The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1886-03-24
Theatrical Csnnr,shtn.

Theatrical courtship Is something that
cannot be witnessed with feelings OF
undimmed JOY by anybody who knows
anything about that sort of business
from actual practice, Ii may seem all
right to bashful people and persons OF
bad breath or limited opportunities for
a man to throw up his hands ana beg
for woman : heart the same as he
would plead for pair of old shoes if his
feet We're freezing; but every man who
ever lodged a potato-masher knows
that woman's affections are not won
in that way, and she noodle who ex-
poets to DaSk in the bliss of love re.
turned without discount will discover
after bit that he has been fooling his
time away, if he keeps on mouthing at
her from a distance and saving his little
piece as though twas something be had
committed to speak at ward caucus.
Fishing for a womaA's heart is good
deal easier than pulling iH trout, il you
know how to 90 about it, but don { un-
dertake it according to the plans and
specifications in use behind the foot
lights, young man, or You may never
attend a lecture course in your own bed
room.
When man pops the question in
play he tumbles down on his knees and
blcats it out like lamb that has cot
lost and feels bad about it, and then if
the girl says NOT as any right-minded
woman would be sure to do, he gives
her a look that would sour milk. swears
to be revcnged, and skulks out with
eyes at a half-cOck, joins band of rob-
bers and makes himself disagreeable
from that time on. If ANYTHING will
make a sen sible woman snub a man. it
is to have him flop down on his knees
and make a goose of himself ia that
way. The right way to pop the CUES
ton, as we have been informed by grad
uates IN that pleasing science, is not to
monkey around like mourner at a
camp-meeting. whining like q tramp at
a back door. but TO go ut it like man
with blood in him, with the strongest
arm around the girls waist and her lips
within kissing distance. This beats the
prayer-meatiHg style all to nothing, and
gives II man some show to 60 TO heaven
with his boots on. In case the answer
is favorable, as it is very apt to be If the
previous negotiations have been properly
conducted, no nan whose head is not
hollow needs guide book to inform him
what TO do next. From that time till
| marriage he walks on air, and feels as
| Joyous as a boy in swimming. The
sight of a three-legged cook-stove in
front of a secondhand store fills him
with emotions he never knew before,
and he reels at peace with all the earth.
no matter how much be may owe his
/ tailor.
But how IS it with the lover with the
| low-cut vest and sheet-iron shirt front,
who has not bruised his shins in vain in
the sfenciled halls of the muslin palace?
| If he is accepted. instead Of taking the
unfortunate woman 10 his arms in q
long, lingering embrace that makes
heaven seem little more than way
station, he brings the tips of her fingers
TO his lips with a jerky, convulsive sort
| of grab, sobs out his thanks IN voice
like wind blowing through knot hole,
drops her hand Ike a bot potato,
plunges into the forest and Is seen nc
more.
1t has been claimed that the theatre is
. school in which lessons of the highest
value are taught. but as an academy fOl
the diffusion of knowledge in regard &c
courtship, we insist that il is a mere kin.
dergarten compared to other means with.
in the reach of every STRIPPING who own;
Sunday suit. An old maid can give 8
young man more points about sparkling
at single sitting than he would picH
up at high-prieed theatre in i've years
| l-CAfcaGO Ledger.