The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1886-07-23

Clara-"Last evening he referred to
new pair of shoes that he had just
bought. He got them size too large.
No young man in love ever buys shoes
too large for him. ~ T. San.
The Washington Republican says
there is no place on this footstool where
better liquors are sold than under the
dome of the Capitol. And it is safe to
say that nowhere on this footstool are
there better and more experienced
Judges of liquor than can be found UNI
der the dome of the same Capitol
Norristo,0n Herald.
1t is reported that the cowboys of
Western Dakota will Join the general
strike. When they do, any man being
appointed Deputy Sheriff to help ar
rest them can send his address to the
leader, and one of the boys will be de-
tailed to go around and shoot him Mt
his own residence. No publicity. Death
guaranteed in every case. - steI,tae
Bell
"No," said n bankrupt merchant,
sadly, advertising doesn't pay. tried
it lust before / failed, SO know what
I'm talking about" What newspa-
pers did YOU advertise inpn mot any
newspaper pasted 500 dodgers on
barn Just out of town, and I'm II sinner
if n wind-storm that same night didn't
scatter that barn over u ten-acre cow
pasture. Don't talk TO me about adver-
Using. IN T. San.
In leap year japanese girls who want
husbands set out tiower-pots on the front
portico as an emblem. Such a custom
in this country would exhaust the floral
contents of many Conservatives. AT
present all young man wants to know
is whether the young woman has ane-
mono. He is always ready to marigold
but not quite so much SO, perhaps, as
the young lady.-Norristoon Herald.
Mrs. Parvcnu was ut u very exclusive
affair on Sixteenth street the other even
ing, and the hostess was asking about
her daughter. whose health has not
been good. 90" said the lady, "Mollie
is not improving rs | should like TO have
her. You see, the doctor told me she
ought to try calisthenics. and I've been
to every drug store in town, but can't
find bit anywhere. sent to New
York for some, but haven't heard from
there yet. - Washington Critic.
The boy had been in the habit of go
ing to the old ladys residence each sue
ceedng spring and raking and cleaning
up her yard. This year he went as usual.
The old lady asked him what would be
his charges Two dollars, num-" he
replied. How is thatp l never paid
you but 81 heretofore" well, mum,
YOU see labor is capital, and we must
insist on our worth" The old lady
cleaned up the yard herself, and sent 81
to the missionary society.-Albany Jour-
nal.
There is large-sized unpleasantness
in church that does or rather did exist
at Oconee, Ga. The members were
living together tremendously and own
ed n neat church. All was peaceful till
the preacher and the deacons started to
arguing the prohibition question, and
then the parson got so mad that he
turned all out of church who disagreed
with him. Then the dethroned deacons,
not to be outdone. went to the church,
turned the parson out, and locked the
doors. Now there is dearth of ecclesi-
astical instruction in that town.
'What is q walking delegate pap"
ale is man, my son, who is paid to
90 around to tell men to strike. " Don't
the men know enough to strike without
being toldp" ''No, my child. They
are too busy at work to discover that
they are being oppressed. The walking
delegate, not being at work, has time to
find out all these things" docs he al
ways walk, pap" mo, precious, he
never does He rides and the men pay
for it. Now. run away, my son, and
some other day will give you another
lesson in labor. "-Philadelphia Call.
There seems to be a difference be-
tween Cincinnati and Chicago reporters.
Sam Jones says, II don't understand
why you newspaper people are so hard
to reach. | should think you'd be easy,
seeing that you see so much of the hol-
lowness, sham, and wickedness of the
world; but you amt. can reach you
as newspaper men, | can touch your APP
probation by smart or witty sayings,
mayhaps, but you are awful hard to
touch as men. Your hearts are difficult
of access. Now, in Cincinnati l con-
verified several reporters, but in Chicago
/ could not touch one with Il forty-foot
pole"
The late venerable Timothy Dodd of
Boston boarded for long time at the
American House. He stood in front of
the hotel one day when stranger rush
ed up and screamed out 81 am in great
haste to get to the Fitchburg depot!'
looking Mr.. Dodd in the eye. "What
did you say, sirp" asked Mr.. Dodd very
mildly, and bowling low. Il am in
haste to reach the Fitchburg depot!'
screamed the stranger louder than be-
fore. Mr.. Dodd, again bowling and
speaking in that mild way of his, then
said: II hope, sir, that you will not al.
low me to detain you for one minute. "
Boston Traveller.
The contribution box was being pass
ed in certain congregation by worthy
deacon who was very deaf. Near the
front sat man who was VIGOROUSLY
stingy, but who put dollar bill into
Il. L A. ILL l. 4