Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-12-08
The Old Mans Trouble,
From Peck's SUE.

Two prominent citizens OF wealth and re-
srectabihtv, about 60 wears old, met at a lunch
counter in Il saloon for the noon meal few
days since, as IS usual with them. 9 hey res
cued Il few pieces of rye bread from the plate
on the counter, painted plaques on the slices
with a mustard spoon, spread few floating
slices OF head cheese from The vinegar on
p ate and king their glasses OF beer sat
down at a round table, blew the foam off the
beer and drank COW swallow before tackling
the lunch.
"Bill," said one to the other. ~ have noticed
lately that YOU had an air of nervousness and
irritation. Yon look cross. and have thought
that maybe things were not going all right
with you in business. IL there is anything
wrong, and you need friend, you ought to
know me we'll enough to speak out II there
ia anything can 10 to help friend 1 will do
"Oh, john" said the other, with a sigh, as
he shook his beer glass ANA watched the bub-
bles raise to the top, "there is nothing YOU
can do for me. IL is not business that buthers
me. am n great sufferer. There is not a
minut" of the day but | suffer the fortunes Of
the damned"
"Great heavens, you surprise me-" said his
friend. al supposed you were the haalthiest
man IN the world. Have you talked with the
doctor about ltP
doctors are no good for what ails me-"
said the old party. II suffer from under
clothes. My skin is sensitive, and for forty
years have tried to get some sort OF fannels
for underwear that would not set me crazy.
with underwear. Sometimes I Will see in a
store a suit of flannel that is as soft as silk,
and warm. and viii buy it, and think that
am fixed for the winter, ana that / will be
happy, The first time IL is washed the shirt
shrinKs so cannot get into II, and il is not
big enough for a child ten years old Thu
drawers shrink so they come up above m
knee, they are 80 small around, and the cloth
'fuls so 1t ia as thick as board, and smells
like soap grcese. Oh. how / suffer. Again |
will give the underclothcs to the hired man
ana o pGy t s0me tb soit Knit goods;
burs that seem to come or the sheep, and
every little piece OF burr seems 70 ~ OK cru
ely into my skin, and not only wish | was
dead. but wish the man that made the un-
derclothes was dead, and that the sheep that
raised the wool, with the pickers in IL, were
dead. Lust year n friend stecred me onto
some sort OF camels hair underclothes, and
whom felt of them thought was fixed but
after wearing them day found that each
particular camePs hair in the goods was "A
hogs bristle, put In so the sharp end would
perforato me and was wild aud wanted to
XIII my friend. J have tried all the different
kinds Of underwear that were ever manufac-
tured and after wearing IL once have given IL
away, unit every man that works Tor me is
wearing my underclothes and / have sent car
lOaus OF It to relatives all over the country.
Am victim of rough drawers aud sand pa
per lined undershifts and shall go TO my
grave scratching my back and legs and cus--
ing somebody. Now, you seem to be perfectly
coDtentei and 1T your ease, what do you wear
for underclOthcs2"
81 don't wear any" said the friend, rs n @
omptied the glass OF beer and raped on the
table for more. "Everv fnll I have house
painter come and paint my body good warm
color-terra costa is my style this fal-rub
IL down with sand paper and sheilRc and put
on a coat OF varnish and / am warm and com-
Portable all winter"
"You are a condemned liar" said the one
with the underclothes, aud they shook dice 10
see who should pay for the lunch.