davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-03-04

In answer to an advertisement in the
St. Louis prpers for 1000 cats, several
hundred boys appeared at the stage door
of the Grand opera house carrying as
many different kirds of felines. The
manager fastened q tag with wire on
each Tommy's neck, and turned the ami
NAL loose in the street to circle for
it's home. The tag was an advertise
ment for his show. Every boy that
brought a cat got pass good all next
week.
Colonel Witherspoon, of Austin, is q
very close man. Not long since he lost
his pocket book containing large sum Of
money. 1t was found by poor, old, but
honest negro, who asked:
"Is dis heah de portmonia yer lost p
"Why, yes. Tm . thousand times
obliged to you"
"Thank you, boss. You is welcome,
and if ever you lose your pocket book,
and should happen to find it I'll give it
back to you, and it shan't cost you cent
unless you want to reward me for my
honesty" sg
-"How does your father seem to re.
gard my coming here ~ anxiously asked
Adolphus of little Bobby, while Miss
Maud was upstairs getting ready to pre-
sent herself.
"I guess he don't care nothing about
it," replied Bobby, carelessly.
9 So he has no objection, ehf But
what did he ray my littie man p
He said II Maud Was : mind to make
fool Of herself why let her.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-03-04

-" Well we are penniless, or mighty
near it., he said As he reached home and
threw the evening paper to his wife.
Wh-what is it ?"
The Mechanics bank is busted and
we bad "a, 900 on deposit there"
But Richard" she said. after planc-
ing at the article, "the president saws
full"
"Aud didn't say the same to nv cred
itors when | failed in the grocery busi-
ness, and did single one OF them receive
I'VE cents on the dollar ?" he howled.
Tom Anjerry, student at the Uni
vers'ty OF Texas, applied to Prof. Snore
for permission to be absent.
II would like to be excused from NV
Biography lesson / lis afternoon, as l want
to take my siste out riding" said Tom.
The old professor, who ID no fool.
looked at the young man over the ton Of
his spectacles and said, slowly:
Want to take your sister ont riding
in buggy. ehf Il she related to you p
-Siftings.
- Mamma" said Johnny, acan any.
body hear with their mouth ?''
No, child, I don't think they oan.s = re.
piled the nngrannmatical mother.
Then, mamma, what made Mr.. Jonas
tell sister he wanted to tell her somethinr,
and pat his lips 70 her mouth, instead 81
| her ears ass 7,7 S
The mother didn't question Johnuv,
but turned her attention to Nj. Jores
and thes worthy made i II right ~ ths
proper explaaatioua 8
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-03-04

a lady writing from Japan says ::
Housekeeping here has no trials. The
worn and vexed spirits of American
housekeepers ought to rest in Japan after
death. Capable and faithful servants are
plenty and cheap. Our establishment
boasts five, and for these we pay about
what two would cost in New York. do
not visit my kitchen once month, never
give an order outside of spoken wish,
yet the domestic machinery moves with
an ease and perfection unattainable at
home by almost any effort on the part of
the mistress. The manners of the SER
wants are amusing, not to say startling,
to an American accustomed to the cheer
full familiarity of her native help. Every
night at bed time our five retainers ap-
pear, PROSTATE themselves in succession to
the earth, and retire. This is to wish me
good night and to renew their testimony
of profound respect and pleasure over the
privilege of serving me. 1t was difficult
at first to preserve the necessary dignity
for the ceremony, but now am as majes-
tically gracious as any other potenate.
The other day, on one of my rare visits to
the kitchen, hairpin became lossened
and dropped without my notice. | had
been seated in my own room only few
moments when my houseman entered,
bearing small salver, which he presented
to me with many genuAectlons. Fancy
my surprise to see little hairpin upon it,
and to learn from my proud but embar-
rassed servitor that it had fallen to the
kitchen floor from my head. Atierwarl
found there had been a discussion as to
who should pick it up, d almosta quar-
rel as to whom belonged the inestimable
honor of bearing it to its owner.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-03-04

81 never saw such a man in al nv
born days!" exclaimed Mrs. Crimsonbeak
to her husband, who had been imposed
upon in purchase she had requested him
to make for her ST never knew you to
get anything without being cheated"
What, never?" said Crimsonbeak.
chestuutically.
:" No, neyerl" emphatically replied
Mrs. Crimsonbeak.
"Well, guess you are right, / have
always been suspicious Of it since the day
L was married"
And then he opened the window to see
how far he'd have to jump to the ground.
Congressman Springer describes the
prevailing fashion of evening dress for
women as the low-and-behold style"
In suit at Denver a few days ago
the defendant in case was asked by the
opposing counsel: "What did you pay
for this silver mine originally?" "I gave
out any ore p "No, sir; there was none
to take out" Sand yet you sold it to
the plaintiffs from the East) for $2s, 900 2
Didn't you deliberately intend to swiDdle
them?'' "Oh, no, sir. / thought was
letting them off mighty easy, for cou-
pie of men were going to form stock
company and float out hundred thou.
sand shares at 800 each on the confid-
ing public"
Applicant Ito landlady:) aAnd what
can you let me have the fourth floor back
for, madam? do not hesitate 70 saw
that l am not so far advanced in my pro-
fession that dollar or two q week would
be matter of indifference to me.n
Landlady: A member of the legal
profession, sir?"
Applicant: "No; am a member of
the musical profession. play second
flute"
Landlady: 81 see. Well, sir, would
be willing to rent you the fourth floor
back for 5000 week, without fre.''
=" Why don't you marry?
Well. you see, am very particular
how my intended should be-"
Explain yourself"
My wife must be rich, handsome and
stupid"
"Why all that?''
Very simple. She must be rich and
handsome, otherwise / would not have.
her, and she must be stupid, otherwise
she would not have me-"
Visitor Gn Senate gallery:) "Who
is that tall statesmanlike-looking gentle
man on the left ?''
Washingtonian: "I don't know, but he
is evide 7tly an old member"
Visitor: Why"
Washingtonian Because he iss.pay-
ing no attention to what the chaplain u
saying"
=" Yes," said the weeping widow.
John has gone at last. Many fight
we had over who should get mp to light
the fire in the winter, but hell have no
trouble of that kind where he has gone.n
Nor" queried sympathizing friend.
No, | guess they keep the fires lighted
there all the time.n
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-03-04
From the Bloody Ground.

TOLLESBORO, KY.
DR.. S. B. HARTMAN & Co., Columbus,
Ohio.-I keep the largest stock of medi-
cines of any store in Lewis county, with
the exception of drug store at Vance
burg, our county seat and am selling a
great deal of your PERUNA and MANA
LIN 1t is giving the best satisfaction of
any medicine that ever handled. In one
case the constable for the precinct, has
been very sick and low spirited for long
time. For several years he has tried all
the doctors here, and we have some good
ones, and they did him no good. After
much persuasion 1 sold him two bottles
of PERUNA and MANALIN.. He took half
change in him, and now he is as sound a
man apparently as there is in this vicinity,
and he says he is entirely well. He 10
a number one man and is highly re-
spected He is satisfied that your medi-
cine saved his life, after all the doctors and
all medicines had failed. Being unac-
quainted with you, l refer you to John
Shllito s. Co., Altor, Pinckard g. Co.,
and other business houses of Cincinnati.
RI. GILLESPIE, P. M.
Messrs. Adamson & Shipley, of
Waynesburg, Pa, write: g Please send us
some Ills of Life" Immediately. We
are having big run on your medicine,
PERUNA. Instead of dying out, like most
medicines, in course of time, it seems to
be growing in favor. We sell lots of it.
Please send the books soon."
Messrs. Wirthorn s. Urban, of Allie
gheny City, Pa, write " Having large
sale for your PERUNA and MANALIN, we
have also many calls for your book, " Ills
of Life" Please send us supply of them,
German and English, and oblige."
S. Wolf s. Son, Wilmot, O., write
"Gentlemen We handle your goods, and
they give good satisfaction"
A. 6. Sellards, Greenup, KY, says:
Gentlemen am handling your medi-
cines, and having a good trade on them."
]. c. Saunders, Martinsburg, w Va,
writes "Gentlemen Your PKRUNA
sells fast and gives good satisfaction here.
We sell more PERUNA than any other
preparation we handle"
w. Bauer, St. Mary's, Pa, writes:
"My son is still improving in health.
Your PERUNA is just the thing for him."
H. L. Day & Co., New Vienna, Ohio,
write IS. B. HARTMAN & Co., Colum-
bus, Ohio.-Gentlemen: Your PERUNA
sells as we'll as any medicine with US.
Quite number have told us that PERUNA
is the best thing they ever used"
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-03-04

that the New York staga has ever seen.
At the moment he is ateut to plant the
kiss upon his sweethesstS cheek an IRE.
sistible inclination to snsese seizes him. 1t
is light and giddy snee1s but it hangs
on the comedian like asrevengeful fate,
and he never escapes fro1n it during the
scene. Experience would seem to point
to the theory that the nlSst successful of
stage kisses have in them some of the ele-
ments of burlesque, for the instant kiss
becomes real it exercises power over an
audience that it is very dlfcult to forfeit
or define.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-03-04
AaaIy.l.g ,he Bakf.~ p.~a...

AnaIyzang the Baking PoWaere.
Under the direction Of the New York State
Board of Health, eighty-four different kinds Of
baking powders. embracing all the brands thst
could be found for sale in the State. were suh-
mitted to examination and analysis by Prof q
F. Chandler, member of the State Board and
President of the New York City Board OF Health.
assisted BY Prof. EDWARD G. Lovs, the well
known late United States Government chemist
The official report shows that large number
Q, ine powders examined were found TO contain
alum or lime; many Of them to such a extent
as to render them seriously Objectionable for ne
10 the preparation Of human food
Alum was found in twenty-nine san,nl..
This drug is employed in baking Dowderss -
cheaper their cost The presence Of lime 4 a..
trbuted to the impure cream Of tartar t,f com.
merce used In their manufacture Such -. :.
of tartar was Gso analysed, ana f6und - c,,.
tain lime and other Impurities; n some ssmnles
TO the extent OF SS per cent. OF their entire
weight. :. '''o
All the baking powders Of the market v,sh
the single exception of the Royal = mot incird-
ing the alum and phosphate powdern uhich
were long since discarded ~ unsafe or ineficient
BY prudent housekcepers) are made from the I'M.
pure cream al tartar Of oou1merca. - conss -,
quensly contain lime to correspondinr extent.
The only baking powder yet found s. cher.i-
cal analysis TO Be entirely fkee ffom Hire snd ~
eotuteiy pure . the Royal This perfoca rnp.
iiy results from the exclusive use 81 t:rss,n a.
tartar specially refined and ptspazsd ~ pasent
remove the tartrate of lIne ma otksr innsssslss
The cost Of this chemically raro cls1r ~ lsrisr
- much greater than any Off. 6nd -, srrS,.sss
Of ths greater cost h used 81 no hekint DouiISe
but the Royal 1aF z 4 -
Prof Lows. Who msds ~ snaIyssn x bakiar
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-03-04

Chill blow the winds around the void.
Low means the tempest at the door.
Inc night is dark and the dead leaf fails,
m. ana memory sits and calls and calls
Inc fair form comes no more
Low burn the embers in the CRATE,
The shadows deepen In the room.
Inc lamplight fickers on the walls.
And memory sits and calls and calls
Inc fierce hope hugs the tomb
Loud call the voices of the storm!
The tempest of the heart replies.
Upon the roof the rain drop falls.
And memory sits and calls and calls
The old love bleeding dies!
The whirlwind passes In the night!
49, AT morn the sun again shall rise;
Then hey! for the gay and gilded halls
And hey! for the heart that calls and calls
For bright are my new loves eyes!
A B. Rrdue
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-03-04
EH,Z r. N AZ

Eczema is one of the ugliest and most
troublesome of all blood diseases. 1t pro-
ceeds from humors in the blood which are
sometimes very difficult to eradicate.
For five weary years Mr.. J. D. Rodefer,
of Greendale, Va, suffered terribly from
this disease. He writes: "Finding no
relief in the many medicines till used
Browns Iron Bitters, / purchased three
bottles; from the use of which l have OBJ
tained almost entire relief. | recommend
it to every one in my neighborhood for
any disorder of the blood and as a gen.
eral tonic"
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-03-04

MADTE1 OF ME- RnOEnDbnOy,
Williams, = burglar, now q the New
Londou, Conn.,, jail has the reputation of
being . smart one. Give Elm twenty
minutes alone with safe.ss eave SherfIf
Hawkins, "snd Williams cars ouSu the
most intricate lock that was ever devised
and If you will give him merely the name
Of the maker he will tell you Instantly all
the parts in the lock and give you dfAr
gram of the mechanism. He never breaks
. lock, he simply finds out inside Of
twenty minutes the combination in which
1t is act, opens the safs and takes ont
what he wants and relocks il, and when
the owner returns he finds the safe ap-
parently just as he left il. To accoIa-
plish this work Williams needs in add
ton 70 his quick wiz .ants mechanical
knowledge, three ordina. which
he forces into the look sss ys.s;5s R.lIsi
in such way that tiSsT 1lssyssf; nsvs,aii-
binations is reduced Sss;si,lasss = a he
reasons that all pe;soE 10 ioLAan1 safe
make certain number of moves, and
knowledge Of this fact enables him fo
inFther rednce ~ pso1 = = - = III ne1ons
TO two or three movements. These two
or three moves he finds ont by actual
trial, which consumes the greater part
OF his twenty minutes. In the case
when safe is in an apartment that Is in
full view of the street, he drops little
quicklime on the floor, pours water on it
and the steam sthat arises effuctually
cloaks the windows. In three instances
Williams unlocked safes, abstracted the
contents, relocked them and made of
with them in the time the men in
charge of them were At their dinners. He
got away with the valuables in STRAIT
ford safe in this way"
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-03-04
VI. j. SOLOMON. A. J. WOODBRIDGE.
SOLOMON & WOODBRIDGE,
Real Estate Agents,
BRISTOL, FLORIDA.

100000 ACRES OF GOOD LAND
for sale in the orange growing section OF Liberty
and franklin counties, and lots on
LAKE MYSTIC,
three and half miles south of Bristol, and one and
half miles east of Apalachcola river. Streets oO
feet wide.
sE TITLES GUARANTEED.
The eyation is 90 feet above the lake, one of the
prettiest In Florida, with clean sandy bottom, and
no mud or damp ground.
Special attention given to collection of Claims,
assessments and settling taxes for non residents.
For full particulars, address as above
June 25, 1S85-3m%
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-03-04
LAKELAND STOCK FARM
FOR SALE :

pair Bay Mares, well broken, drive we'll to car
rage or wagon; 81 years old, i51< hands high. :,
kinds farm work; l5x hands high sound and dura-
BILE.
i Black Horse, 10 years old good family and
farm horse. .
handsome Roam Filly. years old:
Several fine 2-year-old Colts and Fillles.
Tallahassee, Nov. 10, 1806-tf p. HOUSTOUN
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-03-04
10000
GULF STATE CIGARS.

THE DEMAND FOR THIS CHOICE CIGAR
Il has been constantly increasing in public favor
from its first Introduction. In consequence of i'm
proving the quality, and not increasing the price,
the sale of this cigar has increased 25 per cent
since its Introduction, my invoice book will
prove. This arises from its being frst-cass cigar
at a reasonable price To be had wholesale and re-
tail at the Drug Store of m. LIVELY.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-12-25
DR.. BRINLEY !!
422 First AY. n. MINNEAPOLIS, MINI,

One-haif block Nort beast W est hotel
Regularly graduated md legally qualified long
engaged in Chrome, Nervous and Skin diseases.
friendly talk costs nothing. II nconven;ent to
visit the city for treatment medicines sent by
mail or express. free from observation. Durable
cases guaranteed. If doubt exists we say so.
Hours, 9 a. m to p. M. Sundays. IL to 2 p IN.
II GU cannot come, state case by mail.
Diseases from Ind screton, Excess or Exposure,
Nervousness, Deb lity, Dimness of Sight, Per-
verified Vision. Defective Memory, Face Pimples,
Melancholy, Restiessness. Loss of Spirits, Pains in
the Back, etc., are treated W tn success. Safely
privately, speedily. No change OF business.
Catarrah. Throat Nose, Lung Disease. Liver
Complaints. 1t is self-evdent that phys ciau
paving particular attent on to class of diseases
alta rs great skill. Every known applicat is
resorted to, and the proved good remedies of all
ages and countr are used. All are treated with
SIX II IN respectful manner No experiments are
made. Med clnes prepared in my own laboratory.
On account OF the great number of cases apply ng.
the charges are kept low; often lower than others.
Skill and perfect cures are important. Ca l. or
write. symptom Lists an pam phlet tree by mail.
The Doctor has SUCCESSFULLY treated hundreds Of
cases in this city and vicinity.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-12-25

zAltII01 "111 -FEN WE Ut FPII1G PuLs
If his followers have grown too wise, toe
sad or too niggardy to make merry over
his coming. We hear the familiar cry of
''hard times" creeping ominously into these
roIlicking songs and the mere suggestion
spolls ali their genial flavor.
But the times are grown so bad,
Scarce one dish for the puor is had:
Good housekeeping is ail aside.
And all / spent TO maintain pride:
Good works are counted Popish, and
Small charity is in the land.
Good God. amend what is amiSs,
And send a remedy to this.
That Christmas Day again may rise,
And we enjoy our Christmas pies.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1886-11-06

]. A. McGee returned from Portland, Or,
last Wednesday evening. He has been busily
engaged in organizing two companies in that
city, whose future operations may prove Of
vast importance 10 this section OF Idaho. In
reference TO the organization Of these COM
panies the Oregonian, Of recent date, says:
".Article OF incorporation Of the Oregon
Lnmber company were filed yesterday in the
office of the county clerk, by ]. ~. MCGEE,
D. P. Thompson, Van b. DeIashmutt and
D. II. Stearns. The objects Of the corpora
ton are 10 engage in the manufacture and sale
of all kinds of lumber in Oregon and in
Washington and Idaho territories; to pur-
chase. lease and own timber and timber
lands, saw-mills, paning-mills and box
factories, and TO contract for all kinds Of
work requiring the use Of lumber in whole or
in part; principal place Of business city Of
Portland capital stock, $500, 900, divided
into 5000 shares; shares Of the value Of SIoo.
]. McCraken, A. G. Cunningham and T. S.
Brandegee have filed articles of incorporation
of the Idaho Consolidated Ditch and Canal
Company. The corporation shall engage in
the following business: To build and con-
struct bitches and canals, and to supply, by
means thereof, water for irrigating, mining
and manufacturing purposes, in the territory
of Idaho One of said bitches or canals is to
commence from point on the Boise river, at
or near to what was formerly known as Gov
eminent Hay reservation, in township 8 n,
X E, in the county of Ada and territory
aforesaid, thence by the most advantageous
route to point at or near the junction OF
Boise and Snake rivers in said county and ter
ritory. Another of said bitches or canals will
commence from a point on the Boise river in
section 22, in T n, X E of the Boise
meridian, thence by the most advantageous
route to point at or near the junction of the
Boise and Snake rivers; TO acquire, by APP
preparation, purchase or otherwise, and use
such portions of the Boise river to flow into
said bitches or canals for its purpose; to pur-
chase lands, build roads, etc., ETC.; principal
office, Portland; capital stock, 81, ooo, 900,
divided into 10, 900 shares of the value Of $Ioo
each
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1886-11-06

upon receiving news of his election. BY
staff artist on the spot.
The ''Sons of Rest" ticket was elected 10
man, although considerable scratching was
INDUCED it. Alphonso Melchesideck suffered
exceedingly owing TO the false report that he
had not paid his dues for weel, past, started
no doubt, by his jealous enemy, Moe, of
''The Haskell This base caiumny was a,
once corrected, and the entire ticket pulled
through. meeting to congratulate the
officers elect was held at ''the dive last night
and after a report or two had been laid under
the table, the members proceeded to decorate
the hall for the occasion. Several beautiful
mottos reading ''Pay Up Your Dues" ''No
Smoking" ID Bless Our Home" "Hail
Worthy Chief, Flows Your Stomach. ETC.,
were put up. The whole league, lead by the
committee on sweet vocal music, then sang
''See the Conquering Hero Come" and as
the soft, sweet and voluptuous music arose
heavenward on the perfume tinted air, the
clear senorous tones Of China Jim and Vermont
Isham could be distinctly recognized. After
bowling his acknowledgement, G. X. w. c.
Wilson proceeded to deliver the following
pathethic address, spun out in his choicest
style, and caught in mid akron the spot by our
Photographic reporter:
"Friends, Romans, Resters l come not
here to talk You know to well the story
of my stomach [Applausel First, last
and ''awl" the time am with you, when my
nervous system will permit l ''wax" elo-
quent as | ''peg" away on this subject. loud
Cheers,l Have we brave sons [Yes, yes,
from Flagpole Wheeler.l 0 Kansas, Kansas,
you have been a tender nurse to mel Terri
ic applause by Soomon.] Shall l pause7
Shall | yank bleeding reminiscense ont OF
bloody Kansas by the ear? [Groans and
sobs in the corner Feeble remonstrance
from Snipes.l Shall hold its battered time
worn carcass before your hideous gaze?
[Cries don't, don't. Alphonso faints away
was not always thus. once was childlike
and innocent, and in those happy days in Kan
sas-[H Here several chestnut bells jingledl
Dear rosters, be virtuous and you will be hap
Ply. l. the emblem of virtue, tell you So"
The Worthy chief resumed his seat amid
the desfening applause, and was Immediately
presented with two bits by the club as slight
testimonial of their respect.
The committee on sweet vocal music then
sang ''Where is my Boy To night" and the
meeting adjourned.