The Irish standard., 1886-08-21
STANDARD" BREVITIES.

bCyS GOA d4"f1So SoSS oAASAA
the laundry.
Born to blush unseen-Young wome1
who paint.
The French observation-disclosures Who
ape Paris fashions.
Every female holds q dress rehearsal
for an hour before going to party.
Captain Hem ought to feel at home
in . race when he comes to che scratch
Some gardeners put their phlox IL
beds, which is more than herdsmen do
Queen Elizabeth style is expected t.
come in again about 1888. This is, i'll
deed, ruH,
When man says, ST feel like FISH
out Of water,'' he feels dry and wants
'em set up
The butcher is no gambler, but he il
always ready to steak the lucky board
ing~house Keeper.
4. grocer adyertisey something NE"
III coifee.n We are glad that beans have
had their day.
A sllopkeeper has the counter on wllach
he keeps his bathing suits labelled I'd
vers ist1scies.
II is To be hoped that after Congress
adjourns there Wilt be more swearing In
and less swearing out OF office.
1t is not y misfortune for q young lady
to lose aer good name when nice young
gentleman gives her a better one.
Where is the best place to get fat?''
asked !. thin lousakeeper of neighoor,
Sail over!'' Was the unexpected reply
81 am glad this coffee losen't owe 1ne
anytu,ng,'7 said boaraer, al the break
last. 81 don't believe it would ever set
tle.''
The; sign OF barber upon Partisan
boulevard sealls as follows: tx, ELL
ropean barber. Customers shaved Ill
every language. ="
81 a,n glad to hear George is mar
riea,'' said }s musangly; ''hut chen he
never did me any harm" he continued,
compass iohately.
A school shaver got badly licked the
other day. NVllen asked to conjugate
the vay} cam be said: ''Can, could,
wanted 10, fsnd did
Wagner composed only seven operas,
bat he put noise enough in those for any
and Ell OF the days in tie year except
the Fourth Of Ju]y.
s:Did you ever Try deal III stocks?"
asked one Burlington merchant OF arl~
other, YES WIS the sad reply, 81
have tried q deal Too much for ny
good
4 Maine man says the way To sfa.t &
nalky hcl:,e is to lead him round and
yornel until he IL dizzy. This is the
only way OF achieving dizziness ii
Maine.
It IN related Of a popular clergyman
thgs ne startled dull prayer meeting
recently by announcing that he s'did mt
propose. acting as umpire for a sleep
lug match
1[o|ooken man ia tbs most highly
n,;is),ad resident oi New Jersey. He
accidentally rnbhed his rheumatic limbs
the other day with furniture polish III
stsad OF Eminent
THE reaches 10 this house are re-
lnarlably versatile" said an actor at al
hotel table. picking up biscuit u
notice :hst they appea: III different
rolls every morning.''
4 voung friend advertised FOR & Wlfe,
his s;ster answered the advertisement,
and nos. the young man thinks there Us
No balm in advertisements, while the
old folks think it s hard to have two
fools in the family.
Mrs. Reginald Ruby {sho has been
summoned in general sessions as wit
messy IF they ask me my age, dear,
what shall I say?" Reginald: "say you
have not reached the years of discretion.
Let so my ha1r, will yon?'
4 Galveston school teacher had q
great deal Of trouble making boy 1n-
derstand his lesson, Finally, however,
he succeeded, and drawing a long breath,
remarked; IF it wasn't for NE, you
would be The biggest donkey OIL Calves
ton Island"
There are various way of ascertaining
whether 81 gun is loaded or not. but the
most popular way appears to be to blow
down the na1zzle, at the same time
pressing the hammer back with the foot.
The coroner keeps the statistics Of this
,+v1o ~ iuvasf1ratlOO