St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1886-09-23
SQUIBS.

be V-shaped. The bills will be X
shpaed. Burlington Free Press.
An exchange says that ice two inch
es thick will support man. In mid
summer it supports the ice man and
his entire family Philadelphia Call.
Mamie Van Astorbilt-"Oh, Mr.. De
Fly, see that Van Islip girl with Baron
Won Glesenbach Did you ever meet
the baron in New York 2" Mr.. De Fly
QaconicalIy)-"No, 1 shave myself"
A bachelor advertised for "help-
mate-One who would prove a COM
paniOn for his heart, his hand and his
lot" A fair one replying asked very
earnestly, "How big is your lot 7"-
[Church Press.
He was travelling printer, and be-
ing out of employment, he hired him
out to a farmer. One day the farmer
said: 81 want you to set that hem"
CHOW do you want me to set her, SOL
id "-[Texas Siftings.
GLOW is the ozone ?" inquired the old
Boston lady in search of summer board.
Excellent, first-class," said the rather
puzzled housekeeper 1--WE get it from
the city regularly every day. New
L OTh Mill anu Express.
The Danville Breeze tells of young
woman riding with a young man, and
exclaiming at the sight of two calves
ooh, see those two little cowlets !"
"YOu are mistaken" said the young
man; "thOse are not cOwlets, but bull
let's"
Vessel Owner-You say this vessel
is unseaworthy and ought not to be
used for the transportation of freight.
Well, what shall do with herr Cap
tain-Paint her up nice and send her
to Chicago for an excursion boat
[Chicago Rambler.
At social gathering Miss Emeralda
LOngcoffin, wretched performer, ex-
ecuted a solo on piano. ''DOn't you
think she plays that piece little too
fast 2" asked Gus de Smith of old Pen
nybunker. "NO, she don't play it half
fast enough" was the sarcastic reply.
"Here is little thing 1 just dashed
off," said a buxOm maiden, as she en-
tered the sanctum. The editor was
just about to state that he didn't use
poetry, when the young lady produce
ed a beautiful golden roll of butter. 1t
was accepted with thanks Burling-
ton Free Press.
Mr.. Noitall (explaining)-"You see,
they build fire underneath the floor
of the engine, and when it gets hot
enough they put the boiler on, open
the cylinder door, and that lets the
steam get into the wheels and away we
CO." Ladies-"Oh, thank you. We
often wondered how it was DONE"
The rude brakeman again. 'Is this
the right train 2" lady asked of
brakeman the other day. "Where are
you going, ma'am 2" replied the brake
man "None of your business, SIR"
retorted the lady. 81 shall report you
to the superintendent for impotence"
And she actually did, New York
Tribune.
Brown (testily)-"What does that
young snip of cadet want fooling
around here every night 2" Mrs. Brown
L guess he comes to see
Cora. She said he was teaching her
the military drill" Brown (tartly)-
''Humph [ should think he was. From
what 1 saw tonight as 1 passed the
parlor l should say they were practis-
ing the call to arms."-[The Judge.
Lawyer Ito timid young woman)-I
nave you ever appeared as witness In |
a suit before 2" Young woman (blush-
ing)-"Y-yes, sir, of course" Lawyer
-"Please state to the jury just what
suit it was" Young woman with |
more confidence)-"Itw was nuns veil
ing, shirred down the front and trim
med with a lovely blue, with hat to
Judge Trapping violently
-"Order in the court !"-[ Kansas City
Journal.
Millionaire Pa-Ah! good morning,
Bridget. You look worried. Bridget
Sure, sir the beautiful geraniums
around there is all spoiled. My stars
After all my trouble. How did it hap
pen Your daughter fell on them,
'ur. Fell on them Why, how could
he : It was in jumping out of the
window last night, sur. Great snakes.
Why did she do that7 To elope with
he gardener. sur.-TOmaha World.