The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-05-06
A Dyspeptic on Cooks.

Against all cooks, without regard to
age, sex, or previous condition of SER
vitude, / launch the anathema of a
dyspeptic man. Man began by being
carnivOrous; he has developed into a
dyspeptic vegetarian. AS savage he
was happy; on the introduction of the
frying-pan he became misanthrope.
1t would, perhaps, not be stretching q
point to say that he only became sui
cidal after the invention of boiled
dinner" Bad cookery has been at the
bottom of all the deviltry that the bu-
man race has been guilty Of 1 think
that with sufficient time L could prove
TO you that a fried cake soaked in lard
was at the bottom of Gains murder of
Abel. Talk about the cruelties of the
Roman emperors! Bosh! Dyspepsia
nothing else. The cooks spoiled the
stomachs of Nero, Commodus, vi
tellius, and those unfortunate men con-
sequently became gross and cruel, as
might have been expected. Talk of
Napoleons ambition! 1t was not for
conquest, but for cookery. He did not
lead armies from town to town, from
country to country, for gain or per-
sonal advancement. Bless you, no. He
was searching for cook. In like man.
ner bad cooking has caused all the
great movements that have occurred to
change the political geography of the
globe. 1t WASH the stamp act nor the
lack of representation that actuated
the British colonies to unloosen them
selves from Mother Britannia's apron
strings. Far from it. 1t was desire
to escape the shocking bad dinners of
John Eull. And SO on through all the
worlds history you will find cuisine in
fuencing the lives and characters of
men, for good or bad as the case may
be. The gridiron is mightier far than
the pen, and before the cookstove the
power of the printing press fades
into insignificance. The first culinary
feat was the broiling of meat and the
boiling of roots. From this to the
mysteries of the French cuisine, what
journey! And by far the greater
portion of the dishes now in vogue are
purely cultivated, and not acceptable
even to the child born after genera
tions of such feeding. Who, for
instance, really enjoys his first
cup of tea, his first sweetbread,
his first olive? But there are many
things which all men seem to like. If
man ever lived who refused good
mellow apple never knew it; nor yet
that migrate who refused broiled beef
steak And of course many kinds of
food come to be distinctively national
taste. For example, we can never abet
the Chinese in their love for the tender
end luscious rat, the Arabian in his
passion for sour bread, or admire the
Turks conglome alton of grease, and
they perhal would raise similar OBJ
lection to our stewed pumpkin. 1t has
always been matter of curiosity to me
to know what sort of dishes kings and
queens affect. Does the Car of all
the Russias sit down to dish of friz-
zled ham? Does the Queen of Great
Britain and Ireland and Empress
of India enjoy fried onions, and save
all the brownest and crackliest fried POI
tatoes till the last? OF all things to
be avoided in this world is the epicure
term how reversed from its ancient
meaningD In olden times an epicure
was a man who lived sparingly on bread
and water. Now an epicure is a man
who can distinguish one hundred kinds
of fish by the taste. -Chicdgo Nelcs.