The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1886-02-18
HoFsnsteinIs Goosa.

11OueuStclu Was pdle anu nag
gard when he entered the store and
his eyes were red and swollen as if
he had lost great deal of sleep
Herman noticed the old mans APP
pearance at a glance and knew that
something bad occurred to disturb
him.
"You look, Misder Hoffsnstein, ;"
he said, dixie you don't vas veil last
night. Vat vas de NATTER
81 don't vas sick, Herman" he re-
piled, ssbut haf Won of de loveliest
nights vat a man efer haf, you
know, and it vas all on account of a
goose vat Jake Goldsmith, in Vicks-
burg, sends with EXPRESS and dells
me dat must eat de goose when l
hef de feast after de day uf Yom
Kippur. Vellndat goose don't get
here undil dree days ago, and l
puts him in de yard shust behind
de back uf de house, and l dells my
wife Leah dat We feeds de goose uD
dill he vas so fat as butter and den
We haf big dinner"
"De goose, you know, Herman,
finds dot he vas away from VIcks-
burg, und all yesterday he stands
in dc yard on Won leg, and looks
like he Vos lonesome und wants to
weep because his family vos Offer a
hundred miles away. goes out
ind dake up de goose nit my arms,
und feels dot his breast vos so poor
dot it was sharper than a Ratchet,
ind den l remember dot Nose
Lichenfelder dells me vonce dot ven
he makes a goose fat dot he stuffs
him nit corn meal und water und
soda, all mixed NIT each oder.
dells de colored woman vot cooks to
dell my wife to git de soda and col n
meal und den mix it all up, und l
stuffs de goose SO full dot be don t
veil able to vodde yard around"
"Vell, Herman, 1 stutfs de goose
und den goes to ped, and don t
haf been asleep couple of hours
ven | wakes up and hears dot goose
yelling und waltzing all over de
voodshed und making de worse
noise vot dinks l ever heard. De
goose yells at the top of his voice
md wakes PIP all de dogs for miles
around pnd de ROSTERS, und no Won
can sleep. The people vot vas next
door dey gets up and swears out OF
de winters, und wants to know w de
damnations ] don't go down and
muzzle dot goose und don't be yak
| ing up de whole town, and ! dells
dem dat de goose makes de noise
because he vas homesick und /
don't can make him stop, und den
from all de houses dey trows dings
A~-- in The back yard at de
goose, und 1 gets mad, una i u,..s
dem can vip de man vot trOws tin
tubs and oder dings in my back
yard, und leedle man nit red hair
and head like a bullet, he runs
out on his gallery und says, L bats
you up nit de bolice in de morning
as a public nuisance Dot makes
me SO mad dot swears in German,
und / says, "If you calls me nui-
sance / will de first chance vot l hat
| AhOOA JO4A AOoC 4ZHS Wv
/ does, you hoodluD. You will,
says de red headed man; well if you
comes down nit your front gate
right now, you bow-legged tramp, /
will slump on your stomach nit my
feet undil you thinks you will nefer
eat anoder goose any more Ven
he talks det way Leah don't will let
me go out of the house to vip him,
und stays NIT de bed und don't
can't sleep for de goose crying und
de people swearing. Denext morn
ing l goes down to see the goose
und 1 finds him standing on de
top uf . barrel NIT his wings
hanging down und de yard full
of dem. He vos de weakest goose
vot efer see, and :efery time vat
he tries to stand on Won leg he falls
down and shuts his eyes shust like
he was going to die. l Wonder vot
vas de matter nit de goose, und l
feels his craw and it vss more
empty as an old sock, and den
makes an investigation aud finds
out de cause .of de whole trouble,
you know. Vat you tink vos de
matter NIT de goose, Hermann
81 don't can tink, Misder Hof-
fenstein2"
"Vell, den, I dells you. My wife,
Leah, makes q mistake and gifts de
cook epson salts instead of soda,
und stuffs de goose with it, and
de bird suffers de whole of de night,
and you don't can't blame him for
de noise you know. De goose don't
can't get offer de effects OF de mis-
take und be dies, and 1 gets mad
when dink of it. Leah vas max
ing Won of dem crazy quilts fer de
exposition, und all de time she don't
know hat what she was blinking
about. 1t was shust like a VOC
man." and Hofenstein paced the
floor greatly annoyed at the idea Of
losing his goose.-N. o. Democrat.
In Texas, the colored servant
changes her employer once every
two weeks. "Ame dat your said
Matilda SNOWFALL, meeting Belinda
jackson. sob course hits me?"
"Who am you livin' wild now?" Il
amt livin't wild nobody. Ise mar
ried."
"Isn't my photograph excellent"
said a somewhat spunky wife to her
husband. HWell. nv dear" REPLIED