News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-23

Fam Jones paused in a discourse on
patience at Omaha the other night aau
SAID If there was one man present who
never had spoken a cross word to his
wife he would ask him to rise. BY
-,'rd ~ a round-faced, good natured
man stood up. "Thank Cod" said
Sam, there is one man who never spoke
cross word to his wife" Everybody
took good look at the paragon, when
he broke the silence with the remark
II haven't any wife. I'm bachelor. -
Omaha Her7s d.
wHIsTLING.
Mistress Bridget, whv on earth are
you standing there, whstling in that
manner 90
Bridget-"Faith. an didn't We tell
me that whin that tin thing in the wall
commenced to whistle that was to an
swer it and here I've been shtanding
for the last fifteen minnits answering
the ould thing wild all me moight, and
1t don't seem to recognize me at all. -
Hd1per'S Bdzar.
A LONG HEAD.
Mrs. Greene-Timothy what have
/
on the bureau
Timothy put it into the letter box,
nam.
Mrs. G.-Oh, provoking! Didn't you
see there was no address on the envel-
ope?
1imothy-Yes, mann; but I thought
yer didn't want nobody to know who
| you was writin' to.--Lite.
IN THE ROW.
A fair and buxom widow who had
! buried three husbands, recently went
with gentleman, who in his younger
years had paid her marked attention, to
inspect the graves of her dear departed.
After contemplating them in mournful
silence, she murmured to her compan-
ION:
"Ah, James, you might have been In
that row now if you only had a little
more courage"
SHORT CALL.
,'Is your first name George, Mr..
FeatherlyI" inquired Bobby, as the
young man seated himself in the parlor
and began to draw of his gloves.
''NO, Bobby" replied Featherly, with
an amused smile. "Why?"
''Oh, nothiu'. only heard Clara tell
ma she expected George tonight, and
that she hoped to goodness there
wouldn't be any other callers.
AN EXPRESSION.
Goachman (who has approached Mrs.
rf5FQwn Tor more agcT'sT-vKaF w0dIT
your husband say, mem, if l was to ask
him for a raise!
Mrs. Brown (who knows her hus-
lands financial disposition) - Well,
Henry, as l never indulge in profanity,
you must excuse me from venturing an
expression on that subject Hush5ngt0n
critic.
FINANCIAL QUESTION.
Catharine Owen has published a book
called "Ten Dollars Enough" She
may think so now but by the time she
gets all the jet trimming and stuff for
the overskirt, she will find that about
ten dollars more is necessary, not includ-
ing the dressmaker's bill. Ten dollars
is enough for the material, but the trim
ming and making cost like sixty. Nor
rist0eon Herald.
AFTER THE HONEY MOON.
Mrs. Winkle-Oh, my dear, that love-
ly play you and j saw together before
we were married is to be produced
again. Let's go.
Mr.. Winkle-The one with the lovers
in it who die for each other
t'Yes"
whats the use,2 1t did us no good.
We went on living"
IN STYLE.
''See here, Levi, what do you mean
by selling me that suit of clothes It's
three years out of style. thought you
said you never kept clothes out of
style.
$50 / don't mine vriend. Dots de
reason sold dose. Vot for would l
keep em?'-TBe Rambler.
GETTING ANXIOUS.
MA" said Clara, 81 think I'll have
my new seal brown suit trimmed will
bows to match"
''Humph!' said her father, ''you y ont
succeed"
'NVhy not, par"
''WelI, none of your beaux seem to
match
NOTHING TO SAY.
''Clara was telling ma about your
singing at Mrs. Hobson's party" re
marked Bobby.
"Yes2" said Featherly complacently; |
land what did she say2"
''Oh, she didn't say anything. She
Just laughed
HIS HAIR.
A little friend of ours was recently |
taken to tae barber shop to have his .
hair cut for the first time. As the bar
Der cut and clipped, the little fellow |
seemed to become considerably alarmed, /
for he suddenly said, in anxious tones: |
You'll leave enough to grow, won't
you, mister 2
ODDS AND END.
| costs money to advertise but .
it costs more money not to advertise
Education is something like love
Most men think they have got it till !
they come to be about forty years old.
PA, do pro and con mean oppo.
site thingsr' "Ies, SON "ls that the .
reason why they speak of progress and
COngressf"
Mamma" asked little Carrie one
day, ''can you tell me what part of heav-
en- people live in who are good but not
agreeable"
A CORRESPONDENT wants to know
what is the best cure for insomnia Has
the gentleman tried going for several
nights without sleep.
II Henry George had ever been con
PEELED to get Lis living by growing pota-
toes on piece of scrub oak land, his
new land theory would never have been
invented
THE newspaper reporter understands
how to work up a climax of horrors.
A ter telling of severe accident which
has befallen John Smith, the reporter
adds: 'Ie is married.
MIND reading is now the proper ca.
per Take hold Of my left hand and
,el me what I'm thinking of" said
the head of the family his conhdmg
pouse. ''Oh yes, said she graspiug
his hand convulsively, you are think
ing about taking me to visit MANN ~
She had to guess again.