Morning journal and courier., 1886-11-29
ORDERS.

A certain smug young lady of Lewiston, Me-, whose affections were sometimes exas. perating, greatly vexed the man who was carving Thanksgiving turkey by replying to his customary question that she guessed she'd have slice of the bust.
 tsThs infant King of Spain has received orders from the King of Portugal" They are not described, but from experience we pre-. sume that they were: tfTake your thumb out of your mouthi' s'Stop droolingl" and 'sKeep your fists out of your eyes."-Puck.
 Drummer Selling real coffeee'tJust smell of that and you'll buy ton of it." Grocer (not recognizing the aroma)H"Guess you've made a mistake. If yer wan ter sell any O them turin drugs fer coffee you've got ter git that pecoo1iar scent out'n it.-Tid Bits.
 A blissful arrangement: Little Dot-ssI like my papa best. Don't you yours?' Little Dick-'No, don't. My papa spanks me- ? "Mine don't me; mamma does, though"
 My mamma hardly ever spanks. Wouldn't it be nice if my mamma and your papa should get marriedT-Omaha World.
 A tramp who had succeeded in inducing the cook to give him & breakfast, during the eating of which he indulged in great deal of talk, and used the expression ''I seen" very frequently. ''Why don't you say I saw ?" asked the cook, who was something of 8 grammarian. 'Because I don't,'' was the satisfactory reply.-Pittsburg Chronicle
 Miss Ethel-'sYes, indeed, we girls are fully alive to the justice of the popular criti- cism on chattering women: and that is the reason we organized our Thought club" MT. Thought cluba'' "Yes, and it's doing us such world of good" 'I don't doubt it.' ''No, indeed; why, at the last meeting we talked for five whole hours on the advantages of silent meditation. .'- Omaha World.
 "What is a CaliphF' asked an Austin teacher
 Pupil-A prince, ruler, king.
 Tutor-And where does he reigns
 Pupil-Where does Caliph reigni
 Tutor-Yes, where does Caliph reign; you heard me we'll enough.
 Pupil-A Caliph reigns-
 Tutor - Well, where does the Caliph reigna
 Pupil-The Caliph reigns - the Caliph reigns-in Caliphfornia, I suppos. .e-Te1as Siftings.
 Painfully surprised. One of the tony young men of Detroit who appeared on the toned cape overcoat, was halted on the Cam pus Martins by pedestrian, who hurriedly said: ''Say, you, if you are coachman to the fat lady who went into the store you'd better get your rig around as soon possible, for she's tainted away, and there's half dozen clerks out looking TOT you. The tony young man had no good place to drop on so he leaned against telegraph pole until the shiyers had ceased running up and down his spine.-Detroit Free Press.
 In some Texas cities the inhabitants are obliged to rely on cisterns for drinking water. A house in Houston being for rent gentle man who desired to obtain it, asked the pro prietor, who was none other than Dan Me Gary of the Houston Age: 'sWhat sort of drinking water have you got," 'tThe best in does the water in the cistern never run dry?' ''lt never did but once, and that was before there was beer saloon in this neighborhood Now there are three places where you can get beer, aud of course there is no danger of the water in the cistern not hold ing out "-Texas Siftings.