davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21
What We May See i'm SO,

An end man spring anew joke on a
long suffering community.
A man who doesn't whistle the airs
from the "Nlikado.'
May Anderson playing at 10, 20
and 80 cents.
Bob Ingersoll join the Salvation
Army.
Fewer unlicensed beer saloons.
The Telephone Company reduce
rates.
Young dudes remain In their seats
between the acts.
An honest politician.
A woman who doesn't love to gossip
A mi,knan who never wat ers his
milk.
The letter carrier receive better pay.
An old mud acknowledge her age.
The Grant monument fund assume
respectable proportions.
Miss Cleveland abolish the use of
wine in the White Hou.e and put her
foot down on the smokers
Senator Mcpherson distinguish him
self in the silver discussion.
Satisfied Democratic politicians.
Sunset Cox grow tired Of the COM
pany Of the Sultan and return home.
Roscoe Conklin3 again in politics.
John L. Sullivan the ex champion of
the world.
Roller skating rinks things of the
past.
Ireland governed by her own parlia-
ment
A cigar sold for five cents that won't
pull the smokers teeth out.
Young misses think more of Their
swcethearts than Of their pood,e6,
Every smoker carry his own matches
A law enacted making punnins a
crime.
The mugwumps given a cold should
er by both political parties. -Tren on
Times.
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21
TO LITTLE SONGS.
I'VE DON'T ADVENTIST.

I'VE DON 4 ADVENTIST.
There is q land of bitter tears and wailing,
A land most like that drcar on,. Dante knew,
w here wan faced Fiobc, with dark robes
trailing,
In sad proct ssion moves. brows bound with
1t is a land peoplcd by witlcss mortals-
Compared with them the Virgins five were
wise
And it is writ above its gloomy portals:
I'VE did not think it paid to ADVERTISE
live DO.
There is land that flows with milk and
honey
Not the condensed, nor yet the sorghum
strains
Eacn dwcller bears Il gripsack fat with honey,
Bonds, coupons stocks and various other
gains;
Happy are these as, at high tide, the fishes :;
No tear doth drown the laughter in their
eyes
For better luck they have no sort of wishes :
The cake is theirs-they learned to advertise
Printers Crculw.
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21
The SsDaIIns Dog In the World.

Nearly two hundred different kinds
of dogs! Think of it! And yet this is
not difficult to believe; for, we have
water dogs, and watch dogs, ard sheep
dogs, aud fighting dogs,'and pet doga.
and sledge dogs, and carriage dogs.
thick dogs and slender dogs, long Iegg
ed and short legged dogs; dogs fJr kill.
ing rats, and dogs for killing villa
boars; dogs for use, and dogs for og4a-
men's; dogs to care for u.s. and dogs 70.
us to care for.
Then, there is the little dog-tha toy
dog, as it is called. The smallnes5 to
whicn dog can be reduced is,remark~
able; and if the size Of the very small
est dog had not been officially record
ed, no one could be blamed for doubt~
ing the facts concerning the little ie.
low.
"Tiny,' black and tan terrier, har
the honor Of having been the amel.aa5
full grown dog that ever lived TIc
belonged to Lieutenant Genera! Sir
Archibald Mac!aine of England, and in
honor Of his extreme tininess, is now
carefully preserved under a glass case
Tiny was less than four inches Ions.
and could comfortably curl up and tara
a nap in common glass tumbler. Ar
Ordinary finger ring was large enough
for MS collar; and when he sat up $
baby's hand would almost have mad? .
broad and safe resting place for him.
Of course Tiny was of no accoun.
against u rat. Indeed, a. hearty, self,
respecting mouse would have stood ;:2
ground against the little fellow. E5at
if Tiny had not strength, he did n4r3
courage, and wouId bark as Justify as
his little lungs would let him at tLs
biggest rat that ever liycd-whep ths
rat WAS dead,
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21
Love among the Noun
lainS.
BY AMY RANDOLPH.

A wide farm house porch, on the
slope of srperbly wooded hill, whence
stretched out one of those panoramic
views of purple gIens, bill bathed in
dreamy sunshine, and ribbony glimpscs
of steel blue streams, which give our
American landscapes IN individuality
beyond all others, and two young men
watching tn" evening light creep up
wards; these are our place and persons.
Neither do we intend to pause long
over the desert ptlon, personally spetk
inc, Of Clarence FAirIe and Georg1
Thorpe, save to say that one was tail
and fair, with dark blue eyes heavily
browed, and long brown beard Of
which silky luxuriance he was evident.
" not little proud; the other dark,
handsome, and conpactly moulded,
with perhaps dash Of Oriental blood
in his VEINS. to account for the glitter
ing eyes and olive skin.
Two months today, said Thorpe, the
latter, as Ii" brushed away the gauzy
wings Of an intrusive mosquito.
And it seems like two weeks only,
sighed Fairlie, the tall blonde.
TO you perhaps. Old fellow, you
are fairly ensnared your wings are
limed-your bachelor heart captive I
Mr.. Fairlie smiled.
Go on he said calmly. shall de
ny nothing
And | can't say | blame you, either,
said Thorpe, with sudden accession
of candor. Fer Inez Rivers is certain
ly the prettiest creature in the shape of
feminine that ever saw!
And the truest and most genuine!'
added Farlie enthusiastically. these
women chat we meet in New York
false, hollow and deceptive, playing a
continual part-I tell YOU, man,
would as soon marry the show doll in
a m liners window
You are too inical, Clarence, said
Thorpe Struggling his shoulders, with
the man like gesture that means SO
much. IF girls make up is pretty
as a whole, who shall venture to critl-
else the modus opera7di of her dressing
room. If her figure is exquisite, what
do l care how many pounds Of whale.
bone go to produce the grand result
If her complexion blooms like a rose
what is it to me whether it is caused
by long walks before sunrise, or an
hours application of the cosmetic
brush. If
But Fairlie interrupted him, with a
gesture of disgust:
Thorpe, you are talking like the
constituencies ic,nocast that you are
I will not listen to another word. Let
it suffice that we have found one pure
perfect woman, who Is as real as sht
seepIs
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21
Then and Now.

Measles formerly carried off frc r.
five to ten per cent of the people. l.
the last twenty five years about tv:
per cent of the mortality has bee =:
caused by measles.
In London, from 1872 to 1857, seve :
to ten per cent of the people died {.
smallpox. From 1851 to 1860, on :
per cent in England died from tn
disease.
Commissions destroyed between 10.
and 1857 in London from twenty-seve
to thirty per cent; from l846 to lee,
only three per cent.
Fevers were common and destructi &
in former ines; more than fifty pc
cent of the deaths in London, durir Z
the last quarter Of the seventeenth al
the first half of the eighteenth centurr
were from fevers but from 1851 to lS6.
three per cent.
Teething formerly caused gre
number OF deaths; nov very few.
Consumption was formerly more d.
structive than now. In England >
formerly caused seventeen per cent
the deaths; now from ten to twelve
Some diseases formerly very destructiy"
have disappeared.
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21
There was a man IN our town

There was Il man IN our town
Who was not wondrous wise;
For though he had fresh goods to sci
He would not advertise.
Bat when he saw his rival sell
More goods than ser could he,
He stormcd about his grocery
As mad as mad could be.
He soon found out the other man
Had ads in sheets, betilneS
lie took the hint and did likewise,
And now piles in the dimes.
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21
"A CARD.
DR.. HIRAM BUHRMAN,

physician and surgeon takes pleasure IN an
nouncing to the citizens OF Mcchanicstown
and vicinity that he has located here in the
practice of medicine. For the present he
may he found At
THE GILBERT HOUSE,
until he secures an office or . residence for
himself and family.
He would further add that he has come to
stay and hopes by strict and upright depors-
n,ent 10 merit the confidence and support Of
discerning put'f'e.
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21
Mechanicsown Frederick County, Maryland Thursday JAM q, 1885,
THE TEN CENTS.

Virtue is no doubt it's own reward
However bad fellows may mock it,
But man feels recompense deeper at times
If he had ten cents in his pocket.
Lynn Union.
Virtue may have its own reward,
But the rccompanse felt, VT fear,
Will be swollen eyes and an aching head,
If he spends that ten cents for beer.
-G0rham M0untidnecr.
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21
boarders have gone!'

tue Dlpoiu uFOli Hoi cStoiH oLhoo'ii oi4ooh'
NO; mean clean cleared out. Paid
their bill and gone back to New York,
for good and all, this morning!
lnez was pale er rough now. Gone
back without word of farewell greet
ing to her--wi, hout even the ordinary
civility of a message! What did it all
mean? And she had brought herself
alnost--almost to regard Clarence
Fairlie as a friend whose friendship
should be inelfably dear and precious
to her. She sat looking out upon the
amethyst shadows of the distant hill,
and hearing no word of Mrs. Partl'
mans continual flow of talk.
Deacon Purtman was at the depot
when the two young men. who, having
sent their baggage on, had walked over
the breezy uplands to the little rail-
road station, arrived there.
Nice day, faid the Deacon socially.
Every" responded Thorpe.
'Itll be good day for Miss Rivers
said the Deacon, with a broad smile
upon his kindly. much wrinkled face
She'll be hard at il, I'll 60 bail
Hard at WHAT asked Thorpe; while
Fairlie turned away, with slight
compression of his lips.
Didn't you know said the Squire,
"Paintin'.' Me and my wife was up in
her room the other day to fix the shade
to the left hand win1cr, which had
somehow got a little cranky abont
rolhn' up and down, and there was the
biggest show you ever seed of paints
and brushes and things, and the cutest
little picer of our old well with the
broken curb, and the apple bou5hs a
hangin' over it. If shc'd onl y wait
ed, now, till ia got the new cart done,
| wouIdn' t a felt so cheap. And there's
Il pcter of lot Of daisies, with bird
nest among EN-, and
Fairlie stepped forward breathleStly.
And that was what your wife meant
by Pshaw! what fool have beenl
There's the whistle! cried Thorpe
Come on, old fellow
Stop cried Fairie incoherentl'.-
'Pve-I'vc changed my mind; | shall
not 90. I've forgotten something
| mean have remembered something.
Tomorrow will do just as well-ncxt
Wee k-any time.
Man! cried Thcrpe, 'are you crazyy
'No.r said FairIie rsdian;Iy; but
we'll not take the train this morning
I'll explain everything to you as we
walk back.
He passed his arm through that Of
his friend, and led him away from tie
platf ,rm, at which the train was lust
Stacking its speed, like some breathless,
tremulous monster of legendary lore.
Well said Thorpe, struggling his
shoulders, don't let me ever hear
agun of woman being capricious, whle
there is man extant in this world OF
ours say Clarence, If tins sort OF
thlng goes on mucn longer l s""''
hahd you ever TO 'he trustee OF some
Respectable luntic asylum
DuV OHa'e''ce / a'i l'' s''''1ie'' MS 'u
rosity fully as trey waiNed pacH
agnn through the Glo" anu q"''er Oh
the noohday WOODS ana even 'ne
SNep''''' 1 No' pl '0"''' 'N''' ''' '''''
''"' O." ''7''
i''"" ni'e'' sun '''V '''' "'i Wv" -
''e' '"l NV 'e''''''iS' .''o'hN' "''0 ''>
P'se was never WI '''"' With tt -o''
s'eP sou''oe0 o'i 'i'e iii''Sy s''''n'' "
S'ue 'ler.
MISS i'''eiS
iio" sue ''"a ''e"' "',' NJ" ''' " =
son olooo oVel'io" t" 'iie Sol' e'i''''' "
l0' 0ne'N'' 1'o 4'''''0A VI N0''''> ''''
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21

BALTIC. & G. V. RAILROAD.
Trains leave Edgemont for Wavnesboro,
Chambersburg and Shippensburg daily cx.
cept Sunday at 7,37 and !.4O A. NJ. and 73O
P. II. on sunday 1t "a. m. and-P. NJ.
Trains for Elgemont leave daily Shppens-
burg at $50 A. NJ and .3j and n5 p NJ,
Chambersburg at I 25 A. NJ, 2l0 and ABS
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21

A clergyman in town Oh the HNd-
son river, who sawed wood an hour OF
two diy fer exercise, relinquishe4
that mode of quickening his circ@l,s~
tion and adopted pelestrainism.~,
When asked his reason for the cLar p
he replied : We'll, saving wood Va
we'll enough for while, but aft
some six months experience | fooa"
that the scenery of a woodshed beaa'.
to grow somewhat depressing, anu
hung up the saw and commenced wa.
nL-EXrhanI Ic
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21

A swordsman rarely makes got
roy,ttcian beca7ree he is cn the fence.
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21

IF YOU want to be editare
The thing is easv-jjust buy pair
Or scissors, pencil, and big arm CHI
Then hire a SIX weeks type-stickai
A Novelty press, and there you airs,
A regular bang up iiterataire.
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21

Benevolent Young Man-'Do yo:
need any assistance, my boy?'
Boy-No.'
B. Y. NJ Why are you not batteF
c!o he'd ?
Boy-'D'ye tink want to be
dool :'-Life.
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21

Subscribe for The Cr.iH1oN
Catoctin clarion., 1886-01-21
Pcrlpa.eiir bAchels.

MADAM, your hand sachel is vAlh,
ing away.
Oh, hear, the naughty thing woa''
stay still, and madam grabbed the per.
ipatetic Bug a",l yanked it back 10 p
spot Oh the counter directly in from c:
her After she had gone the saleswoai.
eli said
Her satohel was made of alligator
skin Of kind that seems to retains It's
elasticity, and keep constantly on Il"
nove. have known bags Of that sor, .c
move d foot or two in five minWte-
Qneer, isn't it it?--PAiladclphia Trc@&
New-York tribune., 1886-05-28
4 STRIKING con- TRfST.

This season, as soon rs American manufact- =
urers of worsted and oollen goods had opened
their new stocks and announced the prices they
were astonished to find that imported goods
were offered in the market at prices not only
lower than had before been known, bat as TO
many qualities, particularly of worsted lower
than the prices of corresponding American
goods. Before the trade had fairly dscoveIed
what was going on. sales of foreign goods TO
n very large extent had been made so that no
subsequent reduction In price could recov er the
business that had been anticipated by producers
bat lost. The abe has since been fl lt,
especially in worStcds, and many mills are
Obliged to suspend or curail production. 4
consequence Is that the price of wool has been
very low, and the prospect for this years busi-
ness is anything but encouraging for the
grower. Yet it is Il. this very juncture that a
bill abOlishing all duties on imported wool Is
supported by, ii is claimed, 10 out of 1873
Democratic Representatives.
The most hopeful feature in the business out
look is the remaI kable improvement in the iron
and steel industry. The production of pig
iron is at this time the largest ever known. and
though it seems in excess of present consump-
ton, and there ls some accumulation of stocks.
prices are fairly maintained and producers be.
lieve that the expanding demand for products
of iron and steel will soon clear away any sur
plus The steel rail mills are fully employed at
New-York tribune., 1886-05-28
Aesp2lor!s ailp Griba'la
FOUNDED BY HORACE GREELEY.
FRIDAY. MAY 2S, 1856.
THE NEUS THIS NORNING.

FOREIGv.-Home Rule notifications; Mr. Glad
stone announcing the plans of the Government.
g Mr. Ghamberlan's views. -= Reucent
Lord WOiseley == Spurgeon attacking MI
Gladstone -=- The bill for the expulsion of the
French Princes read In the Cham lcr Of Deputies.
g. town endangered by Mount Etna. GO
The fisheries dispute; Congress for reta!iatlon
CoNGRrss-Botn branches in session. --
Senate: Fulogles on Sena or Miller pronounced.
- House: Debate on the Oleomargarlne bill
continued -= Both houses pass the Shipping
bill with Mr. Frye's amendment unanimously.
- In COMMITTEE: Pan-Eectrc investigation.
DoMrsTlc-Close of the Church Congress in
Cleveland; Baptist anniversaries IN Asbary Park :;
IIesbvt.TIan General Assembly tt Minneapolis.
- Twenty-Five Anarchists indicted IN Chicago.
Max,cl charged with TIE murder of Prel-
Ter. cro~s-cxa uined in st. Louis == Elections
Of the Senior Societies at Yale. GO The
Yale boating trainer dismiss d. == The gauge OF
the Southern railroads to be changed. == Hear
ing before the Governor on the bill to increase the
New-York police force == Governor Foraker
presided al an Irish Home Rule meeting.
CTY AND SUBJ CRBAV.-fx-Aderm Duffy ar
rested for offering ex-Alderman Waite a brlbe
- Testimony against Most. =-- High words at
jerome Park GO Successful trial of the Atlantic
60 The Ncw-JeIsey Prohibition Convention
met. == Mr. Flower made president of the Sub
way Commission GO StIIke on the Battery and
Church street Railroad; Captain" Colum az
rested -= Opening Of the outdoor KIrmess
g. ST. Louis nine beaten BY New-IOrk
BROOKLYN by Cmcnnat. Metropolitan by
Louisville. Commencement of the
University Law School, 60 Aqueduct Commits
sioners inspected the work. - The 9th Regl-
ment paraded. -== Gold value of the legal-tender
silver dollar H12l2 grains. 7G.s1 cents. ==
Stocks more active and generally higher, closing
strong.
1Hr WEATHrR-Indications for to-day: Fair
or partly cloudy. with nearly stationary tempera-
turc preceded by hgat ram In the morning LEM
perature Yesterday highest, Gi0: lowest. 90
average JSloo
New-York tribune., 1886-05-28
TIE SHIPPING BILLS DEFECTS.

There are some features OF the new shipping
bill which is just going to the President thai;
seem to jrstIfy doubt as to the thorough thin X
ing out of the measure. The advance note
system the evils of which were great and
notorious that the pressure of public opinion
compelled its abolition, appears to be in part at
least revived by the third section of the new
bill, which allows sailors to make allotments of
$40 per month for c ach month of the voyage
shipped for to what is called, not at all clearly,
an original creditor" If this provision does
not practically restore the advance note system
it comes very near it, and it can hardly be
doubted that its effect will be TO subject the
sailor to almost precisely the same kind of
pundcrng he suffered under tie old methods
Congress cannot have sufficiently considered
this part of the bill, or so doubtful a provision
would not have been allowed to stand.
Other clauses, changing the compensation of
shipping commissioners and other officers are
apparently not less in need of further elucida-
tion. Collectors inspectors. and shipping COM
missioners who have heretofore been paid by
fees wholly partly, are to turn in reports of
their services and be paid on fee scale out of
the Treasury. There may be new wisdom in
this arrangement, but it is hard to find. If the
fee system is to be abolished, 1t will occur to
most people, the common-se course would be
to substitute the salary system for it. The new
bill. however adopts middle way which
unites the most conspicuous disadvantages of
both the others. I he door is left open for the
fabrication of all manner of claims, the pro-
vision that such services have, in the opinion
of the Secretary of the Treasury, been ncces-
sarily rendered" not furnishing the guarantee
against imposition which it seems to afford.
while on the other hand opportunity is given
by the ambiguity of the statute for the exercise
of prejudice or favoritsm, as the case may De.
In short, the whole of the arrangement appears
to be clumsy, circuitous, and insecure, and it is
difficult to understand how such palpaby loose
and dubious provisions could have passed the
conference committees without question. The
bill has certainly been long enough in the hands
o! Congress TO have had all its defects removed,
but 1T looks now ls if it would become law in
quite an unsatisfactory condition. Perhaps
there is yet time for amendment.
New-York tribune., 1886-05-28

prices fully 30 per cent higher than were real
lied n wear ago. How many people nndcrstano
why there is this Improvement Al me open
ing of the session of Congress. this industry was
threatened by Democratic tariff agltafOrs Mr
MorriSon's bill, when first introduced. proposed
n general reduction on iron and ST. duties
especially on steel rails in the production OF
which large part of the output of iron Is now
uscd But producers realized that this threat,
if prolonged during months of debate and un-
certainty, would put an end to hopes OF i'm
provcmcnt in their industry. They knew that
thc dissolution of the foreign association OF
rail makers would soon cause steel rails to he
offered in this market at very low prices
Hence they wisely made a determined effort to
get the proposed changes of duty taken out oi
the bill before it reported. Ihey sue
ceeded by making Congressman understand
that il would be fatal to Democratic members
to countcnancc at this time measure so un-
wise. As soon as the question was settled Tor
that industry by the irova OF all clauses
affecting duties on iron and steel there was
rapid preparation for enlargement IN business.
More furnaces were put into blast at once :;
orders for a great quantity of rails and other
products of iron were booked by Makers and
the Improvement has gone on to this day, not
wthstanding the fact that, as the makers ex-
pcctcd. foreign steel rails are now offered In
this city at price nearly if not quite as low as
the present price of American rails.
II producers and voters cannot learn some
thing from this contrast, it is their own fault.
Some wool rowers and some manufacturers
have allowed Democratic politicians to bcfool
them in times past, have listened to their
promises, and have helped them with their
votes. The politicians not unnaturaNy thlnk
that they can do about what they Please with
men so foolish and so weak, for in the light OF
Democratic conduct for the past thirty years 1t
was weak and foolish to put any trust whatever
in Democratic promises. 1t is plain enough
now that changes made in the tariff on wOol
and woollens by the act of 1888 changes
carried by the votes Of nearly all Democrats
with the aid of n very few Republicans, have
been most harmful to that great industry The
old duties ought to be restored, with even more
careful defence against foreign interference
with home industry. But nothing can be hoped
from this Congress. Producers have but one
remedy, to elect members of a different sort in
districts now represented by Democrats at the
elections this fall.
New-York tribune., 1886-05-28
Pr KSON1L

President McCosh OF Princeton. vigorously repuhiateS
tho idea he IL Scotch phiosophor he Wishes 10
he known the founder ~ AN Amerlcin schoo Oh pm
OsOphy with natural realism ~ its w"tch""tu'
Miss "Franlo" Fosom's Photograph has been
copyri Shted
TIE vile o: Senator Mcpherson has returned to TINS
city for further medical treatment.
Ap ckpocket has stolen Francs ue sarcey's watch-a
tmepirce much valued by Mr. sarccy because 1t was
Rifi from the Late EdmDnl ADOaG, IN inc baMc vi t"o
XIX Steele.
Lord Wolsccy who has been talking OF throwing up
his com mission and Joining the Threatened nsurecton
III Ulster, has part nOr lot with Uistermen. His
branch Of hr wolsoey family has been settle in County
Carlow sincc 1s after BOync Water, II broke away
from the parent stock IN StafOrfshIre.
Mr. George o. Vanderbilt, the young New-Jersey
Senator who broke way from his fellow Democrats and
voted for the impeachment OF tho notorious prison
keeper Lavery is an alumnns OF Pennington Seminary
Writing recently to Dr. Hanlon, president OF that inst
tuon about his action the trial. ho said helle'ed
him guilty. and how an honest man. conlh stann up
aud say not guilty simply be ause this man happehed
to be Democrat wonder what conception OF an oatn
the men who are crcising and carping at me haye Will
admit that 1t IT ale weak the roll was Icing caeh
and saw the two parties ranging themselves for ana
against and Vanderbilt being within one O the enl
would decide the matter way "r tue other Nina nceu
qdick tpOnghts through u with li,nining raIdty
heart BEAT aud throbhed tast i ir ne avn" WE , @
resi- ousibiiv. la already asked my Max 70 guiic
me 10 "A correct conclusion. 90 one sue 81" oo.lS
osracism the other hand the finger o justice point
Ing the path Of duty / resolved follow conscience
and in answer TO my name said Gnilty.
Count Leon To,to's home. Yasnaya POliana has
become refuge for tho homeless poor where they are
clothed Fed and 10 .ded with useful gifts It's master
necessarily repeats that he intends to give All ms
fortune to the poor forsakc his family and friends ana
labor as "a common peasant.