The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, 1886-04-13
SAM SMALL.
A Journalist who has Aquir-
cd Fame as q Revivalist.
Pungent Stories of a Man who wa a
Humorist from His Cradle.

was a humorist from his cradle, and a
more keen-witted person is seldom met.
No matter in what position he was
placed, his readiness, self possession and
brilliancy of expression always served
him to advantage. He was remarkably
facile in turning a ludicrous situation to
his own account. He was considered
the best story-teller in Georgia, "a state
that abounds in noted yarn-spinners, and
always drew a crowd to hear his latest.
Sam was standing in the Hoffman House
IN New York one day, with the usual
coteric about him, when the conversation
turned on the wal. ''In 1861" said Sam,
General Gordon made q canvass of
Georgia, and in Il series of characteristic
speeches made frequent use of the ex-
preston that I'VE could whip the Yam
KEGS with popguns.' The wal broke out
and he was called into service, not ap-
pearing again in public life until 1865.
He then yielded to a strong treaty to
canvass the state again. One night he
went down to Macon and delivered a
thrilling address, but his tenor was modi-
fed since the war and much of the bit
terncss had vanquishcd. Just as he
closed his remarks an old fellow in the
audience stood up, and addressing the
General, said: Look here, sab! Didn't
you make n speech in this yeah county
way back yonder in GLE L did, SIR
replied the General. We'll, didn't you
tell us we could whip them ere Yankees
with popguns9' The General straighten-
ed up, buttoned his Prince Albert coat,
and in a most digniticd manner said: 4
did, sir, but they wouldn't fight us that
way.'">
"Whcn l was in Paris,' said Sam one
day, "a Frcnchman evidently bent on
asccrtaining how much 1 knew, if any
thing, asked me how many languages
1 could speak. I told him I had never
acquired but two, English and the truth
the latter very imperfcctly."
Sam was one of Il party of Southerncrs
who wer&invitcd to visit Anew Jersey
stock farm. After inspecting n lot of
fine bloodcd stock, Sam said: can AL
ALBANIA farmer once got it into his head
that he would send some of his hogs to
a northern state fair. The popularity of
the Southern hog, you know, is its cada-
v~erousncss, and very long legs. The
country over which it roams at large does
not furnish nourishment enough to pro-
ny1Na faf Wall IN I,,o &.,>, %bo Co.<l
erner had his hogs instated in the gener-
al exhibit. When the fair had progress
ed acouple Of days the judges appeared
and attached a blue ribbon to the pen
next to the Alabama hogs which contain
ed a pair of very fat corn-fcd Bcrkshires.
Look here,' said the Alabama fellow,
a~ccosting the judges, you haven't exam
ined my hogs well, now,' said the
chap with the blue ribbons, you
wouldn't expect us to give you a prize in
the same group with such fine hogs as
those, would you2' But said the
Southcrner, you want to ask me what I
entered my hogs for. Ientered 'em for
speed by gosh,' and he would have taken
the prize every time for that, you bet"
One evening Sam was seated at a table
with q party of friends in the restaurant
of the St. James Hotel, New York,
which is noted for its excessively high
prices. An elaborate repast had, been or
dercd that required some time to prepare.
Finally some one remarked that it took a
long time to serve the dinner. "Why,
yes" said Sam, "didn't you know that9
It's one of the rules of the house. They
give you an hour to raise the money
to pay for it."
One of the best of Sans war stories is
this: "When things were hot around
Atlanta Captain Evan Howell received an
order to rcconnoitcr across the Chatta-
hoochc River and ascertain if the Federal
troops had retired. The night was black
as ink. He read the order to his men.
but was surprised to find them all dis
qualified for the risky job. One couldn't
swim, another had rhuematism, still an
other always took cramps in the water and
SO it went down the whole line. But
the order had to be obcyed. So Howell
plunged into the river and made for the
other side. lie was a remarkably good
swimmer and felt sure he was making no
noise, yet he became so frightened that
each stroke seemed to HIM to arouse the
whole Federal camp. Now and then a
lightning bug appeared and, conf
$50.