The Washington critic., 1886-05-11
GENERAL AND CRITICULAR.

GENERAL AND CRIrICULAR.
The report that the President went over
to Mr.. Scotts stock farm to see II there
was dark horse In his neighborhood lacks
corroboration.
"Daniel," remarked the President, con-
templatiyely, as he smoked his morning
cigar and blew the rings out into the
future.
"Yes, SIRE" answered the constant Sec
retary.
"Does your wife have to get up very early
TO go to market?"
"Not very early, sire-for her."
'Does she have to build the fires, Daniel ?"
"Only the kitchen fire, In summer, SIRE"
"Does she cook three meals a day,
DanielN'
'No, sire, only two aud a-half-brcak.
fast, dinner and lunch"
Sand she is quite happy, Daniel"
"Extravagantly so, sire. Why do you
ask ?"
"Because, Daniel, young lady friend of
mine is contemplating matrimony, and hay
ing had no experience in that line myself,
] scarcely know how to advise her. 1t is
for this, Daniel, question you; for Heaven
knows do not desire to have the dear
child bring unhappiness upon herself, II |
can prevent it."
Truly has the poet said: asleep is tired
natures sweet rcsnorer."
1t is now proven that cholera germs are
found in water. This will bring the cork
screw to the front as the great cholera
specific.
Mrs. Parvenu was at a very exclusive af-
fair on Sixteenth street the other evening,
and the hostess was asking about her
daughter, whose health has not been good.
"Oh, said the lady, "Mollie is not i'm
proving as should like to have her. You
see, the doctor told me she ought to try
calisthenics, and I've heen to every drug
store in town, but can't iiud bit anywhere.
sent to New York for some, but hain't
heard from there YETI
In my opinion the attempt of the gentle
man from South Carolina Mr.. Hemphilll
to thrust upon the people of this Common
wealth bill to prohibit book-making and
pool-selllDg in the Deestrlck, while the
members in opposition thereto was out en-
joying Of the highly moral boss races at Ivy
City, was piece of demagroggery unparal-
leled in the annals of demagojism and
should be investigated by an appropriate
committee drawed from the House. Oh,
yes; win little one very hoss backed.
-[Jedge Waxem.
If the Canadian authorities seize an Amer-
can fishing vessel for purchasing bait in
Canadian waters, suppose an American
vessel just takes the bait without leave or
pay, then what? Let 1t be tried just for
luck.
The Goddess Of Liberty and the District
of Columbia are about forming a co-part-
pership for the purpose Of bridge-bullding
on the Potomac.
The condition In which poor BARLEY
Campbell, the brilliant dramatist, finds
himself is the result Of an attempt to run
a theatre in his head and saloon in his
stomach, both under the same management.
"IIolmcs, Sweet, Sweet Holiness" is the
popular air in England at present.
The time when Congressman wishes he
was Senator, or the President, or
street-car driver or anything else most
but a Congressman, is when call Of the
House is made at 2 a. m, and the deputies
are sent out to scour the town and bring in
the absentees.
Congress dover house, is running
against time now. Betting II to on
Congress.
A weary, dusty, travel-stained man came
into the Office this morning and spoke TO
the cashier.
81 have had no breakfast this morning,
sir, he said, In an honest, straightforward,
cultivated manner "and il you could give
me a quarter would be under lasting OBJ
legations"
"You don't look like common beggar,"
kindly replied the cashier, "and guess I'll
| 60 you one"
"You are correct in your concluslons,n
said the applicant, "and yet | am only one OF
many similar sufferers in this city to-day"
'lndeed," responded the cashier; "may
ask the cause Of your troublesg"
"Certainly, sir; / bet on the fayorlte at
Ivy City yesterday, and you see in me now
moral and financial ruin. Give me the
quarter, please, and leave me alone with
my sorrow"
The cashier wiped a tear from his eye;
he had been at Ivy City In former years,