davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-02-04
HUMOROUS.

-Teachcr-'If your father gives you
five apples and your brother gives you
three. how many have yOu?" john
mel guess, enough for one day
Toledo blade.
A new book is called .'Humor in
Animals There must be some very
brilliant humorists" among animals,
or there wouldn't be so many laugh
ing hyenas''. This joke is not gnu
NorristoaUa Herald
-Student-"I have been thinking
upon the subject of the alarming prev
alence of divorces, and l almost be-
lievc l have discovered the cause
Professor delightfully."- - Eyes, yes;
what is itp" Student-"Marriage."-
Chicago Tribune.
"A cOlored man went into a Calves
ton newspaper office and wanted to
subscribe to the paper. "How long do
you want it?" asked the clerk. "Jes
as long as it is, boss; if it don't fit the
shelves. kin tar piece off myself"
N Y. Graphic.
"A dry-goods clerk took his girl out
for ice-cream the other night, and in q
moment of Observation-Disclosures, think
ing that he was waiting upon custom
or, said cordially: Anything elseP"
She took lemonade and cake. -
Rochester (N. ~ Democrat.
MIR. Ncwrich (doubtfully)-"Jane.
dear, what is this they say in the pa
pers about us? Parvenue? What does
it mean?" Mrs. Newrich (composedly)
-"Some compliment to our standing
in sassicty, dear; don't know many
of those Italianish phrases. Pitts
6nrgh Post.
"A composition of one of the boys
in West Side school was as follows:
''Girls is the only folks what has her
own way every time and allus does
what they is mind to and don't care
nothing about nobody else and father
says the less l know about them the
better off am. Chicago Telegram.
Have you got the ring?" inquired
the minister Of the young man when
they got to that part of the ceremony.
Gosh, if 1 haven't forgotten it! Tell
you, parson, don't know what we're
going TO dc unless you use my hitching
strap. It's out in the buggy. Guess
you can tie us with that, can't you'll
Exchange.
"A Vermont woman, who attempted
suicide by drowning, found the water
80 cold that she changed her mind and
went home damp and shivering. Wom-
en- should know that it is very danger
Gus to attempt suicide by drowning
when the water is cold. They might
fatal case Of pneumonia.
NorristOUn Herald
-"What is the population of the
world, papa?" asked six-year-old Edith,
who was making up sums for herself
on . new slate. "You must not in
terrupt me now. Edith said her father.
who was waiting at the same table.
''Go to Miss Smith," referring to her
governess. Her father was not so busy.
however. but that he heard and was
by her saying in q low tone
soon after: II know how can find ont
myself. I'll look in the back of the
for the United States and
Tor Europe, and then I can add Aunt
Mary's and Aunt Jessie's baby. and
Mat will give it to me exactly."-Her.
p~'s Basor.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-02-04

reason to believe actually occuri ed, the
long life of the little creature is only
one of the interesting points. 1t is
| very remarkable that it returned to its
starting-pOint after sixty years. How
f..:- it had roamed during that long in
terval, what sights it had seen, and
what thoughts it had thought, are be-
yond guessing. But back it came.
after an average lifetime, to see in his
old age the person by whom IN his boy
hood it had been marked for life.
There are some few other specimens
of land tortoise in this country. There
is one on the western prairies cOnsid-
cradle larger than ours. And in the
South there is very large one, known
as the gopher turtle. This creature has
a shell nearly fifteen inches long, and
is so strong that it can move under q
weight of two hundred pounds, SO that
it might easily carry man on its back.
II lives in underground burrows in
sandy forests, and Goes its prowling by
night. often making havoc in the sweet
potato and melon patches of the inhab-
itants. So the good people of the Gulf
States do not altogether relish the
gopher.
1t is the water-turtles, the terrapins
e our fresh waters and the great sea
turtles which are the delight of epicures.
OF the freshwater species we have sew
eral varieties, from a little fellow Of the
waters Of Pennsylvania and New Jer-
scy not four inches long, to the great
and fierce snapping-turtle with shell
nine inches and more in length. 1t is
said to have been taken of four feet in
total length, from snout to end of tail.
To kill this creature does not xiii its
swapping propensities; the head will
live for hours after being cut off. and
has been known to snap Il boys finger
or the leg OF an investigating hen hours
after it ought to have been dead 1t is
not q safe thing to throw the head of a
snapper in the grass as Il trap for prowl-
ing chickens or curious boys.
There is one other odd pecilliarity Of
tOrtoiseS and some other reptiles with
which we may conclude. ii we want
to breathe freely. we open our mouth
to do SO; but if the mouth Of tortoise
or toad be kept open by inserting
stick between its jaws, it will soon suf-
fOcate for want of breath
This may seem impossible. yet 1t may
be easily explained. Al the higher
animals breathe by pumping the air
into and out of their lungs. We do
our aiItpumping by means of the dia-
pilragm, Il broad membrane below the
lungs, which moves up and down at
every breath, and opeEs and closes the
lungs successfully. In the tortoise the
mouth is the pump. 1t takes in y
mouthful of air. Then it closes its
lips, contracts the cavity of the HI outh,
and drives the air dHgn into its lungs.
If the mouth be kept open. this pump
will not work. since the air will rush
outward instead of downward.
This is one of tie odd facts of nature.
AS many fish can be drowned by being
fastened under water and not allowed
TO come TO the surface, so many air.
breathers can be suffocated by being
placed in an ocean of air with their
mouths wide open. - Charles Norris,
in Hasper's Young People.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-02-04
THE PANAMA CANAL.
Encouraging and DiscOuraging Views o
the Great Work.

Encouraging and DiscOura&inS Views OF
the Great Work.
M. de Lesseps wants the French
Government to permit him to raise
more money to prosecute the work of
completing the Panama Canal. So far
this authorization has been refused. In
the meantime statements come from
the isthmus that the work is practical
ly q failure. The reasoning runs in
this wise: Estimated amount of exca-
walton required for the canal, including
rock cutting. l25.OOO,O00 cubic meters;
this is the Lesseps estimate, and is be-
lieved to be much too low. Actual
amount of excavation done, $4,000, 900
cubic meters, Or eleven per cent. of the
whole. This is principally in soft
earth. The canal was to be finished,
according to M. de Lesseps, in 1888.
Time is of the essence of his undertake
ing, since he has to pay interest on the
capital employed in construction, in
Guiding the share capital. One-half of
the time has passed. and only one
tenth of the work is done, and this tho
least difficult part. The highest month
ly achievement has been us, 600 cubic
meters; the average was only 1000
per month in 1884. The nature of the
work is such that a more rapid
he expected. If an average Of
700, 900 cubic meters can be maintain
ed, and if the Lesseps estimate of the
total amount required to be done is not
too low, and if tho dreadful Chagres
can be controlled, and if the money is
forthcoming, the canal may be COM
pleted in nine years from the present
time; but Lieutenant Winslow. of the
United States navy. in a recent report,
expresses the opinion that it can not b
finished under any circumstances be-
fore the year 1897. At this rate 1t
would take nearly a thousand million
of dollars to finish the work. In the
mean time the company would be
bahkrupted, and the enterprise would
have to be undertaken by a new syndi-
cate backed by the French Nation.
Then, argue the opponents Of this
work, even if completed it would never
pay, for more time would be consumed
in going from Europe to tho east coast
of Asia by way Of the Panama Canal
than is now necessary in sailing by
way of the Srez Canal and the Indian
Ocean. Time is money, and there
would 3e no money by changing the
steamship travel from the Mediterranean
to the new route vio the Panama Canal.
Still We suspect that II. de Lesseps
would tell different story. We be-
heve the canal will be finished before the
five years are over. DeMorescs
Aontkly.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-02-04
SMALL BEGINNINGS.
Enthusiasm \ WOndrous Factor in Human
Progress.

Progress.
Flushed with the ardor born of
health, good impulses and inexperi-
ence, the young enthusiasts school-boy
days are irradiated with dreams Of a
resplendent future. If of a somewhat
poetical and religious temperament he
will conceive it to be his mission to re-
form society and be benefactor to all
mankind. He is impatient with the
slow, routine methods of mankind in
general and with the injustice which
they tolerate. II cast in grosscr
mold. he will probably resolve to be q
great soldier or statesman or million
aire merchant, who will utilize fame
and power and wealth to assist and en-
courage his less fortunate fellows. But
when the projectors of such ideal fu-
lures are brought into rude contact
with our plodding, wOrk-a-day world
they are too frequently discouraged
and disarmed by the shock which dis
illusions them. Realizing the inability
to fulfill the hopes born of their gener.
Gus though callow impulses, they per-
NIT themselves to swing to the oppo-
site extremity of the arc. Some of
them lose heart, others wrap them
selves up in a shell of selfishness,
sitting the warm sympathies that pre-
viously animated them.
The most valuable lesson that can
be impressed on all young men and
women at the threshold of their ca
reer is that small beginnings are
not to be desp;sed, that small econo-
mics pave the road to wealth. that
genius largely consists of hard, earnest
work. and that Olympus is more often
gained by those who steadfastly climb
than by those who essay to fly. There
is work enough in the world for all
hands to do, wretchedness enough to
be alleviated. and happiness enough to
be attained, for that matter, if we only
set about it in the ri ht way by taking
the task or the duty that is nearest to
us. Many man spends half his years
bewailing his lack of capital when his
wasted dimes and nickels might, il
saved. have established him in q sue
cessful business. Many man and
woman deplore the misery they daily
read of, yet refrain from relieving any
portion of it. AS the oak springs from
the acorn all great reforms develop
from apparently trivial beginnings.
There is NO occasion for being de-
pressed at ones inability to grapple
with all the evil on the planet; begin
with that manifestation of sin or mis-
fortune which is nearest your own
door. Do not be cast down by the
consciousness of how little you can ac-
complish where so much is to be done.
A reservoir may be emptied pint by
pint-even drop by drop. Enthusiasm
is a wondrous factor in human pro-
gress and should be refreshed rather
than chilled by an occasional reverse.
N Y Graphic.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-02-04
AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHY.
How It Assists Scientists, Engineers and
Educators.

How It Assists Scientists, Engineers and
Educators.
The number of people who take
Photographic pictures is increasing
amazingly year by year. Apart from
those who make a living by the profess
sion, there are others to whom it is USE
full in their several occupations. En-
gineers and architects use it for making
pictures of machinery and buildings.
physicians find it handy in keeping a
record of surgical operations. 1t is an
indispensable to artists in sketching;
then newspaper men are enabled to
take a photograph, which is desirable,
now that all the journals are being IL
lustrated. Then great number of
ladies and gentlemen find it q pleasant
amusement to be able to take pictures
Of their friends and relatives. What
repels the gentler sex, however, is the
ill-smelling chemicals which are used
to bring out the pictures on the mega
tives. One of the drawbacks to the
general use of photography to those
who travel has been the necessity of
using glass, which is weighty to car
~ and awkward to use. But this diff
Guilty has been overcome by a new ap-
paratus and process which employees
paper instead of glass for negatives. It
would take too much of our space to
describe this new process. but amateur
photographers viii have no trouble in
finding the new material. Pictures, by
the way, are becoming very popular.
The art work in our magazines is inn
proving as months roll by. The circu-
iation 81 our illustrated weekly papers
Is enormous, and the daily papers are
beginning to invade this popular field.
Men have many tongues, that is. they
speak many dialects. while practically
they have but one eye; hence pictures
form the true universal language.
Educators are beginning to find out
that the intelligence of children can
best be appealed to through the eyes
rather than through the ears.-Dens-
orest's Hossth!y.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-02-04
FOR OUR YOUNG READERS.
A LITTLE POEM.

On. filtle grain in the sandy bars:
Ohe lit, lc tower in field Of flowers;
One little star in Il heaven of stars;
One little hour in year of hours
What if il makes or what il it mars?
But the bar is built of the little grains:
And the little flowers make the meadows
gay;
And tine little stars light tie heavenly plains;
And the little toars Of each itt.c day
Give to US all that life contains.
-Er1est Hhitney. IN st. Nicholas.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-02-04

Tie prevent glass breaking place
lamp chimneys. tumblers and such ar
ticles in pot filled with cold water to
which some common table salt has
been added. Boil the water we'll and
allow it to cool slowly. When the ar
ticles are taken out and washed they
will resist any sudden change of tenn
peratlre.-EIchonqe.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-02-04
WOULDN'T PLAY.

Vv~O60tV GeAbs
Why tile Gri<xled Man from the Hills
Refused to Participate In . Theatrical
Performance.
A dramatic society in Little Rock de-
cided to introduce into one of their
plays . rough character, whose bust
ness it should be to terrorize every
thing in sigtt. The manager of the
dramatic society said that he knew the
very man who could make the char
acter q brilliant success. He had his
eye on lank and grizzled man who
had come down from the hills. and,
when the manager called at q wagon
yard and introduced himself and stated
his business, the character, who said
that his name was Luke Crenshaw, re-
piled:
"Well, Cap'n. I reckon you'll have
ter 'scuse me. never was no hand at
that sorter biz mess"
''Oh, but you can soon learn it. All
we want Of you is to be perfectly natur.
al-want you to come out dressed just
as you are"
Il couldn't come no other way for
these here is all the clothes I've got
What will have ter do?"
"Wcll, you see. there'll be party of
young ladies and gentlemen at little
summer hotel. The company will be
sitting in front of the house. when you
come up. You'll take seat a short
distance away, under tree. Pretty
0-0,,iI Ic,,I Eoft1o 81.
q drink"
Drink NV whut?"
''Oh, whisky, brandy or whatever it
may be-"
''S'poze yer let it be Johnny red
eye"
'.All right. we'll say then that it's
johnny red-eye. You take drink or
two and then address yourself to the
company. The ladies and gentlemen
arise and are in the act of leaving the
place when You compel them to sit
down. Then you take two or three
more drinks and
Look here, what is the size NV the
bottlc?"
"a pint bottle will be large enough"
ono, it won't. a pint wouldn't last
me nigh that long"
81 am glad to see that you want TO
make it appear natural. You may take
quart bottle
'.Who pays fur the whisky?"
"Wly, my friend, the bottle will not
really contain whisky
''Geod-bye."
"HOld on"
IL said goodbye"
"Say, in order to secure your SER
vices, we will let you have a pint of
whisky"
snake it quart"
IL am afraid You might not be able
to play your part
"You don't know ME. Make it
quart or goodbye"
Every well, then, we'll make I. a
quart
I'm yer man. What else must 1
do?'
"Well. while you are talking to tho
ladies and gentlemen a tax assessor
comes up"
go ahead, fur yer air gittin' inter-
estin'."
"You turn from the ladies and gen.
tlemen, suffering them to depart. and
address the tax assessor. You charge
him with having assessed you too high,
and he calls YOU 4 liar. Then you
spring back, whip out a pistol and
shoot the assessor"
"Now yer air ta]kin'."
Shoot the assessor, killing him in
stantly.''
That's fus! rate. Say. I've got the
best pistol in the land-iires every clat-
ter. I've been wantin' ter kill tax
assessor sense ken reckolleck. The
law won't poster me for KILN him,
will it?''
why, my dear sir, You are not to
kill him in earnest"
"Oh, don't poster yerse'f. 1t won't
be nothin' but fun ter me. I'll put it
to him between the eyes"
"You don't understand. You are to
use blank cartridge"
can not hurt him?"
"Of course not"
Goodbye"
"Say. think over"
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-02-04

The Popular Science Nescs asserts
that the average length of life Is con-
stantly increasing. and the time may
COME when persons hundred years
old will excite no more curiosity than
one Of eighty years At the present
time.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-02-04

-..&he had on asuit Of stair carpet, :"
said man who was trying to inform
his wife which Of her friends he had
met in the street-M T. Nail
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-02-18
LIGHTNING-RoD SHARKS.
Quintetts from Chicago Work tn
Farmers In Ohio.

AKRON, o., Feb. Ill. l.. Ly nch, +. B.
Forbes, ID. Donohue, Louis Gray and j. W.
Reynolds arrived in this city on Jan. 81,
and registered ''Chicago" opposite their
names. Their movements have been
somewhat suspicious, and words dropped
by them led people about the hotel
to believe that the quintette was
not engaged in pursuits strictly
honorable. Last evening these i've we'll
dressed men suddenly rushed into their
hotel, up stairs into their rooms, where
they grabbed their baggage ana as quickly
rs carriages could be procured left the
C ty. The occasion of their Sudden flight
was the sight Of certain woman on the
streets and the words ''they are after you"
spoken by a man at the hotel.
1t appears that the Chicago gentlemen
have been selling lightning rods in the vi
entity since their arrival aud that the
fruits OF their labOrs foot up to about 50 81
900 IN hard cash and judgment notes. one
of the victims who bought rods OF these
men is farmer q. q. Roberts OF Northamp-
ton, this county. Hts contract called for
2O5 feet OF rod at no cost and IS
cents per foot for rod above POS feet, the
me n claiming that only few feet more
would be required, and that their object
was to introduce their rod into that
township. Aiter the rods were put
up il was found that Ronarts owed
the men 1850. A twelve months note,
all filled out, was laid down before
Roberts to sign. He objected on
the ground that the work was
not satisfactorily done and that the
amount was in excess of the agreement.
He was informed that If he did not sign
he would not be on his farm twentv-four
hours longer. The burly form of one OF
the five, who gave his name as Ford, was
now bent over Roberts. who, seeing Ford's
hand on his nip pocket, put his name to
the note. A guarantee was given Mr..
Roberts signed Rayburn, Hunter & Co.,
for the American Lightning Rod Com.
pany, No. 240 Jonn street, Philadelphia,
Pa.
To what extent these men have opera
ted here is not yet known. but they al
most nightly reported with additional
sums of money, which are SAID to foot IN
to at least $4,000. The woman on the
street who gave the men such a fright
was Mrs. Roberts, she and her husband
having come here to have the men ar
rested.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-02-18
SUPREME COURT DECISIONS.
JUDGMENT Reserved In the Case o
Wetter We. the Press Company.

JUDGMENT Reserved In the Case OF
Wettsr W. the Press Company.
ATLANTA, Feb. 1.-THE following SUI.
preme Court decisions have been handed
down:
Maynard VS.. Cleveland. Equity, from
Monroe. Continuance; practice in Su-
periorCOur witness; trusts and trustees ;
pal ment; fraud; evidence; interroga-
tories; before Judge Stewart. Hail,
Judge, being disqualified, Judge Clarke,
OF the Tataula circuit, presided in his
stead. Judgment affirmed.
Wetter ct al VS.. United Hydraulic
Press Company. Ejectment, from Chat
ham. Wills; title; estates; res adj
Judicata; marriage settlements. Before
Judge Ad ms. Jackson, Chief Justice
being disqualified, Judge Clarke, of the
Atlanta circuit, presided in his stead
JUDGMENT reserved.
hrutina VS.. Culpepper, agent. Claim,
from Fulton. Attachments; attorney
and client; judgment; claims; practice
in Superior Court. Before Judge Ham
mnnd. Jackson, Chief Justice, being dis
qualified, Judge Clarke OF the Atlanta
circuit, presided in his stead. Judgment
affirmed.
Stewart VS.. Lanier House Company.
Distress warrant, from Bibb. Leases; ,
claims; damages; charges of the court
I-egidoEce; witness. Before Judge Sim.
mons. This case was argued at the last
term and the decision reserved. Judg-
ment reversed.
Wimpy VS.. Gaskill ct al. Complaint.
from Fulton. Charge of court; plead
ings; burden of proof; contracts: new
tr ais; practice In Superior Court; res
adjudicata. Before Judge Hammond.
judge ent affirmed.
L0vejoy.vs. NorcrOss. Case, from City
Court of Atlanta. New trial; damages
Before Judge Clarke. Judgment affirmed.
Smith VS.. city OF Atlanta. Case, from
City Court OF Atlanta. Municipal cor.
pOrat Ons; streets and sidewalks; nuis-
ances; damages; nOusutt. Before Judge
Clarke. Judgment reserved.
Union Gold Gravel Company VS.. Cham
hers. Refusal OF Injunction, from White.
Judgment; injunction. Before judge
BraHham. judgment affirmed.
Brinson VS.. State. Carrying concealed
weapons, from Burke. Criminal law
Before Judge Roneg. I judgment affirmed.
When the decisions mad been rendered.
Hon. Clifford Anderson announced 20 the
court the death of Hon. l.. n. WhIttle.
WhereupOn the court appointed the fol-
lowing committee to prepare a memorial
OF the life and character OF the deceased:
Clifford Anderson, &. W. Gustin, Frank
f. Miller, james H. Smith, Lamar Cobb.
Alex. r. LawtOn, William IL. Dabney.
John ID. Stewart and Alex. Nj. Speer.
The Court then adjourned to Monday
March 1. 1t was announced that the ar
gument of cases OF the March term will
not begin till the second Monday, Sth, Of
that month.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-02-18
The TeIeDhOne.

The Southern Bell Tel phone and Telegraph
Company, which owns ana operates the Tele-
phone Exchange IN this city, should not be
COMPOUNDED with the American Bell Tele-
phone Company, against which it is proposed
that suit shall be brought by the United
states TO test the validity of the patents
is.ued to Alexander Graham Bell in 1875.
The latter Company manufactures the tele-
phones under the Bel and other patents, and
rents them 10 local Companies throughout the
country. These local COMPANIES construct
and operate the Telephone Exchanges. pa ing
the Am rican B II Company rental for each
instrument Used.
The southern Bell Telephone and Telegram
Company rs one OF such local Companies 1t
ls comparative small lnstit iIoa own ng
Telephone Exchanges in Sc eral of the Son h
ern cities. some of it's stock is held in Savan-
nah, some in Richmond, thsrle-ton. August,
etc. 1t has nothing to do with the pending
litigation, but the attention Of its officers and
employees is devoted to furnishing a strictly
hrst-cl 81 telephone service at prices less than
One-thlrd OF New York rates.
II you have not q telephone station at your
store. your Office or your house. yon should
order one put in at once. Cal on the Manager
or sehd him postal card, and he will call on
you. b. +. DILLON,
Acting Manager.
JN0- d. EAsTERLIN, District Superinten.
dent, Charleston. ). e.