The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-09-22
NOSES REMODELED.
A Berlin s,roeor WIZ p.,.;,s , ;,

Berlin Surgeon Who Repairs and Re-
makes Noses of Every Description.
There are some people in this world
who should carry their noses in scab-
bard, if for no other reason than to hide
them from the public gaze. New
Orleans is full of such people. Many
OF them have knotty, lumpy, flat,
twisted and curly noses, which are a
positive humiliation to the owners and
a source of much modification to the
rest Of mankind. But the ugly nosed
men and women need no longer suffer.
The hour of their deliverance from I'M
calmly beaks has come, and if they do
not haul out the artillery and fire a
salute it is their own fault.
A Berlin surgeon has discovered the
art of repairing and remodcling noses
of all sizes and ages. He can take a
nose shaped like an artichokc and by
his peculiar method turn it into beauti-
full and really classic snout. He bars
nothing. The fact of the matter is he
invites the hideous and pays premium
for it. The man with a nose twisted
ike gourl handle or rams horn is
his pleasure. The man with no nose at
all is his delight and joy.
This Berlin surgeon, when he gets
hold of a bad nose, puts chloroform I'M
der it and then grasps it with pair of
bone forceps and smashes, cuts and
knocks it into pulp, and then he goes
quietly to work, and, with the nasal
bone for q foundation, builds nose
that makes the gods weep with envy,
and which is real luxury to wipe and
to blow.
This discovery is going to be bless
ing to the human race, for the reason
that he is willing to impart to his broth
er professionals the knowledge he has
gained concerning noses, and to make
them the beneiiciaries of his art. This
generosity on his part leads us to be-
lieye that q good deal of ,ugliness now
existing in the human family will be de-
stroyed. For instance, the society girl
with pug nose tilted up at the end,
and which causes her to look as if she
We're constantly smelling boneyard or
a garbage barrel, can have it trans
formed into proboscis as delicate and
as captivating as that worn by the hand
some girl whose likeness is imprinted
on our silver dollar. The person with
a short. nose can have it properly and
artistieally elongated; the long nose can
be judiciously curtailed, and the fat, and
warty nose treated in such manner as
to make it appear thin and muscular.
The greatest benefit to be derived from
the discovery, however, is the fact that
it will make the men Of to-day brayer
and reader than they are to battle for
their personal rights, for the reason that
if they get into fight and their noses
are mashed, they can 90 Off and put
them in dock and have them repaired at
small cost. A broken nose will not
amount to much more than a broken
walking stick, and the dudes careful of
their good looks will be happy.
! 1t is the one ambition of the Berlin
surgeons life to secure the job of put
ting decent nose on the Duke of Cum
berland. The Duke was born without
a nose., and a scrub doctor, who pre-.
tended to know all about such things,
made him nasal organ out of flesh cut
from his aristocratic arm. Unfor-
tunately, however, for the Duke, his
nose looks like q huge red tumor,
which wabbles from one side to the 9th
Ell when he walks. and trembles and
oseillates in the wind as if it were a
clump of Jelly. The Berlin nose maker:
says that he can remove the .one-horse
affair from the face of the Duke and
build him royal smeller that will
stand up against a forty-mile gale as
stiff as the bowsprit of Dutch iron
clad. He will guarantee it not to flop,
shake OF to become loose in its fasten-
ings, and, therefore, we advise the
Duke to take advantage of the oppor-
tunity and get a beak with some back.
bone to it.-M. o. States.