Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-12-28
A DUDE IN TRAINING.
frying to t1otho Himself with Museis.
Unde the BARRIERS Hands.

tnde the BARRIERS Hands.
il was my privilege the other day to see
dude, not exactly au naturel, but with
ont any Of the furnishings that would tone
him up and set off his peculiar points to
their best advantage. Ii was an awful
sight and it shook my belief in natural
selection and the progress Of the race
until the Chimneys all tumbled down
and the plastrring came off II WAS ia
place where the poor little creatures 90
to get themselves improved by GymnaStic
exercises and where | saw all the secrets
of their toilets. You needn't ask me how
l happened to be there or how | managed
to see all did see Just read and be
grateful.
Well, about the dude. He was develop
ing his form. And ii needed it. I've
seen girls pad, who looked about as much
like their dressed selves as Thanksgiv
ing turkey all ready TO be carved looks
like the strutting lord Of the barnyard
that he once was. But that WAS nothing
TO the transformation there had been in
this creature since / had seen him coming
down Fifth avenue a few minutes before.
He had on the usual attire for athletic
exercises and was see-sawing away at
some kind Of an arrangement for develop
ing the muscles of his arms and chest. His
poor little lead pencil neck looked as IL a
sudden Whit of air would snap IL In two,
and without the support Of his big white
collar his ears loOmed out like wings.
The excuse tOT clothes that men wear at
that kind Of work was supposed to fit him
skin tight, but they hung around him in
such folds and wrinkles, like drapery,
that il relieved all my embarrassment in
looking at him. His arms We're bare and
they were the thinnest, skinniest. sallow-
est, most worthless looking pair of arms
that you ever saw. Let him tug away
at his best and he couldn't get upa bulge
OF the biceps bigger than your thumb.
He gave it up after he had pulled and
bobbed around and bulged out his eyes
and got red in the face for about five min
utes.
"Weally. now, yOu know, III have 10
stop. I'm heastly blown"
Tho attendant suggested that il he
found it too difficult perhaps he'd better
not try that form of exercise any more.
But he shook his head sadly.
mo, I'll have TO keep on, for, weally
don't you know, my tailor has to put so
much padding in my clothes it makes me
llreu 10 carry u. l uluSI keep up tutS
beastly thing"
They wanted him 10 take cold sponge
bath, but he shook his head in terror and
declared II gave him a chill to think of il,
so they took him away into seclusion to
rub him down with almond oil instead.
and proceeded to dress him.
Later he went To a baber who makes
speciality of identifying the swells. There
they trimmed his eyelashes, pulled out the
scattering hairs between his eyebrows,
rubbed his face all over with some kind Of
a gentle cosmetic, curled his poor little
pretense of muStache with an iron, gave
his head pertuned shampoo, extracted
some hairs that came down too low on
one side of his forehead, spent an hour
shaping and polishing his finger nails, and
when he was finally ready TO come out
from their hands what do YOU think they
gave him to take homes II was 4 machine
that looked as il ii might he first cousin
10 clothes pin, and the fellow was TO
wear It on his nose at night. He thought
his nose was too big for the rest of his
face, that if he could only reduce !: little
his features would "weally be quite wegu-
lah, and So he was going to put this cor
set on at tnight.-Clara Belle il Cincinnati
Enquirer.