Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-02-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
TO BE CONTINUED.

When a girl is being courted she
sets great deal by q young man.
A young lady should not allow her
head to be turned by fattery; but if 8
new bonnet passes her on the street
she may turn just little.
A society lady who was describing
a grand ball to friend few nights
ago was asked how she was dressed
Low and behold" was the re-
Spouse.
A statistician has calculated that a
man spends 50 q year more for
clothes than woman. That is easily
explained. It is because the man is
too mean to give the woman more to
spend.
20! give me affection, I'll sigh for
naught more" sings a poetess, ad-
dressing her love. That girl doesn't
seem to know that this is the time of
the year when the festive buckwheat
cake is on deck.
| Husband-I hear that Mrs. Puffball,
the we'll known novelist, is going to
get married. Wife-Yes, she debated
a long time whether she should de-
vote herself 10 literature or husband,
and of the two evils she has been sill
~ enough to choose the greater.
| Said q young man the other even
ing: us it etiquette in writing to a
young married woman whom you
have known well to call her my dar-
ling little pet2'" my dear sir, is not
a matter OF etiquet, but of athletics.
1t depends how far you can distance
her husband"
It could not be sweet under any cir
cumstances and would spoil the pref
test mouth Or sweetest voice In the
world. Surely Itch Iiebe dich,"
though it could scarcely be so misun-
derstood as when the Frenchman said
devotedly to an American girl,
''Je t'adore," and she replied: ''Shut
it yourself"
Mother think, Clara, that young
Mr.. Sampson is fond OF you. Clara
(hopefully)-Why, mamma? Mother
Because be was such a long time
buttoning your glove last night.
Clara (hopelessly)-Ah, yes, mamma,
but they are six button gloves, and
when he had buttoned the fifth, he
asked me if that wouldn't be enough.
Charley Ito Clara, who has already
eaten two dishes of ice-cr cam Will
you have another dish, dear? Clara
Thanks, Charley, no more. Char
ley-Just one more, for my sake?
Clara-Well, for your sake I will take
just one more To explain the appar-
ent impoSsibility of Charley's conduct
it is necessary TO add that the CONVEX
satlon did not take place at restaur
ant. but at an evening party.
Mrs. --latest Craze Ito morning visi-
tori You ought to join our cooking
class, Mrs. Old Housekeeper. It is so
interesting and SO very instructive.
Servant (appearing)-Excuse me,
mum, but it's the cooks day out, an
me an the laundress don't know
whether the chops for lunch is to be
Drilled or fried Mrs. Latest Craze
with an air of tolerant patience)-I
Neither, Susan, of course. They are
to be Dreaded.
Aunt Johanna spending few days
with her niece)-And so you belong
to cooking club, Matilda. Do you
find that you gain any practical
knowledge from your lessons? Ma
tilda-O, yes, indeed, aunt. You
spoke last night at dinner of that
coquille of chicken, you know. Aunt
Johanna-Yes; it was delicious. Ma
tilda (triumphantly)-Weu that was
our last lesson. Our teacher made it
for us, and was so delighted with it
that before I ever came home I drove
around to the caterers and ordered it
at once.
About L 600 electric liphLs are