The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-07-29

there is moving of briers to do, as well as gath
ering fruit, in the political field:
Local Option was defeated at Newcomers.
| town. There a serious obstacle in the way
of success too many Democrats.
Cincinnatians complain that they have not
| enough policemen. Yes you have. But you
| have too much beer and whisky.
An article from Southern paper is headed
"Why do Our Industries Languish ?" Perhaps
ii is because you don't go to work.
! Boys should not be discouraged-the greatest
men in the Nation doubtless got whippings for
| stealing the same kind of melons.
A man never realizes his OVID Importance
until book agent comes along. "We want
your name to give US start!'
fla man is reticent and backward, just take
him to a baseball feld-and in ten minutes
| he'll be bowling like Comanche.
| They are down two thousand feet, in Column
| bus, boring for natural gas. How much easier
it would be to wait till next winter.
s.<
| The Exposition Commissioners announce that
"the space is about all taken" But they'll find
| AOOAAA iOt } Ou, va WoiAo W eeoSAu'
| "It can a tale unfold" was evidently not
written of seersucker coats. Those of next year
will consist of pair of sleeves and promise,
| Cleveland's Democracy was not the kind that
faced the Boys in Blue in the field-but he slips
| in behind them now and cuts off their supplies.
A farmer in England had the broken leg of a
| favorite COW amputated and wooden leg made.
Eaters of ordinary market steak, believe this
custom has been general.
The Metropolitan Base Ball Club has a catcher
named Reipschlager. He stops 'em all-no
ball would ever bound over such name as
that.
The property of doggery- keepers in different
parts of the State is being attached for nom
payment of the Dow Law tax. Thus the State
cries ''Stop thiefn'
Noah Rush, of Marion, Indiana, sued for
breach of promise, at the age of fffty-fve pre-
ferred Texas to matrimony. Noah is evidently
not in his dotage yet.
1t has been noticed that each batch of black
berries brought in was ''probably the last
they're falling off so, pretty all gone"
But they still kept coming.
When the woman was overcome by the
SPIRIT" they gathered around her, and shouted
"Glory, hallelujah p when the man was over
come by the "spirit," they took him to the Gala
boose. Sucn is the injustice of this old world
-
The Columbus papers announce the arrival
of large buzzard a that place, which cannot
be driven away. Let him alone. He's hunting
the remains of the Democratic party.
80
John Myers, of East Saginaw, Michigan, 7G,
was sent to the Penitentiary for fifteen years.
1t is hoped full serving of his term will be
lesson to him for the rest of his life.
Glenn Bishop a Kentucky preacher aged
seventy, married Retta Boston, girl aged
seven. That's right. Don't the Scripture say
something about little child leading animals?
A meteor fell in Wisconsin, and knocked a
hole plumb through the ground. Fact! So
dispatched to the press They probably haven't
any snakes fish, or Jersey cows, up that way,
so the story turns to meteors.
+.%
Water from bath-tub in which a man was
bathing at Waterford, Wis, ran into a well and
poisoned the whole neighborhood. 1t is not
stated whether he was poet or a crossroads
politician.
A man named Dick Chandler will start from
Massachusetts to sail around the world in a
Dory. He will probably exceed his undertak-
ing-he will probably go out of the world alto
gether.
The man who went through Whirlpool Rap
ids in a barrel wasn't so badly bruised old
man Payne, after his ride through Columbus
in a barrel But he didn't have so many sharks
swapping at the barrel.
-.
"The plowman homeward plods his weary
way'-no, he don't, either. He stops, climbs |
up on a stake-and-rider fence and cusses the
cut-worms, the grasshoppers, and the excessive
rains, until the supper-horn blows.
"I'm just writing" said Mrs. Busybody, s'a |
plan for women to occupy their leisure mo-
ments''-then aside, to little girl-"go into the |
kitchen dear, and tell your pa to hurry up
dinnern'
Henry Ward Beecher has been telling the |
London papers that in American politics men |
are bought and sold like sheep. Why didn't
Henry tell them how some of the American |
shepherds have acted?
The tumble-bug chambers up and perches |
upon his fragrant sphere, and proclaims that |
"alI creatures of any consequence, or influence,
do as do" But some are disloyal enough to
+.-
Gov. Foraker, spea king of the Payne matter, |
says "the Democratic party of Ohio should |
purify ITSELF" If Foraker knows how the |
Democratic party can be purified, he should
hasten to get out letters patent the discovery.
1t can't be done, Joseph.
Gen. Tom Young, trying to get drink in |
Atlanta. said he would not buy because they |
wanted him to take a quart-the Prohibition |
Law being in force. Tom spoiled the whole |
story by naming the amount. No Cincinnati |
man was ever yet scared out by a quart of |
whisky.
A man was standing near the corner; around |
on the other side a coop of spring chickens, |
that were making frantic efforts to crow. The
man was pleased-he seemed ecstatic. "What |
church ?" he inquired. Don't understand |
you,' was the reply. "Oh, l heard the choir
practicing, and thought there must be church
near here"
Berry Galloway, colored man, diei at Gal
lipolis, having years ago sold his body to Doc
tor for dissection. The Bulletin thinks the
weather so hot that the Doctor has bad bar
gain. We're not certain about that. 1t the
Doctor gets at him soon enough, he can chop
him to pieces to see whether he's dead or not,
and charge the county twenty-five dollars
for 1t.