Daily Republican., 1886-11-04
SCNBEAMS.

PohSS Soui" ouu6C' lOR are
charged with being tramp and a
beggar. Have you no trader" Pris-
oner: Excuse me, your honor,
shovel snow" Judge: "But it is not
winter now. What do you do in the
summer" Prisoner: 81 wait for
winter to come again, your honor"
"Why do they always paint angels
as blondes?" asked Mrs. Krank of her
husband, as they stood looking at a
| picture. Because answered Mr..
Krank, looking at his wife's dark hair;
ARTISTS wives are generally bru-
nettes." There's a frightful frigidity
in the atmosphere about the Krank
mansion now.
Dilly-dallying lover: "Look at those
two birds, Maria. What chattering
they keep up around the door of that
rustic bird-housel 1t is cbarmingly
rural, isn't itp" Disheartened Maria:
Yes" "What can they be saying to
each other, dear?" Saying, Let us
get married and keep house,"
1t was remarked at the opera, re-
Gently: "What a lot of married people
there are here tonight" "How can
you tell they are married?" was the
query. 'Don't you seer" was the an
swer; ''the men don't do any talking,
and there's hardly corsage bouquet
among the women"
The following bombshel has been
discharged by famous general, who
received polite letter requesting an
autograph and lock of his hair: 1.-THE
man who has been writing my auto
graph is discharged; and, as my order.
ly is bald, l cannot comply with the
second of your requests"
"Charles, hear you are gong to
marry Miss Softly. Charming woman
Let me congratulate you ON your good
taste.' "Ah, yes; but The fact
is. have broken off the match, and l
am not going to marry any one. -
"Then let me congratulate ON your
good sense"
Really" confided Angelina to her
dearest friend, II am getting worried
about John. Before we were married,
year ago, he used to pick me up In
his arms as If l weighed ten pounds
instead of 1 30, and now he says it
tires him to hold the baby"
Would you believe" said a thrift
less young man to friend, THAT
had fortune in my grasp last even
hg" GLOW SOP" asked the friend.
II shook hands with girl whose fin
gers were covered with diamonds
A sign in the rooms of hotel reads
as follows: Indian clubs and dumb
bells will not be permitted in any of
the rooms. Guests in need of exercise
can go down to the kitchen and pound
| a steak"
Propounding to boy years old
the old riddle, Round the house. and
round the house, and peeps in the key
hole" he gave his immediate solution:
"A woman-isn't that itp'
'All alone. my dear child? I'm
afraid that husband OF yours neglects
you terribly. He's always at the club
when call. "Yes, mamma; but he's
at home at other times"
She had false lie tn and false hair, but
! she was peachy checked, bright-eyed
and prettily formed, and had an an
gelic temper; so he said "With all
Thy false | love thee STILL"
"Is it true," asked the professor.
that trombone player saved the life
of Frederick the Create" at is" re-
piled the student. "How" "Freder.
ick killed him."
Visitor: "Mercy me! what are those
horrible sounds up stairs?'' Wife:
"Oh, that is nothing but dear George.
| suppose he has lost his collar stud
again"
Weeping widow: "And such good
man, sir" Busy undertaken: mo
doubt, no doubt; but a little wide-a
little wide for the average man."
A lady and gentleman accidentally
touched each others feet under the
table. "Secret telegraphy," said she.
Communion of soles," said he.
EVERY nation has its CUSTOMS" re.
marked an old lady, placidly when in
formed that her sailor husband had
been eaten by cannibals.
"The way TO Sleep" says scientist,
sis to think of nothing But this is
a mistake. The way TO sleep is 10
think it is time to get up.
How many years OF close study are
wasted by the scientists. The dis
covery of the circulation of the blood
was made in vein.
If all the worlds a stage, and men
and women merely players. where are
the audience and orchestra to come
from?