News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-22
NOT A HOME RUN.


Woman-No, sorr; he is my third.
Magistrate (who spends his afternoons
at the polo grounds)-Ah, yes, see !;
got left on third. "-Life.
A GOOD LITTLE BOY.
eyes" said Mrs. Hendricks to the
minister, who was dining with the fam
lily, 'Bobby says his prayers every
night, like a good little boy"
''Ah, indeed" replied the minister
very much pleased, ''and do you pray
for papa and mamma, Bobbv2"
'Oh, yes, for both of 'em, although
I've often heard ma tell pa that he is
past praying for"
THE MOST IMPORTANT.
Sunday school Teacher-Can anv one
of you little boys tell me which of the
commandments is the most important
to keep2
Little Johnny Cwhose father is an
editor)-I can, sir.
What commandment is it, Johnny?
Johnny-Take you home paper! !
Teas Sytings.
AN EX-INDIAN FIGHTER.
An Indian chief who is visiting Wash
ington at Government expense was in
troduced to Senator recently who ha-
very bald head.
The chief looked at him for some
moments with great interest. Finally
he said:
ugh! Where you fight Injun some
time7"
A BOYS REASON.
Mission Teacher--The object of this
lesson is to inculcate obedience. Do
you know what obey means2
Apt Pupil-Yes, marm; I obey my
pap.
Eyes, that's right. Now tell me why
you obey your father2'
'tHe's bigger'n me. ''-Chicago Neacs.
STRIKING DILEMMA.
Reporter-Are you going to work to-
day, Pat?
Pat-Sure, I dunno. Me old woman
says she'll break me head if don't, and
the union men will break me head if I
do. Sure, these are hard times for
dacint men. / think I'll just take me
chances with the old woman.
he KNEW.
Mr.. Hibred-To what do you suppose
the bard referred when he spoke of the
"slippered pantaloon2"
Mrs. Slapdash-Really, sir, 1 have no
idea.
Little Robbie-I bet you 1 know.
Mrs. S.-My son, ou were not spoken
to.-Ram6ler.
DECEPTIVE PHOTOGRAPH.
''The picture is very fair, Brown, but
you look too sad"
"Yes, looked sad on purpose. You
see it's for my wife, who is in the
country, and if it looked bright and
cheerful she'd be coming home to find
out what the matter was.
DRAW.
Smoker-Look here, Isaac, this cigar
that l just bought of you wont draw
subbose Use givin' away SUCTION bumps
NIT dem fife~cent Vigtorias 2--Jttdge.
ONE OF THE BLRs OF LIFE.
Said the widow, mendacious young Mrs,
really don't know what Kris.
The lover, in haste,
Put his arm round her waist,
Life.
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
PEOPLE generally write their names
legibly to a subscription list.
A CHEESE factory is to be started at
Caracas, South America. The natives
will then live no doubt on Caracas and
cheese.
A NORTH ADAMS woman is spoken of
as "quarrying stone like man." PROB
ably she thinks a stone man is better
than none.
PEOPLE who always mind their own
business in this world get rich faster
than people of the other kind do, but
they lose lots of fun.
NEPHEW: "Oh, say, uncle, as was
passing this way 1 thought 1 would
drop in" Uncle: every sorry, my boy,
but haven't got any,"
A CORRESPONDENT wishes to know
how editors spend their leisure hours
Leisure hours?-oh, yes; they spend
them catching up with their work.
"TIME expired; man ditto" was the
reason country postmaster gave for
notifying a publisher to discontinue
sending his paper to certain address.
A SABLE citizen of Texas made bet
that he could eat fifty watermelons in
fifty hours. He stalled on the thirty
seventh. They inscribed on his coffin,
"Aet 81"
THE children were playing at horse
railroad. Tommy suddenly exclaimed:
'Look here, we've forgotten something.
We can't go on unless we buy up an
alderman" What ridiculous ideas
sometimes get into children's heads!
'LooK here" said man to the list
ers as they were making their figures on
his real estate; 81 want you to remem-
Der that there is hereafter" eyes"
responded one of the listers, "but the
tax collectors will take care of that"
sFoR heavens sake, Judge, how you
do look!" Judge (all bandaged): 'Tsn't
it too bad, Professor2 Twice l have
been shot at, and finally my gun burst.
Indeed, if it were not for my health, ten
horses would not drag me to the hunt
ing ground"
'PAPA," said a 12-year-old miss to
her paternal parent yesterday, "can you
tell me why President Cleveland, since
his marriage with Miss Folsom, is like
an Anarchist" He gave it up, and
then she told him it was "because he
loved Herlr) Most"
"What very pretty girl your friend
is, Miss Constantina!" "Such bright
eyes and clear complexion one seldom
sees. Hasn't she Irish blood in her
veins?" 'On, yes" Miss Constantine
replied; "she is true daughter of Erin
Go Bragh." "Well, all l have to say
is" added Dumley, who greatly ad-
mires pretty girl, "Mr. and Mrs. Go
Bragh ought to be proud of her"