Smyrna times., 1886-04-14
Life of a Hotel Kew.
ITS ADVENTURES, THE FUN IT HAS AND
WHERE ITS GRAVEYARD IS.

am only a hotel room key, about
three inches long and made of brass,
but you must not think my life is une-
ventful. l once made trip to Chicago
in the pocket of a fOrgetful drummer,
who carried me off and returned me in
a mail bag along with letters. There
was little tag attached to me, on
which was stamped these words ga
twO-cent stamp will return me-" That
was sufficient notice to the travelling
man and within three days was back
in New York. 1t was provoking to
find on my return, that my rival, the
hotel pass key, had been in my key
hole all the time 1 was way. We never
did get along together. Whenever 1
slept late, owing to the occupant of the
room over which kept guard falling
to awaken me, the pass key put its
nose into my key hole, and hustle me
out. The pass key puts on many airs
because it (mark the sarcasm in "it'')
can open any door in the house. For
my part 1 thank Vulcan, who made
me, that I am not so common.
Romance has entered into my life as
well as adventure. 1 can never forget
the first night was on duty. l was
assigned to the bridal chamber, and
the young couple who were there
that night were the incest people
have ever met. The groom
stayed in all the evening, which
was very lOver-like, l now believe, for
l haven't known married man to do
such a thing since. Can l forget the
thrill of pleasure | felt when the bride
turned me in my little socket to lock
the door. The touch of her delicate
taper fingers made me very happy.
Burglars at the door! 1t was two
O'Clock one morning when was awak-
end by a pinching sensation about the
head. 1t was pair of nippers in the
hands of a thief, and he was turning
me around with the pinchers. l braced
myself and fought hard against the
pinchers, but the thief finally got a
grip on me that l could not resist, and
back went the lock, the door opened,
and in a moment the thief had stolen
all the money and jewelry from the
| guests clothing. [ wished then that
my friend the bolt had been there, but
in the morning, | heard a detective say
that hotel thieves could even slide back
the bolts.
Of tragedy have had my fill. One
night an old man with Horace Greeley
whiskers, locked the door as usual anC
went to bed. 1 was just ready to g
to sleep myself when l smelt gas. HI
had blown Out'the light. The corone
said it was the old story, and accepted
$40 from the hotel proprietor for allow
ing him to move the body in the nigh
quietly, that the other guests shOuldn'
know there was dead man in tn,
| house. Then there was a case of tht
man who shot his wife and locked tn,
door, taking me with him down anon,
the slums of New York, where he re
mained on a spree for several weeks
The papers were full of the mystery,
as they styled it, but knew the stOr,
all the time. Finally the man was al
rested, and had to pass a night in tn
police station. When got back to th
hotel found that a new key had bee
put i'll my place, because the door ha
to be broken in to get at the dead VIC
man. lay on the shelf then for som
time, but now 1 am back again. in tn
door.
Between you and me I may play a
important part in this Broadway frar
chise investigation. l was the onl
outsider present at a certain meeting {
Aldermen at our hotel last fall. Their
was a great row about one man havin
got more mOnuy than another. Nov
if Mr.. Roscoe Conkling would call m
a witness could throw a good deal
light on the bribery question. But, oil
dear me, can't talk English, and
don't know who could interpret for M
: l admit the life 1 lead is somewhat mC
) nOtonOus. From morning till night
f go the round from the bedroom to dir
, ing room, and to the Office key rae
and back again TO the bedroom.
t time l suppose will become old an
bent like some of the people who occl
py the room 1 lock, and then 1 will g
/ to that graveyard of all keys, the jun
2 shop, and be buried forever. But
Mr.. COnkling wants me in that invest
CATION, Pm his key. You know whel
to find me, Room A." you know IL
hotel So do the Aldermen of 'S4.