Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1884-1886, 1886-02-27
THE DOG DEMAGOGUE.

] am afraid that was rather a frivolous
girl before married Robert Fadburn, but
am very different now. Anyone would
soon become serious who had the privilege
OF being much with Robert For he is an
ex-fellow Of his college, and professor in a
great London institution, and his views are
all advanced and earnest. He has worked
out great scheme for reconstructing So
ciety as soon as ever society viii let him,
RECONSTRUCTED very much l believe there
ere several ways of remodelins our social
system, tut, as far as l have been able TO
follow if. Roberts is much tine incest Of
them ALL
am not clever ct details. but the main
points Of his plan are to redistribute wealth
by persuading kindness If possible-not
force, all the people who have property to
go shares with those who have not; to slim
ulate trade and commerce by abolishing
capital; and to give everybody a nice little
farm all to himself, and let him do the best
he can with it Then he wants US to cen
cenfrate our empire by giving up every pos
session we might ever be called upon TO fight
for, which would enable Us to do without a
standing army. and put down the church
and house Of lords, and some other things
forget at this moment. Then we should all
be happy and comfortable once more, and
other nations would love US, and probably
follow our good example.
I'm sure that all sounds simple enough,
and yet there are times when Robert seems
quite to despair of seeing it ever accom-
plished. Even this last extension of the
franchise has not raised his hopes very
much 1.-THE fact isl he declares, ''the bulk
of the people, radical though they may call
themselves, are at heart conservatives
They can not look at things from cosIno-
politan point Of view; they haven't the
courage for experiments ON large scale;
they all have vested interests in some shape,
and they distrus: any change that may af
feet them What we require is a class that
will approach these questions without any
personal bias whatever, and Yet, at the
same time, in a sufficiently enlightened and
philosophical spirit"
But be could not find enough people OF
this sort to make class, until one day,
when had been reaiins aloud TO him about
some recent experiments in teaching 90:
to recognize the letters of the alphahe. an.
even combine them into words and sSe-
fences, he seemed suddenly inspired Wit Q
solution.
Il have it, Fridoline.'' he cried, 81 have
1.-THE key to the social problem; the new
factor is found! The future saviors of this
unhappy country viii be its dogs, am per-
fectly serious, " he continued, launching intoa
lecture, as he has rather habit of doing
when excited .'Hitherto, although the
sagacity, the almost human intelligence Of
the dog has never been denied, his imper-
feet powers of expression have not enabled
him to do himself full justice. The barrier
has begun to be removed, now that the first
dog has learned to communicate his ideas
in words. What one dog has done others
can do Nay; l do not despair Of seeing all
dogs in receipt Of free education from the
state. And when that is effected, it will be
an anomaly which every radical mind viii
abfor should those highly educated and
intelligent animals be refused the franchise
at time when probably every woman
would be in possession OF this high privilege.
Canine suffrage will become necessity
And what results may we not expect from
this Eruption of fresh, vigorous intelligence.
For centuries our dogs have been watching
the webs of our political Penelope 1t is
impossible that they have done SO without
arriving at some general conclusions on the
subject, anu W III tloot CDilCtlsiDfls we
shall ere long be enabled to ascertain with
accuracy.
THAT their views viii be of leveling and
generally Democratic tendency, l do not
pesonally doubt for a moment; the long
degradation of being compelled, as they
have been, to subserve the selfish sports of
pampered aristocracy, must have enrolled
them long since in the crusade against
Ia Tod into Thov
and can thus have little interest in defend
ing it: they have no desire for military
glory, and, therefore, no n,ischievous i'm
pulse of patriotism; no religious principles
OF any kind, and, consequently, are free
from any superstitious reverence for sta
protected church. But it may be necessary,
Fridoline, notwithstanding, to prepare them
for the high duties that will devolve upon
them as citizens, SO that, when the time ar
rives, they may vote as one dog on the side
Of progress
''For they will prove in dexterous handse
tremendous political engine, and, well ma
nipulated, might easily sway the balance at
every polling booth In the kingdom. Think,
too. of the impression that demonstration
of English dogs in Hyde park on any 9ues-
ton that was stirring the public mind would
infallibly produce-tremendous, Fridoline.
tremendous
''Ths only makes it the more vital, If You
have followed me, that there should be no
bungling in the matter, that the national
dogs should be thoroughly and Systematically
indoctr;nated with accurate 10y which 1
mean to imply my own, views before our
opponents have had time to perceive the full
political importance of these early instances
Of canine education"
al quite see that, dear" said; '.what /
do not see is exactly how you are going to
indoctrinate so many dogs"
''That is question: said Robert, '.to
which intend to devote some anxious con-
sideration.
And, one day, not very long nfte-ward,
he came home with face positively beam
ing-why, l did not at first understand, for
he was being followed by the qneerest look
ing dog l ever saw. He was Of no par
ticular breed but seemed compounded of
the worst points of the commoner mongreis:
be was shaggy at irregular intervals, and
bare where dog of any self-respect would
have been hairy; he had pink eyes and pie
bald nose, and his tail appeared to live
underneath him.
Imagine my surprise, then, when Robert
introduced him TO me as the future regen-
orator OF his race, and even OF humanity,
do not iId ye him by appearances, he
said, you must look below the surface
(which l would not have done on any con-
He has been of late amid
unworthy CT him, his pro-
prietor, a most respectable person, who
gains precarious living by checking the
ravages of the domestic rat. and also by a
species OF industry lie designates IS 'odl
Jobs deplorei to me with teaIs in his eyes
For he is dog who has had 70 common
advantages, having been carefully instruct
cd by a scientific baronet in the III iiments
Of a sound. commercial education He is
en- animal | have reason TO be!ieve Of
sturdy intellect and strong. moral principles
AL he needs is a certain amount OF mild
And a warm BATH Robert | added
But l think that creature looked, if any
thing, worse when clean.
Roberts notion was to begin by ipoculat-
ing this dog with advanced radical tenets,
leading him by easy, progressive stages
through social de;nocrstism 10 enlightened
communism, and, then, when he vas quite
sound, sending him forth to infu-nce other
dogs, who. in their turn, would spread tss
doctrine fu.tier s,.lL
.'He has been known rs 'Pincher,'" sid
Robert .'bnt be must been renamed What
DO you think Of 'SiriaS. the Dog Starr
;honEas Il too Suggestive Of hydrophobia