Smyrna times., 1886-10-27
WHOLE NO. 1851.
Pebbles.
Bismarck's big toe is swollen so badly
that he isn't able to gout.

Bismarck's big toe is swollen so badly
that he isn't able to gout.
1t is an open question whether Jonah
was the first secretary of the navy, or
interior.
When man buys a porous plaster,
whether he likes it or not, he generally
sticks to his bargain.
You cannot expect a girl of the
period to stand fire because she is ac-
customed to face powder.
An exchange says salt is a remarka-
bier remedial agent. So it is, indeed.
1t has been known to cure even a ham.
Mamma; frankie, are you eating
those green apples again ?" Frankie:
No, mamma: Pm eating some
Others"
There is one consolation for the Char
lesion sufferers: they do not have to
listen to all the entertainments that are
given for their relief.
Inebriated party: 81 shay, mister,
how fur is it to Canal street?n Citizen
Twenty--minutes walk" Eae6riated
party: For you or (hic) fo' meP"
On first glimpse at the sea. CAS-
tOnishing! Who would have thought
there could be as much water as that ?"
True; and remember you only see
what's on top"
-Four of the prettiest girls of Gale
donia, Mich, were caught stealing wa
termelons by moonlight. 1t is we'll it
was watermelons; the girls would not
like to have it said that they cantaloupe
by moonlight.
Spriggs: "How much older is your
sister than you, Johnny ?" Johnnu: 81
dunno. Maud uster be twenty-five
years, then she was twenty, and now
she amt only eighteen. l guess we'll
soon be twins"
Magistrate: "Is it a furriner yez
areP" Prisoner: Isl, Signor; me from
Italia; me sella fresh rOased peanut"
Magistrate: "Oi thought yez were a
furriner. Oi kin always tell furriner
by his accint."
A train was delayed for an hour in
Troy, n. Y, recently, and a drummer
remarked to the conductor: This is a
sort of twelve ounces to the pound af-
fair; amt ?" How's that ~ Troy
wait, you know"
Clerk Ito employer: "My wife is
dead, sir, and 1 would like a couple of
days off" Employer: 1.-TWO days?
Why, when my wife died, a year ago,
only took half a day off," Clerk +:
Yes out there is a difference in-in
wives"
An Indirect Reproof- Scene: a horse
car all the seats and straps of which are
taken by men. Gallant Mr.. Smith ::
Twill some gentleman be kind enough
to give this lady strap?" standing
parties highly pleased, sitting parties
displeased
He: Tell me, my sweet, are you
superstitious?" She: What funny
question! Why do you want to knOwP"
He: ANSWER me first" She: WHY,
| am not in the least superstitiOus. !"
He: "Then l don't mind telling you
you are my thirteenth sweetheart"
Russian General: Here, lieutenant,
take this dispatch to General Ohcome-
of, at Moscow, and see that you get
back by four o'clock this afternoon" D."
Lieutenant "But, general, it is fifty
miles to Moscow" Russian General
Nonsense; it's only a few steppes." "
This is the latest witticism with
which w. S. Gilbert is credited. at
is easy enough for bishops to be good
on a salary of $4,000 a year." said the
satirical dramatist, looking round on a
select circle of literary friends, but
we have to be good for nOthing"-a
pause-"and some of us are"
My SON." said the father of con-
vlcted bigamist, ''you have brought de-
graduation enough upon me, without
this final blow to the family name"
q was only following your advice,
father, answered the prisoner. You
told me the last time got into trouble
to take brace'-and l took them"
How is it none of my contributions
are ever used ?" asked a wOuld-be con-
tributor of an editor. "You must be
mistaken. Do you write on one side
of the paper only?" Certainly"
Then IT'S all right. We write our
editorials on the blank side. Never be
afraid of your contributions not being
used"
Scene I.--Arabella Ito new maid)
"NOw, remember, Bridget, if Mr..
Brown calls, say Pm not at home; but,
if Mr.. Smith comes, take him right into
the reception room, and say I'll be
down in a moment" Scene II.-CdlIer
4" All is Miss Arabella De Wolf at
homer" Bridget (meditatively)
: "Sure she give me very particular
orders. She says if Mr.. Brown calls
say Pm not at home; but, if Mr.. Smith
comes. take him right in and I'll be
right down. Now which one are you
sir ?"