News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-25
pExNYBUNKEn's DISAPPOINTMENT.

osophy In Common Metre - Dots ana
Dnshes, Etc.
PENNYBUNKER's DISAPPOINTMENT.
Judge Pennypunker is not a happy
man. He is "a gourmand, or ''an cpl
cac," as Mrs. Partington would say. 1t
costs money to buy the delicacies of the
season, and Pennybunker is not rich.
He happened to see spendid saddle of
venison in butchers window. He went
in and asked the price of it. Then he
came out and sighed. He wantedi it
very badly, but two dollars was too
much money. He made up his mind
that he couldn't afford to pay so much.
On his way home Pennybunker met
Gus De Smith. "For heavens sake,
Pennybunker lend me five dollars.
am so pressed for money that am al
most crazy" SAID Gus. "But, Gus, you
have not paid me back what l lent you
last week" "No, but I'll do SO pretty
soon, Judge" Kind-hearted Judge
Pennybunker took out his pocketbook
and handed Gus a crisp five-dollar bill.
Gus wept ars of gratitude and hur-
ried away. In the meantime Penny
bunker's hunger had increased. His
yearning for venison became stronger
and stronger. At last he said to him
self: GA man only lives once anyhow, so
he might as we'll enjoy himself while he
can. I'll have the saddle of venison
for dinner" He hurried back to the
butcher. 'I'll take that saddle of ven
ison now" 'I'm sorry, Judge, but it
is sold. Mr.. Gus De Smith bought it
only few minutes ago. He thought it
was very cheap. "-Teras Sifftings.
ALARMS HIS PARTNER.
The report that Edison's house and
laboratory were cast away and lost on
the ocean voyage to Florida is un-
founded. It originated with Edison,
who, feeling playful in view of his ap-
preaching marriage, telegraphed to
Gilliland, his partner in Florida
schemes: "All our things have gone
down. Schooner stove up this side of
Hatteras. Captain and crew safe.'' , Gill
iland, somewhat agitated, reported the
disaster to the newspapers. Edison cor
rected him when they met next morn
ing.
''Why, Gill, there hasn't been any
wreck You misunderstood me. Ionly
said our things had gone downtown
South, meant-Captain and crew are
safe, of course; schooner stove up-cer-
tainly it was; they would have frozen to
death without one up this winter"
Then they all had oysters at ellis ex-
pense.-B Brooklyn Eagle.
A WAY.
"Let's make something good to eat, ="
planned Bob's two little sisters, In un-
dertones.
"AIl right" said Bob, overhearing
"We'll each make something. Lou can
go ahead and make the candy, and Flo
the pop corn"
"And what IL you make 2" demanded
they.
"Ohp' said he, "I'll promise to make
way with it."
It was this same Bob that said to his
mother few evenings ago, as they were
leaving a neighbor's house on their way
home. 'Put my scarf about you,
mamma"
''But if have your scarf, what will
there be for you to take 2" asked she.
'fWell, let me see," said Bob, mis-
chievously; 81 suppose l might take
cold. ."-Harper's Bazar.
PREPARED TO KNOCK 'EM OUT
'Maria," said the preacher Saturday
afternoon, after having read his sermon
aloud to her, ''what do you think of it
Have l not portrayed the evils of Sunday
newspapers in a way that must affect
the congregation ?"
''Indeed you have, john" was the
reply.
81 thought so," said the preacher. "I
feel that in this sermon l have fully
demonstrated the lniquity of Sunday
publications. | trust there will be
large congregation tomorrow. By the
way, Maria, did you attend to mailing
the notice of my sermon and its subject
to all the newspapers, so that it will ap-
pear in the morning 2"
She said she had attended to it. Chi
eago Tribune.
PIKE COUNTY PHILOSOPHY.
The sayin' th't it's better to give thin
to receive is good one, giner'ly speak
in; but when heerd feller crack it
wunst, in refusin' to receive a bad
shillin' from poor cuss th't he had
give it to hisself only minute afore,
thort to m'self b'gosh, that even the
best o. sayin's was liable to warp lee
tie, wunst in while. Speaking O. say
ms, tn hain't no truer one than th't
charity begins to hum. If thuz any
feller ez wants to be charitable, an
hain,t got no hum to b'gin at, want
to put it on record night here th't tn
hain't word in the good ole sayin' that
prevents him from goin' right to work
an beginnin' at mine Ed. Mott IN
Puck.
A RAILROAD DINNER.
MENU.
s'Superfish."
Bipg!
"Stakerliver."
Bang
'Pieorpud."
Blpg!
"TearcouSh."
Sling!
''Cheeseercrackers."
Slang!
''Nutserapples."
Stung!
Fifty cents
Ph--wizl
LEAGUE.
Mrs. Dusenberry-All the ladies are
starting anti i-plumage leagues all over
country. Now, as am a humane wo-
man
Mr.. Dusenberry-I don't take any in
terest in the project. 1t is too triding
in its economical aspect. l could sug-
gest an anti league of great magnitude,
and I'd like to see all the ladies join it.
Mrs. Dusenberry-Ah ! what kind of
league is it
Mr.. Dusenberry-An Anti-Sealskin
League. The seals have as much right
to live as the birds, and there is ten
times more money squandered for them.
-PhilG. CaU
WILLOW TEA.
Tis said that all vessels from China now
bring,
Willow, tea willow, tea willow.
Which in our estimation is not the right
thing.
Willow, tea willow, tea willow.
And tons upon tons of leaves pucked from
this tree
Have been fixed and disguised by the heathen
Chinee
To palm off on this country as genuine tea;
But its willow tea, willow TIA, willow.
--NetC HS0eR Nelos.
so BRIGHT.
Little three-year-old Harry Johnson
exclaimed, as he was locking at his
pretty sister, Mamma, | doesn't like to