Daily Republican., 1886-02-03
SunbeamS.
Painful windows.


A difficult point to grasp-the end of an
cells tail.
If all flesh is grass, was Adam the fodder
of mankind?
mans lot is not happy one, il it is q
swamp lot -Picayune.
Patent medicines are now made that will
cure everything except hams
Turning over a new leaf-Trying new
brand OF cigars. Exchange.
Household receipts Patohes-generaIly
found on the youngsters trousers.
Progress of civilization-A Denver Indian
has been convicted of forging check.
"What is the boundery that separates a
smile from tear2' Give it up" The
nose"
The keeper Of an insane asylum who hus-
ties the lunatics about is q ''shover of the
queer.
Dead men tell no tales. II is not necessa-
sary. The obituary writers do that service
for them.
If Gov. Butler is o chicken in politics, his
V-toes show him to be Dorking. Turner
Fails Reporter.
If the cabbage crop proves failure this
year, the price Of genuine, imported Havana
cigars may go up.
The woman who is interviewed BY a sew
ing machine salesman suffers more or less
from sewer gas.
bonnet covered with birds does not sing,
but the fellow who has to pay for it whistles
when the bill comes in
man told his tailor that he wouldn't pay
for that last epilepsy" 1t was discovered
that he meant "bad fit"
"a great change has come over me, "
sighed the small boy az he lugged home a
bag full of pennies from the bank.
An old captain on the lakes used to be
called "Sinbad the Sailor, till he lost ves-
sci now they name him "Sailbad, the Sim
ner."
The Cleveland Herald believes that the
next great genius of this country will be
woman. She will probably invent two
hand fiat.iron.
member of an Indiana brass band wa.
shot recently. III he ever RECEIVERS his wind
he will not waste it on the desert air Of the
town In which he lived.
The horse that ''went through the war" is
still alive and kicking in several parts of the
country. Like Washington's body guard
that particular animal will never die
Plantation aphorism When see man
wild a sort OBJ dry smile on his face, it doan
make no difference ef he toats o Bible in his
pocket, deals wild him mighty careful =
Toledo an.
Bad little boys will be sorry to learn that
the glass shingles now manufactured in Pitts
burgh are more durable than the old-fashion-
ell kind Their warming qualities are more
powerful, also.
young man is languishing in Jail at
Evansville Ind, for stealing an umbrella.
The NEXT time he wants to put UP something
for rainy day he will burglarize bank and
flee to Canada.
An oysterman at Steelmanville, N. j., has
an oyster that measures IL "a inches in
length and IL inches in width. 1t was
evidently intended for the mouth of some
minstrel performer.
Dakota is now called wonderland" The
wonder is that n man can live there twenty
four hours without being blown into the
next country and strewn over forty acre
lot, or frozen to death. Eye.
An egg farm is to be started near Birming-
ham, Ala, and all the darkeys within hun
dred miles of it have suddenly come to the
conclusion that the climate of that place is
just what they have wanted for years.
'You wouldn't take me for married man,
would you?" asked student of q Cortland
girl last Sunday night. 81 rather think
would if you should ask me-" was the re-
Spouse. He brought ring next day.-Mar-
dtton independent
'How do you like my waffies2" asked 90
ciety belle of her guest Gould not be
nicer. was the reply. Did you really make
these yourself ?" "Oh, yes, indeed read
off the receipt to the cook, and turned the
patent four-sifter all by myself.
poor man in New York City was lately
arrested and given six months because he
had just killed cat and proposed TO eat it.
There seems to be no disposition on the part
of New York authorities to allow the poor
any of the Injuries of the season. Check.
A Philadelphia man who lost his left |
ouu AOAShhBVt III Hill IIhS
had very good substitutes for them made of |
rubber. There is fortune in this misfor- |
tune. All he need do to get rich is to hire |
himself out to tack down carpet. -Sundayl
Gall
A Connecticut man has invented a cast |
iron case for q woman to wear over her
thumb and finger while driving tack But
it doesn't sell. Somehow woman would
rather smash her thumb fatter than a pan
cake than admit that she needle such an
article. Boston Post.
woman is never content to say. "He
pulled my hair" She particularizes thus (:
''He pulled the hair of my head" This is
necessary in order to distinguish between the
hair of her head and the head of her hair
which she purchased at the store. Boston
Transcript
q
'What's the crowd about ?" queried a
stranger, as he noticed a stream of visitors
going into fashionable residence. "It's a
diver weddin, obligingly replied his inform
ant. whats silver weddin ?" "Why, q
hap been married about twenty-five times,
md he's celebratin' of it.
GAN right the clothes are done nm in tin Z