News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-29
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
ONETO SMILE OVER.
In the state Camp-One Who Reads the
Papers-The Watch of MIR. JohnsinR-A
Liberal Time TabIe-A strict Grammar
Ian-Dots and Dashes, ETC., Etc.

Liberal Time -Table-A Strict Grammar
Ian-Dots and Dashes, ETC., Etc.
aRAMMARIAN.
Old Pete's boy had just returned from
school In relating an incident to his
father, he said: 'G saw the man"
whats dat q Come ober dat pint
ergin." ''Hol on. Yer saw de man,
eh 2" eyes, sir" "Saw him % ''That's
what l said" 81 do think befo' de
Lawd," the old man said, "de mo- yer
sends er nigger ter school de wus he
gifts. Heah dat boys been goin' ter
school nearly five years, and now he
come an say dat he saw er man. All,
Lawd, dar aim no us'n try'n ter Parn
'stronomy ter er niger. Why doan yer
say 4 seed er ginerman,' sab 2" 'Be-
cause that wouldn't be right. " ''Nervy,"
speaking to his wife, ''han' me dat plow
line. Blame eff he shall slaughter his
muder tongue in no sicher way. oh, |
ken beat all de schools in rarnln' yer
suthin'. .''-ArkansGtO Ira0eter.
HIS SISTER SAID Gratis"
He was waiting in the parlor for the
young lady to come down and was i'm
proving his time talking to her little
brother.
II say, Jawnie," he drawled, "did
you, aw, tell yoah sisteh that it was al
most time faw the Opewa 2"
ayes, 1 cid" replied Johnnie.
''Did you tell her was, aw, waiting
for her 9''
Eyes, 1 did, replied Johnnie.
"Awnd what did she say, don't you
know 2"
''She said Rats"
She came in too late to hear the con-
versation, and wondered all the evening
what made Mr.. De Limbs SO crusty.-
Washington Critic.
THEY TALKED.
A little girl greeted her mothers re-
turn from a shopping expedition the
other day with the news, Mrs. A. and
Mrs. B. called while you were gone. "
'Did they2 l hope you answered,
Quite well, thank you,' when they
asked how you were" ''N-o, mamma,
don't think did" ''And didn't you
kiss them nicely 2" "N-o, mamma, 1
didn't" ''Well, Gmpatiently,) what
did you do, you ill-mannered little girl !!
fear you quite disgraced your poor
mother" ''Oh, no, mamma, did not.
talked to them in the same dressy tone
that you use when company comes.-
Harper's Bazaar.
IN THE STATE CAMP.
One CT the guards who was on duty
last night was approached by short
and stout man in uniform, who walked
with his hand placed upon the base of
his stomach.
''Who goes there 2' called the guard,
presenting his musket.
81 am der pand, " said the stout man
in mournful tone.
"Well, have you got the countersignp p
asked the guard.
ono" SAID the stout man, sadly, ''but
| I haf got der golic. Blease let me pass
till 1 go by der hospital tent"
He went.
PREPARATIONS COMPLETE.
She was to be married the next day
and as her old father stroked her hail
fondly he said:
''And do you think, my dear. that you
have fully considered the important steE
YOU are so soon to take Do you feel
that you are thoroughly prepared for,
ooh, yes, papa" she interrupted
brightly; ''everything is prepared, and
we've had two rehearsals and George has
promised to buy me pair ponies just
as soon as ever we get back from ouI
wedding trip."-N. Y. Times.
NARROW ESCAPE.
care we all here ?'' inquired Mr..
Brutal Jones of his landlady the Other
morning at the breakfast table.
~ think so: one, two, three, four
yes, you are all here believe" and she
smiled sweetly; why p
Nothing much, only | see by the
morning paper that human skeleton
was picked up just outside the city Inn
it's"
The smile vanished. d.-Merchant Tra0
sler.
LOOKING FOR FRESH TALENT.
Base Ball Manager Ito applicant)-
want a new pitcher. Can you curve
ball =?
Applicant Yes, sir; can curve 1
twice around the batter before It reaches
the catcher's hands.
Manager-Only twice
Applicant-That's all.
Manager-I'm afraid you won't do
What want is a phenomenon, and
left handed one at that.
CAPITALIST TO KNIGHT OF LABOR.
'If YOU could get all you wished for
and YOU had three wishes, what woulC
YOU wish for p' Knight of Labor
sI'd wish first for all the money want
ed.n Capitalist -"Well ?" K. of L.
'.Then I'd wish to have no work to do.
Capitalist-''And what would be you
third ?" "K. of 1.-The third. Lem
me see. I'd want an increase of wage
and shorter urs of labor. ."-2ecd
Sytings.
SOUNDS BETTER.
"Weu, John" said the Judge to
: pig tailed Celestial. "What can l d
, "Want to getee name changed"
"What's your name now 2"
"Sipg Sing. No goodee. Two muche
I Aldelman. Getee changed to Walbl
Twice."
=, ITO Marble Twice. ?"
"Yep. Alice samee Sing Sing"
l LOCAL PECULIARITIEs.
81 can always tell whether a man
, from the East or West" said VAST
l ington hotel clerk.
y F'How do you do it 2"
"When an Eastern man registers, b
s says, will you kindly direct me to tn
g bar p A Western man says, Where
n the bar kept a. 2"
A MONUMENT.
a 'rYou. are going to erect monumer
! to your fathers memory, suppose"
ooh, no. Monuments crumble an
s decay and are forgotten. We are goin
4 to do something that will keep h
4 memory alive much longer"
e "Whats that 2"
J. I'VE are going to fight in the cour
g for his property. - Chicago Nea0s.
= IN SILENCE.
d eyes" said the lady lecturer, 'w'
l. men have been wronged for ages; the
# have suffered in thousands of ways"
l. "There's one way they never sutfere
IS in, said he pecked MIN rising.
J. "What is that 2" demanded the lie
% turer.
e They have never suffered in
is lence. '"-B0st0n Courier.
" METHOD IN MADNESS.