The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1886-09-02
CAUGHT ATARTAK.

CAUGHT A TARTAR.
A decidedly handsome young man was
strolling down Fifth avenue, New York;
great boulevard of wealth and fashio n
He was rather tall, well built, elegantly
dressed, but yet did not seem to be hap
py. He seemed to be absent minded
and there was on his face a careworn look
stout gentleman, about ten years olde,
than the young gentleman with the sad
careworn expression, was coming from
the opposite direction. He stopped and
exclaimed heartily:
Why, John, how do you do, my dear
boy? Have you forgotten your old
friend %
4" Doctor, l declare didn't see you un-
til you spoke
And yet you were looking right at me-
Don't apologize, for Pm not going to re-
proach you. When a man marries one
of the prettiest girls in New York-and
one who is rich beside-it is no Wonder
he don't see his friends when he meets
them on the streets"
Doctor, ] am not going to dispute
with you, for | admit that am a little
absent minded. 1t is true that am very
happy, but"
But What do you mean by that
qualifying word? Are there any miti-
eating circumstances, SO to speak p
No, can't say that there are, but
"There it is again. OF course, don't
want you to give anything away, but if
you have any trouble you can confide it
to an old friend with perfect safety.
Perhaps l, being doctor, can suggest a
remedy"
81 would be perfectly happy if it were
not foT my wife's mother. She is devoted
ly attached to her daughter. They are
as much together as if they were Siamese
twins. Ihave been married whole week,
but | have not been alone with nv wife
five minutes since the ceremony. / fully
intended to take bridal tour, but when
MIRO. S~viftly a";1 ~ho would s. I~~c,. 80
take care of us, | changed my mind.
When | want to travel for misery, instead
of pleasure, / can drive an undertaker's
wagon. The truth is, my dear doctor,
that it is with difficulty that can per-
suade myself that am really married"
"That is bad state Of things. l don't
see how any remedy can be applied, but
perhaps your motherin-law may marry
again. She is upwards of 40, / suppose,
although nobody would think 80 to look
at her Widows are like young babies
The first six months they cry great
deal, the second six months they begin
to take notice, and they experience good
deal of difficulty in getting through the
second summer. Without meaning any
disrespect to your worthy mother-in-law,
l venture the prediction that she will
marry again, and then you will be liberia
ted. In this country the manageable
age for women runs from IL to 1O7."
"Don't mention such thing, doctor,
as Mrs. Swiftly marrying"
"Why not?
"My wife is to inherit all her mothers
property. If she marries again may be
left out in the cold. 1t makes me shud-
der to hear you talk about Mrs. Swiftly
marrying
"You are right. That would never do.
/ wish / could suggest some plan, but
don't see how l can be of any use to
you.''
You can help me, doctor, and you
must. Call around at the house this eve
ming. My mother-in-law is very pleas
ant conversationist l know you like a
good bottle Of wine and fine cigar.
She don't object to smoking. I've got
them both in abundance. You can enter
tain Mrs. Swiftly while and my wife
take little walk. You are the very man
l want. All you have to do is to talk
to nv mother-in-law for an hour or so
while become acquainted with my wife.
You, too, are splendid conversationist,
and are so full of wit and humor that you
can get her so interested in your conver-
sation that she will not notice our alb
sence. This is a hideous fix am in.
know she means well, but her kindness is
killing me. Do you know what her kind
ness reminds me of?''
81 can't imagine"
{" My mother-in-law reminds me Of
tame bear who loved his master very
much. One day the bear saw a fly on
his masters head, and thinking to do his
master favor he struck blow at it, and
drove away the fly, but nearly knocked
his masters head off, My mother-in-law
imagines that being constantly in the
room with me and my wife that she is
showing us great kindness, but l would
prefer to have her hit me on the back OF
the neck with rolling pin."
"My dear fellow, you know that dis
like ladies' society"
"Yes, know you are really woman
hater, but wish you would do me the
favor to come over tonight and talk to
nv mother-in-law."
"Well for your sake I'll do it,"
"Thanks, thousand thanks. I'd do as
much for you."
.Don't mention it. By the way, dc
you know why the word honeymoon il
only applied to young married people ?"
"That's something that has. puzzled me
ever since got married"
at is because the moon only affects
the tied. Now you understand. DOM
you ?" said the genial doctor, as they
parted.
The parties to this conversation were
/ n l0vrr