The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-05-18
WIT AND WISDOM.

bright little eal-old boy was visiting his
father, who belonged TO New YORK regiment III
one day as he was playing before his fathers
tent he was accosted i'll a pleasant way Dy 4. a
sprucely dressed soldier. He was accuslohsu 10
being noticed child in camp being great I!Au-
nv, but from this soldier he showed evident signs
VI Come here. nv little man. said the officer;
The discerning child replied; 81 don't want TO;
YOU are doctor; know you are 2 doctor: -,
"You are mistaken; come mere, L am not uoc-
But the little fellow only put his head out Of the
tent far enough to say; Eyes you are doctor,
too: know yox are q doctor, for can smell the
medicine on your breath"
That New York officer never received any other
name afterwar6 during the war.
We are selling Athlophoros We have great
demand for it, and the people are generally salts
fed with the results it produces. Il. j. Rogers
druggist Stamford, Connecticut Success is at
tanned when the people are satisfied
Climatic: A Boston lady who has an orange
grove in Florida was speaking enthuslastlcally
day OF the climate there. now Is ~ iU a
there for your health?" The lady instantly re-
Piled "Oh. | shouldn't want to go to heaven Tor
my health"
Scott's Emulsion of Pure Cod Lis-
or OIL with HypophosPhites as a henae-
dvfor ConstsDsption. Dr. Ii. j. PRATT, Montel-
10, Wisconsin, says: "After thorough test OF
over two years, voluntarily recommend SCOTS
Emulsion to those afflicted with consumption"
"And what are you going to be, my little man."
asked the minister as he patted the boy on the
head; what are you going to. be when you grow
up2"
"a waiter? Well that is not very lofty am
bition. Let me ask you, my little man, why you
are going to be a waiter?"
Because, sir, I've heard papa say that all
things come to him who waitt!"
NJ L. Scranton, Pa, Blair, Alderman 9TH Ward
stated Nov. o. 49, He had used DR.. Thomas
Electric Oil for sprans, burns cuts, bruises and
rheumatism. Cured every time.
Barnabee of the Ideal Opera Company when not
singing tells stories. He narrates one about
Boston girl, who was walking towards Bunker
Hill monument and came upon mile post when
was one mile from Boston. The inscription was:
II Nj from Boston," She exclaimed:
ssOh dear me! Someone is buried herel And
here's a gravestonel What does it say? Oh,
yes! Pm from Boston, How simple, but how
sufficient"
Prompt relief from sick headache, dizziness,
nausea, constipation, pain in the side, etc., guar
anteed to those using Carter's Little Liver Pills.
One pill Dose % cents.
At a school examination held in Hartford few
days ago class of pupils were requested to give
the word good" and defined it by saying apple
pie was good. A little bright eyed seyen-year-old,
had been sitting quietly in his seat during the
recitation got up and gave the word ''mean" In
reply to the teachers question as TO wnat was
mean, he said:
"Weii, dried apple pies are the meanest things
The little fellow took his seat amid Il roar of
laughter from the spectators.
The well known strengthening properties OF
IRON, combined with other tones and most per-
feet neryine, are found in Carriers Iron Pills,
which strengthen the nerves and body, and I'M
prove the blood and complexion.
whole Sunday school WIS demoralized and
thrown into commissions last Sunday by pfeco-
cious youth when n distinguished visitor was IN
terrogating The school, and asked
''What was the forbidden fruit?"
Up jumped the precocious youth ana sad: Il
know"
''Pickles," shouted the boy in stentorian Tone
whereupon the entire school broke iuto laughter
and that part of the programme was closed.
Invest your system with yigor by using during
the spring few bottles of Vegetne.
MRS. Dowden, see that you have new
boarder." -
He's a great scholar, too"
"You don't say so. What's his business?"
"Well. he's possessor Of bellies lettres in the
Young Ladies' Academy"
Goodness gracious, shouldn't think she'd let
him have EN-"