The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-07-15
nent is full, and if not, send this young

ment is full, and if not, send this young
man up"
New York Sun: "Yes," said New
Yorker, Il had very pleasant time over
in Boston. In fact, always do. It's a
cultivated city"
Anything new being discussed there in
social or literary circles?"
'No; nothing new. They are still agi-
tating the questions, who is to write the
American novels! and who is to whip Sui
livan?'"
Punch: young men believe in moth
ing nowadays" said Mrs. Ramsbotham,
with a deep sigh. "Why, there's my
nephew Tom, who was brought up as
Christian, and now he's an Acrostic."
New York Life: "Why that cruel, re-
lentless look, George, DEAR" she asked,
shave you ceased to love me?"
'"Hush!" he whispered hoarsely, "the ma
ture of my business demands it."
"Oh, George, does opening oysters re-
quire such cold, IMPLYING expression ?"
II am no longer an oyster opener" he
replied, and the cruel, relentless look be-
came still more cruel and relentless; "I'm
a baggage master"
Lewistown Journal: An express train
stopped at Pittsfeld few days ago to
let passenger get off for a minute and
kiss his wife, who happened to be in that
town. As long as no train is permitted to
stop in order to let man kiss another
fellows wife, surely no fault can be found
with railroads management for this sort
of thing.
Life: Mrs. Malaprop-Im so glad,
John, that we don't belong to none of
them old Dutch families. 1t must be so
disagreeable to think you are descended
from some old poltroon.
New York Sun: Citizen Ito base ball
manager)- To what do you attribute your
defeat to-day?
Manager-To the fact that the other
club had two mascots, while we only had
one. l shall have mascots enough on our
western trip to win two games out of three
if have to buy up a whole founding
asylum.
New York Times: Miss Clara-"Such
a shocking accident at the ball game this
afternoon, mamma! Poor Mr.. Twobagger
was run into and instantly killed"
ADMINISTRATIVE. The game was stop.
ped, of course" Miss Clara-"No; Mr..
Onebagger took his place and the game
went on. But, mamma, it wasn't nearly
so interesting. Mr.. Twobagger was such
a lovely pitcher.
Boston Transcript: "Where'm goin
this vacation, pop?" inquired Jimmy
Tuffboy of his paternal.
"Well, you are going to behave your
self to start with"
"That's tough one pop. Where then!'
II guess if you go to one picnic tina
will do you"
Zone picnic! No picnics for me. Tn
going to tramp these woods round herr
for six straight weeks. Picnics are NJ
use. Who wants to row boat load O
girls all over pond, an not have ZEN
speak to you on the street,"
Boston Courier:
The angler sits upon the sRard
| And waits to feel the tug,
And there, at intervals, is heard
| The gurgle of the jug.
| Buffalo Times: Youth have come t.
ask for the hand of your daughter.
| Physician-You have?
Youth-Yes, sir. 1 have enough of thi
worlds goods to support her in comfort
even in luxury.
Physician-Yes, am aware of that bu
you will treat her kindly? Will you be
\ gentle husband?
4 Youth-Yes, swear.
4 Physician never mind swearing
Your intentions are all right, no doub
but must feel sure that you won't worr
I and fret the life out of her after you ge
her. Take off your coat and let me SCUM
you to see what kind of liver you've got
New York Sun: II cen always tel
VIII ether man is from the east or west,
sail Washington hotel clerk.
"How do you do it?"
when an eastern man registers HI
says, will you kindly direct me to tn
bari? A western man says, where's tn,
bar kept at?'"