The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-10-21
WIT AND HUMOR.
THE AMBITIOUS KANGAROO.

I WIT AND HUMOR. ~
THE AMBITIOUS KANGAROO.
They held a great meeting a king to select,
And the Kangaroo rose in digni1ed way,
And said, I'm the one you should surely
For 1 can out-Ieap every beast here to-day"
Said the eagle. "How high can you climb to-
Said the nightingale. Favor us, please.
Said the hawk, SLet US measure our powers
Said the lion, .Come wrestle, and prove you
are strongr' :,
But the kangaroo said, ut would sure be
In our choice of a king, to make leaping the
testv
A. R. Wells, in st. Nicholas.
A little child once asked his mother
the question: Mother, what part of
Heaven do people go to who are good,
but not DISQUALIFICATION Ad-
Uocate.
1t was a grim joke on the part of
condemned man, who, the night before
his execution, requested the jailer to
close his grated window because he
considered night air unhealthy.-1eras
Siftin9s.
The great Alaskan glacier is credited
with moving only at the rate OF one
fourth Of mile year. What the great
Alaskan glacier seems to need more
than anything else is an Affidavit
Chicago Tribune.
No, it is not hard to write funny para
graphs; all you have to do is to procure
a pen, some paper and ink, and then sit
down and write them as they occur to
you. 1t is not the writing but the occur
ring that is hard.-Ne,0 HaUen Neaos.
please pass the Scandinavian but
ter" said the grocer's clerk to the
hardware man at our boarding-house.
PASS the which?" The Scandinavian
butter-Ole Omargarine, you know"
The landlady tainted. Minneapolis
Tribune.
A teacher was endeavoring to explain
q question in arithmetic to dull
scholar: Suppose you had 100 sover-
eigns and were to give away 80, how
would you ascertain how much you had
remaining?" why, I'd count it"
drawled the hopeful
At the Dudery: as it true Smith IS
going to call Brown outP' Il believe
it is" "Why, what is the trouble?"
He insulted him in the deadliest way;
invited him to dinner, and offered him
calf's brains a la Knickerbocker for the
entree. ."-ToaoH Topics.
1t is told in Washington that after
certain Senator, noted for his absent
mindedness, came to this city for
short visit this memorandum was found
in his room: Things to take along:
One pair socks, one shirt, two collars,
one pair cuffs, one wife,
Frank Kremer has been added to the
Bell staff as a reporter. Amy favors
that the public can extend to him in
the way of smoking tobacco, square
meal, or other Injuries will be fully ap-
preciated by this great original house
hold necessity.-Estetltne (Dak.) Bell
An Indian chief who is visiting in
Washington at Government expense
was introduced to a Senator recently
who has a very bald head. The chief
looked at him for some moments with
great interest. Finally he said: ugh!
Where you fight Iniun some time?"-
N. y Sam.
Suppose you've heard that they are
selling birds at all the soda-water fount-
ains?" says the man with the gag
mo, haven't" ut is fact" What
kind of birds are they selling there?"
Swallows" Then the man with the
gag runs.-Cincinnati Times Star.
A San Francisco Chinaman who had
been found smuggling cigars in his
coat-sleeves was asked how he came by
the cigars. IA tiend askee me hold
them till he come back; he one bad
man. he NO come back; he habee ebil
eye," replied the innocent All Sin.
wonder what I'd better name him."
said Johnny, thoughtfully, as he watch
ed his new dapple colt drinking eagerly
in the brook. IN tell you." cried his
comrade Willie. eagerly; ''call him Pre-
served Fruit" why Preserved FruitP"
because" replied Willie. "he's such
a dry dapple. ."-7eras Sytings.
The following poem appears in the
obituary columns of Baltimore news
paper under the death notice of hus-
band and father. born in Ireland. aged
54.
He heard the angels calling him
From that Celestial shore;
He Hoped his wings and away he went
To make one angel more. BY HIS SON.
-Harper's Monthly.
A Texas preacher caught four or five
boys in his peach-trees. He did not
punish them. but merely said. You
ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
particularly the big boys. Which of
you boys here is the oldest?" "Hc
amt here at all, sir. He didn't know
that we were coming" said a youngster.
Ieras Siftings.
Young Man-"Is it true, doctor, that
smoking cigarettes tends to soften the
brainP" Physician-"There is belief
to that effect, but with all our boasted
modern scientific appliances it can
never be verified" Young Man
"Why. doctor?" Physician-.'Because
! nobody with brains ever smokes them. "
N y San.
Mr.. WI guess they will prove that
Bacon wrote the plays known as Shak-
speare's." MIR. S.-.'Gracious! i hope
| they won't! Mr., W,-"Why, what diff
ference does it make to yo4a" Mr.. s.
II have put in two years reading
Shakspeare's plays, and if they prove
| he did not write them all that time will
be wastedr'- Detroit Free Press.
1t requires good deal of nerve to
| perform duty visits under such condi-
tions rs happened the other day when
| man in Paris called at house where
he had been dining two days before.
With his card-case in his hand he asked
the concierge: Are NJ. and Mme. X.
at homer" YES, SIR" 20, all right;
then I will call again. London Globe.
Hilarious Passenger-"rve got a
pass over this road. can get one any
day I want it." President of the Road
| (unrecognized)- )-"Will you allow me to
see itT' Certainly. Here it is.
This is regular ticket. You paid for
it." "Why, of course did. You
didn't suppose stole it, ehP buy one
| every day I didn't say it was a free
pass. "-Phita9eiphig Call.
A correspondent tells story Of
Congressman gathering around pond
in front OF the Capitol and throwing
| dimes and nickels into the water to see
| the fish dive after them. The thing is
| preposterous. If the correspondent
had told us that the fish stood around
the pond and threw dimes and nickels
into the water to see the Congressman
| dive after them we might have believed