The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-11-25

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"Winter comes on apace!" exclaims the poet.
Yes, but he'll leave in mighty slow walk.
The American dudes should be suppressed.
They have ruined the importing trade in
monkeys.
| When great musician has a "dream," he
generally puts it into music that gives every
body else the nightmare.
The Free Trade Congressman seem to have
been taken at their word. Their constituents
traded them off for better material.
The trouble with many statesmen is that he
spreads himself over so much of the territory of
public affairs that he loses his identity.
Nature gives to every creature something to
| build hope upon. The songless bird is endowed
with beauty-the idiot with conceit.
Why do they call Miss Winnie Davis "the
daughter ofthe Confederacy ?" Why not call
her the "orphan of the Confederacy?"
Too many men misconstrue the command
'love your neighbor as yourself" and fulfill it
by loving their neighbors wives.
1t is fact that when COW kicks the milk
all out of the bucket, she kicks all the religion
out of the woman doing the milking, at the
same time.
While Carlisle looks back over the political
waste and mourns for those Members who we've
lost-he can thank his lucky stars that he
squeezed through.
"This world is not big enough TO hold both of
us!'' ffercely yelled the angry man. But with
in an hour he found one small cell big enough
for one of them.
Yes life is all son-shine. In youth his bright
eyes and cheeks shine; in early manhood his
nose shines; and in old age the top of his head
shines. It's son-shine all along.
A shorthand writer was employed to report
a woman's convention out wesf. His friends
are permitted to see him occasionally, at the
Asylum.
The politician who spouts about "the wants
of laboring men," don't understand the situa-
tion. The lab oring men want hi TO go to
work. That's all.
The statue of Liberty stands ready to light
the world--if some patriot will outdo Uncle
Sam by presenting her with supply of pine
knots.
above the man in the moon," but many man
tries to get even by getting drunk, lying on his
back, and making faces at the man in the
moon.
When an Ohio man says he's going "coon"
hunting, nothing is thought of it-but when a
Mississippi man says it, they expect murder
Attorney, to witnes-"What is your occupa-
tlon?"
Witness-"I am book-agent."
The Jud ge-"The witness can stand ASIDE"
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A report in a Columbus paper tells of "a man
cruelty beaten 10 DEATH" 1t was a shame
why didn't they beat him to death softly, and
tenderly?
The duties of the country editors, rule,
are much less ard uous now than formerly. The
principal work now consists in saving and fit-
ting plates.
The old topper smacks his lips when he reads
in the daily papers of the iwhisky poel," and
says "ah wouldn't like to be there, thought"
The suspension bridge fool is just now getting
away with the coal-oil fool. One of the former
jumped from Niagara bridge, and broke rib
but didn'. hurt the bridge
One of the strange features of the human ex-
istence, is to man co1tentedIy sleeping in
Church while the Minister is preaching earn
estly about n live church.
Instead of as king your friend to "come and
take drink" just ask him to "come and take
ten cents,'' and see how much better you will
both feel afterward.
"There is one Knight of Labor in the nl,w
Congress. Let him boycott all the long speech
es."-Couriour- j ournal.
Yes and if the boycott fails to stop the long
wiuded speeches, let him do a little vigorous
striking"
Kentucky paper says ''the price of balbed
fence-wire has gone up, five dollars on the ton"
That's probable because so many of the politi-
clans are sitting on the fence.
Three young Jackson men at the Band Fes-
tival last week, had their girls with them, but
quietly slipped away from them and went TO
the reheshment stands and ate supper. They
knew thing or two-they had probably seen
the girls eat, before.
The world is not improving very rapidly af-
ter all. For thousands of years, men have been
trying to beat the record making drunken
exhibitions of themselves. But none of them
have ever beaten old Noah yet.
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1t is said that Speaker Carlisle went home to
stump his District for the purpose of proving,
by greatly increased majority, that his con-
stituents endorsed his course. He wishes now
that he had remained in Washington.
The President says "I don't think there ever
time when newspaper lying was so gem
eral as at the present Time" Quite right, dear
Grover. There never was time when there
We're many Democratic newspapers.
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The Courier j Journal rejoices that ''nineteen
of the renegades who voted with the Pennsyl-
vanian gang, against the Morrison bill," were
defeated. But where's Morrison? His constit-
uents seemed to think that he needed rest from
his excessive tariff labo1s.
80
a man in a New Yorj: boarding house look a
whole chicken on his plate, and eight of them
fought over it until everything in the room
was wrecked. The trouble was, each had lit
tie foul whisky on the inside.
Rev. j. KlingeI, an aged preacher at Tifin,
Ohio, was paralyZed while praying. But,
young man, this is exception. You may
pray with perfect feeling of security.
1t is claimed that the Chief of Police of Wash
| ngton has given olders to spot Congressman in
! their visits to questionable places. We hope
this will not be done. 1t won't of course affect
Ohio, but some of the members would be so
spotted their con -tituents wouldn't know
them.
We were searching the papers for the present
location of the pistol-fOol, and found him to he
( at Muncie, Indiana, where he shot woman.
But we found in the same column where he
was at Newark, Ohio, and shot a child. He
seems to be everywhere.