Devils Lake inter-ocean. (Devils Lake, Ramsey Co., Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1905, 1886-10-09
HOW c,NcINNATUs RI :cEIvED 1T.

HOW cINClNNATUS RI :cEIvED IT.
How Honors are Thrust Upon the
Politicians.
Texas Siftings.
When the Roman senate elected Lu-
cius Quintus Cincinnatus CONSUL by a
handsome plurality, Notwithstanding the
Tammany detection and the fact that a
Prohibition candidate was sprung upon
them at the last moment, they appoint
ed a committee to visit the noble Roman
on his farm and announce to him his
election.
They found him engaged in doing his
spring blowing. AS they approached
him with all the dignity they could COM
mand while stumbling across plowed
land in their long togas, he stopped his
oxen to ascertain who they were and
what they wanted.
"Most noble Roman" said the CHAIR
man of the committee, in that deep, So
norous tone suited to the occasion, Eve
are here"
$50 l see," said Lucius Quintus, eye
ing them s%usplciously, "but signed a
contract for some of those patent bee
hives last summer and found it wa q
note for $500 that l had to pay at the
bank. You can't play that green game
on me twice."
"You mistake our mission altogether
said the chairman with offended dignity,
1--WE are"
Lightning rod men perhaps. But 1
don't want any lightning rods, nuther."
"Deign, most noble Cincinnatus, to
give me your attention for a few brief
moments"
"Well, hurry up, old boss, and make
| short, for I'm busy as a mules tail in
fly time," and he sat down on his pillow
beam, tanning himself with an old straw
hat.
"The republic is in danger" he began
reading from a long roll Of MS that he
produced.
"That sounds sort o'familiar. 'Nuther
lection comm on, I recken. You're
goin' to sound the tocsin, amt We? And
mebbe you'll wave the bloody shirt"
"Jhe Roman senate, realizing the ex-
igency of the situation, has elected
you"
eff there amt them pesky colts in my
garden patch again." cried Cincinnatus,
springing to his feet.
"W-h-o-a there /! Git out of that p he
yelled. as he grasped his ox-gad and
started across the field to drive them
ont.
When he returned he was perspiring
and swearing like a Roman trooper,
"Blankety bank them blank colts" he
cried, "theyW jump any fence that was
ever made. Say, you fellers. You don't
happen TO kpow q poke that'll keep
colts from jumpin', do ye"
The city which Romulus founded"
said the chairman, scarcely needing the
interruption, "ln casting about for a
competent commander, every way ade-
quate to the emergency that has over
taken us, the eyes of the senate have
turned toward vou."
"Shaw !! you don't say !"
"Your steadfast championship of the
rights Of labor, your position on the sill.
yer question, your uncompromising op'
position to the Chinese, your refusal to
avil yourself of the franking privilege
and your scornful rejection of a railroad
pass while a member of yorktown coun.
Gil, the c~ountenance you gave to the
early closing movement, your defiance
Of Canada OH the fishery question, your
I-n
"Come now, boys, let up"
"Iour refusal to have your portrait
and biography published in u book of
eminent men, your services MS q vol
unteer fireman, the ability you displayed
as captain of u militia company, your
having never written communications
to the papers, Or shown yourself in an
open hack Ill Decoration Day pro-
cessions, your refusal to allow your
photographs to be placed Oh sale, your
never sending proof slips of your
speeches to the daily journals, never
making n false return to the tax asses
sor, or wearing po%inted.toed shoes, OF
parting your hair in the middle, or cry
ing 'chestnut!' and above all your inva-
riable habit Of going to the polls and
voting the old ticket without q scratch,
have induced the senate to call you to
the highest Office in their gift, the Ro.
man consulship!''
Clncinnatus was so overcome by this
time that he could only press the speak
er's hand silently and lead the way to
the house, where he tapped Il fresh bar
rel of cider, and invited them all to ioin
him in n drink.
But he accepted the nomination all
the same.