Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1886-09-18
Curious Features of Actual Life

Curious Features Of ctual Life.
GREAT SAGE ON OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES GARD
NER OF THE LIME KILN CLUB TELLS ALL
ABOUT IT.
From the Detroit Free Press.
"Brudder Amibad Cantilever," said Brother
Gardner, 'it am reported dat you am about to
take unto yerself wife. Dat de report am
true your recent ackshuns am proof. You has
been seen pricin' secondhand stoves, squintin'
at TO dollar bedroom sweets, an rustlin' around
arter bric-a-brac: Marriage am muffin you
need be ashamed OF, an L re kOn you kin de-
pend on dis club to warm up de house for you
am leave behind some hard-bottOmed cheers
an a few articles OF unware.
"Brudder Cantiiever, marriage am q lottery or
q dead sure thing-just AS you make IL. II you
git stuck on sight-fall i'll Iuv wild gal for her
warDlin' moui-an marry her ID hand ut
about twelve weeks nous, you needn't be
astonisned If dar am dynamite 'sposhun
ar a good temper doan' allus 60 together. Slim
waists an kitchen economy may not work in
the same harness. DegaI who charms you by
the way she drums de pianner may fatty refuse,
wife, to run dem same fingers ober de
washbo'd. Firstly, don't get married until you
know what you are being jined TO- Study de
gal. Let de feet go an wailcn her temper. Let
de bangs 60 an watch her economy. Nebber
you mind about the way she dimpies her chin,
but AK yerself ii she II make de bed wild de foot
lower dan dc head. You has got to do all de
studyin'. Not one gal out OF q thousand eber
stops to size up luVer. II his Grecian nose or
curly ha'r or droopln' moustache strikes her
fancy she'll nebber stop " study his natur' nor
70 worry ober his habits. She Is rnarryin' dat
nose, or head, or moustache. A month AFTER
marriage, when he hauls her aroun' by ue hair
an siaps her dimpled Jaw she's perfectly
aStOniShed to think she made such q mistake.
".secondiy, Brudder Cantilever. AFTER de Knot
has bin tied, make up yer mind dat de fucher
won't be all plain satin. You are gwtue to be
tried an tested au' trubbled, an You hev got
to call up all yer manhood. You will h'ar de
kasser scrapin de bottom oil de Hour barl when
you heven't got cent In yer pocket. DE wood
pile will run out in Jtnuary, an de sugar an
bacon will seem to be carried OF BY de rata. II
yer wife am eber 50 good natured she will hey
her trials an trtbuiashuns. an dar may be
times when she'll rtz up an claw sur you. In
de Vars gone by my ole woman has rushed
upon me wild de rOllin' pin, an has retorted in
way TO make her ears ache, but all de time
knoWed she was savin an good-hearted an
shlltn' 70 buy her u new set Of false frizxes. II
you am suited 70 each odder an occashuual row
in de family will prove sticktn' piaster 10 hold
you de clusser together. II you amt suited-if
you diskiver dat You hey struck . patc:, o
party disklvers dat she has taken 9 tumble Oh
de monument OF romance an brought no via a
thud in de mudhole OF reality, yoa jist absQuat-
uiate apart. Go quietly am decently anS eft
onhitched by divorce, an let de wisdom xsiued
by experience stan At your right hand when We
make anoder choice. Brudder Cantilever "a y
feeiins an de feeliDs OBJ dis club am wild ye al'
our good wishes, togedder wid at least % wurth
Of tinware kin be counted on whenever Dc latal
occashun arrOves.