Sierra County advocate. [volume] (Kingston, N.M.) 1884-1960, 1886-10-02
BROTHER GARDNER.
The Iimrkiin club Sage's Views on Matri-
monial Afiairs.

monial Aifairs.
Brudder Amibad Cantilever, it am
reported DAT You am about to take un-
to vcrsclf wife. Dat de report am
true Your recent ackshuns am proof.
You has bin seen pricin' second
hand stoves, squintin At 10 dollar bed
room sweets an rustlin aroun' arter
bric-a-brac. Marriage am muffin you
need be ashamed Of, AN ! reckon YOU
kin depend on dis club to warm up de
house fer you an leave behind some
hard rd-bottomcd cheers an n few articles
of tinwarc.
Brudder Cantilever, marriage am a
lottery or dcad-sure thing list as
YOU make it. If YOU git stuck on sight
fall in luv wild a gal fur her small
feet, tapcrin' waist, dimpled chin or
warbin' mouf, an marry her oil-hand
at about twelve weeks notis, you
needn't be astonished if dar am dyna-
mite 'Sploshun afore You hey bin
hitched week. Small feet an Il good
temper doan' allus 60 together. Slim
waists an kitchen economy may not
work in de same harness. DE gal who
charms You by de way she drums de
pianncr may ilatly refuse, rs a wife, to
run dem same fingers obcr de wash
bod. Firstly, doan' git married until
you know what you are bein' jined to.
Study de gal. Let de feet 90 an watch
her temper. Let de bangs 90 an
watch her economy. Nebbcr YOU mind
about de way she dimplcs her chin, but
Az Verself if she II make de bed wild de
foot lower dan de head. lou has got
to do all de studyin'. No one gal out
of thousand eber stops to size up II
luver. If his Grecian nose or curly ha'r
or droopin' mustache strikes her fancy
she'll nebber stop to study his natur
nor to worry obcr his habits. She is
marryin' dat nose, or head. or mus
tachc A month arter marriage, when
he hauls her aroun' by de hair an slaps
her dmplcd jaw she perfectly aston
ishcd to think she made sich mis-
take.
Secondly, Brudder Cantileyer, arter
de knot has bin tied, make up yer mind
dat de fucher won't be all plain sailin'.
You are gwinc to be tried an tested an
trubblcd, an you hev to call up all yer
manhood. You will har de sasscr
Scrapin de bottom oh de Hour bar
when You heve'nt got a cent in yer
pocket De woodpile will run out in
Jinuary, an de sugar an de bacon will
seem to be car led off by de rats. If
yer wife am cher so good-natured she
will hev her trials an tribulashuns, an
dar may be times when she II riz up an
claw fur you. In de Vars gone by my
ole woman has rushed upon me wild dc
rollin' pin, an has retortcd in way
to make her ears ache, but all de time
| knowcd she was savin' an good-hcart-
ed, an she knowod I'd empty my pock-
cts of de las shillin to buy her new
set of false frizzes. If You am suited to
each oddcr an occashunal row in dc
fam ly will prove stickin' plaster to
hold you de clusser together. If you
amt suited-if You diskiyer dat you
hev struck n patch of Canada thistles
an can't sot still, an if de odderparty
diskivers dat she has taken a tumble
of de monument of Romance an
brought up wild thud in de mudhole
of Reality, you jist absquatulate apart.
Go quietly an decently and get on
hitehcd by divorce, and let de wisdom
gained by experience stan at yer right
hand when ye make anoder choice.
Brudder Cantilever, my feelin's an de
fcelin's of dis club am wild We, an our
good wishes, together wild at least two
dollars wurth of tinwarc, kin be count
ed on whcncbcr de fatal occashun ar
ravne - DofrojJ Er,a pl<Sg