The true northerner., 1886-05-06
HUMOR.

THE MerSey ls useu Ior "hter sup
ply, and the takers complain OF the
water The quality of Mersey is not
strained. d.-Loi0eU Courier.
IT seems strange that we never meet
the man who has drawn lottery prize;
but we frequently hear of the man who
came within one or two numbers OF 1T.
Puck.
WORTH, the dress-maker. may not be
long remembered after his death, but
it can't be denied that few men have
made more hustle in life.-Boston
Courier.
IT is stated that the King of Greece
is tired of politics. The statement
seems Incredible, as the King never was
in Washington during session of Con-
gress. California Maverick.
"THE chain of evidence is against
you," said the prosecuting attorney to
the prisoner, as the detective handed up
the redeemed watch with the dangling
guard. San Francisco Maverick.
AT the antiquary's: Collector of
Curios-"Have you any genuine Roman
falchions? Dealer (off his guard)-
II am sorry, but they're all being rusted
and won't be ready until next week.
ARCHITECTURE is called "frozen
music" but some buildings look as if
the orchestra had been struck with a
heavy frost when they were tuning their
instruments. - Boston Commercial
Bulletin.
An English paper reports that during
recent explorations at Nineveh petri-
fed umbrella was found in one of the
temples. Near by was the petrified man
who was just about to make off with it.
Philadelphia Call.
AN eccentric street wanderer in
Cleveland seems to have a mania for
accommodating old boots, and already
has the loft of his shanty full of them.
As he is too deaf to be annoyed by cats,
it is surmised that he contemplates
starting a brewery. Chicago Ledger.
FIRST ACTOR -"Hullo, old fellow,
back again? 1 thought you went West
to star" Second Actor-"I did; but
their spelling is SO deuced bad out
there, you know" L. A.-"Spelling
bad What's that got to do with it?"
S. A.-"Well, / could stand most any
thing; but 1 found they spelled star
with a u-e, so / came back. "-Rdmbler.
ON DRUGGIST.
His virtues are worthy cf mention
Whose body lies htre neath the sod;
'Tis said 70 his keen apprehension
A wink was as good as n nod
All his prescriptions from errois were free,
And one Of societys pillars was he.
-BOStOn Courier
THE NEW MAUD MULLER.
Maud Muller had n father gay
He was n poet, by the way;
He sang his songs from morn till night
About the beauties of the right
But when his daughter wanted hash
She could not 90 to him for cash.
And So within one blooming year
Sh9 called two husbands, darling, dear!
-BOson Budget.
THEY were at concert in Chicago,
and Beethoven's Fifth Symphony had
just been played. at is beautiful"
said she, "but adore the entire nine"
Eyes" replied her George, "they are
the best in the world" $50 striking"
she added. "Can't be beat on striking"
he echoed. $50 catching" she sighed.
Their catching was what did the bust
ness" said George, enthusiastically.
Their fielding is down to a fine point"
"Why, what on earth are you talking
about, George-the Beethoven SYM
phonies?" Not muchl I'm talking
of our champion nine, the best ball
tossers on the earth !"-MaISicdL Her
aid.
THERE is debating society at the
Harvard Annex where grave questions
of sociology and ethics are discussed
by the young women. The historian
heard two of them talking very ear
L. tIe ~ oh kHn.
meeting, and he asked one of them:
"What subject do you debate next
timer" "We are thinking of discuss
ing the seculariZation of Sunday" she
replied. "Ahl And are you against
it?" mo, indeed Or, wait t--yes 1
am, too. O, dltcays forget which way
it meansl" If you had heard that dread
fully mixed-up reply of the young So
ciologist, while her cheeks grew as red
as fire, you would have thought it deli
cious. Boston Record.
The representative of one of the
great so-called religious papers of the
country called at one of our large Con-
necticut factories and offered as per-
sonal favor to write up the whole con-
cern in big shape for 1000. The offer
was declined in the same noble spirit
of self-sacrifce with which it was made.
Then it was renewed at $500 under re-
quest of secrecy if accepted). This
was declined, too; and the religious
representative knocked himself down
step by step until, while his first de-
mand was for 81 900, his last offer was
to do 1T for nothing if they would take
fifty copies of the paper containing the
proposed article! And they wouldn't
accept that; they didn't so much object
to being written up, but they didn't
know what to do, they said, with the
fifty papers.-HarJord Courant.
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Tho Waifar Eavo Hin. luov