The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-09-22
THE FARMER 9sEPTEMBER52 1885,


some one says Gney a the TALL
early in Eden. 1t certainly did not
come before Eve.
The father usually gives the bride
away at the marriage ceremony,
but a little later in life many a hus-
band would willingly give her away.
"Uncle," said a seven-years-old
boy, as he stood looking at a
speckled trout for the first time,
"this fish has got the measles hasn't
it?" .s ..GE.
Grandma (to three-years-old doc
tors sony "Stop kicking that dog, or
he'll bite your leg off" Three-years-
old-"Well, father can stick it on
again"
The difference between a cat and
comma is that one has the claws at
the end of the paws, while the other
has the pause at the end of the
clause.
"Do you know the nature Of an
oath, ma'am?" inquired the Judge.
"Well [ should think [ orter," was
the reply. "My husband drives a
canal boat"
A Pittsburg colored woman owns
up to having been so terribly fright
ened in a recent storm that, as she
herself put it, she "shook like an
ashpan."
In every life there comes a time
when hope is crushed, but the man
who has. a healthy liver and a shirt
that doesn't pinch in the neck seldom
gets discouraged 2 @as5t a3@ -.
"You seem to have plenty of bust
ness here" said a drummer to Miss
Fitz, the dressmaker. "There's a
heap more hustle than business"
was the lady's reply. 1.-a-e-
They have already begun on the
subways in New York which are
to hold the buried electric wires.
This desirable result was not reached
without a good deal of wire pulling.
"Is your wife acquainted with the
dead languages?" asked the profess
sor. "May be she is,"was the reply,
"but the language she uses is entirely
too warm to have been dead very
long" ut.I. s..
Did you say, or did you not say,
what | said you said? Because
Walt said you never said what you
said. Now if you did say that you
did not say what l said you said,
then what did you say?
Now then" said a busy lawyer to
n Of a number of waiting clients,
"you are next, sir" II am what"
Next" "No, you DON'T" said the
client, moving toward the door, II
didn't come in here to get shaved"
The New York Times, speaking
of cricket, says: "The whole atmos-
phere of the game isthato of leisurely
enjoyment" Nevertheless the man
who gets a cricket ball in the eye
cannot see the enjoyable part Of the
game.
A physician said loosely to a
policeman one evening": ~ always
feel safe when 1 see a policeman in
the evening, for there is no danger
about" Yes, safer than [ feel when
| have a doctor about" was the
bright reply.
Conversation between two chill
dren: dive got a new silver dollar"
"Ive got two" "You haven't got a
baby in your house?" eyes we
have; we've got twins" "Well, you
haven't got a crazy grandfather; L
have"
A young gentleman of eight years,
who had already five brothers, was
told that he had a sister. AS
the news seemed to affect him rather
badly, he was finally prevailed upon
to tell what the trouble was. Sob
bling, he told his mother he wanted
all brothers, as he was in hopes of
having a baseball nine.
"Oh, did 1 tell you about little
Henry, grandma? He's got a bicy-
cleT "Land alive! Well don't get
excited. Jest you put a poultice Of
soft soap and sugaron it, and change
it every morning an it'll be gone in
three days. Your grandfather used
to have 'em every haydn time, regular
as June. They amt nothin' they'll
do him good"