The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1886-06-11
VOL. XXXI----NO. "a.
VARIETIES.

Why are muddy streets dangerous Be
cause they are full of cart ridges.
When you see business man look melancho-
lie,
It's not because of biousness or colic
The trouble is he doesn't advertise.
"A good deal is being said lately about
the ability OF young wives to cook. The
ability OF young husbands to provide them
with something to cook ought not to be en-
tirely left out of the question.
"A little Rochester girl drew picture of
a dog and cat on her slate, and calling her
mothers attention to it, said: "a cat oughtn't
to have but four legs, but drew it with six
so she could run away from the dog.
Happy indeed, are those whose inter
course with the world has not changed the
tone of their hoier feeling, or broken those
musical chords of the heart, whose vibrations
are so melodious, so tender, and so touching
in the evening of their life.
Old Homespun stopped his horse half an
hour before a house with smallpox flag
hung out of the chamber window. Finally
he grew impatient, and, with Get up" re-
marked, Darn if b'lieve there's any train
coming. u any rate, I'll risk it,"
Whatll y haze? ?"
Frenchman-"I will take drop of contra
diction."
Scotchman-"What's that?"
Frenchman-'Vell, you put in the whisky
to make it strong, de wafer to make it weak,
and de lemon to make it sour, and de sugar
to make it sweet. Den you say, Here's to
you and take it yourself"
"A cute little girl of three is the delight
of Washington boulevard family for her
prettiness, as well as for the bright and odd
ltp ,n nj
ofmilitia passed down the street in front of
her home, and her minute black. and-t tan bark
ed furously through the window pane at
them. The little girl arose in alarm and
said: "Shat the door, mamma Fido will
bite the army?"
DO not fall in love with pretty face, my
son. Marry hOmely woman, if you would
be happy. In the first place, the probabili
ties are that no other man would fall in love
with her, and you will, therefore, never suffer
the pangs of jealousy and, secondly, she will
be so thankful to you for marrying her and
frowning upon the pretty girls of her ac-
quaintance, that she will be ever grateful to
you and love you with a love such as a girl
with pretty face can bestow upon nothing
but her looking-glass.
"A ten-year old boy, bound by rail from
London to Liverpool, in England, became
hungry before eleven O'Clock, and began to
eat the broiled chicken which his mother had
placed in his luncheon box for him. A gen
tleman who sat beside him was moved to say:
"See here, my son, if you eat so much now
you won't have any appetite for your din
ner." To which the little fellow replied =
swell, if | have not any appetite l shan't
want any dinner" The friendly traveller
had no more to say after that.
1t is related in the memoirs of Mary
Somervlle that when girl she and her brother
coaxed their timid mother to accompany
them for a sail. The day was sunny, buta
stiff breeze was blowing, and presently the
boat began to toss and roll George" Mrs.
Fairfax called to the man in charge, this is
all awful storm. l fear we are in great dan
ger; mind how you steer; remember,
| trust in you" He replied: "Dinna trust
in me- Teddy trust in AlmightyGod" In ter
ror the lady exclaimed, Dear me is it come
to that?"