Daily Republican., 1886-01-15
AN APPLE sERmON.

sio you what hope will prove TO You {
fruitful discourse-de subject am dat Of
apples, Dem OBJ my hearers dat only
look upon de apple wild an eye 10 appis
SASS, apple fritters, apple pies, apple
dumplins' an apple toddies, will hardly
Do able TO comperstand dc application
OBJ my lecture; To dem 1 Leah do peelln's
an direct de seeds of my discourse to
such as hab souls above dumplins,' an
taste above apple tarts.
Nov, de apple, accordin' 70 Linnea-
ous, toe Phlea-botanist, am "A fruit
originally 'sportsd from Adam's apple
orchard In de garden OBJ Eden, an
made indigenous In ebry climate
cept de north p0Ie au' It's neig bere n
territory, de Rolly holly -sliss. De ap.
pie, accordin' to those renowned Lex
umcoaraphers, Sam'el Johnston, Daniel
Webster. Jinnerel Walker, an Doctor
skeleton Mcksnste, Am pyrus nolus,
Whlcn means To 10 MOULDED into
pies I"
Well, you all know dat de apple tree
was de sacred vegetable OBJ de garden
OBJ Eden Till De sly an' insinu .tin' sea
earpent crawled out OBJ de ribber or
Friday morning, bit of an apple; made
apple Jack, handed de Jug 10 Eve, shs
took u sip, den handea IL to Adam
Adam took anoiher, by which bofe no,
topseycate1, an fell down de hill OF
Paradise, an' IN consequence dereof, de-
whole woman Ease, an human race fell
down casmashl like speckled apple,
from tree in q tornado.
Oh, what fall was dar, my hearers
when you, an me, an I, an all drapl
down toRedder, an de sarpent tapped
his forked tongue in fatissaction. But
arter all, my hearers. dat terrible fall
was not de falt OBJ de fruit OBJ de apple
but de abuee OBJ de apple. Il was an
apple dat first suggested 10 Sir Hum
phrey Gravy Newton de seeds OBJ de
law OBJ graduation dat wonderful Inv IT,
IDLE an infrtzable patent leber principle
by which all dem Luminous an wOIum,
iDous planets turn round toeedder all
apart In ore L. Pluribus Unum oh
grabity, hence de great poet Lon sfellow
In de fifty. Eleventh cAnto of Lord
Byron, observee: MAN fell by apples
an by apples rose.
Sir Humphrey Gravy Newton was
one day snoozin' fast asleep under an
apple tree, when large sized Ken
tucky Pippin graduated from de limb
struck him In de eye, an oil at once
his eye suddenly opened to de univer-
sal graduation.
He saw an apple downward fell.
he thought: "a Why not fall up 81
well?r
Itproved some telegrapalc spsn
Failed IL artwiso
wish he'd come back and tell
why Hpples rise
SO high 70 a h II pick In do bushei.
Futi my hearers, to come to the grand
point OBJ my learned disquisition on
apples reasv. *. alb privri, / proceed
TO disgrand from logico, physio ogical
phenomenon, dat eber since our great
grand mudder Eve aud our great grand
farder Adam, do entire human race
and woman lace In particular, has been
impregpated wild de spirit OBJ de apple,
an dat all men an' women an de rest
OF mankind may be compared to some
genus OF lie apple. Dar's de Philantro.
pis', he's a good meller pippin, always
ripe an full of seeds OBJ human kind.
ness. Dar's the Miser, he'a do grind.
stone" apple-rock TO de very core.
Oars de Bachelor, he am rusty
coat, an like q beef stes wIdout grady
DRY To de yer, heart. Oars &c Dandy,
he's long stem, all peelin'. Oars de
Farmer, he's de cart horse apple-a
little rough on de peelin'. bat juicy wild
.ooAh 10 iAshiOEaOle gents am q
French ptppia, an de fashions al BILE young
lady am Bell Flour IN when two SIGH
apples are Joined togedder dey be.
come pear (pair). De Pollytishun
am speckle apple, little foul some
times at de core.
DE young misses are de Maiden
Brushes, de widd4r she am Pineepp!e
-pinen' an sproutin' in de darkness to
blossom once more. De good Wife, she
am de balls apple oh human life,
an In tinis de-do-old maid, sne am u
Crab Apple, a fruit nebber known in de
apple orchard oh Paradise, an only fit
TOT Sourland put her in de cider press
OF human affection. an ST ell come out
forty ELEVENTH proof Vineagar, enough
70 sour all human creation, eDep rs de
loud thunder OBJ de heabeus sours de
cow juice in the milk house. Lastly,
and 10 conclude, Breddern an Sistern,
let 1t be our great aim, howsomever We
may diferin our various apple species,
10 strive to 60 into dc great cider press
OF human trIai without speck in de
GORE or dc peelin' 30 dat when de juice
ofour n ortal vartues am squee zed out,
ne angels when dey fust put dar lips TO
she cidar trough may exclaim wild d
poet: I" "A leetle more cider do"