The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-02-04

THE MERRY SlDEl

lIlu MHI(I(l OlUu !
1t is easy for man to see his faults-wher
the other fellow comes along.
A Democratic politician, like a tumbIe-bug,
places his future hopes in revolution.
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Bob Ingersoll may be an Infidel-but Bob
Kennedy is the very type Of Fidelity.
Joaquin Miller's latest and most famous work
is letting his daughter come to want.
The Democratic Senators at Columbus found
they had gotten into a hole-a naught-hole.
The Rump Senate has to dodge in and out
pretty lively, to keep the Rump from being
kicked.
Salvation Army has two hundred recruits in
Middleport. That town may put on white
robe.
So much gas is escaping and going to waste at
Lima that the street loafers keep quiet, from
pure disgust.
People sometimes boast of their earthly pos
sessions-just pig boasts of the strength of
its surroundings.
When a man who smells strongly of liquor
declares he never tastes it, can the statement be
called "the voice of the Spirit?"
We know a man in this State who applied for
pension because he sprained his foot. 1t
disabled him-he couldn't run.
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Many man laughs at religion in this world
much a small boy laughs when heis tickling
a hornets nest with stick.
Sam. Joneshas sswoke em up' in Cincinnati.
The police were limiting poor fellow last week
for kicking his mother-in-law.
"Wfll Kennedy call out the militia ?" asks a
Democratic friend. Possibly! He has already
been doing some lively "firing."
The Spiritualists in Philadelphia are going to
build the town of "Neshaming." There will
probably be spirits sold there.
The revenue officers destroyed moonshine
distillery last week in Menifee county, KY, but
the proprietor and all the snakes escaped.
The President has gotten his back up. and
Democrats affect TO believe it is so big that the
Republican Senate can't get around it,
The Cincinnati fOrgerS did not permit the left
hand to know what the right was doing. But
the work of the right got left, after all.
There is strong talk of the Utah Mormons
moving to the Sandwich Islands. This country
is SO "ornery" they can't stand it much longer.
Some of the little Cincinnati dailies change
hands so often that the book-keeper can scarcely
tell at night whose name to post the books in.
Halstead calls for John Mclean to come
home. No, he has given us trouble enough.
Why wouldn't it be better for Halstead to 90
away?
Moody wants enough Churches built in Chi
cago to save all the people. Let Dakota be
rooted for a Chicago Church. You might get
room that way.
Washington dispatches say 'there is proba-
bility of vacant chair in the Senate, when the
Payne investigation is ended" More vacant
than it has been?
We are tired of being told that call eyes are
turned toward Ohio" Just look the other way
a little while until we give these unruly Demo-
Gratis a spanking.
A Columbus detective arrested a number of
ci tizens of South Charleston for picking up coal
on the track ofthe Ohio Southern. They picked
it up ont of the cars.
The Democrats missed chance of getting q
Speaker for their rump Senate last week. Paul
Boyton had a sale in New York, and disposed
of a well-dried mummy.
So
We believe the modern historians O are still
willing to admit that Grant captured Lee,
though we should not be surprised to see that
disputed by ''official document"
There are reports of a large number of Ohio
lent prospects for them. Let every Democratic
paper n the State call attention to this
+.%
An exchange says Francis Murphy is opposed
to prohibiting the liquor traffic. Such thing
would take away his employment. There
would be nothing left him to talk about.
Munger, alleged Evangelist" lectured in
Washington c. H. the other night and greatly
pleased his audience They all went off in
splendid humor-before he was half through.
ga Pennsylvania girl refused to kiss the
Bible, when on the witness-stand," says an ex-
change. Why didn't they tell her it was a him
book, and she would have smacked it lovingly.
The Democratic Senators rushed kissing, at
Speaker Kennedy, like so many geese. Like
that clumsy bird they gave the most vigorous
display of their powers when they turned tail
to run.
The Pension Office has received an applica-
ton from a man who says he was "cicked by
muel, in the lower part of the stomach, near
the hart" Well, there are less meritorious
cases on record.
The managing and city editors of the Louis
Vile Commercial had bloody fight because
copy was sent in too late. But they furnished
a good local item for the next day. Nothing
like enterprise.
Kentucky Democrats used an old colored man
as repeater at the last election. He was tried
last week and acquitted, because he was blind
and crazy. 1t didn't need any testimony to es-
.ablish that fact.
Whistler, the English Artist is coming over to
lecture, and sends word In advance that he just
loves adverse criticism. That gag proves that
he'd better stay at home. He don't know
enough for America.
Church Member, to Minister.-"Brother -,
do you think it's wrong to dance and play
cards?"
Minister-"Sister -, do you think It's
right?" Profound silence!
These two items appearing in Gallipolis ex-
change, evidently "just happened so:''
"Bob Haptonstall, of the Point, is making
skate rollers"
"Six crazy people in Point jail"
*.+
The Gallipolis Bulletin says the thrown-out
members of the House were illegally elected"
Then the thief who presents forged bank
check is engaged in legal transaction, is he?
Or can Democrat see it that way?
Democratic correspondent of a Cleveland
paper wrote: "The Democrats will go into the
Senate armed to the teeth, prepared to do or
die" They didn't die, and for the sanitary well
fare of Columbus, we hope they didn't "do"
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