Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-04-08

ton 1t, SO 1t passed entlrely IRON his
memory, and as at last he found him
self on his homeward way upon night
train which he had taken unexpected
ly-for be had written the day before
that he should not be back for week
1T occurred to him that his arrival
would be q delightful surprise to the
family. lie had his latch key with
him and he quite chuckled over the
thought of letting himself in and being
found snug in bed next morning.
Wont there be time, he said to
himself
Mall scream. The girls-I can
hear EN- laugh. And Sam will pretend
not to be astonishea-ha! ha! ha!'
So, with his portmanteau in his
hand, he assembled the steps of his
domicile and deliberately but softly
proceeded to open the front door.
As he did SO the alarm was struck,
racket and jingle filled the house,
and simultaneously Mrs. Jones, the
Misses Jones, Master Jones, the cook,
the chambermaid, aud the waiter
thrust their head out Of the window
and screamed 'PoliceP
Almost as they did so two clubs
struck the pavement and two giants
in uniform seized Mr.. Jones by the
arms.
'Ah, got you this time, cried one of
them. We've been looking for you
for some time.
Let me co. cried Mr.. Jones !
live here It's mistake.
Yes, no doubt it's a mistake, said
the policemen.
Bat tell them--tell them, let me
offer proof pleaded Mr.. Jones.
They all know me; tell them it's
! Mr.. Jones.
He says it's Mr.. Jones, cried the
policeman to Il nightcap and shawl in
the window.
NV husband is in Chicago, said
Mrs Jones.
But she peeped out nervous!y.
| However she did not recognize her
husband. Mr.. Jones had left home in
tall hat and an overcoat; but during
his absence he had unfortunately pur-
chased a traleling ulster that touched
his heels, and Il cap. He wore both,
as was natural on midnight journey.
No, never saw the object before,
said Mrs. Jones. DO take him away
You'll appear tomorrow, said the
policeman. You'll appear against
him, ma am"
decidedly. | shall consider it my
duty, sad the lady, and shut the
window
Then Jones demonstrated with the
policeman, and begged to have MIR.
Smith next door called and was told
to hold his tongue,
Jones was not mild man. In a
few minutes his wrath boiled over; he
attacked the policeman with his UNI
brella and was totally defeated. He
arrived at the station house with a
black eve and bruise on the fore
head, and frothlng at the mouth with
rage and was lockel up after having
been recognized by several experts as
Tommy the the Tapper,' noted
burglar for whose arrest a large re
ward was offered.
His valise was taken from him, also
his watch and pocket book. He was
shut up in a cell with an Intoxicated
tramp who had arrived at that stage of
delirium tremens at which snakes are
the favorite delusion, and who took
poor Mr.. Jones for one of them and in
sisted on treading on his head.
In argument and single combat with
this gentleman Mr.. Jones passed the
hour until morning, when he was TAX
en- from his highly rerfumed sequestra-
ton and dragged through the bleak
streets to court of justice, where he
attempted to explain matters once
more, and was still explaining them
without the slightest effect upon any
one when his son and wife arrived.
Eveh then the ulster, the cap and
the black eye deceived poor Mrs. Jones
for moment, and but for Sam there is
no knowing what might have become
of the unhappy gentleman. However
Sam came to the rescue and the three
went home together in a cab; Mrs.
Jones moaning and wringing her hands
all the way, and Mr.. Jones threatening
to sue for divorce.
He foroave his wife at last, however,