The Irish standard., 1886-10-09
POPE LEO XIII.
STANDARD" BREVITIRS.
a halter is man of fur-tile resources.

STANDARD" BREW LILIES,
A halter is man Of fur-tile res sources.
How high do you want to insure yon1
nouse:' About up 10 the chimney"
The only GOODNESS that should come between
two fond hearts is ice-crGaul.
An enthusiastic inceting--twc girls who have
not seen each other for an hour.
The Brooklyn bridge begins to think it is
only board bill, because SO many deadbca1s
are jumping it,
Nothing SO much destroys or peace OF mind
as to hear another express an intention of Civ
ing usa piece OF his.
\ Vermont man has invented q sleigh made
Of paper Nothing new about that, We have
used a paper cutter for years.
''Twelve inches make {. foot but foot does
not make twelve inches" said a young lady
looking down 1T her dainty shoes.
In England the population doubles in fifty
years. The American cucumber evidently has
not found it's way over there yet.
"Ees, observed Mrs. Crap, 1--WE kinder got
tired Of zgas and we're going to have the
house lit with cuullcstiDe electric lights
the Sunar-schcol boy was slightly cc1lfused
when hc said: ''Esau was man who wrote
fables, ami sold the copyright for bottle OF
potash
You tullc q baseball ground and cornlald,
side ''y side and the cornield is much the hot
ter. yer he sun shines on both. Curious.
;st': il:
II walked tie floor all nj ght with the tooth
ache said he. 10 which his n1feeiing listen
tr rcplicl: ''You didn't expect to walk the
ceiling with it, did y1u?'
';larc is something to tillnp WITH showing
the bottle across the counter to the editor.
your article is accepted" replied the editor,
%'nnd it will disappear imnedia,ely.'
\ bright little girl who saw three sisters with
hail of rich auburn. remarked 10 her mother;
.'SecuIs to lc, mamma, thar kline! OF hair must
I've rcdhc;lditary III that family
We have 4 good ma.ly rising young men i'll
This country, but somehow you don't notice
chem il, tho crowded hOrsecar unlcs: the
woman who wants to get Oh has more than
an ordinary share OF youth and beauty
1.-The best way to clean chrome, Ethel, is to
lay il 10 soak III tnrpcntinc over night and
then hlag il before an open fire to dry. Hang
it cus.t. Ethel: hang it close. Push one corner
i,ndur the crate Il couple Of inches"
DID you eve; hcac of the way Johnnie thank.
cd hi: papa for taking him to the circus: ''Now:
Johnnit. you had Il nice time this AFTERNOON,
NSoli .h,4< RI
eoy to papa for taking your ''L-l-lcts 60
again, pa
1.-The poet is born, sir" said man, ha,1ght-
5ly. rs he received a roll OF manuscript from
ih. editor, with a shake Of the head
.>Oh. is hc?" replied the editor, With 81 pleas
ant smile ''Well, when he gets old enough to
write something, tell him to come and sec me.
Good bye And he resumed his labors.
As the train stopped alta small stntion tue at
tention OF Il citizen was attracted by the yelp-
lug of IT small dog i'll the baggage car.
is the iog mas7?' he asked.
.sMad!' repeated the distracted hngrase
master, as he wipc1 the moisture from his
brow, 40 the dog amt mad, b,2t Al the rest
OF us: ,re.''
"A playwright with a manuscript in his pocket
went through the Belfast riot and was shot at,
but not hurt the bal bein.r unable to go
through rhc mannscript. His tragedy saved
him The missile had not strength enough left
TO go beyond the fourth act
A little fellow Of four years went to q black
smiths to see his fathers horse shod, and was
watching closely the work of shoeing. The
blacksmith began to pare the horses hCof, and
thinking this was wrong, the little boy said:
earnestly: My pa don't want his horse made
any smaller"
How shall head this article about the
Brown divorce case:' inquired the smart re-
porter of the city editor.
'.Puta double head OF it and make ii some
thing sensational.
II see YOU believe in the old saying"
''Whats that
''Why that two heads are better than one.
The smart reporter is open TO evert'lres from
City editors.
Mother, Are you going to take Robby to the
circus this afternoon"
Father-"No. these circuscs are all nonsense.
He viii be better OFF for not going.
Mother--"The poor little fellow will be disap-
pointed. But what makes you SO late to dinner,
dcar?'
Father-'I have been down at the depot
Watching them take the elephants Off the
train.
4 telegraph operator in Milwaukee was one
day trying to call mp an Office in y small town
in hcinterior OF The State, where the instrument
was presided overt by a woma,l
He WAS about giving up in despair when the
operator III another small town a few miles dis
tant from the first licked out the query:
''What in heavens na,ne dc you want.
II want Miss Brown ST Burgv!lle.' replied
the Milwaukee, man. 81 have been trying to
get her for the last half hour
s.rhat's nothing, came the reply. There is
q young fellow clerSing i'll 8 dry goods store
there who has been trying to get her for the
last three years and has not succeeded yet.
Do not get discouraged"