, 1886-01-24
HE TRIED THE RECIPE.
AN UNSATISFACTORY EXPERIENCE
WITH PASTE AND WALL PAPER.
Bill Nyo's Conspicuous Figure Ms m
Amateur Paper-Hanger-A Dia-
IoEus That Was Not Ro-
-portcd-some Advice.

IL would please me very much, at no
distant day, to issue n small book filled
with choice receipts and directions for
making home happy. / have accumu-
lated an immense assortment of these
things, all OF general use and all excel
lent in their way, because they have been
printed in papers all over the country,
papers that would not be wrong. Some
of these recipes l AVE tried.
l have tried the recipe for paste and di-
r%ections for applying wall paper as pub
lished recently in an agricultural paper
to which / had become very much at
tached. This recipe had all the charnc-
t~eristics Of an ingenious and honest docu-
ment. | cut II out of the paper and filed
IL away where l came very near not find
ing II again. But | was unfortunate
enough to find 1t after n long search.
The scheme was to prepare a flour
paste hat would hold forever and at the
same time make the paper look smooth
and neat TO the casual observer. II con-
sisted Of so many parts flour, so many
parts hot water and 80 many parts COM
mon glue. First, the walls were TO be
sized, however. l took a common tape
measur and sized the walls.
EXPERIMENT. IN LABORATORY.
Then / put a dish pan on the cook
stove, poured in the flour, boiling water
and glue. This rapidly produced a dark
brown mess OF dough, TO which l was
obliged to add more hot water. 1t looked
extremely repulsive TO me, but 1t looked
a good deal better than 1t smelled.
did not have much faith in 1t, but l
thought l would try 1t. / put some Of 1t
on a long strip OF wall paper and got up
on a chair to apply it. In the excitement
Of trying to stick it on the wall as nearly
perpendicular Ms possible, l lost my bal
ance while still holding the paper and
fell In such n manner as 70 wrap four
yards Of bronze paper and common flour
paste around my wife's head, with the
exception of about four feet of the paper
which l applied to an oil painting Of a
Gordon Setter in n gilt frame.
l decline to detail the dialogue which
h took place between my wife and
myself. Whatever claim the public may
have on me, IL has no right TO demand
this. II will continue TO remain sacred.
That Is, not so very sacred of course, II /
remember my exact language at the
time, but sacredly secret from the prying
eyes Of the public.
FRIEN To II RESCUE.
Finally a friend came along who helped
me pick the paper off the dog and sooth
my wife. He said that what this paste
needed was more glue and a quart of
molasses. | added these Ingredients and
constructed n quart OF chemical
molasses, which looked like crude ginger
bread in n molten state.
Then with the aid OF my friend l pro-
ceeded to paper hat room. The paper
would seem to adhere at times and then
1t would refrain from ndhering. This
was annoying, but we succeeded in APP
plying the paper to the walls in n way
that showed we were perfectly sincere
about Ii. We didn't seek to mislead any
body or cover up anything. Amy one
could see where each roll OF paper tried
to be amicable with its neighbor-also
where we had tried the laying on of
hands in applying the paper.
was very tired when l got through,
and | went to bed carly, hoping 10 get
much needed rest. In the morning when
l felt fresh and rested / thought that the
paper would look better to me.
DISCOVERY NEXT MORNING.
That is where l fooled myself. 1t did
not look better to me. 1t looked worse.
All night long l could occasionally hear
something crnck like n Fourth OF July.
| did not know at the time what It was,
but in the morning | discovered. IL
seems that during the night hat paper
had wrinklnd itself up like the skin on
the neck OF n pioneer hen after death. IL
had pulled itself together with so much
zeal that the room was six inches smaller
each way, and the carpet didn't fit.
There is only one way to insure success
In the publication Of recipes. They must
be tried by the editor himself before they
are printed. II you have n good recipe
for paste, you must try 1t before you
printdt. II YOU have a good remedy for
bolts, you must get n botty horse some
where and try the remedy before you
submit it. II you think OF publishing
the antidote for = certain poison, you
should poison some one and try it before
you bamboozle the readers OF your paper.
Bill Nye, In Western Plowfnan.