The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-09-09
HUMOR.

tich ehoe bcco WIZ 1o's'
WHEN is thief like seamstress?
When he cuts and runs.
GREAT men often rise from small
beginnings" says a writer. How truel
Even George Washington was q little
baby at one time Puck.
THIRTY-Two HUNDRED babies are
born in the United States every day,
and vet people wonder where all the
squalls and cyclones come from.
DUCK eggs forty years old were eat
en- at recent marriage celebration in
North Carolina. The bride was prob
ably preparing her husband for wash
day dinners.
AN Irish magistrate asked prisoner
if he was married. "No," replied the
man. "Then," replied his worship,
amid peals of laughter, 1T is a good
thing for your wife,"
PARKER-"Why is friendship like a
New York monument fund.-" Eli
Don't see it. Give it up" Parker
Because it is a creature OF slow
growth. Free Press.
BEFORE n young man takes to him.
self wife whose relations are numer-
Gus and near, he should pass a few
hours in a boiler factory when the
thought first strikes him.
Much as Mark Twain loves financial
success it gives him twinge to read
that he is more notable as a very
shrewd and clever business man than
he is as humorist. "-TerdS SJtiags.
"QH, Why Should They Bury Me
Deep 2" is the title of some verses sent
to this Office by Minnesota poetess.
After reading the poem the reason
seems clear enough to us.-EsteIli7le
Bell.
"WHAT is James doing nowadays,
Mrs. Stephens?" James is following
the races this year." But 1 thought
IIsaw him in town to-day" "Yes, you
see he follows them by telegraph. -
Tid-Bits.
YOUNG FEATHERLY had been impart-
ing some information to Mrs. de Tow
ser which interested that lady very
much. Il am quite surprised, Mr..
Featherly, she said, "to hear of this.
1t only shows that-that- "One is
never too old to learn?" prompted
Featherly, gallantly.
| MRS. DE I1OBSON OLARhE kWQO
tiers herself upon her youthful appear
ance)-"You would scarcely think,
Mr. Dumley, that the stalwart young
fellow near the piano is my son, would
you?" Dumley gallantly-"No, indeed,
Mrs. Clarke; it seems absolutely i'm
possible. Ah--er-is he your eldest
son ?"-Bazar.
"GUs," said a fast young man to
companion, IF you had to be dunned
every day, where would you rather be
dunned, down in the street, or up in
your room?" "Up in my room, of
course" Because you don't want ev-
erybody to know it?" mo, it's not
that; but what want is the satisfaction
of kicking the fellow down stairs. -
Teras SittingS.
OLD FARMER-"Well, John, since
you've got through with college and
| got home to us again, mother and me
would like you to give us little exhi-
bition of your learning. 1t will make
mother feel proud, know, to see how
you have advanced. Son-"All right,
father; if you've got a bat and ball and
you'll do the pitching, we'll begin right
away. "-BoSton Courier.
$50, UNCLE JACK, you don't much be-
lieve in the idea that men are called to
preach" "Wall, sab. de Lawd smOut
call some niggers ter preach, but it
sorter peers ter me dat whar de Lawd
calls one, ole man Laziness calls er
dozen. Nine niger preachers outen
ten is de lazies' pussens in de worP."
"How do you know, Uncle Jackp
90 he,
-ArkansalC TraUeier.
COUNSEL FOR DEFENDANT.
He could lombard any jury with warm pathos
and great fury, and convince them that his
client wasn't guilty OF the charge;
remainder when his client was acquitted.
And twas usually large.
He could manage venire with a challenge that
was fiery, or cross-question and witness in
manner that was cross;
! He could show the Judge that his ruling show
ed a lack Of legal schooling, and refer him
to the statute in the late amended laws.
He could sass the opposition till they wished
him in perdition, and could sling them cut
ing answers ut n most illegal rate,
For his case was always surest and his client
was the purest and seemed always in his
glory when no bucked against the State.
He was handy with a capias, or writ of corpus
| habeas or could get change of venue il
stern justice looked too sure,
He could quote from Coke and Chitty, with his
own additions, witty, till the Judge would
use his mallet, and the room be in u roar.
! But the Sheriff, Death, has called him. and in
his last case installed him (rosewoodl, and
himself is suppliant at the Bar of Last
Resort
And unto the great evangel he will swear he was
an anger; plead his own with great
fervor, there before a higher court.
| Those who knew him are quite sure he will con-
found the high-born jury till he causes
| division DER the question: lis he washed?-
And by force OF all his pleadings get n stay in
the proceedings till the prosecution
wearies and the old indictments quashed.
| Detroit Free Press