The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-01-29
WIT AND WISDOM.

Lady Customer want to see some shoes
Salesman--What style and size?
L. C.-French kid, twos.
Is shown French kid twoS.
l.. C.-Whar's the price?
SaleSmall-Four dollars and nifty cents.
l.. C.-That is very high; haven't you some for
Is shown shoes for 81.
L. C.-Havent you something better for the
same price?
Salesman-No, ma'am
L. C.-Hayen't you them with French heels?
Is shown with French heels.
L. C.-What price did you say they were?
SaleSman-Four dollars -
L. C.-They don't suit exactly, but guess I'll
take pair.
L,C.-TWo is my SiZe but as lhaYe hlgn lnStep
and don't like to cramp my foot L guess you mad
better give me four and half.
Suffering intensely with rheumatism tor week,
tried Athlophoros. The first dose gave me great
relief, and three doses entirely cured me, not
having had the slightest touch of the disease
since George Bray, Orange Conn.
Two doctors were disputing by the bedside OF
man during his recent illness. -.
81 tell yon the liver is diseased" said one:
''Nonsense, nothing OF the kind 1t is the
spleen" said the other.
-'sVerv well, we shall see who is IN the right at
the post norton examination"
Hearing which, the patient became real mad
and got up and dressed himself. He began to i'm
prove from that time and hasn't known sick day
since.
Pain from indigestion, dyspepsia, and too hearty
eating is relieved at once by taking one OF Carriers
Little Liver Pills Immediately after dinner. Don't
forget this.
A gentleman who had INDUCED quite too freely
and hadn't had the discovery made ior nm IN
season to get carriage, was helped nome Dy
very good Samaritan tan He M bis Ser
my name?' satd the gentleman from saiaria'
"Oh, Pm st. Paul" 49,, .er+
and looked dreamily at his departing friend II
shawl said he, .'St. Paw Did you ever get any
ansher to that--long letter you wrote the
EpheSianS?"
Women with pale, colorless faces who feel weak
and discouraged, will receive both mental ana poo
lily yigor by using Carriers Iron Pills, whlch are
made for the blood, nerves and complexion
A short time ago little girl in Alabama wrote
a note to the Emperor of Austria congraituiiailng
him nnon the happy recurrence of his birthday,
which was also her own. Last week sne received ,a
from the emperor four-eafed clover IN gold
with diamond dewdrop in its centre, and in
scribed: From his Imperial Majesty, Emperor
Francis Joseph L., to Charlotte foiiaK'
The medicinal and pharmaceutical professions
indorse Colgan's Tatfy Tolu and use it freely In
their families They know 1t to be healthful'
Hateful and exasperating beyond all words TO
express is the off-hand and perfunctory counsel OF
| those who have never themselves been trans1xed
| by the barb of misery, to make light OF 1t and
| throw it off.
Madam, can you tell NE why two women stop
| in the middle of streetcrosSing to talkT
81 suppose they do it for the same season that
| man rushes at top Of his peed to get across tne
| track in front Of a train, and then STANDS ana
watches the train go by" The gentleman changed
| the subject.
Clipped from Canada Presbyterian, under sig
| nature of c. Blackett Robinson, Propr.: was
cured of oft-recurring bilious headaches by Bur-
dock Blood Btters.
He (solemnly) "You had very narrow escape
| last night, Miss Julia.
i' SSheB1SVhy, what do you mean2'
| He-"Welf you see / had a dream about you
| Thought was Just about to kiss you, when the
| honsemaid raped at the door, and woke up"
she latter short pause)-"That girl must go!"
Young Mrs yassarline-"You are sure this is
real English breakfast tea, Mr.. Grocer2"
| ooh yes we warrant it." a.
| wei, IN take a pound If you are sure. Our
fully mortified to give them Japan by MISTAKE