Western cyclone., 1886-12-16
WIT AND HUNIOR.


assets "E Pluribus Unum"-won from
many.
Capital punishment-Being obliged
to sit with the girls, Burlington Free
Press.
a genius in Troy has just invented a
stove that saves three-quarters OF the
wood, while the ashes it makes pays for
the remainder. Budget
"Is the car about to striker" asks au
exchange What's the matter with
Alexander? Does he want two hours a
day and 10 per cent raise? e?"-FhsIG-
delphsa Call.
Look here, Joseph, Ihave been ring
ing an hour, and you've only just
come" We'll, if l hadn't been here
now you might have rung good while
longer. ."-Judge.
why are you going into that dry
goods shop when there are so many
pretty girls on the street?" my dear
boy, find counter attraction in there.
Boston Budget.
Whom shall our daughters marrvP'
asks the Woman's Journal Well, dear,
they might begin with man, and II he
don't answer they might try cigar
sign.-Jerseu city argus.
Al thought you were vegetarian.
and now l see you eating mutton! b
well, am only an indirect vege-
tarian-I eat the meat of such animals
only as live on vegetable food. ."-FEse-
gende Bidetter.
Young Physician-I assure you
shall be able to cure you completely in
a very short time, indeed, possibly in
day or two" Enamored Patient-"O,
there isn't the slightest hurry, assure
you" Harper'S Bazar.
A travelling man from the East sprung
the following conundrum ON Herald
reporter the other day= ''Why is
banana stand like the setting sum-"
Because the 'dago's' (day goes) with
it."-St. Joseph Herald.
"Graciousr' exclaimed rural lady
with surprised look at Bartholdi's big
statue, "and is that the Goddess of Lib
erty? Why, l had no idea that she was
so much bigger than the rest of us wo-
men. ."-N0rriSt0tcW Herald.
They were talking of the baby. Visit
or-I think he'll take after his father.
Grandmother-O, dear me! | hope not.
Visitor (astonisheO-Why not, Mrs.
Flighty? Grandmother-His father is
in Canada LoWeU Citizen.
Now, Johnny. you remember that
Lots wife was changed to pillar of
salt because she turned and looked back.
Why did she turn and look back?" 20,
l Is'pose some other woman passed her
with q new dress on. "--RanbIer.
Scrap of conversation between two
ladies overheard on suburban train
few mornings since: $50 George is at
Harvard now??" 80. yes; this is hts
second year, you known; he has just
entered the sycamore class. "-BOStOn
Record.
Candidate for Coroner Never mind.
wife, when l get elected my fees will
buy us all the comforts of life" Wife
but, John. suppose there are no
sudden deaths?" Candidate for Coroner
20, web, we won't look on the dark
side. - Bits.
Gallant passenger (to fellow-passen-
ger)-Will you please tell that woman
that she can have my seatp Woman
Gndignantly)-I am not a woman, sir;
| am lady. Gallant passenger (bland-
lO-Not woman? Excuse my mistake.
-fhtladeLphi0 Call
Sue Fitzpercy has large amount of
airy persihage," remarked the high
school girl. Have you noticed it,
Amy?" Il noticed she had tremen-
dOuS big hustle, Mildred, but [ didn't
know the dictionary word for it -
PittS6urg Chronicle Telegraph.
What have you been doing to-dayP"
asked young man of the idol of his
cardiac region. 1--we been watching
mother darn clothes" replied the lady,
and the young man went off and won
dered why her mother needed watching
darn close.-SGn Franc SEQ Aua.
An unexpected com.nent: Pastor
EN- l says again, brederin', put not
yoh trust in Kings!' Still small voice
in congregation-"Right yoh is, chile,
right yoh is. Aces is bettah. n dat's
de reason Use come te~ chu'ch wivout
no obercoat dis mawnin'. ."-Iid- Bits.
A Lynn clergyman relates that on one
occasion after marrying 4 couple an
envelope was handed 10 him which he
supposed, of course. contained the mar
rlage-fee. On opening it he found slip
OF paper Oh which was written: I'VE
desire your prayers. "-LyiSa' (MaS$)
Item.
Did you gain flesh by going to the
beach this year. Grantly'' Il did.
indeed, Brownley; gained 125 pounds"
"PShaw! Impossibler' Fact my
dear fellow. Come up to the house
and I'll introduce Won to her. We were
married last Sunday" - CharIesto,on
Enterprise.
I'VE propose having game supper
at our church next week, " exclaimed
splnster at the opera-house entertain
ment the other night; now. what kind
of game would vOu recommends"
We'll, if you wan. TO draw all the bows.
SUPPOSE YOu try vOEal.r - calmly ro.liad