Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-03-03
UNCLE JOSIAH.

Row BE Got into Little Difficulty md
Failed in Getting Premium his Hog.
stWell, I'll tell We. said Uncle Josiah
Windlass, ''jist how it happened thet
Joe Spilkins and / come to hev thet
little dif1iIilty-like, way back yonder
bout ten year Twas a time then.
ye'll probably recolec' when there was
some excitement in the kentry bout
politics, an also, especially 'roun'
yere, concernin' a new breed O. hogs.
Well, Joe was nigh neighbor o. mine
then, an was a-runnin' fer Road Supe'-
visor, an | was little interested in
fattenin' an preparin' q hog to COM
pete fer er prize ct the county fair.
Yves both pritty close occupied with
our two pursuits, en- each was in
clined, p raps, to 'tach too little I'M
portance to the objec' OF t'other's am
bition. Drivin' home from town one
day [ met Joe jist a-goin. After pas
sim the time O. day an SIGH, he says to
me:
"'Josiah, air ye goin' to give me
lift fer Supe visor, next weekP'
CHOW, I'd heerd q few days afore o.
Joe's heyin' made some remarks Kind
o. agin my breed O. hog, an in favor
O internal ole Chester White runt
tibet neighbor was a-fussin with with
intent to enter i'm at the fair agin mine
So | said:
''Joe how's this [ hear bout We
a-slanderin tibet hog Of mine? I'm
kinder of the opinion thet a man what
ain't got the sense to see the pints in
foe animal like tibet, hain't specially
fitted fer the holdin' o. any office what
ever.
! "Joe immejitely waxed into q rage,
an said:
"'I don't want yer DANCED hog to
to support man cordin' to his good
4 'pinion O your hogs, WHY amt the
man.
"These remarks O. Joe's O. course
was unfounded in the extreme, an
was p'r'aps prompted by his impetious
temper, and ginerally ornery, ungov-
ernable disposition. But | kept per-
fec'ly cool an collected, an said
Joe, it's blame good thing yer
gittin grey-headed, lame-backed an
nat rally played out; Ell I'd be tempted
to take we out O thet wagon an bump
ger head few times onto the groun'
to settle yer mind a little.
''Et tibet, Joe's violent, ugly temper
got entirely the best of his weak jedg
ment, and he sprung oute'n the wagon,
an, THROWN his coat, proposed
'hrashin' me there an then-at least
his words was some at to tibet effec'
"'Joe, said I, still entirely cool an
immoved like, 'Ye're ole man; at
least five year older an me, conse-
quently what we say pears to me not
only the height of nonsense, but
slightly idiotic. IF | was to see fit,
an s mean enough, to git down there
an take a-holt O we an smash yer
year. chaw yer scelp up, twis' yer
neck out o. plumbendicular an muss
We all up, [ couldn't hev the heart to
90 back to my innocent family an look
'em all in the face agin. 'Twould be
impossible I'd feel ike I'd went an
pilte onto an Paralyzed ole, feeble
! man, who was not o'ny physically q
wreck but dOggoned ole iiiot-'
| Just then ] sorter felt thet my left
! year, tibet was nearest to Joe as / easily
reclined on the seat O my wagon, was
the scene OF violent collision. Has
TENN to git out o. my vehicle to see
what s goin on, all t once foun' rs
standin on my brow in the middle of
the road, an my feet was gently poised
like, in the air. Afore / could rightly
un' erstan' how thet was, | foun' tibet
me an mother figure thet resembled
Joe, was rollin' over an over in the
dust, an thet the other figure was ct
the same time grad ally knockin' my
face some'at out of shape. Then / be-
gan to realize, kinder, the siteWation,
an to act 'cordin'ly. The last, an o'ny
blow of importance I got in on Joe, so
sorter mixed him up Y III a rail fence
alongside the road, tibet | he'd to take
down two panel afore ! got i'm an all
his clothing fully extricated from it.
''Thet scrimmage helped to beat Joe,
fer the ole Teller which owned the
fence, together with his sons, son-in-
laws an other wide an distant connec-
ton, was so put out ct the damage
done it, tibet they would listen to no
! explanation, an voted hard agin i'm.
| also failed, through it, in gittin' a
a premium on my hog. Ye see, Joe
he'd a cousin married to a Dodgerson
tibet lived in the immejit neighborhood
o. one O. the jedges onswine, an solely
through thet influence I got left. y