Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1886-08-19
HUMOROUS.
Fun in Small Dose. for the Million.

n uuubCWilO th6e hhCA
ought to be useful. They might as
well be smoking hams as cigars.
An exchange says that ice two inches
thick will support man. In midsum-
mer it supports the iceman and his en-
tire family.
He-" And now, Sarah, what kind of
an engagement ring shall / get y0u%
She" Solid gold, guess, Henry. I'm
so tired of wearing imitation gold for
engagements"
Young men believe in nothing nova
days" said Mrs. Ramsbotham, with
deep sigh. Why, there's my nephew,
: Tom, who was brought up as a Chris
tian and now he's an acrostic."
A New Britain (Conn.) man has been
sentenced to six months Imprisonment
for kissinga a Massachusetts, girl. Many
a man has been made life long
prisoner just by kissing girl.
A servant who prided herself on liv-
ing in a genteel family, being asked to
define the term, said, "Why, they keep
a carriage, have three or four kinds of
wine and never pay bill the first time
it is called for"
Furniture dealer Ito lady who is
going into housekeeping)-"Can't | sell
you a nice strong rocking-chair,
ma'am?" Lady good naturedly) 80 Not
just now, sir. My girls are not yet old
enough to have company"
One of the most humilating expert
ences in mans life is TO sit in dem
lists chair and have him bore up six or
eight inches into the head without
noticeable interfering with the brain,
which was supposed to fill the upper
story.
"Science enumerates five hundred
and eighty-eight species of organic
forms in the air we breathe" Just
think of it Every time you draw in
your breath whole geological garden
slips down your windpipe, and no free
tickets to the press.
An Illinois young farmer is accused
of using this tropical language as con-
elusive proof of his ardOr and fidelity:
my best loved one, | chawed the
postage stamp on your last letter all to
thunder, because | knowed you licked
it on"
The ministers in large cities are now
| llNulldlluR Mlli llttlNob uDOll tuO
words of Simon Peter, 81 60 Il fishing"
1t is not recorded, however, that Peter
and all the other disciples eyer left
town in a body and shut up all their
churches during vacation.
) Men may talk about their love for
the old homestead and women may
prattle about its memories being wound
around their hearts, but we have
noticed that there is nothing clings to
it so closely as good healthy mort
gage. 1t never loses its interest In the
old place.
ATexas preacher caught four or five
boys In his peach trees He did not
punish them, but merely said: "You
ought to be ashamed of yourselves, par
ticularly the big boys. Which of you
boys here Is the oldestI" "He amt
here at all, sir. He didn't know that
II, we were coming said youngster."
Mrs. Brown Qaying down the paper)
~ see the loveliest women in Kansas
, are found In Cheryvale; and strange
, to say, they never wear corsets. How
. different from our Northern women"
Mr.. Brown ,(disgusted) -" Yes, indeed.
Up here our society ladieswear nothing
else" '' ii'.''i' 1912" s-' 1890
5 A Catasauqna yOungster, who was
, being put to bed the other night, wanted
his back scratched and that soothing
/, operation was being performed when
! he ebegan his prayer This is the way
he started 1t: "NOw Hay me down to
|. sleep, l pray the Lord-scratcb why
!, don'tyOuy" ea g.
, A young society girl in the city says
|. that II there is any one thing more
necessary than another it is that all
4 boys should be taught at school to WELD
s a lady's fan to lady's satisfaction.
a Not one male person in hundred, she
! says, knows the first thing about fan
= ming a lady as 1t ought to be done.
An uptown woman just after she had
got done her washing, told her talking
IS acr0ss-the-fence neighbor that she was
s. actually 50 tired that she could scarcely
r stand on her feet. In fifteen minutes
= after that she began two-hour stand
i on an acquaintance's sidewalk waiting
!" for a funeral to start, and she stood il
ID out.
l. "How does my wife take my incar
10 cerationl' asked a convicted Mormon
VI pfVther, SUSIE CITES net eyes Out
Jennie Is sad at times; Martha doesn't
seem TO care, very much; Sophie says
she is going back to her parents in Ten
= nessee; while Eugenia Is already en-
y, gagged again. All, my wife is a wonder
ly full woman, isn't she?'
ID Isav Dick don,t Won think thot a,
a tba women had IN So ths anht;n@ ~
~ ~ stead of the men thew would MAKE hn no.
10 work of IN" aNo; why do YOU ask p
IS Because think they would. they hay,
ly such an engaging way with them
al "That's very true, but they have ais,
~ :, such n captivating way. there woul,
IL be doubtless more prisoners thar
iy killed." no
on -, o,
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