The Emporia weekly news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1881-1889, 1886-01-07
WTr AND HuMOR
Ar RoRrx-om.


1msss the msTry laugh. the lishtso1s FlcEdc
miss the laughing liz ana reedy 5sstt
i miss the buoyant pen, % lightly stlEFS4
BY every breeze CT Thoughts. WITH sirsle.1
ImIss tie eager soul ofrestaess sSzsnty-ays,
But, nh, I gain % many things; md
A whole tert-acre patch Of mental HORNS
That scrnsch IN vain 5 patient t. =
I flnd two loose shoes fuI Of sleeping 3
I'd not change lcts with sny youngsfS
W -Burdstas,
A hen hat cackles when she's laid no egE
Resembles surely in G certain way
Sweet William Morris, for he says that h
1.-THE Idle Singer OF an Empty lay
81 haven't a wrap said she sweetly. a
tNever wrap 20 wear
"And haven't . rap TO buy you one,s
boston Buds
Eternal Rome, seated on seven hflls,
And big with conquest and ambitaoE
Sent forth her legions thick as Egypt
To grind expressing nations to fhe
And Rome stu stands. immortal and
Her hamlet Is there where We may nd
They still so forth-their mission
-californsa Nave
o. the differencel Butcher-.sF
house steak, madam?n LandladE
boarding-house."
It is curious fact that rich relsz
are apt to- be distant ones.-L<lrlf3o
(N.1 Free Press.
Grover, says the PittSburg Chronioi
neglected his opportunity. BE said I'd
thing about baseball after all.
An Arizona paper tells of two wei
known local sports who shot each othe
to death the other day. and concludes b
saying: ''The sad affair is to be regreb|
ted as both the gentlemen were zealoua
reformers."
German humor: "Her Professor, how
do you like my new tragedyP'' VERY
much, indeed. Especially the robbers
they are first rate. In fact, they are the
best thieves ever heard of; even
words they speak are stolen from d
books"
What do these letters stand
asked a curious wife of her husband
she looked at his Masonic seal. sW
really, my love-" he replied encouras
ingly, '1presume it is because they can
sit down." She postponed further ques
tioning.
We don't mind taking country product
occasionally in payment for subscripl.
ton, but we do object to having sub
scribers send in s or 10 year old roostars
with note attached to credit them with
pair of chickens.-RingStols IN O.
Ienaizer.
In treating of the Adirondacks thu
new '.History of Essex County" says In
an explanatory foot-note: This Indiau.
name is derived from Iroquois words
'Ga-ron-dah' (trees) and :Ha-des' lthev
eat). Hence the word sHa-de-ron-dack
(wood or tree eaters). "-SardtoSG JoHF-
nal.
A stranger in the Capital City of Tex
as, who seemed to be lost, asked Gus de
Smith: ''Say. how do get to the rail-
road depot?" Say what?" ''Say, how
do get to the railroad depotP'' How
do get to the railroad depot? Any
thing else you want me to sayP"-Tezas
SJtfngs.
A correspondent wants to know why
it is that fashionable physicians always
make callers wait such an unconscious
ably long time. Also. why it is that
such callers are always SO pervnded
with gloom. He asks if anybody ever
saw anybody smile in doctors recep1
tion-room.
Old gent-''Five dollars! What do
you want five dollars forP'' Tramp-'sI
want it to make up my fare TO Louis
VILE" ''Got relatives thereP'' NO
not exactly. hear they have whisky
pool there, and want to be on hand
when it's opened to the public. Patio
delpEiG Call.
A negro minstrel in New York named
AlcNish, received terrible shock iateIy
from putting his hand on o window
guard accidentally charged with elec..
tricity. 1t looks as if Providence wepA
at last taking cognizance of the qua
of the average minstrel's iokes.-0A
go Tribune.