Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1886-08-05
How a Married Woman Goes to Sleep.

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There is an article going the rounds
entitled "how the girls 60 to Sleep"
The manner in which they 60 70 sleep,
according to the article, can't hold a
candle to the way a married woman
goes TO sleep, E. ~ !.
Instead of thinking what she should
have attended to before going TO bed,
she thinks of 1t afterward. While she
is revolving these matters in her mind,
and while snugly tucked up in bed, the
old man Is scratching his legs in front
of the fire and wondering how he will
pay the next months rent. Suddenly
she eXclaims:
"James, did you lock the door,"
(Which door?n says James.
1.-THE cellar door," says she.
mo" says James. 1fi 'aa'
"Well, you had better go down and
lock it, for heard some one in the back
yard last night -...-.z,z.- 80
Accordingly James paddies,down the
stairs and locks the door. About the
time James returns and is going to bed
she remarks:
"Did you shut the stair door?p s
mo-" says James. e.
"Well, if it is not shut the cat viii
get up into the chamber
"Let her come up, then, says James,
ill-naturedly. EEE q
nMy goodness, nov' returns his wife,
shed suck the baby's breath"
Then James paddles down the stairs
again and steps on tack, and closes
the stair door, and curses the cat, and
returns to the bedroom. Just as he be-
gins to climb into his couch his wife
observes:
"I forgot to bring up some water.
Suppose you bring up some in the big
tin.n f..
And so James, with o muttered curse,
goes down into the dark kitchen, and
rasps all the tin-ware off the wall In
search of the "big" tin, and he jerks
the stair door open and howls:
"Where the deuce are the matches"
She gave him minute direction where
to find the matches, and adds that she
had rather go and get the water herself
than have the whole neighborhood
raised about 1t. After which James
finds the matches, procures the water
and comes upstairs and plunges into
bed. ''... ''''- '''l
Presently his wife says: L...o
"James, let's have an understand
ing about money matters. Now, next
week I've got to pay"
~ don't know what you'll have tt
pay, and don't care" shouts James, as
he iurches around and jams his face
against the wall, "all I want is Sleep"
"That's all very well for you," snaps
his wife, as she pulls the covers vicious
ly; "you never think of the worry and
trouble I have. And there is Aramin.
ia, who, I believe is taking the mea'
sles.n
+" Hereupon she begins to cry softly
but about the time James is falling into
agentle doze she punches him in the
Iribs with her elbow and says:
"Did you hear that scandal about
Mrs. JonesM ,. ..-.-..r
"Where?" says James sleepily.
"Why, Mrs. Jones'" ..,-...
"Where!n inquiries James. 4 r..
II declare" said his wife, "yOu ART
getting more stupid every day. You
know Mrs. Jones that lives at No. 81
Well, day before yesterday Susar
Smith told Mrs. Thompson that San
Barker had said that Mrs Jones hat
Here she paused and listened. JAIME
is snoring in profound slumber. Witt
a snort of rage she pulls all the cover
off him, wraps up in them, and lay
awake until a. M, thinking how bad
ly used she is. ''.,' -
And that is the way the married wo
man goes to sleep. ..s ..-