The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-01-28

AND IL 5, on, TO be calm,
In the rcstful mud to Turk,
Where American humor never comes,
If this be Christian work.
Jokes of the sealskin sacquc:
Jokes of Chicago feet;
Jokes of my dear old mother in-law;
Jokes of clearinghouse meat,
Jokes of the iCe-cream girl:
And likewise of Thomas Cats:
What are my wages! The measy cry,
"Chestnut! or even "Rats!
st, Louis Globe democrat.
AN AMERICAN CoNGREssMAN.&
From the Cook.
We gave him Sauterne with his soup;
He slipped, not drained, the wine.
He was congressman of note
That we had asked to dine.
We gave him next Chateau Latilte;
He swallowed half glass
And then we tried the Creme de Tee--
He let the bottle pass
What could we do with man like this:
We served the chilled champagne,
Mumm's extra dry, drink to stir
His democratic brain.
He drank and said: ''rhese wines, no doubt,
Are perfect of their kind
But whisky, to my simple taste,
Is worth them all combined
Smith Ety. Jr.
When is the thermometer dressed?
When it puts on its fourblows.- Courier
journal.
Very few plumbers charge for the holes
they make in the bathroom carpet with
hot solder.-CourierJ ournal.
The man who does not believe that two
heads are better than one is the father of
new twins.-Texas Siftings.
Parnell is bachelor, and favors home
rule. Gladstone is married. and, of
course, does not favor it. That seems
natural.
Snow has fallen in Rome. This is said
to be an unusual occurrence, yet there is
snow place like Rome. Ono bricks y
Philadelphia Call.
A scientific man says he never saw a
bald Indian. The Indians, from time i'm
memorial, have understood how to man
age their wives Burlington Free Pres.
In Washington; "Mr. Congressman,
allow me to introduce my son William. |
believe the paper said this was the day for
the introduction of Bills" Courier our
nal
"AnEexchange asks: "What is hostile fur
niture?" Don't know, unless it is armed
charlottesville Argus. A goldplated
harness comes pretty near being boss
style furniture Marathon Independent.
you are awfully pale" said Esmeralda
Longcoffn to Birdie McGinnis "Yes,
know l am pale, but my paleness is
iral 1t comes from dyspepsia, but
get your paleness by the box from
the drug store."-Texas Siftings.
A Cleveland man has been thrown out
of bed by ''invisible hands" AS the man
is unmarried there is possibly some truth
in the story. But perhaps it was only
cold current of air from the bathroom
that struck him. ourier-J ournal.
New Jersey is excited over a ghost that
climbs lightning rods and kisses the wo-
men. The excitement must be very great,
indeed, when women will make one climb
a lightning rod after such little thing as
a kiss.-Lowell Citizen.
1t is stated that Russian women talk less
than American women, which seems plausi-
BILE enough. If American women had to
use the Russian language the case would
be vica versa. 1t takes much longer to
pronounce Russian word than an Ameri-
can word Norristown Herald.
SIS there a San Antonio man in this
carr" shouted a passenger on the l. q G.
N. r. R. the other day.
"Yes, am from San Antonio" said
fine looking gentleman, proudly. "What
is wanted?"
"There is man with the jimjams in
the forward car and we want to know
what to do for him."
A prejudiced Judge young Austin
lawyer was appointed to defend negro
who was too poor to hire counsel of his
own. After the jury we're in the box the
young lawyer challenged several of them.
who, his client said, had a prejudice
against him. "Are there any more jury
men who have prejudice against your
whispered the young lawyer. mo, boss,
the jury am all right but want you to
challenge the jedge. has been convicted
under him seberal times, already, and
maybe he is beginnin to have prejudice
agiu me-"
The picture of the chocolate girl, so
long used as an advertisement, is a por-
trait. The girl was Viennese and a
German noble fell in love with and mar
ried her. He had her portrait painted in
the costume she wore when he first met
her, and the picture is now in one of the
royal galleries.
The London lapdogs are not enjoying
life at present. Astrakan coats they have
and complete wardrobe of other coats
matching the gowns of their mistresses,
and they have perfumed baths and sachet
powder in the pillows of their baskets;
but what is all that when the exquisite