Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1886-06-04

Two persons standing over stove on
a cold day warming themselves were
overheard indulg;ng In the following
dialogue: No. ], apathetic, and given to
verbiage, addressed No. 2, reputedly
hot-tempered and decisive, whose clothes
he noticed smoldering, as follows: my
dear friend, there is something would
like to speak to you about; I have seen
it for some time, and all along have
wanted to tell you, but, rs people say
your temper is so fiery, hesitated; on
the other hand, if do not speak you
may be loser, so l have come to the
conclusion at last to ask your permis-
sion to do so." "Out with it," said the
other. swell, your clothes are burn-
ing," mildly continued No. i. "Why
the deuce" cried No. 2 in a passion, as
he observed considerable damage al
ready done. ''could you not speak at
oDce?" alt is true, then, what people
say: What temper he has got" NUT
tered No. /, as he lazily walked of.
A wood. cutter was at work In concert
with his son, while his little grandehild
played near him. The old man acci-
dentally cut his sons finger, whereupon
the irate sufferer called his father
blind old fool. "You son Of dog"
cried the little boy, show dare you
abuse your father!"
The following is told of an incorrigi-
bly, idle offspring Of a literary father: a
youngster, having great disinelination
to study, was shut up in closet with
strict injunctions to apply himself.
Stealing near, the parent, TO his delight,
heard his boy droning over his book,
and was presently still more pleased by
bearing the supposed student exclaim:
az understand it!' The excited father
rushed in, crying out: IL am proud, my
son, that you have at last mastered that
work." eyes," said the boy, 81 always
thought books were written, but to-day
have discovered that they are printed. !"
Come here 10 dinner" cried good
housewife to her husband, at work In q
field. "All right" he shouted, "as soon
as have hid my hoe" AT dinner his
wife demonstrated with him for shout.
ing so loud about hiding his hoe. 81 am
certain" said she, 1.-The neighbors have
heard you, and some one has already
stolen it," Struck with the remark, the
man returned to the field, and, sure
enough, the hoe was gone. On return
Ing to the house, and impressed with
the wisdom of her previous caution, he
whispered into his wife's ear: ''The hoe
is stolen"
The following impromptu, though
consequent on fall, can not be looked
upon as the outcome of deficient un-
derstanding. a man stumbled and fell.
Trying to rise, he again fell. "Hang 1t, !"
he cried, "if had known l was to fall
again | would not have tried to get up"
A woman was tanning the corpse Of
her husband, and being asked by the
neighbors why she famed a dead man
in the middle OF winter, she replied !:
"My husbands last words were, wife,
wait till | am cold before you marry
again."
The feminine propensity for conceal
ing age and resenting impertinent ques-
tons in regard to IL Is common 10 all
times aud nationalities, but that does
not detract from our admiration Of the
trick by which the truth was got at in
the following instance: A man, newly
married, thought when his wife unveil-
ed for the first time she looked rather
old and wrinkled. Telling her so, he
asked her real age, when she replied,
80 or 49," "You wrote in the mar
riage contract 3s years." said he. "but
you look even more than 40 or 49," At
last she admitted "a. The husband was
still doubtful: 30 he betbought himself
of stratagem for getting at the truth.
Jumping up, he said: 81 must cover up
the salt before going to bed, or else the
rats will eat il all before morning"
"well," said his wife, laughing, T
have heard Of and seen many strange
things In the sixty-eight years Of my
life, but never saw or heard Of rats
eating salt BEFORE"
A doctor, as punishment for causing
his patients death, had to pay ten bur-
dens of wheat. While carrying the
grain be was met by man who asked
him to come and treat sick member OF
his family. "All right" said the doc
tor, 81 will be there shortly; bur In the
meantime you may be getting your
barn cleaned out"
A barber shaving a customers head
drew blood, and put one Of his fingers
on it. Again he made cut and put
down another 6nger, and so on till he
had no more fingers free. "Ah," said
he, as he paused in his work. ga barber's
S difficult trade; we ought TO have
thousand fingers"
Big Things.