The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-01-08
MEN LIVING sY THEIR wlTs.

MEN LIVING ~ THEIR WITS.
How Many New Workers Enjoy an IDLE
Existcnce-.A Hotel Clerks Curl.
osity shop.
How many hear Of, and yet how few
seem to know, the number of people
in this city who live by their wits. Liv-
ing by ones wits is a curious express
sion, apparently paradoxical, but to the
thoughtful and obseryant il offers
the most convenient and truthful por-
trait of an uncertain career. 1t is the
motto of that class of people who are
forever waiting for something to turn
up. In most cases something does not
turn up. and consequently these poor
followers of dclusivc fortune are forced
to the ends of their wits to find an easy
method of supplying their daily wants.
A reporter of the Daily Telegraph
frequently drops into the hotels to find
out who is there or what is happening,
and his eyes always fall up0h a certain
class of loungers who are there at all
hours of the day. They sit on the fine
chairs and sofas, use the stationery, read
the newspapers, act like guests of many
years standing, yet never spend one
cent at the bar or in the dining-room.
They never work and seem to have no
income. What they do for a living is a
mystery. WHAT" said a reporter one
day to hotel clerk, ''can that individ-
ual do to maintain cxistcncep" pointing
ut the same time to an addressed young
fellow sitting in comfortable arm
chair who was engaged in the work of
extracting ideas from vacancy. "Well,"
said the good-natured clerk, 1--WE keep
here a curiosity shop, and this old fellow
is one of the rarest objects of interest
He has claim against the government
for something less than million, grow
ing out of some difficulty in the late
war, and he has been living of that for
years. He lives entirely BY borrowing
money. He will make friends with any
one, and after he has obtained his conf
dcncc, through long and brilliant nc
count of his claim, will generally ask for
half-dollar. Of course he gets it, be-
cause few like to refuse the old claim
ant, and chiefly because few have the de-
sire to inquire into tho correctness of
his claim. It's spurious, undoubtedly,
but it's capital device to extract money
from the pockets of the liberal"
A BLIGHTED SHAKESPEARE.
"What ~ said the reporter, "can he
possibly live on what he obtains in this
uncertain .way?"
why, certainly" said the hotel
clerk; che makes good living and
takes life as easily as swallow. Come,
you don't seem to know one-llalf the
bright characters who live without any
work other than that which they devote
to the sharpening of their wits. Our Gu
riosity shop is full. We have some
skelctons...b but won't trouble you with
those now, but there arc some fellows
here whose pcculiaritics of living, &C.
ccntricities, and experience in the UNI
certain science of making money with
out the expenditure of much toll, would
make new and enjoyable figures in a
work under the hand of q master. Look
at that fellow over there" pointing at
the same time to a midlle-agcd person
talking to three young men. He was
dressed ordinarily and had soft hat on
his head. twisted and shaped to suit his
idea of what was becoming. He twirl-
ed a small cane and occasionally snap
ped his finger in the face of his young
auditors with the intention of convey
ing the impression that he had world
of secret knowledge in his mind which
no one could ever purchase of him,
.'Oh," said the reporters informant, she
is drawing the outlines ola vast scheme.
Do you see how he holds the attention
of his companions? He's clever fell
low, one of the rarcst birds in our Curl
osity shop, and really would feel lone
" if he left us. He is sharp and cum
ming, and is working his abilities for all
that he can get out of them. Well, sir,
he is what you call playwright, that is
he has been writing plays for the last
ten years, but one Of them has ever ap.
pcared on the stage. Yes, Ibelieve one
saw the light in an obscure village in
Georgia. 1t was praised by the editor
of some newspaper, and he carries his
Endorsement in his pocket, which he
thrusts under your nose when you pre-
sumo to question his ability in this re-
gard. The play died the death of so
many like it, but the words of that
editor with him will be immortal. This
is not his sole occupation. Oh, no! He
could not live by it, but he follows a
more lucrative calling akin to his occ,,-
patton as a playwright. He is engaged
in preparing pupils for the stage.
"You smile and wonder where all tho
future Garricks must come from that
fall under his benign instruction. There,
again, he is clever. He does not look
for his histrionic flock in the city, be-
cause there are few here who are unable
to detect his imposition. He advertises
in the rural papers that a gentleman of
histrionic fame is able to accommodate a
few more young men who desire to study
for the stage. This meets the eyes Of
some country couple who have been flat
tered into believing that their only son
might make a great actor if he only pos
sessed a little training. A correspond
ence is opened, and the parents are in
formed that for few hundred dollars
their son can be made IN actor. Part of
the money is paid, and the son comes to
New York. The poor rustic is awe
struck in the presence of the great in
structor for the stage. and swears he
must have been wonderful actor, be-
cause he has the traditional air and habits
of u follower of the sock and buskin.
HOW THE TRAINING PROCEEDS.
''The pupil is soon tortured by listen
ing to the playwright reading page after
page of his rejected plays. Being of u
polite and inoffcnsive nature, he immcdi-
ately gains the respect and affection of
his pupil Visits are made to the theatres,
where the rustic is introduced to the
keeper of the box office, or the ticket
takers at the door, but the expense of
admission is always paid by the pupil.
The latter is shown around the stage
at times, and even gets glance at the
much-covcted green-room, which sets
the poor fellow in fit of rapture. He
writes to his parents of the scenes he has
visited. and pictures in glowing language
money is forthcoming, which falls into
the playwright's exchcquer, and then
visits are made to all the uncertain re-
sorts about town, When 5000 or 500
have been spent OH the poor rustic's
education without developing the neces-
sary spark of genius he returns to his
old home with considerable experience
and the firm conviction that nature
never intended him for tho staue Tn