Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-02-05
AN ENGLISHMAN'S EXPERIe
ENCE.

shouldn't call it a country, either; I
should call it a world, ye know. But
cawn't you regulate your railroads in
America? What l mean, is, cawn't you
ave an official railway map with the
government seal-something reliable for
foreigners, We know, and stop these
blawsled fakirs with their bloody maps
and hair ~lines?" -
The reporter inquired whether the
Travelled Englishmun had suffered NOR
ally. mentally Or physically because of
the American dispensation regarding
railroad maps and air lines.
well, fancy, We know. In Chicago,
at the Grand Pacific, a man asks for a
ticket to Cincinnati, and all the reply
he gets is Big Four?' At first We know,
| tancied the booking hagent had mis-.
taken me for Il Of your Big Four
MINISTRIES, and l was properly him
suited" :
You certainly don't look like a
burnl-cork comedian"
''Rayther not, ye know; and the
booking hagent did the quite correct
apology, and explained about the rail-
way attachments oflhe. four big cities
indicated on his bloody map. l 'ope
never TO see another St. Leger run if
the Large -Four Railway wasn't laid
down on ii dead straight bangle of
lorty-tive degrees between Chicago and
Cincinnati. 1t looked on the bloody
map to be the only railway connecting
the two cities, and l booked that way,
We know"
mice road, too"
"1aas; but presently l found myself
in Chicago, at the Palmer 'ouse, and
when asked for a Cincinnati ticket
the hagent impudently observed: j
sell " the Panhandle. Go that wayP'
And when | inquired whether it was the
Big -Four Paunandle,' the hagent re.
piled: 'Big'Four hell! See here, the
Panhandle is the route you want. Why,
the Big Four runs way round to Kan
kakee. We make the connection
straight Then he flashed his bloody
map with a big black line on a dead
straight angle Of forty-tive degrees be-
tween Chicago and Cincinnati, and
said Panhandle was the Indian name
Tor pet route We know"
''You patronized the Panhandle?"
''Yaas."
'.Nice road"
''Yaas, but 'ow about the bloody
maps? All ave got hair lines? Coming
Christmas time l was in Chicago at the
fremont, and l said to the booking ha.
gent there, Which hever OF the two
lines to Cincinnati is the shorter-the
Big -Four or the Panhundie?' Neither,
sin; you want the Monon; it's the ia.
vorlte route;not only takes you through
an 'andsome country, but it's a hail
line Demme, sir, ] 'ope never to see
Lunnun bridge if he didn't unfold
another bloody map with another black
line at q iiangle OF 1orty-tive degrees
connecting the two cities"
you took the Monon?"
'Yaas."
pheasant road?"
"Yaas; but 'ow about the bloody
maps? 'Ow many hair lines ave vel
As remarked, this is a roomy coun
try, you know. 1t as to be. The stocl
OF Chicago 'otel liars would crowd an,
country on the other side. At the Sher:
man 'ouse the booking hagent showed
me another bloody map. L told in
my experience with the other booking
bIokes. Look ERE, said e, my friend
do you want to go to Cincinnati The
way the crow tlies!' 'Yaas.' .Thcr
you must take the G s. A. We skin
you through oLima, shoot you straight
down and save you time, trouble anc
expense. Try the hair line once.' The
bloke lad a bloody map, the same han.
gle of forty-tiye degrees. Ere it is.
'Ere's the rest of the collection"
The travelled Englishman displayed
an immense package OF railroad litera
ture, the bulging bulk OF which sue,
gests at least four dollars worth O
Confederate scrip.
Find the A. u 7. route all richt?'
"Yaas, but | also found more liars ir
Chicago. Demme, sir, the A s. b., Tho
& & IT,, the II a. L., the J g. K, the,
all ave liars, bloody maps and hail
lines at the same bangle. l like your
freedom ere, sir, but in Gawd's name,
owl is it? 'Ow is it your government
permits the publication Of 'alf in 'un.
dred hair line maps, hall laid out OF
the same bangle, leading to the same
city, We know? 'Ow is it?"-Gnciu,
natl Enquirer.