The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-09-02

Gated man nor polished man, though
claim to have son that is both of SAID
things, but hate To have rooster crow
over me because he has had better advan-
tages and better breeding than have. So
there was no love lost between us, as you
can see.
Directly l noticed that the hen began to
have spells of vertigo. She would be
standing in corner of the hen retreat, re-
verfing to her joyous childhood at Free
mont, Ohio, when all Mt once she would
"fall senseless on the earth, and there lie
prone upon the sward," to use the words of
a great writer, whose address has been
mislaid. She would remain in this COMFY
toes condition for between five minutes,
perhaps. Then she would rally little,
slowly pry open her large mournful eyes,
and seem to murmur, "Where am l!'
could see that she was evading the egg
issue in every way and ignoring the great
object for which she was created. With the
ability to lay eggs worth from 81 to 1913
per dozen delivered on the cars, could
plainly see that she proposed to wrap up
this great talent in napkin and play the
invalid act. / do not disguise the fact,
Henry, that / was mad. l made n large
rectangular affidavit in the inner temple of
the horse-barn that this poker-dot hen
should never live to say that / had sent her
to the seashore for her health when she
was eminently fitted by nature to please the
public with her lay.
therefore gave her two weeks to decide
on whether she would contribute few of
her meritorious articles or insert herself
into chicken pie.
She still continued naughty to the last
moment. So did her pardner, We there
fore treated ourselves to 50 dinner in
April.
then got some expensive eggs from the
effete East. They were not robust eggs.
They were layed during time of great de-
preston, Judge. So they were that way
themselves also. They came by express, and
were injured while being transferred at Chi
cago. No one has travelled over that line of
railroad since.
do not say that the eggs were bad, but /
say that their instincts and their inner life
wasn't what they ort to have been.
In early May 1 bought one of these inky-
baters that does the work of ten setting
hens. l hoped to head of the hen so far
as possible, simply purchasing her literary
efforts and editing them to suit myself. l
can not endure the society of low-bred
hen, and n refined hen seems TO look down
on me, and so l thought if / could get
one Of these ottymatic inkybaters L could
have the whole process under my own con-
troll, and if the blooded hens wanted to 90
to the sanitarium and sit around there with
their hands III their pockets while the great
hungry world of traffic camored for more
spring chickens fried in butter they might
do Sc and be doggoned
Thereupon / bought one of the medium
size, two story hatchers and loaded it with
eggs. In my dreams l could see long
procession of fuzzy little chickens march
ing out of my inkybater arm in arm, every
day or two, while my bank account swelled
up like deceased horse.
| was dreaming one of those dreams
night before last at midnight's holy hour,
when l was rudely awakened by gallon
of cold water in one of my ears. / arose
in the darkness and received a squirt of
cold water through the window from our
ever watchful and courageous fire depart
ment. Iopened the easement for the pur-
pose of thanking them for this little demon
stration, wholly unsolicited on my part,
when l discovered the hennery was in
flames.
| went down TO assist the depa rtment,
forgetting to put on my pantaloons as is
my custom out of Difference to the usages
of good society. We saved the other build
ings, but the hatchery is a mass of smol-
dering ruins. So am i.
1t seems that the kerosene lamp which l
kept burning in the inkybater for the pur-
pose of maintaining an even temperature,
and also for the purpose of showing the
chickens the way to the elevator in case
they should hatch out in the night, had
torched up and ignited the hatchery, so to
speak.
l see by my paper that We are importing
200, 900, 900 of hens eggs from Europe
every year. It'll be 100000, 900 next year
so far as I'm concerned, Henry, and you
can bet your little pleated jacket on it, too,
if YOU want to.
To-day send =. o. order No. 1886
for $3.50. l agree with the Bible, that
the fool and his money are soon parted"
-Tbjc00O Ne1gS