Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-01-10
AN AWFUL WARNING,
The FrlghtfuI Adventures of Mr..
Thomas Kirk,
As Related by HimseIf---The Scrape he
Got Into Through an Innate
Desire to Fljrt.

Desire to FIjrt,
In a neighboring town there ia a youth
OF good family and considerable respects
biHiy who has q weak point-sn Unborn
desire to airt with any and ali susceptible
women, pot-golrg out Of his way TO learn
whsther their STATE ia connubial or other
wise; and on 10 occasion allowing gu op-
portuni,y for q good time to pass like sun
beams by.
This proclivity has gotten the above
mentioned gentleman into more than one
scrspe and may result in his assassination
if he does noI swear OF while So is snll
new.
Il LATEsT EPISODE
| of this adolecent youths life occurred last
week and is described by himself TO an III
innate friend about as tollowa:
Nearly q month ago | was coming
from Bridgeport on the cars when | no
ticed q real pretty head protruding from q
window. | made an off hand motion and
and received for an answer 8 pleasant
smile and q nod of the head from the
pre,,y brunette in the window. | had
never seen her before, but | resolved to
see her again as 500 as possible.
a few days later | wa near the post,
office in my town when the same Identical
lady,
A WELL. FORMED, PRETTY FACED CREATURE
/ of perhaps twenty-five years of age, came
by. As she passed l smiled and she recog-
utzed me. | felt that | was coming along
swimmingly.
Shortly after | was passing her home,
more on purpose than b. accident, as tate
seemed determined to get me into trouble.
gsw her again. This time our Irritation
lasted till | got out Of sight, md did not
hurry, either. .,
Things west on as nicely as | could
wish till one night last week | concluded
TO call and see my mash. 1t vas at eight
. o'clock, an hour | thought conventional
. and I believe, acknowledged 30 by author
ity. | knocked on the door, 6nd behold,
could luck be better? There stood my
hearts fruit in the door.
she ASKED NE II,
and Of course | went. She put my hat
away. did not object She said looked
real well this evening. | acqulesced and
returned the compliment. On. ye gods OF
love, could | be happier could more pro
found bliss be the experience OF man.
Bat it was all to fade away so soon.
She stepped TO an inside door aud called,
'Jasn. 'Jawn.' Thinks |, who the devil is
John? But | was not kept long in wait
ing.
John entered, and my intended darling
in the most ceremonious way, said This
is my husband Mr.. -; excuse me cir,
addressing myself, but | believe | do not
know your name? | was prepared 10 give
a name, for | had expected to be called
upon 10
INTRODUCE MYSELF,
bat not to "a husband, so blurted out the
alias | had prepared-Kin is my name
Thomas Kink.'
This settled the matter for O few
minutes, and we talked about the weather,
the probabilities for a severe winter, etc.
nv dear and her husband quoting the
adage, thin corn husks to.etell a mild
winter, etc.
Il Was really growing interested NOT in
the conversation, but in the situation, and
had lust remarked that the robins would
probably nest again soon, when my life,
IA | had called her several times the pre-
vious day, and my death, as | o feared
she would be,-calmly remarked Pardon
me, sir, but you have not as yet stated
your business here.
Il WAS not expecting sucha break, but
did nv best to meet it. Being noted for
nv versatility, | concluded Immediately
that a sewing machine agent is the cheek
lest fellow in the world, so | said: Il ON
agent for the New Howe and the light
running Domestic" and being on my way
TO Wheeling | concluded to make
Anew BUSINESS CALLS
en- route. even though it is somewhat after
business hours. | always feel sure OF find
ing a m6u aud his wife at home at this
hour. and as you may guess it is always
moge convenient to talk business to both
thai TO one member OF a firm 80 closely
connected as are the heads Of one family.
1t prevents the otherwise Necessary delay OF
the one consulting the other.
II was lust thinking what an elegant
and we'll fitting buzz | had given them
when 'Jawn' arose, aud coming close TO
me, said My young friend, | have not
known you long, out ! will take the liberty
Of telling you that you are q liar and a
fool, even though your tongue is slick
enough 10 Justify you IN entering almost
any crooked path with q hope Of not stun,
bling. l know who you are, and
KNOW YooR REASONS
for coming here. You may lie the agent
Tor come Light running domestic but Rs
long as my wife is well and [ am able tC
lick such fellows as you for calling on her
| uasd no such domestic appliance.
when he ended this speech he had me
by the collar aud my brunette had opened
the door.
"Yeo, he kicked me, aud not only that,
but he ruined my tight pants by throwing
me on my knees, and | had to make my
way home through slley9, barehesded.
The next day as | was limping around
at my work, a email boy with a grin on bis
face came in and handed me a band box,
neatly tied up, and a sealed envelope tas'
tened under the string.
| opened the envelope and read the
following
GOOD ADVICE.
-, alias Thomas kink:
DEAR SIR You did 10 particular