Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-06-23
NEWSPAPER WIT.

DRY organ Z! asked q Boston teacher
OF d pupil. "No, SIR" was theprompt
reply. Correct" The pupil seemed
but held his peace.
"MARY, do you know what miracle
is?" said lady Sunday school teach
er to one of her class. "Yes'm; ma
says if you don't marry our new
parson it will be miracle"
."I KNOW a poor young man." re-
marked Smedgely to Bullfnger. "who
is wounded By Capid's dart" as,
try whisky; that's good Tor snake
bites'
GIVE are going out with the tied,"
said q young man to q friend, as he
filed down the church aisle after a
wedding. "In that case" said lady
in front, ''you can afford to get off my
train"
AN illustration of ruling passion:
Actress you think this is g.
very pretty ornament? Deaf old lady
Isl t? Actress SITS passe part
out. Deaf old lady-A pass for two?
Oh, thank you!
''PA," inquired little boy, "if you
can say that people run for office
why can't you say people walk for of
q hurry to walk" exclaimed the in
telligent father-New York Sun.
AN Irish peasant being asked why ne
permitted his pig to take up it's quar-
ters with his family, made an answer
Astounding with satirical naivete:
"Why not? Doesn't the place afford
every convenience that pig can re-
quire?"
81 SEE they are trying to put a stop
to all betting in New York" "I'm
glad of it. Betting is a pernicious
practice. l hope they will stop it"
"But they can't do it." Cant do
it I'll bet you $50 they can. "-Chi-
oago News.
AN echo from the schoolroom: The
end OF the year approaches and ex-
aminations are in order. The follow
ing is quoted from one of the papers:
"Question-For what is Strasburg
noted? Answer-For possessing a
gothic spinster 400 feet high. "-Bos-
ton Post.
"HAvE you heard the news, Pat ?"
said a jester to an Irishman. can
phwat's that, sor?' ''The devil is
dead" "Take that, sor, it's all have
by me, or / might do BETTER" said
Pat, handing him a penny, 81 never
send an orphant away empty
handed"
"MY deah bred'ren," vouchsafed
Pompey at an open air meeting called
to discuss the fisheries troubles, "de
subjec' oh de-bait am" Cat this
conjuncture the earth is supposed to
have opened and swallowed him, as
he suddenly disappeared, and has not
been seen since.
"BEEN to Philadelphia. Ell? Make
any acquaintance there?" 'Ishould
say I did. Was introduced every
where. By the way, you lived there
once, believe. Suppose you know
all the society people?" "Don't know
any. You see | was born there and
my parents lived on the wrong side of
the street. ''-Chicago News.
'YEs," said barber to his custom
er, "I'm an Italian count. My father
is the Duke Baricelli Muscallonge Gar
ibaldi del Plaza. Pm his only son."
"Aren't you and your father on good
terms? ?" asked the customer. "Oh,
yes. In fact, send the old gentleman
So every week out of my wages. p
New York Sun.
SAYS the Burlington (Vermont)
Free Press: eve find alderman in
the dictionary, but not DOODLE
How is this? ?" They are still very
green up in the Green Mountain state.
Isn't our esteemed contemporary
aware that the presence of the calder
man. is satisfactory reason for the
absence of the "boodle ?"-Boston
Transcript.
The cOlporteur had crossed over the
line into Kentucky without knowing
it, and as he entered the tavern with g.
handful of tracts, he said: SGentle-
men, may ask you to" and every
gentleman then and there arose from
his chair, took his quid from his mouth
and cast it behind the stove, and
sauntering briskly toward the carpen-
ter shop said: Thanks, don't care if
Ido." And then, seeingh he was in Ken
lucky, the colporteur sjined the gen.
tlemen. "-BrOok1yn Eagle.
DURING the terrific thunder storm
ClaU came over w dSuluSGOu one Ody
little 8-year-old boy living
in the north part OF the town was
awakened, and called his mother, who
was sitting in the drawing-room down
stairs. She sat with him little while,
and told him he need have no fears,
because God took care of little boys,
and would not let the lightning hurt
them. "But God is way up in heav-
en- replied the child. "Yes," replied
the mother, ''but He is here, too. He
is staying right in the room with you.
He can protect you, but cannot. As
long as God is here you need not be
afraid" The child was quoted, and
the mother left him and went back to
the drawing-room. Pretty soon there
came another deafening clap OF thun-
der, when the boy, crawling out of bed,
came to the head of the stairs, and
called again ssWhat do you want,
George?" asked his mother. "You
come up here and stay with God
awhile, and. let me go downstairs"