Morning journal and courier., 1886-01-28
KR EATHS.

"Mother,'' said little girl who was trying to master pair of tight boots, ':it's no use talking, can't wear them My toes can't get chance to breathe. flynn Union.
 She-'I am afraid you are a devotee of Bacchus, Cousin Harry?' He-"Well, l don't know; I used to admire poor Charley very much, but of the two think Birch was trihe the funnier. Life.
 First tramp-'sI say, Bill, have yer seen de paper dis mornin'"' Second tramp ''Yes." First tramp 'tHows stocksl' Second tramp-'Dey was way up yesterday, wid prospects, ot furder advances ter-day." First tramp-"It's goin' our way Bill. You take Broad street an I'll take Wall"
 Father what is 8 luxury" asked little Johnnie the other night as he wrapped him self around the perlor stove. "A luxury? Why, it's something we don't really need, you know-a thing can do without" <" "Well, then," replied the logical youth, 'Ewhat luxury mosquito net must be in winter. Life.
 English tourist-'I had snch an awfully jolly time in Amerwica, ye know, especially when 1 was in Chicago, Ohio." Friend "You must be mistaken, deah boy. Chicago isn't in Ohio; don't ye knowa" English tour ist-'I wather fawncy I know something about America. Perhaps you'll tell me next that Cleveland isn't in Washington. Ram bier.
 In Canada: Fair Anericaine-"Oh, we are perfectly delighted with the country; and as for MT. A, don't think anything would tempt him to go back to the States" Blun- dering Canadian-''Indeedl And-er-I beg your pardon, but was it bank or only an ordinary business house with which your husband was connected!'-Boston Tran script.
 It used to be told of certain Army of the Potomac colonels that when they were dis Al # 41,o5, ,%A 1f4. cers they sent him before the examining board. This was very likely to prove the last of the officer. The examinations were very rigid. One colonel caught tartar i'll this manner: He duly sent the officer be- fore the board. One of the first questions was, "Yeur regiment in line of battle. Po- sition of the colonel2' ''In Washington" ," was the prompt answer. This was in the days when many colonels preferred the so- lace of capital streets to the troublesome tented field. The officer retained his posi- tion.-Denver Tribune-Republican.
 The Trials of uth-"Tommy, will you have some more pudding, my son?" asked Mrs Smiley at the Christmas dinner. There was a large company present, and she spoke very pleasantly to Tommy, for she was afraid he might be disagreeable Tommy was in the habit of making disagreeable re- marks when there was company. s1 don't know whether I will take any more pudding or not. You are always saying that eat as much as four boys" ''Why. Tommy, you know better than that" "Yes, you and pa are always saying I'm no better than 8 pig. Are you sure enough in earnest when you ask me if want some more pudding?' Tommy, I'm ashamed of you. Won't you have some more pudding, just little more9 Come, now, that's good boy" said Mrs. Smiley, looking at him as if she would like to skin him alive "Wel," replied Tommy defantly, 'I'm in fix. If I say want some pudding, then you'll say after the folks are gone that the little pig had to have pudding twice. If don't take any more pudding then you'll say that I ate so much turkey that couldn't eat any more puddin' when you offered it to me. Darned if I know what to say."-Texas Siftings.