Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1886-06-10
wIr AND HUmoR.

Dldch bllk tlSulnF Oltfk-NOt llhudtlub
but VIC have other colors. Burlesque
Actress-I must have black. Ny hus-
band died recently. and / am wearing
mourning. .-Rambler.
Twas little Medford girl who. sent
to bed earlier than she wanted to be the
other night was entirely heart-broken.
"When you do this to me, she said, Il
wish I'd never been madel'' This is
pessimism beginning early, to be sure.
boston Record. .,s.l u.
"Mush-and-milk parties" are very
popular in religious circles in ST. Louis.
ALI present fasten bibs around their
necks, and then proceed to eat as much
mush-and-milk as they can. These par
ties are thought to be awfully funny by
the good people Of St. Louis.
Since James Parton made a plea in
one of the monthly magazines for a
newspaper without advertisements, he
is in daily receipt of forty-seven copies
OF the Congressional Record. He is IN
fair way of getting too much of what
he wants. Norristolon Herald,
Aunt Pleasant, reading composition
which has been submitted to her. by her
8-year-old niece, said: "Whv, Eva,
brick isn't spelled b-r-i-c-k-e." 20,
auntie! l know that well enough, but
/ was in such hurry to get the old
thing done that couldn't stop to leave
that of. "-Ha,pcr's Bazdr.
Missiopary-Yes, my dear sir, the hui
man frame is a wonderful piece of me-
chanism. just SEQ the power in the
limbs, and then the capabilities of the
brain. The brain, after all, is the best
part of the man. Reformed cannibal--
/ never used to think much of it, It'd
Bits.
Matilda SNOWFALL, who is employed
in the family of Col. Yerger, complained
about her friend Sam Johnsing "He
borrowed a dollar from me las week
and can't get hit back ''Why don't
you marry him. Matilda? And then
you can get it out of his pants at night
when he's asleep. ."-Teras SJtings
Ayoung man in restaurant lately
overheard the following conversation
between two rather rough-looking but
evidently quick-witted young men who
came in to get lunch: Hello, Dick. y
said the first one, whats your throat
tiedFsup forP'' "Quinsy." Quincy,
Mass.Pf' mo, Quincy, lll."--Harper' 5
Bazaar.
A husband who had incurred the
anger of his wife, terrible yirago,
seeks refuge under the bed. Come
out of that, you brigand, you rascal,
you assassin!n screamed his gentle com
panion. ''No, madame" he replied.
calmly; Il won't come out am going
to show you that am going to do as
please in my own house!"--Bronn the
Freach.
DR.. Pighead- Madame! am sorry to
say that don't think you will live two
hours. Mrs. Magendie--O, doctor, it is
very hard. DR.. Pighead- Very; to leave
such a husband as yours. Mrs. Magen-
die-And only to think; there's my sis
ter-in-law who knows that mourning is
so becoming to her. I'm sure she's been
longing for some of the family to droI
of. HANDLER.
NJ Pasteur received the other day 9
visit from countryman who showed
him his hand, which he said had beer
bitten by mad beast. The doctor ex
amined the wound. why" said he, 81
do not find any marks of a dogs teeth
herer' 20, it was not dog which BIZ
me. 1t was my wife, who got into a
rage, and they told me that this was
much more dangerous than the bite o.
a dog. Paris Figaro.
Il suppose" remarked the foreman
of an illustrated paper, THAT we can
destroy this portrait Of Gen. Hancock,
now he is ieadp" Lets see, said the
editor, show many times has it been
used?" "Only when he was nominated
for the presidency" swell, don't dc
stroy it, Ihere'l &c another change in
the English cabi4et in few months,
and we can work it in as the new
premier. "-Patsd1ay Chronicle.
Chicago hostess Ito young lady visit
ing from BOSTON, Now, Penelope, ]
suppose the first thing you will want to
see is our magnificent art galleryP Pen
elope Well, really. Aunt Julia, | sup
pose it is very fine, but do you know il
occurred to me that / would like to visit
one of your establishments where SC
many poor little innocent pigs are
slaughtered every day. A. y Sun.
SMITH thought you told me that
Brown had got along in the world SC
well that he had a carriage and pair!
Jones-Well, told you the truth. S.
You did, ehp Why, he is working as 6
laborer in the navy-yard. J.-Well
that is all right. A man that gets into
the nayy-yard is getting along in til,
world, and the carriage and pair re.
ferred to were baby-carriage arp
twins. Boston Courier.
Auctioneer Now, gentlemen, wha
shall / say for this magnificent anG
authentic Paul Veryoneasyp Come
start it at something. Old gentleman
Don't see the painters name to it any.
| where, mister. Auctioneer-O course
not. A picture like that doesn't wan
signing; it stands on its merits. Nc
bidp Pass it in, John, and bring ou
the next. Now, gentlemen, here is {
superb Landseer by the same hand
(Tableau. Melbourne Punch.
"The plaintiff says recited th,
judge, that you often deserted her; tina
you subjected her to shameful treatment
that even you often struck her brutally
You call yourself a man and strike {
woman of 25.' The wife, who is in tht
courtroom, weeping, with her face il
her hands, raises it suddenly at this
and exclaims: Il beg pardon, Monsieur
le President; only "a years. y Paris FL
CARO-.
Senator Spooner Vt Wisconsin tells 3
| uO0d story nf his d.uaarn1d hog EI,