The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-04-01
THE MERRY SlDEI

Report from the political death -bed-"Pulse
$50, temperature 800, aspiration 1000.
The abandoned gas well at this place will
still burn. 1t is the eight of experience"
Ohio has beaten Kentucky in a rooster-fight
This should "spur" us on to nobler action.
-.+
eyer can't lock ghosts out'n de house, said
Uncle Pete 'kase dey alluz git in wild skeleton
keys
The world is rapidly becoming more cultured
A New York man has started a skunk farm
for their hides. He isn't pestered with trouble
some neighbors.
GA dusty March makes good crops,'' is the
old maxim. 1t perhaps refers to the march OF
the plowman.
The baseball season is coming on, and the
man will be in great demand as q
The hand-organ fiend has not been around
for some time, but the amateur bass-singer in
church is still with.us.
At Bloomington, Indiana, man was arrested
for swindling on tombstones. So near the grave
and yet dishonest!
Another natural gas explosion at Pittsburgh
Finding natural gas seems to be good deal
like catching bear.
Sporting Note: "John Fay, who knocked out
in Florida. was celebrated in poem
Maybe he read the poem to him.
Secretary Manning prostrated from over.
work! If the Democrats don't quit trying to
fill the offices, they'll all be dead.
The wife of Henry Conrad, in Dubois county
Indiana, gave birth to four children. Henry
thinks of starting Sunday School.
A Western dispatch tells of father who "fol.
lowed his son to the great unknown" The son
ha probably found new saloon.
Paddy Ryan has gone upon the stage. He
evidently thinks he can inf1ict more punish
ment that way than with his fists.
Senator Beck don't want the army increased
because it would "shoot down the people," Not
if they behave themselves, Senator.
-
Charge against an Old Man, The old fellow
probably voted the Democratic ticket.
A Jackson man is talking of raising an Uncle
Toms Cabin Troupe. There are plenty oi
worthless boys and dogs for the equipment.
-xs
"Hope deferred maketh the heart sick" but
you should think" says the defeated candi
date, "what hope killed does for a fellow"
+x%
Alex. Hibbard, of Milwaukee, has silver
where thieves can not break in and steal"
Bookwalter's Egyptian Princess" mummy
is two thousand five hundred years old, bu
like most of her sex she refuses to tell her age
The Salvation Amy at wellsville. Ohio hat
a battle with sinners but finally kicked them
out, isinging, they kicked, "Sinners tern
why will ye die?''
"Chas. Meyer, OF Cleveland, tried to shoot hi
wife, then blew his own brains out" Don't
believe word of it. He only blew hole ir
his head.
"My defeat" said the candidate, would cause
me to do something would dread very much
go to work !' said a friend.
Sandusky wants "House of Refuge fol
Boys" If Sandusky can't make her boys be
have themselves, let her have the house, by all
means.
Who says that true talent will not be reward
ed? Archer the English jockey, makes ovel
fifty thousand dollars year, riding in horse
races.
Sam Jones says he has "more respect for s
man who drinks whisky than for one who
drinks beer" But you can't smell him as far
Steve Taylor is dying from consumption,
caused by the pummeling Sullivan gave him
in a spa1ring tour. So John is doing some good
after all.
Edgar Pelton, of Lebanon, Ohio, was shot
and sued his assailant for five thousand dollars
The Jury allowed him three hundred. Had he
been killed they would perhaps have made il
three fifty.
The time of year is coming when flowers viii
be stre~n upon the-graves of the dead by peo
pie who never attempted to strew flowers in
their path while living.
-
Halstead has brought about the right kind Of
reform in Cincinnati, but the situation is still
terrible. The honest voters are showing a dis
position to dodge gangs on both sides.
-
Johnny Mclean is reported as a lonely wan
derer and out-cast. But you'd better keep your
eye on the poor fellow, friends. Even cast
away may raise terrible stink.
Ironton has more trouble than the Cincinnati
Committee. Ironton has penetrated
nearly twenty hundred feet into the
earth, and is still looking for returns.
The Ironton Register says the Grand jury
oyer there ate bushel of apples in one day.
It's happy county where the Grand Jury has
nothing else to do.
They are still counting the ballots cast at the
election in Cincinnati last Fail. Reformers
have always advocated paying great attention
to the count They're doing it.
Since the Democratic party got the Republi-
cans out of power in Kentucky they have i'm
proved things wonderfully. The State didn't
owe cent then, and it owes a million dollars
now.
M. Pasteur tried his incubation method upon
a Russian who had been bitten by wolf-but
the man died of the hydrophobia. They will
cut him up and use him to kill somebody else
with.
Col. Tom Howard says Breckenridge's eye
reminded him of the eye of rattlesnake
"clear, bright, and looking into eternity" The
idea of a man looking into eternity, and still
being q Democrat!
A writer in the Louisville Courier-J ournal
tells of seeing jeff. Davis riding to the front al
Petersburg and the writer listened to Mr.. Da-
vis's horses hoofs until they were four miles
away. If the horses feet were as big as the
story, it might have been so.
A man sold Jackson stock-dealer "a COW
and calf" which were taken away when the
little sickly calf could travel. The large, healthy
twin calf was slipped away and kept. Th'
man was bound twin that calf.
There's boy named Mckenzie, at Waverly