News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-02-04
FLATTERY.

Mr.. Fauxpas to young lady)-"Ah,
Miss Charmante, have just come from
the side of Mrs. Smith, who has been
asking me about the beautiful young
lady al the flower table"
Miss G. (appearing to busy herself in
arranging some flowers)-"Have you
never known how detest fattery2"
Mr.. F. (who thinks he may have
blundered) -"Oh, but really, you know,
it is dark over where she is sitting.
One can hardly see you."-Harper's
BazGr.
ONLY HALF LOADED.
Guest-"Why don't you beat your
steak before cooking it? This seems to
be rather tough"
Waiter Beating doesn't help our
steak. We do better than that. We
put it on the railway track and let
freight train run over it; but this morn
ing the train was only half loaded, and
consequently the steak is not quite as
tender as it ought to be. ."--St. Louis
Whip.
IN THE HALLWAY.
''Say, Mr.. Gogglesop, what do you
come TO our uOuSO So OlJCu lOIf
Gogglesop (patronizingly = "Now,
Nommy, you must ask your sister Clara
that, when she comes into the par
lor-just ask her."
"Well, did, and she said she'd be
blest if she knew. Philadelphia Press
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
WE NAV not like hotel keepers, but
we have to put up with them.
If you only practice long enough at
setting a steel trap, you will be sure to
get your hand in.
FULL many a feather on a woman's hat,
Once loomed up on ROSTERS keel!
Full many a seal skin covered once cat,
Good gracious, cakes; how big Us women
feel
'FRITz, how much do you love me,
this mornlng2" asked Uncle Ned. Gas
much as l would hold if was all tooken
out of myself" was the comprehensive
reply.
On, Mummy dear, do love you, oh,
80 much! No one could tell you how
much love you; no, not even the big
gest story teller that ever lived. Might
nave an applef
A CITIZEN of Hope, Indiana, dropped
dead day or two ago while washing
his hands and face. And yet, says a
local paper some people will persist in
fooling with water.
PRop1B1TIoN in Georgia is said toslave
developed liquor flask with cover
made to look like book. And, like a
book, its contents is frequently red
which ''maketh full man."
"OH, Arthur, how happy I would be
alone with you on a quiet island in
distant ocean!'' "Have you any other
wish, dearest Ella2" "0h, yes, do get
me a season ticket for the opera"
"OH, yes, Lizzie and were made one
in New York" exclaimed a newly
married man, to a friend on the cars.
."Traveling west?" eyes, going to
Chicago" "Ah, going to be made two
again. My congratulations.
SUPERINTE DE t ito little GIRL
'Now, my dear, how can you best show
your appreciation to your parents for
the liberal education they have given
Sir"
BLoBBs-'M Morning, Dobbs. Hang
up your stocking Christmas EveP
Dobbs-''No. Hung up my watch
Wife wanted new pair of gold brace
lets for a present, and 1 had to, to gel
'em
''GooD morning, Mrs Gilligan; how
is Patrick, this morninP "Sure he!
no better, sir" ''Why don't yod send
him to the hospital to be treatedP
"To be treated, is it9 Faith, an its the
delirium trimmins he has already"
AT party one evening, Sully, the
painter, was speaking of belle who
was great favorite. "Ah, " said Sully,
"she has a mouth like an elephant.
ooh, Mr.. Sully, how can you be SC
rude2" Crude, ladies, rude What dc
you mean2 say she has got a moutf
like an elephant, because it is full o
ivory.
'I FEEL very sorry for Judge Yates
of Peoria" !You do?" eyes. Yol
know he tried to kill himself a littl
while ago and failed" eyes" "Well
now, see he has gone to Canada.
tell you, there is a touch of pathos Il
the spectacle of man trying in vain t
90 somewhere else and finally having t
| Oh m Canada