davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20

who Talks Evolution With One Hand
md steals with the Other.

and Steals Win IUe ObEeIs
Socrates never uttered a wiser or more per
tinent maxim than this: There Is more than
one yav to remove the cuticle Of the cat"
was riding on the evening train, the other
dav. my active brain keeping time 70 the
clinlzety-oIack Of its wheels over the rail
joints, the steady rumble Of the train and
the well Of the whistle at the crossings when
a slender young man who had got aboard at
the station two miles back came in and took
= seat by me He rose again, went back
along the car with his eye on the other seats
until he saw a deserted conductors slip stick
ing in the window sill He came Lack, sat
down by me. stuck the slip in his hat, and ID
two minutes was sound asleep. ne con
ductor came in, glanced over the people ana
took fare here and there. but got over the
crowd without mailing the slumbering young
man with the pink slip in his hat. " men he
had gone back the young man awoke with a
Wild start, took a drink from a cooler, and
sat down with me again. l drew him into
conversation and found that he had been
over the country good deal. but never III
the capacity Of a sweat producer. He SAID
that lis father died from overwork, and
made him promise, ere he died, that ne
would not die in that manner
He assured me that he had kept the prom
ize he made to his dying father, and had thus
far escaped death from Overwork.
He had Travelled in many capacities ana
had lectured also. He had delivered series
of lectures or Darwinism, evolution, the
struggle for existence, and the survival OF the
ftt4-St. But he had lost faith IN 1t all, and
quit at last
I'VE cannot believe in the survival OF the
fttest =" said he, for if we did we would soon
see the earth populated by tailors, and the
good taiIors would survive the poor tailors,
In la str ole or
existence the strong butter would overtake
and destroy the weak, and thus we would
have at last only the strong, but such Is not
the case. Loci, at the coffee we get at the
railroad eating houses. No, there are many
reasons why I am not a believer in any OF
these theories, " ne said musiugly, as he upset
his celluloid cuffs and buttOned them 70 the
lining of his coat sleeves. I have rummaged
around through the great free libraries of our
land. have read everything that l could
get hold of. have studied the tracks OF the
gigantic straddle bugs of prehistoric times.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
Collins and the Cantain.

Presence Of mind, even in small matters, is
e grand thing to possess. On one of the har-
Dor boats the passengers had crowded all on
one side. 50 much SO that progress was i'm
peded. 1t was almost impossible 10 move
them, they were 50 numerous, 50 the captain
sung out collins, You must get the crowd
on the other side" ~Ay. ay, sir" and imme-
diately on that side was heard the cry, Man
overheard The crowd rushed over 10 see,
the bout Iighted, and the captain, with a
laugh, said. We'll done, CoIlius."-Boston
Letter
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
Tue SEA SERPENT CoRNERE0.

Oh thou serp~ut. dragon. demon. hitherto to com
mon s.ar1eu from Alaska 20 Van Dieman,
thou hast shown thy devil visage and thy
length Of scaIy tail; but none viii doubt thy
being -Ean a councilman of Gloucester and
a pedagogue Of Boston stand up boldly OF
the roster and declare that they have seen
thee-how thy skeptics cringe and quail.
Oh. thou monster mcgalosauTus, we believe; on
don't devour Us don't destroy or OvsrpoweT
US; we are humble. true believers in thy be
Ing. famous snake for 10 old wcrld traT-
1Ied sailor shat the oceans waves have
fo+.5ad on --ai7-- q councilman Of Glouccs-
ter or q redaroGue Of Boston, would the
slightest vague denial Of mild contradiction
make,
In thy wandering ecCsntTicIty thou hasI long
sought for publicity. but thy valid authen-
ticitv men would doubt and still deny out
fair truth must stand triumphant Thatso-
e'er the price il cost her. and a Pedagogue
of Boston OF a councilman Of Gloucester can.
not. would not viii not could not-coua
not ever tell a lie. Lynn CHiOh-
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20

but h. did not 1--we to meet Lieut. Greedy
or any of our most celebrated northern tour
lists Why NaddOdr yeaTued to go north and
discover colder country than bis own; why
he should seek 70 wet his feet and get lclcles
down his back in order to bring to light more
snow banks and chublaius, 1 cannot at this
time understand Why should robust and
prosperous viking roam around IN the cold
irving to nose out more frOs5-bitten ESqul-
maux. when he could remain at home and
vike'
But I leave this to the thinking mind Let
the thinking mind grapple with 1t. 1t has no
charms for me- Moreover, haven't that
kind of a mind.
Octher. another Norwegian gentleman,
sailed around North cape and crossed the
Arctic circle in 500 a. D., but he crossed 1t
in the night, and didn't notice it at the time.
Two or three years later Erik the Red took
a large snow shovel and discovered the east
coast of Greenland. Erik the Red was a
Northman. and he flomished along about the
Ninth century. and before the war He
sailed around in that country for several
years. drinking bay rum and bears oil and
having a good time. He wore fur under
clothes all the time, winter and summer, ana
evaded the poll tax for long time. Elk
also established a settlement on the southeast
coast of Greenland in about latitude 60 dogs.
north. These people remained here for some
time subsfsting on shrimp salad, sea moss
farjna and meats foot oil. But finally they
became so bored with the quiet life and the
backward springs that they removed from
there to a land that is fairer than day, to use
the words of another. They removed during
the holidays, leaving their axle grease and all
they held dear including their remains.
From that on down to 1880 we hear or read
varying and disconnected accounts of people
who have been up that way, acquired large
red chilbIain, made an observation and died.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
EIts r-ares VIII Wear.

An ice peddler, while going the rounds ~on
the Hill. 10" Roudout. this morning, was asked
bv a woman how much he would charge her
for cake of ice. He told her. The woman
expressed surprise, and said that the man
who generally brought her ice did not charge
aneaT as much as he did. But madam"
answered the peddler, my ice does rot melt
away like other ice, and IS worth more ne
hotter the weather Is the better my stock viii
stand it. ~Oh, well, if that is so, l will take
a cake" responded the delighted woman.
when "taTy"- is fed to the right kind of PEG
pie it Will stretch a good ways.-kingston
Freeman
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
sared hr a Miracle.

A couple from the humber walks Of life
came before a justice Of the peace TO be mar
ried, when, the ceremony being over, the bride
began to weep copiously
What's the matterfr asked the new hus-
band.
4 never told you that don't know how to
COOS" sobbed the bride.
Don't fret. III not have anything for you
TO cook I'm a poet. German Joke.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20

He stood for a long time looking into the
display window of a gents furnishing store,
and by and 10y he gave himself a sort of kick
and exclaimed:
"Humphl Just like me-"
RWhat is it3r asked boy who came up
I'm a fule!"
FOR whyl'
"For because I've bin wOnderin' for two
years how a felIer got into one of these but
ton-behind shirts, and I've jist disllivered
that be don't have to turn around III it TO
bring the busum to the 'front.' Bub, You may
kick me a nickers wuthf'-DetrOit Free
Press
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
What VAL street wants.

1t struck Mr.. Lewis that he could make
money by photographing the Delaware county
house where Mr.. Gould was born and sell
copies in Wall street. He journeyed down
the river with his trunk full Of the pictures
But they didn't sell ave don't care q con
tinental for Gould's birthplace" said a broker
70 Lewis, confidentially. What this world
wants is a peep at Gould's tombstone. New
York Times
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
All for the Best. Possibly.

They were engaged digging up the pave
ment on Chelsea street, when one, wlpln5 the
perspiration from his brow, observed;
-.Begorra, an its hot, then Wouldn't It
be a foine thing, Jennie, if we had the war
rum weather in the winter when we need II
so much, and then the coyld weather IN the
summer whin we're roastin'E
CAV. it wud that, " replied Jennie, solemn
g. but mebbe. Mike, it's all fur the best as
4 is '-Charlestown Enterprise.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20

Deue 10 iCrldIlu mas
always been under
control, and you
can get corner lots
in the most desir-
able cities Of Ice
land ard wear q
long, rickety name
with links in it like
a rosewood saus-
Iage, to-day, at a
low price. Mad
dodr, a Norwegian
viking, discovered
Iceland A. D. $50,
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
VILDER'S STEAMSHIP Co.,
Limited.
-
STEAMER KINAU,
(King, ComnanaeG},

Leaves Honolulu as per following schedule,
touching 81 Lahaina, Ai;salaea, Mak:na, Manu-
kona KaWalhne ItUpanOeh0e. Hilo ana Aeauhou:
commencing Oh MONDAY, July %, 1856, and
ON every alternate MOnd4y at p m, the kinau
,vIII make the VOLCANO TRIP, reaching heau-
hon on "Wednesday morning, where horses and
carriages are i'm waiting To convey passengers TO
the VOLCANO HOUSE give miles IN the saddle
and nine miles by carriage.
Passengers by this route VIII have two days
and two nights at the VOLCANO HOUSE.
TICKETS FOR TIE ROUND IkiP TO TIL
VOLCANO, FIFTY DOLLARS WHICH "A :
ALI. CHARGES.
The Kinau will arrive ia Honolulu Sunday
mornings on Volcano trips. ON H.lO trips, viii
morning.
PASSENGER TRAINS will connect with the
Kinau at MahukOna
The Kipau WILL TOUCH at Honokaia and
Paauhau down trips from HIo for Passengers
# a signal is made from the shore
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
NOTICE!
TO LEASE

T-OR "A TERN OF ONE YEAR OR MORE,
j the premises situated on Printers Lane
which connects with Punchbowl street, between
Palace Walk and BeretauiS street. The house
contains four good sized rooms, and the pantry
and kitchen are attached. Those desiring TO IN
sDect the premises can call on Mrs. Mills al the
cottage on Punchbowl street nearly opposite
Palace Walk or communicate by telephone Win
No 276 Of the Mutual Rent SO a month
no
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20

Repr g Sc II tatives
from almost every
quarter of the globe
have been TO the
far north, eaten
their little bunch Of
jerked polar bear,
and then the polar
bear has eaten his
little bunch of
jerked explorer,
and so the good
work went on. The
polar bear, with his
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
BILL I'VE ON POLAR HISTORY.
where Choice White Skeletons and
secondhand Clothes are Deposited.

secondhand Clothes are Deposited.
HUDSON, Wis, Aug. 4, 1885.
The excitement consequent upon the an
ticipated departure of Mr.. Glider for the
north pole has recently awakened IN the
bosom Of the American people new interest
in what 7 may term that great terra incog-
nita, If I may be pardoned for using phrase
from my own mother tongue.
Let US for a moment look back across ths
bleak waste Of years, and see what wondeilU u
nrogress has been made in the discovery Of
the noIe. We NAV then ask ourselves, who
viii be the first to tack his location notice on
the gnawed and season-cracled surface OF the
pole itself. and what viii he do with it after
he has 50 filed upon It:
Iceland. I presume, was discovered about
sGOA. D., OF I,O2G years ago, but the STAN
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
TO LET.

r PALANA-TwO NICE COTTAGES IN RO-
\ bello Lane for $50 and $40 per month re-
spectively. Inquire at Hyman Bros, Queen
street '94
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
\. CURRY & BROTHER,

IMPORTERS AND DEALERS IN SHOT
1 guns Rifles and Pistols, COLT Winchester,
Kennedy and Martin Magazine Rifles. Reuing
ton, Sharps and Ballard Sporting Rifles. agents
for w. W. Greener. Colt, Parker and Remington
BreeCh-Ioadiug Double Guns, Colt and smith d
Wesson Pistols N.CURRY & BRO, ll3 San
some street, san Francisco Cal. 1e-Iy
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
I 0bEttisemenls.

PACIFIC
Commercial Advertiser
STEAM BOOK AND JOB
PRINTING OFFICE
Is prepared to do all kinds
Commercial & Legal Work
Having just Received Complete and New
Assortment OF
job Types and Ornaments
OF the --latest STYLES, from the most Cele
brated Foundries of the United States.
and employing only Experienced
and Tasty WorKmen, we are
prepared to turn GU;
Letter Heads.
Bill Heads.
Circulars.
Note Heads.
Statements.
Bills OF LndiBg.
Contracts.
Mortgage Blanks,
Leases.
Shipping Contracts.
In Hawaiian & English
Calendars.
/ Blank Checks.
stock Certificates.
Bmsiness Cards.
! MeRI checks.
niIk Tickets.
Bank Checks
Orders.
Receipts.
Marriage Certificates.
diplomas.
Catalogues,
Plotting Pads
And in fact everything which frst-class
office can do
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
STEAMER LIKELIKE.

STEAMER LIKELIKE.
tLorenzen. Commander,
Leaves Honolulu every Monday at P. N. tor
+Kaunakakai. kahul uiHuelo. Hama and
Kipahulu, every week; Keanae, N Okulau and Nuu
every other week. Returning, viii stop at the
above ports arriving back saturday mornings
For mails aud passengers only.
STEAMER KILAUEA HOU,
cameron, COmmander),
WIN leave regularly for LahainR, FaauhRu, Ko-
hoIalsIe, Ookala. Kukaiau, HonOhina, LaiIAhGe-
hoe, Hakalau and OnOmea
STEAMER MOKOLIl,
tMcGregor, COmmanderO,
Leaves for the following por,s every alternate
Monday at p. M:
Commencing August TO Lanai KamalO, Pu-
koo Iahaina. OlOwau. Returning TO Lahaina,
PukOO, KRmalO, Lanai, arriving at Honolulu sat
urday morning.
10. Pukoo, Halawa, W ailau, Pelekunu, kalaupapa'
returning TO PukoO. Lahaiua, Olcwalu. Lahaina,
Pukoo Kamalo, KaUnakaKai, arriving at Homo
lulu Saturday morning.
nF- The Company viii not he responsible i0i
anv freight or packages unless rcceipted for, MOI
for personal baggage unless plainly marked. No
responsible for money or jewelry unless placed II
charge of the Purser.
All possible care will he taken of Live stock, bu
the Company VIII not assume any risk Of accident
SAM'L C. WILDER, President.
s. B. ROSE, Secretary.
OFFICE-Corner Fort and Queen streets.
55-Iy Mar 80
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-11-20
STEAMER KILAUEA HOU.

VIII leave regularly for Lahaina, FaauhRu, Ko-
holaleIe, Oolala. Kukaiau, HonOhina, LaTTahCe-
hoe, Hakalau and OnOmea
The Washington critic., 1886-10-29

ElARINi's ACADEMY Opens satur-
IVA day, oct. ., 1886, (iasonlc Hall, 9th
and L sts n W. Mr.. j.. G. Marni will resume
his instruction on the above day, Beginners
classes, for mis- ses and masters, Tuesday and
Saturday, TO p. m. For adults, Tuesday
and Thursday evenings. For particulars see
circulars, to be had at the Academy and
principal music stores. Former pupils are
invited on tho opening day.
CCIENTIFIC ana Effective Sparrlngs
The most beneficial of all exercises taught
by Prof. j. G. Collins, at his residence, 706 I'd
st n W. Lessons in dumb bell and Indian
club exercises also taught
The Washington critic., 1886-10-29
WASHINGTON, OCTOBER 30, 1886
EDITOR CUTTINGS SCHEME.

The conspiracy which is said to be
Matching at FL Paso, under the leader
ship of A. X. Cutting, has for its OBJ
iect the capture of the three Mexican
States Of chihuahua, Sonora and Du-
range, and their conversion into an In
dependent Republic with all the mod
ern improvements II is just the sort
of project to enthusc the border and
enlist the co operation Of the adventur.
Gus, foolhardly and irresponsible. Yet
if we are TO believe the conspirLtOrs
themselves, they have substantial re-.
sources at their command. The Cath
olic Church is with them. The Nor
mons indorse the project The Iului
Indians and the Mexican revolutipnists
will rally to its support. As for cap.
ital, they look to New York and Chi.
cago for loans to any desired amount
upon the bonds of the new Republic
and its mining properties. What can
there be chimerical or impraclc lblo
about an enterprise With all the b brcI-
ing of men aud means that this appe lrs
10 have?
The conspirators, however, should
guard well against contingencies. 1t
may be that New York and Chi
cago capitalists viii not care to make
advances on new Republic for which
even the ground has yet to be stolen
and hence it might be difficult to
properly arm and equip the invading
column. 1t is barely possible, also,
that the Mexican Government would
protest against the violent seizure and
detention of the three States named,
and interpose uncomfortable obstacles
to their occupation; not only possible,
but highly probable that in such event
the Government of the United States
and the Government of Mexico would
act conjointly and subject the Social.
istic crusade to crushing process be-
tween the upper and the neither grind
stones.
All these things and various others
ought TO be carefully studied out
and provided for by Editor Cut
ting before he moves across the Rio
Grande again, for neither the Mormon
Church, nor the Catholic, nor the
Yaqui Indians nor the Chicago capital.
lists can save his neck from stretching
If the Mexicans ever catch him in
chihuahua on such mission as he
proposes.
The safest and best thing Cutting
can do is not to stir peg until he has
raised all the money he needs on hi:
bonds. That being done instead of in
vading Mexico, he should migrate t.
Canada.
The Washington critic., 1886-10-29
NOTES AND GOSSIP.

HENRY GEoRGE has brother In Philadel-
phia who is bookkooper at the Gas Office.
Tue ESTATE OF the late Colonel Charles
g. Greene OF Boston aggregates about $780,
COO.
CHARLES CuLBRETH Of Dover, Del, has
bought Allen Thorndyko Rlce's Maryland
property, "Tho Plains" for 100000.
Mir. MAT. Harrison Of st. Paul, Mimi,
and Miss Gracie Henry, great-granddaugh-
ter OF Patrick Henry, were married at
Richmond, Va, yesterday.
CHESTER NJ. DAWES, a son OF the Mas
sachusetts Senator, has been appointed
junior counsel OF the Chicago, Burlington
and Quincy Railroad Company
Miss NELLIE NEVADA Moore is the chief
architect and builder of charming house
near Pittsburg, in which she lives. She
wears trousers when doing mems work, but
when that is over she dons pettlcoats
again.
EDITOR WoRruiNGToN OF the Boston
T}dtClicr remembers that when he took
hold Of that paper thirty years ago. it
was considered the most successful paper
in the city, yet 1t printed only ,425 copies
daily.
SENIOR IAMAcoNA, the popular Mexican
Consul at New Orleans, having accepted
an important public position at Pucbla,
Mexico, has resigned the consulship,
much to the regret OF his many American
friends.
DIR. SAMUEL b. WARD, the Presidents
companion In the Adirondacks, has gone
into the woods again on still hunt.
Whether he will knock down a bu, * or
foreign mission remains to be seen.-[ New
York Morning journal.
Az OLD lady mined Hannah Sands diel
in Wcstchcstcr County, n. Y, last fall, who
lived In squalor and was supposed TO bo
misenhly poor. Subsequently about $i00,-
eco IN money and bonds wac found sewed
up In one of her old skirts, which on We'd
ncsday was paid in equal portions to four
nerhcws, her only living relatives.
"WHAT pretty children you have" said
the new minister to the proud mother
Of three little ones. "Ah, my little dear"
said he, as he took girl Of five on his
lap, "are you the oldest of the family :"
NO, ma'am,n responded the little miss,
with the usual accuracy OF childhood,
"my pas oder'n mc.''- st. Paul Herald
"1here's no disgrace in being poor"
So says the provorb leuient;
But there Is one thing very sure
It's mighty inconvenient.
TTil-Bits.
The Washington critic., 1886-10-29
STRENGTH FOR TODAY,

StronRth for to-day Is all that we need,
AS there never will be tomorrow;
For tomorrow Will prove but another to-day,
With It's measure of JOY and sorrow.
Then why forecast the trials OF life
With such sad and grave persistence,
And wait and watch for a crowd of Ills
That as yet have no cXistencei
Strength for to-day; what precious boon
For earnest souls who labor,
For the willing hands that minister
To the needy friend or neighbor,
Strength for to-day that the weary hearts
In the battle for right may quail not,
And the eyes bedlmmed by bitter tears
In their search for light may fail not.
Strength for today that our precious youth
May happily shun temptation,
And build from the rise 10 the set OF the sun
On q strong and sure foundation.
Strength for to-day, IN house ana home
To practice fOrbearauce swcetly;
To scatter kind words and lovely deeds
sun trusting in God completely.
Strength for to-day Is all that we need,
As there never viii be tomorrow;
For tomorrow will prove but another to-day,
With It's measure Of Joy aud sorrow.
-LBoston Transcript,