The Warner sun. (Warner, Brown Co., Dakota [S.D.]) 1885-1???, 1886-01-29
The Lime-Kiln Club.

GAOAl JHC DCtIOAO A ACbos
Sam Kurnel Paradox Johnson I'm
de hall dis eavenin2" blandy inquired
Brother Gardner, as the regular week
ly meeting opened on the forty-seventh
degree in due and regular shape.
The 'kurneP' arose. He was there.
Some time ago he invented the theory
that Canada thistles could be culti-
waited to bear mustard plasters, and
his countenance now betrayed the
act that he expected to be patted ON
the back and ordered to take the
stool of honor unker the Bear Traps.
"Kurnel Johnson will please step
this way" continued the President,
and the kurnel advanced to the front,
bestowing a look of three-ply con-
tempt on the Hon. Erastus Furlong
as he passed him.
"Brodder Johnson" said the Presi-
dent, as the victim stood before him
with folded arms, III want to spoke
to you in deplainest English language.
| larn dat you hev invented q the
ory?"
eyes, sah."
cit has been a long time working Up
to a climax, hasn't it?"
"'Bout agar sah."
81 thought so. 1t was bout a var
ago dat I Noticed you quit work an
began to sot around on de curbstone.
You didn't cotch on to dis theory
without a hard struggle, did your"
mo, sab. 1t just almoas' upset my
mind"
81 thought so. / remember when
you gin up de curbstone fur saloonso-
ciety. Later on you began to play
crabs an policy. Towards de last
agony of your struggle you began to
shake dice an buy lottery tickets on
de money your wife ARMED at the
wash-tub. Inventin' q theory sam
powerful hard work, Brudder John
son."
eyes sah."
cit am so hard dat your wife an
chil'en am now begin fur bread an'ole
clothes, while you am in debt to
everybody who'd trust you and your
landlord am gwine to frow you out
o. de house" {
I'll is sorry, sab, but l couldn't
help it,"
Brudder Johnson" said the Presi-
dent, in a voice which made Elder
Toots shiver like O faded burdock in o.
winters gale, 81 want to say to you,
an to all other members of dis club
freu you, dat no culled man in America
has any bizness wild a theory-an or
iginal theory. ii white folks has got
time huff an money huff to loaf
around ar diskiver-in dier own
minds-dat de moon am full o. jack
asses which sallop up an down, or
dat de MORT Star contains a race o.
people who walk on DER heads an
feed themselves wild DER toes dat's all
right. De problem wild de culled man
am fust, bread an butter; second,
| house rent an raiment; third, SIGH ed
dicashun as will enable him an his'n
to write an receive letters, keep post
ed on current events, figger up how
much q weeks wages comes to at 81
a day, realize dat de Atlantic am on
one side Of us an de Pacific de odder,
hev de sense to go to de polls an vote
fur honest, decent candidates, no reat-
ter on what ticket DER names app~Ar.
/ shan't fineyou, an 1oan' want to
expel you, but you will retire to de
ante-room with Giveadam Jones fur
de spaae of ten minutes. If you hold
to any pertickler theory ar;er he gets
freu wild you it will besunthin you am
perfectly welcometoi'
When the "kurnel" returned to the
hall after the proceedings" he was a
| changed man. One coat tail was en-
tirely missing, the other badly batter
ed, and his general appearance was
that of a man who had met the tail
end of a cyclone in a country where
there Cos asi0tt hiiiirig to iialg o