Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1886-02-01
UTAH ORATORS IN SESSION.
A Meeting in the Tithing office
Cellar. and q Kind of Lime Kiln
club Organized.

Melchesidick Ham was convened IN the
tithing office cellar for the purpose OF Or
ganizinga Mutual Improvement Assocl-
alton. The attendance was much larger
than the biggest ward fast meeting ever
seen, and there was enough OF the relief
society element present to bring the
meeting right down to business without
those Woman's Erponent-like prelimi-
naries which always give SO many the
collie in its most violent stages.
Absalom McIntire suggested the name
of Horatio Crabtree for temporary chair
man, and owing to the wealth and aristo-
cratic influence of the gentleman from
South Cottonwood the nomination re-
ceived an instantaneous and thunderous
response, that made the old building
culver and shook down several uncured
hams from the cob-webbed beams above.
Horatio took the chair with a Charlie
Crow-like diffidence, and said:
off lean hab de unseparated prayers of
dis conference I will try to propishi-
ate de honers so bounchusly perciptated on
me. De fust dooty OBJ dis convenshnn,
as I take it, am to 'lect a sergunt-o
and picket him on de outside oh de outer
doah. And if dis 'semblage hab con-
tracted de noshun dat dere am danger
from de trap doah ober dere by brudder
Septimus McCook, dis meetin ill pint a
speshul committee to take charge OBJ dat
| apachur Moroni. Agramonte is hereby
instituted to de cumbersome and pre-.
caryus ofus afo'sed, and de congrega-
shun am enioined to celebrate on de
questchun in relation to de trap doah."
Septimus reluctantly removed himself
to the post OF honor, and the chairman
continued:
"My concepshun OBJ de ambishun OBJ dis
meetin' am dat a pum'nent club
or 'ciety be 'naugurated under de spirit
OBJ de constitushun and wild de aim to re-
juvenate de cullud race and Iced dem by
de horns back into dat prime-evil con-
dishun which dey had arriv at befoah de
stahs and stripes sang togedder fob glory.
To dis end | 'spectfully nominate de on
erible Home-rule Ireland foah secrketery
and CASHIER, and move dat de organiza-
shun be proclaimed, signed, sealed and
delibered as it stands"
Brother Crabtree was the only man |
present who made any pretensions to
parliamentary knowledge, and the an
nouncement was therefore received with
out murmur, and when the vote came
it was unanimous and loud. The chair
declared the meeting duly organized and
ready to receive any communication from
the members. After pause of several
seconds, during which Moroni Agramonte
peeped in to see whether the meeting had
adjourned and dispersed through the
trap-door, Israel Murray arose and
handed to the secretary paper resem-
bling WARRANTED deed, and in cultural
whisper requested that the document be
read aloud, as he was afraid of exposing
his lungs to the diphtheria-like odor
emanating from the northeast corner of
he cellar where the last shipment OF
'ithing potatoes from Sanpete was piled i
Up. The paper was an essay on the sill I
yer question and read as follows: i
DE prerambel and rezolushuns here
natter provided is ment as an exhibition
N de part OBJ dis assoshiashun to show
lat nuthin shoart OBJ an unlimited coin
lge will receibe de suppoart ov dis peo-
lie: Foah why? Fust, bekase dar
lathe bin an unsifishency ov dis meeium
'mung de INDECENT masses oh de popu-
uss since time was not, an de cry OBJ
ntold millyuns hath 'scended I'D over
nsign peak demandin moan OBJ dis lucur (
an de Treasury OBJ ne nashun hath
eah -to-foah shelled out. Am de hart
ending peels and criun in de wilderness
desc quintillions OBJ poah, half ded
butchers who hab neber owned q Track
hun OF huff silver dollahs to pervide
'ah dar families sumpchusly and paw
ere tlthin-am desc 'peels, say, gwine
be lowed to reverberate back wild
nptiness and bitterness on dis peoples
gu Butler johnson, Jay Gould and few
dder millynnares hav dare car-lodes OBJ
ell gotten gain stoed away in volts a
cap bigger dan dis cellar hoose festuned
.fters are now gazing down on us in 7
lent ave-. De cry OBJ too much silver,
y brederin, is all well huff foah desc II II
ty Wall street dead broke-ers, but dat +,
ont buy grub foah desc numberless &C
sin generashun OATS groin up roun us. bs
ldoze bloated bond holders would dry or
, quicker dan de orchards on de norf to
inch If dey're eyes could be pride open .,
deze Jacks. | dare foah sigiest dat or or
omespun Jensen and Kernel Pickwick ali
leddon be set apart and consecrated en-
take de undergrown bee line route
de White House, and dere to submit
de postmaster OBJ de interium de post
ortem Jacks as hereinafter set foarth
q not to turn dere backs to de capitaM
dey hav gainsayed de promise dat sil8
r, de gloary, de hope, de desire oh n
cry poah and INDECENT member OBJ dis -
oubllck, is forced to de posishun where Dol
Sc wife, picturesk, dollahs OBJ de daddies ma
IL be coined and circulated w;dont La La
nit. "'oou' S Sof
Yours fur helth, low
TSp.n, der
- ~. AshAE Ella MURRAY. Hy
1t the conclusion of the essay. which CT
read with true T. B. Lewisonian eIo. uta
,nce, the chairman announced that .
ormatlon had been received from Ma. -
Il Agramonte that he was freezing ont- IL
the door, and the meeting would -
refore stand adjourned for one wool,
Se.bastopol Ringwood was reouestad i W
denver red-hot benediction tbot p
lid thaw out the doorkeeper As tba u
emblage arose and was about to die dc
Sc, the chairman shouted.
lie brederin' will please cum newt
nrday ebenin' duly prepared to stand
reasonable 'nitiashun fee. Wedder
dder Murray's silver bill passes mr. Sal
desc dllapidated tallow candles will :.
10 De replenished, an de sekraterv ne W.
require slate to take de minits ~, !, CITY
ton,
-emI