The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-01-16
THE INSURANCE CRANK.
| Alex. E. Sweet, tn Texas siftinss. l

oA NOtuuSA pam OayS Wuo W&S SotnGWuA1 of a fanatic on that subject. Colonel Sly vas a prominent citiIen of Oakville, Tex. The first time conversed with Colonel Sly was on the occasion of his family residence being destroyed by fire.
 Frantic men eJ aculatiug fire, fire, fire, were hurrying to the suburbs of the city. A dense cloud of smoke spread like a funeral pail over the neighborhood, while the fire 6end with his myriad of fiery tongues licked up the residence of our esteemed citizen, to use the somewhat lund language ot the reporter of the Oakville CIart0H. At least the flames succeeded in gaining access to partially filled can of kerosene in the pantry, and all idea sf saving the building was given up. lust at that crisis, with the rush of a cyclone and howl that woald have done credit to delegation of Comanchc ln- dians. the Oakville Salamanders appeared at the scene of the conAagration. AL though they swore and perspired with all the earnestness peculiar to amateur Ire companies they were unable to arrest the progress of the flames. They were in time, however, to saturate some of the rescued furniture. They also removed the stone steps and chopped down some of the largest peach trees, and succeeded in transferring all the water in the well to the cellar of the burning ed:5ce.
 Colonel Sly was hobbling about the premises. He had got splinter in his foot, and seemed to be in high spirits, he said.
 "Yes, it hurts little, but as took out an accident policy, and get thirty five dollars a week until the soreness goes out of the toe guess can stand it." "Colonel, l sympathize with you in the him up.
 Colonel Sly laughed merry peal of laughter.
 It's the New York insurance com panies that require sympathy. My late residence was insured for ten thousand dollars"
 The money was paid over and in a short time palatial residence occupied the site of the destroyed edi6ce, which was mere rat hole by comparison.
 The next time saw Colonel Sly he was in the county clerks office, taking out a marriage license for his son, who was a journalist by profession. expressed some surprise that journalist should be in such fourishing circumstances as to incur the expense incident to matrimony.
 He gets i've thousand dollars on the day of his marriage" whispered Colonel Sly, and looking all around to be sure that he was not overheard, he added, "the bride owns two hundred and fifty acres of land, and she don't know ye. tn at there is coal mine on it."
 "The next time 1 saw Colonel Sly was after he had returned from trip to Mexico. He was, as usual, very hilar- ious.
 "How did you enjoy yourself in Mex ico2"
 I've had grand time of it. came very near being killed. If hadn't had my life insured would be dead man right now"
 Have you got an insurance policy that will prevent you from dying"
 "That's just what my insurance policy did for me. was examining some an- cient Az ec ruins near the city of Me xico. when found myself surrounded by a number of villainous bAnditti, who threatened to blow out my brains with the bell mouthed blunderbusses or "esca- petas with which they were armed, if 1 attempted any resistance. We all went together to cave, and was given to understand that unless raised two thou sand dollars would be put to death in a slow and painful manner, by installments. as it were, until the money was paid over" !" "Your trip to Mexico was not pleas. ant trip altogether, but how did you man. age to foil the robbersl" 1 asked.
 "I had paid up policy for ten thou sand dollars in my breast pocket. It was in large New York insurance company. sent the policy to the American consul with request to communicate by wire with the company in New York. The company was only too glad to pay over the amount Of my ransom as it would in case the robbers actually destroyed me. See2"
 "Still can't see where you have gained anything, looking at it from pe- cuniary standpoint"
 Just wait until get back from Wash ington. am going to file nay claim for one hundred thousand dollars damages against the Mexican government. I've been offered fifty thousand dollars already for my claim. You see the robbers ad just begun to roast me alive when the messenger arrived with my ransom 1 was just beginning to sizz!e when the money came 10 hand"
 Colonel Sly returned from Washington with his pockets full of money. He had compromised with the Mexican consul for twenty thousand dollars. There was crspe on his hat when saw him in San Antonio. He was coming out of the office of an insurance agent with a check for thirty thousand dollars in his hand.
 had become little cautious about expressing sympathy with Colonel Sly, so 1 merely said that had heard of his bereavment, he having lost his wife.
 "Yes," he said smiling, "the ways of Providence are past finding out. Sarah was a good wife to me. This is ali 1