Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1886-11-05
"Ol.D BOB JONES'"
The Man who FIRST Said Drunk as
a Billed OWL"
A STRAY LEAF FROM LYScHBURG's ANTE
BELLUM HISTORY.

btlisJM
LYNCHBURG, VA, October 3d.
Just before the late war between
the states there died in the city
almshouse here a man of fine edu.
cation, brilliant intellect and varied
accomplishments. He was a recog-
nized authority in grammar, geog-
raphy, arithmetic, history and re-
ligipn. He was upwards of six feet
high, straight as an arrow, and had
long black hair and a flowing beard,
which reached to his waist. His
hair was black and glossy as a "a.
ven's wing, but an utter disregard
OF the simplest rules Of cleanliness
precipitated premature old age and
death in the almshouse. His pen.
manship was like copper-plate, and
his know ledge OF men remarkable.
lie never forgot name, a face, a
kindness or an insult. He was
universally known as "Bob Jones'"
He was a native ofCampbell conn
ty, and descended from one of the
first families of the state. lie inner
tied a handsome fortune, which by
some hOcas pOcus was spirited away,
and from that time he became q
yagabOnd. wiChOnt a penny or
friend. He wandered aimlessly
through all the counties contiguous
to Lynchburg, scantly dressed and
an utter stranger TO soap and wa
ter. He bOasted that he had been
in every Jail in Virginia, and was
especially severe in his denuncia-
tions OF Liberty, in Bedford county,
which he christened "Dogs-
borough" He said the authorities
there always arrested him for va.
grancy after breakfast, forgot TO
give him his dinner, and released
him before supper.
On one occasion Bob, who had
just been released from Jail, called
at the house Of a wealthy resident
Of Bedford and askedfor something
to eat. He knew he was not vel.
come, and that the lady of the
house was rarely, if ever, in a good
humOr. To his surprise, be was
cordially received, the reason being
that the proprietress expected Bob
to DO some much-needed work in
her garden. Bob seated himself at
the table and asked a blessing"
as follows:
"The Lord be praised while womsn's
pleased,
For 'tis but now and then;
Wen eat our diet 10 peace aud quiet
In the name Of God, amenw
lie finished his dinner with celer.
ity and escaped through a near
door. There was heavy frost, and
poor Bob, triendless, penniless and
discOnsOlate, must have felt lonely
indeed, with nowhere to lay his
head. Finding that a herd OF hogs
had made their beds in a grove
near the house he had Just left, he
turned in with them. He was just
beginning to feel comfortable, when
negro with an axe split open the
skull of hog lying by his side
Bob simply said, "Nigger, mind
which hog you hItr' The darkey
dropped bis axe and ran, and Bob
shOuldered the slaughtered hog and
placed it on the porch OF the owner.
Shortly afterwards he called at
the same house, and the housewife,
thinking to get even with him for
the past, placed on the table the
skeleton of turkey, from which
every particle of flesh had been
removed; but Bob was equal to
the occasion. lie raised his grmy
hands and grizzly beard towards
the ceiling, and, in a serio.cOmic
manner, which nobody else could
initiate, he said:
damn the owl that picked this fowl,
And left the bones for old Bob Jones'"
Then, raising his apology for q
hat with a grace and dignity which
Chesterfield might have envied, he
threw the frame of the fowl through
an open window and departed
The next morning be was found
leaning against "A chestnut tree,
which stands there vet, chanting to
himself:
"While live I'll live ia clover,
And when die I'll die all over"
Bob was nearly seventy years old
before he surrendered to the inev-
liable. He had slept in the woods
and in open fields; had discussed
every question with all sorts of
people, and had been exposed to
all kinds of weather, with no cloth.
ing to speak of, and seldom, if ever,
received a kind word of encourage.
ment. During all these long years
he had swallowed every description
Of intoxicating beverages ever in.
tended, and never closed his eyes
when sober if it could be avoided.
It was he who invented the inele-
gant phrase: "Drunk as a billed
Dwl.D
Shortly before the city authori-
lies found it necessary-in the IN.
.erests and for the sake of humani.
.y-to take charge of Bob, Ser
,eant Oney, of Liberty, wading
lnee-deep in the snow, discovered
IN object, covered with snow, sit.
ing on the Courthouse steps. 1t
proved to be Bob Jones wearing a
inen coat and no shirt. He re-
marked that he was comfortable,
md was simply attempting to make
"a medical, legal, scientific and
historical diagnosis of Dogsbor-
ugh, and its future prospects, il it
lad any and when he wanted as.
istance he would ask for it, Be-
ore sunset, Bob, gloriously drunk,
vas in the Lynchburg Jail. How
e got there is not known. His
emaius we're inferred in the old
lethOdist Cemetery, on the hill,
nd very few persons could find
lis grave to-day. Bob never had
mt one enemy, and he was the
lost formdable-himself.
nm AuTNe All