Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-08-29

is Likely to Drive the Post Office People
to Suicide.
Ne,p York 2dr.
If Won have distant creditor who is
capable of taking \ delicate hint, you
should, without comment (silence is gold
EN-, enclose his unreceipted bill in an en-
velope bearing his address, and, having
placed the stamp upside down on the right
upper corner mail it. In the language of
the post Office this means write no more. "
"Just about this time of the year, " said
the veteran assistant postmaster of Brook
lyn, Mr.. Smith, "a large proportion of the
letters mailed to the various summer re-
sorts, and in ninety-ninc cases out OF a
hundred, addressed to Miss So-and7So,
have the stamp placed in some peculiar
position. This doubles the work o f the
canceller, and sometimes results in these
letters being rejected at first as unstamped.
1t is only of recent years that the practice
has assumed the proportions of an annual
nuisance The force of habit impels all
sensible men and WOMEN to put the stamp
on the upper right hand corner of the en-
velope. straight up and down. Only lovers
and lunaticS stick it on where the canceller
has got to hunt for it,"
Last week young man of unquestion-
able intelligence and old enough to claim
American citizenship visited Mr.. Smith in
n pitiable condition of despair and wanted
him to stop letter addressed TO n young
lady at the Kaaterskill Mountain House
He had dropped it into letter box fastened
to Clinton avenue lamp-pOst.
'Is the address wrong?" asked the as
sistant postmaster.
mo; the address is fatally correct, re-
piled the young man between gIspS for
breath.
isn't itstamped?" further inquired Mr.
Smith.
Eyes, and that's the trouble" said the
Young man. 'You see, the young Lady
and | are not exactly engaged, but we
would be if it wasn't for her mother. She
is down on me, and reads all my letters to
her daughter So we don't say much in
our letters, but speak unutterable things
by FASTING the stamps according to the
code. Her mother isn't aware that there
is code got the stamp wrong on the
letter mailed to-day, and will give 50 for
chance to fix it,"
The assistant postmaster finally consented
to one of the carriers looking over the mail
from the Clinton avenue route. The letter
was found The young man was too hap
DIV to speak. He was not allowed to mutt
late the envelope, which was stamped on
the upper left-hand corner, straight up
and down So with feverish haste he pro-
duced another stamp and glued it over the
first one, but upside down. Blushing with
the heat and consciousness of acting like
lunatic, he exclaimed:
Upside down means Il lOveyou' Right
up and down means 'GoOd-by, sweetheart,
good-by.' What would she have thought
if that letter had reached herr"
Mr.. Smiths curiosity was aroused. Here
was cipher mystery that he had always
attributed to the transitory idiocy of unset
tied minds. Filled with gratitude, the
the yonng man gladly disclosed the gloss
airy of the postage stamp vernacular. The
secrets of the upper left hand corner are
many and momentOus. Here also the
message, ''My heart is anOther's," may be
conveyed by placing the stamp crosswise.
BY swerving the little parrallelogram to
right angle the dreadful confession, Il hate
YOU" stands revealed.
In the event of your wife becoming so
much interested i'll the nature OF your cor
respondence rs to wish it to cease, all that
she need do is to stamp your letters for
YOU in thoughtful Wifely way, and by
simply putting the head of George Wash
ington up side down on the right hand up
per corner, tell the fair unknown to write
no more"
Very coyly the maiden You love may say
you may, by putting the stamp in the cen
tire of the lower edge of the envelope, which
may contain only formal note Of inquiry
after your health or nothing At all. With
equal ooyness she may convey the glad It'd
ings OF Eyes" by planting the bust Of
George in the middle Of the top border.
Perhaps YOU are in serious doubt rs to
her real feelings toward you, despite the
fact that she danced with you until no little
comment was excited. You dare not ask
her if she loves yop. To write might seem
equally pleSuniptuous Just pen dis
passionate note of invitation TO the theatre
and mail il with the usual tax receipt ad-
herring to the lower right hand corner ut an
angle of forty-fve degrees toward the name
of the State Her perfumed missiye, %:
lite but firmly declining your Invitation,
will reach you with the stamp affixed to
the upper left corner, but crosswise, which
tells YOU that your life is wrecked because
she loves another Had You been wise
Won would have asked only her friendship
and have waited and worked for her love.
You might have dong this ny stamping
your invitation 0bliqueiy in the top corner
of the right, or, better still, you might
have impressed her with the humility Of
your spirit by placing the stamp ut q right
angle on the lower corner OF the left, which
means, II seek your acquaintance. ~
ter on you could have asked her TO accept
your love by boldly giving the mask OF the
Ratchet hero rigidly up and down on the
line with the surname toward the left
Should the stamp be e Tight angle,
although in the same place, she expresses
her longing 10 see you 50 unmirtakably
that il is doubtless 4 case Of love ut first
sight.
1t sometimes happens, that very seldom,
| that woman writes q letter without a
postscript injunction to reply IMMEDIATE
ly." Occasionally she PMS this In the
body Of the letter and has to think Of some
other excuse for postscript. Should this
be forgotten until the letter is sealed and
directed, much trouble may be saved by
causing the postage stamp to cling upon
the middle of the right hand edge.
! 1t is understood that Postmaster Hendrix
will hereafter employ special clerk to
keep track of cratic passage stamps, 50
that at the close of the season he may be
able to supply reliable data upon the