The Arkansaw traveler., 1886-02-27
THE SWAMP DOCTOR.
A Man Who Fears Nothing but Whom
 All Men Should Fear.

All en should rear.
 At one tune the legislAtu re of Arkan- saw attempted to repeal the swamp doc. tor and withdraw him from ciFculation but the efi ort was a failure. In Arkan- saw the swamp doctor fourishes like q green bay rum tree. One of his pecu. liarities is that he always comes from somewhere else. lie does not write pre- scrip,ions, bu. carries his medicines with him. He portions off his powders with barlow knife. If he were to lose his barlow his currency would become much contracted. His motto Is, sink or swim, live or die but give me my barlow or give ma death" He repudiAtss all scientific diseases. He wouldn't have spinal meningitis. He wouldn't permit 1t to stay in the house. He has no faith in 1t. He looks with disgust upon John .Bnght's disease; and with suspicion re- gards typhoid lever. He wants malahai lever and the spring halt. The majority oi people do not know what the spring halt is. It is disease which results from batting too long in the spring. It is some times called string halt but the public Should beware of limitations. The swamp doctor loves the chills. He would rather see an epidemic of chills than to be the principal judge at a colt show. The label on his bottle of chill tonic does not read "shake we'll before taking" bu. says "take we'll before shaking" This he .k.o~s cut as a warning. Yea William ness Is his best friend. The vulgar minded call 1t Biliousness, but the cdu- ca,ed and enlightened public Is cautioned to beware.
 Several days ago, the sheriff of Pulaski county, Ark, while out hunting for a gentleman who had filled friend so full of buckshot that he was entirely over come, came upon a swamp doctor.
 "I am looking for the distinguished non-evangelistic citizen who emptied a lead mine into the social system of the Hon. John Rasmain," said the sheriff. Do you know where can fad him 2"
 "Yes, he is over in the swamp, but un- less you are well armed you'd better le. him alone"
 have a good pistol"
 Tk~ -a-c Anranr artiAA Ma Aaax sir" said he, "that man cares nothing for firearms. was at his house once when he had shotgun roas. and pistol soup for dinner, set of with fried cas- tridges. You'd better arm yourself if you want to take him."
 "Whas mus. get, a cannon 1"
 "My dear sir, he lunches of slices of cold canon"
 "Then what must take 2"
 "I1l fix you," replied the swamp doc tor. He went into the house and re- turned with bottle of medicine. The sheriff vas delighted. He took the bottle, threw down his useless pistol and hurried into the swamp.
 He found his man nursing what the sheriff at first thought was hollow log, bat which hs s..esss discovered vas a gun.
 "I wan, you" said the sheriff.
 The man snickesed and disdalnfuily replied: "Weil, pm here, but let me tell you that have loaded this thing with . kag of nails. Look !' He reached down into the barrel of his gun and drew out . handful of nails and . cast iron piow point. "I do not want to hamper your digestion said he. "bu, fl you come 3 step nearer will cucumber you with hardware"
 The snezii replied: "l well know your character and have come pre- pared for you. No~ it Is your time to look."
 The sheriff took out the bottle snd shook 1t. The man burs, into tears and sank upon his knees, Spare me" he implored. "I will 20 with you, 1 will be your slave, 1 viii 90 to the county con vict farn and, when the aewspaper re- porten come around and ask me how [ am treated, will tell them that am happy and beg them not to let asy one tzke me away"
 The sheriff brought the man to town
 Arkansav could not well dispense with the services of the swamp doctor. He has brought many man to justice. Das- ing many years Back Snort Patter son de-