The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1886-01-21
A DELICATE SITUATION.
The Trials Of Man with q Klep-
tomaniac Wife.

! must commence this narrative with a
most painful admission-my wife is con-
firmed kleptomaniac. In all other respects
she is an admirable woman, though say If
who shouldn't. She is beautiful-at least in
my eyes; she is comparatively young,
though perhaps she might not like me to be
precise on this point; she has troops of
friends and no lack of anything that hus-
band in comfortable circumstances and
devotedly attached to her can supply; and
yet. owing to some distressing mental dis
order. she is continually bringing home
other peoples property.
Nothing, am quite sure, could be further
from her gentle disposition than the vice of
covetousness. She does not take things
because she wants them, or in order to
obtain cheap qualification. So far as l
can see she is subject merely to the same
propensity as the jackdaw.
solemnl Y affirm that she has no notion
OF WRONG doing. She pliers with the inno-
cence of the dove, cooling all the while with
that soft voice of hers, which would disarIn
the most hardened stickler for the rights of
property; and w1en she sees me take any,
thing to restore it to the lawful owner she
invariably regards me with mute reproach
first discovered her malady during our
honeymoon, which was spent in the North
of England. We were in a jewelers. shop
at the time, and diamond ring had
mystenousiy disappeared. Parenthetically
let me observe that, although Maria will
at a pinch, take articles of no earthly value
she prefers jewelry, as being at once
portable and pleasant to look upon. The
man declared she had stolen the ring
While 1 was pouring on him flood of
abuse, and she was entreating me to spare
him. she became SO agitated at the sight of
my Indignation as TO have recourse to her
handkerchief As she drew it from her
pocket something fell on the floor. Fol-
lowing triumphant dart of the jewelers.
hand looked, and, 10 there was the ring
That was the first of many painful mo-
ments. Yet | can confidently say that, in
stead of diminishing my love- they have in
creased it, and they have added to my
other feelings a great pity for her who is SO
grievously afflicted.
There never was less nervous woman
than Maria; herein. l fear, lies the hopeless
ness of her case. If could detect even the
CULVER of en- eyelid-and what charming
eyes she has, to be sure !-as she quietly
appropTiates what belongs to another, |
might be able to take courage. But, alas!
the smile never leaves her pretty face, her
tones never falter, her hand goes I'm
tremblngly on its stealthy way, as if it
were impelled by some invisible force
external to herself, and then the horrid
deed is done. o, what agonies have en-
dured, watching without the power of
stopping herl What shame, what pity,
what horror lest she should be caught in
the act! ! always feel as guilty as if were
her aceomplice.
Night after night, when she is asleep. I
have long made practice of searching her
pockets, and then of creeping down stairs
20 examine herprivate cabinets The num-
Der of things l have found secreted in one
corner or another is enough to make nv
hair stand on end when think of them
Whether Maria ever misses them, whether
she knows that l have sent them back to
their owners | have never been able to
ascertain, but she has neither demonstrated
nor said word on the subject to me. l
have noticed, however, that her hiding
places are changed from time to time,
which looks as if she were not altogether
satisfied with them.
About a year ago Mrs. Arbuthnot, an
acquaintance of ours, lost a valuable brace
let, which l felt quite sure Maria had
taken. But never could find it. though
searched the house from top to bottom
Mrs. Arbuthuot had her suspicious, could
see. and this drove me nearly frantic, not
only with thinking of what had become of
the bracelet, but also with trying to dis
cover a remedy for the existing state of
affairs.
At last hit upon what struck me as
really good idea. Like cures like. argued !:
H were " 1nITOuuCe luJO my mouse an
other kleptomaniac would not Maria be-
come disguised and alter her waysl A bad
habit in ourselves may be tolerated, but
when it crops up in others it often assumes
a most repulsive aspect and straightway
clamors for its own removal. Such, at
least was my idea. 1 thought it worth a
trial.
The 6rst thing to be done was to secure a
genuine kleptomauiac. With this object
in view ] inserted in several of the daily
papers the following advertisement:
JNANTED-A kleptomauiac, who must be a
w lady of otherwise irreproachable
habits and pleasing manners. She will be
required to act as a companion to q gentle
mans wife who S similarly afflicted Duties
light; re%nn tT liberal: apply in the
advertising agents.
Notwithstanding the frequency with
which such articles as books and umbrellas
disappear, had supposed kleptomania to
be very rare disease, and, moreover, one
which few persons would care to own to-
Imagine my surprise, then, at receiving
hfty-seven answers TO my advertisement
every one OF the writers claiming to be Il
lady. From the nature OF the case could
not ask for references. Not that this
matteFed much, for Ihad enough confidence
IN my Own Judgment to think could do
without them.
went through the letters with great care,
putting aside al that tried to recommend
themselves by s6amelessly describing acts
of successful piife-ing. Ihad no hesitation
IN concluding these ladies to be impostors,
attracted by the salary.
There remained lust five, who bashfully
said they were considered by their friends
TO be kleptomaniacS, q statement which
they did not themselves indorse in any way.
Two of them-if recollect right, for have
mislaid their letters-were elderly Spinsters
whom the world had treated badly; the
af
great length, each urging, strangely enough,
that because she was poor, therefore she
had exceptional claims upon my considera-
ton. From their letters it might have been
supposed that each was the most unfortu-
nate person in the universe.
In the end decided to interview all five,
that being the only way by which / could
discriminate between them. Accordingly
twrote to ask them all TO come tony house