The Irish standard., 1886-08-14
.HuMOR OF THE IRISH BAR.
Some Of the Quiok-Witted Rejoinders of
Noted Limbs Of the Law that
are Well Worth Reading.

Noted Limbs OF the Law that
are Well Worth Reading.
JUDGE FLETCHER TO THE JURY.
Daniel O'Connen ''Takes Riks" out Of
"Leather-Iiunged scriven," the Ugliest-
I,ooking Man at the I:ish Bar.
Sir Edward Coke says Moses was the
first reporter Of the law, but it is doubt
full whether during his lifetime he ever
dreamed Of having such brilliant ar
ray of successors. Assistant United
States District ttorney Deyenny, dur
ing his studies, has made it d rule TO
collect paragraphs Of unusual interest
bearing on law and lawyers, and from
this collection he gives the following
legal "squibs." In the preface of
"Fortescue's Reports" which consist
of thirty-one folio pages, it is said that
s'tIe grand divisions of law is into di-
vine law and the law OF nature ; SO that
the study of law in general is the busi-
ness Of men and angels. Angels as
we'll as men may desire to look into
both the one and the other, but they
will never be able to fathom the depths
of either.'' sit is very odd," said Ser-
geant Channell to Thesiger, 4Sthat Tin
3rl] c},o,,ld I,or,o <3oo;lo1 oro;,,St ma r,y,
that point of law, which seemed to ME
as plain as a.: B, CO. YES; replied
.Ehesiger, "but Of what use is it that it
should have been as plain as a, K, G
to you if the judge was determined TO
be d, E, 4 10 it?'' A physician once
approached a learned counsel with what
Bentham would have called the lin
cognoscibility Of the technical terms
OF the law. Now, for example," said
he, II never could comprehend What
YOU meant by docking all entail ~
My dear DOCTOR replied the counsel,
~ don't wonder at that, but I Will soon
explain. The definition Of the phrase
is the doing.of that to which your pro-
fess1on never consents-sutfs1ing re-
covery." 81 remember WE'LL" says
Charles Phillips. in ''Curran and His
Contemporaries, sat
THE SLIGO SUMMER Ass1zEs
for 1912, being Of counsel in the case Of
the King against Fenton for the mur-
der of Major Hillas in duel. when old
Judge Fletcher thus capped his SUM-
ming up to tine jury: Gentlemen, it's
my duty to lay down the law 80 you,
and I will. The law says that the kill
ing of q man in duel is murder !;
therefore in The discharge Of my duty I
tell you so. But tell you at the same
time q, fairer duel than this I never
heard Of in the whole course Of my life!'
1t is scarcely necessary to add that
there was an Immediate acquittal. I"
I.eather-l.unged Scriven,'' the Irish
barrister, was very ugly man; his
complexion was like wash leather,
which had never been washed, Being
of high Tory politics, his practice in
the Irish law courts frequently brought
him in collision with Daniel O 'Conalell.
O'Connell was once retained in a Kerry
case, in which the venue or place Of
trial was laid in Dublin. O'Connell was
instructed to try and change the venue,
50 that the case might be tried in Ira
lee. This motion was resisted by
Scriven, the counsel opposed to O'Con-
nell. He stated that he had no know
ledge OF Kerry, and had never been in
that part of Ireland, "Oh," replied
IS we shall be glad to well
come my learned friend, and show him
the lovely lakes Of Killarney" YES"
growled scriven,''I suppose, the bot
tom Of them.'' Indeed. no. retorted
Dan, ''and for this simple reason--your
face would frighten the FISH, Dean
Swift, having preached an assize SER
mon i'm Ireland, was invited to dine
with the judges, and, having by his
sermon considered the uses and abuse
Of the law, he then pressed little hard
upon those counselors who plead causes
which they know in their consciences
to be wrong. When dinner was over
and tae wine began to circulate, a
young barrister retorted upon the dean,
and after some fencing, the counsellor
asked him: "If the devil were to die
might not a parson be found who for
money would preach his funeral SER
mon?" Eyes, SIR" quickly replied
Swift. 81 would gladly be the man,
and would then give the devil bis due,
as have this day done his children"
In speaking of a learned sergeant who
rave confused and elaborate explana-
ion of some point Of law, Curran OBJ
served that whenever that grave coun-
,ellor endeavored to uphold principle
If law, he put him in mind of a fool
whom he once saw try to open an oys-
;er with a rolling pin. An attorney in
Dublin having died in great poverty,
A SHILLING SUBSCRIPTION
vas set on foot to pay the expenses Of ;
us funeral. Most Of the attorneys and |=i
- r. al