Nevada County picayune., 1886-06-02
HUMOROUS.
He Fold Ills Love.

"No matter Ho" husS hlah may be he should find tine " ry tsay to ted his wife that he loves her.o
 noppleboiFrr dropped tue pa bcrand went to musing on inc gold en past. Visions of beauty fitted before him and made him sigh tsat the wheels of time should whl'l so sap,,ily. Once more he was |" voum5 man, iiriag on hope aud six dollars week, sparkling bis vile and sweating to love her until the mountains sank into tfe sea. One by one the buried years were res n-rected, and the joys and sorrows M each were lwelt upon.
 Just then the barber shouted "Nextw and lIoppleboTer reused np with start and got into the chair. .,s
 Ike man Of gab snid it was a nice day, but Ho?pleboiicr needed him not.
 The towel went under his chin and the lather weht on his lace, and the sable man who bcnt over him intimatcd tifat it looked a good deal like rain, but Hopple. boffer was too deep in thought to heed him.
 So the barber ls,tllcrca and scrap cd him ill silence, and iloppleboiier went right on with his mnsing.
 He was trying to remember the last time he had his tod lis wife that he loved her.
 He couldn't do 1t.
 But, after q long mental tussel, he made up his mind that he would do better iu the future; aud blurted out:
 MI do il. will, by George!
 What's that, siri' said the bar Der stopping suddenly, with his ra- zor in air.
 Hoppleboffcr blushed through the lather, and said It didn't mat ter. He had been ruminating on the newspaper paragraph, and was resolved that he would put it's teachings into actual practice from that day forward.
 He would turn over a new loaf and make his wife's heaIt bound with joy. He would tell her that she was dear to hlm, and watch the roses bloom in her cheeks again.
 The thought was delicious, and made him feel as though he had money in every pocket.
 Let us sec how the old man prospered in his undertaking.
 When Hoppleboffer got home his wife had just been having a noisy matinee with the hired girl, about something that hadn't been done to suit Ter, and she was just about mad enough to leave the prints of her teeth in cold iron. @ She bounced into the sitting room just as he entered, and threw herself into chair with an cmpha- sis that made the windows rattle and broke a spring in the nphols. tory.
 Hoppleboffer was too much ta- ken up with his new idea to notice her excitement, so he walked up to her side, chucked her softly un- der the chin, and, ns he stopped to kiss her, said quite terderly:
 My dear, love yon.' r
 
 "Simon HcnrAw said she in tones as cheerless as the dumping Of a ton of coal, ".lon't be fool"
 But, my dear"
 Don't you dare to dear me. You've been drinking again. Oh, you old reprobate! Ain't you ashamed of yourself. As thoush l sadn't trouble enough already, but ti,at you must"
 You are mistaken, my love, l."
 Not another word!n exclaimed the excited woman, with snapping eyes, as she stamped her foot. "You're a beast that's ust what you are. A good-for-nothing drum ken beast"
 Hoppleboffer tried 10 slip his arm around her waist and pull her OH his knee. She tore horselfaway from him and grabbed ehair, which she raised in threatening n,snnef as she shouted:
 "Keep sway. from me, you nasty thing. or you'll get hurt"
 ''i'm not drunk, my dear"
 "You are"