The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1886-12-24

Bill Nye has furnished The New York
World the following copy Of cable dispatch
Just forwarded to the allied powers OF Eu-
rope:
SLIPPERY ELMHURsT
HUDSON, Wis, Nov. 20.
To the allied powers, care Of Lord Sails
bury:
GENTLEMEN-Your favor of recent date
regarding my acceptance of the Bulgarian
throne, which is now vacant and for rent,
in which note you tender me the use OF said
throne for one year, with the privilege or
three, is at hand. You also state that the
allied powers are not favorable to Prince
Nicholas and that you would all prefer
dark horse. Looking over the entire list OF
obscure men, it would seem you have
been unable TO fix upon a man who has
made a better showing in this line than L
have.
While I thank you for this kind offer Of
throne that has, as you state, been newly
refitted and refurnished throughout, | must
decline it for reasons which l will try to
give in my own rough, unpublished way.
In the first place / read in the dispatches
to-day that Russia is modelling her troops,
and / do not want anything to do with
country that will treat its soldiers in that
way Troops have certain rights as well
as those who have sought the pleasanter
walks of peace.
That is not all. do not care to enter
into a squabble in which / am not interested.
Neither do | care to go to Bulgaria in the
capacity of a carpetbag monarch, from the
ten cent counter, wearing a boiler iron
overcoat by day and stab proof corset at
night. / have always been in favor of Bull
garia's selection of monarch viva voce or
vox populi, whichever you think would
look the best in print
/ hate to see a monarch in hot water all
the time and threatening to abdicate. Sup
posing he does abdicate, what good will that
do, when he leaves q widow with nothing
but a second hand throne and crown two
sizes too small for his successor? | have
always said, and / still say, that nothing
can be more pitiful than the sight of
lovely queen, whose husband, in a wild
frenzy of remorse, has abdicated himself.
Nothing, repeat, can be sadder than this
picture of deserted queen, left high and
y.
the pawnbrokers with little plated fluted
crown with rabbit skin ear tabs on it
We are prone to believe that a monarch
has nothing to do but issue a ukase or
mandamus and that he will then have all
the funds he wants; but such is not the case.
Lots of our most successful mOnarchs are
liable to be overtaken any year by long,
cold winter and found as late as Christmas
reigning in their summer scepter.
| am inclined also to hesitate about ac-
cepting the Bulgarian throne for another
reason-I do not care to be depOsed when
! want to be doing something else. have
had my deposition taken several times and
it did not look like me either time.
| think that you monarchs ought TO stand
by each other more. If you would form a
society of free and Independent monarchs
there in EuroI5e, where you are so plenty,
you could have a good time and every little
while You could raise your salaries if you
worked it right.
Now voI pull and haul each other all the
time arl keep yourselves in hot water day
and night That's no way for dynasty
any more than any one else. 1t impairs
your usefulness and fills our Geographic
columns full OF names that we cannot pro-
nounce Every little while we nave to pay
the operator at this end OF the cable $40 for
writing in a rapid. flowing hand that
meanwhile Russia viii continue TO disre-
gard the acts of the Sobranje. -
Way should a great country like Russia
90 about trying to make trouble with low
priced Sobranje? / think that "A closer al
lance of crowned heads, whose interests are
identical, would certainly relieve the mono
tony of many long, tedious reign. If
were TO accept the throne of Bulgaria,
which is not likely, so long as my good
right arm can still jerk a fluent crosscut
saw in the English tongue, ! would form
syndicate Of monarchs, with grips, pass
words, explanations and signals; every
scepter would have a cOntralto whistle in
the butt end which could be used as a sign
of distress, while the other end could have
cork in it, and then steering a tottering
dynasty down through the dim vista of
crumbling centuries would not be so irk
some as it now is.
AS it is now, three or four allied powers
ask man to leave his business and squat
on a cold, hard throne for a mere pittance,
and then just as he begins to let his whis-
kers grow and learns to dodge big porce-
lain bomb those same allied powers jump
ON top of him all spraddled out aud ask him
for his deposition. That is no way TO treat
an amateur monarch who is trying TO do
right
You can see that unless you stand by each
other the thrones of Europe will soon be
empty and every 50 day hotel in America
will have an heir apparently to the throne
for head waiter, with a coronet put in on
his clothes with rubber stamp and loaded
scepter up his sleeve.
If you want to rear your children to love
and respect the monarchy industry you
must afford them better protection / say
this as man who may not live TO be over
100 years of age, and with my feet thus set
Ting into the DOGGY shores of time let me
beg Of you, monarchs AMI monarchesses,
to make your calling an honorable one.
Teach your children and their children to
respect the business by which their parents
earned their bread. Show them that il is
honorable to empire country if they do it