davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-06-09
ftashes Of fun.

When a man falls down his
temper generally gets up before he
does.
The reason hat a lady likes to
wear tight gloves is because it makes
it seem as though somebody was
squeezing her hand.
-"Doctor," said a man to Aber-
nethy, "my daughter had a fit. and
continued half an hour without sense
or knowledge" "Oh," replied the
doctor, "never mind that; many
people continue so all their lives"
-"What is your full name?"
asked the magistrate of an individual
who had been absorbing more noun
tain dew than he could carry.
Same as when I'm sober Chico. Did
yer think | changed it (hic) when
ever | took a drink?"
my dear boy" said a mother
to her son, as he handed his plate
for more of the Thanksgiving fowl,
"this is the fourth time you have
been helped" Il know it MOTHER"
replied the lad, "but that turkey
pecked at me once, and [ want to
get square with it." He got his
turkey.
"A Kentucky newspaper says
that while the school committee was
examining a school in a sparsely
settled county, one of them asked a
little boy in the geography class
what the chief productions in Ken
lucky are, whereupon the y%oungster
answered in a loud, clear voice !:
"Tobacker, mules, whiskey, kernels
and gals The boy was sent up
head.
Betsy, an old colored cook, was
moaning around the kitchen the
other day, when her mistress asked
her if she was i'll. NO ma'am, not
'xactly," said Betsy. But the fac
is, I don't feel ambition 'nough to
get out of my own way"
A five-year old Trojan, who had
fallen and cut his lip so that it was
necessary for the doctor to stitch
the wound, after bearing the pain
bravely, turned to his mother, who
was making much ado over the
operation, and said: "Never mind,
mamma, my mustache will cover it
First Dutchman-"Jake, vat
you going to gif your son for a
birthday PRESENT." Second ditto
Il don'd know; it's putty hard
times. | guess | hat some buddons
sewed on hi. clothes" First ditto
Eyes, dat's so. [ guess [ hat my
boys hair cut"
There is no end to funny things
that are seen and heard by the
teachers in our public schools. Once,
a teacher observed a huge blot of
ink on a boys copy-book. "What's
that?" he demanded. "Sure, 1 think
it's a tear, sir?" "a tear! How
could a tear be black" "Sure, [
think wan O. the colored boys
dropped it, sir"
The mother led the bad boy
into the wood-shed by the ear, and
having selected a plant shingle,
was about to apply it where it would
do the most good, when he said:
"Ho! don't, mari
mo, sir; that the second time
you've been in the water to-day"
care you going to strike, MARI"
II am"
"Don't strike. Let us arbitrate."
But ma wasn't a knight of labor,
and she struck.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-06-09

When a man falls down his
temper generally gets up before he
does.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1886-08-14

Dayton. Mound House and Churchill. =. .......2
silver
sutro
Mason Valley........... ..........................I
"aouska ........................... Il
Smiths Valley Observation-Disclosures. ...............l
Resolved. That the County Convention shall
consist of one delegate for each precinct, by
courtesy, and one additional delegate for each
fifteen HepublicAn votes csst at last election also
one delegate for each fraction over o half Of If
teen votes, md the division shall be as follows.
Dayton Precinct .......... ....................6
Silver City Precinct.
Mound House and Eureka Mill Precinct .......2
Sutro Precinct ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
Churchill Precinct.
WAbusks recinct.
Mason Valley Precinct. t.........................
Smiths Valley Precinct
Resolved, That the election n the several pre-.
cincts be held at the following named places:
Dayton-At the Court House.
Silver City-At the Engine House,
Sutro-At the Engine House.
Mound House-At Regan's Saloon.
Churohill-At Marshs.
Wsbuska-At Lovejoy's Store.
Mason Vslley-A At Smart's Saloon.
Smiths Vslley-At Pierces Saloon.
And that the following named persons act IS
judges at said election:
Dsyton-A. G. Berry, Hero kennedy and ]. L.
Campbell.
Silver oi'y-A. Wiison, Theodore vinson and
A. A. Pollard.
Mound House-T. n. Calvert
sutro-A. H. Sheldon, Luther Davis and Ed.
Hancock
ohurehill-w. j. Marsh, Warren Harvard and AL.
Newman.
WabuskA-Kimber Q. Cleaver, II. F, swasey and
G W. Robson.
Mason Valleys. B. Fogg. E. G. Smith and J..
S. Craig.
Smiths Valley. Pierce, j. n. Mann and R.
Ames.
Resolved, That tn e polls at said election shall
open at O'Clock p. NJ. and close at 8 o'clock p. NJ,
and that said election shall be conducted In con.
formity with the provisions Of an Act of the Leg
islature of the State of Nevada regulating Prims.
ry Elections, approved February 9th 1888.
instructed to make immedi ate returns and full
returns of said election to f. W. Fairbanks Sec
retary, Dayton, Nevada
VIC DoVEY, Chairman.
+. W. FAIRBANks, Secretary.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1886-08-14
IT III Il
II HI Il
E
- AIo N,
FRED BIERKE, Proprietor.
Virginia City, New,
Virginia City, New,

Between Wells Fsrgos and Odd Fellows
Building, South Street
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1886-08-14
GREENFIELD,
September 20, 1880s

Resolved, That for the purpose Of this election
of State Delegates the county shall be divided in
to six districts, as follows;
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1886-08-14
THE EXPERT SPECIALIST,

THE EXPERT SPECIALIST,
HAR. ALLEN AS Is WILL KNOWN, Is REG
kBulsr graduated Physisian ana Surgeon educa-
ted at Bowdon ollege and University, of Michi-
gan. He has devoted lifetime to and is acknowl-
edged 20 be the most expert Surgeon in his
specially on the Pacific Coast.
YOUNG MEN
And MIDDLE-AGED MEN who are suffering from
the effects Of Youthful Indiscretions Excesses
in maturer years, NERVOUS and PHYSICAL DEBILITY
IMPoTENCY, LOST MANHOOD, confusion OF IDEAS
dull eyes aversion to society, dependency, PIN
pies the face. loss of energy and memory,
frequency Of uriuating, etc. Remember that by 4
combination of remedies of great curative % YER
the Doctor has so arranged his treatment that It
will not only afford immediate relief but perma-
nent cure.
MY HOSPITAL EXPERIENCE
(Hsving been surgeon in charge of two leading
hospitals) enables me to treat all private troubles
with excellent results. l wish il distinctly under.
stood that do net claim to perform impossibili'
ties. to have mirsculousor supernatural power.
claim only to be skillful and successful Ply
sician and Surgeon thoroughly informed in my spec
ialty-
All applying to me will receive my honest opinion
of their complaints no experimenting. l will
guarantee positive cure in every case undertake,
or forfeit 81 900. Consultation in Office by letter
FREE and strictly private. Charges reasonable.
Thorough examination. including chemical sod
microscopic analysis of urine and advice S5.
Office hours, 9 to 3 daily, to evening sunday,
. to IL only. Call or address
DIR. ALLEN.
26h Kesrny Street, San Francisco, Cal.
s4Remember the Doctor has a Vegetable
Compound. the result of many years of spec
sl practice aud hard study, which, under his
special advice has nerer failed Of success in the
cure of Lost Manhood, PrOstatOrrhGa,
etc.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1886-08-14

Dk. SPINNEY.
No. II Kearny street.
Treats all Chronic and Special Dis
eases.
YOUNG MEN

YOUNG MEN
"HO MAY BE SUFFERING FROM THE
W effects Of youthful folies or indiscretion
Will do well to avail themselves OF this tue great
est boon ever laid at the altar Of suffering hu-
mAnity. DR. spINNEY will guarantee to forfeit
$500 for every case of seminal Weakness or pri-
Vate disease Of any kind or character which he
undertakes and fails to cure.
MaDDLE-AGED MEN.
There are many at the age OF thirty TO sixty
VINO are troubled with too frequent evacu4tions OF
the bladder, often accompanied by slight smart
ing and burning sensAtio on, and weakening of the
system In manner the patient cannot account
Tor. On examining the urinary deposits a ropy
sediment will OF ten be found, and sometimes
smal PARTICLES Of albumen will appear, or the
color will be Of thin, whitish hue, again chang
ing to a dark and torpid appearance. There are
many men who die of this difficulty iguorAnt OF
the eau e, which IL the second stage of seminal
weakness DR.. s. will guarantee perfect cure in
sueh cases. and healthy restoration Of the genito
urinary organs.
ONCE Hours-l0 to 4 and 6 to 8. Sundays from
Oio IL A. N. Consultation free. Thorough xAmi.
nation and advice, S5.
Call or address
DIR. SPINNEY Il CO.,
No II Kearny Street. San Francisco.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1886-08-14

mt n fields scarce, hut those who write to
Hill / Stinson 4 Co, Portland, Maine will receive
Hill 1 free, full information about work which
"IIBHE they do and live at home, that will pay
W " 11 them from s. to $25 per day. Some have
earned $50 In day Either young old Capital
required You started free Those who start at once
absolutely of snug little fortunes. All is new
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1886-08-14
FINE WINES,
LIQUORS
81 GIG AIRS
Always on hand.
Always on hand.

The CORNER SALOON has just been comp
leted and is second TO none in the county. The
stock Of liquors is selectedfrom the best. Cour
teous treatment given TO all Give the place a
call when you come to town, A share Of your
patronage is all that is asked.
Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1886-08-14

keep none but the very best brands Of
Whiakies and Brandies, and all other Liquors
and Wines of A No. Quality at the Bar; also
by the Gallon or Bottle the best brands of Beer.
always fresh, on drsught or in bottles. Genuine
English Ale and Porter. In connection with the
Bar l keep the very best Free Lunch and Choice
Lunches to order in this city.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-09-25
PuNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

1t is not 4 misfortune for young
lady to lose her good name when
nice young gentleman gives her bet
ter ona.-N Y. LedJc-.
The reason some men never meet
with any failures in life is because they
never make any efforts to succeed
PHILADELPHIA Cal.
Some subjects of discussion are so
light that when You stop talking about
them YOU don't hear any thing drop
Buiinytoa Free Press.
We see a lengthy article going the
rounds of the papers headed: "How
to Manage Wife" We didn't read
it; no usc-Keatucky Sac journal.
1T usel to b. asked about the So
ciety man, What is his business?'
Now. however. the inquiry should be:
..Wh, is his father-in-lawT-N T.
Mat
Beware of the young man who
writes love-letters with typewriter.
They may be dictated, and if he die
tates before marriage he will boss after.
warl. Chicago Tribune.
Never spread an i'll report about
your neighb Or until you know positively
that it is true: and don't do it then il
he is COOL deal bigger than you are.
-Teras Siflings.
1t is easy enough to be Agreeable
in society. All you have to do is t,
listen while the other man talks.
the other man is woman you've goi
to listen anyway Cambridge (Mas;.
Chronicle.
HAS nv client any right?" aske
A counsellor, OIL. of patience. of {,
brother-wrangler at the bar. Il know
not" was the response: "but one thing
is certain-when you get through with
him he ii have nothing left. "-Chtcaq,
Ledger.
Are all the sweet girls graduated:
II so. let Us resume consideration OF TIL
servant-gal problem. where we left OF
to listen to essays on ''Womans Work
and housekeeping as a Fine Art. "
Buffalo Express.
1t is the fashion in New York
country seats to have donkey feed
ING on the velvet lawn. 1t looks So
rural and homelike. And then whe.l
the dude walks over his fathers estate
he doesn't feel lonesome.-Bosto
Trdreler.
-Lightning-rol Ageat--..It's danger
ous to be under this tree in a thunder
storm. One of Us might get killed.
Victim well. if you are killed yo'
won't be able to tilk any more: and j
l am killed l cant hear you. So
guess we'd be,ter,ftayr ''-7oIedo:Btste
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-09-25
BABY AT THE TABLE.
Every day Meal-Time scenes Re corded b.
ii Trustworthy Secretary.

Everyday Meai-Time scenes he cOf0eO Ds
ii Trustworthy Secretary.
The meeting was called together at
sight o clock a. M. with the baby in
the chair. After rapping the table
violently to secure the attention of
those present, the chairman made Il
motion 10 upset the butter. The
motion was seconded bat not in time.
and the butter was carried.
The minutes of the last meeting were
then read and disapproved. During
the recital. the chairman emphasized
his displcasure by throwing muffin ut
the secretary. The report. however,
was completed. and the muffin laid on
She table.
The regular business was then taken
up. 1t was voted to allow the chair
man glass of milk, muffin and a
small piece of steak. Exception being
taken to the latter. it was allowed t.
take the floor in its own defense. The
chairman demanded a larger piece. and,
after a brief constitution, the demand
was granted.
The matter of bib for the chair
man having been brought up. by the
discovery that that article had been
surreptitiously removed and deposited
under the table. the nurse was requested
to replace the same. The chairman
objected. on the ground that bibs were
unnecessary and undigniiied. Objec-
ton overruled and bib replaced.
At this point the chairman called at
tention to large existing deficit in the
supply of milk, and suggested an as.
sessment on the cream pitcher. 1t was
thought best. however, to supply the
deficiency from the diurnal endowment
in the pantry, and the matter was dis
cussed in very animated manner by
the chairman and several members oi
the convention. The chairman OBJ
lection was finally overrulnd. as a veto
for cream only. and the bill was passed.
On motion of the nurse. the chair
man was tied into his chair, to prevent
his taking the iloor-a very unpar.
liamentary proceeding. Upon discov.
ering this piece of strategy on the part
of the opposition, the chairman was
very indignant. and objected with such
force and vehemence that his count
enance became fairly ilorid. While
emphasizing his remarks by successive
gestures. he removed the cutlery,
crockery and glassware from his im-
mediate vicinity. AMI drew a large Sec
ton of the table-cioth into his lap.
A motion to adjourn was hastily
made by the nurse. and was partici
pated in by the chairman. The meet.
ing. being thus left without quorum
was declared adjourned by the secre
tary. subject to the call of the chair
man.-PaW PdStn0r, in Puck.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-09-25
NAMES FOR FAME.
Ludicrous AppelIations Bestowed Upon
Innocent Children by Silly Parents.
ho SoInfhaYI

Ludicrous Appellations Bestowed upon
Innocent Children by Silly Parents.
OF all people perhaps the SoutherL
negro is the most noted for curious
names. This, no doubt. is due to the
fact that on attaining freedom they
sometimes took their former master 5
surname, but more often adopted one
of their own selection. Hence they
were oftentimes ludicrous. at Others
grandiloquent. An old woman near
Orangeburg, 5. c., who has large
family. all with very long names.
may be regarded rs Il fair specimen.
Her Oldest son has the short appel.
lation Of James Washington Scipio
Cesar Alfred June Louis Lynch; one
of her daughters. Ida Celesita Lovely
Vcne Lovely Vine Susan Matilda Belle
Caroline Lynch; her youngest, Rebeccs
Annabel Victoria Purity Little Siss
Medoria Lynch; and the others are
long. but not to be compared with
these
Nor are some of the Caucasians be.
hind iii this line: A Young man of the
same South Carolina neighborhood rev.
els in the coils of this cognomen
James Virgil John Drubel William
Philologus Gunter, being named after
all his uncles and grandfathers..
A well-known South Carolina doctor,
whose experience dates over twenty
five years of an extensive practice, and
who has. i'm consequence. been in con-
tact with many people of all classes.
said he knew of young gent whose
delightful name was Gilbert Filbert
Fillmore Stansel Stanmore. He also
said that he was once attending II
patient whose social status was not
upper ten, being rather of moody
character. He had completed q dag
nosis of the case and was preparing
the medicine A little sallow. dirty,
clay-eating boy came in the door
gnawing biscuit. He did not see the
doctor. and was soon absorbed in ex-
amining the bottles in the medicine
chest. The doctor. placing his hand
on the boys head. asked: What is
your name. nv little man. The little
fellow looked up with an expression of
terror, and shot under 4 bed.
Don't be afraid of the doctor.
called his mother. trying to drag him
from under the bed: ..he won't hurt
YOU Come oat an tell him your
name. Don't be scared. Come out
an tell the doctor YOUR name is John
Lamb Flam Lorregan Lanninhams
Beauregard Cas>avanican Br-
John l.. +. l.. l.. b. c. not coming
ont. she added coniidentially to the
doctor: I'VE call him Booty for
short" "--Detroi Free Press.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-09-25
Egyptian English.

The following is a placard in the
possession of British naval officer
just returned from Egypt. He pro-
cured it ut Il cdis ctanLaR in Alexan-
dria. 1t was printed in several lam
guages, and this is the English part
Every of the consumm 1t .on> of the
Goddess, one piastre besides. Every OF
the claim to be addressed directly OF
the direction. During the repetitions
the price of consummations to be the
same that in every the others coffee.
With the aid of the parallel passages
in other languages the meaning Is
found rs follows: .All iced drinks one
piastre extra. All complaints should
be made at the office. Notwithstanding
the performance the prices will be tho
same As those of other cafes Nan
chester Guardian.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-09-25
AvA'S JOKE.
Perpetrated by One Little Girl Upon An
other Little Girl At school.

Perpetrated by One Little Girl Upon An
other Little Girl At school.
think it was the best joke l ever
knew of one little girl playing on an
other. though it wasn't an April fool
1t couldn't be, you know, because it
happened some time after the first day
of April. 1t was when Ava was five
years old, and just beginning to go to
school, a blue-eyed. sunny-haired little
maid, who seemed to find her chief de-
light in doing pleasant things for Peo-
pie.
One day mamma put an extra nice
dinner in the pretty tin luncheon-boX.
There was a slice of frosted cake, and
two jelly tarts. and piece of lemon
pic, and a sandwich with turkey, il
stead of ham. which Ava didn't like.
Right in front of Ava at school sat
little 'Viny Gates. who never in the
world brought any thing for her dinner
but biscuit. | suppose may De she
didn't have any thing else to bring.
That was what Ava thought, too, deep
down in her plying little heart
Well. this day Ava was swinging
her feet while she studied her
lesson. and she hit her toes against
something that ratified: She looked
down, and there was Why's dinner
pail that had somehow got pushed
back-an old. little bruised-up pail,
with only a biscuit in it, Ava knew:
A bright thought popped into her head
that minute. 1t was so funny she had
to put her hand over her mouth to
keep from laughing right out loud in
school. Why was saying her lesson;
and quick as flash Ava took off the
cover of the pail and took out the bis
cult, and put in her own nice luncheon
and nut on the cover again.
And at noon when Why Gates went
to eat her dinner. what do you sup
pose she said? she said:
.'Oh, where'd l get 'em? where'd
| l get emp And she almost cried; but
not because she felt bad.
And Ava full of glee. ran ali the way
home to &c, her own dinner. and tell
| mamma about it.
'.She was so s'prised, mamma, and
| gladm she cried.
And mamma was glad. too-very
glad: but somehow she felt her eyes
grow warm as she kissed the little glow.
ing face Youths Companion.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-09-25
STATISTICS OF IRELAND.
Points Of Interest in Connection with thu
Home Rule Movement

Points Of Interest in Connection with the
Home Rule Movement.
According to the census OF 1881 the
population of Ireland was distributed
a. follows: Leinster. l,27S. .9s9; Mum
ster, 1881, ,1I5; Ulster. l.74S,o75; Con-
nausht. s2l.657. The proportion
per cent. Of population in each
province engaged in or supported
by agriculture, according tt the census
of 1881: Leinster. sos; Munster. 66.4:
Ulster. G7.7: Connaught, ST.; proper
ton for Ireland. 66. The value of
cereals and other crops were in 1885
the following: Leinster, tS,092. $50;
Munster, t., 7,651.a43: Ulster. fll,623,-
757; Connaught. "a. 400. 905. OF fcattle.
sheep and pigs: Leinster. fl6.9 s61;
Munster. ga. a.04S,949; Ulster. fl3. .661.-
364; Connaught. El0.S57.O91; horses
for the four provinces. fll,93o,2lo.
Proportion per cent. in 1881 in
each. province of persons five
wears old and upward who can
neither read nor write: Leinstcr. males.
1913: females, 20.6: total. 2o.2. Nuns
ter, POI, 3l.1. and 80: Ulster, 1913,
2I /. AMI POS: Connaught. 35.2. lo.5.
and 37.9; total Ireland. 23.s. 26.5. 25.2.
Numbers of persons engaged in 1881
in principal occupations throughout
Ireland: Agriculture. }. .S11: mann
factures. 69l. 500: trade and commerce.
a. 245: professions. 12S.6si: dom ,stics.
426. l6l: no occupation. 35S.36o. The
centers of manufacturing interests are
Belfast. Dublin, Lin rick and Cork.
Rateabie valuation in 1854 and income
tax ass ssessments of each province:
Leinster, E4, ,7i5.3l9 anl il3.272. POP;
Munster. f3.419.9os and f7.9S0. .0S6;
Ulster. "a. .327. 209 and f9.952. 2S?: Con-
naurht, fl,366.705 and f2.995. 43s.
Religions in 1881: Leinster, Rom iii
Catholics. l.O94,625; Protestant. ISL
l64; percentage of Roman Catholic.
s5.5: Munster. 1.249.3Si: sl.73l. 95.s:
Ulster, S33. 1856: So3.5o9. AS: Con-
naught. 7S3, 1l6. 3S,541, 95.3. Pauper-
ism in 1884: Leinster. poor relief ex-
penditures. f334. 1877; persons relieved.
l53, 969: percentage of relieved. II:
Munster. f32s. l95, 142.046. l0.5: u
ster, fI71.157. 1896. 4.6: Connaught,
f112.3s1. 4l.oal. ). Agrarian otfenses
in 1885: Leinster, l56: Munster. 56s'
Ulster, 81: Connaught, l53.-Londo,s
TraDkir.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-09-25
RICHES.

The cotters wife stood at her easement
small.
And looked away tn the d slant hill
Where NV lady lived in naughty pride
In the Hall so grand and still.
Wy lady. she :nurmured. "can st At ease,
With never al;hought of work or care:
No ch tdrer to tumble r house about,
All me- if l could be there
Ny lady stood al the window wide
And parted the folds Of curtain lace.
Aud she looked far down to the cotters home
With sweet sad look on her face.
Il suppose my station and wealth and ease.
My neg hor down there envicS me;
Yet would give her them every ono.
If shed give her children to me-
As though some thought of tn 8 came to her,
The cotters wife turned to the snowy bed
Where her children Slent, 50 fair and sweet,
NAY, I'm richer than She" she said
j. h Lu!lum. in Chicago Adruncs.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-09-25
FUR OUR YOUNG FOLKS.
A WOUlD-BE SAILOR.

knew a little youngster
Who would a sailor be;
He did not care for top or ball.
For marbles. kites or trinkets small
He did not care for these NJ all,
For he would gO to sea
The things he really cared for
Were queer things such as these:
Odd knots of rope, and bits OF string.
4 mari neSp ke. hammock ring,
India nix. or any thing
That might sailor please.
lie liked to read Of voyages.
And nayi-a.ofS lore.
" And can tel YOU how. he said.
=. To make spl ce or Il Turks head.
To hold the reel. or hetve u lead.
And--oh. a great deal more.
And if perchance you missed him.
When others were At play.
You d find him slowed in some Cdo noOA
OF cruis ny in his sailor book
With Frobsher Ur Captain COOK.
In regions far away
He has not gone from home rs yes
To ship before the mast:
Eut only wait ana on shall see
Sa iors are made from such As he;
III very sure that lie will he
An Admiral at last.
--U'uun = r.. Mn,hsr, in 81. Nicholas.