Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-06
Bill Nze on Hydrophobia.

4
we to dot prevent the spread of the
most insidious and disagreeable disease
known as hydrophobiap When fell
low-being has to be smothered, as was
The case the other day right here in our
fair land, land where tyrant foot hath
aever trod nor bigot forged chain,
we look anxiously into each others
faces and inquire, what shall we do?
Shall we go TO France at a great ex-
pense and fill our aystems full of dog
virus and then return to our glorious
land where we may fork over that virus
to posterity and thus mix up French hy-
irophibia with the navy-blue blood of
tree-born American citizensp.
l wot not.
If knew that would be my last wot
would not changeit. That is just
wot it would be-.
But again.
What shall we do to avoid getting i'm
pregnated with the American dog and
then saturating our systems with tho
alien dog of Paris?
1t is a serious matter and if we do
not want to play the Desdemona act,
we must take some timely precautions.
What must those precautions bep
Did it ever occur to the average
thinking mind that we might squeeze
along for weeks without dogp Whole
families have existed for years after be-
ing deprived of dogs. Look at the
wealthy of our land. They go on COM
fortably through life and die at last with
unanimous consent of their heirs dog
less.
Then why can not the poor taper of
on dogs? They ought not to stop all
Of a sudden; but they could leave off a
dog at time until at last they over
came the pernicious habit. saw n
man in St. Paul last week who was once
poor, and SO owned seven variegated
dogs. He was confirmed in the habit.
But he summoned all his will power at
last and said he would shake off those
dogs and become n man. He did so,
and to-day he owns city lot in st.
Paul, and seems to be the picture of
health.
The trouble about maintaining dog
is that he may 60 on for years in a
quiet, gentlcmanly way, winning the
regard of all who know him, and then
all of a sudden he may hydrophobe in
the most violent manner. Not only
that but he may do so while we have
company. He may also bite our twins
or the twins of our warmest friends
He may bite us now and we may laugh
at it, but in five years from now, while
we may be delivering a humorous lee
ture, we may burst forth into the au-
dience and bite beautiful young lady
in the parquet on the ear.
1t is solemn thing to think of, fell
low-citizens, and l appeal to those who
may read this, rs a man who may not
live to see satisfactory political re-
form-I appeal to you to refrain from
the dog. He is purely ornamental. We
may love a good dog, but we ought to
love our children more. 1t would be a
very, very noble and expensive dog
that | would agree to feed with my only
son.
know that we gradually become at
I tached to good dog. but some day he
may become attached to us, and what
can be sadder than the sight of lead
ing citizen drawing a reluctant mad
dog down the street by main strength
and the seat of his pantaloons' q mean
his own, not the dogs pants. This
joke will appear in book-form in April
The book will be very reasonable, and
there will be another joke in it also ]
have said a good deal about the dog,
pro and con, and am not rabid dog
abolitionist, for no one loves to have
his clear cut features licked by the
warm, wet tongue of noble dog any
more than l do; but rather than sec
hydrophoba become a national char.
acteristic or leading industry here,
would torego the dog.
Perhaps all men are that way, how
ever. When they get little forehand.
ed they forget thai they were once
poor and owned dogs. If so, do not
wish to be unfair. Let us yield up oul
dogs and take the affection that We
would otherwise bestow on them and
lavish it upon some human being.
have tried it and it works well. There
are thousands of people in the world
of both sexes. who are pining and
starving for the love of money that We
daily shower on the dog.
If the dog would be kind enough tc
refrain from introducing his justly cele
brated virus into the persons of those
only who refuse to kiss HIM on tn,
moist, cold nose, it would be all right
but when dog goes mad he is yer,
impulsive, and he may bestow himsel
on an obscure man. So | feel a littl,
nervous myself. BILL NYE.