Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1886-02-19
THE PorEEE smUGeLER,s WIFE.
Clever Method of Getting TO lIarc..s
With the Products of an
Illicit DIsfiliery.

AiAANht AasaAAacN9s
A man who was known to have a large
mountain farm and extensive homestead
in the hills was observed very frequently
TO ride into the town of b; and he
never made his appearance without u
woman, supposed TO be his wife, jogging
steadily and uprightly on pilliOn behind
. him. He was tall and gaumt in look; she
large and rotund, and encountered, as is
the mode of all country wives, with n
multitude OF petticoats. They always
rode into The yard of a man who kept a
public-house, and before they alighted off
their horse the gate was carefully shut.
1t was known, moreover, that this publ
TAN acted as factor for this farmer in the
sale of his butter; and SO far as length of
time things went ON in quiet and easy
way, until one day it so happened (as
indeed it is very common for idlers in q
very idle country town to stand making
remarks on the people as they came by
that the gauger, the innkeeper, and u
squircen were lounging away their day,
when the farmer slowly paced 10y, with
his everlasting wife behind him.
"WeM" says the squirecn, ''of all the
women l ever saw humping on a pillion,
that lump of Il woman sits the awk-
wardest. She don't sit like a natural
born crathur at all And do you see how
modest she is? What with her tapped
down beaver hat, and all the frills and
fallals about her, not an inch of her sweet
face is to he seen--HO more than an owl
from out the ivy. l have great mind to
run up alongside of her, and give her u
pinch in the toe, to make old buckram
look about her for once"
Accordingly no sooner said than
Gone. He ran over to where the farmer
was getting on slowly through the market
crowd, and on the side of the pillion to
which the woman's back was turned, at
tempted to give a sly pinch but he
might rs well have pinch0d pitcher. Nor
cid the woman even lift up her head, or
ask" ''Who is it that's hurting me ~
This cmboldcned him to give another
knock with his knnckles: and this assault
he found not opposed, rs it should be by
pctticoats and flesh, but by what he felt
to he petticoats and metal.
"This is queer" said the squireen
He now was more bold, and with the butt
end of his walkingstick he hit what
was so hard bang which sounded as if
he had struck a tin pot.
'sStop here, honest man." cried the gau-
ger
'Let my wife alone will you, before the
people"' cried the farmer
mot till we see what this honest woman
is made Of" roared the gauger.
SO lie pulled and the farmer dug his
heels into his colt to get on but all would
lot do. In the struggle, down came the
wife into the street; and as she fell on the
pavement, the whole street rang with the
squash, and in moment there Was Il gurg-
ling as from burst barrel, and u strong
smelling water came flowing Ill about,
and fat poor Norah lay, there being an
eruption of all her intestincs, which
flowed down the gutter as like potecn
whisky as eggs are like eggs. The fact
was that our friend from the land of
Joyce had got made by some tinker tin
vessel with head and body the shape of
u woman, and dressed it out as proper
country dame. In this way he carried
his darlint behind him, and made much
Of her