Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1886-01-01
OUR KALEIDosUupE.
harp practice-snrgerY.

Fancy slippers - exhibition roller
skaters.
There is nothing particularly fascinat
ing about cyclone, and yet one is apt to
be carried away with it.
LET us now go" was the opening an
them of the Christmas service in a Boston
church. The audience, undoubtedly,
joined with fervor in the amen"
"know all men by these pi esents," is
the small boys creed after Christmas and
woe to the penurious relative who didn't
help stuff his stocking.
A jolly Irishman, who was asked why
his heart was always so light, replied
that he supposed it must be because he
was born in Cork.
Why is suspender button like a birth
day party Because it is almost sure to
come off.
"Mikado nuts are the latest novelty in
the market, but if that opera lives to be
as old as Pinafore, they will be called
''Mikado chestnuts"
"Will they miss me when Pm dead Yn
sings poetess. That depends on whether
you get to be u Mrs. before you die.
1t is quite appropriate to speak of an
electric light company as an example of
brilliant management.
Never look Christmas gift in. the
price-mark.
Mediums are wrongly classed They
belong i'll the grave just below
Don't blame the women for lacing tight
The do it just for the sake of form
y country storekeeper lit his pipe and
sat down on II key of gunpowder. He got
his Christmas puff.
a New York firm advertises, amateur
painting fired" We don't blame them
we would fire it ourselves.
1t is said that there has been Il remark
able falling off in the importation of dia-
mOnds into the United States within the
past year. Alas, yes it has been hard
year for editors.
Collector Saltonstall of Boston, SAYS
there are several kinds of Democrats"
Exactly; and when it gets around to
dividing up of the offices, they are also
"too numerous TOO mention"
Joseph Cook is said to be rather a
trying man to meet. According to the
Detroit Tribunc, he recently threw Il
leading citizen of Bangor down stairs, be-
cause the gentleman in question was
guilty of the indiscretion of living in the
same State with Neal Dow.
\ little girl in Massachusetts dropped a
letter in the post directed to "Mr. Sandy
Claws We paws for a reply.
England is a good place to get lionized
they have plenty of the beast over there.
Eminent foreigners who come to this
country have to be content with our
eagles.
\ Burlington lady called at bookstore
for ga volume on ancestry" and the clerk
politely handed her IA copy of Mr. Hart
mans "Anthropoid Apes
Plays Il leading part in lfe-The blind
mans dog.-BoSton courier.
There are many new faces in Congress,
but is there less cheek 2-LOuiSrille
COuricrJOuIlu
\ Mormon was killed in Utah the other
day, leaving siXty-Seveu children to con
test his will.-BoSton Post.
An exchange says a California man has
"a defect i'll his eyes which causes him to
see every object multiplied nineteen
times This Is the first time we ever
heard cheap whiskey called Il defect in
/
riStOICu HCruld.
"What lovely Jacqueminots :" exclaim-
ed visitor admiring Mrs. Parvenu's
flowers. as that what you call EN- -
said Mrs. r. "Why, the man said they
We're roses. bought 'em on Broadway,
and paid quarter for each one too -
NcW YORK; Mail dnd Express.
Say, sis, what are you dressed up for"
81 IN going to be baptized to-day
Are you going to take ether ?'-LifC.
1t is suggested by an old soldier that
the reason why so many of Uncle Sans
defenders appear so nill-tittng uniforms
/ Is because they are not of uniform size
! Boston TrdHScript.
Tim Campbell, successor to Sunset Cox
in Congress, says he is away up in e."
/ Explanatory of this we may state that
&C refers indirectly to gall.-Ihilddcl-
| phid Press.
in the country, and it Will undoubtedly
be kept in "A good condition. Books don't
get soled much in Chicago. -BOStOH
| POST
Terrible Effects of Extension of the
Elective System. First Freshman-"Say
old man, don't we want bookcase - Sec
ond Freshman-"No hang the luXuries .
We need WINE closet and some glasses
Hdrrdrd Ldmp0on,
The western editor who put the head
Natural Gas" over the proceedings of Il
woman's rights convention, was conven-
iently "out of town" when committee
of ladies wearing spectacles and re
vengeful expression called to interview
UCrdld.
Yes, we had row, your Honor" she
said i'll the police court the other day
What caused it, "She said my hus-
band had run away from me, and | gave
her slap" "lou shouldn't have cared
for what she said But | couldn't help
| it, your Honor. When my husband has
been sent to the workhouse for three
months he hasn't run away, and I'll not
stand by and hear anyone traduce his
loving character. '-DCtrOU Free Press