The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1886-04-28
Couldn't be Caught Any More.

"No, you can't come any O. your
dodges on me-" said granger6cd passen-
ger, as the man with the big, jingling ring
full of bus checks accosted him with the
inquiry if he was going any further than
Chicago. "You can't play me for sucker
I tell you. I've had my eye-teeth cut, I
have. Why, I've had three lightning
rods put up on my place, every one of
which cost me seven prices. I've been
stuck on Bohemian oats, Russian oats,
Australian oats, hulless barley, gold dust
wheat, Seneca chief wheat, red line
wheat, and all O. them things. The last
man who caught me on this scheme said
he represented big company, and that
he was only allowed to sell ten bushels to
ore farmer, at $40 per bushel Bimeby
he came around and said he'd sell me fifty
bushels on the sly for cash, providin' I'd
sign an agreement not to tell on him. He
said he'd takin' likin' to me, an would
Just as soon see me get rich as his own
father. took the fifty bushels, paid him
$500, and signed the agreement.
Three months later I found that
agreement in the bank prom
issory note for $500 more
which had to pay. I've been caught
on worthless fruit trees an fertilizers, an
other claptraps by the dozen. One time
I ordered a new revised edition Bible,
an the blank order which I signed turned
up promissory note for $1O0. Bout
year ago stranger stopped at my house
Just before dinner time. Of course
asked him to sit up and eat with us. He
said he was an agent for the Bible society,
and was not permitted to eat meals with
out payin' for 'em, but would be pleased
to sit up if would take pay. Of course
I agreed, an you just ought to have
heard that man pray. His was prayer
from way back, an my appetite nearly
made me sick before he got through ask
ing the blessin'. After dinner he asked
me to sign receipt which he could show
the Bible society as a voucher that
he had paid for the meal. Three
months later that receipt turned up in
bank as a note for $65. I had to pay it.
Last summer I built new barn, and, of
course, T wanted lightning rods on it.
A man came along with his wagon and l
dickcred with him for contract. He
praised the barn, and said he wanted to
do good job in my neighborhood, seein'
as I was a prominent man an my
recommend would be valuable to
him in his business, an drew up
plans for an elaborate system
of rods, which he agreed to
put up for $40. 1t was dirt cheap, and
so signed his contract. After the work
was done paid him the $40, s'posed that
was the end ont. But it wasn't. The
$40 was simply for putting up the rods.
For the rods themselves had to pay
$3.50. I've paid ROYALTIES on patented
farm machinery which fellows would
come along and find in my possession,
and, claiming that by using the machines
1 had infringed on their patents. threat
ened to prosecute me if didn't settle
up. I've bought half dozen receipts
for the manufacture of fertilizers, and as
many sure cures for the hog cholera.
I've been taken in on freight receipts,
lotteries, card games, insurance frauds,
patent right venders, widders, bogus
ministers, spurious charity agents an all
sorts o. skin games, but I've got my eyes
open at last, stranger. =
'Tm goin' farther than Chicago, but
eff you think you kin git half-dollar out
O. me for that little piece O. pasteboard
and that brass check, yer barking up
the wrong tree. Do you take me for a
man who has had no experience in the
affairs O. this worldY- Chicago Herald.