The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-09-16

we do not hesitate to express the humble
opinion that as a matter of business
| policy, admitting and appreciating the
benefits of the State Institute, it can be
dispensed with and all its benefits at.
tained through the County Institutes.
The reasons for this position are clear,
and, we think, the conclusion inevitable.
Senator Hamptont's Joke Initiated.
"such carvings on as you had in your
church Sunday night" said the grocery
man as the bad boy sauntered into his
store the other morning. "The minister
was in here, and says he don't know what
to think of your family (; he says your pa
was taken with hydrophobis in church,
and frothed at the mouth and barked
like dog, and the deacons had to take
him out and sit down on him. What
does it mean ?"
"You'd died if you'd been in cur
pew Sunday night" replied the boy.
"You see, I was reading in paper about
how the Senators in Washington amuse
themselves, and there was a story about
Senator Wade Hampton's joke on Sena-
tor Garland. Hampton eats caramels,
and Garland always comes along and
takes caramels off Hampton's desk; and
SO Hampton took piece Of brown soap
and whitfield it just the size of caramel,
and wrapped it in glazed paper and
laid it on his desk, and Garland eat it.
It tickled me, and 1 thought of pa in q
minute. When we go to church pa gets
nervous, cause he can't smoke, and he
always wants to be chewing som .thing /;
and as always have some candy or
something, pa feels in my pocket on the
sly, when he is watching the minister,
gets gum drop or something and chews
it all through meeting. I don't think it's
right for an old man to chew in meeting.
So / took a piece Of soap and fixed it just
as Senator Hampton did, and put it in
the pocket next to pa. In the other
pocket I had some sure enough caramels,
cause I didn't want to get the soap myself
l was chewing right along, and pa stood
it until the minister gave out the sociable
notices and prayed, and when we stood
up to sing pa be nudged me for candy.
I kind of winked my left eye and glanced
down towards my pocket, and pa he put
his hand in there quicken wink, and
he got the brown soap caramel and had
it in his mouth in no time, then the choir
got to the home stretch,' as pa says, and
we sat down."
III should a thought he'd noticed it
right off and put it in his pocket hand.
kerchief," said the groceryman.
~ guest pa bit right through the soap
the first round" the boy replied; "and it
stuck to his teeth, for he snorted and
said yahl' and l guess that was what
sounded as though be barked like dog.
Everybody looked at pa, so he couldn't
spit ont the soap, and he held on to it.
An old maid that sits in front of us turn
ed right around and looked at pa as
though he was dime museum curiosity,
and she never took her eyes off him. I
think woman ought to keep her eyes
off man long enough to let him spit
chunk of soap out,
"Perhaps she didn't know what he was
after," suggested the grocerymau.
"Well, you ought to have seen me look
at the minister when he gave out the
text. Our folks always complain cause
don't remember the text, so I WAS bound
to commit to memory this time if bust
ed. I dassent look at pa, for fear would
snort right out; but peeped out of the
corner of my eye, and he turned red and
white and blue, and tried to keep from
swallowing the soap suds. l thought I
should squeel right there on the floor.
Pretty soon the soap suds and foam
began to show on pas lip and mustache,
and he did look awful, I tell you.
Everybody was looking at him, and the
minister stopped and looked over his
spectacles; and just then pa couldn't
stand it no longer, and he got up and
said yah again, and walked over some
of my feet and got out in the aisle, and
be walked towards the vestibule real fast,
like man in Murray to get somewhere,
and the soap was making lather enough
to shave with, and his upper lip was
covered, 'and9everybody looked at him."
"Won't you catch it, when your pa
finds out you put the soap in caramel
paper p' put in the grocer.
"The deacons followed him out" the
boy continued, "and the ushers got there
just as he began to trow lather on the
carpet, and he coughed and sputtered,
and they thought he was mad for sure,
and they grabbed hold of his arms, and
as he struggled to get his hand in his
coat tail pocket for his handkerchief,
they said, Don't let him bite you-don't
let him get hold of his revolver! And
they scufied till pa could get the taste
out of his mouth so he could speak, and
then he said it was all right-he had
eaten caramel and didn't know it was
loaded. Then all was quiet again, and
the minister went on with his sermon,
and pa went to the hydrant and turned
the hose on his mouth, and after awhile
he came in and sat on back seat, and
after church I didn't see him. l haint
seen him yet cause asked him before
church if | couldn't go and stay all night
with my chum, and he said I could. If
YOU was in my place, how would you