The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1886-06-03
PUBLIC SPEAKING.
Sample Lots of Orators Picked Up Along
Life's Highways.

Life's Highways.
AS it is everybody's ambition to gain
fame and prominence as q public
speaker, and as it is in line with our
principles to foster and forward every
laudable ambition, we take this oppor-
tunity to set before our readers certain
sample lots of public speakers, pro-
cured at great pains and immense ex-
pense, and we trust that every one OF
our readers will find something in the
lot that will suit his predictions and
prejudices.
Exhibit 1, and perhaps the most serv-
iceable in the entire invoice, is war;
ranted to give satisfaction under all
conditions and in any kind of climate.
1t is very durable 1t will wear like
iron. This speaker is stately, rotund.
deliberate and perfectly sound in wind
and action. His sentences are of un-
varying length and all very long.
They are uttered in delightfully."- uni
form tone of voice, which moves in bill
lowy grandeur, like this, - -
-; the movement being kept up un-
til the end of the sentence is reached,
when the voice is permitted to curve
gracefully upward, thus: =. This
gives an opportunity for taking breath
before recommending the billow busi-
ness. This speaker is warranted to
run for any time desired, from half an
hour to all day. Any person really de-
sirious of something superior will do
well to snap this up before it is taken
by somebody else.
Exhibit 2. This is a rapid speaker,
1t is not so much in request as exhibit
/, but it has its especial merits. The
chief of these consists in the inability
of the hearer to understand what the
speaker is saying, for the former is
therefore unable TO reply to the argu-
ments of the rapid speaker, if the rapid
speaker think it worth while to indulge
in such unnecessary expedients and if
the hearer does make the attempt and
apparently gets the better of the rapid
speaker. the rapid speaker has the
power of denying that he said any
thing that the other said he said-and
who, pray, is to know whether he did
or not? The manner of working the
rapid speaker is to seize a sentence by
the butt, as you would a horse-whip,
and by sudden and adroit movement
snap out the rest of it in one time and
one motion. This will require some
practice. You would better begin with
detached sentences. When you have
so far succeeded as to be able to utter
s'The Commonwealth of Massachusetts"
in one syllable, you will have gone very
far on your way toward perfection as
rapid speaker
Exhibit is of the mumbling variety,
very useful when you can't think of
the words you want to use This will
be disposed of at bargain; not be-
cause it is of inferior quality, but
simply because the lot is an unusually
large one.
Exhibit 4. Loud-mouthed; very use
full during political campaigns. Will
be sold at sacrifice.
Exhibit 5. This is a retailer Oh
chestnuts; good for all occasions; the
most servieeable variety in the whole
line. Can afford to sell low on account
of the heavy stock we have on hand.
Exhibit 6. This is machine that
deals in jokes, leaving out the point,
and gets all jumbled up trying to apply
them. Rather common, but well worth
examining.
Exhibit Z. All! this is something
worth looking at. 1t is the true ora
tor No discount on this lot. Itsprin-
cipal features are seven-jointed words,
tautology, pleonasm and "damnable
iteration Take this and you'll never
regret it.-Boston Transcript.