The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1886-05-07
WIT AND HUMon.

dencc the other evening arc unnecessary.
The reason was parent.
IL see that Miss Cleveland objects to
smoking in the White House. said Mrs.
Fanglc. swell, what is there to pre-
vent her taking Il walk in the back
yard when she wants to enjoy cgarv
returned Mr.. Fangle. P,tts5arg
| Chronicle.
An extraordinary accident occurred in
Yonkers last week. A young gentle
man, just in fun, pointed and snapped
an unloaded revolver at his financee
and the weapon did not go Off This is
the first time this has occurred since the
War.-Nea0 York Star.
Lady visitor-'.I suppose Mr.. Swipe
you VIII soon 90 abroad to study the old
masters Mr.. Swipe-"Well, really,
| am afraid that in the study of the old
masters | should forget my own individ-
uality, and come TO paint like one of
them. '-Ha1pef'S Bazar
At the Fanciers' show: Have You
seen Fitzimpkins' dawg?n Nav. Has
Fitzimplins got dawg?" Yaas. A
big hairy dawg.n what does he want
with II dawg?" ''Why, what does any
fellow want with u dawg?" Tine
suah don't knaw. Do youpn ''Naw."
The question is tabled-Ne,0 York Torn
Topics.
HALF of this bottle of wine is gone
1t seems to me that you should be able
to stand the temptation" said Judge
Pennybunkcr to his colorcd servant.
dat ar am easier said den done boss. I"
'At any rate you should come out like q
man and say that you stole the wine"
'Dat ar am easier done den said, boss. !"
-Icras Sitin1S.
We learn that the cooks, pastry, and
table girls in one Of our leading hos
telrics are preparing to give Il concert
at IN early day, the proceeds to be
applied to the purchase of fire escapes
for the hotel. The boarders of the
house will not attend, as they have
heard the rohearsals Ill winter from the
dining-room.-BdnGOr (lie.) CONNER
Ct0l.
The story of the meanest man in the
world comes from the West. 1t seems
Il manufacturer in iron hung himself
oneelay in the workroom. Several of
the hands left their work and spent
several hours in resuscitating him.
What was their surprise next day to
find that their misery employer had
docked them for the time used in saving
his ife!-RdnbIer.
Smith-'Funny idea of having
pockets in night shirts" Jones-''I
don't know about that. A pocket in Il
nightshirt might be handy at times"
Sin what wayp' dwell, you
see, if you kept little change in the
pocket, and dreamed that you went in
to baroom to get a drink, you would
have the money to pay for il" S.
(musingly)-''That's so. "-Boston Cou-
rier
An Arizona paper of recent date has
the following paragraph: 'f our paper
week we beg our readers to overlook the
fact. Some durn fool came in Monday,
while we were over to AL Blodgett's,
and spilled all our mucilage. Now we
can do without the mucilage if it is to
hold its place in the community. We
have right smart bunch of brains, but
we don't pretend to cover four sides of
a paper ut once. p. S.-We have bought
new bottle of mucilage, and warn the
ornery cuss who spilled the last bottle
that he will have to pay for it or get q
licking"
DR.. Pighead visits Mr.. Goldman, the
great pork manufacturer, "Well, my
dear sir, don't sec that there's any
thing radically wrong with You. Go to
bed early, don't drink anything stronger
than coffee, and you'll be all right in q
week" "What, you are not going to
give me any medicinep" Certainly not,
You dom need it." ''But you get your
$25 just the same" ''Yes. Just So"
swell l don't think it's IL square deal
S'posin' you bleed me, put mustard
plaster on the back of my neck, and
gimme dose of salts. Everybody that
works for me has got to earn his salary!"
1t was in an Episcopal theological
seminary not thousand miles from
New York, and the Professor had been
explaining how the early church assign.
ed different ecclesiastical colors to the
different orders in the ministry, but fail.
ed to say anything about the color for
deacons. This was more than newly
ordained deacon in the class could stand,
and he broke in thus: Professor you
have not told us what is the proper
color for q deacon" Quick as flash
the Professor answered, looking ut the
young man. 30, believe tho proper
color for deacon is green. ''-New
York Tribune.
There is q debating society at the
Harvard Annex where grave questions
of sociology and ethics are discussed by
the young women. The historian heard
two of them talking very earnestly the
other day about their next meeting, and
he asked one of them: "What subject
do you debate next timep" 1--WE are
thinking of discussing the secularization
of Sunday" she replied. "Ah! And
are you against itp" mo, indeed! Or,
wait-yes l am, too. o, always for
get which way it meansP" If you had
heard that dreadfully -mixed-up reply OF
the young sociologist, while her cheeks
grew as red as fire, you would of thought
it delicious. Record.
The Florida Medical and Surgical
Journal relates that when DIR. BoWlin.