The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-09-30
WIT AND HUMOR.
Representatives Cobb and Laird

graph.
Miss Braddon is writing a tale en-
titled Engaged in Haste" II is prob
ably satire on the messenger boys
Life.
There is place in Pennsylvania
called Economy" 1t is probably
snmmer-resort for editors. HaUee
.NesOs.
.'Garmen3s without buttons" are ad-
vertised. We've got 'em, and so has
every other bachelor--New Ha0en
NesOs.
There are 1,O27 women over 100 years
of age in Paris; at least there are that
number of women in the ballet OF the
grand opera.-Nea0 Hauen Neaos.
When it comes to discussing money
ed men a newspaper man depends
entirely upon his Imagination and does
beautiful work.-Minneapoli Tribune
The.Sphinx was a woman. or at least
q creature with the body of lion and
the head of a woman. That solves the
mystery and all is clear-she is jealous
ly hiding the secret of her age.-4eras
Sytings.
The female bather at Newport goes
right out of the water and reports to
Mrs. Howe the moment she sees some
one in the water who does not belong
to her set, or who has not been intro
duced.-Neso Orleans Picayune.
.Were you at the sociable last nights"
..Yes, and spent very pleasant even
ing" Il heard Miss x was to sing
there. / suppose you enjoyed that?"
Ever so much She had sore throat
and couldn't sing" - Philadelphia
Call
Yes" said Featherly, ''if my grand
father were alive he would be 1O3 years
old TODAY" You don't say So" ex-
claimed Dumley. very much impressed.
lone hundred and three years old! 1t
doesn't seem possible. ."-NeaO York
Times.
Overheard in a street-car: 81 tried to
kiss my wife at the front door tonight
as | was leaving home. and, do you
know, she wouldn't let me. She said
she didn't want the neighbors to be tax
ing her for the hired girlr
ETpress.
Prof. Dryasdnst-Have you read my
essay? Noted Scientist-Yes, and with
much profit .'You understood it.
then?'' 20, easilv" well, well.
did hope it would not be such failure
as that | intended it for the Con
cord School of Philosophy. Omaha
World.
DIR. Gimlet returns empty-handed from
days hunting. and in response to his
wife's inquiries candidly confesses that
he killed nothing. Why" retorts Mrs.
G., slowly, ..you could have done bet
ter than that had you staid at home and
attended to your regular business. v
LoUeH Citizen.
.What is that big iron thing full OF
holesP" asked Laura. Locomotive
thoughtful After moments silence
she asked: .Why do they boil loco
motivesP" Tom looked amazed. "To
make 'em tender" he answered slowly.
BUrdette.
Black-"Come and take a drink,
White" White-'No, guess not I'm
not drinking anything now" B.-"O
come along" W.-'.Ail right" They &C
and take drink, after which White
observes: well, seeing as you've in.
vited me. guess I'll take another
Boston Courier.
Druggist-Well my little man, what
can l do for you? Boy want 1C
cents worth of cochineal and cents
worth of hayseed. Druggist-What dc
you want cochineal and hayseed tori
Boy-Me mudder is maxim some straw
berry ice-cream for the church picnic
NeaO York Times.
Captam-Sergt. Jones reports that
h a. l., ,irh "a
excuse have you this time? Private
Well. captain, l saw fellows from all
the commands whooping her up at
the suffers and not wishing them to
think our company was anything mean,
went in for esprit de corps. y Loa0eti
Citizen.
A ponderous old man, who occupied
the entire seat in a car on the George
town branch, snapped out to boy in
front of him, why don't you get up
and give that lady a seat?" "Whv
don't you get up yourself and give her
two?" was the reply. But the old par.
y didn't get up, all the same. Vatlea
Visitor.
''You sit on your horse like butch
er," said pert young officer, who hap
pened to be of royal blood, to veteran
general who was somewhat bent from
age. ''It is highly probable" respond
ed the old warrior, with a grim smile
'It is because all my life I've been lead
ing calves to the slaughter. ''-Fhegen'
de Btaetter.
Guibollard's son was engaged to be
married, but he was terribly afraid OF
matrimony. His father, indignant al
such unmanly feelings: Look here,
my son. am not married?" ..Y-e-e-s
papa. but you see it isn't the SESAME
thing, y-o-o-o-u see. You m-m-m-arried
mamma, while l shall have to m-m-m.
AIRY a-a-a-stranger.- Fam.
Life-insurance agent Ito applicant)- =
81 see our physician has pronounced
perfectly safe risk. Applicant-.Yes Yes
is your business?" Applicant-"rm a
but shall have to decline such risk
The company won't have it"-New
York Sun.
A correspondent says that when Mas
sood Mira, the Persian heir, is talking
to a person he generally shuts his left
eye. If his Highness were to visit this
country, ana stop In several drug stores
during an afternoon for plain. every
day. untrimmed soda water. his legs
would soon become so demoralized that
he would be unable to convey them
back to his hotel without assistance
NorristotOn Herald.
by an unfortunate typographical er-
ror." explains the contrite editor of a
Dakota paper, I've were made to say
last week that our distinguished towns
man, Prof. Kennedy, was about to rig
up nobby babboon for the comfort
and enjoyment of his daughter on her
wedding trip over the prairies What
we meant to say was a nobby balloon.
We write this with our left hand, while
lying on our spare bed. with one eye
entirely closed and the other hand
painted. and an inverted chair across
our stomach for writing table. The
extent of our regret for the blunder may
be measured by the difficulties we have
surmounted in penning this explana-
ton"
A Washington clerk is authority for
the following story: Gov. Thompson,
the new assistant secretary, who sue
ceeded William E. Smith in that posi-
ton, has been tormented by large