St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-06-26
HUNrORs OF THE PRESS.
A Few of the Funny ConceitS of the
photographic Fiends.
THIN r AWvEt'c FIryrTTDN

A Few of the Funny Conceits of the
photographic Fiends.
THE Lawyers FUNCTION.
Tid-Bits
Fair Applicant desire. sir, an absolute
separation from my husband.
Attorney-Upon what ground, madam,
do you base your plea?
''We are not suited to each other. He
does not appreciate the finer sensibilities Of
my more delicately organized nature, and
but perhaps that is sufficient.
Il fear, madam, in the absence of more
substantial cause for complaint, an action
would not le.'
mot lie! It is you, sir, I engage for
that purpose"
FORCE OF HABIT.
Life.
Guest (irascibly)-I am obliged to make
a complaint against the waiter who at
tended me at dinner. He became insolent
when l wouldn't tip him at every course.
Hotel Proprietor (obsequiously)-I must
request you to excuse him, sir. He has
seen better days. and his insolence is unin-
territorial; he was once New York alder
man.
THE SOIL WAS VERY THIN.
Boston Record.
There was living in the edge of Wayland
few years ago quaint and somewhat
original old gentleman of the name of
Adams. known to all the nelghborhood for
miles around by his harmless, but some
times amusing, pecuiarities. ''Gus"
Somerby. whose early death few months
ago deprived the Middlesex bar Of one Of
its brightest lawyers and society of one Of
the best of good fellows, used to tell a
story about-the old gentleman, which will
bear repeating.
The squire was driving towards Wayland
early one summer morning. when he dis
covered Mr.. Adams making his way afeld;
with the necessary haylng tools-a jug
and scytbe--and stopped to have chat
with him. The soil in that part of the
country is very thin and sandy, and the
hay crop always light, and the good
humored lawyer took occasion to remark
| upon the fact and to pity the farmers who
were obliged to wiring scanty living from
such barren acres. The old gentleman
heard him patiently for time, but at
| length broke out:
look here. squire. you're wasting your
| sympathy; amt so cussed poor as you
| think l AMI don't own this farm
| Returning towards evening Gus looked
! out again for the old man, and at length
| discovered him crawling on all fours be-
tween the scattered haycocks towards home
"a method of locomotion rendered neces-
sary by the faithfulness with which he had
attended to the jug part of his outfit during
| the day. Stopping his horse the lawyer
hailed the old gentleman and offered to
come over and assist him to his feet. With
as much dignity as his attitude and general
situation would permit the fallen agricul-
turst waved him away and shouted back:
keep off O. here! faint safe! The soils
so thin here, now the crops off. that it
wont bear man endways; much as ever
it'll keep me up fiatways!"
COULDN'T STAND THE DRAUGHT.
San Francisco Chronicle.
There was shooting case in town some
time ago, and, as frequently happens, a
tender-hearted reporter swas the first
to bear the news to the family of
the man who was arrested for the shooting.
He was greeted by the servant maid who
stood by the hallway, while the door was
open. and heard the news. She tainted,
without any hesitation, in the reporters
arms In a moment she recovered
''Oh, this will be the death of mel" she
moaned.
'Why? Are you relation of the fam
mo-
perhaps you loved the young man?"
''No. But I've just taken mustard
bath, and this draught has given me my
death of coId."
CASE DISMISSED.
Washington Critic.
A young man had been arrested for kiss
ing pretty girl and she was on the wit
ness stand.
You say" said the attorney for the de-
PENDANT, ''that the young man kissed you
against your will?"
''Yes, he did, he did it dozen times
too"
''Well now, is it not true that you also
kissed him during the affray?''
Objected to; objection overruled.
Now answer my question" continued
the attorney. ''Did you not kiss the de-
fendent also?'
eyes. l did," replied the witness, in
dignantly, ''but it was in self-defense."
PoLITENESs ALWAYS PAYS.
Philadelphia Herald.
''Who was the lady you bowed to so DO
litely just now? Her face looks very IA
miliar to me-"
''Oh, that is my divorced wife-my first
one"
WHY, thought you had terrible row
when you parted"
$50 we did. and we are good friends
now. You see her present husband keeps
saloon and she often tends bar during his
absence, Of course, am polite to her.
Whenever l drop in and she is there it
doesn't cost me a cent"
And then he softly whisted, .Should
old acquaintance be forgot?" and his friend
remembered that it is said that when
woman loves man she loves him for
ever.
RIPPLEs
If the BARRIERS close their establishment s
on Sunday, where are the knights of the
razor to deliver their Sabbath lectures?
A reader interested in financial affairs
writes to ask if the eight-holr day applies
to promissory notes. 1t does not. 1t only
means that if you begin early you can get
off in time for the base ball game.
Teacher to his little girl pupil--.sWhere
are you going, Nellie?" ''Papa's going to
take us to Florida again" t.Can You tell
what the capital of Florida isp'' .sYes'nl.
It's the money they get from boarAsrs.o