Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-01-27
NEWSPAPER WIT.


IA MONTREAL alderman has sued q
newspaper OF that city for printing g.
speech which he did not deliver" In
a majority of cases a man feels more
like suing newspaper for printing a.
speech he did NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
| Herald.
FIRST SYRACUsAN-I say, Hubbard
do you see that young fellow in the
fur overcoat across the street? Second
| Syracusan-Oh, yes, that's Gilpin, OF
Rochester. First Syracusan-What
A Rochester man in Buffalo skin? L
can't believe it'd
FIRST "Lady. And which side Is
your husband now, Mrs. Mangles ?''
| Second do.-"Sometimes one and
sometimes another, mum. When l
don't want any money he's a Liberal,
| but when I'm short he's reg'la Con-
servativel"- Engz1sh Paper.
THE Western editor who put the
head Natural Gas" over the proceed
ings of q woman's rights convention,
was conveniently "out of town" when
a committee OF ladies wearing specta-
cles and a revengeful expression called
to interview him.-NorristOwn Her
aid.
Gust borrowed 5000 on my own
note" said young Hardup, "and |
feel like a. great mans monument. :"
elbows that ?" said his friend, "cause
somebody else has to pay for lt?"
ooh, no; not exactly that; but I've
got such agood start on paper. Bur
dette in Eagle.
THERE is q story told of Bishop
Macrorie. He Bishop was sitting
next Yankee navy captain, who said
to him. "You have in your province
two rival Bishops, C--and another
fellow, to which of them do you in
cline?" 81 am the other fellow" said
Bishop Macrorie.-The Living Church.
TEACHER lin natural history:)
Tommy, where is the hippopotamus
to be found?" Tommy: "Africa."
Teacher: eyes. And what is the chief
characteristic of this wonderful ami
malW Tommy (who has seen the cir
Gus pictures:) "He alters has his
ALGY-"' AIRY, me boy, what's
o'clock?" Harry-"Tveleft me watch
hat 'ome, old chappie. TO Chicago
boot black.) What's o'clock?" Chi
cago boot black-"It's big watch,
you dern fool" (To boy in next
street, eli, Jimmie, come an see the
swell as never seed a clock. 1.-The
Rambler.
THE expectations from South Afri-
ca last year of articles of women's
adornment were valued at $25, O0O,-
600. In g. country where females
simply wear g dark complexion and q
string of glass beads, there would nat
urally be a great deal of women's
adornment spared for exportation.--
Norris town Herald.
A FARMER, on being asked to write
testimonial for a patent clothes
wringer, produced the following: 81
bought your clothes-w ringer, and am
hugely pleased with it. [ bought a jag
of wood which proved too green and
unfit to burn; | ran the whole load
through your wringer, and have used
the wood for kindling ever since"
CANON FARRARsays one of the respon-
sibilities OF this nation is to strange
the growth q mammon worship"
| The dear, innocent old canon, how
much did he take home with him
was it mammon worship or canon
worship or part of this nation that
made his sojourn so pleasant land
profitable )-Bingham ton Republican.
"Pa," said a Philadelphia lad,
"what is a martyr?'' ooh, don't
bother me-" "Ma, what is mar
tyr?" "Why, my son, l am a martyr"
'You a martyr" exclaimed the hus-
band; chow SOP" "Why this is the
| third winter have worn this bonnet,
and I'm married to man too mean
to buy me another Pan Yam Chroni-
Gle.
Mr.. FAUxPAs Ito young lady -"Ah,
Miss Charmate, have just come from
the side Of Mrs. Smith, who has been
asking me about the beautiful young
lady at the flower table," Miss G..
| (appearing to busy herself in arrang-
ing some fowers)-"Have you never
known how I detest fattery?" Mr..
f. (who thinks hemay have blundered)
-"Oh. but really, you know it is dark
over where she is sitting. One can
hardly see ."-Harper' Bazaar
Young HUsBAND-"There dear, do
wish you would stop wearing corsets.
lAAAOAO 40 cV AOhSo AhDOA WV WIN DAO
Lewis in which he says they are ex-
tremely unhealthy" Young Wife
''Oh, well, dear, Dio Lewis doesn't
know what he's talking about. Wear
ing corsets doesn't amount to anything
one way or the other, as you know
very WE'LL" Young Husband =
Doesn't amount to anything? Why,
what in the world do you mean?"
Young Wife-"Oh, it's only matter
of form. "-Somerville Journal.
"JoHN. dear, our Susie is fairly sick
over her algebra. But she is getting
along SO nicely, and has 80 in her re-
port this week, and 95 in Latin and
100 in philosophy, the dear girl. +"
Good enough, wife. But what is the
matter with the breakfast to-day ?
Worst meal we have had for a
month 20 "Well, John, felt out of
sorts this morning, and the cook is
away, and let Susie attend TO the
things. The poor girl really knows so
little about housework, you know" .
| of Epd P,,Do+;3