Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-03-03
On the Road.

we three had Deen 10 Witness q
Legitimate drama at some st. Louis
variety hall one evening, remember
and thereafter seated ourselves in O
comfortable corner Of the lobby OF
the Southern hotel to enjoy a cigar
before going to bed. Cusby, apropos
of something that had come up, gave
us spirited account of an interview
he had some time back with a par
ticularly tough buyer whom his duty
had required him to tackle, when
Josh Brown was moved to relate an
experience of his own.
"Gus, your man wasn't patch on
a fellow l braced in Boston in the
spring of 49," he said. "Why, l was
turned out of that place 'steen times
in one day. / tried that chap in
every way, and although 1 was new
at the business in those days, l put in
some very good licks, and if l had
been blessed with as much muscle as
perseverance, and as many lives as a
cat, should certainly have sold him
a bill. At nine a. m. l went in,
sample grip in hand, and was fired
directly. AT 10 l tried without my
samples. No go. AT II l braced
him again. Result: black eye. Dur
ing the afternoon l made the attempt
in various disguises. 1 tried to effect
an entrance as an organ grinder, hav-
ing borrowed the instrument at a
heavy rental from Dago on the cor
ner. The new organ had to buy in
place of the kindling wood / brought
out of that store cost $50. AS an old
apple woman / was kicked into the
middle of the street, and after my
last attempt for tho day, which was
in the disguise of a performing bear,
/ was carted off in an ambulance.
"While convalescing l received a
telegram from the house in New York
and when l got out of the hospital ]
ran in. When showed up at the
store the old man called me into his
Office, remarking very severely:
"Mr. Brown, we haven't heard
from you in the last 10 days except
by draft, but in that way with suffi-
cient frequency. Where have you
been since the first of the month ?"
"In the hospital at Boston, Mr..
Migg," l answered.
"Ah, l suppose you got full, Mr..
Brown, and tried to lick the whole
police force, or attempted to throw a
horse-car off the track, or perhaps,
monkeyed bit with Mr.. Sullivan ?"
"No, sir you haven't struck the
combination. l was laid out in an
attempt to sell a bill to Bier of Bier
& Bretzel."
"See here, Brown" Mr.. Migg re-
marked sorrowfully, 'it's my opinion
that you don't know how to sell
goods. We didn't get pounded in
my day, and although its many years
since l was on the road, / think l
can teach you new men thing or
two"
II intimated that was not above
being taught thing or two or even
three, and would be glad of pointers.
"Now," said my employer, assume
that am you, Mr.. Brown, and you
are buyer, Mr.. Bier, for instance.
Take seat at my desk and I, rep
resenting the drummer, will come in
and sell you a bill"
cam l to understand, Mr.. Migg,
that am to conduct myself in all re-
spects as Mr.. Bier would towards Josh
Brown?"
Certainly, you fool, that is precisely
what / want" he answered irritably.
although I'm not as big a man as
Mr.. Bier is. Mr.. Mig. I'll do nv
best"
II don't see what Bier's size has to
do with it, young man."
ooh, you don't. Well, I'll try to
show you, sir. But, l say, Mr.. Migg,
you won't hold me responsible for the
consequences, will your
whats got into you, Brown, any
how? What the devil do you mean
by consequences There are no con-
sequences. Shut up and take the
chair"
Gall right, Mr.. Migg, I'm ready.
Heave ahead"
"The boss went out and as soon as
the door closed, took off my coat
and vest, rolled up my sleeves to the
shoulder and tied my suspenders
tightly around my waist. Then 1
took the chair just as my employer
knocked.
"Come in" ! sang out, and the
door opened.
"Mr. Bier, presume" remarked
Migg blandly. my name is Brown,
sir, l represent Migg & Miggles Of
New York and my object in calling
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