The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1886-07-16

sClentlnC uTJlclet, anu tDaU SJuU ABOUT
the tariff you print. That puts me to
sleep. Give us plenty of jokes to
shake mana liver up and let the
tariff take care of itself That's all.
Be in to see you again when I've more
time ; ia, Ia
The next person who took the vacant
chair had a countenance as solemn as a
secondhand hearse. He didn't look
as if he had smiled more than once in
forty years, and the village editor took
him for an undertaken who wanted to
advertise patent embalming process
and pay in trade.
"Sir" said the solemn man after q
silence that became very painful to the
village editor. 81 am grieved to notice
the tone Of levity that has recently
pervaded the columns of your paper,
and 1 am compelled to ask you on
that account to take my name off your
list. You seem to forget that this is a
world of calamity and woe, and that
spirit of levity in the press is unseen.
ly, and tends to draw attention from
the solemn realities of life and the
near proximity of death. Last week
you declined to print my article entitled
reflections on the Grave, alleging
that you did not have room for it, and
then gave up nearly column of your
paper to frivolous jokes. do not in
tend to read anything light this year.
That is all havo to say good after
noon.'
The door closed behind the solemn
man and then softly opened again to
admit dreamyeyed man with a poetic
brow and general expression that
seemed to indicate that he wanted
something he had never had and rever
expected to have.
81 merely came in to remark" he
began, as he took the vacant chair,
"that you are sadly neglecting the
literary department of your paper, /
not only have noticed it myself but
several of my friends have called my
attention to it. You should by all
means run a continued story and have
from two to three good short stories in
each issue. Good stories is the thing
that is wanted to make a village paper
popular Everybody you ask will tell
you that. A little news and some local
matter and the marriages and deaths
should be printed, of course but you
shouldn't let anything crowd out the
stories. don't take your paper but
my brother-in-law does, and / borrow
it of him. l have intended for some
time to mention this matter TO you,
but could never think of it when was
in town before. If you think these
suggestions are of any value to you,
you may send me your paper gratui-
tiously for year. Allow me to bid
you good day, SIR
The dreamy-eyed man went out as
softly as u sixty days note falls due,
and a moment later another style of
person dropped into the vacant chair,
and spoke thus in tones that were
sharp and quick:
81 don't think that l shall take your
paper another year. You are not
making as good paper as you should
with your opportunities. You are not
giving your readers enough OF local
matter. Local matter should be the
chief feature of the village paper Ev-
erything should be made to give way
to local matter. A story now and
then when you have plenty of room,
and a bit of poetry now and then to
please the young folks who are in love,
and little news matter are all well
enough, but if you want to make a
village paper success, you've got to
let yourself out on local matter. Give
the news of your own community and
let the big dailies take care of the
rest of the world. And, by the
way, if you are little short of local
matter this week, you might say that
have invented and patented the most
common-sense churn that has ever
been introduced to the people of this
State. I'll be in again in the course
of few weeks, and will then pay you
for my subscription for last year"
The village editor was Just sliding
under the table, crushed and mentally
demoralized man, to hide his head in
despair or the waste basket, or both,
when a loud knock at the outer door
brought him from his dreams to his
waking senses.
"How are you old fellow?" cried a
CHEEKY voice, and the Old Subscriber
from up the creek took the village edi
tor by the hand with a hearty grasp
and shook pain in the editors shoul
der blade. And the Old Subscriber
from up the creek seated himself in
the vacant chair add merrily spoke
thus:
"Well, old boy, you're just giving
us the very best paper we ever had.
"A good story every week, some poetry
to please the women folks, and a col
umn or two of fresh humor to make
us laugh and keep our lives running
on regular schedule time, just about
enough of politics, all the news that is
worth busy mans time to read, every
important local event written up in a
breezy, readable style, and advertise
ments of all the public sales and of the
stores and shops that offer us bargains.
Yes, sir; your paper is good enough
for me-worth twice what you ask for
it-and l want to pay you a years
subscription for myself, and here are
four dollars more, for which you may
send your paper to my son out West,
and my daughter down South, for they
both like to get the news from the old
home, and you give them more of il
in one issue of your paper than
could write in twenty letters. That's
all I've got to say to-day. Come out
and see me when begin to make ci
der, and bring a JUG along if you've
got one, and if you haven't, I've got
one to lend you; goodbye"
And the Old Subscriber from up the
creek went out with smile upon hi,
face that began below his left ear and
spread leisurely about over his face
and then quietly meandered back to tn,
place of beginning.
The village editor was about t.
pinch himself TO assure himself tha
he was really wide awake, when tn,
nru of noony ~ oar,o a., IL, 90. =.