The Daily clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1866-1888, 1886-01-26

was instructed in right speaking was
encoursg Il IN right doing. ! was inspiTited
Ut times % consider myself child Of God.
aud % ogniz, In my youth my rssponst-
bihty b. Hon
"An1 wh-n hal left my mothers side,
and bad left my fathers counsel, and lsft ths
old heBtI uss and the fsmiy altar and
gone cot iuto ths ayenuss u the world ssek-
ing. FIRST, aud education and Afterwards po-
atiun AMI property / tell into evil ways
With the rCrOng aud lusEy passions OF youth,
with tnOss whom / mingled | found there
were courses aud ways. there were allure
ments AMI temptations that were strange o.
me; aud ] stood reliant ouly upln my ssf
forgetting tins prayers and teachings OF
mother hnI fatbsr, aud ! was eager for a
place, eager for the pleasures u this world,
eager for the happiness hni the enJoyrnents
that saw about mo AMI thus ! easily fell
In alursuents, thus easily fell from yir-
tuous thoughts and VirtaDus ects, aud from
the vIrtuOls course Of my Ito.
Tho great bane, and look back over my
life, an cjnjI up the recoiect.ons Of my
pasJ--the great bins Of all my sinfulness,
the great moving cause Of all the moral in
iquities | committed, was nothing more or
l,ss than this great gorgOn healed svii That
IL devOurins ~ many " tho peopls OF TINS
land, and s0W ing broadcast sin add sorrow
Ia this CHOSEN natiO1 Of Ours-the sin Of IN
temperance
~ vent away TO college, and there again
fell into evil courses, struggled AT tunes
with the innate manhood that was 10 me,
aud attempted TO throw 81 the growing APP
petite for th~sa things. When came away,
after had graduated, aud began ~ enter
among mon AMI thoir pursuits, ana en-
deavure1 20 acquire profession ] thought
still that | must mingls with my follow
mon. have some psrticipations in their Gus
toms aud iu th,ir habits; that | must bring
myself into syms sort Of agreement and
hnrm1ny with their ideas Of social enjoy
tncnts. AMI yielded again AMI again 20 tbs
formations thus pr0s,ptEi, and again an
again I fell from my rcctitude and away
from IDEAS that fingered with me Of WHIST
was right ana proper And thus day after
day, tins after time, these passions grew
stronger End stronger within me.
81 could feet and go that | was falling,
falling. milling all tho time. 1 saw that
there would not b. left IN mo strength
enough 10 sayN NC, ant ] was unconscious
at times of the fearful length b. which bad
tnllsn. hut | would not look nt the picture |
knew | was preventing Ia Others ! went on
and ON | went on until | brought tears
from the eyes Of my precious mother until
/ brought fearful lines to her face, until l
brought gray streoss into her beautiful
hair. uuti ha brought the limos OF care
about her loving eyes; aud until knew |
was dragging drop by drop the life -blood
from her devoted heart. ! knew that my
strong and manly father was suffering on
NV account fortunes that he would not In
his courage lot the world know were gnaw-
ing at his heart and his soul.
~ knsw how II went out to me; how II
followed mo abroad in other lands, and
knew that the falling Of his step, and tbs
silvering Of MS bair, and tbs deepening Of
tho lines Ut grief about his mouth, that bad
30 often spoken golden words VI counsel,
were due 10 the course and ways into which
had fallen, nui % the apparent hopossuess
OF my ever coming out of III m and being
reformsd and being renewed In mind and
in body
the ability In heaven 10 make obetsance at
their feet and crave their pardon, which /
know has long since been granted me, and
which shall ever see beam on their angelic
faces until am in my grave.
81 married IA lovabls woman. | married
ono who wns proud OF dispositions; one who
had high and noble traits Of character; one
who had uaick AMI responsive sensibilities;
one 10 whom the very taiut Of anything
TINT was disrepntable was like a knife stab
To the heart; but disrognrded the lovo and
devotion OF that precious vile, | went on
and on uuheeding her counsel, dlsregarding
her prnyers aui from day 10 day getting
proSsar and grosser in my Hppetitas. and
getting more brutal in my lnsensi oility u
nor pleadings and her prayers Aud when
children came Ia bless my home, even the
sight Of them in their little cradles, uucon
srious in tho first moments of their life aud
with the smiles OF God drawing responsive
smilcs from them-I found II impossible foi
mo know that l was doing that which would
sooner or later bring shama and sorrow and
degradation upon those little iuuocont babes
aud rs they grew from year TO year, their
voices cnma aud they prattlet about me; il
was only at distant intervals that began I,
regard tho future that was stretc hing far
off IN the distance before them and which
must mako either uns OF peace ant pleasure,
or onp of despair and wretChednoss
And year after year | went ON in thi
course Of ain and wickednesss, and the ligh
of my home went out Tho love OF my wifi,
gave way, but the process OF murder o
| affection could not last forever; and | saw
| AT last. /, seemed 20 mo, that she had re
turned IL TO the sepulcher in which sha haC
| laid IL AWAY in its tear -bedewed Cprement
| forever / could see that the love aud aifec
| tion o[ my children was turning from IN
| daily, seemingly by intuition. they saw
| was not him who was appointed to be the
| father ia tue manifestations OF fatherhoo,
| that | malo to them | could know, ant
| know with treble emphasis, that drove un
| at torahlo horrors into my soul, but II SCENE,
! only to drive me further and further int,
( tispair that they would at my coming ie
from ~, urOS nca lar aWaV into the uArkes
! an tpuiu. est arts of tho house, for fear o
/ the consequences Ut meeting their father
II had trieuls, friends ia position, friend
! high in authority, friends who were true ant
| steadfast 20 me. tut they too were unable &
| paint a. ma any picture that would allur
| mo from tho one | was painting with M
nNn hand in the horrible colors Of hell itself
/ They would pului me to goal that IN
| hlearcd aud confused vision would not SEE
| They woul eudvaVur to lift me up on plain
| of hope aud ssusihllties OF ambition that
| had ceased "a I've sensible OF, rs teing WORTH
! of achievements Ih'y would endeavor &
control my appetite, and tlnd It as useless d
hlni with a cotton woven string the raging
! lion Of the arid ani tempeSt-swept deSerG
| al had At times nav lucid intervals whel
/ there would come memories % mother
/ prayer, Of fathers counsel OF wlfe's tear
/ and OF cnilaren's mute and helpless look
| ami | would say 20 myself, i will summon
l 10 my aid all the powers OF my soul ant
manhood aud ! viii put under foot thi
monster OF hdecus mien that is Gragging M
/ down into degradation, into social ruin, an,
! taking asst hold upon my soul, aud whic
sooner or later will drag IL a trophy int
1 helL would summon all my powers onll
/ 10 find that ! was weaker than baue in til
arms OF 81 strong passion rs l had awak
/ ened
81 wouli 20 10 phys clans and ask Them il
| the mama Of my family aud future 20 d
| something Tor ma, Il indeed there has beel
! found medicines ON earth 20 minister 10
mini diseased AMI an appetite debauched
| and they would exhaust their knowleig
/ and their skill and hundreds aud thousand
| al dollars dtl spend in the endeavor to re
/ iutorce will, manhood and my own power
/ OF oppression, but all 10 vain.