Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
VANILLA JONES
JOURNEYS THROUGH KENTUCKY, INDIANA
AND PAUSES IN OHIO.
What he Saw on the Tram-AD unmsr'S Attempt
Cd Mash and Why He Went Out And Sat on the
Brake Wheel Por Ralfan Hour-lndlsna,
Kentucky and W. Va. Girls.

DEAR REGIsrER:-I wrote you a letter
last week while in Kentucky, but fell in
with a progressive editor. A man who
wore skylights in the back of his pants,
had a red nose and carried q Waterbury
watch. and edited the paper with the
largest circulation in n. W. Kentucky.
4 paper which he had started lone year
before with but twelve subscribers and
now had over 1000" l interviewed him
Enr about a half hour, and when | left he
owed me 4 half dollar borrowed money.
That man purlOined my letter and traded
it TO a saloon keeper for a quart OF whisky,
representing that it was 4 recipe telling
how 10 make whisky out of rain water
and vinegar. That saloon keeper sent the
letter all over town trying to get it trans
lated, and they finally decided that it was
n bundle OF Chinese wash bills. 1t was
not, however, as We StudiOusly avoid wash
bills of all kind.
~
We are now in Ohio after being lost for
quite a while in Kentucky AID Indiana.
Coming up on the cars the other day, l
think it was that day, but am not positive,
q commercial traveller met with much NOR
~tifcation. 4 handsome young lady enterd
the car and sat down and then tried to
raise the window. The G.. T., with his
usual gallantry, said, Miss, allow Inc the
pleasure of assisting YOU She smiled
assent so g%raciOusly, so charmingly in fact,
that the polite and festive c. I. thought
he would make Il mash. He winked at
his friends across the way and proceeded
to make a mash.
Quite a lovely day Miss She smiled
very sweetly and turned her blue eyes to
his.
'Are you fond of travelling" Heques-
toned. Another lovely smile but not a
murmur. He grew desperate, and his
cellulOid collar began to wilt. His fellow
travellers smiled. My dear Miss, why is
it you seem pleased with my remarks yet
don't answer?' At this juncture she
pulled out a little slate and wrote. | am
deaf and dumb. The drummer went out
the rear of the car, and sat on the brake
wheel for half an hour.
~
Adolphus sat in the same seat with Miss
Clara, and she noticed Il chestnut bell
pinned on his vest. "Adolphus what have
YOU got that little door bell hanging on
you fOr?'
ooh that. that's Il chestnut bell you
knowing it like this you know when
a fellow gets off an old story you know. |
wouldn't wear it only a friend gave it to
me. Every idiot in the country has one
you know
She looked ut him with compassion and
said, $50 ! have noticed" AdOlphuS
looked reluctantly out the car window re-
lapsed in thought.
Adude sat at the window chewing fine cut
tobacco and dreamily watching the chang
ing landscape. lie spit out the window
and the fellow in the back seat having his
head out caught the unexpected in his
eyes. lie jumped up and said VIVA in
thell you mean anyhow
The dude was profuSe in apology. My
dear sir, | beg your pardon 4 thousand
times. II was entirely unintcntiOnal and
merely the result of my indiScretiOn.'
"Why in..hell don't you use your eyes
4 little and then | could Use mine bet
ter"
MY dear sir, you must excuse me, this
is twice | have done this and | hope the
next time | do it the fellow will lick me,
then | am sure | will not repeat it
Next time-lick yOu-damtidOn't do
it myself" and he did. Moral. Don't
make 4 suggestion when 4 man is mad, he
might act upon it.
x
4 young man proposed to 4 Chicago girl
and was accepted and then went to see her
pa. The old gentleman said: "DO yon
think you could support my daughter in II
style fitting to one of her position, and
clothe her properly"
YES sir. -
What is your occupation
II own n tannery."
Very well sf, take her"
~
One of the closest men we ever heard Of
we found down i'm southwest Ohio. lie il