St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-05-10
MAN AnEEoRmER.
How He Would Manage tho House.
Is hold.


How He Would Manage tho House.
ts hold.
lie would have the house run by force Of
such seeming magic that male members Of
the family would never recognize wash
day, sweeping day, house-cleaning time OF
| onions.
de would have the coffee as strong and
clear every morning as is usual on Sunday
morning, the lamps always properly
trimmed, and beef without bone. gristle
fat or fiber.
lie would have the bedclOthes securely
tucked in at the foot of the bed, nailed if
| necessary.
he would see that his pipe and slippers
were TO be found at night exactly where
tney were left In the morning. likewise his
placking- brush and his receipts.
lie would never pose as a martyr because
the male members of the family were Occa-
slonally late to dinner.
lie would ertloOk as if he had swal-
lowed something he couldn't digest when
male members Of the family stayed out late
ana make Irrelevant observations thereat
lie wouldn't make disagreeable remarks
regarding habits Of drinking and smoking
TO make sensitive members OF the family
feel uncomfortable.
lie would never be without a servant un-
der any consideration; by dint of discretion,
conspiracy and all. amiable disposition a
servant would be always in her place-to
Dulld hres and carry coal, if nothing more.
he would add to the culinary depart
ment without delay an improved patent
hash machine, cherry stoner, all apple
parer, potata Slicer, cabbage chopper,
and he would wash dishes with a mop, al
ways have holder in his hand ready for
use, never have the Stove-lid litter where it
was not, and always work with gloves on.
lie would never be seen with crimping
pins or curl papers, never wear soiled
apron OF Mother Hubbard, never have a
tear III his sleeve, and always wear be-
witching lace breakfast cap. He would
paralyZe the butcher the first time he sent
tough meat. he would never have sour
bread, and he would have more good things
to eat and lesser bills from the grocers.
He would always have the water pitchers
full OF water. always have the coal stove
filled with coal, always have the ash pan
empty. always have the lamp filled, always
have the wood box full of wood and never
allow emptiness in any sort OF receptacle,
except the ash pan and the cuspidor, to jar
upon the nerves and senSibilities of weary
| breadwinnerS, who come home from their
daily toll.
He wouldn't allow the cook to burn so
much fuel, and he would put the kindling
wood under lock and key.
He wouldn't always tell people how much
he had to do, and he wouldn't chase him
| self around the house doing the thousand
and one unnecessary things that women
do.
He would never cook boiled ham or cab
Dage, fritterS, Sfih OF onions within the Sa-
cred home precincts.
He would never take more than usual
pains to hide the button-hoOk, the clothes
brush and the morning paper.
He Would have eggs done to a turn in ex-
actly three minutes by the clock and not
have the shells SO hot that no man on earth
could open them.
He would never take advantage of the
graveyard hours of the night to go thro ugh
trousers pocket for small change.
He would never ask dry goods clerk to
take down every bolt of cloth in the store
in order to select two yards of cloth for an
apron.
He would never allow church societies,
missionary enterprises. literary clubs and
other foolish female organizations to inter
fere with the domestic diversions of mend
ing, darning, patching and the like.
He would hang an illuminated motto Of
Charity Begins at Home'' over the mantel-
piece and reflect on its hidden meaning.
He wouldn't hamper the mind of busy
man with mailing unimportant letters to
feminine correspondents in obscure sections
OF the country, and then create an unneces-
sarY family disturbance ON finding them
week or SO thereafter in the same coat
pocket hanging safely in the closet.
He wouldn't be dog in the manager and
object to man going to the theater because
he had to stay at home himself and take
care of the baby.
He wouldn't allow his watch to run
down; he would get the baby into the
habit OF sleeping all night. and he wouldn't
throw out lnsinuating remarks about spring
bonnets and wear martyr expression and
red eyes with every change of the season,
He wouldn't berate dressmaker that he
had paid $25 to ruin silk gown
He wouldn't use his lap for a writing
desk and criss-cross the lines on the same
sheet, so no one on earth but a woman
could read it.
He wouldn't put pins in his stocking sup
porters and shoe strings: he would button
his collars and cuffs like man, and never
put pins in his belt.
lie wouldn't give man pair of hand
embroidered velvet slippers four sizes too
large for him, and then feel offended be-
cause he wont wear them.
He wouldn't give man smoking cap
and SIS cigar stand for Christmas, and
then make inconsistent remarks all the
next year about the extravagant habits of
men.
He wouldn't quarrel with lady friends in
the street car about who should pay the
fare. but quietly allow the other woman to
pay, always maintaining an Indifference
an imperturbable and highly masculine de.
meanOr.
He wouldn't trade off his old clothes for
plaster OF paris images in bronze and other
foolishnesS i'll bric-a-brac to hang on the
walls.
He wouldn't put tides on the chairs,
and he wouldn't buy silks to cut and sew
together again to construct crazy quilt.
He wouldn't shut all the blinds up tight
in the summer, and he wouldn't wear
drawn expression about the corners of the
mouth, when. perchance. the front hall is
decorated with the umbrellas and rubbers
of the family.
He would cultivate an amiable DISPOSE
ton. never have. Odious headaches, bride
his tongue and never hang on for the last
word.
In Short he would endeavor to make the
lives OF male members of the family as fell
citous and as free. from care as possible.
HARYoT Holt.