Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1886-08-13
CAUGHT A TARTAR.


a decidedly handsome young man was
strolllng down fllth avenue, New 'rk 5 great
boulevard OF wealth ana la'hlon' lie was
rather tall, well butt, elegantly dressed, but
yet did not seem TO he happy lie seemed 10
be absent minded ana there was on ms la'e
careWorn look stout gehti'hl'h' ahort
ten years Older than the young gentlemen
Wlth the sad careworn EXPRESSION was com
ing rom the opposite "He'tloh' IL S'oppeu
AMI eN'i'i'nci hearliN'
Wv ny, john, how do you do. NY I"' bott
Have you forgotten your old friend
"Do ,o', declare didn't see youon' YOU
spoke"
"Aad yet you were looking ri-At at M.
Don't en"''.,..". 10y I'm not going ioreproach
you. NHoA a Hlan l'ail. one OF the pref
ticst girls in New Nori-2nd one who IS rich
bc~iG'-it Is no wonder w. don't Sre his lends
when he meets them "a t.a street
Doctor | am not Cog to dii Hte with
you, for | admit that am u''i' absent
minded. 1t is t.'e that l am very happy,
but
"But, What do you ~ an 10y that qualify
ing word' Are there a''- mitigating circum-
stances, so to- speak"
NO, | can t say that J, re are, but
"Ehore it /, again. OF curse, don't want
you to give anything away, but If you have
any trouble you can conlide it to an old
friend with rcrfc t SAFETY. Perhaps l. being
doctor, can suggest remedy"
81 would h. prfcc' y happy if it We're not
for my WifcS n.1tho". S'le il dcvotedly at
tachcl to her daughter. They are as much
togct 2cr Us if t.ry wcr" Siamesc twins. l
have been mn'"'i'd a whole week, but ! have
not been alone with my wife five minutes
since the ceremony fully intended to take
bridal tour, but when Mrs. Swiftly said she
would 90 along, to take care OF us, changed
my mind. When ! want to travel for mis-
cry, instead of for pleasure, l can drive an
undertaker's wagon. The truth is. my dear
doctor, that it Is with difficulty that can
persuade myself that am really married.
That is a bad state Of things. don't see
how any remedy can be applied. but perhaps
your mOther-in-aw may marry again She
is upwards of 40 | suppose, although nobody
would thinl; so to look at her. Willows are
like young babies. The first six months they
/ cry great deal, the second six months they
begin to take notice and they experience a
. good deal of difficulty in getting through the
second summer Without meaning any dis
respect to your worthy mother-in law, ven
ture the prediction that She will marry again.
and then YOU will be liberated. In this com
try the manageable age for women runs
from II to lO1"
"Don't mention such thing, doctor as Mrs
Swiftly marrying"
"Why not"
"My wife is to inherit all her mothers prop
erty. If she marries again may be left out
in the cold. 1t makes me shudder to hear you
talk about Mrs. Swiftly marrying"
"Tou are right. That would never do. |
wish could suggest some plan, but | don't
see how | can be of any use to you"
you can help ne doctor, and you must.
Call around at the house this evening, My
motherin-.aw is very pleasant conversa-
zionist, | know you like good bottle of
wine and a fine cigar. She don't object to
smoking I've got them both in abundance
You can entertain Mrs. Swiftly while | and
my wife take a little walk You are the very
man want All you have to do is to talk to
my mother in-law for an hour or 50 while
become acquainted with my wife. You, too,
are splendid conversational, and are 50 fun
of wit and humor that YOU can get her 50 inter
ested in your conversation that she will not no
tice our absence. Th, is Il hiIeou, fix am in.
know she means well, but her Kindness is
killing me Do you know what her kindness
reminds me off"'
81 can't imagine"
My mothcl-in-aw reminds me of "a tame
bear who loved his master very much. One
day the bear saw fly on his masters head
and thinking to do Iii, master favor he
struck IA blow ut IT, and drove away the flv
but nearly knocked his masters head OIL Ny
mothcr-in law imagineS that being constantly
in the room with me and my wife that she i.
showing Us IA great Kindness, but would pre-
fer to have her hit me on the bacl; of the neck
with a rolling pin"
MY dear fellow, YOU know that | diSlik,
ladies' society"
YES. | know You are really a woman Halter
but | wish You would do me the favor to com,
over toni lit and talk to my mothcr-in-law.
"Well for your sake, I'll do it,"
Thanks, Il thousand thanks. I'd DO a. mucl
for YOU"
. Don't mention it, BY the way, do you
know why the word honeymoon IS only az
= piled to Young married people"
That's something tina has puzzled me eve,