Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1886-08-14
MY FRIEND THE MAJOR.
A Man whom Everybody LIKES.

-~D you AADM my 444GA4N-5 L4-o Ina JA
He Is a rare bird. He Is an OPtimist on
principle, and a liar because he can't help
it To know the major Is a liberal educa-
ton, at least so far as the fine art Of
prevarication is concerned. The major
first attracted my attention during the
war. He was exempted from the service
on account some of slight disability but as
soon as hOstihties opened he announced
his intention Of joining the army. He
made no secret Of his determination even
TO strangers. Whenever he saw a crowd
Of able-bOdied young men he would IN
trOduce himself, congratulate them upon
their manifest ability to serve their
country in the field, and wind up with
the statement that, although "a cripple
himself, he did not proposed to be
cheated out Of his share OF the glory,
and was then making his arrangements
TO 60 to the front.
The effect Of this kind Of talk may be
imagined. In those days everybody was
patriotic or nothing. Many a timid man
was made so ashamed OF himself by the
MAJORS devotion to the cOnfederaey that
he precipitately volunteered and marched
OF with a muaket on his shoulder. All
through '61 and go the gallant patriot
gave himself up to the work. Finally it
began to dawn upon him that he was
losing q good deal Of time, and missing
all the fighting right straight along
Something of the sort was limited to him.
but he promptly silenced all criticism
he had been delayed by 50 many things,
ne said. First, he inteded to Join Colonel
Blanks regiment, but the colonel was
killed, and that caused him to change
his plans. He had found it difficult to
decide between the infantry, cavalry and
artillery branches OF the service. He
had also thought Of the navy, and at
that very Einne was waiting to hear from
certain /admiral, who was an old friend.
After hearing these voIuble explana-
tons, Rhen would wink Significantly at
each Other, but they kept their suspi-
ciOns to themselves. 1t was useless to
make war on the major. He was hand
m glove with the authorities, and the
women were all on his side. The sacri-
fee which he proposed to make in going
into the army IN spite Of his exemption
stirred the feminine heart, and so much
was said about it that scores Of men less
ht than the Major found themselves IN
able to stand the pressure. They rushed
OF to the army, but the major still lin
gered at home.
During the siege Of Atlanta my old
friend made himself very useful, and I
think hurried up matters not little. He
attached himself to a hag-Of-truce party
one day, and although present as a citi-
zen, he wore an officers coat. He strolled
about, got left by his party, and was
picked up by the Federals as a spy. He
was so defiant, so voluble and so bright
that he was carried before General Sher-
man. In the presence OF this terrible
commander the major did not abate one
iot OF his natural dignity. He explained
his position satisfactorily, and in re-
spouse to the questions put to him said
that Atlanta was defended by 10000
men; that General Hood had 200 big
guns, unlimited ammunition and all the
supplies he needed. The garrison, be
said, would be REINFORCED by 10000
militia from the South Atlantic states
inside of ten days. To stop his ever
lasting Jaw Sherman ordered him to be
escorted to the Confederate lines.
AS soon as the major got back to the
city, he was interviewed by everybody
from Gen. Hood down to the newsbOys
To all these searchers after truth the
major was gracious and communicative
He said that Sherman's force, at a mod
crate estimate, amounted to 14O, 900
men and go 200 more were on the way
He had seen 800 heavy seige gum
placed in position and learned that i
was the programme to open fire on the
city with all Of them in fOrty-eigh
hours. He had also seen a brass banC
with instruments costing $4,000. Thi
band had lust arrived from Washington
and had been sent to furnish the music
when Sherman made his grand entry in
the city.
Looking back to those days, car
easily see that the majors fearful yarn
must have driven both Sherman anC
Hood nearly crazy. Both generals mad
some very eccentric movements soon af
terward, and my old friend was doubt
less responsible for the whole business
After loosing sight Of this amiabis per
sonage for nearly a score OF years,
found him some time ago comfortably
established In a small town not hun
bred miles from here. Time had deal
gently with him. He was round anS
rosy, and his face wore a perpetual smile
1 accepted an invitation to ride witt
him into the country, and on our trip
learned still more about the man. w
passed farm nearly all hillside, bu
with a narrow strip Of bottom land Tn
corn on the hillside was stunted an'
in the bottom it was very fine. Stop
ping suddenly in the road, the majO
hailed the farmer, blue, hOpeless-look
ing man.
ESay, Jones'" he shouted, ''that'
mighty fine corn In the bottom"
ayes, it's tolerable,' was the desPond
emit reply.
seToierable amt no name for it, ;" sal
nv companion. There amt no fine
corn in the country" always did tel
those town fellows that what You didn'
know about farming wasn't worth know
ing"
The gloomy Jones smiled with evi
dent pleasure.
'It's my opinion, - continued the maio
thOughtfully, that you viii soon hav
the best-paying farm OF its size IN th
country. just keep up the HEX 70
know"
And, with a cherry smile and wav
Of the hand, he drove Of
Turning to me, he said:
''Now, I talk that way on principle. Wh
call Jones attention to this hillside corn
Poor fellow he looks at that too muc
anyhow. / made him look on the brigt
side Of things, and whOOped hiEa NJ
that's the way to do it.
Throughout our ride this rosy, snni
ing old man stopped every man, woma
and child, and gave them Just such