The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1886-04-14
NEWSPAPERS FOR NOTHING
A Gau.y story about the Importation Of
brains frOm Ohio,

A Gausy story about the Importation Of
brains frOm Ohio,
Yesterdays Cincinnati Enquirer has the
following alleged special dispatch from
Macarthur, Ohio:
The Republican National Campaign
Committee have hit upon a novel plan for
capturing West Virginia from the Demo
Gratis between this and the next Preslden-
tial election. While 1t may not, aud prob
ably will not, succeed according to expeC.
tatioA, 1t is nevertheless calculated to at,
ford Ohio q great deal Of much needed re-
lief.
At Macarthur Junction fell in with a
mysterious Republican missionary, who
came over from Washington on the Gin.
cinnati, Washington & Baltimore, aud
who gave me an inside view OF the truly
original scheme, can only account fol
his commandments on the theory that
hs was inisled by my good looks. Speak
ing OF the political condition Of things, he
said:
"Tho trouble with us in West Virginia
hRg Rll along been the lack OF braina on
the Republican press oil the State"
"Whst Gind OF Republican editors have
you hsd?' inquired.
odd fools; mountain oysters, with
ideas no bigger than aqusils eye"
"Why don't you raise better species ~
eve can't raise EN- over there, 30 we
are going to import them from Ohio"
"You don't tell mel You aren't coming
over to Ohio TO gather up brainey Repub'
liCan editors, are you"
1--WE are for TACT,
"Ihen the hidden and unknown re-
sources OF Ohio are something asEonish'
ing" | said. "What success are you
meeting with, aud what inducements dc
you oaer?"
an tell you about that. You see, we
have raised fund with which we intend
TO purchase every Republican paper in
the State. AS soon rs we secure one, OF
some other gentleman come over to Ohio
and find an able Republican editor. HRv.
ing found him, We give him the paper fol
nothing and set him 10 work making Re-
publcGns.
"Haye you hauled any OF our great edi.
tors hence" inquired, withill.Concealed
apprehension.
Eyes; we've got one already"
"Who is ho2"
"Hon. F. S. Purcell, formerly Post
master at Logan, and editor Of tho ReOub'
liCdn. GdEette. We bought the STATE lribuR,
at Charleston and gave 1t to him, and he
IL going to make it hotter than tsr-kilu
for the Democrats In the State Capital"
"Over here after another editor, are
your" !,
"Four Of ,em, begal, sir; four Of 'em y
"You don't tell mo2"
Fact, begad, sir. We've bought out
four more papers, and I'm looking for the
pilots. Gould you tell me where I'd be
likely to find them2"
Having no grievance against tho people
Of West Virginia, l begged him to exCusg
me from making any suggestions, II
owed them grudge, however, and wanted
TO pay 1t OF with compound interest, and
the missionary would take my advice,
could select q guartet that would make
lie burden TO the hardy mountaineers.
mention this conversation as q pointer
to the able Republican editors ID Ohio
who are signing their souls away for new
worlds 10 conquer. II they will address
sealed proposals TO the Campaign Commit
tee, they will he able to get a newspaper
for nothing. II this work Of transmigra'
ton iB thoroughly executed, we may ex
peCt some wonderful results within the
next two years. The Democratic majority
will be run up to 20 1000 in West Virginia
and there will DO such a surcease oil slush
in the Republican press Of Ohio that Life
will be clothed with new attractions.