Arizona weekly citizen., 1886-05-15
ALLEGED WIT.
III you have Tears to Shed. Prepare to
 shed them now.


 If you have Tears to Shed. Prepare (, shed them now.
 Goes without saying-A deaf anC and dumb men.-Lowell Courier,
 A monopolist-Ihe man who mIndl his own business.-New Haven Times.
 Many and an ''Old salt" looks "fresh' when he gets in New York.-Yonkerl Statesman.
 We learn a great deal by merely find ing out things we didn't know-NOrris- ton Herald.
 Weli-regulated milkmen do not drink as much milk ss they can.-Rochestel Post-Express.
 A new play is called Two bad Eggs, ? it must be hard to beat.-Boston Com. mercial Bulletin.
 The horse railroad president is always on the lookout for avenues of profit Boston Transcript.
 It the Austrians levy duty on Amer. can petroleum it will be light tax, any way Lowell Citizen.
 A petrified clock has been found in Rome, Another indication of hard times. -PIttsburg Chronicle-Telegraph
 The bonnets that bloom in the spring, papa, are nothing too sweet for the face. New 1osk Morning Journal.
 MT. Rasin has taken charge of the Baltimore Naval Office. He thinks he has secured a fine plum Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
 Do you ever drink?" "No sir; I an strictly temperate" "Prohibiiionist, eh! No am jug msker."-Newman Independent.
 Postal IS the name of the captain O, one of the mail packets on the Mississ. ippi riyer. He ought to be a weIl-read man.-Rochester Post.Express.
 It has been said that clothes do not make the man. They do not; they gener- ally break him up when they get a chance.-Rochester Post-Express
 A DeadwoOd man named Pott has recognized one of our foremost AmerI- can industries by naming his first born Jack.-BInghamton Republican.
 Some Chicago papers refersto Sam Small as a reformed journalist. This is wrong. When journalists reform they become newspaper men.-PIttsburg Chronicle.
 A NIT. Pump has picture of a milk man making hIs morning call n. St. Louis art exh ibItion. As might be imagined, 1t IS water color.-Yonkers Statesman.
 Professor Hugo Magnus recently deli vered m Berlin lecture on "The speech of the Eyes" Professor Mangus began his life ID drug gstvre-Burlington Free Press.
 "A Strange Disappearance" is the title of a new plan. The name will be more appropriate after She play has been on the road about SIX mouths-Philadelph Gail,
 Things one would rather have leit unsaid; He--"what a pretty fan" She-Yes; had it given when I first came out He--Reallyl IL has worn wellr'-Punch.
 A New York woman has been convict ed of murder. He husband was fond of pie, and she merely put in a little arse nic to improve the flavor and keep him from getting the dyspepsia.-Philadel phia Herald.
 
 know when she had taken too much wine at dinner-her husbands jokes be- gin to seem funny. Her husband must have been a professional humOrist- New Haven News.
 A man ID the Fourth ward undertook to eat two dozen apples iu fifteen min utes the other day, but had only swal- lowed two when the green grocer came along and handed bIm over to the po- lice.-Philadelphia Call.
 IL LOW takes but SIX minutes to send a cable message to London and get an answer. but 1t still takes an office boy over two hours to go round the corner and return with a plumber.- Chicago Ledger.
 Dr. Hammond says that wearing silk hats IS the cause of badness. All the same, men who want silk hats don't pay as much for store hair as do the women who wear straw and felt hats. Herald.
 A medical college has at its head man by tine name of Hanna. If q whole schoolful of doctors cannot find out what is the matter with Hanna, the conun- drum might as well be given up for good Boston Transcript.
 A news item says :here is a colored preacher near Jasper. Ga, who conquers hls horse by putting him. And yet some persons think there IS net much head work in the ministerial professlon.- Herald.