The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-09-30
Green There

I saw Graham's wife pricing dress
goods yesterday, and know what's GO
ing to happen. Indeed, i can give you
the programme without a variation.
She will be three days buying the
goods, and as soon as she gets the pat
tern home she'll sit down and weep be-
cause she didn't take one of the 9TH
erS.
After she has braced up she will in
duce Graham to buy her four dollars
worth of fashion magazines, and she
will borrow every fashion plate in the
neighborhood. On top of that she will
ask at least fifty women how she ought
to make it up.
The next step is to find dressmaker
one who is reasonable in her charges
who won't steal the cloth--who has
got taste-who is responsible if she
makes mistake.
About fifty women Will be consulted
as to the dressmaker, and Mrs. Ora
ham will finally make selection. At
ter she has made it she will be sorry
that she didn't take one of the others.
Then come days of anxiety for the
Graham household. A fashion is
selected after many headaches, and
Mrs. Graham is measured. In three
days she is to come and be fitted. The
three days are given her in which to
worry for fear she won't have enough
cloth, or the sleeves will be too short
or too long, or the skirt will be too full
or too scant.
Mrs. Graham has scarcely reached
| home before q messenger calls with a
note. She hasn't got cloth enough by
five yards! She turns snow white.
Graham, who happens to be home,
turns blood red.
Interval of half an hour for fam
lily matinee, during which Graham
brains every dress maker in town with
an ax-helve-in imagination.)
More money-more CLOTH
Mrs. Graham goes down to be fitted,
and is put on the rack for an hour.
This seam is to be taken up and that
one let out, little more fullness here,
not quite so much there. About the
same as sitting for six styles OF photo
graphs and having three teeth pulled.
"Well?" growls Graham.
ooh! it's going to be just too lovely |!
You ought to see what perfect fit J"
The dress is TO be done Wednesday.
a
of tho apprentice girls has been i'll.
Another trip on Thursday. Some of
the trimming had to be changed.
Third trip on Friday. Be done to-
morrow for sure. The madame had to
redrape it, you know!
The parcel comes up Saturday night,
and Mrs. Graham wears a smile once
more, and Graham has half mind to
compliment the dress. He sits down
to smoke, and she rushes up stairs to
try it on.
Interval of fifteen minutes to pre-
pare red and blue powder and imita-
ton thunder.)
(Smothered sounds of sobbing from
up stairs.)
"Hellol Mary! come down and let's
see how you look"
"W-William, come up"
well, now, what is it 2"
"Oh! W-William, but told her to
be sure to give me a comfortable waist,
and here L can't button it to save my
life"
Silent Indignation on the part of
Graham.)
sand the s-sleeves are so tight that
can't raise my a-armsp
Veins on Graham's neck begin to
stand out like broom. handles
And the skirt is shorter behind
than in front! Oh! W-Wiliam, I'm
so disappointed.
(Three grunts, four shouts and forty
seven hard words from Graham, with
such an imitation of a thunderstorm
that neighbors run out of their houses }
The dress goes back Monday. Oh,
yes, it can be altered but the madame
supposed she was making a dress for a
fashionable lady. No fashionable lady
expects to raise her arms or draw a
comfortable breath.
Mrs. Graham goes down Tuesday.
Mrs. Graham goes down Wednes-
day.
Mr. and Mrs. Graham 60 down
Thursday and get the dress.
(Another interval of fifteen minutes
to get out the war club and load the
shotgun
"Well?"
at is all right this time, only it
wrinkles in the back, FUCKERS under
the arms, and there ought to be more
padding on this shoulder. The drap-
cry isn't very tasty, and one side of the
skirt is an inch longer than the other,
but it is all right, my dear. You won't
have to worry over it any more"
Interval of six weeks and then Ora
ham goes through the same mill again,
and the family doctor advises him to
leave the house he is living in for an
other in which there is no sewer gas to
act as slow poison on his wife.-M.
quad.