The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-07-22
THE MERRY SIDEI

Every newspaper has one man who thinks II
is an excellent paper-its editor.
Those who kick so vigorously about political
''rings," evidently want things done upon the
square.
Copiah county, Miss, has adopted Prohibi-
ton. Thus the Democracy have defeated them
selves.
Sunset Cox is coming back from Turkey to
run for Congress. Why not make him q
missionary to Utah?
The President has object in the excessive
use of his veto power. He's trying to make
Mrs. Cleveland respect it.
How history repeats ITSELF In 1861, all the
Democrats asked was to be let alone. That's
all old man Payne is asking now.
The query "Will the Sea Give up Its Dead ?'
will never be asked by the man who has passed
within four squares of fish market.
Old man Payne found that he could work
Democracy better by feeding it with coal oil.
Any stomach will wear out on plain whisky.
"x"
1t is use to say there is room enough in the
world for all, to the man who is awakened at
four o'clock in the morning by the bowling OF
a hound under his window.
Il II
The Slabtown Debating Society has decided
that the act of President Cleveland which will
stand forth in history as his brightest and best,
will be-his retirement from office.
The pensioners should not be surprised that
the President is little fidgety. Let old
bachelor get married, and of course he won't
know how to behave himself
The greatest sticklers for the constitution are
the doggery- keepers. They will go to the Devil
trying to find out whether it is constitutional.
Another Democratic Congressman dead.
There's something fatal to Democratic Con-
gressmen, about Washington. 1t must be the
flag on the capitol.
Rowan county, Kentucky, is the lscene OF
more rowin' than any other county in the
United States. 1t is certainly well named.
An inventor is getting up a set of pinchers for
the use of BARRIERS. 1t is thought they will pull
the hairs out quicker and easier than dull
razor.
John Haggerty, of Mt. Vernon, is sued for
dog biting citizen. The dog is possibly worth
twenty five cents.
AS the wrestlers would say, the people OF
Ohio have got old man Payne by a sort of
''Half-Nelson," but they haven't got his back
to the floor yet.
A Washington dispatch is headed "What
Bayard Wants." What could Democrat want,
who has fat office. Oh! Perhaps an increase
of salary.
Hon. Harvey Watterson, father of the editor,
attributes his good health, at the age of seventy
five to temperance. There's better cause. He
has kept out of Kentucky half the time.
They have just dug up, in Wheeling, the
skeletons of men killed in the fight where
Elizabeth Zane carried gunpowder 10 the fort
in 1888. An affectionate posterity will COM
memorate the heroic forefathers by exhibiting
their bones in a Wheeling barber-shop.
Paul de Cassagnac addressed meeting in
France, and O riot followed the speech. The
mistake with goo many meetings is that the
riot ought to come first.
Russian papers announce that no more
Americans will be decorated" in Russia, be-
cause we don't decorate Russians over here. But
we do! We give them red noses.
The weather man says hot wave is coming,
but we can assure him that he needn't be in a
hurry about pushing it along. Wen try and
get along on ninety eight until something
warm gels here.
A New York jeweler got out new fire-escape,
and while "escaping" in the presence of friends,
himEAlf a tn nj will
doubtless get up an improvement, now-run
and jump out of the window in case of fire.
Theresa TurpIn, an Indiana woman, hanged
herself because she thought the Devil was after
her. The poor woman sought to escape him by
jumping into his arms.
1t is pleasing to hear from Troy, Ohio, that ga
villatnous tramp was identified" There have
been several here who were "ideRt titled" You
could smell their identity.
A Hilisboro chicken thief, sent to the Work
house, found that his chickens will cost him
about forty dollars apiece. He might as well
have gone to market and bought Spring
chickens.
An Eastern author claims that "Gath" sent
about six columns of the book to the Enquirer,
and got pay for it original matter. Well,
maybe the great correspondent thought it bet
ter than he could write.
+.<
The President urges that many of the appli
cants for pension are not entitled to it.@On.the
same line of reasoning, does Grover earn fifty
thousand dollars year?
A boy who would die before he would work
ten minutes in the daytime, will sit up con-
tentedly until midnight, in order to steal few
green apples.
The Liquor League is to meet in Pittsburgh.
1t is not positive whether the senior member of
the League will leave his birthstone abode and
come to such place as Pittsburgh, or not.
-
A GAINESVILLE man is wanted for embezzling
funds of Columbus firm. Many persons pre-
dicted an early downfall for him. He started
out as editor of Democratic paper.
-
Caroline Benedict of Syracuse, N. Y, lived
hfity-three days on whisky, and they thought
it remarkable. More than one man in Ohio
has lived fifty-three years on it, and got fat
by it.
A Jackson man declares that it is useless for
women to waste their time cultivating flowers
when the women are prettier than the flowers"
But it depends a good deal on the kind of wo-
man. and the kind of flower.
We are almost a believer in taking up cows.
At least, when we found five cows and calf
in our front yard one morning last week, be-
fore daylight, we established "pound" right
there.
Two farmers Joined the same Church, over in
Indiana, and as soon as they began to try to
live Christian lives, they tore down the line
fence between their farms. Anybody with any
experience knows why this was.
One thing Congress should hasten to do be-
fore it is forgotten-restore JEFF. Davis to the
rank he held in the army during the Mexican
War, his commission to date back. Porter has
gotten back, it would be shame to leave jeff.
out.