Thomas County cat., 1886-11-11
A JERSEY OPENING.
Ono Of the Most Handsome Compliments;
Ever Paid TO u HumoriSt.

- yOu 0&O w Ht JIG uODVt 40
Trenton, N. j.. you can walk up an
inclined sidewalk about hundred
feet, turn to the right over the tracks.
and walk another hundred. and you
will find an old bob-tailed street car
and two crazy-loOking hacks waiting
10 carry you up town. There is no,
rivalry between the car and the hacks.
unless it is to see which can assume
the most antiquated expression Of
countenance. When / walked out
there the mule attached to the car was
lying down, the mules on the carriage
were leaning against railing. and the
three drivers were playing pedro in the
shade of a stunted elm.
Nv advent on the scene produced
no CONSERVATION. The mules shut
their eyes the harder and one of the
men slowly raised his eyes to the level
of my knees and remarked that he
claimed high. low and the game. That
was all right. He looked like = hard
working young man and l did not be-
grudge him his luck. I walked past
the three without being accosted. made
another turn to the left, and after a
short walk reached the bridge over
the Delaware river. A few hundred
feet above the bridge factory girl
was learning to swim. and was MOTTO
ing how much more awkwardly a
woman kicks out in the water than 4
man when a stranger approached from
the other end and saluted me with:
''Are you phllanthropist?"
'.Yes, sir"
"Ycu feel for your fcllow-men?'
lido"
"Willing to help man who is
down?'
II am."
Good! I am the only son of q
widow. am employed in that brick
factory up there as book-keeper and
cashier. In moment of weakness l
took fifty dollars of the company's
money to bet on baseball and | lost
every dollar of it. Tonight my en-
bezzlement will be discovered and nv
mother and myself will be forever dis
graced. came here to jump off the
bridge and seek watery grave, but l
can be saved"
'How?'
'You will give me the money to
make good the defalcation. Oh! sir,
how can l ever show my gratitude?"
''Give it up. So you bet on base
ball?''
''Yes, SIR
"What club?"
.'The New Workers.
''Oh, you did? DIDN'T bet on the
Detroits?"
'.NOt red"
Then you'll have to make the Jump
off the bridge. l never saw 4 game of
baseball in my life, but l won't 90
back on my own town. If you had bet
on the Del
'.Say," he interrupted. II did win
ten dollars on the Chicago club"
''Then you'll have to jump twice!
The enmity between Detroit and Chi
cago is implacable. If you had lost
three hundred dollars on the Phillies l
could have forgiven you, but to have
won ten dollars on the ChicaSos, and
that in all probability in 4 game over
the Detroits have to go"
Stranger. think of my motherr'
Il darcn't do it. My wife is natur-
ally of jealous disposition, and it
wouldn't do"
He walked to and fro for three or
four minutes. and theD he stopped and
said
IF had twenty-five dollars perhaps
mother could raise the rest by mort
gaging the household furniture. 1t
seems hard to die at my age
$50 it does. There's going to be
good rabbit hunting this winter. Will
you smoke before you go?''
''Well. yes; suppose man might
as well smoke on the gallOws as do
any thing else. You couldn't spare
twenty dollars, could youP"
Couldn't do it."
'.NOr temp"
I. '.Nor ten"
'.Still you seem to have some good
streaks about you. ~
Thanks.
'sYou might advance me five dollars,
and I'll telegraph my brother in Cam
den and see if he won't make up the
balance"
i .'Ycs. might"
! ''And you will'"
'.No."
We smoked for abou. five minutes in
silence. watching the suckers swim
ming over the sand-bank below, and
then he turned and asked:
whats your particular lay9"
81 work the confidence racket"
II thought so-shake! That's my
racket too, and I'd like to travel with
you for a month. We can pick up five
hundred dollars aweek at Long Branch
as long as we care to stay. | know
three suckers who are already there
and aching for us to come down"
l had to decline on the ground OF
other business. and at parting he shook
my hand and said:
''Well, If we meet anywheres wen
go snooks on the racket. You've got
a look which would deceive old Pinker-
ton himself. IN. Quat!, tn Detroit
Free Press
-"What kind of dog is that you
have?" asked the editor, addressing
the foreman of the composition-room.
Il call him compositor dog" was the
answer; Its name invented my
SELF" said the foreman, as he helped
himself to a cigar from the editors
box. 'Why do YOU apply the name to