The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1886-09-24
VOL. XXXI----NO. 80.
VARIETIES,

President Eliot of Harvard College, re-
marks: 81 recognize but one mental acqui-
siton as an essential part OF the education of
lady or gentleman-namely, an accurate
and refined use of the mother tongue"
When you talk keep your hands STILL
Cultivate the habit of listening TO others 1t
will make you an invaluable member of soCie-
ty, to say nothing of the advantage it will be
to you when you marry. Every man likes
to talk about himself. A good listener makes
a delightful wife.
-Mamma-"Now, Effle, am going to al
low you to sit at the table with all the COM
pany, but you must not forget to be polite
and say, Yes, please and No, thank YOU"
Effie with an unlimited capacity for dinner)
-"All right, ma, but I don't think shall
have to say No, thank you"
"A visitor in the country, seeing q very
| Old peasant woman doing at her cottage
door, asked little boy Of six or seven years,
who happened 10 be playing near by, how
child, politely, "but she must be very old
She has been here ever since l can remem-
ber."
"A gentleman once asked little girl, al
only child, how many sisters she had, and
was told "three or four" Her mother asked
Mary, when they were alone, what induced
her to tell such an untruth. "Why, mamma"
cried Mary, II did not want him to think
you were 80 poor that you hadn't but one
child"
Two fashionable young ladies were walk
ing down the street, one on each side of q
young gentleman, who was extremely nobby
in attire, yet very small in stature. A street
gamin grnned at them, then remarked dryly,
much to the discontinue ofthe dude, There
amt much in that sandwich"
-Mamma-"Did you enjoy the reception
last evening dear?" Clara-"Oh, ever so
much 1t was simply delicious Imet Mr..
Albion, and his manner is just perfectly ex-
quisite. We danced ever 80 many tines
Mamma-"Mr. Albions Where is this charm
ing young gentleman from D.? Clara-"I think
he is from Chicago, but his manner ia 30 per-
fectly English that you would think he had
always lived in New York"
Printers have much to endure. A morn
ing paper that had sub-edited cheap "ad,"
received the following lucid complaint:
"Pleas insurt the abuve as 1t is roste down,
not alter 1t as it ware last weak pleas" This
is how it was "roate:" "a respectful woman
age AZ as good plane cook rust-wurthey to
eddy or small fanely good refferenc. address,,
&c" 1t only remains to add that tho writ.
ing of this was fully as original as tho SPELL
ing.
My son, In letter writing be entertaining,
be amusing, be brief, and, II you can, be fun
ny. A funny letter 10 always welcome. But
don't be funny if you can't Don't, oh, my
son. don't try to be funny. Unless you are
morally certain that your fun is funny fun,
save it for sermon. Nothing in all .his
world is so fiat, inspid, tasteless. vapid, ut
terly savorless as flat fun. 1t is heavier than
stupidity, staler than dullness, blsnker than
vacancy-BWdette.
oc he, III n. O.. 81
Johnson, of dictionary fame, never could be
persuaded to believe that the awful earth
quake of Lisbon, by which sixty thousand
people persisted, was true at all. He pooh
poohed 1t as hoax. But he believed in the
"Cock-ane ghost" and used to touch every
post and tree that he passed, going back, IL
he missed one, to touch it. The doctor was
curious mixture of superstition and skeptic-
ism.
Pause before you follow the example. A
mule laden with salt, an ass laden with wool,
went over q brook together. By chance the
mules pack became wetted, the salt melted,
and his burden became lighter. After they
had passed. the mule told his good fortune to
the ass, who, thinking to speed as we'll, wet
ted his pack at the next water; but his load
became the heavier, aud he broke down
under it. That which helps one person many
hinder another.
Two bright boys were riding in Mar
ket street car, when very fat woman got
aboard, and squeezed in between them.-
Naturally they suffered good deal /; but they
exchanged glances and words of comfort be-
hind the broad back. ut really makes me
feel like perfect flat" whispered George. II
suppose this is what Shakespeare meant" re-
piled Jack, "when he said that some folks have
greatness thrust upon them" Don't jest,
jack" murmured his companion, this 10 not
a thing to be made light Of"
-"Look here waiter, this piece of cheese Is
mouldy."
The waiter looked at the piece of cheese
blue on top, and did not look nice. Taking
it in his hand, he turned it upside-dovn Oh
the plate, so that the good side was upper
most and remarked:
Where that's the HaY IL helongan