Richmond democrat., 1886-11-18
big PUFFs FOR LITTLE TlCKeTs.'
Extracts from Paper Read before The No
Press Association.
ny JIM q. ANDERSON.
ny JIM @. ANDERSON.

ny JIM q. ANDERSON,
In the matter of bcstoviug big puns
for little tickets, we are my brethren
one great sorrowing brotherhood and
we get there every time. From eX-
changes CLEAN tins tact every week
From the Carrolton Record I observe
that Col Joe. Turner has gone into the
chicken business. More properly
speaking, hcis apoultricr having come
into possession of q wonderful incuba.
tor. which matches chickens from china
door Knobs. and charges nothing Tor
being mother aud father OF the locks
turned ont. The farmers abolt the
city OF Canollton have Killed off their
hens, the egg market in that
city il a thing Of the past, and spring
chickens are so plentiful thIt 40
Methodist preachers have applied for
Fthe pastoratc at that place. ought
not perhaps, to give it away, but !
know that this wonderful incubator
was secured by Col. Joe for $3.50 in
cash and ~ in advertising.
What has this to do with my subiecty
Not much. 1t is merely case Of Big
Puns for Little Chicks" and if brother
Turner does not like my aIIusiou to his
great bargain, when he is setting up OF
nights, pouring hot water into his
door-knob hatcher TO keep the eggs
warm, he can teach the little chicks TO
rOost high when | visit him.
CAMPAIGN.
The campaign Is OH. | suppose you
are all aware of this fact, can see
the announcements of the late styles
Of spring clothing before me, and | am
glad of it. We all have campaign ex-
periences that are dear to our hearts.
Too dear, may say, yet few Of us ever
run Office, or go to Washington in
search of mamma from the Democratic
heaven.
les, the dear, delightful campaign
season is here in all its brilliant splen.
dor and lye-dOlar announcements
and with all its Big Puns for Little
Tickets"
Shadrack Bdysey, Esqa hands in his
five dollars and says; TEL 'em all the
good things ycu kin about me-eyery-
body in 'Possum Bend IL fur me, tooth
and toe-nail, tother ieller haint got no
chance"
Then Shadrack goes hone aud gets
the district school master to write up
and send TO the editor glowing trib-
ute to the virtues and qualifications Of
Shadrack Baysey, Esq, one Of the Old
pioneers of the county, and life
long Jacksonfan- Democrat" too proud
to beg in his old age, too honest to steal,
etc, etc.
You have already given the old pio-
neer q ten-dollar puff with his liye-dol-
lar announcement, and Your hrain sc
sore from the racklng !ud gave 1t TO
get words suited to the occasion. But
you insert the the card, for fear Squire
Shadrack will be elected and then gets
his two dollars worth of no te heads at
the other Office or send oil to some
penitcntiary printing concern.
This sort Of big pulling runs through
ali the county Offices, and when the
campaign is over you find you hayh't
made dollar, and owe four to the
tUrchlight procession fund.
But ii is all right, and you drown
your sorrows by going out with the
band to serenade old Squire Shadrack
Baysey, Who has been elected by forty.
nine majority, and when you 70 home
and tell your wife, 'nulzin's the mazzer
Just been havin little fun with 'cr
boys you get the biggest pun of the
campaign, and ticket for a big head
ache next morning,
shall not eXpatiate ON the big beet
the tail wheat, the mammoth pump
kin, etc, etc With this department
of my subject you are all familiar. !
ltlltlHutl Nl4Ab NllFt Ndl4it ittl lusluB
whole postollice list Of subscribers,
by failing to give Aunt Sallie Rye
straw a half-column pun for a present
Of a mess Of unusually sour pie plant.
Ugh, threw the stun over the fence.
It wasso sour that it set on edge the
teeth Of all my neighboIg.
forgot to say that my list of sub
scrbers at Aunt Sally's pUstonlce was
made up of that eStimable woman and
and the postmaster, who received the
paper free tor acting as my agent. |
got out of my difficulty by describing
Aunt Sally's forty.Icre farm rs u de-
hghtful retreat, in wooded dell
where the sweet perlum OF wild luw.
ers lulled one to sleep at twilight aud
daily renewed the youth OF the mis-
tless of the mansion. U4N2D, Aunt
Sally was ffty-iour, and had been mar
ried three times. Even, at this late
date, tell You this strictly in cUnlI
denCel
shall ! SKIP our genial itlenu, The
patent medicine agents. lleis getting
to be mighty common, but you alwayl
lind him at the top Of the column, mex
to reading matter You all know hin
and know just what he is going to asl
you TO do, and you do IT,
When he comes iutO the ollice aul
lays out his copy for ads, and reader,
you ask him it he is selling much u
his cast-iron preparation for hardenin,
mems consciences, and intimate. whei
he names the price he will pay, that h
has used a great deal OF his own medi
cine. In return lie will smile-one o
those plying, missionary smiles 20
see when collection is taken up fo
the heathen-and add another reade
without eleyating the price named /
the contract. The patent medicin
advertising agent is rot u little daisr
But hu Is au iron fence around th
nowcr garden OF seekcys after .Bi
Pulls for Little Tickets. lie strike
ynu luIub. and when ha lplyas ,,;t