Daily Republican., 1886-08-03

a sound sleeper-One who shores.
A horse frequently wins q race OF
the spur OF the moment.
Money lender. take more interest If
business than any other class of men
Vassar girls are said to be so modes
that they will not work on improper
fractions.
"Grover, dear, will YOU alwav,
prove kind husband to me?" Eyes,
frankie; also kind father"
A whip makes the horse 60, "money
makes the mare CO." and green
muskmelon, picked, makes mango
II aim to tell the truth" "Yes ),
interrupted an acquaintance, s'but YOU
are very bad shot"
MIR. Cleveland doesn't know how tn
play second fiddle, but he handles the
glt-thar with unanimous success.
Committeeman-"What animal is
is the most capable of attaching itself
to man" Head of the cass9s'The
leech, sir"
Husband-"That fence wants paint.
ing badly; think I'll do it myself !"
Wiie-"4es, do it yourself if you
think it wants to be done badly.
speak of mans marble brow. and
he will glow with conscious pride Int
allude to his wooden head, and he's
mad in minute.
1t is about time for somebody
among the back seats to rise up and re-.
mark that the mosquito bar, like the
campaign lie, is made out of hole
cloth.
"Ah," said Jehokus, taking his
friends baby, she has got his mo-
Tiers eyes and my hair" he added,
as the infant prodigy grabbed him by
the foretop.
MY dear" he said, "what is the
difference between ingenious and in
genuous?' The difference between II
and i, my love-" she replied, and he
scratched his head for diagram
81 am coming by and by, you will
hear my plaintive cry in accents mild
and gentle as lamb. I'm not com
ing on frolic, but to give small bows
the collie, sing hey! the small green
apple that l am"
"Hew is this, son-in law; you went
TO the ball last night and here it is
scarcely two months since you lost
your wife?" | acknowledge it NV
lear mamma; but then, you know, |
lance so sadly"
Old Strictum-"See here what makes
you so late this morningW Office bow
=! had to get my hair cut. Strictum
-"Well, you could have sent some
me else to attend to that. Don't let il
occur again"
Fond mother Ito bachelor unele)-
why, John, don't let the baby play
With that good tooth pick. He'll swaI-
ow it," Bachelor uncle-"Oh, that
won't do any harm. | have string
led to it, so l can'tlo Sc it,"
A St. Louis dealer advertises: 81
I'm selling fine corkscrews in mems
,ants So" Unless there is q loaded
Task in the hip pocket the inducement
II fine corkscrew in the pants will
lot capture many purchasers.
Customer-'I say, Mr.. Barber, |
lon't hear your tciss rs at work on
ny hair: - Barber-''The;e is very
title hair on your head" Customer
-"Makes no difference. l pay you
money and want you to rattle the |
cissors on the bald place Just the same
$ if it had hair on it."
Eastern young lady to Western
Dung man-"We were disappointed
n not getting cards to your sisters
Wedding. Mr.. Breezy. Were there
o cards?' weller, sister didn't |
lay any, but some of us had q little
wo dollar game after the minister got
way"
An express train stopped at Pitts
eld few days ago to let passenger
ct Off for a minute and kiss his wife,
Tho happened to be in that town. As
ing as no train is permitted to stop
order to let a man kiss another fell
WIS wife, surely no fault can be
'und with a railroads management
II this sort of thing.
Hostess Sunday morning in Wash
lgton)-"ls there any particular
linister you would like to hear preach,
enelope ?" Penelope Visiting from
oston) well. if you don't mind,
unite, / think | would like to hear
ne of the foreign ministers am
ute proficient in languages you
now
A jealous Newport woman few
ghts ago went through the pockets
her husband while he was in bed
ileep, expecting to find love letter
ON another woman; but, instead,
aiding an old pocket knife, a dime,
70 nails and dun for house rent,
e went back to bed and imprinted .
IS ON his calmly sleeping forehead. ]
A Scotch clergyman remarked to
lie of his flock that he heard he was
'out to be married for the third time.
he reverend gentleman added.
They say, John, you're getting !,
oney with her. You did so on the ,
1t two occasions. You'll get quite !.
III by the wives.' "'Deed, SIR" !
ietly responded John, "what wi j
ingin' them in and putin them out |
ere's nae muckle made O them sir" a
At dinner party last winter the
oil weather had done considerable
ty in supplying conversation, when @
plump, happy looking married lady