St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-10-18

got queens. % lOuS dS ohC NOou e"OH
make any difference whether get home to-
day or tomorrow. Give me two cards.
So
Officer Stoltz. of the St. Paul police force
Is a man who always attends to bis duties,
and never lays himself open to criticism, but
he isn't firmly on to all the ways OF this age
of progression. According to the new order
the police officers are obliged to report every
hour at the boxes on their beats. They are
called from the Central station by the officer
in charge there, and are supposed to answer,
if they are awake. A few nights ago Officer
Stoltz went to the box to report. Pretty soon
the bell rang, and taking down the phone and
placing it to his ear, he yelled:
''Hello!''
"Hellov' came the answer, sis that officer
Stoltz?"
''You bet,'' replied Stoltz.
.sWeL, Officer Stoltz, didn't you know it was
against the rules of the police department
TO smoke while on duty?" came from the
Central station.
III amt shmondkin',' yelled back StOltz,
holding the stump of his cigar on the outside
of the door.
Eyes you are.'
"How you knew dot?''
81 smell it over the wire?"
Dots der funniest id ting effer heerd
of. [ belt my cegeer on der outside OH der
box all der time vile I vas here" he shouted
back and the only answer that he got was q
laugh from Central station as the officer
closed the phone Stoltz hasn't satisfied him
self yet how the smell of tobacco can travel
a mile or two over q telephone wire.
There is probably no man on the road
who can tell larger story, and tell it with
better effect, than can Nate Salisbury, the
successful and favorite comedian OF
Troubadour fame who opens three nights
engagement at the Grand tonight. The fol-
iG
Nate He was playing an engage
ment in small town in Missouri
last fall and IL was, of course, Fourth OF
July exhibition for those people who never
got an entertainment of more startling ma
ture than magic lantern show or gang of
bell ringers Nate was the lion Of the town,
that couldn't muster more than 1900 people,
men women and children, and he amused
himself sitting out in front of grocery store
afternoons, stutfng the skins of the conhdlng
Missourians full of uddy-complexioned lies.
One evening, about an hour before the per-
formance was to begin, Nate come into town
carrying in his hand a string of pickerel that
dragged on the ground. 1t dawned upon the
citizens that Nate was wonderful Usher
man as well as comedian. and the following
afternoon an unusually large crowd gathered
around the barrel on which Nate sat.
II see yer hev er big string er fish yester-
day, Mr.. Salisbury said man who was
busily engaged in carving his initials in the
side of dry goods box.
YES" replied Nate, II caught apretty good
string"
"Whar did yer ketch um?" inquired the
whittier.
.'Out here about three miles in the country.
in small lake. Was you ever out there?''
mo; L never wandered erway SO far from
town in my life,' replied the man on the box.
Nate smiled and concluded to paralyze the
gang with a fish story. Pushing his hat up
on the back of his head and clasping his
hands around one knee, while he kicked the
side of the barrel with his heel, he said:
'''Twas pretty good fishing. Best I've had in
a long time"
'Whatd yer use fur bait?" ask ed a man
from lower town.
"Oh, nothing replied Nate. "You see
don't have to have any bait. l went out there
yesterday and didn't think anything about
fishing. l just wanted an hour or two by
myself. l sat down on the shore of the lake
and began whisting one of my latest songs.
L m going to sing it tonight. the first time 1t
was ever sung in this town. I'd whistled
about two minutes, when l noticed several
pickere in the water looking at me and listen
ing. The longer 1 whstled the more fish
gathered around and l concluded to catch
mess for supper. put my hands down to
take hold of one of them, but they swan away.
Somehow, don't know how it was, began
to recite one of the funny poems that work
in in the show, you know, and I'm a lamprey
eel if the fish didn't come back and try to
work their way up on to the bank 1 reached
down and picked out what / wanted and
brought them home. That was the string
you saw me have last night
While Nate was telling the story a slovenly
dressed fellow slouched up to the crowd and
leaning against one of the veranda posts,
listened attentively while be Whitfield away
at a cider tap. When Nate had finished his
story and his auditors were looking at him
wildly and gasping for breath, the man work.
ing on the cider tap uneaned himself from
the post and going over to the barrel on
which Nate was poised, said;
''Look hyar, stranger. don't know what
yer lay is, but eff yer think yer'll cheat me
out'n my money by tellin' these chaps emmy
sech er yarn es thet, yer aer long ways frum
home. Yer told me to cum hyar this after
noon an yer'd pay me fur that string err fish
sold yer yesterday, an if yer don't do it an
do it id quick, I'll break er hole in Their
side O. Their house with YER
"Gentlemen," SAID Nate, climbing down
from the barrel, I'm wrong; it wasn't yes
terday that caught them fish. 1t was an
other time. 1 simply made little mistake in
dates" and pulling out a handful of money
Nate paid the man, and at the same time pre-
served his elevated position i'll the simple
minds of the Missourians.
~
Mrs. Nosearouud sat by the fire few MORN
| ings ago reading the morning paper She
was one Of those unfortunate women with
Republican propensities, who awoke too late
and found herself knotted to man of the
most radical Democratic principles On this
particular morning, Mr.. Nosearound sat in
the back part of the room, stuffing canned
meat into his pet dog.
Husband said the lady, IT see by the
paper that they're going to bore in this coun-
try for natural gas.''
EYES," grunted the husband.
"Where are they going to bore; do you
know"
mo. I don't exactly know; but they'd
strike the biggest supply If they'd go and
bore down into the headquarters Of the Re-
publican state central committee" When he
arose from the sidewalk and looked up the
stairway, he scratched his head and wondered
whether he used it or the window in
coming down.
*xw
''That's awful, said Bipps, throwing down
the paper and looking across the table at
Gilly.
whats awful?'' queried Gilly.
''Why, cloud of grasshoppers settled