The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1886-01-09
GED HTu0R.

narrative} And then he said | was
! a iackass2 Miss kste-"And were
/ YOU 9''-HarDer's Bazar
| TIE Rev. Talmage' 5 text last Sunday
was. "Is the Young Man Absslom
! Saie2 Ourlatest dispatches are TO the
| effect that he got hurt IN a tree.-Chi-
| cago Tribune.
HosIEss-s'I hope you are enjoying
I yourself Mr.. Pusher (who cannot
remember where he has met the LADY,
oh, thank you, yes Very glad TO
see You again; meant TO have called
on YOU, but-er-I really forgot your
address. Lie.
HE-Are YOU fond Of reading &c
ton? She-Very. He-Arey you read
ing the serial, Sweet Birdie Simpson, 9
now running IN the Cross County Mag
azipe? She-Yes, and all the articles
on the late war. think they are de-
HgbtfuI.-The Sun.
A GENTLEMAN generous II his contri-
buttons for church purposes, but not
regular in his attendance upon public
worship, was wlttIy described by a
clergyman as being mot exactly a pil.
lar OF the church, but q kind of a fly
ing buttress, supporting It from the
outside. ."-BostO8 Journal
OLD GENT-"Five dollars What
do you want five dollars for - Tramp
u want il to make up my fare 10
Louisville" Got relatives Jhere7'
s'No-not exactly I hear they havea
whisky pool there, and / want TO be
on hand when it's opened 70 the pub
lie"
C0CNTRYdAS lin Harlem cigar storel
Gimme a good cigar. Proprietor
Aloud vat brice, my trent; two for a
cavo orter2 COuntryman-Nos two
for five. Proprietor-Do you want a
Madagascar filler und a Skaneateles
wrapper, or choosU a blain imborted2
Countryman-Plain imported Is good
'nough for me.-The Sun.
THEY were talking OF the downfall OF
/ the Ghruers, and OF Miss GItter's go
I ing out to teach music. "She's a real
nice girl, said the visitor, ''and sings
/ soprano lovely - Soprano, soprano"
repeated Mrs. Parvenu. Il don't
know as I've heard that song-Isn't
| II a new One2''-New York Mail
4 BOY on High Street, west, placed
a big apple on the front steps and
walked across the street to see who
would take 1t. a gentleman who had
observed the action said. You
shouldn't do that, my son. Some
poor bov may be tempted TO steal"
That's what I'm fsbingfor, sir. I've
! followed out the inside and filed 1t
with mustard
/ Miss GAsCOM-'aThe funeral was
/ lovely affair, don't you think? It was
! the most devotional occasion / ever
witnessed" -" Mrs Harland-''Iw wasn't
/ impressed N that way. Isaw no tears
shed. no emotion was Miss Gas
/ com" But the flowers, Mrs. Harland
/ Why, one OF the pyramids was five
/ eet high philadelphia Call.
TIE homely, old-fashioned lesson al
ways impressed on mems minds when
milliOnaires die was well put II the
/ conversation of two laboring men,
who met late yesterday afternoon
near the new federal building. as 1t
true that Vanderbilt is dead 2" asked
/ one Of them. YES, they say it's true.
/ How much do you suppose he left 2''
/ Everything he had. - Syracuse
/ STANDARD.
I AYoUNG lawyer, who had recently
/ been admitted 10 the bar Of San An
( tonic, came TO Judge NOOnan for ad-
I vice. 81 want TO ask your advice,
I Judge, about a very important mat
/ ter" well. what l. II, Timothy ?"
/ LAWYER Howl has been telling every
body that I am a donkey. Don't you
I think | ought TO fight him, or sue him
/ for damages 2'' you say be called
/ YOU a donkey ?" Eyes. . Then fight
Z him by all means. Il you sue him he
VIII prove II on you. ."-Texas SFtiDgs.
THERE is no end TO the funny things
that are seen and heard by the teach
/ ers II our public schools. One or two
/ anecdotes are told Us by a lady of
1 considerable experience n teaching
/ and a strong sense Of humor. II was
a question OF volcanoes, and one was
/ described as dormant" What Is
/ the meaning of dormant? Nobody
knows. Very well young ladies; look
/ It up IN your dictionaries" An eager
4 girl ID a remote corner Of the room
waves her hand. We'll, Miss Smith
son, what Is a dormant volcano ?''
( "A dormant volcano, sir, Is one that
| does not act 10 public
/ ONE OF the most ludiCrous lapsus
/ lingue that We have run across lately
was committed by Mr.. Hubbard re-
| Gently IN presenting a petition rom
/ the Young Men : Christian Association
1 to the House OF Commons, praying
/ for the better protection Of girls and
/ vCUng women. There were several
ways in which the presentator could
have passed it to the proper oticialIn
| silence, but he arose, and without
| break or pause he repeated az follows:
| 'Mr. Speaker, / beg TO present a petl-
! tiCn for the better protection OF girls
and young women from the members
/ Of the Young Mems Christian AssOcla-
! ton. San Diego Sun.
NINETEEN years ago a Miss Green
/ lost S104 at Eagle Harbor. Mrs.
/ Mary Seaman, who now lives AZ Mar
/ quette, found the money, and after ad-
/ vertising unsuCCessfully for the owner
/ gave II to an orphan asylum, with the
/ provision that should the owner
/ appear II should be refunded Last
week a gentleman who knew OF Miss
Green's loss happened 70 learn the
! facts of its finding, and after much
/ trouble Miss Green's address was
/ learned and her long-lost money re-
turned 10 her. Sheis a cook in ahotel
I AT Montreal.-Detroit Tribune
SEVERAL years ago there was such a
/ tremendous freshet on the Illinois
! River that for a long time it was re-
/ ferred to as "the food" During q
/ lawsuit IN Peoria, an old man named
Adam. living in a little hamlet on the
river known az Paradise, was exam
med as witness. What Is your
name " was the first question asked
/ him. Adam, sir, said be. Your
name Is Adam, Is il? Well, where do
YOU live IN Paradise, sir." "Oh,
your name Is Adam, and you i've IN
/ Paradise. do you2 Well, how long
/ have YOU lived there?' Ever since
/ the food, sir, replied the old man,
whose words were drowned ID q roar
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