The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-08-05
HUMOR.

The matron's lament-let us sweep.
In the stock market bull luck is hard
to bear.
A MAN of gall is almost invariably a
good liver.
WHEN the trunk line railroads are
playing policy they are playing pool.
SLOW SWEET, how tender is child
hood I" remarked the cannibal as he pre-
pared to feast on baby captured from
a neighborinR tribe. Courier.
A YOUNG physician of New York re-
fused TO 90 duck hunting with party
of friends. He said the ducks were too
personal in their remarks when adj
dressing him.
"GIvE us, oh, give us man who
sings at his work" says Carlyle. OH
yes; give him to us; deliver him into
our hands. He occupies the next Office,
and we can't get at him.
HUMAN NATURE.
Inever bewail m v lot said he,
And the reason don't is, I know in the world
There's somebody worse than L.
Boston Courier.
A PROFESSOR IN the medical depart
ment of the University Of Texas asked
! one of the more advanced students:
what is the name of the teeth that
human being gets Iast?" False teeth,
of course. "-TeTas Sittings.
SJAsMIN. what did you do with the
letter / left on my desk this morning.
Il took it to the postoffice." What
Did you not see that it he'd no ad-
dress? 2" "Yes, sir, but thought you
didn't want me to know for whom it
was intended"
Il DON'T pnt much faith in proverbs,
said Brown to Jones. For instance,
a friend in need is a friend indeed.
! Now, most of my experience with
friends in need has been that they
wanted to borrow moaey. Give me a
friend that is not in need"
"How LONG have you been in tho
turkey-raising business, Mr.. Wattel?"
alive or six years, sir" "And in your
experience what turkeys made the best
layers?" "Boned turkeys, by all odds,
particularly if you require the layers
for picnic sandwiches. YOsokers Ga
zette.
WOULDN'T you like TO have bow?"
said the bold archer, as they sauntered
down the field; and she. murmured
"Yes;" and the absorbed archer said,
what kind of bow would you pre-
fer?" She quivened little as she
replied. archly, Il think should pre-
fer yew;" and then the young man un-
derstood, and although he wac an ar
row-chested youth, he wenh to the
target and heaSed bulls sigh
WAITING
sit and watch the rain drops feS
gaze out ut the dull gray skies
only the rain clouds pail
Or watch the ghostly mists that rise.
do not turn my head to see
The narrow room that holds, mo here;
watch the rain and long TO be
Far from my prison room SO dfear.
Why, laughter waits for me ont there
And hearty clasp of loving hands,
And merry songs and faces fair
Could but break my prison. bands.
But here pine as che in ban,.
Forbidden by the fates to roam,
Until that laggard tailor man
Shall Serd my only trousers. home.
-BtTCtette. an Brooklyn Eagle.
THEY C9ULpNNr SEE HIS, FAULTS.
He most emphatic, willful stiff-necked,
systematic, mental, spiritual erratc, and
amostdegraded creature );
He was given To frivOlity and most unseemly
jdlity, and had no single quality as re-
deeming feature.
He was full Of righteousness, and insolent Of
deformed his reputation
sapless imbecility, n lack of strong virility,
monstrous incivility and moral obfusca-
ton
Yet his steps were nil attended, all his freaks.
and whims defended by retinue of splen-
did, rapt extravagant eNtollers;
For this vicious, mediocre crack ed, irascfble'
old croaker rich and bonded broker,
and was worth u million dollars.
Lynn Union
A DAKOTA hotel advsrtises cyclone.
cellar as one of its attractions. The.
following is its card:
SLIDEUNDER HOUSE,
TORNADO BILL, Proprietor.
Hot and cold air in every room.
Elegant cemetary in connection.
~ This is the only House in the City
provided with Cyclone Cellar for con-
venience of Guests. Flume leading
/ from each room to Cellar. Guests can
/ drop from top floor in quarter second.
! No requirements as to Costume while
making Descent. Stop at the Slide
under, and while Guests of other Ho-
tells will be mounting the Golden Stair
you will be scooting down the Flume
! leading to Absolute Safety. ~ Ask
yourself this Question: Am prepared
to die ?-ESteLiine Bell.