davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
SHORT SUMMER SERMONS.
Delivered by Brother Gardner, of the Lime
Kiln Club.

A note has been left en- my desk akin
me why de present aige has not pro-
duced Cicero, Diogenes or Milton. |
answer to de effeck dat each aige has
produced of itself an fur itself.
Diogenes was looked upon as a wise
man in his day an aige. Put him an
his tub on airth to-day, an it wouldn't
be twenty-four hours befo' he'd be
jerked to de jug fur crank, an de law
would fo'ce him to cut his ha'r, dig out
his finger nails an put on clean shirt.
Cicero was applauded by thousands
fur his mastery oratory. At dat aige de
gift of CAB was a rare thing. In Gis
aige you kin attend five dollar law
suit befo' any Justice of de Peace an
find match fur Cicero in three-dollar
lawyer If he could drap down among
us he'd find it hard work to get a reso-
lushun fur new sidewalk frew de City
Council.
Shakespeare was bigbug fur de aige
in which he lived. He was probably de
only person on airth who could have
writ his writings, an he desarSed all
praise. If he was among us to day he d
find ebery newspaper givin' him de guy,
an all de boys yellin' out ''chestnuts !"
as his works appeared in Seaside form.
Dis aige demands different style. We
want sunthin' bout angels comm down
an takin' leetle chill'en straight up to
Heaben, or Teller gwine out to Texas
an KILN half dozon Injuns day fur
vacashun. We want plain English,
widout any had words in it. We doan'
know muffin bout me lord, me duke,
me lady an SIGH, an we doan' want to.
Dis aige has produced 5000 pussons,
who, while dey can't write like Shaks-
peare did, kin waltz all aroun' him in
keepin' de readers hair on eand from de
fust paige to de last
Nero was big gun fur his aige, but
jest you emagine SIGH chap cavortin'
aroun' dis kentry at dis day an date !
De VERY fust time he sounded his
bazoo in de Ninth Ward a peeler would
give him de collar an walk him down,
an de next mawnin' you'd see it in de
papers dat ole Nero was sent up fur
disturb1n' de peace.
We has no poet to ekal Milton, but if
we had de newspapers wouldn't GIN him
fair show. Dey'd refer to his pro-
duckshuns as spring poetry, an he'd
of Indiana. Dis aige doan' cry fur
poetry half as much as fur pork, an a
chap like Milton would hev to turn a
handorgan to make livin'.
De aige doan' demand no great man
in any line When it does he will bob
to de surface an his name will appear
in de papers. We am all mo- or less
orators. We am all wise huff in our
way. We am all philosophers huff to
see why water won't run up hill, an
statesmen huff to know dat what ails
dis kentry am its over-production of
bootjacks.
My advice to you am to keep right on
being common folks. If you want to
git above de common herd pay cash fur
your groceries; let odder folkses wood
piles alone; keep whisky an SIGH at
arms length; put IN six days a week at
hard work; read mo- skule books an
fewer-novels. You may not become a
Napoleon nor a Plato, but you'll be re,
membered in your own nayburhood
when de names of State Guv-nors bev
bin forgotten.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
An Earthquake House.

The Cincinnati Commercial says -
Cincinnati has an earthquake house. 1t
stands on the east side of Pike street,
and now shelters David Sinton, the ven
cradle millionaire, and Mr.. Charles Taft,
his son-in-law, aud their family. Report
has it that the house was built in 1915
by Martin Baum, who still retained a
vivid recollection of the earthquakes of
1911 and 1919. He believed that there
would be future developments of the
sane dread and mysterious subterrauean
influences, and he built in that belief
The house is a One-story structure of
great superficial dimensions; the walls
are of cubic dimensions su ''cient to sus-
tain at least hundred times their pres
ent weight, and iron girders and stout
iron braces in every corner render the
building proof against the lateral move
ments which were the most destructive
feature of the earthquake of 1911. This
is proof in itself of the impressive les
son of that early disturbance.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14

ENSIGN Selim E. Woodwork, U. S.
N, tells the San Francisco reporter that
J short time ago when the Ranger was
off the coast OF Costa RIGA on a survey
ing trip the lookout reported reef
some distance away. They drew near
to survey it, and saw that the reef was
huge serpent. The head was larger
than a mans body, with large, piercing
eyes. The body was of a dirty yellow
color. The serpent was a slow traveller,
and the ship gained on it, but it escaped
in the darkness, not before several mus
ket balls had been fired into 1t without
apparent effect.
A NORTH ADAMS lineman, repairing
telephone wires near blacksmith shop,
was in danger of falling, and caught
hold of an electric light wire. Fhe cur
rent was powerful enough to keep him
from letting 20, and would probably
have killed him had he not yelled to the
| blacksmith, who ran out with his pin
GERS, clipped the wire, and rescued the
severely shocked man.
A LARGE flock of sheep which were
being driven from Monta into Canada
were surrounded by band of Indians
on the Belly River, and urged over its
precipitous banks until they piled up,
one on another, twenty-five feet deep
In this way 172 sheep were killed, and
afterwards skinned, cut up and carried
off by the redskins.
THE Schumacher boys Of Conestogo,
Canada, leaned their fish poles against
an apple tree in the garden with the
lines dangling. As their mother was
walking in the garden the wind blew
one of the lines toward her, the hook
caught in her nose. and she suffered for
an hour before the doctor came and cut
1t out.
A LAND turtle got in front of Jacob
Orders self binding reaper, near Green
castle, Pa, and had a hind leg cut off,
and was taken up and bound in a sheaf
of wheat, where he was found by the
threshers seven weeks later. The place
where the leg had been cut off was
| nicely healed.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
The Chestnut.
ONE MORE ORIGIN OF THE FIGURATIvE
SENSE OF THE WORD.

The application of the word "chest-
nuts to an oft-told tale has become so
general and is accepted so uneuestion-
| ingly by bored public that but few
stop to inquire the origin of the term as
used in that connection. 1t came about
in this wise:
| Two or three years ago a party of
young folks of Pittsburg were enjoying
themselves at Halloween party in the
orthodox way, with apples, nuts, cider
and-jokes. One young man, who had
probably been reading up an almanac or
volume of Joe Miller for the occasion,
fairly deluged his companions with anec-
dotes. Some were good, some were bad,
some were neither good nor bad, but all
were Enthusiastically aged. The young
man worked industriously at his anec-
dote mill and ground out his stories at
| the rate of about six an hour for several
hours. His listeners goodnaturedly
laughed at his venerable witticisms until
the hour of midnight approached. Then
a fun loving young damsel devised a
plan to stop his flow of talk.
"Have a chestnut, Mr.. Smith?" she
said, when the young man commenced
THANK YOU" he replied. Gas 1 was
saying, when saw the"
Chestnut, did you say2" put in one
of his hearers.
mo, but"
'Try few chestnuts," said another.
81 have some," replied the unhappy
young man; ''but as | was saying, when
l saw the
"Chestnuts9" said the original con-
spirator.
1t was no use. The young man gave
up his storytelling, and the name
"Chestnuts" has chung to him ever SINCE
The joke on the young man was re-
tailed in every direction until an actor
at the Opera House heard it. He thought
the word chestnut very expressive,
and US it in the course of conversation
with his fellow thespians in its slangy
sense. 1t was instantly caught up by
his companions, for if there is anything
your thorough going actor dearly loves
it is a new slang word. and within three
months the word chestnut" to desig-
nate stale joke, rang through the
dressing rooms of every theatre from
New York to Frisco. Now it has be-
come part of the vernacular of the Uni
ted States, and the primnest maiden
and the staunchest deacon does not dis
dain to use the expressive slang term
occasionally. Pittsburg is acknowledged
10 be live, progressive city, with its
natural gas, typhoid fever and city hall
rings, but now everybody knows
that it was the birthplace of one of the
most successful slang words of the cen
fury. The history of it's origin has
never appeared in print before and no
one can say that this narrative is
''che smut. -
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
The Hay Fever.
RESULTS OF THE THIRTEENTH ANNUAL
MEETING AT BETHLEHEM, N. II.

BETHLEHEM, N. H.-The thirteenth
annual meeting of the Hay Fever Asso-
citation has closed its session here. A
larger attendance than ever testified to
an increased interest in the association
and its object.
The discussion centered on the new
drug, hydrochlorate Of cocaine, and the
new galvano- cautery process, both of
which are used to deaden or destroy the
oversensitiveness of the lining mem
brane of the nose. The testimony of
doctors and hay fever sufferers seems 10
be that hydro -chlorate of cocaine gives
temporary relief, but that its use is at
tended with danger. One reported that
it had paralyzed his auditory nerve.
Concerning the galvanic- cautery, reports
were diverse-some reporting complete
cure; others relief for one or two years !;
and still more no relief whatever
Boxes of nostrum are sent to the asso-
citation yearly, but the association re-
fuses TO give its sanction to any remedy
the absolute efficacy of which is not
known. The association has done a
great work also in collecting and COM
pairing data for the location of exempt
places in the White Mountains and Adj
Colorado and California. By the pay
ment of 81 any hay fever victim can be-
come member and receive the associa-
TONS printed list of such places.
Through the associations efforts also
medical men have become interested in
the disease.-Iadianap0 Journal.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
The MutiIatiOn Of Dogs.

Sir Edward Landseer, one of the
judges at the dog show in London,
England, endeavored to exclude all
dogs that had been mutilated BY ear
cropping or otherwise. The principal
reason for Sir Edward Landseer's pro
test is that the cropping of ears is most
cruel and hurtful to the dog. The
cruelty complained of is not in the
operation; that, after all, is small mat
ter. 1t consists in depriving the animal
of a defence which nature has given to
it against the entrance of earth and
sand into the cars. The entrance of
these into the ears distresses the dog
much, causing deafness, abcesscs and
cancer. All dogs, more or less, require
to be protected from sand and Garth by
overlappi G cars; but especially do ter
ers-literally ''earth Dogs the species
which, of all Others, is most prosecuted
by cropping. They go into a burrow,
their ears get full of sand, and they
suffer ever afterWard,
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
CHEERFUL IN UTTER DARKNESS.
Even the Blind were Very Happy on that
Pleasant Day.

I may be wrong, but it appeared to
me that the most cheerful of our blind
party were those who were born so, or
had lost their sight at an age too early to
have any remembrance of seeing. l
came on one middle-aged man, who,
being a widower, had brought his young
son, about ten years old, with him, to
act as guide. He was sitting on a gate,
with his face toward the fields, and the
boy was squatting on the grass The
blind man was singing. No doubt on
account of its appropriateness to the
occasion, the song of his choice was
the "Warbling Wagner" and dangling
his legs in the lightness of his spirits
he sang it loud and hearty, his son not
joining in except to help with the
chorus. He was singing the last verse
as l came near, and at its conclusion
applauded the performance, whereupon
he laughed, and, slapping his thigh,
called to his son for the chorus over
again for the last time, and this being
accomplished he put out his hand to
give mine the grasp of friendship.
Goodness knows how he discovered it.
but at the first touch with his fingers he
found out that was not blind. 81 beg
pardon, SIR" said he; 81 thought it
was one of our own people I was sing
ing and laughing with. But it is poor
heart that never rejoices, and you, hav-
ing your precious eyesight, won't be
offended with us, know"
81 am only too glad" l replied, ''that
you find Yourself to-day with rich
heart in place of poor one, and that
you can rejoice.
"Well, | should be pretty migrate
full sort of chap if didn't. It's fairly
beautiful. That's how l reckon it up,
master, and | can't say more than that. :"
And he raised himself bit higher on
the gate, and slowly turned his head
this way and that loudly shifting the
while, and fiBissftng up with sounding
smack of his lips.
''It's de-licfousI said he.
"But you can't see it, )" remarked.
''But can smell it." he responded
cheerily, and with another prolonged
sniff, 'and can taste it. l can't see.
l never could. But, thank the Lord,
I've got my sense of smelling, and tast-
ing and hearing; and I'll make out
with them if you'll bring me into the
country to EN- myself bit. And, as
for eyes, hain't my boy, Ben, here got
two of 'em, and sharp ones, too And,
in a manner of speaking, l can borrow
them whenever want to; so l haint
got much to grumble about"
don't know how it is, but it would
seem that when a person loses his eyes
he is straightway deprived as well of
what is said to be especially an English
mans privilege the luxury of grum-
bIing.-L0nd0n IeLeqraph.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
An Old Song.

Perhaps it is not too late to say for
the benefit of the gentlemen who have
sung keep in de middle er de road"
for ten or twelve years that the line
really is ''Keep in de middle er de row, -
and that the song was favorite among
the negroes who did the blowing. TO
keep in the middle of the row was to
avoid tearing up or covering up the
young cotton or corn, accidents W ich
were bound to occur if those who held
the pow handles tried to ''to look to de
right or ''look to de lef'." 1t is well
when writing or singing negro songs to
keep in the middle OF the row or there
about. A little slip destroys the mean
ing.-NacOn (Ga.) telegraph.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14

THE OLD GAME. Two plausible
strangers stopped at the farm of Squire
Brewer, of Liberty, o., and agreed to
buy his farm. Then the three started
for Van Vert to examine the title, and
were met Ly third plausible stranger,
from whom, after the usual preli1nin-
aries, they won $4,000 at three card
monte. The stranger wouldn't pay
until the others showed like sum. So,
t. be accommodating, Brewer drew
81, 600 out of the bank for his friends,
who then lost it at the same game.
They said they'd pay when the papers
for The sale of the farm were made out ;
and the old gentleman actually waited
two days in Van Vert for them to re.
turn before it dawne upon him that
he had been swindled.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
A Baby Among the Elephants.

While show was exhibiting at Drill
liza, Canada, a few days ago, and after
the performance in the circus pavilion
had been in progress for nearly an hour,
during which time the menager1e tent,
containing the animals and elephants
was as usual at such time quite deserted,
woman's terror-stricken shrek, My
child My child" rang through the
pavilion, and reused the half dozen ami
NAL keepers in the menagerie quarters
from their afternoon nap. Fastening
to the spot from which the screams
came, a woman was found in the act OF
crawling under the guard ropes which
encircle twelve huge elephants. An
other glance revealed the tiny form of a
chubby four-year old boy, standing in
the midst of the herd, patting their
squirming trunks with his diminutive
hands, laughing and shouting, and hav-
ing world of fun all to himself, with
his ponderous playmates.
[ nnoticed he had strayed from his
mothers charge, and, like all boys, dis
covered the most perilOus place in which
to expose himself unobserved by any
body he had walked under the guard
ropes surrounding the elephants, and
there he stood when discovered by his
frantic mother, in the centre of dozen
colossal beasts, who were reaching out
their huge trunks toward him and beg
ging, as is their custom, for ginger snaps
and peanuts, which visitors are in the
habit of feeding to them.
Old George Wade the elephant keep
er, took in the situation at glance, and
quickly selling the frenzied woman,
handed her to an attendant, and shout
ing to the elephants, who were familiar
with his voice and presence, entered
among them, and gently raising the
daring little intruder to his shoulder,
carried him to his agonized parent, who,
the moment the boy was placed in her
arms, tainted and sank to the ground.
In a few moments she recovered and
bitterly chided herself for her want OF
attention to her baby boy in thus per
hitting him to escape from her care.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
A Funny Scene.

Artemus Ward used to tell good
story of his travels. He said that once
while on lecture tour night found him
at small town in Nevada. In the land
lord of the hotel he recognized a friend
of his boyhood who gave him hearty
greeting. Supper over the landlord said
to his guest: "Now, Brown, we hardly
ever have any show of any kind in this
place, and don't think we ever had a
lecture. Can't you give us your Lecture
up in the ball-room2 1t will please the
people nightly, and I'll take it as a
great favor if you will" With char
acteristic good nature Artemus con-
sented. The ballroom was well filled
when he rose to speak, and before he
had been on his feet a minute he made
an observation which provoked a roar
of laughter. At which the landlord, his
face white with rage, rose and advanced
toward the platform with the remark,
Zone minute, Mr.. Brown" Artemus
paused, and the landlord having taken
his place beside him drew revolver
from his back pocket and addressing the
audience, said: "Ladies and gentlemen,
the speaker is particular friend of mine
and if he's interrupted agin hang me if
/ don't shoot You can proceed, Mr..
Brown" Artemus proceeded, and al
though he gave them his funniest lee
ture, he reported that there was after
wards no further "interruption."
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
American Fables.

A Wolf who had Borrowed a quarter
of Lamb of the Lion greedily Devoured
it, but soon afterwards Remarked:
''Seems to me that Mutton wasn't
quite up to the Spring Lamb standard.
Indeed, never ate Worse Piece"
''And yet," replied the Lion, chad
you seen me Devour it you would have
licked your chops and thought how
Delicious it was"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
Hints to ConsunptIxes.

5onsumptives should use food as nourishing
As can be had, and in shape that will best
agree with the stomach and taste of the pa
tent.
Outdoor exercise is earnestly recommended.
re YOU are unable to take such exercise on
horseback or on foot, that should furnish no
excuse for shutting yourself indoors, but you
should take exercise in a carriage, or in some
other way bring yourself in contact with the
open air.
Medicines which cause expectoratfon must
be avoided. For five hundred years ply
sicians have tried to cure Consumption by
using them and have failed. Where there Is
great arrangement of the secretions, with
engagement of air-cells, there Is always
profuse expectoration. Now Piso's Cure re-
moves the engagement and the arrangement
of the secretions, and consequently land in
this way only diminishes the amount of mat
ter expectorated. This medicine does not dry
ND a cough, but removes the cause of it.
When it is impossible from debility or other
causes to exercise freely in the open air, apart
ments occupied by the patient should be SO
ventilated as to ensure the constant accession
of fresh air in abundance.
The surface of the body should be sponged
as often as every third day with tepid water
and a little soft-soap. This is preferable to
any otherJ After thoroughly drying, use
Cod-Liver or Olive is the best. This keeps the
no es of the skin in a soft, pliable condition,
which contributes materially to the unloading
of waste matter from the system through this
organ. You will please recollect we cure TINS
d sease ty enabling the organs OF the system
to perform their functions in normal way,
or in other words, we remove obstruction,
while the recuperative powers Of the system
cure the disease.
We will here say a word in regard to cough
n the f rming stage, where there Is no con-
stitutional or noticeable disease. A cough
may or may not foreshadow serious evil; take
it in its mi dest form, to say the least, 1t is a
nu sance, and should be abated.
A cough is unlike any other symptom or dis
ease 1t stands a conspirator, with threaten
ing voice, menacing the health and existence
of vital organ. Its first approacA is in whis-
pers uninteligible, and at first too often un-
needed but in time it never fails to ma 80 itself
understood-never fails to claim the attention
of those on whom it calls.
If you have a cough without disease of the
lungs or serious constitutional disturbance, so
much the better, few do es OF Piso's Cure
will be all you may need, while II you 70 1ar
advanced in Consumption, several bottles may
he required to effect permanent cure.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14

WHITE WATER While the Cape
Sable fisheries were at their best few
days ago the "white water" ma de its
appearance, moving toward the west.
1t showed for long distance On the
surface and seemed full of minute fibres
of curdlike consistency. On its west
ern edge it was apparently thirty faith
oms deep and as perpendicular as the
walls of house. The fish fled before
this rare phenomenon, and after the
water resumed its usual clearness they
were very scarce.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14

GEoRGIANs are laughing at two citi
zens in Franklin county who were shaken
by the earthquake. One rushed out and
yelled to a ncighbor: ''COme over to my
house quick; there's a man in my loft"
81 can't come" was the startling answer
"Theres a man in my loft, too.n
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
THE PATIENT AND THE DOCTOR.

THE PATIENT AND THE DOCTOR.
A Peasant who was very Ill and ex-
pected to Die Promised the Doctor $50
if he saved his Life. A Fortunate turn
of the Disease Enabled the Doctor to
pull his Patient through, but when he
Presented his Bill the Peasant ex-
claimed:
what Monstrous Robbery I'll never
pay it."
''But you set your own Figures"
eyes, Dut any jury will decide that 1
was too i'll to Transact Business"
MORAL:
Don't Depend upon the Promises of a
man down a " ell.-D trOjt Free freSs.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14

LUMBERMEN get twen'y cents log at
Wausaw, Wis, for raising dead" or
water soaked logs from the bottom of
the Wisconsin River They have already
raised about 600, 900 feet, and logs that
have been dead for twenty years are said
to be as sound as the day on which they
were cut.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14

THEY CAME.-A regular visitor at the
G0zette office brought in his weekly
donation of apples and pears with which
he filed the poetry basket the other
day, and remarked: "Now don't men
ton this in the paper; your senior item
lied a little gift like this for me once,
and said that MIR. - has a thrifty
pear orchard full of magnificent fruit
That night after the paper came out,
some miserable scamps came to my
place and skinned every tree on the
premises. "-NorWalb Comma Gazette.