Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-27
HIN or,

THE matron's lament-let M sweeso.
In the stock market bull lreE is hand
to bear.
A MAN of gall is shines. iuyarably a
good liver.
WHEN the trunk line railroads .re
playing policy they are playing pool.
slow SWEET, how tender IN claisa-
hood !" remarked the cannibal as he pre-
pared to feast on baby captured from
o neighboring tribe.-Bostoa Courier.
A YOUNG physician of New York re-
fused to go duck hunting with party
of friends. He said the ducks we're too
personal in their remarks when adj
dressing him.
GIVE us, oh, give US man who
sings at his work, says Carlyle Ohs
yes; give him to MS; deliver him into
our hands. He occupies the next oft;ee,
and we can't get at him
HUMAN NATURE.
Inever bewail my lot, said he.
never Sit down and cry,
And the reason don't is, I kno77 in Ito vczsa
There's somebody worse than l.
Boston Courier.
A PROFESSOR in, the medical depart
ment of the University Of Texas asked
one of the moro advanced students-
what is the name of the teeth that q
human being gets last?" False teeth.
of course. "-Ieeas Siftsmgs.
"JAsM1N, what lia you do with the
letter l left on my desk this morning?
II took it to the postoftice.. aWhats
Did you not SEQ that it had no adj
dress?" Eyes, sir, but thought yuu
= ia, p a
was intended"
II DON'T pnt much faith in proverbs
said Brown to Jones. "For instance
"A friend in need is y friend indeed.
Now, most Of ray experience With
friends in need las been That they
wanted to borrow money. Give mo q,
friend that is not in need"
"How LONG have you been in tho
turkey-raising business, Mr.. Wattel?~
"Five OF six years, sir" sand in your
experience what turkeys made the best
layers?" "Boned- turkeys, by all odds,
particularly if you require the layers
for picnic sandwiches. .-YO7aEers &C.
zette.
WOULDN'T You like to have a bow?~
said the bold archer, as they sauntered
down the field; and she .nurmured
"Yes;" and the absorbed archer SAID
what kind Of a bow would you pre-
fer?" She quivered little as she
replied, archly, II think should pre-
fer yew;" and then tho young man an
derstood, and although he vac an ar
row-chested youth, he went 10 the
target and heayed bulls sign.
WAITING.
sit and watch the rain drops isll.
gaze out ut the dull grny- skies,
only seo tho rain clouds pal5
Or watch tho ghostly mists tllat riso-
do not turn my head to see
The narrow room that holds me teres
watch tho rain and long to be
| Far from my prison room SO t1rexr.
Why, laughter waits for me out tt,en
And hearty clasp OF loving hands,
And merry songs and faces fair
| Could but break my prison ha1aAa
But here pine, US one in ban,
Forbidden by the fates to ruarn
| Until that laggart tailor man
Shall send my only trousers ho1ne
-Bartlettc, IN Brooklyn Eagle.
THEY COULDN'T SEE HIS FAULTS.
He was o most emphatic. willful, stifzsecxed.
| systematic, mental, spiritual. erl0tc, uIs2
most degraded creature;
He was given to frivolity and most srnsennily
iolhty, and had no single quality us "A re-
deeming feature.
He was full Of injudiciousness, and 1nRo7eut Of
ficiousness, and:countless kinds 1f yicisaaB-
! ness defOrmed his reputation
sapless imbecility, lack of stralg SizSi31y.
L. monstrOus inciviiity and mara1 Dbfnsca-
ton.
Yet his steps wers nll attended, au ms 1eaks.
and whilns defended by n retlz.ue I'd sIaszl-
| did rapt oxtravnSnnt eXtoneIS-
| For this vicious, mediocre cr1cEeti= irRsrIiasen
old croaker IL rich and bonded lnnkxai-
| and was worth million dollars
Lynn Onion.
A DAKOTA hotel advertiscs cyclone
| COLLAR ono nf i&o t%vo fH7,e,
following is its card:
SLIDEUNDER HOUSE,
TORNADO Bill, Proprietor:
Hot and cold air in every room
Elegant cemetary in connection
70 This is the only House in Che City
provided with Cyclone Cellar for CON
venience of Guests. Flume leading
from each room to Cellar. Guests can
drop from top floor in quartea second.
No requirements as to Costume while
making Descent. Stop at the Slide
under, and while Guests of other Ho-
tells will be mounting the Golden Starr
you will be scooting down the Flume
leading to Absolute Safety eY Ask
yourself this Question: Am T prepared
to die?-Estelli1se Bell.
There Was Scientific Reason in It.
Mission Teacher-The object OF this
lesson is TO incufeate obedience Do
you know what obey means?
Apt Pupil-Yes, marin, obey my
pap.
Eyes, that's right Now tell me why
you obey your father?"
Hes bigger'n me. Chicago Neacs-