The Southern herald., 1886-03-13
A CHEAP TELEGRAPH.
What Resulted from Getting It
Within the "Sixpenny Limit"

The sixpenny telegram may prove
priceless boon to the British nation at
large, but at present it stands to my
individual mind as the symbol of some
thing intensely disagreeable. On that
inauspicious first of October when the
new arrangement was thrust upon us,
Ireceived a message, handed in at a
London office, which ran as follows:
TO FREDERICK AUGUSTUS suTH-SIMPKINs,
50 Lsngham Hotel-Bring Digby on Saturday.
JBHKIHs.'
A very innocent and ordinary COM
munication, to all appearance, and yet
that innocent-seeming message was the
means of breaking off one marriage, of
precipitating another and of losing me
3 fortune!
The sender had curtailed his name
and omitted his address in order to
compress his telegram within the
sixpenny limit; but there was no
doubt in my mind as to the identity of
the sender, / knew only one man
named Jenkins-my mothers eldest
brother, Albert Victor Emmanuel
Smith-Jenkins. The wisdom which de-
clined to pay an extra halfpenny on
each of those high-sounding baptiSmal
designations was certainly to be ex-
tolled 1t was only pity, thought,
that they could not be similarly sup
pressed on all the other occasions of
life. The taste which our family has
always displayed for lengthy and
would-be imposing nomenclature has
been anything but source of pleasure
to me; for nearly ive-and-twenty years
I have positively groaned under the
burden of my own four names; and the
tiny tax levied upon the Smith-Paynes,
the Smith-Jenkinses, and the Smith
Simpkinses, is the only thing con-
nected with the new telegraphic regu-
lations which wins my cordial ap-
Proval.
To return to my uncle and his mes
sage. 1t was perfectly plain and intel
ligible, in spite of its brevity. A fa-
vOrite niece, to whom he had been
lately playing the part of father, was
to be married next Saturday, from his
house, to a baronet. / had been in
Vited to the wedding; and here was a
further request that / would bring
young Digby, mutual acquaintance,
with me, 1t was somewhat odd and
informal manner of inviting him; but
my uncle was an eccentric man, accus-
toned to do things of this sort. He
had returned within the last few
months from trip to the antipodes,
accompanied by widowed sister and
her daughter, the Australian belle who
was to be married on Saturday. The
young lady, or her mother, had evil
IDENTIFY contrived to captivate the old
gentleman during the short time they
had known him, for he had already sig.
nified his intention of leaving her the
half of his fortune, provided that she
married to his satisfaction. This con
dition she was just about to fulfil, SC
that her inheritance might be regarded
as perfectly safe. The other moiety o.
his property was to be bequeathed tC
me, and in my case there was condi
tiOn of general good behaviour, with
out any specific demand.
| had never heard Uncle Bert speal
of Digby, and therefore had no idef
what terms of intimacy they wer'
upon. My own acquaintance with hin
was of somewhat casual though very
pleasant sort. Three seasons ago,
Joined four OF five other men in hiring
Highland moor, and he had been ont
Of our party. l was so unfortunate
during our sojourn in those remote re
gions as to dislocate my ankle; and il
ihe absence Of regular medical aid
Digby showed himself skillful anna
teur surgeon, and afterwards relin
quished many hours of sport with hi
friends in order to sit by my sofa an
help me to while away the tedium G
my idle days. We all liked him eS
ceedingly for his never-failing hon
homie, and for a certain charm Of pres
ence and manner that no on
could resist. l always understoo
that he came of good oil
stock, but knew very little about hi
people or belongings. When ou
party broke up, he told us that he wa
going to sail for Melbourne in fe,
weeks; and we each shook him hearth
by the hand and wished him pro-
porous voyage.
l never set eyes on the man agai
from that day to the thirtieth Of Sci
tember last. had been up in town
week, and had been dining that evei
ing with my old chum, Bob Collier,
good fellow, but gifted with an unsu
passed genius for plunging himself int
scrapes and for dragging in his frien'
after him. After dinner we adjournC
20 q well-known music hall. BC
eschews the British drama, and patro
ises no public place Of amusement
London other than music hall, {