News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-04
A CAR LOAD.
A JcffersonYille. Madison and Indian

apolis box car, which had some loose
grain scattered over the floor, was in
vaded by flock of between twenty
five and thirty goats at Columbus, Ind,
when some of the boys closed the door,
| and the car was taken out to Indian
apolis empty as was supposed. On
arriving at indianapolis, one of the
brakemen in the yard opened the car
door, when the goats jumped out one
after another, scattering In every direc-
ton. The crew. supposing they had
been shipped as freight, engaged in a
chase for four hours, capturing fifteen
of them. They then went to hunt the
agent to see the way bill to find out
how many goats had been shipped,
when they discovered the joke.-C COL
uns6us Despatch.
CONDUCTORS COURTESY.
81 can't let this girl travel over this
road on that half-fare ticket" said the
new conductor to the widow Flapjack.
'Why not2 what is the matter with
my little girl2"
'She is no child She Is more than
half grown"
"Well, if that don't beat everything
| then I'll give it up. Here poor little
Mamie has been travelling over this road
on child's ticket for the last ten years,
and now all at once you say she is no
child. That's new way to worry the
travelling public"
SHE paid full fare, and then the di.
minutive girl in the corner pulled her
self out, so to speak, like marine tele-
scope.
SOCIAL AMENITIES.
''Grandmamma, " said Murray Hill
young lady, Indignantly, "Clara Van
spuyfen says that you and grandpapa
kept corner grocery store when you
were young"
"She is mistaken" said grandmam-
ma
81 knew she was, the mean, spitefui
thing. The ideal"
"Yes, she is mistaken" went on the
old lady, retrospectively; 1--WE kept
grocery store, but it wasn't on COR
ner."
ONLY THIS
At the funeral Of an oil-country resi-
dent, who had been blown up with
nitro -glycerine, woman who was
t1hlIiS Auob cdA HOOh at bAS
said:
~ don't see nothin' but q collar but
ton an piece of plug tobacco"
eyes, madam" replied the under
taker, reverently,. "that is all that was
ever found. ."-Horper's Basar.
DOTS AND DlAsHEs.
IT'S the little things that tell-espe-
cially the little brothers and sisters.
"TRY not the pass, the old man said,
but the old man wasn't New York
legislator.
A New YoRK paper declares that ''an
the politicians are now at sea-" Then
swamp the boat-quicki
"Coe hog to rog Jags is not f00."
This looks funny, and it is to expert
| telegraph operators. What tried to go
over the wiro was: "Come home to
| Rome. James is not we'll"
AN Englishman In Madras has, by a
lucky accident, made a photograph of
q tiger in the act of seizing its prey It
was only partial success, however, as
he didn't have time to tell the beast to
'look pleasant"
BANK cashiers, as q rule, are opposed
to silver dollars. They don't want
them in the banks. There is reason In
this. A bank officer going suddenly to
Canada couldn't carry silver dollars
enough with him to last week.
A LITTLE New York boy, whose con.
duct made his mother say that she
feared he did not pray, replied, "Yes,
do; l do pray every night that God
will mako you and pa like my ways
better"
A PHILANTHRoPIsT asked the daugh-
ter of rich manufacturer, who employs
hundreds of men, if she ever did any,
thing for her fathers hands2 "No,n
was the reply, "but rub mine with
glycerine and oatmeal every night"
ACTIVE and Passive. - Teacher;
'Now, Klaus, if 1 say the father
blessed his six children, is that active
or passive9" THAT is active" "Cor-
rect, and what 10 passiveq' "The
father was blessed with six children
A WoULD-BE Detective. you
want to be detectiveP' eyes, Herr
Inspector" "Have you had expert
ence2" II have once discovered muir
derer, Herr Inspector" "What kind
of murdererT "a suicide, Herr In
spector."
HAVE you ever come across a man
who, when he was to pay for his own
meal, said: az amt very hungry, m
take something light; but when sud
denly finding that some one else is to
pay for it, musters up an appetite which
would do credit to man who tasted
upon Kippur.
A PENNSYLVANIA schooimarm gives
the following sentence from the pen of
her youngest and brightest scholar
given in answer to the request: ''Writs
in twenty words definition of Man"
1t read thus: ''Man is an animal that
stands up; he is not very big: and he
has to work for a living"
SIZE Never Studied It.-"This natural
gas is a wonderful thing" remarked
Mrs. Fangle, as she sat before the fire
at Mrs. Snagg's. Eyes, indeed, it is"
replied Mrs. Snaggs. II wonder how
they get 1t, and why we never had it
before2" "Indeed don't know thing
about ~ I navar atu6iad Yastr0nnmv ~