News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-09-23


saves beautiful young girl from drown
ing Her grateful father seized the res
cuer of his daughter by the hand, anC
in voice tremulOus with emotion, said
''Noble youth, to you l am indebted
for everything that makes life dear tC
me. Which reward will you take
5000, 900 or the hand of my daughterP
''I'll take the daughter" replied the
heroic rescuer, thinking thereby to gel
both the girl and the money.
''You have we'll chosen" replied the
grateful father; 81 could not have given
you the $500, 900 just yet, anyhow, as
have not yet laid up that amount, being
only poor editor, but my daughter is
yours for life. Take her and be happy.
God bless you, my children
"Say, Milus, when air yer gwine tel
name yer new boy2" a negro, upon
meeting an old acquaintance, asked.
Done named him"
"Dat soE"
eyes, sir"
sHopes yer gin him er big name"
81 did. Named him arter big Con-
gresham"
"What does yer call him"
"Oleomargarine Bill"
stDat's right. Name him arter de
statesmen an de folks KANT say dat he's
er slouch. Dat generman what yer
named him arter hill de whole Congress
fur laung time, an O. cose mus be Ell
smart man "-A kWaSnW 1rao3ter.
THE GOOD THINGS OF LIFE
"That's what call good dinner, .
remarked Bobby, as he leaned back in
his chair with an air of repletion.
Bobby" said his mother, 81 am
ashamed of you"
I he minister, who was dining with
the family, laughed heartily.
Bobby appreciates the good things
of life" he said, like all the rest ot
"Don't you think it was good din
ner?' Bobby asked of the minister.
Eyes, indeed. 1 enjoyed it very
much"
'', said she thought YOU would, be
cause she supposed you didn't get very
much at home"
TEE PLACE.
A minister in the country had some
clothing repaired by local tailor, and
in conversing with him said, incautious-
ly:
''When want a good coat I 60 to
Boston. That the place. BY the way,
he added, ''do you ever go to church?'
eyes, sir"
"Aud where do you attend?"
"Well, sir, when I want to hear a
good serson 90 to Boston. That's the
place. "--BoStOn Beacon.
THE ANSWER.
"Well," said the perservering gov
erness, Il Will put it in another shape.
If it takes one servant nine hours to do
the Cntite housework of one family,
how long will it take three servants to
do it?'
Little Nell-Oh, l can answer that.
| heard mamma speak of it this very
morning"
Teacher well, how long will it
take themN''
Little Nell-"Three times as long"
BUSINESS PRONUNCIATION.
Tommy-Oh, yes! capital supper !!
But l wasn't very hungry, so l just
told the waiter to bring the narGngs, you
know.
Tommy's mother-The what2
"The mrangs."
''That's not the way to pronounce
m-e-r-i-n-g u-e-s."
''No, but it's the way to get EN-"
LACoNIC LETTER.
SIN the days of '49" member of a
party of miners strayed away from his
companions and was destroyed by wild
beasts. The friend upon whom it de-
volved to ''break the news gently to
the bereaved parents showed himself
equal to the occasion by writing the
following letter: MISTER SMITA DEER
SUR the Kiotes has etc your suns he'd
off Yurs JOHN JoNEs.--Harper'S Maya
zine.
OFFICIAL BUSINESS.
Mrs. Murphy to the country Post
masterI-Is there anythin' for me, Mr..
Waggle?
Postmaster thar was a postal
card, but l swan to gracious l guess
must lost it. | can't find it no how.
All it said was that your darter would
be home from Pigville bout the middle
of the week.
ABeUT GETTING DOWN.
Acting auditor in the treasury depart
ment soliloquizes: United States to
John Smith. Dr.: TO repairing the
lightning rod on the Washington mOnu-
ment, S2l. Items. TO climbing up to
the break, 81; repairing rod, 81; get
ting down again, 81. This last item
must be stricken out, for although the
getting up and the repairs were done in
the interest of the state, getting down
again is John Smiths own affair"
NOT IMPRESSED.
First Young Lady-And how do you
like Mr.. Brisk l saw him with you a
moment.
Second ". Am not impressed
Cannot abide bald headed men
First y. L-Why, his head is not
bald.
Second y. l.--Oh, yes, it is--inside. -
Lie.
CouING TRAGEDY.
Brown-What's the matter with you
and Robinson, Dumlev2 l hear that he
has threatened to pull your ears the first
chance he gets.
Dumley dumping up and downl-He
will, will hei Pull my ears Well,
you can bet your sweet life he'd have
his hands tull.
ACC!D Mt OF BIRTH.
First Wayfarer-W but if you're
Dublin man, how came you to be born
in Cork2
Second ditto--Sure, it was just this
l was staying there at the tonne, --
Judy,