The Press., 1886-01-07
THE LIME KILN CLUE.


 NEW RULES - THE PRESIDENT PHrLoso- PHIzEs ON THE MULE, THE WEATHER AND coRNs.
 There was an unusually large turnout at the regular Saturcay night meeting, and the half dozen Chinese lanters which Giveadam Jones had purchased at his own expense and hung up around the hall pro- dnced, what Samuel Shin termed, "A spectacled effect of de widest disorder. It was announced that the following new rules and regulations would govern until further orders
 The hour for opening the regular meetings will be o'clock.
 No clay pipes over one year old can be smoked in the library without special permis- sion.
 The eating of peanuts, popcorn, candy, etc.; during session is calculated to divert at tention from the solennity of the occasion, and is therefore discouraged. Members who bring their dogs with them must be prepared for the worst
 Any member found with his hat on after the triangle has sounded will be fined not less than $4O0.
 All religious and political discussion is strictly forbidden Members are also asked ed to abstain from telling fish stories or re- lating adventures with snakes and Indians.
 "Gem'len," sad the president, as he softly rose up aud calmly looked down on the shining pates of Sir Isaac Walpole and Elder Toots, t'dar am some few things 1t would be we'll for you to disreckolect
 "De man who sots on de fence when de sun shines will be diggiu fur grub when it rains
 "Industry may make de back ache, but she fills de stomach an kivers de feet
 ''De man who wants satisfaxshun by law will sat 'sfy de lawyers soon dan hisself | "KnOckin' a man down bekase he diff fers wid you doan' prove de trrf of your own posishun.
 "De less a man knows de mo anxious he seems to be to make de public believe he am statesman.
 "Let us now attack the reg lar program my and destroy de bizneas which has call ed us tOgeder.
 The secretary called attention to the following paragraph in the New York Sun 'Danforth Smith, a colored resident of Hoboken, was yesterday fined $2O and sent to jail for three months, for brutal trnatment of his mule. He is said to be a member of Brother Gardner's Lime Kiln Club. "
 "Does this cognomen appear on our rolls ?" asked the president.
 "Yes, sah. He jined dis club one var
 
 for his child-like disposition.
 "You will at once notify him dat he am suspended fur six months-not fur wollip- in de mule, exactly, but mo- bekase he was caught in the act and sent to jail. l towns mule myself, and while I strive to be placid an forgivin' am charitable, dar am occasions when I has de ole woman lock me up down cellar an stand at de doah wid shot gun. If she didn't l should jump in on dat mule, an pound him till his life was distinct While sympathize wid Brudder Smith, he mus stan suspended in deference 10 public opinyun."
 Giveadam Jones offered resolution to the effect that the club adopt Professo l Wiggins' weather predictions up to Jan. ].
 Shindig Watkins objected. He didn't believe in binding the club to patronize any particular prophets weather. Elder Toots favored the idea. Wiggins had pre- dicted mild winter, and if there was any mild winter lying around loose he wanted one. Rev. Penstock opposed the resolu- tion. Wiggins had predicted rainy sum- mer, and he had purchased 8 new pork barrel to put under the caves on the strength of it. The bottom of the barrel had scarcely been wet this season.
 "Gemlen said the president, with a desire to cut short further debate. "I reckon dis club had better take de weather I'as we find it. De prudent man will pile up de wood, stock in de meat and taters, and depend upon Providence for an airly spring. De resolution am declar'd outer order"
 The secretary then announced the fol following from Point Pleasant, W. Va.
 I see that the Lime Kiln Club folks are not admirers of 'colored corn doctors" Being 8 corn doctor and toe nail parer, I most earn. estly protest against the late action of the club, and hope it will be reconsidered. sm also the proprietor and manufacturer ot ''MacamNy's Lightning Corn Exterminator, ' and shah forward free trial bottle to any one obtaining the certificate of Brother Gard ner that he is member in good standing il the Lime Kiln Club. Yours respectfully,
 --, PHLEGM MACAMEY.
 The tender-hearted Samuel Shin moved that the vote of censure on the profession be reconsidered, but cries of "No! no ?