davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07
BRIGHT BITS.

CAROLINE HERsCHELL, the woman astrono-
mer, admitted. at the age OF 80, that she had
never had an offer of marriage. She resem
bled the turtle, perhaps-she lived too much
In Herschell.-JHdGe.
THENEw ARRIvAL.-Teacher-W makes
you SO late in coming TO schoo?
Boy-Ah! sir, the stork brought me little
brother this morning.
Teacher (preOCCu pied)-Nerv good, but don't
let 1t happen again, mind ?-Udm6u1ger Re-
form.
WE were not greatly shocked to see our
mugwump and ariSLOcratc cont EN- porary,
the New York Evening Post, make this mar
ket quotation: Imported English peasants
are s. SO brace" CannI balism will sooner
or later, no doubt, become a well recognized
wee OF our miserable mlllIonaires.-PhtLtdet
DhtG NeloS.
1T requires a good deal of nerve to perform
duty visits under such conditions that hap
pened the other day when man in Paris
called at house where he had been dining
two days be ore. With his card case in his
hand he asked the concierge: Are NJ. amt
Nine. X at homer" "Yes. sir " 80. all
right; then [ Will call galn.'-London Globe.
81 SAY, Gawge. have you m ade fwiends with
your talaw YETI" Nav. OscAh, nav! Evah
since the awdacious wascul dunned me for my
clothes l have tweated him with silent con-
tempt. Yesterday he pawsed and repawsed
me, and bal Jove, looked up and didn't we
cOncile him. That's the way to treat such
wude people, dom chew know Whitehall
Times.
SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER-And what is
your fav0rite book, my little boy?
Little Boy-The Bible sir
5. 5. T.-And you love the Bible?
l.. B.-Yes, sir,
S. 5. T.-Anu why do you love the Bible
more than any other book9
/. B.-Because pa gives me five cents every
time | read it.-BoSto's Courier.
CUSTOMER ito drug clerkl-What do you
charge for arsenic?
Drug Clerk (suspcIously)-What do Won
want it for?
Customer-I am French candy manufac
| turer.
Drug Clerk tsuspicions allayed)-O, l beg
| pardon. sir; thought perhaps you wanted to
| take it yourseh.-Ae l0 York Sun.
TRAvELER(to ticket agent)-Gimme a ticket
to New Brunswick.
Agent-The next train doesn't stop at New
Brunswick. IL goes through that town at
fifty miles an hour.
IraVeer-That suits me I've umpired too
many games Of ball between the New Yorks
and Chicagoes TO be afraid to get Off train
that's only Jogging along at fifty miles an
hour.-Ne10 York Sue.
IN the Police Court: Judge-Stand up,
prisoner. What is your name and age2
Prisoner-Is it possible that your Honor
| does not recognize me? Your Honor has seen
me fully dozen times before.
Judge (surprsed)- MOI
Prisoner with cnndescension)-Ah well, it
does not surprise me. Since have changed
| the cut of my beard none of my friends recog-
nize me.-FfeRch Joke.
She lit my cigar;
We were parting, twas late.
Yet fingered on;
How 1 bless the kind fate
Which inclined her TO light my cigar.
As she lit my cigar
saw in her eyes
Something deeper than friendship,
And this swee. surprise
Made match as she lit my cigar
-PrOUidence Journal.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

Considerable difficulty is being expert
enced ia Chicago In getting jury TO try
the bomb-throwing anarchists. Hundreds
OF men have been summoned, but nearly
all of them who have been examined ap-
pear to have formed such decided opinions
respecting the case as to render them In
eligible.
There is a very strong suspicion that
many OF them nave perjured themselves.
Some don't want to leave their business,
and others, there is reason to believe, are
afraid to act as jurors. Indeed, one man
who was summoned said that if all the
anarchists were locked in the county jail
there would be no difficulty in getting
jury.
1t is alleged that the anarchists have
list of all those who are summoned, to.
gether with their places OF residence.
Incir plan is to so intlmidate them that 1t
will be impossible to get any but friends
Of the defendants on the jury. The plan
appears to be quite successful. Many
Of the men summoned would rather
swear to a falsehood than become the
objects OF the vengeance Of the anarchists.
They don't want any dynamite bombs
thrown into their residences, and they
don't want to run the risk of being stabbed
il the back on some dark night when they
are on their way to their homes. The
court and prosecuting officer have been
forced to reassure the weakened Chica-
goans tnat they can do their duty as
jurors without any reasonable apprehen-
sion of bodily harm.
There is no doubt that the anarchists
have much stronger toothOld in chi
cage than in any otner city in this coun-
try. In New York, Most, the anarchist.
and the boycotters who boycotted THESIS
saloon and compelled him 10 pay 81 600 for
boycottins expenses, were sent to the
peniIentary without any trouble, and at
Milwaukee, although an anarchist sue
ceeded in getting on the jury, those who
were arrested for making anarchist
speeches and for cOunsellng the people 10
use snot guns to overthrow the existing
state of society were convicted without
much trouble.
In New Y ork the Judge gave the convict
ed bOycotters some very wholesome adj
vice. He showed them that they were
guilty of tyranny much greater th an
that from which they fled in Europe, and
That they were only one step removed from
robbers. By the time they get out of State
prison they will be ready to let somebody
else have monopoly OF the boycOtting
business.
1t isn't possible to be too severe with
boycotters and anarchists. They don't
know what gratitude is. They are cranks
and fanatics, and the more consideration
that is shown them the more Immoderate
they become in their demands. Pub
lie sentiment is against them, and it is
the duty of the press and the pulpit to
keep it against them. Without the sup
port of public opinion they can do moth
ing.
The people of Chicago who are not
ready TO assist in holding up the hands of
the authorities will have occasion to re-
greet that they hesitated to respond
promptly to the call of duty.
Now is the time to stamp out the anar-
chsts while they are scared and weak.
A victory in the courts might so swell
their ranks that they could be controlled
only by the sacrifice of many lives and
much property.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

Judge Gayarre, of Louisiana, IL spoken
of as the successor to Minister Cox, who
represents this country at Constantinople.
Mr.. Cox, it seems, wants to get back to
Congress. He has seen enough of Turkey
and the Turks. He has written some en-
he hasn't made any particular mark as
diplomat. 1t is probable, however, that
no opportunity for him to display his tai
ents in that direction has presented itself.
Judge Gayarre 10 a very old man, but
is still strong and in the enjoyment Of eX-
cellent health. He ranks with the first
men of his State. AS a literary man he
stands high, and Is an authority on all
matters relating to Louisiana and the
Craoles. If he should be appointed to
succeed Mr.. Cox he will be a credit to
the country. He will not initiate our
Minister to Japan, who wrote to friends
respecting the bathing costumes of
the females of that country; nor our
wrote home to old cronies pointing out
the way to make money at Buenos Ayres I;
nor our minister to the United States of
Colombia who, 1t is alleged, had fist
fight with our Consul at BogOta,
Judge Gayarre is a cultivated, capable
gentleman, and if the administration
honors him with diplomatic appoint
ment 1T will have no cause to regret it's
action
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07
INDEI FONBE ADVERTISEMENTS.

NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Enc2mpment No l. l.
o. o. r.; Hibernian Society; Georgia iiistorl-
cal Society: Boz ri Of Trustees University Of
Virginia: ST. Johns T. A. and Il. Society
AMUsEMENTs-Base Ball Atlanta vs. sa-
vaunah.
STEAMSHIP SCHEDULE Baltimore Line;
Ocean steamship Co.
PRoPos ALs-For Supplying Gas, etc. at
Custo House.
CHEAP COLUMN ADvERTISEMENTs-He
Wanted; Emp oyment Wanted; For Rent;
Photography: Miscellaneous.
DIssOLUTIoN-Ilerb & Palmer.
A FINE FLORIDA ToN1c-Guinn's Pioneer
Blood Remover.
NOTICE TO TA1LoRs-Frauk E. Rebarer
Clerk of Council.
UCATIoNAL-StauntonF Female Seminary,
Staunton, Va; St. Mary's school, Raleigh,
n. c.
FoR TYBEE-Stcamer Ethel.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07
A Categorical Witness.

From the Detr0tt free Press.
do you know the witness well?" asked the
Never knew him sick" replied the wit
ness.
mo levity, ;" said the lawyer, sternly. "Now,
sir, did you ever see the prisoner at the
Had many drink with him at the bar"
ANSWER my question, SIR yelled the law
yer. "How long have you known the pris-
oner?'
From two feet up to five feet ten inches"
"Will the court make the -"
II have, your Honor" said the witness,
anticipating the lawyer, 81 have answered
the question. Iknowed the prisoner when he
was a boy two feet long and man five feet
ten"
The lawyer arose, placed both haads on the
table in front of him, spread his legs apart,
leaned over the table, and said:
"Win you tell the court what you know
about this caseP
THAT amt his name"
"what amt his name?"
"Case2p
''Wh no said it was?"
'You did You wanted to know what I
knew about this Case-his name is Smith"
Your Honor" hOwled the lawyer. pluck
ing his beard out by the roots, will you make
this man answer"
witness, you must answer the questions
put to YOU" said the Judge.
Land O. Goshen, your Honor, hain't bin
dom it? Let the counsel fire away. Pm
ready"
Then" said the lawyer. don't beat about
the bush any more. You and this prisoner
have been friends"
"Nevern'
"Wnat! wasn't you summoned here as a
friend of his?"
"So, sir: | wassummoned here as a Presby-
terrain. Neither of us was ever Friends; no
Quaker about him."
stand downr yelled the lawyer in deep
disgust.
"Hey2'
''Stand down"
Cant do it. I'll sit down or stand up"
usher, remove that man from the box"
Witness retired, mutterlng: "Well, il he
amt the thick headedest lawyer l ever laid
eyeson"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07
A New Scheme TOR Beating the Tailor.

Fran the Detroit free fFeSs.
He went into the store of one of the most
fashionable talors In Chestnut street and ar
rayed himself in an expensive summer suit
Then he said:
II must paw you by check, but as You do rot
know me | will not ask you TO take one OF my
own. You are acquainted, of course, with the
gentlemanswho keeps the drug store on the
corner? Let us so in there. He is friend OF
mine and is preparing check for me.
In the drug store the stranger called out
Familiarity to the proprietor, who was behind
the screen: doctor, Is that ready?"
I'm a moment,'' was the reply.
Then said the stranger to the tailor: u
must go across the street and see that 1t is all
right"
In little while the tailor was handed a
bottle.
"What Is this?" he asked
''Your cough mixture"
II don't want cough mixture. l want a
check"
81 know nothing about check"
Then 1T came out that the stranger had
ordered at the drug store cough mixture for
his dear friend. Mr.. --, the tailor, who was
suffering from a severe cold. The doctor
knew nothing aboutshis enterprising visitor e,
and he has not returned to inquire If the
tailor Is better.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07
Uncle Dick OgIesby Before the Prohibi
tfonists.
From the Chicago Times.

At the Illinois State Prohibition Convention
in Springfield on Wednesday a sensation was
created by the result of a motion made by Fl.
II. HOff, directing the chairman to appoint
committee OF three to wait on Gov. Oglesby
and invite him to address the convention.
Col. James Felter opposed the motion warmly,
claiming that he thought it unwise for the
convention to seek the advice of a man who
had never professed even the slightest sympa-
Thy with the cause Of prohibition AS well
might minister, after revival, turn the
converts over to an infdel for Instruction.
Mr.. Hof defended his motion, which was
finally adopted by an almost unanimous vote.
Gov. Oglesbv was greeted with enthusiastic
applause by the delegates and audience.
He began his address by complimentlng the
ladies and praIstngathe men, saying he con-
coded to all ProhibitiOnists the right to their
opinions, ana also the right to enforce those
opinions should they ever gain the necessary
political power. There were naturally many
questions of Importance before the people.
one of these questions was that or revenue
and revision of the revenue laws; another
was the agitation against convict labor. Re
ferring to prohibition, he admitted that
drunkenness was curse, but did not quite
lndOrse the third party movement. He was
well satisfied with the present statute laws Of
the State on that subject. Besides the PrOhi-
bition party there were two or three others.
and he belonged to one of them. He liked his
own family, but, aside from Democratic, Re-
publican and Prohibition parties, there was a
citizenship which was higher than them all.
10 make it better is a worthy ambition. Let
us, said he, make good laws, and work for
good society. morality and decency.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

1t seems that somebody has been tam
pering with the Congress siOnal Record, but
then somebody is always tampering with
that publication. ltdoesn't appear to suit
some of our statesmen until they have
revised it. The Washington Post
of Monday says: "When the vote
was taken on the appropriation
for the Bartholdi statue it was
discovered that four New Workers known
to favor the measure were absent, namely:
Felix Campbell, T.J. Campbell. Bliss and
Mahoney. They were not in the House and
did not vote, and the measure was there
fore lost by their votes. They ought to have
been present and voted; so, 10! when the
Record appears all four men are named as
in their places and voting for the measure.
In order to make the forgery possible four
other men who were absent must have
been recorded in the negative. Who per-
petrated this trick? viii the Speaker of
the House Inquirer
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

Yesterdays mass meetings and prima-
ries virtually settled the Gubernatorial
question. The masses of the Democratic
party have indicated very clearly that
they prefer Gen. Gordon to Maj. Bacon
that, in fact, they want him for Governor,
and the majority must rule. Gen. Cor
don will have more delegates instructed
for him than Will be necessary to give HIM
the nomination. Indeed, IL would not be
surprising II he should have two-thirds of
them.
There ls, doubtless, a feeling of relief
throughout the State that the campaign
is about over. Interest in it will grad
ually die out now that 1t is pretty clearly
indicated who the nominee for Governor
will be.
The campaign has been a remarkable
one in several respects, but especially Tor
the personalities introduced into it.
Whatever has been said, however, that is
calculated to disturb the harmony Of the
party ought to be forgotten. The aim OF
all Democrats should be to give the ticket
that Will be nominated by the convention
a united and enthusiastic support.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

From the Christian A dsoedtes
Half a bar, half bar.
Half bar onward!
Into an awful ditch,
Choir and precentor hltchj
Into ii mess OF pitcn,
They led the Old Hundred.
Trebles to right of them,
Tenors to left of them,
Bases in front of them,
Beloved and Numbered,
Oh. that precentor's look
When the sopranos took
Their own time and hook
From the Old Hundred.
Dire the precentor's glare,
Flashed his pitchfork in air,
Sounding fresh keys TO bear
Out the Old Hundred,
Swiftly he turned his back,
Grabbed his hat off the rack,
Then from the screaming pack
nim-elf he sundered.
oh the wild bowls they wrought!
Quite to the end they fought!
Some tune they sang, but not
Not the Old Hundred.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07
silly Republican Audacity.

from the Washington Post (Dsm)
Postmaster General Villas act in perempto-
rlly dlscharging the Western clerks who con-
spred to intimidale the department meets
with unqualified approval in all quarters and
by all parties. His promptness conveys a les
ing audacity. though, IN the attempt of few
hundred Republican clerks preparing to put
shackles on the wrists of Uncle sam! That
scheme is enough to make Eaton ana George
William Curtis and Martin Irons blush at the
futInty of their machinery.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07
CURRENT COMM Nr.
What the PeopIa Want.

From the Philade2Dhia Rec7rd tDe1n.)
IT may be tarff revision to select an object
OF import alton from which revenue is derived
and put prohibltory duty upon it, but 1t Is
not tax reduction. II the people are not to be
benefited By tariff revision, they don't want
tarlf revision. They wish to get rid Of taxes
instead of having new taxes laid upon them.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07
Edmsnds' UaruIfiIed Promise.

FTOIn tAe We9o York Tunes IND }
After Mr. sck's railroad attorneys bill
had been surrendered to the tender mercles
of the Senate's judiciary Comm ittee, Mr.. Ed
lnunds the Chairman Of thai comm ttee, in
burst OF generosity, assured the friends of the
Olll that they should have 1.-THE pleasure OF
having the bill back again within eight days"
Fhat promise WAS made on June %, but the
Dill has not been released.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07
Dana Indorses the vetoes.

Fr0a' the Ve10 York Sun (Indl
Mr.. Cleveland's course has here been In the
true line OF Democratic protest. on. whatever
may have been his divagations in point OF
theory. His vetOe7 of the pension bills are not
only popular IN themselves, but they will be
thought TO indicate a resolve 10 veto extrava-
CANT big bills, since he is so careful about
small ones
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

Yesterday the MORNING NEWS received
large mail. Many OF the Southwestern
papers were over week old. The rail-
way postal officials should locate the
blame for the recently seemingly mex
cusabe delays to the mails, and make It
reasonably certain that things will be
managed In better manner next time
there is break in any particular line Of
road.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

Apropos of the suggestion made by the
MORNING NEWS some time ago to the
effect that ait wouldn't be a bad idea to
so arrange that all the counties of the
State could elect delegates on the same
day, of which due notice should be given,
so that everybody concerned could have
fair play, and that the whole business De
ended at once" the Augusta Chronicle
remarks. This would not only be much
fairer TO candidates, but would relieve the
public mind OF unruly passions" "Un-
ruly passions is good. No doubt our
esteemed contemporary would like to
control It's own "unrulv passions" which
have to some extent been excited during
the present campaign. The MORNING
NEWS begged the press and people, at the
opening of the campaign, to keep cool,
and the request or advice has been very
generally needed. but enough have given
rein to their "unruly passions" to make
quite a nice little row in some parts Of
the state. 1t is not too late to repeat,
keep cool, dear friends" and, "if you
can't keep altogether cool, keep as cool
as you can"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

Congressman Martin, of Alabama, who
voted against the consideration OF the
Ways aud Means Committees tariff bill,
has been made LII. D., by a country
college. The Rome Courier thinks the
abbreviation stands for Left the Loyal
DEMOCRACY.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

The North Georgia moonshiners can
soon substitute the WINE press for the
Illicit still if the exception in the local
option law proves effective in cultivating
the milder form of tipping among the
people OF Atlanta.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07
The Morning News for the Summer

The Morning News for the Summer.
Persons leaving the city for the summer
can have the MORNING News forwarded
by earliest mail to any address at the rate
of 81 80 for three months, or 81 per month,
Sunday edition included. The address
may be changed as often as desired. In
directing change care should be taken
to mention the old as well as the new ad-
Dress
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

Queen Victoria has the reputation of
being an inveterate matchmaker. I'm
fortunately this is true, and some OF her
work has turned out to be regular lucifer
matches.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

l.. Sullivan delying the Jersey lightning
on Boston common. The great slugger
can proudly eXclaim: "Thus we journey
to the stars
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

American" Bright pupil-"COlumbus."
Teacher-''Correct! Now who discOv-
cred England?" PupIl-"Henry Wat
terson,1
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

While public opinion is growing very
strong against the leasing Of convict
labor and the traffic in Aldermen, no pro-
test has been made against the selling OF
base ball players.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

Theodore Roosevelt, the young Repub-
iican ex-ref0rmer of New York, is still
writing big stories about hunting in the
far West. The reGormer evidently needs
reforming
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

A crazy dyer named Apteld went TO the
White House on the glorious Fourth 10
kill the President. A Washington special
says: "His entrance was unobserYed by
the doorkeeper. AS soon as he entered
the yestibule he fell on his knees and
prayed God to give him strength to kill
the President, as lie had put it into his
heart to do the deed. The police in the
building seized him, and on locking him
up in a station house cell he became
raying maniac, and tore all his clothes
off," The White House doorkeeper should
keep sharper lookout for cranks, politl-
cal hacks and crazy men, as it is impor-
|tant TO the country that the President
shall --Ather be annoyed. talked to death
nor shot
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

Senator Jones, OF Florida, has been
taken as an example Of devotion by a
young man OF Eimsport, Pa, who is in
love with young female neighbor. He
insisted upon "seeing her home from
church" the other night, She objected.
He insisted. She slapped his face. He
followed her and entered the house. She
got a whip and drove him out. He
fingered on the piazza. She drove him
off. He says be Will have that girl yet.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

Some OF the State papers are trying to
convince themselves that assumed virtue
is its own reward. If they would be really
Virtuous they would be really happy.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

A Philadelphia man committed suicide
the other day because his most affection
ate relative was an ''uncle" who advanced
him a dollar on a S25 oyercoats
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

The Augusta Chronicle thinks that the
barbecue has had much TO DO with the
way the counties are going in the Guber-
material campaign. There are many,
however, who lay the blame on the BOOM
erang
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

The MORNING NEWS is published daily, IN
euding Sunday. 1t is served to Subscribers
Ia NE city, by newsdealers ana carriers, o. %
their own account. at Is cents a week, 81 "
q month, IS 90 for six months and $40 wior
one year.
The MORNING NEWS, 6g mail, including
one year, $40 90
The MORNING NKws, 6y mail, six times
week without sunday issue, six mont tbs u W.
one year, IS 90.
SUNDAY NEWS, bu mail, one year, 50 90.
WEEKLY NEWS one year, 81 y. In CLUBS OF
I've, one year, S. 90. ~.
Subscriptions payable in advance. KEN
by postal order or note, check or registered
letter Currency sent by mail at rIsk OF
senders. ,
Letters and kilograms should be addressed
s'MoRHING NKws, Savannah, Ca
Adyertising rates made known on apphca-
rtion.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-07

Rea,sl1red at NE Post oeFee ~ sapannah.