The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1886-07-16
VOL. XXXI----NO. 20.
VARIETIES.

make money by striking.
Half the ills we hoard in our hearts are
ills because we hoard them.
"A mans character is like fence 1t
cannot be strengthened by being wbitewash-
ed.
Ten million dollars worth of corsets were
sold in the United States last year. That's
good deal of money gone to waist.
"A timid Chinaman dined with the young
ladies of Mt. Holyoke Seminary few weeks
since. His laconic remark at leaving was,
"Too much plenty girl"
Eyes, | want man; but the work ia
heavy, and he must be healthy and strong.
suppose you enjoy good health; do you 7"
"Iou bet does, boss, when l has it p
Two fresh arrivals at Castle Garden from
the old country. mike, can we tell me how
they make ice crame?" "In thruth | can Pat.
Don't they bake them in cowld ovens, to be
sure"
The Major was spending the evening
with few friends. Soon after midnight he
pulled out his watch and said "It's to-mor-
row morning, must bid you good night,
gentlemen"
81 don't think any thing of American
literature" said an Englishman. "And don't
cher know that the humorous papers of
America are execrable. Wy, some of them
really make me laugh"
"A dentist who has received q compensa-
ton which he regards as insufficient, ironi-
cnlly asks his client if he intended the fee for
his servant. mo, monsieur" replied the
other, "it is for both of you"
This astute proverb comes from India
at must always be the women who are in
the wrong, and not the men, because men
have reserved to themselves the right to de-
eide what is right and what is wrong"
Your studies are costing me q great
deal, said father to his son, as he reached
in his pocket for money to buy books with.
81 know it, father" replied the son, with
some emotion, as he pocketed a $40 bill, land
don't study very hard, either"
Pap" said little Jacob, looking up from
his Sunday School paper, there is a piece
that says; Beer versus Whisky Shall l
read it ?" "Trow dat paber in de schtove
Shaky. 1nny mans vot says beer is worse as
visky amt fit for noding except kindling
wood"
AS if poor Gladstone's task were not
hard enough, his enemies strew his path with
such thorns as this.
With Gladstone none in subtlety compare:
His brain is so consistently sophistical
That when the sword swings o er him by a hair
He'll split that hair with bubble casustical."
81 wonder why 1 can't make my kite
fly" walled the little brother of the High
school girl. ut looks to me-" replied Mil
dred, las though its caudal appendage were
disproportionate to its superficial area" II
don't think that is it," said Jim. II think its
tail is too light"
How do you like Miss Lilliewhite ?"
asked Brown OF Fogg, who had just waltzed
with the lady; don't you admire her con-
versation" ayes" replied Fogg, "she talks
well enough, but, between you and me-"
brushing his whtened coat sleeve, "shes
little floury."
Johnny, here you are at the breakfast
table and your face is unwashed," said his
mother. 81 know it, ma, l saw the animal
cue through pas microscope in the water,
last night, and amt going to have those
things crawling over my face with their fun
ny little legs"
Sorrow is not an accident, occurring now
and then-it is the very wool which is
woven into the warp of life, and he who has
not discerned the divine sacredness of sor-
row, and the profound meaning which is con-
cealed in pain, has yet to learn what life is.
The cross, manifested as the necessity of the
highest life, alone interprets it.
n paper gave dIl aCCUuuI Oh society
event, and in speaking of one beautiful lady
of quite large proportions, it said Mrs.
Smith possessed a form that Juno might
envy" The editor went home and left a
subordinate to get out the paper, and the
next morning he read in his paper that Mrs.
Smith possessed form that Jumbo might
envy"
MA, we'll have to cut Sue Fitzpercy"
remarked Ethalinda De Wigs yesterday af-
ternoon. why SO ?" asked Mrs. De Wigs.
why, you know she is getting her dresses
made for her wedding. Well, she invited me
to look at what she called her travelling
dress Travelling dress indeed Why, she
ought TO know that the English term now is
'going-away dress" Yes, indeed if she's
that vulgar we shall have to cut her, certain
ly."
When architect and builder have left the
house for the last time, its real construction
commences. The unitarian part, the -four
walls and the roof" needed for the body of a
home. is their share of it. The thought, the
contriving, the harmonizing of elements into
a perfect whole belongs TO the woman-the
home-maker in so far as she alone puts a
"heart' into that body, tones it down for ach-
ing heads, lights it up for joyful spirits, soft
ems its angles, Grapes its baroness, and warns
away the chill of weather or of mood.