Smyrna times., 1886-06-23
Sharp, Short and Sunny.

1t is time to begin mixing red paint
for Fourth of July purposes.
An excellent quality of paper has
been made from the pulp of bananas.
In London they no longer call blood
and thunder stories 'penny dreadfuls,"
but shilling shOckers."
Z Speaking Of drinking, it may be OBJ
served that the man who "can take it
or leave it alone" generally takes it.
A sewing machine does the work of
twelve women. The United States ex-
ports 10j,000 Of these machines yearly.
Miss Cleveland declares that she
may get married n dozen time, but she
will never order her trOusseau from
Paris.
An exchange says: "MonOpOlies are
reaching out further with alarming
rapidity." The same may be said of
hustle.
Several men have already become
violently insane endeavOring to
enumerate the boarding houses in the
Catskill Mountains.
In Chicago girls wear wool hats to
the theatres. They are said to be all
wool, and when you get behind them
they are yard wide.
A lady once said she could always
know when she had taken too much
wine at dinner-her husbands jokes
began to seem funny.
The fruit inspectors seized 100 boxes
of green apples which had been ship
ped to New York by the Old Dominion
Line, one day last week.
1t is said 10000 families in Chicago
are without Bibles. The 10000 other
families who have Bibles they never
use should come to the rescue.
A Nebraska farmer advertises for Il
wife six feet in height, who must be an
atheist, not less than 250 pounds in
weight, and an accomplished hustler"
A hotel keeper at Pukwana, Dakota,
advertises cyclone cellar" with an
easy slide into it in case of danger, as
one of the attractions Of his establish
ment.
One thing the Catsllill Mountains are
not troubled with-gamblers. That
class of contemplate fellows ply their
profession" at the seashore, at Sara
tOga, &c.
Rev. DR.. Talmage preached a sermon
Sunday, in the Brooklyn Tabernacle
on the poverty among the working
classes caused by the use of intoxica-
ting liquors.
Belfast is beautiful CITY architectur-
ally and otherwise, but the finest CITY
in the world can be turned into Il
Hades by a gang Of worthless, hot
headed ruflians.
Georgia is likely to be known as the !
Mother of Evangelists. The Rev. J.
II. Munday is her latest product in this |
line, and he is said to be doing a great
at Columbia, Tenn.
It's predicted that 70 per cent. oftbe
girl babies of Democratic proclivities !
born IN this country during the next |
Inree months will be named either |
Frances or frankie Folsom.
A track of 1900 acres of rich lands
has been found near Dodge CITY. Kan.
to which the Government had no sufii- |
cient title. Over 200 squatters have |
taken up claims on the lot.
The Dominion Parliament has been
much less merciful to bogus butter |
than our Congress. 1t has passed a |
law absolutely prohibiting its manu-
iacture, sale or importation.
1t is beautiful sight to behold the
Executive with his chin in air posing |
peacefully while the first lady in the |
land sews on missing button. This !
IS true JeifersOnian simplicity.
1t is characteristic of the social and |
moral standing Of the Socialists of New |
York that their leader Justus Il. SchwaL /
was arrested last week, and held for |
trial for selling liquor without license.
A Western man claims that he can
raise cyclones at. will. But that's mot
remarkable; any married man can do
that. What the West is really yearn-
ing for IS "A man who can subdue them.
A dreamy writer says it would be-
curious 10 follow a pound of silk from
lts spinning until it becomes a ladv's
dress. No doubt, but most men would
prefer 10 FOLLOW 10 after it ncc:linc Il
dress and While the lady was Ia il.
Attorney General Garland would
not 90 to the wedding because he viii |
not wear d..-- -.it II Uouid h,v,
beei Dtl It and the Admins
tratiOn If he had been as sensitive nb,I.t
getting into suits Of IL different cbaroC-
ter. ''''' '''
a year ago an clipping couple rode
twenty miles on horseback To be mar
RED, with the girls father in close plir
suit. fhey won the race. The vouno
lady spends large portion of her tirnt.
now regretting that they didn't lose
the race.
sAn Illinois DEMOCRATIC paper recent
ly printed such an unspeakallv hod
portrait of Mr. Cleveland that twenty
local Democrats at once STONED their
paper. lnnumerable dangers Inrk
around the path Of the editor who tries
% be- too artistic.
a Lowell woman has This sion in b,r
gafdrn; God help the child who tres
passes upon these grounds" ~ which
The Boston Herald would add: God
help the man who has to live with the
Woman ", who puts up such a sign. -
JKaterbs,y AaericQa.
That is indeed a singular statement
that comes from Munich that the King
Of bavaria drowned himself to prove
that he was not mad No wonder that
ne iorf1Bnpress, ,unaccustOmed 10 han
.die sensations, Is vague and unsatisfac-
tory about this tragic event.
:, DO yeu sc that man2 That is
Phanaeh iianzs tbe successful gambler.n
lnaeel y thai hcf They say his
description"
=" shouldn't wonder If IL did. Il
beggafs every one he plays with. -
Chicago Rambler
Aoliun- pnaIl.... n..d ta.ll.L1