Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1886-07-01
SMA LII.

| Rhode Island is no q $50 years old, but is
very small for her Philadelphia Call.
"say, I've yot the hiccoughs. Frighter
me, won't you?" ''Lend me fveH
| Free Press.
| Woman's Pride.-He (agitated)-" Maria
your bonnet is on fre!'' She (calmly)-''Is
| ita Then it's different than any other bon
! net on the street. ."-Tidbits.
ga Thousand and One Words" is the name
of a new novel. We presume it is a descrip-
| ton of the parting of two women at the rail
road depot.-Yonkers Statesman.
'tTime expired; man ditto" was the rea-
son a country postmaster gave for notifying
publisher to discontinue sending his paper
to a certain address.-Palmer (Mass) Jour
nal.
1t seems strange that an umpire is paid a
large salary when there are thousands of
men and boys on the field who know so
much more than he does.-Philadelph
Call.
At French Restaurant. .-"Here, waiter,
it seems to me that this turbot is not quite
as fresh as the one you had last Sunday"
pardon, Monsieur, it's the very same!''-
Tidbits.
She-stDo you really love me, thens" He
-''Love youa How can you ask -its Yes,
and am yours till death" She-"Charles
how can you talk of anything so horrids''-
Boston Transcript.
sMy good man." said the philanthropist
to the street laborer, ''do you never have
cause to grumble at your positionF' ''No,
| SIR" was the answer. ''I took my pick at
the start. Lowell Citizen.
The Earl of Carnarvon, at banquet, in
proposing the health of the clergy, said that
Gin these days clergymen were expected to
| have the wisdom and learning of a Jeremy
Taylor" His lordship was next day reported
to have said, ''In these days clergymen were
expected to have the wisdom and learning of
| journeyman ilor.'-Exchange.
A great Pedobaptist lawyer went to his own
brother, Baptist preacher, now pastor in
Virginia, and asked for baptism and to be
| byterian church. The preacher said mo,
| brother; can't put my mark on you and
| turn you out into another mans pasture. u
| Richmond Religious Herald.
Chow would you proceed to find out the
| age of trees" asked a teacher last week, and
| the answer came back from one of the schol-
ars, 81 should first find out when it was
planted" Another instructor said, "Give
| an example of fesh-eating animal" and the
| reply was, without crcumlocution or eva
sion, "a cannibal. boston Budget.
| A New Weapon-Ths ladies in their ami
| able but short-sighted warfare against the
| demon rum have strangely neglected to
| make use of one valuable weapon. have
sworn off myself and dont mind giving them
| this friendly pointer. They have tried to
| drive the rumseller out of business by ad-
verse legislation and to bore him out by
holding prayer meetings in his place, but
have generally failed in both endeavors
Now what they ought to do-for heavens
sake come closer, ladies, and be sure you
don't breathe word about me in connection
with this affair-what you ought to do is to
take to drink yourselves: I am quite sure
that after only one lady had sauntered
into the average barroom and said:
| ''I would like to look at some Of your gin
| cocktails, please and had tasted and com
| pared, and asked if the color was fast, and
| if it was all wool, and if it would wash, and
said that she could buy the same thing at
Flynn's for 10 cents, that the barkeeper
would only bestoo glad to go out of the bus
mess. And after he had had experience of
the lady who wants "to match the sample
| of rye whiskey," and who keeps ten men
waiting with parched lips, and in all the
| agony of thirst, while she matches colors
| and qualities, and says she knows she ''got
| it here, because she remembers you, young
| man, very distinctly" I think he would glad
| ly commit suicide with one of his own
| cent cigars.-Puck.