Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1886-11-10
AampraHs 4epartment.

WITS OF ANCIENT DAYs.-Sir Nicholas
Bacon being once, in the capacity of judge,
about to pass sentence of death upon cul-
prit, the fellow importuned him to save his
life, alleging, among other things, that he
had the honor of being a relation of his lord
ship. "How do you prove that?" said Sir
Nicholas. "My lord," replied the man,
syour name is Bacon and mine is Hog, and
Hog and Bacon have in all ages been
recokned akin" "That is true," answered
the Judge, "but hog is never bacon till it is
hung, and therefore, until you are hung,
you can be no relative of mine.
George l., while on a journey to Hanover,
stopped at village inn in Holland, and
while the horses were getting ready ordered
two or three eggs to be brought to him, for
which the landlord charged him 200 forms.
"How is this?" said the king; ''eggs must
be very scarce at this place to bring 100
forms apiece" "Pardon me, your majes-
ty," said the host; ''eggs are plenty enough,
but kings are scarce" The king smiled at
the fellows wit and ordered the bill to be
paid.
Lord Norbury, the Irish judge, was once
dining at a table, and corned beef forming
one of the dishes he was asked if he would
have slice. 81 would try il" he said, "if
it were hung" Curran, who was present,
replied: "If you were to try it, judge, it
would be sure to be hung."-Ne,c York Ma'l
and Express.
HE WAS NOT WALKING.-Jabe Mathis,
of the Thirteenth Georgia, was good SOL
dier, but one day when the Confederates
were retreating from the CORY field of Get
tysburg, Jabe threw his musket on the
ground, seated himself by the roadside and
exclaimed with much vehemence:
'I'll be dashed if walk another step! !
I'm broke up! can't do it," and Jabe
was the picture of despair.
"Git up, man." exclaimed his captain
"don't you know the Yankees are following
us? They'll git you sure"
"Can't help it," said Jabe; "I'm done for.
I'll not walk another step?"
The Confederates passed along over the
crest of hill, and lost sight of poor de-
jected Jabe.
Ina moment there was a fresh rattle OF
musketry and a renewed crash of shells.
Suddenly Jabe appeared on the crest of the
hill moving like hurricane and followed
by cloud of dust. AS he dashed past his
captain that officer yelled:
"Hello, Jabe thought you wasn't going
to walk any more?"
''Thunder!" replied Jabe as he hit the
dust with renewed vigor, "you don't call
this walking, do you ?"-Sauanaah Ne,cs.
BADINAGE OF THE M1N1sTERs.-There
was meeting of the preachers of Lynch
burg, Va, and when it was breaking up
DIR. John Harmon could not find his hat.
Turning to the Rev. R. R. Acree, he said:
Zone of your Baptists has my hat"
.'Then,'' said Brother Acree, your hat
has more brains in it than ever BEFORE"
"A few days after that DIR. Harmon was
passing by Brother Acree's yard gate, and
when urged to come in, he said:
~ am on my way to preach"
"You can't PREACH" replied Brother
Acree.
$50 felt for long time," replied DIR.
Harmon; ''but since hearing you the other
day have changed my nd."-Richnond
Reliqious Herald.
CHAIR WANTED--Wife Gust home from
the camp meeting)-We have had such a
glorious meeting to-day. You know what
an invalid Mrs. Benton has been for fifteen
years? Husband-Yes. Wife-Well, If
there ever were saints on earth, she's one of
them. She says that she has sat all through
those long years in her invalid inclining
chair without murmur, and in perfect
peace and contentment. Husband (very
much interested) lis it possible? 1 wish
you would get the name and address of the
man who made that chair.-Nea0 York Sun.
AN EXAMPLE IN ADDITIoN.-"What
are you doing, Reginald?'' asked Regi-
maids wife, as she saw him lay down the
two-year-old and take up the twin babies
who were crying like good ones.
"Only an example in addition, my DEAR"
he responded, wearily.
81 don't understand"
II put down one, and am carrying two,
that's ALL" and he began the midnight
walking-match.-1ld Bits.
ECCLESIASTICAL PERCENTAGE.--"Oh,
Mr.. Smith," said young lady at church
fair, II want your help for moment"
Certainly" replied Mr.. Smith, "what can
I do for you? II have just sold tidy
for SIS that cost fifteen cents, and want
you to tell me what percentage that ISL.
"a transaction of that kind, my dear Miss
B." said Mr.. Smith, who is a lawyer,
gets out of percentage and into larceny."-
The Wasp.
: A SIMPLE PROCEEDING.-Af farmer sent
dollar for lightning potato-bug killer,
which he saw advertised in paper, and re-
ceived by return mail two blocks of wood,
with directions printed on one as follows:
"Take this block, which is No. l, in the
right hand, place the bug on No. 2 and
press them together. Remove the bug and
proceed as before. ."-Hulson Register.
HE Was No SARDINE.-A well-dressed
countryman stopped at the entrance to the
petroleum exchange, to lower Broadway,
and gazed inside with considerable interest.
A broker on the lookout for commissions
said to him cordially; "Are you in oil, sir ?"
'No, mister" said the countryman, NOV
ing away; "I'm no sardine. ."-Hdrper's
Bazar.
HER PA WAS OLDER.-"What pretty
children you have," said the new minister
to the proud mother of three little ones.
"Ah, my little DEAR" said he, as he took
girl of up into his lap, "are you the oldest
of the family?"