Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-06-09
NEWSPAPER WIT.

river all day with bated breath and
never caught thing. '-Ramb7er.
"ANoTHER National Calamity" is
| the title of an article in an exchange.
We shall not read it. 1t either refers
| to JEFF Davis or to the fact that Mar
tin Irons proposes to lecture.-Norris-
Gown Herald.
"THE doctor said he'd put me on my
didn't he do it 2" "He did, indeed. [
had to sell my horse and buggy to foot
his bill. '-Texas Siftings.
A BoYcoTTED Santa Rosa fruit seller
announces: "Buy my berries, all
grown by Chinese. Ii you are Ameri-
cans and have sand in your makeup,
buy of me. One dollar box to boy
cotters, 80 cents to others "-San
Francisco Bulletin.
| PRIsONER-"He said he didn't be-
lieve in the eight-hour system, your
honor, and so struck him" Magis-
trate-sYou want eight hours, do
youW Prisoner-"Yes, your honor"
Magistrate-"I can do better than that
for you. ''I'll give you ninety days."
New York Sun.
"YoU need not clean up the sitting
room to-day, Mary" said little boy
to his sister, as he started to school.
why, George; what on earth do you
meant "Well, cause / heard pa tell
ma that if your young man came here
tonight, he'd wipe the floor with him."
-S0uthern Industry.
'DID you hear about the catastrophe
down at the Smiths last night" 'No;
| xxyh of h (gNTLr,
gave the baby bottle to play with,
and while she was in the kitchen it
fell out of the cradle and broke it's
neck" "What, the baby?" "No,
the bottle"
JONES dropped cent into his glass
OF beer and quizzically asked a tenn
| perance man what he saw in the bot
tom. ''The police station, young
man." responded hecold water crank,
solemnly; ''the police station" "Right
you are, my boy" said Jones. 81 can
see a copper myself '-LoweH Citizen.
"PAPA," said a delicate looking
Connecticut Avenue belle, "give me $50
in small bills" "Good gracious, child
What do you want with all that
money!" 'sThe doctor said I must
have it, papa" "But, my child, I
always pay the Doctor" eyes, papa;
but he said need change" Washing
| ton Critic.
THREE weeks ago an Indiana man
taught his dog, a very finely bred,
well-behaved setter, to chew tobacco.
Now the dog comes into the house by
the back door, never scrapes his feet
on the mat, never goes to church, is
careless at his meals, CESS burrs in his
tail, goes with a lower grade OF dogs,
and it is feared that he is beginning to
take an interest in politics. Burdette.
"JoHN," said Mrs. Smith, s'this is
your birthday. isn't it?" eyes, my
dear" swell, I have a birthday pres
emit for you. See here" GA pair of
opera glasses How thoughtful of
you, my DEAR" eyes, you see, John,
they will save you from becoming
bald headed" .'How, my dear?5
"You can see the performance without
sitting in the front ow."-Puck.
"YoU are fishing with persistence,
said q gentleman to an urchin who
had thrashed g. stream without ap-
parent reward whole afternoon.
''Oh, no, sir, only jest angle worms"
replied the youth pleasantly. s'I
mean you have good deal Of perse-
| verance," explained the other. "No.
| thenn's suckers; guess ye amt never
livid in these parts, hev YEP" The
boy was not a little disgusted by the
strangers ignorance.-BiDghampton
Republican.
| Young FEATHERLY was guest at
4 Sunday 1ipnor oy,1 r,oo bo
amused because Bobby complained of
''The weather is rather cold for ice
cream, Bobby" he said. ,'Ice cream
is only good when the weatheris hot"
"You like it in cold weather." grunted
Bobby. "Oh, no, don't" "Well,"
said Bobby, aS if dismissing the sub
ject, call I know is that sister Clara
says it's cold day when you buy any.
Ma, can't [ have another piece of
| pie ?"-Merchant Traveller.
MRS. HoBsoN-Now, you and Bobby
must stay to luncheon, Mrs. Hend-
ricks. 1t will be announced in a very
| short time. Mrs. Hendricks Really,
Mrs. Hobson, you are very kir1, but
| I couldn't think of it. We shall be ex-
pected at home, and-er-I ought to
have gone long before this; but [ had
no idea that it was so late, and Bobby
has a cold. Bobby (anxious to
stay)-My cold is a good deal better,
ma, and besides you told the cook not
to get any lunch for us, because we
wouldn't be home to eat it.-New
| York Times.
A YOUNG man had been arrested for
kissing pretty girl and she was on
the witness stand. "You say" said
the attorney for the defendent, 'that
the young man kissed you against
your will 2" eyes, he did, and he did
it a dozen times, too.'' well, now,
is it not true that you also kissed him
during the affray?" Objected TO- OBJ
lection overruled. "Eow, answer my
question:" continued the attorney.
Ibid you not kiss the defendant al
so?" eyes, I did," replied the wit
ness Indignantly, "but it was in SELF
| defense" Case dismissed Washing-