The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1886-07-30
FINDS HE HAS MARRIED THE DOG TOO.

FINDS HE HAS MARRIED THE DOG TOO.
The president sat at his desk yesterday
morning with his head resting on his hand,
and with several unused vetoes lying around
handy.
"Danel," he said in tone so earnest that
there was sadness in it.
Eyes, sire, responded Daniel.
'Did YOU. wife ever take dog to raise'"
eyes, sir"
"When DanelF'
"When she was much younger than she is
now, SIRE"
"Was it kept in the house, Daniel 7"
Eyes, sire. 1t slept in our room as watch
dog"
The presidents face lighted up with look Of
relief
odd it curl itself up and sleep right in the
middle of your back, Danel?'
"Of course not, sire. Why do you ask such
strange question p
The light left the presidents face and the
earnest look came back again.
'Oh," he said, assuming an air of indifference,
there was no particular reason, Daniel, just
happened to be thinking about house dogs in
their domestic relations, that was ALL"
Then there was silence and the president
stuck his pen through veto and held it poised
ready to stick it on the first bill that looked
suspicious.
THE DEMANDS OF BUSINESS.
"Why that cruel, relentless look, George,
me? p
"Hush" he whispered hoarsely "the nature
OF my business demands it,"
OOH George, does opening oysters require
such cold, Implying expression :"
~ am no longer an oyster OPENER" he re-
piled, and the cruel, relentless look became still
more cruel and relentless; "Im a baggage
master"
A young man advertised for wife, his sister
answered the advertisement, and now the young
man thinks there is no balm in advertisements,
while the old folks think it's hard to have two
fools in the family.
wanted to get my girls spliced so bad that I
had to 60 out and lassoo 'em and bring the
young men in. One of the grls-No, father !!
Nob.y said +, Give me the lassoo
"Lauray" said Mrs Parvenu, on the hotel
piazza, to her daughter-"Laura, 60 and ask the
leader of them orchestras to play that 'sympa-
thy from Meddejohn over again. It's such
an awful taverite OF mine and your fathers,
too"
"When I goes shopping" said an old lady,
81 alters asks for what | wants, and if they
have it and it's cheap and it's suitable and l
feel inclined to take it and it can't be got at any
other place for less, almost alters takes it, with
out chaffering all day. as most people do
A St Albans youngster, who was being put
to bed the other night, wanted his back scratch
ed. and that soothing operation was being per-
way be started it: "Now lay me down to
sleep, pray the Lord-scratcb, why don't
your
Bobby was very much impre/ I'D by the re-
mark of the minister at chur& that man was
made OF dust. ma" he said After a thought
full silence, "was made OF dug t, too ?" eyes,"
she replied. t'Well, how is lit then that my
hrt h1av in Iouuarv1 mint no
dust in January"
prudent man advised his drunken servant
to put by his money for rainy day. The
man earned good wages, bat the most of it went
down his throat. In few weeks his master
inquired how much money be had saved |
Faith, none at ALL" said he. sit rained yes
terday, and it Advent"
In view of the fact that there is great de- |
mand for popular songs with unhealthy sub |
jects, such as "Birdie's Dying" II Must Seek |
the Golden Shore" etc, the Musical Herald |
suggests that some poet get up volume of the |
various stages of illness suitable for musical |
use and call it "Poems Of General Debility"
George DEAR" said sweet young wife to
her husband, "I've had a talk with the servants |
this morning, and have agreed to raise their
wages. They said everything was so high and
The price of meat aud butter had risen to such a
price, and everything. thought that this was
complain of the same thing"
A Cambridge mother sent heY small boy into
he country, and after a week of anxiety has
eceived this letter 81 got here all right and
forgot TO write before it is a very nice place
o have fun. A fellow and went out in boat,
Ind the boat tipped over, and man got me out
md was sofull of water | didn't know moth
ng for good long while. The other boy has
,ot to be buried after they find him. His moth
r came from Chelsea, and she cries all the
ime. A boss kicked me over and l have got
o have some money to pay doctor for fixing
ny head. L lost my watch and | am very
Orry. | shall bring home some mud turtles,
nd | shall bring home tame woodchuck, if l !
an get 'em in my trunk"
The other day passenger who had come
rom the West entered a ticket office in Buffalo
nd presented ticket, which had been punched
My to Detroit, and asked for the difference in
are between that city and Buffalo.
"We don't do that kind of business" replied I
ne agent.
"Well, that's an Internal nean trick on me-"
rowled the man. "Fhis was my wiies ticket.
he died at Detroit, and so couldn't use it,"
1.-The company isn't to blame, is it p queried
'e agent.
"But am l It's what they call interference
Providence, and if you folks don't shoulder
alf the loss with me, I'll never let my secoad
life travel rod on This road"