Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-02-10
EWSPAPER WIT.


Miss CARRIE DAMN, of Cincinnati,
was married the other day Her
name is known wherever the English
language is spoken.-A tlanta Constitu-
ton.
Mr.. GOULD got the Wabash origin
ally for q song. If he sung the song
himself it is no wonder that the road
was given up in haste.-Louisvilze
COurier-JournaI.
eyes, gentlemen" said the barber,
eve are standing on free SOIL" f'No,
you're not" said theshoemaker, ''you
are standin in shoes not paid for."-
BARRIERS Gazette.
2 PENNSYLVANIA statutes allow man
to marry his mother-in-la Is it for
this reason that Pennsylvania is
spoken of as provincial and uncivil-
lied ?-BufaIo Express.
"WHAT's goin' on to-night?" asked
a countryman at the box office.
'Pantomime,' y replied the ticket seller
| "All right. Give me seat as near
the stage as you kin, as Pm q little
| deef."
UNCLE-"Ah, my dear, how rosy
your cheeks are! ] suppose the sea-
side and the mountains did that"
Niece-"No, uncle; that was done in
mammals dressing ."-Boston
Beacon.
DEACON SMITH-Remembe that YOU
must give an account of all your &C
tions and deeds when you go to the
other world. Colored party-Wall,
boss, Use mighty glad Use got a very
poor memory.
SIsTER-Did you forgive that boy for
striking you? Young Brother-Oh,
yes. Sister-That's a. good boy. I
am very glad. Young Brother-But
If he'd been hitler I'd have wolloped
him like thunder.
"PRoF. SWING is not doing much with
his church in Chicago" "What makes
you think SO? heard he was doing
splendidly.' "Guess not. I read in
the paper the other day that he sold
his pews. Must be pretty hard up, I
reckon. "-Texas Siftings.
"YoU enjoyed the opera, Mrs. Quick
rich ?" ''No; / was greatly disappoint-
ed. 1t was perfect fraud. Thenews-
papers all said the tout ensemble was
superb, and [ went specially to see it,
but there wasn't q single tout ensem-
BILE in the whole show. I don't believe
they've got one in the whole COM
pany."
STREET SWEEPER (airily)-"Gi's
Chris 'mas-box, gov'nour? Old Gent
-"Christmas-box! Gov'nourl D'you
consider that respectf-a proper
way to address a gentleman? Seems
to me you've more need of manners
than OF money" Sweeper very rude
ly)-'I axed yer for what [ thought
yer 'ad most on !"-Punch.
$50 back and tell your people to
send an immediate invitation to the
Angel Gabriel" was the reply of q
prominent divine to the committee
from Meriden church, after they had
stated the qualifications which the
pastor must possess to be eligible to
a call from their fastidious congre-
gation.-New London Telegraph.
SCHOOL teacher (sighing)-I regret
that l am compelled to complain of
your son, sir, but he causes me great
deal of trouble. Father-Well, miss, I
think he would behave better if you
would only try to make your school
more interesting. School teacher Tin
dignantly Interesting, indeed Why,
that is just thereason find fault with
your boy. He makes it entirely too
1nteresting-for the other scholars
New York Journal.
"WHo is that handsome young wo-
man that sometimes waits on the
table?" asked a new boarder. els she
the landlady's daughter?" "You
mean the lady just coming in with the
syrup jug?" eyes, she's very pretty,
amt she-the daughter of the house, I
presumed" "Why, no; that's the
boarding missus herself" The new
boarder's inquiry and his fattering
comments on her personal appearance
soon reached the ears of the landlady,
and now that boarder eats tenderloin
and has the ARREST and sunniest room
in the house.-Boston Courier.