davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-18
A Cowardly, Contemptib e Saving.

"A woman is at the bottom of every
mischief.
So say legion of noodles who know
not what they say, and who think they
think, when they only repeat what they
have heard others say before them.
Do these faddists ever reflect that
there are two kinds of people in the
world, male and female, and as they
generally associate together it is prob
able that every occurren will directly
or indirectly involve some individual of
both sexes?
But unfortunately for the faddists,
there are some conditions in life in
which their theory can be thoroughly
tested. Ia the California and austria
liam gold-mining regions they had no
women, and yet, if our memo y serves
us right. their days and nights were
not altogether ! assed in halcyon sim
plicitv: ut, on the contrary, their
camps were scenes of fighting, stabbing,
gouging, shooting lynch ng, and bloody
murder generally.
On board ship they have no women
to make mischief, and yet they are not
altogether lamblike in their relations,
living IL brotherly love and harmony.
The soft answer is often n belay ing
pin, and the hand of iCo wish; p is ire
quently at the end OF n yard-arm.
Now, if the opposite were a popular
expression, that there is a man at the
bottom of every trouble it would he
niue more difficult to dsprove.
No, the olt-quoted saying is false.
cowardly, aud contemplate one, and a
disgrace to the Whole male sex. I
shows that men are ashamed to assume
the responsibility of the own evil
deeds, and meanly try to shuttle them
oil on the shoulders of poor, weak
women. -Terns StfLiyl1S.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-18
DarOrmity in Milan.

All the monsters physical | have seen
elsewhere throughout my whole life
would not, if collected together, APP
proach by even few hundred all the
persons similar y Athlete whom / have
met in the streets Of Milan during the
last three months. l could not go into
one of the public gardens, traverse one
OF the piazZas, enter one of the church
es, sit i'll tram-car, without finding
myself confronted with at least one or
two hunchbacks. 1t is, in fact, veri-
table city of Quasimodos. Add to these
bewhiskered and chimneypot. h ltted
dwarfs, some four feet high, brushing
pompously past you, and diminutive
women, young and old, still lower OF
stature, waddiing along the pavements,
cripples of regular and irregular sizes
of both sexes. aud you might well ask
yourself in wonder. as L asked my art
list friend, how comes it that we find
such an inordinate amount of deformity
In n country where the rudest clodhop-
per has soul and passion for beauty,
whether it be in flesh and blood or on
canvas? The answer was brief and to
the point: "Th Sc de.orm es are ira
ditional. Lombardians are well known
to be so clannish in their habits (and
have been so for so many generations)
that they often intermarry within the
forbidden degrees of kindred. Cor.
Anltrjcdn Regjster.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-18
In COnnpuara.

The rain was still falling when Bal
lynahinch was left behind; but on the
moor to the left two witchlike figures
were seen, their heads half wrapped in
plaid shawls, their limbs showing
through wet, short skirts, and their
small red feet and legs flying from tuft
to tuft of the moss. They were native
girls, driving the small cosl-black cattle
of these wild uplands, and the sight of
the driver. an ancient friend. put them
in the widest spirits. They swooped
down on the car and were soon seated,
laughing and singing, brushing the wet
from their tangled hair and their hair
from their red cheeks, but not forget
ting to smooth the skirts of the rough
homespuu modestly about their bare
extremities. They were redolent of
peat smoke, like the poteen thew brew
here in spite of all the constables; of
good health, good humor, and of that
indescribable fragrance which comes
from living almost entirely out of doors.
Presently we drew up before their
own home. They seized various par
cells coming to them from Galway, and
in a twinkling they plunged into a
looking cabin OF large size
like q brace of colts, with flourish of
their red heels. The men and boys OF
the family wore shoes; doubtless Sun
days those same headlong lasses turn
out as we'll shod as any in Connemara.
A few years hence these girls will be in
the United States puzzling an Ameri-
can mistress by their ignorance on some
points and unnatural acuteness on
others. Ii she could see tue interior of
some of these cabins she would only
wonder how they ever learn to use the
resources of modern improvements. :"
Much is being done in iceland to give
all children a good schooling in the
elements of book wisdom, bat there is
no provision for the training of SER
wants, wherefore there is much wailing
in American households, great misun-
derstandings, and many chances of
profitable places lost to this class of
emigrants. For this reason it is to be
feared that our young friends, when
better clothed, housed, and fed than
they are now, will be no longer so jolly
and devil may -care.-Cor. NeU York
Times.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-18
4 Rara Avis.

"Are you in need of any curiosities 2"
asked lady, addressing the proprietor
of a d me museum.
I'VE are ways on the lookout for
curiosities," he replied. "and willing at
all times to enter into negotiat ons for
the exhibition of anything extraordi-
nary. What have you got? A giant,
dwarf, a monstrosity-
"A rare curiosity" answered the
lady, ain short, l have servant girl
who is lot only neat and tidy, and un-
derstands her duties, but is also polite
and ladyllke in speech and manner,
and does not ask for moro than q night
in week"
Good gracious. madam you don't
say sol Why, she will be a prize for
us-prizel why, there is nothing like
her. in the country. Bring her along
at once, aud she can name her own
salary. "-BostoR Courier.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-18
Fearless General Rosecrans.

General Rosecrans was the most
fearless, as wei as the most popular,
man in the powder busine IS that L ever
met. Some years ago he was expert
menting with nitro glycerine and chlor-
ide of potash. He was also trying to
make new kind of percussion cap.
Every afternoon he would go out to the
old stone-quarry and make experiments
with dynamite there, the Mayor having
granted him permission to do so. He
oad taken quite fancy to me, and
he'd come around and take me out
there with him. l never saw man cx-
pertinent with explosives as carelessly
as he did, and, as l did not care 10 be
blown to pieces myself 1 kept warning
him of the risks he kept mourning.
His only reply was: when n mans
time comes it comes He appeared 10
be a fatalist. and wolld not believe that
a person could be killed before it was
allotted for him to die. One day he
had some nitro glycerine in a pan and
was doing something with it. 1 knew
it would explode in the hot sun and
said: General, look out. That's go
ing TO explode He d0 not seem to
care, and l warned him again, but he
kept on with his experiments, repeat
ing that phrase of his about mems
time coming only when it was appoint
ed. He needed some tool that was
lying short distance of and went over
to get it. He was about twenty or
thirty feet away when the nitro-glycer-
inc exploded. 1t did not disconcert
him in the least. He remarked with
out any emotion: We'll, that was a
pretty close call, and resumed his ex-
periments. 1t was wonder to mo
how he ever escaped death out there"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-18

By AUNT EFFrE.

Listen 10 the kitchen clockl
To itself it ever talks,
FROM it's place ii never walks;
-Tick- took"
Tell me what 10 says.
I'm very patient clock,
Never moved by horo or fear,
Though I've stood for many year
k-tock-tick-tock.
That Is what il says.
I'm a very truthful clock;
People say about tho place,
Truth il written ON my face;
Tick-tock textbook
That is what it says.
I'm a very active clock;
For | go while you're asleep,
Though you never take peep;
Tick -tock-tick-tock."
That is what IL says.
srm a most obliging clock;
II you wish To hear me strike,
You may do 10 when you like;
Tick -tock-tick-tock.
That is what it says.
What a talkative old clock
Let us sec what 10 will do
When the pointer reaches twoi
ding ding"-"tick-tock.
That is what IL says.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-18
Rhrming TO Some Purppsc.

In skirmish during the war of the
rebellion, Augustus Penny, Mano
soldier, lost finger, and ait rwayd
wrote rhyming desrr ption OF the
affair to h 8 wife. In leu of other evil
dence, these rhymes have been accept-
ed al tire Pension o ce as a proof o.
Augustus right to a pension.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-18
Accommodating.

Backbone and take drink,
White.
VIII te-No, / guess not. I'm not
drinking anyth NJ now.
B.-Oh, come along.
W.-All right.
They go and take drink, after which
White observes:
well, seeing as you've invited me,
guess I'll take another - Boston
COarter.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-18

THEY do not vaccinate women in
Burmah, because they do not onsider
them worth the trouble and expense.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-18

THERE arc 6.OOO,0 900 widows in India.
Unmarried men will visit India at their
ewn risk.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-18

NEVER ask young lady why her
back la doesn't match that In front.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1886-01-12
Book Notices.

DEMoREsT's MAGAZINE for January, 1886, is
unusually bright and entertaining. Julian
Hawthornc's story is completed. and a serial
entitled - That Other Person." by Mrs Alfred
= Victor Hugo - The City of Skulls" and an
" Orange Grove" \ plea for the jig saw
auA Jacl-Euifc" will claim the attention of
those who desire to heautify their homes iG.V-
r,.r.sivrlv. Tee departments devoted 10 fash
ion. art aud household decoration ar" very
frLI. aud the pictorial Illustrations "-gi!aut
TEn froutispicce, e Naughty Boy" i Il new
method OF phpt"grlvU-c. and the admirers of
EHylaul T.. hr pi-. cG 'g as eU.-rl r!nL. of
hia Gur painting. &c =. John IN ths Desert. -
which 81 !orrs this uCUbrs>
ALIrrI.E CTIrY-D'or, breton Tseyicrc's
charming picture .'Svmpath - has h.-"u Ell
graved as premium for GoDEV's LADT'= Book
for 1886. and is one of the most desirable iu-
ducements ever offered by thSt any other
magazine. The plate is an unusually fine one.
very faithfully produced. and of size that
makes it acceptable either for the portfolio or
for framing. Sympathy" represents "A fair
haired little girl sitting on a stairway. in deep
distress, her little chin resting deiectedly on
her hands while cOmical old dog presses
close to her side. poking his nose over her
shoulder, and saying as distinctly as any dog
could say. . I'm awfully sorry for you" The
picture is wonderfully expressive and has had
an immense sale in Europe.
BALLoU's MAeAzISE.-The January issue Of
this popular monthly appears IN new type ana
4 new form for the new year. making it one of
the handsomest publications in the country es-
pccially for the price It opens with charm
ing serial story by Miss Camilla William. en-
titled. ''The GilbeTts or. 4 Double Mistake" +"
Also a choice variety of complete stories By the
best authors which entertaining. instruc-
tive and amusing illustrations. Poetry. The
Housekeeper. Our Young Folks Club. HuInor-
Gus Matters Anecdotes, etc. form most COM
pletc publication for family reading Subscrip-
tiOn 51.5O per wear postpaid. G. W Studley,
Publisher, . Hawley street, Boston, Mass.
IF roU WANT a handsome Calendar for 1856.
get Hoods Household Calendar. 1t is a per
! feet gem. Ask for it at your druggists. and If
you don't get it there. send six cents for one
copy. ten cents for two, to C. 1. Hood q Co..
Lowell, Mass.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1886-01-12
ADVERTIsING RATES

One Square q inch or less) to sweeks. 81 50
Each subsequent insertion ion--,..---..----- so
One Square. three months -. ;. : /. 4 90
One Square, 6 6msnths. s-..ss..i q 90
One Square, one observation-disclosures. 1000
Candidates Announcement County
Officers. $500; Stateor Congressional, 5000.
Others at regular Advertising Rates. Z
Obituary Notices exceeding i've lines, 10 cts.
per line. 6-roTC = rs.rS7N
Liberal deductions made for Quarter, Half
and Whole Columns, to annual. SeuIi-Annual
and Quarterly Advertisers. ~ ----ry
No advertisement to be considered by the
month or year unless spscihcd ON fhG Manu-
script. or previously agreed upon betzeen the
parties. rs : ett- g ElNlth
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1886-01-12

Ha"Nouc genuine without q bunch of green
Hops on the white label. Shun all the vile,
poisonous stuff with Hop" or Hops" in their
name
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1886-01-12
Very Remarkable Recovery

Mr.. Geo. V. Willing, of 3lancbes-
ter, Mich, writes: :" Ny wife has
been almost helpless for five years, so
helpless that she could not turn over
in bed alone. She used two Bottles
of Electric Bitters, and is so much
improved that she is able to do her
own work. - Electric Bitters viii do
all that is claimed for them. Hun
dreds of testimonials attest their
great executive powers. Only fifty
cents a bottle at Geo. 7. Lights.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1886-01-12
The Jefferson County
MUTUAL
Fire Insurance Company.
ESTABLISHED 1873.


OFFERS to the people of Jefferson County
~ Insurance in safe Company ut the actual
cost of insurance. which is much cheaper than
the rates usually charged and keeps the money
at home. Good risks from responsible parties
arc invited.
Executive Committee meets every Friday.
DIRECTONs-N. S. White. Henry b. Daven-
port, }. Garland Hurst John w. Rider. W. Il.
r. Lewis. r. Preston Chew. WIN. l.. Wilson.
Eugene Baker S. w. Washington. james Logic,
Charles p Wilson. John r. little. Jacob S.
Melvin f. G. w. Herr, Isaac II. StridCr.
COL. R. p. CHEW. President
II. B. DAVENPORT. ........ Treasurer
EXECUTIVE CoMNITrEE-N. 8. White. WIN.
II. r. Lewis. Eugene Baker. Isaac II. StridGr.
r. p. Chew, S. ". Washington.
Local -AiiddIcway-J. G. Shirley
kearneySvillc-J. c. Bitucr: Hurpcr's Ferry
Chas. Z. Trail; Shepherdstown--J. $. Fleming
puilields--C. L. Harnhart; CEmricstOwn-
Washington IL Alexander.
ESF" The Secretary will be found at the Com
pany's Office. Gibson Building. Courthouse
yard. III ChGrlcstOwn.
r. \. ALEXANDER.
Feb. ~, lSS2-0dEl2. -. Secretary.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1886-01-12
Trust Nothing Else
Ayers SarsapariIIa,
Dr.. }. =. Aver & Co., Lowell, Mass.
Sold by all druggists; price 81,
six bottles for 50.
"MaryIand, My MaryIand.'
**-" Pretty Wives.


Lovely daughters and noble men,"
"My farm lies in a rather low aEd nlias-
matte situntion, and
My wife,
.Who?"
WAS a very pretty hlonde!"
Twenty years ago, became
"Sali0w!'
lInliOw-cycd!' ~
Withcrcd and ngcd :"
Before her time, from
.'Malarial vapors. though she made no par
ticular complaint, not being of the grumpy
kind. yet causing me great uncasiness.
~ short time ago purchased your remedy
for one of the children. who had very severe
attack of biliousncss, and it occurred to me
that the remedy might help my wife. Us 1
found that our little girl upon recovery had
Lost"
Her sallowness. and looked as fresh as a
new-blown daisy. Well. the story is soon told.
NV wife, to-day. has gained her old-time
beauty with compound interest, and is now as
handsome a natron (if do say it myself as
can be found in this county. which is noted
for pretty women. And l have only Hop Bit
tcrs to thank for it.
THE dear creature just looked over my
shoulder. aud says can filttcr equal to III"
DAYS OF our .court=hip. and tGat :g@iuis IL.
there might he ,aaJ pretty ari~.sit my orytue'
farmers ,,".lid ip - -.s- done
Hoping rou luay ias.g .s spared 80 do good.
Thankfully r:.nain.
Pr. Con-.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1886-09-24

this indebtedness will be fully dis
charged, and no other bonds mature
until 1891, when $3.50, 100000 or A
per cents will be payable. During the
interval between the payment OF the
3 per cents now outstanding and the
maturity of the A per cents, unless
the revenue is reduced or is used to
purchase the obligations of the Gov
ernment at high premium, an snor-
nous surplus must accumulate in the
Treasury--such an amount az would
paralyze the business of the country If
boarded and left out of the channels
of trade. am very strongly OF the
opinion, therefore, that when the debt
which is now payable has been fully
discharged, if not before that time, the
people of the country will demand a
reduction of the revenue. The reduc-
ton will come upon the tariff, and not
upon internal revenue, for it is plain
to my mind that no political party OF
this country can afford 10 take the po-
sition that whiskey and tobacco and
beer shall be free while tax remains
upon the peoples clothing and imple.
menls of trade. People won't stand it,"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1886-09-24
How Animals Treat Themselves When Suf-
fering From Physical Ailments.

Animals get rid of their parasites by
using dust, mud, clay, etc. Those suf-
fering from fever restrict their diet,
keep quiet, seek dark, airy places, drink
water and sometimes plunge into it.
when dog has lost its appetite it eats
that species of grass known as dogs
grass, which acts as an emetic and a
purgative. Cats also eats grass.
Sheep and COWS, when ill, seek out GER
tain herbs. An animal suffering from
chronic rheumatism always keeps, as
far as possible, in the san. The war
rior ants have regularly organized am
balances. Latreille cut the antenn9
of the ant and other ants came and
covered the wounded part with a trans
parent fluid secreted in their mouths.
If chimpanzee is wounded it stops
the bleeding by placing its hand on
the wound or dressing 1t with leaves
and grass. When an animal has a
wounded leg or an arm hanging on it
completes the amputation by means of
its teeth. A dog on being stung in
the muzzle by viper was observed to
plunge its head repeatedly for several
days into running water. This animal
eventually recovered. A sporting dog
was run over by carriage. During
three weeks in Winter it remained ly-
ing in a brook, where its food was ta-
ken to it. This animal recovered. A
terrier hurt his right eye. 1t remained
under a counter, avoiding light and
heat, although it habitually kept close
to the fire. 1t adopted general treat
ment, rest and abstinence from food.
The local treatment consisted in lick
ing the upper surface of the paw,
which it applied to the wounded eye
again licking the paw when it became
dry. Animals suffering from traumat-
ic fever treat themselves by the contin.
ued application Of cold water, which
M. Delaunay considers to be more cor.
tain than any of the other methods
In view of these interesting facts We
are, he thinks, forced to admit that
hygiene and therapeutics as produced
by animals may, in the interest Of
psychology, be studied with advantage
Many physicians have been keen OBJ,
servers of animals, their diseases, aud
the methods adopted by them in their
instinct to cure themselves, and have
svailed of the knowledge so brought
under their observation in their practice
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1886-09-24

British honor hever to let this go any
further. All right.

British honor hever to let this 90 any
further. All right
"Colonel Jedadiah Y. Spinks got
planted last fall with huge consign-
ment of hides got EN- as his share Of
a steal, or something of that kind, and
all his pals laughed at him because
they said even he couldn't get profit
out of 'em. So what dye think he
does Ships 'em all aboard the Para
gon as cargo declares them as Indian
bullion embroideries, and insures them
against all risks at 100000 He
spotted the Paragon because there
was a young fool of fifth officer on
board, named Mulford, or Retford, or
something like that, who was Just the
kind of soft he wanted, and he had
him sounded, to make sure, one day at
Delmonico's, by a friend, who went
and sat with him, and entered into
conversation--just as you and / have
done and then the Colonel got girl.
lovely and without relations, with the
cheek and the pluck and the beauty of
the devil, but down on her luck and
hard mp for cash and excitement, and
sent her on board as 'his niece, max
ing the voyage to Seiringapatam un-
der the care of the Captain |! She
made tremendous love to the young
spark, playing the pompous old ass of
Captain off against him, and got him
to herself on deck one dark night, when
there was no one else on deck but two
men sent on as part of the extra
crew by the Colonel himself, and in
structed by him. Whilst she firted
with him we'll out of sight under the
bridge, these two men let down over
the side Remington dynamite ma
chine, and blew the blessed old boat
to blazes, and then cockered up a yarn
about mysterious vessel that had
come upon them suddenly, run them
down and got clear away! Lord l
knew you'd laugh. This young fool,
in no end of a funk about his certifi-
cate, supports their yarn, and, of course
never says word about the girl. They
come over; the loss is proved bona fide
accidental, and Colonel Jedadiah u.
Spinks nets 100000 sterling clear
profit bang out of the insurance Offices!
But wait a minute. The ends the
tragic part of it. That beautiful girl,
with her marvellous talents, that would
make her an empress if she wanted to
be one, goes and falls in love-the
real thing with the man and wont
touch a penny of her share of the
plunder. Waste of genius l call it.
But all women are alike. And, egad,
sir, she's married him What dye
think of that for yarn?'
"Most startling and amusing But
here is Paris. Thank you SO much for
your delightful company. Your story
has indeed interested me greatly"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1886-09-24

If the murmurous voices of the
ocean could syllable ineligible sounds
what strange, weird tales they would
tell of the fateful, but fleeting years.
1t is something less than four years
ago that a youthful couple in far
Western city met and loved, as youth
full couples will. The stars they gazed
at in presumably speechless rapture
were those which light the mariners
way as he plows the peaceful Pacific
But the lady's parents suddenly OBJ
jected TO her suitor and the lovers
were forced apart. Vows, of course,
were interchanged, for in what court
ship are they not7 Swearing eternal
fidelity they separated to meet again,
as they fondly hoped, beneath the light
of more proprietous skies. They
never did. Every letter the ardent
lover penned his love the obdurate pa
rents intercepted and burned. The
lady's, too, were stolen and destroyed,
and here comes in the dramatic climax
of the tale, Suspecting the tactics
her parents had employed the heroine
conceived violent hatred for them.
AT the same time she formed the reso-
luton not to touch food again, Vainly
her rash resolve was combated by those
who wrought her misery. When food
was offered she turned her face to the
wall and would not eat for love or
gold. The last words she spoke were
those of scorn for her parents-just
before dying, after months dreary
fast Come, lives there the poet fitted
to sing her constancyl If SO, let him
begin. But first, perchance, what OF
the lover9 Alack he has married
another girl.