The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1886-03-17
Written for the NEWS.
TRAMP PRINTER
Ladies' Out "Pi" with Law
ish Liberality.
Pi Analyzed - That Report -A
Parallel-Speaking of
Sam Jones.
The DragOOns' Tenth Anniversary
Where They May CRmp-A
Thoughtful Papa.

Pi is print-shop hash. It may be the
result Of an upturned case or an inse-
curely locked form, but as generally
| seen in its native haunts and most dread
ed form, it a conglomeration of types,
leads, quads and what not, swept from
under the cases, dug by the devil from
the cracks in the floor with brass rule
OF primitive construction, or found on
the windOw-sill or standing-g galley and
indiscriminately dumped into one COM
mon recepticle until the sheriff sells out
the office and the new possessor deter
mines to have it "sorted." It contains
BREWER, nOnpariel, long.primer, plea, all
kinds Of italic, eighteen different kinds
OF "head-letter" and display" type, and
about nine kinds of leaders with the
/ same size body and "nick" but having a
different number of dots to the "em :"
To know what a leader is, look at the
Commissioner report published in the
News OF March 10, and see the dotted
lines that ''lead" from the items to the
figures. With me it is one of the unex-
planned mysteries how so many different
kinds Of leaders," with corresponding
nicks and bodies and different faces, can
get into the average printing office. If
the pi is first-Class, it will also contain a
liberal percentage of dust; good, dusty
dust. It may (yet not necessarily con
tain two or three last years chews of to-
bacco, which, though, like the frames of
deceased steers on the plains of COlora-
do, they lose their odor and dry up, still
remain upon the scene to impress upon
ones mind the unreliability Of things in
general, and life in particular, and to
turn our palates against the use of the
weed and Colorado dried beef as a bev-
erage. Do not understand that second
hand tobacco, is altUays to be found in
pi; but it is in all well-regulated offices.
Nor is it necessarily so numerous where
the compositOrs are mostly females.
Speaking about the Commissioners
report, may remark that the majority
Of persons found it dog-goned dull read
ing. To be candid (Tm candor himself)
l own I found it so myself. But when
1 gaze through the misty loop-holes Of
the future and behold the Treasurer of
the HIGHLAND News Publishing Gem
pany, upon Saturday after Saturday, at
2;3O p. m, wading through the mighty
army Of foremen, compositors, editors,
reporters, staff correspondents and heads
Of departments, and tossing minted
gold and sterling silver right and left
without stint, realize that it is good
for the Commissioners report to be here,
and 1 sorrow that it don't come oftener.
If it only came once a week 1 might get
as much Well-say, one dollar more
a week and be able to pay some of my
debts. Blessed be the Commissioners
report, and Lord help the printer who
don't get it!
When I wrote a while ago about pi
and its component parts I had a dim,
far-away idea Of drawing a parallel.
Since writing I have tried to remember
how intended to draw it, but in vain.
1t may have been something like this {:
Let us iken my head unto a pi-bux.
Then the humble lines which appear
under the head of "Pi" may be likened
unto type swept up under my craniolOg-
ical cases, picked up off of my mental
window-sill, or raked out with lots of
other rubbish from the trash-covered
cracks in my cerebrum (or cerebellum-
which is it?) some OF the trash still adj
herring to the truant type. The dust
well, that what get for writing, and
I wish hadn't mentioned the tobacco ;
I don't exactly see how I am going to
comparsit to anything-let it remain
unparalleled
Gentle reader, did it ever strike you
how awfully sought after are the labors
of Hillsboro professional people, me-
ChaniCs, eicetera. Look back over all the
bound volumes of Hillsboro journals
and see how rarely anyone who ever
shook the dust of "our beautiful little
city" from his feet ever had to go to the
trouble Of seeking a situation. It is,
"Mr John Smith has accepted a posi-
ton in Squedunk, or "has received the
appointment of some thing-or-other in
kalamazoo" or cleft last week to accept
a lucrative position on the Bungtown
Daily Bummer" and 80 on. Lord, Lord
(as Sam Jones says how this world is
given TO lying. Oh of course, with
me it is always different. Committees
are sent from prominent cities all over
the country to tender me offices of con-
fdenee, trust and gigantic remuneration,
but as yet they have been compelled to
return home with reports Of unsuccess-
fulnsBs.