Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1886-07-16
Bill Nye on Butter.


Butter is the mature fruit of q
full blown COW. It is the greatest
effort Of her life. The COW tolls
not, neither does she spin; yet |
say unto you that Solomon, in all
his glory, could not beat her on
handmade, or rather milk maid
butter. This subtle joke I have
repaired and newly upholstered
for use during the winter.
Butter comes from the cow in q
liquid state. It is quite trick TO
win her confidence 80 that she will
yield it up to a total stranger. !
once sought to WOO the lacteal
fluid from the milk retort OF q
large, speckled cow to whom | was
a comparative stranger. She
wasn't one of those blooded cows
that look as though they had been
cut out of sheet of paper with a
pair of scissors. She was low
COW, with coarse instincts, born in
obscurity.
Her brow was low, but she wore
her tail high, and she was naughty
oh, SO naughty! The young
man who had hitherto acquired
the milk from this COW desired
one evening to HE him away to q
neighboring village, where he
might trip the light fantastic toe
till the "wee sma hours ayont the
twa." Quotation from a poet who
was a poor speller.) He wanted
me to milk his large, speckled
plebeian COW, and / said I would.
The movement was certainly ILL
advised. / undertook to do as [
agreed, but failed. From the mo-
ment I entered her stall, and made
a commonplace remark to her, [
knew our acquaintance would not
lead to warm attachment. Some
how, 1 felt constrained and uneasy
in her society from the moment
we met until loving friends pulled
me out through the stable window,
and brought me back to conscious
ness. [ shall never undertake to
milk strange COW again until the
sign is right. So far the sign has
not been right.
I might be sent on a Polar ex-
dition, and get stranded on an ice
berg, with no other alternative
than to milk COW, or eat an old
friend; but I should hate to tackle
the cow, unless the friend was a
very old friend, indeed.
Butter is produced by expunging
the juice from rare and costly
chemical known as cream. Cream
is the bead of the milk. Milk is
known as dry and extra dry. A
good milkman will always ask you
whether you want your milk wet
or otherwise.
An old welbdigger named Grady
told me about going over into
Southern Indiana at one time to
dig we'll for a man named With
um. Withum was said to be very
close. He was the most contingu-
Gus man in Indiana. His wife
used to skim the milk on one side,
and then turn it over and skim the
bubbles off. It was constant
struggle between Withum and his
wife to see which would be the
meaner.
The first day that Grady was
there, they had a round Tall of but
ter, about as big as lemon, and
as hard as Pharaoh's heart. The
butter-knife had a handle that
would turn every time any one
tried to get lick at the butter
and the little round ball would flop
over on the other side and smile,
Now and then hired man would
reach over his own knife and make
a slash at it, but the butter conf.
dent of its own strength, would
tip over with a dull thud, and the
man would heave a sigh and give
it up. Then another farmland
would make wild dash at it, but
burst into tears and quit. Finally
Grady, who had watched this per.
formance several Gays, jabbed his
fork down through the middle oi
the yellow chunk, and successful.
ly cut it in two. In the center wa.
small, solid, wooden tap.
There" said Grady, "Ivt
found out what the blamed thing i:
wound on, anyhow"
mon oDDl1ad to fba ,,ro,>r;afo,