The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1886-11-02
Mon who Write for the Paper.
By BILL NYE

papers ! Sn quite an old man. ana have
written my kindly words OF advice to the
Press for many years. am the friend OF
The public and the guiding star Of the
American newspaper. / point out the
proper course for nevly-elected mem
Der of Congress. and show the thoughtless
editor the wants Of the people. / write on
the subject q political economy. Also on
both sides OF the paper Sometimes /
write on both sides Il the question. When
I do S. I write over the name Of Tax
payer. -sbut NY real name Is Yeritas.
am the man who first suggested the
calvert AL the jim street crossing. so that
wster would run of toward the pound after
% ram. With my ready pen-ready and
tra2claut, also, ss l may say have in
ay poor weak way suggested great
many things which might otherwise have
remained for many years unsuSgested. /
am the man who annually calls for cele
hratiln Of the 9Th Of July IN our little
town. and asks fcr some young elccuuon-
Is. u be selected by the committee, whose
duty Il shall be TO read the Declaration Of
Independence. IN q shrll voice. 10 those
who yearn 10 be thrilled through and
through with patriotism
DID not speak through the columns
of the Press, II clarion tones. for q proper
observance Of our nations great natal day
in large Gothic extended caps. the nations
starry banner would remain furled and
t1e creased pig would continue to crouch
81 hrs lair. With the aid Of my genial CO
workers. Taxpayer" .-0ld Settler" ~0ld
Subscriber Constant Reader" L. L.
See, Far Play" and Mr.. Pro Bono Pub
Ice" [ have made the world far more
desirable place ID which 10 live than it
would otherwise have been
Nv colaborer. Mr.. Taxpayer. Is an old
contributor to the paper. but he Is not
really q taxpayer. He uses this signature
IN order 70 conceal his identity. Just as /
Use the name Xeritas. We have a great
deal Of fun over this az our regular an
lual reunions, where we talk about all Of
aur affairs.
Old Settler Is q young tenderfoot who
came here last spring. and tired 70 obtain
g livelihood by selling an iadestrucuble
llmn-chimney. He did well for several
weeks tv going 70 the different residen
ces and throwing one Of his glass chin
news on the floor with considerable force.
- show that 1t would not break. He did
a god business till one day he made e
mistake. Instead Of getting hold Of the
exL bition chimney. he picked ont one Of
the stock and busted It beyond recogni-
tiOu. Since that lie has been writing ar
ticles in violet INK relative 70 old times.
and publishing them over the signature
of Old Settler.
Old Subscriber Is 3 friend Of mine who
reads his paper at the hotels while wait
ing t5r q gratuitous drink. Fair Play Is
5 retired monte man. and Pro Bono Pub
liso i our genial and urbane undertaken.
1 90 very prolific writer, but all my
work Is not printed. a venal and corrupt
Press az times heSltates about giving cur
rancy 20 such fearless earnest truths as l
make use Of am also the man who says
brave things IN the columns Of the papers
when the editor himself does not care 10
say them because he Is afraid be viii be
killed But what racks Neritas, the bold
ana free Does be finch or quail
Nc. q finch not 8 quail Bold
Is he filings aside his base fears, and
with bitter vituperatiOn he assails those
lie dishkes. and attacks with resounding
blows his own personal enemies. fearleSsly
signing his name, Yeritas, to the article.
50 that those who yearn 10 Kill him may
know lust VINO he Is.
What would the world do without Yeri-
tss2 In the hands Of horde Of journal
ISIS who have nothing TO do but to attend
70 their business. left 10 no anonymous
friend 70 whom they can fly when momen-
tons occasions arise. when the sound ad-
wee and better judgment Of an outside
friend i needed. their condition would.
indeed be q pitable one. But he viii never
desert Is. He i ever al hand. prompt to
say. over his lrEi Gs ullis which he might
hesitate 10 say. over his right name, for
fesr that be might 90 home with a battle
II Gettysburg under each eye. and nose
ike z volcano eruption. He cheerfully at
tacks everything and everybody. and then
goas away til the fight the funeral. and
the libel suit are over. Then he returns
and assails the grim monster, Wrong. He
proposes improvements. and the following
week bitter reply comes from Taxpayer.
Pro Bono Publico; the retired three card
m1ntaist. says: Let Us have the pro
posed improvement, regardless OF cost
Then the synical Z. L. See who Is really
the janitor II the blind asylunl gTumbles
about useless expense, and finally draws
ont from the teeming brain of Constant
Reader a long habby essay. written on
re5-rule3 leaves. cut ont Of a old meat
market ledger. written economically on
both sides with hght-blUe ink made of
bluing and cold tea. The essay intro
duces, under the most trying circumstan
ces, such crude yet original little gems
as
wl5 some rorsr the CITIES Eie Is, &c
He also says.
Inc wee snl- Eozrs zyozs tie tWal-
HIS essay Is not so much the vehicle Of