The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-18
HUMOR.

ALWAYS well posted-a good fence
Ir is rain or shine with bootblack.
A RoUsISG appeal-"Time to get up.
How TO get rid of surplus milk -
cheese it.
WOMAN of the world Ito youthful ad-
mirer)-"You seem to know a great
deal of married life. Are You married.
Merritt with blase air)-"No, but my
father is. "-The Judge.
He (entreatingly)-"Won't you give
me this next waltz, Miss Violet?" She
tcoquet shly)-"Perhaps. II you press
me-" "rhe bold horrid thing-Pll do
that as we dance. Life.
SAYS Victor Hugo: During battle
let us be the enemies of our enemies,
and after victory their brothers" But
that wi | depend largely on how the
enemy feels if the enemy happens to DO
the victor -BoStOn Courier.
A LADY in a railway carriage took
out her purse, took therefrom SIX
pence, and handed it to a well-dressed
man who was smoking. What is tAs
for?" asked the smoker. Its to buy
you good cigar when you smoke In
the presence of ladies" was the reply.
"ARE che ks fashionable now" asked
highly dressed dude of his tailor as
he looked over his goods. Il don't be-
lieve they are, sir, was the reply, for
| haven't seen any around lately" He
looked so hard at the young man when
he said it that it caused an absence In
the shop very rapidly.
"WAsN'r Herod an old man before he
learned to dance?' little girl asked
of her mother. "Why, my child, whAt
on ca tn pat that in yoar head!
Nothing much, only L was reading IN
my Sunday school lesson that the
daughter of Herodias danced before
Herod." The little girl had to dance
off to bed.-Teras Siftings.
A WOMAN in Vermont is the mother
of twenty-seven children, all living;
and they do say that when Christmas
time comes around, her unfortunate
husband just goes out in the deep dark
woods all alone by himself and lies
down on the cold snow under q grow
ing Christmas tree and weeps and
weeps as if h $ heart would break
Cambridge Chronicle.
"MR. JONES'" said the end man, with
the insin sating voice for which he
ceased to be famous some time during
the reign of Elizabeth, ",an you tell
NE how to invest money so that it viii
go the farthest?" mo, Mr.. Thomp-
son, / am not aware that i can. How
do you invest money so that it will go
the fartbest?" "Why, YOU buy postage
stamps, to be sure. "-Tid-Bits.
GOOD ADVICE
my son, = the do ICON wisely said,
And sage wa ged mis- aged head.
Take note of ali III Lt's & jod you see,
Ignors whnte 'er MAJ evil be.
| Should pugil st meet you some day,
Insult You rs yOu wond your way,
Should call Won names and should decry
Your prowess, do 10 title try.
Just take no note OF him.
And il amid your daily work
You see n man who'll ever shirk
Tho labor that he ought t. do;
Who drinks, aud drin4s quite often, too;
Who's fai ed IN business t IN ti.ue' Ger.
Who's apt to fail some ten tim IS more,
Who CANDLES and quit larg, ly bets,
And no yer pays his honest deots,
Why, take no note OF him
"WHAT you want" said a physi-
clan to Dakota editor who came 70
coAsult him, lis absolute rest mentally
and more physical exercise for a feN
months" Mustn't think at alp" mo,
sir" "And take all the outdoor exes-
else possible?" That's it exactly"
Tut how am L going to get my liv-
ing?" well. my advice to you is 70
go to Washington and start such COZ
respondence bureau as you have been
| getting letters from TOR the last year.
Writing the letters will give your mind
| just the rest it needs while lodging
! yo r board bill will bring the exer-
| else. - ESteline Bell.