The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-05-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

An Atlanta man is dying from the
bite of mule. When mule becomes
dangerous at both ends it is time to
the political conundrum,
WHITTIER are we driftingP Norris
town Herald.
At the club, u m.-'.Ah, Chappie.
glad to see YOU. say, could you lend
me $40? l want to go out for bit OF
breakfast" Certainly, dear boy; but
you had better take $15-you may want
q cigar, YOU know. ."-Rdnabler.
An old lady who died recently in Lon
don bequeathed to the doctor VINO had
attended her for the last thirty-tve
years a huge box containing all the
bottles of medicine he had ever sent her
unopened. The doctor cannot under
stand, for the life of him, what caused
her death.-Boston Trqnscrtpt.
Jamie (aged e)-rm going to get |
Baby to say my prayers for me. Mann
ma-Why don't you say them yourselfp
Jamie-'Cause God will pay more ten
ton to Baby. Mamma-Why so? Jamie |
cause Baby's just come from Heaven
little while ago and he's better quaint
ed with God than ANN y Graphic.
First train-robber-Is this train the
one we are waiting for? Second train
robber-No; this only carries couple
of millions of gold to the San Francisco
Mint 1t is the next train. First train
robber-What's on the next train? Sec
ond train-robber-As sleeping-car porter
with a whole weeks earning in his
Philadelphia Call.
The shooting season has set In, and
the average boy begins to worry the life
out of his parents for a gun with which,
in all human probability, the boy will
either cripple himself or somebody else.
Father" said Johnny Fizzletop, cant
YOU spare money enough to get me
gunp'' ''My son, when l can spare a
boy Pll get you gun."
They were arguing about the useful
ness of using tobacco. ''What would
you think" said the minister, impress
sivcly, ''if you met an angel coming
down the street with cigar in his
mouthP' "What." retorted the sinner,
"would you think if you saw one in
plug hat and PAIR of ear-muffs coming
up the streetP"-Losoeu (Mass.) Citizen.
whats that?" asked Bibo, as the
doctor brought out a peculiar-looking
instrument That's laryngoscope, )"
"Whats it forP'' ITO look down the
patients throat with" .'Are you going
to try it on meP" asked Bibo, anxiously.
..Nonsense," said Mrs. Bibo, ''the doctor
doesn't use laryngoscope to look into
a distillery" And Bibo turned away
his head and breathed slowly and softly
in the direction of the fireplace
Brooklyas Eagle.
In summing the honors let not the
patient and heroic mule as factor in the
south's great redemption be overlooked.
Beneath our summers sun, half fed,
often unjustly treated, he has titled the
soil. covered in cotton, plowed it,
packed it, ginned il, hauled it to town,
and served as security upon his masters
note for 10! these many, many years.
Whole families have lived upon his indi.
vidual labor and been clad with pur-
chases effected under his good name. II
the left-handed soldier who has idled
away hundred years upon our coat-of-
arms is ever banished we shall move to
put in his stead the patriot mule.-Ma.
con (Ga.) Telegraph.
There is no end to the funny things
that are seen and heard by the teachers
10 our public schools. Once a teacher
observed huge blot of ink on boys
copybook. What is that?'' he dc.
manded. 'Sure, ! think it's tear, sir '
'.A tearP How could tear be black?'
''Sure. think wan o. the colored boys
dropped it, sir.'' For the comfort OF
children who know what it is to b.
clustered" this is the laughable reply
of a very bright and accomplished lad,
teacher who was passing purely forma
examination in physiology. .Where il
the alimentary canal?" was demanded
Really" was the pleasant reply, q
forgot whether it is in Indianapolis o.
Illinois. San Francisco Argonaut.
81 think it's shameful, and if 1 wer'
you l, wouldn't stand it." They wer'
gossiping friends and the conversation
had turned confidentially on their hus
bands. 20, don't know" "Well, Il
heard my husband say to another WON
an what your husband said to her, II
kill him and get divorce" "But wha
did he say to herp' He told her sh,
was just the sweetest thing living; tha
her hair was like shining gold, and he
eyes were heavenly and her figure di
vine nd-and-and-" 30, that ism
much. He didn't mean anything.
What! You sit there and listen ant
say he didn't mean anything! Well,
never!'' That's what he told me be
fore we were married. / know b
didn't mean it then, and don't believ
he does now. son Francisco Chroil
scle.
81 saw an exciting glove contest las
night" remarked the snake editor, a
he took off his number eleven ear-muffs
''Where was it?' asked the sportin
editor, with great interest. Il don't Sc
it in the morning papers" mo. wa
the only newspaper chap there. - That
good; we'll have a scoop on it." g.
clean scoop. Are you ready for the de
tailsP" "Yes; go ahead" 1T was il
Allegheny IAN right. Got it down.
''On Federal street" Federal streetP
In surprise "Yes; on Federal street. Il
a store. A Troy Hill woman was tryin
to get a number four glove on a numbe
seven hand. o, it was exciting" Tn
sporting editor turned wearily away
Pattsburg Chronicle.
The Boston Transcript submits thi
as genuine boys composition: '.Wha
a pleasant place theatre is for instanc
business man in the business world t
drop into and Join another world c
wrapt,lre and delight with rays of per
feet sunshine gazing ON beautiful wood
green fields and imagine your very nos
rtrils are filled with the fragrance of th
flowers when in reality it is cold win
ters day in janerary the winds whistlin
around the building making the win
dows pains clatter you do not mind an
are so absorbed with the world within
listing to love passion and dispair yo
do not think of anything but the pla
and for two hours your business cai1
are gone thus it is at the Makodo. HOY
many people enjoy themselves in seein|
good play"
An old farmer from Amboy, Osweg
County, took great interest in the traine
dogs which appeared at the Grand Ope
IA House few weeks ago. 81 used t
have dog" said the farmer, .'whic
was the most knowing and intellectus
dog you ever see. He could tell abor
what time it was by the clock just q
well as could. He would run into th
house in the afternoon without saying
word to anybody and look up at th
clock, and if it wasn't 5:15 he'd go o