davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1886-01-06

J: T; Durgin, 81 w. Second soptb
street: genuine three stone diamond
ring; a. j. Saunders, skating pavilion So
IN 10, SILVER, also a stem-winding watch: Il.
w. Mathews, 5Sl West First North,
stem-winding watch; McKenon and
MeAdams,. Milford, Beaver County,
Iady,s gold hunting case watch; Mrs
d. Moore, Fifteenth Ward, genuine
diamond collar button; A. Campbell, en-
glneer d. d. R. G. Railway, 127 West
Temple, stem-winding watch.
Orders by mail should be accompanied
by cash or postoffice orders; and thew
will be forwarded to all parts of the
United States. Price. 81 each, six cans
for So. thirteen cans for $40, twenty
seven for $50. Open from s am. till
$50 pm.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1886-01-06
Going East.

Twenty minutes will be allowed al
Garfield on morning train for Break
fast.
No freight will be received sfter4 m.
S. F. FENTON, W. W. RITTER,
Gen. FIT and Pass. Ag't. Supt
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19
WILMINGTON & NORTHERN RAIL
w ROAD SCHEDULE, APRIL, |, 1886
GOING NORTH, DAILY, Except Sunday.)

J. 4 r. station. SI5 1910 240 800 S3S -.
GOING SOUTH, DAILY Except Sunday.)
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19

My anatomical war maps wuz perpared in
New Orleans regardless of expense, and they
capchur the confidin public without missin'
cog. When l exhibit the curves, links and
twists in a woman's spine after dom DAYS
washin' the ladies rise up en- masse and holier
fur revenge ag'in' the tyrant man One of
the maps exhibits the lastin' inioories slls-
tanned by boys ear bein' boxed with a
family Bible, and whenever | cum to it the
hall echoes the subdued sobs of a score of
mothers. / am slowly but gradually i'm
pressin' the solemn fack upon the minds of
the men of Arkansaw that man who wears
two suspenders is simply throwin' away SO a
year and histin his heels up until his toes
hev to stand all the pressure,
Phrenology allus hits 'em between the ewes
and any little skips on the part of the phre-
nologer air cheerfully overlooked by the en-
thoosiastick public. As stated in a prevus
letter, / run the bizness on a new system. l
tap on the skull with a mallet, and | hev
made some wonderful hits. At one of nv
lait performances ] had candydate fur
congris before me. He winked at me to gin
him boost, and laid myself out to place
him solid with the electors of that deestrict
Arter tappin' his skull fur awhile sez to the
aujeence:
II find indycashuns of high and noble
soul. The cavity of honesty is full and run.
min over while the protuberances of moral
ity, virchew, squar' dealin and self-respect
air big enuf to use fur brickbats This ere
man will some day be president of the United
States, and the fust thing he'll do will be to
fix every one of you with fat oflis.n
Multum in parvol / mean by this that
made great hit, and l had orders fur thir-
teen charts as fast as could take the money.
ba vi inn IL
given more money to the poor than any five
men in Arkansaw, and who is known fur
and nigh fur his kindness and benevolence.
"This ere purson," says l, after an exami-
nashun, "wouldn't sell his grandmother's
body fur a SO bill, but I'd advise YOU to
keep your barn doors locked when he is in
town.
They made it very hot fur me fur the next
five minits, but eventooaly / suckceeded in
calmin' 'em down by admittin' that a fall
which the judge had sustained a few years
before had undoubtedly altered the shane of
his head
| desire to menshun keerlessy like, that
after each performance ! deliver a lecktur
on korns and ingrowin' toe nails. Some Of
my remarks are illustrated, and some amt
but the salve remains at twenty-five cents a
box. Some men in my posishun would
doubtless have hair dye or stomach Bit
ters to palm off on an innocent public but
my motto has ever bin "Homo sum-" which
is to say that the same can be procured of
the ticket taker at the door in full-sized bot
ties, and warranted to stand in any climate
! shall add to my dissolvin' views The
people down this way want to see more Re-
publican postmasters dissolvin' into distance
I've got to git up sumthin' to hit the popular
cord. PROF BRoM. WHYTE,
Lskturer and professor.
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19
Turning the Tables on a prumm.r


u came through Poughkeepsie once" re-
marked a New York drummer. at must
have been some vacation time, for about
fifty Vassar girls got on. They came into
the car where was, and one of the prettiest
of the whole lot took part of my seat, while
her companions all stood around her within
hearing distance. She seemed to know that
l was a travelling man, for, said she, re-
ferring to the Windows:
"'Can't l open that for your
" thanked her, being so surprised that
could not quite comprehend the situation.
Her companions, and in fact every body in
the car, became interested, and they all di-
rected their attention to us.
"'Are you on your way homer she asked.
II told her l was on a business trip
"'Have you Travelled much aloneF
"'Quite good DEAL l replied, not at all
pleased with the unenviable position l was
forced to occupy. Without giving me a
chance TO ask any questions, she continued.
"'Can't buy you some fruit or orangesr
:" 4 don't care about any replied
"'Wouldn't you like book or pamphlet
to readf have some in my travelling bag
MOI Well, | know you'll let me turn the
next seat SO as to give you more room.'
II left the at and told her there was alb
solutely nothing that wanted. AS made
my way out to the smoking car nearly
everybody laughed, including the Vassar
girls One of the latter took my place. To
this day l never see woman coming toward
my seat that don't think of that expe-
rience. I've heard men say that they would
like to have it tried on them; but no man
likes to be made fool Of, and he certainly
appears in that light when lot of school
girls start in to make him appear ridiculous. {"
st Paul Globe.
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19
RAILROADS.
BALTIMORE s. OHIO RAILROAD CO.
LANDENBURG BRANCH.
CHANCE oF HOURS.


On and after June 6tb 1896, trains will
run as follows
Leave Wilmington 7,05, 10 so a. M, 80
aud 40 p. m.
Arrive at Landenburg $50 a. m; 1900
noon 80 and G.50p, m.
Leave LaDdenburg 6 So a. m.; 90 and
ZIG r. M.
Arrive at Wilmington, 800 a. m. q 10 and
700 +. IN.
Sunday traius leave Wilmington 10. Is a.
n.; and 600 p. m.
Arrive at Landenburg II 20 a. m aud Z 10
p. M.
Leave Landeuburg at s 90 a. m. and 4.3O
p. M.
Arrive at Wilmington at 900 a. M. aud
535 p IN. D. CoNNEL
Superintendent.
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19
Some Human Nature.

Another story from the school room may
not be out of place here. A boy brought his
teacher some very beautiful and sweet SMELL
ing spring flowers the other morning, for
which she thanked him very kindly as she
placed them in a tumbler of water upon her
desk. In the course of the morning the
youthful giver held up his hand and said:
"Please, ma'am, can | wet my spongen
"No," said the teacher, mot just now."
The boy, however, was persistent; he ap-
parently thought he was entitled to some
especial favor and he repeated his request
in loud tone The teacher, however, said
may" the second time more decidedly than
the first, and at this the petitioner gave vent
to his anger as follows: Say, teacher you
know the flowers l brought you just now; l
only lent em to you; didn't give 'em to you
70 keep" There was good deal of human
nature In this. Children of an older growth
sometimes show a similar disposition Bos-
ton Budget.
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19
PROF. BRoM. WHITE.
His Grand Aggregashun Working to the
Front.
MovIN' ALONG, IN ARkANsAw.


MovIN' ALONG, IN ARKANsAw.
10 the Editor of The Detroit Free Press:
desire toexclaim: "Yewreka" Which is
to say that my Grand Aggregashun is still
movin' along threw the state of Arkansaw
and drawin' krowded houses in every town.
Last mite l closed a suckcessful sezun at
Catfish Bend. Doorin' the first part of the
openin' evenin' there was conspiracy de-
veloped to prove my dodo fraud. An emf
nent citizen took it upon hisself to question
me as follers:
Air this an aquatic birdW
"She air." l promptly answered, feeln'
that the crowd would stand by me till the
Jug behind the caige was empty.
"To what speshies of the feline race does
she belongl"
ITO the virtus vincit invidiam," says |,
after a moments refiexun
That took him back rod and a half, and
he was lookin' tired as he continued:
"How air she classed in material history"
"As quid pro quo"
That knocked him cold, and he sat down
with groan, while the krowd applauded
The conspiracy was busted in the head. I
didn't capchur this rare specimen AM put
her on exhibishun without realizin' that the
scientists of this kentry would AK me sum
hard questions.
The movin' panoramy of the Garden of
Eden hasn't taken quite so well for the last
few days think the wimmin folks are a
little Jealous of the size of Ewes feet, which
shall purceed to enlarge as soon as l git
day off. amt goin' to run show with
anythin' in it to hurt anYbody's feelin's. and
really it don't make any difference to me
whether the old gal wore No. 2s or No. Is.
think notis an increase in the hankerin'
after knowledge ON the subick of anatomy,
and Pm givin' it to the auieences plump
from the shoulder At one of my lait per-
formances a SPECTATOR with the word "Vill-
yum" written in show bill type clear across
his azure brow took excepshuns to my state
ment that lynn cross legged in bed would
shorten the average life by five years, but
he was promptly squelched by doctor
whom / had let in on a deadhead ticket
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19
A Fever Any Doctor Can Cure,

"Are you successful, as a rule, in fever
cases, doctorl" asked fricnl of a young
physician.
'FWell-er, haven't had very many s'lrt
cases as yet, but have no doubt shall hc.'
"There is one kind Of fever that ! inngin
you might cure without difficulty"
"Ah, thanks. Do you mean scarlet ferer'
GNo: life's fitful fever New York Sun
Epigrammatic and Otherwise.
1t is wise railroad stock that knows its
own par.-Bostap Beacon.
Woman is like coin-she is priced accord
ing to her face value.--Life
The girl with the sweet tooth becomes the
woman with the false one Life.
The prettiest things in spring bonnets-
girls.-Hartford Times
Before marriage girl speaks 10 her lover
with her eyes; after marriage with her
tnnRue.-Iife
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19
An offended Conductor.

A man was bounding around in car on a
new Dakota road, when the conductor came
through.
"Can you tell me- said the man, with a
great show of sarcasm, whether this car is
on the track or not!'
"Sirm replied the conductor, reaching
into his pocket, "here is volume of the rules
and regulations of this road "
"But what do | want of itl7
"Look it over and see if you can find any
rule saying that ] must spend my time run
ming alongside of the train reporting its
position to the passengers See if there is
anything in that volume that compels me to
go humping myself along on the prairie and
yelling through the window, -four wheels off
nowr or hind trucks dragging on the ties =
or gentlemen, the baggage car has just
rolled into the ditchr or passengers will
please remain seated while. we turn off here
and scoot across the prairie after jack
rabbit Look over them rules, sir, and see
if you find any Of these directions If you
don't, in the future please take your own
observations on the wheels "-Estelline
tDakl Bell
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19

The telescope of the great Lick observa.
tory draws the moon so close that you can
read the advertisements on the board fences.
-Arkansaw Traveller
Sophronia-No, the e'ectric light does not
spoil the complexion The objection is that
it shows up compilations that have been
spoiled Boston Courier.
At the Bric-a-brac Dealers-"Oh, what
a delicious little vase 1t is very old, isn't
itin 'No, madam, it was made recently.
"Ah, what pity! 1t is so beautiful"-Paris
paper.
Dyspepsia" said Carlyle, kills poetic am
bition." The world owes dyspepsia a heavy
debt 1t is a pity that Tennyson's stomach is
not trfa weaker. .-ArlLansaw Traveller.
She-You seem blue; have you lost a
frendl He-No; | have just gained one.
asked Miss Clara if she would be my wife
and she said "No, but I'll he your friend.
"Hey-oh, Umc' Dulle! Gittin ont gin
ir yei Yo lookm mighty slimmish, How
yo' fee.in', anyway "Wal, Gabe, fee
bout like ez if | was plum dead an hully
realized my sit'wation. Life.
Another of Raphael's pictures has beer
found in western town. The frequency Of
occurrences of this sort gives rise to the be
lief that naI,l,urvl saot pointer hut thi
proprietor Of chrome factory -Philadet
phia Press
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19

baltimore & PHILADELPHIA RAll.
ID ROAD. JUNE :, 1855.
Leave Wilmington, 7O5, 20 50 a. nj lSO $40 p. IN,
Arrive at Iandenherg,s so a. ml 1900 m; 2.5n 60
IN.
Leave Landenberg. 6.55 a. n.; 100, $50 p. m.
Arrive at Wilmington, 500 a. m; 2.lO, 200, p. u
sunday trains leave Wilmington lu.l5, a. NJ. 500
p. M Leave Tandenberg 500 a. m, L9Op. m.
D. CONNELL, superintendent
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19
Why The Pnrter Went.

A passenger on Pullman car was found
dead in his berth recently The porter burst
into tears, exclaiming between his sobs
$50 sorry, so sorryl
"What are you sorry forP asked the con
ductor You didn't know him, did your
mo, | didn't know him." replied the
porter. am sorry l didn't collect fifty
csnts Of him before he went to bed. "-Texas
SiftingS
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19
SUNDAY TRAINS.

Sunday trains will leave as follows Going North
Wilmington, French street at sos a Dupont rs
a. M Chadfs Ford Junction 81 a. NJ. Lenape S 66
M West Chester istage) sos m. Coatesville 9.35
a. m. Waynesburg Junction 1903 a. m. st, Peters
$40 p. IN. Warwick $50 p. m. sprintield 1921 a. IN.
I02 p. m, BrdsborO 1858 IN. and 4.44 p. IN Read.
ing, p. & r. Station II 30 a. m. and Is p. IN,
Sunday trains going South will leave Reading P.
& r. Station at 9. a. and 3,O0p IN. Birdsboro 9Si
a, and 1882 p. Springfield 1923 a. m, and
402 p. m. Warwick 1898 a. st. Peters l0iS a. m
Waynesburg Junction 400 p. M. Coatesville ass p
m. West Chester (stage) 4i5 p. M. Lenape 529 I'm.
Chadd's Ford's junction 40 p, m, Dupont 81 p m
Wilmington, French street 30 p. IN.
For connections at Wilmington, Chadds Ford
junction, Lcnape, Coa;esve, Naynesburg June
ton Birtsb,ro. and Reading, timetable at all
stations.
A. q. MCCAUSLANp, L. A. BOW Err,
superintendent Gen, Pas Agent,
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19
1920 p. NJ.

I've just returned from church. Alas,
What ruin has been wrought
Have all my hopes of better days
Been cherished but for naughti
No counterpane adorns the bed,
No towel upon the door;
No soap within the little dish,
While papers strew the floorl
The snowy pillow-case that shown
In all its beauty bright
Is folded on the closet shelf
The old ones back tonight
And why are these things thus and sos
He did not stay-my sisters beaul
e. Frank Lintaber, in Judge
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19
MI. powderlv was NJ rr,.na

Il have a circular here which would like
to give the widest publicity to-" said a
Smithfeld street merchant to friend.
"How had | better go about t:n
"Well, was the reply, "the best plan
know of is to address it to the Knights of
Labor and mark it Strictly private and
contiden ial. '"-Pittsburg Chronicle Tele-
urnpb
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19

7:20 P. M.
All! why is thisl My bedroom never
Looked so neat before.
There's not spot upon the wall
fscrap upon the floorl
There's water in the pitcher, tool
And soap within the dish |
And counterpane upon the bed! II
What more could mortal wish,
never had two towels before
Both clean, do declared
Three weeks have passed since last saw
A single wiper there
And why are these things thus and sol
sleep tonight with sisters beau
The Wilmingtonian., 1886-06-19
MhnI I,nnId she MOAN ?
Lnnns dinssinr room.

bcene: JOncs HIessIIIE TOOII
Brown-Ah-h, Jones' what have we herel
Jones-Oh, that's tidy I bought at the
church fair, don't you know. Charming
girl-Miss De Johnson-bought it at heI
table, you know. Really couldn't help my
self, she smiled so sweetly and said I'd find il
so useful.
Brown--Did she thought Why, man, it's
one of those crocheted washrags.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1886-10-12

Day by day it becomes more and
more apparent that there is need for
the organization of labOring men, not
for the purpose of resistance to the
Entertainments of capital, but to aid
capital in its just rights and profitable
and legitimate investment in the IN
dustries, and to protect honest labor
ers from the unreasonable demands
and Entertainments of idle, shiftless,
worthless vagabonds who will neither
work themselves or permit others to
work, and in order to carry out their
nefarious schemes, have banded them
selves together.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1886-10-12
PERSIAN HORSES.
Wonderful Speed and Endurance, or Very
Short Measurements.

Short Measurements.
Mr.. Wolf Won Schierbrand, whose
bubble pricking letters from Paris were
not relished by the subjects OF the
Shah. is back again in the United
States, and one of his early calls after
his arrival in New York was at the Of
fee of the Turf, Field and Farm, where
he got his first lessons in incisive jour
nalism. The Persia of reality Is far
different from the Persia of romance
and Imagination. 1t is land without
roads and without civilization. The
rough bride paths speak Enthusiastically
TO the tourist of q nOn-progressive peo-
pie. The saddle is in general use, and
the best horses are the Arabs, and after
them come the TurcomanS- Some OF
the latter attain to great size, and are
used by the rich for display. The av-
erage Turcoman is a fleet and hardy
horse, capable of going from one hun
dred to one hundred and fifty miles
without rest. He is educated to get
along with very little water, andto sub
sist on balls of highly concentrated
food, the two ingredients of which are
suet and barley flour. When the mas
ter contemplates q raid. he gradually
reduces. for period of thirty days, the
food and water allowance of the horse,
and thus inures il TO privation. Grass
does not grow in the vicinity of Tehe-
ran, and the principal food OF the horse
is barley, except for two months each
wear, when the daily ration Is OF herbs
possessed of laxative properties.
Outside of the gates OF Teheran IS the
race course, the longer circuit of which
is about five miles. Only one meeting
is held each twelye-mOnth, and it Is at
the beginning of the Persian New Tear.
the opening of spring. Arabians, Iur-
comans and cross between the Cos
sack and Turcoman compete, and the
chief race is Eve circuits. or about
twenty-one miles. Mr.. Schierbrand
saw the distance run in twenty-seven
minutes, forty-seyen seconds Either
the time taken was not correct, or the
winner was a wonderfully good horse.
The purses were of gold and silver
coins, tied up in little bags, which were
pitched to the successful jockeys, who
caught them in their turbans. No en-
trance fee is charged to the races, and
no betting system is carried out
About two hundred thousand person:
cheered the contestants, the walls o.
the city being dense with people. The
outer walls overlook the course, anC
from them the spectator gets grsnC
view of the horses. The Shah wit
nesses the sport from pavilion. as d.
also his officers and members OF the
different legations. The jockeys az
mainly boys. but sometimes heav!
weight, a full-grown man, acts q
pilot.
The Arab from Bagdad is prizes
more highly than any other breed o
horses. The ordinary saddle horse Ia
an easy canter. and ne is sure-foOted
but lazy to striking degree. Tn
tourist has to use the lash freely &
make any kind of speed between tn
rude stations which mark the course 0
the rough bride paths.-TUrt. FIet
| and Farm
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1886-10-12
MAKE FRIENDS

The visit of Jay Gould to Sedalia
Yesterday was. the BAzoo trusts,
the opening of a new epoch: in
the history of the city. 1t is an
evidence, from the acts and words of
the great magnate, that he desires to
be on friendly terms with our people,
and now let all Sedalia meet him half
way. With peace between the city
and the railway company prosperity
will follow. If the two corporations
are at loggerheads-all the time quar-
reliug and repeating harsh words and
doing harsh aers-nothing but i'll sue
cess will attend the enterprises OF
both.
Don't fight the company. Do you
expect to whip them into submission
on any point ? Do you expect that
you will get lower rates of freight OF
of passenger fare by quarreiing? No
a bit of it. Treat them kindly evince 6
desire to be friends, and the railroad
people are shrewd enough to be friend
Iy to any community that is friendly
to them.
The town of Nevada, Mo-, th,
wise and shrewd men of the place
have been friendly to the compan,
since its advent into the place. On,
year ago Nevada wanted insane asy
lum No. 5. The Missouri Pacific do
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1886-10-12
BROTHER GARDNER.
Some Short Summer Sermons by the Sage
of the Limekiln Club.

Some Short Summer Sermons by the Sage
of the Limekiln Club.
A lawyer will work harder to break
de law dan TO enfo'ce it.
1t am easier to govern State dan to
boss Sunday-skule picnic.
De man who gives you thirteen cents
fur shillin' will borry your tea and
coffy an pay muffin back.
A photographer doan' show de devil
try in a mans eye nor de pimples on
woman's face.
De mo- good clothes. you kin heap
on yer back de less your bad grammar
will be commented on.
DE public nebber stop to queshun de
troof of a scandal, an de man who
climbs above us is never quite for
given.
De aim of de philanthropist am not
to preserve de good eggs, but to work
de bad ones over an palm EN- of agln.
DE room which man takes upon de
sidewalk is no criterion to Judge OF de
amount of brains in his head.
You can't hear de jingle of gold
pieces half as fur as you kin hear de
rattle of tin pans.
De man who announces his own hon
esty sometimes gifts into Canada wild
de Doodle, and sometimes he am caught
IN Detroit or Buffalo.
Let two lifelong friends begin dis
cushun as TO de color of Adams hair
or de size of NOah's head, an de
chances fur row am fust class. What
men doan' know am what dey rufuse
TO let 90 of.
Sift down de talk of de world s
greatest men, an when you cum to ex-
tract de bigotry, egotism, prejudice
an self. interest, you will have to look
fur de quotient wId spy-glass-
When q man sots out to be purity ne
mustn't blame his halter for any
shrinkage of his head. As de boss
sense oOzes out de Uranium has got tC
contract
Doan' worry ober de theory of trans
J migrashun, When YOU am turned In
to an old white boss an sot to worE
/ prindin' bark in a tannery it will D.
time to complain bckase you WASH
turned into n tanner instead.
Luv am a beautiful sentiment, an
. dc game of three-keerd monte am
swindle, but fifty people are downe'
BY luv fer cherry one swindled by tn
! keerds.
, Industry am a rack in which dar' ar
. always peg to hang up one mo WORK
in'-man's coat.
When you come to let de gas out
q balloon you am surprised an oil:
3 gusted at de shrinkage. =.
J One-hah de great men expect del
2 speeches TO be read by posterity ar
E DER debts to be paid by der chilFen--
. Detroit Free Press.