Morning journal and courier., 1886-03-17
READY MADE.

! A somewhat weather-beaten tramp beinI 1 asked what was the matter with his coat re plied-sInsomnia; it hasn't had nap in tel I years"
 Al man should buy ready made shoes if he ! wants something to wear we'll, because l., never sees the last of them.-Taunton Ga zette.
 A correspondent wants to know how tt keep cider from working. Imbue it with SO cialistic ideas. Nothing works that has them l-Binghamton Republican. AS cooking clubs are demanding much at tention, it is suggested that few police mems clubs might be cooked and perhaps thereby be made softer.--Boston Traveller. "What station do you call this2' asked man as he crawled out of the ruins of car after recent railroad accident. ''Devas tatien, sis, D replied his fellow passengers in chorus.
 In Switzerland d-Mamma-''How do you like the cowbells, my dear Irma?" Irma- "Oh, quite well only I should think they would make the cows nervous. ."-Fliegende Blatter.
 So Observant.-Mamma(sho (shopping)-''Y may cut me off sample, and I'll see my dressmaker and write'' Infant Terror "Why, nal That's just what you said in al the other shops!"-Punch.
 Anything new this morning?' asked the insane asylum superintendent of his assist ants. 'sNo. 136 has begun to write poetry for the papers, :" Begun to write poetry. has hes Put him in the incurable ward. ''-
 Texas Siftings.
 "Papa," asked little three-year- old E'why do say short prayer and you long prayer" Because you are not old enough to learn long prayer" explained the father. s'Is that its I thought it was because l haven't got wicked enough yet to have to say long prayer"
 Attorney (examining witness): ''You say you saw the shots fireds" Witness: "Yes, sir" Attorney: "How near were you to the first shot was fired was ten feet from the shooter" Attorney: 'Ten feet. Well, now, tell the court where you were when the second shot was fred" Witness: I didn t measure" Attorney: Speaking approxi- mately, how far should you says" Witness: 'Well, it approximated to half mile. "- Tid Bits.
 Secretary Chase was not originally pro- fane man. He learned how to swear after he went into Iincoln's cabinet. One day, after he had delivered himself rather vigorously Lincoln said to him:
 sfMr. Chase, are you an Episcopalian2''
 s'Why do you ask?" was the somewhat sur- prised counter r-question.
 '.Oh, just out of curiosity" replied Lin COlu 1C"dLo io taI 11plSCOJdl1tAs dlo had noticed that you and he swore in much the same manner. r."-Washingten Ratchet.
 I once knew beautiful, heavenly school teacher i'll Jones county, Georgia. One day I called on her and she said the people in her district thought she crazy because she was religious. After I had talked with her for some time went out among the people. Several of them came up to me looking wise and knowing like and said, s'Don't you think Miss-is cracked?" 'tCrackedl" exclaimed l, "what do you mean2' s'Why," they re- piled, ''don't you think she is cracked on the subject of religionr :'Well,"-I said, Eff she is cracked I want to be busted wide open."- Sam Jones.
 A sick farmer had an obstinate COW which he wished to get to market. On consulting his neighbors he received the following ad- vice: The carpenter said he'd have screw driver; the furniture man said let bureau drawer; small boy offered to holler; the newspaper man said let editorial leader; the postmaster suggested having a letter carrier; the village toper wanted to do his part, and offered to take a horn; the pickle vender thought little gherkin would start her. Meantime the farmer expired of ex- haustion, and the COW died of grief. This fable teaches that the possibilities of the English language are great.-Oregon States man.