The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-25
HUMOR.

A COUNTER march-a shopwalker's
beat.
THE original land league - three
miles.
BURNING out the oil makes the lamp
lighter.
"YoU don't know DIR. A? Why, it
was he who Just passed US What
that man? He looks like a corpse
"Well, yes. 1 always take him for one
of his patients. French Fun.
Judge.-"Have you anything to say
before the court passes sentence upon
YOU" Prisoner-"Well, all / got to
saw is, hope yer honorll consider the
extreme youth of my lawyer, an let me-
off easy. Puck.
will you walk into my parlor?'
said the spider to the fly. That spider
must have been big fool to want fly
in his parlor, and bigger fool to sup
pose that the fly wouldn't come without
an invitation. Boston Transcript
"Do YOU know that Nigster is so
weak that he can't stand alone :" asked
the Judge. mercy, mol" replied the
Major. "What is the matter with him?'
"Why, / asked him if he could stand
loan Of 50, and he said he couldn't. y
| It'd Bits.
LILY Ito her governessl-"You say,
'Mademoselle, that when / go to beav-
en- / shall be perfectly happyY "Yes,
darling; the good Father will grant
you everything you ask of Him..
Then shall certainly ask Him not to
give me any more governesses. The
Judge.
To THE witness in Criminal Court
Did YOU see the accused fire his re-
volver? 2" ~ es; / saw him shoot. How
far were You from him." When he
fired the first time L was about ten feet
away" And when he fired the second
time 2" "The second time-well, about
a hundred yards. lie Figaro.
any dear" said an editors wife to
her husband, here is a paper with
| department headed 'Woman's Talk.
Why don't you have such department.
in your paper?" Il woald gladly make
such department, my love-" answered
the editor, "but my paper is not large,
and l must have little space in which
to give the news. "-BOSto7l Courier.
MACBETH SIMMONS is never so happy
as when he has got lawsuit on hand.
He is everlastingly suing somebody or
| being sued. Not long since he met his
lawyer, who said "l've got bad news.
The Court OF Appeals has decided
against rs. We haIe lost the case"
Never mind losing that case. I've got
two new ones since 1 saw you last. -
Ieras Sifings.
A. i 49,
Jay GoIld's hat every time the clock
ticks, and you will have some idea Of
his income" This may be a very in
telesting mathematical problem, but
the great obstacle to its successful
demonstration lies in the fact that our
dimes would become exhausted before
Mr.. Gould's hat was half-full. And
this would also give an idea of our in
come. -NoTriStOlC11 Herald.
AT a dinner party last winter the
cool weather had done considerable
duty IN supplying conversation, when
plump, happy-lOoking married young
lady made o remark about cold feet.
Surely, said lady opposite, "Mrs.
-, you are not troubled with cold
feet" Amid an awful pause, she naively
answered: "1es, indeed l am very
much troubled but, then, they are not
my own" Her husband blushed scar
let.
sCHILLERESQUE BALLAD.
A. lover placed golden ring
Upon his lady hand
"Dearosti' he vowed. "my love for thee
Endless till time doth end shall bel
lis like this golden band"
Time fed. The lover faithless proved
No more fond words he spoke
Another pressed his adys hand,
He squeezed too tight one evening and
The golden circlet brokol
"Hn! hal tho maiden cried in scorn,
The ring is like his love
The end has come, and he has gone,
But never mind. the thing Ill pawn,
Twill pay for one new glove"
But lack -a-day her fair intent
1t never came To pass.
Loud laughed old Isaacs when she came.
"Wha-at, geef five tollar for that same p
The ring 3OIs git1ed braSsi
-SOnerUttie Journal
MOVEMENTS of California Pioneers,"
says one of the d&ilies. Yes, they are
moving - moving TO the graveyard,
moving from the ranks to lay their old
bones in the sandhills before the ere
matories get good start. 1t is not
hard to move pioneer, even when he
is seated at the barroom stove and is
deep in a description of how gold was
struck on Murderer's Bar in the spring
OF 90. 1t is not necessary to swing o
club over him to move him, or to ex-
plode bomb under his chair. sol.
Swiggletop, what is yours ?" will bring
him to his feet as quick MS bent pin
under schoolmarm's hustle. - San
Francisco Newsletter.