Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-01-28
MRS. BUILFROG.
/. 81 NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE.

IKE Tools some very sensible people &C
In the matter of choosing wives, The,
perplex their judgments by most un
due attention to little niceties of per
sonal appearance, habits, disposition
and other trihes which concern NOBODY
but the lady herself An unhappy gen
tleman, resolving to wed nothing shor
of. perfection, keeps his heart ant
hand till both get so old and with
cred that no tolerable woman vii
accept them. Now, this is the very
height of absurdity. A kind Providence
has SO skillfully adapted sex to sex anc
the mass of individuals to each other
that, with certain obvious exceptions,
any male and female may be moderate
ly happy in the married state. The
true rule is, to ascertain that the
match is fundamentally a good one, and
then take it for granted that all minor
objections, should their be such, will
vanish if you let them alone. Only put
yourself beyond hazard as to the real
basis of matrimonial bliss, and it is
scarcely to be imagined what miracles,
in the way of recognizing smaller in
congruities, connubial love will effect.
For my own part, freely confess
that, in my Dictatorship, l was pre-
cisely such an over-curious simpleton
as now advise the reader not to he.
My early habits had gifted me with q
feminine sensibility and too exquisite
refinement. 1 was the accomplished
graduate of a dry goods store, where,
by dint of ministering to the whims of
fine ladies, and suiting silken hose to
delicate limbs, and handling satins,
ribbons, chintzes, calicoes, tapes, gauze,
and cambria needles, | grew up very
lady-like sort of 4 gentleman. 1t is
not assuming too much to affirm that
the ladies themselves were hardly so
lady-like as Thomas Bullfrog. So pain
fully acute was my sense of female i'm
perfection, and such varied excellence
did | require in the woman whom
could love, that there was an awful
risk of my getting no wife at all, or of
being driven to perpetrate matrimony
with my own image in the looking
glass. Besides the fundamental prin-
ciple already limited at, demanded the
fresh bloom of youth, pcarly teeth,
glossy ringlets, and the whole list of
lovely items, with the utmost deliCacy
of habits and sentiments, a silkcn tex
ture of mind, and, above all, the virgin
heart. In word, if young angel
just from Paradise, yet dressed in earth
ly fashion, had come and offered me her
hand, it is by no means certain that l
should have taken it. There was every
chance of my becoming a most miser-
able old bachelor, when, by the best
luck in the world, l made a Journey
into another state, and was smittcn by,
and smote again, and woocd, won and
married the present Mrs. Bullfrog, all
in the space of a fortnight. Owing to
these eXtcmpore measures, | not only
gave my bride credit for certain per-
fections which have not as yet come to
light, but also overlooked a few trining
defects, which, however, glimmered on
my perception long before the close of
the honeymoon. Yet, as there was no
mistake about the fundamental princi-
pie aforesaid, l soon learned, as will
be seen, to estimate Mrs. Bullfrog's de-
ficiencies and superluities at exactly
their proper value.
The same morning that Mrs. Bullfrog
and came together as \ unit, we took
two seats in the stage-cOach and began
our journey towards MY place of bust
ness. There being no other passengers,
we were as much alone and as free to
give vent to our rapturCs as if had
hired hack for the matrimonial iaunt.
My bride looked charmingly in a green
silk calash and riding-habit of pclisse-
cloth; and, whenever her red lips parted
with a smile, each tooth appeared liEc
an incstimable pearl. Such was my
passionate warmth that-wc had ratified
out of the village, gentle reader, and
were as lonely as Adam and Eve in
Paradise pleaded guilty TO no less
freedom than kiss. The gentle eye
of Mrs. Bullfrog scarcely rcbuked me
for the PROCLAMATION. Emboldencd by
her indulgence, threw back the calash
from her polished brow, and suffered
my fingers, white and delicate as her
own, to stray among those dark and
glossy curls which realized my day.
dreams of rich hair.
my love-" said Mrs. Bullfrog, ten
derby, ''you will disarrange my curls. "
go no, my sweet Laura!' replied l.,
still playing with the glossy ringlet.
S'Even your fair hand could not manage
curl more delicately than mine.
propose myself the pleasure of doing
up your hair in papers every evening
at the same time with my own"
''Mr. Bullfrog," repeated she, 'you
must not disarrangc my curls.
This was spoken in more decided
tone than had happened to hear, until
then, from my gentlcst of all gentle
brides. At the same time she put up
her hand and took mine prisoner; but
merely drew it away from the forbidden
ringlet, and then Immediately released
it. Now, am iigety little man, and
always love to have something in my
fingers; so that, being debarred from
my wlte's curls, looked about me for
any other plaything. On the front seat
of the coach there was one of those
@pall baskets in which travelling ladies
WHO are too delicate to appear at a
public table generally carry supply
of gingerbread, biscuits and cheese,
cold ham, and other light refreshments,
merely to sustain nature to the jour
Sey's end. Such airy diet will some,
times keep them in pretty good fesf
1or week together. Laying hold o.
This same little basket, thrust my
hand under the newspaper with which
~ was carefully covered.