Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-08-01
reach the junction?
Nhat Tune 10 We stop for lunch"
/ rhnmpp CnrS,

lNlluilSI Nhs''
Conductor (extricating himself calmly
but firmly)-3.45, ZIG, 1.3O; not at all,
sir.
Pious Pilgrim with expired pass This
-ah-dOcument-
Conductor gathering i'll same)-ls no
good sir! Fare, please!
=. PIN on my way, young man, 10 a
religious
Conductor (rcachipg for bell-ropc)-But
you won get there, unless
pilgrim pays and subsidies, afer expressing hopes
that conductor may be saved although he iearS
! he won't be. Workings Taught
Brakeman from door)-Skwockomogo-
mOwOg!
Verdant Voyagers-I can't understand
what he says AS it he meant you should,
poor innOCcntS,
brakeman exits, slamming door with great VIC
lcnce. Train stops.
Voices (outside)-Well, good-by, dear!
Don't forget! If you soc Sadie, tell her
what said about Be sure and write!
Good-by! Well, good-by! Good-by! Good
by! GOod-b-
Conductor-All aboard Hurry, please,
miss!
Enter BluShing Beauty, with an inhnlty oil bags
bundles shaw straps, etc.
Chorus lOutside -Good-by, dear, Train
starts.
Gross Celibate-Thank goodness, that's
over!
Virulent Virgin-I think these chits of
girls ought to be
Washer Cadmiringly)-By Jove, isn't she
daisy? III change my seat and see If
| [Re-cnter Brakeman, slammiug door, of course,
RattlcS stove, nOiScly pOkcs fire. shuts stove
with tremendous crash
Several PaSsengers-I say, how long be-
! fore We
Brakcman-DunnO nOth'n bout it.
More PaSSengerS--Ca you tell me
Rrakcman--Naw.
| Some Morc--HOw do get tC-
BOrkcman-NOp.
! Yet OtherS--lS the next station
brakeman goes ont without answering, not for
| getting To slam door.
The Engine-ToOt! loot!
! Omncs-What'S that?
ChoruS-Perhaps there's
a waShouti
bridge down!
q broken rail!
Il COW on the track!
Gloomy Gcptleman-ThcySly more peO-
pie are killed on this road
Apprehcnsive PersOn--lt was right here,
YOU know, that that dreadful accident
Pos ed Party--It's only a crossing.
Universal relief.
Foolish travcler-LOOk here conductor,
how many miles to Ninveth Centre?
COnductor-lf you keep on rs you're
going, about SOCIAL around the world,
You're travelling right away from it.
Foolish traveler-Why didn't yOu tell
me?
Couductor-Tm doing it now.
Brakeman (howling)--B obrwOgaiOfmXr:
| TTrln stops Enter Bridal Couple, who are al
once recognized rs such by every woman IN the
car
Feminine eme-chorus-Mys stars! Well,
I'd have thought twice before marrying
that man! She's older than he, | know
Is that tailor made dress? Anyhow, the
collar must be interlncd with canvaSs-oI
may he it's wigglng. She wears lives,
I'm positive! Oh, Kitty, did you ever see
skirt drapcd that way before? She ism
a bit pretty, think!
Full feminine choruS-Wonder who they
are!
Couple, laboriously unconscious Of observation
secure seats
Bride (tenderly). George, are you very,
very sure you aren't sorry that you
Groom more sol.-SOrry, you angelic,
blessed little
Bride Suffering relapSe).-But to think
of leaving dear papa and mamma, and
Groom applying customary remedy
Haven't you ME?
Bride cheering up).-Yes, darling-and
then, after all, mamma says she'll come
next fall and spend the whole winter with
us
Groom.-The dickens she does! Partial
eclipse of honeymoon,
Thereafter enter Assorted Humanity
A. II. tall and singular) SO / stepped
to the footlights and said-thash it, oil fel
Pm q perShOn OF truSh n v'rash' ty-and
struck the house for so day expenses
put my money in the Thirteenth and got 9
maiOrity-all wool and yard wide-Jule
told Harry that if she ever caught him
walking with Belle she'd-giye him ter
yards start and beat him-but he said be-
fore he'd settle on those terms-he'd TAKE
a consulship anywhere except in-the out.
field to cover secOnd--until Mickey fought
him dOwn-and we'd find both of them il
oil at 6Si-fOr I'll preach next Sunday
seventeen feet under water-right in among
the Erie crowd-beat up under cloSe-reefeC
canvas-to Ludlowstreet jail-and perhaps
hire room for the season-etc, etc, etc
= Organic weakness or loss o
power in either sex, however induced
speedily and permanently cured Enclos,
| IN can't, ,Ann,,,c f,,r hr,nl-