Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-09-22

one Is periecC Amazon, saiu
pupil in one of our schools of his
teacher, to his companion. eyes"
said the other, who was better versed
in geography than in history, 81
noticed she had an awful big mouth"
-Ex.
An American millionaire, who was
looking at level tract of land which
he had just bought at an extravagant
price, said to the agent who had sold
it to him: 81 do admire a rich, green
flat" $50 do H. significantly re-
piled the agent.-Free Press.
He slipped quietly in at the door,
but catching sight of an inquiring
face over the stair-rail, said: "Sorry
so late, my dear; couldn't get car
before" $50 the cars were full, too"
said the wife; and further remarks
were unnecessary.-Chicago Ledger.
Two ladies are conversing ON the
qualities and dement's of their own
fair sex. Said one, with a twinkle in
her beautiful eyes: 81 have never
known but two women who were per-
feet" "Who was the other?" asked
her companion with smile on her
thin face.-Brooklyn Eagle.
81 wonder what Mr.. Eogg meant
to-day when | told him about our
new grand piano ?" said Miss Pedal
FOUNDER. II asked him if he would
come over tonight and hear me play,
and he said: No, thank you, I'd
like to see your grand father Won
der why he is so much interested in
grandpapa Y-Boston Transcript.
"She did wrong to look back, didn't
she, Bessie p
eyes, Mamma"
"And what do you think Lot
thought when he saw his poor wife
turned into pillar Of salt 2"
81 don't know, mamma 'spect he
wondered where he could get fresh
one. ."-Philadelphia Call.
The New England fair-pretty
girls. A sort of Bar Harbor for in
ebriates-the saloon. A poor drum
mer-a drummer on the piano. Mot
to for deserted watering places-shut
up. An old crust-the crust of the
earth. Why is man in the midst
of a dense crowd like newspaper
reporter The is connected with the
press.-Boston Traveller.
A Washington avenue boy was left
with neighbor while his parents
went to see parade, and overheard
the following gossip about them: "It
was love match. They are most
united couple. After all, the right
way is to marry for love-" Here
the boy interrupted with: Mamma
married papa 'caus she was a fool.
She said so"-Saturday Evening
Spectator.
Miss Passay.-"Mr. smythe, do try
some of those peaches. With my
own hand ] planted the tree that bore
them."
Mr.. Smythe, just from abroad
"ls it that large tree on the lawn -?
All, me. How many happy child
hood hours | passed reclining in its
shade" Great uproar. Miss Passay
faints.-Rambler.
First young lady.-"And how do
you like Mr.. Brisk? l saw him with
you moment"
Second young lady.--"Am not i'm
pressed. Cannot abide baldheaded
men,"
First young lady.-"Baldheaded? =?
Why, his head is not bald"
Second young lady.-"Oh, yes, il!
is--insi le. Life.
Miss Clara.-"Do you think, Mr..
Featherly, that Miss Smith, whom we
met last evening, is very plain per-
?"
Mr.. Featherly.-"Yes, indeed, /
think she is the homeliest girl / ever
saw, present company, Of course, al
ways-ex-er-um-that is-yes she
is certainly very plain person. Are
you lawn-tennising any this summer,
Miss Clara.-Harpcr's Bazaar.
Il feel as though l were in heaven"
said an ardent admirer, who was slow
in popping the question, to a young
lady.
81 wish you did," was the rejoind-
er.
"Why, do you doubt my word ?"
reproachfully.
"Well-well-they say marriages
are made in heaven" she replied.
She wears an engagement ring now.
IN. Y. Sun.