The Irish standard., 1886-08-28
STANDARD" BREVITIES.

fine in Spitzbergen.
Men go to Chicago, Ill, and yet arein
the best Of health
A drunkard may not practice law and
vet be a member of the bar.
It looks like great waste for one girl
to be occupying third-story hat.
An instrument for opening mail mat
ter is appropriately called sFletter rip. :
Angels are always referred to as
blondes because they are such light
things.
We never heard Of a woman applying
for the ofie of auditor. That isn't her
nature.
When a man wants to find fault he
will do so if he has to spend all his time
looking for it.
The photographer ought to be very
popular man, for he always asks his
patrons to ''smile.''
A Chicago paper says MIR. Multum
has settled in that city. Then he is no
longer in Parvo.
The only time young girl WILL e1-
cuse her lover for treating her cody is
when he sets up the ice cream.
The man who >sstood on the cere-
znony'' was brought to his senses by
some young person calling on him to
"come on.''
A Boston girl, who wears glasses. says
that she admires pugilism, but conslo-
els it immodest to fight with bare
]znuckles.
A fellow who was scalped by the
Apache Indians says that lis head felt
like red onion with a mustard plaster
bisteringit.
Every dog has his day, and the sum-
1ner boarder has found out that co11n-
try dogs day begins about 4 O'Clock in
5he morning.
A little child once asked his mother
The question: "Mother, what part OF
heaven do children go to who are good
but not agreeable?''
What language is ours! Speak OF a
mans eagle eye and he gives you hzs~
hand: mention his parrot nose and he'll
give you his fist.
t'Did you eaten any fsh?' 'Tell you
the truth, old boy, I didn't even get a
bite" II suppose you forgot to take
the bottled biit along"
A pious old lady recently sent as we'd
ding presents & pair of tiatirons. roll
ing pin and a motto worked on card-
board reading "Fight on"
A morning paper has an account OF
merchants who are selling adulterated
tea. They evidently forget that honest
Tea is the pest policy.
e. southern newspaper gives an &C.
count of a man who tried to hang him
self With towel and came down with q
crash. Such levity is ill-timed.
John L.. Sullivan has not engaged q
cashier for his New York bar room.
John is determined that no one else but
himself shall do any knocking down
there.
1t is Bowery undertaker who gets
rich by running his business into the
ground, while it is Broadway coal
dealer who thrives upou the ashes OF the
CRATE.
A Kentuckian has invented roller
gate hinge. If it will stand the strain
OF one summer in q family of four girls,
II; will find ready sale anywhere on
earth.
Farmers i'll many portions OF this state
report magnificent crop Of grasshop-
pers already. This will compensate in a
measure for the failure Of the hop crop
in New York.
''Let me have piece of chalk. I
want to add that thing up (pointing to a
dnde) to see what it will come to-" ''You
need not trouble yourself, it does not
amount to anything
Doubtful looking guest Landlord,
have you fire escape in this hotel?'
Experienced landlord sir, but we
generally keep the bulldog chained at
the bottom Of it,
Sam Jones seems mystiied over the
fact while minister gets but $500 sal
airy year, base ball pitcher gets $4,000.
There is no mystery about it; the pitch
er has the best delivery.
"Wagner's seigfried," the third
drama of the trilogy, Is really the out
growth Of the .Gotterdammerung, 9