Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-09-08
NEWSPAPER WIT.


BOUND in Turkey or Morocco? Pur-
;haser-O, mercy, mol What is the
use of sending it way off there. Have
it bound in New York.
A L1NEAL descendant of Handy Andy
presents himself at the post Office with
a. letter which the clerk insists upon
weighing. cit is over weight and must
have another stamp" ono, you
don't! that will only make it weigh
more"
"WHAT would be good name for
an Anarchists wife ?" asked the snake
editor of the horse editor. "Don't
know; what would?" asked the horse
editor. "Well, I think Dinah might,
said the snake editor.-P1ttsburg
Chronicle-T Telegraph.
MINKs-Helo, Winks, where are you
going? Winks-Going to Iowa. "Vis-
iting, eh?" "No. going to settle there.
"You don't say SO! Got into bust.
ness ?" "Iintend to practice medicine. :"
"Why you are not q doctor" "No,
but have learned the Latin term for
whisky. "-Omaha World.
Miss ETHEL-I have such O. lovely
compliment for you, Clara. Miss
Clara-Yes? Miss Ethel-Yes. told
Mr.. Featherly last evening that you
were only q trife over %, and very
beautiful, and he said that you didn't
look it. I suppose, of course, that he
meant that you didn't look to be 20.
He's delightful.
AT the recent Presiding Elders Con-
vention in New York, q member mar
rated tale of two boysin his district:
A donkey was passing by; Said one
boy to another: "Do you know what
that is?" "Why, yes" he answered,
"that is q donkey. Ihave seen lots OF
them in theological gardens"
WHILE New England is denouncing
war with Mexico and demanding war
with Canada, one of its citizens Is
causing to be published the following:
"Lost-A good rubber boot, on the
road from North Scituate Beach to
Scituate Center. I have the other.
Will buy or sell. Address L. w. Cook,
North Scituate." st. Louis Republic
an.
A STORY comes from Massachusetts
summer resort to the effect that g. city
chap taking q seat on an old stump
there thought he heard the rattle of
rattlesnake. Hesprang to his feet and
rushed for the hotel, bowling all the
way as the rattling grew louder, and
finally fell down in g. swoon. A box of
sugar-coated pills that he had in his
pocket was the cause of his fright.
'sMR. FEATHERLY," inquired Bobby
from across the table, "are you in the
book business "I? No; Pm in the
dry goods business. You know that
very well, Bobby" eyes; but ma and
pa were talking last night about your
having your little periodicals, and I
thought that perhaps you had made
O. change. New York Times.
Boston GIRL-Let me see, they have
bears and such animals up in the Arc
tic regions, don't they. Mr.. Higgins?
Returned Arctic Explorer-Oh, yes. I
went out one day and followed an i'm
mense bear and finally shot and
cached it. Boston Girl-Catched it?
I suppose you mean caught, don't
you, Mr.. Higgins ?-I1d- Bits.
THROUGH g. fault in the makeup in
the Detroit Abend Post, the following
surprising intelligence appeared among
William F. Villas and United Safes
Senator Payne, of Ohio, arrived here
yesterday on the steamer India, and
in the afternoon were sentenced by
Judge Haug to sixty days in the house
of correction"
AN editor, eing challenged by q
county treasurer for calling him ''the
red headed, malignant mule who dis
sipated the county money" produced
his manuscript and showed that he
wrote 'the big hearted, valiant soul
who dispenses the county money"
The treasurer withdrew the challenge
and substituted an invitation to g.
ball.-Boston Transcript.
ct DON'T think so much stress should
be laid on the fact that Cutting is
obliged to subsist on 81 cents g. day
while i'll jail at Paso del Norte," said
the snake editor. "Why?' asked the
horse editor. "He is used TO circum
stances like that Chow do you
make that out ?" "Why, he has been
editor of a country paper some time"
-Pittsburg acknowledgement.
INDIGNANT pa-"Rather too late for
a European trip, my boy. Your col
lege reopens in September" Young
Pillkins-'' use going this year, pa"
"My stars! Have you graduated ?"
"No, but / wont be needed next sea-
son." "Can't understand, my son."
Guess you don't read the papers.
Wilkins the other stroke-oar, has re-
covered his health" -Omaha World.
"GRAN'MA," said a boy of 8 years.
chow old are your" "About 66,"
said the grandmother. "You'll die
soon, won't you, grammar" Eyes,
dear, / expect to-" "And when I die.
gran'ma, can | be buried side of your
ayes, DEAR" said she, as her heart
warmed toward the little one, whom
she folded closer in her arms.
s'Gran' ma," softly whispered the little
rogue, gimme ten cents. ''-Clinton
Bugle.
HELLO, Fred, you here?" "Why,
Harry how are you, old man?
Haven't seen you for an age" "Whers
you bound? Mt. Desert ?" "No:
~x,s%L ,oox, EOn