The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1886-12-25
.sEEEGED SFEUOR.

"Pa, DO pro and con mean oppo-
site things?" "Yes, son" rs that
the reason why they speak OF pro
gress' and Congress p" ''N-n.n-yes,
| son.-Chicago News
ELLA WHEELER WILCOX says IN a
recent poem: "Mine eyes are quick to
catch the first dim radiance Of the
dawn" This seems to indicate that
Mr.. Wilcox won't kindle the fire in the
morning unless he is spoken to-
Hatchet.
"DoEs your husband believe in So
cialism, Mrs. Grab ?" asked Mrs.
Tattle. "No; / should Say he didn't.
Why, if you'll believe me, ] can hard
ly get him to comeinto the parlor when
any of the neighbors call. New
Haven News.
"AIN'T you ahttle dear ?'' said Jones
to the young lady behind the counter
who had Just told him the price of 81
pair OF gloves. II presume So" re-
sponded the young lady, coyly; cat
least all my gentlemen acquaintance
tell me so. ."-Pittsburg DIsps tch
A YOUNG man who had kindly con
sented to stop at dry goods store
for his sister said to the youngwoman
behind the counter, and hesaid it very
mildly: "Have you corsets ? " 8. Yes,
sir" replied the unmoved young WON
an, "what size do you wear"
He came in very late, and while
cropping around in the dark delivered
himself OF the following: "(Hic}-i
(hic)-'! (hic)-l!n' "Are you ad-
dressing such language to me, sir?"
demanded his wife from under the bed
clothes. "No, M dear" he said, al
wash speakin' t. th' coal-scuttle."
A SCIENTIST says that woman who
weighs 100 pounds here would weigh
2,700 pounds if on the surface OF the
sun. But not one woman In a thou
sand will start on a Journey to the
gun in order TO increase her weight.
Now, if it were the moonit would be diff
ferent. There is man in that orb
-NorristOwn Herald.
SOME newspaper man, who has been
prying with ghoulish glee into the
private affairs at the White House,
says that "Mrs. Cleveland always
dresses quietly for the theater." There
is great advantage in dressing quiet
ly. There is no other occasion when
il is so essential to be able to hear q
pin drop.-ClevelaHd Union.
WIFE (returning home) -"What
made you put the children TO bed so
soon?" Because they disturbed me
in my writing, dear" "And did they
allow you TO undress them quietly ?"
"No; that one in the corner screamed
dreadfully" Wife-"0ne in the coz
ner? (Goes and peeps) Why, bless
me, that's Freddy Semidt from next
door"
FIRST Omaha man-"Have any sue
cess on your hunting expedition ?"
Second Omaha man-'Yes, consider
ing the weather, did admirably. By
the way, you remember Simpkins, the
poet; he lives near where | was and ]
called on him" "Well Well Did
he read you any OF his poetry" so,
no | had my ggn along. g."-Omaha
World.
EDITH-'I was so shocked last night.
| don't believe | will see George if he
calls this evening" Maud" What
did hedo?" Edith" Why, last even
ing he suddenly took hold OF me,
twisted me around into his arms, and
forcibly kissed me q dozen times. |
don't believe your little Willie ever in
suits you that way, does he?" Maud
-"No; he's q regular gump."-Ex-
change.
For strict and profound accuracy
We must specially commend the Phila-
delphia, Press, which declares In its
issue Of the 22d ult: "The announce
ment that Charles Francis Adams,
Sr., is dead will be a reminder to the
country that until yesterday he still
lived" The fact that q man con-
tinues to exist up to the day of his
death is certainly not to be disputed
on any account.
4 SHARP young man has been swind-
ling the shoe-dealers OF East Green
wich, n. Y, by selling them what
seemed to be a remarkably fine article
OF shoe polish, for which he asked rs
per cent. more than the price for the
ordinary French polish. After he de-
livered the goods and received the
money it was discovered that each
bottle contained about two table
spoonfuls Of the polish Oh top OF saw
dust and glue.
HARRY has proposed and been ac-
cepted They were billing and cooling
the other evening, when suddenly she
raised her head and with suspicion
OF fire in her eye remarked as she
picked hair off his coat: 81 thought
you said you would be very econom-
icsl if would promiseto marry you ?"
"And so 1 did, my darling. Why"
because, if you want to marry me
you can't afford to wear golden hair
on your coat-collar. The jet article
like mine ought to be good enough ii
you are really trying to be economic
al How he ever explained the mat
ter Harry doesn't tell, but he is very
careful about brushing his cost wnen
he calls On her now.