News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-16

Inc H'TeSbyterlGn tells q story OF
young preacher who was holding forth
to a congregation of summer boarders
at great length and sOlemnity, on the
text, "The Time is Short" There was
an old Dutch clock in the house which
played tune at meridian. The minis
ter was somewhat startled at noon by
the old clock breaking in suddenly upon
the astonished audience with the strains
of Take your time, Miss Lucy" The
PreSbyte ian adds that there was no
need of "a mourners' bench" for the
boarders.
so HAPPY.
Something you wanted. Madame ?'
he queried, as she was gong out of the
store.
''Why, ] came in for pair of shoes,
and I've waited twenty minutes and no
one has came near me. I've got tired"
wait just one minute" he whis-
pered. give spent twenty-five minutes
with this lady with the big feet, but it
won't take five to fit your little No. 2's
with something nice''
Although she wore SIS she smiled and
sat down to wait. -Detr0it Free Press.
THOUGHT Is DEEP r THAN ALL SPEECH,
Miss Ethel Yes, indeed, we girls are
fully alive to the Justice of popular crit
icism on chattering women, and that is
why rJe organized our Thought Club.
Mr.. Blank-Though Club {?
eyes, and it is dong us such world
of good"
II don't doubt it "
20 .,
ing We talked for five whole hours on
the advantages of silent meditation. -
omaha World.
HE KNEW THEIR WEAK POINT.
Newly elected Member of Congress
Ito committee of the Women's Suf-
trage Association) II will present your
bill, ladies, before the House, but you
must remember that every voter must be
twenty-one years old, or over that age,
to vote"
Middle Committee Woman - 'sOh,
dear me, girls, we never thought of
that; we-had better let it go for few
years until we are old enough. "-Tsras
6ytshgs.
TO LEAVE.
Nurse-Oi'll have to lave yez, mum.
Lady-Why so Mary Ann
Nurse Well, mum, tn, baby's gittin'
old.
LADY, don't see what difference that
makes.
Nurse-Why, We see. mum, the baby's
gittin' to be blonde an Oi'm a bru-
nette. We don't look well together.
\ ell have to dye the baby; mum, or 1
must lave yez.-Ransbter.
ANOTHER LOCKOUT.
Editors Wife from second story win
dow You can't get In this house, at
any such hour of he morning as this"
Editor (appealingly)-''But, my dear,
was necessarily detained at the office.
You see we had late news of tremend-
Gus big lockout and"
Wite-''All right, you've got news of
another now," slamming down the win
dow.- Ciacs'0adti 1elegram.
THE WAY WAS ALL CLEAR.
Mabel el-Won't you come in, charlie 2
Charlie 'gloomily)--You forget that
-yUur futher injured-my feelings last
evening when l was leaving.
Mabei--Yes, darling, but he wore bis
carpet slippers at the time, and now his
foot is one up in bandage and he goes
on crutch. Come in.-LOUeU teen.
AN ACCOMMODATING CLERK.
Fair Customer-"Have you the Lddy's
Compdnion ?"
Clerk-"Eh ?"
Il am going out into the country and
| want LGdy's COmPaaiOq to take with
me-"
You do, Ell? Well, what's the mat
ter with me ~
THE COAL DEALERS SCALES.
Customer to coal dealer-"Have YOU
got any name for those scales of yours f''
81 never heard of scales having
name"
"Well, you ought to call your scales
ambush. You see they are always lying
in weight. {" 7eras Saftings.
COST TOO MUCH.
Little Wife-I don't tn nix this bon
net quit suits my hair, George.
Husband Shortly Sh'a' thought o.
that b'fore y gave s'much money for it.
She What, my bonnet
He-No; your hair, my dear Punch.
WOULD BE CONTENT.
''What part of the land do yez want
for your share, Murphy 2" inquired a
statesman on Park Row.
Faith, an I'm not particular, Dinnis. !
'Tll take Central Park if it's not en-
gagged. IN J. Journal.
ACHIEVED GREATNESS.
eyes, SIR" remarked a prominent
politician, 81 have held office for
twenty three years"
Twenty three years." was the as
tonished reply. "That's long time to
stay great"
STREET SATISFACTION.
Old Party-'If had fifty cents and
gave it to you to get changed, in order
to give you a penny, what would be
left ?''
Street Arabian old man .''-Teras
SJt,nQs.