Daily Republican., 1886-10-14

Young hopeful ION seeing a negro
baby for the first time)-"Mamma is
that spoiled childp'
"Can you tell me what a smile
Isl" asked q gentleman of little
girl. ''Yes sir; it is the whisper of
laugh"
"What a beautiful form!" exclaimed
Miss Titelace, the first time she saw
an eel; 'such q long, thin waist, you
know"
A writer says that ''dress is wo-
mans great conundrum." But 1t is
hoped that she will never be compelled
Ito give it up"
An exchange says that ice two inches
thick will support a man, In mid
summer it generally supports the ice
man and his entire family.
The habit of sbbreviating every
thing one writes is u bad habit. The
other day contemporary spoke of a
lady appearing at the theatre Sin eve.
costume"
Papa" asked 10 hnny, "what does
embodiment of unmitigated asininity
meanP" TT means the other fellow"
replied the pa, who is a Harlem politi.
| clan.
ibid you ever ask any one else to
be your wife?" she queried in much
doubt. "No, darling" he answered
tenderly; ~ assure you this is my
maiden effort"
We understand that young gentle
man in one of the rural towns of Con.
necticut is wearing badge won by
his fathers cow at cattle show. He
would make great man in politics.
We are glad that we didn't live in
ancient times and have TO wear plate
armor 1t must have been mighty
hard work for fellow to reach over
and scratch his back against tele-
graph pole when he was on full. dress
| parade.
| A Boston girl was thrown from her
carriage, and in reply as to whether
she was hurt said: 81 really believe l
have fractured the extensor ossis meta
carpi policis manus" She had broken
her thumb.
"You did not pay very close atten-
ton to the sermon, fear, this morn
ing" "Oh, yes, did, mamma"
swell, what did the minister sayr"
"He said the picnic would start at 10
O'Clock on Thursday morning."
SIS it a SIM" asked fashionable
lady of her spiritual director, ''for me
TO feel pleasure when gentleman
says 1 am handsome9" at is, my
daughter" he replied gravely; 1--WE
should never delight in talsehood."
"What about stockingsP" demands
a fashionable paper. If the bold, bad
editor who asked such question in
public print will excuse the burning
bushes of his daily contemporary, we
would timidly suggest g-rt-rs.
Overheard yesterday in a street car
81 tried to kiss my wife at the front
door tonight as 1 was leaving home,
and do you know she wouldn't let me.
She said she didn't want the neighbors
TO be taking her for the hired grill"
ooh, dear" sighed Widow Jones,
"if John had only made will there
wouldn't be all this trouble about the
property" "Do the lawyers bother
your" Bother me? They almost
worry me to death. l declare, l some
times almost wish that John hadn't
died"
Fair Customer-"And you can mel
up these spoons, you say, and make
new ones" Jeweler-"Oh, yes
easily. ! suppose the same marking
will do for the new ones7" Fair Gus
tomer-"Yes, you needn't melt the
marking, Mr.. Sprugs. Just save thai
expense"
A scientist says the earth's surface
is slowly changing. and what is val
ley to-day, may be a mountain a mil
lion years hence. A man who con
templates erecting residence in tn,
valley should remember this and b.
, prepared TO find his house on the tol
of high mountain in the year ,001,
1856.
'Young man," said the village edi
; tor severely to the aspiring poet WHIT
had brought in one of his latest et
forts for publication, ''this poem 0
, 'Lucy's Charms is not bad as a whole
r but that second verse, beginning He
eyes, my SOUL her eyesl' is certainl,
the most fragrant plagiarism. You'll
find that in every Methodist hymn
book"
A British soldier, on foreign serv
ice, recently wrote the following terse
but pithy epistle to his wife: "Dea
: Mary--I haint hered from you fur 81
long that l hev forgot you and go
married to Eguptain woman. Trus
tim this won't make no differents il
our relashunship when l comes back
| ham your affekshunate husband
j. W."
In one of our Western exchanges thu
following advertisement recently ap
peared: ''My wife Jenny ran awaw,
or was taken away, from me q weel
ago. The first person who returns hel
| will shoot on the spot" Now, ther,
is man who probably knows wher
he is in luck and is bound that no un
forseen circumstances shall upset his
applicant.
IL think l have stumbled into
the wrong Office" explained stranger
who opened the door of a Cincinnati
lawyer den. "Well, that depends
If you are in business and desire tt
fail and pay ten cents on the dollar
this is the right office" "Oh, but I'm
enc of the creditors ofjust such man
and l wanted" Certainly; come in
III either get your claim in full OF
have the scoundrel indicted for fraud
| At breakfast he began to play with
the cruet stand. His papa told hin
not to do SO. He persisted, and at las
upset it and spilled the red pepper on