The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1886-08-28
HE WAS TURNER.
A Police Captain Calls a Woman a Cranl
and Is Treated by Her Husband.

| IN Y. Herald1
''The greatest problem Of the day. re
marked Police Captain Mount solemnly a
night enlightening crowd of citizens o,
various topics, lis one which have beer
forced to study deeply, but which an
| afraid is beyond me.''
What is that, captain!" tinnidly III
CURED All anxious but admirjng listener.
cit is this" responded the veteran com
mnnder of the Nineteenth with evident
feeling.
How can the old maids and small boy:
of this great city be reconciled to one
another:"
lis there any serious diff" began the
modest citizen, but the captain cut him
| off with:
"Any thing serious? Why, should say
at war. There are twenty quarrels day
between them in my precinct, and dare
say Aleck Williams has nearly as many.
There is always a crowd OF old women at
my house waiting to SOC me before break
fast, and a long string at the station-house
to urge ME TO kill every small boy in the
ward because they have broken few win
dows, played ball or ended q cat or two.
Then the boys come around and kick be-
cause the old ladies won't let them have
any fun. tell you either the lads or the
old gals have got to 60 or there will never
be any peace. The worst subject that ever
tackled me was sour and ancient dame,
whom naturally took for f-st-c1ass old
maid She stood at the desk one morning
as entered tbs station house.
80 Is this Captain Aount?' says she. III
isl seys /. Them says she, x want to
know why we Taxpayers have to submits
to having cur front windows broken by
lawless mobs of wild boys when we sup.
port the police force in idleness am Mrs.
Turner, and live at No. s62 East Forty
seventh street. One of my basement win
dows was broken by little wretch yester-
day, and that makes two in a few years.
have lived in my house for twenty years,
and / have never seen policeman go by
YETI
Stop right there, madam, says I.
you must live in the rear then, or never
look out OF the windows, for I have a
rcundslnan who lives at No. S7V, Just be-
.yond you: and who passes your house Mt
least five times day in Uniform
I" I don't care she snapped, about your
roundsnan. My opinion is that you po-
lice are a lazy set of good-for-nothing rs
who
''sAnd begging your pardon, ma'apa,
says Z: my opinion is that you are &C.
male crank of the worst kind
GA female cranky she gasped, clutch
ing the rail. "A female crank! My! /
will tell Mr. Turner. He is a friend of
Commissioner French. You have deeply
insulta respectable lady
"Wen," continued the Captain, laugh
ing, sthe old dame hounced OUT and for
got ali about the matter until the next
evening. l. was standing On the corner
near the station-house with one of my
men when a gentleman, a stranger to me.
tapped me on the arm. iCaptain,' says he,
come and have a cigar I Went along,
got tine cigar and was puzzling my brains
to think vino the fellow was. when sudden
ly he said; Captain, I made up my mind
las; night, when I got home, to treat you
the first time saw you
'Why:; said I. astonisl1ed-like.
81 DO you remember calling a woman in
the statiof-house "a female crank,ns'
Il do. said E.
g You got it right, says hc,
How did you hear Of it!' says L
She told me, says he.
"Do you know her?' says I.
Know her. says he. Well, I should
smile. I'm Turner.'''