The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-28

A HIGH stepper-the nght-rope
walker.
AwpuLLY swell thing in hats--a
dudes head the morning after bat"
A CANAL horse should never be hard
M. He can always draw on the bank.
THE scientist who said salt was in
! furious to tne teeth never had his foot
bit off by ninety year-old shark
Maverick.
SCOOP gracious" said the hen when
she discovered porcelain egg on the
nest. II shall be brick-layer next
Boston Bulletin.
The Boston girl doesn't say. Lets
skip the gutter" She remarks, Let
us suddenly overleap the marginal de-
preston of the public thoroughfare.
WASHINGTON IRVING once said to
lady friend: Don't teach your daugh-
ters SO many things; teach them one
thing; teach them to be easily pleased
Judging from the specimens OF hus-
bands acquired by numerous young
ladies', too many mothers have followed
Irving's advice.
In some parts of Africa it is the Gus
tom for a woman to knock out her front
teeth as soon as she is married. In
this country it sometimes happens that
a woman. soon after she is married, has
this dental operation performed by her
husband, in q discussion to decide
which shall run the house. -NOrris-
to,C7l Herald.
CART is wonderful thing. The paint
or Rubens could change the face OF
laughing child into that of crying
child by q couple of dashes with his
brush" said an Austin lady to Pro-
lessor of the University Of Texas.
"rhere is nothing wonderful about
that. i can do that with one we'll
directed cut of peach switch; I've
done it time and time again." replied
the Professor of the Texas kindergar-
ten.-Teras Sitings.
SoPHRoNIA: "What is q pessimist?"
A pessimist is q man who growls when
the meat is overdone, growls when it is
underdone, growls when it Is neither
over nor underdone, ard cannot see any
thing good in the world except when
he is looking In his mirror. 10 your
other question, Nv hat is an optimist?"
we reply that he is whoie-souled.
jolly-but call In and see us in person
some day: we don't charge anything to
be looked at.-BOstOn Courier.
SURE ENOUGH.
why should the spirit N mortal be sad ??
The optmist asked with sigh
why should the spirit of mortal be glad?"
The pessimst asked. in reply.
Boston Gazette
SIR JOHN LUBBOCK says that ants
have means of recognizing each other
not easily explained. The recognition
is immediate and complete, even after
an absence of year from the nest"
The recoe milton in human families is
not quite so immediate. For instance:
when al aunt poor aunt-from the
country visits a city nest occupied by
rich relatives, after an absence of only
six months, she is not recognized so
suddenly and impulsively as to make
her feel other than an unwelcome
stranger -Norristo,Cn Herald.
"OH, GAwGE" "Yes, darling" Il
fear, oh, fear that my parents will OPP
pose our marriage" What makes you
think SOP" why, you know, Gawge,
ma thinks you're fiirt. She saw You
poking the fire in the CRATE last night,
and she said you did it too WELL She
said no young man had that twist of
the wrist who didn't sit up with O good
many girls regularly. Oh, Gawge, are
you deeeiving me?" "Deceiving you?
Nawl / got that twist when / went into
the restaurant business-opening oys-
tiers. / am all yours, Angelina. "Oh,
Gawgei'-ChicGgo Black Diamond.
TOO COMMON FOOL.
There is man in cur town
Who wasn't very wise;
For twenty long and weary years
Did he econonnize.
For twenty years he wore old clothes
And toiled with might and main,
And starved and walked and often froae.
And suffered many pain.
For twenty years did he deny
Himself the joys of life
And all his self-inficted woes
Were shared by his good wife,
In twenty years his wife and he
Had saved enough tospend
Their few remaining days in peace
With plenty to attend.
And then this man, like other fools,
To Wall street went gay
With what he'd saved Tor twonty years
And lost it in day.
H. G. Dodge
you are going into the lecture field,
thew tell me?" "Yes, i think some of
doing son "Haye Won, aver had anv