The Sunday morning news. [volume] (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1886-1891, 1886-10-31
THE THREE FlGUREHEADS.
Who are ON the Republican Ticket Only
For tIae Fun Of the Thing.

W no are on the Republican Ticket only
For the Fun Of the Thing.
The nomination of Schwamhammcr for
Congress was quite funny enough to en-
title the Republicans OF this county to be
regarded as the champion practical hum
orists of our county. But froman abund-
ance of caution they deemed II well TO
follow up and support this joke with two
others of an almost equally pronounced
character. We refer, of course, to The
nomination of p. Farmer Wapser for Sur
rogate aud of John R. Virgins for State
Senator. Each Of these gentlemen has
been candidate for one Office or another
at every successive election for several
years. and 90 great and uninterrupted has
been their psrsis,ency in trying to have
themselves supported at the pubic ex-
pense that whf never a Republican County
Convention meets the delegates seem to
regard it as part of the regular order of
business to nominate Virgins and Wan
ser. In 1884 the former of them ran for
Sheriff, and was defeated. In 1885 the
later ran for Surrogate, and was defeat
ed. Now they are both running o. the
same ticket, and inside of few days they
will both be again defeated. How often
they must be subjected to this discipline
of adversely before the fact shall dawn
upon them that the people are fatisued
by and disguised with their ceaseless
cravings for office remains to be seen
Their ravenous de ire to thrust their .ses
into the public cup has always led them
10 make unbeconring exhibitions of them
selves and to iniure their stan Hing and
repute in the community. They are alb
! soiute'y desperate in their hunger for the
spoils Like the starved wolves of Rus
STA, to whom the sight of an uni rotec, ed
traveller is the s;goal Tor furious rur-
suit. these gentlemen no sooner behold an
office, about 10 become vacant, than they
sci up great hue and cry and dash off
in n frantic hunt for it.
| But, really, we are not disposed to SER
icus.y discuss these patrioss. We prefer
to regard tuem as valuable contributions
to the humor of the campaign. With a
little careful handling great deal of
innocent amusement may be extr icted
from them and their antics. So far as
their public performances have disclosed
any excuse for their candidacy their chief
arguments for their election appear to
be-
First-That they are beautiful creatures.
| Second-Tbat Mr.. Wigging can s:ng the
''Larboard Watch
Third-That Mr.. Wanser can blush
''like schoolgirl"
| AT every meeting which they have at
tended the journal reports that they have
referred in the most complimentary terms
to their personal good looks. After each
has certified that the other is a singulariy
handsome nam, the next proceeding is for
Mr.. Virgins to expand his ample chest
and give harmonious voice to his favorile
/ song. When he has finished, Mr.. Wansel
struggles to his feet, and, if the Journal is
to be believed, with his face Redeemed
like a school girls" exclaims: "Weil,
fellow citizens, here we are again" Hav
ing delivered himself Of this signitican,
ruth he reddens lrifie more, and, with
much nervous soliciude as to the success
of the joke, remarks that "the position oil
Surrogate naturally is of grave clarac-
ter" There may be no harm, perhaps, in
a man indulging 10 pun of this KIND
while enjoying the relaxation of his do
meslic hearth, but that full grown mar
should 60 about the county repeating thi:
wIetched pun day after day aRd inferen
TALLY making it tie basis of his appeal fol
the vo.es of intelligent people, is wholly
ipcomprebensible. To be sure this metboc
of conducting canvass is quite as sensi
BILE as--and much more amusing than
that adopted by the picturesque Mr.
Schhmharnmer, who confines bfm
self to the gruHting Of incoler
ent no.hipgs. Still we must .onfes!
that if the puhlic's minstrel combination o.
h wanser and Virgins cannot produce any
greater attractions than the chnubis faces
bad joke and an old song, We eanno1
Hatter thsm with any hopes of victory
They will 90 down to posterity as two
good-hearted, amiable, honest gentlemen
who did we'll enough in the minor paths o.
life but who lost their heads and went
hopelessly astray when they surrendered
their judgment to their ambition. Wkils
we cannot prevent them from deportine
themselves according to their pleasure, VIZ
have, at least, the right to object to theil
making themselves ridiculous. For we
have an interest in them and mean to save
them if possible from their own folly
They are worthy men, this Virgins ant
this Wanser, not fitted for Surrogate OF
Senator to be sure, yet useful and com
petent for many other honorable stations
in life, and so we are anxous to set then
right in spite of themselves and to explain
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