St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-12-20
THE TRAMpy LYoBUM.

cents worth ov gas, and 1 don't purpose ter
stand it. We air free Ermerican citizens and
entitled ter jest as much gas as them folks
what live up Cd Their bill an wear slick
clothes, an We need jest as much ov it 10 our
business as they do
| just then the gus fiared up, and, assuming
! look of Importance, Blatz said: "Yer see.
boyees we do hev considerable influence.
There must hev been sum member ov ther
gas company standin' at Their telephone an
overheard whit l jest said. Thars nuthin'
like bein' independent eff thar is holes in
yer clothes, boyees.'
There was a good attendance that night,
and President Blatz was in cheerful mood,
for somebody had decorated him with q some
what logged Prince Albert coat and vest,
and across the breast OF the latter he had
stretched chain made of old key rings, in
terlinked from which dangled q round tin
charm, on which was printed, 'Canued Sue
cotash." Biatz had found the charm on the
top OF fruit can, and had used it to render
his appearance more striking He might
have had watch hung at the end of the
chain, but it was noticeable that he never
pulled it out to ascertain what the hour was
"Boyees," said he, after the lyceum had set
tied down and the windows had been opened
to let out the tobacco smoke and the scent of
old leather and widowed clothes, "boyees,
tonight we're ter hear from Clothesne Will
liams, prominent member ov our lyceum,
whose fust name gives an iuklin' Of his
speciality. Clothesline, you will please take
the floor
From dark corner Of the room Clothesline
came out and, walking up to the presiden-
rtII hu ~ on lat1 No 70
the audience. This treatment looked very
much like disrespect to Blatz, and picking up
his ak handle he swiped Clothesline in the
small of the back and whispered: "Stand out
ov my light yer chippy face er I'll knock er
hole in yer gall
Cothesine quickly stepped aside and pre-
pared to speak. He locked splendidly, having
improved much in appearance since last win
ter He was very heshy and wore clothes
that set off his rotund figure to good advan-
tage. When he opened his mouth to speak,
however, it was noticed that his upper teeth
We're absent.
''Speakn' erbout times, fellers." he said.
u had ther softest layout last summer yer
ever heard tell on. I've had some purity tall
seasons in my life, but 1 never struck any
thin that could bergin ter touch my
L
down ter Texas when 1 left here in
ther spring, an down. near Galveston one
night L run ercross er clothesline that
wus full ov outside male txins. I reckon
there he'd been er funeral thar, fur thar wus
Grape on ther doorknob an it struck me that
tney ned put ther clothes ov Their corpse out
Ter sort oV air, an bein dead, l knew he
wouldn't hev emmy further use fur them, an
L dressed myself up in 'em. They war just
Their fit an when L sized myself up in Their
lookin' glass ov er serloon tibet night / cum
purity near havin' ter git sumbody ter inter-
duce me ter myself. wus Their slickest
lookin' chap in Their purfession an I con-
Guided ter travel just as hard on my shape as
l could. put up at leadln' hotels an passed
myself off fur er Western capitalist in differ
ent towns in Their state fur erbout two months
when one day | struck err small point called
Beanvile. 1t he'd erbout 900 inhaburtants
an was er purity fourishin' place. wus
akin up town one afternoon when passed
err Teller tibet it struck me looked er good
deal like myself. I inquired who he
wus an found out tibet he wus Their mayor oy
Their town. 1 walked erlong er little further
when er man passed. an, touchin' his hat,
said: How'd do, mayor Thet settled it.
| knew tibet 1 looked like ther mayer an
WIS struck with er red-hot desire ter play
mayor myself fur erwhile. found out where
his office wus an called on him one day an
told him wus from New York Iookin' fur
some place ter locate err tannery an thought
very favorable ov Beanville. He treated me
like er king an I invited him down ter nv
room at Their hotel one day ter talk over mat
tiers an drink er bottle ov champagne He
cum down. When 1 got him in my room
locked Their door an knocked him down with
er chair Then tied his hands an feet an
gagged him an put him in a small o. m tibet
opened off my bedroom an which | used as
er private department ter transact business
in. Yer see them felers at Their hotel thought
I wus er millionaire. Fur er week /
had Their darndest picnic yer ever
heerd tell ov. 1 rode Ground in
carriages. Issued permits ter show ter cir
cuses an pockited Their money. 1 hired err
private secretary and moved my Off @, inter
Their finest buildin' in Their town an had it
furnished at er cost ov about 81, 500 an stood
OH Their furniture dealer. had more drinks
poured inter me than 1 ever he'd before in all
my life. All this time kept the real mayor
bound an gagged in my room I'd go to Their
hotel as usual an hev my victuals sent up to
my room. I'd remove Their gag from Their
mayors mouth an stand over him with er
chair ready ter kill him if he yelled, while he
eat. I'd let him walk Ground er little ter sort
ov timber up, then I'd bind an gag him argin
an go out an cat an be Their mayor ergin
1t he'd run two or three days over er week an
| had pocketed erbout $500 in one way an
ernother, when one mornin' err little pale
faced woman with er kid in her arms
came inter Their Office an comm UP ter me
threw her arm Ground my neck an begun ter
cry all Their time calm me dear husband an
askin' why he'd deserted her. This sort oy
staggered me, but knew it wouldn't do ter
make er bad break then an told her tibet
I'd got tired ov her an didn't propose ter live
with her agiu. This purity near broke Their
little woman's heart an she took on so
tibet was afraid my private secretary would
mistrust sumpthin an hustled her into my
private Office, where 1 kissed her a few times
an played with Their little kid and finally told
her ter go home an I'd come back that night
or tler next day an live with her. This
seemed ter satisfy her, an after kissin me
she left. knew I'd got ter git out tibet night
Or I'd be caught an, 1 took Their train in tber
evening fur Mexico with purity near $4,000 in
my inside pocket. A couple ov DAYS after I
red in Their papers how ther doors ov my
rooms he'd been bursted in an Their whole
thing found out. l went to Their Pacific coast
an up ter Washington territory an erbout
Their country ter here, an spent ter last ov
Their mayors money in Jitntown, Dakoty, fur
er glass ov beer. 1t wus Their greatest
streak ov luck L ever he'd, an I'll never forgit
ter time wus MAYOR ov Beanville."
Clothesline took his seat amidst wild ap-
plause. and when he was comfortably fixed
on the floor, everybody offered him chew of
tobacco, and he took a bite from each plug to
be accommodating.
Dat La