The Washington critic., 1886-07-17

We, who to mans estate have grown,
And know maturer Joys,
Remember how we loved to SEQ
The fights OF other boys.
Then Jimmie Laird called Tommle Cobb
A swear-word kind OF liar,
And Tomne Cobb said Jimmie Laird
Had canine dam aud sire.
Then Jimmie Laird was just that mad
At little Tommie Cobb,
He doubled up his naughty fist
And hit him on the Knob.
And Tommie tried to hit him back,
But Lewie Payson came
And pulled the little boys apart
And cried "For shamel For shamel
Oh, Jimmie Laird, you naughty boy,
You've cut poor Tommes face;
You both are wicked boys to fight
In such public place"
Then Tommie Cobb aud Jimmie Laird,
Each went and took his seat,
They felt oshamed OF what they'd done
BY getting in II heat;
And they were frightened too, as well,
Because their teacher said
He had mind to spank them both
And send them of to bed
MORAL.
Take warning all you little boys,
Who read the lines we write,
Say what you please when In the House,
But don't 90 out and light.
A barber is going to try the run through
the Niagara rapids. lie may make 1t by
close shave.
Mr.. G. ). Wolfe OF Pennsylvania has been
named as the probable Prohibition candi-
date for President, and yet one Of the planks
of the Prohibition platform is to keep the
wolf from the door by avoiding the use of
liquor.
Two dudes meeting on the Avenue:
First dude--Ilello, Birdie.
Second dude-IIello, Wormie.
Then silence came to heal the wounds OF
sound.
reet-boy-saay, Johnny, how did Cobb's
nose look after Laird hit itg
Other street-boy - with enthusiasm).
O-o-oh, yer Jest orter seen it. He spread 1t
all over his face like 1t he'd been poured
on warm.
II anybody wants to be chairman OF the
Committee of the Whole House on the
State of the Union when pension vetoes are
being discussed, he can have the job and
will confer favor on the undersigned, be-
sides. Address Roger Q. Mills, NJ. c.,
Washington, d. c., or Corsicana, Texas,
after September /.
Iwonder II I couldnt make a great hit
as Congressman?-lJo Ohm L. Sullivan.
EDITOR CRITIC: You may deride my rose
colored vest as you,will and point the finger
of scorn at my swallow-tail coat, but they
pale their Intellectual fires before those
white cotton duck over-gaiters which In
gals has lately run his ankles through and
introduced on the Senate floor. Yours,
CoSGER.
p. s.-Inever thought that Of Ingalls,.
c.
Senate sunday.school class yesterday:
Mr.. Edmunds: Are not the rivers of
Samaria as good rs those of the Holy Land?
Mr.. Hoar: Damascus.
Mr.. Edmunds: Damascus Is in the Holy
Land.
Mr.. Hoar: But not in Samarla.
Mr.. Edmunds Not in Samarla. The
other river was In Samarla.
| Teacher: Dear children, turn to II Kings,
| chap. V, verse IL. (Reads) Are not ALBANIA
| and Pharpar, rivers of Damascus, better
| than all the waters of Israel?
p. S.-Senators desiring biblical informa-
| tion will please communicate with The
| CRITIC Office before purchasing elsewhere.
| We keep on hand constantly large aud
| varied assortment. Satisfaction guaranteed.
| II you don't see what you want, ask for it.
Inclose stamp for feply when ordering by
mail.
Mr.. Samuel, the poet, In his recent vol,
| ume remarks:
Sand have been
My life unto my soul liar:
And / am the ashes Of fire."
They didn't turn the hose on Samuel
| quite soon enough.
A well.known politician, parliamentariar
and prize ring authority says the Cobb
Laird scrape Of yesterday was not fought
according to the rules of the House, bu
rather according to Marquis of Queensberry
rules. He declares this opinion from tn,
fact that Laird struck out with his left of
ter the fashion of the ''most strictest' sec
of the professionals.
To Messrs. Logan and Edmunds, Sen
ators:
BE careful how you talk to each other
Men have been known TO fight for word
spoken In a thoughtless moment. w
know how II is ourselves.
Yours, In friendship,
| Conn.
OLD JONES rs DEAD.
| lat in nv window, high overhead,
| "a InurI tlnm gnV hntnu "a thn ~