The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-10-14
BreNitieS.

Inconvenience is the father of invention
! Whitehall Times
A hit in time saves the nine on many ball
feld-Newark Call.
Tobacco chewing is so popular in Illinois
that movement has been inaugurated TO
change the name of the lake city to Chew
cago.-Life.
The superintendent of a county fair in Ohio
economical time, space and paint, by putting
up the sign, "Gr& St&." That's good n
sense.-Burdette.
1t is sight to make angels smoker to see q
fisherman pull out of the water two-inch
sucker with an outfit that costs him S25
or $30-Boston Transcript.
Garments without buttons" are advertised.
Evidently the cast-off clothing of bachelors
who don't know how to handle thread and
neede.-Norristown Herald.
If the genius who informs you now that the
days are growing shorter is not careful he
will stumble over the equally valuable fact
that the nights are growing longer.-New
York Graphic.
Boston Girl-What do you think of Emer-
son, Mr.. Wayoff! Mr.. w. from CincinnatD
WELL Billy used to sing pretty well, but he
never was as funny to me as Billy Rice or
Charley Backus Chicago Rambler.
Someone is said to have invented a sub
stance that can be seen through more cledrly
than glass We don't know what it can be
unless it is a mans excuse to his wife for not
returning home before z a. m.-New Haven
News.
Geronimo is not pronounced Gee-ronimo,
but Heeronimo, says a morning editor.
Hood hracious; what is he hiving us! What
hay and hiddy style of talk this hentle-
man would het us into. By hosh, we won't
have it. Ho to! Ho to!-Washington Critic.
Milwaukee has summer school of philoso-
ply, which is now in session discussing the
"Henceness of the Wherefore and the Correla-
tive Tooness of the Absolute Utter" The re-
lation which these burning questions bear to
the price of beer is of urgent Importance TO
every citizen of Milwaukee Philadelphia
Press.
Two friends meet in the street: "My dear
fellow, l have Just left my landlord. You
wouldn't believe it, but l had the hardest
work in the world to make him accept a little
money" "Well, that is an unlikely story. /
S0Oulu call IL ulSuiy lllpiODdDlc' DuO why !!
@Why! Because he wanted good dealI-
It'd Bits.
/ do recall pedagogue
Who would, whenever riled,
Proclaim MY mottos spare the rod
And you will spoil the child"
Ibid observe, however, as oft
With this we were beguiled
The rod was not so very spare
With which he spoiled the child.
-Yonkers Gazette.
You may break up habit, but it won't
avail much; you must throw the pesky thing
away. neck and heels, if you want to get rid
of it, If you throw away the first letter you
only anglicize it to 'abit," the second, and
Won have bit" left, the third, lit" still re-
mains. and even when you discard all but the
last YOU have the original to "t."-Cin-
cinati Graphic.
The scene is a young ladies' seminary.
@Ab.n said one young pupil to another in tri-
umpb. my mamma gives me penny every
morning for taking a spoonful of cod liver
oilr @And what do you buy with the
pennyf eagerly returned the second girl in
tone not devoid of envy. 49," returned the
former speaker, II do not spend it all; mamma
nut, # away for me every day to buy more
cod liver oil with. London Figaro.