The Wilmingtonian., 1886-09-04
Breyities.

Fogg-I heard pretty compliment for you
the other day. Mrs Passy-Indeedl May
ask what it wasl Fogg--I heard some one
say how pretty you used to be- Mrs PasSay-
Used to bel Do you call that a compliment!
call it an obituary notice - Chicago Tribune.
A deacon Of Greenville Pa.) church has a
string of buttons half yard long, taken out
of the contribution box within "a few years
What business has the deacon with the but
tonsi They were contributed for the heathen
and several scores of heather have been
obliged to hitch their suspendeIs with shin
gle nail because of this embezzling deacon
Now the deacon is confessing, let him tell
what he did with the money-if there was
any. What good are these deacons, anyway,
if a button must he stopped short Of its mis-
sions-IIolyoke Transcript
A woman went into a clothing store the
other day and asked for pair of pants for
her husband, answering the query as to what
size she wanted by saying that he was man
about 45 years sold.-Exchange
"You can always tell bachelor by the way
he handles a baby" says an exchange. On
the contrary, you can always tell bachelor
by the way he doesn't handle a baby-Som-
erville journal.
Hens make great mistake in not salting
their eggs Eefore they lay them. The eggs
would keep longer and sell better, and the
hens would not have to work so hard for
higher wages.-SOmerville Journal
Queen Victoria talks of publishing another
diary, and says that il will he her last book.
Well, that's good news; rush it into print
quickly, your majesty, and let's get through
with it.-nurdette.
Life is full of joy and poetry. bright sun
shine, refreshing showers, fruits and flowers
and gladness, hut none Of these things run
through the mind of the man who arrives ut
the depot just in time to see the train pulling
out in the distance as though it was going TO
some place. Pittsburg Dispatch.
Thus elderly Mrs Spinach can't inaC-
inc nohow why my darter talks SO incorrect
She don't hear nothin' but good speakin'. As
fur her father, he's pufrick patrpn fur Ian
guidGe. An never made no consequential
mistakes.-Detroit Free Press
"Nliss Spriggins wears such hidea,ls clothes,
wonder where she gets thems' said matron
at Long Branch, "Why, don't You knowi'
exclaimed NfSs Pourls of Cincinnati. Her
clothes are made at home She's SOM Of that
Chicago dressed meat You read of Pitts
burg Chronicle
4ii' holihll--h W alltls here Is DuttOh III
the soup. Waterfall, yes-the cooks. Wen
you can have it, He'll never miss it t-Ranl-
bier
A cOlored woman was heard this morning
informing neighbor that last nights storm
frightened her so that She shook like an ash
pan. ."-fittaburg Chrenirle-Telcgraph,
Printers have much to endure 4 morning
paper that had subedited u cheap ''nd." re-
ceivcd the following lucid complaint: "Please
lnSurt the abuNe as 1t is roate down, not alter
it aN it ware last week pleas" This is how it
was "ronte'; n respectful woman age Al as
| good plane cook trustworthy to eldy or small
ianIely good reference address," etc. 1t
only remains to add that the writing of thi,
was fully us original as the spelling VIII
minston Home Weekly
philadelphia has no electric lights, ," SAYS
an cN 'hange. Well, what of it, The citizens
don't need them Philadelphia goes to roost
at sunset New Haven News
How TO get rid Of surplus milk--C Cheese it.
Lowell Courier.
| Hardly anybody would care to change
places with the turtle, and yet he ha, great
Snap-Ncw Haven News.
A man who had not the best reputation for
strict vcracity died tine other day, and the
family were greatly incensed because some
well meaning friends sent in tl.,.e4 lie as
Il floral tribIte. Boston Post.
"What lo you do with YOU! ayn
nSk"d Bjuncs VI the cousin irp.,, 4. who
is visiting at his house. "SunduyG u,eate,.
the Chicago man wonderingly, what's
that. Cambridge Chronicle.