Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1886-04-19


When a Cottage Hill little girl was
taken to dentist to have tooth ex-
tracted, she noticed that her mother
referred to the operation as pulling"
and the dentist as Extracting" and
she, fearing q double torture. inquired
plaintively of the dentist: doctor,
shall have to have nv tooth extracted
after 1t is pulledP"-OH CITY Derrick.
what is a pharmaceutical assocl-
ationp" asked little damsel who had
carefully spelled out the long name in
the paper, and the old gentleman,
aroused from a pcrusal of the stock
list. answered: Farmers cuticle as
sociationp Some of those fellows who
go around SHINING the farmer, sup
pose. Why don't you read something
easier, my dear. "-BoSton Commercial
Bulietin.
First detective-"Hist! I have n
clew." Second D.-"Hush! Don't
speak so loud. What is it?" First
dare we observedp" Second D.
May. we are alone, but speak low;
even the walls have ears. Where did
you find your clewp" First Din
this paper. Here it is, right in the be-
ginning of this piece of poetry. List!
There is blood upon the moon. ~
Philadelphia Cali
A concert by a Chinese band was
given in New York on Monday even
ing. There were no encores. From
the fact that member of the audience,
as he left the hall, heartlessly remark
ed that if capital punishment was ever
abolished he would advocate treating
murderers to serenade by a Chinese
band, it is inferred that he was not
overwhelmingly pleased with the con-
cert.-NorristoUn Herald.
Love is a strange affair! Why, we
once knew n man who was dead in love
with a fair young woman. He loved
her SO devotedly that he never told her
that he was suffering from epilepsy.
shingles and divers other diseases, or
so much Us lisped that his ancestors on
both sides for three generations back
had died in the lunatic asylum. He
was too generous to pain the fair crea-
ture.-BoSton Transcript
A truce is called for metropolitan
! jealousy. ''Love your neighbor as
yourself" Philadelphia is not "a
sleepy old town." Boston's heart is moi
q can of baked beans. and she is not q
city of sluggers and AFT ,c,ed people
who say ''culchaw;" Cincinnati i:
truly musical. and her people are not
swine; Chicago ladies have as small
feet as the daintiest, and St. Louis i.
not a dirty French settlement. lie
us have peace. ~ Y. Commercial
| Advertiser.
A young attorney of this citv has fo
client lady who resides on L. street
and is possessed of considerable rea
estate. A few days since she called a
the office Of her attorney and informe,
him that she desired TO secure the s y
vices of Judge "Dcnnison" to assist i,
certain litigation. The young attorne,
objected; said she could hire the ser
vices of Judge "Dennison" as advisor,
counsel. but he would not give up tn,
management of the case. However.
he remarked, IL you do not think
have ability enough to prosecute thu
case l will step 10 one side, and yo,
can employ Judge .Dannison.' AZ,
me. she replied. 81 have every conf
dence in your ability; was only afrai,
you did not know enough. "-SacrG
naento (Cak Union.
A gentleman in q street-car. Will
reading newspaper. discovered
paragraph which struck him as partic
ularly funny. ''Here is somcthin:
good" he said to his ncighbor. ant
read the item TO him. A tired lool
swept over the Scniiemsn's face. blu
he never smiled. Presently the readc
came across another paragraph tina
tickled his fancy. IL will try him will
this onc," he said. He did so. and tea
actually welled out of his ne.ghbor'
eve and coursed slowly down his cheek
Heavens, mani was the excama
ton, whats the matter with you? hav'
| you no sense of humor? What do yo,
do to pass away the time, anyway
Looking mourn!uliy Out OF the window
the stranger replied: Il am a proof
reader on comic weekly"