The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-01-28
THE MERRY SIDE |

iron.
Senator Hopple, of Hamilton county, de
mands an Investigation. He packed his valis'
first.
The Eastern beef-markets are well supplied
now-thousands of cattle froze to death il
Texas.
At Cincidnati they arrested street minstrel
as lunatic. He was a little more crazy than
they usually are.
"Pickaway,'' in the Enquirer, says, "Leave
liar alone, and he will deceive himself" How
do you know?
Said skeptical man, "two saloons are bull
to one Church-what's the use of preaching p
He called jug building.
A Washington correspondent says Senator
Payne stands mute in the presence of his ac
cusers." Well, what would he say?
"Sunset Cox writes that the foreign service o
this country is sham," says an exchange
And he writes as Foreign Minister
"sF
Cleveland signed the Presidential succession
bill. He is now safe. No Democrat will evel
kill him to make Bayard President.
80
King Louis, of Bavaria has learned some
sense at last. He is going to marry a woman
with money enough to pay his debts.
1t is said that Bismarck has been cow erteo
to Roman Catholicism. It's a strong Church
that can convert an iron man.
They have a lady in GAINESVILLE who sis in
doubt as to her parentage." That's not remark
able, in this day and generation.
***
"Gentlemen, are you ready-one, two
said the referee at Southern duel. But one O.
word.
A daily paper says "Sam. Jones is raising the
Devil in Cincinnati" That's mistake. Sam
is robbing the Devil-every time he takes up 6
collection.
A Gallipolis liquor-dealer mourns the loss OF
keg of whisky, stolen from his ware-room
His only hope of revenge is that the thief drank
the liquor.
James W. Murray, q lawyer, died of deliriu N
tremens at Pittsburgh. We thought an ole
lawyer could wiggle out of anything-even
den of snakes.
Henry Murdoch of Georgia nearly went crazy
over the death of his wife. But he didn' It Kill
himself. He ran away with her fifteen-year
old sister.
Judge Thurman says he twill appear in pub
lie life as private" That's about as high as
man of hIs great ability ever gets. in the Demo
cratic party.
Judge Stallo, Minister to Italy, left a dinner
party in Rome because member of the Popei
household was present. The member remained
and ate his dinner.
If Halstead and John Mclean can't find on
something new about each other, they should
be still. They have already said everything
nasty that could be said.
-
1t may sound a little sarcastic, and the womer
may "kick,' but in Cincinnati abused wives
are to be protected by the Society for the Pre-
vention of Cruelty to Animals.
Not satisfied with convicting the Cincinnati
Democrats with forgery the Republicans, with
Democratic allies, are trying to con vict Senator
Payne of political grand-larceny.
George Glare, a school. teacher of North Bend
Neb., is said to be forger, a bigamist and a
horse thief. If he has any other recommends
tions we have not learnad them.
Sam. Jones says there is but one road for the
soul. You may take either end of it. But Sam
wouldn't object to the SOULS stopping by the
waysidc long enough 10 see menagerie.
A San Francisco doctor caught q young man
in his wifes room, and the newspapers say he
"shot the young man in his tracks," Can't say
whether the tracks were much hurt.
One of the pictures of industry in New York
last week was that of two Dutchmen spend
ing six hours a day playing chess, for the
of the world.
A doggery-keeper at Laketon, Ind, dragged
his wife away from the mourner's bench, and
cursed the whole Church. The Devil was his
best friend, and he wasn't going to have him
abused.
Nancy Pickle, of Vincennes, Ind, has sued
Will. H. Robinson for six thousand dollars, fol
breach of promise. In fooling with this sweet
Pickle, the poor fellow got gloriously sailed.
Edison is perfecting phonograph into which
you may talk and box your words up and put
them away for any length of time The ladies
can't the machine. The box is not big
enough.
The authorities at Columbus will add ZOO
logical department TO the city prison, which
will include pet monkey. The want of q
monkey in prison i'm plies that Columbus dudes
don't violate the law.
A man has brought suit for the possession OF
the ground on which stand the city building
and market house al Chillicothe. 1t is getting
TO be that town don't know whose land it is
sitting on any more.
The Ironton and Ashland papers are joking
about the floods caused by the Ohio River over
flowing its bed. Stop it, gentlemen-its a SLAM
der on the River. She's old enough to know
better.
The Gallipolis Bulletin says"if it wasn't for
the darzey vote, the Republican party would
be dead and skinned" And, dear Bro, if it
wasn't for the Democratic vote, where would
the Democratic party be?
aProf Reynolds couldn't mesmerize any of
the married men," says the Ironton Register.
OF course not-they have had their heads rub
bed harder, many time, than the Prof. would
dare undertake.
sDo you know. sir," )" said Brown, savagely, ad-
dressing his son, "that three men in Dinwiddie
county, Virginia, were frozen to death last
week, while going home in the night, from a
dance ?" But the young scamp only inquired
"What did they start home for?"
Small boy, reading paper.-"Pa, don't they
always elect the best men to Congress and the
Legislature?"
Parent.-"Certainly they do, what ever put
such question into your head p"
"Small boy.-'sOh, nothing-only 1 wondered
why they always had to appoint COMMITTEES
to investigate whether or not members stole
their seats"
Parent.-"Tut, tut, sonny! You're too inquis
Tive to make successful statesman J"