Morning journal and courier., 1886-02-03
HANDX,

It is said that Confucius was never known to speak at meals. He probably sat at the
 middle of the table, then, where everything l was handy.-Burlington Free Press. ''No,' said the honest grocer; ''its all bosh about us fellows sanding our sugar We've learned that finely sifted ashes are cheaper, have less grit and leave less sedi- l nent. t."-Philadelphi Herald.
 William Henry Harrison-Say. dad, lem me go to de spring for drink of watera Williams father-Shet your fool mouf, chile, an go on wid yeur work. Don't de Good Book say "Hoe everyone dat thirsteth?' lid Bits.
 Debutante: "You young married women treat us unfairly by absorbing the attention of the gentlemen" Young married woman (sweetly): "That difficulty is easily over come" Debutante: "How." Young married woman: Become young married woman yourself. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
 Bad Luck-Lieutenant (to brother off cer)-''I have i'll luck in getting married. A fair one without money my father objects to. A homely one with money my personal feel ing objects to. A fair one with money her father objects to. A homely one without
 money-why, naturally everybody objects o."-Fliegende Blatter.
 A Henry county farmer came to Clinton on the late cold wave wearing ceonskin over coat. A West side grocer inquired "Why don't you wear the hairy side in in- stead of outr'
 'I reckon the coon knew which side was the warmest when he wore it, didn't hel" replied the farmer.-Clinton Advocate. Senator Spooner, of Wisconsin, tells good story of his 4-year old boy He had started out on shopping tour with his father and mother, and had appealed first to one and then to the other for some money His father asked him what he wanted of money, and fnra &ha said: "Well, papa, what would you do if Q robber stepped up to you and said, Your money or your life,' and you hadn't any
 money2'-Wa Washington Letter.
 One day certain commercial pilgrim was in the wiregrass region and stopped at town while the Superior court was in session Af ter doing up the place he dropped into the court house. Whil he was there one of the lawyers handed an order to the judge for his signature. His honor put on his specs gravely and began to scan the writing slow ly. He made very little progress, but stum-
 bled from word to word with the greatest difficulty and halting. The drummer leaned ed: "Your judge doesn't seem to read ..vrit- ing readily'' ''Read writin'l" exclaimed the disgusted man; Che can't hardly read read
 in. '-Atlanta Constitution.
 We all know the story of the Turkish
 Cadi who held that there was always
 woman at the bottom of every trouble. On
 one occasion there appeared before him one
 of his officers, who stated that certain
 man had fallen out of the window and killed
 himself. ''Where is the woman?" asked the Cadi. sIt was man, your
 sublime highness," responded the officer.
 ''Where is the womanf' repeated the Cadi.
 ''It was a man, your eestatic nobleness,"
 humbly reiterated the officer. "Where is
 the womanf' fercely demanded the Cadi. ''I
 tell you it was g man who killed himself,
 your effulgents radiance" TO ared the officer.
 Then an explanation followed, when it turn
 ed out that the man was leaning out of his
 window to look at woman, few doors off,
 when he lost his balance and fell to the
 ground. "Ah!" cried the Cadi triumphantly,
 1T knew there was a woman at the bottom of
 it; there always is.''-Texas Siftings.