Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-09-13
BRIGHT BITS.

FIRST WAYFARER-Well, but if you're
Dublin man how came you to be born in
Cork?
Second ditto-Sue. it was Just this: was
staying there at the toime.-E1chGn0e,
IN the account Of the spouting artesian
well at Belle Plain. Iowa, 1t IL said that two
rivers have been formed by this phenome n al
water burst" If this affair had occurred
couple of months earlier, there might have
been another item in the river and harbor
bill.-Boston Transcript.
ANXIOUS INQUIRER-You are perfectly
right. There is game called base ball.
There are eleven on side and an umpire.
tt e sides toss u - for the umpire, and some
times further on in the anne toss mp the UNI
pire. The side that wins the umpire gener-
ally gains the game.-DetrOit Free Press.
BINKs twho has lust arrivedl-Who is TAX
ing the social lead here now?
Miss Gaygirl with touch of malice)-I be-
lieve Miss Passee is posing for belle Of the
bt ach.
B.-Why, she was belle here fifteen years
age, when first commenced coming.
Miss G.-That doesn't prevent her being the
b 9lle yetTthe chestnut belleOr
THEY tell good story Of a boy who was
once sent an errand to q distinguished
lawyer of Essex county. Mass. When he re
turned home he said to his mother: "Old
Squire - don't know much"
WHY, what dQyou talk SO for?'' was his
mothers response.
Coz he asked me Where's your hat, boy?'
when it was on my head all the time"
PATI sNT--Ttien YOU think my finger will
have to be anfpntated doctdr9
Surgeon-Yes. it will naveto come of.
Patient-How much will the job cost2
Surgeon-Fifteen dollars
Patent-ls that the best you can do, doc
torp Pm poor man.
SurGeOn-Yes, SIS is the hest 1 can DO for
ono tin~"r. h"t TIL cut two of 'em of for $25.
-Ntto York Times.
OMAHA DAME-And so you belong to Ba-
CONAN club?
New York Dame-Yes, indeed None OF our
Fifth avenue people believe that Shakespeare
wrote those plays; they are too diyinely mas
terful.
COM He. too, was only man."
Yes; but he was a real, live lord. you
kuow."-OmdhG World.
THE fail separation of Lillian Russell and
her husband solomon comes a little earlier
than usual Il Is season, owing, perhaps, to the
cool weather. 1t would be better. on the
| whole, If they had a regular time card for
! these regular spring and fail Cruptions. The
| public is so Overwhelmingly interested in
their domestic eccentricties that anything
| calculated TO furnish accurate Information in
regard to he periods would be received with
| the utmost gratitude ChicGgo Herald.
"THE boat NAV be safe, but is DIR. Jones a
| good vachtman?"
THAT he is. sir. why, do you know, he
| emptied a whole case of Extra Dry last
| night? He's an accomplished yachtman.
! He's Mt to be a Commodore"
"Yes, know about the wine. but YOU will
| pardon me II | en- a little nervous about our
| safety. You say we are safe, and yet DIR.
Jones never comes on deck in stormy weather
to manage the boat himself"
| Yes" rephed the skipper, curtly: ''that'f
| the reason there's no danger, "-PNck.
TERRIBLE WARN1NG.-A man who was
| recently hanged at Fort Smith, Arkansas. for
| murder. was asked by the Judge in the usual
| RI the he bo n
| saw for himself.
"Well. killed him, but Boston capitalists
are to blame for IT. was the reply.
| "How2"
"Ny first step in the downward career came
| about through them. They got stuck on a sll-
| yer mine in Nevada and hired me TO salt il
| md sell it to Baltimore parties. and then
| cheated me out Of my pay. ! expect to hang,
| your Honor. but desire to warn this court
| against having anything TO do with Boston
| folks."- VAL Street Ne1Cs.