Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-07-15
Added BY HOT WEATHER.
Disastrous Effect of Very Warm Day on the
Human Brain.
Chinapn News

Chicago News.
"Hot enough for you? Warm day, amt
it? How's this for hot! Rather warm,
eh?"
These are few of the most aggravated
meteorological chestnuts to which the
average man has to submit in the summer
and which he himself uses everytime he
sees person he knows. The practice,
begun doubtless in mild sarcasm some
ages ago, has grown to the most fearful
proportions, injecting every class, every
trade, and every profession. 1t is not
confined to the ignorant and the witless,
but can be heard in the ranks of thinkers,
lawyers, preachers, politicians, men of
letters, staid business men, clerks, Ia
borers, street car conductors and beg
CARS.
The inclination of the American to So
ciable garrulity has something to do with
it. Although eminently man of bust
ness, he is ever ready to stop on the street
and waste several minutes with a man
whom he knows but slightly and that
only in business way-in such brilliant
repartee as this:
'Hello, Jones!'
'Ah, there, Smith,
''Hot enough for your"
81 should smile. I'm sweating like a
horse!''
''You bet! It's scorcher."
swell, must be getting along"
$50 must I. Keep COOL"
'I'll try"
''Well, so long!"
"Take care Of yourself!'
And the two idiots part, only to meet
other idiots, and go through the perform
ance again with slight variations. And
this in face of the fact that the thermo-
meters are indicating 900 in the shade.
So long have they gone through this rig
amarole of idiocy that they fail to notice
the superfuity of their remarks.
And they haven't originality enough to
keep their mouths shut.
The practice has become almost unen-
durable, and strangers so often apply it
to you that one is often tempted to reply
in the same strain as did Burdette,wh
friend told him it was cold. The humor-
ist unbuttoned his coat, began tanning
himself, and said:
II don't find it So"
''Pretty good sleighing," rejoined the
other.
NO" said Burdette, ''there is no snow
and it's very warm and dusty"
The granger moved off step, and
said:
IF you amt crazy you are an awful
liar"
Good man." said Burdette. II expect
I am, but [ am not a fool [ may tell
startling lies, but I do not talk like an
ass; and I would be thought liar and
maniac rather than an imbecile. [ do not
come into car where the thermometer
marks three degrees below zero and tell
living, breathing, intelligent, sensitive
man that it is cold. I do not watch sleighs
spinning by and then attempt to instruct,
amuse or startle him by telling him the
sleighing is good. would rather aston
ish man than bore him. In order to
astonish him 1 may have to lie to him,
but that is better than boring him. You
might as we'll sit down and tell me that
twice two is four as to tell me that it is
cold. You might as we'll tell me that
George Washington is dead as to tell me
that sleighing is good. Go away, good
man, go to sleep.
II tell you it is fine; there is no snow;
there is dust, and there are roses. I
walked from the north pole this morn
ing.
go, get thee to nunnery, and when
you can model your conversation on some
thing besides the United States signal SER
vice reports, come and wake me up and
hold me in the matchless charm of your
instructive talk