New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-02-24
The Brag Farmer.

would not change his farm for the.
whole Russian Empire.
He can do more work in shorter
period of time than any man living.
He can lift more, walk further, and is
getting rich faster than anybody he
is acquainted with; while there are very
few things that he will admit of being
ignorant of. He belongs to the
worlds incorrigibles, whom there is
no convincing.
He walked into the country post
Office, where he was always sure OF an
appreciative and attentive audience,
threw his dirty mittens underneath
the red hot stove, turned his back to
it, and began:
Mighty cold weather we're a havin'
now! My THERMOMETERS was down to
twenty -four, last night
AS no one could come within six de.
grees of such extreme cold, not q sound
was heard-except one disbelieving
cough that was half strangled.
Buffers coming up he said at
length. 'sGot twenty-five cents for
what I sold yesterday. But mine was
extra, you know. I've got the name
of making the best butter in this ere
county, and it always brings the high
est figure. Made three hundred and
twenty pound to the COW this year, land
I'm bound to do better than that,
next And I've some OF the best cows
there is in this section, everybody
says. There amt one farmer in
dozen that knows a good cow, any
way; and then they don't know how
to feed, for profit.
~ suppose get more off from my
seventy acre farm than most farmers
do from a hundred and twenty acres;
and it's. just cause I know how to
manage.
CHOW, when I bought that farm l
hadn't but leetle to pay down. But
I've worked clear o. debt, got one O.
the best houses and biggest barn in this
town, and am getting along jest boss.
But tell we, I've got one o the
smartest women for wife. She can
cook a. splendid meal o. vittles, and do
a big washin', ana don't get any
outlandish notions in her head, like
some women.
"Children all take after me, though
They jist push right ahead and
think they are as good as anybody.
l calculate to do well by 'em too.
Whoever marries my girls will get
something besides plated spoons and
photograph albums. And the boys
amt going to be left by anybody.
Toms colt can leave anything on the
road, now, and he's only a four-year
old; while Jake can saw and put up
his four cords ofwood alone, any day.
He's got the best saw could find
here a-bouts. Tell yewhat it is, boys,
it don't pay to buy cheap tools to
A boy came in for his fathers mail.
He had basket of eggs that had cost
two cents and a-half apiece.
"What little eyes, said the brag
farmer. "My hens lay eggs twice as
large as them: Got the finest lot Of
fowls you ever see. They're halt Ply
mouth Rock. We just have loads of
eggs, and the woman sold forty dol
lars worth last year-tell we there's a
big profit on poultry. Ye want to
raise early chickens and sell EN- as
soon as they re large enough for brill
ers. Then, through warm weather,
pack down your eggs and keep 'em
till Christmas and We can sell little
eggs for a whopping big price"
'tKilled your hogs?" some one asked
in order to have a change Of subject.
"Why, yes! Hadn't you heard how
much they weighed? Biggest pigs ever
fatted in this community spring pigs
and they averaged $50 pounds.
"Say, did you ever hear of Ananias?"
asked a meek looking man with many
patches on his clothes and an equal
number of blotches on his face.
eyes, OF course Name is familiar.
Seems to me he used to keep our school
when I was boy"
shouldn't be surprised" was the
reply. Guess you always passed ex-
animation, didn't yep
"Of course! always stood head of
the GLASS;" was the confident reply.
Smiles Threatened to become ex-
plosive, when the boy with the eggs
piped out:
':Didn't We know that Ananias was
liar that lived more'n eighteen hun
dred years ago?'
"N--o?" exclaimed the farmer, hest
tatingly. "Well, bygoll, hecould have
descendants, couldn't he?" as he
picked up his scorched mittens and
made rush for the door, to get aride
home.
<"Tell you what it is, boys, there's
such a thing as being too well satisfied
with ones self and ones possessions,
isn't there?"
..should say so,' was the reply.
"But he didn't tell it all. He might
have said he was the biggest fool in
town.
'He'd lied i'll he had said the
small boy "There's two or three
bigger'n he, and -
s"That will do, sonny. You had
better go home with your little eggs,
said another.
"All right! And that makes me
think OF what Mrs. Ware said when
came along past your house. She
wants you TO come straight home and
dig some wood out of the snow and