The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-09-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

doesn't know how to hold it, and this
is as true of tongue as of baby.
Little girl Mamma, why doesn't
the sea run over if all the water flow;
into its" Nonsense, child! Don't you
know its full of sponges?"-Burlington
Free Press.
You say he called you liar?" Yes
an unmitigated liar" 'And ycn didn't
resent itp'' No; how could |? My
grandfather died of heart-disease, and
1t won't do for me to get excited.
A society reporter wrote: '.Dr. Jones
and wife were present, dressed in white
tulle." This unprofessional attire of the
doctor should be condemned generally
by physicians.-Boston AdcertiSer.
A Sunday-school boy got up to recite
his verse of Scripture, but he got it lit
tie mixed, and said: Honesty is like
angels visits-few, and mighty scarce. ,
Henderson (Tetan.) True Democrat.
President Dwight of Yale has 6
scholarly stoop, and this is why little
New Haven girl, quite innocent of an
attempt at pun, said: Mamma,
think he is the stoopedest man | ever
did see"
Going away this summer" he asked,
as they met on the Campus Martius fol-
a moment "Well, I've made star
toward it." Selected the placer" INC
borrowed 500 at per cent!'-De.
trost Free Press.
lis your son going to become farm
er?" asked Mrs. Blank of Mrs. Oates.
why, lor' bless you, no." replied the
latter. my son is a graduate of the
State Agricultural College, and has nc
intention of adopting such a profes
sion"
Pedantic old gentleman Ito restaurant
waiter)-"I believe it is improper to
speak disrespectfully of ones eldersP'
R. W.-"So I've 'eard. sir" P. o. G.
Then will be silent concerning the
duckling you have just brought me. y
London Judy.
Old gentleman Ito small boy smoking
a cigarette boy. don't yor
know that a great many people die
from smoking cigarettes?" Small boy
Yes puff), but many people puff
die who (puff) don't smoke 'em, y
NeU f0rE I1nleS.
One of the most humiliating experien
ces in mans life is to sit in a dentist
chair and have him bore up six or eight
inches into the head without noticeably
interfering with the brain which was
supposed to fill the upper story.-Nor
s0ich Bulletin.
We will send our paper for year te
the parents of triplets born in Farming,
ham-Farnaingham (NasS) Tribune.
It's no use, Brother Mcpherson, ycu
can't get 'em that way. It's the glorious
climate of our town that makes such
things possible. = Marlboro (MasS.
Times.
1t is reported on perfectly reliable
authority" that the latest conundrum al
the London clubs concerns Miss Fortes.
cue, to whom Lord Garmoyle paid 91O,.
900 for not marrying her. Thus is it:
What is the most expensive kind of oil?
Germoyle. Because it costs 10000
per gal.
Washington lawyer-"You say you
are entitled to a pension?" Patriot
Eyes. think So" Lawyer-''Were you
wounded?" Patriot-"No; but laid
out $500 in hard cash for a substitute y
Lawyer-.Ah, yes, l see. Just give me
SO bill and fill out that blank. p
Harper's Bazar.
Bubble returning from school after a
history lesson: Mamma, was Charles
Ii. an Episcopalian?" mo, my son
why do you ask that?'' well, the his
tory SAYS he did things he ought not to
have done and left undone things he
ought to have done; and so l supposed
he must be- IN Fact
Correspondent Crawford says o.
Senator Hawley: His one weakness i:
his belief in his capacity to sing sole
songs after dinner. There may be a
man on earth who can make a more
frightful noise than the Senator wher
he thinks he is singing, but his addres:
is not generally known"
Tennis, as it is at present played, has
only existed for about twelve years, as
it was first played in England in 1875
1t is much the same as hand tennis
which was played in Paris as far back
as 1924 Shakespeare also frequently al
ludes to tennis in his writings, and tells
us that it was once actually prohibited
as an amusement for the English court
because it favored too strongly of French
fashion and coXcomGry.