Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1886-12-04
A ReminIaeenes OF AFtemus wand.

A Remtnlseenee OF AEtemus Ward.
I shall never forget the last time saw
Artemus Ward.
We were in London. my husband and
myself, and learning from a friend that
our Yankee humorist was to lecture one
night 10 Egyptian hall We determined
to be among his hearers. / had heard
him several times In America and was
anxious to see how an English, audience
would respond to his New World droIl-
cry, ms unequalled humOr.
1t was the hope that We might meet
him and have a little chat together that
We went quite early, hut though We were
among the first who gathered there that
night he YVES nowhere to be seen till
the lecture @ mmenced.
The people came In In a Struggling
fashion and occupied the front seats and
those In the body Of the house. The
hall was little more than half full, re-
member the lights seemed dim, the dis
tances dark and solemn and the archi-
lecture dismal In the extreme. The
hall was like a huge tomb built for the
reception Of dead and gone Pharaohs.
On settee not far from our party five
gentlemen sat together. I fancied they
were clergymen and had come with the
avoWed intention Of sitting out the exer-
cises in grave and digni6ed silence.
When Artemus made his appearance
it was pititul to see the ravages diseaee
mad made In one short year. His face
was thin and paliid, his hollow eyes
glistened with a light inexpressibly pain
full, and held that strange expression pc
culiar to cOnsumptves, as one looking
outside the world. Even as he spoke he
caught his breath, evidently in pain,
and pressed his hand to his side.
My husband turned to me with the
brief sentence: 'The man is dyingp'
aud so he was.
With one expressive glance about the
place, scanning ceiling, lights, shadows
and semi-darkness, the man took a step
forward, and commenced in his usual
hating speech and assumed timidity of
manner:
when the Egyptians this hall
the principles or acoustics were not
fully understood neither. is it presum-
able, had the matter Of ventilation been
very ensivelY-ventilated
There was a smile on the faces OF
many, but nothing more-and yet the
humOr Of the thing was exquisite, ]
! could not keep my eyes from the five
| clergymen, who sat shoulder to shoulder
ike sOmany sleek. sOft-coated seals. Not
a tremor betrayed that they were con
/ sciOUs Of muscles-their faces were stern
their lips compressed, their broWs un.
bending. Their stOidity possessed g
fascination for ne that even Artemus
/ Wards inimitEble PRESERVATION could moi
shake OF. Again and again his odd
fancies provoked from our party both
! laughter and tears, bat still that cleri,
cal cOnclave sat it out and did not even
smile. Could it possibly be that they
were ObiviOus Of the subtle wit Of his
burlesque, the rare changes in his face
Presently the moon appeared in his
! cOInlcal little panorama, Wavered, trem-
bled like a boat struck by a sudden
squat and then hung as if suspended
/ limp and mOlOnless on some lunar hook
/ midway between sea and sky.
Artemus looked guizzically over tC
those five clergymen. 1 think he he'd
seen them all them that out Of the cor
ners Of his eyes.
ST you viii excuse me, gentlemen, %
he said, impressiVely, 81 viii 60 out and
see to my moon. L think the moonist, 6
a small boy, afat boy by the way
an English lad, vino is to nightly man
age my celestial apparatus has gOt
cranky or gone to sleep-possibly il
may be because the audience is So small
tO-night--though appreciative' {
long pause-''that he is afraid I shal
cut him short two and sixpence;" anC
with that he went behind the scenes
/ perhaps, poor fellow, to gain a moment
respite from pain and to catch ms breath
fer he WIS painting with the exertiOn o.
talking, even then.
There was evidently an effort on the
part Of the five TO keep from smiling
during this speech, and while Artemul
was gone the moon lighted itself with {
tremendous effort, aud glared IN such {
unique fashion that first one and finally
all Of my five stocks and stones, as haC
mentally denominated them, relapseC
into audible laughter, and their white
chOkers began to wrinkle.
Artemus came back, be glanced at the
side seats and saw that the ice was bro
ken. 1t was what he had been waiting
and working for, and it seemed that the
triumph gave him new life. From that
moment those five men were slaves Of his
humor. They laughed till they cried
and most certainly the brilliant Snowman
outdid himself. Every movement, every
glance provoked peals of laughter. il
was as if having put restraint upon
themselves so long they were eager tC
make up for it. was satisfied. The
gifted son Of America was at last gPpre-
ciated, and though the applause came
late, it did come, and ArtemUs Ward Weni
home happy.
Some few days after that a friend
called to see the humOrist. He was sicE
and almost speechless, vet managed tC
repeat some Witicism about his sands Oi
life terminating on a sand bar, and
spoke regretfully Of never expecting &c
see his native land again.
He never did-the next day he was
dead.
A Deceived Woman
! IL, u-EH