Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1886-11-29
HIS OCCUPATION GONE
"w A. T." SIGNS OVER SQUIRE NAYS DE-
PARTED GREATNESS.
Brace Of Romantic Weddings, Which Produced an
AstOnishingly Complicated Result
The Time Ct Day.

"W A. 1.-THE well known correspond
emf of the Cincinnati Enquirer, passeo
through this city last week, and he con-
snmes A column and half Of space IN
Yesterdays issue of his paper in relating
his experiences. The chief burden OF his
song is an amusing account of his efforts to
find ont the time of day while here, the
Eastern and Central standard and city time
making ND a fearful complication. he
says: .,.,., .h, ON
s,rar twenty questions about the time TO
where they answer one on any other SUD
;ect have endeavored to explain to me
tbaf il is ON account of the meridian which
masses through this vicinity, and That II
Won hunt the meridian down anu locate
clock ON the east side of 1t pointing, say 10
10 n. M, and want to locate another clock
inst a quarter of an inch west OF the line,
Won must set it at 9 n. M; whereas
i Won want to know just what time
in the morning it really Is, you
must place third clock, marking
nine o'clock twcnty-three miG-
utes and thirty-tiye seconds ante
meridian, 1t is impossible, therefore, To
know the time with less than three
watches unless YOU want TO enter into
long and complicated mathematical calcu-
lation. In view of this peculiar condition
of things il strikes me that this ought TO
be a free zone for burglars. For one to
have ten or fifteen watches in his posses
sion ought not to excite Suspicion. FOR
even with that many watches the chances
are that he will miss every train Tor
week unless he brides the hotel porter to
take him to the depot at the right moment. "
Mr.. TAYLOR passed through West Alex
andria on his way to this city, and he IN
dulges in some pleasant recollectons oil
that famous Mecca for the lovers OF three
States:
AS was coming over from Pittsburgh
the train halted mt West Alexander, Penn,
and asked Sam Hazlett, the Apollo
Belvedere of the Washington County Bar,
what had become old Squire Joseph +.
MAYS and was told that he was still liv-
ing and grinding out eyen-handed justice
to all corners.
"For more than q third ola century now
Joseph +. Mays has held in his left hand
the balances of the law, while iii his right
hand flashed the naked blade of justice,
and every five years an admiring constltu-
ency gave him new lease of power. West
Alexander is little hamlet of 400 popu-
lation standing back from the National
Road and some fifteen or twenty miles
east of Wheeling, just beyond the lire
of the Pan Handle. Here ii was, III years
gone by, that all the runaway couples
from Central and Eastern Ohio ended their
pilrrimaues. This WAS the Mecca of the
matrimonial inclined, and Mays was the
flesh-and-bloOd prophet who blessed them
and pocketed the fees. Then there WAS
no license laws in Pennsylvania, ana oc-
torcn lrians married misses in plnaioreS
and pantalettes, and grandmothers were
welded to tow-hcaded urchins, by squire
MAYS, who was always blind when palpi-
tating love iluttered in nj the door.
"His Hymeneal register bears the names
and addresses of 3,I33 levanting couples
whom he Joined for better or for worse.
The most of them lived, or are living, hap
PLY together, but, perhaps no living man
on the Continent married so many incon-
gruouS and ill-assortcd couples as squire
Mrys. From this matrimonial register
not only volume, but good sized library
of romanccs could be written.
''Some twenty ycrrs ago, Just "a roSeate
dawn had tinged the clouds in yonder
East, Squire Mays was wakcncd by loud
Knocking on his door. Hastily jumping
into his home-Spun, he unbarred the por-
tails and admitted his early callers. One
was n stOOp-shOuldered man, whose HAIR
was whitened with the SHOWS of five and
fifty winters The other shy young las
sic more than forty years his junior, whose
abbreviated skirts were but one remove
beyond early girlhOod.
The sight did not surprise Squire Mays.
He was used to late and early arrivals,
and no couple was sOqucer ar so quaint ~
to un-nervc him. He knew what waS re-
dured at his hands without being told.
He opened his register and entered the
names of the candidates, and then picking
up the Bible, Oh which oaths were admin
istered in the Pennsylvania style, he pro-
cecdcd to marry them. They kissed the
Book, and December and very early May
were one. Mrs. Mays in the mean
time had put on the skillet and prepared
the wedding breakfast, which was eaten,
and the happy pair, departing by another
road, turned their faces To Ohio.
Just rs the clock was on the stroke of
nine another couple arriyed-a callOw boy
of fifteen or sixteen and woman who was
neither fat nor fair, but who had passed
the forticth milestone of life's Journey.
And they, too, were we'd, ~ Tennyson
wonld say There was a remarkable COIN
cidence in the names of the two couples
Both grOOms were John AllertOns, and
both brides were Mary Browns. II didn't
take Squire Mays wOminutcs to discover
that he had made the fifteen-year-Old
John Allerton the father-in-law of his
tfty-fve- year-old father, and that Mary
Brown was her own daughters daughter
in-law.
''Old widower Allerton had run of with
the widow Browns only daughter, and
the widow Brown saw him by running off
with and marrying the wdOwcr's only
son. When they all got home the huge
ness of the joke restored peace and harmO
ny. In n few years both the old folks
died, and young John and young Mary
concluded not to separate the children or
divide the property, so they got in buggy,
making pretense of running off," and
drove over to West Alexander where
Squire Mays married them There is
big and happy family Of Allertons now,
but all the lawyers in Philadelphia
couldn't tell what relation some of the
children are to each other.
"A year or two ago Pennsylvania adopted
a strict license law, and Squire Mays
occupation is gone His Gretna Green is
dilapidated and dismantled Sic transit
gloria matrimOnir
DIED.
HISE-On Sunday at - minutes to 9 O'Clock