News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-11-11


Society eporter-Splendid mansion,
isn't it
Local Reporter-Bang up. I should
like to own a house like that.
S. RI had the pleasure of dining
there the other night.
L. R.-Indeed! Did the lady send
the servant girl down with the dinner
or bring it down herself 2-Boston Cou-
9ier.
CONSIDERABLE.
Hostetter McGinnis is a male fi1rt
He was taken to task by Gilhooly, who
said, reproachfully:
"You have been courting all four of
those Longcoffin girls all summer, why
don't you marry one of them ~
''Pd do it, Gilhooly, but don't want
to do anything to forfeit the esteem of
the other three. y Zeras SjttiHgs.
THE DOG.
"Y s." said Mr. Hendricks to the
minister, 81 am proud of that dog. Why,
he knows the different days of the
week" Just then the dog began to run
to gun which stood in the corner. then
back to his master. and wag his tail.
''He's made mistake this time, pa"
said young Bobby; che thinks it's Sun
day."-Ha1per's B0zGr.
BACK TO BUSINESS.
Dry Goods Clerk ito young woman
customer)-Ah! l believe l had the
pleasure of meeting you at garden
party at the Grand Union, Saratoga, last
summer.
Young Woman-Will these goods
wash, sir
Clerk-Yes, madam.
REASONABLE DEDUCTION.
First Citizen: 1 knew all along that
Jaehne would not leave Sing Sing.
Second Citizen: Why, it was very
doubtful how did you know2
First Citizen based my opinion on
the fact that Doodle alderman was
never known to leave anything.
Bits.
DIsCoURTEoUs.
Possible Customer: "What are those
funny things on his ankles" asked the
lady of the horseman.
Groom: "Hes an interferer, me lady"
OSS1DlO OuSlOulCl 10 liz 41Om
impolite of him."
A BARGAIN.
Jack displaying his feet)-What do
you think of those shoes; only So. Did
you ever hear of anything so cheap ?
Mrs. Jack-Never How can they
sell so much leather for so little money
Life.
RELIEVED OF THE DOOR.
"Did you hear that Tompkins had
failed ~
"Has he % I know he has been in
bad odor for some time"
'It's all right now, for he hasn't got
cent
NEVER TAKES WATER.
"I think Tompzins would make
good fighter" said Jones to friend,
speaking of an old topper.
"What makes you think so 2"
"Because he never takes water"
ODDS AND ENDS.
Bill Ito friend)-Say, Jack, is your
watch going ? Jack (who has visited
the sign of three balis) No, my friend,
its gone.
can, Brown, don't you want to go on
little yachting excursion with us to-
morrow p "'lhanks, no, old boy; I've
stopped dripking.''
WHEN you run across polite railroad
official you can generally make up your
mind that there is parallel road some
where in the neighborhood.
A SCHOOL Trustee in the town of
Colesvile is trying to hire a teacher at
So per week and wants to charge her
$4 for board. He is willing that she
should do chores to make up the bal
ance.
A COLORADO coroner's jury in San
Francisco has found the climax and
capped it. The members ''sot onto" a
man who was shot in gambling house,
and returned a verdict of death from
lead poisoning.
HERE is the latest hotel paradox: In
looking for your apartment in a hotel
the only thing you can 90 by is the
number of your room; and yet if you go
by the number of your room you will
get into the wrong room.
CoLoRED CAMP MEET NC. = Excited
Sister-"I wish l was June bug"
Parson-" Whaffor Sister SNOWFALL ?"
Sister So l could fly ter de heabenly
mansions" Parson-" Fool niggah,
woodpecker ketch yer befoah you gifts
outen de woods"
LITTLE BUB -"Pop, if there is war
with Mexico can 1 90 for a drummer
boy2" Pop Certainly not, my son.
Why do you ask" Little Bub -"Be-
cause don't see any other way to get
drum before next Christmas. He got
it.
A ST. Louis bank cashier says this is
the way to tell a twenty five from a
twenty cent piece: con the quarter the
eagle is looking over its right wing, and
on the twenty cent piece over the left
wing The chances are twenty-five to
twenty that if that eagle looked him
straight in the eye the cashier would
skip to Canada.