The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1886-01-15
VARIETIES.

There's woman at the bottom of it,"
as the man said when his wife fell into a we'll
| --Gustavus Pancake has been appointed
postmaster at Omega, Ohio. He is very
popular with lasses.
"A Louisville paper gives picture of a
young woman who was kissed by tramp
If the likeness is correct one, the tramp de-
| serves sympathy.
..-Misfortunes never come singly A young
man in town was presented with two fancy
pen-wipers on Christmas, and in the even
| ing he fell ON the ice and broke his ankle
| AN Atlanta man is dying from the bite
of a mule. When mule becomes dangerous
at both ends it is time to PROFOUND the polit-
ical conundrum, "Whither are we drafting ?"
An, exchange says that if clothes are
brushed up, that is the wrong way they will
not get shiny. We have tried this rule on
silk hat and can testify that it works like
| charm.
"A clothes observer has discovered that
| there is as much difference between an over
dressed woman and a true lady as there is
between a gorgeous sunfower and modest
pompone chrysanthemum.
The bang is purely Turkish, having
originated with them, as is the square cut OF
| the neck of a dress known as the "Pompa-
dour," which style that lady had doubtless
borrowed from the Turkish bellies.
When Bishop Hugh Miller Thompson
was recently asked if women were. equally
capable with men in receiving what is called
the higher education, he is credited with the
answer, ''There is no sex in intellect"
Uncle John--"Well, Jimmy, have you en-
joyed yourself to-day?" "Jimmy-"No, |
haven't, I've had a miserable day." Uncle
John-"Miserable day How's that ?" Jimmy
Aunt Betsey told me to eat all the dinner |
wanted, and couldn't"
-"How would you like to have me engage
colored domestic ?" asked Mrs Henpect of
her husband. "Well, my DEAR" answered
MIR. Henpect, with sudden assumption of
judicial independence ofthought, II don't care
what color she is, so long as you don't hire
green one"
-"Lo Where yer goin' ?" "Lo Just
downear to the dressmaker's." "Dressfnisht?"
MN nm Not quite; sgointube lovely."-
"Howshmakinit 2" "Oh l dunno; littleiig-
gers down the front and pleatsinroun the
hotlom-sorter sprangly effect Must Jury.
Good-bye~
II don't see why pennies were invented"
said New York banker, who had received
few in change. ooh, that's easily account
ed fol" remarked a friend from an adjacent
city. pennies were invented in order to
enable New York millionaires to contribute
towards the erection of public monuments"
lldLhp (dI tuc DaCk uOOT)-' w Ill you
please give me something TO eatY' Woman
"Nota thing" Tramp-Nor nuthin' to drink?
Woman-"Nor nuthin' to drink" Tramp
mo cast-of clothes 2" Woman-"None."
Tramp-"Well, would you tell poor, unfor-
Innale man what time it is?"-S. Paul
Globe.
-Bagley-"Don't try to bully me, sir |
won't have it WHO are you, anyhow, to
put on airs around me?"
Blowhard-"I, sir am self-made man,
sir and | want everybody TO know it,"
Bagley-"Everybody does know it, sir, and
everybody considers you very poor work
man"-Cd
"A butcher entered lawyers office and
said "Sir, when dog does any damage is
not his owner responsible ?" "Certanly."-
That being the case, as your dog has just car
rled off magnificent leg of mutton from my
shop, you owe me three dollars" "Nothing
could be more Just, replied the lawyer, land
fortunately, that is exactly the price of the
consultation have just given you. So we
are just even"
-"Wilam, my son" said the old man. as
he walked with him towards the depot, you
have been appointed an Indin agent. Promise
me in the most solemn manner that you will
never take one penny belonging to the
government" II promise, father" Two
years later when he came home and bought
couple ofiarms, and began the erection of
$4,000 house, he remarked: Il have kept
my promise, father, | made all this wealth by
cheating the Indians. - Wal Street Ne1rs.