davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
A PARTIAL JUDGE.

a man applied to the Governor of
Dakota for a pardon for a man then
serving a term in the penitentiary.
"On what grounds do you ask for
pardon?" inquired the governor,
THAT the judge who sentenced him
was prejudiced."
THAT is hardly probable"
But can prove it,"
"Well, so ahead"
1.-The man had once traded horses
with the judge who wanted a very gem
tie horse. He highly recommended the
animal and said he could warrant it not
to kick. The next morning the judge
went out and found 1t dead"
"Yes, | see."
1.-The Judge told the man about It and
he went over and looked at the horse
and then he tickled its hind legs with a
straw and turned aud said: We'll, /
calculate that hoss is just as gentle as
said he was; still claim he wont kick a
tly. Just bring your children right ont
and let 'em play with him. judge. The
judge chased him out Of the barn with
four tined piiehfprk but didn't catch
him Shortly after he got a wack a,
him on trial and seRt him up"
Well said the governor, II think
he must ha, heen projuiieed-Ill write
olt .-rlo.i for yoar uaa.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
THE NEW ROUTE TO ST JOSEPH, MO.


The through line from Chicago to ST.
Joseph, Missouri, over the Chicago, Rock
Island & Pacific Railway will be open
to public use on and after May 2nd.
The extension west from Altamont( from
which point the main line DIVORCES to
st. Joseph) has been constructed with
the utmost care, and in all respects COM
pares favorably with amy of the older
portions of the Rock Island system.
Through express trains run as follows;
Leave Chicago II. 10 p. NJ. and 1l.00 7.
NJ, arrive in st. Joseph 6:l5 A. NJ. and
7:j5 p. M. respectively. Returning
leave St. Joseph 1885 p. NJ. and 1856 A.
NJ, arriving in Chicago at 2:35 p. NJ.
and 6:25 A. NJ. The passenger equip
ment of these trains, consisting of day
coaches, Pullman palace parlor and
s.eeping cars, reclining chair ears and
dining cars, is and will be characterized
by the same comfort, luxury and splen-
dor which have made the Kansas City
Route of the Rock Island SO universally
popular The new line opens mp a new
! ana independent avenue of transporta
tion TO and from one of the most four
ishing, go-ahead cities OF the West-a
city of $4,000 inabiIants, commanding
an immense trade that covers vast
area included IN the States and Terri
tories contiguous and tributary to it..
Success to the through line to St. Joseph,
and may the Chicago, Rock Island d
Pacific management harvest that full
measure of reward which their superior
energy and enterprise have so fairly
| canned.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15

vices OF the lowest character at that
The same condemnation applies TO our
Coroners. 1t is but seldom that :egu-
lar physician was chosen for the Office,
it has been more frequently given to the
keeper Of some grogshop, though It Is
an Office requiring the highest irtclll-
gence in medicine and law; and in New
York It pays from $4,000 to S25,0OC
per annum.
We frequently see cases where hus-
bands have sued out writs of habeas
corpus to regain possession OF lost wives;
but it is not often that wife sues out
this tremendous mandate Of the law, to
regain possession of vagrant husband:
but here comes Minnie Clausen into
court, and by habeas corpus commands
her father-in- law, Clauspn the brewet,
to produce her husband, or suffer the
pains and penalties prescribed for those
who disobey this sacred wilt. Young
Clausen was the heir to many guilders.
In the usual course Of nature he would
have inherited his fathers beer watts
with much Book bier, and other valu-
fell under the witchery of the fascinat-
ing Minnie, and from that hour the
elder Clausen might just as well have
been sonless. Dot poy vas cone. Mr..
Clausen tried to induce him to leave
tie syren, but all in vain; he pulled half
the hairs out Of his wig, and swore by
Gambrinus, Ia fearful oath when given
IN Low Dutch), dot der vas 10 more
Schwectzer kase unit prei2els fur dot
Neizelschoop in der Clausen haus. Then
the news startled the town that the
inconstant Minnie had cut-stick from
her loving lord, and had levanted off 20
that Paradise OF American sinners,
Canada, with a former lover A general
alarm was sent out by the police
describing her height, her hair, her eyes,
and her nose, little puggy; Alligator
CATERS, gold striped stockings, ard
laveling dress with polka dot; hat
composed of two fig leaves, q carnation
pink and horse fly. The town was
scoured-detective flew right and left,
and after three days she was discovered
ia a third class hotel near the BoweTy.
and stopping there was the identical
young man, who was said to be former
lover. When Young Clausen arrived,
although things looked rather queer, he
was 80 delighted to recover the lost one
that he kissed her and took her back
again. Now he takes his innings, and
Mrs. Clausen has to do the bunting, and
she can now see how she likes it.
BROADBRIM.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
OUR SOUTHERN BUDGET
FROM OUR SPECIAL CoRREspoNDEN1

FROM OUR SPECIAL CORRESPONDENT.
RALEIGH, NC, May s, 1886.
''Do / know the words of Maryland,
my Maryland? OF course do. Every
body down this way knows 'em. Here,
Eunice Eliza can sing 'em to YOU"
The remarks were made to me by
good-natured rice planter, of whom l
had inquired if he knew the words of the
famous song composed by James II.
Randall, who now occupies an editorial
chair on the Atlanta Constitution.
Now there is pleasant little fiction,
inyented by some ingenious newspaper
scribe, about the circumstances under
which Mr.. Randall wrote his famous
song. 1t was stated thai lying in his
tent he became wakeful, and finding
that sleep had deserted his pillow he
arose, and pacing TO and fro within the
narrow confines of his quarters he com
posed the song entire, after which he
retired to rest and slept like tired
child. Even if such were the case it
would not be such a wonderful matter,
/ not nearly so wonderful as the story that
is told of DR.. johnson, who,i is claimed
wrote "Rasselas" in few hours, and
never mended or sharpened his quill
during the entire writing. The latter
story few believe, while the former has
been denied by the author himself.
THAT song wasn't so alfred poplar
down here as you might imagine. A
right smart of us used to sing 'Fie,
Marylandr You see, Maryland was en-
tirely too slow in coming to the front.
But reckon YOU understand that" re-
m trked the rice planter as Eunice Eliza
finished the song.
The song is,considered from a literary
standpoint land who would look at it
otherwise?l gem. The author shows
fire in every line. The idea is that
Maryland is "halting between two opin
IONS" and the writer is urging her TO
follow him. He starts of like the clash
of cymbals. He warns her that the
'despot's heer' is on her shore, and
that the incendiarys torch is at the
door of her tempted shrine, and then
calls upon her to ayenge the blood that
had already dyed the streets of Balti-
more. lie refers to bis mother state as
the "battle queen" and represents him
self as kneeling TO her, praying;
"l'Or life and death, for woe and veal,
Thy peerless eiiyairy reveal,
: Aud glrd thy beautrous limbs with steel,
Maryland! Ally Maryland"
She is enjoined TO remember Carroll
= Howard, Rmggold, Watson, Lowe, and
! Key, the "Star Spangled Banner
; author, who are cited as heroes aud ex
amples. Virginia is pointed TO as a.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
Br0adhrin'S New York Letter
Special to the CARBON ADVOCATE.

Special to the CARBON ADVOCATE.
Let it be written in letters of gold and
be set double loaded in the principal
column Of every newspaper in the Unit
cd States: there is still hope for the Sc
curity and peace of the nation, while
free and fearless press stands watch and
guard over the liberties of the people.
Hear the news-the Grand Jury Of this
city has preseRted the cowardly Boy
cotters for indictment, and the stringent
measures adopted have stopped the
spread of the infamy in New York.
After scathing rebuke to the Justice
who lent the Boycottcrs, as far as he
was able, his aid and countenance, and
after an able review of the cowardly
principles of the Boyeotters, the pre-
sentiment winds up with the following
burning words, which cannot but meet
the approval and endorsement of every
honest man and woman in the Republic.
1.-The Grand Jury regret TO reflect upon
any officer of justice, and notwithstand-
ing the opinion of Justice Welde, a
thorough examination convinces them,
that this so called Boycott is an dccWsed
exotic, and they urge every effort of our
Legislators, the Bench, the Bar, the
Press Of the land, and every American
citizen, to aid in exteI minating this
hydra headed monster, now dragging its
loathsome length across the continent,
sucking the very life blood of our trade
and commerce.; equally baneful to the
employers and the employed" This
has the genuine ring Of pure gold, and
when a score or more OF the BOycotters
are lodged in the Penitentiary, these
defiers of The law will find that business
men and women have some rights that
even Boycolters are bound to respect.
Last week they undertook to boycott
the Tribune, in the town of Nyack, on
the Hudson. When the boycott COM
menced the Boycotters went to all the
news veniers in the village, and forbid
them selling the Tribune under the pen-
atty Of the boyisoii. The neSs vendors
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
WEST tNn EAST.

In olden days, when DIVES dined In state,
The poor lay starving at his palace gate;
And hungry wretches barred their blalns and
sores
Within yard of his frequented doors;
Yet. though reminded hourly OF his death,
The man Of wealth was able to forget
The claims Of want on those who never feel
The grinding tread of fortunes iron heel.
And il with want beneath his very eyes,
A man could shut his heart TO mngcr's cries
How easy for the Dives Of today
To fail TO hear the grOans Of far away.
Small need of music at q Mavfair feast
To drown the clamor of the distant East,
For Lazarus no longer dares inIest
The swept and Earnished pavements OF the
West
Crouched in his sordld room. on dirty straw,
He champs the bones that dogs tisdain to
'gnaw,
And shvcrs, iireless. whiln the frozen blast
Through panccss windows whistles SHARPLY
past,
Empty and naked, comCoril"ss and faint,
He moans, ana no one hears his wocful
rlaint;
The busy world knows nothing of his sigh,
And l. ,zarus is left alone to die.
Five miles away the streets are iull OF life,
And Dives drives in furS beside his wife;
The bracelet that her small white wrist sur
rounds
Has cost her lord trillng thousand pounds
Tlcn home TO dilnrr, where the fires are
bright
And stores OF plate reflect the dancing light,
TAe times are bad, no douLt. but might be
verse.
And Dives siill rrtaius \ portly purse.
! Shal the old tragedy he played again,
! with Dives in tie hideous part Of Cain.
| indignantly demanding; "Why should
! Be held responsible WHEN others dic?"
Or ~, tie Wes. search out the hungry
Fast,
Ere the dul cry for succor shall have ceased.
And give what help Il loyal brother can
To him who is, ut least, liellOw man?
Too seldom, nowadays. the gulf is spanned
That ever wider yawnS across the land;
But, while we live, the bonds OF love may
link
The nearer border with the furth"r brink.
IT'S Death alone that makes the gulf so wide
That none may travel to the other side
To offer there the long wlthholdcn dole
A cup OF water TO thirsty soul,
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
A SUFFICIENT DEFENCE.

1t was case of breach of promise.
The defendant was allowed to say word
in his own behalf. "Yes," he said, 81
kissed her almost continually every eve
ming called at her house"
Lawyer for plaintiff-Then you con-
fess it?
Defendant-Yes, do confess 1t; but
l had to do it.
Lawyer-You had to do I'll What dc
you mean?
Defendant-That was the only way
could keep her from singing.
The jury gave a verdict for the defend
ant without leaving their seats.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15

We can ridicule the red-noscd man.
but there is something brilliant about
him after all.
"A man in the city of Brooklyn has
got so deep into debt that not one of his
creditors have been able to see him for
months.
Are you made miserable by indiCes-
tion, constipation, dizziness. loss of ap-
petite, yellow skin? Shiloh's Vitalizer
is positive cure. Sold at DR. Horns
and Blery's drug stores.
Woman is not much of philoso-
pher, but she is proverbially a clothes
observer.
If a Mr.. Brown mlrries a Miss
White. and son of this couple marries
a Miss Gray, and daughter of theirs
again marries Mr., Black, what color
is their offspring.
The Rev. Geo. II. Thayer, of Bourbon,
Ind, says: "Both myself and wife owe
our lives to SWLoH's CONSUMPTION
CURE. Biery, Weissport, and DR.. Horn,
Lehighton.
When a man gets down low enough
to play dominoes as an amusement he
would consider taking his mother-in-
law to a Sunday school picnic an exhil-
Grating dissipation.
The man who is drowned while in
bathing faces death with naked eye.
Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy positive
cure for catarrh, diphtheria and canker
mouth. Sold by Biery, Weissport, and
DIR. Horn, Lehighton
From eating too much chicken one
is apt to have a fowl stomach.
john w. Mackey, the bonanza mil
lionaire, declares that ''money is an ac-
cident." Perhaps it is. Still, ii is an
accident which a man can insure him
self against by entering journalism.
Whether on land or at sea, on the
prairie or in the crowded city, Ayers
Pills are the best cathartic, being con
venient, efficacious, and safe. For tor
pid liver, Indigestion and sick head
acne, lueg never lhll'
When the car drivers strike they dc
not brake anything.
"A society lady, who was describing
a grand ball to friend few nights ago
was asked by a lady how she wa
dressed. "Low-and behold" was th,
response.
For pains, severe aches, weak parts
nothing equals the Hop Porous PlaSte
in value. 25 cts.
A New Jersey editor says: Z"
started to walk yesterday when high
wayman slapped me anl demanded
cent" Curious how The maa knew b
wa an editor
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
Very Remarkable Recovery.

Mr.. Geo. V. Willing, of Manchester,
Mich, writes: My wife has been al
most helpless for five years, SO helpless
that she could not turn oyer in bel
alone. She used two Bottles of Electric
Bitters. and is SO much improved. that
she is able now to do her own work"
Electric Bitters will do all that Is
claimed for them. Hundreds of testi-
monals attest their great curative pow
els. Only so cents a bottle at I. d.
Thomas.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15

AT a Lynn church one Sunday only
the clergyman and sexton appeared, on
account of the severe weather The
sexton was complaining at the lack of
attendance, when the clergyman re-
marked: "You and l are the only sal
aried men in the church, and were it not
for that fact probably we should not have
ventured out"
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15

Not over one woman in one thous-
and in China can read or write. A
married man can in that country, there
fore, leave in his inside coat pocket,
when he hands the garment to his wife
TO sew on button, sweet-sented note
beginning, Darling Bung-Lung," and
ending, "Your own Yingie," with only
one chance in a thousand of being found
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
jay Gould is not abnormally sens

jay Gould is not abnormally sensi-
tive, and yet the railroad strike has
seriously affected his system.
"A man in Philadelphia while quar-
rclng with his daughter hurled lamp
at her; perhaps it was with the inten-
tion of throwing little light on the
discussion.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15

Boston will not long be the liter
airy centre Of America. will it?' mo,
believe not. Why, they're raising
beans in Missouri.
The Irish patriots should not be
discouraged. Married men have strug-
gled for home rule for twenty centuries,
and have not succeeded in getting it
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
rr. Frnzier 8 Rnot Ritters.

Frazier's Root Bitters are not dram
shop beverage. But are strictly medi-
cinal in every sense. They act strongly
upon the liver and kidneys, keep the
bowels open and regular, cleanse the
blood and system Of every impurity.
Sold by druggists, sl.00. At Thomas
drug store.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15

Everybody is glad that Mr.. Edison
is married. They want him to invent a
method whereby the babY's midnight
shrieks will be carried off on a wire to
frighLen away the cats on the roof.
First love and a first shave come
but once in mans lifetime. And
neither usually have much result.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15

The best salve in the world for cuts,
bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rhuen, fever
sores, letter, chappel hands, chilblands,
corns, and all skin eruptions. and posi-
lively cures piles, or no pay required.
1t Is guaranteed to give perfect satisfac-
ton, ormoncy refun lei. Price 25 cents
per box, at T. d. Thomas.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15

would use Kemp's Balsam for the threat
AMI lungs. 1t is curing more cases of
coughs, colds, asthma, bronchitis, Group
and all throat and lung troubles, than
any other medicine. The proprietor has
authorized Biery, of Weissport, and
Thomas, of this place, to refund your
money if, after taking three fourths of
a bottle, relief is not obtained. Price
Soc and 81. Trial size free.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
Perfect Hair

Indicates n natural and healthy condi-
ton Of the scalp, and of the glands
through Which nourishment is obtained.
WhcA, IN consequence OF aye and dis
case, the hair becomes weak, thin. and
gray, Ayers Hair Nigur will strengthen
it, restore its original color, promote its
rapid and vigorous growth, aud inipart
to it the lustrc and freshness Of youth.
| have used Ayers Hair vigor for a
long time. and am convinced OF na
value. When was IL years Of age my
hair began 20 turn gray. ! commented
using tho Nicor, and was surprised st
the good effects it produced Ii not
only rest iored the color 10 my hair, but
so stimulated its growth. that | have
how more hair than ever before.
j w. Edwards, Coldwater, Miss.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
DR.. rrazer,s Magic Ointment.

A sure cure for all boils. burns, sores,
cuts, flesh wounds, sore nipple, hard
aud soft corns, cha9ped lips and hands.
Price 80 cents. Sold by druggists. VIII
lians Mfg. Co., Props, Cleveland,
o. Sold by Thomas, the druggist.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
Maryland! my Maryland!

Maryland! my Maryland!
Suppose, now, we take deliberate
plunge from the sublime to the ridicu-
lous. Randa's Maryland" was cal
culated to inspire, to call forth noble
thoughts and lofty deeds. How differ
ent are thoughts evoked by the follow
ing song that was sung in many camp
to the tune of "a Life on the Ocean
Wave":
A LIFE ON THE VICKSBURG HILLS.
A life on tho Nicksburg Hills, home in the
trenches deep,
dodge from the Yankee shells, and the old
pea bread won't keep.
Like u Rebel Gagged pine, and dodge when
the cannonS roar,
But give me corn dodgers and swine and I'll
stay forever more.
CHORUS:
A life on the Yicksburg Hills, home In the
trenches deep,
A dodge from the Yankee shells, and the old
pea bread wont keep.
The bread the bread. tie old pea bread won't
keep.
Once more in trenches stand, with my own
far-carrying gun
II the fray should come hand-to-hand, III
wager my ratlons I'll run;
The trenches no longer we view, the shells
have begun to fall,
The sound hate-don't you? so into my raj
hole Iii crawl.
CHORUS:
The bullets may whistle blythe terrible bomb!
come down,
But give me fun rations, and III stay In m!
hole in the ground,
I'll stay, III stay. I'll stay In my hole in thu
ground.
But that's enough of the poetical fo
this time, so from the fairy realms w
will take single glance at a cold, solid
practical fact that will probably be a
interesting to Northern readers as il i
to the writer. In the county of Robe
son, in this State, there are now stand
ing in the forests the enormous quaint
ty of S64, 100000, or nearly million
millions, feet of as fine pine timber a
ever grew on the face of the globe
This is exclusive of much other valuabl
: timber, such as poplar, dogwood, gum
oak, and hickory. A large part of til
land on which these forests stand
! very rich. And yet this wealth O
woods and lands can be purchased i
> large tracts from $500 an acre upwards
Ponder oyer this a moment, gentl
! reader 1t is bigger thing than yo
probably imagine. +. p. WOODWARD
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
No Pate nt-No Pay.
PATIENTS

obtained for Inventors in the United States
Canada and Europe, at reduced rates. with
our principal Office located in Washington,
directly opposite the United States Patent
Once, we are able to attend to all patent
business with greater promptness and de
spatch and at less cost than other patent at
torneys who are at n distance from wash
ington, and who have. therefore, To employ
associate attorneys" We make preliminary
examinations and furnish opinions as to "a.
tontability, free OF charge, and all who are
interested in new inventions aud Atents are
invited to send for n COPY OF our 'Fiuide for
obtaining Patents" which is sent free to
any address, and contains connlete instruc.
tions how to obtain patents and other valus
BILE matter. We refer to the German-Amer-
lean National Bank Washington. ID. q. the
Royal Swedish Norwegian and Danish LcKa
tions. at Washing ton Hon. Jos. Casey. late
Chief Justice u. =. Court OF Claims; to the
Otfcials of the U. ) Patent Ofiise, and 70
Senators and Members Of Congress from
every State.
Address: LOUIS BAGGER CO., So
llcitOrs OF Patents and AttorneysaiI,aw I.e..
Drolt building WAsaiHsTOS. ID. y,
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
MANSION HOUSE,

Opposite l.. & S. Depot,
Bank Street. Lehighton, Pa,
<. FL EONH, PROP'R-
This house offers hist-class accommodate
tions for transient aud permanent bOarderS.
il has been newly retltted in all its depart
ments. and is located In one Of the most
picturesque portions of the borough. Terms
moderate. sag-Thc bar Is supplied with the
choicest Wines, Liquors and Cigars. Fresh
Lager Beer on Tap. aprl7-S6-iy
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
HOTELS AND RESTAURANTS.
CARBON HOUSE,

JONATHAN KlsTLER, PROPRIETOR,
BANK ST., LEHIdHToN, PA.
The GA 2BoS HOUSE offers hrst-olGss accom-
m odations to the Travelling public. Boarding
by the Day or Week on Reasonable Terms.
Choice Cigars, Wines and Liquors alway- on
hand. Coed Sheds aud Stables. with atteD-
tive Hostlers, attached. April l0-yl,
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15

GENTs:-I have been subject to Sick
Headache for years. and have tried. In
vain, many advertised remedies and sew
eral physicians. but all to no purpose. At
last l iried your b. b. BitteTs-without
much faith. admit-but to-day l CAS-
truly say, that after taking the third bottle
have not suffered from II. recommend
it 10 all my friends; several have been
cured by il. NV little grandson was per.
manenlly cured of Biliousness and Sick
Headache. which were SO severe ~ 70
cause convulsions. They have All ceased
since lie commenced the use OF B.B.h
MRS. b. c. BODLE. -
Orange, Luzerns County, Pa.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-05-15
DACKERTON HOTEL.

idway between Maueh Chunk 4 Lehighton
LEOPOLD MEYER, PROPRIETOR,
Packerton, Penn'a
This we'll known hotel IL admirably rehtted,
and h as the best accommodations tor Derman-
snt aud transient boarders Excellent tables
and the very best liquors. Also hne stables
attached. Sept. l6-Yl.