Morning journal and courier., 1886-04-05
WRECK

 There are some men who have s'schooners' 1 running into them every day and yet are moi wrecks. This shows that the human frame is tougher than big iron steamship.-Al Sorts.
 The goblet out which the Duke of Marl- borough drank the night before the battle of Malplaquet was preserved, and has just been sold in Paris. Evidently the owners of the goblet dld not keep hired gir1.-Norristown Herald.
 Father-in-law-''Perha sir, you think I'm going to support you for the rest of youl natural life" Son in -law-'tWelI, I don't know why you~s shoaldn't. I took your daughter off your hands. ."-Tid-Bits. The question answered: t'Do you know what time it isf' asked a passenger on the elevated road of 8 stranger at his side. 'tYes,'' replied the other after glancing at his watch. And he resumed his paper-Tid- Bits.
 Angelina: "Didn't yeu promise me, Edwin, when you went out, that you'd certainly be home by oner' Edwin: ''Yezh, my dear, yeah; and here I am jezh to the moment. {" Angelina: "Just to the moment, indeedl Do you know what time it is now?' Edwin: 'Jezh one, my dear, jezh one; jezh heard it strike one over and over again. ."-Life.
 Forbes has boy and girl, aged and g respectively, and has romped and played
 
 wished they were brothers, 50 as to be al ways together, but the other day the girl climbed into his lap and said: "Papa, love you; and tell you what, if I'd been big enough I'd had ou."-Lynn Bee.
 Some years ago we had an absent-minded wife who lost brass safety pin. She could not remember whether she had swallowed it or inadvertently stuck it in the small of her back. Three years afterward she complained of an acute pain in her right arm. Two days after applying fly blister she found the safety pin in the tray of an old trunk in the attic.-Detroit Tribune.
 'Are you customs oficera' "Yes, sir D "Well I had little package sent over to me by the steamer Oregon-just little, valueless package, not worth more than $10. Has it come in yeta' ''Why, man, haven t you heard that the Oregon was sunk?'' stNo; was she? By George! 1 must go right up and put in bill for that package. There were $12, ,000 worth of diamonds in it"- Chicago News.
 A teacher requested pupil to parse the following sentence: "She played on the piano" The pupil began thusly: Sheep number-'' ''Hold on," cried the teacher. ''Who said anything about sheep. She played on the piano., was the sentence" "Oh, I thought it was sheep laid on the piano. and l wondered what the mutton heads wanted to lay sheep there or."-Dan- vile breeze.
 The following story comes from school in the Midlands. The master told the boys of the third class to write short essay on Col umbus. The following was sent up by an ambitious sssayist: Columbus was man who could make an egg stand on end with out breaking it. The King of Spain said to Clumbus::: Can you discover Americap Yes said Clumbus, if you will give nae & ship So he had ship and sailed over the sea in the direction in which he thought America ought to be found. The sailors quarreled and said they believed there was no such place. But after many days the pilot came to him and said, Columbus, I see land.' Then that is America, said Columbus. When the ship got near, the land was full of black men. Columbus said. 'Is this Americaa' Yes, it is, said they. Then he said, T suppose you are the Niggers? 'Yes,' they said; i've are The chief said, T suppose you are Columbus. , You are right said he. Then the chief turned to his men and said, There is no help for it; we are discovered at last. .'"- London Standard.