The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1886-02-06
A BACHELORS TRIALS.
one OF the Fraternity Tells All About His
Sorrows and TribuIatlons.


pride themselves on being unmarried,
because they know that they will be
married just as soon as they really
want to. Unfortunately for me, that
is not my fix. 1 have overstepped the
limit and my chances of matrimonial
alliance are now very sim ones.
may get married; 1 may also pick
The single black bean out of a bushel
sack OF white ones with my eyes closed.
One as likely as the other.
Am complaining? No, it don't do
any good to complain; but l want to
let some of the troubles of bachelor
LIE be known, that charitably inclined
people all over the face of the earth
will try to make the lot of some poor,
miserable cuss of q bachelor little
easier. If do this l shall have done
some good
The life of bachelor is a nice, quiet
life-undisturbed by family ties, chill
dren and other cares that worry his
married brother; but almost every
bachelor on this earth would accept
the cares and term them them bless
ings.
bachelors room is very often cosy
and comfortable; oftener otherwise. 1t
will often be found furnished luxuri-
ously and arranged tastefully; oftener
1t will be found furnished niggardly
.and,as completely disarranged as if a
lfuR.hedged cyclone had superintendent
its arrangement.
The contents of bachelors apart
ment are only equaled by the exhibit
ton IN a museum. You will find al
mostanything you call for; but if you
wantto sew button on shirt bosom,
the button that will be seen, you can
find only the black thread; while if the
button is needed on black vest the
only thiead that will unearth itself is
as white as the driven snow. Bache-
Tors used to such little annoy
.ances as this pay no atten-
ton to such accidental perver-
sity on the part ofthe thread, they only
wonder then what on earth has become
of all the needless Say it is white
shirt needing the button l have the
thread, but it's blaek; well, I'm in a
hurry, so if l only had the needle, a
little white chalk would hide the black
ness of the thread for Tonight. Say it's
the black vest that is buttonless, and
the thread happens to be white; well,
thank goodness, my ink bottle will so
+discolor the whiteness of the thread
that the man who nndeit would think
he turned it out black. But all this
don't bring up that needle; yesterday.
while hunting up my extra collar but.
ton, l saw needles enough to run a
family year. Well, I'm in a hurry,
guess I'll have to pin it again.
Thus muses. the poor bachelor; and
cursing his fate, he finds pin and is
gone. How happy he would be if some
woman would take him in charge; but
no, he has put it off too long, and now
he is too settled in his habits to even
think of a change in his life except
occasionally to brood over it as one OF
the impossibilities.
A bachelor has sometimes q happy
beam falling across his path when he
visits some lady friends, and after
leaving he feels slight hope Juggling
at his heart strings that all chances are
not yet gone; but he goes on with his
life and his way of living and the sun
shine gradually shuts itself from out
his heart.
Once in awhile some old-time chum,
now married and happy husband and
father, insists on his leaving his
restaurant dinner for one day and
dining with him in his family circle.
The bachelor enjoys this. He hangs
out against going at first; but when he
sees the little chaps Chamber to the
fathers knee, and watches the beam of
pride in the fathers eyes as he kisses
each chubby cheek, he is real glad that
Bob was kind enough to ask him,
and hopes to have many dinners with
Bob-detcrmine when the little ones
become familiar enough to approach
and kiss him, that he will cultivate Bob
more than he has done. He is ticEled
at the childish wonder with which the
little rosy-faced ones gaze at him, and
he is tempted to tell them that he is
their uncle, that he may worm himself
into their good graces the easier. He
remembers a lot of advertising pictures
he stuffed into his pocket day or two
since; they are brought out and one by
one the children are bribed to his knee.
Bob's wife is nice, gentle body, very
domestic, and model wife, whom Bob
loves devotedly, and who loves Bob to
distraction. Bob don't say so, but you
can see it. He has pleasant time and a
real nice dinner Not so varied, posi-
bly,, as the one he left untasted at the
restaurant, but so much more palatable.
He thinks that he hasn't enjoyed a
dinner before in ever SO long, and is
really sorry he must go, but he must
He has chatted with Bob and his wife
and babies, through two of Bob S cigars,
and now he must turn his back on this
cheerful family circle and get back to
his bachelor den.
Truly, tonight it is more OF a den
than ever before cold, bleak and so
cheerless. Mr.. Bachelor thinks for
awhile, then goes to bed, lies awake for
an hour thinking of Bob's happiness,
and of his own unhappiness, and Won
ders if he should marry would his home
be equally as happy. Would itP There's
the doubt, the uncertainty-he's free
now, why not remain SO?
Then disguised and disgruntled he
determines that he will never again go
to Bob's, for this visit has almost unset
tled him, and surely made him envious.
No, he'll endure his lot Then in his
sleep, Bob and Bob's happiness, as well
as his own misery, are forgotten.
N