The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, 1886-03-16
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
A LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
TIE LEISURE HOURS.
An English ~Joke-IIunR Up His Hnrp-It
was II Hit-Whnt the Boy WOuld Give Up
"A New EditiOn-DOts md Dnshos, Etc,
A WIFE,.

A S1NEWD WIFE.
The wife of a Detroit Spectator went
East a few days e to visit friends in
the Mohawk valley of New York. In due
time he received a letter from her an
nouncing her safe arrival and adding:
81 am going to show you that a wo-
man knows how to speculate as we'll as
Il man. Apples are much cheaper here
h in Detroit, and l am going. to buy
and ship a car load on speculation"
The thermometer was Mt zero, and the
man pranced around like a crazy steer.
She could not be reached by telegraph,
and the letter he sent in reply was not
gone two hours when he received q
second, which said:
Enclosed you will find the shipping
bill of the car load of apples. Don't
sell one Of them ut less than 50 a barrel,
and don't never say again that m
don't know how to urn Il dollar to ac-
count"
Next day the man went down to look
at the car. Every apple was, of course,
frozen as hard rs Il stone, and when the
freight agent asked, "What banked
fool shipped you apples in this sort of
w~eathcr!' it seemed to be a great salts
faction to reply:
"My wife, Shiny wifcw-Dstroit
Ere: Press.
THE BORROWING NEIGuBOR
Lady, said a negro woman, stopping
ut the gate of n prominent citizen and
addressing the mistress of the house
hold, II waats ter tell yer dat l had
moved intcrS de house jcs' cross dc
street, an dat if I fms yer de right sort
q pusson, I'll ncighbor wild yc."
"What dc you mcan?"
"Nuthin' outen dc way, lady. Jes'
wantcr fin out eff. yer's de right sort of
pusson, an if yer is, I'll ncighbor wild
yer. Lady, l wants ter borrer or dress
ter war ter q fun'ral.".
'Go on away from here, instantly"
''Lady, I'll glib yer one mo- chance. I
likes ter hab good neighbors whercbcr I
Ibis, an amt gwintcr be rash bout
nuthin'. Lon me dat dress ter war ter
dc fun'ral."
600 away, l say! Do you think I'd
wear a dress after you had worn it?"
LADY, I'll glib yo' one mo- chance,
fer ez tells yer, l neber is rash. Len
me dat dress, case l wants to be n neigh
Dor wild yer. Is yer gwinter let me hab
de urcss?"
"l1l send for a policeman if you don't
go away"
'lll so. Yo' KANT be no neighbor
o mine. Use mighty pcrtickler bout
my neighbors. One pint I allus makes
is to hah good neighbors. Now, lady,
don't want ter be rash, so I'll glib you
one mo- chance. Is yo'-"
The lady slammed the door.-IoutA's
Companion.
COME TO STAY.
Mrs. Hendricks Ito Mr.. and Mrs.
Smith, who always manage to drop in
about dinner time)-Now, you must
stay to dinner. The bell will ring in a
very few minutes, and
Mr.. Smith-Oh, thanks, Mrs. Hen
bricks, but we couldn't think of it,"
Mrs. Smith-Oh, no, indeed. You are
very kind, Mrs. Hendricks, but l left
baby alone with the nurse, and-John,
do you think the baby will
Mr.. Smith-Oh, the baby is all right,
Maria, but it looks Il little like rain, and
lthink-er--pcrhaps we had better
Mrs. Smith, don't mind the rain.
We nave an umbrella, and besides I
haven't anything on that water would
hurt, but I'm afraid it's getting late,
and wouldn't like to put Mrs. Hen
bricks to my incon-
Mrs. Hendricks (resignedly)--Oh, it
will be no inconvenience, / assure YOU
Mrs. Smith.
Mrs. Smith-Arc you quite sure ?
well, what do you think, John, shall
Mr.. Smith-Tll-er- leave it all to
you, Maria, just As you think best
about
Mrs. smith-Well, then we may as
we'll stay; but really, Mrs. Hendricks,
we ought not to.
GIVING UP.
The minister had preached q sermon
on Sacrifice" in which he urged the
benefit of giving up some cherished
pleasure for the cause of religion. Lit
tie Tommy listened thoughtfully, and
his mother thought she would find out
how deep an impression the sermon had
made.
Don't you think, Tommy" said she,
shat you would feel better if you were
to give up some cherished delight,
some pleasure that you value, in so good
q cause r.
Yes" said Tommy II think per-
haps | might"
"Well," said the mother, greatly
gratifed at his religious interest, "well,
Tommy, and what pleasure do you think
you had better give up"
." don't know" said Tommy,
thoughtfully. Surprising I should
give up going to church T"-SomerpiM
journal.
A HIT.
In a certain Western town the mem
bers of the various religious sects were
very tolerant toward each other. The