The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-10-27
flashes Of fun.

"A promising writer-The man
who draws up a note
To find the newest book Out 90
to a circulating library. The newest
books are always out there.
Now everybody who has been
stuck with a Waterbury watch ex-
plains that it was "stopped by the
earthquake"
A Boston SIGN.-"You don't mean
to say your boy is seriously in love,
MADAME" "Well, he goes to church."
Boston Beacon.
The difference between a buzz
saw and a bulldog is that when
the former is most dangerous it
never shows it teeth.
FASHIONABLE MA.-"Children!
children! stop that noise. Sit down
and keep quiet" Children.-"Why,
what's the matter, mai" Ma-"Dog-
gle is taking his nap"
The subject had fallen on we'd
ding tours. I'D go to Switzerland"
I'D 60 to Italy" "For my part"
said Mile. Tata, Il shouldn't mind
where we went-as long as there
were plenty Of tunnels"
-Judge-Have you anything to
say before the court passes sentence
upon you?
Prisoner-Well, all l got to say is,
[ hope yer honor I'll consider the
extreme youth of my lawyer, an let
me off easy.
"A little city maiden on a visit
to her uncle's farm saw a threshing
machine in operation for the first
time. "Oh, mammal cried she
rushing into the house all out of
breath, "there's something out in
Uncle Joe's barn with two horses in
it, and they keep going and going
and V get anywhere"
They tell of a boy in England
who, seeing a great tent in which a
panorama of "Bunyan's Pilgrim
Progress was being exhibited, went
to the ticket taker and asked if Mr..
Bunyan was in. Receiving a mega
tive reply he remarked that he was
sorry as MI. Bunyan was his father,
and ended with the query: "Of
course you'll pass me in free?"
My husband is so poetic" said
one lady to another in a street-car
the other day. "Have you ever
tried rubin his jints with hartshorn
liniment, mum?" Interrupted a
woman with a market basket at
her feet, who was sitting at her
elbow and overheard the remark.
"That will straighten him out as
quick as anything / know of, if he
hain't got it too bad"
BEFORE AND AFTER.
The candidate now goes about,
And is ~jocose and gabby,
And when he wants to win a vote,
He'll kiss the voters baby.
But when election day is DER,
He'll hail the nearest cabby,
And dodge around the corner quick,
To 'scape the nasty babby.
At breakfast he began to play
with the cruet stand. [ told him
not to do so. He persisted, and at
last upset it and spilled pepper on
the table cloth. | said: "Now, Allen
you were disobedient and upset the
pepper caster, and [ should make
the punishment fit the crime by put
ting some of the pepper on your
tongue" He looked up like a flash
and asked "would the punishment
be the same if | upset the sugar
bowl?"
He was a wheelman. He had
called at a farm house for a glass of
water, but the farmers pretty
daughter had offered him a glass of
milk instead. won't you have
another glass;" she asked, as he
drained the glass with a sigh and
appeared to be taking in emptiness
with both eyes. "You r very
kind" he replied, "but l am afraid [
shall rob you" Oh, no." with
emphasis: 1--WE have so much more
than the family can use that we're
feeding it to calves all the time!"
Little Bobby was disinclined to
60 to bed during a thunderstorm,
but his mother told him that God