davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-02-19

They must have forgotten some
thing in preparing their bills Of par
ticulars." he said to himself. ..but at
this moment can not for the life OF
me think what IL can bc-unlcss il is a
call for something to make one for
get"
Then he pressed zone time" When
The bell-boy responded he said:
Kindly ask the night clerk to put
me down for call ia time for the first
train in the morning for Boston,
The simple request was made more
impressive by the quarter he gave the
boy. Ten minutes after he was be-
tween the sheets irving by sheer force
81 will 70 make himself believe that he
would presently fall asleep. although
the ache at his heart knew better all
the while.
In No ~. directly across the hall,
was gentleman whose intricate auto
graph on the register below-in rath-
er sncaking. identity hand
was translated by the bald-headed
and therefore expert clerk 10 read &C.
J. Browne" H. was nervous, i'll at
ease. evidently chatting under an en-
forced and altogether unwelcomc break
~ his railroad journey; while his
breath, no less than his manner. con-
tanned suggestions in the last degree
aoh"rrent to the principles 50 jealous
y advocated by Neal Dow. To put il
mildly. he had been drinking. and for
TINS or some other cause was not in the
most amiable tcmpers.
Steadying himself as best he could in
mont q the programme Of electric
calls. with which his wall was also
ornamented. Mr.. Browne peruscd ii
with frequent aggressive lurches. inter
spersed with a running commentary Of
criticism Of the unique system 10 which
ne was now for the first time intro
anccd. designed to convey precise in
formation rs 70 large range Of ones
wants. through the medium Of the bed
room button 70 the Office annunciator.
Bell boy'r' he exclaimed, in de-
,sive verbal marginal note. Bell
"py old man. stoops. bald-hca,led.
neen boy sixty odd years probably:
Ee watcr-in the morning, thanks
a"iuily; -chambcrmaid-
now what do they want 10 sfirc' the
cnambcrmaid for? When she for
ge's TO leave those towels. Of course.
p".'er-that sounds something like
u"n know they were allowed to sell
matt liquor openly in this blarstcd State.
'nougn; hot writing materials
mats right writing materials have
I'm me. As well as some u their Augusta
statesmen. in hot water before now:
uA'n- heres Yankee concession 10
c's'lization -or i this an artful way III
,r,rsing up the old bar-room Joke?
na'r y that the bottom? They
nANen rot Il half on here very in
Kenions and comprehensive lit. but
mere are no end Of other things they've
,orroticn. Where's the cali for tt.,
"u'chrr, the baker and the electric LIGHT
maker: The tailor. hand-organ. sun
..a..>chocl superintendent. cashier. de-
"c'ive and canadian ticket agcntP
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-02-19

Mother" said Philadelphia youth. II
can not understand Hattie. I'm afraid
she's coquette. Last night, while pass
ing, saw her in the parIor, and, dropping
in, found her alone. When ! asked her to
marry me she gave little shrek, and
jumping up, ran out Of the room and let mo
go home feeling like fool. 1 can not un-
derstand such conduct"
"But | can, my son. She was around
here early this morning and explained Il
al. You know she didn't expect your"
yes"
"Well. she had onions for supper, and
when you popped the question she knew
you would want to kiss her II she said yes,
and she was afraid you would smell the
onions. She told me TO tell you to come
around tonight and pop again. "-PhiIa-
dciphia Herald.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-02-19

An. niliy. many day and night.
1hro' the sun and stormy weather.
We've loxkcd along ~ best ne might.
with achine hearts together;
We've bravei the wintry blasts that pousc'
And many = lonely league we've scored
with little cheer before us
Toofsore we've pIoddcd on and on.
Ger roads that slow unravclcd
Their murky miles from dusk o. dawn.
And chilled ne ~ We travelled:
We've threaded woods - dark and mute.
The osls we're halt afraid "a boot.
And whippoorwiils grew sick. slr.
Down country lanes. BY churchyards din.
Az midnight We have scurried
And seen the cldritch moonlight swim
Above the dead we've buried:
For " the nre ~ . trimmed his lamp
in many gloomy thickct.
We've heard m down where the beetles
The rssping OF the cricket.
We've listened 20 the snap and crack
~ heart<trinRs when the portal
OF lies proud temple. swinging back.
Let free the soul immortal.
We 70 caught the sound Of spirit wings
In novels OF ufliiction.
And heard. amid such suncrinRs
Loves bravcst bencdictlon-
We've seen the hardened sinners eyes
Lock up their light forever
with gro4n>. aud AgonlcS. and cries
A. soul aud sense did sever:
We've seen the good old man cycllis close
A . er them death aid SETTLE
A. softly as = summer rlsc
shuts az ia snowy petal
We've seen the father. stopped with years,
ON many death-bsd lanruish.
We've heard The sob. and seen the tears
stream down the cheeks OF anguish
q conirade mine. our days have been
A ncscr.enring trial
We've starved our souls and worn thcm
thin.
with steady sclf-denial.
Old fellow: you have ever stood
Ny Trend IN "a. bulafion.
And wouii give You. II could.
A royal rccrcntion.
Alas IN racket with aches and pains.
And you arr getting hpny.
And. Billy. little rest renn ms
For you and fnc. my pony.
Aha, q stranger pAsl~cx here.
With ciinking gold beside us
Ana he would take Nou. HiIly dear.
II ducnfs could div de Us.
The wretch he does not undo rstani
Exactly where INV heart ~
Not ali the wealth al his command,
Ny Blliy-ioy. could part uS
-Jdfncs AftrfJA Matthews. fn Current
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-02-19

Mrs. SMITH am very sorry. Mrs. hsn-
bricks. but l consider il my duty to inform
you that saw your husband coming out
Of saloon last evening.
Mrs. Hcndricks-W What time was II, Nfrs.
Smith?
Mre. Smith--About eight o'clock.
Mrs. lIcndricks-Did you Say he Wa
coming out or going inY
Mrs. Smith-Coming out.
Mrs. Hendricks positively have
mistaken him iorsome one else. John never
comes cut Of saloon ~ early as eight
o'clock.--N n Sun.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-02-19

The Feeling That Springs Eternal II the
Maiden's Heart.
An old maid at least seventy years Of
age was helped into chair in the Office
Of a New York police justice. She was very
much excited.
do understand you to say that you
think your pocket was picked by young
man who sat alongside OF you ia q Third
avenue carr" asked the justice.
"Yes. I'm sure OF II. He squeezed me up
In the corner so that could scarcely breathe.
and he kept smiling at me, and smiling at
me, as il he knew me-"
why did you permit him to do that.
Why did you not complain to the con-
ductor2" asked the justice.
"I-I-v
"Out with it,"
II thought perhaps he was-he wac.
"Was what"
"Going to propose TO me."-N Y. Tsf-
egram.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-02-19

Knickerbocker Jones. young society
dude living on Madison avenue, took :
ride on horseback for his health last SAM
day. In about an hour he came home II. ~
hack and was very lame.
"whore's your horse?" asked his Sister.
"EIc win be home alter awhile You see Z
nook straight cut through the park, but
the horne took another road. ! wasn0
going TO wait for him. ~ y. Times.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-02-19
ELECTRIC CALLS.
How q Valentine Was Brought by
Wildly Using Them

IL was tho ghost Of a smile that
Fghtrned the rather tired face Of Mr..
George Plympton. frcshly-arrived occu-
pant Of room No. AZ, parlor floor Of
The principal hotel in the metropolis Of
Maine. a. he glanced at this card con-
spicuonsly tackled up over the button
IN the wall near the head II the bed:
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-02-19

earth like solid brain power. It's =
tempting subject, and could spin
out fine essay on it. but
must iorebear. must try this milk. am
tired as thunder dragging that heavy can.
and my tail feels as il it had been rnscrewed
just back OF my ears" With these words
the Cat impatiently opened the can and
stead Of milk.
MoRAI,--This Fable illustrates the impru-
dence Of premature rejoicing, and teaches
that all the pretty day-dreams and Elusive
fantasies did not pass away with Alusacoe
and Malvolio.-Life.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-02-19

Miss Catharinc Wolfe. the wealth..
est spinstcr in the country, has &15,-
900, Curious that Catharinc, with
80 much capital. hasn't captured :
lamb-likc mate yek--M Y. zriJuna
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-02-19

- nea who kieks1 about ~ ~
O!d peopIe vIah that they were youoGs
ne young thae they were old.
4 nan q always saying sbat
y woman. thot she were man
Il Wishing al the time.
me maiden thinks that marriaro =
a happy. blissful reign:
And whom she's married. then che wants
10 b . maid again.
We think n we million had.
Our troubles would be DER;
And when We get : million, then
We want million more.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-02-19
7.;$g||a,,!t ;:.:c (; ",

! ! ! : :; !: :: :: !: !
and philosophical turn q
mind, met . small Boy ~
Little Boy. did you svse
tie tan can to Dogs tail?"
"Yes. I've done il often, (" replied the Boy.
"wel, know better way than that 70
have fun"
what IL it?n
Just tie q can OF milk to Cats tail's
"Win make the Cat rum"
"fes, indeed It's the funniest thing II
the world. II you were to tic q can %
milk 70 my tail I'D nearly kill myself rum
ming"
MAY try it?"
Eyes. il youn stop the can up tight"
The Boy went to work 1T once and til
can was soon securely tied. Then, with =
sudden jump, the Cat started down tho
road like cyclone, an earthquake and
freight train, all rolled up into . grand
combination. When the careering animal
had reached a sequestered place in the
woods, he paused and soliloquized some
what as follows:
Its lucky thing for creatures OF bril-
liant talents like myself that there are 90
many fools in this world, for, II IL were
otherwise. you would see most gifted ami
mails starving every day. Now. for in
stance, II that silly Boy had just one-half
OF my shrewdness and ingenuity never
could have gotten this can Of nice milk
with so mach ease. Moreover, I've gotten
this prize honestly for il is simply the trib-
ute that genius exacts OF mediocrity all
over the world. There is nothing on
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1886-02-19

III.
They don't ring midnight bells in the
metropolis Of Maine TO honor the adj
vent Of any saints day. but the clerk
on duty at his principal hotel might
have been pardoncd for thinking that
Prof. Widdows-who in 1876 made
himself noisily known to Centennial
viSitors-or some other artist in
chimes. had suddenly matcrialized. by
the pcrturbcd condition Of the an
nunciafor. The performer certainly
succeeded in making music for all con-
cerncd by his impartial and bewildcr-
ing pcrsistcncy. rs he scandalized the
hour and the propricties BY ringing all
the changes on the nine electric
calls In rapid succession he gave
IS times for towels" - times f)r hot
water" - times for BATH and "a
times for fire. then he displayed an
ardent fancy for 'sthree Of kind by
demanding the contcmporancous APP
pearancc Of the s'prcss time" bell
boy, press times" chambermaid.
and ''prcss 8 times porter; without
pause he conveyed with resonant dis
tinctncss pcrcmptory wish for -
ttttt1r ~ ~ AttA anu - 1tiVlltnt lANTl =
reiteration Of q previous hint BY press
ing - times" that more fire was e.
sential 10 his comfort
Whcreupon nj this stage Of the pro-
gramme tic bald-hcaded night clerk,
armed with the remains Of 4 half-eatcn
sandwich and righteous indignation,
rushed angrily 70 No. as parlor floor
10 see II By his personal presence he
might haY PLY quell the riot. which BY
this time involved in common ruin Of
awkward adicctivcs, elaborate and or
nat. explosives and notice that they
would throw up their job in the morn
ing every last employee who had been
on duty since ten o'clock.
When the clerk. holding his wrath in
check As best he could. sought to cx-
postulatc with the inccndiary occupant
of the department for ordering ano,h-
" fire for bis CRATE, which was already
The Washington critic., 1886-01-14
Holm il IA manner

The number of Chinese in New York is
too small compared to the white population
for the drain TO be noticeable, but 1t will
grow in volume until its effect will be
plainly perceptlble. They have drained the
Pacific Coast for many years from $50, 900,
600 to $40, 900, 600 year. The same money
earned by white men and invested In our
industries would have made California the
richest State in the Union In proportion to
population. General Butler, who has the
reputation of being tolerably clear-sighted
man, said when here that the surprise to
him on this question was that the State had
stood this drain and still prospered. If it
had not possessed much greater than aver
age resources the Chinese would have sap
ped its vitality years ago.-[san Francisco
Call.
The Washington critic., 1886-01-14
In hsNNnrf Disnrler

\ "sweet disorder" in the arrangement OF
the hair is not only allowable just now
about the temples and upon the crown OF
the head, but II is considered very proper
and "stylish' to allow numberless short,
stray, zephyr locks TO fall carelessly from
either side of the graceful French twist,
which carries most of the hair high to the
front and sides Of the head. The fashion
able young lady thus coifrurcd naturally
gives the idea to people not yet instructed
in this art of hair-dresslng that she has
either forgotten to make her usual toilet or
has recently encountered n gale The
struggling wisps, nevertheless, are noticed
upon every other "socety" girl one meets
Just now. They are fashionable, and we
know what fierce, violent objections may be
quickly crushed out and ovcrruled by that
magical assurance. Critically, however, the
latest style in hair-dressing is an untidy one,
but no more so than the wearing with the
most carefully made and handsome toilet Of
n dingy and soiled undressed kid glove-a
fashion which still obtains with many best
dressed people.-[New York Evening Post.
The Washington critic., 1886-01-14
NOTES AND GOSSIP.

THE GR,Nr monument fund has climbed
up to $llI,oGj.
\ SINGLE copy Of the first edition Of
"rickwielt" was sold In London the other
day for $40.
GENERAL BrpNN, the famous sharp
shooter, will before long return to this coun-
try for an extended visit.
ONE Of the newest fancics for drawing
room decorations Is pair OF fancy scales
for the weekly weighing of the baby.
The ONO SOCIETY of New York was
permanently organized last evening and
General Thomas Ewing elected president
MADAME IIENm GREvuLE's new novel,
"Cleopotro," story Of home life in Russia,
will soon be issued from the press of Tick
nor e Co.
IT Is COMPUTED that onc-fourth Of all
the hats worn in this country are made at
Danbury, Conn. The average product is
l,3i3 hats an hour.
Mr.. RoBERT GARRETT, the railway pres
ideut, has been taking a week of at the
residence Of Mr.. a. p. Gordon Cummings,
in Carroll County, Md.
TO THE MANNER BoRN-Lady Visiting
Boston, are a nice little girl and
what your name ?" Child Of the soil-"l
am Sturgis, but mother Is Saltonstall." :"
Il Life.
Miss SARAH ANNE JEwETT, one of the
most gifted literary women of the day, is
tall, dgniiled, fond of outdoor life aud 3j
years of age. She resides with her mother
In pleasant home ut South Berwick, Ne.
MAJOR lIENW G.. LEE, brother of Gov
ernor Lee of Virginia, is visiting his friend
Van Holt Nash, at Atlanta, Ga. One of
the objects of his trip South is to visit
the grave of his grandfather, at Dungeon
ness, Ga.
SECRETARY ENDICoTT, Representative
Whiting, Representative John 5. Wise,
David \. Wells, and Paymaster j. +. Tar
! hell, and T. ). Thompson Of the navy, and
| llallct kilbourn of this city were registered
in New York yesterday.
WILLIAM ALLEN BUTLER, the author of
that famous satirical poem "Nothing to
| Wcar,n which was first published nearly
| thirty years ago, Is at work now upon a
novel which is understood to be also social
satire. Mr.. Butler is n New York lawyer
and about 80 years of age.
| Nl0s MAJ tllNNb 10 nNluB very Nutlll
at Fontainbleau, experimenting the educa-
cation of her three daughters. They give
promise OF becoming fine and attractive
women. She lives secluded, seldom going
to Paris, only thirty-seven miles away, and
seeing scarcely any of her many friends,
some of whom are always to be found in
that capital.
HoN. FRED. II. WINSTON, the new Minis
ter to Persia, left Chicago Tuesday after.
noon for New York, whence he will sail on
Saturday by the Aurania, EN- route for Lon.
don. Thence he will go to Paris, Berlin,
Vienna, and probably to st. Petersburg,
where he expects to obtain much informa-
tion regarding the commercial relations OF
Persia. At st. Petersburg he will select the
most feasible route TO Tehcran, perhaps that
by way of Constantinople and the Black
Sea, and will proceed direct to his destina.
1
The Washington critic., 1886-01-14
The Hoodlun, OF the Coast.

The hoodlum is essentially Californian
and must be seen with his feet upon his ma
tive heath to be understood, to be feared,
to be appreciated. There have been no
words given to adequately describe the
wave Of the hair on his brow or the 1uif of
the hair on his neck, the tightness and short
ness of his spring-bottom trousers, the stub
of his toe and the height Of his heel, the in
tensity of his tie and the rampant redness
Of his pocket-handkerchef, His face is
bold or sly, or sullen, or stupid, but it is
always bad His walk is slouch or
swagger, according as he halls from the
western addition or south of Market street.
His speech is not to be understood by the
refined and respectable, being mongrel
dialect of profanity, slang and murdered
English He is born with love Of drink
and hatred of the Chinese lie lives with
the object of being as wild, as wicked, as
dissipated, as drunken as possible within
the limit of one existence. Francisco
Post.
The Washington critic., 1886-01-14
Both Were RrOthcrS,

A gentleman walking along California
street on Wednesday suddenly discovered
that his shoe had come unlaced Stopping
at a convenient step he put his foot on 1t in
order to lace the shoe, when rip went some
thing, and two suspender buttons careened
wildly over the sidewalk. Some unsympa-
thizing passer-by grinned audibly. Not so
one gentleman. lie walked up to the dis
comhted one and said:
"Excuse my impertincnce as a stranger,
but will you take drink with me?n
When they were inside the saloon the in
viter said to the invited: "Nlay ask you a
question:"
"Certainly," replied the other. $50
ahead.n
"Well, are you married to literary wo-
manY'
~ am.n
''Then shake hands"
''But why do you ask me?n
81 saw your suspender buttons fly of;
my wife is also literarly inclined, and
know how fast that class of women sew but
tons on.n
They took another drink of mutual sym
pathy,-[ San Francisco News Letter
The Washington critic., 1886-01-14
Lnmgtry in Her Youth.

Blanche Roosevelt says she met Mrs. Lang
try on her first coming to London, at din
ner, at the late Lord Ranelagh's. She was
shy, wore plain black silk and one rose in
her hair, which was nut-brown aud thick
her eyes were fine and her skin fresh and
hardy, but her mouth and waist were terri
BILE, both as big as all out of doors. She
spoke with a frightful provincial accent
and every word she uttered sent the com
pany off into screams of laughter She set
TO work on herself, according to Blanche
vigorously. Let ladies with large mouths
and waists listen. She began by shaping
in her waist, n hair-dresser soon lightened
the nut-brown of her hair to copper, and
brought the tower from the top OF her head
to the napc of her neck, and fashionable
dressmaker soon routed cheap black silks
and jeisey-cut garments. Looking at n
photograph taken at that time you wou Id
not know her as the lily she now is.-[rown
Tonnes
The Washington critic., 1886-01-14
A LOVERS EULoGY.

sweet are the ways white llcsper hath,
Faintly to furrOw leagues of sea,
And make on low lulled waves path
For feet of dreams 10 cross TO me-
But, all, above his silver skill,
And each fair compeer's art above,
Steals the dim splendor, pure and still,
OF eyes love
"Swcet is the ripple's landward rise
on some cool seashore's tranquil curve
Where the fopm's fragile garland lies,
Wind-plastlc lc In its toss and swerye
But fate has brought me bliss deem
The courted seashores bliss above,
o, placid touch and milky CLEAN
OF hands ! love!
sweet is the tint some roses wear
OF sunsets flush and mornings pearl,
Serene below Junes bluest air,
With leaves that languid breezes curl;
But summer holds not any rose,
Whose tender tinges rank above
The delicacy, the repose
OF lips love
Edgar Faweett.
The Washington critic., 1886-01-14
Baby Kissing,

"Don't You Dare to Kiss My Baby is the
title of the latest piece of alleged original
poetry that has started on Its rounds. The
bard sets forth in emphatic language the
dangers Of the practice of baby-klssng,
The communication of cont agious disease
by kissing, so often the subject of warn
ings against farewell kisses of the dead, is
the climax of the poem. The young and
tender years Of babies make them pc
culiarly liable to danger from diseases
which may be transmitted by kissing. If
fond mothers will only take the hint and
refuse to let people kiss their babies unless
they have special right to do so, instead
of urging people to kiss them, it would be
great relief to Presidents and candidates
for other offices, all of whom expect TO be
Presdents.-[ Philadelphia Times.
The Washington critic., 1886-01-14
MAGNETISM OF SPEECH.

The Grand Army posts of Utica,
which held meeting on Monday night
in behalf of the Grant Monument Fund,
could but regret the unavoidable alb
sence of Mr.. Conkling, who had been
asked to preside, but the applause with
which his letter to the meeting was re-
ceived was striking illustration of the
wonderful magnetism which the pen,
as well as the voice of the gifted eX-
Senator, invariably eXerts on occasions
when he wishes to make himself felt
There is no man in the country who
has such n magical faculty of impress.
ing his living presence upon an assem-
blage by the incarnation of words,
whether written OF spoken. Men are
caught by the spell Of his peculiar
eloquence as by some wierd, super,
natural music. Listen to the follow
ing extract from his last Grand Army
letter:
Misunderstood by many when he lived, now
that his grand and patient life and death are
over, the name of Grant Is one of the jewels
of his country. II will not grow dim In time
from oblivion, but lasting memories will tes-
tify to those who come after US that we We're
not blind or indifferent to glories or martyr
doms we saw. For our own sakes we should
leave such memorials The Grand Army OF
the Republic may well lead in such IA work.
Soldiers may well go first TO raise a monu-
ment 10 this soldier Of the army IN which they
fought and whom they followed TO victory on
30 many crimson fields
The same thought has been expressed
many times before, and in language
equally forcible and chaste, What,
then, the secret of its power, that the
mere reading Of it should sway mul-
tiude of men as the winds sway II
fOrest2
II consists in subtler appreciation,
than most men have, of the sympathies
TO be touched and the impossible
points to be reached, in the audience to
be addressed
Mr.. Conkling seems to know at n
glance, if not intuitively, just what to
The Washington critic., 1886-01-14

say and how to say it, when called
upon TO speak He possesses whit
might be called an unusual aptitude for
assimilation with his subject. u quality
Of such potency and uniqucncss, rs to
fit him for The leadership of great
cause without his ever being suspected
of the grosscr arts that characterize
the ordinary dcmagoguc.