News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-06-24

neighbors that when the fowl got to
work his garden looked just as natura
as life, and you wouldn't have known
that he hadn't been in the country all
his life. But Smith, the migrate, sent
the hen home last night, with the un-
feeling remark that he preferred to have
his seeds come up in their own good
time; that he wasn't SO impatient as
some folks might suppose. Did you
ever hear of such beastly ingratitude.
| sometimes think I'll never do good
act again in my life. ."-Bost0n Tran
script
THE SALARY.
This story is told of Mr.. Mac -,
a well known humorist residing at
Rocklife, Canada, on the Ottawa, who
combines the duties of station agent
and postmaster: Having acted for
some time as master of mails at that
place to the satisfaction of the cOmmu-
nifty, but without pay, the NJ. P. for the
district procured his appointment as
postmaster, and the head of the depart
ment wrote him that he had much p -eas-
ure in confirming his position-''t the
salary to be the same as heretofore. "
This pleased Mac immensely, and he
wrote to the chief acknowledging the
honor. Il just wrote him." he says,
''that felt honOred, as in duty bound,
by the confirmation of my appointment,
and was glad to know that the salary
was to be the same as heretofore, name
ly, nothing a year; for" says |, 'Td h
h-h-hate like f-f-f-fury to have to PIP p
pay anything g!'-Harper'S Magazine.
SUCCESSFUL STRIKE.
On the 1st inst, an engineer employed
in Wisconsin saw mill announced to
his boss that the time had come for him
to strike. Everybody else was striking,
and he could not be left out in the cold.
''Do you want more pay2" asked the
boss
mo; the pay is all right"
''Want shorter hou-s?"
''No; the hours are all right. -
"Then, what do you want2"
81 want to go fishing this afternoon
without having my pay docked. TIl be
on hand again in the morning"
he was told to go, and the "strike''
was amicably adjusted on that basis--
Val Street Neaos.
HE TOLD THE TRUTH.
Magistrate Ito new policeman) Did
you notice no suspicious characters
about the neighbOrhood?
New Poiceman-Shure. yer Honor, ]
saw but one mon, an / asked him wot
he was dOin there at that time o. night.
Sez he: II have no business here lust
now, but l expects to open a iewelry
sthore in the vicinity later on" At that
| sez: II wish you success, sorr."
Magistrate (disgusted)-Yes, and he
did open jewelry store in that vicinity,
and stole seventeen gold watches.
New Policeman (after pause) Be
gorro, yer Honor. the mon may have
been thafe, but he was no loiar
THIS is LOVE.
'Fannie,' y he said to her. "I love you
with my whole heart, and l want you to
be my wife. 1t is true Pm only a de-
partment clerk with 81, 400 year, but,
Fannie, money doesn't buy happiness.
Do you love me, darling2"
'Oh-oo," she cooed, nesting her
head on his new coat front.
"And you do love me?" he exclaimed
with confidence. 'You love me with
your whole soul and being?"
"Maybe not quite that much" she
gurgled, "but l love you 81 400 worth,
George, and that's $400 more than
ever loved any other living man. -
Washington Critic.
CASE DISMISSED.
A young man had been arrested for
kissing pretty girl, and she was on
the witness stand.
"You say" said the attorney for the
defendant, ''that the young man kissed
you against your will2"
Eyes, he did, and he did it dozen
times, too"
''Well, now, is it not true that you
also kissed him during the affray?"
Objected to; objection overruled.
"Now answer my question:" con
tinued the attorney. 'Did you kiss the
defendant, also2"
"Yes, 1 did," replied the witness,
Indignantly, "but it was in self defense. y
Case dismissed Washington Critic.
NOT ALL BAD.
Lawyers are not all bad They have
feelings, if you can only go deep
enough A lawyer up in the country
was called to defend a Mexican for
some serious crime, and he got him off.
"What fee did you get2" somebody
asked him.
'Well, the fellow was very grateful
very grateful. After the trial he came
to ne and he emptied his pockets. He
had $50 and watch and jack-knife :"
fAO6 vOu-H
az took the $50 and the watch. l
gave him back the jack knife. Hang it
all, you didn't expect me to rob the
poor fellow, did you7''-San Franciseo
Chronicle.
THE LAWYERS FUNCTION.
Fair Applicant-I desire, sir, an alb
solute separation from my husband.
Attorney what ground madam,
do you base your plea9
1--WE are not suited to each other. He
does not appreciate the finer sensibilities
of my more delicately organized nature,
and-but perhaps that is sufficient?"
~ fear, madam, in the absence of
more substantial cause for complaint,
an action would not lie"
''Not lie! 1t is you, sir, I engage for
that purpose. "--Ttd- Bits.
A woMAN-s AIM.
Charley-Clara : in tears What is
the matter?
Clara-Oh, Charley-I don't mind
telling you--Arthur has left me in anger.
1t was trifing dispute, but
"Why didn't you try to appease his
wrath?"
Il did; threw him a kiss as he
passed the widow, but he did not see
it."
Certainly not You should have
thrown it out in the hall, and then there
would have been some chance of its
hitting him. philadelphia CAL.
CASE OF BoYCoTTING.
"Mistah Shugarsand, said Uncle
Rastus, 81 want ter git er number one
Goldfish an er ham an two ba's of soap
an foah poun's brown shugah AM
reckon dat's allan yo' kin cha'ge EN-
up to me-"
II can't do it Uncle Rastus"
"Hasn't yo' got de goodsp
ooh, yes; I've got the goods. y
81 reckon must been boycotted, ="
Al IL L