The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-04-08
1w,1,r AND H-umoR.

| The name of the new Swedish Minis
ter TO. the United States is Kjolt. He
isn't as skittish as a young cjolt, but is
said to have a powerful hjolt on the
English ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Jour-
nal. s 1,8 sgAH
First Dude-'.You look wather pale,
Cholly, me boy" Second Dude-''Yaas.
II feel wathaw offish. Got vaccinated
lyestawday," +. D.-'.Ah! Did it hurtP''
is. mo. 1 took ether. ye know. y
Boston Courier. atsi5
b Come, Jennie, come see the man,
Ehe,s getting milk out of the cows ham
sdles, shouted little city girl to her
tcompanion the other day as their farm
Ter host began to milk one of his
.F'crack" cows.-M Y. Tribune.
! *'Father, what is phenomenon"
asked little Johnny McSwilligen, as he
was looking over his spelling lesson last
night. "a phenomenon, Johnny, is a
chestnut when you tell him joke"
was the reply.-Pittsburg Chronicle.
An Erie street mother opened the
room occupied by her 12-year-old son
yesterday morning about o'clock and
shouted: Il have called you three
times" SIS jack full any goodp" was
the drowsy answer.-CleUeland Leader.
At wedding in Walla Walla recent
ly, when the minister asked the pros
pective husband if he would take that
woman to be his welded wife, the agi-
tated reply was: "Yes, sir-ee-yes, sir
if you p1easer'-Chehalls (Wash. 1er.)
bee.
The new servant-"You are sure Mr..
Blowton is not at homeP" "Wen. /
ought to be. He told me so when took
your card up, and said if you would call
some time when he was out he would
Ebe glad to see you. ."-Phttadelphta
Press.
As Central train was pulling out of
Palmyra New York beer brewer said
to the conductor: '-What kind of vines
are those, conductorP l have noticed 3
great many of them since leaving Bata-
via" 'tHop vines" said the conductor.
N r Sun.
"Have you any reason to offer why
sentence should not be passed upon
Soup' asked the Judge of the female
pawnbroker who had been arrested for
extortion. please, your Honor, I throw
myself on the mercy of the court. am
a poor loan woman. n."-Rdnabler.
One of the witnesses in the case,
when asked question whether the man
was drunk, said he could not tell
whether man was drunk or not. He
could not tell whether he was drunk
himself unless he fell down and could
not get up.-Kingsto'e N. z. Freeman.
'.No," said physician, CDR. B.
is not partner of mine. We often con-
suit together and attend to each others s
business in case of absence, but we are
in no sense partners" 81 see,' was
the reply; che is what you might call
simply an accomplice. ."-LoDeH Citi-
zen.
Brown-"What an interesting man
Mr.. Blank is! He has been telling me
about real estate. He evidently knows
all about it,
Fogg (glancing at Blanks untidy
nails )-sYes, he seems to have the
whole subject at his fingers ends. -
Boston Transcript.
Claire felt as if the ground were Civ
ing way beneath her feet, and her heart
seemed to swell as if to choke her
Newspaper NoUet. Claire has probably
trodden on a banana-skin. When she
strikes the sidewalk her head will prob
ably swell as big as her heart. Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
How old are you?" asked Justice
of the Peace of ''Jim' Webster, who
was under arrest for stealing chickens.
...I dunno" said the darky. when
were you bornp" "What am de use OBJ
my teIlin' you bout my buffday; you
amt gwine ter make me no buffday
presen. IN Y Tribune.
$50 you've been out to the Pacific
coast, ehp Did you see the great gorge
of the ColoradoP" Il th-think so. At
least out at Cheyenne l saw a buck In
dian eat six pounds of bologna sausage,
half a box of crackers, and nineteen
herring without a grunt. How is that
for gorgeP eP"-Hotei Gazette.
Man in a carriage Ito a farmer in the
field)-"That corn doesn't look as
though you'd get more'n half crop"
Farmer in the field Ito man in car
ge)-Don't expect to; I'm working it
on shares" Il mean you won't get
much to the acre" Don't expect to;
only got half an acre" ."-Harper's Ba-
gar
A young girl of 16 years writes that
she suffers dreadfully from insomnia,
and wants to know ''what she shall do
for it-'' Go to sleep daughter, go to
sleep. We never yet saw a case of in
somnia that couldn't be cured by regu-
lar, healthful sleep. That's the boss
medicine for insomnia. = Brooklyn
Eagle.
s.Wbat ,ra 1or xro;t;po for 1;ttla
lboy?" inquired kindly old gentleman
of street urchin w6o was watching
each passer-by intently. ''Waitin' for
a long-whiskered gent smokin' a seegar.
Then I'll follow him an git the stub. ="
''Do long-whiskered men smoke better
cigarsp" "Naw, but dey don't smoke
EN- SO short. IN 7. Times.
Scene-A fashionable West End shop
Enter lady of title. addressing shop
walker: 81 wish to exchange something
bought yesterday Eyes, madam; do
you remember whether you we're attend
ed ON by the gentleman with the dark
mustache or the gentleman with the
light beardp" 30, neither; it was the
nobleman with the bald head. Lon
don Globe.
Solid Father (to his fast son)-''Har-
ry, won't you stay at home this even
iingp"
Fast Son-"WhyP"
: S. F.-Well, kinder thought I'd like
TO get acquainted with you"
, F. S. (sympathetically)- )-"Don't do
it, Guy-don't, I'd hate to cut you, and
I'd have to do it inside of a week. -
Boston Globe.
The offer of Chicago merchant to
pay several thousand dollars per annum
for the privilege of suspending an illum-
mated business poster from the pulpit of
fashionable church in that city has
been respectfully declined. There are
some discouragements under which the
industrial interests of the country Ian
guish that Congress cannot abate. =
Brooklyn Union.
Two clerks in Texas dry-goods store
are engaged in conversation. The
boss said something to ME this morning
that / don't like" s.He often does that.
He don't care what he says" ''Well,
don't like it, and if he don't take back
what he said to me it will be impossible
for me to stay with him." What did
No cauoS, ssuo n,ouo mo ,,of;oa ~ emit