The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-05-27
THE MERRY SIDE I

Texas is bowling for water. The liquor must
be too strong!
The Ladies' "watch" that keeps the most time
is the street loafer.
The "labor question" with many men is show
can live without it?
When man loans you a bicycle, may it not
be called a wheel-borrow?
It's of no use to call a man "a liar''-bocause
if he is he won't believe it.
q Too many men act as though this old world
were not going to live, anyhow.
1t is always dangerous climbing the ladder OF
Fame-there are so many sliding down.
Democratic paper calls Kennedy's Senate
"pirates." They were free-booters.
Yes, horn would do as well as a tambourine O.
but it isn't as easy to take up collection in.
No man has an "ungovernable temper u
though sometimes he can't govern il himself.
1t won't do to think everybody crazy who
shouts Often they are the shrewdest kind of
people.
What is evidently needed in portions of this
country, is q system of retroactive marriage
licenses.
"a brute in custody" is the heading of dis
patch-but it don't tell where they caught the
Senator.
The man who demanded "bread or blood, ~
concluded to compromise one ten glasses OF
whisky.
No man should be ashamed of his personal
appearance. Fine clothes are costly-but soap
is cheap.
Beware of the man who shakes your hand fol-
an excessively long time-he's hard man to
let go of.
"Many are called, but few are chosen" is an
expression which the Penitentiary Managers
are not likely to forget.
Many of the fish that find their way into mar
ket have distinguished look. At least they
are of high crank"
We are glad the President is to be married in
June-in fact he ought to have been married
long ago.
shop of Middleport man-but it was only
hunting felloe.
Fitz Hugh Lees visit to Cincinnati was badly
arranged. He should have come through on
horseback,
In the matter of re-districting the State, will
some Democrat please tell us who now rides
the dapple mare?
The Republican Legislature had merit not
possessed by its Democratic predecessor-it
went home with clean linen on.
After looking at the picture of Herr Most, no
one would think of blaming him for throwing
dynamite bombs.
The jingle of the "Salvation Tambourine" is
heard ami the Devil must bestir himself. He
is looking for Chinese gong.
81 feel" said man in n Salvation Army
meeting, "that 1 am poor, weak sinner"
"Amen!" fervently calculated an enthusiastic
brother.
The Republicans in the Ohio Legislature were
smart in one respectively permitted the DEM
ocrats to do all the acting the fool.
Bonner will not put Maud 8. on the track
again at present. He has sent to inquire the
best time made by the Ohio Senators.
Creditor-"When are you going to settle that
bill?"
Debtor-"Oh, 1 do owe you something iii
not forget it'll make NOTE of it v'
Our m1sfortunes are alway with us-no sooner
had the Democratic Senators gotten out OF
Ohio, than the Army Worms appeared.
A crank in Washington the other day stripped
naked and stood in the ro:unda of the Capital.
But he's not the first fellow who showed him.
self in Washington.
One drawback to attending night meetings of
the Salvation Army, is that fellow has to hur-
ry after the meeting is out, in order to get home
in time for breakfast.
The Mayor of Cleveland has forbidden An
archists from parading the streets. Still, if
they carry their bombs with them, it is not
likely that he will get in their way.
"Gov. Hill is pulling the ropes for 1885," says
a dispatch. Good! It's always encouraging to
hear of Democratic politician pulling rope.
So
Citizen-"Why don't you go to work ?"
Tramp-"I can't get nothin to dor'
Citizen-"Isn'tt that what you've been doing,
all your life?
Suppose, now, that every American girl should
do like frankie Folsom-run off to Europe and
refuse to have her young man until he got to
be President of the United States.
The serenading musician pursued the even
tenor of his way" until the old man came
around the corner of the house, when it was
changed to 'ifalse- set to-"
There's nothing in station. Even the King
upon his throne is not SO happy as the ragged,
barefoot boy digging in the sand with a case
knife.
At Evansville, Indiana. man was killed
in quarrel alb out white-wash brush. 1t was
something of a sacrifice, but it was well to have
the ownership of the brush settled.
There is a detachment of the Salvation Army
here, but the Commander-in-chief keeps his
headquarters over about Middleport-from
which it appears that Dumble is wickeder than
we are.
A Chattanooga paper speaking of the run
away Ohio Senators, says'running away is never
defensible" But that editor was never an Ohio
Democrat.
The Commercial Gazette suggests jeff. Davis
as a Democratic Presidential candidate. We
kick! He'd poll bigger Democratic vote than
any man in the United States.
One pleasing feature of the re-districtins
scheme is that we can take a four-tinned fork
and pitch Pike County out of this district.
A Salvation Soldier offered paper to a Jack
son doggery- -keeperT-but he didn't understand
it. She might as well have offered gilt-edged
copy of the Bible to hog.
-
A Jackson doggery-keeper thinks the Saliva
ton meetings ought to be pulled at ten o'clock