Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1886-12-23
STRAY SUNBEAMS.
Gathered as They Sparkle From the
Pen of Humor.

Would you please repeat itp"
"I have to officiate as second in
duel this morning, but before going l
want to get a pair of gloves. Where
shall | go?'' "Why don't you go to
secondhand clothing store?"
First Tramp-Say, Mike, d. you sup
nose dat last cider we sucked out r dat
lar'l was der real stuff? Second
framp-Why, cert, pard; why not?
First Tramp-0h, nawthin', only my
breath smells so much like kerosene
I'm afeared to light my pipe.-Tid-Bits.
"Charley, what is a chestnut bell?"
said his girl. "Oh! it's bell that rings
when any one tells an old story" "Well
they couldn't call me a chestnut bell;
have no ring" 1t succeeded, and they
IRE to he married when Charley has
Ills salary raised.
"She did wrong to look back, didn't
she, Bessie?" ayes. mammal" And
what do you think Lot thought when
he saw his poor wife turned into a pill
lar of salt?' 81 don't know, mamma;
spect he wondered where he could
get fresh one.
First Bright Girl-There is that hor-
rid little Jinks telling his one single
anecdote to poor Mrs. Smythe. What q
nore he isl Second Bright Girl--Yes;
,le reminds me OF Il French apartment
house. First Bright Girl-In what
wayl Second Bright Girl--A one-story
fiat. Both-Te-hel
A wise dog in Morden Manitoba,
slipped his collar the OTHER day, and
when his master called refused to come,
evidently fearing punishm"nt; but in
the night he returned, managed to get
The collar over his head, and in the
morning was found chained to his ken
mel, wagging his tail in conscious
virtue.
"Now, children" said the teacher
VI the infant natural history class, after
re peculiarities of the crab had been
scussed, "is there any other member
the animal kingdom that possesses
he power to move rapidly backward?,'
Yes" said one of the most promising
scholars, the mule kin dC it,"
"Are you still going to see Miss
! }rown?" "No. | am afraid she has
AIKEN to gambling" "TakSn to gamb-
ing? Impossibler' "Wrll | called a
ouple Of times and she wasn't home.
met her brother--the tough one-anl
70 said to me: Say, can't you see my
lister wants to shake you?" told him
| never threw dice, and haven't been
there since"
The ladies at Ft. Madison, Iowa, have
| formed brass band, and will begin at
once to make night hideous. All of the
antilles that carr iirring from Che
town in terror, and those who are
obliged to remain are appealing to the
city authorities for protection. 1t is
said that the widest kind OF excitement
prevails, and hundreds have joined the
church.
"Thirteen thousand dollars for the
lumbing and gas fitting In my house,"
G exclaimed. us lie looked at the bill.
Yes, sir" hnmhy rol'li 8! the plumber.
But the build ~ tr,i ii,. ngether cost
| ,nly ten thou .thd d,lMrS' Exactly,
,ir, but had to take into account the
natural scenery around the place.
Natural scenery Is always figured in
our bills"
There is very bad little Quinn
in Geneseo, Ill. The other day he made
his small sister drink kerosene until the
doctor had hard job keep!ngher alive;
and after that he induced the same
trusting child to lie down on the floor
while he should cut off her head with a
hatchet. Mrs. Quinn appeared oppor-
tunely, or there Is no knowing what
would have happened.
A Western paper was running q SER
ial story called "The Truth" Last
week so much space being devoted to
the earthquake shock the editor was
unable to run the weekly installment,
50 made the following announcement,
containing, perhaps, more truth than
any other item In the paper: 1.-THE
truth was crowded out Of this issue on
account Of the press of more import
ant matter"
They are having a "holiness agita-
lion in interior Georgia, which Is not
,lways beneiicent in its operations. A
lispute arose between company of
leighbOrs who were discussing the
criptures, as to whether Adams claim
o the distinction Of being the first man
vas not q false one. AS result of the
luarrel one Of the disputants was sent
Join Adam and make inquiries, while
mother went to jail. But the agitation
till goes on.
A brakeman In the employ of the
Delaware and Hudson Canal Company
avery obliging person, and thought
tul person withal. An excursion party
which included many young men and
| Nlx, aIn IN trt
Albany to Lake George and as tn,
rain would near tunnel--of whicl
here are q good many ON the lne-h,
: would call out, in stentorian tones
Gents, choose your partners for th'
tunnel"
There was q meeting of the preach
,rs OF Lynchburg, Va, and when 1t wa
,realing up DR.. John Hahnon coul,
.ot find his hat. Turning to Rev. X. X
Acree he said: zone of your Baptist
,as nv hat" "Then,s said Brothe
Acree. 'ayour hat has more brains In |
han ever before" A few days aftr
hat DIR. Harmon was passing b.
; Brother Acree's yard gate, and whei
urged to come In said: lam on m
yay to preach You can't preach,
replied Brother Acree. $50 felt TO
A long time, = replied DIR. Harmon; "bu
since hearing you, the other day, / hav
changed my mind"
: At a house in Ohio where ministe
was boarding, the servant girl was an,
ious to anticipate everything in h,
work that anyone wished her to do. 81
lad always "just done it." or was "ju
,oing to do it, when aly order WI
| given. This amused the young diviI
, greatly, and on one occasion he though
TO nonplus the girl by u iuse, / don
think Eliza has washed my bible sin,
, have been here, he said TO the mini
ter in low tone, but designed to !
!, overheard by the girl. A few minut
later the mistress said to her, in Y
Q presence OF the Clergyman: Eli
: have you washed Mr.. Blanks bible
= ih uNo yoa,nu, hut I've oOt IL In nSo0l