Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-02-24
NEWSPAPER WIT.

10 wv dSnl1lSUOu, W11oOo OhCoo Az
been all through the national capital
and considerable Of his own.-LoWeH
Citizen.
A GOOD old Boston divine strenuous
ly objects to having his sermons print
ed on the same page with advertise
ments OF good old bourbon.-Boston
Herald
MY son, when you run for Office re-
member that a lump of sugar will at
tract more flies than can light on it,.
This is the first great lesson in Ameri-
can politics. Macon Telegraph.
ISAAC (instructing his son)-"Ven
you zell 3 coat to q man vot wants q
coat, dots nodding, aber ven you zell
q coat to a man vot don'd want g.
coat, dots peezness my boy-dot's
peezness. 1.-The Rambler.
''NEVER leave what you undertake
until you can reach your arms around
it and clasp your hands on the other
side" is the advice of a contempora-
neous economist. But suppose, in
the effort, your hand encounters the
pin in her apron Chicago Telegram.
BIDoN, a soldier of the line arrives in
Paris from Formosa with wooden
leg. "Noble hero" says M. Opportun
Prudhomme, "Thanks to you, France
has one foot in China" Bidon, inno-
Gently. cit is indeed true, and it is I
who has left it there"
IN order to avoid the difficulties of
a presidential succession an unrecog-
nized statesman proposes to elect
three vice-presidents instead OF one.
Great Scott! One vice-president has
been known to kill q ticket. No par
ty could carry three.-New Orleans
Picayune.
OAKLAND gentleman smoking pipe,
to crusty fellow traveller els smok-
ing offensive to you, sir?" Crusty
fellow traveller eyes, SIR, it is; it
makes me sick" Oakland gentleman
following rings up to the ceiling)-
Well, it does affect a great many peo-
pie that way" Paris News.
''THIs natural gas is wonderful
thing" remarked Mrs. Fangle, as she
sat before the fire at Mrs. Snaggs'.
eyes, indeed, it is" replied Mrs.
Snaggs. 81 wonder how they get it,
and why we never had it before ?" "In-
deed / don't know a thing about it.
[ never studied astronomy PITTS
burg Chronicle.
APPLIED SCIENCE. = Miss Joy
Madame, Mr.. Foster has come to take
me for 8 drive. May I go for drive?
Madame-You know Miss Joy the
rules of Vassar do not allow it, unless
you are engaged-are you engaged to
Mr.. Foster? Miss Joy (doubtfully)-
Mo, buff you will let me go I
shall be by the time we get back
Lie.
AT the meeting in New Era Hall
Thursday evening, for the purpose of
organizing a Hat Trimmers' Associa-
ton, to include women engaged In the
occupation indicated, one of the femi-
nine speakers remarked: "We desire
mutual protection as well as men,"
The 100 young ladies present ap-
plauded enthusiastically. = Boston
Post.
ME-. HILARIoN has still, although
verging on the passe, some pretensions
to beauty. She is speaking of her lit
tie nose, which is finely shaped and
delicate. would any one think it has
served me for twenty seven years ?"
ooh, OH" exclaims friend. "Have
you counted correctly? 1t seems to
me it is very small for it's age'.'-
French.
A VERY loquacious lady, calling one
day to consult her physician, talked
on and on with such volubility that the
latter could not get In a word edgewise.
Growing impatient, he at length told
her to put out her tongue, which she
did He then said: s'Now, please
keep it there until you have heard
what [ am going to say to you. .
4rgOnaut.
II DO not feel the pulsations In your
wrist" said doctor to the funny
man, who was quite Ill. ''That is not
strange" replied the sick man. at is
strange, indeed" SAID the doctor, ''as
you are not dangerously Ill there
should be some signs OF life IN your
pulse" mot al all, sir. Try the 9TH
er one; this one is my humor-wrist. >
National TFeekly.
LOOK out, John, what you're do
ing" shouted Mrs. Crimsonbeak, as
her husband was about to take seat
IN q large Christmas mince pie which
HaQ O664 I6IU III a. OlulnS-fOCm CHAR
TO cool. "Well," added Johnny, after
the excitement had subsidized, sit
wouldn't be the first time father had
gone back on your nlince pies. p
YOnkers Statesman.
AT the recent election one Of Lord
Folkestone's placards was: vote for
Folkestone and Religion" These
were stuck up on the advertising
boards Of public houses. But the
placards did not quite reach to the
bottom Of the boards, SO that they
read: Vote for Folke8tone and Re-
ligion, warranted genuine from the
Brewers. "-L0nd0n Truth.
A SAUG,DERVlLLE schoolgirl lately
puzzled her teacher with the inquiry:
III the Oldest child Of an English ruler
succeeds to the throne, what would
happen if the Oldest child was twins ?"
The girl was very surprised at the