The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1886-01-09
The Road TO n..And
How TO Find IL.

The following article is not new
find. 1t has been printed more than
once in the various papers of the
State, but We have had several ur-
gent requests to reprint it. We
comply with these requests because
the story is one worth telling again
and again.
The following scene is said to have
actually occurred, in the early settle
ment of this county, some where on
the head waters of Dunkard creek,
near the line between Monongalia and
Greene counties. 1t illustrates some
peculiarities in the character of the
early settlers, and is not bad exam
pie of the manner in which roads are
described by many people even at the
present day.
Stranger.-My friend, can you tell
me the road to Morgantown?
Robin Darrah.-(Throwing down
an armful of chips which he was car
rying from the yard). By the grace
of God can, as well as any man in
the county, for I've been there myself
You came past old Joel Tuttle's,
didn't you? with his lip sticken' out
like your foot-the amber runnin'
off his lip sufficient to swim ducks
He chaws tobacco, sir.
Stranger care nothing about
him. I've come past" there. Iwish
to get ON to Morgantown.
Darrah.-Well, you'll take up the
hill past "ould blink eyed Baldwin's,"
all the blacksmith we have in this
Countrywide cussedest iron rooster
you ever saw in the days of your life.
He will burn up forty pillow shares a
year if you'll take 'em to him. A few
days ago Jake-dang his name-and
Bets-ding her-I can't think of
either of their names was runnin'
off to get married over in Pennsyl-
vania, and stopt at old "blink- eyed
Baldwin's to git their horses shod
blow'd, and the devil shoe he made,
and whether they got married or not
I'm not able to tell you. He's got a
little old stewed up woman fur a
wife about as big as your fist-about
so Highland she keeps all the whole
country in an uproar with her lies,
running from house to house tattling,
and she's got her name up, so that
it's Matte Baldwin here, and Matte
Baldwin in everybody's mouth, and
there's not a law suit in the county
but what she's summoned as a wit
ness fur somebody, and whether she
swears lies or not I'm not able to tell
we, but / believe she swears lies.
You'll take down the hill from there
to Dave Chew's that married old
Aaron Fosters widder. At first
sight you'll think he's a niger, but
he's white man, sir. You'll turn
round his farm to the right; that
road will lead you to Dan Cakes
the dog shooter. He has killed all
the dogs in the country, so if you're
afraid of dogs you needn't be alarm
ed, fur there's not dog left to bark
at We, and it's Dan Cake here and
Dan Dake there, and Dan Cakes in
everybody's mouth. He ought to be
made pay fur the dogs and l think
he will afore he gets through with it
The other day me and my son Joe
was goin' round the field and up
jumped fox, and the dog took after
it, and we've never heard of the dog
or fox since till this day, and then
the fox was about $50 yards ahead
of the dog, and he hasn't got back
yit, and l expect Dan Cakes killed
him. You just keep right down the
run from there and you'll come in
amongst the latest, lustiest set Of
niggers you ever seen in all the days
of your life. There name is Dowd
and it's Dowd here and Dowd there
and the Dowds is in everybody's
mouth, and I've one of the cussedest
law suits with them you ever heard
of in your life, and its all about
SANDER, and there's Tom P. Ray, the
clerk of court in Morgantown, and
Edgar c. Wilson, the best lawyer in
Virginny, both say I'll beat them
out as slick as home, and it's all
about SANDER, though l never Stand
cred anybody myself. If I know
anything against anybody l gener-
ally keep it to myself. You'll cross
over pint there and fall over on
another run, by turning to the right
you'll come down to old Bill Mes
ser's. He married a Mitz, and her
name is Peg, and she's the cussedest
woman to swear you, ever heard in
all your life, sir. Her hair sticks
out like scrub broom. She don't
comb it from one weeks end to an.
other, and it's Peg Messer here and
Peg Messer there, and Peg Messer
is in everybody's mouth, and she
can out swear Matte Baldwin
You'll there turn to the left and that
will take you up to pint and you
will fall over into Jake's run-it
used to be called Straddler's run
named after old Jake Straddler,
in Indian times, and it's settled
with Tenants from head to mouth
and it's Tenants here and Ten
nants there and it is Tenants in
eyerybody's mouth, and they are the
cussedest set of men to fight you ever
saw in all your born days; whenever
they have log rollin' or any coming
together of the people, their jackets
are off and the blood and snot flynn
and all hollerin' flair play" The
father will fight with the son, and the
son with the father, and brothers will
fight one another. But there is old
Enoch Tenant, stepping around with
his head..a sticking to one side. l be-
lieve he's the finest Tenant among
'em-but there's Black Ben, Pete
Tenants niger, I'd like to forgot
him--he the only white man amongst