The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1886-10-22
GNU RESEARCHES.

Experiences Of IN American Scrib5lef II
Port Elizabeth, Cape Of Good Hope.
They have an absurd and utterly
ridiculous specimen of geological archi-
lecture here, which they call gnu. I
am moved to expiate upon this brute
from the fact that l had q personal en-
counter with one recently, and the ef-
fects of that encounter haven't got we'll
yet. He is . cross between q hump
backed cow and an unfinished army
mule, and his nature partakes largely
of the rascality Of both. This mule-cOw
is not considered handsome by the best
judges of beauty. His expressive coun-
tenance is hardly as saccharine as that
of the average bulldog, and the rhi-
nocerOus is more graceful. He has
quantity Of material piled up ''forrard."
which seems to have been left over
when he was built, and which gives him
the appearance Of having started out in
life with the intention of being drom-
edary. but, getting discouraged, gave it
up. His head conveys the impression
that it was an afterthought of the Gre
ator, whitfield out and stuck on in haste;
it is never in the right place. and never
seems to fit the wearer. II were to
meet one of these parties with his head
entirely omitted from the bill of lading,
l would refrain from making any re-
marks-partly out of consideration for
the creatures feelings, and partly be-
cause l would not be at all surprised.
1t is claimed by Elizabethans that the
gnu is q very tractable, dOcile and alto
gether admirable beast. Twill not con-
tradict this statement-at least while /
am here-but will say that for the
possessor Of 50 many laudable traits Of
character he is very unassuming and
certainly keeps them well concealed.
They milk those conglonerations
here. 1 happened to be at farm the
other evening while this operation was
being performed. The lady of the house
laughing proposed that should 60 out
and try my hand. saying that it would
be novel experience and the milk
something different to what i had been
accustomed to. assented, remarking
that was fond of gnu milk. Not inn
mediately obtaining any results, except
an occasional whack across the face
from the beasts narrative, the gentle
man of the house suggested that twist
ing the tail was sometimes an effective
remedy against switching. A few min
utes later it occurred to me that his re-
mark was not strictly true, but upon
due reflection am satisfied that do
him an injustice. l can not conceive
how any man who habitually associates
with a gnu should be 80 reckless as to
tell lie. 1t behoOves them keep in
the straight and narrow way. for. veri-
ly. they walk in perilous paths, and are
liable to be cut off suddenly without
space for repentance. After l had
staggered to my feet and scooped the
mud out Of my eyes l perceived that 1
was trifle mutilated, while directly in
front of me stood that insufferable
gnuisance beaming upon me with wild
amazement.
didn't do SO any more. can not
endure cruelty to animals. and know
it must have panied that COW to have
her tail twisted-I feel perfectly con-
WINGED of this by her subsequent actions.
Later gnus: When 1 went on board
one of those officiously sympathetic
kind of persons inquired il l had been
in q railway collision. / relieved his
anxiety by informing him that was
suffering from severe attack of gnu
ralgia. This spiked his gun.-W II.
Wiley, tn Detroit Free Press.