Daily Republican., 1886-02-03
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

The unheard defense was lately set up
by young man who was sued for n
breach Of promise Of marriage, that he
broke of the engagement because the
young lady WAS deficient In CONVEX
sational DO wers, He couldn't make the
Jury, who were ell married men, swal
low any such non sense, and they mulct
sd him in q verdict Of o thousand dol
lars.
One OF the witnesses In the case
Of the State vs. Rhodes DAnforth,
said that Dsnforth thought all the girls
were mashed" on him. "He's Q sort
Of dude, them" queried the xamining
lawyer. "No, SIR" was the reply; "a
dude 10 o fellow who 10 mashed on
himself" The aptness OF the de6ni.
ton caused smile that Was almost
audible.
Two young men the other day were
heard commenting upon girl who was
attracting favorable attention. I" Yes,
very pretty" said one, but entirely
spoiled by that terrible hat trimmed
with gibletsi" The head covering thus
alluded to was decorated with an ar
raBgement Of q birds head, ieathered
neck and claws.
al. ,,,....s.sS 80. ts,in.....
~. 1IST m; nv W. ,nnns. a. r. saS
49, ~ an1 ~, =; - ao s:.
asesd pa, "n.Sr. ~, IA M w. - Ill
49, ~ .on nm. =, ~ ,o"dsy an, ..n Sra- .,
it out to morrow, II you give sixty days
notice"
IA. uaea thu. bird nm tho r,,.r
linn n NJ tina, ,rse Carrie ., Sha at,sr
yainIv ,ooLins in the di,sc,,or ;nd;cs
ted. twin. Cha,iev r csn', .ea ~ .
IA: nCan't ace n Thai. fnrnv
H. n. rIs,n a. The no.a On ron, saoo Z:
And that is why they do not speak
now rs they pass by.
ayou ,avar sa w arcb n harrv 10, ~
peopIe a. va had here yesterdsv !"
said Iandladv in Indian. n = vel
arrived euest /: There were thirtes1
sonries 81 ,h.,, :" "wno,' ,hi..
couples Just married 2" "Oh, no, sir
thirteen couples Just divorced"
vonng Iadv engaoed IN ma m.ria
hut ss,,irs sict ~ ne harsaSr ana,;.a
70 \ fr,snd 70 hahn her nntis tha Enot
before H. ras too iate. ooh. oartsinIv !"
he replied. /" It's very easy 70 unite 10
NOW, while IL 10 only beau knot"
yery Iika-"Hov like its father it
Ia 4" eYclaimed the mira, on tina occ.'
aim ~ ,ha oh ristsnins M a h.nv vhnss
father was over sevansy and "a ma
ried youog wife. Very like" 10
piled . satiricai lady. at hasn't q
tooth In its head"
EXCHANGE ~ comnlimar,s-F,rs,
lady. 70 bosom friend That drsss
suita Won admirahiv What a pitx the
material Is 30 common !" Second iady:
" True. And yours is a splendid ma
terial You must be sorry it does NOT iii
you better %
A wife was epioined nv tbs doctor N
give hsr busSan1 All ,ho ds .uo Si TO !"
should procure, As there was NO proe-
poet Of his recovery. Said the loving
spouse: sThen what's the use of wat
ing dainty bits upon him, II they won't
cure him?"
"I.u .ao.,, r.. .eo.,p.
young lady OF powerful lungs and An.
gers to match, "a she exercised both At
the piano. II should think Won we're"
erowled an old bachelor, "judging from
the 90 uall you raise"
An old lady with a large family. liv.
ing near q river, was asked II abe did
not live In constant dread that some az
her children would be drowned. "Ob
no, 4" she replied; 1--WE have oniy lost
three or fo1,r a. that wavn
"why did you leave your last place?''
inquired q young housek keeper aSout To
engage o new servant. Why. Won
SEQ ma'am, I was too good looking
and when opened the door folks took
me for the missus.
A young lady In conversation with n
gentleman, spoke of having resided in
st. Louis. twas 81. Louis your native
placer" asked the gentleman. "Well.
yes, part OF the time" responded the
lady.
A married couple were passing n
jewelers. shop the other dav. Her at
tention was attracted by q !" perfectly
iovely pair OF earrings. Said abe,
o. Neo, 60 buy 'em !" And Ned
went Dy 'em.
Papa: "And pray, sir, wha. do Won
intend 10 settle ON nv daughter. and
how do you mean to live" Intended:
intend, Sir. to settle myself on your
daughter, and 70 live on you"
"Why do they call the people TINT
live In some of The Sonth Sac Tsiands
canntbals ?" Because they live on
other people" "Then my sons-in-
law must be cannibals, for they live on
me-"
A naragraDh In a M;lwa,,,a.
reads: "A thunderstorm made Beran-
ger q poet, mothers kiss made West
q painter, and salary OF four dollars
q week makes us q journalist.
G,r,s vbo v,.h =. h.uos,,
shaped mouths should repeat at fre.
quent intervals during the day, "Fapny
Finch fried FIVE foundering fish for
Francis Fowlsr's father"
A Saratoga helia who .,x ,o,.h.