davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
GENERAL AND ORIrICULAR.

Scene on the Avenue. Two spring dulles
in very loud clothes.
First DUde--"Aw, Cholly, ii, you know
that hawwid, vulgah wetch, Tom Bivensn
Second Dude "Yaas, should say | did.
Don't you know, he makes me wcnwy with
his vulgah remarks. Has he been hurting
youah feelings, me boyg"
First Dude-"Yaas, he has. met him a
few minutes ago, don't you know, and, in
fwiendly spirwit, | meahly awsked him
what he thought Of me new spwing suit,
don't you know"
Second Dude-"And what did the wctch
weplyt"
First Dude--"IIo looked me ovah veal
caihfully, don't you know, aul then in a
loud voice he awsked me II he couldn't
hiah me just as | stood faw fab alawm,
don't you know"
The Current Of Chicago announces that It
"is on the right and honest side OF nearly
all questions" The climax of such candor
can only be capped by the Current stating
which questions 1t is not on the "right and
honest siden Of.
Senator jackson of Tennessee having
been appointed U. s. Circuit Judge, Con.
gresham McMillin has run a lightning rod
up his spinal column and out at the top OF
his hat to prevent accidents In case the
lightning should strike him. The NJ. G.
would look very well as dignined
Senator.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13

Government be placed In position
fraught with such possibilities Of loss2
A frcshet in the river might esult in
a catastrophe involving dana es fifty
times over the amount Of the most OK.
travagant claim the Kidwell estate Is
ever likely to put In. To run any risk
of losing what the Government has al
ready spent on this Improvement is
little short Of criminality.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13

THE New York Coaching Club, q
most distinguo association of Anglo.
maniacs, Is preparing for its regular
spring parade. The unctuous society
writers on the New York press assure
us that the coming parade will oxtin
guish all of It's predecessors in mag
niflccnce and gaudiness. The gentle
men drivers" have new rigs and the
dudes and dudnes who will ornament
the tops of the coaches, to be stared at
by other dudes and dudincs, will be
gorgeous in frocks and trousers. The
only drawback to the enjoyment of
these great people is the fact that com
mon people can gaze on them il they
so desire. With such highly useful
concerns in this country as the New
York Coaching Club and its acccs-
sories, the republic may be considered
safe,
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13

INC ftiNtu thls morning urges a new extra
dition treaty with Canada, the existing one
covering only seven offenses where it should
be made to.cover at least thirty.
The TriJuae says that "the bill which SEN
ator Sherman wishes to substitute for the
House Labor Arbitration bill will not accom-
plsh the object aimed at by the original
measure. II would provide an excellent com.
mission to investigate the present labor
troubles this summer and report next winter.
But II such investigation Is desirable, why
should II not proceed side by side with the
operation of Il law providing means for arbi-
tration when II is wantedi"
The Word considers "the effort to have the
investigation Of the Union Pacific Railroad
Company conducted by the Interior Depart.
ment instead of by a Congressional commit
tee Is a shallow attempt at evasion. IL is Con-
gress that must act in the premises and 1t Is
Congress that wants the information"
The star says; "Tho great agricultural
States OF the West are In earnest In ther de-
termination to secure "a reduction of tariff
taxation. The two sections Of the country
appear in Congress at the Same moment. One
asks for money for fortlicatons and for
HdNy--lbI utlcuStt lHc bthSl uSho lpE Etlcl
from unjust taxation. The two ought 10 unite
in each request It is unfortunate that they
do not"
The Times thinks Senator sherman's amend
ment to the Arbitration BILL providing for a
permanent investigatin commission for labor
troubles open to grave objections and not
worth considering. II approves the erection
of new Executive Mansion for the Presi-
dents private residence.
The Sun says; "It is not too late for the
President to put himself into sympathy with
his party and 10 recover much OF his lost op-
portunity. II Is important that he should do
so before the fall elections; but he cannot do
so until he gives up the theory that in case
of difference Of opinion between him and
the party, 1t Is always the party that must
give in."
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13

The cable this morning says that the
proceedings in the House of Commons
last night were unimportant, dull and
disappointing. Lord Randolph Church
i'll took the principal part in the debate.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13

II there is no other course left, and
the action of the House yesterday
would seem to so indicate, the Govern
ment should proceed to a condemna-
tion of the Kidwell property. To stop
appropriations for the continued i'm
provement of the Potomac flats is the
most unwise and unbusinesslike course
that could possibly be taken, There
isn't sane man in the House of Rep
resentatives who would apply such a
principle to the conduct of his own in
diyidual affairs; and why should the
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
FOR RENT--.HOuSES.

TOR RENT-Furnished Residence in
Il Alexandria; fine location; convenient to
trains; IL rooms, range and heaters. For
terms apply to ii X. r., Box 295, Alexandria,
Va. References exchanged.
EOR RENT-Five and Six Room
Il new houses, on 12th st o. on 10Th st W,
and on Washington Circle Apply at 1903 18th
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
FOR RENT...ROoMS.

advertisements Of Three Lines under this head
Inserted three times for 25 cents.
EOR RENT-FurnishedR Rooms, SIM
I gle or en- suite; no objections to chill
dren; summer prices. Apply at 5lS 10th ST n W,
Forsyth Cafe.
EOR RENTS Unfurnished Rooms
Il on second floor, suitable for housekeep-
ing; rent cheap. 141Sl1 Mass. ave W.
LNOR RENT-HandsOme Bay-Window
Il front rooms, furnished or unfurnished;
corner house; windows on east park; con
venient to Govt Printing Office; prices mode
rate. 1871 E st c.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
Millinery,

Which has been carefully selected. A choice
and rich assortment of correct styles In Fine
Millinery Goods, we are offering very unusual
inducements with this object In view-of
pushing the sales to the highest possible fig
urc, and to pack this department with Gus
toners from morning until night, and we pos
tively believe that prices have been made
throughout that will speedily attain that re-
suit.
Attention Is specially invited to our great
assortment of
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
THE NEW YORK PRESS.

The Herald this morning urges new extra
dition treaty with Canada, the existing one
covering only seven offenses where it should
be made to.cover at least thirty.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
LECTURE 6.

I ECTURE.--Rev. Robert Nodrsc, ID.
L. ID. John and Jonathan" England
and America" For the benefit of the Metro
rolitan Industrial School, ut Wesley Chapel,
Wednesday, April II, at = y. m. Good music
before the lecture. Tickets ut Ellis, Pur-
sells and Temple Hotel.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
Straw BOnnets & Round Hats

of English, French and American manurac.
ture, comprising all the latest styles In Milan,
Satin, Lace and Fancy Braids Of every de.
scripton.
Tulips Straw Bonnets, all colors and
shapes, ijc. Entirely new style Of Straw
Braid.
Beaded Bonnets in all colors and shapes.
Special importation Of French Flowers and
Fancy Feathers.
New designs in ostrich and Fancy Pompons.
$40 BUNCHES DUPLEX FRENCH HEADS,
OSTRICH TIPS, 30c. ALL CoLORS.
Choice assortment of Beaded Birds, Wings
and Ornaments.
English Crepes in all the latest shades.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13

The stock we have displayed for the Spring
of 1856 is the largest and handsomest that
ever graced the counters of any one house.
Everything you may possibly look for in the
way of
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
iI,nE ORATOR AND SCHOLAR,

FL'hE OKATO1t AND SClObANy
l. HON. GEO. II. WENDLING,
VIII deliver two lectures In the
CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH.
us Death the EndY' Tuesday Eve'g, April IL.
Reserved seats at Ellis & Co.'S. sos.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
%ANJEU SITUATIONS,

Advertisements Of Thrte Lines apder His head
inserted three times for % cents.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
PERSONAL.

y ~ ~ y N-~N-N-~~N
M HO is SAM?-Bc is the DIscoverer
w and manufacturer of Nichols Vege-
table Hair Preserving Lotion; % cents q bot.
tie, at barbershop In U. $. Patent Ohlce and
laboratory, 633 Ii stne
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13

BUSINESS GENTLEMAN OF Expe-
IA rlence, with highest testimonials as to
character and ability. desires lady partner In
nice business constantly growing In this city;
Department clerkess with some means. q
d. Critic Office.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13

l.. KERVAND, 1919 Penna. Ave.
~ Engraving plate, 81; 80 cards from
same plate, 45c.; 100 cards printed from plate,
15c,
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
g IOHN'S" RESTAURANT,
q SAM ORRISON, PROP.

FormerIy OF Leesburg, Val,
Corner Seventh and ID streets northwest.
II IL famous for its choice oysters, Terra
pin, Fish, Game, Wines. Liquors and Cigars.
The establishment has been remodeled re-
fitted, restocked and In complete running
specialty
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
CHAS. FLEIsCHNIANN'S

CHAS. FLEISCHMANN'S
" Ladies' and Gents Cafe,
1l10 Pa. ave, opposite Wizards Hotel.
Meals and luncheon at all hours. open
the week or month. Oysters In all styles.
Omen SUNDAYS.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13

T ADIES' HAIR DRESSING, CUT
IL ting and shampooing, at Nine. Demon
geot's Human Hair and Perfumery store, 90G
+ st n W, opposite Masonic Temple.
7 TEANNERET'S Hair EmpOrIun-Iu-
- man hair and toilet goods. Ladies' hair
dressing and cutting. Ne cor Il and 18th SITS.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
JOB PRINTING.
BUSINESS CHANCES.

A GENTLEMAN OR LADY, with
IA $1,000, can make fortune In n short
time. Address NEW ENTERPRISE, Critic
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13

Sale of season tickets begins Tuesday,
April 0, and single nights on Friday, the 9th,
at Ellis music store, 937 Penna ave.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13

TOR RENT-By May 1, II 7-ROOm
Il brick house, furnished, to or adults;
no small children, 323 1st st $ @, near Capitol.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13

COME TO "THE HUB asi Seventh
- st W, for bargains IN Fine Ready.Mtdo
Clothing, Hats and Furnishing Goods.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13

HELDON'S MAY BALL, Masonic
- Temple, May IL. Invitations at Academy,
1904 st. Glasses continue until last of May.
CCIENTIFIC ana Effective Sparring.
by Prof j. @. Collins, at his residence, 70d I'd
st II W. Lessons In dumb.bell and Indian
club exercises also taught.
The Washington critic., 1886-04-13
For RENT
THE NEW POST BUILDING.

FoR RE! REST.Unfnrnished n I'm, i Gem, G9mmuni- n, z i.
order; bath and heat; reasonable rent. 1881
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23
Professional Etiauette

prevents some doctors from advertising
heir skill, but we are bound by no such
conventional rules. and think that if we
make discovery that is of benefit to our
elbows, we ought to spread the fact to the
whole land. Therefore we cause to be pub
lished throughout the land the fact that
DR.. r. V. Pierce's "Golden Medical Dis
covery" is the best known remedy for con-
sumption (scrofula of the lungsj and kin
dred diseases. Send two stamps for DIR.
Pierce's complete treatise on consumption,
with unsurpassed means of self-treatment.
Address, Worlds Dispcnsary Medical As
,ociation. Buffalo, N. Y.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23
Intelligence of the Blind.

The German Bible for the blind costs
twenty-five dollars, aud consists of no
fewer than sixty-four volumes. This is
owing to the fact that the letters have
to be very large, that they are in haut-
relief, and can therefore be printed on
one side only. and that the paper must
be very thick. Some of the blind can
read five or six hours without being fa-
tigued. They use both hands in read
ing. the right foreiinger being used
chiefly to separate the words and sylla-
bles. while the left foreiinger recognizes
the word by itself. The use of both
hands thus enables the blind. after some
practice. to read quite as fast as per
son who can see. They can also write,
cipher. play chess and checkers. mu-
steal instruments. etc. In Hamburg
there lives blind man who can find
alone any street in the city or suburbs.
He avoids collisions by means of the inn
pressions which an approaching person
makes on his nerves of touch in the
face, and especially on the eye. One
day he made an expedition on an I'M
known road. sixteen miles long. and
had no other accident than the humilia-
ton of having asked his way Of horse.
On the ice. blind skaters seldom collide.
being guided by their acute sense Of
hearing.-N y. Post.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23
PERcHERoN HORSES.

What the Commissioner Of Agriculture
Said OF Percheron Horses.
Hon. George b Loring, Commission
er of Agriculture of the United States.
having promised to meet with the Perch
eron Horse Breeders of America, at
Chicago. Nov Is, 1883, telegraphed as
follows: al regret exceedingly my in
ability to be with you Am heartily in
sympathy with your position. Physi-
clan positively forbids my leaving the
house. My disappointment is greater
than yours. The Percherons are recog-
nized as distinct breed in France, and
are entitled to Stud Book there and in
this country as much as thorough breds,
and as much as any breed of cattle to a
herd book. Their introduction has
greatly improved the farm and draft
horses of this country, and will, un-
doubtedly. improve the large carriage
and omnibus horses. think the pub
LEGATION of Stud Book in both countries
will ultimately, in this case as in all
others, add greatly to the future value
of the breed" 1t is gratifying to know
similar sentiments are entertained by
some of the prominent importers, nota-
bly, among them, Mr.. Nj. w. Durham,
of Wayne, Illinois. who, buying none
but pedigreed stock, has done more to-
ward the introduction of che finest types
of the breed than, we might almost
say, all other men, having imported
nearly 1000 since 1872.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23

-Sleeplessness caused by too much
blood in the head may be overcome by
applying cloth wet with cold water to
the back of the neck--N Y. Sun.
-Quince cheese is marmalade boiled
down very thick, packed into small pots.
1t will turn out firm as cheese, and can
be cut in slices for luncheon or tea.-Ihe
Caterer.
Nut Cake: Two-thirds of cup OF
butter. two cups of sugar. three eggs,
one cup of milk. three Of flour, two tea
spoonfuls of baking powder. one cup of
hickory nut meats chopped fine. This
makes two layers: frost, and lay on
halves of English walnuts. The House
hold.
Worms ought not to be allowed to
get into the pots. The best way to drive
them out. or kill them in the pots. is to
water the plants with clear lime-water.
They will come to the top and die, or
they will not be able to do 80 and will
underground.-N e. Farmer.
Great care should be exercised in
keeping the COW pasture entirely free
from rag weeds. These weeds impart
a peculiarly disgusting, bitter taste to
the milk of the COWS which eat them,
and the butter made from such milk 10
also impregnated with the same pecu.
liar taste.-Detroit, Post.
The soft or poor heads OF cabbage
stored by themselves. probably are the
cheapest and most easily obtained
green food for poultry during the win
ter. Two or three heads hung so that
the fowls can easily reach them around
the sides of their coop, and renewed
when necessary. will repay the trouble.
-Boston Globe.
1t is common notion that to have
finely colored and sweet grapes one
must cut off all the leaves above them
and expose the fruit directly and fully
to the sun. Those who try this method
once win never repeat it. Leaves
above and beyond the fruit are always
necessary to the production of good
fruit. -Chicdgo journal.
Cream Pie: Cake Three eggs, one
cup of sugar, one cup Of flour, one tea
spooful OF yeast powder or baking
powder. aud tablespoonful of hot
water. the last thing. Beat the eggs
and sugar to- cream. then add hot
water and flour. Bake in three layers.
in hot oven. Cream for inside: One
pint of milk; put it on to boil. beat an
egg with tablespoonful of cornstarch.
and stir in; sweeten to taste; let it boil
up thick; favor with vanilla. and spread
on the layers of cake.-B Boston Budget.
For grape butter, stew the grapes
and squeeze out each pulp from the
skin. removing the seeds; keep the
skins in small thin bag; to each pound
of pulp allow one pound of sugar. half
pint of cider vinegar. teaspoonful OF
cloves. one of cinnamon and one OF
nutmeg; boil this very slowly. putting
in the bag of skins tied securely; when
it jellies by dropping in cold water it is
done. Put away in jars; for an orna-
mental dish it can be heated over aud
put into molds to jelly Chicago Times.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23
CRABS AND OYSTERS.

New York Gourmands Who Don't Know
Good Thing When They See 1t.
New Workers consider that they know
more about good things to eat than any
people in the world. The fact is. they
know less. New York itself produces
singularly few of the choicest table deli
cacies. Now, much ado is made over
softshell crabs in New York. and the
New York gourmands gobble mp the
pasteboard things sold as soft crabs and
think they are delicious. The truth is
the flavor of the soft crab is so delicate
that it is at once ruined by being put
on ice. the destroyer of all flavors. The
softshell. when he leaves his native
river. is a fascinating fellow, with a
charming saltish taste. Take him up
to New York and keep him on ice
twelve hours and he is the most taste
less thing that can be imagined. 1t re-
uuires as much salt as there was in Lots
wife to make him eatable His outside
is all right, but his inside is o dismal
failure But the connoisseurs of New
York exult over this melancholy
shadow of the crap, in happy ignorance
that the soul. the spirit, the je nesias
quoi. the essence, the spiritual part of
the soft crab is gone to return no more.
They eat their Blue Point and Saddle
Rock oysters. forgetting that the oyster
loathes civilization, and that the near
ness of great city demoralizes it be-
yrnd repair. 1t is only in the virgin
,ters Of Maryland and Virginia that
oyster is really found.-N Y Nsil
aud Erprcss.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23

A x>OW Mug On S1AO AAAkOAA0t
"Malaria," as popular ailment," has
given place to q new potentate.
If you have Rheumatism now, the medi-
cal wiseacres exclaim-" Uric Acid"l
If you have frequent headaches, they
sagely remark Uric Acid"l
II you have softening of the brain, they
insist that it is-"U Uric Acid"i
II Sciatica or Neuralgia make life mis-
cradle, it is" Uric Acid"l
II your skin breaks out in Boils and
Pimples, it is" Uric Acid"l
If you have Assesses and piles, " Uric
Acid" has set your blood on fire.
II you have dull, languid feelings, back
ache, kidney or bladder troubles, govt,
gravel, poor blood; are i'll at ease, threat
ened with paralysis Or apoplexy, vertigo;
peptic-" Uric Acid' Is the key to the sfti-
alton, the cause of all your dificultiesl
We do not know as madam Malaria viii
take kindly to this Masculine Usurper, but
he has evidently come to stay.
"Uric Acid, "1this Monsters is the pro-
duct of the decomposition-deat
stantly taking place within US, and unless
he Is every day routed from the system
though the kidneys, by means Of some
great blood specific like Warmers SAFE
cure, which Senator B. K. Bruce say
snatched him from its grasp, there Is no
the least doubt but that it will utterly ruiz
the strongest human constitutional
1t is not young fellow by any means
It has long and well-known line of an.
cestors. 1t is undoubtedly the father of .
very great family of diseases, and though
it may be the fashion to ascribe progeny
to it that are not directly its own, there
can be little doubt that If IL once gets thor
oughly seated in the human system, i
really does introduce into it most of tht
ailments now, per force of fashion, attrib
uted to its baleful influence.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23

Tn voLrAIc BELr Co, Of Marshall, Mloh.s
offer to send their celebrated ELECrRo- Vol
fAIC BELT and other ELECTRIC APPLIANCES
on trial for 30 days. to men tyoung or old)
fly and all kindred troubles. Also for rheu.
matism, neuralgia, paralysis and many 9th.
or diseases. Complete restoration to health,
vigor and manhood guaranteed. No risk in.
CURED, as 30 days. trial is allowed. Write
them atonce for illustrated pamphlet, FREQ.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23

--Caccres' raid in New Mexico, few
months ago, was headed in tina :Cour-
ant. of Edinburgh, 1.-The Indians up
rising in the United States. ~ The &C
count which followed was about as
sensational as the heading.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23

A LITTLE colored boy went to butchers
stall in Austin and said TO the butcher
81 say, boss, glib me little chunk of meat
for our dog" 'All right, black face and
shiny eye," said the butcher good.
naturedIy. Eyes, boss, but don't Glib me
such a tuff piece as yer did las time. Fad.
der most broke his jaw tryin' ter chew hit
TEXAS Sittin1s. -
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23

COMPOSED Of Smart-Weed, Jamaica
Ginger, Camphor Water and best French
Brandy, DIR. Pierce's Extract Of Smart
Weed is the best remedy for diarrhoea,
cholera morbus, dysentery or bloody -dux,
collie or cramps, and to break up colds.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23

SOME men are always ready to offer q
remedy for everything. The other day we
remarked to one of these animated apoth-
ecary shops: IAN idea struck us"-and
before we could finish he advised Us to rub
fo5D1 Herald
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23

1t requires great deal of labor to
run large vineyard. The proprietor
of q four hundred acre raisin vineyard
in California employs a force of one
hundred and twenty men to pick the
grapes and requires them for three
months. The pay roll is $500 q
month.-SGn Francisco Call.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23
CONT AGI0US !!

I am native Of England. and while was in thao
country contracted terrible blood poison and for
two years was under treatment outdoor patient
ct nottingham Hospital. England. but was not cured
suffered the most agonizing pains In my bones and
was covered with sores oil over my body and limbs.
Finally completely lost all hope in that country and
sailed for America and was treated ct Roosevelt In
this city. well by prominent physician In New
York having no connection with the hospitals.
/ saw the advertisements Of Swift's SPECIFIC, and
can say with great Joy that they have cured me
tirely. am a. sound and well az I ever vas in my
life. L. FRED HALFORD.
New York City. June IA isSS.
Treatise on Blood sne Skin Diseases mailed free.
THE swirl srsouYIo Co., Drawer Atlanta. Go
n. Y Isl w. sd Street.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23

$50 Secret, involuntaryidrain upon
the system cured in thirty days. PAM
phlet giving particulars. three letter
stamps. Address, Worlds Dispensary
Medical Association, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23

RUsKIN won't come to America becaus
we have no ancient ruins. That's trih
to kick about Let him raze on the stores
which don't Observation-Disclosures Free Press
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23

AT the breakfast table this morning
For astonishei his fellow boardcrs by
asking for a special-delivery stamp. Hs
wanted to tev il ON the pepper box. Dos
ton Transcript.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-01-23

IT is the woman unhappily married wh
would recall her Miss spent life.-N
Picdyune.