davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21
It Was Not Dear James.

l have a friend who is a CONNER.
cial traveller, and ON his return from
a trip he always comes up to sec me,
and enlivens my existence by re.
count of his experience on the road.
"Well, Charlie, anything new ?"
said 1, as Charley titled my best chair
against the freshly-papered wall and
pulled vigorously at one of my stogas
"Not much," said he. "I'm sick Of
the road. Too much Of a dogs life
I'm going to quit and settle down."
l expected this. Charley has been
going to quit during the four years ]
have known him, but he never quits
and, in common with many more
drummers, will shake the hand oi
many hotel clerk yet before he fin.
ally settles down.
whats the matter, trade dull p
/ asked, as Charley mechanically
looked around for the bell button
you're not in hotel, my dear fel.
low" and | drew forth bottle and
glasses from my cupboard.
"Well, here's luck" said Charley
as he lifted his glass to the light
mo, trades pretty fair, but it isn't as
it used to be. Why, when first
went on the road there was some fun
in it. | only carried one trunk, and
| could generally get the trade to look
at my samples. Now | carry three
and it's the hardest kind of work t.
get a man into the sample room
You don't know. Billy jackson, dc
your Travels for a Chicago house
Always registers with toothpick.
replied that / hadn't that pleas
ure.
Pleasure Humphl 1t would af
ford me the most unbounded pleasure
to get even with him for a little trick
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21
A Terrible Strain on Sam.

Mental exertion Of any kind is
something that tires the average Afri-
can. Writing letter just breaks
him up. Col. Yerger has negro
man named Sam employed about the
place, and yesterday Sam wanted
some clerical work done. He said
"Boss, | wants yer ter write me a
letter to my gal, in Waco"
Gail right, Sam, I'll do il"
"Has yer got de paper, an de ink,
an pen ready dar2'
"Yes, Sam, 60 ahead"
Write Austin, Texas"
"All right"
HAS yer got hit WRIT"
"Yes."
"All ob hit?'
Certainly"
"What has yer got written Read
hit ter me, boss"
Austin, Texas"
Oats right. Now write June de
fo'rteenf."
"All right, SAM"
HAS yer got hit down, boss, al
ready2"
Eyes"
"G'way, boss, you's jokin'. Read
hit ter me-"
"June fourteenth"
"Foah God, you has got hit down
all right. Now, boss, read hit all ober
from de berry beginnin'."
Oats right. Whew! say, boss,
les rest awhile. Use tired. My head
aches like it was gwinter split. Wi
conico Record.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

he played on me the other day over
over in Illinois.
81 was going to Efingham on the
Vandalia. got on at Casey, and the
first fellow | saw was Billy. You're
just the fellow | was looking for said
he. There's pretty girl in the front
car, and | think you can get acquaint-
ed if you work the thing right. I've
tried it myself, but l didn't seem to
catch on
"Pve got quite reputation among
the boys in this direction, so | easily
swallowed all Billy said, aud fol-
lowed him into the smoker. | thought
it mighty strange that girl should
be in the smoker, but there she was,
sure enough, and you can bet she was
a daisy. She was seated by herself
when | entered, near two gentlemen.
| thought they eyed me rather more
than was necessary. However, l
didn't say word, but quietly seat
ed myself opposite the dame and com
menced tactics.
after l had looked ut her once or
or twice she began to smile. Great
Scott, said / to myself, this is easier
than | thought for So / smiled
back. This was all the girl wanted.
She began to move nearer me, Then
she nodded her head and smiled sew
eral times. In all my experience |
aever had girl act that way toward
me in such short time, and | saw
there was something wrong, although
for the life of me | couldn't think
what it was. | wasn't going to back
out, however, so l smiled at her again,
and this time she came and sat down
beside me. Then she called me her
dear James, and threw her arms
around my neck.
cat this juncture one of the
gentlemen l had noticed came up and
explained. He was one of the keep
ers to an asylum along the road some
where, and was in charge of the girl,
who had gone CRAZY over Il love af-
fair. She imagined every fellow who
took any notice Of her to be her dear
James.
"This was all | wanted to know,
and I started for the door, but it
wasn't any use. The girl hung on,
and got more excited every minute.
"In the meantime one or two of the
boys had gone through the train, and
when they came back they brought
with them quite number Of interest
ed spectators. The keeper advised
me to humor her, and did. Ihumor-
ed her all | could. Every time l
tried to get away she would get vio-
lent, and | didn't like to excite her
more than | could help, as | saw |
was making my audience uncomforta-
bic. Such remarks as Juliet has
found her Romeo and the like,
were frequently passed around, and !
was beginning to think it would be a.
great relief to meet train going the
other way on the same track, when
we drew up at Effingham.
"Then / made break, off the
train. The last thing l heard as the
train pulled out was, Come back to
me, dear James! | haven't heard
much else since. Where was Billy2
Oh, he got off at Teutopolis. New
York Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

Bobby Cat the dinner tablc)-Will
you tell us about your escape after
dinner, Mr.. FeatherlyS
Young Mr.. Featherly Ga guest)-
About what escape, Bobby have
had no escape.
Bobby-Yes, you have. The fool
killer, you know. Pa told sister yes
terday that he wondered how you had
escaped him so long?-New York
Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21
He Wanted a Divorce.

Good morning, Marse William,
said Green Coleman, an elderly color
ed individual, as he entered the
Chancery Clerks Office in certain
town in Central Mississippi.
"Good morning, Uncle Green.
What can 1 do for you this morning p
responded the clerk.
81 jes' drapped in, Marse William,
to ak yer wot yer AK fer er deforce-
ment."
"a what, Uncle Green?"
"Er deforcement, Marse William
one er dem papers wild big yaller
plaster on ter it, same like Josh Bill
bro got when der Jedge onhitched
him an his ole CONAN last court"
"Oh! you mean a divorce"
"Yas, dat's what | want"
"Well, you'll have to file your bill
Of complaint, and when court meets
in December it will come up for hear
ing, and if your grounds for divorce
are good and supported by evidence
the court, l have no doubt, will grant
your prayer"
"Marse William, | done turn dat
file back long sence, and dat rheu-
matiz complaint amt 'fected me sence
/ bin rubbin' wild dem verbs. And
bout dem grouns, Marse William,
you'se knowed me long in reb. times
and cher sence freedom come, and
fore God, you know dis niger got no
groun'; not nuff to bury hese'f in"
"Uncle Green, the best thing for
you to do is to employ lawyer.
He'll tell you what to do"
"He will Z"
eyes"
"Well, Marse William, sees yeu'se
mitey busy-but jes tell me, what are
dat goin' ter cos me?"
"Let me see; one Of the young law
ycrs will take the case for SO, and
the court cost will amount to another
$10-$25, at the outside, is about all
it will cost you"
twenty-five dollars, Marse Will
liam! Fore God, dat's pow'ful heap
er money to be a spendin' on 'ooman
l amt seed in morn twenty year."
"What do you want with divorce
from your wife whom you haven't
seen for more than twenty years ?"
81 jes' want it fer ter pacify der
'ooman Ise got fer er wife now. You
see, der 'ooman / wus married ter on
ole massa's plantation in slave times,
she run'd off time Sherman's raid,
and then | tux up wild dis 'ooman Ise
got now, and she's feered my fus' wife
might come back and level OH me as
her property"
"Oh! Uncle Green, that's all set
tled-it's barred by the statute of
limitations. Just go home and tell
your wife not to bother herself-that
it's all right"
wont yer g'b me er writin' to dat
conclusion Sumfn' wot don't COS
more'n er dollar, and put one er dem
yaller plasters on it"
Seeing that nothing else would sat-
isfy the old man the clerk gave him a
certificate and stuck gold seal on it,
and refused to accept his dollar which
he told him to invest in calico dress
for the old woman.
AS the old man left the Office he
raised his hat and said, "Thank you,
Marse William and eff yer eber git
in such er pesterment wild er 'ooman,
an it's in my possession to justify yer,
I'll turn der complermint. Free
Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

"Do you preach without notes ?"
casually asked a new minister from
the east of an old preacher at an Ar
kansas conference. Preach without
notes ?" echoed the brother 81 should
say l did. Why, my dear brother, l
scarcely see a greenback in six
months" The subject was dropped.
-Ey
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

Among the traditions of the gov
crnment printing Office at Washing
ton is story told about boy sent
with some proofslips of an important
decision to Chief Justice Taney. He
appeared at the Office of the Chief
Justice and asked him, "Is Taney in?"
II presume was the dignified re-
ply, "you wish to see the Chief JUS
tice Of the United States 2"
81 don't care cuss about him. /
have got some proofs for Taney."
Il am the Hon. Roger B. Taney."
Then the proofs are not for you"
and the unceremonious messenger
would have gone off with them if the
Judge had not admitted himself to be
Taney simply.-Boston Budget.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

1t is reported that Senators Beck
and Call have tried to persuade Sen
ator Jones, of Florida, to come hack
to Washington, but he answers that
he is not at their beck and call.-N.
Y. Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

"Are you pretty well acquainted
with your mother tongue, my boy 7"
asked the school teacher of the new
scholar. eyes, sir" answered the
lad, timidly. "Ma jaws me good
deal, sir" Huntington Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

The Ursa Major is the new name
for the most fashionable full dress
worn by ladies. Ursa Major means
Great Bear.-Washington Critic.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

"Has your father got his affairs
wound up yet?" said Cleveland
man to young Mr.. Flatt, whose pa
ternal parent, Flatt, the jeweler,
recently made an assignment. "No,"
answered the youth, can he amt
likely to get 'em wound up inside of
twenty years" "How SOP" inquired
the astonished citizen. "Why, his
assets are mostly in Waterbury
watches" ."-Cleveland Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

Why is a Conservative teller un-
worthy of credenceH Because he
generally tells Tories.-London Fun
nv Folks.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

Hostess: you're not dancing,
Miss Plumpington. Shall / get you
a partner?" Miss Plumpington :
"Oh, l always get plenty of part
ners; but / am rather near sighted,
you know, and somehow l can never
manage to find them" Punch.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

T'm afraid we shan't have this
com partment to ourselves any longer,
Janet" ooh, it's all right, aunty
darling. If you put your head out
of the winder, I dare say nobody will
come in."-Punch.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

In spite of the innumerable stories
told about the depreciation of south
ern currency, suppose there is al
ways room for fresh one. A south
erner was riding roam horse when
he was met by another man on the
road on foot.
81 say" said the newcomer, "I'll
give you $4,000 for that herse."
"Will you, though p replied the
man Indignantly; "why, l paid 81 900
this morning to have him curried."-
Ingleside.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

When does a man behave like a
bird? Why, of course, when he flies
to drink.-London Fun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

"Do you know what time it is ?"
asked "a passenger on the elevated
road of stranger at his side.
EYES," replied the other, after
glancing at his watch. And he re-
sumed his paper.-Tid Bits.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

Customer, in restaurant: "Here,
waiter, this steak is too tough to eat" !"
Waiter: "Sorry, sab; Ise too busy
to argue bout dat steak now. If yo
wants to argue wifi waiter bout de
OBJ steak, yo mus come in
when de noon rush am ober." New
York Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

A correspondent writes to coun-
try editor: 81 send you little poem
called The lay of the lark If ac-
cepted, let me know" And the ed
itor replies: Rejected, with thanks.
If you will send few specimens of
the lay of the hen, we will accept"
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

The FREE Press is pure family newspaper that
your wife and children read without injury TO
their morals. IL is educator, and, in order to
keep up with the industrial, scientific and literary
life of the day, every family should take it.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

Lent services-Dinner sets borrow
ed from the ioner's.-Punch.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21
BURDOCK BLOOD BITTERS
Eos S@a
That Tired. WedyyfFeeMg.
HOW TO USE 4
Cream BalmI

Place a particle Of
the Balm into each
nostril a draw strong
bresths through the
nose. IL will be ab-
sorbcd and begin It's
work Of cleansing and
healing the diseased
membrane. It allays
Inflammation and pre-
vents fresh colds.
Not n liquid or SNUFF.
A few applications re-
lievo. a thorough
treatment tUiU cure.
Agreeable 10 use. Send
for circular. Price 90
cents, by mail or at
I...-.~4.l.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21
ARGUS AND FREE PRESS
One Year, S2.25,

Or clubbed with any OF all the above
combination. s+
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

A teacher requested a pupil to
parse the following sentence: "She
played on the piano."
The pupil began thusly: "Sheep
is a common noun; third person
plural number" S
"Hold onp cired the teacher
"Who said anything about sheep
She played on the piano. was the
sentence"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

PAPER Fon EVERY DAY IN THE YEAR.
PRICE, $500 A YEAR, or is CENTS WEEK.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

Oh, 1 thought it was sheep laid on
the piano., and wondered what the
muttonheads wanted to lay sheep
there for" ."-Dansville Breeze.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21
COMBINATION OFFERS /!

Splendid Premiums For Clubs
BE Send for Free sample Copy and Cata-
,ogue OF our Special Combination and
Premium Oners.
Address
THE FREE PRESS CO.,
Detroit, Mich.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21
MICHIGAN CENTRAL

The Niagara Falls Route.
Arrival aud departure OF trains noted below as
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21

ELY BROTHERS. druggists, oweso, N. Y.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-21
THE WEEKLY FREE PRESS
pS- ONE DOLLAR PER YEAR -au

Is large eight page, fifty-sx column family news
paper. suitable for the farmer, the mechanic, and
Ill others who do not wish TO take n daily paper.
Il is an epitome of The DAILY FREE PnEss, and is
live progressive and interesting weekly journal,
Butte semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1886-1890, 1886-11-03
Spelling an Interview With Royalty.

"That gentleman, sir, Hoco Po, an Afri-
can prince, sir, of royal blood, deep dyed" !"
wildly exclaimed little dried.up old man,
with blue goggles and a cracked voice. as he
pointed long, claw-like finger toward q
negro who was leaning lazily against post
at the Union depot last night.
"Ycs, SIR" he continued, "he's prince.
He can't talk a word OF English, but if you
want an interview l will act as interprs-
ter"
"Without waiting for a reply he began
talking in a language that had a suspicious
Hibernian ring to it, althoughit might have
been Greek or Sanscrit equally as well. The
negro, who was fully six feet and a half tall
and heavy in proportion, came forward
and was about to answer, when n rather
pretty little mulatto girl came forward,
and, grasped him by the hand, exclaimed:
ooh, Gawge l,se run all the way, and [
was 'fraid I'd be too late say 'good-dy to
you, but Use here"
"G'way, can't ye," exclaimed the prince,
as he shook her off and strobe ma jestically
toward his place in the Panhandle train.
The interpreter gathered up his two valises
and box containing q monkey and q
tame snake, and followed him rapidly with
out saying u word.
Oars dat Gawgc Wash'nton, now,
since he's jined dat show and b'eum a
prince, he doan care nnffin' fer his frens no
nc" sadly exclaimed the pretty mulatto.
as she wandered back toward her Webster
avenue home.-Pittsburg Dispatch.
Butte semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1886-1890, 1886-11-03
Thanksgiving Proclamation.

WASHINGTON, October 3O.-The following
is President CIevcland's proclamation des-
ignating Thursday, November 25, as a day
Of thanksgiving and prayer:
Proclamation by the President of the United
States
1t has long been the custom of the people
OF the United States, on one day in each
year. especially set apart for that purpose
by their chief executive, to acknowledge the
goodness and mercy of God and to invoke
his continued care and protection. In the
Observance of such custom, l, Grover
Cleveland, President of the United States,
do hereby designate and set apart Thurs
day, the twenty fifth day of November inst,
to be observed and kept as day OF thanks
giving and prayer. On that day let all
our people forget their accustomed en-
pigments and assemble in their
usual places of worship, to give thanks to
the ruler of the universe for our continued
enjoyment of the blessings OF a free govern
ment for the renewal OF business prosperi-
ty throughout the land for a return which
has rewarded the labor OF those who TIL
the soil and for our progress as a people IN
allthat makes a nation great. And while
We contemplate the infinite power OF God,
in earthquake, flood and storm let the
grateful hearts OF those who have been
shielded from harm through his mercy be
turned in sympathy and kindness toward
those who have suffered through his visita-
tons. Let us also in the midst OF
our thanksgiving, remember the poor and
needy with cheerful gifts and aims, SO that
our service may, by deeds OF charity, De
made acceptable i'll the sight OF the Lord:
In witness whereof l have hereunto set
my hand and caused the seal of the United
States to be affixed.
Done at the city of Washington this first
day of November, in the year of Our Lord
one thousand eight hundred and eighty-six
and OF the independence of the United
States OF America the one hundred and
eleventh. (Signe y GROVER CLEVELAND.
By the President.
T.F. BAYARD, Secretary OF State.
Butte semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1886-1890, 1886-11-03
NEWS OF THE WORLD.
xsw York City POlitics-An Insane
Mother-The Presidents Thanks.
giving Proclamation.
xEW YORK CITY POLITICS.
r,e Triaps ular Fight For the Mayoralty
of the City.

vrv YORK, October 3O.-To.day was q
b,sv one amongtbe politicians, practically
Losing the speaking in the canvass as the
o,oct;on will be held on Tuesday and Mon
day will have to be devoted principally to
a.cc,,tive work. Most OF the candidates
for mavor made speeches either during the
J,v or evening. Hon. Abram 8. Hewitt,
the united Democratic candidate for
mayor said in one OF his addresses to-day
that be had consented to accept the nom.
nation instead of running for Congress
again, in the belief that the Republicans
would make no nomination and so leave q
SQUARE fight between the socialistic and
anti-socialistic elements. Had he known
that the Republicans would nominate q
candidate he would not have accepted the
nOmlna tiOn.
Mr.. Theo Roosevelt, Republican candi-
date said in one of his speeches in reply to
this that if Mr.. Hewitt feared that the So
cialist or labor candidate might triumph,
and if all he wanted was their defeat, then
the proper thing for him to do was to turn
over portion of his following to vote for
the Republican candidate.
The labor organizations of the city who
endorse the nomination of Henry George
for Mayor had a parade tonight. 1t is es-
timated that over As 900 men were in line.
Police reserves were all held in stations in
anticipation OF any trouble that might oc-
cur but none occurred. The procession
marched in files OF ten and was two hours
and half in passing given point. Henry
George reviewed the paradei in Union Square,
II rained heavily during the march.
Butte semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1886-1890, 1886-11-03
Special to The MINER -.
THE WATER QUESTION.
The Muddle In Which 1t Finds Itself i'm
Helena.

The Muddle In Which 1t Finds Itself i'm
Helena.
HELENA, NJ. T., October 3O--Engineer
Wooliston has been trying to force his
water works proposition through the
council and very nearly succeeded. Con-
siderable opposition to the scheme has
lately made itself manifest among taxpay-
ers. A paper signed by all the prominent
business men in the city has been presented
to the Mayor; protesting against the Star
Chamber sessions OF the committee and it's
undue haste. Mayor Kleinschmidt was
asked by Wooliston to call an immediate
session of the water works committee and
give an answer whether his proposition
would be accepted, but the Mayor de-
clined to issue the call for such session.
The council will, however, meet tomorrow
afternoon and take the matter under con.
sideration. The public are invited to be
present OF the meeting. A discussion has
brought about modification of the origi-
nal proposition submitted, but the indig-
nation against the methods employed to
lobby the scheme through the council will
probably defeat it.
Butte semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1886-1890, 1886-11-03
MRS. STEWARTs'S WILL.
She Bequeaths Millions of Dollars to Hol'
atives.

0tives.
New YORK, November 1.-The will OF
Mrs. Stewart, wife OF the late millionaire
drv goods merchant, was filed for probate
to-day by Ex-Judgc Horace Russell, Henry
Hilton's son-in-law. Citations we're imme-
diately issued to the heirs and next OF kin
made returnabe on November IL. In the
instrument Mrs. Stewart bequeaths $2o,-
600 per year during his life to her brother
Charles P. Clinch' to each Of her sisters,
Anna, Emma and Julia Oinch, she leaves
an annuity of $40, 900 year; to her neice,
Sarah N. Smith, she leaves $25O,OOO; to
Cornelia s. Butler she leaves 5000, 600 and
to each of her children, Lawrence and
Charley Butler, $50, 900; to Kate A. Smith,
eooo 600 to each OF the remaining chill
Tren of Sarah N. Smith, namely-Louisa,
Ella, Bessie and James, $50, 900; to each
- the children of her deceased sister Louise
tornerlv wife of Charles e. Butler, namely.
Rasala. Helen, Virginia, Lillien, Magwel
and Prescott, $4,000. All the rest OF the
estate, @ real and personal, she bequeaths te
Butte semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1886-1890, 1886-11-03
Hungarian Finances.

PEsrE, November 1.-The semi-of1lc'al
M ners admit that the finances of Hungary
are in a critical state. Opposition papers
bluntly talk of bankruptcy and estimate
the deficit in next years budget OF sixty
million fiorins. Although the government
estimate of the shortageis only twenty.tw
million florins, in the budget submitted
Saturday it is calculated that the minister
Of finance will be obliged to contract a loan
of thirty-six million forms. 1t is rumored
that the minister will resign his office. The
budget has created bad impression at
Vienna.