The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-04
WIT AND HUMOR.


There is only one thing that is more
and that is sprinkling-cart going over
q crosslng.-Nerelsant Traveller.
DO you know why Lord Lonsdale
calls the husband Benzine?" mo.
Why does hep" He thinks benzine
will take out the stain. IN. Y. Sun.
Children and fools always tell the
truth, says an old adage- Maybe this
is one of the reasons why politician is
rarely considered a fool. Hdre,s
NeUs.
Miss Ethel-Have you and George
had quarrel. Clara? Miss Clara-No,
indeed. 1t is getting too near Christ
mas for me to quarrel with George, dear
fellow.-N y Sun.
Rich Uncle-Now, sir, devise some
method by which your expenses will not
be above your income. Mine never are.
Nephew (triumphantly)-Then let's
trade incomes.
you are fool, John Gray" obserY-
ed that gentleman's better half angrily.
$50 Eve been thinking, my dear, ever
cihCO L mdliiCd you, was lho ooOlhAd
reply.-Nes0 HaUen Ne,DS.
The bravest are not always the ten
derest, as the poet sings. There is the
red game rooster, for Instance; he will
fight bird double his size, but he cuts
up tough in pot-pie-Boston Gazette.
Tears of pity will flow for the child
not yet years of age drowned in tub
of water. The little one, whose father
was milkman, was playing near the
well-tilled cans of pure, creamy milk
Graphic.
Tramp-Please help me; I am q
Charleston sufferer. Old gentleman
All, indeed; sufferer by that awful
earthquake! What did you lose? Tramp
/ lost bet how many shocks there
was.-Lafe.
Herr Strauss yswning)-How you
vas, Hans? You don't know nobody
no more, ain'd it? Hans-Mine trent,
if you vas shut your mouth so | can see
your face den mebbe can tell who you
vas.-Ihe Judge.
Algernon-Ya-as, deah boy, I've been
desperwately i'll; don't you knowles
perwately. Fuller-Indeed; what was
the trouble? Algernon-I had the
b-bwain fever. Fuller (Skeptically)-
o, what are you giving me?-Ramsbter.
DO you preach from notes?" asked
the Deacon of an uptown church dur
ing the examination of an applicant for
the pulpit. "Well, no-not exactly"
hesitated the applicant; Il preach for
notes-bank notes" He was summarily
expunged.- Washington Critic.
Professor 0o foot of botany class)-
Mention some of our common trees.
Student-Ash, maple, elm, larch, locust,
spruce, pine. horse-taking breath).
Professor prompting) = Chestnut?
Student-All right, sir, if you've heard
'em before, I'll stop.-1Fd-Btts.
Professor (who told the young men to
bring in an essay on an original sub.
ject Mr.. Saunders, what have
you got to-day? Collegian (who spent
the summer as waiter at one of the
mountain hotels)-Er-roast beef, roast
pork, fish, and corn-beef hash. It'd
Bits.
There is no balm for the bruised and
broken heart of rejected lover like the
sigh of.his successful rival years later
leading procession of seven, including
two nurse-maids, pair OF twins, and a
singleton through a crowded train OF
cars in search of a place to STEAM
bridge Chronicle.
30, Miss Brown, who was that very
homely young lady you were with this
afternoon?" THAT, sirP That was my
sister" "O-ah-I beg ten thousand
pardons! | ought to have noticed the
great resemblance! That is-that is
Then he wished an earthquake would
happen right then and there. Y.
San.
Boy-"Mister, do you wanter hire a
boyP" Young doctor (dubiously)-
What can you do? Read, write, cipher?
Have you recommendation from your
last employer" mo, sir; but I'm q
dreadful liar, and | know every bill col
lector in the city," Come around to.
morrow morning at 9. "-Phildaelphia
Call.
First literary man-That Scribbling
ton thinks he is one of the greatest
writers of the age. He is a perfect ass
Second L. M.-Do you think so? First
l.. NAT all events. he seems like one
Second ditto-O, well! it may be a case
OF unconscious assimilation. We
are all given to that, you know.-Ran,
bier.
I'm AFRAID that son of mine will
bring my grays hairs in sorrow to the
grave, if | 1--we SO long" said lady tc
a sympathetic friend. Don't be afraid,
ma" said her young hopeful, pokine
his head IN the door. "Sooner than
have that happen I'll take your hair out
OF the drawer some night and burn it. y
Tile Judge.
Beasley (who is taking Mrs. B. No.
to see the grave of Mrs. B. No Dive
been promisin' you this pleasure for
some time, Saranthy, n now l want
you ter see f yer can't improve little
and not break down my constitution
with any more of them cobble-stone pies
of yours. You'll get the same reward
some day.-TId-Btts.
At table d'hote at the seaside: An
English lady to her neighbor-M ]
trouble you to pour out some cognac for
me? That's 1t, little more, please.
Neighbor-You love cognac, then, mad
amer Lady-O, no-that is, l never
drink 1t except on two occasions. When
l have had duck for dinner and-when
l haven t.-French Fan.
A news item says: "a man in Lake
field was struck by locomotive yester-
day, Knocked over the smoke-stack,
and instantly killed. Whisky was the
cause" This is shameful All locomo.
tives ''choo." but this is the first time
one has been accused of indulging in
whisky and knocking man over its
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Herald
You say that Robinson is a smart
young man." Yes, he is a fellow OF
splendid business attachments. How
do you know that? He's not in any
business, and never has been" That's
all right. l know be is good business
man, because five years ago his father
died and left him fortune of $75, 900,
and he's got over half of it left IN
Y. Sun.
well, Coupon, | understand YOU are