Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-05-19
NEWSPAPER WIT.

NEWSPAPEH W.T.
"HARK! What's that?" ooh.
that ls IN Bumblebeg's. He's got the
German band" "The deuce he has
Why don't he do something for it .
Boston Transcript.
A WESTERN man claims that he car
raise cyclones at will. So can any
man, by simply informing his wife that
she will have to get along with one
bonnet q wear .-BurIington Free
Press.
VISITOR (stalwart spinster)-Fiv
and a half are you dear? And how
old do you think l am? Ethel (delib
eratelyl-Sixteen. Visitor Sixteen
Oh, you quite flat Ethel can't
count any further than that.-Londo1
Fur.
'sWHY will girls marry their in
feriors?" asks DR.. Mary Walker
Bless your dear, lonely, tough, old
heart, Mary, because they can't find
their equals. It's marry men OF
nothing, you know.-Binghampton
Republican.
PoNsoNBY-I saw you playing bill
iards last night with Litewaite. How
did you come out? De Guy-Lost
$1,000 on eight games. "Merciful
smoke, what loss!" 81 should say
so; and the worst of it was that So Of
it was cash. "-Philadelphia Call.
ssTHERE is great resemblance be-
tween winter and WATCH" observed
the snake editor. because it takes g
good while to wind it up sometimes? p
suggested the obituary editor. "No
because it can't 60 without q spring.
MISS SMITHERs-"Charle dear, what
kind of flower is that ?" Mr.. Rose
man Ia young collegian) Glove, that
Is not flower; it is a tobacco plant. .
Miss Smithers -"Oh, how nice it must
look when the plugs are hanging on it. y
AN elderly gentleman is seen to
tread on piece o. orange peel, and
come down heavily on his back. Po-
lite stranger, raising his hat to him
"Excuse NE, sir; would you mind do
ing that again? My friend didn't see
it,"
THIS is from a local weekly: eff the
long cared contributor to the Cuspidor,
who wrote that indecent attack which
was made yesterday upon the editor
of this journal, will call at this Office
his widow will hear something to her
advantage Journalist.
PRIsoNER-"If your honor please,
would like the court to appoint a law
yer to defend me-" Judge-Why don't
you employ your ownlawyer?" Pris.
oner-"Please your honor I have no
money" Judge (severely)-''Ah, you
hardened rascal, you've been here be-
FORE"
THE New York Tribune believes the
Panama Canal will be completed in
the time allowed, because M. de
Lesseps is "moving heaven and earth
to accomplish that end. M. de
Lesseps would get on faster, if be
would move less heaven and more
earth.-San Francisco Wasp.
s'SIR," said the customs officer to the
tourist, ST thought you told me that
you had nothing but your personal
wearing apparel in this trunk" $50
I did" ''Well, how do you account
for the presence of a dozen bottles o.
brandy?" ooh, that's all right. They
are might caps "-Chicago Rambler.
SIS there any pluralto deer?" asked
Prof Shore of his class in. Grammar
at the University of Texas. 81 thinl
there must be, for their is a plural tt
beer. You can say two BEERS Pv'
often heard it, replied Tom Anjerry
The professor remarked that ther'
was nothing singular about that
Texas Sntings.
"ANoTHER big wash-out up tn
street." said q Port Jervis man to {
reporter of the Gazette. The reporte
with a nose for news, dashed up tn
street. "Where is the wash-out!" b.
called to man whom he met. ether
it is" said the man, pointing to a lin
of newly washed clothes gently flap
ping in the breeze.
CAPT. BANGs-"I always understood
that Jones was shot in the discharg
of his duty" Private Bungs-"Well
some say he was shot in the suffer-
store, and others say be was shot il
the leg: but he got his pension 10
nervous prostration brought on b.
lodging the provost-guard in Wash
ington." Lowell Citizen.
A COUNTRY minister who, in addition
to his clerical duties, followed the pro
fession of a photographer, was callet
upon to perform the marriage cere
mony. "Now then, young man." b
said to the groom, who was nervous
and excited, as all grooms ought t.
be, "iust keep your eye on that cracl
In the wall, and try and look pleas
ant. "-Harper's Bazaar.
"SAL, your brother Tom says yol
were sitting on the sofa with Georg
Merriman again last night" eyes
ma; but" s'Didn't 1 tell you tina
I didn't want TO see you sitting on TIL
sofa with any young man; that
thought it looked too fast" eyes
ma; but George said that as this wa
Lent / oughtn't to object" "Wh.