The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1886-02-14
HE HUNG HER UP.
How Well-Enown Treasury Clerk Got Into Troubl.
and Got Out Again by Using Slang.

HOW Well-kn0Nn Treasury Clerk Got Into Trouble
and Got Out Again by Using Slang.
tReported by "Greybeard.''l
Mr.. o. X. Nibbs up at the Treasury Department.
is young man who Invariably "gets left.' Iil.luck
persists in pursuing him even in small matters where
1t was never Known to follow others. He IL through
force Of fate and habit combined chronic borrower
He has friend, however, of the Damon stamp who
never ''goes back on him" when called upon for
loan. He got big scare the other day, however,
when he was very hard up, and said 10 his friends
"Boss,'-he calls him "Boss" because he ia his best
friend-"for the nine hundred and elghty-seventh
time, must borrow from you; this time ONLY want
dollar, If you have odd one TO spare" The kind
"Boss' Immediately put his hand in his pocket and
pulled out silver dollar, and gazed at it with sad
farewe,l-forever-fren sort of an expression, but
said: 81 cannot let you have It,"
Poor Nibbs looked as though his heart would
break, and remarked, "Et ~ brute; Just my LUCK
Then the Boss handed him the dollar, facetiously
SAYING "My dear boy, can't let you have an odd
dollar, but there is an even dated 1851, which
think will answer your purpose"
He is now studying how he will get even with the
Boss for so narrowing up his feelings. Nibbs is a
great advocate OF the credit system. He thinks that
Uncle Sam ought not to pay the clerks oftener than
semi-annually, or once In three months anyhow.
This thing Of having bills come In every two weeks
he regards as nuisance as II requires the loss Of
too much valuable time to hustle around to raise the
wherewith to pay them. Especially he says. is this
the case when ones income for the time being is
about one-half the amount of his expenses He is
going to see "his member" and ask him to introduce
bill In Congress to have the clerks paid not oftener
than once in every three months
Mr.. Nibbs has great habit OF using slang, and
not long ago that innocent eccentricy got him
into trouble, which for awhile locked as though 1t
might prove quite serious. Itappears that where he
had his family boarding-they were the only board
ers--the landlady died suddenly, and he was In ar
rearages to herhad his family Sin hook" for their
board, he called It, So in the emergency to raise
the money which was needed for the funeral ex-
penses he did not know which way to turn to get 1t.
The remains could not wait TIL the end of the month
for obvious reasons, and so he forced to make
great effort TO raise Ito do the "grand Herculean
hustllng act," as he termed It. He was desperate,
and, after applying to several friends aud "RettnR
left," he finally summoned up courage and called on
Mr.. Tenpercenter, with whom he had had many pre-
| vious transactions. He was Handicapped" how
| ever, with the fact that he still owed Mr. T 800,
running at the usual rates. So when he entered Mr.
T-'s inner sanctum that gentleman cordially
greeted him in his suave manner by saying:
"Ah! good morning, Mr.. Nibbs; glad to see you
sir; suppose Of course you have come to cura your
ong-standing note, at least 80"
Here was pretty how-de-do. But Nibbs was
equal TO the OCCASION and brleny but firmly impaired
the Information that he would not deceive him on
that point; that he had try and borrow some
| more money-"to press w 800. Mr.. T.-loeked
positively III for second, when smile broke over
his face as the thought came into MS mind that II
was only a joke-Nibbss 8 Idea OF humOr. But Nibbi
| continued and said, sin all seriousness, Mr.
Banker, (he always called him Mr.. Banker when he
wanted "to work" him, and 1t pleased him more
| than being called by his own name) must raise
| 800 TO day. hare hung uD my iahdiddy and
| she Is dead and I must bury her."
Old Turned white and almost went into a.
| and managed to gasp:
"Do you mean to say that what you have juss told
me Ia true?"
"Eyery word Of II as true as sit here, sad Nbbs
"rhat you have hung up"
"All true as gospel interrupted Nibbs, en-
phatlcally.
"YOu swear it?" howled 4.
~ do" answered Nibbs.
"My Cod" exclaimed T, 81 did not think thai
such human monster lived. You base, self-con.
fessed murderer you have Killed your Innocent vic
| tim, and now you come with your unequasd gall tC
rob me TO shield your crime. shall denounce you
TO the authorities" And going to the telephone he
called for special policeman and herdc. Nibbl
tried In vain 10 expain but the more he talked the
more nervous he became, and consequently the NOR,
guilty he looked lie saw II was Inevitable that ht
had to go TO the police headquarters. SO when Mr.
Ocer game he quietly got into the herdlc with hin
and Mr.. IT. T--,of course, told the onicer they
had murderer In custody. Arriving at the station
house the Captain In charge asked Mr. = what
the charges were against the prisoner = an
swered nrmy;
~ denOunce him as a sei-confessed murderer
lie has Killed his Kind landlady by hanging ner."
"This Is most horrible charge, young man. You
don't look Ike wlful murderer. What have you
TO say 10 your defense 2" querled the Captain.
81 did not XII herr true she is dead. but she died
natural death. / only huIig her uD for ne boord,
and this old shyock. won't understand" plead pool
| Nibbs.
Mr.. 1enpercenter 'tumbied.n the Captain roarcd
and told = that all th0roughbreds chung up
their lsndladles; that he had better buy book on
"Americanlsmsp and go home and study II. T.
locked very silly, sent out for bottle Of Mumm,
told NibDB II he'd keep mum he'd loan him q In
stead Of slOO-without interest Nibbs agreed, got
his "boodlep buried his andlady, and all Is well.
cur eagle-eyed reporter was there, but he was not
"seen,p however, and hence the world Is the better
oil from the moral OF this little sory-tnal one can't
be too careful what he says.