Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1886-06-03
AUCTIONS.
BY ANNIE 4. MYERS

1t is a matter of history that women in
Babylon were publicly auctioned off to the
highest bidders for wives.
This sale occurred annually among those
old heather, at which time all virgins of
manageable age we're required to as
semble at a certain place in their respective
districts, and thither hocked all the gay and
frolicsome young pagans to select their
wives.
No doubt the dandies fiuttered and
bobbed around, stopped here and there,
put their turbaned heads together for con-
| tidential confabs, much after the fashion
of the busy bee around an Intoxicating
clover blossom. The young fellows whose
silken purses were we'll lined with gold and
silver consulted and compared notes as to
the comparative beauty of the candidates to
come under the auctioneer's hammer, gave
passing attention to the probabilities in re-
gard to the dispositions and tempers of the
respective mothers in-law elect, while the
dusky swain whose bidding must be more
modest, and whose tastes and desires must
be regulated to enjoy what may be left,
passed quietly yet observingly around,
mingling freely In the midst of the excited
Chrong, silently picking up points and
waiting their chances, after the fashion of
the hangers on around the wheat-pit in the
| Chicago Board of Trade.
The style of conducting this Babylonian
sale was quite American in its main points,
but perhaps on fairer basis than deals in
"Sept." wheat.
The most beautiful was put up first, and
he who bid the most money gained posses
sion of her. The second in appearance fol-
lowed, and the bidders gratified themselves
with handsome wives according TO the length
of their purses.
But, alas Strange as il may appear to
modern civilization-our civilization in
which every girl may become wife if she
can satisfy herself with what the gods pro-
vide-among the Babylonians there were
some ladies for whom no money was Of
fered.
1t seems that physical beauty alone was
the one thing desired in wife. Those
benighted heathen had not acquired the
taste that could appreciate the aesthetic
loveliness of even protoplasmic psychology.
But the pagan dogs had all the inven-
| tive genius of maneuvering modern
mamma, consequently when oil the beauti-
full virgins were sold the crier ordered
the least handsome 10 stand up, when he
would demand who would marry her with a
certain sum, then who with smaller
amount, until she would finally be adjudged
to the one who would be satisfied with the
least. In this manner the money paid as
premiums for beauty served as bribes for
disagreeable looks.
This custom emanated from the minds of
idol worshipers, ut least one hundred years
before Christ came with His enlightening
religion, but in what movement of reform,
in what solution of mystifying social ques-
tions has q more humanitarian doctrine
been adopted?
The contemplation Of this unique stroke
Of diplomacy has suggested modern adap-
tation.
Why would il not be q neat manner of
disposing of our menP
Use the premiums obtained from the sale
of the luckless young and old bachelors who
seem incapable of getting themselves mar
ried, as bribes to hasten the disposal Of mar
lied men whose wives are anxious to get rid
| of them.
| Until a man is married his failings are
not observable, he is an adorable object
in the eyes of all fcmininity, unless he
wears gleen goggles or parts his hair in the
middle. and me st of them would go off un-
der the auctioneer's hammer like dyna-
mite bomb or hot cakes in gentlemen's s
restaurant, and tie sum realized therefrom
would be sufficiently large to greatly accel-
crate the di Iosal of the unfortunates
whose wivfs have disclosed TO the public
tn, ir heretofore hidden deformities
are so deceiving.
If such q sale we're to occur at this season