News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-10-14
A BATCH OF STRAY JOKES
GATHERED IN FROM ALL Quar-
TIERS FOR US To SMILE OVER.
Could Go to Bed-NOt Much mt Home
Tho MOsqnitOes-Why She Ma ried-
She Came from Linerick-It Comes
HIgh-Wanted the Watch She Needed
SpectacIes-DOts and Dashes, ETC., Etc.
lie WANTED HER.

A telegraph operator was one day try
ing to call up an office in a small town
in the interior of the State, where the
instrument was presided over by wo-
man.
He was about giving up in despair,
when the operator in another small
town few miles from the first, licked
out the query:
"What in heavens name do you
want ~
''l want Miss Brown, at Burgville, ,
replied the telegraph man. 81 have
been trying to get her for the last hall
hour.
THAT is nothing" came the reply.
''There is young fellow clerking in a
dry goods store there who has been try
ing to get her for the last three years,
and he has not succeeded yet. Do not
get discouraged Chicago Rambler.
HE HAD 'EM.
"Why, look here, landlord" said q
fussy old gentleman, who had just fin
ished his first night at pretty Long
Island watering place, 81 spent the
night fighting mosquitoes. l should
have been devoured by them had not
fought them necessarily"
''They are bad," said the landlord,
E9eastwise they was bad to them as
amt used to them"
"But there was nothing in your letter
to lead me to suppose you had mosqui-
toes here. Bless me, sir, l think you
wrote me that you had no mosquitoes. "
''Quite likely did, SIR" said the
landlord. "'Twould be true if said
it. We hain't got the mosquitoes.
They've got usw-Harper's Bazar.
WHY SHE NEEDED sPECTACLEs.
Chow old would you take me to be,
Mr.. Snooks2" she lisped, looking unut-
terable things at him.
81 dunno" he replied, twisting nerv-
onsly about in his chair.
''I'm awfully old, l assure you. I've
seen twenty-three summers"
Then you ought to wear glasses, "
he replied earnestly.
"Why, Mr.. Snooks! Glasses at twen-
ty-three2"
Yes; your eyesight must be bad"
"Im sure l don't know why you
6AOulC 81, SllC I6pllGu
-''Because I'm afraid that about twen-
ty-three summers have gone by that you
haven't seen. y Germantown Telegraph.
WANTED IT.
The story is told of a Chicago Com
munist who was addressing a crowd on
the inequalities of the rich and poor.
He was in the midst of his fiery decla-
rations when a voice rang out:
"You've got gold watch, and
haven't any. want yours"
The speaker was nonplused. Recover
ing himself, however, he said:
II bought that watch and pnid foI
it,
'Don't make any difference" per
sisted the voice, you've got lold
watch and I havnt-I want it tr'
The taIker was fairly checkmated and
had not much more to say Chicago
Li0ing ChuPch.
A STOPPER.
Two ladies called at the office of a
Milwaukee newspaper the other morn
ing and asked for the proprietor. Both
appeared greatly grieved and indignant.
One was in tears.
"What is the troubled" inquired the
business manager.
"Why, | told your reporter yesterday
that l had lost my dear little spaniel,
Gyp," answered the fearful one, land
he put the item in this mornings paper
under the head of MATTERS of Minor
Importance in and About Town
want to stop my paper, if you please. "
-Chicag0 Journal.
GOING HIM ONE BETTER.
Agnes-"Did you see the big shark,
Mister? The hotel man saw him out
here yesterday"
Gulleless Clamdigger-"Yes, mum,
he was right of the pint about ten min
utes ago an the sea serpent me along
and swallowed himi'
Agnes (triumphantly)- Arthur,
didn't tell you so! What do you think
of that?"
Alfred-"What do I think of it?
Why, | think we have struck a bigger
liar than the hotel keeper. ."-AuSti1a
Sytings.
WASN'T AT HOME MUCH.
Smithkins, in restaurant with a
friend, was Dragging to him about the
hired girl they had at his house, how
industrious, clean and economic she
was.
"But she must have been pretty near
perfect to have lived six years with my
wife," he added. "She's tough one
to get along with"
'But you have lived with your wife
much longer than six years." said the
friend.
eyes, but you see I amt at home
much"
WHY SAUL DID 1T.
A Christian clergyman once went to
an orthodox synagogue with Jewish
friend. He listened to the congrega-
ton chanting "Mizmar L'David" with
usual congregational discord, and was
told by his Jewish friend that 1t was
sung to the same tune in the days of
David.
"Ahr' said the clergyman, with a
SIGH of relief, "that accounts for it.
have often wondered why Saul threw
his iavelln at David. ."-He6retO Stand
ard.
A FAILURE.
"Have YOU heard of Watkins fail
ure ~
'sNo; the last man in the world l
should have supposed would have failed.
| am astonished."
81 don't see why; he wasn't in very
good credit"
''Credit 2 l should think not; that's
the very reason why can't make it out.
It doesn't seem possible ANYBODY would
have ever trusted Watkins"
"Oh r'-Sh0e and Leather Reporter.
SHE LIKED 1T.
"Mamie," said young man in an ice
cream saloon, toying with his check,
"do you know that che mist has dis
covered tyrotoxicon in ice cream2'
Has he, though?' answered Mamie,
manifesting pleasurable surprise. II
wondered what made it taste so good.
| could eat another plate of it.
And the young man mentally blamed
the lamentable failure of his scheme.
THE CLERK COULD GO TO BED.
A countryman and his son ''put up"
at a city hotel. Son out seeing the
town. Old gent comes down from his
room at midnight and says to the night
clerk:
"Has my son come in yetf"
Nipht Clerk-''Guess not. Haven't
seen him."
Old Gent-"Wcll, you needn't set up
for him any longer. "-Ier@t SUtt"gS.