Little Falls transcript., 1886-04-02
Anecdotes Of sArtelnHs Ward.

]. Calling upon Mr.. Lincoln on one Of
the darkest days in the late war,
was surprised to see upon his mantel
piece a couple ofvolumes-one small
Bible, the other "Artemus Ward, His
Book" "Do you read Artemus
Ward?" I asked him. 81 don't read
anybody else," he answered, with a.
smile on his care worn face; che is in
imitable." In the plain building be-
fore which we are standing the inimit-
able Snowman first set up his "wax
tiggers;;" and if we enter here we may
encounter the assistant editor OF the
Plaindealer who was the associate and
intimate friend of "a. Ward" when
the Rtter was the city editor of this
journal. He has many anecdotes to
tell of the genial Snowman. He de-
scribes his appearance, when he first
came to the Office, as decidedly rustic.
He was, he says, long and lank, with
flowing hair, and loosly fitting
coat, and trousers too short in
the legs and bagging at the knees His
humor was irrepressible, and always
bubbling over, and he kept all about
him in constant state of merriment.
He was wag-nothing but a wag-
but in that line genius. He could
see only the ludicrous side of subject.
Going away once on q short vacation,
he engaged this gentleman to perform
his work during his absence. He care
fully instructed him as to his duties,
and in doing SO drew from his pocket
a tow-strlng about a foot and a half
long, and told him that he must fur
nish that amount of copy per day,
leaving on his desk that measure as g.
reminder OF the quantity. About this
time he was called upon to respond to
toast to the Press, at Ben Frank
lin festival held in Cleveland. He
arose to his feet, hung his head for
few moments in silence, and then sat
down, having said nothing. In his &C.
count of the festival in the next DAVIS
Plaindealer his speech was reported by
a blank space Of about half column
OF eloquent silence.
This gentleman remembers that soon
after "a. Ward" entered the lecture
fell he was invited by a theatrical
manager in San Francisco to deliver
course in California. The season
being close at hand, the manager ask
ed him, by telegraph: "What will
you take for forty nights in
California? Answer immediately"
Ward answered Immediately, by
telegraph, "Brandy and water"
The joke was noised throughout the
state, and the result was, when Arte-
mus went there to lecture on his own
account, he was met everywhere with
overtlowing houses. While engaged in
lecturing in the west, he wrote this gen.
tleman the following epistle:
MY DEAR GEoRGE.-I want you to do me
a favor. I relied on one OF my men to save
me the press notices. He didn't. Will you
collect them Tor me at once, and send them
to mo at the Bates House? Now this is
taxing your good nature, but you'll do it
for me-wont you, George? Do you know
that you remind me more and more OF the
noble Romans? I don't know who they
were but you remind me OF them; you do,
indeed. And could l have appealed to one
OF those noble Romans to cut out some
press notices for me in vain? / guess
not. 10 on, young man, go on. Deal kind
ly with the aged. Remember that we are
here for only little while. and that riches
take unto themselves wings and fly away
1ntoxicate the stunning bowl. Support
your county paper. Love the Lord, and
send me those notices. Write likewise.
And now, kind sir, farewell.
"When other lips and other hearts,
Yourn, my pretty gazelle, A. WARD.
Harper's Magazine