The Washington critic., 1886-08-27
i WONDERFUL INVENTION
The Married Mans Indicator -
Patent Applied Tor.

! Tho " Married Mans Indicator -
Patent Applied Tor.
The latest genius who has applied for
patent, says the Washington CORE
spondent of the st. Paul Dispatch, is
the man who has invented what is
known as "The Married Mans lndi-
Gator It is wonderful, sensitive
arrangement Of the ordinary thermOm-
| ctcr in convenient pocket size, and is
graded to a scale Of cabaistic marks,
which show the exact state of the do.
nestle atmosphere at any hour of the
night The hard-worled and belatcd
husband arrives home, say, about mid.
night. lie takes out his indicator,
thrusis it in the key hole, and lets it re.
main there q few seconds. Pulling 1t
out quickly, he scans the dial by the
mooulights ftful cleaning. If it
| marks IS. A. Sound asleep, the
poor husband pulls Off his boots
uoisclcssly uses the night key with
butcd BREATH gives the door a
quick pull, TO keep it from creakiug;
steals trembling to bed, and when
his dear wifcy wakes up about two
seconds aftcrward ana wants to
know how long he has been home, he
is sound asleep If the indicator scores
"A, A. c., B. ID. X. w. T." awake,
awful cross but does not know what
time il is), the husband puts few more
grains of coffee in his mouth, opens
The door boldly and walks in with
slam bang air, hits his boot intention
ally against n chair, wants TO know
why the devil chairs don't keep out of
his way gets desperately mad ON gen.
eral principles, sCarcs his wife clear ont
of her crossncss and curtain lectures,
refuses TO let her get up and strike
matCh-nevcr did like light at night
nohow-rcmarks gruIlly in response to
a timid query that 'it's about 20 min
ulcs after TO-" and then turns into bed
with such an apparent awful state of
mind that the wife of his bosom l.
afraid to speak to him, at which he is
very sad, of course.
There are other marks on the indi-
Gator showing just where ii will do to
play the lodge dodge or the sick
friend or "been standing on the cor.
ncr talking to so and so for more than
an hour, or General or Honorable
this or that from you know where was
In town and had to 90 away on the
o'clock train, and he insisted SO
strongly that the whole party stayed up,
TO see him oil, although he was a great
bore and we only did it through cour.
tesy.' But the most awful of all the
Cabalistic signs on the dial is the one at
the top about
When the weary husband comes home
about o'clock Il, IN, from the direction
of the butcher shop, with a roll of
meat held high in the air so that
every one he passes cannot fail TO see it,
and sticks the indicator in the key hole,
he is almost too weak to draw it out.
With hair on end he reads IL by the faint
| light streaming in upon him from over
| the eastern hills, and sweat breaks out on
his noble brow in drops as large as
| walnuts as he sees the bulb of the in.
dicator jammed smack up against "R
il. 5. ii. w. +. y. |. T. D." (red hot,
still heating, waiting for you inside of
the door. The inventor of the instru-
ment says that'when a man has this
terrible misfortune to overtake him he
feels that there is nothing left in life
worth living for.
He slings the meat out into the yard
and braces himself for the coming fray,
but says nothing, for nothing can be
said, BE he ever so gifted a liar his
accomplishment is more than value
less No lodge, no sick friend, no talk
ing on the corner, no sitting up to see
the general Off, no swearing that he
will never do ii again; in fact, nothing
will prevail. 1t is
AN INDEFENsIBLE CASE.
lie is caught. Even the ghastly
gaiety with which two hours previous
he had said to the boys he guessed he
would see it out, might as well be
killed for sheep as a lamb" had all
vanished. The indicator having told
him the exact state Of things, he knows
exactly what to do, and that is nothing
but get in bed at once and wrap the
drnpery of his couch about him, pull
the pillow over his ears and wait for
his wife's breath to give out. It's
| awful while it lasts, but it has its use
in relieving the unfortunate husband
of his great load of anxiety. The indi-
Gator is n great invention. Colonel