The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1886-02-05
The Lime-Kiln Club.
From the Detroit Free press.

From the Detroit Free Press.
Sam Kurnel Paradox johnson in
Dc hall dis eavenin?" blandy inquired
Brother Gardner, as the regular week
ly meeting opened on the forty-seventh
degree in due and regular shape.
The "kurnel" arose. He was there.
Some time ago he invented the theory
that Canada thistles could be culti-
waited to bear mustard p~lasters, and
his countenance now betrayed the
TACT thathe expected to be patted on
the back and ordered to take the
stool of honor unker tie Bear Traps.
"kurnel johnson will please step
this way" continued the President,
and the kurnel advanced to the front,
bestowing a look OF three-ply con-
tempt on the Hon. Erastus Furlonp
as he passed him.
"Brodder Johnson" said the Presi-
dent, as the victim stood before him
with folded arms, 81 want to spoke
to you in deplainest English language.
l larn dat you hey invented a the
oryS" v
sit has been a long time working up
to q climax, hasn't it?"
"Bout ay'ar sab"
81 thought so. 1t was bout q var
ago dat | noticed you quit work an
began to sot around ON de curbstona.
YOU didn't cotch on to dis theory
without Il hard struggle, did you?n
"No. sab. 1t just almoas' upset nv
mind"
81 thought so. l remember when
you gin up de curbstone fur saloonso
ciety. Later on you began to play
Grabs an policy. Towards de last
agony OF your struggle you began to
shake dice an buy lottery tickets on
de money your wife ARMED at the
~wash-tub. Inventin' a theory am
powerful hard work, Brudder John.
son."
eyes sah."
ut am so hard dat your wife an
chil'en am now begin fur bread an'ole
clothes, while you am in debt to
everybody who'd trust you and your
landlord am gwine to frow you out
o. de house."
"I-I is sorry, sab, but l couldn't
help it,"
Brudder Johnson" said the Presi-
dent, in a voice which made Elder
Toots shiver like a faded burdock in
winters gale, II want to say to you,
an to all other members of dis club
freu YOU dat no culledman in America
has any bizness wild a theory-an or
iginal theory. II white folks has got
time huff an money huff to LOAF
around an diskiver-in dier own
minds-dat de moon am full o. jack
asses which gallop up an down, or
dat de Norf Star contains q race O.
people who walk on DER heads an
feed themselves wild der toes OATS all
right. De problem wild de culled man
am fust, bread an butter; second,
house rent on raiment; third, SIGH ed.
dicashun as will enable him an his'n
to write an receive letters, keep post.
ed on current events, figger up how
much a weeks wages comes to at 81
a day, realize dat de Atlantic am on
one side OF us an de Pacific de odder,
hev de sense to go to de polls an'wote
fur honest, decent candidates, no mat
ter on what ticket DER names appear.
] shan't tineyou, an / doan' want to
expel you, but you will retire to de
ante-room with Giveadam Jones fur
de space OF ten minutes. Ii you hold
to any pertickler theory a Ger he gets
freu wild you it will be sunthin you am
perfectly welcometo!"
When the "kurnel" returned to the
hall after the proceedings" he was a
changed man. One coat tail vas en-
tirely missing, the other badly batter
ed, and his general appearance was
that of a mai who had met the tail
end Of a cyclone in a country where
there was nothing to hangto.