davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03

Woman Is not much of philoso-
pher, but she is proverbially clothes
observer.
An artists cherub is a good deal
like clearinghouse turhey-all head
and wings.
Teacher of Bible class-"In what
book of the Bible is the expression
found, "All flesh is grass9" Student
Timothy"
In olden times they used to punish
a man for lying by boring hole through
his tongue. In modern times they quit
it, because a mans tongue would not
last more than six weeks, if hole was
put in for every lie he told.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03
Very Remarkable Recovery.

Mr.. Geo. V. Willing, of Manchester,
Mich, writes: "NIy wife has been al.
most helpless for FIVE years, so helpless
that she could not turn over in bed alone.
She used two bottles of Electric Bitters,
and is so much improved, that she is
able now to do her ownwork."
Electric bitters will do all that is
claimed for them. Hundreds of testi-
monials attest their great curative
powers. Only fifty cents bottle by T.
d. Thomas.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03
No Pate nt-No Pay,
PATENTS

obtained for Inventors in the United g. ties
Canada and Europe. at reduced rstes Ni!h
our principal Office located In WashineI"n,
directly opposite the United States ,nI.nt
Ofice, we are able to attend to all ls' ni
business with greater promptness shL ds
Snatch and at less cost than other psIrpA II,
torneYs who are at o distance from srh.
ington. and who have. therefore, to e'nrloy
associate attorneys" We make prelli. ina J
examinations and furnish opinions n. 10 ~
tentabllity, free OF charge, and all WI. are
Interested in new Inventions and Hatcnls Hre
invited to send for copy OF our 'tiufilt for
obtaining Patents" which is sent ire Z
any address, and contains comrlete ms uc
tions how to obtain patents and other vrlnt.
bic matter. We refer to the German Af,,r.
lean National Bank Washington, u. Z. tns
Royal swedish. Norwegian and Dani@i T. va
tions, at Washington; Hon. los. Casey ia'e
Chief Justice u. s. Court Of Claims: H. TIE
Ohlcials Of the u. ) Patent Office, az "a
Senators and Members OF Congress tfcIs
every Stnte.
Address: LOUIS BAGGER& CO.. -
liciturs of Patents and AttorneysatIhs J., ,
Drolt Building WAssING1oN. ID. q.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03

"A lady of charitable disposition
asked tramp if she could not assist him
by mending his clothes? eyes, ,maiam."
he said, II have button, and if you
will sew a shirt on it will be greatly
obliged"
Mrs. Bunker (of Boston)-"I think
Miss Waldo was the most perfectly
dressed lady in the room" Mrs. Emer.
son-"She has exquisite taste. Did she
wear jewelry?" Mrs. Bunker-"Spec
tacles only
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03
Tonight and To- M orrow Night

and each day and night during the week,
you can find at Diery's, Weisscort, and
Thomas, Lehighton, Kemp's Suppose
tories acknowledged to be the most sue
cessful treatment yet introduced for the
cure of piles, Ola sufferers from this
distressing complaint are at once re-
lieved and in short time permanent
cure established. Check the disease in
time by using the most effective remedy.
Price SOC. Send address for pamphlet
on pills. Box 295, lie Roy, n. Y. COW
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03
DR.. Frazlers 8 Root Bitters.

Frazier's Root Bittcrs are not dram
shop beverage. But are strictly meai-
cinal in every sense. They act strongly
upon the liver and kidneys, keep the
bowels open and regular, cleanse the
blood ami system of every impurity.
Sold by druggists, Sl.0J. AT Thomas
drug store.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03
SCrofuIa

Is one Of the most fatal scourges whiGh
afflict mankind. 1t is often inherited,
but may be the result Of improper vacci-
nation, mercurial poison, uncleanliness,
and various other causes. Chrome Sores,
Ulcers, Assesses, Cancerous IIumors,
and, in some cases, Emacintiop an,tCon4
sumption, result from serofulous condl
tion of tho blood. This disease, can be
cured by the use of Ayers Sarsaparilla.
INHERITED ascrofulous condition OF The
blood, which caused arrangement vi my
whole system. After taking less than
four bottles of Ayers Sarsaparilla GIN
Entirely Cured
and, for the past year, have not found II
necessary TO use any medicine whatever.
1 am now in better health, and stronger,
than eyer before.-O. A. Willard, 219
fremont St, Boston, Mass.
I was troubled with Scrofulous Sores
for five years; but, after using a few
bottles of Ayers Sarsaparilla, the sores
healed, and | have now good health. -.
Elizabeth Warnock, "a Appleton street,
Lowell, Mass.
Some months ago I was troubled with
Scrofulous Sores on my leg The hmh
was badly swollen and inflained. and the
sores discharged large quantities of ofTen-
sive matter. Every remedy failed until
l used Ayers Sarsaparilla. Hv ta';in9
three bottles OF this medicine the sores
have been healed, and my health ~ re-.
stored. am grateful for the good 1t laS
done me. - Mrs. Ann O'Brian, 159 SullI.
van ST., New York.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03

A Brooklyn woman is keeping in a
book list of things she ought to pur-
chase, but cannot afford to wear She
calls the book her ought-to-buy -ography.
A Chicago man made his wife a
nice New Years present this time. He
had all her divorces elegantly bound in
red morocco, with an illuminated title
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03
Bucklen's Arnica Salye

The best salve in the world for cuts,
bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rhuem, fever
sores. letter. chappcd hands, 'chilblands,
,orns, AMI all skin eruptions, and posi-
Cively cures piles, or 10 pay required.
1t is guaranteed to give perfect satisfac.
ton, or money refun led. Price 25 cents
per box, at +. ID. Thomas.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03
Dr.. Frazer,s Magic Ointment.

A sure cure for all bOils. burns, sores
cuts, flesh wounds, sore nipple, hare
and soft corns, chapped lips and hands
Price 80 cents. Sold by druggists, vii
liams Mfg. Co., Props, Cleveland
o. Sold by Thomas, the druggist.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03

"A man never loses anything by
politeness." At all events, there are a
great many men who never do or never
intend to.
The shortest route to a mans heart
is said to be through his stomach. In
that case good cook book is the most
reliable marriage-guide.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03

The custom of kissing babies is
being justly censurcd these days. Ii is
cowarlly TO kiss the poor helpless
things. We'd rather take somebody oul
size.
Pat, what time is it?'t "Oi don't
know, Mike. but let's guess at it, and
hin, begorra, the man who comes
fartherest off can go to the kitchen and
look"
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03

h|7OLlNTON BRETNEY, ,fashloua ble
gZ5 BOoT aud SHOE MAKER, Bank 81.
LehiEhton, All work WRITHsted.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-03
Ayers S SarsapariIIa,

Prepared by Dr. J. C. Aver & Co., Lowel! Mass.
Sold by oil Druggists. Prsse 81; eix bo,1ies, 50.
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1886-1893, 1886-06-03

sekretarz n%arodowej Rady koope-
racyjnej, brat takze udziaf W spe-
cyalnych obradach %zjazdu.
Zdanie swoje objaw,t McGaughey
zarzedowi Zwiazku w ten sposob:
,,Wszyscy rozsadni reformutoro-
vie organizacyi robotnik6w przy-
sill do wniosku, ie celem kazdei
rcformy must bye, zrubiG z robo-
tnik6w kapitalistow. Starry senator
Thurman z Ohio powicdziaf, &c
robotnicy musza sic STAG w1asno-
scia, jezeli ME zostana w}ascicie-
lami kapitalistow. N~aj'epszy jc-
dnak i naipewniejszy sposob zato-
Acnia kapitafu. jest zakupiG grunt,
ably 60 ws@6luio uprawiac. Orga-
nizacya TAXA, jaI6 Ryccrzy Piracy,
ME moze uzyc swego fLnduszu
kooperatywnego lepiej, jak zaku-
pujac grunta, DO r6inic,wo Jest
podstawa narodowego dubrobytu i
~trzebaby je wszelkiem; srodkami
popierac.
nPrzez ~za1ozenie kolon;j rolni-
czych wielka liczba robotnlkow,
ktorzy teraz W mia,tach ma promo
szukaja roboty, zmalaziuby zdrowe,
acknowledges utrzymanie. Jezcli
uzy.jemy maszego tunduszu strajko
wcgo jako t'unduszu kooperacyjncgo
nj zakupno wiclkich obszarow
ziemi i wszystkim tym naszym to-
warzyszom, ktorzy ma.ia %skfonnosc
do zycia ,olnjczego, dopomo4emy
do osiedlenia sic, to nictylko ustapi
przeludnienie w naszych wiclkich
miastach, lecz staniemy sic takzo
coraz mniej zaleinymi Cd chwlej-
nosci i przesilch zycia przemysfo-
wego. Dajcie nam ziemi ma
powr6t oddamy wan ,,owocc kraiu'
w formie zdrowych robotnikow
rdlnych 2 zdolnemi do piracy czion-
kami, kt6rzy, daleko cd dener-
~wujacych rozkoszy i ~wstrzasnieh
wIelkich grodow, wzrasta6 beda w
swleSem powietrzu &ycia wiejskie-
go ma niczaIcanych obywatcli i
inteligentnych wyborcow."
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1886-1893, 1886-06-03
Sprawy ZWfazku Kycerzy
Dracy.

o czem radzono ma zjezdzie
Rycerzy Piracy W Cleveland, w
dniu 25 maja, to dotad me wiad9.
mo, gdyz obrady odbywafy sic
pota jennie.
Jak juz wspomniano W pre-
sz}ym numerze, liczba czlonkow
Zwiazku 2 powodu olbrzymiego
przyrostu procy musi bye powie-
kszona. w drugicj pofowie kwie-
tnia utworzyio sic $50 nowych
grup, talk il ogolna liczha tychze
wynosi przeszlo 1000. Generality
sekretarz ma 25 romocnikow, W
tel liczbie ; %dziewczat, ktore "a
iete So ,jedynie o%twieraniem listow.
AZ do n~iedawnego czasn nadcho-
ditto pod adrescm Powde'lycgo CO.
dziennie w przecieciu 800 listow,
lecz liczba ich tcraz o .jedna plata
sic p~owiekszyia, sk@ro P~owdcrly
W oko!niku wypro,it sobio wszcl-
kicI, nicpotlz4bnych zapytah.
Starry veteran w luchu robo-
tnikow i szczery przyjaciel p. Pow
d~ell,eGo donosi, &owkrGtce ~poczynio
ne zo-tana kruki ku u@tworzcniu
g'dwnej kwatcry dIa za'zadu
,.Knishta Of Labor W miaetecz<u
mu'cm, lecz o%patrzonem W dosta-
teczny aoparat kolejowy teIes'a-
hczny. Juk sfychac: sprawl Ia
przyjdzie pod srccya!ne obr"dy ma
z~wvczajncm posiedzenlu w Rich
mond, Vr., i ME Jest rzccza ME
prawdopodobna, il Ia TAXA Nto,ire
v]yuicsione zostanic cIche mlaStc-
czko York W Pennsylvania, gdzie
natrc.ni reporterzy wlclklch
stolic lyle ME beda przcsz&adzali
zarzadoyi, co dotad.
w st. Louis ro%botnIcy pra-
cujscy PREY mcb'a'h w%zbraniali sic
zamiast osmiogodzinne.j piracy, kto-
ra fabrykanci zaprowadzlll ma pro-
be, napowr6t przyjaG d. csiecjo go.
dzinna. WszystISie fablyki potem
zamknirlo, w-kutck czcgo przeszlo
1000 ST. larry pozost"to bez piracy
S.olarze o~swiadczyIi, ze tylNo wte-
dy przy1woia ma dziesrci"godzino"
prsee, 4 Ii plaza i'm zo-tan''
podwyz,zona, a na to i1brN Nanci
ME chca sc zgodzlc.
= John p. McGan2hcy, m'str2
Ryccrzy pracy NJ n~nesocle
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1886-1893, 1886-06-03

5000, W szwajcaryi $4,000, we
Francyi 5000, w.Apglii $4,000 =
razom $4,000.
w Stanach Zjednoczonych pc.
dug jego zdania liczy Nowy York
$4,000, Chicago 5000, Milwaukee
700, Pittsburgh $50, Philadelphia
$50, Cincinnati 200, St. Louis $50
i Buffalo 100 = razem 81 $3.50.
Jezcli sic do tego d%oliczy anar-
chistow, mieszkajacych W mniej
szych, ME wymienionych tutaj
rahstwach i m~iastaeh, to moinaby
szacowac ogolna ich liczbe w
Europjc ma $4,000 w Ameryce
ma $4,000. Najzapalczywszymi i
naidzikszymi anarchistami sa ida
MEM Merowa Rosyanie, Polacy,
C1osi i Wcgrzy; na.jnicbezpiecznjej-
szymi zas stana sic anarchisci W
Anglii po smierci kroIowcj Wikto-
ryi, DO postanowili oni k~orzystac
z wstapienia MI iron ksiccia Wa
lii jako sygnaiu Ola wybuchu ME
pokojow i walk Anglii.
Ljczba anarchis.ow w Stanach
Zjcdnoczonych oczywiscie bardzo
jest p%rzcsadzona, lccz ~pomin4wszy
to, Mczcrow sam ME wicle solie
objccuj e z tutej-zych anarchistow
i %prorokujc ich upadck. Otto co O
Mich pisze:
,,Zalkon ME robi zbyt szybkich
postep6w, zdaie sic mi. u W tym
krAju jest on ma rychfa smicrt
skazany. Me masz rozsqal1ego po
aoodu, aby anarchi=m dozna~a
p%owodzenia w hroju, gdzie istniej'
molno$t momy, woL1om prasy po-
nszechne proaoo do giosomanaa. a
narchibci w Chicago sa "a ciemni
ably pojac dobrodziejstwa, ktorycl
tn ~uzywaja. Fakt, re swe kara
biny nicpotrzebnie ukrywaja poo
matcracami swych lock j ODDLY
waja mustrc w sIklcpach, jest do
statecznym dowodem ma to twier
dzenic."
Mezerow vice, mimo sweg'
nihilizmu, jest %przeciwko anarchi
stom W tym kra. ju. Los robotni
k6w ME jest wszedzie TAXI, jakin
by miaf bye, lecz do %polepszeni
tego losu MONA dojsc tylko '
dobry sposob. Robotnik must. je
zeli nam sic wyrazic %jasniej, stu
chaG rady spokojnych ludzi, poste
powych i wolnomy blnych, a wszel
kich podszczuwaczy i w%ichrzyciel
cd siebie odpychac.
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1886-1893, 1886-06-03

Uyhopane p1emo7s'- w 10
bylinie Wv Poznans'slem) lu-
die budowniczego p. Robin
skiego, kopiqc pod fundamen-
ia ma gruncie p. Langera, wy
kopali cztery wielkie gas1ory,
napeEnione pieniedzmi polskie-
mi. Bylo tam 400 sztuk Z cza-
sow kro]a Mieczyslawa, 500 Z
czasow Boles1awa, 500 z CA
sow Stefana CzarEieckiego i
700 z czasow krola Jana So
bieskiego. Procz tego z~nalezli
wielki garnek, w ktorym by
10 zlotych, srebrnych i ME
dzianych pieniedzy Ma rs fun
tow.
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1886-1893, 1886-06-03

.Nmzcczo19a Jez yaA. Pewien
mlody baronet, czlonek nader
arystokratyc2ne.j rodziny zako-
chal sic W Is )%etniej pannie,
Ewalinle Roncetti, zwanej pod
nazwq: ,,kobiety bez rqk" /
pokazywanej W gabinecie ,,cu-
dow" w Londynie. Ewalina
je, pisze, gra ma forteplanie.
h%aftnjc, maluje ftp. nogami, z
nadzwyczaj Na Zrecznoscla. w
zamian ia dotkliwe kalcctwo
przyroda obdarzyla Ewaline
niepospolitq urodq. Zakcchany
baronet oiiarowa1 Ewelinie re-
Ike i SERGE, a w dnlu slubu
PARMA mloda 20 raz picrwszy
posila przedziwnie wykonane
3ztuczne race, bqdqce sIubnym
podarunkicm narzeczonego,
kt6@y zaplacjl "a Lie 5000 fir.
Rodlina baroneta jest niepo-
~ci,szonq . powodu oryginalne-
90 malzehstwa.
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1886-1893, 1886-06-03
Ameryka.

100 gaZet czasoplsm, Wyda-
wanych W Stanach Zjednoczo-
nych a go W kanadzic.
Liczba gazet codziennych W
Stanach Z)ednoczonych wyno-
81 l,21G, a zatem 33 wlece.]
.jak W +. 1885. Miedzy czaso-
pismaml jest 1000 taklch,
kt6re liczbe swych abonen-
tow podaja przesz]o 5000.
Pism redagowanych w DIN
chu re'igjjnym jest 700; ma
wieccj z Mich wychodzi W No.
wynn lorku, PHILADELPHIA j
Bostonie.
Sprawy neutrality-suspicious.
broni 1919 tygodnik6w, dwuty-
godniizow j miesiecznlS6 v,
pddczas gdy ich przeciwnlcy
przedstawiajq tylko S .orga-
How.
Chodownicy jedwabnikow
majq 3, pszczelarze 6, chodo-
wnicy kur 80, lekarze zebow
Is, stenograli 9, gluchonleml
i ociemniali razem 10 czaso-
pism.
Liczba gazet i czasoplsm
niemieckich wynosi %przesz1o
600, pc mich nastepaja szwedz-
kie i norwegskie, ktorych jest
okoio GO, potem francuskle
~. Polskich jest 9, litewskie
2. a wreszcie jest pc jedne)
gazecie celtyckie] (gaclskle.]J,
hebrajskiei, chinskie.l jedna
indyahska W narzeczu Indyan
Cherokees.
DO rzeczonego spisu dada
ny jest spis gnzet, jake wy
chodzi1y w Stanach Zjedno-
czonych w i. l776: zawiera
on tylko 7 tytulow gazet.
O strasznem nieszczesciu do
nosza z Thomasyille, w okoli-
cy Greensboro, W Po1nocne]
Karo]inie. Tam SWINE zazar:,
fy szescioletniq dziewczynke
Dziecko poszlo do ogrodzenia
gdzie byfy wieprze, i zacze1e
i'm rzucac odrobiny swege
sniadania. Wieprze pcha1y SIC
ma dziccko, al jeden, fako'
me chwytajac podawany mt
chleb, ukasi1 .je w reEe. Ia
pach krwl obudzif w Zwierze
tach zarloczno G, a kiedy die
cko, uciekajqc, upad'o. swi,
ME rozszarpa1y je ma kawafk
w oczach Z niedole2niale.l sta
rel matl1i, ktora ME zdofafa
rospieszyc mu W pomoc. Ma
tka dzieciecia Z prZcrazcnla
klopotu ciezko zachorowala
Suaszny ogieli pralrowy Il:
szczyl W ubjcgI.ym tNSodnlJ
trawy i chrusty W poblIzu sta
cyl Chippewa, Clark Co., Mch
Poci&g cmigruncAi, ktory pre-
.jezlzal przcz te okoI'ce, M"
sial poZostAG ma rownem Pc
IN.
Mona sic spodziewac, X
zNi4ry 3 rozboju lndyan'e y
Arizonjc, kt1rzy schrcnI!l sc
DO rczerwacyi San Carlos, "
krotlim czasie ~zostan% osdcze
nj i wychvytani. Wyd"no roz
kaz, ably wszystkich Indyan
walesajq:ych sic po rezerwa:
cyl obsadAnej przez spokone
szczepy indyahskie i wcJsks
zwiazkowe, natychmlast "a
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1886-1893, 1886-06-03

l Zlhlne poWletrze, gdyz po-
ro2nyeh doniesieh ogro-
mne pole gor l%odowatych pc
dzi ku linii parowcow tran
satlantyckich. Sadzac podlug
masy szczatkow okretowych,
przyp}ywajqcych do wybrzeza
New Foundland, juz wiele o.
kretow przez lody zostaio roz-
bitych hub zgnieconych.
Biskup murzynow W kenn-
lucky, nazwiskiem Turner,
PREY pisuje gwa1towne wAbu-
rZenia meteorologiczno ostat-
mich lat, burze, oberwania
chmur it'd. oswietlaniu ele-
ktrycznemu i wnosi z tad, il
niezadlugo wichry i powodzie
zburzq kazde miasto w kraju,
kto wiec chce unikn4c takich
strasznych rzeczy, nicchaj O.
siedIi sic w okolicy, gdzie ME
ma cswietlenia elektryczre-
90.
Pc ostatniem rzuceniu bonn
by w Chicago, znalazla tam
policya W roznych miejscach
schowany dynamit, jeden chic
piec znalazf SO patron, a dru-
81, pod nakrywq ma rynszto-
ku 81 kawafow rur gazowych,
ktorc, owiniete W cZerwone
woskowe sukno, nabite byfy
dvnamitem i owiniete osmio-
calowemi luntami.
Il anarchistami w Chicago
ME mysli sad zartowaG. Spie-
sowi, ktorego tymczasem wy
puszczono ma wolnosG "a wy
soka kaucyq, wytoczono pro-
ces O
Ca anarchistow w Nowym
Yorku tel byf przyaresztowa-
ny, lecz zaraz Pc pierwszych
przesluchach bez kaucyi wy
puszczono go IA wolnosc.W Wy
toczono mu jednak process o
bcwpAwne urzadzenle zebra
MIA i podzeganie do rozru-
chu.
" miescie Richmond, Ind.
wiclka panuje radosG. Odkry'
to w sqsiedztwie miasta, W
g}ebokosci $50 stop, zrod}o
natura]nego gazu i trzech
przedsiehiorcow natychmiast
sic zcbra]o, ady re zrodfa to-
90 zaopatrrywa6 miasto W Gle
pfo i Swiatio.
Miasto Brooklyn liczy obec
ME 500 tysiecy mieszkancow
Teksaiczycy muszq prZepro
wad2aG bydlo, skutkiem panu-
.jqcg.l tam rosuchy, do Colo
RADIO.
" Nowym Iorku nag}a
smerci4 umarla mol2onka pc.
sla amcrykahsklego W Berll-
pie, PAM Alicya Pendleton
Kiedy przejezdzala sic wespo]
3 corka pc parku centralnym
konie zIekly sic / rozbiegaly
WtrIy danny predlSo wysko-
czv!y 4 powozu, ]ecz przy tom
PAM p,ndleton talk ciezko IL
derz..la glowa 0 kamien, zc
doAnaia zlamania czaszki, cd
svego natychmiast umarla
Parma pcndleton wnct och}o.
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1886-1893, 1886-06-03
Zagadka.

Gdy mic bahia wyrychtuje,
kazden we mnie zasmakuic,
Ale jak mic zhlop wyeiesze,
stal pozjadam, oyiei wskrze-
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1886-1893, 1886-06-03

IlONIEC'
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1886-09-07

%! 7
..em1 nar Inou uu 10, uMop Tue. pi9rl
eAI ~ "tl las sIieu 9ul oJ8 Il
: ;,uo ! Il Arp II. $40 EN- 10 las ? u
1u0 - : :; go1ssM q 81 uU9 IT Bon
.-e3laS u a. ~ rVO op sea 20,
:spuod~9I 3!p sop g nG l-nu on lgU,
As pUeqsaQ leu pIveQ scq Gus 'sAsM
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1886-09-07
APPETIZERS.
What Discouraged the Funny Man.

He had a stra;s htforward 90 ahea al,
about him as he walked into the iunny
mans sanctun, that INN edia,ely com
mande attention.
thought Id call on you," he said.
I know you'll lie CAD to see me when
you know who / am
Who are YOU inquired the sad-eyed
I. m. as he YEARLY laid down his pencil.
leavin; the word mother-in-law half fin
ished.
Il am man who wouldn't have nv
wife's mother live anywhere but in my
own house."
indeed" said the pale paragraphist
with surprise.
mo, Sir. respect and admire the
Old lady.
Another thing: never spoke Of how
my mother used to cook TO my VIE.
Whenever my wife wants a new bon
net, she goes and gets it and has the bill
sent to me, and whenever I am ,ut late
at night she gee, to led at che regular
hour, and never says a word about what
time get il"
His auditor was turning pale, and
beads OF perspiration stood out on b
face.
81 am the .ather of an infant sixteen
months old, he visitor went on, land
l have never as yet stepped on tack
when hunting the paregor.c.
" have built all the fires ever since I
got married
% once wrote a poem on Spring,
which was accepted by an editor and for
which l receiver pay.
e" have always"
But the IuD;y man had fed
The next day he threw up his situa-
ton. ard be is now driving street car.
Il Merchant Traveller.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1886-09-07
@. M. BlBBEE, Nj. o

ONCE and residence 81 Douglas avenue. south side
Barnes block over Derby's Implement store Wichita
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1886-09-07
ClingmaE's Done.

Gen. Z. B: Vance writes a long cor.
munication for the Waynesville News
about North Carolina mountains.
He mentions that Prcf. Guyot makes
Clingman's Dome the highest mountain
this side of the Rocky Mountains. It Is
5000 feet high. But the United States
Coast Survey has placed Clingman's
Peak in Tennessee. Gen. Vance says:
This is doubtless an error. I have
always understood that .Clingman's
Dome is in the great Smoky range, in
North Carolina. Wilmington Star.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1886-09-07
gn aailu gnssdau @aoruiu September = 1886

forms. beer tive cents q glass, and
spirits Ave cents for hat gill, prices
which are cecta My not as high as those
paid by most consumers. the cost Of
these articles to the people Of this
country is over 81, lS9, 600. coo. or s19.S2
Cor every iEhahisant THIS burden is
bcrne by about p, 300. 600 wage-earne-s,
however, AMI for them it averages s59. 46
yearly.
All tie money that trade unions have
aided or ever viii add 70 the wages OF
labor will not equal half the sum spent
.ast year. mainly by working people, in
the con umption OF liquor alone, which
cost taem much over 100000, 0OO.-[N.
Y. Tribune.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1886-09-07
Safe Behind the Bars.

A Bridgeport girl has steady company
in the person Of a young man wno is
forever and forever a-kiss:ng her. she
likes a share of tIis sCrt OF sweet
meats, but quite frequently it pals on
her taste.
lie invited her to ride the other moon
light night, and she accepted, fully
realizing that she would be made the
target of no end of oscu.atory p. actice.
Out on the road. in the moonlig t. tho
young man handed her the reiEs. placed
his arm about her waist. and then drew
nearer to her.
She said nothing. Handing back the
lines, from .o,lewhe.e Leaca;h her
wrap. she dew cu b;; ebi.! ca. cher's
mask, strapped i. to her face and reacned
out for the lines Bridgeport News.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1886-09-07
Brother Gardeners Wholesome PHILOSOPHY.

The great trouble wild average HUI
mainly, as see it, am de fack da.
people grasp fu- too much. What wes
riches to de las ginerashun am lis.
huff to make this one discontented
Whatwa comfort den am poverty now.
De wages Of our gran fathers would
hardly buy p'ons fur de wives Of wo.k-
in men to-day.
We am full of froth an show. Hypoc-
ricy an deceit am part of our stock in
trade. Envy an jealousy am drivin' out
charity an contentment.
Fifty Vars hence, if dey should dig
down to my coffin an find that had
turned ober. de papers needn't make any
sensation. 1t am quite sartin, onless e
great change takes place, dat de mex
generation will make US ole dead folks
tired Detroit Free Press.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1886-09-07

A gentleman was introducing young
lawyer, a friend Of his, at an evening
party.
% beg leave to present to you my
friend Mr.. harrington, the hope Of the
bar-the Demost henes of;the future
The q" hope of the bar" STAN cred
out some plirertrry common; faces
and disappeared. Tnc lady to whom he
had been present q remarked
1T was cruel OF you 20 introduce that
young man as Demosthenes he shutters
terribly
Not at ell He is a Denosthenes-
only he has not yet tried the pebbles"
-[Judge.