The Irish standard., 1886-10-09
A Specimen .Bricls:.

A Specimen Brick.
THE DOCTOR.
All along, in our parish, we wanted a
! Doctor--a medical Doctor and a good
Catholic. There were some queer in
cidents in relation to the physicians al
ready in town. ''Queer' is q .ood
enough expression to qualify Incl
cidents," but some other adjectives
would also tit we'll; we will then say
blasphemous, blackguard, and in not a
few cases, mur,ierous incidents took
place in their course OF practice SO,
everyone was wishing for good prac-
tical, Catholic physician. When you
think Of the current expression ten
doctors, nine lnidels," our hopes were
microscopic, but all Of sudden. just as
+, the fishes bite, there came one to town
who pr0fessed Cattolccity most inGu.
bitably.
The new Doctor was from Pot1svilie
let US say, and his name was Stubbs.
Stubbs will do excellently for the pres
ent. Well, of all the earnest, emphatic,
boisterously loud spoken Catholics you
ever heard, Stubbs took the palm The
worthy man joined every society con-
nected with the Church, except the wo-
mems and girls association, and these
he joined by proxy. at every meeting,
when the regular order of business was
through, and that little dull time comes
preparatory to asking for a speech OF a
song or something OF that sort, Stubs
head bobbed up serenely and appeared
to draw up the rest of his body,
whereupon Stubs mouth opened
eloouently and he Grated. There
vas always something about
Stubbs III everything Stubbs said.
some good act he had performed
some church he had built--sonae scan
dal he had suppressed--sone society he
lifted. up with gigantic etfort--some op~
ponent, Goliath, he had slain by the
word OF his mouth-sone poor and for
gotten, afflicted with elaphantiasjs, Oh
Kephalalgia OF all-the- big dictionary
word diseases whom lie hat cured and
renewed in the flesh.
By dint Of frequent repetition, we all
cook to him amazingly, The priest Of
the parish was unto MIN as /; bosom
friend. Mrs. Beads declared the
worthy Stubbs fit to be canonized and
so the Doctor soon got into practice.
BY and by the practice grew, SO that the
worthy Doctor, III the sacred cause OF
humanity, had frequently to be off Of
Sunday With practice came wealth
and then luxury; and now. the socie-
ties that efstwhile knew the Doctor
knew him no more. Time was money
and 80 time was precious, Then, full
suddenly. came q contest with the
church authorities. The Doctor wanted
to pad his pew Either the pew WAS
getting hard or the Doctor was getting.
soft. aud SO he wanted the pew padded.
Now, the church authorities hated in-
poYations and they declared that the
pews should not be padded. The Doc
tor grulnb}ed and threatened, and had
followers The parties were equally di-
yided: Pads and anti-Pads. But the
Doctor settled the question by With
drawing lis corporosity from the
church altogether and thus a great
schism was averted.
Lo and behold! What a change !
Stubbs found fault now not only with
the church's pews, but with the
cnurch's preachers. The sermon was
dull or heavy. or tires?me; the mass
was too long; the music was lorri1 :;
the congregation was poor and unedu-
Gated. and altogether, it looked like a
| case Of utter prostration with the pulse
very low, indeed. Well, to make t. long
story short, Stnbbs ceased going to
church together-then joined the
Grano knights Of Lofty Humility and
received new lights.
But wern't We deceived down in our
parish2
guess we were. KATE.