The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-08-14
The Lime Kiln Club.
Detroit Free Press.

meeting Elder Juneberry Davis and
Judge Holdback Johnson got into a
dispute as to whether the crowbar be-
longed to the glacial epoch or the drift
period, and after some hot words had
passed the elder punched the judge on
the nose and received crack on the
jaw in return. Brother Gardner came
in as they were pulled apart, but he
seemed to take no notice of the affair,
and nothing was said until the meeting
opened. Then he looked around the
hall and observed:
IF Elder Juneberry Davis an Judge
Holdback Johnson am in de hall to-
night l should like to spoke few re-
marks to EN-
Both gentlemen walked forward to
the platform with anxiety depicted on
their faces, and the president continued:
BROTHER GARDNER REASONS WITH THEM.
elder Davis, when did dat glacial
epoch take placer
Il dunno, sir.
Judge Holdback, what do you know
bout de drift period2'
Il reckon dar was a good deal O.
driftin' aroun', sah.'
'Yes, l s'pose dar was. Didn't hap
pen to drift any 'taters an meat your
way, did it?'
mo, sah.'
Elder Davis, did dat glacial epoch
pay up any of your back rent or git new
shoes fur de chillen?'
mo, sah.'
Oats huff; you kin boat sot down.
While 1 blame two old members like
you for sottin' bad example befo' de
club, 1 must at de same time acknowl-
edge dat it am only de weakness of hu-
man natur'. Moas' of US would sooner
fight over de aige of de world dan to
resent straight insult. We would argy
longer to convince man about de size
of Noah's ark den to convert him to our
religun of de present day. We let our
chill EN- go bar fut while we hunt fur evi
dence to convict de Gauls of shiftless.
ness. We spend hours assertin' an
denyin' dat de moon am inhabited,
while fifteen minutes used to fix de bot
tom hinge on de front gait am looked
upon as time frown away. While we
sot an wonder why Sodom an Gomor-
rah didn't behave 'eirselves an escape
destruckshun, de ole woman scrapes de
bottom of de -four bar'l an de fiah goes
out in de kitchen stove. Jist what alge
de crowhar belongs TO. or who invented
it, or why it was invented, am queshunS
which needn't trouble any member of
dis club. De fack dat de crowbar am
heah wild us should satisfy all. Let US
now purceed to attack de business which
has called US together.
NOT CARRIED.
Waydown Beebe then offered the fol-
lowing preamble and resolution:
'Whereas, Medical science has demon
strated de fack dat de habit of drinkin'
ice water has a tendency to bring on
heart disease, lumbago, liver complaint,
insomnia and Mr.. Bright's disease; now,
darfore.
Resolved, Dat dis Lime Kiln Club
not only abstains from ice water doorln
de comm summer, but it advises de
cull'd people of dis kentry to do de
same thing
Professor Ambidexter Smith, Give
adam Jones, Samuel Shin and Sir John
Skinner opposed the resolution, while
Elder Toots, Whalebone Howker, Caesar
Johnson and others favored it, and upon
a vote being taken tie was the result
Brother Gardner said he did not care
to take the responsibility of a decision
on his shoulders, and suggested as
compromise that Shutdown Davis be
submitted to a series of experiments
from Nav to October to determine the
matter. The suggestion was accepted
and the resolution withdrawn.
MILITARY REPORT.
Col. Erastus White, of the committee
on military affairs, reported that his
committee had carefully investigated
the subject of our coast defences, as re-
quired by late resolution, and had
reached the following conclusions:
I. In case of war the enemy's fleet
could easily lombard any city on the
coast. We would therefore suggest that
all these cities be moved back fourteen
miles.
2. The enemy would have no trouble
in landing troops on our shores. Ihe
only trouble would be in getting any OF
them off alive again. The only sugges-
tion we have to offer is that Ben Butler
be notified to be on hand early in the
morning.
:. If new Paradise hall be erected
it should be placed at least twelve miles
from any spot accessible to the gunboats
a.. We don't want a war, but if one
happens to fall out of tree and hit u
we shan't run away.
<. 1t is better to apologize than to
get licked. This advice is for such ma
tions as may feel like knocking the chiI
off our shoulder.
The report was accepted and adopted
and all unfinished business being placed
on a shelf to dry, the meeting adjourned
s@A Boston congregation, the othe
Sunday, were walked right up out OF
sound sleep by the preacher saying
That young man peeping in at the doc
had better come in and find whethe
she is here or not. The people in tn
back end of the church won't be St
troubled by the draught.' After tn
sound of retreating footsteps had ceased
the people settled back again and wen
on with their maps.
nDrApathy is one of the worst mora
diseases, as it not only incapacitates I
from combating the encroachments
) vice but closes every avenue of our sou
, to the approach of virtue.
B9TIf a man be gracious to stranger
it shows he is citizen of the world, an
that his heart is no island cut off fro1
other lands, but continent that joiI
them.