The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-11-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

Baby carriages are now made to cost
rs high as 1915 each. This is good for
the carriage-makers, but it looks very
much like blow at our infant indus
tries.-BoSt0n transcript
Mrs. Swellington Jones-'Really. my
dear. you owe it TO your friends to get
= new dress suit" Mr.. Swellington
rones-"Well. if l do, shall have to
owe 1t to my tailor" ."-HWper'S Weekly.
"Papa. what is model?" inquired
little Johnny. "a model is a small
likeness of anything" And is model
man small likeness of man?' "A
great many of them are. ''-Mereha"t
Traveller.
A Jubilee. 'Are you aware
of any mitigating circumstances in your
case?" Criminal-"Yes, your Honor,
this il the fiftieth time l have been ar
rested for vagrancy, and l thought that
crhaps we might get up little Jubl-
lee. "-1eGaS Sytings.
You say you were in Germany six
mouths, and in all that time you did
not see Il drunken man?' Not one"
THAT is remarkable. In what part OF
Germany were you all this time?" lin
Jail. pard, in jail. Say, stake fellow
for breakfast. can't you?'-Bundette.
Magistrate-Yo are old enough to
know better than to drink WHISKY,
Uncle Rastus. Uncle Rastus-l kahn
help it, yo' Honah. l inherited tas'
TO it. Magistrate-lnherited taste
for il? Uncle Rastus-Yas, sab. Dat
boy Sam O. mine is drunk mos OBJ de
time.-N Y. San.
..Where have you been. Jane?" 1--WE
been to Il meeting OF the Girls Friendly
did the lady say to you?" please,
ma 'aln. she said | wasn't to give you
warning, as | meant to. She said
was TO look upon you as my thorn
and bear it!'-LOnd0tl PIach.
A brother in Williamsburg. Va, says:
ave wish 81, ,OOO-Baptist pastor here
who will serve us for $500, and we look
to the Religious Herald to find him for
MS" ANY pastor who is now on a sal
duced to $500 will please send us his
address. Richmond Religious Herald.
.Yes, am poor man." he said, as a
sad look stole over his expansive coun-
teuance, "but that is my misfortune. l
ought 10 have been worth S1,000,00
but an honest man does not have much
of . show in this world" 81 never en-
tered any," .,Ah! you are a profession
MI man?'' mo, am an Anarchist "
Peoria Call.
Jones' Hello. old man. how do you
like married life by this tlme?" Smith
comparatively new to matrimony)-
First ratei wouldn't be bachelor
again for good bit" '1ndeed! Why,
] understood your mother-in-law was
living with you" 20, no. just the
other way. Pm living with her. :"
"Well. that does make difference. "
Pittsbuyg Dispatch.
Scene in Chicago. Two long separat-
cd friends meet: Where is Uncle John
living. my dear fellow?" "He isn't
living" What! Why, when did he
die?S "He isn't dead" Good grac-
iousi You said he isn't living, and
infer that he is dead" ''Well. it's about
the same thing. He moved to St
Louis. ."-Nes0man Independent.
Mr.. Winks-''Our travelling man,
Blifklns. says the thing in San Francisco
now is japanese, not Chinese. house
servants. Every is getting them
Mrs. Winks-"They are real ly good,
thenP" Good! he says they are peer
less. absolutely without fault" Dear
me, we must get one, 1t will make that
Heaven Bless Our Home motto seem
less like Il mockery.
There's one thing l like about you," :"
said Chariey's girl to him the other eve
ming. Each of my former lovers was
mo If ho uaS ho lu
one l ever loved. You have never ask
ed me that question" mo. To tell
the truth" answered Charley, ''the last
girl asked that of rang Il chestnut bell
on me, and 1 have never asked the
question since. IN 7. Sun.
A Washington avenue boy was left
with neighbor while his parents went
to see a parade. and overheard the fol-
lowing gossip about them: ut was a
love match. They are most united
couple. After all, the right way is to
marry for love" Here tfre boy inter-
rupted with: s.Mamma married papa
cause she was fool. She said sor'-
Saturday Euening Spectator.
'.Are these spring chickens, Mrs
Caterer?' Yes, indeed, Mr.. Carp.
They were foaled-I mean hatched-in
March" where did you get themp''
From Mrs. Rubric-an honest woman
and a genuine Episcopalian." "Episco-
palian, is she? That accounts for the
scant upholstery on these bones. The
good woman has compelled her chickens
60 keep Lent. ."-Yonkers Gazette.
Rich and retired Socialist-My son,
you must give up your reckless ways
hn I Il
by many nights on the lecture platform.
of money left. Sire-Yes, but not OF
yours. Son-Correct; but and brother
Jim have decided that you would not
tell lie, so we are going to divide the
family estate in three even parts
French Fun.
MIR. Doubledollar-O, Yes, Minnie is
very accomplished. Why, she sings in
French, Italian and Spanish Mr. De
Smythe-Yes. that is very nice: but
should think she would learn some OF
those pretty English songs that are so
popular nowadays. Mr.. Doubledollar
Why. that's an English song she's
singing now. MIR. De Smythe-Indeed
4 thought it was French, Italian and
Spanish.
Wandering philosopher-Yes. my
dear sir, I've reckoned up that by walk.
ing downtown to my business every
day have saved $500 in the last ten
years Indifferent fellow (who always
rides) your health is better too?
Philosopher-O. much better. Indif-
ferent fellow-Well, l am out that much.
Good day! Philosopher-Ah, by the
way. could you lend me $5 for few
Graphic.
'And shall you try to break his willP''
che caller wanted to know, after the
widow had told her how the recently
deceased had fixed the property AND
rather left her out '.TryP" the widow
echoed as she smoothed out her dres:
complacently. Il don't think there
will be much try about it. 1 didn't have
any trouble breaking his will when he
was alive, and don't think it is going
10 trouble me any this time"
At the Southeast Indiana Conference
in Indianapolis speaker, referring te
the hardships of the early days in the
West, turned to the venerable Joseph
birmingham, aged eighty-six years, anc
said: 81 am glad, Father Tarkingham
that did not enter the itinerancy al
tine time YOU did," 81 am sorry did. ;