Smyrna times., 1886-06-09
Sharp, Short and Sunny.


There are souls in this world that
have the gift Offindingjoy everywhere.
-Fdber.
Sailors want to know how the socie-
ty swells got the pattern of their
trOwsers.
A Fishkill man has a 23-year-old
COW that has been the mother of twenty
one calves.
Girls we love for what they are
young men for what they promise to
be.-GOethe.
The hornet is red hot child ov
natur, and has a bizzness end to him
Josh Billings.
One Of the cards received by the
President the other day was inscribed
"Just a mint"
Southern palms and northern roses
mingled on General Grants tomb on
Decoration Day.
The North Atlantic. squadron has
been ordered to Portland, Maine, in
connection with the fishery trouble.
The increasing number of spectacled
childen in the schools leads an official
to suggest that teachers are at fault.
Naturally, man is better content to
pound the bass drum in Satan's orches-
ira than he is to play second fiddle in
Gods modest choir.
The latest necktie is called the four
in-hand. Driven abreast it saves the
{ an .l,i
dem it reaches to the knees.
Mr.. Blaine has made speech nj
Portland, on the Home Rule question,
and it is the ablcst exposition of the
subject yet heard on this side of the
Atlantic.
A Western man claims that he can
raise cyclones ut will. SO can almost
any man, by simply informing his wife
that she will have to get along with
one bonnet IL year.
The Roman Catholic Archbishou nf
Philadelphia announces that all Catbo-
lies under his jurisdiction must abstain
from selling ntOXicants on Sunday. or
be communicated.
1t is indeed praiseworthv to note
how the Philadelphia Times is running
the gyps out Of employment Papers |
ike the Times are needed everywhere.
as 1t is a terror to evildoers.
The grasshopper is already burden
in Texas, myriads of them bavi,"
made their appearance there. This |
SOUNDS hEe trltle to Eastern ears, but
1t IS a serious matter in the West.
Rev. Sam Small, in his sermon on
Monday last, denounced charity balls |
church fairs and strawberry festivals !
as denominations" Rev. Sam ZONES
IS equally as severe, if not more so.
John Kelley, the greatest politician
tnat New York City has ever produced.
died last week, in the sixty-fifth wear
OF his age. By his death the Demo
cratic party of New York suffers
great loss.
A good deal is being said lately
about the ability of young wives to
cook. The ability of young husbands
to provide them with sometime IN
cook ought not to be entirely left oIIt
of the question.
George NJ. Stearns told an audience
at Springfield Mass. that the conyic-
ton OF Alderman Jaehne is of more
value to the future history in New
YORK than the distribution of Federal
patronage for the next fifty years
Great excitement reiens in priti.l
political circles over Premier GIad'
stones Home Rule Bill and tbe lii
eral disaffectiOn has increased n ennb
an extent that Gladstone has signifed
Willingness to modify its provisions.
What's in a name? A A"'scab.' in the
new vocabulary Of the day, is man
VINO IS willing TO work but is nor -
Knight OF Labor. 1t would seem that
the sca6s are therefore the biggest uart
OF the body corporate of the working
fraternity.
1t is no idle form, but as the expres-
sion OF sincere and universal feeIin@
mat all will join in the kindest wishes
Tor Mr.. Cleveland and his bride. I'm
questi0nably last week brought him,
INTO closer and more cordial relations
Wlth the big heart Of the people. and
that IS "A good thing for them a5 well nc
as for him. - ''9
In his sermon on Sunday last Tail
mage told his congregation that Won
can no G4l. IGNORE thn na,.,,,.,-,l,..
'Hai you Co.,. 'te the nOOnd;tv sun
or the Atlantic Ocean" He saij tbat
per cent. of the ncyy,u.,r,l,.,
were his friends, and "the Other 'G,,,
per cent. are such notorious liars t1,t
nobody believes them"
Only little while ago John Mos.
was urging his fellow Anarchists IN
arm themselves and drill and prruore
70 overthrow what he called the 'c,,,,;-
JallstlC- classes. Now he is engaged i'm
Actuai drilling in the blacksmith shon
Oh biackwell's Island. During his
year there, some respect for law and
Tor the rights Of other men may no
drilled into him. w
A cnrsory reading of the reporters,
somewhat hyterical accounts of the
residents wedding reveals the fact
hat DIR. Sunderland neglected To re-
lplfe the bride to promise to "obev"
ler husband, according to the ancient
ma weil-established formula. We
rem0le when we think Of the possibili-
les OF mugwumpian revolt that this
omission opens up.
What this administration desires to
nave understood is that a man isn'ten-
itled TO a pension because he went 10
military demonstration as a spectator
Il June, 1860, or stubbed his toe against
stone while walking home from a
.hurch picnic in 1863 with his hest oirI
hanging on his-arm. Il really is neess-
airy 70 draw the line at lust abont tbis
'laee a FAHadelpbia Times. W :.
It Is very probable that not a single L
ail0r lives who does not believe tbat r
friday IS an unlucky day. Captain
ofCape Cod, endeavored to
isprove this BY laying the keel Of n
hip on Friday, he launched her on
'riday, named her Friday, and aiways n
rent to Sea on Friday. The vessel was
nally lost on Friday and the cap tain.
vo mates and twelve seamen were
rOwned.
HuclrIen's Arnioa Salve.
Tile Best calre ia the world for Cffg DrnfgaQ q.