Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-08-11

y n
THE latest word for the man who
does not toss banana or orange peel
on the sidewalk, when it is convenient,
is bananarchist.
follow;ngis posted in the office OF
a Dakota notary public: "For put
ting swearing iron on papers, 70
cents. "-Esteline Bell.
ssIT's g. dridful tonne that [ have
sewing buttons on me own clothes. Ii
was only q married man I'd ask me
wolfe never to allow our son to grow
up an ould batchelor like his fayther."
Texas Siftings.
DR.. OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES used
to be an amateur photographer.
When he presented picture to g.
friend he wrote on the back of it:
ssTaken by o. w. Holmes & Sum-
Detroit Free Eress.
THE phrase in the second volume OF
'sThe Aliens" by II. III. Keenan,, may
serve as a clew to the author nation
ality. "Was leaden-heeled Justice" he
asks, 'sclinching its iron hand for an
other blow ?"-Athen@um.
MINISTER Ito laborer)-"Are you a
Christian ?" Laborer-"Naw; is 8
Swede man" Minister-"Don't you
want to enlist with US and work in the
VINEYARD of the Lord ?" Laborer-
ssNaw; 7 gotted a yob. Union Pacific
Magazine.
Young FEATHERLY had been lmpart-
ing some information to Mrs. De
TOwser which interested that lady
very much. 81 am~quite surprised,
Mr.. Featherly," she said, "to hear of
this. 1t only shows that-that--"
zone is never too old to learn"
prompted Featherly, calamity
Harper's Bazaar.
A PAPER with printed label adj
dressed to Samuel O. Nichols, Now
here, n. H." was received at the No.
Weare post-office last week. On the
wrapper was written: "Do you know
Sam? Try No. Weare." Postmaster
Simons knew "Sam," and the paper
was placed in the proper box.-Con-
cord IN. H. Monitor.
HILARIOUS PAssENGER-"I've got a.
pass over this road. | can get one
any day want it." President of the
road (unracognized) twill you allow
me to see it?" Certainly. Here it
is" t.This is a regular ticket. You
paid for it, "Why, of course did.
You didn't suppose I stole it, Ell? [
buy one every day. I didn't say it
was free pass. philadelphia CaH.
REV. Mr.. BROWN Ito old college
chum)-Well, Charlie, how did you en-
10y the singing last Sundays? Charlie
Flash-You mustn't mind my saying
so, old chap, but not a. great deal, and
it was like the village brook. Rev. Mr..
B.-Village brook! How sol? @. F.
Why, it was full OF fats, dragged at the
bars and never amounted to dam.
Rev. Mr.. B. wonders why he ever
thought Flash witty.-Life.
CITIZEN III search Of summer board
ing-"Your house looks coy enough,
Mr.. Pumpkins. How was it that your
neighbor here lost so many boarders
last summer ?" 'sThey died of typhoid
fever. That ar swamp over thar did
It," "Well, that's frank. And
wouldn't the same fatality overtake
my family in your house?" ''No, sir. "
"Why not ?" "'Cause the swamp
doesn't belong to me. "-Philadelphia
Call.
"MR. SCHMIDT" said q German gen.
tleman yesterday, as he entered a
Pittsburg merchants Office. "Mr.
Schmidt, I haf der schmall pox."
"Great heavens Mr.. Snyder" was
the hurried reply, "don't come here
and the clerks rapidly disappeared In
various directions. "Vot's der mad
der NIT you fellers anyhow" pursued
Snyder, ST hat der schmall pox full OF
butter ond In my wagon vot Mrs.
Schmidt ortered last week alreaty."
A FEW days ago Attorney W. A. An
derson asked in the police court to
have subpoena issued for several
witnesses, including County Clerk
Hamilton, and after the latter name
had "duces tecum" added. This
morning, while court was in session, q
policeman with careworn, defeated
look entered, handed the subpoena to
the attorney, and said: "Ihave served
all but Tecu7a. could not find him.
Nobody knows him. What shall do
about t?-Sacramento (Cal.) Bee.
AT the Temple Place tonsorial trim
mer's Spicer had just settled himself IN
g. chair for summer short cut, when
the artist In attendance threw over
him g. calico apron on which were pic
tured innumerable little greyhounds.
''That is very appropriate" said
Seth. "Vy da you call re little dogs
appropriate, Mr.. Spizare?" asked the
hair butcher as he tucked the apron
into his victims neck until his eyes
bulged. Because" gasped Spicer,
"greyhounds are good to catch the
hare" Such a. silence fell upon the
room that the milliner next door