News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-04
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
A LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
THE LEISURE HOURS.
A Broken Vnsc-A Courteous Conductor
Tho Boys BOots-He was Very Poor
Not a Poet-The Old Story, ETC., Etc.
THE OLD STORY.

Not a Poet-The Old Story, Etc, Etc.
THE OLD STORY.
We all know the story of the Turkish
Cadi who held that there was always q
woman at the bottom of every trouble.
On one occasion there appeared before
him one of his officers, who stated that
a certain man had fallen out of the
window and killed himself.
"Wnere is the woman~ asked the
Cadi.
''It was a man, your sublime high
ness" responded the officer.
"Where is the woman2n repeated the
Cadi..
cit was O man. your ecstatic noble
ness" humbly reiterated the officer.
"Where is the woman2n fiercely de-
manded the Cadi.
81 tell you it was q man who killed
himself, your effulgent radiance, y
roared the officer.
Then an explanation followed, when
it turned out that the man was leaning
out of his window to look at woman,
q few doors off, when he lost his balance
and fell to the ground.
"Ahl" cried the Cadi, triumphantly,
81 knew there was woman at the bot
tom of it; there always is.a
WHAT BECAME OF THE BOOTS.
The other day DR.. Hurty's small boy
wanted q pair of rubber boots. The
doctor tried to reason him out of it,
but the youngster persisted in his de-
mand. Finally, the doctor told him q
little story-one he had read in the
newspaper The boy was oil attention,
and the story proceeded:
"a little boy in Pittsburg had been
given q pair Of rubber boots by his
father. He waded IN the water with
them-water ran over the tops of the
boots-boy took cold-mother put his
feet in hot water-grew worse-doctor
came-littls boy died-undertaker-
funeral"
The small boy listened attentively to
the end of the story, and the father was
congratulating himself On the impress
sion he had made, when, with a long
breath, the youngster asked:
"What did they do with the boots ~
-Iadlaaapo1Js Journal.
POET.
Judge Dusenberry took tea at the
Sykes mansion, on Fifth avenue, one
night last week. Conversing with
Miss Sykes, Judge Dusenberry re-
marked:
81 am delighted Miss Sykes, with
the poetry of your friend, SKINNER
horn, but, of course, YOU yourself don't
write poetry"
"How do you know l don't write
poetry2'' replied Miss Sykes, somewhat
piqued, for she has written number Of
poems for publication.
81 know you arc not q poetess be-
cause as O rulo, all ladies who write
poetry are very homely."
"You are quite right, Judge Duscn-
berry" replied Miss Sykes, with great
dignity, ''the cares of the household
preclude me from cultivnting tho muses.,
even If l wero ever SO much disposed to
do so."-7erGs Sytissgs.
30 POOR.
~ am poor and unable TO obtain
work. Will you kindly give me dol
lar to buy medicine for my sick wife?"
piteously whined seedy individual to
u EbILSSlllS ClllLtu.
"Au bosh, no doubt-well here's
the money; don't bother me again, "
was the ungracious reply, as he tossed
him q silver dollar.
"Excuse me, sir, but have you no.
ticed the latest quotation2" continued
the seedy one, nervously lingering the
coin; "allow me to trouble you for the
other twenty-one cents. -BinghamptOn
Republican.
STRUCK A BONANZA.
Smith-Brown, am glad to sec you
looking so well and prosperous. Big
change since l saw you three months
ago. Have you struck bonanza9
Brownies. You know / am one of
the heirs to the Hyde estate in Eng
land, worth over three hundred millions
of dollars2
Smith (excitedly)-Certainly. You
don't mean to tell me that the thing is
settledG
Brownies, so far as l am concerned.
I've dropped all claims, and am now
giving close attention to business. ]
should say had struck bonanza!
THE WORM TURNED.
A father had been locturing his young
hopeful upon the evils of staying out
late at night and getting up late in the
morning.
'You never will amount to anything, "
he continued, ''unless you turn over a
new leaf. Remember THAI the early
bird catches the worm"
GLOW about the worm, father" in
quired the young man, "wasn't he
rather foolish to get up SO early2"
'My son." replied the old man, SOL
emnly, "that worm hadn't been to bed
at all. He was on his way home"
1T WAS BROKEN.
"Who broke this vaseQ" asked Miss
Fussinfeather's father, as he entered the
parlor one morning and found his daugh-
ter gathering up the pieces of a majol-
ica vase.
'George and l broke it between us
last night" was the maiden's innocent
reply.
'gBroke 1t between you, did you
Well, next time young Crimsonbeall
calls you better not sit SO chose"
And he left his daughter to ponder
ON What he meant {0RRb1S CtdteSH6d|6.
A BAsHFUL LOVER
'Is-s-say, Brown, y-you are a MN
married man; g-g-give m-me fl-little
a-a-advice, w-w-will your
Certainly, old man. What can I dc
'Tm in l-i-fove, B-B- Brown, with the
s-s-sweetest g-g-girl in th-the Wv
world, and th-think she l-l-lovcs
me. w-w-Tant to a-ask her to MIN
marry me, but Pm BIB -bashful, and
don't q-q-quite know how to go abb
bout it."
"You had better write her letter, y
advised Brown.
REMARKABLE TIME.
"I'm not sprint runner" said
Charley, "but made fifty yards once
in remarkably quick time. 1t was just
that far from the front door to the gate,
and my girls father held the dog and
allowed me ten seconds to clear the dis
tance."
~ grasp the situation" replied Gus,
"but fifty yards in ten seconds is not
fast time"
'No, but when l reached the gate l
had eight seconds to spare. Mao York
Sun.
SIMILARITY OF CONDITIONS.
She (on board the yacht Eaglewing)
How gloriously the fresh breeze fills
the sails, Mr.. De Salt!
Hc-Ya'as, the sails are full.
She-And how resplendent the moon
is, Mr.. De Salt!
He-Ya'as, the moons full.
Sbo (retting n little tired)--Ah-do