The Washington critic., 1886-07-26
GENERAL AND CRITICULAR.

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GENERAL AND CRITICULAR.
One fine summer day, Bill, whose Chris
tian name was Oleomargarine, concluded
that he would walk up from the Capitol to
the White House and have an audience with
the President. He had been treated with
such Difference by Senators and Members
that he almost felt like sending word to the
President to come down and see him, but
he did not. He cut wide swathe when he
went on the Avenue, and was the cynosure
of all eyes. He wore q beautiful suit OF
dandelion- colored cheese cloth, his hair was
annointed with pomade Of butter and his
patent feathers were creased with oleo.
Such very swell swell had not appeared
on the Avenue since Berry Wall was in
town, and everything got out Of his way as
II he had been fire engine on Its way to
business. In due time he reached the
White House and was ushered into the
presence, by the awestruck attendants, by
whom he was introduced to the President.
"Ah," said the Chief Executive, "glad
to see you. I've been looking for you for
some time"
"Yas," drawled Bill, 81 pwesume you
have; but have been engaged, don't you
know, with Senataws and Membaws, don't
you know, and weally hadn't time to get
awound youah way soonah, don't you
know"
Then they had a pleasant talk, and
Daniel came in and slapped Bill on the back
and asked how the vote was going In New
York, and SO on till Bill picked up his clover
straw hat and said weally he must be going,
and he went. He felt his oats even more
on his return down the Avenue than COM
ing up, but he was astonished to notice
that he was being stared at curously and
annoyed to observe that he was being
laughed at as well. In some instances
small boys shouted scornfully, "Git on to
it!n "Who put the tail on the kite?" and
applied other dlsagreeable epithetical
| phrases to him. When he reached the Capt.
| tol, he went at once to Mr.. Hatch, NJ. c.,
| in his committee-room.
"Hello. Bill" greeted the Missourlan,
"IIow are you?"
81 feel quite easy, and | look well, but
something is the mattah, weally, don't
you know. Everybody on the Avenue
| lofIed at me- don't you know. Has some
wetch attached a hawwid placahd to my
clothing ?" he continued turning around
for inspection.
| "Great heavens " exclaimed the Con.
gresham, 81 should say he had. Look al
that !" and he plucked 10xl2 card of
of Bill's coat-tail and showed 1t to him.
"Vetoed " gasped Bill. swell, will
be id |"
And he was.
The Master Painters, recently painting
Philadelphia red, are not the sold Masters
we read Of in art books.
Notwithstanding the fact that Miss Cleve
land has hung out her shingle In Chicago
she has put new roof on her house at IIol
land Patent,
"Dreadful odor in this nelghborhood,
remarked Muggs, as they strolled up
street. ~ wonder what 1t is ?"
"H'm," said his friend, with an investi
gatory sniff. "Must be the bad air tina
German bands been playing on the corner,
and they turned into the family entranc
for disinfectant. e. l.. S.
The hop crop is reported a failure 1
many localities. We thought the coo
weather of this summer would knock ou
the summer resort resorters.
The barber tests the humidity of the hal
by his bayrumeter.
Congress will scarcely give us an limits
tion this week of legislative body adJourI
ing sine die.
The President sat ponderng,
His hand upon his cheek
"Yes, Daniel, load those votoes,
I'll need few this week.
Mexico evinces high esteem for th
press of the United States, She woul
rather hight than give up that American cd
tor she has captured.
A little summer war with Canada on th
North and Mexico on the South would Civ
our fighting Congressman something to
during the summer vacation,
The United States seems 10 have got int
Cutting scrape with Mexico.
Connecticut has long been cold, forma
conventional sort Of State, but We ar
pleased 10 note that change for the bette
a humanIzing Influence, sympathetic nj
ture, has begun to assert itself, aud ma
was lynched there Sunday,
Prohibition is not proving very success
ful In Rhode Island, as the State Is so sma
that a man can sit on his back porch wit
rye straw and suck a mint julep right ou
Of the State Of Massachusetts,.