davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
BILL NYE ON CURRENCY.
The Unhappy Lot of an Editor Who
Tackled This Question.

II would seem at this time, that while so
little is being said On the currency question,
and especially by the men who really con-
troll the currency, that u word from me
would not be out of place.
Too much talking has been done by those
only who have theoretical knowledge of
money and its eccentric habits People
with mere smattering Of knowledge re-
garding national currency have been To-
quaciouS, while those who have made the
matter "A study have been kept in the back
ground.
At this period in the history Of our coun-
try there seems to he general stringency
and many are in the stringency business
who were never that way before. Every
thing seems TO be demonetized, The de
monetization OF groceries is doing as much
toward the general wiggly palsy of trade as
anything ] know of.
But may say, in alluding briefly to the
silver dollar, that there are worse calami-
ties than the silver dollar Other things
may occur in our lives which, in the way of
sadness and three-co gloom, make
the large, robust dollar look like an old
fashioned half-dime
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13

Brethren, said tho Rcv. Sam Joues in
his closing sermon at Cincinnati, you'd
better do Ike Chicago hrag on Yourself
and stand by yourseIf,n and ha intimated
that Chicago was on hand to bear te timony
like tue yellow brother at the m m'etin5:
Well. at this experience meeting an old
colored brothcrgo upand said: "Bre deln,
/ are tie mcane,t nigger in all this country.
I'll steal, aud Ill tell lies, and I'll get drunk,
and there ain mean thing in Grd's world
won't do
Well that was considered a good "eSperi-
ence, and he took hi, seat and ihcn a great
big yellow brother jumped up and said:
'Br ern, ! have hcerd Br'er Steve's confes-
sion, and its true, fore God. - Chicago
lrihnnn.
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
The Old, old story.

We borrowed a mule and buggy last week
and started out to stir up our delinquents
We rode twenty miles the first day, had
our new hat smashed by coming in contact
with an overhanging limb, wore out buggy
whip that cost sixty cents, and collected
Sl.5O in cash and bushel and half Of corn.
The second day we rode twenty-five miles,
missed our dinner dunned seventeen of our
beloved patrons and didn't collect cent.
The third day we arose at o clock a. m,
missed cur breakfast. lost twenty minutes
trying to wake up Jim Alexander as we
passed his house, rode twenty-four miles and
collected S. 3D. The fourth day we traverscd
the whole country, lost a goose one Of our
friends had given us for Christmas din
ner. and collected $85 so We then came
home, turned the mule out to die, and went
TO bed II anybody wants to buy a good
printing Office, with ample assets and small
liabilities, and large latitude for fnme, ctc -,
we are prepared 10 offer a bargain, Don
ough (Ga) Weekly.
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
Many people do not know that
s TUD NIT OIL

will burn lamp but under the impression intended
only for Student Lamps Now this mistake for will only
burn lamp which any other oil will burn has this great
advantage all other oils that will smoke Furthermore
the peculiar in which Student Oil manufactured being
taken from the still that point dsaon when the fluid IS
most free from the extremely volatile oils renders absolutely safe
from danger by explosion The that many oils
dangerous and explode because manufacturers
cheaper oils anxious make money that they entirely
cse sight of the countless lives which they endanger by spreading
broadcast the country oils which safe when the
precauon exercised in their fact has become
and manifest the general public and the great demand
for purer and safer oils has been by manufacturers
Student OIL The great increase sales Of Student Oil shows
that the safety point been reaedand that the people appreciate
the efforts that have been safety Our sales have
than doubled and still increasing For sale by all
hrstclass live grocers and druggists.
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
\ rurdonable Mistake.
I,ihn,l Nvnit tn Nnrr.lIn.

Reuben DoolittIe was we'll knoNn a1 The
strongest man in Connecticut ani remark
able wrestler Men came from distances to
throw Him but MI failed Once stranger
arrived at Reubens on this crrand. Reu-
ben asked him 10 stay all night promising
to wrestle in the morning Both were up
betimes, and the stranger was invited TO 60
out to the barn aud have Il drink of cider.
AT the burn Reibu seized large barrel of
cider, and, with apparent ease lifted it and
drank from the bung hole. NOW said he.
ns he put the barrel down and wiped his
mouth well have some breakfast, and
then wei wresglr Tie stranger decided
he had other business tn waull prevent
the match D'trou Free Press,
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
4 Drummer. utt at 81. Iouis.

Scme 'diummers' were sitting about the
Palmer house rotunda the other nj Iii swap
ping chcstnuts. when local man roasted
the following: A Chicago drummer sold his
last bill of goods, died and went to the in
fernal regions There lie was shown about
the place by I.ucifer himself He was shown
the pits of molten lead for New %erli drum
mers and the sulphur caves designed for the
torture Of Minneapolis drummers, and the
lakes of fire awaiting his own elan. Then
he was taken to a room of great heat where
n number of drummers were suspended by
the neck, "l'his,n said Lucifer, "iS the dry
ing room" The drying room~ asked the
drummer YES responded the other;
''these are St Louis drummers They are
too green to burn at first, so we hang them
up TO dry Chicago News
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
mittinr a KentucI,Ian,s Vanity.

A man from Kentucky consulted one Of
our physicians the other day for bad case
of indigestion and the doctor advised him
TO try the hot water cure, handing him at
the same time glass of that popular rem
edy. Taking it in his hand the patient be-
gan to pull on wry face and brace himself
for the ordeal SIS it very nastyl' he
asked.
70 no, said the medico; mot very, but
some people have tender throats-c can't
stand ANYTHING strong. I'll dilute it little
if you like
Tn Kentuckian's vanity was hit hard
He turned in the seaming liquid without
flinchin-, recovered his breath, and said,
with affected indifference:
Bah! could take it cod. San Fran
cisco Wan
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
1he Sow sohool OF poetrr.

Anybody can write poetry in these times,
II he only has the patience to dodge good
rhymes.
And knows where to put the capital letters
And how to break the letters
Which long have bound the slavish poet
In short, if lie is strong enough to cut loose
and go it
On his own hook, sans meter, sans rythm,
sans sense, sans inspiration,
Sans everything but desire to stir up some
sort of a sensation.
BY calling attention to his new school Of art
In which 'succotash and bromide Of pot
ASST are made to rhyme with "heu."
-Chicnso y VS..
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
she Floored Him by Wire.

Young city gent engaged to Santa Rosa
belle; happy day, Sl,t ult Somebody tickle.
IAN is over between us" The 3l~t arrives
and he sends her telegram: 'Please nc
cept my congratulations on our mutual
escape" She replies; Many thanks. Had
forgotten all about H. Pc. col
He VOWS to be even with this levy on his
purse ii he be obliged to wear one collar a
week during the rest of his life. -C california
M,,nripl-
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
snyinr nj. W.r Hrcnr,,.

A strapping big fellow was pulled out or
the Ohio river after a steamboat explosion.
Lost murh" asked a sympathi2ng by
stander.
: l should say so, said the dripping pill
grim, lost all my baggage"
"Nluch Of itf'
"Wel (hesitutingly) there was a pair of
stockings and dirty shirt Then, bright.
ening up, he added, But thauk God
have saved my war record
With this lie pulled out Of his vest pocket
a very vet provost mnrshlls certificute-.
that he hud furnished substitute r Chicago
Iedger
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13

stared me in the face. l began TO tninK OF
all the acts of my past life, of the crimes of
boyhood days, the errors of after years. l
saw my poor old mothers face, and her
dying words rang in my ears | thought of
how had wronged her by voting for old
Woodson, and felt so mean that ] shranli
up TO the size of mouse and crawled out Of
the log. That is true gentlemen and I'll
never vote for Woodson. &C Chambersburg
Herald
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
rha Mood, Are rull Of II.

Amateur Sportsman Uu old ttleD Amy
gamr about us ueghhorhoo /, stranger!
Old Sclll = | ! nty Of il, stranger
Amateur Snurismun Big game:
Old Stlllr some al irl Ing game,
stranger
Amateur Sportsman (rNritrd Can You
put me on ~
Oh S'ttlrr You bet
Sportsman What kind OF ammunition
will we want.
Old Settler rk ! chips. stranger. New
York Sut
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
How Long Would She Run If Wound Up,

slab-sided, Undiscovered granger entered
Main street clock store about dusk Satur-
day evening, and, with bewildered look,
asked; "Alister, is this where a man kin cit
a clock3'
''Yes. sir said the clerk.
'Wall, said the granger, "what be that
ticker worth" pointing 10 an ornate and in.
tricate piece of time-recording mechanism
on the shelf
THAT, sir, said the clerk, dis a wonderful
timepiece 1t is worth 5000, and will run
three years without wnding.n
Great Scottm gasped the granger: s'three
years wi hout windingl Say. mister, how
long would the blamed thing run If she was
wound up' courier. Journal.
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
lhr Young Idea.

A a-l ear Old discovered the eghhol.s hens
in her yard scratching. mumo,t indignant
tone she reported TO her mother that Mrs
Smilh'- hons we're 'wiping their feet on ori
gra-s - Exchange.
Uncle Georgr-Aud SO you go to scloo!
now, Julnn, What part Of the exercises
do you like best! Johnny--The exercise Wa
get at recess Boston Transcript.
Little Paul is having good deal of diff.
Guilty IA committing 10 memory the Lords
PRAYER The other night after repeating IT
with the assistance of his mamma, he looked
up and said, Mamma. won't the Lord be
glad when can say this through without q
hreak. y lInrnal.s Bnzlr
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
mnw " nna,nn .n,ea nII AIItn.. IIle.

1t was in the far wt.st. The village wa, a
county seat aud all political speeches we're
nude AT he court house. The clans were
gathering early in tic evening. tor it was to
be- a great nj ,ht among the politicians. Tbs
Republicans, Democrat, and tirernhnrkerS
were holding It juui martn, 10 d',cus,
political issues Governor N,udrun WIS
running on the Democratic ticket for re
election. and John S'el,, spoke for him
SAID hr;
"FELLow-t tIllZGN-: ,luud here within
view ol the classic ,hl,lcS Of Washington
and jefferson 10 proclaim the virtues of
Governor Wn1d.pn
When he hal finished "a grand louurnt
speech wi'i his Lrgnnin- he witS follow ed
by old man Nli.n, wljn spoke in huuorou,
vein and IN Il .Vupaky tone ut voice:
Now, gentlcm"n am not any further
from the shade. Of } irrIs N than Stokes is
but know mere ahuut Guvcruor Noodson.
Now. to b. honest cd WundSan saved my
life once hut don't lh,uk him Tor IL bit
II happened in this way: | went a-hun IN
and took fine English twist, double
barreled shotgun with me 1t began to rain
and was afraid that gun would be ruined
by ru I. So crawled into a hollow gum log
with the gam Ths log got Wet aud begun
TO swell, | was we ged in | couldn't get
out. began to think Of death and eternity
Horror Of horrors thought / TO die in
] this way is shameful: but the grim monster
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
rnn TrntIirnI Iiri,lm..i-

Bridget There's couple o ludie, called,
Missus DcNer,
Mrs DrNrre-Oh dear can't see any
one now Excuse me, Biddy Tell them
Pm asleep
Bridget Missu, peVerc presents her com
plimentS an z she's very sorry, but she's
aslape The Rambler.
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13

Here, Johnnie, what do You mean by
taking Wlics cake away frou him: Didn't
you have piece for yOur,elfF
Yes but you told me J alway, ought to
take my little brothers Iart Palmer
Journal
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
Information.

''Father, /, a blind man always heayyP
Don't ask such foolish que.tious; you
know very we'll hp is not,
We'll, pop, you know he is genally led :"
AT this juncture the juvenile oifendes
podgel flying book Boston Budget,
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-03-13
Artl.t Chnreoll.
An "Exrcricnce " yourhcd ror.

Patron Charcoal! Why. what on enrtE
do you make your cheap pictures withi-
Life
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28
Altogether Too Realistic.

The Nashville American thus de-
scribes O. too-real:stic scene in theatre
of that city: Among those who saw
the "Gold King" at the Park theatre
recently was q young man OF fair
complexion, blue-eyed, and neatly
dressed, who, after taking several
glasses OF wine at the bar, went up
stairs and took the procenium box.
In the play, toward the close OF the
second act, is the clue for Hetorc, the
Newfoundland dog, to spring from be-
hind the scenes upon w. s. Thompson,
the william OF the play, and apparently
choke him to death as the curtai
goes down. Accordingly at the APP
pointed time, a large, dark object was
seen to launch itself forward and set
tie upon the shoulder of the william
The two fell to the stage, and the
seeming struggle of death began.
Just at this moment the young man
in the proscenium box leaned forward
out of the box and, pointing a pistol
toward the man and the dog, not 20
feet away, fired. The audience rose
as one man and made for the street.
They thought tragedy was being en-
acted. The young man dashed out OF
the box and ran down stairs. A
moment later he was collarel. Search
revealed pistol, 38 calibre In ex-
PLANTATION OF the shooting he said he
thought the dog was killing the man,
and he wanted to save the latter
He was put behind the bars. The bull
let, which lodged in the scenery, could
not have missed Mr.. Thompson by
over q foot.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28
Gates of Hardness.

All men and women should rejoice
to remain part child all through life,
however long it's coarse may run.
The games, the dance, the anecdote,
the assembly of friends, the feast, are
as much part of humanity as its
natural power to laugh or to perceive
the points of wit. Amusement is one
of the forms of human happiness.
This happiness, like old Thebes, has
a hundred gates for its coming and
going-the gate ofteals, for man weeps
when he is happy, amid music or in
revisiting his mothers home, the gate
of pensiveness, for he is happy when
he reads "Gray's Elegy' or walks in
the rustling autumn leaves; the gate
of admiration, for man is happy amid
the beauty of nature and of art; the
gate OF friendship, when heart finds
its companion heart; the gate ofhope,
for man is happy when the coming
days are pictured with these angel fig
ures of expectation. Ofthese hundred
gates of happiness amusement makes
unexplained by the Builder OF human
life. 1t must open before us and we
may all pass in and out as long as
the heart shall remain unbroken by
death or grief.-Rev. David Swing.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28
British Maidens.
From the London Truth.

Are you awal e, my dear, of the APP
palling fact that there are 948, 900
more women than men in Great Brit
ain? At least there was this very awful
disparity of numbers at the last CEN
sus, and don't suppose that the dis
proportion has decreased since then.
In fact, it seems that it is likely to
become greater and greater; tor more
girls are born than boys, and men do
not, as rule, live so long as women.
This immense fact means, perhaps,
very little to married women, unless
they are mothers of a large and ex-
pensive family of daughters; but to
the unappropriated among us, it is
fraught with the direst meaning. We
are all taught from our nursery days
upward to look forward to the time
when we shall be married s.and live
happy ever after" Do not all the
nursery stories and fairy tales end
with wedding bells? And suppose it is
natural for q woman to like to have
hon,e of her own and husband and
children. There are women who
would despise US for making such a
confession; but do you think with me
that an nnshared life seems incom-
plete? Well, dear, in the face Of all
this, are these dreadful figures, the fe-
male overplus Of 948, 600.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28
rhe Younger man from Aleiers burst

The younger man from Algiers burst
into wild cry of grief and sank upon
the neck of his friend. He, too, was
sobbing as If his own heart would
break. Bartlett stood over Foster
wiping his forehead with a handker-
chief. sat stock still in my chair,
the scene of human anguish and des-
peration which had been conjured up
slowly vanishing like the illusion OF a
magic lantern.
Its true" said the younger mans
friend; ''his father was q stock-ralser
in Texas, and after he had been miss
ing from his drove for over a week,
they found him dead and swollen, with
his leg broken. They tracked him a
good distance from where he must have
fallen. But nobody ever heard till
now how he died. Archibald Gordon
in New York World.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28
MARKET REPORTS.

CHcAao.-Wheat, No. 2 spring. s1A@
size; No. 8 spring, 6S@89c. Corn. 36hc.
Oats. 28@2SHc. Rye, No. 2, 5sc. Barley,
No. 2, 63@64c, Flax seed, No. l, silly.
Mess pork. cash, $1O.25. Lard, $6.O5@
t.08h. Butter, creamery, 20@32c; dairy;
l1@24c. Eggs, 19h@2Oc. Shipments
Flour, 1000 bbls.
Observation-Disclosures No. hard, S6Kc.;
No. Northern, size. Corn, 3O@31hc.
Bran, $4,000. Shorts, $4,000. Oats,
No. 2white: ss@Ssc. Rye, 49@5lc. Bar,
Feed, $14.25@14.5O Hay, $7@7.5O.
Seeds. Timothy, $l.5O@1 go; No. ! fax
seed. $1.05; clover, $5@5.4O. Oat Meal,
S2.35@3.
DULuTH.-No. / Northern, s4x@s4Zc.
MLwAuKEE.-Wheat, size. Corn No. 2,
S6%c. Oats, No. 2, 2shc. Rye, No: !, Csc.
Barley, No. 2, 53c. Mess pork, $10.25.
Lard, $6,O5. Butter dairy, 15@17c.
Cheese. SA@10Hc Eggs, 1920.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28

Four score years and ten have not seen
the equal OF Ely's Cream Balm as remedy
for Catarrh, Colds in the Head, and Hay
Fever. 1t works like magic, giving relief at
once, and permanent benefit. A thorough
treatment cures the worst cases. Apply
with the finger into the nostrils. Price so
cents at druggists. 60 cents by mail. Ely
Bros, Owego, N. Y.
For all forms OF nasal catarrh where
there is dryness OF the air passage with
what is commonly called ''stufting up" es.
pecially when going to bed, Ely's Cream
Balm gives perfect and immediate relief.
Its benefit to me has been priceless.-A. G.
Chase, NJ. D.. Wildwood, Kansas.
have used one bottle OF Ely's Cream
Balm and it is the best remedy l have
found for catarrh in fifteen years.-V. G.
Babbage, Attorney, Hardinsburg, Ky.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28
SENATE.-Not in Session.

HousE.-There was an exciting contest in
the house over the passage ofthe resolution
introduced 81 few days ago in relation to
the alleged discharge OF ex-Union soldiers
from the Norfolk navy yard. After some
filibustering over the amendment reported
by the committee, the previous question
was ordered Tuis gave fifteen minutes Ter
debate TO each side. Mr.. Boutelle made 2
speech IN which he reiterated the charges
contained IN hjs resolution. and mentioned
the master maehipest, Cothers. who had
remarks were frequently appiaudaa by the
Republican side. Mr.. Wise Of Virginia re-
sponded to Mr.. Boutelle in speech ofgreat
visor and earnestness, which was received
with greater demonstrations Of approval
than were given Mr, Boutelle. The resolu-
naval affairs was then adopted and the
house took a recess; the evening sessiap to
lie for the cons iderat ton Of pension bills.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28
A Lazy Man.

THAT man." said the genial Warden
Of tho Insane Asylum, TO . friend,
pointing to one of the patients, sis the
LATEST man il the asylum.
How is thst3"
why, he is chronic sDn," replied
varnell. IF he should contract the
smallpox he would be two years bfeak-
Ing out National Weekly.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28

Judge Harry White was arrested at In
diana, Pa. recently on charge offorgery.
The information was made by his brother,
Thomas White a son OF Alex White, who
is contesting his mothers will. OF which
Judge White fs executor, and the chief ben
eficiary. The information charges the
Judge with altering and defacing and falsi-
flying a certain document in the orphans
court Of Indiana county. Judge White
served two terms in congress and was a
brigadier general in the late war.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28

Hope ON. hope ever" How many deli
cate ladies there are who, while they at
tend to thier daily duties, do so with ach-
ing heads. sense OF fullness. pain in the
back and depressed spirits, who are "only
keeping about" as the phrase is. Some
day they ''go into a Decline" and leave
their children motherless. To such we
would say, 'Cheer up" Timely use OF DR..
Pierce's "Favorite Prescription" corrects
all female irregularities, weaknesses, and
kindred affections easily, pleasantly
and quickly.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28

Mrs. F. Win; er. 544 De Soto ST., st. Paul,
Mimi, says her husband was SO sick he
could not retain food on his stomach, ply
sicians could do him no good, at last Brown 8
Iron Bitters was tried, result as usual a COM
plete cure. Mrs. w. says all her neighbors
when they are sick now use the medicine, hav-
ing been convinced OF it's value by Mr.. VIM
ter's recovery.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28

Try ALIENS LUNG BALsAM for coughs
and Group. 1t contains no opium in any
form. Recommended by physicians, min
listers and nurses. In fact by everybody
who has given it good trial. 1t never
fails to bring relief. Sold at druggists.
25c., SOC. and 81 bottle.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28

The office held by the Kidneys is one o
Importance. They act as natures sluice
way to carry off the extra liquids from the
system and with them the impurities both
those that are taken into the stomach and
those that are formed in the blood. Any
clogging or inaction OF these organs is
therefore important. kidney-Wort is
Natures efficient assistant in keeping the
kidneys in good working order. strength
ening them and inducing healthy action.
II you would get well and keep well, take
Kidney-Wort.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28

There are nineteen metals more valuable
than gold, but no remedy which will COM
pare with Bigelow's Positive Cure for
coughs and colds. A prompt and pleasant
cure for all throat and lung troubles. so
cents and 81.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28

All diseases OF lower bowel, including pile
tumors, radically cured. Book OF particu-
lars, 10 cents in stamps. Worlds Dispen-
sary Medical Association, 663 Main street,
Buffalo, N, Y.
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28

VIM. Black, Abingdon, Iowa, was cured
OF cancer of the eye by DR.. Jones' Red
Clover Tonic, which cures all blood dis
orders and diseases Of the stomach, liver
and kidneys. The best tonic and appetizer
known. so cents,
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28

Has Mr.. Pasteur discovered cure for
hydrophobia? Why should he not? Greater
discoveries have been made For instance,
Red Star Cough Cure contains no narcotics,
is purely vegetable and yet quickly cures
the worst throat or lung trouble. Only
25 cents
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-01-28

Carl Z. Herring OF Wisconsin, has been
appointed to q $1,000 clerkship in the
third assistant postmaster generals Office
under the ci vii service rules.