News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-01-21

Y twenty-four feet deep in the hall.
Brother Gardner looked at Canterbury q
Y long time, and then said
}. ''De Committee of de Interior will
It take dat man to room g. and put his
head to soak ober night in bread an
O milk poulticel His brains am dewlop-
4 in altogether too fast. De rest of us
, will now sing de closin' ballad, an go
= home, an it will be we'll for all of you
y to remember dat de umbrella wild de
: white bone handle out dar' in de cloak
/ room belongs to me. !"
= THE BEE HIVE.
Observe
These busy little
bees laying up their
honey and Try to be as =
J wise as these by saving all
F. your money. You smoke, say,
: five cigars away, and drink, say, =
* six times daily cards, pool and
billiards, too, you play, and
treat the fellows gaily. In twen-
ty years this fun will cost, ac- 4
| = cording to good scholars, with
!; interest and time that's lost,
!, just $50, 000 But if you count
your loss of health and self-in-
ficted trouble, you'll find this
foolish waste of wealth will figure
more than double Then when it's
time no more to slave, but pleasure
take, so sick you will feel because YOU
didn't save you'll want some one to kick
you. So immitate those busy bees and
all your pennies treasure, and then,
when older, take your ease, with forty
years of pleasure - Chicago Sun.
IN SAN FRANCISCO.
The San Francisco girl of 1885 is
principally remarkable for her ability to
express with double back action com
bination of conciseness and volubility
She has clever trick of economizing
:sue and space by running two or three
sft1ssfy oss.fsct,Sns Of raS1or gramnas e
and when clear, comprehensive English
fails her, she instantly resorts to words
of her own coinage. The T. G. offers as
an example the following intercepted
conversation: "'Lol Whereyergoin2 2''
"'Lo! Jus downear to the dress
makers" "Dressfnisht?' 'Nm -
nm! Not quite; 'sgointube lovelyI"
"Howshimakinit7' "Oh! dunno; lit
lie iiooers down the front and pleatins-
roun the bottom sorter sprangly eff
feet Mus1urry - good-byw - Neaos-
Letter.
HE HELD THE SHEEP.
He came into a butcher shop and
asked for half pound of mutton chops.
It was unnistakable that his business
necessitated his calling "c-a-s-h" quite
frequently. AS the man of the cleaver
sawed, cut and chopped, the purchaser
remarked in a weak kneed voice:
SAW, I was a butcher once myself"
seYou butcher9" said the sausage
compounder contemptuously.
eyes, aw. You see, l went into the
business, aw, and they first told me to
hold sheep down on the floor, don't
you know, and, good ged, they stuck
knife right into the poor beasts throat.
I, aw, tainted, and, when came to,
left the hawwid business, aw, and now
l sell dry goods. ."-Detroit Free Press.
HE SERVED.
Judge Thomas A. Moran, of Chicago,
has large family of children, of a of
whom he is justly proud. The day after
he had been presented with twins he
was listening to jurors excuses, when
man who had been drawn said, mildly:
''Your Honor, l can't serve" "Why
not2' asked the court, in tones that had
been stereotyped, as he looked out of
the court room window. Approaching
quite close the juror whispered, "My wife
has just given birth to boy, Judge"
"No excuse at all, observed the Judge,
as he closed his docket with bang,
'smy wife had two last night, and Ihave
been here all day" The juror served.
The AagOnGut.
THE MILLS.
ttHow many mills make a cent,
papa?" asked Johnnie Crimsonbeak just
as he finished the feat of seeing how
long he could hold up the family cat by
the tail. "Ten, my son." replied the
atfectionate Crimsonbeak froIn behind
his evening paper. "You must carry
lots of change around with you, then,
said the innocent boy. "Why so, my
son9'' 'Because l heard mamma say
this morning that you spent most of
your time in mills" "Oh, but Johnnie,
YOU make a mistakel" exclaimed Mrs.
Crimson beak, without stopping her
knitting: 81 didn't mean that kind of
mills. l meant gin millsH'-Y0nAers
Statesman.
ONLY HIS PEACE OF MIND.
"Old man Pennybunker has married
again"
aYou don't tell me So"
eyes, and he has married right
young girl, forty years younger than he
is."
"Weu. I declare. His other wife only
died six months ago and he went on so
at the grave that l expected that he
would lose his mind"
'Well, you see your prediction has
come to pass. ."-TerdS SVtings.
JABBERING.
During the long French war two old
ladies in Scotland were going to the
kirk. The one said to the other, "Was
it mo- a wenderfu' thing that the Breet-
ish were aye victorious over the French
in battle?" ''Not bit, said the other
lady; "dinna ye ken the Breetish aye
say their prayers before gain into
battlep' The other replied: "But Gamma
the French say their prayers as weell2"
The reply was most characteristic.
"Hoot! Sic jabberin' bodies; wha
could understan' them2"
THEY LIVE ON 1T.
."What relation, Bobby" said Mr..
Dobbins to his first-born, "am to your
mothers father"
Bobbie-''He's your fodder"
"Nonsense; how can he be that2''
sFoddeY is what folks live on, amt