Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-12-15
NE JVEPAPEEs WIT.


senger-"Weli, old boy, what's up this
afternoon ?" Second passenger-'All
but the soup. Life.
TEAcHER-"Well, my little man,
does the question bother your" Lit
tie Willie Syntax-"No sir; but the
answer does "-Chicago Rambler.
LANDLADY-I hope you are COM
Portable Mr.. Blank, see your stove
feels nice and warm. Mr.. Blank-Yes,
the suns been shining on it.-Omaha
World.
war have enabled many heroes to
look over and become familiar with
famous battlefelds.-New Orleans
PicayUne.
THE Philadelphia Press chronicles
the TACT that ga widow woman at
tempts to drown herself in bath
tub" We are glad it was not widow
man.-At lanta Constitution.
SUCCESSFUL sutton (joyfully) "Well,
| have won Miss King. She sent me
beautiful plaster cast of her hand,
labeled: 'TWas mine; it's yours"
Disconsolater rival (sneeringly) "Well,
why didn't you finish the quotation,
and has been slave to thousands"
81 NEVER can go to that full-dress
reception" observed Mrs. Decollete.
"Why not?' inquired her husband.
Because haven't decent dress"
"Well, wouldn't let that trouble me.
You'll find a good many there that
haven't either. New Haven News.
Miss GRACE-"Whatd do YOU think of
the silhouettes, Mr.. Fogg?" Fogg-'I
think they are devilish good" Miss
Grace-"YOu are not very happy in
your choice Of an adverb, Mr.. Fogg."
Fogg-"On tie contrary, | think am.
Aren't these prints of darkness Pr
Boston Transcript.
PRISONER do you think they
will hang me? Counsel-Let them do
it il they dare. 1t would be the best
thing that could happen for our side,
we could recover heavy damages.
The prisoner seems to understand the
damages that would ensue, but thinks
recovery doubtful.-Judge.
He was masher. She was O. wo.
man who was spelling q $14 hat in the
rain. He raised his umbrella, hurried
along and overlook her and began.
"Madam, permit me to offer the use
-" ooh! thank you ever so
muchl" she interrupted as she took
it from his hand and walked on, leav-
ing him to skip for a doorway.
"MAY ask you to drink a glass of
wine with me, sir?" said g. polite
youth to an elderly stranger. 'Young
man." was the solemn reply, 81 never
drink wine" 81 beg your pardon,
SIR" said the young man, somewhat
abashed, "I-I-'' "But," went
on the elderly stranger, 'I wouldn't
mind little old Tom gin with dash
of bitters in it."-New York Sun.
A BOLD, bad boy in Illinois thrust @.
couple of plugs of tobacco into q big
jug of whisky be found in the horse
sheds during O. church supper. And
the next day the local physicians re-
poisoning, all men, and the poor
women who made the ice cream cried
their innocent eyes out about it.
Burdette.
THE Brighton ME News contains
the following curious announcement:
CDR. Wesley and wife (nee Mrs. Yolney
Barker) visit In this town and Otis
field" In times like these, when there
are not men enough in New England
to furnish more than one woman In
three with a husband, it is a mighty
lucky girl who is born a Mrs--Boston
Transcript.
SINCE they've introduced Lullaby
into the Chimes of Normandy" and
&o int
s'Faust" and 'Tbe Last Rose of Sum-
mer" into the "Mikado" it's prettg
hard to tell whether you are attend
ing nursery, a prayer meeting, g.
singing school, or an opera. This
ought to draw the line somewhere
Boston Herald
TRAMP Ito gentleman in the City
Hall Park )-"Will you kindly allow
me to glance at your paper for a mo-
ment, sir? am anxious to see the
weather predictions. Gentleman
(handing him the paper Certainly:
Are you interested in the weather."
Tramp-s'Yes, sir. / live principally
,n wa and want to find out what
/ am to have COR dinner to-day
Life.
"I WONDER il the inscrea ation and
hieroglyphics on Cleopatra's Needle
are really becoming obliterated Z" 81
believe So" Chow like New York Off
cials the obelisk is" SIN what re-
spect?" "Why, both have lost their
characters. That's a fact, and.
what's more, they were doubtful char
acters, and were imported into this
country from across the ocean. Tex
as Siftings.
He had been counting her a long
time, so long that she began to get
tired; so one night she said to him:
"John, who Is the author of the phrase:
MAN proposes?'" ssI'm sure don't
know" answered John; s'why do you
ask 2" "Oh, merely wanted to know
who he was" ''For what reason ?''
Because guess he didn't know what
he was talking about" Five min
utes later the wedding day was set
Boston Courier
JENNY-Haven't I heard you speak.
Sally, of knowing Thomas Heart
worthy? Sally (who is sensitive
ah0Of her Qu0l-- Tom Hoo rf uC,%bx