The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-07-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

burlington free Press.
Caught bad cold, see; how did
you get it?' 'In one of those bweastly
street-cars, dear boy" '.Sat beside the
open window, eh?'' .Ah, no." How,
then?" Il caught it in the cars sitting
next to wet-nurse, don't chew knaw."
-TeraS SytingS.
Aunt Jane (from the country)-''Con-
ductor, just let me out at Nathan Skies
house" Conductor-'1 don't know
Nathan Skies. What street does he live
on? Do you know?n Aunt Jane
"Well, no; | don't But I'm in no bur-
~ Just drive your bus around town.
l guess I'll know the house when / see
it'd BITS.
This is the way in which a loyal Phil
adelphian ditferentiates Philadelphia
from New York. 'In Philadelphia"
he says, ''there are always 200, 900 quiet
people who have a dollar more than
they need, and in New York there are
500, 100 fast people who each have s.
less than they owe
Clara (sorrowfully) Mother, l am
convinced that young Mr. Simpson does
not love me-" Mother-''Why, dear?9"
Clara-''Last evening he referred to
new pair of shoes that he had just
bought He got them a size too large.
No young man in love ever buys shoes
too large for him. IN. 7. Sun.
The Washington Republican says
there is no place on this footstool where
better liquors are sold than under the
dome of the Capitol. And it is safe to
say that nowhere is footstool are
there better and lore experienced
judges of liquor than can be found un-
der the dome of the same Capitol
No17tstoa0n Herald.
1t is reported that the cowboys of
Western Dakota will join the general
strike. When they do, any man being
appointed Deputy Sheriff to help ar
rest them can send his address to the
leader, and one of the boys will be de-
tailed to 90 around and shoot him at
his own residence. No publicity. Death
guaranteed in every case.-EStelytnae
Bell.
mo" said bankrupt merchant,
sadly, advertising doesn't p =. Itried
it just before failed, so know what
I'm talking about" What newspa-
pers did you advertise imp '.Not any
newspaper. pasted 500 dodgers on
barn Just out of town, and I'm a sinner
if wind-storm that same night didn't
scatter that barn over a ten-acre cow
pasture. Don't talk to me about adver-
Using. IN Y San.
In leap year japanese girls who want
husbands set out 1ower-pots on the front
portico as an emblem Such a custom
in this country would exhaust the floral
contents of many Conservatives. AT
present all young man wants to know
Is whether the young woman has ane-
none. He is always ready to marigold
but not quite so much so, perhaps, as
the young lady.-N0rriStoa0f Herald.
Mrs. Parvenu was at very exclusive
affair on Sixteenth street the other even
ing, and the hostess was asking about
her daughter, whose health has not
been good. "O," said the lady, "Mollie
is not improving as l should like TO have
her. You see, the doctor told me she
ought to try calisthenics. and I've been
to every drug store in town, but can't
find a bit anywhere. | sent to NV
York for some, but | haven't heard from
liiSIS Sl- " tCSfCtfSJtOFt IItttt
The boy had been in the habit of 90
ing to the old lady's residence each sue
ceeding spring and raking and cleaning
up her yard. This year he went as usual.
The old lady asked him what would be
his charges Two dollars, num-" he
replied. How is that? l never paid
you but 81 heretofore. well, mum,
you see labor is capital, and we must
insist on our worth" The old lady
cleaned up the yard herself, and sent 81
to the missionary society.-Albany Jour-
nal
There is a large-sized unpleasantness
in a church that does or rather did exist
at Oconee, Ga. The members were
living together tremendously and own
ed neat church. All was peaceful till
the preacher and the deacons started to
arguing the prohibition question, and
then the parsOn got so mad that he
turned all out of church who disagreed
with him. Then the dethroned deacons,
not to be outdone, went to the church.
turned the parson out, and locked the
doors Now there is dearth of eccles-
astical instruction in that town.
What is a walking delegate pap
''He IS man, my son, who is paid to
go around to tell men to strike'' Don't
the men know enough to strike without
being toldP' mo, my child. They
are too busy at work to discover that
they are being oppressed. The walking
delegate, not being at work, has time to
find out all these things" Does he al
ways walk, pa?" No, precious, he
never does. He rides and the men pay
for 1t, Now, run away, my son, and
some other day 1 will give you another
lesson in labor. ''-PbiLaselphta call.
There seems to be difference be-
tween Cincinnati and Chicago reporters.
Sam Jones says, II don't understand
why you newspaper people are so hard
to reach. | should think you'd be easy.
seeing that you see so much of the hol-
lowness, sham, and wickedness of the
world; but you amt. | can reach you
as newspaper men, [ can touch your ap-
probation by smart or witty savings,
mayhaps, but you are awful hard to
touch as men. Your hearts are difficult
OF access. Now, in Cincinnati | con-
yerted several reporters, but in Chicago
L could not touch one with forty-foot
pole"
The late venerable Timothy Dodd of
Boston boarded for long time at the
American House. He stood in front of
the hotel one day when stranger rush
ed up and screamed out, II am in great
haste to get to the Fitchburg depot!'
looking Mr.. Dodd in the eye. '.What
did you say, sir?' asked Mr. Dodd very
mildly, and bowling low. Il am in
haste to reach the Fitchburg depotr'
screamed the stranger louder than be-
fore. Mr.. Dodd, again bowling and
speaking in that mild way of his. then
said: Il hope, sir. that you will not al
low me to detain you for one minute"
Boston TrareIer.
This story is told of Mr. Mac,
well-known humorist residing at Rock
life, Canada, on the Ottawa, who COM
bines the duties of station agent and
postmaster: Having acted for some
time as master of mails at that place to
IL Z