Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1886-11-17
WOES OF A CANDIDATE
Ichemes That are Devised for Max
ing Politicians Come Down
With the Cash.

A young man wearing a serious air
and bilious-looking straw hat walked
Oriskly into the sheriff's office. The
binding of his Prince Albert coat had
loosened its hold in many places, and
The lapels bore the finger marks Of
long struggle with hard times. 4
trayed black tie had climbed high on
IN oyerworked collar, and his shoes
looked as if they wanted to breathe
away their wearied spirits on garbage
pile.
In tones mysterious and deferential,
and With very-lmportant-bnslness ex-
preston on his face, he inquired for
Canute r. Matson, the Republican can
iidate for sheriff. Being shown into
that gentleman's private Office, he took
the candidate aside and began:
Mr.. MatSOn, have the honor to be
grand worthy Begun Of the Desplaines
street Scandinavian Incorruptible Po-
utical and SocIsl Club. We have on
our roles the names of 500 Of the most
influential citizens on the west side.
We are independent in politics, but
having investigated the character OF
~
That's ali right; how much do you
want?" interrupted Mr.. Matson.
I'VE don't ask anything for our sup
port. but We are"
"Certainly-I understand-yOu are
going to lit up headquarters for the
purpose OF carrying on an unrelentlng
warfare against corruption IN politics.
How would flyer suit you?"
The young man took the pr0ffeIed
bank note and departed.
That's the hundred and fiftieth club
I've been asked to help" the big blonde
candidate sighed. ''Every ward has a
half-dozen. There are MatsOn clubs.
Davis clubs, clubs with fancful names,
and clubs without names. a half-dozen
needy gentlemen get together in the
back room of a saloon and organize 4
club. They have letter-heads printed
and let themselves looS on the candi-
dates who are fools enough to be bled
and the club has served its pur-
pose.n
"Are any other schemes worked on
luckleSs candidates?"
Mr. Matson turned an injured, iD-
credulous expression on the ques-
toner.
Look at this" he said, as he pulled
q drawer from his desk. 1t contained
three or four dozen blue, red, yellow,
lavender, or rose-colored bits of paste
board. "All tickets to benefits that
will never benefit anybody except the
committee; for balls which no one will
dance. and entertainments that will
entertain only few fellows in hard
luck.
"what else? Well, cast ysur eye
over that" and the weary candidate
took a religious weekly paper off his
desk.
In one OF the columns was number
of cards printed IN large display type:
"Vote for e. r. Matson for sheriff, y
was marked with heavy-blue pencil
lines. "Vote for George r. Davis fer
treasurer" "VOte for Michael Sch
weisthal for treasurer, and on through
the list Of candidates Of both parties
the advertisement ran.
Nobody escaped, you see, Wen
all get the bills before election. l did
not order the card, and the other can
didates were probably not consulted.
This is the newest scheme that has
been sprung on US, and it looks like a
good one.
That isn't all. Fifty newspapers
have been started since the campaign
began. Either of them will support
the candidate who gives 1t the most
money. Each has large circulation
among the labOring classes; it IS a
family paper and reaches every home
in Chicago. Then come the illustrated
papers. They will print your picture
and a sketch of your life for a consider
at on. Then you will be asked to pur-
chase thousand or two copies"
"Do these fellows make any
money!"
They must profit by their schemes
/ or there wouldn't be so many of them.
Many weak -kneed candidates give up.
/ The touchers' often make threats Ol
opposing the election of candidates
who refuse to come down, and scare
them into buying the schemers OFF. a
candidates life is an unhappy one
There comes Suspicious-lOOking party,
He probably has child to bury, or his
! mother-in-law is dying, or his landlord
! is about to turn him into the street
He's lifelong Republican, and car
help me IN his ward. I'll just step out
at the side door. Good-day."