News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-01-28
HIS HAT OFF.

stop riding whenever they approaCh
within one hundred yards of team,
and after dismounting reI1ain standing
until the team has passed. This law
may be good one, but it doesn't 90 far
enough. 1t should be amended so as to
compel the bicyclist to take off his hat
and remain uncovered while the driver
of the team is passing him.-N0TriStOa0n
Herald.
NEW ONE
'Charles, " said Mrs. SpendalI, 'T saw
a beautiful costume to-day and should
like it ever so much" "And I should
like you to have it, replied Charles,
"but, really, Clara, l haven't the money
to spare" ''Oh, you great teasel |
know better than that, I saw a brand
new check book in your desk only yes
terday, and not one of the checks had
been used. . Hotel Gazette.
-a-a ror 4FpArD.
"My boy is a great coward in one re-
spect."
''What's that 2"
''He's so much afraid of dogs"
"Well, that's no drawback. In fact,
consider it a good point in his favor"
"How do you make that out ~
"It's not at all likely that he IL de-
velop into book agent. D Chicago
Ledger.
CHEAP CHRISTMAS DINNER.
smith-Fine turkey you've got there,
Brown.
Brown-Yesh.
Smith-About how much did it cost
you?
Brown - T-twenty-four hic) dol
larsh.
Smith-Twenty-four dollars
Brown-Yesh; 1 won 1t (hic) at'r
rattle.
soFTENED BITTERNESS.
Citizen ito country editor)-Your fine
obituary notice of poor Brown was
surprise to me, Shears thought that
you and he were bitter enemies
Country Editor with sigh)-Ah,
yes, we were enemies for a number of
years, but in the face of death, my dear
friend the heart softens. And, besides,
l got 10 cents line for the notice.
EXPERT ADVICE.
els there resident of the State of
New Jersey in this car p" shouted an ex-
cited passenger, poking his head in the
door.
81 am resident of that State, SIR"
replied traveller, Strengthening himself
up. "What can l do for you ?'
"a man in the next car has got de-
lirium tremens. What's best to be
done %
TOUCHING CONFIDENCE.
Young Wife-No matter how late
George comes in he always tells me
where he has spent the evening.
Young Wife's Mother (sarcastically)
Indeed! Where was he last night 2
Young WHEAT his Office, poor fell
low, balancing the books.
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
HE-How lovely Miss Delaney looks;
she reminds nae of an old picture;
restored.
''BoYs, these days, !" remarked news
boy as he picked up the stump of
cigar and pulled away at it, "begin
where grown people leave off,"
"WHAr are the last teeth that Gomez"
asked a teacher of her class in physi-
Ology. "False teeth, num-" replied a
boy who had just walked up on the back
seat.
WE are asked if kissing is proper be-
tween a lady and gentlemen who are
not engaged. Perfectly proper but i'm
possible. A gentleman cannot kiss
lady without being very pleasantly en-
gagged.
NEWSPAPER reporter to President of
''Has your company taken
any steps yet to pay your taxes ?'
''Why, certainly, sir. We have made
two protests against the constitution
ality of the law"
TRAMP (at the back door)-Will you
please give me something to eat Wo-
a thing. Tramp-Nor nuth-
in to drink Woman-Nor nuthin' |
to drink. Tramp-No cast-off clothes
Tramp--Well, would |
you tell poor, unfortunate man what
time it is =?
ooh, Mr. Van Duden," said young
dudine at the opera recently, doesn't /
this music make you surge ?" "Ah, /
yas. I believe it's gwande." 'It is so .
tenderly, wonderfully, exquisitely per-
lGCt, II lIdhCS me wave all ONeI. hlSA
tide, said disgusted listener, and the |
stopped.
GLOW OLD are you 2" asked justice
of the peace of 'Jim" Webster, who
was under arrest for stealing chickens.
81 dunno" said the darkey. "Where
were you born ~ "What am de use OBJ
my tellin' you bout my buffday You
amt gwine to make me no buffday
present."
AT school, the schoolmaster, in a
general exercise, wrote the word
dozen" on the blackboard, and asked
-he pupils to each write sentence con-
aiming the word. He was somewhat
aiken aback to find on one of the pa
oers the following unique sentence: II
lozen know my lesson"
'PA," said Philadelphia lad, "what
S martyr 2' ooh, don't bother me-"
Ma, what is a martyr 2" "Why, my
son, am martyr" ''You martyr"
exclaimed the husband; chow so ?"
''Why this is the third winter l have
worn this bonnet, and I'm married to
nan too mean to buy me another one."