Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1886-10-13
THE WOES OF A CONDUCTOR.
The Season When Officials of the
GIancing Rail Study BucOiic
HUMANITY.

ssDo look like Pennsylvania Rail.
road conductor?'
The blue and silvery gentleman lean
ed gloomily against the fireleSs stove
and viciously kicked over the array of
lanterns which the brakeman had Just
lighted and set in the forward end of
the rear car of the 9:45 accommodation
from Harrisburg.
"Well, John, you're no dude" said
the travelling man, who tattered Sver
the arm of the third seat from the door
and tht>~ey contriyed frequent occa-
sions to beg the pardon of the pretty
girl who had got in at CoateSville as the
accommodation jog trot sent him tiD-
ping over ON her.
Il should say not" said the conduc-
tor. "Why, I've been too sick of it to
get shaved for the last two days. 1
amt had my boots blacked since yester-
day. L don't care whether my clothes
is dusty or not What's the use?,'
The conductors tone was really des-
perate for blue and silver gentleman.
The travelling man tipped over on the
Coatesville girl again, Joined in her
laughter inspired by the suggestive
sound of some vitreous article i'll his
pocket as it clanked against the ash of
the seat-arm, and attempted to console
his friend.
80, never mind, john" he said, sit
won't be long. S'pose you was runnm'
reg'lar out of AtcniSon or somewhere
else in the cowboy country. Why, these
Jays amt a circumstance TO 'em."
s'Isdon't have to run out of any Atchi-
son." replied the conductor, somewhat
offended at the idea of his dignity be-
ing lowered to any point west of Chi
cago.
The brakeman stuck his head in the
door and drawled Powelton Avenue in
the parish clerk manner of the we'll
conducted brakeman. There was a
huddled rush of countrymen for the
door. The travelling man picked him
self out of the pretty girls lap with
genuine occasion to ask her pardon.
The conductor planted himself colos-
sus-fashion, across the aisle and began
a speech: Passengers will please re-
main seated until the train comes TO a
full stop-There is no neceSSIty-No,
sir; we are nowhere near Bristol
Madam, can't tell whether your hus-
band is outside there or not-Great
ScottI''
With the last exclamation the con-
ductor undammed the crowd of coun-
try people, rushed out on the platform,
jumped down, and snatched a drunken
rustic from the path of a weSt-bound
freight, and reappeared in time to throw
a little bows cap, which the little boys
I,or hn1 off
as the tram started again, he resumed
his place against the stove, with look
of injured innocence triumphant at the
travelling man, which seemed TO say:
''Can the cowboy country beat thiS!"
There was the silence of assent, to
the conductors facial inquiry. and he
went on. Its fairs-not fares, but |
f-a-i-r-s-county fairs. County fairs. |
The crowd has been drawn 10 see prize |
hogs and pumpkins, patchwork and |
thrashing machines. It's been so for 4 |
week and it'll be so for a month. It's |
so every year. This gangs mostly from |
the Lancaster fair. We had Just such |
another crowd at Harrisburg, from the
Changers picnic, but we got rid Of most !
of them by the time We got TO Column
bia. Eight carloads of people and not
one-tenth of them ever travel except
this once year. I've run the theatre
train out of Jersey City on the Now
York Division every weekday night
for a week, and Saturdays it was pretty
tough, but it wasn't white marker to
this. You might have half dozen
irunks, but those drunks were used to
travelling and used TO being drunk. But
take man who amt used to travelling
and amt used 10 being drunk. and have
MIN travelling and drunk at the same
time and it's a great combination.
Listen to that, will yOu?"
The tipSy howlS of the four young
men who had had bottle filed with
Highspire whisky at Lancaster filed
The car. There was a slight chain of
evidence in their warble
that the Mikado had got on his travels
in the back counties.
'Frazer's.' called the brakeman
sticking his head in the door again.
When the conductor came back the
man had managed TO somer-
set himself into the acquaintance of the
Coatesville girl, and without an auditor
the blue and silver gentleman muSed
on his grievances to Broad street.