News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-11-18

"Maria, l wish you would. keep stiil-
said Brown, trying to write. roy ou
tongue is like Tennyson's Brook, it goe
on forever"
'Humph!' answered Mrs B., indig
nantly, 81 suppose you think that's
Joke"
'Well, meant it for sort of a gag.
NO NEoPHYTE.
When you tell her she's the sweetest,
The prettiest and neatest
Maid you've met, and that the ground sh
walks on you adore,
If you hear her murmur Gratis ~
Then be very cure that that's
sign that she's no neophyte, but has beer
there before.-BoSton Courier.
wRoNGFULLY ACCUSED.
Magistrate Ito prisoner) Have you
ever been arrested before, Uncle Rastus
Uncle Rastus sab.
Magistrate How many times
Uncle Rastus Well, bout fo'ty,
giss, but yo' Honah, one of dem times ]
wuzzent convicted. Dey proved me as
lnnercent as er new bon babe.
TIE NEW PASTOR
GLOW do you like our new minister ?''
asked young lady of old Mrs. Brown.
Don't like him at all; he Is not near
so soothing and restful as old DIR. Som
nolent. Why, felt tired all Sunday
afternoon after the sermon. l didn't
get wink of sleep"
MATRIMONIAL COMPLICATIONS.
II am going to go to your wedding,
amt 2" said one girl to another.
Il amt sure about your coming to
my wedding. My folks are in such a
rage about my wedding that l amt sure
they will even let me go to it, TeraS
Syttngs.
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.
Old Mr.. Bently (reading the paper)-
| see that Solomon has been indicted
for bigamy.
Old Mrs. Bently-Well, it's bout
time. The idea of man having seven
hundred wives.
THE VALUE OF MONEY.
Citizen-I didn't think, Uncle Rastus,
that you would sell your vote for small
amount of money
Uncle Rastus (indignantly)-I didn't
sell my vote fur er small mount O.
money, sab. l got er dollar fo' hit.
BASE USE
"To what base use has this lot been
put ?" asked the minister as he paused
before a well-tramped bit of ground.
Base ball" yelled the small boy. with
a knowledge born of experience.
SLEEPING.
A tombstone in a cemetery at Angus
ia, Me, is said to contain this inscrip-
ton:
"After life's scarlet fever
He sleeps WELL"
ODDS AND ENDS.
THE girls will be pleased with a uni
folm marriage law if the uniform Is
pretty and there IS man in it.
"DoEs you husband get salary for
taking up the collection in the church
every Sunday, Mrs. Deacon ~ "Well,
not exactly; but never need to buy any
buttons for the children's clothes"
A POOR man frequently talks about
how much he would do for his fellow
men if he were rich. After he strikes
oiP however, he generally forgets that
he doesn't represent the entire human
race.
IT is said that Fair Haven oysters
have been damaged to the extent of
$500, 600 by the cold rains that fell in
July. If oysters don't know enough
go in when it rains, they must expect
TO be damaged.
JUDGE-"How is it possible that a
man can so far forget what is due to his
wife as to hurl a wineglass at her head ?"
Prisoner Honor don't know my
wife" Judge-'I have not the honor.
Prisoner-"Ihat's what supposed. II
you knew you would ask me how !
came not to hurl the bottle at her."
A YOUNG lady was giving an account
the other day, of an extraordinary indi-
v1dual whom she saw during her vaca-
tion ramblings this summer, and was
pressed for a description of him. "Oh,"
she said, ''it's useless to attempt to de-
scribe him until you've seen him, and
when you've seen him there's nothing to
say -
A RESIDENT OF a suburb of Philadel-
phia traded his white COW for a black
one. His small boy, not understanding
the dickcr, had this information for his
father when he came home that evening:
"Papa, they've took our white bessie
away, an put an old black in there, an
l tell you, sir, if there's any black milk
on the tea table tonight l won't drink