The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1886-09-02
BILL Nye's "REMINISCENCES
A. Committeeman Of . Recent Fourth
Of July Celebration.

BILL NvE'S OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
A Committeeman Of . Recent Fourth
of July Celebration.
In the summer Of W was on the commit
tee chosen at meeting of our citizens ito
make arrangements for the proper observa-
ton Of the regular national day which
marks the onward march Of freedom" We
selected proper place, hired lumber enough
to make seats, with pitch on it to In ure
the audience staying through the overture.
We secur,d slender, long-waisted Texas
shoat named Phallas to act as CREASED pig,
hired q band from atown," got a young
woman with a tall head and twenty-ounce
pippin Adams apple to read the Declaration
of Independence, and then we began to cast
about us for good, strong-voiced orator
who would remain tolerably sober TIL he
had made his speech. We looked the ground
over pretty well, and at last decided to call
Col. Braley, of the Sage Hen ranch call
him Col Braley because it suits my purpose
better to call him Col Braley. The gentls-
man to whom ] refer Is still alive, and
you'd like to be also Therefore call him
Col Braley.
We wrote to the colonel . pleasing note in
which We referred to his genial manners, his
great popularity and his good sense upon
matters that would naturally interest the
people OF our section. We told him that Ii
was the general wish that he would favor US
on that occasion, and we hoped for an early
and satisfactory reply. In two days we re-
ceived the following, as well as am able to
recall 1t at this date: EFE
"a SAGE HEN RANCH. June 81, 1877.
Mr.. Chairman and Gentlemen Of tho Fourth
Of July COMMITTEES: 81
Your favor regarding a speach upon the
grounds near the old Buffalo Waller, on the
Fourth of July, Is received. lam no speaker
on such an occasion as that, and therefore
beg to be excused. There 10 only about one
man out of ten thousand that can make q
good Fourth Of July speech, and he Is not,
as q general thing, good for anything else.
. In the first place. Idon't seem to have the
necessary voica have tried 1t once and
did not succeed. The majority of the crowd
went home mad because they couldn't hear.
and the balance went home mad because
they could. So haven't got the. voice.
can stand over on Roundup 10. and talk
to the foreman on No. 4 easy enough, but /
can't talk against Sabbath school loaded
with fire crackera (:
Moreover, gentlemen, I am not ready
thinker under these circumstances am a
man Of fair business Judgment or else 1
couldn't have accommodated z, 500 head Of
No. 1 4-year-olds worth $s5 apiece in Omaha
with nothing to begin on five years ago but
a condemned government mule and hope
full disposition. You win admit that as a
financier I am No SLOUGH, when tell you
that in oil that Eve years the assessor has
never got near enough to hold aconversa,
ton with me Or TO sock valuation on my
herd.
The trouble with me is that when get up
on my feet to talk to Q large and perspiring
throng Of people my idees are like bunch
of cattle In the stock yard, for instance. The
whole blamed crowd wants to skin through
the shute and be loadel into the same car at
the same minute, or else they won't con-
demned one Of 'em agree to be loaded
That's the best way can express 1t. I've
either got idees enough 10 load a car, all at
once. faster than can get rid of 'em, or else
can't think Of blamed thing. Still, con-
tinuing to carry out the comparison, gentle
men, want to say to you that have also
had n big fat, Swear old Maverick idee got
wedged into my head when I tried to maze
a speech. and it would neither go ahead ilto
the speech nor back out for five minutes.
You can fancy a man of my position in so
ciety standing up before a mob of his fellow
men and twisting the tail of reluctant
idea till he is red in the facet
Hove my country, gentlemen, and love
the dear old Tag. You don't hear me brag
about it, though it's nothing to. be ashamed
of, but have fought for this flag when, if
! had listened to the voice of conscience, !
would have gone to Canada. I have
marched along the endless dusty roads of
the south with seal brown musket on my
shoulder for days and days without seeing
anything to shoot. I have slept in tho bot
tom Of trench night after night, expo citing
every timo that would take my breakfast
next morning in the New Jerusalem. All
this have dons because thought it was
right, and think SO yet; but am not good
finland extemporaneous speaker on the
Fourth of July. -
will bow my head when you open the exer-
cisos with prayer. will hum with you in
low, gutteral tone when the gIee club sings
"America. viii pause In my labors while
the Declaration Of independence is being
Missed out through the clenched teeth Of u
young, scared to death elocutionist, who
seems to be afraid of the cars. l will suffer
with you in spirit through the long, hot ora
ton. filed with patriotism and perspiration,
but I cannot BE there. will think of you,
and I will indorse anything you may say rc,
garding Freedom from her mountain heights
or Starry Banner Free, or any of these
things, but to stanl up before my fellow
citizens and fan the air with tho tail of an
alpaca duster and yell my larynx loose over
alarge, irregular mass of freedom, of which
we have more than We need and don't know
where to put it or how to use it, is out Of my
line. ~
I beg leave to subscribe myself, yours In
the interest Of the great, ungifted majority,
who do the work but cannot fiuently jerk
the Roman-nosed bird of freedom.
JAMES w. BRAlKY
To Bill Nye, chairman CREASED pig and ora
ton committee Boston Globe