The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-12-12

night. Probably you would say / am getting
well on in years, but am not yet thirty-six.
There were four partners in our house, and,
when began to prove myself very valuable
| they took me up socially and often asked me to
| their houses The second partner-I won't
mention his name, though. If you want to, you
can find out from the address which will, by
and by, ask you to put that box-had a very
/ beautiful daughter. 1t was somewhat presump-
| tuous In me to think of making her my wife,
but had formed that hope from almost the first
time saw her. / will pass all the details Of
/ my love-making-I suppose when be-
| come philosophc enough to look back at those
things calmly. they all pretty much
alike; but while they are in the course
seem to lack variety or originality Well, at
last, the glad day came when l drew from
Frances an acknowledgment that my affection
was returned. Her people took the announce
ment roughly. They had had higher views for
their daughter, though the father himself was a
| salesman for many years. We were firm, and
in the end we conquered. l don't think there
| was happier man living than was the day
was married, and when daughter came to glad
! den our home, wouldn't have changed places
| with an emperor My trouble was that
my frequent trips kept me so much from
| my darlings. Frances did not prove to have so
many resources in herself as hoped. She com
planned of being dull in my absence, and though
spent more than / ought in trying to make
home attractive, she longed for the gayer society
OF her single days and, to considerable extent
re-entered it. Our child-litte Jane-was GER
talnly not neglected, but still felt somehow that
her mother might have drawn her closer to her.
| never said anything to Frances, though-that
is, not in distinct way She was good wife,
and had sense enough to know that one must
look for little Bit of disenchantment after mar
rage as general rule.
"So affairs went very happily and comfort
ably in the main till Jane was between four and
| FIVE years DID, The child and I were very dear
to each other When l was home she was
| ALWAYS
from her other playfeliows as her best boy
never returned from of my trips without
something to delight and amuse her, and great
| were the wonder and expectancy with which she-
would watch me unpack my latest offering.
/ But one day came, or rather was bought back
empty-handed. l had been taken down with
cold and chill caught in some ill-aired bedroom
| The attack developed into rheumatic fever
For months l lay suffering torrents that l
| thought could not be surpassed. When, at last,
the fever passed away, it left my figure as you
see it now.
DAY and night was tortured by the thoughts
of what our future would be- In the effort to
make our home pleasant had spent far more
! than | ought and my illness had exhausted our
resources, besides running us into debt. That
my career as traveller was ended was only too
| plain, If indeed my entire usefulness a bust
ness man was not thing gone beyond recovery
But my worst trouble was to come My wife
| was attentive, but l missed something of
| tenderness that l could scarcely account
| One day / saw her reflected in a mir
ror when she did not know | could observe
her. She was looking at me, and on her face
was an expression of repulsion. In one moment
felt the bitter burning truth! Her love had
not been strong enough to stand the strain of
my illness, the loss OF my worldly prospects, the
change from my old appearance to my present
| deformity. | turned my face to the wall and
| prayed for death All the physical torments l
had gone through were nothing to the mental
anguish compressed into those few minutes
| Then, at last came consolation in the thought of
my child; only to be succeeded by still more har
! rowing anxiety. Would she, too. turn from met
| knew the quick susceptibility, the hastv impress
| sions of childhood, and dreaded what might be
the effect on her young mind of my distorted
form. With what eagerness, yet with what fear
| waited for her next visit. | longed for the
moment to come, and still | was tempted to de-
! fer it. You, sir, can perhaps enter little into
my feelings. AT last she came, and when saw
pure, unchanged love in the depths of her clear
bright eyes. and heard her whisper, Poor papa
| Use so sorry COS love you so much l thanked
! God that had something still left to live for"
| when | got sufficiently we'll to use my
crutches easily went over to the house. They
were very kind. Of course was no real good
| to them but they made place for me to help
| keep account of stock. could write better then
| than now; my joints have stifened I'D since.
The pay was very small compared with what l
| had been receiving, and it was necessary for me
to find cheaper home and practice strict econ
| omy. Ny wifes father made her small allow
| ance, but he had opposed the marriage, and was
not inclined to be liberal now that it had turned
out as badly as he had prophesied She grew
restless and disconnected under our changed cir
cumstances and cannot wonder at It,
so far my misfortunes had been beyond my
control but there time when my own
miserable weakness increased them. The pains
/ occasionally suffered drove me to seek relief in
stinulants. My head had grown weak and q
very little liquor affected me. L received gentle
warning from the Office, and promised reforma-
ton. But there came moments when my agony
! grew toe great for my resolve. One night when
! | returned home, found my wife had gone, tax
ing Jane with her. A letter was, left informing
me she had returned to her fathers house, that
my dissipation rendered her life uncomfortable,
and that she was about to obtain a separation on
| that ground.
THAT blow was crushing. was weak, i'll,
heart-broken, and had no force to resist. And
even if l had tried, what could have done? /
was too poor to hire able lawyers, and she had
wealth and influence at her command. But to
lose the right the power to see, my child to feel
her tiny, warm arms around my neck to hear
her sweet, lisping words. was awful. Then came
the thought that it was best for her, after ALL
Away from me she would have every comfort
! and enjoyment How little l could give her.
and at any moment that little might be swept
away. So let all go, and made no effort to stay
my wifes course
"They did not keep me long at the house after
my wife left me. suppose it was her fathers
doing. They gave me a small sum, and said they
regretted it was no longer possible to find en-
| ployment for me-
| That was more than two years ago. How l
have managed to live since you know. But they
have not parted me entirely from my child I
have seen Jane many tirnes since, and, thank
| God. she does not forget me- She does not shrink
from me, she still loves me!
| "Her nurse once lived with me, and is CRATE
full for some triaing kindness She contrves
that shall Jane at intervals for few mo-
ments only, and we have to be very careful for
if it was known, she would be discharged. The
last time | saw Jane l asked her what she
| wanted for Christmas and she said "A DOLL
| She always says my presents are the prettiest
| she gets. / to see her tomorrow. and then
she will tell me how she likes that doll. 1t took
me nearly six months to save that money, and
| have often gone hungry and cold to add to it q
bit, but you see, sir, got her the best doll they
| had Of oil