davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-04-23
HUMOROUS.
strains Clear honey
Courier Journal.

Sweet strains Clear honey.
Bookkeeping taught in one lesson:
Don't lend them.
When a man falls down histemper gem
orally gets up before he does.
The tramp, like the mariner, is often
looking for hospitable cove.
A fly is said to have t6, 600 eyes. No
wonder he is careless where he leaves his
specs.
A man seeing the sign Glands off"
innoccntly asked if they had gone on
picnic.
Life is short-only four letters in it
Three quarters of it is "lic" and half
of it is an eff"
The man who wouldn't pay his tailor
was non suited. That is the tailor took
the clothes back.
Wife, "Crucl man, my tears have no
effect on you at all. Husband: "WelI,
drop them, dear"
Shakespeare somewhere uses the term
ga mad wag.' lie probably referred to
the tail Of a mad dog.
He-''What is your favorite flower"
She-"Well -don't-know-I-
think prefer-orange blossoms"
1t is said that King Thcbaw's sword,
which has just been brought to London,
is beautifully chased. The same thing
happened to Thebaw himself if we have
read history correctly.
A sentimental poet says that kiss is
''the meeting Of two souls" This pretty
metaphor is badly shattered when third
sole, on the foot Of the girls father. puts
in sudden appearance.
A gentleman rode up to a public house
in the country and asked: "lYho is the
master of this house," 81 am, SIR re
piled the landlord, "my wife has been
dead about three weeks"
Six young women have recently been
graduated from the Pennsylvania College
Of Dental Surgery and it is remarked
that they will probably be able to sue
cessfully pull through life.
Capt. Dewitt Wallace, of LAFAYETTE
Ind, is the author of a novel called
Loves Ladder" 1t evidently does not
refer to Love at first sight, for that us,
ually begins with a pair Of stares.
Engaged Young Man: Yes, indeed
my Alice certainly little dear. Married
Man Well if she's little dear now, YOU
can rest assured she'll be edearer when sho
gets good chance at your pocketbook.
A correspondent writes to a country
editor: 81 send you little poem called
The lay Of the lark If accepted let
ne know" And the editor replies:
Rejected, with thanks. If you will
end few specimens of the lay of the
zen, we will accept"
Emma goes to school, but dislikes it
cry much. A lady friend of the family
uestioned her on the subject: Emma,
What do you do in school? "Do you
earn to readl" Emma shakes her head.
DO you learn to write?" Another shake,
Then what do you do?" 81 wait for it
o be out"
Lives of sweet girls all remind us,
AS we float down Lfe's stream,
That the boys who come behind us
WIZ have to pay for lots of cream.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-04-23

RECENT statistics complied by the Reg
...-.r-G,ncatl Of England show great diff
f.-cpec, in the mortality rate among the
different trades and professions. Clergy
men are apparently the longest lived
r nm who have to earn a living. Then
come farmers and stock raiscrs, school
t.acher. and groccrs in the order named.
Among the calliugs that exhibit high
rste Of mortality arc physicians and sur
ccons brewers, baker, and confectioners,
Numbers. painter, ard GLACIERS. Labor
rs and the poorest class of unskilled
vorker, show the highest rate of all, and
and in this class the miners lead, proving
tbat of all vocations that Of the coal iron
or tin miner is the most destructive to
life and injurious to health.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-04-23
PrecOcious Prattlers.

The "Children's Chitchat" in the Ne,o
Moon contains some amusing sayings by
the little ones. A faw samples are given:
Gwen, my young gentleman, and how
would you like your hair cutgo "Oh.
like papas pleasc-with a little round
hole at the top"
Grandpa: "Tcll me, Ethel, why do
you nave six buttons on your glovesan
Ethel; "Yes, grandpa, dear, will tell
you. The reason is If had seven lut-
tons. 0--fye, akould not match the
SIX buttQnholes.
lie waSa persistent little boy who told
us mother,Nwho thought he was too Young
to wear trousers, that 'he would be Will
ing TO go without pockets if he only could
wear something that had legs
A small boy, the son of gifted clergy
man In this state, was heard one niobt
addressing the following petition to his
Maker; 20 God, please bless mamma.
and pl ase bless papa; but the less you
nave to do with Aunt Marie the better
Amen"
Mamma, what does it mean when it
says The shades of night were falling
last y "You should try and figure out
those things for yourself, johnny" /
know now. 1t means when sister Jane
pulls down the parlor blinds, then Gus
Smith comes in to spend the evenings.
ehl'
Mrs Jones-'Did you take johnny to
school, Jeremiah?' Mr.. Joncs-'I did.
An excellent school it is, Matilda. The
scholars are models of department; the
curriculum is first-class, and the professor
man OF ability. At least, that is the
way he struck me-" Johany with n
ought to have STAYED
about an hour, and seen how he struck
mn
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-04-23

Tramps are oveTunning Florida to
ouch an extent that the county commits
sioners have decided to anchor great
lighters in the st. Johns river and cor
raj the tramps there for ninety DAYS each
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-04-23

Pal1s,- ,ooa broth brother has on his Georgia
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-04-23
AYERS PILLS.
.. A Sufferer from Headache writes :.

These PILLS are compounded NJ vooo..,.,.
substances only and are absoluteIy 80 ,''olo s
ealomel or any other injurious ng3eio,t dee - 0'i
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22

worth remembering. Mean
time there is trade enough
to justify its publication in
spite Of the weather.
There are things to be
said that don't depend on
weather. But saying must
not 60 ahead OF doing. If 1t
does. it goes tor nothing.
Roses, lilacs and other
flowers and ostrich tips and
rompons birds, aigrettes and
Undesirable combinations
of things that nobody thinks
OF beforehand, ribbons OF
course: for the hair and dress
in nameless ways to brighten
the wearerS.
Millinery, east of the Arcade steps.
Sashes again; and the rib
bon fabrics are MORE, faille
and satin-and-taille. De
signs, OF course, without
number and not to be told
OF.
East of the Arcade steps.
A soiled-clothes bag for
the nursery: brown-linen ia
pestry canvas, natural fringe
at the bottom and flap; a
miniature Japanese spread
umbrella tied with ribbon
on corner over the flap; in
the center two little nursery
people in mischief; dado, OF
panel below, OF four more
Kate Greenaway toddlers
arranging these letters IL
NJ - Sci IF. The bag
is hung on a nickeled ban
ner-rod with a ribbon. Our
of the little japanese umbrel
la sticks a paper ticket; and
on it 81
Have We spoiled a pretty
bit of art by trying to put il
in print? Very well, Their,
are thousands Of other biIt
coming and going all thu
year. If we hang one VI
in the papers now and ther
it is only to tell OF the thou
sands not hung up in tn,
papers. Ours to give yo,
hints; yours to make use G
them.
A new turn in clear.stui
-punto tirado congress
cloth, silk bolting-cl cloth ct
for tides, doilies etc
darning-st tch work wit
actual standings OF fruit
flowers and tolia &c, outline,
With gold.
The shortest word to te
of frequent novelties
. Madame Me;tens is there.
! West of the center.
| In the cottage" bedroom
is an ash bedstead, burea
, and wash stand prettil
, touched with carving anc
! what is of moIe accoun
; well made and put together
, The most remarkable thin,
about them is the ticket lear
= ing against the foot OF tn
, bedstead 1t reads: Bed
. stead, bureau and wash
sand, S25.
a Many get a wrong in
pression-We do keep in
. expensive furniture. Cost
5 furniture is SO pretty to loo
= at, takes so much room, S
. great a variety OF it'll
> not,costIy isn't SO variou
! can't be-no wonder you &c
the wong impression. Can
help the looks. But W
: mean TO serve the buyer {
3 inexpensive things as we'll a
I. anybody.
: @ ~ ball front, second and third foo,
Take car.
We have ten to thirt
men at the muslin counte
: (too heavy work for womer
whole pieces of sheeting
{ In pleasant weather til
: thirty stand elbow to elbo,
with all they can do. z
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22


CHRISTIASA, Jan. 2Ist, lS8i.-About
Que week ago We had IN your coiumus
su apple sermon. happened in nv
reading TO see sermon preached some
time In the early part Of the eighteenth
century by Mr. Odd, OF Dedham, in
EuRlsud, 10 some students of Oxford.
who met him on the road to London.
and insisted on him preaching 10 them
there in an old hollow tree from the
werd "Ms.t." Having demonstrated
while to 10 purprse, he got into the
hollow tree and said Beloved. let
me crave your attention; for am q
little msni come ~ a shor. warning to
preach brief sermon, upon a suna all
subject, to thin congregation IN an
unworthy pulLi.. Ana now, my be-
loved, my tex is NJ ALT, which |
cannot divide into sentences, nor into
words; therefore l must, ~ necessity
euforces ne, divide it into r. ters
which | fGd IN my text 70 b. here f,,ur
only, NJ a l. T. NJ, my beloved. il
Moral A Is Ai'eEoTica. l. 8 Literal.
ann T is Theological.
The Moral ia SET forth to teach Won
Idruukarts good manners therefore. II
my masters A, ali of you; J., listen /:
I, TO my text, The A gorical is when
ono thing Is spoken, and arother is
meant nov the thing spoken offs Malt,
but the thing meant Ii strong beer.
wherein you drunkards make NJ Meat.
A Apparel, l. l. berty, I Treasure The
literal Ia according 20 tho letter; III
Much, A Als. l. Little, T Thrifi-Much
ale, !title thrift The Theological IL &C
cordipg to tho effects when IL works,
which, | find IN my tex tn b. Of Two
kinds: lst-IU this word 2j-The
| world 60 come IL this world the ELECTS
Of some, NJ Murder in 0ihe -, A Atul.
terry in s6He, l. LDDseusss Gf Life in
hers, ! Tr-s son. 2f-In the wor!d To
lcoms In sonr. NJ Misery; IN ot1ers,
t Torment. Wherefore, my first uss
shall be exhCrtation. NJ y, 2ater-, A All
of you, l. leave, I Tripping, or RI 81, 2t-
BY way CT corr muuicatipu, / suy NV
master, A ali OF you, L look f.r, I
torment
So much for his tine and text. Only
by way of caution, take this: A drunk
ard IL AN Annoyance OF mOdesty, The
trouble OF ciViiity, the epoil OF wealth,
The destruction - THPsnu, the bro q er \
agent, the ale-w ifc's bsneiactor. The
beRgars cempaEion, lhe eOustable'n
| trounle, MS wifv'5 woe, his Chiiaret,'s
SORROW, HIS n.iehbor-' SCOT, his own
shame, a walking swill tub, the picture
iof beast, and mOnspr Of q man
Say well and DO we'll; end both with a
letter. Say well is good, bat do we'll IL
better.
l have put these words just as taken
from the old Method ist magazine. II
you should be ilcI;ned 10 give u 10
your readers, l fear the mechanical
execution OF printing will not be an
easy job, yet | thought because of Its
novelty, and AZ this time Of temperan CO
senthusiasn, 1T might possibly be Of
interest to ell. do hope the nun Dor
Of pledge bjPhers will soon reach and
exceed one thousand. Eight hundred
or more, believe, have been induced
/ 20 sign through the efforts of Maybe
and English. Yours truly, J.D.
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22

From the force of habitau auctioDeer
one day put Iis thumb uuaer the ham
mer. IL was soon healed by rubbing
with St. Jacoh.s OIL.
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22

slender profit enough by do
ing a great deal of work.

slender profit enough by do
ing a great deal of work.
Northeast from the osnssr.
In the middle aisle OF our
great big basement there
have been for q week or two
tablefuls OF housekeeping
things to be sold for half OF
quarter or three-quarters,
whatever would take them
quickly off-The tables kept
tull by putting on more as
fast as room was made by
sales.
Today and tomorrow ends
it. Today whatever has
been there long enough to
show that it isn't cheap
enough will be marked
again: brackets, towel-racks,
hanging baskets and pots OF
flowers, tin stuff, lamp stuff,
carpet chairs and baby
chairs. -
Nothing there is best Of
its kind, or it wouldn't be
there. It's the price that
carries everything off.
Tomorrow perhaps we'll
take a run through the half
acre Of housekeeping things
and tell a thousandth part
Of what we find there.
john WANAMAKER.
CHESTNUT Thi1eeath and Market
streets and Olty-hsll square.
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22

GHEklfF'S SALE-BY VIRIUE OF A
~ writ OF Levari Fscias, TO me di.
rooted, will he exposed to public sale, at the
Hotel now occupied by Alexander Maxwell,
in MiddletoWn, in st. Georges Hundred,
New Castle County, delaware, on
MONDAY, The 18th DAY OF JAHU-
Any 1880
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22

PHnADxLRmA Friday, Jsn. - 1854
After the deluge you can
gather up the news II it's
worth remembering. Mean
time there is trade enough
to justify its publication in
spite Of the weather.
There are things to be
said that don't depend on
weather. But saying must
not 60 ahead OF doing. If 1t
does. it goes tor nothing.
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22

WITHOUT any agitation, proseout ton
or persecution, the bottom hiss fallen
out OF the policy shops of our city.
Some OF the policy writers have lost all
they were worth, and some Of them it
Is we'll known had amassed consider
able wealth. II this is q true state
ment, there will be very little sympa.
thy for the writer's, and the victims
thonld be relieved from terrible temp
iation that was keeping them poor, and
bore them on to irresistible ruin.
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22

A. M. MALoEEY was one OF the ex.
peiled mem bers o, tho Ohio Legislature
from Cincinnati. His confessi on m ust
indeed be refreshing as cheerful read.
ing for the Democracy. lie says
Now that tho 6ght is over, will say
that l was not elected, nor were any OF
the Democratic candidates in Hamilton
County This honest con fessiou must
have afforded great relief to Mr. Ma
loney's conscience, but it IN terribly
hard on the Democracy. He might,
however, as consistently added, that be
was willing to serve on In the off 20 to
which he WAS not elected, had he MOI
been booted out by the Repu oli can
maj ority.
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22

THOUGH editor Stead, OF the "PAll
Mall Gazette, may have technically
violated the Law in making the sxpo-
surss OF infamy and lswduess Of the
aiistocracy and many of the nobility OF
London, there are twenty-seven thou
sand women In London who do not
think he has committed any crime
against morality anyhow. These wo.
men have united in a penny subscrip-
tion to make up q purse for him show
ing their appreciation Of the services
he has rendered to society and morali-
~. HIS stirring up OF the human ami
mails In the sugean stables has done
good to society in London.
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22

Mr.. Morrison is said to have read '
for presentation to the Ways and
Means Committee next week, q tariff
bill reducing the duties on q mum Der
OF articles and transferring to the free
list. That is right Mr.. Morrison, no W
that business is Just beginning to i'm
prove II tle. Pitch in, tighten down
the thumb screws Of free trade, and
bring general distrust and hesitation
amongst business men.
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22

SHERIKF'S SALE-BY VIRTUE OF A
~ writ OF Ais. Levatt FaciAs, 10 me direc
ted, viii DO exposed 10 public sale, at the
court House, on Market street, between
Tenth and eleventh stree =, in the city Of
Wilmington, New Castle county, Delaware,
ON SATURDAY, JANUARY 3VrH, 1885,
at 2 o'clock, p. m,
The following described real estate. viz
All those Two lots or parcels OF land situate
IN BrandyWine Humid ell, New Castle county
and state of Delaware, bounded and descr.b,
cd rs follows, to wit:
No. /. With a brick dwelling house, 8 able
and other improvements thereon erected
Beginning at the junction Of the southeaster-
ly side 4 the PhiIAdellhiA aud WilminEto
turnpike read, with the southwesterly side OF
the lane leading from faid road to the dwell
Ing Of John Todd, thence along said side Of
said road southwcsterly l8l feet inches, more
OF less, 10 a stake, theoce &C iheasterIy par.
allsl with said lane $50 fest inches more or
| lees. TO stake. thence nOrtheastsily parallel
| with said turnpike road 1871 feet inches more
| or LEES, TO the raid side tf sid hne. and
thence thereby northWestsrly 5S6 feet I
Inches more or less, 70 the place Of begin.
! ming.
No. .. BEGINNING at a stake on the south.
caster side Of the faid Philadelphia and
Wilmington turnpike road at the distance O
bh5 feet inches, more or Lose, from the sou h.
westerly side Of the said lane leading from
said road TO the dwelling Of John Todd
thence southeastefiy parallel with said lane
eso feet inches. more or less. TO q stake
| tn ence souihwesterly parallel with said
turnpike road 49T feet more or less TO y
stake, thence northwesterly 500 feet 81
Inches moe or less 70 the said side of said
turnpike road, and thence thereby nertheas
terly 1872 feet more or loss, TO the place Of be.
| ginning Book II. Vol. ~, page sos, &C,
seized and taken In execution as the prop.
ersy OF Patrick Tsggart and Catharine Tag
gart, his wife, and to be sold by
THOMAS FORD. Sheriff
Sho.ii's Office, Wilmington, Del. Jan. IL, $50
lAnlA .hI.
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22
Ut UIVCH, p. ID.
the folIoWiu0 descrthed raaI ant. D. ut,


All the following mentioned and described
tract Of land situate in Appoquinimink
Hundred, New CASTLE County and State OF
TO wit beginning at a point in the public
road known as the River Road leading from
Odessa TO Port Penn, and at or near where
the bridge crosses the said road and running
thence with sal road south 40 "a degrees
west 2O5 peiches TO stake In the sforesaid
road. thence by othor lands OF the said
Joshua Is. Fennimore north 80 IL degrees
west 81 per hes and o.l0 Of q perch TO a stake
at the head OF ditch, thence with the centre
OF said ditch The following courses and dis
tances North Il degrees east ~ perches
and I-lO ofa perch, thence north 4 ~ de-
grees west n perches and $40 OF a perch.
thence north 10 Ia degrees rast and IL per.
ohes and 10 Of perch. thence north q
perchee, theme north 81 . degrees east IL
peiches and 0.l0 Of q porch. thence north "a
degrees west ~ perches and D 10 Of perch
70 low water mark 10 Appoqui mink creek
thence down ssid creek aad binding there.
WIN the several courses and distances there.
OF d57 perehes as measured ON the return
DenK to the afore aid pablo road and place
OF beginning, containing 14l acres and 40
Psrchos OF land. hook o, Vol 8, page 324.
WIN Two and half story frame dwelling
mouse, larse frame barn, frame ctrriaQe
mouse, frame wagon house and other oJt-
buildings and Improvements. Also, one
tWo-story frame tenement house
seized and taken in execution M the
property ofJOshua Is. Ftnimoro and John
III. Jobepns, and t. e.. and to be sold BY
THOMAS FORD sheriff
A. ID. 1885 ian24st
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22

x4& y
md
n IA IL
: ( ''s
H Il IN
'exk. 4
!.
! fs< Z.
-M';H @,sl6
\ Delawsr. MI
f1e aMamns
4
VI sss.a f.sw,a,
e
Is
& <4ii.xton
A. -, -.
$500
1of
IL !
m
II
TIKI
xn-.
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22
SCOTS Emuisi0n of Pure Goa Liver
OH, Win HypOpnOppbftps,

Is excellent in lurR troubles. DR. Euoch
Galloway, LaGraUge, Ga, says: "I
have used Scott's Emulsion with won.
derful success in Lung troubles, also
find 1t has no equal in Summer Diar.
rhoea of children"
Daily Republican., 1886-01-22
Profit for EVERYBODY.

farker's Tonic kept in home is a eentineI
Keeps the blood pure, and the stomach. liver
and kidneys In working ordor. Coughs and
colds Vanish before 1t. 1t builds up the,
sell largo quantities Of Parker's Tonic
In my drug store. Among nv cns,o,nara
doctor, who has been prescribing IL for the
past Two years. He WAS nearly dead him
self, ana tried every remedy known to his
pr0lel sion, with out any relief After he had
used four bottles OF farker's Tonic he began
to grow In fiesh, and the improyem an, IN bis
health was absolutely wonderful. He nov
recon a ends 1t to every one ~, Z, barrow
ualu met avenue pharmacy, ll3Twenty. ninth
street. Chicago, Ill.
PARKER'S TONIC
Prepared by Aiscox & Co., N.Y.
sold ~ druggists In large BOTTLES ct o..
New-York tribune., 1886-02-21
SUNDAY EDITION.
FEB. q, 1885.

toilet and affects English ways including the single eye
glass To sec him stand in front OF the fireplace at
popular reception. MS feet apart and his hands behind
his bsck surrounded by bevy OF smiling girls
who are paying their court to him. sight for gods
and men 10 contemplate. IL Ia with difficulty. some.
times. that the latter preserve their equanmity.
Ihe brazilian Minister Is a comparatively new arrival
He is baron de Itajuba. am unable to tell what i'm.
preston he has left upon those who have made his
quantance, except that he is reputed 20 be good lis
tener and to be the model OF courtesy A criticism
which he made upon the turnout or one OF his col
leagues shows however that he has already acquired
something Of the breezy and emphatic way In which
Americans wont sometimes TO formulate their opn.
ions. Said the baron "My fricnde. you ask what
think about your 'orse and carridge will tell you.
Your carrdgc goode and your orse goole. too;
but as for harness. not feet 70 poOt eow
The representative Or the Sultan. HIssein Tewnk
Pacba Is rarely In Washington He prefers the life
OF NewYOrk with all it, diver fsons tothe dull and forced
gaiey OF the capital him. however, az the last
White House reception. where his fez attracted unl.
versa attention He is quietooking little man With
stranqul Almost seraphc expression OF countensnee,
gyng one the iea that he engaged In the steaitny
contemplation OF the beltIhc vision. Ladies crowded
around him that night but he seemed TO excite
the envy OF other men, he remained unmoyed. Happy
New-York tribune., 1886-02-21

to accept the Presidency of the Local Government
Board, q much inferior position. The various eX-
plantations of this need not be dwelt on lie felt
himself out of place at the Admiralty aud he VIII
have in his present post the handling of Sundry mu-
nIcpal and administrative questions in which he
has a deep interest. II might have been expected
thar a 3adiGai who had converted Mr.. Gladstone
to "a new agraran measure would have been
but for the moment Mr. Chamberlain is
content to play q secondary part, Mr.
MunGella ms kes his first appearance as a Cabinet
Minister IN the Presidency of the Board OF Trade.
His promotion has been fairly earned by arduous
AID efficient service in subordinate office. AS
VIccp President of the Council in the late O jvern
meat, he practically Minister of Education, and
an able one Mr. CsInpbell-Bannerman as Sccre-
tary of War is one of the surprises. He has passed
for good secOnd-rate man. AS Chief Secretary
for Ireland In succession to Mr.. Trcvcyan DIVA
lided hOme) he showed himself match for his Par
nclllte prosecutors IN the House of Commons. HIS
easy, imperturbable gOod-naiure and indifference TO
abuse baltied them. He knows the War ONCE
well. having been twice Financial Secretary there.
The Colonies go to Earl Granville, promoted down
from the Foreign Office TO the office whence he rose.
1t was thought he would prefer sineCnre ike the
Lord Prvy Seal which perhaps is to be abolished.
His teuure of the Colonial SecretaryShip goes back
TO the DAYS when Liberals looked askance at
Oceana, and whcu Oceana thought itself likely to
be abandoned. Bat he may well enough fall III now
With the opposite current, and his bandneSS OF
temper ought To be an invaluable aid TO his expert
ence 10 governing people so sensitive rs Australians
and Canadians. The Earl OF Kimberley Is again
for some reason Is ha dly in proportion
FIRST Lord of the Admiralty is another
surprise. He is without experience of naval affairs
and has to go to scnoo at sixty. But he who mas
been Nlceroy of India ought to be equai to any bur
den Mr. Gadstonc's advisers If you ask them
about any of these anomalies have an answer
ready. They will tell you that Mr.. Gladstone Is
the Cabinet. g.. w. s..