Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-09-26

1t is time that vigorous protest was sent
ringing throughout ChriStendom against the
edict of dudes aud lOaferS, who try tn flat
ter themselves that they are funny, but who
only succeed in wearying the world with
their thin platitudeS. These dreary and
dOlcful alleged ways infest steam ears and
thcaterS and ring chestnut bells and pound
chestnut gOngS against old jokes. Why,
bless their watery intellects! There are no
Jokes that are not old-no jokes that are
genuine, and worth working off, and the
right to indulge in twiee-told or even a
thousand times repeated tale, is inalienable
common to all men.
The best Jokes now current were doubt
their descent to Adam, the wittiest (be-
cause the only man OF his time. The only
joke that was ever uttered, and worked up
into manifold varieties and phrases, that
cannot be reasonably saddled upon our
honOred and undoubtedly humorous COM
mon father, is the gray-haired witticism
about the mother-in-law, and the only rea-
son why Adam did not get it of and work
II to death was because the mother-in-law
was not invented until long after his time.
But we may say that Adam originated the
germ of the joke by asserting that 1.-THE
woman gave him of the fatal fruit, and
intinating that he had to eat II.
The man who would wipe out the old
..t g n,,l t,x. n,
substitute new ones would assume to make
desert waste of the social life of the
period. The joke that has stood the scru-
tiny and criticism of ages, is the joke that
will wash" and endure, TO the end. Ii is
the joke that will touch the popular heart /;
stir il into heslthful exercise; send the
pure blood cOurSing through the system, TO
generate warmth and comfort, and give
cheerfulness and brilliancy to the individual
horizon and zenith.
Go to, thou defamer and despOier of
cheStnuts Chestnuts are the richest fruit
of our forests. A chestnut well masticated
is good food. The chestnut tree, in bloom,
is one of the most beautiful spectacles in
wood or field, and the Iipe nut is in itself a
little gem, too pretty to eat, but so much
better than il looks that we are forced to
eat it. Avast, thou lubber. HE thee to a
hennery. Shall we reject good thing be-
cause it is old? Not by any manner of
means. The oldest good things are the best.
The grandeSt men are the Oldest. The
most glorious women are those whose heads
are lighted with the glory that shines upon
them from beyond the river. Old books,
old principles, old memories and traditions
are they not the best?
Let us therefore assert our natural and
constitutional rights, and adhere TO the God
given chestnut and when we are catering
to our intellectual tastes let us get the best
of the worlds jokes and do our duty to the
millions yet to be, by reviving, enjoying
and handing down to posterity.the precious
and classical witticisms of the remotest
ages. And let US quietly sit down on those
assuming asses who advertise to give us
an entire evenings entertainment of
absolutely new jokes. Away with them.
IL thtu Johto arc soou dicS dic ho' ho"'
IL they are really new, they are not good.
There is no new thing under the sun. Wit
and humor. as well as history, are contin-
ualIy repeating themselves, to the delight
of the people of all climates and periods.
The Jokes that convulsed our grandfathers
have thrilled our own diaphragms and will
tickle the fancies and warm the mental
and physical interiors of our children's
children to the latest generations.
The Springfield district telegraph system
had better inaugurate more efficient serv-
abominable.