davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
PERSONAL AND lMPERsoNAL.

bonanza Mackay's wealth is esti-
mated at one hundred and eighty mil
lion dollars.
Lucy Hooper says Nine. Patti will
be tempted to America again this win
ter with Yankee dollars.
Many married ladies now prefix
on their Wis ting cards their maiden
names, as, for example, MRS. John Is.
Jones-Smith. No. 1900 Fifth avenue. -
N Y. Graphic.
Senator Jones, of Nevada, is in
luck again, as he has a large interest
in gold mines on Douglas Island,
Alaska, which are yielding him two
hundred and fifty thousand dollars a
year.
Jay Gould says that the demands
on his charity from strangers foot up
an average Of one million dollars per
week. No one asks for less than five
thousand dollars, and the majority
want seventy-fve thousand dollars.
After service of forty-four years
in the navy, Rear Admiral Francis A.
Roe has retired from active duty by
reason of attaining his sixty-second
year. He has, since 1881, been on duty
as Governor of the United States Naval
Asylum.
DR.. H. S. Lucas, Of Chester, the
discoverer of the emery mines there
and the corundum mines in the Blue
Ridge Mountains of North Carolina
and Georgia, has been searching for
more than forty years, beginning in
fact when he was student in the Berk-
shire Medical College at Pittsheld.-
Boston Budqet
Mrs. L. G. White, the prophecies,
on whose published visions, seen in a
trance, the Seventh Day Advent Church
is founded, in her old age has gone to
Eagland. She is said to be woman
OF stern Christian principles and much
ability; and none OF her obedlent dis
cipleS believe in her revelations more
firmly than she does herself -Detroi
Post.
The Gar of Russia has bestowed
upon Alvan Clark, of Cambridge
Mass, the golden honorary medal OF
the Empire, sin acknowledgment o
the excellent performance of the grea
object glass" made by Mr.. Clark for the
chief telescope in the Pulkowa Obsery
atory. The medal is given very rarel.
and only for extraordinary merits
Only one other has been granted by thu
present Emperor.
jim the early days of the war, rcgi
ments used to command their Colonel
to make speeches. The Twenty-frs
Illinois, having been fired by a speecl
from General Logan, who was visitni
their camp, called for "a few remarks
from Colonel Grant. Colonel Grant
, equal to the occasion. rose and said il
tone of command. go to your quar-
ters at once" The regiment went
They realized even then that thei
Colonel was man of few words, bu
! every inch Colonel.-M Y. IRdepeh
dent.
= The average man fails to find on
A wherein lie the fascinations OF til
| female school teacher for his sex. l
r Colorado a new supply of school teacl
G ers is needed every year for the reaso
V that they all get married, and in Cor
necticut they are refusing to engag
them unless they promise to renounC
all love-making during their term wit
the fcrrule. 1t ought to require SON
courage to propose matrimony to
schoolma am, and yet it would seel
y that the number of brave and hero
i men is continually on the increase
s. ~ Y. MercurU
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
"a LITTLE NONSENSE"

The first thing in boot is the last.
Chicago Sun.
The revival of the polka dot sug-
costs to some people that the world OF
fashion is in its dottage.
When the livery man was asked
why he painted Excelsior" over the
door of his stable, he explained that
"Hire" was his motto.
"A minister having some of his old
sermons, was asked what he had in his
package. Dried tongue, was the
reply = Christian Union.
-Carl "Mother, in the milk bucket
a dead mouse was" Mother: "Well,
hast thou it thereout takenPn Carl:
mo; have the cat therein thrown"
The Omnibus.
Sidney Smith said in his vestry, in
referenceto block pavement proposed
to be built around st. Paul's: "All you
have to do, gentlemen, is to put your
hands together and the thing is done. "
First female What business are
you engaged in nowP" Second female
II am book agent" F. F.-"What
have YOU to doP" S. F.-"Nothing
but talk" F. F.-"How delightful"--
Boston Courier.
"A new guide-book mentions that
"the city proper is surrounded by the
] suburbs. !" Guide-books occasionally
stumble on a great truth; but we must
insist on having the news broken gently.
A sudden shock like this may be dam
gerous. NOrriStoDn Herald.
"A Gascon and Provencal were
each extolling the productiveness oil
their native provinces. ''At Bor-
deaux," said the former, ''you drop a
match in a field; next year you will see
a forestr' 'At Marseilles," reioined
the other "you drop brace button; q
week after you have ready-made pail
of ousersr'-AImnnach WuStre.
Dear me, it's raining, Mrs. Ran,
dali. You can't go out in the wet
Won't you stay to tea?" mo, thanks
l must be getting home" We'll
anyway, you must wear my rubbers. ,
mo, thank you, Mrs. Hopkins; it ism =
raining much, and besides l haven
any strings to tic them on with. ,
After the door was closed Mrs. Hop
kins said she wished the mean ole
, thing would catch her death of cold
Philadelphia Call
-"Gentlemen," said a tattere,
! tramp, as he approached a settee il
City Hall Park, which was entirely oc
cupied, Il am very tired. Will one O
f you be kind enough to get up and Civ
{ me a seat?n No one moved; but al
gazed at the impudent nomad with
stony stare. 'Gentlcmcn, pleade
the vagrant, "you have no idea ho,
tired am. | left MONTREAL Sud
y denly the seven men on the settee wit
= one accord jumped up and fled, witt
l out looking around. "Ycs," said tn
tramp, as he stretched himself out 8
full length on The bench, Il left Mon
real when is boy."-M Y. Ind
Deglent
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
A Complete Vindioation.
From the Arkanstw Traveller ]

A fire occurred in an Arkansas
town 1.-The other night, but the chief
of the fire department paid no atten-
lion to the alarm. The next night he
was summoned to appear before the
council.
"Mr. Chief" said the Mayor "did
you hear the fire-alarm last night ?"
"Yes."
"Were you in good health at the
time of the alarm ?"
+ eyes, believe l was"
"Then you acknowledge a willful
neglect Of duty?"
"No, slr."
"Why, then, did you not respond if
you were not determined to neglect
your duty?"
"Couldn't get away"
"Illness in your family"
"No."
"Then, sir, demand the reason"
"Well, you see, a passel of us fell
lows were in Anderson's back-room
when the bell rang. had four aces
at the time, and"-
"What?"
"Yes, held four aces. John Buck
ner becan to bluff, and"-
"How did it result?" the Mayor
asked, with heightened interest.
"Oh, l lifted him for about $780,"
"You don't say so ? Gentlemen, that
was doubtless a very interesting
game. AS there is no business of any
| Importance we'll adjourn and 60
down to Anderson's back-room."
Next morning the daily paper con-
tanned the following notice:
"The enemies of our chief of the
fire department having circulated re-
ports to the effect that he had will.
fully neglected his duty, that gentle.
man was last night summoned before
the City Council to answer tho
charges brought against him. Tn,
Investigation resulted in a complet,
vindication of our worthy chief, ant
friends OH every side pressed forward
to congratulate him. The idler'I
tongue is ever flippant, ard, to oul
shame be it said, we are eyer Willing
to hearken to the works of the ira
ducer Cur worthy chief will be
candidate for reelection, and, as tn
matter now stands, it will be impos
lsible to defeat him."
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
Married by Their Son.
[Des Moines Leader.l

Dtb AOauNAsl
'I have a story for yOu," said a
"I don't mean II yarn or a
joke, but a simple account of fact.
Last week was out in Iowa, and
stopped one night in Ottumwa.
There l became acquainted with a
quiet young man. On his invitation
sat in his room in the evening, and
he told me that he was minister OF
the gospel, and had been ordained a
few weeks before, and he had come TO
Ottumwa to perform the marriage
ceremony for some friends of his. In
fact the ceremony was to take place
that very night in his room. Prct-
ty soon rather elderly couple came
in, shook hands warmly with my
friend, ending by standing up before
him and being married in the usual
form. After a time they left, and my
new friend said to me:
"That l think. is the most peculiar
marriage ceremony a minister ever
performed. l never heard of its
equal, aud never expect to-"
"What do you mean" l said.
'Ill tell YOU" was his reply, "only
you must bear in mind that it is Sc
cret. My father and mother were
pioneers in a county not far from this
city. I was reared on their farm and
finally sent off to school. My parents
are well to do people, church-work-
ers, and are highly respected in the
neighborhood, About two years
ogo my father wrote me a letter il
which he wanted my advice ant
assistance. 10 make the story short
and not to stop to describe the pecu
liar circumstances, can say that my
fathers trouble was that he had nev
er been married 10 the woman whit
passed as his wife. For years the!
had been satisfied with this relation
ship, but at length my mother begal
to worry about it. She wanted TIN
ceremony performed legally. M,
father had no objection, but did no
dare to go to any minister or func
tionary in the neighborhood. Yo,
know what country communitie
are, and what unpleasant talk woul
have followed. Then my father con
suited me, and the result of it was
decision to wait. Two weeks ago
was ordained a minister, and on
plans were then carried out. Th
couple l have just married were m
own father and MOTHER
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
Weather Signals.
Merchant Travcler.l

Merchant IraNcler.J
Shut the door!
1t is no longer popular to kick the
bed clothes of.
Mosquitoes have stopped presenting
their bills.
Perspiration has gone out of style.
The circle has taken the place of
the lawn mower.
Shut the doorp
The garden spade has been knock
ed out by the snow shovel
The storm door is coming to the
front.
The man with the red nose now
blames the weather.
The gate and the moonlight have
now snapped places with the sofa
and the freight.
Shut the door!
Mortgage your salary for sleigh
Take charcoal stove in swimming
with you.
Fans are no longer de riguer.
Shut the doori
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
A Soft Thing.
Texas Siftings.

IeNas Snllng5.l
Two old friends met on the train
between Dallas and Fort Worth. AZ
ter the usual greeting one of them
asked:
"Isn't Sam Sweedlepipes living in
Dallas? ?"
@Is he glazier?" :.
eyes, he is a painter and glazier."
ale is getting rich fast"
"Getting rich fast, is he? Running
a monte bank, l suppose"
"No, he has got better thing than
that"
"City ofiicial?'
'No, he belongs to a fire company,
and when fire breaks out he runs
along and wakes up the people with
stick"
81 don't see how there is any mon
ey to be made in that.
ale wakes people up by tapping
their widows with a stick, and he
manages to break all the panes OF
glass within a mile of the fire, and
the next day lie is called on to put
them in again at so cents apiece. lie
has got soft thing of it. lie hasn't
got a social status, but he is making
more money than if he were an alder.
man."
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
Indian curiositiea.



Somo few weeks ago q party of
sportsmcn left the city for the Indian
reservation. Their collection of shot
belts, powder TASKS and other TASKS
was singularly complete. The party
included Mr.. Taylor, Mr.. Haskell and
three or four other good shots. One
day they were driving along lonely
stretch of prairie in the Cherokee
Nations domain, when they came
upon four posts driven into the
ground, topped by woven mat, on
which lay the body Of dead war
rior.
His beaded moccasins and embroid7
cred leggings, the bow and culver
were not to be resisted.
"See his leggings p said Mr.. Tay-
lor
II do" returned Mr.. Haskell,
knocking the ninth commandment
out of the ring.
"Well ~
"All is fair in war; said Mr.. Has
kell.
Mr.. Taylor Skinned up the pole
while the others stood below and
held the bag. The sportsmen helped
themselves. Mr.. Haskell got the leg
gings and the other trappings went
to the rest of the party. They left
that denuded Indian lying there in
state that would have made we'll
bred marble statue blush and came
back to the city. They were rather
proud of that adventure, and they
told it to their friends-at least Mr..
Taylor told how they had robbed a
dead Cherokee Indian. Mr.. Haskell
told how they had robbed dead
Cherokee chief and his wife, while
the others had il that they had rob-
bed an entire cemetery. Mr. Taylor
told his version to friend who owns
a telegraph operator. This friend
manufactured the following telegram
and had it delivered by messenger
boy;
"CnERoKEE NATION, l. T,-Sacri.
lege discovered. Intense excitement
Indian died of smallpox.
j. SMITH, Agent"
Mr.. Taylor rushed over to Mr. Has
kell.
"Great heavens! What shall w
do?"
"Make our Wills"
"Gct vaccinated!?
There was comfort in this last idea
They were vaccinated, their families
their children and their wives rela
tives were vaccinated. But they ar
not happy, they can't be happy. Per
haps now they will be.
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
Are You Going to Kansas
Missouri, Colorado, Cali
fornia or Any of The
Western States?

If you should avail yourself of the
advantages that are now offered by
the Kansas City Route, the only di-
rect route from the South to. the
West and Northwest. This line runs
its entire trains, with Pullman Palace
Sleeping Cars and free Reclining
Chair Cars, rom Memphis to Kan
sas City, saving many hours time
over any other route. If you are go
ing you will save money by purchas-
ing your tickets via Memphis and the
Kansas City Route. Send for large
map of this short Route; mailed free.
Address,
J.E. LOCKWOOD,
Kansas City, Mo.
Or, II. D. ELS, Ticket Agent,
81 Madison Street, Memphis, Tenn.
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
OIL Golden Southern Noon.

l lwatch'd from my door tonight,
The yellow southern moon,
And thought Of n palcr, colder moon,
When all the moments died too soon,
While we were under her light.
Over your line Of black pine trees
She swings world Of glory,
But never from mid those spectre trees
Cometh the slightest sound Of breeze,
So soft as the old loye-story.
Oh! golden southern moon,
Climbing the dim night-sky,
seem to be under paler moon
Under paler and colder moon
And love is chanting tender tune
To hearts whose hopes must die.
M. V. d
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
One Better.

Hotelkeeper: l have a new idea in
advertising. l am going to advertise
my hotel as the only second-class house
in the State. 1t will be unique.
Drummer: Pshaw, that's old! I'm
travelling for piano whose Trademarks
is THE only piano which did not re.
ceive the First Prize at tho Centennial. "
I'd Bits.
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
The Sleeping Beauty Of Nebraska



Some of our readers undoubtedly
have heard before of the great curl
osity of our neighboring state Nebras-
ka, a sleeping beauty. Miss Mary
Dishner is her name and she lives
some miles north of the city Of Co.
lumbus, on the Union Pacific railroad.
1t is there where she awoke last Sun
day, after devoting seventy days and
nights to what the telegraph calls an
"hystero- -catalyptic trance Sleep"
The roads have been impossible, the
dispatch is good enough to add, and
news of the beauty's awakened could
not, therefore, before be transmitted.
We are further made aware that Miss
Dishner, when she awoke, found her
mind clear and unimpaired; that, as
seems not unnatural, she had good
appetite, and that cher general feel
ings were good" The trifing draw
back that "her arms and legs were
paralyzed" is not dwelt upon, but
merely named, from an obvious per-
suasion that it is of no particular
consequence. Miss Dishner has made
public the singular fact that she was
conscious during the whole period of
her extraordinary trance, but that,
though she strove very hard to let
those around her understand this
she was unable to do so. We are in
formed that she is determined to beat
the record, and that hundred days,
if not a hundred and forty, will con-
stitute the term OF her next nap. This
is to be entered upon as soon as she
RECEIVERS the the use of her arms and
legs, which her physician confidently
asserts will be in very short time
1t is hoped, however, that on the next
exhibition of her singular power, the
sleeping beauty will observe the ira
ditions and be duly awakened at thu
appointed time by a fairy prince
This will be in harmony with thC
t whole of the remarkable phenomen
, on.
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29

"For tho indefinite aches and pains ois norvoua
patonta, ToNoALIFE is superior 70 any other ano-
1yno For Nervous Headache or Muscular llheu-
nAtism, It iB almost specific"
PAnK RITcuIE, M. D.. st. Paul, MINI.
Havo used ToHuALrNE In cases Of Neuralgia
.isadaches with success In almost every instance.
IL strictly Eeuralgic forma II Is unexcelled"
o. d NORTON NJ. d., Cincinnati Ohio.
"ToE1AIrE haa already done good service In two
,Asos VI hAhituAl Headache"
THO. HERMANr. NJ d., st. Thomas. Mo.
RICE ONE DoLLAR'PER BOTTLE.
III WASHINGTON AVENUE, ST, LoUIA
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
VM,wMMeAA

How many terrible aches ones poor head
has, and what suffering is caused by these
headaches. Relief may be had from Nervous,
Neuralgic, or Sick Headache by the use OF
dc>>> n oAa>>o Which is not a cureall, but
SoN9AStSW which ia cure for Nervous
Headache Neuralgia, Rheumatism, sciatica
and Gout. No proprietary medicine has ever
obtained such strong endorsement nom the
medical profession.
FOR SALE BY ALL DRUGGISTS.
a. A. MELLIER, Sole Proprietor. 100 an
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29

Have been using Tongaline, and
am well pleased with its results; it
supersedes all other so-called rhue-
matte remedies. S. c. Worsham, NJ.
d., Marenro, Ills.
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
John Bell
Suit for divorce,
VS..
Mary Bell.

These Bells have again begun to
ring in harmony, 1T is ordered that
this case be dismissed, and that the
sound of "sweet Bells tangled out of
tune, and harsh," be heard in these
halls no more forever.
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
A Rare Order.


From the Bourbon County NeWs.l
The following unique order was
enrolled on the books during the Cir
cult Court last week:
TA1,., Dnll
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian., 1886-01-29
How He Loves Her.
THE Judge.l

THE Judge.
ooh, Henry, dost thon love me still;"
She asks, while doubts beset her.
"lcs, wife, love thee very still
The stiller, still the better"
Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1886-08-06
NOTICE

To all to whom it may concern
after considering the matter l have
concluded that on and after Aug.
Goth, 1886, l Will positively sell
goods only for cash or produce,
believing it to be to the interest
of not only myself but to that of
my customers as l can sell goods
cheaper for cash than any house
that sells on credit and handles
the same class of goods. l request
all those knowing themselves to
be indebted to me to please call in
and settle their'accounts with cash
or by note as [ intend to do away
with bookkeeping. Thanking my
customers for past favors, | soil
cit Continuance of your patron
age believing that l can interest
you in low prices on first class
goods Respectfully,
D. ". WILLIAMSON,
No 16-4w Sperry, Mo.
Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1886-08-06
A Surprise.

Although the clouds of last
Friday morning, hid from view,
the orb which lights our pathway,
and gives us heat, of which we
have had an abundance the past
few weeks. Wagons and buggies
were seen coming from all direc-
tons, and their destination seemed
to be Mr.. B. C. Andrews.
The threatened rain, for which
weary harts have prayed the past
few weeks, seemed not to have de-
tanned any one; but the whole
neighborhood, and many distant
friends left home with good
wishes for the future, and we'll
filed baskets to celebrate the
birthdays of Mr.. and Mrs. An
drews, his being the twenty-ninth
and hers the thirtieth; he having
seen ffty-fve summers of life and
she ffty-one.
The occasion was a surprise to
father and mother, and many
good things had been prepared on
the sly, by their kind daughters,
Belle and Annie.
Eighty four persons did justice
to the bountiful repast, and the
table groaned with the weight of
sixteen cakes.
Age with its silver hair, youth
and sunny joyous childhood, were
all represented.
Dinner being over the scattered
throng was called together by Mr..
Dunnen, who presented some
valuable presents to our friends.
To Mrs. Andrews set of goblets
and pickle dish by Mrs. Ira Har-
Ian and Miss Alice Nicholas; a
table spread by her husband; a
butter dish by Mrs Cowghill; eel
lery dish by Mrs. Annie Andrews;
a china cup and saucer by Miss
Bell Andrews; cage of red birds
by Mr.. Andrews; shaving cup
to Mr.. Andrews by Belle.
Music was next in order; after
which several speeches and reci-
tations were rendered for the en-
tertainment of those assembled.
Speeches by Messrs Wright, J. B.
and H. S. Dodson, recitations by
Mr.. n. Hayward and Misses Ida
Heron, Minnie Wright, and Josie
Belle. After several more excel
lent pieces of music, the crowd
dispersed, and each went their
homeward way saying twas good
to have been there; and wishing
another such happy party might
be called together the thirtieth OF
July next year. c..
Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1886-08-06
Willard Chips.

Hot.
We are needing rain badly,
Roads are very dusty.
The corn in this section is look
ing well Notwithstanding the ex-
IRENE drouth.
A colt belonging to Mr.. Aleek
Denniston was gored so badly
last week by cow that it had to
be killed.
DIR. Saunders and Mr.. Kirtley
Went to Kirksville last Thurs
day.
Mr.. Barker resigned his posi-
ton as agent for the Wabash
rail road at this place last Satur-
day. Mr.. West of Moulton Iowa
is his successor.
The Rail road company is
building new stock yards at this
place.
W. +. klrtley, Druggist, has
built new awning in front of his
store, which improves its looks
wonderfully. His fashy bulletin
boards together with the new
awning makes his place the most
attractive in Willard. He is also
about to get patent on medi-
cine compound.
A. young gentleman swindled
Sells Bros. bill posters7out of two
tickets by representing himself as
owner of a building on which they
were posting bills the other day
at this place.
An Ice Cream supper was giver
at the residence of Mr.. Deaton, il
honor of Miss Della Garrett o.
Kirksville, Monday night.
Mr.. Barker left Wednesday
morning for home where he vii
visit a few days after which hi
will start for the far west Will
best wishes of large circle o.
friends. Q. S.
Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1886-08-06
AGENTS
WANTED
For the Great New Book,
THE WORLDS WONDERS,
By J. w. BUEL.

The most successful subscription book ever
published Over half million copies were
sold the past eight months, and il is selling
three times as fast now as ever before. Regu-
lar canvassers clear from SIS, to %, $40 and
S50per day. Nothing like it was ever known
in the history of book publishing. Proofs
sent free on application. No experience
needed to insure success. We help persons
without means TO do large business; no
capital needed. Write for particulars. Sal
aries guaranteed to persons who do not wish
to canvass on commission. We mean bust
ness, and want live gents in every township.
1t will cost you nothing to write for terms
and full descriptions of our pans of doing
business We also give away standard books
to persons who send US names of book agents.
Write for our list of free standard books.
HISTORICAL PUBLISHING Co.,
100 & All n. TLird st. ST. Louis. Mo.
Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1886-08-06
Advertised Letters.

y
List of letters remaining in the
post Office, Kirksville, Mo-, and
advertised July 81, 1886.
PlEties calling for above letters
pleane say ADVERTISED.
G. I. SPENCER, P. M.
Bell, Mrs. Elizabeth.
Brown Miss Jane. Clark Henry r.
Condy, B. @. Eytcheson Isaac.
Hensley, Samuel G.
Karhney, Miss Mary.
McClintock Miss Mary e.
Newton j. w. Ryon Daniel,
Smith, Oscar r. Todd, Miss Bertha.