The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-09-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

Pittsburg Commercial Gazette 100 years
ago. In modern newspaper offices
brains are of more Importance than
skulls.
! Whom Nero died the Roman mob
strangled his orchestra. After all, the
feelings of mankind do not seem to
Change very much as time goes on.-
NeW HdUen NcWS.
Old Fleetwood>Don't you think Miss
Champignon in the matrimonial race is
showing great deal of backbone?
Young Dexter-Ya-as. and she general
ay wins by a neck.-Ranbter.
He-You are holding that umbrella
on the wrong side to protect you from
the sun. She-I know it, but there is
that dreadful Miss Briggs and 1 intend
her to see my new bonnet-DetrOtt
Free Press.
What bad complexion Miss Sloap-
er has" ''Well, she ought to have.
She's all the while doctoring it. Actu-
ally, she puts sulphur on her face"
''Sulphur! What's sulphur good for?"
'tMatches. Life.
Overheard in Boston Store: Clerk
(masculine)-He amt gentleman;
you can see that he amt. No gentle
Imam would dress the way he does
Clerk (feminine)-O, well, perhaps he's
from New York.-LJe.
Caroline-Here Is a long article on
s'Why Women Don't Marry" Sardo-
nicus-H'm. 1 already know. Caro-
aine-What do you think is the reasonP
Sardonicus-Becauset they don't get a
chance to.-Detroit Free Press
II "Is he man of much calibre?" said
a Connecticut avenue girl to Dupont
Circle belle about certain gay and
giddy congressman. 20, yes" was the
confident reply, ''he is the greatest bore
i ever saw. Washington Critic.
We see that farmer declares that he
can grow apples without cores. We are
the more ready to believe this owing to
fhe quantity of fruit in the market that
might safely pass as cores grown with
out apples. Brunsaoick Neaos.
Jones-And you say your mother-in-
law has recently changed for the better,
become quite amiable? Smith-Yes;
she reminds me of ship that has just
come into port. ''lndeed! how SOP"
..She has dropped her rancor. st.
Louis Whip.
.'On our way from Boston a man sold
ns some carbons." 20, fie, Bessie! Car
bons are wicks for 'lectrical lights.
You mean bon-bons." mo, Fred,
don't neither. guess | know! They
were Pullman palace car bons. ."-Phit-
adeiphia Call.
"is your son studying the languages?"
inquired the visitor of Mrs. Bently.
Nhose son George is at college. 20.
yes," Mrs. Bently replied; '.it was only
yesterday that he writ home for money
kO buy Il German student lamp and q
French clock. IN. Y Sun.
81 understand. sir. that you are q
connoisseur in diamonds" ''Yes. sir. "
p.What kind would you select nova
daysp" well, I'd have the iniield clear
of grass, but outside of the bases think
I'D have fine lawn. I've laid out lots
of ball grounds. It'd Bits.
Algernon-Do you know don't be-
eieve there is anything in the theowy
that fish is gweat bwain feed. Augustus
Why, always supposed that was a
gernon-O, ya-as an awful lot Angus
fus-Well, then. guess you're ri ght.
Did chap-Ihe Rambler.
An exchange asks, why do men
seek wives?" Perhaps it is because a
euspender button has lost its grip and
he doesn't know how to repair the dam.
age. When a wifesseeks the man he is
generally in some beer saloon spending
khe money that should support his
Family. -NorristO,om Herald.
Mamma-'.Now, Ellie, am going tc
allow you 10 sit at the table with all the
company; but you must not forget TO be
polite and say. Yes, please and No,
thank you" Ellie with an unlimited
capacity for dinner) -"All right. ma
but / don't think l shall have to say
mo. thank you ''-1he Judge.
"As between dog and dude for 6
summer resort pet. said young lady
as young man left her side, give me
the dog" "Why?" asked her com
panion. The dog never says any
ching" Neither does the dude. doe:
he?'F mo; hut he makes me tired talk
ing SO much. - Washington Critic.
'Ah, Twombley, out again, chi?
You've had quite siege. hear. :
r'Yes-almost at deaths door. Doctor
Problem pulled me through. Bless the
old man! l owe everything to him. ,
.'Yes; I heard him remark yesterday
khat he expected you'd keep on owing
him until the crack of doom. "-PhiLa
sdetphiG Cali.
. A little city maiden, ON visit to he
nncle's farm, saw thrashing-machin'
In operation for the first time. 20
mamman cried she, rushing into thu
house all out of breath, there's some
khing out in Uncle Joe's barn with tw'
horses in it. and they keep going ant
going, and never get anywhere. .''-Har
Per's Bazdr.
Miss Ethel have such lovel,
compliment for you, Clara. Miss CLAIR
Yes? Miss Ethel-Yes; / told Mr.
Featherly last evening that you wer'
jonly tritie over % and very beautiful
and he said that you didn't look it.
suppose, of course. that he meant tina
you didn't look to be %. He's delight
fuL-M T. Sun.
Fashionable lady-"Don't you think
doctor. that my husband ought to sen,
me to some fashionable interchangeable
for my health?" Doctor-'.Why, mad
am, you have phenomenally robus
Physique." Fashionable LADY, knew
fhere was something the matter wit
,me. Where have 10 go to get rid @
iit-Long Branch or Saratoga?"-Iera
Siftings.
Church deacon-"IIave you decides
yet, Mr.. Standish, where you would lk
10 go for your summer vacatiOn?" Pan
son Standish 1T has been a very irE
some year. Mr.. Wrenn. and l hav
thought I'd like to get us far away fror
any field of labor as possible" Churc
idsacon-"That's just the feeling tn
whole congregation has, Mr.. Standish.
-1idbits.
The address of certain young ma
having been declined by young lad
he paid court to her sister. ''HoW muc
you resemble your sister," he said tn
evening of his first call. ''You hav
the same hair, and the same forehead
and the same eyes" "And th
same noes" she added quickly. ii
has stopped calling at the house.
Christian at Work.
1t struck Mr.. Lewis that he coul
make money by photographing til
Delaware County house where MI
Gould was born and selling copies j
Wall street He journeyed down tn
river with his trunk full of the pic
ures But they didn't sell. I'VE don
care continental for Gould's brit