The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1886-01-22
T He NJ @ N | T @ r
BILL NYE on THE EARTH.

upon. and y hich some Of them. | regret TO
say. desire to own and control. forgetting
that the earth is the Lords, and the full
ness thereof. Some men do not care who
owns the earth so long as they get the full
ness.
The earth Is 500. 600, 900 years of age, ac-
cording to Prof Proctor, but she doesn't
look it to me. The Duke of Argyll main
tains that she is but 10000, 600 years old
last August. but what does an ordinary
duke know about these things? So far as |
am concerned will put Proetor's memory
against that OF any low-prced duke that
have ever seen.
Newton claimed that the earth would
gradually dry up and become porous, and
that water would at last become curiosi-
ty. Many believe this and are preparing
their systems by a rigid course of treat
ment. so that they can live for years with
out the use of water internally or externally.
Other scientists who have sat up nights
to monkey with the solar system, and
thereby shattered their nervous systems,
claim that the earth is getting very top
heavy at the north pole, and that one OF
these days while we are thinking OF some
thing elSes, the great weight of accumu-
lated ice. snow and the vast accumulation
of secondhand artie relief expeditions,
will jerk the earth ont of its present posi-
ton with so much spontaniety, and in such
an extremely forwith manner, that many
people will be permanently strabismussed
and much bric-a-brac will be for sale at
great sacrifice. This may or may not be
true. have not been up in the arctic re-
gions to investigate its truth or ialsity,
though there seems to be a growing senti-
ment throughout the country in favor of
my going. A great many people during
the last year have written me and given
me their consent
If could take about twenty good pick
ed men and 70 up there for the summer III
stead of bringing back twenty picked men
wouldn't mind the trip, and feel that
we really ought to have larger colony on
ice in that region than we now have.
The earth is composed of land and water.
Some of the water has large chunks of ice
IN it. The earth reyolves around its own
axle once in twenty-four hours, though it
seems to revolvo faster than that and to
wobblc a good deal during the holidays.
Nothing tickles the earth more than to
confuse a man when he is coming home
late at night, and then TO rise up suddenly
and hit him in the back with a town lot.
People who think there is no iun nor re-
taxation among the heavenly bodies GER
tainy have not studied their habits. Even
the moon is a hHmorist.
\ friend Of mine who was returning late
at night from a regular meeting Of the Soci-
ETY. for the Amclioraton of the Hot Scotch
said that the earth rose up suddenly in
front of him and hit him with a right of
way, an as he was about to rise again he
was stunned by a terrific blow between the
shoulder blades with an old land grant
that he thought had lapsed years ago.
When he staggered to his feet he found
that the moon, in order to add TO his con-
fusion, had gone down in front Of him, and
risen again behind lin. with rer thumb
on her nose.
So say, without fear of successful con-
tradicton, that if You do not think that
planets and orbs and one thing and another
have finn on the quiet, you are grossly H.
nordnt of their habits
The earth is about haif way between
Mercury and Saturn in the matter of den
sty. Mercury is ofaboui the specific gray
ity Of iron. while that Of Saturn CORES
ponds with cork ia tie matter Of density
and specific gravity. The earth, of course,
does not compare with Mercury in the mat
ter of solidity, yet II is amply firm for ali
practical purposes. \ negro who fell out
of the tower of the lwclve-stnry building
while trying to clean the upper window by
drinking a quart If alcohol and then
breathing hard ou the glass. says that he
regards tile earth as perfectly solid and
safe 10 do business on for years to come.
He claims that those Who maintain that
the carth'a crust is only $500 miles in
thickness have not thoroughly tested the
matter by system nj practical expert
ments.
The poles Of tl'e Garth are purely i'm
aginary hate to print this statement in
large paper ia such way as TO injure the
reputation of great writers on This subject
who still cling 10 the theory flat the earth
reyolyes upon large poles and that the
aurora borralis is but the reflection from
n hot box al tle north pole, but am here to
tell the truth, and if my readers think il
disagre,able 70 read tllc lF1jh what must
ms anguish be 10 have 80 tell it, The
mean diameter Of the carh is 1916 Eng
gish statute miles. but the actual diameter
from pole to poke is a still meancr diameter.
being 1,S99 miles, while the equatorial d.
amctcr is 1,9255 miles.
The long and patient Struggle of ON
earnest and tirelc-s geographi,is and
savants in past years iu order To obtain
these figures and have them exact few and
fully realize. Tie long and thanklcss ioI
nf measuring the diameter of the earth. NJ
matter what the weather might be. away
from home and friends, foot-sorc and
weary, still plodding on, fatigued, but dc.
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