Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-11-01

n SOlOICu "Olidh O"ho uP w
having been so badly frightened in a re-
cent storm that, as she herself put it, she
'sshook like an ashpan."
care you marrying man?" was asked
of a sombre-looking gentleman at re-
cent uptown reception. Eyes sir" was
the prompt replY I'm clergyman"
care you we'll acquainted with yonr
mother tongue, my boy?" asked the
school teacher of new scholar. eyes,
sir" answered the lad timidly. ''Ma jaws
me a good deal, SIR
"My business is to talk" said Il stump
speaker :-sI deal in words and SEN
tences." eyes," cried voice in the
crowd; ''and as long as 1 have known
you your place of business has never
been closed.''
Mr.. Hayes-''My dear, many of my
| friends are urging me to run for Con-
gress." Mrs. Hayes-'You run for the
Indian meal, Rutherford, and feed the
| chickens. That's better than running for
Congress. And get this mornings eggs
| from the barn, and then I'll tell you what
| to do next"
Old Gentleman: ssNow. my children,
I'll tell you what it is, if you make any
more noise in front of my house, I'll
| speak to that policeman. Chorus of juve-
niles (much tickled) "That policeman !!
| vhxy
that's father!"
School board visitor while examining a
'I don't know, sir" Don't you? Are
you not ashamed that you don't know
where the North Pole is? ''Why, sir, if
Sir John Franklin, and DR.. Kane and
Markham coulden't find it, how should
know where it is?"
"My husband is so poetic,' said one
day. "Have you ever tried rubbin' his
1ints with hartshorn liniment, mum?" in.
errupted woman with a market basket
at her feet who was sitting at her elbow
and overheard the remark. "That will
straighten him out as quick as anything
know of, if he hain't got it too bad.'
Grandma Clara, do you think your
mother would approve Of your sitting ur
so late? Clara-Why, Grandma, it was
only half-past ten when Frank left las
evening. Grandma-Clara, your grand
L.
) was leaving, and didn't she hear him say
Now, Clara. just one, and didn't the clocl
strike Immediately?
An old lady from an inland village wa
entertained upon a city visit by nice
with artistic taste. 'Now, amt, said tn
/ niece, ''I will show you some pictures
''Dear me-" said the old lady, thinking t.
smooth over an apology. "That's to
bad. But never mind, they'll do just a
well as new ones"
Two ladies called at the office of
Milwaukee newspaper one morning AM
asked for the proprietor. Both appeare
greatly grieved and indignant. One wa
> in tears. "What is the trouble?" inquil
ed the business manager. "Why, [ tol
your reporter yesterday that l had los
my dear little spaniel, Gyp," answere
the fearful one, sand he put the item
this morning under the head of Matter
of Minor Importance in and about town
want to stop my paper, if you please.
An Eastern drummer who was in Kno,
vile listened to the complaints of moul
taineer about hard times for ten or fiftee
minutes and then observed: "Why, MAJ
you ought to get rich shipping gree
corn to the Northern markets" s'Yes,
orter," was the reply. ''You have tt
land, 1 suppose, and can get the seedi
s'Yes." 'sThen why don't you 60 into I'll
:, speculationP" "Mo use, stranger" sad
replied the native, 'sthe old woman is t.
darned lazy to do the plowlng and plan
ing"
A stranger who attempted to drov
himself at ST Louis and was pulled O
of the river was asked by one ofthe crow
around him, 'sSay, do you really want
make sure thing of it?" eyes, | wal
to die" 'sWant to die real dead?" eyes
y, "All right; come over here In the saloo
where there is a gang of men and hurra
for Jav Gould for the next president.
you live three minutes after yelling,
pay your board for whole month" tt
man concluded to live on.