davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1886-03-12
Raceti@.

Bogus butter-A goat without horns
"Time will tell. is All old saying. So
will u woman.
distinguishing o lamp is like q small
supper i: it is light blowout
Have you tried Mrs. Browns kisses:"
is the startling query in the window OF
sn uptown candy shop.
It must be ad nittel that scandals are
usually caused by pretty girls. but this
doesn't console the homely ones
It is all we'll enough to preach "peace
on earth and good will to men" but no
man can feel that way with boil on his
nose.
A great deal has been written about
learning to say mo" If you would
teach man to say no, Just ask him il
he would like to pay that little bill to-
day."
Mankind is ever intensely egotistical."
remal ket Miss Jones. Why ?"
queried Miss Brown. Because they
have even ended our prayers with
R-men."
A little Delaware girl was compelled
to don dress to which she took excep-
tons. For long time she snt moping,
never saying word. whats the
matter. dear ?" asked her mother. "Oh.
believe this dress makes me bilious"
At negro wedding, when the minis
ter read the words, Glove, honor and
obey" the groom interrupted him and
said: Read dat again, sab; read dat
wunce mo, so lie lady kin ketch de full
solemnity of de meanin'. Use been
married befo'"
A little girl, aged nine. called her
father to her bedside the other evening
Papa" said the little diplomat, II
want to ask your advice" "Well, my
little dear, what is it about?" "What
do you think it will be best to give me
on my birthday?"
Mamma said little girl who stood
before the show window of oil art store.
"don't angels ever wear pretty hats?'
"No, my dear" "Nor nice new dresses?"
"No." Nor ribbons nor things?"
"Never." "Then, mamma, l don't
want to be an angel"
The price OF real estate Was under dis
cussion ct the club when one gentle
man remarked: Jones, old boy. I
know where you can buy just the incest
little home, splendid cottage, grand
fruit trees, and all that. for song"
just my luck" said Jones :" I can't
sing o no e."
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1886-03-12
A FABLE.

At meeting Of the farm animals the
dude onos attempted to provo his rela.
Gonship to the jackass.
"Why." he said, vainly. "iust look
ct my earsl We must be nearly re-
lated" .
True, returned the jackass, "you
may be degenerated mule but though
I have often heard men call you a jack
ass, they have never yet insulted me by
calling me dude"
At this speech the other animals burst
into laughter and the crestfallen dude
skunk silently away.
Moral: This fable teaches us that m
ordinary mortal should not attempt to
claim the acquaintance of hotel clerk.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1886-03-12
JOSH BILLINGS DOG.

A story is told Of the humorist being
thrown on one occasion among batch
OF students in q country town near New
Haven. He was tramping along with
rusty yellow dog, and entered the bar
room of hotel for some refreshments.
A group of Yale lads Glanced to be
there on q frolic, and Immediately inter-
viewed Billings. whom they CIV. lently
mistook for some farmer They
inquired with affected intere st after the
health of his wife and children, and
Josh, with counterfeited simplicity,
gave them q graphic account of his
family and farm.
"Ofcourse you belong to the church ?"
asked Que of the boys
"Yes, the Lord be praised, and my
father and grandfather before me-"
"Now. suppose you would not tell
ie2" said one of the students.
"Not for the world"
"What will you take for that dog ?"
pointing to Josh's cur, which was
crouching beneath his chair.
II won't take twenty dollars for that
dog"
Twenty dollars! Why. he's not
worth twenty cents"
II assure you would not AXE twenty
dollars for him."
Come, my FRIEND" said the student,
who. with his companions, was bent on
having some fun with the old man.
SNOW you say you won't tell lie for
the world. Let me see if you will not
do it for twenty dollars. I'll give you
twenty dollars for your dog"
"Ill not take it.
You will not ? Here let me see if
this will not tempt you to lie" added
the student, producing small bag OF
half-dollars which he built up into small
piles on the table. Josh was sitting by
the table with his hat in his hand,
apparently unconc rned. "There,"
added the student, "there are twenty
dollars, all i'll silver; will give you
shat for the animal"
Josh quietly raised his hat to the
edge Of the table, and as quick rs
thought scraped all the money into it
except one half-dollar, and then he
exclaimed:
II won't take your twenty dollars
Nineteen and half is as much as that
dog is worth he is your property"
A tremendous shout from his fellow
students clearly showed the would-be
wag that he was completely sold. and
that he need not look for sympathy
from that quarter. SO he good-nature.lly
acknowledged himself beaten.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1886-03-12

The other evening there we re several
visitors ut Colonel Gradsons house.
The colonel takes great delight in
"showing off" his little son.
He is fine little fellow" said Mrs.
Graftney, one of the visitors. "Come
here, my little mpn."
The boy approached her and per-
mitted her to lift him on to her lap.
why, you are heavy. How old are
your"
six years, go n ON seven"
eyes, and you II soou be man.
What are you going to do when you
become 8 man?'
"Do like pa does"
"How does he do ?"
ooh. sometimes when he comes
at night he falls over chair, and when
NAV gifts mad he says it's a pretty way
for woman to go Oh just because q
man talk 8 two beers and"
But the colonel had seized the youth.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1886-03-12
THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN PEAK,

When Mr.. W. w. Graham, the Eng
fish mountaineer, was in the Himalaya
region he noticed two peaks north of
Mount Everest now regarded as the
highest noun tains on the globe, which
appeared to him to be still loftier than
that summit More recently 'wo men,
bers of the Survey Department of the
Government of India, observed four or
Ave peaks in the same distr CT which
they think may possibly be as high or
higher than Mount Everest Lord
Aberdare, however, the retiring Presi-
dent of the Royal Geographical Society
Of London. is of opinion that the supre-
macy of Mount Everest go O02 feet) will
not be effectually disputed until The
frontier ranges of Nepaul and Thibit
are thrown open to Observation-Disclosures
by competent surveyors.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1886-03-12
Tho silver Lining.

There's never day 80 sunny
But y little cloud appears
There's never y life 30 happy
But has had its time Of tears:
Yet the sun shines out the brighter
When the stormy tempest ciears.
There's never a garden growing
With rose in every pot;
There's never y heart SO hardened
But 1t has one tender spot;
We have only to prune the border
To and the forget-me not.
There's never . cup so pleasant
But has bitter with its sweet:
There's never path so rugged
That bears not the print Of feet:
Aud We have helper promised
For the trials we may meet.
There's never sun that rises
But we know 'twl set at night:
The tints that CLEAN in the morning
A: evening are just as bright;
And the hour that is the sweetest
Is between the dark and light.
Ticre's never Il dream that's happy
But the walk ny makes us sad;
There's never Il di cam of sorrow
But the waking makes us glad:
We shat, look some day with wonder
Al the troubles we have had.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1886-03-12
CORN AND CORNS

II see by the paper that in Kansas
the yield of corn is forty to the acre.
Isn't that rather remarkable ?"
mot at all; only it seems to me that
item is upside down"
Upside down."
Eyes. My experience is that the
yield is about forty achers to tho corn.
Get off my foot, please"
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1886-03-12
HE HAD HIS WEIGH.

A Maine farmer had o wife who
declared she would never be weighed
One d0y, when she was in the wagon.
he drove his team on the hay scales and
had the whole thing weighed without
his wife knowing what was going on.
Then he afterward came back and had
the team weighed without his wife
and found it just 225 pounds lighter.
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04

THE INNER LIFE. Thoughts and
Themes to Aid and Strengthen It. BY
Rev. John G.. Adams, DID. 16mo. 14S
pages. so cents.
The sinner Life might be termed a
manual of devotion. 1t is pervaded from
beginning to end with the high devotion
al spirit of the Christian believer The
several chapters read like psalms of
praise; they are incentives to holy living
and are glowing with tine ardor of Chris.
tan faith. The prayer and experiences
of David and the benefit of prayer are
first considered. The Sunday Christian
service, daily observances, and study of
the Scripture are the subjects of further
teachings; and the earnestness, pure tone
and clear, simple style of the author make
them impressive and helpful. The Secret
ofSpiritual Life is fine chapter in book
that every devout mind will find full of
spiritual truths. Address orders to Uni
versalist Publishing House, Western
Branch, Chicago.
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04
* Ia, k1Akt X

WHO IS UNAcoUAMrEo WITH THE GEOGRAPHY OF THIS
ooIIN1RY Will SEE BY EXAMINING his MAP Thai ThE
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04

neighboring flock. so direct my birds
that they will, by nnan@uvering, capture
birds from neighboring cote, in which
case the owner has to pay for the captur-
ed bird, or the ceptor wins prize. In
olden times these battles were carried on
with great cruelty. Thus bottle or
flask of powder with fuse was attached
to trained bird that dashed into
neighboring flock, where the torpedo
would explode, killing large numbers Of
the birds. This is all now done away
with, and the captures are all made in
pleasantly"
The science of pigeon flying is not
confined to Italy alone, as in nearly all
the cities of northern India it has been
carried on from the earliest times, and
in the old histories of India there are
pictures and descriptions tending to show
that it was first brought there from some
country in northeastern Asia.-Harper's
Young People.
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04
ANSWERS in two weeks.)
ANSWERS.

ELY AND THOMAS'S DISCUSSION
A Series of Letters between Ezra Styles
Ely, d. D., and Rev. Abel @. Thomas.
18mo. 286 pages. 80 cents.
This volume is well known. It has
passed through many editions and has
been styled "The Favorite Discussion.
In a series of letters, brief, compact and
comprehensive, Ely and Thomas dis
used the great question Of human des-
tiny. DR.. Ely was Presbyterian and a
prominent man in the Presbyterian
church. He was a clear and able rea-
soner, and an eloquent divine. MIR.
Thomas met the argument at every turn
and achieved an early renown by his con-
duct of the debate. Those who wish to
see Universalism presented in discus
sion, and in contrast with the opposite
view, are recommended TO read Ely and
Thomas. Address orders to Universalist
Publishing House, Western Branch, Chi
cago
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04
A NEW WONDER

is not often recorded, but those who write
to Hallett & Co., Portland, Me-, will learn
of genuine one. You can earn from S.
to 1926 and upwards day. You can do
the work and live at home, wherever you
are located. Full particulars will be sent
you free. Some have earned over $50 a
day. Capital not needed. You are start
ed in business free. Both sexes. All
ages. Immense profits sure for those who
start at once. Your first act should be
to write for particulars.
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04
The Late William BARNES. the 81

The late William Barnes, the 'Dor-
setshire poet, used to tell of little boy
whom he found one day in a village
school, and who had written the word
'psalm" in his copy book and then acct
dentally blotted out the initial "p" with
his sleeve. His little sister at his side
was in tears at the disaster, but the nat
ural born spelling refoImer defiantly ex.
claimed: "What if l did scrope of en- out?
He didn't spell naught, and what was
the good Of eu?"
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04

5. A prophet.
6. A place mentioned only in III Kings.
7. A place in the Arabian desert.
s. A place mentioned by Sennacherib
.. A rong city.
10. A city of Naphtsi.
IL. A river.
IL. A place mentioned only in Numbers,
10. A prophet.
IA. city of Phenicia.
Is. A son of Heman.
The initials should teach us not to fear man.
ANSWERS in two weeks.)
ANSWERS.
8i.-Concord,
85.-Let not your heart be troubled; ye be.
lieve in God; believe also in me.
SOB A r ID
AREA
REAR
ID A II B
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04
ss.-BIBLICAL ENIGMA.

Composed of 123 letters,
My 8. Il9, Is. 81, 81 2, 40, IL, II, 22 u.s. was
the grandson of Saul.
My IS, 5. 80, 100, 80, is a piece of Jewish
money.
My 95 A. 63. "a, 49, IL, 49, 3d. II. g. 81, 10, is a
book in the Bible.
My 70. IOl, 1O4 5s TO- OIL. Ill. 26, 49, II, 80, is
request with authority,
My 49, 81, III. 49, a. 1906; 40. 121 81, SO, 81, So;
ITO, 80, 49, g. 1903, 20, 95, 49, are three of the
tribes of Israel.
My 40. 70, SO. 119. 40. 3d. 81 49, so. Q. is an en-
ticement to evil.
My So, IS, 10. 80, ss, is word that expresses
fatigue.
My24, 1s. 49, 48, II, o. 49, 8; ll9, &c. 68 10. SO,
8, To- 49, IO5 "a; TO- 20 As, As, S. 49, go III,
So, AZ, are the three things which God has
given US.
My Al, IS. 49, ST. liz, Is, ST. 10, 80, is feigning
to be what one is not.
My 81, s. rs, Is; 50. 81, I; 30, 8, 102 81, l, are
three things which Christ says he is.
My rs, g. 40 ia, II, 26, $, II, SO, is witness,
proof of some fact.
My Il0. "A, 80. g. 81, 40, 10. q; 49, 81, ~. Ill,
IO2. 81, IS, lO7. are two religious Jewish sects.
My 50. 76, So. 81, is a song in honor of God.l
My 81, II. lis. %, los, 81, ST, 10, is a country
north of Galatia.
My 81, 80, TO- Is, 81, liz, 9s, IS A, is preposi.
ton often used in the Bible.
My 100, 81, 95, IS, is to be complete, perfect.
My whole is passage from Isaiah.
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04
STOP AND READ BEFORE YOU LOCATE
Splendid Chance Help a City.


II o
actre
flor
81
r. N 70
6 Ai0ar Fails, !,uROt
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04
a.-BIBLE ACROsrIC.

bY.-BI BILE ACHUoIIU.
l. A point near Samos.
2. A wicked king.
3. The father of Hushah.
4, A Manassite.
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04
OUR RURAL HOMES.
UNPARALLELED OFFER

5s.Oo FOR ONLY SO CENTS.
N ORDER TO INCREASE OUR CIRCULATION TO
5U,00O at once, we make this great offer;
Johnson's Poultry Book for Pleasure and Prof
it, price 25c. Kendalrs Book, Horses and his
Diseases, price 25c. $l.00 worth of choice
Garden Seeds, including ten packages of the
best varieties, and Our Rural Homes one year
SOC. We desire to have our paper reach the
homes of all interested farmers and make this
inducement for our coming volume. Address
OUR RURAL HOMES, IL
s'-c@ Sturgis Mich.
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04
HOES FROM PUzzLE-lAND

IAN communications relating to this depart
ment should be marked Echoes from Puzzle
land" and addressed to W. H. EASTMAN, East
Sumner, Mel
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04
s7.-CHARADE.

My first is to jostle, or crowd;
part of house is my next:
When the housewife was tending her fire,
And misplaced my whole, she was vexed
The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1886-12-04

Purify your blood, tone up the system,
and regulate the digestive organs by
taking Hoods Sarsaparilla. Sold by al
druggists.
Butte semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1886-1890, 1886-11-17
FULL CUPBOARD.

According to the report Of the Agricultu.
raj Department. Uncle Sam has q full cup.
board this year, which fact dissipates all
fears OF starvation at home. In noting
the report the New York Star uses the fol.
lowing language: 1.-The reports OF the De
partment Of Agriculture show that the late
crops have suffered from drought and frost.
Nevertheless We win have enough for the
people OF the United States to eat, to wear
and to drink, and plenty to spare to feed
the hungry, clothe thenaked and solace the
restless of other countries. OF cotton the
crop will fall little, il at all, short Of the
enormous production Of last year. OF
1886 corn We will have q yield not very far
from two billions Of bushels. We will
have to content ourselves with some
ITO. 600. 900 bushels OF potatoes, and need
not go short of hot cakes at our winter
breakfasts until we have consumed IL ,OOO,-
900 bushels of buckwheat. Horses may
commence to starve after they have masti-
Gated As, 600, 900 tons OF hay, and when
our human male population. and a happi-
" small percentage Of the female, have
ehewed, or pulled or snuffed away SOC, 0OO,-
600 pounds of tobacco, we will have to ap-
ply elsewhere for the blissful weed. These
United States are q big country of varied
climate and vastly many sorts of different
kinds of crops, and the figures of the de-
partment of agriculture can no more start
q famine than the weather bureau can con-
jure up an earthquake big enough to swal-
low the continent, or fulfill one OF Virgins
predictions"
Butte semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1886-1890, 1886-11-17

The peculiar tactics by which the Indi.
una Republicans propose to carry the
legislature OF that State is not going to
benefit them. On the contrary, it will
bring them in worse odor and disrepute
than ever. They do not aIlege that there
has been fraud in the election. They con-
fess that the Democrats have a majority
of the elected Legislators. They simdly
want to defeat the will OF the people by
raising technical bubbles. One Democrat,
who was elected to the legislature, was q
justice OF the peace, and under the Indiana
constitution a man cannot be a justice and
q member OF the legislature at the same
time. There is plenty Of time for him to
resign his Office OF justice before tie Legis-
lature convenes. But il he was disqualified,
that would not entitle his defeated oppo-
nent to take his seat in the Legislature.
The people OF that particular district have
q right to select their " representative.
And the most that could be done would
be to order a new election. But it will be
found hat even that will not be necessary.
The delegate who was elected will take his
seat, and the next Indiana Legislature will
proceed to elect a Democrat to succeed
Senator Ben. Harrison in the United
States Senate.
Butte semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1886-1890, 1886-11-17
THE TRIAL BALANCE.

The trial balance of the late election car
now be cast. In 1884 the republicans cleo.
ted 141 members Of the House. Last week
they elected 1852, A net gain of eleven. OF
these eleven gains nine can be accounted
for as follows: Six in Ohio and onei in Iowa.
seventh all, as the product of gerry manders
in those states, and two more as the bal.
ance in favor of the Republicans on party
splits in the Fourth California, Twelfth In
diana, Twenty-irst Pennsylvania and Sec
ond North Carolina districts, the Demo-
Gratis losing three and gaining one of these
contests. Thus, out of the eleven gained
by the Republicans from all causes, nine
must be eliminated from any equation bv
which it is proposed to ascertain the drift
and moment of public opinion. An
Ohio gerrymander represents nothing
but the ingenuity and unscrupulousness of
the Republican machine in that State and
the party splits recorded above are the
fruit simply of petty local a%nimosities.
Considering the contest, therefore, in it's
broad and national aspects, there we're sur
prising losses and gains on both Sides.
The Democratic losses in Virginia and Indi-
ana were not o significant than the
Republican losses in Massachusetts,, Mime.
sofa, Nebraska and New Hampshire. The |
remains that the Republican increase
developed by square contest is confined to |
seats in the House, and this a period
when past administrat ions have, with a
exception in our history, lost control
OF that body? That's all there is Of it, and
his must be a Joyous Republican soul who
find cause for qualification in the m.
shot.
Butte semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1886-1890, 1886-11-17

has had . arsat deal Of foree in the minds
of certain members of the National Legis-
lature. But a. Montana has given album.
dant evidence Of her Democracy at the last
election and as it 10 conceded Dakota is Q
Republican Territory the two could be ad-
mitted under the same act and thus the
present political status Of the United States
Senate would not be disturbed.
Aside from these considerations Montana
should be admitted. No ends II justice is
subserved by denying her statehood. And
al the Territories are no longer to be made
the harbor and refuge Of WORKOUT eastern
politicians but ON the contrary the federal
positions within the boundaries Of each
are to be filed by its own citizens they
az well be elected by it's votes as ap-
pointed by the powers at Washington.
Admit Montana.
Butte semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1886-1890, 1886-11-17

The st. Paul Globe in noting the peculiar
condition in which Bulgaria is placed, OBJ
serves that as the Bulgarian throne is like.
ly to 60 begging for ar occupant, we would
take the liberty to suggest that America
has some young blood that would gil the
bill Of an automatic prince to suit the
whims of the European powers. There is
q good deal OF princely ambition in the
Blaine family, and a crown of any sort
would be coveted by some OF the younger
sprigs Of the house. And then there is the
Gould family, where the only thing
that is lacking to complete it's claim to
aristocracy is a royal title of some kind.
The fact is, there ars several thousand
young American bloods who could be loan
Cd to Bulgaria and who never would be
missed on this side Of the water.
Butte semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1886-1890, 1886-11-17
PROSPERITY in THE SOUTH.

It has been q favorite practice with Ger
tain opposition journals to refer to the
condition of certain Southern States as
evidence Of the demoralizing tendency OF
Democracy upon the people there. Thefol.
lowing from the Memphis Appeal gives such
q clear refutation of those charges that we
give the article entire:
1T is a singular fact worthy OF note that
the Southern States which give the largest
Democratic majorities are the most pros
porous States. not only in the South but in
the Union, The Republican newspapers
and their hired correspondents in the
South have created the impression on the
northern mind that the whites are so busy
%bulldozing the negro that they have no
time to bestow on their material interests,
and that Democratic rule in the South
means desolation and ruin. But the truth
is the strongest southern Democratic
States are the most prosperous States.
The State OF Georgia is overwhelmingly
Democratic. Governor Gordon has recent
~ been elected Governor without opposi-
tiOn. She sends an unbroken Democratic
delegation to Congress, n yet Georgia is
the empire state Of the South, more prosper.
Gus than the intensely Republican States
East, North or West. The Democratic
majority in Alabama at the last election
reached nearly 100 ,OOO. The Democratic
majorities are eoloverwhelming that the
Republicans have disbanded their organ
nation. Every Congressional district
elects a Democrat to Congress. The
smallest Congressional majority is 7,OOO;
yet Alabama is known for her industrial
thrift. Emigration is locking to the State
and capital is pouring into almost every
county. North Carolina at the last State
elections, two years ago, largely increased
her Democratic majoIity, and the State is
on q boom. This increased Democratic
majority did not drive away capital. The
whole State is prosperous beyond prece.
dent. Money is pouring into the State for
investment. So it is in Mississippi,
Arkansas, and all the Southern States.
When the Southern States were ruled by
tAe Republican party capital and immigra-
ton Stunned them as they would a party
Of outlaws. In the same proportion that
the solid South becomes more solid, is the
increase in it's wealth and population.