The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-03-11

| as sleek as grease.
The Northern Democrat in Congress is only q
pilot-fish. The Southern shark uses him, and
has contem pit for him.
..-
Mr.. Beabout, of Toledo, has been Jailed fol-
mailing obscene literature. He will therefore
not Beabout for some days yet.
-.
The Detroit Tribune says "Gov. Foraker stood
with one hand in the pocket of his pantaloons u
That was because he was in Detroit.
-
The Athens Journal man sweetly thanks his
friends for plate of molasses-candy. He re-
garbs it as a composing .'stick."
By the time Johnny Mclean gets through
vii h his ussle with justice, he will be in con-
dition to drop the enc" from his name.
The new Sup't. of the Hamilton County In
firmary says he found things poor and filthy.
He was lucky to find them at all.
Sunset Cox writes that he don't get money
enough as Minister to Turkey. But he don't
say anything about coming home.
Teacher.-"What is the meaning of the word
argument?"
Pupil.-"A dispute between two persons who
OooAi hAOW lhSy diC llSht.
Several hundred workmen walked out of the
Mccormick Machine Works, in Chicago. They
tried to walk back again, but failed.
Warner, of Ohio, threw political harpoon at
Butterworth, in the House, but he would have
been awful glad to let go of the line afterward.
-.
Sam. Jones didn't work it right. If he wanted
TO meet the Devil in Cincinnati, why didn't he
insert personal" in the Enquirer?
1t is certainly great country, where man
get first-class paper or magazine, and a
f1rst-class Waterbury Watch for three dollars.
The Democratic Brown County News heads
an article dalton Prosecuted" We believe it.
1t is positive persecution to keep him out of
Jail so long.
Southern papers delight to publish remin- :
iscences in NEGRO dialect But it's nothing SO
very old or strange. Most white people down
there talk that way yet.
"Oh you go to the Devil v' exclaimed the ex-
cited doggery keeper.
"That's what I'm here forW was the meek
reply.
A Georgia Prohibitionist killed a whiskyi ite,
anu tnc ITl6uuS Oh the lalter Diane II ONO sam.
Jones. mistake. Sans fighting the fellow
that caused it, now.
'Ob, never get tired of doing good !' said the
conceited man to an old lady.
''La 1 should think not!" was the cutting
reply.
The fellow who forged the Cincinnati elec-
tion returns has the suggestive name of White
head. From the blackness of its work, this
seems a misnomer.
A Louisville poet, in an address to Miss Lee
uses this line: "Not England's Prince, the
tilted Wales" Was it a typographical error,
was the Prince drunk?
Some fellow stole the baptismal fount and
communion service at a Tif1in, Ohio, church.
"The dying thief Tejoiced to see that fountain
in his day.
'The President has spoken his mind to the
Senate.' When old Edmunds returned the
compliment Clevelands coat-tail was yard
nearer the ground.
Gallipolis will make her saloons close at
eleven O'Clock at night This thing of keeping
open until a late hour has got to be stopped, in
Gallipolis
Pasteur has cured hydrophobia by inocula-
ton. The next specialist will perhaps cure
men of snakes by making them drunk. Such
a man would never lack for practice.
Preachers may talk about back-slding, but
the one who has never tried to Jump across a
small creek, in the winter time, don't know
anything about it.
The Democrats in Cincinnati changed the 7
to a because they found Democratic ballots
under the box" Now the whole party is under
the box.
''This is a society dance-no improper charac-
tiers admitted!' said the door-keeper. OF course
not! What would a man want to admit that
his character was improper, for
The little city of Circleville has no great re-
vival but she's doing what she can to interest
moral sentiment. She's running big rooster
fight.
The managers of the Ohio Penitentiary are
going to reduce the number of convicts and get
more room, by parolling two hundred. They
want to get ready for Cincinnati.
The Pomery Telegraph says the Commission
ers of Jackson county will pay two hundred
dollars for the arrest of Herschel Johnson. Not
much. Would rather invest the other way.
..-
The eight-hour law gives a man two hours
time for himself. The trouble with many men
is they can't tell what part of the day to take
their two hours from-and just take the whole
day.
The Louisville Courier Journal says "Ohio
are not ashamed of anything" We
saw they are! They'r ashamed of the Demo-
cratic party of Hamilton county.
Gen. Beauregard and Gen. Jube Early certify
over their own signatures that the Louisiana
Lottery isn't fraud. The connection of Early
with it ought to convince everyb body that it is
"hying.'
A man named Smith, in Warrensburg, Mo-,
established the Order Of the Star of Heaven, its
members being the only beings who were to be
saved. After the members paid a handsome
sum to the leader, they discovered that even
they were not saved. Smith is now a shooting
star"
Senator Payne is still 'breaking down." ac-
cordng to the Washington dispatches. That
than any man known TO American history.
He resigns his seat in the Senate about once a
day.
Congressman Wolford wants the Government
to furnish an artificial limb TO every rebel
soldier who lost an arm leg in the war. On
the same principle, the man who sets steel
trap should pay The thief caught for damage
done to his limb.