The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-08-19

~"
The dudes in Ohio have come back and
washed themselves-but the smell is there yet.
A man committed suicide in a Philadelphia
hotel. 1t was probably Just after coming out of
the dining-room.
"Beecher is lecturing to enormous audiences"
in England. But Henry don't tell the British
ers all he knows.
The Loveland Camp Grounds are closed on
Sunday. They're bound to have a religious
service one day in the week.
A fellow named Sullivan, in Cincinnati was
taken for a relative of John L., because he was
drunk and raising row.
The butter-makers are jubilant over downing
the artificial butter makers. They knew their
case was strong, from the start.
What with camp meetings, horse races, and
base ball, the American people are spending
the summer quite pleasantly.
Many politicians get the wrong idea of things.
For party to be ''solid," doesn't imply that it
must be run by block heads.
"A Connecticut Fertilizer Company is embar-
rassed." 1t has perhaps gotten on the wind
ward side of its own warehouse.
Old Geronimo ran out of his mountain hid
ing-place last week, and murdered six or eight
men-merely to keep his hand in.
lift is true that "Mexico has two war vessels"
then our only hope on the sea would lie i'll her
being out of ammunitio on.
Mexico thinks she "could whip the United
States, leaving out Texas" She was never
much acquainted with Ohio.
So"
One of the most startling disappointments is
to pick up Democratic paper and see q great
headline Educational Column"
+x+
Mr.. Tilden had no famiIy-yet there will be a
big legal fight about his will. The only safe
way is for a man to have no money.
Gen. Joe Geiger says he's "handsomer now
than he used to be-" Ifyou are not, Joe, we
hope we ay never see you again!
Sc
Hayes expression of sorrow on the death of
Tilden nearly killed the editor of the Courier
Journal. Pity it was not a little stronger.
Well, the thing is getting old. 1t is clearly
demonstrated that fool in a barrel can pass
through whirlpool rapids, at Niagara.
80
West Virginia man had to bind out five of
his children, on account of the hard times.
They ate up too much from the dogs.
x+s
The Gallia Tribune is the sole defender of
of Guiteau Halstead. That is perhaps because
most of the Tribune is printed in Cincinnati.
Customer-"Have you butterine?"
Grocer-"No, just out. But here is good
substituted" HE handed out a bottle of castor
DILL
They have introduced q beautiful feature
destined to be popular-in lawsuits in Mississ--
ippi. After the trial one lawyer shoots anoth-
er.
Tilden and Hendricks are gone but one mem
ber of the old ticket-"Reform"-sti] lives.
The first and second the Democracy will not
see again the third they never saw.
AS President Cleveland snatched the poor
widows pension away from her, he fervently
and religiously exclaimed: 'The Lord will tenn
per the wind to the shorn lamb"
%+#
John Boston, of fremont, Ohio, severed an
artery in his arm with suicidal extent Then
two or three doctors got hold of him-and he
still lives.
An advertisement, tells of a man who raised
a whole family on pills. This was perhaps as
temperance measure. Not one of them was
ever known to get tight.
*.+
They were talking of Emmitt for Congress, in
the Twelfth District. Why not? Mr.. Emmitt
is an honest old man, and has barrels, and bar
rels, of Democracy.
CT am the son OF God!" said a religious crank,
in New York-but instead of falling down and
worshiping him, they dragged him off to an
asylum.
The dudes who tried to prove that Gen. Lo-
gan was seoundrel, are now frantically trying
to prove that they Republicans. This is
meaner that the other attempt.
A Jackson man had been for ten years giving
unheeded advice to a wayward boy. The boy
had not been converted" fifteen minutes un-
til he was giving advice to the old man.
Speaking of Gen. Kennedy, the Columbus
Dispatch says:
considers his letter to Senator Logan mistake"
Well he will only have fallen in line with
public opinion when he does.
If the Commercial Gazette was up to the line
of progress in Journalism, it would secure the
cartoonist of the Piketon press. He engraves
his cuts on piece of dry goods box, with
spade.
The Government is following out Mr.. Cleve-
lands precedent in the widows pension claims
matter and is robbing the old soldiers in the
home at Dayton, by making them drunk. This
Is called charity!
A writer on the subject of health declares
that "onions induce Sleep" Let that fellow
eat good, big, healthy onion, just before retir-
ing, and thousand Nightmares and spooks
will appear before morning, and tell him he
lies.
Cleveland is reported "laying the wires for
second term" Ha! Now we see it! These a1leg-
ed Republican Editors have all been bought by
Cleveland's Doodle, to break up the party.
Doodle will ruin the country, sure.
A fatal horse-d disease has appeared at Somer-
set, Ohio-the animals being griped, and the
intestines tied in knots. This is the same di-
sease that affected the Ohio dudes-until Black
Jack Logan jerked the kinks out ofthem.
Bob Crafty, of Marion County, will celebrate
his one hundred and second birthday ON the
24th. Bob is frisky as a colt, &nd the authen-
ticated stories of his wonderful exploits lead