The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-07-22
Conrratulations on Marriare.

Congratulations ON Marriage.
About tho first of March Colorado
editor took two very important steps,
viz: he sold out his paper and took In a
life partner. Perhaps he had to do the
one to carry him triumphantly through
the ceremonies and trip incident to the
latter. Be that as it may, the knot was
tied, and Dicer Swift addressed the
following open letter to him. There is
an originality and freshness in il not
found in any Complete Letter Writer,
and it is safe to say that the fair bride
has pasted it in scrap-book for future
reference:
FRIEND CHARLIE: 1t is with the most
profound sense of JOY that l address
your journalistic hobbs on this glee-
some occasion.
/ learned by yesterdays mail of your
great luck in the capture of winsome,
winning maiden to share your meal
ticket, and free transportation over all
railroads and their leased lines. The
blind goddess of love has swooped
down upon your lonely sanctum, and
partially bereft you of your old-time
freedom. Where the merry popping
of beer-bottle corks and stale chest
nuts was once heard throughout the
silver hours, now the brain repository
is comparatively quiet and measurably
still. The nrt-cracker is broken at
the handle, and the corkscrew is twist
ed out of Shape, and buried in the back
yard
The glad smile that now welcomes
you when you turn in at evenings hal
lowed hour, although it come from but
one pair of lips, is worth twenty per
cent. more than that of the hours of
other Jays, and the grocery bill mocks
the languid pocket-book.
don't know what it is to be married.
Love has never caught onto me frac-
tonally, and sat down on my neck, and
v'olloped me around the cook stove and
up over the flour barrel, but / can en-
ter into your heart and see the internal
workings of your warm affections.
Cupid has at last given you your first
wife, with full set of natural teeth;
she is now the peri of your home cir
Gle, and for many years to come Will
stand the racket of matrimony without
ground feed. She is your one vast
wealth of wife, and you must teach her
to shun the Job press like she would
the deadly chewing-gum, OF some day
she will fit to the limitless hence.
Marriage, however, is the aim of all
mankind; it is also the aim of woman
kind. We can not live, always on the
catch-as- catch-can plan, and be happy.
We are born into this world without
our knowledge or consent, and we Jump
into matrimony like a fireman rushing
to burning brewery or female SEM
mary.
To-day you rejoice that you still live,
and your humble home bowls with
mirth and music. You have brought a
wife to your fireside to gladden. your
declining years, and make life interest
ing to you.
Now, to be sure, some of your old
mashes are stricken, and they feel as
one who don't care whether the next
circus stops at Canon or not; but that
will soon pass away and the sun will
once more light up their pathway.
When the spring roundup comes along
some pleasant sunny day, it will bring
to them some millionaire, in leather
pants with the seat cut out, who will
far surpass and everlastingly lay over
poor plodding molder of public
opinion.
In closing, 1 desire to express my
hope that ere this letter has reached
you the first quarter of your honeymoon
has passed. end that you are beginning
to take your meals at regular intervals.
Give my love to your bride when you
have leisure, and believe me to be al
ways your solid pard and co-celebrator
in any event of this kind which may
ever occur to you in the hereafter.
Should rime-nippled subscription
list ever knock your paper galleywest,
and throw a shadow over your home,
do not hesitate to draw on me for what
genuine grief and sympathy you need
to carry YOU through.
Yours with sob in one hand and a
smoker in the other. DICER SWIFT.
p. 5. Please send me about five ex-
ira copies of this weeks paper, not
necessarily to put under carpets, but to
show good faith, and to help my best
girl reconstruct her hustle. DICER.