The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-03-04
BILL NYE'S LETTER.

BILL NYE'S LETTER.
My Dear Son:-I tried to write you
last week, but didn't get around to it
owing to circumstances. l went away
on little business tower for few days
ON the cars, and then when got home
the sociable broke loose in our once
happy home.
While on my commercial tower down
the Omehaw railroad, byin' new we'll
diggin' machine of which had heard a
good deal pro and con, l had the pleas
ure of riding in one of them sleeping
cars that we read so much about.
am going on fifty years old, and
that's the first time ever slumbered at
the rate Of forty-five miles per hour, in
Guiding stops.
got acquainted with the porter, and
he BACKED my boots in the night unbe-
known to me, while l was engaged in
slumber. He must have thought that
was your father, and that we rolled in
luxury at home all the time. and that it
was a common thing for us to have our
boots blackened by menials. When l
left the car this porter brushed my
clothes till the hot flashes ran up my
spinal column, and told him that he
treated me square, and Iwrung his hand
when he held it out towards me, and l
told him that any time he wanted a
good, cold drink of buttermilk to just
holler through the telephone. We had
the sociable at our house last week, and
when got home your mother set me
right to work borryn' chairs and dishes.
She had solicited some cakes and other
things. don't know whether you are
on the skedjule by which these socials
are run or not. The idea is a novel one
to me.
The sisters in our set, onct in so often,
turn their houses wrong side out for the
purpose of raising $4.OO to apply on the
church debt. When l was boy we
worshiped with less frills than they do
now. Now it seems that the debt is
part of the worship.
Well, we had a good time and used
up $50 cookies in a short time. Part of
these cookies was devourcd, and the
balance was trod into our all-wool car
pet.
Several of the young people got to
playing Copenhagen in the setting room
and stepped on the old cat SO as to dis
figure him for life. They also had a
disturbance IN the front room and
knocked off some of the plastering.
your mother is feeling rather slim
and am not very clipper myself. 1
hope that you are working hard at your
boaxs so that you will be an ornament
20 society. Society is needing some Or
naments very much. I sincerely hope
that you will not begin to monkey with
rum. I should hate to have you meet
with felon's doom or fill drunkard's
grave. If anybody has got to fill the
drunkard's grave let him do it himself.
What has the drunkard ever done for
you that he should expect you to fill
his grave for him?
Iexpect you to do right as near as
possible. You will not do exactly right
all the time, but try to strike good
average. do not expect you to let
your studies encroach too much on your
polo, but try to unite the two so that
you will not break down under the
strain. should feel sad and mortified
to have you come home a physical
wreck. think one physical wreck in a
family is enough, and am rapidly get
ting where / can do the entire physical
wreck business for our neighborhood.
I see by your picture that you have
got one of them pleated coats with
belt around it and short pants. They
make you look as you did when used
to spank you in years gone by, and l
feel the same old desire to do it now as
I did then. Old and feeble as am. it
seems to me as though l could spank
boy that wears knickerbocker pants
buttoned into Garabaldy waist and
pleated jacket.
If it wasn't for them cute little cam
els hair whiskers of yours would not
believe that you had grown up to be
large expensive boy, with thoughts.
Some of the thoughts you express in
your letters are far beyond your years.
Do you think them yourself or is
there some boy in school who thinks all
the thoughts for the rest?
Some of your thoughts are so deep
that your mother and / can hardly
grapple with them. One of them es-
pecially was so full of foreign stuff that
you had got out of bill of fare that we
will have to wait till you come home
before we can take it in. lean talk
little Chippewa, but that is all the for
eign language l am familiar with.
When was young we had to get our
foreign languages the best we could, so
I studied Chippewa, without a master.
A Chippewa chief took me into his
camp and kept me there for some time,
while l acquired his language. He be-
caEie so much attached to me that l had
great difficulty in coming away.
I wish you would write the United
States dialect as much as possible, and
not try to paralize your parents with
imported expressions that come too
high for poor people.
Remember that you are the only boy
we have got, and we are only going
through the motions of living here for.
your sake. For us the day is wearing
out and it is now along into the shank
of the evening. All we ask of you is
improve on the old people. You can
see where I fooled myself, and you can
do better. Read and write and sifer
and polo and get nollege, and try not to
be ashamed Of your uncultivated par
ents.
When you get that checkered little
sawed-off coat on, that pair of knee
panties and that pocker dot necktie, and
the sassy little boys holler "rats'' when
you pass by and your heart is bowed
down, remember that no matter how
foolish you may look, your parents will
never sour on you. Your FATHER.
A Long Time Between Drinks.
A great many years ago the governor
of North Carolina received friendly
visit from the governor of South Caro-
lima. After real North Carolina din
ner of bacon and yams, the two govern
ors lit pipes and sat in the shade of the