Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1886-01-21

FREE L1eUoR.-"I'm out getting opin-
reporter to saloon keeper. care you in
favor of free liquors."
swell, I should smile," was the ready re-
ply. II think this country is the home of
liberty, and I believe every man should
have a right to drink what he pleases,
when he pleases and where he pleases, ab-
solutely free, and all legislation to the con-
trary is sumptuary, and therefore unconstl-
tutional."
s'Do you want to be recorded?"
"You bet your sweet life."
Call right; now I'll take glass of cham
pagne-the best you've got in the house"
It was set out for him and he poured it
down and poured another in on top of it,
and started off.
"Hold on" cried the barkeeper, "you owe
me for that w:1e."
''No I don't either. Didn't you say you
believed in free LIQUOR, and that anything
to the contrary is sumptuary, and there
fore unconstitutional? If there is anything
his principles" And he walked out Wiping
his mouth on his coat sleeve and leaving
the saloon man to ponder on theory and
practice, law and fact.-Hotel Gazette.
A LIMP Young MAN.-At one of the sta
tions of the San Francisco and North Pacific
Railroad, few Sundays since, an elderly
gentleman got off the cars to take brief ob-
servations during the stoppage of the train.
The assistant at the station rushed out and
made regular baggage-smasher'sa attack on
trunk, which he slammed about with a
reckless disregard for consequences. The
old man interposed: "Young man, won't
you break that trunk ?" The "young man"
turned whitening look upon the old gen
tleman, and impudently> inquired: "What's
the matter with you do you own this
trunk?" "No sir !" came back in a tone
that evinced much Indignation, "but III
railroad" AS Colonel Donahue moved
back to the train the limp young man re-
clined against the station for support.
TO THE HoRNET.-"If 1 had been Solo
mon," said a curb-stone philosopher, II
don't think would have sent the lazy man
to the ant"
"Where would you have sent him ?" in
quired man with a dropping nose, who
needed shaving badly.
II would have sent him to the hornet"
'sAnd what good would that have done ?"
"a great deal, my friend. One hornet
would have taught him more about enter
prise in five minutes than he could have
learned from whole colony of ants in three
weeks by the closest kind of observation.
If you want to Timber mans joints in
hurry, send him to the hornet every time,
and you won't miss it. The hornet means
business from the very start, and don't you
forget it."-Chicago Ledger.
CoULD'T STAND PRosPERITY.-'Arey your
parents livingw an Arkansaw school teach
er asked Of boy.
"Mur is, but pap amt"
"What's bad? That mur's livin' or that
Tits bad that your father is dead?"
"Yas; the man that had mortgage on
the crap said So"
"What was the matter with your father??"
"He couldn't stand prosperity"
"Why, how did prosperity kill him ?"
"Wal, old Bill Simmons Civ papa whole
jug o whiskey, an it was MORN ne could
STAN. He done his best, but she doWned
."-Arkaasa,c Traveller.
WHERE THEY DON'T SPEAK.-They
were engaged to be married and called each
other by their first names, Tom and Fanny,
end he was telling her how he had always
liked the name of Fanny, and how it
sounded like music in his ear. 81 like the
name so we'll" he added, as sort of clinch-
er 10 the argument, 'CnaC Wnen SlSter
Clara asked me to name her pet terrier,
at once called it Fanny, after you, dearest"
81 don't think that was very NICE" said
the fair girl edging away from him; how
would you like to have dog named after
you?" ''Why, that's nothing!" said Tom,
airily; half the cats in the country are NAM
ed after me-" They don't speak now.
PARTIAL Loss.-All the children had
eaten their supper, a good plain meal of
bread and milk. All except Johnny, who
was shut up in the closet. He had been a
very bad boy. So after the rest were in
bed his mother tucked him in. She was
too full to saya word, and so was her naugh-
ty little son. When she went and the 9TH
er boys said: Johnny lost his supper to-
night" he could restrain himself no longer
and exclaimed: eyes, but the slide in the
pantry was open and I ate whole cram
berry pie" And the other boys can not
understand the prosperity of the wicked.