Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1886-01-08

and across the ceiling; yes, up the bedposts
and down the curtains for you must know
that spectcr hogs like other specters, are
endowed with supernatural powers. Here
and there lay the sleek, plump white pigs
of New England, grunting monosyllabically
as if they pincd for their od-time rations of
potato parings and skim-milk. Hogs every
where; yes, hogs pigs, bears, sows, bar
rows, and shoats, and they grunted and
squealed, gamboed and rooted in solos and
symphonies, in chorus and concert, and in
weird hog harmones. The widest orgies of
the valkyries could not have equaled it,
"Michael" said the old family SOW, con-
tinuing to point the index prong of her foot
reproachfully at him. as her tiny dead
mackerel eyes steadfastly regarded him;
Michael we have come back to enjoy your
good fortune with you. We are numerous
For twenty years you have been butcherng
us at the rate of 100000 a year! Think of
it: 10000, 900 hogs massacred to crafty your
greed for gold. Well, we are here to revel
in the flnery. And why should we not' We
gave you all you possess. These things are
as much ours as yours We will enjoy them
with you -
They had indeed hilarious time; it was
i'll very truth "A porcine saturndla. All
night long they gamboled and rooted and
wallowed in the chamber A dozen little
piggies with cute white curlcd tails took the
bronze clock on the mantclpiece and set it
on the floor and played glecfnly with
it. Guileless little spccters! it amused
them to see the wheels 90 buzzing around.
The older pigs grovcled lazily about and
several of the more dignficd hogs reared
back in the armchairs and looked very wise.
for, as you know, in the brute creation as
well as in the human there are owl-like
hogs
Glow do you fancy the spectacle,
Mchacl;' asked the ghostly old SOW. "Does
it please you as much as the sight of your
grand coat-of-arns Why did you forget
us when you hired that coat arms in
vented! Why did you not pay our memory
the simple justice of Il SOW dormant or
boar rampant or a shoat adossed. Why is
there no gore splashed on your proud shield
to represent the blood of 10000. 900 hogs who
have persisted for your sake Michael, you
are fraud-a coarse, unfeeling, ungrateful
fraud"
Then the other hogs gave a prolonged
scornful grunt i'll chorus, and all the little
pigs went squ-e-e-cak in tones that well ex-
pressed their bitter reproach. And then
they all rooted and wallowed and sozzled
around in the most brutal manner
Michael and heard it all, but what
We're his protests against the stubborn will
of these malignant prosecutors: The next
morning he found hog racks and pig tracks
everywhere and everywhere there was the
smell of hogs and pigs. Even the bouquet
of roses his wife placed on the center table
was redolent of trying lard and hot
drippings,
This condition of affairs lasted for many
months. Each night the phantom hogs
invaded his chamber and ran riot there;
each day he beLeld inscribed on all he
possessed the ghostly words Hogs" and
pigs" 1t was simply agonizing.
And everything seemed TO conspire to fret
this poor man-yes, even the most trivial
happenings. For instance: One evening
Michael and his family went to the theatre
this was something they frequently did,
and it was very good of them to patronize
the drama. But ON this particular evening
a Shakespearcan drama was to be per-
formed, and Michel had hespohen a box: it
was box Z, section |, aisle (Which, by the
way Michel soon discovered stood for Pig.
Between acts the young folks fell to discuss
ing the authorship of Shakespeare's play,
and Michel was sadly discounted when lie
heard Henri Osmund Grummond, his daugh-
ter's lover, advance the startling theory that
Bacon. During the rest of the evening
Michel thought of nothing but bacon-he
was very miserable.
When the phantom hogs assembled in
Michel's bed-chamber that night they were
in high spirits, and when the ghost of the
old family sow, who ON all such occasions
OBLIGATED as the presiding spirit. referred to
young Grummond i'll complimentary terms
there was an outburst of approving grunts.
! These porCine phantOms seemed ever ready
to applaud whatever drove the iron into
Michels soul
AS for Michel's wife, she never was
troubled with any of the frightful halluci-
nations that made Michel's life burden to
him. She was happy because she had all
the money she wanted and because society
acknowledged her as its queen. She wore
the costiest gowns and bonnets ever seen in
the city, and her diamonds We're simply
regal she was Courted and tattered-oi
course she was happy. She did not see that
everything she had bore upon its face in
flaming letters Hog or "Pig" Happy
woman,
But unhappy Michel. Even the sough
ing of the breezes distressed him. And al
last worn out not so much by his practica
dealings with bacon, Sides cut meats, fam
green hams, spareribs, leaf lard. scraps
green shoulders (New York cut, link sau
sages, and sweet-pickled hams-worn out
we say, not so much by these things as by
the old family sow and her legion of procinC
followers, he died. His sightless eyes be
held no longer the horrid legends OF
'H-O-G" and "P-I-G" inscribed on all hi'
glittering possessions, nor did the phantom
of the Missouri river razor-back and tn,
Kansas prairie-racer alright them.
But when he was dead, everybody crieC
Hog" and "Pig"-yes, now that pool
Michel was gone, everybody rallied at hi
memory and vowed there was in the will h,
left behind an aroma of pork and bristles
Or, perhaps we should not say that every
body rallied, for to its utmost capability die
fashionable society mourn the loss of Niche
Grayde, its brightest ornament
And 10. just as Michel had dismembere,
and cut up the old family SOW and he
lrOppnN so did Michpl'S unpratpful heirs en-