Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-12-08
NEWSPAPER WIT.

JUDGE to the p.aintiff-"Who was
present when the defendant knocked
YOU out? pa Plaintiff was" Chi
cago Herald.
"GATH'' says that when he first be-
gan newspal work he used to blush.
Things are changed now. Others blush
for him.-San Francisco Alta.
AN exchange says start your boys in
the right track. That's easier said
than done; it requires considerable
switching sometimes-Boston Post.
OLD party-"If I had so cents and
gave it to you to get changed in order
to get O. penny, what would be left p
Street Arabian old man" -Texas
Siftings.
In the country-"And is the air
healthy in this village?" Excellent,
monsieur, excellent. One can become
q centenarian here in q little while. %
From the French,
REGULAR caller-"I'd like to see
your father, Tommy, if he isn't en-
gagged" Tommy-"He is; but what is
the matter with Clara? She isn't en-
gagged. "-LoWeH Citizen.
"WHoM shall our daughters marry ?"
asks the Woman's Journal. Well,
dear, they might begin with q man,
and if he don't answer they might try
cigar sign.-Jersey City Argus.
"WHAT is celerity?" inquiries a sub
scriber. Celebrity is the quality a man
exhibits when he gets up out of q chair
on which his wife had by mistake left
her needle cushion.-New Haven News.
AMONG the appropriations by the
Hawaiian Legislature We notice, "To
Koolapoka, $4,000" If it cost that
to cool it, heating it must be bur-
den to the tax-payer.-San Francisco
Alta.
THE boundary line between Connecti-
cut and Rhode Island has been fixed
at last. Rhode Island gained about
two feet and a half, and now wants
another member Of Congress.-Wash-
iDgton Post.
HARD on Chicago is the Grand
Rapids Mich Herald, in saying that
Chicago can't have g. ''Statue OF Liber-
ty" like New York, cause the statues
nose is four feet long, ard of course it
couldn't stand the smell of Chicago's
two rivers.
A MARYLAND paper chronicled the
sad fate of Mr.. Bunting, who was run
over by a train and had 1.-TWO of his
legs cut off," If Mr.. Bunting ism t
more economical with his legs, first
thing he knows he'll have to go lame
Burdette, in Brooklyn Eagle.
STAGE-sTRUcK lady (anxiously)
Isn't the expression little sad? Litho-
graphic artist-You vos going to daig
dot Migado on der road, amt it?
Stage struck lady-Yes. photographic
artist-Vell, dot pordraid will be yust
like you in about dree weeks.-Tid
Bits.
INePIRE0 by a rival concern: "Get
me little alum, my DEAR" said
Brown to his wife; "my mouth is full
of sores" s'I am very sorry, love-"
she returned, "but haven't g. bit in
the house." DWELL, them" was the re-
signed reply, ''give me q little baking
powder. THE Judge.
ssTHE car is full of alumni" whis-
pered Miss Beekonstreet to her friend
from the West, as they both journeyed
Cambridgeward in the horse car.
eyes," said the Chicago girl, "and how
it chokes one up, don't it? I wonder
they do not open the ventilators -
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
"WHo held up Moses hands while
Joshua Fought" asked the superin-
tendent. "Hur and Aaron" shouted
the good boy. "She and Aaron, +"
softly corrected thenew school ma am,
the strong point of whom was gram
mar.-FOund in the Buffalo CONNER
cha, but believed to be indigenous else
where.
or Goldfish dis mawnin', Mistah Sugar
sand ?" Grocer-''Trust you to cod
fish, Uncle Rastus7 No, sir. You
owe me now for a Goldfish you bought
nine years ago. Why don't you ask
me to give you a codfsh?" Uncle
Rastus with dignity)-"Kase Use too
proud ter beg, sab. New York Sun.
"Do you know 2. Reader, the mail
carrjer?" asked q young man last
evening. "There is no carrier named
P. Reader" replied the urbane man
at the desk, "there's a carrier named
P. Roosa." "That's go, that is his
NAME" replied the young man, "but
then it's much the same thing-P.
Roosae-P. Reader. "-Elmira Gazette.
PArIENT-"Oh, doctor, I can't get
any rest at all. My eyes won't close
at night and l can't sleep" Doctor
81 guess We'll fix you up all right. Be-
fore you retire at night put your feet
in hot water. 1t is very eficacious."
Patient-"Yes, but confound it all, it
isn't my feet that won't sleep; it's my
head" Doctor-"Oh, well, soak your
headl"
RICH but penurious hostess to poor
society friend-"I notice that square
dinner plates are the thing now, and
I've ordered ten dozen; but Pm wor-
ried about one point in servings dinner
with them" t'What are you in doubt
about?" Ought | to serve round
steak in these squarep Iates?" "That
depends. There may not be enough
to go round, Judging from the dinner