davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1886-12-21

Uncle Billy Latham, an aged cololed
man who claims to be able to ~foretell
the weather for several months ahead.
was asked yesterday as he was wander
ing around the market if ii was to be Il
hard or a soft winter.
Am you in de poultry businesss" he
queried in return.
No"
IF You war you'd want stiddy cool
weather, of co'se. so de poultry wouldn't
spile- Am you sellin' umbrellas"
NO"
"lf you war you'd want a soft winter
wifi rain bout free times a week"
We'll, how will it bey"
"Bein' rs you hain't got no ticker in
terest in de matter your question am de
clared outer order an de meetin' am
adjourned. replied the old mar as he
moved on.-Detroit Free Press.
, 1886-12-21
THE COMMON LOT.

A LITTLE more Tor you, a wider space
In which 70 tread, a longer stretch Of seas
And higher hills, perhaps a ripper grace
To hear earth's finer harmonies,
Upon your brow a grateful wreath OF bays,
More smiling faces, outstretched hands to
greet.
A brighter giow'of sun through all your days.
And fewer carking cares perchance TO meet.
And yet, by widely different paths, Mt last
To meet upon the same unsmling plain,
Our LITTLE joys and griefs alike to cast,
Before the door We enter not again;
Where Death, tho silent warder Of the lowly door,
Has not for prince than pauIer one word more.
Literary Life.
, 1886-12-21

Ben: Perley Poore says in his recent
book hat Mr.. Stephens, in a memorable
encounter with Judge Cone, was perma-
nently disabled. He states that "a sur
gical examination showed that one of
Cones knife stabs had penetrated to
within less han the sixteenth of an inch
of his heart. while his right hand was
SO mangled that he was never afterward
able to write. " This is not a fact. That
good right hand was badly mangled, but
not permanently hurt so as to prevent
the Use of a pen. The writer received at
least a peck of letters from Mr.. Stephens,
written by his own hand, and this was
the experience of many other persons.
We have seen him write thousands of
times, and although his chirograplly
was the terror of printers and correspond
ents it was not any worse than that of
numerous statesmen who never had been
injured at all.-Augusta (Ga.) Chronicle.
, 1886-12-21

Nervous Debility, Seminal Weakness,
Exhausted Vitality, Lost Manhood, and
all the terrible effects Of self abuse and
excuses in maturer years, such as noe.
turnal emissions, loss of memory, dimness
of vision, aversion to society, the vital
fluid passing unobserved in the urine and
other symptoms that lead to insanity and
death. Yang and Middle Aged Men
suffering from the above should consult us
at once. Cure guaranteed IN all such
cases. CONSTELLATION FREE.
Chemical analysis, including thorough
microscopic examinations of the urine, 50.
An honest opinion given in all cases. We
furnish The Great English Remedy, Sir
Asdey Coopcr's Vital Restorative, at 80 a
bottle, or four times the quantity $40
SAMPLE BOTTLE FREE
to anyone stating symptoms, sex and age.
Address English Medical Dispensayg, No.
II kearny 81, San Francisco, CHA.
, 1886-12-21

Captain Mitchell, Of the bark Antoine
Sala, New York and Havana trade, came
home in May entirely helpless with rheu-
matism. lie went to the mountains, but
receiving no benefit, at his wife's request
began to take Hoods Sarsaparilla. He
Immediately began to improve; in two
months his rheumatism was all gone. and
he sailed in command OF his vessel a well
man. Hoods S%arsaparilla will help you.
Sold BY all druggists.
, 1886-12-21
COMMON SENSE
XMAS PRESENTS

Persons. in thinking over what they
shall buy for Christmas presents, should
bear in mind that there is nothing that
would be more sensible. or better appre
ciatcd 10y man or boy, than some article of
wearing apparel \ suit of clothes, over.
coat. shoes. or II hat from II mother or
father to a -,n would be- ever appreciated,
or Il dressing Gown silk hnndkerchieis,
neck wcar or gloves from II young Lady to
her brother or sweetheart, would be very
appropriate. W. have all these things
ready for your order
Our system al filling orders by mail is
So perfect that non resident patrons can
trade with us 10y letter as satisfactorily as
il in person. Goods sent G. o. d. subject
to examination before taking from express
office.
We have every Kind of worn
by the male sex Men suits, boy : suits,
mems and boys hats, shoes, underwear.
and all kinds oil furnishings, while our
prices are invariably the lowest.
Catalogue of styles aud prices sent free
ON application. Our rules Of sell measure
mcnt, i fobeycd, will insure perfect fits.
, 1886-12-21

A neighbours boy-he lived four miles
away through the woods-came occa-
s~ionally to show me some new plan for
a trap OF snare or to conduct me TO some
strange nest he had found. He was II
genius almost. l say almost; he lacked
something, just the smallest something.
in his mental make up and so was slight
ly unbalanced. Ben was his name, and
Ben was known far and near as the
owl" on account of his nocturnal wan
behring's. He was truly a strange fellow.
He could not read, but nothing so pleased
him rs to listen to me MS | read aloud to
him some story or poem. Scott's Lady
of the Lake and 'Rokeby" delighted
him to such Il degree that l had to read
them over and over for him. His ambi-
ton at times was to become a great rob
Der or pirate, and ut other times he ON
t%emplated being II shoemaker.
He always had some new scheme in
his head when he came to visit me.
Once it was to run away and go to Texas,
and when | refused to join him he pro-
posed a swim on the river from the
ferry to the fish Weir, a full mile. and
we both came near being drowned in the
rapids. All the mountain forests were
full of chestnut trees, and late in each
autumn bushels of the brown. sweet nuts
were gathered on the valley slopes and
carefully stored for winter use; but boys
We're not the only busy gatherers of this
precious crop. The squirrels and the
woodpeckers got their full share. Ben
told me of a mean trick he played on an
industrious old squirrel. He watched
the animal and fonud out where it was
storing its chestnuts in the hollow of a
sweet gum tree; then he patiently waited
till the work vas all done after which
he helped himself to the treasure. Some
how thought less Of Ben ever after
Mnl1ricn Thnmnsnn
, 1886-12-21

Men ana Wonsep In LIES Prime
Who rise unrefreshed, feel languid thro-
the day, have little appetite, and whose
faces exhibit a sallow tint, are on the short
route to the grave. Unless they can effect
n radical change in their condition they
will not reach old age. Inauguration is
the only means OF their physical salvation.
Upon Hostctter's Stomach Bittcrs they
can rely to furnish them with the stamina
which is a prerequisite of health, and to
remove that prime cause Of continued
debility, Indigestion and assimilation
of the food. We class these causes as
one, since they are Joint functions OF one
organ, the stomach, chiefly. Built up and
rchabilitated with this superb restorative
of vigor, the system may bid defiance to
malaria, rheumatism, bladder and kidney
diseases, and other maladies prone to
attack the cnfccbled. The Bitters not
only afford n safeguard AGAINST disease Of
v%irulcnt type, but cffccts n prompt reform
in the condition of n drowsy or disordcred
liver and irregular bowels.
Mill. ..... Na,..o. - ..I.. Az.
, 1886-12-21
m

N q an established fact that Hoods Sar-
saparilla has proven an invaluable remedy
in MANY severe cases Of rheumatism, effect
ing remarkable cures by its powerful action
in correcting the acidity Of the blood. which
is tho cause Of the disease, and purifying
and enriching the vital fluid.
1t Is certainly fair to assume that what
Hoods S%arsaparilla has done for others 1t
will do for you. Therefore, IL you suner
the pains and aches OF rheumatism, give
this potent remedy a fair trial.
"A Positive Cure.
~ was troubled very much with rheuma-
tism In my hips. ankles, and wrists. /
could hardly walk, and was confined to my
bed n good deal Of the time. Being rec
commended TO try Hoods S~arsaparilla, /
took four bottles and am perfectly well.
1 cheerfully recommend Hoods Sarsaparilla
as one Of the best blood purifiers in tho
world.nAw. +. WooD, bloomington III.
For Twenty Years
Ihaye been afflicted with rheumatism. Before
1888 1 found no relief, but grew worse. then
began taking Hoods Sarsaparllla. and 1t did
me more good than all the other medicine l
ever had" II. T. BALLOON, Shirley. Mass.
81 suffered from "nai tno uoetois eaIie"
muscular rheumatism. l took Hoods sar-
saparilla and am entirely cured.' .. v. A.
PRouprooT, letter carrier, Chicago, Ill.
We shall be glad to send, free of charge
to all who may desire, a book containing many
additional statements OF cures by
Hoods ~SarsapariIla
Bold by all druggists. 81 six for IS. Made
only by c. I. HOOD & Co, Lowell. Mass.
100 Doses One Dollar.
, 1886-12-21

The best salve in the world for cuts,
bruises. sores, ulcers, salt rheum, fever,
sores, letter, chapped hands, chilblains,
corns and all skin eruptions, and positively
cures piles, or no pay required. 1t is
guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction, OF
money refunded. Price % cents per box.
For sale by W. n. Hunt.
, 1886-12-21

Those who want pure Lake Mahpah-
lutah ice. should send their order to Sloan
\ Co. or call at Mauss' bakery. Seven
teenth street.
, 1886-12-21

M ONN or the good things Of this
W>NN~S life ARE sorrowfully let
alone on account Of Dyspepsia. hcker's
Dyspepsia Tablets will cure Dyspepsia,
Indigestion and Constipation; sold on a
positive guarantee at % and 90 cents, by
Pearse K McGil, Druggists.
, 1886-12-21
New Advertisements.
TO ADVERTISERS.

For a check of 800 VIC will print a l0.line
advertisement in one million issues of
leading American newspapers. This is at
the rate OF only onc-ffth of n cent a line,
for 900 circulation. Theladvertisement
will be placed before ono million different
purchasers, or fire m,Hion
redders. Address with copy of Adv. and
check or send 30 cents for book of $50
pages. GEO. p. ROWELL & co.. 10
Spruce 81 Nao York.
, 1886-12-21

V. S. Glafcke, the florist, telephone
No. Is. Artistic floral work a specially.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-10-16
Weight of Eggs.
Maryland Farmer.

Maryland Farmer.
We wish to place ourself on the
side of those who advocate the sale of
eggs by the pound instead of by the
dozen. We see no reason why a
business of such great magnitude, in
volving at least $1OO,00O,OOO should
not be regulated by law in a just
manner. That potatoes should be
sold by the pound is made imperative
but the crop of potatoes bears no COM
parison in value to the crop of eggs,
and there never has been so great a
difference between the measure of
potatoes and their weight, as there is
in eggs. That the purchaser should
pay just as much fora dozen eggs that
weigh only IS ounces, as he would
pay if they weighed % ounces, seems
unjust in the bare statement of it.
The law alone can regulate this.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-10-16

AS everything connected with "Our
Bob" interests the people now, the
following taken from the Knoxville
Tribune may not prove uninteresting
to our readers: Ellis father, the Rev.
N. G. Taylor ranks high among the
brilliant men of the State. While he
is a minister and has followed his call
ing for forty years he has never al
lowed his politics to conflict with his
duty as a divine. Before the war he
represented his district in Congress,
and at one time canvassed the State
as Wing elector and so forcibly and
eloquently did he espouse the cause
of his party, that it has become a por-
ton of the history of Tennessee, and
until this day the old men West of
the mountains and on the borders of
the Mississippi remember it and
speak of it as one of the grandest eff
forts at oratory in their recollection.
He also served one term in Congress
after the war.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-10-16
She Would Not Initiate Him.

When Mr.. Widgeon came home
last evening the first thing he said to
his esteemed wife was: "Mary, 1
have joined the Knights of Labor"
She glared at him with an express
sion that set his teeth on edge as she
cried:
GA Knight of Labor, Ell? You'll
make a sweet old Knight of Laborv
"Why, Mary, it's noble organiza-
ton, and,-"
eyes, 1 know it is, and now l sup
pose you'll be walking-delegate or
chairman of the committee on boy
cotting while am hustling around
in the back yard trying to rake up
enough wood to make fire! / know
you, Widgeon; in my minds eye
/ see you addressing large and en-
thusiastic audience and telling your
brethren in toll to shake off the giant
grasp of monopoly that is crushing
the life blood out of them; but you
don't tell them how your wife is down
in the cellar wrestling with a barrel
of apples or trying to plug up a hole
in the stove-pipe with a piece of car
pet. can imagine you filling the
air with eloquence about the horny
handed working man and an injury
to all being the concern of one; but l
can't fancy you mailing a few shingles
on the roof to keep the water from
soaking the flour barrels. want
you to understand, John Henry, that
you have joined enough orders al
ready; you are High Key Bearer of
the Knights of Gambrinus, Past
Grand Chieftain of the Royal Order
of Free Lunch Hunters, Supreme
Chancellor of the Ancient Order of
Dog Catchers, and / don't know what
else. | have seen you carrying BAN
ners and drilling and attending con-
ventions until my soul is weary; and
unless you stay at home and act as
Right Worthy Grand Coal Carrier
and Wood Sawyer, you will think
you are married to an equinoctial cy-
clone. Just drop that book Of consti-
tutions and bylaws and trot down to
the butchers for a few ribs, or there
will be dozen lodges in mourning
tomorrow, and something else will
be Grand Key Bearer"
And Mr.. Widgeon smiled in hus'
ky voice and Obeyed.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-10-16
True Meaning of Agriculture.

Cor Home and Farm.
How much more it means than is
commonly understood. Agriculture
according to the usually accepted
meaning of the word, signifies the
art of cultivating the soil. But how
few farms, even in old settlements,
will bear inspection. Look at the
ugly weeds, bushes, briers, stumps,
rough plowed ground, etc.
Suppose we have our farms thor
oughly cultivated before we plant,
wouldn't it be better? Scientific far
mers tell us so. But the work, per-
haps, will not suit all lands. This is
fact worth careful consideration, so
the farmer must study the nature of
his soil, various crops, etc., until he
finds those best suited to his land
We aretrying to work too much. We
ought to try less and increase the
quantity per acre, and the increase
will be our profit. 1t costs but little
more to cultivate the ground for a
crop of thirty bushels than it does for
one of ten bushels. BY this plan we
could keep our land in better cOndi-
ton.
Cheapness in obtaining a present
crop is not everything We should
have an eye to the future. If we take
away, without adding, the richest
land will very soon become the poor
est or greatly reduced. The farmer
who does this is like the man who
killed the goose that laid him gold
en- egg every day. He thought that
there must be many eggs in thegoose,
but there was of course only one, and
he found, when it was too late, that
he had destroyed the source of his
fortune in a most foolish and short
sighted manner. So will it always
be with the farmer who pursues q
like system. Tempted by the idea
of obtaining few crops with little
expense, he ruins his land for the flu
ture.
The good farmer then desires tC
grow large crops with the least neces
sary cost, but at the same time never
forgets that it is the best economy tC
keep his land in good condition, and
eyer improving. In order to accom-
plish this he must do something more
than merely pillow and harrow, sow
plant, and reap-he must think ant
study also.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-10-16
Bluebottle Detectives.

Sanitarium.
GA gentleman, makinga call at the
house of friend, was astonished to
find the rooms and passages in confu-
sion, and, oninquiring the cause, was
answered: 'Oh, we are very much
annoyed here; a rat has come to fin
ish his existence under the floor of
our large drawing room. We do not
know the exact place, but we cannot
endure the stencil any longer, so we
have removed the furniture, rolled
up the carpets and called in the car
penters, who are just beginning to
take up the floor
Now, don't be too hasty,' said the
visitor, you need not pull up more
than one board. | will show you
what l mean presently; and mean.
while, shut down the drawing room
windows and close the door,
He then stepped down into the gar
den, walked around to the horse sta.
bles and after a few minutes absence
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-10-16
When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria,
When she was Child, she cried for Castoria
When she became Miss, she chung to Castoria,
When she had Children, she gave them Castoris

Much satire has been extended up
on those who regard church-going as
an important christian duty. The
ridicule is somewhat misplaced. The
Christian whose religion is summed
up in church attendance, is, indeed, a
defective type; nevertheless, the old
fashioned duty of going to meeting is
duty still, and an important duty. 1t
is not purely for his own edification
that the intelligent Christian visits
the house of God, but quite as much
for the support, and encouragement,
and inspiration that may be impart-
ed to Others by his presence, and by
his participation in the worship.
And this is a service that can be rem
dered by many who feel themselves
incapable of teaching in the Sunday
school, or of testifyying in the prayer
room. Ifall those who have the pow
er would be faithful and conscientious
in their attendance upon the services
of the church, showing thus by theil
constant presence in its assemblies
their interests in its work and its wor
ship, many weary pastor would fine
his hands strengthened and hear
lightened.-W Washington GLADDEN..
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-10-16
Pure Cold Water.

John Cough.
Look at this, We thirsty ones of
earth! See its purity! How it gilt
tiers, as if glass of liquid gems! 1t
is a beverage brewed by the hand of
the Almighty himself. Not in the
simmering still or the smoking fire,
choked with poisonous gases and sur
rounded by the stencil Of sickening
odors doth our Father in Heaven
prepare the precious essence of life
pure, cold water; but in the green
glades, and messy dell, where the
red deer wanders and the child loves to
play there God breWs it; and down,
down the deep valleys, where the
fountains murmur and the rills sing;
high up in the mountain tops, where
the naked granite glitters like gold in
the sun, where storm-clouds brood
and the storm-clouds crash; and away
far out on the sea, where the hurri-
canes howl music and the big waves
roar the chorus-sweeping the march
Of God-there he brews it, that bever-
age of life-health-giving water.
And everywhere it is thing of
beauty; cleaning in the dew drop
singing in the summer rain-shining
in the ice gems, till the the trees all
seem turned into living jewels
spreading golden veil over the set
ting sun, or white gauze around the
midnight moon-sporting in the cat
aract, sleeping in the glaciers-danc-
ing in the hail shower-folding its
bright curtain about the windy world,
and weaving the many colored iris,
that seraph's zone of the sky-whose
warp is the raindrop of earth, whose
wool is the sunbeam of heaven, all
checkered over with the celestial
flowers, by the mystic hand of refrac-
tion-still always it is beautiful, that
blessed life-water! No poison bub,
bJes on its brink; its foam brings nc
sadness or murder; no blood stains
its limpid glass; broken-hearted
wives, pale widows and starving or
phans shed no tears in its depth; nc
drunkard's shrieking ghost from the
grave curses it in words of eterna
despair. Beautiful, pure, blessed ant
glorious! Give me forever thespark
ling, pure cold water.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-10-16
The Bible.

In Edward Lange's commentary is
the following eloquent tribute to the
Bible:
Viewed merely as literary pro-
ductiOn, the Bible is marvellous
book and without rival. All the
libraries of theology, philosophy, his
tory, antiquities, poetry, law and
policy would not furnish material
thought for so rich treasure of the
choisest gems of human genius, Wis
dom and experience. 1t embraces
the works of about forty authors,
representing the extremes of society,
from the king to the boat of the fish
man it was written during a long
period of sixteen centuries, on the
banks of the Nile, in the desert of
Arabia, in the land of promise, in
Asia Minor, in classical Greece and in
imperial Rome. 1t commences with
the creation and ends with the final
glorification, after describing all the
intervening stages in the revelation
of God and the spiritual development
of man. 1t uses all forms of literary
composition. 1t rises to the highest
heights, and descends to the lowest
depths of humanity. 1t measures all
states and conditions of life. 1t is &C
quainted with every grief and every
woe. 1t touches every cord of sympa
thy. 1t contains the spiritual bio
graphy of every human heart. it i,
suited to every class of society, ant
can be read with the same interes
and profit by the king and the beg
gar, by the philosopher and the chile
1t is as universal as the race, ant
reaches beyond the limits of timeint'
the boundless regions of eternity.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-10-16

came back to the drawing room with
both hands tightly clasped. Placing
himself in the center of the drawing
room he opens his hand and out flies
two large bluebottle flies and buzzed
around the room for second or two,
But presently one Of them alighted
on a certain plank Of the floor, and
was Immediately followed by the
other.
Now them said the visitor, raise
up that board andI'll engagethat the
dead rat will be found beneath it,
The carpenters applied their tools,
raised the board, and at once found
the cause of the unpleasant SMELL
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-10-16

BILE BEANSl What a funny name
for medicine! Nevertheless it is very
significant as applied to the article.
Bile, according to Webster, is ca yell
lowish bitter, viscid nausceous fluid,
secreted by the liver" Whenever the
liver does not act properly this fluid is
retained in the blood and poisons the
whole system, and sallowness and misery
is the result. SMITHS BILE BEANS
is a sure cure for biliousness and liver
complaint. Price, 25 cents per bottle.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-10-16
Save Your Life and Health.

Death, or what is worse, is the result
of the continued menstrual flow,
Save your life and restore your health
by using Branfield's Female Regula-
tor.
Treatise on "Health and Happi
ness of Woman" mailed free.
BRADFIELD REGULATOR Co.,
Atlanta, Ga.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-10-16

There is no reason why an attic
should be a rough-and-tumble place
of dirt and disorder. TO be sure, it is
thr asylum of disabled and unused
furniture and other belongings; but
it should be keptas nicely for its kind
as any room in the house-a place
where young and old may renew
their acquaintance with all the dear,
delightful, good-for-nothing old things
around which associations cluster.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-10-16

Chattanooga Times: We have not
heard that Col. Neal is in favor of
preventing the manufacture of iron
in the South, by law. We expect to
hear it, though. Such an assertion
would have as much foundation in
truth as has the one that he is a free
trader.