The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-02-12

three young men who wanted me to write
speeches for them to deliver on the Fourth
Of July. They could do it themselves but
hadn't the time. Ii I would write the
speeches they would be willing to re-
wise them. They seemed to think it would
be a good idea to write the speeches little
longer than necessary and then the poorer
parts OF the effort could be cut out Va
rious prices were set on these efforts from a
dollar to "the kindest regards. !" People
who have squeezed through one of our
adult winters in this latitude, subsisting
on kind regards, will please communicate
with the writer, stating how they like it.
One gentleman who was in the confec-
tionery business wanted lot of shumor-
GUS notices wrote for to put in converse
ton candy" 1t was a big temptation to
write something that would be in every
body's mouth, but | refrained. Writing
gurn-drop epitaphs may properly belong to
the domain Of literature, but / doubt it.
Surely, do not want to be naughty and
above my business, but it seems to me that
this is irrelevant.
Another man wanted me to write q
''piece for his boy to speak, and if would
do so, could come to his house some Sat
urday night and stay over Sunday. He
said that the boy was ga perfect little case
to carry on, and folks didn't know whether
he would develop into condemn fool or a
youmerist." So he wanted a piece of one
of them tomfoolery kind for the little cuss
to speak the last day of school.
A coal dealer who had risen to af1uence
by selling coal to the poor by apothe-
carries weight wrote to ask me for a de-
sign to be used as family crest and %
motto to emblazon on his arms. told
him had run out OF crests. but that
weight for the wagon, we'll all take a
ride. would be q good motto; or he might
use the following: "The fuel and his money
are soon parted" He might emblazon
this on his arms, or tattoo it on any other
part Of his system where he thought it
would be becoming to his complexion. i
never heard from him again and | do not
know whether he was offended or not.
Two young men in Massachusetts wrote
me letter in which they said they had a
good thing on mother" They wanted it
written up in facetious vein. They said
that their father had been on the coast a
few weeks before, engaged in the ceiling in
dustry. Being good man, but partially
full he had mingled himself in the flowing
tide and got drowned Finally, after sew
eral days search, the neighbors came in
sadly and told the old lady that they had
found all that was mortal OF James, and
there were two cells in his remains. They
asked for further instructions as to de.
ceased. The old lady swabbed out her
weeping eyes, braced herself against che
sink and told the men to bring in the cells
and set him again
The boys thought that if this could be
properly written up, lit would be a mighty
good joke on mother" | was greatly
shocked when received this letter. 1t
seemed to me heartless for young men to
speak lightly Of their widowed mothers
great woe. Iwrote them howl felt about
it and rebuked them severely for treating
their mothers grief SO lightly. Also for
trying to impose upon me with an old
chestnut Bill Nye, in N. Y. Mercury.