Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-08-26
uOUR WHEEL
A Dissipated Editors Last Tribute of At
lection and Esteem to the Woman
Whose Lie He Had Wrecked.

lection and Esteem to the Woman
| Whose Lie He Had Wrecked.
When tha yellow-haired devil of the
! Jack Creek PizentUeed went to the office
at seven o'clock, on the morning
of the Sd day of April, A. D. 1877, he
/ found the editor in. 1t was so unusual
/ to find the editor in at that hour that
the boy whistled in low contralto
/ voice and passed on into the ''news
room, leaving the gentlemanly, genial
and urbane editor of the PizenaCeed as he
| had found him, ting in his foundered
/ chair, with his head immersed in a pile
! of exchanges on the table and his vener-
able a. near by. acting as paper
weight. The gentlemanly, genial and
urbane editor of the PizeNUecd present
ell the appearance of man engaged in
Sleeping OFF long and aggravated case
of drunk His hat was on the back of
his mead, and his features were entirely
obscured by the loose papers in which
they nestled.
Later on, Elijah P. Beckwith. the
foreman, came in and found the follow
ing copy on the hook, marked ''Leaded
EDITORIAL and divided it up into
takes for the yellow-ha devil and
himself:
I'm another column of this issue will
be found. among the legal notices. the
first publication of summons in an ac-
ton for divorce, in which our wife IS
plaintiff and We are made defendant.
While generally deprecating the practice
of bringing private matters into public
through the medium of the press, we
feel justified in this instance, inasmuch
as the summons sets forth. as 4 cause of
action, that we are, and have been for
the space of ten years, Il confirmed
drunkard without hope of recovery, and
totally unwilling to provide for and
maintain our said wife.
That we have been given to drink we
do not at this time, undertake to deny,
or in any way cOntrovert, but that we
can not quit at any time we do most
earnestly contend.
''In 1867, on the 4th day of July. we
married our wife. 1t was 4 joyful day.
and earth had never looked to us 50 fair
or so desirable as Il summer resort as it
did that dav. The flowers blOomed. the
air was fresh and exhilarating, the little
birds and the hens poured forth Their re
spective lays. 1t was a day long to be
remembered, and it seemed as though
we had never seen nature get up and
hump herself to be SO attractive as she
did on this special morning-thc morn
ING of all mornings -the morning on
which we married our wife
Little did we then dream that after
ten years Of varying fortune we would
to-day give uttcrance to this editorial,
or that the steam powcr-press OF the
PizeHWecd would squat this legal notice
for divorce, q UincUiO Cd M0rO, into the
virgin page of our paper. But such is
the case. Our wife has abandoned us
to our fate. and has seen tit to publish
the notice in what we believe to be the
spiciest paper published west of the Mis-
souri, river. 1t was not necessary that
the notice should be published. We We're
ready at any time to admit service. pro-
vided that plaintiff would serve it while
we were sober. We can not agree to
remain sober after ten O'Clock a. m, in
order to give people chance to serve
notices on us. But in this case plaintiff
knew the value of advertising, and she
selected a paper that goes to the better
classes all over the Union. When our
wife does any thing, she does it right.
''FOr ten years our wife and we have
trudged along together. 1t has been q
record of errors and failures on our
part; record of heroic devotion and
forbearance on the part of our wife. 1t
is over now, and with nothing to re-
member that is not soaked full of bitter
ness and wrapped up in red flannel re-
morse, we 60 forth to-day and herald
our shame by publishing TO the world
the fact that as husband we are de-
e.:
rum-soaked ruin and all around drunk
ard we are Il tropical triumph. We
print this without cgotiSm, and we point
to it absolutely without vain glory.
"Ah why were we made the custodian
of tbs fatal gift, while others were de-
ned9 1t was about the only talent we
had. but we have not wrapped it up in
napkin. Sometimes we have put
cold, wet towel on it. but we have never
hidden it under bushel. We have put
it out at three per cent a month, and it
has grown to he thirst that is
worth coming all the way from Omaha
to see. We do not glOat over it. We
of other bright, young drinkers, who
came here ut the same time, and who
had equal advantages with us. We do
not wish to speak lightly of those whose
prospects for filling drunkard's grave
were at one time even brighter than
ours. We have simply sought to hold
our position here in the grandest galaxy
of extemporaneous inebrates in the
wild and woollv West. Wedo not wish
to vaunt our own proves, but we say,
without fear of successful contradict
ton, that We have done what we could.
''On the fourth page of this number
will be found, among other announce
ments, the advertisement of our wife
who is about to open up the old laundry
at the corner of Third and Cottonwood
streets, in the Briggs building. We
hope that our citizens will accord her
generous patronage. Not so much on
her husband 5 account, but because she
is a deserving woman, and good laun-
dress. We wish that we could as safely
recommend every advertiser who
patronizes these columns as we can our
wife
..Unkind critics will make cold and
unfeeling remarks because our wife has
decided to take in washing, and they
will look down on her, no doubt. but
she will not mind it, for it will be
pleasing relaxation to wash after the
ten years of torch-light procession and
Mardi Gras frolic she has had with as.
1t is tiresome, of course. 10 chase a pill
low case up and down dashboard all
day, but it is easier and pleasanter than
it is to own a one-herse Inet,riate Home
for ten years on credit.