The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-02-25
THE MERRY SlDEI

Ohio was a locomotive engineer.
4x+
Anxious InouireI-The crime of the Chimes
is that thew work-a terrible crime in itself.
The Attorney -GeneIal seems to have proven
heavy Garland around the Presidents neck.
Boiling, of Newark, wants new trial. Lei
him appeal his case to the other side OF j oroan
-
We are in favor of letting Sullivan and Ryar
flight TO a finish"-that is till they are both
finished.
Dan Dalton has quit running the State, fo
the time being He is now trying to keep ou
of prison.
Sam. Jones says if he had to "keep saloon o.
steal, he'd steal" You would if you kept a sa'
loon, too, Sam.
The quickest scene-shifter the world ever sa
was the school-boy that placed tack IN the
teachers chair.
Columbus correspondents accuse the Legisla'
ture of being slow. Just hold on, till we nnc
out who's elected.
The Hamilton County Investigating Commit
tee adjourned "since die"-from which we infer
that the "die" is cast.
81 will climb on top of the figure Z, and be
something!'' said Democracy. But it rolled
down signing ''alas, am J"
A Washington paper calls the Hon. A. G.
Thompson s'the tall corn-stalk of the Scioto.'
But he presents mighty solid grain.
Col. Blanton Duncan, of Mississippi, writes OF
the "degraded condition of the Southern negro =
Colonel, who made him degraded?i
They have invented patent shotgun for
dispensing mobs. That's all right, as long as
the mobs don't get that kind of guns.
+ss
''Thirty Representatives to speak upon the
Silver BILL" Let the epitaphs of the victims be
"Died.from Natural Gas Explosion"
The signal flags in the inland towns are nice
things. man has only to go out and look at
the flag, to tell whether it is cold or not.
The Portsmouth Tribune says jackson is
"wild over polo" That's a mistake. Some OF
our citizens were, but they are tame now.
Rhey Boyd says his drunkenness was not the
cause of his wifes suicide. The reporter says
Rhey was drunk when he made the denial.
"The ten-year-old Emperor of China wants a
wife," says news item. Bear with the boy
he'll know better when he gets little older.
Some construction boats sank in the mouth
of the Mississippi. Money and energy have at
last made it deep enough there to sink fiat
boat.
1t is presumed political skulduggery reached
bottom when Hamilton county officials made a
big swindle in buying piano for the poor
house.
Sam. Jones says he "wouId rather be an old
maid than the wife of drunkard." But Sam.
never was an old maid. That's the reason he
talks that way.
They were speaking of dead grocer when the
kind-hearted old lady remarked "Ah, yes, he
was good enough fellow, but didn't like his
weighsr'
Wallace Ross and Plaisted, oarsmen, will try
to row the whirlpool rapids, at Niagara, next
Summer. After that the place will be called
whirl-fool rapids.
George @. Cannon, the Mormon, has been ar
rested. Now trot out your man who is without
sin, and Wen give old George the grandest
stoning ever wicked man got.
There's no accounting for tastes Every few
fathers coachman-whose only attraction is
that he smells like stable.
George Washington's nurse has at last died,
for good, in Canada. She was one hundred and
twenty years old, had new natural teeth, and
her wool had changed from white to black.
Charles Hill, of Urbana, Ohio, carried po
tato in his pocket. and it "cured him of rheum-
atism and heart disease" Still carry it, Char
ley! 1t hasn't cured you of lying yet:
The Investigating Committee should make
no note of the testimony of the man who says
he refused two hundred dollars to go fishing on
election day. People will think it is fish
story.
The surgeons of the Austrian army are vac
cinating ninety-three thousand recruits. Twen-
ty years hence and every survivor will be an
applicant for pension, on account of these
wounds.
Sherman thinks "if Smith had lived Grant
might not have been heard of after Doneson."
If Grant had never lived, would Sherman have
been heard of after Pittsburg Landing?
-.
The Democratic objection to the admission of
Dakota probably lies in the fact that the Terri
tory is full of ofschool-houses, and these fatal
to Democracy.
IL. Miller, an honest Cincinnati Democrat,
says mot Democrat was elected at the recent
election, by some thousands" But Democrat
only claims election the more vehemently
when he knows he is beaten.
%&+
The Daniel of history would rather be cast
into den of beasts than tell lie. Cincinnati's
Daniel would rather go to jail than tell the
truth. Thus has Dem ocracy reformed the old
A correspondent of the Scientific American
is in the lead. He saw wood-pecker dig holes
in tree and hide acorns until it wore its beak
off, whe1, he mercifuIly shot it, He ought to
have blown into his gun before firing.
Frank Alexander, an old soldier at Centralia,
dropped dead from joy, on hearing
that he was about to receive pension. They
stand it better than that over this way.
A writer in the Commercial Gazette who
claims to have served one year as a private,
declares that "John c. Fremont was incompe-
tent" His 1ncompetency consisted in running
after the Rebels.
Cincinnati has an artist who won the prize
for the prettiest design ofa monument to r. E.
Lee. She also has an artist who can make the
uglicst figure of any man in the world. Gin
cinnati art is ahead
Parson Downs and his lawyers captured the
Baptist Ministers Convention in Boston. They
got the ministers solid, but the latter wouldn't
let go of them until they were hastily moving
out of the building.
Kentucky poetess sings "He brought me
heart one morning" Well, If you had pres
ence of mind enough to boil it with potatoes
an / turnips, you had a square meal, if it didn't
cost him but ten cents, at the butcher-shop.
eve fought all along the line,'' said the
farmer, "until it seemed we could fight no
longer"
"And were there many killed ?" asked
hearer, who supposed he referred to battle.
"Oh, no! 1t was Gabe an 1, fightin' over