Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1886-08-19
WIT AND EUMGR.
SHE WASN'T BUILT THAT WAY.

SHE WASN'T BUILT THAT WAY.
She was stern as Roman Cato. she had studied
| Kant and Plato, and for wis IONS old
| potato dug in every soil and slime;
Yes, she dug the glittprlng tuber from Nar.
schaka down TO Cuba, from the Gauges
cline.
She could lecture on Plotinus, Athanasus and
Aquinas, and Semramis and Minus were
familiar on her lips;
She'd nc time for beads aud bangles. and for
silks and worste tangles, while by loga-
rithmic angles She forctold the next
| eclipse.
She could lecture by the hour. and with much
| forensic power, upon Locke and Scnop-
| enhauer and the medieval monks;
And she thought it was her mission and the
height of her ambiio just TO scatter
eruuition, and to leave it round in
| chunks.
She WIS like a knowledge bottle from which
poured, as from q throttle. views of
Bacon, Aristotle, R.id, Ricardo and
Renan.
But no crazed swain tried TO get her, for she
| cou dat fry a friJtcr, dress or cook u leg
of mutton, broii 4. fish, or sew a button:
| for she never was constructed on that
good old-fashioncd an.
S W. FasS in Tid-Blts.
A sure sign that Omaha, Neb., is pros
| pering-its rivals try to paralyze it by
referring to its citizens as Oma-hogs.
Speaking of drinking. it may be OBJ
served that man VINO ''ean take it or
leave it alone generally takes it
Utica Heraid.
A cheese factory is TO be started at
Caracas. South America. The natives
will then live no doubt on Caracas and
cheese. - PittSburg I hr0atcie.
At & French restaurant Here,
quite as fresh as the one you had last
Sunday" Pardon! Monsieur, it's the
very same. y It'd BITS.
Time expired; man ditto" was the
reason country postmaster gave for
notifying a publisher to discontinue
sending his paper to Il certain address.
Palmer (NaSS. Joar7laL
Collars are so high in linen, says the
Boston Courier, that they are appro-
priately called "cut-throats;' and the
young women who wear them look as
if they had chronic stiff neck.
Young men believe in nothing now
adavs,n said Mrs. Ramsbotham. with
deep sigh. ''Wny. there's my nephew
Tom, who was brought up as Chris
tian. and now he's an AcrostIc -
Punch
Fashionable mother-"You must
never use the word tony, Clara 1t is
only used by common people. Clara
what word shall / use, mammal
Fashionable mother" Swell. - a. T.
Sun.
| am coming by-and-by; you will
hear my plaintive cry in accents mild
and gentle as a lamb; I'm not coming
on II frolic, but TO give small boys the
collie; sing hey the small green apple
that ami L'tb'toig't toet.
1t is said that there are 10000 fam
lies in Chicago without copy OF the
Bible. The number without a copy OF
a paper containing the latest baseball
news is much less, SO the suffering is not
as great as might be supposed.-AorftS-
torn Hcrald.
"Ah. that was splendid game Of
ball Yesterday. wasn'tit? Our boys are
the best on the diamond. " But you
have been misinformed. Our club
didn't win" They didn't don't see
why in thunder they cant get decen!
nine here. " Ttd- BIS.
AT the entrance Of restaurant in
Pesth, Hungary, where young ladies are
employed, is posted 4 notice reading;
"Gentlemen are requested to abstain
| from kissing the mattresses on the stairs,
as this is Il fruitful source of breakage
and impedes the services. "
you say the trout weighed ten
pounds" Yes. sir; it was the biggest
trout ever saw. And he got away
| from you?" Yes "Will YOU take an
oath to that's" I'll take no more oaths;
swore enough about it when he got
away. - loHk,r, Statesman.
"A rose betwcen two thornS," said q
young man. as he seated himself at the
table with lady on each side, and
when one of the giis remarked tine
Jack variety be began to think thai
] the thorn business had more point 10 i
than he had real1ed.-LyaH lem
/ Young SmaliN59e-'l ue7lIt ~ P"'
chase a ring for my tianeee. Obllglns
dealer-"Yes. how long have YOU been
engaged9n Young S-''Nearly three
wears, sir Obliging dealer Ito CLERK }
-''Ah yes; James, show thus young
/ man some of those imitation garnets'
Chicago Ramtl,r.
A French candidate had good many
| Anarchists among his constituents and
was told ne rust placato them. MY
friends. said this gentleman, There =
/ much that is good IN anarchy; no one
/ knows this better than l. but we mutt
1 not abuse it. We must not 20 TO es-
uemes in anarchy any more than ~
anything else.
! Our receipts being reduced, the editor
/ arose with the sun Monday morning,
and. with his little pop. sent buile'