News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-06-24
A COLORED SOLOMON.

There was a social gathering at the
Yerger mansion. The crown was pretty
jolly. They were playing the game OF
| forfeits with kisses as forfeits. The
| question arose whether kissing was in
the nature of pleasure or work. An old
bachelor maintained that it was in the
nature of work. At last 1t was decided
to call up Sam Johnsin :, the colored
servant, and have him decide the ques-
ton.
Il bleeves hit must be pleasure, fol
eff hit was work you all would be spec
tin me to do hit for you," responded
the darkey.-Teras SJtings.
HE HAD CAPACITY.
Squire professor, my son
has been at YOUR 1nstitoot for some time.
What do you think he is capable of y
Professor Simpson-'@What calling OF
profession do you wish him to follow p
Squire Bunker-''Well, you see, I'm
well fixed. All I've got will be his, an
I'm not expectin' him to do anything"
Professor Simpson-"From what
have seen of your son. Squire, l would
say that he has capacity enough for
that. "-Teras Sytings.
AT THE GALLERY.
He snob and she snob, standing before
portrait bust, ana cOce: ''How insig-
niticanti"
He snob, looking into the catalogue:
'NIy dear, this bust is by Count Glei-
chen. You know he is cousin of the
Queen"
Both again, una Uoce: GLOW beauti,
fully done l'-PaU Mall Gazette.
UNFOUNDED RUMoR.
A small boy was detected by stingy
farmer in one of his cherry trees. The
farmer made the boy come down and
talked very seriously to him about the
sinfulness of stealing. The boy an
swered Indignantly:
''Now, you just count them cherries
over again and see if there is one of 'em
missing before you insinuate that took
it."--Ieras Sittings.
FUNNY.
1t sounds funny to hear the st. Louis
RepuJltcan tell of ''the rural quiet of
Baltimore" We had supposed that
whenever St. Louis man wanted ex
citement he took the train for Baltimore
and joined one of the local clubs
that make business of chasing terra
pins through the principal thorough
fares of the Maryland metropolis
Chicago Neaos.
CALCULATION.
A mathematical calculation has shown
that if the muscles of a man were rela-
lively as strong as those of flea, he
could throw book agent two miles.
The same calculation might also show
that the agent could throw his voice
and the book at man from distance
of four miles. What then2-Philadel-
phia Call.
To BE CONSIDERED LATER.
Mr. Cleveland-Where do you expect
to go for your summer vacation, Dane
Mr.. Lamont--I haven't determined
yet. I shall have to consult with my
wife about the matter first.
Mr. Cleveland-That's about the way
I'm fixed, Dan-er-that is, you know,
l haven't determined yet.
THE PICTURES.
Gentleman to picture dealer)-I d0p'i
want such expensive paintings. 3ly
house is small, and
Picture Dealer-Oh, I beg your par
don, sir, understood you to say that
you was furnishing a bar-room. CTo
clerk)-James, show this gentleman
that line of two-dollar chromos. .-Lif6.
HE FELL.
E'What is that Bicicle Man dol NO.
father? See! he has Jumped Forward
from his Wheel and is putting mis- Face
to the Earth. Is he Kissing it2" "No,
my son; the Man has his Ear TO the
Earth. He is listening. He thought
he heard Something Drop. ."-Burlington
Free Press.
DOTS AND DAsHEs
NEVER say smart thing simply be
cause it is smart. 1t will get you into
trouble seven times out of ten.
THE average citizen is now looking
for his last years straw hat, and when
he finds it he will go Immediately and
buy him a new one.
On card in a Philadelphia street
car this great truth is heralded: "Ad-
vertising is great deal like making
love to widow it can't be overdone. y
"THE doctor said he'd put me on my
feet again in two weeks" "Well,
didn't he do it ~ "He did, indeed.
had to sell my horse and buggy to foot
his bill"
ISN'T it heavenly" calculated Miss
Gush, in reference to Miss Pedals per-
formances on the piano. eyes" re-
piled Fogg, 'It is indeed heavenly. 1t
sounds like thunder"
Too LITERAL. L.-He-Oh, well, it is
the spirit of unrest that drives us from
one thing to another continually. We
are here to day and there tomorrow.
She-Why, thought you were there
yesterday, Mr.. Filkins.
A New HAMPSHIRE man kept his
whisky bottle at the bottom of the well,
and when his wife found the string and
pulled it up, he tried to make her be-
lieve that it belonged to a Chinaman
who had bored through from the other
side of the earth