Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-09-12
THE SENATOR'S DINNER.
lie Got a'GoOd One hut 1t Was by a Haz-
ardous Experiment.

ArkdRSug Trareker.
Its only about twice u year, " remarked
State Senator William f. Mason the Other
day to an ArkaRSaIr Tfareler reporter that
Pm smart enough to fool my wife. Last
Monday l played q trick that ought to
serve as a capital suggestion for other hus,
bands to conduct operations on. Along
abort 4 o'clock in the afternoon 1 began to
get faint and hungry; l had been working
hard all day and was as famished and as
tagged rs a hunted wolf. As l sat in my
office chair wondering what l was going to
find for dinner when / got home, and an
entirely new and m~arvellously brilliant
idea flashed upon me. 1t broke upon my
intellect much rs 4 stray plank dances be-
fore the vision of 4 drowning man. 1t
made my mouth fairly water rs it develop
Ell its details in my greedy brain. made
q bee-line for the telephone and called the
central office.
Give me $500 said /, and then |
chuckled all over and my mouth kept on
watering.
"'Bur-r-r' went the telephone. 1 put
my mouth to the funnel, and in u shrill,
falsettO voice, asked:
lis that Senator MasOn's house,
YES came the answer, and | recOg-
nized my wife at the other end Of the wire.
"'Is the senator at hOme?' l asked the
same feminine voice.
= No was the reply.
"'Well, then, is Mrs. Mason there?' l
inquired.
Yes, l am Mrs. Mason MAS the an
Swer.
"'Oh, is that yon?:' | cried; how do you
dO?'
why, how do you dO?' responded my
wife; but | knew by her tones that she
hadn't the remotest idea whom she was
talking to.
How are all the children" | asked.
They are all very WELL said wife.
"'Well,' said |, L happened to he in
town shopping to-day and | thought I'd
20 over to your house to dinner
Well, that sort of staggered my wife.
She mustered up voice enough to ask:
WHO are your
Then l answered:
"'Why don't you recognize the voice:
Pm Mrs. Myayahn
~ don't catch the name-SpeaG louder"
she pleaded.
Mrs. Mya-yah" l repeated, and with
that, in order to preclude all embarrassing
complications, / shut off the telephone as
tight rs | could. Then l threw myself
into a chair and laughed till like to went
into apOplexy. Laugh? Well, you ought
TO have seen the plastering fall around me!
But, to make n long story short, | reached
home about 5:45, and OF all the dinners |
ever clapped eyes On-goSh! it was a BAN
quet. Wife had her new black silk dress
ON. and she had slicked the children up 50
that | could hardly identify them.
IL think we'd better wait dinner awhile,
dear said wife.
why so?' l asked. Bless you, I'm
~ hungry ~ an alligator
Then wife told me she was expecting u
lady guest, and she repeated the details OF
the telephone in the afternoon. 1t was II
fearful ordeal, but | managed to look in
nocent, and of course | wondered who the
lady could he.
Indeed, | don't know said wife, but
her voice was strangely familiar. Eve
been pulling myself to death trying to
guess who it was
well, we waited fifteen minutes and
then sat down tO the bauquet-and a royal
feast it was. We had soup and fish and Il
big roast, and u dozen little side dishes,
and wife sent out and bought a gallon Of
pink ice cream and u frosted cake for deS-
Sert. | stood it just us long rs | could.
When it came to thick Ice cream | couldn't
stand il any longer. As | was slicing 1t oil
| looked mt my wife kind OF sideways and
said in talSettO voice:
My dear, I'm sorry Mrs. Mya-yah
didn't come
Wife dropped her Dresden china cup rs
il she'd been p~aralyZed.
William f. MasOn-you brute she
gasped. ,
1.-THE children enjoyed the jokcas much
as | did-yes, and wife too, got to laugh
inc about it afer n while. Our boy Louis
said: DO it again, pa; it's mighty jolly
to have big dinner once in 4 while.
But look here, YOU reporter, You aren''
taking notes on me. Come, come, now
that's not right; you mustn't tell the story
on me. Put it on somebody else-put n
ON Bill Campbell"