The Sunday morning news. [volume] (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1886-1891, 1886-12-12
FUN

Isn't it paradoxical that the best way to
keep young lady's affections is to return
them. St. Paul Herald.
The Tribune has an article on "Baccarat
at Clubs" That may do at clubs, but in
a pit we'd rather back the dog.
A Nebraska court is asked to decide the
question, whats in a sausage?" There
may be a ''ponter" in it somewhere De-
troit Tribune.
Regular caler-"Id like to see your
father, Tommy. if he isn't engaged
Tommy-"He is; but what's the matter
with Clara? She isn't engaged. Lowell
Citizen.
81 see in the paper that three tons of
yarn are yearly used in the manufac ;ure
of base balls, " observed Fangle. 81 sup
pose that is the reason so many clubs get
worsted, replied Shopper It'd Bits.
Teacher-s'What is your your fathers
occupation?"s
New pupil mustn't tell
Teacher-"But yeu must tell T"
N P. (after much hesitation)-"He is
the bearded woman at the Globe Muse
UNI. Life.
"Say, mister, don't yer want boy?"
"Are YOU out of work."
yes
"What did you do during the Summer"
81 stuck flies onto fy-paper in drug
gsts's winders; but fly times over now"
Philadelphia Call.
One of the many letters recommending
a certain potent cure all says: Dear Sir
A month ago my wife was unable to speak
above a whisper. She used two bottles
Of nr,d mo- 7 xxyot11A M
be without it at any price" From which
we infer that now she can't speak at ALL
Rambler.
"The car is full of Alumni" whispered
Miss Beaconstreet 10 her frind from the
West, as they both jourueyed Cambridge
ward in the horse car.
EYES," said the Chicago girl; "and how
it chokes one up, don't it? / wonder they
mercial Bulletin.
Angel child Say. Mrs Virgins, if ma
asks you 10 stay to dinner, you stay. Will
your"
Mrs. Wiggins-"Why? Would you like
me to stay, my little boy?'
Angel child-"Y bet | would. No
body amt stayed to dinner with us this
week, an I'm dyin' for square neal
Rambler.
New baby-"A-bwa, a-bwa, a-bwa!"
New mother-''Bone, boire; what can
baby mean?"
Father "He's going to be topper, An
gel1ne, Boire is French for drink"
New mother (anxiously)-"O wouldn't
it be dreadful if Charles should turn out
TO be French baby, and we couldn't I'M
derstand word he said?"-Life.
Johnson-"Do you know Jones?"
O'Kelly-"Yis, sor | know him."
Johnson-"Can a person believe what
he says?"
OKelly-H Faith, an it's jist this way
when he tells We the truth ye can believe
livery word he says. but when he lies to
yez we betther have no confidence in him
at all "-Elmira Gazette.
Here is a good Irish story: A pair of
victims are waiting behind hedge for
their landord-guns loaded, cooked and
ready for action. 1t is past the time at
which he was expected to go by. Still
they wait and wait, until at last they be-
come uneasy. "Bedad, Pat" says Tim,
II hope nothin' has happened to the poor
ould jintlemanl"- Whitehall Review.
Lord Palmerston was once travelling
North by rail- He purchased third-class
ticket, lit his cigar and entered the coach.
One Of the employees called the attention
of the manager to the fact, remarking:
ssWhat shall we do if Lord Palmerston
rides third class? Every body will follow
suit, ard no first or second Glass; tickets
will be sold. The manager thought
moment, then took two third class tickets,
handed them TO two chimney sweeps
standing on the ylatform, and ushered
them into the coach where Palmerston
sat. Palmerston looked up and immedi-
ately comprehended the position and the
motive, Arriving at the next station, he
purchased two first class tickets, took the
sweeps out and ushered them into the
first class coach. The retaliation was APP
preeiated on the part OF the railroad man
axere -RostOn Home Journal