The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1886-07-03
ALLEGED HTNGR.

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WILL labor carry the day." asks
writer. Labor does not want the day.
1t only wants eight hours OF it.-Bur-
lngton Free Press.
A NEW English dictionary is coming
out with 240, 900 words. The William
Nj. Evarts will charter a tug to go
down the harbor to welcome it.-DaH-
as TEX News.
'GEs," the good old New England
dame said, we've done Chicago and
done Milwaukee. After We do st. Paul
we're going up to Duluth. Texas
SiftingS.
VISITING clergyman in Indian Ma.
tion-"Are all these Indians Chris
tlans 2" Irish waiter-"No, sur, not
wan OF them; some is Comanches an
some is Episcopaians. ."-Texas Sift-
ings.
"How to acS in cyclone" is the
heading OF a newspaper article. The
neighbors can act just as they want to
when a cyclone strikes the town, but
We shall act Just as if we were going
down cellar.
A New YORK alderman in drawing
up an Acknowledgement inadvertently
wrote: Witness my hand and steal"
The best lawyers agreed, that the paper
was perfectly legal, and would not need
to be changed.-Br0Okiyn Eagle.
Actors on Union Square: Can yon
give me that ten dollars, Jaggers ?''
''What ten dollars 20 "The ten dol
lars you borrowed on the road"
"All right, my boy. I'll pay it to you
in some form or other" "Well, make
it as like ten dollars as you CAM
Town Topics.
You've SMALLwAGE-'I desire to
purchase a ring for my tiancee." Oblig-
ing dealer-"Yes; how long have you
been engaged ?" Young S.-'CNearly
three years, sir" Obliging dealer Ito
clerk )-"Ah yes; James, show this
young man some OF those imitation
garnets. ."-ChicagO Rambler.
NO" snappishly said the summer
clearinghouse keeper to Mrs. Culture,
OF Boston, who was inquiring as to the
healthfulness OF the locality, mo, we
amt got no typhoid germs, and there
h'aint been no calls for 'em, either.
Folks Is wanting every thing nowadays,
and amt satisfied with clean beds and
plenty OF what's good to eat. Mail
and Express.
FAIR customer want to get a box
OF candy for q gentleman. What kind
would you recommend? Confectioner
What is his business? Fair custom
er-He is paragrapher on news
paper. Confectioner-Some of those
narrOns Glace would. be more ap-
ropriate-candied chestnuts, you
know. Fair customer-Give me a
column OF them.-ChicagO Rambler.
a PROMINENT New York alderman
went home quite elated g. few nights
since and told his wife that Deputy
Collector Of Customs Col. james E.
Jones had told him that he reminded
him so much OF one OF the prominent
characters mentioned in the New Tes-
lament. "Did he state which one?"
eyes, mentioned Anan Mas or some
such ame."-POmerOy's Democrat.
IN an affair OF honor between gentle
men one man was sentenced to offer
an apology for the affront he had Of
fered to his peers. Being a French
man, and not familiar with the English
Language, heappeared before his judges
and said: Gentleman, | ave zaid
you are the worst old fools l ave zeen.
Eat is true. | am under zentenee to
offer you my apology. l am very zor
ry for it"
AT a recent press dinner out West
one OF the guests present made a speech
in which he paid a glowing tribute to
the name and fame OF the immortal
Gutenberg. At the close OF the ad-
dress, which was received with vocifer-
Gus applause, the chairman, who had
dined well if not wisely, said: ''If Mr..
(hic) Gutenberg is present we would be
(hicj glad to have him make few re-
marks. Life.
CAPITALIST to Knight OF Labor-'If
you could get all you wished for, and
If you had three wishes, what would
you wish for? ?" knight of Labor
'I'd wish first for all the money /
wanted" Capitalist-"Well?" ?" K. OF
L.-"Then I'd wish to have no work
to do" Capitalist-"And what would
be your third?" K. Of 1.-THE
third. Lemme see. I'd want an in
crease OF wages and shorter hours OF
labor. ."-TeKas Siftings.
A PHYSICIAN is summoned to the
house OF q sick man. He hastens to
the patients bedside. "Alasl" he
murmurs on taking the poor mans
hand, "there is nothing to be done;
the hand is already green" ''But,"
said the wife, "my husband is adyer."
80, very well, ;" answers the physician,
you have really chance. II he
hadn't been a dier he would have been
dead in five minutes. ."-French Joke. |
Mr.. ENo-"What business did you
follow when in the states ?" Fresh ex-
ile-'I was stock raiser" Mr.. Emo
-"Oh, indeed Well, we can't admit a
mere cattlenan into our circle here,
you know. We must draw the line
somewhere" Fresh exile-"You don't
understand. raised my stock from
a safe, with a Jimmy" Mr.. Emo
"Pardon me, my dear boy. Come AMI
dine with US this evening. ."--L0WeH
Citizen.
a CERTAIN clergyman had man-of-
all work, whom he ordered on a festi-
val TO go to butcher, named David,
for piece OF meat, and then to come
10 Cne cnurcn Where Ine clergyman
was to preach. The clergyman in the
course OF his sermon happening to turn
toward the door as his hired man
came in, exclaimed: "And what says
David?" Upon which the other
roared out: "He swearsif you do not
pay your bill you need never send to
his shop again. ."-NewpOrt News.
Holding the Light.
Bill Nye.l