The Indiana State sentinel., 1886-03-31
CAPITAL AND LABOR.
BY "A wouLD-BE FUNNY YOUNG MAN.

Capital and Labor were two heavyweight
pugilists. They were engaged in continual
quarrels. Neither could get along without
the other. and yet it was not happy family.
Capital kept giving Labor black eyes and
punching his nose, in order to increase his
share of the gate receipts, while Labor occa-
sionally broke one of Capitals ribs, in gently
impressing upon him the fact that his family
could not live on SNOWFALL sandwiches, and
that Ring Rule, No. /: "Liye and let
live" was the proper one to ''scrap" the
Battle of Life by. A gambler and dema-
gogue, named Socialist, tongue pugilist
who never worked, and never wanted any
body else to, acted as tale bearer between the
two giants, and in order to plumber, steal and
prey on the misfortunes of others during the
confusion, did all he could to break the
ropes and get up free-for-all tight.
Labor had little sor called Labor Union.
Labor Union grew. Yea, verify, he shot up
like fire ladder or the festive corn stalk on
Western railroad lands (see land agents cir
cular.) You could stand him against wall
and see hlm rise. Patent yeast was no where
and couldn't have kept within ten laps of
him. Short pants and curly locks were soon
things of the past. His hair was cut fighting
style and he had fist as big as the ham of a
prize hog at State fair. He was not pretty
to look at for there was great deal of his
neck and it was of the cut known as "bull. f"
He looked like a man that cyclones and other
terrors would lay away from. If his own
mother had met him she wouldn't have rec
ognized her darling, but would have said
There is Goliath going out to chase the p0-
lice up the railroad track and put three coats
of cardinal red on the town, with fancy trim
mings around the border"
Labor Union rapidly became dangerous
man with his hands. and was not particular
whether he pulverized local slHggers and
minor representatives of Capital according to
the London prize ring rules, the laws of the
Marquis, or the unwritten doctrine OF every
man for himself"
During the windy month of March, 1886.
the old feud was revived, and for bitter hate
it fully equaled the Kentucky brand OF
feuds. Labor Union came out in a card and
said that he was a shoulder hitter of high de-
gree, with pedigree as long as a Kansas
corn-row; that he could knock out anything
that numbered the soil of the ''home of the
brave and the land of the free" /" and reproved
Capital for his avarice. Capital cast greedy
looks at the gate receipts and said that
If Labor Union wasn't satisfied with his
share he wouldn't get any. Labor Union
said that he wouldn't have it that way, as he
didn't fancy being cut off without penny.
At this stage of the game Socialist was put
under glass case They'Stripped and hop
ped into the ring. They spared carefully
for an opening. Labor Union got it, and
struck out with his right and left. The shock
was like the jar that is felt when healthy
mule unlimbers both batteries. Capital
went off in trance, his heart beat family
and many of his main arteries were par.
alyzed and choked up. His hackers sponged
4 . IryA hic
but he wouldn't kick. Labor Union waited
for time with his dukes up.
Gentle reader, for further particulars see
daily papers