The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1886-12-17

musical scales. we suppose.
-Bluebeard's trade was evidently
that of BELIEF hanger.
Money Is vet quite hard to collect
and even coffee frequently refuses to
settle.
The grocer never sings my way is
dark and lonely His weigh is usually
light.
There's plenty of room at the top"
may be an equivocal expression to a
bald headed man.
The royal family always wears its
trousers turned up at the bottom, be-
cause it is reigning in England.
1t is very notifying for young
man to ask for girls Land and re-
ceive her fathers foot.
Kate Field asks "How many
women marry good man." One at a
time, Kate, except in Utah.
The difference between q porous
plaster and lottery ticket is that the
the plaster draws something.
Another peaceful Indian has been
discovered in Montana. He has been
dead fer over 900 years.
For the combative-A duel is the
quickest kind of encounter, because it
takes only two seconds.
"A man who is always losing his
temper never seems to have much
trouble in finding it again.
An advertiser wants "a strong boy
for bOttling." 1t occurs to us that it
would be easier to bottle a weak boy.
"A clock should please both capital
and labor. 1t works twenty four hours
a day and goes out on a strike every
hour.
An observant writer says that few
men know what to do with their hands.
They should offer them to some nice
girl.
"A pretty girl won a musket in a
French lottery. When they gave it her
she asked Don't they give soldier
with it?''
YES" observed Mrs. Gra. I'VE
kinder got tired of gas, and now We are
goin' to have the house lit with clandes-
tine electric Iights.''
-"CuIcha~l''-Ap provincial lady Of
culture was lately heard to remark Il
am not much Of a gTammaIist, but l am
a pretty good 'rithameticker
-Beets and carrots have grown to
such size in Dakota this year that far
mers are compelled to use stump puIlers
to pull them from the ground.
Why is a reddish horse like horse
radish? Because we can't tell the speed
OF one, nor the virtue of the other, with
out putting bit in the mouth.
Paper shoes are manufactured in
Paris and are quite fashionable. just
imagine a dainty slipper made up of
spring poetry and old love letters.
An old farmer who wrote to an edi-
tor, asking how to get rid of moles, and
receiving the reply, "Plow them ont, .
answered back Can't do it; it's on
my darter's nose ~
Young mother displaying the
baby Isn't she dear little thing, Mr.
Podsnap? Podsnsp father of large
family Yes they're very expensive
I've got six of 'em.
wv hat are you il here for?'' asked
visitor to the penitentiary. Cause
was put in =" growled the prisoner, saw
sgely. Yer didn't think came il
cause liked it, did yer p
Are you well acquainted Will
your mother tongue. my bOy?" asked
the schoOl-teacheI of a new scholar.
Eyes, sir, answered the lad timidly
MA jaws me good deal, sir
-"I'm afraid it's not genuine" saic
lady to a shopman. ''Oh, yes, it Is
madame, y replied the polite gentleman
'All our camel's-hair shawls are mad
of pure silk, direct from The worm"
If you have an enemy do not bu,
1 his boy a drum. Your enemy woult
[ probably kick through the sheepski
within twenty-four hours. Buy hi
/ next-door neighbours boy drum. 1
will WORK just as well and he can't ge
at it.
/ "A scientist ssys-your scientist j!
always saying sometbing-thst eacl
! adult person carries enough phosphoru
ii his body to make 40, 900 matches, bu
/ those who know how hard it is to max
a match of two people will begin to los
faith in scientists.
Edison Gays that no experimen
which he has tried at night ever failed
: Now what we want to know is, did h
ever Try at night in his bare feet to fln,
the matches without disturbing any O
the furniture, or stubbing his big to
against s'teen different distractions.
Head of the house Ito young man a
the front -"HaYen't 1 told 70,
never to call here again ?"
Young man--"Yes, sir but haven
called to see Miss Clara this time.
have two-months' gas bill here t
collect.n
Head of the house Tin milder tone,
Il see. You will please call again. -
well, " remarked young man to
group of friends. 1.-THE only girl 1 eve
really loved is to be married mex
month" ''I'oo bad, old fellow" =" said