davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03
flashes Of fun.


clear conscience for solid comfort
Gums an old shu." r'"|'
"Were you " caught in a~sud-
den squall? p asked an old yatchman
of a worthy citizen. "Well, [ guess
SOP responded the good man, Il
have helped to bring up eight ba-
biesr' ''>1''.
A snow-white hen in Georgia,
Matched out five black chickens and
killed every n as they left the
shell. She didn't want the other
hens to eye her suspiciously and
talk about her. ~~'i'"t't 90
DR.. Gelle, Of Paris, has found that
twenty to twenty-five per cent, of
children hear only within a limited
range. Parents who have had occa-
sion to call the little ones into the
house when at play have long been
aware of this curious fact.
A modern philosopher thinks it
is a mistake to suppose that women
have stronger attachments than men.
"a man." he says, lis -Oftened at
tached to an old hat, but who ever
heard of a woman being attached to
an old bonnet"
Nothing makes a Kentucky man
so disguised with himself as t. learn
from a scientific work that three
fourths of the human body is COM
posed ofwater. He regards it as a
mean slur on the quality Of the
whisky he drinks. III ~
Wendell Phillips was once waiting
for a train at Essex Junction, VT
where passengers exercised at times
great patience. He saw a grave
yard away from the village, neal
the depot, and very full. He inquir-
ed the reason, and a Green-Moun-
taineer calmly informed him that it
was used to bury passengers in who
died waiting for the train. ,ae.
"What do you charge a quart for
your milk here?" asked a man, as
he put his head in at the door of a
milk-shop. Eight CENTS" was the
the reply. CANT you got any for
seven cents? ?" NO" said the pro
p%rietor; "but," he added, 1--WE cal
oon make you some"
A locomotive engineer, who had
just been discharged for some cause,
gave, vent to his spite by saying that
it was about time he left the compa-
ny anyhow, for the sake Of his life,
for "there was nothing left of the
track but two streaks of rust and
the right of way"
A railroad conductor bet German,
of Quincy, ILL.,, that he could not pick
up. 100 eggs laid on the ground a
yard apart inside of thirty-fve min
utes. The eggs were to be picked
up and deposited in a basket, one at
a time, and the basket was to re-
main stationary where the first egg
was placed. German thought he
had an easy walk-over, but the rail
road men placed the eggs in a
straight line along the side of the
depot, and the basket at one end, so
that German had to run up and
down the line with each egg sepa-
rately. At the end of twenty min
utes he had picked up only twenty
five of the eggs, and had to give up
the contest. A local mathematician
figured up that it would take about
six miles of travel to pick up the
100 eggs.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03

"My daughter, you ought to have
some aim in life" said a father to
his sixteen-year old. "Oh!' 1 am
going to, papa!' was the enthusiast
tic reply. q have got my beau al
ready"
"a There is a statute of Henry Clay
in the Capitol Square at Richmond,
Va. Two colored girls were prone
nading the 'squaresl one afternoon,
when one was overheard to say to
the other: "Dat's Clay" "Who you
trying to fool -? OATS marbul; an
you knows it!' replied her indig-
nant friend.
It often occurs that doctors do not
care to tell patients the whole truth.
An Austin doctor has very neat
way of encouraging the patient, and
at the same time he does not deviate
from the truth.
Doctor, please examine my chest.
There is something the matter with
my lungs" said a man far gone in
consumption.
The doctor examined the patients
chest, and consoled him by saying
"You just go home, and don't
bother about your lungs"
"Is there nothing the matter with
themY
81 don't say that there is nothing
the matter with them, but they will
last you until you draw your last
breath and you certainly will not
have any s for them after that"
There" she said, as she raised a
window in a Pullman a the other
day, "now [ can breath. The air is
so sitting. Why don't you have
better ventilation? If [ couldn't
sit next to an open window | GER
tainly believe / should die" Pres
entity a slender female sitting direct
ly back leaned over and asked her
if she wouldn't just as lieve close
that window, as the draught was
more than she could stand. ono,
madam, | shall not close this win
dow. l could not live with it down.
| was just thinking how delightful
it is with itopen, and now you want
it shut, but | shall not shut it; SO
there" "Then you are a selfish
thing, and I shall have to change my
seat Just then a gentleman sitting
close by, reached over and said
"Ladies, that window being raised
makes no difference as the car has
double windows, and not a breath OF
air can possibly get through the one
that is still down." Then the one
that raised the window turned to
the other, and with a crushed look
on her face said MADAM, I beg
your pardon, but | think two fools
have met at last"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03

They tell this story ofthe widow
of President Buchanan's first post
master-general: She had been mar
ried before and SO had Postmaster
General Brown, and each had a
daughter left over from the first
marriage. Then they had another
daughter Mrs. Brown used to pre-
sent them at her receptions in this
way: "This is Miss Brown, Mr..
Browns daughter by his first wife
this is Miss Sanders, my daughter
by my first husband, and this is Miss
Brown, our joint daughter"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03
There are more young Amer

# AE4se. #.@m@ ~-4a@"F
There are more young American
men in the penitentiaries in this
country learning trades than there
are outside of them The principal
cause of this is that we are educat-
ing young men for gentlemen-try-
ing to make lawyers, preachers, doe
tors and clerks out Of material that
nature intended, for blacksmiths,
carpenters, sailors, and other honest
''heWers ofwood and drawefslofw wa
ter" 1t lisa mistake, and a2big one
too, to teach the boys and-girls to
believe that to labor is disgraceful,
and to do nothing for a living is
more beeoming'the society in which
they1 expect to- gmoveaands shayeres-
pect, Hang such society! It isrotten
to the core:to-day, and there are many
mems sons and daughters who are
now being educated to play the part
Of ''leading lady" and "watking gen
tleman1 in.the great drama Of life,
who will light out for poor house
or a penitentiary before they have
played their parts and the curtain
drops. s.r..g ff..rrfr
Young man! get thee to atannery,
to a tinshop, to a chicken-ranche.
You can SOC become yourown boss,
independent and commander ofyour
own little kingdom, if you are pru-
dent and economical, but never wear
out, your young years behind2either
counter or desk and spend your sal
airy for having your hair parted in
the middle in the hope Of catching
the heiress who prefers her fathers
coachman. Boys, you can always
become clerks and pot-house politi-
clans everybody can sell dry goods
and clothing, andsact as clerk in the
mint, ~custom-house or p~ost-ofice,
but every one can't earn a living
like a good mechanical he is thrown
out of office.
TOO MUCH FASHION,. ,g
The majority Of the community
live beyond their means. Because
our neighbors indulge in certain lux
uries of life which they can perhaps
afford, we must initiate them, no
matter1what financial distress may
ensue. If not the merchant, then
the banker, clerk, book-keeper or
mechanic, ~allsstriving tosaecomplish
the same impossibility-the appear
ance they cannot we'll afford. 1t is
this monster fashion, which playsso
much havoc with many of our best
people, this aping of the rich
ones, this desire to "show up" but
the millennium must come, and
down they 60 struggling and fight
ing to keep up, but nevertheless
down, down they go until the bot
tom is reached. Our social system
is a hollow sham, moulded by fash
ion, which has destroyed our home
life. It has made little men and
women out of our boys and girls,
thwarted the destinies Of thousands
who but for it's dictates would to-
day be happy fathers and mothers.
A. r.
Goldsboro, N. G..
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24
Swell Tourists and Their Dresses.

While chatting with the proprietor Of
q well-known Long Branch hotel the
other day, remarked that could already
see signs of the coming summer exodus.
He laughed and said: aWell, my dear
boy, fear that the more signs you see
the less visitors we'll have. have just
dropped on to one or two Of the latest
wrinkles of those people who pose as swell
summer tourists on excessively small in
comes. A dressmaker whom my wife went
20 see recently told her that she had u
great variety Of dresses for the summer
season which she would hire out on
reasonable terms. and change for Others
once every week. Now, amt that All
ideal You see, Miss DE Smith can go to
Long Branch with seven morning and
seven evening dresses, and after a week
she secures another fourteen, and cali
bloom out in an entirely new set for the
following week. All these costumes are
made upon a sliding scale basis, with biz
seams and wide fiounces, which facilitate
their being changed To ft many sizes
You see that with four sets of dresses the
customer can change them from one
watering place to anotner. and thus serve
four people simultaneously, giving each
4 constant succession OF new toilets. For
about s25 a week the girls can have the
use Of wardrobe that couldn't be dupl
Gated under 5000. Think of that for
American enterprise. e.n-Baltimore Amer
lean
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24
Rich Men Take the Cheap Way.

"The age of economy has begun,,' said
q shrewd clerk in a hotel to reporter.
Few OF the wealthiest men," he contin-
ued, ''use carriages in going to and from
the depots. They take the street cars and
send their baggage by the cheapest ex-
press. Some years ago nearly all Of our
customers ont Of the city always took a
hotel coupe or carriage both coming and
going. 1t only cost them a couple OF dol
lars and that was considered cheap then
for the style they had in the way Of a
bright and handsome turnout. Now
prices are down considerably and many of
the depots can be reached in first-clas>
style double horse carriage) for 81 anu
sl.5o single passenger.
"Yet with all these close scaling, bank
rupt prices, the customers evince an
economical desire to take the street cars.
Think of it, Men worth s+,000,000 and
s5,OoO,OOO se!zing their grip bags and COM
ing mile or SO for ) cents. Such thing
fifteen or twenty years ago was rarely
done. Even "a 100000 man disdained &c
use anything but the carriage. But all
this applies principally to men alone. Oh
course, with their families they muster up
courage TO pay the carriage tariff Yet
have known several instances where the
entire family went to the depot in the
street car. The elevated railroad takes a
great many too, and is, If anything,
quicker than a carriage. Times have
changed when millionaires become 50
economical
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24
Where the Eullion Goes To.

II is often asked. What has become oi
the huge amount OF bullion that India has
absorbed in recent yearsf She has re
ceived on balance some f350, 900, 200 Of sill
yer and gold In the last forty years What
has become of it alli Many writers in
England hold that this is a great proof of
wealth It is not so regarded in India; il
Is extremely difficult 70 say what becomes
of the money; NO one could give me a sat
isfactory answer; IL is apparently difrused
over that vast population, either in the
form of coin OF ornaments; it shows little
visible sign of existence; probably much
Of IL is boarded. There still remains in
India the feeling Of mistrust, burned into
the mind of the people through ages of
pillage and anarchy. No property Is con-
sidered by the villagers quite secure un-
less it can be hidden.
Banks and bank notes are very little
used; the rupee has to perform the Ordin-
ary exchanges Of 250 100000 people, and
everything that can be spared is put upon
the woman in the shape of rings, brace
lets, anklets, and other ornaments OF
late years u considerable part OF the bull
ion mported-fully one-third-is in gold,
and IL is said that much of this goes into
the native states, where the rajahs and
rich natives are fond Of display doubt
whether any safe conclusions can be
drawn as to the wealth and prosperity OF
the masses of the people merely on ac-
count Of this absorption of bullion; still,
it is undoubted that India has greatly re-
plenished her currency as compared with
the early part Of the century, when it was
deplorably scanty, and when the rudest
means had to be adopted for the purpose
OF exchange. ge.-Contemporary Review.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24
Wanted 70 Ge, Rich suddenly.

What has become of the lemonade
vendors is question am often asked.
Well, here is what brought about the
end of that once fiourishing little trade.
A few years ago on all the prominent
downtown street corners there was to be
seen from May 10 october, lemonade
peddler. These men were largely patron
ized and made money. I have known
of men who made as high as 800 per
month right along through the summer,
but they, like other men, wanted to get
rich suddenly, or as rapidly as possible.
The continued use of the pure lemons
would not permit this. They then tried
a new dodge, the use of acids, instead of
fruit. This worked along nicely for a
time, but the public began to realize the
change, and quietly quit buying lemonade
on the streets, and the peddler found his
vocation gone.-Peddler in Globe-Demo-
crat
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24
Secret of Defying Old Age.

There is such a thing as perpetual
youth. There need be no such thing as
old age. The youngest man ever knew
was SO years old and the Oldest "A.
Youth is a matter o. the spirit. Say that
it shall not leave yor and it will not--it
can not. Feel young in mind and you
will appear young-nay, you will be
young, no matter how heavy the sum of
your years.
In order to feel young don't settle
down." an old-fashioned term for re-
nouncing pleasure of all kinds and de-
voting ones self to work unceasing and
unrelieved. Don't say @I'm too old to do
this, or too old for that" Don't lose in
terest in the things which made you
charming in your youth. That is all
there is in keeping young. That is the
secret of defying old age-the long
sought tabled fountain found by SO few,
20 few.
Nothing 80 beauties a face as q
quenchless enthusiasm, a noble zeal;
and nothing so effectively preserves
youth as forgetfulness of all fear-the
fear of age included and an interest in
something SO intense that age has no
chance to get in even a wedge. Mental
activity, good will to men, and eternal
enthusiasm-these make up the fountain
Of youth, and are within us all If sought
for.-Gertrude Garrison in Boston Globe.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24
sev.ral Fact. Ab,,ut Life pre..rver.

is il not strange that with so mans
new inventions constantly being made,
the old-fashioned cork lifepressrver So ]
remains in vogue?" said q captain of 6
steamer to reporter recently.
Are they not good enough, captainy
-Oh! yes. believe they answer bet
ter than anything yet invented for using
quickly in case of accident. Although
it is simple enough to strap 6, life-pre
server on, yet many people are frequently
drowned by putting them on in a loose
way and getting their feet turned IN the
air instead of their heads. Then, too, in
a general panic the preservers are often
tied or buckled carelessly, and few
waves soon knock them off. The India
rubber suits can not be put on so quickly.
That is one drawback to them. What
good would rubber suit do a man in
mid-ocean unless he has nerve and pluck
like Boyton and those professional swim
mers9 Think of lady incased in rub
Der armor tossing about in mid'ocean.
She would soon die from fright. Sailors
and seamen would he at home perhaps
in rubber life-preservers. and could pad
dle-about and keep up their spirits. But
in the hurry of leaving the ship after
collision, for instance, who would have
time to put on and initiate the rubber
life-preservers?
The moment an accident occurs, con-
fusion and panic generally follow, es-
pecially among the passengers. As a
rule the departure from the ship is rush
and devil take the hindmost. Hence a
life preserver must be easily put on and
have no complications whatever. They
would be perfectly useless otherwise.
/ have thought of all kinds of new
tangled life-preservers, but none are
worthy of adoption, or rather they are
impracticable. My idea once was to
have a good-sized half barrel, with straps
% placed that a person could easily buckle
himself to it in the water. Then on the
inside of the barrel would be little
fresh water and something to eat. By
taking out plug or slide the food
could be reached. have found nearly
everything impracticable. Presence of
mind in the face of danger is the great
est life-preserver person can possess.
Without this GOODNESS the best preserver
is of Little avail.--New York Mail and
Express.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24
Gold Production OF the Country.

The United States has been the richest
old and silver producing country in the
world. though but very little Of the
precious metals were found here before
the discovery of gold in California in
ls4s. The chief produced was in the
southern states. The total amount Of
gold mined in these states from the dis
'overy of the metal until 1873 was $40
100000. From 1s4s until 1873 the tot =
value of the gold product of the Unit .
States was s1,24l. 900, OO.-Boston
Budget.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24
European Merchant. In Shanghai.

Every European firm in Shanghai
employs large star of Chinese under q
head man called a ""mpradore, in whose
hands almost all the financiering rests,
and a great many OF the firms now strug-
Cling on in Shanghai under European
names are but a white cloak for a
heathen trader. Very few foreigners in
China speak the language, it being no
particular advantage as all Cinnamon
can speak -pidgin" English, while many
Of them excel in speaking French.
do not know that it is any particular ad-
vantage either to be able to speak the
language, as the Chinese are apt to loo
npon you as too knowing man and on"
30 be avoided. Shanghai Cor. San Fran
cisco Chronicle.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24
IndIa-Rusbsr shoes for watchmea.

A London tradesman whose shop has
been cleaned out by burglars four times
within eight months has devoted sona
thought to a means Of preventing NOR
repetitions of this form of disaster.
Arguing that the resounding footsteps Of
Q policeman give warning of his ap-
proach, he suggests that TO render his
movements less noisy. India rubber soles
be provided for the constables' boots
Boston Transcript.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24

It is becoming quite the thing in New
York to go to fires in hanson. Tho
construction Of the hanson, giving an
open view Of everything in front, renders
1t q good coach for sightseeing. The
drivers push up to the verge of the fire
lines and there their fares sit, cane
handle in mouth, like modern Neros, to
enjoy the confagration as a spectacular
treat.-Philadelphia Call.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24
The Cigars which Men smoke.

Sporting men generally smoke the best
cigars. often paying 25 cents apiec :,
sometimes 35 cents; lawyers and docto 3
come next, usually paying IS cents ~
20 cents for a good smoke; then cone
the actors, brokers a. tradesmen, buy
ing and l0-centers. There are lots of
men who clip coupons for living who
never go higher than 8 cents, and then
kick against the quality of the cigar
Dealer in Globe-Democrat.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24
nee. IN the geological Garden.

An apiary is to be added to the attrac-
tons Of the Philadelphia geological gar
dsn. Il will be so arranged that all the
working of the bees can be seen, an
from time to time there will be lecture,
upon Bookkeeping.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24

Eloquence 10 but the ability 70 crowd
ths most truth into the simplest and
eswsst worda.-Jud LA{agan.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1886-08-24

Among the workmen specially occupied
with tar in the Paris gas works only
three were sick In ths course Of seven
yearA
The St. Johns herald., 1886-12-09

majority of the stock will be held in St. Louis. \ meeting was held at the Planters House yesterday afternoon. at which Messrs. Henry L. Newman, David Ranken, John I. Miles, W. F, Monk, o. J. Wood ward, Charles Davis, and others were present, and the formation of company was determined upon, and preliminary steps taken. The district selected for the new ranch Is almost boundless in extent, is well supplied with water, heavily grasSed, and is so far south as to obviate all danger of losses from severe winters. The organization of the company is not yet com plete, but there remains no doubt that the land will be purchased and stocked. The company controls practically unlimited capital, and the ranch will be one of the largest, if not the largest, in the world.
The St. Johns herald., 1886-12-09

TIE Washington Post stands pre-cmInently III the front rank among the newspaper files of the day Its columns are fl led with pithy.epigrammatic paragraphs en- bracing every current news topic of the day. Located at tho National Capitol it enjoys advantages for gathering political items of inter- est, possessed by no other journal in the land, ard it presents them to its readers clearly, fully and intelli- gently, devoid of any superhuous detail of narration. It contains more instructive, interesting news matter to the squarg inch than any other newspaper in the United States. Subscription price only one dollar per annUm, We advise every one to take a dollar and with it send their names to the Post.
The St. Johns herald., 1886-12-09

TIE Globc-Democrat says in the Criminal Court Mr. ?. W. Faumtle- roy, representing W. II. Lennox- Maxwell, and the condemned Chin csc high-binders, Chyo Chiayck and Chyo Goom, asked that extension of time be granted, as the appeals to the State Supreme Court had not been finished, owing to the illness of Mr. Johnson, the court stenog- raphcr The Court granted the stay to February 1st.
The St. Johns herald., 1886-12-09

THIs issue of the HERALD com pletes Vol. II of the paper, and with the commencement of Vol. III the subscription of many of our subscribers expires, We trust that all of them will renew their sub scriptioms promptly, and in this way both assist and encourage us in using every effort to publish a journal which will meet the wants of Apache county. A X upon your paper indicates that your subscrip- ton has expired. and kindly re- quests that you will renew the same.
The St. Johns herald., 1886-12-09

TIE mail ear ill Belgium was robbed on Saturday, the Eth ult.. and a number of American regis tered packages stolen. Itis impos- sible to ascertain the loss. Super intcndcnt Bell thinks the Belgian Government iS not responsible, the postal authorities, for want of Con groSsional authority, having failed t. sIgn the Lisbon Postal Union .reaty. There k no clew to the perpetrators.