Wichita daily eagle., 1886-06-16
THE RAMBLER.

i
do it now but for the fact that they neet
punishment. So rampant of late have be
come the good people of this town in th'
speculation and addition racket that som,
sore sflliction is necessary to stop their fool
ishness. For that purpose this is written
There is another reason, too, that prompt
me to boost this able article into existence
or into type, viz: News was mighty scare
and the editor dug out for the seaboard
Living in city like this and at time whel
q paper is considered sadly lacking il
news unless it builds col
legc, two new railroads, thre'
Santa Fe depots and an opera hous'
the night before something mus. b
did. If the paper is unlosded of some
thing of that sort the average reader
casts it disdainfully by and says. 'there il
nothing in it." Yesterday was sadly lack
ing in great events and my most vigilan'
attempts failed to catch onto any sufficiently
startling news for half line editorial.
started out directly after breakfast resolved
to cover myself with glory by grabbing
great hunks of news at every corner, but my
life was all rebuffs and disappointments and
| what was worse / was threatened with some.
thing awful by Jacobs, the dog raiser
if did not make public
statement that would exhonorate him
from the charges of monkeying with a little
girl, for which he was arrested and held in
Jail for long time. The authorities decid.
ed not to prosecute him and because pub
lished an account of the charges upon which
he was arrested, he insisted that now mus.
say it was all lie. / refused Of course and
he promises to make me do it. He gave me
until this morning to do it and il still re-
mains undone. That racket may breed an
item yet.
Yesterday was one of the days when no
one had news. Met Comodore Woodman
and the only thing be knew was that the
EAGLE had made an error in re-
cording real estate transfer, and because
the EAGLE is noted for having everything
Just right, the commodore regards this as
an item of news.
Thought over the utterances of dying
poets and thought few of them might be
interesting in lieu Of a college or railroad
scheme, but my left eye caught the follow
ing words of living poet in Virginia pa
per, and / decided TO dose my readers
with il:
When Mr.. Lamont went into the presi-
dents room the other morning he found the
chief executive of the nation in terrible
condition. His head was bent down close
to his desk, his tongue was sticking out al
one side of his mouth and he was black IN
the face. Mr.. Lamont was about to call fol
assistance when the president spoke up:
"See here, Dan, I've been trying TO write
little poetry, and to use slang phrase
I'm stuck Can't you help me ont q
| little?"
"Well, L don't know" said Dan. little
doubtfully, "but cut loose. and III try"
"You see, Dan," said the president, 81 get
| along first rate until | strike the fourth line
in each stanza, and there's the sticking
point. III read you the fragments
"My heart TO you is firmly knit
BY loves electric wire;
No other woman have | found"
snow Dan"
''Since the day shook Marian"
promptly responded Mr.. Lamont.
"Dan, I'm as.onished that you should in
dulge in such levity on SO solemn al occa
sion. Here is the second stanza:
How slowly pass the days away
Till l can call you mine
You, in your beauty's brish heyday-'
"Now, Dan, give me lift"
"While l am forty-nine."
The president slowly walked up TOWARD
Dan, holding out his hands Ms though he de
| sired to shake hands with him, but DaI
knew better and bolted through the door. Il
| is understood that Mr.. Lamont stands nc
show for becoming poet laureate
Regarding the beautiful showers there ex
listed all oyer town surprising knowledge
dropped into the county building, wher'
the board, or plank, of county commission
ers were at work in their shirt sleeves, ant
in answer to the question, "Haye you any
news?" they answered with one accord
"That is beautiful shower, but we ough
to have twenty-four hours of it." l agreed
| that we ought, but we hadn't. Even Hanl
| Heiserman knew that il was beautiful
shower and that VIC ought to have more O
| it. In short, there was a frightful unanim
ity on these two propositions.
"rll tell you big Fourth of July
! scheme" said Capt. w. A. Rickey. "Le
us have big demonstration breaking ground
for the federal building and invite Governor
Martin, Judge Peters and Senator Ingalls,
l will turn out my company and We can
have Abe Smiths drum corps and the X. p,
band ard have big time"
saw two car loads of goods for the new
wholesale grocery house of Steele & Walker
| who are located in the Exton building, snt
| dropped in to see their store. They have
already a very fine stock and realize the lacl
of sufficient store room. They informed
me that they had three more cars of sugar
on the WAY and that half of their stocl
WAS no: here yet. They have al
ready two floors of the building
well filled with goods. They propose
TO establish very large house here, and j,
is pity Mr.. Exton did not build larger
building.
The boys at the Santa Fc Office had pic
mic yesterday afternoon. A pair of mud
turtle doves wandered into the freight de
pot where they stored themselves all the
afternoon, and had lovely time in thc
psroxisms of fresh love on the hslf-shell
He was tall, speckled. and sunburnt ant
wore yard of his pantsloon legs inside o.
his boots; white hat with leather bell
| served as mansard roof for the main struc
turc, and he looked old enough to know
better.
She was sweet sixteen and
looked as fresh aud green as s
Kentucky blue grass pasture They nest
led close together and billed and Good until
the clerks mouths watered. He would In
spect her charms at srm's length, and would
| decide upon some new article of female har-
ness which he thought would add to hel
shspe. then would 60 down into his jeans
and exhume well filed bucSskin purs.
from which be would resurect the needfu
with which she would cmigra,e to neigh
boring store, tog herself on, and return Il
the dove Of the masculine percussion, ther
the cooling process would begin atresh
They KEEP: this important branch Of industr,
up until her sun bonnet, calico dress ant