The Penn's Grove record., 1886-10-09
THE WOES OF A CONDUCTOR.
The Season When OmciaIs of the
CHANGING RAN st1dy BueolIc
Humanity.


"Do l look like a Pennsylvania Rail
road conduetor?n
The blue and silvery gentleman lean
ed gloomily against the fireless stove
and viciously kicked over the array of
lanterns which the brakeman had lust
lighted and set in the forward end of
the rear car of the 9:45 accommodation
from Harrisburg.
well, John, you're no dude,p said
the travelling man, who tattered ever
the arm of the third seat from the door
and ther~oy contrived frequent occa-
sions to beg the pardon of the pretty
girl who had got in at Gainesville as the
accommodation jog trot sent him tip
ping ver On her.
81 should say not" said the condue-
tor. "Why, I've been too sick of it,to
get shaved for the last two days. L
amt had my boots BACKED since yester-
day. 1 don't care whether my clothes
is dusty or not. What's the use?,'
The conductors tone was really des-
perate for a blue and silver gentleman.
The travelling man tipped over on the
Coatesville girl again, Joined in her
laughter inspired by the suggestive
sound Of some vitreous article in his
pocket as it clanked against the ash OF
the seat-arm, and attempted TO console
his friend.
20, never mind, john" he said, sit
won't be long. S'pose you wa runn1n'
regular out of Atcnison or somewhere
else in the cowboy country. Why, these
jays amt a circumstance to 'em."
"fdon't have to run out of any Atchi-
son." replied the conductor, somewhat
offended at the idea of his dignity be-
ing lowered to any point west of Chi
cago.
The brakeman stuck his head in the
door and drawled Powelton Avenue in
the parish clerk name of the we'll
conducted brakeman. There was q
huddled rush of countrymen for the
door. The travelling man picked him
self out of the pretty girls lap with
genuine occasion to ask her pardon.
The conductor planted himself colos-
sus-fashion, across the aisle and began
a speech: Passengers will please re-
main seated until the train comes to a
full stop-There is no necesslty-No,
sir; we are nowhere nea Bristol.
Madam, l can't tell whether your hus-
band is outside there or not-Great
Scott!''
With the last exclamation the con-
ductor undammed the crowd of coun-
try people, rushed out on the platform,
jumped down, and snatched a drunken
rustic from the path of q west-bound
freight, and r%eappeared in time to throw
a little boys cap, which the little boys
mother had forgotten, after him. Then,
as the tram started again, he resumed
his place against the stove, with a look
of injured innocence triumphant at the
travelling man, which seemed to say:
''Can the cowboy country beat this2"
There was the silence of assent, to
the conductors facial inquiry. and he
went on. "It's fairs-not fares, but
f-a-i-r-s-county fairs. County fairs.
The crowd has been drawn to see prize
hogs and pumpkins, patchwork and
thrashing machines. It's been so for a
week and it'll be so for a month. It's
so every year. This gangs mostly from
the Lancaster fair. We had just such
another crowd at Harrisburg, from the
Grangers' picnic, but we got rid of most
of them by the time we got to Column
bia. Eight carloads of people and not
one-tenth of them ever travel except
this once a year. I've run the theatre
train out of Jersey City on the New
York Division every weekday night
for a week, and Saturdays it was pretty
tough, but it wasn't a white marker to
this. You might have half a dozen
DRINKS, but those DRINKS were used to
travelling and used to being drunk. But
take a man who amt used to travelling
and amt used to being drunk, and have
him travelling and drunk at the same
time and it's a great combination.
Listen to that, will your"
The tipsy bowls of the four young
who had had a bottle filled with
Highspire whisky at Lancaster filled
the car. There was a slight chain of
circumstantial evidence In their MARBLE
that the Mikado had got on his travels
in the back counties.
"Frazer's!'' called the brakeman
sticking his head in the door again.
When the conductor anne back the
travelling man had managed to somer-
set himself into the acquaintance OF the
Gainesville girl, and without an auditor
the blue and silver gentleman unused
on his grievances to Broad street.
60