Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-02-22


A Texas steer-go there and grow up
with the country.
Women are sections in churches in Ber-
lin. Fair sections of course.
Bucket shop dealers in Syracuse, N. Y,
have failed because they are without the
pale of credit.
If the world, as it is said, owes every
body a living, the world ought to get
mortgage on itself to pay its debts.
Professor, to student-''Wh import
ant change came over Burns in the latter
part of his life?' Student-"He died"
Out in Michigan man was fined fifteen
dollars for hitting an editor. If he had
killed bin it would probably have been
as much as twenty-five dollars.
81 consider him a bold arrogant man."
eyes, know he is now, but he won't be
very long" "And why not, I should
like to know?" ssHe is to be married next
week."
The Sandwich Islands are for sale for
100000. The property consists of
TWO sugar houses, one cXtluCt volcano
and 700 cases of leprosy, all in middling
repair.
81 can give you a cold bite" said the
woman. ''Why not warm it up?" asked
the tramp. ''There amt any wood saw
ed ''That so? Well, give it to me cold
then
One lady said to another: "Have you
been to church to-day? We had most
beautiful sermon on training children. -
"No, l was at home, doing it," was the
reply.
A poor young man and his young wife
get along very well with their economy
until the dry goods stores begin to spread
all over the newspapers. Then there's
a break.
A Norristown woman mistoOk the chess
diagrams in Il New york daily paper for a
crazy-quilt pattern, and has built one ol
those horrors therefrom which is the en-
w of all her lady friends.
What's the use of closing the saloons
on Sunday? The police won't go to church
anyhow. If the saloons are open on Sun
day, the people know right where to &C
when they want a policeman.
He was persistent little boy, whose
| ,,o+l,or tl,ounbt ba 1Uoc ton ynuuO n wpal
trousers, that said she would be willing
to 90 without pockets if he only coulC
wear something that had legs"
An enthusiastic Western Texas sheer
man writes 'We are perfectly free from
scab, and expect to do big business.
he does not state whether he intends t.
shear himself this season or not.
ssNow," said New York photographer
chucking the gloomy man under the chin
'stry and look as if you were sure you
candidate would be elected cts NJ
use to try and do that. I've bet my mon
ey on Davenport.
IA man in New York lives withou
lungs, and the doctors are very mucl
puzzled" Pshaw! Having no lungs h
can't draw his last breath, and until
man breathes his last breath he is boun'
to live. Give us hard one.
sWhat is the first thing you woul'
do, Jones, if you were stung by horn
et?" asked Smith, who had been readin:
an article on the treatment of stings
''Howl," replied Jones, solemnly. AM
the conversation abruptly ended.
sWhat is the origin of motion?" aske,
a celebrated preacher Well, there ar
many origins. A call to come up and hav
a drink will bring fifty men to their fee
in second, and a spider down girl
back is the origin of some of the livelies
motion the world ever saw.
''Tm a poor, husbandless woman sh
walled at the door Of the Widows Home
and was taken in and cared for over night
The next morning the matron called he
into the office. ssYou have no husband?
she inquired tenderly. ssNo, madam,
was the reply, in tear-stained voice
"When did you lose him?'' ''Last week.
"Only so recently? How sad What wa
the matter?" ''He was poor, and wante
me to live in two rooms on back street
aud | refused him. 'sThen you are no
a widow" said the matron Indignantly
''No. madam; only poor, husbandles
woman, an old maid, if you wish to ca
it by so harsh a name.'' The matro
bounced her out in five bounces down tn
stairs.