The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1886-12-09
A Dreadful Situation.

! A. ~~AO0SAAA N4bASSpAOAs
Shopping is essentially feminine art
and the women ought to attend to it them
selves. got a friend into an awful lot Of
trouble recently by giving him commits.
sion. Coming home from the theatre
became aware of something wrong where
couldn't conveniently get at it. A part
of my standing rigging had worked loose
and stocking was slipping down into a
lot of miserable, uncomfortable folds about
my ankle. OF course had lost a garter
My companion noticed my preoccupied all
and inquired the cause, and when | told
him be jokingly inquired if he was ex-
pecled to make good all losses Incurred
while was under his protection. As it
would be inconyeDient to go out in the
morning, | accepted shiss suggestion and
told him he could get me pair on his way
down town and send them up by mes
senger. The poor man wasssvisibly agi-
tated, bnt he wouldn't back out ard,
ratherru efully accepted the commission.
He hal a terrible time the next day. He
thought be would step tito first-eass
store, but when be got there his courage
began to ooze out. The place..was full of
women, and he thought they were just
waiting for him to come in and ask for
garters. Every woman who passed him
looked at him as though she knew what
he was after, and was silently laughing at
him. So he weakened and kept on down
town. Finally he sneaked around a cor
ner when he thought nobody was looking,
and furtiyeIy lodged into the door of a
small store that seemed to be nice, quiet
place and to present possibilities OF gar
tiers, judging by the works of art displayed
in the window. He stepped up to the
counter nearest the door and told the
saleswoman what he wanted, in a way that
indicated great haste. / believe he added
that he wanted to catch train.
We don't keep gent S furnishings, she
replied.
Then he said he wanted them for a lady,
and she rejoined i'll her regular cash-here
voice
Next to the last counter on the other
side for ladies' garters. y
He was the only customer in the store,
and all the clerks were young women, but
he braced up and started for the other end
of the apartment, which looked like the
perspective of a prairie road: 1t seemed
to him that he never would reach the van
ishing point, with all those girls looking
at him. He tried to walk firmly. and of
course, tramped like a horse. Then he
essayed the easy, unconcerned glide,
scuffed along like a schoOlboy and caught
splinter in this sole of his boot that caused
him to stumble and lose both his balance
and his self command. He tried to get his
bearings from the Autographs on the walls
picturing al sorts of feminine harness in
actiYe service. AS the Autographs began
to grow more interesting he concluded
that be was about in the latitude of gar
ters, and pulled up at counter, his face
red and his eyes blurred. and asked the
girl for garters, expecting her to hand
them over forthwith and put an end to the
trouble. Poor little lnnocentl The young
woman smiled coldly and said:
What kind. please ~
.Oh. the best you have,n he replied,
painfully conscious that his..ears'were blaz-
ing red,
But what style do you want ~ she re-
joined, evidently enjoying his plight. He
didn't know, as I hadn't given him any
specifications, and probably it never before
occurred to him that there could be more
than one kind. 1t was useless for him to
attempt to escape. All the clerks were
watching him. or seemed to be. So he
the clerk proceeded to exhibit and explain
the various styles. She showed him sus
pender garters attached to a waist belt
dress reform garters, carriers that hitch
ON to the side of the corset. carriers of
every imaginable kind, and when he seemed
dazed by her descriptions she took down
Autographs and minutel. s,ninted out the
way of wearing latent stocking harness.
He was bewildered and J. lpl.ss. an 4 gas /
at her appealingly for help. At last J..
stammered: What kind ito you-9 bur
was checked by an icy .'Sr!'' Then an
inspiration of genius. born of despair.
came to him, and he blurted out:
What kind would you be most likely to
lose off in the street ~
He made his escape with pair of old
fashioned circular elastics. which nc
woman who cares to preserve the natural
curve and shape of her limbs will wear,
and sent them mp by "a messenger, with d
note begging to be excused from future
shopping errands. Those instruments ol
torture are in my museum as mementoes
Of MASCULINE incapacity to master the in
tricacias of a woman's Delaying tackel.-
Clara Belle IN Cincinnati Enquirer.