davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-04-07
HOW TO BE HAPPY.

Are you almost disguised
With life, little man:
will tell you wonderful trick
That will bring you contentment,
If anything can;
Do something for somebody, quick;
Do something for somebody, quick!
Are you awfuIly tired
With play, little girls
Weary, discouraged and sicks
I'll tell you the lovelies5
Game in the world;
Do something for somebody, quick;
Do something for somebody, quickl
Though it rains like the rain
Of the food, little man,
And the clouds arc forbidding and thick,
You can make the sun shine
In your soul, little man:
Do something for somebody, quick;
Do som ,thing for somebody, quickl
Though the skies are like brass
Overhead, little girl,
And the walk like well-heated brick;
And our earthly affairs
In terrible whirl'
Do something for somebody, quick;
Do something for somebody, quickI
Mary Brainord.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-04-07
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
What they Thought-Couldn't Fool
Her-Romance Of Chunder Ram
Chowder - my Lord, the
Juke'-Lost Collar Button.

"Ha! ha! hal" laughed Detroiter as
he met lawyer at the postofice yester-
day; "but a very funny thing occurred
in connection with my trip to Chicago
last week."
eyes"
"stopped at one of the big hotels, you
know, and the night came away I for
got to pay my bill. Yes, sir; walked
right off without saying word, and
never thought of the matter again until
half way home"
''I sec."
tWonder what they'll think?"
"Why," replied the lawyer, as he drew
a letter from his pocket, "they have al
ready forwarded me requests to sue and
collect. The bill is 1915, and my fees are
$1.25. Please call at the office at once
and save expense !"-Free Press.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-04-07
THE FAMILY DOCTOR.
Exercise for Aged People.

NJ. Bouchardat, professor Of hygiene ut
the Paris faculty of medicine, protested
in strong terms at recent lecture against
! the advice given by some hygienists who
recommend almost complete rest to the
aged, in the following terms: 81 pro-
test against the oft repeated adage that
old age is the age of rest. This senteEce
has led to a very great error in hygiene.
The regular general exercise OF all organs
of nutrition and of locomotion Is neccs-
sary to persons of all ages. The greatest
attention on this point is all the more nee
essary that the tendency to rest brings on
q gradual d.minut:nn of the strength.
S.If the old man docs not resist, his
strength will visibly and ogressively
diminish, and the few days he may have
to live may be transformed into just so
many hours. In proof that regular
daily exercise is beneficial to the aged.
one has only to observe the results in
some of the handsomest old men, who
take little or no rest. Moderate exer
else, particularly walking, should be the
leading precept of the hygiene of the
aged, without which longevity is we'll
nigh impossible"
Professor Bouchardat also recommends
that old people should maintain their in
tellectual faculties, or otherwise they
will get into a state of incurable torpor.
This is best accomplished by having
some steady intellectual pursuit, ald by
taking an active interest in the events
and progress of the day. Iu our boyhood
we remember very old man, who told
us he kept in as perfect health as an
old man can be by cnopping wood for an
hour or two every day. This he regarded
as sufficient exercise for him. Another
old man we know finds his health greatly
benefited by saving wood with the ordi-
nary buck saw.-Herald Of Health.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-04-07
Matricide.

AFrench investigator of criminal STA
tlstics proves that there are 1850 infanti-
cides, 100 suicides, and forty-tive patricides
to one matricide A man will kill his chill
dren By the dozen and attempt his own
life hundred times before he will lift a
hand against his mother. At least the
Caucas an man of the nineteenth century.
Among the Botocudos Indians of the
Orinoco, where suicide is almost un-
known, a stout young man will tn nix it
a shame to let his old mother become q
burden to the tribe if he can find club
to dispatch her at the first symptom of
dotage. ge.-Fslig L. Os,oah.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-04-07
Romance of Chunder Ram Chowder.

Chunder Ram Chowder. the Reverend
Marmalade of Dowwal agalla, when q
young prince, was enamored of beauti-
full girl, the daughter of merchant.
He lawned his dress suit, and for three
DAYS fed the object of bis love with ice
cream and caramels. At the end Of this
short siege, having persuaded her that
his facilities were unequaled for .continu-
ing to supply her with unlimited quanti-
ties of caramels and ice cream for an in
definite period, she yielded and agreed
to depart with him to the wilderness.
That night, while the prince was loiter-
ing under her window with a ladder, her
father appeared and kicked him clear over
the top of a grove of banyan trees, and
when he came down bull dog as big as a
yearlng calf, was waiting for him, and
sat down with him to plain but sub
stantial luncheon, at which, however, the
prince ate nothing. The next morning,
on his way to the hospital, the beautiful
girl met him and said, reproa 'hfully:
Last night you were to fly with me. "
"Ah, yes" replied Chunder Ram
Chowdcr, "but last night your father
was too fly for me-"
He then entered the convent of the
Hadda Nuff hang, who took upon them
selves vows of celibacy and wore sheet
iron trousers; nor d ID he again see his
charmer until five years afterward, when
he met her at the funeral of her third
hush md, the other two having been di-
yorced. .-Burdette, in Brooklyn Eagle.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-04-07
Couldn't Fool Her.

As Mr.. Krewskin was going home the
other day at noon, he s,w the wagon Of
travelling photographer.
81 will stop and have few tintypes
taken, just for fun," he mentally re-
mark d, entering the peripatetic estab-
lishnent.
'Thcre," said the photographer, show
ing him proof, 81 think that is pretty
good likeness"
Krewskin looked at it with puzzled
expression, and fna ly said: 81 guess
it'll do" When he got home he showed
the tintypc to his wife, and jokingly
told her it was picture of the ''Wild
Man from Borneo," down in the dime
museum.
"You can't fool me-" said his wife.
examining the pi, tire critically. 1--WE
seen the wild man from Borneo. and he
is not hrlf so homely and frightful look
ing as this"
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-04-07

residence on Squirrel Hill, one of the
toniest places about Pittsburg, sur
rounded by fine growing family and as
happy as dickey birds.
"Some freaks never get married.
There is Millie Christine, the double
headed colored girl. She has had many
offers, but declined them all, apparently
not caring to follow the example of the
late Siamesc twins, each of whom mar
ried and raised family. y."-Philadclphla
Timea
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-04-07
o new arm

limo part of the Southern Hemisphere
is population increasing 80 rapidly as in
sydney. In 1870 the population Of tho
city and its suburbs was about 140, 600;
at the close of 1885 it was estimated ut
$50, 900, having more than doubled in flf-
teen years.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-04-07

Bret Harte has written poem con o
Naughty Little boy, Sleeping" This,
says the Springfield Union, recalls some
very striking lines Oh a naughty little
boy, wide awake, produced by rhyth'
mical mother, that we knew a good many
Years ago.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-04-07

Thousands on thousands of men in
London live the year round at the rate OF
ten or twelve pence day, equal to twen'
ty-four cents of American money, inclu-
siye of food with shelter.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-04-07

The lines that tailors hang clothes On
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24
MINNESOTA NEWS.

Peter Mahowa of St. Joe, Scott
county, had the top of his head cut off
by circular saw.
Gov. Hubbard has issued warrant
for the execution of John Hutchinson
for the murder of Archie Mclean, at
East Grand Forks, to occur April %.
Timothy Murphy, a farmer near
Caledonia, has been missing for several
days, and it is feared that he has been
murdered, as he was possessed of con-
siderable money.
Parties at WATERFOWL, in digging a
well, came across substance that has
great explosive powers. In its lumpy
state the action is slow, but when pull
verified it flashes like rifle powder.
-Adolph Biermann has been sued
for $3.50 by the proprietors of the
Svenska Folkets Allasanda, paper
published at Litchfeld. They claim
the amount is due for 5000 copies of
their paper.
"A report comes from the town Of
New London, fourteen miles north of
Willmar, of the destruction by fire of
the building of VIM. Whitney, who was
burned to death. Mr.. Whitney lived in
dug OUT the roof of which was
covered with straw.
"A three-year-old daughter Of Henry
Hcinzman of Mankato township was
frightfully scalded onThursday, from the
effects of which she died on the follow
ing day. The child was playing in the
house and fell into pail of boiling wa
ter aud burned about the back and
body,
John Sikorski, workman engaged
/ in the sawdust fuel pile of the L. G.
Porter Milling company, Winona. was
instantly killed last Thursday by the
caving in Of an overhanging bank Of
| sawdust, underneath which he was
working. He was thirty-two years o.
age and leaves wife and three child
rem,
(; A German in North Rochester gave
party some days ago, and thirteen Of til;
twenty-eight who attended are lying
sick, several of them being severely i'll
It is supposed that some of the canned
meat used at the supper is the cause OF
| the illness. One of the young ladies
who attended the party, Miss Jennie
Kemp, is dead.
james Downher and his wife, living
near Morristown, were examined by the
Judge of probate ut Faribault few days
since. Che man was committed to the
second hospital for the insane, but the
woman was sent home. Both have
been attending revival meetings, and
their arrangement is probably due to
religious excitement.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24

San Francisco Alta: A dog belong
ing to passenger on the Mary CARAT.
upon recent trip from Stockton to San
Francisco, swan in the wake of the
steamer for four miles in an effort to re-
join his master. The latter-a Ger.
man, named Vosgnard went into tears
and asked to have the dog picked up or
to be himself set ashore, but the request
was refused. Fortunately, some one on
the river bank rescued the faithful dog,
and he was subsequently restored to his
master.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24

Those who believe that nature will
work off a cough or cold should nGder-
stand that this is done ut the expense
of the constitution. Each time this
weakens the system, and we all know
that the termination of this dangerous
practice is q consumptive's grave.
Don't take the chances, when a fifty
cent bottle Of DR.. Bigelow's Positive
Cure will safely and promtly cure any
recent cough, cold or throat or lung
trouble. Buy the dollar bottle of drug
gists for chronic cases or family use. [3l
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24
an E,.tea7oyisi,sg, Reliable House

I'M E,stea7,yisi,sg, Reliable House
G. L. Roos can always he relied
upon, not only to carry in stock the
pest of everything. but to secure the
Agency for such articles as have we'll.
known merit, and are popular with the
people. thereby sustaining the reputa-
ton of being always enterprising and
ever reliable. Having secured the
Agency for the celebrated DR.. Kings
New Discovery for Consumption, will
sell it on . positive guarantee. It will
surely cure any and every affection of
Throat, Lungs, and Chest, and to
show: our confidence, we invite you to
call and get a Trial Bottle Free. s
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24
UMfcuxt L0ll1IO1l.

Much excitement has been made by
reports recently published on the vile
condition of the slums Of London. In
one cellar was found a family consist
ing OF y man sick with smallpox, his
dying wife, three half naked and dirty
children, and one pig. In some paris
there is one gin.mlll 10 every hundred
persons. What defilement! Yet cor
responding impurities often defile the
human blood. They can be cast out by
Browns Iron Bitters, the great strength
ener and purifier. Mr.. B. j. Strange.
of Stark Lake, Florida, says, s'Brown's
Iron Bitters is the best blood purifier l
ever tried. 1t gives all the satisfaction
q man can want.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24


Our readers are cautioned about buy
ing medicines whicu are nos endorsed
by some we'll known druggist. Cnas L..
Roos, Druggist has made at thorough
study of B God diseases. and after a
careful investigation. and many practi-
cal tests, positively asserts tina, Acker's
Blood Elixir will cure all blood di,or-
ders, Riding the system OF its impuri-
ties, and leaving it strong. vigorous
and healthy he warrants it. IL is 3
certain cure for all skin diseases. l
During serious run of whoopiny
cough at Saltwater, N Y. the physi-
clans found that Acker's English Rem.
edy was positive cure, and prescribed
it very freely. Cnas. L. Roos, Drug
gist says that in all his experience he
never has known any mcdicne 10 equal
it. He guarantees it to cure all Coughs
Especially chronic cases). Group,
Asthma and Consumption. 2
In order that sufferers may know
that Acker's Dyspepsia Tab cts will
always cure them. Cnas. L. Roos.
Druggist. emphasical y says that if the
Tablets do not relieve every case of
Dyspepsia, Constipation, Sour Stomach.
Sick Headache. Heartburn, 81, &c..
he does not want any pay. The phy-
sicians say they are the fines; com BIZ
nation that can be found. Price % cents.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24
an A2as2Uf.,. IVrs2afe<7.

Can any one bring us case Of Kid
ney or Liver Complaint that Electric
Bitters will not speedily cure? We say
hey can not, as thousands of cases al
ready permanently cured and who are
daily recommending Electric Bitters,
will prove. Bright's Disease, Diabetes.
Weak Back, or any urinary complaint
quickly cured. They purify the blood.
egufate the bowels, and act directly on
the diseased parts. Every bottle qua
"anteed. For sale at soc. a bottle by
C. l.. Roos. ri
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24

The postoffice at Quincy, Ark, is still
oesieged by the parties who drove away
the postmaster some weeks ago. The
postmaster's relatives hold the post
office, sand haye repulsed several at
tacks.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24

Many suffering people drag themselves
about with failing strength. feeling that
they are steadily sinking into the grave,
when by using Parkers Tonic they
wonld find a cure commencing with the
nrst dose, and vitality and strength
surely coming back to them. Mch j
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24
WASHINGTON LETTER.
Washington, Feb. 10, 1885,

W we AO3 AOOOs
Although you may not believe me,
the dismal fact remains the samesthat
Congress is to have the Fitz John Por-
ter relief business all over again. The
debate has actually begun, and the
greater part of the week has been set
apart for this subject. A week too, IN
the midst Of the busy part of the ses-
sion. What could be more dreary? OF
course nothing new could be brought
forth in the discussion. The same old
battles of the war will be fought over
again. The same old evidence, so often
sifted, is all there is in the case now.
No witnesses could be summoned who
will not be recognized as old acquaint-
ances.
Representative Steele, of Indiana,
who was among the first to speak in
opposition to the bill, promised with the
remark: ''What in thunder are we here
for? Why are we discussing Fitz John
Porter? The Democrats will vote for it
anyhow Still the gentleman from
Indiana said he would not be deferred
from giving the reasons why he would
vote against it. He severely condemn
ed General Porter's disregard of the
order to march, declaring that the or
der was peremptory, and that it could
and should have been obeyed.
An old resident of Washington re.
marked recently that the National
Capital had changed wonderfully in the
past few years. although. we have a
Democratic Administration" said he,
II notice that the tendency Of society is
more aristocratic than ever Another
replied: "Of course it is. The genu-
inc democracy OF the country went out
of power last March. Nine-tenths Of
the Republican voters are too demo-
cratic to belong to the Democratic par
ty. All that was anti-republican in Of
fetal society here during the last TWEEN
ty.four years Of Republican rule, has
been copied this year with exaggerated
emphasis. "
Attorney General Garland, of Pan
Electric fame, is credited with furnish
ing the Jeffersonian simplicity for the
Administration, while Secretary Whit
ney furnishes thesss.magnifcence. Mr..
Garland abjures State dinners. and has
said that he will never! no never! wear
3 swallow tail coat. Mr.. Whitney is
the dude of the Cabinet, and is wealthy
He delights in display and is never tir-
ed of;adding to the rich. collection OF
artistic belongings with which his resi-
dence here is furnished. He bought 49,.
600 worth of bric-a- brac from one New
York dealer alone.
The Secretaries of State and War,
Bayard and Endicott. furnish the blue
blood Of the Cabinet. each coming from
ancestral lines of pilgrim and cavalier.
They are both dignitied in person, Of
comfortable fortunes. and born arsto-
Gratis. No one would ever think OF APP
oroaching these gentlemen with Pan
Electric to Obtain the influence of their
xalted positions to give it intrinsic
value, and neither OF these gentlemen
would appear on an evening social oc-
casion without swallow tails.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24

Col. Bend was again kicked out of
court this week. His brooches must be
stuffed at the rear, else his anatomy has
become so calloused by repeated kick
ings that he can now stand any amount
of it. st. James Journal.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24

Your medicine Athlophoros. has done
me more good than all others put to-
gether. I can recommend it highly to
those suffering from rheumatism and
neuralgia. 1 am to-day free from rheu-
matism. Mrs. Orville Stone, Engle-
wood, Kan.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24

Thomas jackson died at tue Reading,
Pa, ,lmshouse Wednesday,, aged lO4
years. During the zero weather OF
January last ne was found ha.f frozen
in a little hut, where ne mad lived near.
ly fifty years. He was formerly one of
Andrew Jackson's slaves.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24

Indianapolis News John Crawford,
farmer of MARSHALL county, was pre-
sented by slick stranger with :, sickle
grinder, and signed postal card to give
shipping directions. In q few days he
was informed that tfirty-s;x grinders
had been shipped, rs per written order,
amounting to $2l6. Mr., Crawford COM
promised by giving his note for $175.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24

Why will you suffer with a bad cold
when q few doses Of Vests Cough Sy-
rup will cure you. Invaluable for all
throat and lung troubles. Consump-
.tives try it. Small size 25c. large bot
ties $1.00. All druggists. J
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24

Hold on to the truth. for it will serve
you well and do you GOOD through
eternity. Hold on 10 virtue. il IS be-
yond price TO you II al times and
places. Hold on to Dr.. Bulls Cough
Syrup, for there is nothing like it to cure
cough or cold.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24

In England it is crime for marri-
age ceremony to be performed except
between 8. q. M. and IL m. A bill has
been introduced in parliament making
it lawful to solemnize marriage between
8 a, M. and 4 . m,
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24

4 man in Uxbridge, Mass. has q pair
of steers which work together like hor-
ses, and have a trotting record sof IS
minutes 8 seconds for one mile. ii ltss
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24

For liver complaint. dyspepsia, and
sick headache use Vests Liver Pills.
All druggists.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1886-08-05
DEFIANT MEXICANS.

The Mexican outrages on Ameri-
can citizens nave provoked Governor
Ireland of Texas to demand of Presi-
dent Cleveland protection of the gem
eral government, or the State will
protect itself. There is no question
that the Mexicans have perpetrated
many outrages that demands the in
tervention of the United States gov
eminent, but war with that nation
would only put US in possession of a
lot of ''greasers" as citizens, good
deal of territory that would require an
extra garrison of troops, an increase
of taxes, without an increase of ben
efits. We have enough of bad citi-
zens in the United States now of an
archial tendencies, without adding to
the number by conquest. Yet if
nothing will satisfy the Mexicans to
make them respect the rights of
Americans, why give them "shot and
SHELF and let them understand that
they cannot imprison and murder our
citizens with impunity.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1886-08-05
EATING THEIR DEAD.

St. Johns, N. f., July 30.-A spe-
cial to the Advertiser says: Herge-
MATHS Ter, one of the Esquimaux,
who arrived here ON the Nancy Bar
ret, from Okkak, Labrador, says that
the population of that settlement was
nearly 1870, yet when he left with his
wife not a soul remained, Early in
March the food gave out. Every
drop OF oil and bit of sealskin was
utilized, and at rare intervals bear
was killed, but finally the supplies
were quite exhausted, On June 3,
they had eaten nothing tor six days,
and, jaded by hunger, they Toasted
upon the cOrpses of several whites
and a few Indians that had been kill
ed by the cold. When one of their
own party died, the body was cut OPP
Ell, the entrails were taken out and
the remainder was frozen up for use.
From this food a terrible dysentery
set in among the survivors, and on
July ] there were but sixteen per-
sons alive, the bodies of over twenty
having been eaten. The sixteen sur
yiy0rs started down the coast in a
sledge drawn by four dogs, the only
living creatures lett them, their po-
MES having been sacrificed to APP
pease their hunger long before.
When about twenty-four miles from
Cape Mugford a heavy snow storm
set in. While the party were en-
deavoring 10 find their way they
were attacked by white bears to the
number Of twenty-five on thirty,
which killed all of the party but two,
the survivors being among the num-
Der at Cape Mugford.