Western cyclone., 1886-08-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

Gladstone's defeat is no other mans
victory.-Neav Orleans Picayune.
You can measure husbands discom-
fort by the hen peck.-Pittsburg Chron
icle.
Laird Il fit.
Cobb bled.
Both-Who gets the pension Wash
i'1gto'o Critic.
A letter addressed "g'big" safely
reached Little Chebeague, for which place
it was intended augusta (Me,)
Journal
To the President: An ounce of brogan
is worth more than pound of proclama-
ton in enforcing the civil service regula-
tions.-Sprinqfeld Union.
A little girl, who was much petted,
said; 81 like sitting on a gentleman's
knee better than on ladies'; don't you,
mamma ?"-HOn1e Journal
Winnipesaukee means ''The smile of
the great spirit" but you can't get any
better kind of soda by saying "Winnipe-
saukee" in the drug store.
The price of Jamaica ginger goes upl
when the price of watermelons comes
down. It is the see-saw of commercial
adjustment. Philadelphia Call.
William Winter is engaged on a life of
Adelaide Nelson. Like his life of Mary
Anderson, it will be on sale at the candy
stores. LoaUeU Citizen.
The United States never had a more
careful, painstaking president, or one who
has made fewer mistakes, than Grover
Cleveland. Cleveland ( O. Plain Dealer.
A little child once asked his mother
the question; "Mother what part of
heaven do people go to who are good,
but not agreeable" -Christian Adro-
cate.
Wanted, A competent sporting re-
porter, familiar with the technical de-
tails OF pugalism, may apply at the Office
Of the Congressional Record, Washing
ton, d. C.-Ne1U York Sun.
Before o'clock on Wednesday morn
ing last one Of our enterprising feather
dealers sold bill of goods amounting
to over 81, 200. It is we'll to be up in
the morning. Item.
Upper said one thing that was per-
haps worth remembering in mis- advice to
young fellow to pray for the welfare
of the unknown girl who might some
time become his wife.-Springfeld
Union.
It is bad enough when young mans
sister takes his high hat when going for
horseback ride, but when she calmly
appropriates his base ball mask for
hustle, she TRIES with brothers love-
Puck.
The reason so many men relapse into
drunkenness again after temporary re-
formation is because they attract so much
less attention sober than when drunk
Their vanity is touched.-Te.caS Sift-
IngS.
Miss Florence Marryatt, in lecture
advising women what to do with men,
says: "Sit on them" We are afraid
that this practice has already been car
ried to extremes, Florence.-Burlington
Free Press.
The latest railroad novelty is a Cana
dian Pacific commercial train" in
which "half-car spaces are sold to drum
mers, who may spread out their wares
there. The train will be sidetracked at
all places along the line and store will
be opened" Exchange.
"Did you know l met George last
evening"" said a young lady confidential
ly to her friend.
"Why, I thought there was GOODNESS
between you"
$50 there was. We had some ice
cream Haruord Post.
The jury brought in a verdict of mot
guilty" His honor said admonishinglv
to the prisoner:
"After this you ought to keep away
from bad company"
Yes, your honor, you will not see me
here again in hurry" -Teras S1tings.
DR.. Gimlet returns empty handed
from days hunting, and in response to
his wife's inquiries, candidly confesses
that he killed nothing. why" retorted
Mrs. 6. slowly, "You could have done
better than that had you stayed at home
and attended to your regular business"
-LOtceH Citizen.
"Good morning, Mr.. Dobbins; sup
pose l may rely on you to support me at
the polls?"
"For what?"
"Why, I'm a candidate for seat in
congress"
Then I'll support you, sir. What we
want is more men in the seats of con-
gress and fewer on the floor" Chicago
NetcS.
Young woman of color-Tll thank you
for five cents worth Of black lead. Drug
Al H. 4 4