Beverly banner. [volume] (Beverly, N.J.) 1877-1964, 1886-07-31
VARIETIES.
A milk punch-A kick from a

lyon find you cannot succeed
succumb.
Keep the weeds down and your SUBJ
scription up.
Are the dead leaves the result of the
trees shooting2
A handful of trade is equal to
handful of gold.
| "You break me all up, said the po-
tatoes to the masher.
A summer resort Borrowing ones
neighbours lawn mower.
One smile for the living is worth a
dozen tears for the dead.
A cyclone is like waiter. Ii car.
ries everything before it.
The man in the moon is never talk.
ed to death by barber.
The weakest fancy shown at the
fonndling asylum Infancy.
What man is deficient of in sense he
usually makes upin mulishness.
Why is an umbrella like Yesterday
Because once gone it never returns.
The halter becomes a power in pol-
titles when he make his influence felt.
Why are the ears like regimental
bands? Because they have drums in
them.
1t is singular contradiction that
when the mosquito visits you he stays
to hum.
You may dodge an elephant, but
you can't get away from the pestifer-
Gus fly.
Tickled by a straw-A woman with
a new bonnet, or man with sherry
cobbler.
A night of labor walking the floor
on a winters night with "kid" in
your arms.
The dolt who goes to sleep over his
lessons is sometimes spoken of as a
mapped scholar.
When woman wants to drive a
hen she shakes her dress at it. Cloth
Shoes, as it we're.
If these professional glass eaters are
not more careful they will soon have
panes in their stomachs.
Those merchants who encourage
your home paper should have the pre-
ference when you go shopping.
A snail travels seventy inches an
hour. A messenger boy sent on
hasty errsnd goes almost as fast.
A dark subject: A dark man down
dark cellar, with black eye and
dark lantern looking for black cat.
When man says: II feel like
fish out of water we know just how
he feels. He feels dry and wants 'em
"set up"
Ofall the labor agitations the most
severe is that observed in the tramp
when some one asks to saw few sticks
of wood
The mosquitoes are SO large in
certain town on Long Island that a
bald-headed resident keeps them off in
church by wearing base ball catch
| er's mask.
Time never tells so perceptibly upon
u man as when he gets in at o'clock
in the morning and the alarm clock
happe..s to 90 off and wakes his wife.
"Why we do not drink" is the head
of all editorial in an exchange, We
have not read il, but suppose the rea-
son to be that nobody said anything.
III yea are homely roassfle yourself
by thinking that there is one time
when you are the best looking man in
the crowd That is when you are
alone
1t is entirely unfair for man to
sneer at woman's inability to under
stand a base ball game until he has
proven his own ability to grapple with
the mysteries of crazy quilt.social.
The country is now spending more
than 81 100000 IL year for base ball.
Will somebody please prepare chart
showing how this compares with the
amounts spent for beer and education.
A German at hotel table the 9TH
err day had some Limberger cheese
sent to him. A little boy who sat be-
side him turned to his mother and ex-
claimed Mamma, how / wish / was
deaf and dumb in nay nose!"
The Bay Dag~ of the girl of the are
small, tapering and beautifully shaped;
as beautiful as the :, and she is
without her her frown is a +, and
her figure exeites ! Of surprise, and
a hankering - her.-Papef and
Press.
An exchange says "The editor of
this paper is the possessor Of a hog"
So we have--severaI of them. Their
names are on our subscription book.
and they have taken the paper for the
last three or four years and have
never paid cent
"And are you glad to see me, Bob
by p asked the Bishop, on his semi
annual visit to the parish.
"Oh, yes said Bobby, 'cause We al
ways have good dinner when you
come. But I didn't expect you"
"No?s
"No. ! thought you'd go some
where else, cause ma said yesterday
that it was about time some other
member of the church could afford to
entertain you"
| Prof. Chas. P. Williams Phi, ID Of
| philnd.Inhin aaua there Il naiihHf NOR.