Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-04-25
THE AGE OF SHAM.
PROOF THAT THE WORLD IS
STUFFED WITH SAWOUST.
The Stranger Delivers a BomIly to the
Reporter DeIusIvs NictualS, Vile
Cigars, Initiation Everything
Only One Article Excepted.


In a great big gIIdet eating house in
the business portion Of the city, which is
thronged on week days by myrlads of
nervous men with their mouths iuh Of hot
coffee an / their hes Is full Of the ticker or
the trial list, a reporter sat down TO dmHer
The place was nearly empty. The only pr
son at the ne Nt table wa, man whp, IN
steal of eating dru,nmel IDLY on the table
and every now ami then looked about him
" henever he did lo.k about him he >mileL
The smile was one Of those o>t ,ntatiou.
smiles that invite Your ne yhbor to a k whal
it is you are smiling about
THE TEMPLE OF SHAM.
The reporter Looked inquirLngly at his
neighbor The latter hitched his chair up
t. tue reporter with a nervOu, motion and
broke out: Il come to this place and other
places like it to satiate myself with sham
| have come to admire sham. 1t i the rul
ing spirit Of the age. 1t Is tine outcome Of
the craz' for appearanceS-the desire of
every man to eat, drink AMI be clothed like
his betters. This desire can not be appeased
for the pric, OF the bsst is eterna lily fixed
therefore it is soppsd with i'm imitation of
the best at prIcs it can afford to paw
This place is temple of sham Excuse
this homily. What are you eatingT
The reporter. who had his own doubts on
tbo snbiact r,nIiad coptiorsIv @I,,, sr,,
posed to be turtle soup
The STRANGER sniFsd conts,,D,uousrv az,
,.n,t avan attamrtad 70 coysr ~, tbot shan, -
he said "You notice ON tbe bill Of far, tina
your turtle SCUM i. but 10 cent, mor. nsr
nIsts that mock turtle soun CaIinssb and
caIinaa gr.an fat an historic deIica,v
famsd in the history of the worlds matro-
poli, as the acme Of epicuresn dslipbt for
10 cents mora than a friet msst hail Rut
the age like, to think il is eatin5 turtls
soup. 1t sounds rich-therefore the veally
counterfeit | am going 10 eat Spanish
omelette, continued the stranger, changing
the subject
DOUGH MUSHROOMS.
The stranger gave his order to a colored
waiter, who yawned and twisted his mus
tache against a gilded pillar, end the oma-
letts was brought The stranger investi-
gated the ingredients of the sayory mess
with his fork and on the end Of the utensil
produced q MUSHROOM Look at this he
said. Then he picked at the appetizng vege-
table with his knife scraped off the covering
Of sauce and began parIng the stem Ii
crumbled under the operation in a decidedly
unvegetable way. The reporters ewes
popped out ON his cheek&
what i 1t he asked.
Dough-" replied the stranger at is an
old trick. MusOro lmS are scare and high
Still the patrons like TO have the sensation
Of ordering mu broom, in their compo,Ition
If prices were up to the mushroom market
they would abandon the re laurent So
they eat dough 1t is harmless | would
advise the proprietur> to stick TO dough and
not indulge IN toadstools, which might work
injury.
''rwO-FpR-FTyE'S
The stranyar pu,hsi away ,ba or,ro,+.
which he s,nIsinsi ba had only nr,Iara5 =,
an excuse for remaining in the placs a,,I
Iigbtad . ci,oratta A. bs ant s+ra;,.L.
strong column of smoke out from the bottnm
Of his lungs after deep inhalation, he went
on talk .ng. at i, a que ton he said
whether any man Of the present genarstinn
ave only the negroe, who roll their cigars
out of leaves plucked from bales of raw
tobacco on the wharves Of southern ports
has ever tasted real tobacco. myself have
smoked valerian 80 long that YOU see |
positively enjoy it | confess that do not
know what real tobacco is Idiots who
buy, and liar, who sell various prenara-
tions of vaIerian will tell you that they do"
q The reporters cane, wh ch had been lean
ing against the vain CO: while its owner
gorged himself with sham food, fell to the
door with a rafting noise. The stranger,
eye followed the direction Of the noise.
That stick" said he which is made TO
represent Iri,h blackthorn, and was grown
in Jersey. leaned against panel which is
made 10 represent mahogany, and is really
ash. The imitation black thorn slid along the
thing which is meant to reprssenr a marbIa
1uor II did NOT fall unon a narbIa eo,r