Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1886-02-12
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

Is Il bad give-away on her age.
Joseph Cook says, 1--WE are the most
drunken race in the world" Since ,Joseph
began his Monday lectures we begin to
think we are.
Everything has two sides, but it is diff.
cult to convince your bedfelow of the
fact, these cold nights
Nellie f. O'Neil, II frequent political
contributor to The Roxbury, Mass, i'd
UOcdtc is now the humorist of that paper.
This is Il fitting tribute to the ridiculous
ness of schoolgirl verse.
Organ recitals" are being given in
Plymouth church, Brooklyn, at which
banjo solos form n part of the perform
ance. There must be some mistake here
This item was intended as free puff for
Brother Talmage.
'Who will get up club for us ?" asks
rural editor Go out into the woods and
cut it for yourself man. What's the use
of being so lazy.
The new minister from Sweden to the
United States is named Kjolt. We hope
the administration won't allow itself to be
kiolt by him.
Acknowledgement Garland has a very
bad cold. No wonder; the weather in his
vicinity has been very frigid, lately.
A writer states that in London the tri
cycle is used by milkmen. That reminds
us that a farmer in this country once
rugged up his sons bicycle so that it would
run pump, churn, etc.
There is one thing to be said in favor of
coasters. They don't want the earth.
1t costs $500 per annum to wash the
towels of the House of Representatives.
1t must be borne in mind that these gen
tlemen have good many dirty jobs to
dispose of.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox's husband is &C
cused of having written something. We
suspect that it is check for Elias bon
net.
The Western cowboys have been hold
ing big convention at Denver, and the
mayor has posted warnings to all citizens
to Keep indoors as much as the nature of
their business will permit
Talking about seasonable things. the
Journal Of Speculative PhHoSophy for
July has just come to hand
One reason why a woman doesn't like to
talk through Il telephone is because she
can't criticize her neighbours bonnet for
fear of being heard all along the line
The South Americans put up sausage in
bark The North Americans put up bark
in sausage.
Thomas A. Edison is to marry the
daughter of an inventor. We trembe to
think what the next generation of Edisons
will be-
Nitro glycerine is said to be cure for
epilepsy. We sincerely believe that nitro
Rlycerne would answer the purpose of a
doctor in most instances.
"Why are two buttons put on the back
of Il mans coat ~ asks writer We
don't know, unless it is that when a man
wants piece of string he can usually find
it there.
a correspondent wishes to know how
the crush hat originated. We think the
inventor must have got his idea from see
ing the ruins of stiff hat that had been
sat on.
There is no place like home" but you
can't convince club man of this fact, at .
"A. m. Every blamed house in the row
looks exactly alike, and he can't tell which
is his to save him.
Attorney-General Garland, it is said,
summary dismissed a servant girl the |
other morning when she asked him if he
would have Observation-Disclosures Post !
ErpreSs
There comes a painful rumor from across
the seas that the Irish orange crop has
been touched by the frost.-BOSton Tran |
script.
The Irish question is rapidly assuming
this shape. "What shall we do with Eng
land Philadelphia Press.
Somewhere about 10000 hogs enter Chi
cago every day-four-legged hogs, we
mean.-LoUeU Courier.
a Belgian gun-drummer says ali the
guns sent out of Liege are made by women.
A woman is never SO happy rs when she
is promoting an engagement-B Boston
Transcript.
a Western mules tail was blown off by
a recent blizzard What became of the
blizzard is not stated, but it is safe to pre-
sumo that 1t had the wind kicked out of
tn. Y. journal.
Among our Chinese brethren we notice
All Tom, All Sing, All Chong, but no All
There. Is he dead -Philddelphta can. |
Howells's new novel in the Centltru is |
The Minister'S Charge" If the minister
had been Il country preacher his charge
would have been about $500 year and |
donation party.-DGtrOt Free Press.
The whrigig of time has been at it
again. The first patient admitted to the |
new Northern hospital for the insane, in |
Michigan, was Il man who assisted in its |
erecton.-N. Y. Commercial ADVERTISER |
A Cautious Londoner. Hi, Bill, got a
match "Nothn' but one o. them parlor |
matches" We'll, give it to me- mo, |
won't - 'Why not ?" You'd scracth |
it," "Of course would" Yes, an the
perlice d be down on us a-thnking it was |
"A dynamite outrage. "-ChicdgO NclCS
The man who is in the habit of giving
up his seat to ladies in the horse cars can |
lay claim to being man of considerable |
standing in the community. - Boston |
Courier.
An explanation "Mr. DeJones, can |
you tell me why gentlemen always carry |
a crush hat at balls, receptions etc, ?"
"Well, you see ah-that is, it's quite Gus
tomary, you know-it's English. All |
the fact is, haven't the remotest idea
Judge.
IL say, ma, let s take your waterproof" |