davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
Humorous.
Firm iriends-Partners.

Firm iriends-Partners.
Telephone is feminine-It talk
back.
Drawing instruments - Mustard
plasters.
Epitaph for q cannihal: " One who
loves his fellow men,"
Curious transfornation-When a
horse is turned intoa pasture.
We meet but to part" as the
brush in the dudes hand said to the
comb.
We should think a chad would be
pretty confident of success when il
feels IT in its bones.
Shakespeare somewhere uses the
term, a mad wag." He probably
referred to q mad dog.
You might as well try to squelch
an Irishman's love of country as un-
dertake to convince a young mother
that her baby is not forward for ita
age"
There was 3 wedding breakfast.
The groom to the little girl" You
have q new brother, now, you know.
i" Yeth," responded the little one,
+" ma seth it wath Lottie's lasth
chance, 30 she had better take it.
The rest of the little ones talk waa
drowned in q clatter of knives and
forks.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
Men Dressed as Women.

Women's clothes make the most
foolish disguise in the world for a
man to assume when he wants to
make a success of concealing his
identity, for there ia not man lis-
ing capable of ceunterfeiting a wo-
mans walk sufficiently well to de-
ceive an ordinary student of human
nature. There is swing and pc
culiar step to even the most mascu-
line of women that the wearer of
pantaloens cannot duplicate. Just
look at the female impersonaters on
the stage; their walk gives them
away at once. despite high-heeled
shoes and a certain atrocious wrig-
gle that they acquire in learning the
art. 1t was his walk that betrayed
express -robber Page last Tuesday,
when be was passing from the cars
to the meal-station dining-room. I
cannot exactly explain the difference
between q woman's walk and q
mans, but you will be able to ap-
preciate it when you hear this story.
A French detective was after an i'm
portant criminal, whom he knew to
be disguised as a female. He follow
ed his trail closely until he located
him in a certain railway car. The
car was crowded with with women,
and, after studying over some plan
for finding his man, he took an ap-
pie and tossed it toward a party in
crinoline who he strongly suspected
of being the criminal. The ruse
succeeded. The party saw the apple
coming and put up his hands and
brought his legs together 20 ~ to
have a double chance of catching
the fruit. That settled him. The
detective followed the direction of
the apple and. putting his hand On
his shoulder. said. "You are my
prisoner" You see, if it had bssn
. woman, instead of bringing the
knees together at such time, - .
man always does, she would have
spread her knees apart 10 as to catch
the apple in her lsp.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
Dell Bankson's Nerve.

Dell Barksen, an oil well shooter
went to Kane on Saturday to torpedo
the Craig & Cappean well, which
had Just reached the oil sand. He
had lowered the shell, containing
twenty quarts OF nitro-glycerine, q
hundred feet in the well, when he
discovered that the well was about
to make a flow. He knew that the
force of the oil would carry the tor
pedo out at the top of the we'll, and
that If it went on up with the flow
would be exploded against a derrick
beam, and there would be nothing
left of him or derrick to show were
the well had been.
With remarkable presence of mind
he placed himself at the moth of the
well. and as the spile shot up on the
stream of oil he threw his arms
it and held it. Even then undue
haste and lack of cool judgment
might have proved fatal. but Bank
son held the torpedo until the spout
of oil had ceased before he removed
it from the well, although he knew
that only a few seconds would elapse
before the oil would be followed by
a volume of gas and mass of rocks
from the depths. The instant the
oil ceased he lifted the spile from
the well and walked carefully away,
carrying the torpedo in his arms.
He had scarcely turned his back
when the gas and rocks came out of
the well with a roar and a rush.
When all was over he replaced the
torpedo in the well, lowered it TO the
bottom. and finished his work.
When the owners of the well heard
of the wonderful nerve and judg-
ment displayed by Bankson they at
once presented him with a check
for 500.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
THAT WIFE OF MINE.
She me. me at the door last night.

She me: me at the door last night,
All dainty, fresh and smiling.
And threw her plump arms round me tigh
In manner most beguiling;
Then in her sweet. impulsiye way,
She hugged me. as she kissed me,
And told me how the lirelong day
She thought os me and missd me.
She helped me off with coat and hat,
And led me, still close-clinging,
Into the dining room and sat
Down al the table singing,
The meal was perfect; fresh-cut flowers,
The fire-light warm and rosy,
Made all seem bright; swift few the hours
And we were, oh so cozy
Then after dinner. she and l
Sang the old songs together
We used TO sing in days gone by
Ny heart was like feather.
Our happiness made earth heaven,
And now as review it,
recollect twas past eleven
Almost before weknew il.
Wesat there on the sofa then,
She nesting close beside me;
Softly she smoo;hed my hair, and when
l kissed her, did not chide me;
She fondly pinched nay cheek, and SO,
Her dimpled hand upon l.
She whispered, " Darling, do you know,
| need new spring bonnet"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
A Knowing Dog.

At o convent in France twenty
poor people were served with dinner
at a given hour every day. A dog
belonging to the convent was al
ways present st this meal, watching
for any scraps that might be thrown
to him. The guests being very hun
cry themselves, and not very charit-
able the poor deg did not more
than smell the food. Each pauper
rang bell, and bis share was deliv.
cred to him through q small open
ing 80 that neither giver nor receiver
could sss each other. One day the
dog waited till all were served, when
he took the rope in his mouth and
rang the bell. The trick succeeded,
and was repeated the next day with
the same success. At length the
cook finding that twenty-one por.
tions were doled out instead oftwen-
ty, determined to find out the thief,
and at last the clever dog was dstec-
ted. But when the monks heard
the story, they rewarded the dogs
ingenuity BY allowing him TO ring
the bell every day, and a mess Of
broken victuals was thenceforth
regularly served out TO him in hia
turn.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
Leaving the Farm.

There's Jim, that boy Nv mine
that's away to school, said a Dakota
settler, II al'ays counted on maxim
a farmer Nv him an havin' him
work the old place after l wus gone,
but / guess l can't"
"What is the matter ?"
"Oh, everything. He won't take
no interest in farm work and / can't
learn him nothing. / don't b'lievs
he knows which side to milk q COW
on, blamed eff I do !"
ut must be quite a disappoint-
ment for you ?"
"Yes, i should say it wus. But !
wusn't hardly prepared for what he
Gays in the letter | got to-day.
Hanged eff l thought he would ever
go quite so fur as he has and jist
right away from everything roorsl,
as ye nigh; say"
"What has he done?"
"Why, burned ef he don't write
and say that he has decided to quit
college and accept position as ede-
ter Nv an agricultural paperl Jist
think Nv a farmers son coming to
that.-Esteline Bell.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19

CHICAGO, May 7.-State's Attor-
ney Grinnell has stated that he has
obtained ample legal evidence I'M
plicating, Spies, Fielden, and
Schwab as the leaders in getting up
the terrible riot on Desplaines street
which resulted in the destruction of
several lives and the manning of
many persons. This evidence will
be very damaging to the men nam
ed when they shall come to be tried
before the Criminal Court.
In order 20 ind out whether the
opinion of other prominent mem
bers of the bar sustained or not the
conclusion of the States Attorney,
several well-known members of the
bar have been interviewed. The
opinion of all of them, without any
exception, is that, so far as they
know what the evidence is,it is fully
sufficient to secure the conviction of
all three men. They also bold that
the evidence is sufficient to secure
their conviction for murder and the
infiiction Of the death penalty.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
To Navigate the Air.

DR.. DeBaussett, of Chicago, the
gentleman who has been for several
years attempting to solve the prob
lem of aerial navigation, has just
made practical test that is of con-
siderable note to the pablo. The
plan is to build a steel cylinder 27C
feet long and IS feet in diameter
with 80 foot cone at each end, the
entire length being 450 feet. Beneath
this cylinder it is proposed to sus-
pend q car, which viii be some III
feet long, and carry the motor and q
large number of passengers. The
initiation process will be dispensed
with, and the cylinder will be almost
a complste vacuum. He proposes
to use electricity as a motor, and sx-
poets to attain speed 16 to 20 miles
per hour near the earth's surface,
and 45 to 60 miles per hour at an
altitude of 5000 feet. To accom-
plish this, he will use dynamo-elec-
tric motors, which rotate II screws,
and displace 100000 cubic feet Of
air per minute: The cylinder is to
be built of steel plates % inches
long and 10 inche. wide. The ex-
pertinent on Monday was to test the
practical strength of the plates.
This was done by putting a plate in
such q position in frame that had
been arranged that the entire weight
would rest upon the steel. The Doc
tor put 2,40O pounds of iron upon
the stell plate which was more than
his figures had shown it would with
stand. The plate proved itself of
sufficient strength to hold the load.
Yesterday he tested it with hydrau-
lie pressure. The cylinder will be a
vacuum to three quarter, one quar-
ter bsing reserved to counteract the
atmospheric pressure of 3.66 pounds
To raise the aeroplane with the car
attached, the machinery, and 200
persons, the pressure is S.55 pounds,
giving a margin Of so tons Of air in
reserve in the cylinder to carry
merchandise. With 80 tons of air
displaced the atmospheric pressure
will be II pounds.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
Talking 1900 Miles.

CLEVELAND, O., May "a public
telephone test was given this after
noon between this city and New
York by Count Mitkieweiz, repre-
senting the Turnbull Inter Ocean
Telephone of Baltimore. The wires
covered a circuit of 1000 miles. A
very large and select party of capi-
talists, &c. witnessed the tesla spec
ial feature of which was the singing
of Miss. Emma Abbott and Miss
Bollini. Songs were also sang by the
parties at New York, all of which
were distinctly heard by every one
at this end A test across the At
lantic Ocean will be made with the
Turnbull telephone as soon as the
parties who are now on their way to
Liverpool with the instrument.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19

A blushing young woman entered
the Circuit Clerks office in Perry
vile. Mo, the other day and asked
if a certain young man had taken
out license to marry q certain
young woman. She looked much
relieved when the Clerk said "No. +"
well. don't give him one, "she said.
''I've got the first claim on him"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19

At the foot of Main street, in DAN
bury, Conn, stands a house built by
Elnathan Osborn in 1896. 1t is a
low, hip-roofed house, studded with
enormous beams, and lighted by
very small diamond window panes
When the British under Tyron fred
the village this was the only house
spared.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
SPRING Is COMING

And everyone needs to put
their system in good condition,
to guard against disease that
may give you serious trouble
during the Spring and Summer
months. Simple remedies are
generally what is needed. We
carry very superior stock OF
Drugs and Meojicines.
and guarantee the strictest pu-
rity. We make a speciality Of
filling physicians prescriptions
and family receipts. None but
the Purest Drugs dispensed.
We endeavor to keep in stock
everything that is usually wan
ted by our many customers.
but anything we may not have
will be ordered in at once. on
short notice.
But to change the subject.
You may be ruptured, and if
so, we can supply you with
TfuSSeS and Support
ers atprices much below those
in the city, or, as we do all OF
our own fitting, can safely say
that a perfect fit will be guar
anteed. Three-fourths of the
Trusses sold do not give salts
faction, because they are i'm
properly fitted to the body.
We have a private apartment
in connection with our store,
for the proper fitting of these
goods.
Trusses for men, children and
ladies always in stock. If you
have had trouble heretofore in
getting fitted give us trial
and we viii guarantee a fit, or.
money refunded. Do not for
get that we have a most COM
plete stock of Spectacles
and Eyeglasses. Eyes that
others have failed to fit, are the
ones we want to try. Always
call at my store when in town.
You will be welcome, whether
you buy or not. five do not
keep what you want, it will be
a pleasure to tell YOU where
you can get it.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19

William Watkins, of Lockbaven,
owns locket containing lock Of
Washington's hair.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
BILIOUSNESS

May be properly termed an affection Of the
liver, and can be thoroughly cured by the
grand regulator Of the liver aud hillary
organs,
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19

A four year old COW in Kentucky
is the imother of 10 ealves-twins,
sriplsts and quintet.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19

A common sight at the theatre
Ballet girls in smiles and bald-hsad-
ed men in tiers.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19

About s6,00O,0 ,0SO worth of Amsri-
can.mads locomotives arssent abroad
yearly.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19

For q baby there should always
be . slip 'twixt the cup and the LIP.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
THE LIFE LESSON
LEARNED BY A PROMINENT
HUDSON ODD FELLOW.
rFron he E.lene. IN. VI Reat.ter.


AIR. John Eiting, faithful ODD Fellow. (Past
Grand, Llndenwald, No. AZ and a member OF the
Baptist Church says; =. have been, as most Of
from dyspepsia for ten years. Beginning with
indigestion, sour stomach and fa;Elence / be-
came SO weak that my body became a burden too
heavy to carry, ard my mind was weighted down
by gloomy despondency. After eating felt as
II had bali OF glowing iron in my stomach
my abdomen would bloat. and l was afflicted al
most constantly with a sick headache. 4 lady,
learning OF my condition. advised me 10 use DIR.
DAVID KENNEDY 3 FANORlTE REMEDY,
telling NE what an infinite deal OF good IL had
done Der. and others whom she knew. began
taking Il in the latter part Of August, and used
altogether only three bottles. when 10 achieved
in me the most wonderful Improvement. / have
NV gained flesh and feel stronger, better and
happier than / have IN ten years. FANORIrE
REMEDY cured NY friend, x. +. Hermans Of
Ghent, Of the ling ring remains Of the maiarial
fever and Of biliOusness. Mr.. Harvey Thomas.
the grocer on Warren street, Just below the Worth
House. says that II has had wonderfully good el,
fects upon him. Scores Of nv acquaintances say
that having once tried ii, they would never again
be without II. l have given it to my children and
found II the best medicine have ever known Tor
regulating their bowels and purifying their
blood. The knowledge Of this medicine l deem
the greatest lesson Of physical liier
A BOTTLE AND ITS NlCTORN--"1 car
ried the burden Of dyspepsia about with me aliIny
life. said Mrs. Pierce lady eighty years Old,
residing at Rochester, y. y. - Until about three
years ago began taking DR.. David kennedy 8
Fayorite Remedy -of Rond0ut, you kuOw-and
i has given me more ambition and strength than
l have had since was young
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19

Poor Nelliel The next few weeks
were long and empty. The spring
wind, instead of blossoming the
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
TESTIMONIALS.

To an suffering from Sick Headache and Bilious
ness
Have been a victim to the above for years,
AMI afteT trying various remedies. my only sue
cess vas in the use Of SIMMONS LIVER REG
ULATOR. which never failed 90 relieve me in u
hours. anc can assure those Suffering from the
above that they would be greatly relieved by its
use. l speak not Tor myself, bat my whole iami-
" Yours Respectfully.
e ]. II. FILLMAN.
.. Selma, Alabama"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19

The original boy cot-Cain's little
crib.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19

We have tested its virtues personally and
know that for Dyspepsia, BiliOusnesS and
Tbrobhing Headache, II j the best medicine
the world ever saw, We have tried forty
other remedies before SIMMONS LIVER
REGULATOR. but none of them gave Us
more than temporary relief but the Regu-
lator not only relieved, but cured us.'-Ed.
Telegraph and Messenger Macon, Ca.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
c.. n. BOYD
The Druggist,
MAMMOTH BLOCK. SOMERSET, PL.
A sSTGNEES NOTICE.

John BrOllier
To Nc. 81, April Term, ISIS.
Geo. Iohnson AID
Peter Suder Assignment.
The undersigned. Assignees ot
John Broller, having filed their final account Of
their trust. which was drly audited. hereby give
notice that they VIII make application 10 the
CoGrt of Common Pleas of Somerset County, on
Thursday, the 9TH day Of May. lsss for their dis
charge from the said trust
GEORGE JOHNSON,
PETER SUDER-
mayS4t Asssgnees OF John Broiiief.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19
The Somerset Herald
esr.sLss.tS ssI-
Inns of Publication.

Terms of Publication.
-, svery wednesday morning a; e. %
.,,,puzn. If paid Ia advance Otherwise 8 20
Ill Invariably bo charged.
,.,--,r.,ap win be discoarinuea until all
-.g.s are paid up. PostnAs'srs nesiectins
.,ev us when subscribers do not take ou'
-, viii Be held responsible for the SUI
,csptiOa-
s-,.s-sDers removing from ono Ost0fhos TO A.
-,,ouIs zive as the pane Of the former as
.r,, he present etace- address
The Somerset Herald,
Somerset, Pa
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19

DR J.. K. MILLER has perma-
/ (nently located in Berlin FOR the practice Of
rs rr0iesEion.-Ofhce opposite Charles krissing-
.. store. apr. 2, sVtL
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-05-19

Years and years have slipped by
since then. Nellie is now happy
mother, who draws her children
about her at twilight and tells them
stories of her truant lover. of Ned,
and the New Operator.-J l. H., in
CHICAGO Tribune.
Indian chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1882-1902, 1886-04-15

EDIroR CurKFrAis Il now fulnll my promise
to send you n few locals from this section
Farmers are pushing spring work moro oner-
gstically than usual Last years. experience
OF poor crops has done one good thing IL hss
walked up our farmers, and / don't think our
eonntry ever before saw 80 much farm work
done by this time. Should the season be pro-
pltuous, there will be better and more fruit
Of the field" than was ever seen. But, alasi
for the fruit OF the trees. Peaches are non est
plums promise o fair yicldj cherries full crop;
crab apples are now In blossom, and u good
showing as yet for apples. And while nature
thus promises prolific returns for labor bestow-
ed, the farmers themselves are not TO be out
done They also are obeying tho Divine com
msnd In Genesis to increase and multiply ="
Two happy households. On last Sunday
night Mrs zipporah Lafayette Duncan present
cd her liego lord with nav baby, a girl weigh
ing four pounds. II any Of you town folks
should be surprised In few days TO see MIR.
James A. Duncan stepping higher and proud
or than usual along your streets, let them con-
gratulate him, for he has q new big boy at his
house. lie came among us ON the night Of last
Saturday. At this present writing all parties
are doing as we'll as could be expected.
In haste, yours,
Indian chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1882-1902, 1886-04-15
R0nREB BAslFK.


About the last experience OF the firm OF
Thompson a RateliG was the robbery OF III cir
safe ofslS5, In currency, and ssls In checks
The robbery occurred last Thursday night and
already two snd perhaps all three OF tho thieves
are under arrest The safe door had not been
locked and hence TO dig out the "strong box, I"
and Afterwards chop Il open with an ak was
bot little work. This box In the condi-
tion indicated was found last Saturday IN
Cralg's gtable yard. with all the cheeks save
one for go. The old store room was open more
OF less oil day and prolting BY this state Of Af-
fairs. the condition Ofthe safe was Gsoertalned.
After the loss was discovered . careful inqul-
ing revealed the fact that John Bray, boy llV-
~ near Tahlequah who had been here some
time, all At once displayed u liberal quantity
OF money and the sams night disappeared
from town He went 10 Mnskoges whlth.
er A. w. Lubbes. acting for Thompson a Rat
elin followed. lie had len Muskogee, but was
found at his home, which plAoa he seemed on
the point Of leaving. At hrst he denied ali
knowledge, then said he did it alone aud finally
admitted that :. II MeAlesier and J. l. Jolly
were also interested and that the frat named
planned the robbery and divided the money.
In consequence MeAlester was arrested by
Doc Cunnigham Monday evening and the ohesT
hoped TO find Jolly nt ChouteAu or somewhere
on the route 10 Muskogee where the pTlsOners
will have hearing. II Is likely that the tea
timOny Of Bray will be used 70 secure the con
viotion OF MeAlester. This boy worked for =
time at Burns restaurant and may be recOl-
lected as . decidedly fresh" and vulgar
talking Md
Indian chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1882-1902, 1886-04-15
Wanted-A Printer.

"Wanted-A Printer" says an
advertisement. Wanted, me-
chanioal curiosity, with brains and
fingers-a thing that will set so
many type a day, machine that
will think and act, but still ma
chine, a being who undertakes the
most sys.emat5 md monotous
drudgery, yet OF hat the ingenu-
ity of man has never supplanted
mechanically-that's a printer.
A printer, yet for all his some
times dissipated, improvident and
reckless habits, worker at all
times and hours, day and night
sitting up in close and unwhole-
some office, when gay crowds are
hurrying to the thoaters; later still,
when the street revelers are gone
and the city sleeps in the fresh air
Of the morning, in the broad and
gushing sunlight, some printer is
ut his case, with his eternal and
unvarying click click
Click clickl the polished letters
fall into the stick; the mute inte.
gers are marshaled into line and
march forth as immortal print.
Click and the latest intelligence
becomes old-thought a principle,
simple lead a living sentiment.
Click clickl from grave to gay-a
scandal, a graceful, glowing senti-
ment are in turn closed by the
mute and impressive fingers of the
machine" and set adrift in the sea
of thought. The printer-he must
not think of the future, nor recall
the past; must not think of home,
of kindred, of wife, nor of baby.
His work lies before him, and his
thought is chained to his copy.
You know him by his work as
your eyes rest upon those mute ev-
licences of his ceaseless toll. Cor
respondents, authors and publish
ers, who scorn the simple medium
of your fame, think not that he is
indifferent to the gem of which he
is but the setter; a subtle ray may
penetrate the recesses of the brain,
or the flowers he gathers may leave
some of their fragrance upon the
toil-worn fingers. But when you
seek afriend, a companion, adviser,
guide-when you want judges, ,legis-
lators, governors and presidents
o, we people, advertise: "Wanted
"A Printer"