The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-01-14
WIT AND WISDOM ,

The process of hiring mistress is conducted by
the nineteenth century cook in the following man
ner. Scene-Madames boudoir. Enter cook.
Madame rises and tmlay oHe sts myT seat oo'A
Cook-Good morning. ma am calieu 10 see II
I'd take the place. How many are yez In the
family?
GooEmMay the Lord look sideways on us!
What a lot to cook foTi WI WHAT "agesY
Cook-Twinty dollar!s Twinty nothing! What
do yer take me for? .....,..a s.o,,,
CosR-Wen, we'll call it thirty and Pll consider
it, ANY children?
Madame-One baby.
Cook-That STILES it. No baby In NINE. I'm
sorry for yer, ma am, but yer won't suit at ALL
If YOU are tired taking the large old-fashioned
gripping pills, try Carriers Little Liver rms ana
take some comfort. A man can't stand every
thing. One pill dose.
father was very much annoyed by the foolisn
QUESTIONS lions Of his little son, and said: Johnny,
yon are great source OF annoyance TO me-
whats the matter, pa? ,,oon,t q
.sYou ask so many foolish queslons "@Sh' y"
big donkey when was OF your age age, s,noeu
7No, pa, but you've groweo heap Since
A WEAK BACK. with weary aching lameness
over tbe bips. is a sign of diseased kidneys Use
the best kidney curative known, which IS Bur
dock Blood Bitters.
new revision of the Bible: In the street cars
in Boston two women were talking rather loudly.
oa AM; Sno Won know that Sarah had had another
lot ri money left her by her Cousins WHIP"
aW mel" exclaimed the other the BlDle
never said truer thing tnan 'thenl tnae mas
gits!"
Try Carriers Little Nerve Pills for any case of
nervousness, sleeplessness, weak stomach inoi-
Uestion. dyspepsia, &C., relief is sure. Ihe only
nerve medicine for the price in market. In vials
at 25 cents.
Alasi if is not till time, with reckless hand, mas
torn ont half the leaves from the Book Oh Truman
Life to light the fires of passion WIN Iroin udy W
dav' that man begins to see that the leaves winch
remain are few in number.-Longtenow'
.syery fast and gives good satisfaction" writes
Fredk stevens Co, druggists OF Bridgeport,
Conn, of their sales of the great Iemedy 1or
rheumatism and neuralgia, Athlophoros, and OF
the appreciation in which it is held by persons
using it,
There is A patient in Scotch infirmary suffering
from painful disease. 1t is sore OF me nanui
brought on by the pressure Of u hes afected
stick against the palm in this case II mas anecseo
the muscles from the fingers to apoVe snS mii i
The surgeons say that stick with nan une l u
stead OF a KNOB OIL MlllCH OAiO pan -S
the thing to carry
SCOTS Emulsion of Pure Cod Liver
oil with HypophosphitesJ0r pulmonary ~
AFFECTIONS and Scrofttlous Diseases. Dr. Ira IA,
LANG. New York, says: 81 am greatly pleased
with your Emulsion Have found it very service
able in scrofulous diseases and Pulmonary atec-
tions."
.Two of the toes of my buried leg overlap each
other and pain me dreadfully," sald q woman IA
Marlboro The leg had been amputaIea a hi
Hurled a month. Her husband, unknown to ms
wife had the leg exhumed and the toes stralgnl--
ened. and she said she knew by the RELIEF that
followed the exact moment 1t was done.
Colgan's Taffy Tolu prevents nausea
Colgan's Tafy Tolu strengthens the TEEN anu
imnarts healthy color to the gums.
A writer in the Eastern Medical journal says
that the medical idea of teaspoonful is one nun
dram This is about the measurement OF tnd d
article as used by our grandmothers But lnis
and the dessert spoon are now mace 50 nIcn t lssa
ger than formerly that they hold nearly emo
Grams and people who measure meolclne ny
them overdose themselves The tablespoon re-
mains as in the old days
SHADES Epcurean Spices are the largest and
hest Cultivated Spices powdered, perfectly pure
~ d,ot and other impurities having been re-