Morning journal and courier., 1886-04-01

PUSHED

The hands of toy watch are pushed fo1 ! time.-Burlington Free Press. The Maternal Instinct-s'Look 'ere, Sal!' yelled Travis county, Texas, woman to the oldest girl; "don't bend over that well so fur. You'll fall in there some of these days and then we'll have to get our drinkin' water from the creek. ."-Texas Sift- ings.
 More of the Greek reserves have just been called out. As they were reported to be all under arms long ago, these fierce warriors
 must be called out and called in and called out again, and generally made to do duty for as many times themselves as if they were mem
 bers of one horse Uncle Toms Cabin con- pany.-Macon Telegraph.
 The butler of an English woman of fashion was overheard discussing the vicissitudes of life with fellow servant. s'My dear feller, , he ejaculated; ''I am afraid that our people are going in for economy. Only fancy, at the party yesterday evening I see with my own eyes my lady and Miss Hisabel playin' on one piano at the same time!"
 ''Were you in Washington when that dreadful poem, 'Ostler Joe,' was read, Mrs Bareshoulderss" "Yes, I was present, and more disgusting exhibition I never saw in my life. I was one of the first to leave the room. That poem ought to be driven out of print" "Is it 50 terribly bad, then?" Bad? It is the tamest, fattest thing you ever l disappointed in my life. e."-Brooklyn Eagle
 As specimen of genuine Irish 'sbull' it would be hard to excel the following: Capt Kennedy, who some weeks since returned from Ireland, was exhibiting to 8 number of friends cane of blackthorn which he brought back with him. f'It is very heavy" remarked one. "Yes, it is," replied Ken nedy with animation. 'sYou see, in Ireland there two kinds of thorn tree. One is the black, like this, and it is very heavy. The other is light in color like hickory, and it is light in weight, very light. Why, sir, 1t is so light you can carry ton Of 1t" The laugh that went up could be heard across the river.-St. Paul Pioneer Press.
 Mrs. Blank-Weil, I am in need of girl, and if you can do all you say you can, l might try you.
 Caller-An' shure, mann, it isn't the loikes of me as wants the job.
 Mrs. Blank-Why, didn't I understand you to say that you could cook, iron, and 80 forth?
 Caller--No indade, nam. I'm the advance agent of the Cook Ladies' Protective assoshi- ashun, an I'm 1ayin out route fer the ladies. Now have an illigant cook that's got couple of weeks disengaged, and if yer'n keep still in the house, mann, she won't throw anything at yer. An, nam, I kin read in yer eye that Kate OSheey's the gyurl fer yer.-Tid Bits.
 Last St. Patrick's day was to be celebrated with great spirit in certain western town and meeting was held to decide about the torchlight procession. ''Misther Chair man," said a speaker, II move ye, in con sideratiou of the condition of the star-rviug poor of Oirland, that we do not spend the money for new tor-rches, but use some second hand ones lift over from the Garfield 'sMisther Chairman" said an other citizen, sfOi'am not in favor of as foine-formed body of min as the St. Pat rick's club walking down the street and the gur-rls looking on, with secondhand torches; and oi move, SOFT, that the club purchase the bist torches in the market thim that's advertised in the papers" ''What torches is thim that's advertised?" ''The bist-Brown's Bonical Torches.'- Harper's Weekly.