The Washington critic., 1886-01-29
No Creddit Fur Law.

A few days after his installation into
office young couple appeared before
him TO get married. Jimmy was in a
quandary. He had never seen the mar
riage ceremony performed, and, telling
the candidates to be seated, he jumped on
horse and galloped to ranch half
mile distant to consult the only law
book in the county, a small work en-
titled Every Man His Own Lawyer"
He searched its pages closely, but
could find nothing bearing upon the
subject, and in despair he galloped
back to Ciancy's saloon and Consulted
the boys. One of them. recent ar
old man how he should conduct the
ceremony. He listened attentively,
and when the tenderfoot concluded his
explanation, said:
"Say young feller, you iist hop over
thar an splice 'em AN I'll give you
| S5 fur the job"
But that wouldn't be legal, Uncle
Jimmy. am not an officer, and have
no authority TO perform Il marriage
ceremony"
oh the authority You iist
bulge ahead an marry 'em an this
court IL approve the perceeding and
nobodys going Ter kick. They're
cussed fools fur goin to all this trouble
O gittin' ceremony in this country
anyhow, an you kin marry em good
enough for all practical purposes. Jist
hop over thar an cut loose an Illmake
it twenty"
The young man fatty refused, and
Jimmy determined to worry through
the embarrassing affair rs he best could.
He started for his office, and the crowd
followed to see the fun. Bidding the
couple to stand before him, he said:
Dearly beloved fellow citizens,
these young folks now appear before
you to indulge in the holiness of matri-
mony accordin to scriptur' an the
laws OF this court. If any of you
knows any cause why they shouldn't
make the play you want to squeal right
at this stage of the game or corral yer
jaws on the subject furevermore.
No objection was heard and the JUS
tice continued:
"IIop up yer right hans"
The couple blushingly obcyel.
"Do you an each of you solemnly
sw'ar that you will marry each other
l y
will do the squar' thing by each other
go-by and cling TO each other through
life till death calls upon you to cash in
your earthly checks, an that you will
be to each other husban' an wife ac
cordin' to the law an the prophets an
the rules an regulations O. this honor
'blc court in sich cases made an per
vided, 50 help ye God?''
The couple so swore.
Jimmy was sweating profuscly ovcl
the eXertion, and after scratching hi,
head to collect his thoughts, contin
ued:
Then |, James Crane, justice o tho
peace, announce you as husban an
wife now an furevermore world with
out end, amen, an if the style don
suit you you have the legal right to ap
peal to the Supreme Court at Omahi
any time within sixty days. Now ligh
out, an me an the boys'll so an drinl
yer health"
The couple seemed to be perfectly
satisfied, and they walked away hanC
in hand, their tanned face
wreathed in smiles of unmistakabl,
happiness
During the trial Of his first, and,
may add, his last case, for he threw NJ
the Office in disgust, one of the alleged
lawyers, a young sprig from Omaha
said in his speech;
"Your honor, the ground taken b,
the attorney on the other side is falsC
one, dangerously false one sir; an as
sertion in which Blackstone will sus
tain me. ] can make it clear to you
honor by Blackstone that"
The Court interrupted him and said
"Well, let's clean up this thing a
we go along, an then we won't ge
mixed. If we leave these raveled end
a.hanging loose wen never straightei
the matter out. Constable, go an
bring Mr.. Blackburn into court t,
testify"
1t was explained to him that Black
stone was an authority on law, and ha'
been dead many years. This made th
old man fighting mad, and he jumped
up and threw of his coat and slapped
his fists and howled;
This court may not be very fly OF