Morning journal and courier., 1886-04-13
NON.U MON.

There has been no strike yet for an ad- vance in the wages of sin.-Pittsburg Chron- icle.
 The labor question is game of ball. Men go out on strikes and wait for judgment- New Orleans Picayune.
 The rivers in the Southwest are so high from the recent rains that the fish having their bedrooms on the third floor have to use step laddeas.-Philadelph Herald.
 A Pennsylvanian has patented a milking machine. The milking machine is calf Inventors should turn their attention to patent for getting the milk out of the calf.- Oregon Statesman.
 Pomp, splendor. parade and tinsel lure the idle and enthuse the rabble, but music and banners soon lose their charm to him who walks behind the pigeon-toed man in pro cession.-Chicago Leader.
 Philadelphia inventive genius is wonder full. It is said that firm ill this city takes long steel combs, covers them with codfsh and sells them as fresh Delaware shad.- Philadelphia Chronicle Herald.
 A man and his wife have been arrested at Portland, Me-, on suspicion of having mur- dered book agent. We were laboring un- der an impression that all of the States had granted immunity for little discourtesies of that kind. Philadelphia Call.
 Ouida says if the Venus de Medici could be animated into life, women would only re- mark that her waist was large. Ouida, as usual, is mistaken. The Venus de Medici would have 8 pair ot eorsets before any body would have chance to say word.
 Miss Lili was scolded by her nurse for making faces. "You will become frightful- ly homely if you persist in making such faces" "Then you must have made a great many faces. nurse, when you were 8 little girl," replied Lili.-Denver Tribune -Repub- lcan.
 A western man, whose house was attacked by burglars, loaded his gun with box of pills and killed two of the miscreants. Look out for such medical certificate as this: 'I was seriously attacked by burglars. took one box of your celebrated pills, and the burglars are no more. With gratitude" etc. -Springfeld Union.
 Important Information.-The class in nat ural philosophy was being examined by Pro lessor Shore, of the University of Texas. "Can you give me an illustration of the law of gravitations' "Yes," responded Tom An jerry, one of the students. of & letter weighs more than an ounce It costs double postage. ."-Te1as Siftings.
 Apart, too, from the great events of which he was great but essentially professional part, General Grant led an uneventful 1ife.- London Spectator. This recalls the criticism of the Frenchman upon the view from the famous Richmond Hill, England-'It is vary prettee, but take away the trees and the rivare, and-what is it?'
 Last Saturday Postmaster Wood received postal card from Chicago, directed s'to the prettiest pair of soft brown eyes in Win throp." He offered it to some 20 or 30 different damses, but none of them would take it until finally one of them said that although her eyes were not brown, she knew she must be the one meant, and bore the prize off in triumph. (Me.) Budget.
 The Tiger and the Peasant.-A tiger who was out for walk came to the cabin of a peasant and knocked on the door. ''Who is there 3" demanded the peasant. 'It is I, the tiger" A gun was poked out of a window, and the tiger received a mortal hurt As he rolled on the ground in his dying agonies he gasped: ''Ungrateful man! I was intending simply to pay you friendly call!' "Ahi yes!' sighed the peasant, "but the difficulty of distinguishing 8 good tiger from bad one is so great I make it rule to fire upon all." Moral-There are no honest burglars. Detroit Free Press.