The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-12-09
THE MERRY SIDE I

A lazy man is like steam engine with the
fires put out.
Many a man comes to his senses, but seems
never to take them.
To live a Christian does not require long
face-but long head.
Love is able to accomplish most anything
except keep man sober.
Every dude is "Ieader of Society,"" There is
just one person in the Society.
"Why do Doctors cut men open, after death?"
Why, they're hunting for brains.
Minister Manning says the Mexican snakes
got after him-he wasn't drunk!
-
A man sometimes lives SO far "beyond his
means,'' that they never catch up.
Sam Jones has gone home to take rest. The
people are in full sympathy with him.
They have found gold in Texas. Gold, Bolog
ma and Democracy What varied resources!
"Not dollar for the wife and family, but
hundreds for the doggery- y-keeper!" is The Dew
IFS motto.
The cold wave was sbreaker''-a man could
break his ears off, after being out door for ten
minutes.
''Brstling anger is a fraud. A hog is all bris'
tIes-but he can't do anything more than grant
and squeal.
The South is making wonderful strides of
progress-but the old stock is dying out. That
explains it.
They are acquitting horse-thieves in Indiana
on the ground of insanity. That will do, this
kind of weather.
The trouble with the fellow who "don't be-
lieve there is a God," is that he don't believe
anything-he can't.
Dan Voorhees, friends boast that he once
called Edmunds "a liar.' Suppose he did! Ed
munds didn't believe 1t.
80
Why should mans being in prison render
him unfit for witness. Wouldn't the same
man be as untruthful outside?
Young man remember that the world does
not need more lawyers and doctors-it needs
less work for those we have.
1t might be well enough to crush a brother
if you can be sure they not your own fail
iugs you piling on him.
A Democratic,paper says. .Cleveland is max
ing popular:President." A fat pig in pen is
popular-he don't do any harm.
The curse .of doggery-keeper is like the
growl of hyena-which does not want to be
disturbed while feasting upon.the dead.
"Oh, sinner, TURNr' cried the Minister. Ev-
cry woman in the houae turned. lShe did 1t TO
see q lady who Just came in at the door,
A burglar in Logan, Ohio, robbed a local edi-
tor of all his money. The last heard of the bur-
glar he was trying to trade it all for a lunch.
-
John McKenna, Pittsburgh doggery-keep-
er, was killed by John Mutton, laboring man.
McKenna loaded John up, and he went off.
'Two souls with but single thought"-assur-
ing each other before marriage that they are
dead in love, and after marriage that they are
not.
At s'naturaI gas" explosion in Pennsylvan-
ia, a loss of thirty-ive thousand dollars was en-
tailed. What waste And just before the Leg
islature M eets, too!
The shrewdest mathematicans Blind
Toms managers. They figuIe up thousands of
dollars of receipts, monthly, for many years, yet
the boy is pennyless!
A story is told of Kansas man who threw
two tons of hay to get at pint of whisky he
had hidden, 1t was the only work he had
done for year.
Democrats affect to rejoice that their party
gained largely in Iowa and Kansas. Why, the
fact is, Democracy has been almost totally pro-
hibited.in both States.
A man was sent to the work-house in Cincin-
nat, for selling liquor TO a minor. The record
of this case ought TO be stuffed and laid away.
81. "
James G. Blaine jr. has secured position on
the Staff of the Pittsburgh Times. AS a journ-
alist Jim will be bigger man than he could
have been as son of the President.
Chris. Cummings an engineer, near Newark,
found a covey of quail. They raised and Chris.
whirled around and tried 10 kill them by firing
a load of shot into the face of his companion.
The great distilleries of Illinois have, it is
said, exported little or whisky during the
past month. 1t was hoped they would export
it all.
Henry Burgh refused more than hundred
dollars due him as back salary a Govern
ment official. No wonder he got out of politics.
Such a man has no business in the political
field.
Two Dutchmen, one from Chilicothe and one
from Portsmouth were to discuss Anarchy in a
public meeting but withdrew the appointment.
The prayers of the people were answered.
Halstead wants the Republicans to begin
kicking out, now, to get ready for the political
hereafter. He realizes this need of the party as
much anybody else.
-
Another fool jumped from the Brooklyn
bridge, but failed to kill himself. Some nice
large rocks ought to be planted beneath that
bridge.
Young man remember that if your life is
worth nothing to yourself, it's worth nothing
to the community. Your Deighbors will never
be proud of what you despise in yourself.
Stanley, the African Explorer, had Recep-
ton in New VI orlz last week. and in the crowd
discovered Ben. Bristow. We knew the great
Reformer was alive yet-but that it would Ike
Stanley TO find him.
The lowest order of animal creation will carry
supplies and lay them away for future use.
Mankind will carry hard-earned supplies and
give them to a doggery-keeper. There's the
difference
Many young man will present "the Govern
orr with q cheap present marked "affecion's
offering" then spend an hour cursing because
the old man won't give him five dollars to
spend in playing pool.
In New York they propose to make tramps
work by placing them in rooms and turning
water in so that tn must pump or drown. 1t
is thought wafer is the only thing having any
| terror for tramps.