The Portland daily press., 1886-03-04
WIT AND WISDOM.

uIfI had been Solomon" said the curb-stone
philosopher, I don't think would nave sent the
iazy W i,, ' could YOU have sent him2 inquired
man with dropping nose, who needed shaving
badly. 49,. t,o,,o+y
And What good would that have done?"
"a great deal, my FREUD. One hornet wo s,.d
have taught him more about enterprise III nHe
colony of ants in three weeks by the closest KIND
of observation. If you want to timber mans
Joints In a hurry, send him to the hornet every
lime and YOU won miss it. The hornet means
business from the very start, and don't you forget
Having been for years a great sufferer from
rheumatism and neuralgia, tried bottle OF
Athlophoros and have taken nearly all Of it. l
mist have more Of it and some for my husband
and mother. Mrs. j. Nelson Jordan Ellsworth
Me.
A recent lesson in the Sabbath school was ON
the death of Elisha and when one of the scholars
came 10 the clause 'They buried him. the teacil-
er asked: "Why did they not cremate NM n,; ~
you think there is any encouragement IN the bipie
~ mo n encouragement whatever was the reply.
They tried it on the three that were cast lnto the
fiery furnace, and they didn't make II WORK
The action of Carriers Little Liver Pills is pleas
SeAA~NNNN 49,
liver, and regulate the bowels, but do not purge
They are sure to please.
Rishon seIwyn, who interested himself greatly
In the poor, one day, coming on company oI
miners heard them talking in very aninateu
way. SO loudly that he said to them; MY trlends,
Something seems to interest you all very mucn;
heard yoIir voices quite in the distance; may |
inquire what 1t is?" To which they Tephsu; ~
see that copper tea kettle there? We found "
and we were just saying that the one VINO "a cp th
tell the biggest lie should have tom salo tHs
Bishop Il am sorry orr f9f tn aearfu bad habit and
so unmanly. Why, never told he IN my me L.
Whereupon the, four miners Sno9Ie9 Ill ohe
breath: "Give the governor the keutle.
Smart Weed and Belladonna combined with
the other ingred tents used in the best porous
plasters make Carriers S. W. & B. Backache Plas-
tiers the best in the market. Price % cents
A wealthy citizen of a neighboring city had been
out until the small hours with conylylal compall-
ions. 1t was not exactly "dry locality that ne
had visited and ne arrived I've nCs sevsre en-
ratio rather than geometrical lines TO get 70 ms
bedroom and into a chair. Then he called to his
wife in stage whisper:
Il can't get my boots of.
ssWhat's the matter with your b0otS?"
"NoZEin," lin stage whisper)
WHATS the matter with your hands, then?"
"Nozzin.o
"WlY don't YOU pull your D00lS on, tnehT
maria, I've forgot the comblnatlon!"
"ouincy troubled me for twenty years. Since l
started using Dr. Thomas's Electric Oil, have not
had an attack. The Oil cures sore throat at once"
Mrs. Letta Conrad, Standish, Mich.
There lives in Androscoggin county a certain
man who has had two wives, and a few days ago
took occasion to tell one OF MS TRENDS ABOUT
them and analyze their merits. Said he:
"My first wife, Forttude was, remarkably
nice person. She was careful, savln woman,
and splendid cook. She was great loss 10 me.
My second wife, Rhoda, was a nice woman, too,
and miss her terribly. Yes she mace goou
wife, too, but she used little just little more
shortenin' than Fortitude did"
Colgan's Tatfy Tolu sells like hot cakes A tab
let of it chewed after meals will relieve indlges-
ton.
Chauncey NJ. Depew says that he has had some
experience with beggars lawyer whom ne
had known as reputable man, and OF whose
downfall he had not heard, came to him one day
and with tears asked for money to bury his dead
wife. The story affected Mr.. Depew, ana the
man got liberal sum. Six months later ne came
hack took out the same handkerchief he had
Esed before, wept the same sort of tears and told
the same story of adead wife. MI D9pew said
Il helped to bury her six months ago"
The man dried his tears and said repfoaeniuiiyy;
'After all the years have known you Woulu
not have expected this OF you"
When you have occasion to use a cathartic try
DR.. Soule's Pills They viii please you.
Little three-year-old Harry johnson exclaimed,
as he was looking at his pretty sister, Mamma L
doesn't like to look at Daisies eyes"
"Why, Harry-why not?n asked his mother
We'll, mamma, doesn't like the way the blinds
are hung"
Children starving to death on account
of their inability to digest food will find most
marvellous food and remedy in Scott's Enul-
sion of Pure Cod Liver Oil with Type
phosprites. Very palatable and easily di-
gested.
Once there was a hired man who was constant
~ astonishing his employer, a farmer, by doing
strange and unexpected things One day the
farmer went into the barn and found that his
man had hanged himself Looking at the body
few minutes in amazement the farmer eX-
claimed:
"What on earth will that fellow do next?"
Bread is the staff of life and good bread can
always be made by using the Congress Yeast Pow
der which was never known to spoil batch OF