The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1886-09-01
WIT AND HUMoR.

TO raise the WIND IN these times? Bar
ber-"No. sir. Not if the razor
sharp."-LoaceH C,tszen.
Employer Ito collector)-"See Mr.
Smith, Collector-'O, yes" En-
ployer-''Was he ANNOYED at your call
ing upon him?" C0llector-"Not
bit He asked me to call again. ~
Y. Sun.
As far as we have noticed there ha
been thus far no organized movemen
for an increase in 1.-THE wages of SIM
boston Record. As 1.-The wages OF sill
is death, will the Record tell us wha
a % per cent advance would be2-
LoaoeH Coatrter.
Geronimo IS not pronounced Gee
ronimo, but HeeronimO, says mornin;
editor. Hood hracious, what is h
hiving US? What a hay and hiddy styl
of talk this hentleman would bet us in
to. BY hosh, we won't have it ii,
to! Ho toi- Washington Critic.
Sleeping-car porter-''Whatk kind of
chance do you think one of us has 4
raise in the world and get rich, any
how?n Traveler-'.Well. really don
know; but, judging from circumstances
! should think you had no better oppor
tunity than bank cashier-not a bi
better
Yes" said a husband, sadly, I'm,
wife is devotee of the red flag. Tn'
! very sight of one arouses her to a higI
pitch of excitement" Surely she can
not have any sympathy in common will
such cut-throats." '.Yes she has
What, Anarchists ard Socialists?'
mo, auctioneers.
Il see the Socialists of Chicago are II
a ferment," observed the Judge. "Yol
surely are mistaken, P" replied the Major
.Mistakeni Nothing of the kind
Didn't see it in the paper?" Can
help it if you did. Ferment means tC
work, and that's something Socialist,
don't do. Patsburg Chronicle.
Aunt Matilda-Dear met that's my
minister, the Rev. Ananias Howler
knocking, and he does so dislike dogs
Miss Prettypert-Never mind, auntie
| I'll be off; good-by. Aunt M.-Well, il
| you wouldn't mind, deari | shouldn't
| like Jingo to bite Mr.. Howler Miss
certainly not. He's most un.
wholesome-looking man.-Fun.
The Eureka (CaL) Brass Band has
| received its instruments, but evidently
not its full instruction, as the .Sentt1e
of that town respectfully requests resi-
dents TO be forbearing for few months
while the members of the band are
| practicing This is construed by some
as an earnest appeal against the organ.
ization of Vigilance Committee.SM
]. World.
Street-Car Philosophy: Calm Con.
ductor-''Can't take that quarter, srr'
Indignant passenger-'rd like to know
why notr C. Cts too smooth. -
''Welll That's cool! You gave me that
very quarter on this car this morning.
l took it from you in change" We'll,
| you see, we are more particular than
| you are. San Francisco Wasp.
''Get inside, SIR" ordered the brake
man on the Third avenue elevated road.
| Passengers are not allowed to stand
on the platform. But you allow
those two men to stand on the plat
| form" said the passenger, land why
shouldn't lp'' Those two gentlemen
are personal friends of NINE" said the
brakeman indignantly.-M z Sun.
All, these landlords! Landlord Ito
tenanD D-''How did that door get muti-
lated at the bottom in such an out
rageous manner?" Tenant-'My dog
was mad last week, and bit it before
we could stop him. We were all away
that day" Landlord-..Why didn't
| you take that door off the hinges be-
fore you leftP Seems to me little more
foresight might be used in some cases. ="
-Ttd-Bits.
Some years ago we had an absent
minded wife who lost a brass safety pin.
She could not remember whether she
had swallowed it or inadvertently stuck
| it in the small of her back Three years
afterward she complained of an acute
pain in her right arm. Two days after
applying fly blister she found the
safety pin in the tray of an old trunk in
the attic.-Detr0it Tribune.
Minister dining with the family
'My young friend. you must come one
of these days and spend an afternoon
with my little boys Little Johnny
(delighted) d)-"And can l see the skel-
eton. too?" Minister-''Skeletoni Why,
what do you mean?" Little Johnny
| (paralyzing the whole company 10,
heard ma say to pa that she didn't
know what she'd do if she had such an
ugly skeleton in her closet as you have. "
| These laughable calls upon a library
for books are recorded in the Library
journal: Santa Claus bounded. ca
bound volume of 81. NichoLas.) Snow
bier" (Zenobia.) Pneumonia Sc
ries." ''Phantasmagoria by Hans
Christian Andersen. ~ Omproyisatore.
MIR. Isaac's Tale of Modern India. :"
"Erskine's Letters on Representative
Men," 'Gosher's Winter in Russia"
Smith (caressing stack of blue
chips)-"Au velvet, boys. every one OF
'em. It's better to be born lucky than
rich. My tailor catches me for spring
suit tomorrow sure. I'll play one more
hand and quit you. Same Smith
| (after the hand is played -Four skies
are go-o-od. They beat an ace full to
a dead certainty. Let me have stack
of reds, and I'll give you check for
'em. ~ Y. Times.
One of the most prominent dairymen
of Orange county, New York. has a
| spring on his farm in which for years
he has kept a fine brook trout The
| dairyman is a most upright and con-
scientious man, and was grieved to get
the following note from New York
man: The trout you sent me in one
| of the cans of milk was very fine,
thanks; but wasn't that a queer way to
send it?'-Forest aud Stream
A little 5-year-old lady came from
Montpelier TO St Adams the other day
with her mamma on visit, and after a
hard days work at play was rather
tired. While she was preparing for
bed that night she was pretty cross. and
when told to say her prayers she re
fused to do so. When asked why she
would not pray as usual she said
Mamma. it isn't any Use to say prayers
in St AIhansr'-S6 4tbans Messenger.
Planter-"That's a yicious-looking
mule you've got there, Pompey." Pom
pey--Dat mewel. sab? Dat am cne OF
the wondahs of the world" Planter
.-One of the wonders of the world?''
Pompey-"Yes. sab; dat mewel spilled
me outen de wagon yesterday" Plant
er-s'Is sthat why you call him one oi
the wonders of the world?' Pompey-
Yes, sab; Pcmpey's spiiler, You know.
Hah. bah. Gid long dar."-B0ston
| Courier.
Judge-"The officer says you were
drunk last night and fell down on the
street. Can you explain that little mat.
terfn Prisoner with dignity)-"The
cause of my fall, your Honor. was mol
attributable TO liquor. but to circum
stances over which / had no control. y
Judge Qn surprise) e)-.-What circum-
stances do you allude top Prisoner
lsadly) my legs, your Honor. -
Lozcel Citi=ea
George is years old. One day fae
youngsfer had been taken with slight
attack Of prevarication. and, wishing to
impress upon his infantile understand
I = IL II.