The Irish standard., 1886-11-06
STANDARD" BREVITIES.


settled before Thanksgiving day.
Another elopement has sprung iron
church choir rehearsals. The iadle
can't be too careful about chants &C
quaintances.
The man who would write q thorough
ly English novel and lay the scenes IL
New York would make his everlasting
fortune.
.sI know what the nights of labo
are.'' said the mother of six boys as slit
sat down to repair pile Of trousers ane
jackets.
Men who cannot imagine what al
earthquake shock is like can form
slight opinion by treading on the tra1
of quick tempered woman.
Virgins says he had something te
do With the earthquake People re-
gret 5hat the earthquake didn't have
something to do with him.
A young fisherman has just landed s
specklel beauty, SO he writes We imag'
inc from the tone OF his letter that NJ
has married frecklea girl.
Cur Yankee soldiers could not cap.
ture Charlestown before the war, but
they have done it now. It is city that
had to be shaken before taken.
a young man on South Ninth
street has fitted up an accordion to rul
by steam, end his neighbors are nov
collecting dynamite fund for his bene-
it.
A gentleman enters a drug store and
winks Mt one Of the clerks several times
'<I beg pardon, ''tsaidttte clerk, f'I'm
somewhat new at this business. Would
you please repeat it?''
Another accident from misplaced
switch. The ''switch" was placed OH q
chair with the points of several hairpins
pointing upward. t'The cries Of the
wounded were agonizing to listen to-
Professor Atwater is to write series
OF articles On the "Food Question" for
The Century Magazine, Il there's any
thing in g, name, the professor should
he more at home in writing on the drink
Gnestiou.
Things One Would Rather Have Left
Tnsaid--Sshe: "Aud you are really bet
ter professor, since you came to live i'll
Hampstead?" He: "Oh; yes, a different
man altogether She; "How pleased
all your friends will be''
'tsVhere baye you been all the morn
ing?" inquired merchant Of one OF his
travelling men. s<Been shaking for The
cigars with n1y brother" ooh! Who
got stuck?" 81 idevery time. I never
before realized the force Of the express~
ION 'sticketh closer than brother.' +"
A Pittsbarg man advertised for o. cock
and received this note from citizen Of
Allegheny; 'Dear Sir: have seen your
advertisement for cook for three days
in the papers. When you get what yon
want, please send the rest OF the girls to
me. as j. don't care 10 advertise. !"
An editor Oh 3 Kentucky paper lately
sat down to play draw poker, and kept
at it until he lost all bis money, and
then began to stake his clothes. When
he concluded to go to his office, he
skipped through the streets at fearful
pace His next editorial was or
"Nude Departure.
A Pittsburger has taken out patent
Tor machine to crimp -four bags We
are glad to see q taste OF art spreading.
Flour bags have been entirely too
plain, Now they will look gay crimped
ard after while perhaps they could be
cut bias or shirred down the front or
otherwise beautiiied.
Arizona Joe, an alleged actor, who is
playing al engagement at Louisville
theatre, will have cause to remember
his visit there. He was attacked and
severely bitten by bulldog while TAX
ing an evening walk yesterday. No
anne is attached to the dog; he simply
aw big ham before him aad naturally
reached forit.
Whether early rising promotes long
e is problenstical, but certainly late
hours shorten it. No one should re-
quire 10 be walked regularly. There is
something wrong if man has to be
aroused day after Gay for weeks +ogeth-
and told that he has ':slept enough
as he is invariably told, III the face Of
he positive evidence to the contrary,
at he would sleep longer if left alone.
A young man in this city made up his
mind to be Journalist and the editor
sent him to report . lecture. The, journ-