Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-07-04

In fact Il man could have rings on his
fingers and bell boys on his toes all the
time if he wanted Id do so.
And yet there will be travellengmenw who
willreceive this kind circular and still hang
back Constant contract with 4 cold, cruel
world has made them cynical, and they
will hesitate even after Mr.. Towel has said
thut he will improve his house with the
money, and even after he has assured us
that we need not visit Kansas ut all if we
advance the money. This shows he is not
altogether heartleSS man. Mr.. Towel
may he poor, but he is not without con-
sideratiOn for the feelings of people who
loan him money.
For my own part, fully believe that
Mr.. Towel would be willing to fit up his
house and put matches in each room If
travelling men throughout the country
would respond to
THIS CALI. FOR ASSISTANCE.
But the trouble is, that the travelling
public expect a landlord to take all the
risks and advance all the money. This
makes the matter of hotel keeping haz-
zardouS one. Mr.. Towel asks the guests
to become an interested party. Not that
he in so many words agrees to divide the
profits proporti0nately at the end of the
year with the stockholders, but he is will
ing to make his hotel larger and if food
does not come up rs fast as it goes down
in price, mean-he will try to make all
his guests feel comfortable while in his
house.
Under favorable circumstances the Roller
Towel House, would, no doubt, be thor
oughly reftted and refurnished throughout.
The little writing table in each room would
have its legs reglued, new wicks would be
inserted in the kerosene lamps, the stairs
would be dazzled over with soft soap, and
the teeth in the comb down in the wash
room would be reset land filled, Numer-
Gus changes would be madein the corps de
ballet also. The laTge-handed chamber
maid, with the cOw-catcher teeth and the
red Brazil nut of hair OH the back of her
head, would be sent dOwn!into the dining
room to recte the little rhetorical burst so
often rendered by the elecutonist of the
drawing TOOm-the smart AlekutiOniSt in
the language of the poet, beginning,
"BfSteakprkStE'n cOldmts," with falling
infection that sticks its head into.,the bosom
of the earth and gives its tail a tremulO
movement in the air.
On receipt of s. from each one of the
travelling men of the Union, new hinges
would be put into the slippery elm towels.
THE PINK SOAP WOULD BE REVARNISHED,
the different kinds of meat on the table
will have tags on them, stating in plain
words what kinds of meat they are, so that
guests will not be forced to take the word
of servants, or rely on their own judgment,
fresh vinegar with sour taste TO it, and
without microbes, will be put in the cruets,
the old and useless cOckroachcS will be dis
charged, and the latest and most improved
adiuncts of hotel life will be adopted.
Why, then, should he doubt and draw
back, and falter and shrink? Why should
he allow pessimism and other foreign sub
stances to get into his system and change
his whole life?
Let him remit S. to the Roller Towel
House, and if this should prove q success
he may assist other hotels in the same
manner. lie would thus feel an interest
in their growth and prosperity Then as
he became more and more forehanded he
could assist the railways, the bus lines and
the bOOtblacks, BARRIERS, laundries etc,
etc, in the same manner. would like to
call upon the American people in the same
way.
Iwould like very much to establish
nice expensive home for inebriates. 1t
would cost, properly fitted up, about
$3.50, 600 or SSO0,000 If those who read
this article will send me $50, by express
or draft, will take it out of their bill the
first time they will stop at my new and at
tractive inebriate asylum. Who will he
the first to contribute? BILL SYE.