Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-12-23
MRS. eowseR.s 1.-e.
The Good LADY Tells OF Her Experiences
on Election Day and Night.

MRS. BOWSER'S Toe.
Tho Good Lad7 Tell, o, Her Experiences
on Election Day and Night.
Know Bowser? He's my husband.
Doesn't know enough to come in when
| it rains. Ii he did he'd stay out and
get soaking wet just to oblige his polit-
ical party.
Bowser is passably domestic and in
telligent except at election time. About
a week before the election he begins to
act up. He saddles the party on his
back and begin, to grow thin and pale
and nervous. His mind is filled with
majorities. stra' gh:s, splits, slips. can
ards and cand dates.
l give him Hail COlumbia-I have
even kept him awake all n ght talking
to hm-but it does little or no good.
The old crank is figuring out a net gain
of l2S in the Fourth Precinct OF the
Sixth ward all the time I'm talking,
and when forced by exhaustion to stop
for moment, he looks at me with glis-
tening eyes, reaches out his paw and
yells:
'.Whoop! shake! I tell You. we've
got emf
The closer it gets to election day the
more of an idiot he becomes. Strange
men come to the house, and he takes
them out into the alley for whispered
conversation, during which they nod
and gesture and chuckie and shake
paws. He is called out of bed to stand
on the front step and mutter and num-
| bic with strangers who may be mid
! night assassins for all know. / wish
they were. l wish they'd hit him with
a sand-bag and render him unconscious
until after election. He slips out nights
without asking my advice or consent.
and along towards midnight, after I
have got the whole police force looking
for him. he comes sneaking in and con-
tidentialiy whispers:
'Say. Hammer, its all fixed to run
Bilker in the Seventh ward, and his
election assures us a grand victory all
along the liner
''You old idiot. but what do l care
about Bilker or your grand victOry!' l
yell at him.
Ssh! Don't talk so loud or the OPP
position will get on to our racket
And the way he and the rest of 'em
write communications to the papers
signed '.Pro Bono Publico." .'Veritas,"
''Workingman' and Taxpayer is
perfectly awful. I've known Bowser
to sit down and write whole yard of
stuff, claiming to know exactly what
allied the country, and furnishing a po-
litical panacea for it, sign it Truth,
and send it Off to appear next morning
in print and scare half the country to
death. Bowser knows what ais the
country! Why, he doesn't know a
wart from stone-bruise
1t is on election day that his vivid
foolishness glares Ike an electric ight
He gets up half an hour earlier, gulps
down hasty breakfast, and rushes off
to peddle tickets and challenge votes
and see to bringing out the full vote.
He doesn't 60, though, before l have
said to him:
''Bowser, you are a fat-focted idiot!
You turn with a crank! You ought to
be turned out with kangaroos! You
well make the majority two thou
sand I'll around and bury the opposi-
ton ont of sightr' he eXclaims, looking
at me in such dreadful way that feel
ch .ers race up and down my spine.
At noon l hear that he has bet our
house and lot on his favorite candi-
date.
At three o'clock that he has been
pounded all to jelly.
At six that he has also bet his horse. |
cow, the baby and the cook-stove on
majOrities.
At nine that he has offered to bet me !
against fifteen dollar overcoat.
At ten that he has gone to political !
Headquarters to STAY week, and that |!
when some one asked after my health !
he replied:
..Furs' rate-tuff's ole rhinosceros an
twice's ugly! 'Rah! fur Zhene1al Zhack- |
sonr' |;
At midnight kick his Sunday plug
hat across the floor, fling his slippers !
out doors and smash his pipe and go to
bed. I'll settle with Mr.. BOwser when |
he comes home, and if blood is split !
the law must hold me blameless. At |
noon next day he comes home in hack, !
hat smashed. pockets inside out, coat
tails torn Off and fifty dollar suit of
clothes completely gone. His hat is on
the back of his head, his eyes blood
shot, and beer stains all over his vest. l
arm myself to slaughter him, but he
begins to cry and protest:
''Shay. Hammer, go light on 'er fell
Ter! Hull ticket got cleaned out by
5000 majority. an I've come home 'er
die!'-Detron Free Press.