News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
THE SUBJECT OF CYCLONES CARE
FULLY CONSIDERED.
The Right Hon. Jumbo Smith Gives Us
His Ideas on the Subject.
From the Detroit Free Press. !

From the Detroit Free Pressl
When Samuel Shin had struck the
triangle and returned to his seat on the
garret stairs, Brother Gardner arose and
sald
Il take pleasure in informin' dis
meetin' dat de Rt. Honorable Jumbo
Smith, of West Varginny, am in de
| aunty-room. He arrove heah las mite
by de dirt road on his way to Canady
| an at my airnest solicItashun he re-
mained obcr to address us. De subjick
of his address am: 'Cyclones-deir
| bring him in. ."
! the ante-room and soon appeared with
| the Hon. Jumbo. He proved to be a
dark-skinned gentleman, built on the
! principle of a carrOt-a good deal the
heaviest at the top. He seemed to be
somewhat unnerved at the sight of the
brilliant assemblage, but after drinking
a glass of water he braced up and took
| the platform and began:
My friends, has giben de subjick of
cyclones a great deal of though an
study. 1t has bin de aim of de past
foty Vars of my life to diskiver what
caused an what would cure 'em. DER
seems to be a great deal of ignerence
'mong Guild people as to cyclones. Do
you reckon de pyramids of Egypt have
anthin' to do wild em2 If so, you am
sadly mistaken. / have met Guild men
who connected Cain an Abel an cy-
clones altogether, an dey wouldn't give
in to no argument. If DER am any
among you tonight, an 'spose DER
am, who believe dat Noah's ark eber
had anythin' to do wild cyclones, you
am off yer base"
"My friends" continued the orator
after gulping down more water, edo you
'spose it took three thousand ya'rs to
make this world. If dar am any sich in
dis hall tonight let him STAN fo'th.
Wheneber l meet a cullu'd man who
says dis world am gwine to eand up be-
fo' de var 1900, l sot him down as a
pussen who would steal s. bill outer
yer vest pocket if he had de chance.
How many pussons in dis hall to night
am posted on de Drift Period2 When
did she begin to drift2 Whar' did she
drift to? Some pussons will tell you dat
dis world was in darkness fur fo' hun
dred ya'rs arter 1t was made. Doan' you
believe it! Dey wasn't dar. What
would be de use of all dat darkness9
What would be de good of it?"
Chow about cyclones" called
voice"
eyes, sab 1 was comm to dat. In the
fust place, what am a cyclone? If dar'
am any pusson In dis hall an 'spose
dar' am, who think cyclone an zephyr
am one an de same thing he has lived
his life in vain. Dey amt any mo- alike
dan an old bob-tailed dog am like a new
piano. | have met pussons who claimed
that cyclones had somethin' to do wild
icebergs. Bewar' of all sich. Dey will
swap dogs wild you an promise to give
you six bits to boots, an you will neb-
Der see 'em no mo-. l have met odder
pussons who claimed dat cyclones war;
muffin but dc reatorntiou Of &, lost Ner,al
equilibrium, an dem same pussons has
borrowed my jack-knife an gone off to
Gurup without returning 1t.
SIN de fust place, cyclone has got
to have a start. If it didn't get start
it would fool arou , in some pastur' or
swamp until muffin was left of it. What
eber Sots de air in sudden moshun may
sOt a cyclone goin'. 1t am leetle fell
Ter at flist, an if it doan' hit a barn or
side-hill it gathers streSgth an mo-
memtum an becomes a vehicle of de-
struckshun. Bewar' how you sot a
current of air in moshun, espechually
if de day be sultry. No Guild man has
any mo- right to fall off his wood shed,
an thus precipitate cyclone, dan he
has TO walk to a bank an lay his hand
on de money dar' exposed. 'Sposen
your mule slips de halter an runs outer
de stable? He sots current OF air In
moshuo. If you run arter him you an
anoder current goin'. What am de result2
A cyclone sweeps ober ahull county, sot
death an destruckshun follow in its
wake. If a Guild man should enter de
watermelyon patch of a white man an
de white man should find him dare, a
current of air would be sot in moshun.
If any Guild pusson should SO fur forget
hlsself as to be found in or about an
oder mans hen .roOst at an unreasonable |
hour of de eavenin', de same result
would foller.
81 has no sorter doubt dat many cy-
clones has bin sOt in mOshun in dis man.
ner."
The orator removed his collar, took
another drink, and continued:
eff dar am any pusSOn in dis hall to- |
night, an s'pOse dar am, who would
willingly start cyclone to carry out
his own selfish ends, dat pusson kin not
be removed from dis onfeelin' world
any too soon. He am a human fiend.
Sartin white men have ridiculed my
theory regardin' de origin of desc de-
structive wind storms, but dey have
failed to disprove 'em. Ridicule am de
of de man widOut proofs.
Il has told you what causes cyclones,
an l will now give you few cures. If
dar am any pusson in dis hall tonight,
an | s'pOse dar am, who imagines dat
cyclone kin be stopped or turned aside
by bringin' out de fab engine, he am
some weak minded man whose opinyun
am wuthless. All de white folks an
cull'd folks in dis kcntry might get out
in de back yard an wave Geir hats an
yell 'shoor wild all deir might, but de
cyclone would go thunderin' down de !
aiSles of time jist de same. When a
pusson has a lame back, what does he |
do? He has de ole woman prepar'
plaster an tie it on. Why? |
Bekase it am cOunter-irritant. A |
blister on de skin will cure pain in de
flesh. De remedy fur cyclone am a
counter-iIritant. If one am movin' up |
from the Souf you must start current
down from de Norf to meet it. When
dey meet dar will be a tussel to see
which am dc best cyclone, but dat am
none O. our bizness. De onward march
Of de fiend of destruckshun will be
stopped right dar'. How kin dis
current be sot In moshunE In
varus ways, de simplest of which am fur
a dozen members of dis club to turn
leir faces to de Souf an make run OF
half mile.
A Suicidal Plunge to Death.