The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-08-19
HHUMoR.


Observation-Disclosures
A COMMON by-word-Pll pass.
MAIDS in waiting those beyond
twenty-five.
The barber can be relied on for data
in the making up OF crop" reports
Yonkers Gazette.
THERE are few disappointments in
life equal to that experienced by man
who expects that he is going to sneeze
and suddenly discovers that he can't.
"KEEp going straight ahead, says
writer. This is all very well, but when
there is bulldog in the path We would
rather go round him.-BostOn Courier.
THE KIND OF MAN TO HAVE.
A husband? No woman ser had a better,
And happiness gilds his life;
He never forgets to mail a letter
That's given him by his wife
Boston Courier.
YoUNG BABsTER Is just learning
Greek and has nearly mastered the
alphabet. He said it was no wonder
Homer was blind If he had to read his
own poetry in such outlandish type
Lynn Union.
SAID a young lady to female friend:
"Why do you use two kinds OF paper
in writing your love letters?' When L
write to jim / use red paper, because
that means love, and when L write to
Tom / use blue paper. for that means
faithfulness.
AT Lake Nyassa, Africa, man can
be bought for forty yards of white cot
ton cloth. This is certainly very rea-
sonable; in this country it sometimes
takes several thousand dollars and a lot
of telephone stock to buy man, and
then he may 60 back on you just before
Congress adjourns. -EstelLi'ae Bell.
no." SAID the henpecked husband,
as he scratched his bald head, Il am
not believer in Mormonism, not by
long chalk" "Why not?" asked the
Mormon sympathizer with whom he
was conversing. Because" replied
the henpecked man, Il don't believe In
man having two wives. NO man can
serve two masters.
HER LITTLE HAND.
Her little hand so soft and white,
Like an imprisoned bird TO night
held within my own.
The beaute Ous maid 1 long had wooed,
And for that little hand had sued
Till hope had almost flown.
At last in mine it trembling lay,
felt its futtering pulses play
sOundless melody
For liberty IL scarcely fought,
1t was u prisoner, i thought,
That wished not to DO free.
The trembling captive caressed,
The velvet fingers softly pressed,
While her fair face | scanned;
Then, as her color rose and fell
What JOY was mine to hear her tell
I'd won the little handl
Oh little hand, so soft and white, -lf
hDa nneh ra1,t hrill ms wi a
On will X ever be
That that fair hand, with satin skin, h9
Armed with n broom or rolling-pin,
Will terrors have for me?
A PHILADELPHIA inventor predicts
that the time is soon coming when the
type-setting machine will be perfected
and in use in all printing offices. The
Philadelphia man is not far from right.
Prof. Clamp, OF Estelline, some time
ago became interested in the matter
and has labored on it to some purpose.
He had but little difficulty in construct
ing machine that would set type per-
fectlv from the most complicated manu-
script, and soon found that by the adj
dition of a couple of cams and a
thingumbob it could be used to
write editorials. He had some trouble
in getting it so that it would collect the
DIS ana put lis ieet on the desk, but
has finally succeeded. He does not
hope to get it so it will pay the bills.
After Office hours. by touching spring
it will turn out affidavits about the
circulation till stopped. One of the
most interesting sights in connection
with Prof. Clamps invention is, when
two OF them are working together, to
see one OF them stop ana attempt to
borrow a chew of tobacco of the other,
and being unsuccessful turn around
and strike the editor tor some. Few
editors can look on this without she'd
ding tears. The Professor expects to
realize fortune from his invention,
and is confident that sales will boom
right up to the highest notch as soon
as it is understood that each machine
is required to sign the temperance
pledge before it leaves the shop