davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13
MORAL: GIRLS, KEEP HIM RUNNING.

MORAL: GIRLS, KEEP HIM RUNNING.
She-Charles, dear, why don't you
come and sit by me and talk to me as
you used to? You are not bit nice
any more.
He-My dear, do you see that fellow
running to catch that street car? He
is all out of breath, eager and excited,
and yet, when he catches the car he
will sit down perfectly contended and
not have word to say.-Ram6Aer.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13
A DEARTH OF ARIsToCRACY.

Traveller (to clerk in Georgia hoteD
DO you know if Col. Blood is in town
Clerk-No, Sir, he is not.
Traveler-Is Major Barrack?
Clerk-No, Sir, he is away also.
Traveler-H.m; well, do you know
where can find Judge Smith,
Clerk haven't seen the Judge for
week. The fact is the prohibition
movement is sweeping through the town
just now, and there is nobody left but
plain misters.-N. Y Times.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13

s@-A pompous fellow was dining
with a country family, when the lady
of the house desired the servant to take
away the dish containing the fowl, which
word she pronounced fool, as is not un-
common to Scotland. 4 presume,
madam, you mean the fowl said the
prig, in a reproving tone. very we'll,
said the lady, little nettled, 'be it so.
Take away the fowl and let the fool re-
main.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13
A Word to Grumblers.

Don't be a grumbler. Some people
contrive to get hold of the prickly side
of everything, to run against all the
sharp corners and disagreeable things.
Half the strength spent in growing
would often set things right. You may
as we'll make up your mind, to begin
with, that no one ever found the world
quite as he would like it; but you are
to total take your part of the trouble and
bear it bravely. You will be sure to
have burdens laid upon you that belong
to other people, unless you are shiEker
yourself; but don't grumble. If the
work needs doing, and you can do it,
never mind about that other who ought
to have done it and didn't. Those
workers who fill up the gaps and smooth
away the rough spots, and finish up the
Jobs that others leave undone-they are
true peacemakers, and worth a whole
regiment of GROWERS.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13
A LITTLE FELLOW WITH A LONG HEAD.

A LITTLE FELLOW WITH A LONG HEAD.
'What are you waiting for, little boy2'
inquired a kindly old gentleman of
street urchin who was watching each
passer-by intently.
'Waitin' for a long-whiskered gent
smokin' a seegar. Then I'll foller him
an git the stub.
do long-whiskered men smoke better
cigars?'
Nav, but they don't smoke 'em so
short. .'-Ne7V York Times.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13
THE WOODS ARE FULL OF THEM.

Solicitous Friend-That's an awful
cold you've got, my dear boy! Now,
what you want to do is to go right home
and take
Victim-Just jot it down in this book,
please. I've got one hundred and forty
six other recipes already, and I expect
to meet enough friends before night to
bring it up to two hundred.-Puek.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13
nsrsHab;t' is hard to overcome. L

WS9 IIdOIC liUfO 70 " S0t1-S'
you take off the first letter it does not
change "a bit If you take another
you still have 'bit' left. If you take
off another the whole of 'it' remains.
If you take off another it is not It. to-
tally used up. All of which goes to
show that if you wish to be rid of a
'habit' you must throw it off altogether.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13
DOMESTIC INTELLIGENCE.

In Texas the colored servant changes
her employment about once every two
weeks.
'Am dat you2' said Matilda Snow
ball, meeting Belinda Jackson.
sOh course hits me-
'Who am you livin' wild now?'
Il amt livin' wild nobody. Use
married. '-ZSxas Syjtfhngs.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13
TOrtures of q Railroad Train.
Some of the Minor Miseries-The Family
Lunch Basket.
Hattie Tunq GrislcOLd.


Considered as an instrument of tor
ture, the modern railroad train deserves
all that can be said of it. Looked upon
in that light, it is doubtless a big thing.
The adjectives incompatible, match
less, and amazing would apply to it;
especially to those trains whereupon the
burning of soft coal is practiced would
the description be applicable. Among
the minor miseries which beset you after
you have really gotten yourself seated
in this much lauded vehicle is the want
of anything to breathe. A person ac-
customed to the free air of heaven gasps
in the red. hot air, if it be in winter,
and instinctively places his handkerchief
to his nose as the combined smells of
the place strike upon his sensitive nos
trils.
Then the swaying motion, added to
to the lack of oxygen, soon produces a
desperate and deathly feeling which no
other combination of earthly circum-
stances can really induce. 1t is exag-
gerated, however, when your neighbor
opens a lunch basket, as car-neighbors
invariably do, and feeds the six strong
and lusty children seated near you. How
they eat-the wonder will never cease
Eat straight on through the contents of
that uncn-basket without -tiinchlngi
Ham sandwiches are
Like snow falls on a river,
One moment white, then gone forever.
The bones on ancient and respectable
fowls are picked up and flung away, and
greasy doughnuts are sent to their long
home, and still the Unsuitable monsters
eat on.
The repast proper is followed by ap-
piles, candy land pop-corn-ad inhnitum,
ad nauseam-still they are not appeased.
They look hungrier than ever-their jaws
still seem in good condition. You de-
sire to recommend to them a whale or
two as likely to be satisfying, but the
ravenous crew still eat on. You try to
open your window, but of course it is
of the kind that doesn't open. This
fact probably saves you from pneumonia
and an early grave: but it is neverthe
less hard to bear at the time. You turn
your face away and produce your cologne
bottle, while the mother brushes the
crumbs onto the floor and secretes the
bones under the cushion; you groan,
but to no purpose. You are in for TWEEN.
ty-four, or thirtysix, or forty-eighi
hours of this, as the case may be, and
there is no such thing as relenting or
the part of destiny. Nothing but grea
American smash-up can save you.
B@r'You're looking badly Mr.. Ellis
Why not try the hot-water cure2 Di'
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13
asyMrs. Samuelson is the mother-in

pagMrs. Samuelson is the mother-in-
law of Gilhooly. The last time they
met she said, reproachfully: you
haven't been to see me in long time.
Il have been intending to pay you a
visit for some time, but you know the
proverb, The road to perdition is paw
ed with good Intentions replied the
wretch.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13

D@The experience of many life:
sWhat fool I've been' The experience
of many a wife: 'What fool I've
got!'
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13

B@Happiness and unhappiness are
qualities of mind, not of place or posi-
tion.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13

WHAT MAKES A FRENCHMAN SMILE.
They are going down to dinner.
He-'May I sit on your right hand2'
She-'Oh, l think you had better
take chair.
He did.-Par1S NeaUS.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-02-13

B9-'You're looking badly Mr.. Ellis.
Why not try the hot-water cure2 Dio
Lewis says it will cure every complaint
THAT shows how little he knows, then
sBut you haven't tried it. 'Oh, l
haven't eh1 I've been in hot water ever
since I'm married, and amt getting
no better very fast
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-06-05
,:vALUELESS CONTRACTS.
Agreements Between Husband and VIII
In a Court of Law.

Agreements Between Husband and Wife
In a Court of Law.
This much-mooted question has jus,
been considered by the Massachusetts
Supreme Judicial Court, in the case of
Kniel VS.. Egleston, the court holding
that personal contracts between hus-
band and wife are absolutely void, and
the fact that the wife survives the hus-
band will not make. that n good con-
tract which was originally a, nullity-
While by statute the wife may make
contracts in the same manner as if she
were sole, no authority has been. given
BY which husband and wife may make
contracts each with the othera Il Theif.
legal ipcspacityI thus TO contract, re-
mains as at common law. s.At law it
has BEEN fepeateNsH decided lin this
c Commonwealth Says the court. THAT
a promissorynote or any other personal
contract Between The husband and wife
is absolutelH voidouA contrnct Cor pay
ment of money by the husband with the
wife IS a; nhility, and HI" retention 81
the money is nOtia conversion sEfsn
when the wife transferred pfomissory
note;to a third person. which had bees
made to her by her husband; so that
mere disability to sue, arising out of the
marital relation, was removed, such
person could not maintain the action.
In the case at the bar the fact that the
wife survived the husband. would not
make that a good contract which was
originally nullity,n
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-06-05
TRUE PHILOSOPHY.
A Man Worth One Hundred Thousan
Dollars, Carrying Trunks,
The sudden and unexpected acqui


The sudden and unexpected acquisi-
ton of fortune is an event which COM
paratiyely few persons can experience
with calmness and self-posaession.
But few men could keep right on in
their daily course of life under such
circumstances.
A notable exception, however, has
recently been made known in Philadel-
phia. John Carroll, the head-porter at
the Colonnade Hotel in that city, died
a short time ago, leaving, according to
a correspondent of the New York Irib-
une, a fortune of gISl0o, 900. "Fom,
years ago." we are told, the bulk of
this money was given to him by a
wealthy uncle, and since he received it
he has not changed his mode of living
particle. Every morning he re-
ported for duty, and would always
select the heaviest trunks. for his share
of the work" - -. .-.-s -,
This porter was a true philosopher
He knew that no change could give
him more satisfaction than was to be
found in good, honest work. 1t is not
surprising to learn that he WAS well
liked, and could sometimes earn as
much as TWENTY-FIVE dollars day.
Such a nature is so rarely met with
that 1t well deserves to be remembered.
IN y. Ledger. 1sFcT iH,v1iis zal
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-06-05
JOKES OF ANIMALS.
The Sense Of the Ludicrous as Developed
in Dogs, Monkeys and Birds.

The Sense of the Ludicrous as Developed
in Dogs, Monkeys and Birds.
I'm discussing hpnor ih animals, Mr..
". H. Beard declares that mankind is
not alone in possession of n sense OF
the 11dicrous. Cats, dogs, niohKeys
and birds all have occasionally thcip
little jokes, those of the parrot, especi
ally, being quite broadly. facetious,. ana
often of a practical nature. He men,
tions the testimony of gentleman
owning parrot which has been taught
to spell dog The bird is also IN the
habit of confirming the correctness of
his own spelling, by repeating his les
son, thus; "D-o7g, dog; .sbow-wow.
That's right!' -
One day his master heard him indulg-
ing in his exercise, with the letter o
omitted, saying: .'D-g, dog; bow-wow.
That's rigit!is The mistake was So
constantly made, and the. bird watched
his master, SO closely, that the latter
supposed his pet to be actuated by a
mfschiev6us desire of provoking cor
rection. p Turning to the bird, he !. said:
mo, Poll; that Is not right Dog,
dog; that is fightr'- ~ 47s1 i4DN1n
,,"D-g, dog, bow-wow,'' returned the
parrot, and after repeated corrections,
he would say nothing different. s'dN
L Finally he concluded his joke by de.
claring:. .'Well, it's no matter" and
refused to converse further ~ ~
Another parrotlwas one day given a
piece of meat which the cat coveted,
climbing up to his cage in order to
purloin it. The bird offered no resist
ance, but flutter,d about the top of
the cage counterfeiting extreme terror.
: Presently, in her efforts to reach
the meat. the eat turned in such a a
manner that her tail fell between the
bars of the cage. The parrot forgot
his mock fear, and pounced instantly
upon the tempting tail, which he, SO
vigorously pinched in his strong beak
that the cat shrieked with pain Imme-
diately the bird set up ,..'Ha ha !,
ha - in splendid imitation of his mas
ter s laugh, which he had never before
been known to attempt. 1,ass-fa..o,
Going one day into bird-fancier's
shop Mr.. Beard noticed Scarlet
macaw, which, as soon as it found itr
selfthe object of attention, presented its
right claw, waving it up and down and
saying. show dye do ?I' sqaG us5
Politeness would have -counseled a
reply to the bird, but prudence forbade,
and as the gentleman did not respond
in kind, the bird thrust his claw still
farther forth, repeating. in a higher
key :-''How dye do p, - -
HE wants to shake hands with you, =
said the shopman. 81, i,s6t-aao, ~.
Eyes, / know" answered the visitor
'sand that ism t all he wants. q Would
he not bite my finger ?' III ~.
"Well, he might pinch it little, "
said the man. laughing outright. '''''H
The macaw joined, with a cackling
sound. which was evidently his substi-
tute for laughter, and men and bird en-:
joyed the proposed practical joke, like
'.three, jolly fellows of one race -
Pouth's Companion.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-06-05
school AND CHURCH.

LOT tie 675Ta ale graduates who died
in the ten years between 1876 aud 1885.
there were 271 who were past 40 years
of age.
Richmond, Va, may be called .
Baptist city. A recent enumeration
shows 1886 church members in the
entire population of the city. Of these
IL, ASP are Baptists, leaving 1914 for
all the others. Chicago Standard.
DIR. Lyman Beecher oace said to. a
minister with the burden of p cold con-
gregation on him: "Do as the mother
hen does brood OYER -them.~ sit .on
them, warm them up a WHILE, and be-
fore 3 long gyoq will have Qcackkling
enough. - ..,.,.....'..s
A somewhat remarkable case is re-
ported in Bath. Eng. ,Three'lads were
summoned for talking and laughing
during servicein church. They were
fined FL and costs, or, in default, one
months hard labor. One of them,I
who could not pay. was actually sent
to prison. ai 's@ 40
-.'Bromley. you never heard such
an eloquent sermon before, am sure.
There was no tagging of interest. Such
brilliant passages-' eyes. OAR
ringer, admit that. Still slept during
one of the passages "YouA did, eh!
Why, Bromley, what passage was it?''
1.-The passage of the collection basket =
Boston Post -
The trustees of the East Tennessee
Wesleyan University, located at Athens,
Tenn, have changed the name of the
institution to the Grant Memorial Uni
versity. TWAS organized in 1867 by
"Parsonv Brownlow, Horace Maynard
and Rev. J.'P. Spence, and General
Grant made the first cash donation for
it, his well-known signature appearing
at the head of the list. Chicago Sum-
Upon an investigation which pre-
coded the introduction of sewing in
the public schools of a town containing
more than ten thousand inhabitants, it
was founil that only six Of the girls who
crowded tho acknowledgements to- sew.
Many had never scnp a thimble. Fur
Their inquiry discovered that many
mothers of these children did not know
how to sew, but bought ''ready-made''
clothing as they needed it. IN, T.. Trio
u,se. st5--ia ~ >
What wouldn't tho average Chi
cago boy give if his pa would only send
him to the Fort Wrangel training
school in Alaska? The newspaper of
that place says that the boys of the
school last year killed for the use of
the institution one hundred and twen-:
ty-OneI deer, eleven seals, sone bear.
about one hundred and fifty wild geese,
over three hundred ducks. and numer-
Gus grouse, porcupines, marmots and
snipe, and caught all the salmon, hall
but, Goldfish, trout, herring, founders,
crabs and CLAIMS they needed. Chicago
Times s,,..l e.
New regulations have been adopted
at the Brown University which allow q
student to gain honors in any depart
ment. To do this he is required to
obtain permission of the faculty to
study for honors; to take all elective
studies in that department; to pursue
special course of reading under the di-
rection of the professor of the depart
ment; to obtain an average standing in
the department of at least ninety-five
per cent. of the maximum, and to pass
any special examinations which may
be required. Boston Journal.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-06-05
'PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

kerosene oil is going up" says
an exchange. Undoubtedly; so is the
stove, SO is the hired girl.-Ncv Haven
NetOs. ..s..,,,,,, ..r.. .st3sb ice sla'g
There is Joy in Heaven when a
prodigal returns, but s'didn't tell you
SOP" issthe universal cry ON earth when
good man goes wrong Chicago
Ledger.
E..What makes you love meP" asked
a young mother of her little daughter.
Il don't know, mamma" was the re-
ply; ''but fink it is because have
known, you 90 long IN n Telegram.
An author urged the editor to give
favorable notice Of his book saying
that t.it, contained much food for
thought" The low response was:
That may be, but it is wretchedly
cooked. ''-Prairie Farmer.
"A popular clergyman in Boston
delivered q sermon entitled, snake the
world better" But what the Use
while SO many persons want the entire
earth just as It Tsp : Chicago Times. g.
-Professor-.Does my question
not ,arah Z BIT Liant alttle in doubt
howt to ffahie my answer so as to give
you the precise informationfor which
you seem to ask. ~ Y. Sun. :
First Newsboy Essay, Md, why do
they buy 'shoes' for the fire enginesP',
Second Newsboy--''Collys you're an ig-
noramus.i They use EN- to; keep the
hose from wearing out. '-Phiiadeipkid
Call.
1t is said that electricity is now
successfully used in removing freckles
from the face. .i5Ass this lis the age Of
invention, there is no telling how soon
q plan will be discovered" to blow out
corns with gun-powder. "A Exchange.
-'.Isi it possible, Miss, that you do
not know the names of some Of yotirs
best friends?" inquired a gentleman of
lady. Certainly" she replied; II
don't even know what my own will be
in a year nom now, 7-NsYy I,s5epend
ent. ,AU sMN ssEsl tf1SE
: Overheard at the last performance
of '.Lohengrin'' at'the American operal
First lady: 'Lohengrin' is by
Wagner, isn't litP' Second LADY:
yes" First lady: 80, what a clever
man w 0S,hOh iiuot HdNC DccU "
have written such nice music and have
invented the palace-car.--N. Y. Nail.
"A farmer in Connecticut traded
horses one day with a man who had
the reputation of being strictly honest.
but he soon discovered that he had been
badly cheated. The next time the two
met, the farmer said to the other: "Be-
fore you die wish you would will me
your countenance to trade horses
with. ~ arper's Bazaar.
"A German writer. says: "Humor is
the acknowledged pessimism, which
includes within itself the teleogical
evolutionary optimism, which may
cause truly, that is to say, an at once
realisticradical and universal recon-
ciliation to appear as possible We
have often noticed that, but we never
permit any of that sort of stuff to
paralyze our paragraphs If we can help
it.--Noryistow Herald.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-06-05

That ;whatIve been thinkin' abou,
Today, my boy. It's q good many
years ago, but like to think about old
times nowadays. Bein' mate of the
SLAYER was the one thing the skipper
alters regretted. But he got wife by
it, though. San Francisco Alta.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-06-05
ODE TO A NEW INFANT.

Alas, poor little kid,
How young and fresh you arel
You can not chew your quo,
u Nor smoke the vile cigar.
But you can lie in bed,
And below like calf,
.-And wsg your hairless head --'~'--~ '-''---
Until you make US laugh -
And you can howl at night,
And make your poppy bound
From bed I'm costume light,
And tote you round and round.
And you can kick and scream,r q
And have the gripes and collie,
And wake us from our dream
With noises diaboDc.r fcf MQ0
All, tricky juvenile nos ass f1r.'+J
Though joyous now you Be,
with milk and caStOrile, -itil+'A
And pap and catnip tea, vittgeyr.G
The time atlength will como ai6sr =
When you must "up and git" ..-f
And earn your daily crumb.s
BY toll or trade or wit, ..f stFt. -f-lt-t
Just like the rest Of u.s.
7l7If1s!i -Epfraim Mt'90fns, In fttok.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-06-05

How would it work If somebody
should get up a game of progressive
common senseP-C Chicago Journal.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-06-05

- Only some melted snow-1ak0,
Il That on the walk do lie, "a
And threatenet1 no evil '-- -
To any passer-by.
Only a wind all freezing,
That goes by in trice,
And 10! that snow, once melted,
"a II Now changethipto Ice. nj 0atrs
40 UlAE tssyE u VI -
ONLY an idle urchin,
Who chanceth by to pass,
And slideth on it deity
Till it is smooth as glass
Only q thopghtless walker,s IN
whe'looketh not befofey 4 sfff
- That steppethSon IL lightly, -
Then seeth stars galore.
- Only cry or anguish '>s'-
And sputterings oneor two;
And then gush of ctfss words
That makes the air seem blue.
Boston Gdzctte.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-06-05
DIVERSE SIDE OF MARK.

make one dol DIVERSE SIDE OF MARK.
lar.n Dies for these pieces were made and
several specimens struck in silver called
the mark, qtrint and bit. All Of them are
exceedingly rare and. valuable "A mark
sold for $40 in a public sale. in. New
York, and the bit, OF which but one
specimen has been, brought to light, and
which was re Gently bought in a sale of coin in
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-06-05

Scotland DIV w.
+. Of
Boston, is val
uedBat S550.
These patterns
or experimental
coins are histoi
really most in
teres ting, as
tn ely comprise
the earliest eff
forts for the es-
tablishment OF q
GnVprpp m emit
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-06-05

coinage. The foundation OF the new mint
was laid by David Rittenhouse on July 81,
1892, at ten O'Clock a. m. On September
IL, 1892, the mint made the first purchase
OF coming metal, six pounds of old copper
at one shilling threepenceper pound. Three
presses were put up and operated, in the be-
ginning of October. the first pieces coined
being the Martha Washington halt d ines
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-06-05
DOLLAR OF 1904.

Garrett, Of Baltimore. The silver quarters
OF 1928 and 1927 are almost impossible
to find, and unused examples of these dates
would be eagerly bought at $50. The
rarest early American coin, however, is the
gold hah-sagle of 1916. In this year, a'dis-
astrous fire hav wing occurred at the mint, a
number Of dies were moved to Lancaster,
and owing to the confusion incident to
their removal and the hack of proper facii-
ties but few pieces were coined.