Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1886-11-27
Rreyitles.

A philosopher says: A girl should marry
for ErotectiOn-not for revenue only.
It looks rs if somsbody would have to be
put on the Bulgarian throne and kept there.
New Haven News.
1t is now N derstood why the French acad-
envy made Il. de LeSseps an Immortal"
They wished to give him time to construct
the Panama canaL-Rehoboth Sunday Her
aid
Young boys st9machs are always in apple
pie Ortler.-ROchester POst-ExpreSs.
When you meet a defeated candidate talk
OF the Crops-refer to the weather-inquire
after his family-go back even to the revolu-
tiouary war, but don't speak Of the election.
Have some mercy on fellow human being
Detroit Free Press
Kate Field asks: "How many women marry
a good man!' Only one, Miss Field, only
one, if the good man is true to his reputation.
Life
John" said the proprietor Of the beach
restaurant, you'll have to take spade and
20 down TO the beach and try to find a clam.
The one We made the Chowder with is miss
ing Been eaten by some of the guests, L
guess. By jingo, these city folks want the
earth. Boston Courier.
The 6Sherman's favorite musical instru-
ment is castanct- YonkerS Gazette.
Barnum has the greatest show on earth;
but his chances in Heaven are no better than
those Of other circus people.-Picayune.
This way, gentlemen, to the American
| dwarf, To be seen only through ahundredfold
magnifying glass; totally invisible to the
naked eye - Fliegende Batter.
They were at the circus: Have You ever
seen Mile La Rue's great featH mo" she
| replied. as she ChicagOan or St. Louis
woman t'-MerChant Traveller.
Maternal instinct Mamma Ito Lucy, who
has stumbled and smashed her dolls head
Don't cry, my dear: it can't be helped.
Lucy-Oh, mamma dear! you don't know
how feel; you've never lost child.-Judge.
As for little Joe, he would eat the ripe
peaches i'm direct diSobedience, too. His
love for them Overcame everything else. In
despair his mother said: Joe, if you will do
so. l shall perhaps lose my little boy; for
Won will certainly be sick and die unless you
obey me-" If l do die" joey responded
cheerfully, Il guess they'll be glad to see me
come 10 heaven, II bS ~ AUi' VI PNNA>N'''
Exchange.
Ellison saws that no experiment which he
has tried at night ever failed Now what we
want To know is, did Mr.. Edison ever try at
night to find the matches in his bare feet
without disturbing any of the furniture or
stubbing his big toe against seventeen differ
ent obStructiOnS-New Haven News
What VIC want is not to see ourselves as
others sec us We want to have others see Us
as we see ourSelves.-Somerville Journal.
She and he had been listening to the music
of the insect world. Arthur" she exclaimed,
breaking the noisy silence, show delightful,
and vet how sad, is the monotonouS chorus OF
those toadStools" "ToadStOOlS, my dearF
replied Arthur; Il think you mean crickets"
Eyes, crickets; that's what mean. l knew
it was something to sit on."-BostOn Tran
script.
II is stated that funerals cost three times rs
much as they did forty years ago. Funerals
may come high, but people will have them
Life
Why does the beauteOus maiden seem
SO wearied aud so yeNedH
She's lust found out the tale will be
Continued In our next"
Merchant Traveller.
An hour glass is made smallest in the mid
die. 1t shows the waste of time.-The Critic.
aIiberty's mouth is just yard wide,' an
exchange SAYS. But the most notable thing
about it is that she always keeps 1T shut
Observe, she!-Buffalo Express.