The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1886-03-10
Llterary Freaks.

People who write for a livelihood
get some queer propositions from
those who have crude ideas about
the operation Of the literary ma.
chine. There is a prevailing idea
among those whohav never dab
bled in literature very much that
the divine alIlatus works a good
deal like a corn shelter. This is
erroneous.
To put a bushel Of words into the
hopper and have them come out a
poem, or a sermon, is more compli-
Gated ptoCess than it wouldseem to
the casual observer.
| can hardly be called literary,
though l admit that my taste lie
in that direction, and yet have
had some singular experience in
that line, For instance, last year
Ifeceissd tlatleripg osertures from
three young men who wanted me to
write speeches for them to deliver.
They could do il themselves, but
hadn't the time, III wopld write
the speeches they would be willing
to revise them. They seemed TO
think it would be a good idea to
write the speeches a little longer
than necessary, and then the poor.
er parts Of the effort could be cut
out. Various prices were set on
these efforts, from a dollar to "the
kindest regards" People who have
been squeezed through one Of our
adult winters in this latitude, sub.
sisting on kind regards, will please
communicate with the writer, stat.
ing how they like it.
One gentleman, who was in the
confectionery business, wanted a
lot OF humorous notices wrote for
to put ia conversation candy" It
was a big temptation to write
something that would be in every
lajy'S mouth, but | RETAINED
Writing gum drop epitahs may
properly belong to the domain of
literature, but 1 doubt it. Surely
do not went to be naughty and
above my business, but it seems to
me that this is irrelevant.
Another man wanted me to write
a "piece for his boy to speak," and
If | could do SO | could come to his
house on Saturday night and stay
over Sunday. He said that the
boy vas "a perfect little case to car
ry on, and the folks didn't know
whether he would deyelop into a
condemn fool or a youmerist," So
be wanted a piece ofone Of "them
tomfuolery kind for the little cusa
to speak the last day of school,"
A coal-dealer, who had risen TO
amuence by selling coal to the poor
BY apothecaties' weight, wrote 10
ask me for q design to be used as a
family crest, and a motto to embla.
zon on his arms. told him I had
run out Of crests, but that "Weight
for the wagon, we'll all take a ride,'
would be a good motto; or he might
use the following "The fuel and
and his money are soon parted,"-
lie might emblazon this on bis
arms, or tattoo iton any other part
of his system where he thought il
would be becoming to his complex.
ion. Inever heard from him again
and l do not know whether be was
offended or not,
Twoyoung men in Massachusetts
wrote me a letter, in which they
said they "had a good thing on
mother" They wanted it written
up in a facetious vein. They said
that their father had been on the
coast few weeks before, engaged
in the ceiling industry. Being a
good man, but partially full, he had
mingled himself in the flowing tide
and got drowned, Finally, after
several days search, the neightorG
came in sadly and told the old lady
that they had found all that was
mortal of James, and there we're
two eels 10 the remains. They
asked for further instructions as. To
deceased. The old lady swabbed
out her weeping eyes, braced her
self against the sink, and told the
men to "bring in the eels and set
him again"
The boys thought that il this
could be properly written up, "it
would be a mighty good joke on
mother" | was greatly shocked
when l received the letter. 1t
seemed to me heartless for young
men to speak lightly Of their wild
owed mothers great woe. l wrote
them how felt about it, and re.
buked them severely for treating