The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1886-12-04
ALLEGED A HTMOR.

SHE-"We expected you to dinner
last night, Herr Professor. We wait
ed half an hour foryou Ihope it was
not illness that prevented you from
coming?" He-"Ach, no / vas not
hungry Puck.
REV. HIGHFLYER-.I delivered that
sermon off hand. hadn't given it a
moments thought. How did you ike
it ?" Frank Hearer-W can't say.
You see | didn't give it a moments
thought either. ."-Harper' Bazaa~.
MEMBER OF the Northern Shakes
pesre "Maun you Wully
Shakespeare maun hae been a maist ex-
tr'o'dinary pairsonl Theer-r thengs
cam entil hes held at wad never
haze COM ento mine never Punch.
You may say what you will about
pictures OF. astonishment, but you
lust ought to see frog try to jump
into pool OF water that is frozen
over. He don't say much, but what
he does say can be relied upon.-Ex-
change.
BEFORE introducing gentleman to
lady get her permission. If you
can't get it, make up some plausible
| lie to tell theg gentleman. 1t isimpertl-
nent to question servant about
| family matters when visiting Get
hold of one of your hosts children and
pump him.-Norristown Herald.
THE man who stepped into one OF
our leading grocery stores the other
evening and wanted to buy San empty
! barrel Of flour to make hen coop for
| l., ,e l,,,11 - not have lnnRpd
upon the beer when it foameth in the
bottle, but the evidence is against
him.-Ex6hange.
JONES -"Hello, old man, how doyou
like married life by this timer" Smith
! comparatively new to matr1monyl-
''First rate. wouldn't be bachelor
again for a good bit" "Indeed Why,
! understood your mother-in-law was
living with you" "Oh, no. Just the
other way I'm living with her."
"Well, that does make difference. y
Pittsburg Dispatch.
"PA, are you a frontiersman? 7"
asked little Willy, pas angel child, as
he nestled close to his mothers knee.
"No, my childish prattler, " responded
pa, adding: matilda, yon must have
been reading dime novels to the boy.
Why do you ask, my pet ?" "'Cause Mr..
Slimdood told sister that whenever he
saw you at the theater you was on
the front tier" "-Rambler.
AMATEUR tenor (who has been
abroad)-"Ah, my man, you are an
eye doctor / understand" Omaha
oculist-"I am an oculist, sir." "Yes;
well, what / want to know is whether
there is any way to prevent the eyes
from filling with water while singing. !"
"None that ! know of except to steel
your heart against the sufferings OF
the audience "-Omaha World.
PHYsICAN-Your husband, madam,
is suffering from nervous prostration.
Madam-Yes, sir. Physician And he
needs something to quiet him. What
is hi. business? Madam-He is de-
tective, sir. PhysicIan-Well, slip a
five dollar bill into his hand when he
isn't looking every two hours during
the night, and I'll call again in the
morning. Good day. York
Sun.
"VIoLET," said the young man with
hair evenly balanced and creased
breeches. "Ihave come to night to
ask you q question that has been on
my mind for weeks" "Well, Victor, "
said the shy goddess. 81 am anxious
to know whether if you would take me
for better or for worse?'" "Well,
Victor to look at you | should say
worse" Victor is single yet.-Yond-
ers Statesman.
"PAPA has got his appetite back
again, hasn't he, mammal" asked q
Leavitt Street five-year-old the other
day. ''I'm afraid not, my child, re-
piled the good mother. "He didn't
eat anything to-day. But why do
YOU ask? "Cause / heard him tell
Mr.. Brown that he came home fuller N
goat last night. didn't know but
- ''Run along into the next room
Ike a good little girl / think hear
your papa coming now, and NAM
mawishes to speak to him."
A MARVELLOUS piece of cheek is re-
ported in Tennessee. Two colored
brethren engaged in a personal dispute,
which waxed so warm that one prod
ded the other in the cheek with the
stick Of his cotton umbrella, causing
a severe wound which was sewed up.
Eight months later the injured man
began to experience some lnconven-
ience with that cheek and surgeon,
thinking the bone had been fractured,
made an incisioD, and drew out q
piece of the umbrella stick five inches
long. II references are required the
Louisville Courier j ournal will furnish
them.