The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-10-21

would be the most remarkable exhibition
ever given; entrance fee, fifty cents.
Bob hired the largest half in the city, for
one night only. He took a carpenter into
his secret, and about dozen small boys.
The excitement was great. What could
n categorical exhibition be? No one had
ever heard of such thing before.
But Professor Smartee was a live Yankee
and kept his own counsel.
A crowd congregated before the doors
were opened; and, ut eight o'clock, the large
hall was packed.
Nothing was to be seen but the stage with
its green curtain.
At precisely eight, Professor Smartee
stepped out in front of the curtain.
Bowling like Fourth OF July orator, he
began:
Ladies and gentlemen, am about to
give you the most remarkable exhibition of
the age. But l must enjoin the most pro-
found attention and perfect silence on your
part to render it successful. These are
the conditions. We will proceed
With a touch of his hand up rose the
curtain. There sat forty cats; yellow cats,
white cats, striped cats, big and little, the
worst-looking cats in Yumei.
They were all tied To stanchions, like SO
many cattle, with singing books propped
up before them, tails toward the audience.
The audience roared, and down went the
curtain.
Professor Smaitee was indignant.
Il must insist on your silence, or l can
not go on.
You could have heard a pin drop, and
the curtain rose again.
Professor Smartee picked up singing
book, glibly explaining how we'll his trained
cats could sing. Call for tune, gentle
men,"
A voice demanded Yankee Doodle"
The Professor began clearing his throat
and walking to and fro. Give me the
pitch, Thomas" he said, hating in front
of IA big tom-cat, at the same time silly
stepping on his caudal appendage.
"Ye-e-ow!" cried Tom, giving the pitch
with vengeance.
Screams of laughter greeted this per-
Torrance again, and down went the cur
tain, bang.
Bob danced with rage. His own mother
would not have known him. He yelled for
silence until he was nearly hoarse, and,
when order was once more restored, he
gave them one more trial.
Up rose the curtain.
Now let us sng" So he began TO sing,
rushing exctedly back and forth, and step
ping on each of the forty tails as he went.
Such IA caterwauling was never heard,
nor such an uproar. The boys and men
were wild with delight.
Bob knew he had got to the end of his
rope, and the curtain fell for the last time.
you have violated my conditions. |
cannot proceed; l think, friends, you have
got your moneys worth of fun. But / will
sing You few solos not laid down III the
programme.
So Bob sang some college songs in his
best manner, danced a jig, and turned a
somersault as finale to ridiculous negro
melody. The crowd departed, we'll pleased
with their evenings entertainment.
Bob had a heavy pocket that night, and
repeated his entertainment in several cities
until his loss was made good.
Strange to say, from that time he never
touched cards or liquor again. The wild
youth settled down into "A steady man.
From a lawyer he rose to be a Judge,
and grave. dignified Judge Robert Smart
bore little resemblance to Professor Smar-
tee, the categorical exhibitor; but, mt
great temperance meeting given in Central
New York, he told of his own reformation
and the story of his Categorical Exhibi-
ton
A one-legged veteran stumped mp to him
and, wringing his hand, said, "Jedge, L
wus thar, an Yer never made a speech be-
fore nor since as good as the one when
they couldR't keep stu"
Doctors, lawyers. ministers, and lesser
dignitaries on the stand laughed until they
cried at this testimony 10 the Judges elo-
uupnca