davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27
. - , 7-Tsl7 :
NEAT N ESS.
A Trait Which Is Both Real and Appar'
ont.

1t may refer to looks and to its reali-
ties. In the estimation of physiolo-
gist, that woman is not neat who al
lows her family to breathe the air of the
sleeping-room over and over again,
with closed doors and windows, or who
cooks either her chickens or her shellfsh
without removing the entrails! That
man is not really neat who sleeps in the
same clothing worn by day, or sleeps
in bed which is made as soon as it is
vacated without ''airing," with. ali of
the foul gases remaining that have es-
capped from the body. That woman is
not neat who serves her fowl after it
has hung till it is'"mellow'' from age,
having become putrid and slender, "
the process of decay having very far
proceeded, though she may ''go into
Mysteries from seeing a fly in the cream!'
That filth is most to be avoided which
enters into the stomach, rather than
that which simply oflends the eye!-
Golden Rule.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27
Worth $1,000.

i had ~ severe a.
tack Of catarrll, and be
came So deaf I could
not hear common con.
vcrsation. 1 suffered
terribly from roaring
In my head. ! procured
. bottle of Ely's Cream
Balm, and In three
weeks could hear as
we'll as / ever could,
and now / can say &c
all who are afflicted
with the worst of dis
eases, catarrh, take one
bottle of Ely's Cream
Balm ard be cured. II
Is worth $1,000 to any
man, woman or child
suffering from catarrh.
"A. Z. NEWMAN, Gray.
ling, Mich.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

The deaf man continues to seek the
railroad track for his daily '.constitu-
tional; the swift and economical hired
girl still persists in coal-oiling the kin
dlings--and yet every newspaper in the
country claims to have a larger circula-
ton than ever before, - Chicago Led9ts
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

A minister, having taught his little
girl the Lords Prayer, was surprised to
hear her repeat it with the following
variation: GIVE us this, day our daily
bread, or biscuit and honey, if YOU
please. "-Burk's Fails (Ont.) Arvo,C. ~
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

The search for the richest man in
the world, now that Vanderbilt is gone,
threatens to be as brisk as that which
has 1.-THE oldest Mason. in view. The
distinction is claimed for Mr. Mackay,
the California bonanza man. Chicago
J0uf1lat.' @ ~ ..st. ATS -
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

PIXIES TooTHACHE DROPS cure in minute, q,
Gtenn's Sulphur Soap heals and beauties .25c
GERMAM CORN REMOVER Kills Corns Bunions
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

HooD's HoUsEuoLp CALENDAR is the hand
soonest and most convenient ever issued.
Send six cents for one to c. i. HOOP g. Co.,
Lowell Mass.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

REAssUR1Se: Fenderson-It makes me
mad to think what fool made of myself
this evening! Wonder what they will
think of mes Fogg-My dear boy, don't
ret yourself. IT, only your imagination
unusual. Boston Transcript. III i5'ss !!
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

LITTLE girl to uncle--How doyou mako
. Maltese cross! .Uncle-Step on hor tail
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

If afflicted with Sore Eyes use DR.. lisa &C
Eye Water. Druggists sell it. 25c.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

BOSTON, Mass.-Hefr Editor Boston Globe:
Der abofe biece of poultry aloud mine yam.
lily vas wridden for der Detroit Freie Presse
some dime ago, und would you pellet it
OFT der oldt lady, mine moder.in-lnw, don'd
feel so pad righdt away, to diuk she vas lefd
Oudt in der coldt, dot nefer hear de iirsd Off
it effer sendse; und so ash der holidays vas
coming along, in der schveeJ pooty soon.
already, l dink to minesellutf dot l schust
wride her CUP for a Christmas present, und
SO send der ENCLOSED lines mid Illustrations
by mine 0ldt friend boz, who firsd dressed
CUP mine "Leedle Yawcob Strauss" for der
noosebabers. Yours respectfully,
YAWCOB STRAUSS.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

Fox sick and nervous headaches, consti
patton and liver troubles, take Ayers Pills
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

THE original balkin' affair-The mule
N. y Morning Journal. - -
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

DoN'r give your girl such long goodbye
at the door, This produces ,copghs--from
the old folks up-stairs.-N. y Herald. '''
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

PEOPLE we must put up with-Pawn-
brokers. -Ram5ler.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27
"A Progressive City.

"You ought to see the streets Of Lon
don, - said softley.e ''They are kept as
cleanas our sidewalks, and no dirt is
allowed to stay there. any time at all. y
''We haven't got that, far along" re-
piled his Nibs, ''but we are progressing"
''How are we progressing?'. a3!q
1--WE are not yet able to keep the
streets clean, but we have reached the
point Of paying well for not having ii
done Drake''sF T,avellers'. Maqaai,se.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

a BosToN boy calls himself Compass, b.
cause he is boxed so often J,a.J sii' 81"
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

No MATTER bow sudden the changes of
temperature, the thermometer rises and
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

IT is difficult job to set a hen or a gooi
example-Bostost Bulletin.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

A LITTLE Burlington boy, not, yet ont of
petticoats irreverently speaks Ills mother
and the nurse as "a spanking teamn--Bnr-
R,gfon Free Press.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

Germany devotes 5000, 900 acres to
the cultivation of the potato. The yield
last year wast23,000. 900 TONS. i.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

MINE MODER-IN-LAW.
Dhere vas many qveer dings Ill dis land off
der free,
neffer could qvte understand;
Der peoples Obey all seem so deterrent to me
As dhose in mine own faderland
Obey gets blendy droubles, und indo mishaps,
Mitoud der least bit Off a cause;
Und. would you pellet IA? dhose mean Yangee
chaps,
Obey fights NIT dher moder-in-laws!
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

FosG hasn' much to say in praise of New
England weather, but since the general in
PRODUCTION of the elevator he has noticed
an amelioraton Of the climb it:--Boston
7FdAScfiDt. i!Si-J 2. e3Isi-l' .f5'+a' ~.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

lP1so's Remedy for Catarrh is agreeab
to use. 1t is not liquid or a snuff. SOC.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

AMONG manufacturers of preserves there
is always more or less jellyousy Merchant
Y3avsle1.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

.,SpILKINs:i What frivolous fellows these
aremen are. The papers tell us that after
the. fire was under control, the firemen
played on the ruins all night Why didn't
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

IT is said that the duck pays no DOCTORS
bills. Why need she when she has quack
of her own Toledo Blade.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

1NvIGoRATE, renew and beautify the ha
by the use of Halls Hair Remover. f3l
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

N"WHAT are pauses?' asked the teacher
Of the primary class. Things that grow
OH cats" piped the small boy at the foot
Chicago Joufnal. .sG3f h. -fissi .g4g4 hi
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

A REAL corn tax-A tight shoe Bosto,
Re1ron
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

If it took coffee as long to settle as some
men good manyof us would drink water
-Meyctant Traveller
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

Room iGARDENIvGA When bocbelor's but
tons are being sewed. (on) by the wearers
themselves k't "hSsis'F ~;
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

NATURAL history: If the swallow had no
throat, there would be no swallow.-Loujs-
oile COuy'ier-JoumtaL. ~ ct u;!J ,at n!
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27

Shust dink oil white man so wicked as dot!
Why not eife der odt ladya shown
Who vas id geds CUP, ven der nighdt id vas
hot,
Nit mine baby, l shust like to know!
Und dhen in der winter vhcn Katrine vas sick,
Und der mornings vas shnOwy und raw,
Who make righdt away CUP dot fire SO, qvicki
Why, dot vos mine moderin-law.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27
ONLY twenty-five cents.
Red Star Cough Cure.
No opiates or poison

.,.f t .- r., -Et,tz y,.
ONLY twenty-five cents.
''H Red Star Cough Cure. Z ts'af5
,ra No opiates or poison. s,,,e .p..,l
LITTLE girl to uncle-How do you make
Maltese cross! Uncle-Sten on hor tail.
HooD's HOUSEHOLD CALENDAR is the hand
soonest and most convenient ever issued.
Send six cents for one to CT. HOOP d Co.,
Lowell, Mass.
II is difficult job to set a hen or a good
example.-Bostoas Bulletin.
For sick and nervous headaches, consti-
patton and liver troubles, take Ayers Pills.
------------------s ,-----------.------
PEOPLE we must put up with-Pawn.
ibrokers.-RanJ!er. ,-,.s...s..
lPIso's Remedy for Catarrh is agreeable
to use. 1t is not a liquid or snuff. SOC.
THE original balkin aHair-The mule
N. y Morning Journal. -
INv1eoEArE, renew and beautify the hair
by the use of Halls Hair Remover. u
A REAL corn TAXA tight shoe.-Boston
~ !.
If afflicted with Sore Eyes use Dr.. Isaac
Thonpson'sEye Water. Druggists sell it. 25c.
4 a Boston boy calls himself Compass b.
cause he is boxed so often. JsT.J al s",
PIXIES TOoTHACHE DRoPs cure in minute, &c
Glenns Sulphur Soap heals and heautifes. CSC.
GERMAN CORN REMOVER kills Corns Bunions
i. ar'E 7------S II If-. t.. l. e..
De- H.
mad to think what a fool made of myself
this evening! Wonder what they will
think of me! Fogg-My dear boy, don't
fret yourself. It's only your, Imagination.
/ couldn't see that you acted in any way
unusual. Boston Transcript III s lcg t&.E
DoN'r give your girl such a long goodbye
at the door, This produces ,copghs-frOm
the old folks up-stairs.-N. y Herald.
itFD TEtt ---4----- s-----+--. s,ttE rEtftftt
AMONG manufacturers of preserves there
is always more or less jellyousy. Merchant
'i''S'S''' 'S'' -l----.----- ai'ra - sa
.,Sp1LKINs:i What frivolous fellows these
hremen are. The papers tell us that after
the. fire was under control, the ffremen
played on the ruins all night. Why didn't
they go'home to beds-P Prairie Farmer.
II ~ JOOk cOuee as long TO SeCGlo as some
men good many of us would drink water.
-IMeychant Traveller.
NATURAL history: If the swallow had no
throat, there would be no swallow.-Loujs-
oitte COatrter-Joumtat. " Ct ~ilJ -tai q
WHAT are pauses?'' asked the teacher
OF the primary class. '..Things that grow
on cats" piped the small boy at the foot
Chicago Journal. .sGii r. .}Iaa6 sg9W4 In
Room GARDENIvGAWhen bocbelor's but
tons are being seweda ((on) by the wearers
IT is said that the duck pays no doctors
bills. Why need she when she has quack
! of her own !-TGle1o Blade.
No MATTER bow sudden the. changes of
temperature, the thermometer rises and
falls only by, degrees f. =; sir .Gasa. !,
A LITTLE Burlington boy, not, yet ont of
petticoats, irreverently speaks of his mother
| and the nurse as "a spanking team".-Bnr-
| hagfon, F'rfe, Press ,,,y, a,i. ..astt,a..y ..
.FosG hasnt much to say in praise of New
England weather but since the general in
| PRODUCTION of the elevator he has noticed
| an amelioration Of, the climb it.--B0ytos
3SdaScriDt i'74-5 u -+ai-&' -fj3 E5As
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-01-27
USEFULNESS or OXEN.

SHY Oxen Might BE Used More General
with Excellent Profit.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1886-05-13
The1 Nere All WiIllng DO steal.


In a little downtown saloon yesterday more
than dozen men tried to sneak an elegans
ivory-handled umbrella which leaned against
a white maple panel at the end Of the bar. Al
though several Of the men were evidently ex-
perts, not one could manage to secure it. When
ever the bartender caught a gentleman in the
act, and be managed TO catch them all, he put
up glasses for himself and the dishonest patron,
for which the patron always paid.
Stormy weather outside" remarked we'll
dressed man, catching sight of the umbrella
and moving over toward it.
Another seltzer and lemon, and take some
thing yourself" remarked the customer, cor
daily. Then hand slipped down behind the
pleasant gentleman's eOat-tails and began CROP
ing around. Pretty soon it touched the panel,
and moved cautiously across its polished sur
face. 1t didn't find anything, and the gentle-
man who owned it stopped whistling suddenly
and grew red in the face. He c0ughed violently,
and walked to the other end of the bar to ex-
pectOrate. On his way back he glanced sharply
at the panel and saw leaning against it the
ivOry-handled umbrella. The performance was
repeated. The stranger was beginning TO show
signs of having an epileptic fit, when the bar
tender leaned over and said dryly:
Cant you get it,"
"Ahem, well-ah, you know-my umbrella
you see" gasped the gentleman.
Yes, it's daisy, amt it? jim, the nigha
bartender, put her there. He's got talent" The
umbrella was painted on the panel.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1886-05-13

IS, Department ofIOwa. Think tits mutual bene-
fit. There are many ways through which we can
help the good work II we try.
Mrs. A. VI. Sawyer, President Of the WOman's
State Relief Corps Of Maine. announces in General
Orders that the state Corps has united with the
Loyal Ladies' Leagues OF New jersey and Penn
sylvania in the publication Of paper devoted TO
their peculiar work" No LOYAL Ladies'" Mrs.
Laura BlcSeir, of Cam'sn, " j.. editor.
The Mansion tWls.l W. II O., through q commit
tee, consisting of Mrs Mary Barney, Mrs g. Lyon
and Mrs. Mary Rubls, have prepared and presented
appropriate resolutions to the bercaved family on
tie death of Mrs Mary Louise Bones, "a devoted
wife and neither and faithful member of our
Order which she loved so WELL
Lincoln Post No. l, san Francisco CAL had
recent gala evening when, after regular business,
Lincoln Corps entered and proceeded with a pro-
gram carefully prepared. Miss Dibble gave a
spendidly- delivered recitation, and Mrs Elizabeth
ID. Layres the President of the Corps. and Henry O.
Dibble spirited and eloquent addresses. On conclu-
sion of this part Of the program a pound package
auction party was inaugurated. with III. O. Dibble
as auctioneer. The packages, containing all manner
of varied and good goOdy things brought at auction
from so cents to $3.50 apiece, and quite a large
amount was realized from the sale. This part Of
the entertainment was keenly enjoyed and many
laughabe incidents occurred during the progress OF
the sale. Dancing and refreshments concluded the
pleasant and soeiable evenings exercises.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1886-05-13
ENCAMPMENT NOTES.

The Committee on Management last week
decided to invite the National Guard of Cali
fornia, and the Regular Army and Navy to
participate in the grand parade The question
turned upon invitingSthe Knights Templar,
Knights Of Pythias, Native Sons Of the Golden
West, and kindred organizations to join, and
after some debate the matter was referred to
the Committee on Parade and Review for con-
sideration.
Eighteen singing societies have agreed TO
assist in the exercises. These represent no less
than 700 voices, and viii render in splendid
style the old army songs, the star Spangled
Banner" being at. the head Of the program.
There will also BIO a grand triumphal march
rendered by 200 male and 200 female voices.
The committee has under consideration the
presentation of piece commemorative of the
battle Of Gettysburg. It is a descriptive song
in four parts, representing the biyouae. scenes
before the battle, scenes during the battle, and
lastly, scenes after the battle, the effect to be
aided By fireworks and scenery. The orchestra
engaged in rendering it will consist Of 200
Instruments
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1886-05-13

Madam be said, after long survey Of a
flower stand at the Central Market. "could
You recommend zoe something 10 place on my
wiie's gTaveP
" think So" she answered, as she looked
him over. " How long has she been deadY'
six years"
Married againY
What is that 10 your
=" Oh, you needn't be 80 cranky about IL. I've
dealt in cemetery flowers for the last fifteen
years, and j know about how things work. II
yon arc stu widoweT, you want about 81
worth OF flowers aud border Of moss. IL you
are married again you'll pick out "A twenty-five
cent rose bush, beat me down 10 fifteen cents
and send IL 10 the cemetery by a car driver
he pretended to be very indignant, and went
10 the other end Of the market and bought two
iee5le-l9okiDg pinks for seven cents apiece
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1886-05-13
A Way Out Of the Difficulty.


Old DIR. HewsOn was distinguished for PHI
lanthropy. On one occasion the Doctor had .
case of malignant typhoid fever. He prescribed
rest and nOurishment for bis patient.
"Give Dan plenty of chicken. He must
have more nourishment."
Shall I kill a chickenY
eyes, you'd better kill young rooster; broik
it well, and add plenty Of butter. Patients
with typhoid fever like plenty OF gravy"
Dams wife killed, dressed and cooked hno
chicken.
"Thats about right" said the Doctor, who
was experimenting the job, as he enviously
eyed the chicken.
Dan, how're you feelingP
"First rate, Doctor, first rate"
LET me feel your pulse2"
Dan extended his arm and hand.
"You are more feverish than usual iusb
ordered your wife to brOil chicken, but you
can't eat it; you're too feversh."
"What shall we do, Doctor?" inquired the
wife.
IT see no way out of the difficulty but to eab
the chicken ourselves. i once suffered from
typhoid fever myself, madam
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1886-05-13
A Lltsrary DiaIeuIty 0vereome.


81 want to ask your advice about novel I
am writing" she confdentially remarked TO a
Woodward avenue bookseller yesterday.
Il shall be happy TO give it"
"The hero of my story is wounded By In
dams and comes home with his arm in sling"
"That's good"
"My heroine meets him with joy and he
clasps her in his arms"
Perfectly proper; I'd do it myself"
Yes, but don't you see that one of bis arms
is in a sling? How could he clasp?"
"That's so. And yet he must come home
wounded?"
'He most"
"And she must be clasped?"
She ought 10 be-"
ayes, that's So but you must look out for the
critics. How would it do to have her clasp
him?"
"Wouldn't it look immodest?"
"Not under the circumstances; and you can
add foot note that the Joy of seeing him car
ried her off her balance for moment. Yes,
let her clasp and take the consequences. R
ven get the right kind of covers on q book you
needn't care much about what is inside"
"Yery well; my heroine shall clasp. thank
YOU. GoOd-day."
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1886-05-13
REUNIONS.

g. B. Lyons Mechanicsville, N. Y: The an
nual Reunion of the 115th ~ Y. will be held at
st. townsville, August 26.
l. III. johnson, Co. I, 26th Iowa, Scranton,
Iowa, would like to hear from any member Of
his regiment in regard to holding a Reunion.
]. NJ. Rife, Sec, West Jefferson. Ohio: The
Reunion Of the Army Of West Virginia is to be
held at Portsmouth, Ohio, Sept 8, o, 10. The
Society Of West Virginia Veterans meet at the
same time and place. A list Of West Virginia
soldiers-name, rank, company, regiment, and
post office addres5-is very much desired by me-
so as to address circulars TO each and put the
comrades inEeach of each other.
VIM. Fiess Marion, Ohio: A meeting of the
Sultana Survivors Association was held at
Toledo on the 9th ult., when the following Off
GERS were elected: Pres, s. III. Raudebaugh,
Findlay, o.; Vice-Pres., A. c. Brown, Mediapo-
lis, Iowa; Sec, VIM. Fies, Marion, o.; Cor. Sec,
A. w. King Defiance, o.; Treas, l.. w. MeCrary,
Mungen, o. The next meeting Of the assOcia-
ton will be held at theSOldiers' Home, Dayton,
o., April q, 1887. All survivors wishing to be-
come members of the association should send
one dollar TO the Secretary, VIM. Fies, Marion,
o., and receive a certificate of membership.
A. Fl. Bradley, Troy. N. Y: The 81 N. Y.
will hold its first annual Reunion at Troy, May
Is.
The 10th Pa. Vol. Association is making
extensive preparations for the erection of Me-
mortal tablets and holding Reunion of the
regiment to dedicate the same on the Gettys-
burg battlefield during the coming Summer.
All the former members of the regiment who
have not received a circular in regard to the
same should send their address to w. T. John
ston. Robella, AIlegauy Co, Pa.
A. 5. Noyes, Bennington, VT: There will be
Reunion Of Co. A, I'd VT, at Bennington, VT,
May IA.
E. J. Babcock, Secretary, Davenport, Iowa
A Reunion Of the 1st Iowa Cav. Association viii
be held at Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Sept. 81, p and
% next.
@. z. Harson, Rock Island: A Reunion of the
18th Ill. will be held at Dixon, May "a.
Geo. T. Jack, Detroit Mich: The 18th Re
union of Loomis's Battery Association will BE-
held at this place May 49,