Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-06-30
NEWSPAPER WIT.

6u1uS0uI0uU dIuOuS OdllOrula young
ladies. Popular Well, weshouldim-
agine so! Any amusement in which g.
young lady can cover g. lap is bound
to be popular.-Yonkers Statesman.
FRIDAY night was a good one for
babies, especially girl babies. In the
town and vicinity six mothers gave
birth to twelve babies, all girls-blue
eyed, dark-eyed, and eyes of doubt
full hue as we'll as color.-Haz7ehurst
(Miss-) COpiahan.
HER Passion Revealed-She: "And
won't you be able to come to my
graduation, Mr.. Ruskin?" He-"I am
come myself or send some flowers"
She-"Ah, that is very kind of you; l
do so love flowers. "-Iidbits.
THEgranddaughter of Cornelius Van
derb1lt is quite Frustrated over the
disgrace of her daughters marriage to
the family coachman. And yet her
own grandmother married without
blush or shame g. clam digger and
oysterman named "Corneep Wander
bilt.
A FRENCHMAN went into Wall
Street restaurant and seated himself
before q mound of butter, bottle of
catsup and soiled table-cloth.
"What'l you have?' demanded the
soup!" shouted the Irish waiter.
"D'ye want tay or coffee ?''-Puck.
Rev. Mr.. SNIFFINs-Come, Brother
Jones, you must not exhibit so much
bitterness. Bascombe abused you
badly, know, but you must forgive.
Allow me to suggest g. text. Brother
Jones-I'd like to smash Bascombe's
nose for him, and / don't need text
for that. It's q pretext want.
THE infant class: Teacher-"Jessie
can you tell me what it is that cat
has that no other animal has?" Jes-
sie-"Fur" Teacher-"Wrong. Car
RE, what is it?"i GARRETT don't
know, ma am" Little Ethel (holding
up her hand -"Please, ma'am, I
know" Teacher-"Well, Ethel, what
is it?" kittens. New York
Life.
BAGLEY-I can't imagine what mas
become OF that $40 bill. De Bags
Have you lost $40? B.-Idon't know.
I had an awful headache yesterday,
and can't remember what I did. I
was-De Bob, I remember now!
I saw you pay Ponsonby $40 that
you owed him. That's where your
money went. B.-There! l was sure
was out of my head philadelphia
Call.
"ILEFT q little check for $4,000
among the wedding gifts" said the
girls father to his prospective son-in-
law, land after the ceremony is over
we will quietly tear it up. See? That's
the style nowadays, George"
"Ye'es," hesitated George, "that's the
style, but I'm afraid it's too late to
tear it up now" "Why?" because
I went down to the bank and got it
cashed. New York Sun.
A TRAVELLER in New England saw
the following sign on board that was
nailed to fence near village:
Horses taken in to grass. Long
tails, $1.5O; short tails, ST." The
traveller halted and asked the owner
of the land why there was such a diff
ference in the price ofboardfor horses.
"Well. you see," said the man, "the
long tails can brush away the flies;
but the short ones are so tormented
by them they can hardly eat at ALL"
FOND HUsBAND-Well, my dear,
what are you sobbing about? Young
wife-Why that sponge cake / sent to
the agricultural fair has just taken
the first prize. Boo-hoo- Fond hus-
band-What is there to cry about in
that? You ought to feel proud, my
dear, of your knowledge of the culina-
ry art. Young wife-But you don't
understand. The judges gave it the
award as the best specimen of con-
crete sent in. Boo-hoo.-Chicago
Rambler.
Chow fragrant it all is," said George,
as they entered the park. "The air is
fairly heavy with the scent of blossoms
dropping from the trees and the per-
fumed doors exhaling from flowers and
bush. Nature on every hand is yield
ing her choicest aromas. Can you i'm
agine anything more delicious, Clara"
went on George enthusiastically, ethan
the pines spicy breath upon the
breeze? What flavor can equal it
What" -''Vanilla," interrupted Clara
with equal enthusiasm.
DAVID DELL, VI DuIIalO, recently told
this story apropos of the monster
Scotch petition against the Irish Home
Rule bill, and as illustrating the atti-
tude of the Scotch toward the Irish:
A minister was making pastoral call
at the cottage of shepherd, and in
the course of conversation spoke of
the goodness and power of God, and
His might in making the world, the
sky, and heaven, and populating the
earth with mon and women. When
he got through an auld wife broke in
with the question: cam did He MAX
the Erish, too?" "Yes, most certain
lv - WAS the ranlv aAv thor, - xuas