Smyrna times., 1886-06-16
Sharp, Short and Sunny.

1t IL better to kno less, than to knO
so much that aint sO.-JOsh Billings.
Anarchists in New Haven are sub
scribing to pay Herr Most's fine of $500.
No, breath OF the time that has been hovers
In the air nov soft with a summer 70 be.
"A. c. SwtnbOurne.
Potatoes were introduced into Eng
land in 1900 and eaten stewed in sack
wine and sugar.
A collector of curiosities wants to
get the original brush with which the
signs of the times were painted.
The country is now spending more
than 81 100000 year on baseball. 1t
comes high, but we must have it.
Jay Gould's income is said to be 10
cents every time the clock ticks. This
beats the best patrOnized dime museum.
There are 400 known ways in which
a horse can be unsOund, and yet when
you buy one you will find way not
catalOgued.
The telescope of the great Lick OBJ
servatory draws the moon so close that
you can read the advertisements on
the board fences.
A liquor firm offered $4,000 for a
license to sell liquor at Monticello, ILL.,,
for year, and was refused, as the Pro-
hibitionists rule.
Ben Butler says there will be NO
political issues in 1883, and the next
Presidential campaign will simply be a
scramble for Office.
By immersing the entire body in soft
tar before taking Il bee-tree, YOU can
render yourself invulnerable to the
assaults of the bees.
1t is whispered that in Iowa they
utilize their cyclone cellars between
storms for the storage of whiskey and
other unlawful drinks.
In Paris the city owns the street
cars. They do these things better
abroad. Here in America usually the
street cars own the city.
A cave large enough to accommodate
all the citizens of the town is to be dug
at Clifton, Dakota. 1t is designed as a
safeguard from cyclones.
Mrs. Gladstone has full confidence
in her husbands ability to beat the
Tories in the fall if she can only get
him to take rest enough during the
summer.
The Lower House of the Austrian
Reichsrath has adopted bill abrogat-
ing the right of trial by jury for two
years the cases of persons under indict-
ment for anarchy.
The Irish World has received this
week $1,140.70, making the total
amount received up to date in aid of
the famine-stricken people on the west
coast of Ireland 81, 1,231.77.
Miss Miller danced herself to death.
She lived at Genesse, Montana. She
went to ball, danced all night and
went home to bed, where, the follow
ing day, she was found dead.
The strawberry is boycotted on the
Pacific coast because it is picked by
Cinnamon. What if the Cinnamon
should take to making whiskey ?
Would that be boycOtted too?
The Prince and Princess of Wales
will on June 28th lay the cornerstone
OF the great Peoples Palace in East
London. The sWm of S375.OOO has
been raised to begin the building.
" Yes, 1 believe in the eight-hour
SYSTEM" said farmer Il work eight
hours in the forenoon and eight in the
afternoon. In haying time l some
times put in an hour or two extra"
The President is seriously contem.
plating the construction of Il bower
upon the Fair ROsamond plan within
which he can conceal frankie from the
gaze of inquisitive Washingtonians.
A revival is anticipated in Grant
Monument enthusiasm, and it is time
Nearly year has rolled by, and not 4
quarter of the sum has been fort hcom.
ing of what was originally called for
A young man who was admitted tc
the Poughkeepsie bar three years ACC
has just secured his first case, He ha.
sued his washer woman, who won't re-
turn his linen because he owes an old
bill
Never say woman can't keep a st.
cret -Four Of the wives of Cabinet
members knew of the Presi lents en-
gagement since January 1st. It was a
man who finally let the cat out of the
bag.
The Irish Protestants or Orangeme
are acting very badly, and not sustain.
lu5 their former record for peaceful
ness. They have been riotous at Bel.
fast and the soldiers have had tn shont
some of them.
Mr. GladstOne's speech in CLOSING
the Home Rule debate was one of un-
rivalled eloquence and power. but did
not change a single vote. The English
constituencies will read it. Votes will
be changed there
Dan Lamont handed DR.. Sunderland
a brand new 500 bill for a wedding
fee, and he turned it over to Mrs. Sun.
derland, who will preserve it as a me.
mento-until she wants to use it in
buying a seal skin sacque.
On the Isthmus of Panama the nee.
pie are paying a dollar and a hal
piece for tough hens, when they car
eat rubber shoes for ninety cents a pair
The canal will never be completed a.
the people are SO extravagant.
The President and Dan Lamont vii
both be happier men now that tn,
former is married, for Dan will neye
again run the risk of iabbing a needl,
into his best thumb while helpin,
Cover to stitch a gallus button on.
The average importation of horse
from Canada into the United States fo
some years past has been about %. .OOl
head. A few years ago the averae,
S value per head-Of horses SO. importee
was S95, whereas last year it was $40
Professor Bell, of telephone fame i
about to take out patent for an in
vention by which water can be mad
to report a conversation taking plae,
in its presence. Any one investing il
this scheme would always be liable I,
the imputatiOn of holding watere,
stock.
An End TO Bone Scraping.
Of SON