The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1886-12-21
THE MAN FROM TOMS RIVER
who Doesn't Propose to Allow an Enemy
to Land on His Coast.

You may have seen something in the por
pers about the coast defeiises. The idea has
somehow got abroad that our coasts ought to
be lined with forts and guns us a warning TO
Europe against declaring war against us some
moi ning before breakfast. Engineers have
surveyed and reported, and congressional
committees have sat and reported, and for
about $50, 100000 we can get things in such
shape that when the enemys first irOn-cad
heaves in sight she can be saluted in proper
style.
A lot of us were sitting in the depot wait
ing room at Trenton, and the only man who
had newspaper was reading away for dear
life, when stranger entered with TWO sach-
els and a tall girl, chucked the baggage under
a seat, waved the girl TO another, and walked
up to the man With the newspaper and asked:
"Mistcr, is there anything in the paper
about our coast defenses"
"No, sirlT was the gruff reply.
THAT'S singular. Have they given up the
idea, do YOU tninkP
II don't know what you mean, sir"
"You dontl Why, they've been talking
for the last year about building forts to pro
toct our coasts. | live down near the mouth
OF TOMS river, and l rather expect they'll
build big fort there. The way things are
now England, France or Germany could de-
clare war against us and land force at
Toms river before we had our eyes OPEN
They'd land right on my farm, and nobody
knows the damage they'd do. Don't see any
thing about fort at Toms river, ell"
"No, sir"
"Well, that's singular If this government
expects me TO get down behind a rock with
my old shotgun and keep Europe from land
ing at that point it's expecting leetle too
much Of one man. I'd fight to the death, Of
course, but the chances are that hull navy
could lick one nigh sighted man. SO the
paper don't say anythipgP
Didn't tell you no in the first placer
"Sayl mcbbe you don't keer a copper about
coast defensesw exclaimed the twosachel
man, as a red spot appeared on either cheek.
mot copper, siri'
81 thought 50 from che startl You live out
in Michigan OF Indiana or Illinois, and are
tucked away in some heller where the sheriff
can't find We, let alone an invader of our So
red silel On, no, you don't kerr
"Fatherm chided the tall girl as she half
rose: but me turned on her with:
"Mary, you keep shet I've allus thought
if Europe declared war agin us we'd have
plenty of enemies right at home, and here's a
case to prove it! Stranger, did you fife il the
last WARP
"None o your business, sirr
"There's his open hand gentlcnenm said
the two-sachel man as he turned to the
crowd. "When you find a man who don't
keer how soon the hull of Europe jumps on
this country you have found Il man who'd
dig up the bones of Washington and sell 'em
to junk man for ST.
The man with the newspaper laid it down.
got on his feet aud asked the other if he
would step cut doors a minute.
no, sir, WON'T was the prompt reply.
ain the fust place, I've got these two sa"hels
to purtect; it the second place, there's Mary;
in the third place, don't fight with no man
who did'Lt fight in the last war. IN the fust
place, | asked We if there was anything in the
paper about our coast defensss'
"And | said no, You idiotl'
"And you said you didn't keer"
"Nether do Iw
There's his hand agin, gentlemen! While
ing to sell my life in defense OF my country,
here's a feller from Coon Holer, state OF In
diana, who don't lleer coopcr's copper how
quick Europe kivers the site Of New Jersei
with the blood of our bravest men"
"Father!" chided Mary again.
"Lemme alone, Mary! You know all
about carpet rags and darning and house
work, but you never heard the rumble Of
war If Europe is going to jump onto this
country / want to know who's going to shoot
me in the back as | face the enemy"
The man with the newspaper opened it ard
sat down with dangerous glitter in his eyes,
and there was solemn silence for few min
utes Then the Toms River man edged over
TO Mary and they slid out doors together.
Then be beckoned through the open window
to three or four of lis, and as we went out he
surrounded us and whispered:
Gentlemen, it's my solemn opinion thai,
that teller is janniSary from Europe who
has come over here to coax Uncle Sam not to
put up any coast defense. | want to say
right here, and | want you to hear it and re-
member it, that if the enemy lands at Toms
River it will be over my dead body, and l
won't be to blame for it. M. Quad in De-
q.