Arizona weekly citizen., 1886-10-09
Which Is He

drunk or ls a c1ndldate for St0ckton.- Star.
 Well I neverl The great light, who presIdes over and sits on the editorial rocking chair of the Star, has deigned to notice me, such a worm as T. Ny for tune is made. Come down, On Jupiter, in your night gown. or vha. looks like It by your photograph, and on your spav- ibed knees, do homage to this prince of editors! And you, Minerva, wise Goddess of the Grecisns. not the greasers, come down also. along with the old man. that is, your daddy Jupiter, three steps at a time please, We are n hurried sort of hurry. Better dress in American style though, eighteen button boxtoed spring heeled gloves are all the rage now. If you appeared before hIm, in the apparel you usually wear, he, the editor. might take you for the ghost Of Hamlet or, worse still, for Q maiden just come up out of the Silver Lske bathing instltu- tion, Maish, proprietor. the best of liquors always kept behind the bar twhy always behind? Why not once m a de- cade on top of the bart) the freshest of lager beer and the finest hsvanss con stantly on tBp-the beer of course, the beer. Mars. great God of war, step not l m the arena with thIs giant quIll driver. Your sword may be mighty but his solid rolled gold, eighteen karat. emery point ed, ,mentiou-tbis-psper pen Is still might | fer. Think not, oh Achilles, that the waters of the Sty have made thee in vulnerable, for one glance of this great mans eye, for which the lightning takes off its hat, and stands uncovered until 1t passes by, would make thee turn back, with dropping feathers and dirty | socks perhaps. Beware, 0. Beware | They might be yonr last pair, and | doubt whether your credit Is good at Lonergsn & Holmes. Play, gentle zephyrs, with the golden locks of tbIs starry editor. or with the remnants of the ones, he los. m the days Of yore, ID the goneness of the long ago Hinder, returning the same to this office, shall be suitably revard and no questions asked Rejoice, oh Darwin, for We have found the missing link, beg pardon sir, | beg pardon, the comIng man, should say. I feel big and no mistake. \ | Dutchman, not yet B years of age and, | thanks to the editor of the Star, already | monument before the American peoplei | | never shall mention any more that l | am distantly related to President Cleve- ! land, Never, DO never-hardly ever. | How distan. Adam could tell If he were still alive. How have the lovly risen! | I, who washed my face m an empty. fifteen cent two fora quarter because i lt-is-you tGke-thrse sR-dine can. and wipe myself on the door of my house. | We'll. what Is queer HbCut that? the | door Of my house is made out of can yas. Only but yesterday I a;e cooked l beans for breakfast, fried beans for 1 tinner, and warmed ID fried De ans for supper, aui now-well the hot weather has vInegsred what was lefs and my doc tor has positively forbidden mo to t 4 | beans pickled. Thanks to the ecitor of the S.ar, 1 am pushed higo, tsr a5ove the companions of my youth (Rather lone- some though, snd the sir too ihIn in this aiti'uie.) But my aim IS to go still | aigher l feel l Rm going up, going, eoing, gone; whereiO? Gone to put more water on the beans 1 mn cooking now. Young men. take me for an eX- ample. Seek ye first the editor of the Star and you may strike the biggest bo.
 nanza yet: Psalm ll9; edited by David. lis other name 1 have forgotten. No
 matter, if you have to eat beans now. you may get there yet, if ss late ss in the sweet bye and bye. They may blost you a httle-tbe beans not the sweet bye and bye (nO madam this joke li' not for sale. 1t IS a heirloon)-but there are lots of men in the same pre-
 Iicament who fare exceedingly we'll.
 Bond holders for instance. My eyes
 grow dim, my happiness Is too great
 Large drops of tears are coursing along my downy cheeks. q bad some tooih- | ache. 1t swelled my cheeks, but they are down now.) Faster they come (bold up your umbrella or you'll get wet; J gracionsl One drop fell on this writ
 ng. Reader, if you can't swim, put oD
 your life preserver. My goodness what | hall l do with my tears. They have
 soaked my last handkerchief, and have | already hung out three to dry. And
 such hsndkerchiets. They are made
 out of fifty pound four sacks, with 6 picture of mill m the back ground, a
 locomotive ID the middle and team of
 horses ID the foreground. and marked by Seligman < Go. What great
 cIuntry this must be where a man can
 oak up his tears with Los Angeles
 flour mill, locomotive and horses thrown
 ID, and wipe his eyes on a corner of 5eligmsn < Co! How wet that mill s My, don't those horses sweit.
 They are sorrels but look more like
 cuestnuts now. We'll, I thought SO.
 The flood has entered the fireboI. the tire IS ont, and the locomotive has stop ped, short, never to go again, when the
 ,la man died. What am l taking l 4b0ut? Uutil the freshet goes down. of course. How shall l ever show my gratitude to you. DOblest editor of the
 Star. Grand old man, not very old, ID sort of a green old age as 1t were; Cvery green. but still with s young and
 fresh intellect (decidedly fresb.) II ever grief or care cone knocking st your door, by the great Scott, don't open, le- them stay out; never mind their knock
 ,ng. tie up the bell; if they nevertheless enter through 'the keyhole in the door, ''
 then call on me, and by the crooked legs
 4 the hooked nosed Moses. l shali Ie lIeve you of them, and perhaps of the
 small change you might have about you. Msy.the blessings of Beelzebub
 rest hghtly on your bsrefooted head
 tabOut 2Dllbs tn the square inch, but
 don't scare though. ''pIDhead' does
 not present many square inches of sur fsce,) and msy the lake. that used to burn of fire and brlmstone, but since
 Edison. with a hundred million incan- descent csndelpower, dynamytical dy ns- . mo, not entirely consume your habeas-
 corpus.i Hurrah for the editor Of th'
 Star. hurrah. 'rah, 'Rshl Whoop- CT
 up. Whoop Ia,
 P ]. G. MAscH.
 Drunken candidate for Stockton democr.
 ticket
 "Hsbe6s, from hseeAs from jsceBs,
 from iscksss. A noble animal. Easily
 kept oD tin cans and gunny sacks.
 Corpus from carpus from csrpa from carp. An all-vster foodfsh. Thrives equally well in ice as in boiling water.
 The great German national dish; eaten
 with garlic. ssstoetids land liInburger
 and favored with the smell Of a glue ! Drrt sr,f g--