The Washington critic., 1886-11-09
THE STORY OF A PEN.

nv 'NiNi III bIl bNNNSl iiduus uJ
Penwiper saw her state of mind at
once, and as he was thoroughly at
home in domestic economy, he i'm
modiatcly foresaw that this vanity, as
he vulgarly and forcibly expressed it,
"would be knocked silly in one round
when the chambermaid came in with
the feather duster."
The Penwiper knew how 1t was
himself. lie, too, had once been
proud. IT is true that he never had a
relative quito as renowned as the big
statue down the bay but he had been
worked by the loving hugcrs of
young woman who had graduated at a
Fifth avenue art school, and 1t was
generally conceded that before he be.
came ragged at the edges and spotted
with ink, his culors aud their combina.
ton were worthy of being classed
among the wonders of the world
AS the Pen observed one day, with
rusty ill.nature: "The Peuwiper might
be worshipped without the slightest
fear of fracturing the idolatry com.
mandment, for he certainly resembled
nothing whatever in the world, the
atmosphere above or the waters
below
The ponwiper didn't notice lany sar.
casm in the remark, though. 50 fool.
ish does vanity make creature that in
his early days of unlqueness the silly
Penwiper took this description of him.
self as an uncommon exhibition of
rank and fulsome ilattery, and for sew.
eral weeks thereafter refused to speak
to the Pen for fear he would try and
hnrrnu from hin, bo
strength of the compliment.
If the Penwiper had had more bead
and less color he would have re.
membered that the Pen never made
any compliments of his own free will.
with acidity, which seemed to have
gave to his naturally sharp voice a
harsh and scratchy sound, which
grated on the ear and gave very
fair indication of his unpleasant char
acter. The Penwiper never noticed it,
however, although, strange to say, he
was particularly susceptible to impres.
sions as general rule. If he had been
keener observer he never would have
followed up his remark to the Statuette
by inquiring how be felt on this par
ticular morning. Actions often show
folly more than words.
GLOW do feel?' sparled the Pen.
"IIow do you suppose feel? You
don't think Pm. No, OF course not.
You don't think at all. You are only
mat. Something to wipe of the ink
on. If you We're able to think you
couldn't do such work and live"
''Do you ever think?' inquired the
Statuette, with rare and radiant ignor.
anCe that was more than blissful--
much more. 1t was simply beautiful.
AT first the Pen was staggered by the
question. Not even the chambermaid
dared TO insult him, for he belonged to
the Master and had to be kept in good
condition. For moment he groped
for words to express his amazement
and indignation.
"Do l ever think" he gasped at
length. "You doll,faced caricaturc of
lighthouse, you--you-you," he
suffered in modern Tennysonlan meas.
ure, why, you wretched menlicOnt,
If you had only thought us much as
have you wouldn't have the empty
head you have on your shoulders.
Why, my ancestors used to think cen
turtles before you were engraved on n
copper cent even. While you were
only the hole in a Chinese cast my
family were philosophers"
Il beg pardon, | IN sure" responded
Miss Liberty, humbly. "I'm certain l
meant no harm. ] never saw pen be.
fore. l only asked out of curiosity"
II don't doubt it, returned the Pen
sneeringly. Probably you don't
know how to spell your own name
You had better take care OF yourself
or your curiosity will make somebody
angry sometime. Not only do l
think" continued the Pen haughtily,
but do most Of the thinking in the
world and all of the writing. One of
my ancestors wrote Shakespeare plays.
Shakespeare" explained the Pen with
fine irony, twas a celebrated poet. A
poet is person who writes lines with
words at their end that sound alike.
Think? Why, Miss Liberty, | built
your pedestal. | built You even. l
got you over to this country, and ever
Since you have been here | have been
making sport of you in speeches and
poems and you haven't had the sense
10 know the difference, | wrote over
twenty very amusing poems about you
the week before your dedication and
most of them were printed in maya
zines, too"
"You don't mean it?" exclaimed
the Statuette in surprise.
cor course ! don't mean II. ! don
mean anything that ] write. | nave
written articles in support Of the Ad-
ministratlon and the next minute |
have written the headlines on news.
paper clipping giving the President S
wife's cousin hts Mean It! No,
ma'am. I'm professional hypocrte.
I'm chronic dyspepic, ! delight in
evil and ] enjoy spilling gore. / kill
of candidate every Presidential clec.
tion by writing letters for him, love
TO write letters. ! can do Il man more
harm by writing one little fool letter
with Burn this letter, please, on the
last linc-lO insure its being preserved
than | can in all the editorials ! could
write in ten years. write love letters
from nice young gentlemen to pretty
young women, and in this way often
raise more genuine Cain in ten minutes
than you could see from BedloG' S
Island in century"
BLESS my soul I" exclaimed the
Statuette, |'What mischief maker you
are"
~ am, am" cried the Pen, glae,
fully. ~ write Wills for rich old men
50 that their families can starye to
death, | write laws to govern the peo.
pie so clearly that quarter OF II mil
lion lawyers get rich every year eN,
planning what ! have said, Wherever
| am obliged to do good | always undu
it,, ! wrote the Constitution of the
United States and the Articles of Sc,
cession. ! put men in prison, dc
al the forging ever done. No one