davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06
A Marrow Escape.

An oldish, thick set man, with
side whiskers and a bald head, got
on the train at Amsterdam the 9TH
err day to come into the city, and he
was obliged TO take a sat alongside
of q young man who wore eye glass.
es and parted his hair in the middle
The oldish man seemed annoyed be-
cause he couldn't get seat alone
and the young man took no pains to
conceal the fact that he was mad at
being disturbed.
"The place for dudes said the
old man, as he wriggled around, sis
in the baggage-car."
"And the place for hogs replied
the other, is on q freight train
slim. How do know YOU aren't
a pickpocket?n
"And how do know you aren't
murderer
.'H'ml l think I'd better call the
conductor
Don't give yourself away, old
man,
Don't you talk that way to me. 7
"And don't you try to blur me.
At that moment the conductor
came along, and rs he took the old
ish mans ticket he gave both
sharp look, and said:
"lf one of you try any of your
tricks on this train I'll make it the
saddest event Of your lives
"H'ml 'Scuse me- said the old
ish man to the dude as the conduc-
tor passed on. II didn't know you
belonged to the purfesh."
"And 'scuse me, partner, I'm just
out of the cooler, and don't know
any of the new gang. Let's shake"
N. Y. Star.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06
He Haxin'G Been at Gettys-
hvrw

mo, | didn't lose that leg in the
war" replied a stranger yesterday,
as he leaned up against the cold wall
of the postoiiice. II used TO claim
that my lee was shot Off at the bait
tie of Antietam, but onezday some
thing happened to cure me of lying.
was stumping along the highway
in Ohio, and stopped at farm house
to beg for dinner.
"Where did YOU lose that leg ~
asked the woman
cat Gettysburg
"Sit down till | call my husband. 2
He came in from the barn. aud !
was asked who're my regiment was
stationed in the battle.
I'm the cemetery replied.
ooh! Well, Nny son Bin was In
in the cemetery, too. I'll call him
in.
Bill soon came in, and he wanted
to know what particular gravestone
! took shelter behind. | said it was
Scotch granite monument.
"0hw grunted Bill. My broth
er Bob was behind just such stone,
and I'll call him in.n
Bob came in, and he swore a
mighty oath that he was there alone.
He sort . pre-empted that monu-
ment, and remembered the inscrip-
ton TO q word. However, to give
me the benefit of doubt, was ask
ed to name my company and regi-
ment.
Company b. Fifth Ohio" I
promptly answered.
"Ohl Brother Jim was in that
company. I'll call him in.''
Jim came in, took a square look
at me an remarkcd:
stranger, our regiment was not
within 900 miles of Gettysburg dur
ing the war;
81 said Twenty-ffth! or course
the Fifth wasn't there
"Oh! I'll call in my brother Aaron.
He was in the Twenty-fifth."
Aaron came in, called me wood
en-legged liar, and | was pitched
over the fence into the road. They
have got this war business down so
fine that you can't 60 around play
ing roots on the country no more,
and the best way is to own right up
that you got in the way of locomo-
tive.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06
Mann Rallied.

"Rr-rrl' went the telephone in
the Gratiot Avenue station the other
day, and when the captain called
Hello" a voice inquired;
"Are you the police %
"Yes; who are your
"a boy! There's big row up
here y
"Where?',
son ST Aubin. I'll tell you if it's
necessary to send the wagon
Things were quiet for moment,
then the telephone rang again.
swell, how is it?" asked the cap
tain.
'Purty serious, but I'll telephone
you again
There was an interval of three min
utes before the captain was rung again
"Well?p
"You needn't send the wagon.
There were three of 'em. They had
lost goose. They said we had it.
Nam called 'em liars. They sailed in.
They got mann between the woodshed
and the goosepen and made the hair
fly, but mann found club and rallied,
and you orter see them women climb
Nam holds the fort and the goose.
Good-byel"
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06
Language of the Game.
SOMETHING DUDES MAY STUDY WHILE
THEY SUCK THE SILVER HEADS.

THEY SUCK THE SILVER HEADS.
Detroit Free Press.
To tap on the pavement at every
step means: "Object is no money to
me--I'm am trying to wear out the
ferule.o
To poke person in the ribs with
it-who is standing up on chair
three rows ahead of the pokist at
smuggling match, insinuates "Down
in front
To hurriedly slip it down the
pantaloons-leg and walk along with
in concealed therein, evidences that
it has previously been feloniously
"msgnetized" from some hall rack
and the rightful owner is approach
ing
To point with it at rare old
painting in a picture gallery indi-
Gates that the check boy was asleep
when the visitor came through the
entry door.
To carry the upper end in the
overcoat pocket, with the bottom
part sticking straight up in front
signifies that the nickle plate had
worn off from the bogus leaden
head, and the same would blacken
the dudelet's tan-colored glove il
held in his hand.
To carlessly but gracefully drop
it denotes the exhilaration of too
much high-priced fine wine abroad !;
while to awkwardly get cntangled up
among the legs and plum the bear
er forward on his nasal abutment,
sadly goes to prove q wholesale con-
sumption Of common five-cent red,
red liquorl
To pedestrianize ON a crowded
sidewalk with it run through the
akimhoed elbows and across the
back--with ends projecting beyond
each arm-intimates that there is
plenty of room out in the middle Of
tie street for other people who don't
care to be swiped off into the gutter
in passing.
To hold it in the centre, with the
handled portion downwards, is in
tended by the efieminine 'Smower"
to demonstrate this Jaw, this stick
is weakly so pawsitiycly top 'eavy,
aw, that I-neyah 'aying been used
to manual labah, aw, find it widicu-
lousy weighty burden, aw"
To present it, nicely engraved to
a trusted clerk on New Years day
as a recognition of "long and faith
full servlce,' conveys the sorrewful
fact to the t. c. that We employers
act is an economical "stave-off''
against his hireling's hoped-for raise
in salary.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06

Some people estimates the ability
of periodical and the talent Of its
editor by the quality Of it's original
matter. It is comparatively an easy
task for a irothy writer to string out q
column Of words upon any aud ali
subjects. His ideas may flow ia one
weak washy, everlasting food, and
the command of bis language may en-
able him to string them together
like punches of onions, and yet his
paper may be but meagre and poor
concern. Indeed, the mere writing
part of editing a paper is but small
portion of the work. The care, the
time employed in selecting, is far
more important, and the fact of a
good editor is better shown by his
selections than anything else; and
that, we know, is half the battle.
But we have said, an editor ought
to be estimated, his labor understood
and appreciated, by the general con-
duct of his paper-its tone, its uni
form, consistent course, aims, manli-
ness, dignity, and it's propriety,-
Courier Journal
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06

"Curious how ones feelings ret
blunted By the sight Of blood and
horrors" says Sir Charles Wilson, in
bis new narrative of the Nile expeh
ton. "There was enc strange Incl
dent. An unwounded Arab, armed
with spear, jumped up aud charged
an officer. The officer grasped the
spear with his left hand, and With his
right ran bis sword throuellthe Arabs
body; and there for a few seconds,
they stood, the officer being unable
to withdraw his sword until d man
ran up ard shot the Arab. ri was 4
living embodiment Of ono of the old
gladiatorial frescoes of Pompeii IT
did not strange to say, seem horrible;
rather, after what ha3 passed, an
everyday occurrence. ] used to won
der before how the Remaus conld look
on NJ tho eladitorial fchts; do SO no
longer. Y
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06
THE Old cANTEEN.

As searched to day the attic
In tile farm house old and gray,
Where n years to me so sacred
TO the war / marched away;
Hid amid the dust and rubbish
Where tue cobwebs intervene,
There | found relic precious,
My old army Santeen.
Tho the cloth was worn to TAFT rs
And the rust was thick o'erspread;
Tho its strap had long since parted
With the clasps il once had we'd,
Yet IL seemed to me a treasure
Shining bright with golden sheen
Lighting up the place with glory
Where | found the old eanteen.
Back It carried me in fancy
To that day--Our first review,
When we marched adown the village,
Clad IN patriotic blue,
Guns that shone like FURNISHED silver,
Bright against the summer green,
And the box and knapsack polished,
With that army TIN canteen.
Where are those that marched that NOR
ming,
Elbow touching elbow so true?
Many sleep. but few are waiting
For that silent last review;
Gun ana kn1psack long nave vanished
Mid the years that intervene,
This alone Oh all remaining
My old army tin canteen.
Mid the march, and mid the battle,
Ii was ever near to me;
Sick or weary, tired or wounded
1T was true as friend could he,
And when home at last returning
Two old comrades neared the scene,
One a soldier, manned and wounded,
One the army tin canteen.
We have Older grown together,
Veterans from the soldier days,
And sight of it hath Weakened
Dearest memories to my gaze.
Long will / the treasure cherish,
And when death shall close the scene
May they place us both together,
Me and thee, my old canteen.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06
The Worm Turned.

A father had been lecturing his
young hopeful upon the evils of stay
ingsout late at night and getting up
late in the morning
"You never will amount to any
thing,,' he continued, unless yop
turn over q new leaf Remember
that the early bird catches the worm"
"How about the worm, father, I'm
CURED the Young man, wasn't he
rather foolish to get up SO early n
"My son. replied the old man,
solemly, ''that worm hadn't been to
bed at all. He was on his way home'o
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06
Brolse SHE El.sse,. Egeart.

Sue REspEcrLuLIY DEcLiSep 70 MARRY
a COMPRESSED CIGARETTE.
Il say, Van Duden, old chappie, I'm
in how'd distwess. / was engaged
you know and it's bwoken- I mean
the engagement
"Dweadfully sowy How did it
happenf'
(" Well, you see, I've been dwead-
fully afwaid for some time that my
legs We're getting fat. You know
Fitznod. Devilish clevah fellah.
Welly he inuented some leg comp
wessers for fat dudes. I've been stay
ing over Christmas down in q coun-
twy house with my financee. Tho
othah nigot theah was an alawm Of
fab and wushed to her room to save
her. | put on my dwessing gown,
but I forgot to take of those con-
founded compwessers. She saw them
you know, and she laughed aud, hang
it, she said she wouldn't NAVY .
compressed cigawette. That was
myself, you know
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06
AQ98Q-&s544gAa &
90: ol $50
& T would be the very place for
our picnic said Mr.. Elsley.

u
$50 it would, )" said Maude venner,
"only we can't possibly get it."
"Why can't we get it?" said Mr..
Elsley, turning the twin-moons of
his big-lensed spectacles upon her
with argumentative mildness.
Because insisted Maude. cit
belongs to Miss Rexford, and Miss
Rexford is one Of those opinionated
ladies who thinks children are worse
than all the plaques of Egypt, and /
don't think there is money enoughin
the bank to induce her to allow our
Sunday-school children to hold their
picnic in the Deep Hollow y
CHATS pity, too" said Mr.. Els
ley meditatively. at is such a syl-
van spot, with turf as close and fine
as velvet, and such delicious shade.
And the old nunlberry-tree in full
fruitage-how it would delight the
little ones! really think | must
see Miss Rexford myself upon the
subject
at would be of no earthly use,n
said Maude Venner, despairingly.
"But at all events, no harm can be
wrought by trying" said the clergy
man, gently.
"But you don't know Miss Rex
ford said Maude, impatiently.
~ can introduce myself"
Mr.. Elsley was the parish clergy
man, mild middle-aged gentleman,
very near-sighted, very soft and pro-
pitiatory in his manners, and quite
new to the parish of Davenport.
But he was an enthusiastic worker
and entirely devoted to his Sunday
schools, Bible classes, and religious
missions, and it rather distressed
him that Miss Rexford the mistress
of Deep Hollow, with its surround
ings Of outrageous woods and level
sweeps Of velvet turf had never been
to church
Perhaps" said the mild parson
to himself, II have been neglectful
of my duty. | will 20 there and
personally plead the cause Of the lit
tie ones to Miss Rexford. Peradven-
ture ! may meet with the guerdon Of
success
And so the parson but on his
broad-brimmed black straw hat and
black kid gloves, and set forth on
his mission.
The big iron gates were pad-locked.
That was the first check to Mr..
Elsley's enthusiasm.
Miss Rexford had been ANNOYED
with the pranks of marauding child
rem, who broke off her rhododendron
flowers and recklessly flung stones
at the sparrows and chirping birds
whom it was her especial fancy to
shelter and cherish, and she had con-
sequently hidden the gates to be
closed and fastened.
But Mr.. ElsIey, in nowise discour-
aged, scrambled through the hedge
and precipitated himself triumphant
ly upon Miss Rexford's gravol-walk.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06

Doctor" said despairing patient
to his physician. 81 am in dreadful
condition can neither lay nor set.
What shall do ?" I think you had
better roost,' was the reply. Now if
we consider that this poor fellow was
all contorted with rheumatism, the
doctor would have done much better by
prescribing bottle of Salvation Oil,
which would have relieved his patient
at once. Price rs cents bottle.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06
ped forward.

/ ped forward.
Man alive said she, in quick
abrupt accents, 'do you take that
scarecrow fora woman ~
Mr.. Elsley stared, still hanging on
the top bar of the fence.
"Isn't it Miss Rextord p said he
breathlessly.
"l'm Miss Rexford, "said she, "and
that is the scarecrow that the farmer
dressed mp last night to keep the
birds out Of the young cornl And
the bull is in quite another field,
only you don't see the wire fence
II beg your pardon said the par
son, covered with confusion. "I-I
went up to the house, but there was
no one at home, and so / came out
here, supposing, of course. that that
was Miss Rexford. I'm a little near
sighted, and I've been SO unfortunate
as to leave my glasses at home,
and
"a little near-sighted Y said the
lady, laughing good .humoredly. II
shonld think so. Pray walk in, Mr..
Elsley. I've heard great deal of
you, and Pm very glad to meet YOU
And thus pleasantly talking, she
ushered the confused clergyman into
the house. Could they have the use
of the Deep Hollow for the Sunday
school picnic OF course they could,
Miss Rexford pleasantly said. She
didn't like q swarm of children as u
general thing, but if the parson and
the teachers were there to superin-
tend, why, that was quite different
matter. And the little ones were
welcome to the mulberry-tree and it's
black and glistening treasures-and
Miss Rexford's man should put up
swings, croquet-arches, and benches
by the brock. she was very glad to
ohlige gentleman of whom she had
heard so much that was good and
self-denying.
Mr.. Elsley went home with great
satisfaction, and told Miss Venner
that he had succeeded, although he
went there minus spectacles, and
plus bulls and scarecrows.
Miss Rexford herself came down
to the Deep Hollow on the day of
the Sunday school picnic, and was
infinitely agreeable.
"She's not young, said Mr.. Elsley
afterwards, when some of the pretty
teachers rallied him on his evident
interest in the lady; "but she is very
sensible and agreeable-very, indeed.
And she's going to take a pew in
church; and | am delighted to see
how much she has thought upon
serious subjects, and"
And the next year, when the Sun
day school picnic met at Deep Hol-
low, Mr.. Elsley himself was the mas
ter Of the fair domain, and Mrs.
Elsley, "fair, fat, and forty" stood
by his side, smiling and hospitable,
to welcome all his guests. 1t was
an autumnal kind of a match-at
least so the sixteen-year-old girls
said-but it was happy one.
For you see, Mr.. Elsley was not
young himself, except in heart.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06

Uncle George-"And SO you go to
school now, Johnny? What part Of
the exercises do you like best?'
Johnny-"The exercises we get at
recess.r
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06

Enchanted Landl The beds Of To-
bella, calceolaria, and scarlet geran-
ium hlazed like spots Of eolored fire;
the great shadows Of beech and ma
+ pie trees swayed softly on the grass,
and here aad there the white CLEAN
of statue came through the trees.
BLESS met" said Mr.. Elsley to
himself. "this Miss Rexfora must be
person of means--a person Of
meansl / wonder If she couldn't be
induced to subscribe literally to our
Missionary Fund. This must be the
direct path to the house. l will
make the best Of my way to the
main entrance at once
But the great portico was deserted
the wide-open doors, while they
admitted air and sunshine, revealed
no dwellers beneath the lofty cell
ings.
Perhaps, " said Mr.. Elsley, they
are out in the plcasance at the back
Of the house. | will proceed to in,
vestigate."
He felt for his spectacles, meaning
to write a card and leave it on the
mosaic top of the hall table, but to
dismay they were nowhere to be
found.
"Dear me, dear me-" said the
clergyman in sore perplexity. II
must have left them in the pocket of
my other coat Well, l must do
the best | can without them"
And plunging along IN his old
near sighted way, the good man
started tor the walk at the back of
the house.
But neither here, there, nor any
where was anyone to be found, and
not until he had reached flourish
ing field of young corn at the rear
of the garden did he encounter any
thing like humanity.
Here. extending stern arm to-
wards him, as if to warn him away,
was strange figure in adingy black
dress, with an old-fashioned sun
bonnet dangling down over its eyes.
GLOW dye do, ma'am?" said Mr..
Elsley, pulling off his hat and bow
ing. miss Rexford, | presumed
Dear me, how extremely eccentric
she must be.) Very glad to make
your acquaintance, am sure. Q'm
almost certain she is nod1ing her
head to me-and think she beckons
me to come that way y Yes, ma'am
I-I-certainly-in half minute,
ma'am y
The good man was making active
preparations to climb over the pair
of bars which separated him from
the female figure and the green
blades of growing corn, when loud
growl struck with appalling signif-
canoe upon his ear, and brindled
bull, with his tail brushing his sides
and his head spicioasly near the
ground, came stalking along the
fence. Mr.. Elsley retreated in dis
may, but, to his great amazement,
the lady did not bulge step.
"Most extraordinary said Mr..
Elsley. "Costumes herself like a
German field-laborer, and makes pets
Of savage ball | have always heard
her mentioned as a peculiar person
age, but this exceeds all representa-
tions that have reached my ears.
Aheml Miss Rexfordl Ifyou will
allow me to advise you-n
Again the strange reckoning mo-
ton
"She's sending me back this time,
said the parson, involuntarily.
"She's motioning me to so away.
How have | been so unfortunate as
to offend her? A-hem-ni | merely
wish to say to you, Miss Rexford-p
But just here the bun gave
threatening plunge and below, and
Mr. Elsley, starting back a pace or
two, found himself treading on the
toes of gentle-loolling lady, in a
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06

1t is said that of the 10000 He
brews in New York City, not one is
the keeper Of grog shop.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06

There are now on the pension rolls,
1872 widows of soldiers of the war
of 1912.
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1886-08-07
Proceedings
OF rIIE-
POLICE JURY.
State OF louisiana. Parisl, Of Lllourci,e.

Thibodaux. La. July 18th. 1886.
Tue Police Jury. in and for the Parish of
La1rurctIe, resumed its session at = O'Clock
Z. NJ.
Present President Coulon and Mesqrs Girls
amore, Folse, kraemcr, Moran, Delaune.
Cherainie and Mathews.
Absent: Mr.. Seely.
Mr.. Grisamorr. seconded by Mr Delaune,
moved the adoption of the amendment to Or
dlnance No. lob. recommended bv the Com
inittee on brilnage in their report Just pre-
sentcd at this mornings session.
Yeas: Gri-amore, Folse, Moran, Kraemer.
Delaune and Chelamic
Nays: None. ),
Freius Srhexnalder. ALBERT IIebcrt and
Leonard Wehre, were elected Commissioners
of Sub. District No. /.
The appropriation of Sc 90 per month in IA.
vor OF Peter Lee was continued for u period
OF twelve months. to date from April Is. 1886.
ms District Attorney AMI President were
instructed to draft a Levee Ordinance to con-
form with the existing State Laws relative
to levees.
The matter of the withdrawal of the gate
on the Caillonet and Orange Grove Planta-
tons was laid over for future action.
A report from Road and Levee INSPECTOR of
district No. 8 was received he informs the
jury that in his District there are sew
erai cuts IN the levee made for the purpose
OF 'rrlgating rice action on the said report
was deferred.
A claim of $500 for the conveyance of sick
woman to the Charity Hosnital, by order OF
the President pro tenn. of the Jury, was appro
we'd and an appropriation made to pay the
same.
Yeas: Grisamore. Folse, Moran, Kraemer,
Delanne and Cheramie.
NAYS: None.
The jury then resolved itself into q Board
OF Reviewers for the purpose of reviewing
the Tax rolls i: no objection hovirg been
made by property holders to the assessment
ct their property rs listed, and the Jury he
ilevlng the asse ssment to I've fair and equit
able. til" rolls We're approved.
The Jury then adjourned till the 3rd Mon.
day of August, 1886.
ii. N. COULON,
President.
p. MILL LEBLANC,
Clerk.
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1886-08-07
THE WEATHER.
DeEOe'S Predictions.

The following weather forecasts for
August have been made by Prof. De
Voc for Mlessrs. E. C!audel and John
P. Hopkins. of this city;
1t will be one year on the 25th of
next month since they had the memor
able cyclone at Charleston, S. c. Our
cath has made it annual circuit, and
we are again approaching the cyclone
period. but the cyclone will not occur
on the same day nor visit tie same 10
c%alities as last year, and no severe cy
clone will visit Charleston this August.
but they will occur lower south, If we
could ascend and take a bird's-eye
view of the earth, we would see three
belts of weather extending over the
United States, We see a belt of very
wet weather extending over the South
Atlantic and Middle States, cool, pleas