The Washington critic., 1886-06-01
GENERAL AND CRlTIUULAR.

great achievement in those days.
GENERAL AND CRITICULAR.
The young man who goes to see his girl
on Sunday night is hereby informed that
1890 is the official hour for departure.
Parents are also warned that 1t will DO no
use to drop boots on the floor up stairs,
move around below shutting doors and
windows, turning down the gas and resort
ing to other chestnut devices to get the
young man out without resorting to per-
sonal violence He has the bulge on them
by royal permit, and they will have to sub
init until Mr.. Cleveland's term has expired
anyhow.
II Mr.. Blaine fails Of nomination In
1883 Gail Hamilton is going to change her
name to Cyclone Hamilton and let loose.
Sam Jones, In speaking Of converting
hari-hearted newspaper men, says he
couldn't'touch a Chicago reporter with
ten-foot pole He ought to have tried
ten n'cent cigar.
The fruit of cultivated society is snob.
berry.
The Vassar girl, who was running her
health chewing gum, has cut her teeth.
They were false ones.
There are sixteen million dozen OF hen
eggs imported to this country every year,
and we bow our necks to this foreign
yolk without murmur. Is the American
hen laid out forever?
Martin Irons appears to have struck out.
The Chicago Nal kicks because the
County Board proposes to pay $4,000 for
whitewashing the courthouse. How much
will the MuH charge to whitewash the
Board and let up?
II anybody In town can tell us the sppro.
priateness of a Congressman getting drunk
on Decoration Day we will give our in
formant the handsomest basket OF flowers
In the District.
The Austrian Ministry is divided on the
petroleum importation question. The
standard Oilocrats of Austria are getting
in their work.
Mr.. w. NJ. Laffan, who succeeded |. w.
England as the publisher Of the New York
Sun, receives $4,000 year. There are
very few people in this country who
wouldn't be Lafran If they got that much
| for 1t.
| Speaking OF buttered Congressman we
feel to exclaim with the poet: "Thus con-
science (?) doth make cow-herds Of us oil"
A billy goat, Of warlike mien,
| But full of fun and frolic,
| Made at Congressman one day,
| OF aspect meancholic.
| The great mans mind was running DER
| With thoughts of some good measure,
Which might perchance secure him votes
And suit the peoples pleasure.
He didn't see the goat until
The beast almost attacked him,
And when he saw that frlghtful front
| a grievous terror racked him.
Dismayed, he fed while Billy smiled,
| Alu btOppcu ulb Win puThulug,
Then picking up bit OF rag,
He calmly went TO chewing.
"Well, WE'LL" he chuckled to himself,
"Between me aud the gutter,
Some Congressman are dreadfully
Afraid OF bogus butter"
Moral: The goat hadn't the slightest idea
OF hurting the man, only the man didn't
know 1t,
SIS there anything IN this butter ~ 10
quired the grocery keeper OF the honest
farmer with bucketful to SELL
"No SIR, not thing"
"Are you sure ~
"Certainly am, | made it myself, aud
| know there's nothing In 1t but pure
crcam.n
"Well, | don't want It, The butter
handle has got to have some profit in II,
and when 1t isn't that kind take oleomar.
garine"
A hole in a stocking is somewhat in the
nature of revelation.
A Washington correspondent was speak,
ing about opening law Office.
"NoF" said his friend, "are you @
lawyerP
swell, not exactly" was the reply, "but
pve been admitted TO the bar"
"Going to have partner F'
"No; I'll run 1t by myself"
"Whapll you do II you catch on to some
thing you don't know how to handle :"
oh, employ 'able COUNSEL OF course
You bet I'll get there somehow"
| Call In n Cyclopedia.
| Enron CnITIr. VIII vnu f,1aaea apsua