Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1886-11-11
TOMPKINS' CAT.

Tompkins is my next-door neighbor.
We are bitter enemies. Next-door neigh
bors generally are. We never speak as we
pass by. On those embarrassing occas
ions one of us is suddenly seized with n
frantic desire to take botanical survey of
the yard we are passing, while the others
attention seems to be attracted by some
peculiarly fascinating object on the oppo-
site side of the street, though what 1T is |
have never yet been able to determine.
Once we met at the front gate. We have,
or rather had, but one front gate, and it
was used by both families in common.
had Just babe my wife a fond adieu-be-
hind the hall door-and was rushing out,
with valise in one hand and an umbrella
in the other, to catch the noon train, with but
five minutes in which to make seven
squares, when almost collided with Tomp-
hns, who was Just about to enter the front gate
on his way home to dinner l suddenly re-
membered that had forgotten something,
and turning on my heel-people always
turn on their he'll went back into the
house, while Tompkins walked past the gate
as serenely as if he lived ten squares fur
ther up the street. There are three gates
in front now, and the middle one is studi-
ously avoided except by Mrs. Hobbs and
Mrs. Tompkins, who, strange to say, are
the best of friends.
Yes, Tompkins and 1 are bitter enemies.
| Our anmosity is deep-seated and beyond
any shadow OF a reconciliation. II has can
kered and harassed my soul until life is
full of misery and woe, yet 1 take keen
delight in hating Tompkins. would not
stop hating him for anything In the world.
The bone of contention between us is
cat-not my cat, but Tompkins' cat. God
forbid that / should ever foster one OF the
bloodthirsty creatures.
| For the benefit of any of my beloved
readers who may not know what cat is,
will say that it is patent, double-action,
ire-proof, burglar-proof, electro dynamo,
wound up for twenty -four-h hours, inde-
structible monster with cannibalistic ten
denotes and q lurking animosity toward all
mankind,
mean 10 say that some cats are like the
above, but not all cats. There are many
peaceable, we'll behaved, reputable cats who
are proud of their good name, and would
not offend them for the world. They are
the pole-cat, the wildcat the ca amount,
the cat o -nine- tails, and the catechism.
But this cat of Tompkins belongs to the
ferocious breed first described. This breed
is divided into two classes. We have the
Thomas cat, and-the other kind OF a
cat. Tompkins' cat is Thomas cat. 1t is
| n lnOmaS Cat OI tue uhle peISuuSiOh'
have noticed that Thomas cats generally
are of the male persuasion. 1t seems to be
peculiarity of the Thomas cat.
But this Thomas cat of Tompkins' is the
most mdIevolent of its race. II has no re-
gard whatever for decency or the eternal
fitness of tn ngs, and l don't believe it has
ever read the golden rule in its life.
IL is one of those bow-legged, knock
kneed, slab-sided, cross-eyed, hair Tipped,
reversible haired, ring tailed, eight-day
Thomas cats, with a camel back and per-
pendicular tail, and can set more cubic feet
of air to vibrating to the cubic inch'of cat
than any creature that ever traded carbonic
acid gas for oxygen. 1t is one of those
perpetual motion, self-acting cats that
seem to be blessed-or rather cursed-with
the peculiar, inexplicable faculty of wind
ing themselves up as fast as they run down.
1t has taken a strange and unaccountable
fancy to me, and treats me much after the
J manner that love-sick swain treats his
: fair namorata-notably, TO moonlight sere.
! nades, except that to Sir Thomas il is Z
! matter Of little moment whether there il