The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-03-12

RANDOM CLIPPINGS.

CHI IL, 1886.
RANDOM CLIPPINGS.
Some parents do very wrong TO keep
their boys in knickcrbockers and long
stockings until they are nearly as tall
as grown people. Take slim youth,
for instance. with a small leg, and abb
normally large feet, on Which are
heavy shoes covered by Arctic over
shoes. Fancy his feelings when some
other boy yells out! II say, gumboats,
where are you going with those
straws.-Pcck's Sun.
Infidels and atheists who ridicule the
Bible practice its preccpts in whatever
moral enterprises they engage in or ad-
vocate. They enjoy the golden fruit
of civilization thrashed down to them
without thankfulncss to the Giver or
acknowledging any sense the source of
their obligation.-CAicago Inter Ocean.
Druggists advertise the elixir de
Milan" and say that Nine. Patti uses
it to make her voice brilliant and clear.
As she has been offered an engagement
in Brazil at $4,000 per night, she will
probably try Elixir dc Brazil. -Peck's
Sun.
A Cleveland speculator sent his son
to Wisconsin to buy hops, telling him
to keep his eyes open for any other
speculation. After a few days de-
spatch came, saying:" A widow has got
a corner on the hop market Of this
state. Shall marry her?' "Certain-
ly." was the reply sent over the wires.
Twelve hours later the son announced:
''Got the hops, the widow and seven
step children, and shall go to Chicago
tomorrow to see about q divorce.-
Wall Street News.
The 'fying start" is a subject upon
which bicycle riders are all Interested,
and there seems to be considerable diff
ference of opinion about it. There
have been too many flying starts toward
Canada of late years to suit the general
public.-Pcck's Sun.
Deacon Pillar says that Parson Proof
text breaches as fine sermon rs ever
he heard. So logical, he says, and so
broad. Fogg admits that Prooftcxt's
discourscs are perfect in reasoning, and
recognizes their breadth; indeed he
goes further. and says that they arc
well proportioncd; that is to say, that
they are as long as they are broad
Boston Transcript.
DR.. Burchard, who, alliteratiyely il
not literally, turned several hundred
Blaine votes Clevelandward with his
three RS, has been elected president of
Rutgers Female College. He was care
full not to make any speeches during this
campaign. Let us hope he has got in-
to his rut at last.-Eeck's Sun.
An editor is man whose biziness it
is to investigate nuspapcr. He writes
editorials, grinds out poetry, inserts
deaths and weddings, sorts manuscript,
keeps a waste basket, blows up the
DEVIL steals matter, fights out other
peoples battles; sells his paper for a
dollar and fifty cents year, takes
white beans and apple sass for pay
when he can get it, raises large FAM
ily, works nineteen hours out of twenty
four. noze no Sunday, gets damned BY
everybody, lives poor. dies middle aged,
and often broken hearted, leaves NO
mummy, is rewarded for life of toll by
short but free obituary puff in the op.
position nuspaper.--Josh billings.
Barney Card has been arrested al
Warsaw, Indiana, on charge of forg.
ing notes to the amount of $50, 600. H.
thought for time that he was the
highest card in the deal, but the ''jokcr''
was out, and now he is not even nine
spot.-Pcch;'s Sun.
A sad accident is said to have occur
red at Wallingford, Conn.,, recently.
A colorcd woman had occasion to leave
home for half an hour or so, and put
her baby in an oven to keep the little
plccanniny warm, the fire being nearly
out. The husband came in while she
was absent, and not knowing where
the baby was, built u hot fire. Wife
saw the smoke, hurried back-too late
dark despair! 1t is the greatest won.
der in the world that some enterprisine
daily has not headlined the tragedy, in
large type, "Roast Coon!'' etc. -Peck's
Sun.
A dealer in sporting goods got stuck
on an extra large lot of high rubber
boots. and thought he saw way Out
Of the difficulty, so he advertised Rub.
bcr Baptismal Pants in all the lead
ing. Baptist publications. by this
means hc worked off most his stock to
advantage, but now many of the pur.
chascrs are offering their baptismal
pants at half price, rs some of the old.
time hard-shells sat down on the limo.
vation, claiming that the original idea,
as they understood it, was to "go down
into the water" and get wet, and theil
notion that there is nothing scriptural
about the new tangled ''pants'' would
seem to hold water.-Peck's Sun.