The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-02-11
manitomof pilot.
WIT AND HUNIOR.

yer. DIS heah bucket am de sun, and
| my head am de yarf. De bucket, when
hit goes round and round, sheds light
on de inhabitants oh my head. Does
| yer onderstan'?
First City Man-.But you don't mean
| to tell me you're secretary of all the
| companies?" Second ditto-'Indeed l
| do, my dear fellow, and they are genuine
companies. Why, bless your soul, sir!
some of 'em pay dividends. London
| Punch.
Mr.. Newrich (doubtfully)-"Jane,
dear, what is this they say in the papers
| about us? Parvenu? What does it
mean?" Mrs. Newrich (composedly)
"Some compliment to our standing in
| sassiety, dear; l don't know many of
| those Italianish phrases
"Have you got the ring?" inquired
! the minister of the young man when
they got to that part of the ceremony.
| Gosh, if l haven't forgotten it! Tell
| you, parson, don't know what we're go
ing to do unless you use my hitching
| strap. It's out in the buggy. Guess
you can tie US with that, can't you?'
Citizen Ito country editor)-"Y
| fine obituary notice of poor Brown was
surprise to me, Shears / thought
] that you and he were bitter enemies?"
| Country editor with sigh)-"Ah, yes.
we were enemies for number of years,
| but in the face of death, my dear friend,
| the heart softens. And, besides, l got
! 10 cents a line for the notice. IN Y
| Times.
| The athleticism of these times is not
| always conducive to the smooth run
ming of the household Il must hurry
| home" said Mrs. De Peyster to Mrs. De
| has been riding his bicycle again"
Indeed, and did he break his recordp"
80, no; but he broke his other leg. He
has only one whole limb now, and that
is the middle finger of his left hand. y
Hartford Post.
A recent lesson in the Sabbath-school
was on the death of Elisha, and when
one of the scholars came to the clause,
''they buried him." the teacher asked:
| Why did they not cremate himp Do
you think there is any encouragement
| in the Bible for cremation?' mo en-
couragement whatever was the reply.
''They tried it on the three that were
cast into the fiery furnace, and didn't
make it work. "-Harper's Bazaar.
We close with the trust that when the
| corroding tooth of time shall harrow us
no more and the tangling perplexities
| of life shall no longer harass the soul,
when we all shall gather ourselves to-
gether and surrender to the black BAL
ner of death, may the comfort of life
| well spent and the consciousness of
duty performed usher us into grander
realities, where the refrain of angels is
| hushed in the song of eternity.-Eylijdy
| (Ga.) Courier's NeU Editors Sdtalta-
tory.
| A prominent clergyman, who was a
mechanic before he conquered an edu-
cation for the pulpit, met an old work
man lately who was still employed in
the shop. ''How do you do, Patrick?
Don't you remember mep" said the
clergyman. 81 used to work with you
years ago." 80, an sure l remember
you well, an it's right glad am to see
you," replied Patrick with hearty
shake of the hand-then adding with a
| sudden thought, Il hear you've found a
| soft job now"
Gentleman-"How are matters pro-
crossing in the church, Uncle Rastus,
flourishing?" Uncle Rastus-s1 hahn t
preachin' da no mo-, sir" Gentleman
-"Why, what's the troublep" Uncle
Rastus Hits all OWN ter de drouth,
sah" Gentleman - 1.-The drouth?''
| Uncle Rastus-''Yes, sab. Yo' sees, l
prayed fo' rain fo' foah Sundays in con-
cesshun, sab, an da didn't no rain
come, an so de membahs OBJ de congre-
gashun axed fo' my resignashun on de
grouns of disincability. "-Harper' S
Bazar.
Bogus wild turkeys have been de-
tected ip the New York market. There
are people who, for capricious reasons,
prefer wild to tame turkeys for the
table. 1t is this class that is being i'm.
posed upon, it having been demon,
strated that they don't know the differ
ence between a barn-yard gobbler and
a feathered monarch of a wildwood
flock, if only they can find bullet-hole
in the bird. An expert distinguishes
wild from tame fowl, not by the bullet.
hole, but by the shape of the head and
bill and the color of the meat.
''Well, we are penniless, or mighty
near it, he said, as he reached home
and threw the evening paper to his
wife. "Wh-what is itp'' The Me.
chanics' Bank has busted, and we had
$4,000 on deposit there" ''But, Rich
ard" she said, after glancing at the
article, 'the President says he hopes to
pay all depositors in full" land
didn't say the same thing to my cred.
| itrr-c xrybor fo,1al -,
ness, and did single one of them re.
ceive five cents ON the dollarpn he
howled.-WaU Street NeWs.
| One of the boarders in private
boarding house in this city, not over
prompt in paying board bills, grumb.
ingly observed, morning or two ago
in the hearing of the boarding missus, -
This coffee isn't settled" Il guess il
will be settled before your board bill is
settled" she quickly retorted. This was
a settler he little expected. 1t set little
ripple of laughter in motion round the
table, and. when it settled, the peace
maker Of the house observed that there
were probably grounds for complaint
on both sides, which settled the matter
and harmony resumed her reign
Boston Courier.
|
Smith, never was more surprised
in my life than Twas last night" Jones
Indeed! What was the cause?" S
AS was passing along the street
two ladies came to the door of house
one evidently the hostess, as she had
only shawl wrapped around her head
the other a visitor. As they reached
the bottom of the steps the visitor said
We'll, I've had very pleasant time
Goodnight, Mary and the other said
Goodnight, Mehitable.' and they
parted" J.-"What, without another
wordP" S.-"Without another word ,
III m! / guess they were men in
women's clothes. Boston Courier.
Let no man hereafter accuse the Enc
lish people of being whit inferior in
politeness to the French or any Other
nation. 4 murderer was hanged in
/ II