The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1886-04-16
WIT AND WISDOM.

| Explanations from the youth who
was fOrcibly elected from q West-Side
residence the other evening are I'M
necessary. The reason was parent
Detroit Free Press.
Sarcastic WELCOMING home "a
usual. suppose? Fond-Of-staying-out-
late husband-Yes. certainly Sarcas-
tic wife-Well, put this letter in the first
mail in the morning, and if you meet
the milk man tell him to leave two
| quarts.-Jndqe.
Mamma" said Johnny. lean any
body hear with their mouth?' mo,
child. don't think they can," replied
the mother. Then. mamma, what
made Mr.. Jones tell sister he wanted to
tell her something and put his lips to her
mouth instead of her Chicago
Tribune.
Dinner table.-Little Millie Ito her
father, who has given her the smallest
piece of pie on the plate)-"Papa. why
is my piece of pie like Europe?" Papa.
thoughtfully-"Id don't know; why is
it?" Millie-"Bec.use it is the smallest
of the grand divisions. Fact.-Boston
Transcript
"A German theorist has undertaken
to make a microscope of sufficient
power to make bees sting look like q
telegraph pole. We have long won
dered why something wasn't done to
make that plaguey thing look some
where near as large as it feels when it
gets into mans neck.-Binghampto
Republican.
The plain principles of truth and
honesty are familiar to most of us, and
need no elaborate argument to eluci-
date or uphold them. They demand
our unhesitating obedience, and the
more cheerfully and promptly we act
upon them. the more firm. manly and
consistent will our characters become.
~. Y. Ledger.
DE JOnes-Miss Mimosa, who is
that vulgar-looking woman over there
by the mantel-piece? She looks like .
regular firifiin. Miss Mimosa-Why,
how you talk-that's my step-mother.
De JOnes-Oh. yes. Yes, to be sure.
How silly of me. 1 ought to have been
able to trace the family resemblance
Chicago Rambler.
How are you getting on?" asked
Yeast of young Crimsonbeak, whom he
met on the street the other day. ..Eirst
rate" was the young mans reply.
..What are You doing' further queried
Yeast. I'm medical director in an
institution down town." "a medical
Director ..Yes; you see direct en-
velopes in a patent-medicine house"
'.Oh. "-YonksTs Statesman.
The young lady sent her intended
husband her photograph. which pleased
him very well. They met q day or two
after, when the following conversation
took place: 1T is very like you dear.
1t so much resembles the real that /
have kissed it over and over again"
land did it kiss you back again, Will
liam?' .'Oh. no. dear" Then it il
not at all like me. ~ T. Telegram.
Not over one woman in one thous-
and in China can read or write. A
married man in that country can there.
fore leave in his inside cOatpocket.
when he hands the garment to his wife
to sew on button, sweet-scented
note beginning. '.Darling Bung-Lung,"
and ending, ''Your own YiDgie." with
only one chance in thousand of being
found out.-Norristoscu Herald
The parent or teacher may COM
mand, or exhort, or restrain. or advise
in the wisest way; but if the constant
influence of companionship, or books,
or occupations, or amusements work in
the opposite direction. it will be labor
thrown away. The rules of grammar,
learned over 80 thoroughly. will never
counterfeit the effect of constant associ-
alton with those who speak incorrectly.
nor will the most assiduous exhortatiOn
against frivolity avail any thing againse
tie general tone Of frivolous society.--
1xekes0A