News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-09-16
TERMS S1.5O.
A PATRIOT.


1t was at FL Paso, Texas, that a citi-
zen buckled on two revolvers, seized an
American flag in his hands, and was
about to jump into the street and yell:
'Down with Mexico" when
stranger laid his hand on his arm and
whispered:
"Don'tl I'll give you a dollar not
to-"
"Ain't you a patriotG" howled the
Texan.
"Oh, yes"
"And don't you want to see Mexico
licked?"
"Certainly."
"Then what ails you?"
81 want to get rid of Sc, 900 worth OF
Mexican Central stock first. Please
don't add to the excitement. y WGU
Street ,Ne,Os.
A CHANCE TO SAVE. MONEY.
Patient-Then you think my finger
will have to be amputated, doctor?
Surgeen--Yes, it will have to come
of. y
Patient-Bow much will the job cost .
Surgeon-Fifteen dollars.
Patient is that the best you can 40,
doctor? I'm poor man.
Surgeon-Yes, fifteen dollars is the
best | can do for one finger, but l will
cut two of 'em off for twenty-five dollars.
WHAT ALLIED THE CHEESE.
Lunch Fieud Ito bartender) 81 say,
George, what's the matter with this
chcesew
George the matter with
it. Best StiIton. Don't you like it2"
Lunch Fiend--'No, l don't"
George "That's queer. Co kroaches
like it. Have to sprinkle insect powder
on to keep 'em away from it.-1eras
SJtmgs.
FADED FLOWERS.
Young Lady Ito turnkey)-Can take
these flowers in to the prisoner. sir2
Turnkey-1es. Mem; the thieves an
pickpockets will be glad to get 'em.
They dotes on flowers. But there amt
no murderers in now, Mem. The last
one was pardoned out yesterday.
Young Lady-Oh, Pm so sorry.
QUIET GAME.
Gentleman (outside the Polo grounds)
Sonny, is there game going on in
side2
Small Boy-Yessir.
Gentleman-Are you certaiu1 I don't
hear any howls, or boots, or Kisses.
Small Boy-Dats cause Sullivan's en-
pirin' de game.
THE DIFFERENCE.
Bobby-Pa, what's the difference be-
tween man who is crank and man
| who amt crank?
Father (whO has been accused of be-
ing a crank The man who is crank,
my boy, is thoroughly familiar with one
subject, the man who is not a crank
known little, but not much, of several
subjects.
GROSS INJUSTICE.
Col. Blood (of Kentucky)-People do
me an injustice when they accuse me of
being a hard drinker9
Mrs. Blood Indignantly has
accused you of being a hard drinker?
Colonel-A good many people, but
am not hard drinker.
Mrs Blood-No, indeed, my dear,
you are an easy drinker.-M Y. Times.
salty.
A little miss, while at the seashore.
chanced to get a mouthful of sea water.
/ After thinking some minutes she said
Mamma, do e fishes live in at water
all e time2"
"Yes, dear, what makes you ask?"
"Why, | was just linking at they
must get awful firstly" was the reply
| Merchant Traceller.
THE CoNsIDERATE BROTHER.
"Johnny, did you divide that paper
of chocolate with your little brother as
told you?"
$50 yes, ma. ate the chocolate and
gave him the paper. You know how
the dear little fellow loves to read.
NO TROUBLE.
Lady On drug store)-Have you pos
tage stamps, sir?
Polite Clerk-Yes, madam, the larg-
est and finest assortment in the city.
Can ! show you something in the line of
stamps this morning9
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
THE man who will make sleeps eves
at a young woman will make dogs ears
in a novel
PERHAPS if we conquer Mexico we
can shove our seventy one-cent dollars
off on her.
The difference between some men and
dog is, that they will go into a saloon
together and the dog will come out per-
fectly sober.
THEY arrested a gentleman down in
Newport the other day for blowing the
horn on his tally-ho coach. You can't
go on toot any more in Rhode Island.
If you are just gone on a young
woman, my son, do not color your NOUS
tache, for we have good authority for
the statement that "true love never
dyes"
"'WHAT an inveterate talker Charley
S." remarks Brown; 81 never saw his
like" Fogg replies: . Nor /, either;
'pon my word, believe he would even
talk to his wife rather than keep his
tODOlIa still y