Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-09-20

Store clothes are all the fashion now.
Creased pants have at last stepped to the
front.
''I do not seek mans changing praise"
MARBLES poet. Then why dc you infict
yourself on the suffering public?
''Why don't you keep stiff upper lip?"
asked trainer of pugilist. 81 do
was the reply-"don't you see the SCARF"
John L. Sullivan failed to attend
strikers benefit to which he was invited.
Johns kind of strike is no benefit at all.
Another elopement has sprung from
church choir rehearsals. The ladies can't
be too careful about chants acquaintance
eS.
A western medium has just had long
interview with the spirit of Adam. He
reports that Adam still biames the whole
business on Eve.
''Is your postmaster confrmed?" wrote
an eastern democrat to a western ditto.
The reply came on postal card: eyes, a
confirmed drunkard.'
If you are just gone on young woman,
my son, do not color your moustache, for
we have good authority for the statement
''true love never dyes"
A Nebraska farmer says that acres and
acres of corn are growing this year with
out ears. 1t is probably tired of hearing
about the low prices.
The feelings of general about to lead
great army into battle are nothing COM
| pared to the feelings of an ambitious
small boy contemplating his first cigar.
A downtown grocer has sign in his
window: "Picnics Supplied" He was
| a little taken aback the other day when a
young fellow came in and ordered one
girl.
Chow Can l Leave Thee?" serenaded
the young man under the window. The
family stood it as long as possible, and
then the old man let the dog out to figure
on the problem.
| Some men are never satisfied with the
arrangements Of nature. The most re-
cent grumbler thinks that the luminous
end of the firefiy should have been hitch.
ed to the mosquito.
''What do you grow on this land?" he
inquired of farmer, who was leaning
over fence inspecting particularly bar
rem piece of ground. "Grow lazy" was
the satisfactory reply.
'sThe born poet" remarks Miss Cleve
land, "has no agony in his song" In
deed, no. 1t is the poor wretch who lis
tens to his song who lies awake ant
means for the chlorotorm.
A Boston man who called his wife
daisy in the days of their honeymoon
dubbed her a ght-blooming cereus whel
she began to lecture him recently 70
staying too late at the club.
Judge-Have you anything to say be
fore the court passes sentence upon you
Prisoner-Well, all I've got to say is,
hope yer honorll consider the extrem
youth of my lawyer, an let me off easy.
care you going to have picnic thi
year?" inquired a youngster of his Sur
day-school teacher. "Why, what do yo
want of picnic?" s'Nothing much, but
can get six new scholars in hurry if yo
are going to have one."
Contributor-Here is manuscript
wish to submit. Editor-(waving hi
hand)-I'm sorry. We are all full jus
now. Contributor (blandly )-Very well
I will call again when some you are Sc
ber.
A devout old suburban clergyman we
/. talking the other Sunday of povert,
/. 'tLook at the Apostles" said he; 'sthe
did not wear irst-class clothes. The
were not even respectable looking mel
Peter himself was bald-headedr
A little girl, visiting her neighbor wit
her mother, was gazing curiously at tt
6 hostess new bonnet, when the own'
). queried: ''Do yon like my hat, Laura
The innocent replied; ''Why, mother sa
it was perfect fright, but it don't sea-
me!''
81 don't put much faith in the pro
\ erbs," said Brown to Jones. s'For il
stance, "A friend in need is friend i
. deed Now most of my experience wit
W friends in need has been that they wan
ed to borrow money. Give me a frier
that is not in need.''
d THOUSANDS SAY so.
Mr.. T. w. Atkins, Girard, Kan. writes :"I ney
hesitate to recommend your Electric Bitters to
lie customers, they give entire satisfaction and
g rapid sellers" Electric Bitters are the purest
,e best medicine known and win positively cure K
| Liver IN a