Morning journal and courier., 1886-04-23
TOLD.

l How to tell gentleman: Go right up tc him and speak out.-Philadelphia Call. | Some one says the bicycle season is back l ward. We have good authority for saying 1 that the bicycle fall is usually forward Philadelphia Item.
 A writer asserts, ''No man can master the whole range of human knowledge" Let him wait until commencement season at the colleges and he will be undeceived. Transcript.
 An Illinois editor defines philanthropist as jealous person bent on doing the great est possible good to the greatest possible number with the greatest possible amount of other peoples moRey.-Boston Post.
 Nothing angers the small boy more than to run with all his might for quarter of a mile after express wagon and then as he catches on behind to have the wagon turn abruptly down side street where the small boy doesn't want to go.-somerville Jeur- nal.
 your dear little boy would like to drink a glass of milk?' Dear little boy, oblivious to the maternal pinch-''Not much! Pa said last night that we'd see your COW first. He said that you looked like some kind of a darned compound yourself. San Francisco News Letter.
 Employer-I am very suspicious of young
 
 are going to turn out. Why, in six months they know S good deal more about your business than you do yourself, and want to run it all Applicant for position-I ean-as- sure you sir that if you will engage me will devote as little time possible to your business.-Tidbits.
 A news item in an exchange is headed: ssEloping with her Fathers Best Mule. :" This is new departure in the way of elope- ments; but no doubt she will be happier than if she had run away with her fathers coach man. She can sell mule when she tires of him; and if the worst comes to the worst, both can go on the stage and become "stars" in an ''Uncle Toms Cabin" company Norristown Herald.
 .Wha'd I tell yes''sniffed Uncle Abel Bim- ley, one of the pizenest Republicans the Corners ever new. Told ye Cleveland an his crowd wasn't fit to run the country, didn't F I've been readin' the papers pretty sharp the past year, an a1l's Tve seen is fourth-class postmaste appointed. Didn't use to be so with us. We he'd fust-class men or nothin'. tell ye the Democrats ain't fit." And the old man shook his head sagely.- Rockland (Me.) Courier-Gazette.
 THE MIGHTY WEAPON.
 One day boycott strolled into the tool house and sat down for chat. The ham mer and saw, a begging awl and trowel and other honest tools took advantage of the entrance of boy looking for something he had no business to take, to move little far ther away "Why do you avoid me?' asked the boycott "Am not friend of labori Am I not its mightiest weapons Am I not your common defender!' "Ex- cuse us,'' replied an old sledge, who was sev- en up in the civil service lists. "but you don't seem to be one of us. There is mell of Russian prison about you, stifing taint of German oppression, stench of English repression, and g foul odor of Hungarian pauperism, general decayed flavor of igno- rance and brutality. and a senseless ferocity that we don't like. We know it isn't your fault :; it was born of tyranny and helplessness, but it isn't American, and it isn't pleasant. You have foreign air about you that makes the room close and offensive Go out and wade around and hunt for the Oregon for about six months, and you'll come back as clean as a Chinaman. Go soak yourself, boycott your self, and see how glad we'll be to welcome you into the shop" This fable teaches us to remember that no civilized Christian man ever yet learned to throw the boomerang with danger to his enemy or safety to him. self.-Burdette.