The Wilmingtonian., 1886-08-21
A New Invention.

Hostetter McGinnis and KusciusRo Murphy
Were talking about one thing and another
and at last the conversation drifted to BARRIERS.
Murphy-Iye tried good many different
BARRIERS, and my impression is that they cause
baldheadcdness. They talk their customers
baldheaded They just talk the hair right off
their customers heads. My present barber is
the best one l ever had. He has partially lost
his voice, and cannot speak above whisper.
McGmiS-Allow me to congratulate you.
Murphy-There is not much cause for CON
graduation after all You ought TO hear him
whisper. He never stops minute, and to in
sure length of life, to himself, of course, he
chew, garlic. 1t is almost enough to make
a man prefer death, but he has fewer discrep-
ancics than any other Ealber | ever saw.
McGinnis-It is strange that barber has
not got sense enough to keep his mouth shut
a ton-orial artist, physionomical hair dresser,
facial operator, Uranium manipulator and
capillary abridger by the name of Smith, in
New Jersey, who lost his voice entirely, is
now doing rushing business
Murphy-Is there no remedy!
Met iimis-l think there is. A law should
he passed compelling BARRIERS to wear during
business hours an iron mask with chimney
that would carry of-not carry on--the CON
versaIion. 1t is impossible to make a barber
| keep quiet, but am going to get n patent out
| for my invention, blibe congress to pass the
! law, and then my fortune will bn nude
/ IrAit> ~iitIruS
/ Ancient Methods of Measuring Time.
No wonder the ancicnts didn't grt along in
the world as well ns the people OF to-day
they lost too much time Aud the reason
/ they lost time was because of their imperfect
ways Of measuring it, They had to depend
| on the sun dial for the most lrl'i. \ sun
dial might he very useful when there was any
sun, hut it was entirely useless on cloudy days
and during the night In the latter case the
trulut husband inclined to hang out late
pruiitrd much 1t might lc two o'clock in
the morning when lie crrpt in. but lie could
swear it was only 10, and his pnur wife had
no way of proving that he was lNing. 1t re
moves much of the bitterness of Il lie when
you rmt prove it on a fellow.
The Greeks and Romans, Of wllomwe have
occasion to speak occasionally, although this
is not a strictly classical journal, hud an i'm
prpyomcnt ON the sun dial, which they could
resort to when the sun dial was on a strike
for eight hours as n days work IL was Il
largt jar tiled with water, and Il hole was
inalr in the bottom through which the water
could escape The flow Of the water told off
the hoglS 1t was called the clclsy,lra, which
means The water steals away"
Sometimes an old Roman who lad been
drinking good many Roman punches before
going TO bed would wake up in the silent
watcEns-wc mean sun dials-Of the night
parchrd with thirst No other liquid being
handy he would drink the contents Of hi
clepsylin. That stopped the clock, Of course
and lp would cvcrlastingly lie abed waiting
for morning TO come. He would never mis-.
the water till the clepsydra was dry.
King Alfred burned candles TO tell til,
time by, each candle lasting two hours.
dozen candle, would make one day, though
he got little confused when the grocer, il
order to hold the royal patronage and adver
tisa himself us the special candle maker fo
the king, gave him thirteen for Dozen
There are few kings since Allre1's tim
who could make note Of time in that manner
/ because so many of them were in the habit o
! burning their candles at both ends.-Tcxa
| SiftmgS