Morning journal and courier., 1886-12-18
FORGETFUL.

| LOGS GQaI man k1oW you W0us.. 1udoeC he does, but he forgets all about me when l am sick. ."-Carl Pretzel's Weekly. ! It is said that during the American Opera season in St. Louis the consumption of pea nuts was something enormous.-Puck. l Mgr. Capel telegraphs East that the stories I attributing bad conduct to him in Califor- mia are ''scandalous." So they are, so they ! are.-Puck.
 We are sorry to say there is some tound- ! ation for the rumor that good many Bur lington people are going down hill as fast as they can.-St. Albans Messenger. A Pennsylyania man has been granted a chestnut bell when anybody attempts to take it by mistake. Burlington Free Press. Barber-Pretty short, sir! Customer-Well, yes, am. Just put it down on the slate, will youi Much obliged to you for speaking of it.-Lowell Citizen.
 "Now, Jamie, you mustn't stay at the Jewetts' until you wear your welcome out, :" said fond mother. 1T know when to come home, replied the youth; "yeu don't catch me staying after they begin to talk slow" ."- rid Bits.
 It took four policemen last night to take legless man from Smith6eld street saloon to the station house. The imagination shudders at the thought of what might have happened had he had his legs.-Pittsburg Commercial.
 A female contributor this morning brought in communication written on both sides of the paper. The editor scowled and refused it. s'Well, :" she retorted, t'I'd like to know if you don't print on both sidess" There's no such thing as arguing with woman.- Providence Telegram.
 Mrs. Greene Timothy, what have you done with the letter that was lying on the bureau?' Timothy-"I put it into the let ter box, ma'am." Mrs. G.-''Ohl provoking! Didn't you see there was no address on the envelopea" Timothy-"Yes, maam; but thought you didn't know who you was writ ing to."-Life. "Who was the wisest man in the worldF, asked the teacher. Solomon" 1" replied aalit- tic girl. ssYes, Solomon was the wisest man. But there is one wiser than Solomon; there is one who knows everything that has ever been, or Is, or ever will be, who knows everything. Who is that7" And the tall, good boy at the head of the class thought moment and said, s'The London correspon- dent of New York paper" He got three blue tickets.-Brooklyn Eagle.
 They had come over from New York to Philadelphia on 8 short trip, and had ar rived at the hotel in the night. The next morning she was sitting by the window looking ont.
 tsWhat's going ona" asked her husband.
 
 fit's ths funniest funeral procession I ever saw. Everybody walking along so slow, and not 8 carriage or hearse in sight any where Just look p
 He stepped to the window.
 sPshawe. he said; sthat,s no funeral pro cession. It's Philadelphia business men go- ing to work. Washington Critic.
 SHOPPING.
 She was shopping, so they say,
 So they say, so they say. While her husband toiled within his office dim,
 And she kept it up all day,
 Up all day, up all day, For of course she had the thing all charged to him.
 She bought rouge and bandoline,
 Bandoline. bandOline, Bonbons, fchus kerchiefs, colarettes as well, 5s 4 silver soup tureen,
 Soup tureen. soup tureen, And bonnet that she thought was just too swell"
 A dress of old gold plush,
 Old gold plush old gold plush, The choicest sealskin sacque that she could fnd
 And without single blush,
 Single blush, single blush, She swau1ped her husband: now he's lost his mind
 New Orleans Picayune.