News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-06-03
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
Brother Gardner talks about the Salvation
AImy-The Watermelon, Etc.
[From the Detroit Free Press.


hold heah in my hands, " said Broth
er Gardner as the sneezing. coughing
and shutfling died away in Paradise
Hall, "a letter akin how dis Lime Kiln
Club stands on de Salvashun Army ques-
hun. 1t axes fur an honest expreshun
of my individual opinyun, an darfore
shan't compromise any of" de res of You.
when I say:
eff a revivalist has got to dyer eyes
to save yer soul den dar's sumthin'
wrong wild othodox religun.
eff de. way to Heaven am lined wild
whoopin', howHn' men an women 7
should reckon dat moas' of de chill'en
would git scarf an turn back.
| fence change of heart in a church con-
gregashun of respectable people won't
| be very apt to hit it in a barracks half
filled wild loafers.
at seems to be good deal easier for
pussons to believe dey hev call to 90
out an spread de gospel den for 'em to
believe dey hev call to make ivin'
by days work.
''If it has become necessary to scare a
man into calm hisself a Christian it am
no wonder dat religun doan' pay back
borrowed money any sooner dan older
folks.
eff Sam Jones can convert men to
Christ by mixture of humor, pathos,
farce an sense, delivered in an ole barn,
what's de use of our costly church edi-
fees an high salar1ed preachers?
'It am my opinyun dat nIne-tenths of
desc wanderin' revival1sts will hev iist
as hard work to squeeze into Heaven as
de average sinner.
"When you skeer a man into obeyin'
de law you doan' make a w-abidin'
citizen of him any mo- dan you make
Christian of man whom you skeer into
gittin' up in crowd an declarin' dat
he am gwine to lib different life."
THEY RESOLVED.
Lord John Harrison, secretary of the
branch club at Sumter, S. c., forward
ed official notice that at the last meet
ing of that club Lord Shannon offered
the following preamble and resolutions
which were unanimously adopted:
WHEREAS, 1t has come to the knowl-
edge of this club that Chancellor Long
bow and Colonel Horseman Hardy
(white) in a spirit of pure philanthropy
have planted watermelon patch in a
RcS0Iged, That free serenade and a
vote of thanks be offered to them bv
this club with the assurance that during
the next winter their turkeys may roost
low.
HE GOT IT.
The Rev. Penstock arose, pulled
down his vest, and there was jingle of
broken glass IN his voice as he said:
"lIisser President | obieck to dat re-
port bein' filed. l can't see what a
watermelyan has to do wild cull'd
man. What do we keer, any mo- dan
white folks. whether watermelyons am
skeerce or plenty?"
"Brudder Penstock," calmly replied
the President, 81 admire yer pride but
am disgusted wild yer logic.
'Dar am three things in dis yere
world which tickle a Guild mans palate
almoas' to death, an denyin' de fack
doan' stop de ticklin'-viz:
Ode possum am our game.
"2.-De hen am our bird.
"3.-De watermelyan am our fruit.
"All your objeckshuns an arguments
can't put dis fack behind you. All ma
shuns hev DER weaknesses. Why
shouldn't we hev ours? Brudder Pen
stock, sot down an be calm
CANT AFFILIATE.
A communication was received from
Washington, Pa, asking if the Lime
Kiln Club would affiliate with the Gre
nation Society at that place, and
Brother Gardner replied:
''De Scckretary will reply gently but
firmly in de negative. De society NAV
be composed of VERY excellent people,
but de principles doan harmonic wild
ours"
81 should like to know why 2" asked
Trustee PulIback.
'Bekase, as | understan' it, derr amt
five members in dis hull club who doan'
look upon cremashun wild feelin' of
horror lie bin trabblin' frew dis world
wild my ole woman fur nigh on to fifty
vars. We has shared de same sunshine
an troubles. We has induiged in de
same hopes an suffered de same disap-
pOintments. One of us am gwine to be
called home purity soon, an dye 'spose,
in case she goes fust, I'd let her body be
burnt instead of buried fur all de gold
you could pile into my cabin No, sir
1t would seem cruel an inhuman to me.
I'd look upon myself almoas' as a brute.
We shan't affiliate wild no cremashun
society dis var, an de mex time Brud-
der Pullback addresses dis char in sich
an impertinent manner he'll be fined not
less dan $400. let us now close de
meetin', put out de fab, an go home
thankful dat no cholera germs have thus
fur bin diskivered in our nayburhud." "