Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1886-12-25
BILL NYE ON HOTELS.
He Describes His experiences at an Imitation
Hostely.
Chicago Tribune.

We are moving about over the coun.
try, James Nhitcomb Riley and |, in
the capacity of moral and spectacular
show. attend 10 all the spectacular
part OF the business. This is more in my
line.
am writing this at en- imitation no
tel where two roads fork. will call it
the Filth Avenue Hotel, because the
hotel at railroad junction is generally
called the Fifth Avenue, or the Gem
City House or the Palace Hotel. ]
stopped ut inn some years ago called
Palace, and can truly say that il it
had ever been palace 1t was very
much run down when l visited it
Just as proud parent OF wht' -eved
two-legged freak OF nature loves, to name
his mentally diluted son Napoleon, and
for the same reason that prominent
horse-owner in Illinois last year sOcked
my name on tall buckskin. color, d
colt that did not resemble me, intel
lectually or physically, q colt that did
know enough to- 60 around barbed-
wire fence, but sought TO lit itself
through into an untimely grave, so
this man has named his ; way back wig
wan the Fifth Ayenu Hotel.
Tits different from the Fifth Avenue
in many ways. In the first place there
is not 80 much travel and business in
the neighhorhood. As | said before
this is where two railroads fork. In
fact that is the leading industry here.
The growth of the TOW mis- naturally, slow
but It lisa healthy growth There il
nothing IN the nature ofdangerOus or
wildcat speculation in the advancement
OF this place; and while there has been
no noticeable or rapid advance in the
principal business, there has been nc
falling off at all, and these roads are
forking as much to-day as they did be-
fore the war, while the same three men
who were present for the first glad
moment are still here to witness its
operation.
SOMETIMES a train is derailed, as the
papers call it aud two or three people
have 10 remain over, Ms we did all night
1t is ut such time that the Fifth Ave.
me Holel is the scene oil great excite.
meent. A large cod fish, wifi broad
and sunny smile and his bosom full o.
rock salt. ia tel in the creek to fresher
and fit himself for the responsible posi-
ton OF floor manager OF the cod fish
ball.
A pale chambermaid, wearing black
jersey with large pores in it through
which she is percohting now goes Joy
ously up stairs to make the little post
office lock box rooms look ten times
worse than they ever did before. She
MARBLES a low refrain as she nimblN
knocks loose the venerable dust O
centuries and sets it afloat throughout
the room. All is hustle about the
house.
Especially the chambermaid.
We were put in the guests chamber
here. 1t was two atrophled beds made
up OF aims and counterpanes.
This last remark conveys to the read
er the presence of light, joyous feeling
which is wholly assumed on my part
The door OF our room is full Of hole
where locks nave been wrenched off IL
order TO let the Coroner in. Last nigh
could imagine ! was in the act 0
meeting, personally, the famous peopl'
who have tried to sleep here, and VIII,
moaned through the night and diet
while waiting for the dawn.
| have no doubt in the world bu
there is quite good-sized delegation
from this hotel of guests who hesitate,
about committing suicide becaue the
feare d to tread the red-hot sidewalks G
perdilion, but who became desperate a
last and resolved to take their chances
and they never had any cause to regre
1t.
We washed our hands on door-kno
soap, wiped them on slippery-elm court
p aster that had made quite reputs
ton for itself under the nom de plum
of Towel" tried to warm our selves g
a pocket inkstand stove that gave OF
heat like dark-lantern and had dc
formed elbow at the back OF it.
The chambermaid is verv versatile
and waits on the table while not er
gagged in agitating the overworked ma
tresses and puny pillows up stairs. /
this way she imparts the odor Of frie
pork to the pillow-cases and kerosen
to the pies.
Still she is sociable at times and col
verses freely with me at the table, an
she leans over my shoulder, pensive
brushing the crumbs into my lap wit
general utility towel, which accom-
panles her in her various randi,
through the house, and she asks whic
we would rather have-"tea or eggs ?"
This afternoon we will pay our bill
in accordance with life long custt m
ours and go away to permeate the bu,
haunts OF men.