The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1886-04-02
VOL. XXXI----NO. IL.
VARIETIES.
We shall be sifted till the strength
OF self-conceit be changed at length
no rOaalnnca TOuUTsIIngp

|
| To meekness.-LORqJellO1g.
There's q woman at the bottom of it I"
as the man said when his wife fell into well
An editor complains that times are so
hard that he can't even collect his thoughts
| TO act upon determination made in
anger is like embarking in vessel during Il
| storm.
What is philosophy ?" Well, dear, it is
something that enables person to bear with
resignation the misfortunes of Others
| Pascal divided the human race into two
classes. "The righteous who believes them
| selves sinners, and the sinners who believe
themselves righteous"
-"Our forefathors," said Upper, chad
| clocks put on the outside of churches that
| they might not be late in getting to service
we put the clocks inside OF the churches lest
| we be late in getting out"
An indignant summer eXcursionist
writes that looking over the side of his canoe
he esped swapping turtle on the bottom of
the lake, and on the back ofthis attraction
was the advertisement, Gents ready-made
clothing marked down low"
Old Mr.. Bently-"I see by the paper
to be published SOON" Old Mrs. Bcntly-
Does it say who wrote it ?" Old Mr.. Bent
lly-"No." Old Mrs. Bently-"Well, it's per.
iecty scandalous. | spose it was that man
Ingersoll"
AN American tourist was visiting Naples,
ana saw Vesuvius during an eruption. Have
you anything like that in the New World ?"
was the question of an Italian spectator
No. replied Jonathan, "but guess we have
mill dam that would put it out In five
minutes !"
-Customer-"Arenty you afraid to leave all
these clothes hanging along the sidewalk with
1xy To oh, I'll, 49,
would be afraid somebody would steal them"
Dealer-"Shteal doze CLOTHES Mein Hmmel,
no (confidentally) Wy, mein friend, 1 dell you,
sells doze Clothes so sheap that id dosn't
bay to stheal them"
The spire of village church, seen in the
distance, gives charm to the barrenest land
scape. Charming says: can humble spire,
pointing heavenward from an obscure church,
speaks of mans nature, mans dignity, mans
destiny, more eloquently than all the columns
and arches of Greece and Rome, the mauso.
leums OF Asia. or the pyramids of Egypt"
-"Oh, mamma, you'd be surprised to know
into what she said was the apiary. What do
you think saw there ?"
u don't know, dear"
why, nothing but lot of beehives.-
There were no apas there; not even a
monkey"
1T beats all creation" muttered Mullet-
head, what pains swindlers will take to beat
honest men. Here, some one has saddled q
lead ten cent piece off on to me-"
Cant you pass it again ?" timiGlly sug-
gested his lesser half.
Pass it, he shouted ;"Why, the thing is
as black as my hat No, I'll have to put it
in the contribution box"
The Importance of little things is seen
9VprVwbnrn Tho fr,o1ya
the little worries miserable Cents make up
the dollars. Little savings lead to riches
little eXtravagances to poverty The small
est wheel in watch is necessary for the per.
Torrance of its work, and the details of bust
ness are necessary for its success. But so
many wonder why their efforts are crowned
with failure, when much of it can be attribu-
ted to neglect of the little
-Gentleman-"1 understand that you're
going to marry an heress, 'Rastus"
'Rastus-"Yes, sab. Miss Johnsing am
reported to have fo'ty-seben dollahs in de
bank, sah."
Gentleman-"Is it love match ON her
part, 'Rastus? ?"
Rastus-"I doan 'spects hit is, sah 1t am
well Established fact, dat my gran.mudder
wah muse TO- Geo'ge Washington, sab So
L marries Miss Johnsing TO- her money, and
she marries me TO my blood"
-"Boss," said coored man to one of our
citizens yesterday, "dar's a pig in yo' we'll"
well, why didn't you get him out? ?"
"Caze l was teerd I'd be rested fur try
in ter steal de pig"
outg r'e
"De job am wutf bout as much as de pig
is"
All right. The pig is yours if you get him
out"
"All right, boss, Golly," he unused, as he
went out, "wisl I'd drove two pigs inter dat
empty well."-Chicago Sun.
The new craze is the fir pillow, consist
ing OF an unbeached cotton case filled with
wigs of the fir tree dried in the sunlight
The pillow case is of linen, canvas, satin, or
plush, according to the taste and the pocket
Of the maker, and upon the surface is en-
oroidered likeness of the fir itself, or some
emblematic motto, such as "Give me of thy
balm, o fir tree" The pillows are said to
have soothing effect on the nervous sleeper,
giving sweet and dreamless slumbers as if by
magic.
"A citizen of a town in Canada, widow.
sr, recently married the young woman who
lad been doing his kitchen work. The event
produced great social flutter, and it was
resolved by all the ladies to give
Ter the coolest kind of cold shoulder. The
bridegroom probably anticipated something
If the Sort but went off on his tour undis-
urbed in mind. When he returned and got
,ut the reception cards a up. s." gave the in
ormation: THE bride has fallen heir to
80 900 by the death of an aunt in Scotland"
The rush to call upon the bride broke down
he front steps and both knobs of the front
loors, and as each lady backed out to take
Ter departure, she said: Now, my dear Mrs
Blank, do return my call right away shall
re 80 anxious to see you"