News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-21

| CHECKED THROUGH.
AS the train stopped at a small sta
tlon the attention of citizen was at
tracted by the yelping of small dog in
the baggage car.
is that dog mad 9'' he asked.
'MadF repeated the distracted bag
gage master, as he wiped the moisture
from his brow. mo, the dog amt
mad, but all the rest of US are."
A NATURAL INFERENCE.
"Ya-as," said an Indiana citizen,
whose home lies in the fertile valley of
the ''Waybosh." 81 happened ter be
In Charlestown when the yerthquake
cum"
"What did you do when you felt the
trembling -
Il took thirty grains of quinine, by
PROTECTION AT OUR BoARDINe-H HOUSE.
Young Tellitall Continuing story
And just as 1 was stepping off the
porch
Landlady touching bell for servant)-
Ting.
Young Tellitall Gnquiredly)-Perhaps
some OF the Others have not heard it,
madam.
ENGAGED.
Customer-Will you please show me
| your engagement rings L would like
to get dozen.
Jeweller-What on earth do you want
with a dozen engagement rings?
| Customer am a West Point cadet
Jeweller-Ah certainly. Excuse me.
De r0it Free Press.
VALUABLE HINT.
Some visitors went into store in
Portland, Me-, kept by a German wo-
man. and called for whisky. She said
she could not sell any, and then whis
pered to one of them: ''Vsn you wants
tisky you must call for vine, andt pinch
nit one eye"
OUT OF ORDER.
Watchmaker-What can do for you,
madam?
Old Lody displaying pendulum of
clock)-This peslzy thing won't go,
an 1 thought I'd bring it around an
have ye fix it.
TWO MINDS WITH A SINGLE THOUGHT.
Brother-What do you think of my
marrying pretty Miss Peachy
Sister-Absurd
Brother-Yes, that's just what she
said.-IEd Bits
ODDS AND ENDS.
TURKS never drink, never abuse ami
mails, are polite to women and invariably
kind to children. This distinguishes
the Turks from civilized people.
II SHOULD like to box your ears, :"
said the Chicago girl to an audacious
Detroiter, and then added refectlvely,
''lt | could find box big enough"
IT is said that hops will produce
sleep. All the same, the more ''hops"
the young people at the seaside resorts
indulge in, the more sleep they lose.
PAPA" asked little Johnny, "what
does embodiment of unmitigated asin-
Unity mean?" "It means the other fel-
low, d" replied his pa, who is politician
WHEN Tompkins kept out of the way
of the police for Il little while, but was
finally arrested, he said he always be-
+ is d the officer should seek the man,
aLC not the man the officer.
Jane, did l not tell you if you were
again tempted to eat the currants you
must say: sect thee behind me Satan p
Yes, mum, an l did, an he got be-
hind me and pushed me right INTO the
currant bushes"
"PEoPLE needn't sneer at me because
am an old maid said Miss Glider
sleeve snappishly. II may be an old
maid, but if / am, I'm one from choice
''Y es, said Mr. Cassignole sympatheti-
cally, $50 I've always understood.
Choice was quite unanimous, wasn't it2"
"Can you tell me, my dear" said a
henpecked husband to his scolding wife,
''the difference between your mouth
and Court House doorY mo, Sir,
can't" ''Well, then. you better have
one or the other of them closed so that
other people can tell the difference,
even if you can't"
SIS any one waiting on you?' in
quired the polite salesman of West
Vile maiden. "Well, 1 can't hardly
tell, she blushingly replied. ''Some
times think there is and then again l
amt certain. but Willis so sort of funny,
you know" and then she blushed again,
and asked to look at some lace collars"