News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-08
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
THE LEISURE HOURS.
Capt. Pats EqunI-The Donation Party
Credit Mt the Stcre-The Tune was
Chnnged-He Would Call n-DOts
and Dashes, Etc, Etc,



and Dashes, Etc., Etc.
TALK TO YOUR EQUALS.
AS one of the PeDinsular and Oriental
Company's handsomely fitted steamers
was making her way to her moorings in
southampton Harbor, the officer in
charge found the passage blocked by a
dirty empty ballast barge, the only oc-
cupant of which was sitting down,
smoking short black pipe. Finding
he did not make any effort to get out OF
the way, the officer shouted to the man
in true nautical style. This at first met
with no response, but on its being re-
peated, the fellow rose, and, taking the
pipe from his mouth, said, Faith, are
you the captain o. that ship?" "No, y
was the reply, ''but am the chief Off
cer." Then talk to your equals, said
Pat; 81 am captain of this"
SHE WANTED To BORROW.
A Chicago woman entered the Office
Of loan agency the other day and said :
81 want to rai,e 81, 800 on So, 600
worth of furniture. What is your low
est rate of interest ?'
son such loans we generally ask ten
per cent"
every we'll. Send your examiner up
to the house. 1t is a speculation with
me-"
''GOing into business, ma'amw
eyes sir. Pm going to take my three
daughters to the seashore, and either
marry 'em off or drown 'emw-W Val
Street Daily Ne1cs.
A CREDTTABLE PERFORMANCE.
''Did they perform with creditp'
asked the advance agent of the proprie-
tor OF the hall, alluding to a theatrical
troupe that had performed there the
previous week.
''They did, indeed" said the hall
man, very emphatically. They got
credit at every store they could. The
hotel had to board them on credit, and
my hall rent was credited, too.
Shouldn't wonder if they had to work
the credit dodge on the railroad to get
to their next stand They performed
with credit all around. "-1erds SJtHgs.
TO SEE HIM EDIT.
An Atlanta reporter who once pulled
a hand press" on country weekly, tells
this story: One day while the paper
was being worked off man from the
country came in and walked all around
the room. finally stopping near the press
and watching the work very earnestly.
Anything can 40 LOT you, asked inc
man at the lever, pauslng between I'm
presslons. nav; was the reply, Il
ooh "ah' uo'Alh l JieC Coi!i0 AL W 8o0
- 'i'' ''"'''N '''''' ''''''''
TOO LATE.
az left a little check for $40, 900
AMONG the wedding piits," said the
girls father to his prospective son-in-
law, s.and after the ceremony is over we
will quietly tear it up. See2 That's
the style nowadays, George"
"he-es, hcsItated %eorge, that' S
the style' op1 l ~ all"lu II 'oo ia'e %
tear IL up now
.pooo,so wont dov,n +o tho bo,lr
and pot If cashed.n y
NE
Young fastor-here fastor-:ih7ere Is eau, my
dear. to ProdgerVllle, N. D.. l here 1t
40 " OSSNNNAN-
Young Wlte-l am SO glad, Charles.
''The salary IS very falr. One thous-
and year, the parsonage, ana TWO DO
nation parties year. mat 90 you
think o! that n,a,..o
thliih' onal lcs' tn%' W Iit'" "o''o- 80
IA 40 donation naIties PbiLqdei,,6in
oil
0' ,,
WIEN he "Ho LII Nn'
Charley Longbow-1es, an lnveterate
smoker uses the weed merely from hablt:
Why, knew an OLD fellow VINO smoked
all the time, and one Gay hliea ms
pipe with leather chlps' anu ne sald IL
" GO c. W., ,,ust Iook much younror
than Won really are.
Ue.Er- why2
Sba-Whv mana saws he heard that
,+orI wben he was a little boy.-Iife
-----,
'Ai"'
A western man "ens Win his sweet
heart to Justice OF the Peace 10 get
married. 1he magistrate performed the
ceLe i9 Ill ,,,uob do 7 how 10 nav
We. Square ?n 1.-The law allows me a
dollar and a half,n said the Justice.
s.Well. ri tell We what I'll do said the
hr;daoroom takino a half n dollar from
his nocket sI'Il make it two dollars for
yer,
,,o,,-, ,,,,,, ,,,,>,
- ne 49, od59nonti,SSos -
rights any more"
.'She has quit woman's rights bust
ness and taken up the woman's lefts."
s.What the mischief is a woman's
left z" "
"Women's lefts are widowers. She
has married widower."
.,.nn
rrn,r;on oor i,,ror s,roods rovs
naper upon the floor and places q Young
woman upon it, whom he covers with a
niece of silk and then causes to disap-
near. We have never seen this trick
here, but we have known man to put
$50, 600 on a newspaper and it has DIS
appeared before he could cover it with
anything Boston Commercial Bulletin
NOT VERY DUSTY.
Mrs. Maternal (conversing with a
friend at whose house she ise calling, is
disturbed by seeing her little daughter
in another part of the room examining
some ornamcnts)-Hortense, dear, l
wouldn't touch those things.
Hortense-Oh, they're not so very
Slx-year-old frltz mas an unpounded
hulnlIaIloii iol ms "iiel0 .>e"' III al