The Wilmingtonian., 1886-07-17
diskiver what caused AM what

diskiver what caused an what
would cure 'em. DER seems to be great
deal of ignerence 'mong culrd people as TO
cyclones. Do you reckon de pyramids OF
Egypt have anythin' to wild emf If so, you
am sadly mistaken. (Agitation behind the
stove) / have met Guild men who con-
nected Cain and Abel an cyclones all to-
gether, an dey wouldn't give in to no argy-
ment If deir am any among you tonight,
an s'pose deir am, who believe dat Noah's
ark eber had anythin' to do wild cyclones,
you am off yer base" tAgitation all over the
hall)
any friends" continued the orator, after
pulping down more water "do you pose il
took 5000 vars to make dis worldi How
many pussons in dis hall tonight am posted
on de Drift perodl When did she begin to
drift Whar did she drift TOT Suppressed
emotion.) Some pussons will tell you dat
dis world was in darkness fur 400 y'ars arter
it was made Doan' you believe It'll Dey
wasn't dar What would be de use of all
dat darknessl What would be de good
of iii"
allow about cyclonesf" called voice
"Yes, sab, / was comm to dat. In the
fust place, what am a cyclonel II dar am
any pusson in dis hall tonight an s'pose
dar am, who think cyclone an zephyr
am one an de same thing, he has lived his,
life in vain Dey amt any mo- alike dan an
old bob-tailed dog am like new pianer.
| Slight evidences of amazement) l have
| met pussons who claimed that cyclones had
somethin' to do wild icebergs Bewar' Of all
| SIGH Dey will swap dogs wild you an
promise to give you six bits to boot, an you
will nebber see 'em no mo- | have met
| odder pussons who claimed dat cyclones war
| muffin but de restoration of a lost aerial
equilibrium, an dem same pussons has bor-
rowed my jack-knife an gone off to Yurup
wdout returning it. Sensation.
"In de fust place, cyclone has got to
have stlrt If it didn't get a start it
would fool aroun in some pastur' or swamp
until muffin was left of it, Whateber sots de
air in sudden moshun may sot cyclone
poin' 1t am leetle feller at fllst, an if it
| doan hit a barn or side hill il gathers
strength an momentum an becomes Ye-
hicle Of destruckshun. Bewar' how you sot
a current of air in moshun, espechually if de
day be sultrv. No Guild man has any mo
right to fall oil his woodshed, AM thus pre-
cipitate a cyclone, dan he has to walk into a
bank an lay his hand on de money dar ex-
posed. S'posen your mule slips de halter an
runs outer de stablei He sots current of
| air in moshun. If you run arter him you
ssot anoder current goin'. What am de re
ult. A cyclone sweeps ober hull county,
an death an destruckshun foller in its
wake. lSighs and groans
~ has no sorter doubt dat many cyclones
has bin sot in moshun in dis manner
(CheersD
The orator removed his collar, took an
other drink. aud continued;
81 has told you what causes cyclones, an
| will now give you few cures. When q
pusson has lame back, what does he dol
iSensationl lie has de ole woman prepar
"a mustard plaster an tie It on. Whyi Be
kase it am "a counter irritant A blister on
de skin will cure a pain in de flesh. ZAP
plause) De remedy fur a cyclone am Q
counter irritant II one am moyin' up from
the souf you must start current down from
de norf to meet it. When dey meet dar' will
be tussel to see which am de best cyclone
but dat am none o. our bizness. De onward
march of de fiend of destruckshun will bt
stopped right dar'. How kin dis counter
current be sot in moshuni In varus ways
de simplest Of which am fur dozen mem
bers of dis club to turn deir faces to de SOU
an make run of half mile.
sin conclushun, ! beg to thank you fuI
your kind attenshun. | have no conneck
shun wild de civil sarvice or de ConcorC
School of Philosophy. grasp de situashur
all by myself, an when has once got holC
neber let go
The orator retired amid great and contn
ued applause, and Whalebone Howkel
moved that the thanks of the club he ten
dered him The Rev. Penstock hoped tina
the motion would not prevail. The cYclon'
arguments that had been advanced were al
insult to the intelligence of the club
Pickles Smith didn't want to do the Hon
Jumbo or any other man an injustice, bu
he felt compelled to say that the strange
was off his base. He hoped the club woul'
not indorse any such theories
Waydown Bebee had wrestled with th
cyclone problem ever since one of EN- cam
along and carried his mother and mul
across two counties, and it struck him tina
Q the Hon Jumbo was scientifically correct
He believed in counter irritants and counte
) currents, and should try several experiment
$ before going TO bed that night
Shindig Watkins Parson Davis, Truste
Pullback and others discussed the matte
pro and con, and the president finally settle,
a 1t by saying:
T. I'VE will neither indorse him nor declal
: him lnnati". De best wav in all sch case
I am 10 trjke dt happy medium hr tskin II
I rollecN,hun OF huS cents fur hi, hAneh
N prpi>u his hoN Of language. Let Il
now hstouI- - journed. detroit Free Pres