The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-12-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

unless he is /low-down politician and
both masters have money.-NeU Or
leans Ptcayune.
WHY does the camel know more
about baseball than the dromedary?
Because he is hump higher. Take
this with your dessert Commercial
Bulletin.
She-Isn't that papa comingP He
How provoking; l was just going to
steal Il kiss. She Gngenuously) He's
awfully nearsighted. Chauley-awfully!
--1td- Bits.
1t is a curious fact that fleas are
hatched from eggs; curious because one
would hardly think that flea could sit
still long enough to lay an egg.-BHr-
lington Free Iress.
It has been remarked that the youth
who wears the tallest collar and carries
the largest stick wears the smallest hat;
but why it is nobody seems to know
Philadelphia Call.
A phrenolosist says that .'fuliness
under the eve denotes language"
When the fullness is caused by another
mans fist it denotes very bad language,
generally -Norrtsto,oa Herald.
She-''And you are really better, pro-
fessor. since you came to live in Hamp-
stcad?" He-"O, yes, a different man
altogether" She-'How pleased all
your friends will ber-7eras Stfttngs.
..If lady is beautiful, NV son." said
a latter-dav Lord Chesterfield. .'never
fail to refer to her beauty" What am
to do when the lady is plain?' Just
the same; stick to the beauty. Boston
Record.
George to CeIeste-Your papa is not
here, dearest? Celeste-No; he is be-
hind time tonight. George
come to my arms. As long as he isn't
behind me, l care not where he is
Washington Critic.
A contemporary says: 1--WE con-
sumed much more pig-lron the first six
months Of this year than during the
corresponding period of last year"
Better move back to the old boarding
housc.-NeW HdUen Neaos.
why. yes," said Blobson. speaking
of a logical conclusion to Mrs. Popin-
jay. and rather allowing his earnestness
20 get the better of MIN. Its perfectly
plain to meas plain as you are."-
burlington Free Press.
Citizen Ito farmer)-How are things
out your way, Mr.. Hayseed? MIR. Hay
seed (gloomily) couldn't be
much wuss. My wife and three cows
are down with pleuro-pneumonia. l
refused hundred dollars apiece for 'em
only last week.-Lye.
Chief of Police-"You want q place
in the detective department." Appli-
cant-"Yes, sir. am willing to under
take Chief of Police-"You can
go. Our bureau is full of undertakers.
/ am looking for detectives who can
overtake. ."-ihiladetphia Call.
Constance (sentimentally. viewing
ruins of an old milD-There is always .
touch OF pathos to ME. Clarence, in in
completeness; that crumbling wall. the
broken wheel, a shattered life
Clarence. gloomily (thinking of last
night)-Or bob-tail hush.-M y San.
Two young women were gazing in q
shop window. Said one, "Isn't it
love of bonnet! I'm tempted to buy
it. even If it is expensive" Said the
other. mo. don't you do it; you are too
excited now. You would be sure to re-
gret it to morrow morning. ~ Y Sun.
Al the office of physician in the Rue
Notre Dame: Patient-'Can you tell
ME when will be sure to find the doc
tor alone?" Servant-"You would do
we'll TO come during his hours of con-
sultation, monsieur, between 2 and 4.
He is always alone then. .''-French
Fun.
Featherstene-Didn't you have good
soht of time at the Vanderslice's, Lite
watep Litewate-Beastly, weally.
Featherstone-That's vewy odd. Why,
they say wine flowed like water all the
evening. Litewatc-Ya-as. that was it.
you know-too much like watah.-
RG,sbfer.
Mrs. De Crashville Ito her husband
who is going to the city)-Don't forget
the florist dear-and Tifany-and
that little package at Arnold's, and
let's see, there was something else-O.
run In on my lawyer, won't you, and
see how the divorce proceedings are
coming on!-ITd- BITS.
Landlord-Your rent has been due
for six weeks Tenant know it.
Landlord you pay it to-daya
Tenant-No. Landlord-Why not?
Tsnant-See here, don't want to be
bothered in this way. Landlord
want my rent. Tenant Indignantly
Sooner than pay that rent I'll move.
-1id-BGs.
George" she murmured fondly, ''do
you believe in supporting monopoly?"
mo, dear. don't. Ibelieve in helping
q monopoly along just as little as l
can. But why do you askP' 20,
don't know, only thought maybe if
you didn't you would have turned down
the gas" George turned.-Neao Haoen
&ers.
Minister Gn grocery store)-I am
pleased to see, Mr.. Sugarsand, that
motto en- the wall, Honesty is the best
policy" 1t will pay you from a busi-
ness point of view, to say nothing of
anything else. Mr.. Sugarsand (hOpe-
fally)-l hope so, sir, but haven't tried
itiloAg enough yet to make a fair test
of it-M. T. Sun.
Bagley-Ah. De Baggs! where art
thou going with the hobby-horse? De
Baggs-'Tis for little Jimmy, my young
est sprout Bagley (sagely)-It's costly
business to have children. De Baggs--
(gloomily)-I should say so. Every
time start out to buy 50-cent toy
meet somebody know and then away
goes a dollar or two for cigars and
beer.-Phiiadelfhhia Call.
Smith-"Say. didn't you tell me that
young Jones was good bookkeeper?'
Fogg-'.Why, yes. 1 believe l did. "
Smith-"Well. he amt; he can't tell an
inventory from flexible roller" Fogg
ALI L know is. that loaned him
about half of my library and he has
never returned them, so l supposed he
was q good bookkeeper. ."-Detroit Free
preSS.
Doctor X. is little hot tempered,
and when he got into a dispute the
other day with an acquaintance in a
street-car and became very insolent the
latter exclaimed: Monsieur, you have
insulted me. and you will receive my
seconds. And you will not have the adj
vantage you do with your patients. for
will not give you the choice Of arms. "
French Fun.
A St. Louis bank cashier says this is
the way. to tell twenty-five from q
twenty cent piece: 'On the quarter the
eagle is looking over its right wing.
and on the twenty-cent piece over the
left wing" The chances are twenty