Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-05-31

Bagley-'.You are looking for short
cut to fortune. | believer De Guy
That's just what | am looking for"
Here's your chance. The queen bee
lays 5000 eggs in twenty-four hours" D."
'.Well, l can't help that Hear me
out Put your wits to work and get up
a cross between the queen bee and the
barnyard hen, and you will be mil
lionaire in year. Philadelphia Call.
THAT young man will vet make his
mark in this world. His forethought is
wonderful" What is remarkable
about him?" "Why the very day he
popped the question he first stepped into
a lawyers office to know what divorce
suit would cost. He is indeed a re-
markable man. and never makes a
movement of any sort without stopping
to consider the cost. - Philadelphia
Hen
Lady Midas-''And we were hustled
into the train anyhow, my dear Mrs. de
Tompkyns; and only imagine our hor-
ror, when the train had started at dis
| covering that we were actually in a sec
| ond-class carriage!n Grisby Gnnocent-
ly)-"Dear me! Yes! Very awkward
indeed! You'd taken third-class tickets,
| | suppose?" Horror of Lady and Miss
Midas, who generally take saloon car
riage all to themselves!-L0ndon Punch.
Poor fellowr' said the female friend
| of the fallen; ''but probably your home
| surroundings were not pleasant. :"
You're out there, num-" replied the
| interesting criminal; ''there was bill
| iard-room next door. Il bowling alley
right across the way. and half dozen
saloons within a minutes walk. O.,
| yes, my home surroundings couldn't be
beat. Pleasant? Well, | should gur-
| gle!'-BOstOn Transcript.
In Malta persons are forbidden to
come to the opera sin short sleeves or
with naked feet" We can understand
why there should be an objection to
short sleeves, but why should bare feet
be excluded? Some of these notions of
etiquette are too absurd for anything. A
society young man doesn't want to stay
away from the opera simply because his
only pair of boots are at the shoemaker s
getting half-soled. N0rristoaon Herald.
Mr.. Faupas Co young lady)-"Ah,
Miss Charmante. have Just come from
the side of Mrs. Smith, who has been
asking me about the beautiful young
lady at the flower table" Miss c. Zap
pearing to busy herself in arranging
some fowers) - Have you never known
how 1 detest fattery?" Mr. F. (who
thinks he may have blundered) 20
but really, you know, it is dark owe,
where she is sitting. One can hardly
see you. ."-Harper's Bazar.
1t was rather green parliamentarian
who rose to point of order at the last
session of the Huckleberryville town
meeting. When requested to state his
point he said: ''My point is, Mr. Mod.
orator, that the gentleman who made
the prayer didn't address the Chair. ,
The Moderator said that the point was
cline to rule upon it until he had time
to look up the authorities. Boston
Transcript.
Directory canvasser- -''And your occu
patton, please?" Householder-"M
ufacturer of plug tobacco" Directory
canvasser- Rather a singular coinci
dence; the man next door makes Shoes ;
Householder-"H is that coinci
dence?" Directory canvasser-'.Tht
explanation is simple. He makes shoes
and is therefore a shoemaker. You
manufacture plug tobacco; ergo you ar,
chewmaker, too" No inquest.
american Bar.
''Pa, I'm not going to learn any NOR,
geography lessons ''Why? Have 70,
been excused from geography lessons?'
mo, but Il presume your teache
has got tired of such a stupid pupil.
Teacher nothin' I'm the feller that
got tired. l read in paper that tn,
geography over half the globe would b.
changed by future explorations, and
am going to wait. | want to get
straight before l put in so much hare
work. ''-The Judge.
"My son." said a truly good Indial
agent out in Arizona, lis it true that al
the Indians left the reservation las
night?" Dead fact replied the son
''they set fire to the Toulouse. shot tn
watchman plumb full of holes, an,
struck for the mountains at a. m
every last livin' soul of 'em-buck
squaw, dog, pony. and papoose. "Al
right, my son; when the train of Gov
ernment supplies and annuities gets il
tomorrow charge them up as issued t
the tribe day before yesterday. Did tina
half-breed Bill, the hostler, 90 wit
them?" ''No, he's here ssThen te
him if he stays away from PRAYERS thi
morning as he did yesterday Iii cut th
heart out of him with a mule whip. -
Brooklyn Eagle.