Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-11-26
A CASE OF EXHAUSTION.
BY SLOWCUE.

He wasn't bad-looking fellow. I've
seen worse-the morning after an election,
or a big political procession. He had an
air of good breeding. Now think of it,
that was all he had that was noticeable.
About six feet in his stockings-I mean
shoes, Ccry bad shoes indeed. There was
a hole in the heel of one. Looked as if it
might have been fished up out of barrel
that had stood siege Of cats, dogs. and
lively boys on an ash heap. l saw-just
as plain as you ever saw the srn-lis skin
through that hole.
smiled. Who wouldn't? A strappng
big fellow like that, with no socks on.
Directly he turned. AS met his eyes. L
felt as mean rs if I'd been detected finger
Ing the coupons on another mans bonds.
He vas such q straightforward honest
looking soul. l made an excuse to speak to
him.
Excuse mc-did I meet you in Omaha
last Monday"
Wish TO heaven you had! No, sir. l
couldn't get Chat far if wings were as plenty
as grass, and as cheap. l belong to large
"A cc'N large family, sir.
All" l answered. very much amused
with his smile and saucy speech. SO
breezy-so matter Of course.
The name of the family is
Cantgetaways. Prolific - beats every
thing on the Pacific slope. In fact don't
mind telling you, ece are the real, genuine,
simon-pure out-and- out slopers."
He looked at me quizzicaly, as if to say:
al an aware l am an object of ridicule,
but give you to understand l am not SO
poor but that 1 am able to discount you.
estimate of me, stranger"
Il was looking for quiet place to sponge
the atmosphere out Of my throat, 1 said.
"Can you commend me to it?"
"Thc place where the squirrel cage is in
the wlndow-ten or twelve doors around
that corner"
He was moving on, when [ called after
him. "Sec here, my friend, l never could
turn a corner alone-always have to be as
sisted.
He smiled again, moved OH, hesitated,
came back, and looked in my eyes squarely.
Just as you like, butts not my way. If
you want the company of poor devil
"rhere are no rich devils" said I-"who
ever heard Of such a thing" So we went
in together to look at the squirrel.
While the man with the smart necl1tia,
diamond pin, and superb head of hair was
mixing the drinks, I learned why one man
became "sloper." AS any attempt to
alter OF modify the phraseology of NV
new acquaintance would simply divest it of
>"erything that gave it character, he shall
spesa' FOR himself
Ve~y good liquor-permit me to say l
ooShe TO oea judge. Fellows who pour
quart OF stun down are VIGOROUSLY bad
Judges y man whohasnt had mint julep
IN month OF SuLaays-why, lie is a
faster in tho truest sense. To your health
may you live long ana prosner., and
never be SO unfortunate as to depend mon
ghost"
"a ghost! 1 see you don't take.n
81 do-thanks-a second won't hurt me.
Well, half q dozen on the shell to oblipe
you. Not that I'm above oysters-haven't
had any since I left-where was it?
Kansas City? yes: been fiat broke ever
since. Now, if you don't look at me that
way again, I'll tell you my story. And
then you may tell it to everybody you
know. Maybe it will prevent some donkey
as big as I have proved myself-but no!
that isn't possible, there can't be another
donkey like me-from going over the same
ground I've been over.
"Know anything about voice culture?
Ever belong to a Thespian society? Ever
stage -struck3 Know ANYTHING about
elocution? Thank God, stranger, give me
your hand. It's like striking fountain of
eternal youth in desert of burnt half
bricks to moet a man who don't know any,
thing about any of them. lido. Look at
me; I'm the embodiment of elocution, in
all that pertains 10 the stage of human
action. whore there is no action to speak of
when II mans beard is month long, and
he wants money enough to pay a barber
no possible way of raising dime when
whisky is only dollar gallon.
"I'n from Vermont. There's snug little
farmhouse way up in Vermont where, if
could toast my shins before the fire, I'd
be oodaled by half dozen pretty
cousins. Well, they won't buzz
around nae this summer. There's COL
lege celebrated for its crack educators
and product ir that State, of which am a
sample. hat won't blush for my appear
ance in it's corridors this year, likely. And
I ain't half bad looking. How does it all
CONS ahoutf Let me whisper in your ear
one word-etoos.tton.
"Fect. Tells the whole story. I'll hang
on thu trimming for Xour especial benefit.