Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06
MINING JOURNAL.
HUMOR.


A BUTToNLEss coat-a coat of paint.
OFTEN obliged to run for dear life
stag.
A scENrsIBLE business-the per-
tuners.
WHY is woman deformed when she
is mending her stockings? Because her
hands are where her feet ought to be.
WHY was the Egyptian of olden times
a really filial kind of fellow? Because
he thought great deal of his mummy
lar in this country. Even dignitied
men go down to meet it on the pave
nett.
The ioker's task is thankless one,
after all. Some people never apprec:-
ate good point. For instance, you
take the schoolmaster and the pin.
JUDGE-"Has anything come to your
ears about this quarrel?" Witness
II should say 80. | got nv ears boxel
for talking about it to the neighbors. p"
TEXAS SJtings.
A CHICAGO minister preached last
Sunday on "What can [ do to be
saved?" 1t would seem that about the
first move would be to get out CT Chi
cago.-EStelline Bell.
"AND you say the defendant didn't go
on the stand?" mo, his counsel
wouldn't let him. He never opens his
mouth without putting his foot into it. -
"Oh-hes O gymnast, is e?"-Ttd-
Bits.
The American girl can't sing any
better because she comes home with
her name done over beyond all recog-
milton into bad Italian, but she can
charge higher prices for the orchestra
charlottesville Journal
"YEs," said the mother, complacent-
1y, "Mary's married well; she's got for
husband a porter in a sleeping-car.
There was horseshoe hanging above
our door when she was born, and l al
ways said she would marry rich. Dos
ton Courier.
@WHERE is the female department? ?"
asked the visitor. "ls none" replied
the Sheriff; "never was a woman pris-
oner in this Jail" SIS that possible?
You amt married man, I reckon, or
you'd know that you can't shut wo-
man up"
Il THINK old Judge Pennybunker is
marked Gilhooly to Hostetter McGin-
mis-. us he so lazy?" "Lazy! lazy is
no name for it. He is so COMPOUNDED
lazy that it tires him to keep up with
the earth when it turns on its axis. y
Teras SJtings.
"How Is this?" said man, address,
ing q justice of the peace. jackson
was arrested for murder, but you are
trying him for hog-stealing." "My
friend, the justice replied, "it is true
that the man committed murder, but
he stole n hog. In this country first
try man for the greatest offonse. -
Arkansaa1 TTareler.
"YEs," said the mother. MARY is very
ambitious. She VOWS she will marry
foreign count, or some grandee of some
kind. and she wants to be accomplish
ed" accomplished? "Yes. Moth
ing will satisfy her short of being fitted
to become the wife of nobleman. :"
"And are your educating her?" "Yes !;
I am teaching her how to wash and
iron. -BOstOn Courier.
THE BoARDER'S PUNISHMENT.
The boarders at breakfast We're jolly, alas.
Slid Jones, you had better the oleo. pass,
Then funny Smith cried, I'm hash aimed OF
you Jones,
For getting up plate-do tripe picking these
bones"
Il woke cup and saucer the sun beef fore you ,
Jones grinned, IAN egg sample you ought to
pursue"
And then took q napkin, you pass q leek?
Brown shouted a-luyins in food for week.
How can knife fork get chew" smiled Green to
MISS White,
This liver of liver you'll find is just right
We'll, l mustard NIT sir, you're very well
bread"
And that's why you cut him so often, snooks
said.
Lettuce mocha segar." Jenkins tried filling up,
When the landlady caught him, with glucose
his cup.
20, what mis- steak" snapped out Podgers,
he means
pipe, as for mocha-he doesn't know beans y
The landlady's turn came as sharp as @ sword
Now stop all this nonsense-you see 1 kan
board
And for your bad puns will punish you so
You'll get no more food till all pay what they
owe"
II. c. Dodge IN Free Press.