The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1886-04-09
VARIETIES.

He dimes sumptuously who dimes out of
debt.
You can't learn too much, but you can
half learn too much.
| Experience is a trophy composed OF all
the weapons we have been wounded with.
We should do everything we can for
Others, if only to dissipate the thought OF
what they omit to do for us.
An editor, in acknowledging gift of
| peck of onions from a subscriber, says: ut
is such kindness rs this that brings tears to
our eyes"
First lady of color: "Dinah, why doan
you nebber wear white clo'es ?" Second lady
of color white clo'es? D. you think l
wan to look like fly in cream Jug"
"A lady of certain age says that the rea-
son an old maid is generally so devoted to
her cat is that, not having n husband, she
naturally takes to the next most treacherous
| animal.
-"What is the worst thing about riches ?"
| asked a Sunday School teacher. THAT they
take unto themselves wings and fly away"
promptly replied the boy at the foot of the
| class.
-Teacher-"Who discovered America ?"
"Christopher Columbus"
That is right Now, how did he come to
do t?"
"He come by water"
1t is better to Ito without fences al
together than to have them harbor weeds
There is nothing more important in the mi
nor details of farm than keeping the fence
corners clean.
Us there any danger the boa constric-
tor biting me ?" asked lady visitor to the
Geological Garden. mot the least, marm,"
cried the Snowman HE never bites he
swallows his whites whole"
-"Giye us q tIneh said the cOrnet To the
violin. ooh, see through your PLAN" re-
sponded the violin. "You want to get me
into scrape. Play tune yourself" mo
Stree answered the cornet; "I'll be bowed
if l do"
-"Begorra," said an Irishman, as he gaz-
ed over the public square, sure this must be
healthy town" "Why so?" asked by
stander. "Faith, sor, because there isn't
soin OF grave in the cimetery beyant."
You must remember, my dear wife,
that the most patient person that ever lived
was man." Wife Gmpatiently) ooh, don't
talk to me about the patience of Job Think
OF Mrs. Job the patience that poor woman
must have had to put up with such u man ~
Mother" said little Rockland girl,
looking up from her book, "what does trans
Atlantic mean ?" "Oh, across the Atlantic of
course. Don't bother me-you make me
forget my count" docs trans always mean
across ~ 81 suppose it does. If you don't
stop bothering me with your questions you'll
go to bed" Then docs transparent mean a
cross parent? ?" Ten minutes later she was
resting in her little couch.
Now, there's story l don't believe,
said the colonel, as he laid aside an exchange
what story is that, colonel" asked the
erudite and industrious assistant. "Wby,
that paper says Cotopaxi can sometimes be
heard 500 miles" "Don't you believe it ?",
"Of course don't believe it. FL bet there
isn't singer in the world that can be heard
half that far" "But CotopaXi is volcano,
colonel" as it? thought it was one of
those Italian fellows that go about with
Patti"
"A lazy boy makes lazy man, just as n
crooked sapling makes a crooked tree. Who
ever saw boy grow up in idleness that did
not make a shiftless vagabond unless he had
a fortune left him TO keep up appearances
The great mass ofcriminals and paupers have
come to what they are by being brought up
in idleness. Those who constitute the bust
ness part of our community, those who make
our great and useful men, are taught in their
boyhood to be Industrious
Mamma" said little Fifth ward boy
lugubriousy the other day as he laid down
a volume of biographical sketches of the
Presidents, 81 don't believe I'll ever be
President / amt got the chance. wasn't
brung up right" why, child, you have the
same chance that other little boys have"
mo, amt. | wasn't born in log cabin,
nor amt drove team on the canal, nor
had to read the spellin' book by the light of
a pine knot, nor had to split rails, nor moth
in like the rest of the boys who got there. |
tell you, mother, I'm handicapped on this
Presidential business"