St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1886-06-24
THE COUNTRY MINISTER.
From the Address Of Welcome of George
NJ. Stearns at the Recent Unitarian
Convention I'm Boston.

h was forty years ago, and as it is now,
imagine, however family the picture
may be drawn, would seem a grotesqut
N exaggeratiOn. He had no time of hi
own. His labOrs were never at an end
Two sound, prolonged, elaborated ser
mons, sandwiched with an unabreviat-
ed Sunday school between and an even
ing lecture in an adjoining hamlet,
N constituted the measure of a fair, or
binary Sundays services. In addition
to this, no child ever gasped this vital
air so briefly but it's death must be
commemOrated by full funeral dis
course. No person ever died so old OIL
idiOtic, so outside the pale of human
society, no tramp so unknown, no beg
gar so vile, but his demise must be the
subject of the parsons highest word.
He must neglect nobody; he must
bear unnOticed the neglect of every
body. The annual visitation of the
parish is a memory never to be lost
until all things are swept beneath OBJ
liviOn's horizon. The cheerful and the
gloomy, the wise and the foolish, the
gay and the dull, the sweet and the
sour, none must be omitted ; and if any
II one chances to be omitted, the sub
scriptiOn list the coming year will tes-
II tify to the neglect. And so the min
81 lister and his wife put on their Sumo day
apparel, and with sad, professional
smile, start out to make the circuit.
j They must take the little boy along,
Il for nature, which delights liz contra
ries, has decreed that the hOlier the
n father the wilder the boy, and they
dare not leave the little boy behind,
II lest he burn the barn or cruelty the cat
during their absence. And so the
harmless, barefoOted lad is dragged in
from the outside, ruddy, dirty, in form
and shape like the jack of clubs, and
made to array himself in his best Sun
day 60 connecting clothes, cut of
size to admit of impossible, unless mi
racnlOus, future growth. Upon his
bare feet they put again his winter
boots, billOwy with undulating wrink-
les which no persuasion of tallOw can
induce to Telent from decorating his
ankles and feet. And, although it is Il
hot, scOrching, August day, they put
81 his fur cap on his head because it is
his best one, and the parish like to see
the minister's family well-dresscd.
ii Arriving at some honest mans home,
81 they are ut once ushered into the I'M
speakable horrors of the best room,
which has not been opened since his
last visit, unless for a funeral, and in
to which no fading ray of sunshine has
been permitted to enter and rest upon
the wonderful furniture. Every chair
is a miracle of discomfort, and the lit
q tie boy is hOiSted upon one of these
engines of torture, with whispering
warnings not to put his boots on the
rounds, and to sit still and behave
himself at his peril. He looks over the
room, at the ingram carpet, with Il fig
ure the size of Il barn door the rug
+ before the fireplace worked in wonder
4 full designs in wOrsted, of a wolf with
IA swelled head bouncing on lamb
whose only visible leg is the same size
DIS his body brass andirOns; II hair
cloth sofa and the little boy wonders
if all the rooms in the mansions of the
skies are equipped us luXuriOusly us
this. The conversation takes on a
professional hue. After the little Cos
sip of the family and town is exhaust
led, all the falsities, the errors, the
mistakes and the wrongs of Orthodoxy
are clearly demonstrated and the
truth, the certainties and the great
ness of Unitarianism are equally we'll
and clearly established.
The little boy, weary of the Oft-tOld
tale, pulls out his pocket handkerchief
Handkerchief yellow, cotton fabric,
on the center of which are printed the
Il ten commandments, on one margin of
which is picture of Moses, originally
Resembling the portraits of John
Brown, but from whose face repeated
washings have so dispersed the fea-
lures that it now looks as though he
Iad made the acquaintance of BOstOn's
best Sullivan. On the other margin is
h representation of Elijah's translation,
which looks like knight of Labor
floating in the air on top of a burning
freight car. The time drags, and
finally diseased melOdeon is unbut-
Oned, and the minister's wife is called
upon to sing from two to five dozen
psalm tunes, the host striking in on
he bass, touching lightly the notes
about which he is doubtful, but com
ng down with cempensating power
pm the few he is secure on. At last
supper is announced and with formal
sOlemnity they all proceed To the kitch-
IN to discuss it. The minister knows
ust what it is, and that it will be the
same in every house in the parish-the
Usual bread, butter and tea, but that
he meal will he exalted and made il
ustriOus by the addition of ounce
iced. The good man of the house
Ieizes the bread tray to pass around it's
contents, when he is recalled to the
OrgOtten proprieties by IL kick under
he table from his wife, whereupOn he
bTetends to have been brushing flies
rom off the loaf, and innOcently asks
he minister to say grace. At last the
readful day is over, and the minister
|eturns home with Il weary sigh. The
title boy pulls off his suit of torture,
OOrs, leaps like an antelope, shouts
Ike COmanche and races off to the
PASTURE after the cows.
And when the weary round is over,
md when the parish has been visited
hi through, on the tablets of the min
ster's aching brain are catalOgued
very baby's age and the number of
eeth they have cut, every pain, every
Misfortune, every i'll, every cOnten-
ion, every dispute that has occurred
Turing the year and he can fix and
Ocate every t0Othache, every twinge
IF rheumatism, every cold and every
punion that have assaulted his fold dur
ng the past year. The minister's chill
rem, too, are put upon a special de-
partment diet, which is always open to
riticism. | know whereof | speak. If
he little boy happens tn shy stone
t vagrant rooster or a visiting cat,
he people wonder whether or not the
eligion the pastor breaches so clearly
n Sunday is in use ut home. The boy
must have his Sunday school lesson,
Though it is not ut all the style of
he other boys; and when his teacher