Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1886-03-13

CRANKS AND THEIR LErTERS.
Queer Felix's whe Burden the Govern.
nent MAil.BaEs WfsA Their HE.
sives.
LuNAfICs WHO THINK THEY RUN THE Gov
ERNNENT-rHK MEN WHO HAVE DISCOVERED
THE SECRET OF PERPETUAL MoTIoN-A TIN
NINE DIFFUSION, ETC
At the time that President Garfield was shot
new species Of people seemed suddenly to
have sprung into existence, and under the
euphonious name Of "Cranks" acquired . noto-
riety that was almost as widespread as that of
their head and chief-Guiteau. This city
seemed all at once overrun with this odd va
riety OF the human race, and finally the public
mind got In such condition on this subject
that 1t was not safe to make an odd remark In
the hearing of a stranger without being at once
set down as o crank. After six months or 50 Of
cranks and crankism there was not so much
said on the subject, and gradually the entire
matter disappeared from public attention, ex-
cept the name of crank, which is still retained,
friendship are }ond Of applying to each other
IN view Of this 1t may sound strange to say
that the cranks are still as numerous as ever,
variety of forms. The government letter-bag is
where this phenomena is found in the highest
Of interest te tSose Of to
that the ratio OF these letters to the rest
OF the mail shows steady increase
be all cla s Under the general
head of cranky letters, but 1t would do the
writer's an injustice to allow them to rest under
the imputation which this word conveys. For
some OF these letters are without doubt from
The inmates OF insane asylums and are simply
q collection Of words and sentences without
any Ineligible meaning. One of the most
Volumlnous correspondents of this class is a
man mar who some years ago got the idea that he
hn Tpnnc Anp,nR fyr,nv
FROM his room In a remote insane asylum he
has for years managed the fiscal affairs of the gov
eminent ana In the execution of his functions be
nnos 1t necessary now to sharply rap the Pres
ident over the knuckles and then sternly
threaten not to allow the payment of any
the heads Of all the departments, SO that If they
commit the error of acting contrary to his
financial policy the FAULT will be theirs not his.
outside OF this class Of cranks comes another,
ranking next in point of numbers and persist
ency. This Is that numerous class of persons
who believe in
PERPETUAL MOTION.
There Is hardly a day passes but that one or
more applications for a patent for q perpetual
motion machine Is received at the Patent Office
For years and years these applications have
come pouring in, and there seems to be no dis
couragement on the part of those who are
struggling with this problem. When q man
gets the idea once he generally sticks to 1T until
ne dies, and II ne does not manage to inOculate
some one else the idea spreads of its own ac-
cord, and the ranks OF the experimenters are
kept full.
Alter the perpetual motion cranks have
they generally make a visit to the Patent Office
TO sec about getting out patent They are not
told that their labors are in vain, but they are
SIMPLY asked to furnish working model. OF
course they haven't working model. They
expect to have one soon, when they have at
tended to one little point which needs some
slight changes. In the meantime, lest some one
else comes in and gets patent tor the same.
they Will hie caveator notice of the kind of
lon yxyhf ot
On. 1t is a sad commentary on the hopes of
such inventors that the majority ofthe applica-
ton for patents of this sort are in the form of
caveats and never reach the next step in the
process.
A very great number OF people are under the
impression that the government has offered a
reward or premium ior the invention of a per-
petual motion machine, and such requests as
this are very common:
the invention of perpetual motion is; also,
whether 1t is to be used propeller to drive
Would Am ucn ns sbfire AZ your earliest
Inc Patent office has prepared circular
reply to just such requests, because they had
become SO numerous that il was impossible to
answer them all.
THE TIN MINE DELUsIoN.
The perpetual motion people have been famil-
lar to the President and the heads of the de-
partments for years, and they would probably
feel lonesome without them, but just now a
new craze, so to speak, is eniivening the mo-
notOny OF official correspondence. This is ex-
pressed in such letters as follows:
81 have been informed that the government
of a tin mine in this country. should like to
know II 1t is correct and what the conditions
are"
Where such information came from, who
nrst started it, may be put down as one OF the
mysteries OF the human mind. While its
origin Is mystery there is no doubt but that
tiers come in one after the other all making in
quiries about this tin mine premium. The per-
pc. ual motion people, the tin mine people and
the people with all sorts of notions and ideas
contribute very large portion Of the contents
OF the government letter bag. Then, there are
the requests that come from mothers, sisters
and wives tor lost fathers, husbands and sons,
whose disappearance SO sudden and unex-
pected has filled them with alarm, and, after
exhausting every other means, they at last APP
peal to the government to help them. The
confidence and faith which some of the writer's
manifest In the power OF the government is
frame reply that will be convincing.
SEARCH FOR HIDDEN TREASURE
The appeals for help are not always for lost
relatives, and there il rarely a request made SO
unique as the following:
'sWhile was soldier in the Mexican war
found out near where the Mexicans had depos-
the best OF my time since then to find out its
exact location. Thus far have not succeeded,
and 1 had come to the conclusion that there
was no way to get at it, want you to write to
me whether there Is such a thing as mineral
rod. and whether it will Work to money; what
the chance viii be tor ins ~ get one, and If you
Will assist me. | am an old man ana poor
man, and have not much money IN Spcnd
will be well off if can get something that win
work to this place, and am willing to divide
with any one that will furnish me the proper
magnetism"
The writer might we'll be classed with the
searchers for the fountain of perpetual youth,
in the faith and confidence which he has mani
tested in the search for hidden treasure.
---->O>-----