Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1886-12-04

head.
1t is very annoying to have a bald
headed barber try to sell you a bottle
of his hair elixir.
Young people in love should not use
hot irons for pressing each others
hands.
They do say that a girl never looks
so pretty to a young man AS when she
has Just refused to be his wife.
You cannot expect a girl Of the period
to stand fire because she is accustomed
to face powder.
When a man buys a porous plaster,
whether he likes it or not, lie generally
sticks to his bargain.
Diner-Waiter, l gee you have got
turtle soup on the menu. Is it mock
turtle ?Waiter-No sir; mud.-Tid-Bi Bit
An advertiser calls for a Large self
feeder" He should make the acquaint-
ance OF a fall tramp on his way South.
"What shall we drink" asked the
editor Of the Albany Express. Drink
water. The change will do you good.
Thompson-Suppose a man should
a yoo "a l1A Nlhh NbAttA " Nv .
Jones Observation-Disclosures sized man ?
Mamma: "Frankie, are you eating
those green apples again? - frankie:
"No, mamma; I'm eating some
Others"
Young ladies' now furnish a brush
broom TO dust the coats of their lovers
where they have laid their pretty pow
dered faces.
The nose Of Bartholdi's statue is over
three feet in length. What a terrible
thing it would be for her to have a cold
in her head.
There's one good thing about Liberty.
She is one of the few females in the
country who wont want a new dress
every two weeks.
Josh Billings says that the mosquito
was born Of poor, but honest parents,
who had in their veins some of the best
blood in the country.
A pen-wiper is not &c be despised.
The pen-marks which it receives are
oftentimes more lasting than those
which are made upon paper.
It has been said that New York is
ashamed of her baseball club. This
is not SO. New York is too wicked a
city to be ashamed Of anything.
Wife. flames. the servant girl tells
me YOU often chuck her under the chin
and give her twenty-five cents. DO
you think that's right" Husband:
"What would you have me do-giye
her a dollar?"
One of the Concord school Of philos-
ophers said that he would not abolish
he'll if he could. He may feel that way
now, but later on a change may come
over the spirit Of his dream, as 1T were.
A correspondent says that Geronimo
and his braves played cards all day
Sunday. They are evidently acquiring
a knowledge Of modern military
science very rapidly.
At a recent yacht-race at Newport
Mrs. James Brown Potter wore an IN
amel pin presented to her by the Prince
of Wales. We did not learn the result
of the race.
"The loss of my husband completely
unnerved me,"said a lady to ueighbor
who had been recently afflicted herself.
ayes, dear, and the loss of my husband
completely unnamed me-
Trousers are to be worn larger at the
knees, for which change we are very
thankful, as the old style always bag
there unless the wearer does his pray
ing standing up.
st. Louis and Chicago do not approve
Of the B%artholdi. The ears are regarded
as a direct stab ut the former city and
the feet are a ource OF modification
to the latter.
A Boston woman has written a poem
Of sixteen stanZas and dedicated it &c
her husband. He will not begin tC
kick and threaten TO secure a divorce
until she begins to read it to him.
A New Orleans gambler calls his
assets "E, Pluribus Unum won fol
many. Atlanta Constitution. Yes
and there's an optician up here whose
motto is "Ich dein EYE serve.
Photograph Collector-By Che way
I've been making a collection Of mon
strosities lately. Friend -Indeedp p.
C.-Yes. And that reminds me will
you kindly let me have "a of your
photographs.
Mr.. Howell Is said to be making
studies of life in a newspaper Office
with a view Of writing a novel of which
journalism shall be the basis. We can
give him a pointer. Make the proof.
reader the villain.
A California woman recently paid
her husband $500 to leave the State.
The old joke about his leaving the state
because he couldn't take it with him
has a breadth four feet long, and we
therefore won't say anything about
it.
"Turks never drink Intoxicating
liquor, never abuse animals, are polite
to ONE and invariably kind to
children" The efforts Of missionaries
to ~civilize and Christianize the Turk
seem to have been a failure.
Jay Gould has always declined to 90
up in an elevator, perferring to ascend
any number of lights of stairs on foot.
The reason annot be of
course, and it must be that he has be-
come so independent that he is above
taking a lift.
Rogue-In writing up my case, Mr..
Reporter, please use the term defaulter,
will you? ReporteY-Sorry, / assure
you. I'd like to oblige you, but we
draw the line at $4,000. | regret that
! am compelled to record you Is a
thief.
A youpo mothar aonf a litt1a mann