The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1886-11-07
ALL SORTS OF ITEMS

4 The old chaps who wore Srmor were Ii,
hrst mail carrers.-Boston BaEsti o.
The professor OF a swimming school i.
very properly a doctor Of dive in ity.-
Hartford Journal.
i printer never wants to have h;
fingers in another mans pie.-BOstoI
BsiiistH.
The TACT that man has not cut hi
naiT for ten or twelve years need no
necessarily imply that he Is eccentric
he NAV be b1id.-Peoria CaH.
We don't wish 70 deter any body from
being polte. but We can't help observing
that many a man has been q heay !
loser through civil actJn.-BOs; OI
Posi-.
A news item states tina; "a girl ia Wis
consin has lived tifty-thTee days on air.
she must have married labor agitatOr
and Is unable 10 earn her own living Ii
i lucky for her that she can live on air
The Philadelphia Neas praises the
average newspaper. A paper that does
that IS very original. Ii will presently
give Us an essay on the advantages Oi
cerebro-spinal eningitIs.-The Judge
a minister. not long ago preached
from the text: BE ye. therefore stead
fast But the printer made them
eXy0uno from Be ) e there for break
iasr.'
a man in Georgia has married a
woman who mas no nose. He Is perhaps
& wise man, and was led 20 the alliance
because ne knew il he went out with the
boys az night his wife could not smell
his breath when ne came hOme.-N. u.
States.
: lady called on a local dentist the
other day for professional service, and
rs the gentleman of the forceDs ex-
amineo her mouth he askek If she
wanted the tooth extracted. No, >" said
she ,emphatcally, 4 want II pulled out. {"
Springfield Union.
= female Of an uncertain age was
asked oy a census taker: How old are
you. madsme?" Thirty years" she
replied. That's what you told me last
census, ten years ago." Well, I'm not
one OF the kind OF women who tell one
story one time ana another story
anoIher.-SiftiRgS. .N|
Mrs. Al see that they have a Rus
sian drosky in Central PARK, New
York" Mrs. B.-"Haye they, indeed?
But l wasn't aware that droskies were
used in Russia. 1 thought they were
confined exclusively TO VenIce-dear
Venice-where We used 10 sail in them
for hours at time. Ii was so roman
Iic!'-Boston Transcript.
Charles CaughIin. OF Philadelphia, had
IS 200 stolen from him. A neighbOring
woman dreamed that it was hidden
away in 8 hay-loft, and she climbed up
and found all but 81 600 in 3 handker-
chief. She was at once arrested for not
a "a mi ~ har hal ~
search OF her house brought the mis-
sing sum to light.-Detroit free-PTeSs.
The oprietor Of Chicago boarding
house told new servant, Just from the
old country. to crack some hickory nuts
for the boarders. An hour later the
girl, very red in the face, with ten moist
and weli-shattered nuts on a plate,
fiounced into her mistress room, and
said with earnestness: IF yez think,
mum, Ohm going to crack all thin nuts
ye are MISTAKEN. on lave this place
first. Oh nearly broke me teeth splitting
THIN tin. and OH crack no more"
a "Nikado" Trio.
LIy LGH0try. Violet Cameron, Kay Forteseus.
The Three: Three little maids from Eng
land, we,
theeky as actresses can be.
Trying 70 capture fortunes three,
Three little maids no fools.
Lily; Everything is q source of cash.
Violet: Each one is aided by d mash.
Nay: Nothing our nerve can e'er abash.
The Three: Three little maids no fools
Three little maidens merceuary.
Worked by n scandal temporary,
Talent is quite subsidiary,
Three little maids no fools
Lily: One little maid has q New York
dude.
ViOLet z. Two little maids who their lords
Obtrude.
Nay: Three little maids all OF talent
crude.
The Three: The three little maids no fools
Nay: One little maid won big bank
book.
Lily; Two little maids have their hus-
bands shook
Volt; Three little maids come your cash
20 hook
The Three: Three little maids no fools
Three little maidens mercen-
AIRY, etc.-Chicsgo Rambler.