The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25
WIT AND HUsIOls.
IN 1HEEBAw.

With dclirium tremens I'm suffcrin'.
I'm the redshanded ogre OF Mandalay.
l butcher man or two every day.
Save when I'm III md my mood ismild,
When slay woman. or else child;
My claws are like those OF the beasts own,
And llurmlh's my Jungle. rnngc alone:
I'm a wolf IA clothes on a rocking throne,
lm Il tawny brute with taste for blood
And "A great contempt for the threatening Lud
Duiferin
Let Inn come with his troops; will eat them
raw
Tm hungry aud ugly I'm old Thcebaw,
OF Dulmah;
With dclirium trC;acns I'm sufern'!
The mule has one more leg than 4
milking-stool, and he can stand on one
and wave the other three round in as
many different directions. Chicago san.
Guest at the Intervaic House to
waitress: "Nut-crackers, please. "
Waitress, returning with plato of soda
crackers: This is the only kind we
have, ma lam" Fact.) Aeto York. Post.
The sporting fraternity have grown
SO respectable of late that a young
lady whose father is in tho undertaking
business now speaks of her parent as
professional boxer. Tran
script.
A Worcester County woman whose
husband is a dentist engaged man to
saw wood for her, and when the job
was done told him she hadn't got any
change, but the doctor would pull a
tooth for him for nothing some time.-
Boston Transcript. .
Rome, Ga. is great city for mill
tary titles. BY actual count there are
sixty-two Generals, Colonies, Majors
and Captains. Not single private is
known to be within the city limits. -
Columbus Ca Enquirer.
A female school-teacher living at
Lodi wrote to the Superintendent of
Butte County for a position. and mod
estly asked the Superintendent il, in
case there were no vacancies, he would
kindly assist her in ousting some old
fossil. San Francisco Atta.
And did YOU tamely stand by and
permit Smith to call you a liar and a
coward" Not much, didn't. Pm
not that kind of man." What did
YOU do?" Il hurried of and saw my
lawyer. I've got three witnesses, and
the case comes up to-day. "-New York
Times.
| Il attended two theatres the first
night | vas in New York, wrote q
rural buck TO his fond parents. land
three balls the next. Had a glorious
time the first, and only got - on my
watch tine next" The unsophisticated
old people are still wondering what
he meant. -BinghaDlton Republican.
Once there was hired man who
was constantly astonishing his employ
CT, farmer, by doing strange and un-
expected things. One day the farmer
went into the barn and found that his
man had hanged himself. Looking at
the dangling body few minutes, lac
exclaimed: What on earth Will that
fellow do next?'
DR.. j. W. Griggs' suit against the
Western Railroad was terminated last
Friday. The jury gave the doctor
damages TO the amount OF $500. We
asked him what he proposed to dc
with so much money. lie said: ii
shall buy tirst-class donkey and name
it tor the Judge who presided in the
ease. ~ Dcst Point (Ga.) AewS.
\ well-known Westiield character
recently wrote TO one of our public
/ ScnOOl ledcncI> that nc NdulcQ nl'
children to learn 10 read, not 10 march
that they could be taught 10 do that
at home, and that he had previously
sent two of them To another school
where they did nothing but march, un.
til they iinallymarchcd into the Reform
School. lIeSt6eh (lass.) Times.
Has America need of Westmin
ster Abbey?n asks an exchange. well.
wouldn't it be rather ungrateful Il
bury the Sweet Singer of Michigan
and the author of The Bloody Buca
neer of the Bounding Billows' in :
common, every day cemetery. where
repose the remains of base bali players,
editors, roller-skaters, congressman.
and other ordinary people? --Aoyris.
t0scA Eeraid.
| Mum socials are all the rage. Tn,
following are the rules: l. All enterins
the room will be expected TO maintain
| perfect silence. ,. The first person
who speaks will be fined SO cents. 3
Each succeeding person will be sub
iect to line of % cents and be en-
titled to n ticket for refreshments ant
the privilege of talking and of making
others talk. 4. No writing allowed
The churches arc using them 10 fiji
their cxpbeoIlcrS