Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-06-24
LEADING A CALF.
a Pleasant Pastime in Which tho Anima
Played the Winning Hand.

AoS 80 tA0 Winning hAH0s
(Which would you rather do" said
my wife. '.lead the calf to water, or
milk the cowp" With the alacrity of q
man who sees chance to drive a good
bargain, responded by starting for the
calf-shed. and began to unite the ami
NAL. Then. for the first time. began
to have misgivings. Accustomed to
look for cyclones among the clouds, I
surveyed the calf with an eye to discov-
ering his bad points. He had very
mild eye, and seemed to be well built,
but there was an undefnable twist in
his tail that looked ominous.
There was a party of young people
playing croquet in the yard, and | was
imbued with the feyerish hope that the
calf would do nothing rash. had al
ways borne an excellent reputation for
sobriety and decaxslm, and intended to
impress the calf with the dignity that
befitted the occasion. Toying with the
knot in the rope awhile. to establish
confidential relations. united the fast
ening and stepped quickly into
the open air Stepping on
the softest spots of the earth,
to avoid attracting the attention of the
croquet players, I endeavored to gain
the shelter of the hay-stack unobseryed.
No such false delicacy disturbed the
calf; one glance at the croquet grounds
gave him the key to the situation. He
knew his time had come for going on n
strike The crook in his tail became
more marked. and terrific bawl es-
capped him. In vain I tried to look at
ease and appear not to be responsible
for the actions of that calf. [ found
myself in the same position as the true
laboring man did when the Anarchists
appeared on the Scene-we were tied to-
gether; | was for law and order. but the
calf waved the red flag, his Joints were
no longer pliable, but with stiffened
legs he moved back and forth in kind
of hobby-horse polka, and beloved his
own accompaniment. Iwasn' t pleased,
but I smiled kind of seasick smile,
and carelessly held the rope in one
hand. I examined the surrounding
landscape very intently, and paid no at
tention to the calf, which thought was
the proper thing to do, and indicated
that every thing was progressing finely.
But the Jersey would not be ignored.
Hosting his tail like flagstaff on the
stern of an ocean steamer, he boited
the convention. I merely said me,
too and then followed in his wake.
Foreseeing an approaching crisis, I
had marked out the path / should
choose if worst came to worst. But l
found | was not in tow of that kind OF
a steamer, neither was [ the pilot on
that excursion, and the calf seemed to
have shipped his rudder before we left
the harbor. Without looking, became
conscious that croquet no longer pos
sessed attractions for the players the
grand calf reverse waltz eciipsed all
other displays. I had lost my temper
and several buttons trying to keep at
the head of the procession, when sud-
denly the calf stopped short went on
the length of the rope, when 1 stopped.
too. nv neck cracking like whipeord.
The calf had evidently halted to stay. SO
great rolls of skin up around
spine like cat in back
fence duet; then he became face
tious and wagged his head from side to
side, and ran out his tongue at me.
The rope was cracking with the strain
when he beloved for me to get out Of
the way; [ wasn't braced in the right
direction, and when he started laid
down on my back to rest The calf,
under the impression that I wasn't COM
ing, Jumped on to me to wake me up,
then started for the croquet grounds.
His impressions were not correct. The
rope was now firmly wrapped around
my wrist, and [ went along.
The calf didn' pay half as much at
tentlon to me as I did to him. He
scooped the first two arches at one shot,
while [ was pulling up the stake; then
I caromed hard against the ''basket,
and when he made the turning stake
scraped up the remaining wickets with
nv legs. This made us both ''rovers,
and it became "go as you please"
with the Jersey a ropes length in the
lead.
I still tried to appear unconcerned,
and when I plowed up a furrow with
my nose that would have done credit to
a sixteen-inch breaking plow, I actually
tried to whistle strain of Home,
Sweet Home" Incidents of lifetime
might pass through the mind of a
drowning man, but [ had no time for
such foolishness. I couidn't form more
than half thought before I'd be jerked
beyond it. [ tied a can to dog s tail
once, and sympathetic feeling for the
can fitted across my BRAIN as we sped
along. The path we made was no
wider than that of an ordinary cyclone,
and resembied the track of steam
pillow at Il country fair.
We passed through field of buck
wheat and reduced the owners thresh-
ing bill half an acre, I at all times
maintaining respectful distance of a
ropes length in the rear of the calf. |
never was proud, and knew my place IN
this instance.
NV Journey was now almost ended.
L had had a stormy passage. and the
sight of haven cheered my soul We
were fast approaching a clothes-iine
that hung in graceful festoons from
pole to pole,'' adjusted at proper
distance from the ground. The calf
with systematic cussedness first dragged
me through half-dried slough. then
made straight for the line. which he
cleared at one bound. leaving me hang
ing bv the chin When l was fully
drv, some friends came and hurried
me back home. At last accounts the
calf was still going. I am now on my
third bottle of arnica, and pass my
time on stretcher swung from the
rafters. with my toes barely touching
the floor. have lost all my relish for
1oal r,ias -Goy. Peck's Sun