The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-11-18

THE MERRY SIDE I.

The Democratic Clubs this year seems to have
all been boomerangs.
1t is not safe to loaf around doggery. A
prudent man will not pull tigers tail.
Young MN, love may be blind, but she car
smell. Keep out of the doggeries!
-
The colored man is crawling out of the wood.
pile, in Virginia and North Carolina.
A man begins to drink for loss of appetite
but soon has nothing to satisfy it with.
*.+
An old bachelor says wives require too much
marriage-license. They want to do as they
please.
After all, a doggery-keeper helps to build VI
town. His buildings are in the cemetery
though.
A man met Texas steer, and cried "shoe
Shoe" But when he stopped he only needed q
half-so1e.
"I1l play a rubber with ycu!' says the COW
she sees the man setting out the young shade
trees.
The wants of doggery-keepera are not numer
Gus. In fact, he ouly has one. He wants youl
money.
Why say "as quick as thought?" A man acts
forcibly, many time, before he has time tc
think.
The Democrat of to-day is good deal like 6
mule-no pride in the past, and no bright hope
for the future.
The Macarthur Enquirer pied a form last week
This ought to come into general use with Dem.
ocratic papers.
1t is claimed that the smile of baby is a sign
of collie. The smile of a doggery-keeper is a
sign of the Devil.
jackson county farmer wants the town
spoatsmen to keep off his place-because they
scare the birds so.
The golden gleam in the beer-glass is the in
fernal fire reaching after your soul. Young
man, keep away from it.
While it is true that alcohol cooks the brains,
how do scientists account for the drunkenness
of some fellows who have no brains?
They do it fine, on Baking Powder, now. Buy
a fifty-cent box, and you get a big chrome, and
a whole tinware store, thrown in.
A Democratic paper heads the election re-
turns "Apathetical!" Many of them had de-
cidedly pathetical sound to Democrats
Restaurant Clerk-"Do you want SELECT oys-
ters, sir ?'
Customer-"Yes, I want those that are only
HALF rotten !"
drunkenness can be cured by using the
glC Coll odu fiSoT ant n
it can by letting liquor alone. Try it!
The Comm ercial-G Gazette says the Enquirer
has granted Allen o. Myers indefinite leave of
absence. They probably desire him to make it
definite.
Many man cannot get food at home dainty
e1fough, yet will go into doggery and fill up
on second rate garbage, and expound the glories
of the free lunch.
1t is now known that by "star-eyed goddess u
Henry Watterson means Democracy. Dtmoc-
racy has been seeing stars down about Louis
vile recently.
Bro. Lewis, of the Chillicothe Gazette com.
plains that our Office is too high. The first time
we ever knew Chillicothean to object to get
ting "high."
President Cleveland seems to think thai
newspaper Correspondents as a general thing
are liars. Even a Democrat has some discern
ment.
ssAh, this insures The Presidency in 'SS y
says our Democratic friend. He is a good dea
like the pugilist who shouted: "There, blame
you, I've broken my arm over your head; how
do you like that?"
There is no wise discrimination in the human
mind. A young man will tremble with fear O
the old mans boot, yet walk up meekly and bt
shot through the heart by the daughters smiles
+.-
A little boy says he can always tell on Satur
day nights who are members of churches. They
come around wanting dimes and nickle
changed, for Sunday contributions.
%x-
The killing of quail is quite profitable. Th
average hunter looses fifty cents worth of tim
and quarters worth of ammunition for ever,
quail. And he couldn't buy over ten or twelv
pounds of beef for the same money.
+x+
When the Democrat declared that he was "a
solid as rock,' he didn't know the little bo.
was going to shout "Thats why yer back
covered 'th moss"
'Ine sage OF GraIuerCy anu OIey yStoHe Woui'
have made a wonderful President. He coul
not write will which can be unraveled by tn
New York lawyers. They should go down +
the Tribune Office and get the key.
| The Statue of Liberty stands in New Yorl
| harbor with unlighted torch, owing to the fac
that this Government has made no approprla
ton for the light We must have it lighted
| Light it with oleomargarine!
|
Spiritualistic Professor named John Edd
gave seance at Sycamore, Illinois. The spirit
he showed the crowds were shams-but tn
kicks the crowd gave him were real. He didn
| have to call them up-they came.
| -
The local option law in Mississippi has bee
declared constitutional, by the Supreme Cour
Thus even the hogs will lose their liberty i
| that State.
| Michael Garry al election judge in Dayto
was taken before the U. s. Commissions
| charged with destroying ballot Mike was
Democrat-and drunk, and didn't see anythin
wrong in it.
'The closing of the polls in Cincinnati at
| O'Clock in the afternoon disfranchised hundred
| of Democratic voters.'-Gallipolis Bulletin.
Oh, be still! You know every Democrat /
| cincinnati gets MS vote IN Dy udyllSlt-ah
three or four of them if he isn't watched.
A brewers circular complains that the prob
bition of the liquor traffic would destroy tn
ice-market. Never mind, friends. You'll 500
be where the ice question will cease to worr
| you.
"Will you please give me ten cents to g
shaved with ?" asks the topper. But when yo
offer to pay the barber, how mad the tope
gets! He vans to get shaved on the inside.
| a
What are the great objects accomplished
| drinking? Sending your soul into tormen
and enabling great lazy loafer to live withor
work. Isn't it a sweet picture?
Death is certainly solemn occasion-but q
old sailor whom they were embalming, up
Massachusetts last week, solemnly raised u
and called for bowl of oyster-soup.