The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, 1886-03-23
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
a LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
THE LEISURE HOURS.
"A Complete Ruin-WilIing to Correct-A
Bad Spell-The Car Driyer-Sens enable
Advice, Etc. Etc.

bad SpeI-The Chr DrtSer-Senh nnnbIo
Advice, Etc. Etc.
SORRY.
An old negro asked n State official
for SO cents. go on away" said the
official, ~ gave you SO cents some time
ago" "Cap'n," said the negro, Eyer
puts me in mind O. de ole man whut
had gin his dog SO much. 1t is or
standin' Illustration obcr in Tcnnyscc,
an mebby yer we hearn o. it, but no
diffunce. De man wuz er eatin' dinner
an his daug come in an guntcr wag
his tail an frisk roun' powerful anxious
ter eat suthi'n. go outeo heah,'
sklaimed de man, Il gin you a hunk o.
co'nbrald not morn a mun ergo, an
now yer acks like ycr's err haungry.'
OATS de way yer looks at me-, boss.
Yer gin me so cents last munf an specs
dat 1 doan need one crgin by dis time"
"Here," said the man, handing him SO
cents, ego OF away and don't ask me
again" ooh. thankcc, sab. Dc white
genncrman nearly allus comes roun'
when l gins 'em 'cr Illustration. III try
ter make this las cz laung cz it will,
sab, but in desc hcah 'stravigant times
yer kahn s'pcck er pusson ter keep SO
cents NOR or week. Gin me er dollar
oh, go on, den, fur yer's gunter look
like ycr's sorry yer gin me dis much"
-Arkansaw 11mceiley.
w1LLIN TO CORRECT.
He walked into the office the other
morning, looking pretty much like aman
dissatisfied with general results.
"Can l sec the cditor?' he inquired.
He was directed to the foot of the
throne.
Good morning, SIR" began
grutfly.
'Mornin',' grunted the editor.
81 came in" he proceeded. Ito tell
you of a misprint in the paper"
"What is it,"
"Well, | sent a notice around here
that my friend Smith had Just been
married, and your internal compositor
got it, Mr.. Smith has just been mar
fyrcd.'"
ugh, you call that a misprint, do
Fous Well, I don't, and I have raised
fhat composltor's wages. If you don't
ike it, send Smith around to me ten
years from now, and if he wants it cor
Fectcd I'll have it done"
y The visitor departed to see Smith
Merchant 1lureller.
a WISE BOY.
For an hour yesterday forenoon n wo-
man walked up and down the ladies'
waiting room at the Third street station
in her efforts to hush the screams and
gels of a child about 2 years old. The
little one vas hopping mad about some
thing, and could not be soothed by soft
words or sticks of candy. There finally
game a moment when everybody saw the
mothers face take on a look of grim
determination, and at that moment a
pewsboy who had been warming him
self at the register broke for out doors.
"What's the rowe" asked one of his
FMtside friends rs he joined them.
'There's q woman in there goin' to
spank her young 'un."
Ana"
Cum! 'Spose I want to be hauled up
as a witness in an assault and battery
case and have the lawyers giving me
sass. "-Detroit Free Press.
PAYING FOR IT.
It is said that the wine u OCCASION
Ally circulated among the legislators,
bind some have even achieved celebrity
by this convivial disposition. OF one
who has since achieved reputation as a
lawyer the following story circulated
among his legislative friends: He at
tended a ball one evening, and in the
course of the festivities he became some
9what O joyous. Seeing this one of
his friends approached him and advised
I'm to seek his room aci bed. The
Boung lawyer said nothing, but with
great solemnity took Il dollar bill from
his pocket and thrust it into the hand
of his friend.
"But l don't want money!" said the
gentleman; II merely suggested that
you go to bed"
"Take it, take it," was the reply in
the blandcst of tones. ''I've charged So
for a good deal poorer advice than
that !"
Long and YEARLY had his anxiors wife
waited, when at last the husband en-
tered and, with his frame convulsed
with anguish, threw himself into a chair,
and burying his face in his hands.
groaned:
"We are ruined; to.morrow's sun will
see the proud name of Jenkins among
the list of bankrupts."
Then outspokc the noble wife:
"Say not SO, my dear Peter; all is not
lost. We have gone without ice for
the last three months, and here is the
money you gave me for the iceman,"
and she placed $50, 900 on the table.
The worn, weary face Of the husband
lighted up with Joy as he exclaimed:
'Maria, you are a daisy; if we had
gone without gas for the same time
would have retired from busincss."-
Boston Bulletin.
A LONG-HEADED CAR DRIvER.