The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-02-25

There was man once on time VINO tnougnt
| him wopdrous wise,
He swore bV ali the tabled gods he'd never sd-
vertiSe;
But the goods were advertised ere long, and
| thereby hangs the tale
The ad was set a nonpareil and headed
| Sheriff Sale"
| A WEIGH
| She entered the store with a charming smile,
And said to the clerk: 20, Charlie, say,
Have you moment TO spare for me
And let me know how much weighY
| s'One-thirty is what the figures say
How heavy / ami Assist me. please.
And the grocer saw with his weather eye
The young man give her gentle squeeze.
| "Who was the girl?' asked the grocer-man.
For moment the young man answered not;
Then he softly said in a bashful voice,
80, that is the weigh long have sought
Lowell Courier
"Grandma, have you good
teethp' Grandma-"No, dear; unfortu-
| nately have not" Jack-'Then I'll
give You my walnuts to keep till / come
back "-Boston Beacon.
The King of Bavaria has shut himself
up and refuses to be seen. In this coun-
try one, two, or more kings can be seen
by any one willing to put up money for
the sight. -NaShUille Union.
A Down East parson prayed in church
against progressive euchre, and his con-
| gregation, who had never heard of it
before, have been busy learning it ever
since, just to see if it was SO very bad.
Dio Lewis thinks people should go to
bed at 9 and get up at 5. The unso-
phisticated doctor doesn't appear to be
aware that it is between those hours that
all the fun comes off.-BoSton Tran
script.
In the ante-room of Minister of State
SIS the Under-Secretary of State in his
Officer" Eyes, sir, but when he is in he
doesn't receive anybody" ''All right;
I'll come some day when he isn't in. y
French Paper.
He-Are you fond of reading fictionp
She-Very. He-Are you reading the
J serial, Sweet Birdie Simpson" now
running in the Gross Country MagazineP
She-Yes, and all the articles on the late
war. think they are delightfully."-.
7. Sun.
The newspapers are full OF prescrip-
tons for the cure of hydrophobia. What
we consider the best prescription of all
has not yet been published. 1t is this:
Cold lead, one-half ounce. Directions:
apply internally to the dogs head.-St.
Louis CD.
A western exchange says: Pyramid
Lake, in Nevada, has fallen eight and
Mud Lake has risen twenty feet in the
last year And yet people have the eff
frontery to claim that Nevada is devoid
of excitement and growing dull and I'M
interesting.-Puck
Johnny Gust after Sunday-SchooD-
'Say, Jack, what is sockdolager?"
Jack-''Why, don't you know? That's
what they sing in church when they get
ready to 90 home The minister gets
up and says: Let us now sing the sock
dolager' '-Boston Beacon.
Two card-playing friends were passing
through a pine forest in Maine, when
one asked the other this audacious
conundrum: ''Why cannot the proprietor
of this forest fell his own timber?n ''Be-
cause no one is allowed to cut when it is
his own deal. Shoe and Leather Re-
porter.
Yes" said Bobby's father, as he
stroked lis little boys head fondly,
Bobby is keeping bank for his odd
pennies and nickels'' '.And how much
have you got saved up, Bobby?" asked
the visitor. Twelve cents" he replied,
"besides the 1925 pa owes it.'-N. Y.
Times.
This story is told of Bishop Marjorie.
He was sitting next a Yankee navy cap
tain, who said to him: you have in
your province two rival bishops, c.
and another fellow-to which of them
do you incline?" Il am the other fel-
low" said Bishop Macrorie. Living
Church.
Pap" said little Jacob, looking up
from his Sunday-school paper, here is
a piece that says Beer versus Whisky.
Shall | read it?" ''Trow dat paber in
de schtove, Shaky. Inny mans vot says
beer is worse as visky amt fit. for nod
ings except kindling-vood"- Btng-
hannton Republican.
"Shine 'em uppa?'' said an Italian
bootblack to Pat just landed. '.Phat's
the charger" asked Pat. Five centa'
"Begorra, said Pat as he seated HIM
self in the chair, sit is a foine country,
Ameriky, where a poor Oirishman can
get his boots BACKED by gintleman
wild goold rings in his ears, IN. Y
San.
Brown-'I don't see how you can
find time to 90 to church every Sunday.
I'm sure can't, I've so much to do. -
Fogg-"Yes, l suppose you do tuA off a
! good deal of work Sundays. | wish
could do it; but the fact is, | can't 90
without my sleep as well as you can"
Wonder what he meant!-Bost0n Tran
script.
A little Swear old who has several
times visited the dime museums with
his parents. was Sunday taken to church
with a member of the family, and after
returning home was asked by his father
what he saw. WELL" said the Young
ster, "a man got up and shook his arms
and talked; but / didn't like it much,
because they didn't let us see the monk
eys. st. Paul Pioneer-PreSs.
I'm sorry" observed the parishioner,
shat can't pay my pew-rent this quar-
ter. I'm very sorry too, Mr.. Jones, y
returned the clergyman; 'Ipresume you
lost your money gambling in stocks?'
mo, can't say that l did" Then in
specializing in oil?'' mo. To tell the
truth, did not. l attended your church
fair the other evening and got roped in.
to lottery" "Or'-Puck
Two beggars, who ply their trade in
Fifth avenue, are taking leisurely stroll
when they meet another of their guild
who lifts his hat to them with great re-
spect. One of the two is about TO return
the salutation with equal suavity Hold
On!' cries the other; ''what are YOU up
TOP" whats the matter?" Why
with whitening contemplate begs in
the Fourth Wardr'-M T. Mail.
An eminent scientist attributes the re
markable longevity of woman who
recently died at the age of 100 to the
fact that she never wore a high bonnet
liz a theatre. We also understand that
the vigorous health of Philadelphia
mar now in his goth year is due to the
fact that he never went out between the
acts to make astronomical observations
through glass. Norrtstoson Herald