Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1886-03-27

and SOLD him one OF our paC6ng
duplex, electric-geared, creased
| lightning, feather-weight machines
and guess what he did?r
wall, what in thunder did he
do?"
"Well, he just hitched up his two
half grown sons to our machine and
ratified down 200 acres of wheat like
fun - -
Jerusalem "
That's just what he did. Now
for beauty, let me cali your atten.
ton to the fact that our machines
are coming into use among the first
families as ornamental parlor furni-
ture instead of pianos and organs"
My y said the farmer sitting
down on a log and hopping the
perspiration off his brow with his
shirt sleeve.
Cob, but she's snorter," contin-
ued the agent, drawing forth mag
nificent circular, "she's full, jeweled,
and with diamond points on the
teeth. just look at these pictures
painted Oh the side. Finest oil
paintings on the continent, sir
Why we have two art factories in
Paris working night and day to sup
ply US with those pictures to put on
the sides of our machines. And for
light running-all you need to
do, when the ground is billy, is
to run the machine up to the top of
the hills, and let it slide down, and
it will cut us true as an arrow, and
you don't need to use horse.fesh at
all. Oh, she's hustler, tell ye."
"Great Gosh!" remarked the far
mer.
eyes," continued the agent, "and
cutw why a man over here in Lick
en- Co., who bought one of our ma
chimes got drunk and crazy like one
day, and flowed he was going to
clean off the earth !; so he rugged up
his harness, and hitched four horses
to one of our machines, and may I
be indicted simultaneously by three
Grand Juries, if he didn't cut and
bind ten acres of hazel thicket while
the fit was on him. When he was
rafting through field he ran into
pile of locust posts, and blamed if
the reaper didn't bind 'em into
sheaves. Ellis brother got back
from the city and lassoed him with
200 foot clothes line, just in time
to save ten acre patch of hickory
aid black walnut trees, which he
had just started in to cut and bind.
oh! Our machine would have
cut 'em! 1t would have cut emp
Here that makes twelve" yelled
the farmer, suddenly grabbing a
twenty pound hickory club which
lay, conviently near and gazing
fiercely into the agents face.
"Twelve what ?" gasped the as.
tonished young man, shrinking be-
meath the furious glances of the old
farmer.
"Why twelve of the biggest, cleo
tric, creased lightning, heavy weight
lies ever heard in these parts. If
You weren't too green to kill, darn
my picture if ] wouldn't BRAIN We.
Now you GIT"
The young man got without de-
lay.
The farmer chased HIM half
mile, and then gave up the pursuit.
When last seen the young man was
leaping the eight bar gates like
deer, and his tooth-pick shoes were
whistling through the air like spears.
He never had the courage to re-
turn to his employers, and stated
further that there is entirely to
much intelligence in the country on
the subject of machinery, to admit
of a man with lofty and torrid i'm
agination, and poetical feelings max
ing a success selling reapers.
He is now comfortably settled in
his old trade of selling reversible
diamond-pointed lightning rods, and
sewing machines with dish-washer
and apple parer attachments The
Cham piOn.
Bucklen's Arnica Salve.