The Irish standard., 1886-06-19
'SSTANDARDo BREVITIES.

SIANUARUv BREVlIlES.
Now is the farmers soul serene,
His joy intense and utter;
The tax on oleomargarne
Means higher price for butter.
Truth is mighty, but SO is old cheese.
Many an old riot was melted by old
rye.
A good place for loaf-a bakers
shop
Ticdoloureux is disease peculiar to
watchmakers
A man who always cuts an acquain-
tance-The barber.
A man, like watch, should be
judged by his good works.
Mud with the water squeezed out"
was Minneapolis small boys definition
Of dust.
A man at San Rafael, Cal, has dis
proved a proyerb by literally making a
whistle out OF pigs tail.
We've just counted up shat we have
saved several hundred dollars by smok-
ing a pipe instead Of cigars; but where
is it?
*'Charming little pink-tipped, she'll
Like ears you have, Miss Trotty. Did
never have them pierced?'' "No, but I
have had them bored''
A tenor attempted to whip the editor
Of dramatic paper for sharp criti-
cism, but became convinced before he
got through that he had no ear for mu'
sic. The editor had both of them.
Paul (who is permitted to ask the
blessing)-"God bless aunty and the
girls aud me, too, and bless all that is
on this table, except the cookies, which
are not very good"
A private coachnlan cannot be blamed
for marrying an heiress for her money;
but when man in society stoops SO low
as to do such thing he should be
kicked.
The Women's Association OF decora-
tive Art announces that 'the annual
sale Of the ladies of the association will
take place next Thursday'' This is
xough on the ladies.
Let Salisbury and Harrington
Enjoy their brief delusion;
Home Rulefor Ireland will be won
Despite their bastard fusion.
Ice two inches thick will support
man. No wonder then that ice dealers,
who store their houses with ice from ten
to twenty inches through can live in
luxury.
IT is claimed for Mr.. Jim Hill Of War
rem county, Fa., that he has been struck
by lightning three times, drowned
twice and shot thrice, and still lives, a
very lively fellow
An Indifferent lover excused himself
from marrying his fancee on account Of
swami of time" When he was sum-
moned at breach of promise suit he
WAS obliged to find time.
Judging from the newspaper portraits
OF the anarchists, which probably Aatter
the originals, these outlaws could find
employment in dime museums rs 'fwild
men from Borneo.' No makeup is ne
cessary.
A speaker at public meeting lately
said that the motto, "Be kind to your
mother took deep hold on his boyish
mind, because it was inscribed on the
butt end Of 9 horsewhip which always
hung opposite his bed.
John Bull in the morning takes soda and brandy
And rich ''arf an arf'' for nooner;
But the festive Canadian
And blue-nosed Acadian-
They take the American schooner. 4
The Boston Transcript calls Miss
Mollie Anderson, as 'sThe Lady OF
Lyons a banquet Of beauty. 1t is just
us easy for It young woman to be a BAN .
luet Of beauty as bouquet of beauty,
in the haeds Of type-setter
Young wifel.Mr. Poisson, I wish
some nice s,nelts for dinner to-day"
Mr.. Poisson eyes, madam; how
many ?" Young Wife-"One will be
plenty, for only last week ordered two
salmon, and there was a great deal too
much.''
Pleasant for the s',Er-household. !
Doctor above all, no twice-cooked J
meat. L never allow any at my table.
LIS fatal: fatal, sir! So is cold meat. /"
Patient-"But then, what do you do
with all your old meat?" Doctor-"Oh,
the er-children, and-er-household eat it
up
Johnnie was sent to the store for some
eggs. On his retnrn he tyipped and
fell. His mother, who was looking out
OF the window, saw him, and said,
81 Johnnie, did you break any of the
e.11o,, f<NTa r