Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-08-14
HUMOR.

Coop staying qualitie,-the girl with
4 small waist.
"PM we'll backed with silver" as the
looking glass said.
TRUSTING to chants expecting to
get to heaven by singing.
A MAN who starts newspaper with
The expectation that his relatives will
subscribe for it is we'll qualified for a
position somewhere as rusher in
where angels fear to tread. -EstelHne
Bell.
WHAT'S the population of Chicago ?"
asked gentleman of citizen. Not
less than 700, 900 SOULS" was the reply.
But l want the total population. Not
simply those with souls"
II AN surprised at the appearance OF
your friend 3. He looks wretched.
Do you know if he has been disap-
pointed in love?" NO; he has been
disappointed in marriage"
AN Irishman in strange town stood
looking at strange vessel. "M here
are you from, Pat?" "Begorra, sir, I'm
from anywhere but here he replied,
"and lll soon be from here, too, sir"
BETSY, an old colored cook, was
moaning around the kitchen, when
her mistress asked her if she was i'll.
NO, maam, not 'zactly," said Eetsy
"But de fac is, l don't feel ambition
'nough to get out of my own way"
GRATITUDE.
How common is ingrntitude!
8 common as lis hateful
Who nre for favors grateful,
Whose memory of benefits
Is like n star that never $, ts
Boston CoG''ier.
Mrs. PANTINGToN, after attending a
country church in winter, remarked
that the text was very appropriate. but
some how the parson did not refer TO
it il his sermon. The text, as it caught
the old lady's ears, was: "Many are
cold, but few are frozen"
SMALL boy Ito sisters suitor): "Do
you always carry an umbrella, Mr.
Fresh?" Mr.. f.: Certainly not. F."
S. b.: "Then you must get awfully
wet sometimes" Mr.. F.: "Why So 2"
S. B.: Cause sis says she doesn t
think you have sense enough to go in
when it rains. u Boston Courier.
DE JoNEs-I wish ] could afford to
board at better place than Mrs.
Grindham's. Snilkins-"We;l, there's
no use in mans quarreling with
his bread and butter, rs the saying
goes" Snitkins-"lo, particularly
the butter. A man should know better
than to quarrel with anything as strong
as that!"
POLITICIAN (pointing to passer-by,
and addressing fr enll-"There goes
the man we want for chairman of the
convention" Friend-"Who, Patter-
son? Why, he is rather deaf" Poll
tician- That's why we want him for
chairman. He belongs to our faction,
and won't hear any motion that is not
to our interest. Best chairman, when
he happens to be on the right side,
ever saw. "-ArkansalU TRACER.
TIE new boarder had ordered an
early breakfast, and the new cook had
served II m by putting the entire
Easter bre .kfast before him. When
the mistress entered he had just arisen
from tho table. Madam" said he,
"you are over generous. 1 managed to
bet away WIFI tne platCef OF eggs you
had me served With, but in the future
please bear in mind that eight or ten
eggs at q meal is ample for me."-
| YOnherS Gazette.
THE WANTS OF A MODERATE MAN.
He said he had no wish to be opulent with a
lank note rotuna, and distended, and cor.
| pulent; but he ddn wish to live like the
primitive Quakers, or butchers, or bakers
or NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS., but i'll q fine brown.
stone surrounded by statues, and set in a
lawn of some forty seven acres.
Applause for dear clothing is not worth the
winning he desired no wardrobe of purple
and linen; but he didn't Wish to 20 attired
like suilor, or dress in q unifonn suit
like jailer; anl all that he wished was
some two dozen changes made up in good
style by fashionable tailor.
DE wished no ich viands to gladden. his pept;cs,
or t. codd!e his stomach like cnion C dvs-
peptcs but he wished n cuisine and a
French cook to cater, professional ex-
pert, no mmonpace waiter no statu-
e5que boarding house, limbs Gle bungler
to scatter his chaos of pie and potato
He wished no small army of liveried depend
ents, no uniformed lackeys and cring ng
attendants; but he ddn wish to Ii like
b rmit or miser, but in plcnt ful leisure
as better and wiser; and some twenty SER
wants and forty good walters would make
life worth living Tor him and Eliza
Lynn Union.