The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-05-13
WIT AND HUMOR.

beginning or the present session. III
point of craftsmanship the West is rap
idly taking the lead of the rest of the
country.
Country Aunt-"It must be terrible
hard work dancing at full-dress ball. "
City Niece dressed for the balD-"It is
very fatiguing." c. Al thought so,
seeing as you're almost stripped to the
waist for it. '-BoStoa Courier.
A Wisconsin minister was dismissed
from an orthodox pulpit because he
built fire under balky horse. Fire
may do very well fer starting stub
born sinner on the right road, but it's
cruel to use it on horse.-Boston Post.
Public Speaker Ito reporter) You
told me that you took all the points |
made in my speech yesterday; and here
you have got only two lines, simply say
ing that addressed the meeting. And
l spoke at least an hour" Reporter
assure you, sir, that every point you
made is in my report Boston Tran
script.
They were discussing at the dinner
table the question of capital punishment
A young physician, who was warm
partisan of the side which favored its
|
custom. One man has no right to take
| on the other side: Nevertheless, mon
sieur, you are doctorn'
Magdalen Miller of Greenville, Pa, is
80 years old, is in vigorous health, and
has chewed tobacco for seventy years.
The lesson conveyed by the record of
this fine old lady is married by the fact
that so many people who have chewed
| tobacco have not lived to the age of 80.
| There seems to be no moral to the case
at Chicago Tribune.
1t is rumored that new magazine
| will shortly appear which will make r
specially of printing in each number a
article relating to the ..late War" BE-
tween the North and the South. 1t
strikes US that this is an excellent idea.
We have often wondered why our maya
zines and weekly papers didn't print
| War article now and then.
Several years ago two gentlemen of
dignifed bearing visited school in this
city and seemed much interested in its
Rotations. Finally they asked few
! questions, whereupon the teacher, hav-
ing never seen them before, innocently
inquired: "Are you strangers in the
city?" "Well, no. answered the holder
| of the two, 1--WE are members of the
School Committee
"Say, old man, I'll have to recall that
] invitation | gave you for dinner next
Saturday" "Certainly; but, old fellow,
/ hope there's nothing wrong" 80,
nothing at all; but we've suddenly taken
notion to observe Lent at our house"
'1ndeedP" ''Yes You see, dropped
cool $4,000 in stocks, and my wife
has discharged her cook I'm beginning
to take an interest in religious mat
tiers. "-Philadelphia Press
The little 2-year-old son of grocer
was sitting in his chair near the stove,
when his father brought in a Jug of
vinegar for a customer. The little child
clapped his hands and said: "Whisky!
whiskyr' That's very singular" re-
marked the customer. Not at all" re-
piled the grocer THE little fellow was
born in a prohibition town where there
are no saloons, and he thinks every Jug
he sees is full of whisky.-Ieras Svt-
tngs.
Six natives of Oregon and one tender
foot encamped in the mountains thirty
miles from anywhere. Their provisions
were as follows: Three quart-bottles of
whisky, one demijohn of whisky, one
key of whisky, one bottle of blackberry
brandy, one bottle of blackberry "bit-
ters," twenty-five bottles of beer, seven
loaves of bread, two pounds of cheese,
one ham. The last items in the bill of
fare were provided probably for the ten
derfoot.
Hotel Cashier Sorry, sir, but we do
not cash any checks But am from
California and have 100000 in bank
at San Francisco" Every likely, but
how are we to know thatp" well, sir,
here is the copy of an affidavit which
Miss Swillers has filed against me in a
suit for breach of promise" Il beg a
thousand pardons. Happy to accom-
MEDIATE you. If you run short again
during your stay just hand in your check
at any time"
Attorney examining witness) You
say you saw the shots fired?" Witness
Yes, Sir" Attorney-s'How near
were you to the scene of the affray?''
Wltness-''When the first shot was fred
was ten feet from the shooter" At
torney-"Ten feet. Well, now, tell the
court where you were when the second
shot was fired" Witness-"I didn't
measure" MISUNDERSTANDING APP
| proximately, how far should you sayp''
Wltness-''Well, it approximated to half
a mile. It'd Bits.
The reverend gentleman who occupies
a position on our School Board was a
few days ago speaking before the pupils
OF one of our primary schools In refer
ring to ancient history he was endeav-
orlng to impress upon the youthful mind
the prime Importance of the religion
which the Pilgrims enjoyed. He asked
this question. what did the Pilgrims
have that was more precious than home
and friends when they landed?" A little
bright-eyed boy promptly answered:
Popcorn"
De Jones-'I called around to your
office yesterday, doctor, and found you
had moved" DR.. Pighead-"Yes I'm
located now at One Hundred and Thirty
second street" De Jones-"Why, there
can't be any practice for you out there
Not more than three houses within a
radius Of three-quarters of mile" DIR.
Plghead-''Well, there's a football
ground on one corner, a skating rink
on another, and saloon opposite. I'd
like to know what more a man wantsr'
Rambler
Bromley, I'm having a wretched
time with my wife. We wrangle fear
fully. and she's so wordy that She over
whelms me every time" "Well, OAR
ringer. these little pleasantries are not
to be avoided, it seems. My wife and 1
have reduced them to science. She
demands but two words, and / good
naturedly let her have them. It's a
small concession, you see." II should
think it was. l envy you. Bromley,
pom my soul do. o, by the way, what
are the two words?" The first and the
last"
why do you applaud at this timep''
asked gentleman of another, who in
dulged in vigorous manifestations IF do