The true northerner., 1886-09-30
HUMOR.

~
THE photographer song: "Wait
till the clouds roll by"
MENIAL service all girls take kindly
to-the hy-meneal service.
You can get your phiz at the photog-
rapher's or at the soda counter.
THE man who tells his friends all he
knows usually doesn't have very much
to tell.
The world is making progress, un-
doubtedly, but it is stern fact, new
ertheless, that it pays better to be
freak in a dime museum than to be a
poet.
ONE of those fellows who are always
deprecating woman's work says q
tailor can easily make a dress suit, but
a dressmaker can hardly ever make q
dress suit.
Mrs. DUsENBERRY-Now, just look
at those fannels If anything will
know what it is? Mr.. Dusenberry-
A boy will, my dear.
ANGELNA-Oh, mamma, Algernon
squeezed my hand so tonight that 1
almost cried. Mamma-What, my
child, from pain? Angelina No,
mamma, from joy.-Tid- Bits.
"WHAT is wanted in this country"
said the bride, as she examined the
wedding presents, sis not civil service
reform, but silver service reform. This
set is plated. "-Boston Courier.
IT fills the heart with gladness to
know that when one goes to the dime
a.. IL -
is not to be deceived by any kind of
makeup. The living skeleton never
pads. Courier.
A VALUED friend, who is often up at
the witching hour of midnight, tells us
that the idea that churchyards vawn
and ghosts walk is all bosh, but he in
forms us also that a man is very apt to
sprawl full length over hassocks and
to crack his bare toe on the elbow of
rocking chair if he strolls about the
house much then. en.-SomerUiHe Jour
nal.
A WESTERN editor, on entering his
Office, found large snake on his desk.
1t is not known whether the reptile
was left there by one of the editorial
staff who was on spree the night be-
FORE or whether it entered the Office
and craYled upon the editors desk in
order that he might give the right di-
mensions of the hero of his next snake
story. orriSto,Cn Herald.
GENTLEMEN of the jury, there is
still another extenuating circumstance
in favor of my client. He broke open
burglar-proof safe, a masterpiece of
German workmanship, valued by ex-
perts at 9, 500 marks, and this client of
mine contented himself with the l20
marks which he found inside and left
the valuable safe to the owner."-
Fliege1lde Bldtter.
"GENTLEMEN, he said to the report
ers, as the Sheriff put the knot where
it would do the most good, "wilfyou
grant me one last request before L
die?" The reporters, to a man, said
they would. "Then write me down as
having been simply hanged not
launched into eternity I'm no
dude" This request caused some con-
sternation among the young reporters,
but they all kept their word.-NeU
York Sun.
A BoARDER'S WOES.
We not boarder's life
In ID ID knows it's rough;
OF little finds his knife
On steaks like 1 tough.
At first there is n grand II A
OF meats he f. carVes
But soon the food is in ID
And in the ID st trves
A chickens A G. never knows;
It's ID finds TO smash,
And faith 20 X" boarder shows
Who takes II u of hash.
In X wants q second plate,
His hunger TO l. A.
His NJ stomach has to wait
To ask he'll scarce A.
A lemon A ID never smells,
And X . know is rare
A skeleton he soon LIS
On his Of air
The board he o quick mast pay
II G would retain;
Landladies have an / G way
And L never deign
Alas for those who X home
In hash mill vile;
We'd rather B tramp and roam
Than A h lot for style.
H. c. Dodge, in Tid-B
fhe Safest Of Ali Explosives.
IF iS now claipoad tbot noaans have