The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-12-30
rHE MAN FRoM ToM,s awe
who Doesn't Propose to Allow an Enemy
to Land on His Coast.

to Land on His Coast.
Yon may have seen something In the pa
pers about the coast defenses. The idea has
somehow got abroad that our coasts ought to
be lined with forts and guns as warning TO
Europe against declaring war against us some
MOI ning before breakfast Engineers have
surveyed and reported, and congressional
committees have sat and reported, and for
about $50 ,09O, 900 I'VE can get things in such
shape that when the enemy's first iron-clad
heayes in sight she can be saluted in proper
style
A lot OF us were sitting iii The depot wait
ing room at Trenton and the only man who
had a newspaper was reading away for dear
life, when a stranger entered with Gwo Sach-
els and tall girl, chucked the baggage under
a scat, waved the girl to another, and walked
up to the man with the newspaper and asked:
"AIister, is there anything in the paper
about our coast defensesN
mo, sir" was the gluf reply.
"That's singular. Have they given up the
idea, do you think"
II don't know what you mean, sir"
"You DON'T Why, they've been talking
for the last year about building forts to pro-
tect our coasts. | live down near the mouth
of Toms river, and | rather expect they'll
build big fort there. The way things are
now England, France or Germany could de-
clare war against us and land force at
Toms river before we had our eyes open.
They'd land right on my farm, and nobody
knows the damage they'd do. Don't see any
thing about fort at Toms river, eh!"
"No, sir"
swell, that's singular. II this government
expects me to get down behind a rock with
my old shotgun and keep Europe from land
ing at that point it's expecting leetle too
much of one man. I'd fight to the death, Of
course, but the chances are that hull navy
could lick one nigh sighted man. So the
paper don't say anything"
Didn't tell you no in the first place."
"Say! mebbe you don't keer copper about
coast defensesl' exclaimed the two-sachel
man, as red spot appeared on either cheek.
"Not copper, STRIP
~ thought so from the startl You live out
in Michigan or Indiana or Illinois, and are
tucked away in some holler where the sheriff
can't find yo, let alone an invader of our sa-
red sief Oh, no, you don't keer!"
"Father!" chided the tall girl as she halt
rose; but he turned on her with:
"Mary, you keep shet! I've allus thought
if Europe declared war agin us we'd have
plenty of enemies right at home, and here's q
case to prove it! Stranger, did you fife in the
last warF
"None o your business, sir!"
"There's his open hand, gentlemen" sale
the two-sache man as he turned to the
crowd, when you find man who dom
keer how soon the hull of Europe jumps OF
this country you have found man WHO'D
dig up the bones of Washington and sell em
to junk man for $5!'
The man with the newspaper laid it down
| got on bis feet and asked the other if ht
would step cut doors minute.
"No, sir, | won'tp was the prompt reply
DIN the fust place, I've got these two sacheE
to purtect; it the second place, there's Mary
in the third place, don't fight with no mar
who didn't fight in the last war In the fus
place, l asked ye if there was anything in thu
paper about our coast defenses."
"And | said no, you IDIOT"
Sand you said you didn't keer."
"Neither do ~
"There's his hand agin, gentlemen Will
| Pm lying behind rock at TOMS River, wait
ing to sell my life in defense of my country
here's Teller from Coon Holler, state of In
diana, who don't keer cooper's copper how
quick Europe kivers the site of New jersey
with the blood of our bravest menw
"Fatherl" chided Mary again.
"Lemme alone, Mary You know al
about carpet rags and darning and house
work, but you never heard the rumble o
war. If Europe is going to jump onto thi
country want to know who's going to shoe
me in the back as face the enemy"
The man with the newspaper opened it ant
sat down with dangerous glitter in his eyes
and there was solemn silence for a few min
utes. Then the TOMS River man edged owe
to Mary and they slid out doors together
Then he beckoned through the open wiudoy
to three or four of us, and as we went out h
surrounded us and whispered:
gentlemen, it's my solemn opinion tina
that feler is a iannisary from Europe VIII
has come over here to coax Uncle Sam not t
put up any coast defense. l want to sa
right here, and want you to hear it and re
member it, that if the enemy lands at Tom
River it will be over my dead body, and
won't be to blame for TN. Quad in De
trot Free Press