Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1886-12-28
MARVELLOUS INVENTION
The married Mans Indlcaior," a Macliins
for Domestic Use.

The married Mans Indicator" Machine
for Domestic Use.
The latest genius who has applied for
a patent is the man who has. invented
what is known as "Thc Mrrred Mans
Indicator" 1t is wonderful, se' atlye
arrangement of the ordinary ther-
mometer in convenient pocket size, and
is graded TO Il scale OF cabalistic marks,
which show the exact state OF the do
nestle mo phere at any hour OF the
night He takes out the ind Gator,
thrusts it in the k'y-hcle and lc's il re-
main there few seconds, Pulling it
out quickly he scans the dial by the
moonlight 5 ftful cleaning. If it
marks IS. A." Sound asleep, the poor
husband pulls of his boots noiselessly;
u.es the night. key with batcd breath;
gives the door Il quick pull 10 keep it
from crcaking; steals trembling TO bed,
and when his dear wifcy wakes up about
two seconds afterward and wants to
know how long he has been home, he is
sound asleep. If the Indicator scores
"A. A. c., b. d. X. w. I. " awake,
awful cross, but does not know what
time it is), the husband puts few
more era MS of coffee in his mouth,
op,ns the door boldly and walks
in with slam-Lang air, hts Ii
boot intentionally aga nst chair. wants
to know why the deuce chairs don
keep out of his way, gets desperately
mad on general principles, scarcs il
w fe clean out of her croSsncss and cur
tain lectures. and refuses 10 le' her get
up and strike n match-never did Ike 4
liGht at ight, nohow remarks gruliiy
i'm response to timid inquiry that ct
about twenty minutes after ten, an
then turns into bed with such an appar
ent awful state of mind that the wife OF
his bosom is afra d 10 speak to him, Al
which he is very sad, of course.
There are other marks on the indica
tor showing Just where it will do tt
play the "lodge dodge" or the "Sic'
friend" or "b ;cn standing on the cor
ner talking to so-anl-so for more thar
an hour or General or Honorable
this or that from you know where wa
) in town and had to 60 Oil the tw'
= o'clock tran. and he ing,3,cd 50 strong
ly that the whole party stayed up to se'
him off, altnough he was II great bore
and we only did it through courtesy,
But the most awful of all the cnbaliSt
? signs on the dial is the one ut the TOP
S about two marks above boiling pont,
a When the weary husband comes HON
=. about four o'clock Il. m. from the dlre'
j ton of the butcher shop, with roll
meat held HIGH in the air so that ever
one he passes can not fail 10 see it, an
o sticks the ind Gator in the keyhole, he
i almost too weak to draw it out W.T.
n hair on end he reads it by the fan
: light streaming In urCa him from orC
d the Eastern hills, and sweat breaks ol
n on his noble brow in drops as large I
4 walnutS, as he sees the bulb OF the II
\ doctor iammed smack up against al
- II. S. W. +. Y. !. 7. D." (ed-hot, SIT
5 wa ting for YOU ins de the door, III
# inventor of the instrument says tn
] when man has til S terrible misfortuI
to overtake him he feels that there
i. nothing left in | fe worth living for.
He sings the meat ont into tho va
and braces himse.f for the coming fra
but says nothing, for nothing can
said Be he ever so gifted ar, b 4
Z" complishment Is moro than Vauele'
No lodge, no sick friend, no talking
a the corner, no sitting M 10 sec the Gc
it eral oil, no swearing that he will ncv
re do it agan-in fact, moth ng VIII p
ID vail. 1t S an indefensiblc ca e.
-" He is caught. Even the ghastIy g
ETY. with VIII ch two hours previous
ny had sa d to the boys he guessed he wol
: see it out, ''might as well be killtd fl
O.. sheep as lamb, " had all vanished, ]
Indicator having tod him the exact ST
4 of things, he knows exactly whit to {
nj and that is nothing but to get IN bed
once and wrap the drapery of his COZ
about him, pull the pillow over his ei
to aid wait for his wifc's breath to q
ne out. It's awful while If lasts, bat It !
n its use in relieving the unfortunate H.
I'd band of his great load OF anxiety, l
in indicator is great invention. Colo
?" Montgomery will allow it to go thron.
if possible, = Washingto" Cor. 81 II
L n a.