Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-04-23
GIFT OF
~" Acots,n plishment Which. II Not Natural.
Ma Be Cultivated.

q" accomplishment Which, II Not Natural.
May he Cultivated.
Probably, my son, you v consid-
ercd how important a thing it is in life
TO use language with felicity and copi-
o"sly. l purpose showing you, by a
couple OF examples, how appetizingly
a dish of fact may be garnished by the
flowers of speech.
Here is Il bald, embarrassing matter
OF fact statement:
las l came down town this morning.
saw Il man run down by a herdic.
He was not hurt, but his clothing was
badly soiled."
Now there is nothing attractive in
this statement. 1t is juiceless, spirit
less, inartistic. See how the same
esting:
"By blowpipe! 1 witnessed a con-
demnationed narrow escape this morn
ing. Great Zeus! but L thought the
lncarnadined fool was booked for Hades,
Tor sure! He was just ahead of me,
aye see, and the man, by stove-lifteri
must have been blind or asleep. An
unsanctified herdic came carccrino
down the street, by pens and scissors!
and just as the anathema got halfway
over the crossing. by %pianaforte! the
herdic, by curtain fixtures! came on tc
him. by elm tree! pell nell, and, in IN
instant, by tobacco! he was down or
his marrow-bones, by collar-buttons!
and the horse almost on top of him, by
check-rein! The fellow wasn't hurt,
but, by Boston Common! he got a con-
demAed busting, by sealing-wax! and
he looked, by pocket-knife! as though,
by cuspidore! as though, by garden
sass! he had been wallowingin ahorse-
pond, by locomotive and atrain of cars,
all his natural life, by primrose and
daisies!'
There. that is something like. You
have the same story, but embellishc6
and beautitied into a real work of art.
A few oaths intersperscd into the COM
monest narrative will e~nliven it won.
drously. There is much virtue in ar
oath.
Again: You are called upon to make
Il speech. You have nothing to say,
therefore you remark to this effect:
"Mr. Chairman--I am no public
speaker; and if | were, l have nothing
to say. Therefore 1 beg to be excused
from attempting to make a speech.
Thanking you for calling upon me, l
will, with your permission. now resume
my seat"
That is what you would say; but ar
orator would express the same idea in
language BETTING and eloquent. For
instance:
"Mr. Chairman-Utterly and irrevo-
cably unaccustomed and unused as ]
am to mount and ascend the raised and
| elevated rostrum and to dispense and
give forth thence glowing, glittcring
ind resplenaent streams of speech,
rounded and rotund periods of clio
quence and ornamental and ornate ora.
tory, am especially and particularly
Unfortunate and unhappy at this time
md moment in not having any thing tc
talk about, to speak of or ever to men.
ton. Hence and therefore, Mr.. Chair
man, l beg and supplicate and pray tc
be excused and pardoned and forgiven
if, Mr.. Chairman, Incither attempt no.
essay, g yet %endeavor, to speak OF
talk upon this occasion or ut this time
Or in this presence; but that I may be
permitted and allowed, both at this
time and upon this occasion, to be eX.
cused and exempted from making
manufacturing or constructing any re-
marks of any kind whatsoever, or from
uttering. delivering OF giving voice tc
any thoughts, cogitations predictions.
And. Mr.. Chairman, returning and OK
tending my heartfelt thanks and good
wishes 10 you, Mr.. Chairman, for calling
upon and requesting me to address this
honorcd and honorable assemblage OF
honorcd and honorable gentlemen,
will now and at this time, with your
kind and graceful permission, your in.
diligence and your wcll-known anG
universally recognized courtesy, re-
sumo and retakc the seat from which
ought never to have arisen. and which
I ought never to have %rclinouished or
left. Again thanking you, Mr.. Chair
man, for the honor you have bestowed
upon and vouchsafed to one who was
never fitted to flourish in the luxuriani
! fields of oratory, l ice more sink and
descend into the %obscurity and insig-
| n%ifcancc from which | ought never to
have emerged or vcnturcd forth"
This is oratory; this is eloquence.
Copy this style of speaking, my son.
| and you will soon acquire name anu
fame rs a public speaker.
And to you, my daughter, l have a
| word to say. Instead of simply say
ing:
II saw Sue to-day, but she didn't
have anything particular to says"
Endeavor to cultivate that faculty of
diffusive particularly so uncommon to
your sex, and deliver yourself in this
wise:
II saw Sue to-day-and, by the way,
what u taste she has in bonnets-oh!
that reminds me of May Pennington;
she's got a lovely new wrap. and John
Strut says-you know John; his sister
married Charley Black-wonder what
she ever saw in Charley! I'm sure l
never could endure him, he isn't 4 bit
g~ood-looking, and then he's so stupid
what vas 1 going to say? 0, yes!
John Strut; John says-oh, Belle! have
you seen Johns new turnout? 1t is
awfully nice. 1 was telling Kitty only
last nipht-what a u,leor pirl Kitty isl