The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1886-07-20
Bill Nye's Views of the Sphere Up
on Which We Live.

OAA w AASA w " AANOe
The earth is that body in the solar
system which most OF my readers now
reside upon. and which some oil them,
regret to say. modesily desire to own
and control. forgetting that the earth is
the Lords and the fulness thereof
SINE men do not care who owns the
earth so long as they get the fulness.
The earth is 500,00O, 900 years oil
age, according to Professor Proctor, bu,
sbe doesn't look like 1t TO me. The
Duke Of Argyll maintains that she is
100000 years old last August, but
what does an ordinary duke know abou,
these tbings7 So far as / am concern.
ed / will put Proctor's memory against
that OF any low. priced duke that have
ever seen.
Newton claimed that the earth would
gradually dry up and become porous and
that water would at last become curl.
osity. Many believe this and are rapid.
ly preparing their systems by rigid
course Of treatment, 80 that they can
live for years without the use of water
internally or externally. Other scien-
fists who have set up nights 10 monkey
with the solar systems, and thereby
shattered their nervous systems, claim
that the earth Is getting topheavy at the
North Pole, and that one of these days,
while we are thinking Of something else,
the great weight o! accumulated ice,
snow, and the vast accumulation of sec
ond hand Arctic relief expeditions, will
jerk the earth out OF it's present position
WITH 80 much spontaneity, and in such
an extremely forthwith manner, that
many people will be permanently strabis-
mussed and much bric.a.bric will be for
sale at a great sacrifice. This may or
may not be tue. have not been up in
the Arctic regions 10 investigate its truth
or fsI.ity though there seems 10 be a
growing. sentiment throughout the couu-
try in favor OF my going. A great many
people during the past year have written
me and given me their consent.
II could take about twenty good,
picked men and 60 up there for the sum-
mer, instead of bringing back twenty
picked men. wouldn't mind the trip,
and ! feel that We really ought 10 have a
larger colony on the ice in that region
than We now have.
The earth is composed OF land and
water Some of the water has large
chunks Of ice In IL. The earth revolves
Oh its own axis once in twenty-four
hours, though it seems to revolve faster
than that and to wobhle good deal du.
ring The holidays Nothing tickles the
earth moe than to confuse man when
he is coming bone late at night, and
then to rise mp suddenly and bit him in
the back with town lot. People who
think there is no fun or relaxation
among the heavenly bodies certainly
have not studied their habits. Even the
moon is humorist.
A friend of mine who was returning
late at night from a regular meeting OF
the Society for the Amelioraiion of Hot
Scotch said that the earth rose up sud.
denly and bit him with g right Of way,
and IS he was about to rise up again be
vas stunned by terrific blow between
tie shoulder blades with an old land
grant that be thought had lapsed years
ago. When he staggered 10 his feet he
found that the moon, in order to add to
his confusion, had. gone down in front
OF him and risen again behind him, with
her thumb on her nose
So, I say, without 'ear OF successful
contradiction, that II you do not think
that planets and orbs and one thing and
another have fun on the quiet you are
grossly ignorant of their habits.
The earth is about half way between
Mercury and Saturn in the matter ol
density. Mercury is OF about the spe.
ci6c gravity OF iron, while that of Sa.
turn Corresponds with that OF cork in
the matter Of density and specific grav-
ity. The earth, OF course, does not
compare With Mercury in the matter ol
solidity, yet it is amply firm for all prac.
tical purposes. A negro who fell out oi
the tower of twelve.story building
while trying to clean the upper window
by drinking quart OF alcohol and then
breathing hard on the glass, says that be
regards the earth perfectly safe to dc
business on Tor years to come. He
claims that those who maintain that tht
earth's crust is only $500 miles in thick.
ness have not thoroughly tested the
matter by system Of practical expert
ments.