New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1886-08-04
A LITTLE NONSENSE.

1duu ODtalnS nome rule John L. Sullivan viii
claim descent from an Irish king and go owe
to ireland to grow up with the country.
He was practical, and had been making
love on that basis. She was little that wa,
herself. "Can you COOKE" he inquired
Can you supply everything to be cooked?'
she replied It was match
Two convicts were discovered making
counterfeit money in the Kansas state peni.
Tertiary. It is now puzzling the author1tie
to decide how to punish them, as thay are
already locked up; but they will probably
be liberated and sent to the state legis
lature.
Western paper speaks of people "of goot
birth" in the city wherein it is published
aSir." said Dr. Johnson, ANY man is vel
born who is born at all."-[Boston Tran
script
Slimkins and his young wife had Just com
pleted their first quarrel II wish l wa
dead" she sobbed Il wish I was, too" b
blubbered. eThen don't wish was" sh.
replied, and the war continued
An unknown man stepped up to Rev. Mr.
Talmage once and said: well, sir, am al
evolutionist and want to discuss the ques
ton with you. I am also an annihilationlet
l believe that when I die that will be tn
end Of me-" sThank God for thar!" dc
voutly calculated Mr.. Talmage. as he wake.
OF and left the man perfectly dazed
A tramp recently stopped at house neat
Chico and asked for something TO eat sNo,
said the proprietor. Il cannot give you any
thing have discharged my Chinaman and
my wife has TO do the cooking. I used to feet
tramps, BUTT is all my wife can do now t.
fully moved on, wondering to himself
whether boycotting was good thing afte
all-fChico Cali Enterprise.
slow are you finding business, doctors
was asked of physician. Capital" he re
piled; Il have all that can attend to-" &
didn't understand that there was much sick
ness aboutg" @No, there isn't; but we physi.
clans Go not depend upon sickness for an
income. oh, my, no; most of our money is
made from people who have nothing tn.
matter with them.
Atan evening meeting held in a church il,
a suburban town, a member who had an i'm
pediment in his speech arose and spoke il
touching terms of a brother who several day
previously had committed suicide. sWhy
should he have wished to die?" said he III,
had no wife" just here the impeachment
stopped him, and 1t was amid the half-sup
pressed tittering of the congregation that b,
finally finished his sentence by adding-@Ol
the other side to Join her."
This is one of the curious things floating
about: Take a piece Of paper, aud upon il
put in figures your age in years, dropping
months weeks and days. Multiply it by two
then add to the result obtained the figure;
3T6S; add two and then divide by two. Sub
tract from the result obtained the number o..
your years on earth. and see il you 60 no
obtain figures that you will not be likely tt
forget.
"A Ballston merchant had a singular ex
perience the other day. He had purchased
a jug of cider, put it in his wagon. ant
started for his place of business. On the
way. at lonely spot, he heard the report O.!
thing whizzing past his head. He thought
he was shot at, whipped up his horse. and
on reaching home, found his Jug nearly
empty and minus it's cork
Odd you see anything that particularly
struck your fancy when you were looking
around the furniture stores today" asked
young Somerville husband of his lately.
made wife ON her return from tour of
furniture inspection. EYES," she replied. q
saw something exceedingly pretty in look.
ing glasses" Il have no doubt you did, b,
observed, NH you looked into them" The
halo of calm, sweet peace rests upon thai
journal.
A singular story came from Waterford
on Thursday. A soldier on furlough was
entertained by by pair of agricultural Ia,
borers. one. of whom asked him to chang,
clothes with him, so that he NIGH
visit his sweetheart and surprise he,
by appearing in military uniform The
soldier consented and the lover departed
after donning the uniform. Having seen hi
sweetheart. he subsequently returned to re-
sumecivilian gard, but the soldier could no;
be found. The son Of Mars had taken the
capital opportunity to desert. and he has
not since been :seen.-[Manchester England'
Examiner.
A gushing temperance lecturer, who was
divorced from his wife, took tea with q fam.
lily who had ayoung son OF the most frank
and inpudcnt type. During a lull in thu
conversation the youth, who had heard his
parents make comments upon the divorce o!
the lecturer from his wife, blurted out: sMr
Comma. where's your wife?" The ques-
ton was SO loudly put and so abrupt
that tie man hadn't the presence Q,
mind to tell the boy he was impudent, but
flushed and coughing, he;replled: sI-reellJ
Il don't know" divorced, mother saws
continued the ,odious young republican
@Er-well-yes,," coughed the embarrassed
@Good ,Tensplar.:" aShoot the divorced
shouted the son and heir; swhat eft yor
don't agree2 Fight it out, the way father
and mother doos!"
A MILLIONAIRE ''KICKER."
Chicago Mail: Ed Partridge is known in a
great many cities as rich dry goods man.