The Labor enquirer., 1886-07-31
A Convention of Economics
Reported by Ned
Maketracks.
An Investigation Into the Causes
of the Haymarket
Massacre.
Tom Paine's "Spooks Called to Tes-
tify, and Land Rent
Placed In Chains.
TBY ZENo.l

does the short hand reporter. This &C.
counts for the fact that Ned Maketraeks
fell asleep during the trial of the Anarch-
lists at Chicago one day last week. The
name of Ned Maketracks does not ap
pear as an employe of the state. He
was only practiclng in the gallery. The
court adjourned, and everyone left the
court room leaving Ned asleep un-
noticed.
When he awoke it was almost dark
1t was exactly midnight and the dim
light came from the moon in the south
which frightened Ned with its blood red
tinge. He stretched himselfand ynwned,
wondering how he would get out of the
building, but happening to glance at the
Judges bench he was amazed to sea a
beautiful young lady occupying that seat
of honor. By pair of scales and robe
which she had thrown aside, Ned recog-
niZed her as Jrstice, the lady so often
exposed to inclement weather on cor
nices and chpolas, along with the
weather-yanes. At this moment she
had taken off her glasses and was ar
ranging her bangs by means of small
hand mirror. From her expression Ned
judged that she was satisfied with her
apr Learance. So was Ned.
On looking around the room, Ned was
nearly thrown into spasmsr of fright at
seeing dozen or more ghostly forms
seated in the jury box and elsewhere.
What did it mean2
Justice finished lovely "crinkle" to
her hair, and leaned back placidly.
Some of the Ghosts are rather late to-
night" she remarked.
A murmur of respectful assent arose
from the punctual spooks, and had
scarcely subsidized, when a cool breeze
waited in two or three good sized spirits.
Others came at short intervals, slngly
and in pairs. until the arrivals ceased
Must be a mass meeting" thought
Ned. He resolved to conquer his fear
and see it through, for be had not been
noticed evidently.
Il called this meeting for u o. lock"
began Miss Justice II hope it will not
again be delayed beyond that hour. The
secretary, Mr. Order, will please call the
roll"
Ned was seized with sudden resolve.
He would copy the proceedings verbatim
and make his mark by reporting this
strange meeting, he being the only wit
ness of it
The following delegates answered the
call of their names: Constitution, Lib
ertY, Municipal Ordinance, Strike, Scab,
Boycott, Posse Comitatus, Free Speech,
Wage Fund. Right to Bear Arms, Old
FogY, Chattel Slavery, Overproduction !,
Machinery, Equality, Eight Hours,
Land Rent, Sanctity. Malthus, the
Mikado, Corporation, Profit, Usury, Long
Hours, Privilege, Communism, Prva'
Property, and Progress,
Its convention of Economics, con
clnded Ned.
Justice began by saying: Though
public sentiment honors my sex when
ordering statue of me, vet ladies are
not allowed to occupy the bench in act
ual practice" This With touch of
irony.
IF they were" she continued, this
convention very likely would never
have been necessary. have called you
here tc consider the same matter that is
under consideration by the earthly court
now sitting in this very room. MANY
men were killed by a very unfortunate
affair. In nv opinion the parties being
tried are innocent; but wish to ascer-
tain the cause of the act rather than the
perpetrator, for you all know We must
look back of every crime for the force
that impelled it. / have called tlis
convention of Social Elements believing
that the guilty party is among you at
this moment"
These words threatened to cause a
stampede. A few spooks looked guilty.
around, while some started for the
windows. But Miss ]. was prepared.
She had stationed the stalwart spirits
Of Public Opinion and Investigation at
the only exit, with drawn swords,
Rather than criminate themselves, the
delegates sat down.
II now ask for an expression OF
opinion from any of you as to the cause
of the haymarket incident. am aware
that you are far from friendly with one
another, but will enforce the right OF
free expression"
After q pause Cnattel slavery arose
aud addressed the chair: ut is mat
ter cfnote that our labor troubles have
arisen since was dethroned. am too
modest to draw any conclusion from
this fact. All riots come from hunger,
an evil never felt by my subjects. What
were the results of my fall? Under nv
successor, Wage System, a laborer could
best demonstrate his usefulness to his