Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-12-28
BRIGHT BITS.

COLONEL YERGER-Well. Uncle Nose,
expect you have seen good many Christ
mases?
Uncle Mose-Yas. sab, tousands and tous-
ands oh 'em.- 7id- Bts.l
LADY-Shut your mouth, Bridget. You are
the most impertinent servant / ever had.
You always want to have the last word.
Bridget-Sure. and that's not my fault.
How can l know beforehand wbin yez are
going to quit answering me back? p 1eods Sift-
ings.
"THEY eat horses in France, :" observed jog
gins; "lsn't it horribie?''
"IthiDk you ought to be the last to say SOL
rejoined Shopper.
How is that?"
"You have'been known to consume a great
many ponies yourself. "--ISd-B Bits.
EDITH-Seems to me every one of those
ancient sculptures is from the nude.
Yes; how wise those old artists were!'
"Wise?"
"Why, yes; they had sense enough to know
the dresses of the period would go out OF fash
ion, so they omitted them."- Omaha World.
"wELL, Florence" said the young lady
whom she was visiting when the two girls
had moment to themselves, "what did you
think of Lieut.. X?'
"Oh, delightful, charming" exclaimed the
fair Philadelphia. He is the most enter
tanning man ever met. Why. 90 you know
before we had gone fifty miles from Phladel-
phia my throat was 90 sore l could hardly
Mrs. DE GoODE-I wish, my husband, you
would retire from Change and go into some
other business,
Mr.. De GoOde-Why, what's got into you
nowS
''Dr. Divine preached terribly scathine
sermon this morning about brokers: he called
them professional gamblers and thieves and
plckpocsets, and said Satan would surely pile
the burning fagots around them 1000 feet
nigh. did feel SO terribly mortified"
wbV annul0 nv
isn't my fault that the bottom dropped out of
his X. Y. Y. stock yesterday ."-T d-BitS.
II WOULD like to go into your employ. sir y
said Young msn as he walked briskly into
the office Of wholesale dry goods merchant,
"Indeed In what Department."
ION the road, SIR"
Ever sold any goods by sampler"
mo, sir. But have had practical exper-
ience."
'In what way?"
"why, can handle yacht in any kind of
weather"
Il fail to see the connection"
at simply shows that l am a good sales
The merchant took him on trlal.-Merchant
7ra0eIer.
In a certain CITY in Connecticut there lived
very small boy with liberal share of small
''orlginal slns." 1t CHANGED that one day he
was playing IN front of the house and over
heard some street gamins using slang express
sions profusely. He ran In to his mother cry
ing: Mamma, mamma, what's gone
suckers" Now, mamma did not in the least
know. but as her son had been disobeying her
that morning, she took advantage of the op.
portuniLy to point a good moral. "a gone
sucker, my son? Why, it means a naughty
little boy who doesn't mind his mother" That
night, as Johnnie was saying his prayers the
the full measure of his sin seemed to occur to
him with awful signi fcance, and, stopping
short in the usual petition, he cried out in the
abandonment of his remorse: "Oh, Lord, Pm
gone sucker"-Ha'De Is for january.
THE other day Col. Billings. meeting old
Sandy, SAID:
Look here, old man. can't you find work to
dor"
"Oh, yes, sab. plenty o. it,"
"Then why don't you doit?''
"Does do 1t, sah."
why don't you buy some woodP"
Does buy wood. sah."
"Why, then, do you steal my wood?"
"Steal yer wood! WY, sab, never stole
er stick er wood frum yer in nv life Look
heah, Colonel, Ise err member In good standin'
o. de church, an yer's LAY in yerself mighty
liable when yer cum 'cuzin' me CIR steaIin' nv
yer wood. Yer oughtener 'spicion er ole
pusson like ISL
~ don't suspect you, Sandy. | know that
youare the thief, for 1 saw you stealing NV
wood"
saw me, did yer? Oh, wall, if yer saw me
it's all right. Didn't know but some o. desc
heah mean niggers had come or roun' er
| tellin' lies on me. "A rkdnSIa0 T,aoeler.