The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-12-09
HUMOR.

is expensive.
The pummel-logical is the most fruit
full of professions.
WHO is the burglars best friend?-
His faithful Jimmy.
Ir is wrong to speak of respect
able" embezzler as good man gone
wrong" He is a bad man found out
Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.
LADY (to servant whom she is about
to engage)-These are my conditions;
do they suit you? Servant-H'm, I'll
see. / always take ladies on trial.
WITH flowers and fruits
And smiling skies
Mosquitoes come,
And also flies.
boston Courier.
No, MY son, they are not called grass
widows because they are so green; it's
because they are 50 fresh. and then,
beside, she's not exactly in the moved.
Savvy, son ?-Burdette
TOBACCO blindness is said to be on
the increase. still we have never found
any friend of ours to he ficted with
it when we have incautiously left
choice cigar exposed in our vest pocket.
-TeraS SDtings.
"DocToR," said patient, II suffer a
great deal with my eyes" The old
gentleman adjusted his spectacles, and
replied: II don't doubt it, my friend;
but then you ought not to forget that
you would suffer great deal more
without them"
THE plaster form of man on his
hands and knees has been nodded in
the ashes in Pompeii. 1t is supposed
that when the calamity overlook the
city the man was on his hands and knees
looking for collar button under the
dressing-table.
these are extrsvagant days we live
in" said Mrs. Crimsonbeak TO her
husband, after they had been APP
preached by their son for fresh lin
ing for his pocket book. eyes, and
that probably accounts for their getting
shorter you know" replied the ever
jocular man. onkers Statesman.
"THEY's going to be something the
matter with my big brother Jim next
week" said 6-year-old child to her
| teac her. Indeed" said the teacher,
"what Is going to be the matter with
Jim?" Hes going to get married;
that's what's going to all him." was
the surprising reply.-Detroit Free
Press.
An Austin poet entered the sanctum
of the Crosby County Clarion and
| Farmers indicator and said TO the
editor, Col. Snort: "iiere is little
gem I've just dashed off, Read it and
give me your candid opinion about it,"
Col. Snort took the gem, and after
reading it over said: at is very deli
cate matter for me to give an opinion.
You see, if / say it is no good, you will
not believe it; and if L say it is good,
I'll not believe it myself The best
way for me to do is not to express any
opinion at all. don't care to commit
myself. "-Teras SUtings.
FEMININE soLILooUY.
Why is the world 80 fair to-day?
Why do feel SO biithe and gay,
AS through tho throng pick my way?
I've got new spring suitl
See how the other women stare
AS go by with jaunty air;
just hear them whisper: Il declare,
She's got new spring suti'
See how the men, IA they pass by,
Look at me with admiring eye.
To-day all rivals | defy
In my brand-new spring suit.
Why is my husbands face so glump
I'll toll you why-but keep it muml
He's thinking that next week will como
The bill for my new spring suit.
Well. must 60 Good-by! On, say,
II you see Mollie West to-day
just tell her. in quiet way,
I've got Il new spring suit
-Somerrille Journal.
"VAsILIEvITcH," said the Car of
Russia to servant the other morning,
shave you looked under the carpet for
nitro-glycerine and examined the hair
brush for dynamite bombs, and tested
the coffee for strychnine, and made the
cook eat part of the rolls, and looked
down cellar for barrels of gunpowder
and sent orders for all the suspicious
persons arrested around the palace
last night to be hung?" "Yes, most
noble sire" answered the attendant.
"Then help me on with my woven
steel-link ulster and call the platoon
of police to escort me across the hall
to the dining-room. There is not much
enjoyment in this kind of life, but I
thank heaven every day now that L
don't live in Chicago. "-Esteiline Bell.