Morning journal and courier., 1886-06-11
A Vigorous Complaint.
AGITATING.

Of all the labor agitations the most severe is that observed i'll the tramp when some one asks him to saw few sticks of wood.-Bos- ton Post.
 Physician (with his ear to patients chest There is curious swelling over the region of the heart, sir, which must be reduced at once Patient-That swelling is my pock- etbook doctor; please don't reduce it too much.-N. Y. Times.
 The Apaches cannot escape and their last resource is to surrender. If they will do this, we will give them leave on parole and a Winchester rife apiece. These terms cannot be modified. We mean business, and these murderous savages might as well understand it.-Puck.
 Mir. DeGarmo-"I suppose about this time of the year you young ladies who are going to graduate are engaged all the time in pre- pairing your essays. Um-by the way, Miss Eugenia- -"Pale blue, trimmed with real lace. ."-Tid Bits.
 The noble red men who have already gath cred at Niagara Falls this season, to engage in the sale of Indian relics, ara said to take a great interest in the Irish hone rule move ment. One of them was recently heard to remark, "Begorra, Mister Gladshtone's a moighty fine mon. ."-Norristown Herald.
 'Well, how did you like the sermon Sun ohA oAAS court house pavement recently ''The ser mona' "Yes, you were at church, weren't youP "Yes, certainly" "Well, then, how did you like the sermon?" ''I didn't hear any sermon, belong to the choir" was the self-satisfed ejoinder.-Exehange
 q see the Socialists of Chicago are in a ferment," observed the judge. "4ou surely en! Nothing of the kind. Didn't I see it in the papers" ''Cant help it if you did. Fer ment means to work, and that's something Socialists don't ."-Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
 A Hungarian conj urer spreads newspa- per upon the floor and places a young wo- man upon it, whom he covers with piece of silk and then causes to disappear. We have never seen this trick here, but we have known a man to put $500 on a wspaper and it has disappeared before he could cover it with anything.-Bosten Commercial Bull letin.
 First Newspaper Humorist (at dinner par ty)-s'I f1atter myself that is not bad story" Second Newspaper Humorist with out smiling)-''Y it will do." F. N. H. ''Then why don't you laughs That is a nice way to treat friends joke" s. N. H.. Qaughing)-"Oh, didn't know this was social matter. I thought you wanted my professional opinion. Pray pardon me- Puck.
 We do not believe that hen scratches for a living. She scratches fer exercise. If you don't believe it, watch we'll fed hen in her humble cage at the market. She will scratch on the sheet iron floor with all the vigor of gold digger, and affect to find things to eat with all the innocent assump- tion of man who slips on the ice, breaks both legs and his back, and tries to look as though he hadn't fallen down.-Burdette.
 Little Johnny had been unduly familiar with a forbidden jam m-pot, and had conse- quently indulged in grief and lamentation when Retribution with large and rolling "R" had swooped down upon him. He sat smarting and fearful for 8 long time in si- lence broken only by an occasional sob Then he looked up solemnly in his mothers face and said with emphasis, ''Mother, I'm sorry you ever married my pa."-Somerville Journal.