davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
A SOFT ANSWER TURNETH AWAY
WRATH.

From the Roxbury Advocated
Irritable Husband-See here, Jane, ]
am hungry as a bear, and suppose, as
usual, dinner is not ready.
Jane-Dinner is ready.
l. HIT is, for a wonder! What
have you got?
Jane-Nush.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
NEVER IN THE RIGHT PLACE
From Puck,j

A Tennessee negro who died Of
general debility was turned over to the
doctors, and a post-mortem revealed a
score OF shirt buttons in his stomach.
We are not surprised. A mans shirt
buttons are almost never where they
ought to be-.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
ALWAYS DO.

From the Boston Transcript
In telling what mothers should do,
an exchange saws: ''Allow the children,
as they grow older, to have opinions
of their own" Wonder what kind of
children this writer has had to do with ?
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
A REMARKABLE DIFFERENCE.

1t is remarkable what a difference
there is in the sensation when you get
a letter enclosing a ten-dollar bill and
when you get one enclosing a bill for
ten dollars.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
BOYS AND CONTRACTION.

from the st. Adams, (Vt.) Messenger
An exchange has an article headed
"Boys and Contagion." What the
small boy can't catch isn't worth catch
ing, only he doesn't always catch what
he deserves.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
Weeslg gntelligenfer.
uEE,C.As IOsNTs PAPER.
Watch the Date

Printed with your uame upon the
m ,Tgin of ihe paper. IL Indicates
t'lhe time to which you nave
paid. II your time has expired,
please renew, aud sf The date is in
correct notify us at once. II
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
.-~~-
GOTEVEN,
From the n. Y. Journa

An Illinois girl had her wrist broken
by Il young minister who shook hands
with her. She got even with him by
breaking his heart.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
GROCERIES. GLASSWARE. sc

MR.. ADAM OEPPE wishes to call @8a
N1 attention to his large stock of @
Groceries, Glassware, Queensw"re, -
etc , just received, fresh and new, and to be
sold at bedrock prices. Being at no expense
for rent or clerks hire and buying only for cash,
he Is enabled to sell good Goods of every kind
kept in stock at such prices as will astonish
those who have been dealing at high priced
houses. Don't fail to examine his stock and
prices before purchasing elsewhere. Franklin
street, first door east OF brewery. sep26,f
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
x jon Market.

In this report the wholesale prices are given IN
lett hand column, and retail pirces IN light hand
| column. In country produce The figures on the
left denote what the merchants ART Jay1ng, and
| ON the rIghI the nrices ut which they sell.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09

GROW EATER.

From the Kansas City Times.l
The mai who keeps his mouth shut
never has to eat any crow.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
Sixteen b Year.
THE KANSAS CITY TIMES.
BRIGHTEST AND BEST.

(NUR IA premium list. comprising over $32, OOO
- worth of presents, 10 now ready. Every
subscriber to the Weekly Times at So a year,
when order is received before April so, 1886
will receive a premium worth, at retail, from 81
to 81 600. Full particulars and specimen copi.i
flee to any address.
PRICES FOR SUBSCRIPTION.
Weekly. with premium, rer year .........$2 OK
Weekly, without premium, per year 800. / l(
Sunday Times, per year .................. 2 OF
Daily Times, per year ......... ......... 10 OC
Address all orders to
THE TIMES, Kansas City, Mo.
SDecial t.rms TO Apenta ianom2
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
THE HONEST MERCHANT

From the Lowell Times.I
The merchant who hangs out in
front of his store the sign: "Don't 60
some where else to be swindled; walk
in here" is honest, to say the least.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
1850.
HARPER'S YOUNG PEOPLE,
Az ILLUSTRATED WEEKLY.

The position oil Haip"r's Young PtOple as the
lea .in% weekly pyIIU itcii tor yuun. reade-s
- wei established the publishers su.,e 10
pains 10 pruvIue he best amt most att. ac i've
r ai:ns ami illustrations the serial and short
sores have sIroDg dramatic interest. while
hey AZ" wno!ly free from WHAT er il p.ru ic, GUS
- vulsnrly tcn atIonal; HE papers on natural
hItsry and &c tenc-. Irsy-l, nnd Luc Iacts Of Lie.
are ty writers whose names give The bel us.
urance Of accuracy add v lue. Illustrated
pipers on aihl 't:c sports, Z ,mes. and Pastures
give lull on these subjects.
There is no hing cheap about it bat lis prlcc.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09

Post"ge free to all subscribers In the United
States or Canada.
The volumes of the Magazine begin with the
numbers tor June ami Deceu. Der eacn year
When no time Is specified. II Will BE- UNDERSTOOD
that The sub-crlber wishes to begin with the
currt mt number.
B"u.d Volumes of IIarpers Magazine, for three
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Index to Harper's Magazine, Alphabetical
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Address HARPER 4 BROTHERS, New York.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
SUBURBAN RESIDENCE FOL

T OFFER for sale, at a bargain, my -
L two-story Brick Residence, contain "a
ing 6 Rooms, Kitchen and Cellar. A n!l
i;ow-shed, all made Of the best pine lumber.
All necessary outbuildIngs. Good well and
plenty of stock water. There are
EIGHTEEN AND THREE-FOURTHS ACRES
OF VERY RICE LAND.
About 400 best apple trees, 200 of them bearing.
a large quantity of other fruits, OF all kinds,
and OF the best quality. One acre in Turner
and Cuihbert Raspberries. One-iourth of an
acre In the best variety of Strawberries A fine
vein of Coal underlies the whole place, and Is
easily reached. Will sell the place for less than
the cost of House and Barn. Located one mi e
from the courthouse, on the best road In the
county. AID commands a very fine view OF the
oity. ieb2ltf JOHN e.. CHEATUAM
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
lsS6.
1856.
HARPbR'S WEEKLY,
ILLUSTRATED.

HARPER's WEEKLY has now, for more than
twenty years, maintained It's position as The
leading illustrated weekly newspaper IN Ameri-
Gu With u constant increase oil lIleriry anu ar
tistic resources, it is able to of r for the en-
suing year attractions unequalled by
any previous volume, emDi acing two
capital illustrated serial stories, one
by Mr. Thos. Ii .rdy, among the foremost OF
living writers oil fiction, and the other by MIR.
Walter Besant. one OF the most rapidly rising OF
English nOvelisis: graph illustrate us OF un-
usual interest 10 readers In all sections OF the
country entertaining short stories, mostly Illus
trated. by the best writer's. and mporlan t
papers by high authorities on the CHIEF topics OF
Inc day,
Every one who desires a trustworthy political
guide. an entertaining and instruc tive amily
journal. entirely free nom Objectlona lie features
In either letterpress or illu %,lratIon, should sub
scribe to Harper's Weekly.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
1886.
HARPER'S MAGAZINE.
ILLUSTRATED.
1886.

The December number viii begin the seventy
.erond volume 81 HAtPhR's MAGAxIsA Miss
Woois0ns's novel, East Auge - nd Mr.
ho"eiis ihuian Summer '-ID nInE til iuie-
most place IN current SERIAL tic iun-wili run
tnrough several numb. RS, AMI Will b. fo!Iow,d
oy serial stories from Il. ID z ackmore and Mrs.
u NJ. Cfaik A new edltrriai department., dis
cuss'na topics suggested by the Gu rem, Iitera-
lure OF AmeriGt ami Europe. viii he contribute
eu ny "-D Iinweils, beginning with The .Jnnu-
AIRY huMntr The great literary even, OF the
year VIII be the publication of II series of papers
taxing M ahape Of 4 story, and depicting
characteristic features OF American society 40
seen TT GU. leading pleasure resorts-wrItren hy
! Enaries Dut.ey WaTnel, and illustrated by c. ).
helnhart. The Magazine will give especial at
,ention 10 American subjects, treated by the
PEST American writer's, and Illustrated by lead
ing American artists.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09

An op tome OF everything ia 1t is attractive
and d'siiah!c Ia juvenile II er- ture. -liuston
Courier
n Weekly feast OF good things TO the BOYS aud
cir s IN every family watch il visits Brook
~ I'm n
l is ondtriu' in lis wcaltl OF PFC ures. in
'ormaIon, aud interest christian .Aivocate,
y. Y.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09

Has the Largest and Best Equipped SAT- Of
'cal News-Gatherer- in the Guy and In the tri-
putary territory. and its eht rpris- in gathering
the news has y 'ss,d into a proverb.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09

-r,'& IA,
"a IN 5Js9s,
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
HARPER'S~ PERIODICALS,

RY, One Year (52 numbrrs) IL 90
Postage free to all subscribers In the United!
States or Canada.
TIE volumes of the Weekly begin with the
hrst number Tor } January ui ~ach wear, WI en- 40
time Is mentioned, it Is und, rstuOd that The sub
scriber wishes 10 Commence with the number
next after the receipt OF order
Bound volumes OF Harper's Weekly, tor three
years back, In neat cioth binding, will be sent
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RelnItta ces should be made by post Office
money CIDER or DRAFT, to AVOID rhenc. oi loss.
are not 10 cory his U0ver2ise-
mem 11kh0"f liz express o'0er of HARrEE Il
EROTHaRS.
Address HARPER & BROTHERS, New York
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09

Special terms to Agents. jan0m
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
THE POST.DISPATCH
THE POST.DISPATCH

Is, moreover, tho on v membec in st. Louis of
the Evening Press Cable >, nd cate which re-
ceives Il d sil, speciai report, b. Cabie, Of Euro
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
THE WEEKLY
POST-OISPATCH

office of the POST.DISPATCH.
ol5 and 5l7 MARKET ST.. 81 Louis.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1886-01-09
1886. THE ST. LOUIS. 1885.
PCST-DISPlTCH
THE
LEADING EVENING PAPER OF
THE COUNTRY.
THE POST.DIsPATCH

Has a full nd detailed Financial, Com mercil
and Make Report bv telegraph and local
we've ho"rs In advance Of al C. mp.ritors.
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1886-02-06
A TIMlD LITTLE WIFE,

"You, John Henry" said Halsted street
woman to her belated spouse, "whcr~ hava
you been and what have you been doing?"
"Been havin' time
"Been having time! Didn't you know
that was here alone? What's to prevent
burglars from breaking into tho house and
carrying off everything we've got. and not .
man on the premises? Been having time,
eh2 You'll have another time right hero il
you don't take to getting home earlier. Now
you go round and see if the house is prop
erly locked up, and don't be all night
where are you going, John Henry
Going to lock mp housh, m dear"
"Don you leave this room, John Henry.
How do l know but there's a burglar under
this bed right now? Ii you wouldn't be ca
rousng around at all hours of the night and
coming home drunk you might have these
matters attended to before now. What are
you standing there tori Why don't You go
and SEQ if the house is locked up?'
Il can't be in two plaishes at oncn, m
dear. If theresh burglar under bed no ushe
to lock housh. If housh locked no ushe for
burglar under bed. Shce?"
That's just like drunken idiot. Look
under the bed first, and then attend to the
rest of the house"
John Henry crawled under the bed and
found a cat, which he caught by tho poster
ior elongation, words to that effect. To
this the cat sat up demurrer and proceed
ed to show cause why the same should be
sustained, which so frightened Mrs John
Henry that she sprang out Of bed just as
John Henry backed from under it, and in
his effort to rise he throw her against the
wash stand upsetting it and smashing the
pitcher She screamed, he swore. and the
cat squalled; and now the neighbors say
that John Henry ought to be put in Jail for
the manner in which no abuses his wife. and
her timid little thing, too.-[Goodall = Sun.
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1886-02-06
Peeping Toms.

The authorities do not permit theat-
rical performances on the Christian
Sabbath. and shows of other kinds are
restricted to those which by technicai-
ties escape the enforcement of the law
and yet most comical show is open
publicly in Fifth avenue every Sunday.
The Windsor Hotel stands in the center
of the promenade of fashionable girls
to and from the modest churches. It
has a long stretch Of frontage. In tho
windows are flowers and foliage rising
solidly to the height of five feet.
Over the garden wall throng of
dandies gather to gaze at the bellies
who pass by Seen from the street.
their row of heads are funny to laugh
at, and curious to ethnologically study.
Their elaborately clothed bodies count
for nothing, being cbscured from view,
and some OF the shorter ones cannot
even display their neck-ties. Only the
faces are visible. Family struggling
.nustaches, girlish bangs hanging below
the brims of their hats, setback chins
resting ON high collars, single eye
glasses held in place by means of dis
Iortive grimaces, the silver heads OF
canes sucked by weak mouths, gen.
eral vacuity of expression-the,e are
characteristics of the exhibits which the
girls are asked to look upon and adj
mire. They ought not to do it, aud ]
guess they don't. t.-Ne,c York letter.
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1886-02-06

"Why, ,rtars that he's hdulin' ont Of Il ,"
in shafts Of brilliant light upon the sandy
beach, where she had played in her roll
licking childhood. and dreamed in her
happy girlhood. as Pearlie drove to the
little depot. whence she was to be con-
yeyed from this home amid blue sky and
sunny sea to the turbulent big city.
To be sure she was to return every
month or two for long visits. but never
theless the separation nearly broke
Pearlie's soft little heart. SO the captain
and she had nearly smothered themselves
In their parting embraces.
There's Bimleck Finley. DRAWN In
his hshin' boat. Why, what's that hes
q haulin' out Of it," he exclaimed. his
attention now arrested. Looks mighty
like some one he's pulled out OF Davy's
Locker. Joe, what's going on there?
The boy addressed came running up
with an awestruck face.
"It's Wild Mad. She's drowned her
self, SIR" he answered.
"How you talk" exclaimed Captain
Gray. And presently the men came past
them. bearing their drcnched lifeless
burden.
Yes. It was indeed 80. Poor Mad had
at last gone on that fatal search for the
"ship away under the sea-" The once
bright rosy face Was now cold and white
In the repose Of death.
"well. she's gono at last to meet him.
said Captain Gray huskily. as they drove
on again. "Those shinin' waters have
taken 'em both. They'll meet-they' II
meet-somewhere on tho other side"
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1886-02-06

lie SnOuld choose ner dress himself.
He knew what Il weddin' rig should be,
for he'd seen en- in furrin places. None
of your cheap stulfs, but real silk and
flowers. YOU sec"
Then he had dclvcd deep into his ever
ready purs" without as q OF shrinking,
hat he mi Eht at least Stc his "little gal j"
n the real article he coveted.
Exquisite shell-ilowcrs, too, with a real
ccm of Il fan that he had brought from
the West Indies, cmbellishcd the toilet
Frank Ellison had run down to Craig
more in the early summer, intending to
make a brief sojourn, but the blue
capped waves" he said, bcwitched him
though everybody knew--aS everybody
does know in Il small town-that a Ger
tain blue-cappcd damscl, known as Cap
tain Gray's mildly" had bcwitchtd him
still more
And now had como the wedding day
and Captain Gray was about to relinquish
this saucy little sailor of his. who was al
epitomized cthercaliZcd edition OF himself,
into the keeping of q good-looking " city
chap"
Yes, the wedding-day and hour had ar
rived. and the bride sat mourning the
loss of her wedding-dress.
We'll, Pearlie. there is no alternative:
you will have to wear your white Swiss.
The folks and minister will be here in no
time. There is one comfort they all
knew you had lovely new dress. and 1t
is too late to delay the wedding. To
think anyone would be mean enough to
steal that. of all things-for it must have
been stolen!''
So, at the appointed time. with this
shadow OF annoyance and sad disappointr
ment lowering over them all, Pearlie
stood up to be married.
Poor Captain Gray. sulky and out OF
Pearlie. lugubrious. and with the
rof q pout on her usually smiling
'he bridegroom was tho onl
amy for 1T this particu
..r looked beautiful to hiu.
ccrenocv proccedefl and Pr.
t beginning TO get 81 ltttlo "eat-'''
.eily behind her .,ha heard II sr'i
- and stir then Il surprised murmur
Garlic at once very indecorously looked
.er her shoulder.
Up through the company came q wild
eyed, gypsy faced woman, her scant black
hair flying loosely about her as she nod
ded and smiled to right and left.
Pearlie recognized her. as did every.
body else. 1t was the crazy woman OF
the village, known as wild Mad"
But what was she doing there?
She had burst suddenly through the
window from the piazza, and. strangest
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1886-02-06
Chronic Dysentery.

Mr.. lanes Brannan, Second avenue
Pittsburgh, Pa, writes a." For two years
l have been constantly troubled with
chronic diarrhea, or dysentery, having
aad, on an average, from twenty to
twenty-five passages every twenty four
hours, and every one bloody. l had
thoroughly tried all the prominent ply
sicians in Pittsburgh. was twice i'll the
West Penn Hospital, the first time thir-
teen weeks, and though left it ,nuci:
better, yet in FIVE days l was as bad as
ever. then tried two other great doc
tors in this CITY, and one Of them finally
assured me ] was not long for this world.
and advised me to write 50 my friends
about it. / next went to DR.. Hartman,
without the least confidence that he could
do anything for me. He examined me.
smiled, and said. he could stop the bloody
discharges in less than two weeks, which
he did with PERUNA, and l have now
been entirely we'll for several weeks, and
never felt better in my life though am
still taking his PERUNA. l will take il
whenever I need medicine.
Mr.. Patrick Burns, Pittsburgh, writes
Il have suffered intensely from piles and
chronic diarrhea. was treated by Ave
of the best physicians and surgeons in
the city of Pittsburgh, and with all grew
constantly worse. Finally three of them
said my only hope was an operation.
This frightened me, and went immcdi-
ately to DR.. Hartman, who has entirely
cured me with PERUNA. have been at
work now for three months, and never in
nv life felt better. Call and see me at
corner Of Twenty seventh and Mulberry
streets, Twelfth ward. Pittsburgh.
Mr.. Patrick Cunningham, S. S., near
Sidney street, Pittsburgh. Pa, writes
"For FIVE years have suffered inexpress.
IDLY from internal and external piles. /
have tried the best physicians Of Pitts
burgh and Allegheny without relief. l
went to DR.. Hartman, who cured me
without detention from work with Pc
RUNA."
Charles Frank, Of Emrichvile, Jeher-
son county, Ohio, writes: had plies
and iistula in ano for four years. l had
suffered constantly with 4 discharge Of
matter from the parts, and sometimes
from the contents Of the bowels through
it. l could not have borne it much
longer. had heard SO much Of the i'll
effects Of 4 knife operation that resolved
to 70 to DR.. Hartman. He ridiculed the
silly idea Of cutting It, and At once per
formed his own original operation with
out the knife, and without pain. am
thoroughly cured though Of feoarse tooi
P1RUMA."
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1886-02-06

OF oil. she wore the missing "eooAns'
dress! ..
Before any one could interfere or realize
the situation. she had jostled In front OF
the sober old minister, causing his re-
spectacle gold-rimmed glasses to topple
over his nose, and was bowling to the
bridegroom.
$50 YOU have come back. dear-cOmo
back to marry me. Glad to see you. Ha
ha! ha! You have made a mistake, lady
fair: you're in the wrong place Come
away" dragging Pearlie from her lovers 9
side; "you are the bridesmaid. and am
the bride. Fiends leave Would you
take him from mo again? To the ship,
did YOU say? Ha! ha ha! the ship lies
deep. deep down. You cannot reach it..
He came up out of it to-day. Will he go,
too? All, yes to tho ship-to the ship in
the sea. Come. come. you and l. to the
ship away under the sea
And amid her wild cries and mutterings
the poor daft creature was borne from the
room. and the service at last finished.
Poor critter" said the captain. three
hours later, when they were seated quietly
together. and the borrowed wedding raj
ment had been secured and returned.
"'Taint very often Wild Mad takes to
rampagin' She haint now for three
years, l guess, anu tnat "oS "Ho'a
young sea-captain come ashore hero 10!
q day to see some friends. She tackled
| him Just a. she did you, Frank. You see,
she's always fancyin' somebody's Harry
Lambert, the young ship-mate she got SO
| In love with long ago. But she always
quiets right down. they say. after one OF
those SPELLS"
Harry Lambert. ship-mate. did you
saw" cried Frank, starting ct tho name.
"Yes, have you heard Of him? A
mighty nice boy. I remember oil the
affair very we'll. Madeline Earle-thats q
| Mad, you know-was q bright. pretty
| girl. but there was insanity In the family
"Well. young Lambert came here ia
visit just as you did, my son. and some.
how them two was together q great deal.
but guess Harry never fell just in love
with her-liked her company. you know,
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1886-02-06
Why She Wept.

A lady called on a friend who had
only been married few years, and was
surprised to find her in tears.
Il am the most unhappy woman in
Austin, and it Is all ON account of my
husband"
why, your husband lives for you
alone. He stays at home all the time:
he never goes away from home; he
never brings any of his friends to tho
house."
"Yes," replied the unfortunate wom-
an, putting her handkerchief to her
eyes, and sobbing convulsively, that's
what - makes me-so-mi !"
-Teras SJtingS.
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1886-02-06
sslIOllSll ON CUrns.

Ash for Wells though on Corns." l5e
Quick c"'npete cue. Hard CT soft corns,
warts buni0ns.