davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26
Apissertation on Corns.

Corns and bunions are of course
troublesome and painful. You may
strive ever SO hard to appear bright
and happy when your corns are at
their best, but you cannot keep the
furtive frown from settling on your
brow. There is no doubt whatever
that many good match has been
broken off by corns and bunions.
Cupid has none, and seems to have no
sympathy with those who have. One
real lively corn will drive all the love
and sweetness out of the best hearted
individual alive, shroud sweet face
with a sour mask and convert an
angel into a virago. A painful corn
is always regarded as sufficient
excuse for indulging in mild profanity.
Even the ladies are permitted to
"darn a corn, anyway" when they
would not be allowed to darn" any,
thing else. Preachers have been
heard to say that the tenor of their
sermons are something SO changed by
the little monitors upon the toes, that
instead of dwelling upon the painless
ofthe saved, they do up the suffering
of the other fellows in a most realistic
manner. There Is no end to the mis-
chief that may be done by a corn. It
robs fair face of its beauty, encour-
ages profanity. sours sweet tempers.
destroys domestic bliss, mars the
beauty Of the opera, makes church
going undesirable, interferes with
Cupid's operations, changes the tenor
Of sermons, snarls the disposition Of
teachers, makes walking painful ex-
ercise, supports street railway mono
poles, converts angels into varagos,
fills the community with GROWERS.
develops bachelors, throngs the earth |
with old maids, spoils the beautiful in
nature, darkens the freside, creates i'll
feeling in crowd, destroys the interest
in poker, detracts from the dance, ir-
ritates the nervous system, keeps the
mind in unrest, tends thought down
ward and renders life a burden.
There are many more ills that may be
charged to corns and bunions, but
they will readily suggest themselves
to the sufferers. There are not a few
men who would have better health,
be more successful in business and be
held in higher esteem in the COM
munity if they were to harvest their
corn crops. You often hear persons
say their corn pains made them sick.
This is strictly true. Why do people
have corns? Because they. wear ILL
fitting shoes. Some contend that
they are the product of tight shoes.
This is NOT correct. They are caused
by the rubbing Of the leather against
the foot, not by its binding. The
two combined product the finest speci-
mems. A very close fitting shoe may
worn providing it is the exact shape
of the foot. Owing to the great DIFF
ference in the shape of feet it is i'm
possible for everyone to wear the
same style of shoe. The majority of
shoemakers seem to be ignorant of
this fact, and make the shoe to fit the
last instead Of the foot. Corns have
to be raised they will not come
voluntarily and when they do come
they must be cultivated or they will
go away. They do not care for ex-
terminators so long as you insist upon
their company. They are real good
about staying Williamsport Break
fast Table.
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26

For colds, fevers and inhammatory
attacks, as well as for cholera morbus,
diarrhGa, dysentery or bloody-fux,
collie or cramps in stomach. use DIR.
Pierce's Extract of Smart Weed,
composed of best Grape Brandy, Smart.
Weed or Water Pepper, fJamacia Gin
ger and Camphor Water. 81
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26
:gtttttstttpt
rz6ax Afternoon. March 2s. 1886.
RLUE BLOOD.

Two centuries and a half ago NF
On trudged to work with shou1dered hoe
a woman, barefoot, brown and rough,
With pluck of P Puritanic stuff.
Six lusty childred tagged behind,
All hatless, shoeless, uneonfined,
And happy as the birds that few
About them. Naught of books they knew,
Save one they read at twilight hour,
Brought with them in the stanch Mayfiower
A pretty lady, thin and white,
In hammock swinging light,
Languishes, and in the shade
DeSo1rs rhyme and lemonade;
While bending near, her lover sighs
And gently fans away the flies.
She murmurs "'Tis so nice that we
Are neither of low family,
But of old Puritan stock
That landed upon Plymouth Rock"
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26

In the cure of severe coughs, weak
lungs, splitting of blood, and the early
stages of Consumption, DIR. Pierce's
"Golden Medical Discovery has aston
ished the medical faculty. While it
cures the severest coughs, it strength
ems the system and purjfes the blood.
BY drug gists.
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26

> One breach Of faith will always be
remembered, no matter how loyal
your subsequent life may be. People
may imagine that they trust you yet
all the time they have an eye to the
former break.
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26

For eight years Col. sD.J. William
son, Quarter-M U. S. A. and ex-
q. S. Consul at Callao, was crippled
with rheumatism. He got no relief
until he used St. Jacobs Oil, which
cured him. No remedy on earth equals
it for pain. Price, fifty cents a bottle.
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26
woMAN's SPHERE

They talk about q moman's sphere
AS though 1t had limit:
There's not place in earth or heaven,
There's not task to mankind given,
There's not blessing or woe,
There's not whispered yes or no,
There's not life, or death, or birth,
That has feathers weight OF worth,
without women in it.
-Yonkers Gazette.
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26

a Great Medical Work ON Manhood.
Exhausted Vitality, Nervous and Physical
Debility. Premature Decline in Man. Errors
oI Ioutn, ana the untold miseries resulting
nom indiscretion or excesses. A book for
every man, young, middle-aged and old II
contains l25 prescriptions for all acute and
chronic diseases, each one of which is in
valuable. So found by the Author, whose
experience for 25 years is such as probably
never before fell to the lot of any phvsicfan n
800 pages, bound in beautiful French muslin.
embossed covers. full gilt, guaranteed to be
inner work in every sense than any other
work sold In this country for 81 So or fhe
money will be refunded in every instance
= .frl:e only SLIGO by mail, post paid, IlIus.
trative sample free to anybody Send now
Gold medal awarded the author by the Ma
tional Medical Association, to The President
OF which, the Hon. p A. Bissell and nssociate
ofncers OF the Board the reader is Respectfully
referred,
The Science of Life is worth mora m t,o
young you ana middle-aged men of this genera-
q. n. Chronicle.
>. IT The Science science Of Life points out the rocks
and hopes OF many young man have baen
fatally ywrecked.-Ma,tehester Wiyror Deeh
,hah Ihe ~ Science ;s ct Lite is of greater value
tnah all tne medical works published in fhiS
tution ''''N" Io'sstt-
The Science of Life Is superb and mastor,r
lpeat,se nesas on nervous and physical debility
There is no member of society to whom
Tne Science OF Life will not be useSni
whStner youth, parent guardian, instruotn,,
ADDRESS the Peabody Medical Intitute
or Dr.. W. H. Parker, No, 4BuIfinch Straes'
n5soston. 5s. Mass, who may be consulted on ali
Cbs CbronSe oSq requiring skill and experience.
oamed the skill of all other physicians q
speciality. Such treated successfiIilv TI,h
o9s M, an , instance Of failure. Mention.
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26

No matter how low down man may
oct there is not more than one in
every one hundred of them but will
nroye true to a small trust if his pride
be strengthened by your seeming faith
in him.
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26

If men are suffering tortures with
toothache they should not try to smile
and look cool and handsome. How
much wiser to ease the pain with a
bottle of Salvation Oil. Price 25
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26
ROOM FOR A DOZEN MORE.

Twas near our college eampus.
cannot tell you where,
There dwelt an aged gentleman
With thirteen daughters fair.
called upon the youngest,
And sat with her one night.
TIL 'pater came ana found us
In the mornings carly light.
Do you think he raised arumpus,
And kicked ine through the doorf
oh, no! Come round again." he said,
"And bring dozen more.r
Queens College Journal.
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26

IT rs reported that Collector Groome
has on file about 1,5OO applications for
places under him, and they still pour
in. Somebody will surely be disa-
pointed. a 3 8:
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26
FOREST PnEsBrrEnrAs CHURCH.

Services every Sabbath morning at 1850
o'clock, and every Sabbath evening, from
October to April, at O'Clock and from April
to October at 7.3o O'Clock, Sabbath School
every Sabbath morning ut {. 10 O'Clock. s. M.
Reynolds. Superintendent. Prayer Meeting
every Wednesday evening. u -
Services at Armstrong; Chapel the first
Sabbath of each month at 9.30 p IN. -.
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26
Church Directory. 2
ST. ANNR's PROTESTANT EPISCOPAL CHURCH.

ST. ANNE's PROTESTANT EPISCOPAL CHURCH.
Rev. ,. Beers, Rector.
Sunday services at 1890 o. m, and 100 D. m.
Friday $50 p. M. Sunday school $50 p. IN.
MIDDLETowN METHODIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH.
Rev. A. Stengle. Pastor.
Preaching every Sabbath OF 1880 a. m. and
7 p. m. Sabbath School every Sabbath at
. p. m. Alfred G.. Cox, Superintendent.
Prayer Meeting every Thursday evening at
100 O'Clock. The Class Meetings are held as
follows: Sunday a. IN, III. D. Wilson, Lead
er: Monday evening, at o'clock, W. q.
Moore, Leader; Tuesday evening, at 100
o'clock, led by the Pastor, Wednesday even
ing, at 2 O'Clock, Alfred G. Cox, Leader.
The seats are free and all are welcome.
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26

In convalescence when Tonic is
required, take DR.. Henley's Celery
Beef and Iron.
Middletown transcript., 1886-03-26

Used Red Star Cough Cure effect
ually. DR.. G. Fawcet, Union Prot
estant Infirmary, Baltimore, Md. No
depressing effects.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17
A Miracle of Honesty.

At party the other evening, sew
eral gentlemen contested the honor
of having done the most eXtraordi-
nary thing, a certain learned gentle
man was appointed to be sole Judge.
One produced his tailor's bill, with
a receipt attached toit-a QUIZ went
through the room that this would
not be outdone; when a second prov
ed he had arrested his tailor for
money lent to him The palm is
his, was the universal cry; when a
third observed, Gentlemen, l can
not boast of the feats of either ofmy
predecessors, but / have returned to
the owners two umbrellas that they
left at my house I'm hearno more,
cried the arbiter-'this is the very
ne plus ultra Of honesty and I'M
heard of deeds; the prize is your
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17
Raise no more wheat

in the Middle and Eastern States, but make
your money out Of the Barnyard, as Hirner's
Dairy and Doctor Book tells you
England has now SIS, 900, 900 in vested in
agricultural implements and seeds in India.
Germany obtained the whole of the ongo
territory in West Africa (equal to IA States
like Pennsy lvsnis) for wheat-raisiug also,
and they calculate TO raise all the wheat
they need themselves soon leaving the two
thirds of our whole wheat crop we used to
export, on our hands. which will make
wheat SO low. that ii will surely ruin the far
mer who persists in wheat raising Change
your tactics thereto e At once. before it is
TOO late and make your money out the
Baruyard re the above book directs yoL.
Books and ingredients at Il. @ Williams
burg, dec 10 On.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17
Positively Cures Consumption

An Invaluable remedy for weak and de-
bilitated persons, especially infants and chill
dren. A natural restorative of the vitalen-
erges. For sale in this section by < c..
Willioms, Jr., Il Bro, A VI Gilbert, and
>. A. Snodgrass Druggists. jy l8.Iy.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17

Every description of Plain and Col
ored Printing, done in the very BEST
STYLE of workmanship, and at prices
that defy competition, when weight
of paper and character of work is la
ken into consideration.
We make speciality of all kinds of
FANCY and coLoRED PRINTING. We have
a chromatic press, which prints from
one to six colors at one impression
the only press of the kind in this
end of the State
We have all the facilities of steam
power, fast presses, large fonts of
new types, borders, etc, experienced
workmen, and with large stocks of
paper, bought from the manufacturers
always on hand, we can and do defy
all competition in JOB PRINTING, both
as to the manner of execution and
price. Call and get samples, and
when you ask for prices, name
weight and quality of paper that you
wish.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17
A Rhapsody.

o, We happy immortals IN other
worldsl Nothing that belongs to
you dies. What We love, We clasp to
immortal bosoms; what we possess,
We grasp with never-dying hands.
Do We then ON your glittering height
in your ETHEREAL union, know and feel
that men are separated here below !;
that death is not the only, nor the
keenest pang that divides us? Be
fore death calls us away from each
other, many colder hand than his
comes between us, ana sewers soul
from soul Then, too, the eye over
flows, and the heart is bowed down,
as though death had been with us ;
even as in an eclipse as well as by
night, the door falls, the nightingale
mourns, and the flowers close.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17
4ycESTPY.

Some SHY felix's no troBaie spare
20 ina out what their fathers we're.
Aod think they merit gratalation
gflgoking back a generation
They find no special cause Of shame
Affixed e. their paternal name.
Three sons It's certain Noah had,
From " HON come all men, good and bad;
And rs the world has ever been
Disgraced with eV'ry crime and sin,
T'would humble many haulhty race
Their seeming noble line to trace;
For cen the best as now reputed
Would find their generous blood polluted,
Aud mixed with that OF bringing slaves,
Convicted murd'rers, thieves and knayes.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17
Natural History of the Editor

"What ferocious looking animal is
that ~
That is the editor
'Indeed Are they very danger
Gus ?"
Sometimes. When cornered up
they have been known to be quite
combatiye, and again they have been
known TO go through convenient back
window. Generally they are mild
and passive
'When are they the most danger
Gus ~
when intruded upon By book
agent who wants a seventy line local
for a forty cent book, or when intrud-
ed upon by poet with verses about
gentle spring"
care editors cross to each other?"
"Only when separated by several
blocks Of buildings"
"Do they often have fearful com
bats with each other ?"
Occasionally when they go out in
opposite directions and meet by
chance
''Are editors ever cowhided ?"
Sometimes the little ones are, but
the big ones are rarely molested.'
"Do editors eat ~
''They do. 1t was formerly sup
posed that they ate at long intervals,
but it is Northumberland fact that
they can eat good deal whenever
they can get it,
''What kind of food do they like
most -
''They are not very particular
While they won't refuse quail on
toast, fried crab or roast turkey about
Christmas time, they have been known
to make hearty repast of dish of
cold turnips and a consumptive her
ring
Can they eat concert tickets?"
I've believe not. Some people
have this erroneous impression from
false teachings in early life, but no
authenticated instance Of such thing
is on record.
DO editors go free into the shows p
"They do, when they give dollar
and half local for a twenty-five cent
ticket"
'Are all editors bald? ~
<'No, only married ones are bald ;
but let us pass on, the editor does
not like to be stared at
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17
Buckem's Arnica saIye.

The Best Salse in the world for Cuts
Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rhcum, Fever
Sores, letter, Chapped Hands. CaibIains
Corns, aud all Skin Eruptions, and positive
ly ~Ires Piles, or no pay required. 1t is
warranted to give perfect satisfaction, or
money refunded. Price 25 cent per box.
For sale at f. @. Williams, Jr + Bro.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17

With the exception of the British
Museum and the National Library in
Paris, the Congressional Library with
it's two hundred and fifty thousand
volumes is the largeit library in the
world.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17
BA RG AIM 60
IN
.BANERUPT GOODS
BOOTS, SHOES. HATS And CAPS.
rmmTNn11D e. TnTn
GETTINGER & HoKE.

Having bought an entire sIock OF bank
rupt goods in
Boots 0na - II oS3
Hats, Caps, Umbrellas, &C., at great sacri-
fee, from Col H. K. Douglas, Trustee, Hag-
erstown, Md, are now ready 20 give bar
gains such as never have been offered here.
These are good goods and must be sold at
once to make room for our regular
. SPRING STOCK.
In the stock is a new line of BURT'S Cele.
brated Spring and Summer Shoes for Cents
regular prices S4 so to SIS, will be run off at
SO 30 to $4 per pair
Four or FIVE dozen e. G BURT'S elegant
goods for Ladies in Kid, Straight Goat Kid
Foxed and Lasting Button. chiefly on neat
widths. Regular prices, $4 so to S. so, will
be closed out at SO to 81.
With large variety that can't be enum-
Grated
ALI these goods will be sold at great bar
gains for cash. Call early at
BOOT, SHOE h HAT HEAD lUARTERS,
ais Q0een St., BloLdel Building.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17

There was a farmer (somewhere)
who devoted his attention exclusive
lyto growing pumpkins, by which he
succeeded in bringing them to enor
NOUS size, so that he would chop
with an AK a CARLOAD of pieces to
take to market without sensibly d.
minishing the size Of the pumpkin.
However, one day as he was cutting
away at new pumpkin, his ak slip
ped and fell through into the pump
kin so he started of to his neigh
boris and borrowed a lantern and de
cended into the pumpkin but when
he got to the bot ON he was surpris
cd to find there another man, who
Immediately demanded of him what
he had come for, 1--we GOMEZ saws
he. "to look for my ak, which I've
lost in here" We'll, says the other,
"'you may go back again instanter
for l have been here these three
weeks looking for my horse, and have
not yet been able to get a sight of
him"
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17
A Yankee Boys Invention.
/ HE WANTED TO SURPRISE HIS FATHER, AND
now HIS PLAN WORKED.



HE WANTED TO SURPRISE HIS FATHER, AND
HOW HIS PLAN WORKED.
From the Boston Post.
4 Connecticut man is never happy
unless he is inyenting something.
Even the children have fancy for
the business Last summer a Con-
necticut farmers boy visited Barnum's
circus and saw the catapult. 1t sug
gested to him trap-bouncer to be
set under mans doorstep, and he at
once went to work to build one AS
he wanted to surprise his father, he
kept the matter secret, and worked
like beaver up in the hayloft of the
great barn, building the machine
Finally he got it done. 1t was a
magnificent machine, worked by
spring capable of throwing $50
pounds a distance of thirty feet.
This machine be buried in the hay
till he should be ready to test it.
Something possessed his fathers hir
ed man to go up on that hayloft the
next day, and he contrived to get
right on the foot-board of the machine,
and was slung whirling across the
barn into half-flled bay Of hay on
the opposite side. Alighting on the
hay saved him from serious injury
but not from surprise. He didn't ex
pect any such experience, and was
not at all pleased at it. Neither did
he understand it; and as $500
wouldn't have induced him to go on
that hayloft again, he didn't find out
what threw him And fear of ridi-
cule prevented him from mentioning
it. That night two tramps tried to
sleep in that hayloft, but gave it up
as bad job, after sad experience.
They had crawled into the hay and
were getting themselves fixed, when
one got foul of the machine, and i'm
mediately his companion heard whiz,
a wild yell, and then calls for help
from the other side of the barn. He
arose to go to his companion, and
got there quicker than he expected.
He found his friend very curious to
know what tossed him, and somewhat
scared. The way those tramps fled
from the barn, was caution. The
next day, while all the folks were
away on a visit, the lad got the ma
chine down, and set it under the
front doorstep. Temporarily he at
tached the wire that set it going to
the door-bell. When the folks re
turned they all stood on the door
step and the old man rang to be let
in. With so much weight the ma
chine couldn't throw'em far, but it
rose up enough to dump'em. The
old man was the first to get up, He
sprang once more on the step and
rang violently. He wasn't very big
man, and it did seem as though the
Lord had put that deep snowdrift,
forty feet away, just on purpose to
catch him. They got him out and,
filled with terror, went In the back
way. There they told the story and
the boy explained and the old man
ran him out and stood him on the ma
chine six times and he butted that
snowdrift all to pieces. He will not
patent the machine, believing that it
is too cruel a thing for these enlight-
ened days But he's glad the old
man had an ear nearly torn off when
he cot slung by it.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17

An exchange says there is mis-
sion in this life for dudes. We hope
it is foreign mission.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17

The dude is going to get into the
dictionary. He may learn some.
thing there to his advantage.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-04-17

Little Willie screams and storms with
a burn upon his arm. To little Willie
JOY is sent, by using Salvation Oil the
great liniment.
New-York tribune., 1886-02-05
THE KILLING OF CAPTAIN CRAWFORD.

TuCs0N. Ariz., Feb. 4.--The star in refer
cnce TO the recent killing of Captain Crawford by Mexi-
can troop sys 1t be shown TO the satisfaction OF
any Congressional Committee that trade has been con-
stan,y kept up by Mexcaus with the hostile Apaches.
while every obstacle has been put in the path OF Amer
can commands sent into Mexico in pursuit OK renegades
Wherever It was possible the officers we're arrested and
thrown into prison. Among those who were thus lncdr-
crrted wcro Lieutenant Mcdonald OF the 4th cavalry
and Lieutenant Elliott Of the Ion Cavalry Ihey were
kent under guard aut the approach VI large forces OI
American troops ghtencd the hoXicans into hberans
Lem From the most Trustworthy Information there l.,
not the least doubt the killing Of Captain Crawford
was premeditated MURDER
WAsuINGToS Feb. 1T isbceved at the War De
partuent that the killing of Captain Crawford was acct
dental and that MeXlcans fired on his comm ma uIe
Ae Impression that they were hOsiiles Inc statement
that the uted states troops hat stock IN lhelr posses
ion al the time OF the attack which had been stolen IN
the Vicinity painedby Lieutenant Mauss report thar
hcv had int captured IL from the hostile Indians IL Is
aIs6 explaintd that Captain Crawford was unable TO
shoy te identity OF his command at the outset OF the
firing by the Mcxcans because OF his ignorance of The
nature OF the attack and the general DECENTRALIZATION
which It caused.
Ell PAso, Tex. Feb. 4.-Seror Jesus Escobar, the
Mexican Consul III this city, is IN telegraphc CORE
spondence with the Mexican authorities with the object
Of inducing them to make formal claim for Geronimo
and his band from the United States the ground that
he Indians surrendered To Lieutenant Mhus on Mexican
territory U IL stated that tnere Is nothing III Tue treaty
with Mexico TO cover such a case