Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-12-19
! THE MAN FROM TOMS RIVER
Who Doesn't Propose TO Allow an Enemy
to Land on His Coast.

to Land on His Coast
Nou may have seen something in the pa-
pers about the coast defenses The idea has
somehow got abroad that our coasts ought to
be lined with forts and guns as warning to
Europe against declaring war against us some
morning before breakfast Engineers have
surveyed and reported, and congressional
committees have sat and reported, and for
about SSO,oeO,OO We can get things in such
shape that when the enemy's first iron-clad
heaves in sight she can be salutei in proper
style.
Il lot OF us were sitting in the depot wait
ing room at Trenton, and the only man who
had newspaper was reading away for dear
life, when a stranger entered with Two sach-
els and a tall girl, chucked the baggage under
seat. waved the girl TO another, and walked
up to the man with the newspaper and asked;
Mister, Is there anything in the paper
about our coast defensesf'
NO, sir" was the gruff reply
That's singular. Have they given up the
Idea, do YOU Think
Il don't know what you mean. sir"
Aou don't! Why, they've been talking
for the last year about building forts to pro-
tect our coasts | live down near the mouth
OF Toms river, and | rather expect they'll
build big fort there. The way things are
now England, France or Germany could de
clare war against MS and land force at
Toms river before we had our ewes open.
They'd land right on my farm, and nobody
knows the damage they'd do Don't see any
thing about fort at Toms river, chr
NO, sir
~Well, that's singular. II this government
expects me TO get down behind rock with
my old shotgun and keep Europe from land
ing at that p' its expecting a leetle too
much Of one l. I'd fight TO the death, of
course, but the chances are that a hull navy
could lick one nigh sighted man. So the
paper don't say anythingg'
Didn't tell You no in the first placer
Say. mebbe you don't keer a copper about
coast defenses," exclaimed the two-sachel
man, as red spot appeared on either cheek
Not copper, sir
81 thought so from the start! You live out
in Michigan or Indiana or Illinois, and are
tucked away in some holler where the sheriff
can't find We, let alone an invader of our ss-
red silei Oh, no. you don't keer!"
Father" chided the tall girl as she half
rose; but he turned on her with:
Mary, you keep shet, I've aIlus thought
If Europe declared war agin US we'd have
plenty of enemies right at home, and here's a |
case to prove it! Stranger, did You fits in the
last war;
None o your business, sir"
There's his open hand, gentlemenr' said
the two-Sachel man as he turned 10 the /
crowd when you find a man who don't
keer how soon the hull of Europe jumps on |
this country You have found a man who'd |
dig up the bones Of Washington and sell EN- |
to a junk man for S.
The man with the newspaper laid it down.
got on his feet and asked the other if be
would step out doors a minute
No, sir, WON'T was the prompt reply
Sln the fust place, I've got these two sachels
TO purtect: 1t the second place, there's Mary;
in the third place, don't fight with no man
who did'It fight in the last war In the fuSt
place, / asked We if there was anything in the
paper about our coast defenses."
And | said no, YOU idiot!7
And you said you didn't keer"
Neither do II
There's his hand agin, gentlemen! While
Tn lying behind a rock at Toms River. wait
ing TO sell my life in defense of my country
here's feller from Coon Holler, state of In
diana, who don't keer cooper's copper how
quick Europe kivers the site of New Jerse,
with the blood Of our bravest men,"
Father" chided Mary sgain
"Lemme alone, Mary! You know all
about carpet rags and darning and house
work, but you never heard the rumble Of
war. If Europe is going to jump onto this
country want to know who's going to shoos
ME in the back as | face the enemy.n
The man with the newspaper opened it an6
sat down with dangerous glitter in his eyes,
and there was a solemn silence for a few min
utes. Then the Toms River man edged over
TO Mary and they slid out doors together.
Then be beckoned through the open window
to three or four Of US, and as we went out he
surrounded US and whispered:
Gentlemen, it's my solemn opinion that
that feiler is a januisary from Europe who
has come over here to coax Uncle Sam not to
put up any coast defense / want to say
right here, and want you to hear it and re-
member it, that if the enemy lands at Toms
River it will be over my dead body, and
won't be to blame for TN Quad in De-
troit Free Press.