The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-11-11
WIT AND WISDOM.

Ponisi-Now, speaking of great men, what do
you think Of Napoleon Boaaparte?
Miss Poindexter (from Phiiadelphia) -Pshaw!
he was nobody. Who was his grandfather?
Miss Bnnkerill from Boston)-I don't think he
could have amounted to much he had no middle
name.
Miss Gotham (from New York; --How much
was he worth?
Miss Porclne from Chicago did he make his
money before the fire or since?
Miss Montespan (frem st. Louis)-Dld he be-
long to one OF our old French families?
We know Lydia L. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound to be a really valuable remedy for diseases
peculiar to females
Smith-Sad event, the death Of our mother-n-
law Mr.. Jones, how does your wife stand the
Jones-o, she doesn't have to stand it; that all
comes upon me. Why, the easket alone cost me
$05.
All eases of weak or lame back, backache, rheu
matism, Sc, will find relief by wearing one Of
Carriers Smart Weed and Belladonna Backache
Plasters. Price % cents.
ia Glasgow draper during his first visit TO Eng
land stepped into an Episcopal church in the mid
lie OF the service, just to see what they did.
II hadna been well seated" he said when the
minister ava to the ither end cried out, Lord
preserve us alll' and then a the folk ABBOTT me
cried, Lord preserve us allr Preserve usl says
l. Did We never see man frae Glesca aforer
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound is
having big sale in this section and 1t deserves
its success. Its cures are wonderful.
A patient of physician received from him
the following prescription:
II. Tine. Jennie, OF Nv.
Sig.-Shake and apply externally
II was given to a drug clerk to be put up, but he
did not know what tincture Of Jenne",was, and
il was given 10 the head clerk, who knowing that
the name of the doctors betrothed was JENNIE
smeled large-sized mouse He took it TO the
doctors office and the latter corfusedly explained
aed IL a wis baye Wte the Word i s Ike pr
Scrpti0n which he was about TO write IN the let
ter when interrupted.
A Dude, beautiful tghttrowsered dude,
slipped on loose stone and bruised his dainty
ankle. The gentle patient is doing well. He uses
Salvation OIL
Many children have coughs and colds now, and
should have bottle of DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup.
If one hasn't ancestors 1t is just as well to have
the courage of ones lack of them young girl
who came from Chicago TO Boston was shown by
Yankee grl Of excellent family some ancestral
girl, "haye been in our family during seven gen
erations."
"Seyen generatiOns." EXCLAIMED the Chicago
girl "Well," and she shrugged her shoulders,
II don't know whether ever had grandfather
or not; but ] do know that If did have one, he
didn't use Dishes"
Carter's Little Liver Pills are free from al
crude and irritating matter Concentrated medi-
cine only; very small; very easy to take, no
pain. no gripping; no purging.
s.what queer things there are in the w0rld!i
said Mr.. Brown. looking up from a book of tray
els which he had been perusing, Here 1t says
that New Guinea savage gives friendly saluta-
tion by pinching his nose and patting his stomach
at the same time. What do you suppose such
performance signihes?''
THAT you can lead man by the nose when his
stomach IL FULL returned Mrs. Brown, promptly.
''Ihose New Gnin9a savages must be very sensi-
BILE race"
Your tongue is coated and stomach deranged
DIR. Souie's Pills are what you need.
Mrs sInks-And so you have been TO Niagara
again? There have been many reforms in the |
manner of treating strangers there, understand
Mrs Vinks-So ] heard before ] started but |
1t is not so.
"Just as extorti0nate as ever, then?'
s'Yes-well, let me see. did notice one change"
THAT Is encouraging"
Eyes they do not charge anything now to go |
where you can hear the falls roar"