davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10
SMILES.

A SMILE is another relish from the
plum-pudding of our existence.
MuMps alone are a sufficient apology
for not smiling. I know of no other.
GIVE it an equal chance and the smil-
ing face in this world will beat q bob
tailed flush.
A SMILE is the advance agent of the
angels. That is the smile that cheers,
barring the two-for-a-Guarter smile.
IT'S said that those who play the ac-
Gordon "never smile" The Lord
knows l cannot be hard pom the play
ers' neighbors for a similar breach Of
good humor.
THERE are women who do not smile,
but they were blighted in youthful af-
fections, and have since got mixed up
with the wrong end of the procession
and become widowed.
A LONG face and a Goldfish mouth are
not indicatiods Of piety, and l don't be-
lieve that any person can prove that
they are--certainly not with an affidavit
properly signed by the Creator.
SMILES are said to date from Eden
tatNbs NIleu <AChiu Sui1lel DcCHuSc Eve
stubbed her toe (~iguratively speaking),
resulting in her dismissal from the
garden, but because Adam had to &C,
too, is really where the laugh comes in.
IT is said to be on record that a GER
tain man who smiled or spoke a
kind word to humanity couldn't be in
TERED at the advertised time after death,
because not a sufficient number of men
could be secured for pall-bearers until
a search warrant had been secured.
Although H. w. Beecher, myself, and
several other t~heologians have labored
assiduously to discover the place of re-
cord of his assertion, we are still as
much in the dark concerning the matter
as our Brother Moses was after his
light went out. Henry, however, says
that although we cannot prove the re-
port to be true, yet he believes it is, and
certainly hopes that it is. -Latagan, in
ChicdqO Ledger.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10
Sound Logic.

A rather shiftless sort OF q fellow, who
hangs around the saloons Of a Texas
town. was asked:
"Why don't you marry and settle
DOWN."
well, I've got my reasons for it.
The woman l want to marry must have
lots Of money, and be smart, but when
/ find a woman who has money, and
who is willing to marry me, her willing
ness to marry me is positive proof to my
mind that she il stupid. and then. OF
course, she don't suit me. I want q
smart woman for a wife Yesras Sift.
mas.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

The London Lancet finds something
to say in favor Of permitting children
to go bare-footed, viz: they take cold
less often, and are healthier and hap
pier. In Bermuda we once saw a fam
lily of children that wouldn't wear
hats, and the parents claimed they
were. after all, better without them.
We may yet discover that the wearing
of clothing On the head, feet or body is
all a mistake. This is a great age of
discOvery.-Dr. Foote'S Health Monthly.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10
A Fly Traveller.

"Boss. what's de fare 6ber dis var
railroadg" inquired an aggressive-look-
ing colored man at an out-of-the-way
station.
Fare to what point?"
''Jess see heah, boss, yer got all yer
kin tend to widdout pesterin' de
spectacle portion OBJ de trabbling CON-
munity an bryin' inter der private af-
fairs. Yer KANT play no pump-sucker
game on dis chile. Use too flip a Mig
gah for any such Tom-foolish monkey
wuk as dat ar."-Drake's Magazine.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

When you visit or leave New York City, save
baggage, expressage, and % carriage hire, and
stop at the Grand Union Hotel, opposite
Grand Central Depot
o1S rooms, fitted mp at q cot Of ono million
dpltarA u and upwards Per day. European
plan. Elevator. Restaurant supplied with the
baok Horse cars, Atages, and elevated rail-
road to I'll depots. Families can live better for
less money 81 tho Graad Union Hotel than q
~ Other 0Est-olAss hosel N The city.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10
WHY She SO Wished,

II wish l were yon STAR" he said,
dreamily.
$50 do L." she returned promptly,
heroically swallowing a yawn.
And why, dear one" lie asked inn
pulsively, why do you wish | were
yon brilliant orb?"
Because" she replied, in cold, mat
ter-of-fact B~ostonian tones, because
yon brilliant orb is just IL, 760,9 7l
miles away" And he faded silently
out. like a mist before a summer sun.
PHILADELPHIA Call.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10
His Foot In 1t.

Henderson who has just been intro
ducedl-Delighted to meet you. I'm
sure. My friend Jones often speaks
of you. 1t was only the other day
that he said: Mrs. Louisburg is such
a fine motherly lady!"
Miss Louisburg with a faint smile
of annoyance ON her smiling facel-
How droll! Your friend Mr.. Jones was
probably speaking Of my mother. l am
Miss, not Mrs. Louisburg.
Henderson (much agitatedl-Oh, l
beg your pardon! but, really. is it pos
sible that you have q mother living?
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10
A WOman'S Age.

A woman, it is said, is no older than she
looks. Many women, however, look double
their actual age by reason of those functional
disorders which wear upon the nerves and vi
tslity, and which, if unchecked, are liable to
change the most robust woman to q weak,
broken-down invalid. DIR. Pierce's sFayorite
Prescription will positively cure every irregu.
larity and weakness peculiar to the sex, and
requires but a single trial to prove its sur
passing merit. Price reduced to one dollar.
Rv druggists
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

The Nineteenth Century Club is an organ
ization that will consist of an equal number Of
that they viii agree ON all subjects; but it can
surprise no one to learn that DR.. Pierce's
sGolden Medical Discovery is unanimously
pronounced the most successful remedy ex-
tant, for pulmonary consumption, AZ has been
demonstrated in hundreds of cases; it posi-
lively arrests this disease and restores health
and strength, if administered in its early
stages. BY druggists.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10
pITH AND POINT.

ArcrtoSEvps have a nod way of re-
~ce;y;ny Ig;ls.
AZ am malv-gaked dog il sometimes
!, Indian meal.
rn w;4, ~. asso5.-tbe man
~ Ia do,r, h;s Lord ~ no,.ar ST
pn,,J I'LL
- proper " Spe"h ''"a -
amlgrants coming from Cork as u con-
.i1nmant of Cork solos.
CIuCKEN-PoX Is o fowl disease, III
,,nolI-,oy ;e tba ,ars.o-larJ. and tl,a
P M
niln tliat asltiSl 10 pe Iitteu.- .
S4g.
TEAcuER-"Who was it that first said,
| Property i, robbery?'" Boy-"I don't
know. / uppos it was some fellow
who didn't have any."-Teras Siffipgs.
Br thankful for what Won have
D~emorr;f,,s Re- thankful for what
Won b~aven't--a toothacha. for instance.
| Their. Is ALWAYS some cause for being
Standardization Courier.
aTse ~eva,;ng etar ia tramhl;np on
the h;l,-ton-o walls an eastern poe..
Wa iuJg. Nv This that the evening star
ia married and isn't able TO get his wife
a new bonnet.~-Ne,rman Independent.
A pp,xrrp who has eanobt with his
arms around the waist Of q vonno LADY
,om,os;tor avcnsad himself nv saving
tha. he was onlv reaching her the nrin.
chile Of parenthesis marks.-BufaIo
World.
.wuy ia the lid of this tureen."
Qao'h Fred, a, wit; maturity.
II eo, aai ~ froa o lbs
you give i. mp Because you see.
.T 5esl III > : va,, a,s cann n9 ~ re ! ma
Is quito . grsa. dish-coversr.
-ioaSe's e"ss"s'
WHEN r was brought to q mother
that her son Henry had been killed out
west, she said: Il don't believe 1t, for
L Just got a letter from Henry the other
day and he didn't say a word about 1t.
-he'c"u"e If"oot'.
A CHICAGO boy has been found whose
SL;n ia "a a1ost;r 40 I,d;a ruhhar II
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

ScoyILL's SARsAPARILLA, or Blood and Liver Syr-
up, will cure Scrofulous faint. Rheumatism. Whits
Swelling. Gout, Go.tre. Consumption Bronchitis.
Nervous Debility, Malaria, and all diseases arising
from an impure condition of the blood. Certificates
can be presented from many leading physicians. min
listers and heads of families throughout the land. en-
dorstng it I'm the highest terms. We are constantly in
receipt Of certificates OF cures from the most reliable
sources. and We II as the best known rem
edy for the cure Of the above diseases.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

aSoME one has Invented o theater
hat that shuts up, to be worn by the
ladies.n That's all right. Now let
some one invent something that will
hold q young man in his seat between
the acts, and two n~uisances will be
ahafad.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

For thirty years DR.. c. Fawcett has BEEN
physician Of the Union Protestant Infrmary,
Baltimore, Nd, and his published opinion
is that he has used Red Star Cough Cure
most effectively in curing obstinate coughs
and in treating consumption. Price, Is cents.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10
Free to Minister'S, Lawyers, DoCters,
and Teach0rG

II yen viii got your dealer TO order from
his wholesale druggist one dozen bottles
WARMERS WHITE WINE OF TAR SYRUP
the best remedy in the rorh for Coughs,
Colds, Asthma, Catarrh, and Consunsp-
ton, / will send two bottles free. Recon-
mend to your friends. Send name OF
druggist who gives the order. Map OF Holy
Land free with medicine. Address DR.. G.
d. WARNER. Chicago, Ill. All druggists.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

A lady living on Park Avenue has .
very precocious 3-year-old boy. The
other morning he was brought out to be
paraded before . visitor.
won't you come and kiss me?"
sweetly asked the visitor.
No, indeed! Papa SAYS you Hlweys
|smeu Of onions. "-Mnuerjck,
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10
The Man in the Moon.

How does the sailor know there is . mar IN
the moons Because he has been to see tsea),
and states that whenever he has o cough or
cold he takes Taylor's Cherokee Remedy OF
Sweet Gum and Mullen.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

PLAIN QUESTIONS FOR ISvALIDs. Have the
routine medicines Of the profession done you
no good? Are You discouraged and miserables
Ii ~, test the properties of the great Vegetable
Spec. tic, DR.. Walkers CALIFORNIA VINEGAR
BITTERs, the finest invigorant, corrective and
Alternative that has ever seen the light, aud
YOU will find relief.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

II LOOK for the moon in the sky"
sings a rural poet. That's proper,
young man. People would think you
were a fool if they caught you looking
for the moon in q haymow.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

Aliu WllCi otk ydShSA HILL W. TAX n"tAS v.
-!
--MiddIe5oro Nescs.
THE vAssAR GIRLS DRILL.
Hark the soundi It's the bugle's blare
AMI tie roll Of the mastering drum;
Now hear the cail, Attention., there.
II move your chewing gum.
Forward march! come girls. no FRANKS;
Keep step there, il you please.
Be still! no talking in the ranks
Right shoulder shift -ehelnisa!'
boston CouItSr.
II DON'T believe more than half he
says" what do you mean by that ?"
Didn't you hear him say just now that
he could drink or leave it alone?"
yes" well, / know he can drink
everybody knows that-but / don't be-
lieve he can let it alone hanged if !
dc. "-Chicago Ledger.
A NEWS item says: More mel die
in their beds than on railroad trains. "
But don't let this wary YOU. Don't
forsakc your bed for q railroad train.
More people go to bed than on railroad
trains. And. coine to think about it,
more people die under railroad trains
than on them.-Ndristocn Herald.
In a recent book of travelling expert
ences Colonel Johnson makesa Georgia
man, who is crossing the ocean for the
first time, tell what sort Of things he
imagined he had in his stomach when
sea sickness came on. Here they are
"Toad frogs! Tadpoles! Pea vines
Old rotten fodder blades! Brass
knobs! The reason | knew they were
brass was. l smelt 'em. Watermelon
rinds! Grub worms! Dish water
Scaly back lizards! Vinegar a thou
sand years old! Stumps of mean
CIGARS! Old ROSTERS that died OF
cholera! And, what you northern
people know mighty little about, little
niggers all creased up with pot liquor
-BTookfUR Times.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

Hon. James Harlan, ex-Vice- Chancellor,
Louisville, KY, says he uses st. Jacobs Oil,
that it is a most extraordinary and absolute
cure for rheumatism. and kindred ailments.
and that every family should have it.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

l nnu AtnIophoros just what you claim
for it. 1t has real merit and is a medicine
whose merit | have proved. l cheerfully
recommend it to my customers for rheu-
matism and neuralgia. j. D. Fowler,
druggist, OF Lansing, 10.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

Young or middle-aged men, suffering from
nervous debility or kindred affections, should
address with 10 cents in stamps for large
Alton. 663 lain Street, Buffalo. N. Y.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

THE Japanese have a high respect
for cats when they are dead. So have
most Americans.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

THE U. s. Government are nsing large
nuni ers Of The Improved Howe Scales.
Borden, Selleck h Co, Agents. Chicago, Ill.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

SAsKATCHEwAN FIFE WHEAT. In car lots.
Genuine. Send for samples and price list. WI.
Abernethy, sole originator, Minneapolis, MINI.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

JoHN RrssELi. youXa SAYS that Bis
marck and Ben Butler look alike.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

We cannot renew youth, but we can prevent
gray hair by using Halls Hair Remover.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10
The Secret Of Living.

BRONCHITIS is cured by frequent small
doses OF Fiso's Cure for Consumption.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

AYERS Pills arc o never-failiug remedy for
headaches, caused by a disordere0 stomach.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-10

-Four little scratches, but Ohi so sore,
And when you touched him how he swora.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-03-16
The Telephone Quarrel at Evansville.
IL - In ILL.,. liz L.,

The Telephone Quarrel at Evansville.
Special to the Indianapolis Journal.
EVANSVILLE, March 15.-The Bell Telephone
Company having given notice of its intended
withdrawal from the city, and having refused to
make any new contracts or renew those expiring;
and also having already shut down the night
service, resolution was introduced In the City
Council tonight, and unanimously adopted. that
Whereas The Evansville telephone exchange. so
called has heretofore been granted the right to erect
places within the city of Evansville poles wires and
other appliances under certain restrictions and ord
nances concerning the same and
Whereas The raid exchange has violated the ordi
and laws of said city in the of erection
and maintenance of it's said poles, wires, ETC.; and
Whereas, The said exchange mas given notice to
certain of the citizens who using the telephones
of said exchange that said exchange viii discontinue
its service to them upon expiration Of their present
contracts with it; and
Whereas Said telephone exchange is common
carrier and refuses to continue service to citizens of
SAID city upon payment of legal rates established by
law; now. therefore,
Resolved. by this Council That upon failure or
refusal OF said exchange to furnish said service to the
said city its citizens provided for under the
laws nowin force that the right of way heretofore
granted to said Evansville telephone exchange and
its upon the streets lanes alleys and public
ways OF said city be revoked and that the city attor
ney be and he is hereby directed to prepare ord
nance repeating all rights and privileges to said
exchange and that the poles, wires and other appli
ances be removed within thirty days from the passage
OF the said ordinance and any ordinance giving said
company any rights be repealed.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-03-16

onds duration The people were terrified and
fed In all directions No lives were lost
Austria has decided to prohibits the teaching Of
old Catholicism in any public school in the en-
pre-
The French Chamber of Deputies to-day
voted urgency for a credit of 200 900 francs for
the proposed Pasteur institute
The Lord Mayor of London has issued a second
appeal for donations to the fund for the relief Of
unemployed workingmen.
The Egyptian government expects to derive q
large revenue from the results of the discovery
Of petroleum in the Khedive's dominions
An Austro- Hungarian company has obtained
monopoly of the carrying of petroleum TO Europe
by steamer from the wells in the Caucasus.
Willenbocher the Austrian public hangmnn, is
dead. He held the Office twenty four years. and
during that time executed but thirty six persons
Louise Michel announces that she intends to
make tour of America. She Is mobbed every
where she attempts tospeak in public in France.
Nineteen Russian muiiks have arrived at
Paris, to be treated by Pasteur for wolf bites.
All the men were terribly mutilated by wolves.
Richard Belt, the sculptor was yesterday
found guilty of msdemeanor in having obtained
money of Sir William Abby by false pretenses,
and was sentenced to a years Imprisonment at
hard labor His brother Walter, jointly in
incict with him, was acquitted.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-03-16

At the second interview the whole ground was
not gone over. They talked about it as mat
ter that was well known between them. Young
said that is was better not to say any
thing about il. The witness supposed that
Young did not want the Bell people to hear
about it. It was during the first
interview that Young said that, as Garland was
attorney for the Pan-e.ectric, he felt delicacy
about bringing the suit and it would be brought
by Goode. Witness was deeply impressed by
this. and remembered the conversation nearly
word for word. The question Of new legislation
by Congress was never preached by any of his
associates.
the Chairman-Did You assign your associates
an interest because of the official position they
held. or because of their standing as lawyers and
because you expected to be benefited by their
servicesl The Witness-There were three
reasons. One reason was that they held official
positions, and from tho fact that they were
widely known; the second reason was because
they were lawyers; the third reason--last but not
least-was because we had known most of them
for many years, and we were satisfied they
would conduct everything on an honest basis
We wanted mono but such men associated with
us.
At this point the committee went into secret
session, with the understanding that the examin-
alton Of witnesses will be resumed on Wednes-
day.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-03-16
SEVEN SILLY GIRLS.
How They Were Deceived by Pretended Nor
mon Missionaries.

How They Were Deceived by Pretended Nor
mon Missionaries.
Reading Pa.) Special.
tended Mormon missionaries is made public here
to-day. Moses Wagonhorst, respectable citizen
of Whitehall, Lehigh county, called upon Alder
man Denhart and other public officials and made
the facts known. Several weeks ago two patri-
archallooking. elderly men. wearing long white
boards, called upon the farmers of his section
and those residing in the lower section of the adj
joining counties, and announced that they had
been sent by the Mormon Church in Utah to
make converts. They tried to persuade num-
Der of farmers to sell out and ally their fortunes
with the Western Mormons. They met with
very little encouragement, however, from the
MIA Germans Then they devoted themselves to
the young women Of the neighborhood,
and showed how, by moving West, they
could marry rich Mormons instead Of remaining
mere drudges at home, with no prospect Of OBJ
tanning husbands in the overcrowded East.
They persuaded seven young women of Lehigh
and adjoining counties to embrace the Mormon
faith They agreed to pay their fares West, and
held out golden opportunities to them. The two
men started with the young innocent farmers
daughters, by way Of New York, ten days ago.
Nothing was heard of them until Friday. when
four OK the young women returned and related a
they had been taken to places Of infamy in that
city and told they had been procured to lead
lives of shame. The alleged Mormon missiona-
ries merely proved to be the agents of these
places The remaining three young women re-
fused to 60 back, and were bent upon leading
hayward lives. The four others escaped, glad
to get back to their parents.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-03-16
FOREIGN MISCELLANY.

The French Chamber Expresses Confidence
in the Government on the Labor Question.
PARIS. March 1.-the Chamber of Deputies,
by vote of $40 to loo, adopted resolutions to-
day declaring that the Chamber, feeling conf
dence in the determination of the government
to make such amendments to the mining laws of
the country as the existing state Of affairs in
the mining regions showed were necessary, and.
persuaded that the government would safeguard
both the rights of the state and the interests OF
labor, passes to the order Of the day. NJ De
Freycinet, Prime Minister. on behalf Of the gov
eminent accepted the resolution, and stated that
the reform in the mining laws projected by the
government would be based on law and justice.