The Washington critic., 1886-03-20

@His NAiNtih VI bdlAuuOlt Nh-hhy NlNih
denies that he purchased the peachblow
vase. Blow the peachblow vase.
With the able assistance OF the Pan
Electric Investigators Dr. Rogers bids fair
to get pretty fair advertisement for his
satlrlcal poem, "The Great Mugwumpn
TnE CmTIC does this much of the advertis-
ing as a mark Of esteem that DR.. Rogers did
not call his poem "Spring.n
There is one fact in connection with the
late steamer Oregon which may furnish
food for consolation; She's English, you
know.
"Will you love me alwaysgn she said
pleadingly TO her widower sweetheart.
"Yes, darling he replied soulfully, "lf
you don't die"
The Nashville World (Dem) says IL the
Cleveland is hurled from power, many suns
will set before another Democrat wipes his
feet on the White House door-mat. Does
the World mean TO intimate that Cleveland
is the only Democrat who knows enough
about social and domestic ethics to wipe his
feet when there's door-mat handyg
A rich X street girl with poor sweet
heart says she wants to be appointed ad;
ministratrix de Jedu-nis non.
Rev. Mr.. Beecher, In a speech at Delmon-
ico's on st. Patrick's day, said: "Nothing
can any longer be done In q corner" Has
the reverend gentleman been dabbllng In
pork or wheat9
Mr.. IIowells says lie will not write q
novel of Washington life, but will leave the
work to be done by some newspaper CORE
spondent. We would suggest as novel
subject: "Thc overworked Congressman;
or, the Story of an IDEAL"
Concerning the reported retiracy of Mr..
Hewitt from Congress, he says he came to
Congress against his will, aud If he comes
again II will be in the same manner. Another
case Of Julia, who, ''vowing she would
neer consent-consentcd.n
A convert at one of Sam Jones' meetings
said he had found that religion in Chicago
was the same as 1t was In Ohio. Up to the
time of going to press, no one who knows
anything about religion in the localities
named has had the temerity to deny it.
Two men, suffering from mule kicks,
were brought to the Louisville Hospital one
day this week. The patience OF q mule Is
mi nyhnnsta1 1,,rt ba ct ct
part of this tale is that neither of these men
was great American humorist.
Congressman Laird, a new Member from
Nebraska, read the riot act to Tom Reed
yesterday on the floor in soldier speech,
and there be those who say Laird will be in
a condition to apply for pension when
Thomas gets done with him. In the mean
time, Laird has left Mr.. Reed in that con-
dition.
Jedge Waxem, having read the recently
published views of Miss Cleveland on the
subject of dress, arrives, by easy poetic
stages, at the following brief but compre-
hensive summary Of the situation:
| love to see the graceful arms
OF youth and beauty bare;
| love to see the soft, white necks
OF maidens, young and fair;
| love to see the shoulders smooth,
When they are plump and fat;
| But when 1t comes to busts-ahem!
| i draw the line at that.
A young lady in full dress is bare in the
| market.
An amateur press association--the waltz.
Sam Jones lectured to five thousand Chi
| cago women the other day. 1t was great
feat.
| Our esteemed contemporary, the New
York Sun, with the sesquipedalian circum
| locution incidental to the expression of a
| barren ideality, objects to The CRITIC's use
| of the word 'anachronism' IN its com
mentary upon the Sturs episaph on the
| Oregon: "Peace to her ashes" We used
the word adysedly. We knew 1t was not
| fulfilling its definition. We didn't ask II to
do that. Desperate diseases require desper-
ate remedies. "Peace to her ashes,n as
used by the Sun, could not be qualified by
any deinable word in the language. We
keep that word ''anachronism" in stock to
use In emergencies of this nature. We used
it. The San, impulsively hypercritical,
stumbled upon peg Intentionally set, and
wasted Its strength in hyperbolic contor-
tions. The sad event has cast gloom
over the entire community. We hasten tc
extend our warmest sympathy. Oul
esteemed contemporary is more sinned
against than SHINING, and we feel, In 6
measure, censurable. We regret exceed
ingly that In a moment Of exuberan
hilarity we should have thoughtlessly given
pain to even the least Of Gods creatures
We see 1t all now, and with bitter, repent
ant tears we come imploring to be restored
to the love and confidence Of our esteemed
contemporary.
Alas, how easily things go wrong!
A word too much; word too long,
And there cometh wall and a cry of pain
And the SIN is never the same again.