Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-05-15
TERMS---S2. 90 PER YEAR
BILL NYE.
The Macadamlzed Biscuits with a
Flap on Top.


Flap on Top.
Guests at remote American hotels, con-
Quoted on the YOure-a-payih' plan, have no
doubt noticed, after few weeks at the
house. heavy feeling in the pit of the
stomach Al first this is mistaken for men,
tai gloom but this is an erroneous diagnosis.
II is a gastric gloom. Its induced by the
great hand-tO-hand conflict between the
bomb proof biscuit of the hotel and eternal
justice.
Eternal justice comes out on top, perhaps,
but she is in poor shape to tackle the next
one. These wads of gun cotton, plaster
paris and alum are met with at the hotel
where the Grape is never taken of the door
Death and baking powder biscuits are syn
onymOus terms. The Old-fashioned poet
used 10 picture death in the act of moving
down his millions with q scythe and
wappy-jawed snath, but now the bard could
not be more vigorous in his language than
| to say:
Death SHED hotei biscuit at him.
And he sleptl
| These macadamized rolls are made now
with flap on bop, notice, similar to The
|
huntng-case biscuit is found to be superior
to the old style, which could be opened with
. nail. The present hotel roll-that Is. the
| one we have in our midst-is made of con
demned flour that has been refused on the
Indian reservations and turned over to the
War Department. This -four, with amalgam
filling and fire-proof works, makes roll
that will resist the action of acids or the
grand jury.
One hotel man in Western State showed
me three sets OF false teeth that he had
caught with the same biscuit in six weeks
while the Legislature was in session. He
said that one man came out OF the dining
room with case knife in one hand and his
mouth in the other. Heseemed excited and
tried to talk, but could not make himself
understood. He paid his bill and went
, away. Pretty soon a waiter brought in one
of those lay figures used on the bill of fare
as rolls, and in it they found set of almost
now teeth.
A hotel mans life is not wholly destitute
: of Joy and sunlight after all.
HOTEL. ROLLS. WHEN PROPERLY FIRED,
make a fine appearance as an ornamental
corner on an iron fence. They have won
e derful powers Of endurance also. People
e who have d ed suddenly from eating the
J hotel roll have in several instances been
= cremated. When the ashes were carefully
II examined the roll was found to BE- intact.
do not say that the right of way through
perdition il not paved with good Intentions,
II nut [ beli.y. that many OF our leading citl-
u zens will be disappointed when they get
L there to find the hotel roll on all the prnci-
pal streets, tIacidy resisting the wear and
tear of centuries, as well as the disastrous
le effects of the low, hot, malaiious climate
If we could see the sad effects of the roll
in its ghastly career along tie alimentary
canal, evadIng the cuspiI-, bi cuSplds ana
S, mOlars. insulting the sub-maXI,ary, SUD
4, lingual and parnsid sAiiyary glands, wlp!ng
,d it's oyershOes on the tim Il Ittlt eplglottis'
- toboganning down the p'OpAagus and land-
ne ing with dull and slckening thud against
st the walls OF the true stomacr, we wCnlu
ril hesitate about tampernc win IT,.
live could lay aside our work for an hour
vi or two, and pass into the presence OF oiu
Is Mr. Gastric what would we see?
be man about medium height, WIN SIN
49,, lister expression, little sOured by Oyerwork
~ and anxiety. He has just reduced to pulp
DC a small wad OF cake made by pride, ano,
as entirely exhausted, he sinks down near the
MT storm door at the foot OF the via Rs0phagu'
Dl, This Is old man Gastric, the man wh'
in never fiinched when pie and pantaloOn put
on tons have been bestowed upon nlln bu
now wby does he quail? Why does b.
uo shudder? He is not paid extra Tor shudder
nc ing!
es- HIst!
'"' powder biscuit, with murder and alum in IL
er- breast.
ON With a snarl of rage, and low, maliclou
or gurel that makes every little gastric follicl
- curl no and Try to sneak away INTO the deuo
denum.
HE sLAPs OLD MIR. GASTRIC
ice across the face and eyes, and the tourua
bic ment begins.
re- These stars represent the appearance .
red the armament aS viewed by Mr.. Gastrl'
Two hours have passed. Down IN one col
-. nee of his laboratory, with the deatn daln
OF gathering on his brow, lies the o'd mar
t a who has met every thing at pcnic or luncl
counter that the broad Empire or Hasnoot
could furnish, and yet never lowered d
DAY arm, They are folded calmly now acros
ike his breast, and the weary hands OF the DraN
To digester are forever at rest. All IS qui'
-, save the 10 moan Of the liver. linen all
still again. IL
~. Near the pyloric Orifce stands the prII
A. OF the Metropolitan Biscuit Foundry. ID
q smiles ironically as he sits down on cot'o
'' flannel cake to get his breath. III,
This roll Is the bane OF our modern clvl
zatiOn. II is carrying thousands down
pher the disagreeable realms OF death. IL Is
trik- tractive IN appear ance, % auu a are too n
to yield. But let US beware. NO mi
Lo- should put a hotel biscuit in his mouth
liar. steal away his brain.
tive ,,,si man and eat these death balls
ppli- would say 10 him, buy hotel II you wis
AVA. Henry (providng his name happened to :,
Henry, and run 1t and make money %
have home that you can go TO tor yc
meals. Do not eat your own biscuit
I'd. saw negro a week ago, in Chica
museum, eating lamp chimneys and gl'
OIL. paper weights. His health seemed pre-
:, fslr, and asked him how he preserved
93. longevity. He said he did It oy drawlpg'
il. ine 81 '"NDe po"-