Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-06-02
JIM GIBRS, YARNS.
a Florida Humorist and His Adven-
lures by Flood and Field.
rom t2as Philadelphia Tine,

EUSTIS, FLA, May 25.-,Jim Gibbs, the
cracker humorist of Suwanee county, is a
wiry young fellow of about forty, a hard
working farmer and semi-occasiOna al
lover Of old red liquor. He mas bright,
small eyes, face the color of old tripe,
ana moustache that is the shadow of
innings hoped for. jim IS good fellow,
quiet, peaceable, hospitable and is
saturated with natural, genuine, purely
American humor. He has two voices.
one deep bass coming up from the
depths OF his inner economy, the other a
charming talsetto, suggestive of the am
bilious school girl, who attempts to reach
high 9 without first going through the
necessary preparation. The humOr of his
yarns IS enhanced by his startling change
from one voice TO the other. Many of
your readers will remember him, as they
have been delighted listeners when stop
ping over at Live Oak. Jim never
smiles or laughs himself and is at his best
when he is about one drink ahead of the
game.
APRETTY HEFTY CRAwFIsH
''l'll swear, boys" said jim one day,
as he stepped his horse in front OF the
saloon and swayed easily In his saddle,
II don't want to see no more heavy rains
like we've had this week. They're about
spilled my crop. Woss'n that, them
blame crawfish is crawin' all over my
yard. My dog bagged one the tother
night"
Chow was that, jump inquired one OF
the boys.
We'll, you see, I'd just gone to bed.
couldn't go to sleep, tor had been sorter
rlled at the rain, and all ter onct the pup
commenced barkin' like the devil.
thought twas a coon out in the yard after
the chickens, so l slipped ON my pants,
took lantern and went out. What do
you think | saw? Boys, PHI swear nit
was the biggest crawtish | ever seed in
all my life. Hit was on hits hind legs a
sparrin' at the dog. l sicked the pup on,
but the crawfish whipped him out in one
round. / went into the house after my
gun, but when l got back the doggoned
thing was gone. / was sorry, for | was
goin' to give hit to my friend, Senator
Bill BrysOn,"
'HOw big was it, Jim?" asked one
laughing listener.
Boys, III swar hit was as big as that
goods box" pointing to dry goods box
about three feet square.
MASSACRE OF WILD DUCKS.
cpl bet hundred of fodder that Pve
got the best gun there is in old Suwanee, ;"
said Jim, ''and l onet killed more ducks
with hit than the hull blame town of Live
Oak could eat in day"
''Where is it, Jim?"
''Pve got hit right home now, amt l,
Jo?"
SHOW long is it, JimY'
''Hit's twenty foot long, II hits foot.
My old grandfather fit the Injins with hit.
You kin put yer whole arm down the bar
rel. One day last winter | got up right
airly to go down to the pond duck hunt
ing. l loaded the old gun with a pound
of powder and six pound of shot and
started of. had to use about a barrel of
moss for wadding. The gun was so heavy
] couldn't carry hit, so Idrug the plagued
thing through the bushes. When l got to
the pond it wasn't quite sun up. The
pond was kIvered with ducks. Boys, Pll
swear | never saw so many ducks in my
material life. l rested the gun on branch
and pulled the trigger. Gentlemen, the
0og gone thing kicked. Hit cut my lip
through, busted my snoot and kicked me
onto the head. Yes, sir, hit kilt me dead.
When | come to | was kivered with blood
and could skarcely see. | hurried to the
house quick's | could and got my face
fixed up. | was that weak that / couldn't
walk much and it was two hours af0re |
went back to the pond. I'll swear, boys,
the gun was still smokin' and a forty
acre field t'Other side the pond was xiv
cred with ducks. l wisht I'd took better
aim. / b'lieve I'd kilt all they was in
the pond"
"How many did you kill, JimP"
swell, only got seventeen hundred.
I'd got more, but some on 'em was so
badly shot up l didn't keer to bother. For
all, that gun cuttin' up so and Dustin of
me an the load hadn't gone outin' of it,
fer about week after Tom put on a
fresh cap and kilt a hawk with it five
hundred yards Off"
"What viii you take for that gun,
jump
'''Tain't for sale. Pm goin' to keep hit
ontil mex Election, and see eff l can't
make some niger Democrats with hit"
CURIOUS CIGAR.
''Thank you, that smells like a good
cigar. The poorest cigar ever smoked
was one j got at Houston some time ago.
Hit was at night. Tom aud me had been
to party, l think, and as we passed
through that place | 'cluded ! wanted a
smoke. We had plenty OF old red with
us, but no smokin' terbacker. We druV
up to the store and hollered fer the man
to come down. Hit was about midnight,
Hit was long time before could wake
him up, and when he did he was skeered
to come down. | reckon he thought we
was Ku-Klux. SOon's he found out twas
me he come down and opened the door a
crack anu asst WUdI wanted. i told
him a cigar. He handed somethln' out
and hit was so long | thought hit was a
broomhande. / told him | wanted a
cigar and SEE he: That's a cigar. and
cheap at five cents So / lit hit and rode
of. Hit was so doggoned long hit struck
agin the branches overhead and filled my
eyes full Of ashes and SIGH, scrapln' the
bark often the branches and skeerin' my
boss. broke of part and KEEP on smOkin',
but il was still too long, so KEEP brakin' of
pieces and putin ZEN In my pocket.
| When j got home ! was still smokin' and
had pocket full OF cigars. That was the
| longest cigar ] ever seed, and | was two
| hours and half gittln' nome, too"
.sWbat was 1t made of, jump
'sWhy, bear grass and wanoo bark. II it
was green, too, fer he mad made hit in the
mornin' aud tux hit in at night afore hit
was half dry"
THE GAY AND FESTIVE TEXAS PONY.
One year ago a Texas horse trader
brought lot OF the most vicious ponies
to Live Oak and disposed OF them to the
neighbOring farmers, either by purchase
or trade. Jim is always swapping horses
and he was one Of the first TO become
owner Of a pony. He had no trouble in
breaking il TO the saddle, for he is q num-
Der one h0rseman and fearless rider, but
when he came to break IL to harness be
had a regular picn c. He told us of his
troubles one day, with the same impas-
siye countenance and the change Of voice
that il part OF his natural being.
''I'Il swear, boys, them Texas ponies is
A. n.