The Arizona sentinel., 1886-10-30
KEELEY'S TROUBLES.
Ths Narrowing PerpIexlties of a Newl!
 Married Travelling Man.

Mir. Keeley, who travels for the Stretchem Rubber Company, selling rubber clocked fire hose, rubber lawn over-squirts and door mats that smell loudly in summer sun and chase man down the front steps in winter, got married last month, and as he could not afford to lose the time for a vacation during the busy season, he decided to send his wife into St. Paul to board at a very pleasant and aristocratic boarding house, the day or two after the wedding, and to meet her on the following Satur- day, remaining at home till Monday noon. In fact, a telegram the next morning after the wedding rather set tied the question, and with the under standing that Mrs. Keeley was to drop note for him, care of the Ryan Hotel, telling him of her safe arrival, and where she would be in case any thing should happen to prevent her securing rooms at the place decided upon. So he kissed his new wife and rode re- luctantly away to meet customer at Faribault.
 When he got into St. Paul Saturday evening, weary but joyful, he found a note at the Ryan Hotel, or rather a notice from the post-ofice stating that q letter awaited hlm in the office, but as it had only a one-cent stamp on 1t. 1t could not be delivered by carrier. Evi- dentlv his wife had been unable to get the rooms referred to, and had written to tell him where he would find her.
 He looked at his watch. It wanted four minutes to closing time for his of fee Securing a cab. he rode swiftly toward the place where his letter was supposed to be. He is acorpulent man. and the cab doors chafed him a good deal. Every time the horse jumped the cab door would take off a vest button, aud jam him in the diaphragm. By the time MT. Keeley reached the post-office, he says, he had a bunion on the pit of his stomach as large as a Brazil nut.
 I do not say that this is true. 1 simply gave MT. Keeley's language. 1 am not here to amplify or enlarge upon the words of another man.
 When he reached the post-office all was dark inside, and though MT. Keeley kicked the front door with both feet in ferocious manner, it calmly remained upright Mir. Keeley went away quite irritatcd, and just in time to avoid being arrested for trying to break into the post-otfice.
 leave you, "P. O. D., to try and realize Mr. Keeley's feelings, married but week ago to beq qutiful wife, torn from her embrace at oh nee by the cold and cruel vulcanized rubber talons of the Stretchem Company, he had come here only to be crushed by uncertainty and weighed down by doubt.
 He went back to the Ryan Hotel, a beautiful house or palace, as it were, and vet how dismal it looked. The gorgeous carving, the rich stained glass and the pol shed pillars were all wasted on the sad and moroSe man. He re- mained at the Ryan all night 1 call attention of the captious critics to the fact that 1 do not say he slept there-I say he remained there.
 In the morning the janitor of the St. Paul poSt-office building came down and found man with pinched red nose and large, wide, rel eyes filled with un- shed tears, waiting at the front door. The janitor thought he looked like an Anarchist, and so slipped in quietly and bolted the door.
 Finally a clerk came down, and aftel he had got ready he told MT. Keeley that he would have to get an order from the postmaster as he was not in the office on Sundays. MT. Kceley got another cab and another corn where his watch rubbed against his heart. He succeeded at last in finding the postmaster resi- dence, but that official had gone out to Minnetonka beach for the day.
 I do not wish to do MT. Keeley great wrong, but the cab-driver says that when his customer got into the cab and buttoned the door over his aching heart he muttered in low, passionate accents: "Condemn it!n'
 As he had to leave on the Monday noon train sure, he resolved to go to Minnetonka beach for the order. He went to the Hotel Lafayette, the St. Louis, the Lake Park, the Enchanted Isle, the narrowS, the Blind Pig, Shady Isle, Castor Isle, the Home for the Friendless, Crane Island, Wyzata, Cur culio and everywhere else, till the day was done, when late in the evening he found the postmaster spread out on the grass under an electric light reading one of MT. Talmaye's sermons.
 MT. Keeley got the order, but too late for his train. He had to stay at the lake till morning. He was not ac- quainted at the lake, and he did not feel like making acquaintances. for he said he hated to see an old married man try ing to be giddy. The following morn- ing an accident prevented his getting back to St. Paul until dinner t'me, after which the train would go.
 With a broken heart he went away on his regular business trip, to be absent another week or ten days. 1t was very sad. Had 1 been there would have said to him: ''Thou art so n gin and yet so far" This would be slight re- venge for the forty-two million times ii has been said to me.
 But let me close by saying that Mir. Keeley and h's wife are aga n reunited; and when Mrs. Keeley writes to her hXsband, she puts on stamps enough to fake the letter al Ound the globe without feed or water.
 P S.-I ought to add, in closing, that Mrs. Keeley was in the same rooms that he husband first decided on; and that the note which was one cent short in postage only treasured him of her love, and expressed hope that his love had not grown cold during hIs absence. -BiU Nye, TO Toledo Blade.