The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1886-07-01

nois, Indiana, Ohio, Michigan, one-half Of
Minnesota, and still leaving in Virginia
one-fourth her territory.
Phrenology Afioat.
THE CIRCUMSTANCES UNDER WHICH THF
ERRORS OF A CHART WAS DISCOVERED.
From the Detroit Free Press.l
can't just now recall his name. but he
was registered at the hotel at Elk Rapids
as from the Chicago Inter Ocean, There
wasn't anything singular in two news.
paper men making to each other-not
when they were both away from home.
liked his looks from the start, and when
he realized it he brought out chart of his
head which Prof. Fowler had given him
According to the chart his leading traits
were:
l. Extreme liberality.
q Utter absence of selfishness.
8. Strong frien dship.
l was glad that the chart confirmed my
own private impressions, and our friend
ship was cemented with the blood of the
revolution, for which the landlord charged
10 cents glass. On the fourth day we went
out together in skiff on the bay to fish.
He insisted on paying for the bait, and in
rowing the boat. and that agreed exactly
with trait No. /. We were a half mile
off shore, and still going ahead, when the
skiff banged against some unforeseen OBJ
ject. the bottom was stove in. and the
next moment she filled to the gunwales.
The oars fioated away as we fioated out,
and we settled down to business with the
wreck floating full of water and he hang
ing to one end and to the other. 1t was
only then that a suspicion crept into my
mind that Fowler hadn It felt of that chap
bumps in dead earnest.
''You did it-you internal idiot-you did
IL" he yelled at me as he got Little Ira
verse Bay out of his mouth.
As Fowler hadn It included Truth in his
leading traits, felt free to deny the alle-
CATION. but he repeated it in vigorous
manner, and added:
''I've got revolver, and if you don't let
go of this boat l III shoot you!''
For why ? says |.
because it won't float both Of us, and
I.m going to save myself at any eost!''
That was his utter absence of selfish
ness as recorded on the chart, and | was
surprised and grieved to think Fowler had
al, IN r.. oClyod for q lift 10
grace. and he replied:
s'Give you just two minutes to say your
prayers. =
l wanted twenty. and he wouldn't even
compromise on six That was more of
his extreme liberality." When | saw
that he was inclined to hurry the funeral
I bounced the boat around and prevented
him from getting at his weapon, which
had stuck fast in his wet pocket. Pretty
soon he tried another lay. Said he:
81 am married man, and have four
children. All you've got is a wife, and
she's half dead at that. Have some rea-
son about you"
I offered to argue the case, each side
being limited to five minutes. and he
charged me with cold-blooded sel6shness.
If the circumstances were only reversed
he'd die for me in minute, but as we
couldn't reverse 'em he had another prop
osition. If I'd let go and die quietly and
decently he would raise at least 500 for my
widow if he was saved, and would give me-
column notice in the Inter Ocean. d :
scribing the details of my heroic act. and
winding up with the paragraph
"Weare certain that the public will not let
his grave remain unhonord by a fitting
tablet''
I wanted to know what sort of IL tablet :,
tablets that I felt like holding out for a
Scotch granite monument. With an angel
on the apex. He got so mad at the delay
that had to bounce the boat again to
keep the pistol in his pocket. When he
had claimed down he appealed to my gen
crosby and manly honor. He had just had
his salary raised. His fatherin-law had
just come to appreciate him for what he
was, the president of a Chicago literary
society, and leading member of debat-
ing club His future was full of the big
gest kind of watermelons, and the whole
world would miss him. hadn' t any sal
airy worth mentioning-no father-in-law at
all-no hopes beyond fourth floor rates.
Wasn't it better to die "a hero than to live
on like a thistle by the roadside asked
him to put his language in the form OF
motion, which he did, and a vote was
taken-it was a stand-oif. His side only
got one vote, and that was halffull OF
water.
never saw a chap so full of motions
and resolutions as he was for three quarters
of an hour, and | never attended caucus
where the opposition was so determined
to vote them all down. He had apparently
exhausted his stock and was hunting for
something new, when he lost his hold on
| the wreck and went down-down-dow
about four feet. where he rested solidly on
sand bar. The water for fifty feet
around us was from two to four feet deep
and it was the end of a sunken spar which
had wrecked us. He came over to me and
| held out his hand, but | waded away from
| him in dignified manner. He said he
was only in fun, and he offered me three
| fish hooks, a jack knife, a ball OF string ane
a big hunk of Petoskey maple sugar to re
sumo friendly and confidential relations
In vain. A fisherman came out and tool
us off the bar, and we never spoke again
A man whose bumps deceive a phrenol
ogist is no fellow to tie to.
The DURATION OF A GENERATIONS
The duration of generation is the aver
age length of life for man. That is
though, of million of human beings Dor
in generation, some will die in infanc
and some will live to an old age, the fame
average life for the entire number will b
about thirty three years. This is arrive
at by averaging the ages of all persons, oil
and young, dying within term of years
Different localities, different periods
will of course alter the result, but th
| ayora0n for the race in civilized cOUntrie