Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1886-07-21

j OUu AAO" - wan
those who preach the gospel of peace"
Pointing to the pair Of number twelves be-
fore him, he added, "your feet can not be
called beautiful, brother" The argument
was conclusive and had the desired effect.
p- The other day Judge Neckelson went
a fishing. Becoming tired and hungry, on
his way home he stopped at a cabin near
the roadside and thus addressed an old ne
gro man who came to the gate:
"How are you, old man."
"Po'ly, sab how is it wild ~yerse'f?"
II am hot, hungry, dusty and thirsty
can you do anything for me {"
"No, sah."
"Can't you give me some water
"No, sah."
81 see you have a we'll back there"
"Yes, de wells dar."
"Then why can't I get some Water?"
"Look er heah, ledge. Yerse'f thinks
dat I doan know yer, but T does. I wuz er
witness in yer cout de uder week, an yer
let one o. dem lawyers cross-question me
an ketch me in er lie. Dat want no way
to treat ,er stranger in de town. Vas, sab,
sot right dar an let dat blame lawyer buze
me like I want a citizen O. dis heah county.
Ise had it in fur yer eber since dat time an
I wants to tell yer whut's er fack, eft yer
gifts any water outen dat we'll it'll be airter
yer's had de hardest fight er white man
eber had ."-Arkansas Traceter.
The OLD JUDGES SECOND MARRIAGE
An old farmer of Shelby county, a lifelong
friend and admirer of the Judge. met him
some time since on the road as he was re-
turning home from his law Office in the city.
The judge knowing his friends proneness
to talk out in meeting when John Barley
corn was at the helm, retreated into a por-
ton of the coach occupied by a number of
ladies, but the old man followed him, and,
standing in the aisle, addressed the judge
as follows:
"JuGge, I want to live 1000 years."
"What for ?" asked the Judge.
"Well," said the old granger, 81 want to
vote for you for Governor of Tennessee ev-
cry two years for 1000 years."
But" replied the judge, 81 do not wish
to live that long unless my wife can be
with me all the time"
The old man studied q moment, and a
bright idea seemed to strike him by way of
compromises:
"Weli, Judge, said he, let's give the old
woman 1900 years. You'll want to mar
ry again, anyhow, you know."-LouisriWe
(Ienn.) Reporter.
A CONSIDERABLE DIFFERENCE.-An AL
exandria woman's husband had been given
a position under the janitor of the Capitol,
and the neighbor m were discussing
the matter.
$50 Mrs. Bander's husband has got a job
at the Capitol, I hear" said one.
Eyes, so they tell me-"
"Wha was it?"
ga Senator, l think they said"
"No, not a Senator" said the other, in a
tone of superior wisdom, "a ~janitor you're
thinkin' about"
swell it was q Senator o rjanitor or some
thin like that, I couldn't jest ketch, when
they was tellin' me."-W Washington Critic.
BUYING A TOMBSTONE AT WHOLESALE
RATEs.-A man with his fourth wife lean
ing sorrowingly On his arm went into a
marble yard to get gravestones for his three
departed loves. Marble is always dear, but
to him the price was beyond question, and
when he got the gravestone man down to
the lowest cent, turned, and looking mourn
fully on his wife, lugubriously said: "Won't
you give me four for that price ?"-Penny
Press.
Tn Has rNyyAD ECCECT Thron u,oaGc
ago an Indiana man taught his dog, a very
inely-bred, well-behaved setter, to chew
tobacco. Now the dog comes into the
house by the back door, never scrapes his
feet on the mat, never goes to church, is
careless at his meals, gets burrs in his tail,
goes with a lower grade of dogs, and it is
feared that he is beginning to take an in
terest in politics.-BMrdette.
HE HAD COME WITHIN ONE OF IT.
Here's the latest small-boy story, told at a
Washington dinner the other night. The
new rector gazed mildly at the small boy in
the Sunday school and says: "My dear lit
tie fellow, have you read the th%irty-nine ar
ticles ?" "No," rejoined the small boy,
"but I've read the Forty Thieves"
ns- "What did you do the first time you
got into battle? ?" said a young lady to an
old soldier. "Of course you didn't run! !"
ooh, no, 1 didn't run, miss; not at all.
But if l had been going for a doctor, and
you had seen me, you would have thought
somebody was awful SICK"
HF 1t is stated that 10000 Chicago fami-
lies are without the Bible; but the Chicago
people explain this by saying that one is
called rarely upon to testify more than a
few times during his life and then the court
furnishes the necessary documents.-1He
Judge.
% An Irishman who was sleeping all
night with a negro, had his face blackened
by a practical joker. Starting off in a hurry
in the morning, he caught sight of himself
in a mirror; puzzled, he stopped and gazed,
finally exclaimed: "Begorra, they have
woke the wrong !"-Erchunge.
sa- "Mercy! !" exclaimed Mrs. Homespun,
when she read in the paper that Jay Gould
made ten cents every time the clock licked !;
II should think he'd be worried to death
for fear the clock would run down."-Bos-
tom Transcript.