The Irish standard., 1886-11-27
IS STANDARD" B BREVITIES.

II r . - 81 ~ + t t-
A designing man-The architect.
Large revolyers-T The earth and moon
A cool base bali player--The ice
pitcher.
The motto OF the sheriff: Hold fast
that which is good.
Question Of the chiropodist: do
you acknowledge the comp
Some things are most valuable when
they are upside down. a igure 6. for
instance.
An anarchist at Chicago is na.ued So
kup. That's what they all do when
they have q chance.
A live Charleston Is: CO. merchant
heads his advertisement as follows:
EartLuuake Prices. Shake 'em DOWn!'
The paragraphers are saying That
philadelphia and Charleston can fra
ternize now. as they are both "Quaker
cities"
"A new through sleeping car from
.New York to San Francisco is 60 he
called Kindness. because kindness goes
a long ways
A. Chicago woman's hair turned from
deep black to yellow blonde in a single
day. bat she had sWapped wigs; that
was all
Suicides by drowning are not SO ire
auent in this city as they used to be.
We fear that our river facilities aEe not
properly Appreciated
More than 4,O0O coupiers have been
patented iii this country, and yet there
are hundreds Of thousands Of men anti
women not yet hitched.
The legal tender question has not
seen settled, and probably never will be
III some respects. But when your wife
kisses YOU to get money. isn't that legal
tenderness?
IL correspondent writes: II alu in
oye with q young lady, but too bashful
IL; propose. VINO can help me ont?'
we should say her father could that is,
If you happen 10 stay too late.
Small coins are said to be coming
into prominence. We are glad to Lear
it. Heretofore they have had a mean
kind of way OF getting down in one coz
aer or your vest pocket and staying
there.
We learn from "a California paper
that q poet ia that part OF the coun JIy
has Just killed his uncle. We suppnse
that; he fred three balls at him, But it
is seldom we hear of q poet numbering
ANYTHING but The English language.
A downtown druggist has parrot;
that he has taught to say: ''What
pretty grill" whenever woman young
OF oltl, enters his store; and they say
that q poor weak nan can hardly get
into the store 70 buy asscigar on a fine
afternoon.
Two little boys were discussing The
strength Of bee. ''l1e can pull more'n
Hy,'' said cue OF them. ''Well," said
tie other, II dunno how much he Can
pull, but when he backs UP to you and
pushes, | guess you'll fall back, every
tinle.''
'':Fust throw mc half dozen OF the
biggest Of those trout" said citizen
to q fish dealer ''rhrow thenl?'
auerled the dealer. Eyes, and then III!
go home and tell my wife that ! caught
'em | may beaa poor fisherman, but
Pm no liar.''
'Snits Pressed with Neatness aud
Dispatch is what the advertisement
read, and a distracted young lover there
and then determined to give them q
job, tor he said: II have pressed my
suit night and day for three long years:
and Susan is no nearer excepting me
now than when I began
Mrs. Eliza Wheeler Of Sag Harbor
nagged her husband until he ran out
and jumped into the family we'll and
was drowned, and the coroner's jury
remarked in their verdict: I'VE are
sorry to say this evil is On the increase
and we earnestly recommend the enact
ment OF some law which will check it, -
The remark OF Chief Justice Comegys
III the trial Of the prize fighters that he
''could not see what right the Marquis
Of Queensbuiy had to make rules re
minds us Of the poor man who, on
being told that his trouble was Bright
disease said: "Weli l think there ought
to be some law to punish a man that
makes disease like this y
New York Mamma: :Oh. yes, indeed
.Algernon is getting on splendidly Oh
the stage" Friend: What did he
say when he wrote last?" New York
Mammal: " I ou will excuse the pardon
able pride Of the dear boy when tell
YOU he stated be was On his uppers."