Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-01-07
CELESTIAL HUMOR.


from the 'Hsiao Lin Kuang," or "BoOk OF
Laughter" some Of which are interesting
because they are identical with stories IA
miIar TO Western civlizati. =, while 9th
era have peculiarly Celestial accent:
Two persons standing over a stove on
cold day, warming themselves, were over
heard INDUCING in the following dia-
logue: No. l-apathctic, ana given 10 YER
biage, addressed No. 2--reputee.y hot
tempered and decisive, whose clothes he
noticed smoulderlng, as follows: "My
dear friend, there is something l would
like TO speak TO you about; ] have seen 1t
for some time, and all along have wanted
to tell you. but as people say your tenn
per rs Sd fiery, | hcsitaied; on the other
hand, | think, If DO not speak, you may
be loser, 50 | have come TO the conclu-
sion, at least to ask your permission to
do So" "Out with it." said the other.
'Well, your clothes are burning" mildly
continued No. i. "Wby the deuce,' cried
No. ,. in a passion, as he observed con-
siderable damage already done, could
you not speak at onceT' 1T is true then
what people say: what temper he has
got" muttered No. !, As he laziy moved
of.
A woodcutter was at work in concert
with his son. while hts little grandchlld
played near them. The old man accident
ally cut his sons fuger, whereupOn the
Tate sufferer called his father a blind old
fool. "You son OF a dog" cried tn little
boy, show dare you abuse yOur tatherp
The following ls told OF an incOrrisl0ly
idle offspring OF a literary father:
yOungst9r, having a great disinclination
10 study, was shat up IN a closet, with
strict iniunctiOns to apply himself. Steal
ing near, the parent, TO his delight, heard
( hr k.nxr A-s s,,.- 50
presently still more pleased by hearing
the supposed student eXclaim, Il under
stand it." The excited father rushed in.
crying out, 81 am proud, my son, TO lind
that you have at last mastered that work"
Eyes" said the boy, 81 always thought
books were written, but to-day have dis
covered they are printed"
"Come home to dinner" cried good
housewife to her husband at work in a
field. "All right" he shouted, "as soon
as | have hid nv hoe" At dinner his
wife demonstrated with him for shouting
so loudly about hiding his bee. 81 am
certain" said she, 'the neighbors have
| heard yOu, and some one has already stO-
len it, Struck with the remark. the man
returned TO the field, and sure enough the
hoe was gone. On returning to his house
and impressed with the wisdom OF her
| previous caution, he whispered into his
wife's ear, 1.-THE hoe is stolen"
The following imprOmptu, though con-
sequent on a fall, cannot be looked on as
the outcome Of deficient understanding.
A man stumbled and fell. Trying to rise,
he again fell. Hang it." he cried, ''if l
had known was to fall again, l would
not have tried to get up"
4 woman was flaming the corpse Of her
husband, and being asked by the neigh
bOrs why she famed a dead man in the
middle of winter, she replied, only hus-
I bands last words were, Wife, wait till l
am cold before you marry again."
The feminine propensity for cOnceallng
age, and Tesenting impertinent questions
! in regard to IL, is common 10 all times
and nationalitics; but this does not de-
| tract from our admiration of the trick by
/ which the truth was got at in the follow
/ ing instance: A man, newly married,
/ thought, when his wife unveiled for the
/ first time, that she looked rather old and
wrinkled. Telling her so, he asked her
| real age. when she replied, 'Forty-ive or
! 46." You wrote in the marriage
4 ontract 30 years. said he, ''but you look
/ even more than 40 or 49," Atlast she adj
mtted fifty-fOur. The husband was still
/ dOu btftll: so be bethOught himself OF a
stratagem for getting at the truth. Jump
! ing up be said, - must cover up the salt
| before going TO bed, or else therats will eat
| il all before morning" SWELL" said his
/ wife, laughing, 81 have heard of and seen
many strange things In the IS years Of
my life; but never saw or heard Of rats
eating salt before"
A spirit about to be re-embodied was, at
| the final interview with the Lord of Hades,
informed that he was to be born into rich
| family, and would become very wealthy.
81 don't want it," said the spirit; 'sjust
give me enough for food and clothes, that
is sufficient mo, no." was the reply;
dollars; it would never do TO let you have
too easy life"
A noted liar once told friend that he
had at home three precious things: bull
lock which could run 1000 ii a day; n
fowl which crOwed at the beginning Of
each watch, day and night; and a dog
that could rea0 books. The friend inti-
mated that be would lose no time in see-
ing, with his own eyes, these marvels.
The man did not expect this, as his house
was somewhat distant; so he went home
and told his wife that he had got caught
at last, and that tomorrow the man would
arrive and he would be disgraced. "Nev-
err mind,' said his spouse, "leave that to
me; it VIII be all right; only you must
keep out OF sight" Next morning the
visitor arrived. and being met by the mis-
tress, asked where her husband was. ale
has gone to Pekin," she replied. "When
will he be back ~ ain eight or nine DAYS"
"Why. how can he be so quickw "He
has gone of on our fast bullock, and can
do II easilv.v 81 hear also you have a
wonderful fowl" said the visitor. and,
behold, as he was speaking, small cock
crew. That's it," said the wife. ''he
crows at the beginning Of each watch,
and also when visitor arrives" l would
also like IN see the learned dog" he said.
"Ah,v said she, 81 am sorry; but you see
we are very poor; so he keeps school in
the city,"
A doctor opened a drug store, but for a
long time had no customers; at last one
customer came. When supplying bis
wants, the vendor observed that the drug
was fun Of weevls. "W hat Is this ~ said
the buyer. "KiGHG tsdn'' medicinal lar
vHl, replied the doctor. "But," said the
man, "ht1HG tSdR are always dead"
Yes said the doctor, "but you see
they could not remain dead, after eating
my medicine"
A doctor, as a punishment for causing
his patients death, had 10 pay ten burdens
OF wheat. WOile carrying the grain he
was met by man who asked him to come
and treat a sick member of his family.
"All right.n said the doctor, II will be
there shortly; but In the meantime you
may be getting your barn cleaned out"
A barber shaving customers head,
drew blood, and put one Of his fingers on
t. Again he made a cut, and put down