The Harrison times. (Harrison, Boone Co., Ark) 1876-1938, 1886-09-04
Old Bachelors Versus Old Maids.

is always tryln' to get over bein'
an old maid, but an old bachelor
don't worry himself, cause he
knows he kin let up on bein' an
old bachelor any time he wants to;
but when an old maid gets in. the
habit of bein' an old maid she
most always finds it hard work to
break off. An old bachelor has a
heap more fun than married
man does anyhow, cause he kin
do Jest as he darn please and that's
fun enough for anybody. Pa seq
n married man is good deal like
a sewing machine cause he is
generally run by q woman. l
guess that's pretty much SO; but
an old bachelor amt run by any
erybody; he's just as free and con-
tented as pollywog in a mud
puddle, or he would be if the old
maids and widders and such like
would only let him alone; but they
won't; jest rs soon as an old baehe-
lor comes anywhere in sight they
take after him like our old dog
takes after Tom cat, and once in
a while they ketsch him, but not
often.
| never knowed of but one old
bachelor wot the wimmen was too
many for, and there was some ex-
cuse for him, cause the woman
wot surrounded him was q widder.
Pa seq a man can make out to hold
the fort again an old maid, but
when it comes to a widder Teller
might as we'll surrender first as
last, cause he can't help himself,
any more than a woman kin help
talkin' about the neighbors.
Pas youngest brother, Uncle
Bill, is a bachelor. He lives out
West on cattle ranch. He came
East last spring to see pa, and
STAYED morn a month. He would
have stayed longer if it hadn't
b zen for Aunt Hannah. She fell
in love with Uncle Bill as soon as
she seed him. You see Uncle
Bill is awful nervous and bashful
He is so 'fraid of girls and win,
men that he dasen't look at EN-
only ma. Uncle Bill amt half as
much afraid of ma as pa is. It's
kinder curious, but it's SO. 10th,
Ell day when that pretty Holmes
girl took dinner at our house pa
wasn't at home, SO ma asked I'm
Gle Bill if he would wait on the
folks, so he took right hold, but
he was so frustrated cause the
Holms girl was there that he hi
ma on the ear with dish of peas
and about pint of 'em rolled
down the back of her neck. Uncle
, Bill tried to 'pologize, but ma tolc
him rot to mention it, cause il
was all right, and axidents woulC
. happen even in the best regulated
S families, or something like that
! But if it had been pa who acted al
s careless as that with green peas
ma would have blowed him up sky
high and no mistake.
But the way Aunt Hannah act
ed about Uncle Bill beat anything
| ever did see. She follered him
around and smiled at him, anC
reeled off poetry to him from
mornin' to night, and it made hin
50 nervous thrt | guess he Otter
wished he was dead, and
shouldn't wonder q bit if he wish,
ed she was too. 1t worried him
so after awhile that he spent most
, of the time in the constable
Aunt Hannah never went to the
constable, so | reckon Uncle Bill
felt kinder safe out there. tho't
Aunt seemed kinder discouraged
about the way Uncle Bill SHE'D
when he see her comm, but she
J didn't let up on him mite; her
motto seemed TO be: "If at first
you don't succeed, try, try, again.
l One day a Gypsie family came
along, and asked pa if he'd let EN-
camp out by the roadside q little
ways from our house; pa told them
they might if they wouldn't burr
up the fence nor steal nothin'
They sed they wouldn't burn nc