The Portland daily press., 1886-03-20
NEW PUBLICATIONS.

how 10 U6 happy 1uOuS1 GddLllcu Dy d
graduate in the University Of Matrimony.
New York: Charles Scribner's Sons; Port
land: Hoyt, Fogg & Donham.) A peculiar
title, given no doubt, to pique curiosity.
Books on courtship and marriage used to ap-
pear frequently OF late years they have net
been numerous. The volume before us, has,
therefore, the advantage of comparative uOv
city, which is further enhanced by It's piq-
uant style. 1t is for the most part a compi-
lation of what others have said, for and
against the married state. Happily the eu-
logies far outnumber the satires, and are ut
tered by those who know all about it. The
objections to matrimony are almost all made
by crusty old bachelors who conjure up i'm
ages to brighten the doubling and fearful. To
offset these we have the encomiums of
Shakespeare, Milton, Cowper, Wordsworth,
Tennyson, Longfellow and others among
the poets, and Carlyle, John Stuart Mill, Au-
guste Comte, De Tocqueville, Lamartine, as
we'll as numerous other authors of nigh and
low degree.
We are apt to think less favorably of the
French in this connection than of ourselves.
Yet some of the happiest experiences on rec
ord have been recorded by French writers,
one of whom says his wife's face was per-
feet mirror of his own moods, beaming with
light when he was himself animated by no
BILE impulses and visibly clouded when he
did or meditated anything unworthy Of
man of honor.
How to select good wife. or recognize in
the sutor the man who will make good
husband, is an important question, which is
discussed with spirit and good sense. AS to
the qualities which insure happiness In the
married state, they are set down in the order
of beauty industry, intelligence, piety and
amiability as the highest. II beauty is the
first to attract it is also the first to lose the
power to please
1t is assumed that the season of courtship
is often an illusory one, because both parties
are on their best behavior, consciously or
unconsciOusly using more or less. deception
even. This may be true of some, but we are
sure that it is not Of all. Married people not
a few are unaware of any difference, and
know that neither interest, esteem or admirs
alton suffered any diminutiOn after mar
riage. Of course these are the wise ones, who
know that false. appearances in courtship
must be fatal to happiness in marriage, and
would diSdain to assume to be what they
were not. To be natural and sincere, not de-
string to pass for what one is not, is the sur
est passport to respect confidence and love.
Perhaps the greatest obstacle to marriage
at the present day is the feeling, now so gen.
eral, that young people must begin, as to
style of living, where their parents leave off.
Acting on this principle, their parents could
not have married young, If at all Formerly
young married people were not ashamed OF
very modest and limited outfit. A small
house was taken, the furniture was simple
and inexpensive, and the wife was able and
willing to Superintend the homework, and
Oftener than not do part OF 1t--Often good
part-herself.
The present fashion is for everyone to i'm
itate and emulate the wealthy. A snowy
wedding, with an ostentatiouS display of
wedding gifts, catalogued and published-is
followed by boarding in fashionable hotel,
or housekeeping on scale suitable only to
those whose money has been made instead
of to be made Beginning in this way, what
wonder that the subsequent family record is
anything but agreeable. To keep up APP
pearances it becomes necessary to incur
debts, borrow trouble, and,for years, if not
for life, have a hard struggle to keep the head
above water. How much more sensible
would it be for our young folks to do in this
matter as their parents and grandparents
did before them. Only those who are wise
and prudent enough to do so will become the
solid men and envied women Of the future.
We all have to choose between the gratifica-
ton of youthful vanity. followed by endless
embarrassmentS, and that manly lndepen
dence, which usually is the necessary condi-
ton of future confidence and respect.
Perhaps parents are more to be blamed
than their children for the fashionable folly
of which we speak. However this may be,
there is no doubt that the evil has assumed
such dangerous proportions as to deter many
young men from matrlmOny. In advocating
reform and the introduction, or rather resto
ration of better and purer social ordering
of early married life, we make an appeal to
old and young. We can assure both parents
and children that all concerned will fn1
their happiness, present and prospective, in
timately CONNECTED with correct views and
kNk
subject In this, as in other relations OF life,
few things are more imperatiyely needed
among us than courage, honesty, and the
good sense which will prefer future gold to
present glitter, solid comfort to silly show,
and honest realities to short-lived shamS.
Speaking generally, Americans are not de-
ficient in good sense, and they have an eye to
the practical. How, then, are we to account
for the marked exception which has obtained
so widely in much that relates to "wed-
dingS" and early married life? Doubtless
several answers may be truthfully given,
but is not this one of them? Mothers are
ambitious to have it thought that their
daughters have married vel" in the sense
of wealth acquired, or rapidly to be acquired
by reason Of the husbands position, business
abilities or family connections. Unhappily,
their comparative ignorance of the world
leads them to imagine that SNOWY. wedding,
an elegant trOusseau and costly furniture,
will impress their acquaintance with the
Wed. SO bright are her prospects in the new
role of wife. Where there is so much show
they fancy beholders will infer a good deal
of substance. The fact, however, IS quite st
variance with this fond fancy. 1nsteaa OF
admiring, or being dazzled, doubts. Of the
ability to make such display are INDUCED
In on all sides. If these mothers could near
NAH OF what is said, or know tenth part OF
what is thought, by many who offer congrat77
ulationS with so much effusiOn, they. would
Ieallze how seldom the outside world is I'M
posed on by appearances.
Inc prevalence of these false views is to |
De deprecated chiefly on account of those Sc |
rlously and permanently affected-the youth |
OF our country. They should be taught by |
their elders, and themselves believe. that |
outward circumstances have far less to do |
with happiness, than character and correct |
habits, which must be formed early in life. |
Remove the eXcreScenoes we have referred |
to above from marriage, and it at once be- |
comes again what the poet described 1.-THE |
fairest flower that bloomed in Eden the |
only bliss that wholly survived the loss of |