The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-04-08

He Talks About Etiquette AT Hotels.
Etiquette at hotels is q subject that
has been lightly treated upon by our
modern philosophy, and yet 1t is sub
ject that lies very near every American
heart. Had / not already more re-
forms on hand than l can possibly sue
cessfully operate i would gladly use my
strong social influence and trenchant
pen in that direction. Etiquette at
hotels, both on the part of the proprie-
tor and his hirelings, and on the part
of the guest, is matter that calls loud
ly for Improvement.
The hotel waiter alone would we'll
repay q close study. From the tardv
and polished loiterer of the effete East
to the off-handed and social equal of the
budding West, all walters are deserving
of philosophical scrutiny. Twas thrown
in contact with waiter in New York
last summer, whose manners were far
more polished than my own. Every
time saw him standing there with his
immediate pantaloons and swallow-tail
coat and the PARKWAY, chastened-look
of one who had been unfortunate but
not crushed, felt that was unworthy
to be waited upon by such blue.
blooded thoroughbred, and i often
wished that we had more such men in
Congress. And when he would take
my order and go away with it, and after
the meridian of my life had softened
into the mellow glory of the sere and
yellow leaf, when he came back, still
looking quite young, and never having
forgotten me, recognized me readily,
after the long. dull, desolate years, l
was glad and felt that he deserved
something more than mere empty
thanks, and 1 said to him: "Ah, sir,
you still remember me after years of
privation and suffering. When every
one else in New York has forgotten me,
with the exception of the confidence
man, you came to me with the glad
light of recognition in your clear eye.
Would you be offended if / gave you
this trifiing testimonial of my regard ?"
at the same time giving him my note at
thirty days.
/ wanted him to have something by
which to always remember me, and 1
guess he has.
Speaking of walters reminds me of
one at Glendive, Montana. We had to
telegraph ahead in order to get place
to sleep, and when we registered the
landlord showed out an old double
entry journal for US to record our names
and postoffice address in. The Office
was the bar, and before we could get
our room assigned us we had to wait
fortv-fve minutes for the landlord to
collect pay for thirteen drinks and lick
personal friend. Finally, when he
got around to me, he told me that
could sleep in the night bartender's
bed, as he would be up all night and
might possibly get killed and never
need it again anyhow. 1t would cost
me 81 cash in advance to sleep ole
night in the bartender's bed, he said,
and the house was so blamed full that
he and his wife had to wait till things
kind of quoted down and then they
would have to put mattress on the if
teen ball-pool table and sleep there.
1 called attention to my valuable
valise that had been purchased at great
cost, and told him that he would be
safe to keep that behind the bar till i
paid, but he said he wasn't in the Sec
ond-hand valise business, and SO paid
in advance. 1t was humiliating, but he
had the edge on me.
At the tea table 1 noticed that the
waiter was young man who evidently
had not been always thus. He had the
air of one who yearns to have some one
tread on the tail of his coat. Weakness
with me, is one of my characteristics.
1t is almost a passion. 1t is the result
of personal In uries received in former
years at the hands of parties who ex-
celled me in brute force and who sue
ceeded in drawing me ont in CONVERSE
ton, as it were, till / made remarks
that were injudicious.
So did not disagree with this waiter,
although L had grounds. When he
came around and snorted in my ear.
"Salt pork, antelope and cold beans,
mt the same time leaning his full weight
on my back, while he evaded the reve-
nue. law by retailing his breath to the
guests without a license, thought l
would call for what he had the most of,
so said if he didn't mind, and it
would't be too much trouble, L would
take cold beans.
w1l leave it to the calm, impassion-
ate and bipartisan reader to state
whether that remark ought to create ill
feeling. / do not think it ought.
However, he was irritable, and life to
him seemed cold and dark. So he
went to the general-delivery window
that led to the cold-bean laboratory,
and remarked in a horse, insolent, and
ironical tone of voice.
"'Nother - suspicious-looking
character wants cold beams"