Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-05-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
Is it good taste TO critizise the exc
cution of a performer who hangs upon
a chord ?-London Funny Folks.
Scotch saying: A doar plaat wi
a mons mann on's wary goad
thing, bu, dinner plaat wi a mons
dinner on's better.
"What evidence have you that you
are Christian Z" said Mr.. Spurgeon
to working girl.
81 now sweep under the mats" "
she replied.
"That," said the great preacher,
sis sufficient" ."-Ex.
A Philadelphia housekeeper wants
to know what becomes of all the
clothes pins. We supposed that
they dress themselves up in panta-
looms and pass themselves off for
dudes. 1t takes sharp eye to de-
tect the difference between them and
the real article.-Boston Transcript.
Brown: "Fogg, why is a man on
horseback like tenpenny nail"
Fogg: 81 give it up Immediately.
This is Lent, my dear boy; man
must give up something, you know,
and | have concluded to exhibit my
respect for Christian observances by
giving up conundrums. ."-Ex.
"Your appetite is much better than
it used to be-" said landlady to her
boarder. Indeed, ma'am. | don't
think so. Why, | don't eat one
quarter so much as | used to-" THAT
is why l say your appetite is better
better for me, of course" said the
old lady with a self-satisfed grim
n. Y. Journal.
Mosenthal: 81 dell you, young
weller, dot ofergoat vite you like der
baint on der ceiling"
Customer, feeling in his pockets
"But great mackerel, what's this
cockreach doing in the pocket here? ?"
Mosenthal: "Dond say a vord my
vriend. We gif dem away NIT efery
twenty tollars wort of goods.-The
Rambler.
"What kind of man is he; good,
bad, or Indifferent" "Well, that de-
pends a good deal on who teeters on
the other end of the plank with him."
"How so, sir?" "Well, if you size
him up alongside of Judas Iscariot,
he looms up middlin' fair; but when
you come to set him down between
sich fellers as you and me, Jedge, he
does dwindle terrible surprisin'-he
does, for fact."-Ex.
Going down town in a Fourth
avenue car Thursday, a big Irishman,
who had evidently been drinking deep
potations of Gladstone's eloquence,
arose from his seat and gave the bell
strap sharp pull. The conductor
exclaimed angrily: Here! don't do
that. You're ringing the bell at both
ends of the car"
"That's all right. Bedad, an l
want both inds of the car to shtop."
IN. Y. Star.
"Who's that you just nodded to p
"Fellow / knew"
whats his name?'
"Shuah | don't know"
"Where did you meet him?"
Dashed f / know"
"What is he, anyhow"
Swear don't know"
"Your general knowledge of him
appears to be very comprehensive.
Do you know anything more about
him ?"
BLESSED f / know" Free Press.
An Emperor of Germany once
stood before the magnificent tomb of
the Duke of Rudolph of Suabia.
Some Of his courtiers were of opinion
that he ought not to allow his NOR
tai enemy to have SO splendid mon
ument, but that he should have his
body exhumed and buried elsewhere.
"Oh, let him lie where he is" said
the emperor; 81 only wish all my
enemies were as splendidly buried"
-Ex.
Curious how sensitive capital is"
he said as he took stand over u
grating where he could get a Whit of
mingled warm air and onions. 81
never observed it," replied the other.
"No! Well, here's an illustration.
Last night hadn't a cent and VIC
l. n