Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-07-11

Joke. never cnanHe1 II. ~ II , NH INV
bride never minds telling under these cir
cuustanees, but have noticed that she IN
variably gives her age last birthday, and
looks very much annoyed when l inscribe
that of her next birthday. After this it is
conparatively straight sailing. When the
the declaration is at an end l always say
to the bride, Now, Miss Smith, sign your
maiden name for the last time That
makes her so extremely nervous that In
very many instances she spills the ink.
I have made it rule to keep the table on
which these important documents are
signed covered with Oileloth. When 1
/ first entered upon my official duties used
dainty little table covers, which l lmaSln-
ed would appeal to the artistic sense oil the
artistic sense of the brides Perhaps the
delicate work did so appeal, but 1t never
prevented the deluge of ink, which brought
tears of anguish to the eyes OF my wife,
who WAS equally foolish when she was
married herself but declines to own IT.
The witnesses generally enjoy signing their
names. Men and women as rule like to
mt themselves on record everywhere.
They rejoice to be able TO say, We'll, you'll
find nv name there The witnesses are
longer signing their names than are the
bride and bridegroom. They add touches
and put long hOurishes in ecstacies OF cali
graphy. At last when it is over / say, Mr..
SnoOks,
GIVE YOUR FIANCEE YOUR ARM
and walk into the drawing ROOM The
bride giggles, the bridegroom ambles SIN
mildly along, because he imagines every one
Is looking at him. / follow him into the
drawing room.
!, Before the ceremony begins the bride
u w saws, John, tell him TO be as
an, an, Can't he use short ser
yice?' new that WAS Us ue-
sirous of re{umber of IndiClibrary rs she
was to start ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS inune-
ton would never beaaazE Ragisscs s'apge
them in the prescribed~I Rnly l0.-Circuitf
they are blisfully Ignorant. S4oD Tuesday
ness of bride and bridegroom ~ l.-.a /
omenal When saw, Let the lady stand to-
the pentlemen's left, it usually takes them
a eouple of minutes to distinguish between
the right and left, and have literally to
nut them in place. Their movements
seem 10 be impeded, and l don't believe
that six couples out of ten can tell their
right from their left hand five minutes be-
fore they are married. During the eere-
mony they have nothing tn do, so there Is
no trouble. At the end, when | say to the
msn Take your bride he looks very
frequently astonished and rs though he hd
not understand me. Often he SEXES her
hand and remains holding it with the most
energy, apparently waiting Tor
DEVELOPMENTS. have to break the spell
by remarking mildly: That is all, my
Young frinds. You are now man and wife
After the ceremony l ask them to be
seated, and endeavored to lead them into |
At first this was most en-
barrassing for me, but am quite used to
it now. ! generally begin:
"Now. | suppose. Mrs. SnOOks'-
"'Mrs. SnooEs,' she says, how funny it
sounds. Am Mrs Shook, John, dear!-
To her husband.
"'Of course You are, he says tenderly, |
YOU must get accustomed TO the name.
. Excuse me for interrupting you. doc
tor she resumes sweetly, you see didn't |
know my name. You were
THE FIRST To CALL Me MRS. SHOOK.
You We're about to say
'.Now had merely desired to use the
married girls new name, and had said all
| was about to say, but / had some original /
remark ready, about the weather and the /
possibility that there would be more rain
DIT sun next week. So gave utteranee to /
this remark. and then we chatted easily /
for five minutes or so. Soon they lapse |
into silence. | can see that they are 1
anxious to depart, though neither likes to
say so. while the witnesses rarely desire /
change of scene. Sometimes i let them
wax uncomfortable. Then John says:
Well, doctor, suppose you've finished
With u.s.
Yes, say shortly.
John stammers q little something about
being much obliged, and looks at his bride
md the witnesses. The lady is twirling
round her wedding gown, and seems TO en-
oy that occupation immensely. The wit
neSses are looking at my pictures rather
critically. | am convinced that number
IF married couples would remain in my
for two or three hours from
sheer bashtulness, if Ii / did not come to
The rescue. So say delicately and with
inc humOr. as rise: We'll, Mr.. SHOCKS,
{ can ever do anything for you IN
similar capacity again, Ishall be delighted
At which Mrs. SnookS pOuts, and declares
she has not the least intention of leaving
John a widOwer and that sooner than that
he should marry again she would haunt
him. or words to that effect. They depart
after that, and retire to my
library and wonder why | don't feel either
amused OF distressed"
The reverend gentleman was startled by
a knock at his door, TO which he answered:
Come in, Jemima" A portly form pre-
sented itself, and a solemn voice said:
please, sir, couple OF folks is down
stairs wrntin to see you. They says if you
would kindly come down as soon you can,
as they are in a hurry" The doctor /
glanced in the mirror, There was no need \
10 ask whether he was amused or distress
al He looked distressed