The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-10-07
WIT AND WISDOM.

THURSDAY MUkNlNV, OCI. %
WIT AND WISDOM.
A man of a speculative turn of mind went to a
Western town and started what he called a Mutu-
al Accident Insurance Company. The first man
who came in to collect damages was one who had
been injured in a railroad collision. His insur-
ance ticket was all right and he had been hurt
badly enough. No. getting around that
Were you travelling alone?." asked the agent.
"NO, my wife was with me-"
"Then you and your wife were mutually trav-
cling iIYa tOggether9"
WAS your wife hurt?"
Not at ALL Through merciful providence she
"Then my dear sir,' said the insurance man,
you have no claim against u.s."
"This is a mutual insurance company and as
you and your wife, mutually occupying car seat,
were not mutually hurt you, of course, are not
entitled to any damages don't you see!'
Salvation Oil cures toothache, sprains, strains,
bruises. chibains, and all flesh wounds. 25 cts.
You need not neglect your business when
troubled with cough or cold, if you only use the
reliable remedy DIR. Bulbs Cough Syrup at once.
Madam Parvenue, who had grown suddenly
rich by oil well spouting in her back yard con-
suits an architect in regard to elegant and cost
ly residence which she intends to build.
a
Madam Paryenue-Yes, l want rotunda in the
house and two or three rows OF tundas running
round the outside of the house.
Ministers. Lawyers Teachers, and others whose
occupation gives but little exercise, should use
Carter's Little Liver Pills for torpid Liver and
biIiousness. One is dose.
"There," said Henderson, Il want you to read
tbat-something of mine, you know. suppose
hundred persons have read it, and no one of them
has been able to get at my meaning
''Why it seems to me, said Fogg, after looking XII
the stuff through, chat you mean nothing at all
How in thunder did you find out? SOMEBODY
that was in the secret must have told you"
There are many forms of nervous debility in
men, that yield to the use of Carriers Iron Pills.
Those who are troubled with nervous weakness,
night sweats, &C., should try them.
A Bethel justice was recently applied to for
warrant by father who desired that his son
should be put under bonds to keep the peace. The
Justice declined to issue the warrant and told the
father that his son would not injure him even II ne
II don't know about that" said the father, "hes
plaguey bad breed
Physicians is good standing often prescribe MRS.
Pnkham's Vegetable Compound for the cure OF
female weaknesses This is valuable indorse-
ment.
wife-Why don't you eat you pudding? 49,.
Husband-Pm afraid the puddlng VIII put my
'' WiienWell. suppose it does. That's better than
throwing it into the slop barrel Have ONE more?
Vegetne has cured so many cases of scrofula
and blood humors that its value is unquestioned.
Brown-Did you go for vacation this summer?
Brown-How did you manage your business af-
fairs? x.,
Smith, took my advertisement out of the paper
until returned so there wasn't any business to
manage Great scheme, Ell?
For the relief and cure of the Inflammation
and congestion called ga cold in the head'' there
is more potency in Ely's Cream Balm than in any
thing else 1t is possible to prescribe This prepa-
ration has for years past been making brilliant
success as remedy for cold in the bend, catarrh
and hay fever Used in the initial stages of these
complaints Cream balm prevents any serious de-
yelopment of the symptoms, while also number
less cases are on record of radical of chronic
catarrh and hay fever after all other modes OF
treatment have proved Of no avail.
'sWhat method Of medical treatment would you
think the people who jump from the Brooklyn
bridge prefer?" asked the Snake Editor.
81 can't imagine What is it?" asked the
Horse Editor.
"High-drop-athy"
DR.. Soule's Pills cure headache and keep the
bowels in healthy condition.
sFather" he said, as he sat on his parents
knee, shave we got lots OF money!"
"A pretty fair sum, my boy,
"Did we make it in Canada?"
sin Canada! How could we make it in Canada?"
Chats what told the Smith boy; but he stuck
to it that it was the same as making it in Canada
He said you compromised with the bank for hall,
and was allowed to return Father, l."
"You go to bed, sir,''' exclaimed the indignant