The Washington critic., 1886-10-02
GENERAL AVp ouIr,uuL,H.

6tNERNL AND CWITlCUI tNs
"Daniel," remarked the President this
morning, as he gaz ID in nm abstractei man-
ncr at a newspaper spreai before him and
chewCd on the stump of an expiring cigar
"Ycs. sire" responded Daniel inclinIng
his head gracefully.
ADO you know Dave llillg or New York,
| mean"
"Well rather, SIRE" said Daniel, some.
what irreverently.
"Now that the season OF county fairs Is
over, his address is once more Albany,
isn't It, DanielY"
81 presume so, sire"
"Very good, Daniel. wish you would
20 and get a bottle OF hair rcstorer aud send
1t TO him.
"For why, sire2" questioned Daniel, in
amazcmcnt.
"Bccause, Daniel, "and the Presidents face
hardened and his Jaws came together like
q steam wise, "becausc want to snatch him
bald headed in lSSS, and / am reminded by
a short item in this paper that he is already
that way. If we would have our revenge
complete, Daniel, we must omit no precau-
tion, neglect no opportunity. Go get tbs
hair rcstoror Away" and the arm OF the
Chief Executive pointed toward the door,
like the old Third Reader picture of Ma
poleon crossing the Alps, and Daniel
FASTENED to the Surgeon-G Generals office
for prescription.
81 presume you were on the gui circ uu.
I'll your husband came home the other
night, said Sixteenth. street lady to Mrs.
RonGwtrd, whose husband had been unac.
couutOb'y absent until a late hour.
"No w0sS't was on the soft In the
rarlor and Just set there and set there,
waiting for lin II It took a month";" and
the good lady's face shown with a composite
light OF allowable suspicion and wifely So
licitude.
Chicago city editor offers reward for
reporter who cannot discover "death-
like etillncss" In courtroom when q
prisoner is sentenced.
Johnnie llarduut gets about as many
wbiplings every day us there are school
hours, aud yesterday the teacher caught
him at his tricks as usual.
"You naughty boy" she said, "ir you
DO that again I'll whip you"
"Chcstnut,n he replied impudently.
"IIickory is better, | think" she re-
marked quietly, aud gave him about half
cord across the back.
Owing TO nervous shock, William Fisher,
New Jersey watcbman, has not slept for
six years. Williams colaborers throughout
the country are doing their best to make up
the discrepancy.
al have some doubts about the young
mans stability" said the minister to Mrs.
Funnybone respecting one Of her daughters
admirers.
"Have your Well II you only knew how
be hangs on every time he comes, till the
roosters crow, you wouldn't doubt his stay
bility any longer" And the minister turned
sadly away.
COLONEL ENDIcoTT RETURN.
Hang out the War Departments flags!
Brace up the horsemen and their nags!
Turn out the men who fight on foot!
| Let everybody bang and shoot
| The Massachusetts warriors come
| Back from his peaceful summer bum.
| Let every nation Of the earth
| Restrain its erstwhile festive mirth,
| For 10, this warlike son Of Mars
| Is not afraid of Powers or Cars!
| a throne is but an Office CHAIR
a crowns hat for week day wear,
And blood and death are to him but
The natural way to end cut!
ln him the people calmly trust,
| Though cannons roar and muskets bust,
And as we walk the streets to day,
Secure, serene, we proudly say,
| "The Massachusetts warriors come
Back from his peaceful summer bum.n