The Irish standard., 1886-10-16
.'a''STANDARD'' BREVITIES.

IN lSaS43 ~
STANDARD" BREVITIES.
The young gentleman who few into
passion has had his wings clipped.
The following words, if spelt backward
or forward, are the same: stName no one
man.
.'Those vino use our goods are very
much attached TO them, y is what a porous
plaster company advertises.
ssWhat q beautiful form!' exclaimed
Miss Titelace the first time she saw
an eel: sssuch long, thin waist, you
know
"A new gas meter just invented ia called
the .sGeorge Washington. This is re-
fined satire boiled down ana strained
through silk.
At cheap country boarding-house:-
.sYou never get fresh butter in the city,
do you?"
s.Well, no; but it's never quite as old
as this''
'sWhy are you going into that dry
goods shop when there are SO many
pretty girls on the street?'
ssMy dear boy, I find counter attrac-
tions IN there
.sHurry up, Toni There goes the
dinner bell,'' said one boarder to an
other ..-
ssrhey ought to call it the chestnut
bell in this house. It always rings Tor
the same old thing~-hash. y
s'rrhis miserable editor! l sent him
poem Of ten stanzas, saying that the last
four stanzas might be omitted without
inluring the sense. He returns it With
the remark. so may the first six ~
t'What makes that girl walk funny?"
inquired De Smythe of Browne. S'ls she
intoxicated?'
':Oh, no; she's not Intoxicated, y SAID
Browne, ssit's only her shoes that are
tight.'
They csl Il man in Congress
a Rebel ora Iank,
{mposter. upstart, vandal,
a hcgGar or q crank!
They slip these extras in
AS a. sort Of mild DEPRESSION,
And apologize next day
For tilt, warmth Of their expression
Now is the time when the hunter takes
his way to the grove and the meadow
and spends day in seeking game and
is made game Of himself by his wife
when he returns at night with spnrrow
and crow blackbira as the result OF his
prowess. But he has lots OF fun never
theless.
T. certain witty clergyman was ex-
txenely apt at checking those who were
fond Of caviling at the meaning OF differ
ent texts Of Scripture. On being asked
one day what was to be understood by
the expression, "He clothed himself with
curses as with garnlent.' 'FThe clear
est thing in the world, I" replied the doc
tor. s'the man had habit Of swearing.
A little girl of three years noticing the
lightning for The first time, came rushing
10 her mamma crying, "Oh, mammal did
you see the sun flying by?''
The same little girl asked for some
plums for luncheon; on being told there
were none, she stopped q moment, then
said: "Oh! yes there are, for the plumb
eys were here yesterday"
A costly error:-<'Do you hire college
dudes to wait on the table at this house?'
asked an elderly gentleman as he step
ped up to the desk Of one Of our summer
hotels. ssWell, yes, we do, but I'm
afraid you're little too aged to come
uuaer that head'' The clerk saw he had
made mistake when he glanced at the
afternoon paper and saw that the Hon.
Josiah Jumper and seven daughters reg
istered at the rival hotel.
"Gracious, Mr.. Dusenberry! What
Was that noise in the next room?'
'sMrs. Browns baby fell out of bed, I
suspect. It's lucky thing If it did. y
"Why so?"
'sIt's a popular superstition, you know,
that if baby tumbles out Of bed it will
never turn out fool. +"
Mrs. Dusenberry (after painful
pause), tsdo you know what think?"
What my dear?'
''rhat it's great pity you didn't fall
out of bed when you were baby"
Jones-Ha! old fellow, how ale you?
Just heard that you had gone into the