The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-06-10
THE MERRY SIDEt

be OuSted-if he don't die OF OLD age nrSC.
If Canada goes to war with about a few
fish, oh, won't we knock the scales from her
eyes?
Columbus dispatches say there is to be "Re-
form in the Penitentiary." That's what it's
there for.
The Democrats say the action of the Ohio
run.
One thing the Washington gossips have not
told us yet. Did Maria get a bid TO the we'd
ding?
-.
There's q firm in Pittsburgh called "The
Black Diamond Steel Company" They must
keep coal Office.
Strawberries are SO plenty this season that
the boys must give up in disgust. They can't
raid half the patches.
The troop of "Turks' made it in six days from
here to Portsmouth, carrying with them all
their bears and dirt.
Herr Most has been sent to the Penitentiary.
He oughn't to have been-no he oughtn't to be
in the Penitentiary.
Inc nose mduuIdpIurorSln III ha
organized for protection. So you may expect
to see stocking higher yet.
They have hard work engaging Indians for
scouts against hostiles in the West. The scouts
are not ready to die.
The new potatoes of the future will be bought
by weight-weigh q pound of money and
pound of potatoes, and exchange.
There are two times when man should
pause and renect-when about to swear an
oath, or crack whip at a bulldog.
-
Boys who attend the Salvation meetings must
not think that the "silver offering" is only to
be given by gray-haired men.
There is such thing as delight in misery
the street m minstrel will sweetly smile while
inaicting the most horrid tortures.
The newspapers call the fleeing Democratic
Senators "squaw Senator'S" Oh, they slipped
away, then, to conceal their shame.
Talk kabout"greasing the wheels Of legislation"
Why, Congress has been quarreling. for weeks
over a bill taxing oleomargarlne.
s.s
Gov. Hill, of New York, was "too busy" to
attend Decoration Day ceremonies He didn't
want 10 view In0 WOrk OF MS party.
-
A spike-tail coat on bridegroom Cleveland
looks like waste of territory. 1t is like hold
ing sun umbrella over ten-acre field.
-
So, Mr.. Cleveland! You still have mind of
your own, have you? We've been married
long enough to know better.
frankie and Grover made striking appear
ha q WI the nraffv o.
men toys with the lion in the menagerie.
Three Germans at Canton, Iowa, got drunk
and laid down upon the railroad. The train
came thun iering along, but never woke two of
them up.
A man is generally safe when he has an ex-
alted opinion of himself. There's no danger of
his views conflicting with those Of anybody
else
A Washington paper says Joe Blackburn
talks with ga perpetual motion of the gutteral
valve" Suppose that the valve should get
broken, and the flow of CAB never stop. Horri-
BILE, horrible!
We see plainly, that despite the prayers of
anxious contemporaries, the editors of the
Piketon Tribune and Sun are losing their tenn
pers.
1t is the result of intelligent observation that
the man who boasts loudest that he is not
afraid of storms, will involuntarily dodge at
every flash of lightning.
*nH
Miss Folsom rode in a budoir car to meet her
expectant husband. Let us hope she will never
have to slip away from him in a ten-cent hack.
80
Theodore Thomas got five thousand dollars
for two weeks' singing in Cincinnati-and there
are thousands of men who will sing for nothing
until you want TO give him five thousand dol
lars to quit.
Of Democratic official out west, they said he
had "been gathered to his fathers" But, after
hanging the flags at half-mast, they found he
was not dead. That wasn't what they meant.
He had been sent to the Penitentiary.
The man who attacks brother in class
meeting, never convinces those present that
the brother is bad man. The speaker only
convinces them that he is an ass.
When the Dow Law goes into effect, the dog
gery-keeper promptly "quits" And those who
see him drawing "pop" out of beer-keg or
brandy-cask, know that he has quit.
An old citizen living in the suburbs objects to
ten far enough out to get away from them, now
keep them in townr' There's reason in the
remark, but no reason in keeping doggery
anywhere.
The Gazette gives portrait of
Cleveland standing up 10 be married. The
President looks hne. 1t is enough to make
every American heart swell with pride. He
looks like an extra heavy specimen of a Tees
water Bull.
"Open your mouth, son, and let the blessin |
come in % said good old man in Jackson |
some years ago to his son who was at the altar |
But the man roared and beloved until a |
cyclone could not have forced its way in,
against such an adverse blast.
'The chimneys of Thousand dwellings dot
the valley ~ said an enthusiastic land agent of
a western town. The purchaser of town lots
found 1T so-they were craw-fsh chimneys.
The Courier Journal says the Anarchist wo-
men who have come to this country "disdafn
he formalities of the marriage ceremony. awe
should think so! Hard to find a bridegroom
who would expect to get blown to kingdom
,ome the first time the old woman got mad.
-.
A Chicago manufacturer granted his men an
ght-hour Gay, because they struck on ten
hours. Then they demanded the ten-hour day
'ack again. He refused, and they struck for
en- hours. But the solution is easy-just pay
hem for ten hours, and let them work as long
8 they want to.
Democratic paper says that Senator Ingalls,
, SO venomous that the Democratic Senators .
ct out of his way, in disgust, when he goes to
peak. They treated Bob Kennedy the same
ray. The trouble is, when you tell the truth
bout Democracy, it sounds venomous.
good General always protects his line of
npplies. On the same principle we should not
ave around on Missionary work until the