Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-09-22
NEWSPAPER WIT.

A SUIT of armor was the olj-fash-
toned knight dress.-Boston CONNER
cia7 Bulletin.
A MILWAUKEE paper soiemnly asks:
CATER the S@ngerfest, what then ?''
Without hesitation we answer "beer. /"
| -Exchange.
A SAN FRANCISCO fellow was too
bashful to let the girl sit In his lap;
and now the girl says the shy knees
must go.-LoweH Citizen.
FIRST WAYFARER-"Well, but if
you're q Dublin man how came you
to be born in Cork?" Second Ditto
"Sure it was just this-I was staying
there at the tonne. Judy.
PATIENT-"What do you think Of B.
warmer climate for me, doctor p
Doctor-"Great Scott man. isn't
that just what I am trying to save
you from ?"-New York Sun.
BUYERS Of wedding presents who are
hesitating upon the merits OF appro-
pirate articles for purchase might be
pleased with the presents selected by
nice old lady. She sent g. pair OF
fatirons, rolling pin, and a motto
worked on cardboard reading, "Fight
On"
Tom, gave you avery liberal allow
ance when sent you to college; never
theless, I hear that you have had
some trouble in meeting your bills ?"
"Not the slightest in the world, faith
er, | assure you. 1t has been sill l
could do to keep out of their way
Merchant Traveller.
THE deacon's wife wanted to jot
down the text, and, leaning over to
her scapegrace nephew, she whispered:
s'Have you card aboutyou?" "You
can't play in church," was his solemn,
reproving answer; and the good woman
was 80 fustered that she forgot all
about the text Exchange.
A FARMER sent dollar for g. light
ming potato-bug killer, which he saw
advertised in a paper, and received by
return mail two blocks of wood, with
directions printed on them as follows:
"rake this block, No. 1, in the right
hand; place the bug on No. 2 and
press them together. Remove the bug
and proceed as before"
INFLUENTIAL citizen-"So yer think
in Nv locatin' hyur, air YEP" Young
physician-"Well, yes, had thought
some of practicing here" influential
citizen-'Practisin'l Look hyur,
young man, thar's a good openin'
hyur fur doctor uz Understands his
biz, but we don't want no practisin';
doctorin's what we want. "-Harper' rs
Bazaar.
"WELL," said the persevering gov
erness, 81 will put it in another shape.
If it takes one servant nine hours to
do the entire Homework of onefamily,
how long will it take three servants TO
do it? Little Nell-"O, can answer
that. I heard mamma speak of it this
very morning" Teacher-"Well.h how
long will it take them?" Little Nell
''Three times as long. "-Exchanee.
THE other day overheard CONVEX
sation on the subject OF snakes be-
tween my Amy, years of age. and her
brother Herbert, 2 years her junior
"Isn't it good" said Amy, chat
mamma wasn't bitten by rattle
snake in the Catskills ?" eyes," as
sented Herbert. "You see," resumed
his sister, elf mamma had been killed
by the rattlesnake we would have
been born without ."-Babvhood
CHATS what call O. good dinner, !"
remarked Bobby, as he leaned back in
his chair with an air of repletion.
"Bobby," said his mother, "I'm
ashamed of you" The minister, who
was dining with the family, laughed
heartily. "Bobby appreciates thegood
things OF life," he said, "like all the
rest of u.s. "Don't you think it was
a good dinner?" Bobby asked of the
minister. "Yes, indeed. l enjoyed
it very much" "Ma said she thought
you would, because she didn't suppose
you got very much at home. New
York Sun.
A STRANGER who attempted to drown
himself at St. Louis and was pulled
out of the river was asked by one of
the crowd around him: "Say, do you
really want to make sure thing of
it?" Eyes, I want to die" "Want
to die real dead ?" eyes" "Allright,
come over here in the saloon where
there is a gang of men and hurrah for
Jay Gould for the next president. If
you live three months after yelling I'll
pay your board for a. whole month. +"
The man concluded to live on.-WaH
Street News.