The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-07-28
flashes Of fun.

DIR. f. Cat the clinic, to the stu
dents)-"Gentlemen, / have to beg
your pardon. I've made a slight mis-,
take and taken off the patients we'll
leg. However, I'll cure the other,
which will make it all right"
"A writer in the Agriculturist
asks: "What shall we do to make
the kitchen bright?' You might
accelerate the fire with a tilt of the
kerosene can. That generally tends
to brighten up things for an hour or
two.
-"Were you in the late warp
asked a veteran of a badly demon
allied citizen, who came hobbline
down the street on a crutch. II
don't know how late you mean,"
was the sad reply. "She gave me
this one last evening before tea"
ID have been married now"
boasted a prosy old fellow, "more
than thirty years, and have never
given mywife a 0 word" "That's
because you never dared, uncle" said
a little nephew who lived with them.
IF you had, aunty would have made
you jump"
Not many soldiers would have
thought of the droll reply that rose
to the lips of the Confederate who
was caught in the persimmon tree
by Gen. Longstreet. When sternly
asked by his commander what he
was doing there, the veteran at once
disarmed wrath by saying: "I'm eat
ing green persimmons to draw my
stomach up so it'll fit its rations."
This is the way they are said to
make love in Germany: do you
love me, Gretchen?' said a burly
Teuton to the maiden of his choice.
Il do" was the meek reply. "And
will you be my wife?" II will"
"Then my darling, come here and
pull off my boots,' and the proper
relationship between husband and
wife was at once established.
A servant girl in New Haven
stole her mistress false teeth. The
woman told a policeman that "She
skeesh Gosh shwensy shollarsh, ansh
she shwash wosh shusha wresh
ashdo shteesh fawshe sheet" Wal
till | find an interpreter" interrupted
the policeman, thinking the woman
was a newly-arrived Hungarian; but
she was an American, and when her
teeth were in she could talk the head
off him.
-Backus, the minstrel, had an
enormous mouth. One summer he
and his fellow minstrel, Birch, parted,
Birch to 60 fishing and Backus to
90 to Chicago. When Birch one day
had fshed for a short time, there
came a tremendous yank at his hook.
Using all his might he pulled to the
surface a fish of surprising proper
tions, and with the largest mouth he
had V e e in any member of the
tinny tribe. "Great gollywhoppus!
Backus," cried the burnt cork angler
in amazement, dropping his tackle
and springing to his feet, 81 thought
you were in Chicago!'
The Chinaman has a cheerful
way of making his wants known,
even if he is short of understanding
as to expressing himself in our Ian
guage. One of them went into a
store in a town in Montana, and
walking up to the counter, deposited
a grasshopper thereon, saying. as he
gazed upon the clerk with a contid-
ing look: "He too much hoppee-
stop him. You sabbee?" The oblig-
ing clerk at once commenced meas
uring off mosquito bar, to the intense
delight of the heather. The grass
hoppers had been destroying his
garden, and wanting to purchase
some mosquito bar, but not knowing
the name of the article, he brought
the destroyer with him, and the
clerk understood in moment what
John Chinaman wanted.
City gent-"Can you tell me OF
any nice farm house round here
where I can get board?"
Farmer-"Nice farm house?"
City gent-"Yes.'
Farmer-"Wal, I s'pose you want
a nice, cheerful place, whar you can
be accommodated with tolerable good
sized rooms?"
City gent-"Just So"
Farmer-"And where they keep a
kerridgeY p