Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-09-24
FUN.

Man inus' hoe expect to live :,
clover simply because he mars ia
grass widow.
WHAT is the difference between
man who cuts off the end of his no sus
and boy who has just finished Dp y:
task? One lessons his nose and =. n's
other knows his lesson. 'ue
us THERE any plural to deer nasn.,
Prof Shore of his class in gramma. a
Il think there must be, for there IL
plural to beer. You can saw 49,
beers;' I've often heard itn ren,; w..
Tom Anjerry. ''u
THERE are little, sweet, pretty, and
green GASES all the way through tha
desert of lite, but the fat man WIZ
breaks suspender on hot day wboa
running to catch train doesn't th;nl
of this. Boston Courier.
TERMINAL FACT.
When n dog and tin
Thro' the avenue Shin
Like boy prodded on with banister.
IT'S apparent, Tween,
No curtalment is seen
Where the CAMS ties up to ths canister
-Yonke,s Gazette
"SAY, Mrs. Smith," complained an
1rate boarder at clearinghouse, point.
ing to a dish in front of him, "von
shouldn't put such stuff as that no.
fore hogs" "That's so," the old lady,
snappishly remarked; "here Jane
bring that dish to this end of tho
table"
SLANG WITHOUT POINT.
The man who in steady way
His course through life has threaded
Is, in the language of to-day,
Extremely level-headed."
In taking terms like these on trust.
One can't be too particular,
The man whose head is level must
Be "off his perpendicular"
Boston Courier
LADY, am SO glad to make your
personal acquaintance! 1 have often
read your name. Poet Gathered -Ah!
Do you know my lyrical poems or my
novels? Lady-Neither. Poet-Mv
tragedies? Lady-No; but you happen
to live in the same house as a friend Of
mine and whenever I visit her see
your name on the doorplate.
A YOUNG man went out from the
East to the Black Hills to invest in
mining property. On his return his
friends asked him about his purchase
II put $4,000 into mine," he said,
bought out the whole thing so as to
have gold mine of my own. I got it
of some parties who wanted to sell
badly and put the price right down.
"But won't the machinery you will have
to put in to develop il be very expen.
sive." "Not at all. I took pick that
cost me $'1.75 and crawled down the
shaft and developed the whole lead il !
about five minutes. You see they had |
salted it with about twenty dollars
worth of gold. am inclined to think,
however, myself, that the MACHINERY
that it will be necessary to put in to
get out that $4,000 will be somewhat
expensive. "-EStelIine Bell.
DER DRUMMER.
Who puts up ut the pest hotel,
Und dakes his oysders on der schell,
Und init der frauleins cuts q schwell?
Der Drummer.
Who wash it comes indo lnine store,
Drows down his bundles on der vloor,
Und never schtops to schut the doorp
Der Drummer
Who dakes me Ply der handt und say,
Hans Pfeiffer, how you vas to-day"
und goes for peesnes right away?
Der Drummer
Who spreads his zalnples in a trice,
Und dells me to "look. ind see how nice,'
Cnd says gets der potion price?'
Der Drummer.
Who says der tings vas eggstra vine,
"Vrom Shermany, ubon der Rinc,"
Und sheats mo den dimes oudt OF nine7
Der Drummer.
Who dclls how sheap der goots vas bought
Mooch less as vot could "imbort."
But lets dem go as he vas 1schort?'
Der Drummer.
Who warrants all der goots to suit
Der customers ubon his route,
Und ven dey comes dey vas no gootP
Der Drummer.
Who comes aroundt ven been oudt,
Drinks up mine bier and eats mine kraut,
Und kiss Katrina in der mout?
Der Drummer.
Who. ven he comes aroundt dis way.
Will hear vot Pfeiffer has to say
Und NIT plack eyes goes away?
Der Drummer.
-Frank La Strong, in San Diego Sun.
MIR. EDMUNDs AND THE BENT PIN
The wittiest member of the Senate IS
Mr. Edmunds. He delights in prac'
tical joke. Conkling and he used 10
travel together in the amusement line
They were both fond of a good story
Why, do you know I once saw Edmunds
bend pin and put it on the chair tha'
Conkling habitually occupied when be
was resting in the clock-room? 1t lsa
fact, and the serious part of the story
is that Conkling actually did go in anu
sit down on the WAITING min Mr. Ed'