The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-05-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

Catskin (N. " National Bank.
A correspondent of the Philadelphia
Neus insists that Philadelphia must be
called provincial so long as the stamp
window in the post-office ''closes up for
an hour" while a man goes Ito get his
supper.
Yes said Boston man, bitterly,
sit was terrible marine disaster-ter-
rible! | lost all / had. ;" 81 didn't
know that you were on board the Ore
gon," said another Boston man. Ore
gon? I'm thinking about La Blanche
N Y Sun.
A candidate for office rode up to a
house in Gilead, H., and asked for the
head of the family. Hes down in the
field" said the latter's wife, ''burying
our dog" what killed the dog?" ask
| ed the ofice-seeker. HE killed himself
barking at candidates" The candidate
rode away.
| The Electrical ReUieao gives the fol-
| lowing AS the latest result of misleading
of the long and short intervals that go
to make up the sense of a telegraphlc
message: '.Cog hog to rog. Jags is not
1OO." What was intended to be con-
to Rome. James is not well. :"
30, Uncle Ned" said Johnnie, 1--WE
had just funny time at church this
morning" "a funny time at church,"
Yes. All the members of the choir
were at the party last night, and there
was not one of them at service. p" what
did YOU do then?n 'Why, we had to
sing without music "-Harper's Bazaar.
II want my picture taken," said
new and pompous congressman, enter
ing gallery on the avenue. Very
well, SIR responded the proprietor.
do you want a small card or one OF
those fine large ones. sir?" "a fine
large one, of course" responded the
Congressman Indignantly. What do
you take me for?" 80, ah, apologized
the photographer, Il take you for 81
dozen, cash in advance. y Washington
| Critic.
There was three-year-old child in
Philadelphia last year who had heard
her parents discuss hygiene until her in
FAINT mind was soaked with the subject.
Then one day her dear old grandmother
said-meaning to give Bessie piece OF
cake-"Bessie, what do you always have
after your bathpn That child regarded
her grandmother for moment with in
curing eyes, and then boldly replied,
"Reactionr' Positive fact. Philadelphia
Bulletin.
We are glad to have our customers
and friends call at any time for the pur-
pose of reading the papers or on social
call, and will do all we can to entertain
them. But we cannot afford to be devil
ed any more by a crowd of whisky
drinkers, card-players and loafers. Every
letter of this notice means business, and
we hope all persons, guilty or not guilty,
will act in accordance with the request.
SprimgpLace (Ga.J Times.
Il wish, papa, you were as rich as
Mr. Could" remarked a 6-year-old boy
to his paternal ancestor, as the latter
had Just concluded reading the account
of the railroad strike, in which the name
of Jay Gould figured very extensively.
sWhy so, my son?" queried the father
as he looked over the paper at the little
fellow o cause Mr. Gould gives his
little boy cents every day. st Paul
Globe.
"What is it?n asked the waiter in an
uptown restaurant as he contemptu-
ously poised a dime, which the gentle
man had given him, on his index finger.
what is it? Why it's a - Well, FL
be hanged said the gentleman, inter-
rupting himself and putting the dime
back in his pocket, eff didn't think l
gave you twenty dollar gold piece!
beg your pardon. It's my mistake. .
~ Y Life.
The Imagination of 3-year-old boy is
often stupcndous thing. One can't
help wondering how much child of the
age believes of his own big stories This
one for example: Il went out in de front
yard dis morning." said Benny, land l
saw nawful big horse up in tree,
and | looked gun and | shooted it,
and looked it in the house and my
mamma picked de fedders off it and
cooked it for breakfastr'- Boston
Record
Local statesman-This thing of ar
resting men because they 90 into bust
ness must be stopped; if they keep on
they will soon have the whole party in
jail. Henchman-What businessmen
are they arresting now? Local states,
man-Why the men engaged in the
aldermanic business, you fool. Hench-
man-O, yes, | forgot; the fact is, this
country is gettin' to be no place for a
white man; the kid-glove fellers are be-
ginning to kick.-N Y. Tribune
Only few weeks ago a Washington
paper printed some resolutions passed
by colored society on the death of
brother, who was shot on a neighbor's
premises and in close proximity to the
chicken coop. The resolutions in print
said he had gone to that land where
chickens, sorrow, pain and death are
felt and feared no more" The next
day the paper stated that chickens"
was misprint for sickness. South
Bend (Itad.) Tribune.
Yes" said he to his neighbor across
the fence, 1.-The laboring men are in the
right 1t was time for them to rise
against the tyranny of capital. Down
with all tyrants, | say John
Henryr' shrieked shrill voice from the
kitchen, ARE you going to hang out
that clothes-line, and split that wood
and draw that water, or shall l have to
come out to you?' Yes, Mrandy," he
answered meekly, I'm going right
about it. ''-BoSton Courier.
Simmy Tuffboy keeps his eye open
and knows what is going on fairly well.
Rushing into the kitchen the other day
he shouted: Il say, ma, hurry up and
gimme suthin' t'eat. I'm goin' to Join
the Knights of Idleness." "You needn't
| trouble yourself about that You are
idle enough as it is, and there's nothing
in the house for you to eat until supper
time. "All right l shall boycott you
Just as soon as you sew up this rip in
my trousers" He was put to bed until
the necessary mending was DONE
Hartford Post.
Manager-And what do you say to
eight hours day, Alexis? Alexis--Eight
hours, boss? Great Ian, dat amt 'nuff.
You dom have no consideration fur
/ work in man no how Eiobt