The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-08-06
EDITORIAL NOTICES.
4oW a DAKOTA EDITOR AC<NCN'L-
EDGES SMALL FAVORS.

Watermelon and New Potatoes-RoN OF
Cigars-Green Confederation Bouquet
Spare BIB from the Major-Turkey
from the Colonel.
As some little misunderstanding seems
TO exist concerning the size OF puffs this
paper will give IN return fOr favors real or
supposed, we take this opportunity to pub
Hsh the following rates, which take effect
from this date.
For one watermelon handed in at the
office we will say: "AIr. Gardentruck, our
esteemed feIlow-townsman, presented US
last Wednesday afternoon with large
luscious watermelon Of the Plymouth
Rock variety on which the printers Toasted
May he live long and prosper" In case
the melon proves to be green this viii be
the form: Farmer Gardentruck laid
good-sized melon on our table one day
this week Thanks"
A small lot of new potatoes will call out
the following: "Uncle Abner Stubbleplow
remembered We editor just as we go TO
press with most misunderstanding mess OF
new potatoes We and our family expect
to reyel in the fruit during the coming
week. He informs us that the bugs are
doing great damage to the vines OF many
of his neighbors. Uncle, you struck the
printers il the right spot; may your
shadow never grow less"
When box of cigars is left, this is the
formula: "The sanctum of The Bell was
invaded last Tuesday by the genial pres
ence of Tom Liverpills, the handsome
young proprietor of the Red Front Pioneer
drug store who placed on tap a full box
Of choice Habanas. Here's to you, Toni
Our many readers will remember that he
has just got in full new line Of paints,
oils, axle grease, condition powders, per-
fumerp, putty, and other drugs and toilet
articles"
Green corn will produce the following
editorial effect: aye scribe's family has
been enjoying another luxury for the last
four days, Mrs. Deacon Churchdebt hay-
ing presented our wife with good dozen
of roasting ears. Such favOrs as this are
fully appreciated by yours truly, as well
as by his wife and family. May Mrs G..
meet her reward is our earnest wish"
WHEN THE EMOTIONS SURGE.
A bouquet will be acknowledged like
this: yesterday afternoon, as ye pencil
pusher was busy with an unexpected rush
of Job work, who should come in but Miss
Birdie Pistolpractice, the charming
daughter of our worthy fellow-citizen,
Col Pistolpractice. She presented us
with beautiful bouquet of wildfiowers
which she had picked with her own fair
hands. Among the varieties we noticed
fireweed, dandelion, buckwheat, redtop,
tansy and sunfowers. 1t shall remain
many days to beautify our sanctum. Our
wife is also pleased with it,"
The giver of a spare rib may expect
this: "Our genial and justly popular
neighbor, Maj. Porcine, having frequently
noticed the hungry look on the printer
face, took occasion early the other morn
ing to leave mammoth spare rib at our
humble abode, taken from one of his ia
nous drove of SOuthdOwn pOrkers. We
and our family have accordingly been
feasting on fresh meat. By the way, we
understand that the major will accept the
nomination for the legislature if it is
rendered him. He is the man for the
place"
A turkey will inspire this: while sit
ting in our sanctum sactorum about /
O'Clock Thursday morning reclining our
head in our hands, we were greatly sur
prised as well as pleased at having Col
MeToughswalk in with mysterious ali
and a bundle under his arm. We had just
finished writing our leader found on the
first page entitled True Tariff Reform as
Compared with Tariff Jugglery,' and felt
considerable fatigue, but it was imme
diateiy dispelled when the handsome colo
mel disclosed large turkey in the bundle
which ne assured US was for our Thanks
giving dinner To say that we were
pleased but family expresses the emotions
which surged through our breast. We
Immediately called our wife, who was
even more pleased than we. 1t is such
things as this that makes life amid the ex
acting cares Of the newspaper office endur
able and causes US to keep on the editorial
harness without repining. Colonel, may
heaven reward you! 1t may not be out o.
place to inform our many readers that the
coioners friends expect the coming legis
lature to elect him TO the United States
senate. He seems to be the unanimous
choice of our people. We predict that he
will get it on the first ballot. "-EstellinC
(Dak.) Bell.