Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1886-05-22

man, I would lick you quickern'n a
spring lamb can jump thistle"
"What for? am stating this case
fairly, am not? Your wife is no
longer young. She is no longer hand
some. Her hands are as hard as a
local editors cheek, and she has
stopped over a milk can until she has
a hump on her back like peddler."
"Shut up, will you?"
"She has raised four children. One
of them is at college. One is taking
music lessons at Boston. The other
two are teaching school. She is at
home alone, gong around in tread
mill life which will end in crossword
coffin and a first-class country funer-
AL"
"Stop that, professor, will you?"
"While you are still handsome
man, with just enough gray in your
whiskers to make you look interest
ing. No doubt you have been think
ing of some nice young girl of eigh-
teen who would jump at the chance
to marry your thirty cowsandtwenty
acres of hops"
professor, l won't stay here if you
don't let up on that"
"And your wife does not look we'll
in that new Watertown wagon, so
you take your hired man and neigh
bors' girls to meeting. Your wife
never goes anywhere, so you do not
get her watch like your own, nor a
silk dress, nor pony that she could
drive, nor basket ph@ton that she
could climb into without a ladder.
She never says anything, soyou have
not got her a set of teeth like your
own gold and rubber, but she has to
gum it until her nose is pushed up
into her forehead, and her face wrink-
les like burnt boot. She never goes
out, so she does not dye her hair as
you do yours, but it lookslikea milk
weed pod gone to seed. She has to
work in the kitchen, so she gets no
nice toothpick shoes like yours, but
goes humping around like sheep
in dry-goods box"
"Darn my skin if l don't -"
"No you won't; you will just let
her work right along, and then you
will marry some high-fyer who will
pull every hair out of your head, and
serve you right, too"
professor, for mercy's sake do
stop"
"When you know, and ] know,
that if your wife had chance to rest,
and had nice clothes like other wo-
men, she would be one of the hand
soonest women in the town."
81 swan / believe it,"
"And, old as she is, if you were to
get out the carriage next Sunday, and
drive around with the colts, and tell
her you wanted her to 60 to meeting
with you, she would actually blush
with pleasure"
"Darned if | don't do ito
"Then Monday, if you were to tell
her that you were going to hire girl,
and that she must sit in the sitting
room by that new nickle-plated coal
stove, and work on that new silk you
are going to buy her"
Professor, that's me-"
"And then hand her a nickle wal
let with steel clasps, and with five
nice new twenty dollar notes in it,
and tell her to do her own trading
after this, because you haye got tired
looking after so much money"
II will as sure as l live"
"And then when the tears start in
her eyes, and the same old blush
comes out that you thought was so
nice when you went on that teeter to
Albany, if you would just kiss her
-
"It's all right, professor"
"Then, my friend, would begin
to think she had made something by
marrying rich man."
"You're right, old man."
"Then l think you would no longer
have a miserable wife. Then you
would no longer want to rent or sell
the farm, but would be showing the
mother of your children how much
you respected her for her life of devo.
ton. Then she would know that she
was partner in that 100000. Then
if you made your will all right, and
she had a good rest, l think she would
sometime be an eligible widow"
"Think so, professor ?n