Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-11-24
NEWSPAPER WIT.

cause III Is E0iSAl1S III AIuSAe'uu. -@HO.
JOHNNY, have you paternal gov
eminent at your house?" JOHNNY
guess SO. I've seen pa turn all the
children over his knee.-TexasS ftings.
Shelby the way, who is that lady
inwhite you have been SO attentive to
this EVENING"" He-"Attentive to
You are mistaken; that's my wife. y
Life.
A KENTUCKY man took the mother
of his wife by the hair and dragged her
through q barbed- fence. Heis one
of the very few men who know how to
amuse a mother. in-laW.-Newman In
dependent.
YOUNG lady (reading card just
brought in)-Frank S. S. Smith.
Young man (who dislikes the inter
ruption-Dear mel his mother must
have suffered when he was christened.
Hampers Bazaar.
1T is said that the human race is
destined to be bald and toothless.
This need not alarm the people seri-
ously. A great many have been born
that way, and the race is none the
worse for it.-LoweH Times.
SCHOOL teacher-Now, Master Kir-
by, suppose [ should say, "I didn't
have no fun at the picnic" How
would you go to work to correct me.
Master Kirby-"I sh'd say you'd bet
ter study grammar, teacher"
A COLLECTOR of curiosities visited g.
dealer in antiquities, and. examining
relic Of the past, said: "You guaran-
tee the origin and genuineness of this
article?' GAS If Ihad madei it myself"
replied the unblushing dealer.-Lon-
don Globe.
DISTINGUISHED foreigner-"I am
amazed at the luxuriance OF your
American hotels. | cannot under
stand how they can afford such lavish
OUTLAWS" American traveler-"You
have not inquired for your bill, have
you?" ssN0." 81 thought not. -
Omaha World.
"MR FEATHERLY," said Bobby, ig-
noring his mothers signal to keep still,
"did you ever hear pa whistle ?" 'No,
Bobby" laughed Featherly, Il never
have had that pleasure" "Well, you
will" went on Bobby. "He told ma
that he lent you So last night and he
expected to whistle for it. New York
Sun.
A LITTLE boy wanted to stay from
school and knew his mother wouldn't
let him unless he was sick. So his
mother said: "Why, my little man,
are you sick this morning?" The lit
tie man not knowing a whole vocabu-
larry Of ailments to select one from, on
the spur of the moment said, eyes,
ma am; my teeth itcn."
ssPAPE, l wish you would help me
translate my Latin exercise" said
Johnny Fizzletop. Il can't do it, my
son." Didn't your parents make you
learn Latin when you were a bOy?"
''No, Tommy, they did not make me
learn Latin" ''What good parents
you must have had. Iwish mine were
that ."-Texas Siftings.
De BAGGs-Here's another case of
man eating four watermelons at one
sitting. l don't believe in those gas
tromonic feats. De Baggs-Don't eh
What Woald you say if
brought you man who had
eaten peck of onions at one
meal? De Baggs-I wouldn't say any
thing. I'd run away.-PhIadeiDhia
Cal.
MRS. HENDRICKS, the landlady lat
Sunday dinner)-I am not feeling at
all we'll to day, and [ am becoming
conscious of the fact that | am not as
strong as I used to be. Dumley (sym-
pathetically)-One never appreciates
good health until one has lost it. Ii
you are not feeling strong, Mrs. Hend-
ricks, perhaps had better carve the
turkey.-Sun.
ONE of these mathematical iends
calculates that if the Chinese nation
were to pass before an observer in sin
ole file the procession would never
cease, for q new generation would be
coming on the stage as fast as the
nrocession moved. This fact, it seams
to us, ought to discourage the Chinese
nation from getting up such a process
sion. And it probably will.-Norris-
town Herald.
eyes, Bobby" said the minister,
who was dining with the family,
1seyerything in this world has it's use,
although we may not know what 1t ls.
Now. there is the fly, for instance.
You wouldn't think that flies were
good for anything, yet, 20
yes. I would" interrupted Bobby;
know WnaC Lies dIO SOOO W.
"What, Bobby" "Pa says they are
the only thing what keeps HIM awake
when you are preaching. Life.
"Now, my DEAR" he said, as he pre-
nared to leave home after supper, "the
market has been feverish ali day" 81
see." elf wheat should go up g. cent
or two this evening | might not be
home until late" Exactly" "And
in case wheat goes down don't expect
me before midnight" 81 see. Well
dear, you run along and keep your eye
on wheat, and stay as long as ycu
care to, for I've asked Col. Haskini
over to play whist this evening, ane
he'll be sure TO stay until midnight
The fever subsidized and wheat stooC
still, and the husband was back befor'
9 o'clock.-WaH Street News.
was g. horrid old uncle of two dea,
young creatures who kissed them botl
on meeting them 81 a tennl