The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-08-05

"A naturalist has discovered that the
toad is just as musical as the frog. This
destroys what little musical reputation
the toad ever had-Minneapolis Tri-
bune.
-Professor-" Mr. B., can you tell me
with what faculty we could most easily
dispenser" Student" Yes, SIR" Pro-
fessor-" Good Now, speak up loud
what is it?" Student (soberly) :" The
college faculty"
In Paris cafe-a patron pays his
score. Well, how about the waiter ?'
asked the garcon who presents the bill.
"The waiter!" replies the customer in
astonishment why, l don't remember
having eaten him !'-Paris Paper.
Scene. Night-Mrs. Jenkins" Do
get up, Henry, and hold this child" Jen-
kins-" Not much; we have just decided
that eight hours per night should consti
tute nights work--that's the kind of
union man am.''
"A little miss wanted some ice cream
the other evening She would not accept
her mothers refusal, and as the last resort
she sent her to her father The question
was nut to him who answered: 90" Not
much" She went back to her mother
and told her that her papa said "she
could have little''
Father" What ought | to do 20
boy who is lazy and disobedient, who has
no respect for his parents? What should
be done to that kind of boy? ?" Son.
Don't, for heavens sake, talk him to
death. Give me the lickin' that's comm
to me, an be done with it."-Iecns Sift-
ings.
What is that big iron thing full of
holes?" asked Laura. Locomotive
boiler" said Tom. Laura looked thought
full. After moments silence she asked
"Why do they boil locomotives ?" Tom
looked amazed "To make 'em tender"
he said slowly.-Burdette IN Brooklyn
EagIe.
Cooley, who died leaving a fortune of
two or three millions, made chiefly out of
his Lady's Book, was often asked by edu-
Gated people why he did not raise the
standard of his magazine and give it
higher literary tone. His reply was 81
am not making a magazine for the few,
but magazine for the Eliza james. They
are in vast majority."-Sprinatfeld
Union.
First burglar Gust arrived at new
mining town." Say, Jim, there amt no
bank in this hull DANCED place."
Second burglar" There amt ?"
"Naw been over it."
"Got any Doodle left ?"
"Some"
Enough to hire room ?''
"Plenty"
swell, let's start one."- Chicago
Ne,os
In this city, not long ago, bank di-
rector asked the cashier: "Is Mr.. -
good ?" That depends on whether you
inquired in Godward or manward sense" :"
replied the cashier. 81 mean manwar6,
of course" said the director. ain God
ward sense" remarked the cashier, " Mr..
- is very good. A No. /. No man
in the church can pray louder. But in q
manward sense anu sorry to say that he
is tricky" 1t is sufficient to say that
the note of Mr.. was not discounted.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
One of the oldest hotel proprietors
at Long Branch said something to-day
that is astonishing.
"What does it cost per day to feed q
guest ?" was asked
Counting all wastage, the dining
room costs exactly SO cents per head"
lis that all? 1t seems small compared
with the average charge of t6 or $s per
day for enjoying your hospitality"
"The rest of the charges, above fair
return on the money invested, goes for
music and all sorts of necessary, but not
essential, expenses" ."-NeD York Herald
Contributor: "You'Il like the sketch,
am sure. You see it is written only upon
one side of the pages"
Editor: eyes. That, after all, is the
only essential. Merit is of no account. /"
Contributor with a stare y "Eh ?
Well, put it to the best use you see fit. p"
Editor: "Oh, thanks. I'll write edi-
torials on the other side"
Mr.. Coldcash-Say, have you heard
the news?
Smithers-No, what is it2
Coldcash-Why. the Argentine bank
has gone up.
Smithers-Oh, the scoundrels might
have known such q rascally set of bank
directors would rob the depositors.
Caldcash-Wby, did you have any
money in itf
Smithers-Eyery cent made over te
my wife before failed the first time. Oh
the scoundrels.