davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22
Current Fun.

Jimmy Tuffboy keeps his eye open, and
knows what is going on fairly we'll. Rush
ing into the kitchen the other day, he
shouted: Il say, ma, hurry up and gimme
suthin' feat. I'm goin' to join the knights
of Idleness." "You needn't trouble YOUR
self about that. You are idle enough as
it is, and there's nothing in this house for
you to eat until supper-time." Cali right,
I shall boycott you-just as soon as you
SOW up this rip in my trousers" He was
put to bed until the necessary mending
was done.
John-An' what will you be dom, frind,
after having college? Jones-Well, John,
you know there are always plenty of open
ings for man of genius. John (who
doesn't see the connection Sure enough,
sor, but what will you be doin' sor?
+ 1t is rumored that one of our magazines
next year will publish an American novel,
the scene of which was not laid in Boston !;
but it is not safe to believe such wild rumOrs
until they are verified.
The fussy old gentleman looked at his
watch and remarked, angrily: I thought
this train always ran on tick, CONDUCTOR"
"Never, SIR" replied the conductor,
",never. Ticket, SIR.
NOuhIIy pd poIS are uOW u1SCuSSluS Iu0
situation in the Balkans" with breadth
and freedom of treatment worthy of a
colored circus poster.
Hello! Charley, what are you doing
now?" "You see we had fire down at
our store" 'You did," eyes, | was
fred
A beautitude is not very happy when
the bee attitude happens to light on your
hand, with the sting ready for business.
Take bushel of green tomatoes" be-
gins recipe. 1t ought to continue:
And throw them in the canal.
Joy never kills; and if it did there
wouldn't be any need for an editor to get
his life insured on that account.
Said a small boy: ma, make Bob be-
have himself. Every time 1 hit him with
the hammer he hOllers.
There is any amount of good reading
in the dictionary, but it is distributed in
a very tantalizing manner.
The man who wouldn't pay his tailor
was non-suited. That is, the tailor took
the cloths back.
The green grocer in London is one who
will sell vegetables. In this country it is
one who trusts.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22
MORSELS OF GASTRONOMY.
New YOak Mail.

Florida oranges have about departed
from market now, and the residue of the
crop is very poor.
Alleged lamb chops served at European
plan hotels attract most attention on &C
count of their extravaganza price.
Southern and forced strawberries be-
GENE more and more plentiful every
week, and ere long will cease to be a lux
ury.
The late Finelli, of Philadelphia, a
caterer of great celebrity, always fried
oysters in oil which he declared better
than butter.
April is not good month for game,
and there is little, not frozen, to be had.
Duck and snipe, and they of inferior
quality, about make the list.
An English magazine writer makes bold
to say that table manners are best
disclosed" by observing how one eats
asparagus, oranges, artichokes and
grapes.
The chief to the Duke of Bedford who
responds to the name of Suzanne, has
published book in which he describes
200 different ways of cooking and serving
eggs.
Governed by the letter IT, this Is the
last month for oysters until September.
1t goes quite without saying that the gen
erality of oyster epioures are well aware
of the fact.
Eight varieties of fish were served at a
Lenten dinner party the other evening in
town, and as many wines. The entrees,
although of fish, were thought by many to
have been meOt.
A writer in the London FortnightEy ridi-
cules table service at American hotels and
wants to know why we have everything
brought on the table at one time. He
should try the a la carte system,
Florida tomatoes received within the
past few days are very good and make a
delicious breakfast salad. No breakfast
in the fashionable district nowadays, or
rather at this season, is understood to be
complete without salad.
A new omelet is made of eggs, crack
ers, crumbs, bacon, parsley and lettuce,
and is called the Oriental by the Balti-
more restauranter who claims to have
created and introduced it. He might
have chosen more appropriate name,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22
HONEST OLD ABE.
How Ii ncOln Made Use of an Almanac.
Atlanta Constitution.

Anecdotes of Lincoln are innumeaable
but now and then a new one floats out on
the tide of gossip. An old citizen of
Washington gives me this one, which 1
never heard or read before: In his bow
hood Lincoln was befriended by family
IN humble circumstances, who generously
aided him in the effort to attain advance
ment in life. He afterward left his little
town to seek a wider sphere of action
with mental vow to repay the kindness
of these unseltsh friends. After many
years he returned to the scene of his early
struggle successful lawyer, with name
already known to fame. The community
was agitatated over a murder committed
In It's midst by one of its townsfolk, Lin
coin was requested to undertake the de-
Tense; the particulars were furnished him.
and by strange interposition of fate he
saw the very way to repay his early debt
for the accused was the son of his early
friend. There was little chance to refute
the evidence against the young man, for
two respected citizens swore to the rec
ognltlon of his face by the light of the
moon as they surprised him at the side of
his victim. Lincoln arose to open the
defense. He carelessly asked for an al
maniac, which he saw lying on the clerks
desk simply to gain time, while he sought
IN his mind for clew to the sVmpathies
Of the jury-a cold, hard set of men,
with convictions already formed. As he
abstractedly fattened the leaves of the
book his eye, even at this trying moment
lit up with something akin to that keen
sense of humor so characteristic of him,
and he began his speech. His words fell
like the rafting of artillery upon the as
tonished, spell-bound audience. and with
out leaving the box the jury returned a
verdict of mot guilty" He cleared the
prisoner and found the witnesses guilty
of perjury.
"But, gentlemen" said Lincoln, years
after in telling this story, II was careful
to keep that almanac in my hand the
while, and to carry it out of court with
was no other copy there"
"What had the almanac to do with it?"
questioned my friend.
SIT was year DID," said Lincoln, with
a twinkle of humor in his eye, land prov
ed conclusively that the moon did not
shine on the night of the date of the
the previous year. When the
truth leaked out, as of course it did, they
could not try the man over again, and
wisely concluded that silence is golden"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22
In a Hopeless Minority.
Philadelpoia North American.

Among Rev. Henry Ward Beecher's
many accomplishments not the least is his
ability as a story-teller. To much anus
ed listeners he recently told this one
about New York drummer. A typical
"knight of the grip sack" was detained at
small town in Western New York q
while ago where a revival meeting was in
progress. He had met party of convi-
vial friends during his stay there, and
had what is popularity known as "a load
on" Nevertheless, he drifted into the re-
vival meeting and took a seat well up in
front. 1t was rather close in the church,
and the warm air was conducive to sleep.
The drummer yielded to the drowsy god,
and after noddiug a little, sank into a
profound slumber, and slept through the
minister's rather long and dry discourse.
The audience sang hymn and the drum
mer slept on. Then the evangelist began
his address, and wound up his ferVid ap-
peal with this request:
"Will all of you who want to go to
heaven please rise"
Every one in the church except the
sleepy drummer arose. When the evan
gilist asked them to be seated, one of the
brothers in the same pew as the sleeping
drummer accidentally brushed against
him as he sat down. The drummer rub
bed his eyes, and, partially awake, heard
the last portion of the evangelist's request
which was:
'Now I want all of you who want to go
to hell to stand up"
The drummer struggled little, leaned
little forward unsteadily and rose from
his seat in dazed sort of way. sort
of suppressed laugh he heard from some
of the younger people, and an expression
of horror he noticed on the faces of
some of the older ones. Steadying him
self against the rail he looked at the evan
gelist an instant and then said:
"Well, parson, don't know just exact
ly what we're voting for but you and l
seem to be in hopeless minority"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22

ground floor just off from the hall, and
the son, with his wife, was given the guest
chamber up stairs. One evening, or more
correctly, one morning, the young wife
was awakened by her convivial spouse's
entering the room, and. being thorough
ly aroused, she observed that, while he
had removed his overcoat, his hat was
still on his head.
''Why, my DEAR" she expostulated.
'why didn't you take your hat off down
stairs?"
"'Cause, m love-" he explained, didn't
want t make any noise for fear of 'sturb-
ing mother"
"Oh, see," she observed quietly, as she
turned over in bed; Il suppose you were
afraid it would pop"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22
The Funny Side of 1t.

When the car drivers strike they do not
brake anything.
The editor of a morning paper knows
all about the nights of industry.
We shall hear still more of the strikes
now that the baseball season has again
opened.
"Great days for the laboring man,
says an exchange. Yes, but pretty poor
Knights.
Jay Gould is not abnormally sensitive,
and yet the railroad strike has seriously.
affected his system.
Manufacturers report that the knights
of Labor run as regularly as a clock-at
least they strike at all ours
And now it's the bar-keeper. The Phil
adelphia barkeepers have organized
union and propose to strike for q reduc
ton of hours.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22
PIN-MONEY POINTERS.
inexpensive Yet Dainty Dishes and Use
Hints tO HouSakp anprS

inexpensive Yet Dainty Dishes and Useful
Hints to Housekeepers.
Boiled potatoes should never be left in
water, or they Immediately become sog-
gy. -..-
little baking soda and hot water
should be used for cleaning all kitchen
utensils.
A broom whisp is the best thing with
which to test cake. If it comes out
clear the cake is baked.
Tomatoes stewed and poured over but
tered slices of toast bread will be found
very palatable. Season with pepper, salt
and sugar.
Rolls and biscuits that have become
oold may be made as if fresh by dipping
in hot water for few moments and then
putting in hot oven.
great deal of coal may be saved dur
ing the winter in the kitchen. When the
fire is not wanted for cooking it should
be covered with cinders or fresh coal and
all the draughts opened If it boiIs too
quickly then little fine ashes should be
sprinkled over the top.
Cold boiled rice may be utilized to
make hot cakes for breakfast. To every
two cups of rice add quarter of cup
of -four, one egg, a tablespoonful of sug-
ar and enough milk or water to make in
to a batter. Fry in hot drippings in
small round cakes and eat with maple
syrup.
A palatable yet simple dessert is made
oul out of apples-greenings are the
best Pare and core them and set in
pudding dish. Put half cup of water
on the bottom and fill the center of each
apple with cinnamon, brown sugar and
little molasses. Cook until tender; serve
cold or hot.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22

speaking of my brothers wife," he said.
your brothers wife has allowed me to be
insulted." Having received that reply Ran
dial could only wonder. This woman went
to church every Sunday and kept new tesla
ment, bound in excellent taste, on her toilet
table. The occasion suggested reflection on
the system which produces average Chris
tians at the present time. Nothing more was
said by Mrs. Presty. Mrs. Linley remained
absorbed in her own bitter thoughts. In ST.
lence they waited for the return Of the car
riage and the appearance of the goyerness.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22
WOman's Suffrage.
Harper's Magazine.

A Western correspondent sends the fol-
lowing:
Irecently listened to a debate in one of
the school lyceums of this city upon the
novel and momentus question of woman
suffrage.
The debater upon the 'antiwoman"
side was doubtless engaged in his first
effort, and this fact together with slight
impeachment of speech and a most origi-
nal series of arguments, combined to pro-
duce one of the funniest and most unan-
swerable speeches that had ever heard.
Here it is, almost in full:
Ladies' and gentleman, the first thing
to find out is w-w-what man was m-made
for. and what w-w-woman was made for.
God created Adam first, and put him in
the garden of Eden. T-then He made
Eve, and p-put her there too. If he hadn't
c-c-created Eve, there never would have
world. If He hadn't made Eve, she new
er would have picked it and g-given it to
Adam to eat. Paul in his epistles says
w-w-women should keep still. And be-
sides, ladies and gentlemen. women
couldn't fill the offices. / d-ddefy any
one to p-point out a woman in this city
or c-c-ounty that could be sheriff. Would
a women turn out in the dead of night to
track and arrest m-m-murderer! say
no! Ten to one she would elope with
him. And amid thunders of applause
and laughter the gallant defender of
mans rights triumphantly took his seat.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22
Lefu-Handed Comfort for Him.
Texas Siftipgs.

What is the matter with you, Gus!'
asked Judge Pennybunker of Gus de
Smith.
Il was engaged to be married TO Miss
Berdie McGinnis, and now she has gone
back on me-
Don't let that worry you. As pretty
girl as she is will soon find some other
fellow to marry.
A cagital substitute for maple syrup Is
made by boiling pound of good brown
sugar in pint of water. A quarter of a
pound of maple sugar and half pint of
boiling water will make nice syrup.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22
Why He Didn't Remove His Hat.
Buffalo Courier.

A former Buffalonian, with his wife,
not long ago visited his mother in this
city. His return to his former was sig
nal for his friends to make it as pleasant
for him as they could. and the conse-
quence was a succession of jolly evenings
and late hours. The mother, who was
something of an invalid, slept on the
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22

The printers of the calico-making mills
of Connecticut refuse to impart the Sc
crets of their trade to any but their own
sons.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22

The fair complexion of the captains youth
full days had been darkened by exposure to
hard weather and extreme climates. His
smooth face of twenty years since was scored
by the telltale marks of care; his dark beard
was beginning to present variety of color by
means of sreaks of gray, and his hair was in
course of undisguised retreat from his strong,
broad forehead. Not rising above the middle
height, the captains spare figure was well
preserved. 1t revealed power and activity,
severely tested perhaps at some former time,
but capable even yet Of endurance under trial.
Although he looked older than his age, he
was still personally speaking an attractive
man. In repose his eyes were by habit sad
and a little weary in their expression. They
only caught brighter light when he smiled.
AT such times, helped by this change and by
his simple, earnest manner, they recommend
ed him to his fellOw-creatureS before he open
ed his lips. Men and women taking shelter
with him, for instance, from the rain found
the temptation to talk with Capt. Bennydeck
irresistible; and, when the weather cleared,
they mostly carried away with them the
same favorable impression: "One would
like to meet with that gentleman again.
Randal's first words of welcome relieved
the captain of certain modest doubts of his
icCSpUlOu. dppCdlcO W ulLl
when he entered the room. II am glad to
find you remember me as kindly as / remem-
Der YOU" Those were his first words when
he and Randall shook hands.
You might have felt sure Of that" Ran
dial said.
The captains modesty still doubted. you
see, the circumstances were little against
me. We met at dull dinner, among weari-
some, worldly men, full of boastful talk
about themselves. 1t was all L did this, and
L said that-and the gentlemen who were
present had always been right: and the gen.
tlemen who were absent had always been
wrong. And, oh, dear, when they came to
politics, how they Dragged about what they
would have done if they had only been at
the head Of the government; and how cruelty
hard to please they were in the matter of
wine! Do you remember recommending me
to spend my next holiday in Scotland?"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-04-22
The Evil Genius.
ADOMESTtC STORY.
BY WILKIE COLLINS.

81 met one person who interested me-" he
said, with weary resignation.
Mrs. Presty smiled. "a woman, of course y
"a man." Randall answered; "a guest like
myself at club dinner"
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1886-01-27
Elsewhere.

NEW YORh. Jan. MISUNDERSTANDING. iuclud-
ing 53 car loads tor expectation, were 1910 bead
making l0,050 for the week market opened firm,
but sales dragged, and before the finish sellers
were anxious to make a clearance at easier prices
and the market closed heavy; poor 10 extra steers
sold at ~ 10G6 IS per 100 lbs. load OF fancy
steers al 81 q, and dry COWS and fat bulls at S'@
4. a few choice bulls going at 81 25d4 So an ex-
porter bought 20 car loads OF fat steers mainly at
IS 20d5 - per lC0 lbs.
Sheep-Receipts 1880 head, making $500 for
the week; market dull for all sorts below strictly
prime. and tho pens were not cleared; sheep
ranged from :, % TO 20 for common 10 prime,
with car loads OF exports sheep sold at 50 7j@6:
lambs sold al S596 -.
Hogs-Recepts, l4.0o0 head. making 1880 for
the week; market quiet and unchanged NJ s4d4 10
per 100 lbs.
BUFFALO, Jan. 25.-Catte-Receipts, 9s5 head.
Market dull. weak and lower steers of iron 100
to 500 lbs, = 1000 80; good shippers, a Dob;
light IL medium - 2OM4 GO; light butchers, 81 40
al: mixed butchers, So 15@3 40
Sheep--Receipts, 5000 head. Market dull and a
shade lower: common TO fair, 50 30sd4 20; good
to choice 81 3O@4 so: Western lambs, 81 25@4 70.
Hogs-Receipts. 1900 head: market opened
dull and ruled higher, closed weak good TO
choice Workers, s. 15@42 20; light mixed, sfe4 Is;
good mediums, 81 20yf 30; good heavy, 81 354i 50;
lair to good heavy ends 81 659f; coarse mixed
and common. <Ig3 30.
CHICAGO, Jan. 25.-The provers' Journal rer
sSas;sssstle-Keeeipts 400 head; shipments. 200
bead. Market weak and logI5c lower; shipping
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1886-01-27
COMM ERCIAL.

quiet tone prevailed in the dry goods market
yesterday. and some lines declined gale Wooden
goods are still strong at quotations. Prices in
staple groceries are stationary. and the volume
OF business only moderate. Owing to light re-
ceipts eggs have advanced lc per dozen. In
poultry and butter the supply j. equal to the de-
damd, and the market is trle iirmer. Drugs are
frmer, quinine having advanced. The iron mar
ket was slow.
GRAIN
Wheat-The condition of the local markets re-
main about the same. Good demand. firm prices
and mesSer oEering>. Futures quiet Markets
both al SeabOard and Western points are all
higher. New York and Baltimore &C. Chicago,
J. a. and 81 Louis &c frmer than saturday.
Corn--AI grades in good request at firm quo
tatOns. Receipts very liberal, but demand keeps
mp with the supply. Futures steady. sales on
call OF No. mixed AT $s5lc and before call at
80. Markets at other points range from ls9l4c
higher.
Oats-All grades held at firm prices. Receipts
light and choice grades scarce
The following table shows the amount of grain
in store ar this point.
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1886-01-27
BREACH OF PROMISE.
An Interesting Case Now Being Tried ut
keokuk, Iowa.

KEoEUK, Iowa Jan. lg.-The trial of the
HaTrison-Reiner breach of promise case
which was commenced IN the superior
Cont Saturday, that day having been spent
In selecting a Jury, was resumed to-day.
Great interest is manifested in the case, and
the court room viii not hold the crowd anx-
iO1s 20 be present a. the hearing. The
greater portion OF to-day was occupied in the
examination OF the plaintiff Miss Maggie
Harrison, and reading letters from the de-
fendant. Miss Harrison i 2 young lady of
progressing appearance, stylish in dress, of
modest and retiring disposition, and made
az sxcellentimpression upon the stand. Her
testimony dealt with the courtship and its
ending, after the usual lovers quarrels,
IN a proposal OF marriage, which was
tie wedding being set for Wednes-
day, November -. Announcement of it had
been made IN the papers and the invitations
Issued, when the defendent visited her and
acted strangely. They sat on the sofa to-
gether, and he mentioned letters that he had
received, bat declined 10 show her. bat said
they We're anonymous and that they related
TO them. After further conversation he left
her, saying It would be all right. He called
the following sunday and said that the mar
rage could not take place, and wanted to
know e the matter couldn't be fixed up with
out-a fuss, and plaintiff told him no. At this
point q letter was introduced in evidence
dated Carthage, H., Saturday, November n,
1885, II which defendant says he is sick over
his difficulty: his blood almost freezes in
his veins that he was in great trouble
and not TT TO live: that il was i'm
possible for them 70 marry under existing cir
cCmstanees; says he viii make restitution
for The big trouble and expenses incurred by
her; for her to keep al the presents; that he
had written his relatives announcing the
wedding had been postponed, and advising
her 70 do likewise; and saying nc would call
an Sunday and explain. During Iiis cross
examination II the afternoon Miss Harrison
stated she was twenty-eight years OF age, and
had come 70 KeOkuk when but six mouths
ed, The defendant was placed on the stand
later IN the day, and said that when the
proposal o. marriage was made
It was in good faith, and it
was hi. intention to carry out
the contract, bur after the contemplated
marriage had been announced and invita-
tiors extended friends had come TO him
with advice 70 break it off and rendered him
information WHICH he found 70 be true, and
Il revealed to him that the defendant had
JSlssrepresecte6 as 70 her age and deceived
him concerning her name, family relations
and secrets; that one brother was in the
penitentiary, another living in open adultery
with q woman be had seduced, and that to
marry her would BRING him TO shame and
disgrace. ReineE, the defendant in the suit,
is a well-knOwB travelling salesman, ana
many OF the fraternity were present 10 day
AMI greatly enjoyed the evidence and read
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