The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1886-06-20
BILL NYE ON SLEEP.
The Humorist's Ideas in Regard to
~ the Essential.

! sleep, under favorable circumstances
is great boon. Sleep, If natural and
undisturbed. is surely as useful as any
other scientific discovery. Sleep,
whether administered at home or
abroad. under the soporifc influences
OF an underpaid preacher or the un-
yielding cellar door that is used as a
blanket in the sleeping car. is harm
less dissipation and cheerful rela1a-
ton.
Let me study man for the first hour
after he has Weakened, and 1 will Judge
him more correctly than / would to
watch HIM all winter in the Legislature.
We think We are pretty well acquainted
with our friends, but We are not thor
oughly conversant with their peculiari-
| ties until we have seen them wake up in
the morning.
IhHve often looked at the men l meet
anu thought what a shock IL must be TO
the wives of some OF them 10 wake up
and see their husbands before they have
had time TO prepare, and while their
minds are still chaotic.
The first glimpse of large, fat man.
whose brain has dropped down behind
his ears. and whose whs ely breath wan
'iers around through the catacombs
his head aud then emerges from his
noSIrils with a shrill snort like the yelp
of the damned, must be charming pic
iure for the eye of q delicate ana beau
tifui second wife; one who loves to look
Oh green meadows and glorious land
Shapes; one who has always Weakened
witn g song and a ripple of laughter
that fell on her fathers heart like a
shower of sunshine in the sombre green
OF the valley.
IL is a pet theory of mine that to be
pleasantly wakened is half the battle
for the day. II we could be wakened
by the refrain OF joyous song. instead
OF having our teeth Knocked out by
one of those patent pillow-shsm hold
ers that sit up on their hind feet at the
head OF the bed, until we dream that
We are just about to enter Paradise and
have just passed our competitive ex-
animation. and which then swoop down
and mash us across the bridge of the
nose. there would be less insanity in our
and and death would be regarded more
IN the light of calamity.
When YOU waken a child do il in a
plea>ant wav. DO not take him by the
ear and pull HIN ont OF bed 1t is dis
agreeable for the child. and Injuries the
general tout ensemble of the ear. Where
children 90 to sleep with tesrson their
cheeks and are Weakened by the yowl of
dyspepuc parents. they have a pretty
good excuse for crime in after years.
II / sat on the bench in .uch cases I
would mitigste the sentence.
IL is a genuine pleasure for me to
wake up good natured child in good
natured way. Surely il II better from
those dimpled lids 10 chase the sleep
with esress than 20 knock out slum-
Der with harsh word and a bed Stat.
No one should be suddenly Weakened
from a sound sleep. A sudden aking
r-verses the magnetic. currents. and
makes the hair pull. 70 borrow sn ex-
preston from Dante. The awaking
should be natural, gradual, and deliber-
ate.
A sad thing occurred last summer on
an. Omaha train. II was very warm
iay. and IN the smoking car n fat man,
Sith a magenta fringe of whiskers over
his Adams apple, and hight, ecru
lambreQuin OF real camel's hair around
the suburbs of his head, might have
been discovered.
He could have opened his mouth
wider perhaps, but not without injur-
ing the handspring of his neck and turn
ing his epie lottis out Of doors.
He was asleep FF
He was not only slumbering. but be
was putting the earnestness and pas
sionste devotion of his whole being into
it. HIS shiny. oilcloth grip. with the
roguish tip of discarded collar Just
peeping out at the SIDE. was up in the
iron wall pocket ofthe car. He also
hsd. in the seat with him, a mark
basket full of misfit lunch and a two
bushel bag containing extra apparel.
On the -four he had a crock OF butter
with ccPy OF the PunkvIile Palladium
and StOeE Gro,rer's Guardian over the
top.
lie slumbered on in a rambling sort
of q way, snoring all the time IN mon
syllabies. except when he Enormously
swallowed his tonsils. and then he
would struggle awhile ard get black in
the face, while the passengers vain'y
hoped that he had strangled. Il
While ne Was thus slumbering, with
all the eloQuence and enthusiasm OF a
man in the full meridian of life. the
train stopped with q lurch. and the
brakeman touched his shoulder.
Heres your town." he said. I'VE
only stop 4 minute. You'll have to
hustle"
b fne man who had been far avav.
wrestling with Morpheus. bad removed
his hat and boots, and when he swoke-
his feet absolutely refused to 60 back
into the same quarters.
AT frst be, looked around reproach-
fully Al the people IN the car. Then he
reached mp and got his oilcloth grip from
the bracket. The bsg was tied together
with q string and as be took IL down,
the string united. Then We all discos
cred that this man bad been on the road
for a long time, with no object. appar-
emily, except TO evsde IsuBdries. All
kinds of articles fell out in the aisle /
remember seeing a chest-proiector and
a lineu coat, a slab of seal rowD GIN
ger ad and a pair of stogs boots. q
hsir brush and q bOlogns sausage, Il
plug OF tobacco and porous plaster.
He gathered up what he could in
both arms, made two trips 10 the door
and threw out al he could. tried again
70 put his number eleven feet into his
n0niber nine boots. gsve IL up and
socked himself ont Of the car as IL be-
gan to move. while the brakeman bonn
barded HIM through the window for
two miles with personal property. gro
n -