Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1886-07-16
OuRKALEIDosCoPE.

Everybody just now is looking for the
right bower.
The man who runs to extremes il no
worse than the man who is always run
ming to fires.
Eyes" said Popinjay "Blobson is man
Of quiet tastes. lie always drinks on the
sly"
It's curious Germans like to take lit
tie beer with their music, and Americans
like to take little music with their
beer.
An exchange ays,-"Scratch n mug
wump and you will find Democrat"
Thank you we will let the mugwumps
do their own scratching.
"The Late Mrs. Null" is quite char
acter, but she doesn't begin to size up as
prominently as the late Mr.. Null-espe-
cially when the latter has forgotten his
latch key
Lightning recently passed between mule
and a lawyer in Texas and killed the law
YER Discrimination is "A rare virtue, even
in mules heels.
We would respectfully suggest to the
Democrats that while they are passing
around the postoflices they keep off the
grass.
Whenever IA musician gets a bright
thought he makes note of 1T.
A writer says that skepticism is spread
ing. Yes, it is spreading out so thin that
by and by there will be only enough left
for Col Ingersoll and Johann Most.
"Women's work is never done" If this
refers to pies we will endorse the senti-
ment free of charge
Blobson says that he shant purchase a
thermometer until fall. The plaguey
things are too high now.
A Warm Springs (Cal.) medicine man
had his throat cut by members OF his
tribe the other day because he failed to
cure the sick child of a chief. a bogus
medical diploma doesn't cover Il multi
tude of DEFICIENCIES in an Indian doctor,
evidently.
Having n good many strings to the bow,
with girl, is equivalent TO having good
many beauX on the string.
A Roman candle destroyed $40 600 worth
of property in Ohio on the Fourth Of July.
The wonder is how the Romans ever used
to get along with this system of lighting
and such poor fire department as they
had.
A Rare Chance. Cole-"Say, old fellow
what YOU got your winter overcoat on to
day for p Boggs-"Well, I've got the
chills. and my wife Thought it a good time
to shake the moths out. "-Thc JUdgC
sam Jones says there is something
wrong when a preacher gets 800 and a
| pitcher $1,000 But Sam should remember
/ that the $1,000 pitcher has much better
delivery than the 500 preacher Boston
! Transcript.
We very much doubt If so much powder
was burned in the entire war for indie
pendence as Is now exploded on the one
day of the year set apart for the celebra
ton of the achievement of that poltica
freedom. --LOlCCI citizen.
Customer-"I say, Mr.. Barber, dom
hear your scissors at work on my hair
Barber-"There is very little hair on youl
head" Customer-"That makes no differ
ence. pay my money and | want you tC
rattle the scissors on the bald place just
the same as if it had hair on it."-TCrd'
SUtiHgS
A young man advertised for a wife, hi.
sister answered the advertisement, ant
now the young man thinks there is NJ
balm in advertisements while the ole
folks think it's hard to have two fools il
the family.-BufdlO Commercial.
a Connecticut dairyman found thai
warming the water for his COWS to drink
in the winter soon made them drink mucl
more and give an increased quantity o
milk. AS long as the dairyman increase!
the quantity of his milk by pouring waite
into his cows, instead of into his cans, hi
customers will not complain. NOrriStO,CI
| HCruld.