davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01

The editor of 1886 will never sigh
for relaxation, never crave nor ask a
vacation, never become tired nor nau-
suated as he looks over the daily ex-
changes and finds them, as ever, filled
with the same monotonous record OF
deaths, murders, suicides, fires, burgla-
ries, embezzlements, defalcations, "run
over and killed." "death by Paris
green," shipwrccks, drowning-all the
same, the same and the same, from
years end to years end, with but
change of names and locality. So
firmly based will be his mine that his
lively interest in all these things shall
never flag, and he will 60 on to the
end until stretched out in mis- journal
istic coffin, the lively, sharp, incissive
chronicler of this eternal round of hu-
man affairs
Happy though unknown, happy
though poor, happy though dyspeptic,
happy though denied the green pas
lures OF his youth, happy though see
ing naught else from his sanctum win
dow but two brick chimneys and one
iron shutter, happy at the sight of 9th
ers making ten dollars to his one dol
lar by one-fourth the labor, happy
though no rests ON Sunday in study
ing what to write on Monday, happy
in seeing the pettifogging lawyer sent
on foreign missions by the man he
first nominated to the presidency.
Happy and cast iron. Happy and in
sensible to varying moods of physical
pain. Happy Happy Happy. So
happy he shall long to live on and on
in the flesh, a dweller in this earthly
tabernacle, a sojourner in this vale of
Observation-Disclosures Circular.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01

Long range guns are SO rapidly be-
ing developed that the rotundity of
the earth is offering serious impedi-
ment to correct artillery practice, as a
target placed at the range is necessari-
ly below the horizon, A gun, there
fore, whose range is fifteen miles is
supposed to be the most perfect in
strument Of war that can be devised.
This is an error. Let us continue in
enlargement until we obtain gun
whose rang is 10000 miles. 1t could
be mounted like the Lick telescope
with equatorial mountings, and be
loaded and aimed by a corps of COM
petent astronomers. Suppose we were
involved in controversy with Ger
many over the libels which that ma
ton has published on the American
hog.
Our ultimatum having been sent
and war declared, the astronomers,
knowing the longitude and latitude of
Berlin, could accurately train the gun !;
the mathematical corps compute the
number of grains of powder necessary
to impel the projectile; the engineer
times the fuse with accuracy, and
work out the trajectory and the cleo
trical corps fire the several cubic miles
OF powder at the precise moment ap-
pointed by the secretary OF war for
hostilities to begin. The missile would
clear all friendly and neutral nations,
land Immediately in the center of the
doomed city, and insure peace by leav-
no German alive. There are some
few mechanical difficulties yet to be
overcome before this gun can be prop
erly constructed, but l believe it will
yet prove to be the gun of our national
armament.-Henry Guy Carleton in
Scientific American.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
Roycotting The Old Man

In a small town not hundred miles
from Greensborough. Ga, there is a
certain cigar-dealer who has a beauti-
full and winsome daughter, A young
man of the place paid her attentions
and won her affections, but the old
man objected, and forbade the young
man his house. But, nothing dismay-
ed, the young man organized a club
Of sympathizers, and they have boy
cotted the old mans business-refus-
ing to buy cigars or tobacco of him un-
less the barricade be raised. At last
accounts the old man was growing
weak -kneed.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
Advertisers NIaxinas.

A mans sign offers a mute invita-
ton to those only who pass his place
of business his circulars can only
reach those to whom personal atten-
ton is given: but his announcement
in newspap er goes into the high
ways and byways, finding customers
and compelling them to consider his
arguments.
Trying to do business without adj
yertising is like winking at a pretty
girl through pair of green goggles.
You may know what you are doing,
but nobody else does.
1t is mistaken notion that fine
store in an eligible location, surround
ed by attractive signs, is superior
advertisement; for the experience Of
most enterprising merchants is that il
pays better to spend less in rent and
more on advertising. E
People who only advertise once in
three months forget that most folks
can not remember anything longer
than seven days.
You can't eat enough in week tc
last a year, and you can't advertise or
that plan either.
A constant dropping will wear
rock. Keep dropping your advertise
ments on the public and they will sool
meltunder it like rocksalt.--E9Ch0nge
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
a lesson For Tight Lacers.

The great naturalist, Cuvier, was
walking one day with a young lady,
whe was victim OF tight-lacing. A
lovely blossom drew from her an ex-
preston OF admiration. Looking at
her pale face, Cuvier said "You were
like this flower once; tomorrow it will
be as you are now" Next day he led
her to the same spot and the beauti-
'ful flower was dying. Then he roint-
ed to a cord bound tightly round the
stem, and said You are fading away
in the same manner under the com.
preston of your corset, and losing by
degrees all your youthful charms just
because you have not the courage tc
resist this dangerous fashion"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
VOL. II.
Castles i'm tIae Air.

Dreaming in sunlit garden,
Flow'rs around both fresh and fair
Lost in visions Of the future,
Building castles in the air.
Roses bloom in beauty near me,
What on earth more fair than they?
And what sweeter than to loiter
Mid their scents this summer day9
Dreaming in a sunlit garden,
Where each fairest blossom blows,
Watching bees so gayly rowing
From the lily to the rose
Musing here, amid Life's beauties,
Free from ev'ry breath of care,
Here weave my tender fancies,
Building castles in the air
Oft these visions end in nothing,
Fade away with things that were,
Yet we love to linger sometimes
In our castle built of airl
Flow RS will fade and joys will vanish,
Life itself must pass away,
Ali then, lot each heart, in pity,
Build it's castles while it may.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
Poisonous Wall Paper.

The Rev. John Cuckson, of Spring
field, Mass, has been suffering for
some weeks from symptoms charac-
teristic OF arsenical poisoning, such as
extreme lassitude, loss Of appetite, in
sonia, and a swelling OF the hands
and feet. A week or more ago he sus-
pected the wall paper in his study and
bedroom, and under the advice of a
friend samples of the papers were sent
to the university laboratory at Com
bridge for chemical analysis, with the
result that the library paper W; ound
to contain half grain OF arselic to
every square yard, and the bedroom
paper nearly the same quantity On
Sunday, while in New York, Mr..
Cuckson was persuaded by his friends
to visit physician, DR.. F. A. Castle,
who, upon examination, said he was
suffering from anemia, very proba-
bly, caused by arsenical poisoning, and
that it was not safe to occupy the
rooms containing the paper referred
IN
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
He Could Die For Her.

They were standing on the front
steps. and he was saying, al could die
for your when the door opened, and
her father and pair of No. IL boots
came out. The young man darted
for deep shadow.
II thought that thing said he could
die for you," said the parent. "Where
is he gone now?"
"Well, pa, judging from the size Of
these boots, ! guess he's gone to ar
range for the funeral"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
what make. a Women Hate.

"By the way, John," said Phila-
delphia wife to her husband as be was
leaving for the office in the morning,
II wish you would tell Mr.. Stuckup
to inform his wife that / won't be
home this afternoon"
"Where are you goingH"
"0h, I'm not going out, bat | hear
that she has sealskin sacque, and
don't want her parading it here be-
fore me. We have prayer meeting
at the church to. night, and / don't
want to go there with my heart filled
with hate
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
INC PONY Rreathed First.

A lady who lives up town has a
pony of which she is very fond, but
not long since she thought that he
was littly droopy, so she called a
veterinary surgeon, whe prescribed a
powder for the equine favorite. The
next morning she said to her man-of-
all-work
@Pat, did you give the pony his
medicine?"
II put it with his hay, num-" was
the reply, "but he's the cunningest
little baste I iver saw. He ate all the
hay, but not a bit of podwer did he
touch at all. Oh, I'll fool him to-
night. I'll give it to him sure"
The next morning the lady called
Pat again, and was surprised to see
him looking very rueful,
whats the matter now?D she ex-
claimed.
Faith, mum, got a big glass pipe,
am I put the medicine in it, an
backed the pony in the corner. put
the pipe in his mouth, an was just
goin' to blow it down into him, but he
breathed first, an he~ Che powther
in me instead CT in him."
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
Remarkable Case ofBoycOtting

"Ah, good morning. Nice morn
ing" was the salutation OF an Irish
gentleman to his friend. "How are
all the folks2"
"Oh, nicely. As well as could be
expected"
"Why, what is the matter?"
"0h, nothing mueh. I've been boy
cotted, that's all"
"Boycotted?"
eyes. Ny third girl was born yes
terday."
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
ARnd Memory.

A wealthy citizen had beer out until
the small hours with convival COM
panions, and he arrived home slightly
exhilarated. He managed, by describ.
ing several erratic rather than geome-
trical lines, to get to his bedroom and
and into chair. Then he called to
wife in a stage whisper:
81 can't get my boots off,"
whats the matter with your
boots?"
"Nozzin," lin a faint Whisper.
whats the matter with your hands,
them"
"Nozzin."
"Why don't you pull your boots Off
thenY
"Maria, I've forgot the combina
ton"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
She Wanted a Danger Signal.

Ethelberta-I want a pair OF slip.
pers for pa; No. los, please, and
squeaky.
Geniel Shoemaker-Squerky, missi
l am afraid we haven't any OF that
kind.
Ethelberta-I am SO sorry, Gould
you make him a squeaky pair. There
is certain young gentleman who Wis
its me frequently and-and it would
be very convenient for him to know
just when pa is coming.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
Miss Cleveland on Evening Dress,

Miss Cleveland has written to Bos-
ton lady; II approve of evening dress
which shows neck and arms. / do
not approve of any dress which shows
the bust. Between the neck and bust
there is line always to be drawn, and
it is as clear to the most frivolous So
ciety women as to the anatomi SITS.
This line need never be passed and a
fashionable woman's low-necked even
ing dress need never be immodest. II
t is so it Is because she prefers to be so.
1t is wholly false so far as have OBJ
served that a shocking scarcity OF
waists and sleeves mark the gowns OF
society woman This is sadly and
painfully true of a few society women
and it is indeed shocking, nauseating,
revolving and deserving of the utmost
denunciatien on the score Of morality,
beauty, health and everyother eonsid-
Grafton which good men and woman
should conspire to preserve and exact
There is need of very few words on
this subject and no argument. Any
American woman can wear the waist
Of her evening dress up to the lobes o
her ears if she likes. There is NJ
queen to command her appearance il
low corsage. She can also, alas, SO con
trive her dress that by the exposure o
her person all true social ethics anC
aesthetics as well are revoltedl Between
the two there is an appropriate AM
beautiful and modest mean which the
can If they will fOglows"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
Growth of the Telephone.

The growth OF the telephone is one
of the most remarkable in the history
of inventions. In August, 1877, the
instruments in use in this county was
only 790, while in February, 1885,
there were 325,574. There are about
$4,000 in Canada, and 1900 in Great
Britain. The number of exchanges
has grown from 100 in 1880 to 7S2 in
1885. In January last there were
1877 ,228 miles of telephone wire in this
country. There are 5,1S6 persons fur,
nished with employment by the ex-
changes. More different patents have
been issued on the telephone than in
any other single line Of invention in
this country. The total number fol
the ten years is 1,551.-Scientifc
american.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
Frightfnl Ordeal.

Charley (striding up and down.
It's terrible-terrible. l owe money
and can't pay it.
Jack-Why not let the other fellow
walk, Charley?
Charley-Let the other fellow walk?
l wish it was some other fellow. But
it amt. It's an Irish washerwoman
and she will be here in ten minutes.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01
In Fall Dress.

Country Aunt-It must be terrible
hard work dancing at a full-dress ball.
City Niece dressed for the ball)--It
is very fatiguing.
G. Al thought so, seeing as you're
almost stripped to the waist for it,
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01

"All the sewing, too" added Uncle
Paul-"the mending and making.
Neverwen anywhere except to church.
Eliab didn't believe in women gadding
about"
"The old savage" said Seth.
"She was fond Of reading, but she
never got any time for it," said Uncle
Paul. "She rose before sun-up and
never lay down until II o'clock. 1t
was hard work that killed that woman,
and Eliab ceolly declared that it was
sheer laziness when she could not
drag herself around any longer. And
when she died he rolled up his eyes
and called it a visitation of Provi-
dence."
"Why didn't the neighbors lynch
him2" cried Seth, fairly aroused to in
dignation at last.
"Why don't the neighbors lynch
you!" said Paul.
Seth dropped the sickle and stared.
Nephew Seth," said Uncle Paul,
impressively, "thou art the mani Are
you not doing the same thing"
"I2" gasped Seth.
"Your wife is doing the work Of
household of sixteen people" said I'm
Gle Paul "She is drudging as you
could hire no foreigner to drudge.
She is rising early and lying down
late she is offering up her life on the
shrine of your farm and its require
ments. l have seen her grow thin and
pale even during the few days l have
been here. have carried water and
split wood for her, because there was
no one else to do it. / have seen her
carry up Mrs. Belford's breakfast
daily to her room, because Mrs. Bel
ford preferred to lie in bed; and cook
dainty dishes for Helen Patterson, be-
cause Helen wouldn't eat what the
rest liked. No galley slave ever work
ed as she does. And you, with your
hired men-whose board only adds to
her cares-and your labor-saving ma
chinery, stand coolly by and see her
commit slow suicide. Yes, Nephew
Seth, ] think it is acase for lynching."
Seth had grown pale.
I-I never thought OF this" said
he "Why didn't some one tell me2"
"Where were your own eyes?" ask
ed Uncle Paul.
Seth Bellenden rolled down his
shirt-sleeves, put on his coat and went
into the house.
He told the Belfords and Pattersons
that it was inconvenient to keep them
any longer, He gave Cousin Susan to
understand that her room was needed.
He made arrangements to board the
hired men atthe vacant farmhouse
and engaged a stout dairyman and a
house servant to wait on Lucy. And
he telegraphed toher father to come
to Sylvan Bridge at once.
"She deserves a treat" he said. "He
shall spend the summer with u.s."
And then he went to tell Lucy.
She had tainted among the butter
cups picking strawberries for tea
Poor little Lucyl The machinery
had utterly refused to revolve any
longer.
His heart grew cold within him.
"she will die" he thought, "and l
shall have murdered herw
But she did not die. She recovered
her strength by degrees.
"It is better than medicine" said
she, ITO know that Seth is thinking OF
me and for me-"
And Uncle Paul-"the last straw"
as she had called him--had proved
her salvation.
81 didn't want her to go as Eliab's
wife did," said Uncle Paul.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01

Mrs Garfield will leave Cleveland
and reside permantly an Mentor here
after.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-04-01

The Countess de Chambcrd is dead.
Sam Small has quit using tobacco.
Even Chicago has its uses
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1886-11-19
How Farmers are Robbed by Railroad
Determinations.
Speech of Senator EdmOnds at the Vermont
State Agricultural Fair.

Speech of Senator Edmonds at the Vermont
State Agricultural Fair. (:
And in still another and most impor-
tant way, the state If things l have
mentioned injuriOusly affects our farm
ers, manufacturers and merchants. This
is done by charging too high rates for
short transportation and too low rates
for long distances. 1t frequently hap.
pens, as everybody knows, shat it costs
the farmers and manufacturers of Ohio,
for instance, as much or more to trans
port their products FIVE hundred miles to
market, as it does the farmers and man
ufacLurers of Texas or Oregon to send
their products to the same market over
distances three or four times as great
And We know of like instances all over
the country. The railroad companies
have the right to live and make fair
profits from their business. II they do
this it follows that of their income the
shippers Cor short distances, in the cases
supposed, have paid rates unreasOnably
high, and the shippers for longer oistan-
ces have paid rates unreasonably low
The farmers of Vermont, for instance,
where the price of land and wages is
high are by these methods compelled to
contribute q part of their hard earned
gains to the farmers of some distant
part of the country, where land and wa
ges are low, to help them make theiI
products worth as much as if they had
been grown or raised within three hun
dred miles of Boston or New York
This cannot be justice. NeacBess or
distance from the place of sale OF con-
SUMPTION are just as natural and un-
changeable relations as are those Of the
soil, climate, skill or thrift. AS well
might the farmer, who with good lard
and thorough aud industrious cultiva-
tion. has raised good crop. ,.be required
to give part of it to his neighbor, who
with poorer land, Incidence and infinite
weeds, has raised only half as much
And this, of course, applies as well to
all sorts of things produced as to those
of the farm.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1886-11-19

WHEN few years ago VI. S. Quay,
that brilliant statesman" as he was
styled by the Republicans of this county
in convention assembled, so manipulated
the Pardon Board as TO snatch, as it
we're, William II. Kemble from the por-
tails of Moyamensing prison, thereby
bringing down upon his head the swift
indignation of the Republican press
throughout the State, it was accepted as
a fOregone conclusion that his political
star had set never more to rise. In the
summer Of 1885, however, Quay was
himself again, and by giving the screw
OF the Republican machine another
turn, he appeared before the people of
the State as the full fledged nominee OF
the Republican party for State Treasu-
rer. He was elected, his party having
condOned his offeDse, and it was then
believed that his audacious ambition
was satisfied. But it wasn't, and he is
scarcely warm in the Treasury at Har-
Tisburg until he aspires to a seat In the
Senate of the United States, and bids
fair to clutch the prize without any one
saying him nay. 1t is the most singular
and instructive illustration of the power
of scientific bossism that this State. or
perhaps any other, has ever witnessed.
The Republican members Of the next
Legislature are now 50 completely car
ried off their feet with admiration for
this new favorite Republican son of the
Keystone State, that they have already.
informally, to be sure, elected him, al
though it is two months in advance of
the time when they can legally do so.-
The Philadelphia delegation first set the
Quay ball IN motion, followed by the
Allegheny members, then by the SchuyI-
kill and Lancaster delegations, and IT is
still rolling on. Galusha A. Grow.
Wharton Barker, Calvin Wells and
Thomas V. Cooper, each of whom had
a Senatorial lightning rod erected, gaze
with suddenly awakened awe, without
the admiration, upon this blazing QUAY
comet, with its long, luminous. busbv
tail, as it sweeps onward through tie
Republican sky, and feel as though they
had been struck with large slice of the
Day OF Judgment, When Quay is elect
ed, let each of them, when he RECEIVERS
from the shock, say of him, as a great
military commander of olden times said
of his successful opporent, Great, let
me call him, for he conquered me. s"
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1886-11-19

JOHN SUMMERFIELD STAPLES, who
was President Lincoln's substitute du-
ring The war, and received 5000 bounty,
is at present living at Stroudsburg, Pa.
working at his trade, which is that OF
carpenter. He Is a sober, industrious
man. When he was enlisted he was Is
years old. When the quota of the Third
ward, Washington, in which Mr.. Lin
coin lived, was fixed, he requested Mr..
\. d. Larner to procure him substi-
tute. While Mr., Larner was walking
down Pennsylvania Avenue he met the
young man and his father, Rev. John
L. Staples. He stopped them and said
to the SOD, You are the man l have
been looking for. How would you like
to go as a substitute for President Lin
colng" Mr, Staples replied he was
willing il his father consented, which
the latter did. Arrangements we're then
and there made, and the result was that
young Staples after seeing Mr.. Lincoln,
who was pleased with him, was mus
tered in.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1886-11-19
PRO-CAPHEDRAL BURNED.
Allegheny Cathedral Destroyed.

About half past twelve O'Clock on last
Saturday morning St. Peters Roman
Catholic Pro Cathedral in Allegheny
was discovered to be on fire. The alarm
was sounded and the department quickly
responded, the entire force turning out,
but il was impossible to save the beauti-
full building, and it was only by the
most strenuous efforts that the fire was
kept from spreading.
The church was supposed to be the
handsomest Catholic church in Western
Pennsylvania, and was finished in 1874.
1t was built of Slue sandstone. after the
pure Gothic style. The spire was IT'S
feet high. In the interior were three
heavy arches, extending the length of
the entire building. IE the front, facing
Ohio street.. was the choir gallery,
f1anked on each side by smaller galleries.
The stained glass windows, nine on each
side, were the private donations of the
best known Roman Catholic families,
each bearing the name of the donor.
The total cost of the Cathedral was
$50. 600. An insurance of SAC, 600, in
Eastern companies principally, was car
ried
The altar was the finest in PittsOurg,
and was built in Cincinnati, of imported
marble. Il cost So, 500. The pulpit was
of solid walnut, of modern finish. The
organ cost 1000. and was built by
POmpiigz, of Baltimore. For six weeks
a workman from that city has been re-
pairing it. 1t was entirely destroyed
The architect was Kelly, of Brooklyn,
n. Y.
To-day Bishop Phelan made arrange
ments for the disposition of the coDgre-
cation which usually worships there
AS soon as possible the work of rebuild
ing will be begun.
The origin of the FIRE is somewhat of
a mystery. Last Saturday natural gas
fixtures were placed in the church and
the connections were made. The janitor
left the building at about Z O'Clock last
evening. The gas was turned off, but
the furnace was still burning. 1t is
supposed that the gas escaped and was
| ignited at one of the registers.