davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23
EASY TO GET MARRIED.
An Event That Settles q Mans Destiny 70
Paradise or Perdition.

An Event That Settles a Mans Destiny for
Paradise or Perdition.
Anybody can marry. A man may be
so holnely that the reflection of his face
would dent new milk-pan, but he can
marry. l know miserable creatures
who have existed scores of years, and
all they have been able to get was to
get married. Down through the flying
years have passed safe from Cupid's
darts. 1 have met young ladies so
eager to get married that it kept them
up nights-with male companions. I
have been besieged by old maids, bonn
baraeG. with widows and out
fanKets book agents. cage does
not WiV&r nor custom stale' man of
my build. and have to change nv
boarding-pla often. What I do not
know about love, courtship and mar
riage you need not look in the census
of 1880 to find out. But / shall not
lecture upon those themes. I have
marked the ebb and flow of taste in
these matters. There has been a run
on coachmen until good drivers became
GU SSoASO tudg Tic C1udl OCaCS OF
our distracted country were rotting at
their wharves and gilded horseshoes
were the fashionable adornments of
our homes. Then the drain of our for
eign noblemen left our restaurants and
BARRIERS shops without help. Afterward
the cockney dude was in demand until
the ladies became attached to cheap
er kind OF dOg-with a string. s.Pity
is akin to love-" and women marry
some very pitiable objects. Weddings
and funerals are put side by side in the
papers, for they both settle a mans
destiny for paradise or perdition.
There has been a steady effort in our
progressive country to make divorces
as easy as marriage, but the lawyers
Will always be more expensive than the
preachers. Young men, / have seen
some happy marriages, but they are
founded on respect and mutual fitness.
ihey were undertaken with more calm
thought and preparation than moon
light and gum drops. There will be
the same moonlight after you are mar
ried. but small house and lot will cost
sou coin of the realm. Buckle down
to your studies, snd get an assured Do
slnon in society, pull in q political
party or an account at the bank, and
men viii guarantee there will be Girls
telt ana willing to marry.-From Prof
Oo"Se $ Lecsarc, IN Albany Journal.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23
The Facetlous Boarder.

Dumley Ito landlady)-Do you know,
Mrs. Hendricks, why your table reminds me
OF Mrs. Micawber's undying devotion tc
her husband
Mrs Hendricks-No, Mr. Dumley Why7
Dumley-Because you will never dessert
MN Y Times,
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23
A Common Superstition.

The conversation turned on supersti.
ton and travelling man from Chicago
remarked to Will Shields:
"Do you believe in ghosts?"
81 do, indeedy," replied Willie.
''Come of. now, have you ever seen
one?'
"You bet have"
Il don't believe it."
would You believe it il 1 showed you
one!''
..Of course
''Well, look at that" he said. pulling
out a pocket-book SO thin and emaciated
that the light shone through it like an
open Observation-Disclosures Trureier.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23
WHEN silence reigns is it nect AIRY to
carry an umbrella!-Pdimer Journal.
Years Teach More Than Rocks.

heHrs TEACH Nore THRU HOOKS.
Among other valuable lessons impaired
by this teacher is the fact that for very
long time DIR. Pierces Golden Medical Dis
coyery'' has been the prince~f liver correct
ives and blood purifiers, being the house
hold physician OF the poor man, aud the
able insulting physician to the rich
patient, and praised by all for its magnifi-
cent service ami efficacy in all diseases of q
chronic nature, as malarial pei ming. all.
ments of the respiratory and digestive sys-
TENS liver disease and in all cases where
the use of an Alternative remedy is indicated.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23
Facts for Families.

Facts Tor Families.
In order to cook your hare, you must al
ways first catch it.
1t is much easier to catch a cold than to
catch hare.
To get rid Of a cold, always use Red Star
Cough Cure.
To get Red Star Cough Cure, only ~
quires twenty-five cents.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23
Delicate Diseases

of either sex, however induced, promptly,
thoroughly and permanently cured. Send
three letter stamps for large illustrated
treatise. Worlds Dispensary Medical As
ISOLATION, Buffalo, n Y.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23
Pile TunOn

however large, speedily and painlessly
cured without knife, caustic, powder or
ointment. Consultation free. Write for
pamphlet and references. enclosing two let
ter stamps for reply. Worlds Dispensary
Medical Association, 66s Main Street, But
falo, n. Y.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

Too MUCH scratching at the polls makes
candidates head feel sore the next day
Hartford Times.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

"ARE you asleep, babys" Eyes, mann
ma and you know the doctor told you no
to wake me to give me any medicine. ~
T. Letigsr
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

WHAT is the difference between Q hungry
boy and q gluttona One longs to eat and
the other eats too long.-Golden Days.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

The man who received q tomahawk BY
express acknowledged that he had queer
axe sent.-Boston Transcript.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

DR. TANNER says that with the unaided
eve only about five thousand stars can be
seen DIR. Tanner has evidently never been
on 81 ates.-Chicdgo Inter Ocean.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

AN Irishman says he can see no earthly
reason why women should not become med
ical philadelphia Cali
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

A MAN may sometimes not be gifted.
and yet have a mantel fall on him-a wood
mantel.-Buriington Free Press
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

aDo YOU enjoy good healthr asked Gross
"Why, yes, of course. Who doesn'ta" n
piled Ross, tersely.-N. Y Independent
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

SWEDEN is a good cattle country, because
there the animal never strays, the cattle
men always finding their Stockholm
Folio.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

"WHEN the sky falls we shall catch larks, n
but some men when they are out on lark
try to catch the sky.-Boston Globe.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

of the wealth of the word, $780,
100000 are owned by four men, as
follows: Mr.. Mackey, 1916, OOO, 600
Rothschild, $500. 100000; Vanderbilt,
s175, 900, 900, and the Duke of West
minister, $50, 100000. Their income
per minute is $25, $40, $IS and 81 re
spectively N, Y. Herald
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

"HELLo, Judson, how are youl" pretty
well. thank you" How are you at home h
.Wife says I'm rather grumpy. "-ColumJus
Spectdtor.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

THE cigar that is called imported is about
as appropriately named as the hired cir,
We call domestic onkers Statesman.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

TIN faith-cure is gaining many converts
around the country, but we are not yet san
guine enough about its success 70 ey IL %
cur tailog.-Ts1Gde BlodA
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

THEY say the Folding Saving Machine j.
ann :'sse. See advertisement in this paper.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

THERE il field for roam ants around
many . sugar barrel.-Hdrathon Indepe'sd-
eat.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23
Young Men. Read This.

THE VoLrAIc BELT Co., of Marshall, Mich,
offer to send their cole brated ELECTRO VOL
TAIC BELT and other ELECTRIC APPLIANCES
on trial for 80 days, to men (young or old)
afflicted with nervous debility, loss of vital
ity and all kindred troubles. Also for rheu-
matism,neuralgia,p araly sis, and many 9th.
er diseases. Complete restoration to health,
vigor. and manhood guaranteed. No risk in.
CURED, as so days. trial is allowed. Write
them at once for illustrated pamphlet, free.
THE thermometer gains notoriety by de-
Rrees. so to sneak
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

ADVICE to butchers-If a man refuses to
pay his bill for MISUNDERSTANDING Trib-
une.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

A MAGICIAN who can eat fire il easily sat
isfied: He's light eater, you know.-Chi-
edgo Hal.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

A PEWTER pot may be made Of printers
zinc.-Pats6Hrya Chronicle.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

RELIEF is Immediate, and a cure sure,
Piso's Remedy for Catarrh. 30 cents.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

SwEErMEArs-Sugar-cu hams.-Pits-
6urgk Chronicle- Telegraph.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-23

PIXIES TOOTHACHE DROPS cure in minute. &c
Gtcnn's Sulphur Soup heals and beautifies. sc.
GERMAN Corn REMOVER kills Gorns & Bunions.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-01-06
The Millennium In Norway.

a North European correspondent of
tho Springfield Republican q good deal
more than insinuates that the millen-
MUM has not only arrived at Norway
but that it is greater ethical success
than was anticipated. Ho conveys this
most interesting and most cheOring
piece of intelligence,
Which Klnas ana prophets waited for,
But GiCd without tho sight,
In manner rs unique as it is satisfac-
tory. Listen to him: "As we wore
driving along one day Through Nor
wayJ we saw two umbrellas hanging
on the branch of tree. Some people,
not caring to bo encumbered with
them, had left them there till they
should pass that way again. Although
1t was raining. no ono thought Of
touching them"
OBVIOUSLY no commentary can add
to tho force Of this simple, unadorned
statement Tho news from Norway
will como homo to the average man
with tho irresistible power of a steam
pile driver Norway may we'll feel that
she has fulfilled the choicest sort Of q
manifest destiny. and that she has
nothing more to live for except tho en-
joymcnt OF her triumph's crown of
triumph and tho envy OF her sister
nations. In order to rcalizo how far
behind Norway is this metropolis Of
the Now World, lot any one of our
readers who Is interested in the pro-
gress of tho race hang nice silk um-
brolIa for temporary safe keeping on
one of the trees OF Madison Square or
Central Park. A good, serviceable,
stylish silk umbrella can DO purchased
for from So to SO, and the one select
ed for this experiment should be hung
not necessarily for publication but as
q guarantee Of good faith--on limb
within easy reach OF passcrs by.-Neo
York Iii6ane.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-01-06
A Strange Legal Custom.

There are some peculiar customs in
connection with tho administration Of
tho courts Of the District of Columbia,
relics OF tho old Maryland laws, but
ono which strikes tho ordinary observ-
er as tho most peculiar is that which
requires a winning party to q civil suit
to pay for the tobacco that the Jury
which tried tho case is supposed to-
have used during the hearing of the
case. Now. 1t happens sometimes. that
not ono Of the jurors uses tobacco In
any form. and yot the pound of tobac-
CO oS It's equivalent has to DO paid the
foreman OF tho jury tho instant YER
dict has been given. AS litigants or
their attorneys are not in the habit of
carrying 80 much tobacco In their
clothing, for custom requires n pound
be given the jury. the lawyer on tho
winning side as soon as the verdict is
recorded hands tho foreman of the jury
81, whic', 70 just rs good as tho pound
of tobacco. Sometimes a jury will try
several cases day. IL thBys do thoy
will got $1 for each case, fFodi the win
ner. The jurios put 81 tlleiss tobacco
money together. aud ut the end Of the
term divide il among themselves. -
Washington Cey. Neto York Herald.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-01-06
The Buried Mother,

Out by tho walls of u Danish town
iho graves stood cod as the night oame
down.
The AnroIus prayer had long been said
hhd the bell tolcd out tho psalm for tho
dead; " ~
1t swung for II while from tho dar,.on,no
stccple,
Out of the depths" said priest and people.
Through all the clOsc.Sct town and towers
Ihc doors wCrc shut for the silent hours
But mother, buried for half year,
.n Wv okc WIN u crying In her ear.
Snc roso with the vague sleep still I'm her head
ana ciau IN the shroud that wraps the dead.
sho left the cold grave under the walls,
Gnu TOOK tho street TO her husbands halls,
She telt her lOnE-dpud bosom ache,
ror ner seven Chi drcn were oil awake;
nnd none had broken thcm bread that night,
Cr poured ihcm drink, or trimmed n light.
Hhd none had laid them pillow or sheet;
inc aust OF tho day WAS ON their feet,
Iwosirovc for an empty cup, and one
MS crying-thnt was her youngest SON.
ono washed and kissed them, and hushcd
their cries;
While tho tcnrs pressed out OF her long-dcad
eyes.
But their father. who lay on a lower floor.
Had heard her steps in tho corridor,
ana he rose md came, and saw her stand
with the children cl!nging to either hand.
Snc SAID, The cry ing sinoto my heart
II broke my dreams II death apart
was 10th to leave these seven died.
but wncn nave l slept when tho child has
cricd2 ~
rake n, t., crc pnss to my many dead.
1"ur children woke and hnd no bread
no hrc, no lamp: two were mt strife.
One cried uncontrolled Tell your wife"
-Mngnziue OF Art
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-01-06
New Houses on Old si.es.

There are. no 6oubt, many persons
now living in Rome who have beneath
them the residence Of some gentleman
of tho Middle Ages, under which. per-
haps, Is tho homo OF Roman family
Of tho timo Of tho Cesars; and this may
have been built upon tho foundations
of another Roman house. which was
considered good place to live In
some five or six hundred years before.
1t must be very satisfactory thing.
when ono is going to build house, 70
find beneath the ground some good
substantial wallis which will make ex-
collont foundations. It very often
happens that these remains Of ancient
buildings are built OF larger stones, and
are firmer and moro solid than the
houses which arc orected upon them.
Thore Is another side. however, to this
matter, and the romans of old build
ings arc frequently very much In tho
way Of those who wish to erect new
houses. for 1t does not always occur
that the ancient walls are In the right
places, or of O suitable kind. to servo
as foundations for tho modern build
ing. Then they have TO be dug up
and taken out, which Is groat labor.
There Is q handsome American church
in Rome. When this was built, the
work was mado very expensive by tho
difficulty Of getting rid of portions Of
walls, arches, rooms. and vaults which
these Romans had left behind them.
never thinking that In the course OF
ages there might be such people az
Americans who would wish TO build O
church here Rrank r. Stockton, IN
81 Nicholas for Aorembsr.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-01-06

Thoy wero engaged to DO married
and called each oiheg BY their fret
names, Tom and Fanny, and he was
telling her how ho had always liked the
name Of Fanny, and how 1t sounded
like music In his ear. II like the
name so woll," he added, as sort oi
olinchor TO the argument, "that whom
sistor Clara asked mo to namc hor pot
terrier Mt onco called 1t Fanny. after
you, dearest" III don't think that
was very nice" said the fair girl,
edging away from him; chow would
you like to have q dog named after
your" "Why. that's nothingi" said
Tom. airily; "half tho cats In tho
country are named after me-" They
don't speak now.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-01-06

ge, that saved mol" Aud he. laughing,
throw his arms around tho pretty wife
and huggcd her to his side.
Poetical justice might now have been
well satisfied, but | have u few words
further TO add upon tho subject.
Larochc, who WAS now employed as
forester upon an estate, WAS enabled
ny the assistance 0f Father Ailard to
return to his native village, where, not
long after, he Obtained IN appointment
to the very kecpcrship formerly held
by the assassin Landry.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-01-06

san ErancIsco continues one Of the
healthlest cities In tho world. with an
annual death ratio Of 1898 per thou
sand. which 10 lower than tho doath
rate In thirteen foreign cities and
eleven American cities selacted for
comparison--that is to say. Of foreign
cities. London. Liverpool, Manchester.
Sheffield. Leeds. Hull. Stockholm,
Buonos Ayres. Dublin. Belfast, Berlin.
Munich, and Hamburgh; aud Of
American cities, New York. Boston.
Pittsburgh, Washington, St. Louis,
New Orleans, Charleston, Baltimore,
Savannah. anG Richmond.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-01-06

Some OF these country landlords 8
make me tired" said drummer.
"Thoy don't know how TO keep hotel,
but they think they do, aud tho way
somo OF them blnster about and mako
themselves think they arc playing
thunder Is quito laughablc. One day
last week was In a hotel ut Peoria
eating dinnor. had just tackled q
picco OF apple pic, using my fork, Of
course, whom !he landlord happened
to come in. Imagine my surprise
upon hearing him growl out TO tho
waiter; "Why in tho devil don't you
give the gentleman knifeP You
don't expect man to cat pio with o
fork. do youp"> Chicago Herald.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-01-06

No one will question tho affirmation
Of the pestulate. that speech Is one Of
The chief and most valuable Of the tai
ents possessed by men, and that they
arc held responsible to God and man
for It's wise and baneficent use
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-01-06

A man 10 Now York who had beon
tho victim Of q card swindler. went I'M
10 court and described from memory
thirty separate marks that had been
put on as many cards by tho thumb
nail OF the sharper, each Of which iden.
tilted Its particular card
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1886-07-23
Agriculture, an English journal,

Agriculture, an English journal,
gives some attention to cattle ranch
ing and its results on our Western
plains. It appears that there are
elsven large English companies. which
own 672, ,O13 head, and own and lease,
in all, 3,319,O72 acres OF land. The
Prairie Company, organized in Edini
hnrgh about five years ago, has CAPT,
tai of over million dollars, owns
about 125, 900 cattle. It's dividends
were 20 1-2 per cent. in 1883, and 10
per cent. in 1884 and 1885, very sat-
isfactory, no doubt, to British capi-
tai. The tendency is, however, to
smaller profits, as the cattle-grazing
territory is becoming overstocked, and
prices are declining. American com
panies, to keep up dividends, make
forced sales, and thus keep up waste
full competition. While the great graz
ing companies are not meeting their
expectations, such stall-feeding as is
practiced on the farms of the Middle
and Northwestern States continues
the most profitable kind OF husband
ry commonly practiced, much more
SO than the raising of cereals for mar
kat
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1886-07-23
The St orms Of Last Week.

The rains of Thursday night were pretty
well distributed over the Northwest, and
have relieved the crops to some extent from
the severe drouth which was beginning to
DO serious injury. In many places in Mn
nesota the storms were very severe, accom-
panied by high wind and hail, which COM
plstely destroyed crops in some sections
Tho most serious damage from this cause
was at Sleepy Eye In Brown county, and at
Milbank In Big Stone county. At Benson
three different storms struck the town at
various times during the night, and about
seven thousand acres of grain near that
place were totally destroyed In Renville
county several farmers lost all their wheat
ana oats. and in Big Stone the damage was
very severe. The storm extended over
about one hundred and fifty miles through
Stevens, Big Stone, Swift, Chippewa,
Lao Qm Parle. Renyille, Redwood and
Brown counties Along the patch of
inc s1o.m nm IN every county more or less dam.
not be felt In the aggregate crop, the indi-
vidual losses are serious In many places
farmers having from 200 to 800 acres are
entirely ruined, the storm having swept
will probably reach 10000 acres, while u
much greater ar( is more or less injured
Should cool weather and light wind follow.
much of the wheat and corn beaten down
will recover. but many fields are actually
destroyed. The rain extended ever nearly
tho entire state and most Of Dakota, and il
followed by cool weather would have done
great deal more good. Since the rain the
weather has bsen intensely hot and smuggy,"
and has caused more or less alarm less the
fields should rust and blight The country
along the Northern Pacific road, and the
Manitoba from Grand Forks south, is in very
good condition, and the crops in this section,
which are directly tributary to Minneapolis,
promise fair yield
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1886-07-23

Wayne MacVeigh in his address be-
fore the Yale law school discussed the
relations OF the laboring mass and the
capitalist class. He said it will always
be true under any political system
possible for US, that the best way OF
creating proper reverence for law is
by taking care that law is worthy OF
reverence by its singleness OF devotion
to the general welfare; that the best
security for private property is in
taking care that it is only honestly
acquired; and that the best way Of
developing a patriotic spirit is by
helping to make and keep all the min
istries OF the state pure and benefi-
cient. No class OF her citizens can do
more to enable her to realize this high
idea OF good government than the
lawyers OF the country.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1886-07-23
General News Condensed.

Northwestern Railroad Bill Vetoed.
granting the right Of way through the Indi-
IN reservations OF Northern Montana to the
st. Paul &Manitoba railroad. The president
said
THE reservation referred to- stretches
ncross the extreme northern part
oi Montana Territory, with british
America for its northern boundary. u
cantains an area OF over thirty Thousand
square miles. 1t is dedicated to Indian
occupancy by the treaty OF Oct. II, 1896,
and the act OF congress OF April Is, 1864.
The surrounding country is sparseiy set
tied, and | have been unable to as
rertain that the necessities of commerce
or any public exisences demand this
legislation which would affect so seriously
the rights and interests OF the Indians oc
cupying the reservation. The bill is in the
nature ola general light OF way for railroads
through the Indian reservation. The In
Gian occupants have not given their con-
sent TO it, neither have they been consult
ed regarding it. nor is there any provision
IN 1t Tor securing theiI consent or agree
ment to the location or construction of
railroads upon their lands. 1t ignores the
right OF the Indians to be consulted as to
the disposition OF their lands. 1t invites a
general invasion OF the Indian country"
The veto OF President Cleveland will seri-
ously affect the plans OF Mr.. Hill and the
Manitoba company. Mr. Hill h had in
view for a long time the building of line
from DEVILS Lake to the Great Falls of the
Missouri, and also line north from He
lena to a connection with the Canadian
Pacific. The latter is now in process of
construction, and because OF the veto, will
not extend beyond Benton or some point
"a that vicinity south OF the reservation.