The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1886-04-15

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very glad to hear II. - sss sissjSS-. g+,.s
ADgelina--'.Realyp
Augustus - "Rtallyl" (After a
paase.) II say, don't YOU think sit
would be nlce---p"
Angelina (encouragingly)- )-"Yes."
Augustus--''I WAS gong to say, y,don't
you think 1t would be nice to 60 out
and get some ,oystersP' ,sg-, ~
Angina (snappishly )--"No, hate
'em."
TRAVELLER TO WAlTER-"Is this
my rooml" Isl
"Yes, sab" ,s' l,e
"There are two beds in 1t. I don't
want two beds. i What's the other one
fvrY"
de next man, sab. - ,N 4.ts ., :.
"What man? Thought I paid for
the right of being exclusive here"
$50 you can, sah: so you can -, T..
"How am going to manage thatP~
tDoan speak Ter him." ... -.
SCAN you refer me- to your last em-
ployerp" inquired a Detroiter of u man
who had applied for the position OF
COachman. ~. ,-grre !, r. ...~F,
"Yes, sir."&
Every we'll you can call to morrow. !"
The man took his leave, but returned
In q moment to observe;
II forgot to say that left because
we kicked each other. AS he kicked
twice as last and twice as hard as did
he ought to be willing to give me good
"HELLo ,SergeantI' exclaimed SOL
dier rs he caught sight Of an old COM
rade reclining on one Of the settees in
City Hall Park.
IL wish you would address me by
my proper title he replied: I'm left.
tenant now"
"Indeeda How did you get your
raiser" .I
''By my landlords foot.'
EMPLOYER Ito clerk): "John, that
clock you bought for the factory will
never do in the world. Take it back
and get one without hell"
Ctrk-"What's the matter with 1t;
don't you like itp" .n
Employer-"No, I am afraid 1t will
breed d.ssension among the men. 1t
strikes every hour"
BAaLEY-"That' remarkable child
of yours, Bailey
BAILEY Yes, I don't know his
equal tor ten years old. He's got u
greater sense of humor than many peo.
pie three times his age"
Bagley-"What do you suppose he'll
develop into?"
Bailey-''l shouldn't be surprised to
sec him an obituary reporter IN time. I"
I'VE must send lIm 10 Congress; he's
one OF these What.d'ye cull-'em Laws
yers." %
"What sort cf q lawyer is that?"
"Well, can't think OF the term
but he's remarkable line poker llayer.n
''Ah, see; he must be Il great con-
stitutlonal lawyer2'
Yes, that's lt-a great constitution
al lawyer. He'd make hls ma,k in
Congress-.
''lT seems to ue," said Vermont
judge 10 his daughter, that your young
man calls good many times week.
MY court doesn's sit anywhere near as
often rs yours does"
"Oh, well, papa" was the blushirg
reply, 81 am engaged to him you know,
and That entities us 10 a court Of special
sessions.
ARE you aware, sir, that this bill
has teen running too long?" asked an
irAle'creditor of Fitzynnber. H,
'Oh, 1t has, has. i,Y' blandly an
swered the genial Fn2, then. beg of
you, my friend, ,as an act If kindness to
the poor thing, let it rest awhile"
A YOUNG man with violin box In
one hand and flute under his arm vas
bustling around and trying to engage
summer board In town the other day.
1t ls unnecessary to say that he didn't
succeed.
SMITH met Jones OH the deck. of an
ocean steamer one calln moru,ng after
deveral days of very rough weather.;
"Wny, declare, JONES'" said Smith,
'you look years older than when | last
saw yOu." mo wonder" answered
Jones, "l've had several bertndays
lately"
vt oCToR," said Mr.. Groanhy, slook
at my awful face? Jones hit mo in the
eye with club Satur ay night: what
shall ! ~ for itp' And as The medl-
enc man drove rapidly away, back
came the sympathetic answer: Take
offense, man; take offensel"
A RACY story Is told of an old lady
who refused to be comf(rted by her
PASTORS assurance that when he left
shewould havea better pastor as his sue
cessor. Ma, na." she SAID, II have
seen fourteen changes in the ministers
since have attended the kirk, and
every one has been waur than anither.n
$50 your wife Is deadP" said the
Governor Of Arkansaw to rural ac.
qurintance. mo, she amt dead.n
"Why, l heard some time, AGO that
she was dyingp" ."Yes, l Thought
she was dyin' Guv'ner, but airter all
(she husselled round and disappointed
me.D ." - tE-% : -
"YoU look as If you had been kissed
by q breeze from Northland,n SAID
poetic young lady to pretty friend,
whose checks were glowing with color.
"Oh, no." was the laughing reply:
ut was only a soft heir from Balii-
LII rather sdisgusted aSsV Vermonta man
"hobWcnt TO q Ieighbor 's farm to 8 cal
q copsto find Wien he got the annual
home that t was his sOWn@ COW which
his nei@lllS5r fladt stOlen paY1iar In7'iI,o