The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1886-10-05
MY FRIEND, THE MAJOR.
The Truth Not in Him, Yet All
Loved Him.

Do you know my friend, the Mayor?
He is rare bird. He is an Optimisi
on principle, and a liar because he can't
help it. To know the Mayor is lib
eral education at least, so far as the fine
art of prevarication is concerned. The
Major first attracted my attention dur
ing the war. He was exempted from
service on account of some Sight diSa.
bility, but as soon as hostilities opened
he announced his attention of joining
the army. He made no secret of his
determination even to strangers.
Whenever he saw a crowd of able
bodied young men he would introduce
himself, congratulate them upon their
manifest ability to serve their country
in the field, and wind up with the
statement that, although a cripple him.
self, he did not propose to be cheated
out of his share of the glory, and was
then making his arrangements to GO to
the front
The effect of this kind of talk may be
imagined. In those days every body
was patriotic or nothing. Many a
timid man was made SO ashamed of
himself by the Majors devotion TO the
Confederacy that he principitately vol
unteered and marched off with a mus
ket on his shoulder. All through six
ty-one and sixty-two this gallant pa,
triot gave himself up to this work.
Finally it began to draw upon us that
he was losing good deal of time, and
missing all the fighting right straight
along. Something OF the sort was
limited to him, but he promptly silenced
all criticism. He had been delayed by
so many things, he said. First, he had
intended to join Colonel Blank regi-
ment, but the Colonel was killed, and
that caused him TO change his plans.
He had found it difficult to decide be-
tween the infantry, cavalry and artil-
lery branches of the service. He also
thought of the navy, and at that very
time was waiting to hear from a certain
Admiral who was an old friend.
After hearing these voluble explana-
tons, men would wink significantly at
each other, but they kept their suspi-
cions to themselves. 1t was useless to
make war on the Major. He was hand
in glove with the authorities, and the
women were all on his side. The sac
rifice which he proposed to make in
going into the army, in spite of the
exemption, stirred the feminine heart,
and so much was said about it that
scores of men less fit for duty than the
Major found themselves unable to stand
the pressure. They rushed off to the
army, but the Major still fingered at
home.
During the siege of Atlanta my old
friend made himself very useful, and ]
think hurried up matters not little.
He attached himself to flag of truce
party one day, and although present as
a citizen he wore an officers coat. He
strolled about. got left by his party,
aud was picked up by the Federals as q
spy. He was so defiant, so voluble and
so bright that he was carried before
General Sherman. In the presence of
this terrible commander the Major did
not abate one jot of his natural dignity.
He explained his position satisfactorily,
and in response to the questions put TO
him said that Atlanta was defended by
60, 900 men; that General Hood had 200
big guns, unlimited ammunition. and
all the supplies he needed. The garri-
sob, he said, would be reinforced by
10000 militia from the South Atlantic
States inside of ten days. To make
him stop his everlasting jaw, Sherman
ordered him to be escorted to the Con-
federate lines.
AS soon as the Major got back to the
city, he was interviewed by every body,
from General Hood down to the news
boys. To all these searchers after
truth the Major was gracious and COM
municative. He said that Sherman S
force, at moderate estimate, amounted
to 40, 900 men, and $4,000 more were
on the way. He had seen 800 heavy
siege guns placed in position, and had
learned that il was the programme to
open fire on the city with all of them
In forty-eight hours. He had also seen
brass band with instruments costing
$4,000. This band had just arrived
from Washington and had been sent
for to furnish the music when Sher-
man made his grand entry into the
CITY.
Looking back to those days, / can
easily see that the Majors fearful
yarns must have driven both Sherman
and Hood nearly crazy. Both Gener-
ais made some very eccentric move
ments soon afterwards, and my old
friend was doubtless responsible for
the whole business. After losing sight
of this amiable parsonage for nearly a
score of years, L found him some time
ago comfortably established in small
town, not hundred miles from here.
Time had dealt gently with him. He
was rotund and rosy. and his face wore
q rarnatusl smile I eoeapfod an iDyj-