Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1886-12-02
WIT AND HuMOR.

us individually, 1 say we follow her
home, and try it as body. She couldn't
resist u.s.
A child who was sitting in the sun
was admonished by her mother: sMy
dear, come out of the sum- mo,
mother, " said the little girl, with empha-
sis. 81 got here first =
Two rival bellies met at masquerade
ball one evening last week. "How well
you look under the gas light" SAID one
to the other. "And how charming you
look in the dark" was the courteous
reply.
A train was delayed for an hour in
Troy, N. T., recently, and drummer
remarked to the conductor: This is
sort of twelve ounces to the pound af-
fair. amt it?" "How's thatp" Troy
wait you know. " Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
Literary man Qaughing)-"Yes, l
took to literature naturally. / was vac
cinated from quill, you know"
Friend (grimly)-"H The world
would have been the gamer if you had
been vaccinated from pick or shovel.
Philadelphia Call.
Omaha Mani see the English have
a queer fashion. After the period of
deep mourning is over ladies make no
change except to wear light gloves.
Young Widow-Yes, dear, it shows that
the hand has passed the mourning
stage if the heart hasn't.
Son -"Who was Esau, father?" Wall
street broker-''Well, let me see. 0,
Esau went short on his birthright,
Jacob having 'cornered' him, and call
ed in all the 'pottage.' There was not
much left on the market, and-ask
your mother, boy. Tile Judge.
Wife-"Mrs. Hendricks is to give q
small informal tea party tomorrow
afternoon to a few ladies, and was
wondering if had better wear gloves.
Husband-"I have always understood
that on such informal occasions the
ladies handle each other without gloves"
-NeO York san.
When Dollar street in Ponkapog was
named, Mr.. Thomas Bailey Aldrich,
whose summer home is. in Ponkapog,
protested, as it might be expected that
poet would There are" declared Mr..
Aldrich, sat least $50 scents in it and it
should be named Dollar-and-a-half
street. Boston Post.
"You are going too fast" said ply
stefan to a rapid young patient much
too fast, and you will nave to haul in
your horns" ''Well, doctor. | will do
my best to follow your advice; but |
really don't see how l can get away
with any more horns than am hauling
in now. "-Drake's Magazine.
81 say, Jobkins, can you let me have
| that dollar you owe me?" want it
to-day, particularly" "Well, you see,
| have the toothache What has
that to do with itP" "A great shock
will cure the toothache, Jobkins, and |
thought perhaps if you paid me, Ter.
Thank you. Philadelphia Call
A short-sighted man approached a
stranger on Austin avenue and said
"You are wretched donkey" "What
do you mean, sr?" Numbered the in
suited party. Il beg your pardon. l
made a mistake. You have remarka-
BILE resemblance to the donkey / sup
posed you were. "-7eros SJttngs.
Old Mrs. Bently-"Pears to me, Eben-
ezer, as if these ministers have had alto
gether too much rest this. summer"
| Old MIR. Bently | don't know,
Martha; them fellers is awful hard
worked during the winter. Why, just
think, Parson Brownlow had five dona-
ton parties last season. "-IEd-BltS.
Bridget (who has been sent to crack
some nuts in preparation for Mrs.
Blanks little dinner party to be held
during the evening, enters with few
badly cracked upon the plate) Am
inuauc, Mlssus Blank, DIN break me
lathe a-crackin' any more of thin nuts.
Life.
john" she said, as she entered his
Office one day and shifted suspiciously;
Il thought you had promised never to
drink again" "My DEAR" he replied,
deprecatingly, your suspicious are un-
| just. | have just had call from a
| Chicago Alderman" 'Ah, that ex.
PLAINS it. Forgive me, John =
Rambler.
a see, said Stubs, ''that DIR. Mich.
ael Foster tells the British Association
that smoking tobacco produces defec-
tive vision; do you believe itp'' 20,
am sure of it, replied Mrs. S., ''for !
saw Your friend Butts last evening puff
ing away, quite unconscious that there
were several ladies in the room. p
Boston Transcript
Fogg went to see old man Henderson
the other day. Henderson exhibited his
art treasures. "A fine old master"
said Fogg. stopping before a big paint
ing. ''Old master be blowed!" cxclaim-
ed Henderson, Indignantly. mo chest
nut about that. That's brand new. ]
can swear to that, for | got it home be-
fore it was half dry"
Husband Ito noble theatrical mana
ger)-I-I-beg p-pardon, sir, but may
| see my wife tomorrow for five min
utesp Noble manager-To-morro
All, let me see-no. guess not, for to-
morrow she must take her afternoon
drive in the park. Perhaps the next
day, but Qrowning), remember, for five
minutes only Graphic.
Summer sojourner to Saratoga trades
man-"What on earth do you do here
all winter after robbing visitors during
the summer months? | should think
you would die from want of excitement
Saratoga tradesman-"O no; we man
age to keep things fairly alive after you
city folks get away from US" "You do,
eh. And how?" by robbing one
another. "-LoUeU Citizen.
Physician am afraid, Mrs. Quick
money, that there is some trouble with
your bronchial organ. Mrs. Quick.
money (alarmedD Bronchial organf
Physician-Yes. Mrs Quickmoney-
Why, never heard it called that before
but am sure if you heard my daugh-
ter play on it you would be convinced
that it is all right Graphic.
The story is told by Boston news.
paper of n country parson who, with
that tact that distinguishes some per.
sons, said 10 the local tailor: when
want good coat goto Boston. That's
the place. BY the way, do you ever &C
to church, oh, yes" ''Where?'
well, when | want to hear a good SER
mon | 60 to Boston. That's the place =
II understand you have had row
with Robinson. Cublcigh?' ..Yaas, O
yaas." "What was it about?' "HC
called me an avs. don't chew know,
and threatened to pull my nose, bay
Jawve!' We'll. you didn't let him,
hope?' No. saw. did not But ht
was so dayvelish fawst was afraid
would have to. till he sprained his ankle
and had TO so home in a hanson.