The Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1885-1886, 1886-08-13

There is Il travelling man IN thus city,
and conductor, who are tue best friends
On earth, but when they are together they
seem to De quarrcIing all the time telling
mean things Of each other, and stranger
would wonder why they did not fight
but the twinkle in their eyes as they hook
at each other shows plainly that there is
no hard feelings.
''You are acquainted with that fellow
over there with the gray musiache." SAID
a Sun man to the conductor, pointing to
the travelling man who was talking t"
friend.
Know him." said the conductor with "a
sneer. know him all want to, | don't
associate with no such cattle. He will
steal. He will beat hotels out oi their
board bill. He hasn't taken bath since
1857. and he don't wear socks. knew
hIm when he went barefuoted, and drove
cows on d farm. He didn't know enough
to 90 home nights, only he followed the
cows home. He had no ambition except
to associate with cows, but somehow he
got a Job travelling for hardware house,
and then he began to put on style over
his bctters The first time | struck him
on my train he handed up Thousand
mile ticket, and | he"au TO punch it.
After | had. punched out about twenty
miles he began to get uneasy lie was
going eighty miles, and punched out all
the small figures until covered the floor
of the car with pieces OF card board out
of the punch. When | had got about
seventy miles punched out he turned pale,
and was faint He thought had knocked
every figure out of it, and be said: why
don't YOU get sausage machine. lou
better 90 slow on that ticket. or | will
report YOU. | looked at the pup, in
Italics, and told him he ought To have
more nerve than to faint away at the
sight of blood, if he was gong to be a
successful travelling man. Then | told
him TO take his feet off the seat and quit
splitting on the floor or would put him
off the train. like to 0vcrawe these
smarties the first "trip. and then l car
handle them. He apologized, and ther
we run IN a snow bank, and | made hin
shovel snow for two hours, ard then
punched ten miles more ont of his tick
ct, for the DELAY. Did he kick? Nawl He
was the greenest cbnmp ever saw. .
he was learning something nice, but he
is no company for a gentleman, and
don't allow him to talk to me before
folks. Don't have ANYTHING to do Will
him, if you have any reputation, and thu
conductor walked away.
Il see you with that cross conductor a
good DEAL" said the Sun man to the
travelling man, II few minutes laieI
Much acquainted with hIm?'
30, not much, Z" said the travelling man
He hangs around me some, but l hate
to be seen with him, he has such char
arter. He has got no head. The boys
beat him out of all he makes. He usef
to board here at the Plankington house
but Charley White couldn't stand him. th'
guests kicked So. and told him he'd ieiie
transfer his patronage somewhere else
He boards with the freaks now
Boards with the Freaks What do yot
meant" asked tho Sun man.
"Why, he boards at the same plac'
where the dime museum freaks board On
of the incest hoard:n" houses in the city
but couldn't stand the freaks He luui
we 10 uiHl lSf Win MIN hUtt, anu 'h'uSh
| should die, but he never noticed IT. Ii
gtiarreled with the dog faced hoy over
mutton chop. and wanted TO get up
match between the boy and n terrier o
the south side. l found Il white hair, tw
feet long. from the head of the Circassia
girl, on the conductors coat. aud one i
my butter. He sat next to the Twin
skeleton. and every time the skeleto
would reach for anything on the table
the conductor would kick his legs undo
the chair, and they ratified like bones
minstrel show. The fat woman got eve
with him, though. He was reaching Ia
the last biscuit on the plate when sh
took it, and put it on the chair and sat o
it. When she removed it he had the ga
to say to her, Fatty, pass the pancake