Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1886-04-08
SHORT AND TO THE POINT.

German.
SHORT AND TO THE POINT.
y good story is told of a famous preach
er of Northampton, England-a town of
many grogshops-one DR.. bod, man of
small stature but of large wit. The story
goes that DR.. bod was met one day upon
the highroad by some bachanals and COM
PEELED by them to preach a sermon on an old
stump from text of their own choosing.
They gave him 'Malt" as his text and babe
him proceed.
"BeIoved," said he, "Iam little man,
come at short warning to deliver a brief
discourse upon as small subject to thin
congregation and from an unworthy pulpit.
My text is Malt which cannot be divided
into either words or syables, it being but
one. must therefore reduce it to letters
MALT.
IN is moral, A is allegorical, L is literal
and T is theological. The moral is set forth
to teach you drunkards good manners;
therefore: NJ, my masters; A, all of you;
i, listen T, to my text.
"The allegorical is when one thing is
spoken and another intended. The thing
expressed is Malt which you bachanals
make: NJ, your meat; A, your apparel;
L, your liberty; and II, your text. The
literal is according to the letter: M, much
A, ale; L, little T, thrift.
"The theological is according to the ef-
feet it produces, which I find consists OF
two kinds. First, respects this life; sec
ond that which is to come. The effects it
produces in this world are, in some, NJ,
murder; in others, A, adultery; in all, l.,
licentious lives; in many, T, treason. The
effects consequent in the world to come are
NJ, misery A, anguish; l., lamentation;
T, torment. And now beloved, first, by
way of exhortation: M, my masters A, all
of you; L, leave off; II, tippling. Or, Sec
ondly, by way of combination, M, my
masters; A, all Of you; l., look for; L,
torment.
"Now, to wind up the whole and draw
to close, take with you the character of
drunkard. A drunkard is the annoyance
Of modesty, the spoil of civility, his own
shame, his wife's sorrow, his children's
curse, and his neighbours scoff; the ale
house mans benefactor, the DEVILS drudge,
a walking swill-bowl, the picture of a beast,
and monster Of a man."
With this the little man got down from
his unworthy pulpit and left the drunk
ards in amaZement.
MAUD S.-The society columns of Gin
cinnati paper not long since contained the
following: "Miss Maud Stone entertained
a number of her young friends at her fathers
elegant home in the East End one night
last week." I think hear you say: "Well,
I don't see anything strange in notice
like that" There is not, only the young
lady mentioned is the one the fastest trot-
ter in the world was named for. Her faith
er had purchased young filly from gen.
tleman named Bugher for 1850. Not long
after he took friend out to Chester Park
to look at some racing stock. The tilly was
wards the stables Capt. Stone said: "There
is a tilly bought the other day and l think
she has turn of speed" His friend look
ed her over, and, liking her points, remark
ed: "Start her up and let's see how she
moves" Taking off his silk hat, the cap
tain ratified it with his hand and the fine
young animal started off at a three-minute
clip. "Why, she's a natural trotter," was
the comment. "She is, indeed" replied
the captain, with a commendable pride in
his purchase. 81 wish knew good name
for her." he added "Why not call her
after one of your children 2" asked the
friend. 81 had not thought of that" was
the reply as they walked away. The friend
thought no more of the tily for about two
weeks, when he met Capt. Stone coming
out of the postoffice. "Hello," said he; 81
have acted on your suggestion, and have
just posted the letter claiming the name for
my filly. am going to call her after my
daughter Maud"
MAUD Stone will be a pretty name," re-
sponded the friend. ''Oh I'll not call her
the full name," replied the captain with
blush. "You see, she'll mature before my
daughter, and l wouldn't like to see her
full name on race card, so 1 have called
her Maud S." After the tilly made her
great record at Lexington she was sold to
w. H. Vanderbilt for S2l 900. He never
knew how to handle her, and was never
able to get her speed out of her, Capt. Stone
tried to buy her back and offered 100000
for her, but the Vanderbilts would not let
him have her.-Philadelphia Ne,rs.
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