Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1886-06-22
Your Uncle Samuel.


lfecks SUM-
The attention Of the whole world
has been called more than once in
last ten years, to the very poor health
of "your uncle Samuel" j. Tilden.
The people have wanted him for
president, but when he was about to
come TO the front, some eminent
newspaper or statesman would dis
cover that your uncle Samuel was OH
the verge Of the grave, and practi-
cally no good, and the names Of Sey-
mour, Hancock, Mcclellan and other
healthy statesmen were brought for
ward to take the place Of your uncle
Samuel, The fact that Mr.. Tilden
went right along about his business,
practicing law, managing railroads,
iron mines, giving earnestly solicited
advice to business men and politi-
clans, and doing six mems work be-
sides handling his own immense cap
itsl successfully, has seemed TO some
as an evidence that he was pretty
well, thank you, but whenever the
people began to yearn for him to
take public position, the same
newspapers and statesmen would
prove conclusively that your uncle
Samuel was on his last legs. One
by one the healthy statesmen and
soldiers who pitied your uncle Sam
uel, have crossed the dark river, and
the sage still lives and grows young
er, notwithstanding his immense
business cares, and his alleged pa
ralysis. Garfield fell by the hand of
all assassin, but your uncle Samuel
remained as well as could be expect
ed. Grant, who was the picture of
health, when everybody was worry
ing over TildCn, suffered enough to
kill fifty men, and finally died at the
nations arms, as it were, mourned
by all, and your uncle Samuel con-
tinued to take his rations with one
eye partially closed. Hancock, who
was nominated for President, because
your uncle Samuel was not quite
well, sickened and died, while the
newspapers said Tilden was a perfect
wreck physically. George b. Nc
| Clellan, the healtlicst man in the
East, who was being saved to be
elected president after the other cam
didatCs died oil, fell dead suddenly
and gave 10 sign, and your feeble un-
Gle Samuel picked flowers from his
conservatory to place on the bier of
his young friend. Iloratio Seymour,
who was considered much healthier
man than your uncle Samuel, and
Hendricks, who always felt as though
he was the youngest and smartest,
land ought TO have headed the
'Uld ticket" on account of Tilden's
weakness, have died and gone to
heaven, while your uncle Samuel
remains kitteny enough to flirt with
tho actresses who have houses near
his own OH the Hudson. The great
John Kelly, who made the bitterest
fight on ridden, and showed a con-
vention conclusively that your uncle
Samuel could not possibly live to BIZ
inauguraled if elected and that the
convention was liable to hear of Til
denis death even before it adjourned
, has passed in his chips, and drawn
out of the game, leaving your uncle
Samuel the healthiest man i'll the
! Union, enjoying himself by working
Z harder than any of the young men
l These statistics show that you cam
/ most always tell, and that it is no
e safe to figure Oh death until it get
1 there. The Sun hopes some day tt
see Mr.. Tilden president of thu
United States, but there is no hurr!
about it. There is time enough afteI
Cleveland shall have had his expert
J. enCe and Carlisle and Bayard ant
Randall and Villas, and oil the boy
} have had term or two. But afte
d they haye all served as president, an,
had their ambition satisfied, and Their
seems TO be no other candate ayaila
bic, The Sun will insist that your un
Gle Samuel be nominated. 1t may b
twenty or thirty years from now, bu
:. when the time comes, the first maj
:. who gets up and makes any inccn
! diary remarks about the poor heatl
of your uncle Samuel will be Inur
dered in cold blood, and The SUI
:, man, If alive then, will do it. Civ
: the old man a chance.