Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-03-25

on the smooth hearthstone the last
will and testament Of the diving msn.
The farmer subsequently died. The
hearthStone will was sent to the
registry in London with special affida-
Wit, and was duly proved, the will be-
ing deposited in the archives of the
registry. May mention that the law
does not state upon what substance or
with what instrument q will must be
written.
There was once plain, outspoken
judge who, addressing the jury said
Gentlemen of the jury, in this case
the counsel on both sides are unintel-
Hglble; the witnesses on both sides
are incredible. and the plaintiff and
defendant are both such bad charac-
tiers that to me it is Indifferent which
way you give your verdict"
1t was once reported to the motor
Gus Judge Jeffries that the prince of
Orange was on the point of of enter
ing into the coantry, and that he was
already preparing manifesto as to
his inducements and objects in so do
ing: pray, my lord chief justice. "
SAID a gentleman present, ''what do
you think will be the heads of this
manlfesto2" mine will be one" he
grimly replied.
An undoubted abb was some time
ago successfully proved in an Ameri-
can court as follows:
And you say you are innocent of
the charge of stealing this rooster
from Mr. Jones2" queried the Judge.
You are confident you did not
steal the rooster from Mr.. Jones?"
Yes, sir; and can prove it."
How can you prove it?'
Il can prove that didn't steal Mr..
Jones rooster, judge, because I stole
two hens, from Mr., Graston the same
night, and Jones lives i've miles from
Graston's.
THE proof is conclusive" said the
Judge; discharge the prisoner"
1t is said that the other day a client
received the following bill from his
lawyer: Attending and asking how
you did, IS Sd, attending you on the
pier, when you desired me to look
through a piece of smokad glass, 6s.
Sd; rubbing my eye, which watered,
lbs. 3d.. attending at luncheon, when
you praised the sandwiches and ask
ed me to partake thereof, IS. Sd. con-
sultlng and asking my opinion there
on, when I said they were very good.
is. 3d." Most probably the client
treated this as joke, or perhaps it
drove him to extremities.
Gentlemen of the jury" said a
counsel in suit about herd of hogs,
there, were just thirty-six hogs in
that drove; please to remember that
fact-thirty-six hogs; just exactly
three times as many as there are IN
the jury-box, gentlemen. We are
informed that the counsel did not
win his case. The jury were not Sc
pig headed.
''Gentlemen of the jury" said an
Irish barrister, cit will be for YOU tc
say whether this defendant shall be
allowed to come into court with I'm.
blushing footsteps, with the cloak OF
hypocrisy IN his mouth, and draw
three bullocks out of my clients
pockets with immunity"
We have heard of several cases of
female ingenuity in aiding the escape
of prisoners. Here is one. The Grim
inals were bandcuffeG, and with their
escort were awaiting the train which
would convey them to the county
jail. Suddenly woman rushed
through the crowd of spectators with
a shower of tears and cried out: kiss
noe gooa-by, Ned" The escort good
naturally allowed the process of os-
culation to be performed. and the
sheriff smiled feeliagly. The woman
passed a key from her own to the
prisoners mouth, with which he un-
did the bracelets" and escaped while
the train was in motion.
There is a girl who seems to have
peculiar notions of breach-of- promise
cases, tor she threatens to sue her
own father for breach-of-
She explains that the old gentleman
first gave his consent TO her marriage
with her lover and then withdrew it,
and that ia consequence her beau got
tired of waiting and has gone off with
another girl.
Prisoner at the bar, said the judge
to a man on his trial for murder, sis
there anything you wish to say before
sentence is passed upon you'"
Judge" replied the prisoner,
"there has been altogether too much
said already. knew all along some
body would get hurt if these people
didn't keep their mouths shut. It
might as well be me, perhaps, as any
body else. Drive on, judge, and give
me as little sentiment AS you can get
along on. I can stand hanging but I
hate gush."