The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1886-05-07
VARIETIES.

Pen, ink, paper and brains are the only
things requisite to literary success; and al
most anybody can get the pen, ink and paper.
judging from the great number of strik-
ers, it would seem that somebody supposes
the iron TO be hot.
-"What is your idea Of love, Mr.. Sim.
mick ?" Three meals day and well cook
ed"
-"Can February March ?" asked the pun.
ster, with sickly smile. "Perhaps not" re-
piled the quiet man, "but April May" The
punster had not another word to offer
| why do you applaud at this time ?"
| asked gentleman of another, who INDUCED
in vigorous manifestations of delight long af-
ter the close of each act.
"Ah de entire act 1t is beautiful" he ex-
claimed, enthusiastically
but there is nothing absolutely nothing.
| The orchestra is dumb, and all is quiet on the
| stage" persisted the gentleman, more puzzled
| than before"
ITO be sure, sair-I encore re quiet. 1t is
charmante-what you call magnifesong. AT
ter Eat performance could listen to re quiet
forever"
In reply, to the New England lecturer
who asks, "what does man owe his neigh
bors ?" we can say only that it depends on
whether his wife is one of those kind OF wo-
men who are always running over to the next
house to borrow cup of sugar, or an egg or
a wad of lard.
Clara Ito friend)-"Have you heard the
good news?"
Ethel-"No, what is it ?"
Clara Ctriumphantly)-"Papa has been bit.
ten by mad dog and we are all going to
Paris"
brilliant and impulsive people," de-
clares lecturer on physiology, "have black
eyes, or if they don't have them, they're apt
to get them if they're too impulsive."
"A fashion article says: plush is used in
combination with faile for elderly ladies."-
For elderly ladies, of course in the bright
lexicon of youth there's no such word as faile
Mrs. Wells (about to hire new servan)
Nov, in regard to going out visiting, II
Servant Gnterrupting)-"Och, go out when
liver yez loikes, yell not find Bridget OMur.
ply harrud, mum, or dictatorial loike'
"A foot rule-Don't wear tight Shoes
"A Maine doctor of divinity went over to
Scotland, the land of his birth, and soon af.
ter his return he preached sermon on giving.
lie said that liberal giving helped a man in
more ways than one. To illustrate his point,
he presented the case of one of his friends in
Scotland He was lawyer who had become
rich, as well as eminent.
This friend told me, !" said the doctor, "that
one of the causes to which he attributed his
success, was his habit of giving literally. He
said that he had always made practice of
setting aside one-tenth of his income for gifts.
And, my friends"-the doctor spoke with
much earnestness-"he assured me that if he
had his life to live over again he would in
crease it to one-twelfth."
"A pound of bananas, it is said, contains
more nutriment than three pounds of meat
or as many pounds of potatoes while as u
food 1t is in every sense superior to the best
wheaton bread. Although it grows spontane-
ously throughout the tropics, when cultiyat-
ed its yield is prodigiQus, for an acre of
ground planted with bananas will return as
much food material as thirty three of wheat
or over one hundred acres of potatoes. 1t is
not generally known that bananas fried, bak.
ed or roasted are very appetzing, and that
sliced and placed in dish with alternate
slices OF orange they make Il most delicious
dessert.
If at any time our faith seems to be weak
let us never deprcciate the little we possess.
Satan will very likely tempt us at this very
point, and will assure us that we have not
enough faith TO claim any promise. Rather
let us thank God that He has not wholly for
saken us; that He gives us a desire for more
faith and that He constantly furnishes US en-
couragements to believe. Cherish heartfelt
gratitude. Nothing will conduce more to
spiritual growth. Satan will be powerless to
injure so long as we persistently turn our
eyes 'unto the hills" 1t is only when we
underrate the grace already given, and will.
FULLY admit into our thoughts the adversary,
that our condition is one of peril.