Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-02-11
OLD PUNKiNHEAD.
He Relates His Experience ~ the SC.
Nicholas Hotel.

he Relates His Experience a. the sc.
Nicholas Hotel.
IF you can get Old Punkinhead there
to tell You the bed story, you're in luck"
said mine host, aside Hes a charac-
ter! His names So-and-So, but we call
him Old Punkinhead because he's so set
in his ways He never reads q newspa-
per and doesn't believe in any of the
new-fangled notions of our day Can't
you tell this young man that bed story?"
he asked, turning to the old 'un-
1t consumed half an hour and several
more pots before Old Punkinhead was
wound up to the spinning point He
was thin almost to transparency, and he
had one of those economical faces, for
whatever his nose dropped his chin
caught. He had whisk-broom beard
that poked out in front as if it dared
anybody to come near it
''Tain't much oy q story he began.
s'but II got me inter trouble. Now at
hum I've alters had a bed wat sooted
me. 1t wasn't much ov q bed, ter be
sure, but my grandpop slep' inter it an
it's good enough fur me. hain't proud
eff am han sum. 1t is one ov them
high-posted beds, an whin gifts inter
it hain't huv up ter the wall like some
BODY wus under it boostin' ov it.
.'Wall, one day he'd ter 90 to taoun
on biziness. an ez / wus goin' ter be
ouat all night I takes my grip along,
with my night gownd an nightcap in
it I went ter the circus, walked around
an seen the sights. he'd my fill ov pea
nuts, and about eleven o'clock. /
sashays up to the hotel watts kept by
Mr.. St Nickylason. Broadway street /
walks up ter the desk and seq ter the fell
Ter behind the bar. seq I, Il want a
room
How highs' SEE he.
:" i don't care seq I; sennywhar be-
twixt yer an the roof
He laffs an seq: I mean Their price
VIII ten dollars SCOT yers'
Il tole him that didn't want ter buy
the house, an that / only KEN ter stay
one night He sed he'd compermise on
two dollars. an I finally gev it ter him.
WANT me ter keep them valley
buls9' sed he, pintin' ter my grip.
II wusn't as green as that, and I tux
it up with me- A niger showed me
up to ther attick, an to make long
story short, got inside and locked my
self in. Their wus bed in one end o
ther room. but it looked too purity to
muss up. an guess it wus only thar
fur show.
Il hunted through the other room,
an thar found bed 1t was funny
lookin' thing, an wus med ov tin with
wooden sides. didn't like ther looks
ov it, but wusn't goin' ter be green,
so 1 ondresses an jumps in. Their folks
at hum he'd tole me not ter blow ther
gas ont. but ter turn it out, an when /
gets in looks for Their crank. / finds
it all right an gives it yank- What
happints I was almost drownded.
Somebody up stairs, l guess, pours
about million pals of water over me,
an 1 yells an yells ontil Their hired man
cunt in an yanks me out
".Who throwed that water?' SEE /;
show me Their man wot throwed that
water. an I'll pulverize him; viii, by
grasshoppers?'
Then he called me derned fool. and
said it was bath-tub. Then he'd ter
90 down by the kitchen stove and stay
there all night ter git dry. No more
hotels fur me, an If I'd a caught old
St Nickylas I'd a mashed him. would,
by chowder. ~. 7. World.