The Irish standard., 1886-08-14
STANDARD" BREVITIES.

STANDARD" BREVITIES.
Full of interest o pawnbroker's
ticket.
Wealth may not bring happiness, but
it forms very good substitute.
What class of women are most apt to
give tone to society? The bellies.
He is first-rate collector who car
n1,on all occasions collect his wits.
Time makes age. and time will come
to man, even if he fails to come to time,
Woman is not much Of philosopher
but she is preyerbially a clothes OBJ
server.
Captain Hem of the Galatea may find
ducks eggs to sit, on after the interna-
tional race.
There is nothing particularly fascinat-
ing about cyclone, and yet one Is apt
TO be carried away with it.
The anarchists wanted an equal di-
vision, and as time is money they are
getting it in the penitentiary.
'sDo you enjoy good health?" asked
Cross stWhy. YES. of course. Who
doesn't replied Ross, tecaely.
Speaking Of drinking, it may be OBJ
served that o. man who :fcan take OF
leave it alone'' generally takes it.
The man who is always looking about
for something to turn UP is apt to find it
when he steps on loose barrel hoop.
In China two people Of the same sur
name are forbidden to intermarry. That
must be hard on the Chinese Smith
family.
1--WE more than hold our own" says
an exchange. The police generally
lock up such fellows on the charge Of
larceny.
An exchange has In article on 'How
to Let People Help Themselves" A
good way is to leave your front door I'M
locked.
Pretty nearly everybody is on strike
nowadays--rying to hit the pestiferous
fly and missing lin nine times cut OF a
possible ten,
All signs OF ripe watermelons fail at
this season. They have q seductive ex-
ternal beauty, but & diabolical disap-
pointment within.
The New York city politicians look
with contempt upon the hide of the
rhinoceros which died ID The Park zoo.
1t is only eight inches thick.
A dealer advertises "Lightning Fruit
Jars.'' They may be new brand, but
for tightening fruit jars there is nothing
more successful than small boy and
solitude.
An exchange heads it's Washington
DISPATCHES "Talk and Work in Con-
gress." The talk fills column and the
work four lines. And it wasn't very
good day for talk, either.
A baby was born in Pennsylvania the
other day that had a fine growth OF
whiskers. We were going to say that
he starts in fine little shaver, but on
second thought we won't.
1t is thought that unless the base ball
season is soon brought to an end The
feeling between Detroit and Chicago
will result in quarantine being estab-
lished between The two cities.
A boarding house mistress has added
another ornament to her wall decora-
lions. It is in the shape of motto
which reads thus: Laugh and grow
fat She wants TO give the mouths of
her boarders something to do.
"Do you think could mould public
opinion?" asked an aspiring young poll
tician of veteran in the profession.
"Perhaps You might, y said the other;
ssone OF the stories you introduced in
your speech seemed g little mouldy."
Father--"Now us you are about to
start in business, let me congratulate
you, for ! wish you success Son
"But what if J. should fail?'' Father
= There is 10 such word as fail Re-
member that assignment is another
word"
enc" said the Vermont man, who was
shot in the head by his friend while they
were out cunning, lost the most Of an ear
and was consid erably scratched; 81 don't
mind the wound SO much. but it breaks
my heart to have my head mistaken by
most intimate friendfor pole-cat.''
She-"John, why do you spend so
much time at the ball games? / hear
Of your being there every time they