The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1886-04-02
Il LITERARY FACTORY.
WAResoF THE RHYMEsTER, ORATOR
ANpLETTER-WRiTER TO ORDER.


/ AND pLETTER-wRiTER TO ORDER.
The inner Workings of the Bureau Re-
| vaa.ed by the Boss Of tho Machine
81 WHAT the Poetic Department Compre-
| hessaa- Orations and Correspondence.
a favor of decay suffuses the hallway
awhereit is nailed, peeking out from a cluster
/ Fsz e sss=sFszfis4 modest fslaea=d somewhat
| stainedand nildewed, but struggling still to
make tie announcement that within is done
htaraFs work of all kinds, pamphlets, speeches,
poetry and that private correspondence is a
/ ssseeissstss The light in the hallway shows a
rambcg " doors opening ON the passages, and
| above esteh q large number ON metal strip
| of econonii: dimensions A reporter who
read the alliterative inventory of the depart
! ments of letters to which the inmate of room
- devoted himself was led to visit that
apartment.
There was fisyure at the desk, and the re-
porter utmost backed out and abandoned his
investigation at sight OF it. For he was not
the kind of q literary worker he calculated on
finding, but u tall person with the inpertur-
babl4 face Of all antique sculpture and a pro-
fusioii of very black and very oily ring
not seem strilfingly adapted for the pamphlet,
speech, and poetic business, however well she
|. might do at private correspondence The re-
porter felt somewhat relieved when, on de-
claring that he was in quest of the boss
literary worker and head panjandrum of the
bureau, a little door he had not noticed was
opened and gentleman was disclosed in
sort of lighted closet struggling with some
l,:ript. He was middle aged gentle
..--.. il alpaca coat, with al oppressively
solemn owl resting its leaden bulk ON his
black scarf
lie lnotioned the reporter into his den, and
then the gentleman with the emblem of wis
dom said, smilingly:
"You would like to put something in
writing!"
The reporter ntimated that that was his
mission.
"IIumph! Private in its character?' asked
he of the owl "Well, any information you
may give will be received in confidence
and"
"One moment" interrupted the reporter.
"Thore you hit it. Information! But I've
not come to give any. That's. just what am
here to get"
THE WORKINGS OF THE BUREAU.
"Oh, see," said the other. "No secret
about the bureau-that is, its workings-how-
ever silent we may be about the personnel Of
our patrons"
"By the by, who are they generallya"
avery frequently ladies. My assistant is
there to receive them and learn their busi-
ness" and he motioned toward the outer
apartment. at is surprising" he went on,
chow many ladies there are who are quite in
telligent and even appear to be persons Of
culture, but who are utterly unable to carry
on any correspondence requiring delicacy.
We undertake to prepare their letters for
them, of whatever kind Some Of them have
long business letters, some ordinary conl-
munications to friends, some epistles Of a
more sentimental kind Then there are bust
ness people who want advertisements pre-
pa.sd or circulars got up and some who issue
regular periodical pamphlets. All of that
y kiAsl5of work we undertake. Al. y -
"What does the poetic department compre-
hend!" the reporter inquired.
".Ah! that is becoming more patronized than
you would imagine. There are quite num-
ber OF people who want verses for one thing
or another There ere patent medicine and
perfume people. There are milliners and
tai,ors and shoemakers and tradesmen Of
every kind who advertise their wares in verse;
1t is attractive, and If you get up catchy lines
they take. Then there are many ladies and
gentlemen in society who pretend to a culture
they have not got. They sometimes commit
themselves to writing sentiment, or an
acrostic, or a piece for an album, or something
of the kind. Well, the bulk of them could
hardly rhyme dove to love and fill up the
intervening spaces with words that mean
anything. So we come to the rescue and
provide them with verses adapted for album,
letter, recitation, or any emergency which in
social life might arise"
"Do not you find it little difficult to give
some subjects poetic favora Isn't it hard to
yoke Pegasus, SO to speak, to all kinds Of
topics"
'Not at all. Why, we have a lot of stock
poems on hand that fit mostly everything. It
is only now and then we need to prepare the
custom made article. You see, nearly every
one who wants poem for social purposes has
some girl in his eye he wants it written up to.
1t may be intended for album or valentine or
presentation It's all one. There's always
girl in the case, and all that's needed is to
make the poem match her complexion.
"But have you not to express different
sentiments
"Only two knds-the fever heat love senti-
ment and the discreetly friendly idea"
SPEECHES, oRATIONS AND CORRESPONDENCE.
.You prepare speeches, too!
sIots of thein-political, religious, scien-
Mfc, or post -prandial as the case may be.
We are prepared to furnish them for all oc-
easions, from congressional discussion of the
tariff to o college commencement day. There
is choice collection already prepared and on
hand for public dinners. The season for
them is approaching. Under the head of re-
sponses to The day we celebrate sOur sister
societies. and The ladies' we have an assort-
lnent of all sizes fitted for any emergency"
"But how can they be used on special oc-
casions!"
Nothing easier. We prepare the frame
work-a neat introduction, sprightly but gem
eraI, few anecdotes of proper maturity,
references to friendly feelings in the past, and
hopes of their continuance. That is all that
is required That is all there is in most of
these speeches anyway. If there is any local
color or individual references to be made we
throw them in when ordered or leave the
speaker to supply them if he thinks he is able.
It's all very simple"
ge4But you do not grapple with weighty
topicsp
@Don't we? The heavier the better We
never shirk scientific paper if we have the
data. Anything that the cyclopedia or circu-
lating library can reacL we are prepared for.
In fact such work is comparatively easy.
The hardest nuts to crack are commencement
day orations As soon as collegian looms
up we have to hunt for ponderous literature
and the deepest thinkers"
sPrivate correspondence is your speciality
l believes" said the reporter, and he regarded
a lot of envelopes pigeonholed.
aIt is" said the other, pushing the emblem
OF wisdom into a more marked prominence in
his scarf. ut is There are great many
letters written in this city, and great many
people have occasion to have them neatly
worded. IL they have not the faculty to pre-
pare them themselves, and have nos the
means to keep secretary, they find bureau
of this kind very serviceable New York
Herald.
I. A Curious Memento of the War.
Gen. Sheridan is to handle the gavel at the
next annual meeting of the veterans of the
Army of the Cumberland. In view of that
fart Ga-, / n 1rildar hac cart "a ra,,