The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1886-01-23
A DELICATE SITUATION.
The Trials of Man with a Klep-
tomaniac Wife.

l must commence this narrative with a
most painful admission-my wife is q con-
tirmed kleptomaniac. In all other respects
she is an admirable woman, though say it
who shouldn't. She is beautiful-at least in
my eyes; she is comparatively young,
though perhaps she might not like me to be
precise on this point; she has troops OF
friends and no lack of anything that hus-
band in comfortable circumstances and
devotedly attached to her can supply; and
yet, owing to some distressing mental dis
order, she is continually bringing home
other peoples property.
Nothing, am quite sure could be further
from her gentle disposition than the vice of
covetOusneSS She does not take thin pc
because she wants them, or in order to
obtain cheap qualification. So far as |
can see she is subject merely to the same
propensity as the jackdaw
| solemnly affirm that she has no notion
OF Wrong-doing. She pliers with the limo
'cence OF the dove, cooing all the while with
that soft voice of hers, which would disarrn
the most hardened stickler for the rights OF
property; and when she sees me take any,
thing to restore it to the lawful owner she
invariably regards me with mute reproach
/ first discovered her malady during our
honeymoon, which was spent in the North
at the time, and diamond ring had
imysteriously disappeared. Parenthetically
let me observe that, although Maria will.
AT a plnc IKE articles 81 no earthly Value,
she prefers jewelry, as being at once
portable and pleasant to look upon The
man declared she had stolen the ring.
While l was pouring on him a flood of
abuse, and she was entreating me to spare
him, she became so agitated at the sight of
my indignation as to have recourse to her
handkerchief. As she drew it from her
pocket something fell on the floor. Fol
lowing triumphant dart of the jewelers.
hand l looked, and, 10 there was the ring.
That was the first OF many painful mo-
ments. Yet can confidently say that in
stead OF diminishing my love, they have in
creased it, and they have added to my
other feelings great pity for her who is so
grievously afflicted.
There never was a less nervous woman
than Maria; herein fear lies the hopeless
ness of her case. If could detect even the
quiver of an eyelid-and what charming
eyes she has, to be sure las she quietly
appropriates what belongs to another, I
might be able to take courage. But alas!
the smile never leaves her pretty face, her
tones never falter, her. hand goes I'M
tremblingly on its stealthy way, as if it
were impelled by some invisible force
external to herself, and then the horrid
deed is done. o, what agonieS have en-
dured, watching without the power Of
stopping her! What shame, what pity,
what horror lest she should be caught in
the act! always feel as guilty as if were
her accomplish.
Night after night when she is asleep,
have long made practice oo searching her
pockets, and then of creeping down stairs
TO examine herprivate cabinets. The num-
Der of things | have found secreted in one
corner or another is enough to make my
Il ir cfn vlr,, 4 i'll. Al.
Whether Maria ever misses them, whether
she knows that | have sent them back to
their owners, have never been able to
ascertain, but she has neither demonstrated
nor said word on the subject to me. l
have noticed, however, that her hiding
places are changed from time to time
which looks7as if she were not altogether
satisfied with them.
About year ago Mrs. Arbuthnot, an
acquaintance of ours, lost valuable brace
let, which | felt quite sure Maria had
taken But | never could find it, though
searched the house, from top to bottom.
Mrs. Arbuthnot had her suspicious, could
see, and this drove me nearly frantic not
only with thinking of what had become of
the bracelet, but also with trying to dis
cover a remedy for the existing state of
affairs.
AT last | hit upon what struck me as
really good idea. Like cures like, argued I;
III | were to introduce into my house an
other klept0maniac would not Maria be-
come disguised and alter her wayss A bad
habit in ourselves may be tolerated, but
when it crops up in others it often assumes
most repulsive aspect and straightway
clamors for it's own removal Such, at
least, was my idea. l thought il worth a
trial.
The first thing to be done was TO secure
genuine kleptomaniac. With this object
in view | inserted in several Of the daily
papers the following advertisement:
M ANTED-A kleptomanac, who must be a
" lady OF otherwise irreproachable
habits and pleasing manners She viii be
required to act as Il compan on TO gentle
mans wife who is similarly afflicted. Duties
light; remuneration liberal. Apply in the
hrst instance to X. Y. a., care OF a arm of
advertising agents.
Notwithstanding the frequency with
which such articles as books and umbrellas
disappear, 1 had supposed kleptomania to
be very rare disease, and, moreover, one
which few persons would care to own to.
Imagine my surprise, then, at receiving
tifty-seven answers to my advertisement,
every one of the writers claiming to be a
lady. From the nature Of the case / could
not ask for references. Not that this
mattered much, for had enough confidence
in my own judgment to think | could dc
without them.
went through the letters with great care
putting aside all that tried to recommend
themselves by shamelessly describing acts
Of successful pilfering had no hesitation