The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-10-21
W.T. AND HUMOR.

There are some things a man never
finds out, and one of them is the fellow
to whom he owes bill-Neso Haven
| NeUs.
Tramp have lost an arm, sir; will
- Passer-by Tin great haste -Sorry,
but 1 haven't seen anything of it
Neto York Sun.
1t is said that a St Louis man can
Jump from the highest eminence without
injury. His ears act as parachutes--
Neao HaUen NeUs.
In Kentucky they spell it whisky;
elsewhere it is spelled whiskey. 1hey
drink it with more Els than they spell
it in Kentucky.-Boston Herald.
A young lady bookkeeper who has
Just married says that there shall be no
side door to her house. She proposes
to keep her husband on the single-entry
system. -Burlingto Free Press.
Scene, front door. Time, II o'clock
Sunday night: She-Say, George, when
are you coming againP He-O, III be
| here Monday night. She-Say, George,
can't you come before MondayP-Lye.
The superiority of man to nature is
continually illustrated. Nature needs
an immense quantity of quilts to make
goose with; but a man can make
goose of himself with one.-Sk0e and
Leather Reporter.
Now that the cockroach fights have
| been invented, with all the exciting &C
| cessories of prize-ring contest, there
is no reason why the sporting editor
| should leave his desk to witness mill.
l-Norsoich Bulletin.
81 hate that man, exclaimed Mrs.
| Uppercea. I'D like to make his life
miserabler' Tell you what" said her
husband warmly, '.pn send the villain
| an invitation to your musicale Wen
| torture him!''-Burdette.
What about stockingsp" demands
fashion paper. If the bold, bad editor
who asks such a question in public
print will excuse the burning bushes OF
| his daily contemporary we would timid-
| ly suggest Z Itts.-Burdette.
The Major Qocking Nelly on his knee
J for Aunt Mary's sake)-'1 suppose this
is what you like, Nelly?" Eyes, it's
very nice. But rode on a real donkey
yesterday mean one with four legs,
you know. "-NeU York San.
Your conference meets soon, l be-
lieveP" remarked prominent Allegheny
Methodist to another. YES" was the
reply. "Will your minister remain
with youP" Yes, he has signed with
US for another year. "-Pitts64rg Chro,,-
icLe.
| Bertie-"Mr. Schuyler, are you very
| strong man?" Schuyler-''No, not
very strong, BERTHE" Bertie-''What
did pa mean, then, when ne told sister
at the breakfast table to-day that he
saw you with heavy load on last
night?" Judge.
Il never intended you to return me
that S., my dear fellow" said he. II
| want you to consider it a gift" mo,
no. said the other. Il am honest about
| paying my debts; and besides l may
strike you for $40 next week. THE
Judge.
An American baseball player was in
Belfast when the riot broke out, and he
saw clubs fourishing and heard pistols
popping, he began to grow homesick.
When the excitement subsidized, he asked
a stranger if the umpire had escaped
NorriSt0oOh Herald.
''See here, my friend" said an East
ern man to Western citizen, .'you are
little too fresh for this section of the
country. You had better take drop"
Thanks. Make it same's last, Mr.
Barkeep," replied the Westerner, wiping
his mouth.-Ne1o York Times.
Mother-"Here, dear husband, is the
dressmakers. | have let her our daugh-
ter a new costume to make. She looks
therein enchanting, and will presently
a husband therein hunt up" Father
"So-and how much cost then this
hunting costume?'-Fliegende Blaetter
Customer Ito waiter)-You don't
charge 80 cents for canned lobster, do
you? Waiter-Yes, sab; OATS de price.
Customer-But | can get them fresh at
this season for less than that. Waiter
l don't know how tits, sab; l s'pose it
costs somethin' to can 'em.-NeW York
Times
"My dear" said a Concord lady to
her husband. eff you do not make haste
we shall be late to the School of Philo-
sophy. Aren't you nearly readyP" q
will be ready" replied the husband.
who is not much of philosopher, lust
as soon as can find my chestnut bell. J"
-NeV York Sun.
One of the old-timers Goo. Sonny,
what time do hit say de 'scurdgeon
train start?" Young one-"Eig Inter
clock" Old-timer-"Mornin' or ebe-
nin'?" Young one (reading)-"S a
M" Old-timer (sternly)-"Boy, don't
| you trif1e long O me. Mornin' or ebe-
MIN p'-Harper's Young Folks.
/ Young lady Ito turnkey)-Can take
these flowers in to the prisoners. sirp
Turnkey-Yes, mem; the thieves and
| pickpockets will be glad to get 'em
They dotes on flowers. But they amt
no murderers in now, mem. The last
one was pardoned out yesterday. Young
lady-O, I'm so sorry.-Neao York
Times.
Customer Ito bartender) physi-
clan tells me that l must drink nothing
but little gin with plenty of milk.
Have you got any fresh, pure milk.
Bartender-Sorry, sir, but we haven't a
drop. Customer On a disappointed
tone)-Is that SO? Well. gimme some
gin. l must do the best I can.-NeU
York San.
Head of the house-''Where's the
pitcher of beer?" Boy-"Ma's clothes
got on fire and grabbed up the beer
and threw it on her to put out the
flames" Head of the house-I want
| you to understand that beer costs
money. Anybody'd think you was born
with a gold spoon in your mouth. -
| Iid-BitS.
A well-dressed countryman stopped
at the entrance of the Petroleum Ex-
| nj