The Delaware ledger. (Newark, Del.) 1879-19??, 1886-09-18
UMBRELLA FIENDS.
iDloSHNcRAslEs OF WELL KNOWN
NUlsANcES.

A Mans Character Shown by the Way
He Carries His UmbreIln-The Obnox-
ious and Dangerous 'Jabber''--sweII,
Granger and Fat Man.
man often shows his character by the
way he carries his umbrella. II he Is absent
minded he will lug il by the top of the handle,
careless OF whether it is folded or Tapping,
and indifferent If II trails behind him upon
the pavement He may be bustling, hurry
ing, in high spirits, and if so he frequently
twirls his umbrella In circles from the wrist
~ he spins down the street. II he Is fat he
uses his umbrella as q cane or parnsol; If he
Is clergyman he carries it Imply before
him; if he is angry he grabs it by the handle
as il 1t were club; and il he is dude he
pokes the ferule in front of him until It
strikes the pavement, and as he passes on
twitches it forward again.
Ono Of the most familiar of the umbrella
carrying species is the "jabberii or "shoyer. -
He Tugs his parachute under his arm, with
the forule straight out behind and the handle
rigid in front He pokes off more hats, in
dents more stomachs, gouges more ribs and
Jabs moro spines as he walks along than one
could shake a stick at in a week. lie never
stops TO see who he has punched Not he.
With his lips compressed as tightly as the lid
OF an iron chest, he goes on, frowning, bump
ing into passers-by, and with an air that
seems to say; "If you don't get out of the
way you'll be hurt Ho is generally old and
thin, but sometimes he has not reached mid
die age. The public abhors him, and he is a
nuisance that Ko-Ko most inexcusably
omitted from his famous list
THE MILITARY SWELL.
The heavy military swell is another inter
esting umbrella carrier. His chest sticks ont
like pouter pigeons, his now plug hat
glistens like Day & Martins backing His
pantaloons are the newest his frock coat the
tightest, his mustache the waxiest and his
glare the most ferooious seen on the prone
made. He carries the umbrella by his side a
good deal as if it were sword, sticking
closely to his portly figure. 1t is u soldierly
act Even his traduceTs couldn't deny TINT.
Behold him, with his dandy parasoi at an
angle Of forty-iive degrees, close TO his ribs,
as he strides along in true military Step, the
admiration and envy OF every helmeted
policeman on the beat and the butt for
vulgar jokes from every barefooted passing
newsboy.
Then there Is the countryman from way
back, who Tugs his venerable rain-distributor
with him when he goes over to Ridgeway
park See him on the boat His back is
toward US, and his ancient, faded, blue para
chute is outlined beside him He carries it
like hoe, and hoe that he doesn't care much
about. Its creases are worn by weather, its
handle was painted, but tho paint has worn
OIL. He is an emblem OF the hayseed re-
gions, and so is his parasol, which he clings Ia
with grip like the grip of destiny. He may
not lug his umbrella with much grace, but
when he gets to Ridgeway park it will be
there with him; and, no matter how many
times he saves his life" with the island beer
he will hang ON to his rain protector, and &c
back with it to his home among the corn
patches and wheat fields
THE VERY FAT MAN.
II is rare thing for the very fat man tc
use his umbrella except as parasol. 1t wards
off the SUMS scorching summer rays from his
round and perspiring countenance With hi.
pudgy hand he grasps the handle and carries
the parachute over his crown, while his sum.
mer vest flaps to and fro, and the entire area
of his person is coursed by little rills that run
into his shoes. He enjoys his umbrella more
than most people As general thing hi.
mouth is open, his brow is moist his feet
come down on the trembling earth like
piledrivers as he moves on with majestic step
and his manner Of breathing resembles that
of the porpoise when that fish comes TO the
top of the briny pillows to blow.
The Norfolx-jacketed young man from thu
cities, who carries his umbrella with him OF
the seashore, is n noticeable specimen of the
genus OF umbrella carriers. The rim of hi.
straw hat is as stiff as the bow of a rich mar
to poor relation, and his attire is faultless
for is he not "gilded" youth His black silk
umbrella is wrapped so small and so tightly
that it looks Ike a Cambridge walking stick
He carries it daintily and negligently In front
of him, as he saunters by the sad sea waves
watching the witching gambols of the maiden!
in the surf. He is harmless; so is his para
chute Neither of them are intended for use
and both make u combination that doesn't
look at all out of place on the golden sands Of
the sounding shore, when Augustus sun soar
ambitiously. philadelphia News