The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-01-07
THE MERRY SIDEI

**+
"Ingersoll is getting thin, and falling away"
So, judgment is overtaking Bob is it?
1t is now time for the man who says he was
"drunk only once last year, to get sober.
An exchange says the Ohio State Journals
funny man gets $3.50 week. 1t means year.
The turkey gobbler wears solemn counten-
ance. There's been a funeral in his family.
Charley Ransom, the New York gambler, is
dead. He "turned it down and went it alone" :"
There seems to be trouble in the New York
Custom House. Things are being after the
Democratic custom.
The Poles in Detroit will have peace in their
Church pretty soon. All the troublesome fell
ows will be killed off.
Democratic Press.-"What of this Cincinnati
fraud business hasn't Democrat as much
right to steal as a Republican
Yes-more!
Sam. Cary is after a Consulate-and If Cleve-
land don't give it to him he deserves the execra-
tion of suffering Nation.
"x
"The New York police have begun to break
up the stale beer dives" Ha! Good! But we
didn't think the bar-keepers would trust them
SO long.
The worry about Senator Sherman has taken
o humorous turn. Some excited newspaper
man has announced Halstead as a candidate for
Senator.
The Ohio Supreme Court decided that with
a circle on top is 9. That Court would decide
hot ruifh 20 hot xUos
The alleged marriage contract between Sena-
tor Sharon and Miss Hill has been declared
void. Sharon is vindicated-but he is dead.
s.<
"Pa, why do the officers shout left, left,' to
the private soldiers when they are marching?"
''To remind them that the private soldier
always gets left!"
An Ohio man who started out to deliver a lee
ture on "The World Growing Better,' had his
lecture and his pocket-book stolen in the first
town he struck.
Democratic papers are now. declaring that
Gen. Bob Toombs "was not Democrat" This
is probably because he would never acknowl-
edge that he was wrong.
An Ohio woman forbade her daughter going
to Sunday School, because they told her they
were going to have a "nover entertainment.
"Perga," said the Professor of Latin, when the
class was ready to proceed with the lesson, A
young man from the country called out, 81 had
one, Professor, but I've lost itp
Oh, there's difference between the Demo-
cratic politicians of Mississippi and Ohio-the
same difference there is between the highway
man and the forger.
The Cincinnati Post is doing good work for
the SUPPRESSION of crime-the publishing of por-
traits of criminals. There could be no worse
punishment.
The Board of State Charities recommends the
building of an additional Asylum for the In
sane, in Ohio. Thus the doggeries will make
business boom.
new pantomime in London is called IA
Dance in He'll" When a girl begins to tire or
lag, the manager shouts: "Dance like He'll %
This dance ought to prove popular in this coun-
try.
In Louisville last year % persons were muir
dered and 130 committed suicide. The suicides
are not so surprising, bnt the list of murders
seems large.
A returned missionary has been 1ecturing in
Columbus on "Christianizing China" They're
doing that out West-by killing the1ahlnamen.
Ex-Gov. Sprague, of Rhode Island will go
into the manufacture of prints again. He has
had considerable experience in print in the last
few years.
The story that ten Pinkerton Detectives were
going to guard the President probably arose
from the fact that they will be necessary to
keep the Democrats out of the White House.
Cleveland, you know, picks his company.
Young Gent, who has proposed.-"And do
you think your parents will object?'
Young Lady.-"You bet your boots. They'll
kick like steers ~
Jack Burke, prize-fighter, knocked Mike
Cleary, another prize-fghter, as dead as stone,
in Chicago. Unfortunately the man came to
again. These brutes never half do job.
-
Daniel Wintroud& Co., of Greensburg, Ind,
were broken up by the presentation of big
milk bill. If no offense to the milkmen, we
should say they were ''swamped."
-
The Atlanta Constitution says Christmas was
celebrated there by the jug and the pistol"
drunk to shoot.
Washington ladies are squabbling over the
question as to who is now the "drst lady of the
land" No use to worry about that-she isn't in
Washington, at all. She's keeping house for us.
More than a thousand bills were introduced
in one day, in the lower house of Congress. A
House that can do that, and only put in five or
six hours a day. is full of business,
The managers of the Ohio Peniten tiary have
discovered that the prisoners have been run
ming off. They will get nen to watch now and
tell on the next fellow they see going out.
Why could not the execution of the Labor
Arbitration Law be placed in the hands of the
Citizens Hundred Committee. The work
would be completed on the other side of Jordan.
"Why don't you swear Off" asked the citizen
Of the drunk man who tried to shuttle out of his
way, on the sidewalk, and fell.
"Shwear off er devil-can't even roll OFF,
A Judge of the u. S. Supreme Court denies the
story that there is q black bottle in the Court
Room all the time. 1t isn't there all the time
they take their coats with them when they
leave.
Gen. Grant once commanded a force that
against command in which Mark
Twain was private. Mark was SO badly scared
that he would never afterwards go in sight of
the enemy, and has felt funny ever since.
-.
Amos Ripley, of Gallia county, writes to the
Columbus Journal that he is SO years of age, and
never voted for a Democratic candidate for the
Presidency. Amos, the Lord will not leave you
here much longer. You're good enough to go
at any time.
1t is boldly stated that Endicott, Secretary of
War, didn't know Waterson, of Louisville.
And to think that they are both old warriors!
Watterson is the chieftain who marched on
Washington with hundred thousand unarmed
Kentuckians, to seat Tilden.
The tramp printer presented a distressing pic
ture as he entered the office. He had footed it
thirty miles," and was shabby and distressed.