The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-06-17
JACKSON. OHIO. THURSDAY, JUNE II, 1886.
THE MERRY SIDEI

"bound boy at the shuckin."
No, that is not respectability that puffs the
doggery-keeper. It's only beer.
The song "over the garden-wall" was proba-
bly, invented by the town COW.
Several young men in Southern Ohio just
now want to Judge, that they may be Judged.
The new riot-gun fires load of buck-shot.
1t is expected to give the mob the "buck-ague."
"Put lots o''freeze' on it," said the old lady to
the paper-hanger, "fur this is a hot room, any
way"
The Winchester thieves will be caught A
man who steals handkerchief is certain to
'blow."
The Twenty-second New York Regiment
dresses in white. Let death come! The corpses
| are already dressed.
VIII Miss Kate Field please quit lecturing on
Mormonism, until the present Administration
goes out of power.
| 1t is as easy for man to be too deliberate as
to be too fast. A balky horse is as bad as a rnn-
away.
Maxwell, the st. Louis murderer, wanted to
he is hung.
Gladstone was defeated on the question of
Home Rule. But many good man has been
there before him.
The Louisville Courter-Journal heads an ar
ticle: "After Democrats, What?" Why, the
constables, of course.
1t is fact that the doggery-keepers in kick
ing against the Dow Law are breaking off the
limb behind themselves.
| -
They actually found a politician the other
day who couldn't, and wouldn't, lie. They
buried him-he was dead.
-
This ought to be good time to sell canary
cages. They como so handy for shipping
spring chickens to market.
Tue Courier-Journal's portrait of frankie
Folsom Cleveland was evidently engraved from
a photograph of Herr Most.
Cleveland threw a five-dollar bill in the
basket, the first Sunday after his marriage.
All, Grover, you'll quit that, after while
The Comrnercial-Gazette says "the better
class of saloons in Ohio will pay the Dow Law
taxi What is the better class Of doggeries?
1t is hard to tell which class is the most unre-
liable, timers or plasterers. One is always
"spouting," and the other always "throwing
mud"
A patent-medicine man always brings some
Joy with him. Many man never gets free
drink until the street doctor comes along.
Washington Democrats are quoted as saying
that "if Cleveland were to run tomorrow he
couldn't carry Texas" Well, he's just as popu-
lar as he'll ever be.
| Mrs. Cleveland enjoys two great distinctions
| to be married in the White House, and proba-
bly, the last one that will ever be in it.
The report that Herr Most will work in the
blacksmith shop of the New York Penitentiary,
is encouraging. He will be in the full enjoy
ment of both strikes and fire.
| 80
Six of Miss Folsom's lady friends were paral-
yzed for five months before her marriage. At
least, we suppose they were, as they kept the
secret of her marriage for that length of time.
| A Democratic paper thinks it remarkable
| that we have man for President who "f1ve
| years ago was Mayor of Buffalo" Well, he
ought to be Mayor of Buffalo yet
A. H. Hardy, Kentuckian, attempted to
carry off an actress, at Toledo. 1t was fool
Hardy undertaking, and the landlord made
him drop her.
The Cincinnati doggery-keepers won't pay
any liquor-tax until they have to. They can't
see how anything can be s'constitutionar'
which robs the stomach of its coveted slop.
They killed white snake over in Pike county
last week. We didn't think they had been
hanging around the distillery long enough to
get that old.
Garland couldn't go to the wedding, because
he wouldn't wear a swallow-tail coat The At
torney- General has sworn never to expose his
brain to the weather.
1t is not'consoling to the disappointed office
seeker to read of Mr.. Cleveland catching fish
over in Maryland, when so many are fishing
without any success save the proverbial "fsh-
erman's luck"
The shouting of the Salvation Army reminds
the old inhabitant of the good old days when
religion was "free pitch-in,' and the power
of the spirit was only checked by the strength
of the floor.
In case of war with Canada, our navy would
have to be strengthened. We will probably
launch several swift-sailing pontoon bridges
mounted with twelve-pounders.
The noisy ID an always achieves the least re-
suits. The wind will readily blow away the
loose DUST but it takes the strong current to cut
its way into the earth.
Thomas Stevens, Kansas man, was arrested |
to get around the world bicycle. He was |
probably arrested as a 1unatic.
The Gallipolis Bulletin grieves because the |
Grand Army of the Republic failed to decorate |
the graves of the Rebel dead. What would the |
boys decorate them for?
Cleveland's marrying in the White House is
an admission that it is wrong to elect old bach
elors to the Presidency. Let's remember that
in the future.
The doegery- y-zeeper sits idly in front of his
den, now, and appeals to sympathy. If some
body don't buy some of his internal slops he'll |
have to quit. Terrible, terrible!
ST won't take your paper on account of its
temperance views,' said fellow on the street. |
Yet, friend, had you read intelligently, aud fol-
lowed its advice, you wouldn't now be a drunk
en- ass.
They were talking of the crops, and the bad |
luck to the farmer, when one innocently re-
marked: ''The fly and rust don't bother us
much but we have worms purity badly'-he |
was surprised TO see the silly women all run.
He only meant cut-worms.