The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-06-23
CLASHES Of fun.

Butter, butter, nice and fair:
how [ wonder what you are /; are
you really what you seem? Were
you made of grease, or cream ?
aIook here, judge" said the bur-
glar, 81 amt so bad as you think I
am. Only give me time and I'll re-
form" And the judge gave him ff
teen years.
A little boy whose sprained
wrist had been relieved by bathing
in whisky surprised his mother by
asking: odd papa ever sprain his
throat when he was a boy?
"A Newbergh woman has re-
ceived $4,000 damages for a broken
rib, and her husband has figured up
that at this rate she is worth
$4,000.
Rather embarrassing. Boy
why, your face isn't very long, is
it?" "Visitor.-"Not SO very, why
do you askY Boy.-"Cause pa said
you come from Chicago here on it,"
-Minister.-"Now, my young
friends, you live in the country.
Does the Bible say anything to far
mers" Tack Hayseed.-"Yes, sir,
St. Paul devoted two books to Tim
othy alone" .s...' ...r. =
.-"Mr. Smith, I suppose you have
the letters of that sign, Beware of
the dog large, in order that 'he who
runs may read p" "Well, yes, or
rather, so that he who reads may
run
Evangelist Moody refused S.
600 to sit for his photograph. He
was probably afraid it would get in
to the illustrated dailies as a por-
trait of some famous murderer or
notorious politician. Mr.. Moody is
~wise.-Minaeapohis Tribune. 81.
-"Have you heard about Blick-
er?" "No; what's up now p They
say he's struck natural gas" MAT
ural gas! Well, l should think so |!
He's married a woman who talked
three men to death before she was
forty."-Denver Opinion.
-"My little boy" said a gentle
man, "you ought not to eat those
green apples they are not good for
little boys" "They amt, Ell 4? Guess
you don't know much about 'em
mister. Three of these apples'll keep
me out Of school for a week" ...,...
Bachelor friend (to recently
married man).-"W Why this defect
ion, dear boy? Have you suffered
a disappointment "Yes-my wife
cannot sing" "Why, that should
not distress you. I think you are to
be congratulated" "Ah, but she
thinks she can"
"A Scotch dominic, after relating
to his scholars the story of Ananias
and Sapphire, asked them why God
did not strike everybody dead who
told a lie. After a long silence, one
little fellow got to his feet and ex-
claimed: Because, sir, there wadna
be onybody left"
"A little Fort Atkinson girl, four
years old, was standing at a window
looking at a load of hides which was
passing by. Jumping down from
her chair she ran into the kitchen
exclaiming: Mamma, mamma,
there goes a lot of tails and hides to
make some more COWS on
Little girl from Chicago-"Our
family is a more aristocratic family
than yours" Little girl from Bos-
ton-"No it isn't. My mother can
boast of her forefathers for the past
two centuries" Little cir, from Chi
cago-"Oh, hat is nothing. My
mother can boast of four husbands
in the last two years.
Call.
First Hen.-"There comes the
m to drive us out Of her gard
en-" Second Hen-Yes, and she's
picking up a stone, too! Let's fly
out quick First Hen.-"No {, no
stay here."-Second Hen" But
she's aiming right for u.s." First
Hen" Yes, and if we move we
might get hit" .4fso a.s'' '
Mr.. Hubbard had a petition to
present to the House Of Commons
recently, from the Young Mems
Christian Association, praying fol