Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-10-02
THE MARRIAGE REFUSAL.


nv n Ilachelor an the Cosmopolitan.
Ifs women has little choice or initiative
In the matter OF securing q husband, she has
ono opportunity oftremendo0s power against
an app for the position. She may accept
commonplace person, and, In fact, she often
doeA But men ~ famous m Noah Webster
and Samuel J. Tilden have been ticke,ed
away by her frown. Men try In vain 10
fAthom the feminine mind and are quite often
bitterly disappointed In their conclusion
where they have felt most sure OF IT, The
processes OF mental action are 80 different
with the twosexes that neither conce,ves the
emotions oi the others mind quito correctly.
II may be said, In general terms, that a
man rdasOns out his results, while u woman
never d0ea With her they como by im.
pulse. She feels them. OF course, feelings
snd moods change oitener than logical pro.
cesses do and 80 the mutability and uncer-
tainty OF a womsn's mind have gone INTO
frequent proverbs and poems she says
Scott
Uncertain, coy, and hard to please
And variable ms tho shade
By the light, quiyering aspen lnauc'
Pope says
womnn.s nj best a contradiction still.
These traits are never more strikingiy
illustrated than they are when marriage IN
proposed. ono never knows exactly now
this issue In to come out He may know
Young lady tor years he may have received
from her decisive Indications of regard hts
company may always have seemed to him
acceptable TO ber, and yet fhe asks tn impose
II for life be is quite apt TO get sudden reve-
lstiou. She, too, II utterly surprised. Was
any woman ever proposed to that was not
Ofccurss, the boys and girls that marry, and
that have not learned to be artful In their
social fencing, melt into matrimony In the
most natural and easy way. Let them wait
TIL they have come to maturity, and have
had any real taste OF society experience, and
they become at once critics ana diincult to
irl
Is great stickler for iconventionalty .or the
strictest etiquette
She would not have It known for the world
that she had made an aggressive step toward
matrimony. In some cases she never does.
II she has received an offer, aud has even
done q pleasant thing Tor the gentleman
without being asked TO do II, such NJ pnniDg
bouquet on the lapel OF his coat or work
ing pair Of slippers for him, she at once sets
about system OF fseif-examination. What II
some one would think (horrible thought >
that she had been trying to capture him II
she thinks he thinks no, she has 4 suspicion
that on accepting him, he will despise her
for all the rest Of her life. IL she thinks
another woman thinks so of her, she will feel
that she In TO be the perpetual target for scorn
henceforth. In many cases she would rather
escape suitable match and live and die an
old maid than be married and give ground
to the remotest idea that her own manage.
ment had any part In such a result
The fearful uncertainty oi what woman
will say when her hand is sought for In mar
riAge makes the ordeal OF seeking 1t the
most difficult OF performance Any man
can ask any woman to marry him whom he
does not wish 10 marry, but to ask the right
one Ii the hardest conceivable performance
There are men that could have gone into the
murderous charge OF Balaklavs easier than
they could seek q partner for life. For the
marriage refusal always imperis. Many
and mysterious are the ways In which men
try to spell out the secrets of their adored
I.,N
them. They may affect the company OF her
brother or of her confidential girl friends
but how little they pick up from either
Vague and shadowy are all intimstions by
these methods They can only know by
absolute trial, by putting the isted question
point blank.
But there In no preparation that leads up
TO this, where putting the question ia not a
big jump oyer yswning gulf There are
few places where 1t can be done without fear
OF some interruption, or where 1t in not
marred by some trivial or ridiculous sur
roundinRA In the parlor door may be
suddenly opened. On tho road, riding to-
gether, you may meet company, or coal
cart Ii takes a good deal OF diplomacy
and art to put the question. But a frown
or repulsive manner can easily sxtingulsh
It
If 1t falls, the curious and unfortunate
result will be to leave matters worse than
they previously were The young lady,
promising to be still your friend, Is less
friend than before. She actually retreats, TO
some extent, from the Intimacy and friend
ship that were before graciously accepted.
She grows shy OF you, and feels II necessary
to step backward In order to check a possible
new advance
1t seems a. IL women, even when the man
OF their choice appears, wish to make the
capture OF themselves difficult Whether
they rejoice in this momentary power, or ex.
pect to be priced more highly ever after for
exercising II, or both, It IL a practice and
policy they almost invariably adopt.
woman sometimes loses the very lover that
she covets by tripping him up once for the
very best man IN often the one that will never
put himself In the way of a second refusal
from the loveliest object At the same time,
one less sensitive ana unretned will stop at
nothing and after tritle discontinue in
succession, will outdo tho rule, and make
three negatives equal to an affirmative AL
swer.
perfectly frank woman in the matter of
marriage is a marvel. No matter how truth
ful she Is in general way, or how lovely her
character, the social traditions that are In
vogue train her to certain deception. She
oven deceives herself. When man has paid
attention to q woman for a year or more, no
one else IL surprised that he proposes to her.
Mother woman that knows the circumstances
In, In fact but she always is.