The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-02-25
Wit AND WISDOM.

Flossy-Come, Johnnie, let's play we's married
Johnnie-Nery we'll, Flossle.
Come den, come into dinner. HOW do you
like de dinner. to-day, my dear?
J.-It's good dinner. A very good dinner, in
deed.
amt wuf dam. If couldn't cook better dan
dat would hire myself ont for a shape IN dry
goods store.
SCOTS Emulsion of Pure Cod Liver
Oil with Hypophosphites acts both as
food and medicine. 1t not only gives flesh and
strength by virtue of its own nutritious properties
but creates appetite for food that builds up the
wasted body.
Col. Sumpter Mcbride of Austin Tex, while in
New York on visit read the advertisement Of
fortune teller TO have his horoscope cast. She
cast horoscopes with dirty pack OF cards, winch
she spread out on the table You will marry an
unusually wealthy lady and be very happy.
she said Everything in your past, present and
future is an open book to me-"
81 suppose you know everything about my fu-
mot only about your future, but about your
past and present.
cts wonderful, lncomprehenSlDle. Ooou hoIh-
ing, madam In. ,s -, .,ooso ;, cold
the wizard, holding out her hand.
"Well. that is strange You know everything
about my past, present and future, and you didn't
know left all my money with the clerk OF the
hotel before / started out to nave my fortune
told It's wonderful" remarked the Colonel, as
he passed out.
81 suffered with rheumatic pains for years, I'M
til advised to use Vegetine; that has cured me-"
Little Tommy had behaved so badly on his first
appearance at church that his mother declared
she wouldn't allow nun 70 90 aga daenIy ei eyeS
on being informed that he was to stay at nome.
"Please, mamma, won't you let me go? ne
pleaded "Il be just as good and l won't do a
einpIe thing wrong"
no, Tommy" Was the firm reply you cannot
20 to church again until you are old enough 10 be-
tempest of tears ensued. When the violence
of the shower was over, Tommy looked up pathet-
ssWell do think it's too bad that a little boy
who loves God the way do, and loves to hear
people talk about him, can't go 10 church.
Derangement of the liver, with constipation in
iure the complexion, induces pimples, sallow skin
etc. Remove the cause by using Carriers Little
Liver Pills. One dose.
"Ah," said citizen, "my new house that
moved into two years ago is so banged and pat
tered that / scarcely know it. You see, had al
ways been a tenant before built, and my family
got so used to knocking things around, slammng
and scratching and brulslng that the ola haDlt
stuck to them. If ever get another new house
I'll begin it with a new family"
Esysipelas and Salt Rheum was driven entirely
away from Mrs. j. c. Anderson, Peshtigo, Wis,
by Burdock Blood Bitters No equal as blood
Purifier
Charles, is it true that all brokers are dlsslpat
ed and do they bet andllve on S6lmlllantS? askeu
a stock brokers' wife OF her husband.
s'Well, not all OF them guess; but the lie OIL a
broker is rather quick, = was the reply.
"And do they die suddenly at about the age OF
forty?n she continued.
s'The paper stated so the other day. replied
the broker. Who thinking that his wife might
swoon at the idea of his being suddenly snatched
from her assured her that he was perfectly neal
ness: but Charlie, you are thirtyseven, and don't
you think you had better Increase your insurance
pohcy 10 twenty-five 'iou'''i'''' u'''i
-.
The Louisville LADIES' VINO are relnS'iAaVie ioi
Iany lou
-. 80 -
II is sometimes sa t1t tlle teIil mois5 pom NIL
al power Of an average, or even an exceptional,
Horse rms Tealy MAKES ~ ,4d ~ Az
VIZ The raising OF 33, 600 pounds one foot high in
one minute of time A horse would Iall tar SNORT
OF dong ts tUr ,sii fa,, bo,,rs "s