News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-06-10
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
A LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
THE LEISURE HOURS.
A Miser Outwittcd-A Lesson in Gendcrs-
The Fisherman--A Wise Actcr-It Shat
tered His Confidence, ETC., Etc.
A MIsER OUTWITTED.

accordingly offered any man food for
performing the requisite labor. A half
starved man, hearing of the terms, ac-
cepted them. Before going into the
fields in the morning, he invited his SER
want to breakfast After finishing the
morning meal, the old miser thought it
would be a saving of time if they
should place the dinner upon the table
after the breakfast. This was readily
agreed to by the unsatisfied stranger, and
the dinner was soon dispatched.
Suppose now" sale, the frugal
farmer. 1--WE take supper? 1t will save
time and trouble, you know"
''Just as you like" said the eager
eater, and at it they went.
''Now, we will go to work." said the
delighted employer.
F'Thank you, said the laborer, 81
never work after supper"
A LESSON IN GENDERs.
A father sitting on the stoop with his
little son one evening, desired to ascer-
tain how well he knew his grammar. So
he asked: Glow many genders are
there, my son ?'
"Three; masculine, feminine, and
neuter," !" was the reply.
"Right. What gender is man 2"
''Masculine."
'Correct, my boy. Now this stoop
we are sitting on, to what gender does
it belong ?'
Feminine"
'tNo, no, my boy; stoop is neuter, be-
cause it is the name of thing"
''But there are stoops that are femi-
nine, are there not ~ persisted the boy.
Il read on theatre bill the other day,
she Stoops to Conquer and if She
stoops are not feminine | would like to
know what they are. e."-Ieras SiftingS.
HE WANTED NO TRICYCLE..
This happened one evening, recently,
not a thousand miles from Cambridge
Two tricycles chanced to halt by the
roadside for brief rest just as group
of Irish laborers were passing on their
way home from work. Attracted by the
bright new machines, two of the men
paused a moment to look at them.
eff you only had a tricycle., Pat, "
said one of the 'cyclers to the nearest of
the men, ''you could ride to and from
your employment"
''Ride to the divil!" said Pat, with a
contemptuous look at the combination
of man and wheels "Do ye think |
cam from the aould country to drive a
donkey -caart, bedad, and be me own
horse 2'-BOSt0n Record.
SWEARING, TOO.
The average small boy of the present
day is seldom at a loss for something to
say even in the most embarrassing stu
tions. Bobby, precocIOus youth of six
summers, had been indulging in pro-
family, and IN order to escape the pun
ishment for which his mother had made
preparations, he crawled under u barr
and remained there is a state of siege
When his father returned at night and
learned how matters stood, he made his
way with much difficulty under the barn
in search of the boy.
"Hello, pa," sad Bobby, cheerfully,
as his sire approached, ''you been swear
ing, too Boston Record.
NOT FISHERMAN.
"You are fishing with persistence, :"
said a gentleman to an urchin who had
thrashed a stream without apparent re-
ward a whole afternoon.
"Oh, no, sir; only jest angleworms, :"
replied the youth pleasantly.
Il mean you have a good deal of per-
severance, " explained the other
''No, them's suckers; guess ye amt
never lived in these parts, hev ye 2" The
boy was not little disgusted by the
strangers ignorance. -Bjaghamt01s Re
publican.
REsENTING AN INTERRUPTION.
May and Edith are sisters, four and
five years old respectively. May had
been very naughty, and mamma had
taken her over her knee to administer
corporal punishment, when Edith sud-
denly pushed the door ajar and peeped
in.
Turning her chubby face as far round
toward her sister as the peculiar posi-
ton would admit, May said very
gravely:
go right out Edie! don't you see
I'm busy ~
1t is needless to add that mamma
granted a respite.
HE 1NTERFERED.
It is said of Gov. Mcdaniel of Georgia
that he stammers badly, but dislikes,
above all things, to have his hearer
supply the word on which he at the time
happens to be laboring. While talking
the other day with young man whose
father he knew, and whose father-in-
law he did not know, he began: "How's
y-y-your f. -f-fath faith"
ooh, " said his friend, who was in a
hurry, ''my fathers right we'll"
II d-d-didn't m-m-mean y-y-your
fath-fath-father, said the Governor, in
dignantly. Il m-m-meant y-y-your
faith ath-father- in-law."
FIRST LESSON IN LABOR.
"What is a walking delegate pa p
"He is a man, my son, who is paid to
go around to tell men to strike"
"Don't the men know enough to
strike without being told 2'
mo, my child. They are too busy at
work to discover that they are being
oppressed. The walking delegate, not
being at work, has time to find out all
these things"
y
'tNo, precious, he never does. He
rides and the men pay for it. Now,
run away, my son, and some other day
| will give you another lesson in labor. "
-PhiJadelphia Call.
SHATTERED HIS CONFIDENCE.
"Wife, I'm afraid to ask old Hennesy
to loan me that 500"
"Why Last night you said that
you were certain he would let you have
it."
''Yes, know; but to day he passed
me as l was standing at pump taking
a drink of water.n
''But there is nothing harmful in
that. !"
"No, of course there isn't; but Hen
messy, you know, keeps saloon, and it
may have hurt his feelings to see me
drinking water. Philadelphia Herald.
ONE ON BOSTON.
A Boston school teacher had told her
pupils that ancient Athens was noted
for its literary culture.
"And now, dear children, she went
on, tell me why Boston is called the
modern Athens"
The dear children didn't seem to
know
Because said the teacher, lit is
also noted for its literary literary,
what? 1t begins with c."
Literary cranks, " responded one of
the children, ~, Y Times,