The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-04-15
THE MERRY SIDEI |

off for his summer vacation.
The ideal ticket of the future will be ticket
equal to the demands of trade.
-
Eggs are so cheap in New York that some of
the hens will have to be boycotted.
VIM. 7. Lewis, of Parkersburg, accidentally
shot q friend-and killed himself running.
Jackson County roads are turn -pikes-as soon
you strike them you want to turn back.
#.s
The fierce snow storm made the election seem
like "whited sepuIchre," to many a candidate.
-
How appropriate-that many a man who is
etching for an office should get scratched"
Hand-shaking has pretty much quit since the
election. But friendships still little shaky
The Democratic candidates for Township and
Corporation Clerk may be said to have 'died in
the WOOL"
The chief signal officer seems to have lost
control of the weather. He has certainly let go
the rains.
"Is it arby- y-trate, ye'd have?" observed Pat
'bedad there's bin too much 'tratin' in this
country now"
"Fret not thyself because of evil-doers." Pos
sibly you couldn't be as big liar as they, If
you were to try.
The man who said we should have early
spring, ought to be buried seventeen feet deep
under the snow.
Portsmouth and Ironton people now go to
bed upstairs, for they don't know where they'll
be in the morning.
There is no need of any further investigation
in Cincinnati. The figures at the spring cleo
ton tell the story.
Cincinnati paper is shocked at "Toad
Heaven And "Toad Heaven" is doubtless
shocked at Cincinnati.
*.+
Fong All Yu, Chinaman, is to be hupgin
Rome, N. Y. If they would hang "Ah There
it would be great public relief.
50.
The Mormon women have appealed to the
Senate for protection against heather U. s.
officers. Send more Missionaries!
Gen. Grosvenor is distributing tobacco-seeds
among the Athens County farmers. Building
up popularity that will end in smoke.
-
my dear. why is it that we get along SO much
better than formerly"-
"Oh, you know the Kinks have cIosed"'
1t requires three goat-skins to make Fanny
Mills pair of shoes. For stockings, the little
lady wears couple of old circus-tents.
The gruf old fellow who went to hear a iris
ing young orator." remarked that he would
always "rather see one sitting down."
-
"Ha," said the dude, "I was struck with an
ideal"
"But 1 see,' remarked his companion, "that
you successfully warded it off,"
APPREcIAT1oN.-"Did you attend the Lee
ture?" "Yes, 1 did! And it was the poorest
show ever saw-nothing funny about it,"
-.-
ssThe days of the Democratic Senators from
Hamilton County are numbered"' says Col
umbus dispatch. But who can tell the number?
Kate Field says "the condition of things in
Utah is the result of the condition of things in
Washington Grover, we wouldn't stand it!
-.+
An Ohio paper says Annie Sylvester disap-
peared from st. Louis society years ago, and
turned up in Californiasas bicycle rider. She
did in Jackson, too.
Democrats love to call Cleveland "the phrase
Lie nOSI NlSOIOuS puIdseS ne Iudh6S
come from the mouths of disappointed office
seekers.
The woman whose house was great, disor-
dered heap of rubbish still prided herself upon
her order. She always had place for "every-
thing"
Miss Romie Ellis plays beautiful tunes upon
straps of sleigh-bells-but many a farmers boy
has heard more soul-stirring music produced
by the straps alone.
A crowd congregated in front of Marshal
Owens residence and sang maudlin song
about "red brush" There was a whole forest of
red noses in the crowd.
The spring sfreshet has given many Demo-
crat opportunity to strike out for home-on
the headwaters of Salt River. Some are almost
too badly swamped to start.
''The Jackson Standard says Chillicothe has a
dog that rides bicycle. We believe that is a
lie."-Gallipolis Bulletin.
What's the matter with you? Do you think
dog can't ride a bicycle? Were you never on
bicycle?
Pat Killen, heavyweight of Chicago, tried to
knock out Mike Haley, the champion heavy
weight of Iowa. But Pat couldn't make 1.-THE
couldn't catch Mike.
The figuring at the Cincinnati election this
spring seems to have been of the good old 'sin-
gle-rule-of-three" kind. The Democratic light
ming -calculators were not there.
We were shocked to hear that western paper
had pied its forms, a few days ago. But they
soon gathered the blocks up in a basket, and
locked them up again.
The Apache prisoners gave grand dance as a
farewell to Gen. Crook, before being conveyed
to prison. They had led Crook many a wild
dance before.
1t is easy enough to account for the Demo.
cratic falling off in the Fourth Ward, Cincin-
natl. They didn't find the straight tickets
| under the ballot-box.
"Don't you want to get your declamations ?
Don't you want to be an orator" ?" inquired the
| teacher
care you an orator." innoeently inquired the
| pupil. Sudden silence!
A well known Jackson man had a taste of
| Paradise, the night of the election. Some
men held him and poured beer down him, after
he was too drunk to swill any more. 1t was
| the happiest moment of his life
Meigs County girls put letters in beer-bottles
and set them afioat, for the purpose of getting
correspondents. If you want eer-bottles for
husbands, girls, you on the right track.
Rev. T. Dewitt Peake preached a sermon in
Pomeroy, on allow to Obtain Rest" AS good a
way as any is to sit right down in the streets of
Pomeroy. There won't anything disturb you
| if you can stand the noise Of the frogs.
The Marietta Register says "the canoes on the
bsck-water look like ducks" Look here! &C
over to Parkersburg and get straighter grade
of whisky, before you shoot somebody!
Gov. Foraker has sent a special message tc
the Legislature calling attention to the terrible