The Portland daily press., 1886-03-15
THE PRESS.
MonDaY MORNING, MARCH Is.
WIT AND WISDOM

"a while ago. said well known Buffalonian
yesterday 81 had lawsuit In Chicago. Just af-
ter the case was called my lawyer called me cut
and asked If / knew the man who sat near me in
the courtroom. / said did not: never saw him
before Well, said the lawyer, do you want him
for O witnesS?' No; answered, What do want
him pfSEe in my @
replied, ard win swear to anything you tell him
to; cidn't think you wanted hin, but thought ought
I'd let you know The case went to trial WltRopI
the perjuref and lost it."
Mrs Joseph Heap, the wife of Constable Heap,
Of this city, was troubled with rheumatism for
five years and could not use her arms. -Four doses
Of the Athlophoros cured her. D. R. Smith, drug
gist, 1S5 South Main ST., Fall River Mass.
Little Nellie was put to bed at very early hour
one day for some mlsdemeRnor and forgot to take
with her her dearly loved doll Elizabeth, who u.s.
ually shared her couch. Presently she called:
Mammal l want Elizabeth. Please bring Eliz-
This Was denied; but the demand was repeated,
until finally her mother SAID, "Nellie am afraid
shall have to come up and punish you." quick
well, when you come up, please bring Eliza.
Dethi"
II there ever was specific for any complaint,
then Carter's Little Liver Pills are specific for
sick headache, and every woman should Know
this. Only one pill dose.
Andrew Harmon was well known Maine sol
der He fought as well as he could and came out
of the service broken down, and is now pension
err. He came into the postoffice one day with an
ordinary letter covered with six or eight postage
stamps. - .,a,u,oa ..a ,,o.+,,o s+or
you don't need all those stamps: One is enough"
's1Yor mind your business" said Andrew. THE
government has used me well ana I'm going 10 use
the government WELL"
N. L. Scranton, Pa, Blair, Alderman 9Th Ward,
stated Nov o. SO: He had used DR.. Thomas
Eelectrie Oil for sprains burns, cuts, bruises ana
rheumatism. Cured every time.
The Pioneer bound for Vinalhaven lay at the
end of Tillson wharf Another email stea mer lay
period Of time Two runner OF the same variety,
bound for Vinalhayen, boarded the wrong boat
The man in charge acosted them as they stepped
On board with:
Where are you g0tngY
"Oh, we're going as far as the boat goes"
the RI runners made themselves comfortable and
sucked away at their cigars In a shert time the
Pioneer steamed away from the wharf,
where IS that boat going?" asked one run
"shes going to vinalhaveu," answered the
where's this boat goIpg2"
"She amt Solng She's hauled up"
Tableaa. Quick curtain. Deck-hand right.
Runners lefs.-Rockland Courier-Gazette.
Always cap for colgan's Tafry Tolu.
MY friend look herei you know how weak and
nervous your wife is and you know that Carter's
iron Pills will relieve her. now why not be fair
about 1t and buy her box?
The peasant Indians of Central America hold
curious suggestions, Of which the following
are examples: When a child is Ill the mother
takes drake, slnges its tail feathers; and, NUT
tering certain words, passes It over the patent
A woman feeds parrot with few pieces OF tor
tilla and gives the child the crumbs which fall
from the beak as they will IN AXE it talk! Collie Is
due to the evil eye in order to get rid OF the as
furblng influence the woman breaks four DUCKS
eggs into "A basin, and, having mixed them with
rue places the whole under the childs bed; II the
compound be .curdled in the morning the spirit
has departed.
yegetine has cured many cases of rheumatism
By its action as a blood purifier.
A farmer coming into town wearing coon
skin Oyercoat, was asked
WHO don't you wear the hairy side i'll instead
of out?"
warmest when he wore it, didn't hep" replied the
farm