Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1886-11-13

A Marvellous Invention for Domestic use-Ho
To Find the KFNhoIe.

A Marvellous Invention for Domestic tse-How
to Find the KFNhOIe.
The latest genius who has applied for a
patent, says the Washington correspondent
OF the ST Paul Dispatch, Is the man who has
invented what IL known a. "The Married
Mans Indicator" 1t Is wonderful, sensi-
tive arrangement OF the ordinary thermom-
eter IN convenient pocket size, and IL graded
TO scale OF cabalistic marks, which show the
exact state OF tho domestic atmosphere at
any hour OF the night The hard worked
and belated husband arrives home say about
midnight. He stakes out the indicator, thrusts
II in the keyhole, and lets it remain there a
few seconds. Pulling It out quickly he scans
the dial by the moonlights htiul cleaning.
III II marks "S. A." (sOund asleep, the poor
husband pulls OIL his boots nOiseessly, uses
the night key with baled breath, gives the
door quick pull to keep it from creaking,
steals trembling to bed, and when his dear
wiley wakes up about two seconds aiterward
and wants to know how long he has been
home he is sound asleep. If the indicator
scores "a. A. G., Il. ID. h, W. t. awake,
awful cross, but does not know what time IL
Is, the husband puts few more grains of
coffee In his mouth, opens the door boldly
and walks in with a slam. bang air, hits his
boots Intentionally against a chair, and wants
to know why the devil chairs don't keep out
OF his way, gets desperately mad on general
principles, scares his wife clean out OF her
crossness and curtain lectures, refuses TO let
her get up and strike q matCh-n6ver did like
light at night nOhOW-rernarks grullly in
response to a timid query that "it's about
twenty minutes after ten, - and then turns 10
oed with such an apparent awful state OF
mind that the wife Of his bosom is afraid
to speak To him, al which he - very sad, Of
course.
There are other marks ON tho indicator
showing lust where IL Will do 10 play the
"lOdge dodge" or the ''sick friend" or "been
81 "a M Itr
for more than an hour" or general OF hon
orabie this or that from you know where was
In town aud had 10 go away on the o'clock
train, and he Insisted so strongly that the
whole party stayed up To see him Oft, al
though he was great bore, and We only
did II through courtesy" But the most aw-
fui OF all the caballstiC signs on the dial IL the
one at the top, about two lusrk above boiling
point
When the weary husband comes home
about a. IN, from tho direction OF the
butcher shop with roll Ui meat held high
in the air SO that every one who passes can
not fail to see II, and Sticks the Indicator in
the keyhole, he is almost too weak To draw
1t out. With hair on ends he reads it by the
faint light streaming in upon nim from over
the eastern hills, and sweat breaks out upon
his noble brow in drops as large As walnuts
as he sees tho bulb OF the indicator damned
smack up against ~, ii. >. W. i. \. /. T.
d., cred hot, still waiting tor you inside the
dooE) The Inventor OF the instrument says
that when man has this terrible misfortune
to oyeTtako him, he ieUls that there IL nothing
left in lie worth living tor
lie sings the meat out into the yard and
braces himself foe tho coming Tray, but says
nothing, tor nothing can be said. Be he ever
so gllted liar his accomplishment IL more
than valueless. No lodge, no sick friend, nc
talking on the corner, no sitting up to see the
general of, no swearing that he Will never dc
It sgain--in TACT, nothing will prevail, Ii is
an Indciensible case.
lie Is caught. Even the ghastly gsyety with
which two hours previous he had said 10 The
boys he guessed he would sec il out, "migh
~ well be killed for sheep as a lamb" hac
all vanished. The indicator having told hiu
the exact state OF things, he knows exactly
what TO do, and that is nothing but get In bee
at once and wrap the dTapJry OF his Coucl
about him, pull the pillow over his ears, anG
wait for his wite's breath 90 give out Ir'
awful while IL lasts, but It has rs use in Te
heving the unfortunate husband of his grea
load OF anxiety. The indicator Is a gres
invention. Col Montgomery will allow It t.
go through IL possible.