davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
PERSONS AND THINGS.

- Mrs Fizzletop overheard her son Johnny swear
like a trooper. Why Johnny she exclaimed.
" who taught you To- swear that way?' Taught
me to swear" exclaimed johnny: why It's me
who teaches the other boys. TeEdS SiijagS.
1t Il better TO be alone in the world than to
bring "a boy up to play on the accordiou-TeTds
SiftinQS.
-Theinnate modesty of newspaper men is shown
by the fact that Texas editor killed three the
other day, ana i'll aiuda To the Incident aftervard
acknowledged that he only tried TO kill one.-Nei0
HGrcH Meas.
Dakota farmers are making plans to grow flax
for fuel this summer 1t Is said that ton of flax
straw is worth more to burn than ton of soft coal
Alexander q. Drake, II cOlored carpenter of
Louisville, Is coming into prominence as n Temper
revvaiiSt. He is 80 years Old an cx-slave and
i said to be doing good. His plan of work is to
cure signerS to pledge which binds them for three
months year, or for life as they may elect. The
pledge is unique and reads: - / do sincerely hope
that if | drink beer or whisky until tdate named
here}, without being considered sick that had luck
may be mine the remainder OF my life so help me
God"
Some OF the best corn lands in Indiana are the
bottoms OF ponds which have been drained, but in
certain of these the working OF the soil on warm
days causes intoleTabie itching followed by
burning pain iii the skin for some days. The cause
of this is found to be the minute spcu!es of sponges
which once grew in the ponds and remain in enor-
moGs abundance i'll the dust.
The champion hog that was killed in Rhine
beck, " y, the ether day in the presence of $50
persons for weeks before his death had to be fed
with spoon. lie was SO fat that he could not feed
himself, and a small boy and a BIG iron spoon
were employed. The boy had sinecure for the
hog ate half barrel OF swiIl daily, but tie boy
learned to love the fut hog, and wept bitterly when
he was slaughtered.
Little Nike Connelly was bitten by yellow
dog some days ago His mother said that liz the
old country the lights and hair of the dog that bit
you" were a sure preventive against hydrophobia.
and Mr.. Connolly killed the yellow dog and
bound the lungs and some OF the hair on the wound
Mike is doing well, with no signs of rabies.
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
WASHINGTON c. THURSDAY @

wagon was unloaded. If the weather bureau
had been in operation then and there, it would
have displayed the storm flag over the territory
occupied by Company Q, warning its members
to look out for an immediate cyclone.
"Adjutanti" thundered the Colonel, =" have
Company @ formed at once, with haversacks
and knapsacks, aud march 'em to headquarters,
promptly. Do not delay an Instant"
Shorty half expecting something Of this ma
ture, had been smart enough to lOiter about
the Colonels quarters 10 see what shape things
would take. He hurried back to the company
and told ST to "get shut" of his plumber as
quick as possible.
"There's goin' ter be the biggest row ye ever
scent" he said.
ST and Shorty hastily took out of their hav-
ersaCks and pockets the fruits of their pill
lage. Their first impulse was to put them into
some other fellows haversack. They agreed
however that this would be too mean n thing
and they hurriedly hid them under log.
They were not moment too soon, for the
order Fall in, Company O." was already
being shouted by the Orderly. The company
was marched TO headquarters where the Colo
mel ordered every one to be searched, himself
giving personal attention to the operation. The
net result was miscellaneous heap of cans
and bottles and boxes taken from the persons
of half the men in the company.
"Ah! Corporal Klegg, I'm glad that none Of
this stuff was found on yOu!" said the Colonel
to his "model soldier" in whose faithful and
efficient performance OF duty he felt such a
kindly interest. IL shall not forget you, sir"
Sis face became as red as boiled beet, but 10
was growing dusk and if the Colonel noticed
it at all he doubtless imagined it to be the blush
of pride at being again so conspicuously COM
mended. ST didn't say anything.
Details from Company Q did all the hard,
extra duty of the regiment for a week. Thus
was the Colonels wrath appeased.
Sis conscience smote him that night, and he
wanted to carry the plumber and put it where
the Coloneps cook would find it in the morn
ing, but Shorty said there was no danger of
their being found out now, and they might as
well eat it up. So they went off behind tree
and had their "picnic."
ST." said Shorty, as he took a mouthful of
canned lobster, " its jest s I've told ye before;
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
FOR THE LADIES.

- Barbara Robinson, a little, unefiucatcd, nine
yearod negro girl of West Point. Ga, bids fair to
rival Blind rom pianist. She plays with won
derful correctness any composition that she has
once heard Like Tom, she seems obliviOUs to
everything else when listening to music playing
the piano.
"A witty lady, who IS, however. sometimes given
to eXagCeration, was trying TO tell friend what a
poor appetite she had and said II eat very little
Il flea would be II barbecue for me-
Miss Kitty Austin, SO years Old, stepped over
Friday, 70 call on friends. These villages are
just II miles apart.
One of the bOardcrs in Augusta Mel board
ing-house was annoyed at finding that some one
was smoking his favoritc meerschaum pipe. So he
loaded Il carefully with mixture of powder and
tobacco and went to business. When he returned
he received an emphatic expression of opinion
from an elderly and estimabe lady of the family
whose face WIS well Swathed i'll bandages that
covered powder marks. As for the pipe, that had
totally disappeared.
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
/ French Trick.

A French nobicman played game of ecarte
with foreign Count. The latter won, and the
Frenchman pulled out 10000 francs and hand
ed them to the winner, who quietly secured
them in his pocket-bOok and went home Early
next morning gentleman of aristocratic bear
ing and decorated with the order of the Legion
d'Honneur was shown into the apartment OF
the foreign Count, who was still asleep. Mon
seur," he said in tones trembling with excite
ment you hold in your hands the honor of a
whole family Indeed" !" Kindly tell me-
was it you who played with N. de H?" Yes"
You won 10000 frauds, and he paid you"
Yes. in bank notes, and | have them here"
"Well, sir, the notes are false Last night we
heard Of the nefariOus practices of our relative,
and ] came in heavens name TO ask you
to exchange them for 10 others l have
brought" The noble foreigner at once
exchanged the notes. In the evening
he was not a little surprised to meet his
opponent at the club, and TO be asked TO give
revenge. The foreigner curtly refused which
led to an explanation. The Count drew from
his pocket the exchanged notes he had received
iii the morning. They were false. The gentle
man with the decoration was a notorious French
SWiud ler
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
4 Good Dor Sfnrv.

Setter Van of Macon, Ga, is well known as
one of the best bird dogs of the land but now
he has immOrtalized himself. His master was
exercising him in field where a drove of cat
tie were grazing and Van came to a point III
beautiful form. While his master was walk
slowly up enjoying the sight, big bull walk
ed out from the drove and advanced upon the
motiOnless dog with great confidence. To his
astonishment the dog didn't stir. The bull
stepped, looked surprised, and took few more
steps. Then he stopped and looked and again
advanced, and so by degrees he reached the dog
and brushed the extended tail with his nose.
Then Van gave evidence of being alive by curl
ing the tail deftly between his legs, but other
wise remained as motiOnless rs craven image.
Somewhat embOidened by this success, The bull,
apparently still in doubt, slowly put his horns
under Vans hind legs and carefully lifted them
a couple of feet from the ground. Van never
hinched. Just then the birds arose and the
master fred, whereupon the dog turned upon
that bull with fury, and chased him until he
had fully avenged the insult.
The National tribune., 1886-03-25

vehemence and fervor into his eXhOrtatiOns
to the straining, painting mules. If all this
failed to produce the desired effect, there was q
general muster of renforcements. Axes, levers,
ropes and other appliances were brought into
reguiSition, and the combined efforts of men
and mules, with much prying and lifting and
yelling, were generally successful. The yell
ing was considered especially valuable as an
accessory. The greater the tug the louder
everybody yeled The shouts and exclama-
tory words were chiefly addressed to the mules.
Those who were not within convenient carshOt
of the team went in Oh general principles and
did their level best" to swell the din.
Corporal Klegg, with squad Of men which,
of course, included Shorty, accompanied the
headquarters wagon, containing the ColOnel's
outfit. 81, by reason of his rank, was in charge,
and determined to spare no effort TO bring the
Colonel's wagon through in good shape, what
ever might be the fate of the others. The team
was one cf the best in the train, the muletccr
was an artist in his profession, singularly gifted
in language, and for a time all went well. A
lift and yell now and then sufficcd to keep
the wagon moving with good degree of
prOmptitude.
ST and Shorty chattered as they trudged
along, occasionally giving their backs and
shoulders rest by hanging their knapsacks on
behind, or underneath, where the teamster
could not see them, and sliding their muskets
in among the baggage and tent poles that filled
the wagon to the very roof of the canvas. Once,
when stopping for brief rest the teamster
diSmounted and went TO the rear Of his vehicle.
This was prompted by seeing the men comfort
ably walking without their customary burdens.
Waving all ceremony. he quickly jerked the
knapsacks from their fastenings and flung them
on the ground. These were followed a moment
later by the guns, which he drew from their
places of cOncealment.
"Ye ought ter be 'shamed o yerselvcs, We
lazy lubbers," he said. There's every pound
on that wagin that them 'ere mules kin pull.
You ielleTs gifts paid for carryin them kuap-
sacks N guns, m we've got to arm yer money.
IF ! cotch We putin em on the wagin agin III
report We to the Colonel. Yc knows it's agin
orders"
''Sposin' you puts on my. traps n carries
EN- awhile. N see how We like it, while l ride
yer mule!" said 81, who was inclined to be a
little spunky about it, and for the moment for
got that he was a Corporal.
"Ye'd better be little keerful," said the
teamstcr "er yen git them stripes snatched
Off yer arms. You hear mc!'
81 knew that the mule-driver had the best of
the argument, and thought it wise not TO con-
tinuc the debate lie told the men to sling
The National tribune., 1886-03-25

rope, big enough to anchor ship, which had
been provided for such an emergency, was
fastened in the middle to the pole of the wagon
and run out ahead in two lines hundred feet
long. a3i
Every man to the ropes!" shouted the
Wagonmaster.
Corporal Klegg looked despairingIy at his
chevrons, as if he thought they ought to pro-
tect him from such indignties; but he did not
deem 1T wise TO make any more fuss about it.
81 didn't list fer mule!" he growled to
Shorty, as they took their places at the rope.
The men stretched away up the hill, like
the volunteer fremen of a generation ago haul
ing their "masheen" to a fire. Those who
were unable to find room at the ropes swarmed
around the wagon, some at the tail-board and
others at the wheels, ready to lift and push
when the word was given. A few, who had
not rushed with alacrity to the various posts of
duty, were left out, and they rather seemed to
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
State Granaries for England.
IPnN Mil Gn-ct,c1

The Miller of recent date recalls to our mind
the whole story of Joseph-not Joseph al
Whitehall, but Joseph in Egypt. The decrease
of wheat cultivation in this country, due to the
low price which has ruled in late years. is, ac-
cording to the Miller, gradually developing a
serious danger to the nation, and big war, il
is argued, would assuredly produce terrible dis
treSs among our people, for the price of foreign
brought wheat would go up Mt great bound
consequent on the inevitable rise in freight
and insurance, not to speak Of the mischief Of
which the enemy might be capable. Tho MI,
Ter, under these circumstances, strongly advo-
Gates policy of joseph In other words, il
starts movement for the introduction OF State
granaries, sufficient TO assure the country one
years wheat supply against any contingency.
This scheme, IL maintains would kill the pro-
tectiOnist agitation outright. And never be-
fore was there better opportunity to initiate
the plan, for wheat was never so low in price.
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
They Wouldn't Have Left A Chicken.
IChicdao Led0er.

In March, 1864, Gen. A. J. Smith was sent
from Vicksburg, with about 10, 900 men, to join
Gen. Banks, III what was known as the Red
River expedition. Gen. Banks had a corps or
more of Eastern troops. Gen. Smiths troops
were all Western men. The "Old boys need
not be told that the Western men were good
foragers, and that Gen Smith knew it. We
were generally known among the Eastern
troops as :" Old Smiths Guerrillas.''
Gen. Smith one day called at Gen. Banks's
headquarters, who, after the business at hand
had been attended to, suddenly broke out:
Say, Gen. Smith, think some OF your guer-
rillas stole my chickens last night"
I" HIM, guess not, General"
But, Gen. Smith, the evidence is pretty con-
elusive"
Why, how many chickens had you?"
"AGout twenty
"About twenty And you think my boys
have stolen them alp"
"All but three or four" replied Gen. Banks.
"H'm! Ny dear General" now l know it
could not have been done by any ofmy men, for
ifit had been they wouldn't have left id
chicken"
The National tribune., 1886-03-25

the South. They do not seem to begin or end
anywhere in particular. Often the devious
course runs through swamps and over rough
hills, the path filled with ruts and obstructed
by logs and stumps and stones.
"What sort o. road s this?" asked ST of a
woman who stood swabbing her mouth with
snuff at squatter's cabin by the wayside.
"Wall, it's far to middlin'," was the reply.
"Ye've seen better n / reck'n n ye've seen wuss.
! low We kin git through, but it IL take pow
erful sight O. pullin' in spots"
This diagnosis of the case proved to be cor
rect. The soldiers managed to "git through "
because they always did that, but the "power-
ful sight O. pullin'" was an important and
prominent factor in the operation.
Company @ was distributed along the regi-
mental train, half dozen men to each wagon.
When one of the wagons stuck" the men
took hold of the Wheels the teamster cracked
his whip with extra force, and threw additional
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
CoNrIscAr1Na THE WREcKAGE.

his pencil in his pocket as the boys furtively
snatched up these things and slowed them into
their haversacks
ST heSitated moment, while brief argu-
ment was going on, between his heart and his
stomach. The latter prevailed and 81 went in
for his share of the spoils of war.
Guess we'll have that picnic, after ALL" he
said to Shorty, stulling box of sardines into
his breeches pocket,
BY the time the Captain-who had staid at
the top of the hill TO superintend operations
reached the wreck all the loose edibles had dis
appeared, and the men were busily engaged in
clearing away the debris, preparatory to right
ing and reloadng the vehicle. This was ac-
complished in due time, and the wagon finally
reached the end Of the days journey without
further mishap.
BY this time it was nearly dark. The Colonel
had been long waiting for his supper, and was
in a condition bordering on starvation. Rumors
of the disaster to the wagon had reached him.
but the possibility Of a raid on his commissary
department did not for moment enter his
imagination.
There was sudden and alarming rise in the
temperature around headquarters when the
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
Pat the Tub Over the Dog.

The heroic conduct of Miss Lubiusky, who
lives between Newton and Mcpherson, in saw
ing the lives Of two children last Thursday
who were attacked by mad-dog, is worthy OF
commendati0n, Miss Lubinsky and two little
girls were going along. the young woman car
rying washtub, when they were met by the
dog, which first attacked one Of the children.
The young woman ran to the childs assistance
and drove the dog away. 1t then jumped at
the other child and the young woman went to
its rescue, when the dog attacked her. She
with great presence of mind managed to get
the dog down on the ground and the washtub
over and upon him, and so held him until some
men came TO her assistance and killed the ami
party,
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
The Winchester Club.

Toledo o., has a unique organization in the
shape Of Winchester Club" made up of the
survivors of Shields's Division, which whipped
Stonewail Jackson at Winchester, Va, March
%, 1852 The bulk of the resident members
belonged to the 9th Ohio and Battery II. 1st
o. /. ~, which were Toledo organizations. The
club meets every year on the anniversary of
and pork, drinks black coffee, listens to papers,
speeches, stories, etc, and has no end of a good
time. This year there will be a carefully pre-
Pared history of Shields's Division read by a
comrade who carried a musket for three years
in the 6th Ohio.
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
She Followed Him Up.

Col. Witherspoon, of Austin, Tex, has a
happy knack of saying mean things to his wife,
with whom he does not live very happily.
Did you hear about Mrs. Gateswinger "
she asked.
No. what's the matter with herr" asked
WitherspoOn.
She is dead. Her husband died three weeks
ago and now she has followed him to that
bourne from which no traveller e'er returns
Just think of it, only three weeks difference
between their deaths"
The poor devil Why, great gosh, he didn't
get any vacation after ALL so to speak"
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
Her Revenge Was Terrible.
TPitLsburg CbrcuiCle.1


"Here is rather sad incident in the paper,
my dear" said Squildig.
"What is it? asked his wife,
"a Bohemian girl at Chicago comrnitted sui
eide to spite her lover, who had offended her."
The foolish girl! / wouldn't have taken
out my spite in that way"
"What would you have done?"
"pd have married him."
And Squildig went downtown wondering how
he had offended his wife before they were mar
ried.
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
I Want n Wife.

To THE EDITOR: / desire to be married to a
neat, domestic young lady between the age of
% and %; or little older or little younger will
do. l am an American by BIRTH occupation
farmer, age y, five feet six inches in hight,
blue eyes light brown hair. l have farm of
1G0 acres. Would like to correspond with some
young lady. Every letter shall be answered.
-JoHN F. CLINK, Park Rapids, Hubbard Co.,
Minn.
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
Unheard.0f Impudence.
ITeras Siffia0s.l

"Pve had just about as much of your impu-
dence as l am going to stand" said Mrs. Judge
Peterby to Matilda SNOWFALL.
"Foah de Lord, dis am de berry fust time 1
has opened my mouf dis mawning."
That's neither here nor there. Last night
I dreamt about you. If there is any dreaming
to be done its your business to dream about me,
and should even regard that rs piece of in,-
pertinence. You be careful from now on"
The National tribune., 1886-03-25

their knapsacks and shoulder their guns, and
the procession again moved forward. But the
boys soon had their knapsacks hanging on the
wagon again, being careful to snatch them off
whenever the wagon stopped.
But trouble came at length. They reached
a slough where the mules sank to their knees
and the wheels went down to the hubs. The
driver yelled and cracked his whip in vain.
The wagon was immovable. After each repeated
effort it was only more hopelessly bemired. A
council of war was held, and it was decided that
the only way was to unload. Half the mem
bers of the company were summoned to their
assistance.
There was no alternative, and the men plunged
into the mud. Half dozen climbed upon the
wagon, threw off the cover and passed down
tents, baggage, and all the paraphernalia
Of the Coonels "mess" The men carried
them, splashing through the mud and water to
solid ground ahead, where they would have to
be reloaded.
ST stood with his hands in his pockets, with
the evident intention of conining his efforts to
bossng" the job. The Wagonmaster, mounted
| on mule came galloping up to see what the
trouble was all about. He was bu5tling and
fussy, like all Wagonmasters and made great
deal of noise to very little purpose.
" What ar ye standln' there for, like bump
on leg?' he said to 81. why don't ye take
hold and do something?"
I'm Il Corporal" said ST.
"Wall, that don't make any difference. You
jest wade in an help unload that wagon, or you
won't be a Corporal any longer n tomorrow
The man on the mule appeared to be master
Of the situation, and Si reluctantly obeyed the
order.
Thought yed have to como to it," said
Shorty, as Si took one corner Of the ColOnel's
mess-chest and went half way to his knees in
| the mud.
As soon as il was empty the wagon was pried
| up and the mules succeeded in getting it upon
| terra frma. Then it was reloaded .nd started
again upon its winding way. The tired and
| bespattered men sung knapsacks, shouldercd
muskets, and plodded on.
In some places the way was very stony and
uneven. More than once the wagon was only
| kept from overturning by the efforts of those
on the upper side of the road. There was much
tugging and lifting, and the men became thor
oughly blown"
At length steep and rugged hill was reached.
a glance was enough TO show that the mules,
| unalded, could not pull up the load and that a
combination of ali the physical forces at hand
would be necessary.
The whole of Company Q was ordered to the
scene of action. The men stacked arms and
stripped off their accouterments. long, stout
The National tribune., 1886-03-25

these things aint so bad as they seem, purvidin
We don't git ketchcd. Do ye know whar the
Colonel got them things?"
No, l s'pose he bought 'em, didn't he?"
said 81, innOcently.
Nary time" was the reply. "The Sutler
give 'em to him fer the privilege o skinnin
us bows ~
The National tribune., 1886-03-25

all of her brood that had escaped the ravages of
rats and the pip So at last the Drum Major
and the survivors OF the band were sent back
and mustered out and the 200th saw them no
laoTc
But while we arc holding an autopsy Oh
the late iamented brass band of the 200th
InaiIna, the regiment is stumbling along the
stre:oh of bad read, and Company q has entered
upon the active duties Of the day. 81 Klegg is
III the enjoyment of the picnic" he told
Shorty they would have.
Soon after leaving camp the column fled off
the pike aud sirucl, into one OF those barbarous
county roads or trails that are 50 common in
The National tribune., 1886-03-25

The Threat" BroIrns Bronchial TTochss :" act
directly on the organs Of the voice. They have an
extraordinary effect in all disorders Of the throat
The National tribune., 1886-03-25

nov of fine Perfume and q Rev sci of imported
lis XIX Cards for l0c. sc. A chance ofa life
~ CSN time. Aetna CHrs 60. Box 2742 NeT York.
Mention The National Tribuas.
The National tribune., 1886-03-25
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out i $3.50 sample sent free TO all
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The National tribune., 1886-03-25

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day be quietly made ut your own homes no can
wasting. Full particulars free Please address az once,
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The National tribune., 1886-03-25

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