davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

Mr.. jerks Ito Mrs. DollarbiD-"Mr.
Packer, of Chicago, wishes IN introduction
to YOU. May I present him?"
Mrs. Dollarbil-"Packer? What, the
dealer in dressed pork? Certainly not. Tell
him SO, with my compliments; and, err
stay-come back and tell me what he says.
II Well, what did he say?"
Mr.. Jenks,"He said the commodity he
Mrs. Dollarbil-"Hey? What did he
mean?"
Mr.. Jenks-"I don't know; but he looked
pretty hard at your daughter while he was
saying it."-Chicago Rambler.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
MY SHIPS.
WHEELER w1noo1

81 ELLA
ttfe ~ a sailing homo to ms,
j :, ~ harbor could not hold
ssI. sails that there would be.
tt'i hip came home from sea.
IN. ships have at sea
i'p n sailing home to mo,
ID ,T% should have wealth as great
f t. .jps who sits in state.
tF NJ. .,casures there would be
% ~ ships now out at sea.
. me ship l have ut sea
1a .no storm-c oud then might Hown
Is s .s, others all went down.
co proud, SO glad I'd be
y. one ship came home to me-
/. ,os ship went down at Sea
~, the others came to me,
i...1 with wealth untold.
-ps soul on earth I'd be
,,e ship came not to me.
.,;ss be calm, oh, winds blow free.
al my ships safe homo to me.
'.hon sendest home q wreck,
'."r more come smiling back,
Wv all that skim tho sea,
and nv love ship home to mo-
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
The Correct Business Method.

MI. Isaacstein Ito customer)-"Dot sew
enteen tollar coat vas warranted all WOOL.
my trent, und marked in blain fggers. I
marks all my goots dot way, so a customer
knows he don'd got sheated. A leetle in
nocent schild, vat don'd know holdings,
could puX dose goots, marked in blain fig
gers. You dake dot coat for seventeen toll
lar?"
Customer-"I1l give you six dollars for
it."
Mr.. Isaacstein-"veil, dake him along"
-Philadclphia Neus.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
The Kiss Of Sympathy.

Pat had long been trying to get Bridget
to give him a parting kiss. Finally, as a
last resort, he turned away, saying:
Goodbye, Biddy. Shure an ye haven't
any sympathy for me at all, at ALI"
sympathy, is it? And what do you
name by that, Patrick"
Come here, Biddy, and I'll be after tell
ing ye. When 1 love We SO that I'd like to
bite q piece right out Of your swate cheek,
and ye feel as if ye'd like to have me-
that's sympathy, be jabers!"
All, Patrick, you know my wakeness!
Take a piece; but be sure and lave it, SC
you can take it again when ye comet
EEchanQe.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
Important,

When you visit or leave New York City, save
baggage, exprcsaage, and % carriage hire, and
stop at the Grand Union Hotel. opposite
Grand Central Depot
6l3 rooms, fitted up at q cost of one million
dollars, 81 and upwards per day. European
plan. elevator. Restaurant supplied with the
best: Horse cars, stages, and elevated rail
road to all depots. Families can live better for
less money at the Grand Union Hotel than at
any other first-class hotel in the city.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
A Yery Successful Case.

First Lawyer-Ah, Dobkins, how did
you come out in that case you were just be-
ginning when I went out?
Second Lawyer-Gloriously. It was a
perfect success. Created q great sensation.
Papers full of it. Got lots of advertising
out of it. I thin: it was the making of my
future.
@Good! Glad to hear it, old fellow.
knew you had the stuff in you. And, by
the way. what did they do to your client?'
"Oh, they hanged him. ~ Chicago Meas
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
Henry,s Carlolic salxe.

The best salvc used in the world for Cuts. Bruises,
Piles, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum, letter, Cllapped
Hands, Chilblains, Corns, and all kinds of Skin Erup-
lions. Freckles and Pimplcs. The salve is guaranteed
to give perfect satisfaction in every case. Be sure
you get HENaY'S CARBOL1C SALvE, as all others
are but limitations and counterfeits.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

Black-Why don't you get married,
White?
White-Well, the fact is, the girls know
too much nowadays; they're too we'll edu-
Gated. I wouldn't like to have q wife who
was my superior in intellect and knowl-
edge.
B.--Then you are bound to remain a
bachelor.
WHY so?
because they don't allow the girls in
the lunatic asylum to marry.-Kentucky
State Journal.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
The Youngster Was Posted.

Jones and his son were bargaining for q
map of Austria at a booksellers. To as
sure himself of its accuracy Jones, junior,
tried to find Moscow. Jones, senior, as
sisted him in this hopeless task. At the
end of five minutes Jones, junior, in de-
worthless, when his father was suddenly
inspired:
No wonder you can't find it-you forget
that Moscow was burned"
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

WITNESS, I believe you said you were a
saloonkeeper?" yes, sir" do you know
the prisoner at the bar?" well, that de-
ponds. When he has the money about i'm
I do, but when he wants to put it on the
slate I don't"
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

You might as well try to squelch an
Irishman's love of country as undertake to
convince a young mother that her baby is
not forward for its age"
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

CH1LD-Say, ma, when a husband and
wife are divorced, what do they do when
they meet in the next world? Father
(sharply)-See if their divorce papers will
hold good. of course,
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
CROUCH ON PILES"

Why suffer piles? Immediate relief and COM
plete cure guaranteed, Ask for"Rough on Piles"
Sure cure for itching, protruding, bleeding, or
any form of Piles. SIC. At Druggists or Mailed.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

Lyons Patent Metallic Heel stifeners
keep new boots and shoes fromrunning over
Sold by shoe and hardware dealers.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
"RouGH on ITCH"

slough on Itch" cures skin humors. eruptions
ring worm, letter, salt rheum, frostedf feet, chill
blalns, itch, ivy poison, BARRIERS itch. Soc. Jars
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
TROUGH ON CATARRHv

c%orrects offensive odors at once. Complete cure
OF worst chronic cases also unequaled as gargle
for dlphtheria, sore throat, foul breath. Soc
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
WOMEN

are made pallid and unattractive by functional
Irregularities, which DIR. Pierce's aFavorite
Prescription" will infallibly cure. Thousands
of testimonials. BY druggists,
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

MATCHES are scarce where a family have
all red-headed and freckled-faced daugh-
fers.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
..poY,cu IN

CROUCH ON PILLS
Start the bile, relievethe bilious stomach, thick,
aching head and overloaded bowels. Small gran
ton. don't disturb the stomach. 25c.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

DR.. Pierce's sPcllets"-the original sLittle
Liver Pills" (sugar-coated)-cure sick and
bilious headache, sour stomach and bilious at
tacks. By druggists.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
Does Advertising Paw ?

A young man advertised for a wife, his
sister answered the advertisement, and now
the young man thinks there is no balm in
advertisements, while the old folks think
it's hard to have two fools in the family
Detroit Free Press.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

WELLS HAIR BALsAM.
II gray, restores to original color. An elegant
dressing, softens and beauties. No oil nor
grease. A Tonic Restorative. Stops hair COM
ing out; strengthens, %cleanses, heals scalp. 500
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
What Did He Mean?

HALLS Hair Rcnewer is cooling to the scalp
and cures all itching eruptions.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

The bald eagle is the only bird that
shows proof of having a second wife.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
A Stab at. Liberty.

For ague, bilious, intermittent, break-bone,
aud swamp fevers, use Ayers Ague Cure.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
Why He Never Married.

No Opium in Piso's Cure for Consumption
Cures where other remedies fail. 25c.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

The oil of an African bamboo is. re
ported by Catholic missionaries to be
an excellent lubricator, and, when re-
anoa TO form q fair substitute for olive
oil in the cuisine. Its preparation bids
fair to become an important industry
in the French Congo region.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
sRough on Rats" clears on, Rats, Mice. $50.

sRougho on Corns"hard or soft corns, bunions, Is
sRough On Toothache." Instant relief. 15c
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

GEND y QUICK ir Prof Moody. New lnune.ssd
0Cstting. etc. Agents sell 10 = DAY. ProGhOODY CiseinuaI.A
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

TILES with scriptural texts upon them
may be regarded as textile fabrics
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

~N 70 ~ a day. Samples worth $1.50. FREE.
&A Lines not under the horses feet. Address
0c Brewster's Safety Rein Holder. Holly, Mich.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

| Fought
|esfought,l
Arnold W
Upon the
rdered to
~ William
MS vest B
h,audgone1
|Fld lot dri
Freedod
|overaw vii
lie that ID
fmur, sevs|
Il. Brandt
night BET
OF Indea
Pncert gatJ
| hundrcd]
ght Of al
Of gooll
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

# YOU WANT ,, the ee ,s1 selling asa book out ~ 8 on s sftEn
MAN & CO., CHICAGO. ILL.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

-. al
Your folll1
FL e, all dod
ni
|fnd be adj
f. Of the aI
and will !
(te man, aI
fs. If NJ
Ok for Al
|b!it so loapl
fnlng to ia
will quit r
|ression,a al
e.. Il
i this is subjd
y there N
e y oil
thousand
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06
S65 g. z & a As? :! la u !! s s.; {: s "a. II; \;

H&9 80 days. Refer to 1000 patients cured
VI o01 in all parts. Dr.. Marsh, Quincy, Mich.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-08-06

" SoOuJ
innocent |
Fnce beve}
late mend
a higher
|fous paseI
\ history
Men i'll
!. into thd
d they did
made it |
/ for, andI
[orit. It'd
|fompleteI
Pc histori
| Hill as q
Fm or pd|
ID, my 81
things i'll
fall It'd
In the pa
the HI
WhiskJ
hey usut1
10 champ
l
TT. Hond|
Glory ID
e blows
Burdetta
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1886-03-06

Scos;en s. providing that fine OF slO,-
600 shall be imposed upon railroad
officials violating the act, is changed 80
as to make the fine $4,000. A new
paragraph is inserted at the instance OF
Representative Weaver INTENDED TO iit
the case Of the Grand Trunk rail-
roadl, as follows; Any company
receiving freight in the United
States for shipment through foreign
countries, the ultimate destination
Of which is some place in the United
States, shall keep posted in a conspici-
GUS place at points Of shipment a
schedule giving through rates to points
in the United States beyond foreign
territory. The failure to do so shall
subject the company to the penalties
fixed in the bill, and any other ship
ment into foreign country and roship-
ments into the United States the
through rates on which have not been
published as required by the act shall.
on reaching the United States, be sub
jected to custom duties as il it were
foreign production.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1886-03-06
mo Lnhnr DinlcnIIies bod TcNns.

IBy telegraph to the Dispatch.
GALVESTON, March "a meeting
Of the local trade assemblies adjourned
after midnight last night. 1t wa, de-
termired that the Mallory boycott,
should be Immediately enforced agalnS'
the Cult. Colorado and Santa Fe and
Missouri Pacific roads. An order Will
at once he issued that every Knight OF
Labor working on either OF these lines
must refuse to handle freight consigned
to or from the Mallory Company. This
will bring matters to a crisis, as the
roads will be compelled to discharge
the men who refuse to handle the boy
cotted freight, and thus general strike
will probably follow.
GALVESTON. March j.-Ihe antici-
rated labor difficulties here had under
gone no active development up to noon.
Representatives of the Missouri Pacific.
Southern Pacific. Texas Pacific, Texas
Central and Gulf. and Colorado and
Santa Ferailroads were waited upon by
a committee and notified not to haul,
handle. or move freight consigned to or
from the Mallory Company or freight
for anv Of the wholesale houses Of Gal
weston. as the latter had refused to OBJ
serve the boycott against the Mallory
Line. This notice takes effect after
to-day. For this reason It Is
the general belief that a large
number Of workmcn will strike
tomorrow morning. CottOn-prc ses,
railroads, and the business community
generally are greatly Disguised with
the attitude Of and course pursued by
the Knights Of Labor, and there is much
talk Of boycott against them similar
to that started by the East Street reaper
works, at Springfield, Ohio. Large
bu>iness.houSes here express q willing
ness to close up their place rather than
submit to the dictates Of the knights.
The situation in North Texas. along the
line ofthe Texas Pacific, is not materially
changed. Late dispatches say that
Judge Pardee's order to the receivers
10 call on the United States marshal
in case Of any obstruction has had
marked effect in clearing the yards Of
idle strikers. The local assembly OF
Knights at Palestine, Tex, has issued
a circular calling on everybody friendly
10 the order to boycott all Texas
Pacific companies.
DALLAS, TEXAS, March j.-United-
Siates-Circuit-Judge Pardee last eve
ming sent full telegraphic instructions
from New Orleans to the receivers Of
the Texas Pacific road. ordering them
N case Of the obstruction Of the line
Ly strikers TO Immediately apply to
The United States Court for an order to
the marshal Of the district to a, once
restore possession and control OF the
company's property. All negotiations
al Marshall have fallen through, and the
strike has assumed a more serious
phase than at any time since its com
IDtuCemeOt,
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1886-03-06
Internal Revenue Collections.

10y tVitSIhiu i' INC bioph'Sh'I
WASHINGTON, March 5.-Ihe col
lections from internal-reyenue during
the first seven months of the fiscal
year ending January 80. 1856. amount to
$GG,S7S,ll7 which is Il, 53j, Isl more
than the collections during the CORE
spending period Of last year. There
was an increase Of $l34,j79 on spirits.
an increase of 1914, 40G on tobacco,
and an increase of $49G,944 on fer
mented liquors. There was decrease
vf SS3, 22l on penalties. The receipts
for January last were S494, BOZ less
than for January, 1885. The prlnci-
pal decrease vas on spirits and to-
baccO.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1886-03-06
TIE EDUCATION BILL.
?rl,i.iou, OF The net rs T,ualIJ Passed b, ~"
senate.
by telegraph to the Dispatch.l

senate.
BY telegraph to the Dispatch.l
WASHINGTON March j.-The edu.
cation bill as it passed the Senate pro-
yides that for eight years after its pas
sage there shall be annually appro-
priated from the Treasury the following
sums in aid Of common-schoOl educa.
tion in the States and Territories and
the District Of Columbia and Alaska
First year. 100000; second year,
10000. 1000; third year, $l5, 900;
fourth year, SIS, 100000; fifth year,
$1,000, 900 sixth year, 100000;
seventh year, 100000; eighth year,
$1,000, O00-making 81, ,000-be-
sides which there is a special appropria-
ton OF $4,000. 600 to aid in the erection
Of school-houseS in sparsely settled dis
trcts. making the total fund of So
OCO, 600. The money is given to the
several States and Territories " in that
proportion which the whole number of
persons in each, who. being Of tn
age Of ten years and over, cannot write,
bears to the whole number Of such per-
sons in the United States accord
ing to the census of 1850 until the
census figures Of 1890 shall be o.
tanned and then according to its later
figures.
In States having separate schools for
white and colored children the money
shall he paid out in support Of such
white and colored schools respectively
IN the proportions that white and color
I'd children between ten and twenty
one years old in such State bear to each
other by the census. No State is to
receive the benefit Of this act until its
Governor shall file with the Secretary
Of the Interior statement giving full
statistics of the school system; the
attendance of white and colored chill
drcn the amount Of money expended,
etc. the number Of schools in opera
ton the number and compensation Of
teachers, etc. No State or Territory
shall receive in any year from this fund
more money than it has paid out tn,
previous year from its own revenues for
common schools. If any State or Ter
ritory declines to take Its share Of the
national fund. such fund is 30 be dis.
tributcd among the States accepting the
benefit Of the fund. If any STATE or
Territory misapplies the fund or
fails TO comply with the condi-
tons it loses all subsequent ap.
po1tionments. Samples Of all school
books in use in the common schools Of
the States and Territories shall be fled
with the Secretary Of the Interior. Any
State or Territory accepting the proyi-
sions Of the act at the first session Of
its Legislature after the passage of the
act shall receive its pro-rata share Of
all previous annual appropriations.
Congress reserves the right to alter or
repeal the act.
The bill now goes to the House Of
Representatives for concurrence.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1886-03-06
floor of the exchange, crying on, az he

floor Of the exchange, crying out a. he
did so, 'Viuc Anarchie 80 The
bottle struck no one, remained intact,
and made no episode. A few spects.
tors, who we're interrupted in their OBJ
servations by the mans conduct, swore
at him, and asked why the police did
not remove him. The man then drew
out revolver and shot three times
down towards the main floor.
lie soon had the gallery to
himself and continued TO branlish
his revolver and yell, " Uve Anarchic ~
Tremendous excitement reigned for
awhile in the Exchange, and all bush
ness was suspended. The disturbcr
was soon seized and hurried from the
place, but none too soon, as the crowd
when they recovered from their fright
became furious and sought the Of
fender with cries Of - Lynch (! y The
prisoner Is a man belonging evidently
to the working class.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1886-03-06
THE SILVER QUESTION.
uHsrercc Of Opinion 80 Relation TO tn rur
chase Of Bullion for Coinage.
fBy teleprann IN the Disnatch

lBy telegraph 10 the Dispatch.
WASHINGTON, ID. c., March o.
During the month of February the
Secretary Of the Treasury purchased
l,4jO,OU0 ounces Of silver for coinage
into standard dollars. being abOnt jOO,-
600 less than the usual monthly pur-
chase. Its explained at the Department
that the amount Of silver fell short be-
cause no more was offered at market
rates. The price was higher, owing
to the increased expenses Of trans
portation during the bad weather
which prevailed during the month.
There was, however. sufficient bullion
on hand to allow coinage Of dollars to
the minimum limit. These silver pur-
chaSeS are made semi weekly. \ COM
mission, consisting Of Assistant-Secre-
tary Fairchild. Mr.. kimball, director
Of the mint, and Treasurer Jordan, cen
siders The bids received and report to the
Secretary the adyisabi.ity of their ac-
ccptance. \ division Of sentiment has
ilcNdDtA lol WI ~ NNShn fdNb di4iOH5
the members Of the commission as to
the legality of the purchases in queS-
ton. Treasurer jordan holds that
there sho"ld be a specific apprO-
priation for such purchases, and
in the absence Of such appropria-
ton invariably recommends the re ice.
tion Of all bids received. The
two other members Of the Commission
hold that the coinage act requiring the
purchase Of bullion and the coinage Of
not less than two millions Of standard
dollars in each month is in the nature
Of a permanent appropriation and con-
fers full authority in the premises. The
result has been that for several weeks
past the Secretary has received two re-
ports on the subject; the majority re-
port recommending the acceptance Of
The lowest bids received and the minor.
ity report recommending the rejection
Of all the bids. The Secretary mas in
each instance approved the majority
report and directed that the silver be
purchased in accordance Herewith.
Had he acted in accordance with the
recommendations OF Treasurer Jordan
10 silver would have been purchased
and the coinage Of standard dollars to
the limi, provided by law would have
been practically suspended.