The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1886-01-07

Burdette DiscOurseth on Railway Bores
Now there abideth on the railway
car, and travel up and down the
land therein, the citizen whose
name is Legion. William II. II.
Legion, of Legionviilc, Of Legion
conaty, and this is the manner oi
man he is:
One of him talketh politics.
From the time he getteth upon the
train until he steppeth of he talk
eth the local politics of Deddangon
county into the weary ears of the
stranger from Farther India, who
knoweth about American politics
far less than the pig at the corn pen
knoweth about the new star in An
dromeda.
And another Of him is the man
who gets carried by. Never a train
yctrun upon wheels that did not
carry some man by The brake
man, with the rich tenor voice,
opens the front door and shrieks, in
ear splitting falsetto, .'Woodlawn! /!
Woodlawnp Then the brakeman,
with the deep bass voice, opens the
the rear door and roars, Wood
lawn! Woodlawnr' The tram
boy goes down the aisle with his
books and apples and squeaks,
Northumberland" Finally the
conductor enters, who says, in tones
of impressive dignity and official
authority, "Woodlawn; Woodlawn.
The train stops. The passenger
looks out the window at the village.
Ten miles farther on the brakeman
with the tenor voice opens the door,
a cinder flies down his throat and
chokes his utterance, he gasps fee
bly, and inarticulately. "Winsher-
uncshun." The astonished passen-
ger springs to his feet "Winches-
ter Junction. be howls; "why in
the name of goodness didn't you
tell me when we came to Woodlawn?
Now / can't get home till to-mor-
row morning! I'll report you for
not calling out stations; see if l
don'tr
And there is the man who gets
off the train every time it stops,
rushes down the platform, gets in
everybody's way, forces his way
into the waiting room while every
body is trying to get out, peers into
the ticket offices, always wants TO
know, "where the mischief the teIe.
graph operator isY Never reads a
telegram; never knows what to say
if the operator is at his post; al
ways peeps Into the baggage car to
see if he can discover his own
trunk which was put on ten hours
and 250 miles ago; gets thumped
with trunks and pinched by trucks;
gets deeper in the way every time
he tries to get out of it; never
sees anybody he knows on the
whole trip, and would be amazed if
he did, and rides in his seat so little
Of the time that it.doesn't pay him to
claim it when he sees any one else
in it, although that is the only time
he wants it.
And there is the man who is fa-
miliar with all the train men; he
calls the conductor George" and
the brakemen johnnie" and ad
dresses the walters at the dining
station by their fret names. If,
however, he speaks to q fellow pas
senger he calls him, "say, you"
He stops the conductor when that
official is the busiest to ask him
about brakemen on freight trains Of
whom thesconductor never G knew,
nor any other man possibly. He
calls the length of the car to the
newsboy to know when we pass
NINETY seven" and if "Bill Stunt is
runnin' her to-dayY His wither-
ing contempt for passengers is
something immeasurably painful to
the unhappy people who are
obliged to travel. This man, whom
you have often met, has two or
three origins. He usually travels
on q trip pass, aud used to sweep
out the general offices when the reg
uiar ordained janltor had to take
the superintendent place. He
isn't railroad man, but he'd give
both his legs If he could make peo-
pie think he is.
There are two men in a seat near
the stove exchanging recipes for
rheumatism and other Ills TO which
human flesh is heir. One of them
had the flanders" all last spring.
They "come onto him just as he
was getting oyer a spell Of "Deural-
agy' and left him just in time for
two weeks "rassel with lumbago in
the spine in the back" That isn't
what ails him now, though. It's
this "miasmi in his system" and the
things he has been and is yet tax
ing tor it are numerous enough and
various enough to kill of a courty
almshouse. .fhe other man had a
''malignant. tumor" on his hip all
winter, and the only thing his doc
tor could do with it was to throw
him into ''brOnichal fever" The ef
fects of which were still painfully
apparent in chilblains and "execra
ted sore throat. Every time he
"sWollers' he'd ''druther diem swol-
Ter agin." So these two sufferers
while away weary hours telling
each other infallible cures for all
the things the other man has,
And then there are four other
people on the train; they are on ey-
cry train that ever rolled a wheel
the two young married people who
have been married, and the omni-
present other two young people, the
other who want to be married.
The March Of the 2lst.
"The story about how Gen. Grant