The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-04-15
HUMOR.
A HICKORY club is very good lumber
to floor man with.

to floor man with.
Tue hen isthe lay dy Of the barn-yard.
Merchant Irage'er.
ARcHITEcTURE is cslled "froZen M
sic, but some build nSs look as il the
orr hestra had been struck with heavy
frost when they were tuning their in
struments.
Down in Pennsylvania, il is said,
they have sociables where You can kiss
all the girls you want To at five cents
apiece. Pennsylvania is a good State
for poor man.
"WHAT becomes of all the old boots
and shoes?" asks an exchange. Look
into your landlady's soap boiler. You
will learn more by observation than by
interrogation. Maverick.
AMERIcA-"What do the letters H.
r. H. mean when applied to the Prince
of Wales?" Englishman-"Suchb bloom
ink hignorance rs Royal Ighness,
dye see?" -NeW York san.
"CAN you tell me how the word sa-
! loon is spelt?" was asked q cockney.
Certainly" said the Londoner with
look of triumph. there's hess and
n hay and hell and two hoes and a
hen"
BURNS PARAPHRAsED TO SUIT THE TIMES.
ITO catch Dame Fortnnes golden smile,
Assiduous wait upon her.
And pitch right in and make your pile,
Without tho lght OF honor.
Boston Courier.
THREE million bricks were used in
Chicago last year. This does not in
clude those worn in hats. The enor-
nifty of their mathematical computa-
ton is too much to tackle California
Maverick.
SHALL 1 help Bobby to another
piece of pie?" asked Mrs. Hendricks.
who was entertaining Bobby and his
mother at dinner. "Yes, ma" urged
Bobby promptly at won't hurt me
any. It's nothin' but bakers pie. =
NeW York Times.
CIRCUMSTANCES alter cases. A man
will step up with smile and settle an
hotel bill as reasonable as jealousy
without a bubble; but when he comes
to bargaining with poor widow to
make a pair of pantaioons he will beat
her down to starvation wages, and then
make her wait for the pay till her
children suffer with hunger. Chicago
Ledger.
A FASHION editress holds that mill
tary muffs" will be al the rage this
winter. An enterprising reporter, who
has been making tour of inspection of
the officers quarters at the Preside
and elsewhere, as well as of the various
city armories, says that no fears of
rise in price need be entertained, as
the supply is more than equal to the
| demand San FTQnSiScd1l
A PROMISING AMATEUR-Featherly
(who is studying for n private theatre
cal entertainment)-"W does exit
mean, Charley?" Charley-"It is q
Latin word, and means that you are to
withdraw from the stage Featherly--
20, see; but wouldn't it be better if
were to say, 1 withdraw from the
stage?' Some of the audience may
not understand Latin. - NeU York
Sun.
A DRUNKEN man strayed into O re-
vival meeting the other night under
the belief that he was in n Democratic
primary. AS he was staggering into q
seat a reformed sot got up and began
his experience by the striking remark:
Brethren, L spent four ye4rs of my
life in Jail" The drunken man straight
ened himself up and asked, earnestly:
"Shay, shen perhaps yoush can tell me
swesher it's going Democrashsh or not
shish electionsh. Chicago Rambler.
A SOUTH YoNKERs Sunday-school
teacher was trying to explain to her
class what the conscience was, but had
some difficulty in making the scholars
understand. "What is that small voice
| hot 70 Of
tired at night?" she said at length.
ooh, please, ma'am, | know" quickly
said one of the bright little girls. well,
what is it, Dolly?' said the teacher,
proud that her explanation had been
so quickly comprehended. Cats,
ma'am. "-YOnkerS Statesman.
RED-LETTER DAY IN HIS LIFE.
Just four years old but mark his royal air
AS down the village street he takes his way,
His head erect consciousness is there
OF power that he possess ID not yesterday
Whence springs the pride that here we see dis
played?
Has he been nnde present Of box Of toys?
! No; the discovery he just has made
That he can whistle like the other boys
All who can tell the happiness he feels
The bubbling JOY, the unalloyed delight
For weeks TO come he whistle ut his meals
And whistle when he goes to bed at night
boston CTi1Scr.
A SMALL Somerville boy goes fire.
quently to q neighbors house to buy
fresh eggs. He is always given eggs
of the Plymouth Rock variety, which
have shell of chocolate hue. On
the last occasion that he was sent after
eggs three of the ordinary white-shelled
variety We're given him with the Plym-
outh Rocks to make out the dozen.
He received them with great deal of
suspicion, and, a fsw moments later,
rushed into the presence of his mother,
highly excited: ooh, motherl" he
cried, "what do you think? They've
cheated us They've given us three
that amt ripe. boston record
GENERAL ALFRED PLEAsANToN, we'll