Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-02-03
NEWSPAPERS WIT.

Cr7sToMER-Put a little lemon IN
mine New observation-disclosures me, sir,
but we have no little lemons. WIN
half of O. big one do ?-ChicagO News.
A NEW Partisan scented soap Is said
to he excellent for the skin, 'because
made from the fat of the whale"
WHY "because?" Has the whale any
thing wonderful in the way of a COM
plexion ?-Exchange.
YOU'VE man from the country at a
fashionable city hotel: Young man
NV room is in the sixth story. can
not climb away up there. Clerk
Take an elevator. Young man-So,
thank you. I don't drink.
PRICK thinks 'sit is a. sad decree of
fate that sidewalks always freeze with
the slippery side up" And the worst
of it is the side isn't high enough up to
oe of any practical benefit to the pedes-
trian.-Y0nkers Statesman.
"WILL you dance with me, Miss
Ledbitter "Thank you. But [ am
not dancing tonight "Well, I am
unlucky! I've positively asked every
LADY in the room, and can't get a part
ner of any sort or description"
AN Erie Street mother opened the
room occupied by her 12-year-old son
Yesterday morning about 8 O'Clock
and shouted: "Ihave called you three
times, young man." els a jack full
any good?" was the drowsy answer
Cleveland Leader.
"OH! what pretty mink cloak you
have. Mrs. Dumley," said Mrs. Doc
little. "Pm glad you like it, dear
eyes. indeed, [ do. believe I'll get
one to do my marketing and such run
ming about and keep my sealskin for
social visits. Chicago News.
JOHNNY (just after Sunday-schooD-
Say, Jack; what is a sockdolager?
Jack-Why, don't you know? It's
what they sing in church when they
oct ready to 90 home. The minister
GETS ND and says: "Let US now sing
the sockdolager. "-BOstOn Beacon.
''Now I think that was rare piece
of acting" remarked the young man
as he came out OF the opera house.
.Indeedl Now I thought it was par
ticularIy we'll done, replied the young
lady. And then they didn' t speak again
for two Misunderstanding Chronicle.
THE Importance of systematic giving
as a part Of worship was urged by DR..
Parkhurst Yesterday. GA single dol
lar" he said, ''may look large, but
when spread out over year 1T is too
thin to lie down upon and pray THY
kingdom come "-MaH and Express.
"No," said physician. "Dr. B =
is not a partner of mine. We often
consult together and attend to each
others business in case of absence, but
we are in no sense partners. 81 see.
was the reply; she is what you might
call simply an accompllce. Howell
Citizen.
WHEN Gen. Sherman was at Fort
chief for an old field piece that stood
out in the enclosure. Cant haveit."
was the laconic answer. "Why not ?"
''What do you want with it; to kill
soldiers % Soldiers! Ugh, no. Use
M kill cowboys. Kill soldiers with
club"
SAYS theNew York Tribune: ''There
is a girl in Washington who ought to
be sent to Congress to give the states
men points in economy. AS soon as
presents began to reach her on Christ
mas Eve she did them up in nice new
wrapping paper and sent them out
again to her admirers, taking care that
intimate friends should not get each
others gifts.
"WELL, I never knew that before, :"
said Mrs Gummidge, looking over the
edge of her newspaper. whats that,
nv dear?'' asked Mr.. G. ''Why, that
Mr.. Parnell is a bachelor" 'Well,
you might have guessed II. He's IN
favor of home rule Mrs. Gummidge
was silent a long, long time, wonder
ing just what her husband meant.
Meantime Mr.. GummIdge went out
and sat on the back doorstep like a
prudent man. Chicago News.
"PA," said lazy little boy, as the
old man came into the woodshed,
sehaven't sawed enough for to-day !?
I'm getting tired" ''Tired? Why, [
bet your mother ten cents that you
would have the whole pile sawed be-
fore supper" ''You did" shouted the
boy as he grasped the saw and expec-
torated on both hands. "You bet ten
cents on me? If the saw holds out
I'll win the money" Some men are
too mean to have children.-ROches-
ter Union.
FoGG Ito tender young damsel) All
philanthropic work is bound to have
some effect on the world sooner or
later, Miss De Clare. Now, as to the
movement in question, if we don't see
any good resultingfromit,o our children
or our grandchildren will. Miss De
Glare (rising, with g. crimson fush)-I
beg to inform you, Mr.. Fogg, that
neither our children nor our grand
children will. You put it on alto
gether too personal a ground.-Ex-
change.
TIE other day a Chicago boy of 6
years, who had been ''pestering" one
of his little brothers, was sentenced by