The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-10-14
WIT AND WISDOM.

II was at country Sunday School picnic where
great quantities of the regulation eatables, chiefly
ample pies had been brought for the children to
eat. Little Mary Jane, from away back in the
hills was there andiwith her mother, who kept an
eye on the child constantly to see that her behav-
Presently Mary Jane was observed digging into
an apple pie with her knife; whereupon her moth
"Mary Jane Bealsl'
f'What, ma amp
"What be you a-doing?"
"Eatin pie, maam."
What be you a-eatin' it with?"
"Knife."
eatin' pie with your knife, Mary Jane? Take
that pie uD in your hand and eat it as you'd ought
If you are tired taking the large oldfasbioned
gripping pills, try Carter's Little Liver Pills and
take some comfort. A man can't stand every
thing. One pill dose.
Grandma-Clara, do you think your mother
would approve of your sitting upso latei
when Frank left last t evening ys.'' $3.50
Grand dina your grandma happened to be
hear him say, 'Now. Clara, just one?"
The frequent and painful disease, rheumatism
can be permanently cured by Salvation Oil.
Thirty-three years have passed since the intro
duction Of Dr. Bulls Cough Syrup and it still
stands unriyalled. Get the genuine. Price 25c.
Cautions Deaeon-Our people desire extempore
sermons. and yet you persist in using notes.
furnishing pastOr-My dear brother, as never
have any notes in my pocketbook 70 use you
should not object to my using notes In the pupil
Try Carriers Little Nerve Pills for any case OF
nervousness. sleeplessness, weak stomach, indi-
gestion dyspepsia. &C., relief is sure The only
nerve medicine for the price in market. In walls
at 20 cents.
W. H. stackpole, the author of good story,
Farewell" now publishing in Belgrayla, makes
one OF his personages say; Let me tell you that
in London for every one Jew there are dozen
Gentiles who are money lenders; and whereas the
jew is generally fairly straight man of business,
the Gentle is generally an unmitigated scamp.
The Jew means business-you can rely on his
word. AS a rule he lends his own meney-his
rate OF interest depends on the security you nave
to offer The Gentle, on the other hand IS gener-
ally man whose only idea of business is to lie
like Ananias."
Health of woman is the hope of the race. Lydia
E. Pinkhams Vegetable Compound is to be had
at the nearest drug store for dollar.
A Sunday school teacher visited a school for
feeble minded children in a Western State and
talked to the inmates very earnestly on the SUP
iect of prayer, and urged them to form the hablt
Of praying every night. few days afterward
one of the boys was overheard to say to another;
Johnny, did you say, your prayers last nght?,
'No didn't; nor didn't say them the night
afore; nor didn't say them the night afore that
and what's more, amt a-goln to say them-l
amt one of the skeery kind"
yegetne has cured so many cases of scrofua
and blood humors that its value is unquestioned.
The best family cathartic medicine is DR.. Soule's
Pills. They are perfect
"Did you see the butchers parade?" asked the
snake editor of a casual caller yesterday after
noon.
sssee that man throwing sausages at the
crowd?"..
"WeI, never sausage thing before"
"Hal Ha! Pretty good. I'll surprise my wife
with that when get home"
When the casual caller arrived at home he SAID
NV dear. in the butchers parade today there
was a man throwing sausages to the spectators
eyes, and never saw anything like that done
Neither did II
He waited five minutes for bis wife to laugh, and
then went out to wonder how he lost the COM
bination
The breath of chronic catarrh patient Is
often so offensive that he cannot go into society
and he becomes an object OF disgust. After
time liberation sets in the spongy bones are at
constant source of discomfort Is the dripping OF
fhe purulent secretions into the throat sometimes
producing inveterate bronchitis, which In Its turn
has been the exciting cause of pulmonary disease
The brilliant results which have attended its use
for years past properly designate Ely's Cream
Balm as by far the best if not the only real cure
for hay fever, rose cold and catarrh.
Agnes-Did you see the big shark mister? The
hotel man saw him out here yesterday
Guileless clam digger-Yes, mum, he was fght
of the pint about ten minutes ago, an the sea ser
pent came along and swallowed him. go
Agnes [triumphantly) Now, Alfred, dldn't
tell you sol What do you think Of that? ,,,,
Aifred-What do | think OF 1t? why, |
think we have struck bigger liar than the hotel
keeper
Any lady can obtain Mrs Lydia L. Pinkham's
pamphlet, "Guide to HEALTH" by sending stamp
to Lynn, Mass, also photograph of Mrs. Pink
ham.
Brown-Deacon Smith is reporting about town,
Robinson, that you were out cunning last sunday
Robinson-Well, Deacon Smith will get Mmselt
in trouble if he doesn't look out. It's mistake.
Brown-Im glad to hear You say SO, RoDlnson.
4 didn't think you were man to go cunning on
Sunday. -.
Kobfnson-No. sir l did not go cunning last
Sunday and, if necessary, I've got the hsh TO
prove It.
A Mevv Woman Craze in the East.