The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1886-09-01

Here is my theology II Is all need
If oo want to do good God will help you
to do good, and if you wantto 40 bad the
devil will help you. That's enough the
ology for anybody.
have heard Of churches which claim
ed 10 be the only churches Of God The
old hard shells 10 II ! believe. ! dont
know how they arr up heEe, but It they
scA The game a. they are down IN oeor-
,ia the Lord has turned over the whole
business 10 q mighty ignorant crowd.
sympathy r = good deal better than
d;gn;tv have seen some old preacher
oct ND in his pulpit and he looks ike he
was five miles away. and he has got dig
uitv enough to i'll two worlds Dignity
is the starch Of a shroud- When ! die
and am living cold and stiff in nay eotin,
IN have a. much dignity a. anybody,
but | am never going to be dignited nj
| do die.
N,w some sis,sr. ] expect, viii turn up
her nos at me heszase am not digni-
fed Rless YOU. the devil has got a mort
gspr on that nose, and he will forelose II
some Of these DAYS, and get the old gi
with it too.
We have got 10 learn that money VIII
belp A man TO heaven just like II Nlii
helm him Ia New York. ] can getto New
York without 4 cent, but ] will have TO
walk every step. and beg my bread along
the road. You can get 10 heaven without
a cen but YOU viii lind Jordan a very
hard road TO travel,
A man who lives under the cook stove
and sleeps il the pantry belongs to the
animal tribe. A man who lives in the
library. with the finest authors, Is an In
tellectual man. The man who walks arm
in arm with God il a spiritual man
1t is not the mysteries Of the Bible that
bothers me. II Is the Ten Command
ments. II is % hard TO live up to them.
It l. not the mysteries Of the Bible that
hurts me. 1t is the Sermon on the
Mount
MANY a little climbin-headed fellow
the main object Of his life in this world
is 10 find out who is-the father Of Mel
chisidek-if he only knew that, he would
be elected for all time.
There Isl little old, dishonest man out
there with thimble full Of brains, who
saws:
If God shoots that big cannon at me
Tn going 30 be converted" little old
SPARROW sits on a rail saving, when a
cannon ball hits me / am going to fly
There viii be neither flesh nor feathers
left Of the little sparrow when q ball like
that hits. tod doesn't shoot cannon balls
AZ snow birds.
Your papers copied with a good deal Of
eush. what a preacher in Baltimore said
about me. A preacher jumped on me
and went for me with hisspurs on. Well,
sir. the next day | said "Who Is tins
old case jumping on me here 2' And they
said: Hes the preacher that the liquor
dealers hired 10 deliver a lecture for
them" "Well,0 said, u understand the
old coon now. lie Is hired on the other
side DO you see
What II slang? l viii tell you what 1t
is. II Is three or four of-our English
words run into one-concentrated. Slang
is nothia-withou, a - on the end Of
it-but concentrated English language.
Yod great old Ounce. That Is some
more slang. amt il? That is n Of u
finest. purest English words. Some Of
you think that tote is slang. There Is not
a purer. better English wordin Webster's
Dictionary. | believe here you all rack"
it.
l can beat YOU all to death pleasing the
folks. DO you know how do not care
whether ! please them or not. But they
Just run in here by the thousands
One trouble with you indianapolis
folks Is that you are hide bound, ike an
old Texas steer. He viii never fatten
while the sun shines until you can grow
religious. You all need the currycomb
more than YOU need corn. There Is as
much religion in laughing as in crying.
But if you don't live right, be as solemn
as the grave every day, for you ought 10
be solemn.
To-day there are ten children born to
parents where one soul is born to Christ
The meanest man | ever knew was A
church member, and the best man | ever
knew was a church member.
There is but one road of humanity in
the human universe. Hell IL at II end
of the road and heaven is at the'other.
Some of these Methodist preachers are
talking infant baptism, while all the
grown people are going TO hell.
1t is time we threw away our little iron
hooks and threw our seines into the nv
er of the world and catch fish for God.
Some of our people are Christians.
Perhaps nine-tenths of you belong to the
church, but Eve found that don't mean
much.