The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-12-11
A Sad Fste-Ths War Of the Cousins Con-
riudad

]
the name 81 the first settlers of Weissport
Pa.-Grtoting
Am in receipt Of your latest, "Peare after
/ Victory" elFl Prohibition Triumphant" My
sympathy Pr You Is sincere. You tate is indeed
sad one. l9pasc, when you meet me, ito mol
/ LOOK so shccpiSli, for - wolf Is ueNCr more dan
gerous than when hc feels shccpish."
My dcarC Cousin Clarence s.
You dvNuuiself great wrong, confess
To indulge In arnYme
At 50 solemn a tine.
Your friends are sorry to see
| That you cannot beat me
Cheer UP, brighter day will soon dawn, illg
honor and the glory for which you so inccsscnllS
aspire my yet be reached. Your " ungehtlr
dcfenSc,' " Illogical reaSouiugs," "uilfdnlGcd
claims are due to an intOXica,iOn, bordering on
] dtlerum trenens, brought on by a constant lin
dulgence iu the cup of egotiSm and self con
ceit Nopr egoiisln and self-lmpOscd coucc1t is
great that it fails to express itself h-f;!il on
! paper, but il is constantly talking abeat' my
/ sufficiently scratchy articles to such an alarm
| ing extent that must give you the ADVICE thai
Pete gave to Joe, TO wit
| railroad !" why, Joe ?' "Kaseif dc ears see
dat moaf Of yours, dey tlnk it am de depot and
run right in" Your arguments remind me oi
/ tile rlschieyOus wag WIG enc night pulled down
| a turner's sign and put 1t over a lawyers door
| In the morning It read g An sorts of turning
ANA twisting done here"
Dear Clarence, don't talk, but take walk.
! "That nialt " was not ms fatal aS vour self
conctit would make you believe. Had you been
| present the following sabbath evening and seen
the large audience that greeted me, you would
iorciand that would speak on temperance. A
number of third party fli6ldS were present, one
of them Ga warm friend OF lninel, led the meet
| ing. You cannot account tor this Let me I'm.
form you over the RvoT " We are liberal and
| progressive.
" Die Weise, die sind gaschita leid,
Sic hclta der kanOl auf era side.' ..
If claimed that | could be elected by an cx-
tarta IF stf
| IT, Yet, came us near being elected as the late
Clarence SmaSher Wolf" In 1881 the PrOhibi-
| ton vote in Franklin township my home at that
tme) was 50; in lS2, ~: in 1886 the third party
vote was -, AS this is the last exhibition Of the
Cousin minstrel Show" | viii not ask you
how this change is accounted for.
Dear Clarence, don't write. or youmust fight
| In your extremity notice YOU have called to
your assistance The services of "most promin-
ent and highly esteemed pastor" whose lamcn-
tations over - poor Webster" are exceedingly
pathetic. " Oh sympathy mispent." As a hang
man, he says " ] was marked success" with
TINS you fully agree. Scare not, dear Cousin, II
let yon down easy by the arms, which reminds
me H the l!ishmau'S request, who begged that
the ronc might be tied under his arm Instead of
round his thrOat For said Pat, " am so re-
markahy tickliSh in NY throat that if tied there,
IN &c tainly Kill myself with laug ter
As you have mailed t'tc ADVOCATE to quite Il
number OF persons with your articles only (Which
proves that, you are ambitious to spread your
cgutism and sclf-concciD. VIII you please do
me the favor and forward only one copy contain
ing this, my last, to the Rev. h, of A who
rushed TO your assistance, and say To him for me
that L expect shortly to return to Weissport
again alid continue to be II thorn in your eye.
Dear Cousin, don't costate, for you only exas-
perttc.
prefer Yankee Doodle to " Sorehead." Il
becomes you better, and am glad that You have
at last found your level. The celebration of your
iinal victory will be something like this: short
tlhc ago some gentlemen were enjoying the di-
version oi coursng ana having lost sight Of the
mare, one of the party rode up to a boy, when
the following dialogue cnsued boy have you
seen hare running this way, followed by dogs?"
thing ?' Yes" II looked like Yankee doodle
on u Droomstick." Had it long ears ?" /" Yes .
it fS sRer Tlf fH W under es belly ,6Ss ,r. % @
Yes, it was "WRy VT s ives "a AFRAID iI'f OF be-
ing hanged, Boy after pause). "NO, have
bear Cousin, I heard something drop, it must
have been Yankee Doodle" Get up. / never
strike doodle " when he Is down. Try, try
again, Steady. Glad to see you try II again, az
though il is dangerous to fool with buzz saw -
Steady. One, two, three, GO
| So here Yankee comes roaring and grumbling,
And leaping and t'inllring,
And hopping and skipping,
And tpannng and dripping.
And struggling and tOiling,
And bubbling and boiling,
And beating and jumping
And believing and humping"
And has much more 10 say
About this Prohibition fray.
But sad, sad is his fate,
On must he die AT this rate.
Dear Clarence, you say you are n "Dandy.' y
wen Slid. lhe best definition OF a dandy is
a dandy is a thing that would
BE young lady ii he could
But since lie cant does all he can
10 let you know he's not gentleman"
Dear Clarence, don't prophcsy, or you must
surely modify.
Regret to inform you that your vivid imagina-
cows, and republicans with tin pals between
their legs anNiouSly awaiting "backug up, -
0NergrOwn halt-starVcd calves, becoming UNI
mlnagcahlc rushing into the patch, cyerwhelHl-
my TIE republicans and sucking the cows, eX-
hauStng tie Supply-hCnce the green COWS -
| refuse to " back up have great fear for the
calves, lest ihoy grow up as green as the COWS.
Dear Cousin, II milk Is conducive TO your growth
ana development, do not touch, tasie or handle
! Tue production OF 4 green cow" If you desire
the sincere milk " ] viii order my agent in
| charge Ut my milk wagon TO furnish you with
say one gallon per day tdt reduced ratesh from
/ the best Republican COW on the patch Regret
thdt 1T present have no Prohibition COW, the
..'SI ST. one was sliug!tered short time ago, but
Your mission is something like this:
dandy ! am I've mission below
mi, a mission that ISLANDERS and grows as grow.
| lis To let alone Republicans, brandy and gin,
Also Poor Webster " and his unpardoIl-
able sin.
'TiS to raise a mustache be mauly and blue,
'Iis TO touch no Republicans, no snulf, and
not chew,
! For Republican Cousin Web, do dctest,
FOR the noble two tlirty-liye brand him a
pest.
My advice to you is something like this
| My advice is good, which give unto You,
Let me alone ii you would be true"
! \ foe to AL virtue, |, lead down to shame,
SAun my society ana save your good name.
! Good milk, that comes from green cows you
should drink,
mo not the healthiest and sweetest | thinl,
| ltnever makes braggards, IL never brings woe,
Dear Cousin, drink 1t wherever you go.
A TELEPHONE REHERSAL.
Yankee Doodle-Clarence, some one on fbe