The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1886-05-19
HIS SCALE OF PRICES"
WHAT A DAKOTA EDITOR CHARGES
FOR PUFFS.
A Graduated Scale, Beginning at
WatermelOns and Leading Up
to Turkeys-Other Notices.


to Turkeys-Other Notices.
The editor of the Estelline Dakota)
Bell humorously observes:
AS some little misunderstanding seems
to exist concerning the size of puff this
paper will give in return for favors real
or supposed we take this opportunity to
publish the following rates which take
effect from this date:
For one watermelon handed in at the
office we will say; ''Mr. Gardentruck,
our esteemed fellow townsman, presented
us last Wednesday afternoon with large
luscious watermelon of the Plymouth
Rock variety, on which the printers
feasted. May he live long and prosper" "
In case the melon proves to be green this
will be the form: Farmer Gardentruck
laid good sized melon on our table one
day this week. Thanks"
A small lot of new potatoes will call
out the following: "Uncle Abner Stub
bleplow remembers We editor just as we
go to press with most luscious looking
mess of new potatoes. We and our family
expect to revel in the fruit during the
coming week. He informs us that the
vines are doing great damage to the vines
of many Of his neighbors. Uncle, you
struck the printers in the right spot; may
your shadow never grow lessl"
When a box of cigars is left this is the
formula: "The sanctum of the Bell was
invaded last Tuesday by the genial pres
ence of Tom Liverpills, the handsome
young proprietor of the Red Front Pion-
eer Drug Store, who placed on tap full
box of choice Habanas. Here's to you,
Toni Our many readers will remember
that he has just got in full new line of
Paints, Oils, Axle Grease, Condition
Powders, Perfumery, Putty, and other
Drugs and Toilet Articles y
Green corn will produce the following
editorial effect: "Ye scribe's family has
been enjoying another luxury for the
last four days, Mrs. Deacon Churchdebt
having presented our wife with good
dozen of roasting ears. Such favors as
this are fully appreciated by yours truly
as well as by his wife and family. May
Mrs. G. meet her reward is our earnest
wish"
This for the big egg; esquire Apple
ja6s laid the largest sample of hen fruit
on our desk one day this week that we
have ever seen. He assures us that it
measures eighteen by ten feet in circum-
ference. Nextm
A bouquet will be acknowledged like
this: yesterday afternoon as We pencil
pusher was busy with an unexpected
rush of job-work who SHOULD come in but
Miss Birdie Pistolpractice, the charming
daughter of our worthy fellow citizen,
Colonel Pistolpractice. She presented
us with a beautiful bouquet of wild
flowers which she had plucked with her
own fair hands. Among the varities we
noticed fire-weed dandelion wild buck
wheat, red-top, tansy and sunfowers
1t shall remain many days to beautify
our sanctum. Our wife is also pleased
with it."
The giver of spare rib may expect
this: "Our genial and justly popular
neighbor, Major Porcine, having fire.
quently noticed the hungry look on the
printers face took occasion early Monday
morning to leave a mammoth spare rib at
our humble abode, taken from one of his
famous drove of Southdown porkers. We
and our family have accordingly been
feasting on fresh meat. By the way. we
understand that the maio will accept the
Nomination for the Legislature if it is ten
dered him. He is the man for the place. "
A turkey will inspire this; "While sit
ting in our sanctum sanctorum about II
o'clock Thursday morning reclining our
head in our hands we were greatly sur
prised as well as pleased by having Colo
mel McTough walk in with a mysterious
air and bundle under his arm. We had
just finished writing our leader found on
the first page entitled True Tariff Re-
form as Compared with Tariff Jugglery'
and felt considerable fatigue, but it was
Immediately dispelled when the hand
some colonel disclosed a large, fat tur-
key in the bundle which he assured us
was for our Thanksgiving dinner. To
say that we were pleased but family
expresses the emotions which surged
through our breast We Immediately
cllled our wife, who was even more
pleased than we. 1t is such things as
this that make life amid the exacting
cares of tile newspaper Office endurable
and causes us to keep on the editorial
harness without repining Colonel, may
Heaven reward you! 1t may not be out
of pace TO inform our many readers that
the cQlOnels friends expect tbe~ coming
Legislature to elect him to the United
States Senate. He seems to be the unan-
imous choice of our people. We predict
that he will get it on the first ballot
Gatiqfaaforv Mouav