Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-08-05
ESTEEMED coNTRlsUToRx

A Dissertation by Bill Nye.
Ny name is Veritas write for the
papers I am quite an old man and
have written my kindly words of advice
to the press for many years. am the
friend of the public and the guiding
star of the American newspaper. ]
point out the proper course for newly
elected member of Congress and show
the thoughtless editor the wants of the
people. Iwritc on the subject of po-
litical economy. Also on both sides of
the paper. Sometimes 1 write on both
sides of the question. When / do so l
write over the name of Taxpayer, but
my real name is Veritas.
I am the man who first suggested the
culvert at the Jim street crossing, so
that the water would run off toward
the pound after rain. With my
ready pen-ready, and trenchant also,
as may say have, in my poor, weak
way, suggested a great many things
which might otherwise have remained
for many years unsuggested.
am the man who annually calls for
a celebration of the fourth of July in
our little town, and asks for some
Young elOcutionist to be selected by
the committee, whose duty it shall be
to read the declaration of independence
in u shrill voice to those who yearn to
be thrilled through and through with
patriotism.
Did not speak through the columns
of the press in clarion tones for prop
er observance of our Nations great
natal day in large Gothic extended
caps the Nations starry banner would
remain furled and the creased pig
would continue to crouch in his lair.
With the aid of my genial co-workers,
Taxpayer, Old Settler. Old Subscrib-
er, Constant Reader, U. L. See. Fair
Play and Mr.. Pro Bono Publico, l have
made the world far more desirable
place in which to live than it would
otherwise have been.
My co-laborer Mr.. Taxpayer is an
old contributor to the paper, but he is
not really taxpayer. He uses this
signature in order to conceal his identi-
ty, just as use the name Veritas. We
have great deal of fun over this at
our regular annual reunions where we
talk about all of our affairs.
Old Settler is young tenderfoot
who came here last spring and tried to
obtain livelihood by selling an indie
structible lamp chimney. He did well
for several weeks by going to the DIFF
ferent residences and throwing one OF
his glass chimneys on the floor with
considerable force to show that it
would not break. He did good bust
ness till one day he made a mistake.
Instead of getting hold of his exhibi-
ton chimney, he picked out one of the
stock and busted it beyond recognition.
Since that he has been writing articles
in violet ink relative to old times and
publishing them over the signature of
Old Settler.
Old Subscriber is a friend of mine
who reads his paper at the hotels while
waiting for gratuitous drink. Fair
Play is retired monte man and Pro
Bono Publico is our genial and urbane
undertaken.
I am very prolific writer. but all
my work Is not printed. A venal and
corrupt press at times hesitates about
giving currency to such fearless, earn
est truths as I make use of.
l am also the man who says brave
things in the columns of the papers
when the editor himself does not dare
to say them because he is afraid he
will be killed. But what racks Veritas
the bold and free? Does he finch or
quail? Not finch; not a quail.
Boldly he filings aside his base fears.
and with bitter vituperation he assails
those he dislikes, and attacks with re-
sounding blows his own personal en-
emies, fearlessly signing his name,
Veritas. to the article, so that those
who yearn to kill him may know just
who he is.
What would the world do without
Veritas? In the hands of a horde of
journalists who have nothing to do but
attend to their business, left with no
anonymous friend to whom they can
fly when momentous occasions arise, |
when the sound advice and better
Judgment of an outside friend is need |
ed. their condition would indeed be a |
pitiable one. But he will never desert |
us. He is ever at hand, prompt to say,
over his nom de plume, what he might |
hesitate to say under his own name,
for fear that he might go home with a
battle of Gettysburg under each eye |
md nose like volcanic eruption. |
He cheerfully attacks every thing and
every body, and then goes away till |
the fight, the funeral and the libel suit |
are over. Then he returns and assails |
the grim monster Wrong. He pro-
poses improvements, and the following
week bitter reply comes from Tax
Payer. Pro Bono Publico, the retired |
three-card-monteist, says: ''Let us
have the proposed improvement re-
CARELESS of cost" Then the cynical |
q. L. See (who is really the ianitor at |
the blind asylum) grumbles about use
less expense, and finally draws out |
from the .teeming brain of Constant
Reader long, fabby essay, written
on red-ruled leaves, cut out of an old
ledger, written econom-
ically on both sides with light blue ink
made of bluing and cold tea. This es-
COW IN tro6uooc updor tho p,ocf <rr-:n,-