Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1886-10-21
.-SnnhRaIlS
Made of Orleans-Tafy.

Trade winds-Drummers' remarks.
A cross old bachelor suggests that
births should be announced under the
head of new music.
A voice comes from Arizona saving.
"Send us wives" and thousand nm
happy Benedicts respond, Take oursl'
Our religious editor wants any young
lady who Jumps at conclusions to.
consider him conclusion" Anorphan
is preferred.
Nice life married man leads when
every time he asks his wife for cup of
tea he knows she'll make it hot for
him.
The backbone of Summer may not be
exactly broken but it is hunting for a
cooler place and with some show of
success.
ave been digging over my garden"
"Ahr' remarked Fogg; "a new variety
of earthen ware, eh ?"
Lessons in manners: Small boy
ana, pass the bread" Ma, sternly-
"lf what, my sonY' Small boy, smartly
-"If you can reach it, ma"
Citizen Ito bartender) -" What effect
does this closing on Sunday have on
your buSinessw Bartender" 1t gives
us too much to do Saturday night"
When man was Dragging about his
tortoise shell cat that could do so many
tricks, another inquired who tortoise
shell cat to perform in that way.
Business men who marry their type
writer girls are apt to find that the
young women are not so ready to sub
NIT to dictaton after the wedding.
Some one says an umbrella will last
far longer If, when wet, it is placed
handle downward" This recipe may
be very good, but locking it UP will
make it last longer.
The body of a human being contains
over two pounds of lime. That of a
politician will average about four
pounds when his character has been
thoroughly whitewashed,
Old gentleman Ito boys)-" Aren't
you boys rather old to be playing so
childish game as mumbe-the-bag
One of the boys" We're playing for
twenty-five cents game"
Not wisely, but too well. "What's
home rule, John" asked his wife at tea.
, "tliat the papers talk of so?" John
, looked as sad as he could be and groaned
in utter misery" l wish | didn't know"
, The little one, being guest of her
grandma, had been literally feasted.
). when second dish of pudding came
" | IN nnlyinn OF tho or d;ob ola
D exclaimed with sigh, "Gran'ma i wish
, was twins"
( "My dear, its. going to rain again."
O. "What makes you think so, Mr.. Dusen-
. berry?" "Because my bunions ache"
. "For shame, Mr. Dusenberry! You are
;" at the tablep' "Humph! So are my
h bunions.'
It There Is girl in this town who has
II only been in this country three months
q aud she can speak the English language
:, fuently, 1t coming TO her naturally
from wearing bugles made Of English
I speaking newspapers
= If st. Peter nero to come down an.
receive the appO..,eu ~. ot New Yor
d commissioner OF Public Works how tn
o opposition papers would revive thu
= rooster story. Perhaps it is just a
. well that ST. Peter is already provided
I for.
The general belief that home is n
s lonely place without mother we reckon
1 Is why 80 many newly-narried y0ul
!. mothers aspire to be mothers. If therc
:, anything killing to woman it's being
alone and not having anything to ta,.i
o to.
A fashion writer says that dresses are
r to be full this year. We prefer th
It full. The idea of dress empty is ridi q
q lous in the extreme. We should H.;
to know what satisfaction ii would Z
B to young man to hold an empty dre5j
IS on his lap.
Il As the happy couple were leaving the
& church, the husband said to the part
y Of his welded life: Marriage M
1 seem dreadful thing to you. WI
!. you were all OF tremble and one co,
10 hear you say, i will" IL shall hi
le more courage and say it loader ne
H. time" returned the blusliing bride.
no The stories Of the exquisite instir
he of brute creation were rather knocl
in the head recently in Iowa wher
feroci0us bull dog bit man in the c
of his wooden leg The leg was of p. r
and the dogs teeth sank into 1t deep
re He wooden let 90. in fact until they
an pried him away. sn
re "Depend on 1t, ladies and gentlemeh,
IN said MIR. Richards, at the close OF .
es speech at S0uthend. ave should noy,
No have heard Of Mr.. Gladstone IL 1t
10 not been for his father And 1t is saA!
III that Mr.. Richards was unable to under
ir, stand why the audience roared.
Vs. Mrs. Bullion to the principal of tho
be school attended by her daughter: "Dear
% Madam-My daughter, Clarice, inform
'c me that last year she was obliged
Is study vulgar fractions. Please do no
he let this happen again. If the deal
nd child must study fractions let them b(
ea as refined as possible
- A teacher in one of our grammar
y, schools was giving his class a lesson o:
all the art Of putting words into sentences
IN The words elected, with their deiml
ire tions, were acqueduct, conductor
w., and "effervese, to work" One OF tn
~ sentences handed in read: My fathr
90, is an acqueduct and has to efferyes
full very hard.
eir Mrs. b. Is one of those energetic
quick motioned women who carr
their work by assault. One day 81
ute had started across the room on sou
om errand, but midway forgot whatit wa
V "What was going for?' she ask
lot aloud. Two years old, seated on q
, of floor and always liable to be swept /
ON in one of the mothers hurricane pas
low ages, asked meekly; "Was- -oo--go
~ ~" for mep"
.uo Moses and Isaac Rabbenstein we
'ds- sitting In the back part OF Isaac's ste
in talking, when there came u jar TO I.
ON building, "Mein Kott. Izig,"' exclaim
md Moses rising In terror; "led us r
'.1 oud." "Pekvied Moses: watts de M 3
hts der wild ~ said Isaac angrlly. I"