Morning journal and courier., 1886-04-08
w IDE.

Lady Gin shoe store)-"1 would like to look at some cloth slippers for myself. :" Clerk (until recently in the dry goods ine)- "Yes, madam; something all wool and 8 yard wides"-Harper's Bazaar.
 A student of the dime novel-''Come now, Be1tie, kiss your little sister and make up with her," said mamma to her 1O-year old boy "What! the Pawnee chief bow low to pale face Cry Babyl Mother, you ask too much "-Tidbits.
 Poor Debtor-'You can't collect that from me sir" Collector-tNoa' Debtor ''No. You can't get blood out of turnip." Collector Gin disgust)e t)e'Apparently not; neither can I get money out of beet. ."- New York Graphic.
 A western farmer, being out of shot, pour ed box of pills into his gun and killed one robber and seriously wounded ar accomplice. The physician who prescribed the pills should not be arrested because they caused the death of aman.-Norristown Herald.
 At the criminal court: Judge-"How is this. prisoners find you here again at the end of your five years not changed parti- cle." Prisoner (sadly)-"Alasl very little, your honor." (Then with politeness) )-"Nei- ther has your honor changed much, for that matter. French Wit.
 An unknown man stepped up to Rev. MT. Talmage once and said: "Well, sir, am an evolutionist, and want to discuss the ques- ton with you. I am also an annihilationist I believe that when I die that will be the end of me-" "Thank God for that" devout- ly calculated MT. Talmage, as he walked of and left the man perfectly dazed.-Philadel- phia Item.
 Yes, my son, it is true that molassss cal ch- es more flies than doth vinegar. But it is also true that as rule you don't want to catch flies; you want to drive them away. Argil, don't smeer with molasses when you are liable to be exposed to flies. There is only one kind of flies you want to catch, and molasses isn't sweet enough nor sticky enough for that. Time flies, my son; time hies.-Brooklyn Eagle.
 "Your promotion was very rapid, was it not general?' "Yes; I went into the war 8 captain and came out a brigadier general. y 'sWere you at the battle of Shiloha" 'No, hadn't gone south at that time. I was in recruiting service in Michigan until re- ceived my commission colonel" "You were at the siege of Vicksburg then!" 'No; I went from Michigan to Ohio, and assumed command of q convaleseent camp" Were you on the Red river expedition" "No, was in Washington, on leave of absence then during which time was made a generals' 'fFor what service were you promotedf | 'tBlowed if I know"
 The Fox and the Hares.-A Fox who waa passing through the Forest one day heard s great Dispute among the flares, and he turned Aside to find several of them En- gagged in Hard Knocks around Burrow. s'What's all this Row about?" demanded Reynard as he Fell Among them. f'Why, sir," replied one of the flares, "Our Father is Dead and we can't agree as to who shall Possess his Burrow." 'But it is large Enough l for all of you." 'So it is, but That settles . question of Fact instead of Principle. '' f'Well, I'll take the Fact and you can Keep the Principle" said the Fox as he took Pos session of the Burrow. Moral-When the Heirs Fight over the Old Homestead the Lawyer comes to own the Farm.-Detrei Free Press.