Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22
MILLIONS IN THEIR MINDS.
Men Who Lose Time and Money on Useless In
Observation-Disclosures Related.
New York Mail and Exnrnss

Men Who Lose Time and Money on Useless In
ventiOns--Instances Related.
New York Neil and Express.
'Inventorsm said we'll known mod ell
maker to a reporter. ''Why, it seems to
me that every hour brings out new one.
week never passes that / am not calle6n
unon by an inventor to construct mod =
and each one has the strangest notions
and ideas as to the value of his inven-
ton"
DO the new ideas run to any particu-
lar phase of improvement" asked the
reporter.
~, yes. The majority of my callers
have invented something which will rend-
er travel by sea absolutely free from
danger, or much faster than anything vet
known. Since the wreck of the Oregon
a gentleman called regarding an inven-
ton he had planned the night after the
disaster He came into the Office, and.
after peerlng carefully around to see if
we were alone, asked me if L could make
any kind of a model. l told him could.
WE'LL said he. 4 have got wonderful
| thing here that I thought out last night
l asked him what 1t was and before re-
plying he went cautiously to the door,
looked up and down the corridor then
returned aud whispered, Are you sure no
one will hear us, because as yet | only
have the plan in my head, and it is worth
millions of dollars to me; l would not
sell my idea for hundred thousand this
minute He then proceeded to give me
the benefit of his idea, first binding me
to absolute secrecy, finishing his remarks
by saying: L want you to make the mod
Ell for me, and to pay you for your trouble
Will sign contract giving you ten
shares of the stock when my company is
formed
Il told him 1 did not want any stock.
but would make his model for $25. "Why,
man, said he you don't realize the worth
of this thing; it will render such disasters
as happened to the Oregon absolutely i'm
possible. Ten shares of that stock would T
some day be worth thousands of dollars to
you;' but l was inexorable and he finally
went away swearing like pirate What
was his idea? Oh, a scheme making a
steamer in four seperate sections, SO that
even If every section but one should be
sunk, that one would float forever. The
shock of collision would separate the
sections, SO that it would be impossible to
sink them all at once. Young man, could
sit here all day and tell you strange sto-
ries of inventions of which I have strange
models. Some of them have been sue
cessful, but the majority are failures and
go to the wall. Very recently man came
in here with something he thought was
new, and out of which he was going to
make money enough to pay the national
debt without missing it. / examined it,
and very quickly saw it was precisely the
same thing that cost Peter Cooper 100000
some years ago, and amounted to nothing;
scheme for placing wheel amidships,
Just over the vessels keelson: proved to
be thoroughly impracticable. He cried
like baby when / told him it was no
good. / make hundreds of models every
year that 1 never hear of them after they
leave my shop; some are deliberate tricks,
meant to entice investors; others are
honestly intended, but fail in application.
Some know won't work; others / believe
to be good; but have lost confidence in
them all, and when they offer me stock in
payment for my work, I say: "Cash or
nothing"
'I'l tell you little experience 1 had
the other day with an inventor, but, as
his scheme may appear in the form of a
company soon, I'll omit names. | was all
alone, when the door opened, and man of
about SO years approached me cautiously,
and asked me if l was the proprietor;
then extended a long legal document
which found to be in effect contract in
which [ swOre by all | held sacred never
to reveal the secrets [ should learn, and In
which / was to agree to make his model
for five shares of stock. will you sign
that?' he asked in a whisper. I told him
would sign so much of it as referred to
keeping the thing secret, but that l want
ed money for my labor. He begged and
entreated, and finally he went away, re-
off
Well, went to work, and he came here
this morning for his model. I'll give you
an idea of it, and for absurdity it beats
anything 1 ever knew. He intends to
revolutinize the world as far machinery
Is concerned; in other words he thinks he
has discovered perpetual motion. Ny
agreement prohibited my putting the
thing together to see If it would
work, but know it won't. It is a large
wheel, constructed SO that seven long
levers provided with weights at the end
project from it. These levers are pro-
vided with an elbow that bends to and fro,
as the wheel revolves in such a way that
when underneath they close and when at
the top they open, forming wheel by
projecting out beyond the wheels rim,
that is meant to make it revolve. The
idea is that fve-sevenths are pulling
against twosevenths continually. Rather
a cute idea, but the inventor forgets the
natural fraction that must be overcome,
and it will never succeed / could name
many men who are prominent in business
life here who have had their turn as in
ventOrs, and could relate their many curl
Gus incidents to you, but you'll have to
call some day when I'm less busy than
now
The Funny Side of IT,