The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-09-01
SOME SMILES.
Language is Often a Slippery
Thing to Deal With.

(
The child of the past and the parenl
of the future is not an unhappy sinll,
! for the-present. Happiness has beer
likened 10 a ghost; all talk about it. but
few, if any, have ever seen it. Ambi
| tons ladder rests against star, remarks
clever writer, who also tells Us that q
proverb is a short truth sandwitched be
tween wit and wisdom.
Eioquence is coat of many colorS
judiciousIy blended No one thing will
make man eloquent. FIattery has been
termed "a kind of bad money to which
| our vanity gives currency. Society, like
shaded silk, must be viewed in all situa-
tions, or its colors will deceivers. Kind
ness is the golden chain by which socie-
ty is bound togethep: and charity is an
angel breathing on riches; while graves
have been poetically called the footsteps
of ANGELS.
Language is slippery thing to deal
with, as some may find when selecting
their SMILES. Says a writer: Speak of
a mans marble brow, and he will glow
with conscious pride; but allude to his
wooden hand, and he is mad in a min
ute" The young lecturers SMILES were
gathered in a heap when he expressed
the whole body of his argument on de-
eeit in the following: O, my brethren,
the snowiest shirt-front may conceal an
aching bosom, and the stiffest of all col
lars eneircle throat that has perhaps a
bitter pill 10 swallow"
Plagiarists are species Of purloiners
who filch the fruit that Others have gath
cred, and then throw away or attempt to
destroy the basket
II has been truly said that the abilities
of man must fall short on one side or
other, like too scanty a blanket when
you are in bed; if you pull ii upon your
shoulders, You leave your feet bare; if
you thrust it down upon your feet, your
shoulders are uncovered. The man, we
are told, who has not ANYTHING to boast
of but his illustrious ancestors, is like a
po;ato-the only good belonging 10 him
being under ground.
a man at dinner in evening dress has
been likened to a conundrum YOU can't
tell whether he is a waiter or a guest A
Yankee, describing lean opponent, said:
That man doesn't amount to sum in
arithmetic; add him up and there's moth
ing ID carry" An American critic in re-
viewing a poem said "The rhythm
sounds like turnips rolling over barn
floor, while some lines appeared to have
been measured with a yard-stick and
Others with ten-foot pole"
An amusing illustration was given by
a parent when asked by his boy, = What
is understood by experimental and nat
ural philosophy The answer was; If
any one wants to borrow money, that is
experimental philosophy. If the other
man knocks him down, that is natural
trations seem NATURALLY to many childen
\ little girl suffering from the mumps,
she felt as though headache had slip
ped down into her neck Mamma"
said another youngster alluding to a
man whose neck was a series Of great
rolls Of flesh, that mans got double
chin on the back of his neck" A little
S-year-old, in admiring her baby brother,
is said 10 have exclaimed: He's got a
boiled head, like papa"
Talking of curious similes-among the
southern languages Of India is the Tel
oogoo or Telinga, 50 rough in pronuncia-
ton that a traveller of the nation speak
ing il before ruler0f Bokhara, admitted
that It's sound resembled the tossing of
a lot Of pebbles in sack" \ simile for
scarlet stockings Is fire hose-laughter is
the sound you hear when your hat blows
Dfi-and trying to do business without
is said to be like winking at
a girl in the dark" An unpoetical Yam
kee hats described ladies' lips as the glow
ing gateway of beans, pork, sauerkraut,
and potatoes. This would provoke Mer-
ryat's exclamation of Such metaphor
| never met afore.r Much more compli- (
nentary was the old darkey's neat reply
to a beautiful young lady when he Of /
fered 10 lift her over the gutter, and vino
insisted she was too heavy. " Lor, missy"
aid he, ''rse used to lifting barrels of SUI
,ar." Wit from mans mouth is like a
mouse in a hole; you may watch the
hole all day, and no mouse will come
,ut but by-and-by, when no one is look /
ng for it, out pops the mouse and streams
across the parlor.
Marrying a woman for money, says a
is very much like setting a
slt-trap and batting it with your own
ingeE
An American writer says: T" 4 man
With one idea always puts me in mind Of /
IN old goose trying to hatch on; a paving /
'tone"
An editors simile of mans career Is
up in the line Mans
rapor full of woes. and starts a paper,
,usts, and goes"
We all recollect how the Bath waters /
we're associated in Weller's mind with 4
he flavor Of warm Aatirons." The hu- 1
norist who created that character was
,fien reminded Of printers parenthesis
" the appearance of bowlegged child [
md the elongated pupils Of eats eyes