Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-05-20
what Did You Say, Sir?

P~OP'S'
What Did You Say, Sir?
4 young man possessing brilliant
mind, a large heart and tender con-
science, coupled with a soft and pecu-
liar fondness for county officers and
offices, has taken up the cadgel in
their defense and vindication. and al
though, having as he says, very
large amount of respect and rover
ence for old people, he proceeds to
| whack us over the head in manner
beautiful to witness.
That was an elegant effusion,
! Young Man, and we look with de-
light and admiration On the budding
genius of a mind capable of writing
so much and SO tiuently and saying SO
little. As we uncover our old gray,
ugly head in silent recognition of the
elegant diction of your style, and the
sonorous generosity of your-ah-
ah-operatlon, we are filled with Won
der only at what you intended to say.
You certainly did well. sonny, and
your friends are proud of you, but
what was it you said?
You are correct, young man our
head is but slightly sprinkled with
gray hairs and other non de plumes
which have emanated from one soil
tary brain We have gathered no
crop of hair, gray or otherwise from
our brain, and all the hair which ever
existed upon that unknown quantity
article is, so far as we know, still "thar
or tharabouts, while our visible gray
hair which has appeared to emanate
from our scalp in the good old fash
toned way, has grown gray in our eff
forts to understand just such conun-
drums as this one of yours.
You did not visit the internal re-
gions to look up the correctness of
our red hot chair report, which was
merely supposition Of ours, based
upon the theological training of our
early years, but the place that you did
visit, besides being placarded with
red hot letters of fire, was, to your
heated imagination, full of hopping,
skipping, frisking little red devils,
who were busy firing old oyster and
other cans straight at your devoted
head. Upon what sort of meat pies
doth this, our young friend feed, that
he hath such dreams as this ? Are
you suffering severe, young mai? Go,
get thee to drug shop and there
pour in upon the heat and burden of
your stronger drink, some sweetened
soda pop or ginger ale Get pre-
scription filed young man and carry
it out under your coat, for while it
may not minister to a mind deceas-
ed, the sweetened wind therein con-
tanned will aid you in those upward
starry flights OF style, wherein you
soar and soar and slide down on your
hands and knees.
Young man, if YOU put corner
stone under this beautiful temple of
yours, which you have described SO
glowingi.y. all the humanity under one
corner and III the freedom under
another, there is going to be danger
Of :, complaint entered against you
for structural weakness. TOO much |
freetio1 is as bad us not enough, and |
Il man j. cnly free TO do those things !
which work no annoyance TO others
People ought not to be free to leave
these dead things lying in the sun, or
make their back yard u refuse pile of |
varied and assorted kinds of smell, !
bat while they are SO free to do, we
shall consider ourselves free to Trowl |
about it. One of the greatest luxl-
ries of life is TO growl at what you
cannot help. and while We linger here
and continue to be ugly and mean,
we probably will continue to growl at
what we don't like, in spite Of the
young mans derisive finger pointed
at our theology, which might have
come from Confucius or the Koran
and still be good Yes, we invite our
friends TO, as usual,
GROWL.
hen the ram rains and the sun
shines and the freeze freezes,
Growl.
When all loose things tumble, :lnd
passers by gfumbie. and swear 1T
tie dust clouds that follow the
preezes. Growi
" hen everyone uttefs remarks on the
cutters and kicks 1t the tin cans
he everywhere meets
t,rowi
Growl hard at the smell. sir, and MUIR
mur, oh well sir, is this a fit
shape for our fair Colby streets /?
And Growl
When the heat gets intense and the
bad smell gets dense, and your
friends fall pray to the demon /
OF stink. Growli +
II.