Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1886-03-12

| INC subItCb dCCOIuS hcll Will my
own mindn
Lady to small boy-"Then You
never had educational advantages?
Boy scratches his head and says
"No, mum, not that ! knows Of.
I've had airy-sipilas. If what you
said is worse nor that, | don't
wanter ketch it,
$50 your boy has left home, Mr..
Samson
"Yes, Mr.. Briggs
cleft you for good~
81 can't say, Mr.. Briggs, whether
it was good or for bad. He has
been appointed clerk in the Legis-
lature.'
Whenever You see a young man
and young woman walking under
the same umbrella, 80 absorbed in
each other that they forget all
about putting it down until after
the rain is over and dried up, you
may expect wedding or breach
of promise case before many moons.
"Nhat a Misunderstanding vii.
lain the prisoner is whispered an
old lady in a courtroom to her hus-
band; "l'd be afraid to get near
him. "S.h!r warned her husband;
"that amt the prisoner-he amt
been brought in yet" at ain't9
Who is it, them ats the Judge"
They tell in Louisville of a citl-
zen Of that town who went to New
York recently and lived at one of
the most expensive hotels there.
lie stayed four days and asked for
his bill. "I'ifty-one dollars" said
the clerk. "Guess again. said the
Kentuckian. "You haven't sized
my pile yet. Pve more money than
that
GLOW do you like the character
Of st. Pauli' asked a parson of his
landlady, during conversation
about the old saints and apostles.
"Ah, he was a good clever old soul,
! know-for he once said, you know,
that we must eat what is set before
us, and ask no questions, for con-
science sake. | always thought |
should like him for a boardcr."
Bishop Clark, of Rhode Island,
always would have his joke, and it
was always worth having, too. lie
once went 30 see one of his parish
toner's, a lady with a prodigious
family, which had recently been in
creased. AS he rose to leave, the
lady stopped him with, "But you
haven't seen my last baby?'
"No," he quickly replied, Sand /
never expect to-" Then he fed.
81 see Edison, the inventor, is
going to be married. as hel
Good. I'm glad of that "IYhat
interest have you in it," dwell,
you see, Eye been afraid he would
invent some COMPOUNDED electric
cOntrivance by which a woman
could tell just how long her husband
had carried herletters in his pocket,
or some foolish thing of that sort.
But, Of course, if he's going to be
married -'
Some lady visitors were going
through penitentiary, under the |
escort of a superintendent. They
came to q room in which three |
women were sewing. "Dear mew
one Of the visitors whispered, |
"what vicious looking creatures.
Pray, what are they here fOri' "Be-
cause they have no other home.
This is our sittingroom, and they
are my wife and two daughters"
answered the superintend-
ent.
a good one is told upon one of
the countrymen who attended the
fair. While in the city he thought
it his duty to attend the opera.
Securing a seat, he was intently |
the stage when some one
at his side, thinking from the squint
Of his eyes that he was near-sighted, |
kindly handed him an opera glass.
The old fellow was profusein thanks,
and hiding the glasses behind his
hat turned it up to his lips for a
moment, and then handed it back
with the remark that "the blamed
hing is dry"
A young Austin lawyer was APP
pointed to defend a negro who was
900 poor to hire counsel of his own.
After the jury were in the box the
'oung lawyer challenged several of
hem, who, his cliept said, had a
prejudice against him. "Are there
my more jurymen who have a
prejudice against your whispered
he young lawyer. "No, boss, the
nry am all right, but | want you
0 challenge the ledge. has been
onvicted under him seberal times
lready, and maybe he is beginnin'
D have prejudice agin me-"