The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-12-22
Pith and Point.


And bitter Boreal breezes blow:
He's awful sick. In bed he lies
And she must shovel off the snow.
THERE are no corner groggeries on the
road to prosperity .-LQe.
SINCE the Franco erman war, 115 statues
have been erected in France.
IT is no trouble to meet bill. But to get
out of the way it is most dfiicult.-PUck
WHATEVER you do, my boy, begin at the
bottom and work up" But, father, sup
pose / were to dig ell?'-Cbicdgo NeUS.'
A DENSE fog in London recently lasted
forty-eight hours, and is reckoned to have
added $4,000 to the receipts of one gas com
pany.
a LIE Roy church advertises pig parties"
They have them here, where pigs go and
eat four dollars worth and pay ten cents
Ddncdle Breeze.
SAID Mr. Lawler: Gentlemen, you should
not get impatient with nature. All things
equalize themselves-the rich man gets his
ice in summer and the poor man gets his in
winter"
THE coming illusion will be the antipodes
OF the Vanishing Lady. Out of a small egg,
which grows gradually larger and larger be-
fore the eyes of the spec ators, will be pro-
duced living girl.
A MAN is not afraid to be seen Juggling
bundles through the streets just now, for
his lady friend cannot tell whether it be
handsome Christmas present or pound of
liver that he is wrestling with Statesman.
THIS is the way it looked after the cleo
ton to a democratic orator of San Fran
cisco. " Gentlemen" he said, d" the renown
of this glorious victory will re-echo in golden
letters through the corridors of the river of
time"
THE editor of the Aurora Qll) Blade de-
scribes his wrath in this way: " Our hair is
standing erect like the bristles on brush,
and the veins on our necks stand out larger
than garter snakes, for we are so mad that
our teeth are getting loose"
" The greeley (Colorado) Tribune" the
title of which is printed fac-simile of
Horace Greeley's handwriting is outdone
by new paper in Kansas. 1t is called
" The greeley County Tribune" and is pub
hshed in the town of Tribune, Greeley
county.
THERE is a sort of mendicants' exchange
in Vienna. For $40 it will furnish list of
rich men who always give something to
beggars; for 50 it will give list of men who
sometimes give; while dollar will purchase
list of men who never give ANYTHING I'M
less they are drunk.
AN Iowa railroad conductor who found a
pocket-book containing $3.50 and hunted up
the owner, who proved to be an aged granger
and his wife, was met with this remark
from the old lady 1t was a good thing
some one seen you pick it up or we never
would have got it again.
RULES must be obeyed. Irish policeman
Calling attention to sign, Leave your cane
or umbrella before entering the art gal
lery y; Here, you! Don't yez see that
soign?" Countryman: But | amt got no
cane or umbrella" Irish policeman: 'FWell,
git wan thin. "-Chicago Rambler
FRENCH VISITOR: az come to see Monsieur
Rollard." Maid: You can't see him, sir,
no of x..ff 4.
you tell?" l com yester, and you say can't
see heem because he not down; now you
say can't see heem because he not oop.
Ven will he be in re middle, mademoiselle?
L no comprend!
A MAN in London has published PAM
phlet entitled " Twenty Doctors" In it he
tells how from 1868 to 1885 he was a cripple
from rheumatic govt Nineteen doctors
whom he successfully tried left him Just
little worse than he was at first. The
twentieth doctor put him on a tricycle. and
told him :" to stick" He "stuck," and is
now well.
THERE is a paper published in Chicago
called The Hoy 1t is said that it fairly
bristles with good things and is plentifully
interlarded with humor-a regular rib
ticker, in fact. In addition to the usual
supply of solid meat there is corner for
tender lines, and each number has a short
tale. 1t must be an offal nice paper. No
body ever sausage one before. 1t has no
motto; good one would be In, hog Sign0
yinceS-Erchdn0e.
THE wrong diagnosis: Papa" she said
softly and blushingly, young Mr. Samp-
son is in the parlor and wishes to speak with
you" Then she sank into an easy-char
and her heart beat so tiercey that it made
the gas fixtures rattle. Presently the old
man returned. " Oh, papa" she said, " did
he-was he-what did he want" " He
wanted to borrow two cents to get over to
Brooklyn with" said the disappointed old
gentleman.-Nelc York san.
THE great Boston conhagration in 1872
made the fortunes of some and DESTROYED
those of others. One family was forced to
economic until the business that maintained
them got on its feet again. They moved
into small house in the suburbs, and the
children of the family were denied many
luxuries to which they had been accus-
toned. a month or two after the fire a
baby was born to the household, and was
duly presented to little Ellen, a six-year-
old daughter of the house. How do you
like him, Elem" she was asked. "Oh, he's
very nice, but" But WHAT" "Oh. he's
so awful little. But then, | suppose he's as
big as we can afford now
\ BosToN small dog whose lines had in
deed fallen in pleasant places just died He
wore delicate napkins at his meals, with his
name embroidered in the center. He was
put to sleep in crib, with costly furs for
his bed and cOverlet of the finest wool
wrapped him about. Over his sleeping
prison was drawn a Counterpart of figured
silk. When he took an airing it was ALWAYS
from the seat of a carriage, and the coach
man has driven him out alone when by
chance no members of the family were ready
TO accompany him. 1t is said, on the au-
thority of the Record that since his death
his former home has been in mourning.
Visiting friends of the family have been
given to understand that the family would
prefer that all calls should be omitted for the
present Any allusion to the dog in the
presence of his mistress occasions flood of
tears and the attending physician has
rigidly prohibited any mention of the name
or fate of the pet a suitable memorial will
soon be erected to his memory.
A FRIEND has lately given us this remin-
iscence of the first old. time anti-slayerv
meeting in n certain town not thousand
miles of. 1t was held in a church, and adj
dressed by a man from Brandon. Among
the hearers was "a well-known man of the
place whose " mother wit" rather than
any " book larnin', >" was his main depend
ence in everyday life, and it must be ac-
knowledged served him pretty well in the
realm OF bread.and-b getting, if this
time 1t was bit at fault. The orator was
telling how, under the accursed system of
American slavery, men and women were
bought and sold like paltry Watches "
faltry' watches Whatever the effect of
tnese words ON the minds of other hearers
they We're like 4" a red rag to a bull " to the
NINA OF the subject of this "Reminiscences.