davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The silver state. [volume] (Unionville, Nev.) 1870-1903, 1886-10-01

A Judge Of the Court OF Appeals Is the
only State officer to be elected IN new
York 10 November, and neither party
has held or will hold State Convention.
The Democratic State Central Committee
nominated Rufus w. Peckham as their
candidate, and the Republican state
Central Committee nominated JUDGE
Daniels for the position.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
Stealing an Umbrella.
From the Chicago News.l

From the chicago News
In g. little down town saloon IN Chi
cago more than a dozen men tried to
sneak an elegant ivory-handled UNI
brella which leaned against a white
maple panel at the end of the bar.
Although several of the men were evil
IDENTIFY experts, not one could manage
to secure it. Whenever the bartender
caught a gentleman in the act, and he
managed to catch them all, he put up
glasses for himself and the dishonest
patron, for which the patron always
paid. STORMY weather outside" re-
marked well-dressed man, catching
sight of the umbrella and moving over
toward it; "another settler and lemon,
and take something yourself" re-
marked the customer, cordially. Then
hand slipped down behind the pleas
ant gentleman's coat-tails and began
cropping around. Pretty soon it
touched the panel and moved eau
tiously across its polished surface. 1t
didn't find anything, and the gentle
man who owned it stopped whistling
suddenly and grew red in theface. He
coughed violently and walked to the
other end of the bar to expectorate.
On his way back he glanced sharply
at the panel and saw leaning against
it the ivory-handled umbrella. The
performance was repeated. The
stranger was beginning to show signs
of having an epileptic fit when the bar
tender leaned over and said dryly:
Cant you get it ?" "Ahem, well-ah,
you know-my umbrella-you see, u
gasped the gentleman. eyes, it's a
daisy, amt it? Jim, the night bar.
tender, put her there, He's got
talent" The umbrella was painted
on the panel.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

am 25 l shall be q woman OF fifty
summers. Really, I cannot consent
to grow old as fast as that. "-BOston
Transcript.
MINISTER dining with the family
"My young friend. you must come one
of these days and spend an afternoon
with my little boys" Little Johnny
| (delighted) -"And can see the skele-
ton, too?" Minister = skeleton
Why, what do you mean" Little
| Johnny (paralyzing the whole COM
2any)-"Oh, [ heard ma say to pa
that she didn't know what she'd do
if she had such an ugly skeleton in her
closet as you have"
Two persons in a. country hotel 10
Kentucky were once disputing so loud
| ly on the subject of religion that they
woke a big dog which had been sleep
| ing on the hearth before them, and he
forthwith barked most furiously. An
old divine who happened to be pres
emit while the disputants were talking
gave the dog a kick and exclaimed:
"Hold your tongue, you silly brute!
You know no more about it than they
do. New York Ledger.
i ES, SAIU ne 10 his HolSuUOI tCIOco
the fence, ''the laboring men are in the
right. It was time for them to rise
against the tyrrany of capital. Down
with all tyrants, | say" "John
Henry!" shrieked a shrill voice from
the kitchen, care you going to hang
out that close line and split that wood
and draw that water, or shall | have
to come out to your" eyes, Miriam
dy," he answered, meekly, "I'm going
right about ii. "-BostoD Courier.
AT the dinner table-"Come, doctor,
you are very skillful. l will give you
the honor of carving" "With pleas
ure, madame" And Immediately the
doctor begins his task. He is very
absent-minded, and when he has finally
made a deep cnt in the leg of mutton
he stops, takes roll of linen and
some lint out of his pocket and care
fully bandages the wound. Then, af-
ter regarding it critically, he remarks
with professional gravity, while the
guests are stupefed with astonish-
ment: "There, with rest and good
care, there is nothing to fear."-
French FTiVOHties.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
To Digest Vulcanite,

Requires acids more potent than the solvent
juices of the human stomach. And yet, in the
evil they aggravate, to-wit: dyspepsia, solids
and fluids, irreconcilable in their constituents
that have no chemical affinity one with the
tively-no! Hostetter's Stomach RtSters, on the
other hand, a simple medicine harmonious In
its composition and readily assimilable, is ae-
tive, and produces marked as well as speedily
appreciable effects. because it is rational rem
edy suited to the stomach. 1t is tonic in the
regularity of the operations of digestion. Not
the least of the benefits which it confers, is a
thorough repair of the damage inflicted on the
stomach by illchosen remedies. For biliousness,
constipation, malarial complaints. rh umatism
and kidney troubles. it is alike Invaluable.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
THAT BALEFUL LAW.

Down with the law that builds a cell
To shut the prisoned debtor in,
That binds his hands and brain as well
And treats his poverty as SIM
Tear out the dark, dstressful page,
The record of a shameful wrong,
blot upon our modern age,
Which we have now endured too long.
Bring back the thumbscrew and the rack,
The headman's sword, so redly wet
The strange ordeals OF old bring back,
But never jail man for debt.
The stoutest heart you thus can cow
And drain the life blood from the man;
Because he cannot pay you now
You put him where he never can.
Yet this Is called living age,
A time when tyranny turns palei
Gtrange that the peoples righteous rage
Has not demolished Ludlow Jail.
Down with the law that counts as ead
The man who owes a paltry sum
Tear off the page, each scrap and shred,
And be no longer blind and dumbl
New York World.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

Two New Haven dry goods firms
were determined on Saturday to un-
dersell each other in disposing of
prints called crazy-cloth, for which
each had paid 12Aa cents a yard. One
at last sold the goods at one cent a
yard, and the other reduced the price
to five cents for ten yards, no one pur-
chaser being allowed more than that
QOOunt
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
Don't You Know

That you cannot afford to neglect that
catarrh? Don't you know that it may
lead to consumption, to insanity, to
death' Don't you know that it can be
easily cured? Don't you know that while
the thousand and one nostrums you have
tried have utterly failed that DR.. Sage s
Catarrh Remedy is certain cure? 1t has
stood the test OF years, and there are
hundreds Of thousands of grateful men
and women in all parts of the country who
can testify to it's efficacy. All druggists.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

A SAILOR from a British ship lying at
Vallejo went out walking in the hills,
and finding a big rattlesnake, he put
it in q can and brorgh it to the ship.
He was much astonished, when he
pulled the snake out Of the can by the
tail, in order to show it to native,
to find that the latter considered it
positively dangerous to handle.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

1--WE commenced selling Athlophoros
about year ago. We have had the best
success with it of any rheumatic medicine
we ever handled" writes druggist o. w.
Halstead. Of Mason. Michigan, and his ex-
perience is q common one.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

r. D. BIACKMoRE, the author OF
"Lorna Doone," is an uncommonly
skillful chessplayer, and is also a first
rate market gardener, his Gland bring
ing him in more money than his pen, "
q correspondent says.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
A Drugeist's Story.

Mr.. Isaac C. Chapman. druggist, Newburg, N.
Y, writes US: 81 have for the psst ten years
sold several gross OF DIR. VIM. HALLS BAL
SAM FOR THE LUNGS. can say Of it what I
cannot say of any other medicine. have
never heard customer speak of it but topr
it's virtues in the highest manner. have recon-
mended it in great many cases of Whooping
Cough, with the happiest effects 1 have used.it
in my own family for many years; In fact, al
WAYS have bottle in the medicine closet.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

A QUEER effect of fiat rates, says the
Los Angeles Herald, is found in a car
load Of willow baskets in nests OF four
from New York to this city, which ar
rived a few days ago. The whole car
load weighed only 1000 pounds, and
at 5 cents a pound the whole freight
bill for distance of over 5000 miles
was ONLY So SO.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

THE Duchess of Hamilton is one of
the most notable sportswomen in En-
gland. She recently followed the
hounds, and closely, throughout
chase of three hours, covering twenty
five miles of country.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
In LINCOLN's PITHY STYLE.

If brevity is the soul of wit the terse and
condensed style of expression common in
the West may be said to carry off the palm
for wit. A better use to which it may be
put, however,, is III clothing great truths
In a homely but telling fashion which
commands attention and carries conyic-
ton. Lincoln was master of this form
OF expression, and the pithy and apt sto-
ries which are attributed to him are appar-
emily without number. The facts which
are stated In the following extracts from
letters from residents of Wisconsin lose
nothing because they are put concisely:
"Athlophoros helped me greatly" says
Samuel M. Bear, of Cascade, "and prob
ably were it not for other complication J
would have effected cure / used five
bottles and am satisfied that the medicine
is good one."
A. II. Luchenback, the druggist in Wat
terick's block, Oconto, says:
"Mr. George Mccartney told me to-daY
that he had spent over five hundred dol
lars in medicines for the benefit of his
rheumatism, but that he had never found
anything which did him any good until he
tried bottle of Athlophoros, which made
a permanent cure. 1t gives the best of
satisfaction and does all that is claimed
for it."
From Beaver Dam the Rev. J. G. Rim
der writes:
+" / derived much benefit from Athlo-
phoros, but sometimes feel that I am not
entirely free from rheumatism"
"Athlophoros," Wallichs & Dilts, drug
gists, at 424 Main street, Fond du Lac,
say Seems to relieve recent attacks of
rheumatism promptly and in old chronic
cases affords great relief. A lady of this
city, who has been troubled with neuralgia
most of the time for several years pur-
chased bottle of Athlophoros at our
store and has since informed us that she
as entirely relieved before she had used
more than third of bottle oft"
T. II. Spence, 303 Main street, Lacrosse,
prominent chemist, and member of the
Board of Pharmacyofthe State of Wisconsin
says: " l have recommended Athlophoros
to my rheumatic customers with good re-
suits and some special cases have found
permanent relief In neuralgia it works
like charm and l consider it the best
specific on our shelves"
eve have had large sale of Athlo-
phoros," Palmer & Stevens, of GAINESVILLE,
state, " and bctterreports it than from
any other medicine we ever sold for rheu-
matism and neuralgia. One party tried
it for neuralgia and not only received al
most instant relief from that, but was also
cured of rheumatic pain of long standing
in the knee, Another party, E. L. Dim
mock, Esq, has been permanently cured
of rheumatism by the use of few bottles.
We could cite many more cases where the
parties give the most flattering reports Of
the benefit derived from its use."
From the same city E. B. Heimstreet
writes:
"Athlophoros is giving the best of sat
isfaction and its merits are now recognized
by many in this section. have the names
of number of people in this county who
have been helped by it."
NEARLY every person who has pur-
chased Athlophoros at our drug store pro-
nounces it as being beneficial to him."
says M. III. Pratt, of Monticello"
IF 1-o,, cannot oat ATur opuopOS of vOl1r drIIp-
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

II NOTICE." said the gentleman in
search of information to Herr Most,
chat anarchists never strike. Why is
this?" THAT" said the great apos-
tie OF mouth as factor in social prog
ress, with much dignity, sis easily ex-
planned. No true anarchist ever
works. u WASHINGTON Hatchet.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

IT Is AMAZING that any human being
should continue to suffer from biliousness,
nervous headache, Indigestion, or general
weakness, when it is as notorious as that
the sun is the source Of light that VINEGAR
BTTTERs inevitably cures these complaints.
This medicine is sold everywhere, taken
everywhere, and cures everywhere. Reader,
it will cure you.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
Free to Minist ,rs, Lawyers, Doctors,
and Teachers.

If you will get your dealer to order from
his wholesale druggist one dozen bottles
WARMERS WHITE WINE OF TAR SYRUP
the best remedy en- the acorld for Coughs,
Colds, Asthma, Catarrh, and Co1.sunnp-
tion, I will send two bottles free. Recon-
mend to your friends. Send name OF
druggist who gives the order. Map OF Holy
Land free with medicine. Address DIR. c.
D. WARNER. Chicago. I'll. All druggists.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

The two richest men in the House
are disguised with congressional Life.
These are FELTON,, of California, and
Scott, of Pennsylvania.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
They Will Not Do 1t.

Those who once take DR.. Pierce's "Pleas-
ant Purgative Pellets" will never consent
to use any other cathartic. They are
pleasant to take and mild in their opera
ton. Smaller than ordinary pills and in
closed in glass Walls; virtues unimpaired.
BY druggists.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

JENNY LIND is So years old end ex-
coedingly unattractive in appearance;
but the moment she speaks oneforgets
this, her voice is so soft and melo-
dious. She has one son, an officer in
the British army, and two daughters
haDnilv married.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

The Geological Society of Philadel-
phia has just received three very rare
Campbell's monkeys from West Africa.
There are no others in this country.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

A PERSON who lived two years among
the Greek Indians, in Indian Territory,
says he never knew of an indian man
kissing an Indian woman.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
"ROuph on Piles"

Why suffer PilesP Immediate relief and
complete cure guaranteed. Ask for Rough
on Piles" Sure cure for itching, protrud
ing, bleeding, or any form OF Piles. SOC
At Druggists or Mailed
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

The Paris Morning News reports
that Thorn6yke Rice, the proprietor
and editor of the North American Re-
view, won 100000 francs the other
day in two sittings at Monte Carlo.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

A 5O-CENT bottle of DR.. Bigelow Positive
Cure wifi promptly and thoroughly cure the
worst case Of recent cough, cold or throat
or lung trouble. Buy the dollar bottle for
chronic cases. Pleasant to take.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

THE City Council of Red Bud, Ill,
appointed each of the saloon-keepers
a deputy marshal. Their salaries
amount to $3.50
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
"Rough on Oatarrh"

Corrects offensive odors at once. Complete
cure of worst chronic cases; also unequaled
as gargle for diphtheria, sore throat, foul
breath SOC.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

fyou cannot get ArHLoPHoRos of your drug
gist, we will send it express paid. on receipt of
regular price-one dollar per bottle. We prefer
that you buy it of your, druggist, but # he
else but order at once from US as directed.
ATHLOPHOROs Co. 112 Wall Street New York.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

To ERR is human, but you make no mis-
take if you use DR.. Jones' Red Clover Tonic
for dyspepsia, costiveness, bad breath,
piles, pimples, ague and malaria, poor APP
petite low spirits, or diseases OF the kid
neys, stomach and liver. so cents.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
"Rouoh on RiIen Pills

Start the bile, relieve the bilious stomach,
thick. aching head and overloaded bowels.
Small granules, small dose, big results.
pleasant in operation, don't disturb the
stomach 25c.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

THE military music at West Point
costs the country $4,000 a year, but
it makes the cadets feel jolly when the
band begins to play.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

r THE Grant monument fund in New
York amounts to $12O,3O5; the Han
cock fund to S42 .742.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
Trough. on Itch"

Trough on Itch cures skin humors
eruptions, ring worm, letter, salt rheum
frosted feet, chilblains, itch, ivy, poison
BARRIERS itch. SOC. jars.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

The Frazer Axle Grease is the very BEST
A trial will prove we are right.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

BERLIN has of late years boycotted
French styles to such an extent that
only q dozen Paris modistes and
cooks are to-day doing business there.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

BLoNDM, the tight-rope dance is
now 90 years of age.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

in the spring of 1865 for 100 cabbage
plants.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

REMEMBER! Ayers Ague Cure is war
r,nted to cure fever and ague. It never
e..
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

If afflicted with Sore Eyes, use DR.. Isaac
Thompson's Eye Water. Druggists sellit. 25.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

The habit OF running over boots or
shoes corrected with Lyons Patent Heel
Stiffeners.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

A LUXURIOUS head of hair adds to beauty
and comeliness. Use Halls Hair Remover
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

USE Frazer's Axle Grease, tbs the best in
the world-will wear twice as long as any
other.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
Wells Hair Balsam.

GOOD wine can be had in Solano
CAL, for 80 cents a gallon.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

If gray, restores to original color. An ele-
CANT dressing, softens and beauties. No
oil nor grease. A Tonic Restorative. Stops
hair coming out; strengthens, cleanses,
heals SCALP Soc
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

THREE months' treatment for SOC. Piso's
Remedy for Catarrh Sold by druggists.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

'RoUGH on Corns" hard or soft corns
bunions, etc.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

"RoUGH on Rats" clears out Rats, Mice.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

Cures guaranteed in the worst cases. No
knife or truss treatment. Pamphlet and
references, Ii cents in stamps. World q
Dispensary Medical Association, 663 Main
Street. Buffalo, N. Y.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12
ELY'S
CREAM BALM

was cured before
the second bottle o.
Ely's Cream Balm
was exhausted. /
was troubled witt
chronic ca tarrh
gathering in head
difficulty in breath
ing and discharges
from my ears.-C
J.Corbin, 923 Chest
nut St., Phila.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

"RoUGH on Toothache." Instant relief.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

OFND NAME QUICK for Prof h00dys New is, 3. s
OCutng ETC. Agents sell 10 Day PrsGEOoDf cassassasW
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-12

"Nearly every person who has pur-
chased Athlophoros at our drug store pro-
nounces it as being beneficial to him."
says M. III. Pratt, of Monticello"
National Republican., 1886-09-01
Aristocrntic Pensioners.

The Boston Globe, referring to the asser-
ton of an American journalist, who lived
for some years in England, that "three out
of every four men obove As years Of age"
whom he had met In that country were
pensioners, remarks that although "this
statement may be somewhat an eXaggera-
tion, 1t is certainly true that large per-
centage OF people in Great Britain, as COM
pared with this and other countries, are re
cipients OF public money. Soldiers, sailors,
policemen, school teachers, and all the en-
ployes under the civil service are pensioned
after serving certain number OF years.
These Of themselves make up q large
NUMBER
The Globe calls special attention to
'arIstocrstic recipients Of special pensions" :"
Among those Is the Duke Of Grafton, who
receives yearly pension of $j2, 800, be-
cause his paternal ancestor, the first Duke
OF Grafton, was one of the illegltimate
children Of the Merry Monarch, King
Charles. The Duke Of st. Albans receives
an annual pension OF $22,500 for
the same reason as his grace of Grafton.
The Duke of Richmond, prior TO 1857, re-
ceived n royalty Of one shilling on every
chaldron or thirty.six bushels of coal ex-
ported on the river Tyne, which runs
through the center OF the great coal-prO-
ducing districts Of England, because he,
too, was descended from the offspring of
Royal Charles. But In 1857, the Globe ex.
plains, the house of commons, in view of
the enormous income accruing from this
royalty, commuted With his grace OF Rich
mond for lump sum exceeding $3,000,000
IN consols or certificates Of the national
debt, the interest ou which amount his
grace now draws, and his posterlty will,
after him, except a reform legislature sees
fit to stop the iniquity altogether. In 1851
the commons commuted In like manner
with the Duke Of Marlborough aud his
brother Lord Randolph Churchill, awarding
them a lump sum for the large yearly iu-
come received, because their ancestor, Jonu
Churchill, first Duke of Marlborough, re-
ceived IL. The heirs OF the Duke OF
Schomberg, who was killed ut the
battle Of the Boyue, the heirs of the
Duke of Wellington and large number Of
others are likewise In receipt OF enormous
pensions, many of them originating cen
tuhS ago. The conclusion OF our Blstol
contemporary, after citing these lsgalized
outraGes, Is thus stated;
The sad reelection which arises r. Griln4
this matter is that the people ofGrsdt Britain
and Ireland are Obliged to pay all these pln-
sions, The shoulders Of labor directly Or iu-
directly bear the whole burden. Is it to b.
wondered AT, therefore, that rags, misery, ani
dcNitution abound where the dasCendopts Of
| GilcputHbles Of past g0uarttioas are thus
| psmpeTcd at theeNpense Of the toiling masses!
Not year passes th0t does not witness
an increase in our own Hat Of aristOoratic
pensioners, and the opinion Is rapidly gain
ing ground that We must apply some radl-
Neul cnre to this growing evil. The retired
Ats Of the army aud nayy-especlally the