Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-02-15

A LooUACIoUs OLD DUDE WHO
WORRIED A PRETTY MAID.

be a newspaper man." said a Pullman
car conductor to NEWS man on Flor
ida train the other day.
eyes, Pm a MORNING NEWS man."
"The MORNING NEWS, eh? Well, that's
the paper for me. I've had a little ex-
perience in that line myself l once
edited a country weekly up in Ohio, and
afterwards secured a place as reporter
on a Cincinnati paper, but the boys were
too swift for me and / had to resign to
save the city editor the trouble of bounc-
ing me. had sense enough TO know that
/ couldn't keep up, so 1 got out Of the
way as gracefully as l could"
Nv hich do you like better, railrOading
or journalism" asked the NEWS repre-
sentative.
81 like railroading better because l can
get along easier. If 1 could master the
newspaper business as easily as l have
mastered taking up tickets and bOssing
| the porter OF this car, / would like to be
| on a live paper. Pm great student of
human nature and like journalism for
that, but next 10 being on a newspaper a
sleeping car affords the best field for that
line of study"
81 suppose you meet some queer GUS
| toners, don't yOuY
! Eyes, sir; lots OF 'em every day. Every
! car is full Of them. There are dozen on
| board right now. By the way, you see
that pOrtly old cuss over there talking to
the pretty girlW
eyes"
"Well, he's queer stick. Tie got on
at Jacksonville. 1 gave him the only
lower berth i had. 1t was in the forward
part OF the car, and he kicked like a wolf
because l couldn't put him at the rear
end. What in thunder he wanted to get
in the rear end for l don't know. There
is no difference in the two ends of the car,
and he only kicked to hear himself talk;
! that's what think. pve been watching
him for two hours and have concluded
that he is harmless old fellow, whose
| only fault is his vanity. He hadn't been in
the car twenty minutes before he moved
over near that pretty girl aud began to
talk TO her. got in the seat behind her
to find out whether he was ann0ying her
or not, but she didn't seem to mind it, so
/ left him alone. 1t would have been a
heap better for her if she had shown some
annoyance, for then would have bounced
| him, and thus saved her terrible bore
ing"
HAS he been worrying herr"
"Worrying herW That's no name for
it. He's been fairly killing her. See how
weary she looks. She's mor'en BALI dead.
| Do you know, that old puddin'-head has
|
theory and the physical sciences ever
! since ne opened up, two hours ago."
just here the train stopped for a mo-
ment and the old gentleman's voice was
heard saving:
Yes, the study OF psychology has not
! been carried far enough. 1t should not be
confined TO the human race but should
extend to the lower animals. There Is
vast difference between the soul of the
| dog and that of the horse. The soul of the
| dog as manifested to us has" but here
the car started, and his voice was drown
ed In the CHATTER of the wheels.
The NEWS man expressed his sympathy
for the poor girl and the conductor
/ chimed in with, Eyes. am sorry for her,
too. l know she would rather be talking
to you or me, or any other good-looking
chap. But there's no help for her unless
we run off the track and that old chap
| gets killed or has his jaw knocked out of
place. She's in for it, sure.'
''Do you meet with many such casesW
''No; they are very rare. This is the
first specimen pve seen IN over four
/ years."
who are your most troublesome
! passengers-the ladies, l suppose?'
"By no means. The worst class we
come in contact with are those fellows
who have made money after having
passed the age Of 80 or 80. They have, as
! ReDIlGlnen,
| and mistake buster, swagger and bully
ing for the best means of asserting their
Importance. Take a fellow like that,
and he can give more trouble to the
square inch than ten car loads of ladies
and children"
Chow do you manage themP
"Why, give them as good as they send.
l regulate my words and actions by theirs,
and find that this always has the de-
sired effect. A few months ago was up
on the Baltimore and Ohio. About 10
o'clock at night d big, clustering fellow
got on at a way station, and hardly got
his foot in the car before he ordered me to
make down section at once"
"YOu can't have section 4" I said.
"Why in the devil can't l, sir? Pve
paid for IL, and IL anybody is in IL want
you to GUST him."
There's no use talking" said, "that
section has been occupied all day, and
| don't Dust anybody"
"Well, will" he said. Show me the
place, aud I'll get him out mighty quick.
That section belongs to me. paid for it
two hours ago, and telegraphed you TO
hold il for me. Show me the place and
I'll bounce the fellow in a hurry"
"All right" l said, ''come ahead. but
feel it my duty to tell you that you are
liable to get the life shot out of you. as
Colonel --, 4 big West Texas cattle
man, and his wife are occupying the two
berths at present, and l don't think he
likes his sleep broken
This cooled him on mighty quick, and
he determined not 20 take section seven.
After telling me his private opinion of the
station agent and the telegraph operator,
who he said had robbed him, he said he
would take some other section. had got
mighty tired OF his big talk. and as there
was not a vacant bed in the car l told
him he could not get any section at all"
"'Do you know who am, STRIP he de-
manded: 4 am the intimate friend Of the
President and manager OF this road, and
don't propose to cit in the smoking car all
night when ] am on this road"
81 don't know anything about them or
you, ether I said, but do know that
1 want you 90 stop talking so lond, and
that you've got 10 get out OF this car right
now. II Is a matter Of Indifference 70 me
whether you sit In the smoking car or
ride on the cowcatcher. Gitp You
should have seen him. he fairly fOamed
with rage, but quieted down when called
the porter 70 put him out, and went away
swearing that he would have the whole
crew discharged"
Here the train stopped at another sta
tiOn, and the voice OF the old gentleman
across the way was heard. Uranus
makes nearly two revolutions for one OF
! Neptune. Saturn nearly three for one of