Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-05-19
At the bric-a-brac dealers /:


At the bric-a-brac dealers:
"Oh, what a delicious little vase.
1t is very old, isn't it."
"No, madam, it was made recently.
"Ah, what a pity. 1t is so beauti-
ful." New York Graphic.
The Gazette says there is a great
increase of celibacy in Boston," said
Mr.. Perkins, the other evening.
"Deary me-" sighed Mrs. Perkins,
81 suppose it's all on account of them
high east winds. Is it anything like
dipthery, John ?"-Life.
Visitor, in penitentiary; "What
brought you to this place my friend P"
Convict: "Sneezing."
Visitor: "Sneezing :"
Convict: "Yis, sorr. 1t woke the
gintleman up, an he nabbed me.
Have ye got a bit of tobacey about
ye, sorr ?"-Ex.
"What has become of the boot
jack?' said Towser, savagely, as he
knocked things about. 81 had it last
night"
"It's on the mantlepiece," replied
Mrs. Towser. 81 covered it with
plush to-day, and painted some flow
ers on it. Isn't it lovely."-Ex.
Benevolent daughter of the house
to rural cousin, who is causing some
delay by his second plate of soup:
81 would like to keep company with
you, if | could"
Josiah, blushing: "Oh, yes-only
-er-I am keepin' company now
with Almira Higgins, of our place"
Life.
This is the season of the year when
the industrious grass plat farmer
cleans up the rubbish off his front
yard, carries it round the house and
throws it over the fence into his
neighbor's back yard. Truly clean
illness and industry are commendable
virtues.-Franklin Penny Press.
"Sir," said the customs officer to
the tourist, 81 thought you told me
you had nothing but your personal
wearing apparel in his trunk"
$50 did"
"Well. how do you account for the
presence of dozen bottles of bran
dy?"
"Oh, that's all right. They are
night caps.-Chicago Rambler.
81 say, waiter" shouted the impa-
tient gentleman, "do you know that
you remind one of the millennium, you
are such long time coming"
81 beg your pardon, sir" replied
the polite attendant, "but you also
remind me of something, to wit, the
American eagle-such distance be-
tween tips, you know."-Ex.
Wife: "How long would fish be
that would weigh twenty pounds?"
Husband: "That depends. Why
do you want to know?"
Wife: "Why Mrs. Jones says her
husband caught fish the other day
that would weigh twenty pounds, and
| was wondering how long he was"
Husband, carelessly: "The fish
was about four inches long"
He had been there.-Free Press.
Bones: "Mr. Johnson, suppose we
were in the Blue Reom at the White
House, and L should pull down two
of the curtains. How much darker
would it be?"
"Interlocator: "Really, Bones, l
can't tell. Well, how much darker
would it be in the Blue Room of the
White House if you should pull down
two Of the curtains ?"
Bones: "Why two shades" It'd
Bits.
Windbag, saloonist: "Now / dold
you poys, you pring desc capitalist to
dere knees, pretty soon, nit dem poy-
COTS"
Workman I'VE know it, Wind
bag. We put it on Mulligan last
week, and brought him to terms in a
jify."
Mulligan, the prewer, you mean 2"
Eyes"
"But gat will raise de brice of beer.
All, Himmel, dat was tyranny
Philadelphia Call.
Petroleum is the topic of the Office,
drawingroom and workshop, and a
great part of our people think enly
of oil, talk only of oil and dream off
oil.
Miss Jennie Smith, the railroad
evangelist, who has been laboring
here, when leaving the other day, APP
preached at the train Captain V,