West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1886-11-25
HUMOR.

ALWAYS we'll posted-a good fence.
IT is rain or shine with bootblack.
A HOUSING appeal-@Time to get up. "
How TO get rid OF surplus milk -
cheese il.
WOMAN of the world (toyouthful ad.
mirer)-"You seem TO know a great
deal q married life. Are you married. p
Merritt with blase air)-"No, but my
father is. Tile Judge.
He (entreatingly)-"Wont you give
me this next waltz. Miss Violet?" She
(coquettishly)-~Perhaps if you press
me. "Ihe bold horrid thing-Tll do
that as we dance. life.
SAYS Victor Hugo: During battle
let us be the enemies of our enemies.
and after victory their brothers." But
that wi depend largely on how the
enemy feels if the enemy happens to be
the victor. Boston Courier.
A LADY in a railway carriage took
ont her purse, took therefrom q six
pence, and handed IL to a well-dressed
man who was smoking. "What is this
forP' asked the smoker. "It's to buy
you good cigar when you smoke in
the presence of ladies, was the reply.
ARE checks fashionable now, " asked
a highly dressed dude of his tailor as
he looked over his goods II don't be-
llevo they are, sir, was the reply, "for
/ haven't seen any around lately He
looked so hard at the young man when
he said it that it caused an absence in
the shop very rapidly.
WASN'T Herod an old man before he
learned to dance?" a little girl asked
OF her mother. @Why, my child, what
ON ca tin pat that in your head ?"
Nothing much, only / was reading in
lay Sunday lesson that the
daughter of Herodias danced before
Herod." The little girl had to dance
of to bed.-TerGS Suttngs.
A WOMAN in Vermont is the mother
of twenty-seyen children, all living;
and they do say that when Christmas
time comes around, her unfortunate
husband just goes out in the deep dark
woods all alone by himself and lies
down on the cold snow under o grow
ing Christmas tree and weeps and
weeps as if h 8 heart would break.
Cambridge Chronicle.
"MR. JONES'" said the end man, with
the insinuating voice for which he
ceased TO be famous some time during
the reign of Elizabeth, can you tell
me how to invest money so that it will
go the farthest?" mo, Mr.. Thomp.
son, L am not aware that i can. How
do you invest money so that il will 90
the farthest" "Why, you buy postage
stamps, to be sure. "-Tid- Bits,
GOOD ADVICE.
NJ son, the deacon wiaely aRtd,
v " IL
Take note OF ali that's good YOU see
Ignort Whnto' or may evil be-
should pugil 81 meet you some day.
Insult you ne you wend your way,
Should call VoI names. and should deory
Your prowcss do no. battle try.
Just take no note OF him.
And IL amid your daily work
You soc q man who'll ever shirk
The labor that no ought to do;
VINO drinks, aud drinks quite often, too;
Who's fniled IN business tIn times Der
Who's apt TO fail some ten times more
Who CANDLES ana quits largely bots
And no yer lays his honest debts
Why, take no note of hun
WHAT you want" said physi.
clan to a Dakota editor who came to
consult him, lis absolute rest mentally
and more physical exercise for a few
months" Mustn't think at alp" "No,
sir" "And take all the outdoor exer-
else possible?" THAT'S it exactly"
But how am 1 going to get my iiv-
ing" We'll, my advice to you is to
go TO Washington and start such q cor
respondence bureau as you have been
getting letters from for the last year.
Writing the letters will give your mind
just the rest it needs while dodginp
yolr board bill will bring the exer.
cise."- EStelltle Bell