Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-11-26

I was asked to assist at farce-riy class
| our class got it up. l was immense.
| That was the word 1t broke me all UP.
l was on hand in every amateur perform
ance from that time forward. What did l
| act? What didn't ! act? I am a fine, o,
an elegant, superb reader. No! l won't
read to you. I'm not an migrate. I'm run
down at the heel. Blest if I've had o pair
of socks since I left st. Joe. But won't.
/ positively decline to demonstrate my elo-
cutionary powers here; besides, it's a bar
room. This outfit probably cost SO, 1000,
and won't smash it with my eloquent out
bursts. You doubt my ability to do it?
Well, look at me; cost my father upward
of eight thousand for schooling alone,
and my elocution has smashed me.
"When l was ready to put shingle up
announcing another lawyer had dawned on
the world, / abstained. An actor-a man
who knew it all'-convinced me l would
rob the world of genius, a marvel of his
trionics. Now, that's not the sort of a man
l am. My aim is to benefit mankind. You
can understand availed myself of the OPP
portunity offered me by my experienced
discoyerer--well, at least he was one of the
people who discovered me to demonstrate
to a waiting yealning, hungry public my
histrionic powers. ] joined theatrical
company. | believe ] might have con-
WINGED the public, but there was one leetle
drawback. There were just ten of us, and
seven of the ten, give you my word, had
no more knowledge of the stage
than I have of Arabic. Seven
seren were elocutionists, like my
self. We started-no! let not the spicy
mint betray me into loose language. We
rose in the East, about meridian, let me
say, and set instantly. That, we seven
We're assured, was IL mere trial of some
dog. We rose again. We sat down again.
There was either too much action, or too
much elocution. 1t is "a knotty problem. I
have not solved it to my satisfaction, but 1
suspect, l begin to suspect it was surfeit
OF elocution that did the business.
"Then our guiding spirit. scorning the
East. made a bee-linc for the West Do
you know the real reason the star of En-
pire takes its way West? It's because stars
of. They don't need three square meals a |
day. One will do. In a pinch, they can
make it on a cracker. They don't incur
unnecessary Wash-bills. In short. [ can
prove TO You the laundry is not included
in the appointments. No overcoats, no
fires in cold rooms, no fine linen, no linen !
at all, except dickey to dress the Count
i,,--o,,J II {;rb al 1,,,ti
SO close his arm would snap sooner than
his sword.
swell, stranger, my marvellous elocu-
tionary powers, reinforced by the six / have |
referred to, were so strong that they
brought the company to Omaha. We
lodSe-no! we hung out there a fortnight. |
Then the voice culture that charmed q
and waited us-well, as far as eating was
concerned we travelled light-wafted us
clear over here to San francisco. And
then, all at once may say, the propellne
force gave out. You may believe me OF
not, / haven't power enough left to pay fol
wasting shirt. Consequently I don't
wash my shirt, or permit anybody to pass
around it with soap.
of had been born dumb it would have
been a great blessing to me. In my
opinion, seven mules would make
more Roadway i'll histrionics than the seven
unfortunates that came here together to
illuminate the western horizon. 1t won't
leave us. 1t won't let us go, either. If it
only would send us back to Vermont! Do
me a favor. If you know young man or
woman with fine enunciation-a thorough
knowledge Of the rules governing elocution
kill him or her, and you'll save them
world Of suffering and humiliation.
"Yes, l am thinking of walking back.
but I'm too heavy yet. ] must reduce my
self. When 1 left Vermont drought down
the scales at 1872 pounds Sounces. I've got
rid Of forty pounds in less than two
months. When get down twenty or forty
pounds lower I'll be light enough to 60 in
a pine box"
But he was induced to change his mind.
The proposed reduction was not made. He
returned to Vermont a month later, looking
like another, as I am convinced he is a
wiser man. He is copying law papers in
town in Connecticut. The pay is poor,
but he writes me he manages to get enough
to pay for his tobacco, which is more than
he received as an exponent of elocution on
the stage.-Chico0o Ledger.
ABOUT STaRS.
Alpha Centaurii, the leading star in