The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1886-02-13
THRICE-TOLD TALES,
Legends, Ghost Stories, Exaggera-
tiOns, Jokes and J0kers;
THE FUN, WIT AND HUMOR

HE rum VIII AVID n OMOnt
The DOings and Sayings NInr.
velosss and Incredible I'm
the History of Nor.
gantown.
From a paper by Joseph Moreland, Esq. in tn.
forthcoming Centennial History. Published in ad
vance by permission Of the author.l
Continued.
LAWYERS. ~.
After speaking of courts and Jus.
tees of the Peace, we come naturally
to speak of the lawyers.
Mr.. c. was, in his time. a
prominent lawyer of Morgantown
and while q man of education and
refined manners, he was somewhat
addicted to the use of ''cuss- words. y
He was of generous disposition but
had quick temper, which contribu-
ted still more to excite the merri-
ment of even his best friends. Mr..
G. was transformations in dress
and appearance though man OF
wealth. He seldom carried money
about his person, and it is said that
it wasshis habit to purchase articles
at the market or on the street, carry
them home and then return with the
money and pay for them. 1t is re-
lated that Mr.. c. once purchased
from a countryman, on the street,
two fine dressed fowls, and taking
one in each hand was about to carry
them to his home under promise OF
returning with the price. The prac-
tical joker was around about that
time and whispered to the country
man that possibly he did not know
his customer; that if he were allow
ed to carry away such valuable prop
erty he would certainly not return.
The vendor of produce was alarmed
at once and unceremoniously bawled +:
"Say! you man, bring those turkeys
back and leave them until you pay
for them This would have riled
the temper of any good natured per-
son, but it was beyond the endurance
of the irascible Mr.. C.. With all
his might and main he threw the
fowls upon the pavement and ex-
claimed as he walked away: damn
your turkeys, / don't want them at
ALL" While Mr.. c. was of quick
temper he. was kind, warm hearted
and genial. When rap was sound
cd upon his office door it was an
swered with an absent-minded "come
in" Another louder rap was an
swered with passionate oh it,
come in and don't knock the door
down." But when the embarrassed
visitor stood upon his threshold, his
genial friendship and good humor
soon relieved the visitors embarrass-
ment and caused him to forget that
there was anything uncivil in the
invitation to come in. When an es-
teemed friend and relative about to
leave his hospitable mansion had
tethered his beast to the balustrade
of the porch, and by dint of pure
awkwardness had well nigh demol-
ished it, less passionate temper
than Mr.. G-'s might be excused
for expressing the wish that he
should not have his house pulled
down over his head. But when his
guest, in stammering apology, de-
clared his act the extreme of awk-
wardness and in the same breath
said his good bye, the response was
characteristic of the man, "Yes, yes.
1t was id awkward; good bye,
good bye"
1t is sometimes as humorous to
observe person without temper
as it is to notice one. that is irrita-
BILE. Capt. F. was man of even
temper. He was proprietor of a
Morgantown hotel and was deserv-
eddy popular. In conversation with
a qnarrelsome and abusive customer
he was told in the most offensive
and insulting manner Imaginable
that he was a liar and scoundrel.
To which he blandly replied, "Why,
no, I amt at ALL
The following is also related of an
early lawyer of Morgantown. and an
early coal dealer:
Lawyer r had engaged his
winters coal Of coal dealer D.
Now D. had been frequently
charged with sundry foibles of
false dealings, but as no overt act
could be brought against him he
again and again escaped. His wag-
on bed was often believed to be in
sufficient to contain the mighty loads
for which he charged, but proof of
the shortage could not be found,
T had engaged large winters
supply and was careful to note down
each days delivery until the last
load under the contract was driven
into his coal yard And he observed
that from the first there was dimi-
mutton in the size of the loads, each
subsequent load getting smaller.
When the last load halted in front
of the coal house the lawyer care
fully inspected it, and then enquired
of D. if this load WAS not smaller
than the others? D replied no,
that it was full load and was as
large as the others. swell, WE'LL"
said t. 1--WE will measure it,, and
turning to his trusty servant babe
him bring the measure and to the
great CONSERVATION of D. they
proceeded to measure the whole load,
and it was taken as a standard by
which to estimate the others, where
by r gained, and D lost
large quantity of coal. This incl