The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-07-09
AN ECCENTRIC JUDGE.
The Extra-Judicial Harangue OF
Judge MoCown.
How an Arkansaw Judge Got Even with =
Negligent Municipal Omcer and with
a. swamp Lawyer who Expressed HIS
Dissent from His Rulings.
Copie P. Read, In N. z. Mercury.l

COpie P. Read, In n. 7. Mercury.l
Judge McCown, one Of the ablest scar
pet baggers" who came to Arkansaw and
assisted in the experimental work Of ire
construction" was In many respects re-
markable man. He had distinguished him
self at college; had taken first prize for an
essay on ''The Origin Of Common Law"
and, not fnconsistens with such achieve
ments, had acquired an appetite for the
most potent drinks to be found in the
neighborhood. Shortly after his arrival in
sArkansaw he was elected, by the hurried
method which then prevailed, to the Office
of circuit judge. His decisions were polite
al rather than legal, but he was man Of
such unexpected epigram, such quaint con-
ceits and such peculiar humor, that his
rulings, instead of giving offense, often
created amusement.
One morning, while Court was in session
at Camden, he entered the room covered
with mud and dripping with water. Taking
his seat on the bench with violence rather
than with dignity, he opened court, and
when everyone had become quiet, he turned
to the clerk and said:
''Mr. Clerk, enter fine of five hundred
dollars against the Mayor of Camden.
This morning the Court ate his breakfast
and started toward this place with q
view of discharging his accustomed duties.
He had proceeded but short distance
when board, comprising a treacherous
part of the disgraceful sidewalk, few up,
and struck the Court in the countenanca,
knocked him down, and still not satisfied.
wallowed him in the mud. The law OF
humanity demands that the Mayor should
have had good sidewalks put down, and
the ignorance of the law will not free him
from blame. Enter a fine of five hundred
dollars, Mr.. Clerk"
"Your Honor" said the City Attorney,
who happened to be present; 81 do not
think that the Mayor is amenable to the
law of humanity, as you term it. He had
doubtless taken no cognizance of the loose
board"
''Mr. Clerk" said the Judge, center a
fine of seventy five dollars against the
City Attorney for not thinking that the
Mayor had not taken cognizance, and also
an additional fine of one hundred dollars
against the Mayor for not taking cogni-
Eance."
81 protest against this" exclaimed the
attorney.
Mr.. Clerk, enter fine of fifty dollars
against the City Attorney for protesting.
This Court wishes to say he is tired being
slapped by boards and bulI-ragged by
swamp lawyers. This Court has been in
the State of Arkansaw nearly one year
and as yet has failed to see a sober day,
Why is thisp ask the freckled-faced sons
of ham strung civilization. This Court
would modestly reply that it is on account
of hurriedly made whisky. The American
people do not take time enough in the
preparation of their liquor"
That amt the trouble, Jedge," ex-
claimed an old squatter who had been ar
rested for selling whisky without a Ii
cense.
Z" What is the trouble, sir?"
"W'y, sab, the 'Merican folks drinks the
whisky 'fore it has time to git COOL"
Mr.. Clerk, credit this man with fifty
dollars for making q sensible remark. Now,
sir )" turning to the squatter; ''you can &C
home. This country has no right to i'm
prison man who has correctly estimated
the evils of great social principle"