The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-05-20
A RUDE AWAKENING


is great boon. Sleep, if natural and
undisturbed, is surely as useful as sny
other scientific discovery. Sleep,
whether administered at home OF
abroad, under the soporific influences OF
an underpaid preacher or the unyielding
wooden cellar door that is used as a
blanket in the sleeping car, is harm
less dissipation and a cheerful relaxa-
ton.
Let me study man for the first hour
after he has wakened and l will Judge
him more correctly than / would to
watch him an winter in the Legislature.
We think we are pretty well acquainted
with our friends, but we are not thor
| oughly conversant with their peculiari-
| ties until we have seen them wake up in
the morning.
| have often looked at the men | meet
and thought what shock it must be to
the wives of some of them to wake up
+, and see their husbands before they have
had time to prepare, and while their
minds are still chaotic.
The first glimpse of a large, fat man,
whose brain has dropped down behind
his ears, and whose wheezy breath
| WdudCiS dIOullo lIIC CdlatCOIlOo
of his head and then emerges from his
nostrils with a shrill snort like the yelp
of the damned, must be a charming
picture for the eye of delicate and
beautiful second wife; one who loves to
look on green meadows and glorious
landscapes; one who has always waken-
ed with song and ripple of laughter
that fell on her fathers heart like a
shower of sunshine in the sombre green
of the valley.
1t is a pet theory of mine that to be
pleasantly wakened is half the battle
for the day. If we could be wakened
by the refrain of joyous song, instead
of having our front teeth knocked out
by one of those patent pillow-sham
holders that sit up on their hind feet at
the head of the bed, until we dream
that we are just about to enter Paradise
and have Just passed our competitive
examination. and which then swoop
down and mash us across the bridge of
the nose, there would be less insanity in
our land and death would be regarded
more in the light of a calamity.
When you waken child do it in a
pleasant way. Do not take him by the
ear and pull him out of bed 1t is dis
agreeable for the child, and Injuries the
general tout ensemble of the ear. Where
children go to sleep with tears on their
cheeks and are wakened by the yowl of
dyspeptic parents they have pretty
| good excuse for crime in after years. Ii
! | sat on the bench in such cases l would
mitigate the sentence.
1t is genuine pleasure for me to
wake up a good-natured child in q
good-natured way. Surely it is better
| from those dimpled lids to chase the
sleep with caress than to knock out
slumber with q harsh word and bed
slat.
No one should be suddenly wakened
from a sound sleep. Asudden awaking
reverses the magnetic currents, and
makes the hair pull, to borrow an ex-
preston from Dante. The awakine
should be natural, gradual, and de-
| liberate.
A sad thing occurred last summer on
an Omaha train. 1t was very warm
dav, and in the smoking-car a fat man,
with magenta fringe of whiskers over
his Adams apple, and a light, ecru
lambrequin of real camels hair around
the suburbs of his head, might have been
discovered.
He could have opened his mouth
wider, perhaps, but not without in
juring the handspring of his neck and
turning his epiglottis out of doors.
He was asleep.
He was not only slumbering, but he
was putting the earnestness and pas
sionate devotion of his whole being into
it. HIS shiny, oilcloth grip, with the
roguish tip of discarded collar just
peeping out at the side, was up in the
iron wall-pocket of the car. He also
/ had, in the seat with him, q market
| basket full of misfit lunch and a two
bushel bag containing extra apparel.
On the floor he had a crock of butter
with copy of the Punkyille Palladium
and Stock Groyer's Guardian over the
| top.
He slumbered on in rambling sort
of way, snoring all the time in mono
| syllables, except when he enormously
swallowed his tonsils, and then he
would struggle awhile and get black in
| the face, while the passengers vainly
hoped that he had strangled
While he was thus slumbering, with
all the eloquence and enthusiasm of a
man in the full meridian of life, the
tram stopped with lurch, and the
brakeman touched his shoulder.
Here's your town. he said. ''We
only stop minute. You'll have to
| hustle"
The man, who had been far away,
wrestling with Morpheus, had removed
| his hat, coat, and boots, and when he
awoke his feet absolutely refused to 60
| back into the same quarters.
| At first he looked around reproach-
fully at the people in the car. Then he
reached up and got his oilcloth grip
from the bracket The bag was tied to-
| gether with a string, and as he took it
down the string united. Then we all
| discovered that this man had been on
the road for long time, with no OBJ
| ject, apparently, except 30 evade laun-
| dries. All kinds of articles fell out in
the aisle. ] remember seeing chest
| protector and linen coat slab of
| seal-brown gingerbread and pair of
| stoga boots, hairbrush and bologna
sausage, plug of tobacco and porous
| plaster.
He gathered up what he could in both
| arms, made TWO trips 10 the door ana
threw out all he could, tried again to
| put his number eleven feet into his
number nine boots, gave it up, and
| socked himself out of the car as it be-
| gan to move, while the brakeman bonn
barded him through the window for two
miles with personal property, groceries.
| dry-goods, boots and shoes, gents
furnishing goods, hardware, notions,
bric-a-brac, red herrings, clothing,
doughnuts, vinegar bltters, and facetious
| remarks.
Then he picked up the retired snorer's 8
railroad check from the seat, and |
heard him say: ''Why, dog on it, that
wasn't his town after all. Bill Nye,
in the Current.
The stories about the Maiden boy s
compositions have drawn out lot more
of the sort from correspondents. One