Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-03-27
Bill Nye on Hydrophobia.

take occasion at this time to ask
the American people as one man,
what are we to do to prevent the
spread of the most insidious and disa-
greeable diseases known as hydro
phobia? When a fellow being has to
be smothered, as was the case right
here in our fair land, land where
tyrant foot hath never trod nor biggot
forged a chain, we look anXiOusly into
each others faces and inquire, what
shall we do?
Shall we go to France at a great
expense and fill our systems full of
dog virus and then return to our glO-
rious country where we may fork
over that virus to posterity and thus
mix up french hydrophobia with the
navy-blue blood of free-born Ameri-
can citizens?
| wot not.
If / knew that would be my last
wOt / would not change it. That is
just wot it would be.
But again.
What shall we do to avoid getting
impregnated with the American dog
and then saturating our systems with
the alien dog of Paris?
1t is serious matter, and if we do
not want to play the Desdemona act,
wemusttakesometimely precautions.
What must those precautions be?
Did it ever occur to the average
thinking mind that we might squeeze
along for weeks without a dog ?
Whole families have existed for years
after being deprived Of dogs. Look
at the wealthy Of of our land. They
go on comfortably through life and
die at last with the unanimous con-
sent Of their heirs dOgless.
Then why can't the poor gradually
taper off on dogs? They ought not
to stop all of sudden but they
could leave off dog at time until
at last they overcome the pernicious
habit. / saw a man in st Paul last
week who was once poor, and SO
owned seven variegated dogs. He
was confirmed in the habit. But he
summoned all his will power at last
and said he would shake off those
dogs and become a man. He did So
and today he owns city lot in St
Paul, and seems to be the picture Of
good health.
The trouble about maintaining q
dog is that he may &c on for years in
a quiet, gentlemanly way, winning
the regard of all who know him, and
then all of a sudden he may hydro
phobe in the most violent manner
Not only that, but he may dose while
we have company. He may alsC
bite our twins, or the the twins of Ou
warmest friends. He may bite u
now and we may laugh at it, but il
five years from now, while we ma.
be delivering a humorous lecture, w,
may burst forth into the audience ant
bite beautiful young lady in the par
quet on the ear.
1t is a solemn thing to think of, fel
low citizens, and I appeal to thos
who may read this, as a man VIII
may not live to see a satisfactory pc
litical reform-I appeal to you to re
frain from the dog. He is purely Oh
namental. We may love good dog
but we ought to love our childre
more. 1t would be very, very nc
BILE dog that l would agree to fee
with my only son.
/ know that we gradually becom
attached to a good dog, but some da,
he may become attached to us, an,
what can be sadder than the sight c
a leading citizen drawing a reluctan
, mad-dog down the street by mai
strength and the seat of his pauta
looms? q mean his own, not tn
dogs pants. This joke will appear i
: book form in April. The book wi
be very reasonable, and there will b
another joke in it also.) | have sal
a good deal about the dog, pro an
con, and am not rabid dog abol
ZIONIST, and no one likes to have HI
clear-cut features licked by the warn
wet tongue of a noble dog any MOI
, than | do; but rather than see hydro
phobia become national characte
istic or a leading industry here,
would forego the dog.
Perhaps all men are that wa!
however. When they get a lit
forehanded they forget that they we
once poor, and owned dogs. Ifso,
do not wish to be unfair. Let I
yield up our dogs and take the affa
tons that we would otherwise bestO