The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1886-11-20
Election Day and Night.
From the Detroit Free Press.

Doesn't know enough to come in
when it rains. If he did, he'd stay
out and gel soaking wet just to oblige
his political party.
Bowser is passably domestic and
intelligent except at election time.
About a week before election he
begins to act up. He saddles the
party on his back and begins to grow
thin and pale and nervous. His mind
is filled with majorities, straights.
splits. slips, canards and candidates.
give him Hail Columbia-I have
even kept him awake all night talk
ing to him-but it does little or no
good. The old crank is figuring out a
net gain of 1873 in the Fourth precinct
of the Sixth ward all the time Pm
talking, and when forced by exhaus.
ton to stop for moment. he looks
at me with glistening eyes, reaches
out his paw and yells:
"Whoop! Shakel l tell you we've
got 'eml"
The closer it gets to election day
the more of an idiot he becomes.
Strange men come to the house, and
he takes them out into the alley for
whispered conversation, during
which they nod and gesture and
chuckle and shake paws. He is call
ed out of bed to stand on the front
step and mutter and humble with
strangers. who may be midnight
assassins for all / know. l wish they
were. l wish they'd hit him with
sand-bag and render him uncOn.
sciOus until after the election. He
slips out nights without asking my
advice or consent, and along towards
midnight, after have got the whole
police force looking for him, he
comes shaking in and confidentially
whispers
Say, Hammer, it's all fixed to run
Bilker in the Seventh ward. and his
election ensures us grand victory
all alone the line"
"You old idiot! But what do 1
care about Bilker or your grand vic
tory ?" yell at him.
Ssh =! Don't talk so loud, or the
opposition will get on to our racket"
And the way he and the rest of 'em
write communications to the papers
signed "Pro Bono Publico," "Veri-
tas," "WOrkingman" and "Taxpay-
err" is perfectly awful. I've known
Bowser to sit down and write
whole yard of stuff, claiming to
know exactly what allied the coun.
try, and furnishing a political pana-
cea for it, sign it "Truth," and send
it off to appear next morning in
print and scare half the country to
death. Bowser know what ails the
country! Why, he doesn't know
wart from stOne.bruise !"
1t Is on election day that his vivid
foolishness glares like an electric
light. He gets up half an hour earl
Ter, gulps down hasty breakfast,
and rushes off to peddle tickets aud
challenge votes, and see to bringing
out the full vote. He doesn't 60.
though, before l have said to him:
"Bowser. you are a flat.footed
idiot! You turn with a crank You
ought TO be turned out with kanga.
roos ! YOU"
"We'll make the majority two
thousand all around, and bury the
opposition out of sight" he ex-
claims. looking at me in such a
dreadful way that I feel shivers race
up aud down my spine.
AT noon l hear that he has bet our
house and lot on his favorite candi-
date.
At O'Clock that he has been pcun-
ded all TO Jelly.
At that he has also bet our horse,
COW, the baby and the cook.stove on
majorities.
At 8 that he has offered to bet me
against $l5 overcoat.
At 10 that he has gone to political
headquarters to stay week, and
that when some one asked after my
health he replied:
"Furs' rate; tough's old rhinosce-
ros an twice's ugly! 'Rah for Zhen-
era! ZhacksOn !"
At midnight / kick his Sunday
plug hat across the floor. ding his
slippers out doors, and smash his
pipe and go TO bed. I'll settle with
Mr.. Bowser when he comes home.
and if blood is split the law must
hold me blameless. AT noon next
dAy he comes home in a hack. hat