The Portland daily press., 1886-11-16
WIT AND WISDOM.

"The car is full of alumni" whispered Miss
Beekonstreet TO her friend from the West as they
both iourneyed Cambridgeward in the horse
YES" said the Chicago girl ''and how it ehokes
one up, don't ito wonder they do not open the
ventllat0rS."
See that happy boy dance and "jump and joy"
The happy child's mother uses Salvation Oil.
bite from rattlesnake Is often not more dan
gerous than severe cough or cold. Dr. Bulls
Cough Syrup wen deserves its reputation.
The following is copy of a London Times add
where his son may receive an education TO fit him
for manly and useful life. without any humbug
as TO nations dead and buried thousands OF years
ago.
scrofulous humors are easily driven from the
system by the faithful use of yegetne.
PA, does the sausage come out of his hole on
dOes.n
''What are you talking about?r saws papa TO
his little boy 1T is the ground hog that comes
ont of its hole, not the sausage"
"Well, amt sausage ground hog?"
The ladies all say nothing is perfect but the
first baby and Lydia E. Pinkhams Vegetable
Compound. The latter has no equal as female
remedy.
When Chicago man was abroad not long ago
his daughter got very tired of table dhote din
ners. They were too long and tedious to suit her,
but of course she had to endure them everywhere.
One day in going through one of the large art gal
leres they came upon painting OF "Ine Last
SHpPer dne lazy Lacked a. II 0r bsp %
ther, she said:
Another table dhote Oh, Pm tired of EN-
Take Inc home"
Every girl who expects to keep up with the
times wears clocks ON her stockings and uses
Lydia L. Pnkham's Vegetable Compound.
One colored preacher in the South prayed with
great earnestness upon the revival OF well
known brother in the field:
40 Lord 'noint dis yer dear brudder wild de
kerosene lie OBJ salbashun and set him on fire.
Perhaps no local disease has puzzled and
baffied the medical profession more than nasal
catarrh While not Immediately fatal 1t is among
the most distressing, nauseous and disgusting JUS
the flesh is heir to and the records show very few
or no cases Of radical cures of chronic catarrh by
any of the multitude of modes of treatment until
the introduction of Ely's Cream Balm few years
ago. The success of this preparation has been
most gratifying and surprising.
Mistress-Where have you been, Jane?
Maid-Iye been to meeting OF the Girls
Friendly Society, ma'am.
well what did the lady say to you?"
"Please ma am, she said wasn't TO give you
warning, as meant to. She said was TO look
upon you us my thorn-and bear it,
Prompt relief In sickheadache, dizziness, maui
sea, constipation pain in the side, etc., guaran-
teed to those using CATERS Little Liver Pills. One
pill dose. % cts.
Minister-You ought TO come TO our church,
John, and to our Sunday school.
Chinaman-What for?
M.-We want TO try and do you good, to save
your soul; in short TO make you a Christian.
C.-ChrStiani No, no. Me lather be heather
Chinese Heather hut nobody Christian come
and bleakee my window.
The well known strengthening properties of
IRON, combined with other toncs and a most
perfect nervine, are found in Carters Iron Pills,
which strengthen the nerves and body, and i'm
prove the blood and complexion.
A few days ago, an ugly looking and poorly
dressed tramp called at house and inquired for
ahat; one was brought out which had done good
and recent seryice the ilnerating philosopher
looked it over a moment and then remarking that
IL was 'tO0 low in the crown to be In STYLE" de-
clned to accept the gift and departed leaving
the owner to complete the wearing of an article
which was too far behind the times for tramp.