Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1886-03-19
ODDS AND ENDS.
Because the baby is a little yeller
is no sign he is a Chinaman.


"CapitaI punishment said the
boy, when the schoolmistress seat
ed him between two girls.
The man who can write love.let-
ters without making an ass of him
self has kept the matter very quiet.
The man who walks through life
on a carpet Of velvet is the one who
thinks twice before he speaks once.
They say that a Kansas Demo
crat who went to Washington after
a postoilice, has been given a job
at saving wood in the navy yard.
The velocity of light has been
measured and recorded, but the r3-
pidity with which a woman can
chatter bad news over neighbor.
hood is still "a matter Of gaesswork.
The fate of n nation has some.
times depended on the color of a
soyereign's hair, and too much sal
eratus in the biscuit has more than
once been the cause of war.
II is said that red cheeks can be
produced by rubbing the face with
ice. 1t has long been known that
red noses could be produced by
rubbing the lips with glass.
The most extreme age to which a
chicken can live under favorable
conditions is said to be nine years,
but anybody who ever boarded
knows better.
4" Pat, what time is itp "Oi
don't know, Mike, but let's guess at
it, and thin, begorra, the man who
comes furthest off can 60 out to the
kitchen and lOok.'
When the body Of DIR. Llghthill,
the famous medical quack, who
died of smallpox in San Antonio
the other day, was examined $780,
600 in greenbacks were found on
his person.
\ lady OF charitable disposition
asked a tramp if she could assist
him by mending his clothes. ayes,
madam" he said, 81 have a button,
and if you will sew a shirt on 1t |
will be greatly obliged
In Illinois last week, twenty acres
of earth suddenly disappeared,
lake Immediately forming. 1t is
thought that some Chicago girl had
been visiting in the locality and &C
cidentally stepped on the spot.
Some one says that the Mormons
are towards and wouldn't fight
All the same, they are the only peo-
pie in this country who have the
Spartan courage to marry dozen
of wives in a three years inning.
\ gun that will shoot nine miles
with considerable accuracy is now
used in the British navy, but it is
still as hard to hit cat in a neigh
boris back yard with a boot jack as
it was when Jacob was hunting rab-
bits with a bow and arrow.
Mons. Pasteur is in favor Of the
compulsory incubation of all dogs.
1t would also be a good idea TO
compel the incubation of all mar
ried men. That would greatly
please the wives of those husbands
who go mad so often while at home.
" Doctor" said the grateful pa
tient, selling the physicians hand,
" shall never forget that to you /
owe my hte.n You exaggerate,'
said the doctor, mildly, "You only
owe me for the fifteen visits. That
is the point hope you will not fail
to remember
The Rev. Sam Jones, the Geor-
gia revlvalist, says he doesn't want
to die for q year after making
horse trade. He wants that length
of time for solid prayer. Mr.. Jones
SAYS he has been there. 1t would
be interesting to hear from the man
he snapped with.
A man with a red nose applied
to the theatrical manager for pO-
sition. Where we're you employ.
ed last y asked the manager. 81
was IN the orchestral 4" What in
strument did you blow-tbe from
bone T. "Naw, | blew out the kerr
Dsene lamps after the performance
was over
Prof. Willis, the physiognOmist,
says: Beware of the girl that has
black eyes, shan the girl with blue,
md run from the girl with gray
oyes.7 This practically restricts
he choice of the foolish young man
o the Circassian girl with pink
Eyes, who is not warranted genuine
outside Of the dime museum.
We feel writes a Western ed
tor, " that an apology is due to
Widow Grimes. In our issue of
asst week wu stated that she had
'loped with an eighteen-years old
nan. The truth was that she was
brown from an eight.years old
mare, which she was riding in
ope, and which slipped and fell.-
Mistakes will happen in the best
egulated newspaper offices, and
We are confident that when we state
he item WAS sent over q telephone