The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1886-12-09
4 VACANT THRONE FOR RENT.
Bill Nye Politely Declines the Job Of
King Of Bulgaria.

ing copy OF a cable despatch Just Tor n
warded to the Allied Powers of Eu- I
rope tt
HUDSON, Wis, Nov. %, p
To the Allied PotCers, care Of lord Sal i
isbury. c
GENTLEMEN Your favor OF recent t
date regarding my acceptance of the I
Bulgarian throne, which is now va t
cant and for rent, in which you ten |
der me the use Of said throne for one d
year, with the privilege of three, is at t
hand. You also state that the allied
powers are not favorable to Prince
Nicholas and that you would prefer
dark horse. Looking over the entire
list OF obscure men, it would seem you
have been unable to fix upon a man
who has made a better showing than
| have.
While thank you for this kind Of
fer Of throne that has as you state,
been newly reftted and refurnished |
throughout, I must decline it for rea-
sons which l will try to give in my
rough, unpublished way,
In the first place read in the de-
spatches to-day that Russia is mobiliz-
ing her troops, and / do not want any
thing to do with country shat will
treat its troops in that way. Troops
have certainly rights as we'll as those
who have sought the pleasenter walks
of peace,
That is not all, do not care to en-
ter into a squabble in which / am not
interested Neither do care to go
to Bulgaria in the capacity OF car
pet-bag monarch from the ten-cent
counter, wearing boier-iron over
coat by day and stab proof corset at
night. have always been in favor oil
Bulgaria's selection OF q monarch Uiro
poce or pon popuR, which ever you
think would look best in print.
! hate to see q monarch in hot wa
ter all the time and threatening to alb
dictate. Surprising he does abdicate
what good will that do, when 1T
leaves widow with nothing but
secondhand throne and a crown tw'
sizes too small for his successor?
have always said, and still say tina
nothing can be more pitiful than tn
sight OF lovely queen whose husban
in wild frenzy Of remorse, has al
dicated himself Nothing, | repea
can be sadder than the picture OF
deserted queen, left high and dr.
without means, forced at last to so
the pawnbrokers with little plate
fluted crown with rabbit-skin ear tai
on it!
We are prone to believe that mo
arch has nothing to do but to issue {
ukase or mandamus and that he W
have all the funds he wants but su'
is not case. Lots OF our most success
full monarchs are liable to be overta
en any day by long cold winter al
found as late as Christmas reigning
their spring sceptres.
am inclined also to hesitate abo
accepting the Bulgarian throne for a
other reason--I do not care to be
posed when want to be doing SON
thing else have had my depositi
taken several times and it did l
look like me either time.
/ think that you monarchs ought
stand by each other more. II y
would form a society of free and
dependent monarchs there in Euro
where you are so plenty, you COZ
have good time and every lii
while you could raise your salaries
you worked it right.
Now you pull and haul each otI
all the time and keep yourselves
hot water day and night. That's
way for dynasty any more than /
one else. 1t impairs your usefuln
and fills our Geographic columns
of names that we cannot pronour
Every little while we have to pay
operator at this end OF the cable
for writing in rapid, flowing HI
that "meanwhile Russia will cont
to disregard the acts of the Sobran
Why should great country
Russia go about trying to make Il
BILE with a low-prieed Sobranje
think that closer alliance of Gro
ed heads, whose interests are ident
would certainly relieve the monot
OF many a long, tedious reign.
were to accept the throne of Bulgs
which is not likely, so long as my 4
right arm can still jerk fluent CT
cut saw in the English tongue, Iw'
form syndicate OF monarchs,
grips, passwords, explanations
signals every sceptre would ha
contralto whistle in the butt end W
could be used as sign Of dist
while the other end could have
in it, and then steering tote
dynasty down through the dim
OF crumbling centuries would no
"a ::