davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01
IMPIETlES.

Sam Jones says. ~ do hate proselyter
as hate the devil"
"Trouble in the Choir is the heading in
religious paper. Been trying some of that
festival ice cream wa suppose.
A Reading Pa, judge has decided that
shaving Is necessity, and that il is legal ON
any day OF the week. Sunday included.
A Sunday school paper was giving lesson
on Ruth. She wanted to bring out the kind
ness of Boaz in commanding the reapers, to
dren," She said, ."Boaz did another kind
wasp M married her" said one Of the girls.
A minister was taking dinner at Browns
house. and Brown was telling him about o
chased. My dear Mr. Brown" said the
minister, lyon have received goodly gifts
from Providence. You have much to be
thapkIul for; trust that you are soptented
his @ mind still iii on real estate, ITS filstciass
lot. Building house on the peSky thing Is
what bothers me now" The preacher was
silent for some minutes.
A New Yorker was asking after Wiscon-
sin county treasurer who defaulted three or
four years ago, and was answered, "Oh, the
people have concluded TO drop the case"
"Feei sorry for him, ehT' "Well, you see, he
used 5000 OF the funds to speculate on. Had
three churches. You can't really go back IN
man whose zeal for the Lord allowed Chi
cago to get the bulge on him."
Texas Siftings-"Do you expect to be re-
warded hereafter for the good deeds done In
this liieY asked an Austin Sunday school
teacher. ~ don't expect muffin, myself. but
pa expected to be rewarded with the post
office for voting for Cleveland. He says he'll
know better next time there's presidential,
election"
Sam Jones seems myst6ed over the fact
that while minister may get but $500 sala-
ry year baseball pitcher gets $1,000. There
is no mystery aboutit; the pitcher simply has
the best delivery.
The little boy, who got on the following,
hit the nail on the head exactly: "Tommy,
IL you are good boy this week will take
how good you are! But let us take a low
neck carriage SO can see everything"
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01

trousers for the first time, you SIT down
on some molasscs candy that little Willie
has left on the chair, smile swcetly, and
romark that YOU don't mind sitting on
molaSses candy at all, and that "boys
will be boys Reserve your true feel
ings for future reference.
If on the occasion of your first call the
girl upon whom you have placed your
young affections looks like an iceberg
and acts like cold wave, take your
leave ea rly and stay away. Woman in
her hours of freeze is uncertain, coy and
hard to please.
In cold weather finish saying good
night in the house Don't stretch 1t all
the way TO the front gate, and thus lay
the foundation for future asthma, bron-
chitis, neuralgia and chronic catarrh, to
help you worry the girl to death after
she has married you.
Don't lie about your financial condi-
ton. 1t is very annoying to n bride who
has pictured for herself life of luxury
in her ancestral halls to learn too late
that you expect her to ask a bald d-hoadcd
parent who has been uniformly kind to
her to take you in out of the cold
Don't be too soft. Don't say: These
little hands shall never do a stroke of
work when they are mine, !" and you
shall have nothing to do in our home
but to sit all day long and chirp to the
canarics,' as if any sensible woman could
be happy fooling awav time IN that sort
of style; and girl has n fine retentivc
memory for the soft things and silly
promises of courtshp. and occasionally,
in after years, when she is washing the
dinner dishes or pate hing the west end
of your trousers, she wi remind you of
them in cold sarcastic tone of voice.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01
Local Laconics.

Judge Selden: "When is my case com
ing up in the supreme court? just as
soon as my attorney will bring it up. He
ought to have brought it up last March,
but he didn't. I'll try and have him at
tend to it at the next term. The case is
in my name, though the other justices,
Brandes, Weiss, Wright and Andres are
joined with me. No, | did not know that
either of them had Withdrawn. We are
contesting the law which appointed the
constitutIonality. The constitution says
that all the laws of the state must be uni
form in their relatien to all parts of the
state This law is not uniform in the
fact of its providing for three justices tol
this city, while justices throughout the
point or one involving the same prln-
ciplc rather, was once taken to the su
preme court by Judge " right and re
ceived an affirmative decision.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01
ODDS AND ENDS.
Stray Leaves From Reporters
Notebook.

Stray LcaVCS FROM hCpOrucrs y
Notebook.
Yes, / understand Mr.. Halves lost $500
and his railroad ticket while with the
Knights of Pythias on their way to
Toronto. But can tell you something
else you haven't heard. One of the
knights on opening his grip to treat some
friends, found that some of his home
members had substituted bottle of
was smothcred and brother took the
bottle, went to the adjoining car and
filing q small glass drank to the health
of the party. Nlnctenths of the occu-
pants of the Car wanted to join him.
The dose to him had been a bitter one
but he~ bore it bravely. The nearest
member had a glass poured
for him. He drank the contents,
looked suspiciously at the bottle holder,
and then seeming to divine the latter's
idea, pursed up his lips and suffered in
silence. The next hand was that of a
clergyman. His glass was filled and
drank. His eyes rolled. his body trem
bled, but he outlined the convulsions.
They looked quite natural to n man who
never imbibcd, unless on II journey. He,
too, kept quiet. There were five more
glasses in the decanter, aud every glass
found patient drinker, in order that n
fellow knight might be picked with saw
ing liquid. When the joker left the car
the jolly vinegar drinkers, with their
bleached faces, looked as they had been
suddenly attacked with 4 health dose of
Canadian chills.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01
THE ATLANTA WAY.
A Neat and Effective Way of Evading
Prohibitory Laws.


Cincinnati Commercial: General Thos.
l.. Young gives the following narrative
of his experience with the Georgia prohi-
bition law:
1t was early in the morning, and as |
had had hard day of it the day before,
and was not feeling perfectly happy after
the nights rest, thought OF cocktail as
Il remedy. Cocktails | had found agreed
with me sometimes III the early morning.
So | said to myself: Tom, We'll go down
to the bar and try cocktail" Tom ac-
ceptcd my invitation, and away we went.
didn't call Il boy to lead us. Well, we
found the bar and walked straight up to
the counter, and l said to the young man
on the other side of the polished board
81 want cocktail"
"We don t sell cocktails" said the bar
keeper.
No, sir" said he; "we don't sell any
80, |Yon don't, don't sell cocktails'" said l.
well, you see" said he, ''thc law
'.The dcuce!" said l. "W ell, then, give
me some plain whisky"
"We don't sell whisky here except by
the quart" said he.
"Wcll, what is it by the quartz" 1 asked.
was puzzled. | didn't want II quart
for myself, and didn't know whether the
citizens sitting in row along the wall
could get away with what didn't want.
Besides, didn't know them and didn't
owe them anything, and I couldn't see
how | was to be prolited by paying 81 20
for a drink for myself. l started to walk
away, when / noticed sad look on the
faces of the fellows along the wall, but
|
went to my room TO mediate. i felt that
there must be some way OF getting a
cocktail in Georgia. A bright idea struck
me. | touched the electric button for a
messenger, and when he came ! said:
bring me a cocktail" He manifested
no surprise. but turned at once and Went
out. He soon came back with cocktail,
and handed him quarter, and he went
away, leaving the cocktail alone with
me. The next day three of us and the
engineer went out on business, and after
knocking about the streets in the hot sun
for some time, returned to the hotel.
went to my room, and thinking to rejoin
my friends, naturally went to the bar,
but they were not there. AS / was turn
ing to go citizen entered and asked the
bartender the same question had asked
in the morning, Curious to know how
he would succeed waited.
81 want some whisky" said the citizen.
"We don't sell less than quart, was
"Ihen I'll take a quart" SAID the Gus
toner, and he was handed out one of the
cutest pitchers / ever saw. fell in love
with it, and wished | could bring one
like it away with me- but they were not
tor sale. The stranger said:
give me glasses for each OF these men
here"
ave don't furnish but one glass with
each quart" said the bartender.
And then / witnessed the funniest
thing. As the stranger took up the glass
the 6arkeeper elevated copy Of the At
lanta Constitution, turned his back TO the
counter and became interested in that
excellent newspaper. Then the stranger
took drink, and each of the fellows
along the wall Il wondered whether 1t
was tie same crowd saw in the morn
ing) took a drink out Of the same glass
went away then satisfied that ! knew
how they managed prohibition in Atlanta.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01
MATRIMONIAL SUGGESTIONS.
Timely Advice to the Young Man
Turning Lightly to Love.
sunny Southi SeIeet lhee glrI. ;,

Sunny South: Select the girl.
Agree with the girls father in politics
and the mother IN religion
If you have rival keep an eye on him;
if he is widower keep two eyes on him.
Don't swear to the girl that you have
no bad habits. 1t will be enough for you
to say that you never heard yourself
snore IN your sleep.
Don't put too much sweet stuff on pa
per. Ii you do you will hear it read in
after years, when your wife has some es'
peclal purpose in inilicting upon you the
severest punishment known to a mar
ried man.
Go home at a reasonable hour In the
evening. Don't wait till the girl has
to throw her whole soul into yawn that
she can't cover with both hands. A little
thing like that may cause GOODNESS at
the very beginning of the game,
Ii, while wearing your new summer
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01
A Yomnp Man Suicides.

Fremont, Neb., July 3l.-[Special to the
BEE. John Peavy, young .man nineteen
years old, committed suicide here to-day. He
was working for James L. Hanson, who
lives about three-quarters of a mile south Of
the city, and shot himself in Mr.. hanson's
barn. lie intimatcd to Mrs. Hanson that he
was going to take his life, and she fastened
to n neighbors to inform them of the cir
cumstances. The report of his revolver was
soon heard, and he was just breathing his last
when they arrived. No cause can be as
signed for the act.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01
First Rain in Forty DAYS.

EXETER, Neb., July 3l.-[Special Telegram
to thd BEEIA heavy rain fell this evening
for an hour, and there are good indications
of more. This is the first rain in town and
south ot town for forty days, except slight
showers
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01
A Woman's Suicide.

CEDAR RAPIDS, Neb., July 3l.-fSpecal
Telegram to the BEE. Mrs. Robert Warren
committed suicide at the Pacific house here
last night by taking poison. The cause of
the trouble is not definitely known.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01

On South 10th street feel quite sore that
the Boston Dry Goods store is going to
be closed out to quit business.
JOHN LNDERHOLM,
GIG South 10th street.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01
sHAKEsPEARE MANGLED.
How n Scene From "Juiius Cesar
was Acted in New York.

A tragic scene, at which the on-lookers
laughed as loudly as their lungs or breed
ing would permit, was witnessed in the
Bijou opera house yesterday afternoon,
says the New York World. The affair
was benefit to Stage Manager James C
Seaman, and long bill was offered to a
large audience. Most OF the prominent
professionals now in the city had their
names on the programme for something
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01

PALMYRA, Neb., July Sl.-lSpecial Tele-
gram to the BEE. "A good rain, the first for
month, fell to-day. The prospects for corn
are good, and farmers are happy.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01

Kratkz park, S. 18th, Sunday, August
LIST, Kendall & Coogan, the great cele-
brated athletes, will again appear in
their open air performance.
Don't fail to see them.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01
The People

The Bible Society has Bibles for sale
cheap. Depositoryin Y. M. q. A. rooma.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01
Auction.

We will sell at public auction on Mon
day, August ed, at - O'CLOCK a, m, the
entire line of Household goods and
kitchen furniture att No. 1914 Webster
strees. y iN8
All will be sold without reserve.
B9fA, w. CowAN d Co., Aucuonners.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01
For Rent.

bedroom with gas and bath for gen.
tlemen. Corner ST. Mary's ave, and Goth
st. First brick residence.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01
The Bank Clearings.

The bank clcarngs for yesteday were
$447, $50 .06, Those of the week amounted
TO SO, 1876, $40 70, an increase over the cor
cent. The clearings of the month OF July
were $l7, 703, ,J2S. .36, showing an increase
over the month of July, 1885, OF CJ-G per
cent
You should .ry our full cream cheese
The bcs. in the market.
G. Is. MOORE & Co.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01

DR.. Hamilton Warren, Eclectic Physi-
clan and Surgeon, Room 9, Crounse
block corner 18th and Capitol avenue
Dayand night calls promptly attented to
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01

"Childrenp spoke the Sunday school
the story of Jacobs ladder, II will answer
any question you may desire to ask about
this remarkable dream Of Jacobs, ladder;
"Well, sir" asked little boy, what good
This seemed to be az poser, and the good
superintendent to gain time pointed to
another lad, and said: "James can answer
that question" Up popped the little fellow
and quickly answered.: II guess mebbe the
angels was moultin.p
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01

There was an exciting scene in a Sunday
school at Lewiston, Me-, recently. A mouse
came from crack in the floor and climbed
up to the superintendent's desk. Several
ladies tainted. and panic seemed likely,
when some one picked ND a bible and let it
stantly, and then the services were resumed.
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01

"Isn't it heavenly?" calculated Miss Gush,
in reference to Miss Pedals performances on
the piano. Yes" replied Fogg sit is in
deed heavenly. 1t sounds like thunder"
Omaha daily bee., 1886-08-01

The town of Windsor, n, Y, has an over
seer OF the poor who is very watchful OF the
Interests Ot the taxpayers. A few days ago,
learning that q man who, with family, had
frequently been town charge, ana tor whom
the town has buried at least one wife, was
about to marry again, the OyerSeer published
the following notice: "I.earning that -
~ Is about To marry again, hereby no
tlfy all parsons concerned that tie town of
Windsor does not propose 10 care for or bury
any more OF his wlyes."
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-01-16
ON A TOUR OF INQUIRY.
Stirring Up the Fishing Interests Of
the Great Lakes,

The Buffalo, N. Y. Commercial Advertiser
says Messrs. O. B. Written of Portland and
Kirk D. Pierce Fof Boston, arrived at the
Tiff House in that city, Wednesday night on
important business, relative to the fishery
interests of the great lakes. They carry Gre
dentials from the President of the American
Fishery Union of New England who states
that they are on tour of inquiry to all the
important points on the lakes to ascertain
who are engaged in the prosecution of the
fisheries, and in the navigation of the lake
waters, for the purpose of arousing them to
the fact that the fishing interests of the great
lakes are equally affected with those of New
England by the action now contemplated for
the renewal of reciprocity treaty between
Canada and the United States. Messrs.
Written and Pierce were anxious for con-
ference with the business men interested on
the subject, and they propose to have con-
ference with the Buffalo merchants interest
ed in the fisheries of the great lakes, also
ship owners, with view to bringing about
a harmony of action between the East and
West similarly affected by the legislation
now in contemplation in Washington. These
gentlemen will get through with their bust
ness in Buffalo as expeditiously as possible
and go to Detroit, Cleveland and other lake
points. They expected to meet the business
men of Buffalo either Thursday or Friday,
at the Merchants Exchange in that city.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-01-16
Major McRae and the saIvationists.


DR.. Major D. MacRae reportslhaving had a
peculiar experience of the power of saliva
ton as exemplifed in the conduct of the Sal
walton Army toward himself Thursday even
ing. The doctor says that he attended a
meeting lat the army barracks Thursday
night, and understanding that the exercises
were free to all who cared to take part in
them rose to make few remarks, in the
course of which he saw fit to antag0nize the
positions taken by some of the preceding
speakers. The doctors rem arks seemed to
occasion quite breeze among the faithful
for he was Immediately surrounded by a
crowd vehemently demanding an explana-
ton of his words. The docto said he was
perfectly willing to talk to them at greater
length from the rostrum if they wished but
that was evidently far from pleasing to the
army. According to the doctors story he
was laid hold of by the crowd and the at
tempt made to put him out of the hall. In
the melee the doctors face was scratched,
and his shin barked, the buttons were torn
off his vest, and his coat torn. He claims
that his pocket-book containing $5075 and
four postage stamps were stolen from him
dogskin gloves, a memorandum book and a
pocket handkerchief He says that he has
put the case into the hands of the police and
thinks it time the army was suppressed.
On the part of the army, it is claimed that
DIR. iMacRae came into the meeting, and
without waiting until the proper time when
the meeting would have been open, ..began to
make impairment inquiries and remarks ad
dressed to the captain while he was reading
the scripture lesson at the beginning of the
service. The captain however, answered the
questions pleasantly until Dr. MacRae left
his seat and walked up the aisle toward the
front. He was interrupted by the lieuten-
tenant and told to sit down. When the lieu
tenant turned away the doctor struck at him,
hitting him in the back after which the army
rallied and put the belligerent man of physic
ont of doors,
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-01-16
PERSONAL.

Mr. Lunt, late auditor of the Alabama
Claims Court, arrived home in Portland,
Wednesday night.
Miss Mollie L. ingalls, has returned from
Auburn and Lewiston where she has been
visiting relatives.
j. M. Todd of Portland lectured last night
in City Opera House, Biddeford, under the
auspices Of the Knights of Labor assemblies
of Biddeford and Saco.
Henry E. Judkins, the inventor of the
electric railway signal, is in the city. He is
arranging to apply the signal to the Maine
Central cars.
Mr.. James L. Tryon, formerly of the Port
land PRESS, has accepted the position of
city editor of the Bangor Commercial. Mr..
Tryon is an active, efficient journalist, and
what is Bangor's gain is Portland's loss
J.J. Lane, Vinalhaven; w. A. R. Booth
by, Waterville; E. NJ. Hersey, Bangor; c. G.
Briggs. Pittsburg; W. Brophy, Worcester;
G. E. Steadman, New York E. G. Robinson,
Island Pond; J. Wyman, Millbridge; j. P.
Phillips, Taunton, Mass, were among the
guests at the Falmouth Hotel last night.
Bradford Commandery, K T., at Bidde-
ford, worked the Red Cross degree Thurs
day night. Among the guests were Judge
Enoch Foster of Bethel; j. E. Hewey, clerk
of courts, of Alfred, land County Attorney F.
M. Higgins of Limerick Gen. Joseph Y.
Hodsdon, from the Grand Lodge. was also
present There was an elegant banquet at
the Biddeford House.
Rev. John w. Murphy, vicar general of
the diocese of Portland rcoeived cah1a
despatch Thursday from Bishop Healy, and
dated at Neville, Ireland. 1t briefly stated
that the Bishop and his brother had arrived
there after quick, pleasant trip, and they
would start from Liverpool on Monday next
for Rome via steamer to Gibraltar thence up
the Mediterranean.
The funeral services of Mrs. Harriet M.
Wood, widow of Hon. John M. Wood, took
place yesterday morning at the residence of
DR.. Parker, at Morrills Corner, where she
has had a pleasant home for the past two
years, and been kindly cared for. Rev. j. p.
Weston president of Westbrook Seminary,
officiated, and in the course of the services
made some appropriate remarks in reference
to the late husband of the deceased, whom
he had known as an honorable, public-spir
tied man, and of the fluctuations of fortune,
which had of late years left his widow in re-
duced circumstances, and the kindness of
friends, who for several years past had en-
deavored to smooth life's rugged pathway
FL,
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-01-16

The Mission Band will hold an adjourned
meeting at Williston church at $3.50 p. IN.
There win be a gospel meeting at the Y.
N. c. A. rooms this evening at 8 o'clock.
The Rev Alfred Gooding of Portsmouth,
n. H., breaches at the First Parish church
Tomorrow at 1880 a. m. and 7.30 p. III.
A special meeting Of the Portland Typo
graphical Union will be held at the ArgnS
Office at 5.15 this evening.
A peddler from Portland slipped ON Brown
street, Saccarappa, Monday afternoon and
broke his leg.
Mr.. Hallock will lecture at Williston
church tomorrow night at O'Clock on
"What ought to be done with criminals"
Rev. w. 81. Fem, ID. twill speak at High
Street Church tomorrow evening on "The
English church as established by law, its
present condition and future prospects"
Young men are cordially invited to the
meeting for young men only held at the Y.
NJ. c. A. rooms every Sunday morning at
o'clock
Mrs Caroline NJ Blake, an aged lady, re-
siding ON Fessenden street, Deering, fell
down stairs Wednesday morning breaking
her hip bone and seriously ln1urlng ner nead.
Early last evening as gentleman was
driving by Nason's Corner he was spilled
from his sleigh and the horse ran away, not
being caught until reaching this city after
run Of three miles. No damage was done.
Remember the youths temperance concert
at the Mission tonight; an extra programme
has been arranged consisting of readings,
Rotations, dialogues and singing. A large
number of stereoscopic views will be thrown
on canvas by the aid of magic lantern.
All are cordially invited
Tomorrow evening in the NewJerusalem
church on New High street the Rev. Howard
c. Durham will deliver the second of his
course Of Sunday evening lectures. Subject
what is the New Church and why are we
New Church people?" These lectures are
addressed specially to young people but all
are welcome.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-01-16
MUSIC AND DRAMA.


Monday and Tuesday nights, Miss Myra
Goodwin will appear at Portland Theatre in
isis The New York News says:
THE new, comedydrama,. isis" rn now being
played at the Fourteenth Street Theatre, has
been altered and greatly improved, and now goes
very nicely. Miss Myra Goodwin as Sis, is bright,
full of spirits and bubbling over with fun She is
decidedly clever, sings sweetly and dances with a
precision and grace that are delghttnIl; Inc per.
over the preceding ones. The principal changes
have been made in the last act, and, as we sug-
gested, the serious has been eliminated, and COM
edy introduced. 1t now goes with plt-a;pat gait
that is very pleasing Later In the week all the
alterations will be made, when isis" will no
doubt be very clever vehicle to show on Miss
Goodwins abilities as a soubrette actress
CLASSICAL RECITAL.
Tickets are now on sale at Stockbridge's
for the classical concert in the Stockbridge
course, to be given next Wednesday evening,
by Fritz Giese, the celebrated violincellist,
Mr.. c. F. Weber, tenor, and the Philomela
Ladies Quartette. Mrs. W. j. Howell will
be the accompanist.