The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, 1886-02-16
OUT IN THE RAIN.


getting home" ''Well, anyway, you
must wear my rubbcrs." "No, thank
you, Mrs. Hopkins. it isn't raining
much, and beside l haven't any strings
to tie them on with" After the door
was closed Mrs. Hopkins said she wished
the mean old thing would catch her
death of cold.-C Chicago Mews.
SWEET
Sympathetic Friend-"Can't you do q
little something for Conductor Smith,
Brown? He has just got to work again
after a three months illness, and is very
hard up"
Brown-"Certainly 1 will. I am al
ways glad to help a fellow-bcing in dis
tress. am going up the road to-mor-
row on his train and I'll pay my fare on
the cars instead of buying a ticket"
THE OLD RING.
Tramp-'Please, sir, will you buy
this ring I'm starving. It's my wife's
wedding ring-I-(breaks down and
bursts into tears). CONTAMINATION
lying rascal! I bought your wife's we'd
ding ring from you only last week to-
impostor" Tramp-"Not at all, sir.
ANY, oNAoASo W LILY oCSoIIu "1IC, l. was
married again last Monday."-PhiladeI-
phi0 tall.
POSSIBLY UNWORTHY.
INDECENT Young Man-"I would re-
specially ask your daughters hand in
marriage, sir"
Rich Father Gin indignant surprise)-
"What! You want to marry my
daughter 2"
INDECENT Young Man somewhat fur
ricd)-ti-ycs, sir. W-why not You
don't know anything wrong with her,
do you p
Me-. the President, after assigning parts
to the schoOlma'ams, arose and inquired:
Have l embraced all the teachers 2"
There was a ripple of laughter which
broke unmcaningly on the ears of the
worthy Chairman. As the Gazette puts
it, he was 'sublimcly unconscious"
With a puzzled face he again inquired
if all the teachers had been embraced.
At this point Prof. Allen arose and
moved that they all be embraced forth
with. He explained the joke and then
the President laughed, although it is
pretty hard work to laugh at an ex-
planned joke.
1T POSSESSED ITS ADVANTAGES.
A New Yorker, who has always had
an idea that he would make q successful
farmer, sold out his business last winter
and with the proceeds purchased a side
hill farm in Vermont.
Recently a friend, who was paying
him a visit, asked him how he was get
ting on.
WELL" he replied, somewhat du-
biously, ''agriculturally speaking, things
are not panning out as we'll as l was led
to expect, but'-and he spoke more
hopeful 1.-THE views about here are
simply magnificent Hayper's Bazaar.
AN UNREASONABLE DlCTUM
Wife-"This letter from mother is
dated three days ago. If this is the best
the new immediate delivery can do they
had better return to the old system.
Husband (who has carried the letter
in his pocket two days)-"Don't be I'M
just, my dear. The system Is new yet,
and probably not in perfect working
order Give 'em time, my dear-give
'em time."-N. Y. Sam
DOTS AND DAsHEs
THE man who went to the country for
''rest and change" says the walters got
most of the change and the landlord the
rest.
A MAN learns something by running
for an Office and being defeated; but the
knowledge gained is of a sort that does
him no good in any other business.
THERE was a brief but heated contest
between a Burlington woman and a
book agent the other day. The book
agent used explosives and the woman
used hot water.
AN exchange has an article headed
boy can't catch isn't worth catching,
only he doesn't always catch what he de-
serves.
AN exchange has dropped to this:
AT Union, Iowa, Mr.. Charles Revere
and Miss Minnie Flagg have just been
married. "A union Of hearts, a union
of hands, and the Flagg of our union
for Rcvcr.'"
THE best thing a real ignoramus can
do is to become a drunkard. Everybody
will then observe what a smart man he
would be if he would only Let whiskey
alone, and thousands of lies will be told
for his benefit.
A SMALL, brazen statue, with feet of
lead, representing a lad sitting asleep on
an anchor, has been dug up or the
Island of Cyprus. This proves that the
telegraph was known to the ancients.
Else waay should they have telegraph
messengers2
A YOUNG man recently called on Dr.
Perkins Soonover, of Austin. doctor.
I am not feeling right. I believe a
change of climate would do me good"
care you the cashier of a bank e. asked