The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1886-03-19
WIT AND HUMoR.

GOT gan 10 wake man out OF sound
sleep to tell him what you think. -
Judge.
The Chinese at Carson have served
notices on four leading business mon of
Carson, New, that they will cease to trade
with men who take active part in the
anti-Chinese movement. San F'rdncis-
Go Bulletin.
A Kansas man is saving wood in the
navy-yard at Washington. Thus the
unexpected happens. He went there
for post-oflice commission and, up to
date, can only say: came saw =
Boston Record.
"Some ono in England has put the
Salvation Army into u novel;" This
must be an agreeable change for the
army. Heretofore the rule seems to
have been to pnt it into a station-house.
Norristo,g,s'Herald.
Wife Cooking over, the paper)-'I
see.thatC otopaxi is experiencing some
inte1al disorders Husband Gndffer-
entity PIN glad of it. Now that we
have American opera we are perfectly
independent OF those foreign artists. -
Puck. sr
Afamily dialogue: Paterfamlias- My
boy, shall have to. punish you for
breaking this vase" Sister Nell-"He
didn't break it, papa" Paterfamilias-
''How do you knowP" Sister Nell (tri-
umphantly )-'I saw him didn'tr'-Bos-
ton Record.
Twelve lawyers stood at the windows
in the Circuit Court room recently
watching q sparrow-hawk plucking the
feathers from sparrow which he had
captured for his breakfast. The scene
was very interesting to the attorneys
WarsdU (Va.) Herald.
The Squire Have you engaged your
new curate yet, Mrs. Whippynhamp'
The rectoress mo; it's rather difficult.
You see, Maud and Ethel insist on his
being a good lawn-tennis player, and
they won't stand what they call duff
Ter. "-London Punch.
Mrs. Dusenbury-"O dear, I'm SO
tworried about my catsup." Mr.. Dusen-
<bery- ''What's the matter with.it? Can't
give it awayp" mo, | can't keep it
from working. Do you know of any
way to stop itp'' "a very easy one, my
dear. just send it to congress. "-Phila-
dclphsa Call.
Charles Egbert Craddock remarks in
a recent work that "a star of abnormal
glister might palpitate with some fine
supernal thrill of dawn" Is it possible
that residence in the suburbs of st.
Louis has affected Charles Egbert Grad
docks stylep Down there they call the
sort of thing quoted eloquent writing
Chicago Tribune.
f.There is good deal of religion in
nature, solemnly remarked young Alb
crdeen clergyman calling upon II lady
Of his congregation recently. There
is, was the quiet reply. 1--WE should
never forget that there is sermon in
every blade Of grass" ''Quite true. We
should also remember that grass is cut
very short sometimes.
A citizen stepped into an uptown
drugstore and called for couple of
pills which he swallowed. "How rnuch?'
he asked. .Fifty cents, SIR" Fifty
cents! Why, the druggist 0 n the block
below never charged me more than
five. "Then Ill make 'em four, I'll
drive that man out of business if have
TO sell goods at cost. "-Ha,pey's Bdsar
Never do anything hastily. A man
nit Atlanta, Ca, after the prohibition
triumph in that city sent clear to New
ark, MI, and paid $50 for mad dog
before learning that whisky is not used
ms an antidote in hydrophobia. He
might have sent to Texas and got
snake for 10 cents that would have been
of some account to him. - Brooklyn
Eagle.
Stockton Mother Geprovingly)-"And
doesn't my little boy ask too rudely?
Give me this and Give me that won't
do, my son. How can you justify such
Anterior Suddenly re-
alinded) ''Why, hummer, you'sef
learnt rs Just as / am, without one
please. The quotation being map.
plicablcs The petitioner was remanded.
~ Cali ornia Mavcrick.
First Tramp tive got a brilliant
scheme to raise the Wind Second
Tramp Lets have it." .You and / 90
along the street and when we get in
nice benevolent neighborhood you fall
down with a spasm or heart-dsease, or
something of chat kind, and I'll strike
the neighbOrEoood for money to buy
medicine. See? "Yes, see, but what
do getP' 20, you get sick. - PAtla-
tlelqohia CdN
An Elk Neck girl drew q Delaware
young man fifteen miles to see her last
week, anow-banked roads and all. He
had a pretty hard time of it between
riding IN Tie carriage, riding on the
horse 3 bacls,and, discarding both horse
and carriage, going it on foot. But he
got there. When man starts to see an
Elk Neck girl he always does ..get
there The is bound to-and that settles
It. 1tjo,t Nd Neacs.
Woman 90 tramp) -"If you'll shovel
"a Ne sidewalk. an saw that pile o.
WOOL an pump tub o. water, an fill
tt6 wood-box, I'll give We cold bite
when YOU get through Tramp (sadly)
Madam, II i were to put anything
cold on my stomach after all that exer-
ore I would have q fito indigestion
TINT would stagger the whole medical
profession. / mn not an ostrich, madam,
nor On Xnglishman. Good morning"
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