The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1886-03-06
.iIEEf. Ed IETUUR.

THE hardest thing in the world for
young woman to do is to look uncoD-
| cerned the first time she comes out in a
| handsome engagement ring.
WHEN the mistress was surprised
| that the guests left the pa te de foiegras
| untouched, Bridget explained: "Shure,
an OF axed them would they have
some Patsy Fogarty, an they all sed
no."
CONVERSATION overheard between q
Hebrew gentleman and his young son
in New York: Father, give me a
quarter?" ''Nat for, mine SOM" Il
want to take bath" IVA, IL the
winter 2"-Providence Star.
"MY son. why do yourattle the pen
MES out OF your money-box and then
drop them back again ?' the railroad
president asked his isittleboy. "I'm de-
claring a quarterly dividend, papa"
answered the innocent child.
Giving in Dakota now are you?"
"Yes." "Weli, how is business up
there" ," ooh, our business is flour
ishing. Eyes, | knew that was your
business, but are you making a living
at it"
PHKESoLoGIsT: ''Hour bump OF imagi-
nation is abnormally large, sir. You
should write poetry" Cltizen-"I do
write poetry. Only yesterday | took
| a poem to an editor, and that buml
you are feeling is where he hit me
Don't bear on SO hard
STARRUCK says ne never could under
stand the expression, "fair women
and brave men," until a few days
ago. He went to church fair last
week, and says 1t was brave man
who would encounter one OF those fair
women.-Palmer Journal.
TRYING to Offset a Bill-Landlord
Ito physician)-'I called in this morn
ing for the rent, doctor" Physician
Him, yes. You are not looking
well this morning, Mr. Norepairs.
Evidently a bilious attack. | think
had better write you out a prescrip-
ton" Landlord - cautiously -
Lets fix up the rent first"
CoNsoLATIoN-Mr. Dean (sympa-
thetically)-"Ah, my poor fellow, your
case is very sad, no doubt, But re.
member that the rich have their trou-
bles, too. / dare say, now, you can
scarcely realize what it Is not TO know
where to find an investment which
will combine adequate security with a
decent interest on ones money"
The Fizzletop children were playing
with their toys. Johnny, you are
spelling the whole game. You are the
biggest donkey | ever saw" said little
Mamie. Col. Fizzletop (reprovingly)
why, Mamie, | am surprised"
Mamie Indignantly yl-"Why, pa, |
didn't mean you. You amt the big
gest donkey | ever saw."-TsXas Sift-
Ings.
"How are you getting on?" asked
Yeast OF young Crlmsonbeak, whom
he met on the street the other day.
'First-rate, " was the young mans re-
ply. "What are you doing?" further
queried Yeast. I'm medical di-
rector in an institution down town"
"a medical director" eyes; you see
direct envelopes in a patent medicine
house" "Oh. ."-Youkers Statesman
WHAT is the reason you Cincinnati
people are always engaged in some riot
or other?" asked a stranger. 81
dunno" said a citizen. "You can buy
beer for 3 cents q glass, can't you@'
"Yes." "With free lunch thrown in ?"
"Yes." "Well, what more do you
want Some people are never satisfied.
Ii | should make you a present of 81
you would kick because it wasn't 81.
Life.
"OH, mamma" said the landlady's
daughter, ''Mr. Dumley has just paid
me such a compliment" :" Indeed"
replied the landlady severely. 81 wish
he would pay me something. What
was the compliment ?" "Hesaid that
the picture Of the brace OF quails which
| have just finished for the dining
room is done so artistically that the
very sight of it gives him an appetite"
HIM You take that picture down
at once and hang it in my rOom."-
Indianapolis Times.
AUNT JOHANNA spending a few days
with her niece e)-And so you belong to
a cooking club, Matilda. Do you find
that yougain any practical knowledge
from your lessons? Matilda-Oh. yes,
indeed, aunt. You spoke last night at
dinner OF the cOquiLe of chicken, you
know. Aunt Johanna-Yes, it was
delicious. Matilda-( (triumphantly) -
Well, that was our last lesson. Our
teacher made it for US, and / was
so delighted with it that before ever
came home / drove around to the ca
terer's and ordered it ut once.-New
York Sun.
A SAD faced country editor, with
fringe on the heels OF his trousers and
the wind signing mournfully through
his whiskers, sat in his sanctum, think
ing-thinking. Presently a shadow
fell across the room, and a voice de-
manded to know il he was the editor.
Eyes, sir" he said, with a look OF
alarm. Then the owner Of the voice
mopped the floor with the editor and
went his way. Thank heaven" ex-
claimed the editor, after he had gath
cred the wreck Of his former self to-
gether and had Strengthened up the
furniture, "life IS still worth living. !
expected every minute that he woul
tell me- 70 stOn his papar ''-Ijtr