davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13
Everything Goes Wrong .

In the bodily mechanism when the liver gets
out OF order. Constipation, dyspepsia. contains.
nation Of the blood, imperfect assimilation. are
certain to ensue. But it is easy to prevent these
consequences, and remove their cause. by a
course of Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, which
stimulates the hillary organ and regulates its
action. The direct result is a disappearance OF
tbs pains beneath tho ribs and through the
shoulder blade, the nausea, headaches, yellow
ness Of the skin, furred look Of the tongue. and
sour odor OF the breath, which characterize liver
complaint. Sound digestion and a regular habit
OF body are blessings also secured by the use OF
this celebrated restorative OF health, which I'M.
parts a degree OF vigor to the body which Is its
best guarantee OF safety from lnalarial epidein-
les. Nerve weakness and over-tension are re-
lieved by it, and it improves both appetite and
Rlaep.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13
Alter Many bars.

On . Michigan Central train . prom.
inent citizen OF Detroit. who had .
heat in the smokinR-car. crossed over
to o young man who was vigorously
putting away and asked for q light.
The favor was granted. and the prom,
met Detroitsr observed:
"Live in the city,"
yes"
sGoing to Chicago"
Yes"
Aren't you in the grocery business? ?"
mo, SIR"
"Ah! / thought ! had met you be.
fore at some time or other. Your face
looks familiar"
IL used to court your daughter +
stammered the young man.
"Oh-ho! About three years ago."
Yes"
"And I gave you the bouncey
.Yon did,
sAhi l believe I do recall the cir.
cumstance. ! don't know but ] kicked
youY"
YES. you did,
"Ahl Well. / bounced and kicked
80 many that / can't be expected to re.
member names and faces. take adj
vantage Of this occasion to beg your
pardon and hope you've fully recovered
from the effects. Have o cheroot Pr
Detroit Free Press.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13
A Retreat for Mild LunaticS.

There are asylums enough, and re-
treats galore for that unhappy class OF
society who are recognized as having
definitely parted company with their
wits. but there is, unfortunately, still
lacking q satisfactory place into which
may be gathered the mild lunatics.
There is, however, no other class of
human beings who contribute SO
largely to the disorganizati6n and dis
comfort OF society. who are the
gilmore objurgation, who more often
clog the wheels OF progress and are. in
general terms. more obnoxious to the
peace aud well-being Of their fellow
mortals than these same mild lunatics.
The varieties OF mild lunatics. and.
OF course, OF their offensiveness, cover
IN equally vide range. Some are
merely amusing, OF merely irritating
to diseased or unstrung nerves. as the
harmlessly idiotic dudes who wander
10 and fro in tho corridors Of the thea
ter, or stare ~vacantiy from club win.
dows. Others are more generally ag.
g~ravating, as the cousin who asks ad-
vice. and then. when by an absolute
disregard Of IL she has got herself into
some ~intolerable ENHANCEMENT, throws
herself upon your mercy because she
has had the benefit OF your counsel
before embarking upon the enterprise
which has ended SO disastrou,ly
There il, too. the individual who al
ways contr.ves, with an ingenuity which
is little short OF supernatural, to mis-.
under stand everything which is said or
done, and who goes through life plac-
idly creating confusion and embrogiios
with q serene consciousness OF having
done his whole duty in a dull and I'M
comprehending world. What busy
man has not found that he was obliged
to .expend more energy in rectifying
the errors Of mild lunatics who failed
to comprehend the most obvious facts
and directions than in attending TO all
the legitimate calls Of his business.
1t is not customary, it il true, to pom.
sorts of people as non eoaapos mentis;
but they are certainly to DO regarded
as subject 10 n sort of mild lunacy
which makes II desirable that they
should he restrained from hinderiug
the work OF the world. The business
man who habitually hinders his en-
ployes. puts all possible obstacles in
the way of their usefulness, is jealous
OF their success. can certainly not be
looked upon as sanc since he is work
ing not only against their interests but
against his own. He manifsstly should
be treated as one mentally diseased,
aud q place should DO provided where
he might be comfortable yet be pre-.
vented from being , drag upon the
wheels Of progress; and the retreat for
mild lunatics would be precisely the
place 70 which 10 send him. The NO.
man who keeps her houssheld slways
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13
aelaetfsn ar the Fittest.

Great possibilities have been attributed
by MEN Of science to the process Of selection
and survival Of the fttest; but in railway
travel there is one other thing to be observed.
Of equal, il not greater importance. That
is, selection Of the quickest. There 10 no
more marked example Of this truth than
that afforded by the Danville Route, to
Florida and New Orleans. The Danville
crosses the Ohio River on the new bridge,
near Evansville, and is thus able to cal1y its
passengers from Chicago to Nashville IN
sixteen hours - one-third less than any
competing line. With this advantage at
the start, it is, of course, an easy matter to
maintain the lead to the Gulf, and the Dan.
vile does it. Here, you see, is an oppor-
tunity offered Southern travellers, OF setec-
tion Of the ,fttest and quickest. Palace
Buffet Cars and the highest rate of speed
have contributed their share TO the popular
ity of this line. No change Of cars to Nash
vile, and but one change to New Orleans
and all points in Florida. Send u two
cent stamp TO William Hill, General Pas
senger Agent, Chicago & Eastern Illinois
Railroad, Chicago, and get a copy of the
new illustrated work, "Floride--A Story"
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13
Art Versus Nature.

The roses that looped and fastened a
fine bellies pink gown at a ball in New
York the other night gave rise to much
speculation, and one or two wagers
were laid as to whether they were real
or artificial. The impression that they
were fashioned by natures cunning
hand amounted to a certainty in the
early part of the evening. but as the
night rolled on and the roses neither
dropped nor faded men began to hedge
their bets. In point of fact the flowers
were Of Persian manufacture. but SO
surprisingly well done that, like a well
made-up complexion, they were almost
an improvement upon nature. This
was painting the lily and gliding re-
fined gold' with some success.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

Ben: Perley Poore, in the Boston
Budget, says: Some Western gentle
men called at the White House and
harangued MI. Lincoln in an excited
manner about the omissions and COM
missions of the Administration. He
heard them with his usual patience,
and finally said: Gentlemen, sup
pose all the property you were worth
was in gold, and you had put it in the
hands of Blondin to carry it across the
Niagara Falls OF a tight rope, would
you shake the rope while he was pass
ing over it, or keep shouting to him,
'Blondin, stoop a little more; go a little
faster.' No, l am sure you would not.
You would hold your breath as well as
your tongue, and keep your hands off
until he was safely over. Now, the
Government is in the same situation,
and Is carrying across a stormy ocean
an immense weight; untold treasures
are in its hands; it is doing the best it
can; don't badger it; keep silence, and
it will get safely over"
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13
Paul Jones.

On the Southern coast Of Scotland,
neal the Firth OF Solway. where lived
q boy by the name Of John Paul. He
early had a passionate love for the
sea, and at the age of IL began his life
as a sailor.
After many adventures he finally
came to Virginia, just as the war was
breaking out between England and
the Colonies. and for some unknown
cause changed his name to Paul Jones.
His impulsive nature at once sympa-
thized with the American cause, and,
offering himself for service, he was
commissioned as a Lieutenant in the
Navy. He began his career with all
the energy OF his fiery nature.
1t was his hand" so the story goes,
that raised the first American flag, and
his gallant daring soon won him q
Captains commission.
After several victories he was for a
time inactive, in hopes of obtaining o
better command. But his restless ma.
ture soon became impatient at the de-
lay, and sailing with o single vessel to
the British coast, he began his dashing
exploits. swooping down, in his wild
flight, on castle and town, he
spread terror throughout England and
Scotland.
Finally he obtained, through the as.
sistance OF France. the command of a
squadron OF five vessels, and started on
his eventful cruise. His
sprang up all over the seas, and in less
than q month he had captured twenty.
six vessels. But he achieved the great.
est victory when his squadron fell in
with an English fleet Off the coast Of
Scotland. The fight was terrific, can
nonade followed capnonade in the ter
rible struggle for mastery. it was
when Jones' ship was already leaking
and many OF his men disabled, that all
the grandeur Of his persevering brav.
cry broke ont in the reply: II have
not yet begun to fight" when asked II
lie Lad struck his colors." and bring.
ing his vessel alongside Of his antagon-
ist, he dashed them together and gained
the victory inst as his vessel was ready
to sink.
This contest won him the highest
honor and admiration. The king OF
France presented him with a gold
swo d, and Congress ordered q medal
to he awarded him for his bravery.
Not only did his victories have a
great effect on the final event of the
war, but they helped to rouse France
to the s'istance OF the American
cause. and awakened now hope within
the Americans themselves.
At tho close of the war he entered
for a time in the service OF Russia, aud
in 1892. at Paris. his life, rest
less as the sea he loved, found its quiet
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13
Where He Would Have Sent Him,

"If l had been Solomon" said a curb
stone philosopher, Il don't think |
would have sent the lazy man to the
ant"
Where would you have sent him?"
inquired a man with a dropping nose
who needed shaving badly.
II would have sent him TO the hor-
net"
And what good would that have
done:"
"A greal deal, my friend. One hor-
net would have taught him more about
enterprise in five minutes than he
could have learned from a whole col
ony of ants in three weeks by the clos
est Kind OF observation. If you want
to timber a mans joints in a hurry,
send him to the hornet every time and
you won't miss it. The hornet means
business from the very start, and don't
you forget it, Chicago Leager.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

GEN. TooMBs had a peculiar way OF
getting round defeat. In controversy
with a Northerner, who finally ex-
claimed, swell, General, we licked
you, anyhow he retorted, Licked
US! No, sir! No such thing! We
wore ourselves out whipping you'll
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

THE fisheries of the world furnish a
greater supply of food to the people
yearly than would be credited. Last
year in Great Britain $50, 900 tons of
fish were taken, which is equivalent to
l5,5OO,0 900 sheep, allowing twehty-
eight sheep to the ton. In Canada
last year 237 $50 tons were caught, or
about an equivalent to 7,844. 600 sheep.
The value of the Canadian fish for 1854
was ST.. Q52. 72l.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

Or. W. d. Wright. Cincinnati, Ohio. sends the sub
Joined professional endorsement: Il have prescribed
DR. wM. HALLS BAISiM FOR THE LUNGS In 4
great number Of cases. and always with success. One
case in PARTICULAR was given up by several physicians,
who had been called in for consultation with myself.
The patient had al the symptoms.of confirmed Con.
sump.ion-cold night sweats. hectic fever harassing
coughs. etc. He commenced Immediately to get bet.
ter, and was soon restored TO hts usual health. I
found DIR wM HALLS BALSAM FOR H LUNGS
the most valuable cxpectorant for breaking UP dis.
tressipr eouphs and colds"
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13
What Would the World DO

withoot woman! asks the essGyist who starts
out 10 say something new on this oft-tr Gated
subject. OF course. the human element of
tho word would not esiys ~ithoet -e,na-. .,
the question Is gratnitous. 1t woald have
been far more sensible 10 ast: What would
the world do without the salvation o. woman,
without a panacea for her physical Ills and q
cuie for her peculiar dis asses. In IL word,
what woula tho wor d do without DR.. Pierce's
"Favorits Prescription" t0e greet remedy
Ter female WEAKNESSES? it Is indispensable
for the ills Of womankind.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13
The BEGINNING Of Discretion.

A stranger is about to enter q SUN.
mer garden in which concerts are held.
He goes to the pay Office and inquiries;
what is the price OF admission ?"
Cashier tat Observation-Disclosures
you like to give"
Stranger puts down twenty cents.
Cashier -"Reg your pardon, sir, you
seem to be q stranger. Discretion com
mences at fifty cents Fiege'ade
Rlpfter.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

WoKas ARE THE Hcou1oB OF CHILDHOOD:
Thousands OF children die or grow up weak and
sickly, with disordered nerves and etnnfed
minds, the food necessary to their growth hsv-
ing been eaten by these disgusting parssiteA
DR. WALKER's CALIFORNIA VINEGAR brTTsns
NOT only expels worms. but frees the stomach
from the unhealthy secretions in which they
bread
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

IT is NO moro possible for IN idlc man
to keep together a certain stock OF
knowledge than it is possible to keep
together q stock OF ice exposed to the
meridian. Every day destroys a fact,
q relation, or an influence; and tho
only method OF preserving the bulk
and value Of the pile is by constantly
adding to IL.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13
Nightmare,

sick-headache, depression of spirits, and want
of ambition are symptoms OF adiseased liver
The lungs, tomach ard bow els are all in
sympathy. Life is OILY q living doith. DIR.
Pierce's Golden lSed'cal Discovery acts
upon the torpid liver, aud esectually removes
o these difficulties sni disorders. Nervous
fe lngs, gloomy forehodings, and irritabil!ty
of temper al disappear.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

APPARENTLY thcrc arc I'm peopio
who never get q chance to succeed, yet
the majority fail moro frequently be.
cause their cflorts arc tardy and spirit
lesa, rather than because tho oppcftu.
mites 10 win are scarce.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

Ice men along the Kennebec and
Penobscott Rivers r preparing to
gather this winters crop Of the frigid
article. If the Maine houses O
empty be filled, it is said the crop will
be the largest eyer gathered in that
section-footing up far above 200, GOO
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13
In the H0Snitals.

Baltimore and Philadelphia hospital ply
sicians are prescribing the new proprietary
medicine. Red Star Cough Cure. 1t con-
tains neither morphia, opium. nor any other
injurious ingredient. The price is only 25
cents
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

BURNS and scalds are instantly rendered
painless, and invariably cured without . scar,
by the use Of CarbOlisalve the great skin rem.
edy. 25 and 80 cents, at Druggists, or by mail.
Cole 4 Co, Black River Falls, Wis.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

~SsSxATcHEwAN FIRE what. In car lotsl
Genuine. Send for samples and priceli List. WI.
Al crncthy, so~lsorigina,or. Minneapolis MINI.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

WHEx a man dies In AndAman, So
cioty Islands, they paint him rcd, white,
and blue, so great Il their respect for
ths Ameriean dag.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

Young or middle-aged men suffering from
nervous debility and Kindred weaknesses
should send 10 cents IA stamps for large illus
trated treat Sc sua gast.ng sure means Of cure.
Worlds Dispensary Medical Association, Buff
faio. n Y.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

l have been selling Athlophoros and it
has greatly relieved some who have used
it for rheumatism and neuralgia. l rec
onmend it to my customers and think l
am doing them a benevolent act. II. g..
Nelson. druggist Eddyvills. Iowa.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

In the National House of R%epresen-
tatives there are AZ Johns, q Jameses,
40 Williams, q Charleses, II Thorn
asses and 10 Georges.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

OYER .0J.lU0 Howe 81 alec h1ve been sold.
AMI tbs ds siand Increasing continually. For
den Sleek S to. agents, Cbicaso, u.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

A BOY of 10 and a girl OF 10 from
Kentucky were married in Ohio the
other day. This beats the usual Ken
lucky figure.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

Foe sick and nervous headaches, constipa-
ton, and liver troubles. take Ayer's pills.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

INvlooRArE, renew, and beautify the hair By
the use Of Ha1l's Hair Reviewer.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

RxapxcT r ~ tsasst homage 81 the
hssSt
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13
The Doctors Endorsement,

BRONCHITIS Is Cured by frequent smi
doses OF Piso's Cure for Consumption.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-01-13

L 4 u pCOt AuuLiNlSk IL pOLIoWo
trouble. A Sioux chief is learning to
ride q bicycle, and the final extermina-
ton of the aboriginal race is now only
a question of time. "All l want is JUS
tice." said the tramp. Three months"
said the Justice. Advice 10 butcher
Ii q man refuses to pay his bill for
mutton-suet. Eternal indigestion is
the price of pie. A petrified mule hoof
has been found in Pennsylvania. This
surprises us. We had no idea o mule
could keep its hoof still long enough
for that. Me- YORK. Graphic,
The Northwestern standard., 1886-04-03
A Visit to Saltwater.

| A representative of the STANDARD
paid short visit to Saltwater the lat
| ter part Of the week, in the interests Of
| this paper. saltwater is a fiourishing
city with a population of about $4,000
souls Its volume of trade in compar-
ison with the number of inhabitants
does not take second place toany city
to-day in the United States 1t has
never experienced forced or unhealthy
growth during its existence, but has
gained steadily year by year. The
Irish people predominate In number,
and are of the thrifty class. They take
a great pride in their unassuming little
city, and like true Irishmen all the
world over will rejoice with their couI-
trymen in other parts Of the union
when ireland takes her place among
The nations Of the world. The bust
ness interests of the city are in the
hands of shrewd, wide-awake men, and
from the observations made by the
STANDARD man he was lead to realize
the force Of the old adage, with slight
variation: 'The minds Of the business
men Of fStiliwater run deep" saltwater
has q large number of Catholic socie-
ties, and if the evidence which the
STANDARD representative observed
be forerunner of success the members
OF these associations need have no fear
for their future. In this respect par
ticular attention might be drawn TO the
temperance societies and the Ancient
Order of Hibernians.
The STANDARD representative met
with an enthusiastic reception from
every one with whom he came in con-
tact, and many expressions Of success
were rendered him. a feeling appeared
TO prevail among the Irishmen
called upon to have their names
as near the head Of the
STANDARDS roll Of honor as possible.
aud although there remains few people
who have not yet subscribed. We expect
TO soon Have EN- on the list. Par
ticuiar among the friends enlisted III
behalf Of this paper might be mentioned
the names of Father Murphy J Ohm Nc
Carthy, and 2. j. Murphy. and the
management return thanks for kind
assistance and courtesy in Introducing
their representative to many Influential
persons Of the city.
Any of the Saltwater people who
have not yet subscribed and desire to
10 SO, can be accommodated by calling
on any OF the following persons: T. j.
Murphy. John J. Walsh, and Dc. L.
6rifin
The funeral Of Miss Nellie WEIGH, Of
Saltwater, took place on Monday last.
at 10 a. 10. from st. Miehaels' Church
and vas largely attended by sympathe-
tizing friends. The deceased young
lady was but twenty years Of age, and
was highly esteemed By a large circle of
acauaintances.