San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1886-10-19
ELECT1oNEERINa TACTIcs.
How Shrewed Wire-Pullers Work the
Racket in the Suburban District.

How SnreWeQ Wlfe-BullefS "OTh JIG
Racket in the Suburban District.
A gentlemen, who signs himself as
"HOki-POki, )" u local wit, who disclaims
all connection with that "cOOl" fellow,
the hoke poke man, went out on Satur-
day on an election trip and he thus re-
lates his adventures TO LIGHT man:
IL made up my mind to go eleotioneer-
ing and wire pulling, as they all do 1t. l
took the straight ticket, and the crooked
Helotes road. That is the easiest road
for a man to find, for our wise ~ county
commissioners have planted stumps all
along and in the middle OF the road;
therefore whenever you strike stump
you may know that you are in the right
road. When got TO the Huebner settle
ment | snapped of two OF my candl-
dates. Why not? That is the correct
way to electiOneer! then had eighteen
candidates left. Many of those candl-
dates will be considerably more left after
the voters get through with them.
The lives of most of the candidates
have been exposed. and. of course, they
pose as saints In the eyes of the peo-
pie. AS a result, had 10 tell the peo-
pie of the greatness OF my little candl-
date, and | did so in the following
terms:
Gentlemen and balance of the crowd,
(cheers). The candidate who StanGs
near me and so affectiOnately hugs the
beer keg, is a born gentleman, (enthusl-
astlc cheers) and so are his sisters, his
cousins and his aunts (more cheersl. lie
WAS born in the usual way at 10 O'Clock
in the morning, and was then very
young. From the start he behaved like
a man and n gentleman. AT the urgent
solicitiOn of his mother and other mem
bers of the ladies committee. ere Two
hours had passed he drunk Justify at the
bottle, and since then the bottle has
been his dearest friend (Cheers). what
better proof can you have or demand OF
his greatness? He never joined the
Young mems Christian Democratic as
ISOLATION, he had more sense than to be
sold so quickly or so Cheaply. Is not
this a proof of his wisdom? CHEERS
and does it not give him claim for your
uOtes? lie is not One-hOrse farmer, it
is true, but he is a strong friend of their
products, and corn juice especially de-
lights him. More cheers and cries OF
80 do WEI could talk for hours up
on the greatness, wisdom and generosity
of nv friend who seeks your votes, but
have friend here who can speak more
eloquently and forcibly than | can. He
now lives in large stone bottle and his
name is Whiskey. Enthusiastic cheers.)
If you will step round the back way L
will introduce him to you" There was
a general rush 10 the rear. Mr.. Whis-
key was introduced, and his" eloquence
so warmed them that every man was
willing TO pledge himself to my candl-
date and his friend. Mr.. Whisky. |
must confess, however, that the latter
was the most popular OF the two, and If
hn haI candidate
would have been beaten by large ma
jority.
But my eloquence and spiritual influ-
ence had its effect, and ere long
| had snapped off all my candidates ex-
cept the wOuld-be county commissioner
for precinct 4, who got left in the demo-
cratic convention because "dot temo-
cradle convention tidn't wand him some
mores. amt it," | couldn't even give
him away. No one would have him,
although the Freie Presse says that he is
one of the finest.
At Shavano did more electioneering;
| kissed all the babies in the village;
praised the little dsrlings, hut | was
sorry that their mothers did not wipe
their little nosey-posies. Then | gave
their mammas taffy and spoke of the
beauty of the ShayanO women. After
that | supplied the men literally with
beer. The dodge worked and | believe
that my candidate has attained a pOpu-
larlty that will last whilst the beer kegs
hold out.
From my canvass feel safe IN pre-
dieting that "A candidates will be elect
ed and the balance of them will be
elected" to stay at home and grow up
with the country until next election
when they can yield to the solicitation
of friends. who don't want 'em, and new
er asked them, and turn themselves
loose upon innocent and long suffering
people until the political Hades shall
claim its own.