Morning journal and courier., 1886-04-29
IMPOS SSIRLE.

On card in Philadelphia street car is this legend: Advertising is great deal like making love to widow-it can't be over- done."
 Mistress-FI am going out now, Lena, and you can warm the children's room but don't fill the grate entirely, as usual, but only three-fourths, because I shall take one of the children with me-"
 Jay Gould raises his own grapes, his own strawberries and his own peaches; and it is said that he sometimes raises the market value ot his own securities by little judi cious watering. It is great thing to under stand how to make farming pro1tabls.- Boston Transcript.
 Hello, Flushy, old boy, in luck again, eh? Last time 1 saw you you wore a blue shirt and one suspender; now you're logged out like dude. Struck oil, eha" ''Nary oil petroleum's too slow. I been runnin' soldiers orphans school down in Penn sylvania for the past six weeks. ."-Burdette Scene st the Theater.-Irate old gentle man who has been disturbed by the cease less chatter of party of young people near to this place fora' Flippant youth-'fWell, old fellow come to have good time, and l am getting along very nicely, thank youI' San Francisco News.
 "You seem happy, silas, " said MT. Blank, with some curiosity, when he had finished about the fence. "Ya-as," drawled Silas; ''ya as, I've been a gittin' married this morn in'." Married? Youa Why, Silas, man alive, what on earth have you gone and done that for? You can't support yourself as it is." "Wull," said Silas, "I kin booty near support myself, m it's durn pity if she can't help some. .n-Bostcn Record. A dealer in ground coffees in a western city was approached the other day by com mission merchant who desired to dispose of 100 barrels of beans at low figure. "Beans!" exclaimed the merchant. "Why, what use can put them to?' F'Use them in your coffee'' ''In my cofees How little knowl- sessl If 1 should put in beans at their pres sent price I'd be bankrupt in a month. Bring me carrots and parsnips and old corn, and I'll talk business. Wall Street News
 The Peasant and the Serpent.-One day upon his Return from Market Peasant found a Dangerous Serpent playing with his children. Without stopping to make h. quiries he dealt the Reptile Mortal blow Wasn't your Action Arbitrary Abuse of Power?' queried the Toad. 'I don't think you can prove that the Serpent had struck one of your Children" s'As to that" re- piled the Peasant, "the time to kill Poison ous Reptiles is before you are Bitten." Moral: A Wolf doesn't make his Appear ance among Lambs with the Intention of leading them to Sunday school.-Detroit Free Press.
 A wealthy citizen of a neighboring city had been out until the small hours with con- vivial companions. It was not exactly "dry locality" that he had visited, and he arrived home slightly exhilarated., He managed, by describing several cratic rather than geom- etrical lines to get to his bedroom and into chair. Then he called to his wife in a stage whisper: "I can't get my boots off ''Whats the matter with your boots?' "Noz zin," Gn faint whisper.) "What's the mat ter with your hands, then?' she cross-ex- amined. ''Nozzin." "Why don't you pull the bination!'-Boston Record