Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-04
JOKING HAS ITS DRAWBACKS.
A New HumOrist Fails Foul of New
Jersey Audience.
New York Mail and Express.


ST confess that when a man in my
line seriously sits down to measure
the length, breadth. and exact num-
Der OF cubic inches to j ,ke. ne comes
to the conclusion that joking by con-
tract has its draw backs" So spoke
Marshall 2. Wilder, the humorist,
after his recent trip TO Tuckerton, n &,
j., where he employed his varied tai
ents IN the endeavor to convulse with
laughter an audience composed of a
few hundred farmers and villagers.
He labored under some Disadvantages
on the ecccsion. The members of the
reception committee who met him at
the railroad depot impressed upon
aim the fact that many Of the per-
sons to whom he was to address him
self were church members of the
strictest type whom anything ap-
preaching to levity would be an un-
pardonable cffense. They told him,
too, that others of the audience were
worldly-minded people who had been
recently gathered to the fold, and
that they would lose cast with the
congregation if they were seen laugh
'Well, laughed Wilder, 81 was in
for it and could not shirk the respon-
bihty. Half dozen local people got
on at the station this side Of the town
to attend the entertainment, and
confess had my misg1vings, for never
q ghost Of smile fiickered on their
faces. The night was chilly, and as
| stepped on the platform [ saw q
couple of figures looking anxiously
into the faces of the arrivals.
They were the members of the recep-
ton committee, but they looked like
a pair of undertakes.
"'I'll be darned if he's come, said
one; what are We agwine to do,
brother"
"'Maybe he's gone to the next station
by mistake was the grave response.
'''I took in the situation at once"
pursued Wilder. land I thought I'd
have my own joke if it wasn't on the
programme. Away drove the COM
mittee in the buggy, and, stepping in
to stage closely mufned, I followed.
The buggy aad the start of me by
about ten minutes, and when I arriv-
ed at the hall I heard the loud voice
of the chairman making an apology
for my non appearance. Going around
by the back door, persuaded a small
boy to call him off the stage. AS he
came out he scrutinized my 6iminutive
figure and exclaimed:
"Who on earth be you?
"'My name is Wilder-Marshall P.
Wilder, [ replied.
"'Then where's your father?'
"'He's in New York
"'And where's the humorist!'
I" I'm the humorist.'
Wal, I'll be gol darned if this
don't beat punkinsv and he burst into
such an uncomfortable fit of laughter
that though he'd never stop. Just
you holt on mint while / fix
things Then he rushed onto the
platform and raising his hands as
though about to pronounce the bene-
diction, he said in a loud voice:
"'Ladies and gentlemen, the hum
orist has come He couldn't get any
further, for he was seized with such q
spasn of laughter that began to feel
that the supply would give out before
I could come to his relief. Let's in
troduce you properly he added, and
Selling me by the arm he almost
dragged nae before the audience and
then roared:
'''Thls be the humorist.'
''Some laughed and others looked
incredulous, but boy in front, who
/ was apparently contrasting my small
figure with the tall, bony attitude Of
the chairman. called out, Don't step
on him or you'll break him up.'"
Mr.. Wilder thinks there is good ma
terial for laughter in the town of
Tuckerton, but it requires little cul-
tivation. He thinks that in second
or third attempt he may be able to
make some of the deacons and sisters
smile.