davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02
SCIENTIFIC BRIBE TAKERS.
Professional Analyses Worthless to
COpsumers.
From the msrican AmaJyst.

From the american AAdLyst.
An amusing story is told of a certain promi-
nent manufacturer here who, wanting
chemical Enforcement of the quality of his
wares, applied to certain professor for an
analysis of the goods. for which he paid a
specified price. When he received the certi6-
cate IL was found only to contain the analysis,
not the expected Endorsement. He applied
again to the professor, who tod him he
thought he only wanted an analysis; If he
wanted an Endorsement it would cost HIM
500 more. This was paid, and the indorse-
ment followed. d few days later some
one suggested that he ought to get the
professor TO add all his official titles to
his signature, whereupon he was informed
that an analysis and Endorsement, signed with
titles cost 800 more. He paid this. and now
having paid SO much he thought he would de-
rive some benefit from his investments by
using the revised edition of his analysis in an
advertisement. He had 1T printed, but was
surprised by a visit from his professor, who
bluntly informed him that if he wanted the
analysis for an advertising analysis IL would
cost $500 more, or he would nave to repudate
1t. To avoid trouble he paid this too. Now
he felt that at last he owned the analysis
both per Sc and for whatever purpose
he might want it. Naturally supposing that
so expensive professors analysis must have
great weight with the public, he had it hand
sOmely painted on an uptown fence, headed:
What Prof. - says about these goods"
In few days he received another call from
the Professor, who informed him that for
fence analysis he must have 500 more. The
manufacturer paid this also, and is now try
ing to devise some new method of utilizing his
much-paid-for analysis without mourning a
new bill for the Professor, who apparently is
an Unsuitable searcher after fees.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

The idea OF DR.. FELTON, slipping into the
Congressional sheepfold on the SLY while
Jud. Clements is deliberately unlocking
the door with his latch-key, is enough to
tickle the people of the Seventh district.
There have been rumors In the district
for several days TO the effect that secret
steps had been taken to bring out the In.
dependent aud Republican vote and elect
the Doctor to Congress, while the Demo.
Gratis were taking things easy, and Mr..
Clements was congratulating himself on
his walk over the field on which he won
his first glorious aud effective victory,
eclipsing the Democratic record in the
Seventh. MIR. Clements was so impressed
win the Importance of the rumors that
he issued notice TO the Democrats OF
the district Monday exposing the
scheme, and urging them to come out and
give full vote. If the Doctor and his
friends were soft enough to think they
could play such a trick as that they will
be very apt to discover their mistake TO-.
day. They ought to know by this time
that it is not an easy matter to catch
Clements mapping.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

The New York World now says that
Mr.. Julian Hawthorne waited upon EX-
Minister Lowell as the representative of
the World, and interviewed him for pub
LEGATION. The " orld further states that
Mr.. Lowell was fully aware Of the tact
that be was being interviewed, and that
what he sad would be published. This
raises a question of veracity between Mr..
Lowell and the World. Mr.. Lowell pub
lished card, in which he stated that his
confidence and hospitality had been
abused by Mr.. Hawthorne, because he
published private conversation.
Mr.. Lowell stated that be did not know
that Mr.. hawthorne represented a news
paper and was Intervening him. On the
publication OF MIR Lowell's card MIR. Haw-
taorne was very generally condemned by
the press of the country. The correctness
of MIR. LowelPs statement was not ques-
TONED, particularly as Mr.. Haw thorne, in
replying to it, took the ground that he
supposed that MIR. Lowell knew that he
was interviewing him, although he gave
no satisfactory reasons why be thought so.
If the Worlds statement is correct MIR.
Lowell hasn't any particular ground for
complaint. 1t may be that he did not ex-
pect to see in print the fact that he said
that the Queen of England is slough
one" or that be referred to the Prince of
wales as being too fat for beauty. 1t
would be well for Mr.. Lowell to say
whether the statements in his card are
entirely within the bounds of truth. If
what the World says is true, judgment
with respect to Mr.. Hawthorne's conduct
has been unnecessarily harsh.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02
Mrs. Cleveland,s Social Assistants.
Fro,n ia Ninneapolia Eeentna Jonrnal.

From the Minneapolis Eseni1g Journal.
Mrs. Cleveland will have some lovely young
ladies inside the Cabinet circle to assist her in
recepr ions this winter. The Misses BayArd
will appear very seldom in pubic, but their
places will be filed by the Misses Manning.
EndicOtt, Villas and Lamar. Miss Villas u
hardly u debutante vet. but will be allowed to
take part in hefestivlties In limited de gree.
Miss Manning. the Seoretary's daughter.
who is Just out, isqute attractive. She as
sisted her stepmother at her receptions last
season. and was quite popular. Miss Endicott
Is q fun flown society lady now, and is very
elegant and stately in her manner and move
ment.
The prettiest one Of them all Is Miss Jennie
Lamar, the debutante daughter OF the Missis-
sippi Secretary Her mother died over two
years ago. and she has been living with her
married sister in Memphis, Tenn, until this
fall.
she Is -, tall, graceful and bright. Her
hair IL golden and her eyes rich hued hazel.
She has the gentle ways ami tender, poetic
expression OF the sunny South. She viii be
the belle This winter. and will present
charming contrast Ia b'onde points 10 Mrs.
Cleveland ~ they stand In line 10 receive
their fellow cltlzeRs.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02
A Harvard Students Wine.

From the Boston Record.
One of the most absurd instances of iqno-
rant aplDg Of English customs on record
comes from Harvard, where an ambitious
student sent out invitations TO wine" hay-
ing heard, IL is to be supposed, that such fes-
tivlies were the proper thing at English UNI
versities. and RECALLED his guests solely and
uniquely upon iced sherry. Certain com
ments, however, were brought to his kpowI-
edge which seem to have awakened in his
brea.t q doubt whether he had compasse
the heights of the possibilities open
to him in this line. and once
more be issued cards for wine" Thirty
guests had assembled, and on this occasion
the cheer consisted entirely OF brandy. De-
termined to do his full duty as host at ALI
hazards. the ambitious student began with
great elaboration drinking with each guest
separately. SO far below the nobility OF his
intentions. however. was the strength of his
wits, that before he got half way round the
circle he so far confused his swine" with A
torch light procession that he poured a glass
of brandy upon hs hair and set u on fire !
The party al once resolved itself into an anna
teur fire brigade, with some difficulty oxtin-
guished the host, put him to bed, and sent for
a doctor. The incident, despite its brilliant
nature and the originality IL displayed, cast a
gloom over the festivities, and the company
dispersed with very little regard to the order
of going.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02
BRIGHT BITS.

AN exchange says: "The average man gets
enough of prohibition lectures at home"
That's the reason, probably, that he takes SO
much license away from home.-BOston PCst.
WE have forgotten the poets name who
wrote, This way still. unceasing, ever tired,
do they wind" But we have an idea that he
must have at some time seen man with a
Waterbury watch.-Ns1o HG0eN Neaos.
FRIEND ito young artist)-Isn't your shirt
little ragged, Charley?
Young Artist-pm afraid it is.
Friend-Well, why don't you change it?
Young Artist-Because the other one is
ragged, toO.-Nea0 York Sun.
ONE boy IN Sprin gheld, Mass. is so bright
that he has got into the newspapers. The
brightness consisted In asking mis- school
teacher how far procession OF the Presidents
OF the United states would reach II they were
placed in a row. When she gave it up he an
swered: From Washington to Cleveland."-
EpchGnGe.
A NOVELIST makes his heroine throw $780,
900 of her own money into the sea so as to re-
lieve her lover of the suspicion of being mer-
cenary. She should have given the money to
her lover to start paper Intended to I'll a
long felt want. She would have lost 1T just
the same and it would have been little more
natural.--Nele Ha0en Neacs,
MANAGER--What is the meaning of this
item for hardware, S50.r in your expense
account?
TRAY cling Man-Let me see. Hardware
hardware. Oh, yes; that is for poker.
thought it better to tone it down little bv
generalizing. 1t isn't wei to be loo specific
about some things.-Pins6urg DsSDdtch.
IRATE PARENT-"well, sir, when was a
young man | never squandered my fathers
money in such scandalous way as you are
doing.
Son twho knows his fathers weakness for
cards)-No, perhaps not; but you have been
making up for it by sQuandering my fathers
money at furious rate ever since you were
young man.-Ram6leT.
A WALK into the woods Just now is q ram
BILE into realm of bronzed beauty. And
when young fellow happens to see a pretty
girl laden with autumn leaves WALKING to-
ward the outrageous shade in which he is
resting and smoking a1d enjoying the deli
cious golden tinted scene, he can easily shin
up a tree out OF danger and defy her to follow
him.-fGU Rjger 4 dUdncs.
LUCRE VS.. LOVE-
II RndsOme, dashlng,
MAIDEN smashing,
Youth, int lgent and smart,
WOoes sweet Mary.
Sprghtly fairy,
Wins the pretty maiden's heart.
But, poor fellow,
sinners yellow
He has none. nor house, nor land,
silly noodle.
Lots OF Doodle.
Wins the pretty maiden's hand.
-BOStoR Courier.
YES, the Lord has sorter seemed to smile
on me this year." said the deacon. as he stuck
the corncutter into the fence. "A big apple
crop-heaps of 'taters-fne yield of wheat
and oats-Dig hay crop, and corn A No. l.
Yes, feel as II / had been blessed" Just
then the deacon's boy came from the house
and whispered something in the old mans
ear. 1.-TWO dollars for pair OF shoes ~
shouted the deacon, as he raised his head.
ny on tell your mother she can't have no two
dollar shoes. Wen be Lucky If we gil through
without having as4Il
the bosses TO buy meat and hour."- Wal
Street NetoS.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

from the B06tO1l Post Denl.)
AS Is well known, the South, before the
war, was opposed to the principle Of protec-
ton because it was principally an agricultu-
raj region. It's only manufactures were Of
cotton yarns and cloth, which the natural re-
sources of the section developed. Since the
war, however, there has been given great
impetus TO the production of iron and other
articles, and to a diversity Of labor, and
naturally there has grown a greater leaning
towards this doctrine by those who think that
government is the Hercules to lift them along,
and high protecuonists look to the South for
growing influence in their favor. Now, let
u see who 1t is that desires this stimuli us to its
Infant manufactures" Is il the laborer, that
ast mass of ignorant and depressed COL
ored people, of whom Mr.. Blame talks 30
much? No. at all. 1t is the capitalist class.
II is this, and not the laboring class, who de-
sire the increase OF profits by the taxation of
the tariff. The capitalists do not seek high
protection to enable them to pay higher
wages to their operatives, but TO increase
their own profits and secure their own mo-
nopoly. This is a fair illustration of the
motives of the Northern high protectionist.
IL is protection to capital and not to labor
that he wants; to MAKE the rich richer that
M axes HIM oppose any modification of the
tarln. Do the men who seek TO be elected to
Congress from the North with purpose to
defeat any enlightened LEGISLATION in this
direction imagine that the growth of "infant
manufactures" at the South through high
protection is going to help those older and
ripper ones at the North which a ready suffer
for want of larger markets! This is the most
shallow reasoning.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02
INDEI TONBW ADVERTISEMENTS.

MEETINGs-Planters' Rice Mil Company;
the German American Mutual Loan and
Building 4 soc alton.
SPECIAL NoTIcBs-Dr. Falllgant Resumes
Practice; All Saints Day; DR.. Elliott's Re-
turn: Noiise, william Mcneil; Dr.. R. j.
NUNS Return; DR.. Lanier Resumes Prac-
tlce.
DIAMONDS, WATCHES, Erc.-s. P. Hamil-
to-
LEGAL NoTIoEs-City Marshal's Sale: APP
plicaton to Sell stock; Notice in Admiralty;
Apphcat ton for Divorce.
CHEAP COLUMN ADvERTIsB1ENTs-H Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted: For Rent;
For Sale; Boarders; Personal; Lost; Miscel-
laneous.
FINE GRocERTEs-At Strauss Bros.
AUCTION SALES-A Fine Building Lot. by
C Fl. Dorsett; Elliott Ward Property, by Dan
lei r. Kennedy.
STEAMSHIP sOHEDULE-Ocean steams hip
COMPANY.
observation-disclosures School, Prince
ton, N. J.
SAVANNAH BONDS WANTED-John Elan
nerv Chairman s. F. Commission.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02
Fine Dress Goods

DIAGONALs can be shown in all the fash.
ionable colors-Seal, Brown, Navy Blue. Gar
net, Sapphire ana Myrtle. Care has been taken
to secure trimmings, both IN Valours and
Buttons, to match
RHADA MAS.-An all Wool Suitirg. this
seasons importation, in all colors. We have
both Striped and Plain Vevets to harmonic;
small and large buttons to suit.
HAVANA TH.-Medium weight fab
ric for immediate use in all the new shades:
corresponding colors in novelty Striped Otto.
man Silk or Velyets for trimming; buttons
for same.
MARTELS.-All Silk and Wool Mixtures
Flake effects, eight different styles. These
goods look best when made without trim
ming, being handsome in themselves.
CASHMERES.-EVer fashionable goods. ~
inches wide; Seal, Navy Blue. Garnet. Al
gerie and Myrtle. These Cashm eres wer
bought much below their real value. and we
are offering same at astonishingly low prices.
TRICOTS.-AI Wool, steam finish. We
have these goods in four different qualities
and widths, 81 inches, 3S, 50 and 81 inches
especially adapted for tailor made costumes
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

VFTV
On the very day on W hich one Of the con
domination suits of the Western Indiana Rail
road Company was on trial before Mason Is.
Court, that gentleman seut a messenger to
the Grand Trunk railroad office with de-
mand for free passes for his wife and sister,
law from Chicago to Montreal and return.
The western Indiana railroad IS simply the
terminal corporation of the Grand Trunk,
ana 1t was practically the Grand Trunk
whose interests were being adjudlcated upon
by the gentleman who demanded and received
favor from the said company of the none
tary value OF SIS or 500.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

II the dumb brutes could only compre-
hend the i'm portance of financial support
TO the societies for the prevention of cru
atty to animals, they would rejoice with
Mr.. Henry Bergh, of New York, on ac-
count of his success in gaining the law
suit in VIII oh his society gets nearly $780,
900 from the estate OF the late Mrs. We'll
fon of Waterbury Conn
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02
A New Firm Runs An Old G4me.

From tAe Netc Y0rk Star DfDll
Among he documents most extensively cir
culated by the George-B atne campaign IS
one signed by Edward J. Rowe, who was
quite notorio"s in the 50 me capacity in behalf
~ Blame in 1884 II is the old business, con-
Quoted by the old partners. at the old stand
under new firm name. The firm, then
Blaine & Butler, now seems TO be blaine,
Miller & George,
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

The London press is discussing seri-
ously the French proposition to tax bach.
elors, and strange to say, the bachelor
editors OF that city leave the impression
that they would not be willing to pay a
fartning for the privilege OF enjoying the
state of single blessedness. surely they
are very penurious or very unapprecia-
tive creatures.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

There are two snort lines II railway
which, ii built, would be of incalculable
benefit 10 Savannah and the railroads IN
terested. One is a direct line to Allen
dale. 8. c., or some other poin. on the Port
Royal, South Carolina and Western rail-
way. The other is to Eastman or some
other point on the East Tennessee, Vir-
0rnia and Georgia Railroad
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

It is stated oy Republican correspon-
dent at Washington that the President
was assessed $500 by the New York Dem
ocrstic Campaign Committee aud that he
paid the money, and now they want him
70 remove himself for offensive partisan
snip. 1.-THE story is true, this is probably
one OF the least offensive things the Pres
Ideut has done, from Republican poin
Of view.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

II is stated that son Of Judge Hoar,
Of Massachusetts, has openly announced
himself Mugwump, and Will vote TO.
day for Andrews, the Democratic caudi-
dato for Governor OF that state. The
Boston Herald Is cruel enough 10 remind
the truly loyal Hoar family that the elder
Hoars themselves were Mugwumps in
their younger days, the original Massa-
chuseetts Mngwumps being the Wings
who deserted their party 40 years ago.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

While there are great many people
who do not doubt that Rev. Sam Smalps
religion is pure gold, they are sorry that
he didn't try tn get along awhile longer
with a nickel-plated watch, or like
Brother Sam Jones, take squirt at TIL
sun when he wants to know the time o.
day, instead of buying a gold repeater on
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02
Rentnn's Rrntest

The little auburn-baired United States
District Attorney, Macenas E. Benton, OF
Missouri, whom the President suspended
a day or two ago for violating the order
prohibiting office holders from taking an
active part in politics, promises to give
the administration some trouble. He
doesn't propose to submit to being pun
ished for working for his party without
protest. He has already enlisted the
Missouri Senators in his interest, and
they have made a plea in his behalf. If
MIR. b -nton is not restored to his place
the Missouri Senators will lead an assault
on the Presidents policy with respect to
office holders, aud they may have consid-
cradle assistance,
The only thing for the President to do is
to stand firm and keep his back bone stiff.
If he weakens in the Benton case he
might as well withdraw his order alto
gether. Mr.. Benton is about forty years
old, and is pretty good stump speaker
He is probably fair lawyer, but he
no doubt cares more for politics than
law. He was anxious for an Office for
long time before he got one. Mr.. Cleve-
land gratifed him in that respect and he
ought to have respected Mr.. Cleveland's
wishes. II be loses his office be will have
it impressed upon him that it is always
best tor an officer to obey the order OF his
superior.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

The Mormons nave acted shrewd In
changing their port OF import for dupli-
cate and trlplicate wives from New York
TO Philadelphia, as a great many lone
bachelors had learned that Castle Garden
was great place TO go to for wives after
they had failed to find better halves OF
American nativity. However, the same
trouble may soon be encountered at the
Civ of Brotherly Love,
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02
CURRENT COMMENT.
Great sncritices for Nothing.

From the PAil1delDbfI Ledger (IHd.)
Statu quo ante belum Is the position Tor all
the strikes, s'rikers and shut-Gowners. Great
nations have to come to that after they have
slaughtered their hundred thousands, and
wasted heir III iusauds Of millions Of money.
why not get into the same position without
war or any war sacrifices?
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

It is stated that betting is even that
Massachusetts will elect the Democratic
candidate for Governor to-day. A Demo-
cratic victory in the Bay State at this
time would be aparalyzing blow to Radi-
calism
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

The wealthy Hebrew landlord at San
Antonio, Tex, who evicted his non-Paying
tenant by burning the house, is having a
chance to learn something about law, as
well as common sense. The quickest
way OF accomplishing an object is not al
ways the besf, and sometimes it proves to
be anything but the quickest.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

The Taylor brothers returned to their
home in Jonesboro, Tenn. Saturday, hav-
ing concluded their campaign, and they
were welcomed by several thousand
neighbors, great many of whom were
much the worse of Tor the over Indulg-
ence in ardent spirits. There was great
opportunity for a temperance speech or
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

The approach OF the Russian ironclads
seems to weaken the courage of the Bull
garsns. but they will be pretty apt to be
themselves again as soon as some of the
anti-Russian powers show that they pro-
pose to do something Decides protest
against the Russianizati0n Of Bulgaria.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

The chmond Knights OF Labor are to
be congratulated on the withdrawal Of
their Congressional candidate and the de-
termination no longer to be the cats paws
of the Repu blicans.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

The great hunters are In a snarl about
the biggest moose ever kiiied IN Name.
The evidence 50 lar BROUGHT forward
seems to show that Capt. A. 4. Clay, Of
Pennsylvania, is entitled to the prize, he
having KILLED a bull moose two years ago
that stood feet 10 inches high, Or 2OJs
hands. horse measure.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

An exchange suggests that IL Mr..
Henry George wants to begin dividing out
the land be had better settle in Louisiana
where be can get thousand acres free on
certain easy conditions. Mr.. George
doesn't want to 90 away down there for
his share. He would just as leave take a
thousand acres on Broadway, New York,
where the land Ia worth several thousand
dollars foot. He is doubtless not so
very anxious TO divide out that 10c. an
acre land.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-11-02

With the Columbus and Western rail-
road com pleted to Birmingham, Ala, Sa-
yaunah will be what Norfolk has become,
viz: an important coal shipping port.
Special freight steamers, which can also
be used for cotton when necessary, will
doubtless be built to carry coal aud iron
frcm Savannah to Northern ports, and if
the grain OF the West is turned this
way IN the winter, when Northern routes
are closed, there will be large addition
to our foreign steam TONNAGE.