davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset reporter., 1886-07-07
2.sG class; purse $50; divided.

Saturday evening the Methodist society
Madison. held an informal reception and
soCiahlc for the benefit of their pastor,
Rev. A. T.. parln and bride. Mr. t. J.
Goodspccd kindly rendering them MS new
house, vet unoccupied, for the occasion
a heavy thunder shower early IN the even.
ing hindered many from attending, yet,
notwithstanding the rain, a goodlv num-
Der assembled. Ice cream and cake were
served. presentation of the bride was in
order, and music and sociablity made ny
II delightful evening, The proceeds of
the entertainment, thirty dollars in cash
together with some useful household ar.
ticlcs which were contributed VIII 20 tC
the pastor as a wedding gift.
The Boston Hrdti says that j. :. Mar
tin shin1l Ia manufacturer, st. Adams has
i.cd.
The Somerset reporter., 1886-07-07

REV. !, NJ. DERBY, OF Linden, n. y, says
The Gilmore Aromatic Wine proved a gre a
Cushing
REV. DIR. FREELAND, OF Fowlerville, MY
writes Ms that tro bottics Of Giinlore's Arom1iti
va ne cured his uDe OF nervousness and sleep
iessness
MPOTENCY IN NAN OR WOMAN quickly
cured by Gilmore's Aromatic Wine
GlLMORE'S AROMATIC WINE il the grea
remedy for women and children. - doses al 0
For sale by Hornti0 ". Gushing.
The Somerset reporter., 1886-07-07

Whom Baby WA aioh, we gave her CaAtoria,
When she wAs . Child, she cried for CAstoriA
When she became Ass she chung to Castoria,
Whsn abe had Children, ahs gave them CsstoriA,
The Somerset reporter., 1886-07-07

will be your portion. Sanford Phi6r1ok. So.
button Street, Bangor, was given up to die.
lie had Consumption. Doctor, said he could
not live. Was given bottle Of Broau', sarsa-
parilla, and by its continued use WI, cured.
Mr.. Phllbrook was four year, WITH Mes,rs.
Files < Jones, and also III the employ II tie NJ.
c. X. H., and hundreds know tn. rase to be
genuine. Mr.. Briggs, County Commissioner,
Penobseot Co., said he threw away over one
hundred empty bottles that had contained sari-
Gus kinds Of patent medicines that his wife had
taken. Three bottles Of Browns Sarsaparia
gave her better health than She had experienced
for Years.
The Somerset reporter., 1886-07-07

RALE'S HONEY is the best Cough Cure. 25 soe., 81
| GLENh's SULPHUR SOAP heals and beauties, &c
| GERMAN CORN REMOVER kills Corns & Bunion,, 25e
HILLS HAIR WHISPER DYE-Black & Brown, tOc
PIXIES TooTHAcHE DROPS cure in Minute, Csc
DEANS RHEUMATIC PILLS are sure cure, zoe
The Somerset reporter., 1886-07-07

"lla,e bad severe kidney Disease. Have
spent large sums Of money. Messrs Jordan 4
1ibbetts, Of Stctson, advised Br9tel's Sarsapa
rAa. 1t cured me. am grateful 10 You for
preparing such wonderful remedy
"JEssE HARbtN.
"Refer to l. W. Tibbetts, NJ. b., stctson."
The Somerset reporter., 1886-07-07

Frank Goliath, Exeter, Me- bought Brown
Sarsaparilla. Had little faith. Now SAYS it has
done miracles. Had spent hundreds Of dollars
without obtaining help, before buying
The Somerset reporter., 1886-07-07

"Will it do no harm;' This is the
queSti often asked, and the answer is,
1t can not for nr, Bulls Baby Syrup is
an innocent remedy, warranted To con
tam neither Opium, Morphia, or anything
ininrions. Price 81 cents bottle.
The Somerset reporter., 1886-07-07

My wite Mrs. Susie NJ. k"ily. having deserted
my home aud Children without just cause, |
hereby warn al parties against harboring OF
trusting her on my accouutas shall pay none
of her debts HENRY A. KELLEY.
Boston. Mass, June 2sth, 1886. Sw2,'
The Somerset reporter., 1886-07-07

SCHOOL The comedy School in Co
burn Hall Monday evening under the au-
spices of the UnivcrSaist society of this
village, drew Il fair sized audience, and
those who did not attend missed very
pleasing entertainment, The young peo-
pie who have worked so industriously to
make the presentation success are de-
serving of praise and were deserving of a
larger audience. The parts were all well
rendered and some of the acting was ex-
ceptionally good The music by our To-
cal orchestra of ten pieces under the di-
rectiOn of Edward Fuller, Esq, with Miss
Ella Hight as pianist, was highly accept
able to the audience and received numer-
Gus demonstrations o. appreciation
The Somerset reporter., 1886-07-07

FRENCH AMERICAN Clocks, all
BASKETS
CASrORS Ladies Gents GoLn SILVER
CHARMS
OPTHALMOSCOrE CLASSES TELE
SCOPES. MICROSCOPES, READING GLASSES.
The Somerset reporter., 1886-07-07

BIack JtTseN VIoI1>. % I0en,.------.
Reyer>ibleS Amas, Ottomans Cl>hmeres. &c, &c. il
-at Prices Lower than the Lowest
Canvass Cloths. Basket Cloths, Homespln> DlaEo
shades. at - per cent. lower prices than sal
have been SellIn. Al all This spring
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
The Story Of Uncle Billy.

A newspaper correspondent says: "My
father married Uncle Billy's niece, and
when father went there Uncle Billy used
to request him to rea the Scriptures,
and would put into his hand an old
King James Bible with very small PRINT
and a leather cover, on which Uncle
Billy used sometimes to strop his razor.
My father said to him, you ought to
have better Bible Uncle Billy SAID
they got as much out of that as they
practiced. Father told him they were
publishing q book in numbers at that
time, and he ought to have it Uncle
Billy replied that it was too much to pay
for book, the money would buy a yoke
of oxen or two COWS. He asked If it
would contain the Apocrypha. Father
told him he would pay for the sheets
and have them bound, and he could
haul wood to Portland to pay for it.
''Uncle Billy said he cared nothing
for the wood, and be would do it. He
loaded up his team one day and started,
but on the way he met with an accident
to the team, and exclaimed, Darn the
Bible, Apocrypha and ALL Instantly
struck with horror, he fell upon his
knees in the snow, repeated the Lords
prayer, unhitched the cattle, and went
home. The next morning he had
church meeting called, and wanted them
to turn him out. He said such thing
never happened before he supposed the
suddenness of it jumped it out of him.
He never intended to repeat it, and he
had confessed his fault and asked for
giveness for the same; but if it hadn't
been in him it couldn't have jumped
out, and it stood to reason that a man
with such wickedness in him ought not
to be church member, and they ought
to turn him out, but they wouldn't.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
A Struggle for Principle.

A rainy day had housed us up in the
O'Clock in the morning a man who was
addressed by our host as Uncle Billy
came riding up through the steady pour
on mule The animal was placed in
the stable, and as the two men entered
the house our host observed:
"Well, Uncle Billy, how'll you trade
mules?"
''oh, bout $3 tew boot" was the
answer.
They returned to the stables and
talked until noon. Then we had din
ner, and they talked until 4 o'clock.
The rain let up bit then and we went
out to see cave, leaving them talking
mule. We returned at and they were
still at it. We had supper, and the
interrupted conversation was resumed
and kept up until 8 O'Clock. We went
off to bed with Uncle Billy saying;
Tell ye what I'll dew. I'll trade
fur $3 tew boot"
1t thundered about midnight, and l
woke up and heard that mule talk still
going. At 6 o'clock l got up. Uncle
Billy was Just riding away.
"Well, how did you come out?" l
asked of our host.
''Beat him down to So and three
bits, he replied.
80 you saved two shillingsH"
EXACTLY, though | wasn't working
for that. 1t was the principle of the
thing which l looked at. - Detroit Free
Press.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01

The English divers and Captain r. F.
Stevens, Lloyd's surveyor, have just re-
turned from the island of Grand Ca.
nary after raising a sum of no less than
500. 600. This amount was lying sub
merged 1913 feet deep about a mile from
the southernmost limit of the island
Grand Canary. The treasure went down
about two years ago in a brand new
Spanish steamer called the Alphonso XII.
The steamer had on board 800, coo
worth of Spanish dollars on their way
to Cuba. The insurance on the money
was effected at Lloyd's and was paid
over to the insurers after the vessel
foundered.
After a lapse of over year Captain r.
F. Stevens and three English divers were
sent out to Grand Canary to try and re-
cover the sunkcn treasure. They sue
ceeded in bringing up nine boxes con-
tanning specie of the value Of so, ,000
each, but the tenth could not bo
found and the divers had to come away
without it. The money was in the mail
-oom. almost at the bottom of the ship.
The decks had to be forced by explo
ion. and when the mail room was
cached the plucky divers had to haul
he boxes from one deck to the other
until the top deck of the vesse. wa
reached. The wreck lay on ridge OF
rock. and one Of the fears entertained
before the explosion was effected was
that the force might precipitate the YES
sci to almost fathomless depths For
tunately the fear was not realized, but
the explosion sent to the surface thousands
of dead tish.-PaU MAJ Goeette
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
The Typical Southern Zoua1e.

When the war broke out the masses
of the people on both sides of the Po-
tomac knew very little about each other
They did not travel, mix and mingle-
The stay-at- home Southerner took a
partisan and sectional view of the
South.
We believed that the typical North
erner was tall, hatchet- faced, blue
eyed and light haired. 1t tsok a long
time to convince us that the North was
mainly made up of brunettes, while the
South was the home of the blonds.
When the Louisiana Tiger Zouaves
came through here about the first of the
war they were critically examined. One
of our citizens picked out a chunky,
swarthy, black haired zouave and re-
marked to a crowd:
There is a specimen of the pure
Southern type, There is no mistaking
it any where Such man could not be
born under Northern Skies He is either
Creole of Louisiana, a Spaniard,
Frenchman or a Greek. l will settle
the matter right now"
Walking up to the soldier he opened
conversation with him, and finally
asked him to name the State of his
birth.
"Well," said the zouave hesitatingly,
"I don't know that it makes any differ
ence, but it may surprise you little.
was born in the State of Maine"
There was painful pause in the con-
versation for a moment, and then our
Atlanta man asked:
"Well, how in the blazes do you hap
pen to belong to this crowd?"
"Oh, that's all right, was the an
swer. 'You see I'm sailor. I was
paid off in New Orleans about a month
before the war opened I frolicked
around until my money was all gone,
and when | came to my senses the
trouble had begun. Well, [ wanted to
see some fun. and, as these boys were
good fellows, joined them"
The disappointed citizen could not
resist the temptation to fire parting
shot.
"Perhaps," said he, "you did not
much care which flag you fought un-
der?"
'Me? No." was the prompt re-
sponse.
1t is needless to say that this zouave,
who looked so typically Southern, was
forthwith dropped like hot potato
atlanta, Ga, Con 'titutiOR.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
IN CONFIDENCE,
(spruce Street, Philadelphia, Loquitur)

ANAAodoipnla, LoQultur.l
You ask about Walters engagement,
vi course we don't like it, my dear,
Although she is awfully pretty,
ana worth twenty thousand year.
DER great-grandpapa was butcher.
VT sosp-man-I don't quite know which;
but In the last three generations
Ihey've grown to be stunningly rich.
1heyve palace way out on North Broat
Street,
magnlheent ins de and out:
If money could purchase a roc's 900
They'd have one, haven't a donbt
"nere was 1t he met her? In Europe.
IL couldn't have happened at home,
You know that wrote You last summer
He "a led on the City of Rome.
1t seems that they travelled together,
And when they came back in the fall
The mischief was done past preventing,
Twas terrible shock to us all.
Her trossesu's from Paris, and gorgeous;
almost too much SO, for my taste.
Ihe clasps to her garters are diamonds;
cannot approve of such waste.
Shes to have new house on West Walnut
drandly furnished from attic to hall;
VI course, If they stayed on North Broad
Street,
We couldn't ask people to call.
AS 1t Is, though, no doubt we can float her
We're all on The Book, you know, dear
ana when once she is in The Assembly,
She'll make her own way, don't fear.
And Walter is perfectly happy.
grant she is charming and yet
It's terribly hard to forgive him
For marrying out of our set.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
CELEBRATED CIGARS.

Ponsonby-Try one of these cigars,
Bagley-the celebrated Mackerel brand.
Bagley (after brief intervaD Did
you say these cigars were celebrated
Ponsonby-Certainly.
Bagley (decidedlyl-I think they are
bad.
Ponsonby (coolly}-That's what they
are celebrated for.-Philadelphja Call.
ON EXCELLENT TERMS.
eyes" said barber to his customer,
'T'm an Italian count. My father is the
Duke Baricelli MuscalIonge Garibaldi
del Plaza I'm his only son"
''Aren't you and your father on good
terms E" asked the customer.
"Oh, yes. In fact, l send the old
gentleman 50 every week out of my
wages"
REQUIRING HEROIC TREATMENT.
Physician with his ear to patient
chest)-There is curious swell ng over
the region OF tl,e Lear+ Sir. which must
be reduced at once.
Patient (anxiouslyl That Swelling
is my pocketbook, doctor. Please don't
reduce it too much.
PUNISHMENT BEFORE CONVICTION.
When Herr Most, the eminent An
archist, was conducted to the TOmbs,
he was told that he would have to take
bath.
"What !" shouted the frenzied and in
dignant beer destroyer, "a bath, and
I've not even been tried yet ~
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
"WHAT station do you call this e.
asked man, as he crawled out of the
ruins of car, after a recent railroad aC-
cident. 'Devastation, sir, replied his
fellow passengers in chorus.
He was practical, and had been max
ing love on that basis. She was little
that way herself. "Can you cook ~ he
inquired. "Can you supply anything
to be cooked ?" she replied. 1t was a
match.
"PAPA, if three wheels is a tricycle.,
and two wheels is bicycle, what is one
wheel 2" cone wheel, my son Well,
let me see! One wheel must be uni
cycle" " "No, it amt papa, it's wheel
barrowr
Il SEE they are trying to put a stop
" ali DCGlllS III NC" IOIh III ltI
of it. Betting is pernicious practice.
hope they will stop it." "But they
can't do it, Cant do it! I'll bet you
$50 they can"
"CAN you mount by means of the
pedals p we asked of an amateur bicyc-
list recently. No." was the reply. 81
mount from behind" GLOW do you
get off the machine 2" Casually in
front. 1 have good many ways of
leaving the machine, but getting off in
front is the most direct way"
AT THE CIRCUs.-De Baggs: Hello.
[ didn't expect to see you here. De
Kaggs: 1 really care nothing for this
sort of thing, but my children enjoy it so
much. Dc Baggs: Where are the chill
dren l don't see them De Kages:
They are at home, the little dears
Wouldn't be safe to bring them IN such
a crowd. When I go home will tell
them about the performance.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
A Suicidal Plunge to Death.

Jacob Bolander, once a well-to-do
farmer of Akron, Ohio, by series OF
misfortunes lost his money and by tho
death of near relatives was compelled
to go to the Poor House. He was not
able to do hard work, and frequently
remarked to the Matron that he was
getting more food and better care than
he earned, and finally refused to eat
and settled into confirmed melancholy.
A few mornings ago he was dragged to
the dining room and was prevailed upon
to take nourishment. After dinner he
made his way to an upper story, fifty
feet from the ground, and, after taking
off his coat and boots, plunged head
long down. His skull was horribly
crushed and death was instantaneous.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01

THE Gazette of Reno, New, says that
in that country wagon tires wear in a
curious way. If used much on stony
road they wear rounding; on clay, fiat,
and in the sand, concave. Tires much
used in the Honey Lake Valley wear in
grooves. There will be a ridge in the
centre of the tire and groove on each
side, with the edge as high as the cen
tire ridge.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
The Following is Partial List OF my
OFFERINGS OF REAL ESTATE :

dwelling barns sheds etc. suitably d.
age pasture timber apple orchard; running
formerly part
within onehrd nI soil
gsrded selling Will sell
500 per year.
buildings good water good so p. aso
down. balance so year.
village laborng man
wishes vegetables price s5Oo15 down
balance per year.
Dwelling village good buildings new
good size; price 300 down. per year.
of village choice desirable
acre b,
VIII sell part o all
Several Good Building Hyde village enterpraing
young dollars
timber lumber sne shingle
and allow
payments parcels
those who want land with
Price lots s76 500, $125 and $3.50 each.
One village Store"
Block rented for five at two hundred dollars but
probably
$1,000 $500 down. balance 800
Sixty lin Johnson
subject viii sell
for 1925 lot informed that it is within two miles
desiring logging job
dollars NJ sumpags reserved until paid
acres lying
mill which supplies the Haskns mill Hyde Park Price $500
Two dollars till lot
paid
One Building tin Mass. of
Fschbug Price sOoOo
per yesx.
believe that have placed vau
good but determined
close myself earliest practicable
desiring investments will find this property well worth
either the parcels real
confidently CHEAP Of the above
described
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01

My Calf Skin Business is absorbing my capital time and
attention. and having decided to close out all of my other
branches of business we'll my miscellaneous personal
property and real estate offer for sale all the land own
except that occupied my business and my dwelling and will
dispose of at very low figures and easy terms
payment
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01

BASE BALL BALLARD.
This is the
ball, 50 round and
hard, made smooth and nice
by coats of Iard-or ''Oleo' or
butterine, or anything to max
1t rhyme - which causes sport i n
sum mer time. And oft it makes h 9
ca C her scowl when from III bat
he get foul, and then we che er, and
every time we lake beer Cor glass of
pop op- ponents sneer. And VIII en- a iyis
ha Id and scrapes the sky, tis then
we ye the runner scores, the da y is saved
the vist'y's won-tl,e battle bra we'd. Alas
d pants now worn half-mast. when win
ter come 9, with mask of white viii then
- be soak d for beer at night and base ball
nenu -now thick they are!--wi then
have jobs at tendr bar, while on the
slat 3 they'll keep ascore "put ou 8"
an d "assiSts" ont the door; the
umpire, too, will disapp'r to
rule again another year. And
when spring comes in 1S8--,
they'll all turn up at
the home plate.
-HO0d01rc C1y1
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01

A CARSON CRY Indian, whose squaw
would not give him money with which
to play poker, killed himself by eating
wild parsnips.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01

A WOMAN isn't fit to have baby who
doesn't know how to hold it, and this is
as true of a tongue as of baby.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
THE J0KERS BUDGET.
LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
THE LEISURE HOURS.

Ierms-An Anxions Hour-A Base Ball
Ballad-The National Game, Etc.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
SOUND ADVICE,

Papa" said very young woman,
when young gentleman throws a kiss
to young lady what should she do ?"
"Muf it, " replied the old man.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
CARROLL S. PAGE

Hyde Park. Vt, Feb 2, 1885,
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01

Three gentlemen went together into
Philadelphia restaurant and gave their
order. Presently they changed their
minds, and one of them said to the
waiter: 81 say, waiter, we three ordered
CLANS a while ago, didn't we2 Well,
we have changed our minds. Instead
OF CLAIMS bring us three chops" The
waiter said all right, " and then loudly
called to the cook: "Three chops for
three clans !"- TeraS Sjffi1ne
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
THE NATIONAL GAME.

Young Man Cto dealer in sporting
goodsl--Have you base ball suits
Dealer--Oh, yes, sir. 1 can furnish
you with anything you like in that line.
Young MAXWELL, you can get me
up suit made of chilled steel with lit
tie sharp-pointed spikes sticking out all
over it.
Dealer-But my dear sir, you couldn't
play ball in such suit as that
Young man-Oh, I'm not a player;
I'm an umpire.-N Y SIN.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
EXCESSIVE EXERCISE.

''The dairy cow" remarks the Agri-
culturist, requires very little exercise. "
Summer boarders will please bear this
in mind and stay out of the pasture.
There is no doubt that MANY a good
dairy COW has been ruined by having so
much of her time occupied in assisting
summer boarders over the pasture fence.
Even the strongest COW feels faint and
languid after pitching fat woman on
to the top of a passing load of hay
Brooklyn Eagle.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01
AN ANXIOUS HOUR.

He had been out for days fishing, and
as he proudly displayed the contents of
his basket to his wife, she exclaimed:
ooh; John, aren't they beauties But
I've been so anxious for the past hour,
dear"
''Foolish little one !" said John, caress-
ingly; why, what could have hap
pened to me ?'
"Oh, l didn't worry about you, love
but it grew so late I was afraid that be-
fore you got back to town the fish mar
kets would all be closed"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-07-01

better change your seat to the end
while 1 sop it up
"' oh, don't mind. I'm not hungry
and shall eat but a few mouthfuls any
way, l forgot to tell you that l pre-
ferred water to coffee
q { D,,+ .-r,,t1