Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1886-01-27
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

N " IL AMI ID u LsLsA ~ ~ = .
An Irresistible Pun.-When Jones
vent TO look for rooms he was shown
about the premises By - handsome .
ACKNOWLEDGMENT. bright and fair
,--As ever giAddened the eyes OF q
bachelor. What suite do you think
you should prefer. sir 2" she Asked.
Jones said he oouldn't help IL II he
should die for IL, and no replied In his
most killing way: "Sweet eighteen.
IL sou mean me-" responded Inc girl,
"I'd hsvsyou 70 know that this sweet
elghteen' 10 already engaged -
Young Smithers has been counting q
lady whose first husband was relieved
OF her affections by process Of law. She
10 . practical lady, and has learned
caution by her experience. What
Income have you, Mr.. 5mithers 2" said
the fair one 10 him the other evening.
" Three hundred dollars = month. l"
Three hundred-let mo see-a hun
dred and fifty. No. l couldn't get
enough alimony out Of that TO make 1t
worth the risk"
A lady, lecturipg on teetotalism late-
lily, said, ''Consider the number OF per.
sons who drink themselves to death
my grandfather drank himself to
death" Ono Of the audience tmmedi.
a.ely got mp and said: IN a'am, II your
Igrand mother was such q woman 90
Tout. The meeting broke mp In dis
lorder.
A bachelor says: "To DO q woman oil
fashion In one CT the easiest things Ia
the world. Buy everything you dom
want, and pay for nothing You get
Smile on all mankind but your husband
Be happy every where but ut home
Neglect your children, and nurse lap
dogs Go TO church every time you &C.
o new dress.
A wealthy gentleman, who owns q
|, country seat on one occasion nearly
lost his wife, who fell into . rive
y. which hows through his estate. HI
announced the narrow escape 70 bill
friends, expecting their conRratula
lions. One Of them-an old bachelor
, wrote as follows: Il always told yoI
the river was too shall0wt"
RI He wss talking TO the girl, and sh'
WAS suffering In patient endurance
All NJ once his face lighted mp, and sh'
revived eighty. All, Mr.. De Sap
Ing what is it?" she iuquired quickl,
And expeotantly. "a bwiliiaut
Thought stvuck me- Miss Fannie" b
replied. "Iudeedr' she sighed weari
lis, Whose was it?"
A cowboy married m actress belong
IinR:to q strollipR theatri cal company
lilo 3 short time . travelipg dTumme
Iran away with her. When the desert
, led husband heard of Il, his brow Rro'
. dark and, convulsively 0lutchiug hi
V revolver, ne hissed: am kill th
Il scouudrel on sight if-he ever bring
Iher hack -
XII Here IL story which goes TO sho'
u that phonetic spe ling might cause 9
y; much confusion 81 the present unsyi
a tamatic fashion: When Patti was
ID San francisco she was described as Il
greatest diva on arth, whereupon
Il professional sent her . challenge
y: swim any distance she might name Il
II silver cup.
n Mics wilkins was q beautiful blond
Il and she wanted 70 70 TO Brighton
she told her mother - 70 look 4
eomething particular for her dear pap
"And what 10 IL, pray" asked b.
y mother, "that you wish 70 tind for yol
Il, dear papa 2" I" A son.in.iaw," was d
gentle reply Of the blushing maiden.
Il Clara (shyly): "Of all the mont
Of the year, George dear, which do yc
think 10 the hsppIest one for lovers
% George (of q thrifty nsture): MAY
~ she happiest, because II Is the cheapes'
Clara "Cheapest? How ?" Georg
at 10 too late In the season for oyster
and too early FOR ices -
Visitor TO whom Shoddington Is e,
hibiting hts pictures): Alb, that's
fine thingi declare, but IL looks II
enc Of the old masters" Shoddingto
"Old master be blowedl No, sir, tn 81
brand-new. thought it only last wss
fresh from the ease,-yes, fresh fro
"Ob.5 easped fat Mrs. weishty,
she assembled the second flight Of stsi
m In her new residence. really ca
~ not run up any more stairs" 8"
20 course not" testify answered her he
band; " but II the stairs were made
) dressmAkers' bills, you oould run the
"a up very easily"
y, King Theebaw's baby Is rocked
* sic ep In . mango wood cradle cas-
- int ide and out with plates of gold, |
III with rubies, emeralds, sapphire o
m Q 10 m onds, worth nearly 81, 900 900, b
lit iakes lust 40 much paregorio to ?
at it 10 sleep - II 1t was rocked in flor
ba, rel.
w Whoever gets MARI ID, says pap
n, will save himself muol trouble by
naming single. We are not marie
n. and perhaps never will be. A bache
~ OF forty, with one eye out, stands bu
n' poor chance nowadays to mortgage
vn happiness on advantageous terms.
Bobby Ito young Beathsrly, who
or making q oall) evil you speak lii
~. French for me before you 90. \
Featherly 2" Featherly (smiling) &c
tainly, Bobby, II you wish 1t =" Bob
T d.. Mamma says your French
H. very an using"
ofl What do these letters stand for
VI asked . curious wife of her husband
she looked ut his Masonic seal. "W
really, my love-" he replied encourl
ingly, Il prtsume IL Ia because d
can't cit down" She postponed furt
Questioning.
Qe7I Woman ia SO built that she but
0ee dom can throw straight. Providenos
ge .o is truly said, orders everything for
T&sS best, and after husband has seen
II 40 tin cup sail harm lessly by his head