Savannah morning news., 1886-04-21


E'd,tOr Morning Ne,os: Thank heaven
that agony is overl If ever a poor devil
suffered the pangs of modern martyrdom,
that individual who now addresses you lis
that victim.
St. Andrew was simply roasted alive
upon gridiron, while l, Paulus -Emelius
Fry, Esq, have been boiled, broiled,
stewed, grilled and chopped to death upon
every conceivable kind of culinary impe-
ment patented for the torture OF domestic
husbands. Since this Internal cookery
school has been established, my house has
been turned topsy-turvey and We have
been all put upon starvation diet. We
nave been fed upon meringues, croquettes,
rlssOles, casseroles, souffles, mayonna aises
ana consommes without end; so much so,
that have mad to resort to a restaurant
10 procure a surreptitious meal. The
Kitchen is a regular laboratory, so, be-
tween pounding and whipping and con-
coctlng and fiaVoring and frying, the sew
enty-two stenches of Cologne don't begin
TO approach it.
Our grocery bill has been trebled and
there are hardly hens enough left in Chat
ham county to furnish us with eggs, if
this thing goes on. Our butcher, who,
curious enough, is also baker, wonders
what on earth we want with so many
sweet-breads, mutton kidneys, suets, sir
IONS, and porterhouse steaks which we
so continuously exact from him. Two
cooks have left, and the third has written
FoWderly for instructions. The Lord
guide this culinariOus Miss ParlOa to some
prlmeYal country where eggs can be
gathered for the trouble, and cooking
wine extracted from cocoanuts; where
she can get up her di1de dur trdfeS by
RI u hn,. - vNla
tains, and procure her other ObjetS de gOat
from some of those Chdttedar deS ESpdgne,
where they keep war establishment
with innumerable chefs to run the COM
missary department swimmingly.
We would suggest the Sandwich
islands for her future labOrs.
The idea OF my venerable spouse attend
ing cooking school, pshaw
II she had any culinary gumptiOn about
her, and found that her tastes lay in that
direction, She should have written a cook
cry book herself, sufficiently simple and
inexpensive to educate her own family,
and one that would suit democratic stom-
achs and accommodate impecunious
tastes. All she had to do WAS to cut out
the recipes from the MORNING NEWS
column, draw extracts from Mrs. BeetOn,
work up those things she is most familiar
with, and which even the OF pOllOi could
understand and indulge in-corn dodgers,
potato pone, pumpkin pie, slap jacks,
gumbo soup, sassairas tea, etc.
III Mrs. Paulina Pry's variety led her to
90 to school to Miss Parloa, she need not
dread being the authoress of cookery
book.
Harriet Beecher Stowe wrote one and
became moderately famous, and l have
no doubt but that Uncle Tom was con-
cOcted in the same manner as her merin-
gues-6 parts Legree, Uncle Tom,
Topsv and 10 imagination, with a soup
con OF truth to give flavor thrown in.
My idea of cookery is more of the Soyer
order-tO make as much out OF nothing as
can possibly be extracted.
Now, if Miss Parloa had taught those
contding creatures who attended her lee
lures how to make soup out of stone, to
transmOgrIfy an old hen into a spring
chicken; to make tough beef tender, and
one pound go as far as two; if she had
shown them how nice light pastry can be
made with fewer eggs and less butter,
and bread superior to the bakers in
weight and quality; how Joint of meat
| can be utilized ia family day after day,
and, finally, dlspeiled that insane idea
which men and boarders labor under
with regard to that very economical arti-
Gle of food called hash; then, indeed,
would her teaching be both productive
and philanthropc.
Any idiot can expend $4,000 upon the
construction of a $4,000 house, and make
it perhaps look rather better, but not
more comfortable. The same applies to
cake or dish or soup. Give me lever,
cried Archlmedes, and | will raise the
world. Give me cream and ratifa and
| maraschinO and Naples biscuit anG
whites of eggs and clarified butter, and
Pll make Miss Parloa take shelter.
1t is all very welafOr Mr.. CrRsus, Lu-
cullus, Heliogabalus, Bob Travers or
Chester Arthur to make a splurge in Del
mOnicO's upon nighlingale's tongues, or
tolans aud dlnde dub tldBeS, washing them
down with Lacrym8 Christi and Marco
brunner. 1t is all very well to fatten geese
in the dark so as to enjoy diseased liver;
to raise bull frogs for their hind legs, or
even do as the epicureans of Rome did,
throw an occasional tender young maiden
into their ponds to feed the sels upon if
we had the wealth of Mackay or Van
| berbIlt. But, as it is, we have sufficient
| strength of mind to be satisfied with what
we can afford, if we can only control this
! ParlOa craze.
! We are by no manner Of means mean,
50 matter what Mrs. z. or some people
s.ay say. We believe in that happy me-
dium between pr0digality and parsimOny; I;
! prefer few choice tit bits to a multiplic-
ity, and that our table should be elegant
and chaste rather than OstentatiOus and
dyspeptic, that it should give poetry to
the repast and not sacrifice enjoyment to
unmeaRing style. Good cooking is abso-
lutely necessary both for our temper and
our stomach. and should be as perfect as
the limited allowance of eggs, cream, and
butter will permit. Let us then have
| COED palatable food without imposing
upon us any high falutn' titles of con-
cOctiOns which few Of us can pronounce
correctly, or even tell the difference be-
tween UOl-da-Uent and whipped syia-
| bub. PAUL PRY.
The Mind and the Legs.
| Ernnl tLa Daa,raa. T,-il.lfna- R.s1sl hIirr.a