The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-03-25
THE MERRY SIDEI

lpOllS reJOlceS III QeT coming hOS-
pital, and claims that she always was hospita-
BILE.
Market Report Under Democratic Admins
tration.- .-"Strikes are active, with a firm de-
mand"
We are told that "Ohio's pocket book is
empty Then, at last we all feel perfectly at
home.
Thieves are getting sauce-y in Cincinnati.
Two of them stole a wagon load of apple-butter
last week.
The Ironton gas well is over twenty-six hun
dred feet deep, and no gas yet-at the bottom of
the well.
w. H. Barnum, OF Connecticut, has improved
in health, and will soon be able to get out and
see his "mules''
A stingy man had wheel-barrow fall TO
pieces in his stable-because he would "neither
barrow nor lend"
The Judge who wouldn't tolerate "leading
question" had to give it up when he attempted
to lead a balky horse.
An exchange says natural gas is injurious to
health" No business to blow it out! Why
didn't you turn it off
Many reasons are given why great man
died poor. But the principal one was that he
didn't have any money.
"Oh, I'm full y, said Sunday School Super
intendent. The little fellows all felt solemn,
but the big boy giggled.
-
US. Grant, jr., is made amillionaire through
his wife's inheritance of her fathers estate.
There's a woman worth loving.
The story has been started that Count Won
Moltke has contempt for American Generals.
He might have at that distance.
Sam. Jones says he was cured of drunkenness
"by coming to Christ" But Sam. might have
added that he quit before he came.
81
A temperance dispatch says "the saloon ele-
ment downed at Grafton" And almost every
where else-swallowed up, so to speak.
80
The U. S. Senate contemplates investigating
old man Payne. Glad of it. We're afraid the
old gentleman might get lonesome.
-
The people of Pittsburgh have epizootic.
They've quit blowing themselves up with nat
ural gas, and gone to blowing their noses.
An eminent London authority says "salt
water is cure for lunacy." Every college in
America should bore salt well, at once.
There is one thing about which the politicians
of both political parties are in harmony-each
side thinks the other is composed of scoundrels.
"You talk too much ~ said the cross parent
to the pert Miss. "Do L? You just show me a
vehicle that isn't led and moved by the tongue"
The Committee of One Hundred issued an ad-
dress in Cincinnati 1t is addressed "to the
legal voters" That leaves out large portion
of the Democratic party.
bill has been introduced in the U. S. Senate
to spend three hundred thousand dollars i'm
proving the White House. All right-let it be
paid in standard silver dollars
Napoleon's soldier has died again. William
Flowers, West Virginia, 104 he old fellow
isn't dying quite as frequently as he used to-
He must be getting scarce.
After ALL the Payne business was public
charity. Many a poor fellow is said to have
gone to Columbus penniless, and come away
with money enough to start saloon.
Report of the Tract Society shows over one
hundred and fifty thousand families visited
last year, with tracts. Don't say how many
died.
The Columbus Dispatch says Ferdinand
paper manufacturer at Joliet, has
been closed by the Sheriff." Don't say what
was done with the factory.
Mary Anderson has sent her younger brothers
and sisters to England to be educated. Not
strange that she sent them out of the country.
She was raised in Kentucky.
The Speaker of the Kentucky House of Rep
resentatives kicked out the Commercial Gazette
reporter for lying. The reporter claims he only
did his duty.
Teacher to Class.-"Isn't it wrong to use
slang?"
Class.-"You bet!"
Teacher.-"Don't you forget ~
One of the Archer gang over in Indiana un
dertook to sintimidate the States witnesses"
He would have done it if the Vigilance Com
lnittee had given him time to stop.
Death-bed rejoicings are not indicative Of a
happy future. candidates face will be
wreathed in smiles on the day of eection-and
this is often just before he dies.
We may argue that the "body polite is being
purified" on the same principle that boils are
good for the physical system-the sores are all
coming to the surface.
When great man dies, some one is always
raised up to take his place. No sooner was
O'Connor gone than Dan. Dalton began to
loom up.
Tennyson would like to come to America,
solely 'to visit the grave of Edgar Allen Poe"
So! America presents to the great mind no.
thing more of more interest than graveyard!
Gen. Newton should be placed in charge of
the weather bureau for the Summer. His ex-
perience in blowing up Hell-Gate might enable
him to give stirring weather.
A young man in New York placed in a
cheese an advertisement for yougg lady cor
respondent. husband thus thus secured
must naturally be of "strong' affections-a
initey good fellow, as it were.
A Columbus magistrate had to adjourn Court
until the lawyers got sober enough to try the
case. He forget about having a Jail at that
place.
One of the beauties of Democracy is that there
is never miscount of money in the Treasury
after it goes out of power. There is never any
count at all.
1t will soon be weather for out tdoor industry,
when It will not be uncommon sight to see
a woman work for three solid hours planting
halfa dozen brick-bats, with case-knife.
Them there returns" have been photograph
ed again, at Columbus. These Senators ought
to be watched. They are probably preparing
to furnish these pictures 10 show companies,