davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
ONCE TOO OFTEN.
a Too Frequent Test of the Financia
Value of Tenpenny Nails.

Too Frequent Test of the Financial
Value of Tenpenny Nails.
Something clinked on the bottom Of
the Randolph street car, and an indif.
ferently washed man, wearing bad clothes
and worse face, CROPPED about despair
ingly.
'.Oh, the poor fellow!' Involuntary
murmured a pale woman with eye
glasses and sympathy, she just looks as
though it was the last nickel he had"
The other nine passengers looked ex-
cessively sorry, and the ADMINISTRATIONS
of the conductors approaching bell
punch percolatcd through the gloom like
melancholy cadences from some distant
convent tower. The indifferently washed
man put on a poverty SILVER as the con-
ductor came along.
Fare, please
my dime, sir, just fell through the
foot-rack there on the floor"
.Where?'
Right down there, sir; it went clean
out of sight,
Yes, indeed, Mister CONDUCTOR in
terposed the little woman. 81 saw him
lose it
Never mind" said the Conductor, at
length, ''here's your five cents change.
I'll find the dime when 1 take the car
into the barn.
Then everybody thought what a kind
man the conductor was, and the I'M
washed passenger debarked at the Hal
sted street crossing.
Not long subsequent he assembled in
to a Madison street transport. Some
thing clinked on the floor soon after.
Fare, SIR said the conductor, in.
terrupting the frantic search which he
was making among the intersticies of
the foot-rack.
1--WE lost my dime, sir, and it,
Biff!
"You are the
Bang!
''Blanked tramp who worked
that-''
Biff! Biff!
dodge on me last week"
Bang! Bang!
The women screamed; the men
laughed; and he, fishing himself out of
the slushy snow, looked unutterably
bankrupt as he spitefully cast away his
remnant stock in trade-a handful of
tenpenny nails Chicago News.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07

paid any attention to the movements OF
the animal, but all noticed with con-
cern-for he was beloved by his congre-
gation-the great pallor of the clergy
man, and the beads of perspiration
standing upon his brow, and they be-
gan to whisper to each other that Mr.
H must be ill.
After the interment they all proceeded
to the church, where the funeral sermon
was to be preached. Just before enter
ing, Mr.. H turned round to ascertain
the whereabouts of his tormentor, when
loi there he was, not far from him, but
the crowd prevented him from ap-
preaching too closely. Just at this mo-
ment some one gave the poor creature
a cruel kick, which sent him off howl
ing. When the minister reached his
pulpit-one of those old-fashioned af-
fairs assembled by a short, steep flight of
steps-he breathed more freely He
was just about to commence his duties
when the sexton, good old man, came
noiselessly up the steps with slip of
paper in his hand, which he wished to
give to the minister, but who was unno-
ticed by that gentleman, though seen by
all the congregation. He gently
twitched his coat to attract his atten-
ton. A thrill of horror passed over the
unhappy preacher at the dreadful
thought that the dog had entered unseen
in the crowd, and was now about to
take forcible possession of the sausage
before the whole assembly; so, hoping
to drive him away, he kicked back eau
tiously, but vigorously, and struck the
old man in the breast. who rolled down
the steps.
Seeing the look of surprise and alarm
on the faces of the audience, he stam-
mercd out, with crimson face: Il must
explain to you, my brethren, what must
seem my Incorporate conduct. A friend
came out to me, as l was passing the
house, with a small package of sausage
for me to carry home in my pocket; but
ever since dismounted from my horse
this old dog''-pointing behind to the
PROSTATE sexton, but without looking
round-.has been following me, and at
length came into the pulpit, and has
been Juggling at my coat, determined to
get the sausage from my pocket"
At this moment the sexton, little
stunned and little hurt, arose from the
floor, and the minister at glance took
it all in, stared wildly at him, took Il
drink of water, turned very pale, and
sat down, overwhelmed with consterna-
tion.-Editor'' Draa0er, IN Horper's
Magazine.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
PlTH AND POINT.

The man who knows the least re-
quires the greatest space to tell IT.
~ Y Mail.
1t is customary in Germany to kill
an editor whenever he says anything
witty There has been no editor killed
in Germany for many years. -EOG'ss-
ville Argus.
First Doctor-Well, I'm sorry to
see you in this shape. Doc. Who's pre-
scribing for you, by the wayp Second
Doctor-Nobody. Doing it myself.
First Doctor-Great Scott ! don't p!
You're committing suicide !-Puck.
Tailor - Married or unmarried?
Customer-Married. Tailor (to cutlery
One pocket concealed in lining Of
rest. Customer-Eh? Whatp Tailor
(explaining)-Toh hide your change, you
know, at night I'm married myself
Chicago Rambler.
1t knocks all the gilt off the ginger
bread of an editors fife to know that
when he has written fiery and brilliant
article denouncing tyranny and expos
ing slavery he will have to go home and
split kindling-wood for his wife and
shine his mother-in-law' boots.-Chica-
go Tribune.
An elderly gentleman is seen to
tread on a piece of orange-peel, and
come heavily down, on what may be po-
litely called the small of his back. To
him, polite stranger, raising his hat:
''Excuse me, sir; would you mind doing
that again? My friend didn't see it. -
Harper's Bazaar.
-Jones-Smith, you are the LATEST
man I ever saw. Smith-Correct.
Jones-They say you sleep fifteen hours
out of every twenty-four. Smith-Cor-
rect. Jones-What do you do it for?
Smith-In order to economize. You
see it costs nothing to sleep, but the mo-
ment you wake up expenses begin
Boston Post.
Cousin Sophia talented and &C.
complished) Dyes, 1 like Mr.. Fibson.
He's so sensible. He told me he didn t
care Il rap for unintellectual women,
however beautiful they might be.
Cousin Bella (only pretty)-Did he,
really? Why, he told me he couldn' t
bear intellectual women! He said wom-
ans mission was to be beautiful =
Pittsburgh Chronicle.
Il understand that Tosspot has
quit drinking; how did it happenP"
s:Why, he wandered into a temperance
meeting the other evening, and he was
asked to take the pledge, and did it.
Poor fellow, he couldn't refuse, you
know He never had refused when
asked to take something, and he hadn't
the courage to break his record. Dos
ton TRANSCRIPT
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
FOREIGN GOSSIP.

The population of Berlin, accord
inc to the census just completed, is l.
SIG, 382.
London has humane institution, a
home for lost and starving dogs, where
as many as 900 dogs enter in six days.
Russia has SO, 400 doctors, of whom
$50 are women. The dentists number
but 500. and the pharmacists 1000.
"A husband and wife at Leipsic,
named Zillack, recently announced to
their friends through the columns of the
Idgebtatt that girl-their twenty-ninth
child-had been born to them
Last year there were 194,723 acres
of fruit orchards in Great Britain. This
year the area has increased to 1917, 532
acres. Last year 3d. 75 acres were de-
voted to market gardens. There are
now 59,473 acres devoted to this pur-
pose.
1t would seem that Nutfeld, near
Redhill, Eng, is the most healthy spot
In the world, as the rector has an
nounced that. with population of 200,
only one male died last year, and he was
lightweight years old.
"A girl who was bitten by mad dog
and subsequently inoculated by DR.. Pas
teur has died of rabies. DR.. Pasteur
explains that thirty-siX days having
elapsed before she was inoculated, the
period of incubation had expired, and
the treatment was therefore too late.
The outrageous inequality of SEN
fences in England has given rise to the
suggestion that Board of Revision,
consisting of retired Judges, should meet
once week, and submit their report to
the Home Secretary monthly of cases in
which they deem interference desirable.
That was strange error in the Daily
Calder speech. The allusion to the Lau-
reate's contemptuous phrase for present
day politics, lilies upon this side, lies
upon that side," was converted by the
composition into ''He's upon this side,
he's upon that side"
That the Duke of Cumberland is in
something more than easy circumstances
may be gathered from the fact that the
gold and silver plate which he has in
herited from the late King of Hanover
and the Duke of Brunswick weighs up
ward of eight tons!
There are no less than four Queens
of Spain now living-Isabella, mother of
the late Alfonso; Amelia, wife of ex-
King Amedeus, of Savoy, mother of the
present King of Italy, who was for two
years King of Spain, and resigned in dis
gust; Christina, widow of the late King
Alfonso, and Mercedes, the present
Queen. five years old.
The state coaches of the Lord Mayor
of London and of Queen Victoria are
nearly coeyal. The latter dates from
1852. the third year of George III. 1t
was about 1712 that the Lord Mayor first
used state coach, on November 9th.
The first coach lasted till 1857, when the
one now in use was built by subscription
and presented to him. 1t is very SINH
lar to the Queens.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
HUNTING AND HUNTED.
Revengeful Bees and Their Attacks Upon
Ostrich Hunters.


Ostrich Hunters.
1t is common thing for the people
of South Africa to have tame ostriches
with the rest of their poultry and live
stock. A recent traveller had an oppor-
tunity of witnessing what the Scotch
call ''llitting," or the removal of sew
eral families from one district of the
country to another, and he noted that
these ostrlches had very quaint and
unusual effect-something to which
European eyes are quite unaccustomed,
whether in reality or picture. These
strange birds generally staiked at the
head of the procession, and appeared to
be on most excellent terms with all the
domestic animals. Occasionally one
track to peck mouthful of grass, but
as soon as the driver would leave the
road and shout at it, it would imme-
diately fall into its proper place and
march forward with the most demure
gravity, as if to be guilty of an infringe
ment of rules was the last thing it would
think of.
Ostriches always have an intensely
stupid look, but they are not nearly such
fools as the uninitiated would take them
for; and although the most timid crea-
lures on the earth when in state of ma
ture, yet in captivity or when domesti-
Gated, they are bold and dangerous.
They will attack horse or rider indis-
criminately, walking up to the object of
their Indignation with quiet, measured
stride, never evincing for a moment the
slightest evidence of hostility, in fact,
looking such fools that no one would
imagine them capable of inimical ideas,
when with a quick movement, done with
great strength and velocity, they raise
their foot and strike forward, the edges
of the toes being so sharp that they will
cut ones clothes the whole length of the
stroke. AS they are too valuable to be
knocked on the head, perhaps one turns
to run from them, but their speed is
such that an attempt thus to elude them
is useless. The only plan to be pur-
sued is to throw yourself down,
and lie still on your face or back.
They can not kick you in these posi-
tons, but they will jump on you, and
trample all over You. While this opera
ton is going on, you may give vent to
your feelings, and satisfy your self
esteem, by bestowing upon them a few
reminders that two can play at the same
game.
In South Africa, in the lands of the
Wee Beers. tlocks of ostriches on the
banks of the rivers form most pic
turcsque sight, and one very tempting
to the hunter. especially if he be an En-
glishman. The hunters OF the African
ostrich are sometimes themselves hunted
bv disturbing the natural bee-hives in
the vast tropical forests. These bees are
very revcngefuI, and their sting very
poisonous. The natives when attacked
by them are sometimes obliged to seek
refuge in the streams, as the bees will
pursue party that has disturbed them,
for great distance, and a half-naked
African may lose his life in an open con-
fiict with Youths Companion
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
A POST-MORTEM.
The Duties and Responsibilities of the Or
fciating Surgeons.

ficiating Surgeons.
Few persons upon reading an &C.
count of post-mortem examination
stop to consider the importance of the
matter OF the time taken up to do the
work of an autopsy. The post-mOrtem
surgeons are important officers, who
make all the medico-legal examina-
tons for the city, and are the medical
witnesses for the State in cases where
post-mOrtem examinations are re-
quired. There are two post-mortem
physicians in Baltimore, DR.. S. v.
Hoopman, for the ten lower wards,
and DIR. L. w.. Councilman, for the
ten upper wards.
A reporter. wishing to witness the
post-mortem work, called on DR.. Hoop
man short time ago just as he was
starting to perform such duty. The
case was very important one. being
one of the late murders committed in
the eastern section of the city. Ar
irving at the house, about twenty med
cal students were found, who &C
companied Dr. Hoopman to the room
where the dead body lay. A table was
prepared by covering it with an OIL
cloth. The clothing was removed from
the body, and it was placed on the
table. The doctor carefully inspected
the corpse and noted all wounds, which
in this case were found to be three,
two bullet-wounds and one knife-gash.
The head was first examined. An in
cision was made from ear to ear over
the top of the head, followed by
gush of blood. which made
some of the spectators remember
that they were needed outside
for moment The scalp was reflected
backward and forward and the skull
exposed. The skull was then sawed
around on line with the eyebrows
When the top of the skull was removed
the doctor took out the brain. The
beautiful organ. with its assures and
convolutiOns, was mass of blood, the
fatal bullet having plowed it's way di-
agonally through it.. An inspection of
the neck showed that another bullet
had entered at the back, passed through
toward the front, severing the carotid
artery and jugular vein. The next move
was to make a long incision from the
chin down to the navel. The breast
bone was dissected and the heart and
lungs taken out for inspection. After
carefully examining the heart, the doc
tor remarked that ''the column@ car
nae, chord9 tendine9 and auriculo-ven-
tricul@ and semi-lunar valves are all
healthy" The lungs were found
healthy. A piece thrown in water.
would not sink, which the doctor said
was a test for healthy lungs The
stomach, liver, spleen, pancreas and
intestines were all in turn carefully re-
moved and inspected. All this COM
pleted, the organs were replaced and
the missions carefully sewed up. So.
completely is this done that when the
body is dressed the fact of post-mor-
tenn examination having been made is;
not apparent.
How many post-mortems have YOU
made during the year?" asked the re-
porter.
ABOUT forty, and about one. hum
dred since have been making. post
msrtems."
CHANGING at the watch it was found
that four hours had been occupied in
performing the interesting examine
tion. Baltimore San.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
Result Of a New Discovery.

Science has discovered new method
of detecting living organisms in water
by developing them under what is
called the gelatine process. The re-
suits of this test, as shown in Sir Francis
Bottoms last report on the London wa.
ter, are decidedly interesting. For ev-
cry cubic centimeter of water the New
River and West Middlesex companies
supply their customers with a couple
of organisms; the Kent company
gives Is; the Southwark, "a; Lambeth,
26; Chelsea, 81; Grand junction, 40;
East London, 5S. Considering how
many of these companies derive their
supply from the same source. should
like to hear their explanation of the ex-
traordinary disparity in these figures
London Truth.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
a DEPOT STORY.
How a Brakeman Ditched Train With
Great Success.

Great Success.
Horrible, horrible! sir; l say horri-
BILE. l never want to witness such a
sight again" He was a little fat fellow
buttoned up in neat suit of clothes,
that proclaimed him drummer at first
sight; his little round nose peeped over
his curled lawn-tennis mustache as if to
see what his mouth was saying.
''What has happened?' chimed in the
usual old woman in mourning and spec
tacles, who is always around every
depot.
s'Why," said the fat man, after get
ting his breath, II walked down the
track to get little fresh air, when
standing watching a freight train pass,
/ saw brakeman fall down between
the cars and with my own eyes saw
forty-seven cars pass over him. Ch, IL
was horrible! horrible!" Here the fat
man closed his eyes as though to shut
out the sight.
..And did it kill him?' broke in the
old woman.
The fat man opened his eyes, and in
an easy way said: sob, no; it didn't
kill him. How could it? Only forty
seven cars, and they only loaded with
pig-iron, coal, etc. Kill him, my dear
madame? No, indeed; he only ditehed
the engine and four box-cars, nine flat.
cars; after the forty-seyenth car had
passed over him he jumped up-as is
always the case after forty-seven cars
has run over a mainland commenced
to examine the track to see what DAM
age had been done. He said to me he
was glad he hadn't broken any of the
rails or fractured any of the car wheels,
as the company would take it out of his
pay
s'Oh, I'm SO glad he wasn't killed.
exclaimed the usual old woman.
s'And so am t. said the fat man.
The train had just come in, the old
woman and her band-boxes got aboard,
the fat man went forward to the smoker
to smoke and think what idiots some
people are.-Ihe JNdGe.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
METEORS IN AMERICA.
Three Remarkable Brilliant Fire Balls o.
served in the United States.

Three Remarkable Brilliant Fire Balls OBJ
served in the United States.
On the evening of December 2, 1876,
at about eight O'Clock, there was seen in
Kansas bright fire ball, which rose in
the western sky near where the moon
then was 1t crossed the heavens ap-
parently near the center of the State, its
flight to the horizon appearing to OBJ
servers to last about a minute. The
same meteor was seen to pass similarly
from west-southwest to east-northeast
by observers in many States from Ne
braska to West Virginia, and from Mis-
souri, to Wisconsin. Near the meteor's
path, four or five minutes after its pass
age, loud explosions were heard, re-
sembling distant cannonading, or noises
like the rafting of empty wagons over
stony roads. SO loud were the noises
that people and animals were frightened.
The explosions were heard east of
the Mississippi everywhere within sixty
miles of the estimated path of the
meteor, and at Bloomington, Ind, one
hundred and fifty miles distant, sounds
were noted which were supposed to come
from the meteor. Over Central Illinois
the meteor broke into fragments like an
exploding rookie t, and over Indiana and
Ohio it formed a flock or cluster of me-
teors computed to be forty miles long and
five miles broad. The sky over New
York was overcast, but from many
places in the State came accounts of rat
thing of houses, laundering noise, and
other such phenomena. which, at the
time, were attributed to an earthquake.
-, o,.th
farmer heard a heavy thud, and found
strange stone weighing three-qarters of
pound. By putting together the vari-
Gus accounts of observers it appears that
the meteor was first seen near the north
west corner of Indian Territory, at an
elevation of from sixty to one hundred
| miles above the earth surface. Thence
it travelled to point over Central New
| York in about two minutes, approach
ing the earth all the while.
A similar meteor was seen on the
evening of July 20, 1860, in New
York, Pennsylvania and New England.
The light was so vivid that thousands
| of persons left their houses to see it.
Its velocity was computed at from
| ten to twelve miles per second-ffty
times the velocity of sound. This me-
teor disappeared from sight over the At
| lantic Ocean.
Early in the last century a brilliant
meteor was seen in New York City. A
worthy citizen Of that day chronicles
how he was ''sitting on We stoop' in
Maiden Lane, at about eight o'clock,
when Meteor or Starr Shot Across
ye Hemisphere, making SO brilliant
a light that, although the night was very
dark, call Objects in We Street appeared
very visible. Chicago Times.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07

ness trip. He never hunts up any Of his
old ex-Confederate comrades. Occasion
ally he finds himself in crowd where
they are all telling war "reminiscences,
AS soon as he can he quietly retires. He
has no war stories to tell. During re-
cent years this man has done fairly we'll
In a business way. But prosperity does
not satisfy him. He seems to be under
the shadow of that disgraceful April day
in IS. He is almost a monomaniac on
this subject, and to-day he would give
up his life, his family and everything if
he could be resting in one of the graves
in our cemetery under the shadow of the
Confederate monument. What an in
tolerable torture such an existence must
be!-AtLanta lGa.l Constitution.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
THAT SAUSAGE.
A Worthy Dominee's Inexpressible o
sternation and Chagrin.

A Worthy Dominee's Inexpressible on
sternation and Chagrin.
A clergyman in Southern State was
IN his way to preach a funeral ser
mon. As he was passing the house of
a widow lady, a member of his congre-
CATION, she ran out and stopped him,
saying, as they had just slaughtered
their hogs, she had put up few pounds
of sausage as present, adding that, as
she had put it in double paper packets,
she thought it would not soil his clothes.
He thanked her earnestly for her kind
ness, and rode on, having put the par
Gel in his pocket.
All the time lie was officiating at me
grave large, hai-starved hound kept
snuffing around him, sometimes ap-
preaching alarmingiy near, attracted
BY the scent of the fresh meat. AS the
deceased was man of some prominence.
there was considerable crowd collected,
and great mourning and lamentation
came from the family group; so no one
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07
READING FOR THE YOUNG.
A LITTLE POEM.

A LITTLE POEM.
One little grain in the sandy bars;
One little flower in field of flowers;
One little star in a heaven of stars;
One little hour in year of hours
What if it makes what if it mars?
But the bar is built of the little grains;
And the little flowers make the meadows
gay;
And the little stars light the heavenly plains;
And the little hours of each little day
Give to US all that lfe contains
Ernest Whitney, in st. Nicholas.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07

M de Brazza. the African explorer,
was given an ovation on his arrival in
Paris. In an interview he said that the
commerce of the Congo region required
the building of a railway for it's accom-
mediation.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07

What on earth are you photo
graphing that umbrella for, dear boyp"
Amateur Photographer-..You said
you wanted to borrow it to go home
with, and I'm getting something to re-
member it by, that's all"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1886-01-07

Base ball will be played at night, by
electric light, on Staten Island next
summer.-N. 7. Sun.