The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-04-15
WITT AND HUMOR.

headed a department What Fhlladei
phia Editors Think" 1t occupied one
eighth of a column.-Puck
A little urchin asked his mother
difficult question and got the answer
81 don't know" We'll" said he, :.
think mothers ought to know. The
ought to be well educated or else hav,
an encyclopedia. ."-Boston Record.
Washington Belle Ito young nava
of1icer)-.'I suppose the hardships O
your life at times. Lieut.. Sinecure, ar
simply frightful?" Lieut. Sinecure-
-.Ya'as. very. The cost of gold brai,
alone is something fearful. IN 7
Sun.
''ls Jim Bullard hangin' round thes,
parts nowadays?" asked a passenge
from car window of Dakota citizen
Jim was hangin' round last week
stranger" did you see himP'' 20
yes; had hold Of the rope."-M z
San.
Mother, what is an angelo" my dear
1t is little girl with wings who flies. -
But heard papa telling the governess
yesterday she was an angel Will she
fly?" '.Yes, my dear, she will fiy away
the first thing tomorrow. - Tansts
Fair.
A young lady cashier in St Louis
dry-goods house tried to get away with
$4,000 by hiding it in her bustle-a
plan not open to gentleman cashiers for
obvious reasons. She probably wished
to have a good financial backing.-N.
y. ITi6une.
According to telegraphic reports the
''peach crop along the Hudson has
been ruined three times already since
the first of the year. 1t is feared that
another cold spell will kill it if it should
again be left out doors all night.-Nor-
srstoaOn Herald
The hardest thing in this world to
please is woman. Mr.. Young of Wa
basha, Minn., locked his wife in the
house; MIR. Potts of Pepin, Wis, locked
his wife out of the house. Now both
women have sued for divorce.-HoluoEe
(lfass.) Transcript.
A little 4-year-old miss on the East
Side, toddling upstairs the other day,
noticed that the servant had removed
the carpet from her room and was
scrubbing the floor. Said she: Hello,
Rosa, has you moved your kitchen floor
up-stairsp''-Batato Courier.
A clever Albany girl who was at
Ridgefeld the other night was asked
what her sensations were when she shot
down the toboggan chute for the first
time. 'It was delightful" she ex-
claimed enthusiastically; 81 thought 1
was dying. albany journal.
They say Mark Twain is worth a
great deal of money" remarked a cas-
ual caller yesterday. ''Yes," replied
the horse editor, MARK always has an
eye to the dollar" THAT is to saw
Clipped in the snake editor, Twain is
a sort of dollar Mark. .'-Pittsburo
Chr0nieIe
Scene, Paris. Time, three weeks ago.
very stupid here this winter, eh, old
fellowp" "Deucedly. Let's do some-
thing to have some fun-a circus; any
thing, you know" 'All right. Say
we get up party and go to New York
to take in the French ball. "-Phaladel-
phi0 NeWs.
Mrs. Southworth, the woman suffrao-
lst. says: "Men are constantly becom-
ing more like women. They don't fight
now when they get mad at each other"
Sometimes they don't, but then they do
not generally get revenge by accusing
their enemy of wearing a last seasons
hat.-Saoan'ah (Ga.) Nea0s.
'.How did you break off your front |
teeth?" asked visitor of the same |
small boy. 81 didn't break 'em.'' re- |
piled the youngster. 81 was lust fool |
ing a teenty bit with horses tail in the |
street up at c.. The man that pick
ed me up got his hands and vest awful
bloody. 1t wasn't my fault t"-Bostoas
Record.
A Northampton County scnoolmarm
gives the following sentence from the |
pen of her youngest and brightest schol- |
ar. gwen in answer to the request:
write in twenty words definition of
MAN. 1t read thus: ..Man is an ami
NAL that stands up; he is not very big,
and he has to work for iving.-Alle,a-
foson (Pa.) Register
You say that you have PLAYED Mac
bethP" said New York theatrical
manager to an applicant for position.
81 have acted the role of Macbeth four
teen times" 'Well, let me hear YOU
repeat his defiance to Macduff." 20. I
never got SO far as that The audience
always made me quit before I got to
that part "-Tenas Siftings.
Two seconds wait upon their princi-
pal to give him an account of their mis-
sion to his adversary. you will fight
with pistols" ''Will the pistols be load
edp" '.Parbleu, of course" with
builetsP" Certainly, yesr' Their prin-
cipal frowns. with bullets! But I
only meant friendly encounter, and
not combat of savages. ."-Parts Ga
Itgnant
Robbie went to church last Sunday /
W. |
let him put shining silver quarter into
Ine contnbutlon-box. But the deacon
q naG hardly got to the next pew before
hoDoie remarked in a disgusted tone,
audible clear up to the pulpit: 'Say, {
he didn't notice that quarter
any more than if it was only just a !
(Mass.) Journal. t
An American scientist is trying to
discover some means of making shells {
u eggs transparent without injury to
heir membraneous lining. = He is en- S
gagged In a very laudable undertaking.
and it is hoped he will succeed. A man g
need not then waste a good egg in the I
reception OF an amateur Hamlet He
very seldom does to be sure; but he t
can't always tell.-Noaristown Herald.
Six-year-old Mary M. informed the
an1iy Jew days ago that she wished
o go to church Sunday, as she was in 2
crested in what would be said. After
much persuasion she was induced to saw
hat she 'tspected after the men and :
women had sung the minister would get
P and say: The Progressive Whist :
Hub will meet with Mrs. NJ next We'd =
lesday night "-Leaoistoas (Me.) Jour ),
laL q
Miss Clara-''Can you recall, MIR. =
'eatherly, the name of the author of Z
hat beautiful poem beginning with the Il
ne, 'Ah! a wonderful stream is the q
liver Time'P" Mr.. Featherly Gntently) .
H'm-let me see-he was an Eng .
shman. fancy. No, stop moment. o
am thinking of the River Thames. Q
he River Time! Are you sure, Miss "
lara. that is the name of the riverP / Il
ever heard of tn. z. Times. f.
How uncertain are the vicissitudes of r,
lis life! A man may be scooting along b
snow-shoes over the beautiful snow b
'lng on the numerous hills about the b
nYr1lfiur in ~ e -