Morning journal and courier., 1886-12-30
ENTHUSIASM.

An illinois citizen became enthusiastic upon first seeing the Atlantic ocean. 'fWhy, :" he said, tits immense! grand! What & prairie it would make if it would only keep still. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
 Liszt said that people must play the piano with their souls. If players would only con tent themselves with this method of playing other people would be more at ease than they are now.-Boston Post.
 St. Peter doesn't take up any tickets at the pearly gates, but the fact remains that the man who has all his printers bills duly receipted in his pocket stands better show than ordinary people of getting in.-Somsr- vile Journal.
 Poodle dogs have feas. The poodle lies in his mistress lap, when the feas migrate and occupy the mistress until she sits in her hus- bands lap. then the old man gets lem. It is nice family arrangement devoid of all sell fshness. - Martha's Vineyard Herald. There's one way to stop the high hat nui- sance at the theeters. No, smarty, it isn't to grow shorter women, either. It's to make the women sit on one side of the house and men on the other, as they do at Quaker meetings. Try that for while, Zaccheus, and see how the hats will come down out of that hickory tree.-Somerville Journal
 Mrs. Snaggs is Spnnky. "The idea!'' exclaimed Mrs. Snaggs. ''Well?" asked her husband. 'Here it says in the paper that Mrs. Hicks-Lord has been presented to Queen Victoria nine times" ''What of that?" "Well, if Queen Victoria or any other woman wouldn't receive me the first time I'd never go again. So therel'-Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph
 She (to young poet)-How much do you get for your poems, Charley?
 Charley (with pride)-From $2 to $5.
 She-Well. isn't that very little, Charley? I see that Sir Walter Scott got s1O,OO0 for one of his.
 Charley-Yes, but, you see, writing poetry isn't the business it used to be. There's too much competition.-New York Sun.
 The Maligned Meter-Man-''I come to tell you about my gas meter. For the last three months-" Gas Office Clerk-ssYes, we know all about it. You've been out of town and all the pipes have been sealed, yet the meter registers 13, 274 feet. You'll have to pay it all the same.n Man-ssYon are mistaken, sir. I have burned gas all over the house and the meter only registers sixteen feet. I thought I'd notify you of the discrepancy" Clerk-'1-I-why, sir" -(Falls dead d).-Philadelphi Call.
 If it does not bewilder it must amuse the poor heathen on the far-off shores to know if they do know-that almost every gun and ammunition factory in Europe is running night and day to fill the orders given by the several Christian" nations, which, in this season of peace on earth and good will to man, must thicken their armor and increase the slaughtering capacity of their guns, in order to keep themselves from being wiped off the face of the globe by their sister Christian" nations. What Christendom manifestly needs is more Christianity Chicago News.
 A Sharp Darky.-Sam Johnsing, having attended night school for few weeks be- ieves that he is the smartest nigger in Aus tin. He was witness in g burglary case, and created sensation by his intelligence. 'Do you think you would recognize the bur glar if you were to see him againl" 'sWhy, boss, of course would" "You are sure you would identify the thief if you were to see him agains" ''I tell you so ag'in. I'se not one of desc fool niggers what doesn't know naffin'. could Identify dat man eben if I nebber seed him ag'in. I don't hab ter see him ag'in to Identify him. .'-Texas Siftings.