Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-07-28
NEWSPAPER WIT.

shepherd and his sheep? Johnny
Yes, sir. eff you little children are
the sheep, what am - GA big sheep,
sir."-Texas SHtings.
A PRETTY maiden fell overheard and
her lover leaned over the side OF the
boat as she rose to the surface ana
said: s'Give me your hand. please
ask papa" she said, as shesank Tor
the second time.-Boston Courier. =
A BAD.TEMpERED man: He had lost
his knife and they asked him the usual
question: "Do you know where you
lost to" eyes, yes" he replied, "of
course | do. I'm merely hunting III
these other places for to kill time"
CITIZEN YOU have never had any edu-
cational advantages Boy scratches
his head and says: "No, nom; not
that [ knows of. But I've had
airysipfas If what you said Is worse
nor that | don't want ter ketch it.
THINGS One Would Rather Have
Left Unsaid-Jones, Ito hostess, famed
for her dinners) ooh, by the way,
Mrs. Hodgkinson, il you should hap
pen to want a. really good cook, |
know of one that would suit you to
Tr'-Punch.
A NEWLY converted reporter thus
notices a minstrel troupe: "For
those who do not consider it q sin to
witness minstrel shows this enter
tainment will furnish a pleasant re-
Taxation from revival meetings. y
KunkePs Review.
WHEN you see aman take off his hat
to you it is a sign that he respects
you, but when he is seen divesting
himself of his coat you can make up
YOUR mind that he intends to try to
make you respect him.-Shoe and
Leather Reporter.
"DID you go fishing when you were
in the country last week?' asked
Podsnap of Fangle. s'No; couldn't
get any bait" was the reply. "Why,
that was singular, how was that ?"
Happened to strike g. local option
neighborhood. "-Pittsburg Chronicle.
BIGGs says he has been experiment.
ing with half dozen different type
writer's, but he hasn't found one that
was good for anything. They are all
alike, he says; the confounded things
print we'll enough, but they don't
spell one word in ten correctly.-Bos,
ton Transcript.
LORD CHANCELLOR CLARE, while
Curran was addressing him, busted
himself with a favorite spaniel, seated
near. Curran ceased speaking through
Indignation. The chancellor asked:
sWhy don't you proceed, Mr.. Cur
RAM" "I thought your lordship was
in consultation, replied the orator.
De BAGGs-"It is remarkable how
these tailors do take q man in"
Bagley-"That's their business, my
boy. They do it with there tape line"
aNo. don't mean that saw sign
the other day thatread: IF you want
a good suit come in here went in. "
"Well?" "Istill want a good suit. y
Philadelphia Call.
"HERE, James, take these two cakes
and give the smaller one to your little
brother" James examined the cakes
carefully, appeared undecided, and
finally took heroic bite out of one OF
them, which he passed over to his
brother with the remark: '"There,
Tommy, I've made you a smaller one
they were both the same size. y
Philadelphia Call.
LITTLE coon (picking up BOOT
Say, mistah, kin rs hab dis old sho'
Farmer (eyeing him suspiciouslyl-
What du yer want it fer? Little
coon giving the whole thing away
De ole man wuz 'roun' h'yar las night
an JUS 'ud time ter git de one sho'
Wen de dorg got luse; SO he SEN me
ober ter git de oder, es it's Oh no
count ter yo'.-Puck.
HoRsE-CAR conductor (refusing q
Canadian 10-cent piece with an air o.
offended dignity -"I can't take that
Passenger : "Why?" Conductor =
Because they won't take it from uf
at the Office" Passenger with feignec
rise)--"Good gracious! you dom
mean to say that if you take that from
me in payment OF my fare they'll eve
see it at the Office, do your"
GEORGE, DEAR" said a sweet youn,
wife to her husband, give had g. tall
with the servants this morning, anC
have agreed to raise their wages. They
said everything was so dear now--renr
was SO high and the price Of meat anG
butter had risen to such q price
and everything-I thought this wa
reasonable, because Pveso often heard
you complain of the same thing"
A STORY of g. country parsons indie
pendence will be appreciated by thos
annoyed at late corners to church.
man came into church late and start
ed to walk the whole length OF the sid
gallery. The pastor, who was pray
ing, stopped suddenly, opened hi
eyes, and, pointing long finger at tn
disturber, said, ''You sit down RICH
where you are" He then resumed hi
prayer.-BostoD Journal.
Touch Citizen-s'Sa-ay, who's play
IN hyar ter night?" Manager-''rh
greatest actress OF her time, Lucian'
squealer" IT, C.-"Never heard B
her" Manager-"No? Did you eve
hear of Mary Anderson" II. c.
sNo" "Manager-"Ever heard of Ed
win BOOTH T.C.-'Nixy." Manage
Perhaps you have heard of Adam
and Eve?" II. C.-"You bet! The,
wuz hyar las week wild a variety show.
The Rambler.