Morning journal and courier., 1886-07-27
IA L K S.

A Sharpsburg man calls his wife Money,
 I because "Money talks" you know.-Pitts-
 burg Chronicle.
 Edward F. Weston has walked 63, 500
 | miles since 1868, but he doesn't seem to
 1 have got very far away.-Burlington Free Press.
 A little girl, who was much petted, said
 1 ''I like sitting on gentleman's knee better
 | than on ladies'; don't you, mamma"-Home
 | Journal.
 A little child once asked his mother the
 question: "Mother, what part of heaven do people go to who are good, but not agreed | bleH'-Christian Advocate. The reason so many men relapse ints l drunkenness again after a temporary reform ation is because they attract so much less at tention sober than when drunk. Their van ity is touched. Siftings. It is bad enough when young mans sis | ter takes his high hat when going for a horseback ride, but when she calmly appro- priates his base ball mask for hustle, she trifles with a brothers love.-Puck. E'Ohl if my creditors were only like my sins," exclaimed MT. Brown to his wife. HWhy. my dear2' ''Because my creditors call and catch me every day, but my sins always find me out."-Springfeld Home stead.
 "What paper should you think would sell best at the summer resorts, MT. Spicera" asked one of the boarders. "Fly paper," said Seth, making a vicious dab at the place which his back hair former ly occupied. Commercial Bulletin. Clara (Bobby's big sister)-I heard father calling you little while ago, Bobby. Bobby-Did he say Robert or Bobbys Clara-He said Robert. l Bobby (with serious look in his eyes Then guess I had better see what he wants. -Harper's Bazar.
 Dr. Gimlet returns empty handed from a days hunting, and in response to his wife's inquiries, candidly confesses that he killed nothing. "Why," retorts Mrs. G. slowly, ''you could have done better than that had you stayed at home and attended to your 1 regular business. Lowell Citizen. "Armand:-"Come fly with me- implore you!' Camille:-"Never, sir; you insult mel" Armand:-'fWhat? you will not go?' Ca mille:-"I will resist you with all the strength of my woman's nature. If you would tear me fl om this place, you must first drug me bottle of chloroform on the bureau over there. Rambler.
 'Do you go to school my son!" "Yes, sir'' 'sWhat do you learn!'' ''Dont learn nawthin'." "You do not learn anything! Why not!' 'tDon't have to. School trustees dead stuck on the directors daughter, direc- tors clean gone on the young school marm, all Iuo ScuOOI udfln 5 udSueu Ou one OI Iue big boys. You bet we don't have to learn nawthin'. ."-Burdette in Brooklyn Eagle. It was refreshing to note the action with which the dog shot down the stoop and across the lawn to catch the cat who stood inverted like horseshoe by the fence. AS l she didn't move, the dog got her. Perhaps,
 gentle reader, you think the dog caught her in his teeth, but he didn't. He was an ee- centric dog. He caught her in his eyes both eyes at once And after the flying fur settled down on the landscape, the dog crawled under the piazza, and in the holy hush and cobwebs of the place vowed that never again would he undertake to mop the earth with cat without first putting on 8 pair of goggles.-Puck.