Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1886-02-05
Reading Character Leg-itimately.

An eminent literary light and a shrewd
observer of humanity once remarked in
my hearing. that he could Immediately
tell the character of any female whose
stockings he mig ht see. I have been,
since then, wonderfully amazed at the
justice of this mans assertion. Not
the face, nor the eyes, nor the frock
gives half as clear an insight into the
feminine nature as the stocking! Many
years of laborious study have l given to
the subject, and they only go to prove
the truthfulness of his remark. The
outcome of my studies may be given to
the public in the following brief state
ment.
Young men, beware of the owner of
the striped stockings! The gaudier the
stripes, the more she should be stunned.
She is lion, seeking whom she may
devour. She is the ice-cream girl, the
soda-water girl, the fried-oyster girl.
She is the girl who wants you to take
her to the theatre, to the skating rink,
to the National Rifles Fair. Aud if YOU
won't 20 with her, she will give you the
e. B. and go there with somebody else.
All, my young friend, the Sirens should
be painted with striped stockings, and I
am surprised that Ulysses never said
word about it in his narrative.
AS newspaper man l ought not to
say much against the bas blew. The
blues have very little beauty as rule,
but they make up for it in their wit. If
you have good level head and are not
slow in repartee, you may go with i'm
punity with the blues. Otherwise, you
had much better stay away. You mi ght
lose your heart to them twenty times
over and they would only laugh at you.
You may not find the fact mentioned in
Anthem, but it is my private belief that
Minerva wore stockings of beautiful
| azure.
Just wait until you see ''Nanon!' At
present you are supposed to know moth
ing of the ballet or chorus girls.
About black or brown stockings l
have little to say. Their wearers are
good and modest, pure and refined wo-
men. If Heaven sends YOU black or
| brown-stockinged angel in the matri-
monial lottery, you ough to make the
| rest OF your hfe an uninterrupted
Thanksgiving Day.
No matter how nice your Dulcinea
may Ne, II she De partial to red stock
ings, she is as much to be dreaded as
the girl with red hair. If you, with the
characteristic blindness of young men,
heed not this warning, remember it
| when in due course of time you kick
against a new spring bonnet. In the
tempest that follows, and in the subse-
| quent calm, when you collect your re-
mains together, remember this warning
and what it would have saved you. As
Anacreon but too truly says in his little
''Song of the Broken Head
OF stockings red and auburn hair
I tell thee, Phocris be aware
A white-stockinged woman is either
! an old maid or one who careth not for
the esteem of men. She, who wears
white stockings has no poetry in her
soul. For her the soaring flood of mu-
,, sic from a quivering bird is as the chat
tering of a crow; the glorious hues of
crowded garden, inferior to the beaa-
ties of a gaudy bit of calico. The swirl
ing rush of feecy clouds over the gaunt,
appealing, naked arms of the moaning,
shivering trees but a sign of d windy
day. The white stockinged woman is
soulless. = Washington Hafchet. =