Morning journal and courier., 1886-04-03
TERRORS.

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 No matter how homely 8 woman may be 8
 looking glass possesses no terrors for her. l New York Journal.
 Anxious Reader--No. You are mistaken. Burns did not write poem called the Boy cotters' Saturday Night ."-Pittsburg Chroni- c1e.
 Professor Huxley says a mouse is a harm less creature. Ladies should cut this out and paste it up in prominent place.-New York Journal.
 It must be remembered that Bulwer wrote fsThe pen is mightier than the sword" be- fore the days of the stylographic pen. Other wise that staten ent would never have been penned.-Puck.
 "Can February Marcha" asked the punster, with a sickly smile Perhaps not, replied the quiet man; s'but April May" The puns- ter had not another word to offer.-Boston Transcript.
 "Are you pretty we'll acquainted with your mother tongue, my boy?" asked the school teacher of the new scholar "Yes, sir," answered the lad timidly. "Ma jaws me a good deal sir."-Burlington Free Press.
 Scene, Art Museum in New York. Daugh ter-What is the subject of this piece of sculpturea It is beautiful. Mother-I am sure I don't know, dear. Bystander lwith 8 cold in the head, overhearing)-1d's a nydia from Bompeii. Mother-She says it's an idiot from Bombay.-Life.
 Mrs. Sungmuch (who is the first guest to arrive, to her hostess(-And so. you expect Mrs. Dash2 Fine woman, very fine woman, though, between ourselves, trihe loud. And really she shouldn't go she does with young MT. Milds. And he's coming toos Nice fellow, extremely nice fellow, if he does make me think of a monkey every time 1 look at him. And Miss Jolie2 Lovely girl Pity she's so very plain and unpleasantly rude. And Ritewell, the author? Clever man, but horribly conceited. And Mrs. Woods An, there's charming old lady! admire her so much for this reason: You never hear her say 8 word against uybody.-Harper's Bazar.
 Vermonters at least will appreciate this reasonable story of one of their fellow-coun- trymen: Ike Sloan was farmer, like all other Vermonters, but wasn't exactly one of the type whose "critters" and vegetables al ways bring mora money than other peoples On he;contrary, if there was any difference and the market rate it was generally to his disadvantage. One day on his way back from the village he complained bitterly to the people with whom he gossiped along the road that the storekeeper had abused him most shamefully by giving him only nine gol dern him, said Sloan with a chuckle, II got even with him. for put more'n two dozen bucketsful of water into the sap before I billed itI''-Boston Record.
 How Could He Tella-Yesterday gentle man, residing in neat modest cottage in the suburbs of Austin, caught tramp prowling about his back ard, evidently try ing to steal something. "Why don't you come to the front door if you want any thinga' indignantly roared the proprietor ''Thats what was looking for,' was the i'm pudent reply. Didn't you it the other side of the housea" retorted the gentle man. 'tHow was to know that the front doora No silver door plate, no bell, no telephone, no statuary, no servant to take your hat and cane. Tell your boss there is a gentleman out here who is waiting for his breakfast" When the gentleman got back with his shotgun, the tramp was not there any more.-Texas Siftings.