The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1886-04-24
ALLEGED HTMOR.

"CAN February March," asked the
| punster with a sickly smile. "Per-
haps not" replied the quiet man,
"but April May ."-Boston Transcript.
MIsTRkss: "Why, Della, what in the
world have you done?" Della: "Shure,
ma am, the master said the gas was
leaking, and l put up the pail to catch
| it. lid Bits.
Mrs. WHITNEY will soon give a ball
| for the benefit of Washington news
boys. In this city the newsboys have
| to bawl for their own beneft.-BOston
Post.
A Boston women has been showing
q cooking class all about 'orange
| frosting." 1t has been something new
in Florida this season.-New Orleans
Picayune.
A WRITER remarks that "the world
is full of smiles and tears" Not so
| full OF smiles, however, as some thirsty
individuals wish it was.-Burlington
| Free Press.
WHEN the cry was sounded last night
a gentleman was seen on his upper pi-
azza in his "Ma-Hubbard," holding
aloft a lighted lamp, looking for the
| tire-F7orida Herald.
SAM. JONES says the best men are
those who "spend most of their time
on their knees" Most of us, then, are
good only in the spring and fall, while
putting down carpets.-Philadelphia
Call.
COMING into the station: Brake
man Pawtucket Paw-tucketl
Train boy lat other end of car)-Car-
| amels Car-amels Troubled old
gentleman unfamiliar with route)-
Dear me, dear me, did you understand
what station they called ?-Providenee
Journal
GENTLEMAN of wealth Ito member of
United Order of Hod Carriers out on q
strike:) "Pat, you ought to be at
| work, instead of loafing around the
street, and your family half starved at
home" Pat: "Shtarved, is it? An
sure it's meself that's trisurer av the
ordher. ."-PUck.
| SCENE, Art Museum in New York.
Daughter-What is the subject of this
piece of sculpture? 1t is beautiful.
Mother-I am sure | don't know, dear.
Bystander with cold in the head,
overhearing) Ids a Nydia from Bonn
peii. Mother-She says it is an idiot
from Bombay.-Lite.
FLORIDA hotel proprietor Ito stew
ard)-Has That alligator ordered yes
terday got here yet? Steward--No,
sir. Proprietor (angrily1-Well, this
is little too much, and a new batch
OF Northern invalids just arrived.
You will have to scratch stewed terra
pin off the bill of fare.-New York
Times.
Madam, what have you
against this man? Complainant
Well, sir, he tore my dress half off.
How did he do it, madam d."
stepped on my trail, sir, and"
madam, that is impossible. This
man is g. city detective. He never got
on any body's trail in his life. The
prisoner is dismissed" - Chicago
! News.
A PASSENGER says he had a novel
experience at an eating station not
| more than q thousand miles from
| Macon. The steak was a regular
| tough, and he murmured his COM
plant. The waiter remarked: '4ou
are the fourth man that has kicked
against that piece OF steak, and we
| won't stand it." The passenger left it
for the fifth man.-Macon Telegraph.
"THERE is a peculiar tree in Aus
tralia," said the teacher, ''called the
travellers tree. Can you describe it ?"
| But the class was silent until the
smart bad boy said he reckoned it
must be the axle tree. But the teacher
| kindly said if he would remain after
school a few impressive moments she
would try to explain the difference to
him so that he could tell which was
switch-BUrdette.
| COUNTRY EDITOR Ito new assistant)
MIR. Smith, you, write: can explosion
in an English coal mine last week
caused the death of 1877 men," That
is not an editorial paragraph, it is
| simply a statement of news. New As
sistant-Yes, sir. Country Editor
| Such slipshod journalism won't do.
| You should have added: "The SYM
pathy of the whole world will be ex-
tended to the families of these unfor-
tunate men," or something of that
sort. Matter to be of an editorial ma
ture must voice an opinion.-New
| York Sun.
BRACK GooLsBY tells of q little boy
VINO WAS SoHJ ny HlS pdIeHuS " ouC7l
school in his neighborhood. just
| as he arrived at the school-room the
| class in Greek was called up to recite.
| AS he entered the door one OF the big
boys rose, and, looking at him, began
| to call the Greek alphabet, "Alpha,
beta, gamma, delta, epsilon, zeta,"
etc When he pronounced the last
letter the little fellow turned on his heels
and ran as if for life, not stopping un-
| til he arrived at home. His mother
met him and wanted to know what
was the matter. The littlefellow said:
Mamma, just as got in the school
house one of the big boys got up and
cried out, Alfred, beat him, d-n him,
pelt him, help to eat him. and | just
left that schoolnouse in hurry, and
don't want to go to school nohow."