Bent County register., 1886-10-02
BROTHER GARDNER.
THE PRESIDENT OF THE LIAfEKILN
CLUB breaches A PHILoso-
PHICAL SERMON


PHIcAL SERMON.
When I h'ar an individual riz MP
an declar' his disgust wild de world
i sot him down as pusson who has
contributed his far share lords
bringin' de world to its present con-
dishun.
Oar am sartin people who war
bon into dis life fur no pertickler
reason. Dey am as outer place as a
blind hoss befo' lookin-gIass. Dey
havn't de smartness to steal nor de
spirit to work. Dey am too coward
ly to suicide, an not brave nuff to
face de problem of life. Dey am
mean nuff to cove:, but not reckless
nuff to steal. Dey begin on Sunday
mawnin to predict short crops, an
wind up Saturday night by a
prophecy of earthquakes or cholera.
On de front doah of ebery sich man
should be nailed a sign readin': at
am better to pass on to de next
co'ner an take de small pox instead" /"
/ sit down wild my pipe of an eve
min an boil sartin matters down an
frow away de skimmins Ize been
gainin two or three pounds of flesh
"a var fur de las ten Vars. What
rich man has done better? I'ze got
tight roof ober head an good
cellar below. Jay Gould's roof may
be higher an his cellar bigger, but
why should l envy him when l have
room nuff?
On my table am con beef, taters,
cabbage, bread an odler tings which
please my taste, satisfy my hunger
an put fat on my ribs. Does any
millionaire do mo- dan eat to please
hisself?
De panes in my windows am small
but clear. l kin look out to de east,
moth, south and west. De Wander
bits can't do any better. DER glass
may be larger an cost mo- money,
but it doan keep out mo- weather.
I'ze got n bit of garden in which
| l'ze CROWN taters, lettuce, onions.
beets and de like. De Queen of
England kin have a bigger garden,
but l.er vegetables must grow in de
same way, an would taste no better
I'ze got plenty of fuel for cold
weather an lily screens to keep cut de-
dust an flies i'll summer. De Kings
palace am warmed by de same coal
an his screens made from de same
wire. l want neither his heat MOI
his skeeters.
I'ze got good health and a purity
far job. Dar am plenty of million.
aires who haven't got no health tall
and whose worry am mo- tiresome
dan nv labor.
Ize got II lot all paid for in dc
graveyard. Some men may have
two, but doan envy 'em BY an by
men de ole woman will be laid away
up dar, BY an by de rich man an
his wife will also be laid away. Dey
may have monument towerin' above
tombstuns, but dey'll sleep no sweet.
er nor awaken any sooner. DER
coffins may be richer, but de same
airth will bring all to decay.
De great trouble wild aiveaage hu.
manity, as l see it, am de faek dat
people grasp fur too much What
was riches to de las ginerashun am
! jist nuff to make dis one discomfort.
ed. What was comfort den am
poverty now. De wages of our
gran fathers would hardly buy ap'ons
fur de wives of workin'men to-day.
We am full of froth an show. Hy-
pocricy an deceit am part of our
stock in trade. Envy and jealousy
am drivIn' out charity an content
ment. Fifty Vars hence, if dey
should dig down to my coffin an
find dat | had turned ober, de papers
needn't make any sensashun. 1t am
quite sartin onless great change
takes place, dat de mex generashun
will make us ole dead folks tired
Detroit Free Press.