The Washington critic., 1886-05-15
1rArnAI.nNn oN,ri,rAAN

IEHiHAI. "S,Itt CHNW.
Tie Wasmpltcu -.1.} n1y WHO h's
teen suffering with the antique fucni,ar,
crase has hud stroke VI paralysis. shs
bought very rare old btd,tead, carried 1t
home aud set II mp in the mIdst OF much
other rare furniture, haugings, aud 50 forth,
aud In a week or 50 she found the whole
place infested with that charming and de-
llghtful little round, red, malodorous
summer visitor, the cimcl iccid1-
RUS Moral: In buying old be1steads get
only those that are depopulatod, and avoid
sofas with too many "reminiscences,
al understand Consul-General Pholau at
Halifax won't get his report on the Adams
seizure to the State Department this week."
remarked o reporter to Congressman
llemphill.
"Ah," responded Mr.. H.. "he must he
Phclan around for all the facts in the case,
! reckon"
The coming era-the cholera. Z. $.
This joke is perpetrated every time cramp
hAllhNt hu1 VI Nllt sNNlullilG
"Tm dead agln these internal tIe.ups,"
said the criminal, as the sheriff fixed the
moose about his neck.
"ls Miss Jones imp asked the young man
Of the servant at the front door.
"No, sab, she am not" was the positive
reply.
eco aud sec,n he commanded. "Wheu
called last, you told me she was not in aud
size came down herself .and contradiated
you"
"she am not in now, sab; Use sho' she
haiu't.n
GLOW do you know"
"Shr seen you comic In de front gate
suh, an She told tne herself DAT she wasn't
IN. | haln't making no mistake dis time,
sab, sho' ~
The man who created sensation in the
rotunda of the Capitol yesterday was prob
ably under the impression that fashionable
d,c0h,iC ball was billed for that locality.
The Chicago Npa is so thoroughly alb
sorled IN its crusade against the strect-car
lines and It's fight on the mo seat no fare
principle, that II has entirely neglected
the American Eagle, the Fourth OF July,
the Odum Of Treason, Constitutional Liberty
and all those subjects which are dear to
the heart Of every true american Journal Of
progress and freedom.
As the Senate will not permit Lynchburg,
Va, TO have Button in It's postollice,
hadn't the Senate better furnish Il nail or II
peg to fasten the door with
Those twelve cranks of Newton, Iowa,
who petitoned the Senate to abolish itself,
haven't even the poor satisfaction o ( seeing
their names in print. Why don't they go
over to Chicago and Join the Anarchists
Major Bell of the Los Angeles (Col) Por-
cUpipo was recently fined 500 for contempt
of court. The Major no doubt thought he
had bargain.
"Daniel,m remarked the President yester-
day morning, as he sat at bis desk with his
head in his hands
"Yes, sire" responded Daniel.
"What time is it, Daniel?"
"lIalf-past ten, sire, standard timc.n
"Where is Bissell, Daniel?n
"He hasn't got up yet, sire"
"Poor fellow Poor fellow" sighed the
President.
"What is wrong, sre?" inquired the See-
retary in deep anxiety.
"Nothing, Daniel. Only | feel that q
heavy weight is bearing down upon me-
"Possibly it is malaria, sire.'
"Daniel, are those New York editors 10
town yetgn inquired the President not heed
ing the last remark OF his Secretary.
"They leave this afternoon, sire,"
"Thank heaven for thatl Oh, Daniel
| Daniel, may you, as the years crown you
| with their triumphs, never be compelled tc
sit up through all the long dark hours Of
the night, making yourself solid with the
editors of your native State. 1t is very
| pleasant, Daniel, only too pleasant, while
| IL lasts, but when the dull cold gray of til,
morning comes and brings the 'gettinl
over IT, then is the anguish, then the bit
terness, Daniel Oh, Bissell, Bissell
would | were with thee now," and tn,
President rested his head upon the desk
and Daniel laid his cooling hand upon tn,
aching brow.
The man captured In the Capitol rotund
yesterday in nude condition had the let
ters Il. n. engraved In India ink in his arm
| q. l., g.. H.,