The Portland daily press., 1886-10-28
THE PRESS.
WIT AND WISDOM,

$50 the Missus is to be married, is she?" said
the gardener TO the cook.
@Yis and II illigant style, too. She's goin for
TO have dhress thray yarruds long, and four pail
bearers to kerry II" she replied.
Salvation Oil cures rheumatism in from i2 to
4s hours, swellings and bruises in a few hours
Suicide is not more sinful than neglectng a
cough. For only 20 cents you can buy bottle Of
Dr.Bull's Cough Syrup and be saved from DEATH
Try
little boy had been to church and came home
What's the matter9' inquired his mother
The parson says I'm TO be born again. ana
am AFRAID I'll be girl next tme"
Women with pale, colorless faces who feel weak
and discouraged, win receive both mental and
bodily vigor by using Carter's Iron Pills, which
are made for the blood, nerves and complexion.
Bobby Ito young Featherly, who is making an
evening calD-Will you speak little French for
Featherly i(smiling) Certainly, Bobby, if you
Bobby-I do. Because Ma says your French is
very amusing.
Pain from indigestion, dyspepsia, and too hearty
eating is relieved at once by taking one OF Car.
ter's Little Liver Pills Immediately after dinner
Don't forget this.
French journalist takes his oath that he
found the following in an ERglish newspapers;
"Notice to Heirs samuel SIS Extract OF
Onions, without smell and not causing any lrrlta-
tion is the best extract in the market for produc-
ing the most plentiful supply OF tears. TWO shll-
lings large bottle one shilling half bottle. Be
sure and see that the signature Is on the bottle.
Slightly moisten the under part OF the eyend Win
the liquid"
Give EIy's Cream Balm trial. This
Justly celebrated remedy for the cure of catarrh,
hay fever, cold in the head, &C., can be obtained
of any reputable druggist and may be relied upon
as a safe and pleasant remedy for the above COM
plants and will give immediate relief 1t is not a
liquid, snuff or powder, has no offensive odor and
can be used at any time with good results, as
thousands can testify, among them some of the
attaches of this offce.-Spirit of the Times, May
%, 1886.
man, noted for shrewdness in trade, is ap-
from the country.
"whar's the news in the country9' the shrewd
Pm sorry, but I've got bad news for you"
''You don't say so.o
eyes, your wife is dead"
would not have had that happen for-S6O, No,
let me see. Well, say SAB"
lydia 4. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound re-
wives the dropping spirits, nvigorates, and hano-
nizes the organic functions.
Friend Ito young author-How is your book Of
poems selling, Charley?
Young Writer (glooinily)-Slow.
Friend-What's the matter? Don't people want
poetry any more?
lar for my poetry when they can get paper edi-
tion of Shakespeare for half the money There's
too much difference In the price.
Last years fashions are out Of date, but last
years friends are still our own. This is why Lyd-
ia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound never loses
favor.
There's something inexplicable about the mem
tai makeup of a woman" replied Fogg to female
acquaintance. There's that Mrs. Smith, for ex-
ample. She's utterly unable to handle horse,
ana yet she drives her husband around as though
sAh, but you forget" replied the lady; ''the
horse, you know, is very intelligent animal"
You make no mistake when you use DIR. Soule's
Pills to regulate your liver.
Bobby-Your first name is Waikiki, isn't it, Mr..
Featherly?
Featherly-Yes.
Bits too bad.
F.-Why, Bobby?
B.-Because sister Clara told Ethel Robins that
you would be nice young man to call dog after
II it wasn't for your name.