Morning journal and courier., 1886-04-07
FIRES Ell.

It is said that P. T. Barnum has offered to finish the excavations at Pompeii at his owr expense In search of some fresh jokes fol his circus clowns, probabiy.-Burlingto Free Press.
 Clerk (who has been yainly trying to em ploy his time) to employer er-''Shall I answer this letter now, sir?'' Employer-"Ce doing no business. Wait four weeks."- Rambler.
 f'The weather is over me a little this morning. remarked recently a Frenchman who is zealously studying the idioms of the English language in this city. He had meant to say that he was a little under the weather. -Harper's Weekly.
 Gentleman (entering barber shop in hur- ry)-I want you to shave me once over; have no cup here; do not want my hair trimmed; do not require 8 dry shampoo; 1 want no tonic on my hair, only little pom ade; part my hair on the left side. Barber (tucking towel under the gentleman's chin )-Shave, sir?-Phila. Call.
 Once in while school boy gets off a real witticism. For instance, it was a 10.year- old Concord school boy, who, when asked of Ceesar's legions stood for, replied that he was not certain, but he imagined that they meant "Society for the Prevention of Qrelty to Romans" Not so fa1 out of the way, per haps, after all.-Boston Record.
 t'I think young MT. Fitzpercy is a very kind-hearted man," remarked Mrs. Fangle. ''Indsedl" replied her husband. ''Yes, he is done for him?' "Why, one cold day last montL I saw him on the street with no over coat on, and told him he ought not to come out so unprotected, and he said he had let his uncle have his coat. I suppose his uncle was too poor to buy one, and when see a young man so thoughtful about his relations I know he is kind-hearted." - Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
 "No," said Fogg, ''I'm tired of going out visiting. If call on Brown he's sure to bore me to death with his everlasting brag about his dog; if go to Blacks he'll talk of noth- ing but that confounded horse of his, and at Whites shall hear of nothing but his hens. Therefore, prefer to stay at home and enjoy myself" "But, my dear," iuterposed Mrs. F., "the conversation will be hardly more improving, if as usual you dilate on pipes and tobacco" "Yes, my love-" replied Fogg, ''but you should remember the difference. do the talking. ."-Boston Transcript.
 t'Hai ha! hal" laughed Detroiter he met lawyer at the postof6ce yesterday; ''but very funny thing occurred in connec- ton with my trip to Chicago last week. " tYesf' Stopped at one of the big hotels, you know, and the night came away for SoG 6O pay my 1cS, Wd1hoSA 14Sho of without saying word ,and never thought of the matter again until half way home. " stI see." Wonder what they'll thinkF' ''Why," replied the lawyer, as he drew let ter from his pocket, "they have already for warded me an order to sue and collect. The bill is $975 and my fees are SIPS. Please call at the office at once and save expenses?" Detroit Free Press.
 raw citizen in Idaho was elected jus tice of the peace and the only law book he had was Cushing's Manual The first case before him was that of cowboy for stealing 8 steer. When the case called the only lawyer in the little town was there to defend the prisoner ''As there is counsel for the other side," he said, F'I move that the case be dismissed" The justice looked over his manual "A motion has to be seconded" ]" he said 'I second the motion," promptly responded the prisoner. ''The motion has been made and seconded that the ease be dismissed" said the court. 'fAll in favor will please say 'aye.'" The prisoner and his attorney voted aye. "All opposed say mo- , Nobody voted. ''The motion is carried and the case is dismissed, remarked the court. "A motion to adjourn is now in order" The prisoner made the motion and the court ad Journed.-Washington Critic.