The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-08-12
JACKSON OHIO THURSDAY II, 1886
THE MERRY SIDE I.

The fool-killer is. now doing business at the
Brooklyn bridge.
The dudes are patriotic after all-they want tC
make Logan President.
Sam. Small evidently lies. He says he is "a
Christian and q Democrat"
The Democracy has lost its "sage." 1t must
hereafter be favored with coal-oil.
Cleveland will hide for few days in the
Adirondack swanps. Well, that's right.
It's nip-and-tuck race for the dimes, between
the camp meeting and the platform dance.
-
Samuel J. Tilden is dead-and the Democratic
party is without brains. L never had many.
So
The thing to do with the Oklahoma squatterS
give each a nice residence in the second story
of tree.
A Democratic Administration always leaves
something for its successor to do pass a De
ficiency Bill.
The political dude is like the foolish pup
which, having burned itself, is now trying to
bite of the scab.
The editor of the Gallia Tribune says we
''stand alone" on the Logan affair. That is, the
Tribune is not with us.
Friends, there wasn't any convention of ere
publican Editors at Columbus. The whole
thing was joke.
Says Cincinnati paper "Justice is not dead
in Cincinnati" Oh no, not dead-she's only
been taking opium.
The Pope has sent his blessing to the editor
of Baltimore paper. But it's nothing for an
editor to get blessing.
People are coming to the conclusion that the
Indians should all be put in a reservation-but
they should be killed first.
Halstead might make stronger defense Of
bis record-if he had more room to publish
cards over his own signature.
Many dude who plants himself in the road
to stop team, finds himself desperately clam
bering for seat on the tail-gate.
-
1t is said that old man Payne is quite happy
since the Senate's action. Well, we'd be, too. il
we had hundred million dollars.
In baseball, brick-layers may be considered
the best "batters,' while, judging from the
noise, we should think auctioneers would make
the best captains.
To hear our Democratic exchanges talking
about "honesty in politics." is good deal like
seeing South Sea Islander putting on an over
coat.
A daily paper heads special dispatch "Dem-
ocratic Deceit :" There's waste of one word
well.
Bonneville, Ohio, voted local option, but the
say they won't quit. Then the
people oughSn't to quit-kicking, until the last
DEVILS imp is five miles off.
An Ohio girl says 'there's nothing beautiful
about the Maud Muller story. The idea of any
thing romantic about girl toiling out in a hay
field, and whimpering after blear-eyed Judge"
There is a terrible fatality among great DEM
ocrats. We have repeatedly warned men of
brains against trying to live in the Democratic
party.
Cleveland is becoming quite religious. The
good book teaches that the widow mite should
be taken-and that's just what Cleveland has
been doing.
An Indiana couple ran away because the
girls father objected to the marriage, and the
old fool chased them more than fifty miles-to
give them his blessing.
Since the Cincinnati Courts are sending bal.
lot-box suffers to the Penite ntiary, it is feared
there will not be full Democratic vote in Ham
ilton county, this fall.
sFrends," said a Jackson county minister
81 am going to leave you-it is possible that we
may never meet again."
"Amenv' shouted an enthusiastic and zeal
Gus brother.
From the number of confidential communi-
cations received, we are pleased to know that
there are many statesmen precisely suited to
the various State offices.
A man might travel over the Rock Hill road
with some assurance of getting some place-ft
he would haul rake along, with which to
rake his bones together at the foot of each hill
Inquiries are still coming in concerning the
man who was turned to red-hot stone, al
Bradford Junction, Ohio, for blasphemy. II
wasn't him that got melted-it's the man that
started the story that's going to be.
eyes, III drink with you, said one Jackson
man to another, 'but I'm going to whip you
all the same" That's what we call pluck1ne
the roses from the tree of anticipation, and
leaving the thorns.
Talmage says ''every sentence OF the Bible IL
double-barreled." That accounts for some men
being SO uneasy under preaching. They DOM
know which way it's going too shoot.
The Courier. Journal says "if the Republican
Officials had been put out of the Chicago Post
office o. the 5th of March, 1885, the embezzle
ments would have been smaller" OF coujse
The Demmies wouldn't have waited to embez
zle.
Many people will watch with great anxiety
for the big wagons of the street parade of the
Cincinnati Exposition. It's the only chance
soma of them get for getting free drink o.
beer.
Dr. Leonard shows lack of knowledge of hu.
man nature when he expects Gessner of thu
Times-Star TO tell the truth. If Frank were tt
forget himself and tell the truth, he would
doubtless be discharged at once.
must turn their attention to showing up thu
Payne case. That's what the Standard told yor
in the first place. The field of work, for al
editor, is in his editorial department-not il
public meetings.
Too Insulting-"Say, Mrs. Brown, you
chickens has bin scratchin' in our nice garden
am ma wants you to put 'em up"
Mrs. B.-"Poor chickens, they must quit it
they'll starve to death.'
Some jackson men were enlarging upon tn
fine discourse of country preacher, when
business man boldly asserted that he was
swindler-and offered to prove it. This remind
us of the old colored mans remark: "Sich tail
as dat would upset any system of THEOLOGY"
After the musician had executed one of hi
most difficult classical violin pieces, and no
body made any remarks, he cast glance o
injured innocence about the room.
"Weu," said several men, "why don't yo