The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-09-08
THE PRooeGIR5E Esss51rv1 FlA1R1MnEnR . sEaPtTrEMIBEERR 5, 1886.
flashes Of fun.

The bee a draw twenty times
the weight of its own body. He can
also lift a million times his own
weight. If you doubt this, sit down
on one.
-"Can you tell me what is the
olfactory organ?" asked a Boston
teacher of a pupil. "No, SIR" was
the prompt reply. Correct" The
pupil seemed surprised, but held his
peace.
"A minister not long ago preach
ed from the text: "Be we, therefore,
steadfast." But the printer made
him expound from "Be We there for
breakfast"
"A pious old lady recently sent
as wedding presents a pair of fiat
irons, a rolling pin, and a motto
worked on cardboard, reading,
Eight on"
"A dealer advertises "Lightning
Fruit Jars" They may be a new
brand, but for lightning fruit jars
there is nothing more successful than
a small boy and solitude.
-"Oh, mamma, mammal! said a
little girl, the other day, as she saw
a chicken without any feathers on
it's tail, "dat old hen has lost the rib
bons out of her polonaise."
A little girl lately wrote to her
friend: yesterday a little baby Sis
ter arrived, and papa is on his Jour
ney. 1t was but a piece of luck that
mamma was at home to take care
of it.
allow is your son getting along,
Charley" "Oh, pretty we'll, only
that he is a little pulled up with his
own importance-knows more than
his father, you know" "Ah! then
the boy is not quite an idiOt!'
A Sunday school teacher asked
a little girl Of her class if she had
been baptized. YES" said the lit
tie girl, "two times" 1.-TWO times?
Why how could that be?' at didn't
take the first time" said the little
girl.
In the published report of be-
nevolent society occurs this: "Not-
withstanding the large amount paid
for medicine and medical attendance:
very few deaths occurred during the
year"
-"Now, Johnny, you 60 to bed
early, and always do so, and you'll
be rosy-cheeked and handsome when
you grow up" Johnny thought a
few minutes and said: "Well, aunty.
you must have sat up a good deal
when you were young
d would like you to help me a
little" said a vagrant, poking his
head into a country shop. why
don't you help yourself?' asked the
proprietor. aThank you; l WILL"
said the tramp, picking up a bottle
of pickles and two lOaves Of bread
and then vanishing.
An Illinois young farmer is ac-
cused of using this tropical language
as conclusive proof of his ardor and
fidelity: "My best loved one, |
chawed the postage stamp on your
last letter all to thunder, because |
knowed you licked it on"
Tommy (who has just received
a severe scolding)-Am | really so
bad, mammal. Mamma-Yes, Tom
my, you are a very bad boy. Tommy
(ref1ecting)-Well, anyway, mamma
/ think you ought to be real darn
glad 1 amt twins? 5EJ .-.. 1.
d hear your husband has failed,
Mrs. Jones" EYES," she replied, she
is the most unfortunate man | ever
knew; he fails in everything he un-
dertakes. He tried to hang himself
after his failure" "PoOr man! Did
he succeed" "No," she answered,
che failed in that. The rope broke
"A youngster in Brooklyn was
discovered standing with his eyes
full of wonder before a h~alf-length
picture of his grandfather (deceased)
that had just been hung. After look
ing his fill he remarked: "He amt
got no legs" Ca pause,) '.but then
grandpa'si in heaven, and Is'pose peo-
pie in heaven don't need legs, cause