Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
RrnNItlps.

Since the earthquake we are beginning TO
suspect that the south is not as solid as repre-
scented. Philadelphia Call.
Somebody who has nothing better TO do adj
v~ertises "ClothcS without buttons" We have
all had them. But why parade them thus os-
tentatiously Washington Post.
Conductor on Vermont Observation-Disclosures,
isn't that boy old enough to pay full farei
Lady-He wasn't when he started, but |
guess he is now.-Boston Herald.
"Auch! That horrid man stepped on my
big toe" MY lear young lady, that is inn
possible. How can a person having such a
beautiful little foot as you possess a Zig toef'
Berlin Times.
A magazine in New York announces that
its series of war articles will continue through
the ensuing year. The literary magazine Of
the period has become n powder magazine
Chicago Times.
Young Wife (who is trying hard to be prac-
ticaD-I see eggs are firmer, according to the
market reports. Husband-Yes, my love.
Wife-That means that they arc hard boiled,
doesn't it!-BOSton Budget.
The superiority of man to nature is contin-
ually illustrated. Nature needs an immense
quantity OF quilts to make a goose with, but
a man can make n goose Of himself with one.
Shoe and Leather Reporter.
With the two biggest insurance companies
in the territory and fourteen churches in &C.
tive operation, Sioux Falls ought to be able
to reduce loss or damage by fire here or here
after.-Sioux Falls I'd. IT, Press.
A rural contemporary writes feelingly on
"How to Treat an Editor" A good rule is to
follow the example of Col. Crockett's finest
gentleman-iu New-York: Hand him the de-
canter and turn your back.-Buffalo Express.
The captain Of the British yacht Galatea Is
named Hem. Aha! Henn-batchway-lay
to-lay two; henn-hatchway-lay to-la-
1t strikes lis there is a pun there somewhere,
but hanged if we can twist it into proper
shape.-Drake's Magazine.
Can you tell me, my dear" said "a hus-
band 10 his scolding wife, ~the difference be-
tween your mouth and a court house doorG'
mo, sir, / can't well, then, you had bet
ter have one or the other of them closed 50
that other people can tell the difference even
if you can't. Newman Independent.
."Well, skipper, you warmed 'em nicely, -"
said an enthusiastic yachtsman TO one of the
yellow-mustached crew of the Mayflower af,
ter the race. "Sure," said the sailor. Der
British nelFer vas no good py ter Yankee sail
nIs alongside, alrctty.-New York Sun.
4 travelling theatrical company in this
city about to take the road VIII a piece that
requires a red-haired girl, not necessarily
handsome, advertised for such, and got not a
single answer. The next day they advertised
for an auburn haired beauty and the office
was crowded with red-headed girls ugly
enough to scare a gorilla.-Exchange.
Two women approached each other from
opposite directions yesterday on Seventh
street. One was looking into the shop win,
dows and the attention Of the other was at
tracted TO the opposite side of the street. They
collided. Both looked around with q frown
and, glaring at each other, said: you
clumsy thing, do you want the earthi" A
little further down the street one Of the
women collided with a smart looking young
man. When she saw il was a man that had
brushed against her she smiled and said: Il
beg pardon in her most insinuating. tone.
He replied, as he tipped his hat: Don't men.
ton it, please" The close student Of human
nature will observe hat this story is true
St Paul Globe