davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-10-20

Brother Gardner Says There Is mo-
Need of Great Philosophers.
A note has been left on my desk akin me
why de present aige has not produced a.
Cicero, Diogenes or Milton. answer to
de offeck dat each aigo has produced Of
itself an fur itself
Diogenes was looked upon as q wise man
in his day an aige. Put him an his Tub
on airth to-day, an IL wouldn't be twenty
four hours befo' he'd DO jerked to dc jug
FUR crank, an de law would fo'ce him TO
nut his ha'r, dig out his finger nails an put
on n clean shirt.
Cicero was applauded by thousands fur
his mastery oratory. AT dat aige do gift
Of CAB war a rare thing In dis nige you
kin attend five-dollar law suit befo' any
Justice OF do Peace an find match fui
Cicero in three-dolIar lawyer. II he
could drap down among us he'd find il
hard work to get resoiuslnn fur new
sidewalk frew de City Council.
Shakespeare was big bug fur dc aigc in
which he lived. He was probably de only
person on airth who could have writ his
writings, an he deserved all praise. II he
was among us to-day he'd find cherry news
paper givin' him do guy an all de boys
yellin' out "chestnuts" as his works mp
peared in Seaside form. Dis aige demands
different style. We want sunthin' bout
angels comm down ON takin' leetle clilou
straight up to heaben, or Teller gwine out
to Texas an KILN half dozen Injuns
day for vacashun. We wants plain Eng
fish, widout any had words in it. We
doan know muffin bout me lord, me duke,
me lady an SIGH, an we doan want TO.
Dis aige has produced 5000 pussons who,
while dey can't write like Shakespeare
lid, kin waltz oil aroun' him in keepin' de
readers hair on end frum de fust paige to
de last.
Nero was big gun for his aige, but jest
you imagine SIGH a chap cayortin' aroun'
dis kentry at dis day an date De VERY
fust time he sounded his bazoo in de Ninth
ward peeler would give him de collar an
walk him down, an de next mawnin' you'd
see it in de papers dat ole Nero was sent ur
fur sixty days fur disturbin' de peace.
We has no poet to elal Milton, but II we
had dc newspapers wouldn't gin him fair
show. Dey'd refer to his productions as
spring poetry, an he'd likely be dubbed de
Ba'n-gate Balladist Of Indiana. Dis aige
DOM cry.for poetry half as much as fur
pork, an chap like Milton would hev to
urn handorgan to make Twin.
De aige doan' demand no great man in
any line. When it does he will bob to de
surface an his name will appear in de
| papers We am all mo- or less orators. We
| am all wise nun in our way. We am all
| philosophers 'nuff to SEQ why water won't
run up hill an statesmen 'nuff to know dat
what ais dis kentry am its over. production
OF bootjacks.
My advice TO you nm to keep on being
common folks. n you want to git above
de common herd, pay cash for your gro
ceries; let odder follsses' woodpiles alone
keep whiskey an SIGH at arms length put
in six days week at hard work read mo
,lxulo books mn fewer novels. You may
aot become Napoleon nor Plato. but
| you'll be remembered In your own naybor.
hood when de names of State Guv'nors hey
bin forgotten Detroit Free Press
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-10-20
.rnrn eovEnNMnNr PnaNr1Ne.
A Grand HnstEtufion Employing BE
500 Men and women.


Benedict, the new Public Printer, will be
almost like Alexander selkirk monarch of
all he surveys-in his new domain. The
public printing office is nominally under
charge of the Secretary of the Interior, but
in very much the same relation rs the De-
partment Of Agriculture is to the Interior
Department, with powers and prerogatiyes
peculiarly its own, under claims Of legisla-
ton preserved from time immemorial in the
various appropriation bills by congressman
who have had their own happy wishes to
carry out in the way of patronage at the
hands Of the Public Printer. Mr.. Benedict
will have $500 men and women under him
q brigade of regulars we'll drilled and dis
ciplined, and drawing salaries enough to
officer the armies of all Europe The build
ing in which these people arc employed is
500 feet long and 300 feet wide and four
or five stories high, built expressly for
colossal printing Office. Something like
quarter of million dollars has been spent
on this building in the mere cost Of con-
struction. The presses, type, paper-cutters.
engines machinery and all the thousand
and one accessories Of good printing Office
are valued at o million and O quarter dol
lars. There is not building in the country
that contains so many electric lights, and
many Of them are kept burning day and
night. A little army Of policemen are re-
quired to patrol the floors day and night
winding up their little watchman's clocks
every fifteen minutes at each end of their
beat, this showing to their super
intendent whether they have perform
ed their duty faithfully or not. Thepublic
printer gets $d, 500 year and has private
secretary who gets 81 800 and is allowed
carriage and team. His chief clerk gets
81, 500 year. He has staff Of subordi-
Mates, deputies, paymasters and timekeep-
crs, who get salaries ranging all the way
from 81 200 to $500. The $4,000 em-
ployees go TO work at 8 o'clock in the morn
ing, have an hour lunch and are let out at
o'clock in the afternoon. Thus they work
two hours more than the ordinary Govern.
ment clerk. Theve is q large night force
Also who go on at Z and ore let off at 8 4. M,
unless during the session Of Congress there
10 III oASeas VI sl'ccsAics w eiio pAtt VI
Senators and Representatives, when the
hours are heightened at special rates. The
bindery connected with the office is one Of the
largest in the country. It employs 400 men.
There are over two hundred colored people
employed in the building. Among the COM
positors are half dozen negroes, who
make good worhmen. There are about q
dozen women who set type, and they do II
WE'LL Last winter one of them earned Of
piece wages $150 in a single month. Ths
average eompositor makes about 800
month. None of the officers and Employed
in this whole building come under the
Civil Service rules. They arc regarded a.
skilled operatives and are so exempted. =
Washington Cd c. Letter.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-10-20

In the Quaker society divorce il almost
unknown. No society throws about the
marriage contract more solemnity and moro
Of public recognition. The ceremony be-
gins full month before 1t is completed by
marriage. The young people have to an
nouncein public their intention of mar
riage. One month later they appear to-
gether in public meeting of the society and
arise and say, We still continue our in
tentions of marriage" In the meantime
wise advisers Of the contracting parties have
fulfilled their duties, and when the final
ceremony, which usually takes place some
days afterward in public, occurs, the mar
rage is entered into in the proper spirit.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-10-20
:. our Firss GRAY .rn,r..

"Our First GRAY HAIR,
AS the first big pattering drops that fall
With splash on the lattice pane,
Make us shiyer and start as they warn US all
or storm, or OF coming rain,
so 1t is With life when we are growing old,
And age steals unaware
We shiver and start II the truth were sold,
At the sight OF our frat gray hair.
We mark not the light OF our monday hours,
Like the first streaks the dawn doth bring;
We hall not the birth OF our summer flowers
Aswc do the frst snowdrops Of spring:
On the bleak winter wind we look not with
grief,
Though IL howl through the branches bare,
Rut we sigh when we witness the brown autumn
leaf,
And behold natures frst gray hair.
Gray hairs may come when the beamipg eye
Has none OF Its brightness lost
When with buoyant heart we would fain deny
Youths Rubicon has been crossed;
Yet the ivy-clad tree looks young and green,
Though sapless trunk may be there,
And naught OF decay on our cheeks may be seen
When we witness our FIRST gray hair
Come early, come late, like knock at the gate,
Is that first soft sllvery thread;
And 1t Joins with its silence the years that swat
With the years forever fed
1t silently tells us we're journeying on
1t silently questions -Wheref
OIL faithful milestone, were the truth but
known,
Is seen In our first gray hair.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-10-20

A telegraph operator in Milwaukee waa
one day trying to call up an Office IN .
small town in the interior Of the State,
where the instrument was presided over hy
a woman. He was about giving up IN dis-
pair when the operator IN another small
town o few miles distant from the first tick>
ed out the query: {" What in heavens
name do You want Z" want Miss Blown
at BurgvilIe, = replied tho Milwaukee man,
III have been trying 70 get her the last half
hour g That Is nothing came the reply;
There is young fellow clerking in .
dryeooda store there who has boon trying
to Get her for ths last three yeaxss ana b.
has not aucceadsa yet
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-10-20
POETRY.
The ola Hmm.

To-day, with quiet heart, heard
The prayer, the anthem, and the psalm,
And gently on my spirits fell
The sweetness OF the Sunday calm,
TIL at The reading OF the hymn,
With sudden tears my eyes were dim
That old, old hymn It's sacred lines
Had fallen on my childish ears;
NY lie turned back, unhindeFed by
The stretch OF intervening years
Near me my little daughter smiled.
And yet was again child.
outside the winds were ferce and rough.
The winters chill was In the air;
But could hear the bonny birds,
And humming Insects everywhere:
And feel, in spite OF frost and snow,
A summer breeze from long ago.
To ind the place took the book,
And held it in a woman's hand,
While all my soul was moved with thrIlla
No other soul could understand
And quite unseen, with love divine,
My mothers iingers folded mine
And not because the music rose
Exultingly, held my breath,
Lest should lose It's sweet delight
Upon her lips the hush OF death
For years has lain land ret heard
My mothers voice in every word
Full we'll know the dead are dead,
Yet sometimes at a LOOK or tone,
With short relenting, viii the past
One moment give us back our own.
oAappy pain! Too quickly done
AsssRiftly ended as begun.
AIRS George ATehl1dld
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-10-20
Anoshcr Of Thosc DaIsofa e.IrIs.

Miss Stanley, pIucky Dakota girl, spent
the summer entirely alone, without even q
cat for company, on her claim four miles
from Waterbury. She had ten acres of
grain, fine garden and water& elon
patch.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-10-20

What every married man in this country
wants is trained, fierce looking little
mouse that will appear whenever called.
It viii settle family quarrel In less time
than II takes to provoke ope. Jx>.-
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-10-20

Lost, on Saturday last. leather
pocket book, containing $2s or $24. The
finder will be- suitably rewarded by leav-
ing tho same at this Office. y
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-10-20

House for Rent. Apply to s. =. Mar.
'tindell, Union ST. Bakery ml2tf.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-10-20
An Hour Of Terror and I,s Cause.

An Hour OF Terror and It's Cause
When he had been there one week tho
boarding house keeper said that he was one
OF the incest, quietest young men she had
ever had in her house. The other night,
however, her enthusiasm received q set
back. One of the boarders came down
stairs and reported that he had heard
groans and sights and curses from the quiet
boarder's room. Three or four people tip
toed up. and after bit they plainly caught
bis words
Couch! Hang it'll Condemn it to Hall
fax, but it's killing me by inches"
Then it was realized that the quiet man
had some great sorrow on his mind, and II
was suspected that he was contemplating
suicide.
Hey, Smith Mr.. Smith you, Smith"
she called MS she raped on the door, 'sbut
what ON earth Is the matter r.
Nothing' came the solemn answer,
but as she put her ear to the key-hole she
beard soft groans and whispered Voice
saying
It's got TO be done at any costw
"Mr. Smith, she continued, " don't
you dare commit suicide in my house! II
you do I'll have You sent to jail for year !!
II wasn't six months ago that woman
tried TO poison herself to death in that
very room, and haven't got over the fright
yet"
There was an interval Of silence while she
put her ear to the key-hole agnin and pretty
soon she heard the boarder gallop up and
down and hiss between his clenched teeth /:
"Great Scott but was mortal man eyei
called upon to suffer as do?''
"Sayl" she whispered as she turned TO
the boarder, this door has got to be
broken down without delay. Tho migrate
full man has taken rough on rats and is
determined to die on q bed which cost me
over $40 last fall, saying nothing of a
secondhand carpet which traded Sow
ing machine for Mr.. Green, kick open the
doorl" "a
"If Green is there I'll let him in,' an
nounced Smith, and he opened q crevice
| Just large enough to squeeze in.
Then came q whispered consultation,
followed by shouts Of pain and terror, and
Green came to the door with an object In
bis hand and calmly said
Ladies' and gentlemen, 1t was simply a
sase Of pulling OF porous plaster which
| be had worn for six weeks. Please forgive
him, for he'll never do SO again.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-10-20

Our Full Cream Soda Biscuits ara
the best. g, ). Fisher
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1886-10-21
ALL QUIET
In the Chicago stock Yards-SeIf Defense
Claimed by PinkertOn Men.

CHICAGO Oct. 90.
Everything is quiet at the stock yards this
morning. few of the packing houses are
open, running in a small way, but there has
been no general resumption of work The
yards are filled with workmen but there has
been no recurrence of the disturbances of
yesterday.
few more men were taken to work in va
rous packing houses this morning and the
rain kept the unemployed hanging around in
side all day yesterday. There was no excite
ment during the early hours of the morning.
The beef butchers will accept the inevitable,
and will, it is thought, return to work on 8
ten hour basis Hogs are beginning to ar
rive and are in active demand. Armour e.
Co. will commence to kill right away and by
the last of the week will need full force Of
men. Fowler Bros. and the Anglo-A merican
Co. house will be a day or two later, but it is
safe to say that by the first of next week the
great majority of men will once more be at
work.
1t has been decided to hold an inquest on
Baglev. who was shot by Pinkerton's men,
yesterday, at 10 o'clock tomorrow. 1t is
stated that the original report to newspapers
appear to have been rather one sided. The
cars in which the Pinkerton men were being
brought to the city are all battered up and
many windows broken, showing evidence OF
assault made by large body of men. The
Pinkerton men all assert that this assault was
made before a shot was fired and that they
thought their lives were in danger.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1886-10-21
UTAH TERRITORY.
nov. vets >n"uti IltpOrt An improve
ment in the schools.
WAsHINGroN. Oct. 20

WAsHINGToN, Oct. 20.
Hon. Caleb w. West, governor of Utah
Territory, in his annual report to the secre-
tary of the int rior, says the total number
children of school age in the territory, June
80, 1886, was 1888, which is an increase of
l,749 during the year. Total expenditure for
school purposes, S223 ,o44; increase of
$3.50 003
On the suDJect of schools the governor FUR
ther says:
ain connection with the great work of ed
ucating the youth of the territory is the svs-
TEN OF mission schools established by the
different christian denominations represented
in Utah, when it is considered that the
work is being carried forward among the peo-
pie whose leaders are hostile to every move
ment which they do not control, the success
which has attended their efforts is remark
able"
There were $50 of these mission schools
during the year, divided as follows:
Presbyterian, 81; Congregational, % !;
Methodist a. Catholic, 4; Episcopal, 5; !;
Baptist, l. Their property was valued at
$3.50 600 They employed 206 teachers and
had 6,336 pupils, of which S37 were enrolled
pupils in the Methodist schools, PAT from
Mormon families and 279 from Apostle Nor
mon families. On the subject of polygamy,
the governor says:
''The all absorbing question in the terri
tory, dominating all others and hurtfully at
fectng its prosperity, impeding Its advance
ment and disturbing the quiet and happiness
of its people, is the attitude OF defiance
sumei and maintained by the Mormon peo
pie, who probably are tive-slxths of the pop
ulation, toward the law of Congress for sup
preston of polygamy, known as the Edmunds
law, The government can have and hold but
one position towards this people, and its au-
thority must be respected and its laws obey
ed. During the year there were 84 convic
tions in the Federal courts for polygamy and
unlawful co-habitation. In nearly all these
cases the convicted have absolutely refused
to accept freedom by giving promise to obey
the laws in the future
The governor says he knows of no armed
organization for the purpose of opposing law
ful authorities or resisting the enforcement of
the laws; nor does he believe that any such.
now exists, but he says need may arise at anv
time for the prompt use of a strong, well-dis-
cipined and military force to aid the civil
power and recommends that garrison of the
United States troops be kept in the territory.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1886-10-21
A SACO FAMILY POISONED
BY Drinking Cider From a Cask Orig
inally Used for EmbalmIng Fluid.
SACo. Oct. 20.

SACo, Oct. 20.
Tuesday, Frank Wilds of Union Falls,
sold cask of new cider to James, the nine
teen wear old son of Civil Engineer Winfield
s. bennett of Saco, who drank one third of
glass. Mr.. bennett drank teaspoon full
and his wife only tasted it. All were taken
sick and despite the efforts of two physicians
the son died early Wednesday morning Mrs.
bennett is very sick but the phS> >icians think
sbe will recover. On the head Of the cask
was burned the word "poison." The cask
was nurchased of Biddeford undertaken and
originally contained embalming fluid.
The Saco poisoning case has created
great deal of discussion. Mrs. bennett still
lies in critical condition and Mr. Dennett
has not tsllv recovered. 1t is not know to-
p;oht whether corouer's inquest will be
held. Everybody declares that an investlga-
t;op sbould be made and the blame attrib-
nted TO whom it belongs. Undertaken O'Con-
nor of Biddeford, who sold the empty cask,
which once contained embalming fluid, claims
bs did mot know II was among the NUMBER
sold. Frank Wilds, who sold the cider, says
the word ..poison" was covered by tag ana
he did not see it.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1886-10-21
ANNUAL CONVENTION
OF the Brotherhood of Locomotive En-
gineers.
New YORK, Oct. 20.

NEW YORK, Oct 20.
The 23d annual international convention
of the Brotherhood of Locomotive Engineers
convened this morning at Lyric hall. Dele
gates representing every State and Territory
in the Union were present as well as repre-
sentatives from Mexico, Quebec, Ontario,
Nova Scotia, British Columbia and Mani
toba. Gen. Man. F. X. Hahn of the Elevated
railroad, prese nted the delegates with passes
for all elevated roads, good until the con-
vention adjourns.
Public exercises were held in the afternoon
at Metropolitan hail. There were addresses
by Gov Abbott of New Jersey, Rev. l. De
Wit Talmsge and Chauncey NJ. Depew.
Dep, said that all railroad presidents had
full confidence in the organization as they
knew engineers always kept their CONTRACTS
Grand Chief Arthur in his annual address
referred to the malicious and false statements
about the order because of their conserva
tive stand and said ii is their work to build
up our organization and not to meddle with
thing. outside. To his mind there was no
contest between capital and labor, but there
was between work and ideness. The order
now has 32l divisions, with nearly 10000
members.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1886-10-21
RAILROAD TICKETS.
A Man Brings Heavy SUIT for Malicious
Prosecution.

CHICAGO, Oct. 20.
DR.. Chalmers NJ. G. Prentice of Norwalk,
Ohio was arrested Oct. II, on a train of the
Lake Shore and Michigan and Southern rail-
road, when it arrived at South Chicago,
charged with disorderly conduct. The doc
tor came to Chicago with his wife, and on
the way he met a number of friends, who
had bought round trip railroad tickets to
Norwalk but did not intend to use them The
doctor bought them and for this VAS arrested,
the charge of disorderly conduct being pre-
ferred against him, because his captors knew
of no other accusations that would fit his
case. He was locked up but the railroad de
cided it could not proceed against him and he
was discharged. He has now sued the rail-
way company for $50 900 in the United States
Circuit Court for malicious prosecution.