The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-01-28
WIT AND HUMOR.


TO accommodate two persons are called
matchmaker by the people of Berlin
who carry them.
1t is no new thing for rabid people to
90 to Paster. Nebuchadnezzar went to
pasture several thousand years ago
Richmond Dispatch.
The most thoughtful man living is
the one who Immediately stopped dying
when reminded that his life-insurance
policy had expired Hotel Gazette.
Customer-.Why, hang it, man!
You're wiping off my plate with your
handkerchief New WAITER That's
an right, I'm going to put it in the wash
next week, anyhow"
The talk of the day: Mrs. Al hear
that the Montmackingtons are going to
spend the winter in Paris" Mrs. B.
Indeed! You surprise me! When were
they ?"-Boston Transcript
Experientia docet: lieutenant Royal
Superbs)-'Not take my check! Why,
hang it! lots of our fellows have stopped
At this hoteln' Hotel-keeper-"Yes, sir,
and they've none of them ever paid!"
London Punch.
Student-"I have been thinking upon
the subject of the alarming prevalence
Of divorces, and / almost believe | have
discovered the cause. Professor Ode
lightedly)-"Yes, yes; what is it?" Stu
dent-"Marriage."
Optician-And how do you find the
glass eye put in for you, sir? Satisfac-
tory, Ihope? Old gent (gleefully)-Sat-
isfactory! 'Po' my life, sir, II frequent
ly can't tell which is the glass one with
out taking it out!-Neo0 York Graphic.
'Papa-''Glad to see you tomorrow
evening. My daughter Alice will sing,
and Beatrice will recite to US new
poem she's composed. We sup at g."
Young man-"Thanks! You're very
Kind. Most happy. I'll be with you at
Sr'
A New York paper makes the start
ling announcement that Adam-old Mr.
Adam Adam-was mugwmp. We
were always under the impression that
Cain was the founder of that party. He
had all the attributes. -MinneapoEi
Tribune.
Some purists object to the use of the
word ''render," as often applied to the
delivery of song by an artist upon the
stage; but we are inclined to think such
use legitimate, inasmuch as we find in
the dictionary secondary meaning to
be ito intiict. "-LOaOeU Citizen.
A little girl, aged 9, called her father
TO her bedside the other evening. PA
pa" said the little diplomat, Il want
10 ask your advice" well, my little
dear, what is it about?" What do you
think it would be best to give me on my
birthdayP"-BufatO Commercial
1--WE bend the knee, but not the al
bow enthusiastically exclaimed an
orator at temperance meeting the 9TH
er evening. That's so,'' said an I'M
reclaimed sinner on a back seat. ITS
the only way you can get your mouth to
the bunghole. National Weekly.
A father was very much annoyed by
the foolish questions of his little son.
Johnny, you are great source of an
noyance to me-" whats the matter,
pap" You ask so many foolish ques-
tons. l wasn't big donkey when l
was of your age" mo, pa, but you've
growed heap since. ''-Iroy Press.
Those whose eyes are nice to discover
typographical errors have no conception
of the mistakes which the painstaking
proOf-reader corrects before they reach
the press. Among the examples of last
week We noticed that on the first proof
them asses" was corrected to ''the mas
ses," and ''intercessory jimjams" to
microscopy prayers. "-Ne10 York In
dependent.
A Taunton woman ordered a costly
floral design from Boston on the occa-
sion of her husband funeral, and be-
fore the exercises We're over the flowers
were removed and returned to Boston,
and the Taunton Gazette says "a liberal
discount was made by the florist"
Well.he ought to have made Il discount,
ought he not? Why should the Gazette
iiickP-B0stOn Herald.
mo, George" she said, pushing her
empty dish away, mo more tonight,
thanks" Just one dish more" plead
ed the generous George. No" she re-
plied, firmly; mo more. Remember,
George, we are to be married shortly,
and it behooves US to practice economy.
Besides, four dishes of ice-cream at this
season of the year are enough"
MIR. Jobbleswizzle came in to supper,
morose and sullen, and when Mrs j.
twitted him on some of his shortcomings
ne snapped out: IF there's anything IN
this world l do like to see it's a FOOL
"Ah, love, she answered tendelly, do
you? My hand-glass is right on nv
dressing-case and you have my permits
sion to use it just as you wish. l do so
love to have my husband enjoy him
self. "-Mercha,at Traueler.
A recent lesson in the Sabbath-School
was on the death of Elisha; and when
one Of the scholars came to the clause,
''Ihey buried him." the teacher asked:
why did they not cremate himP Do
you think there is any encouragement
IN the Bible for cremation?" mo en-
enlargement whatever" was the reply.
They tried it on the three that were
cast into the fiery furnace. and didn't
make it work. "-New Orleans Plea
y,x,ae.
The shifting standards set up by SER
wants afford material for broad CLASH
tication. When such a volume is pre-
pared this fact should be chronicled: A
family wishing to do the sea-coast
cheaply furnished the kitchen with bit
of stove which had four tiny griddles.
The freshly-captured servant-girl stood
still when she came to inspect the stove
and saw four openings only in the top.
A look of disdain crept over her classic
face, and then she said scornfully: Il
never cooks with less than seven holesr'
Boston Record.
Mr.. Spurgeon is said to be thriving
on his vegetarian diet. He is not the
first prophet who has adopted it with
success. Daniel and three of his COM
panions lived on pulse and water, "and
at the end of ten days their countenance
fairer and fatter in flesh than
all the children which did eat the por-
ton of the Kings meat" There has
been some discussion as to what kind of
seed or vegetable is represented by the
term pulse; but, no Bostonian at his