Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-07-01
SHORT OF CASH.

Phillip Gilbert Hammerton says: "Let
me observe to begin with, that although
the pursuit Of wealth is not favorable to
the intellectual life, the Inconvenience 'ot
poverty are even less favorable to il"
Let me observe, TO begin with right
you are, p. e. right you are
One sunday in London. it struck me
that it wouldn't be a bad idea to go down
To the Office on the Strand and finish VI
some correspondence that was long over
due. would be assisted by the quiet and
freedom from interruption that was Ger
tain of on that day. so about IL o'clock
went to the Hammersmith railway sta
ton and found it closed The London
railways are in the habit Of closing down
during church time although they run
enough trains the rest of the day to make
up for this spaSm of Sunday observance
had forgotten this freak on the part of
the railway people and 50 took bus in
stead.
II that railway station had been opened
this would not have been written. for the
price of return ticket was more than the
amount had in my pocket. would have
remembered that had left my purse in
the pocket | wore on week days, and
would have gone back for it.
Now, a seat beside the driver on a Ham
mersmith bus on a fine morning is some
thing not to be despised You go along
through kensington and past Hyde park
and into Piccadilly, and so to Charing
Cross and the city. Ii is about As interest
ing an hours ride as you can wish to have
Where for, SIR
"Charing Cross"
"SiXpence. please
'Sixpence, is it. and dived down into
my pocket and up came the nimble six
pence, That reticent coin, however. never
told me that all il left there was just two
pennies and one halfpenny. After the
silver piece had passed into the hands Of
the bus conductor We rolled merrlly
along, and had no idea that would soon
be called to face the pangs of direSt pOv-
erty.
wrote away in the Office until the be..s
tolled ;, and feeling the necessity for Il
square meal, went into cafe that was
generally crowded on week days. but was
almost empty on sunday | doft know
why | ordered such sumptuous dinner 90
probably because felt a certain satisfac-
tiOI at having dCCOlll l'Llsuc'l Solht WI n
that should have been done long before
but, be that rs it may-l ordered a blow
the-eXpense" dinner. and only felt sorry
that had no genial friend with me TO
share it.
When the waiter brought me the bill |
glanced at it and put my hand down the
truuser pocket, and ON the right. Net re
suit, 2l.d searched all my pockets in
the vain hope that they might yield the
unexpected cash that careless man
leaves around his clothes. Net result
same old tuppence ha'penny.
Waiter, would have the kindness to
ask the proprietor to step this way"
Proprietor, SIR Yessir, certainly. sir.
Nothing wrong 'ope, sir,"
Nothing whatever. Merely wish To
express my qualification"
The proprietor came up smiling and
rubbing his hands one over the other.
Now | particularly distrust a man who
smiles and rubs his hands, and | said to
myself I'm going 20 have trouble with
this man"
Good afternoon. l wanted 20 say to
you that rarely have enjoyed a dinner as
wei at the one have just finished
Il am very glad you are satisfied, sir.
We try to please our customers, sir. Hope
you will come again, sir
AS things look at present rather think
III have to. But what l wanted to see
you particularly for was-I hope I'm not
OBTAINING you too long
-Oh, not at all, sir-not at all Sundays
a very light day with us, sir"
Then that's all right. Well, as l was
I thnl,frby ia trt a oh n,
if you had the time"
"A chestnut, sir:'
Yes. in America we call an old story
or an old joke a chestnut. Whenever an
enemy gets off what he thinks good joke
we simply remark Chestnut, and that
crushes him"
All | see, sir; very good, sir
We'll, this chestnut, you've perhaps
heard before Everybody has in America.
A fellow put up at a first-cla hotel. or
dered fine dinner and the best of wine.
Having dined exceeding we'll he called for
the landlord Landlord, he said, i sup
pose lots of dead beats come 10 your
house,
Well, a few
What do you do when you find man
has no moneys dead beat, il fact:'
~'Do' Why / kick him out
AT this the guest rose. went to the door
and looking over his shoulder at the land
lord said:
Kick
at was few moments before the land
lord comprehended that the fellow had
no money, but when the fact was clear he
vigorously kicked him into the middle of
the street
Very good, cried the cafe proprietor
Very good, indeed never heard that
story before"
~Oh, that's not all the story. Six months
after the fellow appeared at the same
hotel
Don't you remember kicking me out''
he said to the landlord. Well, that's all
right | don't bear any grudge Made
$1,000 since then. Come, you shall dine
with me this time. | dined at your expense
last time
so they had a grand dinner and the best
champagne in the house. The landlord
apologiZed several times for his former
rudeness, but the traveller insisted he did
just right-wOuld have done the same
himself under the circumstances. Finally,
a. the last bottle was drained, he said To
the landlord:
Hope you enjoyed your dinner
"'Oh, immensely
"'All right. then. Kick again
That's the end. Beat him twice, you
see Now, that's where he had the ad-
vantage of me. | have merely got ahead
of you to the extent of one dinner"
"Hows that, sir"
What do you do with fellow who
cant pay,'
Give him in charge Of the police" said
the proprietor, eyeing me severely.
The chestnut WAS beginning to work on
him.
Then he has to do any kicking that's
done himself Well, | haven't the money
to pay for this meal Will you trust me
until this time to morrow"
| expected there would be fuss, but
there wasn't Ipresume the native hon
esty stamped indeliOly on my face told
him he would lose nothing. felt very
grateful to him and we had glass OF
champagne on it on Monday.
went back TO the Office and worked till
nightfall had dined so well that
thought | would never be hungry again.