Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1886-07-22
CURRENT CULIINGS.
NEWS AND NOTES.
Gathered From Various Sources and Para
graphed to Save Space.


the halter. He can not produce his med.
ical diploma.
On card. in Philadelphia street car
is this legend: advertising is a great
deal like making love to a widow-it
can't be overdone."
Forest fires have damaged few of the
Wisconsin cranberry patches, but there
will doubtless still be plenty of the ruddy
fruit at turkey time
A writer says that woman is a silent
power in the land To this a cynical old
bachelor responds: THAT will be news 10
thousands of husbands"
Trying to do business without adver.
tising is like winking at girl in the
dark. You may know what you are do
ing, but nobody else does.
At the horticultural exhibition. He
"This is lime tree Clara. But you are
not looking" Shc-"Yes, Charles, | see
1t; but | was wondering how they extract
the mortar from 1t.
- it'io uoy dDOub hNt years Olu, All
nounced his ability to frame his own
prayer, and proceeded: 80 Lord make
me a good boy, and If at first you don't
succeed, try, try again
A man Of Berlin has made n collection
Of over thousand boOt-hecls worn by
persons of distinction. Those of the fit.
r1a oh lao apI
the greatest running down
Papa, if three wheels is tricycle.,
and two wheels is n bicycle what is one
whecll' Zone wheel, my son, well, let
me see. One wheel must be n unicyclc
mo, it amt papa, it's whccl-barrow."
A Maine groom who could talk 10
French and q French bride who could
speak no English were married the other
day in Lowell, Me. They both had un.
derstood the unspoken language Of
courtship.
pa" inquired little boy, "if you
can say that people run for office, why
can't you say that people walk for of.
ficeY'' Because they are in too big
hurry to walk" exclaimed the Intelligent
father
Daughtcr-"Wasn't Julius Caesar one
of The strongest men that ever lived, pa?'
Father--"What makes you ask that
question:"
Daughter-"I was just reading that he
threw bridge over the Rhine.
While American newspapers are devot-
ing columns and pages to affairs concern.
ing the British Parliament English news
papers vouchsafe to contribute an obscure
line or two now and then TO what our
great American Congress is doing
II am struck dumb at your conduct"
exclaimed Mrs. Dempsey as her husband
tottercd into the house at 9 a. m, the 9th.
er night after playing tattoo with the
lntchkey all over the door. "W-well,
my dear" was the cheerful response.
I'm sure | h--hope it's a permanent
strike"
my little boy" said gentleman
i'you ought not TO cat those green apples.
They are not good for little boys"
"They hain't, eh?" the boy replied, with
his mouth full. Guess you don't know
much about 'cm, mister. Three of them
applcs'll keep me out of school for a
week"
The Postmaster General decides in his
modified postal regulations that four
ounces Of fluid, safely secured in packag.
es, may go through the mails. This will
enable the suffering citizen in the Prohi.
bition town, by making the proper ar
rangcments, TO get his drinks regularly
every day by mail.
The Danbury Nelos is responsible for
the story that mouse fell into bowl OF
cream the other night, and in its efforts
| TO keep afoat churned the cream into
butter, on which II stood and climbed
out. This is claimed to be true because
the mouse left trail of butter all along
the clean pantry shelf.
| There is so much prejudice against an
archy in Chicago that 1t is hard TO get II
jury to try the Haymarkct riot sceun-
drels. On this same theory, II the rioters
had burned half the town and killed half
the people, the prejudice among the sur.
vivors would be so great that it would be
impossible to bring the dynamite devils
to justice.
"Why are VIC like angels visitsg' ask.
cd pretty girl on a sofa Of her bashful
lover, who was sitting lonesomely on a
chair at the other side of the ROOM
Really" he stammered and blushcd, 81
must give II up. Why, arc wc?" "Bc.
cause" said she, "they arc few and far
between. He destroyed the similarity
almost instantly.
The Presidents proclamation, warning
Federal oflicc.holdcrs not to participate in
convention or primary meetings, is said
TO have been called out by representations
that the conduct of certain Democratic
officials In Indiana, In taking part In pri.
maries, was bringing discrcdit upon the
Democratic party, and hurting the Prcsi-
dents policy OF civil service reform.
| Buffalo claims to be the home of the
most absent minded man In the world
| This distinction is based on the fact that
the other night he went to his room
smoking, undrcssed with the cigar in his
mouth, and then knelt down and s'said
his PRAYERS" still smoking. He discovered
what he was doing when half through.
1T struck me as being little of color, .
he afterward said.
1 A train hand in the Salem Railroad
| yard on q recent hot night heard chick
en'speep coming from a freight car. II,
went 10, and among a lot Of eggs found
one through which chick had stuck il
head. The little fellow was removed ant
now thriyes'at the train hands home
The weather Is sometimes called oho
enough to fry eggs" This was evidentl,