davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-02-05
A PalpabIe Mistake.

Mrs. SMITH am very sorry, Mrs. Hen
bricks, but consider it my duty to inform
you that I saw your husband coming out
of saloon last evening.
Mrs Hendricks-Whatt time was it, Mrs.
Smith?
Mrs. Smith-About eight o'clock.
Mrs. Hendricks-Did you say he was
coming out or going in?
Mrs. Smith-Coming out.
Mrs. Hendricks positively have
mistaken him forsome one else. John never
comes out of a saloon as early as eight
o'clock.-N Y. Sun.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-02-05

earth like solid brain power. It's a
tempting subject and I could spin
out "a fine essay on it, but I
must forbear. must try this milk. 1 am
tired as thunder dragging that heavy cam
and my tail feels as if it had been unsrrewed
just back of my ears" With these words
the Cat impatientiy opened the can and
found that it was filled with mustard in
stead OF milk.
MoEAL-This Fable illustrates the impru-
dence of premature rejoicing, and teaches
that all the pretty day-dreams and Elusive
fantasies did not pass away with Alusacar
and Malyolio.-Lie.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-02-05
Eouine fnteiIigenca.

Knickerbocker Jones, young society
dude living on Madison avenue, took a
ride on horseback for his health last Sun
day. In about an hour he came home in q
hack and was very lame.
Where's your horse?" asked his sister
HE will be home after awhile. You see /
took straight cut through the park, but
the horse took another road. l wasn't
going to wait for HIM Y. Times.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-02-05
An Excellent Reason.

"Unele," said white man to an old
negro, "why don't you kill that dogf"
"Whut l wanter kill him fur2''
Because he sucks eggs"
"Wall, femme tell yer bout dat. 1t doan
meek no diffunce eli hedo suck aigs, he doan
suck none o. mine.''
well, il he'll suck them at one place he
will at another.
"He won suck 'em at my house.
"Why, because he knows that they are
yours?n
mo, beca Sc da ain none dar ter suck. y
-ArkansaW Traveller.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-02-05
UNDYlNG HOPE.
The Feeling That Springs Eternal in the
Maiden's Heart

Aaluen heart.
An old maid at least seventy years oil
age was helped into chair in the Office
of New York police justice. She was very
much excited
"Do I understand you to say that you
think your pocket was picked by young
man who sat alongside of you in Third
avenue carr" asked the justice.
eyes, I'm sure OF it. He squeezed me up
in the corners so that could scarcely breathe,
and he kept smiling at me- and smiling at
me, as if he knew me-"
"Why did you permit him to do that.
Why did you not complain to the con-
ductor?" asked the justice.
"I-I--'
"Out with it,
II thought perhaps he was-he was
WAS what?"
"Going to propose to me."--M Y. Tel
eoTanl,
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-02-05
She Knew Them by SigAt.

Mamma-Do youknow theten command.
ments, my dear?
Little Bess-Yes, mamma.
@Well. repeat them"
Il can't, mamma. | don't know them
By heart / only know them whsp | see
them - hiiadeIphIa Call,
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-02-05
Living with Nobody.

In Texas the colored servant changes
her employer about once every two weeks
Am dat your" said Matilda SNOWFALL
meeting Belinda Jackson.
q Oh course hits me?n
!" Who am you livin' wild now7"
. amt Twin wild nobody. Use mar
ried Texas SiftingS.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-02-05
OLD BEN's EXPLANATION.
A Story That Made the Judge Compromis
with the law


story That Made the Judge Conipromis
with the Law.
Old nan. the charge is assaultlng
An officer of the court.
And resisting the execution
OF warrant says the report
In suit for rent non-payment
BY Mistress Mary Lee
are you guilty, or not guilty?
I'm ready to hear your plea"
Wen, Jedge. spec Use guilty
On medjerment by de law
Ob whnt dun ter de &c man,
An jedgin' hit in de raw;
Hut, Jedge W zen yer heahs de atatemun'
How de fracus cum ter be,
hopes yer'l make de sentuns
~ light ez Yer kin ON me-
Eyer see Miss Mary am sickly.
puny mite oh ting,
An loss her onlies' husban'
Dess yeah ago last spring.
Dey wuz po an libbin' skinny
On de leetle he yearn'd at law,
hase dey nach'ully loss dere forchin
at de Dustin up o. de wah.
IAN sense Marse Lee was token
An lief her all alone,
she ain had almos' muffin
Dat she cud call her own;
An me an my ole oman,
A-kpowin' her sense she's BON,
Divided our rashuns via er
Ter hep or, OH an on.
But yist'day mawnin' 'arly
Wen dis bailiff cum ter ham
an sWo ne NJ gwine to Lobby
On her ehry pot an pan.
DeckOn I'm round de co'ner,
An axed i'm Don't be brash,
An I'll git yer up de mummy
by pawndin sum O my trash
But he wouldn' wait fer err minnit
An sed dat she had ter 60
Dat be 'uz gwine ter seeze de promia'
An batten up de do!
Den, Jedge, forgot he 'uz balif
And s3rvin writ oh cote
Fer my hart an mem'ry tangPd
An lodg'd heah in my hotel
Il dess seed dat bailif libbin'
Fer long befo' de wah
IN er house Old Marster glib i'm
Ter sheltah his po ole ma;
An de patch he had fer muffin
On de udder side de creek
An me a-totin EN- rashuns
Dess cons uniy cherry week.
San de way dis bailiff wuz actin
Ter Ole Marses onlies chile
lDess made my han feel savidge
An all my blood ter bile.
1ergot orbout cote and cullers,
An de case warn't noneob mine,
wuz back on de ole plantaShun
An actin on dat Incl
An dat am dc reeziu, testify,
! couldn't keep onder check,
But tuck i'm up by de slack-ban
An by lis skrawny neck
An ed i'm ODER de pickets,
hut dar los my grip
An OATS whut made i'm ] reckun,
Hit de Placement so k'blipl"
That will do. ~ the Judge sa d, dryly;
Code, section eighteen-ten-
Some ass put that here, likely
But you're discharged, Old Ben!
Put up that window there, bailitf--
1t too warm here for mel
MI Clerk, say fined Ave dollars,
Aud here's your green old ""
Sam w. Small, III Atlanta Constitution.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-02-05
HUMAN NATURE.

Tire men who kicked about the heat
Now grow, about the cold;
Old people wish that they were youag.
The young that they were old.
A man is always saying that
A woman's lots sublime;
A woman, that she were man
Is Wishing all the time.
The maiden thinks that marriage IA
a happy, blissfuI reign:
And when she's married. then she wants
TO be maid again.
We think if we million had,
Our troubles would be err:
And when we get million, then
We want million more.
-Whfn
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-02-05

-" Let every person see if he car
draw . monkey, and then sign his
name to the slip CT paper" said prac-
teal joker at an evening company.
The joker collected the slips, and the
next day leading citizen and candi-
date for the Office of mayor was horri-
fled to see his sketch stuck up in the
post-otlice with his own autograph un-
der it. London Exchange.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-02-05

"A great w1iter gives this plain and
practical advice: Young man, DON
spend money unsil you get it. The
maxim, if practiced, would have saved
many man from ruin and digrace.
Chicago Inter Ocean,
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-02-05

and philosophical turn oil
- A mind, met small Boy and
Little Boy, did you ever
tie tin can to Dogs tail?n
Eyes, I've done it often, replied the Bow.
"Wen, know better way than that to
have fun'
"What is it?"
'sJust tie can OF milk to Cats tail y
ssWill make the Cat run?n
eyes, indeed! It's the funniest thing in
the world. If you were to tie can of
milk to my tail I'd nearly kill myself run,
ming
MAY try it2'
Eyes, if you'll stop the can up tight
The Boy went to work at once and the
can was soon securely tied Then, with a
sudden jump, the Cat started down the
road like cyclone, an earthquake and q
freight train all rolled up into a grand
combination. When the careering animal
had reached sequestered place in the
woods, he paused and soliloquized some
what as follows:
''It's a lucky thing for creatures of bril-
liant talents like myself that there are so
many fools in this world, for, if it were
otherwise, you would see most gifted ami
mails starving every day. Now, for in
stance, if that silly Boy had just one-half
OF my shrewdness and ingenuity never
could have gotten this can of nice milk
with SO much ease. Moreover, I've gotten
this prize honestly, for it is simply the trib-
ute that genius exacts of mediocrity all
over the world. There is nothing on
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1886-10-02
Sl5,47i As
Taxes Reduced.
purposes

The Board Of County Commissioners,
at its session yesterday, decided to re-
duce the tax of the county to eight
mills. Last year the levy was, for all
purposes, IL mills. This is a reduc-
ton of 81 mills. Final action to this
effect will be taken to-day.
We congratulate the county and tax
payers on this action of the Commission
ers. IL is one that is proper to be made.
Our Commissioners have proven them
selves to be faithful public servants, y
and deserving the confidence of the pub.
lie. Their action is in the direction OF
economy and reform. We have the
highest esteem for body of men OF
this character, who appreciate the wishes
of the people, and who nave the honesty
to meet public expectation. As long al
the present members are in office, the
affairs of the county will be faithfully
administered
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1886-10-02
An Exclamation Desired.

The Herald, of this city, says that MIR.
Zehnbar. Sheriff of this county, Is
faithful public servant. IL the Herald
believes its own statement, will it please
explain how it was that Zehnbar took
one Emily McNalty, n colored girl
placed in his custody by Squire Harp,
of Crescent City, on the charge of beat
ing a white girl named Padgut-from
the county Jail to his house to act in the
capacity of a domestic, where she was
SO employed, but for which service
he paid her nothing, but charged the
county forty cents per day for her board
and seventy-five cents per day for her
services as servant to the Jail? We say
she was a servant in his family, yet this
same faithful public officer, "
so called by the Herdid,-charged the
county for her board and S, rvices, and
received pay for the same. All the SER
vice the county received from her was
simply the carrying of meals to the
prisoners in Jail. All the rest of her
time was given to the domestic affairs OF
the sheriffs family. Was this the
faithful service" and similar things to
it, that the Herald alluded to in its zeal
Gus commentator of the sheriff's hon
esty?
There is an affidavit setting forth these
facts which will be made public at the
proper time. Can not our neighbor,
meantime, look up the law bearing on
cases of this kind and advise the public
of the extent of such offenses and the
penalty attached thereto? IL he don't
know the law, he would do we'll to hunt
it up. 1t is a matter that is soon to be
thoroughly Investigated by the proper
| authorities
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1886-10-02

piled up at the station. Some go-ahead
man is erecting complete ice factory
near the Florida Southern yards, and as
soon as that is in operation, Orlando viii
be minus several good customers.
The new passenger station OF the Flor
ida Southern railway is a most credita-
bic structure. No railway in the State
can show such a complete and tasty pas
senger station as can the Florida South
ern at Barlow.
On the train for Charlotte Harbor l
found Judge u. I. Crawford of Pine
Level, Prof. Ashley d. Hurt of Toulane
University, New Orleans, DIR. Harley
and wife from Dublin, and several others
en- route for the various towns along the
Florida Southern railway.
Spanish moss has disappeared, show
ing that we are out of the malarlal
country.
Arcadia, the prospective county site OF
Manatee county, Is one of the smartest
towns south of Barlow. On the 10th OF
May last the stake was set for the loca-
ton of the railway station. Now there
is a twenty-room hotel, five stores, a saw
mill and a good number of houses. Two
solid car loads of merchandise were I'M
loaded here from our train.
Fort Ogden is the home of j. III. King,
the cattle prince of the State. This town
is rapidly pushing its way into favorable
notice. The growth here Is sure and
rapid. Orange groves look magnificent
the fruit now turning to a rich golden
/ hue. Through to Punta Gorda, the key
/ to the Gulf, at l o'clock. The railroad
station here is a highly credItab.e build
| ing. From it the main line reaches
| away two miles to Charlotte Harbor
/ while a branch one quarter of mile
/ long runs to the new hotel. The
/ scene here at the hotel site is one of bus
/ tie and work. Many canvas tents are
seen, and the number will be quadrupled
/ in ten days.
The artesian we'll is 3lS feet deep, aud
| flowing fifty gallons per minute. The
proposed hotel will be built upon a mos
beautiful location. That some idea of the
size of this building may be had, L give
the following facts-length, go feet
| height three and four stories; number Of
doors, 4S6; number of windows, 64S
number of fireplaces, $50; chimneys
! sixty-five; bricks in foundations, etc.
22S, 600. The builder is under bond t.
have the hotel completed January
LIST, 81. The hotel dock will he ], 90;
feet long. On each side will be larg,
floating stages, so that barges and boat:
generally may land at any time of tide
! Large bath houses will be SO arranged
and built, tina. ample depth for bather
will be gotten. That this scheme o
making a winter resort here is no fiZzle
| will say that since the 23d day o
this month (September) house lots to tn
value of s., 800 have been sold, and t
actual improvers. Already there Is ont
store, one lodging-house, and restau
rant is being rushed up. Let us s;ol
bere tonight, and resume our tour O
investigation in the morning.
E.C.P.
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1886-10-02
Long WaY ISaCk

On Wednesday evening last the He
brews commenced the civil year J641,
dating from the creation of Adam. The
new year for computing the reign OF
kings commences the first of the month
Nissan, in which occurs the Passover.
The first of the month Elul is the new
year for reckoning the 1.-THE of attic.
The first of the month Tishri!s, besides
the civil new year, also the date for
computing the jubilee, for planting trees
and for herbs. The following festivals
are kept in the month of Tishri:-New
Year on the lst and I'd and the Fast of
Atonement on the 10th. These are "holy
days" so called in contradistinction to
the Tabernacles, which is kept from the
10Th TO the 2lst; the Eighth Day of Sol
emn Assembly. which is on the 22d, and
the Feast of the Rejoicing of the Law,
which is kept the following day. All
these are called festivals" although
work is forbidden on them alec.
The New Year holy day is distin'
guished by the sounding OF the cornet
which is made of ramshorn. The day Il
most solemnIy kept by all adults and
children not too young assembling IN
their places OF worship, in prayerfu
spirit, asking pardon for past sins. Al
over the world the impressive spectacle
is offered of a whole nation, though
scattered in all lands yet united in spiri
on those first two days Of the year. The
day after New Year is a minor fast, de
ferred if it fall ol Saturday, as IL doe
this wear. TO the neat daY.-NeIr IoTI
Herald
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1886-10-02
Joking About PaddY's Run.

WASHINGTON, Aprl 10.
When Major Butterworth forwarded
to the First Assistant Postmaster Gen.
eral the petition of citizens of Paddys
Run, Ohio, for a change of name in
their post-office, Gen. Stevenson made
the change. and then wrote a personal
letter to Major Butterworth, which Will
interest the citizens of late Paddy's
Run. Following Is the letter:
PosT-OFFICE DEPARTMENT,
OFFICE OF FIRST ASSISTANT =. Nj. c.,
WASHINGTON, March II, 1888.
Hon. Benjamin Butrerworth, House of Rep
resentatives:
MY DEAR SIR have read with pain
full interest and solicitude your letter of
this date suggesting change of name
"Paddy's Run" post office) in your ma
tive State. There are few requests you
could make of me which l would not
grant most cheerfully, but l cannot con-
sistently comply with this. The 18th of
March seems an exceedingly inappro-
pirate time for such request. At first
blush it seems like reflection upon st.
Patrick himself, who, upon the day OF
which this is the glorious anniversary,
drove the snakes out of Ireland. lit
tie reflection will convince you that
your request is iil-advised.
regret TO discover that you are, tC
some extent, permeatei with the de
structive spirit of the age. Paddy {
Run is landmark, and you will read
| iIv recall the vengeance dire threatened
| by the sacred writer against those who
| destroy the "ancient landmarks" Pos
sibly, however, in the multitude of Other
sins you will have to answer for, thu:
will give you comparatively little con
Germ.
Within the decade just elapsed, Lick
| Skillet "Hog Wallow," ''Slickaway,
..Buzzard Roost," and ''Hel's Bend
have gone the way of all flesh. You
seem to wish "Paddy's Run" TO follow
| suit. 1t cannot be done. The line mus
be drawn somewhere. l choose to draw
/ it at "Paddy's Rum"
In haste, yours very truly,
4. L. STEVENSON.
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1886-10-02
The Psychological

This is the title of a novel written by
Hon. P. P. Bishop, of this county. 1t is
said to be a work of decided merit. AS
soon as we get a copy we will examine
it and report on it's literary qualities.
In the meantime we will copy what the
Greenville Is. CO. Daily Ne,rs has to
say of the distinguished author and cit
izen:
The Hon. P. z. Bishop, of Florida,
has achieved distinction as politician
and financier and we are proud to claim
him as in some measure identified with
Greenville. He has spent much OF his
time here and manifested a warm in
terest in the affairs of our city. and has
won innumerable friends by his genial
bearing in private life and his public
benefactions.
Most of his friends will be surprised to
know that he has made bold venture
in the field of literature and written a
novel. 1t is published b. the Putnams,
New York, in beautiful volume, and
| a very hasty glance at it induces the be-
lief that it will command general atten.
ton. Its title is "The Psychologist" and
| a simple but well told and interesting
story is made to introduce deep and
close studies of the human mind and
and soul and some original deductions
stated in a bright and attractive manner
The book is not only pleasant to read
| as a romance, but offers material for care
full thought and study to those who wish
more than to be amused and interested
Analysis of the authors reasoning vii
| be useful and instructive whether it re
suits In coincidence with his deduction
or dissent from them. The book is giveI
local interest not only by Mr.. Bishops
FREQUENT visits here, but by the fact tina
the story is partly laid in Greenville an'
Spartanburg counties and some of tn
characters may be recognized as drawn
| from life
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1886-10-02
The Assessment.

The total valuation of taxable prop
erty in this county as returned by MIR.
BENZ. Boyd, County Assessor, for this
year, is 81, O46, 476. This is an increase
over last year of about 100000. This
increase does not come from the higher
valuation Of lands and property re-
turned last year, but from new prop
erty. The Palatka and Indian River
railroad give in $3.50, 900 this as against
nothing last year. The Putnam House
of this city is returned for $4,000;
whereas it was not on the list last year.
a great many homesteads are assessed
this year that have heretofore not been
subject to taxation.
Orange groves and farm lands have
been returned at the same valuation as
last year, with the exception of those
that have lost their value, to SOME ex'
tent, from various causes. These were
assessed at reduced valuations. We be-
lieve not an orange grove has been re-
turned at an increased valuation.
This increased valuation shows that
Putnam county is moving right up to the
front. Our excellent assessor has per
formed well his duty. Very little prop
erty, if any, has escaped his vigilan
eye. Where all the property is returned
it makes the burden of taxation mor'
equal. The matter of equalizing thu
assessments will be the business of tho
board of equalization now in session
But we think the assessor has done hi
work so we'll in this respect that tn
board will find their duties in this di
rection very light.
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1886-10-02
Our Critical Professor.

Our Superintendent of Education
thinks his figures have been wrongly
stated by THE NEWS. We can only say
that our columns have always been open
to that officer, and when we fail to &C
cept his oral statements of complicated
accounts he has been welcome to use us
for his explanations.
But 1t seems that this officer does not
believe In publicity as safeguard for
public morality. Will he explain why
he stopped to carry off a paper belong
ing to the Board? VIII he explain at
greater length why he SO warmly OBJ,
iects to the publication of an estimate
furnished to our Board at their request
for the guide of their public action? The
paper so rendered to the Board was in
the guardianship of its clerk; the Pro
fessor did not have the permission of the
clerk nor of the Board. Did he wish tc
receive with one hand and pay out with
the other? Is it necessary that public
officer should so carefully place under
the seal of secrecy public document
publicly rendered to public officers on ;
matter so interesting to all as that o.
public instruction? The paper may no
be very weighty, for it seems it wa
drawn up by Prof. Wood; but surel,
there was no absolute necessity for it
suppression. The Board has ordered thu
return OF the estimate; will the learne'
Professor explain his action? When w
make an estimate. 1t is published ant
open TO correction; Why should those o
the Superintendent be SO CAREFUL.
guarded?
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1886-10-02
Corrections.
guarded?

The defence of the Sheriff in the Her
aid condemned the Board of County
Commissioners and adjudged the re-
sponsibility for the recent Jail delivery,
on grounds no doubt satisfactory to the
editor of that sheet. We attempted to
answer the article, but have since found
that the turnkey had mechanical con-
trivances for his safety, in addition to
those mentioned by us. For even if he
had left the two pairs of double doors
open. as before mentioned, suppose he
had opened the cell doors by the lever
provided for that purpose, ordered the
prisoners into the cells, and shut the
doors by the action of the same lever.
Then he might have entered the corri-
dor, placed the food properly and gone
out, closing the door Of the corridor be-
hind him. Then he could have opened
the cell doors with his lever, watched
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1886-10-02

the prisoners at their meals in perfect
security from the CRATE made for that
purpose. After the feeding" had been
finished, he might order the prisoners
again into the cells. confine them as be-
fore, and remove the dishes. All of
which the chairman Of the Board dem
onstrated to the jailer yesterday by ac-
tual illustration, as described elsewhere,
leaving some parties, no doubt, again
s'tired of investigation"
We are also glad to learn the Board
was correct in describing the guard as
"bailiff" under our statute, and joyfuliy
make the correction.
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1886-10-02
Hon. II. +. Bishop.

This distinguished citizen of Putnam
county was in the city yesterday. He
expects to speak at several points the
coming two weeks, at the meetings ap-
pointed by Mr.. Dougherty. The Colonel
will make at least two speeches in this
county, and two or three in Orange.
We are glad the committee have secured
the services of the Colonel for these two
counties Mr.. Bishop is justly regarded
as a man of great force on the stump.