The Press., 1886-09-30
CAUGHT A TARTAR.

Qreat boulevard of wealth and fashion. He was rather tall, well built, elegantly dress ed. but vet did net seem to be happy He seemed to be absent-minded, and there was on his face careworn look. A stout gentleman ten years older than the young gentleman with the sad, careworn expres- sion was coming from the opposite direc- tion. He stopped and exclaimed heartily
 "Why, John, how do you do, my dear boy? Have you forgotten your old friend ?''
 ssDoctor, declare I didn't see you un- til you spoke.
 tAnd yet you were looking right at me. Don't apologize, for I'm not going to re- proach you. When a man marrles one ot the prettiest, girls ins New York -apds one who is rich beside--it is no wonder he don't see his friends when he meets them on the street"
 s'Dector, I am not going to dispute with you, for I admit that I am 8 little absent minded. It is true that I am very happy, but"
 "But What do you mean by that qualifying word2 Are there any Rnitigat- ing circumstances, So tosspeak2p ttNo, can't say that therefare, but"
 "There it is again. Of course, don't want you to give anything away, but ii you have any trouble, you can confide it to an old friend with perfect safety. Perhaps I, being doctor, can suggest remedy.
 'I would be perfectly happy if 1t were ot or my wife's mother. She is devoted fly attached to her daughter. They are as much together as if they were Siamese twins. I have been married whole week, but I have not been alone with my wife five minutes since the ceremony. l fully intended to take bridal tour, but when Mrs. Swiftly said she would go along, to take care of us, changed my mind. When want to travel for misery instead of for spleasnre, I can drive an undertaker's wag- on. The ruth is, mysdear doctor, that it is with difficulty that can persuade my self that am really married. ",s
 "That is bad state of things. l don't see how any remedy can be applied, but perhaps your mother-in-la may marry again. She is upward of 40, suppose, although nobody would suppose so to look at her. Widows are like young babies. The.frst six months they cry great deal, the second six months they begin to take notice, and they experience good deal of difficulty in getting through the second summer. Without meaning any disrespect to your worthy mother-in-law, I venture the prediction that she will marry again, and then you will be liberated. In this country the marriageable age for women runs from 12 to 107."
 "Don't mention such a thing, doctor, as Mrs. Swiftly marrying"
 s '''Why not ?"
 s'My wife is to inherit all her mothers property. If she marries again may be left out in the cold. It makes me shudder to hear you talk about Mrs. Swiftly mar rying."
 ''You are right. That would never do. I wish could suggest some plan, but l don't see how can be of any helpto you. " 5 "You can help ma, doctor, Ands you must. Gall around at the house this even ing. My mother-in-law is 8 very pleasant conversationist. I know you like Q good bottle of wine and fine cigar. She don't object to smoking. I've got them both in abundance. You can entertain Mrs. Swift ly while and my wife take little walk. You are the. very man l want. All you have to do is to talk to my mother-inslaw for an hour or so while I become acquaint- ed with my wife, You, too, are asplenaid and areI 50 full of wit and humor that you can get her so interested in your conversation that she will not mo- tice our absence. This. hideous fix am in. I know she means we'll, but her kind ness is killing me. Do you know what her kindness reminds me of ?'
 ''I can't imagine"
 tsMy mother-in-l law reminds me of tame bear who loved his master very much. One day the bear say fly on his masters head, and thinking to do his master favor he struck blow at it and drove away the fly, but nearly knocked his masters head off My mother-in-law imagines that be- ing constantly in the room with me and my wife, ,sshe is gshowing use great kind. hess, but Tawouid prefer Co have her Iii me on the back of the neck with 8 rolling pin ,, s.s.. -. ..... = @