The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-07-08
THE TRIALS OF BROWN.

He is corpulent, fair of face, and
owns sweeping, tawny mustache
which hundreds envy. He also owns a
handsome wife. three handsome chill
dren. and handsome diamond pin the
value OF which the Philosopher would
not dare TO estimate, for he is no con-
noissenr in precious stones, never hav-
ing been lucky enough to own any pre-
cious stones. except in his green and
salad days when he purchased genu-
inc ruby ring from a peddler at the as
tonishing low price Of half dollar, on
" too soon to find out that he had been
most grossly deceived; for the ring was
naught but base compound Of brass
and stained glass.
Mr.. Browns public position, anyway,
Independent Of his private affairs,
ought to be cnvied. CAT least the Phi
losopher formerly entertained that
idca.)
For is he not hotel clerk!
Grand Mogul behind the desk Of one
of the most extensive caravansaries in
New York City; gentleman before
whom the bcll-boys shrink in scrvility,
and the greatest men Of the age call
Familiarity by the first name.
Naturally. then. the Philosopher was
much surprised the other evening rs he
sat peacefully smoking his pipe upon q
bench in Madison Square Park to have
Mr.. Brown suddenly appear and fling
himself down beside him with groan
of detection.
"Hello, Philosopher he grufiy
said.
The Philosopher looked up.
In surprise
Usually, in both department and
language Mr.. Brown is one of the most
genial and pleasant mortals imagina-
BILE.
why, Brown, he said. lone would
think that something had happened to
put you out; that is, to Judge from
your accents"
Gloomily the Philosophers friend
lighted a choice Havana.
Something is always happening to
put q person out in our business he
replied: .'oftentimes have l thought
that it would be far preferable to be
hod-carrier than to be hotel clerk.
This sounds like high treason on
the part of Mr.. Brown.
| May be he might be temporarily out
of his mind.
Remembering the case hotel
clerk who had but recently committed
suicide, the Philosopher edged away q
little from Mr.. Brown.
The action was noticed.
Mr.. Brown smiled the ghost OF a
smile.
i don't be alarmed" assured he, Il
amt a-going to fertilize the landscape
by blowing out my brains as poor F.
did, but really | get so tired, sick, and
totally disguised with humanity as ex-
pcrienced behind the desk OF = hotel.
that every night or SO take an holr
off to come over here, sit down on a
bench, and curse the Fate which did
not make me a jovial, untrammeled
cannibal ON some coral island in the
ocean, with no higher ambition than to
est, or be eaten by some other canni-
bal. IL YOU don't believe what l say
lust come over and loaf about my desk
for awhile and see il what have told
YOU amt so: if l don't have hard
trials
The Philosopher accepted the invita-.
ton.
Soon his friend was at bis post, and
soon the Philosopher ut his.
The following are true SD, cimens ol
conversation between Mr.. S'own and
various guests:
..Clerk!'
..Yes, sir.
. Gimme sheet of paper.
. YES, sir"
And 'nvclop.'
!, .All right, SIR
And say!''
, well, STRIP
..Guess I'll send postal after all
Gimme postal card"
!. Here you are. Cent, please?"
'tWhat for?'
1.-The postal card"
..Well, I'll be blowcd!' and the pur.
n chaser of the postal card. who was no
q guest sf the hotel at all, but simpl.
a rcadirg-room ornament and from
I stoop statuette went away mntterins
: curses upon the hotels stinginess.
!, Next Il good natured-lo0king mai
Sauntercd ND to the desk.
ANY letters for Bailey?
! mo. sir.
l y. Bailey?'
/ mo, sir"
i .Surep"
! Yes, sir"
/ Not even paper?'
= mo sir.
l. Queer, amt it?'
/ What. STRIP
: THAT there amt no mail for mel
: .Ycs, SIR
The inquirer after mail sauntere
!. away while MIR. Brown Winked at tn