davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
Lesson In Morality.

''NOw, see heah, you Junius Brutus, you
jes walk turkey ober to dis side OBJ de
structur an splain to yo'r po' but homes
parunt how's 20 kim by dat er squash"
said old Gabe Showdown to his youngest
pickaninny, who had just staggered into
the cabin under the weight of huge cow
pumpkin; Ibid yer confederate dat fraum
dem POI white trash down de road, yo' son
of Belias.''
"Wuli, jest did, daddy, an creeped er
long er half mile in de shade oh de fence or
comm home, cos de sun am po' full hot ter
day."
''Huh! Go laung, yer good-fer. nothin'
niggah. I jes ergusted with yer. Hain't
yer ole daddy tole yer often enuff dat no
homes niggah evan totes hum fixins at dis
time or day?"-TrGuclers' Magazine.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
THE COCA SHRUB.

The Introduction of Cocaine Into Euro
pean and American Practice.
Cocaine is an alkaloid extracted from
the leaves of the erythroxylon coca, a
shrub that resembles the tea-plant, and
grows wild in South America. The
value of the coca leaves as a nerve
stimulant has long been known to the
natives of the mountainous regions of
Peru and Bolivia, where the plant grows
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07

Texan papers are speaking of the
late George Eliot as ''a gifted, but very
immoral man." Yes, poor fellow! he
had his weakness, but as pugilist he
stood unrivaled. England will not soon
forget his celebrated mill on the Floss. -
Chicago TribW'se.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
THE GABLE END

Of his well-flled barn. 1t u.s. howe yer, in
the livestock department that he shines pre-
eminent, and as we wandered at will among
his sleek-coated Jerseys and well-groOmed
horses we sighed forth the aspiration that
should it be our lot at the close of this ex-
istence to assume animal shape, we desired
nothing better than to be assigned to such
quarters as those occupied by fine
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
African Malignity.

Jim Webster was heard to express him.
self very strongly in regard to the honesty
of Sam Johnsing.
'.You seem to have a prejudice against
him." remarked Colonel Yerger.
Oats whar you am mistaken. but /
can't spress how much hates him."
''You seem to hate him like poison"
"Wusser den dat l hates him SO dat
when he dies Pse gwinter tend his obsequi-
GUS burial "-Terds Stftings
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
Lost His Mind.

"Old man Pennybunker has married
AGAIN."
s'YOu don't tell me so"
eyes, and he has married right young
girl, forty years younger than he Ia"
ssWell, / declare. His other wife only
died six months ago. and he went on SO at
the grave that l expected that he would
lose his mind"
"Well, you see your prediction has come
to pass" --Ieras Stfttngs.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
THE PUMP
APPLE-PIE.

This closes an interview which will al
ways be connected with pleasant memories
in the future, and lead, we trust. to many
more occasions of the same character
Westchester (Pd.) Republican.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07

"A resident of San Diego, Cal, has
written pamphlet to prove that the
earth is in imminent danger of a second
deluge in 1892
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
FRANkLIN'S WATCH.

A Relic of Long Ago Owned by an Aged
Pennsylvania Farmer.
Levi W. Croft. typical old farmer OF
Lancaster, Penn, shows with pride a
relic of over a century ago, in the shape
of heavy silver watch once worn by
Benjamin Franklin. The watch is of
silver and has an open face, while on
the back is engraved the words:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-07
A Melancholy Heir.

New York Letter to Chicago Times.]
The most astonishing instance of
the unaccounable effect of prosperity
that | have ever seen is that of New
come, the heir to the great Morgan es-
tate. For many years he was hard
working, robust and vigorous plumber,
sturdy, bow-legged and wiry little
man, who kept the mouths of q large
family of voracious children filled by
hammerlng away ten or twelve hours
day. OF late years he has worked
very hard to provide for the increase
in his family and the heavy competi-
ton he has met in his trade. He woke
up one morning somewhat worried
about a grocer's bill of $3.50, and dis
covered that he had just come into
possession or $1,OOO,OOO. The effect
of the fortune upon the Industrious
little plumber has been disastrous in
the extreme. He has settled down in
to q condition of pallid melancholy
which nothing can lift Hisruddy col
or is gone and he is as white as g.
spoOk. More than this, his face has
taken on a, panied and harassed look,
and he exhibits a nervous haste IN his
movements which is almost pitiful.
Along with the vast fortune he inher-
tied al of Mrs. Morgan's family
coaches and, being a conscientious
man, he drives resolutely in them
every afternoon, the picture of over
awed and plaintive discomfort. He
still hangs about the gallery where the
magnificent art treasures of Mrs. Nor
gan were exhibited, with his hands
thrust deep in his trousers pockets,
his head hung forward and his eyes
looking uneasily about. Once in q
while he exchanges a few words with
the porter of the place, but, as a rule,
he seems TO be continually i'll at ease.
His good fortune has completely un-
nerved him.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-07
An Iron Saw.

A saw without teeth that will cut a
steel rail in two minutes is in opera
tion at the Central Hudson shops in
Greenbush, n. Y. The saw is 1un by q
9O-horse power engine, more power
than is required to run all the other
machinery IN the shops, and is thirty
eight inches in diameter, and three
eighths of an inch thick at the edge.
The disk is made of Bessemer steel,
and runs at a very high rate of speed.
While in operation band of fire en-
circles the saw, and the many sparks
flying from the revolving disk resemble
a display of pyrotechnics. To keep
the saw cool and prevent it from
cracking, tank of water is placed
above the machine, from which small
stream runs down and drops on the
saw while in motion. By this plan
one saw will cut nearly 5000 rails be-
fore it is worn out. A steel rail, after
about six years constant use, becomes
battered at the ends, and by cutting
them off the rails can be used in
branch and switch tracks. Rails are
cut by this machine for the whole line
OF the Central Hudson Railroad. The
saw, while cutting, bears. down hard
on the rail, the end of which is left as
smooth as the bottom of fat-iron.
One remarkable thing about the ma
chine is that the chips cut from the
rail fly back under the saw with such
force as to form g. solid piece of steel
nearly as firm as the rail itself.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-07
PERSONAL POINTERS.

Miss ALMA TADEMA has written q
novel, cloves Martyr"
SAMUEL j. TILDEN has ordered his
yacht, the Viking, to be put in trim for
a trip.
OSCAR WILDE and his wife are COM
| ing to America soon, but he will not
lecture.
G. p. HUNTINGTON, the great railroad
magnate, was once g. farm hand on a
Connecticut homestead.
SIR CHARLES dixie lives in the old
home of Charles Reade, called by the
latter "Naboth's Vineyard"
IT is said that Bismarck is so fond OF
his own freside that he never leaves
it to enjoy the hospitality OF others.
His own hospitality is exceedingly gen
erous, and he is a very entertaining
host.
THE new chapel to be built in South
Bethlehem, Pa, by Mrs. Mary
Packer Cummings in honor other faith
er, the late Asa Parker, will cost
100000. The stone tower will be
ITO feet high.
GAMBETTA's new monument in Paris
comprises O. pyramid, on which is
raised a group in bronze representing
''Le Triomphe de la Democratic. 1t
is to be given over by its makers to the
people of Paris on the French Fourth
of July July 14) next year.
WHILE ex-Gov. Hoyt lectured at AL
lentown, Pa, the other night, one of
the audience counted the number OF
times the ex-governor took off his eye
glasses, and reported the total at
ninety-four times during an hour and
about the Allentonian did not know.
WHEN w. S. Gilbert was in America,
he met q fashionable lady who, after
dabbling in music matters wound up
by asking him whether "Batch" was
composing anything just now. "No,
madame" Mr.. Gilbert replied,
"Batch' hasn't composed anything
for years. He's decomposingiustno now"
WHEN I am through, says Gov.
Robie of Maine, shall have served
seven years at Augusta-four years as
governor and three years in the coun-
Gil, without q break. My previous
nine years in the legislature make a
total of 16 years of duty. That's
dOOuU OIOCS1. Ul1lI1h 1uu LILY WIG
will 60 to Europe again, next year.
and take long rest.
THE trustees of Mount Moriah Come
terry, Philadelphia, have presented the
trustees of the Mccullough monument
fund with q beautiful plat of ground
thirty feet square, as burial placefor
John Mccullough and his family. The
offer has been accepted by Mrs. Nc
Cullough and the trustees, and the
body of the tragedian will be buried
there as soon as vault can be built.
"Poor CARLoTTA, the once beauti-
full Empress of Mexico, is reported as
nearing the close Of her tragic career
at the old castle of Bouchot, near
Brussels. Happily, the tragedy which
eighteen years ago blighted her life and
darkened her reason, left her no re-
membrance O. horrors through
which she had passed, and she has
dwelt since in an imaginary world OF
regal magni6cence.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-07
The Champion Lazy Man.

The champion lazy man, writes
Clara Belle, lives across the street
from me. have watched him on and
off now for months, and he is the only
man I ever knew who didn't do any
thing at all. It is true that he filed
his nails once, but he looked at them
for hours at a time every day for a
week before he began the work, and
then he was the greater part of anotb-
er week getting them in shape. Since
that time he has been placidly admir-
ing them whenever | have glanced
across the way at him. He is large,
fat, and heavy-eyed, and I don't think
hegoes out of the house once month.
He has the appearance of perfect
health, and about the only exercise he
takes is that involved in the move
ment of turning his head sideways so
that he can look out of the window.
He lives in the front window of his big
house-he is a widower and man of
large means-whereh he has constructed
curious sort of q divan. The low
window-sill has been widened and ex-
tended and heaped with cushions and
rags. Two iron arms or brackets ex-
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-07
Rats in the Poultry Yard.

From the Field, Farm and Stockman.l
Any attempts to catch rats by traps,
or by poisoning them suddenly, will
fail. Old rats know too much, and
can only be caught by kindness. To
destroy them give them a good meal
every day. Do not put any poison
in the food, but simply prepare dish
for them daily, as a free lunch, COM
posed OF corn meal, moistened with
milk. into which an egg and a little
salt Ito season. has been beaten. At
first they may not touch it, but keep
it before them, making it fresh daily.
They will soon try little, and if not in
furious, their suspicious will be allayed.
In q week or ten days they will begin to
expect it, and every rat will be at
the appointed place for the treat.
Give them plenty of it, so as to induce
all the rats in the neighborhood to join
in. Do not be in a hurry to poison
them. If they eat all the food, give q
larger quantity next time. As soon
as they have thrown off all suspicion
go To your druggist, get some phos-
phorus paste or other rat poison, mix
it with the food, and be sure yot give
them enough and something to spare,
so as to induce all to eat. They will
either be killed or become SO suspicious
of all other food as to leave, and not
g. rat will remain. Hence, to destroy
rats, take plenty of time, gain their
confidence, and finish them when they
least expect it.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-07
She Got Acquainted.
From q st. Paul Letter.

"Hold on to the young man in
front" said a young lady's escort, as
they seated themselves on the tobog-
gan. "But l don't know him.
"Well, take hold and get acquainted. !"
"Sirl" said the Puritanical miss, with
an offended look. Her escort chuckled
and dropped the conversation. The
toboggan started. "Oh my !" squealed
the nervous young lady, taking a very
light hold of the blouse of the young
man in front. The escort chuckled a
little more and the toboggan flew
faster. AS the sled struck the level
the young lady bobbed into the air
She threw her arms around the neck
of the young man in front and chung to
him like well-licked postagestamp to
q letter. When the toboggan came to
a stand-still the young lady was still
tightly clasping the stranger. "Well,
did you get acquainted 2" inquired her
escort with grin. 'sYou horrid
thing!" was her only answer.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-07
Relief in Death.
Iron the Estelline Bel. I

Iron the Estelline Bell
A well, dressed and distinguished
looking gentleman rapidly approached
g. pier at Chicago, looked around wild
ly and plunged head-frst into the
water and disappeared from view.
''For Heavens sake!" cried q man
who had witnessed it, rushing up to a
policeman, "didn't you see him?"
''Yis, sor."
"Arn't you going to try to save
him ?"
cts no use, sor, they go this way
livery mornin'. They can't help it.
Cant help it? What do you mean,
what have they been doing?"
ooh, they havn't been dom nothin'
sor, but livery day bout so many
jump in. They're the wuns as their
picktures come out in the Chicago pa
pers each mornin' ye see, sor. There
comes another wun now-see, the big
divil on the run wild no hat or coat
an swingin' Nv the newspaper, sor."
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-07
Pocket Money for Wives.

Marion Harland says: eff / were
asked, What is the most prolific and
general source of heart burnings, con-
tent1on, harsh Judgment and secret
unhapplness among respectable mar
r1ed people who keep up the show even
to themselves OF reciprocal affection p
my answer would not halt for an in
slant. 1t has been ready for thirty
years. 1t is the crying need of right
mutual understanding with respect to
the ownership of the family income. y
Ii cases like the following, told in the
Evening Record, are of frequent occur
renee, Marion Harland is probably
right:
The New York Woman Club Sorosia
has been discussing the question wheth-
er or not q wife ought to receive regu-
lar pay Tor her services as housekeep-
er. Women who have to implore
their husbands regularly for current
house expenses will be interested in
the outcome of the debate. A country
lady tells the following story, which
seems to prove that the meanest man
has been found at last:
Zone day | was shopping in our
village store. Anervous, hesitant little
woman who was buying few things,
with her husband at her elbow ready
to pay for them, so that she might
not even touch his money, turned
shyly to her liege lord and said:
"'There's one thing | must have
that didn't put down on the list. ]
forgot it,
"'Forgot it, Umphp growled the
man; what is it?'
"A paper of pins
"'Another paper of pins! Well,
swan! Where's the paper bought for
you last summer %"
This story is absolutely true.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-07
Gen. Hunton Rebuked.
From the Indianapolis Journal.

From the Indianapolis Journal
A famous old ex-confederate general
of Virginia visited the panorama Of
Bull Run in Washington recently,
and, during the talk by the lecturer,
inquired rather harshly where a GER
tain lane was, which hethought should
be discernible on the canvas.
"It is over there, beyond the house,
SIR" politely replied the lecturer.
cit is not" bluntly exclaimed the
old fellow, harshly; 'sI guess [ know
more about that than you do"
eff you know more about it than ]
do, why do you ask me?" the lecturer
inquired.
The famous fighter looked hard at
the Snowman. Finally he Kissed be-
tween his teeth:
"You don't know who I am, do
your"
"No, sir" replied the lecturer.
81 am Gen. Hunton, sir"
"Well, | don't know that there is
anything incompatible about a gen
eral being q gentleman" said the lee.
turer, with an air SO calculative that
the crowd roared with laughter.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-07

tend from either side of the window.
They are designed to hold books. Out
side OF the window and attached to
the easement are mirrors arranged at
such an ang lie that one within the room
may look out and see up and down
the street. There are thick portieres
across the windows. At II O'Clock
every morning a servant draws these
curtains aside, and in about an hour
from that time the champion law
man waddles up to the window and
stares sleepily out on the street. He
usually wears a bath-robe, or dress
1nggown, though his attire is other
wise neat and conventional. He is
then scarcely out of bed until he sinks
at once into his luxurious cushion at
the window. His heavy eyes are
turned upon any object that may in
terest him in the street, and he solemn
ly and soulfully stares at it until the
servant appears with the breakfast
tray. He is too much fatigued to sit
at the table and eat, and so the tray
Is placed beside him and he sits there
and he munches his food lazily for the
next hour. After that he sits and
looks out of the window until it is
time to eat dinner. [ have known
him once or twice to sit up to dinner,
but this IS only on rare occasions.
Regularly every day the carriage comes
around to take him out for drive,
and regularly he stays at home. He
seems to be rather amused, however,
by the horses as they walk up and
down before the house. There are g.
lot OF complacent old family servants
to attend to him. He never goes to
the theater or opera, has no family
ties, and simply lives in solitude and
magnifcence in a big city house and
worshiping but one god-himself. It
isn't particularly noble life, perhaps,
but then he seems to like it, aud
don't know that it is my province to
complain.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-07
The Hairy Covering OF the Gorilla.
[From the Popular Science Montblvl

[From the Popular Science MONTHLY
The hairy coat of thegorilla consists
of long, thick, straight or stiff1y curved
bristles, and also of shorter, thinner,
and curled woolly hair. On the crown
of the head the hair is somewhat stiff,
from twelve to twenty millimetres in
length, and it becomes erect under the
influence OF anger. While the sides
and fore part of the chin are only
clothed with short, stiff hairs, they
grow thickly on the back part of the
chin, like q beard or forelock. The
hairs which turn outward from the
sides Of the face and on the neck are
thirty Or more millimetres in length.
On the shoulders the hair is from one
hundred and thirty to one hundred.
and fifty millimetres long, hanging
down on the upper arms and back.
In the middle Of the upper arm the
hair is from fifty to seventy millimetres
long, growing downward as far as the
bend of the elbow At this point it
generally begins to grow in an upward
direction. On the back of the forearm
it again grows downward. In the mid
die OF the fore arm, on it's inner side,
parting of the hair takes place, as one
portion goes in front Of the radius,
while the other portion turns behind
the ulna. On the back of the wrist
tuft of curved hair turns upward;
middle tuft goes directly back; and
the lower tuft, also curved, turns out
ward. On the back of the hand the
hair turns toward the fingers. On the
breast and belly the hairs are shorter
and grow more sparsely. On the
breast their direction is, as a rule, up
ward and outward. On the belly they
convergefrom the ribs toward the CEN
ter and the navel. On the thighs the
hairs are about one hundred and sixty
millimetres long, and here, as on the
lower part of the leg, they tend out
ward, while on the back of the foot
they grow toward the toes. On the
back, shoulders, and on the thigh and
leg, the bristles are slightly curved.
This quality increases the general i'm
preston of shagginess and feeciness
which is produced by the hairy coat of
these creatures. The woolly hair does
not grow very thick, and is not much
matted
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-07
----------
The Kings English.
From the Philadelphia News. ]

From the Philadelphia News
The correct expression is "King's En-
glish," we nowadays transposing this
to "Queen's, because woman sits on
the throne of England. Many have
ascribed it to q revision of the Bible
ordered to be made by King James,
stating in confederation of the theory
the fact that many people objected
then, as they do to-day, to the new
version on the ground that it con.
tanned many errors, and referred to it
contemptuously as "the Kings En-
glish." Subsequently, it is claimed,
this term came to be used in referring
to all abuses of the English language
/ can, think, show conclusively that
this theory is erroneous. James /
was king from 1903 to 1925, but
Elizabeth was queen from 1858 to
1903, yet we find the term used by
Shakespeare in his CHERRY Wives Of
Wiadsor," which was written during
the Elizabethan period, and, of course
before James was elevated to the
throne. In Act l., scene four, OF the
play have named occurs the words
"Here will be an old abusing of
the Kings English" I am inclined
to the belief that the expression had
it's origin right there in Shakespeare
dau
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-04-07

When asked for his fare the negro re-
piled that he had no money, and he
was told to get off at the next station.
This he did, but waited for the train
to start, and then jumped on between
the mail and express cars. On arrlv-
ing at Englewood the conductor went
forward and ordered him off. Cursing
like a mailman, and vowing he would
ride to Joliet, he got off, but jumped
on the train again.
The conductor started after him on
run through the long train. The
sight Of a negro, with a long knife flash
ing in his hand, pursued by the con-
ductor, frightened the passengers, who
thought it another case OF train rob.
berry. The chase continued to the end
of the train, when the negro rushed
into the kitchen of the dining-room
car, and drove out the cook, and,
with knife in hand, defied his pursuers.
No one dared to enter, and the con-
ductor concealed himself behind a
curtain, where he could hear the negro
sharpening his knife on the stove.
Presently the negro stepped softly
out of the kitchen. He moved toward
the door, passing close to the con-
ductor. AS his hand rested on the
knob he slipped the knife into his
pocket and put his hand on his head
to hold his cap, when the conductor
jumped on him, threw him down, and
with the help of the train men secured
him. The train men brought him
back last night and booked him at the
ArmOry, He could give no explana-
ton except that he was hard up and
wanted ride. Judge Mech expressed
his wish to impose g. heavy fine, but
the assault having occurred outside
the city he could only fine the prisoner
for carrying concealed weapons and
jumping on moving train.