Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1886-10-21

would be the most remarkable exhibition
I ever given; entrance fee, fifty cents.
Bob hired the largest hall in the city, TO
Que night only. He took carpenter int,
his secret, and about dozen small bows.
The excitement was great. What coul,
a categorical exhibition be? No one hat
ever heard of such q thing before.
But Professor Smartee was a live Yanke,
and kept his own counsel.
A crowd congregated before the doors
were opened; and, at eight clock, the larg,
hall was packed.
Nothing was to be seen but the stage Will
its green curtain.
At precisely eight, Professor Smarte,
stepped out in front of the curtain.
Bowing like Fourth Of July orator, he
began:
ladies and gentlemen, I am about Il
give you the most remarkable exhibition o.
the age. But 1 must enjoin the most pro
found attention and perfect silence on your
part to render it successful. These art
the conditions. We will proceed"
With a touch OF his hand up rose the
white cats, striped cats, big and little, the
worst-looking cats in Yumei.
They We're all tied 10 stanchions, like SC
many cattle, with singing books propped
up before them, tails toward the audience.
The audience loared, and down went the
curtain.
Professor Smaltee was indignant.
II must insist on your silence, or / can
not go on.
You could have heard pin drop, and
the curtain rose again.
Professor Smartee picked up a singing
book, gllbly explaining how we'll his trained
Gals could sing. "Call for tune, gentle
men,"
A voice demanded Yankee Doodle"
The Professor began clearing his throat
and walking to and fro. "Give me the
pitch, Thomas" he said, hating in front
of big tom-cat at the same time silly
stepping on his caudal appendage.
."fe-e-owP cried Tom, giving the pitch
with vengeance.
formance again, and down went the cur
tain, bang.
Bob danced with rage. His own mother
would not have known him. He yelled for
silence until he was nearly hoarse, and,
when order was once more restored, he
gave them one more trial.
Up rose the curtain.
Now let us sing" So he began to sing,
rushing excitedly back and forth, and step
ping on each of the forty tails as he went.
Such caterwauling was never heard,
nor such an uproar. The boys and men
were wild with delight.
Bob knew he had got to the end of his
rope, and the curtain fell for the last time.
"You have violated my conditions. 1
cannot proceed; think, friends, you have
got your moneys worth of fun. But will
sing you few solos not laid down in the
programme.
So Bob sang some college songs in his
best manner, danced a jig, and turned a
somersault as finale to ridiculous negro
melody. The crowd departed, well-pleased
with their evenings entertainment.
Bob had heavy pocket that night, and
repeated his entertainment in several cities
until his loss was made good.
Strange to say, from that time he never
youth settled down into steady nun.
From a lawyer he rose to be q Judge,
and grave, digniied judge Robert Smart
bore little IT senlblance to Professor Smar-
tee, the categorical exhibitor; but, at
great temperance meeting given in Central
New York, he told of his own reformation
md the story of his Categorical Exhibi-
ion"
A one-legged veteran stumped up to him
and, wringi9g his hand, said, "Jedge, l
Sus thar, an yer never made a speech be-
fore nor since as good as the one when
hey uouICln't keep stiU"
Doctors, lawyers, ministers, and lesser
lignitaries on the stand laughed until they
,ried at this testimony to the Judges eio-
luence.