News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-11-04

|
Nit gonfusions und affrighdt.
''Shust dime, dime, dime"
Sings dot feller keeping time
To der ''tin-tin-appligati which dot
| Ravin' boet dels
Off der bells, bells, BELLS bells,
Bells, bells, bells
Vrom der shingling, und der tinkling
OFF der bells.
Dake a lesson vrom dhose BELLS
| Shestnud bells
| Look und see how efry passer
Quickly oud hees money ''shells"I
Und der bells dhey tinkle, tinkle,
In der house und in der shtore;
While NIT shmiles der faces wrinkle
AT der shtories Rip Van Wrinkle
| Heard aboudt in days of yore.
Und dhey ring, ring, ring,
All der times like anyding,
At dhose altogether previous shestnuds
Each Won tells.
Oh! der bells, bells, bells, bells,
| Bells, bells, bells
Dhere vas blendy, blendy work
For shestnud bells.
-Ydarcub Strauss.
POINT OF HONOR.
Mrs. Fremont, in her sketch of the
lite of her father Senator Benton
tells the following of the French Bishop
of Louisiana. 1t was a point of honor
among the older French not to learn
English; but the Bishop needed to &C
quire fluent English for all uses, and for
use from the pulpit especially. To
force himself into familiar practice, the
Bishop secluded himself for a while
with the family of an American farmer
where he would hear no French. Soon
he had gained enough to announce a
sermon in English. Senator Benton
was present, and his feelings can be
imagined when the polished, refined
Bishop said:
my friends, am right down glad to
see such smart chance of folks here
to-day."-Goa Francisco A1:s oaaut.
OVER HERE.
Enlo says Tavlor reminds him of the
old man and boy hunting the COW, the
old man on one side of the creek and
the boy on the other. The boy hal
| looed:
dad, she's over here; 1 see her
| tracks"
mo, she's on this side; here's her
tracks"
''But she's over here; here's lots of
| tracks"
"Come on" cried the father, "1et's 90
home. | won't hunt no COW that makes
tracks on both sides of the creek at the
same time. "-Gant ntieD (Ieaa.) Herald.
PLENTY 10 EAT
''Them billed potatoes, said the
tramp, twas little bit soggy."
''It's not often ye git as good din
ner as that, I'll warrant ye," declared
| the woman.
''Not at this season of the year," the
tramp asserted, "but in winter [ get all
| cent"
"What do you eat ~
"Snow balls; they're heap better n
soggy potatoes" ="
Il should think they'd make your
mouth water" said the woman, slam
ming the door.
BACK AGAIN.
The following attempt to prove an
alibi was made in Rock Island court:
Where" asked the counsel for the
defense, examining a Swedish farm
hand, 'was your boss that night 2"
~ not could say" replied the Swede
foot of the stairs leading to the court
room, that you would swear he was at
home that night ~
maybe. yees did. The boss gave
me pair of sleeve buttons if l say so.
The sleeve buttons were not good.
weel geef them back. ~ ChicGg0 Ne1oS.
NAUGHTY BOY.
81 am afraid, Bobby" said his
mother, ''that when l tell your papa
what naughty boy you've been to-day,
he will punish you severely"
Have you got to tell him p asked
Bobby, anxiously.
'Oh, yes; l shall tell him immedi-
ately after dinner"
The look of concern on Bobby's face
deepened, until a bright thought struck
him.
well, ma," he said, give him a better
dinner than usual. You might do that
much for me. ."-Halper's Buzar.
MYSTERY.
Mr.. Wayback-Yes, beats all what
queer things happen nowadays. We've
got the durnest mystery you ever see in
our town now.
L
pose.
"Well, yes, something like that. You
see, a tramp has confessed that he stole
SO from the contribution box of our
church."
"Yes, but where's the mystery You
know who took it"
"Whv, we can't imagine how it got
there, you see. ''-OnsGho World.
LACK OF CONFIDENCE.
Gentleman-Thele you are, Uncle
Rastus You just hand that order to
Mr.. Smith and he will pay you the
money.
Uncle Rastus (scannipg the order)-j
Am dis a verb O. der, sab '''
Gentleman-No. If / gave you
verbal order he wouldn't pay it.
Uncle Rastus (relievedj-Y Vas. dat's
'zactly wot Mister Smif sayed. He said
eff l brought verbul order dat he
wouldn't pay 1t. l reckon he hain't got
San.
FORCED POIITENEss.
Mrs. Hendricks, the landlady, and
Mrs. Simpson, who keeps a rival estab-
lishment around the corner, were re-
turning from market when Dumey
Glanced to meet them. lie almost
swept the ground with his hat
THAT is Mr.. Dunley, my fourth floor
back, " explained Mrs. Hendricks.
"lndeed - said Mrs. Simpson, "what
a very polite and detferential young
man."
"He is three weeks behind with his
board, " replied Mrs. Hendricks, grimly.
CRISIS
Bushes Man Been off again, eh2
Dime Museum Man-Yes. | am nearly
driven to death trying to get attrac-
tiOns; never saw such scarcity of
freaks
"Well, l heard fhe other day of a
man in Dakota who walked seventy-tive !
miles to nav bill ~ OjauhG World.
lie DIDN'T WANT WORK.
Tramp-''Look here, these yere po-
tatoes amt peeled"
Good Woman "Well, goodness, |
can't you do that much p
Tramp with injured aiD-'T didn't
a.< fur any work. When get that low
| will run for alderman. = -ItIa5 SIT !
iags.