News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-08-19

that Jones was shot IN the discharge OF
his duty.
Private Bungs-Well, some say he was
shot in the suffers store, and others say
he was shot in the leg, but he got h S
pension for nervous p,ostration brought
on by dodging the provost guard in
Washington. = L0aceU Citizen.
HISTORY.
Aunt (reading OUT" william the
First left Normandy to his son Robert,
England to William, and large sum III
money to Henry"
Maurice-"Do you think he did it,
Aunty ?'
Aunt-"Did what, Maurice ~
Maurice-''Henry, Aunty. Do you
think he did the large sum ?"-Puneh.
''Do you know that Nigster is so
weak that he can't stand alone 2" asked
the Judge.
Mercy, nor replied the Major
"What is the matter with him 9.'
"Why, / asked him if he could stand
loan of five dollars, and he said he
couldn't. ."-IeraS Siittings.
A TRIP.
Boy--Father wants three pounds OF
steak, and l will bring the money around
tomorrow.
Butcher-Wait until to morrow comes,
bub, and then you won't have to make
two trips.-Judge.
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
AFTER all, it may turn out that the
only honest butter is the goat.
WHEN the summer resorts fill up it
becomes more difficult for the boarders
to do so.
QUEEN ELIZABETH style is expected to
come in again about 1888. This is, in
deed, rlff.
'IDo MY best to bring mankind high
err" as the elevator boy said, "but some
will keep going down"
THERE are two things in this life that
can be depended upon to stick. A por-
Gus plaster and stylographic pen.
EDUCATED tramps are rare. They al
ways say: 81 seen some wood" They
never put it: 81 saw some wood"
IT is stated that young girl in New
York is a skllful locksmith. She is
probably one of those whom Love
laughs at.
Yes, we should like to
have you write for our paper. Address
your letter to the business ol1iae and it
will be sent to you.
IT is small wonder that Chicago wants
Il military post. If railroad strikes and
Anarchist riots continue there, she will
want whole army soon.
A PIoUs old lady recently sent as
wedding presents pair of tiatirons, a
rolling pin, and motto worked on
cardboard reading, "Fight On"
WHAT is more pathetic than to see the
simple faith with which bald-headed
man will buy an infallible hair restora-
tive from a bald-headed barber9
''Do YOU think leave you alone too
much p said Romeo. NO." sadly re-
Piled Juliet, ''you never leave me alone
you always go off in a crowd"
A SUNDAY school teacher in Litchfeld
told his Infants to ask any question:
they had in their minds, and little one
asked, "When is the circus coming ?''
LADY Ito servant whom she is abou
to engage) "These are my conditions
90 they suit you ?' Servant-''H'm
I'll see. l always take ladies on trial.
ONE way to make picnic sandwiche:
is to put slice of raspberry pie between
a PROSTATE log and pair of lemon-col
ored trousers. 1t is not good way,
however.
AS SOME one remarked about the sit
uation, there's too much ram, but wha
about it If the Almighty should giv'
us the rope to the flood gates OF HEAVIER
we could never agree among ourselves
when to pull it.
'Is HE man of much calibre 2'' sait
a Connecticut avenue girl to a Dupon
Circle belle about a certain gay anC
giddy Congressman. "Oh, yes" wa
the confident reply, ''he is the creates
bore ever saw"
THE jury brought in a verdict of ''no
guilty." His Honor said admonishing
ly to the prisoner: 'After this yol
ought to keep away from bad company.
~ es, your Homer, you will not see m'
here again in hurry"
Tommy (who has just received a Sc
we're scolding)-Am | really so bad
mamma Mamma-Yes, Tommy, yol
are very bad boy. Tommy reflective
ly-Well, anyway, mamma, l thinl
you ought to be real darn glad | ain
twins!
THE true journalistic instinct to ge
there, if born in a man, never will sub
side. There is nothing surprising in al
exchanges report that Portland news
paper man who went to Bar Harbor will
the Maine Press excursionists twas il
the dining room before the gong struck.
Mrs. A went INTO the kitchen on,
morning and informed Ellen that Mr.
/ Thompson, neighbor and prominen
resident, had committed suicide. ElleI
looked at her with an expression o.
mingled astonishment and disgust anC
said: "Oh-h-h, mum, has he' Vic
who 2''
SHE used to meet him at the gate will
q kiss and smile, like morning light
but now she comes to the door in {
dingy old calico wrapper and shoes
down at the heel, shades her eyes with
her hand, and, with voice that seem!
to need oiling, inquiries: ''Did yor
bring that butter p
JOhnny's Timely Suggestion.