The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1886-11-10
WIT AND HUNIoR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
At a mountaineering in a country
town not long ago young convert who
was by business milkman, arose to
speak. just at that moment one of the
brethren started in with the hymn:
shall We Gather at the River?f-
Pack
We were in the basement of the Cap
itol. BOOKING at the heating and yenti-
lating apparatus. The colored atten-
dant pointed to a thermometer. saying:
THAT instrument will tell YOU the heat
and cold of the House OF Representa-
tives, and that one Cpointing to bsro-
meter viii give You the helnalLtty of It
-Ha1pers' Bazar.
J. E Blaben. president OF the Port
land (Me.) Board of Trade, tells a story
about a Portland drummer who staid
over night at hotel in a lonesome
part of Washington County. In the
morning he asked how much his bill
was, and the landlord said S125. isn't
that little high for supper. lodging.
and breakfast?n asked the drummer.
Guess not, replied the landlord
You're the only customer I've mad in
six months.
Il want he said, as he helped him
self to light lunch of cheese, "a quart
of Medford rum for bathing purposes,
half pound of sugar, and four lem
ons. You know what l told you,
MIR. Ssugg," said the grocer. i resan
the insult perfectly, Mr.. Soper, but this
time / want to pay cash" He got his
goods and was walking toward the
door with them when the grocer said:
Here you. Mr.. Slugg. / thought you
wanted TO pay cash?' 80 do" re-
joined the other. ''bnt, unfortunately, l
can t Puck
Ma can't see yau,' said Cass ave
nue. girl of 10 as a peddler assembled the
steps. is she at home?n YES, sir;
but she's very busy 'Will you ask
her to step to the door?" mo, sir.
She's upstairs trying on her bathing
suit before the big mirror When she
gets it on she's going TO pose. If she
looks statuesque we're going to the sea-
shore If she Just seems TO be common
we're going out in the country to Uncle
Williams. Please 90 away and don't
disturb the poses. Detroit Free Press.
Some time ago a teacher in charge
of a school in West Georgia county
was approached by pupil and request
ed to explain the meaning of ''49 b. c. y
The teacher read the sentence in which
the hieroglyphies ocoarred, and obser-
we'd that it referred TO an incident that
had taken place in a remote period.
''Ahemi" he said, them figgers an
them letters is frequently found in his
tory books. You see, a long time ago,
folks didn't know s much S we do,
an they sorter guessed at dates. Now,
'49 b. c. means 10 bout correct. -
| atlanta Constitution
Just to think of it, Miranda" said
! the old maid returned from a visit to
her country sister, there was only one
| passenger beside me in the stage COM
/ ING from Chestnutville, and he was a
man had never seen. Only think of
| having TO ride ten miles in the dark
alone with a strange manr' why, you
! poor dear" exclaimed the sympathetic
| sister Didn't you feel like screaming
! out for very fear?" mo, child, l can't
say l did L think l felt more like kneel-
ing down and thanking Heaven. -
SomerUtIie journal.
Binks was sitting on the piazza the
| other afternoon, watching u very pom
derous lady coying wi h the surf on the
beach below, dipping first one elpehan-
/ tine foot in the water, and then the
other, when suddenly she lost her BAL
ance and fell, with wild shrek for
succor. DO you know what that re-
minds me off" said Binks to bystand-
/ er. No Woman" Then Binks
| turned sadly away to see if he could
find pretty girl anywhere around to
whom he could make himself agreeable.
Boston Herald.
Bobbie and Rube were playing ball
! together one morning-the former at
the latter's house-when Bobbie, having
had an early breakfast, began to feel
/ the pangs of hunger. and was for mo-
| ment perplexed as to how he could COM
/ municate this fact to Rube without
breaking his promise to his mother
never to ask for food at neighbor's g
/ house. And then he triumphantly solv-
ed the problem by proposing, 80! don't
let's play ball any more. Let's play
/ something where we have to eat y
Hdrpers' Bazdr.
Young Mrs. Winthrop Ito old Mr..
Winthrop) I'D like $500 this morning,
John. Old MIR. W-Five hundredl 1t
seems to me that you are pretty dicta-
| torial for a Door girl who never had
anything at all till she married me.
/ Young Mrs. W.-Well. | must have
something to repay me for the sacrifice
l then made Old Mr.. W.-Sacrifcel
Why, woman, every one knows
bought you. Young Mrs. W.-Yes, Mr.
Winthrop, you did-on the installment
plan-and you have not paid up the
| first installment, yet. just hand over
that $500 on account.-Ihe Rambler.
A Brandon journalist about to be
married learned that another person
was very anxious to take the bride
groom's place in the proposed ceremo-
ny, and in order to prevent any under
hand work he borrowed a shotgun. and
for week before the day fixed for the
wedding day he kept watch nightly
over the premises occupied by the girl
of his choice, in doubt as to whether a
| funeral or a marriage was the more
| probable event Fortunately, how ever,
no opposition offered. he was duly mar
ried per arrangement, and sent home
the shotgun on the following day
Toronto Globe.
The Saunterer was coming down the
elevator at the city-hall the other day
with two well-kfown ward politicians.
One of then was an office-holder, and
his companion, who was was
questioning him about the disagreeable
features of his position. Il suppose, y
said he, you know how to turn these
fellows off pretty promptly that come TO
you for places?' 30 yes, was the
tolerant reply; Il get rid of them very
easily now" ''Ahl you are pretty well
hardened, then" suggested the other.
'.Hardened'' was the answer; ''by the
piper that played before Moses, am
macadamizedr r'-BoSto9s Budget.
The clock had struck midnight in the
residence of a congressman and still
the young man in the parlor did not go.
The young fellow had been away for
two weeks and the girls father was
willing that he should have fair show,
but this was too much, and at last he
went to the head of the stairs and list
ened a minute. ..Molliep' he called
sharply. Yes, papa came the sill
very voice of his child. with a slightly
smolhered accent. 1T is after Il
o'clock ..Yes. papa, and we're doing
all we can to expedite the accumulated
business. We will adjourn by-and-by,
papa" The helpless father. unable to
answer the argument, returned to hi
bed in tears Washington Critic.
There is nothing in the world tha t
shows the Unborn tendency of mankind
to run in rut than the architecture OF
the modern shirt So said young
man of iconoclastic tendencies. ..For
years mems vests have been buttoned
almost up to the chin. and the little
piece of shirt front that would be left ex-
posed has been covered by a necktie-
And yet men 90 on we ring shirts with
fronts down to the waist starched and
ironed till they're as stiff as q boiler