Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-03-10
NEWSPAPER WIT.


name of ancient Greece? Pupil-Oleo-
margarine.
A NOVEL has just been announced
with the title "In Haying Time" We
suppose it must have a grass plot.
THE latest style in hair dressing is
called ''sweet disorder" It gives one
Inexperienced Of being blown through
q tree top.
THE waterproof cloak is the inven-
ton of the evil one, designed to hide
the pretty shape of q woman and to
man next to her.
LITTLE BEss-Oh; didn't the wind
blow last night Master Tommy
Yes, Bess, it did. 1t was g. regular old
blizzard. Little Bess-Oh, it was
worse than q blizzard. 1t was a Cy-
clop.-PhHadelphia Call.
$50 some one in England has put
the Salvation Army into 81 novel. !"
This must be an agreeable change for
the army. Heretofore the rule seems
to have been to put 1T into station
house.-NorristoWn Herald.
THE Avagagdlivtit Nalinginarmik
lN
Greenland publication. tits published
every three months and produces a
riot every time it is hawked on the
street.-Indianapofs Journal.
SPEAKING of the Trafalgar Square
riot, London cablegram says: The
police charged the mob with spirit. %
II previous reports Of the mob's pro-
ceedings were true, it had already been
charged with spirits. Exchange.
''DO you enjoy Meyerbeer?" she
asked him as they were sitting at the
Thomas concert last week. "Well, to
tell the TRUTH" he answered, 81 don't
know that | ever drank any," and
then sat still and listened.-NeW
Haven News.
IT is said that Secretary Manning
adopted crest with the motto: "The
eagle does not catch flies" If that
can be verified, the eagle can obtain a.
good position by applying to the
management OF the Buffalo base bail
team.-Bufalo Courier.
THERE will be more ice-crealn than
ever next summer. Ice-cream is the
subtrahend OF every young mans sal
airy, and the minuend is often SO small
that it leaves him no remainder. Why
don't young women learn more about
arithmetic ?-COurier Journal.
Two wretched, looking tramps were
brought up before Texas Justice of
the peace. Addressing the worst
looking one, the Justice asked: 'tWhere
do you live?" Nowhere" "And
where do you live?" said the justice,
addressing the other. GIVE got the
room above him. Texas Siftings.
A MODEST young man boarded a
toboggan at the slide Saturday even
ing, and was trying to get g. secure
hold without grasping the young lady
VINO had the front seat, when her
father int rfere1 and suggested that
he put his arms around her. There
was an IL slant compliance.-Elmira
Advertiser.
In the United States court at Fort
Dodge, Ia, recently was being tried a
case in which all the testimony on
either side was given by attorneys
The Jury was out all night, and, not
agreeing in the morning, they were
asked what the matter was. They re
piled they ''could not make up THEN
minds, because the evidence was sc
poor"
A CERTAIN divine who had wandered
In the course of his travels beyond the
conveniences of the railroad was
obliged to take to a horse. Being I'm
accustomed to riding he said to his
host: 81 hope you are not SO regener
ate in these parts that you would give
me horse who would throw g. COCO
Presbyterian minister ?" "Wall,
Dunno" was the reply, eve believe il
spreadin' the Gospel '-Independent
How uncey tain are the vicissitudel
of this life! A man may be scootin,
along on snow shoes over the beauti
full snow lying on the numerous hills
about this city, exulting in all the Wig
or of youth, and Overlooking with 81
abundance of animal spirits, and tn
next minute he may bein an adjoining
hat or coat, waiting for the sprin
thaw to set in.-Hailey Wyoming
News-MIne.
eMR. TRIALBALANCE," said Old Hy
son to the bookkeeper. ''you wer
away two days last week" 81 was
Mr.. Hyson; [ was summoned suddenl,
to attend the funeral of my grand
mother" "Ah yes" said the old mer
chant, "quite right, quite right. Ac
cept my condolences. Did you bur,
the old lady eyes; sir. All, yes
buried her." 81 thought from you
breath that you had embalmed her.
loud and long continued silence.)-
Burdefte.
1--WE feel" writes 8 Western editor