Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-08-08
VANILLA JONES
TRAVELS THROUGH, AND SAYS FUNNY
THINGS ABOUT MISSOURI.
Some Valuable Pointers on Western PrOhOrl0n
and How 10 Get ALI the Lush" You Can
Garry in Prohibited Districts
Western Politicians, BIC.
IRoNToN, Mo-, August 9th.

lRONTON, Mo-, August O'iA'
My DEAR REGIsTER:-We feel home
sick and weary and our mind and wishes
float back to the Little Mountain State
the Switzerland of America-West VIZ
ginia and 10 meet again the hospitable
people of Virginia, and to be again a con-
slant reader of the spicy columns OF the
REGISTER, and perhaps shake hands with
blooming candidates and assure them that
they are solid. Welearn, even away down
hare in the iron districts of Missouri, that
several candidates are before the people OF
w Va willing to serve their country: SerN-
;pgone'scountry is hard on the health ana
dangarous-but then for bravery where
will the West Virginian find his superior!
Nowhere. unless it be here. The crop OF
candidates for the county OIL
fees and municipal positions are
now ripe here, and some places plucKed
Across in the western part of the State l
was talking with watery-eyed man, VINO
informed me that he once held the eNaited
position of Probate Judge, and with That
record 10 hack, had become, ut the earn
est solicitation of his friends, candidate
C,r Comfy Clerk. well, sir, he SAD,
ne he lowered his voice and wiped the How
inc fiuid from his eyes, IL got but one
vote" Then placing his mouth close 10
nv ear ne whispered: "Thank the Lord, !
voted that vote" | could tell by the pc
culiar accent of his breath that he was not
ON the Prohibition ticket, and had been
connected with the Internal Revenue De
partment | would had felt duty bound 10
nut a revenue whisky stamp on that man;
He WAS good Republican, but | would
have felt that would have violated my
oath had not stamped him.
This State is now OycTGun with long
haired men and short haired women VINO
advocate prohibition. They are, as rule
from the bordering State Of Kansas. anu
their efforts, with the laborS OF Missouri
prohibitlonists, have peculiar effect.
Now. in the Southwest, saloons run Just
rs they do in Wheeling; few counties
further up nothing can he purchased snort
of a GALLON, either of beer, whisky or any
saloon drink that will intoXicate. But by
calling for ginger ale, Short you can
rrt whisky, or by calling for ginger ale,
long hrrr will make its appearance. In
the central counties the saloons are run
lust aS in Wheeling, except, however
that no billiards or pool tables, VIII DE
allowed in the same house, or in the same
block where 4 saloon is kept. This, was
informed was made rs concession to
the urobibition element. | have been
wondering where the concession comes H.
Then in counties bordering II. LOUIS s;l-
looms are open--wide open, not the usual
back doOr-all day Sunday and the pool
and billiard tables accessible. / was tolu
concerning these matters and state them
for the benefit of prOhibitiOnStS and poll
ticians who think OF coming To Missouri.
Honestly we think that these Kansas pro
hibitiOuistS had better attend To Kansas
then come over into Macedonia. In That
State a prohibition law exists which pre-
cludcs the sale OF liquors. or course no
saloons are open, but their twin brothers,
the drug stores, do 4 booming business. l
will venture to say that in every town IN
Kansas the druggists are rcaPIhS nch
profits from tn" sale OF intoxicating
drinks. and the State is being cheated OF
their rightfnl income, snOw this to he
true of every town and city that | have
been i'm i'm that State. Every well regulat-
ed drug store keeps blanks which states
that the undersigned requires 50 many
ounces or pounds, or pintS, OF malt or
whisky or gin, for medicinal or mechanical
PURPOSES and
MOTTO BE TAEEN As : BEVERAGE.
All that is necessary is to state how
MANY bottles of malt, which we vulgar
West Vlrginans call beer, are wanted and
how much of the other, and the gentleman
" druggist fills out the blank and the IN
valid signs it; no oath being required, anu
ne "ctS his medicine Now, from what we
have actually witnessed, this query has
come to our mind: Does prohibition con-
siSt in the abolition OF the sale OF liquor
We do wish some Of our Kansas friends
would inform H,, for we ycarn to know.
Sun Jones was down the other day along
with Brother St John, and Sam said SOME
thin" that made the Dutch mad and If he
concludes to run for something it will
stretch his Imagination TO Straddle the
point evolved. He said that beer may
be good enOagh for German stomach but
it was dangerous to human stomach.
The Germans have been figuring to find
out where the Christianity lies in this re-
mark.
We have touched, and lightly, the coun-
tv politics. and will only say III regard IA
the coming Senatorial election that unless
something remarkable turns up Senator
Francis Cockrill will be retired. The en-
tire field is fighting against him, but from
observations gathered in over five hun
dred miles through different portions we
find he is strongly iptrcnchcd in the Hem
ocratic heart.
We are now ia the iron districts IN the
eastern part of the State, and the country
about resembles our own State more than
any section have been in since | left the
shores of West Virginia. In the distance
can he seen the towering form OF Iron
Mountain-SOlid iron alm0St-with its red
bald head away up in the clouds. We
don propose to 30 off in Spasm of rhetoric
and tell YOU how grand ii looks, or even to
try to get off any joke by saying that II
reminds one of Ali Caldwell's head, OF
ANYTHING like that; We Just propose to let
| il keep its red bald head among the clouds
rs long rs it feels disposed to do, and kiss
the incense laden breeze and battle i'll the
golden rays OF the morning sun. 1t can
Just do that. 1t has nothing TO do, We
have 10 rustic. 80 good night, dear old
REGISTER. VANILLA JONES.
BELLAIRE.
/ Miss Ida Hammond will spend couple