davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington critic., 1886-09-22

Internal Revenue Commissioner Miller,
who has just returned from little hunt
ing and fishing trip In West Virginia, 4lis
native State, had an experience out in
the mountains. One afternoon he was
sitting In front of the country tavern,
when very thin woman rode up on a
very thin horse and beckoned for him to
come out to the gate.
"Air you the Internal revenuer ?" she
inquired, as he stood politely in her pre-
sence, with his hat of.
"Yes, madam" he replied, bowling.
swell, i never seen Internal reyenuer
an / thought ez how I'd jist ride over
an take a look at yer. Goshamity! but
you air purity" and her eyes beamed ad-
miringly, while the Commissioner blushed
scarlet.
"Ah thank you," he stammered.
"Oh, you air welcome," she responded
heartily. "IIow much do you weigh ?''
"Two hundred and twenty"
"Land sakes, you don't sayP' she OK
claimed, in surprise; then lowering her
voice, "Will yer do favor fer meS"
"Certainly, madam, il possible"
sits fer Lie" she said, she's my hus-
BAN. You see, he only weighs hundred
an ten, an side meat an pone amt very
fattenin' on man, an Of you'll give him .
job in your Office, AM fetch up his weight Ia
hunderd an fifty, dog my cats ef WONT
run the farm myself am pay his livin' ex.
penses. In course, don't spect you to gil
him as big as .you'a air, ner as purity, but Of
he hefts fairly wells all Pm arter. They
amt man on this crick, frum mouth tel
headwarters, ez weighs over hunderd an
fifteen, an ef kin trot Lie out at hun
derd an fifty, itll jst be pizen to every
woman in the valley, an I'll be prouder mel
a prize punkin at the county fair. Lord,
me, jist to think what swath I'd cut righ
through the tall timber Of could run
huDderd an fifty pounds Nv husban' W
agin these little runts along this crlck,n ant
the woman's eyes sparkled, and she threw
her sunbonnet back on her head with an al
Of pride that made the Commission
promise he would see what could be dom
for Lie,
The Washington critic., 1886-09-22
GENERAL AND CRITICULAR.

When Mr.. Cowper of England made the
poetic remark that no friend Of his would
tread on n worm, he had never been In
Washington during the caterpillar season
He had been talking to an official for
long time to get an appointment and finall!
handed him bill.
"Do you mean to insult me, sirPn ex
claimed the official with righteous indlgna
tion, scorning the profrered wealth.
"IIow much did you think 1t wasr' In
quired the visitor, dropping his hands, but
quite unabashed.
"Ten dollars"
swell, it's hundred"
"Oh." and he took 1t in.
The young man sat In the parlor dim,
A-hugging his Lizy Jane;
The old man came and he looked at him
And shook q heavy cane.
The young man rose and he said aloud:
"This meeting gives me pain,
For two is company, three's a crowd,
So good-by, Lizy Jane"
And he few.
The Washington critic., 1886-09-22

DOR RENT AND FOR SALE-Prop-
Il erty In the northwest and southwest
part of the city; brick and frame, large and
small; also n lot of furniture for sale. Apply
at 1123 PA ave n W.
The Washington critic., 1886-09-22
Clerk U s. House of Repre aentatlvas
DEPARJMENT OF STATE.
IL Washington, Sept. 10, 1885,

SEALED PROPOSALS will be received at
thc Department of state until IL O'Clock
furnishing the Department with stationery
for the hscal year ending June 20, 1887, In &C.
cordance with a schedule of articles which
Will bo supplied to persons proposing to bid.
The right to reject any and all bids or 70
accept any portions Of any bid or amend the
quantity given OF any article in the schedule
Is reserved.
Zach bidder will be required to furnish
with his bid a bond, with two suretlos, in the
sum of $1,000, as n guarantee of faithful
performance OF the contract which may bo
awarded him.
All samples submitted should he left at the
stationery room of the Department.
The Washington critic., 1886-09-22

ncSS1 SIX AND EIGHT PER CENT.
K INVESTMENTS. PRINCIPAL AND
INTEREST GUARANTEED. ALSO
Lutte CERTAINTY AND SECU-
RlTY.
The Equitable Trust ard Investment Com
pany, Wichita, Kansas. Capital, 500. 900. Hon.
=. W. Perkins, NJ. c., president. Loans from
S500 to $1,000, running from to years. Sc
cured by mortgage upon some of the best
lands in Kansas, at onethird their value at
forced sale. Also s per cent. bankable COM
mercial paper, running from 20 days to @
months. Interest collected without any
charge, payable at any bank the investor may
direct. No expenses whatever to the in
vestor. Recommended by Hon. John j. In
gals, Hon. Preston b. Plumb, u. s. Senators;
Hon. John A. Martin, Governor OF Kansas;
leading bankers and others, whose recon-
mendations are IN our office.
STONE & LITTLEFTELD,
Washington Agents, 1926 Il st, n. W,
The Washington critic., 1886-09-22

CHORT HAND-Morning and Even
- ing classes; Ben. Pitmans system: So per
month: use of typewriter free; speed TO ad
vanced scholars; instructions in punctuation
Address Box 5ij, Postoflico
The Washington critic., 1886-09-22
PROF 1SalS.
PHUF UoNLS.
DRoPosALS Fous STATIONERY.
U. s. norsn or RrrnrsrsrArivEs.

u $. HOUsE o. REPRESENTATIVES,,
WAsntSuruS u G., sept IN. lFij
SEALED PROPOS AIS will hG receiyGi at
this Office until /, O'Clock m OOTOBEH Is,
iesh for iurni,mng stationery for the House
OF Bcprcs s'ntaivcl daring the tisc II Year ond.
iuR June 20. 1887.
Blank forms Of proposals, blank bonds aud
necessary infpimatio VIII lac fur1ishol on
appicniion 'o the stationery clerk.
The clerk reserves the rlyh' 10 waivc de.
BIDS.
Proposals should he addressed to tho clerk
of The House of Representatives and indOrsei
Proposals for stationery
JOHN u CLARK, in.
Clcrk u s House of Knnrn sentniiVns.
The Washington critic., 1886-09-22
The Norwood Institute.

A Select Boarding and Day School for Young
Ladies and Little Girls.
REOPENs SEPTEMBER 90. 1886.
For catalogue and all particulars, address
MIR. AND MRS. WIN. D. CABELL,
Principals,
1919 and 1914 18th st. n. W.,
or for immediate attention at Norwood, Nell
son County, Va. Pupils desirous of preparing
for the regular course OF the Norwood Insti-
practical use Of the French language, will
find 1t to their advantage to attend the sum-
rer session at Norwood.
The Washington critic., 1886-09-22
VIDUCATIoNAL.

II -..-- -.
KINDERGARTEN NORMAL INSTITUTE
The National kindergarten and Primary
School reopens September go in splcious
elegant parlors. n @ corner of Mass. ave and
10th ST. Mis-. Louise Pollock will be happy
to receive parents and friends Of pupils on
or after Monday, sept. II Ladies' who desire
TO enter the teachers class commencing Octo-
btr 1. should enter their names at once.
The Washington critic., 1886-09-22

In sums TO suit at per cent.
Tho above Is only a small portion OF prop
erty on my books, For full list call at once
for bulletins Issued on 1st and 18th.
The Washington critic., 1886-09-22
FOR RENT.--HOUSES.

DOR RENT
] ST. near 21st W, 10 RS, fur. $40 90
18th st, near n W, 10 RS. fur. 80 90
Groom house, with store and cellar, 7th
ST, just above Boundary, rent S25;
store Sl2; rooms, Si5.
ID. G. PROCTOR & SON,
1926 II st II w,
The Washington critic., 1886-09-22

sN-65 AND 10 GENTS
kS FOR BINDING
HARPER'S. CENTURY AND ST. NICHOLAS
MAGAZINE.
THE LYCETr BINDERY,
1910 and 1912 Pa. Ave.
All work ruarantepd
The Washington critic., 1886-09-22
TED-..MISGELlANEGUS.

Advertisements OF Three Lanes under this head
inserted three times for 25 cents.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
Fight with n Grizzly.

While two telegraph-repairers were
carrying on their work in the Selkirk
Mountains, one Of them was attacked
by q grizzy bear, which caught him by
the calf of the leg as he was drinking
from stream. The bear endeavored
to carry him into the cave, but he
placed his arms around tree and bel
lowed for his companion, who came
close to the bear and emptied seven
Winchester balls into him. Seeing the
seven balls did not make him relinquish
his hold, he caught the ferocious ami
NAL by the ears and tried to haul him
of. This caused the animal to move a
little, thus enabling the friend to pull
his companions rifle from under the
bear. He then commenced pouring his
friends seven bullets into the bears
head, and had fired the last shot when
the bear rolled over. The trouble then
was to get the jaws open to release his
hold. This was done by inserting the
barrel of one of the rifles and prying it
OPEN Winnipeg Sun.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
The Physiology OF n Blush.

The circulatory, respiratory, and di-
gestive systems of the human body,
though their functions are involuntary,
are still to great degree affected by
the action of the nervous system. Now,
the nervous system is susceptible to
two kinds of stimuli-physical and
mental. Physical stimuli include ex-
ternal excitants of various nature
light, heat, sound, odor, and also chem
ical and galvanic irritants. Mental
stimuli are the result of exercise of the
will and thought, and also of powerful
and sudden emotions, the various emo
tions acting through the nerves, affect
ing the circulatory system differently.
joyful emotions accelerate the action of
the heart and cause the dilation of the
arterioles and capillaries to receive the
added currents. Sudden terror or fear,
on the contrary, causes q spasmodic
contraction of the heart, and stimuli
taneous contraction of the small arte-
ries, so that the face becomes blanched
and the hands icy cold. The capillaries,
or the small blood vessels which con-
meet the arteries and veins are affected
by anything which affects the circula-
tory system through the nerves. These
small vessels form network over the
entire body so close that the point of
the finest needle can not be inserted
between them. Thus, in blushing, q
mental emotion has accelerated the cir
culatlon and dilated the capillaries on
the surface. The blood then rushes
into them in such quantities that they
become visible, not as a network, they
lie too close together for that, but as a
uniform flush upon the skin. The rea-
son why some persons seldom or never
blush is because through constitutional
or acquired power their nervous sys-
TENS are more or less independent of
emotional stimulus. Shame, Joy, fear,
or horror excite in them but little emo
ton, and, besides, such degree of emo
ton as may be excited is so far under
the power of the will that it is permit
ted to send out no electric currents to
disturb the even movements of the cir
culation. Ocean.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
The MegaphOpe:

This instrument, used on shipboard,
is machine for magnifying sound. 1t
is constructed of two cone-shaped
tubes, eight feet long and three in di-
ameter at the large end, which dimin-
ish to an apex in the form of rubber
tubes small enough to place in the ear
Between these tubes are two smaller
ones, constructed in the same manner,
but not more than half the diameter
BY placing the rubber tubes in the ear
and speaking through the smaller cones
the person can hear and be heard at a
long distance. and it thus aids mariners
in listening for the sound of breakers
or carrying on conversation with per-
sons on shore or other vessels at a
distance.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
The Modern Shakespeare.

"Andromedal an it were not that
had sometimes gazed at angel fashion
plates, would assume L had an angel
SEEM"
"There was time whene'er thou
gazed on me, thou'dst swear such pic
ture had your vision met"
and so nae heart attests thee even
nowl But with the eye material, me
sweet-that eye which but the outer
guise rehects-I saw what workings
would an angel call"
"Ahal then thou attendst yestereve
the free lunch kettledrum at Mistress
Uaudios'?"
81 did, egad, and there did tete-a-tete
with Lady Gaudiana Lucifer, an, fore
the gods, if Solomon had seen this gen.
tlewoman's rare accouterments, to
Chatam street he would have zen his
gaud and bartered it at beggary's per
cent.
"Was she so gorgeously capari-
soned?"
"Was she, indeed? Not Sitting Bull
himself e'er stood as rack for so much
blazonry. Upon her head she wore an
ecru redingote gathered at chin with
panel-draped galloons; her bodice was
of turkeys breath brocade garnished
with epitaphs of frozen null, while
from the wainscot's frail capote hung
tuileries of spangled gaberdine and
slabs of body-brussels bias cut"
"O,gentle Oscar, that thou hadst been
here to batten on this type of gorgeous
ness!"
Would that he had, for had he seen
as 1 the tout ensemble mellowing her
brain, her jabot hung with desiccated
plaques, her mushroom quilted tunic,
tadpole shape, and clunny balmoral all
overshot with pepper-pod veneer and
herring scales, he would have bowed
him to you Yankee girls, and said. for
tricks of garb the cookies yours. -
YOnkers Gazette,
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21

glycerine and nitrogen. It's manufac-
ture is difficult and dangerous. As
this explosive is liquid, IL is some
what difficult to handle, and later COM
pounds have been made by mixing it
with solid material. Dynamite is made
by adding to nitro-glycerine kind Of
infusoriai earth, which is found In
Germany and which is nearly pure
silica. DRAIN, another explosive, Is
mixture of sawdust, or wood-pulp,
with nitro-glycerine. Sebastin is made
by using with the same explosive a
peculiar porous kind of wood charcoal,
pulverized before the mixture. Still
another of this kind has been made by
Professor Nobel, by mixing soluble
gun-cotton with nitro-glycerine. The
chemical effect of this union is to form
q ieliy-like substance, which is called
blasting gelatine. This is still further
modified by mixing it with another
kind of gun-cotton, which is not sol
uble in it, and makes firm substance
easier to handle than the Jelly. All of
these explosives, however, can only
be safely made by experienced chem
lists, and any inexperienced handling
of them is sure enough to result in
calamity to the person rash enough to
attempt it Inter Ocean.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
A Rich Mine.

The Calumet and Hecla mine in the
Upper Peninsula of Michigan is prob
ably the richest and most prolific cop
per mine in the world. Discovered in
1865, it has built up an industry in
which over 1000 men and two flourish
ing towns of 5000 inhabitants find en-
ployment at all seasons. The dividend
account exceeds S20,000,000. 1t pays
quarterly dividends of So share on
10000 shares. More than one-third
of the entire copper product of North
ern Michigan has been taken from this
mine, and q good share of the whole
product of the globe. The total
product of refined copper produced in
1882, was $4,000 tons. The Burra-
Burra mine of South Africa, worked
for twenty-one years. did not yield as
much copper as was raised from the
depths of the Calumet mine in the two
years of 1880 and 1881. 1t should be
borne in mind that only virgin copper
comes from the Lake Superior mines,
and not copper ores, which mines in
other regions yield, which ores have to
be treated" and refined to produce
copper.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
Farm Machinery i'm Germany.

The following figures in relation to
machinery used on German farms,
taken from arecently published volume
of imperial statistics, are interesting at
the present time. That the conditionlof
the small German cultivators has been
steadily going from bad to worse of
late years is q fact now universally adj
mitted. OF 5,276, 344 farms only 391, =
TAG used machinery at all. OF these,
S36 used steam-plows, 63, S42 sewing
machines. 1864 mowing-machines,
and 374, 057 used steam or other thrash
ing-machines. Thus not much over 7
per cent. used machinery at all, and
of these by far the larger proportion
only the thrashing-machine. Three
fourths of the" whole agricultural in
dustry used no machinery, 1000, 600
peasants dispensing with it altogether.
The farms between % and 125 acres,
numbering roughly 600, employed
in round figures $4,000 thrashing-
machines. Manifestly, agriculture con-
Quoted on such system is carried on
at enormous disadvantages against the
competition of large farming, whether
at home or abroad. OF the fearful
waste of labor involved in this small
tillage it is unnecessary to insist; this
has been made quite clear by recent
publications in all languages. Nothing
but the excessive labor of men, women,
and children on poor food enables the
small farmer to keep going at all.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21

The remarkable phase in the practice Of DR.
Peter w. Schmidt frequently called DIR. Pete
is he never asked one TO describe their disease
but tells each one their trouble without asking
question. His success is phenomenal His
practice enormous He is sought after by hun
dreds wherever he goes, because he cures when
every other physician and remedy have failed.
He has allowed his great medicines, Golden Seal
Bitters and Lung Food for Consumption, to be
offered to the suffering, and we assert without
fear of successful contradiction that there is
no disease they will not cure. Thousands of
bottles have been sold Thousands of broken
down and discouraged invalids saved. Send TO
Golden Seal Bitters Company, Holland City,
Mich. for Facts for the Millionl Free.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
A Camille StimuIus

Is impaired to the kidneys and bladder by Hos
letters Stomach Bitters which is most useful In
overcoming torpidity OF these organs. Besides
infusing more activity into them, this excellent
tonic endows them with additional vigor and
enables them the better TO undergo the wear
and tear Of the discharging function imposed
upon them by nature. Moreover, as they are
the channel for the escape Of certain impurities
from the blood. increases their usefulness by
strengthening and BEAUTIFULLY stimulating
them. In certain morbid conditions Of these
important organs they fall into sluggish state,
which is the usual precursor OF disease. What,
then, can be of greater service than medicine
which impels them TO greater activity when
slothful? No maladies are more perilous than
those which affect the kidneys, and medicine
which averts the peril should be highly es-
faau cd
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
Strange Ways OF the M odern Young Man.

at seems to me that the young men
nowadays have some queer ways about
them" remarked old Mrs. Pipkin, as she
Invested herself of her wrappings after
O trip down town.
"Why SO. mother?" asked her son.
"Why, in the street car to-day there
were two young fellows, and one said
to the other: Where's your over
coat? In soak replied the other one /;
where's yours?' Same place. was
the answer, mine has been in soak all
summer Now when i was young
woman the men used to put their over
coats in trunk with camphor and
things to keep away the moths, but 1
suppose the latest style is to put them
in soak. I'd think it would take all the
shape out of them. "-Pittsbltrg Chron-
icIp
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21

Dr. Robert Newton, late President Of the Ec-
lectic College, of the city of New York, and
formerly of Cincinnati, Ohio, used DIR. WM
Halls BALsAM very extensively in his prac-
tice, as many of his patients, now living, and
restored 10 health by the use of this invaluable
medicine, can amply testify. He always said
that 80 good remedy ought to be prescribed
freely by every physician as sovereign rem
edy in oil cases of lung diseases. 1t cures con-
sumption, and has no equal for all pectoral
complaints.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
He Was BOycOtted.

"Ah, good-morning; nice morning,
was the salutation of q Hartford gen.
tleman to his friend. How are all the
folks?"
"Oh, nicely. AS well as could be
expected"
"Why, what is the matter?"
"Oh, nothing much. I've been boy
cotted, that's all.
"Boycotted
Eyes. My third girl was born yes
terday. "-HdrUord Post.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
Powerful Explosives.

Nearly all explosive substances are
nitro-compounds or notifications of
them. One class owe their origin to
cun-cotton and the other to nitro
elvcerine; and these are essentially
the same thing, gun-cotton being made
by the nitrifcation of q liquid sub
stance. Gun-cotton, common ex-
plosive that has been in use nearly
forty years, is made by saturating COM
mon cotton with strong nitric acid.
Nitro-glycerine is compound of
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
Court Wit.

II want You to understand that 1
know my business, and can give you
points, sir" irately shouted one lawyer
to another in the Supreme Court.
"From the looks of your nose, I'll
freely admit that you have practiced at
the bar more than l." quietly replied
the other.-CdlJornia Maverick
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21

MENsMAN's PERFORMED BEEF Tonic, the
only preparation of beef containing its en-
tire nutritious properties. IL contains blood.
making, force-generatng, and DEMONSTRATING
properties; Invaluable for Indigestion, dys-
pepsa, nervous prostration. and ali forms OF
general debility; also, in all enfeebled condi-
tions, whether the result of exhaustion merry
Gus prostration, overwork, or acute disease,
particularly II resulting from pulmonary
complaints Caswell. Hazard q Co., proprle-
tors, New York. Sold by druggists.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
have been bothered with catarrh fol

4 have been bothered with catarrh Tor
about twenty years. / could not tell how
many different remedies i have tried and
none seemed TO reach my case like Ely
Cream Balm. / had lost my smell entirely
for the last fifteen years, and l had almost
lost my hearing. My eyes were getting so
dim had to get some one to thread my
needle. Now have my hearing as well as
ever had, and ] can see to thread as fine q
needle as ever did, and my smell is partly re
stored, and il seems to be imT rowing all the
time. / think there is nothing Ike Ely &
Cream Ba i'm for Catarrh.-Mrs. 4. T.. Grimes,
81 Valley street, Rendrill. Perry Co.. Ohio.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21

DIR. FITcH, of Honolulu, believes that
leprosy is not communicable from per-
son to person, except by heredity, and
that it is really fourth stage of syph-
ills. or form of scrofula subsequent to
syphilis occurring in persons of q
broken-down constitution. -Dr. Foote'S
Health Monthlu.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
put up- ar the GauIt House.

The business man or tourist will find first
class accommodations at the low price OF 50
and g.. so per day at the Gault House, Chica-
go, corner Clinton and Madison streets. This
far-famed hotel is located in the center of the
city only one block from the Union Depot.
Elevator; all appointments first-class.
HOYT & GATES. Projectors.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21

THERE is New England Judge
named Eek, who is reported as origin
ating some very funny sayings. He
doubtless presides over the court Of
Eck-WittY.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21

was not more fearful than are the marks OF
skin Diseases and yet DIR. Pierce's "Golden
Medical Discovery 10 certain cure for all
OF them. Blotches, pimples, eruptions pus-
tules, scaly incrustations, Jumps, infiamed
patches. salt~rheum, letter. boils. carbun-
Giles. ulcers, old sores, IRE by its use healed
quickly and permanently.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
Free to Minister'S, Lawyers, Doctors,
and Teachers.

I will send two bottles of WARMERS
WHITE WINE OF TAR SYRUP-best remedy
in the wOrld for Coughs, Colds, Throat and
Lung Diseases-if you will recommend it to
your friends, and get your dealer to order a
dozen bottles from his Wholesale druggist.
Send name of your druggist. Map of Holy
Land free with medicine. Address DR.. G.. ID.
WARNER, Chicago, Ill. All druggists.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-01-21
Was on Another "Lay."

A correspondent writes: II send
you little poem called The Lay of
the Lark If accepted, let me know.
Rejected, with thanks. II you will
send few specimens of the lay of the
hen we will accept.-Bttrlington Free
Press.