Morning journal and courier., 1886-02-12
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society lady who was describing grand ball to friend few nights ago was asked how she was dressed. ''Low-and behold" was the response.-New York Commercial Advertiser.
 s'She puts on great many airs, does she nots' said Mildred while discussing an ac- quaintance. stAirs," replied Amy. "That doesn't begin to express it. She just piles cyclones on the top of hurricanes. ."-Pitts- burg Chronicle.
 The only remedy.-Doctor to lady, a ma Jade imaginaire: ''There is but one remedy that can save you." Patient-tAnd what is that?' Doctor-''Get your daughter mar notoriously very tenacious of life. ."-- Fliegende Blatter.
 Miss Clara (of the Shakespeare class)-t'We read Julius Cesar this afternoon. I think the most thrilling part of the play is where Cesar falls at the base of Pompey's statue" MT. Featherly (not of the Shakespeare class) -"Yes? And did he fall all the way from the top?'-Harper's Bazaar.
 She hadn't changed; Mrs. Fogg- -'tMother always said was the best baby she ever saw She used to say that I never kept her awake" MT. Fogg-HAnd you never chang ed, did you, dear! You know you never succeeded in keeping me awake when we pass an evening together. ."-Boston Tran script.
 Quick Young Man-''Hang it all, my watch is an hour slow again! I'm going to sell it if it keeps on losing like this.' Sar- castle Parent-''Oh, I wouldn't do that, Ned. It was your grandfather's watch, you know, and it is only natural that it should have hard work to keep up with you the way you live. e."-Somerville Journal.
 A blacksmith in Buffalo broke his helpers head with a hammer because he talked so much. A syndicate is now being formed to buy up enough votes to send that black smith to Congress and buy him four new long handled hammers with letter of credit at the nearest hardware store. There's peace for this old land yet.-Brooklyn Eagle.
 Commercial item.-''Ise got complaint ter make," says Jim Webster to his employ CT, an Austin merchant. "What is its" 'De bookkeeper kicked me, sah. 1 don't want no bookkeeper ter kick me-" ''Of course he kicked you. You don't expect me to attend the little details of the business myself."- Texas Siftings.
 Elderly female Cat the gate of heaven)- "Can come ina" St. Peter-''Are you mar rieds" Elderly female-''No, sir. never had chance.' "St. Peter-.'How old are youa" Elderly female-"Forty seven, sir; and I've worn false hair for twenty-one vears." St. Peter (to assistant )-"Give this lady pair of golden wings studded with diamonds, and mark her 100 in truth?'-New York Times.
 On the stage: Ardent lover (embracing the leading lady): "At last, my own, can hold YOU in these arms-at last can look into those calm blue eyes and read there the sweet story of your love. Kiss away my sor- rows, love, aud the past will seem like some dreadful dreamp' (Aside to her)-"Now, when you kiss me, don't hang on forever. There's my wife watching me from the opera box '-Rambler.
 ssMother," said little Rockland girl look ing up from her book, ''what does transat- lantic meang" "Oh, across the Atlantic, of course. Don't bother me-you made me for get my count'' "Does trans always mean acrossa' "I suppose it does. If you don't stop bothering me with your questions you'll go to bed" ''Then does transparent mean 8 cross parentF' Ten minutes later she was resting in her little couch.-Rockland Cour- ier-Gazette.
 The squire of an English hamlet had just bestowed an aims upon a village mendicant. "May the Lord give your soul place in heavenl" exclaimed the grateful beggar. ''Thank ye, Thomas, thank ye," said the squire. Encouraged by this appreciation the beggar went on fervently, ''May he give it place in heaven-ay, this very nig ght." 'Hold, Thomas," said the alarmed squire; "you needn't have been so particular to name the date. .'-Baptist Weekly.