Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1886-07-16

VOL. IA. NO.6
s5 LIGHTS IND SHADOWS.
The Chicago News asks: May man marry
his grandmother So far as we are concerned
\ the ceremony may proceed. No objection here.
TIE young man who in tragic mood quoted
Minis Richelieu to his fair, plump darling by
4 exclaiming, Around her awful form draw the
! solemn circle is now wondering what struck
him.
wIDowER and widow from the northern por-
ton OF the county were married in this city last
week, and strange to say they exhibited as little
alarm as though they were perfectly ignorant of
the consequences.
v THE New York journal imparts the startling
information that there is weed called the milk
weed which can be got in the country" Why not
cultivate this weed instead of chalk? Or is it
given the name simply because it lives on
Z water?
K THE girl who kisses her hand to her friends
! from the deck Of an outgoing ocean steamer in
variably breaks one dudes heart at least says
an exchange. Yes, that's SO. and when John L.
Sullivan kisses his hand to an incoming fellow
traveller he breaks one nose. at least.
''THE title OF Lawrence Oliphant's latest novel
is 'Masso liam: Problem of the Period >" says
the Current, ''and it will deal with such phenom-
ena attract the consideration of spiritualists,
eeoteric Buddhists and psychical research" If
Mr.. Oiphant runs out of material he can find
some very effective phenomenon in Bismarck at
fifteen cents per glass. |.
WRONG again. The man over there with the
broken jaw and the blackened eyes; with his arm
in sling and cash in his head; with a nose all
mangled and one ear gone; with three ribs broken
and a compound fracture of the skull-is not the
man whom the cyclone struck. He is the base
ball umpire, and but for the interference of the
police he would have been injured.
SPRINGFIELD man says he has discovered
pearls topazes, and diamonds in q gravel stra-
tum IN the Sangamon river.-Exchange.
Give that man half chance and he will be-
plucking rubies from the trees, picking green
backs from the cabbages. skimming gold from
the placid and waveless waters of the Hennepin
canal, or seeing snakes in the vacant recesses of
his boots. Give him chance.
The announcement made by worthy metropol-
itan exchange that at recent John picnic in
Pennsylvania every son of a man named John,
was given dish of ice cream gratis is cause for
some interesting meditation. 1t is inferred from
this that the unfortunate son of woman named
John, or the downtrodden heir of mule named
John, or the oppressed and humiliated son of q
gun" named John sat around with his thumb in
his mouth wondering why he was born and asking
himself despairingly, us life worth living?''
THE DRoUTH.
SEQ the high heavens all blistered and blue;
The clouds are pale, brittle and dry;
The air is mass of hard waterless dew;
The tear has been baked in the eye
The flames of the universe flicker and swell;
The forest is groaning in thirst;
The wind sweeps the fumes from the further
most hell;
Earth's beating heart threatens to burst.
go to the river to wet the parched ips
No water or solace is there;
The stream that flows by is of alkali chips
Made of fire, and water, and air.
Away to the we'll, the old friend of my youth,
I hasten through bramble and briar
To draw sweet relief from it's depths. but in
B. truth
I draw forth bucket of fire.
grasp at the ice that was left at the door,
1t crumbles in ashes and smoke;
Istrain my hot throat for voice to implore,
But strangle and pulsate and choke.
In agony wild and in voice of despair,
cry to the king of the rain,
But he laughs at the shriveled and scorched lit
tie prayer
And mecks the fierce, feverish pain.
And To- as wake from the terrible dream,
The buffoon. with loud guffaw,
Drops the curtain to shut out the sun g red
1 CLEAN
And removes from my nose the straw.
The Grand Forks Plaindealer informs it's
q timid readers, who recently stampeded during a
heavy wind, that they must not look for cy-
clone during stiff breeze" Certainly not. As
we understand it, the cyclone is one of those
, quiet, noiseless blessings that come and go and
are never seen or heard. During cyclone every
thing is perfectly calm and motonless and a
sweet serenity pervades the air; after its first
outburst of sublime silence you see no stirring
leaf, no falling timber. no cloud of dust; you
hear not even the faintest echo of the bowling
blast-for you are dead. The Plaindealer is
right. Do not look for cyclone during stiff
breeze. In fact, we would not advise you to look
for it at ALL But if you insist upon looking for
it, stop before you find it unless you have paid
you possess these splendid qualifications for
death, the museums cannot afford to have you
die. ...s.J
Will Swell Canada's Population.
ST. LOUIS, July 14.-The Provident saw
ings bank closed its doors to-day and has
made an assignment. Almond B. Thomp-
son, cashier, has absconded. The amount
Of losses is $1,168,s29. Thompson is grad
uate of Harvard college. and since he has
held his responsible position in this city
has been regarded as man of sterling in
tegrity The amount of Thompson's bond
was $4,000, signed by his father and Car
los S. Greeley, a wealthy retired liquor
dealer. They are responsible, of course,
for the amount of the bond, which together
with the apparent assets, more than equal
the banks liabilities.
End of the Prohibition Battle.
ST. PAUL, July 1S.-Ipswich, Dak., spec
ial to Pioneer Press: Albert Smith, pro-