The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-10-07

strange TO say, he consented. After
many attempts to fashion his thought
fancifully he wrote the word Whereas.
but TO save his life could go no further.
Having selected the most unpoetieal
word in the language to start with the
muse fled from him in horror and
alright. leaving the stern logician COM
pletely bafllcd. Dcspairing of the per-
torrance Of his promise he wrote TO the
lady frankly admitting his plight. She
asked that the album be returned just
as it stood"
Saws Mr.. Carnegie i'm his new book:
whenever al American is met abroad
with The assertion that government in
me Republic is corrupt. he can safely
say that for one ounce Of corruption
here there il a full pound asordupoi>
in Britain; for every Job here. twenty
Wonder. One nObleman gets ff.OUO
(S2o.OO0) per annum for walking back
ward before her Majesty upon certain
occasions; and 50 on through chapter
Of jobs 50 long and irritating that no
American could patiently read through
it,
YES" remarked the lady in mourn
ing; Ives. have given more dinners
than any leader i'm Washington so-
cieiy.' "Indccd. Public ones9' Il have
given public dinner almost every dav
for five years. and have entertained
some Of the most distinguished poli;i-
clans that ever visited the city,"
Strange. never saw your name in
the PAPER" You don't look in the
right place" NO? | looked in the So
cieiy column. Wrong place. | am
the keeper of the charity soup house. -
Washington star.
"Have YOU been reading much this
winter. Mr.. DE Musselbrain? inquired
young lady OH Connecticut avenue of
a caller few evenings ago. 70. no.
Miss Dorrtt of course not, don't YOU
KNOW" he replied confidently. Elm
deed. Why not?' she asked. i'm some
establishment. 20. because. Miss Dor
rift. don't YOU know. the newspapers
never contain anything about base ball.
don't YOU know. during the winter.
When the season fully opens. don't You
know, expect to read a great deal.
don't You know. - Washington Critic.
She was young. she was green. she
was very new in WaShin -ton. At i re-
cent swell affair she had gone with the
crowd into the rcfreshment room. Pres
emily an elegant looking waiter. for nil
the world like foreign Ambassador,
bowed politely before her and murmur-
ed: lis there any one waiting on YOU.
m:ss?" ..Sir? Sir?" she stamnered in
startled embarrassment. ..Par.ionnez
moi Is there any one waiting on you.'
co." she said. blushing brightly. NO,
sir. not in Washington. But when I'm
at home I've got more beaux than any
other girl in town. Washington Star.
NO" said Fogg. I'm tired of going
out visiting. If call on Brown he's
sure to bore me to death with his ever
lasting brag about his dog: if 90 to
Backs, he'll talk of nothing but that
confounded horse of his; and AT Whites
l shall hear of nothing but his hens.
Therefore prefer to stay at home and
enjoy myself '.But, my DEAR inter-
posed Mrs. f.. 1.-THE conversation will
Hardly be more improving if. as usual
YOU dilatc on pipes and tobacco" ..ies.
my love-" replied Fogg. '.but YOU
should remember the difference. l do
the taking "-Boston Transcript.
During 4 trial several days ago in
Alabama an old fellow who had been
arraigncd for killing a man arose and
said: ..Jedge, thar amt no us II goin'
on with these here procecdin's fur shot
ToDe. but that amt nobody's business
fur he wuz friend o. mine" If he
was your friend, it is all right" replied
the Judge, ''for a man has right to
take few liberties with his friends.
The people in this part Of the country
are becoming too particular. Turn the
sociable gentleman loose, Mr.. Sheriff,
and call the next case. '-ArkansaU
IrdUcIer.