Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1886-11-18
STRAY SUNBEAMS.
Gathered as They Sparkle From the
Pen of Humor.

winks at m of the clerks several
times. 81 beg PARDON said the clerk,
I'm somewhat new at this business.
Would you please repeat it?"
81 have to o~ficiate as second in a
duel this morning, but before going I
want to get a pair of gloves. Where
shall | go?" "Why don't you go tona
secondhand clothing %store"
First Tramp-Say, Mike, d. you sup
pose dat last cider we sucked out + dat
l'arl was der real stuff? Second
tramp-Why, cert, pard; why not?
First Tramp-0h, nawthln, only my
breath smells SO much like kerosene
I'm afeared to lighting pipe.-Tid-Bit
Charley, what is a chestnut bell ?"
said his girl. "0hl it's a bell that rings
when any one tells an old story" "Well
they couldn't call me q chestnut bell;
have no ring" 1t succeeded, and they
IRE TO be married when Charley has
Ais salary raised.
"She did wrong to look back, didn't
she, Bessie?" ayes, mamma" "And
what do you think Lot thought when
he saw his poor wife turned into a pill
lar of salt?' II don't know, mamma;
'spect he wondered where he could
get a fresh one
First Bright Girl-There is that hor-
rid little Jinks telling his one single
anecdote to poor Mrs. Smythe. What a
bore he is! Second Bright Girl-Yes;
he reminds mi of u French apartment
house. First Bright Girl-In what
way? Second Bright Girl-A one-story
fiat. Both-Te-he!
A wise dog in Morden. Manitoba.
slipped his collar the other day. and
when his ma,'N'ei. lied refused to come.
evidently f%eariIs. punishment; but in
the night he Icfnrned, managed TO get
The collar over his head, and in the
morning was found chained to his ken
uel, wagsing his tail in conscious
virtue.
"Now, Children" said the teacher
of the infant natural history class. after
tue peculiarities of the crab had been
discussed, lis there any other member
II the animal Kingdom that possesses
the power To m0y" r9i.riily backward?,'
Yes" said ~ o. The most promising
oSiiNAhio, Nv NUN MIL W. ~.
"Are you still going to see Miss
irown?" "No. | am afraid she has
.aken to gambling" "Takcn to gamb-
ngy Impcss;bleii" "Wen / called a
'ouple Of times and she wasn't home.
met her brOther-tllo tough one-and
. said to me: SAY, cant you see my
ister wants to shake your" | told him
never threw dice, and / haven't been
there since"
The ladies at TT. Madison, Iowa, have
formed a brass band. and will begin at
nee to make nj glt hideous. All of the
lamilies that cin, are fleeing from the
'iWn III terror, and those who are
Jliged to remain are appealing to the
~ authorities for protection. 1t is
i'd that the widest kind of excitement
prevails, and hundreds have joined the
church.
Thirteen thousand dollars for the
"iumbing and gas fitting in my housed"
&c exclaimed, as he looked at the bill.
Yes, sir hntnily re,iied the plumber.
"But the bull. Hpl,anl together cost
only ten tloiA.lI dollars" Exactly.
sir, but | had to take into account tile
natural scenery around the place.
Natural scenery Is always figured in
our bills
There is a very bad little Quinn
in Geneseo, I'll. The other day he made
his small sisterdrink kerosene until the
doctor had aEarl iob kceping'her alive;
and after thai lie induced the same
trusting child to liz down on the floor
while he should cut off her head with q
Ratchet. Mrs. Quinn appeared oppor-
timely, Of there Is no knowing what
would have happened.
A Western paper was running q SER
ial story called "The Truth" Last
week so much space being devoted to
the earthquake shock the editor was
unable to run tie weekly installment,
so made the foi owing announcement,
containing, perhaps, more truth than
any other item in the paper: "The
Truth was crowded out Of this issue on
account of the press Of more import
ant NATTER
They are having a "holiness apita-
ton" in interior Georgia, which is not
llways benelicent in Its operations. A
dispute arose between a company of
'ieighbors who were discussing the
'criptures, as to whether Adams claim
to the distinction of being the first man
vas not a false one. AS Il result of the
l@uarrel n of the disputants was sent
, join Adam and make inquiries, while
lother went to Jail. But the agitation
ill goes on.
a brakeman in the employ of the
Delaware and Hudson Canal Company
slavery obliging person, and q thought
u person wltlal. An excursion party,
which included many young men and
women, recently made the trip from
Albany to Lake George, and as the
train would hear n tunnel-of which
there are q good many on the line-he
would call out, in stentorian tones;
Gents, choose your partners for the
tunnel"
There was a meeting of the preach
crs of Lynchburg, Va, and when it was
5reaking up DR.. John Harmon could
ot find his hat. Turning to Rev. II. r.
.scree he said: "One of your Baptists
as my hat "Then," said Brother
Acree, "your hat has more brains in it
han ever before" A few days aftrr
That DR.. Harmon was passing by
Brother AGREES yard. gate, and when
urged to come in said: clam on my
way to preach" You can't PREACH
replied Brother AGREE. $50 | felt for
u long time" replied DR.. Harmon; abut
since hearing YOU the other day, have
changed my mind"
AT a house in Ohio where a minister
was boarding, the servant girl was anx-
ious to anticipate everything in her
work that anyone wished her to do. She
had always " just done it." or was q Just
Going to do it," when any order was
given. This amused the young divine
greatly, and Oh ono Occ sion he thought
to nonplus the girl by Il ruse. al don't
think Eliza has washed my bible since
have been here" lie said to the minis
ter in a low tone, but designed to be
overheard by the girl. A few minutes
Later the mistress said to her, in the
presence Of the clergyman: aEliza,
have you washed Mr.. Blanks bible ?S
mo, ma'am, but I've got it in asoak."
.