The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1886-10-01
Advice About Marriage.

Advice About Marriage.
brother Gardner OF the Lime Kiln Gut
says it is lottery or dead sure thing
luat as you make it.)
Detroit Free Press: Brudder Ami
bad Cantilever, it am reported that
you am about to take unto yerself a
wife. Dat de report am true your re-
cent ackshuns am proof. You has beer
seen pricin' secondhand stoves, ,squint.
in at TO- dollar bedroom sweets, an
rustlin' aroun' arter bric.a- brac. Mar.
riage am muffin you need be ashamed
OF, an ] reckon you kin depend on dis
club to warm up de house for you an
leave behind some hard-bottomed
cheers an few articles of tinware.
Brudder Cantilever, marriage am 9
lottery or dead-sure thing-just as
you make it. II you git stuck on sight
fall in luv wild gal fur her small
feet, taperin' waist, dimpled chin, OF
warblin' mouf, an marry her ff-hand
at about twelve weeks notis, you
needn't be astonished il dar am q
dynamite 'sploshun afore you hev
bin hitched q week. Small feet an a
good temper doan' allus go together.
Slim waists and kitchen economy may
not work in de same harness. De gal
who charms you by de way she drums
on de pianner may fatty refuse, as a
wife. to run dem same fingers ober de
washbo'd. Firstly, doan' git mar
ried until you know what you
are bein' jined to. Study de gal.
Let de feet 60 an watch her
temper. Let de bangs go an watch
her economy. NebDer you mind
about de way she dimples her chin, but
az yerself if she'll make de bed wild de
foot lower dan de head You has got
to do all de studyin'. Notonegal out
OF Thousand eber stops to size up q
luver. If his Grecian nose or curly
ha'r or droopin' mustache strikes her
fancy she'll nebber stop to study his
natur' nor to worry ober his habits.
She is marryin' dat nose, or head, or
mustache. A month arter marriage,
when he hauls her aroun' by de hair
an slaps her dimpled jaw she's perfect
ly astonished to think she made sich
a mistake.
Secondly, Brudder Cantileyer, arter
de knot has bin tied, make up yer
mind dat de fucher won't be all plain
sailin'. You are gwlne to be tried an
tested and troubled, an you hev got
to call up all yer manhood. You will
h'ar de sasser scrapin' de bottom OF
de flour bar'l when you heven't got a
cent in yer pocket. De wood-pile will
run out in Jinuary. an de sugar an
bacon will seem to be carried off by
de rats, If yer wife am eber SO good
natured she will hev her trials and
tribulashuns, an dar may be times
when She II rize up an claw fur you.
In de Vars gone by my ole woman has
rushed upon me wild de rollin' pin, an
! has retorted in way to make her
ears ache, but all de time I knowed
she was savin' an good hearted. an
knowed IA empty my pockets OF
de las shillin' to buy her a new
set OF false frizzes. If you am suited
to each odder an occashunal row in de
family will prove stickin' plaster to
hold you clusser together. If you
amt suited-if you diskiver dat you
hev struck patch of Canada thistles
an can't sot still. an if de oder party
diskivers dat she has taken a tumble
off de monument of Romance an
brought up wild thud in de mud hole
ofReality, you jist stabsquatulatea apart.
Go quietly an decently an git onhitch.
ed by divorce, an let de wisdom gain.
ed by experience stan at your right
hand when ye make anoder choice
Brudder Cantileyer, nay feelins an dc
feelins OBJ dis club am wild ye, an our
good wishes, together wild So wurth o1
tinware, kin be counted on whenever
de fatal occashun arroves.