The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-11-17
THE PROGRESSIVE FARMER FARMER, E i, 1885.
flashes Of fun.

When a woman "knits her brows''
it is probably because she is out of
yarn.
-Lucy-John, what is that ma
chine we saw at the fair that kicks ?
John-That, | believe they call a
hay-tedder.
Lucy-Why, then, would a man
who finds fault with everything be
called a hay-tedder?
An Illinois man has married
his divorced wife's mother, thereby
becoming his WI father-in-law.
When his present wife dies he in
tends to marry his first wife's daugh-
ter and perform the unparalleled
feat of becoming his own father and
son at the same time.
-"Sire, one word" said a soldier
one day to Frederick the Great,
when presenting to him a request
for the brevet of lieutenant. "If
you say two" answered the King
I'll have you hanged" "Sign,"
replied the soldier. The king stared
whistled and-signed.
How long have YOU been
married, Mrs. Slowboy?" olive
years" olive years! Why you
ought to have a wooden wedding."
Have" replied Mrs. Slowboy,
~glancing across at the meek figure
of a man trying to hide behind a
newspaper; II had that when I was
married."
-"Can you give me a little money
on that account of yours this morn
ing?' mo. | don't believe / can
this morning." "Well, will you
appoint time when you can? You
have been trading with me a good
deal lately and have paid me
a cent" II know it. [ am a free
trader"
An exchange prints the follow
ing: "A lady reader writes to say
that she has been losing her hair
recently and wants to know what
she shall do to prevent it." Either
keep your bureau drawer locked or
else discharge your hired girl and
get another Of a complexion differ
ent from yours.
"A Kansas farmer was sowing
his ground, when two smart fellows
came riding by, n of whom called
out in an insolent air: "Well, my
good man, tbs your business to SOW
but we reap the benefits Of your
labor" The rustic replied, ''TiS
very like you. may, for just now |
am sowing hemp"
"A little girl accompanying her
mother on visit to an old lady, the
latter showed her a parrot in a
cage by the window, warning her
at the same time not to go too near
lest he should bite her. "Why
should he bite me?" she asked.
because, my dear, he doesn't know
you" ''Then please tell him that l
am Mary Ann"
At Branchory, in Scotland, once
the parish schoolmaster, out of Gu
riosity, put the following question
to his scholars, "What is nothing?"
A pause ensued until an urchin,
whose proclivities for turning a pen
ny were we'll known among the
schoolfellows, got up and replied,
dts when a man asks you to hold
his horse and jist says thankye."
-Fipps who had been lunching
with a friend upon frogs legs
"Everything you see in this world
is of some use, even the frog
Friend who is disputatious-"I
don't agree with you. OF what
use is the mosquito to us?" Fipps
-"Ah! my dear fellow, you take
the wrong view of things. Just
think how useful we are to the mos
quito"
-"Wherew were you last Sunday,
Robbie ?" asked the teacher of one
of the brightest scholars in her
class. my mother kept me home"
Nov, Robbie, do you know where
little boys 60 to when they play
truant from Sunday school?" Yes
ma'am." "Where?" "They go fish
int" replied the boy, letting the
whole feline family out Of the paper