The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-18
'nIIUl1noR.,


!, PAPER ware-busoles.
MOURNING glory widow weeds.
FxELrcrrY-the successful attorney.
PrLLAoR-the reward Of . druggist.
PAc1rrc msle-a native SON OF the
golden West.
ApvEssIrY has good effect on some
people. Like eggs. they never come
out of their shells till they're broke
st. Paul Herald.
ADVICE TO chronic grumb1ers-Who
hath woe, who hath sorrowY Those
who tarry long at the whine. -MeT-
chant Traveller.
WHEN cold wave strikes st. Louis
the girls wear ear muf1s. This caused
q stranger to ask one cold morning
when the balloon ascension took place.
- Maverick.
JOHNSON says the crying need of this
country is not q non-explosive steam
boiler, but a non-explosiye esteemed
wife. johnson is bald-headed wretch
Merchant Traveller.
@PApA, what is a savage?" "A saw
age, nv son, is q man who occupies two
whole seats in railway car while some
poor woman with q sick baby has to
stand up."-Chicago Ledger.
MOD of the head
Oft meanefh -Nuff sed =
And a sly little wink
Will bring forth the drink.
--Goodaips Sun.
AN exchange says: I'm Detroit q
newspaper portrait has led to the dis
coyery of a murderer" We were con-
.fitlent the public would not stand this
sort of business long. What was the
name of the artist who was captured p
Buffalo World.
WITH the view of putting our broth
er photographers on their guard so that
they may be careful in examining their
change when making purchases OF
stocks, bonds. etc., we would say that
counterfeit $1,000 bills are in circula-
tion.-Boston Courier.
AN Iowa man has discovered a rem
edy for rheumatism, consisting OF
maple sugar dissolved in apple brandy.
In less than week after he made the
discovery the whole neighborhood was
lmping around with the rheumatism
Norman Independent.
AN Indiana man is trying to invent
an ar brake. 1t consists of piece Of
adhesive plaster pasted over his wife's
mouth. Keep your seats, gentlemen;
keep your seats If the thing works,
you shall know all about it in our next
issue. Besides, you can't all have an
agency for it.-CalJornia Maverick.
The same woman who calls her hus-
band brute for whipping his bird
dog to make him mind, will call him
another if he refuses to buy her three
stuffed birds to wear on her hat, all of
which suffered the agonies of death to
satisfy the demands of fashion. Tender
heartedness, like beauty, seems to be
only skin deep, and hardly that
DansUiUe Breeze.
The petrifed skeleton of q whale,
over thirty feet long, has been found
on range of mountains in Monterey.
Colo, over $500 feet above sea level.
Local scientists are undecided whether
the big fish, when alive, fell out of
balloon and landed on the mountains,
or crawled up there and died of morti-
fcation after hearing fish story told
by California fisherman. Both theo-
ries are plausible enough.-NOrris-
toicn Herald.
In England, according to the census
of 1881, the number of women physi-
clans was twenty-five; from 1880 to
1884 eight had been placed in a lunatic
asylum, and at the end of last year
three were under treatment. Women
with less brains might have made crazy
quilts containing 1000 pieces each
without becoming mentally unbalanced.
Prescribing pills for overworked dudes
is what exhausts the woman physician.
-NorriStolcn Herald.
PSYCHOLOGICAL POEM.
Like plant beside it's blossom
Or the moon beside its star,
Sat mother with her darling
Boy, whose eyes were black as tar.
Said she james, you ask how differ
Soul and body. What I here
Touch is body. But this something
Still within-what is il. dear?"
His eyes luminous with the dawning
OF deep intellect, the pert
Child exultingly replied:
why, ma, that's my flannel shirt"
California Maverick.
"WHY is it, Hodson, that you will
use such extravagant comparisons?
Don't YOU know that it gives feebleness
to your meaning?" whats the mat
ter now?" @Well, take the expression
you have just used. for instance sad