The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1886-11-05
-SnnhEaInS-
Made of Orleans-Taffy.
Trade winds-Drummers' remarks

births should be announced under the
head of new music.
A voice comes from Arizona saving,
"Send us wivrS!' and a thousand I'M
happy Benedicts respond, Take oursw
Our religious editor wants any young
lady who Jumps at conclusions to
consider him u conclusion" An orphan
is preferred.
Nice life married man leads when
every time he asks his wife for a cup of
tea he knows she'll make it hot for
him.
The backbone of Summer may not be
exactly broken; but it is hunting for
cooler place and with some show of
success.
Give been digging over my garden"
said Brown. land I'm worn out"
Abr remarked Fogg; "a new variety
of earthen ware, Ell"
Lessons in manners: Small boy
Ma, pass the bread" Ma. Sternly-
"If what. my SOM Small boy, smartly
=" If you can reach it, ma
Citizen Ito bartender)-" What effect
your business?" Bartender" 1t gives
us too much to do Saturday night"
When man was Dragging about his
tortoise shell cat that could do so many
tricks. another inquired who tortoise
shell cat to perform in that way.
Business men who marry their type
writer girls are apt to find that the
young women are not so ready to sub
NIT to dictation after the wedding.
Some one says an umbrella will last
far longer if, when wet, it is placed
handle downward" This recipe may
be very good. but locking it up will
make it last longer.
The body of human being contains
over two pounds of lime. That of a
politician will average about four
pounds when his character has been
thoroughly whitewashed.
Old gentleman Ito boys)-" Aren't
you boys rather old to be playing so
childish a game us mum ble-the-bag >"
One of the logs" We're playing for
twenty-five cents a game"
Not wisely, but too well. "What's
home rule, John" asked his wife at tea,
that the papers talk of so?" John
looked as sad as he could be and groaned
in utter misery, i wish L didn't know"
The little one, being a guest of her
grandma, had been Literally Toasted,
when second dish of pudding came
on. Looking at the steaming dish, she
exclaimed with a sigh, "Gran'ma l wish
was twins"
"My dear, it's going to rain again."
"What makes you think so. Mr. Dusen-
berry," Because my bunions ache"
For shame. Mr. Dusenberry. You are
at the tablet" "Humph! So are my
bunionS."
There is girl in this town who has
only been in this country three months
and she can speak the English language
1luently, it coming to her naturally
from wearing bustles made of English
speaking newspapers.
If St. Peter were to come down and
receive the appointment of New York
Commissioner of Public Works how the
opposition papers would revive that
rooster story. Perhaps it is just as
well that st. Peter is already provided
for.
The general belief that home is a
lonely place without mother we reckon
is why so many neWly-married young
mothers aspire to be mothers. If there's
anything killing to woman it's being
alone and not having anything to talk
to.
A fashion writer says that dresses are
to be full this year. We prefer them
full. The idea of dress empty is rdicu-
louS in the extreme. We should like
10 know what satisfaction it would be
to young man to hold an empty dress
on his lap.
AS the happy couple were leaving the
church, the husband said to the partner
of his welded life: Marriage must
seem a dreadful thing to YOU. Why,
you were all of trenDle and one could
hear you say, Il will. Il shall have
more courage and say it louder next
time" returned the blushing bride.
The stories of the exquisite instinct
of brute creation We're rather knocked
in the head recently in Iowa where
ferOciOuS bull dog bit man in the calf
of his wooden leg The leg was of pine
and the dogs teeth sank into it deeply.
He wooden let 90. in fact until they
pried him away.
depend on it, ladies and gentlemen"
said Mr.. Richards, at the close of
speech at Southrnd. eve should never
have heard of Mr., Gladstone if it had
not been for his ,ather." AMI it is sud
that Mr.. Richards was unable to under
stand why the audience roared.
Mrs. Bullion to the principal of the
school attended by her dau-,ner: Dear