The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1886-06-05
ALLEGED HTHOR.

/ OVERHEARD DIT IllunlRuI Oh d Suu-
| arder-Small boy: MA! Mar My
| dinner won't stay swallered F'-Lite.
| CHICAGO elects aldermen lat large
| New York elects aldermen, but there
are very few of them at large at the
| present writing except on bail.-Texas
| SHtingS.
SHE was eating green corn from the
cob, when her teeth became entangled
| with corn silk. ''Oh dear, }" she said,
81 wish when they make corn they
| would pull out the basting threads"
''THIs is very healthy place" OBJ
served a boarding mistress. "Ies-
| for Chickens" said boarder. ~
| have been here two years and haven't
seen dead one yet" She took the
| hint.
No man saith to the farmer or to
| the editor: Friend of my soul, rest
thyself and take thy pleasure for the
next sixteen hours; eight hours work
is enough for thee. e."-Philadelphia
| Record.
In France a certificate OF birth must
| be produced before a marriage can
| take place. You have to prove you
| have been born or you can't get mar
ried, that's all there is about it.-De-
troit Free Press.
| "WERE you ever caught in a sudden
| squall ?" asked an old yachtsman OF
a worthy citizen. "Well, ! guess so ~
responded the good man. II have
helped bring up eight babies. New
| York Independent.
| Mr.. T. OF prominent banking g-house
reached home at 3 O'Clock one morn
| ing of this week. civilian is that
you?' asked his wife. "W-w-why!"
said William, with profound surprise,
"w-who else d-d-did you expect ?"
A SMART little girl who had just laid
her slate aside in order to adjust her
stockings, was asked by her mother,
"What are you drawing on your slate,
Mamie?" ~ amt drawing on my
slate" she answered, "Pm drawing on
my tocking."-TrOy Times.
GATHER" said Rolo, "what is
meant by intoxication OF wealth ?"
"Means that money is tight" replied
Rollo's father, who has been shining
around all the afternoon with piece
OF paper looking for an autograph
Burdette.
''WHAT lovely COW, Uncle James,"
exclaimed Boston girl the morning
after her arrival, "and how comiCally
she shakes her head" eyes, but
don't We get too near thet cow" eau
toned her uncle tHe's ali ugly crit
ter"
LAwYER-"Do you know the witness
who has Just stepped down, Mr.. Rob-
inson?" Witness-"Yes, sir" 'Do
you think he would ever tell an un-
truth ?" "Tell an untruth Why,
that man would swear to New York
papers circulation affidavit. Pitts
burg Chronicle.
"WHAT's the name of your horse?"
asked Jones of Brown, after he had
driven around him once or twice on
theroad. Congress" "Funny name.
What do you call him that for?" Be
cause he never passes anything. p
Washington Critic.
| BENEVOLENT daughter OF the house
to rural cousin, who is causing some
delay by his second plate OF soup: 81
would like re keep company with you,
if could" Josia.l (blushing): "Oh,
s-only-er-I am keepin' company
now with Almira Higgins, OF our
place. Life.
THE house took fire and Pat hastily
dressing, jumped from the window.
His companion, looking out, cried
"Och Pat, and are yees kilt entirely?"
"No, indade," said Pat, examining
his clothes which were wrong side be-
fore 'but begorra Pm fatally
thwisted"
CUSTOMER to aorist-"Do the flow
ers that bloom in" Florist
isternly) -"sir?" Customer-"Dot the
flowers that bloom" Florist (sot.
to voce)-"Jo is Towser loose, and
the sand bag in the cash-drawer where
/ can reach it?" John lin whisper)
Eyes, sir; an Towser amt eat moth
ing since yesterday" Florist-"Well,
sir, what did you say?" Customer
81 wanted to know if flowers that
bloom in the early part OF the year
bloom again later. r."-PittsbUrg ChrOn-
icIe.
TREAsURER-Wel madame, what
do you want? Don't keep the people
waiting. Woman (who has bought her
ticket before and returned with it J.
| Look here, young feller. This ticket
you sold me puts me next to niger.
Do you hear, next to niger. Treas
urer-Well, tell the Niger if he doesn't
like it he can have his seat changed.
Next New York Tribune.
AMONG the numerous replies to au
advertisement OF Connecticut farmer
for a wife was one from man who
wished to sell his farm. He said there
were two marriageable women in the
neighborhood, and that the purchaser
OF the farm could get either. He Of
fered to sell his place for $500 and to
give a rebate of 500 if the purchaser
failed to capture one OF the ladies.
THE morning OF the execution the
superintendent of the prison asks the
condemned what he will have for
breakfast, when it is the custom to
give the unfortunate whatever he de-
sires. "Well," said the latter, 'you
may get me some peaches. Peaches!
Why, this is not the season for them.
They are not ripe yet" "Oh, well,
that makes no difference" he replied.
"I can wait for them. ''-Ffench Paper.
az HAVE loved you and love you
STILL" he said to the girl be had been
counting for seven months, "but there
has recently come into my affairs a
new order OF things, and fear that We
can never be more than friends. /
cannot marry you" "Well, who ever
said YOU could ?" she answered, with
a snap that jerked him backward out
OF the front door and shattered even
the hope Of friendship Washington
Critic.
| PETROLEUM is the topic OF the Office,
drawing groom, and workshop, and a
great part OF our people think only OF
oil, talk oil, and dream oil. Miss
Jennie Smith, the railroad evangelist,
who has been laboring here, when
leaving the other day, approached at
the train Capt. v well-known
operator, who was standing on the
platform, took him by the hand as
Is her custom, and asked; Brother,
how areyou? Are you on the rock or
sand % The CAPTAIN absent-minded-