The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-06-16
flashes Of fun.

VII Ssou CIlS COIIcc UO6Sn L
owe me anything" said a boarder at
the breakfast. 81 don't believe it
would ever SETTLE"
-"Misfortunes never come
singly," remarked Jones, when a
young man sat down to play his
own accompaniment to a song.
"The way to Sleep" says a scien-
fist, "is to think Of nothing;" but
this is a mistake. The way to sleep
is to think it is time to get up.
At a dinner she had a doctor on
either hand, one of whom remarked
that they were we'll served, since
they had a duck between them.
Yes" she broke in-her wit is of
the sort that comes by flashes
"and [ am between two quacks."
Then silence fell.
"A good Rochester, n. Y, pastor,
a widower, proposed to a young
lady, a short time since, but was
rejected. His feelings had the sec
ond severe test when a widow neigh
Dor sent him the following text to
preach from: "You ask and receive
not, because you ask a miss"
A young mother travelling with
her infant child, writes the following
letter to her husband at home: 1--WE
+ all doing well, and enjoying our-
selves very much. We are all in fine
health. The baby can crawl about
on all-fours. Hoping the same may
be said of you, [ remain" etc.
Applied Science-Miss Foy:
Madam Mr.. Foster has come to take
me for a drive, may [ 60, madam ?
Madam: You know, Miss Foy, the
rules of Vassar do not allow it, I'M
less you are engaged-are you en-
gagged to Mr.. Foster? Miss Foy
(doubtfulIy): Mo-, buff you let
me 90, | shall be by the time we get
back.
An old Scotch lady was told
that her minister used notes. She
disbelieved it. Said one, $50 into
the gallery and see." She did 50,
and saw the written sermon. After
the luckless preacher had concluded
his reading on the last page, he said,
"But | will not enlarge The old
woman called out from her lofty
position, aye Gamma, We Gamma; for
your papers give oot!"
A good old Congregational dea-
con, living in a small town not fer
from Rutland, Vt, was recently
taken to task for "~hoss-racin'" on
Sunday. His defense was: Il don't
approve Of hoss-racin', but when
another member of the church be-
so goddess as to try to pass
me on the road comm home from
meetin', [ feel it my duty to the
church to let out a leetle on the
reins just to keep him from putin
his trust in earthly things.
MY DEAR" said a husband to
his wife, [ am unable to get any
sleep. I have tossed about ever since
[ came to bed. [ wish you would
get up and prepare me a little lauda-
num-" "It's hardly worth while,
now" she replied, consulting her
watch; "it's almost time to build
the kitchen fire" Then he sank into
a quiet, restful slumber.
There is an old veteran Yer
monter who is always inventing
excuses for going on a spree. He
got glorious on the 18th of March,
and met a friend, who said: Now
look here, Jake, you have no excuse
to-day you are not an lrishman."
We'll" responded the veteran with
dignity, 81 guess I'm part Irish.
Anyway, I've got a Cork leg"
Denver modestly asks that the
obelisk which is crumbling in Cen
trail Park should be sent out there,
because the climate will be easier
on it. If the obelisk seeks a healthy,
wholesome, high, dry, invigorating
climate, we offer it the hospitalities
of California. Monumental cheek
may flourish in Colorado air, but we
have the great and only obelisk
climate on the continent.-Sdn Fran
cisco Alta. H.#L.
An old woman sat on a bench
in the Grand Trunk depot wiping
her eyes with her handkerchief,
when a portly man, full of sympa-
thy, said to another: at is sad to
see falling tears, it always makes