The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-07-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

waiter, this steak Is too tough TO cat.
Waiter-''Sorry, sab. 1se too busy to
argue bout dat steak now. If yo' vans
to argue wifi waiter bout de tough
ness of steak. yo' mus come in when de
noon rush am ober. ."-Neeo York Times.
| The most courteous hostess ever no
ticed was the lady who soothed the
feelings of guest who had broken a
rare egg-shell cup by taking up another
and calmly chipping it against the
table, with an arch smile. saying:
i''1hese things are so foolishly brittle
that they deserve to be broken"
The story is told on the Pacific coast
that Chinaman, discharged on account
of the boycott, turned to his late en-
ployer with an air of genial and imper-
s"nal regret: 80, yes; Ihshman ask
Mclean man send away Chinaman.
That all right. He go back to China
pretty good. Bimeby llishman send
Melican man away. Where yo@ go?'
Getting things mixed: A country min
lister who i'll addition to his clerical
duties followed the profession of a pho
tographer was called upon to perform
tho marriage ceremony. 'Now, then,
Young man." he said to the bridegroom
who was nervous and excited. as all
Eeye on that crack in the wall. and try
and look pleasant. ."-Hdrper's Bdzdr-
} There is a colored preacher who lives
near Jasper, G., that rules his horse by
tbutting him. If the horse is fractions
or stubborn he takes the kinks out by
deliberately seizing it by the ears and
butting it squarely in the forehead until
it falls to its knees. This it generally
does at the second or third butt. when
the old parson steps behind and drives
ahead again.-Conyers (Ga.) Solid
SOath.
Daniels as vigorous and hearty
an old man as can be found in Orange
County, but is phenomcnally thin. In
fact, he has about as little flesh on his
bones as a man in good health can
have. One day his little niece was
Visiting young friend whose father is
a doctor, and in wandering about the
house opened a closet in which there
was skeleton. why" she excIaim-
led, Il didn't know Uncle Dan1 was
dead. ."-NcW York Tribune.
DeGuy-"Fred, l saw you at the
Academy with strange girl last night
Who was it?n Ponsonby-''That was
my spring and summer girl. I've
shaken my fall and winter love" De-
iGuy-'Tm afraid don't fully cnvelop
iyour drift" Nothing
easier to explain. My winter girl likes
ice-cream and hates oysters, and my
summer girl despises ice-cream and
iadores the bivalves. BY this plan /
Esave enough each year to buy my clothes
in Lunnon. Philadelphia Call.
The affectionate mamma of Jamie R.,
aged 5, deemed it prudent to give him
dose of castor-oil, and took him to a
drugstore. in company with his little
sister, to have it mixed with soda water.
Jamie took the glass of suspected bev-
eragc in his hands. looked ut it a
moment, pursed up his little lips to the
edge, tilted it till the floating oil rose
labove his upper lip, and coo.ly drained
all the sweet water Having got oil he
could without swallowing the oil, he set
down the glass and said: ''It's sisters
turn now. ."-Rushtorth (Mont.) Check
rein.
Young Washington had been out of
town visiting his uncles sheep farm.
1t chanced that the Sunday after his
return home the subject of the lesson
was ''The Good Shepherd" +" Young Wash
sat and listened to the teachers dis
course with superior smile. There
was nothing about sheep that Le didn't
know. ''How does the Good Shepherd
know his sheepP" presently asked the
teacher. Il know" cried Wash, who
felt that his time had come. Some he
Sits their ears. and some he marks red
chalkr'-Providence Journal.
The strike mania has entered the
office of the Rambler. 1t says that it
wants to see strike ''of oppressed and
down-trodden capital against tyranni
cal and despotic labor, represented by
walters, bell-boys, sleeping-car pOrters.
and other grinding monopolists. These
naughty tyrants are carrying things
with high hand, and we warn them
that trouble will come of it. 1t is too
much for railroad companies to expect
the public to pay the salaries of their
porters. Something is decomposed in
Denmark when walters offer to pay for
the privilege of serving in fashionable
restaurant"
A man tiptoed into an editors office
and lokeG furtively about. Say" he
said to the editor, '.get your pencil
ready. I've got a big piece of news
The editor did So MY wife's grand
mothers aunts uncle. who has neph-
ew living near Baltimore, says that
peachblow vase" Great Scottr' ex-
claimed the editor; ''this is important
if true. Do you know how much he
did pay for it?'' 'Seventeen-thousa
-nine-hundred- d-ninety-nine--
ldollars--and-n ninety nine cents. -
INeU York Times.
"Have you any tobacco, friend?" ask
ed Manchester IN. HI man of
stranger in the depot the other day.
''Plenty of it, neighbor," said the
'''friend," drawing out Accent plug
and handing it to the ''neighbor." Il
SAY, friend, does it make any difference
to you where l bite this?" asked the
neighbor. turning it over and over in
his hands as if looking for a good place.
mot in the least" said the friend in
surprise. ''Well, then, I'll bite it in
Boston" said the neighbor, stepping
aboard the train as it started out
Detroit Free Press.
"Ah, Farmer Robinson" said his fair
city guest. ''how quietly you live out
here in the country. You are not dis
turbed by society quarrels. or political
excitement, or labor troubles, but all is
comfortable and pleasant" Yes, miss.
i s'pose it looks so to you. But there's
the hottest society quarrel over who's
going to sing alto in the choir next
year; an the politics, Ben johnson
swears l shan't be selectman again;
and as for labor troubles, my hired man
struck yesterday because wanted him
to milk the cows before breakfast. o,
we have our little seasons of enjoyment
tas well as you city folks. '-Haryord
Post.
That the administration of justice is
often affected by extraneous circum-
stances is truth which becomes evil
dent early in life. The bright 6-year-
old son of a genial clergyman of the
historians acquaintance had been en-
gagged with some of his friends, in
wrongdoing, and he was called into the
house under circumstances that seemed
ominous. Did you get lickedP" inquir-
ed one of his matter-of-fact companions
the next day. "Well, yes, l did," ad-
mitted the young philosopher; but l