Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-10-27

A bootless task-going barefooted
-Ex.
Wanted by an exchange, a string
of lies for Tyre.
When butcher CANDLES he should
play for large steaks.-Ex.
Why does a mountain look grand
Peak-cause it does.-Washington pa
per.
A Burlington girl, speaking of a
certain youth, says that the only thing
about him that isn't fresh are his
tears.-Burlington Free Press.
Jones.-"What are you wearing
that heavy coat fort Isn't it fear.
fully warm?"
Eli.-"No, the coat isn't very warm,
but / am. Free Press.
"Well, the days are growing short
er and shorter very rapidly, aren't
they"
Guess you'd think so if you had a
note coming due next week as have.
-Ex.
Smith, saw you carrying home
a couple of nice looking watermelons
last night, Brown. How much did
they cost you ?" Brown.-I don't
know yet. The doctor is up at the
house now."- Life.
Papa-"No, my dear, l would not
wear tan-colorcd gloves, they do not
match your dress" His heiress-
"Dear me neither they do (brighting)
but then, you know, papa, l can get a
dress and wrap and bonnet and a
parasol to match the gloves. New
York Graphic.
81 would like to talk to you about
business"
Every well sir, what do you want ?'
"A dime to get drink"
"WhY, that's merely trying to beat
your way. That's no business"
eyes it is. It's the only business |
follow."-Texas Siftings.
A brokers' Bible knowledge. Son
was Esau, father y Wall
street broker-"Well, let me see. Oh,
Esau went Short on his birthright
Jacob having 'cornered him, and
'balled' in the 'pottage.' There was
not much left on the market and
ask your mother, boy."-The Judge.
Customer (to bartender)-That's
mighty poor whiskey.
Bartender-You said yesterday it
was mighty good whiskey.
Customer-Yesterday was Sunday,
and l had to work the back door
racket to get in. Any whiskey is
good under such circumstances.-Ex.
Caller-"Ah, is Miss Arabella De
Wolf at home ?"
Bridget (meditatively)-"Sure she
give me very particular orders. She
says if Mr.. Brown calls say I'm not
at home but if Mr.. Smith calls take
him right in, and I'll be right down.
Now, which one are you, sir?"-Har-
per's Bazar.
Undertaker.-"And what kind of
will you have ON the cas-
ket ?"
Widow.-"None whatever plain
casket. 1t was trimmin's that killed
him."
Undertaker.-"What ?"
Widow.-"Yes. Delirium trim
min's.-Boston Courier.
"Pa, say, is euche real old game p
81 don't know, James; what makes
you ask such question as that while
going home from church ?"
"Well, 1 didn't know, pa. But the
minister he said that when the poor
man couldn't 60 it alone the Levite
he passed and the Samaritan he as
sisted. So 1 didn't know."-Wash-
ington Post.
Grandma-Clara, do you think
your mother would approve of your
sitting up so late?
Clara-Why, grandma, it was only
half-past 10 when Frank left last
evening.
Grandma-Clara, your grandma
happened to be awake just as Frank
was leaving, and didn't she hear him
say "Now, Clara, just one !-Boston
Beacon.
M amie-Now, Tommy, don't be a
pig! You've got my cake and y ours,
too. I'll just run and tell ma.
Tommy-Go on, tatteltale Ma
won't do nothin'.
Mamie-You just bet she will when
l tell her.
Tommy-She won't, neither. Only
this mornin' she told me | always
must take your part. So, smarty :