The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-08-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

uOunceS that he Will SnOOl any Inau ID
America for $1,000 Let him take
pop at Geronimo.-P ittsburg Chronicle.
S. S. Cox has sent a fine Egyptian
mummy to this country. He probably
Is DESTROYS of introducing some new
features into our jury system. lon6ers
Statesman.
at is not wrong to kill dude" OBJ
served State street man last night
"Why not?" asked his auditor. BE
cause .All's well that ends WE'LL you
know" -RambLer.
"Ah. Johnr' she said, just before
marriage, II fear I'm not worthy of
you. You are such a good man. ="
s.Never mind, Martha, I'll change all
that after the wedding. "-TTd-Bits
Brown was speaking of the extravag-
ance of Nine X. ''She is running her.
SELF" he said "She's one of those wo-
men who'd sell the very hair off her
head to buy a new chignonr'-French
Joke.
An opera-house in an Ohio town fell
down the other night after minstrel
company had shown there. This Incl
dent teaches that antique minstrel jokes
may be more dangerous than dynamite
Boston Post.
Mrs. Societie-'This fashion maya
zine says the male domestic servant is
rapidly disappearing from the best
houses" MIR. Societie-''Yes, and the
worst of it is, the daughters are disap-
pearing with them"
A New York Alderman in drawing up
| an acknowledgment Inadvertently
wrote: Witness my hand and steal"
The best lawyers agreed that the paper
was perfectly legal, and would not need
to be changed. Brooklyn Eagle.
Street urchin to a companion-.1 tell
yer, Patsy, who's der best perliceman
On der force. He's der boss" Patsy
IAN who's dat?' Street urchin-'I
furget what's his name. He isn't on
now; he's been discharged. "-Loo0eU
| Citizen.
Said a school examiner at South
Abingdon, Mass: when the Pilgrims
landed what did they have that was
more precious than home and friends?"
A bright-eyed little boy answered so
promptly as to bring down the house:
"Popcornr'
De Lancy-"Who is that simpering
idiot who persists in staring at you
from the opposite box?' Mrs. De
Lancy-'Let me see; o, that's-er-er
well, I've forgotten his name, but he
used to be a husband of him. "-NeW
York Judge.
The illustrated papers show that
when Aid. Jaehne arose to receive the
sentence of the court he stood with one
hand behind him. Even under the
stern eyes of justice the Alderman did
not forget his business instincts
ArkanSot0 IraUeIer.
This Sunday law business is waking
all the inhabitants up. Now, for in
stance, if young man goes to see his
girl just in fun Sunday, he is all right,
but if he means business the grand jury
will be onto him in a holy minute
Albuquerque ca. NJ Democrat.
Doctor" said he, as he entered the
office, Il don't know what the trouble
is, but | can't sleep at night" What
is your business, my friend?" Pm
plumber, sir" Young man, you need
a clergyman. l can't undertake to cure
your conscience. "-Nee0 HaUen NeWS
They were talking about certain
railroad man who is not the most affable
person in the world. "Pshawn said
one, 'he is regular old hen" Course
he is, was the prompt answer, land
he can lay more railroad track than
any man in the country. - Washington
! Critic
Jim, I'm afraid our fishing excur-
sion this summer will have to be post
! poned." 'NNhy SOP" according to
the newspapers the Canadians refuse to
| sell Americans any bait" SCUM
but hold; have it! Has any one yet
tried the drug store?" = Merchant
| IraUeler.
One of the bridegrooms of the week
is notorious for his thrift. He complain
ed OF the clergyman's fee. "A widower
whom you married at Easter" said he,
''tells me that you charged him very
much less" True" said the Rev. DR..
H., 'but he was a regular customer. -
Iown Topics.
Eastern young lady Go Western young
man)-"We were disappointed in not
| getting cards to your sisters wedding,
| Mr. Breezy. Were there any cards?"
Mr.. Breezy-''Well-er sister didn't
| play any, but some of us had little 81
| limit after the minister got away. y
Ne10 York Sun.
YES" unused old Mr.. BentIy, Il hold
my years well. This is my list birth
day. If my parents were living they
would each be over 100 years old rs
1t possible" was the surprised response.
mo wonder you hold your years well,
MIR. Bently, you come of such a long
| lived family. "-Neo0 York Times
Bagley-"Only a little party, my dear
boy. Mrs. Bagley insists upon your
coming" Ponsonby-"With pleasure"
That's ight. And-or-by the way
you play the flute, believer" ''Yes,
shall /" Leave it at home? You
have anticipated my very words. Yes,
by all means. - Philadelphia Call.
An Ohio farmer, unable to extricate
himself from some burning brush, call
ed aloud for help. A hired man stand
ing by refused to GO to the rescue unless
the farmer paid him S. which he alleged
was due. The farmer, DENYING the
debt, had his legs and arms badly burn
ed. Not every creditor thus gives his
debtor roast.
NO q pCAiSSl Tie
mountains" said Mrs. Gush, to Mrs.
Parvenu as they sat talking together on
the summer-hotel piazza. Have youp"
said Mrs. Parvenu. '.Well, I've an
Alpine stick. and the man said it was
just the thing; but I'm sorry now. l
didn't buy an antipathy like yours!"-
Boston Journal
Two tramps, man and his wife,
have recently been making a good liv-
ing in Scotland by means of their baby.
1--WE just gets i'm christened," SAYS the
father, lat all the towns we passes, and
| then, We see, parson, he makes us all
comfortable wi summat to eat and
money for beds. On days orful bad,
we has to do i'm twice
First stranger-''You are a profess
sional man. are you not, sir?n Second
stranger SIR First stranger
Il beg pardon. l judged from your
thoughtful air that you are profess
-