Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-07-08
Bill Nye's Garden.

LILA ANJ . ~ Oh lNCl1.
I always enjoy vegetable garden.
and through the winter l look forward
to the spring days when | will take my
cob pipe and hoe and 60 joyously afeld.
| like to toy with the moist earth, the
common squash bug of the work-a-day
world. 1t is pleasure also to irrigate
the garden, watering the sourkrout
plant and the timid tomato vein. as
though they were children asking for
a drink. l am never happier than
when rrigating my tropical garden or
climbing my neighbor with a hoe
when he shuts off my water supply by
sticking an old pair of pantaloons in
the canal that leads into my squash con-
servatory.
One day man shut off my irrigation
that way, and damned the water to
such a degree that l shut off his air
supply, and, l was about to say. damned
him up also. We had quite scuflle.
Up to that time we had never ex-
changed harsh word. That morning
l noticed that my early rising horse
radsh and my dwarf army worms were
looking little au revoir, and l wond-
cred what was the matter. had been
gone several days, and was grieved to
learn that my garden had kind of
blase air, as though it needed rest and
change of scene.
The Poland China egg plant looked
up to me and seemed to say, "Pardner,
don't You think it's long time be-
tween drinks?' The watermelon SEEM
ed to have a dark brown taste in its
mouth, and there was dark gloom all
over the garden.
AT that moment l discovered my
next door neighbor at the ditch on the
corner. He was singing softly to him.
self:
"Oh, YES, I'll meet you;
III meet you when the sun goes down"
He was jamming an old pair of REM
brandt pants into the canal where they
would shut off my water supply. He
stood with his back toward me, and
just as he said he would ..meet me
when the sun went down." Ismote him
across the back of the neck with my
hoe handle, and before he could recov-
err from the first dumb surprise and
wonder, / pulled the dripping panta-
looms out of the ditch and tied them in
a lovers knot around his neck. He
began to look black in the face, and his
struggles soon ceased altogether. At
that moment his wife came out and
shrieked two purely womanly shrieks,
and Kissed in my ear: You have
killed my husband.
said, possibly l had. If so, would
she please send me the bill and would
adjust it at an early day. 1 said that
in bantering tone of voice, and rails
ing my hat to her in that polished way
OF mine. started to 60, when some-
thing fell with dull thud on the green
sward.
1t was the author of these lines. l
did not know till two days afterwards
that my neighbours wife wore a MORE
antique rolling-pin under her apron. l
did not suspect it till it was too late.
The affair was kind of hushed up on
account of the responsibility of the
parties.
BY the time l had recovered, the gar
den seemed to melt away into thin air.
My neighbor had it all his own way.
While his proud hollyhocks and little
Johnny jump-ups reared their heads to
drink the mountain water at the twi-
light hour, my little low-neck summer
squashes curled up and died.
Most every year make a garden. /
pay u man 50 to pillow it Then 1 pay
$3.50 for garden seed, and i'll July
hire the same man 50 to fallow the
whole thing while l go and buy my
vegetables from a Chinaman named
Wung Lung. I've done this for eight
years, and owe my robust health and
rich olive complexion to the fact that
I've got a garden and do just as little
in it as possible.
Parties desiring dozen or more Of
my Shanghai egg plants to set under an
ordinary domestic hen, can procure the
same by writing to me and inclosing a
lock of hair and $40.
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