Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-12-16
WANT TO TRY THE PLATFORM,
The Manager of q Lecture Bureau Tell
of His Trials and Tribulatious.

hue nhudEtE OF LtDs
of His Trials and Tribulations-
AT about this time of the year, when
che woodchuck takes farewell view of
the clover field and goes head first into a
hole" says the manager of lecture
bureau, 1.-THE platform tiends begin TO
| crawl out and make life miserable for me.
Everybody thinks he, she or it can lect-
ure. Only yesterday big man with a
thick neck and a forehead like a hens
came in here and wanted me to put him
up to the lecture racket, as he called it.
He said: What der public wants is ter
look at me. I'm famous, l am Well,
what do You suppose was the basis of his
desire 70 go upon the lecture PLATFORM
He had once challenged Sullivan and
fought him l don't know how many
rounds-through the newspapers. /
promised TO let him know il any
church lecture committee sent for him
Nearly ali the bridge jumpers have sent
in applications for jobs on the rostrum
and have here letter from an ex-bank
cashier asking if have any dates open on
the other side of the Canada line. re-
piled that the Canadian demand for at
fractions seemed to be filled, but there was
a vacancy in the course Of the Sing Sing
Moral improvement society which he
might fill to general satisfaction. | told
him the terms there were usually liberal,
but he hasn't accepted the offer
1.-The other day a man cana in and
wanted TO be put on the list for a scien-
tific lecture, which he said was in a popu-
lar style and very instructive. He struck
me so fayorably that asked him to bring
the lecture in the next day and let me
look over it He said he called IL The
Resources Of Civilization He came with
a gripsack, took out a roll of manuscript
and some curious apparatus and pro-
ceeded TO read me an essay on high explo-
sives. He took up something that looked
like compressed sawdust-he said it was
'vigorite announced that, although
by percussion it would explode with ter
rife violence, he could and would safely
pound it with a hapmer. | seized the
hammer as II was about to fall and BIN
died him out of the ofice. He wss q
theoretical Nihilist
And then the elocutionists, as they call
themselves. The good Lord deliver me
from that tribe. They all want to infiict
upon an abused public 'Curfew Shall Not
Ring Tonight They are almost as bad
as the funny men Of western country
papers, who hsve been copied all over the
country and have got up rehashes of Joe
Mi''er and Artemus Ward that they want
to fire on under titles that have no earthly
connection with the subjects on which
they propose to speak.
perhaps you don't believe more than
half OF this, but IL is all solemn fact
Why, what would you say if should tell
that NIfr,,pS ho hoA "a n.
tawa, wanted me TO arrange for him al
eastern circuit, so that he could deliver a
lecture on Ny Storms and How They
Have Seen Sjdetracked by an Unscientific
Providence. Well, perhaps that wasn't
just the title Of il, but at any rate he
wanted TO talk on that weary old chestnut
the weather. / wouldn't be surprised
if a discharged patient from an in
ebriate asylum should walk in here
and ask me to star him in the church
courses with a thrilling monologue
on Snakes; or, How | Had Emf
Hark! / heard somebody coming. You
wait and see if it isn't an aspirant for
fame and fortune on the lecture plat
form"
The door opened, and q tall, good look
ing and well dressed woman entered. She
had society air, but an independent,
determined look withal. She had been
left to her own resources by the death of
her husband, and she wanted to earn her
own living with the capital of a good
presence, fair voice and slight knowl-
edge Of the art of public reading, &C.
quired in an amateur way. II was no use
trying to discourage her She was deter
mned TO try, and knewshe could succeed.
So her name was booked after some con-
sultation. When she had gone the man
ager Of the bureau said: "She wants to
lecture on cranks, and think can give
her plenty of points. ."-"Uncle Bill" in |
Chicago Herald.