Morning journal and courier., 1886-06-15
PA LIE.

''How long has Brown been married, Char leyF' 'Didn't know he was married at all;
 don't believe he is, either" "Yes, he is; noticed him turn pale the clock struck 11''-Burdette.
 First Dutchman-Jake, vat you going to gif your son for a birtday present. Second Dol don't know; it's purity hard times. guess I haf some buddons sewed on his clothes. First Do-Yes, dots 80. guess
 haf my boys hair cut.
 S'1 wish, Mamie, on your way down town this afternoon you'd stop somewhere and or
 der some fish for dinner tonight" "What kind shall get, mammal" "Black bass, of course, child. Aren't we
 in mourningF Chicago Rambler. She (to young man who has been talking in
 somewhat gloomy vein)-Aren't you some thing of pessimist, MT. L.? MT. L.-I beg your pardon. She-Aren't you something of 8 pessimist? MT. L.-N-no; I'm bicyclist.-New York Times.
 "Mrs Hendricks,'' said Dumley to. his landlady, twill you add little hot water to
 my tea, it is too strong" After supper
 Dumley asked Mrs. Hendricks if sic would
 mind waiting until the following week for his board money, and she eraciouslv replied:
 Certainly not, MT. Dumley. ."-New York
 Sun.
 Small boy (who had been reading "The
 Demon Plumber, or the Boy Clown ')1'You
 have walloped me, father; but l swear to
 you that, ere another moon has waned, I will
 wreak a fearful vengeance on all your accurs-
 ed tribe. Ha, ha! The boy clown defies you"
 (And saying he skips out of the woodshed
 and climbs over the fence. )--Chicago
 Rambler.
 A worthy clergyman in neighboring town is very absent-minded, and has a short memory. It is a common habit with L. Al l. ,I,~s4 l. then, after sitting down, to rise up and com | mence his supplementary remarks with the expression, 'fBy the way" A few Sundays ago he got half through 8 prayer when he hesitated, forgot what he was about and sat | down abruptly without closing. In mo
 ment or two he arose, and, pointing his forefnger at the amazed congregation, he said: 'oh, by the way, amen. ."-Troy Times.
 The attendants at certain fashionable Buffalo church were given a startling illus tration of the power of habit recently. The preacher in the course of an eloquent sermon on the Power of the Bible' related the known story of how Queen Victoria, when asked the secret of England's greatness, re- piled that it was not her army, her navy or her wealth. but laying her hard on the Bible, she continued, .sThis is Engls1d's greatest power" Just st this junctura, loud and clear, from one of the back seats fell upon the ears of the astonished congregation the one word Chestnutl'-Buffalo Commercial | Advertiser.
 "Yes,' said Miss Richladie, ''iny daughter graduates next week."
 q understand she is at the head of her class2'
 "No," she said with some sadness, ''she | will not be the valetudinarian, but she will 1 take the salutary, and that's nearly as high" " "The commencement exercises are to be | very interesting"
 ttOh, yes, Rev. Dr. Grace will preach the l bacchanalian sermon, Rev. MT. Mortimer will 1 deliver the dilemmas, and there will be oth- | CT detractions too numerous to mention. "- 1 Washington Critic.
 Professor George L. Vose, whose manual
 on railroad engineering is authority the 1 world over, was one day puzzling over the | time card on the wall of the Boston and | Maine station, without making out what he wanted to know, when the president of the
 road, MT. Furber, came by and aecosted him
 'I am very glad to see you," the professor
 said ''I wish you would help me out with
 this time table. I cannot make head or tail
 out of it." The president joined in the in 1 vestigation, and for some moments the pair | foundered about among A. Al. s and P. M. E l with no satisfactory results whatever. "Oh, l I never can make anything out of these things,' President Furber exclaimed at | length ''Let's ask somebody" And they l went and asked brakeman.-Boston Letter l to the Providence Journal.