Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1886-12-29
8CcBEAMs.

IL
You hunting on the carpet like thai
forT" Benedict: 81 want pin7''
bachelor; ''Want ping Why dom.
yon look on she pincushion, Them"
benedict, looking UP in surprise from
his search: See here, old man, when
you've been married as long as ] have
you'll know where TO look for a pin
when you want one"
A gentleman, talking to another on
the subject of marriage, made the fol
lowing observation; ~ first saw my
wife IN a storm: carried her TO ball
in storm; Courtsd her in stol M was
published to her in a storm; married
in storm lived in storm all her lite
but, thank heaven, l buried her in
p.easan! weather"
What kept you 50 late last night,
Archibald?" demanded Mrs. Spotcash,
"Iakin' inventory" replied Spotcash.
"lknowed it," she replied; ''smelled
il on your breath The minute you came
in. You'll keep on taking it till you
get yourself in the locK-up and dis
grace your family, and then / hope
Jcu ii DC SatlS1e0
During the recent dampness, one of
our dear girls, fearing an attack of sore
throat, asked the loan of her escorts
coat sleeve. the better to protect her
alabaster neck from the chilly damp
ness. and the thoughtless young man
nearly broke her loving little heart by
Offering to remove his arm out of the
sleeve.
A Truthful Mouth. 81 believe you.
| know your mouth never utters q
lies" replied Birdie McGinnis. THANK
yea" said Miss Esmeralda Longcofiin.
DO you know why your mouth
never utters lie2" asked Birdie.
mo" Because you talk through
your nose" Ard now there is a cool.
ness between thetw
The man who oheerfully gives up his
seat in road-car to woman who
has neither youth nor beauty to thank
him with, is making big bid for a
reserved seat in heayen; but the wo-
man who accepts seat, and scornful-
ly neglects to thank the donor for it,
is likely to hang TO the straps in the
great future.
b., at thirty, married rich old
woman of sixty, who died after ten
years of married life. Hs then sought
the hanc of lady of his own age. She
hesi;ated. IL am not acceptable,
them" said no. sob, by no means!"
she replied, blushing. but / am
afraid you will find me 100 young and
childish"
After an enthusiastic lover spends
two hours hard labor over letter to
the adorcd one, and then mars its
beauty by spilling drop of ink on IT.,
he first g-umbles in a scientific man
ner for u few minutes, and then draws
circle round the blct and tells her il
is a kiss and she, poor thing, believes
it.
Miss Keene' "Way. Mr.. Broad
bang, what has caused this change in
| your appearance" Mr.. B.: II pre-
sumo it's my glasses, doncher know
I've begun TO weah them" Miss Is.
swell, you should always wear them
You've no idea how intelligent. the,
make you look. l scarcely knew
you"
When Brow2 opened the front doc
one morning and found strange bab,
in q basket Gu the front steps, Ii,
tpicked up the. bundle, and rs he car
Fried it to his wife, he was heard TO re
mark: "Some men are bern babies
| some achieve babies and some have
| babies thrust upon them"
The prize of real estass was unde
discussion at the club. when one gen
tleman rc.narked: "Jones, old boy,
know where you Can buy the nices
little home-splendid cottage, grant
fruit trees, and all that--for song
"Just my luck" said Jones, II can
sing note"
"Died of curiosity" was the verdic
OF q eoroner's jury. "Died of curiosl
tyr" incredulously exclaimed a by
stander. "Yes, the fool He wanted
to see how Red-headed Jimmie woult
act if he called him a liar He fount
out, poor fellewt There's lots as di,
of curiosity"
SIS it not astonishing" said {
wealthy individual, "that large for
tune was left me by a person who hat
only seen me once?" at would havI
been still more astonishing" sand
wag, 'if he had LETT it to you after see
ing you twice"
| A teacher, questioning little boy
about the graduation in the scale O
being, asked: "What comes next t.
MANI" Whereupon a little fellow
Immediately distanced all competitor
by promptly shouting: "His shirt
ma'am."
A Yankee woman recently marrie'
a Chinese laundryman, and in tire
days thereafter the unhappy Celestia
appeared at the barber's shop and or
dered his pigtail to be cut of, saying
in explanation, TOO muchee yankl
A lady who had just lost her hus
band was weeping bitterly for the dea
departed. A friend tried to consol
her. mo, no." said the fair mourner
"let me have my cry out; after that,
shan't think anything about it."
What contrast there sometimes
between the adjective and the advert
Reflect, for example, on the wide di
ference that exists between the ma
who is constant in love and the ma
who is constantly in love!
Angelina, reading fashionable move
"'Two loves in one life,' how impo:
sible" Edwin, not taking it exactl
as it was meant; "Yes, rather shol
allowance, as times go, isn't it,
Angelina winces.