Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-11-21

cotton plantation. There is entirely tO'
much of this nonsense written about tn
superior advantages of one place over an
other causing great delusion and tinancia
loss. We can live n ittl'
when we try real hard, but we don't pro
pose to infict it on the generous people o
West Virginia. When we tell about SOM
locality out here that yields 100 bushels
of wheat to the acre, and no drOuthS eve
happen around and a market always exist!
that pays best market prices, and all sucl
stuff as that, we will write it for thu
heather and not for West Virginians. Al
this stuff filled with statistics showing how
u man can make an immense forum,
in a year or two by s~tartin:
an orange grove, or by coming
west and taking up a quarter section o
rich fertile ground is sublime delusiOn. Il
is all written and published by railroad
companies and private spectators who
seek to fatten their purses by downright
deception. | have seen places advertised
in by letters Secure a pleasant Home, >
and then 90 on and describe how fertile
and blooming the land, how good the Soci,
etp, how pure and crystal the water-and
the honest mortal truth is that the whole
place from 4 to lizard is not worth I
picayune. So Internally poor was
the ground that one could not raise peas,
and not enough foliage existed to feed 4
goose. l would like to impress upoh the
no rest industrious young men OF West
Virginia that when you go West to seek q
home and fortune that yOu turnyOur back
on as good Il piece Of ground aS God ever
created. All Of the available free land OF
the West is taken and if you expect 4 good
farm You may expect to pay a good price,
and with that you may expect as a sort oil
a chrome thrown in with the bargain,
a cyclone or so, a blizzard or two, and
very respectable drOutb, and ut intervals a
graSShopper or chintz bug crop, and the
LordOnly knows what other kind Of al
iiictiOns may yet cOme. The good people
OF West Virginia don't have all Of these
blessing thrown in, but they can get one
or the other by coming west. In the South
it Is made pleasant by occasional doses OF
demguc and malarial fever and an occas-
SiOnal chill-Of course every one Is not
Liable To these blessings. But
it is best to expect them and bring along
your q]uinine, and leave orders for i coffin
or save money enough to rome back on.
1t didn't look exactly right to Us, To see a
man 90 West, ride out on a iirSt-claSS
ticket with 4 couple of thousand dollars
in his pocket, then in about three years
come back in Il covered wagon drawn by
two spawned horses. lct it is Il common
onnurrana" Thu mnr.l I I~""- rrnn, this
il, if You want to make IN ass of yourself
come West and get rich-it's awtully, aw-
fully easy you know.
Election is over and the public mind is
growing calmCr and We notice the stcrcO-
typed forms ~''bOOdlerr ,'~'lunatic" ''cOr-
rupt Scoundrcls," and other pleasant
term, are being withdrawn from the public.
We were in a prohibition town one cleo
ton night and enthusiasm ran high. The
chief interest centercd in the sheriff. We
met the candidate for that office whom the
boys were backing with great odds. lie
was IN a hilarious condition and I rcmcm-
berrd-"Grcat Heavens! do You elect a
sheriff who gets rs drunk Us that"
Drunk as that" you ought to see the
candidate on the other ticket. lie is a
regular old diStillery let loose" We saw
him afterwards and Judged that he WAS Il
distillery with a brewery annexed.
-
We met some OF the funniest people on
the train n few days agO-and it's surpriS-
ing how frequently We meet persons OF
kindred feeling and natures. Just ycStcr-
day | was cunverSing with u minister and
was telling him Il little one horse snake
story. | never dreamed that our natures
were about identical or that he was any
thing else hut q plain, ordinary preacher.
i'ut during the course OF the story he
handed me his card his name, rather a
peculiar one, was, II am somewhat of n
liar myself" fell ON his bosom and we
were great friends. Have You met any OF
his relatives?
=.
.N'N 1911 l uhiiAll lliNNlt Il peculiar
thing? | noticed IN elderly lady, single,
of course, who came into the car accom-
panied by 4 vali>e that was large enough
to be Il sample trunk for clothing. and
besides this two bundles. She took her
seat, pulled her skirts carefully about her
feet. DO you know what made her do
this? Sipmly because she was afraid some
one might happen To get a glimpse OF her
stocking. She would glare around the car
in a defiant way that seemed to dare any
one To insult her. Did you ever
notice that these creatures who are
81 over modest and so mortallv
afraid Of these wicked men are
the very ones these wicked men would not
fool around for 4 small fortune. have
seen hemlOck boards with knot holes for
eyes that were far more attractive than
some of. these Super-Sensitive mOrtals. Now
ayoung lady, the picture of health. oCcu-
pied 4 seat in the same car, and on aco0Uut
of her having that peculiar American hab-
it of crossing the eNtrcmiticS 4 portion Of
very fashionable hosiery was displayed.
An elderly maiden informed her in n hor-
ror stricken whisper that her limb was
unnecessarily exposed. did shr faint!
She only said: 'Oh, that's all right. that
is n wooden leg
One good, pious old lady, sitting in a
seat ahead, remarked that she was going
down to st. Louis, she said, Il did intend
to 20 to the Imposition, hut all the exccu-
tion carS were ~ crowded that | knew |
could not enjoy the trip" This reminded
M of another Partingtoniau display of
language that occurred in a hack. We
were crossing a bridge of rather peculiar
construction, all completed except the
end. One old gentleman gravely remarked
that the bridge was quite coRreRtOn. Yes"
replied the hack driver Us gravUly and it
will be much better Us soon rs the condition
IL put on the end The hack driver was
a man of education and did not wish TO
initiate or offend the old fellow BY going
off into an explosion of laughter. This is
what call gentlemenly conduct. Don't
laugh at anOthers error, at least not until
YOU are sure.
-
We close now hoping to again ask space
in your cOlumns-if We get out of town all
right. The citizens seem to look nnon rs