Smyrna times., 1886-09-08
Sharp, Short and Sunny.

Anger begins with Jolly and ends
with repentance.
The old building in which General
Hancock was born, near Lansdale, Pa,
has been destroyed by fire.
The will of the late Joseph f. Tenn
pie, Of Philadelphia, begueaths over
100000 to public institutions.
On Thursday night seven Hungar-
ian railroad labOrers were burned to
death in a shanty near WilliamspOrt,
Pa.
The family of Hon. w. B. Hoke,
Court, used st. Jacobs Oil with signal
success.
The business failures throughout the
country during last week were l6l for
the United States and for Canada "a,
or total of 1Sj.
The statement that cigarette smok-
ing induces softening of the brain, is
purely theoretical, and cannot be veri-
fed until people with brains to soften
attempt the experiment.
Mrs. Victoria Notwithstanding has
left her husband, and her whereabouts
are not known; it is supposed that she
has gone back to her parents and been
sent by them to Europe.
1t is better to worship in a poor old
church with a patched roof than it is to
preach about humility in gorgeous
gothic temple with heavy mortgage
on it.-FdU River AdUaace.
Too much wealth, like a suit of
clothes too heavily embroidered, does
but cucumber and weigh us down, in
stead of answering the solid purposes
of usefulness and convenience.
It costs fourteen thousand dollars a
year to light the White House and yet
with allthat they say Cleveland hunted
three days once before he could find
his bOotjack which had been mislaid.
A Boston newspaper tells Of an old
lady whose wedding present to a happy
pair was couple of ilatirOns, and the
motto " Fight On neatly worked in
ColOred wOrsteds on perforated card
board.
It's not always the country weekly
that makes the most ridiculous errors.
A New York city paper the other
day contained a notice " cordially" in
viting the relatives and friends to at
tend funeral
The Mdgt1ower has been selected to
make the race with the English cutter,
having won the two trial races in
which she exhibited rare sailing quail
ties, and will no doubt defend the
America's cup by beating GaIatea.
The Danville Breeze tells of a young
woman riding with young man, and
exclaiming at the sight of two calves
oh, see those two little cOwlets ~
You are mistaken" said the young
man; those are not cowlets, but bull
let's"
Two years ago it was thought that
shoes would drive long boots from the
field, especially in cities where the
sidewalks are paved. Now the demand
for boots is much larger in proportion
than for shOes.-.ShOe and Leather Re-
porter.
The Indiana and Missouri Republ-
cans at their State Conventions. held
last week, each put prohibition planks
III their platforms, but this will not
stop the radical prOhibitionists from
putting Il third party ticket in the field
all the same.
1t is a great thing when our Geth.
semane hours come, when the cup OF
bitterness is pressed to our lips and
when we pray that it may pass away,
to feel that il is not fate, that it is not
necessity, 5u' Divine love for good
ends ""r. pom US.
The United States is now promised q
new navy within five years. Mean
while Uncle Sam had better stop max.
ing faces at third-Fate powers, or some
of these fine days some one of them
with big guns and ships, NAV take a
notion to spoil his good looks for some
time.
The rude brakeman again. Is this
the right train ?" a lady asked of 4
brakeman the other dav. "Where are
you going, maam?" replied the brake
man. None OF your business. sir ,
retorted the lady. Il shall report vor
to the superintendent for impudence )
And She actually did.
The interesting intelligence comes
from the north woods, where our owl
Grover is taking his outing, that ono
day not long since, after much labor
and anxiety lest it should break awav
the head man Of the nation landed an
elegant canned salmon weighing clever
and six-seyenths pounds.
IN commenting upon and condemn
ing the defaulting cashiers and mer
who have proved reereant to the trusl
placed in them, do not forget the
thousands Of honest men in positions
OF trust upon whom there is no breatl
OF suspicion, and who are daily exam
pies OF uprightness and honesty. N
fe ~
Mr.. Bayard selected a New Yorl
lawyer by the name Of Sedgwick to q,
70 Mexico to patch up the Cutting cas-,
and restore the entente cordial betyyee,
the two Republics. 1Sedgwick il seem
got his cordial outi Of the bottle. nm,
has dlsgraced his country as we'll a
himself Mr.. Bayard has. been peen
harly unfortunate of'late IN his renre
sentatives, political and otherwise.
Miraculous Escape.
". w Reed, druggist Of Winchester Ind
nar,o,,o 3ne 89y o. my customers, Mrs. Louisa PIX,