The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-14

Fun In the New York Stock Exchange.
The activities of tock-brokerage m
volve exhaustive drain of vital energy.
The nervous force necessarily expended
in rapid reasoning and quick decision
is often directed into other channels to
relieve the overtasked brain. The
younger section of the broker tribe In.
dulges in an annual regatta of it's row.
ing association, in baseball contests
with the callow athletes of popular col
leges, or in friendly struggles among
themselves, in which the "Good Boys"
are pitted against the BAD Boys" in
go-as-you-please pedestrian matches in
the Central Park, in Bacchic dances to
the enhancing music of Italian organ
grinders, in tremendous attempts at
Graco-R Roman wrestling, and in ex-
asperating "tug -of-war" contests ut
either end of a stout rope. 1t also
revels, in company with the elder, in
the concerts of the Glee Club, and
never fails to make the annual song
festival at Chickering Hall, or the less
FIRE luent one in the Brooklyn Academy
of Music, grand success in respect OF
enthusiasm, flowers, and numbers. AT
the Christmas season 1t luxuriates In
the blowing of tin horns and bugles,
smashing of broker hats, pelting with
blown bladders, wet towels, and sur
reptitious balls, and in the sly in
sertion of the cooling crystals between
the collars and necks of unsuspecting
brethren. Hot pennies are sometimes
substituted. Ii the victim whose
spinal column glows with unwonted
heat be of dynamite temperament, a
fierce explosion is the newt
able result. This same juvenile sec
ton is addicted to horse play with un-
conscious intruders into the Board
Room, and with subjects of practical
Jokes. The clothes of both grow rap
idly worse for wear, and are badly
marked with uncertain quotations of
stocks in still more uncertain figures in
chalk. This is all the more incongru-
Gus in view of the faultless and almost
dudish attire OF many of the members.
Fashionable tailors eau not crave bet
ter advertisement, nor florists more
striking coign of vantege, from which
to display there choicest wares.
This class of gentlemen reveals re-
markably aifectionate interest in the
advent of newcomer to the broker
household, circulates tidings of the
joyful event, congratulates the blush
ing pere, and takes up collection for
the purchase OF some appropriate or
inappropriate present to the infantine
monarch. They are also somewhat
prone to the haZing of new members,
and are not always discreet in the
choice of methods. If the welcome be
peculiarly hearty. the novice may re-
ceive q free ride around the Board
Room, the transfer of quotations from
the blackboard to the back of his coat,
and see the necessity of new orders to
his halter and tailor. In vain does the
Chairman use his gavel on such oc-
casions. The spirit of fun is riotous,
and does not hesitate to run oil with
that symbol Of authority. At other
times it may leave him alone in his
glory to call the list in awesome silence
to empty benches. These irrepres-
sibles welcome some visitors with
profound respect Prince Hohen-
lobe is regarded in silence; "God save
the Queen" is sung with enthusiasm in
presence of Sergeant Ballantine; and
loud applause greets brief speech
from "rom Brown" Oscar Wilde
does not fare as we'll. The cheers are
derisive, the jostling severe, and the
sunhower knight finds it difficult to
keep his aesthetic legs. A Manitoba
insurance agent, looking like Russian
bear in his iur cap and hairy coat. en-
ters the gallery. He is blizzard to
the brokers. They rub their hands,
swing their arms, and Guido the panto-
mime of half-froZen stage-driver.
Eloquence affects them strangely when
it springs from their own officers. Cat
calls, cheers. bowls, and whistles tes-
tify to their high appreciation. The
less there is of it the better they like ii.
Il am sorry" is an exordium that
evokes conflicting counsels, snch as
Hire a hall" etc, etc. THANK you"
was the staple speech of one of the
best secretaries the l. change ever bad,
and never failed to bring down the
house. The hilarity aud practical
iocosity at rare intervals overleap due
bounds and provoke fistic encounters,
in which case the impromptu Sullivans
and M orrisseys are parted, and then
punished by temporary suspension
from all privileges of the Exchange.
Repartee is piquant, always pointed,
sometimes Falstatiian. In dull times
the lovers of fun amuse themselves
with parodies of election tickets, rail-
road regulations, and corporation cir
culars. OF the latter, that of the
Great Bric-a-b rac Company is a speci-
men. 1t proposed the manufacture of
antique china, bric-a-brac, and bronzes
out of old fruit cans. broken crockery,
old iron, tin-foil tobacco wrappers, and
other refuse. Domestic discussions
were possibly reflected in it,. Wheat
ley, in Harper's Magazine.
Two Kinds of Grandpas.
There are grandfathers and grand
fathers. Said his mother TO Willie p,
whose andpa had been his playmate,
Yes, Willie, grandpa has gone to
heaven, where all the good people and