The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-06-02
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
Like truth. cheese is, mite-y and will
prevail.-Lye. 81. ..,.:.-,--s..
The most reliable sanitary engineers
are soap and exercise.-Bar6ers' Gazette.
''The most important thing in connec-
tie burglar.-Pittsbarg Chronicle.
Gas corrodes brass. Strange that COM
mercial travellers don't resemble old
boiler iron more than they do.-Brooelyh
Times. .. ..... -. .,-.... ..-:.s. = 2
The sting of the bee is only one thirty.
second of an inch long; it is. said to be
imagination that makes it seem as long
as hoe handle.-.1he, Cook. -,
Parlor croquet has been succeeded by
baseball at cards in the library, and we
may expect to hear of "Cricket on the
Hearth. ."-Pittsburg Telegraph.
IlfLilla NJ. Cushman, the poetess, says,
tsMy back is almost broken with this
weary, weary load" She ought to make
her husband carry up the coal.-HawE-
eye. -- d. .s''.. .. f~
The railroads of the world are. said to
carry $500, 900 passengers a day. Il
takes all this vast army to down the rail-
way eating house sandwiches.-Louis-
ollie Courier-Journal. .'.'' q. :i-a..~ !
A Nevada hunter spent three monthg
looking for grizzly bear, and the mans
relatives have spent three months look
ing for him. They think he must have
found the bear. Detroit Free Press.
Sons of great men all remind us that,
to make their lives sublime and appreci.
ative to find US, they must manage, every
time, to fulfill hard condition: for no
fortune is SO sad, in youth of high am
bition, as to own famous dad - Chicago
! Tribune. ... ....... ..t ~. ~
"Oh, hubby, I've had such dreadful
accidentp '"What is it, my dear3"
"rve broken the hall mirror, and you
know it is sign of bad luck to break q
mirror" $50 it is, my darling, especially
when the mirror costs fourteen dollars"
Chicago Neus. III
Brown-"What sad-looklng fellow
Smith is. What is the matter with him,
I wonder9" Fogg-"Why, didn't yoa
ever hearl He was disappointed in love-"
Brown-"Got the mitten, eh2" Fogg-
"Oh, dear, no; he married her. ."-Boston
Transcript.
The car frequently seizes the ladies
of his court and waltzes them gayly
around the corridors. He also frequent
ly seizes some of the gentlemen of his
court and waltzes them to Siberia with
out exciting much comment.-PhiIa.
dolphin Call. ~
Things one would rather have left un-
said: She Would you mind putting
nv lawn-tenn shoes in your pockets,
Mr.. Greene Helm afraid my pockets
are hardly big enough, Miss Gladys; but
shall be delighted to carry them for
you.-Punch.
Any one who has never heard woman
talk about a tooth she has just had
pulled, while she displays the interesting
souvenir to her friends, will be willing
to admit that men are not the only or the
best stump orators in the world.-Bar-
lngton Free Press. ...
The winds come back from their paths ON
the sea.
The eagle flies home to his nest,
And the child returns to its mothers knee,
And hope to the sorrowing breast.
The summer returns with b!ossoming cheer
1.-THE clouds return after the rain"
But the old umbrella loaned last year
Lynn Union.
A Boston writer thinks that the sexes
are "drifting apart The reason OF this
drifting is very likely in the fact that
the representatives of the male sex find
it impossible to "raise the wind" sufti-
ciently to sail in company down the har.
Dor to places of popular resort.-Lo~eu
Citizen.
The latest scientific whim is surgical
operation for the benefit of piano players
clipping cord between the third and
fourth fingers. What a long-suifering
public demands of science is something
that will benefit the entire neighborhood
wherein the, player 'resides.-Chica9o
Ledger.
Rcbatement-Old lady "a little hard OF
hearing): Eighteen shillingsl It's
monstrous! know the value of these
articles, and never paid more than seven;
teen." shopman (shouting}: ~ said
eight shilliugs, ma'am, not eighteen"
Old lady: "Oh-eigbt shillings-for
these2 I couldn't think of giving more
than Is d."-Punch.
81 half wish you weren't going to
marry Miss spareribs," said cd MIR.
Cautious to his son. "Why not" re-
Piled the young man. "shes worth
$500, ,ooo." "she may be worth it to to
YOU" said his father, "but I doubt If
She'll fetch it," 'She doesn't need to
fetch it," said the young man, '1'm
going after ."-BrOoklyn Eagle.
At a fire recently brave fireman came
gasping and painting from the burning
building with his beard and eyebrows
sinced in the fumes. Under one arm nc
carried a small but heavy box, which ne
deposited in place of safety with the
air of o man who had saved a box OF
government bonds from destruction. On
opening the box, it was found to con-
tain six bottles of a new patent hre'ex-
her.-Argonaut.