Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-05-03

10 female Sut1raglStS 1t may be SuS-
gested that woman-not her wrongs
needs redressing.
The man who broke into a farmers
smoke house and stole two large hams
was indicted for big-hamy.
Women are liable to make mistakes,
but the one hasn't been born yet who
would mis- take plnsh sacque for seal
skin if another woman had it on.
GIVE run piece of wood under my An
ger nail,' said an old married man to his
wife. ''Ah," she sneered, "you must
have been scratching your head
In one species of spider, the female is
three hundred times as large as the male,
and after the marriage she eats him, and
there is ever after peace in the family.
Joy never kills. A man has even been
known to survive the shock of finding
a forgotten five-dollar bill in the watch
pocket of his last summers pantaloons.
"Smith is honest, isn't he, Mr.. Stamps?'
ooh, yes" replied the postmaster, "hon-
estest man in the village. He has to be !;
amt a man in the country that will trust
HIM"
The railroad companies want to lay
their tracks with hardened sleepers. One
of the New Haven ministers says that his
congregation has material enough to set
up whole parallel road.
A "three-year-old" discovered the
neighbor's hens in her yard scratching.
In most indignant tone she reported
to her mother that Mrs. Smiths chens
were "wiping their feet on our grass
Miss Fussanfeather drank a glass of
milk at Mrs. Crimsonbeaks last evening.
When asked her opinion, she said it was
just heavenly. She explained to her ma,
when she got home, that she said so be-
cause it was so blue.
A small boy in Springfield, Mass, who
was considerably annoyed recently by
the dust, which interfered with the fun
of the marbles, said at dinner; "Mamma,
hope there will be folks enough born
this year to use up all the dust there is.
A Jamaica man who has managed tC
| get rid of two nervous wives, advertises
| for another help meet, and announces
the quality of female he requires "Want
ed-A woman with sense enough to stant
still and not howl when grass-hoppel
is crawling down her back
''What did you do the first time yol
got into battle?' said young lady to
an old soldier. "Of course you didn'
run!' 'Oh, no, didn't run, miss; no
at all. But if 1 had been going for
doctor, and you had seen me, you woult
have thought somebody was awful sick.
French gallantry is proverbial. gen
tleman, replying to an invitation to
dinner, writes "Madame, before thank
ing you for your kind invitation, permi
me to apologize for sitting down to ad
dress you in my shirt sleeves. The hea
of the past few days must be my excuse
Fond mother-No, I'm not going to al
low Nellie to come out in society unit
she can do it we'll. She must have tn
best debut or none at all. Father-Well
I'll see how debuts are quoted this morn
ing, but can tell you this much-thi:
will be the first, last and only debut II
ever buy for her.
81 wish I were yon STAR he sal,
dreamily. $50 do l." she returne,
promptly, heroically swallowing yawn
"And why, dear one," he asked impul
sively, "why do you wish l were vol
brilliant orb?" Because" she reptile,
in cold, matter-of-fact Bostonese tones
"Because yon brilliant orb is just ii
760,97l miles away" And he faded 81
iently out like mist before the summe
sun.