Smyrna times., 1886-11-17
WHOLE NO. 1854.
Pebbles.

When a man buys porous plaster
whether he likes it or not, he generally
sticks to his bargain.
Marketman: Why, did YOU return
that pair of fowls yesterday ?" Custom.
er: Because l thought YOU had bet.
Ter send them to a home for aged cou-
pies" '0U
A New York paper in discussing the
4uGsUt0h Who invented the word
Iuue Z What we want to know.
onis Sni1ugn, m, Is who invented the dude him
Seii' mat Is the man to be killed.
Here is the largest hotel paradox.
III looking for your apartment in a
notel' the only thing you can 90 nv ia
Ine number OF your room; and vet. if
you go by the number of vour room
you will get into the wrong room.
Have you,license in Pennsylvania pp
asked asked a Buffalo young lady, deeply in
crested IN temperance work, of a Pitts
9urg visitor. License ~ replied the
latter. 1 should just think we had
why you can't even get married with
out one"
ChronOlOgy.-Old Gentleman INIT
tirg few questions): "Now. bovs-
ah-can any of you tell me what com
mandment Adam broke when he tool
the forbidden fruit ?" Small ,Cc6oIo,
(hke shot: PLEASE, sir. tn, wornit
no commandments then, sir p
Papa: mo, my dear, 1 would not
wear tan-colOred gloves: thev do not
match your dress" His Heireoe
Dear me Neither they do brighten
lng) but then, you know, Papa. I can
get a dress and wrap and a bonnet
ana parsol to match my gloves"
Who is your favorite autbor D, osl,
e.Ii5 eu Ine literary writer. Maggie quickly
IePlleu: The author of my being. of
course, dear papa" 1t is unnecessary
70 say that papa Immediately came
down with the cash for the new dress
which Maggie had set her heart on.
Burdette's way with tramps who re-
iuse to work for their victuals-Wben
they ask for something to eat " for moor
laooring man." l give them some bis
cunt my cousin Edith baked. and some
trlpe that | cut off the kitchen door
mat. If they eat it, labor will be
scarcer than ever in this land.
Bailiff," said an Arkansas iudpe
one day last week. to the officer in
charge of the jury, "will you please in
iorm the jury that there will be a
horse-race in Merrick's pasture at three
O'Clock ?" The jury had been ont for
iorty-eight hours, but in less than tbir-
ty minutes they came into court with
a verdict. WV"
A man entered Little Rock bank
ana presented a check which read :
ray to bearer the sum of ten dollars"
The cashier took the check, looked at
1t and said: THE check is perfectly
good, but you'll have to get some one
TO identify you" What is the use P~
the man replied "don't you see that
1t says Pay to bearerP'" "Yes. but
you must prove that you are the bear
Mr.. Isaacs had enticed Mr.. Treustein
into his Chatham Street store and was
trying to sell him a pair of trousers
when there was great shaking of the
building, and Mr.. Treustein fled shout-
ing: Earthquake! Eartb0uake y,
'Kom back ~ called out Isaacs. Kom
OacK Dot wash no earthvake. Dot
wash nothing but ShakObs ub stairs.
lettln' down de prices on de summer
gOOts."
When the Tenth Regiment, United
States Infantry, was ordered to New
Mexico from the Lake Region" the
little son of captain did not approve
OF the orders of the general of the army
ana, indeed, seriously objected to the
change. He had heard much of the
wild West, and the Sunday morning
morning before the departure of his
fathers company said to his parents
Come, now, let US go to church and
say goOd-by to God"
Tourist "An' now me letter of cred
it is cawshed, can you direct me to
some spot in this blawsted country
that will equal Pipe-weed- d-under-Tay-
cOpse- e-HerefOrdshire-h heath, North Stat
tordshire, England, for a flip at a sal
mon?" Banker II seldom fish myself:
but understand that Mud-creek oven
agalnst--Bill--SimmOnse's--Mill--pond.
Anox-County, Over-the-left-and-und
suspicion Maine, United States of
Observation-Disclosures is a fair
sporting ground"
Most everybody has his pet phrase
which he is apt to use upon all occca-
sions. Mr.. Hayseed's is "met with
some success" How are you getting
on with your stOck-raising, Mr.. Hay
sseed?' he was asked recently. well"
he replied i've met with some success
in raisin' calves" "HOw is your oldest
boy doing at school ?" "Well, he's
meetin' with some success as a scholar"
" He ought to, for he has been well
brought up. Your wife is splendid
woman, Mr.. Hayseed." "Well, yes,
the old lady has-er-met with some
success rs IA female"