The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1886-04-22
FUN.

"A bank cashier seldom goes Off until he ID
loaded, and then he makes no report.
Never borrow trouble. The interest you have
10 pay Tor the accommodation is excessive.
Yes, sam Jones is undoubtedly correct The
devil Is gentleman. but he differs from some other
gentlement we wot of. He has q coyen foot instead
of a cioven breath,
I've run piece of wood under my finger nailr
said an old married man 20 his wife. An - She
sneered, you must have been scratching, YOUR
head"
- Columbia Spectator One of our professors re-
Gently created considerable erriment at his lecture
by suddenly exclamng, " Wont some one please
shut of that heat? It's hotter here than-a-I ever
knew it -
Two Louisville citizens meet Well. old man.
sorry to hear of your brothers death" Yes il is
great blow to ALL" - 1t must be; what was the
trouble?" "Oh, he died a natural death.r - Did,
hey; whisky or - whisky"
New York Times: Florida hotel proprietor to
steward)-lias that alligator ordered yesterday got
here yet? Steyard-No, sir. Proprietor (angrily)-
Wei, this Is little too much, and Il batch Of
Northern invalids just arrived. You will have to
scratch stewed terrapin OFT the bill of fare.
Things one would rather have left unsaid-
IoIniinson: GOod-by, Miss EleanoTa - Miss
Elcanora: But you've already said good-ty to me
MT. oniinson. Tomiinson (who is always ready
with some pretty speech: Have |. really? Well,
one can say pleasant thing too often You knowi
The embarTassincnts of illustrated iouru1lisrr
only two remedies in her medicine chest-a cathar-
tic and an emetic-bOth well enough in their way
but Tor the life of me- she said Il never could
tell which was which until 1 tried 'em ~
"A discussion is going in Boston "a TO who Ia
TIE OiCeSt nVlHg member of the Masonic fraternity
in New England. If the parties engaged in the dis
cission will exercise little patience in q week or
two they may see his death announced in ths
papers. He dies about a week.
New York Times: A traveller in Western Iowa
noticing the wall of the parlOr of the hotel the
legend, lei Ton parle rancais," said to the pro-
prietor: Do you speak French?" "Frenche 10
United States is good nougb fer me-" Then why
do you keep that legend on the waIo That means
French i spoken here" Is that soo" Ger
taialy." We'll, I'm haf-breed froIu up The Mis-
sOury if feiier with wart Oh his nose didn't sell
me that for Latin motto: . God Bless our Home
- Detroit Free Press: II want 10 make a square
business proposition TO you. said stranger 10 the
occupant of an Office on GrSWOd street the other
day. IN hear it, sir" Il am heir to at least
S3O,OJO,OJ0, and Til sell" Are you one of the
Lawrence-Townley c!limants?" Il am NV
family runs back TO the Crusaders As was say
ing. being temporarily hard up, I'll sacrifiee-"
No use-nO uSei" Bot I'll take $40 for my
Chance" No use, sir One of the heirs who il
good for SfJo00000 was in here yesterday and sold
me his claim for s., and don't care to invest any
further. I've only got about 20 years TO live and
can't possibly spend that Si50JOGOO. Good day
sir. lou might go across to the tailor shop and
try him. / guess he's the only man Oh the Street
who hasn't bought one of the claims"