Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1886-09-30
"VAULTING AMBITION" ETC.

Mr.. George Jones, the great leader of
Mugwumps, and friend of Curtis ct ais, is
just now in chancery over a laughable
error of either himself or some of his
staff. 1t will be remembered that Mr.
Jones is editor and proprietor of the New
York Times, and plumes himself upon
the fact that his paper is written for and
read only by the higher and educated
classes of Gotham, and he will not have
man on the force of his paper who
injects slang phrase in any department
Jones took a financial interest in the
Schwatka expedition to explore Alaska,
and Schwatka, in recognition of Jones'
public spirit, named a river he found
in that country, the Jones river,
and the Times straightway published a
large map of the Territory, in which the
course of the river is very prominent, and
the name Clones River" appears in large
letters. The Times office cat has resur-
rected a chart of the United States Hy-
geographic Office, made some years be-
fore Schwatka went to Alaska, on which
the river appears, and to make matters
worse the same journal now prints part
of chart made in 1858 by Captain
Jean Francois De Gallaup De La Pereuse,
in which the said Clones River" appears
in all its pristine wealth of curve,
flow and fall, and exactly as Schwatka's
chart places it. These facts would
make it appear that Jones, of the Times,
is sailing under another fellows thunder,
but just how such an educated and intel
ligent man could be deceived by
Schwatka or any one else, it is hard to
understand. We can imagine the "feel-
inks of Jones and his army of educated
readers when they read the following
extracts from the New York dailies, pok-
ing fun at his empty geographical honor:
The New York Times is to be removed to
Alaska, and in the future is to be known as
the Alaska Times. That is the rumor that
Is now flying about Newspaper Row; occa-
slonally coming to perch for rest on the
bronze in front of the Tribune building,
Persons desirous of verifying the rumor can
call at the Times Office. Ask for the Alaska
editor, and get him to show you that "exclu-
sive" delusive map. None of the details of
the projected move have yet been authori-
tatively given out. 1t is pretty we'll under
stood, however, that commanding site has
been selected for the Times Alaska building
on the banks of the river that was lately
discoyered-not to say rediscovered- the
benefit of the paper, and that the beautiful
little Mugwump village which it is expected
will grow up around the building will be
called-for an obviously felicitous reason
Faginville- -Geoiones.-TrI
Apropos of the SUMS investigation in the
matter of Jones River, Alaska, a series of
painful queries presents itself:
l. Is Lieut.. Schwatka fooling our VEN
Grated contemporary, Mr.. George Jones? or,
2. Is Lieut.. Schwatka fooling himself? or,
3. Are Jones and Schwatka conspiring to
fool the country? or,
4: Are those eminent gentlemen innocently
foollng themselves? or,
5. How is it?
The Sun makes its case pretty clear. That
Is evident. The river which Lieut.. Schwatka
discovers" and, in burst of salaried en-
thuslasm, names Jones, has unquestionably
been known to map makers for at least
century past. To be sure, it seems to be a
dirty, wide -mouthed, shallow, sprawling lit
tie ditch that might as well be named Jones
as anything else. Nevertheless, it remains
with Schwatka to explain why he has filed a
caveRt on this absurdly notorious river in
favor of Jones, and with Jones to explain
why he blushingly accepts the alleged com
pliment.
We anxiously await information.-Star
Way up upon de George Jones River,
Far, far away,
Dere's where de mud am running ever
Into de Icy Bay.
All de mouth am wide and muddy.
Everywhere am stones;
oh, darkies, how we smile at Schwatka
An dat funny ribber Jones.
Way up upon de George Jones River,
Far in Alas-kay,
Dere'swhere de Mugwumps ought to linger
An de poor soreheads stay.
All de world am sad and dreary
Listenin' to dere groans.
Oh, Muggies, won't you go to Alas-kay
And camp by the sad ribber Jones? I
World.