Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1886-02-11

not appear as professor or science
or an eminent farmer, but
merely of the jack plane order.
His description of q good and conven-
lent home for the farmer ana his
family was truly interesting, and as
he proceeded, many farmers wife
present was noticed by her actions TO
agree with him. He spoke of various
styles OF architecture, but he con
demned the Queen Anne style. He
quoted FROM Bill Nye, who called it
crazy quilt architecture and it is
so good :hat 1t is here given in
full, as follows:
II may be premature, perhaps, but
l desire to suggest to any one who
may be contemplating the erection Of
a summer residence FOR nae. as a slight
testimonial Of his high regard for my
sterling worth-thst | hope he will
not construct it on the modern plan
of mental hsllucination and morbid
delirium tremens peculiar to recent
architecture
or course a man ought not to look
a gift house in the gable end, but If
my friends don't know me any better
than to build me 8 summer house,
and throw in odd windows that no.
body else wanted, and then daub it
up with colors they have bought at
auction, and applied TO the house
rafte dark with a shotgun, | think il
is time that we had a better Under-
standing.
Such a structure does not come
within either of the three classes OF
Renaissance 1t is neither Floren-
tine, Roman, nor Venetian. Any
man can originate style OF arehitec-
| ture If he will drink the right kind of
whisky long enough, and then de.
scribe his feeliegs to an amanuensis.
Imagine the sensation that one OF
these modern, sawed-oH cottages
would create q hundred years from
now, if it should survive. But that
is impossible The only cheering fes.
ture of the whole matter IS that these
creatures of a disordered Imagination
must soon pass away, and the bright
sunlight of hard norse-sense shine in
through the shattered dormers and
gables of gGawed oif architecture Of
the average summer resort. a. friend
Of mine, a few days ago, showed nae
his new house with mucn pride. He
asked me what | thought OF il. l
told him / liked it first rate. Then |
went home and wept all night. 1t
was my first falsehood
The house taken rs a whole looked
to me like skating rink that had start
ed out to make money, and then sud
denly changed its mind, and resolved
to become a tannery. Then ten feet
higher it had lost all self-respect, ana
blossomed into full-blowB drunk
and disorderly," surrounded by the
smoke stack of q foundry, and with
the bright future of thirty days ahead
with the chain gang. That's the way
it looked 10 me.
The roofs were made of little odds
and ends Of misht rafters and distort-
ed shingles that somebody had pur-
chased at sheriff sale, and the rooms
and stairs were giddy in the extreme.
| went in and rambled around among
the cross-eyed staircases and other
Nightmares till reason toLtered on her
throne. Then | came out and stood
on the architectural wart called the
side porch, to get fresh air. This porch
was painted a dull red, and 1t had
wooden rOsettes at the corners that
looked like brand new csrbuncle on
the nose Of a social wreck. Farther
up on the demoralized lumber pile /
saw now and then places where the
workman'S mind had wandered, and
he had nailed on his clapboards wrong
side up and then painted them with
the Paris green that he bad intended
to use on something else 1t was an
odd looking structure indeed. If my
friend got all the materials for moth
ing from people who had fragments
If paint and lumber left over after
they failed, and tnen if the workmen
constructed il nights for mental re
Taxation and intellectual repose, With
out charge of course the scheme was
financial success, but INTELLECTUALLY
the house is a gross violation of the
statutes in such cases made and pro-
vided, and against the peace and Dig
nifty Of the STATE.
There is a look OF extreme poverty
about the structure which a man
might struggle for years 10 acquire
and then fail. No one could look
upon it without feeling q heartache
for the man who built that house, and
probably struggled on year altar year
building little al a time as he could
steal the lumber, getting a new work
man each year, building KNOB
here and protuberance there, put
ting in a three cornered window at
one point and yellow tile or wad
of broken glass or other debris at an
other, patiently filing in around the
ranch with any old rubbish that
other people had got through with,
and painting it as be went along,
taking what was left in the bottom Of
the pot after his neighbors had paint
ed their bob-sleds or their tree boxes
little favors thankfully received
aud then surmounting the whole pile
with po;pouri Of roof, grand fare
well incubus of bumps and holIows
for the rain to wander through and
seek out the different cells where the
lunatics live who inhabit it,
r 80