Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-06-19
-MARTlNSBURG INDEPENDENT
Saturday. June 10, 1856.
Numerous.


twelve COWS lynn down in a meadow,
an wan of them was shtandin up
that 'ud be a BULL
will you carve p asked the land
lady of young Shawbones, who is in
college.
Certainly; where's the body?-I
mean bring on the meat, correcting
himself as best he could.
Teacher-.Wha is the difference
between the body and the soul p
Johnny (vacantly)-'The body is
mortal and material; the soul
Teacher (impatiently )-'Y es; and the
soul r johnny The soul is immor
tai and immaterial.'
A little black boy stood with his
small sister at the edge OF water
lily pond in Florida. 'Ephium, said
the girl, what makes so many cat
tails grow in dis heah POM 'Doan
you knowp inquired Ephium; why
dey grow up from kittens that peo-
pie hez drowned in Z, pom, of course,
Prof. Willis, the physiognomist, i,
SAYS; Beware of the girl that has
black eyes, shun the girl with blue,
and run from the girl with gray eyes.
This practically restricts the choice
of the foolish young man to the Cir
cassian girl with pink eyes, who is
not warranted genuine outside ofthe
dime museum.
A young married couple who had
lived very happily together for four
years have two children, whom they
have named alpha and Omega
Judging from the name they have
given the last one, we are led to be-
lieve they mediate dissolution ofco-
partnership.
1T is curious custom the Japan
ese have, my dear remarked a hus
band, 'of taking their shoes off when
entering the house The custom is
curious replied the lady, from the
fact that it is practical at all hours
instead of at night only;' and the
husband said, Yes with a rising in
Election, which was about all he could
say.
What did you ring that bell for,
Dan ? asked the President. ooh, l
was only going to send down for q
little hot water and sugar. The
Presidents face grew sad as he OBJ
served, signing 4 don't believe,
Dan, that you will ever learn that
this is an age Of Jefersonian SIMPLE
ity,'
fYou ought to have your baby
baptized, Rastus,' said q member of
the church to a colored father. Yes,
sab; but / can't afford de cost 1T
doesn't cost anything Il know it
doesn't cost nuthin' fo' de mere act
of baptism, sab, but you see l owe
de minister two dollars for perfo'min
de weddin' cer'mony yeah ago, an
D..
he mought object, sab, to baptizin'
a baby dat hadn't been paid fo'.'
My husband is so poetic, said one
lady to another in Seventh street
car the other day. Have you ever
tried rubin his j'ints with harts-
horn liniment, NUM-? interrupted q
beefy-looking woman, who overheard
the remark. 'Thatll straighten him
out as quick as anything | know of
if he hasn't got it too bad
Customer-Mr. Schidelheimer, il
seems to me that your ten-cent loaves
are not proportionateiy larger than
your five-cent loaves, certainly not
twice as large. Schidelheimer-Dot
vas so. vas told dot myself already
before, und / fixes dot. Tomorrow
will make dose five-cent loafs mucl
smaller.
Patient to physican-Soyou thinl
that III recover. Physician-Yes
but you must never again submit
yourself to any mental strain. Pa
tient-But must make my living
What would you advise me to do
]. -: anth irncr N cHl