Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1886-03-12
xIRrH AND MERRrxRNr.

AA14 IA AN0 ELECTROMAGNETIC
A seasitivs young female len her
hsms in EnRland 70 Join her Lower In
California, bat on the way, got 90
Quaintsd with another fellow and mar
ried him, and she thtnks that her old
lover ought 70 be Ashamed Of himself
for calling her false and fckle, after
she had taken such . long voyage On
his account. When will man learn ia
appreciate the devotion of those lovely
creatures
She wanted 10 break her husband oil
the habit OF drink, and began 70 cook
his food In liquor, having heard that II
would prove effectual. He didn't say
anything the frst day; he showed no
signs Of noticing the change the second
day; bat after supper on the third day
he said TO her: Maria, you don'l
know how you' We improved your cook
ing In the last three days"
First mAsher:-" You think that she
loves you, them" Second masher:-
'I'm-aw-positive OF 1t, my deah
boy" First masher: makes
you positive?" Second masher: -"She
has named her poodle after me, my
deah boy, and II that isn't strong
proof Of . young lady's affections. then
I'm no Judge Of the dear cweachahs,
that's ell"
Mr.. Jenkins playfully remarked u
his wife that In her he possessed fivt
fulls. "Name them, my love" " You
are beautiful, dutiful, youthful
faithful and an armful." "Yor
have the advantage of me. my
| dear" "How 20. my precious ?" 81
have but one fool" Mr.. Jenkins mad,
no further inquiries.
A young i0an sought to secure hi
sweetheart by strategy, 80 he took he
out for boat. ride, and threatened I,
jump overheard into the river IL sh
didn't consent TO marry him. But I
| wouldn't work. She offered to bet hin
Ave dollars that he daren't dive in, ant
he wouldn't bet.
"Come and play and dance. my dear
and choose one Of these pretty littl
girls for your wife," said the lady o
the house to little boy OF seven year
"No," said the young oynic, "Do wifi
ried out Of my life like poor papA?"
IT wish had eyes in the back Of NJ.
head" said young lady the othe
evening. "Why?" asked devote'
admirer. breathlessly. $50 that ooul
see what was going on without tn
trouble Of turning my head. ""You Cal
turn my head without any trouble,
responded the youth, with gloom,
sigh.
Mrs. whistler (who had just seel
Mrs. Virgins 60 down the steps In
sensational manner: "What In th
world did you tell her, Kste?" Kat
"You told me TO give her an evasiv
answer, ma'Am, about yer being 9
home, 80 just hit her In the eye an
slammed the door In her face"
An old chap, whose wife Is as ugl
as sin, Was recently reading an elop'
ment case which seemed TO affect hin
Said he: !" 1 should be tempted to shoe
man II he was to run of with m
wife," WE'LL" said q hearer, I"
man ought 70 be shot II he ran off wit
your wife,"
A reporter, in describing the turnin
Of dog out Of court by order Of th
bench, says: "The elected canine, q
he was ignominiously dragged from III
room, cast glance ut the judge for th
purpose Of being able TO Identify hlr
ct some future time.
"What dentist made your teeth Il
you?" "Those are my own teeth 4
dentist made them % was the indiI
Bant reply. "You don't say SO? 10
deceptive they are They look rs nil
as the best kind OF false teeth. What
wonderful thing nature Is r.
81 say, Bobby, Z" whispered Featherl,
was , our sister pleased to learn that
had called upon herr" "Yes, indee
she vas" replied Bobby. "Whe
mother told Ter that Mr.. Featherly be
called when she was out she sal,
Thank Heaven'r'
Maid TO Irish milkman)-"Miss
says she's sure there's been q great de-
o. water In the milk lately, and that
i" Pat-"Au' can ya wonder ct
! my dear? Small blame to the COWS tn
thur rsty weather, poor craturs."
II "Oh, my dear sir" said . poor su
ferer to o dentist, "that 10 the secor
wrong tooth yon have pulled out.
Every sorry, SIR" said the blunderir
operator, "but ~ there were only thr,
: when began, Pm sure to be right Il
next time"
ST declare, Charley" exclaims
Clara, lyon take the words right out
J my mouth" "Oh, mamma" piped
the little pitcher, ''now know VIII
Clara and Charley were doing cut
] the hall when she let him in!"
. An Indianapolis gentleman's clai
for divorce 10 based on the ground thi
when he was married, four weeks ag
his wife's hair was black, but now 1t
a red enough to entitle her to front ran
3 | In n torchliQht prOCeasion.