Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-02-22
HUMOR OF THE GOOSE.


Somehow or another, people, to
speak generally, laugh at the goose.
Their demeanor under provocation,
or in circumstances of alarm, is ex-
ceptionally ludicrous, and suggestive,
it must be confessed, of an orlginall-
ty that verges on eccentricity, and
might even be called senseless. The
noises they make are very comical,
and the gestures a mixture of lofty
pride and undignifed anxiety, most
delightfully."- absurd. Men have died
of laughing at spectacles not half so
funny-as, for instance, that disas-
trous cachination of the venerable
Greek on seeing donkey eat figs off
plate. An English marquis narrow
ly escaped with life from an immod-
crate fit of laughter, when a friend
filliped crumbs of head into the face
of blind fiddler. The humor of
goose, however, is of a far finer kind,
for 1t is in the vain struggle of the
creature to combine impurtable digni-
ty with precipitate alarm to cover it's
retreat by the assumption of pompous
airs that the fun of the bird lies. The
Old Guard dies, but never surrenders
but on this occasion only runs
away. 1t knows it cannot move fast,
for it is too fat; yet it pretends it
could If it chose, but despises rapidi-
tv, and scorns to do more than to
waddle away moderately. All this.
give 1t an appearance of foolishness,
which popular fancy has made much
of, and "the grave, unwieldy inmates
of the village pond" have passed into
a proverb of Stiffness. Yet those
who have studied the bird give it q
far different character. In wild
state it is of very exceptional intelli-
gence, and when domestlcated is still
remarkable for singular vigilance
and shrewd regard for its personal
safety that are not to be easily
matched.
EDISON'S LATEST WONDER.
Thomas A. Edison, the inventor.
has resumed work on the phonograph
and is now engaged in perfecting it
so that he can bring it into every
day use, as is the telephone. Mr..
Edison has not given the phono-
graph any attention since 1868, when
he wholly gave himself up to making
his electric-light invention successful.
He is now building a phonograph
with five-foot wheel, to be driven
by steam. The sound will be trans
ferred from the phonograph to a
wheel 40 times its diameter, the
sound being thus amplified 40 times
louder than the human voice. 1t will
have funnel 80 feet long. If plac-
ed On top of building, Mr.. Edison
claims that a person standing two
blocks away will be able TO hear it
talk plainly. He has also got SO far
as to make the machine say "Ah!'
distinctly by means of many wave
lines.
Mr.. Edison said on Saturday:
"After get,,this machine perfect [
will construct monographs for office
use to take the place of stenograph-
ers and type-writers. All you will
have to do will be to hand it to the
office boy, who. by touching spring
can make it repeat or talk back all
that you have said to it and tran
scribe at will. Then, again, you can
have one at home, and when Il
thought strikes you all that is neces-
sary is to talk it at the machine, and
you have it boxed up for next day.
I have no doubt but that it will be
great success"
Have ever been to Yurrup!"
exclaimed the middle-aged and bald
headed passenger ''should say L
had. Half dozen times. Like it?
Rather 'Talnt so much Yurrup |
care for as the ocean voyages. How
/ do love those ocean trips, though y
"Don't get seasick?'' "Seasick? l
should say did. Why, | just lie in
my berth five days ont of eight and
hope the Internal ship will sink in
ten miles Of water There seems to
be whole slaughter house inside of
me. | feel like sick egg. But l
enjoy it all the same, you bet. y
enjoy voyage under such circum-
stances? How do you make that
out?" "Well, you see, my wife
she's along with me. She gets sick
too-sicker'n l do. In fact, she
gets so awful sick that she can't talk
till after we've anchored on the
other side, and if | were to try for a
week couldn't tell you what blessed
days of relief they are to me"
Spa" said Bobby, who had been
allowed to sit up little while after
supper with the distinct understand
ing that he was to ask no foolish
questions. PA, can God do every
thing?"