The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1886-02-26
VOL. XXXI----NO. 8.
VARIETIES.

| VIVA is harder IMAM earning money
Collecting it.
Without content, we shall find it almost
as difficult to please others as ourselves.
The Chinese have proverb that every
man who rules himself is King.
The way to please is not 10 display your
superiority it is TO conceal it from being
| perceived.
| Though we travel the world over to find
the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or
we find it not
| AS rule lawyers are brave class of men.
| "Its conscience that makes towards of us
| ALL" you know
Don't do unnecessary work because your
grandmother did. There was not half so
much to be done in her day
Every man has his chain and his clog,
only it is looser and lighter to one man than
another and lie is more at ease who takes it
up than lie who drags it,
Jimmy, when told that he was made of
dust, stoutly refused to believe it, saying
quickly: "Then why don't soak TO mud
when Deanie puts me in the 'batf-tub p
If we had not within ourselves the prin-
ciple Of bliss, we could not become blessed.
The grain of heaven lies in the breast, as the
germ of the blossom lies in the shut seed.
"A woman will face frowning world and
cling to the man she loves through the most
bitter adversely, but she wouldn't wear n hat
that was out of style to save the Government
"A Kansas man points with pride" to
the fact that his wife has worn one bonnet
for twenty-five years. The feeling with
which the wife points to the husband has
not been described
PA, who was Shylock ?" Paterfamiias
with look of surprise and horror)-"Great
goodness boy; you attend church and Sun
day school every week, and don't know who
Shylock was Go read your Bible, sir"
One of the cruelest retors ever made by
any musical audience is reported from Cali
fornia. A vocalist was warbling, TO her own
great satisfaction, 30, would were bird"
A rough miner replied: 30, would l were
a gun"
-"Good morning, Mrs. Gilligan; how is
Patrick this morning?" "Sure, he's no bet
ter, sir" "Why don't you send him TO the
hospital to be treated % "To be treated, is
it? Faith an it's the delarium trimmins he
has already"
1T is simply absurd TO talk about wo-
man being qualified to fill every position in
life that man fills For instance what
woman could lounge around the stove in a
country grocery and lie about the number of
fishes she caught last summer.
God requires of us faithfulness in the
performance of our duties and nothing is
duty which we are unable to do. All we can
perform is one thing at a time, taking up
each duty and doing it without troubling
ourselves with anything beyond.
Mrs. All Pin, the wife of the Chinese
trie in np =
pins. She got indignant the other day, be.
cause somebody mpudently called her "doll
baby" and said she'd soon let 'em know
what sort of an All Pin she was
--Parson Potter, of Texas, was taking up
collection. The wife OF n poor frontiersman
threw in five-dollar gold piece The parson
told her husband that perhaps she had made
mistake. mo, parson; Nancy don't fling in
often, but when she filings she filings"
-Prof-"I vas going to give me a penefft
concert. Could sold you a few tickets?
Won dollar each" Victim.-"Yes; you may
you vot do. You give me fife dollars unit
wont give no concert. Den We both make
money amt it -
-"Mildred,' said the school girls mother,
"hand me my cookery book. They are MAX
ing kind of preserve up the Kennebec river
that | never heard of before, and | want to
see if it is in" what kind of preserve is
it, mammal" They call it an ice jam, and
I'd just like to know how it's made, because
ice is cheaper now than in the summer"
YES" said an old man, visiting the
in his native town after long years
ofabsence, and reading an iption-'Here
lies Sam Brownlow'-I might have known he
was lying somewhere, for he never told the
truth that can remember of in all his life
But it's kinder mean throwing it up to him
that way after he's dead and gone and can't
hit back"
well we are penniless, or mighty near
it," he said as he reached home and threw
the evening paper to his wife.
"Wh-what is it 2"
The Mechanics Bank has busted, and we
had four thousand dollars on deposit there"
But, Richard" she said after glancing at
the article, "the President says he hopes to
pay all depositors in full"
And didn't | say the same to my creditors
when failed in the grocery business and did
a single one of them receive five cents on the
dollar ?" he howled.
Herr Pumpgern still lies in bed. A knock
at the door. "Come int" Herr Pumpgern's
tailor steps into the room. "Ah, it's you,
Herr Sickle! suppose you have brought
my account? ?" "Imake so bold, Herr Pump.
germ you see | am rather short of money"
"Short of money, are your Just open my
desk yonder-see that drawer?" Herr Stick
lie opens drawer, it is empty. Then Herr
Pumpgern says: mot this the other one"
Herr Sickle opens a second drawer-empty,
too. Herr Pumpgern observes: 81 do not
mean that one; it's the one below Herr
Sickle obeys. well, what do you see in
it ?" asked Herr Pumpgern. "A pile of pa
pers nothing besides" is his reply, "That's
the one-those are my bills Place yours on
top of the rest" replied Herr Pumpgern,
cheerily, and adding, Good morning, Herr
Sickle" he calmly turned on his other side.