Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-02-13
JEEMS HAXBY.
he BUYS A BICYCLE-PRACTISES OUT IN
HIS LANDLORDS BACK YARD.

For the las 2 wekes, the wurl haz
possessed but little happiness for me. i
went slay-riding was throun out, and
had to walk 4 miles to get home.
Then, big hunk NV Use fel off the
rufe and knocked me sensles; wa
gun run over mi flute, and bline,
bob-tale, long-ered muel, kicked me
over the allie tense. Mr.. Job wuz
afickted onse; now it IL mi turn.
Mi wurse aflickshun haz not been
rekorded. Here it IL. If you have
pity, prepar rain-barul to ketch
your teresl
A flu dais ago, wuz walking on
the payment, meditating over an old
comb, that had fished from the gut
ter, and wandering if had better
advertise it, when saw a big shad-
der cunning down upon me, with its
leggs flying up and down. 1t SKIER
ed me, so i jumped behine tre-box
and began to mumbul porshun NV
SMuther Guses' Melody wuz sure
vt wuz the DEVIL. "Whiz! whiz |!
w-rr-rl whiz! whiz w-r-r-rl' he
sed. pretended didn't hear him,
land changed frum "Hi-didle-didle"
to "Pity the infurmities NV poor
bline man." and wuz holding out mi
cap in the altitude NV bline man,
when loud "Ha! ha! hal" sounded
lin mi left ere. i turned round, and
found Singinus Maxony, a friend
lafing and smacking hiz nee with hiz
hand.
"What's the matter?" sed. as
your grandmother ded, or are you
full NV bere ?"
80! ha ! hap he sed, "you'd max
an excellent bline man. Sa, you LUX
rele pale. Are you sic or shared, or
haz the starch rubbed off your shirt? ~
ooh, mi, Singinus," i sed in Sc
pulkeral voise, "the DEVIL just now
run me behine this tire box, and
tryed to steal mi birth-da comb frum
me. You should hav sene him! He
kept jumping at me and whining
f. You see, wuz-"
Anuther bigg shadder cum running
at me, but crept under poarch,
and lay Their, FREEING, burning-al-
most skered to deth.
"Cum out Nv ther," sed Singinus.
That's no dewitt liz bicickle."
crauled out and luked around.
Only 'Ginus wuz mere me; but in the
distense, j notised man sitting on a
cart-wele, which wuz flying along in
the midle NV the rode.
ether goes your DEVIL" sed mi
friend. "It IL a bicickle and liz used
insted Nv a horse. Why, Haxby, i
thout you knew al about it. Here
Gums / just like it,"
The bicickle swept pas. 1t charm
ed me. wanted to see it wurk and
started after the las feler, yelling and
waving mi hat. He luked back and
turned pale. kept on yelling. Then
he tuched the mashine up. Run? 1t
just flu. i got excited, fel over a
Foigg, skun bigg pease NV skin off
smy noze, and broke finger. When
got up, the feler wuz gone. ex-
peck he wuz excited, and flu ava.
wuz determined to be bicicklist.
am pore, but mi countenanse and
fluent, copius language always hav
an infuense over the peple. de-
termined to borrow and pracktise
with it. The next issue Nv the Sore
f.. head Groandhog had this flaming
adj in it.:
gentleman NV means and spare time,
would lik to borrow bicickle TO practice
on. No shody mashines nede apply.
In Is minits after the Groundhog
wuZ isued, Al bicicles were standing
in frunt NV mi bording house APP
pered on the steps, and in speach,
3 thanked the men for their reckogni-
shun of mi nobility, and after select
ing bigg mashine, dismissed them.
So far, al rite. After diner OBJ
tanned permishun from mi lanlord
to pracktise in hiz back yard, which.
il quite large. borrowed pare NV
boys pants, which cum to mi nees,
bout pare 5-sent stockings, and a
summer capp, and went forth intoo
p the yard Their wuz nothing in the
yard but an ole barrul. got up on
this and wuz just getting on the ma
shine, when the STAYS burst in and
fel kerfump on the ground. i didn't
swear Oh, no. jumped ON the
bicickle and made a vane endevor to
get mi fete on the tredles. The ole
whele wobled and wobled and final
" ran intoo a peche tire and almost