The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-06-12


H., Il could not give you health, II could
not keep off the lightning's stroke nor
avert any of the thousand and one ills
that flesh is heir to. But Wilson had
discovered Wilsonia, and Wilsonia was
panacea for every mortal i'll; neural
gia, gout, asthma, yellow iaundicc,
rheumatism, cholera and ticdoloreaux,
fed from Wilsonia in alright. 1t was
good for fits, and unsurpassed in cases
of the ricketts,. II was no bad thing for
broken leg, and for swelling behind
the ears 1t was infalliable. Great was
U'ilsonl Greater still Wilsonia! He had
not started business many weeks when
his Office was besieged with patients.
He advertised, and advertised, and it
brought him countless ducats. But
what is Wilsonia, say you2 Well, it
might be cap or a stocking, a coat, a
vest or pair of brccches, it depended
very much on the part affected; but ii
was good for any i'll, from the crown OF
your head to the sole of your foot. The
garments were electrified, and electrici-
ty applied directly from the Wilsonia
garments was meyer known to fail.
Business fairly rushed at him; he took
the entire side of one of our great me-
tropolitan dailies and frequently adver-
tised in three or four at time. Thou
sands of dollars were spent for advertis-
ing in dav, but thousands kept rolling
in, and in little time Wilson was
wealthy. Pictures, bric-a-brac, fine
furniture, rare porcelains and articles OF
vertu and ornaments filled every nook
and corner of his palatial residence; but
at last lucK turned as il did with Doct or
Helmbold and hundred others, and
Mr.. Wilson was laid out as fiat as a
founder. He went from bad to worse
till at last he did not know where to
turn for dollar. Then he shook him
and advertised for partner with cash
and found him and started new rack
ct. Wilsonia was pretty well played
out: thousands of people had all pants
and vests, jackets, shirts and magic
belts hung up in their garrets and cell
lars, serving as a constant reminder that
there is no experience like boughten ex-
perience. So the new racket was called
Aetna, and in hundreds of papers ap-
peared the wonderful advertisement
Aetna cures lumbago, Aetna is good for
| ain in the back, Aetna cures deafness,
weak sight is cured by Aetna. Mr..
Wilson is now in law suit for the re.
.covery of,somc of his lost property, and
if he can only succeed in getting some
of his Wilsonia electric jackets and
breeches on the offending parties he
would soon bring them to terms.
The death of tlie great Democratic
leader, John Kelly, though not altogeth.
er unexpected fell on the city like All
electric shock on Tuesday. Few men
in this land have occupied a greater
space in the public eye, and few after
such hard and stormy life will &c
down to their graves with greater honor.
Whatever advantages John Kelly had
he created them all himself. The stur-
dy honesty of the man was born in him,
and remained with him till the golden
bowl was broken. u fierce fighter, a
hard hitter, an unrelentng enemy and
firm and unfaltering friend, surround.
ell by influences that would have des.
troyed any other man, he kept his char
acter in private and in public Ture and
unspotted, and in dying his bitterest
enemy can place no taint upon hi.
record. In the fierce partizan conflicts
that now rend the city and State it i.
scarcely possible to do justice to tho
dead Tammany leader; but when the
bitterness of our present political strife.
shall have passed away, and the mer
who have been actively engaged in The
conflict shall have returned to dust, Tho
historian who writes the history of thi.
troubled time, when speaking of Johr
Kelly, will accord him an honorabl,
place among the statesmen and patriot,
who have loved and served their coun
try.
With the rascal Most ard his villain
ous confreres safe on Blackwelrs Islant
for year, and Buddenseik the swind
ling builder in States Prison we end Tho
week hopefully. For this all thanks
BROADBRJM