davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-07-23
HUMOROUS.
Az carly rser. -The aiarm clock

A dr;nl fo,. tho s;cl ,..1 ,..
r,...,.,
,;l "''' " '' '0'' anu SPih--lh bicycle
an Nv. i''' ''a' "",''.' q'''''o'- " nat
49,.
u! = 'ner' nothing nike Ieather' B :
''''' III Is 'n' sole support OF man.
a Kansas cyclone is spoken Of which
""' ~ ,ef''''c IN its Jury 'h"t 1t blew all
'''' N'l No'eS out oi inc doors
ut is cold day when I get left" re.
marked the flannel suit when it was
'''''''' "' at 'He Pa"HOroNerS.
There Is in New Guinea an electrical
tree which knocks down any man who
touches 1t. The woodman spares that
tree.
a cynical old bachelor says: "Tdcag
are like boards; men only get them when
they are grown up, END women never
have any.
"For a vouno woman 10 hogi, - hrrg,,
the dust Off young mans coat, Is said
to be the first symptom that the Young
man is in peril
The Gjrton Corloro oirIs bo,.o or,,a
lied a society for fine nrotoction Of L;rJs
The lark. Of n,a ro'n,. ...,..I...o,, ,..;I,
receive their FIRST attention
op.no y soid l;.e e
point no 70 . tnrl.o, o,,i D,o ...; ssai ~
around in = priabnor,. ,orJ ..a;,,t 9;,4'.lnE n.t
redposcd chicken ,o+ an o,rf,,i ', h;
bustIep
ritto oiri ,ro. a;..:.. -,
nositc a aontlan,an mitr ',s ,.a.a@ 'l'',o ol'-
tacbc After a,,ino a H. IT, .a,,o,o,
moments she exclaimed .1Jv Xiv Las
cot wbiskcrs tooD
Tiobtnino struck bou n,horo .o,,,o g
Wagner's music was beine, rendered and
the leader Of the orchestra merely mo-
toned to the man at the bio drum to Inf
it more gently the next time
NV, ~ w Inc
"ny' rIanNF, exclaimed a mother at
,i-' o'''i'''''i 'o''oinS mouse, never
~" :" - @sN io' " Secono piece o. pl9
~ p,I .0ll''' N"o" '~"n no use 'alo
1't; : la"N'' 80 "0 po''''o' win ms PIE
''5l"3
''''''o'y Unfair ior q man 70 sneer
"T'''''' 'i''o"'yy 10 understand a
'o'eO'" ~. S''''' "u'', "c has proven MS
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-07-23
PORT TOBACCO, MARYLAND, July %. 1886.
The Highway Cow,

NVWh
The hue Of her hide was dusky brown,
He body was lean and her neck was slim,
One horn was turned up and the other turned
down,
She was keen of vision and long Of limb,
With a Roman nose and short stump tail,
And ribs like the hoops OF home made pail
Many mark did her body bear;
She had been a target fof all things known.
On many scar the dusly hair
Would grow no more where it once had
grown;
Many passionate, parting shot
Had left on her lasting spot
Many and many well l-aimed stone.
Many bricllbat of good size,
And many a cudgel swiftly thrown
Had brought the tears to her loving eyes,
Or had bounded off from her bony back
With noise like the sound of rifle crack.
Many a day had She passed in the pound
For helping herself to her neighbors corn;
Many a cowar lly cur and hound
Had been transfxed on her crumpled horn I,
Many teapot and old tin pail
Had the farmer boys tied to her timeworn
tail.
Old Deacon Gray was very good oil man,
Though somewhat temp ed to be profane
When many q W, airy mile he ran
To drive her out of the growing grain;
Sharp were the pranks she used to play
To get her fill and get away.
She knew when tha deacon went to town;
She watched him wisely as he went by;
He never passed her without frown
And an angry gleam in each angry eye;
He would crack his whip in a surly way,
And drive along in his one hoss shay.
Then at his homestead she loved to call,
Lifting his bars with crumpled horn,
Nimbly scaling the garden wall.
Helping hers.lf to his standing corn.
Eating his cabbages one by one,
Hurrying home when her work was done
His human passions were quick to rise,
And striding forth with savage cry,
With fury blazing from both his eyes,
As lightnings flash from the summer skv:
Redder and redder his face would grow,
And after the creature he would 60.
Over the garden, round and round,
Breaking his pear and apple trees,
Tramplmg his melons into the ground,
Overturning his hive of bees,
Leaving him angry and badly stung,
Wishing the old cows neck was wrung.
The moses grew on the garden wall,
The years went by with their work and
play,
The boys in the village grew strong and tall
And the gray-haired farmers passed away,
One by one as the red leaves fall;
But the highway COW outlived them all
Chicago Ledger.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-07-23
A Trains Fast Trln-

Lew Silence is one of the veteran ma,
senger conductors on the New York di
vision Of the Pennsylvania railroad Il,
runs the 7.3O o'clock train from Pbila.
delphia to New York every morning
The other day he pulled a little note
book out of his pocket and, turning tc
June 10, said:
made that memorandum six vo,rs
ago. That was the fastest run cvcr ,rodo
on the New York division of the penn
sylvania railroad from Philadelphia ia
New York-uincty-two mile, in n;rot.
three minutes The train made tbr.c
stops and seven slow-ups There va,
only one car and an engine. The c,r
was filled with passenger from the W.st
and ran the train There had bacn y
storm up in the State the niabt before
and on the middle division Of tbo ,noi,
line. between Harrisburg and AItoo,, o.
big tree blew across the track thi,L
q. - =: Az Touiet,.,
u was IN 'n0 noG,7'on ;., naFro"' The fast
l'ne' as ,n1 'l~ii was called was four
hours anu .,j.,l .,i'iyy oi. minutes late when
II got 10 H'ia1o,p''a s1 so' orders to
take 'nos9 'o'a.ls''' 10 New York as
quick as an ens"i' VOula Pull a car The
Whoio I0ao ,''. |ho ,,,ot ai'u 'oT my train We
" went 50 is'' .I 'I"' '''G5raPh poles looked
,iNo 'oOSl IA alo houses lhe soap
poAcs' Ouo vas made IN lOrty-siX /
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-07-23

Lie's Magnet.

NOT that | love life's troubles and chagrins
DO SO cling unto thi, mortal sphere.
But have friends that arc to me So dear
Alooi from them death cen in life begins
Oh | would have my loved ones ever near,
Where can see their faces, hear their
speech.
Nor harsher penance for my earthly sins
Than endless severance could our pulpits
teach
Else could oft, hard battling in the world
Welcome, yea crave for, deaths everlasting
truce:
Feloi tosoe the hostile banners frrled,
hy weapons h..len and no more of use:
And Ile down calmly in my hual tent,
SAFE from tine 7trifes That once my spiritrent.
-Il"ior UdIt1ts IN He Current
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-07-23
n. cnIlar as a Story Reader.

ur Colfax was an omnivorious reader
,aoyel, and stories. Good, bad, aud
,.5iferent. he read them all 81 never
4 one SO worthless but | found some
,,d thought in it, he said. This
',ore reading was not confined to books,
!. ,be Seaside and Lowell libraries, and
y. ,bc serials in magazines lie rarely
a;cked up a country newspaper that he
bdnot turn TO the story page. If the
.torvcamo up to his ideal he cut it out,
nrote the credit if original in the paper
from which he clipped it, and brought it
home. We now have scores Of such
.tort stories lie brought us and have
oriotcd hundreds Of them in the TJ.j5uae
Il the past dozen years. "Short,
.ketchy Stories he often said, are the
Great need Of journalism, and, with
ne instinct q an old journalist his eyes
were ever in search Of them. South
Be4a lhdl 1rita,e
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-07-23
Nothing to Say.

SMITH say, Brown, what is your
opinion Of DR.. Pellet as a physician1
Brown i would rather not say,
Smith. may be prciudiced against
him, and I wouldn't like to do the fellow
any injustice.
Smith-Then you have employed him
professionally
Brown--No; but 4 rich old aunt of
mine did.
Smith-Cured her supposed
Brownies. -Ne0 York SIN.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-07-23
It's Various Uses.

"John, DEAR" she said, yesterday l
covered your bootiack with silk plush
and painted some flowers on it, and it is
perfectly lovely. You will be delighted
when you see it know"
'Tve seen it, " said John.
''You have; whenl"
'Last night. threw it az cat. =
Neao York Sun.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-07-23
STORY OF SILENT JOE

In the year 1867 young man named
Charles Miller left Hartford, Conn, for
the west. At Buffalo he fell in with
man calling himself Henry Dawson, and
the two travelled to Chicago together.
Miller had about $500 in cash with him,
while Dawson had only a few shillings
leit when they reached Chicago. The
iormer intended going to Colorado,
while the latter, who said ne was a
butcher, decided to remain in Chicago
and work at his trade for a time. They
took quarters together in cheap hotel,
and, to further reduce expenses they oc-
cupied one bed
On the night before Miller was to leave
for the far west, and as they were about
ready to go to bed, he took out and
counted his money He had $500. 80
and, knowing that his companion had
but dollar OF two, he handed him a $40
bill.
81 won't take it from you except as a
loan, " said Dawson.
"That's all right replied Miller. q
shall write you, and whenever you can
spare it you may send it along"
'But you don't know me; we have
been together only few days"
81 can tell a square man on sight. Put
this in your wallet"
While Miller was rolling up his money
Dawson got up and passed behind him.
All of a sudden Miller lost consciousness.
In the summer of 1869 the writer was
one of the inhabitants of mining camp
on the Purgatory River in southern
Colorado. One day tenderfoot reached
our camp. lie was a veritable scarecrow
in general appearance. He hadn't a
shilling in money nor an ounce of outfit,
and when we came to question him it
was discovered that he was only "half
baked" He gave his name as Joe, but
he had nothing else to tell When asked
what his other name was, where he came
from, how he reached US, &c, he looked
from face to face in vacant way and
shook his head. We were not the kind
of men to turn chap like that loose to
be scalped by the Indians or to perish
of starvation. We made him wash up,
put on the garments we contributed, and
after he had got square meal he looked
and acted like different man.
One of my two terminates was an old
surgeon from Ohio, and as we had roomy
quarters, he suggested that we take Joe
in. The suggestion was adopted, and
he was installed as cook and laundry
man. He was very willing hand, and
when his work at the house was finished
he stood ready to help us at the mine,
80 far as speech went, we got no more
out of him after month than on the
first day. He called every meal supper.
He called every article of W sh a SHIRT.
Every day in the week was Wednes lay
to him. could say to him, "Here, Joe,
fetch pail of water, and he would take
the pail and hurry away, but if l sail,
"Now, Joe, what State do you hail
from ~ he would stand and stare at me
with open mouth. The miners played
many joke on him, and some of them
were pretty rough ones, but no one ever
saw him get angry. When we found
that he would not answer questions put
to him verbally, we tried him in writing
If, for instance, we wrote the query;
"Wh re do you live2" he would take the
pencil, as if about to reply, but before he
could make mark the idea would sup !
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-07-23
AYERS
Hair VigOr

restores, with the gloss and freshness of
youth, faded or gray hair to a natural, rich
brown color, or deep black, as may be desired.
BY its use light or red hair may be darkened,
thin hair thckened, and badness often,
though not always, cured.
1t checks falling of the hair, and stimu-
lates weak and sckly growth to vigor 1t
prevents and cures scurf and dandrutf, and
heals nearly every disease peculiar to the
scalp. As Ladies' Hair Dressing, the
ViGoR is unequalled; it contains neither oil
nor dye, renders the hair soft, glossy, and
silken in appearance, and imparts a delicate,
agreeable, and lasting perfume.
MR. c. P. BRIcHER writes from Kirby. o..
JHig 3, 1852 " Last fall my hair commenced
falling out, and i'll n short time ! became
nearly bald. | used part of q bottle OF
AYERS HAIR NIG0R, which stopped the fall
ing of the hair, and started new growth. |
have now full head of hair growing vigor-
ously, and am convinced that but for the
use of your preparation | should have been
entirely bald"
J. W. Bowen proprietor of the Mc.4rthur
(OhiO) Enquirer, says LAYERS HAIR NIGOR
is a most excellent preparation for the hair
| speak of it from my own experience Its
use promotes the growth of new lair, and
makes it glossy and soft. The NIGOR is also
a sure cure for dandruif. Not within my
knowledge has the preparation ever failed
to give entire satisfaction"
Mr.. ANGUS FAIRBAIRN, leader of the
celebrated " Fairbarn Family" of Scottish
Vocaists. writes from Boston, Mass, FEB. 6,
1850 Ever since my hair began to give sill
very evidence of the change which tleeting
time procureth, | have used AYERS HAIR
VIGoR, and SO have been able to maintain
an appearance of youthfulness "a matter of
considerable consequence to ministers, ora
tors, actors. and in fact every one who lives
in the eyes of the public"
Mrs. o. A. PRESCOTT, writing from Is Elm
81. Chqr{eSt0rH, Mass, ADriJ II, 1882, saws:
1.-Two years ago about two-thirds of my hair
came off. 1t thinned very rapidly, and was
fast growing bald. On using AYERS HAIR
VIGoR the falling stopped and new growth
commenced, and in about a month my head
was completely covered with short hair 1t
has continu ed to grow, and is now as geod as
before it fell. l regularly used but one bottle
of the VIGoR, but now use it occasionally as
a dressing"
We have hundreds of similar testimonials
to the efficacy of AYERS HAIR VIGoR. II
needs but a trial to convince the most skepti.
cal of its value.
PREPARED BY
DR.. C. .Ayer& & Co., Lowell, Mass.
Sold by all Druggists,
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-07-23
Keenlng Abreast Of the MnrL0t

Possible Customer-What does first.
class funeral co t. Mr.. Layemout2
Mr.. LayenOut (undertakeD - Why,
none of your family are dead, are theyi
P. o.-No' not yet; but the old lady
has bought kerosene stove, Johnny's
got new bicycle, and my oldest
daughter is keeping company with a
Pittsburg dude who carries a hair-trigger
pistol. It's sell enough to keep abreast
of the market'-Judgs.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-07-23
Anew the Climate.

was brought into the Police Court
s ~ f.a, morning and arraigncd on charge
u .,.t 'Iuerly conduct. 1t was the hot.
i, NH s'gl1'ns aaa Of the summer. Judge and
arrs' 1,r.a oF0ws and gasped for breath.
AVN ~ Daniel ?" queried his Honor.
,E s'll' sir, I suppose did i il" .'''''''
~. " !. can't expect me to let YOU off
wD,k w. 4ne' ,aae , You were here only two
DO ne, ~, 1n,. | can't. But hope you will
! Eaat's that, Daniel 3n
.i,rTe fsaa me to Siberia for three months,
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-07-23

1t is estimated that when the Lick
elescope shall be finished and set in
position it will have cost $l64, $50. The
observatory dome will cost $50, $50, the
Mounting $40, 900, the visual objective
s53, 600, and the cost of the Photographic
objective will be $13, 600.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-07-23

,..,T - ,9'eryant writer says that few mon
,bsald off,, - ., 20 with their hands. They
u'' them to some nice girl.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1886-03-11
on GRANT.

Gen. Sherman, III his famous letter
to Col. Scott. dated Sept. 6, 1885,
referring to the ability of two we'll
known Generals of the late war,
took occasion to say:
Had C. F. Smith lived Grant
would have disappeared to history
after Donelson."
General Smith himself, in speaking
of Gen. Grant, made the prediction
that:
IF the jealousy and envy of 9th
rs do not crush him in the near
future, he will make his mark high
up as Il soldier
Gen. Smiths opinion wa that Gen.
Ha.leck was jealous of Gen. Grant,
and sought to humiliate him in every
way possible, and that his arrest and
detention at Fort Henry we're due to
tins. This opinion was ]concurred i'll
by his associates and the army gen
orally. The same General, speaking
of Sherman, whose military proves,
he admired, said:
AS soon as Sherman gets some OF
the crazy blood let out OF him, hs
will make a splendid officer and q
successful General. If anything
happens me, seek an appointment OF
his staff, and you will see all the
lighting you want
Our reason for referring to thi,
matter will be made obvious by read
ing the article headed Grant" OF
the first page of this paper. While
the article in question is a readable
one, we cannot endorse it in it.
entirety. Grant may or may no
have been a ''waif of circumstances :
he was considered a great General
Again, we wish to say we are no
responsible for the views Ct u cor
respondents.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1886-03-11
UNION ITEMS.

Correspondence of the Ledger.
UNION, Mo, March9.-W. II. Mcintyre
has rented the Burhop farm for the en-
suing year.
Miss Jennie Atkins, of Prairie View
n~eighborhood, WIS visiting her brother
John last week.
The remains of Mr.. George Burhop, an
old and honored citizen, were inferred in
the old Byrn> cemetery last Sunday with
Masonic honors.
Union lyceum gained another victory
last Thursday night over Washington
on the foreign immigration question.
This is the third joint debate Union has
had and came out victorious every time,
Surely we are hard to down.
Farmers are making preparations for
sowing oats and blowing for corn. Con-
siderable corn and oats will be put In In
this vicinity this season.
There will be Il joint debate between
Union and Washington next Thursday
night. Question, Resolved, That Intern
perance is Il Greater Evil Than War
Washington takes the affirmative aLC
Union the negative.
We notice in the Nteiigencer that Z. E
Smith is kicking about the joint debate
between Liberty and Union on Jan. 7th
He says that Liberty gained the question
and not Union, as was stated. 1t is need
less for Us to dispute this for Smith him
self knows it is untrue. He (Smith) wa
the matt speaker and he was defeate,
and now after two mouths lave passe,
he comes up and kicks about it. If h
thinks it was not fair just come over an
We will do you up again. Who.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1886-03-11
RUSH HtLL RACKET.


correspondence Ut the Ledger,
Rusu HIM, March a.-Mf, Jas, Shove,
of Green county, Ill, has moved 10 the
farm W. miles north OF town, owned by
Measrs, L4kenan i Barnes. John Foley,
OF the same county, has located On the
adjoining farm, known a. the DUTY farm,
now owned by MIR. Harper, OF Mexico.
Many others whose names we have not
learned have located III and arunnd Rush
Hill. All the farms III this vicinity for
rent have been taken and inquiries are
made nearly every day for more.
Many familiar FACES from Mexico were
here last week dack hunting. They re-
port the duck very wild and propose To
return next week with decoy ducks and
nsh hooks baited, when they think they
will capture them.
The coal company is pushing tie work
of sinking the shaft. IL has been ii very
tedious Job ON account of the thickness NJ
the rock They have already gone fifty
feet through solid rock.
Miss NJ. j White lcctured here Friday
night on temperance. Notwithstanding
the ~inclemency of the weather the school
house was we'll tlllrd and good order pre-
vailed. All present pronounce the lee
ture Il good one.
J. L. JohuSon is putting up An addition
to his house on his farm, II and one.
half miles north of town. b. Underwood
has the lumber OF the ground to put up
house on his farm, about SIX miles nortl
of town, AS soon as the weather permits
Mr.. Underwood intends building u parl
and many other improvements to beauiif,
his place. He has two deer and intend
to procure other animals, fowls, etc.
MIypAu.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1886-03-11
SLEEPY HOLLOW ITEMS.

Correspondence nf the Ledger.
SLEEPY Hollow, March 7,-There il a
heavy demand for hay,
Miss Helen Johnston, of Vernon
county, Mo, is Wishing friends in this
vicinity.
The many friends of W. j. McCord
and family regret that they have left
the county.
VIM Groves and sons are feeding 3
car loads of cattle.
VIM, MeCord bought two mules of
Jack Woolery which he took with him
to the blue blizzard land of sweet, sun
ny Kansas.
We need a bridge very bad across
Beaver Dam creek.
Sleepy Hollow will have a candidate
for collector.
The soclables in this section have
closed until next winter. The last one
was at J. B. Woolery's on the night CT
February LIST. Here the cold brass
wagon was laid away and the buffalo
killed.
The people of Sleepy Hollow would
like to know
What j. X. Bradley is buying house
furniture for.
Who has more dogs than Mr.. Atkins
Why John Foddy didn't go to Kansas
If Bradley Bros. are really going te
keep bach at the Luckett rancho thi.
summer.
If Gross Roads" ofPrairie, don't get
things a little mixed sometimes.
ELI PERKINS.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1886-03-11
Martinsburg's 'sDoctor."

To The Editor of The Ledger
MARTINsBURG, March Elm reply to
the verbosity and id~iosyncracy Of DIR.
Jno. W. in a recent issue permit me to
state that he is laboring under an halluci-
nation. Nothing was stated in my cor
respondence that could sully the fair rep
utation of the Doctor. His social stand
ing among us is inequalities; many of US
point with pride to the healthy blossoms
on our proboscis as the result of his
intelligent diagnosis. The diploma con-
tinues to grace the walls of his office and
has not yet returned to his alma mater, or
as he terms the university, "the wild cat
institution" If, however, the genial
Doctor intends to cease to worship at the
shrine of E>culapius and again become q
disciple of Vulcan his many friends will
wish him a brisk spring trade.
In conclusion permit me to remind the
Doctor that, as regards "spiritus" of any
kind, he is by no means an arbiter ele-
gantiarum. Let him continue to gulp his
cereyisia while his quondam patients al
this season of the year will continue to
indulge in AQUA VITE.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1886-03-11
WHAT WILL BE THE gESuLTs

The fidelity a'l ~tonaetly with
which the great no : of lahoring men
hang together and stand by each
other in their labor association are
exceedingly Impressive. Their solid
union under the command OF leaders |
of their appointment is also II Of
the most significant developments Of
modern civilization.
These poor and humble men, i'll
voluntary association, subordinate
their individual Wills aud immediate
interests to the advantage OF the
whole body and for the defence of
any part of it, and keep faith with
the league at the risk of their llveli-
hood in case of failure, oheyiug with
out question the orders Of those they
nave set over them. rs an army ohey>
the commands of it's General. They
are numbered by the thousands, AMI
include, of course, all sorts of temp
ornaments; but they hear the word,
and every mar of them at once drops
his work, though he himself is not
| discomfort. in order TO fulfill his
pledge to his order, and because lie
has learned to feel that only in union
is there strength.
II must be remembered. too, that
a large part of the labor of this
country is now obedient to just such
leadership, that the leagues are all
the time increasing and extending,
and that the tendency is to bring
them together as a consolidated
body, sensitive to the suffeiings of
every member. Can this go on with
out an ultimate and perhaps speedy
transformation in society and politics
of the most radical sort? The con-
Guiding years of the nineteenth cen
tury promise to be extraordinarily
fruitful. At the present time the
knights of Labor all over the United
States are calling for more liberia.
treatment at the hands of railroads
Never before in the history OF
labor in this country was it so united
and, consequently, so powerful. it,
cohesion and unity Of action are un
exampled in the annals Of trade or
ganlzation. Therefore, at this of al
} moments, we say beware. Be mod
crate and be temperate. The true
Interests of the employer, if he b'
wise, are Identical with their Interests
and they should see to 1t that they
} do not abuse this power and turf
public sympathy.