Mexico weekly ledger., 1886-04-22
BURDETTE DIsCOURsETH ON RAIL.
WAY B0RES.
The Glasses of People You Can Meet
Upon the Trains.

the citizen whose name is
Legion. William III. II. Legion, of
Legion county, and this
is the manner of man he is:
One OF him talketh politics. From
the time he getteth upon the train
until he steppeth off he talketh the
local politics of Deddangon county
into the weary ears of the stranger
from Farther India, who knoweth
about American politics far less than
the pig at the corn pen knoweth
about the new star in Andromeda.
And another of him is the man who |
gets carried by. Never train yet |
run upon wheels that did not carry
some man by. The brakeman, with
the rich tenor voice, opens the front
door and shrieks, in ear splitting
falsetto, "Wood lawn! Wood lawn"
Then the brakeman, with the deep
bass voice, opens the rear door and
roars, "Wood lawn! Wood lawn!"
The train boy goes down the aisle
with bis books and apples and squeaks
"Woodlawnwoodlawn." Finally en-
ters the conductor, who says, in tons
of impressive dignity and official au
thority, "Wood lawn; Wood lawn"
The train stops. The passenger raises
window and looks out at the vii
lage. Ten miles farther on the brake
man with the tenor voice opens the
door. cinder flies down his throat
and chokes his utterance, he gasps
feebly and inarticulately, ''Winsher-
uncshun.'' The astonished passen-
ger springs to his feet. "Winches-
ter Junction. he howls; "why in
the name of goodness didn't you tell
me when we came to Woodiawn? ?
Now 1 can't get home till tomorrow
morning. I'll report you for neglect
ing to call out stations; see if I do
not!"
And there is the man who gets off
the train every time it stops, rushes
down the platform, gets in every
body's way, forces his way into the
waiting-room while everybody else is
trying to get out. peers into the
ticket offices, always wants to know
"Where the mischief the telegraph
operator is?" Never reads a tele.
gram; never knows what to say il
the operator is at his post; always
peeps into the baggage car to see il
he can discover his own trunk which
was put on ten hours and $50 mile:
ago; gets thumped with trunks anc
pinched by trucks; gets deeper in the
way every time he tries to get out o.
, 1t; never sees anybody he knows or
, the whole trip, and would be amazed
if he did, and rides in his seat so lit
tie of the time that it doesn't pay hin
to claim it when he see any one elst
, in it, although this is the only tim'
he wants it.
And there is the man who is familia
with all the train men; he calls th'
conductor George and the brake
men "Johnny," and addresses th'
- waters at the dining station by thei
first names. If, however, he speak
- to follow passenger he calls him
"SS ,-ou.' He stops the conduc
= tor when that official is the busies
to ask him about brakeman on frelgh
= trains of whom the conductor ha'
6 never heard; nor any other man
=, possibly. He calls the length of th
. car to the newsboy, to know whe
6 we pass >ninety-seven," and if Obi
Stunt is runnin' her today" Hi
withering contempt for passengers
:. something immeasurably painful t
,, the unhappy people who are oblige
6 to travel. This man, whom you hav
!, often met, has two or three origins
- He usually travels on trip pass, an
= used to sweep out the general office
v when the regularly ordained janit'
. had to take the superintendent
- place. He isn't railroad man, br
,r he'd give both his legs if he coul
20 make people think he is.
=. There are two men in q seat nef
the stove exchanging receipts fo
=, rheumatism and other Ills to whic
human flesh is heir. One of the
- had the ''ianders' all last sprin!
~ They "come onto' him just as
20 was getting over a spell of ''neura
>, agy" and left bin just in time for tv
= weeks .srassel with llmbago in Il
), spine in the back" That isn't VIII
10 ails him DOW, though. Its tn
emiasmia in his system" and .tI
n things he has been and is yet taklr
;, for it are numerous enough and val
-, GUS enough to kill off a coun
almshouse. The other man had
- malignant tumor'' on his hip
- winter, and the only thing his doct
~ could do with it was to throw him
= to .bronchial fever" the effects
which were still painfully apparent
chilbla,ns and "execrated sore throa
Every time he ''swollers" he'd "dr
ther diem swoller again" SO the
is, two sufferers while away weary hou
' u telling each other infallible cures
N, all the things the other man has.
or And then there are four other pe
ed ple on the train they are on eve
ey train that every turned wheel-t