The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-07-21
FLASHES Of fun.

"A mans character is like a fence
1t cannot be strengthened by being
~whitewashed.
Why is x the most unfortunate
of letters? Because it is always in
a fix and never out of perplexity.
1t is said that when Jay Gould
was a boy he used to lead the horses
down to the drinking-trough. This
indicates that Jay Gould began to
water stock very early in life.
-Father-in-law -"Perhaps, sir,
you think I'm going to support you
for the rest of your natural life"
Son-inlaw-"Well,I don'tknow why
you shouldn't. | took your daugh-
ter off your hands,"
ID hope, Johnny" said the Sun
day-school teacher to her new
scholar, "that your parents are good
Christians" "Well, ma u.s." replied
Johnny, ian pa used to be, but l
guess he is a little out of practice
now"
-"Fire 81" said a busy hotel clerk
to the new porter. Presently the
porter returned looking very much
mussed up. 81 fired him, sorr," he
said; "but, begorra, for jist one
blissed moment l thought he had
me-"
Little Willie prayed long and
Intellectually for a little brother. At
last he gave it up as "nO USE" Soon
after his mother had the pleasure Of
showing him twin babies. He looked
at them a moment and then ex-
claimed: "How lucky it was that [
stopped praying! There might have
been Mree!"
Little Paul, five years Old, had
been poking at the range and burned
a hole in his sleeve. His mother
says: "You will surely catch afire, and
there will be nothing left of you but
a little pile of ashes. What will l
say then? At once Paul replied:
"You will say, Kate, shovel up those
ashes"
"A few days ago a number of
Italians went into the Roundout, n.
Y, post Office and asked for letters.
One was handed an epistle on which
was due 10 cents postage. Yester-
day morning the same man handed
one of the clerks 10 cents and said:
"Tenna cents. Wanta anotherlettee."
"A witty nobleman once asked
a clerical gentleman at the foot of
the table why the goose, when there
was one, was always placed next to
the parson? "Really, my Lord, said
the clergyman, "your question is
somewhat difficult to answer, and so
remarkably odd that | shall v
see a goose again without being re-
minded of your lordship."
Not long ago a young man about
town called on a certain young wo-
man of his acquaintance. He was
promptly ushered into the drawing
room by a pretty servant-maid, who
ran to the Of her mistress to
announce her visitor. "Oh, ma'am,"
said she, "that most illigant Of gen.
tlemen, who danced with me one
night last summer up at the grave
diggers' social, is down in the parlor
a-callin' on you, ma'am!' The gen.
tleman never called again.
-"What a delightful existence it
is, Farmer Robinson" said his city
guest, "out here in the country. How
crisp and beautiful the air, and the
fragrance of new mown hay per-
vades all. I should think you would
feel like chanting p@ans Of praise to
the Creator the. year round" 1t is
sort O. nice, Miss, [ grant. But l
never feel quite SO much like thank
ing heaven as I do when I've scrim-
mayed about an got money enough
together to pay the taxes"
-"Charles, is it true that all bro
kers are dissipated, and do they bet
and live on stimulants" asked a
Stockholders wife of her husband.
"Well, not all of them, L guess;
but the life Of a broker is rather
quick" was the reply.
"And do they die suddenly at
about the age of forty?' she con-
tinued.
'The paper stated SO the other