The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-09-29

PLEASE, sir, how will you have
YOUR steak?" shyIy asked a pretty
waiter girl. Well done, thou good
and faithful servant" said the Dig
nifed young student, impressively.
kentucky coloneI-"Waiter.
something to DRINK Waiter
Yes. sab ; watah, sahF Kentucky
roIonel-~Young man | said some
thing to drink; don't want to take
Il bath
Young genius (who has had the
talk to himself, and, as usual, all
about ~himself): well, good bye
Mrs. Meltham. 1t always does me
rood to come and see you. [ had
such q headache when | came, and
now I've quite lost it." Mrs. Melt
ham: "Oh, it's not lost. I've got it,"
LIkELY.-Gentleman Cooking at
fat)-"I am afraid my wife won't
want to come up as high as this.
Its the tenth story, isn't it?" Land
lord-"Yes; the tenth story, includ-
ing the basement. [ think your
wife will like it up here, sir. The
family who occupied it last summer
told me they liked it better than the
White Mountains.
An unknown mar stepped up
to Brother Talmage and said: We'll
sir. | am an evOlutionist and | want
to discuss that question with you.
I am also an anihilationist. believe
that when | die that will be the end
of me-" ;:Thank God for that? de
voutlv calculated Mr.. Talmage as he
walked off and left the man perfectly
dazed.
1t was Freddy's first experience
with soda water. Drinking his
glass with perhaps undue eagerness
he was aware of a thrilling sensation
in his nostrils. How do you like
it?' inquired his mother who had
stood treat. Freddy thought a
moment, wrinkling his nose as he
did so and then observed: 1T tastes
like your foots was asleep"
Three gentlemen went together
into a restaurant and gave their
order. Presently they changed their
minds and one of them said to the
waiter: II say, waiter, we three
ordered three CLANS awhile ago,
didn't we2 Well we have changed
our minds. Instead of the CLAIMS
bring us three chops" The waiter
said "all right" and then loudly
called to the cook: 'Three chops
for the three clams!'
Iowa manipulating about dry
weather, why it's an actual fact
in Iowa the watermelons haven't a
drop in 'em-have to be soaked
before we can market'em." Nebras-
ka man-Shouldn't be surprised.
Wish you could have been with me
on a ride | took during the heated
term" Hot, eh?" Well, | didn't
feel it SO much, but it was a pretty
sight to see the corn popping in the
fields"
-'Gentlemen,7 he said to the
reporters as the sheriff put the knot
where it would do the most good,
twill you grant me one request
before 1 dies The reporters to the
man said they would AThen write
nae down as having been simply
hanged not Launched into eter-
nifty I'm no dude" The request
caused some CONSERVATION among
the young reporters, but they all
kept their word.
An Eastern drummer who was
in Knoxville listened to the COM
plants of a mountaineer about hard
times for about fifteen minutes, and
then observed: Why, man, you
ought to get rich shipping green
corn to the Northern markets"
Yes, I %orter,' was the reply. "Iou
have the land | suppose and a get
the seed?" yes" "Then why
don't you 60 into the speculation? 2
No use, stranger" sadly replied the
native; "the old woman is too darned
lazy to do the ploWing and plant
ing
i can't imagine what the
trouble is with that cow said a
New Yorker who is givinghi atten-
ton to amateur farming this season.
She looks all right" commented a
neighbor. Eyes, she looks all right"
agreed the New Yorker. "but the
doocid c%ritter won't give down her
~Hl