davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
THE TELETOPOMETER.
An Apparatus Adapted for Land-Surveying
and Military Purposes.

and Military Purposes.
An ingenious instrument for ascer-
tanning the distance Of accessible and in
accessible points from the observer and
from each other has been invented by
DR.. Luigi Cerebotani, a professor of the
university of Verona. The apparatus
consists mainly of a pair of telescopes
mounted on a stand and fixed on atripod
for use. The telescopes are both brought
to bear on the object, and reading IS
then taken from graduated scale on the
instrument, which, compared with set
of printed tables, gives the distance. By
this means the inventor obviates the
necessity for the base-line, which
has hitherto had to be laid
down in these operations, and he dis
penses with all trigonometrical calcula-
tons. Distances can be measured be-
tween far-off objects, and by means of a
sheet of paper fixed on drawing board
rough plan of the country under meas
urement can be sketched. In the same
way the distances of ships at sea, or of
moving objects on land, can be deter
mined. The apparatus appears to be
well adapted for land surveying, and
particularly for military purposes. In
fact, it is stated to have been already
adopted in the German army in the
latter connection, and it is about to be
tried by the authorities of the British
War Department. A practical trial was
recently made with the instrument on
the Thames embankment, when it's
varied usefulness was demonstrated
st. James Gazette.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
KNOWN BY HIS WALK.
One of the Finest Kepartees Ever Pn
lished In This Country.

One of the Finest Kepartees Ever Pub
llshed In This Country.
The following story IS told Of DR.. William
y. White, formerly chaplain OF the Uni
versity of Virginia. 1t is one OF the best
illustrations Of quick and apt retort:
When j. L. Orr was Speaker of tho
House, he spent short time at Warm
Springs, in North Carolina, where DR..
White was also. The two had been sitting
for time apart, each engaged with his
own knot of immediate friends, and by
and by the doctor arose and walked across
the room, with the old-time limp in his
gait.
Mr.. Orr Immediately recognized him, and
asked him if he were not the chaplain at
the University of Virginia at such o time,
naming the year. The doctor replied that
he was.
81 was there" said Mr.. Orr, "a student
at the time, and l knew you by the pc
culiar limp OF your STEP
sWell," said the doctor a little severely
though with twinkle which told that hi
spoke jokingly, ''it seems that my limpine
made deeper impression on you than m,
preaching"
"Ah, DOCTOR" quickly replied Mr.. Orr, :"
deem it the highest compliment we can pa,
a clergyman to say he is known by hi
walk rather than by his conversation
Charlottesville (Ha.) Chronicle.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
WANTED HIM.

A Superintendent Rewards an Honest APP
plicant for Employment.
The general superintendent of a great
railroad was sitting in his office when q
well-dressed man entered.
s'This the superintendent
eyes,"
"Glad to see you, sir. Ny name is
Bakers and I want job"
"In what department."
"Want position as conductor of q
passenger train"
"Do you understand your business?"
''Try me once"
81 suppose you would turn in every
cent that belonged to the company|
"No, sir, I'd whack up"
"About how much would you take per
day?"
lowing to business.
you'd always make it point to
bring in some little money, wouldn' t
youp'
swell, I'd help myself first and
then"
'.My friend, said the superintendent,
II want you. You have told me the first
truth that | have heard for wears, ar
kGns0ap Traveller.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17

Newspaper.
Proof-reader (reading)-Hon. William
Smith arose
Copy-holder-With "y".
Proof-reader-Smithy arose
Copy-holder-With "y" and 'e".
Professionalism why didn't you say
80? Smythe arose and saw
Copy-holder-Ran.
Proof-reader-Ran his fingers through
his hair
Police reporter-Smythe hasn't any hair;
he's as bald as a watermelon.
City editor-to reporter who wrote the
article do you want to work in
Smythes hair for if he hasn't any? Don't
you know any better than that?
Reporter (chop fallen)-I didn't notice
that he didn't have any hair. l couldn't
notice that and take notes at the same
time.
C. E.-Then how could you tell what he
was doing with his fingers? You had bet
ter try our want column and see if you
can get a situation in a livery stable.
Proofreader = Well, what shall l dc
with it?
E.-Cut it all out. 1t is ridiculous to
give a half-column report of a speech by a
man who hasn't any hair. Kill the whole
article.-Rochester Herald.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17

In the resignation Of William
Dorsheimer, United States Attorney
for the Southern District of New York,
friends of the Administration will be
gratifed to see an effect of Cleveland's
principles upon an offensive Demo
cratic partisan. 1t is impossible to es.
cape the conclusion that Mr.. Dorsheim.
er's retirement was forced by the re.
fusal of the President to aid in his con.
firmation so long as he remained edit
or-in-chief Of a party organ. He was
probably given to understand that he
must choose which he would serve, the
United States or the Democratic party.
He chose the latter, and the United
States had no further use for him.
Chicago NeaUs.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
FIGHT AGAINST EDMUNDS.

The Blaine Republicans Organizing to
Prevent His Return to the Senate.
The State election in Vermont will
occur on the 9TH of next September.
The Legislature then chosen will meet
a month later, and will elect United
States Senator to fill the seat now &C.
cupied by Hon. George F. Edmunds
whose term expires in March, 1887. Il
Mr.. Edmunds goes out of the Senate
then, he probably goes out of public
life. No Republican statesman thai
we can think of-not even Hon. Ira
Davenport less likely to receive the
next Republican nomination for Presi-
dent.
Mr.. Edmunds has strong fancy fol
public life. The fact that he is now
ably endeavoring to figure as chieftain
of the thick and thin Republicans Of
the Senate, when it is only two years
this month since he was coyly smiling
encouragement in response to the ar.
dent approaches of the Mugwumps, is
perhaps explained by the present situa-
ton in his own State of Vermont
According to the disinterested testi-
mony of Hon. Hiram Atkins, Mr..
Edmunds has hard fight in prospect
for this spring and summer:
"I do not think that Senator Edmunds vii,
get one vote in four of the Republicans In our
Legislature. have come to this conclusion
within a week from reports which have
reached me from all over the State from Re.
nj, The II 0iOa RpnnhicAna ic
Vermont are organizing against his re.elec
ton. The fight will be Edmunds and anti
Edmunds, and it will be savage. i do not say
against him. All the latters friends say thai
he is not candidate. But it is determined to
make the fight against Edmunds. Some OF
the leading Republicans in the State have de.
clared against him. Franklin, Wlndham ana
he is sure OF a majority. Some of the counties
will hardly return an Edmunds man to the
Legislature. The Democrats will vote for
their own candidate, but in towns where they
take sides where the contest is between an
Edmunds and an nttEdmunds candidate for
the Legislature"
This report of the state of politics
in Vermont comes from close OBJ
server and a Democratic leader who
has only an indirect interest in the war
of retaliation that the friends of Blaine
are waging against Senator Edmunds.
Many of the Vermont Republicans
look upon Mr.. Edmunds as almost an
other. DR.. Burchard. The resentment
of the friends of Blaine now has an
opportunity to measure its strength.
The result of the campaign to prevent
the reelection of Senator Edmunds
will be the first accurate indication of
the present vitality of the Blaine cause.
1t is only a little more than two years
before the next Republican convention
will meet; and Mr.. Blaine, having fin
ished the second volume of his great
historical work, is now once more {
man of leisure.-N Y. San.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
a NEW-FASHlONED GIRL.

She'd great and varied knowledge, picked
up at a female college, of quadratics,
hydrostatcs and pneumatics very
vast.
She was stuffed with erudtion, as you stuff
leather cushion, all the oiogfes of
the colleges, and the knowledges Of
the past.
she had studied the old lexicons of Peru
vians and Mexicans, their theology, an
thropofpgy and geology DER and DER.
She knew all the forms and features of the
prehistoric Observation-Disclosures
plesosaurus, megalosanrus and many
more.
She'd describe the ancient Tuscans, and the
Bas1ues and the Etruscans, their
griddleS and their kettles, and the
victuals that they gnawed
She'd discuss, the learned charmer, the the
ology of.Bramah, and the scandals OF
the Nandals, and the sandals that
they trod.
She knew all the mighty giants and the mas
ter minds of science, all the learning
that was turning in the burning mind
of man.
But she couldn't prepare dinner for q
gaunt and hungry sinner, or get up q
decent supper for her poor vOracious
papa. for she never was constructed
OH the old domestic plan.
Lyon Union
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
e<zmw rsxssSsz$

back with an air that seems to say: 'Well
It's none OF my business, and move on to
another? That's the pass" and q mighty
useful thing it is where the shekels are not
redundant and the ways are long. Lectur-
ers find it so especially, and Saxe-now
old-once told me one of his experiences
that was very amusing. He had passes on
all the railroads and steamboats, in the
West, he thought, but at one time he
found himself on short road not down on
his chart upon which he had no ticket. As
the conductor came along he took all his
passes from his hand like deck OF playing
cards: "Mr. Conductor" said he, lido you
play euchre?" .'Yes, sometimes" "Well
what should you say to q hand like that2"
II should say pass" and Sake put up his
cards as the conductor passed laughingly
along.-Boston Cor. Hartford Post.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
VOL. XLI.--NO. As.

stroke to this sublime picture, the climax
of the great artists highest ideal. She
seemed to be drifting in sea of magma
ton as she sat with her pure sweet face
turned toward the mighty roaring deep.
Here was a picture with strong contrast;
the awful grandeur OF the boundless ocean.
with its swelling tide and terrible roar Of
the endless pillows as they broke with caps
OF snow-white spray, and this fair being.
the very embodiment of innocence and
shrinking timidity, gazing with large
dreamy eyes into the immensely OF nat
ure's grandest work. With q wistful look,
as though she were peeping over the bat.
Elements OF glory, and q slight shrug Of
her shoulders, which fancy might have
wrought into gilded wings, she said: "Gosh,
ma, the sand fieas are giving me fits here. :
-Peck's Sun.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
He Still Made q Profit.

A sailor, having purchased some med
icine OF celebrated doctor, demanded the
price.
"Why," says the doctor, II can not
think of charging you less than seven and
sixpence."
"Well, I'll tell you what" replied the
sailor, take off the odd and I'll pay you
the cven."
''Well," returned the doctor, 1--WE won't
quarrel about trifes."
The sailor laid down sixpence, and was
walking off when the doctor reminded him
of his mistake.
"No mistake at all, sir. Six is even and
seven is odd all the world over. So wish
you very good day"
Get you gone" said the doctor. II
have made fourpence out OF you, any
how!'-English Exchange.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
The Democratic Senators

The Democratic Senators held a
caucus lately and resolved to support
the President. The President himself
has assumed very determined posi-.
ton in connection with this matter.
He contends that the Senate has no
authority to demand why or wherefore
he makes removals from office, and
according to the strict letter of the
law he is quite right. If the Senate
has any such right it is certainly not
to be found embodied either in the
constitution or any statute, or if it is,
the Senate has failed to indicate in what
part of the constitution or in what par.
ticular statute it may be found. Intact,
it appears as if the majority of the
Senate were engaged in very useless
and, therefore, foolish quarrel with the
Executive Philadelphia Inquirer, Rep.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
Crude, But Appreciatlve.

A countryman who had been to see
"Hamlet'' went into a bookstore the fol-
lowing day and bought a copy Of the play.
"By the way" he said, who writ Ham
lett"
"That is a disputed question:" replied
the bookseller. ''Some people think
Shakespeare wrote it, while others believe
that Bacon was the responsible one. You
pay your money and you take your
choice
"Well," said the countryman, as he
turned to go, whoever he was, he was q
burned smart feller."--N Y. Sun.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
coNuNpRuMs.
A Revival of Venerable Samples of Strict
ly Anticipated Humor.

A Revival of Venerable Samples of Strict
ly Anticipated Humor.
When is a troublesome corn like Henry
VIII? When it is aching IA king).
Why is a doctor never seasick? He is
used to see sickness.
Why is Westminster Abbey like fender?
Because it contains the ashes of the great
(erate.)
What relation to the door is the door.
mat? Step farther.
Why is a door like a colored woman? Be
cause it is an egress.
Why is dogs tail novelty? Because
no one ever saw it before.
What is the difference between an astron-
omer and the planet Mars? One is star
gazer, and the other is a gay star, sir.
How did Adam and Eve get out OF the
Garden of Eden? They were snaked out.
Why do white sheep eat more than black
sheep. Because there are more OF them.
Why was Cowper the poet in debt? Be.
cause he Oh'd for a lodge in some vast
wilderness.
WI - =, ~, .J;ffara,,oo hat woor tho North
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17

count OF a wedding up in Manchester, and
among the wedding presents was a bull
terrier given to the bride by her father"
Husband-'I don't see any thing odd
about that. She was the old mans young.
est daughter, wasn't she?" Wiie-"Yes;
but what's that got to do with it?" Hus-
band-"Why, OF course, if she and all the
rest were married, he had no further use
for the dog Journal.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
In the Same Neighborhood.

Two wretched looking tramps were
brought up before Texas justice Of the
peace. Addressing the worst looking one,
the justice asked:
"Where do you ive?"
nowhere"
Sand where do you live?" said the justice,
addressing the other:
"I've got the room above him. Texas
Siftings.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
Congratulated.

Charles, Ihear you are going to marry
Miss Softly. Charming woman! Let me
congratulate you on your good taste. ;"
"Ah, yes, but the fact is, have broken
off the match and I'm not going to marry
any one"
Then let me congratulate you on your
good sense" Philsdelphia Cal,
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
A PlcTJRE.
Words Fifty Spoken by an Angelic. Ma
dOnna-like Maid.

WUfuB II tIy SpOkeH " III AHBeHC, MA.
dOnna-like Maid.
She sat with her mother ON the stranded
beach, apparently enraptured beyond con-
sciousness by the grandeur Of the endless
procession OF mighty pillows which rolled
high upon the glittering sands. To an OBJ
server this fair girl, with her graceful form,
and pair OF heavenly eyes which We'd
with the rolling pillows in their crystal
iks paueness, would seem the master
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
John G. saxe,s Full Hand.

Did you ever on railway car observe
the many bits OF pasteboard that are
thrust out at the conductors who hesitate
before they punch them and hand them
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
No More Use for the Dor.

Wife (reading the paper)-"Well, l de-
clare, if that isn't the queerest thing ! ever
heard Of" Observation-Disclosures that?"
Wife-"Why, here in the paper is an ac-
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
and South pole? All the difference in the

and South pole? All the difference IN the
world.
Why is the conscience like strap of an
omnibus? Because it is an inward check on
the outward man.
Why is a lady at ball like an arrow?
Because she can not go off without a beau,
and is in culver until she gets one.-
Farm, Field and Stockman.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-17
THE WAY OF IT.

Ton Minutes in the Editorial Rooms of 9
NewsDaDer.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1886-11-06
The Election Returns.

The numerous candidates in the field at
the recent election make the canvass OF the
votes long and tedious business. In a
large number of precincts the persons
whose duty it was to forward the returns,
owing to the large number of names, sent
only the first half of the ticket, thinking
that was all that was necessary. AS con-
sequence additional returns have had to be
sent for, and delay has necessarily been
the consequence. Quite a number OF the
returns of the votes for the minor offices
are still unreported. The HERALD has
published the results of the election from
day to day, and to-day commences the pub
lication OF a tabulated statement OF the
vote
type but a portion is delayed publication
to make necessary and evident corrections.
AT the conclusion OF the othclal can-
vass by the Board OF Supervisors the
official returns will be published In
a conspicuous and classified manner.
The result of the election has been the
election of good officers throughout the
whole list of nomiaees from Governor to
Constable for which the people have rea-
son to rejoice, and do rejoice. Tie people
Los Angeles county yesterday seemed
4 .srious TO an eminent degree, as the tele-
Y las from time to time announced the
- ction of honored and honorable names
! Nat appear in the list published today.
/ The whole State is to be congratul tted on
the election of a Governor who will guide
the ship of State Alright, and corps oil able
officials that will assist in the departments
of the government. All the county officials
elected ON the Democratic ticket are men OF
experience and integrity, while the Legis-
lative ticket is all that could be desired.
The skies are bright all round the horizon,
and prosperous times are sure to follow.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1886-11-06
An Entorprising Company.

THE Santa Ana Valley Fruit Company is
now shipping one carload of cold storage
cranes to Chicago each week in Tiffany re-
5rigerator cars. One Car was dispatched
Yesterday morning. The car goes through
Iii right without an attendant, the railroad
Company agreeing to look after 1t when nec-
assarv. The grapes remain in the cold
esorage room twenty-four hours at tenn
neratllre OF 50o One carload at time is
piaced in this room, the grapes being al
ready placed in trays laid within small wood
en- boxes, and the boxes so arranged that
the current of cold air Is freely circulating
sII around them. There is double roof
~ these cold-storage rooms, the outer one
of corrugated iron, upon which stream OF
,voter is constantly sprayed from the steam
mump. Mr.. Town, the cold storage supar-
fntandent, courteously explained TO us the
worrings of his department, the ice being
cmanarated by ammonia, subject 10 steam
SSrass,,re Of loo pounds. which has to be kept
pn dav and night, and the cold air forced
thpromgh the pipes and tanks into the rooms.
rho Company is now employing Al men and
women In the warehouse, and 2S In the
vineyards, making 70 persons engaged. The
MA Ses Maid to laboiers are $l50 per day. 1t
III thus be seen that this company Is ray
!Ine ont eoodly sum each week, which Is
distributed in the community, helping all
nranches OF business The members OF the
comnauy are our own substantial citizens,
and we hope their enterprise will be liber-
ailv rewarded. Hundreds OF boxes Of rails
snyare now being packed In the warehouse.
santa Ana Herald.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1886-11-06
No More Needed.

= This government should make strenuous
efforts to prevent the landing of Mormons
n this country. They are gathered in
herds in Europe and forwarded to Salt
lake City to live in open violation OF our
hws. Just as the anarchists come. America
fhouid give all the world to understand
that while this country is an asylum for the
oppressed of all nations. it is not and shall
not be made the rendezvous for the off
ADurings of the earth. receptacle for
aiNnanner of foreign filth, to be dumped
into our midst at pleasure. We would
extend cordial welcome and the
amplest protection to all who come With
pure he arts and clean hands, to become Cit
fzens because they love our institutions,
will willingly obey the laws and zealously
Aid in this enforcement. When that other
class &C me with hostility in their hearts,
come to plant the red flag or any other flag
not our own, they should be treated as enc
mics and rigidly excluded. There is no
room for any other than the stars and
stripes on American soil, our institutions
are TO be maintained and our laws obeyed.
Asa government we have the same right to
nrevent these vulturous classes from land
ing on our shores that the Individual has to
nrevept them entering his family circle,
and the duty is as imperative Pasadena
Star. -
Los Angeles daily herald., 1886-11-06
Pasturagc.

Gout, rheumatism burns and scalds van
ish at the touch of st. Jacobs Oil.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1886-11-06
Another Big Sale.

Prof. ]. d. Yocum has sold the south half
of his Linda Vista rancho to a party of Los
Angeles capitalists for $4,000 This means
big deal-a bridge across the Arroyo a lit
tie north of Colorado street. a street car
line with a new subdivision that is bound to
make splendid town. The syndicate will
Immediately complete the survey and push
things for all there is in it. Plenty of water,
splendid building sites, fine lots, high eleva-
tion, lots OF fruits etc, are on the progrm.
The street car line is to reach the Devils
gate.-i Pasadena Star.
[As the Professor paid s., 900 for the whole
property about three years ago, sale of
half of 1t for $4,000 will repay him hand
somely for his improvements.-HERA
Reporter.l
Los Angeles daily herald., 1886-11-06
An Obstacle to ysical Well.
RnsssU

Physicians rightly characterize constipa.
ton as an obstinate impeachment to the
Welfare of the body. The performance of
tie more important functions, such as diges-
ton, hillary secretion and an active circu-
lation of the blood, are interrupted by it in
a greater or less degree, as the development
of the complaint is incipient or mature. Not
at once. of course. but with reasonable
promptitude Hostetter's Stomach Bitters
viii remove every symptom to which 1t
gives rise, as well as the minor maladIes
that spring from 1t, among them indigestion
and chronic billiousness. From drenching
cathartics it is vain to hope for permanent
benefit, and there are few purgatives that
are not violent and profuse In their opera
tion. Blue pills and calomel ase designed
to act upon the liver only. and taken fire.
auently are perniciOus to health. The Bit
Iers produces relaxation of the bowels with
out pain, and renewal of their regularity.
1t also conquers fever and ague, rheuma-
tism, neuralgia and inactivity of the kid
news,
Los Angeles daily herald., 1886-11-06

LOugheed Tract. Free Carriage.
Two P. NJ. See Chas Victor Hall, 101a 8.
Spring street, before you buy.