The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1886-07-30
WIZ AND HUMoR.

me in pleased" Doorkeeper-"No, sir,
l can't pass YOU" Loafer-''Don't
want you to. You sit right where you
are and pass YOU" But he did not.
-Chfcdgo rambler.
Champoireau in despair resolves to
commit suicide. He is about to take his
last plunge into the Seine when all mt
once he reflects: To-day, Friday, the
18th! Neveri' said he, recoiling. ut
might bring me bad luck!'-French
Joke.
Landlady to new SERVANT hope in
cleaning the rooms, Martha, you always
take care to sweep under the bed. !"
Martha-"Yaas, indeed, ma'am. | allus
do, cause, yo' see, it's much easier den
c'lectin' de dirt wild dust-pan. "-Har-
per'S Baz0r.
''Mr. JONES' said little johnny to
the gentleman who was making an aft
ernoon call, .can whisky talkP' mo,
my child; how ever can you ask such a
question:" 20, nothing, only ma said
whisky was beginning to tell on you. !"
Hotel Ne,os.
A woman in England who had been
posted by her husband got even with
him by printing the following: mo
tice.-l, Mary Sanders, never contracted
any debts in the name of William San
ders, as the name of Sanders is not
good enough to get credit on. Mary
Sanders"
Speaking of eccentricities, said
Poppleton, "my father is an example.
He has not cut off his hair since the
election of James X. Polk" ''Indeed;
his hair must be very long by this time. {"
20, no; tho old gentleman was bald be-
fore Polk was elected. "-ArkansaO
Traveller.
'Mawning, dear boy. by know
Cholly is veal sckp" Hadn't heard
of it, pom honah. What's the mat
ter?" BLOOD poisoning. He cawn't
live, doncher know" PAW boy. How
did it happenP" HE got stung by a
hawid mosquito night before last. -
Palmer Journal.
Farmer-''Gwine to run railroad
through my barn?" Surveyor don't
see how we can avoid it." Farmer
"Waal, now, boss, l reckon / got suthin
to say about this. l got suthin else to
do besides runnin' in an out to open
the doors of that there barn every time
train goes through. Harper's Bazar.
Mrs. Mimosa-"Now, Johnnie, 90
and kissyour little sweetheart and make
up" Johnnie-"No'm, won't" Mrs.
Mimosa-"Go and tell her how much
you love her and how sorry you are"
Johnnie-"Guess not. Pa says he got
into breach-of-promise case by tellin'
girl that, and had to marry the old
thing l amt runnin' no risks, | amt"
-ChicG9o Rambler.
A passenger on Pullman car was
found dead in his berth recently. The
porter burst into tears, exclaiming be-
tween his sobs, $50 sorry-so sorrym
"What are you sorry for?" asked the
conductor. "You didn't know him. did
your mo, l didn't know him." re-
piled the porter. Pm sorry / didn't
collect 80 cents of HIM before he went
to bed. "-Ieras SJtingS.
A son of NJ Prudhomme is accosted
on the boulevard by person who
thinks he recognizes him. Pardon,
monsieur, but might you not perchance
be the son of NJ Balaudardp" mo,
monsieur" replied he with dignity, II
am not the son of M. Balaudard, and if
l were would have you understand
that it would not be by chance. -
French Joke.
Guest Grascibly)-.I am obliged to
make complaint against the waiter
who attended me ut dinner He be-
came insolent when | wouldnd tip him
at every course" Hotel proprietor lob
sequiously)-'I must request you to
excuse him, sir. He has seen better
days, and his insolence is unintentional;
he was once New York Alderman
Life.
A story about the capture or any ex-
plot of an eagle will 60 the entire
rounds of the press at any season. Whyp
The eagle is not very remarkable bird
in any way-not even remarkably
scarce. But he wormed himself into
the confidence of the founders of the
Republic; and apparently their descend
ants have superstitious regard for him
as something that has come down to us
from former generation. -Bu6alo Er-
press.
According to the London Lancet the
reason people who have had foot am
putated still imagine that it pains them
is simply owing to Irritation of the sem
sorry fibres of divided nerve being re-
ferred to the terminal distribution of
those fibres." 1t is wonder that the
rest of us never thought of that. 1t
seems so reasonable. We learn q great
deal by merely finding out things we
didn't know before. -NorriStown Her.
dld
Fannie" he said to her, II love you
with my whole heart, and want you
to be my wife. 1t is true I'm only de-
partment clerk. with only 81, 400 year,
but, Fannie, money doesn't buy happi.
ness Do you love me, 'darlingp" 800
co." she cooed, nesting her head on his
new coat font. ''And you do love mep"
he exclaimed, with confidence "You
love me with your whole soul and be-
ingP" Maybe not quite that much"
she gurgled, "but l love you 81, 400
worth, George, and that's 300 more
Al n