Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1886-11-24
NAMES.
Some Examples OF Anything but hp-
propriatencss.

NudI luuny naneS people give to
their children, anyhow. Not the high
sounding or fanciful or romantic names;
they do well enough, although they do
harmonic i'll with red hair and freckles
sometimes. But real good, sensible
names, even family names, L mean.
Now, one Of the boys with whom l went
To school was named Newton, Isaac
Newton. His ideas of heaven and
mathematics were equally well founded.
| shall never forget his amazement
when the teacher assured him that two
and two made four. He stuck out for
seven for a long time, and at length
agreed to leave 1t to the class, and when
We unanimously decided in favor of
TOUR, he said it was the beatin'est thing
ever happened to him. The day he
learned that an apple, loosed from the
tree, would fall down instead OF up. he
sat without speaking word all day,
dumb under the overpowering burden
OF this revelation that fell upon him
Ike the world renowned clap of thun.
der out of clear sky. And one day,
oYerhearing the teacher declare that
the sun was more than twice as large as
the earth he gathered up his books and
sad he couldn't stand any more OF this
nonsense. He never came back to
school. He got place as clerk in
a coal yard, where his immovable faith
in the doctrine that two and two make
seven, and that the attraction of gravg-
tation makes things fall up. so that the
lighter anything weighs the heavier it
IS, paved his way to Il partnership and
great wealth. He kept on knowing
less and less every day. until now he is
most eminently respectable citizen,
who thinks politics are vulgar and
debasing, never votes and is a member
Of the board of education.
Then there was young solomon WISE
man. He stood at the foot of the same
class five years; that was the lowest
class in school. He never got out
Of it. Said the teacher, ''Can fish live
on the land. Wiseuan?" And Solouo
thought minute and said, "Y es'm. "
Then she SAID no, and explained WAY
tdey couldn't, and then asked, Gould
they live in the ARP" and he said,
c5eerfully, "Yes'm." But she said no,
r'ad explained why, and then asked,
!, Bur they could live Il the the water,
fouldn't thsyP" And young Wiseman
said, very confidently, ''NOm'm." She
said they could, and this discouraged
him. He never came 50 near answer
ing a question correctly again. He
stayed in school five years, during which
time he drove two teachers to suicide.
lie is a rich man now and member OF
q local board of civil service reform.
When he left school he got place down
az the gas works, and his unfailing
capacity for making everything mean
exactly what it didn't say led to the
invention of the gas meter, and so he
sped on 10 fortune.
Why, do you know, l could give
dozen instances of these human misnO-
mers. There was Jerry Blackhart, not
Jeremiah, but Jeraooam. He was a
half-breed Indian, son of old Col.
Blackhart, a miserable old thief Of an
Indian trader, who called this boy
Jeraboam to spite the chaplain OF the
post. That boy Just loved his worth
less old father, and he wouldn't have
his name changed for anything, though
everybody shortened it to Jerry. But
he was the whItest boy IN that school.
lie never used word or an expression
that he couldn't have used in Sunday
school. He was the soul of honor, and
was religious clear through. He got
up a noon prayer: meeting in school and
1t led to a revival, and he is mission
ary to-day. working among his brethren
In the far West.
And there was Nick DoOlittle; he
was the busiest boy in school. He read
by freight until he was bald at II,
studied himself into brain fever at Is;
then he became a civil engineer; laid
out railroads faster than the Gould
family could gobble them up, and every
time he gets unusually busy lie DIS
charges two or three clerks because, he
says, they get In his way and retard his
work. Fact is, you can't tell much
about boy by his name, except in the
old time Sunday school BOOKS, where
the good boys are always named John
aud Charles and the bad ones are called
Bob and Bill.