Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1886-05-20
Anmurpns department.

to get your latchkey in"
Eyes dear"
"And you remember the night before
how you asked me to come down and hold
the stone steps still enough for you to step
on 2"
"Yes, dear"
"And the night before that how you tried
to jump into the bed as it passed your cor
ner of the room :"
Yes, dear"
"And still another night when you care
fully explained to me that no man was in
toxicated as long as he could lie down with
out holding on, and then attempted to go to
bed on a perpendicular WALL"
eyes, dear"
"John, do you realize that you have come
home sober but two nights in the past
week."
"Have I, dear ?"
'That's all and you ought to be ashamed
of yourself, too. The idea ola man of your
age-But, John, why, you're crying. There,
there, dear, I didn't mean to be too severe.
After all, you did come home sober two
nights"
"sYes, that's what makes me feel so bad"
And the meeting adjourned.
WIT SAVED HIM.-A brigade was en-
camped near Charleston, Va, says Allen f.
Hall, in the Grand Army Sentinel, and a
guard had been detailed so protect the prop
erty of the citizens in the neighborhood and
strict orders given against foraging or TAX
ing anything without paying for it. The
colonel of one of the regiments was out one
day with his staff and all of a sudden he
came upon a private of his regiment with
a sheep on his back, evidently just killed.
He rode up to the soldier and asked him
"Where did you get that sheep"
He answered: Cup here in the field"
"Did you buy him?
"No, sir; 1 just killed him, So"
"Why, don't you know that strict orders
have been issued against doing anything
like that?
"Yes, sir, 1 know it, and will tell you
how it was. I was going along the road,
whistling the Star Spangled Banner and
his sheep held up his head and looked
straight at me and said 'ba-a, ba-a,' and,
sir, I up and killed him, as I won't allow
anything to say 'ba-a' at me when Pm
singing or whistling the Star Spangled
Banner"
1t is needless to say the colonel told him
to 20 ahead. The fellows wit saved him
that time.
EXPECTED HER TO HELP SOME.-Silas
is a country character, who means we'll.
He tries to earn q living, and thinkers
around" at odd jobs and chores and what
ever he can get to do; but he works a good
deal as he talks, with a painful drawl that
is very suggestive of that state of natural
restfulness which his ilk call "born tired"
Silas came to mend a fence the other day for
one of his patrons in the suburban village
where he belongs with a peculiar air of fes-
tivity about him. He had on a bright new
necktie of blue japanese silk, and his honest
face was covered by an expansive grin all
the time that he wa receiving his orders.
"You seem happy, Silas," said Mr.. Blank,
with some curiosity, when he had finished
about the fence.
"Ya-as," drawled Silas. "Ya-as, I've
been a gittin' married this mornin'."
married? You? Why, Silas, man
alive, what on earth have you gone and
done that for? You can't support yourself
as it is"
"Wull," said Silas, 81 ken pooty near sup
port myself, m I think its a durn pity if
she can't help some."-Boston Record.
EDUCATION IN A DAKOTA TOwN.-A
member of a Lawrence county (Dakota)
school board was speaking of the teacher
employed.
"That Teller amt givin' no satisfaction at
ALL" he said.
"Why, I thought he cam from the East
highly recommended"
"Oh, I s'pose he was, but he don't seem to
suit, jist the same"
"But he has a good education"
eyes, 1 guess he's got a straight flush on
education all right huff, but the troubles
right here. Naterly, you know, the big
boys have a little poker game at noon, and
Nv course have the teacher set in"
EYES,"
swell, Pm cussed eff they amt jist bout
cleaned him out NV his wages! Now what
kind of a zample do you call that, lettin'
boys down him that way"
pg- A man from Kentucky consulted one
of our physicians the other day for a bad
case of Indigestion, and the doctor advised
him to try the hot water cure handing him
at the same time a glass of that popular
remedy. Taking it in his hand, the patient
began to put on Il wry face and brace him.
self for the ordeal. "Is it very nasty ?" he
asked.
so no." said the medico; mot very, but
some people have tender throats-can't
stand anything strong. I'll dilute it a lit
tie if you like"
The Kentuckian's vanity was hit hard.
He turned in the steaming liquid without
fiinching, recovered his breath, and said,
with affected Indifference:
"Bah! 1 could take it cold"
lH>"Yes, that boy of mine is a smart lad,"
said a proud pa on an East-bound train,
pointing to his six-year-old-heir, 81 am
taking him down to Boston, where l think
he will find an opening, 1 believe there is
a big chance for him there"
"What makes you think so 2"
"Why, the other day l says to him, John
ny, who is the smartest man in the world"
1 thought he would say his papa was, but
he didn't. He replied: 4 am, and don't
you forget it, Now Pm taking him down
to Boston, where he'll have a chance to
grow up in the direction his talents indi-
cate. The boy was designed by nature to
be Joseph Cooks successor, and / don't
baliava in Hvinp in the face of Providpnca.H