Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1886-10-22
A Modest Mans Adventure.

IL ~ L4NA v "a
II there is one thing in this world that
hate more than another it is an even
ing party, whether it take the form oi
tea, music, and twaddle, or come in the
more awkward guise of regular dance
Unfortunately, l am short and ill-fa-
vorcd. Indeed, | can well remember
even now the rage and grief which pos
sessed my youthful mind when discov-
cred that | was called "The Toad" by
my school companions, and how that our
old coachman, who was my ally ana
confdaut in those days, could find no
better words of consolation than Never
you mind, Master Jack you let 'em talk,
pack of young impertinences. What
l say is handsome is as handsome does.
Time has but accentuated my many
personal defects, of which lam painfully
conscious, and the result is that | am
shy, gauche and nervous in society.
One fell and dreadful day (mark it, 0
Time, with the blackest letter in thy
calendar I was invited by my cousins to
esquire them to dancing party at South
Kensington. I made feeble excuses;
they were overruled. l appealed to my
respected mother; alasl she thinks I only
need bringing out to become an enter
tanning ornament to society.
Well, l gave in. What would you
have me to do2 Ugly as l am, can't
help seeing that Kate is most pleasing
person. find it difficult TO say "No"
to any one, and an impossibility in the
case of this lovely cousin of mine.
Kate and Millcent are what are called
''fine girls" and am not sure that |
did not catch the ghost of grin upon
the long list of funky faces in the hall
as l stumbled along in my tight boots
with Kate ON my right arm and 1[lli-
cent on my left, and both of thenrs Il
ing to one another over my head, alasl
The ballroom was long oblong, and
opposite to the end where the musicians
were stationed there was a kind of al
cove or bay window, in which was
placed one of those large circular otto
mans which have a cushioned seat all
round, and on top of the lounge a re-
ceptacle which is filled with foliage
plants and dropping ferns. Now, could
anything be more enticing to man of
my retiring disposition2 If l could only
get behind that happy ottoman, behold
me blissfully concealed until the gen
eral move to supper should drag me
from my resting place. Fortune favored
me for once. But just as l was begin
ming to realize the pleasantness of my
seclusion and the relief from the shy
ness which assails me in public | felt a
most depressing sleepiness creeping over
me.
must have slept soundly for some
time, but at last, suddenly, and with a
startled and chilly feeling, l awoke.
Confused at first l could not imagine
where | was or how my ordinary sleeping
attire had become changed into the claw
hammer coat and other male habiliments
of evening society. However, as crept
round the ottoman, and peering out from
my corner, saw wide stretch of white
foor-cloth, dimly lighted, before me- ana
marked the music stands at the other
end of the room, the dreadful truth
burst in upon me; they had all gone
down to supper. Now in my purturOa-
tion at the prospect of going to the aooh-
Unable dancing party l had been unable
to attack my dinner with my usual
robust appetite. was therefore, raven
ously hungry. Moved by desire to eat
and drink at whatever cost to my con-
stitutional modesty, and agonized at the
fear lest the supper should be over ana
the debris thereof cleared away before
could obtain what l began to want win
an increasing craving, it struck me that
it would be quite possible for me %
glide into the supper-room among th'
servants, who would be constantly going
in and coming out.
slipped quietly down the stairs, ana
soon found myself close to them. No"
was my opportunity, and l was just 60
ing to seize it, when fend in human
shape, waiter in evening dress, pusheo
huge dish of Strawberries into my
hands, saying in that unpronounceapi'
cockney twang, "now then Swaney, (my
mother calls my hair auburn look aliVel
Take those yere strawberries rounu
and mind you don't spill 'em."
Not single minutes time was given
me for expostulation or explanation
other walters were pushing on behlnu
and before l could gather my scaltefeu
wits l found myself in the brilliantly
lighted supper room, among the iii'V
walters, and with an enormous dish -
fruit in my hands. What was | to 40
l had not moment to decide. ln'
horror of being seen in such too-ridi0,
sulous position terrified me, and iouH'
myself handing round the fruit, WIN
waiter following me with cream ah'
sugar. Imagine the awful state o. ~
mind when I approached my cousins
They were close together, separated ON;
by the partner of one of them. cou,'
see as drew near, that they were 'alN