The Warner sun. (Warner, Brown Co., Dakota [S.D.]) 1885-1???, 1886-08-06

A Man Whom Everybody Likes, But q
Bad Old Fraud for ali That.

Do you know my friend, the major.
He is rare bird. He is an optomist
on principle, and liar because he
can't help it. To know the major is a
liberal education, at least SO far as the
fine art of prevarication is concerned.
The major first attracted my attention
during the war. He was exempted
from the service on account OF some
slight disability, but as soon as hos
ttiiiities opened he announced his ten
tion OF joining the army. He made no
secrets of his determination even to
strangers. Whenever he saw a crowd
of able.Eodied young men he would
introduce himself, congratulate them
upon their manifest ability to serve
their country in the field, and wind up
with the statement that, although
cripple himself, he did not propose to
be cheated out of his share OF the
glory, and was then making his ar
rangements to go to the front.
The effect of this kind Of talk may
be imagined. In those days everybo-
dy was patriotic or nothing. Many q
timid man was made SO ashamed of
himself by the Majors devotion to the
Confederacy that he precipitately vol
unteered and marched off with mus.
ket on his shoulder. All through six
ty-one and sixty-two this gallant pa
triot gave himself up TO his work.
Finally it began to dawnupon us that
he was losing good deal of time, and
missing all the fighting right straight
along. Something of the sort was
limited to him, but he promptly ST.
fenced all criticism. He had been de-
layed by SO many things, he said.
First. he had intended to join Col.
Blanks regiment, brit the Colonel was
killed, and that caused him to change
his plans. He had found it difficult
to decide between the infantry, caval-
ry, and artillery branches of the SER
vice. He had also thought of the ma
Wy, and at that very time was watt
ing to hear from q certain admiral,
who was an old friend.
After hearing these voluble explana-
tions, men would wink significantly at
each other, but they kept their suspi-
cions to themselves. 1t was useless
to make war on the Major. He was
hand III glove with the authorities,
and the women were all on his side.
The sacrifice which he proposed to
make in going into the army in spite
Of his exemption stirred the feminine
heart, and so much was said about it
that scores of men less fit for duty
than the Major found themselves un-
able to stand the pressure. They
rushed off to the army, but the Major
still fingered at home.
During the siege OF Atlanta my old
friend made himself very useful, and |
think hurried up matters not little.
He attached himself to flag of truce
party one day, and although present
as citizen, he wore an officers coat.
He strolled about, got left by his par
ty, and was picked up by the Federals
as a spy. He was SO defiant, SO
yoluble and so bright that he was car
ried before Gen. Sherman. In the pres
snce of this terrible commander the
Major did not abate one jot of his
natural dignity. He explained his po-
sition satisfactorily, and, in response
to the questions put to him said that
Atlanta was defended by 10000 men;
that Gen. Hood had 200 big guns un-
limited ammunition, and all the sup
plies he needed. The garrison, he
said, would be reinforced by 10000
militia from the South Atlantic States
inside often days. To make him stop
his everlasting jaw, Sherman ordered
him to be escorted to the COME derate
lines.
As soon as the Major got back to
the city, he was interv ewed by every
body from Gen. Hood down to the
newsbeys. To all these searchers
after truth the Major was graz
cious and communicative. He
said that Sherman's force, at
moderate estimate, amounted to 140,-
600 men, and so, 900 more were on
the way. He had seen 800 heavy siege
guns placed in position and had learned
that it was the programme to open
fire on the city with all Of them in
forty eight hours. He. had also seen
q brass band with instruments cost
ing $4,000. This band had just ar
rived from Washington and had been
sent for to furnish the music when
Sherman ehis grand entry into the
city.
Looking back to those DAYS, | can
easily see that the majors fearful
yarns must have driven both Sher-
man and Hood nearly crazy. Both
generals made some very eccentric
movements soon afterwards, and my
old friend was doubtless responsible
for the whole business. After los
ing sight of this amiable person
age for nearly a score OF years, /
found him some time ago comfort ably
established in q small town, not hum
lred miles from here. Time had dealt
gently with him. He was rotund and
rosy, and his face wore perpetual
smile. ] accepted an invitation to
ride with him into the country, and