The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1886-10-23
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Why will people persist in asking
over and over again that stupid ques-
tion, Whats in a name?' Why, let
ters, of course.
Charleston certainly keeps stiff
upper lip, but what it is particularly
anxious to do is to keep stiff upper
crust Chicago Tribune.
Scene in hotel twenty-five years
hence. Guest to porter-'Can you tell
me what time it lisp" Porter-"Yes,
sir. It's half-pa twelve. That'll cost
you fifty cents, please. "-Mercbant
TrGUeLer.
FEATHER, haze We ever read that
poem ca'ed Strike the Tyre gently?' "
"No; I've neither read nor seen it, but
/ think whoever wrote it wad haze been
nearer the mark if he had said, 'Gi'e
him guild SCUM thrashing. "-Prairje
| Farmer.
There are many temptations to
profanity besetting the unwary, and
particularly those of hasty temper. '.Do
you ever swear, young man?" mo,
sir, l don't" was the reply. I'm a
proof reader. It's the other fellows
that do the swearing. ~. Y. Mail.
Wise Matron-"Yes, my son,
earnestly hope you and Miss Blank
will make match of it; L like her
exceedingly" Her son-''But Miss
Blank is such giggier" 80, she will
get over that after she's married. -
omaha World.
Young Woman-"Mr. Algernon,
can you tell me the name of that Bull
garian Prince who has lately had so
much trouble?" Dude Er-let me
think" Young Weman-"O, pray, don't
let me put you to so much trouble. -
It'd Bits.
If the plural of goose is geese, the
plural of moose should be meese-but
every hunter who ever camped in the
woods of Maine knows that it isn't
Moose hasn't any plural. A fellow
thinks himself lucky if he sees one
Cambridge Chronicle.
The reason the cranks are crowd
ing the Niagara Falls in such lively
way is because of the statement that
the falls will entirely disappear at the
end of twenty-five centuries. They
want to get in their exploits before it is
TOO late.-DetrOt Free Press.
-Maud-"Ma, what kind of bios
som is a gin-blossom? Is it like
iaisy?" Materfamilias -''What silly
question! But why doyou ask, Maud?"
Maud cause l heard Mr.. Mugs say
to-day that pa had the largest gin-blos-
som in the ward, and it was daisy"
The Judge.
| -Bagley What's the matter, Pom
sonby?" Ponsonby-''Got a bad cold
N my head. 1t surprises me-" you
mean it eXasperates you" "No-sur-
prises. / wonder it didn't go to my
lungs. They say cold always goes to
the weakest part" $50 it does. Yet
you are surprised that it went to your
head. Dear me" Philadelphia Cal.
-Conductor-''Just my luck. Jack
pulled out ahead of me with four pairs
Of spectacles aboard, and | haven't got
one" Passenger-''What do you want
specialized passengers forP Are they
luckvP" Conductor Don't know
anything about that; but I've got three
plugged quarters to work off this trip,
and it's only near-sighted people that
is taking EN- nowadays. Chicago Inter
| Ocean.
Over the back yard fence: al say,
do you know the Sh ftlesses are going
70 move this springr' mo; are they,
thought Well, am glad. They have
made the street by-word." Eyes,
but then Mrs. Shiftless has fallen heir
to S45, 900, and she has bought an ele-
giant house" go, 1 always liked her;
but her young ones--well, they're real
kind o cunning after all, ~ Y.
! Graphie,