News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-06-17

Prisoner-I plead guilty, your Honor,
in the first degree.

pelleu 10 DeG money on the new 1OrK
Giants, and may heaven have mercy
upon your pocketbook.-N y Sun.
EASILY DISPOSED OF.
"John," inquired the counsel of the
witness, at the same time casting a
facetious glance at the jury, "when you
Cinnamon take your celestial oath in
court, what is done with the chicken
after its head is cut off,"
"Some lawyee glet him." replied the
witness.
- IT HAS THAT EFFECT.
Three weeks ago an Indiana man
taught his dog, very finely bred, we'll
behaved setter, to chew tobacco. Now
the dog comes into the house by tho
back door, never scrapes his feet on the
mat, never goes to church. is careless at
his meals, gets burrs in his tail, goes
with lower grade of dogs, and it is
feared that he is beginning to take an
interest in politics. cs.-BURDETTE.
THE GREAT STRIKE.
SCENE, NIGHT.-Mrs. jenkins: tDo
get up, Henry, and hold this child a
while"
Jenkins: ''Not much; we have Just
decided that eight hours per night
should constitute a nights work-that's
the kind of union man am. - Chicago
Rambler.
EXCEEDING THE LIMIT.
Prisoner-He said he didn't believe
in the eight-hour system, your Honor,
and so struck him.
Magistrate-Yo want eight hours,
do you7
Prisoner Yes, your Honor.
Magistrate-I can do better than that
for you. I'll give you ninety days.
PLEASANT RECEPTION.
Employer Ito collectOD-see Mr..
Smith?
Collector-Oh, yes.
Employer he annoyed at your
calling on him9
Collector Not bit. He asked me
to call again.
EASILY ANSWERED.
Teacher Ito small pupils)-Can you
tell me Why tomorrow is called Good
Fr1day2
Pupils lin chorus)-Cause there won't
be any school.
HE AND SHE.
They fshed together, he and she,
Beside shady mountain brook;
How full it filed his heart with glee-
single look
They left the noisy little spring
At evening, in it's hazy glow;
He had not caught single thing,
But she had, though! -Tid-Bit
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
THE way of the transgresSor-Broad-
way.
An intelligent bull always charges at
a red flag. There are some really good
points in bull.
THOSE who manufacture dynamite
bombs should be made to swallow
them-and then kicked.
No MAN can know what a fifteen-dol
lar speaking trumpet costs until he be-
comes fire company and has one given
to him.
'T HEAR that Filkins is sinking
slowly" Well, you couldn't expect
him to sink rap dly. He's had no
doctor, so far"
A New YORK religious paper is dis
cussing the question: ''What shall
clera ymen eat on Sunday morning?"
Permit layman to suggest 'breakfast"
as an answer.
THE movement for an addition to the
White House is probably due to the
Presidents intention to take a certain
young lady under his wing and the old
wing won't answer.
"WHERE can I obtain some cattails~
asks local correspo dent. If you will
call around in the rear of any building
any night at about II :35 p. m, with a
shotgun and dark la1ter', we can put
you on the trail of several
He was looking for rich wife and
thought he was on the trail. 81 love
you," he said in rich, warm tones,
''more than l can tell you in words"
"You'd better try figures" she replied
coldly, for she was not so green as she
looked.
FIRST Friend: "Jake, vat you going
to gif your son for birthday bresent9"
Second Do. II don'd know; it's putty
hard times. guess haf some buddons
sewed on his clothes" First Do:
eyes, dat's SO. guess haf my boys
hair cut"
SOME genius inspired by the loss of
the Oregon suggests that mail bags for
ocean service be made buOyant and
water-tight Ha! yes; great scheme.
But why wouldn't it answer the purpose
quite as we'll to have some ships built
that way, too2
A COUPLE of visitors from a rural dis
trict in the House gallery were trying
to pick out their Congressman on the
floor. 'T can't distinguish him., said
one after a hopeless visual observation.
"Of course not, " was the honest reply;
{ he can't even distinguish himself"
A LAD recently announced to his
parents his ornament retirement from
the Sunday school. 81 tell you," said
he, "it's no sort of use for me to go any
more. I don't take any interest in the
subject. l don't want to be a minister
or a superintendent or even a teacher.
All I'm going to be is just a common
kind of a man like father"