The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, 1886-03-23

evening. / wanted to invite you, but
ma-she is so very anxious not to give
anybody any trouble-ma was afraid
that"
ooh, no trouble ut all, I assure you,
Miss Muffin" eagerly intcrposed Soft
ley. sIt will be a positive pleasure to
me to bring my violin"
"Ye-e-s-that's what ma was afraid
of."-Drake's Magazine.
COMMERCIAL ITEM.
store, but on Sunday afternoon mounted
might be a member of Congress. He
was putting on more than usual dignity
and grace, for there were several ladies
on the sidewalk admiring him. He was
satisfied in his mind that he was Great
ing a great impression when q small boy
on the sidewalk called OUT: 'IIey!"
He looked around. So did the ladies.
81 say, Mister, "continucd the boy, 'last
night you only gave me five candles for
a quartcr-l onghter got six. "-Itras
Sittings.
A DANGEROUS PAsTIME.
"Isn't it against the rules to touch
the animals in the ~mcnagcrie, MAI"
asked Bobby.
81 believe so" was the reply
can dangerous, too, amt id"
"Oh, yes"
"Well pa had better look out then.
I heard Mr.. Smith tell him hat if he
didn't quit pulling the tail of the tiger
he'd be sorry for it,"
A RAPID TRANSIT.
GLOW long did it take you to cross
the ocean?" asked Gus De Smith of a
very a~ristocratic lady who had just re-
turned from Europe.
81 was seven days on the water"
"Scvcn days! Why, when my brother
went across it took him eight days"
"Probably your brother went over in
the Storage. ] was n first cabin pas
sengcr," she replied proudly. \
sEAsoNABLE ADVICE.
Don't let the door stand open, but shut it with
much care,
Without a bang, without a whang, yes. shut it
Without a slam, without a jam, without a slat
or jerk,
For if you've left it open, go shut it, and don't
shirk.
No Christian man or woman, no well-trained
chick or child,
Wil.let a door swing idly, to make weak nerves
run wild,
When chilly winds are ~blowing-and some one
taking cold
While the open door is creaking and muttering
like a scold.
Haste makes but waste, remember, 80 plenty
take of time;
Don't leave the door half open-a fault almost
a crime
And if you've ever done this, don't do so any
more;
Whatever else you fail to do, don't fail to Shut
the Door.
Good Housekeeping.
A BAD SPELL
II an 8 and i and an o and a u, with en- K at
end spell "Su,"
And an Q and a y and an e spell "i,"pray what
Is a speller TO do?
Then If also an 8 and an i and a g and an
h Q d spel ''cide,"
There's nothing much loft for a speller to do
but to go and commit Siouxeyesighed.
Chicago Nears-
o AND DAsHEs
"MAMMA, why is papa baldY' 81 am
his fourth wife, daring"
Eff dar is a place O. torment fur amer
mails, de balky boss is gwine dar.
CIGARETTES never hurt good little
boys, because good little boys never
hurt cigarettes-bv burning them.
EYES, SIR" said White, "experience
makes fools wise" "Think so?" said
Black; ''then you've never had any ex-
pcrience."
"Too MUcnE bym-by' was the ex-
pressive way III which Il Chinaman in
formed n matchmaker that his watch
was going too fast.
TRYING to do business without adver-
Using is like w'nking at a girl in the
dark. You may know what you arc
doing, but noboG: else does.
"WHAT is a sinking fund.-" asked
Rollo. 81 Think" said his father, at
must be something like your uncle
Georges salary. understand the house
for which he travels has dropped it
another 10 per cent. this year."
"YoU are kept pretty busy nova
days, remarked n stranger to Mrs. Sim
mons, whose husband has a ranch on
Onion Greek. eyes, hardly got time to
turn around. There is always some
thing to keep one busy. If it amt the
cows, it's the sheep; if it amt the sheep,
it's the pigs, and if it amt the pigs,
it's the chilren."
"WHAT are all these gentlemen in
scarlet coats, mamma" ''That is a
Hunt dear; the gentlemen are hunt
ers." "What do they huntY' "Foxes
and breakfasts and suppers." "Do they
ever catch any?" Oh, tons and tons of
them" "Foxcs, l mean2" s'No, dar-
ling. They never catch any foxes.
They are too busy"
Paying q Big Price.
A Broadway car, crowded with peo-