davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-12-23
WIT OF THE WEEK.

The main question: "Seen the new boy
who has moved in around the corner?"
"Yaas." ''Found out anything?" Lots;
his father used to work in saw-mill, and
his mother was dress-maker.'' "Humph!
who wants to know anything of the father
and mother? What we want to find out
is whether we kin lick the boy or have
got to run from him."
"Found any salt?" asked a Detroiter
of a man who was drilling hole on his
farm in Indiana. No" amy oil?''
No." Natural gas?' "Maybe you are
drilling for fun!" "Mebbe am stranger,
and Mebbe I'm diggin' to git shet of this
farm to stock company. IF you know
more about it than I do I'll resign"
Thirty-three per cent. of the poems
printed last week were written by wo
man. This seems like great waste of
time, but what shall be said of the men
who wrote the 81 per cent? They fritter
away great deal of valuable time that
might have been devoted to billiards or
pool or something that way.
Kindly Old Lady: "What's the matter,
little Dos? Little Boy (crying BITTERLY
II jes' los f. cents Kindly old
lady (give him nickel: ''Well, here is 5
cents more for you, SO don't cry. How
did you lose it?" Little boy Feeling bet
ter): lost it pitching pennies"
''To dream of eggs" it is said ''is a
sign that the dreamer is going to get
money" Here is a new avenue to wealth
open to the working classes. Many q
man will stand around on the cornerl
complaining of hard times, instead of go
ing home and dreaming of eggs.
Guest: "What do you mean by putting
me in such den as this? You assured
me in your letter that everything at your
hotel was light and airy" Host: "Did I;
Come to think of it, did say something
of that kind; | guess I must have means
the clerk"
Doctor-What ails you, sir? Patient
[ don't know, doctor. / have such buz
zing sound in my ears all the time
Would you like to look at my tongue,
Doctor-No, never mind. Bring YOU
wife around some day. I'd like to look
at hers.
eff my dorg don't bite anything" ex
+ planned saloonist, ''eaferypody say hi
vhas no good. If he bites somepody, del
eaferypody say he must be killed.
seems to me dot dorg doan get some fai
show.'
''Why, Chawley," drawled out Gus d.
Flipkins to mis- chum, P. Percy Giddi
bralne, "where's your watch?" "Oh,
couldn't stano it. He replied, ''the beast
~ ticking shattered my nerves."
"What is celerity?" inquiries a subscrib
er. Celebrity is quality a man exhibits
when he gets up out of the chair OF
which his wife had by mistake left he
| needle cushion.
"Will you have some tonic with you
oysters, Mamie4" Eyes get me some
ginger ale" "Ginger ale?" "Yes, tina
pops, believe, when you open it,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-12-23
FACTS AND FANCIEs ABOUT PUGs

A pug-If -bred-costs from SIS
to $50 to begin with.
1t is not en- regle for the pug to wear a
collar, it's neck being the same size as its
body.
A fine pug must be a stone-fawn color,
with jet black ears and nose. The latter
should be set directly under its eyes.
The Fox terrier threatens to supersede
the pug in fashionable circles in Eng
land as pet, but here it is as popular
as ever.
A pug's owner lives in a state Of con
slant trepidation lest the little wretch
should be stolen. 1t is usually carried off
bi-monthly for the sake Of the reward of
fered for its safe return.
A pug's bath includes sulphur soap,
white cream arnica jelly, and stout stick
to prevent it from drowning itself in the
tub or raising the neighborhood by its
cries of murder.
It's tail should Girl like a small porker's.
1t should have two black moles on each
cheek. It should have wrinkles and eyes
that resemble the glass imitation, And it
must be accompanied by pedigree.
It's toilet consists Of blankets in differ
ent colors, some embroidered with mono
grams, others fur-trimmed, with a pocket
for the pets handkerchief; a harness,
composed of strips and bells, and silk
leader, which is fastened to its owners
hand
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-12-23
They Had Met the Baron.
San Francisco Chronicle.


| think lying is elder than gambling.
The primordial protophasmal globule
lied, I believe. In olympus the gods lied
like pirates, and if you read mythology
you'll find that Jupiter had to lie to Juno
nearly every night. And she caught him
out nearly every night. Juno was a
rustler. don't believe lying ever reach
ed such absolute perfection IS in man
who came on the overland with a friend
of mine lately.
They got talking about gold mines, and
the Californian thought he knew good
deal about that subject. The stranger
was mine-owner.
''You should see my Peruvian mine,'
said the traveller. That's the place where
they have gold. I've seen specimens
that ran up in the hundreds of theus-
ands"
'sWell, ntsaid the Californian, IT have
myself specimen of pure, true virgin
gold"
''MY dear boy, I've hundred specimens
that beat virgin gold"
"Say!" said the Californian, sin your
travels did you ever hear of man named
Baron Munchausen?"
sob, yes. He owns the next claim to
me-
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-12-23
A Title Thrown to the Winds.

The Omaha Republican calls the editor
thereof major" Now, by the great
horn spoon, we want this thing stopped
right here and now. We want it distinct
~ understood that while we eft in the
war;" and on the wrong side at that, we
fit and fed and survived as private sol
dier.
We have since done nothing to deserve
the odium of fictitious title, and an at
tempt to fasten one upon Us will simply
convert US into bad man with gun and
ferocious determination to cultivate a
more extensive cemetery than Wild Bill,
4uba Dan, Or any other holy terror that
ever reflected credit upon the budding
civilization of the wild and woolIy west.
We were not q major during the war. We
were a minor.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-12-23
DEATH AND OBSTRUCTION
A Mississippi River Steamer Burned
and Sixty Lives Reported to be Lost.
Many Passengers Perish in Their BEDS
or Drown -Heartrending Scenes.
Explosions Add to the Horfor-Books.
Vessel and Cargo Total Loss.
BURNED on THE MISSISSIPPI.

Details of the Steamer J. n. White Horror.
MEMPHIS, Dec. 17.-Last night, about
IL o'clock, the Mississippi river steamer,
j. III. White, the finest boat on the river,
was burned to the waters edge, while ly.
ing at bank few miles Dove the bayou
Sara, and about thirty miles above Baton
Rouge. Fifty or sixty lives are believed
to have been lost, consisting largely of
women and children. Nearly all the crew
were saved. The boat was taking on cot
ton when the fire broke OUT and had on
board $500 bales and 800 sacks of cotton
seed which made the cargo worth $150,0O0.
The boat and cargo are total loss. The
steamer cost 1925 900 and was considered
by many the finest and fastest boat ever
run on the river. The boat at the time
of the fire was valued az only 100000,
and was insured for $4,000. The cargo
is undoubtedly fully covered by in
surance. 1t is understood that the super
intendent of the Videlia railroad, at
Natchez, together with his wife and chill
dren are among those who who persisted.
The names and the exact number of
the lost cannot now be given as the
books of the boat were destroyed. The
steamer piled between Vicksburg and
New Orleans.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-12-23

who is the next heir to the castlew
asks the latter musingly, drumming
his fingers idly on table near him.
"Dynecout, the fellow who nearly
did for Sir Adrian this EVENING"" re-
plies Ringwood quietly.
"Ah!"
1T would have meant very good
thing for Arthur if the shot had taken
effect" says Ringwood, cycling his COM
panion curiously.
1t would have meant murder. sir!"
reJolns the surgeon shortly.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-12-23
A Serious Affair.
Rocky Mountain Cyclone

We begin the publication of the Roccy
Mountain Cyclone with some phew diph-
phiculties in the way. The type phoun-
ers phrom whom we bought our outfit
phailed to supply US with any cps or Gays,
audit will be phour or Or phive week be-
phore we can get any. The m1staque was
not phoud out until day or two ago.
We have ordered the missing letters, and
will have to get along without them till
they come. We don't lique the look ov
this variety of spelling any better than
our readers, but mistax will happen in
the best regulated phamilies, and iph the
ph's and c's and as hold out we shall ceep
Sound the C hard the Cyclone whirling
aphter phasion till the sorts arrive. It
is no joque to us-its serious aphair.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-12-23
They Found Him Out.
Someryille Journal.

A young man was detected the other
day masquerading around in woman's
clothing in Boston. Suspicion was ex-
cited as he was standing in front of a
millinery window. The woman next to
him exclaimed:
''Oh, don't you see that love OF bon
metz"
And he replied:
eyes, It's pretty enough, but it cost
S35."
Then all the women about him scream
ed, for they knew at once he was man
in female disguise.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-12-23
He Must Wait.
T TO

colored man was leaning against the
Cen trail butchers market yesterday, hav-
ing on his head a straw hat which ex-
hibited sign of age, when a pedestrian
asked:
isn't your head cold with that hat
on?"
Powerful cold, sah!" was the prompt
reply, "but [ can't afford to line it wild
sealskin afore mex summer"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-12-23
a Waste of Time.
San Francisco Chronicle.

German Why don't you Americans
drink beer as we do?
Young America-How's that?
G.-Sip it slowly, and take half or
three-quarters of an hour to glass.
VA. with disgust 1T would take all
night to get full.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-12-23
The Other Kind.
Detroit Free Press

When it began to rain yesterday boy
rushed out of Michigan avenue shoe
store and began to hurry the display
goods inside. He was at this work when
pedestrian came up and said:
II guess I'll look farther. I was after
a pair of rubber boots, and I see you are
taking yours in out of the rain. I want
something to stand the vet.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-12-23
He Had His ish
Boston Courier.

BOSIOA COURIER.
IT wish this were chestnut bell" he
said, as he took her hand in his.
''Wny SOL" she blushingly asked.
Because I would ring it," he answer
ed.
you may consider it Sc" she said, and
the day is named.
A Sunday school teacher asked little
girl if she had been babtized. eyes,"
said the little girl; ''twice?'' Why how
could that be-" 81 didn't take the first
Time" said the little girl.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-07-28

choice Norfolks selling at 1926 to $500 and
mediums at S1.75 to ~ per bushel
EGGs.--Good stock finds ready sale. Ex-
ira Vermont lots sell at 175 to 1Sc, New York
extra at 1Sc and choice Western at 145c per
dozen.
THE WOOL MARKET.
THERE has been a liberal inquiry for
wool at quotations, but the market can
not be said to have advanced Ohio
Xxx sells at "a to 35c, Ohio X at
80 to 33c, Michigan No. 1 at SO to SIC,
California spring at % to &c, Eastern
Oregon at % to 24c, Maine supers at $50,
extra Western pulled at % to 32c and
medium combng at "a to 35c per pound.
THE LUMBER TRADE.
THERE has been no change in the differ
ent classes of lumber since our last, though
boards are moving rather better There
has been an improved demand for North
ern car lumber during the week. We
quote rough hemlock boards at $40 to
5000, and planed at $11 to $12; spruce
underfioors at SIG and Northern stock
boards at $50; extra sawed cedar shingles at
1925 to $780, and first-quality shaved at
S5.25; extra aft. spruce clapboards at 500,
clear at 1927 and No. at S12 to SO; spruce
and pine laths, $500 to 1925.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-07-28

stable. == During the month of August,
on account of the vacation of the pastor,
there will be no services at the Universaist
church unless otherwise noticed. 80 The
long and painful illness of EbeneZer Well
ington terminated in his death on Tuesday
of last week. 80 Mrs. Hollis Town and
daughter have gone to visit her parents at
her old home in NARROW, n. II. - A. w.
Kenney, a celebrated artist of Chicago, who
spent last season at Echo farm, was so
pleased that he is to come again the first of
August bringing his class with him. -
Walter ellison spent Sunday at Herrick
Sylvester's in this place We are informed
that he and two friends, Arthur Taylor and
Roland Freeman, rode their bycicles from
their homes in New York city to Barnard,
where they are to stop for some time. -
j. X. Egerton of Mortified was in town
on business Tuesday of last week. -
Mrs. Rachel Strong and daughter of Vine
land n. j., are visiting in town. -
Eugene Rogers and wife were called to
Northfield last week by the sickness of his
father. - The Hon. Crosby Miller of
Pomfret was in town upon business on Fri
day of last week.
East Bethel.
THERE was pleasant social gathering at
John Buttons last Friday evening for the
benefit of the band. - The Ladies' Aid
Society meets with Mrs. Fl. w. Fowler this
"wednesday afternoon. - Mrs. Charles
Smith of Fond du Lac, Wis, and Mrs
Austin Brooks were the guests of Mrs
Norman Fowler last week. - Mrs. Maria
Fowler is convalescing.
GaysviIle.
JAMES BARNES, who is i'll of dropsy, is not
expected to recover. Orlando Roberts is
also failing. - Mr.. and Mrs. Cyrus Alb
bott have gone to Amherst, Mass, to visit
friends. - DR.. G.. G. Smith is indulging
in a trip to California. DR.. Greene of Bethel
has the care of his patients in his absence.
- Mrs. Ladd, the dress-maker, has two
sisters visiting her
Sharon.
NJ. p. FLANDERS was thrown from load
of hay one day last week. He struck upon
his head and was quite severely injured.
- Our farmers have nearly all finished
their haying. They report a much larger
crop than for several years past. Up to this
writing but little rain has fallen in this sec
ton for the past few weeks. The streams
are low and fears are entertained of light
crop of potatoes. - Miss Luella NJ.
Snow closed a very successful term of
school in District No. last Friday. Roy
Freeman and Fred e. Jones had no marks.
- Henry George is very i'll with a COM
plication of diseases. - Mrs. e. w.
Brown and daughter and Miss Lucy Phelps
of Bellows Falls are visiting in town.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-07-28
Caledonia County.

A MIXED train was put on between Hyde
Park and st. Johnsbury the 10Th, passing
this station, going east, at 6:45 A. NJ: going
west, at 7:25 P. NJ This connects at St
JOhnsbury, we understand, with a train for
Boston and other points south, and will
supply an urgent need to people on this
McCrillis was taken to Jail on Monday the
10Th, having failed to procure bail as ex-
pected during the previous week. Arrange
and he was released from Jail on Thursday.
IS. p. Wheeler lost good cow re-
Gently, it having been sick for several
gave a reception to the band and a select
1t was held at the residence of the brides
- Dwight Kimball's family of East
Somerville or Charlestown, Mass, are now
in town visiting relatives and friends. -
The raspberry crop promises to be smaller
than usual, the open winter and dry spring
being the principal causes thereof. -
The news of the purchase of the st. Johns
bury & Lake Champlain railroad by the
Boston & Lowell corporation, now oper-
ating it under lease, is received with much
favor by local interests in this section, and
predictions of an improvement in our rail-
road facilities at no distant day are freely
INDUCED in. Miss Flora Batchelder,
daughter of the hotel-keeper, and Miss Ball
of Lexington, Mass, We're thrown backward
from wagon, caused by the seat not being
properly fastened The former was slightly
and the latter seriously, injured
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-07-28
LamOille County.
Stowe.

AT the republican caucus, Saturday night,
delegates were elected favorable to the nom
ination of j. b. Slayton as state senator from
this county. - The hay crop is a larger
one than usual. - A. II. Slayton in
tended to go to California this summer, but
owing to the health of Mrs. Slayton will be
likely to abandon the project - There
is more mountain travel this season than
usual. 80 In the west part of the town
one of our city guests tried to catch skunk
to carry home as a pet. Learning the char
acter of the animal, she suddenly aban-
doned the pleasure and sought place of
safety. - The concert ON the Branc II
last week Thursday evening was largely at
tended. The proceeds, about $50, went to
support preaching. =C G. S. Conant has
sold his goods and grocery trade to Arba
Pike and will move to Waterbury this week
- DR.. S. r. Towne of Massachusetts is
in town for few days. The doctor was boy
among us and is well remembered. -
DIR. Ransom Stiles of Barnet is in town with
his father, j. w. Stiles. He took his family
with him - Miss Helen Slayton, teach
ing at Winsted, Conn, is at home on a va
cation. - Mrs. p ID. Pike and two sons
of Brooklyn, n. Y, are in town.
From another source.l
THE Mount Mansfield Hotel on Saturday
had sixty regular boarders, and there were
seventy-five guests at dinner on Sunday.
This hotel, under the management of its
new proprietor, Mr.. George Doolittle, is re-
gaining its former excellent repute. Prices
have been reduced from last season to suit
the times yet the table is first-class and all
the appointments are of the best. Mr.. Doo-
little is assisted by A. j. Boynton, formerly
clerk of the Bates House of Rutland and
Van Ness House, Burlington, and Mr.. Will
son. An orchestra of eleven pieces from the
opera-house of Toronto, Canada, has arrived
for the season, and their splendid music is
great attraction for the hotel and the viii
layers. Judge Bradley of the United States
supreme court, who has spent several sea-
sons here, arrived on Saturday. Among
the New York guests at the hotel is a nephew
of Washington Irving. The road up Mount
Mansfield is in good condition. The Summit
House register shows thus early large
number of arrivals. This house is under the
same general management as the large
hotel in the village. 1t furnishes excellent
meals, for which the mountain air furnishes
an excellent appetite.
Wolcott.
THE hands on this section of the railroad
are making the ground along the track the
incest we have ever seen it. - David
Sleeper had a good horse die very suddenly
one day last week. - Charles Benefits
wife is very low with consumption. 60
Mrs. Maria Richardson of Lowell, Mass, is
here visiting old acquaintance.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-07-28
Weekly Market Review.
VERMONT PRODUCE.


MoNTPELIER.-Selectio of freshly-made
butter sell at II to 15c per pound; cheese,
SIC per ID; eggs, 15c per dozen; potatoes, 60
to 75c per bushel; beef to &c per lb;
pork, 5lc per ID; lamb, &c per Id; veal
3 to 4ac per lb; mutton, % to &c per pound.
VERGENNEs. Butter, 10 to lac per Id;
eggs, 15c per dozen; beans, 81 to $1.25 per
bushel; potatoes, 80 to 55c per bushel; pork,
Al to &c per ID; beef, to &c per lb veal,
to 44c per lb, live weight
RIcHMoND.-Far to good butter sells at
II to 14c and choice at 10 to 16c per lb; fac
tory cheese at d to Sc, and dairy at to Tic
per lb; eggs, lac per dozen.
WATERFOWL AND BRIGHTON
LIVE STOCK.
CATTLE.-The receipts were 2,59S head
The market was weak at to 7ac for North
ern. There was no fancy stock Offering
Among the sales we note the following:
By f. III. Coolidge & Son, a carload of cows
at prices ranging from $50 to S45 per head :
by A. Stone, four springers at 800 per head
and cows at from S45 to $50 each; by j.
Meloy, one four-year-old heifer at 500 by
|. G.. Libby & Son, ten mich cows at S25 to
$40 and some cows of extra quality at $40
to 500 per head.
SHEEP AND LAMBs.-The receipts were
II 80 head. Trade was steady at % to &c
for sheep and to 6Ic per Id for lambs.
SwINE.-The receipts were 14,S12 head
The market was firm, Northern dressed
selling at 6 to &c and Western live at Al to 5sc
per pound.
VEALs.-The supply of veals was 1224
head. The market was slightly dull but
prices were unchanged ranging at q to 5Ic
per pound.
PoULTRy.-There were three and one-half
tons upon the market, chicks selling at l5c
and hens at l0c per pound.
HIDES, TALLow, ETC.-We quote hides at
6l to 75c per Id, calf-skins at TO lie per h.
dairy skins at % TO SOC each, lamb-skins
at 40 to 60c each, shearlings at 20 to 35c
each, Brighton tallow at p to Sc and coun-
try at u to &c per h.
BOSTON COUNTRY PRODUCE.
BUTTER.-The market Is in good condi-
ton. Creamery butter is very firm and
sells well at quotations. Strictly choice
dairy butter is also in good request. Imita-
ton creamery has only moderate sale
We quote extra Vermont at 16Ic, choice
Western creamery at Is to lie and good
to choice at IA to 15c per pound.
HAY AND SrRAw.-The tone of the market
has improved Ordinary grades of hay
are still dull and unchanged in price.
Rye straw is quiet. We quote choice
prime hay at $500 to $3.50 fair to
good at $1,000 to $1,000 and poor at $1,000 to
$3.50. Rye straw sells at $3.50 and CAT at
vs. to $40 per ton.
CHEEsE.-The demand has been fairly
good and prices are pretty firm. We
quote extra Vermont at to ste, good to
choice at 7 to TIC, common at to &c and
extra sage at to SIC per pound.
PoTAToEs.-Old potatoes are out of the
market. New lots are arriving freely
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-07-28
Business Clothes.

INFANTS and invalids of this decade owe
much to Wells, Richardson & Co. of Bur-
lington, VT, for the birth to the public of
their wonderful Lactated Food, which has
ment of the entire medical profession.
Leading hospitals and institutions now use
it altogether. 1t is unequaled for weak and
intiamed digestive organs, either of infants
or adults. A complete substitute for mothers
milk; retained by the most delicate of
stomachs. Infants thrive ON and invalids
relish it. Sold by druggists; twenty-five
cents, fifty cents and S10O. Send for
pamphlet giving important medical opinions
on the nutrition of infants and invalids.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-07-28
Deatbs.

In Topsham, July Is, Freddie Weed, I.
In Hardwick, July II, Benjamin +. Thomas, 70.
In St. bloomsbury Center, July IL, Caleb Hail. 80.
In Brattleboro, July 49, william II. Hamilton, 49,
Nash, SO.
In olcutt Falls, July 20, Prudentous Brooks,
about 40
=, In Berlin, July 20, Daniel G., of Mr.. and Mrs
Hosea Brown, months.
In Moretown, July "a, of diphthera, Ellen, daugh-
ter OF MIR. and Mrs. William Russell, 8.
In East Warren, July 8, Mary Child, wife of
Stephen Goodspeed, rs years and months
In South Barre, July IA, Mrs. Clarissa g. wife of
Henry Upton 70 years, 10 months and IL days.
In Chelsea, July %, of cancer, Leonora Ladd),
wife of Lewis G. Beckwith, 81 years and months