The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1886-06-03
OPPOSED TO LOAFERS.
A Whisky Soak Who Believed in the
Rights of Labor.


Rights of Labor.
81 still insist on my views on the
eight hour question: remarked man
with seedy suit of clothes and bad
ly torn hat, as he assumed an orator.
cal position at the bar.
mo one here has doubted them,
answered the Court, as he took of his
spectacles.
"But the officer interrupted me just
as was about to finish my argument
and cast me into vile dungeon" in
dignantIy added the prisoner.
''He says that you were drunk, and
that you kicked a banana peddler *
the shins," said the Court.
Il deny the allegation"
"And, of course, you defy the allega-
tor?" observed the Court.
II do, sir; most emphatically! Why
sir, l was not drunk! Whenever
speak of the expressing greed of CAPT
tai as opposed to the rights of the
laborer, my blood begins to boil, and
my feelings carry me away! Capital,
Sir, is a monster that will yet destroy
labor unless the latter organizes, and
hurls back the Goulds and Vanderbilts
with their bloated millions, and"
Hold on my friend!' interrupted
the court. But the man at the bar was
excited and flinging his arms around
wildly yelled "Down with organized
capital; down with the vampires who
live off the earnings of the laborin g
man,
Exactly, sir, l admire your Ian
guage," said the judge, land also the
sentiments contained in it,
II am filled with the wrongs of the
laborer!'
81 am forced to say that from the
affidavit it appears that yesterday you
were filed with soul destroying liquor. "
''It was the excitement of the occa-
sion!"
THE affidavit further says you broke
a window in saloonn'
Il was gesturing.n'
Precisely! And the barkeeper is
willing to swear that you hit him with
rock when he suggested that you pay
for forty-five cents worth Of drinks
that you had ordered"
ulCICly IOlU IT'LL W wall.
"Of course. And the policeman has
bill for S5.S5 for damages to dress
coat which he will file against you.
''All his own fault, sir. We working
men have undeniable rights which even
policemen must respect. l spared him
because he represented the law. l
could have crushed himn'
'See here, my friend! You have
been bowling about workingmen' IS
rights for some time. What do you do
for living?'
I-I-I-that is-you see"
"Out with it, sir!''
"Well amt employed just now.
have been unfortunater'
''How long have you been er-unfor-
tunate?"
"Well, let me see. In 1884 had the
rheumatic for eleven months. In 1885
the dumb ague tackled me, and never
let go for ten months. Since then
have been fighting malaria.
''Sure it is malaria?'
"Oh, yes; l have the statements OF
six physicians that it is malaria
Couldn't it be whlsky?'
s'No sir! 1t was malariar'
The court put on its spectacles, and
after figuring a minute with his pencil,
softly remarked:
''After mature deliberation 1 am
forced to the conclusion that you are a
bum"
ME, sir? 1 am Knight of Labor. -
''You are fraud! You are Knight
of Loaf! And 1 am going to put you
to work!'
Don't do it,
what, put you to work?"
mo, meant--don't send me up?"
Fall back, you labor champion, and
taste the sweet fruits of hard labor on
the rock pile"
"You are in league with the monop-
olists! You are opposed to labor as
against capital!''
Il am opposed to loafers. Fall back
and wait for the chariot that will con-
vey you to the Home for Snide Labor
Agitators!'
"T'll have you boycotted.
TOO late, sir. The sentence to-day
will be three months. The next time
this Court will make it double" And
after he was taken down the turnkey
chalked John Wilson, booze fighter,
$685. on his cell Cincinnati
Times Star.