The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-03-18
WIT AND HUNIOR.

TREND TO whom he haQ announced MS
marriage fortnight before meets him.
Are you still married?" "Yes
with the same oneP"-Paris Figaro.
Customer Cooking at silks)-"They
look to me just alike; but you say one is
SO cents, and the other S1.10. Now,
what is the difference?" Clerk GLAND
ly)-''Twelve cents "-BinghoDaton Re
publican.
Society in the Samoan Islands is
growing distressingly conventional. A
law has been established lately forbid
ding Senators to appear naked at any
session under penalty of 500 for each
appearance.
Nurse Co Johnny, who has been
brought in to see his uncle)-''Why
don't you speak. Johnny? Can't you
tell your uncle you re glad to see him?"
Johnny (whimpering)-'1t b,lougs to
him first to tell me I'm a fine fellow,
and big for my size"
A gentleman who came from dis
tance to attend Thursday nights con-
cert, in response to an inquiry as to
.'How did YOU like ite" replied: ''Wen,
1 am not UP in musical matters. / sup
pose it was good, but / like tunes. >
The questioner said, so do l. - O9de9as-
burg Journal
Miss Popular (to Prof Pfeffer. who is
showing her the paper he is to read be-
fore the Scientific Club And you have
to read these long, long papers. and be-
fore an audience How l pity you.
Prof Pfeffer-O, zat is not 20 much ze
pity as TO haf to listen to ze ozzersi-
Earper's Monthly.
In the police court-s'Prisoner, you
have stabbed an unfortunate woman
twenty-seyen times, and only to rob her
of three francs and fifteen sous" Ac-
commodating prisoner Monsieur le
President, | will accept with pleasure
whatever damages you may be pleased
to give me "-Paris Figaro.
Colored servants in Wilmington have
way of referring to each other as
gentleman or 'slady" that is very
amusing at times One of them re-
marked to her mistress the other morn
ing that 1.-THE gentleman who stole the
chickens last night left his hat in the
coop."-CoEasmbla (S. C) Register.
French as she is spoke-The Browns
spent their New-Year's LAY at ..dear
Parry" Brown pere-Garsong, bring
us some lunch Garcon-Oui, m'sieu-
pour quartre? Brown-Cat! No, hang
it all. 1 say -. Garcon-Peutetre.
m'sieu -. Brown-Potater! Well,
yes, potater, if you like, and beef; but,
mind you, no edtt-F'a3any Folks.
at is an outrage the way you treat
me-" said Miss Esnerelda Longcoffin to
Hostetter McGinnis. sHow SO, Miss
Esmerelda?" You have sworn to love
and cherish me, and now you are
making love to another young woman.
1t is a hideous outrage" BE calm,
Esmerelda, be calm. I'm going to go
back on the other girl too y Teras
Siftimgs.
What are you reading. Mamie?''
said Mr.. Clamwhooper TO his daughter,
aged Is. ''Only one of those French
novels, papa" 'sYou should not do
that" 80, I'm not reading it for my
own amusement. It's my painful duty
to examine it. I'm just looking through
it . see if it is proper book to have
lying around where mamma might pick
ii up and read it.''-Ie1as Sittings.
Architecture in Maine-The owner OF
one of the houses saw a little girl taking
observations on the street the other day,
and entered into conversation with her.
go yes," she said, 81 like these houses,
but my papa DON'T ..Well, what fault
has he to lind with them?" HE says
he can't drive through this street be-
cause they frighten his horse Port
land (Me.) Transcript.
NJ and Mime. Prudhomme find their
new rooms ill-heated by the furnace,
and decide to buy stove to keep .:lenl
warm. NJ Prudhomme reflects:
''Stoves are sometimes dangerous. We
must be careful not to run any risk OF
asphyxiating ourselves by coal gas. =
He reflects some more: ''Ah. That's
easily avoided. We will never light
it, He smiles at his cleverness, and
buys it.-Paris Figaro.
Stranger addressing native)-"What
is the matter with that old. gray-headed
man? Is he drunk?o Native-.O, no,
he was never drunk in his life. y
Stranger-..W why does he kick up
his heels that way?" Native--.'He's
happy" Stranger Lottery prizep'
Native-"O, no. His grandfather wrote
an article for magazine and it has just
been published. ''-Arkansaa0 Traueler.
But one thing marred the pleasure OF
the evening, and that was the disgrace
full conduct of the band. The dance
began at $50, and at II they began
complaining, and at stopped in the
middle of Virginia reel, the closing
dance, with the remark that they could
not play all night. The fair name Of
our sister city of Albany viii soon be
disgraced by such set of ungentle-
manly scoundrels if they remain there
american (Ga.) Recorder.
Boarding-House Mistress-"Jane, 90
right down to the market this instant
and order me ten square inches of ele
phant steak Jane-s+Good gracious,
mum, and phWat's got into yez now?''
Boarding House Mistress-"Don't t stand
there asking me foolish questions, Jane
but go right along and do as tell you.
I've just been reading one of Du Chail-
lu's books, and he says that elephant
steak is so permanent that it takes hall
an hour to eat square inch of it,
Sonaerville Journal.
A South Yonkers Sunday-sehool
teacher was trying to explain to her
CLASS what the conscience was, but had
some difficulty in making the scholars
understand. s'What is that small voice
that comes to you after you have re-
tired at night?" she said at length.
80, please, ma'am, l know quickly
said one of the bright little girls.
well, what is it, Dolly?" said the
teacher, proud that her explanation had
been SO quickly eomprehended. ''Cats,
ma ann. ~ Yonkers Statesman.
Max knows a young woman who is
not afraid of her convictions. She lives
in house where Methodism is the pre-
vailing creed. One day the dominic
who has the care of souls in that par
ticular family came to make pastoral
visit. After conversing with the elder
members of the family ON their spiritual
welfare, he turned TO the young woman
an question and said, with all unctuous-
ness: 'And you, my dear daughter,
are you a child of God?" mo, Doc
-tor," said the young woman, Pm an
-Episcopalian.' .''-Bm6alo E1press.
A goldfish is the only Annymal that
amt got no neck. There amt but one
kind of fish in the World that lives on
the land and Flys round in the air, and
that is fish-hawk. A Goldfish has a
H.