Morning journal and courier., 1886-05-17
ONLY.

The President has only few weeks more in which to sew on his own buttons.-Phila- delphia Gall.
 An intelligent bull always charges at red flag. There are some really good points in a bull.-Buffalo Commercial.
 The fashionable young man will be clothed so loudly this season that you can hear his pants in the summer.-Boston Commercial.
 "What would a woman do without her looking glass;" is asked. Use another's. You can't stick 8 woman as easy as you think.-Binghamton Republican.
 Schwatka, on being interviewed, says: ''No, you never can reach the pole with a balloon; but you can reach" the balloon with pole, if it sails pretty low.-Puck.
 It is said that shingles may be made fire proof, but you cannot convince the small boy who has had any experience that shin gle is not frequently red hot.-Lowe1l Citi- zen.
 disgusted Boston paper says Miss Charles Egbert CraddocI ATurfree is to marry raw boned Tennessee mountaineer. Does it want her to marry a man whose bones have been cooked?-New Orleans Pic ayune.
 'How do you sell those bustlesa" inquired a lady of one of our clerks the other day. He looked in the direction indicated, and then blushed clear to the roots of his hair as he explained to the lady that they were not wire bustles. but baseball rnasks.-Dansville Breeze.
 How to Spread It.-'I have a circular here which would like to give thu widest pub licity to- said Smithfield street merchant to friend. ''How had better ge about ita" "Well, was the reply, "the best plan I know of is to address it to the Knights of Labor and mark it Strictly Private and Confden- tial. '"-Pittsburg Telegraph Chronicle.
 ''John," said Mrs. Smith, ''ths is your birthday, isn't it?" "Yes, my dear" s'Well, I have birthday present for you. See here.'' "A pair of opera glassesl How thepe}ho5bfn' i!s e,}hobn tbav yi ,vii1 S So1e 1e ro,, e.e. becoming bald headed. tiHow, my dear?" "You can see the performance without sitting in the front row.''-Puck.
 The Uses of Adversity.-In Jersey City the other day a man was shot deac in horse car l the result of an effort to be polite and give | e. .9dy his seat. It was not the effort which Alta hint YVES pistol in the hands of 8 I1 Iu!nA1 fellow who wanted tLs seat himself | Ita Lnls "aEa deplorable occurrence in itself, t nu' IL nasN Nad the most lively result among ' ene pusiness .9ln s men of San Francisco, who vest pockets, and NSe. a lady enters the car 1 where they are cemtsrtasly installed they pull out the paragraph Ly Way of explana- l ton, apologize for the seelsinI -.lden.ss and remain stolidly seated.-San Francis NeWs. | Letter.
 A Smart Conductor.-A 'fmixed" train was proceeding at the usual rate on Dakota road, when it suddenly started up and began | to run much faster. An astonished passen ger called the conductor and said: "Aren'
 we running about twice as fast as usuala'
 "Yes." "Going down hilla'' ''No." "Win6 changed and helping along2" fsI guess not" 'sEngineer drunks" 'tNo more thai
 is customary. I'll tell you, though; wev' sighted man walking about a mile ahea6 on the track, and Pm going to catch hin and make him get on and pay his fare if
 have to run the wheels all off and have tn
 cars dragging on the rails. The rules forbi' any man trying to beat tLe company thi way. y."-Esteline (Dak.) Bell.