News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-01-21


are veritable slave to your wife. Now,
he should fix the line somewhere" "
Il know it; l fixed it last night, Twas
the doleful response.
"You did, eh2 Glad to hear it."
eyes, 1 fixed it. 1t was from the
back stoop to the henhouse, and con-
tains yesterdays washing. ."-Binahams-
ton Republican.
NECESSARY INFORMATION.
Hotel Clerk-Excuse me, sir, but you
are Col. Blood, are you not2"
| Col. Blood-Yes, sab.
Hotel Clerk-From Kentucky2
Col. Blood-Yes, sab.
Hotel Clerk-Room 444.
Col. Blood-Yes, sab.
Hotel Clerk-Thanks, Colonel. The
three bottles attached to the wall of
your room are hand grenades; their con-
tents are to be used in case of fire only.
THEY DO.
onsonby-Education Don't tell
me! America is far behind Europe
Why, sir, look at France, for instance"
Ponsonby-Well, sir, even the little
children there can speak French
Phila. Call.
NO TIME TO SPARE.
Robinson (brcathlessly)-D-don'ts stop
me, p-please-b-big hurry.
Brown-Which way?
Robinson-H- home l-left trousers
wore llast week-b-b buttons sewed on
f-forgot p-p-pockets.
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
CARE you asleep, Bobby 2" "Why,
ma p because it's time to take your
medicine. "Then, I'm asleepI"
''THE Mikado of Japan never wears
garment that has been washed" The
same, we may remark, is true of the
American tramp.
A SHARK was recently captured in the
East river, near the Brooklyn Bridge,
and everybody is wondering why he
wanted to leave Wall street.
SOME Inqulslt1ve person wants to
know why fire engine is always called
''she. We always supposed il was be-
cause ''she" had such long tongue.
PARsoN Downs confesses that he
''don't know in advance what God is
going to do" If he did, he probably
wouldn't feel so clipper. Boston Post.
A CALIFORNIA murderer went to the
gaIlows with cigarette in his mouth.
He died soon after. We have always
contended that cigarettes were un-
healthy.
SOME unscrupulous fellow has forged
Mr.. E. P. Roe's name to an inferior
story Mr.. Roe's name has frequently
been found attached to inferior stories,
but it was not forged. -BjnghanatOn Re
publican.
''MRs. McCoRKLE, are you in favor of
home rule 2" asked an Irish lady of her
neighbor 'Indeed / am, replied Mrs.
McCorkle; 81 think every woman
should rule her own home. I've ruled
mine ever since was married"
A STUDENT of the Dime Novel;
"Come, now, BERTHE, kiss your little
sister and make up with her," said
mamma to her ten-year-old boy.
'sWhat the Pawnee Chief bow low to
pale-face Cry Baby! Mother, you ask
too muchr'
A LITTLE fellow of four years went to
a blacksmith's to see his fathers horse
shod, and was watching closely the
work of shoeing. The blacksmith be-
gan to pare the horses hoof, and think
ing this was wrong, the little boy said,
earnestly: ''My pa don't want his horse
made any smaller"
SCoTCHMAN - "What'l y hae 2"
Frencnmen-' vii take drop of con-
tradiction." Scotchman - "What's
that 2" Frenchman-''Vell,y you put in
de whisky to make it strong, de water
to make it weak, de lemon to make it
sour and de sugar to make it sweet.
Den you say, Here's to youh and you
take it yourself"
''MY child, it is necessary you should
decide between them" ''But can't,
mamma" ''You love them both 7'''
"Dearly." "Well, which has the
largest income 2" "Henry has $75 a
week and George has only $40" ''Then
do not hesitate; marry Henry" eyes,
but George has very large perquisites,
mamma, and you know" ''My darl-
ing, perquisites don't last, and So
week is large interest on prospective