Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-11-17
NEWSPAPER WIT.

| GILL.
A TEXAS farmer says that three bull
dogs roaming the yard at night will do
more to keep man honest than all
the talking in the world.
81 WISH you would call me at six in
future, Mrs. Gray" CAL right, Mr..
Jones; but it's quite early for you"
"Well, yes; the boss is taking ansinter-
est in me, and so am bound to RISE
AN Aberdeen critic writes: ave read
in Longfellow that he wishes men
could make love like B. bird" Man
does, MIR. Longfellow; he makes love
like goose.
"MY dear children" said Deacon
Bucrag, addressing the scholars, "can
you tell me why you come to Sunday
SCHOOL," "'Cause our pas would
wallop us if we didn't j." promptly re-
sponded small scholar.-Lte.
THE eminent Boston doctor who
lives on Beacon Street and ssmay be
seen every forenoon briskly taking his
constitutional down and up the broad
walk on the Common" is liable to be
convicted of mall practice.-LoweH
| Courier.
81 WANT to ask you question:" re-
marked themajor. Proceed, "replied
the Judge. CATER the sheriff has
hanged one of these Chicago Anarchists
would it be proper for him to sing out
'neckst p" cit would knot. "-Arkan-
saw Traveller.
A MAN in Pittsburg, Pa, after sit
ting through one act of an emotional
drama the other night found bis right
side entirely paralyzed. Well, even
that's an Improvement on going out
between the acts and getting "para-
lyzed. "-Yonkers Statesman.
A NORRIsTOWN man who listened to
suffering speaker the other evening
says he hopes the post Office depart
ment will extend to him the benefit of
the immediate delivery" system be-
fore he attempts to make another
speech. Herald.
A POET sings, Chow shall Ipaint my
sweetheart ?' Don't paint her at all,
young man. Painted girls are not
looked upon with favor in this section
of the country. Your friends would
take her for a. ST. Louis girl, and that
would never do.-Bufalo Courier.
A BRIGHT little 6-year-old girl in
town near by, who was to give g. party,
remarked to her father on the morn
ing of the eventful day that she
thought the children must all be COM
ing, for she hadn't received any 'sre-
greterations. ''-C0rtIand Standard.
A JOYOUS greeting-"Good morning.
How do you dor" said Miss Birdie
McGinnis to Kosciusko Murphy. 81
have been to San Antonio, and have
just got back ON the train" "You
don't say so? / thought I had the
pleasure of not seeing you for several
days past. "-Texas SiftiDgst.
SOMETHING new: Mrs. Riseinlard
fwho has been invited to lunchl-
"Dear ms! This is delicious. May I
ask what Wand this is?'' Mrs. Home
spun-'This is hash" Mrs. Risein-
lard 81 don't think [ ever encoun
tered it before; but it is very nice.
You really must give me the recipe. p
Chicago Rambler.
HoUsEKEEPER to her marketman-
$50, Mrs. Judge Briarly next door is
a relative of yours?" Marketman-
What put such an idea as that into
your head ?" Housekeeper-@ think
she told me 80 herself" Marketman
ooh. I see. She probably told you
that we were connected by tele-
phone. "-LOWeH Courier.
OMAHA man at a restaurant)-
'May / trouble you for the salt ?''
Cowboy from Wayback-"Yo bet you
kin, stranger. Don't care for salt my
SELF" "I should consider it a very
necessary part of diet. A Berlin scien-
fist proves conclusively that the gen.
erous use of salt is conducive to long
evity." "Wall, there's no denyin'
that fellers as is too fresh don't live
long out our ."-Omaha World.
DEACON WH1M- "Well, my dear, do
you think we ought to give the Rev.
Newcomer call?" Mrs. Whim-.sBy
all means. He is just the man we
want" 'sI am surprised to hear you:
say that. His trial sermon was fear
fully dull" eyes, know, but did you
notice his wife? She wore the cheap
est kind of a dress and a bonnet three
years old. if q day. Such 81 model of O.
minister's wife can't be found often"
Omaha World.
SEEDY INDIvmUAL-I would like to
get measured for g. suit. Fashionable
Tailor (suspiciously)-At about what
price, sin? Seedy Individual-It makes
no difference. Fashionable Tailor las
before) We generally require depos-
it from unknown parties, Speedy In
dividual (cslmly)-I do not wish you
to make the suit. It has been so long
since I enjoyed this experience that I
simply wish tc get measured.-Phila-
delphia Cali.
HARMONY restored: Mrs. Shipper
ton, recently married New York lady,
rebuked her maid for her sloWness.
"You arc the most bri1ing servant girl
I ever had. Are you never going to
get through with your work?
You csn 60 on the 1st. ! have no
more use for you. You have not got
one redeeming quality" '.No wonder
I never get through with my work."
replied the shrewd mental. s'You sing
and play at the piano so beautifully,
and have to stop my work to listen
to you. l can't help loving good
music" ~ was only joking about