The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, 1886-11-02
HUMOR.


A TRADE union-a marriage oetweon
business rivals to promote trade.
"MA1D and moonshiner" must be
handmade, like moonshine whisky.
WHEN bow-legged men quarrel cpl
thets are banded as we'll as their legs.
A "sTlLL" alarm is sounded to ad-
monish moonshiners of the approach
of the Government police Tenas
Strings.
Il AM q circus wag in myself" said
the clown, az he joined tho procession
of gaudily painted chariots.-1eras
Strings.
The editors chief recreation in the
summer time is the perusal of circu-
lars and pamphlets describing the
beauties of vacation resorts. -LoceU
Citizen.
THE ordinary American woman can
form some idea of the social standing
of her new neighbors when the furni-
ture wagons unload, of course, but she
is v really certain about them until
after the hired girl has hung out the
first wash.-Somerrille journal.
FAIR Traveier-What does this mean?
The expressman says he can't find nv
trunk. Here is the check for it. Bag
gageman-The trouble is, ma'am, that
you changed cars too often. The check
and part of the handle has arrived, but
the other pieces haven't got along yet.
Omaha World.
MAMMA-"Now, Efie, 1 nm going to
allow you to sit at the table with all
the company, but you must not forget
to be polite and say. eyes, please"
and 'No, thank you" Efhe-(with an
unlimited capacity for dinner)-"AlI
right, ma, but I don't think I shall
have to say, emo, thank you."- The
Judge.
AN Austin merchant, as a personal
favor, took the son of a wealthy GEN
tleman into his office to learn the bust
ness, giving him the cash book to keep.
"Does the cash account balauce?"
asked the merchant, at the end of the
first day. "Oh, yes, s%plendidly. There
are even $40 or $50 too much."-Yeras
Sittings.
MANS A FOOL.
AS a rule
Mans n fool.
Whom its hot
He wants it cool;
When it's cool
He wants it hot;
Always wanting
What it's not;
Never liking
hat he's got.
maintain,
AS a rule,
Mans a fool.
-AavsuiNe tCdi.) appeal.
SM1rH-"Robinson was looking for
you to-day, Brown. He leaves for the
West tomorrow morning, whore he
intends to remain, and he wanted to
collect that twenty-five dollars you owe
him" Brown-"Yes, I saw him a
little while ago. I promised to forward
him the money next week." Smith
In what part of the West does he
expect to settle?" Brown-"I don't
know. I didn't ask him."-LJe.
DURING the war, the people of Arka-
delphia, Ark, kept up their religious
REVEALS. They argued that the Yam
KEGS might keep out sugar and coffee,
but that they couldn't keep out the
Lord. Among the most fervent of the
~revivalists was old Sister Boyle. With
out her, no revival could hope to be q
success; and, whenever there was the
least drawback, she was called upon to
pray. One night, at a meeting, the
mourners were slow in "comin'
through" Sister Boyle was called up
on. She took n position near the altar,
knelt down, raised her hands, and said:
I"Oh, Lord, w are in great distress.
We have tried rye, Drowned potatoes,
parched corn, okery, and man. other
things, trying to get q coffee ia te out
of 'em, but, Lord, Thou knowest as
we'll as We do that parched corn an SIGN
lacks a right smart of being colee, so
now, Lord, knowing all this, please
open the blockade an let the Lincoln
coffee pour in, an we'll praise thee
early an late. acknowledgements
ITaCe[er.