Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-09-09
A BRIGHT IDEA.
How an Arkansaw Senator Secured Good
Dinner.
Arkansas Traveller

Arkansas Traveller.
tits only about twice a year" remark
ed State Senator William E. Mason the
other day, to reported, ''that I'm smart
enough to fool my wife. Last Monday
played trick that ought to serve as a
capital suggestion for other husbands to
conduct operations on. Along about 4
o'clock in the afternoon l began to eet
faint and hungry; had been working
hard all day and was as famished and
as tagged as hunted wolf. AsI sat in
my office chair wondering what was 90
ing to find for dinner when I got home
an entirely new and marvelousIy brilliant
idea flashed upon me. It broke up NV
intellect much as a stray plank dances be-
fore the vision Of a drowning man. 1t
made my mouth fairly water as it deyel-
oped details in my greedy brain. Imade
a bee line for the telephone and called the
central Office.
'''Giye me No. $685. said I, and then [
chuckled all over and my mouth kept on
watering.
"Burr-r went the telephone. I put nv
mouth to the funnel and in shrill, false
voice asked:
els that Senator Mason's house?'
EYES, came the answer, and l recog-
nized my wife at the other end of the
wire.
"'Is the senator at homer asked in
the same feminine voice.
Ono was the answer.
"'Well, then, is Mrs. Mason there? in
CURED,
"'Yes, I am Mrs. Mason,' was the re-
ply.
"'Oh, is that your cried; how do you
do?'
"'Why, how do you do?' responded my
wife, but | knew by her tones that she
hadn't the remotest idea who she was
talking to.
Glow are all the children?' I quietly
asked.
"'They are all very well, thank you,'
said my wife.
"'Well,' said I, L happened to be in
town shopping to-day and [ thought I'd
come over to your house to dinner said
''Well, that sort of staggered my wife.
She finally mustered up voice enough to
ask:
"'Who are your
"Then I answered:
"'Why, don't you recognize the voice?
I'm Mrs. Myayah.'
''I don't catch the name-speak loud
En- she pleaded.
"'Mrs. Mya-yahn I repeated, and with
that III order to prelude all embarrassing
shut off the telephone as
tight as / could. Then threw myself in
a chair and laughed till [ like to went into
apoplexy. Laugh? Well, you ought to
have seen the plastering fall around me!
But, to make long stony short, [ reach
ed home about 6:45 and of all the dinners
ever clapped eyes on-gOsh? it was
banquet! Wife had her new black silk dress
on, and she had slicked the children up
SO [ could hardly identify them.
81 think we'd better wait dinner for a
WHILE said my wife.
"'Why so? | asked Bless you, I'm as
hungry as an alligator
'Then my wife told me she was expect
ing lady guest, and she repeated the de-
tails Of the telephone in the afternoon.
It was terrible ordeal, but managed to
look innocent, and of course wondered
who the lady could be.
Indeed don't know she sa id, but
her voice was strangely familiar. I've
been puzzling myself to death trying to
guess who it was
'Well, we waited fifteen minutes and
then we sat down to the banquet-and a
royal feast it was. We had soup and fish
and big roast, and about a dozen little
side dishes and wife sent out and bought
a gallon of pink ice-cream and frosted
cake for dinner. [ stood it just as long
as could. When 1t came to the thick
ice-cream [ couldn't stand it any longer.
AS was slicing it off [ looked at wife
kind of sideways ane said in a falsetto
voice:
"'My dear, I'm sorry Mrs. Myayah did
not come
'Wife dropped her Dresden china cup
as if she'd been paralzed.
civilian E. Mason-you bruter she
gasped.
''The children enjoyed the joke as much
as [ did-yes, and wife, too, got to laugh
ing about it after while. Our boy Louis
said:
"'Do it again, pa; it's mighty jolly to
have a big dinner once in awhile
"But look here, you reporter; you aren't
taking notes on me. Come, come, now,
that's not right; you must not tell the
story on me. Put it on somebody else
put it on Bill Campbell"
Wouldn't Risk 1t.
Philadelphia Call.
I very religious old darky brought ten
III