Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-02-04

al of the daily papers the following
advertisement:
| WANTED-A kleptomaniac who must be lady
| Of otherwise irreproachable habits and pleasing
manners. She will be required to act as COM
pan1on to gentlemans wire VINO is similarly
| afflicted. Duties light remuneration liberal APP
ply in the first instance to x. Y. T., care of a
firm of advertising agents.
Notwithstanding the frequency
with which such articles as books and
umbrellas disappear, | had supposed
kleptomania to be very rare disease,
and, moreover, one of which few per-
sons would care to own to. Imagine
my surprise, then, at receiving fifty
seven answers to my advertisement,
everyone of the writer's claiming TO
! be a lady. From the nature of the
case l could not ask for references.
Not that this mattered much, for ],
had enough confidence in nay own
judgement to think I could do with
out them.
I went through the letters with
great care, putting aside all that tried
lessly describing acts of successful
pilfering, I had no hesitation in con-
Guiding these ladies to be imp0stors,
attracted by the salary.
There remained just i've, who bash
fully said they we're considered by
their friends to be kleptomauiacs, a
statement which they did not them
selves iDdorse in any way. Two Of
them-if I recol!et right, for have
mislaid their letters-were elderly
spinisters whom the world treated
4lo ~ n,s 4broo
All wrote atgreat length, each urging,
strangely enough, that because she
was poor, therefore she had exception
al claims upon my consideration.
From their letters it might have been
supposed that each was the most I'M
ortunate person in the universe.
In the end decided to interview all
five, that being the only way in which
[ could discriminate between them.
Accordingly [ wrote to ask them all
to come to my house on a certain day,
and added that would, Of course, de
fray any travelling expenses. In or
der to prevent clashing, which [ saw
might place me In a most unpleasant
position, requested one lady to pre-
sent herself punctaally at II o'clock,
another at 11:30, another at IL, and
so on.
There would be no difficulty from
my wife, for she was to be away from
home that morning. It had been ar
ranged that a certain Uncle Joe
which I had declined to attend.
While [ pitied Uncle Joe, who was a
very irascible old gentleman, I GER
tainly felt he had done me great
service on this occasion, though even
here there might be fresh trouble in
store. When confronted by an angry
stall-keeper, who accused him and his
companion of stealing, he would, I
was confident, be magnificent spec
tacle, I was getting used to it, but it
would be new sensation for Uncle
Joe.
When the morning in question ar
rived / tried to bundle Maria out Of
the house with very uncOnjugal haste,
but Notwithstanding all nay efforts
her toilet required so much time that
it was past eleven before she drove
Off
The drawing room where had de
cided to receive my visitors was a
large, pleasant, and c0mfortabl room,
with double windows looking upon
the road. It was too full of knick-
knacks | thought, but that was my
wife's doing. I had contributed only
one article to the general collection
a small gold vase which 3 favorite
mare of mine had won in q trotting
match Itstoed on a cabinet between
the fireplace and tine window, q couch
being just in front. At the end of the
couch and slightly in advance of it [
placed q chair for nayself, intending
my visitors to sit in the armchair OPP
posite, where they would be facing
the light.
When Miss White appeared ] was
vexed to see that it was already II 80,
so that clashing was nearly inevitable
after all. Let me say at once that she
was a very different woman from
what [ had expected. There was not
a trace of hardihood about her; q
meeker-looking creature never saw;
In fact, began to think there must
be some mistake.
She was neatly dressed in black; in
figure she was tall, thin, and rather
angular, and she had pinched face
with a very mournful expression.
When she first entered she raised her
eyes to glance at me and then at the
room, but after that they fell as if
they were habitually fixed upon the
ground.
Her intellect, imagined, was lit
| tie dull, for she apparently mistook
the seat assigned to her ard occupied
the couch. In self defense I was
obliged TO move my chair further
away and face the light. which was
not what I had intended. Without
taking any notice of my action, Miss
White laid down by her side black
bag she had been carrying. Then she
drew out her handkerchief, placing it
on her lap, and folded her hands over
it. In this attitude, with downcast
eyes, she silently waited for me to be-
gina most difficult thing to do, as I
now found. As I tried to shape the
necessary questions so as to be the
! la0Sf "a I