Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-04-28

INA, MICH, WEDNE
WIT AND HUMOR.
The repeal of the union-a divorce.
English paper.
A love suit-the wedding costume.
London Funny Folks.
A floating valuable.-The Watch
OH the Rhine. London Moonshine.
The times are getting better. This
is shown by the fact the days are not
so "shorR as they were.-Chicago
Ledger.
Why is jealous wife's mate like
an impecunious person-because there
is no trusting him a-loan.-London
Funny Folks.
Tom: "How's that cold of yours ?"
Bert: "Oh, l got rid of it," Tom ;
"What did you take?' Bert: ~
took a fresh one. Life.
The papers say Jay Gould has 10
right to kick he brings on strikes by
his greed. Perhaps he does, but a
man always kicks when his Hoxie's
gored.-Lowell Citizen.
A lady writer asks: "Why don't
bachelors marry That's so-why
don't they? Come to think about it,
we have never yet seen a bachelor
who was married. It's lamentable
too.-Binghampton Republican.
The Marquis, engaging valet :
"Haw! hope you like your cigars
full favored, for my last man, who
was good enough to admit ! suited
him, said mine were beastly and made
him sick, and so took himself off,
London Punch.
They were talking about the Thorn
as concert, when he asked "What
do you think of Meyerbeer?"
She, who is Boston girl; "Mey-
erbeer" Oh, yes, of course, don't
pretend to be judge in such mat.
ter, but l prefer Malt Extract my.
self."-Columbia Spectator.
snow, Johnny, you may have one
egg and don't ask for another"
After eating the egg, Johnnie ask
ed for some salt.
Mother: "lyhat do You want Of
salt|
Johnnie: IL want to put an egg on
it."-Babyhood.
Cant you give us something with
a stick in it?" asked Mr.. Smartie
last Sunday, putting a quarter on the
soda counter and winking knowingly
"Oh, certainly" said the polite at
tendant, and he wrapped up a bottle
of mucilage and swept the coin into
the drawer.-Commercial Bulletin.
|
~ notice." said the gentleman in
search of information to Herr Most
"that Anarchists never strike. Why
is this ?"
That" said the great apostle Of
mouth as factor in social progress
with much dignity, "easily explained
No true Anarchist ever works.
Washington Hatchet.
"Hello," said South End young.
sieg to his chum. "Your folks goin
ter move; ours isl
"So's ours. Dad says he won't live
in tn old shell any lenger."
mine neither. Where you goin
ter move ?"
"Into your house. Where ar,
you p
"Into your house. Hartford Post
Citizen; "Just think Of the dc
ception practiced every day. Why
it's dreadful. Now, if you coult
make $3.50 by a lie, your sense o
honor wouldn't allow you to do it
would it, Washington jackson ?"
Washington jackson: "Dunno
boss; dunno. Seems to me dat am ,
matter oh bisness whin honah aim
got muffin to say. Say, boss, who's d.
man wild de s150?'-Tid-Bits.
A learned Berlin professor ha.
given to the world information o
what makes 'merrytwinkle." 1t i
caused by n peculiar abrillar lik'
movement of the lids, the orbiufilar
is palpcbraum and the parts aroun,
the nose. The new reading o
Twinkle, little star" would then be
"Abrillar.like movement of the lids
the orbiuflaris palpebraum and th
parts around the nose dimiputiyc sat
elite. Rochester Post-Express.
Judge: "Well, sir, what have yo.
to say for yourself? Did you blacl
McGinty's eye last night p
prisoner: "Your Honor, il wa
a mistake. ] had heard of the Faitl
CuraD