Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-12-12
BILL NYE ON HOTELS.
He Describes His Experiences at an
Imitation Hostelry.
From the CAicnJo Tr16une

From the ChicdJo Tribune
We are moving about over the country,
James Whitcomb Riley and |, in the ca
pacity OF moral and spectacular show /.
| attend to the spectacular part OF the
business. That is more in my line.
| am writing this at an imitation hotel
where two roads fork. | will call 1t the
Fifth Avenue Hotel, because the hotel at
railroad junction Is generally called the
Fifth Avenue, or the Gem City House, or
the Palace Hotel. ] stopped NJ an inn
some years ago called the Palace, and
can truly say that If il had ever been Il
palace it was very much run down when
| visited il.
just as a fond parent of whlte-eyed,
two-legged freak OF nature loves to name
his mentally diluted son Napoleon, and
for the same reason that prominent
horse owner in Illinois last year s0cked
my name on tall, buckskin colored colt
that did not resemble me, intellectually
| or physically, colt that did not know
enough to go around n barbed wire fence,
but sought TO sift himself through it into
an untimely grave, so this man has named
his sway-backed wigwam the Fifth Az
enue Hotel.
1t is different from the Fifth Avenue in
not so much travel and business in its
neighbOrhood. AS eaid before, this is
where two railroads fork. In fact, that is
the leading industry here. The growth OF
the town is naturally slow, but it is y
healthy growth. There ia nothing In the
nature of dangerous or wild cat specula-
ton In the advancement Of this place
and while there has been no noticeable or
rapid advance in the principal business,
hn fali ~ e "A
these roads are forkinI as much to-day as
they did before the war, while the same
| three men who were present for the first
| glad moment are still here TO witness its
| operation.
Sometimes train is deraied, as the
| papers call il, and two or three people
have TO remain over, as we did, all night.
IL is at such time that the Fifth Avenue
Hotter is the scene of great excitement.
! A large Goldfish, with broad and sunny
smile and his bosom full of rock salt, Is
tied in the creek to freshen and ft himself
for the responsible position OF floor man.
ager of the Goldfish ball.
a pale chambermaid, wearing a black
jersey with large pores in 1t through
which she is percolating, now goes JOY
| ously up the stairs to make the little post
| Office lock-boX rooms look ten times worse
| than they ever did before. She MARBLES a
| low refrain as she nimbly knocks loose
the venerable dust of centuries and sets 1t
atioat thrOu hout the room. All is hustle
| about the house.
Especially the chambermaid.
We were put in the guests chamber
here. 1t has two atrophIed beds made up
of pains and counterpanes.
This last remark conveys to the reader
the presence OF light, Joyous feeling,
which is wholly assumed on my part.
The door OF our room is full OF holes
where locks have been wrenched off in
order to let the Coroner In. Last night
| could imagine that | was in the act OF
who have tried to sleep here, and who
mOaned through the night and died while
| waiting for the dawn.
| L have no doubt in the world but there
is quite gO0d-sized delegation from this
| hotel OF guests who hesitated about com
hitting suicide because they feared 70
| tread the red-hOt sidewalks Of perditlon,
but who became desperate at last and re-
! solved to take their chances, and never
| had any cause TO regret it.
We washed our hands on door-knoh
soap, wiped them on slippery elm court
| plaster that had made quite reputation
| for itself under the nom de plume OF
| "TOwel," tried to warm ourselves at a
| pocket inkstand stove that gave out heat
| like a dark lantern and had deiormed
| elbow at the back of it.
| The chambermaid is very versatile,
and waits on the table while not engaged
in agitating the Overworked mattresses
| and puny pillows up stairs. In this way
| she imparts the odor of tried pork TO the
| pillow cases and kerosene to the pie.
! Still, she is sociable at times and con.
| verses freely with me AT the table, and she
leans over my shoulder, pensively brush
ing the crumbs into my lap with a gene
raj utility towel, which accompanies her
in her various rambles through the
house, and she asks which we would
rather have-"tea or eggsY
This afternoon we will pay our bill, in
accordance with lifelong custom oil
ours, and 20 away to permeate the busy
| hAunts of men.