The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-02-18
WIT AND HUMOlS.

Magistrate te-Eyer been arrested be
fore? Prisoner No. sab. Magistrate
-Di,ln't send you 10 the island last
winter for ten days? Prisoner de
Glars to goodness. now | looks ut yo'
jeAge. | 'lieres eo' did. But i~e poo
han 10 member faces.-N Y. san.
Some Que placed u piece Of Limbmger
cheese in the lining of Il Santa Cruz
merchant 5 hat this week. and the mer-
chant has been loudly proclaiming that
the city needs a sewer system right
away. as the smell OF sewer gas is some
thing awful.-Santd cruz (GatJ SEN
zinsf
In Iowa there lives man who draws
a pension because ten years ago his
wife struck him with a broomstick.
Under this arrangement. if the editor
OF this paper lived in Iowa, he would
be entitled to two pensions and a COM
Portable home for life-Quitznan (Ga).
Free Press.
Tramp Cat the back door)-Will you
please give me something TO eat? WO-
man-Not thing. Tramp-Nor nuth-
in to drinka Woman-Nor nuthin to
drink. Tramp-No cast-off clothes.
Woman-None. Tramp-Well. would
you tell poor, unfortunate man what
time it is?-St PaM Globe:
.'Why. Palette. old boy said Robin
son. heartily. ''where have YOU been
lately; out of town?>' '.Ya'a as. = replied
Palette, ''been up along the line of the
Hudson painting little bits of scenery
trees. rocks, and that sort of thing, YOU
know .sAh ah! Patent medicine
ads. l supposedly. T. Times.
20, Mr. Van Duden,' said a young
.ludine at the opera recently, ''doesn't
this music make you surge?' .'Ah, yas
believe it's gwand." ..It is so tender
ly, wonderfully. exquisitly perfect; it
makes me wave all over" High tide
said disguised listener, and the con-
versation stopped.-Philadelphia Press.
She was wading across the mud on
Woodward avenue, when butcher cart
came along and splashed her from bon
net to shoes. A pedestrian who wit
messed the accident pulled out his hand
kerchief and said: ''Beg pardon, but
let me wipe some of it off, - 20 thanks,n
she replied. s'but never mind the mud.
If YOU feel it a duty to do something in
the case, please mention some of the
leading cuss words now in use!'-De-
tr0it Free Press.
Mrs. Singsong, entertaining Baron
Won Stoopid of Berlin at dinner, regaled
him with Il funny story she had read in
the newspaper which, unfortunately, he
had heard before at somebody's else
dinner ..Ah, hat''' he laughed-think-
ing to observe the fashionable club ex-
preston in this country governing Joe
Millers-''Ah, hal Meeses Singsono, dot
ish-vat you call him?-a doughnuds,
aind idan The titled foreigner meant
.,ehestnut ~. Y MaH.
81 hear" he said to boy who was
hanging around a Woodward avenue
grocery the other day. ''that your folks
hlHe had some good luck. Yes, we
h.ve that" was the answer. Your
n.other was left $500 by the death OF
al aunt, they say. 10, no, sir. That
h ,ppened next door to us. Our good
lick was in having dad sent up for
three months and giving the family =
chance to recuperate. We Just feel
rich. we dot''-Dctr0t Free Press.
A New York merchant advertised for
a cashier A well-dressed gentleman
applied for the position. The merchant
looked over his references and said:
stEour credentials are excellent, but |
would like TO ask you a question"
Certainly, sir" ''Have you been vac
cinated?" Yes. sir. That will do.
We have no use for your services. The
pllly cashier who can be relied on to
any extent whatever is the one who is
afraid Of the Canadian smallpox"
Il beg your pardon, SIR said tray
elar TO felloW-passenger, 'but is not
your name Smith, No, sir. was the
reply; my name is Alonrose." 'Ex-
cuse me. My mistake" Certainly.
Don't mention it It's not very hattel>-
ing to ones pride and self-respect," Mr
A1ontrose added with smile. Ito be
classed among the great plebeian army
of Smiths, but such mistakes will occur.
Er-will you favor me with your name.
sir?" Eyes; my name is Smith. IN T.
Sun.
The curious workings of the infantile
mind were brought out by the remark
of a 4-year-old girl the other day. A
very near friend of the family was
Miss j., who is noted for her charities
and many good works. Among other
things she had Sunday-school class in
which the infant mentioned was very
Interesting member. The other night,
the yOungster had finished her PRAYERS,
she kept very quiet for a moment, and
then, turning to her mother, asked:
Mamma, is Miss j. sister of God ?''-
Boston Record.
The San Francisco Society of Lady
Artists is having a great time it
doesn't know whether to call itself
LADY" artists or woman artists 1t
has long been local habit to take ma
trimonial squabbles and all matters re-
quiring peculiar tinesse and exquisite
Establishment to Gen. Barnes. Ac-
cordingly one of the ladies thought she
would do clever thing and get the
general to settle the vexed question of
names. So she stated the case to him..
After mature deliberation, partly over
the matter in hand and partly over u
complicated shot ut billiards. the gen
eral rendered his decision: avoid
both Names" said he why not be
original and euphonious and call YOUR
selves the San Francisco Society of She
Painters?" There was a rustic of stylish
petticoats and a sudden chilling vacan-
ey in the apartment.-San E'runcisco
Post
Some of the railways down this way
are still little shaky. The old Jerk
water Line is especially loose in the
joints. A commercial traveller who
came in yesterday relates little expert
ence while bounding over the road.
I'VE were whooping along he said.
sat the rate of about seven miles an
hour. and the old train was weaving
terribly. | expected every minute to
see my bones protruding through my
skin. Passengers were rolling from one
end of the car to the other. | held on
like grim death to the arms of my seat.
Presently we settled down to quiet run
ning-at least | could keep my hat on
and my teeth didn't chatter. The con-
ductor was in hailing distance. |
Cooked up with a ghastly smile, wishing
10 appear cheerful, and said: we are
going little smoother, l see Yes
said the conductor, we re off the track
NOW -OglethoIpe (Ga.) Castanet.
A short time since a gentleman who
Hved in small town not far from Bufia-