Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-13
NEWSPAPER WIT.

HE meanest church oreanist lives
In Philadelphia. He is ali bent with
age, and the other day, at the wedding
OF an antique Philadelphia belle whom
ne knew many years before, he aston
lsfed everybody by playing a fantastic
on the air, "When You and I Were
Young"
CHARLEY, what is achestnut bell?"
said his girl. ooh! it's g. bell that
rings when anyone tells an old story"
swell, they couldn't call me a chest.
nut belle; l have no ring" 1t sue
ceeded, and they are to be married
when Charley has his salary raised
New York Sun.
A WELL-KNowN East End gentleman
recently received h note from a man
in Allegheny which read thus: ''Dear
Sir: | have seen your advertisement
for cook for three days in the papers
When you get what you want please
send the rest of the girls to me, as I.
don't care to advertise. "-Pittsburg
| Chronicle.
Ooh, well, you temperance people
can talk all you want, but you don't
convince me that life amounts to any
thing without sociabllity," said Chi
cago hotel guest to g. visiting lecturer.
eve are sociable enough" was the an
swer. eyes; but not in the right way.
like to toast my friends" $50 does
the devil"
| go, DOCTOR, my husband is very sick
with the fever, and I am afraid he will
not live till night, wart something
for him." "Well, I'll send him nv
preparation" 80 no, doctor, he is
already prepared, for he told us so
this morning, SO he doesn't need that;
1T Is some medicine we want to break
the fever"
"WHAT do you say to q lady when
you are at q ball?" asked g. young
gentleman who went to ball for the
first time. "Talk to her about her
beauty" replied the friend who had
been there before. "But suppose she
hasn't got any," "Then talk to her
of the ugliness of the other women who
are present. Texas SHtings.
PUNCTUATION marks had run out,
and the compositor set the ttnotice:''
If the man who Keeps the shoe store
with g. red head willreturn the umbrel-
Ia to the young lady with iron handle
and whalebone ribs he will hear some
thing to his advantage as it is a gift
of q deceased mother now no more
with the name engraved upon it.
A SUBURBAN lady who objects to
profanity, because it is both wicked
and vulgar, wants to know what she
ought to say when aclothes line breaks
and let's weeks washing fall into the
mud. She ought to say: BLESSED are
the meek for they shall inherit the
earth;" but she probably won't think
of it.-Shoe and Leather Reporter.
He trying to get out of it pleasant
ly)-"I am awfully sorry that l must
go tonight, Miss Bessie. What an
agreeable two weeks we've had of it.
will 60 and ask your father" (he
was going to say to "harness the
horse" She-"O, William, I knew it
would come, and asked pa yesterday,
so as to save you the trouble. He's
more than willing. lid Bits.
MINKs- whats all this talk about
millennium ?" Winks-"O, that's
just the chatter OF a crazy wom-
an out in Ohio. The millen-
MUM won't be along for a mill
ion years yet" $50 it is supposed.
Well, when that time comes and all
the worlds at peace, what will we do
for news?" go! we'll still have the
Irish problem" -Omaha World.
THERE are times when man must
be law unto himself, and the New
Jersey governor seems to be one of
that stripe. In sending the state
tents to Charleston he remarked: ct
see no law for this, but neither do I
see any law allowing earthquakes.
Let there be no more slurs at "Jersey
JUSTICE" at least with such a man to
interpret it.-Fort Worth (Tex) Ca
zette.
The poem published this weeks not
thus rendered immortal by reason Of
it's intrinsic merits, but out of consid-
GRAFTON for it's author. Had the verses
not been published the writer might
have considered himself q poet and
some day been impelled to commit q
greater iniquity. AS it is, somebody
will now kill him and prevent the pos
sibility of the repetition of the offense.
l-ManitouHn (Can.) Expositor.
"DIDN'T the doctor say that you
needed some tonic?" inquired Dali
las husband. eyes, hesaid my system
was broken down and needed some
thing Strengthening, was the reply.
GLOW do you like English porter %
ST can't. bear the taste of it." "Well,
that don't make any difference; can.
Til bring up a bottlefor our dinner to-
morrow" replied the unselfsh hus-
band.---Texas Sifhngs.
ST SUPPOSE" said Dumley, after he
had registered, to the hotel clerk,
chat when guest has no baggage his
| personal appearance has more or less
to do with making him pay in ad-
vance" "Oh, yes" replied the clerk.
GIN this business we soon learn to size
a man up. Will you have your trunk
sent to yourroom, Mr.-er-Dumley ?"
"No, haven't any baggage. I only
expect to be in town q, day or so.''
"Four dollars, please. New York
Sun.
| SHE was sitting in q low rocking