Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1886-11-19
MARRIED MANS INDICATOR.
Ingenious Invention Ola Marvellous Mind
Something No Husband should he With


out.
W,lsfng'oa Litter IN s. Pant Dispatch.
The latest genius VINO has applied Tor a
patent is the man who has invented what
Is known as The Married Mans lndiCa-
tor II is wonderful sensitive arrange
meut of the ordinary thermometer in con
yeuent pocket size, aud IS graded To u
scale of cIbaliStjC marks, which show the
exact state Ot the domestic atmosphere at
any hour of the night lie takes out the
indicator, thrustS it in the kcyhole and
lets it remain there u few
seconds. Pulling it out quickly
he scans the dial by the mOOnlight,s titiul
cleaning. II it marks -. \. sound
asleep the poor husband pulls oil his
boots nOisleSsly, uses the night-key with
batrd breath, gives the door quick pull
to keep ii from creaking, steals trembling
to bed, and when his dear wiley wakes up
about two seconds aftcrward and wants tn
| know how long he has been home he i
sound asleep. 1.-THE indicator scores y.
4. C.. 3. ID. X. W. T." awake awful
cross, but does not know what time ii i,
the husband puts a few more grains az cot
Tee m his mouth opens the door boldly
aud walks in with a Slam-banC air. hits
his boots Intentionally against u chair,
wants to know why the devil chairs don't
keep ont NJ ms way, gets desperately mad
On general principles. scareS his wife clean
out oi her CUISINES and curtain lectures.
refuses 10 lct her get up ana strik. 4
match-nrver did like 4 light at night
uohow grutlly that its about
twenty minutes after lO. an,. then turns
into bed with such an apparent awful
state Of mind tha; the wife of his bosom Is
afraid to speak 70 him. ut which H. Is very
sad. OF course.
There are other marks on the Indicator
showing inst where it will do To play the
lodge dodge. - or the sick friend" or
been standing ON the corner talking To
So-aud-SO for more than an hour" or Gen
eral or Honorable this or that from YOU
know where Was in town and had tn 70
away on the , o'clock train, and he in
sisted so strongly that the whole party
STAYED up - see him Oft, although he WAS
great bore, and we only did it through
courtesy" But the most awful ofall the
cabaliStic signs on the dial is the one at
the top, about two marks above boiling
point.
When the weary husband comes home
about 4. m. from the direction of the
butcher shop, with roll Of meat held
high in the air 50 that every one who passes
can not fail to see it, and sticks the iudi-
Gator in the key-ho!e, he is almost too
weak to draw il OIt. With hair ON ends
he reads it by the faint light streaming in
upon him from over the eastern hills and
sweat breaks ont upon his noble brow iu
drops as large rs waluutS as he sees the
bulb OF the Indicator damned smack up
against X. II. :. W. +. Y. |. T. D." tred
hot, still waiting for you inside the door
The inventor of the Instrument SAYS that
when man has this terrible misfortune to
overtake him, ne feels that there is moth
ing left in life worth living for.
He slingS the meat out into the ward
and braces himself for the coming frav,
but says nothing for nothing can be said.
Be he ever 80 gifted liar, his accomplish
ment is more than yalueleSs. No lodge,