The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-04-01

C,r.oH-vKE-psying the doctor Who
orrscribes for q cold. Maverick.
|. No WAITER how hard the dudes try
| to get tight. they can not get as high
~ their COLLARS.
Hot springs climbing up stairs in
August sfter delinquent subscriber
National Igeskiy.
AL flesh is grass" but some people
display more greenness than others.
Pittsburgh Chronic 6.
| THIEVES are said to be fond of AN
old fashioned game OF Billiards. because
they can nerally pocket something.
PROFESSOR Ito student)-@W What i'm
portant change came over Eurns in the
latter part of his life?" Student-"He
died"
Why is a suspender button like
birthday party? Because it is almost
SIRE TO come off.-Burti7agton Free
| Press.
PHILOSOPHER observes six things
are requisite to create happy home.
One of these is good cook, and the
other five are money"
The negro problem just now is how
to lift a $3.50 mortgage from his mule
with $40 bale of cotton and have any
mule left.-Maco,s (Ga.) Telegraph.
TASTE for paintng2 den know.
He may, perhaps, be full II IL;
He did his best 70 paint COW,
And-well? He made a bull of IL.
John, have you kept the diary that
1 gave you last New Year's?" "Oh,
yes, father, / put it in the bottom of
my trunk to be sure that it wouldn't
get away"
@DoEs your wife talk in her sleep?'
| asked one married man of another, one
day when they were comparing notes.
Il don't lie awake to see, replied the
heartless husband, "but she talks all
the rest of the time, so / rather guess
she does. "-LouisDi.le Journal.
"BoYs," shouts an enthusiastic re-
former, "boys, if you must marry, be
sure to marry women" There's a world
of sound, practical common sense in
this pertinent piece of advice. Yes,
boys; be sure to marry women. Don't
marry your mothers brother, nor your
fathers grandfather, but marry wo-
man, and you'll be wiser and happier
for it.-MaUerick.
A SAUNDERsvILLE schoolgirl lately
puzzled her teacher with the inquiry:
IF the Oldest child of an English ruler
succeeds to the throne. what would
happen if the oldest child was twins?"
The girl WIS very much surprised at
the teachers inability to answer off
hand, and tried to find out from her
1>v,ff h< "a, az
the village Worcester (Mass.) Spy.
He was trying to beat a Chatham
street dealer down on suit of clothes,
and he finally observed, you'll admit
that wool is down, won't you?" 20,
yes" "And cotton is down, and labor
is down. ~Shust So "Well, then.
how can Won call that suit worth Sl4."
my friendt, you haf entirely forgotten
dot buttons vhas way oop. Dot vhas
der basis / figure On.'-WaU Street
Neaos.
Mrs. PARvENU comes to the front
again. She was making call, and in
the course of the conversation her
friend remarked: "Mr. jackson, hear,
has gone to the land OF the caribou and
moose to have some shooting" Mrs
Parvenu met Mrs. Jackson some days
later "Ah," said she; show is Mr..
Jackson? has he gotten back yet?"/
"Yes, he came back last night" and
did he shoot caboose 2"-Bost0h
Record.
DISAPPOINTMENT.
We often feel peculiar
As throug gin this Id we range.
But of all our funny feelings
Perhaps the one most strange
Is that we know when with VICAR
We shoot one foot in the air.
To break the ribs Of the bulldog
That jumps and isn't there.
Puck.
CoURTsHIP AND MARRIAGE.
"A Nnvelfn Three Chapters.
CHAPTER I.
Maid one.
CHAPTER III.
Maid won
CHAPTER III.
Made one
The Rambler.
BoARDINs-HoUsE MIsrREss-@Jane,
go right down to the market this IN
slant and order me ten square inches
of elephant steak" Jane-@Good
gracious, mum, and phwats got into
yez now? Boarding House Mistress
81 ont stand there asking me foolish
questions, Jane, but go right along and
do as tell you. I've just been read