The semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1882-1886, 1886-02-24
ARTEMUS WARD,
Hitherto Unpublished Anecdotes of the
Famous HumOrtst.

The encyclopedias has been led into a
slight error in it's statement that Artemus
Ward-honest Indian, Charles F. Browne
first won his way to fame as a reporter
upon Cincinnati journal. The honor be-
longs to d Cleveland paper-the Plain
DeaIer-which at that period referred to
was under the guidance OF the late Joseph
w. Gray, himself one of the most piquant
editorial writer's of his time. At that
period the innovation by which the work
of reporters is made to pass the eagle eye
of the responsible editor had not come in
vogue, as the subject OF this sketch early
made the intimate acquaintance OF all the
bloods and wits of the town, the holding OF
high carnival in the Plain Dealer columns
seemed mere child's play, yet he worked
faithfully dashing off as if without effort,
gems OF wit and sentiment
Fresher than berries ofmountain tree
The first letter of the Snowman was we'll
calculated to deceive any one not to the
mannor born. He refers with an air OF
pride to his cuss Of q kangaroo, and his
harmless ''snaix," and bespeaks Il ''notis, F."
scientific like, fattering, but not piled on
too thick, and says he will make it all right.
not only remembering the editors and their
wives in the way OF free passes, but also
patronizing the office in the way OF printing
hand-bills. He stated to the writer that
when he dashed off this screed he had not
the remotest idea OF writing a second under
the same pseudonym, but it seems he had
struck too rich a mine to abandon.
Very naturally, in his professional rounds
he made himself nome with his c-devant
brethren OF the press. Upon one occasion
he extended a pressing invitation to the
staff Of the old advertiser to seek the grace
full solace OF lemonade, Which was to be
obtained in Birminham's Saloon. on the
ground floor of the same building ION
Jefferson Avenue.) All acquiesced save
one, who was none other than James H.
Stone, whose lot had been but recently
cast among the types and shadows. Some
one whispered:
ut is no use to urge him; he has prom
ised he would never 60 into a saloon
Charley, as he prepared to descend the
first step OF the stairway, looked back
over his shoulder and remarked in a SOL
emn tone:
"Well, it is really sad to see a young man
start out in life in that way"
His style OF mock gravity, SO well remem-
bered as a feature OF his lectures, was car
ried out to perfection in his numberless
Jokes, the exquisiteness of the stimulation
being almost calculated to deceive the very
elect. As the writer was once sauntering
with him along one OF our principal ave-
nues, man propelling swil-cart was en-
up to him and extending his gloved hand
to within half an inch OF the contents OF the
cart, Charley inquired:
what are the peculiar properties of this
very attractive conglomeratiOn, and what
may be the uses to which it is devoted ?"
The man replied that it was his own
properly" and was intended for use in
feeding swine.
"Oh, that is perfectly legitimate" re-
turned the questioner. "Inasmuch as it
seems necessary to save your bacon; but
have you always due regard to the nature
OF the various constituent elements, and do
you attend with sedulous care to providing
just proportions OF albumen and other
manifestly desirable properties?"
The proprietor Of the vehicle seemed
dazed and did not volunteer response.
above all things" continued the show
man, Gin portioning out food for your
swine, avoid pastry as you would Il deadly
poison. This advice is proffered upon the
most eminent authority"
The man seemed to see some point to
this, vouchsafing q kind ofsemi-apprecia
tive smile.
May ask, dear sir, what is your ma
What country can boast OF
sending you to this asylum for the down
trodden and oppressed"
He was Polander.
To this information there was Il most en-
thusiastic response.
Let me grasp our hand! Proud 1 am
to greet Pilgrim from the land OF Ponia-
towski, the Pulaskis. the kosciuskos. May
that noble land yet rise in her majesty and
place her feet upon the neck OF the minions
Of tyranny by whom she has been so long
and may your swine thrive and
flourish beneath the shadow OF the tree OF
liberty. Adieu!'
This episode could not have been enacted
or the benefit of the two by whom alone it |
vas heard The chief actor was simply !
obeying an irresistible impulse.
Noble and lovablc as he was drOll and
vitty-we ne'er shall look upon his like
again