davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
ITEMS OF MIRTH.

Magistrate-"Have YOU ever been
arrested before, Uncle Rastus2" Uncle
Rastus Yes, yo' honah; less
wunce." Magistrate-"What was the
charge against you9" Uncle Rastus-
''Ten dollars an costs, sahi"
She, on board the yacht Eaglewing
How gloriously the fresh breeze
fills the sails, Mr., DeSalt!" He
"Ya'as, the sails are full" She-"And
how resplendent the moon is, Mr.. De
Salt?" Hey a'as, the moons full"
She, getting tired-''Ah, do you know
where the captain is, Mr.. De Salt?"
lie .-"Er-ya'as, below. He's full
too"
A gentleman was trying a horse one
day in company with the owner, a
professional jockey. Having driven
h1m mile or two the gentleman, who
noticed that he pulled pretty hard.
requiring constant watching and
steady rein, said: "Do you think he
is just the horse for lady to driveg"
'Well, SIR" answered the Jockey, 81
must confess shouldn't want to mar
ry the woman thai could drive that
horse"
Judge to prisoner name9"
Prisoner-''Henry." Judge-'1hat's
your Christian name. What's your
family name9" Prisoner-My father
was pole. have never been able
to pronounce his name" = Boston
Beacon.
81 would like you to help me lit
tie" said yagrant, poking his head
INTO country shop. "Why don't
you help yourself9" asked the proprie-
tor. ''Thank you, l will, said the
tramp, picking up bottle of pickles
and two loaves of bread, and then
vanishing.-Ti6bits.
A pupil in one of our public schools
remarked one day last week, while
reclting history, that "the first con-
scientlous Congress. met in Philadel-
phia." 1t has been suggested that it
was also the last one-Cape Ann
Breeze.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
How Could He Tell.
Texas Siftings.


Yesterday a gentleman, residing in
neat modest cottage in the suburbs
of Austin, caught tramp prowling
about his back yard, evidently trying
to steal something.
"Why don't you come to the front
door if you want anything2" indig-
nantly roared the proprietor.
"That's what was looking fer, "
was the reply.
Didn't you see it ON the other side
of the house," retorted the gentle
man.
"How was I to know that was the
front door9 No silver door plate, no
bell, no telephone, no statuary. no
servant to take your hat and cane.
Tell your boss there is gentleman
out here who is waiting for his break
fast
When the gentleman got back with
his shotgun the tramp was not there
any more.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
FARM NOTES.

The Bohemian oat swindlers are not
all dead.
An Illinois farmer kills Canadian
thistles by pouring little benzlne
about the roots.
The acreage Of tobacco is reported
rapidly increasing In the Atlantic sea-
board states.
Two thousand blooded bulls were
taken upon the cattle ranges of Ari-
IONA last years.
Where milk can be sold for 3 cents
per quart, it will pay as well as butter
at % cents pound.
The Industrialist, of Kansas. says a
bushel of corn in that state is worth
less than dozen eggs.
The impression is growing that seed
corn should be changed every four
or five years, or at least new kinds
mixed with the local sorts.
If your boys have a chance to
become posted as to what constitutes
a good farmer, fewer of them will
yearn for city life.-Live Stock Indica
tor.
Here is fact worth remembering
If a pure male is bred to mixed
females, the issue will tend toward the
type of the pure breed just as long as
such male is used.
A farmer in Indiana claims to have
raised seventy bushels of turnips on
thirty-three squaae rods of ground.
He said it was not very good yeal
for turnips, either.
The Ohio State Board of Agricul
ture offers two premiums, one of SCI
and the other of $40, for the best and
second best machine for digging anc
grading trenches for the drains.
Potatoes require watching at thi:
season. tt they are sprouting, the
sprouts should be rubbed off and the
temperature of the cellar reduced a:
much as possible, consistent with
safety.
Breeding from immature stock has
tendency to degenerate the offspring
The heifer that drops her first cal
when she is Q years old should not D'
allowed to drop her next until she il
| 3.
A Kentuckey correspondent of th'
| Country Gentlemen, speaking of {
Blue grass pasture over 90 years old
is satisfied that it has furnished 10'
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
Mari as a Fertilizer.
NUUA o5 &c n OI
From the Michigan Horticulturist.

Generally throughout the West our
prairie loans are rich in lime. If not,
the subsoil is usually so when of clay.
AS an assistant there are many mari
beds, more or less rich in lime, the
chief constituent of all marls, though
sometimes notable quantities of phos,
phate are present. When such is the
case the value is largely enhanced.
When found near the farm, mari is
the cheapest form of lime for agri-
cultural purposes, but even the rich.
green sand marls Of New Jersey will
not pay leng transportation. Hence
how to know mari is the important
question
The value of mari depends almost
entirely upon the amount of lime and
magnesla it contains, and all it's value
is diminished in proportion 10 the
amount of clay and sand present.
The lime and magnesia are found in
mari mainly in the form of carbonates.
A ready test for carbonate in such
cases is to pour on the material some
strong acid, and if a carbonate is
present it will foam up or effervesce
in the same way that saleratus will
foam up when vinegar is poured over
it; only the effervescence with paarl
Is slower, because the mari is less sol
uble than soda. If the material does
not foam when an acid is added it Is
not mari. probably clay.
A good way to determine the quail
ty and value of a mari is to determine
how much of the material is soloble
in common muriatic acid. This can
be procured in any drug store and
ought not to cost more than 10 cents
a pound. One pound of the acid will
be enough to test three or four speci.
mems of mari. Mix the acid with one
quart of rain water and put this in a
bottle for use Take tablespoonful
of the material supposed to be mari,
put this in large glass or earthen
vessel (avoidiRg metallic dishes) and
slowly pour over the material a half
teaspoonful Of the diluted muriatic
acid. If it is a mari the effervescence
will show this fact; if it all dissolves,
leaving no residue or but little at the
bottom of the vessel, it is mari of good
quality. If but little is dissolved and
a large residue is left at the bottom OF
the dish, it is of inferior quality.
By weighing out dellcete scales a
definite quantity of the dry material,
say 100 grains, and then weighing the
washed and dried residue, which is
insoluble in acids, an estimate can
be made of the percentage of active
and inactive material In any speci-
men of mari. The insoluble residue
is of no value.
A popular and simple test to dis
tinguish between mari and clay is
made by placing a lump of the mater
ial in asbasin of water and leaving it
undisturbed for a short time. If it is
mari it will crumble down into diff
use mass, but if clay it will be but lit
tie changed.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
The TaiIIess Cattle of Florida.
New York Star.

81 noticed some cattle in Jackson.
vile and thought that, aside from their
leanness and diminutive size, there
was something else peculiar about
them, and studied for some time, IN,
til l suddenly discovered there were
some of them minus tails; others look,
ed as though they had about half OF
that useful appendage cut off. In q
country where flies and mosquitoes
are as plentiful as they must be here,
should think it no less than down
right cruelty for people to treat the
poor creatures in this shameless man.
ner,"
Ny remarks were greeted with a
roar of laughter.
''Bless your heart, my young friend
the people don't do that; it's the alliga
tors"
''Alligatorsl" said I, astonished.
Eyes"
CHOW can that be-"
''They grab them when they're feed
ing in the water"
"And bite off their tails, I sup
pose?"
Eyes, they do. You see they Greer
up so quietly that the cattle do not
notice their approach, and the first
thing the animal is aware of is jerk
in the rear. He tries to get away, but
it is Of no use, the harder he pulls the
tighter the alligator holds on, until
the appendaee gives way, and the
conqueror swims off happy"
Highly interesting sight, should
think"
"Well, rather, as the question O
ownership is often disputed, though
never saw case yet in which the cat
tie came off victorious"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
An Interesting POrpOfsO.
Atlanta Constitution.

AItuLd CONSTITUTION.
One Of the best known characters
about Brunswick, is porpoise. For
twenty years he has been seen there,
and now everybody knows him as
"Cutfin." This name has been given
to him because his big dorsal fin has
been cut half away in some combat
with his rivals in the sea or by the at
tack of some duman foe. But Gut
Tin" is now safe, at least from the
hard of man. He is universal fav-
or1te and enjoys the attentions which
are lavished upon him. He is so
tame that any fishing party that sails
near Doboy can tay a few times on
their boat with an oar and he will
come up to join them. No matter
were the boat goes "Cutfn" follows.
He comes up within few feet and
thousand opportunities has he given
to fishermen to kill him, but no mans
hand is ever raised against this re-
markadle fish. He is a DO werful fell
low fully twelve feet long. He has
been known when ACCOMMODATING
ing parties to swim around and drive
fish into their nets. No pilot is better
known than "Cutfn," and few are
more highly esteemed.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
Negro SuperstItiOns.
Youths Companion.

Ii the sun shines while it is raining
it is Sign that Satan is whipping his
wife.
1t is bad sign for cat to get in a
cradle.
It is bad luck for a deformed cat to
be born on the place unless drowned
at once.
When dog dreams before the fire
it is sign that witch is trying to
get into the house. The way to keep
the witch out is to throw salt in the
fire.
A horseshoe nail stuck III a crack
will keep witches out.
If sparks fly out from the fireplace
1t is a sign that your eaemies are con-
spring againt you.
If a chunk of fire rolls out on the
hearth strangers are coming.
If twig or bush gets caught in a
woman's dress and is dragged after
her it is sure that she has a sweet
heart.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
Edison Led Oh by a Girl.

The following story about Thomas
A. Edison is told by an old telegraph
operator: "Our landlady had a
pretty daughter, who, by the way,
still lives here, and that girl, I think,
caused Edison as much trouble as his
much hated feline enemies. He used
to sit near her at the table and she
took especial pains to please him. He
got to loving her as much as he could
love anything that was not in the
machinery Iines and it was curious to
see his passion struggling with his
diffdence. The girl, with true femi-
nine coquetry, would keep the poor
fellow in hot water all the time by
staving off the great confession. One
day he met her on the stairs, and
nerved himself up to go through the
fearful ordeal OF having to tell his
love. She was fairly caught, and be-
fore she could escape, he blurted out
the old story. why, Mr.. Edison,
you surprise me- said the little
rogue. I like you ever so much as
friend, but l can't marry you, because
Mr.. -- is going to marry me to-
night Edison just went back to his
machinery with more energy than
ever. But / doubt if he has forgiven
the girl to this day for leading him
on, though he has sweet-faced little
woman for wife and several hand
some children. That was his first
love, he afterward told me, and it did
not seem to have much effect on
him."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
Hints on Spring work.

Dr. c. A Robinson in Planter and Stockman.
This is tbs season when the wood
for the next year must be cut. This
can be done of wet days, when we do
not wish to take the team out in the
mud. If you have a drag saw and
plenty of big boys and horses, you
can get up wood enough to do year
in very short time; but as a very
large maj GRITTY of farmers have not
these facilities. the next best thing is
a cross-cut saw. But perhaps you are
ready to say, 'Not every frrmer has
a boy to help him get wood in this
can always find some neighbor with
whom you can exchange work, and
both of you get your wood compare
lively cheap. A good cross-cut saw
in the hands of two good men will
cut a fine pile of wood in a day. Of
all things don't forget your wife's
wood pile. For she has hard
enough time anyhow without being
compelled to hunt up wood.
Not the least important thing to do
is to haul rails and strengthen up your
fences. Who likes to have crop OF
corn about knee high, or a field of
wheat just heading out, and have all
the stock of his own farm, besides the
whole village herd, get into and tear
it up? Hence repairing fences is an
important matter. The subject of
what kind of fencing shall be used
has always been debatable, and is
more than ever now, since timber is
getting scarce. I have tried nearly
all kinds of fence, / believe, except
wire, and there is nealY two miles OF
that on the great Wirth farm which
joins mine on the north and east. ]
used to think that I never would have
wire fence under any circumstances
but as experience comes with age,
have had reason to modify that state
ment to some extent. II find car
build wire fence cheaper, I will GER
tainiy build it. sob, I know you
can" says one. 'Well, how do you
know can2 Because one man can,
it does not follow invariably that al
men can" I may be able to build s
plank fence cheaper than you car
build wire fence, and yet you may
be able to build wire fence cheaper
than plank fence. The amount Of
timber farmer has, his proximity tt
a sawmill, the manner in which ht
pays for his hauling, saving anC
building, are all items to be taken In
to consideration. But fencing is gen
orally done in the spring, and no far
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
A Harvard Professors Joke.

Boston Record.
Here is story of Prof. Sophocles
which probably has never been in
print.
The old Greek was catechising his
class one day on ancient history of his
native country.
when did Theodophilus live, -" he
asked of one sophomore.
'Before Christ
"Wrongi" shouted the Professor.
And then addressing the next sophie
more: "When did Theodophilus
live?"
CATER Christ.
"Wrongp shouted the Professor
again. And then he repeted the ques-
ton to third student: when did
Theodoplius live2"
Neither before nor after Christ"
''You are right. young man." said
the Professor "There never was any
such man as Theodphilius.
It was one of the little historical
traps that Sophocles liked to set for the
padding wisdom of Harvard.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
Touched a Tender Spot.
Hartford Times,

Little Galley, whose father is just
dead, has set up in great state for
himself, and is airing his new English
suit on the avenue when a begger &C
costs him:
please, sir, help poor man to a
nights lodging"
Not to-day, my man, not to-day"
"Help me, | haven't slept on bed
this ten days"
mot to-day, my man, not to-day"
'Ah, sir! you wouldn't say that if
we were at home, sir. But somehow
you English gents, when you gets to
New York, has no art fora poor chap
that"
Paw dayvil. Heah."
Gives him a S. bill, and goes to the
club to treat himself to small bot,
tie.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
What He Had for Dinner.
Lynn Mass Union.

"Say, John, for the sake Of old
friendship, give Teller dinner. will
yer!' said seedy looking individual
as he entered the counting room of a
we'll known business man.
Certainly Bill. Here, Sambo, take
this man down to the restaurant and
tell the proprietor to give him what
he wants and send the bill to me-"
The next day the bill came for IS
cents.
"WelI," said the business man,
what did my friend buy for hfty-ive
cents"
''Nine beers and cigar, sir"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
She Had Lots of Beaus.
Washington Critic.

She was young. she was green, she
was very new in Washington.
At recent swell affair she had
gone with the crowd into the refresh
ment room. Presently an elegant
looking waiter, for all the world like
foreign Ambassador, bowed politely
before her and murmured:
SIS their anyone waiting on you,
Miss?"
"Sir? Sir?" she stammered, in start
led embarrassment.
'Pardonnez moi. Is there any one
waiting on you2"
"Ohn she said. "No, sir; not in
Washington. But when I'm at home
I've got more beaus than any other
girl in town."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
per cent more grass the last five years
than it did the first five years.

per cent more grass the last five years
than it did the first five years.
Farmers in the Eastern States VINO
raised grass in preference to corn will
do well 20 profit by the experience of
a Pennsy lvania farmer who, figures
out net profit of $1S6 so up@n eight
acres OF corn, an average of nearly
$23. 80 per acre.
The only way to eradicate smut
from the wheat fields is to SOW on a
different field each year, hot using the
straw for the bedding in the stables,
for if it is so used the disease fingers
Ia the manure, and in this way it con-
tinues to show itself year after year.
Before the civil war cotton was the
most important agricultural product
of this country. But within the last
few years it has been outgrown by
wheat, and still more so by corn. Last
year the value of our cotton crop was
about 1922, 600, 900, while the wheat
crop was valued $3.50, 100000. and
that of she corn crop at 500, 900, 900
OF British breeds the shorthorn
takes the palm in England as dairy
breed according to the London Agri-
cultural Gazette. Putting the prize
winners all together, we find that the
best mixer is shorthorn, with 50 80
marks out Of 100; the second a short
horn, with 49, 10 marks, and the third
an Ayrshire, with 81 70 marks.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
Different Views of Life.
Detroit Free Press.

Wife-You shouldn't take such a
morbid view of life, my dear. Look
at poor Mr.. Smith, With his small ~
come and his wife slowly dying, and
yet he has a cheerful smile and a
pleasant word for everybody, poor
man.
husbands his wife DYING
Wife-Yes.
Husband-And he is cheerful and
pleasant?
WITCHES.
Husband-Well, if he doesn't look
out he'll give himself away.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11

The wine-dealers and producers of
California have formed an erganiza-
ton for the purpose of putting up the
prices of native wines. The unexpect-
ed shortage in the grape crop of 1885 is
the main cause for the action. Chair
man Harszthy thus explains the sit
uation: 'The vintage of 1884 gave us
about 5 900, 900 gallons more than the
demand called for. From the vint-
age of 1885 we were justified in expec-
ing from 10 10000 to Is. 000,0 gal
lons of surplus over the requirements
OF the markets. This would, of course,
have left us with a surplus Of nearly
90, 100000 gallons. In view of this
anticipated state of things dealers be-
gan to unload as rapidly as possible,
and at prices lower even than the cost
of production, in the expectation of
being able to replenish their stock
from the new vintage at even lower
rates. Prices fell especially on foreign
shipments AID Eastern consignments
of sweet or fortified wines. This course
was pursued until the middle of the
vintage, when, to every ones surprise
there was found to be shortage in
stead of surplus. Then the produc-
ers and shippers were faced with the
problem of how to raise prices. The
Eastern dealers refused to believe that
the state of matters was as represent
ed in California, and it was soon evil
dent to every producer and shipper
that he must individually raise and
maintain the prices" No definite
scale of prices has been decided upon,
but the rise will be about 90 per cent.
all around.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
An Obtainable Treasure.
Few York Sun

George-Do you roller skate, Miss
Jane9
Miss Jane-Never.
George-Or bite your finger nails?
Miss Jane-How very absurd you
are, Mr.. Simpson. The idea2 Ger
tainly not.
George getting excite6 One more
question please. Do you ever make
rick-rack.
Miss Jane-Not I, indeed.
George - (tervently) oh, Miss
Jane, may I not hope to win you for
my wife?
Miss janet can be a friend to you
only, Mr.. Simpson. I shall never
marry.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
FARM, HOME AND GARDEN.
HER ANS W Err.
RoXBURY ADVOCATE.

I'm going to be married" he softly said.
She looked up in swift surprise,
The color from out of her bright face fled,
The light grew dim in her eyes.
you're going to be marrIed?" she echoed low
Her voice had steady tone.
81 hope you'll be happy whereer you go"
a cough hid little moan.
Il know that your bride will be good and true,
You never could love any other"
She steadily looked in his eyes, dark blue;
81 tender you joy, my brother"
I'm going to be married-that is, hope
To be- though 1 hardly know
Dear love, shall longer pine and NOPE?
/ trenb.e for fear Of mo-"
The color that out of her face had fed
Came back with a deeper hue.
''Why, isn't it funny" she shyly said,
THAT I'm to be married, too?"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
Changing His Doctor.
New York Sun.

II am tired of DR.. Smith," said a
sick man to his wife. HE doses me
with quinine until my ears are ready
to drop off, and it doesn't help me a
particle. [ believe I'll send for DR.. de
Jerome"
"But consider his charges, my dear
$40 visit"
81 don't care what ne charges. I
am perfectly willing to pay for his
skill"
So DR.. de Jerome was summoned,
and after careful diagnosis of the
case he said:
Give him ten grains of quinine
every four hours. I'll call again to-
morrow
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
A Great TObOggan Slide.

The Yellowstone, NJ. T., Journal
claims to have in that vicinity the
longest toooggan slide in the world.
They can go from the starting point
to Fort Keogh, but when they have
reached Miles City, Eve miles from
the beginning, most OF them "stop
off" for supper.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-11
An ExggeratiOn.
Texas Siftings

"You should not exaggerate SO
mueh," said Judge Penny bunker to
Gilhooly.
"I never exaggerate,' judge"
s'I'Il bet you can't prove it?o
s.Yeu want me to prove 1t. would
not try to prove that didn't exag-
gerate for any thing in the world. A
million dollars would nave no effect
on me-"