Morning journal and courier., 1886-12-28
WASTE.

He-Don't you think it's great waste to spend money on cab fares, when walking is often so much more agreeable? She-Oh, yes-when it is.-Judy.
 "Young men believe in nothing nowa- days" says Mrs. Ramsbotham,. with deep sigh. s'Why, there's my nephew, Tom, who | was brought up as Christian, and now he's an acrostic. ."-Exchange. When the small boy reaches the dentists to have tooth removed, his toothache de- parts. Would that a woman's ache for 8 bonnet would fly as quickly and positively on reaching the modiste's.-Puek. "You don't like these modern composers, then, MT. Jones?' :sOh yes, some of lem: but draw the line st this feller Wag Wag er-ner. You see, I can't whistle tune he ever wrote, or do anything of his on the banjo" "That is rather drawback to his music, admit. ."-Harper's Bazar. Sympathy for the Bulgarians-ssThe Bull garians want king very bad, but somehow or other they can't get one," said 8 member of the Texas legislature to friend. "I can sympathize with the Bulgarians. I once lest several thousand dollars by not being able to get king when I needed one. ."-Tex- as Siftings.
 The Philadelphia Press says that 'sChicago seems to be under the impression that the 'Acharnians' is a sort ot varisty burlesque, with ballet and song dance team" If such an impression prevails in Chicago, it has grown out ot the announcement that the ssAcharnianss made hit in Philadelphia Chicago News.
 Barber-s'Sir, you're getting bald rapidly. I have a most excellent remedy" "Neyer mind; I'm just yearning to be entirely bald" 'tEh? Why that's remarkable desire. h. deed" 'sNo, it isn't. I've got terribly wicked son. and I'm determined that he shan't bring my gray hairs in sorrow to the grave" e."-Pniladelphi Call.
 Brown-"What man Smith is for driving a sharp bargainl" Fogg-"True; he reminds of fellow once knew who swapped off killed him, poor fellow; but inst before he drew his last breath he heard to chuekle over the big trade he had made. I don't think ever saw a happier death in all my experience.-Boston Transcript.
 "What's the speed of that horsea' was asked of an old colored man who was lead ing sad, looking equine iato blacksmith that it should make any difference which way he's headed.' "Dat's kase you doan' own him, sah. His speed when he's gwine home just keeps 8 stop-watch bobbin' all over, but when he's comin' away fum de ban you kin kotch his time by 8 terbacker box" Detroit Free Press.
 Latest German Jokes-Q) Baroness (to tue cOohJ 0O anu Sot soLno ico, Du9 ddo- ural ice, not artificial, for I want it very cold" @ John, who has just broken a costly vase-"Ah, how fortunate there was nothing in it." (39 Mamma, that must be the COW that gives the sour milk. See what face she makes" (4.) Two students ring 8 hated professors bell at midnight. He puts his head out of the window and wants to know what's up. t'One of your windows is wide open" ''Where?" exclaims the startled professor. 'tThe one you are looking out of."-Fliegende Blatter.
 The Italian peddler had retired for tha night, when there sounded heavy knock at the door.
 s'Who-a there?" he demanded.
 s'Im the man you sold pint of chestnuts to this afternoon
 'sWell, what a you wants'
 t'I have come to return sound chestnut to you. It was the only good one in the lot, and as I'm an honest man, and you probably put it in by mistake, rve brought it back to yon. ."-Chicago Ledger.
 = And the maiden shrieked in terror
 Iris the fierce and dread cyclone;
 can hear it's dreadful mlItter
 Ana it's weird, wild, woful tone!"
 But the youth though pale. was fearless;
 And he said, "Oh, bear thy pain;
 'Ts the village band who practice
 When the RobiCs Nest Again"
 Musical Herald.