The Bossier banner., 1886-07-08
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A FRIEND WANTED.
euggestion of a New Idea for Newspapel
Advertising Columns.

euggestiOn or New Idea Tor Newspapog
Advertising Columns.
We hear of peoples seeking by pub
lie advertisement for suitable partner
in marriage, but who ever heard of any
ones advertising for a friendp Ye'
why notp Every one, it is likely, ha,
in mind some more or less vague idea
of the absolutely perfect comrade.
May he not be supposed to exist some
where, and to be in the habit of read
ing daily newspaper, or monthly
magazine? Go to, let us seek him,
then, by appropriate advertisement.
Something in this wise would 1T run
Wanted, a Friend. The undersigned,
having existed in comparative solitude
long enough to experience pretty
keen desire for ''some one to whom to
say, How sweet is solitude and hav.
ing as yet met no one who exactly sat.
isfies his idea, would beg hereby to an.
nounce his need. The applicant must
be rather old. in order to be fitted to
give advice-a limited amount of it
wisely; and at the same time rather
young. in order to receive it in liberal
quantity and in meek frame
of mind. He must be of medium
height, intellectual, and in the
enjoyment of robust spiritual
health. A written guarantee must be
given of freedom from all contagious
defects of character. He must be a
thoroughly disillusioned and sad
vanced person, and yet be able to SYM
pathize with any little illusions or su.
perstitions of the subscriber. His
heart must be full of love for men in
the abstract. but entirely devoid, as
yet, of affection for any particular one
of them. He should, however, be able
to exhibit satisfactory scars of early
love affairs, and more or less scorched
aspect of spirit from some previous
period of wet-schmerz. Thus he will
be ready to shed furtive tears at any
pathetic fragments of autobiography
the subscriber may mingle in his con-
versation. He will also be expected
to look unutterable things when mis-
own past in general is alluded to, but
never to mention any of it in tiresome
detail His memory must be enriched
with portions of the subscribers writ
ings, which he will quote on frequent
occasions with a happy spontaneity;
and he must hold the unbiased opinion
that his friend is the greatest violin
amateur, marine painter, poet, polo
player and master of English prose
style of our own or any other time. He
must be on similar intimate terms with
several other equally, or almost equally,
important personages, whose private
affairs he will communicate, and whom
he will backbite to the subscriber i'm an
entertaining manner. The applicant
must undertake that, when they dine
together at restaurants, he will never
order the viands, in return for which
concession he will from time to time be
permitted to pay the bill In walking
on public streets, the applicant will
carry his face well turned round and
his ears pricked up toward the SUBJ
scriber, so as to hear him easily with
out forcing him to deviate from the
fixed carriage Of his own head, so nec-
essary to his conception of himself as
masterful and positive character. The
same rule will be adhered to in con-
versing together in the cars, especially
when the subscriber chooses to keep
his own face turned away toward the
window and still to continue speaking
in his ordinary low and dignifed tone
of voice. The applicant must have in
herited or acquired fondness for
hearing manuscriptread, and will never
commit the indiscretion of attempting
to read any of his own. For this and
other good Teasons-N. B.-no person
of the literary class need apply.-At.
ldrstic Monthly.