Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1886-08-20
LIGHTS IND SHADOWS.

VOL. a. NO.I
LIGHTS IND SHADOWS.
EDITOR CUTTING says that if he is released he
win take the lecture field! That settles it. Mex
leo can now have her own way in this matter, and
we don't know but she has been altogether too
lenient to meet the ends of justice.
A NEWSPAPER in paying compliment to
knight of the faber, recently said: His especial
forte is in pleasant paragraphs on persons and
things" This means, of course, that he writes of
persons as well as of that which fails to pay it's
subscription. r.s ...
THE reward of female talent and fame: Rose
Elizabeth Cleveland has edited Chicago Literary
Life three weeks and it has suspended publica-
ton. Miss Rose need never want for a situation
now. We have an enemy in the business and
will pay her fabulous salary any day she wants
to go to work on his paper. .aa,
HE WAS gay Montana man, right from the
mouth of the gulch. He slapped his hand on his
"A calibre, cooked his sombrero on the back of
his head and asked to be introduced to some of
the bold and fearless men who are assisting ia
bor' in its fight against capital. He was accord
1ngly presented TO Mr.. POWderly,
''Powderly, the d-l!" shouted the stranger.
Where's Dynamitely or Bomberly? I want to
see some of your thoroughbreds. I've been
dealin' in powder and lead for twenty years my
self and now want to meet somethin' stronger.
Trot in yer police eaters, till size 'em up!"
The telegraph announces that Joseph Kessler,
of Huron, who was recently shot is still alive
with the bullet in his BRAIN" Let us ask if Mr..
Kessler is South Dakota politician. If he is,
the item should read as follows: Mr.. Kessler is
still alive, with the bullet in his HEAD; or, Mr.
Kessler stills lives with the bullet inside of his
skull;' Or 'Mr. Kessler is living with the bullet
in the vacuum surrounded by his skull" Cor
wording Of their dispatches. Nj. Kessier may not
be South Dakota politician, but the fact that
bullet was shot into his head without striking
any vital organ, is strong evidence in support of
the theory. -5
DREAMS, SWEET DREAMS.
Illustrating the rapidity of thought the St.
Paul Globe publishes the stories of two men who
were sleeping together. With their heads just
poorly adjusted. It fell breaking the ' glass son On
the faces of the men and awakening both from
slumber. Both dreamt ct the same moment-one
through the car window, the other, that he was
being buried alive. and that just as he was about
to be lowered into the grave he broke the glass
1t may seem strange, very strange, but Bis
marck man had a similar experience on the very
same night. The transom fell and the glass
crashed down upon his face and head. At that
moment he dreamt that his wife had returned from
the east and was giving him q curtain lecture
with glassware accompainment for his extreme at
her absence. And we'll bet a new hat against an
old suspender that his dream was perfectly re-
liable.
Whose aim is always trusty?
Whose gun is never rusty?
Who kills the greatest number of fine birds?
Who has the strongest muscle
For fight or friendly tussle.
And never wastes his breath in idle words?
Who wins at ball and bowling,
1s great at nine-pin rolling
And carries off the palm at counting cash?
Who leaps and jumps the highest,
At repartee is ''fyest,''
And breaks the billiard records all to smash?
Who laughs at fire and danger,
Ito fear is always stranger
Delights in knocking giants stiff and cold?
Who never lost battle?
Whom can you never rattle!
Who captures every medal of bright gold?
He's the blossom of the prairie, the daisy of the
dell;
His residence is Bismarck and his name is Billy
Bell
WHERE MUSIC is SWEET.
Charles Woods the young man sentenced to be
hanged and now incarcerated in the jail in this
city, is somewhat of musician, and Sunday
evening last as the visitors entered the Jail he
of his fellow prisoners were shortening the weary
doomed musician looked wistfulIIy. out 81 6is
asked for more. He responded promptly with
the ''Devips Dream to which the prisoners beat
time with their feet and clapped their hands for
Bird" which was very artistically rendered, and
as the visitors were about to compliment him he
placed the little instrument to his mouth. gazed
air. This he played in tremulous, quivering mu-
sic, the tones swelling and signing like the
voice of an imprisoned soul. The musician's
gaze gradually moved away from the visitors. un:
til his face could not be seen; his frame quivered
and every nerve seemed vibrating with the beau
W hee treble:
rolled in, like the sobbing of aTiver OF sorrow
while the minor keys spoke sadly, as the thr1b.
the music stole out through the iron bars into the
quiet evening air. beside it the laughter of child"
rem seemed harsh, and the evening church bells
his dingy cell was playing Home, Sweet Home, .
and as the visitors moved out into the open air
his were not the only eyes that dropped.
wIFE's REASON.
Mr.. Jollyboy had just returned to his home for
the night, and while exchanging his boots for his
slippers he stumbled, and would have fallen te
the floor but for the table which he struck with
his arm. His wife eyed him suspiciously, coughed
and ''hemmed" significantly, and attempted tc
get around in front of him to smell his breath
He acted perfectly sober from this time until he
began to read. He began by reading
'.Sir Michael Hicks Beach took the oath as CHIEF
secretary for Ireland to-day"
"Mr. Jollyboyw exclaimed his watchful wife
suspiciously, II cannot stand this much longer
Last night you promised me faithfully that you
would not drink again this year, and here the
first night you break .....
'Why, my dear, what do you mean? I pledge
you my word and honor, I have not touched 6
drop to-day" and the husband looked with utter
amazement at his upbraiding wife. -.
Read that item about Michael Beach sgain!'
demanded the wife, thinking that he guarded
himself in COMPENSATION.
Jollyboy reads: "Sir Michael Hicks Beach
'Stop there! Stop therer' screeched Mrs. Jol
lyboy, she fell back in Mysteries; Tell me you
haven't been drinking you red-eyed wretch
when you come home and stagger over the chair.
and can't read the paper without hiccoughine
like sot!" and the enraged Mrs. JollyboI
rushed into the bedroom to weep away her grief
Then Jollyboy went ont and hired the minister