The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1886-07-23

'"Ahp say, pleasantly, so that's
it, is it? You might do worse young
people. l Ibelieve in marriages, you
know-that is to say, marriages prop
erly undertaken. They are made in
heaven, l think. Il may here say
that some people object to that senti-
ment, though generally give it utter
ance.) Now, SIR say, turning to
the bridegroom, "a word with you.
Let us go into the next ROOM
''The bride pouts at this, and askes
if she cannot come with us, and being
told that it is nothecessary she goes on
pouting. Then l obtain points and
necessary details from the bridegro ON,
after which | return to the drawing
room for the bride and the witnesses
and prepare for the necessary signing
and tormality. The bride is invari-
ably nervous at this stage. The most
phlegmatic woman l have ever seen
trembles when what call 'makingthe
declaration is commenced Now,
Miss Smith, l begin. what is your
fathers name She always says
Mr.. Smith. Nine women out of ten
think initials unnecessary. When
ask her the mothers name she gener-
ally sheds tear. am at loss to
know why. The mere mention of q
mothers name is not particularly pa
thetic, though perhapslt may be on
the eye OF marriage. always crack
little joke when ask the bride her
age. How old are you, Miss Smith?'
l Say. Il know you think it very
rude OF me to ask, but you needn't be
afraid OF your minister, your doctor.
or your lawyer
"It have made that Joke once
have made it-let me see; twenty five
times tifty-two, zero and carry five,
one hundred and twenty-fve-thirteen
hundred times, multiplied by four, the
weekly average-fve thousand two
hundred times Well, out OF those five
thousand two hundred brides repre-
sented [ could almost swear that
five thousand have laughed at
that joke. l Inever change it. 1t is q
hit. The bride never minds telling un-
der those circumstances, but | have
noticed that she invariably gives her
age last birthday, and looks much an
noyed when | inscribe that OF next
birthday. After that it is compara-
lively straight sailing. When the dec
laration Is at an end always say to
the bride: Now, Miss Smith, sign
your maiden name for the last time.
That makes her so extremely nervous
that in very many cases she spills the
ink. l have made it a rule to keep the
table on which these important docu-
ments are signed covered with oilcloth.
When first entered upon my official
duties used dainty little table covers,
which imagined would appeal to the
artistic senses of the brides. Perhaps
the delicate work did so appeal, but
it never prevented the deluge OF ink,
which brought tears OF anguish to the
eyes OF my wife, who was equally fool
ish when she was married herself, but
declines to own it. The witnesses u.s.
ually enjoy signing their names. Men
and women as a rule like to put them
selves on record everywhere. They
rejoice to be able to say: Well. you'll
find my name there The witnesses
are longer signing their names than
the bride and groom They add
touches and put long flourishes in &C.
stacies of calligraphy. AT last when
it is over, Isay solemnly: Mr.. Snooks,
give your tiancee your arm and walk
into the drawing-room.' The bride
giggles, the bridegroom amb!es stupid
ly along, because he imagines every
one is looking at him. | follow them
into the drawing-room.
Before the ceremony begins the
bride generally says: John. tell him
to be as quick as he can. Can't he use
a short service?' If she knew that
was as desirous OF returning to my IL
brary asshe was to start on her brida al
trip that injunction would never be
made. thus arrange them in the pre-
scribod manner, OF which they are
usually blissfully ignorant The awk-
wardness OF a BRIDE and bridegroom is
phenomenal. When | say: Let the
lady stand to the gentleman's left it
usually takes them couple ofminutes
to distinguish between the right and
left, and have to literally put them
in place. Their movements seem to
be impeded, and don't believe that
six couples out OF ten can tell their
right from their left hand five minutes
before they are married. During the
ceremony they have nothing to do, so
there is no trouble. AT the end, when
say to the man Take your bride. he
looks very frequently astonished and
as though he did not understand me.
Often he seizes her hand and remains
holding it with most ridiculous energy,
apparently waiting for Developments.
have to break the spell by remark
ing mildly: That is all, my young
friends. You are now man and wife
after the ceremony l ask them to
be seated and endeavor to lead them
into conversation. AT first this was
most embarrassing for me, but am
quite used to it now. l generally be-
gin:
"'Now, suppose, Mrs. snooks--'
"'Mrs. Snooks, she says, how fun
ny it sounds. Am Mrs Snooks, John,
dear2'-coquettishly to her husband.
"Of course you are he says, tender.
ly; you must get accustomed to the
name
Excuse me interrupting you, doc
tor she resumes, sweetly. You see !
didn't know my name. You were the
first to call me Mrs. Snooks. You
We're about to say
"Now l bad merely desired to use
the married girls new name and had
said all was about to say, but had
some original remark ready about
the weather, and the probability that
there would be more rain or sun next
week. So gave utterance to this re-
mark, and then we chat easily for five
minutes or so. Soon they lapse into
silence can see that they are anx-
ious to depart, though neither likes
to say so, while the witnesses rarely
desire change of scene. Sometimes !
let them wax uncomfortable. Then
John says:
"Well, doctor, suppose you have
finished with us?"
"'ies, say, shortly.