The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1886-09-01

presents, ''is not civil service reform, but
Silver service reform. This set is plated.
"Therc are, of course" says !; Chicago
paper, two sides to the dreSscd-bccf
question" 1t may be added, says the id
rertiser that there are also two quarters to
each side of dressed beef.
She had false teeth and false hair, but
she was peachy checked, bright eyed ard
prettily formed. and had an angelic temper:
so he said with all thy false l love thee
still"
These arc hard times," said q young
collector of bills. Every place went to-
day l was requested to call again but one,
and that was when l dropped in to sec my
girl
"Pomade, sir?o politely said barber to
a cranky customer. NO he growled:
Il don't want any olcmargarine on my
head" "All right, sir; never like to put
butter on cabbage heads.
While the female sex is clamoring for
rights they never seem to take into consid-
descriptive Of the charm and innocence Of
infancy is written on girl babies.
The upper class lives the longest" says
a writer on longevity. We have no doubt
of this. The private soldiers are all dead,
and only the captains, majors and colonies
| remain.
1t may be a good thing for defaultcrs to
commit suicide and so rid the world Of
their presence, but it would be better still
if they would perform the happy dispatch
before the embezzling begins.
In ye olden time liar was legally pun
ishcd by having q hole bored through his
tongue. If this were the custom now there
are men whose tongues would resemble
porous plasters.
Among the very inappropriate things
used as charms for watch chains are wheels
with jeweled hubs and spolles, and little
gold safes. A safe. What next? 4 refrig
orator or a coal bin.
Philadelphia seems to be paradise for
bogus noblemen. No citizen of that good
town can resist them when they go into
minute particulars about their grand
fathers
Lightning struck piano in a house in
York county, Me-, and thoroughly demol-
ished it. This will strengthen the theory
recently advanced by scientist, that light
ming is possessed of intelligence.
Walking.sticks still continue 10 increase
in size, and unless the limit is soon reached
the average young man may be mistaken
for base ball player who has just pur-
chased new bat.
1t fills the heart with gladness to know
that when one goes to dime museum to
see the living skeleton one is not to be de-
ceived by any kind of makeup. The liv-
ing skeleton never pads.
While Maine fights Canada and Texas
wars with Mexico, we sincerely hope the
Dakota office-seciers will not take adVan-
tage of the crippled American people and
secede from the Union.
The fact cannot be ignored, whether we
| will OF no, that the labor question overtops
all others at present in the Importance of
its problems and the difficulties which arise
in attempting to solve them.
Strange arc the bcquests. which people
sometimes make to perpetuatc their own
vanity. A man lately bequeathed $500 to
q church in New Jersey, on condition that
i
sary of his death.
Radiant memories and rare old Jokes arc
fine old sauces for supper, but they too will
cause commotion among the chestnut
| bells The rare old jokes must be wrapped
up and laid on the shelf, if it takes the
last four leaves in the family Bible.
1t is hard to tell which side to take.
| The prohibitionist when he goes fish
ing takes flask of whisky with him and
comes home the worse for using it. The
prohibitionist takes q quart Of ice cream
and discovers after he has eaten it that it is
poisoned and he has narrow escape.
4 Columbia cat is credited with remark
able intelligence. She saw rat about to
20 through q small knothole in tight
board fence, and, knowing that she could
not reach the rat before he reached the
hole, she went over the fence like 4 shot
and captured him at the other SIDE
A Columbia school girl lately puzzled
her teacher with the inquiry, IF the eldest
child of an English ruler succeeds to the
throne, what would happen if the eldest
child was twins?" The girl was very much
surprised at the teacher inability to answer
off.hand, and tried e find out from her
mother; but the question still agitatcs the
town.
Children rejoice in noise. They appear
to take pleasure, both in noise itself, and
in the act of making it, that is perfectly
unintclligible to grown-up people. why
do fathers and mothers always keep saying
'busb?" q bright, healthy boy asked, the
other day; and he was evidently much puZ-
zled that We should fail to appreciate what
was to him source of unlimited satisfac-
ton.