Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-10-16
POST OFFICE PUZZLES.
Some Facts and Figures About the
Titles of American Towns.

Ac as Ouly posi- Oulce CleIh, Out MS
lamentations over the "cussedness"-as
he termed it--of mankind would have
made even the melancholy Jacques smile.
Picking up soiled and iuk-blotted en-
velope he read:
MR.. JOHN CRUGER, A. NJ,
Adams,
Ohio.
"Now," said he, "what Adamsl This
fellow perhaps doesn't know that there
are in the State of Ohio precisely eleven
towns named to commemorate the one
original and genuine Adam, who throve
In Eden some years ago. These eleven
towns are in as many different counties
why, no one can say. But how am to
know what Adams is honored by the pos
session OF Cruger, A. M? They must
have been hard up for names when they
named towns IN the Buckeye State. And
what patriots they are out there! DO
you know that there are twenty-five
towns called Liberty in Ohio? It's a
fact"
"But Missouri can 60 Ohio one better
on Liberties. She has twenty-siX towns
where they shout Liberty and feel free"
This was said by another clerk. The
first speaker returned:
They all love 1t in the West. Indiana
nineteen. Kansas sixteen, Pennsylvania
seven, and other States in proportion"
"Talk about Names" chimed in u vet
eran, 'think of Lincoln. He was born In
Illinois, and they named two towns after
him, but Oh, how they loved the martyr
President in Iowai There are thirty
eight Ltncolns in Iowa. They liked Doug
las pretty well, too, as they named seven
teen towns after him"
nf Iva dn
know how many Edens there arew some
body asked.
"Only four"
'Four Edens for eleven Adamses! Are
there any Evesp
''Not an Eve. There's an Eyesborough
in New Jersey, though"
"Grant was popular man in Iowa."
said No. 1. "There are twenty-nine
towns named for him in that State"
"And twenty in Kansas"
"And twelve in Michigan and ten in
Missouri"
LAS to that" said the veteran, ''all our
Generals were popular from Washington
down. We have, all told, 257 towns
named for the Father of His Country.
Iowa has 80 of these, Indiana has At, Ohio
At, Missouri 26, Pennsylvania %, and the
rest OF the States two OF three apiece.
There are 200 towns of jackson, 80 of
Warren besides a number of Warrens-
burgs, 36 SCOTS, Al Shermans, 81 Sheri-
dams, II Harrisons, ana so on"
Glow about Commodoresr
''Perry heads the list with Il towns to
his credit. Decatur comes next with 81
and Decaturville."
"HOw about the Presidentsg
Nv ashington with his 257 first, Of
course. The Adamses had between them
~, Jefferson 142, Monroe SO. Madison 90,
Van Buren, %, Jackson 200. Taylor "a,
Harrison II, Tyler A, Polk 90, Pierce 8,
Buchanan u, Lincoln 107, johnson %,
Grant "a, Hayes Is, Garfield 4, Arthur 3,
lands, all named before we knew Grover
[. don't know how many of them he
will claim.
1.-THE whole business Of naming places
1s carried on. in ridiculous fashion,"
continued the CLERK Ppm in favor of
leaving the matter to commission elect
ed or appointed for the express purpose
OF selecting names for towns. name
once selected should be copyrighted or
made kind of trademark so that no
other place could use il. Think of 257
Washingtons! Nonsense. Then people
can choose sometimes the most outland.
ISM names in the world, names that mean
absolutely nothing. Here was town in
Georgia called for twenty years Postum
Trot. Then it was changed to Pine Log,
and finally Frank Hatton, seeing that the
people there didn't know enough to Sc
lect respectable name, lent them his
own, and Postum Trot-Pine Log is now
Nationwide. Then there is place known
VariOusly by the names Shady Grove,
Shake Rag and Shirt Tail. What do they
mean and what kind Of people would give
such names to towns? A fancy for GER
tain names, like Union and Centre, seems
at times to spread over the country like
an epidemic, and there il great scramble
to stick them on to towns regardless OF
the eternal fitness OF things. There was
time in New York--it was in the DAYS
of De Witt Clinton, l think-when it was
considered the height of idiocy even to
mention other than a classic name for a
town. Think OF the classic { p towns of
the Stated
"The Notwithstanding, most at
tractive names we have in America are
those handed down to us by the Indians.
What are more euphonious than COSTA.
nsula, Altamaha, Chattanooga, Etowah.
Chappaqua, ChautauquR and the like?
Aud yet within the last few years there
has appeared a disposition to discard
these beautiful relics and substitute such
vulgarisms as Dirt-tOwn, Hog-wallow.
Swine-snout, Boomerang, etc. There's a
town In New Jersey called PIuckemin.
which, suppose, literally means Pluck
'em-in. Overisel, in Michigan, no doubt
means that I-over-sell every body else.
Louisiana has town OF 143 inhabitants
called Many. Many what? Left Hand,
in Colorado, signifies, l take it, that il
was founded by some left handed gold
digger. JOY, in Wayne county, New
York, may cause strangers to feel happy.
Helltown, in California, can mean only
one thing. The place is no doubt APP
propriately named. WHAT L. B. means
in Maryland am at loss to understand.
Perhaps Too Bad or Terrible Boy,or, any,
how, something so awful that it had to be
abbreviated. But it is tiresome to go
over the list. The only thing to do is to
appoint a commission, as | have sug-
gested. When you want to give a foreign
correspondent a cable address you can
not select one yourself, but must apply TO
the manager of the cable office, so as TO
avoid duplication. Let towns be named
in the same way. First get your site,
then apply to the commission for a name
Don't you seew