News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-28
A BATCH OF STRAY JOKES
GATHERED IN FROM ALL QUAR-
TIERS FOR ONE TO SMILE OVER.
Too Aecommodnting-POet and Truth
Too Hurd Work-CsIad to Get Out-It
was JustiGabie-A Charleston Sufferer
Odds and Ends, ETC., Etc.


Too Hurd WOrk-GIad to Get Out-It
was JustiGabie-A Charleston Sufferer
Odds and Ends, ETC., Etc.
EXIT TOBACCOSIsT.
"Young mani" shouted the retail to-
bacconist, didn't caution you to keep
your eyes peeled for plugged silver
coinsY
Eyes, sir"
"Well, here's a plugged half-dollar
which you must have taken in this after
noon while 1 was out"
eyes, sir, I know did -
"You knew it was plugged and yet
you accepted 1t ?"
eyes, sir. :, l hadn't the moral courage
to refuse"
"Oh, you hadn't2 Well, on Saturday
night you can take your pay and go.
don't want a boy here who will let a
scoundrel impose on him in that fashion
Would you know the despicable villain
again?"
''Oh, yes, sir; l know him we'll"
"Who was itH'
"Your father!" !"-Detroit Free Press.
ALWAYS IN HOT WATER.
'fPoor man, " said Mary. pitvingly. to
Smithers, who had called, and whom
she had been solemnly contemplating
for some time; ''poor man, I'm sorry for
you "
care you, youngster 2" said Smithers,
taking the child on his knee.
eyes, but you don't look red, like my
hand does when it gets burned. But
maybe you've got used to being in hot
water"
''In hot a-er!"
eyes, my ma says your wife keeps
you in it more than half the time. Is
she bigger'n you ?"
And Smithers admitted with a sigh
that he thought may be she was, in some
respects, while Mary's mother and father
who came in just then wondered what
made Smithers look so uncomfortable -
PittSburg Dispatch.
SOME THINGS HE CAN'T HAVE.
''Daniel," p" said Grover the other day,
after they returned to the White House,
Il notice some innovations have been
made during our absence"
Every greatly improved" replied
Daniel. "White paint and putty will
accomplish wonders"
"Daniel, had you occasion to be out
very late last night ?"
"No, sir; l was tired out and retired
early. But why do you ask 2'
81 was merely going to hint that a
casual glance at the front door indicates
that the latch lock has been removed. "
Dan cast glance at photograph of
beautiful lady standing on Growers
table, and continued to paste in scraps
from the newspapers about the trip to
the Adirondacks.- Journal.
TOO MANY.
A st. Albans 3-year-old, who is one of
three children and lively and mischiev-
Gus specimen of the nonpariel edition OF
/ humanity, was making considerable
noise about the house the other day,
when his mother said TO him, Dear me,
George, it does seem as though you
would drive me crazy" The little chap
stopped his noise, came over to where
his mother sat, folded his hands in her
lap, and with all the sincerity imagina-
bic asked: "Say, mamma, what'd you
want to have so many young ones for,
anyway?-,St. Atbams Messenger.
KINGS THAT HE HAD SEEN.
Mrs. Traveler-While we were abroa
my husband met real live king. Just
think of body and feshy king! They
were travelling, and the king asked my
husband to call on him when they
reached Paris. He called.
Mrs. Stay-at-home My husband not
long ago called on four kings. What
do you think of that?
Mrs j raveler-You don't mean it.
Mrs Stay-at -home-Yes, l do. That
foolish call prevented me from having a
sealskin.-St. Paul Globe
A COMMERCIAL TRANSACTION.
First ootblack-"Billy, how would
you like to go into partnership with
me 2"
Second ditto-"Yes, sir; Wen begin
now."
"very well Run over to the corner
and get two boxes of backing
"Where's the money"
"Money! Why, l could get it myself
with money. l reckon I'll dissolve this
partnership. You are no help to me-"
-PhiIG. CuI'.
WHAT SHE REGRETTED.
"What's the matter, Mrs. Tompkins2"
asked Flumly of his landlady. "YCu
seem down in the mouth"
''Matter enough. The new boarder
has gone off without paying cent of
board. He owed me for four weeks.
But | don't regret that so much as | do
that let him have his board for six dol
lars a week when | should have charged
him seven, III never make reduction
again"
A LITTLE TOO ACCOMMODATING.
Mrs. flasher: amt never been in the
city before; can you direct me to Mr..
Dodgeits Office ?
Dod9eit (feigning sleep, AMI under
his breath): Don't do it old man! She's
my wash woman!
True Friend: Mr.. Dodgeit, madam, is
a defaulter, liar, a blackmailer and
bigamist. He left for Canada last night
and will get ten years in states prison
if he comes back.
OPPOSED TO GAMBLING.
care you still going to see Miss
Brown ~
"No. I am afraid she has taken to
gambling"
" Taken to gambling Impossible 2''
"Well. | called couple of times and
she wasn't home. | met her brother
the tough one and he said to me:
GS,v cau,t Won see nv sister wants to