The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1886-12-03
VARIETIES.

The cup that neither cheers nor inebri-
ates-the hic-cup.
Whenever New Highlander gets dys-
pepsia he knows that his stomach is in apple
pie order.
Fish is good brain food, except in in
stances where it doesn't find anything to as
simulate with.
-"Ah what would life be without the no.
bility?" said an English lady, musingly.
Peerless, madam
81 have great love for old hymns" said
pretty girl to her masculine companion. II
am much fonder of young hers" was his re-
ply.
William Rowe was arrested in Western
town the other day for beating his wife with
hoe-as if a man hadn't right to hoe his
own Rowe.
1t is said that sharks will not bite q
swimmer who keeps his legs in motion. If
you can keep kicking longer than a shark
can keep waiting you are all right.
Instead of much obliged, Thanks" or
Thanks awfully much" the Anglo-dudes in
catching fwEm
-"You can't git me to vote for that man."
said farmer, referring to statesman who
had been taking in the county fair, "hes too
much of a dood." "How is he q dude ?" "He
pernounces punkin with an m and p"
you see," said an English gentleman,
who was handling his dinner with wonderful
appetite, to Scotchman dining at the same
table, 81 take great deal of butter 10 my
fish" cay" said the Scotchman AN deev-
ilish deal O. fish to your butter, tool"
-"Oh, Miss Brown, who was the homely
young lady you were with this afternoon?"
THAT, sir? That was my sister," "Oh-ah-
| "a
noticed the resemblance! That is-that is"
Then he wished an earthquake would happen
right then and there.
Emma goes to school, but dslkes it very
much, A lady friend of the family question
ed her on the subject. Emma, what do you
do in school Do you learn to read ?"
Emma shakes her head.
'Do you learn to writer"
Another shake.
Then what do you dor"
II wait for it to be out"
There is nothing like strong common
sense. An Irish soldier went to his station
with the order to report anything remarkable
that should happen during the night. A
drunken fellow fell of the wall and broke his
neck and no report was made. When ques-
toned about it Pat replied: Faith, and 1
obeyed orders. If the man had fallen of the
wall and not broken his neck, should GER
tainly have reported it,"
"A married woman was telling staid lady,
somewhat on the wrong side of fifty, of some
domestic troubles, which she in great part at.
tributed to the irregularities of her husband
"Well," said the old maid, "you have brought
these troubles on yourself told you not to
marry him. was sure he would not make
you good husband" "He is not good
one, to be sure" replied the woman, "but he
is a powerful sight better than nonew
The Wiliiamsport (Pa.) Sun and Banner
publishes the following proof that advertis-
ing pays "a regular visitor at this Office
brought in his weekly donation of apples and
pears, with which he filled the poetry basket,
the other day, and remarked: Now don't
mention this in the paper; your senior item
lied little gift like this for me once, and
said that Mr.. - has thrifty pear orchard
full of magnificent fruit. The night after the
paper came out some miserable scamps came
to my place and skinned every tree on the
premises"
The late Rev. Joel Halves, of Hartford,
is remembered by many as a most eloquent
divine. Singularly angular in person and
quaint in manner, he preached truth in
most forcible way. On one occasion, after
announcing that the usual collection would
be taken for foreign missions, he added, in his
most impressive manner, "And would say
to those persons who are in the habit of put
ting buttons into the box that would thank
them not to hammer down the eyes, for the
Lord is not deceived, and as buttons they are
valueless." 1t need not be said that there
were no buttons that day.-Ha1per's Maya.
zine.