The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, 1886-03-30
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
ODDS AND ENDS GATHERED FOR
AN HOURS AMUSEMENT.
a Disguised SOlGicr-An Old ALngc-Bnby
Minc-A business IIint-On the Wrong
Scent-Dots md Bushes. Etc.
ON THE WRONG SCENT.

; ON II WRONG SCENT.
They were gradually working toward
a copartnership on the usual arrange
mcnt the woman to look after the
office and the man to do the outdoor
work. He was going to take her to the
theatre. She was dccked out most
| handsomely, and her lovely scent bottle
lay tempting a young brother, who was
looking about for mischief. He picked
1T up and disappeared with it. Then he
carefully poured out the fragrant per-
fume and filled it with whisky. Then
the happy couple departed, and Meph-
isto Junior chucklcd to himself with
tiendlsh glec. They sat cntranced in
one another. fondly believing they were
enjoying the ballet. He, in a kind of
dream, reached over and took her
scent-bottle. She let it &C. lie un-
screwed the top and took a long sniff.
His dream was dispelled. He did not
say a word. The love died from his
eyes, from his heart, and she did not
find out till she had gone to her room,
fearful and sad, what had caused the
change. She has told him since of her
young brothers joke. He smiles sadly
49, V Z )ut III SlIlCl y JlllI
whisky forever comes between him and
her.-C hri%inn U"ioa.
A DIsGUsTED SOLDIER.
An lrishman serving in the United
States army in Texas. and belonging to
the infantry, was in the habit of stand
ing with his toes pointed inward, to
remedy which the sergeant continually
addressed him while on parade with,
"Stick out your toes, Patrick" 1t took
Patrick years to acquire the habit of
sticking his toes out. Just about the
time ne had succeeded he was trans
fcrrcd to the cavalry, where his habit of
sticking out his toes intcrfcred much
with his usefulness Us Il horscman. The
sergeant was continually calling to him:
"Stick in those toe, Patrick" much to
his disgust, and he exclaimed with
some emphasis "Divil take such Il sar-
vice. For five years it was nothing but
stick out your toes, Patrick and now
it's stick in your toes. Patrick There
is no plain the blackguards.''- Texas
Sytings.
OBLlGING THE PREACHER.
The Rev. DR.. S., who is a prominent
divine in q city not far from New York,
had been spending II few days-not in
this weather on an island on the
Maine coast, and. intending to depart
on a certain morning, he started for the
boat in company with a friend. a por-
ter followed with the doctors valisc.
Arriving at the wharf, they found that
to take advantage of the wind or tide
the boat had gone before the advertised
time. Not aware of the clerical char
nrfnr - tla ~. ----. -..-.
several shocking oaths in quick success.
sion.
"What do you think of that, doc
tor Z" asked his friend.
"Well," said the doctor slowly and
lmprcssively, ''thcrc are times when the
services of n layman are Indispensable"
Boston Record.
A BUSINESS CHANCE
The son of a prominent divine went
out to Dakota with the intention Of
going into business, but returned in
very low circumstance financially, hay
ing walked about half the distance.
"Why, l am surprised, my son, said
his father; al thought there were great
opportunities for making money in the
Territories. Didn't you strike Il
chance 2"
"Wcll, yes, in n measured; but the
fact is, father. l didn't hold the right
kind of n hand. 1t was good enough,
so | bet all l had on it; but the other
fellows was better and he 1akcd in the
pot"
The next Sunday the minister
preached OIL "Thc Crying Need of Mis-
sonaries in the West. "-hdependent.
A MISTAKE.
Mrs. Smith, en- very sorry, Mrs.
Hendricks, but I consider it my duty to
inform you that I saw your husband
coming out Of n saloon last evening.
Mrs. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. time was it,
Mrs. Smith2
Mrs. Smith-About s o'clock.
Mrs. Hendricks-Did you say he was
coming out or going in
Mrs. Smith-Coming out.
Mrs. Hendricks positively - You
have mistaken him for some one else.
John never comes out Of a saloon as
early as 8 o'clock.
GENEROSITY EXPLAINED.
Charley Ito Clara, who has already
eaten two dishes Of ice cream)-Will
YOU have another dish, dear
Clara-Thanks, Charley, no more.
Charley Just II more, for my
sake2
Clara-Well, for your sake, I will
take just one more.
To explain the apparent impossibility