The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-10-30
Assorted American LaUghettg.
A Little Nonsense Now and Then IL Relish
cd by the Best Of Men.


bell that hangs in the tower?" mo,
James, but I've often seen the church
belle that sits in the right hand front
pew"
An old maids conundrum.- what
was the wisdom of Solomon due? 1t
was due to the fact that he had seven
hundred wives, whom he consulted on
all occasions.
Keen penetration. don't love
mel know you DON'T" said young
married lady to her husband. II give
you credit, my dear, for keen pene-
tration," was his cons1ling reply.
No change twentyp" "Yes," F"
she explained. George made me
promise when we were married that l
would never change. / was twenty
then, and l mean to keep my promise. "
An Irishman on board vessel, when
she was on the point of founderiny, be-
ing desired to come on deck as she was
going down, replied that he had no
wish to go on deck to see himself
drowned.
A woman applied to a magistrate for
summons against neighbor. "She
called me thief, your honor Can't l
make her prove it?' "No doubt you
could" said the magistrate; "but l
think you had better not"
In a small party, the subject turning
TO matrimony, lady said to her sister:
81 wonder, my dear, you have never
made match; think you want the
birthstone" She replied: mo, not the
birthstone; only the spark"
The man who met his fate on the gal
lows took drop too much.
First love and fret shave come but
once in mans lifetime. And neither
usually amount to much.
A man in town has got so deeply into
debt that not one of his creditors have
been able to see him for months.
Women are the hardest conundrums
ever given to man, and yet man never
seems TO be willing 10 give them up.
Long, pointed nails are in fashion.
This will enable hen-pecked husbands
to come up to the scratch, as usual.
1t is hard to say which is more crushed
the young wife's new bonnet, or the
miserable brute of husband who un-
consciously sits down upon it.
The Irish patriots should not be dis
couraged. Married men have struggled
for home rule for twenty centuries, and
have not yet succeeded in getting it.
If Mr.. Brown marries Miss White
and son of this couple marries Miss
Grey, and daughter of theirs again
marries Mr.. Black, what color is their
offspring?
eve won't indulge in such horrid
anticipations," as the henpecked hus-
band said when the parson told him he
would be joined to his wife in another
world, never to separate.
Love is said to be the motive power Of
the world, and yet fifty-six women out
of every ninety-two will stick to it that
a well seasoned broom handle is more
reliable than moral suasion for immedi-
ate results.
That was a CHASTITY joke that sinful
Southern chap played on a stranger
whom he promised to introduce to a
rich planter, and then took him around
and presented him TO the leading under
taker.
A remarkable accident happened to a
young man at Weissport. He is court.
ing very fat girl, and the other even
ing she planked herself down in his LAP
so suddenly that her weight drove hi:
feet clear through his boots.
The following is copy of an adver'
tisement which appeared in a country
paper: "Made their escape-a husband
affections. They disappeared immedi
ately on seeing his wife with her hand.
and face unwashed at breakfast"
A lady remained too long on tralr
to kiss friend, and trying to get of
after it was started, was thrown Yio
lently on her face. ''If eyer kiss any
body again." she said vengefully, as sh,
arose: "any woman, at least" sh,
thoughtfully added.
"What is the origin of motion?
asked a celebrated preacher. Well
there are many origins. A call to din
ner will bring men TO their feet in I
second, and spider down a girls necl
is the origin of some of the liveliest mo
tions the world ever saw.
A lover once wrote TO lady who haC
rejected him, saying that he intended
to retire to some secluded spot anC
breathe away his life in sighsr TC
which a lady replied by inquirinl
whether they were to be medium o.
large size. The man has not since beer
heard from.
'Tis the sweetest thing in life to Sc,
the childlike simplicity and Difference Il
maternal authority which a maiden Oi
thirty-five or forty will exhibit before !
roomful of people as she skips acros:
the floor to ask dear mamma If she may
walk up and down the piazza for little
while.
Hay fever is not an affirmative all
ment. 1t is always found with the
nose.
Twenty Years Record.
Rev. J. w. Macomber, Mahopac
Putnam Co., N. Y. writes:-"Aboui