The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-10-16
WIT AND WISDOM.

At house in Ohio where minister was board
ing, the servant girl was anxious to anticipate
everything in her work that anyone wanted her to
do. She had always lust done it, or was "iuSt
doing it" when any order was gwen This amused
the young divine greatly, and on one occasion he
tholghtto n9nplus the girl by a ruse. II don't
think Eliza has washed my Bible since have
been here" he said to the mistress in a low tone
but designed to be overheard by the girl. A few
preSence OF the clergyman, eliza, have YOU
washed Mr. Blanks BibleP" mo, ma'am. but
I've got it asoak.' '
In mining districts Salvation Oil is regarded as
AN indispensable necessity
Life is but short, and we should do all we can
to prolong it. Check cough or cold at once by
using the old reliable remedy, DIR. Bulls Cough
Syrup.
,Apropos Of the colored porter on the New York
esieVated railway who drinks kerosene by the cup
1ul, a friend suggests that he be fitted with
WICK and utilized as dark lantern.
Try Carter's Little Nerve Pills for any case of
nervousness. sleeplessness, weak stomach, indi-
gestion, dyspepsia &C., relief is sure The only
nerve medicine for the price in market. In walls
at 20 cents.
"Well, Coupon, understand you are getting up
hurlesque show to take out on the road"
>SYes, am. It'll be a great company too"
''MuSt take considerable mathematical ability
to run burlesque show, doesn'tit2n
why no; none in particular What made you
"Oh, l thought it was matter of figures, you
know"
If you are tired taking the large oldfashioned
gripping pills. try Carters Little Liver Pills and
take some comfort A man can't stand every
thing. One pill DOSE
tgIIoxv doaS If bannan thara ora On MANY old
maids among the school teachers?" asked a re-
porter of a school teacher the other day.
Because school teachers are, as a rule, women
OF sense, and no woman will give up $50 posi-
tioR for $40 man. was the reply,
Health of woman is the hope of the race. Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound is to be had
at the nearest drug store for dollar.
More than half century ago good New
Hampshire deacon, by the name of Day, living
not lar from the White Mountains, had seven
children-six daughters and one son. They were
known as his six week Days and one son Day.
Don't forget to ask your neighbor who is using
Vegetine, what he thinks of it,
Bobby precious youth of six summers, had
been indulging in profanity; and IN order 10 es,
cape the punishment for which his mother had
made preparations, he crawled under barn and
remained there in state Of siege the greater part
of an afternoon. When his father returned at
night and learned how matters stood he made his
way, with much difficulty, under the barn in
"Hello, pa" said Bobby cheerfully, as his sire
approached, you been swearing too?'
Vegetme has cured so many cases of scrofula
and blood humors that its value is unquestioned
The best family cathartic medicine is DR.. Soule's
Pills. They are perfect.
"The tendency to do wrong increases toward
nigh night" says well known clergyman. think
this is very likely to be true, for when Adam ate
the forbidden fruit it was near Eve.
Any lady can obtain Mrs. Lydia E. Pinkham's
pamphlet, "Guide to HEALTH" by sending stamp
to Lynn, Mass, also photograph of Mrs. Pink
ham.
Little Charey-Papa, will you buy me a drum2
Fond father-Ah! but my boy, you will disturb
Chariey-O, no, papa won't drum except
when you're asleep.
The breath OF a chronic catarrh patient is
often so offensive that he cannot go into society
and he becomes an object of disgust. After
time liberation sets in, the spongy bones are at
tackled, ana frequently, entirely destroyed. A
constant source of discomfort is the dripping of
the puralent secretions into the throat sometimes
producing inveterate bronchitis, which in its turn
has been the exciting cause of pulmonary disease.
The brilliant results which have attended its use
for years past properly designate Ely's Cream
Balm as by far the best if not the only real cure
for hay fever, rose cold and catarrh.
Mrs. Bagley--Aurelia, what is that book you are
so tEtenty studying?
Aurelia-Its a geography, ma.
Mrs. B.-You are looking for Boston, no doubt.
Aurelia-No, am looking Tor the map Of Can
ada. Since am to marry George Hopskip, the
banker. must make myself acquainted with our
future home.