The Portland daily press., 1886-04-19
WIT AND WISDo M.


In the smoking room-exchange of philosophi-
cal reflections:
"Ah my dear fellow, it is a sad moment in life
when one perceives that glory love and happiness
are not worth even cigar"
'And it is moment sadder still when one dis
covers that the cigar itself is worth nothing
The Burdock Plant is one of the best diru-
etics or kidney regulators in the vegetable world,
and the compound known as Burdock Blood Bit
ters is unsurpassed in all diseases of the kidneys,
liver and blood
In a Partisan store:
''Show me some of the first quality"
First quality, sir? here it is. DO you desire
anything better?'
HThe best you have. certainly; but what have
you better than the first qualily?"
There is extra fine sir, and there is superior
quality next to that"
"Then the first qualty?"
us the third sir"
II am selling your rheumatic cure, Athlophoros
like hot cakes" writes druggist Charles NJ Hail.
enthusiastically, from West Cornwall Conn.,,
whose people show their good sense in thus pat
ronizing so admirable remedy.
In certain Boston household the head of the
family requires his only child bright Ii tie fellow
of eight to learn verse of Scripture to repeat
each morning at the breakfast table. One morn
ing Freddie forgot all about it, until he saw his
papa entering the room through French window
which led on to balcony communicating with the
conservatory. While grace was being said. Fred
die hastily thought over the verses previously
learned and in answer to his papa's "Now, Fred
die. made his usual reverential little bow and re-
peated: "He that entereth except by the door is
thief and a liar"
If you are tired taking the large, oldfashioned
gripping pills. try Carters Little Liver Pills and
take some comfort. A man can't stand every
thing. One pill dose.
Over the backyard fence: az say. do you know
the Shiftesses are going to move this spring2"
"No! are they, though? Well am glad They
have made the street a byword."
Yes, but then Mrs Shiftless has fallen heir to
$4,000, and she has bought an elegant house,
',Oh, always liked her; but her young ones
well, they're real kind of cunning, after ALL
Try Carriers Little Nerve Pills for any case of
nervousness, sleeplessness, weak stomach, indi-
gestion, dyspepsia, &c. relief is sure. The only
nerve medicine for the price in the market In
walls at 25 cents
paper. boy" said rotund and austere officer
10 little news boy ounging on the street corner,
AT the same time Shipping coin INTO the hand of
the urchin, who deXterously deposited it between
his teeth. Delivering the paper, the boy sent a
dirty hand into his trousers pocket and produced
four pennies and nickel, which he emptied into
the extended palm of the dignified purchaser.
you should be more CAREFUL said the officer,
glancng at the change and then handing it back
to the youngster. II gave you Scent piece, not
dime"
Not muscle of the boys face moved The same
dirty little hand went up to his mouth and returned
with the Scent piece. Quick as flash the coin
had again changed owners.
WHAT'S this for?' gasped the dignifed Official
keep der money" replied the boy with wave
Of the dirty hand; II likes ter reward honesty"