The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1886-01-12
UNCLE JOSIAH.

How He Got Into Little Dinicufty sod
Failed In Getting q Premium on His Hog.
well, I'll tell We, said Uncle Josiah
Windlass, list how it happened tibet
Joe Spilkins and i come to hev thes
little difiikilty-like, way back yonder
bout ten year. Twas q time then,
ye'l probably recOlec' when there was
| some excitement in the kentry bout
politics, an also, especially 'roun'
yere, cOncernin' q new breed o hogs.
Well. Joe was nigh neighbor O. mine
then, an was a-runnin' fer Road Supe'-
visor. an / was a little interested in
fattenin' an preparin' hog TO COM
pete fer er prize ct the county fair.
We's both pritty close occupied with
our two pursuits, an each was in
elined, p raps, to 'taeh too little i'm
portanee to the objee' Of t'Other's am
bitiOn. Drivin' home from town one
day met Joe jist a-goin. After pas
sim the time o day an sieh, he says to
me:
Josiah, ai- We goin' to give me .
lift fer Supc visor, next week.
Now, I'd heerd few days afore o
Joe's hevin' made some remarks kind
o agin my breed o. hog, an in favor
O. internal ole Chester White runt
tibet q neighbOr was a-fussin with with
intent to enter i'm ut the fair agin mine.
So said:
Joe how'S this / hear bout We
a-slanderin' tibet hog of mine? I'm
kinder Of the opinion tibet a man what
amt got the sense to see the pints in
fine animal like tibet hain't specially
fitted fer the holdin' o any Office what
ever.
Joe immejitely waxed into rage,
an said:
~ don't want yer DANCED hog to
vote for ME. An eff We yourself want
to support 3 man 'cordin' to his good
'pinion o your hogs, why-I ain't the
man.
These remarks o Joe'S o course
was unfounded in the extreme, an
was p'r'aps prompted by his impetious
temper. and ginerally Ornery, ungov-
ernable disposition. But | kept per-
fec'ly cool an collected, an said:
"'Joe, it's q blame good thing yer
gittin grey-headed, lame-backed an
nat rally played out; er I'd DC tempted
TO take We ont y thet wagon an bump
yer head n few times onto the groun'
10 settle yer mind little
''Et thet, JOe's violent, ugly temper
got entirely the best of his weak jedg-
mcnt, and he sprung oute'n the wagon,
an, THROWN his coat, proposed
thrashin' me there an then--at least
his words was some at to tibet effec'.
Il "a.
immoved like. 'Ye're a ole man; at
least five year older an me, conse-
quently what We say pears to me not
on'y the height of nonsense, but
slightly idiotic. Eff i was TO see fit,
an s mean enough. 20 git down there
an take a-hOlt o We an smash yer
year. chaw yer scelp up, twis' yer
neck out o. plumbendicular an musS
We all up. couldn't hev the heart to
go back TO my innocent family an look
EN- all in the face agin. 'Twould le.
impossible. I'd feel like I'd went an
pilte onto an paralyzed ole, feeble
man, who was not o'ny physically a
wreck but a doggoned ole ijiOt-'
Just then i sOrter felt tibet my left
year, tibet was nearest to Joe as easily
reclined on the seat o my wagon, was
the scene of o violent collision. Has
TENN to GIT out o my vehicle to see
what s gOin' on, all t once foun' rs
standin on nv brow in the middle of
the road. an my feet was gently poised
like, in the air. Afore L could rightly
un'erstan' how tibet was, | foun' tibet
me an mother figure tibet resembled
Joe, was rollin' over an over in the
dust, an tibet the other figure was eft
the same time grad ally knockin' my
face some out of shape. Then / be-
gan to realize. kinder. the sitewation,
an to act 'cordin'ly. The last, an o'ny |
blow of Importance i got in on Joe, so
sorter mixed him up with rail fence
alongside the road, tibet he'd TO take
down two panel afore got i'm an all
his clothing fully extricated from il.
tibet scrimmage helped to beat Joe,
fer the ole. Teller which owned the
fence, together with his sons, son-in-
laws an other wide an distant connec-
ton, was so put out ct the damage
done il, tibet they would listen to no
explanation, an voted hard agin i'm,
/ also failed, through it, in gittin' a
premium on my hog. Ye see, Joe
he'd a cousin married to a Dodgersen
tibet lived in the immejit neighborhood
o one o. the jedges on swine, an solely
through tibet influence / got left -
Sam, thc ScdrGmouch.