Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-07-18
HOW SHE PUrs ON A BONNET.
You May Test It While Your wife 10 Get
ting Ready for Church.

Sun FfUlecitcO Ertut1cT.
did you ever notice how a woman puts
en- a bonnet?" asked an irreverent friend
Of mine not long ago.
mo? Then you have missed the enjoy
ment Of a most interesting performance. "
"HOw about men and their headpieces?"
said /, dreading what might follow if en-
couraged the least INSTRUMENTATION in re
gard to spring bOnnets-those mueh-abused
monuments of wOmen's rights and mems
wrongs. Besides, it is part of my religion
to defend spring bOnnets, anyhow.
when q man dOnS his headpieee he
merely claps the cover over his brOws, with
as little consideration rs one would drop
an extinguiSher over a candle. He simply
puts his hat on, and that in all there is in
the operation. Light or dark is all the
same TO him"
II don't believe it, =" was my ungraeious
comment Men are just as vain and con-
eeited as women are, and they try just as
hard to look well, too"
"Of course they are. Different men have
different ways OF pdtting on hat One
man SEXES his castor by the front OF the
brim and slaps it on his head with quick
turn of his wrist, in much the manner
used in turning a dapjack; another takes
hold of his hat one hand to the fore and
the other aft, and pulls it down with all
his might, rs though his plug head were
what it looks like, a CLAIMS head, and he
were removing the dingy night cap from 1t
preparatory to eating the clam. A third
LAYS hold of his hat by the gunwales, star
board and port, and carefully adjusts it in
an exact line with the horizon or at some
favorable angle, rs the case may be. In
either instance the operation IL done me-
chemically and requires no lOOking-glass or
other adventurous aid. There Is no art
in it. The act is a mere matter of dull rOu-
tine"
Ii did no good to stare Mt the wall and
pretend that / was not interested. He was
bent on SAYING something, and he con-
tinued:
with a woman how different When
she puts on her bonnet poem is created,
a picture is called into being, music Is
brought back to earth and the atmosphere
is saturated with sweet sounds.
He had quizzical look on his face, and
there was suspicious smile about his
mouth. wonder if he knew | had on a
new bonnet?
she brings forth band box (her plump
arms can scarcely clasp its aldermanic
waist, sets it upon chair or table, re-
moves the lid, and, with u sweet smile,
reaches down i'm the cayernous interior OF
that box and draws forth very tenderly
little, insignificant, Heterogeneous affair
that courtesy calls bonnet. To the male
eye it has neither beauty or cOmellneSs.
l knew ne was going to say 1t. Aren't
men hateful?
''But wait a bit, " he continued reckless
". Now she advances toward the mirror,
holding the delicate tritle before her, after
the manner in which careful housewife
carries painful to the bTim of hot fat. Ar
rived at the loOking-glass, she releases one
ear of the bonnet, and with the disengaged
hand deity brushes her front hair. Then
her hand resumes hold of the bonnet, and
the fellow hand in its turn pays attention
10 the clustering locks on its side OF the
house. Now both hands have the bonnet
in their gentle grasp. The fair creature
looks into the glass and remarks, apollo
getically, that her hair isn't fixed. She
feels that il is her duty to exhibit that bon
net in the most favorable manner She has
no excuse to make for its shortcomings; 1t
has none. 1t is herself alone, and always
her hair, that is responsible for anything
short of perfection when the nuptial knot
shall be tied under her chin and the bon
net and herself shlll be one glory"
And still she hasn't it on her head YETI
said l, not wholly Modified.
"Ah, no; she raises the airy nothing
aloft; her chin protrudes; her hand Osci-
lates; she cranes her neck and lunches her
shoulders while she adjusts the bonnet
aStride he pug and settles it down carefully
upon its hair sub-COuch. 1t Is now eN-
actly as it should be- There is no guess
work about it. Square, level and plumb
could not be more precise in results. Up
goes her rounded chin; the strings are tied
without the slightest wrinkling of the rib
bons; the ends are brushed out with q deli
cate slight of hand; the bows are picked
out flat and Square-nOt too flat nor too
squre-and long slender pho Is thrust re-
moselessly through the bow, the point,
naked and ungarded, prOtruding from the
thither side-a warning to all whom it may
concern that no tresspasers are allowed upon
the premises.