Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-08-02
BRIGHT BITS.

A LADY recently sought to instruct her lit
tie grandchlld in relation to the provldent
breadY' asked she. "DOd,' replied the child,
but Uncle John puts the butter and sugar
on."-Hartford Times.
"WHAT kind of water is ths?" asked Binks
as he drained of glass of Irish whlskyin the
presence of his vile. "Celt, sir" answered
his accommodating friend. And Mrs. Binks
was satisfied that her husband never drank
lntoNlcants. Chic go Rdmbier.
HELP WANTED. - Drowning Man Help!
help! What do you mean by sitting there and
letting me drown, man?
Newspaper ProprieJOr--You should have
advertised. my trlend. You could get all the
help you want through the newspape lid
Bits.
A PONDEROUS old man. who occupied the
entire seat In a car on the Georgetown branch,
snapped out to bow in front of him, "Why
don you get uD and give that lady a seat?"
why don't you get up yourself and give
her two?" was the reply. But the old party
didn't get up, all the same.-Vauev Visitor.
AN enthusiastic admirer of Rubinstein de-
clares that on the day of jud .ment that great
pianist will he asked to play a sonata. An!
then there are eight walls of wrath 60 be emp
tied. s.. John saw only seven. RubinsJeln's
sonata VIII probably he the signal Tor the peo-
pie to pray for the rocks and mountuips To fall
upon them. Or upon the pianO,-byOOklVR
EdDie.
ing birds at all the soda-water fountains?'
says the man with the gag.
"No, haven't"
1t is "A fact"
"What kind of birds arc they selling there?'
''SWh. lows
Then the man with the gag runs.-C incin-
natl Times Star.
A CORRESPONDENT says that when Massood
Mira. the Persian heir, is talking 10 a person
he generally shuts his left eve. If his High
ness were to visit this country, and stop in
several drug stores during an afternoon for
plain, every day, untrimmed soda water, his
| legs would coon become SO demoralized thaC
he would be unable to convey them back to
his hotel without asslstance.-NOrr
Herdi0,
CHURCH DEACON-Have you decided yet. Mr..
Standioh, where YOU would like to go for your
summer vacation
Pars0n Standish--It has been 4 very rksome
year, Mr.. Wrenn, and have thought rd like
to get as far away from my field of labor as
possible.
Church Deacon That's Just the feeling the
the whole congregation has, Mr.. Standish.-
Iid Bits.
DISCLOSING of Naval officers ~ see in the
paper that Admiral Franklin of the United
states Navy ant lhe officers OF his squadron
have been prcsentc to the King of Greece"
observed Mrs. Snaggs.
"Wel," quered Snaggs, who knew a sup
Elementary observation w0ud follow sooner
or later, ~ mink that is n good way 10 dis
pose OF our Surp us naval officers, for | read
about week ago that the government had
more than Il needed. PittsburO Chronicle.
"GEoRGE is working too hard" exclaimed
a fond but foolish Wife, referring TO her hus-
band.
"lndeed2' said friend of her husband.
He does look very pale"
Hes not only SO pale, but absent minded
He does not appear 10 have a thought about
what he Is doing. Only the othrr night W
were out at diuner party, when the host
said, speaking To George: What viii You
havcP George replied: 'Pll take two cards >
Poor man, mes working too hard. "--St. Paul
GeO6e.
"MovEMERTS Of California Pioneers" saws
one of the dailes. Yes, they are moving:
moving 10 the graveyard moving frem the
ranks TO lay their old bones in the sandhills
before the crcmatories yet good start. 1t is
not hard to move pioneer, even when he is
seated at the OarroOm stove and is deep in a
description of how gold was struck on Muir
derers Bar IN the spring OF so. 10 Is not
necessary TO swing cub over him to move
HIM, or to explode n bomb under his chair
"Col. Swiggletop. what IS yours;' Wlll bring
him to his feet as quick as a pent pin under
= schoomarm's bustle.-Saa francisco Netos-
yaff