The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1885-1888, 1886-04-08
GENERAL AND CRITICULAR.

Among the ingredients Of artificial but
ter are sugar OF lead, glycerine sulphuric
acid, caustlc potash, castor oil, chlorate OF
potash, pigs stomach, chalk, borax, tallow
and lard, while some of the constituent ele-
ments of the natural kind are hair, old age,
flnger-nails, candle drippings, cracklings,
rock salt, COW hoofs, dish rags, cotton
strings, soap grease and so forth. You pays
your money and you take your choice.
"Daniel,' remarked the President to Co.
lionel Lamont yester morn, over a mint
julep OF state, shave there not been cleo
tions in Indiana and Ohio recently2"
ayes, sire.n
"And was our administration sustained,
Daniel?"
"Yes, sire; the Republicans carried
everything"
Boston visitor, with two friends,
dropped 10-cent piece into the box on a g.
cent Avenue car, and then wanted to lick
the car-driver because he wouldn't give
him cent in change..It is cold, hard fact
like this that takes all the romance out of
bean.
Seven Congressman were listened to by
seven auditors at the evening session last
night while they discussed silver coinage.
OF course each NJ. G. paid his own auditors
car fare.
II Senator Hawley will put chip on his
shoulder and stand forth, we are under the
impression that sufficient influence could be
brought to bear upon Senator Van Wyck to
induce him 10 knock 1t of.
II the United States and China don't get
into scrap with bare knucklcs before they
are done with each other, it will only be be-
cause the police will interfere and stop the
performance.
The hypocrite parts his honesty in the
middle.
Scene in the mountain Businesses OF
| Arizona, Geronimo, addressing one lame
warrior, two mules, squaw and a
papoose ....... ..
"My noble followers, listen to your chief.
hold in my hand a telegram, received a
halt hour ago, to the effect that the pale
face council In the city of the Great Father
yesterday voted down by an amply sufil-
cient majority my military contemporary
bill to increase the United States army.
This, my friends and fellow citi-
zens, is serious blow to your
and to my plans for the summer.
We must now retrench and reform, and use
economy and judgment In our chief indus.
try Of taking scalps We must limit our.
selves, gentlemen, or our resources will
soon be exhausted. / had hoped that the
army would be increased and our oppor
tunitics improved, but there is to be no in.
crease, and we must enact some game law
legislation, In order that the few remaining
sealps on the frontier may be SO distributed
and apportioned that business depression
and bankruptcy will not overcome us like
summer cloud The forces now before us
by proper manipulation, may be made tC
keep up the supply Of scalps until the cold
weather sets In, but great discretion mus
be exercised, and your chief exhorts you tc
discretion. Be 1t therefore resolved, thai
on and after this date we do 60 very slow
on hair raising, and all in favor say 'aye;
opposed, no. The ayes seem to have 1t. TIL,
ayes have It, The meeting will now adjourn
at the call of Geronimo, who In the mean
time will drop a line to the Great Fathe
for nice summer brand Of fire water and
few shooting irons"
When it gets so In Washington that
man can neither vote nor shave here, tn
authorities had better hire a Mother Hub
bard apiece and pettlcoat and give tn
L to,,,in i1, iha lndIna for a not