davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-14
ENDLESS TIME.
a Faint idea Of the Antiquity OF tne
Earth.

a Faint idea OF the Antiquity OF the
Earth.
Geological discoveries give us faint
idea of the antiquity of this earth OF
ours. Mr.. Laing takes the coal meas
ures as giving the best idea OF the enor-
NOUS intervals of time required for geo.
logical changes. These are made up OF
seams of coal resting as rule on .
bed of clay known as the under-clay.
and covered by bed of sandstone or
shale. From eighty to one hundred OF
these alternating layers have been FOUND
in South Wales and Nova Scotia. Inc
total thickness of the coal measures is in
some cases as much as IA, 900 feet. Each
seam means forest growth. gradual sub
sidence covering with deposits. and this
is traceable over and over again. TAX
ing an actual Observation-Disclosures of H..
600 feet, Prof Huxley calculates that
the time represented by the coal forma-
ton alone would be 5000. 900 of years.
Mr.. Laing says: '.But this takes no ac-
count of the long periods during which
no accumulation takes place at
the localities in question, and of
the long phases which must have ensued
between each movement of elevation
and submergence, and especially De.
tween the disappearance of an old and
appearance of an almost entirely new
epoch, with different forms of animal
and vegetable life. We may be certain
also that we are far from knowing the
total thickness of strata which will be
disclosed when the whole surface of the
earth comes to be explored. All we can
say is that we have fragmentary pages
left in the geological record for, at the
very least, 100, 900. 900 of years, and that
probably the lost pages are quite as nu-
merous as those of which we have an
imperfect knowledge. Sir Charles Lyelf.
the highest authority on the subject, is
inclined to estimate the minimum, of ge-
illogical time at 200, 900, 600 of years,
and few biologists will say that his esti-
mate appears excessive. But he points
out that: Long as is the record OF ge-
illogical time, it is only that of one short
chapter IN the volume of the history OF
| the universe ''-Denorest' Monthly.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-14
A HAPPY DIVERSION.

How a Rather Peculiar Man Kept Him
self In Good HumOr.
II took dinner with peculiar man the
other day." said the Secretary of State.
II had known MIN for a long time, but had
never noticed anything strange about him
until the other day. When we sat down
to dinner, Colonel Hackett-my friend
name-called his servant, large negro,
and said:
Robert please bring US some bread,
and, oh, Bob, you've forgot the soup!
Bring it, please, and you will place me I'M
der so many obligations. All, hold on,
Bob. You have forgotten to give my
friend plate. Please bring him one
when the servant had retired to exc
cute the Inundated appeals to his gener-
osity, turned to my friend and said:
Colonel, you astonish me. l have
ever taken you to be man of great firm
ness
az am
"'Then why are you so servile in asking
your servant to do anything?'
Revenge my dear sir
'Revenge!' / repeated, in astonish.
ment. Why, don't understand you
".Well, III tell you. Doyou see that club
over the mantel-piece? Well, shall be OBJ
sequious to that fellow until he owns the
place, then L shall snatch down that club
and knock him heels over head. Nothing like
it. do all my servants this way, and
enjoy myself better than any man in town.
| Ii 1 hadn't hit upon this plan 1 would have
been dead by this time. Wait a minute
here he comes.
1.-THE fellow looked sullenly at us and
| doggedly put plate in front of me.
| q 'Oh, Bobbie,' said the Colonel, there ia
| no vinegar on the table. l should esteem
| it great favor if you were to get some.
| Oh, don't frown at me that way, Bobbie.'
| ''The servant made a disrespectful re.
| mark. The Colonel jumped up, seized his
| club and struck Bob an awful blow
| knocked him through a window out into
| the yard. The ColoneIs face wore an ex
| preston of supreme happiness.
| CHOW Wen eat dinner said he, resumine
his seat. If l hadn't struck upon this
been in my grave. You see when cringet
| to him it was humiliation, but when
| knocked him into figure five it was re
| venge. Now, must go out after dinner
and get another man. At first he will tel
| me that he would rather work for me thar
| for any man he ever saw. After awhile
| when my kindness becomes more plain, h
will become neglectful; and, after awhile
- you have witnessed to-day-he will be
| come insolent. No, sir, I don't know wha
| would have become of me had I not strucl
| upon this happy diversion ''-4rkansav
| Traveller.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-14
SIRENS OF BUSINESS.
Where the Weaker Sex is Winning Its Wa
GrantIiy.


Grandly.
The man who contributes to a charity
or buys bill of goods from a drummer
has vague notion that he has done
service for the solicitor. But the female
canvasser never permits him to harbor
any such idea about her. He is given
to understand that he has done only
what he should have done long ago, and
it was highly improper for him to wait
till she reminded him of it. That is the
reason every one feels himself humble
and abashed when a female canvasser
booms up in the horizon and feels
humber and more abashed when she
leaves.
There are two kinds of female can
vassers-the old and the young varieties.
Their methods are Numerically OPP
posite The one says everything she
can; the other as little as she can. The
former is born exhorter, and was Gre
ated for the purpose of running a
scheme for absorbing the ears of a
congregation. But as she found all
the departments in those branches
of industry filled up she took to
canvassing to keep in practice. She can
get in more vocal work in given space
than any male agitator of the organ of
speech extant. The young variety of
canvasser does not run the campaign
that way. Her strong points are her
eyes. Once her tongue has set forth her
business it suspends and her eyes begin
totissue dividends. Thereafter all oper-
atIons are carried on from that quarter.
She finds this the most effective way. A
whole park of artillery would not hold
its own as an instrument of destruction
against the eyes of well-organized can
vasser If she is coldly received she
throws little warmth and feeling into
her chances. If she is rebuffed the eyes
fill. If she is turned away she suffuses
them with look of pleading that would
| reduce adamant at hundred PAGES.
She begs with them, prays with them,
urges with them and eXhorts with them,
and as there is no force known to
science that will overcome this mute
insistence, humanity has to yield and the
reluctant purse strings have to loosen
| N. 7. Herald.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-14
Double Rack-Actfon Volatility.

The San Francisco girl of 1886 is princi-
pally remarkable for her ability to express
herself with double back-action combine
ton of conciseness and volubility. Shehas
a clever trick of economizing time and space
by running two or three words together.
She never pauses for the ordinary obstruc-
tions of grammar, and when clear, compre-
hensive English fails her, she instantly re-
sorts to words of her own coinage The
T. c.. offers as an example the following IN
tercepted conversation: "Lo! Wherever
goin?' "'Lo! Jus downear to the dress
makers" "Dressfinisht? "Mm-mm!
Not quite; 'sgointube lovely" "Howsh1-
makinit?" "Oh / dunno; little Iggers
down the front and pleatinsroun the bot
tom-sorter sprangly effect. Musturry-
poodbve.'-San Francisco Newsletter.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-14
SHE DIDN'T.
But She Believed She Would Die of MOrti
fcation If Taken for a Bride.

But She Believed She Would Die OF Morti-
fication If Taken for a Bride.
"Now, remember, Charley, we are to do
nothing bridal" said somewhat elderly
bride to her husband, as they boarded the
train. 81 should die OF modification II
should be taken for bride. TIE, he!"
can right" said Charley, '1'h be care
full"
Later on Charley wanted to smoke, and
he entered the smoking-car for that pur-
pose.
In the seat Immediately back OF the
couple sat an inquisitive old lady.
"Going far?" she inquired, tickling the
brides ear with her breath.
ITO Montreal. TIE, bel" simpered the
bride.
''Travelin' for pleasure?"
eyes, a'am. TIE, he!'
''Is that man who has gone to smoke
your husband?"
eyes. TIE, he!''
"Leave the children at homer"
"What's that?" demanded the bride.
didn't you bring the children?"
1--WE have no children, a'am."
''No children?' repeated the old lady,
compassionately "P'r'aps they are
dead?''
"Er-we've never had-er-any children -
the bride answered beginning to get little
mad.
"Never had no children? I've had seven,
an they're all growed up an married.
Children is a great comfort when they re
well brought up. But some people is un-
fortunate bout havin' children. There's
my sister Jane Ann, for instance, she's
been married as long as you or me, an she
amt never had no children, an
just here thes husband returned from the
smoking-car, and, as he took his seat, the
bride laid her head convulsively on his
shoulder and whispered:
81 guess it's no use, Charley; I'm sure
everybody will take us for q bridal couple
no matter what we do And during the
rest OF the journey the bride took precious
care that everybody did.-Travelers Mag
azine.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-14
singular Coincidence.

In city not more than thousand
miles from San Antonio, local clergyman
rented house for a dwelling that had
formerly been gambling house. One
night two young men OF his congregation
knocked at the door, and, to their horror,
their pastor opened the door. They fed
in dismay. And now he goes about telling
everybody he has strong hopes that the
two young men viii yet muster up
courage to study for the ministry, while
they take the pillars OF the church aside,
and whisper: He! He! He! Where do
you think we saw Parson -? Why,
around ut John Smiths gambling room,
bucking at monte. Who would have
thought it?h
The Sunday ofiertory has begun to fall
OF already.-Texas SiftiDgs.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-14

Shust dink off q white man so wicked as dot!
Why not gife der oldt lady show?
Who vas id geds CUP, ven der nighdt id vas
hot,
Nit mine baby, shust like to know!
Und dhen in der winter when Katrne vas sick,
Und der mornings vas shn0wy und raw,
Who make righdt away CUP dot fire so qvick?
Why, dot voS mine moder-in-laW.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-14

The Sacramento Bee says the Chi
cesc take SIS, 900, 900 year out of CALI
ifornia and send it home.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-14


Boston, Mass.-Herr Editor Boston Globe:
Der abofe biece of poultry aloud mine YAM
lily vas wridden for der Detroit F'ete i'resse
some dime ago, und would you pellet it
off der oldt lady. mine moder-in-law. don,d
feel so pad, righdt away, to dink she vas lefd
oudt in der coldt, dot nefer hear de firsd Off
it effer sendse: und so ash der holidays vas
coming along, in der schveet pOoty soon,
already. L dink to mineselluf dot l schust
wride her CUP for a Christmas present, und
SO l send der ENCLOSED lines mid iliusd radions
nv mine oldt friend Boz, who f1rSd dressed
CUP mine "Leed.e Yawcob Strauss for der
noosebabers. Yours respectfully.
YAwCOB STRAUSS.
MINE MODER-IN-LAW.
Dhere vas many qveer dings IN dis land OH
der free,
1 neffer could qvite understand:
Der peoples obey all seem 80 deterrent to me
As dhose in mine own fadsF3aAd.
Obey gets blendy droubles, Nndj2do mfshaps,
Mitoud der least bit Off a cA44Assa
Und. would you pellet id? dhose Enean Yangee
chaps,
Obey fights NIT dheir moder-in-laws!
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-14

"A new hotel at St. Augustine, Fla.
is to cost 81, 900, 900.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

AGENTS
WANTED
BY J. w. Bucl.

The most successful subscription book cv-
cr puDlshcd OocrhaBa million copies Vere
s2M the past eight months, aud it is selling
three times as fast now as ever before. Reg
ular canyasscrs clear from $15, to $25, $40
and $50 per day. Nothing like it was ever
known in the history Of book publishing.
P,oots sent free on applAmtion. No exper-
fence needed to insure success. We help
persons without means to do u large bust
ness; no capital needek. Write for particu-
lars Salaries g,ta1uMter3 to persons '0ho do
MT irish to c,,nraSs on commission. We mean
business and want live agents in every town
ship. 1t will cost you nothing to write for
terms and full descriptions Of our plans of
doing business. We also g|re nrdy standard
backs to persons who send us names OF book
agents. Write for our list of free standard
books.
HISTORICAL PUBLISHING co.,
100 e. 122 n. It'll st Philadelphia, P,.
June 10 It,
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

GRAVES DECoRATED.-Last Thursday af-
tcrnoon the graves Of the Confederate sol
diers who lie buried in Mt. Olivct Cemetery
and other burying grounds about this city,
were decorated with fragrant flowers. The
decoration ceremonies were in chlrgc of the
Confederate Memorial ASS ociation of this
county. The event, although public dem
onstration, was n1y so largely attended as
usual, owing to the refusal of the Cemetery
authorities to admit large crowds within the
cemetery gates, At the graves of the fallen
heroes a prayer was offered by Rev. J. o.
Knott, of Trinity NJ. E, Church, South, and
several excellent and appropriate selections
Of music sung by select choir, under Prof.
George E. Smith, after which the graves
were decorated - Union.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24


Now that we are about to have a fine,
large town hall, Immediately upon the
Square at the intersection Of the two main
thoroHghiarcs, how would a proposition to
to place thereon town clock, strike the
idea Of the general citizcns Something
whereby the Waterbury watches and others
might be regulated daily; one with glass
dial, behind which lighted lamp should be
placed every night one that strikes the
hours, halves and quarters and which should
be properly cared for and carefully rcgulat-
ed for the benefit of all. We believe salts
factory arrangements may be made with the
proprietor and the cost would be a slight
one il the pubic becomes sufficiently inter
e.ted
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

The EDITORS wife had on exhibition in our
office window for several days this week a
large cactus on which there were fifty large
open flowers of rich scarlet COLOR VaRcy
ReUiStsr
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

The Lords Supper will be celebrated by
by the Moravian Congregation Mechanics
town next Sunday morning, Immediately af-
ter the usual service.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

TO day Messrs. Harvey and Morris Rouz-
er of this place are graduated at Pcnnsyl-
wanna College, Gettysburg. The former
will enter the legal, the latter the medical
profession.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

We have examined the metallic single
which Mr.. Van B. Osler has for sale. 1t is
unquestionably an excellent device and is
by no means expensive. They are stamped
in one pattern and would make handsome
and durable roof In using the metallic
Single, there is no necessity for other than
lathcs to be used
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

IF. Davis of Portsmouth, O., sold in one
year fourteen thousand boxes OF "Dr. Sellers
Liver Pill" They cure malaria. Price 25c
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

\ philosophical discussion Of mcsmcrism
as a psychological possibility was recently
followed SO suddenly by Il demonstration Of
the wonderful quictlzng influence which an
act of one or more persons eXcrts upon 9TH
crs, that it has been determined that in the
future, pure discussion will be indulgcd in
and that practical application will be essay
ed only after more mature dclibcration as TO
possible results No one was mcSmrri1cl IN
this instance, but about four persons We're
temporarily pNrNlYzcd.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

=
raise - a rumpus and the market value
of Corp,ration Stock - but the worst re-
mains 10 be told.
-~--~~-----~~---->
ARM BEoNrN.-On Friday last our vcncr-
able friend, Mr.. Samuel Wilhidc residing
about onr nile north Of Franklin Mills was
thrown f"nm moving machine and sa5-
tanned fracture of IN. left arm, above ,nc
elbow and wus otherwise bruised and sh&H-
en- up The Drs. LcNthcrmnn were called
and the fracture reduced. She ac>ideut o"-
currcd through tn" guards catching IN a
stump and suddenly tiltin@ the mower.
----~----------~~~
THE Mr., QJtHAuN IhSLRyAToRY.-lA ms
Wo,l.dcyiscd auxiliary TO Penma' rs q place
of resort is now completed ana we have re-
cciycd at 'lIe hands Of Mr.. Irving 10y, OF
this place, th" Boss Of the Bridge crew, H'c
following interesting items, covering its con
s'mction. In the first place We will say that
this capital outlook, situated upon me
backbone of the Blue Ridge, has been hu!It
from foundation to flagstaff, by the very ct-
ficicn force in the employ Of the w. Md.
company, known rs the Bride" Crew, tn"
| Boss and nearly all the members Of which
ar mechanics, resident in this place. They
arc rcl,ahlp, intelligent and above AL are
heartily III the interest Of the company which
they serve. President il,ojs mcrring
judgement has not failed him in his selection
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

FINE WoRK-The Stock Certificate Book
Of the NJ. V. II. H. Co. is an evidence of the
perfection OF the printers art. The design
aud workmanship is excellent.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

A DIFFICULT SERvICE.--On and after Jul
ly 1st the mail stage for Frederick will leave
here after the arrival Of the Fast Mail ut
G.37 a. NJ, will make the round trip in time
to catch the train east at 40 p. m. which
allows q hours to go and to return from
Frederick with but 80 minutes in town. Mr..
Calvin Fox has secured the sub contract for
the route
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

Let every tub stand upon Its own bottom
a little tub covers no more ground for the
amount it holds, than larger one does.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

The fly, or joint worm, has done some
damage to the wheat IN this yicinity the
injury is not serious in any case reported.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

Our devil" has two girls; his summer
girl is not fond of ice cream and his winter
girl has a dlstaste for oysters. O fortunate
worth
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

We see considerable manifestation of
private enterprise, but none Of public
character
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

Ground has been broken for Mrs. Lantz'
residence on Lombard st; the foundation
will be completed this week and the build
ing will be rapidly completed.
Another of our well.to-do citizens is de-
batting the project of erecting for himself a
residence. The chances are that he will de-
eide to do so and to do it this summer; 1t
will he good one
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

Master Irving Macklcy. who had been Sc
riously i'll oftyphod fever is convalesccnt
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

There is no danger of break in our rec
ord as being the best painted town i'll the
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

VERY ILL.--Wc regret to note the sud
den and serious illness of Mrs. Alice Lynn
wife of VIM. A. Lynn of this town.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

Why is it that young men arc so liable to
get angry at and use the whip upon their
horses just about the time they are passing
the square IN their huggics 1t seems to
be a mental epilncmic that prevails in that
locality ana to which very many become
subject
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

If we had street sprinkler, the new paint
would last longer and it would not be vcXa-
tons to the good housewife to leave the
windows Of her best room open during the
COO evenings,
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

Let the borough put a tax on organ grind
ers we'll publish the ordinance free.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

BrsY.-'Thc press Of job work in this
office is unusual for this season of the
wear. 1t is an unusual and UNI
expected boom that We sincerely trust may
remain with US.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

BASEBALL AT Mt ST.. MARY Son Mon
day last Our Boys baseball c>uh of Baltimore
met with q slashng defeat at the hands OF
Mt. st. Mary's College club, the score
standing to /. Only seven innings were
plaVpI
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

The work of grading and paving the side
walks is progressing satisfactorily
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

Hon. NJ. G. Urncr has taken his son to
Dickinson College to undergo examination
for admission in September next.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

THE EMMNER NICToRIous.--Mr. f. l..
Miller General Manager of the Emmner
Telephone Company, Of Washington, re-
turned from business trip TO Virginia to-
day. Daring the test with the Emmncr and
two other telephones the latter came out
completely Victorious, standing the test
where the others failed entirely .--Nl,rS
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24
Summer Boarding.

New NoLUME,-Our respected nc1ghbor,
the Emmitsburg Chronicle, with its issue OF
the 12th inst, entered upon its eighth vol
umc 1t continues to maintain the standard
of excellence both in tone and subject mat
ter, with which its able editor launched it
and ii is deserving of the success which we
believe has attended it.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

"Dr. Sellers Vermifugc' has 10 equal for
expellng worms. Thousands testify to this
fact. Ifyour children have wolms, try it
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

RAILROAD OFFICIALs.-Prcsident John NJ.
Hood Of the Western Maryland Railroad ac
complnied by a number Of officials of the
Philadelphia and Recalling Railroad arrived
in Hagerstown on Tuesday on a special
train and registered at the Baldwin House,
Of the Western Maryland Railroad at this
place, the party lett for tho Blue Mountain
House from whence they proceeded to Balti-
more.
Wiscacres profcs. to see from this visit an
important movement on the railroad check
cr.hoar1. We await developements.-lI Ia
gerstOWn NelnS
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1886-06-24

EXIT CANINE,--M about O'Clock a. m.
on Friday last the sleeping citizens of West
nam street were startled by the heavy re
port of a gun. The object attained by the
explosion was the death of Sport, the old
and decrepit coach dog belonging to Mr..
Geo. w. Freeze. Sport had been
staring an aggravated form of death in the
face for some months and up until the time
it approached him in the shape of charge
Of shot at close range, had been able to stare
death out of countcnance, but that was too
much for him and he went hence, leaving
all that was mortal lying on the pavement
in front of the dwelling occupied by DR.,
kldlcmoser and Mr.. NJ. G. Cramcr.