Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-20
TOMPKINS' CAT.

Iompkins is my neXt-door neighbor.
We are bitter enemies. NeXt-door neigh
bors generally are. We never speak as we
pass by. On those embarrassing occas-
ions one of us is suddenly seized with a
frantic desire to take botanical survey of
the yard we are passing, while the others
attention seems to be attracted by SONS
peculiarly fascinating object ON the oppo-
site side of the street, though what it is |
have never yet been able to determine.
Once We met at the front gate. We have,
or rather had, but one front gate, and ii
was used by both families in common. I
had just babe my wife a fond adieu-he-
hind the hall door-and was rushing out,
with a valise in one hand and an umbrella
in the other, to catch the noon train, with but
five minutes in which to make seven
squares, when | almost collided with Tomp-
klns,who was just about to enter the front gate
on his way home to dinner | suddenly re-
membered that had for gotten something.
and turning on my heel--people always
turn on their heel went back into the
house, while Tompkins walked past the gate
as serenely as if he lived ten squares fur
ther up the street. There are three gates
in front now, and the middle one is studi-
onsly avoided except by Mrs. Hobbs and
Mrs. Tompkins, who, strange to say, are
the best of friends.
Yes, Tompkins and I are bitter enemies.
Our animosity is deep-seated and beyond
any shadow of a reconciliation. 1t has can
kered and harassed my soul until life is
full OF misery and woe, yet take a keen
delight in hating TompAins. would not
stop hating him for anythingin the world
The bone of contention between us is
cat-not my cat, but 1ompkins' cat. God
forbid that l should ever foster one of the
Lloodthirsty ere ltures.
For the benefit of any of my beloved
leaders who may not know what cat is, [
will say that it is patent, double a, ton,
ire-proof, burglar proof electro dynamo,
wound-up for twenty four hours, l. de-
structible monster with cannlba'istic ten
lencies and lurking animosi toward all
mankind,
mean to say that some cats are like the
?eaceab,e, we'll behaved, reputable cats who
are proud of their good name, and would
lot offend them for the world. Thew are
the pole-cat, the Wild cat, the ca amount,
The CATO nine tails, and the catechism.
But this cat of Tompkins' belongs to the
ferecious breed first described. This breed
is divided into two classes. We have the
Thomas cat, and-the other kind of
cat. Tompkins cat is a Thomas cat. 1t is
Thomas Cat of the male persuasion. |
aave noticed that Thomas cats generally
are of the male persuasion. 1t seems to be
peculiarly OF the Thomas cat.
But this Thomas cat of Tompkins' is the
most maleyolent of its race. 1t has no re-
gard whatever for decency or the eternal
itness of tn ngs, and don't believe it has
ever read the golden rule in its life.
1t is one of those bow-legged knock
kneed, slab sided, cross eyed, hair Tipped,
reversible haired, ring-tailed, eight day
Thomas cats, with camel back and per-
pendicular tail, and can set more cubic feet
If air to vibrating to the cubic inch of cat
han any creature that ever traded carbonic
acid gas for oxygen. 1t is one of those
perpetual motion, self-acting cats that
seem to be blessed-or rather cursed-with
he peculiar, inexplicable faculty of wind
ng themselves up as fast as they run down.
1t has taken strange and unaccountable
fancy to me, and treats Inc much after the
manner that a love-sick swain treats his
,air inamorata- to moonlight sere-
aades, except that to Sir Thomas it is q
clatter of little moment whether there is
any moon or not. The programme is car
tied out literally to the letter, in spite OF
the moon. This is one phase of the ele-
nents over which the moon has no control.
No sooner have | wrapped the last lit
lie Hobbs in the mesmeric mantle of Nor
pheus Copyright applied for) than that
| monster in cat-shape mounts the partition
fence directly under my bedroom window
and proceeds to make night hideous. First
be runs the scale up and down few dozen
times in rapid succession, to see that all
his vocal chords are in tune, and then he
strikes up the grand overture. By this time
the little Hobbses are all wide awake, and
keeping fine accompaniment to his cat
ships alto trombone solo.
After the grand overture he invariably
treats us to a quick-step waltz in B flat
minor, followed by funeral march in
seven-sharps. These are numerously sand
wiched, however, with comic songs and
dramatic recitations executed in his most
inimitable style. By way of diversity he
frequently throws in some of his wonder
full limitations, in which he initiates every
kind of musical instrument from the
brass band to the calliope.
In vain l have demonstrated and argued
with him, and tried to convince him that
I've are not family with musical ear. !
have endeavored to show him that he is
wasting his melody on the desert air, but
he don't seem to care a continental. ]
have even gone so far as to use moral sua-
ton; but ] find that q cat don't banker
hrter" moral suasion, especially the Sir
Thomas species of the male persuasion.