The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-10-14
HUM0R.

WHEN tfmo uealS the carub Tue ulo-
jority are sure to get the deuce
THE way of the transgressor is hard
until he reaches the Canada line.
The man with boil on his cheek
would like TO throw his phizache to the
dogs.
SINCE that Boston man swan the
Niagara whirlpool in cork jacket nu-
merous barrels haze been for sale.
"THERE are great many ways OF
catching flies. but | still adhere to fly
paper" as the man SAID When he sat
down on a sheet OF it.
HUsBANp-"That fence wants paint
ing badly; think I'll do it myself.
Wife-"Yes do it yourself if you think
it wants to be done badly"
A MILESTONE mine has been dis
covered in Dakota. Now let some one
turn up a scythe quarry and the hay
crop OF Dakota will be secure against
loss.
"How ONE thing brings up another"
said his lady, in pleasing RETROSPECT
ton. "Yes, replied Gibbs, IAN emet-
ic, for instance" She left the table in
a huff.
"WANTED, hands on gentlemen's coat
collars" is the way placard reads on
an East Side tailor shop. is there no
other way to hold your customers?-
IeTas SUtingS.
THE DANDY-LEGGED MAN.
The bandy-legged man is happy woen:
To terror ho's never prey
His knees never smite together with fear,
Because he amt built that way.
Boston Courier.
THE Governor of Ohio, visiting the
State prison, asked the prisoners if
they had any request to make, upon
which one of the convicts said that he
would, if the Governor was agreeable,
be glad to take trip to Europe, just
for a little vacation, as 1t were.
A FRENCHMAN has invented lock
with 3,647, 1856 combinations. It's to be
hoped that it won't be generally adopt
ed. Too many belated husbands would
have to climb in at the kitchen window.
A lock with only one combination is a
staggerer for most Of them.-Somer-
UiiLe Journal.
REPoRTER-I understand, Senator
Blank, you say you are not candidate
for the Presidency. Senator Blank
Yes, | have said so, but-er-of course
when q man is in the hands of his
friends there's no telling, you know,
what sacrifices he may be called upon
to make. lid Bits.
A VERY fastid Gus young man from
the city happened to attend a country
ball. Becoming enamored of the belle
of the evening, he asked if he might
claim her Tor partner in waltz on
the programme. No, much 'bleeged,"
was the artless reply; "them round
dances allus turn my stomach. De
troit Free Press.
JENKINS Ito Jones)-Why don't you
run for the Legis' ature? Jones-Oh,
/ have never thought anything about
it. Jenkins You could be elected.
Jones-You don't think so. Jenkins
L know it. Note from Jones in the
next mornings paper: an desire to
Weld to many friends, / hereby an
nounce myself as a candidate for the
Legislature. / have not sought this
office, but am compelled to yield to my
friends. "-ArkaTSdlO TraUeIer.
EAvEspRoPPINc.
They sat together in the soft moonlight,
Upon the rocks and gazed out Ger the sea.
He was handsome, manly youth, and quite
Their trysting place n romantic spot
Known, the lovers thought, to them alone
For. old Shake would say, they did not wot
That had made their secret all my own.
They engaged. She'd named the happy
day.
Within month they twain would be made
one.
Meanwhile they spooned and I'm ashamed TO
say,
used to hide close by and watch the fun
This special night they sat there, slow to speak,
As lovers WILL entranced in silent bliss
Until he drew her close, and on her cheek
Impressed, as lovers WILL Il tender kiss.
She started, shrieked. and thrust aside his
arm,
Then turned away her head and softly cried
why, darling!' no exclaimed, what was tho
harm?
What! can't fellow kiss his future bride"
But still she sobbed and then down by her
side
In wild alarm he knelt, and begged that she
would speak.
What can do to soothe my sweet9" he cried
What was the meaning of that dreadful
shrick2"
She raised her head little, dried n tear
The color flushed her face in one hot wave;
IL think, she sobbed, that if you really
loved me- dear,
You would go off somewhere and get shave"
-SomervtAe Journal.