Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1886-09-16
HUMOROUS.
SOME DASHEs OF WIT AND BITS
OF HUMOR.
A taking way--the thiefs.

in Canada.
One does not need a thermometer
nowadays to find that 1t grows warmer
by degrees.
An Abingdon Square girl recently
married legless man. She says when
she asks for new bonnet he can't kick.
A little boy said he would rather
have the earache than the toothache,
because he wasn't compelled to have
his ear pulled out
at wish that dog would go out of
the parlor. / wonder why he don't"
Probably because he is a tarryer,"
was the reply.
They may say what they please
about civil service reform, but not even
a Mugwump can jerk his own door bell
knob without becoming a wire-puller
Some one says that Miss Kate Field
would sooner have married John
Brown than any hero of the war.
John is probably well satisfied that 1t
turned out as it did.
"Please, sir, how will you have your
steak ?" shyly asked pretty waiter
girl. "Well done, good and faithful
servant" said the dignihed young
student, impressiyely.
A young man who has recently been
on a short voyage, where he suffered
greatly from seaSickness, says that all
he had for breakfast several mornings
was chop sea.
A storekeeper in Boston has put
drum in his window to which is at
tached card with the price thus: "55
cents! only! Beat this" Ali that's
where the stick comes in.
Would it be considered impolite to
speak of some of the very thin girls
who go in bathing as swimming
matches Perhaps to refer to them as
part of the floating population would
be better.
Four year old Belle had been watch
ing Tom, the cat, squeeze through
very small hole under the house. "Oh,
mamma" she said, "you ought to have
seen Toni He just mashed and went
under"
Lizzie Moore, a colored woman, when
called upon to plead before q New
York Judge to charge of cursing
and swearing, said: "The old man
: was choking me and had to say some
, thing"
, Harry (who has the idea, but forgot
, the precise Words -"Oh, sister, Mrs.
; b. told me to tell you how awfully kind
it was of you to sing as it's so hard to
get any one to do it nowadays unless
+ they sing we'll"
+ 1t is stated that Mrs Potts wife of
e that Potts who went through the whirl-
n pool rapids, was willing for her hus-
= band to risk his life. No one who has
= not had experience can appreciate what
$ it is to be married to crank.
v al want to send some floral tribute
q to the late Dr. Ketchum. What do
IS you think of as appropriate as Il
= devicew "The doctor died insolved,
/ believer" ayes, 80 | understand"
. "How would broken piller do?
v Gentlemen" remarked Col. Mooney,
. the other day, "let ls strike for O re-
s form in our dress. III women can wear
h dresses with the arms and yokes thereof
y punched full OF holes to let the cool air
in, why can't we? I'm for reform!'
a A little six year old, whose "nose had
9 been put out Of joint" twice within
l two years and a half, feelingly re-
s marked the other day: Mamma gets
I. sick every time new baby comes to
i this house. and l wish they'd stay
away"
! "Ill press thee, press thee, yet
again. sang the hair-parted-in-the-
" middle young man at the social the
other night, and all the fellows he had
borrowed from for two years back
/, went out in the cool for fear he would
. keep his word.
a An exchange says good peach is
y the king of fruit. Very true; but a
y brief experience with the underdone
N us that "aching," rather than "the
at king" would be more appropriate
~ title for the fruit
20 A little girl, visiting a neighbor with
~ her mother, was gazing curi0usly at
1T the hostess new bonnet, when the
ey owner queried: "Do you like it, Laura p
NJ The innocent replied: "Why, mother
q. said it was perfect fright, but 1t don't
>. scare me"
a. az tell ye, my friens," said Brother
" Gardner, "when | come to realize jist
or what queer piece of clay we am an
or how much workin' ober we need to
n come out perfeck, can't wonder ober
a., the sh0utin' and hurrahin' in heben
" when one Of us grown folks finds his
IL way in"
W, "Say," exclaimed one of Dixey's
III Adonis troupe, as she patted, somewhat
ed viciously, the head of venerable adj
an mirer --"you are an old wretch, that's
hv 80. | counted forty-six hairs on your
~ head only last evening and now there
ld are only thirty-eight. What young girl
he have you been giving hair to, sirree?'
Dr. "Jeptha," asked Mrs Jones, who was
writing letter home chow do you
spell sign p "S-i-n-e, answered Jones
who always spells by sound. 81 thought
there was a & in it somewhere" re
Die marked Mrs. Jones' doubtfully. "Tha'
,x- would make sing Of it" responded he
ir. husband. Slime spells sign"
nm A buffalo preacher is accused of hug
w. ging the girls in his congregation. TIL
10 accusation, 1t Is presumed, is brough
her by female member0f the cOngregs
ike ton who has q wart on her chin an
- freckles on her face, and who wa
Vi neither embraced in the list Of girl
as Rugged nor hugged in the list of girl
ter embraced.
ow An unknown man stepped up {
'ou Brother Talmage and said "Wel
~, sir, am an eyolutionist and want
20 discuss that question with you. j al
Is also an annihilationist. believe tha
'es- when die that viii be the end of me
lite "Thank God for that !" devoutly ejacs
~, lated Mr.. Talniage, as he walked o.
~ ~ and left the man perfectly dazed.
o A Maine man proposes to Jump froI
rem a balloon fifty feet above. the Brookly
ere Bridge, with thirteen ponuds of iro
de- attached to his feet Iflw will slight
. - change his programme. aud jump frvl
W his balloon five hundred feet ahoy