The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-09-02
RreVities.

Fogg-I heard pretty compliment for you
the other day. Mrs. Passy-Indeedl May
ask what it was! Fogg-I heard some one
say how pretty you used to be. Mrs. Passay-
Used to bel Do You call that compliment
Icall it an obituary notice. Chicago Tribune
A deacon of Greenville Pa church has a
string of buttons half yard long, taken out
of the contribution box within "A few years
| What business has the deacon with the but
| tonsl They were contributed for the heather,
and several scores of heather have been
obliged to hitch their suspenders with shin
gle nail because of this embezzling deacon.
Now the deacon is confessing, let him tell
what he did with the money--if there was
any. What good are these deacons, anyway,
if a button must he stopped short of its mis-
sion!-Holyoke Transcript.
A woman went into clothing store the
other day and asked for pair of pants for
her husband, answering the query as to what
size she wanted by saying that he was man
about 45 years ld.-Exchange.
"You can always tell bachelor by the way
he handles baby" says an exchange On
the contrary, you can always tell bachelor
by the way he doesn't handle baby.-Som-
erville Journal.
Hens make a great mistake in not sailing
their eggs before they lay them. The eggs
would keep longer and sell better, and the
hens would not have to work SO hard for
higher wages-Somerville Journal
Queen Victoria talks of publishing another
diary, and says that it will be her last book.
Well, that's good news; rush it into print
quickly, your majesty, and let's get through
with it-Durdette
Life is full of joy and poetry, bright sun
shine, refreshing showers, fruits and flowers
and gladness, but none OF these things run
through the mind of the man who arrives al
the depot just in time to see The train pulling
out in the distance as though it was going to
some place.-Pittsburg Dispatch.
Thus elderly Mrs Spinach can't imag-
inc nohow why my darter talks SC incorrect.
She don't hear nothin' but good speakin'. As
fur her father, he's pufiick patren fur Ian
glidge. An ! never made no consequential
mistakes. detroit Free Press.
Miss SpriGgins wears such hideous clothes,
wonder where she gets them" said matron
at Long Branch. "Why, don't you knowr
exclaimed Miss Pourke of Cincinnati. "Her
clothes are made at home She's some of that
Chicago dressed meat you read Of. Pitts
burg Chronicle
Mr. Piesnap-Waiter, here is button in
the soup. Waterfall, yes-the cooks Well
you can have it. He'll never miss it-Ram-
bier.
A colored woman was heard this morning
informing a neighbor that last nights storm
frightened her so that she "shook like an ash
pan. "-Pittsburg acknowledgement
Printers have much to endure A morning
paper that had sub-edited a cheap lad" re-
ceived the following lucid complaint: "Please
insurt the abuve as 1t is roate down, not alter
it as it ware last week pleas" This is how it
was "roate": IA respectful woman age AZ as
good plane cook trustworthy to eddy or small
famely good reference. address," etc. It
only remains to add that the writing of this
was fully as original as the spelling.
mington Home Weekly.
philadelphia has no electric lights" says
an exchange. Well what Of til The citizens
don't need them. Philadelphia goes to roost
at sunset-Eew Haven News.
How to get rid of surplus milk-Cheese It.
Lowell Courier.
Hardly anybody would care TO change
places with the turtle, and yet he has great
snap-New Haven News.
A man who had not the best reputation for
strict veracity died the other day, and the
family were greatly incensed because Some
well meaning friends sent in broken Tyre as
floral Naturalization Post.
"What do you do with yourself Sundays"
asked Bjones Of the cousin from Chicago who
Is visiting at his house. HSundayP repeated
the Chicago man wonderingly, "what's
thatP-Cambridge Chronicle