St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-02-13
FOR NERVOUS WIVES.
a Method of Reforming Husbands Who
Go Down Town Every
Night.
Tile Shameful Manner in Which a
Tfmid Little Creature Has Been
Treated by Her Cruel Spouse.
A Specimen of His Observation-Disclosures
1.-The Philosophic Remedy She Is
Advised to Resort TO.

IND asked me 10 give her some advice. she
was married, had twO-year-old child, and
her experience in matrimony stretched
across the wide and weary space OF four
Tears.
l got at the core of her infelicity in less
Than two minutes; her husband wouldn't
stay at home nights.
She told me the whole story through her
tears. and am afraid she thought me ter
ribly heartless, laughed so JOLLY and so
cruelty at everything she said.
| think from her statement that she
wanted me to believe that her husband had
doorknob with ventricles in its interior
and arteries leading into and out of it for
the circulation of ice water slowed away
under the ribs of his left side, and that the
doorknob was the least impressionable
thing in existence this side of a granite
quarry.
She told me all about him as far as his
hesperal conduct was concerned.
''He seems never satisfied she said,
''unless he's out rambling the streets with
other rowdies like himself, or is into some
mean and miserable mischief"
She gave him pedigree as long as the
Spanish infanta's list of titles, and if tn re
is anything sOulless under the sun that she
didn't compare him with it, it has slipped
my memory.
T. And all because he forsook the comforts
of his home at night and looked for happ-
ness and an agreeable way of numbering
time down town. He gave her the old
racket. One night it was lodge; next night
1t was business; another night it was see
ing friend off on the o'clock train; then
there was the sick man to sit up with. and
again it was committee meeting of some
kind or other
There was plausible little excuse for
his absence from home until II o'clock
every night
l could see right away that he had given
the delicate little creature a delightful
whirl, and | made up my mind before she
had reached her second lamentation that
her husband was carrying $4,000 insurance
on his life Just for the sake of the lodge
nights. committee meetings, sick brothers
and things Of that kind which it furnished
him with.
If a.newspaper had caught hold Of her
story and printed it in all its narrowing de-
tails, that man would have been held up
to the public gaze as the rankest scoundrel
that ever obtained marriage license.
Why, it seems that on one occasion he
remained out until las a. M. and then
gave the excuse that there was big fire
down town, and as he stopped to take it in
he missed the last car and was obliged TO
wait for the ''owl."
She looked in the paper next day and
conldn't find any fire at all reported; on the
contrary, there was a small item down in
one corner of the paper setting forth the
startling fact that the fire department had
not been disturbed by an alarm for four
days.
The only explanation he vouchsafed was
to call the paper a liar. and to say they
l,1l fla I'm, hooly for
their weekly edition.
When she tried to argue the improbable
fly of such an action he shut her up by de-
claring that women were the condemndest
fools the Lord ever put breath into, and
the man who tried to explain anything to
ane of them ought to be carried straightway
to dime museum and putt the same cage
with the Aztec children.
She gave this as a sample of his treat
ment, and present it to the reader as fair
specimen of the set-tos they seem to have
in that small family.
1t would not be difficult for any unpreju-
diced jury to arrive at the conclusion that
this little lady had been and was still deal
ing with villain.
She cried eopiously as she reeled off her
woes to me, and said that was the way she
cried when her husband was out at night.
came pretty near plying her, but l shut
down my sympathy valve and gave the sub
ject about four minutes consideration.
/ looked at it from both standpontS-
from its downtown aspect and its family
circle phaSeS-and then l came to con-
clusion.
told her to dry her tears and go home,
pull her chewing gum off the mantel-piece
and proceed to mind her own business in
the way she was wont to do before sue be-
came acquainted with marital misery.
Don't say another word to him about
going down town any more" L said. Let
him go, with big GO"
That's just what'll suit him." said the
little lady. IF 1 let him go he'll never
come home at all"
Then let him stay away" told her.
Encourage him to stay away. Send some
body down town to meet him on his road
home who will prevail upon him to turn
back"
She couldn't understand this and 1
couldn't make her understand it, She was
afraid she might lose her night hawk and.
as she remarked, bind of that kind, even
in the hand, was worth two in the brush.
told her, though, that / was philOso-
pher, and, like all philosophers, the lesN
Ineligible my advice the better the chances
of having it effect some good.
She at last consented to try my remedy
on her husband, and this is the treatment l
recommended-it Will apply to all husbands
who are fond of going down town after
supper:
When he goes out in the morning never
ask him to hurry home.
When he appears for supper have it all
ready for him. and rush him through it as
quickly as possible.
The moment he rises from the table get
his hat and coat, help him rapidly Oh with
the former, and tell him that if he makes
haste he may catch the car that is just pass
Ing.
Should he try to explain that it is lodge
night or that they are taking stock at the
store" hush him up and tell him to lose no
time in getting to his destination.
If he remarks that he will be home at 10,
ask him as favor not to come until 1880.
as you expect company and they may re-
main late.
When he does come home pay no atten-
ton to or take no interest in him. Devote
yourself ardently 10 getting him ont of the
house, but never make any fuss about his
return.
After a night or two you may send his
supper down to the Office with nice. low
ing little note saying that you know that he
will pLreciate the surprise-and the sup
per. toO-but your idea is to save him time,
trouble rnd car-fare.
In week you may add another kindness,
insist on his getting room down town,
which will spare him the inconvenience of
riding home in the late cars and say that
you will be satisfied if he only spends few
hours at home Oh Sunday.
Keep this kind of thing going. Do your
utmost to make his downtown life pleas
ant. Heap love and kindness upon him,