Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-11-17
SOMETHING ABOUT CRANKS.
Interview With Patent SO1icitor-His
Clients,

Interview With Patent SOlfc1tor-H1s
Clients.
From the Pittsburg Commercial Gazette.I
ssOf all cranks," said Patent Solicitor
Rees "the patent crank is the worst,
he is incurable. A quiet, staid man,
probably g. hard working farmer, will
90 soberly along until some day he will
discover some pressing necessity.
Then he goes to work and evolves
something wild, visionary and imprac-
ticable; he works on the model in fear
and trembling lest it should be seen,
regards his neighbours with suspicion,
grows nervous and never sleeps until
it is finished. Then off he rushes to q
patent Office to secure the benefit OF
his unparalleled invention. After he
once secures patent, be is incurabie,
gets out patents on every possible sub
iect, and finally ruins himself without
ever getting a cent for his trouble.
More curious people come for patents
than can be imagined. One day an
old farmer came into the office with g.
large basket on his arm. He said,
Where is the patent MANI
II intimated that was the individ-
ual. He looked at me uspiciously for
moment and said: Young man, you
look powerfully youthful for patent
lawyer. Do you understand the bust
ness!' [ informed him of my many
years. experience. He then got up,
closed the door, let down the curtain
over the window, and said: 4 have
the most wonderful invention of the
nineteenth century. twill bring down
Ina1 %ba 1,1oCC1onC Of oil tho
people in the United States"
sTrhen he opened the basket, took
out g. large roll of calico, q pair of
and there at the bottom Of the basket
lay a miniature churn. There it is,
young mani I said there seemed to
be no difference between it and any or
binary churn and washer. Now,
young man, you know what difficulty
it is to secure good washer for clothes.
have tried them all-there must be
sixteen or seventeen different machines,
amt there? Well, the cheapest of
them is about $14, and now by q SIM
pie invention of mine, a person is en-
abled to secure a churn, and for the
slight sum of twenty-five cents more,
he can have a washer also. will sell
these at $1O25 EACH Let us see,' [
said. There are about 100000
families in the United States, every
family will want one of your patents,
and probably want one every three
years, SO during the run of the patent
100000 OF them will besold. They
will probably cost you twenty five
cents, and so you will gain Ia tea years
clear profit of 100000, 600. Why,
you will be the richest man in the
world
1.-The old man began to grow excited,
his hands trembled and his eyes grew
larger. Let US see this wonderful in
vention,' said. He took it out and
showed an ordinary churn, with little
knobs on the bottom of the dasher, so
that in cleaning clothes these little
knobs would ruO against each other
and clean out the dirt. Yes said,
that is the grandest invention in the
world. You had better take it to
some lawyer who has more experience
than I, because | probably could not
do it Justice That's what I think
myself said the old farmer, and he
bundled it up and went out.
"Then again | had man come In
who had put a sliding panel in the head
of a bed 80 that it was impossible for
the heads Of the two sleepers to touch.
He said it would be of great service to
nurses, as they could lie with q sick
man and not catch the disease from
his breath. Also when a man came
home drunk he could pull out the
panel and his wife would not smell the
liquor.
''In sending In an application for g.
patent it is customary to describe the
evils proposed to beremedied and how
the invention will obviate them. Now,
young man. he said, I walt a. darn
fine send-off for this patent. Make it
nice, I will not stand en- money, only
make something fne.' / tried once
and he did not like it; again, and still
1t did not please him.
'HThen got mad and began in this
wise, when it may happen that some
pestllentlal disease, some contagious
affection to which the human race is
heir, may come like an unexpected
thing, striking down in the prime of
life the noblest of our human kind in
sickness; and also since the days of the
Grecian gods all mankind has INDUCED
IL the flowing bowl
"And on | went, gushing for pages.
This pleased him very much, and he
sent it on to Washington. In o few
days a letter came saying that the
preamble was too long and life too
ehor5 to be able to peruse it; and,
more than that, it would keep all the
printers in Washington setting up
patent notices if many inventors sent
such descriptions.
ct had a man who had discovered
perpetual motion and didn't know it.
There is considerable difficulty in run