The Warner sun. (Warner, Brown Co., Dakota [S.D.]) 1885-1???, 1886-03-05
RANDOM CLIPPINGS.

Some parents do very wrong to keep
their boys in knickerbockers and long
stockings until they are nearly as tall
as grown people. Take a slim youth,
for instance, with a small leg, and alb
normally large feet, on which are
heavy shoes covered by Arctic over
shoes. Fancy his feelings when some
other boy yells out! Il say, gumboats,
where are you going with those
straws.-Peck's Sun.
Infidels and atheists who ridicule the
Bible practice its precepts in whatever
moral enterprises they engage in or adj
vocate. They enjoy the golden fruit
| of civilization thrashed down to them
without thankfulness to the Giver or
acknowledging any sense the source of
their Obligation Chicago Inter Ocean.
Druggists advertise the elixir de
Milan" and say that Nine. Patti uses
it to make her voice brilliant and clear.
AS she has been offered an engagement
in Brazil at Sc, 900 per night, she will
probably try Elixir de Brazil. -Peck's
Sun.
A Cleveland Spectator sent his son
to Wisconsin to buy hops, telling him
to keep his eyes open for any other
speculation. After a few days a de-
spatch came, SAYING" A widow has got
a corner on the hop market of this
state. Shall / marry herp" Certain
W. was the reply sent W the wires.
Twelve hours later the son announced:
..Got the hops, the widow and seven
step children, and shall go to Chicago
tomorrow to see about a divorce
Wall Street News.
The "fying start is a subject upon
which bicycle riders are all interested,
and there seems to be considerable diff
terence of opinion about it. There
have been too many flying starts toward
Canada of late years to suit the general
public.-Peck's San.
Deacon Pillar says that Parson Proof
text breaches as fine q sermon as ever
he heard. So logical, he says, and SO
broad. Fogg admits that Prooftext's
discourses are perfect in reasoning, and
recognizes their breadth; indeed he
goes further. and says that they are
we'll proportional; that is to say, that
they are as long as they are broad
Boston Transcript.
DIR. Burchard. who, alliteratively il
not literally, turned several hundred
Blaine votes Clevelandward with his
three Rs, has been elected presideLt OF
Rutgers Female College. He was care
full not to make any speeches during this
campaign. Let us hope. he has got In
to his rut at last.-Peck's San.
An editor is a man whose biziness i
is to investigate q nuspaper. He writes
editorials, grinds out poetry, inserts
deaths and weddings, sorts manuscript,
keeps a waste basket, blows up the
DEVIL steals matter, fights out other
peoples battles; sells his paper for 9
dollar and fifty cents a year, takes
white beans and apple sass for pay
when he can get it, raises a large fam
ilv, works nineteen hours out Of twenty
four, lo=e no Sunday, gets damned BY
everybody, lives poor. dies middle aged
and eften broken hearted, leaves nc
mummy, is rewarded for a life OF toll by
a short but free obituary puff in the op
position nuspaper. Josh billings.
Barney Card has been arrested a
Warsaw, Indiana, on a charge OF forg
ing notes to the amount of $4,000. Ht
thought for a time that he was ths
highest card in the deal, bat the Joker
was out. and now he Is not even Q nin'
spot. -Pcck's Sun.