The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-05-20
HUMO2.

THE po,t kindles the muse and
then the editor kindles the Gre with
the productions.
AND now Chicago claims that pork
is q brain food. being product of
thousands of Western pens. -LotcH
Citizen.
HARVARD CoLLEGE has a brass band.
This may account for the large number
of high toned tutors there SOmer-
Uille JON NAL
NEWARK highwaymen prefer lead
pipe to a sand-bag when they rob their
victims. So does plumber. -Nelo
York Journal
~No NAN can master the whole range
of human knowledge" says writer.
He forgets the Western horse-doctor.
-Esteiine Bel.
THE man who is waiting for some
thing to turn MP will DO wanting in APP
probation when he turns up his toes.
-Yonkers Gazette.
FARMERS are not much on style.
They object to dados on their barns,
and kick like q mule If they wake up
and find freeze on their crops.
PATRIcK-An' fwat did Moses iver
do? Minister-He-why, he lifted up
the serpent in the wilderness, and
Patrick-An' be iabers, an didn't st.
Patrick foire that same spalpeen Of
schnake oat av ould Oireland !-Neoo-
man Independent
EpIToR's WIFE-John, there's n
burglar in the house. Editor-I know
it; but keep still; I'll get up as soon
as he goes. +. W.-What's the good
then? E.-What's the good? Why,
great Peter I'll get scoop on the
other papers.-Netc Haren Ne,cs.
EVERYBODY has some pet supersti-
ton in this world. The very man who
will jeer at his wife because she be-
lieves the puerile prophecies OF for
tune-teller will shudder If he sees the
new moon over the wrong shoulder,
and won't eat with thirteen at table.
-SomerUitle Journal
"SMITH has q fine ear for music"
Brown has fine ear for cookery"
What are you giving us?" well,
you Just say stewed terrapin when he's
around and see how he will prick up
his auricular lobes." THAT So" "Then
I'd rather board him by the week than
the ear. "-Terds Siftings.
SPRING editorial in Arkansas coun-
try paper by this time our farmers
ought to know that they are ruin
ing themselves with cotton. Corn and
wheat are neglected and our country
suffers on account of it.. Autumn edi-
torial in the same paper: "Our town
ships more cotton than any town with
in q radius of hundred miles. This
speaks volumes for the industry aud
wisdem of our people. Now is the
time to subscribe. "-ArkdnSalC TraD-
eIer.
TAMPERING with the beard is always
a dangerous experiment.. An eminent
ly respectable citizen of the North
Side, who shed a winters growth of
whiskers last week, was mistaken for
noted baseball player within two
hours afterward, and urgently entreat-
ed to pray for sick man the following
day. HIS wife bankrupted broom
handle and demoralized new silk hat
in chasing him out of the house, while
his own dog tore his pants and drew
blood on the calf of his leg. and the
baby was scared so badly that it
has not yet got through giving its
mother the particulars about it-Chi-
cago Ledger.
PosT-NUPTIAL TRANSFORMATION.
There man OF knowledge deep command
ing sweep who knew n heap. n man who
studied day and night, and hardly spared
the time to sleep.
This man so staid he knew a mad demure.
afraid, and half dismayed. shy as the nymph
Of ancient myths sequostered in some syl-
van shade
This maid so rare with golden hair and modest
air, so debonair she chnrned this man
Of learned lore, and caught him in her
wtchng snare.
This man Of thought and learned lore. his hair
ne tore, and Ger and DER he loudly swore
that he would cherish her for uye, and he
would love her overmore.
Now they wed, in his library hooks among
his books his knees he crooks, and sees his
wife SO seldom now that he's forgotten how
she looks.
The wife to whom the man before so loudly
swore he would adore forevermore lives
with her mother and declares her husband
is a regular bore.