The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1886-04-30
VOL. XXXI----NO. Is
VARIETIES.

The world is full of change. A good
many people wish they could say the same
of their pockets.
How can ever pay you?"
"Don't try"
Don't try?"
mo, if you really wish to do me favor"
81 don't understand"
$50 long as l know you never can pay up
you will be valuable to me in another way.
Whenever bill is presented to me that can
not conveniently meet will say that have
money due me that must be collected before
| can pay my creditors. Do you see?"
Eyes; and as special favor | give you my
word and honor will never pay u."-HaT-
| per'S Bazar.
"A rapid recital of the following sentence
| is said 10 be certain cure for lisping Hobbs
meets Snobbs and Nobbs; Hobbs hobs to
| Snobbs and hobbs Hobbs nobs with Snobbs
and robs Nobbs' fob. This is" says Nobbs
"the worst ofHobbs' jobs" and Snobbs sobs
The Irish patriots should not be discour-
aged. Married men have struggled for home
rule for 90 centuries and have not yet sue
ceeded in getting it.
-"All is over between George and myself"
said Clara" as she sank YEARLY into chair;
VI cannot trust my future happiness to such
man. must write to him to-day that we
must part" "What is the trouble?" II met
him in the street and he wore earmuffs."
"A few days ago two men were in Smiths
barber-shop. One had red hair and the other
was baldheaded Red hair to baldhead "You
were not around when they were giving out
hair ?" Badhead: "Yes, was there; but
they only had little red hair left and |
wouldn't take it,"
Never have too much to say. A sailor
just arrived from China offered boxful of
carved ivory and ebony articles for sale to
curiosity dealer. Eyes, they will do; I'll
give you louis for the lot" says the dealer.
"a louis !" exclaimed the overjoyed tar,"why,
then am rich man? I've got six thousand
of them" "Oh, no that's a different affair,
then" said the dealer. "If you have brought
sous for them" Exit disappointed tar.
speaking of the difficulty foreigners ex.
perience in giving the proper accent to Eng
lisb, said Captain Boslum, reminds me that
when | first came hither could not speak
English, yet you cannot detect in my CONVEX
saton any foreign accent"
ITO acquire such perfection must have
taken time" replied lady.
"Oh, yes; it required years"
"Must have been young when you came to
this place.
Eyes, 1 was very young In fact, I was
born here"
-Bridget-"Phat did the doctor say was
the matter wild yez, Pat? ?"
Pat-"Faith and he sed me constitution
was run down and mustn't drink irrun for
me blood"
Bridget-"Irrun for yer blood And how
can you drink irrun?"
Pat-"By melting it, to be sure"
Bridget-"But ye can't dhrink melted hot
irrun, we fool"
Pat-"Indade, don't know that l can't
4 l,,,,, ..
cools?"
Pat, what time is tt" "Oi don't know,
Mike, but let's guess at it; and thin, begorra,
the man who comes the furtherest off can 90
to the kitchen and look"
"A lady of charitable disposition asked a
tramp if she could not assist him by mending
his clothes ?" Eyes, madam" he said, II have
a button, and if you will sew shirt on it /
will be greatly obliged"
Mrs. Jones' if she has any doubts about
her husband being tipsy, gets him to say
1.-THE scenery is truly rural :" and if he says,
"trural rury," or "tooral looral" she knows
he is intoxicated
"A clear head and clean heart enables
one to preserve his serenity, as did iona.
than Davenport, who won n name in Ameri-
can history by it, on the Dark Day of the
last century, when some of his felow-legis.
lators, in terror, proposed to adjourn, but the
sturdy Christian, with admirable admixture
of common sense and religion, said EITHER
the day of judgment has come or it has not.
If it has not there is no occasion for alarm
If it has, | wish to be found doing my duty.
move that candles be brought" Keepa
clear head and clean heart and keep-cool.
"A goose farm is one of the curosities of
agriculture on the eastern shore ofVirginia
Within an area of about 1900 acres live 5 900
geese, ofseveral varieties, attended by herders
and regularly fed with corn, etc. The object
is the collecting of down for quilts and pillows,
and once in about six weeks plucking
takes place. Only the breast and the
sides under the wings are plucked, and it
requires the yield of nearly 100 geese to
wegha pound. The raw feathers are sent
tn philadelnhia for CLEANING and eort;pr