The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-12-08
THE LIN E-KILN CLUB.
Pardon Johnson Is Given Some Gooe
Advice about the World and Its Wavs

Advice about the World and Its Ways.
"Am Pardon Johnson in de hall
=, this eavenin,' asked the President.
as he turned his gaze toward the
stove. behind which Pardon is sure
to be seated if the thermometer
marks anywhere less than eighty
degrees above.
Yes, sah.'
Den please step dis way until |
spoke a few words wild you. Par
don | understand dat you am sudyn'
to be a doctah." --
Eyes, sah.'
Oats good news, an lie persen-
ally glad. Dey am sartin things
which you should allus keep in view.
In de tust place look digniticd an
act wise. Many a man who doan'
know huff to come in when it rains
has KEEP de tack from de publick by
lookin' wise as if he knew all dat
had happened in dis world eber since
de fust sun rose an sot."
Yes, sah.'
If you am called in a case, an
you find you doan know whedder
de pusson has got de smallpox or
de measles, dOan gin yourself away
too quickly. Gin de case a few days
to develop, an it will turn out to be
one or dc odder. Arter it turns you
want to remark dat you war sure of
it fun de fust."
Il understands
"Nebber gin up "a case. De doc
tah who admits dat he can't do a
pashient any good loses prestige;
de doctah who hangs byytill de pa
tent goes under groun' kin say dat
nobody could heve saved him"
Il was intendin' to say dat, sab
Keep your prescriptions an
awful secret, Pardon: If YOU should
tell a sick man dat yon had given
him a Dover'S powder or some Peru
Wan bark, he never would git well.
Your only safety am in deceivin'
your patients. If de medicine works
all right dey will get well an praise
your skill; if it works de odder way
de undertaken an de sexton will hide
de fack under ground.
Oats what what Tn clakerlatin'
On. 80 =
"In case some dderdoctahs should
so fur forgit hisself, Pardon, as to
order morphine in place of quinine,
an de pashient didn't happen to
detect the difference, an death result
ed, doan go back on de purfeshun.
If you can't help him lay it on de
druggist, you may spread de ideah
dat some one Of de family changed
de powders to profit bv his death, or
you can boldly sw'ar dat morphine
am quinine.-~If,de right kind Of a
: coroner has de job. his jury will
bring de -doctah out wild fyin' col
Ors."
"Dat am my programmy, sab"
can, lastly, Pardon, enter into
partnership wild some druggist as
soon as You make "a start. People
who am foolish huff to fall sick
mus spect to pay we'll fur deir med
icines. De hundred per cent, profit
which de druggist celebrates on
kin jist as we'll be made a hundred
an fo'ty, an de extra goes to you.
An some more lastly, doan hev nuf-
fin to do wild patent medicines. . If
a patient of yours has a bruise doan
permit him to buy a salve or lini-
ment off de shelf. You kin git two
dollars fur writin' him out a pre-
scription fur de very same thing"
Il learned dat de very first week,
sah." w. ~ ?
Exactly. lie glad to see you
hev tumbled to- all de little rackets,
an on behalf of dis club [ bid you
good speed an promise dat arter six
months study GU kin 60 10th into
de wide wide world an help to slay
an kill in de utmoas' confidence" =
IpfrOif Eroo Drocc