The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-07-29
BUMPS AND TRAITS. 81
The Mistakes of a Phrenologist-A Fellow
Whose Bumps Varied from the
Chart,


| can't Just now recall his name. but
he was registered at the hotel at Elk
Rapids as from the Chicago Tribune.
There wasn't anything singular in two
newspaper men making up TO each
other-not when they were both away
from home. | liked his looks from the
start, and when he realized it he brought
out chart of his head which Professor
Fowler had given him. According to
the chart his leading traits were:
l. Extreme liberality.
2. Utter absence of seltishneSs.
3. Strong friendship.
i was glad that the chart confirmed
my own private impressions, and our
friendship was cemented with the blood
of the revolution, for which the land
lord charged ten cents glass. On the
fourth day we went out together in a
skiff on the bay to fish. He insisted on
paving for the bait and in rowing the
boat, and that agreed exactly with trait
No. l. We We're half mile off shore,
and shll going ahead, when the skitf
banged against some unseen object,
the bottom was stove in, and the next
oment she filled to the gunwales. The
oars floated away as we tloated out, and
we settled down TO business with the
wreck floating full of water, and he
hanging to one end and | to the other
1t was only then that a suspicion crept
into my mind that Fowler hadn't felt
of that chaps bumps in dead earnest.
You did it-you Internal idiot-you
did it!'' he yelled at me, as he got Little
Traverse Bay out of his mouth.
As Fowler hadn't included truth in
his lesding traits, felt free to deny the
allegation, but he repeated it in a Wig
orous manner and added:
I've got a revolver, and if you don't
let 90 of this boat I'll shoot your
..For wiy?" says |.
"Becapse it won't float both OF US. and
I'm going td save myself at any costr'
That was his cutter absence of self
ishness," as recorded on the chart, and
was surprised and grieved to think
Fowler had been so taken in. | asked
for little grace, and he replied:
Give you just two minutes to say
your prayers"
wanted twenty, and he wouldn't
even compromise on six. That was
more of his extreme liberality." When
| saw that he was inclined to hurry the
funeral | bounced the boat around and
prevented him from getting at his
weapon, which had stuck fast in his wet
pocket Pretty soon he tried another
lay. Said he:
Il am a married man and have four
children. All you've got is wife, and
she's half dead at that. Have some
reason about YOU"
! agreed to argue the case, each side
being limited to five minutes, and he
charged me with cold-blooded selfish
ness. If the circumstances were only
reversed he'd die for me in a minute,
but as we couldn't reverse 'em he had
another proposition. If I'd let 90 and
die q-,ietly and decently he'd raise al
least 300 for my widow if he was saved
and 'a,uld give ME column notice in
the Tribune, describing the details oi
my heroic act, and winding up with the
paragraph:
I'VE are certain that the public will
| not let his grave remain unhonored by
| a fitting tablet"
| wanted to know what sort of tab
| let, the cost. etc. had seen so many
cheap tablets that | felt like holding ou
| for Scotch granite monument, with ar
angel on the apex He cot so mad a
| the delay that | had to bounce the boat
again to keep the pistol in his pocket
| When he had Gained down he appealed
to my generosity and manly honor. He
| had just had his salary raised. Hi!
| father-in-law had just come TO appreci
ate him for what he was. He was The
president of a Chicago literary society
and leading member of a debating
| club. His future was full of the bigges
| kind of watermelons, and the Who'll,
world would miss him. | hadn't an,
salary worth mentioning father-i1
law at all-no hopes beyond fourth-floo
! rates Wasn't it better to die a here
than to live on like thistle by the road
sideP | asked him to put his languag
| in the form of motion. which he di'
and a vote was taken-it was a stand
off. His side only got one vote an
| that was half full of water.
| never saw q chap so full of motion
| and resolutions as he was for three
| quarters of an hour, and | never attend
ed caucus where the opposition wa
so determined to vote them ali down
He had apparently exhausted his stocl
and was hunting for something new
when he lost his hold on the wreck an
went Observation-Disclosures fou
feet, where he rested solidly on sand
bar. The water for fifty feet aroun
was from two TO four feet deep, and
was the end of sunken spar which ha
wrecked us. He came over to me ant
held out his hand, but | waded ava
from him in dignitied manner. II
said he was only in fun, and he offere
me three fish-hooks, a iack-knife, bal
OF string, and big hunk of Petoske
maple sugar to resume friendly an
confidential relations. In vain.
fisherman came out and took US off tn
bar, and we never spoke again. A ma
whose bumps deceive a phrenologist
no fellow to tie to.-DetroH Free Press