The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1886-07-30
A Certificate Wanted.

just do like to run across an Eng
lishman who is fresh to this country
and determined to combat American
ideas. He is good deal better 80
pany thas an American would be in
Europe. Such chap rode with us
from vicksburg over to Jackson.
Excuse me, ye know" he began as
the conductor came along, "bnt Id
like a compartment to myself. y
There was no place to put him except
in the baggage car, and when this was
ascertaiDed he replied: A<
"Ah, well, I'm no bloomin' chump,
We know? Is this o hair line rail-
roadp"
"Never heard that it was,'' said thc>
conductor.
"Then why didn't they direct Inc
the hair line? What's the use, y,
know. in fellow creeping and twist
ing all over the country to fetch up at
some place which is on a h air llne?'
We had no sooner got him quietces
down on that than he began to tinG
fault with the scenery along the rold,
Its devilsh awkward, We know, TO
be gazing at nothing but p |he
forest" he broke out '.lf there ara
no mountains cliffs, valleys or pretty
villages, why not go to work and pro
vide tllem9 They can't expect fellow
to put up with such as this and go over
the route another time.
We rubbed him down gently, and
had restored his good natuse when we
| side-tracked for ten minutes for tho
other train so pass.
I'm no bloomin' chump, ye know"
be began at the end of two minutes,
"'but certainly protest against this
delay. If there is only one traclt who
is TO blame for it? Is my valuable
tlDe to be taken up in waiting here be.
cause the other train is not ON time!
In the first plaGs their is no h'air line;
then there are no compartments then
the scenery sets one crazy; then we
must switch off and submit to delay.
Gents. observe that protest"
We patted him on the back and l,gli-
ed the storm, but it broke out again rs
soon as we reached Jackson. He ditln't
like the situation, ri the hotel nor assy
of the rooms i'll it, nor the way the
porter tall5ed back 70 him. and he iuug
himself into y chair and exclaimed;
I'm no'hlooniin' chump, We know.
but can't go this-rea!ly, can't"
While he Mad beer fussing arouud.
we had put mp Il little JOB on him. and
now informed him that there was y.
carriage at tie door to drive him to u
tine hotel in tho subHuhs-a place we
had not time to visit, .,a#..
That's Jolly. and / wont forget the.
favor. yc know he said rs hc tossed
/ his bags into tho hack, and drove on.
| The driver was ,tirecte,l to take liim'
to the Insane Asylum. aDd the order;
was faithfully carried cut
I'm Il blooEn' chunsp if it isn't Il
fine building. though can't say much
|, feE the scenery said the man Us they
| drove up. .... ..
! He alighted with'rril his baggage and
4 entered the superintendent 5 Office. In
4 about an hour lie returned 30 the hotel.
/ 1nsl bursting into the office where we
| sat smoking he hotiy Hnnpssnced:
FIRST there is no Aiar lrus; tnen no
! compartment: then no scenery: hen no
double track; then asaivc ;ss the tavern
4 10. tand it only, II. thitd-rate' &;lnD house:
| then I'm sent Knocking asoout TO
1 suburban hotel, and when ! reach ii
/ what does the buld-hAtlrd old cuck-:,-
dos.ile OF II landlord iuiorln sne, Why.
gents. THAI I've got 70 have Il ccrt,i-
oaie of insanity to 70 adm ,.e,l! I'm
Il b3oom;n' chump IL your blarstcd
i c9ialsry ism t enough .e.drive- one w .lt;! -
Nj Qnad. In DGtr0it ffne i9essl