davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18
The Town Cow Discussed.

The Western Union (O.) Defender,
says: One of the most annoying things
that the country people have to contend
with is the ordinary town COW. When
the farmer leaves home he puts in the
bottom of his sleigh or sled a bountiful
armful of hay. This answers the two
fold purpose of seat and to keep the
feet of himself and the good wife warm.
He arrives at town, unloads his wife in
front of some store, and proceeds to
hitch his team at some point about the
public square. No sooner is his back
turned than a dozen starved COWS i'm
mediately surrounded his ed, and be-
fore he could say "Jack Robinson, with
his mouth open," every straw in his
sled had gone through the gastric orr
fees OF the aforesaid cows. We noticed
one particularly careful fellow the other
day. After hitching his team he took
his hay and carried it into the court
house yard. He was going to have
the dead-wood on that bunch of hay,
and departed for a saloon with a grin on
his face. We watched the proceeding
with considerable interest. He was not
out of sight until three or four long
horns opened the gate and proceeded to
the pile and chewed it up. Clubbing
these lean kline does no good In fact,
they rather enjoy the fun. You can
take an ordinary stick of cordwood and
LOUNGE it from off their carcasses fifty
feet high and they will turn around and
smile at you. They don't even grunt
when you have hit them hard nough to
stave In their ribs. Such punishment
seems only to act as a tonic; i whets
their appetites and makes them enjoy
tle repast which the farmer has hauled
to them from his home many miles dis
tant' And after it is all over, just notice
the peculiar look they give the man who
came to town sitting on a pile of hay,
rs he departs for home sitting on the
bare boards The town cow is a nui
sance, but at the same time a necessity
n all rural villages. A ''home without
mother" would not be a more lone
some spectacle than a rural village with
out its herd of lean, long horned, stump
tailed cows.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18
A Century of progress has not prod

A Century of progress has not produced
a remedy eqtal to Ely's Cream Balm for
Catarrh. Cold in the Head and Hay Fever. It
is not liquid or snuff, but is perfectly safe
and easily applied with the finger. 1t gives
immediate relief and cures the worst cases.
Price 50 cents. At druggist. 60 cents by mail.
Ely Bros, Owego, n. Y.
"A God-send is Ely's Cream Balm"
writes Mrs. NJ. A. jackson, of Portsmouth,
n. H., on May %, 1882. | had catarrh for
three years had tried nearly all remedies but
to no purpose. Two or three times week my
nose would bleed quite freely, and | thought
the sores in it would never heal. Your Balm
has cured me. This preparation is not a
liquid or a snuff, and is easily applied. Price,
30 cents.
EIy's Cream Balm is the most effec-
tive, convenient and agreeable catarrh RENE
dy l ever used, and have tried them all.-C.
B. Cook Henning, Lauderdale Co., Tenn.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18
No Further Work for the Dog.

The S3nerUiUe Journal tells this
story:
Wife Teadlng the paper)-Wel, l
declare, if that isn't the queerest thing
| ever heard of.
Husband What's that?
Wife-Why, here in the paper is an
account of a wedding up in Manchester,
and among the wedding presents was
bull-terrier, given to the bride by her
father.
Husband don't see anything odd
about that She was the old mans
youngest daughter, wasn't she2
Wife-Yes, but what has that got to
do with it2
Husband of course, if she and
all the rest were married, he had no
further use for the dog
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18
On the fly--The escaped convict.


arouses the apprehensions of whole city. And
yet the wild havoc of disease startles no one.
Sad to relate, women suffer from year to year
with chronic diseases and weaknesses peculiar
to their sex, knowing that they are growing
worse with every day, and still take no meas
lite Prescription is the result of lifelong and
learned study of female complaints. 1t is
guaranteed to cure.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

A CURE.-A st. Paul wife has cured
her husband of taking refreshing lit
tie nap after 6 o'clock dinner, as he has
been wont to do. She became disguised
with trying to amuse herself while her
helpmeet slumbered. She called him
and attempted to converse, but in vain.
He returned to the land of nod, and
would not stay awake, nor would he
make himself agreeable. He slumbercd
in an easy-chair before the cheerful
CRATE fire. 1t was warm within the
room. 1t was 80 degrees below zero on
the outside. She opened window and
left the room. When the sleeper woke
his ears were nipped. He sleeps no more
in easy-chairs with his cars exposed.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

A REBUKE.-Sam Jones, the revival
list, rebuked drunkard in these apt
terms 'You ought to be ashamed of
yourself; you're all the time full of
whisky. Why, when your wife walks
to church with you she has to put her
arm through the handle of an old demi-
john. All you need is little willow
work to make you regular old demi-
John"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

DIR. WALKERS VINEGAR BITTERs-a
medicine that expels disease without
weakening the patient, exhilarates the
spirits without the aid of alcoholic poison
cures every phase and consequence of
indigestion, restores the shattered nerves,
regulates the bowels and the liver, and
imparts to the constitution new strength
and elasticity. Let the sick reioicel
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18
Old rounders--The hands of the clocl
nncnU of thu Rnnna

Decay oil fhe bones,
with some thirty other symptoms, mark the
progress of that terrible disease known as ca
tarrh. 1t advances from stage to stage of fear
full annoyances, and if neglected, is certain to
end in general debility, and possibly in con-
sumption or insanity. DR.. Sage's Catarrh
Remedy will cure it at any stage. This medi-
cine has been long before the bile, and thou
sands have been restored to health by its never
failing virtues.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

ScovHL's SARsAPARILLA, OR BLOOD AND LIVER
SYRUP will Scrofulous Taint rheumatism,
White Swelling Govt, Goitre, Consumption, Bron-
chitis, Nervous Debility, Malaria and all diseases
arising from an impure condition of the blood Cert
ficates can be presented from many leading physi-
clans, ministers, and heads OF families throughout
the land endorsing 1t In the highest terms. We
constantly in receipt of certificates of from
the most reliable sources, and we recommend it as
the best known remedy for the cure of the above
diseases.
For SPECIAL RATES for advertising in this paper
apply to the publisher of the paper. D
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

OLD dad" Freeman, colored, who
died at Detroit, Mich, few weeks
ago, aged 1872 years, is eclipsed by An
drew Lucas, also colored, who claims to
be 127 years old He was born slave
in the family of General Jackson, whom
he accompanied to New Orleans as a
body servant and there witnessed the
defeat of the British. Lucas escaped as
slave to Canada IN 1912, where he still
resides.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

CAUeHr.-In a mill, at Milton, Pa,
on the Susquehanna river, Sawyer Has
Ter saw a fish in hollow, water-soaked
log, just as it was being pushed to the
saw. Eight large bass were found in
and taken from the log.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18
Slaves of the Neutrality-suspicious..

Backache, aching sides and kidneys, sore
muscles, stitches, crick are removed by the
Hop Plaster.
The reign of sense in medicine is shown by
the popularity of Hop Porous PldSters for
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18
Within an ace of 1.-THE king.

Premature decline of manly pow
ers nervous debility and kindred diseases,
radically cured. Consultation free. Book 10
cents in stamps. Address, confde TALLY,
Worlds Dispensary Medical Association,
PuHalo
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

NEVER borrow trouble The interest
you have to pay for the accommodation
is excessive
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

IT is some satisfaction to argue with
the man who ows grab mortgage on
your homestead. He is always ready
to accent YOUR premises.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

husbands take the hint. Your wife or your
children are liable to take colds from drafts.
Keep on hand Aliens Lung Balsam, the best
and purest remedy for coughs and colds. 1t
contains no opium, and is harmless. Price,
25c., Soc. and 81 per bottle, at Druggists.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

Vim. Black, Abingdon, Iowa, was cured OF
cancer of the eye by DR.. Jones' Red Clover
Tonic, which cures all blood disorders and dis
eases of the stomach, liver and kidneys. The
best tonic and appetizer known. 90 cents.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

The purest, sweetest ana best Cod Liver on
In the world, manufactured from fresh, healthy
Hvers, upon the seashore. 1t is absolutely pure
and sweet. Patients who have once taken il
prefer it to all others. Physicians have de-
cided it superior to any of the other oils in
market Made by Casweu, Hazard 81 Co., New
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

The most desirable hair dressing ever offered
to the public is Halls Hair Remover.
Physicians prescribe Aver Cherry Pectoral,
on account of its great curative powers.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

CHAPPED HANDS, face, pimples and rough
skin cured by using Juniper Tar Soap, made BY
Caswell, Hazard & Co.. New York.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18
THE MYSTERIES OF A DAY.
STRANGE. CURIOUS AND STARTLING
THINGS OCCURRING ABOUT Us.

The Jack Pot-A Story of Cruelty-A
Strong lIan-Curious Story from Nor
way-Two Hairy ChiIdr en-The Depth
of the Ocean, ETC., Etc.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

They are trying in Germany to find a sub
stitute for India rubber. No one who has used
DR.. Bigelow's Positive Cure desires a sub
stitute, as it is eminently successful in coughs,
colds and all throat and lung diseases
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

Mrs. General Sheridan is very punctilious
ABOUT returning calls. She davotes N portion
each day TO this purpose.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18
The Secret of Living.

BRONCHITIS is cureo by frequent small
doses of Piso's Cure for Consumption.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

COME to stay-Your poor relation $.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18
Flowers That Bloom,

In the spring will be here before you know it. and
you should be prepared to enjoy the most delightful
season Of the year To escape the depressing debi-
tating effects of the changing you should
purify your blood, and keep up good appetite and
good digestion by taking Hoods Sarsaparilla. A
single dollar for this reliable medicine now may
save you good deal of money later in the year.
Take 1t now.
when I bought Hoods Sarsaparilla made a
good investment of one dollar in medicine for the
first time 1t has driven of rheumatism and i'm
proved my appetite so much that my boarding mis-
tress says must keep 1t locked up or she will be
obliged to raise my board with every other boarder
that takes Hoods SarsapariIla. THOMAS BURREIL,
90 Hillary Street, Brooklyn, N. Y
Hoods Sarsaparila a God send to me, for it
cured me of dyspepsia and liver complaint with
which 1 had suffered 20 years.. h. HoRNBEcK,
South Fallshnrp Y
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

A GERMAN CoUNT-Eips, zwei, Drei,
etc.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18

Hoods SarsapariIIa
Sold by all druggists 81; six for a5. Prepared
BY O. !. HOOD co., Apothecaries. Lowell. @ass,
LOO Doses One Dollar
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-11-17
A Knowing Horse.

While several Kingston men were
conversing the other night regarding
the intelligence of animals, one man
said he owned a mule once that when
blowing recognized the sound of the
dinner horn. 1t would distinguish a
particular horn from all the other horns
in the neighborhood. Whenever it
heard that horn it would Immediately
raise its voice and commence to bray.
Another man said that once upon a
time he owned horse on farm. and
that horse, too, became well acquainted
with the sound of the dinner horn, and
in blowing corn, or doing any other
work of that kind, the driver would be
forced to stop, unhitch, and take the
horse to dinner, for the animal would
refuse to pillow any longer No matter
how well the horse worked, making a
Decline across the fields in running the
pillow, its course would be for the gate
the moment it heard the horn. "Now,
didn't that horse think? And didn't
he reason with himself 'that means
dinner?' "-KingSton Freeman,
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-11-17
A New Trick.

=" Saw new trick out in Iowa the
other day." said travelling man.
was stopping at little station on the
Northwestern, and the hotel was close
to the railroad track. The through
passenger trains don't stop there. In
the party sitting outside after dinner
was man who had fine gold watch,
with case of extraordinary weight.
He said it was the heaviest watch case
made, and the strongest. There is a
funny thing about this watch of NINE
he said; it is so strong that | can put 1T
on the railroad track and let train run
over it and it will not be damaged in
the least Right on the rail?' queried
one of the party. Yes, I'll place it
right on the top of the rails, where the
wheels run, and it won't be hurt par
tcle.' Bet you the cigars you dassent
do it, The proposition was promptly
accepted, and the whole crowd present
included in the payment of the wager,
no matter who lost. In few minutes
a train was seen approaching, when the
owner of the watch went out to the
track, put his time piece on the rail,
and then walked back to the hotel
porch and resumed his chair as cool as
a cucumber. The train came thunder
ing on, and the crowd got excited.
They stood with open mouths, and
thinking what shame it was that an
internal fool should put such a fine
watch on the rails to be smashed into
smithereens. When the locomotive
struck the spot where the watch had
been placed the crowd groaned and
fancied they could see bits of gold
flying along with the dust. But the
owner of the watch sat quietly smoking
his cigar, and, as soon as the long train
had passed, he walked out, reached
down and picked his watch up from the
side of the rail, as perfect as if it had
been in his pocket all the time. You
see,' he said, as we all lighted fresh
cigars at the other fellows expense,
there is no danger in this trick pro-
viding you place your watch near the
edge of the rail, where the wheels have
worn the face smooth, and so that the
slightest disturbance will cause it to
slide off inside the rail. The watch
case is oval, and that leaves an opening
for the air to get under. If the jar
of the rail did not cause the watch
to fall off the pressure of the air from
the approaching train surely would. L
have performed that little trick hun
dreds of times and never met with an
accident. One day a fresh travelling
man from St. Louis saw me do it, and
he at once declared that that was moth
ing-anybody could do that So he
went out in front of another train and
put his watch on the rail. After the
train had passed he found his watch
about forty rods up the track. 1t was
about as big as a saucer and as thin as
a piece of light cardboard. He had
made the fatal mistake of putting the
watch near the end of a rail and so nicely
balanced upon the top of the rail that il
didn't fall off. This trick is just like
any other-you want to know how to dc
it."-Chicago Herald.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-11-17
A JOcular Cow.

DIR. Laffingwell, of Laffingwelltown
has remarkable COW. In appearance she
is like all the rest of his herd, red ami
NAL of medium size, with crooked horns,
and she is fairly good mixer. g To
look at her," says the doctor, you
would never imagine she was such
critter as she is, but she has pair of
deep, dim, mysterious eyes, and she
with in a COW. don't quite get on to
her character myself, and I've seen
good deal of her, especially in the last
few weeks" The doctors cow is prac-
tical joker of the most incorrigible kind.
She is continually putting up jokes and
the doctor always loses by them. Her
plain, ordinary every day pranks are
opening stable doors, letting the hens
into the garden patch, tipping over bar
rels and taking down bars and stone
walls. She does these things in sys-
tematic, business-like way that her
owner has become used to, but now
and then a subtly mysterious, facetious
look comes into her face, and the tricks
she plays at such times bother the doc
tor so he cannot sleep at night. The
COW is on very familiar footing with
the family and if house door is left
open she is apt to walk into the house
and take professional interest in the
housekeeping, poking her nose into the
pantry and inquistively prodding the
furniture with her horns. A day or
two ago she stroled into the kitchen
while the family were in another part
OF the house and when she went out she
took along silver teaspoon as souv-
enir of the visit, which she subse-
quently hid under an old pair of trousers
that had been thrown into a lot long
distance from the house. The doctor
is sure that the COW took the spoon, be-
cause member of the family saw her
leave the house, and afterward she was
seen meddling with the trousers. Her
latest performance was to set the wash
house on fire, and she did it without
much difficulty and with no apparent
feeling. In prowling about the build
ing on last Sunday the cow found a
basket of shavings on the wash-house
floor, and near by, on beam, some
matches, and DR.. Leffinwell thinks that,
in trying to secrete the matches in the
shavings so that she could have some
fun with him when he should come
after the matches and stamp and swear
in dispensary Latin, she accidentally
stepped on a match, aud the shavings
were kindled. He is 10th to accuse her
of intentional incendiarism. 1t was
necessary for the neighbors to come
and help extinguish the flames, which
destroyed a new harness that the
owner had purchased for SAC. While
the flames were raging the COW looked
on with seeming Indifference, but her
owner, who is able to recognize the
delicate traits in her disposition, is GER
tain that there was look of disappoint-
ment in her peculiar eyes. Since the
wash-house fire the COW has done nc
notable thing, because the doctor has
tied her to a crowbar set in his front
yard, where he can study her, but he is
curious to know what she is going tC
do with the crowbar after she has had
time to think. -Omdhd Republican.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-11-17

Yards, and hos racin, and SIGH, savin
peny by peny til he has ground enough
out of The world to hev shop NV his
own, and employ other men to slave
fur him, and thus go on akumulatin til
he owns things. Such men are monop-
olists, and the enemies of labor, and
grinders. | hold that the possession of
a ten dollar bill makes monopolist, and
al SIGH shood be crushed, Ez havin a
ten dollar bill makes man monopolist,
his monopolism increases jist in pro-
porshen to the ten dollar bills he hez.
The owner of factory is enemy to
the human race, and ez for the man
who bids railroad, he
"Is monster NV such hidgus meen,
That to be hated needs but to be seen"
NV hatred of railroad managers is
intens. 1t commenst with the first
time l wuz dropped off the hind platform
NV trane for not payin fare, and hez
increst with every repetishun NV the
ofense, which generally happens every
time / want to go anywhere. l lothe
the ralerode monopolist. A grindin
monopolist is any man witch has any
thing. Whenever man hez saved
anything, he becomes capitalist, and
ez capitalists are dangerous to labor,
he should be made to divide it up so
ez to be on an equality with them witch
never saved nothing. The mechanic
or workingman wich saves so ez to own
house or farm, becomes a capitalist,
and consistently grindin monopolist,
and ez accumolashens are dangerous to
labor, wat he hez shud be confiskated
and divided up among us wich hezn't
anything. Property is crime. | amt
jst shoor that hev got the socialistic
doctrine down fine enuff, but | think
these defnishuns will do, espeshly
when you howl EN- under red flag to
luvers NV humanity witch is chuck full
of stale beer.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-11-17
Curious Signs in New York.


One may see in the shop windows of
Fourth avenue confectioner " Pies
Open All Night" An undertaken
in the same thoroughfare advertises,
Everything Requisite for First-class
Funeral" A Bowery placard reads:
" Homemade Dining Rooms, Family
Oysters" A West Broadway reStau-
rdte,W sells " Homemade Pies, Pastry
and Oysters" A Third avenue dive :"
offers for sale "Coffee and Cakes off the
Griddle," and an East Broadway ca
terer retails " Fresh Salt Oysters and
Lager Beer" A Fulton street tobac-
conist calls himself "Speculator in
Smoke" and a purveyor of summer
drinks has invented a new draught,
which he calls by the coliky name of
" Eolian Spray" A Sixth avenue bar
Der hangs out sign reading SHOOTS
Polished Inside" "Cloth Cult and
Basted is the cabalistic legend on the
front of millinery shop on Spring
street; on another street the following
catches the eye: a" Washin Ironin and
Coin Out by the Day Done Here"
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1886-11-17
The First Sewing. Machine.

A correspondent of the New York
Evening Post says:-"Somewhere near
Duane street, on Broadway, where
modern progress has as yet made little
change in the buildings, the first sewing
machine was exhibited. A young girl
used to sit in the window and work the
rather primitive machinery, and she
actually seemed to sew Everybody
watched the process with interest, but
all regarded it as toy and impractical
BILE for household use. The ladies set
their faces resolutely against it. They
would have nothing but handmade
goods. Philanthropy argued at all our
tables, as remember, that the machine
would take the bread out of the mouths
of the working women. So the pretty
girl kept the pedals going in the win
dow, month in and month out, and
Wall street was not sharp enough to
see that there was fortune in the
toy We all gave it up as an impossi-
bility. 1t might be made to sew ruffle
yes, no doubt this had been done
but to argue that it could make suit of
clothes or do the sewing for the house
hold was nonsense"