The Portland daily press., 1886-01-09
sATURDAY MORNING, JAN. Q.
A LADY OF The LAW.
r. J. BURDErTE.

ing ana Ice cream, wore SHOES WIFI FRENCH
heels, and, am inclined to think, changed
her complexion in the evening. But she was
bright, Independent sort of a girl, who had
no idea of marrying home or depending
upon ahusband for support She was firm
believer in a woman's right to earn her own
living. and she believed that all professions
were open to hek At one time she thought
of preaching, but gave that up because there
was no pleasure in doing all the talking with
nobody to talk back at you. She detested
the practice of medicine because she hated
housekeeping, and she had just as lief put up
pickles as pills. She wouldn't lecture, be-
cause everybody lectured, and then she had
never been able to shoot anybody or jump off
a bridge or do anything else to get start on
the platform. SO she read law. She was
enthusiastic She was close student and
was admitted to the bar aftera creditable ex-
animation. She opened cosy little Office
and waited with commendable patience for
fees and clients. This was easy work. All
that Miss Lawyer Clatteree had to do was to
sit in her Office ten hours day and read law
books or engage in abtruse needlework; no
body ever disturbed her. Success seemed
to smile upon her from the start. She had
more elegant leisure than the Oldest lawyer
in that bar
Butallthings come to the woman who waits
and one day a client came to Lawyer Clat-
teree. He came because she was woman
and would give legal counsel and eloquence
cheap. She accepted very modest retainer,
indeed. and made mental memorandum OF
the rest of her fee that nearly turned her
clients hair white when he learned Of it.
Lawyer Clatteree's first case, though not Of
national Importance was an interesting one.
Her Client Webster Bluegrass, while driving
across a field belonging to Virginia Nonsuch.
spinster, ran over dog belonging to Jared
Witeman, who joined farms with Miss Non
such. Jared rushed to avenge his dog, for
the animal was past rescue, and shelled Mr.
Bluegrass, entrenched on his load Of hay
with stones, and clodS and language, all
about equally hard until the garrison made
a sortie. Webster Bluegrass slid down from
the hay, and chased Mr.. Witeman around the
load thrice before he got close enough to
reach him with a pitch, fork handle, after
which things went hard with Mr.. Witeman
and for the next five minutes he didn't know
whether his next friend was the doctor or
coroner Besides the principals Miss Nom
such was the only witness to the tourna-
ment.
Lawyer Ciatteree sat up o'nights with that
case, but when it was finally called for trial
she was rosy and confident as June morn
ing and young Farmer Bluegrass was rather
proud of his attorney and didn't seemto care
much whether she won or lost When Miss
Virginia Nonsuch was called to the stand it
s,l,, 4I,o4 har VaT
the man who owned the late dog and Joined
farms with her on the northwest. Miss Clat-
teree had tried to prove, from various weigh
ty decisions of learned juryists, that Wife
mans dog had no right in strange field, but
Miss Nonsuch testified that Bluegrass had
even less there having been told more than
once to keep out and not use it as highway
and short cut. She testified that to the
best of her knowledge Bluegrass was the ag-
gressor in every way-in driving across her
field, in running over the dog, and in coming
down from the hay and assaulting Witeman.
She got along pretty we'll until Miss Clatteree
got chance to pulverize her on cross-exami-
nation. The court room waited in breath
less silence for Lawyer Clatteree to win OF
lose her first case.
'sWhat is your name?" asked Lawyer Clat-
teree with terrible composure.
Virginia Noasnch, answered the witness
defantly as though she expected Lawyer
Clatteree would attempt to prove that she
was George W. Mackenzie
Married or single?"
81 ami unmarried . snapped the witness.
"What is your age?"
Objected to by opposing counsel, which
brought on a spirited discussion, Lawyer
Clatteree claiming that she wanted to show
that the witnesses memory and powers of OBJ
seryation were affected by age. Ruled out
by the court amid much expressive panto-
mime by the witness.
ssWho made that bonnet?" asked Lawyer
Clatteree.
Objected to and oyerruled, Lawyer Clat-
teree asserting that she wanted to show that
the witness either made it herself or paid
money for it. thus indicating in either case
failing mental power and utter loss OF taste
and discrimination. By this time the wit
ness was furious.
'Well" said Miss Clatteree, fitting back
her chair and by sudden effort oyermas-
tering the impulse to put her feet upon the
table in the most approved lawyer-lile fash
ion, ''teI the jury what you know about
this fight. How did Witeman begin it,"
..He didn't begin it at ALL Bluegrass be-
gan it,
'Mr. Bluegrass, if you please, witness.
You swear, then, positively, that you saw
Mr.. Bluegrass make an unprovoked assault
mpon this man Witeman ?"
s'Yes, si-Oh, mean yes. | amt accus-
TONED, your Honor, turning TO the court.
ito see a woman perched up among lot o.
men, passin' herself off for lawyer-oh
myg' And the witness famed herself with
furious yigor.
'sNever mind what you're accustomed to.
witness" said Lawyer Clatteree, calmly,
eeand don't fan too hard, your curls won't
stand IT. Now when you saw Mr. Bluegrass
descend from his load of hay and assault this
person with pitchfork, did you have on
your speetacles?"
Tdon,t wear glasses, the witness
shortly.
Answer my question: replied the relent-
less lawyer.
Objected to, but allowed by the conrt,
wbea the witness triumphantly answered
No" with joyous CLEAN in her eyes that
made everybody laugh except the counsei
for the defence.
.Mislaid them, probably, and in excite
ment of the moment didn't notice their ap-
sence. Now, Miss Nonsuch-look at me-
witness, and don't frighten the jury by sInil-
ing at them-tell the jury, if you please, how
large was the field across which Mr. Blue
grass was driving at the time this Wlteman
made the attack upon him."
III 1n1f off him
only defended"
"Don't put words into my mouth, witness;
What was the size Of that feld?"
'eThe one where Bluegrass tried to kill Mr..
Wiseman?"
ssThe field where Mr.. Bluegrass defended
his life against the brutal assault of cow
ardly ruflian."
'sThere amt no such field upon my farm"
This comes of mislaying your spectacles,
witness. But forgetfulness is trait OF the
aged. Now, what is the size of the field
where the fight took placer"
s.It's ten-acre moving lot.
NlNnVl