The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-12-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

Women can stand tight shoes, tight
gloves, and tight waists, but they very
properly draw the line at tight hus-
bands. Yonkers Statesman.
Sne-"I don't see why women should
not make as good swimmers as men,"
He-"Yes-but you see a swimmer has
to keep his mouth shut Life.
81 have gained three pounds in one
day" said Robinson. How do you
account for that?" Effect of the
climate. l have put on all my heavy
clothes. IN. Y. Sun.
They charge So for hiring out dress
suit in Boston. Here the charge is only
81 Style comes cheaper here, it seems,
than elsewhere. Baltimore is . great
city.-BalttnaOre american.
Clerk-That piece of goods is worth
"a per yard. Lady Shopper-Why. you
offered it to me last week at 81. Clerk
Yes, | know, but we are selling out
at cost now. Lady Shopper will
take twenty yards of it.
1t was pretty nearly half-psst II when
he began to sing. How Can l Leave
Thee?" to his best girl Pretty soon
her papa came down-stair. and he
found now easy it WAS if he only had a
little assistant &C. Merchant Traveller.
What have you been doing all sum-
mer, Rich? Fishing?' No; l never
fish. I've seen good deal of it,
though" Indeed! Wherer' AT an
Eastern resort Fifty marrisgea BILE
girls there and only one eligible man"
Rambler
Dumley-Robinson, / want your ad-
vice. Brown, l hear, has referred to
me as an inspired idiot. What had |
better doe Robinson Ghoughtfully)-
Well, Dumley, l think you ought to
make him take back that word in
splred. ~ Y. Sun.
Dry-goods clerk Ito young woman
customer)-Ah! | believe | had the
pleasure of meeting you at garden
party ut the Grand Union, Saratoga.
last summer. Young woman Will
these goods wash, sir? Clerk-Yes,
madam.-N 7. sun.
Prominent Actress-You have no
doubt read Miss DIS article, us the
Stage Immoral?" Tell me your own
opinion On the subject. Retired Sister
Really, | could not say; you know |
have not been on the stage in some
years, and it may have changed
Graphic.
1.-TWO missionaries were attacked and
surrounded by negro warrior" said
the pastor. u don't see how one mig
ger could surround two missionaries,
said = deacon. by absorption, nv
lear Deacon" said the pastor The
negro ate the missionaries. "-Loweu
Citizen.
Fashionable widow Gust before the
funeral -"Are you sure Elinor, that
the notices read kindly omit Houers?'"
Fashionable daughter-.'O, certainly,
mamma" Fashionable widow-"How
very odd, then, for only forty-two en-
blems and eighteen boxes of cut flowers
have come. IN. Y. sun.
Caller-'.Ah, is Mis-. Arabella De
Wolf at homer" Bridget (meditatively)
Sure she give me very particular
orders. She says if Mr.. Brown calls
Pm not at home; but if Mr.. Smith
comes take him right in, and I'll be
right down. Now, which one are YOU,
sir?'-Harper'S Bazar.
French wits are never tired of throw.
ing hot shot at their neighDors across
the channel. An Englishman thus
writes to French friend: Il am de-
lighted at the recollection of the pleas
ant hours l have passed with you in
France. If you visit England come al
once to my house-and | will direct you
to very good hotel"
Yes" said Mr. Hendricks to the
minister, 81 am proud of that dog.
Why, he knows the different days of the
week" Just then the dog. began to
run to gun which stood in the corner,
then back to his master, and wag his
tail. Hes made mistake this time,
pa" said Bobby; "he thinks it's Sun
day. "-Harper's Bazar.
He (referring to painting)-''Don't
you think the introduction of one or two
birds would give you a little more life,
Miss Bessie?' She referring to iunch)
How thoughtful of you, Mr.. Short,
and how delicately you put the invita-
tion!-(and he had to run her over to
the nearby hotel and order broiled
dUts4' @Oi wv Otto.
New York mamma-''O. yes, indeed,
Algernon is getting on spleudidly on
the stage" Friend What did he say
when he wrote last?" You will ex-
cuse the pardonable pride OF the dear
boy when | tell YOU he stated he WAS on
his uppers." 'On his uppers?" Yes
-er-that isl suppose on the upper
rounds of the ladder of fame. life.
when man orders whisky" said
Dumley 10 the bartender, ''do you ask
hlm if he wants 10 or Is cent goodsP"
No. Eve been in the business long
enough to size man up without asking
questions. a suppose you do become
more or less familiar with human ma
ture," remarked Dumlev, as be selected
a Glove. How much do | owe you?'
Ten cents, please. IN Y Sun.
Farmer Jones and his wife came in
to go to one of the theatres. They saw
great many men 60 out after the first
act in which shooting had taken
goin'? He-Gosh, Sarah, stood it as
long as l can. Guess I'll 60 back and
see how that feller is getting on who
was shot. he poor cuss may be dead
by this time, and if he is, this amt no
place for lid BITS.
Two gentlemen in the smoker. One
of them mentions y lady the other had
just left IN the Pullman. and says:
You are related to her?" 1--WE are
not blood relatives Then you are
related?" Yes. but only by mar
rage" II do not wish to be uncom-
plimentary to any friend of yours, but |
am glad of that" so am L." by
the way, how are you related by mar
riagep" ''She is my wife. st. Paul
PtOneer-PreSS.
1t was in the infant class of Sunday
school. The teacher was trying to
bring out the fact that David was
man of varied occupations. There had
been smooth sailing until the question
was asked: What do you call man
who plsys on a harp" After a brief