The true northerner., 1886-07-15
HUMOR.
THE color of a sick dog-a purp ill.
A PoLICEMAN's lot IS often an acher

A PoLIcEMAN's lot is often an acher
WnE-"What's the news, Henry?"
Husband-"War is going on in Greece"
Wife-"Oh, lard l"-Nelcmd'e hide
pendent
SMIrH-Ha, jones' Suppose we go
a-fishing? Jones-Can't do IT, my boy
Smith-Why not? Jones-I swore off
liquor the first of the year.-Boston
Courier.
IT is said that shingles may be made
fire-proof, but you cannot convince the
small boy who has had experience that
a shingle is not frequently red-hot.-
LOweH Citizen.
WHEN a coil of lead pipe in front of
a hardware store begins TO wiggle and
stick out its forked tongue Dakota
man knows il is time TO swear OIL.
ESteiline Bel.
do YOU not see on every side evil
dences of the new art of making home
attractive?" asks an exchange. We re-
gret to say that we do not. We board.
-NeW York Graphic.
THE man who makes two blades of
grass grow where only one grew before
is q benefactor TO his species. and the
woman who will get along with only
one bonnet where two were needed be-
fore is an ornanent to her sex.-FdU
RiUer AdUdnce.
"How ARE you getting along with
that red-headed wife of yours? p asked
Gilhooly of an intimate friend. my
wife gives me heap of trouble. After
we have row and just get through
having a monkey and parrot time of it,
she doesn't give me any peace or quiet,
until we have started fresh fuss. -
Teras SVtingS.
II is said that Queen Victoria re-
quested the Prince of Wales to edit the
life of John Brown, but that the Prince
positively refused. The Queen was
much grieved, and, in conversation
with a prominent gentleman, said:
"Yes, Hi ham 'urt. Hi thought o
would do imself the honor of hediting
such q work, but Hi was mistaken.
Halas the 'ead is not cold until the
noble body is forgotten. Hi would get
somebody belse to hedit it, but hi
don't want to pay out hany money.
Halas !"-ArkanSdlC TraUeler.
The old gentleman was intently
studying a letter he had just received
from his lawyer, hanging fire on the
words SUM cuique, which the legal
wight had carelessly shelled out. See
ing his son enter, he exclaimed See
here, Billy, you're Latin scholar,
what do these words mean?" pointing
to the aforesaid SUM cuique. Mean ?"
replied Billy; "Why, 1 should think
you could flush that sentence, even
if it isn't spelled according to Hoyle
Sue 'em quick, is what the counselor
meant to say, but he's little erratic
in his photography. y Yonkers Ga
zette
A MAN in last years clothes was seat
ed at table in the reporters room
writing. 1t was costing him great eff
fort, apparently, for his tongue was
sticking out about four inches and he
showed the pen along as if it were a
plow. "Who is that?" whispered the
city editor to one of the boys, who had
been coaching the visitor. Anarchist,
replied the reporter, with a warning
shake of the head "The devil How
do you know?" gasped the city editor.
Saw his writing. Spells God with a
little g." and the reporter slipped out.
WASHINGTON Critic.
THE LADIES MAN.
He's handsome polite,
UnapprOachnble quite
In elegance, gracefulness, style:
In a word, debonair.
And admired by the fair,
Whose hearts tbs his aim TO beguile
He's attentive to Jane,
And he flirts with Elaine,
And he murmurs soft nothngs TO Fan;
While his mustache he twirls,
But beware of him, girls
For he isn't a marrying man.
He can sing in duct
With Janet or ROsette,
And the upright piano can play;
And delightfully."- spoon
Through IA whole afternoon,
With Bella while playing croquet
He's expert in all games
Played by maidens and danes,
And waltz through the german he can;
Most gracefully whirls,
But beware OF him. girls,
For he isn't a marrying man.
Boston Courier.