davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-10-07
PlIH AND POINT.

. "A thrifty housewife thinks that men,
ought to be useful They might as well
be smoking hams as cigars
We are thinking seriously of es-
iablishing poets corner. 1t will be
connected by trap-door with the base
ment- Burtinqto,a Free Press.
Wealth is an enemy to selt-reli-
ance. As soon as man is able to own
y canoe he wants some one TO paddle it
for him.-N. O. Picayane.
An exchange says that ice two inch
es thick will support man. In mid
summer it supports the ice man and his
antire family. - Chicago Ledger.
Patient What do think of warm
er climate for me, doctor? Doctor
Great Scott! man, isn't that just what /
am trying to save you from?-M +.
San.
New York depends largely upon
Boston for amusement" observes the
Boston Record. Well, who don't? It
is enough to make any one laugh.
NcU Haren NesUs.
-Simkins and his young wife had
just completed their first quarrel. 81
wish was dead, she sobbed. 81 wish
was, too" he blubbered. s.Then I
don't wish I was, and the war con-
tinued. IN. Y. Telegram.
A New Jersey girl has eloped vita
an Indian. The manner in which our
Government permits the Indians to be
imposed upon by the white race is
shameful. No,vistoaon Herald.
A woman sold her wash-tub to a
party of rifle men for target. They
paid her $3.50 for it, and after they had
gone home she went out into the field
and brought it back as good as it ever
was.-Chicd0o 4dUance.
Clergyman (overtaking two men,
bers of his congregation on their way to
church) Won't you and your friend
get in and drive with me to church,
Miss Blanche? Miss Blanche (innocent-
ly)-O, no, 1 thank you; we only 60 for
the walk.-LJe.
1t is stated that large quantities OF
eggs are shipped from Germany to the
Land of the Free. HIM, that explains
it. We had eggs at our clearinghouse
last week and we thought we could de-
tect traces of german nation in them
Burdette.
Visitor Ito dime museum freak)-
What is your speciality, my friendf
Freak-rm the man who really knows
more than he thinks he does. Want 8
photograph Quarter of o dollar, sir.
Visitor-Yes; give me half a dozen. To
wear one out in a week lookin' at it.
Indianapolis Journal.
-"My DEAR" said Chicago wife te
her husband after they had returned
from the wedding tour and settled down
to housekeeping, sin looking over this
box of books found your fathers old
family Bible, and here is an entry under
the head of Births which says: ALBERT
W., born May 8, 1840.' Didn't you tell
me you were thirty-seven years oldp"
"Ah," replied Albert pleasantly, "that's
copy of the old version. It's full of
mistakes. In my office down town /
have family Bible of the new revision.
I'll bring it home this evening. CHI
cdQo Tribune.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-10-07

any particular plans except to remain
old-fashioned. it is now big rambling
white mass of buildings in the T,idst of
maple-trees, with so many stairs and
passages on different levels, and so
many hooks and corners. that the
stranger is always getting lest in it
turning up in the luxurious smoking
room when he wants to dine, and open
ing door that lets him out into the
park when he is trying to go to bed.
But there are few hotels In the country
where the guests are SO well taken care
Of
Of course the raison d etre of being
here is the sulphur spring. There is no
doubt of its efficacy. l suppose it is as
unpleasant as any in the country.
Everybody smells it. and a great many
drink 1t. The artist said that after using
it a week the blind walk, the lame see
and the dumb swear. 1t renews youth,
and although the analyzer does not say
that it is '.love philter.'' the statistics
kept by the colored autocrat who ladies
out the fluid show that there are made
as many engagements at Richfield as at
any other summer far in the country.
Charles Dudley Warner, IN Harper's
Magazine.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-10-07
Their Blessed Honeymoon.

The colored female cook of a family
living at the South End came upstairs
the other afternoon, and, twisting up
the corners of her apron with consider
able embarrassment, said to her mis-
treSS:
.'You see, missus, / thought il
mought be bes' to be tellin' you dat L
dat done got married las week.
.'Ah, indeed! and what is your name
now, Hannah"
.Mis' Williams, ma'am. You see.
my husban', he am cook, too. He
am what dey calls shelf in hotel."
"a chef, ehp That's very nice.
And do you expect to leave us direct
Typ"
mot d'reckly, mum. I'll stay wild
We for de present. You see, my hus-
BAN, he's done gone to New York an
Washin'ton on his honeymoon. an it'll
be nigh onto six weeks befo' he comes
k!'-Boston Record
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-10-07
HIS SON WILLIAM.

A Bucolic Youth Who Don't Know Enough
to Chew Peach-Stones.
| Bright and early Monday morning a
farmer-looking man entered a Detroit
establishment where steam-radiators are
kept on sale, and after squirting around
a few minutes and asking for 1.-THE boss, )"
he queried:
s'Was my son William in here day
or two ago?"
HE might have been," was the re-
ply"
..Tall feller-a little stoop-shouldered,
himP"
| II think he was"
| 81 knew he was. He came in town to
look for coal-stove, and some one
asked him why he didn't buy a radiator.
He came home all upset about 'em, and
nothing would do but / must come in
and see 'em. This is a radiator, is it?"
| 1t is"
Heat goes around in all them pipes,
I take itp"
| Eyes, sir, the circulation is perfect"
civilian said he could git one all
painted up and marble slab on top for
'leven dollars.
Eyes, I'll sell you one for that. Don't
you want but one?"
ooh, guess one'll heat the sitting
room all right
"You are not going to put in boiler
and pipes for just one radiator, are
your
..What biler and pipesp"
"The boss had confidential chat
with him for about three minutes, at the
end of which the farmer Remarked
81 thought it odd that William
couldn't remember where you put the
coal in, or whether it was fixed to burn
wood, too. Say, mister!"
Eyes sir"
| 81 said sunthin' about William hav-
ing chain-lightning look. I want to
take it back. He don't know huff to
chaw peach-stones and I'll make him
cut corn all night to pay fur thisl" =
| Det2ou free P7.ess
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-10-07
Buying Stock in the Fall.

There is time when the farmers may
avail themselves of opportunities in pur-
chasing that should not be allowed to
pass by. As the fall is the beginning of
winter, it is time when there is sur
plus, and many breeders are DESTROYS OF
selling. If they can not sell, and are
compelled to carry their stock over the
winter, they viii add such cost to the
price and an additi onal sum as well. for,
having gotten over the difficulty, they
will not then be as anxious to sell.
Every day large cattle sales are adver-
tised to take place, and the prices OBJ
tanned are often very low compared with
the quality of the stock, which places
the animals within the reach of all
Hence, fall is the time to buy, and
farmers should not allow the opportuni-
ty to pass without SO doing.-Farm,
Field and St0clt7,1aa.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-10-07
SPOILED HORSES.
How They May Be Cured of Some of tl1e
Principal Vices.

How They May Be Cured of Some Of tina
Principal Vices.
When we have succeeded in inspiring
the horse with entire confidence in him.
self and in his master also, there is but
little likelihood, unless he is a very nerv-
Gus or a very perverse horse, that he
will become troublesome through any
vicious act, or want of honesty. Chalk
ing" that one vice that pretty nearly
takes all the value out of some horses.
is undoubtedly always, or very nearly
always, chargeable to indiscreet man.
agement on the part of those who have
had the breaklng-traini after
management at work Thus, if horse
is overloaded while yet young, stops to
rest without being told to do SO, and
finding the rest agreeable, and the start
ing-being ary-disa9reeable, it is
not to be wondered at that he forms the
habit of stopping, and thenceforward
becomes "baiker" If, when this first
inclination to stop and hesitate is OBJ
served the temptation be taken away by
getting on an easier piece of road. light
ening the load or giving the horse rest.
and feed if needed, afterward avoiding q
similar occasion for stopping, the danger
of having confirmed balky horse may
be averted. But when. under these Cir
cumstances, the horse is hit with the
whip, and sharply reprimanded. then
look out for retaliatory effort The
horse assumes that you are his enemy,
and from that moment he places himself
in an antagonistic position, looking
upon his master as an enemy.
The question is often asked whether q
confirmed baker can be cured. This
admits of double answer-yes and no.
If the horse is in good hands, managed
by some person who has firmness and
Judgment, he can sometimes be cured
by driving stake and hitching him at
the spot where he stops, until he is glad
to move along to where his rations are.
Horses have been cured by, as the say
ing is. ''taking them at their word, :"
and if they want to back, then keep
them backing, giving the animal to
understand that that is just what you
want him to do. You can, in half an
hour to an hour convince HIM that
backing is very much harder motion
then going forward. -Natsona! Lice
Stock Journal
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-10-07
Adding the Extra Tea.

Major tombstone is very particular
about the spelling of his name. He is a
very proud man on general principles.
Nothing exasperates him more than to
be mixed up geographically or other
wise with the common herd OF john
sons without I. He was about leav-
ing hotel in Dallas. He had asked for
his bill, and when it was handed him by
the clerk he scowled fiercely.
lis there any mistake in the billP'
asked the clerk.
'.There is, sir; you have spelled my
name without the L. !"
.Ah, / sca,'' replied the clerk, '.you
should be charged with an extra tea.
Fifty cents more if you please. "--Teras
Sittings.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-10-07
Bismarck's Favorite Dog.

There was rare row at the Royal
Veterinary School in Berlin the other
day. Prince Bismarck's favorite mas
tiff, Tyras, was sent there for treatment
on the day of his masters departure
from Kissingen, and one morning he
was mysteriously missing. The whole
police force of the city were at once set
to work to recover the dog. who, how
ever, was not captured till late at night
The people with whom the animal was
intrusted are wondering what Prince
Bismarck would have said or done to
them If his pet and companion had been
lost-London Truth.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-10-07
A lady who has travelled extensivel

through the South says that colored
servants are among the best in the
world, only one must understand their
peculiarities. They are pre-eminently
unambitious. When Matilda has served
excellently in the winter she may sud-
denly refuse to continue in her situation
upon the approach of warm weather.
..How do you get along?' is asked her,
when she seems happy with no visible
folks gibs me lots of things" and moth.
ing will induce her to resume service
until cool weather. boston Herald.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-10-07
| be best for you to stay there. but T

be best for you to stay there, but
think you'll miss it. !"
81 hope not, sir" said John Earling,
opening the door to go. Joel turned a
little in his chair and said, without
looking directly at the youth: s. Well,
we don't seem to jibe very well on
some points, but don't let that stand in
the way of your coming up to see US
when you cam
Thank yeu," said John Earring, 81
certainly shall not forget that duty"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-10-07

A tree called the Pinuy Torrcyana
grows nowhere else in the world but
in San Diego County, Cal. Chicago
Times.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-06-15
LOCAL AND GENERAL.

Val Blatz Milwaukee lager beer takes the
lead.
..NagIee," finest old California brandy
can be had of W. ;. Luce.
The p. NJ. ;. Rio de Janeiro is nearly due
from Yokohama, en- -oute to San Fran
cisco.
/yLouis Antoine won four-mile skating
race at the Yosemite Rink on Saturday
night.
The book Of the season. The HoNoLULE
ALNASAc AND DIRECTORY FOR 1885. Price,
80 cents.
The annual meeting OF the Woman's
Board OF Missions Will be held this evening
at : 80 o'clock.
The Royal Hawaiian Band gave one OF
it, popular moonlight concerts last even
ing at Emma Square.
Five Iepers. two wahines, two Cinnamon
and one white man, were sent to kalawao,
Molokai, yesterday afternoon.
Something new-red and blue striped
crinkled putting, suitable for yokes and
sleeves, at Sachs, 1O4 Fort street.
ladies shetland wool shawls in light
blue. pink, white and cardinal at the Popu-
I lar Millinery House, 1O4 Fort street
The business OF the Fashion Stables will
hereafter be carried on by Messrs. Sullivan
and Buckley, Mr. J. f. Bowler retiring.
Mr.. w. ). Hanks has resumed his posi-
ton as manager of Wells. Fargo & Coz
agency in Messrs. Geo. w. Macfarlane's
Office.
Oriental lace net, pure silk all over
Spanish lace, in white, cream and ecru,
with lace edgings to match at y. 5. Sachs,
1O1 Fort street.
On Tuesday, the 22d, special meeting
of the stockholders of the Interisland
Steam Navigation Company will be held at
10 o'clock a. m. at the office.
The mail for the Zealandia closes at the
Post Office at 10 O'Clock this morning. See
that your letters are properly addressed
and stamped. and dropped into the office
before that hour.
No book ever published contains so much
reliable and valuable information regard
ing the Hawaiian Islands in such small
compass as the Honolulu ALMANAC AND
DIRECTORY. 1886. Price. 80 cents.
Yesterday afternoon about o'clock a
horse. with part of a buggy attached to
him, came tearing down Nuuanu Valley.
The runaway was stopped just above the
first bridge 1t was not learned who the
animal belonged to.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-06-15
T111 Prize Boy for Bad Luck


>
Mrs. Mulvey, residing near Locust Sum
NIT has boy, aged about twelve years,
who answers to the cognomen of Patsey.
He is the sorrow of her heart. Two weeks
ago yesterday he was struck by a baseball
bat on the nose and that useful member
now resembles a Mexican saddle. While
he was getting over it he shot himself in
the foot while mOnkeying with his fathers
gun. They put Patsey in his little bed and
started to mine the shot out of his foot. On
last Thursday Mrs. Mulvey was tired of
nursing and watching the kid and went to
bed, leaving her false teeth on the bureau.
Patsey couldn't esist the temptation to try
and adapt the artificial grinders to his
mouth, which, by the way, is capable Of
receiving a baseball. But the grinders
wouldn't adapt, or rather Patsey got their
stern end in first and Mrs. Mulvey
was awakened from her slumbers by
half suffocated yells from her offspring.
1t took the efforts of a doctor to bring the
bad boy around. On Saturday he scalded
himself by splitting over kettle of boiling
water that stood on the kitchen stove.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-06-15
THE CARS DECREE.
a WarIike Appeal to the Russian
Navy.

An Imperial decree has been issued to
commanders, other officers and sailors
of the Russian fleet on the Black Sea.
The decree says at is thirty years since
the fleet, by its heroic deeds, sacrificed
itself for Russia 5 welfare, the brave fell
lows transferring themselves in spirit to
the memorable heights of SebastOpOl.
The fleet is now being reconstructed, to
the Joy of the fatherland, which has long
mourned its loss. NV will and thoughts
are directed toward a peaceful develop
ment of the nations welfare, but circum-
stances may render the fulfllment OF
my wishes difficult and force me to an
armed defense in order to preserve
the dignity of the empire. If such occa-
sion should arise [ know that you
will aid me with the devotion and con-
stancy which your ancestors displayed,
in response to my grandfather's appeal
a devotion and constancy which aston
ished their contemporaries and all who
witnessed their gallant exploits. To you
l confide the defense, honor and safety OF
Russia"
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-06-15
FOOLISH MEN.
How Love Gets Away With the Best and
Smartest of Us.
IN Y MirrOr1

How Love Gets Away With the Best and
Smartest of Us.
IN. Y Mirror.l
A good while ago one of the cleverest
men in America paid lady of my ac-
quaintance a deal of attention, and she
was delighted at the outlook. She had
grown tired of the ordinary routine of love-
making, and thought the Introduction of
the new element of brains might make this
affair more tolerable than its predecessors.
There were several charming evenings in
mixed company, when very tender things
were said in very bright fashion, and the
lady began to think there was good deal
of fun in a Irritation after all. The dear
man got on well, but before fate granted
him the opportunity of a tete-a-tete
with his flame it called him to
neighboring city, and in mad hour he
wrote, and he began his letter in this
style: "DOes my pretty one ever think of
her absent sugar-plum?" That settled the
whole business. That nice plum might
have gone on and distanced Ingersoll and
Evarts for wit and wisdom. She never read
one sentence more of that long letter. She
gazed transfixed at that first greeting, and
she laid the closely written sheets on a
blazing CRATE, and when that man who had
so good a chance arrived in town and
called promptly, the servant told him her
mistress had left word for Mr.. s. Plum that
she wouldn't be at home before the early
part of 1887.
But my name is lot Plum" said the
bounced.
That's what you're called here" re-
turn the bouncer. you're the man."
So they never speak as they pass by"
and the lady will never forget that sem
tence: docs my pretty one ever think Of
her absent sugar plum"
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-06-15

to its credit; but the Legislature is not
doing its duty to the country by dele
eating its own work 10 select commit
tees. What may conveniently be done
by the House in open session should not
be referred to any hole-and-corner pro
cess Of secret investigation And the
estimates are, OF all things, what
the taxpayers desire the fullest informa-
ton upon; but if Messrs. Dole,
Thurston and their friends are TO have
their way, the Committee Of the Whole
will become a mere parliamentary form
and not a constitutional safeguard
against jobbery and extravaganza.
Mr.. Kaunamano deserves commenda-
ton for the marked ability with which
he conducted the business in Commit
tee OF the Whole We hope Mr.. Dickey
will profit by the lesson the Chairman
taught him in the rules OF procedure
Mr. Dickey is in the habit OF proposing
that several items not before the com
mittee be punched together, and mas
much as this irregularity has been good
naturally tolerated heretofore by other
gentlemen occupying the Chair, it was
pardonable perhaps in the member Tor
Makawao to appeal against the ruling,
and quote his own successful irregularity
in support Of his position. But now that
a precedent OF strict ruling has been set
by the Chairman OF Committees, we hope
it will be scrupulously followed during
the balance of the session.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-06-15
Systematic Goodness.
ISidney Smith.5

'fWhen you rise in the morning determine
that you will make some person happy
during the day. 1t is easily dcne. If you
are young it will tell when you are old;
and if you are old it viii help te smooth the
road down to the bottom of the hill. By
the most simple arithmetical calculation
look at the result. Suppose you live forty
years after you commence this course of
medicine, and you make one person little
happier than they would have been every
day; that is 80 days in the year, which,
multiplied by forty, amounts to 1860 per
sons which you have made happy-at all
events for a time
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-06-15
Must Keep Up with the Times.
lChira0n Innrn al

A doctor was lately brought before the
German tribunals for having neglected to
keep himself informed as TO the modern
methods of practice. A servant who re-
ceived a wound in the chest in April last
died from septicaemia under the care of this
doctor, who, despising anti>eptic dressings,
treated his patient according to ancient
uSages. The court held that every prac-
titioner should keep himself informed in the
accomplished progress Of science, and have
an exact knowledge of modern systems OF
treatment If these had been employed the
patients life might have been saved, hence
the liability for negligence"
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-06-15
British Rule in Cyprus.
TBoStOn Journal

BOSTON JOurndI.I
The superiority of British over Turkish
rule is lorcibly Illustrated in the Island of
Cyprus. Though many taxes have been
removed and custom duties are less bur-
densome, the revenue is increasing. After
meeting all the indispensable OUTLAWS for
the public service and charging the ex-
penditures for education and making va
rious needed imp Ovements, there is a sur
plus of eighty thousand pounds sterling in
the treasury. This is only eight thousand
pounds sterling less than the British are
required to pay the Sultan for the use of
the island, and it is believed that the reve-
nues will soon furnish the entire sum.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-06-15
Wedding Bells.

At st. Andrews Cathedral Monday
morning at IL o'clock DIR. George Her
bert was united in marriage to Miss
Kate Lee Makee. The ceremony was
performed by the Rev. Alex. Mackin-
tosh in the presences OF only the imme-
diate relatives of the contracting parties.
The bride was given away by her
brother, Mr.. z. n. Makee, of Waihee,
Mimi
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-06-15
More Opium.

BY the Royal Mail steamer Mariposa
Wells, Fargo & Co. received two boxes
addressed to Sun Wo Kee The Custom
House officers, being suspicious, opened
the boxes, and found they each con-
tanned sixty tins of opium belon ging to
a Chinaman named Chung Ho. He was
arrested, and now stands charged with
smuggling and importing opium. He
has been released on a 81 900 bail bond
to appear in the Police Court tomorrow
morning.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-06-15
May Queen Festival.

On May 1st May Queen festival was
given in the Methodist Episcopal Church
at Petaluma, California, which was
largely attended. One of the principal
performers was Miss Pauline Tyfe,
daughter of Mr.. d. X. Tyfe, who was
Jailor OF Oahu prison for many years.
This young lady especially distinguished
barGalf
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-06-15
Police Court.
BEFORE POLICE JUSTICE BIC KERTON.

BEFORE POLICE JUSTICE BIC KERTON.
MONDAY, June 14th.
All Fook was fined 500 and sent over
the reef for twenty days for having
opium in possession.
Ben Tenorio, for disorderly conduct,
was sent over the reef for forty-eight
hours.
Thomas Curly was sentenced to i'm
prisOnment at hard labor for ten days
for disorderly conduct, and ordered to
file bond in the sum of $50 to keep the
peace for one year.
All Wal was fined 81 and 81 20 costs
for assault and battery on Kauhio-
lole (w).
Tom Inokea, for furious and needless
driving, was fined s. and So 80 costs.
Pauahi, Harry and Jose Periera had
each to pay So for drunkenness.