The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-09-21
WIT AND WISDOM.


Beggar-Please help the blind-please help
' Gentleman-Why, the last time saw you you
the the BATTLE 3 ftlIpp 81 Shiloh .'- ~ =
Beggar-I know it, sir; but there's no money in
the late war ANY has sde Il
They've overdid 1t, an people is gettin' tired
Please help the blind.
Thousands of ladies have found relief by the
use of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound,
the only remedy for diseases peculiar to females.
A reasonable suppostion-Yistor: Well, Jones
has paid the debt of nature.
Merchant: Why, when was he hung?
Visitor: Hung! What do you mean? He died
Merchant: Oh. supposed that nature must
have gotten her debt as the rest OF us always ala
by execution.
Lydia E. Pinkhams Vegetable Compound, the
great medicine for the cure of all female COM
plants, is pleasant to take and eficacious.
The first coroner's verdict record in YCii
MY I've find that the deceased fell from the mast
head and was killed; he rolled overheard and
was drowned; he foated ashore and froze to
death and the rats eat him up alive"
EIy's Cream Balm was recommehuea 10
me by my druggist as preventive 10 nay leVer:
Have been using it as directed since the 9th OF
August, and have found it specific for that mucn
dreaded and loathsome disease. For ten years
or more have been a great sufferer each year,
from August 9th till FROST and have tried many
alleged remedies for its cure, but Ely's Cream
Balm is the only preventive have ever found.
Hay Fever sufferers ought to know OF It's ELL
cacy, 4. b. AlNo"ohiH'
OfF.B. AINSWORTH g. CO., Publishers,
Indianapolis, Ind.
Il dash OFF those little things every once IN a
WHILE" said Smith, after perpetratingan atrocious
contagious, amt it?"
81 haven't remarked it,"
"Weil, Inotice your friends generally dash off
when you begin. Good morning"
Always avoid harsh, purgative pills. They first
make you sick and then leave you constipated.
Carriers Little Liver Pills regulate the bowels
and make you well. Dose, one pill.
A celebrated lawyer who was also well known
for the monumental responsiveness Of bis features,
once attacked the prisoner at the bar Win great
bitterness. The judge advised HIM several LILIES
to use more moderation; but the lawyer cont nun
ued his TRADE: 1.-THE wretch bears MS character Yer
in his face-anyone may read It Why, nes . sde
Interrupted the Judge "you are forgetting your
self"
If you are nervous or dyspeptic try Carriers Lit
tie Nerve Pills. Dyspepsia makes you nervous
and nervousness makes you dysyeptic; either one
renders you miserable and these little pills Will
cure both
Buzzer-I understand Jones Is rather high
toned since he returned from Europe
Fuzzer-Well, he is a little stiff.
Buzzer-He has gone out OF business, too, hasn't
he?
Fuzzer-Yes believe he has retired
Buzzer-By the way, where is he living?
Fuzzer-Living? He isn't living He's IN the
cemetery.
Vegetine is the king of cures for lameness and
weakness peculiar to women. 1t always gives
relief.
Client (from Boston, moves in railroad circlesl
Well our case is lost. expected as much. But
think sir, il you had used little less badinage
and persifiage the jury would have seen the case
in different light.
Lawyer Ia great light in Arkansas)-What do
Won mean. sir? used nothing of the kind you
refer to- / want you to understand that | took 3il
nothing but first class whiskey from our own as
tillery private brand