Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1884-1886, 1886-03-30
THE RAMBLER.

Il OGaOAS q AoA6 sNnSAA13 e>A1A PfsstSAs HSNFsSs
and now the strike is ended; but the en-
ployes of the weather bureau at Washington
have struck, and the weather has go-as-
you-please time of it, and the storm king
and General Boreas are rampant, just at the
very moment was about to fire broad
side of tender spring literature, freighted
with the aroma of clover blossoms, and the
music of the birds at the people.
People who never told me 1 was
q liar before, and who are regarded
as excellent authority in questions OF YER
acity, will no longer trust me in weather
prophecy, and to tell the truth. have found
it difficult lately to get trusted for anything.
This last blizzard though intended for an
April fool, but she went off half-cocked be-
fore the standard time. Speaking OF April
fool, the thing has undergone as many
changes as day in March since
l was kid. In the days of my boy
hood the saloon was IN perfect health,
and on all fools day the bar was covered
with a most inviting lunch, of what appear
ed to be Clipped beef stewed in cream, en-
ticing doughnuts, biscuits and bill of fare Of
edibles seemingly well cooked and dsintily
prepared; while around The counter hung a
crowd awaiting the arrival of some gentle
man called sucker" The beef was leath-
er and the intestines of the doughnuts and
biscuits was cotton which was covered over
with layer Of most enticing pastry. The
muscular drinker who accepted some inno-
cent looking wintergreen lozenges for dis
infectant for the breath, invariably found
that they had struck cayenne pepper. All
day the stree. gamin was in his element and
anyone who escaped being made q medium
OF advertisement was lucky. Coat tails were
| decorated with various stresmers and pos
tiers and great was the fun thereof
Antiqunries and others interested in natur-
al curiosities have traced out the origion
OF ell FOOLS day, aud the plat can be seen at
the county clerks Office, where any one who
takes an interes. in that sort of thing can
see it.
In answer to those who charge me with
malfesance in office on account of the
age. Those who expect a clean govern
| ment from this mugwump admin
| istration are left. 1t amt down on their
programme. When heard of the strike for
the last storm / hustled off to Washington
with view to having conference with
Cleveland and the officers of his weather
bureau, but they declined to meet me as the
| representative of Kansas. As a private in
individual they would be happy to see me,
but of course / wasn't that sort of hair
pin. declined and the result you saw. l
saw Cleveland though. / have read about
people who called On Cleveland and who
were profuse in their expressions OF
pity for him on account Of the
ardious duties OF standing up an
hour or so shaking hands with visitors.
Now wish to announce that l will take the
job off his hands, and give him fifty per cen:
on his investment. / have seen men of less
robust mould than Dir. Cleveland, shake
hands with u pick or shovel ten hours day.
sill summer, for Sl.50 per day, while Mr..
Cleveland gets nearly $3.50 for every work
ing day in the year. A man with n paw on
him like bear and head and neck sug-
me, ought to be able TO worry along with
the entire crop Of Misunderstanding for this
country on that pay. without any great
amount of sympathy. Mr. Cleveland is not
married man, either.
II is seldom that one finds political
| campaign in such ehoss Il week prior to
election as it is in this city at present, but
this is probably owing to the backwardness
Of the season. There are no candidates. i
was once candidate for the Arkansaw
but | found the canvass too oppressive No
| matter how | felt had to have smile for
every body, and when / at last threweup the
job didn't get my face back to its normal
shape for ninety days and three days grace.
1t wasn't the smiling, though, that made me
resume my manhood and throw up the can
| vass. ] could have fought it out on the
smiling line, but it was the banquets that
finally downed me. | had to attend ban
quet every night, and oh, such banguets.
The last | was st was at old Squire Baum
gartner's house down on Snake creek and
there's where l determined wasn't cut out
for tina! sort of thing. There was none but
myself and the 'SGuires family at this ban
quot. When at gentlemen's houses had TO
affect great fondness for the children. The
squire had a young urchin about six
years old. | now call him an urchin
though l called him a darling little boy at
that time. His front name was Sam, and
the whole family regarded him as a wit, and
the old man intended to raise him for con-
gress, but, as l afterwards heard, be landed
in The penitentiary.
While we were all at the table l took the
little cuss on my knee very aiiectionate,y,
and was fast gaining the affections of the
squire and his amiable wife. Sammy,
DEAR" said the squire, "hold up yonr head
and tell the gentleman how much twice nine
makes" "Ten." shouted the lad. ''Oh. no,
guess again "Eleven," 'No." Twelve"
"No.n Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen,
seventeen, eighteen" Fright, SAM" shouted
the squire. ''rm thinking, Mr.. Rambler.
that lad will make figure in the world"
/ was about to reply, when a sudden
acute twinge caused me involun-
tarily TO exclaim, murder and
on directing NY attention to the part affect
cd, caught the promising Samuel busily
engaged boring hole in my knee with
Barlow knife.
Dear me. what's the matter" inquired
'squire's wife. "a mere trife, | replied,
striving hard to lock pleasant; the sprightly
little fellow has just been whiting the cap
off my knee. that's all; but boys st his age
are SO engaging. that no enc could possibly
object to such pleasantries. This explana-
ton seemed 10 tickle the fellow, who even st
his tender age had u notion he was a wag
and he played off a number of other tricks
until his mother was compelled TO order him
away from the table. But here ensued
scene that shall never forget. Notwith-
stseding his mothers coaxings be would'n,
stir, and when the girl came -
take him away he burg on 10 the
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