davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30

A newly married couple on the
Heights came near falling into seri-
GUS misunderstanding the other even
ing. The charming bride, in attempt
ing to light the gas, gave herself dead
away in this manner: Dear George,
think it's too dreadfully awful; this
gas is damp, and it won't light" The
loving husband almost tainted away
on the spot.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30
He Was From Georgia.

Is there a gentleman from Georgia
in this car ?" asked a stranger, thrust
ing his head through the doorway
while the engine was taking on water
at the tank.
Il am from Georgia, replied deep
bass voice in the rear.
Then you will be kind enough to
lend me your corkscrew ?" There was
a roar of laughter, and a twinkle of
chestnut gongs, through which the
deep bass voice rose again:
why certainly But will you please
state first where you are from ~
Connecticut, sir p
Connecticut? Then you mnst ex-
cuse me. l would never see my cork
screw again" This time the roar of
laughter was not accompanied by the
voice of the chestnut gong. And the
deep bass william, thrusting the cork
jerker into his boottop, doubled his
legs up under him anu sat down, with
his hand ON his hip-pocket.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30

Seedy Individual would like 10
get measured for a suit.
Fashionable Tailor lsuspicouSly).-
At about what price, sir?
Seedy Individual-It makes no diff
ference.
Fashionable Tailor fas before).-We
generally require deposit from nm
known parties.
Seedy Individual (calmly)-I do not
wish you to make the suit. It has
been so long since enjoyed this ex-
perience that / simply wish to get
measured.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30

Two fashionsbly dressed ladies stood
one bright afternoon last week befre
milliner's window on Main street.
gazing at the pretty articles of head
wear displayed therein. Presently
one moved over to the other side of
the window for closer look at an ex-
quisite bonnet, and after feasting her
eyes for moment on its beauties,
edged back again toward her comr4n.
ion and grasped her arm, squeezing il
warmly as she chatted enthusiastically
of the wares in the window. For full
two minutes she thus stood arm in
arm with person whom she supposed
to be her shopping mate, not once TAX
ing her eyes from the dead birds.
bright ribbons and flowers which
adorned the bonnets within the plate
glass. But at last the awak ening
came. Imagine her horror when Il
Chinaman turned his face towards
ners-a huge grin overspreading his
features-and remarked:
"Chineeman like lite woman"
Imagine also, if You can, with what
suddenness she withdrew her arm
from the Chinaman's embrace, and
with how many bushes she met the
gaze OF her lady friend and of other
observers who stood near by smiling
at her blunder.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30

"What does the proverb say about
those who live in glass houses 2" Small
boy; "Pull down the blinds
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30

1t is supposed that if the "Uncle
Toms Cabin" troupes should organize
themselves into political party they
could sweep the country.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30
Catarrh

Is constitutional disease, caused by scrolls
lous faint in the blood. Hoods Sarsaparilla,
being a constitutional remedy, purifes the
blood, builds up the whole system, and per-
manently cures catarrh. Thousands OF people
who suffered severely with this disagreeable
disease, testify with pleasure that catarrh
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30
The
NEW YORK TRIBUNE

While The New York Weekly Tribune is
the most expensive publication of its class
in the United States, nevertheless its price
is now fixed at 81 o year, the Semi-Weekly
at 81; in both cases an extra copy with
club of 10.
The campaign just closed found the
country in the trough of the political
waves. The Republican managers have
made the best struggle they conld against
a state of general apathy. In few States
they have been aided by the inspiring
presence of great leader, whose speeches
have awakened almost the only enthusi-
asm anywhere shown. The result of the
campaign is gratifying; its gains are an
inspiration the Democratic losses are a
plain guide to the popular DRIFT. From
this time forward the country will feel the
lift of the advancing wave of 1888, which,
1T we will do our duty, will sweep out from
Washington the masqueraders now in pos
session, the foes of protection, equality
and patriotic government. 1t is now the
duty of all earnest and experienced work
ers to bend their energies toward united
and hearty work for 1888. The party is to
be consolidated, cheered and rallied. To
this work the Tribune pledges its Jealous
efforts.
The Tribune offers for 1887 several excel
larf rararnit1rnc inolndfn0
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30
ESTABLISHED 1879
"Wasp's was the laconic reply.

POOH" said the deacon. "The
wicked fee when no man pursueth,
but the righteous are bold as lion."
And taking the workman's swath, he
moved but step when swarm of
brisk insects settled about his ears.
"Ah" shouted the other, With
chuckle. "The prudent man foreseeth
the evil and hideth himself, but the
simple pass on and are punished"
The good deacon had found his
equal in making good applications of
the sacred writings, and thereafter was
not known to quote Scripture in a
moving field.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30
HAVE YOU

HAVE YOU
Hot and dry skin?
Scalding sensations?
Swelling of the ankles?
Vague feelings of unrest?
Frothy or brick dust fluids?
Acid stomach7 Aching loins?
Cramps, growing nervousness?
Strange soreness of the bowels?
Unaccountable languid feelings?
Short breath and pleuritic pains2
One-side headache? Backache?
Frequent attack of the "blues"?
Fluttering and distress of the heart?
Aldumen and tube casts in the waterf
Fitful rheumatic pains and neuralgia?
Loss of appetite, flesh and strength?
Constipation alternating with looseness
of the bowels?
Drowsiness by day and wakefulness at
night?
Abundant pain, or scanty flow of dark
water?
Chills and feverg Burning patches of
skin? Then
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30
Cured

OF catarrh by Hoods Sarsaparilla, says: "r
would not take any moneyed consideration
for the good one bottle did me-" If you are
a sufferer, do not put OF taking simple
remedy till your bronchial tubes or lungs are
affected, and consumption has gained hold
upon you. Be wise in time That flow from
the nose, ringing noise in the ears, pain in the
head, inflammation of the throat, cough, and
nervous prostration will be cured If you take
Hoods SarsapariIIa
Bold by all druggists. 81; SIX for IS. Prepared
BY G. I. HOOD CO., Apothecaries, Lowell, Mass.
100 Doses One Dollar
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30
YOU HAVE

BRIGHT's DISEASE OF THE KIDNEYS.
in any order, but appear, disappear and re-
appear until the disease gradually gets a
firm grasp on the constitution, the kidney
poisoned blood breaks down the nervous
system, and finally pneumonia, diarrhoea,
bloodlessness, heart disease, appoplexy,
paralysis, or commissions ensue and then
death is inevitable. This fearful disease
is not rare one--it is an everyday disor-
other complaint.
1t must be treated in time or it will gain
the mastery. Don't neglect it, Warmers
of the worse type, and it will cure you if
you will use it promptly and as directed
It is the only specific for the universal
BRIGHT'S DISEASE.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30
Can be

cured by taking Hoods SarsapariIla. Mrs.
Alfred Cunningham, Fallon Avenue, Provi-
dence, R. l., says: az have suffered with
catarrh in my head for years, and paid out
hundreds of dollars for medicines, but have
heretofore received only temporary relief. I
began to take Hoods Sarsaparilla, and now
my catarrh is nearly cured, the weakness Of
my body is all gone, my appetite is good--in
fact, l feel like another person. Hoods Sar-
saparilla is the best medicine have ever
taken, and the only one which did me perma-
nent good. 1 cordially recommend It." A
gentleman in Worcester, Mass, who was
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30
AFTER ELECTION.

AFTER EEECI1ON.
Flew by
Front gate,
Nice Man
Candidate.
Don't smile,
Don't speak,
Flies by
Blue streak.
Politics
All briars,
Says men
All liars.
Goes home,
Sheds tears,
Fixes for
Next year.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30
An Autumn 1dyl.
BEFORE ELECTION.

BEFORE ELECTION.
Man at
Front gate;
Nice Man
Candidate.
Smiles sweet,
Bows low,
Won't go.
Eats bread,
Eats pies.
Eats meat,
Tells lies.
Kisses body,
Praises sis,
Z Calls granny
"Young Miss
Pats Tower,
FondlesS cat,
- FeBs dad:
"Stand pat,
Pm runnin'
way head
All others
I'm dead
Sure 'lected
This pop
Way yondar
On top!
My name ?
John Ray.
Help me
Lection day.
Pretty babyl
Whoop hi!
Remember me,
Goodbye"
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1886-11-30
THE TRIBUNE BOOK OF OPP
AIR SPORTS.

A work compiled by the Tribune, especial
/ ly for the young men of the United States.
| 1t Is q thorough statement -ot the present
status of Open-Air athletic amusements
| in America, with suggestions to beginners,
| the rules of every important game, the
records of noted contests and the achieve
ments of American Champions. The book
will contain about $50 illustrations. Chap
tiers are provided on Archery; Baseball,
with the record of wonderful playing and
the League and Association contests, and
instructions how to curve a ball; Court
Tennis, Lawn Tennis, Football, Cricket,
Lacrosse, Racquet, Horsemanship, Cross
Country Hunting; Yachting, with dis
cussion of Sloop and Cutter and instruc-
lions How to design, Build and Sail Boat
Rowing, Canoeing, Fishing, Trapping,
Swimming hunting with Shotgun and
Rifle, Camping out, Winter Sports, Bicy-
cling, Amateur Photography and few
minor sports. Among the writers who
have contributed are William Blaikle,
Maurice Thompson, Captain Jacob A.
Augur, Cavalry instructor at West Point,
David Kirby, Thomas Chaplain, General
George w. Wingate, Professor George
Goldfe, Director of Athletics of the New
York Athletic Club: and large number
of private gentlemen throughout the coun-
try have furnished facts concerning the
wild game and hunting sports of their
several localities. No book of this charac-
ter has ever been put into print in Amer
lea. 1t is sufficiently elemental to be a
Boys Own Book and answer all the
purposes of our manly youth, and yet will
also meet the demands of adults. viii be
ready for delivery December 1st Octave
800 pages. Retail price, $3.50 Terms, post
age paid: with weekly, year, $3.50; with
Semf-weekly. year, $3.50; with Daily, &c.
80. Only to be had in connection with
yearly subscriptions to the Tribune.
Also "Blunt's Rifle Practice book for
every hunter and National Guardsman; a
fine Waltham Watch, the low-priced Water
bury Watch; the two Unabridged Diction-
aries; Woods Medicine, Hygiene and Sur
gerry, illustrated; Ridpath's History of the
United States, illustrated; and Young's
Concordance of the Bible.
Sample copy, giving terms in full, sent
free. Order by postal card.
A Club Agent wanted wherever there is
none.
THE TRIBUNE, New York.
Nov. l6-S6-2t.
, 1886-06-16

PRIVATE enterprise has at last taken
hold of the Nicaragua project, and a com
pany has been organized for the building
OF a ship canal from ocean to ocean by
way of San Juan river and Lake Nican
qua. A bill has been introduced for its
incorporation under the name of the
Maratime Canal Company of Nicaragua,
with capital OF not less thon $4,000, 900
nor more than 800, 900 900. This is as
it should be. If the scheme is feasible
there will be no difficulty in securing the
means necessary to carry it out; on the
other hand, if it is impracticable, then
least of all should government be called
upon for aid.
, 1886-06-16

"Do you require al artist OF my cali
berl" asked a tall, erect and intensely
solemn man, as he folded his arm across
his breast and struck an attitude of pic
turesque port.
"Well, responded a brisk, young chap in
n checkerboard sui and a wnxed
mustache, as he looked up from his desk
at the applicant, I'm filling up my Uncle
Toms Cabin party. Would o like to
do st. Clareip
"What are the termsr" and the old
timer assumed an ~it-revolts-me air.
Twenty dollars a week and expenses
was the reply; but I'm organizing a
genuine working company, understand
no useless material. You'd have to double
up for Legree, and also go on for the
doctor and the deacon. | shall only carry
seven people altogether, and might call on
you occasionally to take charge of the
props
That is no exaggeration. Nor is n
company of seven to play "Uncle Toms
Cabin" unusual on the poorer circuits.
The contract was signed on the spot, after
some laughing as to an advance of $40 to
keep life in the actor until the time for
starting out.-"Uncle Bill's" New York
Letter.
, 1886-06-16

ONO Democrats. whether they ars, as
black as their advcrsaries paint them, or
not, are evidently not T. be taken as
models of political propriety, inasinuch as
the Ohio club, of Cincinnati, an organiza-
ton representing the Thurman wing of
the party, has published a circular asking
that the party management be placed in
new hands and d%enouncing. not only
fraud in general, but, particularly, the
frauds in the Democratic party, This is
eminently right and thoroughly Dcme-
cratic, for every member of a party is in
some sort responsible for any faint of cor
ruption it may suffer, unless he does his
whole duty in trying-so far as in him
lics-to preserve it clean and pure.
, 1886-06-16

Two Brooklyn girls in New York on a
shopping expedition were the victims of n
~laughable contretempts the other day.
Near the orner of Thirtieth street and
Broadway is "A little shop conspicuously
elegant from the outside, undecorated by
any sign, and without n proprietor's name
on its plate-glass front. Tho windows are
adorned by suits of old armor, by busts,
statues, antiques, and silk plush curtains;
through the door one catches an inviting
glimpse OF embroidered screens and plate
glass mirrors. In the innocence of their
hearts they walked in to price some article
which caught their fancy, and before they
were well aware what manner of a place
their search for the beautiful had led them
into, they found themselves before a carved
mahogany bar behind which the white
aproned attendants were briskly mixing
the morning cocktails for some overdressed
young dudes. The girls retreated precipi-
lately and quickly gained the street, VOW
ing they would never enter another I'M
known shop in New York city. They had
learned, at the cost of experience and many
painful bushes. that a gilded exterior
does not always indicate a Japanese store
or n bric-a-brac shop.-New York Cor.
Cleveland Leader.
, 1886-06-16

A correspondent of The Paris Temps
proposes that a bust OF Radama ii, king
of Madagascar, be placed in the vestibule
of the Pasteur institute. Radama ii.
flourished about 1901, n so knew moth
ing OF NJ. Pasteur, but he was an enthus-
iastic ~vaccinationist, thinking hat all
complaints might be prevented by some
such treatment rs has proved efficacious
in the case OF smallpox. With a view to
proving his theory. he obtained the virus
OF all diseases known in his dominions.
placed his collections in a large bottle, and
inoculated his council Of ministers with
the mixture. 1t proved that he had dis
covered not so much a panacea for all hui
mar ills rs a speedy means OF producing a
change of government IL is recognized,
however, that Radama II. meant we'll
Chicago Tribune.
, 1886-06-16

The transfer OF water through woody
stems takes place by means of the Younger
wood. and not to any extent by the bark
Hence a stem al be girdled. the bark
stripped OF from the wound. and yet the
leaves Will for a lons time keep fresh. In
soft plants the transfer may take place
through almost any parts Sometimes
the pressure OF the juices within the plant
Is SO great hat water s forced oct through
the minute riffs. This Is oten seen II the
case Of the young leaves Of wheat and
corn, the drops OF water at the tips looking
like dew, but plainly coming from within
the plant instead OF from the air. In a
few instances water has been seen 10 be
thrown out In minute jets from the tips Of
leaves, especially in some OF the green
hDnss plants like Colocasia. Boston
i.udvef
, 1886-06-16


ooarce'y hau .he repeal Oh '"e uese''
iaiu law" py one mousse Oh consfess oee"
announced "heh d SENATOR u 'ou"u az
peahng' ana successfully u W
an initial appropriate" VI So
10 experiment !" u
means Vi ~ ~
wei Is cosby anu '''e''ao' anu ''""o' oe
expected 10 oe'o"he ''S'"'"s IKE ,eeu-
,ar appu.'e''"'' ~ no"'ea'' anu '"'
ia"us WHICH arc "o''"'csS "i'"ou' m,'''
nun sum, 'ou''' ".'s ',r. ~
oo,n 'n''' "r' 0'p ~
' W." ~
=" o''.' "s'
"''0" "'."s 'e'" q" ~
""o' ~
'pc"
, ~ VA
-
n r'u ~ EASY VI
- H. ,h~a.hnar. w.
tN 'A'' us
WV c"-nI'%:~N ~
~ pea
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'''! Np''
~ ep NV
% ~ 81 al
80 ..aeJI' to .a~nm'., Ic
,seu" .no.;sah;i;,. nyi $50, -
J.ma,;aa .s;..ma-.;,aI un;laIh.;.r
I'LL $780,. Ill ;m.o,o rL.,amo.
- -:
oga~aI H. :,tr a-I-
como nr,,ox, I'LL f,om ,;uo a. ,;.aa h.
~
, 1886-06-16

Nor IL il W ss3 means iDrps<lbs tAAi
he improved yh1sSgvs II ar AHsrieA1
bhckwopdsmsb, especially their vertical
Increase. ~ cpnndsnuy s<s1t@3 " 81
matte Influence, MAJ have a g>>i deal u
90 with n change II diet TLs a,.rAye
rize OF the Prussian army oflesu cofs1sf
nbly exceeds that VI the PrussiAn pffsa,es
20 much Indeed, hat man for man, u.
descendants Of the weli-fsd and ,t>,ft
loving German country squires are an inch
fortwo taller than the men enlisted at ths
recruiting dcpots Of the United States
army, though the medical commissioners
CT those depots reject about eight nppli
oants In a dozen. Squat John Bull IL n
pawnbroker, and ms numerous In baxter
street AS In the old Jewry. British lords.
british tourists, and British sportsmen
are as tall and bony rs any New Eng.
lander. Tn truth is that we are too ant
70 underrate the influence OF personal
habits and overrate that OF external cir
eumstance. 4 liberal diet combined with
a fair amount OF outdoor exercise will
produce tall men in any climate. starry.
alton and indoor ~drudgery will stunt the
children OF the stoutest race, In America
IS surely as In the Silesan weaver towns.
DIR. Felix l. Oswald.
, 1886-06-16

Proceedings, it is said, are about to be
begun by a F%renchman who bears "A IA
o name to obtain a divorce from his
American wife upon the truly noble
ground hat her father led him into matri-
mony under false pretenses by promising
his daughter a dowry which he was not in
position 10 give. Incidents like this throw
a Light lik that in the apothecary's win
dow on the tinseled romance OF the coro-
neted wooings, 50 dear to the fancy, | fear,
Of not a few transatlantic damsels. One
hardly knows whether to laugh or become
angry at the rapid transformation OF the
republican western girls into European
DANES. becoming more a royalist than
the king Paris Letter.
, 1886-06-16

The French intended doing honor to the
potato by celebrating the centenary OF
of Parmentier, who not only introduced
that root into France, but inveigled his
countrymen into eating 1t. Parmentier's
efforts to popularize a plant which has
since become n staple article OF food were
all in vain, until he bethought him of the
old provcrb concerning stolen fruit, and
planted II very large field with potatoes.
When they were fit for digging, he caused
them to be protected all day long by
gendarmes. When the officers were with
drawn his potato field was plundered.
The taste thus acquired spread with
amazing rapidity; Parmentier had n title
bestowed upon him by Louis XVI, and
took for his crest a potato flower. At the
festival all the different varieties of the
potato are to be exhibited and all the
instruments used in its cultivation Dos
ton Budget.
, 1886-06-16


SENATOR BEcK's bill-which passed
the senate without a reference declaring
It unlawful for any member of either
house to accept employment or retainer
from any railroad company chartered or
subsidr by government, has received
various comment, but the current of pub
lie opinion runs largely in its favor. 1t is
but a first step in a needed progress, for
senators and representatives are some
times called upon-because they are emf
nent lawyers, of course. not because they
happen to be members Of congress-to
argue in-the supreme court, or before a
department commissioner, cases upon the
merits Of which they may also be called to
pas in their senatorial or representative
capacity. To obviate the awkwardness of
such = situation. the provisions of Mr..
Beck's bill might be still further extended
without detriment to the public service.
, 1886-06-16

UpoN two questions the ncwspa per
press of the country is singuhhy unani-
nous, irrespective Of party and oi the
m%ultitudinous difference. which naturally
spring from Independent thought One
is the question of home rule. az1ins,
which i, is believed and hoped 30 Amer
can journalist has expressed an opinion
Upon a ftal matter like self g9sernneni
there il no room for difference The
other question-upon which the unanita.iy
is perhaps a trife less marked !. = DO
nestle one. that of the absolute neoessiy
of incorporating and un,easing xsr
upon polygamy until the dsgrsceful inssi-
tuition shall be thoroughly ~uproo,ed aud
destroyed. Upon both SUBJECTS On
nearly all others the pres but voice.
the honest sentiment of the people.
, 1886-06-16

Fredcr!k Douglass hal som ;hiug in
him that was not the bsst material from
which TO make a good slave. lie was
therefore sent, when a youaS to one
Convey n noted slave breaker to have
his -. 1T broken OF his expsrisnce.
Their be writes. IL was hat IN
manageable at first, but a few months q
C>yeY. d -cipline tanned me. He suc
cseisi ia breaking me-in body, soul and
syiri Ny natural elasticity was crushed.
ny Intellect lhnguished. the disposition
" rad dspertsd. the cheerful spark tina
AnSsfei atyst my eyes died out, the dark
ElSl. 4 sGgsy diced In about me and
%nAs a man transformed into u brutel
r11csg ras ~ Vlly leisure time. Ispent
The b. sseT7 = t~ast~ilke stupor, between
,s>yrz "A waking under some large
Ire - t-rss ] would rise up. a flash
u e-sfssf1 ,fev.g-a would dart through
my sg1A e~pvsflc2.ls1 with a faint beam OF
b0y~ i1si ~t,esrss fOr moment, and
then r@llsAsf ! s2lk down again.
mourning p'sf ny ~rstehed condition.
Wa s2isst.nsss pnyt<d u take my life
ADc Mas 2" sD,s2 D1, uss prevented by
= ompnattva q hDt~ and fear. Ny suf
ferlngs az fsn2snli@r fi.ssu. n0r s4en
IKE a dream fsttasf tLkn a s.<fn reality
IsDsts1 Herald
, 1886-06-16

Now that it has been announced that
the department Of state has received ID
vices from Minister Phelps confirming
previous reports that the English govern
ment is not satisfied with the course Of
the Canadian authorities in the seizure Of
American vessels, the country can wait
with patience for a peaceful and honorable
solution of all questions involved. In the
guarded language of diplomacy, as much
has been said as could be expected at
present. and enough to indicate the pros.
pect ola satisfactory adjustment of the
existing complications. A Democratic
administration, true to. the traditions of
the party. may always be depended upon
to vindicate the rights of American citi-
rcns against infringement by any foreign
power whatever. The uniform policy of
half a century was sufficient guarantee Of
its renewal.