The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-09-04
Artemus Wards Twins.

IN ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Arfemus Wards Twins.
DEAR SIRs: I take my pen in hand
to inform you that line in state of
bliss, and trust these lines will find yu
enjoying the same blessins. line regu-
| venated. have found the immortal
waters of youth, SO to speek, & am as
timber and fryskey as year old steer,
and in the future them boys which sez
| 'go up old bawld head to me, will do
it at the PERIL to their hazard individ
ooally. Ime powerful happy. Heaps
CT iuy has descended on me to onct & l
feel like bran new man. Sometimes
| arsk myself lis it not a dream?' &
suthin within myself sez 'it air. but
when look at my little critters know
it is a reallerty-2 reallertys ma sa-&
l feel gay. There's considerbul human
nature in man after all.
returned from the Summer Campane
with my unparalleled show of wax works
and living wild beasts of Pray in the
early part of this munth. The people
of Baldinsville met me cordully and l
immejitly commens resting myself and
famerly. The other mite while l was
down to the tavern tostin my shins agin
the bar,room fire and amusin the krowd
with sum of my adventure, who should
cum in bare heded & terrible excited
but Bill Stokes, who sez, sez he, 'Old
Ward, there's great doins up to your
house..
Sez l, William how SOP
Sez he, Bust my gizzard, but its CRATE
doins, and then he larfed as if heed kill
hisself.
'Sez I, raisin and putin on an austeer
look, william, l woodent be a fool If
| had common cents
But he kept on larfn till he war black
in the face, until he fell over on to the
bunk where the hostler sleeps, and in a
still small voice sed, 'Twins!' l assure
yu gents that the grass didn't grow
under my feet on my way home, & l
was follored by an enthusiastic throng
of my feller citterzans, who hurrarh for
SD sha house choct full of reer1e
There was Miss Squire Baxter, and her
| three grown up darters, lawyer Perkunses
wife, Taberthy Ripley, young Ebum
Pursuns, Deakun Simmins' foxes, the
skoolmaster, Doctor Jordin, etsettery,
etsettery. Miss Ward was in the west
room, which jines the kitchen. Miss
Squire Barter was mixin sumthin in a
dipper before the kitchen fire, and a
small army of female wlmin pushin wild
| ly round the house with bottles Of camp
| fire, peases of fannil, &c. 1 Inever seed
such hubdub in my born dase. l Good
stay in the west room only a mint, so
strung up was my feelins, SO l rushed
out and seased my doubled barrild gun.
'What upon airth ails the man1 says
Tuberthy Ripley. 'Sakes alive! what
are yu doin?' and she GRABBED me by my
coat tales. whats the matter with
yu?' she continnered.
Twins, marm,' sez I, 'twins!'
Il know it, sez she, coverin her face
with her apurn.
.Wall,' sez 1 that's what's the matter
with me-
wall, put down that air gun, yu pes
ky old fool sed she.
mo, narm, sez l, this is a Nushunal
day. the glory of this here day isn't
confined to Baldinsville by darn site.
On wonder woodshed,' sez l, drawing
myself up to my full hite, and speakin
in a show-actin voice, will l fire Nu-
shunal saloot?' sayin which tared my
self from her grasp and rusht to the top
of the shed, where l blazed away until
SQUIRE Barter's hired man and my son
Artemus Jnneyer, cum & took me down
by name force.
| On returning to the Kitchen I found
quite lot of people seated be4 the fire
a talkin the event over. They made
room for me and 1 sot down.
| quite episode, said DIR. Jordan,
litin his pipe with red hot cole.
'Yes,' sed l; g eppisodes, waing
about IS pounds jintly.'
quite Coup detat,' says the skule'
master.
'Epluribas unum, in proprietor per-
sony,' sed l think Ide let him know that
l understud furrin langwidges as we'll as
he did if wasent skulemaster.
'It's momentus event., sed young
Eben Parsuns, who had been 2 quartre:
to the Academy.
Il never heard 2wins called by tha
name afore,' sed l, but | suppose it!
all rite.'
sWe shall soon have Wards enuff, sec
the editor of the BaAQtns0lNe BngR 0
Liberty, who was looking over a bundle
of exchange papers in the corner, 'tt
apply to the legislative for City Char
ter
Good for yu, old mani sed I, 'giv
that air conspicuous place in the mex
Bngle.'
'How redicklus,' said pretty Susal
Fletcher, coverin her face with her nit
tin work & larfn like one possest.
well, for my part sed Jane Mari
Peasly, who is the crossist old maid il
the wurld, Il think ye akt like a pac
of fules.
Sez I, Miss Peasly, are yu parunt
! Sez she, mo, l ante
See I, Miss Peasly, yu never will bee.
She left.
We sot there talkin & larfn until tn
switchin hour of mite when graveyard
yawn and Costs trupe 4th, as old Bi
Shakspire aptle observes in his dram
of John Sheppard, esq.,, or the Mor'
House Breaker, when we broke up an
c disbursed.
. Muther and children is doin wei
: & as Resolushuns is the order of tn
J. day, feel obleaged if yule insert tn
follerin -
Whereas. episodes has happened U
to the undersined's house, which