Daily Republican., 1886-07-06
SUNBEAM y.

| Toe English swallow-"Alf and
ALI"
| Are hatiers and oootm akers divinitie.
because they shape their ends?
| King Theebaw, whose motto is "OA
with their heads" would make an ideal
| Democratic Executive.
Eggs are eight cents dozen In Mis-
slssouri. Jay Gould could get q big
reception there at small cost.
There's new cemetery out West
that Ia Tushiug up trade in lott by
advertising bargains in misfit graves.
Mamma" cried five year-oli
girl, ~ started to make my doll a
bonnet and It's come out pair of
pants"
A Dead wood man named Pott has
reoogniz I'd one OF our foremost indus.
tries by naming his first. born Jack.
A man of small stature gives as a
reason for Ills siunteG growth that he
was brought up, when baby, on con-
densed milk.
"Charming little pluk.tipped, shell.
like ears you have, Mics lofty. Did
you ever have them pierced?" "No;
but | have had them bored"
A somewhat weather beaten tramp
being asked what was the matter with
his coat, replied, ~ sopnia; 1t hasn't
hal n nap in ten years"
There IL said 10 be sort of sympa-
thy between extremes. To illustrate
many hom4ly mans head has been
turnei by pretty woman's foot.
Fogz wants to know why Mrs. +. g
mouth is Ike the Temple of Janus.
The brute says IL is because 1t Ia peace
when it 10 Closed, and when it is open it
is war.
Now comes the season when the fash
Ionaoie belle, who has been shockt d all
winter at the opera ballet, goes to the
seaside ard displays the last new style
in bathing dresses.
Wears dsushter - "Weil, Tommy
how are you al! getting on?" Tommy
Nicely, thank you, miss. OF got a
gunbtii, mother she's got the rheuInat.
ics, and father eve got month in
jail"
First small boy Say, Johnnie,
where are you in Sunday schoe?'
Secord small boy oh, we're in the
middle of original sin" First small
boy-"That amt much; we're past re-
demption."
Now, locker yer, Charlie Jim mou5
b an honest niger and then again he
mouten't; but If | WAS chicken and
know'd ne vas about The yard, | tell ye
wot, Niger, I'd roost hlgh-thas l
would"
''Is there any plural 10 deer" asked
1 -. ,f tn
mar. II think there must be, for there
is a plnra. TO beer. Yol can say Two
beers; I've often !. card it, replied Tom
Aujerry,
A Mich gan man by feeding tramp |
found long-lost brother of his wife
We suppose this ought 20 be taken as
solemn warning against something or ,
Other, b cause he mas had 70 keep on !
fet ding him ever since.
Husband (desperately)-"Life has
no longer any charms for me I'll Kill !
myself. I'll take poison" Wife
(cAlmly )-'Well, If you do take poison,
my dear, get the kind that's advertised:
Don't ole IL the house. "
A Harlem lady recently married, see
lag her husband coming into the house,
s slipped quietly behind him and gave
him a hearty kiss. The husband told
her that she offended all proprlety,
"PardOl pardot ' said she, naiyely.
~ did no: know ii was you.
"Say, Mrs. Smith" complained an
irsie boarder 81 . Bond street boarding
house the other day, pointing to a dish
in front OF him, ''youshouldn't put such
stuff as that before hogs" "That's so, "
the old lady snsppishiy remarked,
''hefe, Jane, bring that dish to this end
Of the table.
In COrea, 30 We are informed by
traveller, both n en- and women
wear hats In and out Of doors, varying
In width from three TO six feet. Under
these circumstances we are not snr-
prised when we are told that there has
not been q theatrical performance in
Cores for the last four years.
A clergyman who was consoirg a
young widow on the death of her hus- ,
band spoke In a very serious tone, re-
that he WAS one of the few.
Such jewel OF aChristian-you cannot I
ind his equal, you well know" To
" h!ch the sobbing fair one replied, with I
IN almost broken heart, Ill bet | 4
viii" Ii
Pompey took little Ethel to see the {
sst batch of chickens making their first S
appearance in the world. Il wonder S
hey'vo got the strength TO break their s
way ont OF the she'll" why, ze see, Il
Miss Ethel, said Pompey, sagaciously, ii
they makes a mighty big effort NJ last a
case dey's afraid o. oein' biied if deg Il
tsy .ongers. !"
An elderly lady who, with her daugh
or, has but recently returned from 81
apid journey through England, France, q
art OF Germany and Italy, was asked ii
he other day II they had visited Rome. il
ud 81 replied in the negative. La! n
ma, YES we did," said the daughter, Ct
mat was the place, don't yeu know, b
yhsre we bought the bad stockir ge" Ii
Yourg playwright We'll, Mr., Bun 81
omS, have You read my comedy" "
and find | shall be A
Iuable to use 1t 1t has some good Is
,oipts, my dear boy, but Us crude "
EN- crude. Young play wright-"Then p
ou couldn't think Of putting IL on the
tase?" Baucomb-"Well, | didn't,
nean 70 say that. could have itgrouud
D and use it for snow storm, II you
you'd care to have it put on that way.
Exit playwright abruptly } lip
A young photographer was long el
lime In love, AMI Saturday night no lol
ut the matter to the test "Dear Fan e
lie, he said, after beating around the n
nah for an hour or more ~ love you "