Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1886-02-20
THE PRIMARIES.
A Supposed Glance at Our City Politics
and Their Manipulations,


and Their Manipulations,
EDS. RECORD UNION: There are two in
stitutions in our country that deserve the
careful attention of every American citizen.
| refer to the two primaries One re-
lates to our system of primary instruction
at our public schools, and the other is the
well-known political primary" Hereto
fore it was considered in order that any
" old stick of teacher was good enough
to teach the baby A-B-C class, but vague
notion of the invariable laws governing
cause and effect has to a certain extent
modified public opinion, and the future
teacher of the primary school will no doubt
be more competent to teach the young. 1t
does not so much require high order of
knowledge as it demands certain qualities
and their proper exercise.
just now. The political primary al
though in fact one of the most important
factors of our political and civil liberty, is
generally treated with contempt.
Scene I. lot of men meet in a saloon
to kinder talk it over" and the essential
of the talk" is "sundry drinks and
things are fixed" So much for friend
Democrat. Our friend Republican does
the same thing in Republican" saloon,
the ''slate" is slated, the bargain is bar
gained, the ''swop'' is swopped. The patent
India rubber platform and the corrugated
resolutions are fixed up. The sundry "re-
spectacle" element is placed on the COM
mirtee, to give tone, you know, but only a
few, very few, are wanted. If too many
come they might spoil 1.-The job" And now
the Central Committee is loaded, and we
are ready for ..'the primary"
Scene 2. A hall-a dirty hall Sawdust
on the floor, raised platform containing
table; lonesome flag on the wall, pitcher
of water and glass. Low benches without
backs (where do they get them from !?
never see any except at a primary. En-
ter loafers, citizens, dynamiters, better ele-
ment, Central Committee and young and
old rising stars of the bar, some mixed
fellers, etc. BY and by Central Commit
teeman from among the audience calls the
meeting to order and nominates the Hon.
Bilkus Bargain for Chairman. A loafer
yells Second EN- ocean, the aforesaid
Central Committeeman then puts the
''motion" and as near as | can remember,
it sounds like this: You have heard the
motion, gentlemen all in favor say aye ::
it's carried" The Hon. Mr.. Bilkus
Bargain now emerges from among a pack
Vi icdiCio, tiAOhE doldC Hllu Vi tODdCcD,
pulls down his vest, straightens his neck
tie,runs his fingers through his hair and
disarranges the same so as to give him
distinguished mien (mien is good) climbs
up on the platform, gives dignified and
patronizing look to the left and right of
him, mechanically takes the pitcher. pours
out glass of water, takes just three delib-
crate swallows-very deliberate mechan-
ically sets the glass down, and says, Eel
Ter citizens" and the loafers yell in chorus,
Hooray." He repeats, Feller citizens"
and continues to deliver meat little
eulogy ON the party mo matter if it is
old. the audience, especially the loafers,
and the candidates and the Central Com
mitteemen and the rising stars at the bar
stamp and cheer. Some other parties are
elected to act as Presidents, princi-
pally from among the respectable ele-
ment." Why from them? Don't know,
but suppose because when a man becomes
a Vice-President he may see and hear but
keep his mouth shut. A Committee on
Platform and Resolutions is nominated by
the Chair" and the committee are ordered
10 retire. They climb upon the platform
and disappear mysteriously. The aforesaid
| committee, as near as we can Judge by ap-
| pearances, is composed of about the follow
ing proportions: Two loafers, two dyn-
amiters, one citizen, one better-element,
three =" workers (not workingmen, but
fellows that :" fix things''), two Central
Committeeman, six young and old shining
stars of the bar (?)-yes, both bars.
Scene B. It's carried; not a dissenting
voice.
Scene 4. A rising young shining light OF
the bar is nominated for an important of
flee. The aforesaid young shining light has
borrowed black suit of clothes and had
his hair mucilaged down in front for the
occasion. How providential With ma
jestic strides, worthy better cause, our
youthful hero wends his way to the plat
form. Briskly climbing upon the platform
he assumes an attitude. His right hand is
gracefully hidden between the two upper
buttons of the borrowed black cloth coat,
and with eyes raised TO the ceiling he says
" Fellow-citizens: You have known me
these many years. You havs known me
as boy and man. | well remember the
| time when / was boy. Little did dream
when ran along the streets of Sacramento
with the machine [cheers from the loaf
ersl that | was to be chosen candidate
by the mach, | mean the Democratic
party. | tell you there is but one party
that is pure, and toe represent that party
lCheers from the Central Committee The
Republican party, so called, is corrupt
Why, just look at the Vanderbilts, the
Goulds, and other monopolists; are they to
be permitted to throttle labor by the throat
No, be the gods WEI Il rise in our might and
sweep them from the face of the earth.
GVociferous cheers, by loafers and dyna.
miters.] l tell you, fellow-citizens, the
Chinese must go. [rempestuous applause.
. tell you, fellow citizens, that | am an
out-and-out Democrat right or wrong II
stick to it. Yes, I'm Democrat FL
always be with We, boys. tCheers.l | in
dorse your platform from top to bottom
and from bottom to top. Gentlemen,
: thank you, and in conclusion say. down
with monopolies and the Chinese must co. ,
Paroxysmal, deafening and excruciatingly
exhilarating manifestations, including
whistling, stamping, yelling and bowling
Scene s. Saloon. Present the aforesaid
Central Committee, Mr. President of tn,
Central Committee: l move you, sir, tha
the buffers as has been nominated by u
last night be made to come down now Tn
in for cash on delivery and no chalk i
down for me. 1t costs coin to run the ma
chine, and votes is votes nowadays Time;
, amt like they was before them Citizen As
sociation fellers bobbed up. / knowed tn,
time when vote was two bits
but now-dog- gone them Citizen Asso
citation fellers-it's hard gette1
'em for two dollars. Now / be.
| yer pardon if talks too long aside, Wait
| er straight-yes. all around''); but l can
see for the life of me what kind of racke
them Citizen Association fellers are up to
J They don't appear to work for coin, nor d,
they work for office-at least many O
them do not Can any of YOU fellers tell me