Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1886-07-23
The Veracious Bill Nye.
THE HUMoRIsT TELLS OF VARIOUS ABLE
BODIED CYCLONES.


THE HUMoRIsT TELLS OF VARIOUS ABLE
BODIED CYCLONES.
We were riding along On the bounding
train in Wisconsin. and some spoke of the
free and democratic way that people in
this country got acquainted with each 9TH
er while travelling. Then we got to talk
ing about railroad sociality and railroad
etiquette, when young man from East
Jasper. who had wildly jumped and grab
bed his valise every time the train hesita-
ted, said that 1t was queer what railroad
travel would do in the way of throwing
people together. He said that in Nebras-
ka once he and large, corpulent gentle
man, both total strangers. were thrown
together while trying to jump a washout,
and an Intimacy sprung up between them
that ripened into open hostility.
From that we got to talking about nat
ural phenomena and storms. I spoke of
the cyclone with some feeling and little
bitterness, perhaps, briefly telling my own
experience. and making the storm. as loud
and wet and violent as possible.
Then gentleman from Kansas named
George D. Murdoch, an old cattleman, was
telling of cyclone that came across his
range two years ago last September. The
sky was clear to begin with, and then all
at once, as Mr.. Murdoch states, little
cloud no larger than mans hand might
have been seen. 1t moved toward the
southwest gently, with its hands in its
pockets for few moments, and then Mr..
Murdoch discovered that it was of pale
green color, about sixteen hands high with
dark blue name and tail. About mile
from where he stood, the cyclone with
great force, swo0ped down, and with
mufied roar swept quarter section of
land out from under heavy mortgage
without injuring the mortgage in the
least. He says the people came for miles
the following day to see the mortgage, still
on file at the Office Of the Register of Deeds,
and just as good as ever.
Then gentleman named Bean, of West
ern Minnesota, man who went there in
an early day and homesteaded it when his
nearest Eeighbor was fifty miles away,
spoke of a.cyclone that visited his county
before the telegraph or railroad had pene.
trated that part of the State.
Mr.. Bean.sa it was very clear up to
the moment that he noticed the cloud in
the northwest no longer than mans
hand. 1t sauntered down in southwest
erly direction like cyclone that had all
summer to do its chores in. Then 1t gave
two quick snorts and "a roar. wiped out of
existence all the farm buildings he had,
sucked the well dry, soured all the milk in
the milk house, and spread desolation all
over that quarter-section. But Mr.. Bean
said that the most remarkable thing he re-
membered was this: He had dug about a
pint of angle worms that morning, intend
ing to go over to the lake toward evening
and catch few perch. But when the cy-
clone came it picked up those angle worms
and drove them head first through his new
grind stone without injuring the worms or
lmpairing the grind stone. He would have
had the grindstone photographed, he said,
II the angle worms could have been kept
still long enough. He said that they were
driven just far enough through to hang On
She other side like lambrequin.
The cyclone is certainly wonderf u,
phenomenon, its movements are so cratic
and in direct violation of all known rules
Mr.. Louis P. Barker. of Northern Ohio. |
was also on the car and he described cy-
clone that he saw in the seventies along in |
September at the close of hot, clear'day.
The first intimation that Mr.. Barker had |
of an approaching storms. was small cloud
no larger than mans hand, which be /
discovered moving slowly toward she |
Southwest with gyratory move--eas. 1t /
then appeared to De funnel-g..2ged cloud. !
which passed along near sae surface Of the /
ground with its apez now and then lightly
touching barr Or a aeIl and pulling it !
out By the roots. It would then bounG |
lightly into the air and spit ON its hands.
What he noticed most carefully on the fol-
lowing day was the wonderful eyideaees
OF its powerful suction. It sucked q raiIk
COW entirely dry, pulled IalI the water out
Of his cistern, and then went ABOUND to tina
waste pipe that led from tas bath room
and drew two-year Oh child, who WIS
taking bath at the time. clear doun
through the two-iIeh, waste-pipe. a dis
lance OF $50 feet He had two inches of
the pipe with aim and lock Of hs.ir from
the child s head.
1t is saeh circumstances as these. CON-
ing to US from the mouths of eye-Witnesses
that lead us to exclaim: How prolific is ma,
eure ana how wonderful are all her works
Including poor. weak mani Man. who
comes into the world clothed in a little
brief authority, perhaps, and nothing else
to speak OF. He rises up in the morning.
pravaricates. and dies. Where are o7r
best liars to-day? Look for them whare
you will and you will find that they are
passing away. TO into the cemetery. and
there you will find them mingling with the
dust, but striving still to perpetsate their
business by marking their toabs with
gentle prevarication, chiseleo in enduring
stone.
have heard it intimatsa. by people who
seemed to know what they were talking
ABOUT that truth is Gighty and will pre-
vail, but do not see much show for her.
Till the cyclone season is over.-.BsL Nus
IN Chicago Nesas.
a GRANMARIAN.,-Old Pete's boy had
just returned from school. In relating on
incident to his father, he said "-A
II saw the man.
Whats dat. Cum oher dat pint er
ri - + AAAS w