The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1886-07-09
PHI ,EMoLocy AFLoAr.

A Accident which showed That the So
encs Of Banps Il Not Wstsr-ProoE
Ican't just now recall his name. bus
he was registered at the hotel at Elk.
Rapids AZ from the Chicago Inter- Ocean.
There wasn't any thing singular In two
newspaper men making up to each
other-not when they were both away
from home. / liked his looks from the
start, and when he realized it he
brought out chart Of his head which
Prof. Fowler had given him. Accord
ing to the chart his leading traits
were:
l. Extreme liberality.
2. Utter absence of selfshness
8. Strong friendship.
WAS glad that the chart connrmed
my own private impressions, and our
friendship was cemented with the blood
lord charged ten cents glass. On the
fourth day We went out together IN =
skiff on the bay to fish. He insisted on
paving for the bait, and in rowing the
boat, and that agreed exactly with gait
No. l. We were half mile off shose.
and still going ahead, when the skin
banged against some unseen object, the
bottom was stove in. and the next mo-
ment she filed to the gunwales. The
oars floated away as We fiOated out
and we settled down to business with
the wreck floating full of water and he
hanging to one end and to the other
1t was only then that . suspicion crept
into my mind that Fowler hadn't fet Of
that chaps bumps in dead earnest.
You did it-you Internal idiot-yon
did it!' he yelled at me as he got Little
Traverse Bay out of his mouth.
As Fowler hadn't included Truth in
his leading traits ! felt free to deny the
allegation, but he repeated it in Wig
orous manner, and added:
live got revolver, and if you don't
let go of shis boat Ill shoot your
''For why?" says l.
because it won't float both of us, and
I'm going to sage myself at any cost!'
That was his utter absence of selfish
ness" as recorded on the chart, and I
was surprised and grieved to think
Fowler had been so taken in. l asked
for little grace, and he replied:
''Givc you jlst two minutes to say
your prayers"
1 wanted twenty, and he wouldn't.
even compromise on six. That was
more of his "extreme liberality." When
l saw that he was inclined to hurry the
funeral bounced the boat around and
prevented him from getting at his
weapon, which had stuck fast in his Wet
pocket. Pretty soon he tried another
lay. Said he:
Il am married man and have four
children. All you've got is a wife. and
she's half dead at that. Have some
reason about you."
offered to argue the case, each side
being limited to five minutes, and he
charged me with cold-bloOded selfish
ness. If the circumstances were only,
reversed he'd die for me in a minute
but as we couldn reverse 'em he had
another proposition. If I'd let go and
die quietly and decently he'd raise at
least one hundred dollars for my widowif
he WIS saved, and would give column.
notice in the Inter- Ocean, describing
the details of my heroic act, and wind
ing up with the paragraph:
..We are certain that the public Will
not let his grave remain unhOnored by a,
fitting tablet.
WANTED to know what sort of a tab
let, the cost, etc.? / had seen so many
cheap tablets that felt like holding out
for a Scotch-granite monument with an
angel on the apex. He got so mad at
the DELAY that had to bounce the boat
again to keep the pistol in his pocket.
When he had Gained down he appealed
to nv generosity and manly honor. He
had just had his salary raised. His
father-in-law had just come to appre7
c:ate him for what he was. He was the
president of Chicago literary society,
and the leading member of Il debating
club. His future was full of the biggest
kind of watermelons, and the whole
world would miss him. l hadn't any.
salary worth ment:Oning-nO father-ini
law at all-no hope beyond fourth-foor
rates. Wasn't it better to die hero
than to live on like thistle by the road
side? 1 asked him to put his language
in the form of motion, which he did,
and vote was taken-it was stand-s
off, His side only got one vote, and
that was half-full of water.
Inever saw a chap so full of motions
and resolutions as he was for three,
quarters of an hour, and never attend
ed q caucus where the opposition was So
determined to vote them all down. He
had apparently exhausted his stock and
was hunting for something new. when
he lost his hold on the wreck and went.
own-dOwn-about four feet.
where he rested solidly on q sand-bar-
The water for fifty feet around was from
two to four feet deep. and it was the
end of s,mken spar which had wrecked
us He came over to me and held out
his hand, but l waded away from him
in delightful manner. He said he was
only in fun, and he offered me three
fish-hooks, a jack-knife, ball of string
and big hunk of Petoskey maple sugar
to resume friendly and confidential rela-
tons. In vain. A fisherman came out.
and took us off the bar, and we never
spoke again. A man whose bumps de-
ceive phrenologist is no fellow to tic
to.-M Quad, in Detroit Free Press.
6easily lngratitude.
81 declared exclaimed Fogg. Smith