Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1886-12-02
WIT AND HUNIOR.

Mousquetaire gloves are the rage-ex-
cept near swimming-holes, where sun
dressed kid" hold sway. - DaHUille
Breeze.
A new game of cards is called
''matrimony." If the man wins he
takes the girl; if the girl wins she takes
the man.-PhiladciphiG Call.
China and Japan buy our dried apples
freely. Thus does American industry
help TO swell the population of the
Orient.-BoStOH Transcript.
The information comes by cable that
Oliver Wendell Holmes has sat down to
table with Kings and Queens. This is
interesting rs far as it goes, but how
many of them did he hold?-NeW HaUen
NeUS.
Really, madame, your daughter is
perfectly charming. She must have had
many offers of marriage" ''You are
right; but then, you know, 1 am much
too young to let her marry.-French
Fan.
Merritt see you have new servant
girl. Little Johnny (confidentially)-
Yes, and l tell you she's corker.
Bridget Speaking up-Indade Orm
not, sorr. Oi cum from Limerick. The
Judge.
Mamie Van Astorbilt-"O, Mr.. De
Ely, see that Van Islip girl with Baron
Won Giesenback! Did you ever meet the
Baron in New York;" Mr.. De Fly
Qaconically)-'No-shave myself. -
Puck.
81 am perfectly at home in the wa
ter" said an old topper as he plunged in
to the surf. That is where you have
the advantage over water" was the I'M
feeling remark ola bystander who knew
him.-BOStON Post.
A learned crank named Adams de-
votes seven columns in Il recent medical
journal to 1.-The Dangers of Kissing"
He might have said it in five words;
kissing often leads to matrimony. p
Narration Independent.
Il am satisfied on every point but
one, said gentleman to an applicant
for service. Il cannot get over your
nose" That is not to be wondered at,
sir" replied the applicant, "for the
bridge is broken. - Chambers Journal.
A teacher, in catechislng her class of
boys at Sunday-school, asked, "Who
was the strongest manP" A little chap
of eight years answered, without a mo-
ments hesitation: Sullivan. Now
ask me who is the best rover. ."-Hdr-
per'S Magazine.
A small Louisville boy, after being
naughty aud suffering greatly at the
maternal hand, or rather slipper, stop
ped sobbing long enough to look earn
estly at his mother and say, with em-
phasis: Mamma, I'm sorry you ever
married my papa"
Mr. b. Ga prominent politician) )-Un-
Gle Rastus, want you to come up to my
house and vindicate the kitchen ceiling.
Uncle Rastus-W-wha' dat, sah--vindi-
cate de ceilin'P Mr.. B.-No, no, don't
mean vindicate. | mean whitewash
the ceiling.-New York 1tmes.
New cashier--I should like to have
an agreement with you to the effect that
l SHAH have u weeks notice in case
don't suit. Bank president-That is
easily fixed if you will agree to give us
weeks notice before leaving. New
cashier (thoughtfully)-We let it 90.
--Omaha World
Bagley in thunder does Peter
by always get into the last row of seats
at the theater for? have noticed him
there scores of times. Bailey-Peterby
is very sensitive man, and is afraid
he would interfere with people who sit
behind him; he has SUCH Il high fore
head, you know. w.-1td-B1ts.
Bobby came into the house sotbing
and told his mother that Tommy White
had kicked him. "Well, Tommy White
is very bad boy" said Bobby's
mother, giving him q large piece of
cake. You didn't kick him back, did
you?" No" replied Bobby, between
bites. Il kicked him iirst.-.Acm York
Sun.
"Ah, Bagley! home again? How's
Mrs. b. and Aurclia?' ''Still at New
port." Enjoying themselvesP" "Im-
mensely. Mrs. B. goes bathing and
Aurelia goes fishing" "FishingP l
didn't know that the fishing was good
at Newport. 81 didn't say she was
fishing for fish," "Or'-MiladeLi,hio
Call.
Miss Llewellyn-"Have you read
young Mr.. De Lyle's charming story?
1t is just out. and is perfectly delight.
full" Mrs. Abernethy-"No; / haven't
seen it. didn't know that Dc Lyle
possessed literary talent Did he in
herit it?' Miss Llewellyn 10. yes.
His father left him an immense fortune"
Puck.
A RAILROAD ,,raciIaut -, Mouth C,uo