Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1886-08-21
Saturday Smiles.

Henry Irving declares that when he was here
before he only SKINNED over this beautiful
country. He also intimates that he will not at
present make another professional tour here.
He probably thinks it best to wait tor more
cream to rise.-B0ston Record.
"What is your husbands business?" de.
manded the census marshal. "He has no BUSH
ness" replied the woman of the house. "Well,
what does he work al?'' '.He doesn't work at
and what do you dor" plain sewing and
washing and ironing."-Burdette.
',Che upper class lives the longest" says q
writer on longevity. We have no doubt of this.
Inc private soldiers who fought in the rebellion
are all dead, and only the captains, majors and
colonies remain.-BOston Courier.
The bravest boy will quail when he appears
In public tor the first time after he has had his
hair cut by his mother.-NeW Haren Ne,os.
There is a demand in New York for the COIN
age OF half-cents Evidently New Workers want
the Grant monument fund.-LoioeH Courier.
Tom Anjerry of the university of Texas has
trouble IN meeting his bills. To pressing
cree ne said; .! can't pay you anything
this month";. "Thats what you told me last
Texas .Sittings.
An old lady of seventy, being left a widow and
make living, said:
Pm sure cannot tell, unless become bal.
let girl.'-Boston Courier.
NslsosWsil, Jones has paid the debt Of
hung?" Vistor-"Hung? What do you mean9
He died a natural DEATH" Merchant-.Oh
supposed that nature must have gotten her
deot as the rest OF US always did-by execution"
Life.
"What is wanted in this country" said the
nrloe, as she examined the wedding presents
rs not civil service reform, but silver service
reform. This set is plated. "-Boston CbuTter.
!td0tts tells the story of a conductor on a slow
raliroad who told one passenger that he had
the passenger, "this must be your second trip"
1t Is already predicted that the coming
winter will be unusually mild and open. H'sh!
Don't mention it. 1t Is not yet TOO late to hav
the retail price OF ice advanced.
Husband Qmpatiently to wife)-I told Won I
only wanted half a cup of tea, and, as usual,
you've filled II TO the top: Don't you know
ought to by this time.-Nes0 York Sun.
washington lady TO Mr.. Evarts)-"Do you
not think, Mr.. Evarts, that Daniel Webster was
duced?" Mr.. Evarts with a qualifying cough
Nv eil-er-ah-um-for his time, madam, for
his time."-Puck.
Really. madame, your daughter is perfectly
Of marriage "Yoa are riehf: bun a tsn o1 H
Know am much too young to let her marry
French Paper.
A woman writer thinks that her sex will
is hoped not. About twenty-five years ago
women took up so much space that three Of
tnem niied one side of the street car. Since dis
stu take about as much as is required ny two
men.
The man who wants but little here below
may Ieei toerably confident that his desire will
De granted.-Detr0u Free Press.
A young man who has q good deal of spare
time on MS hands wishes to learn Of something
tnat wiu Keep him occupied. We can think Of
n nMH o onanes hslgnt married and tip
Eyes," said Mrs. Homespun. "James has been
great sunerer. since we were married he has
R ns twenty-five fevers." "lndeed!' calculated
r,o,sg; ano-er-Was he paid anything for his
SAKE OF making recOrd?"-B0st0n Ir0nscrip.