The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1886-01-02
MISUNDERSTANDING.
From Phaadelphia Ledger.

From Philadelphia Ledger.
Men all admit in a general way that
there are very few things which they thor
oughly and completely understand Wheth-
er it be fact or a process in nature,
social question or simple object, they feel
their limitations and acknowledge that their
knowledge is but partial When, however,
they come to consider some of the most
complex, delicate and difficult of all prob
lems-namely the thoughts, feelings, inten-
tions and motives of other people, they no
longer retain the same modest opinion of
their ability. Here they feel competent to
judge and decide Here they think they
understand, if not wholly, at least enough
to warrant them in approving or condemn
ing. Especially in their own relations to
other people do they entertain this self
confidence. They undertake to read every
page of ones conduct toward them and to
discern the motives that prompt it; to in
terpret every change of manner, and to at
tribute to correct sources everything he
may do or say. To be sure they do not
avowedly make this claim, but their con-
duct usually shows that they make it in
reality
Yet of all things in the world, the heart
and intentions of another person are the
hardest to understand. When men look
into their own secret natures and see the
wonderful complexity of desire and motive
and aim that reigns there they cannot hon
estly declare that they understand them
selves. But when they consider how much
more hidden from their gaze is the mind of
another; how many influences, of which
they can know nothing, combine to make
him what he is and to lead him to do what
he does; how different inheritance, differ
ent training and different circumstances
must make nature different from their
own-it seems the height of presumption
and folly to attempt from their own stand
point to fathom or to expound it.
This lack of understanding is not in itself
culpable, except in so far as it may arise
from lack of sympathy. 1t is to a great
degree necessity of limited capacity. But
where the fault comes in is that men refuse
to accept it as such. They trust arrogant
ly to their powers perception and insight,
their thoughts and by their words. 1t is
not the lack of understanding others so
much as the presumptuous misunderstand-
ings that lie at the root of most of the Bit
terness, heart-burnings, dislikes and con-
tention that affiict and disgrace mankind.
1t is that men will not admit their ignor-
ance of what-is in their neighbor's heart
but 90 on confdentaly making up theories
to account for his actions on the basis of
their own small and limited experience.
Of course, in this way, they frequently, if
not habitually, misunderstood and mis-
judge him. 1t is thus that many friend
ships are broken, and many more have the
bloom of their love and trust rubbed off.
One person is naturally demonstrative, and
will not believe that true affection can exist
under a reserved and impassive exterior
So when his friend, who is constituted
differently, does not express affection, he
takes it for granted that he feels none, and
is hurt and unhappy in consequence.
Another is exact in all his engagements,
punctilious in his correspondence and scru-
pulous in observing customs or etiquette.
When he meets with one who is lax in
these things, he Immediately concludes that
he is intentionally rude, and means to give
offence or to cast slight, and he puts
himself at once into an antagonistic attitude
One who is sensitive himself and careful
not to wound another meets with rough,
blunt but kind-hearted neighbor, yet
through his gruff and churlish manner he
sees nothing but ill-nature and aversion.
Thus in countless different ways people
misunderstood each other, attribute motives
which never actuated them, and they re-
spond by their own conduct to the mistak-
en- image they have set up. The real
falts of character and the real defects
of conduct which are present among
us are as nothing compared with those
imaginary ones which are attributed to
people wholly through misunderstanding.
The only efectual remedy for this pro-
life source of discord and distress is the
growing conviction in the minds of we'll
disposed people, that they cannot fathom
the character and motives Of others, and
the consequent determination that will not
attempt to judge them by their own STAN
dard. Men soon learn the differences of
face aud form and accept them without
dispute. There are even greater differ
ences in mind and character, and it is only
to expect an equal variation in
the conduct that flows from them. 1t is
not necessary to understand people in or
der to prevent misunderstanding them; but
it is necessary to bear constantly in mind
how small is any ones ability to compre-
hend them, and how littie right he has to
pronounce upon c: judge them. The
nearest approach that can be made to the
truth in this matter will be made through
this spirit of humility, aided by the power
of sympathy, and the unfailing trust in the
of good over evil,