davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-05-19
TEMPERANCE.
KING ALcoHoL's TRIUMPH.

A meeting was convened in h0ll,
10 see II any one could tell
Who best promoted Satan's cause.
And spurned and tramplod Heaven'slaws
The devil, seated on his throne,
Commanded that his horn be blown,
To summon all the hosts OF hell
To gather round their chief and yell
Remotest caverns heard the sound,
And myriads to their chief did bound,
And bowed with reverence at his feet,
Amid the sufYocating heat
His highness then the question states,
And each contestant then relates
His mode Of warfare and success
In propagating wiokedness.
The miser boasted Of his gold,
The gambler did his tricks unfold,
1nsathte Lust put in her plea,
Oppression loudly shouted: mel"
when all had tried their very best,
To win In this great fiendish test,
King Alcohol came rolling in,
And swearing he was bound to wtns
His list Of triumphs on his back,
Which weighed ton, Egyptian black,
Containing crimes 90 vile and great,
No tongue could tell, nor pen relate.
The old chap. with long, warm embrace,
Gave Alcohol the highest place;
The craven crowd now skunk away.
King Alcohol had won the day.
JOHN Jd'ntcsOf,, IN N. T. Witness.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-05-19
FASHION HINTS.


All Sorts Of Novelties for Ladies, Misses,
Girls and Beys.
Bouffant back draperies grow in
amplitude.
Red is the rage in Paris, particularly
Tor theater toilets.
The turban of cloth to match the
coat is the correct headwear for little
boys.
Dark blue cloth and corduroy are
among the popular stuffs for small
boys coats.
Many imported dresses are accom-
paned with a capote of the same stuff
as the frock.
Kilt suits as we'll as short breeches
with jackets are still worn by boys Of
three and four years.
Polo caps and small turbans take
precedence Of all other spring hats for
boys under five.
Small pokes, pointed back and front.
are worn without strings by young
women, whether married or single.
Small boys wear white muslin yoke
slips precisely like those worn by little
girls until they are two years old.
Sailor and Dauphin collars are both
worn by small boys, while girls wear
large round yoke collars and the Dau-
phin. e. - ..F .t
Red seems to be the color that has
some hidden affinity with the tastes,
feelings, and political notions of the
moment. 1t 10 as popular here as in
Paris.
The newest fancy in boys garments
IL what is called "pink coats" but they
are red, not pink, being made of the
bright red cloth used for gentlemen s
hunting coats.
White neck lingerie seems to be
going entirely out of fashion, beaded,
plain and lace-edged dog collars hav-
ing taken the place of white collars,
either of linen or lace.
Fashionable mothers keep their little
boys in white muslin yoke slips until
the little fellows are two and hall
and three years old. But this depends
agreat deal upon the growth of the
child.-M Y. Sun. a"
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-05-19

DR.. DAWSON BURNS, in q letter to
the London press, states that, notwith-
standing the depression in trade and
the general shrinkage of values, the
expenditure Of the country ON intoxi-
eating liquors in the past year was not
less than ELS, 28S, 760. This enormous
total is equal to the entire expenditure
of the Nation for bread, butter and
cheese together. is not far short Of the
rents p,.id for farms and homes in the
United Kingdom, and is three times
the amount spent for tea, sugar, coffee
and cocoa.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-05-19
A CHEATED JUDGE.
Why He Imposed Heavy Zine Upon .
Cheeky Defendant.

Why He Imposed Heavy Zine Upoa q
Cheeky Defendants.
Judge" said man who had been
summoned on ajury, ''it is impossible
for me to serve. My business 10 such
that can not leave it,"
"Any man can plead business" the
judge replied.
EYES, 1 know, but every mans busi.
ness is not so pressing as mine Is.
tell you that no one but myself can
attend to it,"
"Well, will excuse you"
The man went away--went a-fishing.
The next day bench warrant was
issued for him. - q.
II can make no defense, your honor,
except that told the truth. No one
but myself can do, my fishing. II any
one else were to do itIwould not enjoy
it in the least. There are times when
a man has to fish--got to do it. Bass
and pike are striking now. Yesterday,
after trying minnows without success,
I tried troll. Well, sir, five-pound
bass nabbed it before 1t had touched
the water. He was so large, and pulled
so hard, that had to play him. Never
saw any thing like it. He lashed the
water into foam. Never saw such
'AHfsi HIpid yon lg.t limp the Judge ex
citedly asked - Vi syas "a gEa
'Well. sir, he broke my troll
"Whatr'
.sYes, snapped it off like pipe stem
I was determined to get him, so
caught q grasshopper. stuck 1t on {
Limerick and put it under his nose,
He wouldn't even smell of it. l hadn't
another troll, 50 decided to shoot th,
beauty. / drew my pistol, leaned ovel
the water and, juet as, I was in the &C
Of pulling the trigger, the bass jumpet
and grabbed the barrel Of my pistol"
"What?"
eyes sir, and held on to it," o.
$50 you got himP" 3.
eyes sir, and the prints of his teetl
are in that pistol barrel now"
u1"You don't tell me sop'' M
Eyes sir" hsREb6 assSs
"Mr. Clerk,f said the Judge, s'ente1
| up a fine ef one hundred dollars agains
the defendant
What, q hundred dollars fine jus
because I misrepresented-"o
10, no." said the judge, II don
fine you because you told . lie, bu
because you did not tell me that 20,
we're going fishing. I would have ad
journed court and gone with you.--Ar
tansdt0 Traveller.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-05-19

CRUIKsHANK, the artist-so Canon
Farrar says-offered flOO for proof of
a violent crime committed by total
abstainer, and the money remains un-
claimed to this day. Quite as striking
. proposition has recently been made
by a Temperance society in England.
Offering a large reward for proof of a
single instance where property accu-
mulatcd by liquor-selling has descended
TO the third generation.-Rekgioa In
te1tigsacsT.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-05-19
THE NAKED TRUTH.
The Plain Business Announcement Of q
Honest Rum.Seller.

The Plain Business Announcement Of an
Honest Rum-Seller.
The Idaho Democrat publishes the
advertisement which we reprint below.
On first reading it we judged it, says
the Christian Unioaa, to be either hoax
or Temperance agitator's ingenious
attempt to produce Temperance sem
sation. But, sending for information
to a subscriber of the Christian Union
at Boise City, where this advertisement
appears, we are assured that it is
genuine liquor saloon. There is mys-
terry about this 'naked truth" adver-
tisement which we do not pretend to
solve. But it certainly is the truth un-
adorned. This is, we believe, the first
case in which the Christian Union has
ever published an advertisement on its
editorial pages. And this one is pub
lished without charge:
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-05-19

for the sober, industrious and respectable
portion Of the community to support. shall
deal In Family Spirits, which will incite men to
doing diminish the comfort, augment the ex-
penses and endanger the welfare of the COM
munity.
will undertake. at short notice, for small
sum, and with great expectations, to prepare
victims for the Asylum, Poor Farm. Prisons
and GallOws.
i will furnish an article which will increase
fatal accidents, multiply the number of dis
tressing diseases. and render those which are
harmless incurable.
l will deal in drugs which will deprive some
and all Of Peace, which will cause fathers to
become fiends. and wives widows, children or.
phans, and all mendicants.
will cause many OF the rising generation
to grow up in ignorance, and prove burden
and nuisance to the Nation.
spring, and cruelty take the place of love.
/ will sometimes even corrupt the ministers
of religion; Obstruct the progress OF the Cos
pei; defile the purity Of the church, and cause
temporal, spiritual and eternal death; and IL
any should be SO impertinent as to ask why
misery upon the people, my honest reply is:
"MONEY!' The spirit trade is lucrative, and
some protesting Christians give 1t their cheer
full countenance.
have a license. and II do not bring these
evils upon you somebody else will.
character, destroy the health, shorten the
lives and ruin the soNls of those who choose
70 honor me with their custom. pledge my
self to do all have herein promised. Those
brought upon themselves or their dearest
friends are requested to meet me at my Bar.
where will for few cents furnish them
with the certain means Of SO doing.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-05-19

Tho eyes Of the mole are so ex-
ceedingly minute, and SO perfectly hid
In its hair, that our ancestors con-
sidered it bliud.-Montreal St0r.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-05-19
woMEN's REToRTs.
A Female Witness Who Had . Roland for
.. Each Of the Lawyers Olivers. p

A Female witness who Had . Roland for
90. Each Of the Lawyers divers. Iar
Lawyers not unfrequent!y receive the
most provoking retorts from women
whom they are trying to confound. A
counsel defending q prisoner on trial,
before an English court. for STEALING
800, horon b;s oro,s ova Mn ot;or -
honey. u.s n's o.o.'-oAaon m " y.
tne Prilncipai "i'ness' woinan' ny
saying "a a" .H. .'e a.''
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-05-19

Z -Master-"John, how is thisp This
letter must have arrived a week ago,
and You have only Just given It to me ~
Valet-''But, sir, 1t only makes an ap-
pointment for Tomorrow and ] did not
thinkit necessary to hand it to you be-
ors.,'--N Y. 1slsgraps, ..s ~
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-05-19

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Il. RI. oADLG, Z. CT. JOHN,
eeM Chicago eeaes Ticket a"e vsases As" V
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-05-19

WHO will support the bar-room in
five or ten years timer If supported,
it will be principally by the boys of to-
day. Whose boysp Fathers, you who
have boys growing up, are you doing
any thing to save the boys of to-day
from becoming the drunkards of the
futurep The saloons and bar-rooms
must have customers; their present lot
will soon burn out, and they must
have recruits from the children now
growing into manhood. Look out!
Your boys are likely to become GUS
tOmers.-XVIth Amendment
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-05-19
NAKED TRUTH
SALOON,

SALOON,
Advertisement of an Honest Rum Seller as 10
SHOULD BE.
FRIENDS AND NEIaHBoRs: Having just
opened q commodious shop for the sale of
Liquid Fire. l embrace this opportunity Of
informing you that have commenced the
business Of making
Drunkards, Paupers and Beggars
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-09-01
CremnttOns at Pcre La GJinise.

Next month tho Parisians will be able
to burn their dead in four crcmatory
furnaces which have just been finished
ut Pcro La Chaise. These furnaces were
begun last November, and have been
hurried on to completion, SO that by the
end OF August at latest those who in
dying express the wish to be cremated
can be there reduced to ashes. There
Will be first, second and third class Gre
nations. Poor and rich will be on q
footing of absolute equality. The price
charged to those who can afford for tho
burning of n corpse will be 15f.-or, say,
Us. The furnaces were constructed on
plans by NM. Barrett and Formice. A
large portico is in front of dome, be-
meath which are placed the crematory fur
naces. They have the appearance of very
elegant ovens. Three hundred and fifty
thousand francs was the price they cost.
They are, according to the Corini system,
in use i'll Rome and Milan. It was found
that the heat of the Siemens furnace was
too intense Instead of reducing the
corpse to ashes it subjected it to
a kind of vitrifcation. The cost, too,
would be 2OOf., instead 15f., to Gre
mate with a Sicmens furnace. Tho
unclaimed bodies at the hospitals which
arc not used for anatomical purposes
will be taken to the crematory Mt Pcre
La Chaise. Sculptors, goldsmiths and
bronze casters are already busy design
ing urns, of which an assortment in
marble, bronze, gold, silver, zinc or lead
will be kept ut an Office of the cremato-
ry. The relatives of the cremated dead
can buy these vessels, and cause them to
be removed to fsmily vaults, or to a
building which the city of Paris is TO
erect. There could be no greater boon to
large city with overcrowded cemeteries
than the furnaces Of Pere La Chaise. /
cannot conceive anything more disre-
spectful to the dead than the way their
remains are treated here, even when q
iirst-class burial can be provided, if there
IS not family vault in which to place
them. Buying grave is no simple mat
ter The delays are endless, and the ap-
pllcatlon for one must go through many
bureaus before official consent is given.
Then there are other formalitics to be.
gone through. Meanwhile the corpse is
in a charnel house, called provisional
vault, at cost of If. day. The re-
moval thence to the grave, which must
be i'll masonry at the sides, is a cause of
danger to the public health. Paris Dis
patch to the London Daily News.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-09-01

carry moro weight with the negroes.
Nhlic we should like representation on
the ticket, however, the South has Il
greater interest i'll obltcnting every
feeling OF scctionalism, and to that end
would probably not urge representation
on the ticket as strongly as it otherwise
would. The one great desire of the
South, collectively and individually, is to
nave Northern men recognize that we
are American citizens, and have as great
an interest i'll the preservation of the
Union as they have. For many years we
have been most unjustly represented as
barbarianS, rcady to stab the Northern
man i'll the back. For the feeling thereby
cngondcrcd in the North we have not
and do not blame Northern people, for
We recognized that they formulated their
ideas from the maliciously false state
monts made with n purpose by Northern
Rcpubllcm papers. We have remained
qulct believing that with the increase of
commercial relations and the mingling of
Northern and Southern mon this would
be corrected. This has, in large mea-
sure, come to pass, and the presentation
OF Southern questions in a fair unbiased
manner by the Star will materially aid
us. heretofore We have not had Il New
York paper that We could place faith in
and look to for just treatment. All that
We ask is that when we arc right we be
defended, and when wrong rebulcd.
The World, while read in the South, is
not generally liked, because of its scnsa-
tiona and unccan style and the charac-
ter of its editor. The Herald is regarded
as weather vanc ready to point in any
direction. The Star is liked for its clean
Illness and bright, fearless discussion of
vital public questions"
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-09-01
DONa n Prcsngr Of Mnr.

The good old ladies are now beginning
to tell us that war is an inevitable fact Of
the near future. How do you know?
Simply because all, cl mostly al, of the
babies born tins year are boys. This is
IN uniailing prcsage of war, as every
sensible thinking man ought to know
1t is, OF course, very good thing that
We are advised of this fact in ample time
to trim our sails. Everything will go
up-that is, everything eatablc and sale
able, and wo must begin to store away
ard garner up Mt once. The shoddy
clothing manufacturers, and the ingcni-
ous persons who make coffee out of peas
and hard-tack out of pine blocks can
now go to work Mt getting ready supplies
for the army. Perhaps there may be IL
general exodus to Canada when this male
surplus in the baby line becomes known,
but we have lost SO many prominent
citizens to the unfortunate Dominion
that we are grief hardened. hope that
the boy-baby sign doesn't mean civil
war; wo have had enough of that. But
when the girl babies outnumber the
boys it will be plainly understood that
another sort of war is surely foretold-
the domestic war. This life is one un-
ending strife. Cleveland Sun.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-09-01
4 Chinese Production.

1t is q curious fact, unknown to the
vast majority of people, that the first silk
hat was made about fifty years ago; that
like so many other articles which are
common and of every day use, it was of
Chinese origin. The story runs that n
French sea captain on the coast of
China, desiring to have his shabby bcav-
or hat replaced by new one, took it
ashore, and MS they had not the matori-
al, they made him silk one instead
This, it appears, happened in 1889, and
he carried the hat to Paris tho same
year. Horc it was Immediately copied,
and in few years became u regular
style.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-09-01
In "a Bank.

\ gentleman greatly interested in col
Letting statistics of crimes and criminals,
once visited Il pcnitcntiary for the pm-
pose Of questioning the convicts with re-
gard to their occupations before entering
upon IA career of crimc. This was rather
difficult to effect, owing to the rigid en-
forccmcnt of the rule forbidding convcr-
sation with the prisoners. Ho did, how
ever, manage to put n question or two to
one low browcd convict.
'What was your occupation before
you came hero?" whispered the statistics
man.
81 was in n bank, " was the reply.
''Did you take II clcrkship?"
"No, ! took jimmy. Texas Sift-
ings.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-09-01
runishmonts In old Times.

The following brief record is reprinted
from the Hartford, Conn, CourNnt, I'M
der date of september T. 17Gl:
HARTFORD, September 7.
Last week David Campbell and Alex
andcr Pottigrew were indicted before the
Superior Court, sitting in this town, for
breaking epon and robblng the house of
Mr.. Abiel Abbot, of Windsor, of two
watches, to which indictment they both
plead guilty, and were sentenced each
of them to receive fifteen stripes, to
have their right ears cut of, and to be
branded with a capital letter B on their
foreheads; which punishment was in
flicted on thom last Friday. Pettigrcw
bled so much from the amputation of his
ear that his life was in danger.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-09-01
y singular Coincidence.

Said gentleman to mo yesterday: "I
was walking or Tenth street, near the
capitol building, this afternoon when I
met n bright faced colored man. His
oycs were remarkably clear, and some.
thing IN their ssloc- black depths made me
think what a singular thing blue eyed
darkey would be. Then L wondered il
such phepomenon could exist, and,
strange TO say, while thinking about it,
passed another negro, one of whose
eyes, through some trouble or other, had
become genuine blue. IL certainly was
most sin8ular confidence, take it all
around. st, Paul Pioneer Press.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-09-01
Perfectly Satisfied.

A widow in a town in the interior of
this State made her appearance at the
office OF the gas company the other day
and asked if it were true that electric
lights we're to supersedo cas- in al the
public lamps. When answered in the
affirmative she continued; 81 own gas
stock, and j want to know if this move
won't reduce dividends?" "Most assllr-
edly not, madam" replied the Secretary.
"But there will be much less gas con-
sumed." Exactly; but what has the
quantityiof gas consumed to do with the
gas Dill?" She went away without an
swering the query, but perfectly sati,-
lied. Wall Street News.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-09-01

The cactus is at present the fashionable
decorative plant.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-09-01

"YOu are regular dude" rudcly Oh.
served young man to an expcnsively
dressed strmgcr in the theatre lobby, the
other night. Wrong. my friend, replied
!hc stranger politely y mako dudes
I'm tailor"
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-09-01
JACK, TIE BUSlIRANGER.


The Strange ENrcrIcnca of mn Euyiish &c :,!r-
man who Went Cold Hunting IN n Go .ntr..
Where No aInn Could Gail III. I.,r, SnCp
Little Falls transcript., 1886-07-02
T,g,e l.aeld of Flowers.

A reliable correspondent at Jackson
Sille, Fla, writes: The soil OF the state
is generally ct sandy loan1, yet it. Is
adapted fer the raising of all kinds OF
garden truck" as we'll rs oranges. To
:s1,bstaafiate the truth of this assertion,
visit the market-houses in, Jacksonville,
where almost all kindsofsgarden produce
may be found. The caitle: here e1y small,
and there is good cause for this, namely:
the cultivation Of fodder and grasses is
almost wholly neglected.. The orange is
considered king, which we think has been
the one great mistake. Nearly every
agricultural interest has been suboriii-
mated to its culture. "A variety Of indus
trial pursuits should be projected and car
ried out, SO that If one or two should fail
there would not be such a atyencr:ai depres
| sion pervading all Glasses. ;
We would not inaiscfiulina<ely advise
everyone who looks with longing eyes
! Floridaseard to locate here. Men that
have q good stpaying job at home should
esciew migratory propensities, especially
! if they can withstand the riyors Of d New
| England climate Florida is talked mp
to-day 1or all it is worth. In the words
of Sam Weller jslghtly 1nodifieG, we
would say beware Of land agents and
their Elusive prospectus, else The "nipped u
will be heard to exclain, with Mrs. Part
iagtou, 9 Hope told a tiatiron tale. y We
would not be understood as intimatine
that land agents are dishonest; far from
it. We raean to say that human nature
is weak, and then s'lch agents have strong
temptations, thrown in their way. Not
svitEstanduag this we beheve thai Hlnlsildes nl',sle
! is destined to grow foor yoars ts come stn'
that jadicious in vestnient in hands here il
sure to bring ricI, reward. Z,
Little Falls transcript., 1886-07-02
HIrss Custer Haeets Wr. C0mk1fEaII

A third person Of distinction to whom I
was presented was A1G. Conkling. Instead
Of being impressed the moment I saw him
with the recollection OF his speeches in
public life and his career as a statesman,
was foolish and tridirg enough to notice
the rare sapphises in his shirt front and to
feel a sense OF relief on finding that his
nose has its limits. Inwardly | sent q
nlalediction on the caricaturists who have
such power to give lasting impressions
with their exaggerated pencils through
such widely circulated mediums as the
comic papers. I found Mr.. Conkling as
tall and as handsome AS his friends have
represented him; but his Z. hair and
vandyke beard are snowiwhite now. You
( can scarcely imagine how the deliberate,
dlgnifed, eloquent sentences fall On my
ear amid the ripples Of laughter around Us
ard the many glib tongues all rattliDg on
as fast as they could clatter. contrasted
| the sinkle of many tea bells: vehemently