Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-07-17
Phrenology Ahoat

Ican't Just now recall his name, but
he was registered at the hotel at ELK
RAPIDS as from the Chicago Inter Ocean.
There wasn't anything singular in two
newspaper men making up to each
other-not when they were both away
from home. liked his looks from the
start and when he realized it he brought
ont a chart of his head which Prof.
Fowler had given him. According to
the chart his leading traits were:
/. Extreme liberality.
2. Utter absence of selfshness
8. Strong friendship.
Twas glad that the chart confirmed
my own private. impressions. and our
friendship was cemented with the blood
of the Revolution, for which the land
lord charged ten cents glass: On
the fourth day we went out together in
a skiff on the bay to fish. He insisted
ON paving for the bait, and in rowing
the boat and that agreed exactly with
trait No. l. We were half mile on
shore, and still going ahead, when the
skiff banged against some unseen OBJ
|
next moment she filled to the gunwales.
The oars floated away as we tioated
out, and we settled down to business
with the wreck floating full of water
and he hanging to one end and to the
other. 1t was only then that suspi-
cion crept into my mind that Fowler
hadn't felt of that chaps bumps in dead
earnest.
You did it-you Internal idiot-you
did itr' he yelled at me as he got Lit
tie Traverse Bay out of his mouth.
As Fowler hadn't included Truth in
his leading traits felt free to deny the
allegation, but he repeated it in n Wig
orous manner, and added:
I've got a revolver, and if you don t
let go of this boat I'll shoot you!"
For why?" saysI I.
because it won't float both of Us,
and I'm going to save myself at any
costr'
That was his cutter absence of self
ishness," as recorded on the chart, and
l was surprised and grieved to think
that Fowler had been so taken in.
asked for a little grace, and he replied:
"Give you just two minutes to say
your prayers"
l wanted twenty, and he wouldn't
even compromise on six. That was
more of his ''extreme liberality." When
l saw that he was inclined to hurry the
funeral | bounced the boat around and
prevented him from getting at his
weapon, which had stuck fast in his
wet pocket. Pretty soon he tried an
other lay. Said he:
Il am a married man, and have four
children. All you've got is wife, and
she's half dead at that Have some
reason about you"
l offered to argue the case, each side
being limited to five minutes, and he
charged me with cold-blooded selfish
, ness. II the circumstances were only
reversed he'd die for me in a minute,
bnt as we couldn't reverse 'em he had
another proposition. If I'd let go and
die quietly and decently he'd raise al
least 500 for my widow if he was
, saved, and would give me a column
notice in the Inter Ocean, describing
the details of my heroic act, and wind
ing up with the paragraph:
1--WE are certain that the public will
! not let his grave remain unhonored by
fitting tablet"
| wanted to know what sort of 9
tablet, the cost, etc? had seen &c
many cheap tablets that felt like hold.
ing out for n Scotch-granite monument
with an angel on the apex. He got Sc
mad at the delay that / had to bounce
the boat again to keep the pistol in his
pocket. When he had Gained down he
appealed to my generosity and manly
honor. He mad just had his salary
, raised. His father-in-law had just come
to appreciate him for what he was. He
was the President of a Chicago literary
. society, and leading member of de
batting club. His future was full of the
. biggest kind of watermelons, and the
whole world would miss him. / hadn't
any salary worth mentioning-nof faith
er-in-law at all-no hopes beyond
fourth-foor rates. Wasn't it better tC
die hero than to live on like thistle
, by the roadsidep l asked him to pu
, his language in the form of motion
. which he did. and vote was taken-i
, was a stand-of. His side only got ONT
vote, and that was half-full of water.
j never saw a chap so full of motion.
and resolutions as he was for three
quarters of an hour, and Inever attend
, ed a caucus where the opposition wa
! so determined to vote them all down
He had apparently exhausted his stool
and was hunting for something new
. when he lost his hold on the wrecl
: and went down-down-down
, four feet, where he rested solidly on :
sand-bar. The water for fifty fee
around was from two to four feet deep
. and it was the end of sunken spa
which had wrecked us. He came Owe
!, to me and held out his hand, but
, waded away from him in a dignifiec
4 manner. He said he was only in fun
4 and he offered me three fish-hooks, /,
. jack-knife. ball of string and hi,
hunk of Petoskey maple sugar to re
: sumo friendly and confidential rela
I tons. In vain. A fisherman came ant
, took US off the bar, and we never spok,
4 again. A man whose bumps deceive
= phrenologist is no fellow to tie to.-A
| Quad in Detroit Free Press