The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-07-07
flashes Of fun.

-"Pa, is it right to call a man born in
Poland a Pole?' "Of course, my child"
"Well, then, if a man is born in Holland
is he a Hole?" "Tut, tut I'll answer
no more of your silly questions."-Lou;s-
ellie Courier-Journal.
An editor in southern California
managed five different papers in the last
year, and they all collapsed on his hands.
He has just started another, and has
named it Kind Words, because kind
words can never die.
81 don't know what you mean by
not being an Irishman,'' said a gentle
man who was about hiring a boy, "but
you were born in Ireland" "Och, your
honor, if that's all" said the boy, "small
blame to that. Suppose your cat was to
have kittens in the oven, would they be
loaves of bread?"
SOM men who were pumping water
from a vessel thought to be tight found
that the water did not fall, after an
hours working. One of the laborers, an
Irishman, on making an examination,
found a hole near the stern, upon which
he cried "Shtop, boys Sure ye'd pump
the whole ocean away before the ship
would float"
"A merchant traveller at dinner re-
quested the waiter to bring him a piece
of rare beef, and when it came, it was
rare indeed. "Waiter? ?" he remarked
warningly, as he looked at the undone
dish. eyes, sah," responded the darkey.
"Take this beef out, please, and kill it."
The waiter crawled into a napkin ring
and disappeared.
Heard on the street: "Why, that
man was your chum at school, and you
two were always inseparable, yet now
you pass him with a cool bow. Has any
dispute occurred ?" ooh, no we dearly
love each other still, but it would not
look we'll to show it. l have become a
doctor and he has become an undertake
er."-Phiadelphia Neos.
An old darkey was endeavoring to
GA LILO uI11olC o1IdCO va
see," remarked Sambo, sit was in this
way, as far as | can remember: "Fust
my fader died, den my mudder married
agin and den my mudder died, and my
doesn't seem to hab no parents at all,
nor no home, no, muffin"
The irrepressible Mission School boy
is always ready with his odd answer,
sometimes showing himself, as in this
instance, "a regular brick" The ques-
ton was, " DO bats ever fly in the day
time?' ayes, SIR said the lad. "Not
So" said the teacher. "What kind of a
bat did you ever see flying in the day
time?" "Lots of 'em, sir; they was
brick-bats."
-"There is a fine specimen of a bull
dog" remarked Smith to Jones at the
dog show. ayes, he is a beauty" "You
ought to have a dog like that, Jones.
Living in the suburbs, as you do, a watch
dog is almost a necessity" "No, it
isn't" replied Jones, YEARLY. ga man
who has seven daughters, all over twen-
ty-two and unmarried, stands in his own
light if he keeps a dog"
Merchant Ito his clerk, "Young man
in love."O "John, are you crazy | told
you to write and ask for the best figures
on that coffee, and you hand me this
My little birdie,-I nave told your pa
that 1 love you to distraction, that you
are more to me than the sun, moon and
stars, and sweeter than the honey that
is slipped by the BEES and a lot more
nonsense. Now, sir, suppose l had has
tily signed that letter and sent it I"
"A gentleman at the theatre sits be-
hind a lady who wears a very large hat.
Excuse me, madam, but unless you re-
move your hat I can see absolutely moth
ing" Lady ignores him. "Excuse me-,
madam, but unless you remove your hat
something unpleasant will happen"
Lady ignores him again. Gentleman puts
on his own hat. Loud cries from the
audience. "Take off that hat take off
that hat" Lady thinks they mean her
hat, and removes it. "Thank, you,
madam"
An illustration of the ridiculous and
annoying way in which a church choir