The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-09-23
WIT AND HUMOR.


ing fought, it is now proposed to place
them on the pension list.-Hacon Iege-
graph.
Miss Braddon is writing tale en-
titled Engaged in Haste" II is prob
ably satire on the messenger boys
Life.
There is place in Pennsylvania
called Economy" 1t is probably
snmmer-resort for editors.-Nesc Hdven
NeUs
''Garmenls without buttons" are adj
vertised. We've got 'em, and so has
every other bachelor.-Neao HdoeH
Netos.
There are 1,027 women over 100 years
of age in Paris; at least there are that
number of women in the ballet of the
grand opera.-Net0 Hauen Nea0S.
When it comes to discussing money
ed men a newspaper man depends
entirely upon his imagination and does
beautiful work Minneapolis Tribune
The Sphinx was a woman. or at least
a creature with the body of a lion and
the head of woman. That solves the
mystery and all is clear-she is jealous
ly hiding the secret of her age--Ie1as
Sttings.
The female bather at Newport goes
right out of the water and reports to
Mrs. Howe the moment she sees some
one in the water VINO does not belong
to her set, or who has not been intro
duced.-NeW Orleans Picayune.
Were you at the sociable last night?"
Eyes, and | spent very pleasant even
ing" Il heard Miss Y was to sing
there. l suppose you enjoyed that?'
Ever SO much. She had sore throat
and couldn't sing" - Philadelphia
Call
eyes" SAID Featherly. ''if my grand
father were alive he would be 103 years
old to-day" You don't say so. ex-
claimed Dumley, very much impressed.
"One hundred and three years old 1t
doesn't seem possible. ''-Neao York
Times.
Overheard in a street-car: Il tried to
kiss my wife at the front door tonight
as l was leaving home, and, do you
know, she wouldn't let me. She said
she didn't want the neighbors to be TAX
ing her for the hired girl!'-BnfaIo
Express.
A young lady singing a sentimental
romanza displayed not only an extror-
binary talent but set of enormous
teeth. ''Ah," SAID lady auditor to her
husband, what a grand organ!" Per
feet" reioined her husband, "even
to the keyboard in her mouth. TROY
Times.
Prof. Dryasdust-Have you read my
essay? Noted Scientist--Yes, and with
much profit. you understood it,
did hope it would not be su h failure
as that. | intended it for the Con-
cord School of Philosophy. Omaha
World.
DR.. Gimlet returns empty-handed from
a days hunting, and in response to his
wife's inquiries candidly confesses that
he killed nothing. why" retorts Mrs.
g., slowly, you could have done bet
Ter than that had you staid at home and
attended to your regular business. y
LOaDeU Citizen.
Captaln-Sergt. Jones reports that
you were drunk again last night. What
excuse have you this time? Private
Well, captain, | saw fellows from all
the commands whooping her up at
the suffers and not wishing them to
think our company was anything mean,
went in for esprit de corps" -Loa0ell
Citizen.
A ponderous old man, who occupied
the entire seat in car on the George
town branch, snapped out to boy in
front of him, ''Why don't you get up
and give that lady seat?" why
don't you get up yourself and give her
two?" was the reply. But the old par
ty didn't get up, all the same.-V aLIeu
Visitor
You sit on your horse like BUTCH
Ell" said pert young officer, who hap
pened to be of royal blood, to a veteran
general who was somewhat bent from
age. at is highly probable" respond
ed the old warrior, with grim smile;
ut is because all ny life I've been lead
ing calves to the slaughter. "-Fhegers-
de BLaettsr.
Guibollaru's son was engaged to be
married, but he was terribly afraid OF
matrimony. His father, indignant at
such unmanly feelings: Look here,
my son, am l not married." "Y-e-e-s,
papa, but you see it isn't the SESAME
thing, Fo-o-o-u see. You m-m-m-arried
mamma, while ] shall have to m-m-m-
AIRY neutrality-suspicious. Fun.
Life-insurance agent (to applicant)-
Il see our physician has pronounced
you in robust health, and considers you
perfectly safe risk. Applicant-"Yes;
I'm in good health" Agent-"What
is your businessP" Applicant-''Pm a
baseball umpire" Agent. Sorry, sir;
but l shall have to decline such risk.
The company won't have it."-New
York San.
A correspondent says that when Mas
sood Mira, the Persian heir, is talking
to person he generally shuts his left
eye. If his Highness were to visit this
country, ana stop in several drug stores
during an afternoon for plain, every
day, untrimmed soda water, his legs
would soon become so demoralized that
he would be unable to convey them
NorriStO1Cp Herald.
by an unfortunate typographical err
ror," explains the contrite editor of a
Dakota paper, 1--WE were made to say
last week that our distinguished towns
man, Prof Kennedy, was about to rig
up nobby babboon for the comfort
and enjoyment of his daughter on her
wedding trip over the prairies. What
we meant to say was nobby balloon.
We write this with our left hand, while
lying on our spare bed, with one eve
entirely closed and the other hand
painted, and an inverted chair across
our stomach for writing table. The
extent of our regret for the blunder may
be measured by the difficulties we have
surmounted in penning this explana-
ton"
A Washington clerk is authority for
the following story: Gov. Thompson,
the new assistant secretary, who sue
ceeded William Z. Smith in that posi-
ton, has been tormented by large