The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1886-01-16
ALLEGED HT.HoR.

don't love me as you used. He-Dar-
ling, do, but Unjust breathe.-Star.
A FRENCH paper tells a story OF a
minister who, when handed the card of
some one who wished to see him, said:
''Tell the gentleman that ! am exceed
ingly sorry that | am not IN"
THE best criticism OF an Uncle Toms
Cabin Company extant is reported
from Western town. The entire
troupe was kicked off the stage by its
donkeys ys-Burhngton Free Press.
well, may | hope, then, dearest,
that at some time | may have the
happiness OF making you my wife,"
''Yes, | hope so, | am sure she re-
piled; 81 am tired OF suing fellows Tor
breach OF promise"
IMMIGRANT mothers on West bound
railway trains have got so that they
stow their babies in the racks over the
seats, intended for the reception OF
paroles. This Is literally the latest
racket.-LoweH Citizen
IT knocks all the gilt of the ginger
bread OF an EDITORS lie to know that
when he has written a fiery and
brilliant article denounCing tyranny
and exposing slavery he will have to
go home and split kindling wood for
his wife and shine his mother-in-law'
boots.
RIDICULOUS" Ethel (wno really
thinks she must clean some Of her old
gloves this winter, times are so bad)-
"Do you sell kid revivers ?" Chemist
"Ye-yes, MN; | think you'll find
Mrs. Gummidge's Infant Cordial a
most excel" Confusion )-LOndOn
Punch.
THE Irishman explained that he
was smiling because he had seen his
cousin from Cork that day. On being
asked il there was good news from
home, he replied: 81 only saw him
across the street, and when | ran up
to him, | found he was not the man"
BUTCHER Ito lady with dog in her
arms): What viii it be this evenin',
mum?" Lady: "Send a pound and
half OF calves liver In timetor break
fast, and-let me see, Carlo won't eat
hver-and hall pound OF porter
house steak"
WHILE Keene was playing Richard
III" in Little Rock-just as he called
for a horse, a man from Washington
County said to his scompanion: "Come
on, Alb, an les 60" "Wait a mint,
Sam. The clown has called for a hoss,
an ! reckon the show sgoin TO begin. y
ARKANSAS Traveller.
"YEs, think | shall retire. | have
been thIrty-tive years on the bench"
"IOu must have been able TO save
considerable money after so long and
so honorable career" "No, | have
not. You see there isn't as much
money in shoemaking as there used 10
be."-Puck.
Two card-playing friends were pass
ing through a pine forest In Maine,
when one asked the other this au-
dacious conundrum: "Why cannot
the proprietor OF the forest fell his
own timber ?" Because no one is al
lowed to cut when it is his own deal"
Shoe and Leather Reporter.
A HORSE was sent up from the farm
to be shod. Havinga a number of ready
made shoes on hand, the Job, in the
absence of the boss, was given to an
apprentice. After an interval the fol-
lowing note came to the superintend-
ent: ''This horse don't fit any of our
shoes. ."-CarLisle Morning Star.
YOUNG HIGHcOLLAR-B -Beastly wealth
aw, this, Miss Symphony, bah Jove!
Miss Symphony (tired)-YOu ought
not to decry the weather, no matter
how bad it may be, Mr.. Highcollar.
If it were not for the weather you
would be at a loss for something to
talk about. Now take me to mamma.
N. Y. Times.
On Salvini Night.-Miss Diflident
-'Aunty, you don't understand Ital-
ian, and your applauding at thewrong
time attracts attention to you from
ali over the house" Miss Nulgarian,
sharplv-"My dear, do you see this
new wrap? 1t cost $500 to import.
What do you think ! came here fOr?"
Philadelphia Press.
THAT man is a phrenologist, Pat"
"A phat?" asked Pat, puzzled. "A
phrenologist." "Phat's that " "Why,
a man that can tell by feeling Of the
bumps on your head what kind OF a
man YOU are" Bumps on me head,
is it?" exclaimed Pat. "Begorra,
then / should think it would give him
more OF an idea phat kind OF man
me wife is IN Z. Farmer.
SHE was making a very favorable
impression, and as she neared the end
she prepared wind up with flourish
on the final line-Thy lover lives, cur
few shall not ring tonight" But the
cursed ALTERATION "queered' her,
and, as might have been expected, she
said, in a voice that quivered with
emotion: "Thy liver loves, curfew
shall not ring tonight. Chicago
News.
A RECENT lesson in the Sabbath
School was on the death OF Elisha; and
when one of the scholars came to the
clause, "they buried him, D." the teacher
asked, "Why did they not cremate
him? Do you think there Is any en-
couragement in the Bible for crema-
ton ?" "No encouragement what
ever" was the reply; "they tried
it Oh the three that were cast into the
fiery furnace, and didn't makei 1t work"
Iaryarfl