The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1886-06-05
GEORGE w. MALARIA,
Gentleman Whose Acquaintance, Once
Made, VIII Never Be Forgotten.

Made, VIII Never Be Forgotten.
You have probably met George w.
Malaria yourself at some time or other.
If you have, you still remember him.
A very brief interview with George w.
Malaria makes an impression on one,
and leaves bitter taste in ones mouth
that don't soon wear away.
When George w. Malaria knocks
you over, he does not leave you to get
up again and resume your wonted
course; he sits on you; he sits on you
hard. He shakes you with emphasis,
and remains with you to see how YOU
like it. When he has seen that YOU
don't like 1t, he shakes you again.
That's the sort of unregenerate fiend
George w. Malaria is. He can get a
letter of introduction to that effect
from me any day.
Those who have studied the grand
and petty meanness and other char
acteristic traits of malaria at short
range, and charged for it, have, with
in the past three or four years, changed
their opinions in regard to his habits,
formerly advanced the opinion that
John S. Frost could lay out Mr.. Mala-
ria as fiat as buckwheat cake from
the ruins of Herculaneum in one brief
round; but Mr.. Malaria has disproved
the charge. He has shown his ability
to meet John Sullivan Frost and come
to time, either with or without gloves.
Now the long-headed doctor will tell
you, free of charge. that when the
township is showed under, and the
weather is cold enough to freeze the
milk of human kindness in your bosom,
George w. Malaria is about wearing
his summer clothes, and attending to
business as usual.
And George W. Malaria is traveller.
He is constantly visiting fresh fields and
making new acquaintances. He is met
in the most aristocratic quarters of the
cities of the North as well as by the
swamp and sluggish streams of the
South. He visits Washington and calls
on the great guns of the land, and he
spends the season at the five-dollar-a-
day summer-resorts without paving a
cent. He has fun with the high and
the low, has George W. Malaria. and
whenever he meets new acquaintance
or old friend or spring poet, and says
Shake" he makes somebody's eye
>alls jingle.
George w. Malaria excites the undi-
vided attention of the person he has
business with, and nothing less than
eighteen quinine pills as big as young
acorns will make him loose his hold
and break off the interview. And then,
very likely, he will come straight back
and BEGIN it all over again, just as if
nothing unpleasant had happened.
"What is malaria?' has often been
asked. l do not intend to answer the
question now, as am in a hurry and
an invalid; but when l become strong
straining the small of my back, 1 will
do it if | can thus be of any benefit to
my fellow-shakers. Doctors disagree
on the habits, business customs and
proper treatment of malaria; but they
are unanimously of the opinion that he
can't be successfully boycotted.
Quinine is usually prescribed to cause
an estrangement between Mr.. Malaria
and his victim; but there are times
when George w. Malaria seems to
fatten on quinine, and to be not just
himself unless he gets itregularly three
times a day before meals. L have
known him to be fed on quinine and
arsenic for months, and yet they did
not kill him. They only killed the
other fellow.
l have before me medical journal
which advises all persons who sit too
close to malaria to drink plentifully OF
hot water every morning before break
fast. The writer does not say any thing
about the other ingredients that are
usually put in hot water to make it
palatable. If he means just plain hot
water without the usual trimmings, he
might as well keep his advice for future
reference. He can't persuade many
folks to take that sort of dose. If he
had said "hot water with trimmings, "
his malaria remedy would strike almost
everybody as good idea, and they'd
wonder they hadn't thought of it them
selves long ago.
Malaria was always fond of me. 1t
has been his custom, whenever he met
me, to say "Shaken' and generally L
have shaken.
Once | stopped in town where Mr..
Malaria was having full swing. Every
body, from the Oldest inhabitant down,
knew him not wisely but too well.
But, after my arrival, they shook him
off, by superhuman effort, | suppose,
and he came round and devoted his
whole time and attention to me. l alone
bought my quinine by the pound, and
when the townspeople knew that | had
absorbed the entire devotion of malaria,
and was, as long as | stayed, a sort OF
malaria safety-rod for the community,
they were wild to have me stay with
them permanently. In order to get
away from the town without starting a
riot, had to lower my valise with a
cord from the window of my boarding
house and climb down the lightning
rod in the still small hours of a moon