Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1886-03-05
THE LINE KILN CLUB.
New Rulss-Th President Phil.
osophizss on the Mule, the
Weather and corns.


Detroit Free Press.
There was an unusually lai &c turn
out at the regular Saturday night
meeting, and the half dozen Chinese
lanterns which Giveadam Jones had
purchased at his own expense and
hung up around the hall produced
what Samuel Skin termed "a spec
tacled affect of de widest disorder. "
1t was announced that the follow
ing new rules and regulations would
govern until further orders:
The hour for opening the regular
meetings will be s o'clock.
No clay pipes over one year old
can be smoked In the library without
special permission.
The eating of peanuts, popcorn,
candy, etc, during sessions Is calcu-
lated to divert attention from the So
lemnity of the occasion, and is there
fore discouraged.
Members who bring their dogs
with them must be prepared for the
worst.
Any member found with his hat
on after the triangle has sounded
will be fined not less than 800.
All religious and political discuss
ion is strictly forbidden. Members
are also asked to abstain from telling
fish stories or relating adventures
with snakes and Indians.
"Gen'len," said the president, as he
softly rose up and calmly looked
down on the shining pates of Sir
Isaac Walpole aud Elder Toots, "dar
am some few things it would be well
fur you TO disreckolect;
abe man who sots on tho fence
when dc sun shines will be diggin'
fur grub when II rains.
Industry may make de back ache,
but she fills dc stomach and kivers
dc feet.
"De man who wants satisfaxshun
by law will satisfy de lawyears SOON
er dan hisself.
"Knockin' a man down bekase he
differs wild you doan' prove dc truf
Of your own posishun.
"De less a man knows de mo- anx-
ious he seems to be TO make de public
believe he am statesman.
"Let us now attack the regular pro-
granny and destroy de bizness
which has called us togeder."
The secretary called attention to
the following paragraph in the New
York Sun:
"Daniorth Smith, a colored resi-
dent of Hoboken, was yesterday fined
$50 and sent to Jail for three months,
for brutal treatment of his mule. He
is said TO be member of Brother
Gardner's Lime Kiln club"
"Does his cognomen appear on our
rolls n asked the President.
ayes, sab. He jined dis club one
var ago, and was pertickerly recon-
mended fur his child-like disposi-
tion."
"You will at once notify him dat
he am suspended fur six months
not fur wollopin dc mule, exactly, but
mo- bekase he was caught in the act
and sent to jail. owns a mule my
self, and while | strive to be placid
an fcrgivin' an charitable, dar am
occasions when l has de ole woman
lock me up down cellar an stand at
de doah wild a shot gun. If she
didn't l should jump in on dat mule
an pound him till life was distinct.
While sympathize wild Bruder
Smith, he mus stan suspended in
Difference to puolic opinyun."
Giveadam Jones offered a resolu-
ton to the effect that the club adopt
Professor Virgins weather predic-
tions up to Jan. l.
Shindig Watkins objected. lie
didn't believe in binding the club to
patronize any particular prophets
weather. Elder Toots favored the
idea. Virgins had predicted mild
winter, and If there was any mild
winter lying around loose he wanted
one. The Rev. Penstock opposed the
resolution. Virgins had predicted
rainy summer and he had purchas-
ed new pork barrel TO put under
the caves on the strength Of 1t. The
bottom of the barrel had scarcely been
wet this season.
"Gem'len," said the president with
desire to cut short further debate.
"I reckon dis club had better take
the weather as we find it. De pru-
dent man will pile up de wood, stock
in de meat and taters an depend
upon Providence for an early spring.
De resolution am declar'd outer or
der"
The secretary then announced the
following from Point Pleasant, w.
Va:
l see that the Lime Kiln club folks
are not admirers of "colored corn doc
tors" Being a corn doctor and toe
nail parer, | most earnestly protest
against the late action of the club,
and hope that 1t will be reconsidered.
| am also the proprietor and manu-
facturer of "Macamey's Lightning
Corn Exterminator," and shall for
ward free trial bottle to anyone OBJ
tanning the certificate of Brother
Gardner that he is a member in good
standing in the Lime Kiln club.
Yours respectfully,
PHLEGM MACAMEY.
The tender-hearted Samuel Shin
moved that the vote of censure from
the profession be reconsidered, but
cries of "No! mol" were heard from
all parts Of the hall, and he was
promptly Missed down. r SR
"All Of fo'ty vars ago." solemly OBJ
served the president, as he raped
for order, u made up my mind dat
de man wild con ON his toe must
either gdn an bar 1t or suffer ampu.