Crawford avalanche., 1886-12-30
HUMOR.

To BE an effcctual party whip, q man
must have some snap to him.
THERE is always crewel work to be
done, and dainty fingers delight in do
ing it.
The child is born. A golden spoon
Was ordered for the natal day,
But then he cries like other kids,
It'd Bits. S. - : '''''''''''' ''A' WY
Brown--Did you enjoy yourself while
you were away? Green-You bet
Didn't see blessed bill collector the
whole time. boston Courier.
II DON'T know anything about Theos-
ophists," said John Sullivan, slapping
his hand upon the table, "but there's q
fist that. bet, can knock the spots out
OF all your Theosophists. BOSTON
Courier.
JONES'" remarked Mr.. Snodgrass,
drinks like fish," "Oh, pshawl" re-
turned Jarvey, she never touched
drop OF liquor in his life." ooh, in
deed" returned Mr.. Snodgrass dryly.
sDn fiah tonch liquor 2n
Mrs. JoNEs-"You won't be lone
some, dear, while Pm away, with no
one to play the piano for you?" Jones
"a brute)-"Oh, no, guess not. I un-
derstand the new boiler shop across
the way is about to run day and night.
"DoEs she call that playing?" in
quired Jones, as Mrs. Jenkyns assailed
the piano keys. "Yes, of course she
does" swell, it's what I'd call real
hard work. Do the people like it?"
"Weu, they try to, my boy; that's
where the hard work comes in"
"WHERE have you been all morning?"
inquired a merchant of one of his
travelling men. "Been down to the
corner shaking for the cigars with my
brother" "Oh. Who got stuck ?" @I
did every time. never before realized
the force of the expression, 'sticketh
like brother"
JENKINS, what is the meaning of the
word ichor' that / understand Miss
Cleveland makes use OFF" asked an
elderly citizen the other day. "Why,
according b0 the -'1iots~-~~-y, - ---~--s-
thin, watery humor.'" "Um. What
was she writing about when she used
it?" Dunno. Some modern funny
man, or other, reckon"
"YoU have insulted me, sir, and I
demand an apology" angrily said one
politician to another. "How?" inquired
the other. "You said was liar, SIR"
"Oh, did II" "Yes, sir, you did, and
l want an opology. "Well, you can
have it. I'll take it back. I don't
know whether you are liar or not"
Thanks. Come have something. -
Washington Critic.
"THIs man sneaked up to my door
and stole my barometer, officer" "Ba-
rometer-phwat's that, sah?" at tells
the weather, you see; if there's q low
barometric depression, the instrument
records the mean temperature-"
"Mane temperature, is it? Och, an
thin the thafo was joostified in stating
climate. The temperature has been
name enough to make a harness maker
lave traces of his work behind him.
Ha! Chicago Ledger.
ENGLISH AS SHE IS WROTE.
The teacher, lesson he taught:
The preacher, sermon he praught;
The stealer, he stole:
The healer, he hole;
And the screecher he awfully scraught
The long-winded speaker, he spoke;
The poor ottce-seeker, he soke;
The runner, he ran;
The dunner, he dan;
And the shrieker IN ost horribly shroke
The flyer to Canada few
The buyer, ON credit he bew;
The doer, he did
The suer he sid
And the liar Ia hsherman) lew.
The writer, this nonsense he wrote;
The fighter ian EDITOR fote;
The swimmer he swami
The skinner, he skam;
And the bitter was hungry and bote,
H. Q. Dodge, IN Detroit Free Press.