The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1886-01-22
VOL. XXXI----NO. 4.
VARIETIES.

-"Oh, mamma, mamma % said little girl
the other day, as she saw q chicken without
any feathers on his tail. dat old hen has
lost the ribbons out of her polonaise."
"A farmer was asked why he did not take
the newspaper Because" said he, "my
father, when he died. left me good many
newspapers and have not read them through
yet"
Lawyer Opposite bill "For Sail" and
intent on a little joke: Can you tell me,
Pat, when this farm will sail?' Pat: BE
CORA whin the man comes who can raise
the windp'
The average housewife will take more
pains to keep a sickly ffteen.cent plant
through four months of winter than she will
to keep butter on ice during three months Of
solid hot weather in summer.
81 beg pardon, but aren't you mistaken"
courteously said a gentleman to pretty shop
girl with whom he was dealing. II am
miss, but not yet taken, sir" she replied, with
bright blush and dropping eyes.
st. Louis Matron Now, young man, j
tell you, you must not come fooling round
my daughter, Jerusha, any longer. I've set
my foot down" Young Gllipod: GAIL
right madam, that covers the ground"
"A bronze statue of Bacchus, the god of
wine, was recently unearthed in the Tiber
al first in deciding whether it was a real
bronze statue or book agent from Chicago.
-Ephlum, what makes SO many cat tails
grow in dis heah pom ?" why, dey grows
up from kittens dat people hez drowned in
de pom of course. Peas like you wimmen
folks doan know muffin bout agricul SHAH"
First Scotch boatman: "Weel, Geortlie,
hoo got We on the day." Second ditto (some-
what thirsty; he had been out with Free
Kirk minister, strict abstainer): Nae ava.
The auld earle had nae whuskey, sac took
him whaur there wus nae fushw
Mamma" said a little Estelline girl,
"what is that man doing over there on Mr..
Thompsons porch? He's been sitting on
That, my child, is house painter. He is
painting Mr.. Thompson's house by the day"
"A horse was sent up from the farm to
be shod. Having number OF ready
shoes on hand, the job, in the absence of the
boss, was given to an apprentice. After an
interval the following note came to the SUI
perintendent "This horse don't fit any of
our shoes"
Dainty Dude: melinda, how did you
like my serenade last night?" Melinda: Il
didn't like your position" my position?
My attitude, you mean ?" mo, your posi-
ton. You weren't far enough fol me not to
hear you and you weren't close enough for
me to scald you"
ii wonder how the world will get along
without me when I'm gone?' said a conceit-
ed man. "Well," responded friend, "I'l
tell you how you can have an idea of it. You
just go and stick the point of needle in the
ocean, and then withdraw it, and see how
much it is missed n'
-Chicago man (fercely)-"Do you mean
to call me liar, sir?" Boston man-"That
is the construction which naturally suggests
itself in connection with the observation that
addressed to you, sir?" Chicago man (mol-
ified)-"All right, sir, Iaccept your apology.
allow no man to call me liar.
"A German of unspeakable height and
,orpulence was one day walking through the
streets of Berlin, when poor woman ac-
,osted him and begged for aims. He refused
ler. "Well," said She II beg you at least to
give me one of your eft-off shoes" "What
would you do with it?" "Why make it into
cradle for my child"
Doctor" said an anxious citizen, "some-
hing has happened to my wife. Her mouth
seems Set and she can't say word"
why, she must have lockiaw," said the
loctor.
DO you think so? Well if you're up my
way some time next week, l wish you would
tep in and see what you can do for her"
Here is a curious case, ma'am," said the
superintendent of the insane asylum This
nan imagines that he is the motive power
hat runs the world. He's perfectly harm.
ess, though, but he thinks the world
wouldn't move without hin. Very queer
lotion, isn't it ?"
Il don't know about that my husband has
rot the same notion in his head"
-Bagley-"We are about to hold meet
ng to organize soup society this winter"
Bolgertop-"An excellent project--excel-
ent."
81 thought you would be in favor of it. l
IN canvassing in aid of the society. 1 know
'ou will give something"
with the greatest of pleasure. You may
'ut me down for speech at the meeting"
"A Colorado man who had been arrested
or horse stealing felt that he needed better
egal counsel than he could procure in his
and he therefore wrote letter
o famous lawyer in Denver, asking how
much he would charge to come out and see
lin through. The lawyer replied, naming
lis figures, and in day or two received e
ispatch, reading "Yours received and
contents noted, and we beg to inform you
hat your client was lynched last night. Be
lad to see you at the funeralw
y