davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13
THE VERY MAN.

"Yes, am in need of reporter, 1" said an editor: replying to man who had entered the office and applied los pos. ton, " but want q startling sort of a iellow-want man who can make nsws, in other words, want a man who is nos afraid to tell ns."
 "i think that am the mau."
 That may be. bat you must aadss- stand that ths man van, has to be able to tell A plausible iie--one that has every phase of the truth. l"
 "i still say that am the man."
 "Have you ever done much newspaper work 2"
 "No. have never written for nsws- paper"
 Then how do you know you can write plausible lies 1''
 "Beeause 1 have been writing war articles ioF the magazines"
 The editor grAsped the applicants hand. "My dear man" said he. want you"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13
ANOTHER NEW NOVEL.
The Realistic Record of the Bigleton
 Family Seriously Laid Bare.
CHAPTER I.

ChAFTEk l.
 Colonel Bigleton and his wife sat in the parior. They had no daughters, conse. quently they could sit in the best room. As the colonel and his wife had been married thirty years previous to the Haunting of this record in the face of the public, they were pretty well acquainted with each other. In fact they had ire quently met each other. The colonel never failed to recognize his wife even in a crowd, and his wife, 1t was often ob- served, treated him with respect. How rare a quality Is respect. It is almost as rare as ton of coal honestly weighed Of a farmer who gives you as much as three quarters of cord of wood for the price oi cord and half.
 "My dear," said the colonel, how do you like the new preacher
 "I think he's immense" This estimate was correct. The preacher weighed two hundred and sixty pounds. And" con. tinued Mrs. Bigleton, Che has such a wonderful appetite. Did you notice how the butter faded beneath his magic touch ?"
 "Yes," the colonel replied, and soon observed that ham could hope for no quarter in his presence. Although he professionally comes to feed the flock yet his main idea is to eat himself"
 "Oh, no, colonel, he cannot eat him. self"
 "That's fact. wish he could"
 "My dear," said Mrs. Bigleton with q slight change of manner, "there seems te be something on your mind"
 The colonel sadly shook his head.
 "I know there is" his wife continued "and you needn't try to hide it from me '
 "Elvina, there is something on my mind. have pondered and pondered, sill, in the language of Paradise Lost am cohumoxed. don't know what is to become of our son Epimenides.
 The woman sighed. She looked at the clock and sneezed.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13
WOULD WAIT.

Editor of country paper (to publisher. ) ~ l wish the mail would hurry up and come. If l don't get some exchanges pretty soon m have to hold back the pa- per or fill up with original matter"
 Publisher-(Who well knows the edi- tor's original matter "Hold back the paper"
 How long?
 "How long is the mail likely to be de- layed?"
 "Two dayS perhaps"
 Wen, wait for it,"
 ' ! csa 6n up with original matter"
 "Yes, and that's the reason want you sai1.n
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13
CHAPTER II.

SE1A1 EN Ahs
 "Ep," said the old man, addressing his son, don't know what is to become oi you" "Neither do l."
 "What would suit you best2"
 Money"
 "Oh, know that, but what profession would you like to follow?" "None."
 "But then, what do you propose to do?" Nothing" "Alasi"
 "Thaes what I say" "Kas your mother spoken to you 2"
 "Oh, yes, she often speaks to me-"
 "I mean has she told you of our deep concern with regard to you7"
 "Well, she said that she didn't think that amounted to much"
 "And what reply did you maker"
 "None, only that agreed with her." @Alack."
 ~That's what say" Why did the young man act thus? Let us give a complete analysis of Fps character. He was lazy. Why was he lazy7 Why did he not operate an express wagon7 Yes. he was lazy. With this exhaustive summing up 1t is to be hoped that the reader will saderstand the young man. At night while he was throwing away his time looking at "Alvin Josiyn, his father and mother sat in trouble, wou- dering what was to become ofhim. They felt that his life would be fruitiess, as blank as three-act play, but they knew not what to do. They could pray for him; yes, but they did not. They went to the minister and con6ded in him. @What would you do ?" the colonel s<ked- The minister pondered deeply and replied:
 "Shut o6 his feed."
 "why, then, my dear sir, he would starve."
 "True hadn't thought of that" People who met the colonel could see that something vas wearing his life away. In moments of abssraction his mouth would open Hke the prongs of boos.jack. Unless relief came he voaId die. He vould die anyway if he lived long enough.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13
THE DIFFERENCE.

h Arkassaw ct country dasos,
 "Who is that woman, that oss with such pssksd noss and scsswny ssek ?"
 "Thss's Mn- Popplstoa. You ksow her husbasd. He l. . psominsst easAi- date for congress. Ugly. isn't she ]"
 Three ysan later. Report in wssh- ington nswspapsr: "Ms. Popplstoa, tbs handsome wife of Cosgrsssmsn Pep plssos, was dsssssd h as elegant eiasss- colosed vsivst, made vtsh coart ysia; front, iridsscsut beads. Shs l. oss cf the handsomsss womss h Wsshingtoa aad entsstains h . charming mssnss.S
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13
DIDN'T LIRE HIM.

Man to frisDd--@l dont iiks thss e. low Smith.n
 "Whyr
 "Wsil soms time ago 1 asked him se lend ne ten dollars."
 "Asd hs rsfussd you 7''
 sOh. 10; hs l2 nc have tho moasy and tAaes vky am dedging kim.s
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13

MT. Gladstone is accused of being teo much of an American politician. The old man must have read Blaine's book.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13

George w. Cable has been reading to the Vassar girls. A female seminary has many attractions for writers of downy 6c-
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13

An exchange says: "Last week a stranger came to our town with a turned up nose and run down boots." A town with a turned up nose and run down boots cannot hope to become a great commercial center.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13
LIMNIN0S.

The American joke has been formally introduced into Japan.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13

Last week trains were snow-bound in Arkansaw. Just as the engine ran into the snow drift, land agent ceased telling party of immigrants how mild Arkan- saw winters are.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13

l ssber bodsrs mssssf srbous pear ancss. Ell Aasses bs Ausg by ss msis "a ruthss bs Hang in ds mud. most git up lookin' wus dsa woaid sf [ had been Aang oa ds hard gEous', bu, dsa 1 wouldn't be hu't haf 60 had.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13

1 ain't got no coniesdspcs in the haf way man. Hos an col nsa. wont spus, but wa'm meat will.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13

It is sr bad ter bs disceibsd by ss isiss' q h is ter bs kicksd by CT ole family hoss.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13
PLANTATION PHILOSOPHY.

Hard work at de righ, time will ralss CT better crap den pra'S ., dc wrauag time.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13

A country boy applied to an editor for aposition. "Have you ever done any newspaper work1" the editor asked. aNaw," the boy replied, "bst I ken do it" then, noticing the editor tearing wrap pers from exchanges, he said ken do that sorter work better'n the next man fur allus wuz a boss hand at shuckin' con-"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-13

It is said some of the leading statesmen of England are studying the constitution of the United States in view of the possi- bility of revolution in that country, and that many of our governmental features may be adopted. kis to be hoped that those eminent gentlemen will do nothing rash, that they will not make a decided move until they have seen the Arkansaw legislature in session.
 The editor of an Arkansaw newspaper. published at Wiley's Cove, sent the fol- lowing letter to the editor of the No<tA Aneyieaa Revi<aU: "My Dear Sir: Ever since my paper has been started, have of and on, copied from your publication, but you have never copied a line from my paper, the Roostey. 1 have bought your publication hoping to see if you had copied from me, but you never have. am a man who believes that turn about is fair play. When man treats me well, l treat him well, and now, sir, desire to say that am not going to copy anything more from you. don't propose to ad- vertise your magazine for nothing. will keep on, however if you copy the en- closed joke on our county judge. Mind, don't urge you, but don't hesitate to say that if you fail it is all over with us."
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23


The military commission, headed
by Gen. Sheridan, appointed by the
secretary Of war to examine sites for
the proposed location of a United
States military post at or near Chica.
go. has reported in favor of the lake
blufftract of nearly 500 acres at High
wood 25 miles north of the city, and the
president has indorsed the same to
congress for its action. Wealthy Chi.
cago gentlemen have offered to raise
the funds for the purchase of this
tract by voluntary contributions, and
donate it to the government if it will
accept it for the purpose proposed.
The favorable action ofcopgress alone
is now necessary.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23

The Massachusetts legislature has
passed a bill authorizing the governor
to appoint fire marshal for the city
of Boston, to investigate all fires and
report how they occurred. The emeas-
u1e is thought to be necessary to pre-.
the increase of incendiary fires
70 object is to defraud insurance
anies. 1t is stated that in an
ge of 600 fires q year in that city,
Ar ope in ten, are caused by in
es, and the state commission
ssssance estimates that the pro-
portion in.the state is II per cent. or
one in seven.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23

Prince Bismarck put in a word for
himself when the boys of the Rate.
burg Gymnasium recently visited him
at his Lauenberg estate. "Not every
one of you," he said to them, "can be-
come a chancellor of the Empire. But
J if you should some day be elected dep
uties to the Reichstag try not to wor.
ry the chancellor then in power too
much, for, let me tell you, it is always
easier to criticise than to govern
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23

Congressman Findlay of Maryland,
in his Fourth of July speech in Balti-
more dwelt particularly upon the inn
prtance of preserving the sanctity of
70 ballot box. The need of enforcing
he right of every man to vote as he
chooses and ofhaving his ballot count
ed correctly he considered the leading
Question now before the people. Said
hS: "The ballot is the one plank in the
heral shipwreck of confidence to
which either labor or capital can with
safety cling. Let me say to the mon of
this country, and to the men who la
Dor with their hands, of all others,
guard the sanctity of the ballot box
as you would the chastity Of your
wives and daughters"
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23
Current Notes.

The compendium of the Tenth Cen
sus informs us that there are in the
United States seventeen women who
arc architects by occupation.
A treasury expert says that it is
very difficult to detect counterfeitgold
coin. Hesays: "Those filled with plat.
mum have a fair ring and the joint in
the edge is cffaced by remilling. Plat
inum is worth only about one-third OF
the value of gold, weight for weight.
have $50 dollar gold pieces out of
which $14 worth Of gold had been talk
en and replaced by platinum, making
al exceedingly dangerous co unterfeit,
which only q good judge Of coin can
detect. The ring is good and the
weight is there, while the whole outside
of tho coin ingenuine."
John Van Nostrand, an ardent Wing
!; i'll the campaign OF 1914, has large
house on the west bank of the River
Miaccus, in Connecticut, which for
thirty-six years has been surrounded
by n scaffolding. When Buchanan
was elected the owner declared that
the scatfolding should never be taken
down until Wing President was
elected. The boards are removed IL:
they rot and become dangerous, but
the owner, now seventy-five years O:
age, is still firm in his resolve that the
scafolding shall stand as long as he
lives.
Dubuque Herald: Galena has q tree
which has proved one of the most re.
liable barometers. The same has been
watched for the past two years by
Mr.. Edward Marfeld as to it's predic.
tipns, and the gentleman states that
he has never known it to fail. It pre-.
diets rain or q storm by turning its
leaves upward. This it will do, in
some instances, twenty-four hours in
advance, and at other times not less
than four hours. Scientists are un-
able to explain this strange phenone-
non. 1t is supposed that the roots of
the tree are embedded in some large
opening underneath. The tree ba.
rometer will now he watched with un-
usual interest henccforth by weather
prophets. The tree is what is known
as a mountain locust, and is very rare
in this latitude.
"Here. boy" said tllehumorouse edi-
tor, "take this three-ply church fair
oyster skit, this eightecn.carat plum
er joke and this hilarious. all.wool
skating rink paragraph and pack 'em
away in cotton and camphor to pre-
servo 'em from the moths, and get out
and burnish up the strawberry short
cake squib, the picnic custard pie rib.
ticklcr and the green apple mirth-pr
voker. They are n little efrayed about
the edges and smell rather chestnutty,
no doubt, but | guess they'll last an.
other season."-Norristown Herald,
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23

The newspapers Of the world, az.
cording to statistics given by the Ger.
man secretary of state, number 34,-
600, with an aggregate distribution Of
500, 900, 600 copies; 10, 900 are print.
cd in Europe, 1000 in North Ameri-
ca, 775 in Asia, 800 in South Amer.
ica; 16. 500 are in English, 1890 in
German, $3.50 in French and ], 900 in
Spanish.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23
The Alsxioan Pension Biz.

The house Mexican pension bill, passed
oy the senate. makes the following provis.
ions:
It directs the secretary Of the interior to
place on the pension roll the names OF the
surviving officers and enlisted men, includ-
ing marines, MALTA and volunteers, who
being duly enlisted actually served sixty
days with the army or navy Of the United
States in Mexico, or on the coasts or from.
tier thereof, or en- route thereto, in the war
with that nation, or who were actually en-
gagged in q battle in said war,
and were honorably discharged, and
their surviving widows; provided, that
such widows have not remarked.
and provided, that every such officer, en-.
come sixty-two years Of age, or who 10 or
may become subject to any disability, or
dependency equivalent to some cause rec
ognized by the pension laws, as sufficient
reason for the allowance Of pension, shall
be entitled to tho benefits Of the act, ex-
cept where such disability or dependency
was incurred in aiding or abetting the late
rebellion. The pensions are to be 50 a
month, payable only after the passage OF
the act. The law is not to apply to per.
sons already receiving pensions at or over
that rate, and where persons entitled un.
der this law are already receiving pensions
less than $S month, the pension shall
only be for the difference up to s..
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23

Should the process just invented by
q Pittsburgh artisan, ofrolling instead
Of blowing windowglass, prove practi-
cable when thoroughly tested, it will
completely revolutionize that impor-
tant local industry, doing away with
3 large percentage Of the skilled
labor now required, and greatly
lowering the cost of production.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23

Late advices from the United King.
dom, India, France and Russia bring
unfavorable tidings respecting the
prospect for the years wheat harvest.
And late reports as to the crop in the
United States are much less favorable
than previously anticipated. On all
of these facts is based, in large part,
the late advancein the price of wheat.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23
norribl. vitrlolio Dl,arurem.n..

Pittsburg (Pa.) dispatch: sometime ago
the vile Of John N. Duvnll, living In the
suburban town Of Mount Washington, OBJ.
tained . divorce, and on tho same day
married Jacob H. Jones. Duvall made
ao-objection to the marriage. Oneevening
Duvall went to Jones and decoyed him to
ais house. In q stroll about the premises
Duvall led Jones buck Of an old barn and
when sale from observation seized a can Of
vitriol which ho had concealed there for the
purpose, and throw the liquid into the face
II his victim. Jones fell to the ground
Srithing in agony while his assailant stood
~ and gloatcd over his horrible work.
Duvall tllen went to the edge Of q cliff
where there is o descent OF 800 feet, and
shooting himself through tho head, iell to
the bottom. He was picked up and car.
ried to q house near BY, where he lay in
sensible, with no hope 81 recovery. Jones
is in q very serious condition, and IL he re-
covers will be badly disfgured and totally
blind.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23

In reply to recent statements of the
dangers to which this country is SUBJ
jected by foreign immigr alton, Com.
missioner Ulrich of the Board of I'M
migration Of the port of New York,
has written an interesting letter. So
far as the possibility of any danger
arising from too large a stream of for.
eign arrivals is concerned, Mr.. Ulrich
proves that it is this steady and in
creasing tide ofimmigration which has
built up the wealth and population Of
the country to its present level.
During the past five years and a
halt" says Mr. Ulrich, "the ar
rival at Castle Garden have
been over 1000, 900, number re.
turned during the same period about
5000; these immigrants brought with
them notless than $3.50, 600, 600; they
paid for inland transportation about
$40, 600, 900; the duty collection at
Castle Garden for 1ss1-'82 (which are
the only years for which I can give the
amount) was about $4,000. The
productive value ofa man is estimated
to be $1,000; multiply this by
100000. add it to the other
sums given, and you will
appro ximately arr,ve at the sum of
thispauper flood" The rapid growth
in prosperity and the unprecedent
development Of industries in the West
during the past quarter Of a century
has been one of the direct results of
tie accessions to our population from
foreign sources. If We have COINED
some undesirable citizens it is only
because we are compelled to take the
had With the good.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23
YOUNG, P'ublishs,.

Tho latest returns confirm previous
estimates Of the wheat crop Of Cali
fornia this year, that it will be the
largest ever harvested. Returns fur
nished by assessors show a total yield
Of q fraction over 10000, 900 bushels
which leave from California alone
nearly 90. .OoO. 900 bushels for export.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23
General News Condensed.
Aasthsr Fragrant British se..d.,.


Baron do Worms, parliamentary secre.
;ary to the board Of trade in the Salisbury
:abinct, has brought an action for divorce
against his vile on the ground Of adultery.
The baron alleges:
Hi. wife made frequent visits to the Ty.
:ol alone: He suspected nothing ut first,
because the lady is . native Of Austria, be.
.ng daughter Of Baron Won Todesco Of
Vienna, and he discovered that the object
d the visits WAS to meet In criminal inter-
souras Baron Msron, who made appoint
menta for her to secretly receive him There.
Baron dc Worms then secured evidence sui-
nc,ent q to base his complaint ON and make
Baron Meron the correspondent.
1t 10 stated that Baron Msron and the
Baroness de Worms have concluded not to
snter any defense. Baron do Worms was
the Tory member for the Toxteth division
Of Liverpool in the late house ofcommons.
He is forty-six years Of age and 10 here.
ditary baron Of the Austrian empire. His
vile 10 handsome, stately woman. pos.
,essing q fine, voluptuous figure. and has
long been the leader OF fashionable circle,
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23
whole thing was carried out as psr pro-

whole thing was carried out as per pro-
gramme for an entire day, with the en-.
ception of an occasional breach Of ETH
quettc on the part of some of the ladies
who were forced to rush off to safe
places and save their lives by laughing.
Once or twice 1 hal to dig out myself
to find relief. The next day Larry
came around to make call upon me at
the Clarendon hotel. He handed his
card to the clerk. 'seY up to tho
Baron Won Gerolstcin, e4sald he. Tho
clerk looked a, Larry in . da.cd sort OF
way. Baron Won Gcrolstein.' said he,
there's no such person here. ] don't
know him. y
don't you know him. exclaimed
Larry. why, he's the nephew of Bis
marck, and y member of the German
embassy
"'Oh,' said the clerk. L think he's at
the Brcvoort house,
"'Pcrhaps it was the Brevoort house,
and Larry went to the Brevoort, Tho
baroN was not there, but so,pa1
said ho was ut the Stevens
Larry hurried over p
house. Now. it ha
story had got sroul
was told ut the StGS
baron received his rcmittS(
4 Peters,. OH Beaver stree
that moment ut their o
calMo around hero and here
Sam Engle and some NOR,
".Ah. dear baron said
he came in. 1--we found yq
"Thls was more than
could stand. and as for my
Larry glarel at Sam. AM
something began to dawn
he looked very queer when
to me and said:
"'Arcn't you The Baron Won Y
stein. nephew OF the
''Ihen Sam Englc got his breath
Larry said lie, let mo introlue
Carl Otto Peters. Of Schmidt s. Peters
They sell winc.''
''lAarry was staggered for mbmcnt.
but he rallied and-wc!l, when you see
him ask him his opinion of tho noble
house of Gerolstei,l,"
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23
uEnR1xes BOILED m y1xEaAR.

HERRINGS BOILED IN VINEGAR.
,ySteep six herring in water for twenty
u hours. then take out and dry we'll;
place them in q dish, cover with vine-
gar. add one teaspoonfnl of whole
aAspice and bake until cooked This
i always eaten cold
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23
An Editor on Cohae.

The e'l;tor of this paper, who
brought up rs Il girl to do liou
knows as much about that
business as the mixing: of
Observation-Disclosures: IRE
don. mOnastic, cabalistic, n
ic. italic hair spaces, and W
obliged to earn his bread b
of his brow, could secure
situation us cook in any
his man9uvres in the arts
in the kitchen llc often won
unmcthodica! manner in "
housewife conducts her busin
goes through, her work year ID
and never knows -w!tat pie, a d
loaf OF bread, or dinner costs.
is not the way we should conduct
business. Perhaps not one out
thousand even know what IL cup Of
fee is worth. A good many tral
at railroad restaurants know
costs them. but the cost to prod
another thing. 1t costs just a
Of 81 cent for a cup of cof
counting the sugar and milk, E.!
ing the milk was worth tie same
as the coffee, and the sugar the 50
a cup Of coffee would not cost the
ificcnt sum of one penny! The
paid for one cup such as is sold i
cheap restaurants would pura
gallon. Half pound of cq
make th'rty-two cups Of 81
How many house, keepers ~
that question If it was &
Montgomery IN. W stuN
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-07-23
NO sUBlrSsTON.

rspselsd, sig Republican ssnatoes might be
found who would go with tho Democracy and
pass IL IN tho senate.