News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-04-22
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
HUMOROUS NOTES FOUND FLOATING
ABOUT IN OUR EXCHANGES.
A Brave Young Women Borrowed In
Leut-Equal TO the Test-An Exchange
of Courtcsies - He was Impr evident -
Dots and Dashcs, Etc.
AN EXCHANGE OF CoURTEsIEs.


and tell me what he says"
Mrs. Rich - 'tWell, what did he
say p
Mr.. Van Duzen-"Oh, nothing much.
He only remarked that he was at least
modest enough to dress the goods he
had for barter or sale"
Mrs. Rich-"What did he mean by
that %
Mr.. Van Duzen Cnnocently)-'T do
not know, I'm sure. He looked pretty
hard at your daughter when he spoke "
Mrs. Rich-"Slr Do you mean to
insult me !''-Ram6ler.
HIS LOVE WAS EQUAL TO THE TEST.
The other evening, when Fitznoodles
called on his girl, he found her with
tears in her eyes and her face tied up.
'It's the awful, awful toothacher"
she sobbed, as he asked for an explana-
ton. ''The dentist says l must have
two of 'em out. Will you go with
me ?''
"Of course"
"And will you-you also have tooth
pulled ~
"Certainly."
1.-Two of 'em Z"
eyes"
''Betore I do ~
eyes, darling"
Then she flung the handkerchief from
her face, brushed the tears from her
eyes and gave him a long, lingering,
procrast1nating kiss on the left jaw.
She had simply been testing his love
and devotion. They will so to Niagara
Falls on their bridal trip.-Detroit Post.
so MPRovIDENT.
Insurance Agent-'NIrs. Macgooni-
gal, don't you think your husband would
like to have his life insured, so that you
would be provided for at his death p
Mrs Mac-E'No, sor! Oh don't DIV
troid i'm wunst before"
Insurance Agent-"You don't mean
to say you have already tried to have
him insure his life 2"
Mrs. Mac-''No, sorl But whin a
mon would go all through the war wild
out gettin' kilt an so deprive lis wild
der of a dacent pension, he is too slow
entoirely to have his loife insured, do
yer moind ?'-Philadelphia call.
AN ENORMOUS CHECK.
A ten-dollar-a week Pinc-street clerk
was boasting of the checks drawn for
| large sums of money which he had
seen.
passed through my hands drawn for
$175. 900. -
A pale faced young man with a pim-
pie on his chin smiled sad, RETROSPECT
tive smile, and said:
Il saw a bigger check than that last
summer. A good deal bigger, to me. "
"How much was it drawn for 70
''Dollar an a quarter. 1t was check
for ice cream. ~ Y. Times.
BORROWED IN LENT.
Little Mabel-''Ma, what Is Lent p
Nativity, darling, what put such
question in your head p
Mabel-"Oh, nothing; 1 only wanted
to know"
Maxwell, let me see-there are the
flat-irons to Mrs. Smith, cup of butter
to Mrs. Jones, the carpet stretcher and
mouse trap to"
Pa-"Good heavens! that isn't what
the child means. Lent is a season of
forty days set apart in the spring to give
people fashionable excuse to econo-
mize."
AN URGENT CASE OF EFFICIENCY.
A tramp met Senator Voorhees, going
to the Capitol one morning.
"This is Mr.. Voorhees,, l believe" he
said, politely touching his hat.
eyes" replied the Senator.
''NTay l ask if you are not in favor of
the Urgent Deficiency bill p
~ am.
"Ah! Then give me a quarter. l
think I've got the worst case of urgent
deficiency that has come before any
Senator in a long time"
The quarter was forthcoming - Wash
ington Critic
A BRAVE YOUNG WOMAN.
Young Lady Gn Sixth avenue restau-
rant) care you keeping Lent, Clara ~
Clara Cooking over bill of fare)-
ooh, my! yes. We are High, you
know"
Young Lady-"What have you given
up2"
Clara -'Meat" CTo waiter) ''You
may bring me some whitehall, broilcd !
chicken, and crcam-hashed potatoes" |
(To friend) Eyes, l have given up meat |
entirely until Easter. Papa thinks I'm
very brave"
WHEN THE DAY Is COLD.
II see, father" said Rollo, looking
up from the paper, ''that two boys in |
Maine were frozen to death while going
to school,
"Quite likely, my SON." replied
Rollo's father ''quite likely; thing
that is liable to happen anywhere, even
in July. But you never heard of boy
freezing to death while coming from
school Never, my son." And that
gave Rollo something to think about all .
IN mornlng,-Broohlgn Fogle.
HIP, HIP, FJHURRAHJ !!
The Minnesota Norwegians have
again been celebrating the discovery of
America by Niels Niedersson the Red
The exercises opened with the reading
of the Djeclaratjon of Fjindepend
jience and closed with the singing of
Hail Columbia. Fjhappy Jland.
Fjail, ye Jheroes Fjheaven bjornyterne
bland
which wjas given with a vim that
BURDETTE.
A DIFFERENCE.
care you a customs officer 2"
''Yes, sir
"Well, l had little package sent
over to me by the steamer Oregon-just
n little, valueless package, not worth
more than $40. Has it come in yet p
'Why, man, haven1s you heard that
the Oregon was sunk z"
''No; was she BY George! ! must
go right up and put in bill for that
package. There were $12, 900 worth of
diamonds in it. y Chicag0 Neo0s.
HE KNEW.
A Young man in a restaurant lately
overheard the following conversation
between two rather rough-looking but
evidently quick-witted young men who
came in to get lunch
"Hollo, Dick" said the first one,
whats your throat tied up for 2
"Quinsy."
Quincy. Mass. p
No; Quincy. lll."-~Aaros1's Baear, J