Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-03-06
JEEMS HAXBY.
VISITS IN THE COUNTRY AND SLEEPS IN
THE ATTIC ALONE.
FRoGG POM FARM. }
Mostly briars, March lst

With lts meme poiiSemen, swIndnng
kar-drivers and pore bording houses,
and am up here, tring the helthful-
mes ov farm life. Jim Swoodlespan-
gler frequently invited me up to Sc
him. He haz 3 akers and a frogg
pond here in the montains Of Pensil-
vany, and boosted so blatently ov
the rich soil, and the brasing air of
the vile country, that resolved to
visit him. Mi boss had just pade me
s1.0Ssf, mi monthly salery for keeping
the cote out ov hiz back yard and
thus ladened doun with filthe luker,
and full ov enthusiasm, borded the
first tran that stopped at Jim Swoo-
dlespangler's domisile. had never
rode on the kars 1t made me gid
dy. So, when went for drink,
piched intoo fat ladys lap. After
punshing me in the Ease with 7
flute paresol, she almost broke my
hart by ealing NE "conglomerated
mas ov maskuline brutality" After
that didn't want the water, butslid
back intoo my sete. In fansy, saw
the ole farm house; the kows and
horses. seemed to here the burds
singing willow, tit willow, tit will
low' saw the sparkling milk
spring and herd the froggs singing
under the Use. saw TIL
"Tickits !" yelled q bigg man with
q blu suite on, full ov bras buttons,
giving me gerk.
81 only hay tickit,n i sed
"Wel, how many do you suppoze
thout you had !? Young man, you
are creme; very, very CREME"
He TUX the tickit, punished q hole
in it with male; LATED in mi Ease
and went on to the next Teller.
Again mi he'd bobed up and doun
with the moshun of the kars. Onse
more the ole farm house began to as
suem tangible form, with the gese
and turkeys walking arond in their
bare fete. wuz half aslepe, when
"S-k-a-m-p-d-o-u-g-l-e!" yelled the
bigg bras button man, opening the
dore He thout he would skare me,
but when he saw wuz luking, he
shut the dore very quickly.
"Skampdougle, !" muzed, "Skamp-
dougle. Why, here wuz to TAX
the path acros the fields for Jim's
caben." jumped up, GRABBED mi
bundul, and rushed out so SUDDENLY
that nocked the blu-coted man off
the platform.
asa, young feller," he said, kinly,
after brushing the dust from hiz hat,
elf theirs lunitick asylem mere bi,
you had better rent rumes."
The stashun wuz an ole white
washed stabul, with 2 winders cut
in the front. Sum 16 men and boys
stud leaning agin it. They pointed
to me and sed:
"Iz it alive!"
"Barnum's what il it I"
at came in on the train p
"Roschyld in disgizel"
asa, Gully, want yer rags carried ?"
Verify, theze men TUX me for sum
CRATE man, mnst not deceive them.
So sed:
Gentlemen: You Sc befor you to-
da the only living desendent ov the
CRATE Haxby family! Mi granfather
built Washington; mi granmuther
wuz an only dauter ov christopher
Kolumbus; mi father CHOPPED wude
with Charles II, in the montains ov
Skotlan. In fact, the whole Haxby
family were"
Zip-zipl egs struk me in the
Ease. NEEDED no invitashun to imi-
CRATE. ran merely 2 miles and sat
doun on a stump to reflect. Here
wuz, alone in houling wilderness
and almost shared to deth The
win wuz bloing hard and the stump
wuz cole, so roze and wuz just go
ing away, when bob-tale cat hoped
cut ov bunch of gras, and sped ava
northward. i folered it, for there
must be habitashun mere bi. Up,
up the bigg hill went to the top and
luked around. There wus field,
wuds and then sumthing that luked
like house. i aimed for the wuds
and shortly came to the yard ov the
house. A yellar dogg luked up and
then went to slepe agin. stud bi,
skrutinizing the house. 1t wuz ov
loggs, about l2xl5 fete, had l wind
err, and an ole stow pipe stuck out
thru the rufe. sunni wuz talking
within, in shril voise:
asa, Jim, you better get that eoffe
billed befori git up,or yer'lcatch it !"
"Aal rite, Linzy," sed a Dope
voise, "whar did yer put the box ov
matches 7"