davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

a member Of the Texas Legislature
Engaged the services Of q colored man
named Jake. 1t Was not long before
the legislator had occasion 70 remark:
Jake. his very singular that miss
90 many Of my cigars"
''Kurnel, yer reckcrlects dat tole
yer when yer fust hired me dat
smoked. and you said mustn'tsmoke
In de honsey''
Bot. great Cesar you didn't sup
pose gave you permission 70 emoks
up nv cigasss-
Whose cigars did you RECKON I'd
smoker Didn't spose. did yer. dat
ask perI1ishun ter smoke my owe
cigazss"-zssos Siflinga
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

He was seated across the ROOM
sHarry.~ she said. III fire were 70 break
out suddenly in the house what would be
your first impulse. do you thinkrN Well
my first thought would for you, Of course
would get you 70 place Of safety, and
then do what / could 70 exting nish the
flames" That would be very nice Of you
Harry, 70 think Of me frss; but II trt
were to break out now. for instance
wouldn't yon lose valuable tine reaching
ne from way across the roonr
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

A Montreal doctor who had an account
with Job printer agreed 70 take his pay
in work. After he had had all the print
irr done that he needed there still re
NAMED q balance and As his wife was
very sick he decided 10 have some blank
funeral notices struck OF with her name
Oh them. de locked them in his desk. his
wife GOT well and found them. and Low
abe talks Of getting divorce
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

s'vhat pretty children you have" said
the new minister to the proud mother Of
three little ones. ..Ah- my little dear 4
said he. as he took a girl Of five on his
Lar. ..are you the Oldest Of the familyt''
..No. ma'ar.'' responded the little miss
with the usual accuracy Of childhood. ny
pas cidern me-
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

a thaf 81 any man or woman af1icted With
disease or arrangement Of the LIVER, result
ing IN poisonous aocumulstons IN the blood;
scrctulous affections. sick-hcacachcs, And
diseases Of the kidneys, lungs Or heart
These troubles can be cured only ~ gong
70 the primary cause and putting tae LIVER
result speedily and e6ectua.ly nothing has
proved itself 50 eftcacl0us - DR.. Plerce'1
sGolden Medical Discovery" which hAz
never failed 70 DO tbs work claimed Tor II
and never Will
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

United STATES SENATOR BLAcKHrRx ssys
Red Star Cough Cure = safe and rs-AADs "
Prico twenty-five ccrts bottle
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10
ELrs
REAMBALM

luss esrpS 1.fwv
~ sscosd bctsis ~
~ crram Balm
- e<As4ss~j. Iras
srcsslled IA ehrosi<
sassr-A, ga:Aevingir
hssd, difficulty &
brufA<a0 and d.
charges from ~
carr. C. y. Cor!<a,
e27 CAes1Hvs Sfror ,
Phzodd fAsa
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

ConP1xxroxAL Detects ars redsesesd NO.
Hair and Whsksr Dye Black Or Brown &c
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

A car 1oAr & always dangerous vhsn
oQuallA -Lossu CGlAes-
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

II Afflicted With Sore Eyes use DR.: haaf
Thompson's Eye Water. Druggists ssl y -
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

.wHEx two prgilists step into ths ring
wha: KIND OF . musical composition ars
they going 20 performf" inquired one trsvs
cling man Of another '-Giye q upAs -
knock turn,~ was the reply.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

Tor O000
Ma n. A. Dauphin. Of Philadelphia, -
vel known 70 the ladies' Of that city from
the great good she has done By means OF
LYDIA T. Psnkhan's Vegetable Compound.
she writes Nrs- Pinkhan Of recent IN
terestiag case "A young marrcd lazy
cane 70 me suffering with severe case OF
Prolapsus and liberation She commenced
taking the Compound and IN two months
was fu1y rssorsd- In proof Of this she soon
found herself in an interesting condition
Influenced BY foolish friends she attempted
70 eyadc the responsibilities Of maternity
Af.er ten or twelve days she came 70 me
again and she was indeed In a most alarm
ing state and suffered terribly gave he'
: tablespoonful Ct the compound every
hour for eight hours until she fell asleep
she awoke much relieved and evidentl.
better. She continued taking the Com
pound, and in due season she became tns
mother Of q fine healthy boy. But for th'
timely use Of the medicine she believes ne
lie would have been lost
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

war en- b more disagrecable, more
disxus,ing. than % sit IN : RON With pr
90 who u troub.et with catarrh, ana -
70 keep coughing and clearing ~ of 80
such persons are always - - pif1cd Y toey
~ u cure themselves and faA. But toc{
gst DR.. 6ags's Catarrh Remedy ensrs neso
- 10 failure.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

Wnsr = butter IKE Irish chadrsni WIZ
Il u made into httls pats--I y. zNyra'A
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-12-10

WE would be pleased 70 know OF man
or woman who has never had headache or
been subject 70 constipation A these
seem 70 Be universal troubles little adj ice
may be in order. Why. should persons
gafiye pills. ETC. which sicken and debili-
tate when such pleasant and sterling
remedy as Prlckly Ash Bitters will act
mildly and effectively on the liver. kidney.
stomach and bowels. and ~ the same time
tone up and strengthen The whole system.
sucn distressing evils 70 quickly disappear.
Arrs i The only thing .has has its tow1
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09
What TO Teach Our Daughters.

At social gathering some one pro-
posed this question: ''What shall ]
teach my daughter 2" The following
replies were handed in:
Teach her that 10 cents max e dollar
Teach her to arrange the parlor and
the library.
Teach her to say ''No," and mean 1t,
or eyes, and stick to it.
Teach her how to wear calico dress,
and to wear it like queen.
Teach her how to sew on buttons,
darn stockings, and mend gloves.
Teach her to dress for health and
comfort as well as for appearance.
each her to cultivate flowers and to
keep the kitchen garden
Teach her to make the neatest room
in the house.
Teach her to have nothing to do with
Incorporate or dissolutc young men.
Teach her that tight lacing Is un-
comelv as well as injurlou to health.
Teach her TO regard the morals and
habits, and not money in selecting her
associates.
Teach her to observe the old rule: IA
place for everything and everything in
Its place"
Teach her that music, drawing and
painting are real accomplishments in the
home, and are not to be neglected II
there be time and money for their use.
Teach her the important truism
''That the more she lives within her in.
come the more she Will save, and the
further she will get away from the poor
house"
Teach her that good, steady church
going mechanic. farmer, clerk, or teacher
without cent is worth more than forty
loafers or non producers in brOadcloth
Teach her to embrace every opportu
nifty for reading. and TO Sc ect sucl
books as will give ler the most usetu
and practical information in order Il
make the best progress in earlier a
we'll as later home d school life.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09
1T WAS HER HUSBAND.
A Wife Who Thought Herself Too Lit :
erary for Him.
(From the Youths Companion.)

FROM the 1OutnS s companion
1t is amusing and sometimes disgust
ing to hear some women talk of rela-
tives or friends as not being ''con-
genial A wife who makes such q
declaration about her husbund shows
not only poor taste, but a lack of dis
cretion and good sense, that is OmlnOus
for the future. The degree of con-
geniality is never increased by such un-
wifely indiscretions.
''My husbands a real good man, a
provider, stiddy as clock, and all that,
but in some things we amt bit con
genial" said a garrulous woman to
friend.
Upon what do you disagree ?" was
asked.
"'Well, mostly about our reading"
''Why, how so ~
"Well, the fact is, I'm too literary
for John"
''Indeed ~
eyes, John mt bit literary. Now
l always did Iun to literaryness. just
believe | could write"
"Did you ever try p
s'Yes; | wrote two or hrec poems.
They rhyme right straight through.
But John he just laughs at me. He
says a woman with four children and
only poor carpenter for a husband
amt got time to write poetry or be lit
erary. There isn't the first literary
streak in that man. Now, I'm the
greatest reader"
docs your husband dislike books 2"
''Oh, he likes to read the papers and
says he thinks it his duty as voter to
keep informed in politics; and he reads
about the labor question and he's
some old histories and a book called
Nacaulavs Essays that he's forever
Hading But when it comes to literary,
John amt there"
''What do you read Y'
"Oh, read every scrap of poetry in
the newspapers | can pick up, and /
often have four novels on hand at a
time. I'm reading one now called
Millicent the Mad, Mad Maid of the
Mist, and l take four splendid story
papers and borrow two more. s'pOse
mebbe I'd be happier if l wasn't SO lit
erary, but l can't help it.
"And, of course, John can't appre.
ciate my tastes and my kind of reading.
He amt literary enough for it. And so
we amt bit congenial. And | some
times think it would of been better for
John if he'd married a woman less lit
erary than me. It's dreadful to be so
literary when your husband amt a bit
that way"
Yes-dreadful for the husband.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09
Advertising Rates
TIE WIFE'S CHOICE.

In far-ofr famous land, in days long gone,
Before the wise, good Rabbi Simeon.
childless couple sorrowfully came.
And, neither on the other casting blame,
Begged that the rabbi grant them decree
Divorcing them forthwith, perpetually
Since seven unfruitful years had come anC
fed,
And found a ehildless home, barren bed
Ihe Renewed rabbi read in each pale face
The wish to save the other from disgrace;
Then barred his head, and ss d in accents mild
Sad is the home wherein no voice of child
hakes glad the two-fold heart with pride and
joy;
let, that malicious tongues may not annoy
With whispered evil motive, secret sin,
Before you separate, single lives begin,
Invite your friends, from greatest to the least
And be your supper a marriage feast,
10 show you part as friends, and part in sor-
Then viii grant your wish upon the NOR
row."
Well pleased, they take his counsel. and pre-
pare
- lodst, dIlu call tDelf 10 snare.
Then spake the husband to his childless wife,
We part not now in anger, hate or strife;
And, as pledge that this is really so,
Take what you like best with you when you
60"
She smiled, and promised him choice to
make,
And ever treasure it for old-times' sake.
Ihe guests were gone, save only six at most
BY the good cheer vanquished, when at last the
host
Himself succumbed. The willy wife then bade
That he be to her fathers house conveyed.
The morning came, and from his stupor free,
He woke, and gazed around him wonderingly.
Then said his wife, who stopped and touched
his breast,
NOf all your household have chosen the best;
I'M death divorces never shall we part !"
AND, rising up, he pressed her to his heart.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09
A Rich Cargo.

A practical result of The French inva-
sion of Anam has just come to hand IN
the shape of mass Of gold and lver
treasure captured at Hue. The whole
amount is contained in 1872 boxes of ST.
yer aud fourteen of gold. This rich car
60, which altogether weighs over 90, 900
pounds, has come over to France by
steamer. 1t was slowed in the bottom
of the hold and covered over with 800
tons of merchandise This was only a
trifing part of the precautions which
had to be taken. Every opening that
could communicate with the hold was
Closed and sealed. The cargo was un-
loaded with the greatest care, and men
with swords and loaded revolvers stood
bv till the last box was removed Tue
treasure was then put into the train and
dispatched to the minister of Finance at
Paris. The treasure amounts to 5 500,
600, and will be applied to alleviating
the deficit in the BUDGET
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09
A Thrilling Scene.
A LITTLE STAMPEDE IN A MIDNIGHT
THUNDERSTORM.

THUNDERSTORM.
The most thrilling incident in the
life of the cowboy occurs on the occa-
sion of thunder storm at night. Such
an occurrence is thus described from
personal observation by Mr.. William A.
Baillie Grohman, an Eng ish writer:
''On the approach of one of these vlo-
lent outbursts the whole force is ordered
on duty; the spare hoEses-of which
each man has always three, and often
as many as eight or ten-aie carefully
fed and tethered and the herd is
rounded up, that is, collected into as
small space as possible, while the men
continue to ride around the densely
massed herd. Like horses, cattle de-
rive courage from the close proximity
of man The thunder peals, and the
vivid lightning flashes with amazing
briliiancy, as with lowered heads the
herd eagerly wa ch the slow, steady
pace of the cow-ponies, and no doubt
derive from 1t a comforting sense of pro
lection. Sometimes, however, wild
steer vii be unable to control his ter.
ror, and will make a dash through a
convenient opening. The crisis is at
hand, for the example will surely be
followed, and in two minutes the whole
herd OF four thousand head will have
broken through the line of horsemen
and be away, one surging, believing
mass of terrified beasts. Fancy pitch
dark night, pouring torrent of rain,
the ground not only entirely strange to
the men, but very broken, and full OF
dangerous steep water courses and hol-
lows, and you will have a picture of
boy duty on such night They
must head the leaders. Once fairly
oil, they will stampede twenty, thirty,
and even forty miles at a. stretch, and
many branches will stray from the main
herd. Not alone the reck less riding,
rushing headong at breakneck ace
over dangerous ground in dense dark
ness, but also the horses, small, insig
nificant beast but matchless for hardy
endurance and willingness, and perfect
ly aware how much depends upon their
speed that night, if it kills them. In
used till the last moment remains the
heavy cOwhide Fyuitt, o whip, and the
powerful spurs with rowe the size of
five shilling pieces. Urged on by a
shout, the horses speed alongside the
terrified steers until they manage to
reach the leader. when, swinging
around, and fearless of horns, they
press back the believing brutes till
they turn them All the men pursuing
this manpuvre, the headlong rush is at
last checked, and the leaders, painting
and lashing their aides with their tails,
are brought to "a stand and the whole
herd is again rounded up" "
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09

According TO the latest returns pub
lished by the Minister of Agriculture, it
appears that the chestnut tree is culti-
waited in every provin, of Italy, except.
ing eleven-that is 10 say, it is cultivated
in tilty-six provinces; and that out of
the ;. 351 communes in Italy, it is culti-
waited in 1.3I3. The chestnut is cult
waited on the most extensive scale in
Hguria. and on the least in Sardinia.
The total production throughout the
kingdom OF fresh chcstuuts is 39l' ;"3
tons annually. \ considerable quantity
of chestnut, is exported to France, Aus
tria. Egypt, switzerland and south Amer.
lea: while on the other hand, a very in
significant quantity is imported FROM
France, Austria, and Switzerland.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09
Goose Hunting in Dakota.

A goose-hunting expedition in this
region requires extensive paraphernalia,
says a Dakota correspondent of the Phil
adelphia Telegraph. There are no roomy
farm houses on the plains in which one
may spend the night. Hunters must,
therefore, take with them tent for COW
ering, blankets for beds, wood to burn
flor a the wood here is hauled long dis
tances from the Missouri bottom), pro-
visions, and drink. This is an alkali
country, and if you find house that has
we'll the chances are the water is too
full of alkali to be drinkable. We looked
when we started like party of emf
grants in search of new home. Cne
large wagon, drawn by pair of mules,
was piled high with camp outfit, pro-
visions, ETC., and surmounted by two
crates containing dozen tanned wild
gee e-our decoys. In another wagon
we rode, with guns and other light az
ticles.
A hunters conc eament in a goose pit
is very perfect, un ess the birds fly so
high that they can look directly into it.
To deceive even the high flyers we wore
hats the tops of which consisted OF the
backs and heads of stuffed wild geese.
With this equipment we merely added
to the number of our decoys as we turned
our heads from side to side. While
hiding in pit affords almost perfect
concealmc mt, the situation is not lux
urious one for the hunter. The wind
drifts the soft black dirt upon him, the
morning air is apt to chill him, and his
quarters are so cramped that, even with
a board to sit on, he may tle glad when
the fight is over for the t me being:
Before sunrise a great many Locks of
geese had passed moth in sight of us.
I'll ing the air with their cries, but we
were evidently not in tn If line Of flight.
Our decoys. with gooselike treachery,
called loudly to entice their fellows
within range of ou guns, Tut only one
flock gave us call, and that so wide
one that we got but two of them.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09
AN EXCELLENT DISGUISE.

Restaurant proprietor Ito chef)-I'm
afraid you have put 3 little too much
veal in this chicken salad, Napoleon.
Chef--It's all veal, sir. Shall put in
a little chicken2
Restaurant proprietor.-No, certainly
| not. Put some feathers, and if any
guest says ''veal' to me, I'll ask him if
he ever saw calf with wings.--LJo.
THEY WERE TALKING OF THE BABY.
Visitor-I think he'll take after his
father
Grandmother-Oh dear me! hope
not.
Visitor (astonished)-Why not, Mrs.
Flighty2
Grandmother-Hi father is in Cana
da.-LeUeU G tizen.
KIND-HEARTED.
He: Your tennis-net is still out I see,
Miss Crash
SHE: Yes. It's awfullv late in the
season too; but papa has had such a
good time falling over it all summer,
when he comes home late, that l cant
bear to deprive him of the pleasure.
It'd Bits.
INDIRECT APPLICATION.
Patrick, you told me you needed the
alcohol to clean the mirrors with, and
here find you drinking it.
Faix, mum, it's a drinking it and
brathin' on the glass Dim a-doln'.-LJe.
ODDS AND ENDS.
YES, sLEwED is the past tense of
s'loon.
No MAN can serve two masters" I'M
less he is a low-down politician and
both masters have money,
Chow MANY women marry a good,
sensible man +" asks Kate Field Only
one, if the man can help it.
WAITER, is this an old or new
herring that you brought me ?' ''Cant
you tell % No" 'SWell, then what
difference does it make r
''SEE here, Tom, i looks as if you
were trying to cultivate the Widow Bal,
stead" ''Well. Charlie, to tell the
truth, am trying to rid her OF weeds. ="
A COMPETENT authority states that
the men spend more money for hats
than the women spend for bonnets.
Well, perhaps that's so, especially right
Al bought you were a vegetar-
ian, and now l see you eating muttonH'
B. 80 Veil, 1 am only an indirect vege-
tarian-I eat the meat of such animals
only as live on vegetable food"
UMPIRE and Mrs. Puest will winter
in Detroit leads US to desperation,
and we despairingly announce that
"Bookkeeper and Mrs. Jones will spring
in Kalamazoo"
A CORRESPONDENT wishes to know
chow to get rid of fool" Procure
loaded gun, put your mouth over he
muzzIe and touch the trigger with your
toe. The bullet should be swallowed
whole.
SCRAP of conversation between two
ladies, overheard on suburban train, a
few mornings ago: $50 George is at
Harvard now % ''Oh, yes; this is his
second year, you know; he has just en-
tered the sycamore class.
''DID you gain flesh by going to the
beach this year, Grantly z" l did, in.
deed, Brownly; gained 125 pounds.
''Pshaw i! Impossible !" ''Fact, my
dear fellow Come up to the house and
I'll introduce you to her. We were
married last Sunday"
How MUCH younger is Sarah than
Elizabeth p asked caller, of the mother.
-Four years, was the reply. Then
Sarah Immediately fell to wailing.
'You said as much as four years ago
that | was four years younger" she
sobbed, land if I haven't got any older
l think it's pretty queer"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09
The Two Biggars.

The well-know Irish NJ. P, Mr.. Big
gar, is a pig -jobber as well, and very
good business, too. Well, on one occa
sion his father took a fancy to some o
his hogs, and, asking the price, haC
them driven to his home.
in due course Biggar, the younger,
sent the bill to Biggar, the elder, wh'
took no notice of it. In duer cours'
the former sued the latter, and, no no
tice being taken thereof, Judgment by
default
In due course the NJ P. was dining
with his father, when in came myrml
don of the law with an execution.
"But it's for your pigs; tell the mar
to 90 away"
-''No, no, father" replied the son
1.-THE matters out Of my hands, and
you choose to let your furniture be ia
ken. cannot help it,
Then the old man shelled out.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09

Two young men of Iona, Mich, weIe
playing with rifle in barroom. One
put lemon on hls head and the other
aimed at it. He pulled the trigger
quite unintentionally, the gun was dis
charged, the bullet Knocked the lemon
into fragments, and the young men were
nearly sea ed ont OF their wits at the I'M
eXl ted conclusion of their fun.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09
A BATCH OF STRAY JOKES
GATHERED IN FROM ALL QUAR-
TERs FOR ONE TO SMILE OVER.
IL Was for Her snke-The Secret was ont
and Thus They Meta SOciaIistic Idea
She Wns a Naughty Girl-A Good Appe
tite-0dds and Ends, &c, &c.
SOCIALISTIC ITEM.

The colored population of Texas take
great deal of interest in Socialism,
but their ideas on the subject are little
mixed.
What am dis heah Socialism, any
how?" asked Jim Webster of Austin
Thornton, who is regarded by the
negroes as well posted in all such ques-
tions.
''Lemmy 'splain dat ar" replied
Thornton, assuming an attitude.
Yer see, eff we goes inter Sam John
sings saloon, and you orders two
drains, one for me an one for you, you
have to pay for 'em bofe; eff |, being a
Socialist, orders de whiskey, you has ter
pay; you amt no Socialist. Does yer
see?"
"But s'posin' Ise Socialist myself"
Den de barkeeper has ter pay for de
drinks"
''But s'posin' de barkeeper am So
cialistG'
Den we falls on him an jess pound
de life outer him, bekase somebody has
ter pay for de drinks. Does yer see2'-
Teas SittiRQS.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09
A FATHFRLY CARE.

Father of young hopeful Ito brother
Ned)-Ned, I'm going away and won't
be back for a month. wish you'd take
care of Johnny while Pm gone.
Brother Ned Well, l'll tackle the
job.
Father of Y. HI want you to be a
father to him while I'm gone
Brother Ned (thoughtfullyl - HIM.
Where do you keep the awhide2-Ritts-
6akj0 CKf0aiete. So
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09
A LETTER.

The train is about to start when a
stout old lady rushes on the platform,
all out of breath. The conductor seizes
her, pushes her in coupe, and the train
is off. Presently he returns and the lad Y
exclaims, "Oh, l only wanted to-
"All right, said the conductor. -"You
got on in time; that's the main thing"
eyes, but /" ''Your ticket, if YOU
please" ''But / have none I only
wanted to put this letter in the box. -
EZie0ende BL0tter.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-09

condition if possible, that starving
women may once more see the light and
belief that there is just God, because
there are good and just men and women
In the world"