Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1886-03-13
NO THANKS FOR ME.

"Pve nothing to give thanks for" said
my Uncle Theron Banks to Aunt Hep
pie-short for Hepzibah-In response to
Aunt's declaration that she meant to kill
the fatted calf, or otherwise turkey, on
the coming holiday, and keep up the
customs of her forefathers and the Gov
ernors proclamation.
"Well, whether we have or not, The
ron," said his wife, "I'll make believe and
do your thanking if you won't. I've
fatted the turkey on purpose, and I'm
drefful Gurus to know how them hams is
goin' to turn out"
"Wal, you kin do g you please, Hep
pie, but I say I amt got nothin' to give
thanks for, and I don't mean to make a
hypercrit of myself by maxim b'ieve."
'Why, you've had good crops this
year," said Auntie smilingly; ''and we've
all had good health; that's somethin,
amt it?
Eyes! good crops, and all the money
I'll get from 'em II be eat up in law ex-
penses to keep Cousin The from gettin'
this farm away from me. He's no cousin
of mine, and 1 don't see what my father
was about to let his brother name such a
mis'able skinakadink after him. Why,
he's got more money in one day than I've
got in year, and yet he begrudges me
this farm, which he's got mortgage on,
and foreclosed it. Is that anything to
be thankful 'bout?"
"Wal, you know, Theron, that Cousin
Banks wouldn't be so hard on you if
you'd be little kinder. He says that
you set him at defiance, an so he's bound
to have his rights
Ellis rights, an what's he want with
his rights? He hasn't got wife, nor
chick, nor child, to leave it to. He's
only mis'able old bachelor, going about
SEEM who he may devour."
"What dye say, Theron, bout askin'
Cousin Banks to come home with us from
church an take dinner" said Aunt Hep
pie, coaxingly. "It'll show that what
ever the law may do to us, that we've
got Christian forgiveness? Eh?"
"What do I say?" said Uncle Theron,
sulkily. "Why L say, in the first place,
that amt going to church, and second,
that if yer did ask Cousin Banks he
wouldn't come, an if he did come I
wouldn't set at the same table. I amt
b'leever in forgivin' my enemies afore
I'm asked. Why, the next thing you'll
be askin' me to forgive that teller King
that got me down to York ten years ago
after swindlin' me outer $4,000, all I
had in the world, got me to mortgage
the farm to Cousin Banks, an then run
away with that"
''Oh, that ere's all in the past. Theron
an you kin forgive it now, an if ye can't
you must ask the Lord to forgive him,
for war'ent me the money never did
him any good"
mo, guess it didn't" said Uncle
Theron, ''if what I've heard's true. They
say he went to California, or somewhere's
out thar, an cut some of his didoes and
them vigilance committees caught him,
an ju.t strung him up to tree. That's
all the good my money did him."
"May the Lord have mercy on him."
said Aunt Hepzibah, fervently.
"Oh! the Lord don't fret himself bout
such CATTLE" said Uncle Theron, irrever-
emily. "He's got enough to attend to
with decent folks" -.
"Even to the lowliest and most sinful"
responded Aunt Heppie, humbly.
"Wal, shan't go to church" repeated
Uncle Theron. "Pve got huff to do
home, and I don't feel thankful. It's a
foolish custom anyhow, and won't give
way to it."
And he did not. Uncle Theron was a
good man, but he was headstrong, and
for the last two years things had not
gone right with him, and he was irritable;
He had three daughters, but no son. I
called him uncle, though he was no
relative of mine. My fathers farm
adjoined his, and up to within a year
Uncle Theron had always treated me as
if I had been his son until I wanted to
make Lydia Banks. the eldest daughter,
my wife, and then Uncle Theron was up
IL arms.
"Nop' he said, sit can't be done.
Lyddy's the beauty Of the family, an,
she's got to redeem it's fortune. She's
got to marry rich"
This would have been q heavy blow if
Lydia had not declared that she would
marry nobody bdt me, even though she
waited or'twenty or more years. All
this did not improve Uncle Theron's
temper, and when his cousin, also Theron
Banks, made his appearance at Little
field, after an absence of five years, and
limited that Uncle Theron had not paid
any interest on the mortgage the former
held for five years, the latter was worse
than ever.
His bachelor cousin was rich-very
rich and really did not care about the