The Opelousas courier., 1886-04-17
SAM SMALL.
A Journalist who has Aquir-
ed Fame as q Revivalist.
Pungent Stories Of asMan who was a
Humorist frSm His Oradle

call some OF the stories ne uSed 10 tell
when he was a man of the world. He
was a humorist fr1m his cradle, and a
more keen-witted person is seldom met.
No matter in what position he was
placed, his readiness, self possession and
brilliancy of expression always served
him to advantage. He was remarkably
facile in turning a ludicrous situation to
his w account. He was considered
the best story-teller i'll Georgia, a state
that abounds in noted yarn spinners, and
always drew a crowd to hear his latest.
Sam was standing in the Hoffman House
in New York one day, with the usual
coterie about him, when the conversation
turned on the war. 'In 1851" said Sam,
General Gordon made a canvass of
Georgia, and in a series of Characteristic
speeches made frequent use of the eX-
preston that I'VE could whip the Yam
KEGS with popguns.' The war broke out
and he was called into service, not APP
pearing again in public life until 1865.
He then yielded to a strong treaty to
v the state again. One night he
went down to Macon and delivered a
thrilling address, but his tenor was modi-
| fed since the war and much of the bit
terness had vanquished. Just as he
closed his remarks an old fellow in the
audience stood up, and addressing the
| General, said: Look here, sab! Didn't
you make a speech in this yeah county
way back yonder in 1912 4 did, SIR
replied the General. We'll, didR't you
tell us we could whip them ere Yankees
with popguns2' The General straighten-
ed up, buttoned his Prince Albert coat,
and in a most dignifed manner said: 4
did, sir, but they wouldn't fight us that
way"
"When l was in Paris" said Sam n
day, ga Frenchman evidently bent on
ascertaining how much l knew, if any
thing, asked M how many languages
I could speak. told him | had never
acquired but two, English and the truth
the latter very imperfectly."
Sam vas one of a party of Southerners
who were invited to visit New Jersey
stock farm. After inspecting a lot of
fine blooded stock, Sam said: can AL
ALBANIA farmer once got it into his head
hat he walld send some of his hogs to
q northern state fai-. The popularity of
the Southern hog, you know, is its cada-
verousncss, and very long legs. The
country over which it roams at large does
not furnish nourishment enough to pro
duce fat. Well, in due time the South
erner had his hogs instated in the gener-
al exhibit. When the fair had progress
ed acouple of days the judges appeared
and attached a blue ribbon to the pen
next to the Alabama hogs which contain
ed a pair of very fat corn-fed Berkshires.
Look here said the Alabama fellow,
accosting the judges, you haven't exam
ined my hogs We'll, now,' said the
chap with the blue ribbons, you
wouldn't expect us to give youa prize in
the same group with such fine hogs as
those, would you? But said the
southerner, you want to ask INT what /
entered my hogs for. Ientered 'em for
speed by gosh, and he would have taken
the prize every time for that, you bet"
One evening Sam was seated at a table
with a party of friends in the, restaurant
of the st. James Hotel, New York,
which is noted for its excessively high
prices. An elaborate repast had been Or
dered that required some time to prepare.
Finally some one remarked that it took a
long time to serve the dinner. "Why,
yes,n said Sam, 'tdidn't you know that!
It's one of the rules of the house. They
give you an hour to raise the money
TO pay for IT,"
One of the best of Sans wal stories is
this: "When things were hot around
Atlanta Captain Evan Howell received an
order to r~econnoiter across the Chatta-
hooche River and ascertain if the Federal
troops had retired. The night was black
as ink. He read the order to his men,
but was surprised to find them all dis
qualified for the risky job. One couldn't
swim, another had rhuematism, still an.
other always took cramps in the water and
so it went down the whole line. But
the order had to be obcyed. So Howell
plunged into the river and made for the
other side. He was a remarkably goo6
swimmer and felt sure he was making NJ
noise, yet he became so frightened tina
each stroke seemed to him to arouse TIT
whole Federal camp. Now and then
lightning bug appeared and, conf
dent 1t was the flash of a Yankee musket
he ducked under water. By-and-b by h
got so near the shore that he could wade
and he was creeping along as cautiously a
possible, his teeth chattering with fear
!, when of a sudden he struck against al
old tree that had fallen into the river
Just then a huge bull-frog gave a sonor
; Gus blurt and jumped into the river
! Unable to retain his self-possession longe
Howell threw up both hands and yellet