Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-01-13
NEWSP4PE2 WIT

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burlington Free Press.
TRULY this is marvellous age of in
vention. A Portland man has in
vented combined wagon-iack and
step-mother.-C California Maverick.
A WHITE flag with a black square
means "cold wave," and a red flag
with black square means a general
storm. A red flag means a cold day
for the man whom the sheriff is selling
out.-Gncinnah Commercial Gazette.
You have to call for saherheitstand-
stickor in Sweden when you want a.
match. Usually it is daylight before
you get through, and you don't need
one. The Swedes are very economi-
cal people.-SomerviZ7e Journal.
A MISLEADING Odor.-First student
see you have been burning midnight
OIL" Second student-"No; that's O.
couple Of old shoes l threw into the
stove. "-Iidbits.
The name of Spain's baby Queen is
Maria de las Mercedes Isabel Teresa
Christina Alfousa Jacinta, Princess de
Astorias. The hireling who will have
to call that young lady in from her
rompings when supper is ready, has a
large contract on his hands.-COurier-
Journal.
SOME one placed a piece of Limburg-
er cheese in the lining Of a Santa Cruz
merchants hat this week, and the
merchant has been loudly proclaiming
that the city needs q sewer system
right away, as the smell of sewer gas
was something awful.-!Santa Cruz
(CaI) Sentinel.
''PLEAsE, ma am, may [ be ex-
cused ?" 'Why do you wish to be ex-
cused ?" II want to go home" "What
for?" "Coz there's new family NOV
ing in next door to US, and | want to
see how many loads of furniture
they've got" She remained in school.
-Danvizle Breeze.
In a. police court the other day
Judge asked: prisoner at the bar, is
there anything you wish to say before
sentence is imposed upon your" The
prisoner looked wistfully toward the
door and remarked that he would like
to say "Good evening, if it would be
agreeable to the company. "-COlun1-
bia Jurist.
NAO sui pI1SCo set Ou COI1le OuU
OF a saloon with that disreputable old
tramp, Colonel. Did you invite him
to drink? '' "No, certainly not" re-
piled the colonel, Strengthening up;
"but felt sorry for the poor old chap.
and when he asked me to take some
thing l hadn't the heart to refuse.''-
New York Sun.
THERE is a grimness in French satire.
1t is related that, not long after the
late election in France, a workman
in a wineshop roared: "No more en-
perOrs! No more princess Hang all
sovereignsl The people are sovereign
now" Cali right; hang them, too,"
quietly remarked a Conservative who
was standing by.
LITTLE JACK-"What did papa mean
by saying that he was captain of this
ship?" Mamma-"Ob, that is his
way of saying that he is the head of
the house." Little Jack-"If papa is
captain, what are your" Mamma
"Well, [ suppose must be the pilot"
Little Jack-"Oh, then must be the
compass ?'' Mamma-"The compass!
why the compass?" Little Jack
"Why, the captain and pilot are al
ways boxing the compass, you know"
Every Other Sa turday.
''I DREAMPT a strange, strange
dream OF bliss; thought that some
one came in and held my soul in one
long kiss and softly spoke my NAME"
The above narrowing tale is written
by latter-day poet, and is false.
Unless his name is Pstswipft she never
hau nj nh
his soul Gin one long kiss" We are
reliably informed that no names are
mentioned during paroxyisms OF the
kind the poet described. Trot out an
other poet.-Minneapois Tribune.
A VERY pretty littleg girl, only years
old, attracted the attention of pas
sengers in a New York train for this
city, the other day, and finally one
gentleman succeeded in getting her up
on his knees. "Where are you going,
sissv?" he inquired. ''I'm dom to
Hartford said the child adding
GIVE dot on new pair of
flannel drawers! Did you ever have q
pair of flannel drawers ?" Further
inquiries were smothered in the laugh
ter of everybody within hearing
Hartford Times.
"HAvE you," he asked in a hoarse
as he leaned over the hotel
you got back room
on the fifth story?" "We have SIR"
''Does it look down upon an area lit
tered with old cans, tin pals and cab
Dage heads?" ''It does" els the
window glass dirty, the paper musty,
and the carpet full of holes?" contin-
1ed the stranger. eyes, SIR" "Then
i've it to me-" ooh, you can't play
10 suicide on u.s." exclaimed the clerk.
You've either got to put up with O.
)arlor bedroom on the second floor,
,r look elsewhere for quarters" And
he poor man had to accept of it.
THE historian doesn't know where
his story had it's actual origin, but
was ''told for true" on recent ocean
-oyage to enliven the company: A
entieman who had INDUCED quite too
RELY, and hadn't had the discovery
nade for him in season to get car
lage, was helped home by very