Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1886-06-30
1ailu gress ANIL 9akutaiau
BUMPS AND TRAITS.

BUMPS AND TRAITS.
The Mistakes OF a Ph~renOlogist-A
Fellow Whose Bumps Varied From
the Chart.
Detroit Free Press.
can't just now recall his name, but
he was registered at the hotel at Elk
Rapids as from the Chicago Tribune.
Tnere wasn't anything singular in two
newspaper men making up to each
other-not when they are both away
from home. liked his looks from the
start, and when he realized it he
brought out o chart of his head which
Professor Fowler had given him. 40
cording to the chart his leading traits
were:
Extrcme libera1ity.
2 Utter absence OF selfshuess.
3 Strong friendship.
/ was glad that tho chart confirmed
my own private Impressions, and our
friendship was cemented with the blood
of the revolution, for which the land.
lord charged ten cents q glass. On the
fourth day we went out together in q
skif on the bay to fish. He insisted on
paying for the bait and in rowing tho
boat, and that agreed exactly with trait
No. i. We were a half mile off shore,
and still going ahead, when the skiff
banged against some unseen object, the
bottom was stove in, and the nsxt NOM
ent she flied to the gunwales. The oars
hoated away Rs we hcsted out, and we
settled down to business with the wreck
floating full OF water, and he hanging to
one end and l to the other. 1t was only
- I-H {kNAk - 1~,r ~ 49,
mind that Fowler hadn't felt of that
chaps bumps in dead earnest.
"You did it-you internal idiet-you
dit i'll" he yelled at me as he got Little
Traverse Bay out of his mouth.
As Fowler hadn't included truth in
his leading traits. I felt free to deny the
allegation, but he repeated it in a vigor-
GUS manner. and added:
I've got q revolver, and if you don't
let go OF this boat I'll shoot you"
"For whyw says ].
Because it woL't float both of US,
and I'm going to W myself at any
costv'
That was his cutter absence of selfish
ness" as recorded on the chart. and /
war surprised and grieyed to think Fow-
Ter had been 30 taken in. / asked him
o little grace, and he replied:
Give you inst two minutes to say
your prayers"
I wanted twenty, and he wouldn't
even compromise on Six. That was
more of his s.extseme liberallty." When
1 saw that he was inclined to hurry the
funeral I bounced the boat around and
prevented him from getting at hia
weapon, which had stuck fast in his
wet pocket. Pretty soon he tried
another lay. Said he:
81 am q married man and have four
children. All you've got Is q wife, aud
she's half dead Of that. Have some
reason about you
/ offered TO argue the case, each side
being limited TO five minutes, and he
charged me with cold-biooded selfish
ness. II the circumstances we're only
5rsversed he'd die fer me IN q minnie, but
as we couldn't reverse 'em he had an
other proposition. III I'd let go and die
quietly end deoently he'd raise at least
500 for my widow If he . saved, and
would give me q column notice in the
Tribune, describing the details of my
heroic act. and winding up with the
paragraph.
..We are certain that the public will
not let his grave remain %nnhonored by q
fitting abiesau.~
I wanted 70 know what sort OF o tablet,
the cost, esc. Ihad seen so many cheap
tablets that / felt like holding out for d
Scotch.granite monument, with an angel
on the apex. He got SO mad at the. delay
that I had to bounce the boat again to
keep the pistol in his pocket. When he
had Gained down he appealed to my gem
erosity and manly honor. He had just
had his salary raised. His father-in-law
had just come to appreciate him for
what he was. He was the president OF a
Chicago literary sooiey, and . leading
member of a debating club. His future
was full of the biggest kind of water
melons, and the whole world
would miss him. i hadn't any
salary worth mentioning, no father-in-law
at ail-no hopes beyond fonrth-hoor
rates. Wasn't it better to die q hero
than TO live on like athrstle by the road
tide? I asked HIM to put his language
in the form OF a motion, which he did
and a vote was taken-it wat o stand-off.
His side only got one vote, and thai was
half full of water.
never saw Q chap SO full OF motions
and resolutions as he was for threa-quar-
ters OF an hour, and I never attended a
cnr1eus whore the opposition war SO
determined TO vote them all down.
He had apparently exhausted. his stock,
and vas hunting for something new,
when he lost his hold on the wreck and
went d0wn-down-about four feet,
where he rested solidly on q sand bar.
The water for fifty feet around was
from two to four feet deep, and it was
the end of . snnken spar which had
wrecked us. He came over to me and
held out his hand, but 1 waded away
from him in q dlgnifed tanner. He
said he was only in fun, and he offered
me three hsh-hooks. a jaek.knife. q ball
of string, and big hunk of Petoskey
maple sugar to resume friendly and
confidential relations. In vain. A
fisherman came out and took MS off
the bar, and We never spobe again. A.
man whose bumps deceive a phreaologist
is not q fellow to tie to.
Bucklen's Arnlaa Sa,ve
The best SalYe in the world for Cuts,
Bruises, Sores, Ulcers. Salt Rheum, Fever
fy~~nn sUVnStn- rI~~-xJ TT..I-N ~ ftt 80