Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-23
BRIGHT BITS.

FIRST SENATOR Come now, you haven't
opened your month.
Second STANDARDIZATION me; have gaped
| al through your speech ,-Burltngton free
Press.
THINGS One Would Rather Have Left I'm
said.-He-Ey will be leaving town
now that Parlia ment is dissolved.
She-Yes. Indeed think all inc nice peo-
pie have left already - wGch.
He was a carpenter He had lifted his
hammer to strike nail. Did he strike? Not
much lie paused, hen returned the hammer
to his box. The Y O'Clock whistle had blown.
lie was Working by the day. Pun.
"MOTHER," SAID a little girl, II believe III
be Duchess when 1 grow up
How do you expect to become Duchess,
my daughter?' -
"Why BY marrying a Dutchman. to be
sure, replied the little girl, Ese4dre9e-
LTGHTNniG ROD AGENr-Its dangerous to
be under tree ina thunder storm One OF
us might get killed. p
Nctm-W ell, Ifyou are killed you won't
be able to talkap 'Glorei nd II am killed
Ell Emr5 near you 8ss iguess yea better stay
sCHULzE-And how do you like the parrot
l sent you?
Muller-It was bit tough
Schulze-What! have you eaten it, them
Why, the creature could talk.
Nuller-Wen, why didn't it say so, them
Neao York Sun.
THE New York Sunday World published the
portraits of seven prominent coored citizens
! of Gotham. Six of them had white IA es. Ii
the portraits had been of white men every one
probably would have been as black rs coal. l.
Is one of the eccentrlcItles of Illustrated dauv
! journalism that white snail be black and black
| whlte.-BOSto13 Post.
The aBti-slang movement IN our State is
! winning many adherents. The scheme in
| wolves forfeiture Of sc for every slang word
INDUCED n, the proceeds gong towards some
| missionary fund. There Is nothing that will
| knock slang silly SO quick as having to chip a
! nickel every time one toots his horn.-ROc6-
| LdnG Courier GdsetGe.
What IS this anti-saloon movement"
| asked friend of our fellow citizen Col, Cal
| houn SozLle.
"Ante saloon" said the Colonel, toying
! with the strawberry that had settled iii the
/ bottom OF his glass, "must be one of them
| clubs where they play poker. Gimme an
| other of them, George. Commercial BasjLetin.
YES" said the spirit medium to the re-
| porter, the unbelieVers and scotfers give us
! 4 gooo deal OF trouble, hut we manage TO get
'em somehow. The other evening an Oakland
man stuck TO 1t that we couldn't materialize
! the spirit of his deceased wife, but when
| dropped couple of tomcats through the top
of the cabinet onter his bald head it converted
| him too quick. "-SGh francisco Wasp
| A porpoise to a shark remarked:
"Didst ever see such buffers
| AS those queer fishes that we see
| SkylarEing there like buffers?
! NhdC are they-nUInan, nan or fowl,
| CLANS, oysters, crabs, or tuppers?"
"Hush!' qu0th the shark; ''they're humane
Pm wanting them for snppers'
-NeD Y0rh Journal.
ONE OF our Bishops. addressing the bows of
the House OF Correction, near Boston, with
| out preparation, congratul ated them in lieu
| OF anything else 10 say, on the priv ileges they
| enjoyed, aud deDlored the fact that he IN his
| youth had never had such OPPORTUNITIES
"Ah," said he, 81 wish had had such adj
vantages when | was young rs all YOU bows
have to-day" The boys smiled and SO did
some others. -ChicaG0 LjUiHg Church..
ONE hotel proprietor to another ditto-But
how is 1t that you dare advertise "a delight
full breeze in the hottest days" when the
thermometer has stood at 95 deg IN the shade
for the last week, and there is never breath
of ar stirring?
''Simple enough, my dear fellow I've nut
wire all around the edges of the nag that flies
! from the cupola, and iG stands out straight
! wind or no wind, as though it were blowing
forty miles an hour. One look at that nag
satsfies them. = RaTps,iS Bdsur.
! ADVICE TIC, RESSIAISFS.--
DO not deem all persons minions
Cause they don't hold your opinions;
If your creed with theirs don't chime
Do NOS holdtit as a crIRe. l..,.
| IL some theories you clam
| why, let Others do the Same. ~
| DO not AT your paper whine,
Shouldlts views be not like thine,
For this world--I tell yon true
Was not made alone for you
| .---GOO6TlpS Sun