davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1886-12-16
A SLIM BANQUET.
Mr.. Spoopendyke Forgets that il is
Wash Day.
Brooklyn Eagle.1

Say. my DEAR whispered Mr..
Spoopendyke. closing the door care
fully and approaching his wife with
broad grin on his vlsage. Say, my
dear, Specklewottle's down stairs in
the parlor. He has come to take din
ner with us!'
Great gracious!' exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping her work and
bustling up to the glass to arrange her
hair. What did he come to day for?
Don't he know it's wash day?'
He came for dinner!' retorted Mr.
Spoopendyke, turning pale about the
lips. What dye s'pose he came for,
to be washed! What's wash day got
to do with it? Think the man can be
soaked in tub and hung over the
clothes line with measly wooden pin
astride the small Of his back2 Well,
he didn't, he came for grub, and you
want to hustle around and get it up
pretty lively for him, or I'll begin to
serve up things myself before longr
'But, my dear, demonstrated Mrs.
Spoopendyke, there's nothing in the
house. The clothes
Then serve up the clothes! roared
Mr.. Spoopendyke, who had utterly
forgotten the day of the week when he
invited his friend, and now he wanted
his wife to get him out of the scrape
somehow, and al the same time not let
him down with Specklowttle. Just
put the clothes on a platter and sci
EN- before him! You can explain tc
him that we only eat three times q
week, like dog in hot weather
That'll satisfy him, so long as he has
the clothes to eat!' .
'You don't imagine he would wan
to eat the clothes do your asked Mrs
Spoopendyke, innocentIy.
Just try him!' yelled Mr.. Spoop-
"',dyke, enraged at the idea of being
,aken literally. Just try him, anc
sling in some of the natural grace you
always put on a table! 'Mr. Speck
leworth, have some of this fricaseec
petticoatP and Mr.. Soopendyke helt
out the legs of his trousers as q wo-
man holds her skirts, and waltzed al
around the room. MIR. Specklewottle
do try one of these fried socks and
slice of the pillow sham! Dear Mr.
Specklewottle, pray let me help 20,
to piece of this shirt collar and pal
stuffed cuffs! l made them myself
and though they are not as good a
- that's the way to do itr con
tinued Mr.. Spoopendyke suddenl,
concluding his remarks with wal
whoop, and presenting himself befor
his wife all out of breath. 'Thinl
you've got that bill of fare all right
See your way clear to successful
dinner party, now? ...
There's some cold shad down stairs
and | think there is raw ham in tn,
cellar, ruminated Mrs Spoopendyke
regarding her husband with startled
look of inquiry, as if asking if HI
thought Speclewottle would mind thu
meat being raw and the fish a trif'
cold. Il don't think he has anything
home on Mondays except cabbage anc
beans. O" perhaps may have dough.
nuts and pie, she continued, hastily
seeing her husband swelling with re-
tort. 'And Pm sure doughnuts and
pie are good.'
That's whst he wants.! howled
Mr. Spoopendyke., Bring forth the
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1886-12-16

TIIIH pApEp may he found on file at lleo
4A40 42I G2N p. Roweil & Co.'S Newspaper
Advertising Bureau no Spruce st. where advertising
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1886-12-16

"Oh! if l had only known that
in time" Known what? "Known
that simple cold in the head may de-
velop into chronic catarrh." Well, il
isn't too late, for Ely's Cream Balm
will cure catarrh even after the suffer
er's life has become a burden to him,
and he nuisance to his friends. 1t is
the only radical and thoroughly scien.
tific catarrh cure known. Not a snuff
Not liquid. Price fifty cents. ct
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1886-12-16


shad that froze to death in the house
of Spoopendyke! Develop the measly
banquet and let JOY be unconfned!
Amt YOU got any more sense than a
bunghole? Think I'm going to bring
the aristocracy here to fstten on dead
fish AMI live hogs! How long are YOU
going to let that man SIT down stairs
IN a state of starvation? Where's that
roast OF beef brought home the 9TH
er day?'
i think we ate that all up the day
it came home;' sighed Mrs. Spoopen.
dyke. do Won mean that roast with
the queer little sticks in IL?
The same replied Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke nerving himself for another or
deal. did we eat the sticks2 Am
TO understand that there is not one
dodgasted little stick left of all that
sffluent luxurious mess? Lift the i'm
penetrable veil of obscurity off the Sc
cluded bower of the shrinking sticks,
he yelled. as it dawned upon him
that Specklewottle was in the parlor
waiting to be fed, and that the social
problem was no nearer solution than
when he started. Let MS unravel the
mystery that bangs like pail over
the fate of the unhappy sticks, that
they may come forth and fructify
Specklewottle, and in the excess of
his emotion Mr., Spoopendyke gasped
for breath and rested his hands on his
KNEES, looked as If he we're inviting
his wife to little game of leap frog
There's some lettuce in the house,
and bought some strawberries to day
and | could cook the steak | saved
over for breakfast, murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, coming out triumph
antly in the end, woman like. And
| will put on my new wine colored
satin, and we will have nice supper.
Going to put that wine co ored on
the ham, howled Mr.. Spoopendyke,
who had mans idea that a dinner is
not dinner until it's roasted, Think
| brought that man here at 6 O'Clock
in the afternoon to take breakfast
Got some kind of notion that cold
fish, raw ham, wormy lettuce, green
straw berries and fried COW are going
to satisfy the cravings of a man who
has just won bet of dinner on
but here Mr. Spoopendyke stopped
short. The last revelation was unin
territorial
WAS it a bet, dear?' asked Mrs
Spoopendyke opening her eyes in as,
tonishment. Did you bring Speck
lewottle home here on bet? If | had
known that and you had given me
time, l would have had nice supper
for you. ! don't suppose he woulc
care for cold meal, unuer the cir
cumstances. l really think"
That settles it,, squaled Spoop
endyke, mad at himself tor what be
had divulged, and angrier still wher
he saw that he would have to explair
to Specklewottle how he was fixed
When you commenced to think, th'
free list is entirely suspended. SOM
day when | catch you thinking l an
going to drive spiggot in your head
advertise science on top Book scienc'
a dime extra, Free lunch from |
to L.
And with this prospectus Spoopen
dyke flash down stairs and explain
ed to Mr., Specklewottle that, owing t.
Mrs Spoopendyke having sever
headache they had better postpon
the dinner, or retire to the neares
restaurant.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1886-12-16
PAL sz3i1 S TONIC
him D RCOR N S

The SAFEST sures quickest and best cure for Corns,
Bunions Warts Moles Callouses, &c. Hindersheir fur
thergrowth. Stops PAIN Givesnotroube. Makes the
feet comfortable Hndercorns cures when everything
else fails Sold by Druggists at 15c. HIscox&Co, N
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1886-12-16

Chauncey,M. Depew and Franklin B.
Gowen both entered the railway world
from law Offices.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1886-12-16
THROUGH SLEEPING Gar lines

Between st. Louis, New York and Boston, via
Niagara Falls; Chicago and New York, via Detroit
and Niagara Falls; st. Louis and st. Paul and
Minneapolis; ct. Louis and Chicago: St. Louis and
Kansas City; st. Louis and st. Joseph; st. Louis
and Council Bluffs and Omaha; st. Louis and Des
Moines; St. Louis and Toledo; st. Louis and De-
troit; Chicago and Kansas City; Kansas City and
Des Moines; Detroit and Indianapolis.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1886-12-16

And with this prospectus Spoopen-
dyke flash down stairs and explain
ed to Mr.. Specklewottle that, owing to
Mrs Spoopendyke having severe
headache they had better postpone
the dinner, or retire to the nearest
restaurant.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

The opportunities fer ladies' TO end en-
ployment that Is both suitable and re-
munerative are limited; their pay is usually
poor as cOmrarcd with the salaries paid t.
men in same lines OF occupation. But there
are some very noted exceptions; journalism.
the drama music and the platform offer
equal advantages TO men aud women; and
there is one occupation in which WomCn are
generally more successful than men. aud that
is in the management of special agencies.
by special agencies we mean, they are given
the exclusive control OF the sale Oi special
articles that can not be bought at the stores.
and, II Tie articles have merit, and are In
demand, they are a sure source OF profit to
this line the Cincinnati Suspeudcr Company
are Offering Inducements 10 ladies that we
think ought TO attract attention. They are
manufacturing the now celebrated Queen
City Skirt Suspenders for ladies and misses
and their unequaled Stocking supporters Tor
ladies and children. Oscar Wilde, IN his
PHILOSOPHY Of Dress" says, "the first and
last rule Is this, that each separate article Of
apparel is TO be suspended from the waist.
Mature gives one no opportunity at all OF
suspending anything from the waists deli
cate curve. Consequently, by means OF 4
tight corset, regular artificial ledge had to
be produced, from which the lower garments
are hurg. Where there are no suspcnders
there must be cOrscts; adopt the former and
the latter disappear. Catherine de Mcdicis,
High Prles tess OF poison and petticOalS. IN
vented the corset. Now cOrsets are wholly
bad Petticoats should be suspended from
the shoulders. No lady or miss should be
without SlIspenders Our leading ply ysicians
recommend them and are loud in their praise
of the Queen City SGspenders. These goods
are manufactured by women, who have made
the wants of ladies and children study,aud
they ask us 10 refer them to some reliable
| aud energetic lady to take the exclusive sale
nf them, ard We certainly think that an
.earnest solicitation in every household
would meet with a ready response. and that
| q determined woman could make a hand
some sllary and have an exclusive
agency that would be very profitable. We
advise an! lady who is in need Of employ
ment TO send 10 this company her name and
address (pl0inly written), and mention this
paper. A dress The Cincinnati Sllspendci
| Co., t79 Main Street, Cincinnati, Ohio.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

If your avocations are mentally or
physically laborious, if they subject you
to exposure in inclement weather, If
they confine you to the desk, and are of
nature to involve wear and tear of
brain, and nervous strain, you may oc-
casionally require some renovating ton
ic. Hostetter's Stomach Bitters is the
article for you, it stimulates the failing
energies, invigorates the body and cheers
the mind. 1t enables the system to
throw of the debiitating effects of un-
due fatigue, gives renewed vigor to the
organs of digestion, arouses the liver
when inactive, which il very often is
with people whose pursuits are sedent-
ary, renews the jaded appetite, and en-
courages healthful repose Its ingredi-
ents are safe, and its credentials, which
consist in the hearty endorsement OF
persons of every class of society, are
most convincing. Admirably is it
adapted to the medical wants of workers.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
TO remove Tho stains Of French Shoe

To remove the stains of French shoe
polish, either from woolen or cotton
goods, wash the spot with tallow soap
and let it stand for an hour or so, then
wash in clean water, and afterwards
proceed as with any soiled article.
"A teaspoonful of borax put in the
last water in which clothes are rinsed.
will whiten them wonderfully. Pound
the borax so it will dissolve easily. This
is especially good to remove the yellow
that time gives to white garments that
have been laid away two or three years.
"A room crowded to discomfort with
furniture and ornaments, no matter
how costly, is never restful and home
like, and always suggests the museum
or the shop.
Wool carpets should be taken NJ
and shaken once a year. and if the room
is common one twice or more. When
ever a carpet is taken up it should bC
carefully examined, and il any place,
are burned or worn, they should bt
carefully darned with The raYelings tC
match. A carpet can be saved very
much by guarding the entrance doors
with mats, etc, especially the door lead
ing from the kitchen.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
~ mating, countorpanes, or bed

If mating, countorpanes, or bed
spreads have oil spots on them, wet with
alcohol, rub with hard soap, and then
rinse with clear, cold water.
Wash hair brushes and combs in
soft water, AMI liquid ammonia, in the
proportion OF four teaspoonfuls of liquid
ammonia to one quart of water.
No matter how large the spot of oil,
any carpet or wooden stuff can be cleaned
by applying buckwheat, plentifully and
faithfully, brushing it into a dust pan
after short time, and putting on fresh
until the oil has all disappeared. Never
put on liquid of any kind to cleanse such
a spot.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
fARME rs COLUMN.

Wide and heavy embroiderics are
now too plain for sheets.
Sheets and coverlets have attained
a gorgeousness that is almost indescrib-
able.
Lace curtains, lace pillows, all to
match. A woman looks bewitching in
all this white cobwebby fabric.
The lace of the upper sheet extends
all around, is not tucked under, but
forms the border trimming of the light
blue satin or pink coverlet.
The part of sheet that is turned
over is delicate piece of lace work in
which appears the monogram and coat
of arms in relief. Nor is that a sham.
but genuine part of the sheet that
must be laundriea every time the sheet is.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

If your life is made a burden owing to
blackheads, pilnples and other eruptions
on the face marring your beauty and
causing so much chagrln, it is no longer
necessary to endure il. DIR. Flagg' S
Family Ointment will certainly remove
all such blemishes and leave your skin
soft, smooth and beautiful. Sold by all
druggists and mailed on receipt of price,
20c. Williams Mfg. Co, Props,
Cleveland, o. Sold at Thomas drug
store.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10


The Chinese name for the old
scratch is 1t Ching. This is remark
able.
According 10 Philadelphia mu-
scum manager couterfeit freaks of ma
ture are crowding genuine oddities out
of the market.
One of my children, girl about nine
years old, had a very bad discharge from
her head and nose of thick. yellowish
matter, and was growing worse: we had
two different physicians prescribe for
her, but without benefit: we tried Elys
Cream Balm. and much to our surprise
in three days there was n marked i'm
proyement; we continued using the
Balm and in n short time the discharge
was apparently cured. .. y. Cary,
Corning, n. Y.
Probably the shakiness of the
climbs of the law accounts for the
laws delay.
"A cows horn, five and half feet
long, is one of the curiosities of Cali
fornia.
'
constipation, loss of appetite, dizziness,
and all symptoms OF dyspepsia. Price
10 and IS cents per bottle. Sold by w..
f. Biery, Weissport, and DIR. G. Horn.
Lehighton.
= Father What is your favorite
hymn, Clara, my darling? Clara-The
one you chased away over the fence last
night, dear papa.
"A desirable bargains in silks-a
pretty girl with m ion.
Catarrh. when chronic, becomes very
offensive. It is impossible to be other
wise healthy, and, at the same time, af-
licted with catarrh This disagreeable
disease, in its most obstinate and dang
erous forms, can be cured by the use of
Ayers Sarsaparilla.
An exchange inten lirg to puff
musicals characters, wrote that their
parts were too short. The printer put
an for an in parts"
"A man isn'tof necessity bald headed
because he has no heir.
SHILOH cough and consumption cure
is sold by us on a guarantee. IL cures
consumption. Sold by Biery, lVeissport,
and Horn, Lehighton.
TO clear a house of rats, ill the
holes with red pepper and then stand
in the cellar for week and play a base
brum.
At thirty-fve the average American
| discovers that he has an internal stom-
ach. and so goes to the hands of the
! doctors for the remnant of his life.
| Prevention is better than cure, but DR..
Walkers California Vinegar Bitters
will both cure and prevent dyspepsia,
diseases of the skin, liver, kidneys, and
all disorders arising from bad blood.
"A procession of old maids and
bachelors always marches in single file.
An open q ,eslion-are you going to
let ME in?
For lame back, side or chest, use
Shiluh's Porous Plaster. Price 25 cts.
Sold by c. T. Horn and W. f. Biery.
-"School Smls,'' adyertises a cloth
ing house. 1t may suit the parents, but
] we violate no confidence IN saying lhal
vacation suits the average small DO,
l better.
The President of the Cambridge
Mass, Fire ms. Co. recommends Hood,
Sarsaparilla as a building up anl
strengthening remedy.
The crop of corn on the cob will b,
immense. The crop on the hoof is alsC
painfully large.
Hop Plosters cure pain and disease
when other remedies fail. Always
soothes and strengthens.
/ Ordinary m6rtals try 20 throw o
had impressions printers don't
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

Allow cough to run until it gets be-
yond the reach of medicine. They Of
ten say. Oh, it will wear away, but in
most cases it wears them away. Could
they be induced to try the successful
medicine called Kemp's Balsam, which
We sell OF positive guarantee to cure.
they would Immediately see the excel
lent effect after taking the first dose,
Price SOC and $l00. Trial size free
Sold by I. d. Thomas, Lehighton and
w. Z, Biery, Weissport.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

When aunts make their way into a
cellar, little quieklime placed at the
spot where they enter will destroy them.
-Cockroaches have a decided dislike
to boraX, and if it is placed around their
haunts, they will leave at once, Pow
dered borax should be used.
Group, whooping cough and bronchi-
It's Immediately relieved by Shiloh's
Cure. sold by Horn, Lehighton, and
Biery, IVeissport. COW
One spoonful of coal tar to a peck
of seed corn will prevent crows from
pulling up the corn.
Coal tar will have no effect on the
potato bug. 1t will preserve shingles,
if put on as they are laid, but pitch tar
thinhed with oil and mixed with paint
is much better.
CatarIh cured, health and sweet
breath secured, by Shiloh's Catarrh
Remedy Price so cents. Nasal injec-
lor free. Sold 10y DR.. c. r. Horn, lie,
highton, and w. f, Biery, IVeissport.
Grass stains come out best by usins
an application Of soda and soap. We
the spot, rub over it soap made soft in
warm water, and as much common bak
ing soda as will adhere; let it remain OF
the stain half an hour or more, theI
wash out IN warm water Whiting anC
soap will also remove grass stains.
~ Subscribe ior the AD
yooATE, only 81 per year.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
Pilesl PILES u piles m

Sure cure for blind, bleeding and
itching piles. One box has cured tn,
worst case of 20 years standing. No on,
need suffer FIVE minutes after using
Williams Indian Pile Ointment. 1t alb
serbs tumors, allays itching of the pri
vate parts, nothing else. Sold by drug
gists and mailed on receipt of price, 81
Williams Mfg. Co., Prop's., Cleveland
.. Sold at Thomas drug store.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
Z Walking skeleton.

Mr.. L. Springer, of Mechanicsburg.
Pa, writes: ~ was afflicted with lung
fever and abscess on lunge, and reduced
to walking skeleton. Got free trial
bottle Of DR. Kings New Discovery for
consumption, which did me so much
good that bought dollar bottle. After
using three bottles, found myself once
more a man, completely restored
bealth, with a hearty appetite, and a
gain in flesh of IS lbs"
Cali at Thomas drug store and get a
free trial bottle of this certain cure for
alllungs diseases. Large bottles 81.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
MISCELLANEOUS.

"A Chicago boy swallowed some
needle seven years ago, and they are
just working out of his calves. We
knew fellow who swallowed some
green apples when he was a boy, and
they never worked out of him. He is
just as green now as he was thirty years
nao.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

"A Boston paper suggests vaccina-
tion as a cure for loud talking at the
aters. This would not effect a perma-
nent cure unless the tongue was re-
moved about three feet from the mouth
when the operation is performed.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

The penny is not in circulation at
Atlanta, Ga. A prominent business
man of that city says that the merchants
arc opposed to its introduction there,
because they would then have to sell
for only two cents what now brings
nickle.
The traitor who is expected to be
loyal to both sides the arbitrator.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

-"1 have been troubled with liver
complaint, kidn " disease ard bad blood
for long time. have used Simmons
Liver Regulator, and it has done me
more good than all the medicines I ever
took. GEO II: PRATT,
U. S. Dep'y Col. "a Dist Ga"
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10

"A lady died in Cambridge. Mass,
who was SO much in love with her fam
lily name, made her lover change his to
IL, before she would marry him.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
'IE:yHIEYsysls :
How Lost, How Restored!

just published, q rev edition Of DIR
CULVRRwELL's CELEBRATED ESSAY
On ths radical cure OF SPERMAToRRHGA or
Seminal Weakness. Involuntary Seminal
LossEs, IHPOTKNoY, Mental and Physical
IRcspaeiiv. lmpediments 10 Marriage, etc /:
als0, CoEsUAPTIoN, EP.LEPsY and FRS, in
duced by srlf indulgence ,or sexual extraYa
ganoe. 30.
The celebrated author, in this admirable
essay, clearly demonstrates from thirty
years successful practice, that the alarming
consequences of self abuse may be rsdi'ally
cured pointing out q mode of cure III once
simple, certain. aud slieetual, ..by means Of
which every sufferer. ne matter what hiF
condition may be, may eure himself cheap
ly, privately aud radically.
MD-This Lecture should be in the hands
Of every youth aud every man in the land,
Sent under seal, 10 plain envelope. 10
sny address, on reheipt Df four eeuts, or two
postage stamRs. Address
The CULVERWRLL AEDICAL CO..
Al Anh st., New York, Y.
Post 0faos Bsa. 4se, may2s ly
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
a Perfeot Cure,

and have not been troubled since. -
7. W. Boldly, River at, Lowell. Mass.
I was troubled with Boils, and my
health was much impaired. began
using Ayers Sarsararilla, and, in due
time, the oruptions all disappeared, and
my health was completely restored. -
John r.. Elldns, Editor Stanley Observer,
Albemarle, N. G.
Twas troubled, for long time, witt
humor which appeared, on my face in
ugly Pimples and Blotches Ayers Sar-
saparillo cured me. lconsider il the best
blood purifier in the world. = Charles II.
Smith, North Craftsbury, VT.
Ayers S aYs aparlIla
Is sold by all druggists. Ask for Ayers
Sarsaparilla, and do not bo persuaded TO
take any other.
Prepared by DR.. j. @. AVER s. Co., Lowell, Mas
Price 81; six bottles, So.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1886-04-10
WITHOUT SUFFERING q
OPIUM,

Users Of opium, are yoH aware that DR. Leslie
L. Keeleys " DOUBLE CnIIElpE or GoLD' viii
cure the worst Of this terrible habit IN from
ing. Unlike other 60 called painless antiaotes,"
it contains not one particle Of opium. Or
while rapidly reducing his moTphiuc down %
nothing Is abc to attend 10 his ordinary bnshses
and enjoys life as be has not done Fince Seesnhing
the Opium or Morphine Habits. Srrd for FsEay
on the Opium Habit FREE, or for iir. Leslie v.
Reeley's new work. "Opium: its Ure Ahuae and
Cure" sent FREQ on application. IL Ia the most
complete and cem reh snsiye work ever published
on the subject. aud gives full Hetlons for sen
euro at home. Address or call on
THE LESLIE L. KDELEY CO.,