Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUM0R.
The family circle-a wedding ring.
London Funny Folks.
Another sight of London-the St.
Paul's churchyard site.-Punch.
"Say, waiter, this beefstake looks
as if it had been hammered on an
anvil" "Yes, sir, we buy it by the
pound. Boston Courier.
Joseph Arch, M. p, who has been
i'll, is described in one of the journals
as coming round" Most arches do
come round.-London Moonshine.
Let's see. Don't they say that no.
body is able to do two things at once
Well, then, how about forgers, who
do wrong and write at the same time
London Funny Folks.
1t is suggestive fact that barn.
storming "Uncle Toms Cabin" COM
pany in a western town was recently
kicked off the stage by the donkeys
employed in the piece. There are
some things that even donkey can't
stand.-Ex.
"Have you read Whatisname's
poem?" mo, sir, don't read poe
try, / write it" "Well, l suppose
that does prejudice you against verse
somewhat but can assure you some
poetry is well worth reading."-Bos-
ton Transcript.
Proud parent: "How s that for n
baby" Old bachelor: "Well, my
experience with babies is limited, but
I should think this one might posi-
bly, be worth bringing up. Sudden
ly stuck with an idea.) Why not
try it?-Life.
"How many calls did you make
to-day ?" asked one young man OF
another who had played poker all
day. "Oh, made several" (Which
one did you enjoy the ?" "The
call which l made on full and found
the other fellow was bluffing ON ace
high. New York Journal.
Teacher, to boy whose father keeps
a corner grocery: johnny, if your
father has hundred eggs, and twen-
ty of them are bad, how many OF
them does he lose ?" Johnny: "He
don't lose any of them. He sells the
bad ones to the restaurant keeper to
make omeletts of."-Texas Siftings.
A green young man having told
his sister that he thought a cer-
tain young lady loved him, the fol-
lowing dialogue ensued: Sister /:
"Why do you think she loves you p
Brother: Because she smiled on
me-" Sister: "What an absurd
idea. Why, I've seen her smile many
a time at monkeys."-Ex.
First dude: "You look wather
pale, ChOlly, me boy"
Second dude: "Yaas. / feel
wathaw offish. Got vaccinated yes
tawday."
First dude: "Ah! Did it hurt ?'
Second dude: "No. I took ether
We know."-Boston Courier.
When great ruler dies in Europe,
some one calls in his ear three times.
Once is enough in kentucky. A
friend steps reverently to the couch
Of the deceased and whispers-not
necessarily loud--"Let's take drink" "
If he makes no reply, then he is dead
beyond peradventure, and the funer-
al is proceeded with.-Louisville
Courier journal.
A beautiful woman, with artificial
ly heightened color, once said to Gen.
Shields:
"How is it that, having obtained so
much glory, you still seek for more y
"Ah, madam" he replied with
more force than politeness show is
it that you, who have so much beauty,
should put on paint ?"-San Francis
co Argonaut.
A paper gives an account of a So
ciety event, and in speaking of one
beautiful lady of quite large proper
tions, it said: "Mrs. Smith possessed
a form that Juno might envy" The
editor went home and left a subordi-
nate to get out the paper, and the
next morning he read in his paper