The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-06-03
HUMOR.

A GOOD listener is always popular.
and, besides, his tongue seldom lead
him into trouble.
CUsroMER-"Give me q dozen fried
OYSTERS" Waiter-"Sorry, sab, but
ives all out O. shellfsh, sab, 'ceptins
eggs"
BY actual count 1t has been discov-
cred that man can shoe horse in
seven minutes less than a woman can
shoe hen.
A MERCHANT is going to have his
name stamped on 30, 900, 900 toothpicks.
He seems DESTROYS of having his name
in everybody's mouth.
THERE'S money in mines, says a
financial exchange. We don't doubt
it; but it is very hard to get il out
sometimes. Boston Courier.
THE South Americans put up sausages
in bark. Concerning this no comment
is necessary, only to say that the South
Americans desire to preserve every
phase of the dog.
A KANSAS man is saving wood in the
Navy Yard at Washington. Thus the
unexpected happens. He went there
for postoffice commission, and, up TO
date, can only say, Il came, L saw"
THE rules of the house have been
revised. Guest: Bring me some smelt."
Waiter: 1--WE have no smelt, but we
have Goldfish" Il want smelt." well,
sir, the Goldfish will be smelt as soon as
it is brought in"
"HAvE you any reason to offer why
sentence should not be passed upon
you?" asked the Judge of the female
pawnbroker who had been arrested for
extortion. please, your Honor, 1
throw myself on the mercy of the
court. L am a poor loan woman. -
Rambler.
at is easy to see that this preacher
is not a college graduate" remarked
the sporting editor. "What preacher?"
asked the horse editor a man in New
York. he preached a sermon from
where are the nine? How does
that show he is not a college grad
uate?" why, college graduate would
have the position of every baseball
club in the country right at his finger
ends. "-PihSburgh Chronicle.
TENNEssEE's distinguished historian,
Judge Haywood, was once presiding in
a case where q woman was being tried
for some offense in which the evidence
was clearly against her. At the close
of the trial the Judge, in giving the
case to the jury, said: Gentlemen, you
have heard the evidence and you know
the law" Then, after pause: There
is no punishment man can infiict upon
q woman and still be man." The
woman was acquitted by the jury with
out leaving the box.-JdckSon (Tenn.)
Blade.
DISTANCE LENDS ENCHANTMENT.
She declained with fervid vigor the mis-
cry of the Digger, cut most dramatic figure
while lamenting his condition.
And she said the bare Numidian, and the much
tanned Abyssinau, and the Cannibal and
Guinean overlooked her with contrition.
And her deep signs weighed the breezes for
those lands where bread nor cheese is for
the Turks and the Chineses she was filled
with deep emotion.
And her ardent love was greater all the more
she strove to cater to those tribes beyond
the equator, or across n distant ocean.
And like Rachel, that sweet Jcwess, she wept
tears as thick as glue is at the action Of st.
Louis and Chicago's degradation;
And that these towns where such sin Is, such n
race for golden guineas, might be made as
good as Lynn is, was her prayer and sup
plcation.
And the wild men of Alaska or of barbarous
Madagascar she would say If you should
ask her, that she loved them deep and ten
While her husband. luckless victim looked as
if the Fates had licked him. and, through
back streets where they kicked him, walked
about with one su5pender.
LINN Union