The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-07-22
aUMOR.

cit stands without arrival"
WHEN does man impose upon him
self? When he taxes his memory.
A MAN may be ashamed of the fash
ion of his nose, although he follows it,
THERE is time for all things. The
time to leave is when young lady asks
you how the walking is.
KISSES are the right kind of smacks
10 sail down the stream of life with, al.
though taking q buss is not bad.
IT is a bad idea to make one enemy
in order to secure two friends. for, long
after the friends have forgotten you,
the enemy holds you in active recollec-
tion.-ArkGnsdt Traveller.
A CORRESPONDENT who signs herself
@Nervous Girl" writes to ask us if We
can tell her of any remedy to cure
tickling sensation about the face. Ger
tainlv; ask him to cut his mustache off.
Lynn Union.
THEY were parting at the door; the
rain was falling, and she was afraid
that he would get wet and take cold.
81 think you should ride home" she
said stake a car or bus" I'm just
going to take a bus" he said. and he
did, as bold as brass. Boston COltr-
Ter.
THE most industrious letters are the
Bees. The most extensive letters
the Seas. The most fond of comfort
the Ease. The most egotistcal letters
the rs. The noisiest letters-the
Us. The poorest letters-the O's. The
greatest bores-the Teas. The sensi-
Bile letters-the Wise.
A MONTANA paper speaks of the
lightning striking prominent citizen
just as he was coming out OF saloon.
That thunderbolt may have been wait
ing for years to get at him; the only
way the electric fluid will ever get
smite at many Montana men will be to
90 right in and NOW them down in
front of the bar. -Estelli1ae Bell.
WARNING.
That Boston Bluebeard pinched his wife,
And in u room did jam her,
Because-O, what an awful crime =
She sometimes used bad grammar.
Now. maidens dear, before you wed
4 man who might begin whacks,
Be sure that you are posted well
On prosody and syntax.
-NelO Ysri; Morning Journal.
THREE-YEAR-oLD MAGGIE had never
seen anyone who was quite bald ex-
cept her grandfather, whom she had
once or twice visited A gentleman
called one day to see her father, and,
taking off his hat, showed very bald
head. Maggie regarded him wonder
ingly for while, and, finally, ventur-
ing nearer, asked curiously: us that
yoat1' head ?"-Hdrpe,'s Bazar.
"LoTTA money" remarked Schoep-
penstedt, sententiously, when Mrs.
Schoeppenstedt informed him that Miss
Crabtree is worth million. But he
was sorry afterward that he said it, for
Mrs. Schoeppenstedt went into hys-
terics and did not recover until after
he had repentantly hung out the wash
ing and cleaned out all the ashes in the
kitchen stove.-SomerUille Journal.
DID you say your husband was
poet, Mrs. Dolt?' "Yes'm, and a very
eccentric one indeed" How so, Mrs.
Dolt?" "Why, he had passion for
posthumous poetry, and he wouldn't
write anything else" Indeed! Then
his works have not been published
yet" BLESS you, yes He was very
prompt about such things, and always
attended to them himself. - TonkerS
Gazette.
SHE DIDN'T FEEL LIKE TALKING.
He stood beneath her window there,
While gazed upon him from above
The eyes OF her he deemed most fair
In the bright brlliancy of love.
-Ch speak to me :" the young man cried,
oh speak TO me! Why art thou still ~
She only answered with a sigh,
And leaned upon the window-siIl.
"By all the of fondest love,
BY all our plghted hopes and fears,
Oh. speak 10 me, my dear My dove!
She only answered with her tears
nv gfO g11a sill nf hiatt he
To leave her lover in his doubt?
She did not dare to move her jaws
Her new false teeth had fallen outl
Lynn Union
A FABLE: An estimable old ground
hog, wishing to ascertain the opinions
of the neighbors about himself, had
bogus congestive chill, and falling on
the ground, pretended to be dead. He
was buried on the following day, but
scratched his way out of the grave and
went in disguise 20 hear his own funer-
al sermon preached. The discourse
was so complimentary that the ground
hog was pulled up with vanity, and
having bought cane and an eye-glass,
he became dude. Moral-This fable
teaches the dangers of fattery. Life.