The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1886-10-22
WIT AND HUMOR.


A Toronto woman proposes society
for the prevention OF kissing. Some
body ought to kiss the old thing and
shut her up Philadelphia Nesos.
Landlord-Any arrivals to-day, Mr.
Scarfpin? Clcrk-No, sir; nothing but
leaves; and he went on humming
the air of that beautiful hymn.
bier.
The most modest girl in the world
that when pupil at Vassar she refused
to work on vulgar fractions. -PittSburg
Post.
Conductor on Vermont railroad
Madam, isn't that boy old enough to
pay full fare? Lady-He wasn't when
we started, bnt i guess he is now
Boston Herald
The joys of photography: Photo
graphcr (about to make his fourteenth
attempt) you manage to look
little bit less drcary, sir-just for half
a second-not morcp-Punch.
The Able List, one of the greatest
pianists the world ever produced. died
poor. There are q good many people
in this country who seem likely to die
poor pianists.-Sprtnafeld Union.
They were talking about women be-
foore nj. Prudhomme. .For my part"
he remarked, II adore negrcsses." "You
are not in earnest?" Certainly. Black
becomes them So we'll. "-Ffench Fun.
In Mrs. Langtry's new play she i'm
personates san INSCRIPTIONS woman OF
fatal beauty" A newspaper makes the
unfelicitous remark that "the part fits
her like glove" We should smile
Rambler.
The woman is the enemy of free
dom," remarks an authority. Correct.
The army of married men who have
been deprived of their latch-keys is a
monument to the truth of the assertion.
Nashville Union.
The Parisians have q new idol,
beautiful dancer from Tunis, known as
ia Belle Fatma." She has been adopt
ed as favoritc in the absence of Sarah
Bernhardt, who was known rs LA Belle
Ihinn,a. -Rambler."
'Aurelia, darlingp" Eyes, Arthur"
you know we arc soon to be married"
YES" ''And we should learn to be
economical in small things. "Yes."
Hadn't you better turn down the gasp"
--Fhildde'phiG CdU.
Young lady-'O, gracious! there's a
great big, horrid COW. l know by its
looks it will attack me-. Cow-'Gra-
cious! there's one of those horrid city
people. l guess I'll get out of her way
rs quick as l n."-7he Judge.
Hello, Brown! l see you and Miss
Jones are not so intimate as former
ly." mo. She is nice girl, but she
affected me like an ague." Affected
you like an aguep How was thatP"
''She shook me. "-NeW York San.
A clearinghouse mistress has added
another ornament to her wall dccora-
tons. 1t is in the shape of motto
which reads thus: Laugh and grow
fat" She wants to give the mouths of
her boarders something to do.-BoSton
Commonwealth.
Doctor-The only thing can recon-
mend for you is change of scene.
Patient-Change of scene is no good;
I've tried it. Doctor thought you
said you had not been out of town for
years? PATIENT haven't; but Pm
scenc-shifter at the theatre. -Puck.
At the doctor Pardon, madame"
said he. 'but you have asked me to
order you TO the Pyrenees, and have
consented. don't sec what more
can do" 20, yes, you can, DOCTOR"
pleaded the lady. "Only send my hus-
band to Switzerland. "-French Fun.
Old Mrs. Bently-Did yc hear how
Deacon Brown is gettin' onP Old Mrs.
Bennington-I heered he TUX relapse
this mornin'. Old Mrs. Bently with
sigh)-Well. l hope it'll do the poor
soul good, but / hain't got no faith in
them new-fangled medicines. "-Ne,0
York Times.
At Bar Harbor: First waiter-Who's
the new man at your tablet Second
Waiter-I don't know, but he's regu-
lar dude. First waiter-He don't look
it. Second WATERFALL, but he eats it.
Why, no threatened to report me ut
the office because didn't give him Gin
namcn to put on his muskmelon. -IoaOa
Topics.
Farmers wife-This sudden change
in the weather, John, has given me
dreadful cold, and my rheumatism is SO
bad that can scarcely sit up. Farm
or John Gmpatiently)-Don't talk to
me bout colds and rheumatism. Look
ut that patch O. corn back of the
barn! Frostbittcn, by jngo!-New York
Times.
"You know the new catcher of the
baseball nincp" "Yes." saw him
down at the doctors office the other
day." "What was he there forp" Get
ting vaccinated." "Vaccinatedp Why,
great heavens! What does he want 10
get vaccinated forp He'd never catch
anything in hundred years. "--Mer-
chant Iraceler.
Bagley-"What's the matter, Ponson-
byP" Ponsonby-"Got a cold in my
head. 1t surprises me-" ''You mean
it exaspcrates YOU" "No-surprises.
/ wonder it don't go to my lungs. They
say cold always goes 10 the weakest
part" $50 it does. Yet you arc sur
prised that it went to your head. Dear
me!'-Philadetphia Call
Influential citizen-So yer thinkin' NV
locatin' hyur, air YEP Young physician