Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-09-25
The Biggest Fool.

The superintendent of the Arkan-
sas Airline, while sitting in his Of
fee, suddenly became aware that he
was not alone. Looking around, he
beheld a smiling face and an out
stretched hand.
"This is Major Plumb, 1, believer"
said the visitor.
eyes, sir"
"Well, major, you do not know
me personally, but of course you
know me by reputation. l am j.
Harkney Bold, editor and proprietor
of the Pepperville Julep, the most
acknowledgement and most widely
circulated weekly paperin the State"
81 have never seen a copy of your
paper" the major replied.
"Why, my dear sir, / send you a
copy every week; but perhaps some
one slips in and steals it,"
~ don't know about that"
81 wish you would make inquiry,
major, as I don't want anyone to rob
you of the pleasure of reading my
journal"
"Thank you"
"Oh, not at all, / assure you. By
the way Igave you noticelast week.
Wish you had seen it. (Feeling in
his pockets.) Thought had a copy
with me, but 1 haven't. Fellers at
the hotel robbed me. Best notice
you ever saw. Called you the grand
high-priest of Southern railroads. 1t
will make other railroad men mad,
but I don't care for that. Blythe way,
major, I came to town on visit. My
wife and children wanted to come
with me, but the fact is, I haven't
the money to bring them. Now, I'll
tell you what I want you to do. Give
me a pass for FIVE from Pepperville
to this place and return, and when I
60 home I'll send you dozen copies
of my paper containing that notice."
The superintendent gazed at his
visitor, and feeling that he was un-
able n express his contempt, mock
ingly replied:
"It will give me great pleasure to
accommodate you. / recognize in
you a man of great worth, and shall
be delighted to serve you. l hope
that your trip will be enjoyable"
"Thank you, sir, thank you, kind
ly."
"By the way, have you selected a
place where you desire to.stop while
in town."
"No, sir"
"Well, then, suppose you and your
family 60 to the best hotel and put
up as my guests"
"Don't like to impose on YOU"
"No imposition I assure you. 1 aim
rich, and it does me good to assist my
friends. I'll write out the pass"
He scribbled with a pencil, folded
upa piece of paper, put it in an en-.
velope, sealed it, and, as he handed
it to the visitor, remarked:
"You needn't open this, but just
give it to the conductor. By the
way, let me write you an order or
the hotel"
Again he scrubbed on a piece O
paper and sealed it in an envelope
"Now, my dear sir, you are fixed
"Ten thousand thanks"
"Not at all, 1 assure you. Mus
you go? Well, good bye"
Mr.. Editor joyously descended thu
stairs. "I'll seewhat theseenvelope
contain" he unused.
The first note contained thest
words: "The bearer of this is thu
biggest fool / ever saw. Plumb
The other read: "Doard this fool a
long as he pays for it," This wa
also signed. The editor smiled, thel
going to hotel, he erased all but tn
signatures and substituted words o
his own. About three weeks later
while the major was looking owe
the conductors reports, he found
pass, signed by himself, which real
as follows:
"Pass the Hon. ]. Harkney Boil
and six, from Pepperville to this cit,
and return"
Then a bill collector entered. :"
don't owe your hotel cent" sal
the major when he looked at the bill
then the collector handed him tn
following order: "Please charge tn
board of the Hon. j. Harkney Boi
and family to me-. Plumb.
When the major had settled the bill
he turned to his desk and wrote tn
following: 81 am the biggest fool
ever saw"