Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1886-09-03
THE OLD MAIDCIUR.
4 Hilarious Time at a Picnic at Which No Man
Was Allowed TO Be Present.

hundred coats-of-arms. as the lordly
Tennyson so confdentialy asserts. what
are ten single maidens away beyond their
bloom worth? Who shall count up the
coa.s-of-arms that ten genuine old maids
could be exchanged fors And having
figured out the number how is anybody TO
make the exchange? If there were only
some way TO do this, says The New York
World, man in seach of armorial bear
lngs for his family or a crest for his car
rage, could have gotten more coats-of
arms at Glen island yesterday than he
could carry home on the big boat. This
is how it was. The Old Maids club, of
White Plains, had picnic there. They
came all the way from their vlllage-more
than ten miles-in stage. Not man
was with them, except of course the driv-
er, and he was so old that he didn't
count. They boast from the freedom
that thrill horrid man has over the sex.
and don't care any more for the common
trousered creature than Chatham street
does for bargains or pawn shops. The
young men of the village did not render
to them that devotion that belongs by
right to the fair, so they in retaliation
founded this club, determined to have fun
all by themselves. So no man is permit
NeNA w SSAAO ASdl tAAS GlUu
That Is how it was prior to their last
picnic. Then Mr.. Harry Wall, a clerk at
the Windsor hotel, was taken along as
guest. He had been visiting one of the
members, and the whole club took him UP.
determined to do the right thing by him
Just for once to see whot effect kindness
and square meal would have on the male
mind. 1t bankrupted the treasury and
Mr. Mall haSalN- ant no y,
nine old maids scolded the tenth. and they
had to take up another collection for yes
terday's affair.
1t is hard for simple man, though
backed by the deepest ink-weu that ever
blackcned desk, to tell of a picture as
it should be told. How can cold type
picture the way Miss Dunn drank tea
from stone jug, or how the dimples
chased each other across the vice presi-
dents pretty face; what mere man can
draw the line btcween that 17-year-old
maid, whose red, red lips would tempt the
LATEST lounger that ever smoked cigar
miles to see, and that rarer one whose
harsh expression would serve well to
crack Ice wlthb And the costumes, too
all alike, combination of awning cloth
with an alternate stripe of red and white
need other than a hOrrid mans words.
OF the trip through the woods and over
the lovely hills that roll between White
Plains and Glen island any man can tell.
The comfortable stage, loaded with the
ten Old-maid members of the club and five
invited guests seemed the cosiest place in
the world. The stupidest man that ever
looked upon Il l7-year old maid could see
how delightful it was to sit beside her
with arms around each others waists, Just
as they sat all through the three hours
ride. And if the girls did not enjoy it
they must be hard to satisfy. ANY man
would have been glad to change places
with half of them.
When, at noon, they reached the picnic
| grounds and opened up their lunch, it was
painful to see how much better they Jared
with no rude creature present to ask for
solid food. Each member had been
pledged to bring what she liked, and when
the contents of the basket were spread
out the table was loaded somewhat like
this:
1l2dozen lemons.
10 stone jugs of tea, already prepared
with milk and sweetened.
, glasses Jelly.
packages mixed cake.
pies.
l sandwich The owner afterward
apologized and said it got in by mistake.)
1l9 pickles.
Jelly, cake, cream, and sundries
After solemnly disposing of the lunch
washing the dishes twice and their hands
three times, the club set out with wild en-
thusiasm to have fun in real earnest.
They walked about the Island and came
back, and then they came back the other
way and crossed over and went around
again. Miss Dunn took Il green apple
and played ball with a little boy in knick-
erbockers. She can throw like a man and
sent the balls in with vigor and accuracy
that BODIED i'll for any wicked boy who
come within spanking distance of that
trained arm. The club applauded, and
then they walked around the Island and
came back. 1t was really hilarious sort
of enjoyment, and after they had return
ed somebody proposed another trip
around, and they went once more.
Meanwhile, a humble newspaper man
craved speech with pretty miss who had
no more right to call herself an old maid
than he had. But her companions and
fellow members, installing the rash in
truder for a lordly william, swooped down
upon ner and bore her off in triumph.
WheredJ Il man Win q boil on his nose,
laughed.
Then they all walked around the island
and came back.
If the Old Maids club were to be divid-
ed, half the members could retain the
club name and the other half could start
a Pretty Girls club. 1t is said that the
pretty misses are let in as a kind of bal
ance wheel to keep the milk from sour
ing when they go out. But all in all it is
a pretty, lady-ike association. The
Misses Louise and Birdie Stainach have a
real count for a father, but in ,pite of
this President Eliza Dunn and Treasurer
Ella Cummings boss the club.
After the club returned from a stroll
some rude boys cried rats" at the striped
dresses, and frightened the ladies so all of
them started out for a walk around the
island and back.
Then, after more fun, Just like that they
had been enjoying all day, they took up
their baskets and started for the home
stage while the chimes in the tower were
telling other visitors that it was only 3
o'clock.
If any horrid man wants to know what
real enjoyment is, what it means to have
a bowling good time, he should see the
Old Maids club walk around Glen island
and come back.