Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-09-01
NEWSPAPEE WIT.

success. = Pittsburg Chronic7e-Tele-
graph.
OLD lady las her basket comes IN
contact with g. Pedestrian "Mein Colt
in Himmeel, is that your" Pedestrian
-"No, madam, it is only a man. =
Life.
Roscoe CoNKLING is said to wear a
nightcap in bed.-Hartford Times.
You certainly wouldn't have him wear
it in the street, would you?-Bufalo
| Courier.
The News has ordered q Hoe press.
It was proper that it should. A paper
that is edited with g. shovel ought to
| be printed on q Hoe press.-Denver
| Tribune.
"MAMMA," exclaimed 3byear-old
| Walter, earnestly, as he came running
in at the back door, "now | know
what the sky is; it's the roof to all
| over" -Babyhood.
Boston GIRL lat summer resort)-
Do you drink much iced aqua during
the summer, Mr.. Breezy Mr.. Breezy
| from the West)-No, I don't touch
any OF the fancy drinks. find plain
ice water agrees with me best.
ONE of the latest of Irish bulls is the
| following from an editorial in one OF
the leading papers of the Nationalist
party the other day: $50 long as Ire
land was silent under her wrongs, En-
land was deaf to her cries. "-Boston
Journal.
THE hired girl being absent, the lady
answered the back door bell. She was
accosted by an embarrassed looking
man, thus: "Excuse me, madame, but
I've come for your remains" 1t was
the swill merchant. This happened
in Boston.
A CANADIAN man says that he will
| Jump with any man in America for
| $500 If he is acquainted with the
Americans who have jumped into
Canada, he ought to know that they
never Jump for any such paltry sum as
$5OO.-Boston Post.
"WERE you at the sociable last
night ?" eyes, and I spent g. very
pleasant evening" 81 heard Miss
* was to sing there. | suppose
you enjoyed that 2" "Ever so much.
She had g. sore throat and couldn't
sing."- Philadeiphia Call.
WHAT you want, sir, running his
fingers through his customers few re-
naming hairs), is s, bottle of my hair
resto- Customer (virulently J
What / want, sir, is q divorce. The
conversation taking this portentous
turn, our barber drops it.-London
Punch.
A LADY called on Mrs. Gladstone
during the late Parliamentary cleo
} ton, and, greeting her, said: "These
are troubled times, Mrs. Glads tone
but there is One above who will see
, through it ALL" eyes," said the prime
minister's wife, stake q seat, he will
be down presently"
A WEALTHY woman of Chicago owns
I a valuable collection of water co.or
sketches. Two other little nieces we're
examining these pictures one day snd
handling them rather carelessly. Tleir
aunt coming into the room said With
some displeasure: children be carful
of the water works"
DRUGGIsT-Well, my little man, what
can I do for you? Boy-I want @
cents worth of cochineal and cents
worth of hayseed. Drugeist-Wha'
do you want cochineal and hayseet
for? Boy-Me mudder is maxim SOM
, strawberry ice cream for the church
picnic.-New York Times.
ssMATTIEl Mattie!' called out al
Omaha dame to her daughter, 81 d.
; wish you would play something els
!, besides Wagner. | am SO sick OF it.
"I am not at the piano. ma," re
sponded the daughter from an adjoin
( ing room" "Then who is?" "Nurs
and the baby" -Onaaha World.
THAT abrupt, explosive, discourte
f Gus monosyllable Thanks" got
Roland for It's Oliver the other day
Q Madame dropped her card case i
fremont Street, and a brisk littl
newsboy picked it up for hel
q s"Thanks," said she. "Welks," sal
! he, and bolted.-Boston Beacon.
? You know, when we were boys AM
: girls, there used to be spiritual med
ums? Well, there are none now. The
are all "psychometrists and clairvoy
ant delineators. But they still us
the same fearful and wonderful gram
mar and spell separate with two p
i and three e's as of yore.-BurGette.
. EVEN the horse-jockeys in Bosto
= are epigrammatic. It is related tina
= a gentleman who was trying hors
O in company with jockey, noticed
4 after having driven him q mile or two
8 that he pulled pretty hard, requirin
0 constant watching and g. steady reir
: : and inquired: ssDo you think it is jus
, the horse for g. lady to drive ?" "Wel
7 sir" answered the jockey, 'I must So
7 / shouldn't want to marry the woma
O who could drive that horse."-Sa
6 Francisco Argonaut.