Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-07-11


and he is not, rs a general thing, good for
anything else.
In the first place, l don't seem To have
the necessary voice | have tried il once
and did not succeed. The majority of the
crowd went home mad because they
couldn't hear and the balance went home
mad
BECAUSE THEY COULD.
So haven't got the voice. | can stand
over on Roundup No2 and talk to the fore
man on No. I, easy CROUCH, but can't
talk against Sabbath school loaded with
fire crackers.
Moreover, gentlemen, | am not ready
thinker under these circumstance. | am
m2n of fair business Judgment or else |
couldn't have accommodated >, 500 head of
No. fOur-ycar-Olds worth S35 apiece in
Omaha with nothing to begin on five year,
ago but condemned government mule
and hopeful disposition. You will admit
that as a financer am no slouch. when
tell you that in all that five years the asses
sor has never got near enough to hold a
conversation with me or To sock valuation
on my herd.
But il takes different kind of genius TO
snatch great big pieces out Of the atmo-
spere and pound pine table and zip and
yell for the starry banner free. So | will
just politely ask you to he so kind as to
excuse me.
Years ago tried il when | was young
and didn't know any better Now have
acquired sense and ] refrain.
The trouble with me Is that when | get
up on my feet TO talk to a large and per-
spring throng of people my ideas are like
a bunch Of cattle in the stock yard, for in
stance. The whole blamed crowd wants
TO skin through the shute and he loaded
into the same car ut the same minute, or
else they won't condemned one of 'em
agree TO be loaded That's the hest way
can express it. I've either got ideas
enough to load car, all at once, faster
than ! can get rid of 'em, or else ] can't
think of blamed thing. Still, continuing
to carry out the comparison, gentlemen, |
want 10 say to you that have also had a
big fat, fve-year-Old Maverick idee got
wedged into my head when tried 10 make
a speech, and 1t would neither 90 ahead
into speech nor back out for five minutes
You can fancy man OF my position in
society standing up before a mob Of his
fellOw-men and twisting the tail Of a re-
luctant idee till he is red in the face!
MONEY DON'T PAY A MAN
for such a mental strain as that Five
dollars and large drink do not recon-
pcnse him. therefore say 10 you, gentle
men, take your money take your rum, and
ayaunt! say il politely and courteously,
but say to You in low, passionate tones
| wish you would avauDt and remain that
way rs long rs possible.
love my country, gentlemen, and /
love the dear old flag. You don't hear Inc
bng about il, though it's 10 be ashamed
OF, but have fought for that flag when, If
! had listened tO the voice Of conscience,
would have gone 10 Canada.
have marched along the endless dusty
roads Of the South with large seal brown
musket on my shoulder, for days and days,
without seeing anything 10 shoot. ] have
slept in the bottom of a trench night after
night, expecting every time that | would
take my breakfast next morning in the
New Jerusalem. All this have done be-
cause thought il was right, and think
so yet am in favor Of freedom, gentle
men, though / think that good many
don't know what TO do with IL when they
get ii, but ! am not good Off-hand ex-
temporaneous speaker on the Fourth Ct
July.
am with you in the spirit on that day,
will bow ray head when you open the ex-
D. I
in low, gutteral tone when the glee club
sings America" ! will pause in my
labors while the Declaration Of Indepen-
dencc is being Kissed out through the elem
ched teeth Of young, scared TO death
elocutiOnist, who seems TO he afraid Of the
ears. will suffer with you in spirit,
through the long, hot grafton, filled with
patriotism and perspiration, but ] cannot
he there. ! will think Of you, and will
indorse anything YOU may say regarding
Freedom from her mountain heights, OF
Starry Banner Free, or any Of those things,
but 10 stand up before my fellow citizens
and fan the air with the tail Of Of an alpaca
buster and yell my larnyx loose over a
large, irregular mas Of freedom, Of which
we have more than we need and don't know
where to put it or how 10 use it, Is out of
my line.
III might make bold to offer a sugges-
ton. ! would ask that the Dear Old Flag
which protects everybody, no matter how
much ola failure he may be as a citizen,
the Dear Old Flag which waves over the
Gentle mODogamist and the wide-necked
Mormon alike; the Dear Old Flag which
floats over large, snorting. painting army
Of political patriots, On both sides, with no
visible means ofsuppOrt, patriots who have
CONTRIBUTED TIE COPPER Innings
Of their digesters that the nation might
live; the Dear Old Flag, the over-worfed
Dear Old Flag, the fatigued and perspiring
Dear Old Flag that has 70 long been jerked
athwart the starry vault Of heaven, be per-
mftted TO rest this year, while some good,
sensible old man tells the boys how 10
grow mp into good American citizens.
know il will not strike all Of the CON-
mittee favorably, but it's solemn fact
that we need better citizens a good deal
worse than we do more citizens.
However, viii take this auspicious mo-
meut for closing, hoping that you will
have good time and that the great cause
Offreedom will get such start that every
poor family in the Territory win have
enough for mess.
beg leave 20 subscribe myself yours In
the interest Of the great, ungiffed majority,
who do the work but eannot fiuently jerk
The Roman-nosed bird Of ffeSdom.
JAMES W BRALKy
tn BiIi Nve chairman crr.sed ~. cr.i