The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-09-15
UMBRELLA FIENDS.
iDlosyNeRAslEs or wElL KNOWN
NutsANcEs. ..5 ~


ious and Dangerous ''Jabbcr''-swell,
Granger npd Fat Man. ..-'> ~.
A man often shows his character by the
way he carries bis umbrella 1.-The Is absent
minded he will lug it by the top Of the handle,
careless Of whether it Is folded or Tapping,
and Indifferent II it trails behind him upon
the pavement He may be bustling, hurry :,
ing, in high spirits, and If SO he frequently
twirls his umbrella In circles from the wrist
as he spins down the street. If he Is fat he :,
uses bis umbrella as cane or parasol; II he !.
Is clergyman he carries 1t Imply before
him; II be l. angry he grabs it by the handle
as If 1t were a club; and II he Is a dude he
boxes the fcrrle III front Of hin, ,ahh
strikes the pavement, and as he passes on
twitches it forward again. -..r--..,-
One Of the most familiar Of the umbrella
carrying species is the "jabber" or 'slloyer."
He lugs his parachute under his arm, with
the ferule straight out behind and the handle
rigid in front. He pokes of more hats, I'M.
dents more stomachs, gouges more ribs and :.
jabs moro spines as he walks along than one
could shake stick at in week. He never,
stops to sec who he has punched. Not he.
With his lips compressed as tightly as the lid
of an iron chest, he goes on, frowning, bump
Ing into passers-by, and with an air that
seems to say: "If you don't get out OF the
way you'll be hurt" He is generally old and
thin, but sometimes he has not reached mid
die age The'public abhors him; and he Is a
nuisance that ko-Ko most inexcusably
omitted from his famous list.
THE MILITARY SWELL s
The heavy military swell IS another inter
esting umbrella carrier. His chest sticks out
like a pouter pigeons, his new plug hat
glstens like Day & Martins backing. His
paIltaloons arc the newest, his frock coat tie
tightest, his mustache the .~aSiest ands his
glare the most ferccious seen. on, .tHs prone
made. He carries the umbrella by his side O..
good deal as II It were a swords sticking
closely to his portly figure. It Is q soidicriy.
act. Even his traducers couldn't deny. that
Behold him, with his dandy, parasol at ,an, :.
anglo Of forty-five degrees, close to his rib,
as he strides along in true military step, the.
admiration and envy Of every helmeted
policeman on the beat and the butt for
vulgar jokes from every barefooted passing
newsboy. ~ -. r',."-.' =.
Then there is the countryman from wny :.
back, who lugs his venerable nditribltor
with him when he goes over to Ridgeway
park. See him ON the boat! His back Is
toward US, and bis ancient, faded, blue para
chute is outlined beside him. He carries ID
like q hoe, and hoe that he doesn't care much
about. Its creascs are worn by weather, Its
handle was painted, but the paint has worn
of. He is al emblem Of the haysced re-
gions, and so Is his parasol, which be ciingstd
with grip like the grip Of destiny. he may
not lug his umbrella with much grace, but
when he gets to Ridgeway park 1t will DO
there with him; and, no matter how many
times he saves his life" with the island beer,
he will hang on to his rain protector, and go
back with it to his home among the corn
patches and wheat fields ...r d..
THE VERY FAT Man:
It Is rare thing for the very fat man to
nso his umbrella exceptas q paras0L 1t warls
off the SUMS scdrchins summer rays from his !.
round and perspiring countenance. With his ,
pudgy hand lie grasps the handle and carries
tho parachute over his crown, while his sum :
mer vest flaps to and fro, and the entire area .
of his person is coursed by little rills that run
into his shoes He enjoys his umbrella NOR.
than most people. As general thing his
mouth is open, his brow Is moist, bis feet
come down on the trembling earth like
piledrivers as he moves on with ma jcstic step,
and his manner Of breathing resembles TINT
of the porpoise when that fish comes to tho
top of tho briny pillows to blow. -.
The Norfolk -jacketed young man from the .
cities, who carries his umbrella with: h6 Oh
the seashore, is q noticeable specimen OF ths
genus of umbrella carriers. The rim Of his
straw hat is as stiff as the bow Of q rich man :.
to poor relation, and his attire Is faultless, :.
for Is he not @gilded" youth! His black silk
umbrella is wrapped 50 small and 50 tightly
that it looks Ike q Cambridge walking stick
He carries it daintily and negligently in front :.
of him, as he saunters by the sad sea waves.
watching the wisching gambols Of themaidens
In the surf He is harmless; so Is bis paEa: $
chute Neither Of them are intended for use,
and both make a combination that doesn't
look at nll out Of place OIL the golden sands Of.
The sounding shore, when August's sun scars
ambitiously. Philadelphia News.