davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27
MERCANTILE HYPOCRISY.

Tn a store Merchant (to clerk)- Did you send Hammerton his bill again this week?"
 Clerk" Yes sir.
 Merchant" What did he say?"
 Clerk" Said he would be around and pay it"
 Merchant" That what he has said for the last six months. Hes the big gest liar in this town. He can never get ten cents worth on a credit here any more. reckon we'll have to sue him-sh-here he comes now"
 Merchant" Good morning, Mir Ham, merton, glad to see you, sir. Won't you sit down.
 Hammerton-" No. thank you called in to settle that bill
 Merchant-"W What bill-oh, yes Why, sir, I hadn't thought of it. You see, the collector has charge of the bills and I pay but little attention to them. Thank you" (receiving the money and receipting the bilD Gall again, Mir. Hammerton.'
 Hammerton-" am little pushed for money at present.
 Merchant-"T That makes no differ ence, sir. none whatever. Whenever you want anything give us call Good morning"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27
WOULDN'T ARoY.

Judge GaHin discovered old Deinps standing near his kitchen window. talk ing to bjs cook
 What are yon doing there7' the judge demanded
 Verrin' wid dc lady sah She wuz mcr wife fore ii" wah
 cant help that. dont want you to come around here
 Wy so boasy wbuts don't ter in. t.rfcrc wid yrr1
 You tramp down the flowers and eat all the cold vicinals That's what you do
 Wy Judge. bow ken eat yer yhI. uIt.7 1 ain't nebor been in yer kitch. ehT
 Oh. Iye seen the cook hand out pan. ful after painful What makes your mouth so grrasy7"
 Evaporation, sah
 Well, what makes that ham bone stick out from under your coatY
 Oh sss.- dat dar ain't no use srgy. in wid yer doan min argyin wid CT man dafs got p'intr an gogafy. but I woan waste rner pref wid er pusson shat ain't got no reason erbout him"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27
COULDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

Literary man to his promising son want you to write something. for 1 intend that you shall make your living by your pen
 :" 1 don know what t0 write
 Makes no difference. write some thing and let me read it.
 But, father, l can't say anything
 Well, then, write an article on the American tariff
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27
PLANTATION PHILOSOPHY.

Ever friend k lost by hate; eyer friend is won by love
 Er man ken dress mighty fine an yet hab CT mighty shabby mind
 Little things + mo ter be fccrd den big ones It's de little bird dat whups de hawk
 Brabery am no sign q sense. De game rooster will fight tell he dies, but he ain | got ez much sense ez de guinea chicken dat won't fight nuthn
 Some preachers put me in mine Q CT tailor dat makes CT coat ter suit hissc' an den trie. ter make ernudcr man Wa it whuther if fits him UT not
 Oar ain't n0thin filthicr den CT chicken nur cleaner den CT cat. but aint gwinr ter fling erway de chicken ca SC it's filthy, nur eat de cat ca -e it'- clean
 De meddlin sort 0 man generally makes de bc4' citizen Yer kaint chop much wid TT dull axe. but den CT axe ken be so sharp dat de corners will hang in de wood
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27

An exchange speaks of certain cases of murder as being merely mechanical The man who commits mechanical mur- der doubtless kills an engine.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27

In New Orleans the wells are on the tops of the houses This is said to be a great convenience for it is easier to draw water down than to draw it up
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27

Many Of the leading newspapers say that Secretary Manning must go. His going now would benefit the country but little, for he has already stabbed the country.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27

Pan-Electric Rogers saysAhat he did not think that congressman took VOWS of honesty and chastity They don't, but they seem to take everything else.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27
LIM NINGS.

It may not be of thrilling interest but TIE ARKANSAw TRAVELLER comes out in new dress,
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27

A Little Rock man received a dis patch from the country stating that his son had been killed by a crank. The father armed himself and hurried to the scene of the tragedy stimulated by the thought that he could wreak vengeance on the slaughterer, but was greatly dis appointed upon finding that his son $ death was caused by an iron crank which lifted him from the floor and thumped his life away
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27
killed hin.
" Ilo i- remarkable man

ll' IF ffHlAtkhtbH man
 "' The most consistent and doclle man in the world so long as his rope is in working order Some time ngo the pro. prietor of a large hotel came here. and after witnessing few performances. of- frred the clerk large salary tn leave me and go with him. but raised his salary and succeeded in holding him Look at him got the rop" ln hia mouth again Do yuu sec how much of th. rope is wound aboy"' Well. IA soon as he chews th" knot off the end he lcts down the rop" and iicS another knot Within th" past six months h" has worn ont three sets of teeth See that man with that small grip sack2 He is dentist and has come around to work on the clerks teeth l II tell you whats fact that fellow is the most perfect phi iosophcr 1 ever saw
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27
IMPERFECT PHILOSOPHER.

" i stopped at a country hotel ,n Ar kau,aw >oune tune ago sanl a we'll kovn traNchnr man aud hehind the clerk desk noticed Il rer" hanging from ratter Th" ropr had n knot on the lower end aud at first thought that it must tir used Tor lNnohinH pur poses While l was ronderimR man ca,nr down stairs. approached tho clerks desk aud said
 Why in tlnudcr didn't you send that pitcher ot water Ia my r"om' ought to manl you
 The clerk took thu cni ot the rope in his mouth chewed ii moment ar So and in cordial No,co replied
 7" IL was An oversight, mN dear sir. Will attend ta II at once
 \ few moments later another man came up hnd sad
 want to know lt l am tn have fire in my room lfyou don intend to have one nade say an and I'll mai,s you aii over this hu,is,'
 The clerk scited tho rope again and chcwcl il Then, turning tn the frown. ing n,an he replied You must really pardon me air will go up and mako the fire myself
 "' What strang" man your clerk Is 1 said "a thr proprietor oi the hotel
 "' He Is great philosopher tn" pro, prictor replied Do you know what he would hay,. don" had hc not ehcw"d that ropef
 "'N No
 "' Well, he would have shot those mon When n man Rrts mad h" grit. hlr i"aih and then finding no satisfaction, he adopts violent means Some time ago. fellow, just for mischief, slipped h"- hind the desk and eat the rope, and then. before the clerk had noticed hia loss, the fellow made some complaint The clerk wheeled arnupd. gra=p..l lh" air and then in Il rage, jumped oyer th" dcrk. seized the on"nder and alin"st killed him
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27

Ever friend k lost by hate, ever friend is won by love
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27

The shallow gentleman who brides himself upon being ladys man, has, since the dude blossomed, taken his stand in the shade Among men, the lady's man has ever been regarded with a mingling of pity and contempt. not on account of his politeness to woman, but because such politeness was his constant boast. The otficiously polite man is al ways bore Being wholly artificial in his actions and speech, his very presence enforces restraint on the actions and speech of others The slightest breach of what he terms etiquette is an unpar- donable sin, yet he wades into grammar and with the broad sword of ignorance daughters 1t without mercy He is a lover of small things, for his mind is not broad enough to grasp anything large, When he meets upon the street l., ly with whom he is acquainted-no matter if she be out shopping-he joins her and accompanies her into stores. She may desire to make purchases which the mod esty of woman would conceal from male acquaintances, but he takes his place at her elbow, observes her every move ment, and listens to every word she says. To this man, the hard-working farmer or mechanic is an eye-sore. He does not understand why they should exist.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27

Er man ken dress mighty fine. an yet hab CT mighty shabby mind
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-03-27

Spring editorial in Arkansaw country paper By this time our farmers ought to know that they are running themselves with cotton. Corn and wheat are neglected and our country suffers on account of it." Autumn edi- torial in the same paper: "Our town ships more cotton than any town with in a radius of a-hundred miles This speaks volumes for the industry and wisdom of our people. Now is the time to subscribe
The silver state. [volume] (Unionville, Nev.) 1870-1903, 1886-03-30
TABLE NAPKINS.

The law Of the napkin is but vaguely
understood. One Of our esteemed met
ropolitan contemporaries informs an
eager Inquirer that it is bad form to
fold a napkin after dinner; that the
proper thing is to throw it with negli-
gent disregard on the table beside the
plate, as to foli it would be REELECTION
on the host, and eunlly a familiarity
thst would not benefit az invited guest.
But the thouehtul reader will agree
lth us that this studied disorder Is
iiEely 10 Be god deal more trying to
L'slidiaus iostess than an n studied
replacing Of the napkin ia good order
beeids the visitors pate. I he proper
tim 6 s to fold the tabrlc with unosten'
tatious care aud lay 1t on the left o. the
table, far frem the liquids. or liqueurs,
and thus testify to the host. ss that her
care i'll preparing the table has been
appreciated. The napkin has played
famous parts in the fortunes OF men and
women. 1t was one of the points ad.
mired in Marie Stuart that, thanks to
her exquisite breeding in the court OF
Marie de Medici, her table was more
imposing than the full court of her
great rival and executioner, Elizabeth.
At the table of the latter the rudest
forms were maintained, the dishes
were served on the table, and
the great Queen helped herself
to the platter without fork or spoon.
page standing behind her with a
silver ever to bathe her fingers when
the flesh had been torn from the roasts.
At the court OF the Empire, Eugene
was excessively fastidious. The use OF
a napkin and the manner of eating an
egg made or ruined the career of a
guest. The great critic, Saint Beuve,
was disgraced and left off the visiting
list, because at breakfast with the
Emperor aud Empress at the Tuileries
he carelessly opened his napkin and
spread it over his two knees and cut
his egg in two in the middle. The
court etiquetts prescribed that the half
folded napkin should lie on the left
knee. to be used in the least obtrusive
manner in touching the lips, and the
egg Was to be merely broken on the
larger end with the edge Of the spoon
md drained with its tip. The truth is.
luxury and invention push table sppli-
ances 80 far that few eau b. expected to
know the particular convention that
may be considered good form in any di-
versiiied society. The way for young
fellow to do is to keep his eyes OPEN
which. unless he is in love he can do
and note what others do..--[ Household
Words.
The silver state. [volume] (Unionville, Nev.) 1870-1903, 1886-03-30

Officially there is no such city as
Washington, d C. A city by that
name was once chartered by Congress,
but the charter was repealed several
years ago. The capital Of the United
States is the District Of Columbia, all
parts of which are alike governed di-
rectly by Congress through Commissions
ers. The postotfice name is Washing
ton. bot the Postmaster General could
rename it Villas il he saw fit.
The silver state. [volume] (Unionville, Nev.) 1870-1903, 1886-03-30
CkaA AND SETTLE.

~ hose knowing Themselves to be indebted
20 n hvrhAN q co. will please eel and
ssttle, as sherc viii he o change IN the firm.
a.. NJ HOFFMAN, g. co
Wpnenucoa, January &c. 1885 II
The silver state. [volume] (Unionville, Nev.) 1870-1903, 1886-03-30

Charles Ferris, the California claim
ant to the Tichborne estate, has sue
ceeded in collecting from the Pension
Office at Washington 81, 900 for wounds
received during the rebellion, and will
shortly start for England in the en-
deavor to prove his claim. He was
one time a resident of Vallejo. wher.
he was Captain OF the Frisbie Guards,
but OF late years has lived at San Diego.
The silver state. [volume] (Unionville, Nev.) 1870-1903, 1886-03-30

During 1885 20, $50 Jews left Russian
Poland for America. and the exodus
still continues. We are the gamers by
the barbarous race and religious preju-
dices OF the old world They stimulate
emigration, and usually person who is
worth persecuting Is god sort Of a
man to have in developing country.
The silver state. [volume] (Unionville, Nev.) 1870-1903, 1886-03-30

TO AND FROM THE DEPOT.
A GOOD t. AM is always ready to take -
persons to and from the Depot and Hotel tFoe
Of charge.
The silver state. [volume] (Unionville, Nev.) 1870-1903, 1886-03-30

One Gnuafe no InCsl HTst IbaUFNtHs s..sN1 o
Each subsequent ireertion, per squ0re.. ] "
iberal reduction ~ regular &dvefilserS
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-11-25

fere with public business. Neither Mr.. Stone
nor Mr. Benton neglected their official duties;
but Mr.. Benton made Democratic speeches in
Missouri, and is entitled to keep his Office;
Mr.. Stone made Republican speeches In Penn
sylvaria, and loses his Office. And this is
civil-service reform, as interpreted by the
High Priest of Reform. Was there ever such
a nauseating humbug' No wonderintelligent
and honest people are out of humor with the
whole matter, when il is thus travestied by its
loudest apostles and friends, Yet the country
willsec this letter to Stone Endorsed and COM
plimented by the Cleveland mugwumps.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-11-25

ward upon other grounds, but you can depend
upon it that he will be reinstated, says MIR.
Mcclure, emphatically. 1t is not clear, from
this whether the Philadelphia editor has had
a ''pointer" as to the Presidents intentions
or whether he wishes to give him hint as to
way out of the woods, but it is evident that
he knows his man. If Mr. Cleveland restores
the district attorneyship to Mr.. Stone, he will
speedily find another pretext for taking it
away from him. There are more ways around
barn than climbing over-crawling under,
for instance.
MIR. Mcclure has received an access of in
formation in this case. See Mr.. Cleveland's
letter.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-11-25

POLITICAL complications in Massachusetts,
are such that neither Mr.. Dawes nor Mr. Long,
hitherto the only Republican candidates for
the senatorship, may be elected Senator
Dawes has lost much of his popularity; ex-
Governor Long is much nearer to the people.
but the elections in his part of the State have
injured his prospects, the Republicans losing
three districts where defeat was not thought
possible. Governor Robinson is talked of as
compromise candidate and as he is man in
every way fitted for the position the State is
sure Of being we'll represented in case he is
chosen. Notwithstanding the fact that Dos
ton is the mugwump stronghold, the State
has no lack Of eminent and able Republicans
who are ready for any emergency.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-11-25

COLONEL INGERsoLL is lecturing upon the
dreadful evil of accum alatng great riches. and
carping critics are asking why it is if ne believes
what he says that the price of admission to his
lecture is 81 per lead. The faultinders do not
look at the matter in the right light. There is
really nothing inconsistent in the Colonels the
DRY and practice. He knows very we'll that a
man who will pay dollar to hear him lecture
will never accumulate wealth. and by putting
the price of tickets at that amount the eminent
advocate of poverty in others feels that he is
benefiting his fellow-citizens.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-11-25

THAT was an unlucky thirteen who sat
down to the feast of Broadway Doodle, served
to them by Jacob Sharp. Two of the thir-
teen Aldermen are dead, three in Canada, one
in Sing Sing, one in lunatic asylum, three
awaiting trial, two have "squealed" and have
not insured happiness to themselves thereby;
one, McQuade, is temporarily relieved by a
disagreement of the jury, but he is not out of
trouble yet. Altogether, they may we'll be
convinced that the way of the transgressor is
hard
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-11-25
hard.
AN awful rumor comes from Mexico to tn

ANawful rumor comes from Mexico to the
effect that Minister Manning, who was APP
pointed TO succeed Mr. jackson, has encoun-
tered the same insidious enemy that Aoored
Sedgwick; that, in short Mr.. Manning has
succumbed to that persuasive and deceitful
beverage known as pulque. The gentleman's
friends in Washington doubt the statement,
basng their opinion on their confidence in
the ability of Mississippian to withstand
the effect of any species of Intoxicating drink.
The cause of Mr.. Manning's indsposition
they prefer to ascribe to 'rarefed air. until
further returns come in. Mr. Cleveland
might secure the services of Mr.. Sedgwick as
an expert to go down and investigate.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-11-25

Mr.. MYRoN d. KING, of the Secretary of
States Office, and the indianapolis Sentinel
as well, should be bored for the simples. The
Sentinel prints lot of figures which it calls
San analysis" by Mr.. King of the vote touch
ing the Legislature, whereby it is attempted
to be shown that the Democrats have a major
ity on the vote for legislative candidates of
1883. There is no use in replying to such
champion idiocy as this. With the gerry
mander in their favor, of course the Demo
Gratis could not possibly have anything like a
majority on the legislative vote without
having elected decided majority of
the members. The Republicans must have
made remarkable gains over the Democratic
vote TO have tied the Legislature, as they have
done. Any one knows this, and, therefore,
the effort of Mr.. King and the Sentinel is of
no possible value, inasmuch as there are no
fools big enough to swallow the absurdity. A
specimen of Mr.. Kings analysis may be
given, however. He puts down Knox county
as 1888 Democratic majority for Representa-
tive, when the fact is that Mr.. Niback,
the Democratic candidate, had no opposi-
ton, and the figures represent his
entire vote On the vote for Mr.. r. L.
Mackey, where the Republicans had an oppor-
tunity to show their strength, they had ma
jority, Mr.. Mackey carrying the county Of
Knox. This is sample of the way in which
Mr.. King figures out Democratic majority
of 2, 883. 1t is as discreditable to Mr.. King as
it is to the Sentinel to imagine that ANYBODY
could be fooled by so palpable misstatement.
1t is another indication of the straits to
which the Democratic party is
reduced No fraud. no forgery no absurdi-
ty, no lie, stands in the way of it's effort to
abate the force of the rebuke given to it by
the people on the Cd day of November.
When the real legislative vote is published,
which the Journal will do in day or two. it
will be shown that the majority against the
infamous Democratic gerrymander is not far
from Is, 900.
Mr.. King states, in effect, that his study
or analysis of the vote on the Legislature is of
the figures returned to the Secretary of State
AS a matter of fact the vote for members of
the Legislature is not returned to the Secre-
tary of State at ALL and is not on file in his
office. This shows the discreditable nature of
the whole publication. 1t is deliberate at
tempt to mislead the people of which no hon
orable man would be guilty.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-11-25
Loransport journal.

The conduct of Mr. Lehman, defeated Demo
cratic candidate for State Senator from Lake
and Porter counties, might afford AN example to
the gang of unprincipled schemers who are try
ing to steal Senator Shroyer's seat. Mr. Leh-
man was urged by the Sim Coy scoundrels at In
Gianapolis TO contest the seat of Senator De-
Motto, who was elected by about the majority
given Mr.. Shroyer. Mr.. Lehman comes out in
card in the Valparaiso Messenger. and declines
to join the thieves in their nefarious game of
larceny. He SAYS that Mr. Denote was fairly
elected that he intends to maintain his integrity,
and would not disgrace his German ancestry by
stealing an Office to which he was not elected.
In this respect he differs from the Ross Daniels
combination which is just now engaged in an in
famous conspiracy 20 steal a seat In tho State
Senate.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-11-25

scoundrels But what more than this has
been done' Several hundred dollars have been
collected. But what more than this has been
donee Certain evidences have been submitted
to the federal grand jury, and the honorable
and learned judge of that court has done all
he can yet do in behalf of justice and right;
but what has leaked out from the grand jury
room is sufficient to warrant the suspicion
that some influence has been at work to make
a bowling farce of the investigation, and to
turn that jury into trial jury for the defense
of the criminals, rather than a jury charged
with the duty of collecting the eliminating
evidence and indicting the presumably guilty
parties. So far as appears little has been done
in downright earnest, little that indicates an
unrelenting, incorporating purpose to fol-
low up the unquestioned crimes committed in
the face Of the canvassing board of this coun-
ty, and putting somebody into the peniten-
tiary, il possible. So far as has been made
public, there has been a kid-glove fastidious
ness, an effort to part the hair exactly in the
middle, so that the guilty gang, and those in
whose interestand for whose benefit the crimes
were perpetrated, have merely looked on and
laughed at respectable imbecility.
While the people Of Indianapolis assemble
to thank God this morning, there is on file
in the archives Of this county lie to which
is appended the names of many respectable (?)
and honorable (F) men-men, probably who
will be in the pews to-day and help swell the
antiphonal responses Of praise and thanks
giving. The canvassing sheet of the votes
cast in Marion county shows lie on its face.
The frauds and forgeries committed upon the
tally sheets were so palpable that no one who
saw them attempted to deny them; one in
spector called attention to them, and said that
since it left his hand. Yet this was all passed
over and respectable (?) and honorable ~
faleshood, and certified it to be true and cor
rect return of the votes cast. On this lie
commissions were issued, mon have taken
Office, even judge has usurped seat on the
bench, and is daily making mockery of JUS
tice. This condition of affairs cannot con-
tinue unchecked with safety. A state of pub
lie opinion that permits such things to occur
without an effective and immediate protest
and remedy, is dangerous state of opinion
Public opinion is the salt of a republic, but if
the salt has lost its SAVIOR wherewith shall it
be salted9
These are serious matters to think of as the
people of Indianapolis engage in the duties
and the pleasures Of national Thanksgiving
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-11-25

We should be excused for making almost
any kind of remark respecting the letter of
Grover Cleveland to ex-District Attorney
Stone. An ejaculation said TO have been ut
tered on the immortal field of Waterloo would
best fit the case. The Journal yentured toas-
sert that Mr. Stone would not be reinstated,
but we did not believe that Mr.. Cleveland was
big enough fool to write such letter as he
has written The President of the United
States anno,ssss= that Republican in office
under Democratic administration is so far a
part Of that administration that he cannot
address the people in opposition to the Demo
cratic party; but Democratic official can do all
Tn stamping he pleases. if he does not inter