The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1886-09-04
ADVICE ABOUT MARRIAGE,


Make It,
Brother Gardner in Detroit Free Prt1:
Builder Amibad CantileVer, 1t am report
ed dat you am about to take unto yourself
q wife. Dat de report am true your recent
ackshuns am proof. You has been seen
pricin' secondhand stoves, squintin' at
To- dollar bedroom sweets, an rustIln'
around after bFiC.R.braC. Marriage am
muffin YOU need be ashamed OF, an
rec YOU kin depend on dis club TO warm
up de- house fer you an leave bshind
some hard.bottomed cheers an a few
articles Of tinware.
Budder Cantilever, marriage am q lot
terry or Q deAd.sure thing-just as you
make it. II you git stuck on slght-fall in
Iuy wild q gal fur her small feet, tapsrin'
waist, dimpled chin, or wRrblin' mOut an
marry her oii-hand st about twelve weaks'
motifs, you needn't be astonished II dar am
a dynamite 'splOshun sfore you hey bin
hitched week. Small feet an good
temper doan' allus 20 together, Slim
waists an kitchen economy may not work
in dc same harness. De gal who charms
YOU by de- way she drums de palmer may
llatly refuse, as wife, to run dem same
fingers oberde washbo'd. Firstly, doan' gil
married until you know what you are
bein' lined to. Study do gal, Let dc feet
20 an watch her temper. tide bangs &c
an watch her economy, Nebber you
mind about de way she dimples her chin
but ak yourself II she'll make de bed wild
de foot lower dan de head, You has goI
to do all de studying, Not one gal out OIL
thousand cher stops to size up luVer
| II his GreCian nose or curly hA'r or drOo
pin' mustaChe strikes her fancy shell
nebber stop to study his nGtur' nor tc
worry ober his habits. She is margin
dat nose or head, or mustachs. a month
after marriage, when he hauls her aroun'
BY one hair an slaps her dimpled jaw
she's perfectly astonished to think shs
made SIGH q mistake.
Secondly, Brudder CanLilever, srder de
knot has bin tied, make up yer mind dat
dc iucher won't DO all plain sailin'. You
are gwlne 10 be tried an tested an truD'
bled, an You hey got to call to call up yer
manhood. You will h'ar de sassar sCra.
pin' de bottom OF the flour bar'l when you
invent got a cent in yer pocket, Do
wood.pile will run out in Jinuary, an do
sugar an bacon will seem to be carried of
by dc rats, II yer wife am eber so good.
nstured she will hev her trials an tribu.
lashuns an dar may be times when she'll
riz up and claw fur you. In dey'ars gone
by my ole woman has Tushed upon me
wid de rollin'.pin, an l has retorted In q
way to make her ears ache, but all dc
time ! knowed she was savin'
an good.hearted, an she knowed
Id empty my pockets OF de las
shillin' to buy her u new
set OF false irizzes. II you am suited to
each odder, an oCcashunal row in de
family will prove stiCkin'.paster to hold
YOU do Clusser together. IT, you amt suit.
edit you dlskiver dat you hey struck q
patch Of Canada thistles and can't sot still,
an II do odder party disEivers dat she
has taken a tumble of de monument Of
Romance and brought up wild q thud In
in do mud.hole OF Reality, you jist Gbsquat.
ulate apart. Go quietly aud decently and
get onhitched by divorce, an let de wis.,
dom gained by experience stan' at yer
right hand when 20 make anoder choice.
Boulder Cantileyer, my ieelins an de
feclus OBJ dis club am wild ye, an our
good wishes, together wild at least 81
wurth OF tinware, kin DO counted on when
ever dc fatal oCcashun arroVes.