The Daily Tombstone., 1886-01-26

An early reply, postage pald, Will gratify grieving populace.
 Respectfully,
 FLIP MCGNNIs,
 Provo Marshal.
 The Secretary was instructed to re- ply that Bow Windom came to Detroit early in November and made applica- tion to join ths club, but before his case was acted on he treated corn for Samuel Shin in such an outrageous manner that he fled the city to escape charge of bird-shot. The people of Ohio are asked to give the impostor the cold shoulder.
 The Committee on Explosives made report through the Chairman, Tor pedo Johnson, which startled even the oldest members. The committee had been asked to investigate and re- port on the query: Suppose that 100 pounds of nitro. .glycerine was ex- ploded under Paradise Hall? What would be the effect2"
 The report stated that, after a series of careful experiments on boxes, bar rels and woodsheds, the committee had come to the conclusion that
 l. The hall would be lifted 200 feet in the air.
 ?. In striking the earth again the jar would knock down every stove pipe, smash most of the relics in the museum, and shake off at least fifty yards of plastering.
 3. The President and other officers occupying the center of the hall would be instantly killed.
 4. Giveadam Jones, Samuel Shin, Shindig Watkins and the Hon. Cabiff would be down into Canada and prob ably more or less injured.
 5. Every almanac in the library would be totally destroyed, the 2-shil- ling water pail blown to atoms and serious doubts existed if the lamp chimney would bear the strain.
 Several members started for the door before the report was fairly ended, but the President rapped in a vigorous manner and called out:
 "Ebery one O you 'uns sot down De fust man who tries to evade bein' blown up by 100 pounds of nitro glycerine will receive mortal injuries from another sourceI De report am 'cepted and 'dopted."
 Sir Isaac Walpole moved that the library be opened each evening at ' o'clock, instead of ' 80, from this date to April l, and the motion was unani- mously carried. In this connection the Librarian stated that the average evening attendance was ffty-eight, and that the most popular reading were works on poultry and book en- titled: "The Lives and Adventures of Distinguished Pirates"
 The Rev. Penstock wanted to in- quire, on behalf of 6,OO0,O0O colored people, if the two bear traps owned by the club were nightly set at the lower doors and in readiness to protect the hall from evil-disposed people.
 Samuel Shin, on whom this duty devolves, was happy to inform the Reverend that the traps were nightly "sot" and baited with plug tobacco.
 On motion of Waydown Bebee by law No. 63,S94 was amended so as to read: "Any person coming before this club with a salve or ointment warranted to cure chilblains shall not be permitted to experiment until he has given bonds in the sum of $25, and the first experiments shall be made on the feet of members who are in arrears for dues"
 Chancery Jones, Attorney-General for the club, then announced that he had looked up the law in the case and satisfied himself that any member who, by accident or mistake, dropped a silver quarter into the contribution box instead of button, could not re- claim the same except by burglarizing the safe.