The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1886-12-07
IF i WERE A BOY AGAIN.
A Celebrated HumOrist Relates Some
of His Youthful Experience.
BIT ELL NYE.

, with the same wild passion for plucl
3 ing water melons in the dark of tn
, moon, would no doubt fall victil
to that overmastering passion as
: did before, but looking at it as / d
t now, / would be wiser. Boys car
| not, however, have the mature juds
ment of manhood without the expt
J rience and rheumatism that go wit
; it. So it is better that in our chile
hood we may be able to eat RAJ
, turnip with safety, and know some
thing later on in life.
l noticed a great change in mysel
while comparing my present condi
tion with that of boyhood. Then
had no sense, but | had a good dl
gestion. Now / haven't even tn
digestion.
i The hurrying years have cavorte'
over my sunny head till they hav
worn it smooth, but they have left
good deal for me yet to learn. l an
still engaged in learning during th
day and putting arnica on my expe
rience at night.
Childhood is said to be the mos
gladstone period in our lives. and il
some respects this statement may b,
regarded as reliable, hut it is not''al
joy. l have had just as much fun il
later years as did in boyhood
though the people with whom 1 have
been thrown in contact claim thai
their experience has been different
1 hope they do not mean anything
personal by that.
l do sometimes wish that l could
be a boy again, but l smother that
wish on account of my parents
What they need most is rest and
change of scene. They still enjoy
children, but they would like &
chance to select the children with
whom they associate.
My parents were blessed with five
bright-eyed and beautiful little
hoys, three of whom grew up and
by that means became adults. 1 an
in that condition myself / was the
Oldest Of the family with the excep-
tion of my parents. I am still thai
way. My early life was rather TEN.
pestueus in places, occasionally fleck-
ed with sunshine, but more frequent
ly with retribution. l was not a very
good roadster when young, and SC
retribution was most always just in
the act Of ovcrtaking me. While
outraged justice was getting in its
work on me, the other boys escaped
through q small aperture in the
fence.
That is another reason why / dc
not ycarn to be a boy again.
When we ran away from school
to catch chubs, and when we built a
fire to cook them and the fire got
into the tall dry grass and burned
four miles of fence and sixteen tons
of hay for gentleman for whom
had high regard, and went back
to put out the fire the other boys
escaped and they have so remained
ever since.
A just retribution has never had
any difficulty in overtaking me and
walking up and down ever my wish
bone.
When a party of as had been en-
gagged in gathering Easter eggs in
the barn of gentleman who was
away from home at the time, and he
returned just as we had filled our
pockets vith the choicest vintage Of
his sun-kissed hens, the other boys
escaped while l was occupying the
attention of the dog, and l had to
slide out the second story of the
barn. 1t is still fresh in my mind
as 1 write. / wore my fathers vest
at that time and it was larger than
was necessary. My father was lar
ger than ! at that time, for / was
only nine years of age and had not
arrived at my full stature. In slid
ing down the batten discovered
that the upper end of it was loose
and that my flowing vest had slip
ped over it, so that when 1 got down
about four feet / hung with the
board buttoned inside my bosom and
the scrambled eggs oozing out of
my kickerbockers.
The batten had sprung back
against the barn in such a way as
to prevent my unbottening my vest
and while hung there on the side
of the barn like coon skin, the pro
prietor came around and accused me
of prematurely gathering his eggs.
/ had heard truth very highly
spoken of by people who had dab
bed in it more or less, and so re
solved to try it in this instance. Sc
admitted that such was the case
and it was the best thing / coult
have done, for the man said Tha6
been so frank with him he would
take me down as soon as he got his
other work done, and he was as goot
as his werd. After he had milke(
nine COWS and fed nine calves he came
around with ladder and took mi
down. He also spanked me and Sc
the dog on me, but / did not min(
that for was accustomed to it. II
hang on the side of a barn, however
like an autumn leaf, trying to kicl
large holes in. the atmosphere is dis
agreeable.
This incident cast gloom owe
my whole life. 1t has also reconcil
ed me to the awful decree that Cal
never be a boy again.
GRAHAM BREAD.-One pint Of gra
ham and one pint of wheat flour
one teaspoonful of sugar, one teas
poonful of salt, two teaspoonfuls o
baking powder, and one and hal
pints of milk. Sift together graham
-four, sugar, salt and powder, leavini
out the coarse bran which will b
found in the sieve, add the milk
mix quickly into smooth, sol
dough, which pour into two sma
creased tins and bake at once in