Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-20
NEWSPAPERS WIT.


patch.
"WHY do you drink ?'' asked the
temperance exhorter, and the topper
replied, "Cause I can't get snow to
eat."-Texas Siftings.
THE superintendent of q county fair
in Ohio economical time, space and
paint, by putting soo up .an the ,s sign
dette.
A WATERBURY, 5-year- old at the sup.
per tablelast evening set down cup OF
milk, which he had raised to his lips,
with the remark: mamma. believe
the milkman has g. sour COW. Hart
ford Times.
"WHAT is the greatest work of crea-
tion?'' asked the teacher; and little
Johnny, whose mind was still full OF
the Odd Fellows parade, promptly
responded: "The drum major. Dos
ton TRANSCRIPT.
TRAMP-Please help me, | am a
Charleston sufferer. Old gentleman
All. indeed-a sufferer by that awful
earthquake? What did you lose?
Tramp lost bet how many shocks
there was.-Life.
A PENNSYLVANIA landlord seized g.
baby as security for rent. He ex-
planned that, being O. bachelor, he did
not have any experience and is now
willing to give up the baby and pay
handsome bonus.-New Haven News.
THINGS one would rather have left
unsaid: She-"And you are really
better, Professor, since you came TO
live in Hampstead ?" He-"Oh, yes; a
different man altogether" She
"How pleased all your friends will
be!"-Punch.
GRoCER-"I've called with that little
bill, Mrs. Short" Mrs. Short-"Oh,
I'm sorry; my husband has gone to
Coney Island, and won't return for
week" (Hoarse whisper from behind)
-"Make it month, Sarah, make it
month. It'd Bits.
GEN. GUITAR is running for Congress
in Missouri, and Fiddler Taylor is
after the governors chair in Tennes-
see. We trust that Gen. Drum will
step forward, if he wants anything,
and let US have concert of action
Macon (Ga.l Telegraph.
ANGRY citizen Ito country editor)
elm your to days issue you refer to
me as a liar, scoundrel, cur and black
guard. Isn't that putting it on too
thick?" Country editor Cranky
"WeIl, don't know but what it is a
trif1e fulsome." New York Sun.
A MAINE newspaper tells of q ped
dler that sold a farmers wife the
familiar sign "Ici on parle Francois"
French spoken here), assuring her
that it was che original Latin text for
."God bless our home;;" and the good
woman proudly hung it in the best
room
BoswELL-Is slang ever justifable?
Johnson-Yes, you dog. If a lady on
entering book store were to inquire
for Merivale's History of Rome, and
the clerk were to proffer her Gibbons
Decline and Fall OF the Roman Empire,
she might with propriety exclaim:
"What are you Gibbon us?"-Life.
MRS. SocIETY-"Now, dearie, be g.
good little girl, and go to bed soon.
Mamma must hurry off now" Little
Dot-s'Where's 90 goin', mamma 2"
Mrs. s Sim going to q party, pet. !"
Little Dot gazing at the decollete cos
tume)-"Is 90 goin' to dress ooself
when 90 gets there ?"-Omaha World.
ANOTHER HUMAN FREAK-Business
Man-"Been of again. eh?" Dime
Museum Man-''Yes. I am nearly
driven to death trying to get attrac-
tions; never saw such a scarcity OF
freaks " "Well, / heard the other day
of q man In Dakota who walked sew
enty-fve miles to pay q bill. "-Omaha
World
CHICAGO MAN-"Suppose you saw
Charley p Returned European T'rav-
eler-'On, yes; went all around |
tell you you ought to visit the amphi-
theatre there. It's grand" Chicago
Man-'What kind of q show werethey
giving there when you went, Charley %
It'd Bits
ooh, Miss Brown, who was that
homely young lady you were with this
afternoon?" "That, sir? That was
nv sister, "Oh-ah-I-I beg ten
thous md pardons ought to hava
noticed the great resemblance! That
is-that - Then he wished an
earthquake would happen right then
and there New York Sun.
A MAN ii Marquette, Mich, mined
for iron, and failing to find it, thought
that at n proper depth he could find
gold and silver; this proving a miscai
culation ne went deeper yet in search
of iridlum, and, being unable to reach
any, be il no digging for tin. II be
finds no TIN he will strike some ex
perience = hi ought to be valuable
-PittsbuEg chronicle.
DISTINGUISHED SoCIALIsT-The move
men IL ~ slag great progress in the
German universities. Amerlcan-So
have heard Yes, indeed. Twenty
eight thousand students there are
question: he divine right of kings
1'That is we'll enough; but the trouble