St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-02-14
THE TRIALS OF A BACHELOR.

of those young men who rather pride them
selves on being unmarried, because they
know that they will be married just as soon
as they really want to. Unfortunately for
me, that is not my fix. / have overStepped
the limit, and my chances of matrimonial
alliance are now very slim ones.
l may get married. 1 may also pick the
single black bean out of a bushel sack of
white ones with my eyes closed. One as
likely as the other.
Am l complaining? No, it doesn't do any
good TO complain; but want to let some of
the troubles of bachelor be known, that
charitably inclined people all over the face
of the earth will try 10 make the lot of some
poor, miserable cuss of a bachelor a little
easier. If do this shall have done some
good.
The life of bachelor is a nice, quiet
life-undisturbed by family ties, children,
and other cares that worry his married
brother; but almost every bachelor on this
earth would accept the cares and call them
blessings.
a bachelors room is very often coy and
comfortable, oftener otherwise. 1t will
often be found furnished luXuriously and
arranged observation-disclosures il will be found
furnished niggardly and as completely dis
arranged as If full-hedged cyclone had
superintendent is arrangements.
The contents of a bachelors apartment
are only equaled by the exhibition in a
museum. You will find almost anything
you call for; but if you want to sew but
ton on shirt bosom, the button that will
be seen, you can find only the black thread;
while if the button is needed on a black
vest the only thread that will unearth itself
i- 10 Sl,o.l rfr~a hi.
used 10 such little annOyances as this pay
no attention to such accidental perversity
on the part of the thread, they only
wonder, then, what on earth has become of
the needles? Say it is white shirt need
ing the button. / have the thread, but it's
black; well. I'm in hurry, so if only had
the needle little white chalk would hide
the blackness of the thread for tonight.
Say it's the black vest that is buttonieSS,
and the thread happens to be white; well,
thank goodness. my ink-bottle will so dis
color the whiteness of the thread that the
man who made it would think he turned it
out black. Bat all this don't bring up that
needle; yesterday, while hunting up my ex-
ira collar-button, saw needles enough to
run family for year. Well, I'm In a
hurry, guess Pll have to pin it again.
Thus muses. the poor bachelor, and
cursing his fate, he finds pin and is gone
How happy he would be if some woman
would take him in charge; but no, he has
put it off too long, and now he is too,settled
i'll his habits to even think of a change in
his life except to occasionally brood over it as
one of the impossibilities.
A bachelor has sometimes happy beam
falling across his path when he visits some
lady friends and after leaving he feels a
slight hope Juggling at his heart-strings that
all chances are not yet gone; but he goes on
with his life and way of living. and the sun
shine gradually shuts itself from out of his
heart.
Once in while some old-time chum. now
married and happy husband and father,
insists on his leaving his restaurant dinner
for one day and dining with him in his
family circle. The bachelor enjoys this.
He hangs out against going at first; but
when he sees the chaps Chamber to the
fathers knee, and watches the beam of
pride in the fathers eyes as he kisses each
chubby cheek, he is real glad that Bob was
kind enough to ask him, and hopes to have
many dinners with Bob-determines when
the little ones become familiar enough to
approach and kiss him, that he will Guilt
vate Bob more than he has done. He is
tickled at the childish wonder with which
the little rosy-faced ones gaze at him, and
he is tempted to tell them that he is their
uncle, that he may worm himself into their
good graces the easier. He remembers a
lot OF advertising pictures he stuffed into
his pocket day or two since; they are
brought out and one by one the children are
bribed to his knee.
Bobs wife is nice, gentle body, very
domestic, and model wife, whom Bob
loves devotedly, and who loves Bob to dis
traction. Bob don't say so, but you can see
it. He has pleasant time and real nice
dinner. Not so varied, possibly, as the one
he left untasted at the restaurant, but so
much more palatable.
He thinks that he hasn't enjoyed a dinner
before in ever so long, and is really sorry
that he must 20, but he must. He has
chatted with Bob and his wife and babies,
through two of Bob's cigars, and now he
must turn his back on this cheerful family
circle and get back TO his bachelor den.
Truly, tonight it is more of a den than
ever bef0re-cOld, bleak, and so cherries.
Mr.. Bachelor thinks for awhile, then goes
to bed, lies awake for an hour thinking of
Bob's happiness and of his own unhappi-
ness, and wonders if he should marry.
Would his home be equally as happy, would
it? There's the doubt, the uncertainty
he's free now, why not remain so?
Then, disguised and disgruntled. he de-
termines that he will never again go TO
Bob's, for this visit has almost unsettled him
and surely made him envious. No he'll
endure his lot. Then, in his sleep, Bob
and Bob's happiness, as well as his own
misery. are forgotten.
Look out, boys, and don't put it off too
long. Ny bachelor experience are about
the average"
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