The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-06-24
HUMOR.

A BALLEr-GIRL is something of q
philosopher; she believes in gauze and
effect.
WHEN young girl goes to church to
exhibit her new sealskin she certainly
might be called sack-religious.
MRS. CoYNE has sued a man in
Youngstown, Ohio, for damages for
breach of promise. He don't want
Coyne, but she does.
Two STUPID hunters shot woman,
installing her for a bear. A woman
should never be mistaken for anything
but dear.
PoLICEMAN-"You have been stand
ing here for an hour. Move on" Alb
sent-minded chess-player-"Beg par
don, sir, it's your move. Judge.
THERE is not so much difference be-
tween a restaurant and cattle barn as
one would at first suppose. The former
has many tables, and the latter has its
stables, too Chicago Ne,cs.
APARIs correspondent writes that
he finds great difficulty in gaining adj
mittance into the cemeteries. Let him
try the experiment of dying, and the
gates will be opened to him.
Times.
Mrs. ELBERoN-"It seems to me
Mrs. Exeter wears loud colors." Mr..
Elberon "Be charitable, my dear.
Perhaps you dent know that poor Mrs.
Exeter is almost totally deaf. BOSTON
Beacon.
snow, SIR. you had BETTER" said
Boston faith-doctor to patient he had
| tal1
feel" well, sir" replied the victim,
81 feel like - fool; how much IS
your bill ?"-Nel0 York Sun.
"LooK here" remarked De Wigs to
the corner grocer, "this pavement here
is awfully slippery. Why don't you
throw some sand on it?" "Cau't get
bit, )" replied the grocer. well, throw
some sugar over it; the pavement won't
know the difference" Chestnut"
yelled the grocer. Pittsburgh ChrOn-
icle.
AN exchange, in speaking of GER
tain man, SAYS: "He will spend some
time looking after his business inter-
ests in this vicinity" This comes of
carelessness. He should have kept his
business interests tied up in some safe
place and then he wouldn't have to
spend valuable time hunting after them.
-Estelline Bell.
"YoU can't avoid a stroke of light
ming by lodging" SAYS a newspaper
item. This is very ong-headed state
ment and will probably cause sensa-
ton when it gets out. 1t is equally i'm
possible to avoid stroke of lightning
by going out the back door and telling
the office boy to say you are off on q
|, fishing trip and won't be back for two
Notwithstanding Bell.
A CRITIC visited the studio of a
painter the other day. "Very good,
this CAVALIER" said he, eying new
painting with the air of connoisseur;
but L think his legs are little too
long "Ah!" replied the artist. II
am very well satisfied with what you
say. Mons. A, who was just here,
said they were too short. They must
therefore be about right. French
Paper.
WIFE-"Well, Ned, what do you
think Charlie wants now? He asked
me to-day if 1 wouldn't help him tease
you to buy him bicycle" IndLlgent
Father (who once had ambitions him
selfJ-"Bicycle? Nonsense. The boy
can't have it. Tell him to go up in the
attic, and fall down two flights of
stairs. 1t will be just about the same
thing, and save me 500. "-SomerUiHe
/ Journal.
The following note was found tackled
to pine tree in the Stamp Creek dis
trict of Barlow County: 40 the Over
| scare q rode hans, hante able to work
Il it hante no yuse of Me er come in to
the Rode q wood Be Glad eff you all
Wood lete NEE ofe & eff you wonte
Guste lay oft Me so Mulch on the
! Weste ende a. when get able j will
worke it QUITE eff hit will suite you allie"
Savannah co. Ne,Cs.
THE CULTURED MAID.
She comes from Bosting
And like frosting
Is the polish that she puts on every part;
She's read in CRsah,
] And truly shesa
Cultivated maid in every modern art.
She's up in nowness,
And with howness
Surely wonderful for one that's in her teens
! She's read in Schiller,
And what filler
Is she when she hits plate Of Boston beans
! It'd Bits.
BAD winds blow good well still be stout
And let no i'll our feelings harrow
The freeze that brings the plumber out
Destroys the ugly English sparrow.
! - COuTieT-JOuTndl.
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