Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-06-07

A beautiful woman, with an artifi-
cially-hightened color, once said to Gen.
Shields: How is that, having obtained
so much glory, you still seek for more?"
"Ah, madam" he replied, with more
force than politeness, show is it that
you, who have so much beauty, should
still put on paint" francisco
Arg0n0ut.
First passenger-.I have been over
the country good deal in my time and
| think the Great Eastern & Western
line is the best ballasted of them all.
The track is perfect, sir" Second pass
Commercial traveler?" First
passenger-''No, sir; | am an actor" :"
Second passenger -"Ah, yes; see."
n. Y. Times.
Jim Webster being once more before
the court, his Honor asked: Haven't t
you been in Jail for stealing chickens
once before?" mo, sab; no. indeed |
hain't Praise de Lawd foah His in
fernit goodness and mussy, nobody
hain't cotched me yit. Hit seems as eff
l was protected by de higher powers. y
TerdS StttingS.
The King of the Samoan Islands has
sent as gift to President Cleveland a
jug of liquor, drink of which will keep
man drunk for three weeks. We
violate no confidence in stating that the
President will not open this jug until
the next delegation of Missouri office
seekers strikes the White House.-Phild-
delfohiG Press.
t1a% Il -, Il
will open the American Exhibition in
London next May ''by means of the
telegraph wire" This idea is not new
We have heard of a man opening q
store by means of piece of wire.
Sometimes the feat is performed with a
nail. 1t is against the law, though
NOrriStOaCn Herald.
Manager of star actress Ito hotel pro-
prietor) r)-''You can tell the reporters
that Mile. Fam Fam has forty trunks on
the way, one of which is filled with dia-
monds." Hotel proprietor with look
of relief)-'I am very glad to hear it,
sir, but we don't want the trunks for
publication; we want them simply as a
guarantee of good faith. IN Y Times.
When Dick Thompson, of Indiana,
was made Secretary of the Navy some
one called upon Mrs. Thompson to con-
gratulate her upon her husbands eleva-
ton to the head of the Navy Depart
ment. She could hardly believe that
the news was true, and said to her
visitor: ''Why, Richard isn't fit to be
Secretary of the Navy-he can't even
swim. "-DetroH Free Press.
Young Lady Visiting in Kentucky)-
''What a number of colored people there
must have been at the political meeting
last night! l see by the morning paper
that nearly all of the vice-presidents
were colored." Hostess Impossible.
nv dear. Let me see the paper.
| Looking at the paper o, Col don't
mean colored; it means Colonel. -
Harper's Bazar.
''How long did it take you to cross the
ocean," asked Gus De Smith of very
aristocratic lady just returned from
Europe. 81 was seven days on the
water" ''Seven days! Why, when my
brother went across it took him eight
days" Probably your brother went
over in the steerage. l was tirst-cabin
passenger, she replied proudly.-Ter-
as SJtings.
In Canada. Fair Americaine
we are perfectly delighted with the
country; and as for Mr.. A.. l don't
think anything would tempt him to 90
back to the States" Blundering Cana
dian-'I Indeed? And-er-I beg your
| pardon, but was it bank or only an
ordinary business house with which
your husband was connected?" ?"-Boston
Transcript.
In New Bedford, Mass, the other day
a youngster of 6 years, who was gener-
ally not seriously inclined, had loose
| tooth, and his mother made prepara-
tions to pull it with a string. He looked
on the preliminary proceedings with
considerable awe, and, evidently a little
uncertain as to what the result might be,
he said: Mamma, don't you think you
had better pray before you pull the
| string? g?"-BoStO7a Journal.
A young Austin lawyer was appoint
| ed to defend negro who was too poor
to hire counsel of his own. After the
| jury were in the box the young lawyer
challenged several of them, who. his
client said, had a prejudice against him.
Are there any more jurymen who have
a prejudice against your whispered the
young lawyer. mo, boss; the jury am
all right; but l want you to challenge
the jedge | has been convicted under
him seberal times already, al maybe
he is beginnin' to have prejudice agia
me. ~ Ierds Sfttings.