St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1886-02-18


music lessons at Boston. The other
two are teaching school. She is at
home alone, going around in a tread
mill life which will end in a rosewood
coffin and a first class country funeral"
"Stop that, professor, will you 7"
"While you are still handsome
man, with just enough gray in your
whiskers to make you look interesting.
No doubt you have been thinking of
some nice young girl of IL who wOuld
jump at the chance to marry your 30
cows and 30 acres of hops, no doubt"
professor, won't stay here if you
don't let up on that"
"And your wife does not look well
in that new WatertOwn wagon, so you
take your neighbors' girls to meeting.
Your wife never goes anywhere, so
you do not get her a watch like Your
own, nor a new silk dress, nor a pony
that she could drive, nor a basket pha-
etOn that she could climb into without
ladder. She never says anything,
so YOU have not got her a set of teeth
| like your own gold and rubber, but she
has to gum it until her nose is pushed
up into her forehead and her face
wrinkles like a burned boot. She never
goes out, so she does not dye her hair
as YOU do yours, but it looks like a
milkweed pod gone to seed. She has
to work in the kitchen, so she gets no
nice tOothpick shoes like yours, but
goes chumping around like sheep in
IA dry goods box"
eff l don't"
'No you won't; you will just let her
work right along, and then you will
marry some high flyer who will pull
every hair out of your head and serve
you right, too"
professor, for mercy's sake, stop"
"When you know, and | know, that
if your wife had chance to rest, had
nice clothes like other women, she
would be one of the handsOmest wO-
men in the town."
81 believe it,"
"And, old as she is, if you were to
get out the carriage next Sunday and
drive around with the colts, and tell
her you wanted her to go to meeting
with you. she would actually blush
with pleasure"
''f'll do it,"
"Then Monday, if you were to tell
her you were going to hire girl and
that she must sit in the sitting room
by that new nickle-plated coal stove
and work on that new silk dress you
are going to buy her"
professor, that's me-"
"And then hand her a nice wallet
with steel clasps and with five nice
new $40 notes in it, and tell her to do
her own trading after this, because
you have got tired looking after so
much money"
81 will as Sure as Won liVeD
"And then when the tear starts in
her eye, and the same old blush comes
out that you thought was so nice when
you went on that teeter to Albany if
you would kiss her"
otis all right, professor"
"Then, my friend, | would begin to
think she had made something by mar
rying a rich man."
you're right, old man.
"Then think you would no longer
have miserable wife. Then you
would no longer want to sell or rent
the farm, but would be showing the
mother of your children how much you
respected her for her life of devotion.
Then she would know she was part
ner in that $4,000. Then, if you
made your will all right, and she had
a good rest, | think she would some
time be an eligible widow"
'Think SO, professor ?"
81 know it. Woman is a plant that
wants sunshine. You have been leav-
ing your wife in the shade too much.
She has lost her color. You have made
her think she is an old woman. She
has given up all hope of admiration
and love, and is only waiting to die
and get out of the way. Suppose you
were treated so ?"
"What, me? | am all right"
eyes, | know. Women pity you be-
cause you are tied to such sorry
looking wife. Foolish old maids and
silly girls whisper behind your back
what Il nice-lOOking man you are, and
what a stick of a wife yOu have got,
and you are just soft enough to wear
tight boots and oil what little hair You
have left on the top of your head and
go around figuring up how long before
your wife will die"
"Say now, see here, professor, there
is limit to endurance. | am going"
81 am coming down to see You next
week; will it be all right ?"
ayes, if you drop this kind of talk
and won't tell of my complaints about
my wife, will try your medicine.
Would you stick for that part of your
prescription about the pOcketbOOk and
$50 notes 2"
GLOW much did you say you had
made together"
81 cave. The dress will be all right,
and the pony and phaeton will be han
dy for the gals. Come down and see
us old man, but not word about this
talk. If you wasn't an old man, I'd"
Tipping his derby back on his head
and shaking the wrinkles out of his
tight trousers, he put his hands into
his pockets and sauntered away.
''There," said |, sis one man who has
taken the only legal and God given
way of getting rid of Il miserable wife.
i Albany Journal