Morning journal and courier., 1886-01-20
LAUG HING GAS.

A Michigan dentist advertises s'Laf6n Gas, Ten 1O) cents Ha Ha!'
 Entering the asylum for inebriates, he asked: "Do you treat drunkards here?" ''Yes, sir. "Well, I'm one Where's yer bar?"-Chicago News.
 A New York farmer sold his wife to his hired man for S2 50. The way that some farmers swindle their hired help is scandal ous.-Ns wman Independent.
 'Next door," said dapper clerk in an AL bany furnishing shop to fat-necked stone cutter who asked for a nineteen-inch collar The fat-necked man backed out of the next door in a hurry when he found that it was a harness shop.
 The organ grinder, accompanied by the in evitable monkey, was performing to the de- light of the children A father asked his son of five years how he liked the music. q like it very much," he replied, "but I pity the mans little brother:"-Puck
 little fellow of four years went to a blacksmith's to see his fathers horse shod, and watching closely the work of the shoeing The blacksmith began to pare the horses hoof, and thinking this was wrong, the little boy said earnestly: My pa don't want his horse made any smaller"
 Blaire felt as if the ground were giving way beneath her feet and her heart seemed to swell as if to choke her-Newspaper GASNiN'SAA oiA banana skin. When she strikes the sidewalk her head will probably swell as big as her heart.-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
 Elossy-'tCome, Johnnie, let's play we's Flossy-sCome, den, come in to dinner How do you like de dinner to-day, my dears' Johnnie-ssI ssIt is good dinner; very good dinner, indeed" Flossy-"Oh, yeu mustn't say dat. You must say it ain't wuf damn. If I couldn't cook better dan dat I would hire myself out for shape in a dry goods store. ."-Boston Courier.
 ''Prof." Dole, of Binghamton, N. Y, re- gently "broke the worlds record" b. swing ing Indian clubs four hours and fifty minutes. young man ill this town swung Indian clubs in his mothers parlor @ few days ago, and although he didn't break the worlds record, he broke nearly everything else in the room, including the chandelier, mantej ornaments. two plaques, statuette of Min erva, his own head, and one of the com mandments. If the worlds record had been within reach of his clubs, he would have broken that too.-Norristown Herald.
 A Lawyer Baffied-Jim McSnifter was be- ing tried in San Antonio for trying to bribe a colored witness, Sam Johnsiny, to testify falsely. ''You say this defendant offered you a bribe of fifty dollars to testify in his sing. "Yes, sah" "Now repeat precisely what he said, using his own words" He said he would git me fifty dollars if T." ''He can't have used those words. He didn't speak as third person." ''No, sah; he tuck good keer dat dar was no third pusson present. Oar was only us two. Defendant am too smart ter ha5 anybody listenin' when he am talking about his own reskelity" ''I know that we'll enough, but he spoke to you in the first per son, didn't he?'' T was the fust pusson my self" ''You don't understand me. When he was talking to you did he the words, T will pay you fifty dollarss D ''No, boss he didn't say muffin about you payin' me fifty dol lars. Tore name wasn't mentioned, 'ceptin' dat he tole me eff eber I got into scrape dat you was de best lawyer in San Antone to fool dc judge and jury" ''You can step down." Texas Siftings.