Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-12-18
HUMOR,

GIVE your thanks! To express them
is expensive.
TIE pummellogical is the most fruit
ful OF professions.
Who is the burglars best friend? p
His faithful Jimmy.
IT is wrong 70 speak of respect
able" embezzler as IL good man gone
wrong" lie is a bad man found out
F'tt5Jangh Chronicle Telegraph.
LADY Ito servant whom she is about
to engage)-These ore my conditions;
do they suit your Servant-H'm, I'll
see. 1 always take ladies on trial.
WITH flowers and fruits
And smiling skies
Mosquitoes come
And also flies.
- Boston Courier
No, MY son, they are not called grass
widows because they are SO green; it's
because they are so fresh. and then,
beside, she's net exactly IN the moved.
Savvy, son ?-Btrdcte.
TOBACCO blindness is said to be on
the increase, still we have never found
any friend of ours to be afflicted with
it when we have incautiously left a
choice cigar exposed in our vest pocket.
-IerdS 'StJti1ags.
"DoCToE," said patient, 81 suffer
great deal with my eyes" The old
gentleman adjusted his spectacles, and
replied: 81 don't doubt it, my friend;
but then You ought not to forget that
you would suffer great deal more
without them"
HE plaster form of g imam on his
hands and knees has been nodded in
the ashes in Pompeii 1t is supposed
that when the calamity overlook NE
city the man was on his hands and knees
looking for collar button under the
dressing table.
"THEsE are extravaganza days we live
In" said Mrs. Crimsonbeak to her
husband, after they had been APP
preached by their sou for fresh lin
ing for his pocket-book. "Yes, and
that probably accounts for their getting
shorter, you know" replied the ever
jocular man.-IOnkers Statesman.
"THEY's going to be something the
matter with my big brother jim next
week" said 6-year-old child to her
teacher. Indeed" said the teacher,
what Is going to be the matter with
Jim?" Hes going to get married :;
that's what's going to all him." was
the surprising reply.-DetsoN Free
Press.
AN Austin poet entered the sanctun4
of the Crosby County clarion ami
Farmers Jindicator and said to the
editor, Col. Snort: "Here is a little
gem I've just dashed Oft Read it and
give me your candid opinion about ii. :"
Col. Snort took the gem, and aft I
reading it over said: at is a very deli
cate matter for me to give an opinion.
You see, if | say it is no good, you viii
not believe it; and if l say it is gool,
I'll not believe it myself The best
way for me to do is not to express any
opinion at all. 1 don't care to commit
myself. "-Teras SUtjngs.
A FEMININE soL1LoQUY,
Why is the world 50 fair to-day?
Why do l feel SO blithe and gay,
As through the throng pick my wayp
I've got u new spring suit!
See how tho other women stare
AS go by with jaunty air:
Just hear them whisper: i declare,
She's got a new spring 5uil!'
zee now the men, as they pass by,
Look at me with admiring eye
To-day all rivals | defy
In my Drand-neW spring suit
Why is my husband 9 face SO glu1uP
III tell you Why-but keep it Intul
He's thinking that next week wilt como
Tho bill for my new spring suit.
Well, ] must 60 Good by! Oh say,
If you see Mollie West to-day,
Just tell her, i'll "a 1let way
I've got new spring suit.
-Somerris'e Journal
"VAsuIEvITcH," said the Gar of
Russia to servant the other morning,
have you looked under the carpet for
nitro-glycerine and examined the hair
brush for dynamite bombs, and tested
the coffee for strychnine, and made the
cook eat part of the rolls, and looked
down cellar for barrels of gunpowder
and sent orders for all the suspicious
persons arrested around the palace
last night to be hurg?" Yes, most
| noble sire" answered the attendant
Chen help me on With my woven
steel-link ulster and call the platoon
OF police to escort NE across the hail
to the diniDg-room. There is not much
enjoyment in this kind OF a life. but /
thank heaven every day now that
don't live in Chicago. "-EHelLne Bell