Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-02-04
Celestial lHumOr.
China Review

4 IL
some of which are interesting be-
cause they are identical with stories
of western civilization, while others
have a peculiarly Celestial accent:
Two persons over a stove on a cold
day, warming themselves, were over
heard indulging in the following dia-
logue: No. 1, apathetic, and given
to verbiage, addressed No 2, reputed-
~ hot-tenpered and decisi re, whose
| clothes he noticed smoldering, as fol-
lows: My dear friend, there is some
thing | would like to speak to you
about; I have seen it for some time,
and all along I have wanted to tell
you, but, as people say your temper is
fiery, hesitated on the other hand,
II do not speak you may be loses
so have come to the conclusion a
last to ask your permission to do So.
''Out with it." said the other. "Well,
your clothes are burning" mildly
continued No. /. "Why the deuce, :"
cried No. 2 IN g. passion, as he observ-
ed considerable damage already done,
i'could you rot speak at once?" 1T
is true then what people say; what a
emper he has got" muttered No. 1,
as he lazily moved off.
a WOodcutter was at work in coz
cert with his SOD, while his little
grandchild played near them. The
old man accidentally cut the old mans
finger, whereupon the irate sufferer
called his father a blind old fool.
You son of dog!" cried the little
boy, how dare you abuse your
father?"
The following is told OF an incorrig-
IDLY idle offspring of a literary father.
A youngster, having a great disin"
clination to study, was shut up in a
closet, with strict injunctions to apply
himself. Stealing near, the parent,
TO his delight, heard the boy droning
over his book, and was presently still
more pleased by hearing the supposed
student exclaim, ST understand 1t. !"
The excited father rushed in, crying
out, Il am proud, my son, that you
have at last mastered that work. {"
Yes, always thought books were
written but to-day | found they are
printed"
"Coma home to dinner," cried a
good housewife to her husband at
work in field. "Ail right, he shout
ed, ''as soon as I have hid my hoe. :"
At dinner his wife demonstrated with
him for shouting so loudly about hid
ing his hoe. II ana certain" said she,
1.-The neighbors have heard you, and
someone has already stolen it. "Struck
with the remark, the man returned to
the field, and sure enough the hoe was
gone. On returning to his house, in
pressed with the widom of her caution
he whispered in his wife's ear, "the
hoe is stolen."
The following inlpr0mtu, though
consequent on a fall, can not be look
ed on as the outcome of deficient un-
| Outstanding. a man stumbled and
fell. Toying to rise, he again fell.
Hang it, he cried, ''if / had known
] was to fail again, [ would not have
tried 10 get up,"
A woman was tanning the corpse of
her husband, and being asked by the
neighbors why she famed dead man
In the middle of winter, she replied
my husbands last words were, wife
wait till [ am cold before you marry
again. "
The feminine propensity for con
cepling age, and resenting imperti-
nent questions in regard to it, is COM
mon to all times and nationaIities {:
but this does not detract frona cur ad-
miration of the trick by which the
truth was got at it in the following
instance: A man, newly married,
thought, when his wife unveiled for
the first time, that she looked rather
old and wrinkled. Telling ner SO,
he asked her real age, when she re-
piled, as or 49," you wrote in the
marriage contract 80 years" said he,
''bJft you look even more that IS or
AS" At last she admitted So. The
husband was still doubtful; SO he be-
thought himself of stratagem for
getting at the truth. Jumping up he
said, Il must cover up the salt be-
fore going to bed, or else the rats will
eat it all before morning" "WaIl, :"
said his wife. laughing, 81 have heard
of and seen many strange things Ia
the sixty eight years of my life, but
l never saw or heard of rats eating
salt before"
A spirit about to be re-embodied
was, at the final interview with the
lord of hades, informed that he was
to be born into rich family, and
would become very wealthy. 81 don't
want it, said the spirit, 81 ust give me
enough for food and clothes, that is
sufficient" mo, no." was the reply;
''you must have at least a few thous-
and dollars; it would never do to let
you have too easy a life"
4 noted liar once told a friend that
he had at home three precious things:
bullock which could ruu one thous-
and miles day; fowl which crowed
at the beginning of each watch, day
and night, and dog that could read
books. The friend intimated that he
would lose no time in seeing, with
his own eyes, these marvels. The
man did not expect this as his house
was somewhat distant; so he went
home and told his wife that he had got
caught at last, and that tomorrow
the man would arrive and he would
be disgraced. 'Never mind" said
his spouse, "leave that to me; it will
be all right; only you must keep out