Morning journal and courier., 1886-12-16
FASHIONA BILE.

s'Dear, dear, how fashions do alter, to be sure," remarked old Mrs. Peachblossom. q see that steerags rates are cut lower. ."-NeW l York Journal.
 Never put off until to morrow what you can do today. The men you may want to 1 borrow from may be called out of town.- l Philadelphia Herald.
 tree was it that George Washington cut 1 down with his little batchet-a cherry?" Chestnut, my son." replied the old man, absently; Chestnut. ."-Puck. "Pa," said Johnny, looking up from his I book, 'what does it mean to pile Ossa on Pelion?" 'FThere, don't bother me now," re- piled pa; ''ask your ma; she understands all about millinery. y."-Boston Trans. "I suppose you must be tired of my talk ing" said his girl, after she had been talking about fifteen minutes, without his being able to get in word. "Oh mo-" he replied. q get shaved at a barber's." ."-N. Y. Sun. Elevated Railroad Amenities-Anxious passenger Gust gate has been shut, ''Can't t get aboard?' Brakeman-''Naw!" Passen- ger-"My wife is dying at home!" Brakeman -"Yer didn't hev no business ter go an git married ''-Tid Bits.
 Too Rude for Anything. Young once, please" Operator-''Yss, miss' (pro ceeds to count the words.) Miss Y.-"Stop, sir! How dare you read its That message is confidential. "-Chicago Rambler.
 Successful suitor Goyfully)-'tWell, have won Miss King. She sent me beautiful plaster cast of her hand labelled, fTwas nine, 'tis yours'" Disconsolate rival (sneer- ingly)-''Well, why didn't she finish the quo tation, And has been slave to thousands. :" [Exeunt fighting. ]-Rambler.
 "George," said the senior partner to the junior in a law firm of three, 1T thought you told me that Alfred had gone out of town on legal business? I understand he's down the road on visit to young lady" "Well sir,' said George, with an injured look, "it's not illegal to call on young lady, believe?"-Puck.
 A Mild Rebuke-An Austin teacher over heard one of the larger boys in the class whispering to the boy below him that the teacher donkey. The teacher did not get angry at all. He did not seize the boy by the collar and draw him over a desk where he could get at him conveniently. All the teacher did was to remark placidly: Harry, I shall mark you deficient in natural history, as you cannot distinguish me from donkey. "-Texas Siftings.
 In the history of the Handel & Haydn so- ciety of Boston it is stated that certain Cap tain Dodd, who sung recitatives in the orato- rio of s'The Creation" in 1S16, concluded to commit the words and music to memory in lO uoIlFoI Wltu greater ITttuOu and effect The plan worked we'll, but on one occasion his memory failed and he as tonished and amused his auditors by sing ing, "And God created great whales, and he said unto them, be fruitful and multiply and-sit and sing on every tree"
 In one of the public schools the other day while the teacher was instructing the schol- ars on the folly of intemperance she com menced by saying that liquor was mans greatest enemy. A young Hibernian, fresh from the Emerald Isle, who was listening with much attention, said that we should love our enemies-a statement which the teacher thought was right, but was much perplexed by the witty remark. "But, con- tinued the boy with a good-natured smile, and relieving the embarrassment of the teacher, five shouldn't swallow them."- Portland Argus.
 Old Dick was like his dog, twas said,
 In every particular;
 And upright were the lives they led,
 Their ways were purp-andI ick-ular.
 M mi Tra