The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1886-12-28
A CHURCH CONCERT.


Saw and Heard There.
I'VE enter and take our seats
Young Lsdy-There. Mr.. Jenkins,
told you we should not be late. You
see we have lots of time. Oh! did you
ever see such a horrid hat as Mrs
Deusenbury Smith has got on? It's per
fectly awful.
Woman behind us Tin .hoarse
whisper)-What that girl can see in
Jenkins never shall understand.
Her Companion-Me neither. They
say he owes thirty seven dollars fol
board to Mrs. Bowler, and she tells
me
Myself-Excessively warm, is it not
Young Lady-It seems qnite cool to
me. But see! here comes the pianist,
Signor Staccato. / think he is just
splendid.
Sig. S. Con the grand plano-pisnis-
simO)-Tum. tumty, tum. Tumtytum
ta-a-a-a-a, etc.
Various persons in my immediate
neighborhood-The say she's going
TO be married again, and No, in
deed, for / told him just what |
thought Of You don't say so! Well
/ Yes, that's him right over there.
He She sings in the choir, and |
must say Isn't he perfectly grand?
Sig. S. (fortissimo) -Thumpetty-
neutrality-suspicious.! bang!!
Young Lady-He is just wonderful!
(Tumultuous applause. Sig. S. comes
back and does it some more).
Young Lady (when he has finished)
i could listen to him all night.
couldn't you?
Myself could, but il would make
me very sad. my Lady Friend looks
3aggers at me. and 1 see that | have
made mistake).
Woman behind us-How out of place
hat Jenkins looks at a classical con-
cert like this.
Myself (feigning a deep interesD-
An. Miss Cantake is going to sing.
High-priced SOprano-Una Yoca poca
q. etc.
Man in front of us-That woman has
oeen married three times. Her name
amt no more Cantake than mine is.
Her first husband was
Woman behind melt cost dollar
seventy yard, and (Wild applause.
High-priced Soprano comes back and
BOWS but won't sing. Enter the gifted
artist, w. Macresdy Higgins).
Young LADY, am acquainted with
aim. He is too awfully funny for any
thing. He told par that it came just
as natural to him as breathing.
w. NJ. III. giving his great imitation
Of Irving)-Gud. gud, me lud. etc.
Man in front of me-Did you ever
see IrVing2
His COmpanion-Yah. He's no good.
You Orter see Buffalo Bill. Now he
can act. he can. (Frantic applause.
W. NJ. H. comes back and initiates
Lawrence Barrett, whom ne represents
as an asthmatic individual with unmis-
taxable premcnitory symptoms of the
blind staggers.)
Young Lady-Ain't he just too
splendids He told par that MIR. Barrett
saw him give that representation once,
and was so overcome that he had to
leave the hall.
Myself can readily believe that
Il am about to make further remarks
Of asarcaStic nature when-EnterI Israel
MOrgenstern. the talented American
Violinist.)
l. M. 0playing his great Revery in G
sharp nOr)-Wa-a-a-h, wah. wah,
wahwahwah wo-o-o-o-w, ETC., etc. U
gradually become oblivious to my sur
roundings, and am soon in the arms of
what-you-may-call him. dream that
have been chosen umpire in a cat
tight, and that / am presently obliged
to decide against q large, blue-eyed
cat with determined expression of
countenance, who in his Indignation
fiercely attacks me. We fight for some
time with clothes-poles. and / am
presently stabbed in the arm. awake
to find that my Young Lady has stuck
= pin into me.
Infant Phenomenon ION the plat
form)-Mabel, little Mabel. with her
face against the pane.
Myself-Tm afraid I've been DOING
Young Lady Gcily)-You have slept
through two entire numbers.
Myself am very
Young Lady (ten degrees below re-
ro)-You need not apologize.
Pastor of Church Qsrge. portly man
with voice like fog-horn)-I am re-
quested by the Young Peoples Associ-
alton to thank the congre-I mean the
audience-for its attendance, and to
state that an oyster supper has been
prepared in the chapel. audience be-
comes interested.) Only fifty cents per
head will be charged, and the proceeds
will be used-thanks to the kindness of
the Young Peoples Association-tod de-
fray your pahstor's expenses on his
lecture tour. Pahss through
the door to the right. q am about to
invite my Young Lady to partake of
bivalves. when / remember that have
only thirty-6ve cents in my pocket
Eze4nt, myself and my Young Lady
into the street. E1eunt nearly every
one else into the chapel. )-F. a.
Stedrns, ga 7Td-Bi$S.