Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1886-04-08
CELESTIAL HUMoR.

The CHINA Recisp published a collec-
ton OF Chinese humorous anecdotes. -
lected from the -Hsiao Lin Kuang." or
Book Of Laughter" some OF which are
interesting because they are identical
with stories familiar to western ciyiliza-
ton. while Others have peculiar Celes-
tial accent:
Two persons standing over a stove on
a cold day. warming themselves. were
overheard indulging in the following
dialogue: No. |. apathetic, and given
to verbiage. addressed No. 2. reputedly
hot-tempered and decisive, whose clothes
ne noticed smoldering, rs follows: my
dear friend, there is something l would
like to speak to you about; / have seen
it for some time, and all along have
wanted to tell you. but as people say
your temper is fiery, hesitated; on the
other hand. II do not speak you may
be the loser. so / have come to the con-
clusion at last to ask your permission to
do So" s-Out with il, said the other.
swell. your clothes are burning" mild
ly continued No. 1. 'Why the Deuce"
cried No. 2 in passion, as he observed
considerable damage already done,
/ "could you not speak at onceP' at Is
true then what people say; what tenn
per he has got" muttered No. l, as he
4 lazily moved of.
A woodcutter was at work in concert
| with his son. while his little grandchild
! played near them. The old man accident
! ally cut his sons finger. whereupon the
! irate sufferer called his father blind
old fool. "You son of dog!'' cried the
little boy, show dare you abuse your,
/ fatherW
The following Is told of an incorrigi-
bly, idle offspring Of literary father: A
! youngster. having a great disinclination
to study. was shut up in a closet, with
strict injunctions to apply himself.
! Stealing near the parent the parent to
his delight, heard the boy droning over
his book. and was presently still more
pleased by hearing the supposed student
/ exclaim, Il understand it, The ex-
cited father rushed in, crying out, Il am
proud, my son, that you have at last
mastered that work" "Yes," said the
boy, 81 always thought books were
written. but to-day have discovered
they are printed"
.'Come home to dinner" cried good
housewife to her husband at work in o
field. "All right" he shouted, "as soon
1 as have hid my hoe" At dinner his
wife demonstrated with him for shout.
ing so loudly about hiding his hoe. Il
am certain, /" said she, "the neighbors
have heard you, and someone has al
1 ready stolen it" Struck with the re-
mark, the man returned to the field, and
sure enough the hoe was gone. On re-
| turning to his house, and impressed
with the wisdom of her previous eau
ton, he whispered into his wife's ear,
''The hoe is stolen"
The following impromptu, though
consequent on fall, can not be looked
on as the outcome of deficient under
standing. A man stumbled and fell.
Trying to rise, he again fell. "Hang
it." he cried, "if had known was to
fall again, would not have tried to
get up"
A woman was tanning the corpse Of
her husband, and being asked by the
neighbors why she famed a dead man
in the middle of the winter, she replied:
..My husbands last words were, Wife,
wait till l am cold before you marry
again.
The feminine propensity for conceal.
ing age, and resenting impertinent
questions in regard to it, is common to
all times and nationalities; but this does
not detract from our admiration of the
trick by which the truth was got at in
the following instance: A man, newly
married, thought when his wife un-
yelled for the first time, that she looked
rather old and wrinkled. Telling her
so. he asked her real age, when she re-
piled. .s45 or 49," "You wrote in the
marriage contract 38 years." said he,
'.but you look even more than 45 or 46. !"
At last she admitted "a. The husband
was still doubtful; so he bethought him
self Of a stratagem for getting at the
truth. Jumping up he said, Il must
cover up the salt before going to bed,
or else the rats will eat it all before
morning" WELL" said his wife, laugh
ing, II have heard Of and seen many
strange things in the sixty-eight years Of
my life; but never saw or heard of rats
eating salt before"
| "A spirit about to be re-embodied was,
at the final interview with the lord Of
hades, informed that he was to be born
into a rich family, and would become
very wealthy. Il don't want it, said
the spirit; '.iust give me enough
for food and clothes, that is sufficient"
mo, no." was the reply; lyon must
have few thousand dollars; it would
never do to let you have too easy a
life."
A noted liar once told friend that
he had at home three precious things "a
4 bullock which could run one thousand
Ii day; a fowl which crowed at the be-
ginning Of each watch, day and night,
and dog that could read books. The
friend intimated that he would lose no
time in seeing, with his own eyes, these
marvels. The man did not expect this,
as his house was somewhat distant; so
he went home and told his wife that he
was caught at last, and that tomorrow
the man would arrive and he would be
disgraced. .sNever mind" said his
spouse, '.leaye that to me; it will be all
right; only you must keep out of sight"
Next morning the visitor arrived, and,
being met by the mistress, asked where
her husband was. He has gone to
Pekin, !" she replied. when will he be
backpn "In eight or nine days" .Why,
how can he be so quickp" HE has
gone off on our fast bullock, and can do
It easily" Il hear you have also won
derful fowl" said the visitor, and, be-
hold, as he was speaking, a small cock