davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

Miss Clara-"Are you an anglo
maniac, Mr.. Featherlyf" Mr. Feath-
erly--"Weli, hardly as strong as that,
Miss Clara. l fish occasionally; but
| am fond of angling to limited ex-
tent only."-New York Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

"Choke the man who writes it *
mas" says the Deroit Free Press.
This is cruel. 1t is very little thing
to permit a man to make his mark
Rochester Chronicle.] True; every
man has a write to market at Xmas
time.-Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

Doctor" said the grateful patient,
seizing the physicians hand, 81 shall
never forget that to you l owe my
life" "You exaggerate," said the
doctor mildly: "Ycu only owe me
for fifteen visits; that is the point
which hope you will not fail to re-
member. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

Some one advertises in Philadel-
phia paper for "a young man to
play the piano-wbite or colored." !"
We never saw.a white piano, but it
seems there is such a breed in the
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

There are four Taylors in the New
York Legislature. There will proba-
bly, be some new measures introduced
about the clothes Of the session con-
cerning breeches of the peace.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

Birdie McHennepin and her broth
er were at the seashore. "Oh, see
that" exclaimed Birdie. "See
what?" inquired the stoical John.
"Wby, see that little cloudlet, just
above the wavelet, like a tiny leanet,
dancing DER the scene." "Oh, come,
you had better go out to the pump
let, in the back yardet and soak your
little headlet.'
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

Sweden is good cattle country,
because there the animal never strays,
the cattlemen always finding their
Stockholm.-Folia.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

"Mother, said little Rockland
girl, looking up from her book, "what
does transatlantic mean ?"
"Oh, across the Atlantic, of course.
Don't bother me, you make me forget
my count"
"Does trans always mean :"
81 suppose it does. If you don't
stop bothering me with your questions
you'll go to bed"
"Then does transparent mean a
cross parent?"
Ten minutes later she was resting
in her little conch.-Rockland Couri-
or
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

Second. thoughts are always best.
Woman was but an afterthought of
creation. Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

A popularity of stage banquet is
the great variety of supes.-Free
Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

Pretty clothes quarters-the closet
where fashionable woman hangs her
best garments.-Palmer Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

Among manufacturers of preserves
there is always more or less jellycus-
ly.-Merchant Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

Mr.. Fun's Funniest Funny Man ::
"You know, Mr.. Barber, you're a
most ill-natured person." Barber !:
"Indeed, SIR" Mr.. Fun's f. f. M. !:
eyes, you take a delight in seeing
people in for scrapes, and though you
give yourself (h)airs, you are always
taking off everybody elsc's." Bar
ber: Now, really, Mr.. Wheezer, l
hope you'll keep quiet till I've fin
ished lathering YOU" Mr.. Fun's f.
f. NJ: Lets soap So" Barber
desperate: Look here, Mr.. Wheel
er, if you keep on indulging in jokes,
you'll find / shall presently be illus
trating them-by cuts.-London Fun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

Because the baby is little yeller,
it's no sign that he is a Chinaman.-
Palmer journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06
WIT AND HUMOR.

A snow plow is like bad habit-a
good thing to cut adrift.--Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

A popular air with the ladies'
"Sweet buy and buy."-Chicago
Ledger.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

1t was said of the eloquent prose-
cutting attorney that people hang upon
his words.-The Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06

"Ive eaten next to nothing" lisped
Smithers, who was dining with his
girl.
"Oh, l always do that when | sit
next to you," responded the young
lady pleasantly.-Sam.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06
W.M. p. MAIDEN. III. u.

Physician, Surgeon, GynGcol loSiSt' h''''
Late Asst Surgeon U. S. Army; EN linc;nSI Life
geon for u s. Pensioners and all ths on Second
Insurance Co.'s. Residence ana oin0'
ST.. nearly opposite the Union HOUSE,
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-06
The Niagara Falls Romte.
MAIN LINE

Arrival and dspartar. of train. nesed below as
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25
A Woman Who Can Write,

The London Daily Nesos is represent
ed in Paris by woman and remarka-
Bile one she is, too. For nearly thirty
years that papers correspondent was
the late Mr.. Crawford. In his younger
days he was warm personal friend of
Thackaray; indeed, it was that illustrious
writer who got him his appointment
to the position. Then he married
handsome Irish girl of excellent family.
She went with him to Paris and very
soon she, too, had entered upon journ.
alism. Last spring he died at a ripe old
age.
Her main help in her daily newspaper
work is her son Robert, a young man of
about twenty-five years of age and OF
many excellent qualities He was born
in France. as were all of Mrs Craw-
ford's children, and was educated in
England. Then he went to work with
NJ Marcel Duprez, the eminent electri-
clan, where he remained until the death
Of MS father, when he came TO his
mothers assistance. There are two
other sons-one of them is now at Cam
bridge-and daughter, Leoni, so
named in honor of the late Leon Gam
DelIa, VINO was ner ldlnef lifelong
friend. Mrs. Crawford'S salary from
the Daily Ae10S is not so large as that
paid the Times correspondent, but her
earnings from it and from other journals
must be very considerable | should
guess close on 10 $4,000 annually
She will publish her "Recollecuons'
some day, and the book ought to have a
large sale. - Paris Letter TO Boston
Herald.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25
BISMARCK AS A MARRIAGE
BROKER.

1t is said that Prince Bismarck, by
his advice to his Reichenbach inter
viewer to read Goethe's Faust" has
not only helped the second hand book
seller to clear out every hitherto IN
sold copy of that poem, but has stirred
up Gotta, Redarn, and host of pub
fishers to issue new editions of it in
al sizes and prices. The grim chan
cellor has also served as an unconsci-
Gus advertiser III a more delicate af-
fair 1t the beginning of February
the advertising columns of a newspap-
er contained the following insertion:
"Offer of Marriage-A merchant of
pleasing exterior, 80 years old, with a
prosperous business and large CAPT
tai, has been moved through reading
the recent debates in the chambers to
seek a wife As SO many of the
speakers, and especially his highness
the imperial chancellor, warmly prais-
ed the amiability of the Polish ladies,
he IS resolved to wed no one but a
Pole. She need not possess any pro
perry, but be of a handsome figure, and
between the age of II and 20" Re
plies, under specified signature,
We're to be sent to the publishing of
fee of the paper. The same journal
announced last week that it had learn
ed, through a friend of the advertise
er, that his search for a Polish wife
was most successful He is the hus-
band of of a very charming Polish
lady, with whom he is now upon a
wedding tour in south of Italy.-PaH
Mai Gazette.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25
Mr.. MOody'S Woodchucks.

d. L. Moody has . good story to tell
OF the benevolent capitalists who some
times visit him at his pleasant North
Held home. You business men don't
get all the benefit OF this labor agita-
ton" he sometimes says; II know how
1t is. I've been boycotted myself"
You, Mr. Moody?" they ask in sur
prise; 1--WE thought you were way out
OF range of that sort of thing" No, l
ain t, replies the genial evangelist, and
with a twinkle in his eve he tells the
story of his experience with the labor
agltators. 1t was several years ago,
when his boys school at Mount Hermon
mad It's beginning. There wasn't much
to the school then except two or three
buildings, two small classes of boys and
vast eXpanse of pasture land, which
now, Mr.. Moody says, he is making to
blossom Ike a garden. But it was
alive with woodchucks then, and in
their ages of undisturbed possession
they had burrowed through and through
that pasture land till they must have
had an underground network of holes
that crossed each other like veritable
labyrinth. Mr.. Moody was inclined to
us JlitC lIICll HOSSCSSlOll. anu OuCItu lib
boys 20 cents head for their capture.
The boys were fully alive to their oppor-
tunities, and many was the hunting
party that came home laden with dead
woodchucks, which were promptly ex-
changed for silver quarters by their
worthy employer. A little band of In
dian boys especially distinguished them
selves on the hunt, having the advant-
age over the other boys by reason of
their early training; but no one had
reason to complain, for time smiled on
them all in those days, and dreadful
was the woodchuck mortality.
BY and by Mr.. Moody found that his
outlay for woodchucks was beginning to
be an appreciable drain on his purse;
when wOOdchuckS were so plenty %
cents was altogether too high price to
pay for them, be reasoned, and one
morning be announced to the school
that he would be compelled to cut
down the bonus on woodchucks from %
cents to 10. There was no help for it;
the die was cast and however plentiful
it was out of the question killing wood
chucks for 10 cents a head when they
had been getting 20 cents. So the boys
Httt an nun SHdtioH neelihS anu Tie LII
dians We're foremost in urging the most
approved methods of labor agitation
known to the craft; the other boys gave
hearty assent, and a boycott was voted
on Mr.. Moody which has not been
broken to this day. No student at
Mount Hermon school was to kill any
OF Mr. Moody's woodcucks for 10 cents;
they would see the woodchucks eat up
the foundations OF their clearinghouse
first; they would wait for developments.
The committee waited on Mr. Moody
ana informed him of the action OF the
assembly. Mr.. Moody remained firm
and the woodchucks once more dis
ported themselves on that blue orthodox
mount feeling that there is no man to
make them afraid. -Sprtiagfed { HaSS.)
Republican,
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25
SELF-ENILED ON PACIFIC IS
LANDS,

Many solitary white men live on
little islands in the Pacific ocean.
They are traders IN the employ Of
large commercial houses in Europe
They rarely or never see other white
men, except when vessels come (about
twice Year, to bring them food sup
plies and articles Of barter and take
on the cargoes they have collected.
After getting permission of the native
chiefs to settle, they build a station,
with lamber landed for the purpose,
and then open trade with the natives
bartering their tomahawks, knives, to-
bacco, and other articles for cocoa
nuts. With the assistance of native
labor they open the shells, dry the
nuts, and make of them the prepare
ton known as copra, which is taken
to Europe and there converted into
oil.
A few white men may be found in
some savage groups who went there
as traders a good many years ago, fin
ally adopted native manners and Gus
toms as their own, married an inordi-
nate number of native wives, and are
more lazy and degraded than most of
the aborigines. Mr. Romilly, who
has met a number of them, says their
offspring are generally the most
worthless vagabonds on the islands.
Awhile ago the crew of a vessel which
touched at one of the Admiralty is
lands were greatly surprised to hear
the firing Of gun, Presently white
man, W 30 gave the name of John
Dunn, appeared. He had been on the
island about two months, and is be
lieved to be the only white man who
has ever lived on any of the Admiral
ty islands. He was engaged in an en-
terprise of his own. He had been
driven from the island on which a
vessel landed him by the hostility OF
the natives, and had taken refuge
where he was found. He was fishing
for bechede mer, which is esteemed
by the Chinese as a great culinary de-
licacy, and said he expected to dry
enough to make him rich if the natives
did not Kill him or the vessel forget to
come back and take him away.
Whether John Dunn has safely de
parted from the home of cannibal
friends has not yet been reported
Nelc YORK. Su3t.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25
FREE TI.,DE.

The reduction of internal revenue and
the taking off Of revenue stamps from
Proprietary Medicines, no doubt has
largely benefited the consumers, as well
rs relieving the burden OF home manu-
iacturers. Especially is this the case
with Green's Aug,tst FIoWer and BOS-
chee's German Syrup, as the reduction
Of thirty SIX cents per dozen, has been
added to increase the size of the bottles
containing these remedies, thereby giving
one fifth more medicine in the 75c. size.
The August FlO,0er for Dyspepsia and
Liver Complaint, and the German Syrup
for Cough and Lung troubles, have per
haps, the largest sale of any medicines
in the world. The advantage of increased
size of the bottles will be greatly ap-
preciated by the sick and afflicted, in
every town and village in civilized
countries Sample bottles for 10 cents
remain the same size. Soll
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25
DISCOVERIES OF AMERICA.

How. then. could Columbus help
knowing about the Morse discovery
and where all the records were kept ?
The man with who is known to have
conferred there, Bishop Magnus, of
Skalholt, had previously been abbot
of the monastery of Helgofell, the
place where the oldest documents re
lating to the land Columbus was
SO eager to reach had been kept, and
which also happened, strangely
enough, to have been the very district
whence the Morse voyagers sailed.
Commended to this bishop, as Colum-
bus undoubtedly must have been, and
brought in contact with frank, open
hearted, extremely hospitable people
like the Icelanders, what could pre-
vent the crafty Italian from possess
ing himself of the fullest particulars
concerning the previous voyages of
discovery. The Swedish historian,
Holmberg, calls attention to the fact
that Columbus must have met the
descendants of those who first made
said discovery, and so obtained fresh
intelligence concerning the great land
in the west. The Icelanders have
always been celebrated for having the
best memory of any peoplein the world
even now as related by Samuel Knee
land, an American author, who, in com
pany with Bayard Taylor. Cyrus Field,
Eirikr Magnussen, and other distin-
guished gentlemen, visited Iceland at
the time of her millennial celebration
The common people are well &C
Guainted with their own and other
national histories, ancient and modern;
they know all about the early discov
cry of America by the Mortimer
five centuries before Columbus, while
very few of us, until recently, knew
any more of Iceland than we did Of
the south pole or the wilds of Africa.
Accordingly, it is not to be suppos-
ed that the Icelanders, only $50 years
after the last voyage, had lost interest
to such a degree that the Vinland
voyages had ceased to be the subject
of conversation. Besides, here was a
foreigner from the south entertained
at their social hearth and eager and
curious, as no man had ever been be
fore, to hear all that could possibly be
said about these voyages. How could
those upright folk comprehend his de
sign, the extent of the advantage that
his mercenary mind coveted?
He succeeded beyond his most san
guine hopes; kept his visit to Iceland
profound secret, never divulging it
except in those few guarded words to
his son, and as his part of the reward
for the discovery of the new world
claimed to be admiral of the seas and
countries that he was about to discov-
er, this dignity to be held for life and
to descend to its heirs, to be made
viceroy Of all the continents and is
lands; to have tenth part of the pro
fits of all merchandise, whether
pearls, Jewels or any other things that
might be found, gained, bought, or
exported from the countries that he
was about to discover, etc As for his
adopted country, ''the Spanish sover
eigns,' in Hving's graphic words, in
the midst Of their rejoicings, lost no
time in taking every measure neces-
sary to secure their new acquisitions; p
in short, they applied to the pope
Time.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25

The qualification of the ''sweet
tooth is spreading among fashionable
woman, and more candy is now sold
at retail than was ever known before
Physicians continue to argue that a
glut of bonbons and pastry is not
the best thing in the world for health,
but the ladies young and old, do not
mind the warning much, nor are they
deferred by the prospect of an early
visit to the the dentist, which usually
follows continued candy consumption.
Not only has the manufacture Of
candy increased, but the number of
retail establishments has multiplied
rapidly in the last year. There are
establishments where the finest bon
bons and bonbon packages are i'm
ported from Paris, and there is hard
ly fashionable young ladies' school
without one or two candy shops near
by in any city, where some of the
girls with liberal allowances of pin
money run up bills that are al
most preposterous,
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25

NO, sir" said barber to a suspi-
cious-looking individual, who atfably
remarked as a lather was being laid
on that he supposed there We're good
many men who failed to pay their
shaving scores.
mo, sir; | used to give credit, but
never do now. In fact, no one asks
for tick any more"
''How's that?"
We'll, you see," said the barber,
trying the edge Of his razor on his
thumb-nail. Il had set of stiffs who
used 70 ask me to chalk it down |
got ted of keeping books and I
adopted new system. Whenever [
shaved one Of these old standbys [
put little nick in his nose with q
razor and keep tally in that way.
They got SO they didn't want to run
bills"
There was a tremor in the custom
er's voice as he asked from beneath
the lather: DO you object of being
paid in advance. y
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25

An interesting test of visual power
may be found in the Pleiades, common
" called ''seven stars" Ordinarily
only six stars are visible to the naked
eye, although the telescope shows a
large number of smaller ones in the
group. But nearly thirty years before
the discovery of the telescope Moestlin
mapped eleven stars, and may have OBJ
served fourteen, while Prof W. f. Dem
ming. the well-known English astrono-
mer, claims that he can usually discern
thirteen of the stars with the naked eve,
and on one occasion was able to see the
fourteenth.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25
She Wouldn't be Ruled.

CLARA, | don't think much of that
young Siobkins who keeps coming
around here" said an old gentleman to
his daughter.
Don't you, pa??'
No, l don't. Why, he smokes cigar
cites and drinks soda-water."
Yes, l know it pa"
''And he wears collars that come up
TO his ears, and carries a No. II cane,
and spends his evenings at club"
Yes. so unders, and. By the way, l
have promised Mr.. Slobkins that would
marry him this fall"
.'Wha-a-at?"
Eyes, pa; l have always had my mind
made up that | would never be ruled by
any man" Traveller.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25

WASHINGTON, d. c., Nov 13.-Lieut
Gen. Sheridan has submitted to the
Secretary of War his annual report,
showing the operations of the military
forces during the last year. From the
report it appears that at the date of the
last returns the army of the United
States consisted of 2,102 officers and
23,946 men. The recommendations
heretofore made by Gen. Schofeld
and his predecessor relative to the
concentration at some suitable point
of several light batteries for their bet
ter instruction are renewed, and at
tention is called to the ratification
and armament of our sea coasts lying
along the Atlantic Ocean.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25

DRUNKENNESS, Or liquor habit, can be
can be cured 10y administering DR..
Haines' Golden Specific. 1t can BE-
given in cup of coffee or tea without
the knowlede of the person taking it,
effectiug a speedy and permanent cure,
whether the patient is moderate drinker
or an alcoholic wreck. Thousands of
drunkards have been made temperate
men who have taken the Golden Specific
in their coffee without their knowledge.
and to day believe they quit drinking Of
their own free will No harmful effects
results from its administration. Cures
guaranteed. Send for circular and full
particulars. Address in confidence
GOLDEN SPECIFIC Co., 185 Race ST.,
Cincinnati, Ohio. Oct2S
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25

Fermented liquors Of all kinds were
proved by DIR. Beaumont, IN the course
of his well-known experiments on
Alexis st. Martin, to. be more injurious
to the coatings Of the stomach than
any other article of popular consunp-
ton, and to be, from this very cause,
mainly answerable for the prevalence
of that fell and common malady.
dyspepsia.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25
SGUF FIy's Cream Rain, q

GIVE Ely's Cream Balm trial. This
justly celebrated remedy for the cure OF
catarrh, hay fever, cold in the head. &C.,
can be obtained of any reputable drug
gist. and may be relied upon as a safe
and pleasant remedy for the above COM
plants and will give immediate relief.
1t is not liquid, snuff % powder, has
no offensive odor and can be used at any
time with good results, as thousands car
testify, among them some of the at
taches of this Office. Spirit of the
Times, May %, 1886.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25

~ and reliable Medicines are tEg oeg
- S~ to depend upon Acker's Blood El
iZir has been prescribed for years fer 81 L i'm
puT.Jies oftheBlood. In eyoIyfoImof.ra rof
ulous. Syphilitic or " rcurial diseases it i
invaluable. For Rheumatism, has no { nal.
F. G. Buerstatte or Henry Hinrichs.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25
GOOD RESULTS IN EVERY CASE

d. A. Bradford, wholesale paper dealer
of Chattanooga Tenn, writes. that he
was seriously afflicted with severe cold
that settled on his lungs: had tried
many remedies without benefit. Being
induced to try DR.. Kings New Dis
covery for Consumption, did so and was
entirely cured by use of few bottles.
Since which time he has used it in his
family for all Coughs and Colds With
best results. This is the experience of
thousands whose lives have been saved
by this onderful Discovery. Trial
bottles free at Henry Hinrichs Drug
Store. 5
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25

Mrs. Cleveland's rooms in the
White House are furnished in rose
pink, as the predominating color.
The carpet and Turkish armchair
and couch are upholstered in this
color, and the carpet is soft, thick
moquette to match. The effect is said
to be decidedly esthetic.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25

OF the 100000 working women in
New York The higaesg average earning
is 81 a week. Nj .;bers earn but IS
week. i Cusara- are unable, with
sixteen lo-fs' worA every day, to reach
the lower amount
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-11-25

Professor Virgins is more of a
man than people generally supposed
him to be He now lays the blame Of
his unfortunate earthquake predic-
tons to Mrs Virgins.