davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-08-26
nYs EAvoRa SLEEP.
re shows the Dangers Of Being RudeIy
Awakened.


Awakened.
c., ,,rfer favorable circumstances, is a
- Iool Sleep, if natural and undis-
s5,,d 3 sur -ly as useful as any other
Tito discovery. Sleep, whether ad-
- cred at home or abroad, under the
ride influence Of an underpaid preacher
the unyielding wooden cellar door, that
s used as a blanket in the sleeping car, is
harmless dissipat on and a cheerful relaxa-
ton
1t i pet theory of mine that to be pleas
antly Weakened is half the battle for the day
If we coul1 be Weakened BIZ the refrain Of
joyous song, instead of having our front
teeth knocked out by one Of those patent
pillow sham holders that sit up on their hind
feet at the head of the bed, until we dream
that we are just about to enter paradise and
have Just passed our competitive examina-
ton, AMI which then swoop down and mash
US across the bridge Of the nose, there would
BE- less insanity in our land and death would
then BE- regarded more in the light Of
calamity.
No one should be suddenly wakened from
a sound sleep. A sudden awakening reverses
the magnetic currents and makes the hair
pull, TO borrow an expression from Dante.
The awakening should be natural gradual
and deliberate
A sad thing occurred last summer on an
in the smoking car fat man, with ma
genta fringe of whiskers over his Adams
apple and light ecru lambrequin OF real
camers hair around the suburbs of his head
might have been discovered.
He couJd have opened his mouth wider,
perhaps, but not without in juring the main
spring of his neck and turning his epiglottis
out of order.
He was asleep.
He was not only sIumbering, but he waa
putting the earnestness and passionate devO-
ton Of his whole being into it. His shiny,
oil cloth grip, with the rogush tip Of a dis
carded collar just paeping out at the side,
was up In the iron wall pocket of the car
He al-o had, in the seat with him, market
basket full OF misfit lunch, and two bushel
bag contain ng extra apparel On the floor
he had crock of butter, with copy Of The
PunkvilIe Palladium and Stock Growers
Guardian over the top.
He slumbered on in a rambling sort Of
way, snoring all the time in mOnosyllableS,
except when he enormously swallowed his
tonsils, and then he would struggle a while
and get black in the face, while the passen-
gers vainIy hoped that he had strangled.
While he was thus slumbering, with all
the eloduence and enthusiasm Of a man in
the fun meridian of life, the train stopped
with lurch, and the brakeman touched his
shoulder.
"Here's your town" he said. ave only
stop minute You'll have to hustle"
The man, who had been far away, wrest-
ling with Morpheus, had removed his hat
coat and bOots and when he awoke his feet
absolutely refused to go back into the same
quarters.
At first he looked around reproachfully at
the people in the car. Then he reached up
and got his oilcloth grip from the bracket
The bag was tied together with string, and
~ he TOOK it down the string united.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-08-26
STEAMER KILAUEA HOU.
Cameron. Comniander),

VIII leave regularly for Iahaina, Paauhau, Ko-
hoaleIe, Ookala. Kukaiau, HonOhina, LaupahOe-
hoe, Hakalau and Ouomea
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-08-26


Then we all discovered that this man nau
been on the road for long time, with no
object, apparently, except to evade laup-
dr.es. All kinds of ar ,icles fell out in the
aisle remember seeing a chest protector
and linen coat a slab of seal brown ginger
bread and pair of stoga boots, a hairbrush
and a bologna sausage, a plug of tobacco
and porous plaster.
He gathered up what he could in both
arms, made two trips to the door and threw
out all he could. tried again to put his mum
Der eleven feet into his number nine boots,
gave it up, and socbed himself out of the
csr as it began to move, while the brake
man bombarded him through the window
for two mics with personal property, gro
ceries, drygoOds, boots and shoes, gents
furnishing goods hardware, notions, bric-a-
brac, red behring's, clothing, doughnu;s,
Vinegar Bitters and facetious remarks.
Then he picked up the retired snorer's rail
road check from the seat, and l heard him
say: "Why. dog on it, that wasn't his town,
after all Bill Nye in The Current
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-08-26
\. CURRY & BROTHER,

IMPORTERS AND DEALERS IN SHOT
i guns. Rifles and Pistols, Colt winchester
Kennedy and Martin Magazine Rifles. Renlng
ton Sharps and ballard Sporting Rifles. Agents
for Wv. Greener, Colt, Parker and Remington
Breech4oading Double Guns, Colt anu SL a sa q
some street, San Francisco Cal. Sso-lS
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-08-26
STEAMER MOKOLu,
tMcGregor, COmmanderJ,

tMcGregOr, Commander,
Leaves for the following ports every alternate
Monday ) p. m:
Commencing August 2-To Lanai, Kamalo. PIP
koo Iahaina. OlOwalu. Returning to Iahaina,
PukoO, Kamaio. Lanai, arriving at Honolulu sat
urday morning.
Com .nencinS August 9--Fo Kaunakakai, Kama
10. Pukoo, Halawa. Wailau, PeleEunu, Kalaupapa.
Returning to Pukoo. Lahaina. OIowalu, Lahaina.
Pukoo, KamalO, Kaunakakai, arriving at Homo
lulu Saturday morning.
Sc The Company viii not be responsible for
any freight or packages unless rcceipted for, nor
for personal baggage unless plainly marked. Not
responsible for money or jewelry unless placed in
charge of the PurseT,
possible care will be taken Of Live stock, but
the Company Will not assume any risk Of accident.
SAM'L Il. WILDER, President.
:. b. ROSE, Secretary.
OFFICF-COrner Fort and queen streets.
6s-Iy Mar 30
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-08-26
The Young Idea.

"Pap said Bobby, sleepily, "can 1 ask you
one more question if faint foolish"
"Ya-aS, one more"
"How much older is ripe old age than
green Old age?"-Life.
PERILOUs GARDENING.
ooh, Freddie YOU mustn't dig any deeper!
Our te cher said the Chinese lived right down
through the ground, and what would papa
say if you should let them right into our
gardens"-Harpers Bazaar.
A FUTURE MRS PARTINGTON.
A small boy in a bright Merose family
wanted something of-Ais mother yesterday
when she was very busy writing. She was
absorbed in her work, and did not look
up at his repeated mamma. mamma, be
side her elbow. We'll" said he at last,
flinging away from her side in pet, dts no
use to try to make my mamma hear when
she is writing; she's just ignominious of
everything l"-B ston Record
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-08-26
WILDER'S STEAMSHIP CO.,
Limited.
STEAMER KINAU,
king, CommRnuerI

Leaves Honolulu per following schedule,
touching at Lahana, Maaaea, Makena, Mahu.
kona, Kaw alhae LaupahOehOe. Hilo and keauhou:
Commencing on MONDAY. July 20, 1885, and
every alternate Monday at p. M, the Kinau
VIII make the VOLCANO TRIP, reaching Keau-
hou Wednesday morning, where horses and
carriages are in waiting to convey passengers to
the VOLCANO HOUSE Give miles in the saddle
and niue miles by Carriage).
Passengers by this route Will have two days
and two nights the VOLCANO HOUSE.
TICKETS FOR THE ROUND TRIP TO THE
VOLCANO, FIFTY DOLLARS, WHICH Pa YS
ALL CHA RGES.
The Kinau will arrive in Honolulu Sunday
mornings Volcano trips. On HilO trips, will
leave Honolulu on Tuesdays, and return Saturday
morning.
PASSENGER TRAINS will connect with the
Kinau at Mahukona
The Kinau WILL TOUCH at Honokaia and
Paauhau on down trips from Hilo for Passengers
II a signal is made from the shore.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-08-26

Many a man has died and been called
wise, simply because he never gave
tongue to all his thoughts.-Jud La
fagan.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-08-26

Last year the American Bible society
printed 1,437, 440 Bibles and New Testa-
ments.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-08-26

The seeds of many new Zealand plants
are said to grow the better for being
frozen.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-10
P,TH AND POINT.

The first woman complained of hay
ing nothing to wear, and her daughters
have kept the same old story going from
that day to this.-Chicago Ledger.
--'I can give you cold bite" said
the woman. why not warm it up?'
asked the tramp. "There amt any
wood sawed "That so? Well, give it
me cold" IN. Y. Sun.
Up to the time of going to press
New Haven possesses the champion
mean man. He looks through amagni-
flying glass at cent to see that nobody
has stolen feather out of the Indians
head.-New Haven Ne,Us.
A certain Judge was not remarkable
for sagacity on the bench. At an Off
cial ball he criticized the Waiting of
witty member of the bar. "Ah! my
friend, you are bad Walter" "Ah!
but you are bad judge" was the re-
joinder. -Prairie Farmer.
Sliding down hill and shinny-stick
are all the rage under the more elegant
appellations Of tobogganing and polo.
If somebody will only invent high
sounding name for them, we shall not
despair of peg-top, marbles and hop
scotch one day becoming exceedingly
fashionable among the elite.-Boston
Transcript
-"Look here" remarked De Wigs
to the corner grocer, ''this pavement
here is awful slippery. Why don't you
throw some sand on 'itp' Cant get
Bit" replied the grocer. swell. throw
some sugar over it; the pavement won't
know the difference" Chestnut
yelled the grocer.-Pittsburqh Chronicle.
Up in the choir the tenor was max
ing love to the soprano in mutfied voice
while the preacher was waxing eloquent
in the pulpit below. you're dear, )"
the young man whispered. "a doe,
rather" the soprano smiled back. "Ah,
yes," replied the tenor; you're the do
ia mi" She killed him with a look
Chicago Tribune.
-"Some folks say I'm conceited," re-
marked young Popinjay the other day.
"but I'm not. / don't believe in hiding
what I've got under bushel, that S all. I"
THAT'S where you're right, young
man." exclaimed a bystander. approx
ingly; II wouldn't waste bushel on it
| if were you. A small-sized pint meas
ure would be amply sufficient. sooner
yille Journal.
Young artist think my picture is
going to be accepted by the academy.
Friend-You don't say so! Good: l am
glad to hear it. Young artist-Jenkins
told me to-day that while he was before
the hanging committee my work was
brought up for discussion. jenkins said
that the chairman, who has great deal
to say about these things, exclaimed very
pronouncedly: %, hang that picture.
It looks very encouraging, doesn't it?'
-ItdbitS.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-10

cock said not q word. He maintained
this reticence to the end. He had a
hope for 1884, but when his name was
not mentioned in the convention he laid
aside his aspirations forever.
The affection and admiration he
aroused in Southern people peculiarly
touched both him and Mrs. Hancock.
In New Orleans after his celebrated
''order No. 49, he could not go to the
opera without awakening a storm of
applause which interrupted the per-
Torrance for several minutes. The
French opera boxes there are arranged
with a movable lattice, which when it
is down, prevents the audience from
seeing into the box although the occu-
pants of the box can see and hear per-
fectly well. He would have the lattice
put down and slip into his box as quiet
ly as possible, but the people invariably
found him out, and would cheer him to
the echo until he would be compelled
to show himself. He was so modest
about this that Mrs. Hancock said she
could scarcely get him to the opera
with her, so much afraid was he that
it looked like bid for popularity.
The Democrats in Congress have had
very serious idea for long time tc
have the grade of General of the army
re-established, and to put General Han.
cock in the place. Besides the tribute
to him, it would put Lieutenant-Gen.
eral Sheridan's nose out of joint. and
the Southern Democrats can not forget
the savagery of Sheridan's warfare.
They said it would make an example
of the way the better sense of the re.
public regarded the difference between
civilized and uncivilized warfare. Not
one word, however, did they ever get
out of General Hancock on the subject.
Half the Democratic members of Con.
gress had been his electors, but any
thing like scheming was foreign to Gen.
eral Hancock's nature.
On the Sunday night week before
his death, when his mortal illness was
already upon him, an officer going
away on sick leave called to tell him
goodbye. General Hancock treated
his illness lightly, but the officer said:
General, you look to me like sickcl
man than am" On leaving General
Hancock said: "You seem to be lit
tie hoarse; here" He went to drawer
and got out a fine, white muffler. "But
I don't like to rob you of this" said
the officer. "Keep it; keep it, +" replied
General Hancock, in his hearty way, as,
with his own hands, he tied it around
the officers throat and fastened it Sc.
curely. This little thoughtful act was
typical of the man. As generous as
the day is long, he forgot himself fol
his friend-and this he had been doing,
consistently, all the days of his life
! ChicaqO Neavs.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-10
A BUSY METER.
Why q Gas Consumer Desires to Have .
Line Drawn Somewhere.

Why q Gas Consumer Desires to Have
Line Drawn Somewhere.
s.My gas bill, notice." said citi-
zen going into the gas company's
office sis the same this month that it
was last"
Eyes, SIR" responded the clerk, eve
try to do the fair thing"
.'That new meter you put in my eel
lar is a wonderful invention" continued
the consumer.
..Oh, I don't know about that; it
doesn't differ much from the old ones"
sIs that so? Well, do you know /
thought it was something remarka-
able"
..In what respect, sirp"
s.Why, it not only measures all the
coal gas we burn, but it has way of
getting around the house and con-
| 7erting all the tallow candles and
lamp oil into gas and registering it
right along, just the same as if it
came from headquarters. Can't you
arrange it some way so that a line Of
demarcation, as it were, may be
drawn, and my share of the profits on
raw material furnished be put to my
credit"
The matter was referred to the board
Of directorA-1erchanN Irave1er.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-10

establishment as best they might, re-
turned to the house in hi gh spirits. The
name, Count VILLAIN, had given me the
clew to the whereabouts of Lenore. The
dwelling of which have spoken as sit
uate across the plain and opposite the
rock was the residence of Count VILLAIN.
I had met the old gentleman in the city
and formed speaking acquaintance
with him. AS neither of us had men
toned our private affairs, l had no
means of connecting his daughter with
my invisible girl. That afternoon l
presented myself to the Count and, after
amazing him with my story, which a
few tests convinced him was true, for
mally proposed for his daughters hand.
As nv wealth and social position were
well known he offered no objections and
his daughter was sent for.
As she entered the room / saw that
my idea of her had been less than true.
had never seen so lovely woman nor
one who so perfectly embodied my high
est conception of grace and beauty. Her
dark eyes, still wet with tears, met mine
inquiringly.
'.Lenore," said I, II have come as l
promised"
George" she said, with a radiant
smile, sis it you?"
care you Disappointed" I asked.
cam what you expected"
"You could not be more" she an.
swered naively, "you are no less"
"Now that we meet as solid and ma
terial beings l continued, ''are you
willing to ratify the contract we made
when we were only voices, Lenore?
Your father gives us permission
1t may be supposed that l received a
satisfactory answer, when the good
natured Count found it discreet to turn
away his eyes during my reception OF
it.
As to the strange circumstances which
was the means of uniting us, series OF
tests revealed remarkable acoustic
property in the rock by which persons
standing in certain positions with refer
ence to it were able to hear each other
with ease more than q quarter of a mile
apart. 1t is very matter-of-fact solu-
ton of the mystery, but Lenore and ]
are none the less grateful for the good
offices of the rock.-C. l.. Hildreth, IN
| N Y. World.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-10
Knew All But Two.

In wild part OF Scotland, a dealer in fish
used to drive his cart q considerable
distance inland. On one occasion, when
passing n wild moor, where, although there
did reside a schoolmaster, the knowledge
Of the inhabitants of affairs in general was
not extensive, he dropped a lobster. Some
children picked it up, and, wondering what
the strange creature could be, took it to
the schoolmaster. The dominic put on his
specs, and, turning it over and over, ex-
amined it carefully. "Weel," at length
said the oracle, II ken maisto' the
wonderful animals o. creation, except iist
twa. and thae twa never saw. They are
an elephant and a turtledove, and so this
must be ane o. the twa." --Montreal Wit,
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-10
A HORSE TRADE.

How the Professionals Of Texas Manage
Questionable Transactions.
G. w. Bulger is one of the best horse
traders in Western Texas. Not long
since he offered for sale a large bay
horse to Colonel Witherspoon, who
thinks he knows all that is to be known
about horse. Colonel Witherspoon
bought the horse at very low price.
Gilhooly, who happened to be present
when the trade was made, took the pur-
chaser aside and said to him:
"Colonel Witherspoon, how did you
come to let yourself be taken in on that
horse? Don't you see that he is lame in
his left hind legP''
Colonel Witherspoon winked and
whispered to Gilhooly.
II am not fooled blame bit in that
horse. know he is lame, but his lame
ness comes from nail in his hoof. I'll
just have that nail pulled out, and then
the horse will not limp and will be worth
twice what I gave for him. It's big
bargain and don't you give it away"
Gilhooly whistled and remarked:
"Well, you are shrewd one after all. :"
ut will be cold day when get left
on a horse trade" replied Witherspoon,
as he led off his limping purchase.
Next day Gilhooly met G. W. Bulger.
"Bulger, you are not as smart at q
horse trade as thought you were. You
| let Witherspoon have that horse for half
what he is worth"
care you sure of thatP''
"Certainly l am. That lameness
comes from a nail in his hoof. Wither-
spoon will pull the nail out, cure up the
sore place, and the horse will be worth
twice what he paid YOU
II don't think so, replied Bulger. II
know all about that nail in the horse 3
hoof. I drove it in myself
"You did?"
eyes. You see WANTED people to be-
lieve that it was the nail that made him
limp, but he ,uas lame before. He VII
keep on being lame after that nail is out.
He always will be lame. Do you see
nowp"
"Well, yes, think I do. I'm GLAD
you told me. When want to buy 8
horse I know who not to buy from. -
TEXAS Sittings.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-10
BALD MEN.
The Startling Increase Of Alopecia In the
United States.

"a ~~~
United States.
1t has been estimated that one-half the
adult men of American birth living in
our cities are bald-headed. The estimate
is not exaggerated, if it is applied to
persons above the age Of thirty, and it
may be rather under the mark. If, now,
it be conceded that one-half of our Amer
lean business and professional men are
bald at the present time, it would be in
teresting to speculate as to the condition
of the heads of their descendants some
hundreds of years from now. The prob
abilities point toward race of hairless
Americans, for badness is extremely
liable to be propagated in the male line,
and to appear a little earlier in each
generation. The American Nation is
threatened with the catastrophe of aunt
versal alopecia.
The answer has almost always
been that it is due to the excessive
strain and ceaseless mental and physical
activity to which American methods of
business and modes of living conduce.
From the visitors gallery of the Stock
Exchange, for example, one views a
mob of shining pates belonging, as a
rule, to rather young men.
The sons of prematurely bald fathers
should bear in mind that if they wish to
save their hair it will only be through
industrious attention to their scalp.
This much-neglected surface should be
thoroughly cleansed at certain intervals.
1t should be carefully and regularly
examined, and if it be unhealthy, dry
and scurvy, the proper applications
should be made to it. The wearing of I'M
ventilated hats is one of the greatest
sources of failure of nutrition of the
hair, and these must be avoided. The
beard never falls out, because it gets
plenty of sunlight and air. These are
what the hair Of the scalp needs, also.
Women are less bald than men, because,
for one reason, their scalps are better
ventilated. In fine, civilization has
made the hair-producing organs of the
scalp delicate and feeble. They have
to be nursed and cared for, or they
atrophy and disappear. Young Ameri
cans who do not wish to lose their hail
before they are forty must begin to lool
after their scalps before they are twenty
--NedicGl Record. .t
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-10
A sHREwD CLERK.
He Aims to Make the Guests of His Hotel
Feel at Home.


The rather numerous Dakota delegation
In Washington was increased by another
arrival. He registered at q hotel and said
to the clerk:
II may want to stay some time, can you
give me good room?"
~ think we can let you have one that
will suit"
II suppose you try to make it pleasant
for guests?'
NCcrtainly. we, aim to-
"Of course. What I like in hotel is
something home-like."
81 think we can satisfy you on that
score"
~ hope so. Now I'll tell you; If you will
see that 1 am made to feel perfectly at
home during my stay you sha'n't lose any
thing by it,"
80, wen make it home-like for you. Let
me see" he continued, glancing over the
register, "you are from Dakota?"
"Yes, I'm member OF the Dakota Legis
lature and"
"Here!" exclaimed the clerk turning to a
.bell-boy, "show this gentleman to the
poker room" -Estelline Cd. ~ Bell.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1886-03-10
The Wolf and the Crane.

A Wolf having invited q Crane to dine,
served the food in shallow plate, so that
the guest could not get any, while the host
tapped up an abundance with his tongue.
On the next day the Crane invited the
Wolf to dinner, and the food, consisting Of
soup, was set out in long-necked jar,
which put it entirely out of the reach Of the
invited guest. But while the Crane had his
head in the jar the Wolf knocked a hole
in the bottom with a hammer and swal.
lowed the greater part OF the soup as il
ran out.
MORAL: This Fable teaches us that We
should not despise the mental resources
OF those who move beneath us.-Life.