Smyrna times., 1886-08-04
Sharp, Short and Sunny.

you are slandered, never mind it
it will all come off when it is dry.
A German traveller considers Niagara
Falls der subhmidy of vetness."
In the South more fireworks are
burnt at Christmas than on the Fourth.
The Colonial Exhibition is to be per-
petuated in London in a permanent
form.
This is the season of the year when
you can get what you do not want real
cheap.
"The Pope's Sunday" is what the
American Israelite, of Cincinnati, calls
the first day of the week.
When a man bores you don't say
"YOu make me tired" but observe
politely, "Pd give anything for a chair"
Let us not be haash with the politi-
clans. If it wasn't for politics, many
men who are too lazy to earn their liv-
ing with their hands would be paupers.
Even Socrates could never quite get
over his astOnishment when he ponder
ed upon how much easier it is to love- a
girl than it is to make the girl love you.
If those Chicago young ladies who
have been presenting bouquets to the
Anarchists do not blow up their hus-
bands when they get them it will sur
prise us.
The Buffalo Courier shows the cour-
age of its convictions when it says:
If Senator Evarts were not afraid
of being understood, he could make a
splendid speech"
" We want circus and we want it
bad" sighs a western paper. We
would suggest that the editor call the
owner of the opposition sheet a horse
thief.-Palmer Journal.
No, Ethel when you hear of a
young girl having Smade a good
match" it dOsen't signify that she has
got something that will get up every
morning and light the fire.
If thare il a man more base than all
others on Gods footstool, it il
the one who will weaken yu over u
bottle Ov wine, and then take the ad-
vantage Ov yu.-JOsh Billings.
What does a man want when he
goes fishing ?" asks subscriber. Well,
whenever we've been a-fshing the
thing we seemed to want the most to
make the trip successful has been fish.
Two men have been fned-one $40
and the other $1OO-for kissing a girl
in Brooklyn. The next thing will be
that girl will have to make a deposit
as a security before she can get a kiss
The Temperance hospital Just estab-
ished in Chicago under the lead O.
Miss Frances Willard is the second O.
its kind in the world, the first one hav
ing been founded in London in 1873.
The Merchant Traveller says tha
this is the time of year when til,
plumber takes off his hat to the ic,
man." That won't help him any. He
can't get the ice man to take off any
thing.
There are little, sweet, pretty anC
green oases all the way through tn,
desert of life, but the fat man whC
breaks suspender on hot day whel
running to catch train doesn't thinl
of this.
The YOnkers Statesman tells of
Western composer who has been try
ing to set hen to music. This mus
be heavy contract, but it is cas-
enough to set saw to music. -Lo,Oel
Courier.
1t is a pleasure to note that cotto
oil Is pushing the OIeomargarine out {
the market. The product Of the cot
ton-aeed Is very cheap, but it ism
nasty, ani a.sa is no profit in maxim,
it nasty.
To what extent the President is ia.
tilted in vetOing private pension bill
We are not prepared to say, nut it
undoubtedly a fact that the war vetera
is great deal more numerous than h
should be-
The Philadelphia prize fighters VIII
came to Wilmington to have a little fu
with "mill' not long since arc enio,
ing the biggest kind Of circus no
that the Delaware authorities hay
gotten hold of them.
A citizen of DougIassville, Ga. wei
home after dark, and after he ha
slammed the gate heard curious flor
ping sound. He investigated, and di
covered that he had shut the gate q
the head Of big snake, which W,
making most strenuous efforts to c
cape.
A priest refused to permit un
formed funeral procession to enter
church at Baltimore. The pallbearel