Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-03-17

get some queer propositions from
those who have queer ideas about the
operation of the literary machine
There is prevailing idea among those
who have never dabbled in Literature
very much, that the divine afflatu,
works good deal like corn shelter
This is erroneous.
To put a bushel Of words inte the
hopper and have them come out &
poem or sermon is more compli
Gated process than it would seem tC
the casual observer.
l can hardly be called literary
though l admit that my tastes liz
in that direction, and yet | have
had some singular experience il
that line. For instance, last year
received flattering overtures from
three young men who wanted me tC
write speeches for them to deliver OIL
the Fourth of July. They could dC
it themselves but hadn't time. If
would write the speeches they woulC
be willing to revise them. They seem
ed to think it would be good idea t.
write the speeches little longer thar
necessary and then the poorer part
Of the effort could be cut out. Va
rious prices were set on these effort
from dollar to the "kindest regards.
People who have squeezed through
one of our adult winters in this lati
tude, subsisting on kind regards, vii
please communicate with the writer
stating how they like it.
One gentleman who was in the con
tectionery business, wanted lot o
humorous notices wrote for to pu
in conversation candy" 1t was /
big temptation to write somethin,
that would be in everybody's mouth
but l refraincd. Writing gum drol
epitaphs may properly belong to th'
domain of literature, but / doubt it
Surely, do not want to be haught,
and above my business, but it seem
to me that this is irrelevant.
Another man wanted me to write
"piece for his by to speak," and i
| would do SO, | could come to hi
house some Saturday night and sta,
over Sunday. He said that the boy
was "a perfect little case to carry oil
and folks didn't know whether h'
would develop into coddemb fool oI
youmerist." So he wanted a piec,
of one of them tomfoolery kind fol-
the little cuss to speak the last day o
school.
A coal dealer who had risen to af
auence by selling coal to the poor by
apothecaries' weight, wrote to ask mt
for design to be used as family
crest and a motto to emblazon OH hi!
arms. told him had run out O
crests, but that weight for tn,
wagon, we'll all take a ride" woult
be a good motto; or he might use the
following: "The fuel and his money
are soon parted" He might en-
blazon this on his arms, or tattoo i
on any other part of his system where
he thought it would be becoming tt
his complexion. / never heard from
him again and do not know whether
he was offended or not.
Two young men in Massachusett,
wrote me letter in which they sale
they "had good thing on mother.
They wanted it written up in ia
cetious vein. They said that theil
father had been on the coast few
weeks before, engaged in the ceiling
industry. Being good man, bu
partially full, he had mingled him
self with the flowing tide and hao
got drowned. Finally, after severa
days. the neighbors came in sadly anC
told the old lady that they had fount
all that was mortal of james, ant
there were two eels in his remains
They asked for futher instructions a
to deceased. The sly old lady swab
bed out her weeping eyes, braced her
self against the sink and told tn
men to "bring in the eels and set hin
again"
The boys thought if this could b
properly written up, cit would be
mighty good joke on MOTHER wa
greatly shocked when received thi
letter. 1t seemed to me heartless 70
young men to speak lightly of thei
widowed mothers great woe. wrot
them how l felt about it and rebuke,
them severely for treating their moth
er's grief so lightly. Also for tryinl
to impose upon me with an old chest
nut.-Bill Nye.