News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-29
GEMS FROM SAM JONES.
Paragraphs from Sermons Preached in In
dianapoIis by the Georgia ReYiyaIist.

>. Here is my theology; it is all I need.
Ii you want to do good God will help
you to do good, and if you want to do
bad the devil will help you. That's
enough theology for anybody.
have heard of churches which claimed
10 be the only church of God. The old
hard shells do it I believe. I don't
know how they are up here, but if they
are the same as they are down in Georgia
the Lord has turned over the whole
business to mighty ignorant crowd.
sympathy Is good deal better than
dignity. I've seen some old preacher
get up in his pulpit, and he looks like
ne Is five miles away, and he has got
dignity enough to fill two worlds. Dig
NIFTY is the starch of shroud. When l
Ole and am lying stiff and cold in my
coffin, I'll have as much dignity as any
body, but l am never going to be digni-
fed till do die.
Now, some sister, I expect, will turn
up her nose at me because am not dig
nIhed. Bless you, the devil has got a
mortgage on that nose, and he will fore
close 1t some of these days, and get the
old gal with it, too.
We have got to learn that money will
help man to heaven just like it will
help him to New York. l can get to
New York city without a cent, but |
will have to walk every step, and beg
my bread along the road. You can get
to heaven without cent, but you will
find Jordan a hard road to travel
A man who ives under the cook stove
and sleeps in the pantry belongs to the
animal tribe. A man who lives in the
library, with the finest authors, is an in
tellectual man. A man who walks arm
in arm with God is spiritual man.
1t is not the mysteries of the Bible
that bother me. 1t is the Ten Com
mandments. 1t is SO hard to live up to
them. 1t is not the mysteries of the
Bible that hurt me. 1t is the Sermon
on the Mount -
Many little cimblin'head fellow
the main object of his life is to find
out who is the father of Melchisedek-
If he only knew that, would be elected
for all time.
There Is a little, old, dishonest man
out there with a thimbleful OF brains,
who says: If God shoots that big cannon
at me I'm going to be converted" A
little old sparrow sits on rail, SAYING ::
When cannon ball hits me Pm going
to fly" There will be neither flesh nor
feathers left of the little sparrow when
ball like that hits. God doesn't shoot
cannon balls at snow birds.
Your papers copied with a good deal
of gush, what q preacher in Baltimore
said about me. A preacher jumped on
me and went for me with his spurs on.
Well, sir, the next day 1 said: ''Who is
this old case jumping on me here?n
And they said: "He's the preacher that
the liquor dealers hired to deliver a lee
ture for them. "Well," SAID, 81 I'M
derstand the old coon, now He is hired
on the other side" Don't you see.
What is slang2 will tell you what
it is. 1t is three or four of our English
words run into one-concentrated. Slang
is without ''g" on the end of
it-but concentrated English language.
You great old Ounce. That is some
more slang, amt it, That is one of our
finest, purest English words. Some of
you think that tote is slang. There is
not a purer, better English word in
Webster's Dictionary. I believe here
you all pack" it.
can beat you all to death pleasing
the folks. Do you know howe l do
not care whether please them or not.
But they just run in here by the thous-
and. If every preacher would preach
just like he thinks.
One trouble with you indianapolis
folks is that you are hide-bound, like an
old Texas steer. He will never fatten
while the sun shines until you can loos-
en- his hide. Laughter loosens the hide
so that you can grow religious. You
all need the currycomb more than you
need corn. There is just as much re
ligion in laughing as In crying. But if
you don't live right, be solemn as the
grave every day, for you ought to be
solemn.