The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1886-06-04
WIT AND HUMoR.

the country. Now, as l am a humane
woman" Mr.. Dusenberry-"I don't
take any interest in the project. 1t is
too trifling in its economical aspect [
could suggest an anti-league of great
magnitude. and I'd like to see all the
ladies join ii" '.Ah! what kind of a
league is itp" San anti-sealskin league.
The seals have as much right to live as
money squandered for them. "-Phtla-
delphia Call.
The little ones have strange ideas of
a hereafter. The Saunterer was con-
versing with two-footer not long
since. and the conversation turned on
the New Jerusalem. ''Well," said the
tiny philosopher, II expect only our
heads 90 to heaven" "Whyp" was the
natural response. 20, because the pict-
ures of angels that / have seen have
been all head and wings" The same
little logician, after hearing a descrip-
ton of the destruction of Pompeii, stood
for minute looking at Mount Vcsuvius
in state of eruption, and then re-
marked: swell, / suppose they were
buried under the lava because people
were wanted to fill up heaven. Dos
ton Budget.
Long and YEARLY had his anxious
wife waited, when at last the husband
entered, and, with his frame convulsed
with anguish, threw himself into a
chair, and burying his face in his
hands, groaned: 1--WE are ruined; to-
morrow's sun will see the proud name
Af VnnlyiYc tho lief nf honk-
rupts." Then outspoke the noble wife:
Say not so, my dear Peter; all is not
lost. We have gone without ice for the
last three months, and here is the
money you gave me TO pay the ice
man." and she placed $4,000 on the
table. The worn, weary face of the
husband lighted up with JOY rs he ex-
claimed: '.Maria, you are daisy: if
we had gone without gas for the same
time l would have retired from bust
ness. "-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
"Tve been basely defrauded," said
the barber. "You sec am sociable
my customers. About four months ago
a stranger came in and took his place
in the chair to be shaved. asked him
half dozen questions and got no an
swer; finally he saw my lips move,
and, taking out his notebook, scrubbed
on the fy-leaf, I'm totally deaf. That
settled it. He came in three times a
week and almost always went to sleep
in the chair while being shaved. To-
day, while l was coming down in the
car, | stood behind the fellow, and
would you believe it, he was carrying
on conversation in IN undertone,
never missing Il word his companion
said. Deaf! Why, he can hear
watch tick in another mans pocket.
It's q shame for him to treat me so."-
Buffalo Courier.
He had never presided over DELHI
erative assembly, but he knew what he
wanted (Which is the main thing for the
chairman of meeting to know, and
he said: twenty-five gentlemen have
voted yes and forty gentlemen have
voted no, and the motion is carried"
"How do you make that outP" shouted
several voices. why" said the chair
man, ''you. 90 according to Cushing,
don't youp" The disgruntled ones had
to admit that they did. swell, them"
COnIlHuc'i tuO parliamentary hOOpuy W,
doesn't he say that two negatives are
equivalent to one affirmativep which is
the same thing as saying that one affirm
ative is equivalent to two negatives?"
There was tendency to doubt that
Cushing contained any such rule until
one old gentleman who had voted in
the negative said, '.Its no use, fellers;
we're beaten; I've heard that rule ever
since Twas Il youngstcr. boston Tran
script.
The impecunious dudes are delighted
over the discovery of one of their num-
Der which is of such a novel nature as
to be worthy of passing notice at any
rate. The memorable laws of fashion
prescribe that the dude must have a
crease running down the whole length
of each trousers leg. Now this crease
has habit of absenting itself after the
trousers have been worn several DAYS,
and making the dudes heart sad as he
contemplates the solemn fact that he
will have to pay his tailor half dollar
to press it in again. Now half dollar
is 80 big cents to most of our dudes,
and they were beginning to feel the
drain upon their purses when one of
them hit upon scheme which has Sc
cured him the grateful thanks of his
fellows. Every night before he retires
he folds his trousers carefully and lays
them between the mattresses on his bed.
He sleeps on them, and thus the creases
are preserved for the admiration of the
public next day Washing ton Letter TO
Boston Traveller
/ am afraid the incident of the time
when Adjutant-General Guthrie de-
clined to drink with Gov. Pattison is
not as fresh as it might be, but it is good
enough to risk, especially as they both
acknowledged it. 1t happened at the
time the governor-elect sent for Col.
Guthrie to offer him the position of
Acknowledgement. He rendered him
the position, and at the same time, so
that they might compare views, pro-
ceeded to give Col. Guthrie his own no
tons of the needs of the service. Prom
inently he spoke of the prevalence of
drinking among the officers and the
bad influence it must have on the men.
Suddenly, rs though it had just oc-
CURED to him to be worth while to