News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-11
HIGH-PRICED LUXURIEs.

| well. She suddenly rallied and tOyed
with the Charlotte Russo, but it was
evident she had lost her grip.
HIGH-PRIcED LUxUR1Es.
A gentleman on his way up town
stepped into a Broadway grocery and
asked the price of box of strawberries
displayed in the window.
''My wife is sick" he explained to a
friend who was with him, "and a few
of those berries would do her good"
Give dollars, was the grocer's die
tum
give dollarsy" he exclaimed, push
ing them away, ''it would be wicked to
pay that much for few strawberries. )"
Sorry, sir" said the grocer, "any-
thing else, sir %
"What are Reina Victorias worth ?n
Seventeen dollars, sir; shall l send
you box 2"
eyes, you may as we'll"
DESERVED TO LOSE.
''Well, there's green one," said
Colonel J. W. Bum, looking up from
his morning paper yesterday.
"Who 2 What p" asked Major G. W.
Day, his room mate
"Why a New York man called
johnny has been betting $50, 900
against hat with some of the alder
men of that city that they would not
dare to vote for the Broadway railway
franchise"
'Did he lose ?" asked the innocent
major.
''Of course he did. He might have
known he would. Serves him right,
too, for giving such odds. - Chicago
Neeos.
PLANTATION PHILOSOPHY.
De hours O. sin is fast; de hours O.
hard wuck is slow. Chillun tells lies
nachully, but yer has to rarn 'em how
ter tell de truf. De hardes' thing fur er
father ter recolleck is dat he wuz once
er chile. Pussons whut forgit slow
ginerally knows mo- den pussons whut
Earns fast. Er man whut likes er song
jes' 'ca'se it is hard ter sing doan know
ez much er bout music ez he do er bout
sci'nce. When er big man gifts er back
set it's wus on him den it wou' be on
fines comb looks do wust when he gifts
frostbit~-1. rhansG'o Zraoel1er;
A SICK STORY.
jumping into his big sisters bed one of
the late cold mornings. ooh, I can't,
Pm SICK" she said. ''Well, I'll tell you
one," he offered, genially. 81 don't
want to hear it," she answered sleepily;
''Tm sick l tell you" A smile of the
most engaging sort broke over the small
boys face. He boIstered his cheek INTO
his hand and his elbow into his sisters
pillow and said: "I'm awful sorry. I'll
tell you sick story. n-B0Ston Record.
CURIOUS PHENOMENON.
Old Mrs. Bennington-The paper says
that two whales, a COW and a calf, was
seen foatin' off Amagansett shores last
week.
Old Mr.. Bennington-Well, that's all
right, amt it 2
Old Mrs. Bennin9ton-1t's all right
about the whales, of course, but l don't
see how the COW and calf got out there.
so LITTLE.
Miss A.-What, Carriel going into
town again
Miss B.-Yes; I bought dress pat
tern last week, and when my dressmaker
came to cut it up, she found had only
enough for the skirt. So l am going to
get an eighth of yard for the waist.
Miss Scissorsnip says it will be moro
than ample, but I'm bound to have
enough. 1 hate to scrimp, you know.
Boston Transcript.
FRIGHTFUL ORDEAL TO PASS.
Charlie (striding up and down-It's
terrible-terrible. l owe money and
can't pay it.
Jack.Why not let the other fellow
walk, Charlie
Charlie-Let the other fellow walk +?
l wish it was some other follow, but it
amt. It's an Irish washerwoman, and
she'll be here in ten minutes. N Y.
Times.
81 wish I were yon STAR" he said,
dreamily.
80 do l." she returned promptly,
heroically swallowing yawn.
"And why, dear one 2" he asked i'm
pulsively, "why do goa wish l were yon
brilliant orb 2''
because" she replied in cold, mat
ter-of-fact Bostonese tones, ''because
your brilliant orb is just II, ,76O, 971
miles away" And he faded silently
out like a mist before a summers sum-
NeaO Ha0en N0ac8.
TOO THANKFUL.
The squire of an English hamlet had
Just bestowed aims upon village men
dicant May the Lord give your soul
a place in heaven!" exclaimed the CRATE
full beggar. "Thank ye, Thomas, thank
ye," said the squire. Encouraged by
this appreciation, the beggar went on
fervently, "May He give it place in
heaven-ay, this very night" Hold!
Thomas" " said the alarmed squire; "you
needn't have been so particular to name
the date. "-Baptist Veehly.
GOOD NEWS FOR BENEDICTs.
81 see Edison, the inventor, is going
to be married" ."
''Is he Good! I'm glad of that" :"
''What interest have you in it 2"
''Well, you see, I've been afraid he
would invent some confounded electric
contrivance by which woman could
tell just how long her husband carried
her letters in his pockets or some foolish
thing of that sort. But, of course, if
he's going to be married -. y Chicago
NelrS.
DISTRESSING INTELLIGENCE.
GCTr lin, R1,llord bopcr;D, ,ro,In1 those