The true northerner., 1886-11-04
aUMOR.

nOmVhs
A SMALL country seat-the milk
stool.
ALWAYS ready to take a hand in-a
tricky employer.
EXAMPLE of the "Ups and Downs Of
Life" - Being hard up, and conse-
quently cast down.
"FoR a young woman to begin to
brush the dust off young mans coat"
is said to be the first symptom that the
young man is in peril.
Do LoBsTERs shrink in boiling, is q
question that has recently been raised.
It is quite natural that they should
shrink from boiling. g.-Teras Siftings.
THE SELFISH MAN.
He has within himl title heart
With selfishness he's crainmed,
Who cares not, II he saves himself
Whoever else is damned.
Boston Courier.
A DOCTOR is sometimes q cure-lous
individual. The sometimes" Is the
only thing that keeps this statement out
of the realm of fiction. Merchant
TraUeler.
A WRITER says that the overtaxing of
children is one OF the evils of the age.
Some of the property-holders of Bur-
lington think that the overtaxing of
parents is about as bad. d.-BurlipgtOn
Free Press.
HE-"Ha! ha hal Here is good hit
in this paper at the female sex" She
what does it say about the women"
He-"It says that more than half the
women in this country are crazy" She
with a sight expect that's so.
There are a great many married women
in this country. ."-TeraS SDtings.
"MY DEAR" he hiccoughed, while
she was giving him scathing lecture
for being out so late and coming homo
in such a state don't be--hic-too
hard upon a feller. Pm not so
bad after all-hic. Give the devil his
DUE" Il m giving you your d le," she
said, and he expostulated no more
Boston Courier.
A MEDICAL journal tells of a young
woman who contracted the habit OF
chewing coffee, at last consuming half
a pound day; but it doesn't explain
whether she acquired a taste for the
fragrant berry by going out between
the acts or winking when she called for
a glass of soda water when on her way
home from the lodge"
THREE LITTLE MAIDS AT SCHOOL.
Three little maids at school are we,
Mad rs school girls well can be-
Fun all over, no longer free.
Three little maids ut school?
Algebra is not much fun,
Compositions must be done,
All our lessons are just begun.
Three little maids at SCHOOL,
Three little madens most contrary
Gone to the ladies' seminary,
Bound to its humdrum tutelary.
Three little maids at schooli
A GROCER in an Indiana town, who
ordered his goods from Chicago, was
charged by an Indianapolis drummer
with a want of patriotism in not
patronizing home institutions. "Will
you give me ninety days credits" asked
the grocer. "Of course" And then
extend me thirty davs iurther?" Per
haps." "And if l fail, will you COM
promise for eighteen cents on the dol
lar, and help me beat all other
creditors? That's what my Chicago
house is doing or me, and about every
third order they throw in dozen bed
cords or dollar-clock, as free gift"
-WaU Street NelCs.
"YEs, sir" said the Great Traveller,
81 have seen, with my own eyes, wild
Indian take the scalp of white man
actually lift the hair from his head
and it made my blood run cold"
"That's nothing" said the Skeptical
Boarder, "that's nothing; right here In
Lynn, on Market street, l have seen q
man actually take three men in success
sion by the scalp and actually lift their
hair from their heads" "Why, the
man must have been crazy drunk or a
lunatic," said the G.. Il. Perfectly
sane and sober as l am" replied the S.
b. "Well, who in the name of good
ness was he?" "He wes barber"
solemnly said the S. B.-Ly1an Union.