Los Angeles daily herald., 1886-10-20
How Detroit Men Can Lie.
Trrom the Detroit Free Press.I

YUMA, A. tt take piece Of dried
ink whitfield down in my hand to inform
you that the equstor has slipped several
notches or two and got directly over US. say
ten feet above us. with warmer indications
by the corn barometer, and making one
think he is in Wiltshire, sure. 1t is tirrid-
ly horrid, or horribly torrid, we don't know
which, or both, but we rather think so.
The prevailing impression. is that We
have dried and gone there, for we neve.
saw SO much weather with the cold jerked
so completely out of 1t. The beauty of it is
that we do not allow any body to mention 1t
only when he is by himself. If Hottentot
were here to-day he would get hottentotter.
A brick wall doesn't give any shade be-
cause the sun Just knocks the mortar out
between the bricks and shines through. 1t
is the hottest day ever seen IN this country,
and you couldn't expect to find hotter one
in a future country.
Nothing will cast shadow. The sun
shines in The windows oil all four sides of
the house. You walk around without d
shadOw-which is a great relief to some OF
our citizens, as even the police can't shad-
ow you. If you ever had a shadow on your
reputation there is none there now. 1t is
useless for your neighbors to try to lay you
in the shade. You do not need any wood
in the stove to cook with, as the stoves are
already red hot.
All kinds of business transactions are red
hot, and people get their fingers burned,
aud 1t is impossible for people to treat their
enemies with their usual cool indifference.
The mercury Is at the extreme Fahrenheit
of its career, and nothing but hot words
now pass current between neighbors. Water,
when 1t gets to such consistency that you
can roll it up in your hands and make a
baseball out OF it, is Certainly wonderful
thing. You perspire until you are as dry as
prohibition town, and 1t looks as II they
would have to soak us a week to bring us
back to life and soften us up little until
we are more pliable. Even the shades of
4 ,t1l H. faty ~ for p no
The usually cool and calculating man is
not here now, nor the neighbor who can
give you the cold shoulder. cake, OF ice
out in the sun is soon done brown, we'll
baked crust being formed on the surface of
1t. Boarders are not complaining about the
landlady's cold vIctuals at meals for they
are all hot II you want to bake bread, Just
put it into refrigerator and 1t will soon be
done. Ice cream signs are all taken IN ana
the young men cease to be taken in, as Ice
cream cannot endure this weather and sur
vive.
If you put rods on your house to prevent
the heat from striking II your labor VIII al
through the roof and catch you, even If you
are under feather-bed
The man who ventures out with cool
soaked brick in his hat, thinking to knock
the heat off with it, will soon go the ground,
Lawyers to-day are actually sweating In
their efforts to make other people sweat.
Old grudges seem to be softentng and run
ming away, and old sailors say there is GER
tainly clear passage to the North Pole, and
1t would be good time to start out for 1t
now il you were we'll equipped with linen
busters and have good assortment OF fans.
Fans do no good here, as they merely blow
the heat against your face and SINCE your
beard of. If one were Shadrach. Meshach
or Abednego he might go through this fiery
ordeal without SINCE, but l do not think
any of us are eligible for the position. Yet
If you start out with buggy you will be
apt to think that you are an Elijah making
the trip in a fiery chariot--though without
clearance papers. Money in your pockets
gets hotter than ever, and burns holes in
them a great deal quicker.
| 1t is such fierce holiness that we are
| grieyously depressed because we can not
| run around and pay other people what we
| owe them-so are said other people. The
umbrella handles actually blister your
| hand when you start out with it, while you
| feel that you are sort of walking confla
grafton, and yearn for some one to put you
out. The fiery effusions Of the poet cannot
| be auenched even by the cold water which
| the humane editor throws them. Figures
of speech are inadequate to express the
| figures of heat. The earth is heated SO fal
down that we will have hot winters fol
some time. But we can safely state tina
book agents, insurance men, fieas, flies ant
other insects are standing this hot spell
wonderfully well.
| A. w. BELLAw.