St. Paul daily globe., 1886-05-16

SALOON.
''ThiS does not necessarily apply TO brew
cries. Some of you, [ expect, will go ter
California, others to Canada. Some will
go south and others east. OF course, ther
distance that you go will depend Largely on
the condition of ther walking. but wherever
you are. remember that L am with
yer in spirit if not in body. APP
plause. In yer travels yer will un-
doubtedly meet temptations and railroad
trains. Whenever yer see either
one comm. step Off their track an let
them go by. There's nothin' ter be gained
by lettn' either one ov them run over yer.
AS Ehle Allen would remark, there's
nothin' in it.
whenever yer reach er town, boyees,
let no modest blush mantle your brow, but
register at the best hotel and take a bath
room. Yerll probably git kicked out inside
ov er week, but don't know ov any cheaper
way yer could git yer board an lodgin be-
sides it is jest ez enjoyerble ter be kicked
out ov er SIS hotel as it is er 81 establish
ment. 1t looks better. too. CT
while yer in er new town make it er
point to go to the postoffice and ask fur yer
mail three times er day. Ov course, yerll
never git emmy. but it gives yer a sort ov
digHified Standin' in ther community While
yer live there.
If yer make er bargain ter work fur emmy
body, alwus git yer pay in advance, then if
| yer happen ter drop dead you'd hey ther
satisfaction ov KNOWN thet yer got the
best ov ther bargain. EspeShully eff yer
pay happens ter be in the shape oy victuas.
Be careful while you er St0ppn at fashion,
able resorts, thet yer don't promise ter
marry woman who will be erbliged ter
depend on her husband fur er livin. Thet
knocks all ther romance out ov ther affair.
| Git an aireSs, Ell large, well developed
airess. An orfun airess, who has got er
| large income an no TelaShunS TO eXumo her
remains after she is buried and hev her
stomach annulized. It aint allurs pleasant
| fur er husband ter hev ther stomach 0y his
dead wife annulized. Espeshully eff she
died leavin er will made out in his favor.
''Allus change yer shirt Monday. Monday
is wash-day throughout ther country and
you will usually find er clean shirt Monday
| night erbout half-past 8 or 10 erclock
hangin on ther clothesline in tber back
yard. DON'T hesitate erbout takin it; it's
Yourn whether it was fifteen collar or
| not"
A GLANCE BACKWARD.
SIN reviewin the work ov the lyceum
this winter am greatly pleased with ther
success it has been. The members hey
been greatly benefited, l think. by it, an it
will be er good idee to hold it next winter,
l think, providin we can get enough ma
terial tergether ter run it as it hez been run
this winter. l hope az presurdent, | have
filled ther Office effishuntly an with credit
ter myself an ther members ov ther lyceum.
l will Civ the other officers credit for havin
faithfully performed their duties. One
thing. boyees, that we need to congratulate
ourselves over is the fact that our treasurer
haint gone to Canada to spend the rest ov
his natural life. l don't know ov much
more that can say only that in separatin'
l hope that every one ov zee will do well am
git three meals every day without havin' ter
labor fur it. Eff there IL no objection will
now adjourn this lyceum sinner die. There
is no objection an ther lyceum stands so
adjourned"
The members of the lyceum gathered
around their president and shook his hand
until his shoulder squeaked. wishing him all
the luck in the world, then lying down on
the floor and pillowing their heads on their
boots they fell into deep sleep.