News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-05-20
TERMS $3.50.
THE RIGHT SIDE.

THE RIGHT SIDE.
I've lived sixty years in the frisky old world,
An seen lots Of changin' an turnin.
An htty OF them, by the sweat of my brow,
My bread an my butter been earnin',
An I've learned many things in the way Of
hard facts,
never was any great scholar,
1a,,, 1n mere one for you. What ever you do, ,
Young man-an', young woman, I'm warnin
you too
Keep on the right side of the dollar.
No matter how much you may want this or
that
If you can't spare the money to buy it,
Dtnt run into debt, or you'll quickly regret,
Ihat you ever were tempted to try it.
Though your clothes may be white at the
seams an You find
Rough edges on cuffs an on collar,
Jest wait to get new till the same you can do,
Young man an young woman, I'm warnin
An keep on the right side of the dollar.
Oh, the strifes an the troubles that would be,
like weed~,
C-t.7own in their pestilent CROWN.
An the blessin's, like beautiful how'rs, that
folks
In their stead would be constantly sowin'!
Oh the homes an the lives that wouldn't be
Iost,
That lay down to you Whatever you do,
Young man-an', young woman, I'm warnin'
Keep on the right side of the dollar.
-Hdrper'S Bdzdr.
A CARELESS COOK
Customer Ito restaurant proprietor)-
find this piece of shoe string in my
soup, sir.
Proprietor-Shoe string, sir9 CTo
waiter)-Here, you, get this gentleman
another plate of soup and tell the cook
to strain it. (To customer, apologeti-
cally)-The cook has strict. orders to
strain the soup, sir, before serving, but
she sometimes forgets, and then there is
always dissatisfaction.
WORN OUT.
GIVE been digging over my garden
said Brown, ''and I'm all worn out. I"
''Ah ~ remarked Fogg; ga new variety
of earthen wear, eh2' Henderson, who
was present, thought it was mighty
good joke, and seeing Smith short
time afterward, of course he had to tell
it. 81 say, Smith," said he, "Fogg
has just got off neat thing. Brown
was saying that he was all worn out
digging in his garden, and Fogg asked
him if that wasn't new kind of crock
cry ware. What do you think of that?"
II don't see the point" ''Darned if l
do either, now; but l thought 1 did
when Fogg told it. "-BostOn Transcript
GETTING IN.
A worthy bank director went down
one night to his bank and discovered a
burglar about to break in.
''Well, sir, what are you going to
do?" asked the director; care you aware
that this is my bank you are about to
robp
"That's all right" said the burglar,
calmly. 'Now don't be alarmed; l
amt goin' to stand in the way of pal
gettin' the Doodle. I'll leave you my
kit of tools in case you have any trouble
gettin' in. You can send 'em back
from Canada!' and with these words he
disappeared.
DOTS AND DAsuEs.
y Pc 9Ee J9V a RGisEe this lie @t25T 10 Tgam6ih 3
houses running in Chicagof' '.Yes
why should they run? There's nothin:
for them to be afraid of. !"
THE ex-King Thebaw of Burmah il
said to have been an expert poker
player. This seems very probable. A
man who always has four queens ought
to be an expert at poker, if he is at any
game.
THE sleeping car porter was the
original boycotter. He learned quar-
ter of century ago how not to make
the quarters of those passengers COM
Portable who neglected to tip him mis-
little quarter.
A WATERBURY, gentleman was sur
prised while out for drive recently by
the conduct of a boy whom he asked to
ride. The boy refused obstinately, and
when prevailed upon for reason said
he expected u whipping when he got
home and was in no hurry.
IT Is suggested that women need no
clubs so long as they may meet each
other in dry-goods stores. 1t is the
proprietor of such establishments who,
after displaying several hundred dollars
worth of goods and selling a spool of
thread, feel most in need of club.
ONE little girl was heard to say to a
playmate, 'When l grow up I'm going
to be a school teacher" 'Well, I'm
going to be mamma and have six chill
dren." "When they come to school to
me I'm going to whip EN-, whip 'em. >
''You mean thing! What have they
ever done to youp
BAGLEY: "Mrs. de Bangs is the most
courageous woman l ever knew" Mrs.
Bagley (sceptically): "Indeed" Bag
ley: Yes. She went to church last
Sunday wearing her last years bonnet.
Mrs Bagley: And her husband dared
to show himself the same dayl What
do think of that for nerve 2"
THE bootblacks of Louisville have
struck against a shine for five cents.
They want ten, and will make it un-
pleasant for the boy who doesn't de.
mand it. The following manifesto has
been issued: "Notis to the Boy don't
black no shoes for sc. 10c the price.
We will black no man at that price, ="
A WESTERN man applied for pen
sion on the ground that he was badly
injured by Confederate ''ram" during
the war. Investigation showed that he
was a sutler in the army, and while out
on foraging expedition with some of
the boys, was painfully butted through
a fence by an old sheep of the male per
the property of Confederate
officer.
THERE is an old veteran, Vermonter,
in town, who is always iuvcnting ex-
cuses for going on spree He got
glorious on the 18th of March and met
a friend, who said: ''Now, look here,
Jake, you have no excuse to-day. You
are not an Irishman." "Well, " respond.
ed the veteran, with dignity, II guess
I'M part Irish, anyway. I've got Cork
leg.
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