davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
A Retail Tradesman at the Ball,

No fun was in the repulse by belle at
the Orthopedic ball Of a young man who
there renewed slight Acquaintance with
-hers-~This was charity affair, and it had
a Distinguishing characteristic Hitherto
on occasions of festive philanthrophy the
lines between the self-constituted aristocrat
and other respectable folks had been re-
laxed for the sake of the cause, and the
proudest Astor matron or maid conde-
scended to mix with ordinary mortals. But
this time it had been ordered that the incest
circumspection be used to make an exclusive
assemblage, and each purchaser of ticket
had been critically considered by COM
mittee of society DANES Somehow OF
other, however, retail tradesman got in.
He looked all right in his faultless evening
dress, his character was above reproach,
one elbow dawdlingly on flower stand
daughter of a first family. She identified
him with an inward spasm of horror, for
she had bought shoes of him many a time and
oft; but outwardly she was calm and very
cool, while he lost little of his self possess
sion as he fumbled with dancing card and
pencil
"Ah" said the girl, with the slightest
possible elevation OF her eyebrows and q
steady gaze of mild impudence into bis
flushing face, have you brought your bill to
me here! That really seems rather urgent,
but if you need the money l will have papa
pay you"
The profit of that ball went to the Ortno-
pedic hospital, where children with de-
formed feet are treated.-New York Letter
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
"I'm no bloomin' chump, ne kno,o."


We patted him on the back and lulled
the storm, but it broke out again as soon
as we reached jackson. He didn't like the
situation of the hotel nor any of the rooms
in it, nor the way the porter talked back at
him, and he flung himself into a chair and
exclaimed:
"Tm no bloomin' chump, ye know, but I
can't 90 this-rea1ly, l can't"
While he had been fussing around we had
put up little job on him, and now in
formed him that there was carriage at the
door to drive him to a fine hotel in the
suburbs place we had not time to visit
"That's jolly, and I won't forget the
favor, We know" he said as he tossed his
bags into the hack and drove on.
The driver was directed to take him out
to the insane asylum, and the order was
faithfully carried out.
"Tm bloomin' chump if it isn't fine
building. though can't say much for the
scenery" said the man as they drove up.
He alighted with all his baggage and en-
tered the superintendendents office. In
about an hour he returned to the hotel, and
bursting into the office where we sat smok-
ing he hotly announced:
First, there is no hair line; then no COM
partnent. then no scenery; then no double
track; then l arrive at the tavern to find it
only third-rate club house; then Pm sent
knocking about to a suburban hotel, and
when l reach it what does the bald-headed
old cock-a-coodle of q landlord inform me?
Why, gents, that I've got to have certifi-
cate of insanity to be admittedl Pm a
bloomin' chump if your blarsted country
isn't enough 10 drive one wildp-M Quad
in Detroit Free Press.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
A CERTIFICATE WANTED.
IN Quad" Runs Across "BlOOming
Chump' on q Railroad Train.

IN Quad" Runs Across a "BlOOming
Chump' on a Railroad Train.
just do like to run across an Englishman
who is fresh to this country and determined
to combat American ideas He is good deal
better company than On America IN would be
in Europe. Such a chap rode with us from
Vickshurg over to Jackson.
Excuse me, ye know" he began as the
conductor came along, "but I'd like COM
partment to myself"
There was no place to put him except in
the baggage car, and when this was ascer-
tained he replied:
"Ah, well, I'm no bloomin' chump, ye
knows Is this hair line railroads"
"Never heard that it was" said the con-
ductor
~Then why didn't they direct me to the
hair lnes What's the use, ye know, in
fellow creeping and twisting all over the
country to fetch up at some place which is
on a hair lines"
We had no sooner got him quieted down
on that than he began to find fault with the
scenery along the road.
dts devlish awkward, ye know, to be gaz
ing at nothing but a pine forest, he broke
out. "lf there are no mountains, cliffs, val
leys or pretty villages. why not go to work
and provide thems They can't expect a fell
low to put up with such as this and GO over
the route another time,"
We rubbed him down gently, and had re-
stored his good nature when we side tracked
for ten minutes for the other train to pass.
"Pm no bloomin' chump, ye know" he be-
gan at the end Of two minutes, "but GER
tainly protest against this delay. II there
is only one track, who is to blame for it? Is
my valuable time to be taken up in waiting
here, because the other train is not on timel
In the first place, there is no hair line;
then there are no compartments; then the
off and submit to delay. Gents, observe that
Iprotest."
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
Italian Singers in Court.

There was an amusing case in a San Fran
cisco court the other day. Cherubini, the
well-known Italian singer, was there as q
defendant, being charged with making an
assault upon one Belasco, a property man.
When the defendant held up his hands to
be sworn, he exclaimed in an excited
manner: ~ swear fifteen thousand times,
and when his testimony was brought to a
conclusion he cried out: "Oh, please, please,
let me tell ever, ever SO much more.
Though the assault was proven the excitable
basso was let off scott-free, it having ap-
peared in evidence that the plaintiff had
become addicted to frying fish beneath the
great singers nose, and this apparently the
judge thought justified the assault Detroit
free Press
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
A Cane Made Of Leather.

"Here is something odd in canes" said .
dealer to reporter Curious grain to the
wood, isn't its'
The cane was about three fourths of an
inch in diameter, and had curved top end
ing in a silver horses hoof. 1t was very
dark. The grain seemed to run around in
rings, the upper part Of each ring being
darker than the lower.
1t was made of leather buttons slipped
over the ramrod of an army musket by q
shoemaker at the Indiana Reform school
in 1872. The ramrod belonged to the mus
ket the man carried during the war of the
rebellion. He cut the pieces of sole-leather
with die, punched hole of the right size
in the middle, shaved them to wedge
shape where the curve came, forced them
on and compressed them with a screw cut
on what is now the ferule Of the cane and
then soaked the whole in varnish. II re-
quired two quarts of varnish to get it into
shape 1t is a beauty, and it would sell for
$50 if / wanted to part with it. Baltimore
Herald
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
At THE MEXICAN OPERA.
Two Commonplace Facts-A Charming
Beauty Shown the Boxes.

Two Comm on place Eacts-A Charming
Beauty Shown the Boxes.
AS has been intimated, the cafes and the
heatre occupy large place in the life oi
,his capital With Latin population the
.nglo-Saxon phases of home-visiting and
entertaining are, of course, not reproduced,
out family feeling is very strongly mani
tested. But we will approach our study OF
society from the outside and by slow ad
vanceS The opera is an advantageous
point to start from Here society is on pa
Yade. Yet the despotism of the senses first
bring to the attention two commonplace
facts-that we must occupy straight backed
chairs and that fieas attend the opera. The
men, who sit with their hats on until the
curtain rises, are divided between dress and
Prince Albert coats The two balconies are
devoted to boxes an l these also border each
side of the floor of the house The truly
brilliant array OF ladies are in full dress,
and they are fairly dazzling with southern
charms and that eiation that resides in the
best bib and tucker"
"As the drop rises all pay appreciative at
tention TO the Italian opera. but it is at once
apparent that the stranger without opera
glasses is but half equipped for the evening
The universal interest does not rivet itself
on the singers. This is charming beauty
show, and it is expected that the men will
display their frank appreciation of it To
eye those Gagged senoritas for five minutes
on stretch is to pay well merited COM
pliment, one that is openly appreciated and
even expected 1t is all as natural and
genuine and pleasing a.s yielding to that i'm
pulse of delight which fills one at display
of f1owers-for here are the rarest of exotics
the ardent blooming of the highest form of
life
Between the acts the men behave as they
do the world over-break for the lobby and
smoke, and eat cloves; but there are local
variations. Those fortunate enough to have
favored feminine acquaintance in the house
buy dulce-sweetmeats-w they dis
patch to the boxes. There seems to be
limit placed now on the national habit of
smoking, for it has been abolished from its
last stronghold, the pit. When the male
audience flies back the men stand and level
their glasses at the boxes. In this way the
prize of beauty is awarded and joy or
heart-burning is thereby created Happily
the average of fascination is so high that
few are omitted in this informal reward
The girls are keenly alive to the situation,
and individual flowers in the bouquet of a
box nod to each other as this, that and the
other man pay it attention. Cor.
Springfield Republican.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15

What's in q Name?
Ann arm he placed around her waist
Andrew her to his side,
And Hilda still, 20, dearest Will
Liam Harry mer he cried
1Ask Martin night" she screamed outright,
And Ella, you're my beau"
i Noah no." he groaned lot,
l. You Arthur ons to 60"
"Come down Nancy her then with me,
And let Estela quick
"Dear Martha" miss said with kiss,
"Please take Luke at Dick
ale is Amanda hghtful and
He wants TO Mary me
He Israel sweet-Mawt Ira Pete
He wants to Ed" said She
"Will Hiram main alone, dear Jane,
If Phoebe comes, my song'
"Nol mother, no." Dick yelled; "Hugo
With us. We three are one."
"You Mabel Eve I'd never leave
My Jane" ma Zed with tears
"And Ida Clare" Dick cried, you'll share
Ny Sally re for years"
"Of course, my child, Mark quickly sailed,
"Or Jane amt Marion yet
But-business now-Let Caesar, now
How much Sal Larry you get"
Dicks Sarah Rose with fright II 'spose-
Six dollars, mum, May week"
1Janei 60 tp bed," ma sternly said,
Soon Asa tongue could speak
"And you, you tramp! you Orville scamp
I'll teach Hugh to consider
Ere you bereave-yes-AndY cieve
Ann unprotected widder"
H. g. Dodge In Detroit Free Press
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15

a hairpin is a woman's best friend. 1t fits
. multiplicity of uses, and she is never with
out one. II her hair is short you can de-
pend upon it that in recess of her purse or
a pocket of her reticule you will find the
hairpin If she buttons her shoes she uses
her haifpin, and who ever saw a woman
button her gloves with anything elsel II
her head itchas does she scratch it with her
finger! Nonsensel She whips out hairpin
and relieves herself Suppose a nickel has
dropped between the bars of the wooden
foot CRATE in the street car. Does she soil
her fingers as q man would, and then not
get its Certainly not Out comes the hair
pin, and the coin is lifted out without
trouble.
If her shawlpin is lost, where SO good a
substitute as the hairpin! If she eats nut
does she take a nutpick? Most assuredly
not The hairpin again. 1t is with the
hairpin that she rips open the uncut leaves
of book or magazine; it is a hairpin with
which she marks her progress in her favorite
book; if trunk key is missing a hairpin
opens the refractory lock as neatly as
cleanses her finger nails and, if it is Q
clean one, even picks her teeth. And ths
feats Of hair securing that she win make a
simple bowlegged hairpin accomplish nearly
surpasses the belief of man. Altogether, it
deserves to be classed among the great in
ventions of the world, and the grave Of the
original man who created the first one could
have no prouder epitaph than this: "This
is the kind of q hairpin he was. Chicago
News.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
Helena, Montana. Thursday, July IS, 1886

"Yes, what did you do'' Nell repeated the
question with a terrible anxiety in her
brown eyes. Her Kensington lay unheeded
on the floor, her elbows rested on her knees,
one hand supporting her dimpled face. Her
breath came short and fast She awaited
the sequel with sympathizing, anxious eyes.
"Why"-Jobn gave an energetic puff at
his cigarette-"l awoke!"-Fannie Isabel
Sherrick in Frank Leslie'S
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
The Progress Of CoIored Pupils.

Colored children progress rapidly in school
till they reach the grammar grade; then a
sort Of palsy strikes them. The superin-
tendent thinks this is because the work up
to that grade consists chiefly Of memoriz-
ing, at which they are good, but when Or
iginal thought is needed they are weak. I
do not exactly contradict him, but suggest
that part Of it may be due to the fact that
when they reach that grade they know more
than their parents, and receive no stimulus
by association with them or any older per-
SON have noticed the same failure at that
stage in white children of ignorant parents,
though, to be sure, that, too, may be due
to inherited incapacity.-South Carolina
Cor. Chicago TimeA
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
A Sick Congress man.

The other evening the little daughter of q
congressman was paying visit at a neigh
bor's, and the respective mothers were talk
ing of physical ailments and their remedies.
After while the little girl saw an opportu-
nifty to make remark
my papa" she said, always drinks
whisky when he is sick"
Then she stopped for a minute. her eyes
softened and saddened and she continued
slowly:
"And poor papa is sick nearly all the
time. w Washington Critic
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
A Daughter to be Proud OF.

What very pretty girl your friend is,
Miss Constantina" said Dumley. "Such
bright eyes and clear complexion one seldom
sees. Hasn't she Irish blood in her veins4'
"Oh, yes" Miss Constantine replied; "she
is true daughter Of Erin Go Bragh."
"Well, all have to say is" added Dunn
ley, who greatly admires pretty girl, "Mr.
and Mrs Go Bragh ought to be proud OF
her "--Harper's Bazaar.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
Old Love Letters Like Cold Soup.

Old love letters are much like cold soup.
A love letter that telegraphs delightful
tingle to the tip ends Of the fingers and toes,
makes the heart thump fast and even warns
up the stomach when first written if read
after the flame which inspired it had died,
possesses all the fiatness, staleness and nau-
seating qualities that are in porky bean
broth that has laid in the refrigerator since
yesterday Soup has this advantage-it can
be warmed over, while the letters cannot
Lewiston tAle) Journal
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15

AT THE sEAsHoRE, JULY /, 1885.
The moaning of the tide hear,
AS of old ocean sobs;
Its heart seems beating loud and clear
With ceaseless, mighty throbs.
Upon the beach loving pair
Are sitting side by side;
Her hands are toying with his hair,
For she is still bride
Pm. AT HOME, JUNE 20, 1886.
She welcomes him with outstretched arms
He tries in vain to dodge;
His breath is stronger than her charms,
For he has been to lo1ge.
Her hands toy with his hair. l fear
lis more in wrath than pride;
Though far from oceans shore, hear
The moaning of the 4tied." The Judge
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
Pencil Sketch and Photograph.

In general a pencil sketch made in half
an hour will be of more value to the artist
than any photograph he may get, because
while he is sketching the object, its character,
its color, its generalizations are fastening
themselves upon his memory, and his sketch
will bring them all to mind again when he
proceeds to use it-Philadelphia Times
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
Easier than . Political Job.

LAsIeT CHdn y FOIltlc8I OOUs
We'll, Pat, what are you doing nowT
''Shure, an play in the band anyhow.
What instrument do you handlea"
Faith, an bla the big droom."
Isn't it pretty hard workg"
'Ah, no. jist hold the drum up, an an
other feller dug all of the pounding DE
troit Free Press.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15

They fished together, he and she,
Beside a shady mountain brook;
How full it filed his heart with glee-
A single look!
They left the noisy little spring
At evening, in its hazy glow;
He had not caught a single thing.
But she had, thought!
-Tid-B Bits
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
A Taking Example.

A Massachusetts, spinster writes exult-
ingly: 'Thank God for Grover ClevelandI
His example has aroused the manhood OF
Massachusetts, Last evening received my
first offer of marriage. Evening
Journal
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15

A Very Expensive Hotel Catalogue
The Hoffman house, New York, is about
getting out catalogue that will cost $5v'-
OoO. The ink used cost $50 q pound Inc
catalogue will contain sixty-eight pages -
Chicago Herald.
WASH your mating with salted water.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15

Mime. Cava]azzi, the famous danseuse,
practices her steps every day before large
mirror. She says every great dancer il
obliged to do this, or they will become sti6
and ungratefuL- Chicago Ledger.
Queen Victoria has taken quite fancy
b Miss Rose Elizabeth Cleveland's book
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15
Likes to Talk of Ones Self.

One likes to talk of ones self 80 much
that one never tires Of a tete-a-tete with
lover for years. That is why a devotee
likes to be with her confessor. 1t is for
the pleasure of talking of ones self-even
though speaking evil-Mme de Sevigne
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15

The Chinese, a. people, are not credited
with q fine sense of humor, but there Il now
circulating in that country Chinese vsr-
sion of "The Pilgrims Progress, illustrated
BY Chinese artists, presenting all the char
acters in the book in Chinese costumes, and
making the House Beautiful Chinese
pagoda-New York World
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15

At a recent press dinner out west one of
the guests present made a speech, in which
he paid glowing tribute to the name and
fame Of the immortal Gutenberg.
At the close of the address, which was re-
ceived with vociferous applause, the chair
man, who had dined well if not wisely, said:
~H Mr.. (hic) Gutenberg is present we
would be (hic) glad to have him make few
remarks Life
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15

The Pasteur fund in Paris now amounts
to over $lOO, 1000, and the hospital is as
sured.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1886-07-15

Paris has $50 lithographic establishments
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1886-06-12

The basis ii representation to said Conven
tion was mad, as follows: One delegate for
each so votes, and one for each fraction of 25
or over, cast for the Blaine and Logan Elec
tors at the last election. aggregating 144 Dele
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1886-06-12
Dyspepsia,

follows. Fetid Breath, Gastric Pains,
Headache, Acidity of the Stomach, Water
brash. Nervousness. and Depression, are all
evidences of the presence of this distress
ing malady. A Sure Relief for irregu-
laritieS of the Stomach and all consequent
diseases, will be found in the Use of
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1886-06-12
MORNING APPEAL.
ssued every morning. Monday excepted, BY
=. r. DAVIS.
a Daily Newspaper, devoted to Poiiticai Geai'
eral News and Local Affairs.
cFFfCE-Second Street, opposite the Southern
front OF the State Capitol.
FERNS Of subscription:

Gin. eopv. one year, by mail ...----..-.-.SS 90
Os,e cony' six months, by mail. .......... 4 90
One eopy, three months, by mail. .-..... 90
subscriptions must be paid in advance
Tbe APPEAL will be delivered to the citizens
Carson At 2J cents per week.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1886-06-12
Bilious Disorders.

Among the warning symptoms of Bilious
ness are Nausea, Dizziness, Headache,
Weakness, Fever. Dimness of Vision,
Yellowness of Skin, Pains in the Side.
Back and Shoulders. Foul Mouth, Furred
Tongue, lrregularity in the action of the
Bowels. Vomiting. etc.
The Stomach suffers when the bowels
are constipated, and Indigestion or
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1886-06-12

n%A General Insurance Agency 10
als0 connected with the Bank. Staunoh
and reliable Fire, Life and Accident
Companies Hopresented-Pelicies issued
sn day sDplisstson. >;i
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1886-06-12
MISCELLANEOUS
COSTIVENESS

assimilative organs, including the Kid
neys. When these organs are so affected,
they fail to extract from the blood the
uric acid, which, carried through the cir
culation, causes rheumatism and Neu-
ralgia.
The functions of the Liver are alss
affected by costiveness. causing
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1886-06-12
AYERS PILLS.

They stimulate the stomach, free the
bowels. heaIthfully invigorate the torpid
liver and kiCneys, and by their cleansing,
healing and tonic properties, strengthen
and purify the whole system. and restore
it to a salutary and normal condition.
PREPARED BY
DR.. j. c. Aver & Co., Lowell, Mass.
Sold BY all Druggists.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-02-12
The Bright Sid.

There was never a night so dark that
some would not speak of the dawn, and
never a day 50 bright that some would
not think of the midnight 1t is well
that the enthusiast be balanced by the
conservative, perhaps, on the principle
that little shade improves the tone Of
almost any picture. 1t is, however, a
thankless mission that the gl7Imblcr en-
ters upon, and his is work that shadows
his own mind and heart more than that
Of any other Most Of us see enough Of
the hard side of life, hear enough Of the
woe and wcarincss, advcrsity and ami
mostly, disappointment and disaster in
life, without being formally reminded
thereof. The newspaper finds more
readers when it announces a ships wreck
than when it chronicles launch. Its
column of obituaries is more sought for
than its wedding announcements. A
firms failure is read by hundred per
sons to one who would read of an "open-
ing; and man who steals $1,000 re
ceives more newspaper notoricty than a
thousand men who should deposit 500,
600 each 1t is the natural elasticity Of
the mind and heart that keeps the aver
age man hopeful while the sad and evil
things Of life are running before his eyes
or are being poured into his ears. There
should be systematic effort on the part
Of all people to see the bright side, speak
of the hopeful things When majority
of business men talk the dark side Of
finance there is panic; when majority
of laboring men see the dark side of LIE
there is Nihilistic tendency. There i
too much danger in every direction for
any encouragement of the already too
active tendency to see the evil IN bust
ness and society. Let us see the bright
side and call other peoples attention to
it-Boston Ttoceler