Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-03-07
SAVANNAH MORNING NEWS: SUNDAY MARCH Z. 1886.
Mr.. N0RW00D'S SPEECH.
A MODEL SPECIMEN OF SATIRE
IN THE CAPITAL.

Full Report of the Dressing Down Ad-
ministered to an Iowa Bloody Shirt
HypOcrlte-HOw Our Representative
Made Henderson Squirm.
WASHINGTON, March s.-The committee Of
the whole House on the state OF the Union re-
sumed its session. having under consideration
the pension appropriation bill.
Mr.. NOrwoOd-Mr. Chairman, the valuable
time of this House has been wasted for four
days in the consideration of bill to which |
presume not one member has any objection.
But this arrest of the public business has oc-
Cured in consequence of an assault which
was made without provOcatiOn on the South
and on the Com missioner OF Pensions by the
gentleman from Iowa MIR. Henderson,. Be
ing from that section, desire TO submit rev
remarks in reply TO that gentleman. His
speech on that occasion, II successful IN no
other respect was successful in one, so far as
L am concerned, for / never before realized
any truth in the cynic's witticism, "Beware
of scotchman when he Smiles" The gentle
man must have been exceedingly eager TO de-
liver himself of that piece OF defamation,
which is as familiar to this House and TINS
country. where IL has been delivered thous-
and times, as THE boy stood on the burning
deck" or MARY had q little lamb" Laugh
ter But do not mean to dtscredit the style
OF the gentleman's defamation, Tor say mere
and now, as an acknowledgment In the pres
enCe OF tnlS House, tnab MS uecldmAblOu VI
that aged piece of classic fustian was one of
the finest physical efforts ever saw or heard.
LLaughter.l
But 1 say the gentleman was exceedingly
eager TO declaim that piece of antiquity on
that occasion, when we consider the clrcum-
stances and the moment of time which ne
seized upon to enforce our attention, me
House was considering the general Invalid
pension bill. Democrats and Republicans,
eX-Federal and x-Confederate soldiers were
moving abreast in solid column. without a
single straggler, to do an act OF mercy ana OF
Justice to the survivors of the Union army ana
to the widows ana orphans, when the gentle
man from Iowa. stepping forward arrested
the column, and smiling upon the ConIeuer-
ates IN that line Is gently as Brutus smiled
upon Cesar in the capitol on ''the ides OF
March" when he invited him to lie down ana
take rest at she base Of POmpeI's statue,
eeNaneAeed TO address those COnEederAtes N
aSnQt Hhe following daiicAte, .pern1asive
at now approach this snbject with great
hesitation and deliSacy. The weak spot IN
my nature is, ! have not got q hating heart. l
can knock fellow down when am mad and
The next minute pick him up and help MIN
and be his friend. The tendency OF my MIND
Is for fraternity. Therefore beg to say, you
have no right TO be here. You got here by
stu thng ballot-boxes and by killing negroes
with shotguns. Laughter. Do not mlsin-
terpret my motives or sentiments. The tend
ency of my mind is to fraternity. You gave
an almost solid vote three weeks ago against
the bill TO give a pension Of Sl2 to Union
ldiers' widows. There are 100 OF you ana
6Jof you voted against that bill-almost solid
vote from the South. Let no gentleman VINO
was in the Confederate ranks against me Il
speak not of the Union, but against mel, mis-.
interpret my fee ings. approach the subIect
with hesitation and with delicaoy. You are a
band of criminals. Laughter.I
"There is hardly constitution OF the I'M .
ted States to be found in the Southern states,
Mr.. Oates. | feel in the kindest ana sincerest
afaf rif ina inc MI md I'M M I
my own oats. Laughter You criminals
boast that you win control this government
in spite Of the constitution, and, feeling in the
klndest spirit imaginable, / charge you with
as great crimes under the forms Of law as
when sumter was fred on. Laughter You
pretend that you voted against $l2 month
because you thought IS enough. l wish l
could feel that to be true; but | do not, be-
cause you smoke s24 worth of cigars a month.
Laughter. By your almost solid vote you
unfurled the bloody shirt IN my face, not
withstanding l fought for both sides during
the war" Laughter
Mr.. Henderson,. of Iowa-WIn the gentle
man kindly allow me word? Does he intend
to have that go to his constituents as the
speech made by meg
Mr.. Norwood intend this, as the sub
stance of what you sand as reported in the
Record, TO go to my constituents.
Mr.. Henderson, of IOwa-If you intend to
quote that as an original speech made by me,
there is not word Of truth in it..
The Chalrman-does the gentleman from
Georgia (Mr. NorwOOd) yield to tine gentle
man from IoWa2
Mr.. Nor SOOd-I cannot yield further.
But gentlemen, to sum up: As / am at
this moment speaking with unusual delicacy
for me, as would not have you misinteFpret
my feelings; as the tendency of my mind IS TO
fraternity; as just now feel IN the kindest
and sincere6t spirit Imaginable, as you can see
by my soft and persuasive language and
by my smile, ana as / have not got a
hating heart, declare unto you that notwith-
standing you waved the bloody shirt In my
face; Notwithstanding you boast you Will
rule this government outside of the coDstitu-
ton; Notwithstanding l don't believe your
reason for opposing the increase OF widows
pensions; Notwithstanding you have no right
TO be here. aud commit great crimes 70 get
here; Notwithstanding you stua ballot boxes
ana kill negroes and don't read the cOnstItu-
ton, still / declare unto you COnfederates
that respect you, and ever shall respect you,
and l would rather dance an Irish jig on
burning Goals in hell with you forever than to
be eternally in heaven with Northern cop
perhead. lGreat laughter.
Mr.. Henderson, Of IOWa-That is pretty
stiff; but stick 10 II.
Mr.. NOrwoOd-Mr. Chairman, the comph-
ment pad by the gentleman from Iowa TO
that OallOt-boX stufhng and shotgun brigade
has no equal in its sentiment OF devotion. In
history or fiction there has never been but one
instance which approached IL, and that was
when Dame Quickly was narrating to Pistol
and Bardoph the circumstances OF the death
OF Sir John FalstaG Ilaughterl, when Bar
dolph, in the enthusiasm Of his rOguish soul,
cried out Would | were with hlm, where
some'er he is, whether in heaven or in he'll -
Laughter.
Speaking for myself only. while / return
my prOfOuDdest acknowledgements TO the gen b
tleman from Iowa for the offer Of his society,
II ! should be SO unfortunate rs TO take the
wrong road and join him down below laugh
teri. and while do not doubt that he will not
be much worse than the AVERAGE OF the natu-
rallied citizens Of that country 80 populous
with involuntary immigrants, yet here and
now enter my solemn and vigorous protest
against accepting his delicate comDanlonship
laughter, for am persuaded, nOIwithstand-
ing his peculiar deicacy in approaching a
subject, and his tendency TO fraternal feeling,
that no engagement, however pressing lt
might be upon those who would be going
through the very rapid evOlutiOns supposed
to be Incident to that torrid cline, could pre-
vent the gentleman from arresting the col
umn aud mounting upon a red hot stump and
insisting that we should listen 70 him de-
claiming that stale piece OF political lore.
That would be punishment greater than 1
could bear. Laughter and applause /
would be IN favor Of inaugurating another
rebellion renewed laughter. even with the
certain fOreknOwledse that he gentleman in
ten minutes would be found lighting first for
the devil and then for me. Laughter
The gentleman has cauBeu In me the pro-
foundest gratitude by the announcement that
ne fought for the South during the late I'M
pleasantnos8 between the United and the
Confederate States. When that overwhelm-
ing outburst Of plethoric philanthropy and
continental patriotism apurted from his