Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-12-18
IN My LAST Hours,
ny JAMES FRANKLIN Fits.

ny JAMES FRANKLIN Fits.
| NoTE BY THE AUTHoR.-At seven o'clock of o
July morning, the eminent physician and sur
| geon, DIR. N, discovered dead in his
chair beside his library table. small vial was
-prussc acid manuscript in his handwrit-
ing before him fully explained the motive Of
the act.
The musical voice Of the chamber clock
tells Inc that the hour is four in the morn
ing. A slight breeze stirs the foliage of
the great elms before the house; the faint
plaSh of the fountain reaches my ear; the
earliest sparrow is timidly twittering under
the cave; the world is still happy in SUM
Der. For me, this night has brought neither
rest nor sleep. Seven long hours have
passed since Lillian and her babe kissed
me goodnight, and Gods guardian angels
received them into that blessed slumber
that is denied me. The stoke of each
been absol,. ,ely sleepless. What my
thoughts have been, it is simply hideous to
remember. Nights such as this have be.
come common to me- of late. My profess
sional skill teaches me but too well that,
with this brain torment, the tendency to
sleeplessness must steadily increase.
Several times have resorted to opium for
the delusive relief that it gives; and the
habit is growing on me. How will it all
end? Shall mine be the deferred, but GER
tain, suicide that the drug will bring-c1
are my sutielinGs to be ended by sharper
and speedler means?
l softly unclose the blinds that the dear
sleepers may not be wakened, and see that
the morning is reddening in the east. The
long day is before me, with its trying
I ole c1,
this haunting specter from the world; when
l must disguise my very being-must
smile, and talk, and visit my patients with
all the ease and composure becoming to
the popular, successful and wealthy phys
lclan; and must read in mems ewes that
they envy me. Envy!-God forgive them.
All that l have, all that 1 am, would l
freely give in exchange for the condition
of the meanest laborer in the town, could
the past be blotted ont.
And there sleep Lillian and the child,
unconscious now, as when awake, of the
canker-spot in my life. Here, before me.
is the fairest picture in world of sin-a
sleeping mother and her child. Tears fill
my eyes as | gaze ON their dear, beautiful
faces. The fortunes that rend my soul as |
think of the misery to which have doomed
them, with myself, are unutterable. From
the lowest depths of that lost soul my
frenzied cry goes up to merciful God for
plty-for rest-for hope!
Such things as vanity and pride are not
left to me, and | speak the simple truth
when l say that positive genius was born
with me. l was given the capacity to do
great things. Eminent examples prove
abundantly that talent is often precocious;
it was SO with me. When others crept l
ran; | scared where they climbed. At
twenty l graduated, bearing off all the
honors that the college had to give. In
five years more the schools of medicine and
surgery were filled with the fame of the
young professor who had made the grand
healing and saving art second nature
My knowledge of all its branches was &C
counted simply marvellous. Nothing in
all its science seemed difficult or abstruse
to me. Not only did l lecture and illus
trate to the establishment and admiration
OF the graybeards of the faculty, but mine
was the skilled, confident hand, mine the
quick eye, the ready perception, tho abso-
Lutte knowledge of what might be done and
what must not be attempted, that We're
most often called for in the capital opera
tons at the hospital. My own interest
and the great good to be accomplished de-
manded that l should steadily pursue the
path upon which had entered. My heart
was i'll the work; both lame and money
were within my easy grasp; nothing i'm
peratively called me elsewhere. Why |
threw up my chair at the university and
came to this city to settle down to the ordi-
nary routine of practice, is q question to
which can give no answer. Not impul-
sive by nature, in this important instance
l obeyed an impulse. Learned rs | am in
m al r., l.
sion, | know nothing of METAPHYSICS
Who does know aught of his own mind?
Who can give reason or object for dozen
OF the most momentous acts of his life?
After all apparent motives are examined,
1t will be found that indefina BILE impulse
swayed the act.
My fame had reached as far as this city,
and its best practice and first society were
not long withheld from me. Among the
first families that visited professionally
was that of which Lillian was the pride and
ornament. The ways of the heart are
mysterious, and past finding out. The
passion of love, the condition of marriage,
were things that l had thoughtfully, but
positively, prohibited to myself. ] had
decided that l had great mission in the
world, which would be hampered and
dwarfed by domestic ties. What fools we
mortals bel Lillian appeared to me, and
instantly all these prudent resolves were
thrown to the winds. l loved her at first
slght-as | have ever since, and do now,
and ever shall, in this world and the next
To make her in due time my wife became
the fixed and settled purpose of my being.
Strong as my mind was known to me to be,
L believe that / had never suspected the
sturdy will-powert that this passion instantly
aroused in me. | would have her; she
should be mine; if anything came between
us it should be trampled down and crushed
to powder. This was my resolution, long
before any suspicion of rival visited me.
At first, everything promised we'll for the
success of my suit. l frankly informed
Lilian's parents of my wishes; they were
battered and gratified by my preference,
and promptly gave me their consent to WOO
their child. That should presently sue
coed did not permit myself to doubt.
True, that was ten years her elder, was
grave and thoughtful of aspect, with face
already as scanned and wrinkled as the