The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-07-01
WIT AND HUMOR.
HE MAN WHO ADvERT1sES.

! start it with Your biggest letter. set IT up 3
little BETTE than that other feler's ad.
! across the WAY.
/ want it fixed up nice at the cheapest kind
] OF prIce-Im going to see II advertising
doesn't pay"
( Now every spring and winter he rushes to the
! printer, and in the time of summer and
| the fall.
And his copy is so plain you can read and come
again-oh! the man who advertises
/ knows Il all.
/ Then the paper man sits down and scratches
on his crown and hits his scalp fearful
/ He's thinking as he's winking: "were columns
made all top, my business l could drop.
! be fat and sleek, and rich as mud"
Lynn (Mass.l Item.
| The following humorous verses from
the pen of Phoebe Cary. have never be-
| fore been published. They were recent
ly found by Gen. S. F. Cary while look
ing through some old papers of the
| famous sisters:
No matter how strictly according TO Hoyle
You may shuttle your cards or your owe NOR
tai coll
How you play out your best cards or what you
There is one who can beat you and give you
the dell
In the sharp game Of life you may win the
But, after you've cut your last cards and your
trick,
Then, deuce take in all, even though you die
game,
Whether kings, queens, or knaves, he viii
take you the same.
You will find life at last a pretty grave Joke
For you can't let it pass and you cannot re-
woke:
Gabriel trl5es you at last YOU may like it Oh
lump,
For he'll order you up, and he holds the Last
trump
A woman and a new dictionary al
ways try to have the last word.-Neao
H0Uen NeUS.
Let a detective-looking fellow follow
New York Alderman for more than two
squares and the Alderman will turn and
say: See here, pledge you my word
had nothing to do with that bribery
business. "-Nea0 Orleans Picayune
Wife-'.Do you know why you prefer
a game of baseball to the theater?"
Husband Gust from the game)-"Sher-
tainly, m dear (hic). Its more exciting"
Wife-'Exactly. You can 90 out nine
times between the acts. "-NeaO York
San.
A little Scotch boy, on being rescued
by bystander from the dock into which
he had fallen, expressed heartfelt graft
tude, saying: I'm so glad you got me
out What a lickin' | wad have frae my
my mither if l had been droonedr'-
NeU YORK. Journal.
a gentleman walking through a rail
road station the other day was accosted
by fair maiden thus: ''She-"Excuse
me, but is not this Mr.. Gray?" He
80, no; that is not my name" She
with an expression of the greatest sur
prise)-"Why, are you sureP"-Bostora
Record.
Little Willie prayed long and ineffect-
ually for little brother. At last he gave
it up as mo USE" Soon after his mother
had the pleasure of showing him twin
babies. He looked at them moment
and then exclaimed: How lucky it was
that / stopped praying! There might
been threer'-Ba6yhood.
"What a lovely womanr' was the ex-
clamation of Chief-Justice Waite upon
passing first class beauty when walk
ing down Pennsylvania avenue with a
friend. ''What an excellent Judger'
said the lady, when her sensitive ear
caught the tlattering decree of the Chief
Justice.-Neao York Ledger.
A boy down at San Juan gained an
enviable religious reputation by COM
hitting to memory 1000 verses of the
Bible, and was rewarded by the present
| of a shotgun. His reputation was some
| what smirched however, when four
| days after he shot his grandmother in
| the right leg.-Sdn Francisco Alta.
Ponsonby-''Try one of these cigars,
Bagley = the celebrated Mackerel
| brand" Bagley (after brief intervaD
did you say these cigars We're cele-
I bratedP" Ponsonby - 'Certa inIy."
| Bagley (decidedly)-"I think they are
| bad" Ponsonby (coollyl-"That's what
| they are celebrated for PhiLadeIphtd
| Cali
Il wish, job" said Mrs. Shuttle, ''that
you would bring up few yards of barb
ed wire tonight" ''Barbed wire? What
sort of dress trimming do you call that?'
| go, it isn't for dress trimming. You
| know better than that. I'm going to
run a barbed-wire fence around the bed.
| | don't want any Anarchists to get I'M
| der it. "-Hartford Post.
A superStitious subscriber, who found
a spider in his paper, wants to know if
it is considered a bad omen. Nothing
| of the kind. The spider was merely
looking over the columns of the paper
| to see what merchant was not advertis-
ing, so that it could spin its web across
| his store door and be free from disturb
ance.-PldttSm0oth Journal.
The bride stands the ordeal of we'd
| ding ceremony better than the bride
| groom, as rule. The latter usually an
swers the questions of the officiating
clergyman in hesitating and subdued
| tone, while the bride speaks out distinct
| ~ and stands up heroically, as if she
was not afraid, but was proud. Why
! this difference?- Cincinnati Commercial
| Gazette.
Hostess Co Bobby, who is dining out
with his mother)-:Will you have an
other piece of pie, Bobby" Bobby
YES m" Hostess (smiiingly)-"And
| so you are one of the fortunate little
boys whose mammas let them have the
second piece OF pie?" Bobby-"Yes'm
she does when we're out visitin'; but at
home never get but one piece. "-Har-
| per's Bazaar
"B. j. "-Bachelor of Journalism-is
| the degree suggested for college gradu-
ates Who have pursued a special course
| of study to fit them for the newspaper
profession. When fellow has secured
| this degree, the thing for him to do is to
! 60 to work at the bottom, in a news
paper Office, and work up to the practi-
cal degree of IN. P. M."-Newspaper-
man.-Springfeld Union.
Three weeks ago an Indiana man
taught his dog very finely bred, we'll
| behaved setter, to chew tobacco. Now
the dog comes into the house by the
back door, never scrapes his feet on the
mat, never goes to church, is careless at
his meals, gets burs in his tail, goes
with a lower grade of dogs, and it is
feared that he is beginning to take an
interest IN politics.-Burdette.
What kind of fowl do you call
| this?" asked boarder of K street
] 10 ,AlnIx- h.