Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-10-31

A minister made sn interminable call upon
a lady Of lis acquaintance. Her little daugh-
ter, who Was present, grew weary Of his con-
versation, and whispered in an audible key:
Don't he bring his amen with him, mammal
San Francisco Call
A farmer sent 81 for a lightning potato bug
killer, which he saw advertised in a paper,
and received by return mail two blocks of
wood, with directions printed on as follows:
Take this block, which is No l. in the right
hand, place the hug on No. 2, and press them
together. Remove the bug, and proceed as
before. Hudson a. Y Register.
Piton. late private in the marines, who has
recently returned from Tonquin with wooden
leg, called the other day on his friend Guibol-
lard, who exclaimed with his wonted fervor:
Brave warriors, thanks to you France has
now one foot in the remote east" Right
you are, replied Piton, twas I who left it
there. Vie Parisienne.
The girls will ne pleased with uniform
marriage law if the uniform is pretty and
there is man in it.-Pittsburgh Dispatch.
A coal stove is n cast iron paradox. Il
wont burn unless you put it up, and then it
wont burn unless you shake it down.-Dans-
vile Breeze.
Fashion has many times decided to sit
down on the hustle, but it still holds its own,
and is bigger than ever.-New Orleans Pic
ayune.
Now that the oleomargarine has been
shelved we propose to start crusade against
oleomilkerine.-San Francisco Alta
1t is very mOrtifying for a young man to
ask for girls hand and receive her fathers
fOot.-Lowep Citizen.
After all it may turn out that the only
honest butter is the goat.-New Age.
A phrenologist says that fulness under the
eye denotes language. The phrenologist
must have run across man who told some
body else he lied.-Drake's Magazine.
"Brown as a berry" is sn alliterative chest
nut that should be shelved Berries are not
brown, but red-East End Bulletin This is
especially true Of black berries Pittsburg
Dispatch.
Some men are born hogs, some achieve
hoggishness, and some never learn TO chew
tobacco at alL-Dansville Breeze.
When a couple are about to elope the
young man asks: docs your mother know
your routel'-Cincinnah Commercial Ga
zette.
A correspondent asks: "Is it wrong to
cheat a lawyerr First cheat the lawyer,
and then we will answer the conundrum-
Providence Telegraph.
at is q cold day when there are no Indians
on the warpath, says an exchange. True,
they always surrender in the faIl-Omaha
World.
Archibald Forbes has met niue different
kings and queens, but when be walks up to =
peanut stand with his nickel he gets no bet
ter measure than those of US who have simply
gazed on the coat tail buttons Of United
States senator.-Detroit Free Press.
Gen. Guitar is running for congress in
Missouri, and Fiddler Taylor is after the
governors chair i'll Tennessee. We trust that
Governor Drum will step forward, if he
wants anything, and let us have concert Of
action.-Macon GA Telegraph.
There is said to be volcano in New Zea-
land that sings out mud All it needs is an
editor in chief and an office towel to become
regulation campaign organ.-Burlington
Free Press.
Our Yankee friends could not capture
Charleston during the war, but they have
done it now. 1t is a city that had to be
shaken before taken.-Macon Telegraph.
A naturalist has satisfied himself beyond
doubt that the average cat travels distance
of eighty miles every night. Then it must be
the other cat that sits on the back fence sew
eral hours every night, loudly complaining of
the high taxes or something
Herald.
A western editor in referring to an es-
teemed contemporary says: "His slanderous
soul is imbued with the electric fire Of he'll;
his black heart emits sulphurous fumes, till
his whole nature is absorbed in one homoge-
neous mass of hellishness." There's brilliant
and varied talent for yo'. showing that the
true journalist is born, --ot made A man
might attend the Yale college school Of jour
nalism 250 years and not learn to write that
way.-Exchange