The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1886-09-04
"oUR WIFE"

A Dissipatcd Editors Last Tribute of Az
fcclion aud Estccm to the Woman
Whose Lie He Had Wrecked.
When tn yclow-haired devil Of the
Jack Creek Piseu'oeed went to the Office
at seven o'clock, on the morning
of the Sd day of April, A. ID. 1877, he
found the editor in. 1t was so unusual
to find the editor in at that hour that
the boy whistlcd in low contralto
voice and passed on into the "ncws
room." leaving the gen'lemanly, genial
and urbane editor of the PizenDeed as he
had found him, ting in his foundered
chair, with his head immersed in pile
of exchanges on the table and his vencr-
able "44" near by, acting as a paper
weight. The gentlemanly, genial and
urbane editor of the PizenDccd present.
ed the appearance of man engaged in
sleeping off long and aggravated case
of drunk. His hat was on the back of
his head, and his features were entirely
obscured by the loose papers in which
they nestled.
Later on, Elijah P. Beckwith, the
foreman, came in and found the follow
ing copy on the hook, marked "Leaded
EDITORIAL" and divided it up into
"takes' for the yellow-haired devil and
himself:
"In another column of this issue will
be found, among the legal notices, the
iirst publication of summons in an ac-
ton for divorce, in which our wife is
,1,;, nd ,,,aln InfarIo,,t
While generally deprecating the practice
of bringing private matters into public
through the medium of the press, we
feel justified in this instance, inasmuch
as the summons sets forth, as cause of
action, that we are, and have been for
the space OF ten years, a confirmed
drunkard without hope Of recovery, and
totally unwilling to provide for and
maintain our said wife.
THAT we have been given to drink we
do not, at this time, undertake to deny,
or in any way controvert, but that we
can not quit at any time we do most
earnestly contend.
.'In 1867, on the 4th day of July, we
married our wife. 1t was joyful day,
and earth had never looked to us so fair
or so desirable as a summer resort as it
did that day. The flowers bioomed, the
air was fresh and exhilarating. the little
birds and the hens poured forth their re
spective lays. 1t was day long to be
remembered. and it seemed rs though
hump herself to be so attractive as she
did on this special morning-the morn
ing of all mornings-the morning on
which we married our wife.
Little did we then dream that after
ten years OF varying fortune we would
to-day give utterance to this editorial,
or that the steam power-press of the
PizenaDecd would squat this legal notice
for divorce, q VincWlO et M0rO, into the
virgin page of our paper But such is
the case. Our wife has abandoned us
to our fate, and has seen fit to publish
the notice in what we believe to be the
spiciest paper published west of the Mis-
souri, river. 1t was not necessary that
the notice should be published. We were
ready at any time to admit service, pro-
vided that plaintiff would serve it while
we were sober. We can not agree to
remain sober after ten o'clock Il. M, in
order to give people chance to serve
notices on us. But in this case plaintiff
knew the value of advertising, and she
selected paper that goes to the better
classes all over the Union. When our
wife does any thing, she does it right
'For ten years our wife and we have
trudged along together. 1t has been a
record of errors and failures on our
part; record of heroic devotion and
forbearance on the part of our wife. 1t
is over now, and with nothing to re-
member that is not soaked full of bitter
ness and wrapped up in red flannel re-
morse, we 90 forth to-day and herald
our shame by publishing TO the world
the fact that as husband we are a de-
pressing failure, while as Il red-eyed and
rum-soaked ruin and all-around drunk
ard we are a tropical triumph. We
print this without cgotism, and we po' mt
to it absolutely without vain glory.
"Ah why were we made the custodian
of this fatal gift, while others were de-
MED? 1t was about the only talent we
had, but we have not wrapped it up in
napkin. Sometimes we have put a
cold. wet towel on it. but we have never
hidden it under bushel. We have put
it out at three per cent a month, and it
has grown to be q thirst that is
worth coming all the way from Omaha
to see. We do not gloat over it. We
do not say all this to the sparagement
of other bright, young drinkers, who
came here at the same time, and who
had equal advantages with us. We do
not wish to speak lightly of those whose
prospect, for filling drunkard's grave
were at one time even brighter than
ours. We have simply sought to hold
our position here in the grandest galaxy
of eXtemporaneous inebr.ates in the
wild and woolly West. Wedo not wish
to vaunt our own prowess, but we say,
without fear of successful contradic-
ton, that we have done what we could.
"On the fourth page of this number
will be found, among other announce.
ments, the advertisement of our wife
who is about to open up the old laundry
at the corner of Third and Cottonwood
streets, in tine Briggs building. We
hope that our citizens will accord her q
generous patronage. Not so much on
her husbands account, but because she
is deserving woman, and n good laun,
dress. We wish that we could as safely
recommend every advertiser who
patronizes these columns az we can oul
wife.
"Unkind critics will make cold ant
unfeeling remarks because our wife has
decided to take in washing, and they
will look down on her, no doubt, but
she will not mind il. for il will be a