davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-24
flashes Of fun:

-"John, you seem to gain in
flesh every day; the grocery bust
ness must agree with you. What
did YOU weigh last p "Well, Simon,
[ really don't know, but it strikes
me it was a pound of butter
d can give you a cold bite"
said the woman. why not warm
it up" asked the tramp. "There
amt any wood sawed" "That so?
Well, give it to me cold"
-Magistrate-Ever been arrested
before? Prisoner-No sab. Mag
istrate-Didn't | send you to the Is
land last Winter for ten days?
Prisoner-I declares to goodness,
o | looks at yo', jedge, b'lieve
yo' did. But Use a poo han to
member faces.
A poor mans wife who bought
a quart of molasses at a Cincinnati
grocery the other day, found a dia-
mond ring it worth two hundred
dollars. If she had bought a gallon
Of the precious syrup, she might
have found earrings and breast-pin
to match.
Henry, you ought to be asham-
ed to throw away bread like that.
You might want it some day"
well, mother, would [ stand any
better chance of getting it then, if
should eat it up now?"
When a man dies suddenly,
without the aid of a physician" as
an Irishman once said, the coroner
must be called in. If a man dies
regularly after being treated by a
doctor, everybody knows why he
died, and the coroner's inquest is not
necessary.
-"This natural gas is a wonderful
thing" remarked Mrs. Fangle, as
she sat before the fire at Mrs.
Snagg's. eyes, indeed, it is" re-
piled Mrs. Snagg. II wonder how
they get it, and why we never had
it before? "Indeed@1 don'tknow a
thing about it. I never studied gas
tronomy."
One fthe darkey walters at an
Alabama college is a noted hypo-
critic. He was taken to task lately
by the students for some shOrt-com-
ing, and in the course of the exam
nation one of them asked: "Why,
Sam, what are you going to do when
you die and 60 to hell? "Wait on
the students, sah," he replied, naive
ly.
"A Yankee clinched his argu-
ment with an Englishman as to the
relative size of the Thames and Mis-
sissippi by saying: "Why, look here,
mister, there amt enough water in
the whole of the Thames to make a
gargle for the mouth of the Missis-
sippi river" n9 1eo faf#5 3. f9 ~
Bees near a distillery stay drunk
all the time, and make no home.
Bees are a good deal like men. They.
don't care for honey when they can
get beer.-Drdke's Travellers Mdgd-
~iao
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-24

Bees near a distillery stay drunk
all the time, and make no home.
Bees are a good deal like men. They
don't care for honey when they can
get beer.-Drake's Travellers Maya
zine.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-24
THE ORIGIN OF SCANDAL.

THE ORIGIN OF SCANDAL.
Said Mrs. A.
To Mrs. j.,
In quite a confidential way,
cit seems to me
That Mrs. B.
Takes too much-something in her tea
And Mrs. j.
To Mrs. X.
That very night was heard to say,
She grieved to touch
Upon it much,
But "Mrs. B. took-such and such.''s
Then Mrs. c..
Went straight away.
And told a friend the self-same day,
Twas sad to think
Here camesa wink
THAT Mrs. B. was fond of drink
The friends disgust
Was such she must
Inform a lady which she unused"
THAT Mrs. B.
At half-past three,
Was that far one she couldn't see.'
This lady we
Have mentioned, she
Gave needlework to Mrs. B.
And at such news
Could scarcely choose
But further needlework refuse.
Then Mrs. B.,
As you'll agree,
Quite properly-said she, that she
Would track
The scandal back
To those who made her look so black.
Through Mrs. X.
And Mrs. j.. ..4#|
She got at last to Mrs. A,
And asked her why,
With cruel lie.
She painted her so deep a dye?
Said Mrs. A., f.
In some dismay,
Il no such thing could ever say
| said that you
Much stouter grew
On too much ~sugar-which you do"
Detroit Free Press
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-24
Brown, Rogers & Co.

We have recently doubled the capacity Of our Store Room by making an open
ing imot the adjoining Store. This arrangement makes our Store 49xW feet, and
with Easements and Warehouse giesus every facility for displaying and handling
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18
+. Gen. Hancock's Widow.

WASHINGTON, March 12.-The report
which accompanies the bill granting
pension to the widow of Gen. Hancock
gives a brief resume of the services
rendered To the country by Gen. Hancock.
His death, it says. as source of uDive'-
sal public grief, as his life had been
public blessing He has passed into his
tory without challenge cf his success.
AS q type of American patriotism Gen.
Hancock will live in the history of his
country and in the hearts of his country
men regardless of sectional or party
division. Brave in war, tender and true
in peace, his sympalhies and benevoleDce
we're to the last days of life freely and
almost lavishly expended in behalf OF
his sick and suffering comrades, their
widows and their orphans. No appeal
from them ever fell upon his unlistenlng
ear. TIE very last effort of his life was
the dictation of letter which he had
not the strength to sign making strong
appeal in behalf of the widow of de.
ceased officer. The nature of the service
in which General Hancock WAS engaged,
the constant drain upon his pecuniary
resources, made necessary by the position
he occupied, and the further lax upon his
means by his full-handcd generosity to
unfortunate comrades has left his widow
in straitened circumstances and, to some
extent, dependent on private liberality.
This grateful country should not
permit. Your committee, considering
this one of the exceptional cases in which
it becomes their duty to recommend a
departure from the ordinary precedent
and policy, heartily and unanimously
recommend the passage of the bill.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18
EXPRESS Messenger Murdered.

CHICAGO, March l4.-The messenger
on West bound train on the Rock
Island Road was killed in his car last
night between Juliet and Morris and his
safe broken open and robbed of all the
valuables, amounting To large sum
which cannot be exactly stated. The
car bore evidence of terrible struggle.
The messenger whose name was Nichols
was found dead when his car was opened
at Morris. His throat was cut in q
manner that suggested that it had been
done by hatchet or dull knife, and his
skull was crushed with stove poker.
This poker was found in the car and did
not belong there. In Nicholls's clenched
right hand was found lock of black hair
and in the other hand lock of red hair.
So far there is no clue to the murderers,
but the country is alive with searchera,
both professional and volunteer, and
there is every reason to believe that the
murderers will be lyncbed if discovered
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18
Hung In a Cradle.

The saddest accident happened in
Oconee County Wednesday that we have
ever chronicled. 1t carries grief to the
heart of every mother in our County.
Mr.. Tom House is the father of bright
boy only 10 months old. The mother
and father worshipped the child, and in
it their fondest hopes were centred. The
father was absent from home, and the
mother, after rocking the baby to sleep
by lullaby, put it in the little crib.
The fond mother, after seeing that her
babe wss quietly sleeping, went out to
attend To her household duties and
stayed some time, thinking that her little
one was asleep in the crib. When she
returned she found that the child had
awakened during her absence and tried
to crawl through place in the crib where
one of the stats had been broken out and
hung itself, and was cold in death. Mr..
House is a quiet farmer in Oconee Coun-
ty, and the death of his child is very
sad. The father of Mr.. House was a
Lieutenant in Capt. Deloney's cavalry
company during the war, and was the
bravest of the brave. he said he would
never surrender, and in one of the cav.
airy fights in Virginia his horse ran
away with him and carried him into the
ranks of the Yankees. He was ordered
to surrender, and he told the Yankees
that he would die first, when he was rid
died with bullets. The Banner Watch
man sympathizes with the son of such a
noble sire, in the sad death of his little
sou,--Atkens Banner.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18

On Thursday last, while the work
men who are engaged in renovating St.
Phillips Church were repairing the cell.
ing of the vestry room, they discovered
four pieces of shell amongst the plaster:
ing. These pieces are evidently relics of
the bombardment of Charleston during
the late war and have consequently been
in the position in which they were found
for the last twenty years, and have only
been kept from falling by the strength
and durability of the plaster. 1t is
almost miracle that the pieces of the
shell have not fallen ere this, and had
they fallen upon the Rev. John johnson,
the rector of the church, at any time
during the many years that he has been
using the vestry room, it would doubtless
have killed him. 1t is strange, to say
the least, that this gentleman, who was
wounded in the head by bursting shell
while at Fort Sumter during the war,
and who still suffers from its effects,
should have been so long menaced by a
similar but unseen danger.-Ne,cs and
Courier, March 13.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18
An Attack on Senator Vance.

The Charlotte Observer has raised its
editorial name at Senator Vance, and
that statesman has recently been the butt
of the Ia Victor Hugo articles which
seems of late to be the adopted style of
that journal. The Observer, in discussing
the charge that sixteen of the Vance
family have been eased into good fat
government berths, says Vance has been
an absolute dictator in North Carolina
for years, but that his dictatorship is at
an end-his reign is o'er.
The .animadversions of the Observer on
the great and only Zeb has turned upon
it some sharp criticisms from some Of its
State contemporaries, and they have in
some instances demanded the proof in
the matter. Colonel Jones comes back
at them with the "time and place." dis.
owning meanwhile that be has any griev-
ances against Vance. Among a great
number of instances cited, the following,
if true, shows up the Senator in another
bad light:
Mr.. Dowd was appointed Collector of
Internal Revenue by and through Senator
Vance's recommendation, with the dis
tinct understanding that subordinate ap.
puintments in the revenue Office should
meet his approval. If Mr.. Vance or
Mr.. Dowd denies this we will find as
good man as there is in North Carolina
who will swear that Vance told him So.
The Philadelphia Times has also taken
up the cudgel against Senator Vance.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18
Unwrltten War History.

WASHINGTON, March GA member
of the Confederate Congress said the
other day that there was chapter in the
history of the rebellion that had never
yet been written. he was hoping that
some of the members of the Confederate
Congress would take up the topic and
put it in the form Of book. He re-
ferred to the story of the secret sessions
of the Confederate Congress, no record
of which has ever been published. In
speaking of the things which had never
come to light he described an offer made
by France to the Confederate govern
ment. France offered to recognize the
Confederacy upon one. condition, and
that was that they would give up slavery.
England offered 10 recognize the Confed-
eracy if they would agree to let her
have cotton at 124 cents pound. Both
of these propositions were rejected.
When Mr.. Yancey returned from Eng
land be made an address to the Confed.
crate Congress and in that address be
showed how the Confederacy could not
have succeeded. He said that the
foreign powers of Europe did not care TO
make treaties with an alleged nation
which did not acknowledge the supre-
macy of the central authority. The alb.
solute independence of the States to the
central government stood always in the
way of their securing any recognition.
This gentleman said that if the Confed.
eracy had succeeded in separating itself
from the Union it would have failed
wretchedly and would have been begging
its way back into the Union within the
next FIVE years. With its weak central
authority it would not have been able to
protect its borders, and with the jealousy
of the States of each other anarchy
would have soon resulted. He said that
there was no man in the South to day
who would ever care to renew the ex-
pertinent of separation.-Meo York
World.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18
STOCK RAISING.
A correspondent Of the Register, writ.

A correspondent Of the Register, writ.
ing from Westminster, says:
Stock raising has become prominent
feature of our County's productions and
Oconee County bids fair to lead the State
in this important industry. 1t will be
remembered that our County held
prominent placeon the premium list Of
the last State Fair.
+. Our farmers are giving more attention
now than ever to good stock. Mr.. John
w. Shelor, one of our most successful
farmers, has just returned from Bourbon
County, Kentucky, bringing with him
two very handsome stud colts. These
were sired by Victur Won Bismark, a
noted horse, being combination of the
Hamb!etonian Clay Eclipse and Diamond
blood, and having as dams the celebrated
mares of the Mambrino breed. he also
brought a two.year old mare sired by
Twilight, and having as dam the Ameri-
can. Star blood. This mare is first
cousin of the celebrated trotting horse
Jay Eye See. Mr.. Shelor proposes to
give his attention to raising fine stock,
and many of his neighbors will fall into
line with linn, being disgusted with rails
ing cotton at seven and eight cents when
field of so much more promise is open
tn them.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18

sor Dudley had rrn The Pension Office
as a politica! machine. The Go I'm :
siuaer has promised to furnish The Com.
mittea with the names aud numbsr OF
pension cases in which pensions were
either granted or rejected on occount OF
politics of the applicant. He said
further that he has made 100 appoint
men,s since he took charge of the offices
of which number l42 were D1mocraes.
The Senate galleries have been packed
with spectators who, when they once get
inside, spend the whole day in listening
to Senatorial eloqueuce and exposition of
Constitutional law on the much talked
of removal from Office" question. Sen
ator Kenna, of West Va, made the most
forcible and logical speech during the
week, and dissected Senator Edmuud's
speech, so that there seemed to be neither
reason nor logic in it. But the
Vermont Senator's speech, when
taken as whole, is very strong and
able presentation of his case, even if he
has not got the best of the controversy.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18
"Bob Inpersoll called upon Secre

-"Bob Ingersoll called upon Secre.
tary Lamar at the interior department,
and in the course of half an hours con-
versation said scores of witty things,
which Lamar, lying back upon the sofa
in his private Office, enjoyed immensely.
Ingersoll finally made some remark in
ridicule of orthodox Christianity. There
was a momentary pause when he finished,
and the secretary jumped TO his feet,
throwing his long hair, with an impatient
gesture, back from his forehead. 'Iuger.
soll,' he exclaimed, I hope to live to see
the day when you will come to this CAPT
tai city and preach to the world Christ
and Him crucifed With your magnifi.
cent abilities and splendid oratory you
could work a revival such as the world
has never seen. 1 hope, Bob, to see the
day when this will come to pass, aud you
could not engage in any grander or more
noble work. ~ Washington Special to the
Philadelphia Press.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18

Quite vigorous newspaper controversy
is being waged in the Augusta Chronicle
between writer from Spar.anburg, who
is understood to be Capt. Hugh S. Farley,
and who signs himself Spartan" in
series of articles attacking the present
administration aud urging new deal on
the one hand, aud Maj, L. A. Ransom,
who writes from Columbia under the
non de plane Of "Richland," and defends
the present administration on the other
hand. This controversy reminds the
readers of the Chronicle in this State, no
doubt, of the volumiuous writings of
Capt. Farley iu 1850, in which he sought
to promote the candidacy of Gen. Gary
for Governor, but made the mistake
(which other friends of Gen. Gary made
of seeking TO secure his favorite's i'd
vancement by pulling down the reputa'
ton Of Gov. Hampton. By this means
they succeeded in making Gen. Hagood,
who, in our opinion was neither as we'll
qualified nor as deserving as General
Gary, Governor of the State. The pres
ent agitation seems to run in the same
line, except that the Spartan" now
makes more general attack, and has,not
yetindicated who he wants to put forward,
or what his man proposes to do if he is
elected. i.
aSpartan" contends that Senator
Hampton is not a straightout Democrat,
and renews the old time discussion
which the people of South. Carolina have
once decided, and which they will decide
again the same way whenever it is sub.
mitted to them. "Spartan's" attack
upon our government and number of
its leading representatives is based on
negative reasons, and he does not show
how or where he proposes to make any
improvement by q change. 1t looks to
us very much as if it were the old cry of
the outs against the ins,. merely to get
their places.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18
An Enterprising. Reliable House.

Hill Bros. can always be relied upon,
not only to carry in stock the best Of
everything, but to secure the Agency for
such articles as have well-known merit,
and are popular with the people, thereby
sustaining the reputation Of being always
enterprising. and ever reliable. Having
secured the Agency for the celebrated
DR.. Kings New Discovery for Consump
ton will sell it on positive guarantee.
1t will surely cure any and every affec.
ton of Troat, Lungs, and Chest, and to
show our confidence, We invite you to
call and get Trial Bottle Free
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18
. Lexington boasts of a farmer who

= Lexington boasts of a farmer who
has has not yet sold bale of his present
years crop OF cotton, and who has also
some of last years crop over, and who
has never bought auy provision of any
kind since he has been farming, except
little fodder one year. He buys but
small quantities of fertilizers and feeds
high.
Governor Lee, of Virginia. unhes.
itatingly signed the local option law
passed by the Virginia Legislature, and
both forces are already preparing for the
struggle that must come sooner or later
in each community. It is thought that
the city of Richmond will test the
strength of the parties before long, and
interviews with opposing leaders are the
first signs of the work being done. The
majority of these incline to the belief
that the city will vote against local
option.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18

Mr. Willis, the member Of the Com
mittee on Education in the House whose
name comes second on the list, and who
lis, ne, believe, acting chairman in the
absence Of Col. Aiken, finds himself in
q hopeless minority on the Blair Educa-
stional bill. Mr.. Willis favors the bill
while The majority of the members op,
pose it. He has lost his temper on
accountof its defeat by the committees
refusal TO report it to the House, and
threatens TO introduce new bill, and
attempt to pass it under suspension of
The rules, ard that if he fails he will
block legislation as far as possible until
J The House listens to him. Threats are
not generally conducive to success in
securing the passage of desired legisla-
tion, and We fear Mr.. Willis has not
Eesped the cause Of Education by exhi-
sbiiiep oftemper. We think the Demo.
cratic party will make serious mistake
;sif it refuses 10 consider this bill in the
House of Representatives. For this
mistase Speaker Carlisle will be respon-
sible, Is be is said to have packed this
committee id snch manner as to prevent
any consideration Of the bill to which he
] IS opposed. The rules of the House are,
lin our judgment entirely wrong in giving
to- q committee any such power. The
object Of committees ia to look into pro.
-posed legislation, and give to the House
TO which they belong their advice upon a
pending measure and their reasons for
it, but they should not be allowed to
control legislation in a negative way,
The action on the educational bill is
enough to provoke Mr.. Willis indigna-
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18

Congress SO far has not passed q single
bill of any consequence to the people.
tits an expensive luxury at best, and at
this time we fear its record will damage
the Democratic party. It is not safe
fora party on coming into power to stand
idle during long session of Congress.
It looks too much like the preceding
party had done all that was necessary.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18
An Answer Wanted.

Can any one bring us case Of Kidney
or Liver Complaint that Electric Btters
will not speedily cure?. We say they can
not, as thousands of cases already perma-
nently cured and who are daily recon-
mending Electric Bitters, will prove.
Bright's Disease, Diabetes, Weak Back, or
any urinary complaint quickly cured.
They purify the blood, regulate the bow.
els, and act directly on the diseased parts
Every bottle guaranteed. For sale at SOC.
bottle by Hill Bros.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18

= After diet of six weeks upon hot
water and beefsteak, corpulent gentle
man announces a remarkable change in
mental and bodily condition. He is six
inches less in girth, indigestion has van
ished; he wears gloves and shoes size
smaller, he has lost the tendency to take
cold, and his muscles are daily hardening.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18

= The word "reclusion," which occurs
occasionally in foreign dispatches, is ap.
piled 10 a new and terrible form of soli-
tary Imprisonment inflicted on criminals
in France. A Paris journalist. who was
recently convicted of murder, was sen.
fenced to seven years reclusion, solitary
confinement in a darkened cell and de.
prived of all employment.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18

The freeze in January killed the tea
plants on the government farm near
Summerville and Commissioner Coleman
has decided to abandon the tea farm as
failnre
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18

NOTICE FINAL SETTLEMENT.
IN Notice is hereby given that the un-
dcrsigned, Executor Of the Estate of
Permelia E. Mattison, decd will apply to
the Judge of Probate for Anderson County,
on the 21st day Of April, 1856, for a
Final Settlement and discharge from said
office as Executor Of said Estate.
w. l.. WOOD, Ex'r.
March IS, 1856 3G 5
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18

tion, lus his teul er gothic better of is
judgment wien !e unf'e,t "k to lhreaten
the House because he could not control
the committee.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1886-03-18
WARNING.

a LII persons are hereby notified not to
IN harbor or hire Willie Strickland and
Luther Strickland as they are under age
and have left me without my consent.
Any persons disregarding this notice will
be prosecuted.
]. T. STRICKLAND.
March lS, 1886 SO l.