The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-09-01


presents, "isA not civil service reform, but
Silver service reform. This set is plated"
There are; of course" says u Chicago
paper, 1.-TWO sides to the dressed beef
question" 1t may be added, says the Id
~rertiSor, that there are also two quarters to
each side Of dressed beef.
She had false teeth and false hair, but
| she was peacly checked, bright eyed and
| PRETTY formed. and had an angelic temper;
| so he said: with all thy false | love thee
STILL" t-n
"Thesc are hard times said a young
| collector of bills. every place | wcnt to-
| day l was requested to call again but one,
| and that was when | dropped in TO sec my
girl" ,o-t .,.
HPomade, SIR" politely said q barber TO
n cranky customer. NO" he growled;
II don't van any olcmWrgarinc on my
| head" "All right, sir: | never like to put
butter on cabbage heads"
! While the female sex is clumoring for
rights they never seem to take into consid-
| Grafton the fact that all the best poetry
! descriptive of the charm and innocence Of
! infancy is written on girl babies,
The upper class lives thc longest says
n writer on longevity. We have no doubt
Oh llljS. III pIiNuC SOlulcIS arc al QC1O,
and only the captains, majors and colonies
remain.
1t may be a good thing for deinultcrs TO
their presence, but it would be better still
if they would perform the happy dispatch
before the cmbezzling begins.
| In We oldcn time Il liar was legally pua-
ished by having a hole bored through his
tongue. If this were the custom now there
are men who's tongues would resemble
porous plastcrS.
Among the very inappropriate things
used as charms for watch chains are wheels
with icwclcd hubs and spokcs, and little
gold safes. \ safe, What next? A rcfrig.
orator or n coal bin.
Philadelphia seems to he a paradise for
bogus noblcmcn. No citizen Of that rood
town can resist them when they 20 iuto
minute particulars about their grand,
fathers.
Lightning struck q piano in a house in
York county, Me. and thoroughly dcmol
ishcd it. This will strengthen The theory
recently advanced by n scientist, that light
ming is possessed of intelligence.
Walking.sticks still continue TO increase
in size, and unless the limit Is soon reached
the average young man may he mistaken
for q base ball player who has just pur.
chased n new bat.
1t fills the heart with gladncSs TO know
that when one goes 10 n dime museum to
see the living skeleton one is not 10 he de
ccived by any kind OF makeup. The liv-
ing 81 clcton never pads.
While Maine fights Canada aud Texas
wars with Mexico. we sincerely hope the
Dakota Oiiicc.scckCrs will not take advan.
| t,ra - tIn nr,-,I, N -. 49, :
seccdc from the Union.
The fact cannot 10 ignored, wlctnor we
will or no, that the labor question ovcrtops
all others ut present in the Importance Of
its problems and the difficulties Which arise
in attempting To solve them.
Strange are the bcqmcsts which poou!c
sometimes make 10 perpetWatc their own
vanity. \ man lately bcqucathcr $500 TO
a church in New Jersey, on condition that
its hell should bc tolicd on every mnivcr
sary Of his death.
Radiant memories and rare old Jokes are
fine old sauces for supper, but they too will
cause a commotion among the chestnut
bells. The rare old jokes must be wrapped
up and laid on the shelf, if it takes ''tLc
last four leaves In the family Bible
1t is hard to tell which side to take.
The anti prohibiticniSt when he c a fish
ing takes 4 flask Of whisky will linn and
comes home the worse for using L. The
prohibit!onist takes Il quart Of ice cream
and discovers after he has eaten il TINT il is
poisoned and hc has Il narrow escape.
4 Columbia cat is credited with remark
able intelligence. She saw n rat about to.
90 through IL small knO,hUlc in Il ,iclII
board fence, and, knowing that she could
not reach the rat before he reached the
hole, She went over the fence like n slio,
and captured him ut the other side.
A Columbia school girl lately puzzled
her teacher with the inquiry, III the eldest
child Of an English rulCr succeeds To the
throne, what would happen if The cldcs,
child was twins?' The gill was very
surprised 4, the teachers inabililyto answer
of hand, and tric't To find out from her
mother; but the question still ~agiiatos TIC
town.
Children rejoice IN noise. They appear
to take a pleasure, both in noise itself, and
in The ;ct If making ii, That is perfectly
unintclligiblc TO grown-up people. ''Whv
do fathers rad mothers always keep saving
hushl' 6 bright, healthy boy asked. the
other day; and he was evidently much puz.
zlcd that we should fail to appreciate what
was to him a source Of unlimited s~atisfac.
ton.
-
Raiirond Accident.
About 4 o'clock Tuesday afternoon a
/ nnutrliptin Inn 4 rnfh ~, A. kI,.rN