Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1886-06-07
ABOUT BABIES.


Some Observations by m Unmarried Man.
The baby. according to my observation
IS In almost all climates, and at all sea-
sons OF the year. nocturnal In its habits.
Il is also diurnal a good share Of the
line: but this. OF course, Is n fact not
WORTH mentioning.
Unlike the young Of most other species,
tho baby does not recognize any parental
distinctions. but will lament as bitterly
while riding OIL tho paternal arm at the
Lwitching hour of midnight as when
clasped tenderly to the mothers bosom
ut sunny midday. Its sole creed and
language Is cry; and no Christian OF
heather ever lived up to n creed with
more conscientious fidelity than does
the baby.
Tho baby Is not partial to paregoric ;
that is failing OF Its parents. For
itself, the infant would much prefer Ia
mcntation between meals to sleep. But
there is limit to all things, and, thank
heaven! paregoric Is cheaper than en-
durancc.
Judging from my personal experience,
large share Of the baby's early life il
passed on the cars. l do not know that
ever entered car without finding a
baby ahead of me. l always brace my
self for the wall the minute l open
is here. The car may be full OF pas
scngers, but for all practical purposes
it is occupied entirely by the infant.
1t Is my firm conviction that babies
do not like to travel. may be mistaken,
for base my judgment entirely upon APP
pcaranccs, but l have never yet seen a
baby who seemed to be perfectly sa-
tisfied with tho arrangements provided
for the comfort OF tho travelling public
by railroad corporations.
Why under these circumstances, babies
should be compelled to travel l cannot
comprehend. Perhaps it is because their
fond but unselfish parents wish the
world to share with them the winsome-
ness and loveliness of infancy. l be-
lcve this is the explanation usually
given by conductors.
But there Is ono disagrecablo feature
about bables-I will not say which ono ;
some people think 1t Is the nose, others
the hair. However that may be, you are
expected to admire the little brutes just
rs much as II they were really bcauti-
ful.
The fond mother will never forgive you
IL you don't say something real sweet
about her cherlb. You must disguise
your real sentiments, and deal in
vcnccrci platitudes of the too-swect-
for-anythins and perfeetly-angcllc stamp
Don't liken tho infant to its father,
especially IL that gentleman is slightly
bald and Is just beginning to cultivate II
sunset tinge at the tip Of his nose. Say
that tho babe resembles It's mother and
you are safe. II you add that it is a
remarkably charming and beautiful child,
you are in fair way to reduce your
board-bill by becoming frequent guest
at the house OF tho little stranger.
Tho best way to get along with
babies il to remember that You were
once one yourself.
Your nose was just as red and indetcr
inmate rs that: your hair was just as
scanty and colorless.
You also bawled from morning til
night and from night till morning, anc
visited tho lotosland of slumber only b,
the pcIlunctory path OF paregoric.
You pulled the paterhal hair an,
pounded the paternal eyes with you
littlo fists.
You kept the whole house awake will
the ebulltions Of your empty woe; yor
sucked your thumbs and your toes ant
your bottle like all the rest Of them.
but you are grown up, and the prcsen
baby is not.
That is tho difference. -[Puck.