Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-09-23
HOLDING A SEAT.
An ExcursiOnist's Unhappy Experience.
Detroit Free Press


"Will you be kind enough to watch my
seat here and allow no one to get into it
while I go into the smoking-car and take
a smoker" asked the presumptious pas
senger in the opposite seat of me.
What else could I do but to answer yes,
though I had started out on pleasure ex-
cursion, and this mans condescension
quite knocked all the pleasure out of the
trip at the beginning, and now that fatal
seat lay on my mind like last years debts
provided had some.
At the next station big man came in,
and, spying the only vacant seat, pre-
empted il on the spot, and proceeded to
make himself comfortable. I sat long
time considering how far my responsible
lily went, but I saw that I must do some
thing, so mildly whispered to him that
the seat belonged to another, and he
scowled and left at the next station,
where some ladies got aboard. As last
resort placed my new hat over in the
seat to preserve 1.-THE seat, not the hat
and two of the females sat down on the
hat. They die not appear to notice the
hat, or probably thought it was the hustle
and began to make themselves at home.
[ told them as coolly as I could that the
seat was occupied. They said of course
1t was. [ remarked that the owners hat
was under them. They obliterated me
with frown and got up the hat didn't
get up. It's getup was gone. I tried to
stralghten out the hat and felt sick; so
did the hat. I indulge inwardly in some
strengthy secular languase and soon a
tall, long-haired fellow got aboard, whose
pantaIoons were poceted into his boots to
rest, and whose shirt yearned toward a
wash-tub, and took the fatal seat without
paying any attention to me waving him
away.
L had to do it, though I shuddered. I
walked to him and gently and politely
told him the seat belonged to another
man, when all of a sudden he jumped
up as If there was tack in the seat and
gave a regular Comanche howl, as I sat
back into my seat, wishing there was
trapdoor through the floor of the car.
''This seat belongs to another, does it
Where is the duffer? Where are his symp-
toms? Nothing here. Where are his re
mains, his silk umbreller, his peanut shells
his tobacker spit, his chewing gum shoes,
his fur collar Overcoat, his thirty eight
caliber valise, and his eye-glass? Show
me, if you please, his assets his liabilities,
his heirs, administrators, or assigns!
Where is his mortgage, or his lien or
twenty years lease? 1 am Cross Eyed
Bill from Brazos land he parenthecized
the name with a couple of long horn re-
volvers). Are you the ozone, the canned
fruit man who is trying to preserve this
seat for the coming man Or rising genera
tion?"
begged to prove an alibi, insanity, or
anything legal that was necessary or
would do any good, and begged him not
to mention it, when in came the former
occupant and asked the stranger shortly
to get out. The stranger got out and
the owner of the seat began to fall all
over himself, to explore the ceiling with
his feet, to test the floor, to unhandle the
neighboring seats and when the stranger
laid him gently down in the aisle and
spread him out comfortably to rest, and
recuperate and catch his breath, and get
his health back, and try to feel better,
and try to be easier, and wait for a doc
tor, and gather his senses, had time to
think that it was the right way for man
to be served who will ask another to hold
his seat during his absence.