davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
Not Birds of Feather.
Albany Argus.

Mention of athletic sports suggests r..
K. Fox, whose name appears frequently
as stake holder and prize giVer. He has
just concluded not to die yet, although
for month or two the outlook was the
other way. If he had died he would have
left fortune of half million SO wicked
ly obtained, as many readers will think,
that his future state would not have been
con- ectural. He bought The Police Ga
zette for $500 when it was about to stop,
revived it by means of making hobby
of the ruder pastimes; and has in seven
years made fortune not to be ashamed of.
But he isn't abashed, and his building,
emblazoned with immense signs, stands,
directly across Franklin square from the
Harpers Brothers. Needless to say, there
is little sympathetic intercourse between
the two concerns.
George William Curtis, editor of Har-
per's Weekly, and Fox, of The Police Ga
zette, may we'll be regarded as the anti
pOdes of journalism.
was once aboard of a Staten Island
train when they sat in adjoining seats.
With Fox was Kenward Philip, of his staff,
whose death has been followed by many
anecdotes of waggery.
II beg your pardon" said Philip, very
politely touching Curtis on the arm, "but
let me introduce you to a neighbor and
fellow journalist Though rivals in bust
ness, you ought to know each other pleas
antly."
Curtis turned round, saw well-dressed
neutrality-suspicious. man, to whom he ex
tended his hand.
''And who is it that have the pleasure
of knowing" he asked in his characters
l. l.
sponded Philip, in equal courtliness. 'We
are going to a scrapping match not more
tnan mile or two from your residence,
and would be delighted to have you go
| along"
The conversation ended right then and
there.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
Material for Leater Medals.
Texas Siftings.

There are quite a number of anecdotes
about Sam Houston that have never yet
been published. Among them the follow
ing:
In the discussions of the Texas congress
frequent illusions would be made to Hous-
ton, which were very far from being fiat
tering. His early life among the Indians
was an armory from which many pois-
oned arrow was drawn. On one occasion,
while Houston was president, he asked the
secretary:
well, what did you have to say about
me to-day?"
THE secretary replied
1.-The same old story, general; all about
that breech cloth"
L WISH" retorted Houston, they d
leave that breech-cloth alone. l want to
use it myself. | want to have one part
of it cut into leather medals for those
miserable cusses that talk so much about
If :"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
RETURN.

Tho world is halt forgetful of the snow,
And all unheeding Of the Winters way
With wind and sleet across the hills OF gray
Lol he has gone, and April does not know,
Coming her path with gimmering feet and free,
To what dark sunderland Of dreams and night
His steps have passed, needless Of that new
light
Which floods the earth from sea to sea-
Singing she comes; and Hope is one with her
Hope of new joy in tender leaves that stir
ALI tender thoughts. And Love is swift to bring
To these fair days fair promise of her spring.
Pan is not dead. Within the fir woods shade,
BY heron haunted lakes when days are fair,
Blithe rustic notes, far filling all the air,
On magic woodland pipes again are played.
And mingliDg music of thousand lives
Within her lengthehipg train, fair April brings
Up the South wind the birds On swiftening
wings
AS thick as summer bees from nurmurous hives
The clear triumphant song of mounting lark.
Soft twitteriHg CT the swallows in the dark
Before the dawn creeps over sea and plain,
And the low note OF thrush through quiet rain.
-lJuliet @. Marsh, in Harper's Magazine.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
A 0ne-Sided Campaign
Estellina (Dakota) Bell

YES" said a defeated candidate for the
Dekota legislature just after election, Il
would have been elected if my opponent
had done the fair thing. He beat me by
stopping to measures that [ would not
employ
How was that?" asked a friend.
"Why, he didn't say that I had to leave
the states on account of some irregularity
in connection of some insurance matter
He failed to make the usual charge that ]
had Away borne bad reputation and was
once tarred and feathered. He didn't
even claim that was dishonest and an
unsafe man to trust with the weighty af-
fairs connected with our government. ]
made all these charges and he was of
course elected. 1t was a mean, cowardly
cowardly advantage to take of me and
one unknown in territorial politics. ]
think when the people fully understand
the trick they will begin to feel as [ do
about it.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
An Old Story Told Anew.
Harrison (Ga). Banner.

1t is said that when a blushing maiden
of fifteen summers is told by her fond
mother that young man wishes to see
her in the parlor, with an air of limo
cence she asks, What is it mother?"
Then at Is years of age, with the same
announcement, with an air of dignity she
inquiries, "Who is he, mother?" But at
the modest age of %, with an eagernesss
that is almost boisterous, she inquiries,
where is he, MAJ" This is given as the
stages in a young woman's matrimonial
history from blushing innocence to that
period where with her it is anybody,
LOrd!'
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29

munity could stand such work no longer
and one dark night the distillery was lev
eled to the ground. The old captain
there, was promptly, and fully paid for
his loss in fact, much more than the
property was worth but he soon drank
up the money, as well as the rest of his
property, and he and his descendant are
here to-day"
II am a man of the world, and have
seen something of the ill-effects of rum
in my day, especially in the various
forms that come across ones path in a
great city, but not exactly in this light
said Mr.. Isham, as he and farmer Stod-
dard were driving hOmeward. II like
this old town, however, and really want to
do something to benefit it in the way of
business
'Build cheese factory" suggested Mr..
Stoddard.
"Good," cried Mr.. Isham. "And what
is more, will start a vinegar-making es-
tablishment. Your rich Vermont cheese
and cider vinegar will find a ready mar
ket in New York"
And so to-day the precious cereals that
are raised in the fertile meadows and
plains in the town of W, feed the
sleek, JunO-eyed COWS that Craze on the
rich pasture-felds of its hillsides, and the
milk goes into the best of cheese; while
the cart-loads of apples that were former
ly left in decay in the large orchards, are
utilized by the vinegar factory. The far
mers are more prosperous than ever, and
bless the day that the wealthy New York
merchant first came to pass his summer
there, and put a little vim into them,
withal. They are also thankful for good
Farmer StOddard's instrumentality in
raising Mr.. Isham's business project for
their benefit.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
Booming His Circulation in Arcadia.
New York EVANGELIST

The only influence which can penetrate
these sylvan shades (the Louisiana hayous)
Is the omnipresent newspaper, and how it
may lind its way here l learned from
Major Burke of the Times Democrat. TO
whom New Orleans is indebted for its
great exhibition. He once took Mr.. Dana
and Mr.. Dorsheimer up the bayou In his
private launch, which he told me he had
built for business purpose, viz: to run
up all these bayous to canvass for his
paper. He put aboard of it half dozen
of his brightest reporters and mounted
cannon on the forward deck. As soon as
it came in sight of village it banged
away, which woke up the sleepy inhabi-
tants, who rushed down to the landing to
see what was the matter, while the daugh-
tiers of the village came hocking behind
These were welcomed on board and maid
ems and reporters were soon whirling In
dance. Of course the boys gave marvel
lous descriptions of the village, as the
most delicious retreat in the shadow of
the forest primeval, spot too sweet and
mon men, but which was occupied by
simple pastoral race, whose virtues were
in harmony with the natural beauty of the
scenes amid which they dwelt. This
brought down the supplemented Arcad-
ians, and the proprietor raked in large
addition to the subscribers to his paper,
which soon attained an immense circula-
ton! This was a degree of enterprise
which the most ingenious Yankee could
not equal.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
\
Notifying the Flesh.
PHILADELPHIA News.

whats the gamer" asked congress
man last night, who hadn't attended
meeting of the poker club for several
weeks.
Scent ante; five cents limit" replied
the banker.
''What? No more'n that? What's the
row." rapidly questioned the astonished
member.
cts Lent" solemnly responded the
dealer.
"Oh," said the congressman, Il forgot"
and he got up and went away.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
Musical Item.

A fashionable young man has acquired
considerable fame as a musical bore on
the violin. One night at social gather
ing he announced that he was going to
send for violin and draw few of Beeth-
ovens immortal symphonies out of it by
the TAIL as it were. To his amazement
all the gentlemen present volunteered to
go for the fiddle, and up to date none of
them have got back with it. For disper-
sing crowd no implement of war has
yet been invented to rival the fiddle.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
All Arranged.
New York Sun.

First Sport-Has a fight been fixed be-
tween Sullivan and Smith?
Second Sport-Yes, two of 'em. The
first for $4,000 and championship of the
world, bare knuckles, to a finish. The
second is with soft gloves, six rounds.
Two-thirds of the gate money goes to the
winner.
First Sport-Where is the first to be
fought:
Second Sport-In the newspapers.
First Sport-And the second?
Second Sport-MadisOn Square Garden.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
Grandfather's School Da vs..

At the semi-centennial celebration of
the city of Lowell one the speakers relat-
ed some of the school punishments of old
en- times. One of these punishments was
to require unruly boys to seize a long
iron staple fastened to the ceiling and
hang upon it with no other support; an
other to hold out heavy books horizontal
ly; another to stoop down and with the
finger to hold down a nail in the floor;
another to have clothes-pins put astride
his nose; another to sit upon pointed
sticks. One schoolmaster, Basset, provid-
ed ten or twelve stools of penitence, and
would frequently have them all filled with
boys, who were compelled in sitting
posture to balance themselves upon the
sharp ends Of these sticks. which were
cone-shaped and about one foot high.
This was in the good old times.
The English sparrow is the hefdic
among the vehicles of the air.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
Pulitzer and the Blaine Campaign.

First-The statement that Mr.. Pulitz-
er's check for $4,000 was among the cam
paign funds of the republican national
committee in 1884" is a lunatic lie, totally
devoid of foundation World.
Nevertheless, it is solemn fact that in
1884 the republican national committee
had among their campaign funds Mr..
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
A Story of Kenward.
Cor. Albany Argus.

New York journalists are inclined to
resent the exploits of Kenward Philip.
He was exponent of an element in metO-
politan newspaper life that has diminish
ed so rapidly during the past decade that
we may hope for its entire extlntlOn
within ten years more. If [ add one true
story of the many already published it is
with a view to illustrating his character
cOmprehensively. He was impoverished
and thirsty one evening. A project for
abundant drinks struck him as he passed
theater where a certain star was play
ing. He sought the actor, professed a
lively interest in that evenings trial of a
new drama, and proffered his services to
influence the critics favorably.
'Al I PROPOSE" he blandly said, lis to
greet my press acquaintance in the cor
ridor, chat about your play as your agent
and invite them to drink with me. 1t
won't cost you anything except mod
est bill at the bar"
The actor thereupOn gave an order at
the bar that Philips hospitality to any of
the leading critics should be permitted to
the extent of bottle of champagne each
and he took the precautiOn to detail a
person to identify the men to be treated,
for he had heard of Philip. Well, the
dry but glib tongue of the trickster plaus-
IDLY assailed one after another Of the
critics on the list, but their excuses de-
prived him of the expected reward Of his
earnest endeauor. Discouraged and des-
perate, he at length said to one who had
declined his invitation to imbibe with the
management: For heavens sake, my
dear fellow, don't let me die of thirst in
the desert. Assist me to to the oasis, >
and he explained the situation so plain
lively that the acquaintance complied for
charity sake.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
The Small Boy.
Boston transcript.

Mamma" said the small boy, in the
words but not precisely in the spirit OF
Flanagan. of Texas. "What are we here
for?"
'Here' for?.' she rejOined vaguely.
Yes. Why did God give US arms and
legs and fingers and eyes and noses and
put US here?"
''Why, my dear, you know. To serve
God and glorify Him forever"
''What'ts forever"
'Here and hereafter
''Where's hereafter?"
The small boy went to bed.
Had an Important Engagement.
Detroit Free Press
rs it something more about Jake p
asked the sergeant at the Woodbridge
street station yesterday as Mr.. Dunder en-
tered.
Eyes, it vhas aboudt Shake. I pellet
dot boy prings oop in shtate prison pooty
queek.'
whats up now"
.'Vhell, hat trent whe vhas poor
und hat a hardt time to get along. A few
days ago I tells him dot he should puy a
lottery ticket, und maybe he hits a big
prize. He puys one right off, und [ doan'
see him again till last night. Den he
comes in my place und vhas wildt. He
kick some chairs oafer, bang der tables,
und cries oudt:
"'Look at dis telegram! vhas mott
fie1 dot I draws $4,000! Eaferybody
come oop und drink NIT met! Hurrah!
but l vhas der happiest Dutchman in De-
trOit!
''Vhell, eaferybody vhas reioiced, you
see, und dot lucky man tells me to set 'em
oop for der crowd. More ash one hun
dred men ind poys drink my peer ind
schmoke my cigars, und der goose Who's
hanging high when my wife calls me out
und says:
Il don't know What ais our Shake. He
goes to bedt half an hour ago, und hears
him laugh like he vhas crazy. Maybe his
head vhas oudt of order.
Il goes up shtairs, und Shake laughs
und rolls arounGt until he yhas plack in
der face. Dot makes me suspicious, und
/ goes down to look at dot telegram some
more. Sergeant, dot yhas all put-up job
By Jhake."
''Just like him..
'sVhell, dot makes me oafer $50 oudt of
pocket, und dot lucky man was so excited
dot he does me $40 damage, ind vhas
locked oop Ply der police. I goes oop
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
A Vigilant Census Man.
EStelline (Dakota) Bell.

A Minneapolis man was so unforote as
to fall in with circular saw and got cut
in two in the vicinity of the watch pocket.
One of the late census enumerators nap
pening in just after the accident: There,
I've got to go right back and revise these
fgures-that man will count one on ST.
Pault'
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29

Joseph Pulitzer's check for $4,000 and APP
piled it in the same manner as they APP
piled other checks.
Now, how did this happen? That is the
question. Instead of screeching over the
fact in frantic frenzy, Mr.. Pulitzer
should favor the public with some intel
hgable explanation of it, if he can--New
York Sun.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
No Place for a Child.
D,rnH

Visitor-How old is your girl, Aunt
Lucy:
Aunt Lucy-Dat chile am fl yeah old,
sab, on de fO'th OBJ dis month.
Visitor Indeed! Five years old? You
will soon be sending her to kindergarten,
I suppose:
Aunt Lucy with virtuous indignation)-
Nebber, sab; I wuddent goneah one oh dem
alb gadens myself, let lone sendin' little
chile. No, sahi
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29

shtairs to find Shake, but he vhas gone.
He leaves me a note dot he hat an i'm
Portant engagement he must keep. Ser
geantv
"Weu?"
IF you see Shake tell him to keen
AWAY from me for two weeks. If [ laws
my hands on him now he goes to kindling
wood so queek as lightning. Shake was
my only child, ind he was der pet of der
family, ind it vhas peter he doan' come
home until vhas recovered"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
She Was Human.
Now NorE Tribune

New York Tribune.
THAT viii do, Eugene. You must leave
this house forever"
Forever, Florence! Great Sco-that
is-dearest, what have I done to offend
you:"
For the third time this evening you
you have unfeelingly alluded to the the
atre and canvas-back duck, regardless of
the fact that it is Lent. | am but human.
Coz
It was raining in torrents and Evangel-
Inc stood by her window looking out into
the right. why dost thou wait there
Evangeline, my daughter" inquired the
mother. Il am waiting for Gabriel,
mother" replied the girl, tenderly He
will not come, my dear. in all this rain"
Eyes he will, mother mine. Gabriel does
not fear little wet like this. He Is
Baptist" In ten minutes Gabriel was in
the parlor asking for drink of water.
Miozl, popular singer in Vienna cafes
chantants, receives for every nights per-
Torrance 500 forins-a little over 5000.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
Why He Wept.
Detroit Free Pre- SIS.

Among the crowd present at the panO-
ramic battle of Gettysburg the other even
ing was boy about Is years of age. He
had been gazing around him for fifteen
minutes when he began to weep. The
fact was noticed, and directly a gentle
man said:
"Ah! poor lad! This painting revives
some episode of grief in his life. My
boy, why do you weep?"
''Ca-ca-c cause, sir!' was the reply as
his tears fell faster.
"Does the sight of this battle move
your"
'Y-yes!'
Did your father lay down his life on
this tield?"
NO"
close a brother there?"
NO"
But you lost a relation of some sOrt?'
''No-not that | know Of"
''Then it must be these bloody scenes
which overcome you, poor child?"
''N-no, sir, I come in here on the mon
ely which dad gave me to buy molasses
with and it has just struck me that the
whole Union army can't stop him from
givin' me an awful whalin' when [ get
home. [ reckon that Teller over there on
stretcher is me-after dad gifts through
bringin' up his reserves"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29
CHIT-CHAT.

I've run piece of wood under my
finger nall said an old married man to
his wife. "Ah," she sneered, 'syou must
have been scratching your head"
A dilatory bride, who upon arrival at
the church found that the bridegroom
had married the first bridesmaid. re-
marked philosophically that perhaps it
was just as well as it was.
Maud (reading title of picture): "sA
Hunt'-after Leecb. What kind of an
animal do you suppose leech is, Clara ?''
Clara (doubtfully): 'Oh, 1 don't know.
Something like fox, I should think"
Little Brown Ga horrid bore): ''Do you
believe in a mans sighs, Miss Robinson %
Miss Robinson: "a mans size? Yes. GER
tainly I do, think no man ought to be
less than six feet in height" COLLAPSE
of little Brown.
LA Politesse du Occur" Mamma
latter dinner: "Alice, dear, let US hear
your new song" Alice: I'm afraid of dis
turbing DR.. Schmidt, mamma" Herr
Schmidt waking up.): Zach! do not
mind me. I will take myself away from
re roOm!'
"What has become of the boot ack %
ooAO iOmSCI. SdNdS hO huOCh0u
things about. Il had it last night" Its
on the mantelpiece," replied Mrs. Tow
ser. II covered it with plush to-day, and
painted some flowers on it. Isn't it love
ly?"
First young lady: "These horrid men.
There goes three more! Why can't they
sit quietly in their seats, as we do?" Sec
ond ditto: II don't for my part see how
they can know what the play is about
Elderly man Gin rear seat: 'We don't.
We haven't seen anything but your tall
hats or heard anything but your chatter
since the curtain rose" HE is taken out
and promptly shot.
Compliment-'Y look tired, Miss
Golightly" ''Do I? Getting old, 1 sup
pose. You know the saying, "A mans as
old as he feels, and woman as old
as she looks.n "Well, I'm sure that say
ing does not hold good in your
case" And then he smiled his killing
smile, as who should say, L have fetched
her" but she withered him with glare,
the conversation suddenly tagged
A young photographer who had been
desperately in love for some time finally
put the matter to the test. Dear Fan
ME-" he said, after beating round the
bush for an hour or more, II love you
warmly, devotedly, earnestly, and tender
ly. have loved you from the first time
1 met you, and now I have the great
question to ask, will you, dearest Fan
ME, be my wife?'' mo, sir" she re-
sponded emphatically. "Ah,"he replied,
his artistic sense overcoming his emo
tional sensation, what a negative that
was-clear cut, distinct in every outline,
with never a blur or a shadow! I shall
preserve it. Good-by."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-29

The English sparrow is the hefdic
among the vehicles of the air.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-04-14
CONVENIENT AND INEXPEN-
SIVE BAG HOLDER.

Editor Progressire Farmer:
DEAR SIR :-Having occasion to
mix some fertilizer and being both
cred about getting it back into the
bags, without taking two hands to
hold the bags while n shoveled it
in, | hit upon a very simple and in
expensive but very excellent bag
holder, which for the benefit Of your
readers | will describe:
Take an old -four barrel with both
heads out (of which there are al
ways plenty about the farm and
four shingle nails and drive them in
the top of the barrel, standing them
on the inside at equal distance apart
and drive so that the point will come
outside and extend a little above the
top of the barrel set the barrel on
the floor, drop your empty bag in
side and hook it on the four nails
and go to work with your shovel
and fill it, and when full unlock the
bag off the nails and lift the barrel
from over it. 1t will be so handy
you will be surprised that you have
never thought of it before.
Yours respectfully,
A. S. c.
Harreli's Store, N. c., April 10, SO.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-04-14

looking ~wistfully at the nuts, when the
shop-keeper, who was standing by, told
her to take a handful. ooh, no., sir; |
tant, 90 div 'em to me with 90 hand?'
said the little Miss. The shop-keeper
took up a handful, and as he handed
them toher he asked if she was afraid to
take the nuts after he had given her per
mission to do so. "Oh, no, sir, | amt
'fraid a bit, but 90 hand is bigger'n
mine," answered the little Miss, as she
began cracking the nuts.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-04-14
Winston Tobaeeo Market.

Breaks full last week with much soft
ordered, and common tobaccos which
caused some decline in medium and
low grades. Good wrapper, fine sweet
filters and cutters kept up very well
during the week. Prospect for full
breaks at opening of present week.