Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1886-05-27
BOW Faasees Aee DuPeD.
A wesieraer who Had Seen A Little
Life D;scourses on the Daplicity
OF Men.

"No, you can't come any o. your
dodges on me-" said grangerfied pas
senger, as the man with the big, jing-
ling ring full of 'buss checks accostSd
him with the inquiry.if he was going
any further than Chicago. "You can't
play me fort sucker, tell you. I've
had my eye-teeth cut, have. Why,
I've had three lightning rods put upon
my place, every one of which cost me
seven prices, I've been stuck on Bo-
hemian oats, Russian oats, Australian
oats, hulless barley, gold dust wheat,
Seneca Chief wheat, red line wheat and
all o. them things. The last man who
caught me on this scheme said he rep
resented big company and that he was
only allowed to sell ten bushels to one
farmer at $40 busllel. Bimeby he
came around and said he'd sell me fifty
bushels on the sly for cash, providil' id
SIGN an agreement not to tell on him.
He said he'd takin' a-likin' to me an
would just as soon see me get rich as his
own father. 1 took the fifty bushels,
paid him $500, and signed the agree
ment. Three months later found that
agreement in the bank prommissoTy
note for $500 more, which had to pay.
I've been caught on worthless fruit trees
ar fertilizers, an other claptraps by the
dozen. One time l ordered new re-
vised edition Eible, and the blank order
which signed turned up a prommissory
note for $l00. Bout year ago stranger
stopped at my house just before dinner
time. Of course asked him to sit up
and eat with us. He said he was an
agent for the Bible Society and was not
permitted to eat meals without payin'
for 'em, but would be pleased to sit up
if would take pay. OF course 1 agreed
an you just ought to have heard that
man pray. He was a prayer from way
back, AM my appetite nearly made me
sick before he got through askin' bles-
sim. After dinner he asked me to sign
receipt, which he could show the Bi-
BILE Society asa voucher that he had
paid for the meal. Three months later
the receipt turned mp in bank as note
for $65. had to pay it. Last summer
l built anew barn and, of cou rse,
wanted lightning rods on it. A man
came along with his wagon and dick.
cred with him for contract. He prais.
ed the barn and said he wanted to do 9
good jOJ in my neighb0rhOod, seein' as
l was prominent man an my recon.
mend would he valuable to him in his
business, am drew up plans for an eIab.
crate system OF rods, which he agreed tc
put up for $40. 1t was dirt cheap and sc
| signed his contract. After the work
was done / paid him the $40 and s'posed
that was the end ont. But it wasn't
The $40 was simply for putting up the
rods. For the rods themselves had te
pay $3.50. I've paid royalties on patent
farm machinery which fellows would
come along and find in my possession
and, claiming that By using the machine
1 had infrihged on their patents, threat
ened to- prosecute me If / didn't settle
up. I've bought half dozen recipes
for the manufacture of fertilizers and al
many sure cures for the hog cholery
I've been taken in on freight receipts
lotteries, card games, insurance frauds
patent-right yenders, widders, bogus
ministers, serious charity agents an
all sorts o. skin games, but Nv go
my eyes, open at last, stranger. I'm
goin, farther than Chicago, but eff yol
think you kin get "a half dollar out o. mi
for that little piece o'paste-board ant
that brass check you're barkin' up TIL
wrong tree. Do you take me fo- a maj
who has had no experience in the affair
o. this world?'- Chicago Herald.