Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-11-03
NEWSPAPERS WIT.

dered it up"
IL people who mean to begin to read
should read all the advice to readers
about reading they wouldnt nave
time to read anything else.
BRowN-Did you enjoy yourself
while you were away? Green-You
bet Didn't see q blessed bill collector
the whole time.-Boston Courier.
He lin @ whisper) dearest Clara,
will YOU be my partner through life ?
She.Not much. He-All right. Now,
how about the next waltz ?-SchaIk.
"D1D you hear that Tompkins had
failed? p" sHas he? | know he has
been in bad odor for some time.
"It's all right now, for he hasn't got a
cent"
"W1cKEDNEss has it's reward" You
bet. Some years ago chicago COW
set that city on fire. Now pleuro-
pneumonia is among the COWS there.
Seer Kentuck State Journal.
BosToN GIRL-What do you think
of Emerson, Mr.. Wayoff? Mr.. w. (from
Cincinnatil. Well, Billy used to sing
pretty we'll, but he never was as funny
to me as Billy Rice or Charley Backus.
Rambler.
OLD Jew-Now Isaac, my leetle, dear
poy, you preaks de glass an runs away
mighty. quick. Den | hollers "Giass
budding, an gifts a pig job. Young
Jew-But vat will l get? Old Jew
You? Wy, you get der exercise.
ENERGY on me, Mary, where have
you been? The back of your dress Is
covered with dust. You have not
been sitting on the front doorstep, |
hope?" "No, ma; I couldn't get the
piano stool high enough, SO put the
big bible on it,"
A POLITICAL orator, speaking or
certain general whom he protested to
admire, said that on the field of bat
tie he was always found where the
bullets were thickest. "Where Was
thet?" asked one Of the auditors.
Gin the ammunition wagon" said an
other.
"Nor come and tell me, desrie,
what was the most interesting thing IN
the sermon this morning" "Why,
mamma, it was where the minister
told about somebody taking some
body else apart but he didn't tell
how it was done, nor how he was put
together again.
PAPA-e'No, my dear, I would not
wear tan-colored gloves, they do not
match your dress" His helress-
"Dear me- neither they do brighten
ing), but then, you know, papa, can
get g. dress and q wrap and bonnet
and a parasol to match the gloves. y
New York Graphic.
AN old gentleman who always took
notes Of hiE minister's sermon, on one
occasion read them to the clergyman.
ssStop, stop' said the latter, at the
occurrence OF g. certain sentence, Il
didn't say thatl" 81 know you
didn't" was the reply, 81 put that IN
myself to make sense.
GETTING his points-First Boston
ian-Before we say goodbye Eugene,
want to tell you that have become
q confirmed vegetarian. Second Bos-
tonian-How queer! So haveI. First
Bostonian-Why then, we part to
meet no more. Second Bostonlan-
Yes, but we can fish can't WEI"
His mind Observation-Disclosures (wno
has told theyoung men to bring IN an
ESSAY on an original subject -Well,
Mr.. Saunders, what have you got to-
day? Collegian (who has spent the
summer as a waiter at one OF the
mountain hotelsl-Er-roast beef,
roast pork, fish, and corned beef hash.
FRENCH wits are never tired of throw
ing hot shot at their neighbOrs across
the channel. An Englishman thus
writes to a French friend: 81 am de-
lighted at the recollection Of the pleas
ant hours [ have passed with you In
France. Ii you visit England come at
once to nv house-and [ will direct
you to very good hotel"
RECOMMENDATIONS: Dealer (pointing
out beauties OF q vicious-looklpg anil
NAL, with ears back and hind leg sus-
piciously lifted There sir. He's g.
beauty. Not another to touch him.
You lust ride him once, and you'll II never
ride another" Little Tipkins, who is
very nervous, thinks this is uncom-
monty likely, from the look Of him.
WASHINGTON woman-"We must
have the ballot. 1t is simply waste Of
time for women to try to get along
without the privilege of voting"
Concentrating, madam, you are
well provided for, | am sure. You
have nice position in one of the de-
partments What do you want vote
for?" $50 won't get turned out. p
Omaha World.
A TEMPERANCE paper says that ga
bird's-eye view from Trinity spire,
New York, would disclose 10000
saloons in sight-12, 600 in New York
and 4 900 IN Jersey City, Newark, and
Paterson" But does it suppose for
moment that anybody would befool
enough to climb to the top OF that
steeple to look for saloon ?-ShOe
and Leather Reporter.
FIRST actor-"No, have not had a
moments rest since the season
opened" Second actor-'1 rested a
wholeevening at Washington. Chow
did youget such d chance?" "Well, you
see Mrs Cleveland came to the theater,
and as no one paid any attention TO the
stage, we all went back to the hotel
and got the bell-boy to walk around
and chatter a little so they wouldn' t