Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-12-16

A GENTLEMAN entered Chicago gun store
and askt to be shown some revolvers.
clerk.
Family weapon?"
yes, family weapon; just the thing for
domestic tragedies, 1t has six chambers,
slf-two bullets for your fathless wife,
Two for the ruthless destroyer of your home.
and two for yourself. They are all the go
now."-7ecds Stfttn0s.
ANATIvE of New Hebrides once prensented
hlmsrh to missionary, accompanied by two
women, and asked to be united in marriage
with them.
"TwoW cried the scsndalized clergyman.
impossible: my religion forbids polygamy."
few days afterward the savage returned
with only one, and asked that the sacred
rites might be performed.
"Bless Us! Now have only one woman :"
and what became of the other?''
"Me eat her."
MISS DE CRAsHvILLE (speaking of her poo
dle)-de isn't an Adonis, but you know he
of him.
Mr.. de Topp-why. yes, you must. What
were the circumstances?
Miss de Crashvile-Well Won see, one Of our
negh0ors threatened to shoot papa if he didn't
keep Clawed Out of his yard.
Nj Mr, de Topp tinterestedlyl7,Yes.
Miss de Crashvile-Yes, and papa tied him
up after that.-Tid- Bits.
ION! tailor. press my suit to-day"
The young man cried IN sorrow;
because my girl expects that
VIII press my suit Tomorrow"
''These clothes 1 wear are thin and old,
Ana scarcely worth a hooter,
And such sutton as l am
L m sure L would never suit her,"
"Of course" the tailor said with glee,
To see the young mans sorrow;
"My lawyer has your last years bills,
He'll press the suit o-mOrrow."
-Wdshin0ton Critic.
THERE is an old fellow up town who is
stingy and also has a very homely wife. As
he was leaving home the other morning his
wife asked him for some money.
NV hat do you want money for ?'
ITO buy curtains with" she replied,
what do you want nth curtains 2'i
ITO put upon the parlOr windows"
"What in the world do YOU want with cur-
tains upon the parlor windows P''
$50 that people across the street can not
see me"
Have they seen you yet ~
Not that know Of"
well, yOn may depend that when they see
you they will certainly send you money to buy
urtalns"-C1nctn'ldtf Enquire F.
FIRST OMAHA BAoHELoR.-I am afraid that
beautiful Miss Million is a little Eighty.
Second Omaha Bachelor-On the contrary
she's the most level headed girl / ever knew
Cant see how you got that idea. Last
evening she persisted in demanding that
must teach her how to play poker"
''Great cesar! hope you didn't do it,"
mo. thoughtlessy told her at first that
did not know how. and after that didn't want
to let her know lied don't you know"
You're saved, my boy. Pop as soon as you
wish"
"Guess you are little wild, too"
mot bit of it. She made the same request
of me. and after had taught her the game,
she quietly stated that she would never give
her hand and fortune to a man who knew
how to gamble.-OneahG World.
DANIEL" remarked the President. as he
sat IN an easy chair before his domestic fire -.
with his rheumatic legs resting across an otto
man.
''Yes, SIRE" responded the faithful and
watchful private secretary.
This rheum atism is a id, excuse me, a
dreadful nuisance"
Yes, SIRE"
"Do You think the opposition newspapers
can make any capital out of it, DanIel?''
II don't see how they can, slre."
"Of course not, Daniel; but they always
manage to get there just the same"
But this is different, SIRE"
ut looks SO to you, Daniel, in your guiIeless
innocence and perfect faith in your chief: but
IL is In my knees, Daniel, and that will be
their hold 4"
"How. sire9'
"hOw, Danielp Why. the ghouls will call it
case of Bentonla rheumatca civilservice-
reformia, the invariabe symptoms being
weakness in the knees. OH Daniel, Daniel,
the pain is nothing; it is the appearance of
things that tortures me.''- WASHINGTON Critic