Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1886-04-08
WIT AND HUMOR.


DWhat Job did he get?" she was asked.
ole Joined a circus and got $40 a week
for putting his head in the lions mouth
twice day. That's all he had to do.
II seems hard he should have died
.Wbat did he die of?r The lion bit
his head of. IN T. Sun.
Fond parent-''Does my son study too
hard that he looks so sorrowfulg" Euri-
nides-''No, par; but the teachers rules
are pretty hard for us won't he re-
lax them?n That's what | axed him,
Int he wouldn't He used to have rub
Der ones; but the new rules are Of wood.
and as thick as your finger" II feel
for YOU, my son. Not so bad rs | felt
for myself, par; but | broke one of his
rules to-day, and next time throw my
slate in" And the ingenious youth
sought to avoid more detailed explana-
tion.-Ca California Mauericb.
Father he said, as he looked up
from the paper to the old man pairing
apples, "here is an interesting item.
"What is it, Ben?n Cotton is the
lowest it has sheen for thirty years.
LANDS save us, is that so? Ii YOU look
ever them ten bushels of Eaters tonight,
and finish Smelling that corn and split
ting them rails tomorrow, you might
60 to town and get me enough cotton to
make new back to this vest. A pru-
dent man will take advantage of such
crisis as this. - Val Street Nel0s.
A friend of mine had purchased a
new sleigh, and as l entered his stable
to inspect the rig | saw my friend draw
sharp stick across the box. | asked
him why he did it, and his reply was:
Everything | get new some one comes
around and wants to borrow il. No
matter how careful | may be, the first
time l loan anything it comes home with
a scratch on it or is broken. Now |
thought, for the satisfaction of the
thing that would put the first scratch
on this new sleigh myself Amt bad
scratch either, is it?"-Aibany Journal
my dear friend" said a long-haired
countryman to the biographical ex-
FOUNDER of q dime museum, 'is that I'M
fortunate being really a caunibalP' and
he indicated South Sea Islander from
Cork who was sitting on a divan.
Yes, sir; that great living curiosity
was captured while in the act of roast
ing a Presbyterian missionary over
slow fire. Great heavensu' oasped
the countryman; cant you convert
him?' Convert him!' said the biog-
rapher with disgust. ''Do you s'pose
the great American public would pay 10
cents to see Christian?"-Life.
well, Mr.. Talmage is certainly
wrong for once, " said Mrs Snaggs,
looking up from reading that gentle
mans last Sunday sermon. How 50,
my dear?" asked her husband. "Why,
he says there are no perfect men, ="
And you think you found one when
you married me, | suppose?' beamed
Mr.. Snaggs. 'Indced, | don't was
the quick reply. But know there was
a perfect man once, and his name was
Marx" "Markn' repeated Mr.. Snaggs
IN astonishment. Yes, Mark. for the
Bible distinctly speaks of Mark the per-
feet man. "-PittSbarg Chronicle
One of the best known professors Of
Harvard College is an instructor in
Greek. A few days ago his wife gave
reception. The evening was passing
pleasantly and the talk was confined TO
Greek art and dress and the language
of the country. Finally sophomore
engaged in conversation with the lady
about Greek art, and pleased with the
attention shown him, looked around
condescendingly to his classmates; then
addressing her, said with a self-satisfed
air: by the way, speaking of Greek
art have You seen the Mikado yet?
Chicago Ramjier
"Sold anything while | was gomez
asked the shoe-storc man OF their new
boy. "Half sold a pair Of boots re-
piled the young man. "Half sold
pair of boots.' roared the merchant.
This is not Il cObblcr shop, you base
plebeianw Il know" replied the noble
lad fearlessly; but man with pes
leg came along, and I sold him half
pair of split leather boots at French calf
prices" The generous merchant fall
tered for a moment, and then fell upon
the young mans neck and wept, cried
like a child, because he didn't get more
for the bOot.-Blt1dete.
A man in London has been sent to
prison for throwing onions at every one
wearing Il tall hat. And Mr.. Labou-
chere Enthusiastically extends his
sympathy to the condemned man, on
the ground that a tall hat is the most
outrageous piece Of headgear ever de-
vised, and ought to be pelted on general
principles Talk Of Gessler's cap, in
deedn' he exclaims. 1--WE worship
hat, and for no earthly reason except
that we are fools. Custom is stronger
than Gessler; its tyranny is stronger
than that Of the Swiss tyrant What
an opportunity for II. r. II. to become
an English Tell!'
Il went down to Ridley villa one day
last week said Gracenote, land sang
for a church down there that was giving
little concert to raise some money.
sang for nothing, and then on my
way to the depot | was arrested for
giving an entertainment without a
license. And, by Joye, sir, the magis-
trate gave me five days for it-fye
days-and had to beg like pity to have
it changed to q fine. what did you
sing?n asked his friend "''Ah, so
fair?' - yes" well his friend
said, thoughtfully, "it was worth it,
every dav of If. You weren't q bit over