Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-03-24
BILLY THE NUTS
a. lrs.Amaa who Wa. Easily s..,.a

An lsssAmaa who Was Easily Satisfied.
There was . fellow in Ireland once
He was nicknamed "Billy the Nuts,
and the boys on the streets Of Dublin
had impressed him with the belief thai
he was = great orator. He had the
faculty Of being very quick in repartee
a. may be proved by the following stor,
Of him: He was lettering in Dame
street, Dublin, when a burly policeman
cried, "Herel here! Git out of the
: pathway"
Billy dropped a basket he was carry.
ing on the sidewalk and jumped into
it, saving:
"Oi'd like to see any peeler in Ore.
land take q man out iv his own shop"
On another occasion he was brought
before Judge Porter. The offense
charged against him was drunkenness.
Il see you are here again." said the
Judge.
"Oi'm sorry yer sight sarves you in
this case, yer Honor" was the reply.
Where do you live ?" said the Judge.
Number three arch, Carlisle Bridge,
said Billy, raising his voice. "When
the tide is in Dim out, and if it is in
while Dim asleep Dim washed"
The Judge said: "Forty-eight hours.
We'll, that seems q comfort" said
Billy; "the Jail is dhry."
The times became hard for Billy, and
he felt that Dublin was no longer a
place for him to waste his time in, so
he resolved to leave Ireland and come
to the United States, hearing that
orators were scarce here, and take the
reins of government in his hands. He
took passage from Cork, crossed the
channel to Liverpool, and then took
passage on board of an American bark.
The wind blew fairly off the land.
Billy, full Of hope, looked alternately
to the shores he was leaving and toward
the land of promise beyond the sea. It
is proverbial with sailors to find fault
with the ship, and to praise the last
ship they were in. Billy heard q burly
fellow who was standing in the fok'sle
say, as he looked at the main-top, "She's
about five points of. This old lugger
will never reach her port"
Billy became alarmed and his soul
was filed with one loud prayer rs he
murmured to himself: II hope that
fellows a liar, if liver there was q liar
out iv Oireland.n Night fell. A squall
came up and threw the vessel over on
her beam ends. Billy was below at
the time, and made a frantic rush for
the companion-way. struggled to the
main deck, and rushing forward seized
the weather rail. Moving cautiously
along he reached the quarterback
where the captain stood. Taking the
captain by the shoulder he roared. loud
enough to be heard distinctly amid the
noise of the elements:
Did l pay four pounds ten to come
here to be slaughtered"
The captain, though slightly alarmed.
could not refrain from smiling as he
said:
"The ship is old and full of seams,
and if this continues l would not give
much for all our chances"
"Thin, be jabers, this is no place for
me-" said Billy, and he sprang over the
stern of the ship into the ocean.
Where are you going?" roared out
the captain.
"Oh, obi" said Billy; "sure there is
more here and less danger.
There's nothing in that rotten ould ship
can fall on me now"
Now, the rest of this story is told by
the fairies in Ireland.
The Goddess of Liberty flies round
the confines about once q month. and
she happened to be sitting on a cloud
at the time the foregoing occurred, and
looked down on poor Billy, whose nose
was pointing toward Columbia. He had
only about $500 miles to swim, but,
an Irishman, hat was q triae to
him.
She murmured: with all his faults,
he is brave and patient. I have tried
his kind on many o hard-fought field,
and new found them wanting, and I'll
give him another chance
She swept down to where he was
mounting the crest of a wave and whis-
"On n condition, I will give you
mother chance"
Billy looked up, and when he saw the
beautiful face: "Arrah, me purity col.
he cried; save me first and min
ion the condition afther."
She said: "All l expect of you is, if
[ allow you to land in New York, that
will not aspire to my Presidential
Dim yours, shouted Billy, without
another word. Sure the G~overnorship |
If a State is good enough for me-"
She saved him, and he is here. Look
'ut for him.. c. Roach, in NeU
York Telegram.