The Washington critic., 1886-04-30
GENERAL AND CRIrICULAR.


J. Whltelaw Reid is a great editor, but he
gets ratified on the witness stand. POSI-
bly,, no work OF creation is as sweetly in
nocent and ms maidenly modest as man
in the form Of an editor.
Real estate in favored locations in
Washington is worth from Sl5 to $lS
shovelful. In few brief years our real
estate business will be confined to the
drugstores, and purchasers cin get II
only by prescription, in homeopathic lots.
Whenever Congressman gets the
floor and moves ito strike ou, the last
word" he may be relied upon to make
good the loss In a speech OF from 100 to
100000 words, according as an average
may be struck between the allotted time
and his own desire.
"Things have reached pretty pass"
remarked the editor, when he had to buy
railroad ticket
Chaplain Milburn has entirely given up
the hope that he might inaugurate re-
ylval Of religion in the House.
JEFF Davis has fred the Northern heart.
Turn on the hose, somebody, quichI
"Buy some flowers" said small glrl on
the Avenue to Representative Hemphil.
"Well," replied the punster, blandly, ~
haven't botany for long time, and l
reckon I'll go you for small bunch"
What was supposed to he crane OF a
new aud immense species was killed in New
Jersey the other day, but careful examiua
iion proves 1t to be New Jersey mosquito
which had fed all wilter In warm barn
with lot of fine cattle.
DR.. Sundel was society swell who
liked to air his Latin. He had taken an ac-
quaintance to call on Mrs. Parvenu, and the
man had never gone back again, and when
the lady saw the Doctor she asked him
about 1t.
"Ah, Doctor" she said, "where Is your
friendY"
"Not my friend, madam" corrected the
Doctor; "hc was merely q quonddm ac-
quantance"
"Sirr exclaimed the lady, in Mortified
amazement. 81 don't know the relation
existing, but If you cannot express yourself
in ladies' company without profanity you
had better follow your friend"
Senator Beck says "there is no patriotism
in trade" VIII any Senator say there is no
trade in patriotism?
The graves of Congressman Foran and
| O'Neill will be strewn with olive branches
on Decoration Day.
| Postmaster Veazey is aiming blow at
more of the most popular diversions of the
Baltimore dude. He has decided to sub
stitute dog carts FOR wagons in collecting
the mails, and the dudes are in distress
| They will have to give up their dog cart:
or run the risk of being mistaken for "hor
wild working persons"
| A Congressman when he tries to be funny
represents the centre of gravity.
|
IN the House yesterday on the yellow fever
We make this announcement for the bene6
of several hundred Members who were no
listening to the Doctor and probably ar,
still in the dark as to what he was talkin.
about.
lie was looking for rich wife ant
thought he was on the trail.
81 love you,n he said to her In rich warn
tones, "more than | can tell you fl
words.n
"You'd better try flgures,n she replie,
coldly, for she was not SO green us sh
looked.
There are some Congressman so eager +
have any and every water course in th
country looked after that they would eve
vote TO dam the water in their whisk
toddies.
In July will lie the time when nationa
legislative news will be put under the hea
Of Congressional Summery