes wHlch he had endured from the piano
to he atoned Ior easily.
The Elsrs piano became widely known, chiefly
because and then the Did Gle retained
keys. The greatest musicians and pianist doctors
iOcks To examine tue strange oui could
solve the mi lie, which finally explained follows:
large ectfJ-D .gnet put Into the room OF the
toridred savant and It's poles put close 10 the WALL
against which the piano stood in tie next house An
electric battery connected with he elect om,gnrt.
Whenever "a strong stream Of electricity turned
its effect could tsy be felt thIOu-h The wall by the
horizontal steel strings In the piano. and athOufb the
electricity mas not very powerfully felt Il quito
powerful enough to put the piano OUT % tune.
the electric stream was stopped whlcd occurred ~
often the victim OF the ii tnO plaque went out ths
mysucal iniUonce stopped and Miss Else could play.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1886-06-27
ANACCOMMODA TLON TRATN.


A few day we'll knO of Atlanta had
occasion to from WIghtsville to Dublin. He
OF the accommodating trains between the two towns,
and prepared himself to sleep during tie short journey
When the journey about half over and while tho
train dashng along at high rate OF sTeed. the
gneer observed a rne large gopher near the track
"Jerusaem the blest"' he calculated, turning TO the
fireman, " Pat on BRAKES and stop tue trtn.'
He caught hOld OF the whistle lever and produced
succession OF shr blasts which caused the brakemen
back in the To hurry To their posts and francay
endeavor TO twist the brakes up 10 The last notcn. The
passengers thought tie engineer had O,er.kon herd
of wild steers or that bridge had been washed away,
and every of hem preparei To join prayer
ing by way OF preparation for impending death Finally,
the train was sopped but not until the gopher had been
LETT half mile behind Determined TO lose his game,
the engineer backed to the spot where lie had he
gopher soppet the trsin and accompanied by tho fire.
All, gave chase and captured IL.
Say" said passenger to the conductor the train
started toward Dublin what kind or IA train
is this Il"
us accommodation rsn." the conductor replied,
AMI will accommodate engineer quickly IL villa
when there's gopLer in the case
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1886-06-27

The Dawes had been married six months, and
were rather more in love with each other than
before. The crucial test had been well endured.
But at last the pressure of financial difficulties
began to be felt. and the Inspiration of Rnsselrs
muse had not been favorable. However Margery's
bright face was no Whit less blooming, though the
difficulties of housekeeping at times seemed insur-
mountable. On her deyolved the making Of
excuses, the subterfuges, the llttle devices TO
conceal poverty from the prying eyes OF acquaint-
ances. But she was full of mettlc. and rallied all
her forces. She dismissed Que of her maid-servants
and made herself useful in the mornings with her
pretty head tied mp duster In the afternoon
she put on her hest gown and presented a lacka-
away se6slously with uDdagging industry. only
aiipg himself for ten minutes at q time on the
leads. Sometimes Margery selected these intervals
~ 20 and look at what be had written. She
usually came out of his study with = dubious frowp
between her eyes. The NcKilligins stood afar of,
ana made no overtnres Of peace BY Christmas
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1886-03-25

THE antipathy of high-born English
ladies to Mr.. Gladstone is illustrated
by the following dispatch from London:
1t has TRANSFERRED that when the Queen
offered to the Duchess of RoXburgh the
position of Mistress of the Robes the
Duchess replied, declining the honor
and further declaring her unwilling
ness to accept any Office while Mr.
Gladstone should remain Premier. The
Queen, it is said, wrote an autograph
letter to the Duchess expressing appro-
baton of her declination and acknowl-
edging the sufficiency of her reasons.
Her Majesty further advised the
Duchess to publish her reasons for re-
fusing position in the household of
the Queen, and the Duchess made
preparations to do so. Judicious
friends, however, counseled her Grace
TO forego her intention, and the noble
lady is now Lady in Waiting while Mr..
Gladstone is still Premier.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1886-03-25

REFERRING to Minister Schenck a
correspondent, writing from Washing
ton, says: 1t has not been generally
known that the ex-Minister, who has
been occupying position in the State
Department for some years past, was
recently dropped from the department
rolls. Judge Schenck was appointed
under the Hayes Administration to
supervise the publication of the laws of
Congress. Congress appropriates a
certain amount for this purpose, and
three thousand dollars of it goes annu-
ally to thepersoni in charge of the work.
He takes the laws as they are printed at
the public printing Office, arranges
them, makes an index and prepares the
references. The person having charge
of the publication of the laws has little
or nothing to do. About two months
ago Judge Schenck completed the
volume for the Forty-eighth Congress,
and he was then notified that his SER
vices would he no longer needed.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1886-03-25

"OLD SoRREL," Stonewall Jackson's
war horse, died at the Confederate Sol
diers' Home, Richmond, Va, recently.
''Old Sorrel'' was thirtytwo years of
age, was wounded twice during the
war, and was the last surviving horse
of the Confederate army. A taXider-
mist was at once set to work upon him,
and will stuff and mount the horse,
which will be placed in the Soldiers
Home. The animal after Jackson's
death was placed at the Virginia Mill
tary Institute, and no one was allowed
to ride him. He was taken to the New
Orleans Exposition, and although
kindly cared for by the soldiers of the
Home, it is alleged that the trip fatally
injured him.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1886-03-25
ADDITIONAL DISPATCHES.

CONFERENCE was held with the Missouri
Pacific officials by the Governors of Kan
sas and Missouri at st. Louis on the after
noon of the 2lst. The railroad was willing
to abide by the agreement of 1885, but with
conditions inimical to the Knights of La
Dor.
THE Senate was not in session ON the
Goth. The House devoted its time to sill
yer discussion.
TWENTY missionaries sailed from New
York on the Goth to join Bishop Taylor OF
the Methodist Church in Africa. They e1
pect to travel 500 miles into the interior OF
Africa.
FIRE started recently in A. K. Robert
sons wholesale grocery store at Helena,
Ark, and before it was subdued nearly
$500, 900 worth of property was destroyed.
CLEARING house returns for week ended
March 20 showed an average increase OF
400 over the corresponding week Of last
year. In New York the increase was 81. /.
MASKED men raided the roundhouse OF
the Texas Pacific at Denlson, Tex, early or
the morning of the 21st. After capturing
the watchmen, the masked men proceeded
to kill all the engines. The damage was
considerable.
GERONIMO, the Apache chief, surrendered
to Lieutenant Maus on the Goth. Geronimo
had just been defeated by Mexican troops
and surrendered to Maus to escape Next
can vengeance.
CHARLES b. MATTHEwsoN, president of
the Norfolk National Bank, Norfolk, Neb.,
has absconded to Canada. Matthewson
had previously occupied several important
public positions.
THE German schooner Rosalie, from Rio
Grande- De Sui for Falmouth, has been
wrecked on the coast of Cork. The Cap
fered terribly.
EX-CoNGREssMAN JOHN s. WILLIAMS, of
Cambridge, Mass, died recently, aged sew
enty-six.
The greater portion of the officers and
crew of the steamship Oregon sailed for
England on the 21st from Boston.
REPUBLICAN rioters recently pillaged the
club Almerade in Alicante, Spain. Sew
eral shots were fired. The police quickly
suppressed the disorder.
A TELEGRAM from Marshfeld, Oregon, Of
the Goth, says: The steamer Reda, loaded
with railroad iron, sprang a leak and
foundered forty miles off Cape Perpetua.
The Beda carried crew of thirteen, in
Guiding Captain Healy. The only two
saved were picked up and reached here on
the tug Fearless.
THE House Committee on Contested
Elections agreed by 8 to on an adverse
report on the claim OF Frank Hurd to be
Representative of the tenth district of
Ohio against Jacob Romeis, the sitting
member.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1886-03-25
RrGBY Colony, the COLONY planted by

RUGBY Colony, the colony planted by
Tom Hughes on Cumberland plateau,
in upper East Tennessee, is experience
ing revival 1t languished for the
first year of its existence, and received
a setback a year ago by the destruc-
ton of the hotel and the prevalence
of sickness, but in the past twelve
months has begun to show vigorous
growth, and the population has recent
ly been doubled, and the colony is
growing rapidly in wealth. Many fine
residences are being erected. The sue
cess of the colony is now an assured
fact
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1886-03-25
JAMES WALKER. a miser of Unto

JAMES WALKER, a miser of Union
town, o., died the other day. He pos
sessed twenty thousand dollars. He
was bachelor and lived in little log
house. He lived principally on clover
and bran in summer. He spent most
of his time in winter in bed and ate
raw corn meal to save the expense of
fire A couple of years ago, although
in feeble health, he walked twenty-five
miles to get one cent which was owing
him through the mistake of the County
Treasurer.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1886-03-25
MISCELLANEOUS.

UNITED STATES Marshals have broken up
the illicit still of Wiley Hall and Ballard
Bailey, in West Virginia.
AT Huacho, in Peru, during the elections,
a sharp struggle for the possession of the
voting tables resulted in thirteen persons
being killed or wounded.
ST. PATRICK's day was celebrated in Ire
land without disorder save in Londonderry,
where during row stones were used and
an inspector and a constable injured.
tbs steamer Chattanooga was run
aground by the pilot near Chattanooga,
Tenn, recently and totally wrecked. He
allowed the rudder to get the mastery and
the boat plowed into the bank with full
head of steam on.
THE committee which has had under con-
sideration Prince Bismarck spirit measure
bill, and which had already rejected the
first clauses, voted against the remaining
clauses of the bill, thus defeating the en-
tire measure.
CINCINNATI Knights of Labor ask the ex-
position commissioners to refuse to allow
the Champion iron works any space.
THE treaty of peace between Servia and
Bulgaria has been ratified by the represen-
tatives of the Powers interested.
INCIDENTAL to the strike in Texas a train
was derailed near Marshall and bridge
burned near Fort Worth on the 18th.
PATTON & Co., merchants of Sandersville,
Miss, have made an assignment. Liabili-
ties, sS5O, 900; assets, SIS, 1000
THE c. W. Allen Tobacco Company, Of
Chicago, have adopted the eighthour sys-
tenn with no change in wages.
THE President has sent the following
to the Senate: William L.
Trenholm, Civil Service Commissioner,
South Carolina, to be Comptroller of the
Currency in place of Henry N. Cannon, re-
signed. John H. Oberly, of Illinois, to be
Civil Service Commissioner in the place of
William L. Trenholm, nominated to be
of the Currency. Charles Ly
man, of Connecticut, now Chief Examiner
of the Civil Service Commission, to be
Civil Service Commissioner in place Of
Dorman B. Eaton, resigned.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1886-03-25

On its present peace footing the Ger
man army consists of 427, PA men and
49, 1S officers. On war footing, for
which the estimates are always made,
the army proper would consist of l, 1885,
677 men and 35, 99S officers, served also
by 312,7 31 horses and 2,S0S guns. In
addition to this great force there is the
landsturm, or militia reserves.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1886-03-25

The American colony in the south
of France was much disturbed and
scandalized recently by the reported
elopement of a married lady belonging
to wcll-known American family with
a Frenchman whose rank is much
higher than his reputation.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1886-03-25

The ALASKAN of January so, says:
Since 1870 the Territory of Alaska has
paid into the Treasury of the United
States over S4,500,000, net revenue
from the rental from the seal fur fran
chise alone and is still paying an an
nual revenue of over 100000 there
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1886-03-25
In an attempt-to-murder case at Gin

In an attempt-to-murder case at Gin
cinnati, recently, witness swore that
there was communist society in the
city which regularly practiced drilling
and rifle shooting; that there are five
hundred such organizations throughout
the country; and that no record of the
membership is kept, so as to prevent
identification in case of arrest.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1886-03-25

SHERIFF p. H. SPEEss, of Conway
County, Ark, who was recently de-
posed because of criminal neglect in
allowing Barnes, the murderer OF Hol-
man, and two other prisoners to escape
from Jail, has been re-appointed by
Governor Hughes.