davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14
Why A Drummer Swore Off.

There is nothing which the enslaved
drunkard will not do to get his liquor,
Sometimes, however, the spectacle of
who has lost all his will and his fine
feelings, and who has degraded him
self below the level of brutes, makes
other men who are on the road to the
same degradation pause and reflect.
"No, l won't drink with you to-day,
boys" said drummer to several COM
panions, as he settled down in the
smoking car and passed the bottle.
"The fact is, boys, / have quit drink
ing; / have sworn off,"
He was greeted with shouts OF
laughter by the jolly crowd about
him; they put the bottle under his
nose and INDUCED in many jokes at
his expense but he refused to driak
and was rather serious about it.
whats the matter with you. old
boy ?" sang out one. IF you've quit
drinking something is up; tell us
what it is"
"Well, boys, will, though | know
you'll laugh at me. But I'll tell you
all the same. | have been hard
drinking man all my life, ever since
l was married, as you all know;
love whisky it's as sweet in my mouth
as sugar, and God only knows how
I'll quit it. For seven years not q
day has passed over my head that ]
didn't have at least one drink. But
l am done.
Yesterday | was in Chicago. Down
OH South Clark street customer Of
mine keeps a pawn shop in connection
with his other business. | called or
him, and while ] was there young
man of not more than twenty-five
wearing threadbare clothes and look
.ing as if he had not seen sober day
for month, came in with little
package in his hand.
trembling he unwrapped it, and
handed the article to the pawnbroker
saying: Give me ten cents And
boys, what do you suppose it was
A pair Of baby's shoes, little things
with the buttons only triAe soiled
as if they had been worn once OIL
twice.
"'Where did you get these ?" asked
the pawnbroker.
"'Got 'em at home, replied thu
man, who had an intelligent face ant
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14
He Felt Discouraged.

He had wearied, sad-eyed expires
sion, as if booked for a funeral, and
was awaiting the hearse and mourners
A sympathetic friend sought to sound
the secret of his woe. The wearied
man responded:
81 feel discouraged"
"Tutl You mustn't give way to
grief in that despairing way. You
know what the poet sang: Hope
springs eternal in the human breast y
"Ah, yes! But ir amt for me
When a mans seen what I've seen
hope amt for him."
"Bless my soul, what can have hap
pened ?"
"I'll tell you. Mayhap it will give
relief You know how steady I've
been sitting up to Miss Hoopsnood ?
Everybody knows you sat up tc
her like sick kitten to a warm stove. y
"She encouraged me, and | felt
was solid till first one and then an,
other got to whispering that she was
sitting Gus Tombell out'n out. ]
wouldn't believe q word of it. Didn't
she GO with me to ice-cream parlors
two or three times a week and picnics
and didn't that show was solid 7 Sc
! believed she was all right and
wouldn't hear to a word contrary"
"That's right. Don't never listen
ta busy talk"
That's what | was determined till
to-day. A person told me a little
while ago that he saw Tom Mill es
corting Kate home from the matinee
That didn't worry me. / knew he
was all right and thought everything
of me, So | started up to call Oh
her. 1t wasn't my night to pay my
regular visit, but wanted to go, JUS
to show them l knew it was all right
l met her ma at the gate. She sale
I'd better not go in. That sounded
queer, but | did not let it bother m,
at all. Then the old mamie wa!
smoking his pipe under a tree-hc
Clipped in; said he guessed Kat'
wasn't expecting me tonight. Tha
was queer, too. Still, / wouldn't al
low myself to be discouraged. | wa
sure Kate could explain everything
no matter how it looked. On tn,
stoop l met Kate's little sister. Sh,
kind of snickered, and had curious
cute look in her eyes as she said
Kate won't best like to see you to
night This was the queerest of all
But still l wouldn't give way. Some
thing told me to keep a stiff uppeI
lip and not be discouraged. And
determined | wouldn't. So | walked
right into the parlor, and then"
"What? ?"
Il saw Kate sitting on the loung'
with that Tom Mill-he with his arm
round her waist and she with he
head Topped down onto his breast"
"Then you gave way?"
"Then felt discouraged and came
away."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

"Ma, did that comedy you saw last
night make all the folks cry9" "Why
no dear, what makes you think that
l never laughed so much in my life >
"Well, pa told Mr.. Jones that every.
body in the theater sat in tiers. -
Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

Miss Smithers: "Charlie, dear,
what kind of flower is that ?"
Mr.. Roseman, young collegian
"Love, that is not a flower; it is a
tobacco plant"
"Miss Smithers: Oh, how nice il
must look when the plugs are hang,
ing on it."-Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

A witty girl seeing dapper little
fop of her acquaintance with a large
hat on, sweetly said; "Come out of
that hat, William; | know you are
in it, for see your feet."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

A Venetian gondolier supports a
family on eight cents day." said an
editors wife as she glanced over a
newspaper. "Humph," exclaimed
her husband. "I've been running a
newspaper and supporting family,
too, on the same amount, but / didn't
see any thing in it to boast off,
Newman Independent.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

"How far is it to Butler if | keep
straight on ?" "Well, about twenty
five thousand miles; but if you turn
the other way, its about half mile" "
Pittsburgh Chronicle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

Strong minded wife: "Eh, Jeames,
you are great on languages; what is
the difference between exported and
transported Submissive husband +;
"Wby, my dear, if you should go to
the East Indies you would be export
ed, and I-well, | should be trans
ported" IN. Y. Ledger.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14
WIT AND HUM0R.

A butcher is known to be very
prompt in all his engagements, espe'
cially those. lin which he promises tc
meat q man.-Pacific Jester.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

1t costs twenty-eight dollars week
to feed circus tiger. AT this rate
what would the monthly board of a
catamount to Chicago Telegraph.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

Esthetic young lady: Can you
conceive of anything more somber
and POLITICALLY solemn than the de-
nouement of Romeo and Juliet
Could the poet have made their fate
more weirdly tragic "
Cynical bachelor: "Oh, yes. He
might have married them. Wash.
ington Hatchet.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

Woman is not much of philose-
pher, but she is proverbially clothes
observer. Burlington Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

"John," she said to the young man
whe had been courting her for five
long years, John, sat for my pho
tograph to-day. suppose you want
oneY
"Oh, yes, indeed"
"By the way, John, 1 had them
taken especially for some friends in
California, and they want my auto
graph OIL the cards. Now, John,
don't know whether to sign my maid.
en name or wait few months until
after | am married. I suppose you
do intend to get married in few
months, don't you John2'
1t was a desperate move, but she
won, and in two months both were
made one.-Philadelphia Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

A gray hair was espied among the
raven locks of a charming young
lady. "Oh, pray, pull it out" she
exclaimed. "If ! pull it out, ten
more will come to the funeral" re-
piled the one who had made the dis
covery. "Pluck it out, nevertheless" !"
said the dark-haired damsel; cts no
consequence how many come to the
funeral provided they all come in
black. IN. Y. Ledger.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

Young reporter: "The storm king
hurled his torn and tumbling torrents
over the ruins of the broken and dis
membered edifce."
Old editor: "What do you mean
young fellow"
Young reporter: "l-e-er-the
flood washed away Patrick McDou.
gals soap factory."-Lynn Union.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14
THE WEEKLY FREE PRESS
nS- ONE DOLLAR PER YEAR -su

Is a laree eight pngc, ifty-six column, family news-
paper. suitable for the farmer. the mechanic, and
oil others who do not wish 20 take daily paper.
II IL an cptome of The DAILY FnEE PREss, and is
live, progressive and interesting weekly journal,
full of good things. Note the following remarkable
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

During trial several days ago in
Arkansas an old fellow who had been
arraigned for killing man, arose
and said "Jedge, thar amt no us'r
goin' on with these here proceeding.
fur shot Tobe, but that amt no
body's business fur he wuz friend o
mine" "If he was your friend, it j:
all right" replied the judge, "for Q
man has right to take few liber
ties with his friends. The people in
this part Of the country are becoming
too particular. Turn the sociable
gentleman loose, Mr.. Sheriff, and cal
the next case. ."-Arkansaw Traveller
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14
ARGUS AND FREE PRESS
One Year, $2.25,

Or clubbed with any or all the above
combination.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

The Free PREss is pure family newspaper that
your wife and children read without injury TO
their morals. IL is an educator, and, in order to
keep up with the industrial, scientific and literary
life of the day, every family should take IL.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

"Why, Jones, you look rather blue
this morning. What is the trouble?"
"Then my features do not belle my
feelings" said he, "but did you notice
that gentleman at my door few mo-
ments SINCE"
"Why, yes"
6"Well, with his departure there is
a blank left in my house." b
"Indeed. Was he so closely allied
to your hearthstone."
"Oh, no, he is only deputy tax
collector. National Weekly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

A PAPER FoR EVERY DAY IL THE YEAR.
PRICE, $500 A YEAR, or is CENTS WEEK.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14
COMBINATION OFFERS

Splendid Premiums For Clubs
BE Send for Free Sample Copy and Cata-
logue of our Special Combination and
Premium Offers.
Address
THE FREE PRESS CO.,
Detroit, Mich.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14
Detroit, Bay City & Alpena R.F
Time Table No. 6.

All tr,,ns run by the Ninetieth Meridian on Gen.
trail Standard time.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14
MICHIGAN CENTRAL

The Niagara Falls Ro@te.
Arrival and departure of trsios noted below as
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-14

TRANS eoIEo SOUTH, TRAINS GOING NORTH.
Mail and Express Mail and Express.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29
J. wsRrxR.s COMPLAINT.
ts.i. Lais Tribune j

EDITOR TRIrUSE: You are Away
talking shout fair play, and as one o
the presented, protest against picking
out one act of martyrs and not giving tn,
rest chance. ! am restrained of ny
liberty because l could not explain tt
the satisfaction of Judge Emerson why .
horse caught onto the end of my lariat
and followed me Of. He don't know
that there ia weed, the loco, which,
when horse eats it, makes him crazier
than Mormon polyg. und so the eccen.
tricities Of that horse in following me
of were charged up against me. and
am here. don't complain Of that, for
Justice is binder n = mole, but why
should not I be given show to repent,
when at the most, Ionly appropriated
one horse, when other men are offered a
pardon and responsibility, who have ap.
propriated half a dozen women to their
own use. Why ! would have given
that blanked horse to have kissed one
woman that | know, without demanding
that she work for me the rest Of her life.
If the new Guv had given me chance
to repent. I would have accepted and
kept my promise until got outside the
Jurisdiction Of the Utah courts.) And
would not have insulted the courts; I
would not have thrown dirt at the chris.
tian churches-for my mother was
christian-and I would not have put my.
self on an equality with Jesus, as these
Mormon criminals do.
Governor West says be wants to be
governor Of the whole people: why does
he not give us chance? There is great
deal Of talent going to waste here. There
are locksmiths who are On honor to their
profession; artists who can make lariat
that will draw the widest mustang
right up to the man on the other end;
penmen who would give merchant more
knowledge Of bookkeeping in month,
than be could learn by ordinary methods
in year. Why is distinction made
in favor Of ''clock-winders?" Why
should not these other martyr mechanics
be permitted to prove their devotion to
the Constitution and Laws! In conclu.
sion, would like to know il crowbait
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

| The attention Of visitors to the Indian
reservation at Pyramid Lake is called to
the grave of the big Indian" located on
the banks Of the Truckee river. Accord
ing to the Pah Ute traditions related by
their medicine men, centuries ago, a
gigantic Indian came down from the
mountains in the north and slaughtered
hundreds Of the Pah Ute tribe by pick.
ing up warriors in each hand and knock.
ing their heads together with such force
as to crush their skulls. and in other cases
catching them by the heels and beating
their brains out by striking their heads
against the earth. The chiefs, getting
weary Of the prospects Of having the tribe
annihilated by the Big Indian literally
hopping up the ground with braves, held
. council and resolved upon the following
plan to destroy their gigantic foe.
A party Of 900 warriors, armed with
bows and arrows, were concealed behind
rocks in the Truckee river canyon, when
the Big Indian descended into the valley
again on raid. He was seen approach.
ing with 4 long string Of fish and great
number Of rabbits hung over his shoulder,
which he was eating raw. When the
holly terror" got within range Of their
4 L. 4
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

Let the American fishermen keep oui
Of places where they have no right to 60
The Government should not exert itsel,
in their behalf. violators Of the law.
should be punish. Americans have no,
any right to pcach upon foreign fisheries.
These fishermen bring to mind many for.
eirn residents, who come to this country,
stay irst long enough to become citizens.
then return to their native countries for
she purpose Of violating the laws and Gre
sting disturbances. An American, who
violates the laws Of any foreign country
shile under its jurisdiction. is unit to be
sn American, should be punished. and
fhe Government Of the United States
should not exert itself in his hehaE while
receiving justly merited punishment. II
American fishing vessels sail into Ca.
madam waters on fish-stealng expedi-
ton. and are captured BY the authorities
while engaged in stealing fish. we are
unaware Of good reason Why this Govern.
ment should rush to the rescue OF these
i;sa robbers.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

Up in Asotin county. Washington
Territory. the visilantes captured four
leaders Of band Of stock thieves operat.
ing in that section. tied their own lariats
sroznd their necks and the other end to .
Limb Of tree, mounted each Of them on
. horse, and ct signal the horses
Jumped from beneath the mounted men.
The riders we're not injured by sudden
contact with the ground. They will
steal ~ more stock.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

An Eastern writer says Senator Fair
should succeed himself in the United
States Senate. We know not one reason
why such should be the case. What
qualification, barring his wealth. desa
Senator Fair possess for the position he
now occupies? The Democratic party Of
Nevada has some fairly able men within
its ranks, who, if sent to the United
States Senate would add honor to both
party and State.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

Our Mormon friends draw cosnpsrisn
between Jesus Christ and George Q. Can.
non, and. by . slight stretch Of imagin-
alton, the RsconD confesses that there is
. great similarity between the partias,
for It 10 historical fact that Christ
passed through Jerusalem on the back Of
. donkey, while Bro. Cannon attempted
70 pass through Nevada In a sleeping car.
but was caught. A great similarity be.
tween the two incidents.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

The Mormons are making good prog.
ress in Georgia and missionariss are
quietly getting in that State from Utah.
Senator Brown Of that State is stead.
fast friend Of the Mormons. looks upon
them - virtuous people, and IN appear.
ance is fac simile Of . Mormon Apostle.
The Church should make him President
Of the Georgia Stake.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

The largest authentical snake ever seen
was an anaconda, which had swallowed
horse. His length was forty feet, and
after Ms feast Of lunch.taking he was IN.
disposed and WAS captured By naturalist
who Wa hunting spscimsns II tho Anna
ION valley. y
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

a list Of the imprisoned in the Utah
Psnitentiary for polygsmy and unlawful
cohabitatiop within the last eighteen
months. possesses interest 10 showing
from whence they came. Following il I
complete list 70 this date: Scotland 10,
England IS, United States %. Norway /,
Swseden 2, Denmark |. South Wales !,
Ireland 2; total n.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

The game Of ball between Greece and
Turkey has commenced. On the frontier
on the Goth the Turks opened FIRE on the
Greek forces. The firing was at long
range and NO blood flowed. II they will
only continue fighting at long range the
Turks and Greeks will have lots Of fun
without hurting each other.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

The U. s. Treasurer issued call for
the redemption Of $4,000. 600 3 per cent.
bonds last Saturday. Now don't get OK.
cited, for there is no hurry. You have
until the first Of July to present your
bonds for payment.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

The Irishman believes in home rule,
and Bridget say be is bound to have it
even u be IL forced to kick in the toe Of
his boot against the old wcmsn's head.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

The politicians in the East are struggl.
ing vainly to make political capital out Of
the 6sh in Canadian waters. Everything
will 60 swimming along as though they
never had barked. IN
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

What is wanted most by the great
army Of American fsh.eaters who have
only an hour for dinner is not more shad,
but less bones. Il Norwich Bulletin.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

Jaehns, the N. Y. alderman who 70
Gently came into notoriety, will now SIM
Sing il for several year,, unless his valu
able services ahculd Be required outsid,
Of the prison walls for political purposes
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

DR.. Do Lswis: who vas quite promin
snt = an aathor disa y Yonksrs, N. Y.
on the 2lst He wrsts many Year, 10
the Ledger. His body il to be cremated
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

The Question Of the hour: Il il Misa
or Mr.. Folsom that il 70 bscome Lady
President.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

JET Davis omits Alexander Stephens
from his List Of greatest Gsorgians-
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29
MEDICINE IN THE WRONG DONKEY


| A lady who lived not 100 miles from
Paramount Park has pony of which she
is very fond, but not long since she
Thought that it was little droopy, 80
she called in veterinary surgeon, who
prescribed powder for the equine favor.
lite. The next morning she said to her
man Of all work:
"Pat, did you give the pony the medi.
cine?r
II put it with his hay, num-" was the
reply, "but he's the cunningi>t little
haste liver saw. He ct all the hay, but
not bit Of the powder did he touch at
all. Oh, I'll fool him tonight. I'll give
it to him sure"
The next morning the lady called Pat
again and was surprised to see him look.
ing very rueful.
whats the matter nowf" she said.
Faith, mum, / got big glass pipe an
put the medicine in it, an backed the
poney in the corner. put the pipe in
his mouth an was iist goin to blow it
down into him. but he breathed first, an
l hev the powther in me instid Of in
him."
How it affected the Hibernian has not
yet transpired. PhiIadelphia News.
-s-S
N. Y. World: Our local Anarchists
are rather comfortably situated for men
who hold capital to be crime and social
order an offsnse against humanity. They
raised $1,000 cash bail for Herr Most,
and the great leader is at liberty to re.
sumo temporarily his work Of furnishing
$40 rides to the men who are sworn to
assassinate the American Republic.
A chunk Of pure gold worth "a, 900 was
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1886-05-29

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l8sgtnssFs sucosed trasdly Z Nssg fall. |