The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, 1886-02-16
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
A LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
THE LEISURE HOURS.
Did Not See lille Had Never Been In
toxicnted-He Paid for His Drlnks-A
Shocking Tragedy, ETC., Etc.
DID NOT f IT.

the proceedings were delayed by the
failure Of u witness named Sarah Mony
to arrive. After waiting u long time for
Sarah the court concluded to wait no
longer, and, wishing to crack his little
joke, rcmarkcd: ''This court will ad-
Journ without Sarah-mony." Everybody
laughed except one man, who sat in
solemn meditation for five minutes, and
then burst into 4 hearty guffaw, exclaim-
ing, 81 see it! see it," When he
went home he tried to tell the Joke to
his wife. "Thcrc was a witness named
Mary Mony who didn't come" said he,
"and so the cour said, Well adjourn
without Mary-mony.'" 81 don't sec the
point to that" said his wife. 81 know
it" said he. 81 didn't at first; but YOU
will in about five minutes. "-Lepiston
(We.) JourWaL.
81 notice by the papers, " he said, as
he waited for the froth on his beer to
settle, that a man in Chicago saloon
fell dead just as he finished drinking a
glass Of beer"
81 see dot same thing in der papers,
too" replied the s%aloonist.
"CuriOus, wasn't it q
"Fhcll, l don't think SO. You see.
he drank oop dot beer md said, 'Shargc
1t to me" ind der bartender he prings
oudt his club und taps him on der headt.
1t vhas almost cafcry day somebody
drops deadt hcrc!'
Hc laid a hickory club on the bar and
looked the man full in the eye, and the
beer was hardly down before it was
paid for. -Detrvit Free Press.
IN A QUANDARY.
Most people the ONE they enter a
parsonage to get married become so en-
barrassed that they really are hardly
conscious of what they are doing. One
fellow l heard of was drcadfully afflicted
IN this way, and without realizing his
act pulled Il cigar from his pocket and
twirlcd it around in his hands. When
that portion of the was
reached in which the lady and gentle
man join hands he happened to have the
cigar in his right hand. What to do
with that cigar he evidently didn't
know. The clergyman paused for amo-
mcnt, and then repeated the instruction
that they join hands. BY this time the
poor fellows embarrassment had in
creased so that it was painful to be-
hold. He gave one agonized look at
the minister and her stuck the cigar in
his mouth. Before the ceremony could
be concluded the minister had to take
the cigar from between his lips.-Cham-
derSbu,yh Fa.) Valley Spirit.
WHITE BEARS.
Sam Ward was once seated opposite a
well-known Senator at u dinner at
Washington. This Senator was very
bald, and the light shining on the
h*cndth of scalp attracted Wards at
! tcntion-
"Can you tell me-" he asked his
ncighbor. "why the Senator's head is
like Alaska z"
''I'm sure I don't know"
because it's q great white bear
place"
The ncighbor was immensely tickled,
nnd he hailed the Senator across the
table:
Say, Senator, Wards just got off a
very smart thing about you"
"What is it ("
''Do you know why your head is like
Alaska 2"
''No."
because it's a great place for white
Dcars."-San Francisco Chronicle.
HOLDING OUT INDUCEMENTS.
A groccr's boy complained to his en-
ployer that he was worked too hard and
did not get sufficient rest. -.
II know, Johnny" admitted the gro
Ger, that you are kept pretty busy
most of the time, but I'll see what can
be done. Perhaps when cold weather
sets III III let you draw molasscs once in
a while"
NATIONAL SELFIsHNEss.
Tourist-'I thought some extensive
improvements in Central Park had been
projected p Proud New Yorker -
That's so; they were; on a magnif-
cent scale" Tourist-"Why were they
never carried out 2" Native-"Oh. the
rest Of the country wouldn't subscribe
the moncy.'-BURDErTE.
~ LET IT REMAIN.
p A pompous fellow was dining with a
country family, when the lady of the
house desired the servant to take away
the dish containing the fowl, which
word she pronount cd fool, rs is not I'M
@ D",dMo" you 90 m "sDa'" - fowl" spp idIo tine
prig, i'll a rcproving tone. every weN,"
said the lady, II little ncttlcd, ''bc it so.
Take AWAY the fowl and let the fool
remain"
A RUDE MAN.
Hc-"That was n shocking tragedy;
wasn't it ?"
Shc-"Whnt was it !"
IA man, without the slightest provo
cation. killed u woman he had never
seen before in all his life"
"IIc had never even been introduced
to her Z"
No; he knew nothing about her"
Then he was certainly q very rude