The Irish standard., 1886-07-03
STANDARD D'' BREVITIES.

4, ANDARD" BREVII'IES.
An unmixed evil w hiskey straight.
The man who takes hint is not neces-
sarily thief.
When girl changes beaus does she re-
new her youth?
Overwork, like charity, is made tocov-
er multitude Of sins.
An envelope is like woman. 1t can't
go anywhere without address.
Indians enjoy canoe-bial felicity when
they sail out into the matrimonial sea.
Unless one is partial to sheets of water
he should always avoid the bed of river.
Croquet was said to beget quarre1ling,
and thereisa deal of racket about lawn
tennis.
When it comes 10 disctarging 8 man,
every employer likes to be his own ship.
ping clerk.
The infant cucumbers when partaken
of too freely are rather co-cumbersome
to the stomach.
Never borrow trouble. OF course not,
there is always somebody that will give
YOU all you want.
There ere lots Of men that can tell the
truth. but it seems to hurt them so bad
that they lever do it, -
The kind of cloth used iii making
dudes clothing should be appropriate
also for dollmans
We do not see why people should be
surprised atladies' corsets being tight
they are always Old bust.
The most effective tie-ups i'll this coun-
try are those under the auspices OF west
esn lynching parties.
One trouble Of tbs beer-mahers is
shat il tie brewers strike the hops and
things will go OH working.
Another Chicago man has invented an
aerial machine. People will take des-
perate chances to get away from Chi
cago. 94.
Tom: "Hows that cold of yours?"
Bert: "Oh, / got rid Of it," Tom:
"lYbat did ycn take?" Bert: IA
fresh one"
Business in the busy world must al
ways go ahead OF literature. No mar
l:et is quoted ao much rs the market
reports are.
It is q strange thing that the man
who knows exactly how TO run q news
paper is always engaged in some other
kind Of business.
A woman can sit III & theatre tor three
hours without getting cran1p, catching
she toothache, or becoming faint for |
want Of fresh air. A 7nan can's.
The church is sometimes 80 crowded |
that the people ou the reag seats can't !
reach the uaourne,.e' bench, bat the dea~ t
con never fails to worm his way through |
with the contribution box.
A reader interested in financial affairs
writee to ask it the eight-hour day ap
plies TO pron1issory notes, It does not,
Il only means that if you begin early
you can get off in time for the base ball
game.
The reason. the man WHO minds the
other mans business dosel,'t get rich is
because the other man whose business
he minds generally is not grateful enough
to be reciprocal and mind the business
of the nan who minds his business.
@sYou say that the trout weighed ten
pounds?' eyes, sir, it was the biggest
Srout ever saw 's4Anti he got away
from you?'' Yes will you take
the oaths to tl,at?' 'I'll take no more
oaths; I swore enough about it when it
got away"
Man, show yourself Of nonle soul
While here you are 81 dwe}!or.
Don't let yooA1 wife bring up tho coal
And hindung from the cellar.
But do that worE yOurself; rodecs :
Kou swore TO love her ever. j
he good to her ard her respect {
Aud love will leaye YOU never.
''That's nice stick you're carrying
johnson. What Gid it cost you?"
<>Three puncten, aeah boy.' ''How
much is that in dollars?'' Crush NE if {
I know. I neyaw count in dollaws
They make it too dooced complicated
faw anything"
James Dillon, Dublin bill poster,
invents his very material vocation with
a touch of the muses.. His ADVERTISE