Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-09-27

"Oludu udl uiu SuC
have on?
1t always has a remarkably telling eff
feet to confide secret to woman.
''The Saratoga walk" is the latest ago
ny. It probably has great deal of spring
to it.
Henry Burgh expects to get indictments
against all the street railways who use
bobtailed cars in fly time.
1t is wrong to speak of respectable
embezzeler'' as a"good man gone wrong"
He is bad man found out.
''What shall we do with our skating
rink?" asks contemporary. They would
make first-rate livery stables.
The rule of the hammock seems to be
to work both ways. At any rate, it al
ways reverses when person gets into it.
Wayfarers in Michigan are attracted as
well by the letter as by the spirit of the
sign OF East Jordan: "Knew syder for
caille"
The story-writer, Robert Grant, pro-
duces his romances with a typewriter.
We should like to know who turns the
crank.
A rattlesnake was found in Georgia,
twined around the handle of a jug. Pro-
hibition at the south had made him des-
perate.
An optical illusion-Paying a peddler
two dollars for a pair of ofeyeglasses which
| can be bought at the store for seventy-five
cents.
A local milliner advertises ''Bonnets
at cost the remainder of the season." We
thought there was ''cost" enough about
a bonnet all through the year.
A young man who has recently been on
short voyage, where he suffered greatly
for breakfast several mornings was a
| chop sea.
''That's what I call hush money! re-
marked the daddy when he planked down
the cash for a bottle of paregoric to take
home for the use of the infantile portion
of the family.
Employer (to collector)-See Mr.
Smith? Collector-O, yes. Employer
Was he annoyed at your calling upon
him? Collector-Not bit. He asked
me to call again.
elbow can worthy young man get a
start in life?" This oft-repeated question
wearies us. We are able to think of moth
ing at present that gets away with the
old-fashioned bent pin.
Wicker corsets are the latest things in
feminine wearing apparel, They wont
do. No editor, at least, could bear the
idea of seeing woman, lovely woman go
ing into the waist basket.
Mrs. Mulligan-And so you have nc
mother now? Motherless boy-No, mum
Mrs. Mulligan-Well, my boy, whenever
you feel the need of good licking, come
to me, and I'll be mother TO you.
She was crank on the subject of mu
sic. A gentleman knocked at her doc
and asked: "Does Mr.. Smith live here?
'sNo, sir, his room is an octave higher
in the next fat" she replied, in pianis
simo andante of voice.
"Why, my dear!' exclaimed wife il
surprise, ''You have forgotten something
You have not asked the blessing" 'sYe
have, too," blufiy responded the hus
band. 'I've asked the Lord to bless thi
old ham all I'm a-goin to-
The most extraordinary incident of alb
sentmindedness is told of clergyman
who forgot that he was about in the mid
die of prayer and sat down. In mo
ment lie arose, and, pointing to the amaz
! ed congregation, said, sOh, by the way
amen.''
A farmer sent a dollar for lightnin,
potato bug killer, which he saw adver
tised in paper, and received by retur
mail two blocks of wood, with direction
printed on as follows: ssTake this block
which is No. /, in the right hand, plac
the bug on block No. 2, and press then
together Remove the bug and procee,
as before