Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-09-23
AMERICAN coNsuLsHIPs.

AMERICAN CONSULSHIPS.
Offices to which Distance Very Frequently
Lends Enchantment.
But Consulship sounds very big
till you get there. There are innumer-
| able islands in the South Pacific, and
there tribes who declare war, fight,
publish proclamations of defiance, and
| seem altogether extraordinarily heroic.
The United States sent Consul to one
group lately, wherein the ideal was
grand-immense. Kneeling subjects in
the shape of American citizens; sup
plant chiefs and trembling Kings, with
all the attendant gorgeousness and dig
| nifty, filled his minds eye. He busted
himself in an outfit, laid in an elegant
| dress suit; a pair of patent leather
shoes, white ties, white gloves and an
enormous diamond pin for his shirt
front. Thus equipped, he sailed away
with all the conscious pride of a repre-
sentative of grand Republic. From
the port he landed at he was conveyed
to small sailing vessel to the point of
officaldom. AS the ship entered the
offing, the flag of the United States
gayly flying at the masthead, the white
residents of the island came off in a
small boat to welcome him. The new
official received them affably, was quite
amiable, and did not put on too many
airs.
"Come on shore with us and we'll
present you to the King said the well
Corners.
The King! 1 can't go up to the
palace in this dress My trunks are in
the hold. 1 can't present myself to the
King like this"
"Oh. come with us. That's all right.
You can put on all your tinery and call
on him again. He's waiting for you"
waiting for me?'
..Yes. We told him the new Consul
was coming"
''And he's waiting for me?. don't
know what to do. l can't keep his
Majesty waiting, but l can hardly go up
in this dress.
..Oh, that will do He won't mind
And they tumbled him into the boat
and took him on shore. If you've
ever tried to step out of boat on a
shelving beach, YOU know how it is
yourself He did it. He stepped clear
into the water and went rolling. Here
was quandary. The residents gathered
the wet Consul up, took him to a
store, and fitted him into a twelve-dol-
lar-hand-me-down suit, which didn't fit
him. 1t took long time to argue him
into going then. But they would have
it, and off they went.
Look here. l don't feel comfortable
at all going up to the palace to make
my first appearance as Consul in this
miserable condition. Where is the
palace? Are we near it?''
''Quite There it is"
He looked and saw 4 conical mud hut
with two square holes on opposite sides,
and gentle smoke fioated up through
the point of the roof, which was appar-
emily a vent-hole.
.What?"
That's the palace. The King and
Queen are in there waiting for you
They entered. In the center, in what
looked ike kind of mire, sat fat,
black. dignified fellow, whose protec-
ton from the inclemency of the weather
was whisp of cotton tied around his
waist. By his side sat small, dark
lady of acquiescent, contented mein,
whose toilet had all fallen around her
waist, too; at least, she hadn't any any
where else.
"Hullo." said the newcomer in the
language of the country. ''Hullo, old
chap. how are you?" Then more po-
litelv: This is the new Consul from
America"
The new Consul, who had been prac-
ticng his bow ever since his application
had been filed, made an obeisance, when
a pig suddenly ran in by one entrance,
81 hot h Anat;onc Land
ed him head first in the mire and skipped
d gnity was outraged, but the King
didn't mind it, nor did the numerous
royal family who lay around promiscu-
all right, old boy said the residents to
the embarrassed Consul. ''We'ye got
up ball for you tonight, and you'll
see the King and Queen in style there"
So the Consul got his trunk out got
his dress suit, his white tie. his white
gloves and his patent-leathers ready and
presented himself at the ''hotel' where
the ball was to be. The hotel was
wooden frame with mud roof The
King and Queen entered in grand style,
with a little more toilet of a loose kind,
and the new Consul came IN with the
Kings sister, noble Princess, and they
all had royal night of it. Before the
new Consul had gone to bed in the
morning the Princess Royal returned
from the palace, paid him special call
and solicited his washing. He does not
look for any dignity in his position now.
He is looking for profit. A man ought
to gain something from being Consul.
San Francisco Chronicle.
DECAY OE M0NARGAX