St. Landry democrat., 1886-12-04
HOnenstein'S Serenade Hat.
ITS QUALITIES AND HOW 1T CAUSED HIM
TO LOSE A CUSTOMER.

Hotfenstein came to the door Of his
store on poydras street and saw his clerk
Herman standing on the sidewalk dis
Ikey Hirsch, who is employed in the
iewelry shop across the way. AS soon
as Herman saw the old man cycling him,
he said: ''Vas dere anyding you wants
Misder Hoffenstein r. Eyes dere vas
great many dngs vot wants. replied
the old man with considerable asperity,
II wants you to wipe de fly specks from
lie showcase away, und don't be on de
street all de vile dalking ut dings vot
don't hat noding to do nit de pissiness
you know
The fact of the matter was Hoffen-
stein was getting ready to give Herman
very warm lecture, when he was in
terrupted by a customer entering the
You wants a soft hat?"
mo, want tall, stiff hat of the
stovepipe kind. Something that is
dressy but not silk bat"
"Vell my trent drinks | hat shust de
hat you vas looking for" and he took
down box OF cheap opera hats, those,
the crown of which can be crushed I'M
til it becomes as fat as buckwheat
cake, and then shoot up again as
straight rs a jackin the box. 'Dis
hat continued Hotfenstien, sis vot /
calls de serenade hat because you can
volk it in und out shust like An accor
ieou you know. You don't can get Won
uf dem hats anyvere for de same money
vot sells it, und it out wears any oder
vot you efer see.n
Il don't like that style of hat.
Show me another kind" said the Gus
toner sharply. 1t happened, however,
hat Hctfenstein had no other high hats
in stock SO he said: "NOw my trent
don't be foolish uud loose money by de
Liberation. You don't haf any idea of
de beautiful qervalities uf dat hat, you
know. Shust dink if you goes out to a
barty, uDd somebody sits down on dot
hat. it don't will be hurt, und if you hat
Il wife she can wear it for a hustle ven it
gets old nnd you saves expense. My
Vlte is wearing Won Of dem now, und
dis morning she dels me it gifts berfect
satisfaction, nnd mine trent. and Hotf,,
eDstein placed bis finger to his nose and
winked pleasantly. ''Subbose you baf
hen out some night NIT de boys ind
you comes home and butts your head |
sle door against, ii you haf generyiDe |
siff hat it smashes, und your wife sees it |
md inds de whole ding ont, and don't |
4efer stop dalking. you know, but if |
you hat Won OF DIES serenade hats you |
can fall out NIT street car und bump |
your head nit all de fences around we're |
you lif und it don't gift ANGLING away"
The customer was so favOrably i'm
pressed with Hoffenstein's remarks that
he had made up his mind TO purchase
the hat. when suddenly he smelled a
very offensive odor,, and lifting the hat
TO his nose, dropped it and staggering
haaly ayoIa inn oil
"Take the COMPOUNDED thing, would
not have it. Whew, it smells as if it
had been dyed in IA tan yard. Great
Scott, man, if | were to 60 about the
streets with that hat on, | would be
quarantined and the Board of Health
would disiDfect me. What is the mat
ter with it? Where have you been
keeping it p and he started to leave the
store. Wait mine frent," said Hoffen-
stein, Il don't want you to 60 de store
away nit bad IMPRESSION of my stock
! see dot hat been imbosed on und
drinks | can exblain. You see, my trent,
] buys dem hats from Moses Lowenthal,
in New York, und he hat such bad
dot eferyding he sells stinks,
you know, und right away sends de
hats back und don't get noding from
him any more"
After the customer had left the store
turned on Herman tiercely
and said: "Vhy don't you go around
ind smell de dings vot was in the store,
and den put dem in de back yard we're
de sun will drive de smell away. If you I
drinks baf you in de store to stand on
lie sidewalk und dalk bolitics und cleo
lions nit key Hirsch, you finds out
tam soon dot | don't, you know" and
The old man grew so angry that Herman
stood behind the counter and shook as
though he had Yazoo chill.