The Washington critic., 1886-07-21
CENTRAL AND cRIrIUuLAR.


CENTRAL AND CRIrIUULAR.
Mr.. Gladstone was graduated at Eton and
till he is no eplcure.
Once upon time a good man took his
little boy o the gallery OF the House to
show him the great men Of the Nation, and
they listened eagerly to an able effort By
one Of them. When he had finished, the
father turned to the boy and put his hand
on his head.
"My son." he said, tan honest man ls the
nohlcst work OF God"
The boy looked into his fathers face with
his great earnest eyes
Papa" he inquired simply "who made
CongretsmenW
"Well," remarked a friend TO Charlie
Bebeesee this morning, "wAat are the Ma
tonals going to do this week."
"BoaL the record, OF course" replied
Charlie with infinite sarcasm.
They've got II record that they can't
bcat.n
"Well, believe that is their record"
Charities friend didn't catch on for a
minute, but when he did, he put Charlie
out at once.
Louisa NJ. Alcott has had tree named
for her in Princeton, Mass. 1t must be all
cottonwood.
scene: In the Senate Lobby.l
ooh mother,n cried Cupid
NJ, Ia
"My bow 1t is stolen
And carried away"
"Dear, dear" said bis mother,
"Don't worry and chaGe;
give you my promise,
Your bow is quite safe"
"But, mother where is It?
You know III be harmed
II have to wander
Around here uuarmed.
"For Senators, angry,
And not digniGod,
May tell me dasn't,
Go with them outsidc.h
"Tut, tut, child" said Venus,
"Be calm and 90 slow:
Van Wyck uf Nebraska
Has borrowed your bown
"Please get II, dear mother,n
The little god bcgs;
~ can't" wept the goddess,
"Its grown in his legs"
That coloring fluid ingalls, had on exhibit
tion in the Senate the other day may have
been manufactured in Vermont, but 1t Is
| not the kind | use. The best colorlng fluid
for my purpose comes from Kentucky, and
| ! seldom use any other. EDMuNDs.
This comprehends statesman's duty:
One day, in haste, to tell another that he
| lies,
To heap invectives on him and-the next
| Apologize.
If oleomargarne is such rank stuff, why
| does Congress desire to add two scents
extra to every pound aud send 1t out among
| the people for food
To ". Henry Hutch, M c., from Missouri.
Oh Henry Hatch Oh Henry Hatch
1t is not eggs | seek,
IT'S butter am looking for,
fight the strong not weak.
INGALLS,.
| L. S.-My address is Atchison, Kansas.
When the President came into his Office
to begin the labors of the day, the leading
figure In the scenery Of his sanctuary was
Hector. His Poodleship had chewed up the
morning papers and strewn the remains
over the floor, and as the President came in,
the versatile Hector was waving his paint
brush tail in the morning air, and playing
rat with the Presidential straw hat.
| "Danlel," exclaimed the President with
startled emphasis
"Yes SIRE" responded Daniel, rushing Ia.
"Do you see that" pointing at the dog.
81 am not blind, sire"
"lIave you dog button about your
clothes, Danielg"
"No, SIRE but have butcher knife"
"That would be bloodshed, Danel.n
"Yes, sire,n
The President sat down at his desk alb.
sorbed in thought, Daniel and Hector
watching him intently.
"Daniol,n he said, after a few moments
reflection.
"Yes, sire"
"Do you believe in the efficacy of my
Civil Service Reform policy?n
mot a d--eXcuse me, sire / am
Democrat"
"Um-um, Daniel, let's try 1t on the dog.'
eyes, sire,n and Daniel led Hector ou,
by his palm.leaf ear.
This is the first time | have felt resigned
since / learned the result Of the recent elec.
tions.-[ Gladstone.
Oleomargarine paper is not injurious, but
wood-pulp butter is delusion and snare.
Warner Miller.
Led astray by some base and mendaciou'
exchange, we stated recently that Mr.
Montgomery Sears, known among the fel
lows as "Monti" Sears, was the best tennis
player in the world. Now comes gentle
man OF veracity, wealth and authority and
informs us that 1t is not "Mont," bu
Dick, Il. D., Sears of Boston, and that he II
only the best player in the United States
We are really sorry to hear this, for Monti.
Montgomery fits the nomenclature of tennii
players so much more gracefully than plair
Dick does, but justice and love OF trutl
compel the correction and we make 1t
The world Will now please proceed on it
axis and the paper will go to press.
The Dog Nuisance.
|