The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-02-05
SATAN BAFFLED.
A Texas Sketch With . Word for Other
Localities.

from texas Strings.
Macbeth Simmons, a farmer living
on Onion Creek, near Austin. Texas,
went over to see Jim Best, whose tarm
adjoins that of Simmons.
This year the crops have been ex-
traordinarily fine on Onion Creek. The
corn will average forty bushels to the
acre, and the cotton is all that could
be desired, but Macbeth Simmons is q
chronic growler. He is never satisfied
with the weather, or the crops. or
even with himself. In fact, the better
the crops the more hegrumbles.
Jim Best, on the other hand, is q
cheerful, contented sort of q man, who
never grumbled about anything. If he
could not avert a calamity he never
grumbled, because it was Of no use to
grumble. He never grumbled about
those misfortunes he could prevent,
because it was better to do so than to
grumble about them, SO he never
grumbled-
"Good morning, Simmons" said
Best, cheerfully, "Take chair in the
shade, and we'll cut q watermelon
after q while"
Simmons answered the salutation
in a despairing sort OF q way, and
having taken chair, began to grumble
about the low price corn was bringing,
then he objected to the kind of weather
that WAS going to prevail during the
coming week.
"Look here, Simmons" said Best,
81 don't believe you are ever satisfied.
l don't think it is possible to make
you quit grumbling. By the way, l
had a dream about you last night"
"That means that am going to die
OF some horrible lingering disease, :"
said Macbeth, looking as if he was dead
already.
~ dreamt," continued Best, chat
Satan had been listening to your
grumbling for long time and had at
last come to the conclusion to try and
see if he he could make you stop it by
giving you every thing you wanted. So
one day while you were blowing in the
field, and GUESSING the climate, the soil,
the pillow, the mule and everything in
sight, he put in an appearance right by
your side"
"How did helook?" asked Simmons.
"He looked as if he were very much
of n gentleman. He wore peculiarly
shaped boots, he kept his hat on his
head, so you couldn't see his horns,
and his tail was curled up somewhere
inside of his clothes. He looked like
poker-playing member of the Texas
Legislature. He had two little
round boxes with him. Hesaluted you
very politely and asked you how you
were coming on with your blowing,
and you growled, and said it was
the worst ground to pillow in western
Texas"
"And so tits" said Simmons, gloom
lily.
"Well," continued Best, "Satan
smiled a peculiar sort of q smile, and
said he would try and see what he
could do. He took hold of the pillow,
and in almost no time he had the
whole field plowed up. Every furrow
was as straight as an arrow. When
Satan had plowed up the field, you
grumbled because you didn't havo seed
enough, but Satan only smiled, and
said he would attend to that too, and
he went to work and planted theentire
field"
Nothing of that sort ever happens
to me. never have the luck to have
anybody help me put in q CROP,
growled Simmons.
CATER Satan had plowed up your
field and planted your corn for you"
continued Best, che asked if you were
satisfied, and you replied that there
was no use Of planting anyhow, as
there would be either too much rain,
or too much sunshine, and there
conldn't be any corn raised that year"
"That's just the way it is in Texas"
said Simmons.
"Satan never does things by halves, -
continued Best, $50 he brought out
the two round boxes and said that one
of them was full of sunshine and the
other was full of rain, and they were
properly labelled SO you could not
make any mistake. You could
just regulate the weather to suit
yourself, and that he would come
back when the corn was ripe to get the
empty boxes. Mr.. Satan them went
away. The crops were splendid that
year, and yours i'll particular, but you
grumbled as usual. You said corn
would be too cheap, and just then Mr..
Satan appeared and having listened
to your complaints, he took one of
the ears of corn and stripping of the
shuck called your attention to the fact
that your corn was different from 9TH
err corn, as all the grains of your corn
were of solid, pure gold. Mr.. Satan
thought you would be satisfied with
that corn crop, anyhow, but there's
where he was fooled, for you pulled the
corners of your mouth down and said,
in whining sort of a way
"When come to get the greenbacks
at the bank for the gold I'll be swim.
died at least two per cent"
"Then Mr.. Satan got mad and said
that as this world was not good
enough for you he would give you O
change to the place where he lived, and
the last l saw he was going off with
you under his arm, and smelt q
strong smell of sulphur and then
woke up, trembling all over, for was
afraid something had happened to you.
Iamglad to see you arestill herein Tex.
as, and well enough to grumble about
the corn CROP" concluded Best.
eyes," replied Simmons, getting up
to go away, "I've got cold streaks
running up my legs, and that means
am'gcing to have dumb chills before
long"
Benjamin Bathurst William Henry
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