davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
A REAL MRs pARrInnrnN.

Washington society has been enlivenod
this season by the presence OF bona
tide Mrs. Parington, who halls from one
of the Carolinas, but spends her winters
at the national capital. The lady in
question has more wealth than brains
or education, aud some Of her sayings
are related with great gusto by her
friends, In whose presence these slips of
the tongue are made. Not long since
some new ucQuaintances In social
fashion in the evening, After an ex-
change of greeting the visitors spoke of
having been urged to call thus informal
ly by her husband, whom they had met.
"Ah, yes" responded Mrs. Partington,
"my husband is so sorry not to be able
to see you, but he is totally decomposed
this evening"" The effect of this re-
markable statement on the part of the
hostess was al first rather startling, un-
I'll 1t dawned upon the visitors that she
had meant to convey the impression
that her husband was indisposed, and
had chosen for this a word which she
Imagined sounded more elegant.
AT another time, speaking OF her
travels abroad, Mrs. Partington men
toned with enthusiasm that the "chef
DART" which she remembered with
greatest pleasure was the Dying
Glaliolns.n
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
lfnot paid in advance, $l.25

mo, l have not, )" she replied, "for
cannot make it out. win you please
read It for me?'
The young postmaster read as follows:
II send you three dollars and dozen
kisses"
GIancing at the bashful girl, he said
Now, l have paid yon the money and
Isuppose you want the kisses"
Yes" she said, III he has sent mo
any kisses, 1 want them, too"
1t is hardly necessary to say that the
balance Of the order was promptly paid,
In q scientific manner at that, and
eminently satisfactory to the country
maiden, for she went out OF the Office
smacking her lips as ii there was a taste
upon them she had never encountered
before.
After she arrived home she remarked
to her mother:
"Eh, mother, but this post-ofIicc sys-
tenn Of ours is a great thing, developing
more and more every year, and each
new feature seems to be the best.
Jimmy sent me dozen kisses along
with the money order, and the post
master gave me twenty. 1t beats the
special delivery system all hollow"
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
knowel befoah he war bohn.


'Doan't monkey wild yore nudder on
wash day. Dat am de day wen female
angels lay of their angelicncss fur dc
time being. hab knowed chillen ter
lose a good deal OBJ delr activity by not
mindng dis advice.
'Doan't steal chickens on a moon.
light night. A man kin shoot a gun
jess ez well by de shinin' Oh de moon ez
he kin by de light OBJ de sun. Wait till
de cloudiest night yo' kin git ;den snatch
'om silly.
'Doan't grumble and kick oil de time.
jess recommember DAT a common, ord
nary, ebberyday mule kin kick de i'm
mawtal soul ont OBJ de most unhappy
man dat ebbah war bohn.
And doan't be too burned cheerful,
neider. An ole brack tea-kettlc, and
nufling inter 1t but water, kin sing ez ef
It nebbah knowed a minutes trouble.
'Doan'tYote widout finding ont which
side am bound fur ter carry de lection.
OATS de side dat will pay 30 dc biggest
price.
EFF yo' chillen III Jess take desc hyar
solid brickbats OBJ wisdom, and treashah
dem up In yore hearts eben from de.
rising up oh de sun ter de roosting OBJ
de chickens, yo' won. hab half so much
trouble in dis hyar wuld ez de most Oh
US hab had. But dis hyar aged niggah,
whose pocket hab been putty nigh
emptied by paying de fine oh his wife
fur knocking out Mrs. Parsimony Hig-
gins, am willing ter bet all DAT he's got
left dat not durn onery pickanirny oh
de whul caboodle oh yo' will ebbah pay
de least bit OBJ attention ter de ole mans
toot.'
And then there was another yawning
chasm Of silence, during which nothing
was heard but the breathing of cross
eyed pupil who had the asthma.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

Jacob and .Esau for fear that ny read
ers may not know whom mean will re-
mark that9this little story may be found
in book called the Biblel had little
difficulty, and Esau event West" TO
grow up with the country" In after
years Jacob got lonesome with his two
wives, and also got little "down on his
luck" and he concluded to hunt up
Esau and do the ''square thing by him" +"
So he packed up bis wives and his cattle
and focks; the "hired girl" fixed his
shirts and darnod holes in his socks, and
after-powdering and curling his ambros-
ial locks, las they used to do in those
days the whole lot of them set out to
hunt up Esau. After travelling several
days they learned that they were near
their destination, and they also heard
that Esau was coming to meet them
with whole lot of men backing him
up. This made Jacob get "pale about
the gills,' for although good wrestler,
he wasn't very great on fight. He
was pretty good politician, however,
and he resolved to strike Esau silly with
a pretty good present. So he singled
out some cows, some camels, some
sheep, some goats, and other ANIMALS
that he had in his train, and made them
up in separate droyes, giving the driver
Of each drove instructions to keep the
droves apart. and what to say to Esau.
When the procession was ready to start
it looked something like this;
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
-Dcrgh objects to neonle drown

-Dergh objects to people drowning
dogs in the Croton alueluct. lie i,
right. Very frcquetly the water in the
Croton is not fit for a dog.
A soft job-shaving a young man
for the first time.
That hacking cough can be so qmckly
cured by Shioh's Cure. We guarante,
it. DR. c. Il, Horn, Lehighton, and
Biery, Weissport,
When a man dies in the Society
Islands they paint his body, but in this
country the character is the thing that
is frescoei.
The American joke has been form
ally introduced into Japan.
win you suffer with dyspepsia and
liver complaint? Shiloh's Nililizer is
guaranteed to cure you. Sold by c. 7.
Horn and w. +. Biery.
-''All men are born free ana equal, :"
but the difficulty is that some are born
equal to half dozen others. "
The household cure for sudden pains,
stitch, cramps and soreness, is the Hop
Plaster. 25 cts.
Love is a passion which frequently
comes we know not how, and it quits
US in the same manner.
"A growing eyil--your next door
neighbor's squalling baby.
Sleepless nights, made miserable by
that terrible cough. Shiloh's Cure is
the remedy for you. Sold by Horn,
Lehighton. and Biery, Weissport,
The Salvation Army is grad ually
taking possession of all the jails in the
country.
-"rm well backed with silver" as
the looking glass said.
Ii you have a cold, cough, bronchitis,
or any form Of throat or lung disease,
do not neglect it Ayers Cherry Pee
toral, if promptly taken. will speedily
relieve and cure all ailments OF this
character
If silence is golden what a valuable
misfortune lock jaw mpst be.
"A political expounder Is the chap
who nails campaign Hes.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
OUR SOUTHERN BUDGET
FROM OUR SPECIAL CORRESPONDENT.
SOUTHERN PINES. NC, April l,

Away up in the Pennsylvania noun
tains where the sparkling Lackawanna
prepares to make its final sweep onward
to the broad bosom of The noble Susque-
hanna, lives an antiquarian who is also
local historian. His heart is large
enough for four ordinary men, and he is
in every sense child Of Nature. | am
referring to DR.. II. Hollister, of Provi-
dence, Pa. -Four or five years ago he
became plralyzel from his hips down,
and he was forced to give away his
trout lines and fish basket which, out
side of his family, were his dearest
treasures, ] shall never forget remark
he made one warm AWil day after his
alliction, when assisted him to reach
the sunny porch of his Office in his
wheel chair. He sal
The first cry OF a newborn infant is
said to be the sweetest music rs mother
ever heard; while the sound oi the gurg-
ling and pllshing of mountain stream
is sail to be the essence of melody to a
trout fisherman; doarer to me, il seems.
than either of these is the first SQUAD Of
the peppers in the early spring
The sound has been heard at intervals
for the past three months down here,Md
here the gifted yet afflicted Doctor wodd
find right royal musical treat, The
liJtle chaps have been treated to a frosy
temperature on several occasions; bW
they from now on will have things their
own way.
This reminds me that in thdr natural
home, the low wet places, ma be found
a species of cane orreed that en- be used
for lsh poles. There is a brig also that
grows there. 1t bears a scaIet berry,
grows very long, and is calledBnmble.
Ii is in reality the sweet brlei the root
of which is esteemed so highly for the
manufacture of brier-root pipe.
Human nature is alike the wrld over
The man in the North looks south or
West and sees greeLer fields nd more
golden opportunities than he ses about
his own nelghborhood. Ifhis god judg,
ment be as keen as his perceppn, he is
on the right track. Condition being at
all favorable, those who seue in new
countries, If they only haf enough
stick-to-it about them, materilly better
their conditions. This is not eply
proved by contemporaneous history, b1s
We can go clear back 70 the days when
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
THE SMALL gOY.
He MAKES LIFE a BURDEN TO HIs PA
TIENT AUNT. Z.

HE MAKES LIFE A BURDEN TO HIS PA
TENT AUNT
One day sat in a car seat on the Sa-
ugus branch of the Eastern road behind
pale, careworn lady who was taking a
little boy from Boston to Maiden. As
the little boy was Of very inquiring
mind, and everything seemed to attract
his attention, could not help listening
to some of his questions.
"What is that, auntie?" She little boy
commenced, pointing to a stack of hay
on the marsh.
"Oh, that's hay, DEAR" answered the
carewOrn lady.
"What is hay, auntie?"
why, hay is hay, dear"
but what Is hay made ofP"
"Why, hay is made of dirt and water
and air."
"Who makes it?"
"God makes it, dear"
"Does He make it in the day time or
in the night?"
I'm both, dear"
"And Sundays?"
"Yes, all the time"
"Ain't it wicked to make hay on Sun
day, auntie?"
"Oh, don't know. I'd keep still,
Willie, that's dear. Auntie is tired" I"
After remaining quiet moment little
Willie broke out;
"Where do stars come from, auntie?"
Il don't know; nobody knows"
Did the moon lay emp
"Yes, guess So" replied the wicked
lady.
Can the moon lay eggs, too?"
81 suppose so. Don't bother mer'
Another short silence, when Willie
broke out:
Benny says oxins is an owl, auntle; (;
is they?"
80, perhaps sor'
Think a whale could lay eggs-don't
you, aunlie?"
20, yes-I guess so, " said the shame
less woman.
Did you ever seea whale on hisnest?"
80, guess sol"
"Where?'
Il mean no, Willie, you must be
quiet; I'm getting crazy"
"What makes you crazy, auntieP"
"Oh, dear! you ask so many ques-
tions."
did you ever see little fly eat su-
gar?n
"Yes, dear"
"NYhere?"
"Willie, sit down on the seat and be
still or I'll shake you. Now, not an
other wordr'
And the lady pointed her finger sharp
ly to the little boy, as if he were going
to stick it through him. If she had
been a wicked woman she would have
sworn.
There are eight million little boys like
IPillie in the United States, and half as
many in England.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
THE TWO APRIL MORNINGS.
BY WILLIAM WORDSWORTH.

% hAAsA-ishf NCAiLo " C'fa n
We walked along, while bright and red
UprOse the mnTnirg sun;
Aud Matthew stopped, he looked, and said
"Iha will OF God be done"
village schoolmaster was he,
with hair .. gilttering gray;
As blithc man as you could see
On Il spring holiday.
And on that morning. through the grrSs
And by the stcamiug rills
We troy ciled mcrrily to pass
A day among The hills.
"Cur work" said I, was well begun;
Then from thy breast what thought,
Beneath 80 beautiful sun.
Sosad 4 sigh has brou.ht?"
a second time did Matthew stop;
And, fixing still his eye
Upon the eastern mountan-tOp,
To me he made reply:
Won cloud with that long purple cleft
brngs fresh into my mind
day like this, which have left
Fdll thirty years behind.
And Just above yon slope of corn
Such colors, and no other,
Were in the Sky that April morn,
OF thlsthe very brother.
with rod and line sued the sport
Which that sweet season gave.
Aud, coming to the church, stopped short
Beside my daughters gsaye.
Mine summers had she scarcely seen,
The pride OF all the vil';
And then she sang; She would have been
very nightingale.
SIX feet in earth my Emma lay;
And yet loved her more
For so 1t secmcd-thun till that day
e'cr- had loved before.
And, turning from her grave, met
Beside the churchyard yew
blooming glrl, whose hair was wet
With points Of morning dew.
"A basket on her head she bare:
Hcl brow was smooth and whitc
70 see II child 80 very fair,
twas pure delight!
NO fountain from Its rocky cave
Fer tripPed with foot so free;
She seemed us happy as wave
That dances on the sea.
"There came from me sigh OF pain
Which could i'll conHnc;
looked AT her, and looked again;
Aud did not wish her mluc."
Matthew is in his grave, yet now
Me,hiuks | see hnn stand
As at that moment, with bOugh
OF wildmg In his hand.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
KISSES BY NAIL

a young postmaster of village post
Office was hard at work, whea a gentle
tap was Eeard upon the door and in
stepped a bashful maiden of sixteen,
with a money order which she desired
cashed. She handed it, with bashful
smile, to the official, who, after closely
examining it, gave her the money IL
called for. At the same time be asked
her if she had read what WAS written
on the margin sf-ths order.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
Thousands say So.

Mr.. T. ". Atkins, GirarI, Kan,
writes: Il never hesitate to recommend
your Electric Bitters to my customers,
they give entire satisfaction and are
rapid sellers Electric Bitters are the
purest and best medicine known and
will positively cure kidney and liver
complaints. Purify the blood and regu-
late the bowels. No family can afford
to be without them. They will save
hundreds of dollars in doctors bills
every wear. Sold at soc u bottle by I
y. Thomas.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
"A standIng Inyl.allon-Get up.

A standing inyitation-Get up.
We disapProye Of broom drills. The
average woman can WELD a broom too
well already.
1t has been asked, why is a doctor
like a mole? He isn't, Moles dig their
own holes; the doctor employs a under
taker.
"A Philadelphia man has discovered
that the steady chewing Of garlic will
insure length of life. Not if the neigh
bors know how to use their shotguns.
Subscribe for the Carbon ADvo-
CATE only 81 m wear
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

Frazier's Root Bittors are not dram
shop beverage. But are strictly meIi-
cinll in every sense. They act strongly
upon the lieer ana Kidneys, keep the
bowels open AM regular, cleanse the
blool an system of every impurily.
Sold by druggists, 5l.O0. AT Thomas
irug store.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
= ------"----
Rucklel's ArNica sslve.

The best salve in the world for cuts,
bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rhuem. fever
sores, tetter. chapped hands, chilblands,
cOrns, and all skin eruptions, and posi-
lively cures piles, or no pay required.
1t is guaranteed TO give perfect salisfac-
ton, or money refun lei. Price % cents
per box, at 7. ID. Thomas.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

a little girl was seated at the table
opposite a gentleman with a waxed
mustache. After gazing at him for Sc
veral minutes, she exclaimed: MY kit
ty has got smellers, too"
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
What are supposatoriesl

A. G. Rose, Of New London, Conn,
writes: Send me two bottles of your
Kemp's Pile SupgosAtories by mail.
Our druggist is out. They are for Il
friend. tried everything without help,
but the SuDpC ss. Jries cured me-
The treatmen. is new ANA within
reach of all, and would advise the af-
fected to give them trial. For pamph-
let's on piles address Box 2Oj, lie Roy,
n. Y. For sale in Lehighton by rhom-
as, and in WeissporL by Biery, at 50 cts.
per box.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
The soring Months

Are undoubtedly the best in which 10
purify the blood and strengthen the sys-
TEN, because at this time .he body is
most susceptible to the beneficial effects
of reliable medicine like Hood's Sar-
saparilla. The feeling OF debility, lam
guUr, aud lassitude, caused by the
changing season, is entirely overcome,
and scrofula and all humors are expel-
led from the blood by the powerful re-
vi'ing and purifying influences of Hcoa's
Sarsapariia.
Do not deldy-Take Hoods Sarsapa-
rilla noe. 1t is made by G. 1. Hood 6;
Co., Apothecaries, Lowell. Mass. Sud
by all druggists. 100 doses one dollar
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

Society is just like pie. There is
III upper crust AMI lower crust, but the
real strength lies between them.
a glass of cold water taken every
morning before breakfast will keep the
stomach in order.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

The clergy, You may have noticed,
are much more forcily reminded Of the
uncertainty of life" when a millionaire
dies suddenly than when a poor man
drops dead.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

DR.. Hammond predicts that a thous
and years hence all persons will lie
bald, anl yet some folks think Mormo, :
ism is already gasping for breath.
"A Lehigh,on girl says beau on
The arm is worth two on the hat.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
DACKERTON HOTEL.

idway between Mauch Chunk & Lehighton
LEOPOLD MEYER, PRoPRIkToR,
PackerIOn. Penn'a
This we'll known hotel Is admirably refitted,
and IS the best aeeO Odauous Tor DermRn-
snt aud transient bOarders. Excellent tables
aud the very best liquors. Also Hne stables
attached. Sept. l6-Yl.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

Nurse Ito young husband)-"I am
glad to announce, sir, that you have a
beautiful, bouncing SON." Young hus-
band (very excitelly) -"Er-boy or
g-giil."
We may be sure that our consciences
are rebellious when they are mute in us
(mutinous).
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
HOTELS AND IEIRY
HOUSE,

JONATHAN KIsTLER, PROPRIETOR,
BANK ST., LEHIGHToS, PA.
The GA aBoN HOUSE offers hrst-class accom-.
IN mOdatiOns to the Travelling public. Boarding
by the Day or Week on Reasonable Terms
Choice Cigars, Wines and Liquors always on
hand. Coed Sheds aud Stables. with atteu-
tive Hostlers, attached. April l0-yl,
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
No Pate nt-No Pay.
PATENTS

obtained for Inventors in the United States
Canada and Europe, at reduced rates. With
our principal office located IN Washington,
directly opposite the United States Patent
Ofice, we arc able to attend TO all patent
business with greater proinptness And dc
sratch and at less cost than other patent Mt
torneys who are at distance from Wash
ington. and who have, therefore, to employ
"assOcinte attorneys" We make preliminary
examinations and furnish opiuions as to ia.
tentAbility, free of charge, and all who are
Interested in new inventions and PATENTS are
invited to send for n copy OF our 'tiuide for
obtaining Patents" which is sent Crpe 10
any address. aud contains conf lete 1hsttue.
tiOns how o obtain patents and other vnlua.
ble matter. We refer to the German- AIneN-
lean National Bank Washington, d. q. tho
Royal Swedish. Norwegian and Danish Lcga
tiOus, at Washington; Hon. los. Casey, lste
Ohlef Justice U. s. Court OF Clams 10 the
Officials of the U. s Patent Once, and TO
Senators and Members Of COngrcss from
every state.
Address: LOUIS BAGGERk co, SO
lleltors of Patents and Attorneysni Law Lee,
Drolt building WAsaiEeToN. Do
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

HSpent Tiny Dollara
In doctoring for rheumatism before ! tried
IA0Haas Eelfcfyie OIL Used 4 s1-ccIt bottle Of
this medicine. and got out oaa "a eek. For burns
and ,spIains II is eSee!!eHi.' JsA. Durham, last
Pembroke, N. Y.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

II TOO ARE SUFFERING iruu debility
and loss Of appetite, II yorI s,eHG,.h is
out Of order. or your min3 ooly as,.'.
ialc Ayers Sarsapa;flla. TIN nn,i,,iIr
VIII restore physical force AM c,t.,ti,d.
to tho system, more surely ana. spyetiY
dian any tome ye; discovered.
For six months | sGiIrrcd IRON: liver
anil stomach troubles My food dlll Ilri
nuGuSh Inc, and ] barHmo wnat aud
very much cmaciatcd. took STA Luitl..s
ut Ayers SarSaparilla, and was CARED.
j NJ. Palmer, Springfield, Mass.
Ayers Sars ap ariIIa,
Prepared by Dr. c, Aver Co., Lowell, Nas-,
Sold 1y Druggists. Price 81; six Dogks, IS.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
You Can Renenh ON u.

head | used ZEomas ErLeiric ok Tets &
certainly the beat thing ever knew for the re-
lief Of pain Of any kind. The house Is never witp-
9ut it,' ,Mg; a. NJ. Frank, III IupPeF Sireef,
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
Speaks ISighe TfD,

Have tired Ihonseg' ECkslfFic or for Group
and colds, snd end u tie best fen.ecl : I've
ever ssed N my family" Wa. Kay, 80 tynouta
Ave, Buffalo, n. y.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

drops dead.
The Brookhaven leader. [volume] (Brookhaven, Miss.) 1883-1891, 1886-07-08
CHICKEN CHOLERA.
a Disease Usually Due to the Filthy Com
ditiOn of the Poultry Yard.

a Disease Usually Due to the Filthy Com
dition of the Poultry Yard.
Why does the cholera break out in
thosa yards where the birds seem appar-
entity we'll when the disease is least eX-
pcctpd? The question may be answered
in one word-tilth. suppose a dairy
man should keep his herd of COWS in Il
dirty stable, with foul odors ever pres
cnt, damp floors and the manure re-
moved from the stalls only OCCASION
allV, with water to drink from mud
puddes, into which the soluble sub
stances of the manure had been washed,
would such cows exist long? We think
not. And we may also ask if it would
not be zen worse for them should the
food Of the cows be thrown on the drop
pings of the yard. to be mixed with the
filth and manure. if the consequences
would not be fatal? Yet such is the
way the hens are sometimes treated.
The droppings remain in the poultry
house for indefinite periods, they have
but little fresh water and often
none at all, and the yards in
which they run contain the ac-
cumulatiOns of years. The cholera
can not be avoided under such cond-
tons 1t attacks every bird in the flock,
and holds high carnival over the bodies
of Its victims. What is the remedy? Not
doctoring the birds, for that is useless
under the circumstances, but remove
the cause. Thoroughly clean out the
poultry house and disinfect the roosts,
nests and walls by the free use of car
bolic acid and whitewash, and spade up
the yards, then sprinkling them with
Douglas mixture. which is composed of
pound of copperas, gill of sulphuric
acid and two gallons of water. If the
premises are kept clean there's but little
danger of cholera, but care must be
taken that no portion of the premises
be overlooked upon which any of the
germs may remain. The cholera may
be known bv the sick birds being very
thirsty, and having an anxious, nervous
appearance, the droppings being green
and watery. The remedy most available
is to give a spoonful of a solution of
bcracic acid to each fowl. Field
ana St0cknlaH.