Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1886-04-08

ouiilVah, the slugger, must have de
scended from the Hittites of old.
The Ursa Major is the new name for
the most fashionable full dress worn bv
ladies. Crsa Major means Great Bare.
IF dc wedder grows much worse
and de work harder all de time" said an
Alabama colored man, "dis niger will
have call TO preach
"Moighty curious people these
Americans are, said Bridget the frs,
time she saw celery served; ''they ate all
the stalks, and lave livery bit Of the foil
age"
Michigan has Judge who says from
the bench: ANY girl fool enough to
marry drinking man should be compel.
ed to live out her days with him, no mat.
ter what the abuse"
Mistress to new Bridget.
where is the dessert"
Bridget glowing with pridc)-"Ther
dessert, mum? It's iu Afrika or Agypt.
The tacher alwas called me foine lump
ov scholar
When man in Texas is converted he
has his hip pocket sewn up. When man
in Kentucky is converted he sells his
flask to the junk dealer, and when man
in Chicago II converted he swaps slang
/ phrases with Sam Jones.
\ farmer in the west being visited by
( robbers, and having no shot for his gun
for their appropriate reception, put in II
box OF pills. The outside application re
suited in the death of one Of the intrud
crs and the serious wounding Of another.
/ At the Methodist Episcopal conference
held in Baltimore on March 10th reso-
luton was unanimously adopted declaring
that 1t is fitting that monument or stat.
he of John Wesley, the founder Of Meth
odism, should be erected IN Washington,
ID. G.
America is the only country which
spends more upon education than on war
or preparation for war. Great Britain
does not spend one third as much, France
not one-ninth, or Russia onc.twenty-
ninth as much on education ms on the
army.
llygienists say milk should be eaten
rather than drunk, that is, it should be-
drunk slowly, so that the saliva may be-
suitably mingled with it, Taken with the
food it is better than taken at one draught
The more milk one drinks the less of 9th
er food will he require.
Visitor Gn pcnicntiary) - What
brought you to this place, my friend?
| Convict-Sneczing
( Visitor-Sneezing?
Convict-Yis, sorr. 1t woke the gintlc.
man up, an he nabbed me- Have We
got bit cr tobaccy about ye, sorr?
Missionay-"Ycs, my dear sir, the
human frame is wonderful piece of
mechanism. Just see the power in the
limbs, and then the capabilities of the
brain. The brain, after all. is the best
part of the man" Reformed cannihal--
II never used to think much of it
Young Reporter-Thc storm king
hurled his torn and tumbling torrents
over the ruins of the broken and dismem.
bered cdiilcc. Old Editor-What's that!
| What do you mean, young fellow Young
! Reporter er--thc flood washed
away Patrick McDougals old aoap fact
ory
Court Officer Whispering in Magi..
| tratc's CARA couple outside wants you
TO join them" Magistrate Tell
'em III be around the corner in five min
utcs.' Court Oficcr-lt'sa young couple,
sir, as wants to get married" Magistrate
-"Oh! tell 'em they'll have TO wait un
I'll Court is adjourned"
The Smrit Of tie Farm gives this nfor
nation on subject that may be Of value
to some OF our readers Many persons are
fond of onions, but fear to eat them on
account of the odor they impart to the
breath. Eat to your satisfaction, but af.
ter eating drink Il cup of hot, strong cof
fee, and your sweetheart may kiss you
with impunity,
A certain town in Dakota offered II
town lot and 5000 to the mother of the
first boy born there. A lady living some
100 miles distant learned of the offer.
took the train, went there gave birth 10
u fine boy, pOckCtcd the 1900, took deed
for corner lot, and had the whole trans.
action completed in less than forty eight
hours. And still some of our law makers
are kicking about letting Dakota into the
lHlltu SUITES,
Near the headwatcrs of the Little
Colorado, called by Coronado the Rio del
Limo, is one OF the most remarkable nat.
, ural curiositics of the United States. II
is pctrifed forest, extending over many
miles. The trees are siliciiicd conifera OF
gigantic size One has been discovered
which measures more than twenty feet
at the base, and at break one hundred
feet from the base it was ten feet in di.
ameter.
The largest steel rifle breech loading
gun ever made on the American cont.
nent now rests ON its carriage, all com.
plete, In the machine shop Of the Navy
yard in Washington 1t is an eight inch
gun nearly thirty feet in length, carries a
ball weighing two hundred and fifty
pounds and charge of powder of half
that weight. There are larger guns un.
der way at the yard, but this is the larg-
est finished
Maine is probably the only State in
the Union that ever ad six Governors in
q space Of time less than one year. In
1S43 Governor Fairchild resigned; Gov.
ernor Cavanaugh, the President Of the
Senate, died, and was succeeded by Gov
ernor Paris, President Of the Senate. He
was succeeded by Governor Dunn,
Speaker of the House, who in turn was
succeeded by Governor Dana, President
Of the Senate, and he was succeeded by
Governor Anderson, elected by the peo-
pie.
Madam, said polite tramp the 9th.
! 1as. -. lal