davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-10-09
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The man who is always looking
for trouble is disappointed il he does
not come to grief.-M o. Rcdynse.
Il do my best to bring mankind
higher" as the elevator man said.
''but some will keep going down"
The recent volcanic outbreak in
New Zealand was followed by showers
of mud. How like a political cam.
paign!-Ata California.
A donkey died of hydrophobia al
Houston. Tex, but no other citizen oil
the town has had an attack of the dis.
ease yet.-Ne,oman Independent.
-Marryin' man amt like settin'
alongside of him nights and heariR'
him talk pretty; that's the fust prayer.
There's lots an lots o meetin' after
that.-Rose Terry Cooke.
10 if my creditors were only like
my sinsr' exclaimed Mr.. Brown to his
wife. "Why, my dear?' Because
my creditors call and catch me every
day, but my sins always find me out. :"
Springfield Homestead.
What luck did you have fishing,
Pennybunker?" asked an Austin gem
tleman of well-known impecunious
character, who owes nearly everybody.
..Splendid! While l was out on the
wharf twenty men with bills called at
my house TO collect money. ."-Teras
Sit1ings.
-Lulu's grandma, becoming i'm
patient with her noise, said to her:
''Lulu. you are . mistake; you should
have been a boy" Lulu was very
thoughtful for few minutes, then
gravely answered: Grandma, Col
don't make mistakes. Philadelphia
Call. -
in his capacity of debtor Jones
pursues some queer methods. Gas for
me-" said he, "when a creditor takes
it into his head to write to me. l cross
him of my list. That settles it; no
money for him." "And when he
doesn't writer" I'm that case l wait
until he does. Judge.
DIR. Gimlet returns empty-handed
from days hunting. and in response
to his wife's inquiries candidly con-
fessess that he killed nothing. why"
retorts Mrs. G. slowly. '.you could have
done better than that had you staid at
nome ana attended 70 your regular
business. ."-Lo,ceH Citizen.
The descon's wife wanted to jot
down the text, and leaning over to her
scapegrace nephew she whispered:
Have you got a card about you?"
You can't play in church, was his
solemn. reproving answer; and the
good woman was so flustered that she
forgot all about the text.-Boston Post.
-Brown-"I saw that Nancy Bean
Just now; she il about as homely-look-
ing woman as l ever set eyes on. =
Fogg-..Nonsense, man! she's not 50
bad; she's great deal better looking
than her sister" Brown-.Then you
know Nancy?" Fogg-"No; never
saw her. But I've seen her sister. ~
Boston IT0nscrips
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-10-09
THAT WAY HIMSELF.
why . Traveller Submitted Gracefully to
the Lunch-Counter Mans Extorttons.

WHY . Traveller Submitted Gracefully to
the Lunch-Counter Mans Extorttons.
Alta railroad lunch counter strang-
or. indignant to see fellow traveller
charged four dollars and half for a
ham sandwich. which he pays without
protest. exclaims: what, barefaced
robbery
.'That's so." the traveller assented
calmly.
"Why he has charged you four dol
lars and half for a sandwich that isn't
worth more than five cents"
Il know it," said the other. tran
GULLY handing out two dollars for a
five-cent cigar and receivingno change
back.
There's more extortion" fairly
screamed the stranger.
1T looks like it, returned the other,
with the same exasperating impertur-
liability.
Are you going to stand it?''
10. YES, suppose so.
But how in the name of Heaven can
you submit to such outrageous
charges?"
.Iknow it is outrageous but it don't
astonish me at ALL" said the traxeler.
moving towards the train about to
start. Il am little in that way of do
ing business myself"
"How's that?"
I'm a plumber.
That settled it.-Teras Sttings.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-10-09
TOOK 1T ALL BACK.
How an Arkansaw Man Happened to In
suit the Court.


suit the Court.
Several months ago Judge John A.
Williams, of Pine Bluff, Ark, went, on
account of a change of circuit. to a
new town to hold court. The village
contained no building suitable for a
courthouse, and, as 4 last resort, a
long, shed-like house that had been
used for a saloon, was selected. The
Judge had not the time to have the
place renovated. but after taking down
such signs as ..No Drinks Exchanged
For Wind" PAY As You Co." opened
court. He omitted to take down the
large Saloon" outside, and was busy
with q case when Colonel Met L..
Jones, also of Pine Bluff. arrived. The
first thing that attracted Jones atten-
ton was the Saloon" He went in.
and, noticing the judge sitting behind
q beer table, and also seeing man
who had been a saloon-kecper, but who
was now circuit clerk. standing behind
the bar, looking over a book. he called:
.Say, Williams, have drink. Bring
in two toddies. will you?''
He stumbled over juryman. drew
up chair and sat down opposite the
Judge and said: 1.-Two toddies; you
want a toddy, don't you. Williams?'
MIR. Jones'" said the Judge, Il de-
sire to inform you. sir. that court is in
session. and that if you don't conduct
yourself in a more respectful manner l
will send you to jail.
"Well. by"
"Mr. Sheriff. take this man to jail"
Hold on. Judge. l take it all back.
Say" addressing the circuit clerk,
,"you needn't bring them toddies.
Good-day, Judge. ."-ArkansaU Trar-
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-10-09
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

The first college annual ever pub.
Ished in the South was recently issued
by the University of Georgia.
The nobility of England give 500.
600 year for missions, the Sunday.
schools. S5O0.O00 and the poorer
classes" 100000
The Chautauqua University has a
nonresident School of Theology for
the benefit of young ministers and
others who wish to review their studies.
The night school at Sing Sing
prison for the benefit of the prisoners
which was started by Warden Brush in
January, 1884, is said to have accom-.
plished excellent results.-N. Y. Mail.
The little Chinese Presbyterian
Church in San Francisco gave forHome
Missions last year $50; for Foreign
Missions S15S. The Chinese of Los
Angeles gave $s6 to one of the native
helpers in China to open a mission
schoOl.-SGn Francisco Chronicle.
Some vandal has stolen the ivy
planted by the Yale class of SO. Ii
was the gift of Mrs. Cushing, who got
it herself from Mount Helicon, in
Greece, from the face of cliff where
the marble was quarried for the build
ings of the Acropolis of ancient
Athens.-Haryord Post.
A church in Morelia, Mex, has
been agitated by visit from the devil.
Nobody saw the gentleman in person,
but in single instant every movable
article in the church, except the reli-
quarry and statue of the virgin, fell to
the floor. 1t was plain that only the
devil could have caused the disaster.
N. Y. Times.
There are fourteen Presbyterian
theological seminaries in this country,
with libraries aggregating 203,O0O vol
umes; eighteen Catholic, with 1876. GOO;
ten Congregational, with lis, ,9S6; four
teen Baptist, with 1O5, 900; twelve
Episcopal. with $1,000; thirteen Luz
theran, with $4,000; one Reformed
Dutch, with 81. 900, and six Methodist,
with $4,000. Chicago Inter Ocean.
The country is becoming rich in
schools and colleges. Public Opinion
(Washington) figures ont that the dis
tinctively scientific schools number 81;
manual schools, 255; medical colleges,
145; institutions for the higher educa-
ton of women, 236; law schools, 81.
There are $40 universities and colleges
in the United States, with 1922
students in attendance
The Catholic Rericw announces q
new translation of the Bible into the
Slavonian language by a Slavonian
priest at Prague. 1t is to be published
at the expense of Slavonian dean and
priest. who has given 10000 florins for
the purpose in gratitude to God for
sparing him to celebrate his jubilee of
fifty years in the priesthood. A copy
is to be given to every Slavonian parish
and convent church.
The report of the Baptist Mission
ary Union reveals remarkable activity
and growing power on the part of the
denomination. In the past seven years
the receipts of the union have been
$3, 2S2, 1888. an increase of sixty-six per
cent. over the receipts of the previous
seven years. The number Of mission
aries has increased from 2Sl to 669.
Over 700 churches have been organized
and 467 church edifices have been built.
1t is now claimed that five-slxths OF
the Baptists in the world are in the
United States.-N. 7. Examiner.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-10-09
THE GREAT EASTERN.
Fate OF the Most Gigantic Specimen oi
Modern ehipbuildlng.

Modern shipbuilding.
After many vicissitudes of fortune,
In the majority of which the evil ha,
certainly predominated over the good.
the Great Eastern has at length been
turned to a use which is decidedly
pleasant, and which offers bright
promise of ultimately becoming very
profitable. For some weeks past the
great steamship has been lying in the
Mersey, and kind of worlds fair has
been held on board every day and
evening, to the intense delight Of the
Liverpudlians. great and small. The
humors of that "Folly on the Thames y
of which Ainsworth discoursed so pict-
uresquely in 1.-The Miser's Daughter, "
seem to have been revived in the levi.
athan argosy which was the crowning
work of the inventive genius of Brunei
and the constructive capacity of Scott
Russell; but the somewhat too e1uber-
ant joviality which made of 1.-The
Folly" kind of floating Vauxhall has.
in the case of the Great Eastern, been
toned down and modified so rs to be in
accordance with the scrupulously de-
corous requirements of this extremely
moral nineteenth century. The success
of the venture has been SO great that the
proprietors of the enormous galleon
propose to take her from port to port,
always from an exhibition point OF
view; and there would not seem to be
any valid reason why in process of
time the Great Eastern should not turn
up in the Bay of Dublin and in the
Cove Of Cork, in the Clyde or in the
Firth of Forth, in the Downs or at
Millwall. or in Plymouth sound; while.
if some little difficulties in the way of
coaling could be got overland what
obstacles are there which plenty of
ready money will not surmount?-she
might some day or other find the
heartiest of welcomes at Barcelona or
at Cronstadt, mt Hamburg or at Rotter-
dam, to say nothing Of a trip round the
world touching at Naples. Colombo.
Madras, Calcutta. Bombay, King George
sound, Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney,
Brisbane and Auckland, and returning
by way of Cape Horn and the ports of
the North Atlantic seaboard. If NJ. de
Lesseps could only get the Panama
canal finished. the Great Eastern might
solve the problem of perpetual motion.
and be necessarily circumnavigating
the globe.-LoadOn Telegraph.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-10-09
selves earnest questions, as before

selves earnest questions, rs before
God"
"And that is what you call wedding
your garden; l never could have
guessed what you meant"
"Our good traits are like flowers:
our bad traits are like evil weeds; both
ter seed into the hearts of other people;
so by doing ill ourselves we endanger
the character of others"
ave do not remember any thing
about all this though, grandpa; in
deed. l never thought of it in this way
before"
Yet it is so; Just as truly as the
thistle scatters its downy seeds We
scatter the seeds which grow in our
garden"
But just boys do not matter. grand
pa; when we grow big, of course. it il
all different.
Grandpa was shocked.
Never, never keep such fancy"
he said, quickly. lis there bad boy
in your school?"
"Yes, sir"
He lets his weeds grow and tho
seed get into the gardens of his neigh
bOrs."
Herbert had never looked upon such
matters in this light before.
If this boy takes no trouble to think
over his wrong ways. and does not pull
the weeds up. what kind of man will
he be?"
Herbert was thinking hard.
ut does matter. grandpa. l never
did think a word about it Just in that
way, but Rupert will be . bad man,
if he does not weed his garden"
''Then, Herbert, if Rupert's weeds
should be pulled up. so should the
weeds in every body's garden. will
go with you now. but do not forget
about the garden. Stop sometimes
and look in to see what is growing
there; for, depend upon it, it takes a
great deal of watching to keep the
garden of the heart full of flowers. y
George KHnqte, in Christinn Union.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-10-09
THE PRIZE ESSAY,

She left the crowded platform and
The air was filled with cheers,
Her essay was SO sweetly blent
In mingled smiles and tears
Her subject "Womans Mission" was,
She treated it with care.
And showed the line OF noble names
OF women wise and rare.
20, do not think to wed,' she said,
"A slave unto the ring!
lis better far in fancy's fight
To soar on freedoms wing.
TOO prone we are to think" cried she,
THAT marriage is the goal
To which each maiden's pathway tends
And all Life's currents roll.
'My voice Is still for liberty,
No bonds of love for me!
III show the world happy sight
A spinster wisely free.'
She tripped away amid the flowers
That flew from far and wide:
In just four months she was of course,
A proud and happy bride.
-Ctereldnd Sun aud Voice.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-10-09
The Nicest Nights Out.

20. isn't it a lovely night. Adolf
phus? Just fancy how delightful the
nights must be in the Orient! The
azure blue sky, the perfume of the
flowers, the soft tinkling -
Il tell you, Miranda dear. l prefer
the nights they have in Alaska. They're
Just immense.
Immense, Adolphus?
'.Yes: for courting. They're 50 long.
you know.'-Phitadelphio Call.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-10-09

She used to meet him at the gate
with kiss and a smile like morning
light: but now she comes to the door
in . dingy old calico wrapper and shoes
down at the heel, shades her eyes with
her hand, and with a voice that seems
to need oiling. inquiries: Ibid you
bring that butter?"-From q Modern
NOCSk
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-10-09

Of the car grew dark. He reeled, fell
on the floor, and Archibald. bleeding
from cut on his forehead, fell beside
him. The lady shrieked. and an awful
howl rose from the other passengers.
The car had run into hay wagon
lid Bits,
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-04-26
A BUCKEYE PRAYER.
The Kind of Prayer "A Columbus Di-
vine Makes,
Special to the Globe.


COLUMBUS, O., April 25.-The Rev.
Henry Lyons, the Democratic member of
the house from Monroe county, was called
upon to officiate in the capacity of chap
lain yesterday morning. and created a SEN
satiOn by the prayer with which he opened
the session. 1t is patterned after similar
efforts by the Rev. w. Ii. Milburn. chap
lain of the national house, and ran as fol-
lows:
Oh Lord, Thou most high, exalted above
principalities and powers, look down from the
high and lofty habitation. We pray and We
beSeech of Thee to pardon our imperfections
and remove from us hardness of heart.
Heaven is Thy throne, but Thou hast conde-
scended so low as to claim the earth for Thy
footstool. We beseech Thee TO regard our
land and nation in mercy. We pray that this
body will have hearts of sympathy for the suf-
fering, Us we find the widows cry for bread.
AS the rich manifest disposition TO wit b.
hold from the government the tribute that is
justly due, and thu oppress the widows and
poor of the land with the heavy burdens of
taxation, we beseech Thee to give them hearts
of flesh, that they may not be cursed with
hearts of steel so they cannot feel; that they
may not be unwilling TO submit 10 the laws of
the land, and that they may not be like to
Hezekiah of old. who rendered to Thee in
proportion TO the benefits received. Wilt
thou not soften the hearts of rich to enable
them to render TO Caesar the things due to
him? Bless our rulers sustain our good gov
ernor IN his efforts to bring about equalization
in taxation among the rich, that he may be
enabled to raise the poor and needy from q
state of starvation to peace and prosperity.
and that peace, and righteousness, and true
holiness may cover the earth as the waters OF
the great deep. And thine be the kingdom
and glory forever. Amen.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-04-26
Has the sympathy of France,

ATHENS, April 25.-At a meeting of the
municipal council to-day resolution was
adopted wishing God speed to the troops
and expressing the hope that they would do
honor to their flag in the struggle for Greek
unity and freedom. A resolution was also
adopted inviting the citizens to bid the de-
parting soldiers hearty farewell. The
government has received a friendly note
from France, in which it is intlmated that
the ultimatum of the French government
may be expected shortly. NJ. DeFreycinet
has written to Prime Minister DeByannys,
assuring him of the sympathy of France
and begging him to use his influence tc
preserve peace. There was also a meeting
of foreign diplomatic representatives at the
British legation. Four men-of-war, repre-
senting England, Germany, Austria and
Italy respectively, have arrived at Phak
erum from Suda bay. Three additional
British men-Of-war have arrived at PhaL
erum. The orders to forward troops to the
frontier have been countermanded. The
aspect of affairs has become more pacific.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-04-26

promise cannot be effected; and that the
only remedy is to abolish Mormon political
power by abolishing the territorial form of
government and substituting board of
commissioners. as in the cases OF the ter
ritories OF Louisiana. Florida and Michigan,
and the Distri;t Il of Columbia, as at present
organized. lie thinks that If the Mormon
church were thus deprived OF the political
power it now possesses, changes might be
expected in the disintegration of the Nor
mons and the inflow of the GentileS. That
i'm ten years would put the Gentiles In the
majority. He does not believe in applying
the Idaho remedy in Utah. where the Gen
tiles are only small minority,
and he does not approve OF Senator
Edmunds' proposition TO take possession
of the property of the Mormon church.
He insisted, with great earnestneSs, that
the great trouble in Utah is not that a
small part OF the population indulge in
polygamy and large portion believe in it,
but that there is in the territory already in
existence political organization which is
hostile to the United States government,
and which cannot be assimilated with
republican forms of government.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-04-26
AwAsHINGTON SCANDAL,
Involving a Woman and a Depart
ment Officer.
Special to the Globe.

CpeCldl 10 IDe
WASHINGTON, April 25.-The air is full
of gossip about an officer of the govern
ment and a woman, and the woman's hus-
band. The woman is young and nearly
white, and the wife of an employe in one
of the departments. The man and wife
have several times had trouble, and have
separated twice before the final separation
few days ago. The cause of the last sep
arhtiOn is said to be the government officer
referred to. The husband became satisfied
that the relations of his wife with the Off
Ger were improper, The wife has received
and, according TO all accounts, other atten-
tons from the officer, and has been seen
with him On number of occasions. The
husband. who exhibits the letters, has
written to the president and to the officer
about the affair. In his letter to the presi-
dent the man who thinks he
is aggrieved makes direct charges
against the officer. aud asks
that they may be looked into, and. upon
proof, which he offers to furnish, that the
cause of his grief be dismissed from the
public service. The friends of the officer,
on the other hand, deny that he has been a
party to this or any other alleged intrigue.
They say that the whole business is a big
blackmailing scheme, and that not
only the husband but five or six 9TH
ers are engaged in what they call crime.
1t is stated that the officer has run down
the alleged blackmailers and that they will
hear from him in no gentle and unmistak-
able manner. The whole subject has. it is
said, been officially taken up and an inves-
tigation is now pending. The husband
who makes the charge is still in the employ
of the government. although it is under
stood that the officer has asked for his dis
charge. In the meantime, there is a good
deal of talk about it all
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-04-26
MARRIED. AE II.
An Alderman Gets Into Trouble over
"a Marriage.

Special to the Globe.
New YORK, April 25.-'Fatty" Walsh
is in trouble. He is a Bowery gambler,
but that is no bother. He is intimately as
sociated with Jerry Hartigan, keeper of a
Chatham square dive, but no unpleasant
consequences have arisen from that. 1t is
from an official act as alderman that an an
noyance comes. In Fatty'S district is an
Italian quarter. There are clumDs of
Chinese, too, and other despiSed peo-
pie. all of whom have to be carefully
courted for the votes they possess. In the
heat of Fatty's last campaign he was called
on by a wedding party. The bridal candi-
only a little past u years of age. A
curious feature of life among the Italians
in New Y ork is the costuming of the chill
dren, whose garments differ only in size
from those of their parents. Besides wear
ing the long skirts of women, the small
girls are commonly given in marriage al
the age of
sHAKESPEARE'S ITALIAN JULIET,
that is TO say, Il. The parents OF
RafaelIa were with her, to give their con-
sent; the child declared, according to
Fatty's present assertion, that she was
seventeen; and the alderman performed
the ceremony in the happiest manner he
could command. He handed back a pro-
ferred 81 note to the bridegroom, wrapping
it in enough of his own ballots to supply
the entire Italian vote of the ward. But
the chid-wfe soon went to the society fol
the prevention of cruelty to children in
fight from her husband, and that organiza-
ton began law suit TO annul the marriage.
The supreme court has just granted the
motion. land if the penal code permits. u
says Judge Van Brunt, Il will have every
person who had anything to do with the
outrage indicted" In view of the custom
of very early marriage among the Italians
however. and the mature aspect of theil
small girls, Aid. Walsh is deemed excusa,
bic. But the Anti-Cruelty society will now
undertake to break Up the practice of mar
rying under the statutory age of II.