New-York tribune., 1886-01-23
4 YERSIBLE DTCROPHONE.

An instrument that will make the y walk OF q 1y
seem like the tramp of elephant is something OF
a marvel even in this day of surprises. Such an
instrument the micrOphone ls said to be. The point
has not been clearly demonstrated but 1T is reason
able TO suppose that like the telescope this wonder
fnl invention is reversible. If it is not, it is
mistake IL is behind the age. and the man who
devoted his years to its perfection has wasted his
time There's too much fuss in the world already,
and people are not going fret themselves TO death
to increase the babel What the great American
public now demands is IA dmlnishcr OF sound, not
q magnifer Is the mcrophone a diminIsherf III
it makes the walk of a fly seem like the tramp OF
an elephant uocs it also, by changing ends make
the tramp of the elephant seem like the walk OF
u hyl BY putting the eye to the small end OF the
telescope gets a near view OF distant OBJECTS
and by looking through the large end Bees near
objects at "A distance, mellowed, as it were, into
kind Of enchanting indistlnctncSs. Now, persons
who heard festive occasions the tread OF the late
lamented Jumbo did not perceive even Ill 1t much
enchantmcnt or indistlnctnc,s. OF course the
mcrophOne would have made every football of that
lordly brute sound like the boom of Krupp gun,
which would not have been pleasant at close
quarters. and, on the other hand, if reversible.
would have made tine patter of his pedal eNtrenticS
fall upon the ~ gently as dew falls upon the
mown grass.
II the mcrophone, therefore, is surely reversible
il is hey Dnd doubt an instrument OF < eat possib-
ties and the inventor is entitled not only to his
reward IN this world bat 10 large amount Of con-
sidcration in the next Let us note some OF its
uses What father would bo without onci by
adjusting il to his in the witching hour OF
night when all tho house is aroused by the howiing
of an obstrcpcrous chip OF the Old block, he can
sleep on IN peace The niantiie blasts from the
d. s.sfan
OF dove The feline rehearsIls on the front stoop
will no more disturb him than the chiTp OF the
cricket on the hearth. and tho cats will become 81
dishcartencd at their irutless appeals Tor boouack
nnnlause that they will go home in respectable
disgust and indefinitely postpone their concert
The matutinal rattle of the milkmans cans Will
seem like tne tntinuabulatOns of some modern
backyard poet and "Salathlel; saiathel! lou
Salathiell get up and start the lrc " will lncline
him To dream of angel voices.
I'm the regular use of the reversible microphonc
care would have to be observed in its adjustment,
for if by mistake the wrong end should be applied
10 the ear the shock wonld be tremendous Imagine
"A score or more OF elephants pranolng mp ana down
tho window pane. Or, to get nearer home THINK Oh
one or two OF the beasts tramping prrsistenty over
the bridge of your nose while you lie abed IN the
morningl OF course they woull not he real
will stand a real live cephant-but one would rs
soon be killed rs frightened to death. And nobody
will deny that a common house fly with the tramp
Of an elephant is not to be sneczcd at-when he gets
on ones nose. The mosquito, being just now oat oil
season should, perhaps. not he moiestcd by unklnd
allusions; but if il were July and you could
micrnphone one of the foreigners" as he sings yon
awake about midnight, 1t would be clearly dcnon-
strated that the gentleman from Jersey has voice
e1ual 10 somo half dozen wild Western tornadoes.
OF course his approach under such circumstances
wot Id mean a pr. cipltate departure for the collar
gut such calamItes as these would IN short
whilo be looked upon cOncOmltants OF this
enlightened civilization and attract no more notice
than stcdmboat collision or dynamite explosion.
At any rate. an occasional verdict OF " death from
accidental mcrophonng" should not deter tho
pnblic from using an instrument which, when
nroperiy applied. would make the tramp of an
elephant seem like tho walk Of fly; or turn an
ear.splitting chorus into solo,