News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-06-17
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
A LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
THE LEISURE HOURS.
Little Too EarIy-They Fished Together
"A Story of the Strike-He Wanted it
Caanged-An Apologize was too Late
Dots and Dashes, ETC., Etc.



AN APOLOGY.
Old Nose and another old darkey
were standing on a conner discussing
matters and things, when Jim Webster
happened to pass.
E'Dar am forty regular chicken steal
ers in dis town, including Jim Webster, :"
remarked the old man.
Jim overheard the remark, so he
came right up to Nose and threatened
to eliminate him if he did not take it
back.
''Den dar am forty regular chicken
stealers in Texas, not includin' Jim
Webster. Is yer satisfied now"
Jim said very much affected: "Uncle
Nose, when a man 'pologizes, he jess
disarms me right dar. Shake, old man.
'Tail't often nowadays dat anybody
fatters me as you has jess done. y
7eras S!ttings.
WANTED IT CHANGED
Shindig Watkins desired to call the
attention of the meeting to the fact that
there was shoal in Lake Huron which
had been set down on the charts by the
government surveyors as "Nigger-H Head
Shoal.n He for one felt it to be refec-
tion on his race, and he hoped the club
would forward its protest to Congress.
"Brudder Watkins, do you call your
self a nigger7" blandly inquired the
President.
"No, sah-no, sab! In co'se don't!
I'ze Guild man, sahm
Pru1Ior WotJyipc on1 CO
am an all de res of de crowd. If dar
am any Niger who wants to complain
about dat shoal, let him go ahead; it
am none of our funeral"
Brother Watkins sat down, but te
didn't look exactly like man who had
gained barrel and half of informa-
ton for nothing. Free Press.
HAD ENOUGH.
They tell it down at Oglethorpe.
While Gen. Gordon was speaking an
old countryman sat upon rock shay
ing a pine stick. When the orator
finished, the countryman was heard to
humble as trough arguing with
friend:
''Welll He did all the fghtin' en-
durin' the war, he whipped all the
Yankees, he saved Georgy, an South
Caliny, an Floridy, an Loosyany, an
the rest of the States, an he built all
the railroads by hisself. That fellow
needs rest, an 1 amt for crowdin' the
Governors job onto him. Bacon is a
big strong fellow, and seems to want to
do som thin. reckon we'd better let
him try it awhile. ."-MacOn Telegraph.
TOO LATE.
:NIaude," he said, tenderly putting
his cane and gloves and hat down upon
The hOOI, o." Al you raNnivvy me %
ono, sir, she answered, coldIy, 'I
VIII not. "
'Oh, Maude, think befoah you
speak, " he urged, as he adjusted his
nocktie. VIII you be my wife?"
''No, sir, herepeated, emphatically,
l won't.
''Maude," he murmured, "you have
mad me verwy, verwy happy. asked
you out of sympathy, don't you know"
The way he went out of the house
reminded those who saw it of a sensa-
tional account of Western cyclone. -
Washington Critic.
ga" IhE 1OINI.
The late Chief Justice Bigelow, wish
ing to come into the city from his home
in Quincy, accidentally took the wrong
car. Upon discovering his mistake he
pulled the bell cord and stopped the
train. The conductor reproved the
Judge for his act, and being angry and
excited said more than he should, and
the Chief Justice made complaint to
the President of the road. When ques-
toned the conductor said: "Well, sir, l
shall go in some day and adjourn Judge
Bigelow's court for him" All felt the
force of the defense, and hearty laugh
followed, in which none joined more
heartily than the Chief Justice himself.
Boston IrGgeller.
ANXIOUS FOR CHANGE OF DIET.
Mrs. Hobson-Now, you and Bobby
must stay to luncheon, Mrs. Hendricks.
1t will be announced in very short
time
Mrs. Hendricks Really, Mrs. Hob
son, you are very kind, but l couldn't
think of it. We shall be expected at
home, and-er I ought to have gone
long before this; but had no idea it
was so late, and Bobby has a cold.
Bobby (who is anxious to stay)-My
cold is good deal better, ma, and be-
sides you told the cook not to get any
lunch for us because we wouldn't be
home to eat it.-N Y. Times.
THE GLOVES.
'tLet me see some of your black kid
gloves" said Mrs. Snaggs to clerk at
a Fifth Avenue store. 'These are not
the latest style, are they?" she asked,
when the gloves were produced.
"Yes,. madam" replied the clerk,
eve have had them in stock only two
days"
Il didn't think they were, because
the fashion-paper says that black kids
have tan stitches and vice versa. l see
the tan stitches, but not the vice versa"
The clerk explained that vice versa
was French for seven buttons, and Mrs.
Snaggs bought the oves.--Pjltsburg
Chronicle.
TOO EARLY IN THE SEASON.
Young Featherly was a guest at Sun
day dinner, and was somewhat amused !