davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13
CURRENT NEWSPAPER JOKES.

Macon Telegraph: Matt Arnold says
he is coming to America next month for
the rest he so much Graves. He probably
means the rest of our money.
Benevolent old lady who had just given
a penny to small rustic: Nov, my dear,
what do you say?" Small rustic, with
native politeness: "Give US another"
Collapse of old lady.
"You told me, Arthur, that your doctor
advised you to drink whisky. Has it done
you any good?" 'Well, should say so. I
got barrel of it two weeks ago, and I
could hardly lift it; and now can carry
it about the ROOM"
Panama canal will be completed in the
time allowed, because NJ. de Lesseps is
moving heaven and earth" to accomplish
this end. M. de Lesseps would get on
faster, though, if he would move less
heaven and more earth.
"Ah, captain" said fresh young man
on an ocean steamer, when you board a
vessel where do you get the timber?"
ugh" replied the captain, looking him
over critically, 1--WE get it out of the log,
of course"
"a herd boy on receiving his wages
from his master, purchased lantern.
The master quizzed him sorely on the
point, and asked him what he intended
doing with his lantern. I'm gaun to TAX
it wi me to coort," was the reply: Il
never used to TAX lantern wi me to
coOrt," answered the master. I thocht
sae," muttered the boy, 'yer choice shows
that"
Sergeant Ballantyne tells the story of g
foreign prince who complained to his
steward that his horses looked thin. ''The
corn dealer will supply no more oats
till he is paid" said the stewart. 'Who
will trust us?' asked the prince. After
deep and long consideration. the steward
said that he thought they still had credit
with the pastrycook. "Feed the horse
upon tarts!" said the prince.
Four members of a Blount county,
Tennessee, family have married within as
many weeks. First two sons went off,
then a daughter, and now the father, aged
three score years.
Spectators have bought little old
4 u 81 L.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13
The Arrests OfSOeiaIists COntinue-A Warning
to Rudinski.

MILWAUKEE, May 8.-The arresting of
the socialists who have been instrume ntal
in urging on the riots has been continued
this afternoon. In the houses of two of
them were found a number of guns and
pistols, and large amount of ammuni-
ton concealed in the bedding. Governor
Rusk informed Alderman Rudinski that
the latter would be held responsible for
any trouble which may hereafter arise
from the doings of the Poles, who have
been prompted to act on Rudinski's an
Vica
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13
AT MILWAUKEE.
A Socialist Leader Arrested.

MILWAUKEE, May 8.-The arrest of
Grottkaw, the socialistic leader, and sew
eral of his followers, had an excellant
effect upon the troublesome class. The
district attorneys request for the call of
the grand jury, before whom the social
lists could be prosecuted was granted. At
10 o'clock a crowd of several hundred
strikers assembled near the western linn
its of the city and were scattered by the
police.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13
Absent-Minded, Perhaps.

A young lady, belonging to one of the
first families of New York, returned from
walk. Her mother, who is very strict
with her, asked:
"Where have you been?"
II have just been taking little fresh
air in Central park"
"Alone?"
.Alone?"
Are you sure of it?''
"Of course [ am. Why do you ask"
"Oh, nothing at all, except when you
went out you took with you parasol, and
you come home with gentleman's cane
in your hand.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13
The Old Fashioned Man.
rer Gardeners Lime Kiln Soliloquy.

II was readin' in de paper yesterday"
said Brother Gardener as the meeting
opened after the usual style-'I was a.
readin' lament bekase de ole fashun'
man an woman had died off an would be
soon no mo- on airth foreber. lie glad
on it. De ole fashun'd man scraped off
de measure when he sold wheat; he be-
lieved dat any sort of food and any sort
of bed was good huff fur his chill'n; he
took the biggest piece of pie at de table;
he ate mo- like a hog dan a human bein'
if he had sympathy it was fur his cattle
instead of his family. De Ole-fashun'd
man was a regular attendant at prayer
meetin', but he worked his hired help
twenty hours out of twenty-fOur JUS de
same. He'd drive five miles to church Oh
sunday to show his religun, but dOorin' de
odder six days oh de week he was bad
man to trade bosses wild. 1t took his wife
six months to git up de courage to ak him
fur a new kaliker dress, an mos of his
chill'en grOwed up an went away from
home widout a reckoleckshun of a dozen
kind words.
DE ole-fashun'd man had two recipes
for his fellow-bein's. De fust was hard
work; de next was honesta. He had but
two ideals in regard to boys. De fust was
lots O. pork an leetle schoolin'; de next
was lots O. lickins an no holidays. He
had but two ideahs in regard to bizness.
De fust was git all ye kin; de mex was
keep all ye git. He argued dat liar
could neber enter de kingdom of heaben,
but would go out and lick a sick OK to
death widout any fear about his hereafter.
He prayed loudly dat de Lawd would in
crease his crops, but he kept his hired
hands down to de lowest possible fgger.
He made great show of submittin' to de
will of Providence, but if 500 pounds OF
hay got wet in a rainstOrm some Of de
chill'en came in for lickin' befo' night.
de ole-fashun'd man an woman hev
departed an de world hasn't lost cent by
it. 1t was a good depart. Wicked as
some folks claim de world to be, I feel dat
kin walk into de average crowd an
pick out mo- charity, humanity, religiun,
sympathy an morality dan could be found
in ten-acre lot of old fashun'd men an
women
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13
Pitfalls in a Lions Career.
London Punch.

'By the by, old man, the Duchess of
Cheeksboro' has asked me to her fancy
ball. l wish you'd recommend me a cos
tune"
HAS she asked your wife,"
"N-no."
'Does she know you are married."
''Y-yes."
"And yet you are going?"
"Well-a-yes."
"Then let me recommend you one of
her Grace's liveries will suit you splen-
didly.'
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13
CRIME.

NEAR Youngstown, Ohio, Sunday night
Wilson Halter became jealous of the atten-
tions paid Miss Myers by William Houck,
and stabbed the latter fatally. The muir
derer was recently released from an insane
asylum.
EMILY D. BURTON plead not guilty at
Newport, R. l., Wednesday to aiding and
abetting her brother-in-law, Allen. w.
Dorsey, in the murder of her father, Ben
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13
All is Still Quiet--Several More Socialists Ar
rested.

MILWAUKEE, May 6.-To-night the stu
alton as regards the labor riots remains
as during the day, with every Indication
that all trouble has come to an end. Two
more deaths, making six in all, have oc-
CURED from wounds received in yester-
days fusillade at Bay View. The arrest
Of several socialists has been effected to-
night, and a quantity of ammunition,
guns, pistols, ETC., found in their resi-
dences have been confscated.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13

The London Times says that the COM
pletion of the Canadian Pacific railway
has given fresh Indictment to the dis
cnssion among the Russians of their own
'ong -talked-of line to the Pacific across
Siberia to Vidivostock. The branch to
Tiumen has not yet been made, and the
Ufa Zlatoust section to Ekaterinburg has
only lately been decided upon, after years
of dispute over the conflicting claims of
different towns.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13

The London Times says that the COM
pletion of the Canadian Pacific railway
has given a fresh Indictment to the dis
cussion among the Russians of their own
long -talked-of line to the Pacific across
Siberia to VladivostOckr The branch to
Tiumen has not yet been made, and the
Ufa Zlatoust section to Ekaterinburg has
only lately been decided upon, after years
of dispute over the conflicting claims of
different towns.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13

Of the 5000 communes in Italy more
than 1000 are totally unprovided with
sewers. There are 81 ,206 dwellings under
ground which give shelter to 101, t57 per-
sons.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13
How it Affects Him.
w ashington Ratchet.

1t is curious what change time makes"
remarked Secretary Lamont to the presi-
dent the other day.
"Of course, of counsel" replied the pres
ident, absently, looking out of the window
abstractedly and wondering why the grass
looked so much greener this spring than
ever before.
Now here's paper" continued the
secretary, "that abused you continually
while you were a candidate. but now it has
completely changed about"
Eyes, yes; it happens So" said the pres
ident shortly, Juggling at his moustache
and specializing at the probable warmth
of June weather for travelling parties.
Gust look at the difference" persisted
the naughty Daniel; ''now instead of crit
icism there is constant praise. Its flat
terry may even be called fulsowe. l.
The president wheeled about suddenly
"What was your last word, Daniel!" he
asked.
''Fulsome,' replied the secretary.
'Oh, ah-yes! I thought you said Fols-
-! But no matter! 1t is indeed true
what you say
Then the private secretary rustled the
paper and the president looked out of the
window more intently than ever.
In every land and cline, the merits of
st. Jacobs Oil as the only conqueror of
pain, are being acknowledged by the press
and people.
Brooklyn has more empty houses than
at any time since the war.
Three members of my family, says Mr..
James A. Sample, Cash Room, Office of
the Treasurer, q. S., who we're suffering
froml aggravating coughs, have been much
benefited by taking Red Star Cough CuBp.
None of the i'll effects so noticeable In
other cough remedies, have followed the
use Of this.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13

Spectators have bought little old
house in Saco, Me-, formerly occupied by
an alleged female miser, and are tearing
it down in search of hidden treasure.
Thus far they have found $28.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13
What We Are Coming To.

Puck
How much is the shoes?"
Give dollars"
Five! That's more'n III pay. III
give ye two"
no"
No? 1 say will give ye two"
swell, won't take two. Move en-!
Faith, I'll not I'll shtan here till ye
take two. An eff yez don't take two, we'll
arbitrate.
Kid beadspreads, made out of the backs
of discarded kid gloves and the gantlets
of long ones, have cast crazy patchwork
into the shade.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13

In every land and cline, the merits of
st. Jacobs Oil as the only conqueror of
pain, are being acknowledged by the press
and people.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13

Brooklyn has more empty houses than
at any time since the war.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-05-13

Four members of a Blount county,
Tennessee, family have married within as
many weeks. First two sons went off,
then a daughter, and now the father, aged
three score years.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1886-04-03

Tho people arc doue piantiuM
rhc Prospects ior good crops wore
tc,or better.
ubon wac ro. much hnu -orr
n.r.. hut huge uop- ot o1.s. c.fn Wd
aHoa. nndIl Alte soHa .un
.u ail Doc among ,0e elt. of
uu- rugluoruood
Professor Dpbbin-, al ihe request Of
the ritizcns here, viii open another
term Of singing school We hope that
he will make his undertaking. success
Miss Emma Grahrr1'rf -iic San saoa
river, is paying visit to friends in the
valley.
The little daughter of Mr., II. Estes,
who was seriously hurt three weeks
ago by cato falling on her, is now
able to walk. We sincerely hope that
she will soon entirely recoyer.
Don't know whether there is any
probability of Johnnie Eborhart mar
rying or not, but he ia cultivating II
big crop, and is seen ncross the river
as regularly IA tho bee visits the hive
in mid -summer.
The Cow which was shot some time
ago, has recently recovered It is the
opinion Of the minority That the COW
wns Innocent, from the simple fact that
she has not been known to even 30
much as look at chicken since she
was shot.
Mr. NJ. II. Estcs aud soIs are putting
in about seventy i've acres in cotton,
The Farmcrs Alliance is On a boom
here
Miss Alice McLane, who has been
teaching in the valley, returned to san
Saba at the close Of the session, She
is missed by everyone in tho commu.
nifty, especially by the young folks.
CLopuorrEH,
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1886-04-03
From Algiretn.

Jack Frost paid us m unwclcome
visit last night, and we trust this viii
be the wind-np of the cold weather
Farmets are somewh hat down in the
mouth, for at present the prospects are
favorable for planting large portion
of the corn second timo. We can
not tell yet, Gardens are badly in
iurcd also.
Cattle are dying rapidly yet, but q
few days Of warm sun shine will make
grass good enough to ensure the lives
of the remainder.
There is no sickness that we arc
aware of in this community, and our
local ply stefan snys it is distressugly
healthy. Sorry, Doc, but don't want
to get sicl, to help you out.
The Farmers Alliance at thi, place
consist- of more than thirty memhers,
aud several more petitions have been
sent in for approval We are glad to
see a better outlook for the farmers,
aud hope they may realize their high.
est anticipations.
We nro still anxious for the hog law
in this locality. 1t viii be great ben
eft to everyone especially those whc
are putting in new farms and have hui
little to fence with like your cores
pendent. So, rally for tho hog law
boys
Still rumor says that quite u number
of our young people arc vacillating OF
the brink Of celbacy and ready with
out price to embark on the tide of con
nubial felicity. May their shadow
never grow lese.
John Graham and Perry Smith hay
taken the advice of Loyel Best and ap
piled the carbolic acid. Does it hur
you to shave, boys
Write again, Chinaman, and plan
some more sorghum, it you expect {
have II clear conscience on ihe grea
day of judgment. EUREKA,
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1886-04-03

Mn EnroW Since last wrote you
the grass has sprung up and stock are
on the mend. We have no weeds this
year as horotoforei suppose the early
dry weather had somothing to do with
H.. We have more grass now than we
had this time last year.
The farmers are a little uneasy about
their corn, don't hardly think it will
come mp A goods rain would do
Wonders. II
Y The alliance men formed an alliance
at Rock Shoals last night (tho 23rd)
This worthy CORRESPONDENT didn't iine
EN- while the organizer was spenk
ing about goods, etc, howl was heard
Mt the door and in walked old Tigc "a
dog) whining and bowling, Some OF
the boys climbed on to the ioists,
thinking Tige was mad, We finally
induced him to get out, and then he
got under the floor and howled most
pition.ly Bat rige got quiet after a
while, and the honorable speaker pro
cceded IIe finally induced six to join.
Mr. Speaker told us some Arkansas
and Georgia tales, upon the strength
of which we adjourned.
And still the strike holds on. Is
there no way to stop all this dcstruc
tiun of propertll
Well MIR. Editor, locals are very
scarce in this part Of the county.
don't thing that blue 4orther wc
had yesterday was a very welcome
guest.
Before the late cold some of the
sunday School people were tnllting
about picnics, but | suppose the cold
wind blow all Of that ont of their heads
and made them think of huggiug the
lire pluce.
Inst Saturday your correspondent
took round on and about Wallac,
creek only saw three dead cattle
FIN in hopes no more will die.
The arrival of a little stranger in ouI
noighborhood last week was hailed
with great delight, aud to say tina
William is happy would be putting il
very mild,
think Level Best has got Tho
election just tho reverse of what il
really was, that ia, all of the wbisk!
men going and "show' voting, whil'
the local option men staid at home
That is rather singular | think TIT
local option men have been trying TOT
long to get an election not to go ant
vote when they have a chance to do so
Cow rrNCuER.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1886-04-03
Mclhodlsts Take Notice.

Prof. Spilman's committee will col
lect during this month the following
amounts:
Worn out preachers. 40 cents.
Church extension, 10 cents
Expenses of delegates to General
Conference, 10 cents.
Total, 60 cents.
Money is scarce, yet this an exceed
ingly small sum. Hope every member
will be ready to meet the claim
promptly.
The anniversary will be Easter
night, and presided over by Prof. W.
j. Spillmnn. +. 5. JACKSON, 7. G.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1886-04-03
a Unique Cyclopcdia.

An extremely valuable Cyclopedia,
and of very great popular interest is
Alden's Cyclopeda of Universal Liter
allure, Volume II, of which is just pub
lished Novel 10 plan, aud novel in
form, at once beautiful and convenient
and at price low even compared with
Mr. Aldeu's always low prices. this
voiume gives in iis nearly 500 pagcs
Biographical sketches of one hundred
and eleven prominent authors, with
characteristic selections from their
Writings, The following authors,
aupng other., appear ia this ,olumci
Audubon So. Augustine, D'Auycrene,
Bacou, Bazac, bancroft, Banim, Bar
hauld, beaumont, Bccchrr lsryernl Of
the nnmcl. Brnthnm, Bipu, Bioruson.
Black (Wiliiaml. Blackstone, BlessiHg-
ton Countess 90, aud Boecaccio, thus
representing nearly nll ages aud an
nations even in this volume Amcri-
can. Euglish, French, Gelmau, Italian,
Greek, Latin, Swedish, Portuguese,
Scotch, Dutch, Irish, Norwegian, and
Danish authors hom the period 25O
lH. q. "a. A,p, lss6. The literary aud
mechanical workmanship are both OF a
high order The vurk Is REALLY one
/ that ought 20 Gud place in every
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1886-04-03

Glass organization bcgets class ur.
gauizatiou. II one class organization
claims the right to dictate what man
may or may not sell, what would that
class say If another class should apring
into life claiming the right to have no
business or iudnstiial connection what
ever wifh The men who claimed the
tight to dictate what aud 10 whom a
man should self Thi- is % frco coun
try, free to ali, mot TO one alone, and
the humhlrst in The laud i- entitled 90
The personal liberty and nights cluimed
Dy ALL t. Worth Gazette.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1886-04-03
From Harmony Ridge.

Mn. EpiroR Notwithstanding !
am still suffering from recent genuine
drenching, | will give you few more
dots from this corner, and if it should
prove interesting to your renders, Just
chnrge to me mn / will settle it when
sell hides.
Ills indeed gratifying to Your cor
respondent to epeak of the steady
progress Harmony Ridge is making,
for il we had closed our eyes at the
time of our last writing, ana opened
them at this date, we shonld have
thought ourselyea in lhe tropics.
Oar fmmors, since that time, have
mnde some beautiful aud substantial
improvements, bnt she most remnrha.
bio change hns been Wrought los gcu-
tle spring coming in and driving win
ter into il. legitimate domain thus
giving our energetic fumora m OPP
portuuity Co plant corn, which oppor-
tunity they used We have none Of
those generally no goods" about
whom yon ave wont 60 write
Tho old cows, although many al
them have passcd over to that grass,
pampas surpassed 90 Do somewhere d
| the tabled wet, upd arc pow eWoyins
COW frniiinn, lafrc unmhete Of theu
have snr,iytd aud may now Ne seoI
rogios over the valleys and hills viii
that LOOK vi stlisnciop which midi
ea,es cloalb that ihr, afe ywoyip'
sac ouug, nutritious gfasai uud reap
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1886-04-03

Justice Thomas reported uet h"n
ia, morning as Me- 6r-t imo within
Iii. recollection ,hru ratnlar ..tm oil
his court came around wrl uo
ready for trial. lie add the ohi..fe
were very industrious during the pre-
vious month aud the cases of long
standing we're all disposed of. With
ont wishing the ollicers any harm, ".
could heartily wish they would ntyef
have another case.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1886-04-03

A petition should be forwarded at
once to Superintendent Baker, asking
that San Saba be given the location
for the Summer Normal school for this
district. Board can be secured here
at as reasonable rates a. at any other
point. Buildings ample for the accom-
mediation of all the teachers IN the dis-
trict can be scared without cost, and
as other places have already enjoyed
the benefits to be derived from these
gatherings of the intellectual giants oi
the day, we think in justice to san
Saba, it should have the Normal this
summer. Let the teachers n the meet
ing to. day begin the work by prepar'
ing the petition with all the facts nee
essary aud then let il be circulated
among our people at once aud sent to
the appointing officer. The appoint
ment of teachers has already been
made, and the places will be
designated in few weeks at most.
There is no time to lose. Act at once
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1886-04-03

The Independent order of odd Eel
lows will celebrate the natal day, the
27th of this month We do not know
their plans, but suppose it will include
a picnic, music, speechos, etc. These
occasions are always well attended by
the people and enjoyed by ALL If the
committee on arrangements will furn-
ish the NEWS with q programme for
the occasion it will be published. The
following COMMITTEES have been np
pointed: On general arrangements,
John Seiders, Il. W. Austin, Il. lIalden,
james Dofilemyrc and C. A. Mason.
On speakers, c. p. Beatty, g. w. Wal
tiers and w. A. Wilson. On invitation,
J. r. Walters, f. S. jackson and James
+. Brown. On music, J, j, Stockbridge,
Il. NJ Gray and A. b, Hay worth On
transportation, NJ. II. johnson, w. d.
Austin and G., d Allen. Marshal OF
the day, S. Il Howard.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1886-04-03

entered a, the pos,oiucs at san Saba, Texas a.
iscond class matter.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1886-04-03

"reor Carletia,n che once beautiful
Empreys Of Mexico, isrepoFied as uear-
lbs ihe close "a hos tragic career 40
ihr Oh cas,le 81 lonohoi, near ll'us,
s,ls Happily, ihp Tragedy AAlca
slshittn Yongs ago hlishied her life
add da,keatd hsi ieaton, lrit no re-
,neieh,abfo % lh0 hoiioIs ihfensh
elich sho hsd pas,ed nud she has
Aatit tieee 10 an imae,sasy wogld %
5oSas elasplueepee,
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1886-04-03

1t il now safe 10 say that trims on
the San Antonio & Arausas Pass rail
road with the salt waters of the gulf of
Mexico in the early fall The money
20 extend the read from Asegille 10 lhe
Pass, with branch 10 Corpus Christi,
has been secured, aud the iiIst day OF
October, at least, will doubtless show
the road completed to the Pass. II not
to Corpus Chsisti. The great dilliculiy
10 construction on the whole line has
been surmounted In reaching and
crossing the San Antouip river, some
fifty miles, and beyond which track
laying is nov progressing. -Express'