The Irish standard., 1886-09-11
'''STA ND!A1RD" /. BREVITIES.

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The rat catcher's danghter-A kitten.
The due upon the 1ye-A whisky bill.
Can't hold candle to it-Gunpowder.
"a Mere matter Of form-W caring corsets.
Capital exercise Cutting off coupons.
What becomes woman-A little girl.
'sAll is ore," as the successful miner
said.
Bookkeeping in one lesson Stick to
them.
The apothecary is vial and pestle-nt
fellow.
The oldest verse in existence-The
universe.
How to put horse on his mettle :
Shoe him.
Common scents-Onions at board
ing house.
The men of Greece were the light Of
other days.
Fox's martyrs chickens, tur-
keys, geese.
Want to be in the cabinet-Spiritual
istic mediums.
How to acquire short hand-Monkey
round buzz saw.
An old-fashioned board Of investiga-
tion-The shingle.
Trarnps avoid the city of Bath, Me.
The name sends cold shudder over
them.
The crow is not complaining animal.
When it opens it's mouth it is usually
for caws.
'All But'' is the title Of new novel.
The hero is not, as some would infer, q
William goat.
1t must be glorious fun to go courting
i'll Greenland. The nights are three
months long.
ssNoue but the brave deserve the fair,'
and none but the brave can live with
some Of them.
Wanted-A petal from flower of
speech, and few splinters from last
weeks board.
The man who is always looking for
trouble is disappointed if he does not
come to grief.
Love may be blind, but it some way
it generally manages to get on to mans
bank account
How did the bull look when he
emerged from the China shop? A little
the worse for the ware
A South Carolinian has discovered
that snakes can bite in water. The best
place to put snake to keep him from
biting is in whiskey.
Now is the time Of year when the de-
signing mamma goes to the seashore and
wrecks all her daughters chances by her
ill-treatment Of English grammar.
Poverty progresses arithmetically.
When a man meets with reverses, he
advertises his house 't2 let" When he
is utterly ruined he advertises it ~ 4sale.'
A fashion item asserts that sssnow
balls make lovely trimming for tulle
bonnet" It is such q statement as this [
that makes fashionable woman;s hus-
bands blood run cold.''
Rhode Island is overrun with mice.
There are at least fifty OR sixty in the
State, and they are crowding each 9th
er 80 much that the bordering States
are getting out their old traps.
A writer in magazine says tile earth
would be heated more than 100 de-
grees by being stopped. And now some
fool who owns the earth will be silly
enough to try the experiment..
Propounding to boy years old
the old riddle, Ground the house, and
round the house, and peeps in the key
hole," he gave as his immediate solu- ,
tion: "a woman-isn't that it?''
A Georgia man had rib removed the :
other day and is doing well. and the
papers talk as if it was big thing. The
irst man on record was served the same ;
way, and itdid't seem to suffer much Of :
drawback, either.
There is some doubt as to the accuracy
of the story that Connecticut deacon Z
and his family have been pelting a
clergyman with rotten eggs. Connecti- :,
cut deacons have not been suspected Of q
willingly throwing away eggs-even if
they were rotten. Somebody would
have bought them. :
The young ladies Of Ocean Grove are
about introducing new game, called +
t'Kiss me quick and let me co. They G
have frequent rehearsals at which the
rirIs are never late bnt thew are never