Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1886-10-15
BILL NYE's UMBRELLA.
he Tries to Identify Himself and Turns
Out to BE Somebody Else.

~ AaOhSAAy nAAlHCLA Ahu AuELo
Out to Be Somebody Else.
Last, week in company with my family
and about $1,000 other people, l paid a visit
to the great industrial exposition at Min
neapnliS
1t is a great triumph of mind over matter.
There, on the east bank of the great parent
of waters, by which term / would imply the
Mississippi river, and near to and overlook
ing Col. ST Anthony's justly celebrated falls,
stands a building costing s250,OO0, full of the
products of every cline, and all prepared in
eighty-thTee days. 1t filed me with wonder,
as it nus any one who views it thoughtfully
and from a purely bipartisan point of view.
Less than three months ago, where the
morning sun rose reluctantly over the elms of
the east side and looked down upon several
acres Of unimproved real estate, and a broad
sweep OF wet saw logs, fiecked with cream
colored boys wearing nothing but IN air Of
defiance for the police, now a magnificent
building faces the turbulent tide, and people
from the four quarters of the globe jostle
each other to the weird music of the Mexican
band, while ever and anon a large and ex-
penSive fountain is dreamily squirting its
rhythmic squirt
Everywhere science and art are visible.
Here in the new west, where Minnie Haha
but a few f~leeting years ago strained maple
strip through a pillow sham, the paleface
wanders through acres of beautiful and use
full articles, the offspring, l may say, Of tire
less hands and thrObbing brains all over the
universe.
Here where the warrior wooed his mahOg-
any mate, and the papoOSe seemed indigenous
to the soil, people from Farther India and
Erin Prairie, Wis, come to listen to the pas
sionate notes of the Mexican band and stab
their umbrellas into the old masters.
a large policeman at the door of the art
gallery, in harsh tones, requested me to de-
pOsit my umbrella with a young woman. l
did it, for | respect n policeman wherever |
meet him. Some of them are strangers to
me, but they are generally men whose adj
vice it is we'll to heed. Had it not been for
these men | do not know where | would have
been to-day-thouSands of miles from here,
perhaps.
He told Inc afterward that he had to stop
people from carrying their canes IL UNI
brellas into the art department because
thOughtleSs visitors now and then jabbed a
hole III an $4,000 painting, and it delayed
the eNpOSlJlOl, Wnel Iuey nau 10 wall lOI u
Minneapolis artist to paint another one. He
also stated that excited people poked the
statuary with their canes and knocked off
the drapcry.
So I left my umbrella at the check room,
for | did not wish to delay the exhibit while
new o~vercoats were being prepared for the
revised statues.
When l came back tho young woman took
my check, and as my radiant smile burst
upon her and lit up that end of the building,
she became embarrassed, dropped the check
on the floor, where it mingled with the re-
deemed checks, and when | asked for my
umbrella she looked at me with eyes like a
startled Goldfish and murmured:
"What umbrella
Time was gliding swiftly by and l wanted
to see some other things beside the umbrella
exhibit, so l got over the counter TO show her
which one was mine. To jump over q counter
is but the work of a moment with me. | am
tall, athletic and easy in my movements, 50
got over readily.