Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1886-07-15
'AcERTIFICArE WANTED
If lnld" Runs Across Blooming Chump
on Railroad Train.
Detroit Free Press

on q hdlLiNdN AAUius
Detroit Free Press.
;,=t do like to run across ar English
,gbn is fresh to this country and
---arpined TO. combat American ideas.
u rood deal better company than
trerican would be in Europe Such
.5ro rode with us from Nieksburg over
t1JacbsOn.
aFycuss me. We know he began as
.,s conductor came along, but I'd like
.,mpartment to myself
There was no place to put him except
IN tbe baggage car and when this was
s.,artaincd he replied:
.tB. well. I'm no bloomin chump,
-s know Is this a hair line rail
Never heard that it was, said the con
~T5su why didn't they direct me to the
t.ir line. What's the use. ye know, in
s..Iav creeping and twisting all over the
ragntry To fetch up at some place which
SOMA hair liue5'
Ne had no sooner got him Quoted down
.r bat than he began TO find fault with
,.a scenery along the road.
.rfs dtyli=h awkward, ye know, to be
Gazing mt nothing but pine forest he
broke out. IF there are no mountains,
ofa-. valleys or pretty villages, why not
-ot5 work and provide them! They
.ar.t expect n fellow to put up with such
a-thi- and go over the route another
ume.
We rubbed him down gently, and had
restored his good nature when we side
tracked forten minutes for the other train
TO pass.
arn NO bloomin' chump, We know, he
n.-au nj tle end of two minutes. but l
certainly protest against this delay. If
there is only one track, who is to blame
rarH. lis my valuable time TO be taken
mo IN waiting here, because the other
train is NOT ON time: In the first place,
there is mo- b air line; then there are no
COMMITMENTS; then the scenery sets one
crazy. then We must switch off and sub
mis- To- delay. Gents, observe that /
protest.
Me patled him Oh the back and lulled
t.. storm. but 10 broke ont again as soon
-ga reached Jackson He didn't like
the situation of the hotel nor any of the
rooms In 81. nor the way the porter talked
back at him. and he flung himself into
chair and exclaimed;
-Um NO bloomiu' chump, we know.
Imr go This really, / can't
W.le ae had been fussing around we
hid 1u UP q little job ON him, and now
informed HMM that there was a carriage
attaa door TO drive him to q fine hotel
u the suburbs place we had not time
To visit.
oIaars Jolly, and I won't forget the
favor. SIZE know" he said as he tossed his
bags into the hack and drove on.
The driver was directed TO take him
ont 10 the insane asylum, and the order
was faithfully carried out.
I'm bloomiui chump if ID isn't fine
lataing though ! can't say much for
u. scenery said the man as they drove
up
He aIighted with all his baggage and
entered the northumberland office.
Oh about an hour he returned to the
0otel and bursting into the Office where
w- sat smoking he holly announced:
"First, there is no hair line; then no
compartment then no scenery; then no
double track: then / arrived at tho tavern
t1 ind it only third-rate club house;
then I'm sent knocking about to q subur
hgn hotel, and when 1 reach il what does
he bald headed old cock-G-coodie of a
landlord inform me? why, gents, that
I've got to have certificate of insanity
90 De admitted. I'm bloomin' chump if
your blarsted country isn't enough TO drive
ONE Wild"