Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-05-24
The child who wants to swallow sleeve


The child who wants to swallow sleeve
buttons should be given a couple of cuffs.
Solomon had lots of wisdom, but he
didn't know anything about the convent
ence of hip pockets.
When the poet sang of something that
was ''strong without hands," he proba-
bly, referred to butter.
Eva, noticing flock of noisy, chatter
ing blackbirds, said, Mamma, l guess
they're having sewing 'ciety."
Gentleman, stepping into a drug store:
''Do you correct mistakes here?" Urbane
clerk: eyes, sir; if the patient is still
alive"
You always feel surprised when you
see shooting star, do you not? That is
because you did not know that the sky
was loaded.
Kansas school teacher: ''Where does
our grain go to?" ''Into the hopper"
''What hopper?' ''Grasshopper," shout
ed a scholar.
1t is said that vigorous motion of the
jaws will cure nose bleed. No wonder
the women folks are seldom troubled with
that complaint.
Il see the scoundrel in your face" ex-
claimed the judge to the prisoner. 81
reckon, jedge," was the response, "that
;n,+ -
A man in New York, wishing to be
witty, accosted an old ragman as follows ::
''You take all sorts of trumpery in your
cart, don't you?" eyes, jump in, jump
in!'
Spoodle was saying that when he was
abroad he was presented at court. The
deuce you were! exclaimed FOgg. How
did it happen? How much did they fine
you?
If you want to know whether your
| grandmother was cross-eyed or where
| your great uncle stood in the arithmetic
class, just run for office and you'll know
| it all.
What does boycotting mean? inquired
a teacher of frisky youngster The
| little fellow, remembering an unfortunate
excursion to the pantry, replied; bad
licking.
A Chicago landlord shot one of his
boarders for joking about his butter. His
interference was unnecessary. 1t is said
that the butter was strong enough to
take its own part.
Before Boston goes entirely crazy over
her female BARRIERS she ought to pause a
little between beans and ruminate upon
the trouble Sampson got into by letting a
| woman cut his hair.
There is deaf man in Macon, Georgia,
| who never ceases TO smile. ''Why do
you smile?" somebody asked him. ooh,
because l can't hear all the foolish things
that people say" was the reply.
That every good Christian must sleep
in his armor is proverb as old as true
| goodness, but the man who goes to bed
with his boots on in a strange hotel be-
comes at once an object of grave suspi-
cions.
Roy's grandpa to frankie, aged five
| frankie, Roy's grandpa was little boy
like you once. Frankie-My grandpa
wasn't never little boy, know. Coz 1
was to his house great while ago and he
wasn't then.
An ,Englishman in Madras has, by a
lucky accident, made photograph of a
tiger in the act of seizing his prey 1t
was only partial success, however, as
he didn't have time to tell the beast to
'slook pleasant
| What's your business? asked the Judge
you might call me locksmith. When
did you work last at your trade? Last
night when heard call for the police
| | made a bolt for the door.
| A certain little three-year- old likes very
much to 60 to church, and especially en-
| joys the singing. One day, the choir
sang, hOCk Ol ages, ClclG IOr lie, anu al
ter she got home, the little one was sing
ing, very seriously: Rock the babies,
kept for me.
Little Johnnie's mother told him one
day when he was killing flies that he must
not do it, as they were Gods children.
Some time afterward the boy saw lot of
| flies in an old molasses barrel strue Cling
| for their lives. Look there, mamma, he
cried. / think if God cared anything for
his children He would come along and
| turn that barrel over
| EXCITEMENT IN TEXAS.
! Great excitement has been caused in the vicinity
of Paris, Tex, by the remarkable recovery of Mr..
j. E. Corley who was so helpless he could not turn
in bed, or raise his head everybody said he was
| dying OF Consumption. A trial bottle of DIR. King
| New Discovery was sent him. Finding relief he
| bought large bottle and box of DIR. Kings New
| Life Pills; by the time he had taken two boxes of
1