The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-07-08
HUMOR.
FULL moon-the honeymoon.

A FEAST of freezin-ice cream.
ALI PLAYED out -open-air concerts.
Ir is the "duck of bonnet that
makes a young girls head swim.
81 WAS down once myself" remarked
n feather in q lady's bonnet, when it
saw her take an emphatic seat on
banana peel.
IT costs twenty-eight dollars a week
to feed circus tiger. At that rate
what would the monthly board OF
catamount to?
SPEAKING of drinking, it may be OBJ
served that the man who can take 1T
or leave it alone" generally takes it
Boston Courier.
ais THAT sailor intoxicated" well.
I wouldn't swear 10 it, but he looks as
if he had Just doubled Cape Horn. -
| Boston Budget.
A MINITsER may, occasionally be car
ried away with the inspiration OF his
theme. but he generally gets back in
time to take up the collection.-FdH
! River AdUdnce.
ARE we losing our teeth?" asks st.
Louis editor You might get Congress
to send an exploring party into your
mouth and find out and not burden
your paper with things of no interest
! to your readers. Bell,
"CoME, old fellow, don't take your
losses so much to heart" said one Wall
street broker to another who had just
lost heavily; come, bear mp" Il
will :" replied the other with determine
ton; "never again will you find me on
the bull side.
"MoTHER," said little girl to her
parent, who takes great interest In
charitable institutions. II wish / were
an orphan" "Why so, my dear?"
because / should see more of you, for
you are all the time going to the or
phan asylum. "-BoSton Journal.
"WHAl's the matter with that man?'
"Who, that lean, gaunt fellow"
"Yes." ALAS, he is doomed. Two
weeks ago he was the latest man in
town" What caused him to lose all
his tesh?" He served as a Judge at
a baby show. "-ArkdnSdlC TraUeler.
CARE you an advocate of home rule
for Ireland, Mr.. Henpeck?" "Indeed
l am, and if my vote would insure it
Ireland would have a monopoly of
it.. "How do you mean, sir ?" "Why,
! / mean that as far as / am con-
cerned Ireland is so entirely well
come to home rule that l would ship
her at once, if / could, the sample of it
that my wife has introduced and main
tanned in my household, and the sooner
it was shipped the better. "-YonkerS
! Gazette.
THERE is man residing in Rondout
who is very particular about the daily
observance of family worship. His
wife is thoroughly good woman, but
her religion Is of a practical nature.
She thinks there is "a time for every
thing-family worship included-but
that time, to her way of thinking, is
not when a savory breakfast is all ready
to be placed on the table. One morn
ing when her husbands prayer was
! longer drawn out than usual, sus-
| picious smell of overdone biscuit was
waited slowly but surely toward her
olfactory organs. She wriggled and
twisted and thought of her biscuits.
and at last, when the husband started
! off afresh on new track, to which
there seemed no end, she startled the
good man by saying: "Lord John,
cut it short, I've bread in the oven.
Livingston Freeman.
DID HE EVER TALK TO A BOSTON GIRL?
He had studied every lexicon from ancient Mede
| to Mexican,
knew Assyrian, Sanscrt, Greek:
Knew the shape Of sword AID sandal of the
Nisigoth and Vandal.
And the old Etruscan features and physique.
| He could write n song sermon in old Celt or
Ancient German.
And sing Italian songs and roundelays,
| Describe Iiglath-Pilezer, the herbivorous Neb'-
| chadneZZer,
And all the kings and queens of olden days.
He knew Nimrod, Noah, Cyrus, and the mon
archs of Epirus,
And gave scholarly descriptions of their deeds
| He could lend an added spiendor to the ancient
witch of Endor.
And describe the early monarchs OF the
Swedes.
But when he turned to Russian, he reeled with
the conclusion
OF a word that parched and pnralyzed and
! stung.
For Ivan Adamowsi Shank Ranoff Peter
Squoskie
Completely tied and tangled up his tongue.
Lynn Union.