davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-03-04
Desperate Uncle Nose.

Uncle Nose, looking like the picture OF
despair called at the office of DR.. Perkins
Soonover.
you are not looking well to-day, Uncle
Nose
Il amt feeling well. Use de mos mis-
suble niggah in de hull State OBJ Texas"
What seems to be the matter?'
"Foah de last eight days Use had SIGH
pains all ober my body dat rs soured on
dis world. l wants to get out OBJ it, SO !
tole my ole CONAN dis mornin' dat I was
gwinter come to you, no matter what hap
dened. Use jess desperate, I is."-Texas
SiffipDS
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-03-04
Financial Regularity.

Merchant-Upon investigation find
l can not give you the clerkship. You
were charged by your former employer
with financial irregularity.
Cheeky Applicant-It was a false
charge, sir.
1.-The jury didn't seem to think so, for
they convicted you; the judge did not
seem to think so, for he sentenced you.
Nevertheless it was false charge.
There was no irregularity about it. !
kept up the pilfering without any inter-
mission. ''-PhilddeLDhi CGK.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-03-04
No More Use for the Dog.

Wife (reading the paper)-''Well, de-
clare, if that isn't the queerest thing ever
heard off, Observation-Disclosures that?'
Wife-"Why, here in the paper is an ac-
count of wedding up in Manchester, and
among the wedding presents was n bull.
terrier given to the bride by her father"
Husband-'I don't see any thing odd
about that. She was the old mans young
est daughter, wasn't she?" Wife-"Yes;
but what's that got to do with it?" Hus-
band-"Why, of course, if she and all the
rest were married, he had no further use
for the dog."-SomervIle Journal
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-03-04
He Still Made q Profit.

A sailor, having purchased some med
icine OF celebrated doctor, demanded the
price.
Why" says the doctor, 81 can not
think OF charging you less than seven and
sixpence."
well, I'll tell you what" replied the
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-03-04

the water had turned to firm ice, and my
feet were frozen fast The train moved off
without me, despite my cries. and stayed
there three hours and missed my prayer
meeting. That beat all the sudden changes
| in temporal ure l ever heard of, and you can
bet it was a cold day when I got left.'-
ChicapO Herald
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-03-04
In the Same Neighborhood.

Two wretched looking tramps were
brought up before a Texas justice of the
peace Addressing the worst looking one,
the justice asked
Where do you live?"
Nowhere"
''And where do you live?" said the justice,
addressing the other:
1--WE got the room above him. "-Texas
.SItings.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-03-04
WHY He Left His Aurelia.

Cholly Crying to be funny; time, eleven
o. NIL say, Aurelia, tell me what is the
difference between that clock and me?
Aurelia (artlessly You tell me.
Cholly-Because it is not fast and I--ha!
ha! See the point?
Aurelia fas before -Oh! yes; but there's
another difference The clock is not going
and you-he. he! See the point?-Phila-
IlaIrhia Call
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-03-04
Congratulated.

saCharles, hear you are going to marry
Miss Softly. Charming woman! Let me
congratulate you on your good taste"
"Ah. YES. but-the fact is, l have broker
off the match and I'm not going to marry
any one"
Then let me congratulate you on your
good sense "-PhiLad elphia Call
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-03-04
Shadows on the Snow,
BY b. L. FARJEON.
PART I.-CONTINuEn

AUTHOR OF "BLApE-o'-GRAss." .co,,v-
ahAIh; JOSHUA MARVEL" ETC. Erci
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-03-04
THE WAY OF 1T.

Ten Minutes in the Editorial Rooms of q
Newspaper.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-03-04
KNOWN BY HIS WALK.

One of the Finest Repartees Ever Pub
lished in This Country.
The St. Johns herald., 1886-05-06
Little Alice"

In the little village of Mount Pleasant, in the potteries in StatIOrd5hire England, is to be found a child whose extraOrdin- ary growth cxcites great wonder.
 Little Alice. as she is humorously called, is but four years of age. vet turns the scale at 15O pounds, the circumfer- ence of her waist being no less than , feet. while her height is feet, so that lit eralIy she is broader than she is long.
 She is bright, intelligent, and remarka- bly, pretty, her head being crowned with a mass of golden hair.
 Her size does not interfere in the least with her activity, as she may often be seen playing with the other children of the village or wandering in their company through the country lanes.
 Her appetite is enormous.
The St. Johns herald., 1886-05-06
She Blist"red Him,

4 young man goes twice a week 10 see a young lady residing a few miles in the country, making his journeys on foot. On Friday night he remained with the girl until midnight and found il dark and showing when he went to the door.
 He disliked to go home in the dark ness and hinted the fact to his girl. at aS she did not invite him to re- main over night. he rc7Ort6i to decep- -.on to accomplish his design and is now sorry for it.
 He let himself fall gently upon the steps and at once set up q groan. The girl shrieked, the men folks came out. picked iim up and put him to bed His prospective mOthcr-in-law inquired the location of his injuries, and when he said in the small of lis back she left the room hurriedly.
 He had just began to congratulate himself upon the success of his ruse as he listened 10 the storm beating against the window. when his intended mother ln-laW returned 10 the room bearing a huge mustard plaster, which she clapped over tac region Of the kidneys and sat down 10 wait the result.
 For two hours he wrirhed in pain and by that time a blister of sufficient ~.le 10 satisfy the old lady appeared ma ne was !e-t alone to repent his -ol!y.
 He says he Will never practice de- option again as long as he lives. and m never feel as kindly toward the young lady's mother as he has hereto iore, as every sight of her from this time forward will be suggestive of mus J2rd plasters and misery.-Iuudson (N. T. Republican. >-,;'
The St. Johns herald., 1886-05-06
ST. JOHNS, APACHE COUNTY ARIz
oc7a1 County Paper

LARGEST CIRCULATION ANDsBEST ADVERTISING MEDIUM
 IN APACHE COUNTY AND THE TERRITORY
The St. Johns herald., 1886-05-06
Notable Baby Wisdom.

4 little street wall was taken once to the. house of a great lady, and the child ish eyes. that had to lock so sharply after daily bread, were Gazzlcd by signs of splendor on every hand. Can you get everything you want" asked the child of the mistress Of the mansion.
 -..Yes; Ithink SO" was the reply.
 "Cm you buy anything you'd like to have?'
 The lady answered, "Yes." And the child, who was of a meditative turn of mind, looked at her half pityingly and said. wonderingly:
 Don't you find it, dull?"-LThe Re public.
The St. Johns herald., 1886-05-06
X Full Line of First.class Stationery and
 Job Material.
Send Ixa Iour Orders

SEND IN YOUR SUBSCRIPTIONS AND PERSUADE YOUR NEIGHBORS
 TO LIKEWISE.
The St. Johns herald., 1886-05-06
Mint Julep.

There is a great deal Qf pleasing infor- nation in the newly published History of the United States Mint. To some it might seem q sad defciency that there's 2othing in it about the United States J-lop.-r Philadelphia Mcws.
The St. Johns herald., 1886-05-06
The PoiygIot Population Of 1exas.

The messages of the Governor of Texas reach the polyEot population of that State n four different languages.
 Thirty thousand copies are printed in English, 10, 000 in German, and :, ,0OO each in Spanish and Bohemian.
The St. Johns herald., 1886-05-06
TIE cor AT THE FOOT OF THE HILL.

THE COT AT EEiI1 ' 'col O( IIIE hALA- There's a mansion O stone at the top of
 the hill,
 With beautiful gardens around, Where rarc5tcXotics, in gorgeous dyes, Thro all the long winter abound. l., floors are inlaid with mosaic designs, Its windows are smCther5d in lace, And treasures of art, in marble or oil, Fill every available space. At the foot of the hill is a dear ltttlc cot EmbowereI ia c!amberinG vines; R03nd doorway aud windows the sweet
 climbing rCee With the fragrant Madeira cntwines. Tho smbcam5 paint pictures all over the
 walls.
 And in front is my small Gardon-plot, Wher, thcoId-fashioucd flowers, ill bright
 flaming tints, Shed perfume around the dear spot. In the beautiful house ut the top of tho
 hli
 Lives a lady so stately and fair; In satins and velvets her figure is rohcd; In the braidS of her soft dusky hair Clean radiant jewels that simmer and
 flash
 Like the star-points ashinc in the sky; And yet-hcr red lips seem just ready to
 part
 And give vent to a heart-broken sigh. At the foot of the hill in my little white
 cot,
 The hours pass swiftly away; With my everyday duties and round Of
 small cares, am happy and busy all day. In my pretty pink dress and with un-
 adorned hair, At even a walk to the stile, To wait for my husband returning from
 work.
 And to give him a kiss and a smile The lady who lives at the top of the hill Has her carriage, her pony to ride; And often she drives past the door of my
 cot,
 But herhusband is ne'er by her side. And often she meets Us, my husband and
 me,
 Going home thro' the long shady lane. And her beautiful features, so naughty
 and cold,
 Contract in a spasm of pain. An, the house at the top of the hill is
 gem.
 But it cannot compare with my cot. All the jewels and wealth of the lady up
 there
 Could not tempt me to change with her
 lot. We have love in our cot that. in sunshine
 or gloom,
 Our hearts with pure happiness fills. Oh, no I'd not give for the wealth ot the
 world,
 My cot at the foot of the hill.
 -[ English Paper
The St. Johns herald., 1886-05-06
AFTER A QUARTER OF A CENTURY.
An Escaped Union Prisoner Recognized by
 Libby Official

A few days ago a gray-haired old man was in one of the hotels of this place when stranger got of a train which had just arrived, and passed through the waiting room. He eyed the old man closely, and over the face of the latter there flashed look of recognition.
 Pardon me, said the stranger, your face has a familiar look. yet I cannot place you. Perhaps I am mistaken"
 |" Oh, no" said the elderly gentleman " know you are not mistaken. I know you like book
 ' Indccd:'
 Yes, sir. You used to board with me"
 "Is't possible:" said the stranger.
 " Yes, sir; and you left without paying your board.
 That, sir, cannot be, was the indig- nant mans answer, as he became more and more confused.
 And" continued the oLi man, you left in the night and neglected to take your luggage"
 By this time the stranger was furious. He grew red with anger. and intimated that only the gray hairs Of his tOrmcntor saved him from violent treatment.
 On, you needn't get mad, said the old gent. remaining provokingly cool ;. You did all these things, and can prove l..
 '" See here, old man, who are you. and where are you from:'
 ], sir. am Capt. Jack Warner and you arc Quarterma7ter Murphy, and you es- capped from Libby while 1 was Quarter master of that institution
 |" Ny God" was the strangers ejacu- lati0n, as he warmly cla7pcd the hand of the cX-rebcl. Are you, indeed, the old c0mmis5ary: Well, l did board with you q while, and l gave you the slip, too, he lau-hingIv continued.
 QUartermastcr Murphy belonged to q New York regiment. and was captured and sent to Libby. It was the practice of the rebels to allow prisoners who had been practitioners of medicine to attend inc sick ill the prison hospital. They u.-rc given the frcodUm of the prison to go and come at will.
 One daya green sentry would not allow these men tO pass, when he was sharply rcprimanded by Capt. Gibbs, and was told that those men who wore red ribbons om the layels of their coats should pass unmOlc9t"d.
 Murphy overheard this and took advan- tage of it. He had some red lining in his vest, and tearing off strip, he pinned the physician insignia on his coat, and, watching an opportunity, he got past the guard and escaped over into the Union lines. s.-I Cincinnati Commercial Gazette.
The St. Johns herald., 1886-05-06

4 PAPER DEVOTED TO THE DEVELOPMENT AND INTER E,IS or TERRITORIAL DUSTRIES. PAPER FOR THE PEOPLE AND ALWAYS WITH
 THE PEOPLE.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1886-02-04
The Passenger Trains.

The first of this month new time card
went into effect on the Northern Pacific
by which the time of some of the pas.
senger trains was materially changed.
The train on the James River Valley line
now leaves jamestown at 9:1O q. m, ar
rives at LaMoure at 1910 p. m. Return
ing leaves LaAloure at 2:20 p. m. and ar
rives at jamestown at $3.50 p. M.
On the jamestown 4 Northern the pas
senger train leaves jamestown at s:45 a.
m. and arrives at Mlnnewaukan at l:l5
D. m. Returning leaves Minnewaukan
at 3 d. m. and arrives at jamestown at
7:30 p. m.
The Jamestown accommodation leaves
Fargo at 500 p. m. and arrives in James
town at 1890 a. IN.
The Pacific express arrives from the
east at 8 O'Clock a. m. and the Atlantic
express arrives from the west at 9:05 p.
m. The st. Paul & Minneapolis express
going east leaves Jamestown at 3 O'Clock
p. m.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1886-02-04

THE delegations in Washington from
Dakota and Nebraska are making the
Official path of land commissioner Sparks
thorny. In vain does he tell them that
it IS only the land grabbers he is after.
They insist on knowing why he regards
every CLAIM holder thief, until his hon
esty is proven, by Withholding patents
for lands upon which final proof has been
made and accepted until it suits his own
pleasure to investigate the facts connect
ed with them. Sparks may mean all
right but there are great many well
meaning people who think he IS as mean
as perdit,on because of the means he en-
ploys to show what he means. The
courts have practically decided that the
government has no interest in lands after
inal proof aud the money is paid, by de-
gliding that mortgages on such lands are
valid and binding. There is one CLEAN
of satisfaction IN connection with the
public land business, and that is, human
life is uncertain and Sparks is as liable to
die as anyone else. There is one thing
certain, however, there will never be any
monuments hullt of Dakota granite TO
perpetuate the name OF land commission
er Sparks.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1886-02-04

The Mason City un.) Journal very
gracefully surrenders on the climate
question as between Dakota and Illinois,
but still desires TO know why 1t is that
those who make money enough ont here
during the short summers to pay their
way come back down there 10 spend the
winter. The reason for that is very
similar to The motiye that prompts mis-
sionaries to leave home and its comforts
and endure the hardships OF a sojourn In
foreign lands-it is to persuade the peo.
pie to come up and inherit the goodly
land where every man can establish him
self and family on l6O acres of the earth
by an inal,enable and indefeas,ble right
OF inheritance for the valuable consldera.
tion of cultivating and improving it, the
proceeds Of his labor all going to himself
and the improvements on the land being
his own. Uncle Sam is generous land
lord and does not exact sixteen bushels
per acre rent delivered IN the market as
do the landlords of Illinois, but gives his
tenants all they raise and the land they
cultivate besides. 1t is to induce the
landlord ridden and oppressed people of
Illinois and contiguous states to come
out of their bondage that the Dakota
missionaries deny themselves the pleas
ures of our healty climate and winter
sunshine and endure the damp chilly at
mosphere and unhealthy changes Of those
states. Is the Journal answered.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1886-02-04
DRAWING THE LINE.
A New York View of Justice In the s'Row.
dy West"

A New York View of Justice In the ''Row-
dy West"
It was Nebraska jail, tavern, sa-
loon and real estate agency combined.
The Sheriff came out to welcome the
traveller, and he seemed to be . very
nice sort of man.
Things isn't Just as I'd want 'en,
you know he apologetically observed.
''but this is new country, and we
can't have everything at once. Make
yourself right to home while the old
woman cooks dinner,''
While waiting for the promised meal
one of the five or six men lounging
around the place entered the room and
asked the traveller for a chew of to-
bacco.
Jim, you mustn't do it-you really
mustn't" said the landlord. Il want
to do what's right and fair, but must
draw the line somewhere. You ail-
birds must not try to put yocrselfs on an
equality with the guests of my hotel. "
"a jailbird, did you say?" quetied tho
traveller, as Jim withdrew.
..Yes. He's in for two months All
that crowd out there are in jai.
'.But where's the jailf
..Right here. Tain't no siver-pas
palace, I'll admit but it's the best the
county can afford"
Where do you lock 'em up?'
nowhere. There isn't 3 lock on
any door.
"But what prevents 'em from rum
ming off?''
Nothing in pertickler. Reckon
they'll all clear out q soon as the grub
gifts poor, and l begin 10 water the
whisky"
"And you won't Try to stop emf"
'Oh, mo- I'm willing TO be Sheriff
and Jailor, and Iwant to see the county
git along, but they mustn't put too
many burdens on me. IN z. 0SA
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1886-02-04
The TObogganing Club Organized.

The members of the tobogganing club
met again last night at the Metropolitan
hotel and completed the permanent Or
ganization by the election of the follow
ing officers: r. NJ. Morris, president; E.
w. Camp, vice president; L. T. Hamil-
ton, secretary and treasurer; A. &. Cham
bers captain. The executive committee
was directed to procure a number OF to-
boggans Immediately. The slide will be
constructed at once and the exhilarating
sport will be in full blast IN q few days.
The gentlemen are allowed to invite their
lady friends to participate in the amuse-
ment,
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1886-02-04

The young woman who recently died
in Dayton, OHIO, from the effects of an
effort to hide the shame consequent upon
her TOO confidlng love, was an instance OF
heroic fidelity that makes the infamy of
her betrayer the deeper and darker. Un-
der the agony of her death throes she re-
fused to disclose the name Of the man
who had basely taken advantage of her
confidence and love, and then allowed
her to meet the consequences as best she
might, while he posed before the world
as a gentleman. Inc noble fidelity of
the young woman would challenge the
highest admiration under any other cir
cumstances, but in this case 1t cannot be
commended for it screened from public
execration and legal punishment the man
who had basely betrayed her confidence
and despolled her virtue.
OF her love, the angels in Heaven might tell,
But his would be whispered with shudders in hell
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1886-02-04
Another Wheat Squeeze.

The little wheat option dealers have
been squeezed again by the Duluth bears
and many of them realize the sensation
of being on the losing side of game of
''freeze out' on large scale. A drop Of
three cents called for large margins on
even small deals and the small fry
''shorts' without good bank accounts had
no alternative but to step out with q
broad grin. We do not know how many
jamestown spectators were caught IN
this squeeze, if any at all, but the lesson
should haye its weight all the same.
There is gang of spectators in the Du.
luth market who have money to back
them and they are "laying for suckers"
whom they squeeze whenever they can
make good haul.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1886-02-04
B0yntOn's Latest Break.

We infer from the following poetic
kick that o. A. Boynton does not fall in
with the pedigree the Alert gave him q
few days ago. He probably objects to
tracing his line Of descent back to Cain
in the land of Nod. The point of his OBJ
lection must be inferrrd, however, from
the following:
To the Editor of the Alert
When you arrive at heavens gate
Outside old Peter'll make you wait,
Until record you can show,
Pure and white as spotless snow.
To think that face which you possess
Will ever be among the blest,
Is robbing him of his just right
OF having things both pure and bright.
While here on earth good must,be done,
IT'S not enough old Adams son,
So do repent before too late,
And gain admission through that gate.
%. A. BoYNToN.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1886-02-04

Mr.. Rand who has been in the employ
of the Northern Pacific railroad for ff-
teen years and was one of the first en-
gineers on the road, and who for the last
three years has been general manager OF
the shops in this city, has resigned his
position and will engage IN wheat raising
On his farm near Lisbon this season. Mr..
Rand has been faithful employe of the
company and by his courteous assocla-
ton with the people has surrounded him
self with . large circle of friends who
will regret the departure Of himself and
family from our midst. MIR. Rand and
family will take their departure for theil
future home in Ransom county the frs,
of next week.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1886-02-04
That Fabricated Blizzard.

The st. Psul Globe owes 1t to its nu-
merous patrons in North Dakota to give
the name OF the person who sent the
special telegram from jamestown. last
week purporting to give an account of q
terrible blizzard in this part of the coun-
try, q blizzard which had no existence
except in the brain Of the author of the
telegram. The Globe has been imposed
upon by some person who is either total
ly incompetent to state facts or willfully
misrepresented them and the people of
this city anu Vicinity would like to know
who it Is.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1886-02-04
Progressive Euchre Party.

One OF the most pleasant and interest
ing progressive euchre parties of the sea-
son took place at Mr.. +. L. Grants resi-.
dence last evening. The following gen.
tlemen were accompanied by their wives
Mayor Flint, H. G. Hetchkiss, j. A. Dole,
Chas. Wright, H. Gieseler, Andrew Blew.
lit, Joe D. Mills, Chas. Richardson, H.
A. Blood, Mrs. J. Nlckeus, Mrs. Honick,
Mrs. T. J. Jones, Mrs. Mlnnis, j. H..
Hotchkiss, Clint. Hotchkiss, VIM. Reed.
Mr.. Richardson and Mrs. Jones won the
principal laurels while Mrs. Hotchkiss
and Mr.. Gleseler won the goose egg. All
who attended the party speak very highly
of the manner in which they were enter
tanned by the host and hostess of the
evening.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1886-02-04

The last proposition for sinking an ar
teslau we'll in jamestown Is that of the
Gray Brothers, of this city. They propose
to bore dry hole and ascertain the guam
tity of gas and thickness Of coal veins
which they must pass through, so that IN
case of failure to obtain flow of water
the well may be used for supplying gas,
if 1t be found. They are citizens of the
city, ax-payers, and in every way re.
sponsible men, and other things being
equal, should have the preference. They
have also had a great deal of experience
in boring artesian and oil wells IN Penn.
sylvania, and know what to do and how
to do it. The only question is whether
the population and financial condition OF
our city Will warrant such an enterprise.
That settled the work can be done at q
reasonable price.