Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1886-11-24

JtEtSC.
A PERSONAL CALAMITY.-Omaha Man:
s'I see there is demand in the East for the
coinage of half cents"
Eastern Stranger: "Good gracious! When
did that start up?'
s'Some weeks ago, believe"
"My my! must hurry home and use
my influence against it. That will never
do.'
care you a member of Congress?"
: 'No, Pm a clergyman."--Omaha World.
SOME GOOD ADv1cE.-Tramp-"Please
give me ten cents, sir ?"
Gentleman-"Why, gave you ten cents
not an hour ago."
Tramp-"I'll bet you five dollars you
didn't"
Gentleman-"I haven't that much money
with me-"
Tramp with some disgust dwell, don't
make statements unless you've got money
to back 'em up."
VERY CoNsIDERATE INDEED-Here is a
good Irish story-we fancy it has not been
in print before. A pair of "victims" are
waiting behind hedge fortheir landlord
guns loaded, cooked and ready for action.
1t is past the time at which he was expected
at last they become uneasy.
''Bedad, Pat" says Tim, II hope nothin'
has happened to the poor ould jintleman !"
Whitehall Review.
A WICKED LITTLE BoY.-Bebby-"Ma,
you don't want me to play with wicked
bows. do YOU ?'' Mother-sNo, indeed,
Bobby" Bobby-"Well, if one little boy
kicks another little boy, isn't it wicked for
him to kick him back?" Mother-"Yes,
Bobby, very wicked" Bobby-"Then,
don't play with Tommy White any more.
He's too wicked. kicked him this morn
ing, and he kicked me back"
l@ Magistrate -"You say you are tour
ist?" Prisoner-"Yes, sir. I love nature
in ali her radiant beauty" Magistrate
(hastily)-"Never mind that! How much
money have you about your clothes ?"
Prisoner-"Seventy-f cents" Magis-
trate (severely)-"The I shall commit you
as tramp. We draw the line between
tourists and tramps at sl.0O.-P Philadelphia
Call.
terer ?" eyes, indeed, Mr.. Carp. They
were hatched in March, "Where did you
getthem "From Mrs. Rubric-an hon
est woman and genuine Episcopalian."
"Episcopalian, is she? That accounts for
the scant upholstery on these bones. The
good woman has compelled her chickens to
Keep Lent."- Yonkers Gazette.
1@ Jones-"Hello, old man, how do you
like married life by this time ?' Smith
comparatively new to matrimony)-"First
rate! wouldn't be BACHELOR again for a
good Bit" "Indeed! Why, understood
your mother-in-law was living with you"
"Oh! no. Just the other way. I'm living
with her." swell, that does makea differ
ence."- Pitsb,uq Dispatch.
How CIVILIZED WE ARE BECOMING
They were going to the new opera. He
was all ready, while she was still at her
toilet.
~ say, my dear" he shouted inpatient
ly from the foot of the stairs, aren't you
nearly dressed?"
EYES," came back the response, "I've
only got to take few more things off,"
1% Minister lin grocery store)-"I am
pleased to see, Mr.. Sugarsand, that motto
on the wall, Honesty is the best policy
It will pay you from business point of
view, to say nothing of anything else."
Mr.. Sugarsand (hopefully)e"I hope so, sir,
but haven't tried it long enough yet to
make q lair test OF lt.-Ne1U YOTE StAl.
BETTER LATE THAN NEvER.-Old Mr..
Bentley (reading the paper)-"I see that
Solomon has been indicted for bigamy."
Old Mrs. Bentley-"Well, it's bout time.
The idea of a man having seven hundred
wives"
p@ "Order, young man." said Mr.. John
>soh, gazing severely at the Uttered desk of
his clerk, "is heavens first law" "Yes,
sir" innocently responded the clerk, "but
you know this isn't heaven"
va "Does your husband get salary for
taking up the collection in the church eve
ry Sunday, Mrs. Deacon?" "Well, not ex-
actly; but never need to buy any buttons
for the children's clothes"
.p@ "Yes, bawled a social orator, II am in
favor of the early closing movement for the
great mass of the toilers." swell, shut up