News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
PROHIBITION COMES HIGH.

! in local option county has to pay -
cents for drink of whisky, and where
dere's no local option pays only five
cents. ."-BaltinlOre american.
WHY SHE MARRIED.
A Washington boy was left with a
neighbor while his parents went to see
parade, and overheard the following
gossip about them:
'Tt was a love match. They are a
most united couple After all, the
right way is to marry for love-"
Here the boy interrupted with:
''Mamma married papa cause she
was fool. She said sop
CAPTURED BY A SNAP SHOT.
He Crying to get out of it pleasantly
-PrRaa.zfully sorry that must go to-
nigfa, Miss Bessie. What an aoreea BILE
two weeks we've had of it. L will go
and ask your father Che was going
to say "to harness the horse.")
She-Oh, William, l knew it would
come, and l asked pa yesterday so as to
save you the trouble. He's more than
willing. lid Bits.
DAMON AND PYTHIAs.
"Why don't you bring your friend
around to the house, Mr.. Featherly2"
inquired Bobby, as that young man
seated himself in the parlor.
II have good many friends, Bobby"
replied Featherly, indulgently. (Which
friend do you meanW
John Barleycorn. Pa says you are
great friend of his"
CHICAGO ART.
Connoisseur-Th portrait of my
eldest son painted in Leadville.
Visitor-Excuse me, but isn't it a
trife stiff
Connoisseur-Th the beauty of it.
You see, the sketch was took Just after
they let him down and got the rope off
his neck. The cigar was put in for
effect.-1Td- Bits.
BUSINESS ENTERPRISE.
"What's the price of sausag cs2"
"Dwenty cents a bound"
"You asked twenty-five this morn
ing"
"Ya; dot vas ven I had some. Now
I amt got none; sells him for dwendy
cends. Dot makes me rebutation for
selling cheab und don'd lose nod
dings."
A GOOD MAN AT HIS TRADE.
"Jennie," said Lynn father, as she
your young man gone home2"
eyes, father"
"Who is he, Jennie?''
IL -
"Ah, 1 see, a laster. Well, he's a
good one at it."
TIME SLIPPING AWAY.
''Excuse me, dearest" he said, olsen
tangling himself.
Then he stalked to the edge of the
veranda and fiercely demanded
'Boy, what are you lurking around
the front gate for at this time O. night2"
"Mornin' l apers, sir?"-N Y. Sun.
so ANGRY.
Husband with pride)-My love, I've
been effecting I've insured my life to-
day for ten thousand pou-.
Young Wife-Just like the menl AL
ways looking out for themselvesl /
think you might have insured mine
while you were about it l--Punch.
a TRUSTWORTHY ANIMAL.
Liveryman Ito customer) sir,
is as good hoss as ever pulled wag-
gin An you needn't be afraid of him
he's puffeckly safe an reliable.
Customer (eyeing the animal dubious.
ly)-I don't know bout that. I'd hate
to trust him with any oats.
CORDIAL INVITATION.
Scene, front door. Time, 10 o'clock
Sunday night:
She-Say, George, when are you
coming again9
He-Oh, I'll be here Monday night.
She-Say, George, can't you come
before Monday3-Lye.
PRACTICAL SUGGESTION.
Robby, age three, complained that his
tea, the regulation milk and water art
iCle, was not to his taste. His mother,
by whom he was seated, said:
"Why Robby, my tea is very good"
''Suppose we change teas" suggested
Robby.-BabyhOOd,
FROM LIMERICK.
Merritt 81 see you have a new ser.
want girl"
Little Johnny (confidentially)-''Yes,
and tell you she's a corker."
Bridget (speaking up) - "Fndade,
Dime not, sor. Oh cum from Limerick.
The Judge.
TYPOGRAPHICAL ERROR.
He was travelling printer, and being
IF ho h
to a farmer. One day the farmer said
Il want you to set that hen"
GLOW do you want me to set her,
solid 2'-Ieras Sytings.
THE WRONG GIRL.
He with view toward further ac-
quaintance with the owner) What
pretty little dog! He wouldn't bite
me, would he
She: Oh, no. We give him salt food
only.
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
SEEMS as if Maria would be a good
name for a cat boat Boston Bullet n.
VICTORIA MoRos Nj will pass as
Schilling no longer. She has gone to
Par.
A PROHIBITION law is calculated to in
terfere with saloon keepers flow of
good spirits.
CUPID may be blind but he thorough
lv RECEIVERS his sight three or four months
after it is everlastingly too late.
A FRIE DsHIP woman would not let
her husband kiss her at the front gate
for fear people would think that she was
the hired girl.
FIRST minister Just think of it, they
gave me but $50 for my sermon. Sec
ond minister-Why, | wouldn't have
preached that sermon for 800.
"AND then, gentlemen of the jury,
must appeal to your sense of justice.
You must remember that you are twelve
strong, well-fed men opposed to this
one miserable, puny defendant"
THE Morosini episode will teach coach
men "a lesson. They will see the folly OF
e coping with the romantic daughters OF
millionnaires. The Claude Melnotte
business Is not practical at the present
day.
A BURLINGTON man complained at a
restaurant because he found button in
his soup. The waiter Modified him by
saying that they put buttons in their
soup so that they could button it up and
keep it warm.