davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12
Treasurer Jordan at the Case.

United States Treasurer Jordan recently
took piece of work to the Government
printing Office and asked that it be done
that day. He was told that it could not be
finished before the next morning. 81 must
have that printing tonight" insisted the
Treasurer. "Itis impossible, ," demonstrated
the others. Mr.. Jordan threw off his coat,
went to case and, by setting type rapidly
himself, finished a third of the work in
fifteen minutes. Then, turning to the Of
ficials, he said: "Now, when I ask to have
a certain job of printing done by given
time, please remember that know what |
am talking about" The work was done
that day.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12
The Book Did Say So.
LYouth,s Comnnnionl

Authority of the books, or precedent, is
a fine thing to back up any statement
with, but it is essential that the books be
rightly understood. Not long ago a mem
Der of a school in New Hamp-
shirs was examining class, when he
happened to ask: "Can any scholar give
the definition of the word average?" For
some time no one answered, but at asst a
little girl hestatingly replied: "It's a
thing hen lays an egg on, sir" "No,
that's not right" eyes, sir, my book saws
So" And she trotted up to her questioner,
and pointed to this sentence: "a hen laws
an egg once day on an average"
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12
Why List Became an Able.
[GalionanPs Messenger.l

List had paid court to two married
women, telling them both "When you be.
come a widow l viii marry you" As III
luck would have it, the two husbands died
about the same time, and the wooer was
naturally much embarrassed, as he could
not marry both the widows. He, there
fore, ran away from Rome, and as his only
resource took holy orders through the in
PREVENTION Of his friend Cardinal Hohen-
lobe. OF the two heroines, one, Princess,
forgaVs him. The other, however, to
avenge the slight cast upon her, wrote
and published an exceedingly scandalous
work, entitled "Histoire dun PiAniste,S
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12
The Lion and the Ladies.
london World.l

Fatal, Byronian, thir,ting after beauty
~ all its forms, Liszt was the idol of the
women of every court of Europe. 81 re-
member at Moscow one day." said my old
Partisan informant, "Liszt sucked an
orange and left the empty rind on his plate.
Immediately the ladies present seized the
precious relic, divided it into parts, and
each ate her share as if it were the sacra-
ment. A French Imperial Princess who
was present refused to participate in this
rite. and Liszt never forgave her."
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12
A NOVEL CONTEST.
The Misunderstanding Performance Wit
messed by Quaker City KnlghtS-

Philadelphia Reoord.l
Seven fat cherry pies, each nearly foot
In diameter, rested in as many plates in .
row on a high, narrow table in Quaker City
Hall, Broad and Columbia avenues, on
Thursday night. Nearly three hundred
members Of Apollo Senate, Knights of
Sparta, sat watching the pies curiouSly.
The Senate, which had just held its quar-.
terly meeting, had gotten through with its
business and the Senators were awaiting
the announcement Of the committee on
amusements, of which Mr.. W. ]. Now aters
was chairman. The pies did not suggest
to them what sort Of an entertainment had
been prepared, but when seven hungry
looking newsboys filed into the room and
began also to eye the juicy pastry it was
evident what was about to happen. 1t was
&c be pie-eating match, and the boy who,
without the aid of knife, fork or fingers
devoured his pie, was to receive one dollar
in cash in addition to the fifty cents he
had been paid to enter the contest.
The seven pies had been made to order,
and were fairly bursting with their rich
and ruby contents. Mr.. McWaters tied
each boys hands firmly behind his back,
and then stated the conditions Of the
match, which were to be eaten from the
plates, each boy to Ego as you please"
but without in any way assisting each
other, If the plate fell upon the floor, and
the pie did not tumble out of it, the con-
testant could get down on all tours and
rot,tf,,na IN fha ltCt al
heads were ducked into the seven plates
and such devouring of cherry pie COM
menced as was never witnessed before in
the neighborhood. When the line of faces
were turned up after the first attack to
masticate the enormous mouthfuls the
spectators exploded into roar of laugh
ter. Bloodred noses and chins, and
mouths with patches Of pie-crust
sticking all over them, made
such a grotesqus sight that one of the
members of the Senate burst his button,
of. One of the contestants had pulled his
plate off on the floor and was on his knees
| biting away in a most furious manner
The contest lasted five minutes, by which
time James Dougherty, lad Of sixteen
had eaten up every crumb, licked his plate
clean and looked like painted devil in {
pantomime. Two of the boys lost thei
pastry on the floor, and the other foul
finished in half minute after the cham
pion had called slime" He was presented
with silver dollar, made bow, said h
would match himself against the town a
rapid consumer of pie, and retired will
his defeated companions to wash-tub
The members Of the Senate went home Il
get the buttons sewed on their clothes.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

How many women there are working to-
dav in various branches of industry-to
say nothing of the thousands of patient
housewives whose lives are an unceasing
round of toil-who are martyrs to those
complaints to which the weaker sex is liza
BILE. Their tasks are rendered doubly hard
and irksome and their lives shortened, yet
hard necessity compels them to keep on
To such DR.. Pierce's "Favorite Prescrip-
tom offers q sure means of relief. For all
female weaknesses it is a certain cure. All
druggists.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

YOU'VE and middle-aged men suffering
from nervous debility, premature old age,
loss of memory, and kindred symptoms,
should send 10 cents in stamps for large il
lustrated treatise suggesting sure means Of
cure. Worlds Dispensary Medical Associ-
alton, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

KALo Kleans Koat Kollars Komplete-
ly Klean; does not injure the finest
frabric. Send 15c. to j. p. Dromgoole &
Co., Louisville, KY, for box by mail.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

A WESTERN compositor has been trying
to set hen to music Chicago Ledger.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

PIKE s TooTHACHE DROPS cure in minute, DC
Glenn's Sulphur Soap heals and beauties. 25c
GERMAN CORN REMOVER kill Corns Bunions
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

THE beneficial results produced by the
use Of Halls Hair Remover are wonderful
Ayers Ague Cure is warranted sure
cure for all malarial disorders.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

AN auctioneer does as he is bid, post
man as he is directed.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

THE intoxication of wealth is not due to
tight money market,
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

BEST, easiest to use and cheapest Piso's
Remedy for Catarrh. By druggists. SOC.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

HINT FOR WINTER-How to keep your
rooms warm-keep your CRATES coard.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

AN opponent Of Darwinism calls it ''sei-
entific monkeyism.n
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

"A CORES Pilules, positive cure for fllIll
NJ neverfails. Dr.. &C. Moore, ny. CITY GHlLLS
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

IT is the "duck of bonnet" that makes
a young girls head swim.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

H0E0 A MONTH. Agents Wanted. 90 beg
AII1II selling articles IN the world sample FRBK
V6OV Address JAY BRONSON, DETROIT, Mon.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12
"MnrIx. Work. Mork,"

A DENTIST Is no chicken. He is always
null-it
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

AhHRlnn Morphine Habit Cured IA 10.
HRUIM TO go days. No pay tIu cured.
~ uOBN Dr.J.stephen ., Lebanon, OhRs
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1886-06-12

a EAnRIlME esna ~ agcrcy q Live oEsre,
Al n Hin And foFrult
pfssisu a
b .dh BEEN v 10
u pay expense mailing Swapping Bk Agent,
4 re-
II Clslaui and hferIei
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
Catarrhal Dangers.

To be freed from the dangers of sudocation
while lying down; to breathe freely. sleep
soundly and nndSturbtd; to rise refreshed.
head clear, brain active and free from pain or
ache TO know that no poisonous, putrid mat.
ter denles the breath and rots away the delicate
machinery of smell, taste and hearing TO fsel
that the system does not, through its veins and
arteries, suck up the poison that is sure to un.
dermine and destroy, IL indeed blessing be.
yond all other human enjoyments. Topurchase
immunity from such a fate should be the object
OF all afflicted. But those who have tried many
remedies and physicians despair of relief or cure.
sANFORDs RADICAL CURE meets every
phase of Catarrh, from II simple head cold to the
most loathesome and destructive stages. 1t Is
local and constitutional. Instant I'm relieving,
permanent in In curing, safe. economical and
never-failing.
SANFORD's RADICAL CURE consists OF one bottle
OF the RADICAL CURE, one box OF CATARRHAL
SOLVENT. and one INPRovEp INHALER, all wrapped
In one package, with treatise and directions,
and sold by all druggists for sl.
foITER DRUG & CHEMICAL Co, BosroS
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
Curious Accident In q Church.

There was a curious accident at ST Joseph $
church, New York, last Sunday evening, re-
calling the mishap Of Eutychus in the days OF
81 Paul, and under his preaching. During
the services man who was sitting on the
gallery rail and leaning against the wall, sud
sanctuary below. A longshoreman, he prob
sbly grew drowsy and fell asleep, like his
predecessor In apostolic days Women
tainted, and there was a rustic and stir OF ex.
element but a panic was probably averted
by The Tact that 50 many saw Just what was
the nature OF the accident The result OF the
catastrophe was odd. A statute of St Joseph
was smashed TO pieces tho officiating priest,
Father Sater has been confined To his bed
by nervous prostration ever since; but the
man Is all right ana at his work apain
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
EAyORITE REMEDY.
On THE ENGINE


Running a Locomotive While Deathiy Sick.
TAUNTON, Mass.
DR.. Ddrid Kennedy, Rondoui, " T.
DgAR SIN: am an engineer on the Old Colony
railroad and run the Fall River boat train be.
tween tall River and Lowell, residing In Taun-
death from dyspepsia. Often had such blind
ing sick headaches that could hardly see. l
think this was due partly to irregular habits of
eating and partly To the Jar of the engine
Remember that / had tried every medicine |
heard of and had been treated by some of the
best physicians Of Taunton and Lowell. At this
NORIrE REMEDY wa, recommended to me
IL was new to me, and with my experience OF
medicines. you can easily forgive me for saying
that had not a particle of faith in IL.
had taken IL but IA few days when began To
get better The raw and sore feeling had left
my.stomach and the swapping pains left my
head, and soon l WAS all right and have been
ever since. 1t IL the only thing that ever did mo
the least good. and IL drove every ache, pain and
discomfort completely out of my body. Now 1
keep KENSEDl'S EAVORITE REMEDY with
Why, lbelie ye fANORlTE REMEDY will cure
anything. One night awhile ago John Layton,
an engineer who Iuns the main line boat train
from Boston. came ON my engine sick death.
lie was worn out with work, had high fever
and was so nervous he almost broke down cry
ing. "Nonsense, John," | said "cheer up.
You up In jIny." 1 took out my bottle OF
"Fayorite Kennedy lifted his head and gave
him Il good dose. lie went to bed. Two days
after l him looking eealthy as a butcher
" Dan,n he said. " what was that stun you gave
me the other night ~ at was DR. DAVID
kENNEDY,s FANORlTE REMEDY, Rondout,
n. "" said /. Wen. don't care whose remedy
1t Is. its the thing for u man on the railroad v
DANIEL Fits.
II Is Your Own Fault II you suffer from Head
buy bottle of favoriie Remedy and cure you.
apl-lmeol&
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
Flood and storm Nev..

The river at Chattanooga Tennessee,
reached point 81 feet above low.water mark
Friday evening, and n large portion of the
city was under water. The number of pee
pie driven from their homes IL estimated at
h,ooo There was no. gas and no electric
light man and child were reported
drowned In the morning. wsshouts on the
railroads have virtually cut on tho city from
outside communication, except by telegraph
The tributary streams above began falling
yesterday.
The floods In the Warren, Coosa and Tai
lapoosa rivers In Alaoama and subsiding,
but railroad communication Rt various points
remains cut of. Thousands Of horses, mules,
cattle and hogs have been swept away, aud
great quantities OF corn cotton-seen aud
provisions destroyed. so far M known,
eight human lives have been lost A
despatch from Selma reported nine negroes
drowned ON one plantation. The city was In
darkness.
Tho loss Ivy tho Hood at Rome, Georgia, IL
estimated at sl,50O,OO0 Enormous quanti-
ties OF produce and hundreds, IL not thous.
sands, OF cattle have been lost
-Four inches Cf snow fell ON Friday at Gin
clnnsti, and rains fell along the Upper Ohio.
Many cellars were flooded, and men were
busy removing goods from threatened
points The mills along the Licking river
are closed.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
ruK onANp SCHEDULE,


Had Won met her oners" Now hush say,
Such talk IL foolish, and vain, ana rnsh
II tho flying express that rushed py toany'
one. half hour sooner had passed uis way
Tbiuk OF the ruin, tho fearful smash.
That wcu,d have resulted 1.-THE wreck and
wrack
OF two wild trains on n single truck
Tho Great Director OF human fate
Makes out our time. table, gives us our route.
No soul II over too soon, or iatet
lie bids us hurry, or bids us walt;
And We must not worry, or frot. OF doubt.
Life, love. destiny, work by ruis,
IL We only will trust to that Grand Schedule.
Ana so, believe mo, Il was for tho bost,
That she was side tracked. while on you wont,
Tll now. In the station OF Love, most biost
when Peace has slackencd your speed. both
rest,
Ana the danger IL past OF an accident.
Tho Great Director of lives. say,
hhew what was right when He cleared tho way.
-Efid Wheeler UjicoI
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
The same Human Nature.

Many vain attempts are made TO repeat the re-
markabie success Of Benson's Capcine Plaster.
This splendid remedy Is known. sold and used
everywhere, and its prompt action and unri-
vailed curative powers have won for It hosts of
friends. limitations have sprung up under sim
liar sounding names, such as" Capsicin." Cap
sioum." etc. Intended to deceive the careless
ana unwary. These articles possess none of the
virtues ofthe genuine. Therefore we hope the
people VIII assist us To protect what are at once
their Interests and ours. Ask for Benson's Plas-
Ter ana examine what IL given yOu, and make
sure that the word " Capcine +" Is cut In the mid.
die of the plaster itself. and the "Three Seals -
trademark Is on the face cloth. Any reputable
kea'er Will show you these safeguards without
hesitation. IL You cannot remember the name
-benson's Capeine Plaster-cut this para crap
nom the paper marlin, w, SIN
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03

James Bonbright, Of the firm of Hood,
Bonbright n Co, of Philadelphia died pos
sessed oi real and personal estate valued at
100000. He appoints his widow and his son
executors, aud directs them to continue his
interest in the firm with which no was con.
nected, or any firm to be formed by the sur
yiving partners His estate IL div ed amongst
his widow and five children. One clause Of
the testament, which was executed two years
ago, directs that within ninety days g, zoo
shall be divided among such charities az the
executors may determine, with especial regard
for the teststor's preferences 80 far as known.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
You Have a Perfect Right,

when you demand a Benson's Capcine Plaster
OF "A druggist, TO expect TO receive one. Yet
there are, we regret to say, IA few druggists OF
the Cheap Jnhn variety who viii try to pers uade
you 10 accept some worthless substitute with
s'r - nn nagnsisine atc nseii some
times with the name "a burton" or Benton"
Cheap John will you one of these wretched imi
tations for half the price OF the genuine. as he
can well afford to do Its real value being thing
and II costs but little more. Bensons are the
only porous plnsters that can be depended upon
To cure every ailment subject To external treat
nena, nsn,ao, They are prompt, sure and thorough:
reliable druggists only. The genuine bears tho
Three Seals trademark and has the word
"Capcine cut In the CENTRE mssM WSlwd
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
BROWNS HOUSEHOLD pANACEA.

Is the most effective Pain Destroyer I'm the world.
VIII most surely quicken the blood whether
taken informally on applied externally, ana
thereby more certainly RELIEVE PAIN,
whether chronic or acute. than any other pain
alleviator, and IL Is warranted double tho
strength OF any similar preparation
Throat, rheumatism, Toothache and ALL
ACHES, and Is The Great keliever OF Pain.
BROWNS HOUSEHOLD PASACEA should
be In every family. A teaspoontui of the Panacea
in tumbler OF htt water (sweetened, II pro-
ferred,l taken At bedtime. viii BREAK VI A
COLD. q cents u bottle.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
A Startling Discovery.

Mr.. VIM. johnson, OF Huron Dak. writes that
his wife had been troubled with acute Bronchitis
Tor many years, and that all remedies tried gave
no permanent relief. until he procured u bottle
OF Or. Kings New Discovery Tor Consumption,
Coughs. and Colds. which had magical effect,
and procured permanent cure. It'll guaranteed
To cure all Diseases Of Throat. Lungs. Hron
chiai Tubes Trial Bottles Free at Cochran's
Drug Store, lS7 and lS9 North Queen street, Ian
caster. Pa Large size tl.O 4 ThSS(5l
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
Assignment OF General Army Oficsrs.

A general order was issued by the war
department Friday afternoon announcing
the following assignments: Major General
Schoteld To the division OF the Atlanta,
Major General A. II. Terry to the division OF
the Missouri, and Major General Howard to
the division OF the Pacific. Brigadier Gen
eral George Crook WAS to-day relieved from
command Of the department of Arizona at
his own request and assigned to the depart
OF the Platte, formerly commanded by Gen
eral Howard. Brigsdier General N. A.
Miles, now in command OF the department
OF the Missouri, has been assigned to the de-
partment of Arizona.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
MEDTOAL
CUTICURA REMEDIES.
A Little Sufferer
Cleansed, Purified, and Beautified by
tho Cuticura Remedies.

IL affords me pleasure to give you this report
OF the cure OF our little grsndchild by your
CuTiouRA REMEDIES. When sIx months old his
LEFT hand began TO swell and had every appear.
ance OF n large boil. We poulticed 10, but all to
no purpose. About Ave months after u became
trimming sore soon other sores formed. lie
bleod none % and %n m"ra pars S" m
less time for them 70 break out a sore came ON
IN os'n bepsa,s h tho under lip ,n ~heh % wa, very
charging great deal. This was his condition
sd srn q months s Sa sS %
was little more than year old, OF con.
fell down.. and could not move when
~ eed, having no use Of his hands. l imrne
piKs, using the CuriouRA ana CuTiouRA Soar
freely. and when ho had taken one bottle of the
CuTI.uRA RssoLvKsr, his head was completely
cured, and he was improved In every way We
were very much encouraged. and continued the
use OF the remedies for year and A. half. one
sore after another healed, "A bony matter form.
Ing In each one OF these i've deep ones Just be.
were taken out; then they Won wosid heal rapidly.
One OF these ugly bone formations 1 preserved.
completely cured, and is now, ut the age OF six
years. strong and healthy child, The scars on
strong, though we once feared he would % never Seg
% pe able @ TO use them All that physicians did for
fore using the CuTicuRA RsSxpI.s and see the
child now consider IL wonderful cure. II the
liberty ae's o srf se an" Sas are at
No. 6i2 Clay street, bloomington. III.
May q, 1855.
The child was really IN worse condition than
he appeared to his grandmother, who. being
With him every day, became accustomed 10 the
disease. MAGGIE HOPPING.
CUTiouRA REMEDIES sold cveryw here.
CurIovRA. the great skin Cure, 80 cts CuTICuRA
soar, an exquisite Skin Beautifer.. 20 cts; JuTi.
CuRA REsoLvEST, the new Blood Purifier. tl ~.
Prepared by the POTTER DRua AND CHEMICAL
Co, Boston.
Send for " How TO Cure skin Diseases"
TTNulSG. scaly, Pimply and Oiy Skin
l1OllheAuliled by GrTIUIKA SoAP.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
An End 10 Rons Screaming.

Edward shepherd, of Harrisburg. III says
"Haying received SO much bencfit from Electric
Btters, feel u my duty To let suffering human.
ity know IL. Have had running sore my
loI for eight years; my doctors told me would
have 10 have the bone seraped or leg ampntatcd.
used, instead, three bottles of Electric Bittcrs
and seven boxes Bucklen's Arnica Salve, and
my leg Is now sound and well" Electric Bitters
arc sold at nfty cents a bottle, and Bucklcn's
Arnica salve at = cts. per box by II. b. Cochran,
Druggist, lS7 and lS9 North Queen street Ian.
caster, Pa. TThxSln
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
MornERsi MornERsu MorHERsii,

Are you disturbed at night ana broken OF your
rest by sick child suffering and crying with
the excrucatipg pain OF cutting teeth II so,
go at once and get n bottle of Mrs. WINSLOWS
SOOTHING SYRUP. 1t will relieve the poor
little sufferer immediately-depend upon II |;
there IL no mistake about IL. There Is not
mother on earth who has ever used II, who will
not tell you at once that II will regulate the
bowels, ana give rest TO the mother, and relief
and health to the child, operating ike magic. 1t
Is perfectly safe TO use In all cases. and pleasant
TO the taste. and Is the prescription of one OF the
oldest and best female physicians in the United
states. Sold everywhere. % cents bottle
mAy9l-lydM. saw
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-04-03
For an Inactive Liver,

passed through a severe spell of sickness two
years ago, since which time | have had much
trouble with my digestion (iyer suppose) being
constipated. At the suggestion OF
my druggist | tried Dandelion Liver Pellets
taking one every night) l am now at the
second vial ana ioel entirely relieved.-B s.
Devan, Superintendent Coplay Iron CO., Coplay,
Lehigh county, Pa. ebs3md Tu,Th,S