Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-10-20
Tim Price and the Hornets.

an AK you Ter pipe NV tobacco.
Certainly Tim," l replied, as 1
proceeded to at once fill the pipe. l
knew that Tim was lying. l knew
that pipe full of tobacco was not
what he was after because-well, the
plainest reason is the best-he never
told the truth.
"If you don't mind I'll take cheer
an set yere an smoke bit, an take
hern home to her in bit NV paper,
er poke, or anything yere hev hanny
to do it up in. The ole woman he'd
right-smart of tobaccy laid by-dryeD;
but somehow or other, undeknownst
to her, string NV red pepers that
wuz ahangen over the chimbly piece
fell inter it an got mixed like. She
flowed it wuz ALFRED hot smoker
but she KEEP usen on ic till all the
young uns hez pink eyes an my dog
Spider gifts up off the h'arth an
makes for the door every time he secs
her rake fer coal to light her pipe
"Twere kinder hot. She didn't
mind it, though. She useter take a
haul at it, an then 60 to the well.
But she he'd to give it up this mornen',
fer the well bucket come loose-down
the well-an' you can't smoke that
tobacco when waiter is skeerce. /
tried it bout eight days back, an |
thought &wuz hetted red ez ole Doc
tor Mansey sez feller's diagram is.
| haint right tempered yit. Derned
if | didn't think I'd swallowed an
ole-fashioned slitted tin lantern an
hit lighted.
"Hit did me good turn t'other
day, though-that hetted tobacco did.
Thar wuz a hornets nest bout ez big
ez kag hanen' on to the ridge pole
NV my cabin. They'd got kinder
unreasonable Nv late-poken at the
young uns an techen' up the ole
woman. She got jawey bout it; she
he'd a cheek on her then bout ez big
ez goose egg frum bitten on a hornet
thet wuz sticken' pinted end out NV
an apple she bit into. Lord Colonel,
you jiSt oughter seed her spit. /
swan, our cat Absolum-a spitten' at
a stranger dog wuzent no tech to her.
She wuz kinder thick Nv tongue, an
couldn't say nothen' nohow, 'cept
mumblen like, fer bout a week
mush, an money, an murder, an sich
words. How | did laugh at her
tastin' Nv that hornet. Sez l, 'Ole
woman, don't git riled about it.
Mind what the Scripture sez, sez 1.
With my sayen' that she fotched me
long side the head with the coffee
biler that fatted it out till l had
right smart trouble gittin' the AK ham
mel inter the top to straiten it out
agin-it were so smashed. Take that,
Mr.. Price, sez she, AN if you hev ez
much religion ez you lets on to know,
wheel t'other side av your grinnen,
red, wrinkly up face round yer, an
I'll hit you another un.' She's on
reasonable when she's hornetted-
bout Scriptur.
That's powerful good tobacco NV
yourn Colonel. l don't mind eff l do
take another pipe Nv it.
"Well, ez l wuz sayin', the ole
woman wuz jawen long Nv the hor-
nets nest, an wanted me to kill 'em,
| studied on it a couble NV days
'tain't no use ketchin' hornets in
hurry-how I'd circumnavigate 'em
thar wuz only one Nv me, an ther wuz
about 1000 hornets. All in a suddint
hit come into my head that I'd try
the ole woman's hetted tobaccy on 'em
I knowed it 'ud blind 'em fer
week, anyway, an me an the children
could cotch 'em by the safe end if
they venturcd out. When night
come, an they wuz all to hum, / piled
up lot NV bar'ls In the cabin, fer
kind NV scaffoldin', an then climbed
up on n cheer, an got atop Nv 'em,
right under the hornets nest, Then
l lighted pipe Nv the ole woman's
hetted tobaccy, an blowed blast NV
it squar into the hole. / never heerd
such a ruction in my life-sneezen'
an coughen' an buzzen. Purity soon
the5 hornets jined tumblin' out in
coubles. an reckon / must hev been
kinder keerless gittin' away frum 'em,
fer | upset the bar' scaffoldin' an
down | come. | reckon | must hev
turned more'n forty somersalts afore
/ laid steady. When | come to the
ole woman wuz pourin' me outen a
bar'l that I'd lit in, head first, an two
on the children wuz rolled out Aat.
Hits a fact, Colonel. My dog Spi-
der's tail is ez fiat ez palm yet.
Mex mornin' ther wuzent hornet
no whar. thought it were kinder
Gurus. | got saplin' an | poled
down thenest. Hit busted open when
it fell, and thar wnz ball NV hornets
ez big ez my head an ez solid ez
cabbage. list ninfedly stuck together |