The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-18
WIT AND HUMOR.


which is being given in Paris Is not 10
shake hands with a man who builds
..castles in SPAIN" lest he should COM
municatc the bacillus. - Broo6tys
Eagle.
There was u brief but heated con-
test between Burlington woman and
book agent the other day. The book
agent used explosives and the woman
used hot water. Burlington (NI)
Free Press.
Little Charley-"Papa, will you buy
me drum?n Fond father-''Ah, but
my boy. you will disturb me very much
if | do Charley-"O, no. papa; l
won't drum except when you're
asleep. ''-P ittst1lrg Chronicle.
20, Emeline, come quickl The
baby's tumbled down into the cistern;
ives bin a-iishin' for him for half au
hour wild an umbreller handle and n
chunk o. sponge cake, an we can't
even Git q nibble. "-Rayper'S BaEar
In some respects u man resembles
silver coin. He can do more good by
being good than by appearing good
when he is not good. This thought
was engendered by receiving q leaden
dime in change. Huntsville (AId.)
Mercury.
Country papers are expected to puff
everything from a chIcken-fght 10 a
church-festival. and everybody from
young politician 10 4 dead man who
had his faul.s-as who has not?"-
and furnish copies OF the paper gratis.
-GalreSton (Ie1.) Nc,0s.
A Colorado man visiting an Eastern
city was attacked by Full Hand
With great presence OF mind no picked
up "A large Bluff which was growing
there. and by skillful use OF it he sue
cecded in frightening away his assail-
amt. PiHSbHrg Chronicle.
A Harvard student searched for q
leak in the gas-pipe with lighted
match. He will never do it again.
There is this 10 say in favor OF col
legiate education: When man learns
anything he learns it so thoroughly that
he never forgcts it, -BoStoA Transcript.
A Washington belle has created
something of sensation in social cir
cles by marrying q policeman. A
policeman may make quite Is good =
husband a a Congressman, but his
wife won't be able 10 find him When
she wants him. Nobody can. Nor
rtSt1UH Her0id
One of the richest men in Texas,
Ross Kennedy by name, has been sem
fenced 10 the peuitentiary for two
Years for stealing COW. He ought to
have killed somebody if he wanted to
bc a nice clean criminal, able to eX-
cite the sympathy Of 3 jury.
orleans Ptcagunc.
Why are YOU making such a fuss
over what the gossips are spreading
about youP | have heard you say Il
hundred times that you didn't care
what people thought of YOU" True,
but do care what they say about me.
80. that's an entirely different thing.
-Bostoa Transcript
Ii l. well to be exact, although the
belief may be carried too far for the
death OF young friend. \ more or
less poetical Hudson River Railroad
conductor remarked, when asked the
usual question, Her wcaried spirit
sank 10 rest ut -3:i5. railroad time. -
.Sh0t md Ledtter reporter.
You needn't pretend TO look down
on me. sir, said Il tramp 10 Il lawyer,
OF whom he was begging. well, it
seems 10 me you think you are some
body We'll. I'm just Is good as
YOU sir. solicit money If YOU, that
all % don't see but that we arc
both in The same boat-both solicitors. y
Parsou Whangdoodle Baxter OF the
Austin Blue-Light Tabernacle met jim
Webster. who wa, complaining of hard
times. etc. Whisky am dc cause oh
ali yer troubles ANA sorIers. replied
Jin's spiritual adviser. bats so,
parson. | feels mighty troubled when
hasn't got any cb hit. - Texas Sift-
tngs-
There" said Washington hotel
man. rs he read of the railway aeci-
dent aud the burning of the mails near
that city. "that accident cost me hun
dreds OF dollarsr' Got stock in the
road. 1 presumed" mo, but every
Congre ssman who is out of tho city
will swear lie sent me the amount Of
his board-bill by that mail"
MIR. Is. l.. Moody says about long
prayers III, when Peter found him
self sinking in the waves of Galilee, lie
had insisted on putting before his petit
ton. Lord. save me-. the regular
prayer-meetng roundabout introduce
ton, he would have been forty feet
under water before he could have asked
of the Lord the help he needed"
That" remarked Alexander, as he
watched the explosion of one of his
royal residences in Moscow. ''that re-
minds nue. of statue of Minerva.
'.And why. your Majesty?" deferen-
italy inquired the Lord First Groom OF
the Buckwheat Cakes. well, you
sec. it is a bust of Pallas." The court
wore tall mourning for week.
Chicago Rambler.
Country minister Ito country editor)
do you ever stop 10 consider what
death Is. Mr.. Shears? Do you realize
that we are here to-day and gone to-
morrow; that there is no knowing
what day, what an hour, may bring
forthg 10 YOU really know all that
death neans?" Country editor with
emotion) ~ ought to. Mr.. Prosypod.
My papor is full Of dead advertise
ments. IN J.. Times.
They were a North Minneapolis pair,
and we're sitting close together on the
a.