Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1886-11-12

Inc QUIZ eye OF u tOtut NFuhUeT.
see that he is ranSackinS the pockets of my
pantaloonS start suddenly as wave of
horror passes the entire length of the spinal
column. The frenzied start SqueakS the
costly framework of the richly carved couch
on which reCline. In an instant the gentle
man whips out small gun, tells me TO move
at my peril, and with his pockets full OF stuff
that have tOiled hard for years to accom-
pliSh, he slowly egreSSeS. l realize that my
wife would not be a competent witness on
my behalf, and have failed to provide other
witnesses in my apartments You know
man cannot think Of everything In fact,
thousand If men retire every night with alb
solutely no one rs witness or 70 protect them
but their wives, forgetting that as protec-
tor q wife is almost worthless, and as wit
ness she is even more 50.
So have written out and had printed
large number Of blanks, on which appear the
following questions with spaces for answers.
You wake up in the dead hours of night to find
a party in the room engaged in the felony in
dustry You ask him to be seated, and tax
ing from your writing desk the blank allud-
ed to, you PROFOUND the following conun-
drums to him, filling in the answers as he
gives them:
l. What is your name'
q Where do you residei
8 What is your agei
l. Your weight!
5. Are you married or single; and il so,
would your family be left destitute i'll case
should shoot you in self defense!
6. Do you die easy or do you generally
cling TO lifei
:. Arc you natural born citizen OF the
United States or are you an alien'
s. If an alien, please state whether it IS a
family characteristic
8. Do YOU use tobacco!
10 Please state what disposition You would
like to have made of your remains IN case
YOU should be shot in self defense.
H. Do you drink
IL. II 50, why will you persist in so doingi
Is. What do you generally takei
QntermiSSiOn.l
"A Do YOU contemplate the commission Of
. felOnyl
Is II so, state what is your favorite style
Of felony and your reasons for dabbling IN
felonyl
10 Is this the first time you have ever
taken part III = JNSNtitsAbAS
II. IL not, please state fully where, when
and under what circumstances you took such
a part. and whether or not you st that time
took the offensive or defensive.
IS Do YOU smoke cigarettesi
10 Please breathe hard on the breast
tester, not necessarily for publication, but
for future analysis.
90 Have you ever been insanef
Of. Are you insane nowl
- Do you ever have microbes on your
brainl
2S. II 50, do you think that they tend
10 deteriorate the brain tissue, or do You
think that they improve it in your easel
"a Have you any other clothes that you
would prefer to DO laid out in, aside from
those you now wearf
q When did you first begin to toll up
toward the pinnacle Of felonyf
% What amount OF money would you oe
willing 20 take in order to tcrego and, as 1t
were. omit this particular felonyi
q. Would mining stock o. nlnety-day
paper be taken in such deali
3. II unsatisfactory answers are made to
both the above interrogation, will you please
state fully what medical college you would
| prefer 10 ondow with yoursefi
%. Is the idea of personal devil repulSiVe
70 youl ., 5.-
] So Would you please protrude your tongue