Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-03-07
QUEER SPECIMENS OF HUMANITY,
And How They Are Drawn Together in
the Big City.

NEW YORK March IL have spoken be-
fore Of how cranks congregate together in
New EOrk-IOt consciously but IN obed
ence to a law Of attraction Of which for he
most part, they are to'a.!y ignorant Ger
tain hotels Dir Nv them as mo Uses draws
flies. The family hotels '-overgrown
boarding houses with the prices Of hotel
and the affections OF a boarding hous,-
are their favOri'e residences TheS, ho-
teries are called ''sociah e" places SO they
are-painfully sOclabe. Everybody turns
everybody else over. and tongue dynamite
produces regular quarterly eruptiOnS which
blow out everybody but the seasoned ones
who are used to that sort OF thing and don't
mind it.
Your SimoD-2ure full grown crank is
drawn thither in spite Of himself He doesn't
crave the companions lip of other cranks
In all probability he has a contempt for
them; but he fetChes up among them and
there he stay, season after season. After a
year or So he becomes fitted 10 his groove
among CrankS, like planet among other
planets and is miserable any place else.
Every variety of hobby rider is to be
found in these hotels In one whose repu-
tation as a crank hoStelrv is national. are
many curious spec menI The man who has
saved all the shoes he has worn in the last
twenty years Is there. So are the shoes
he keeps them under his bed, the largest
collie ion of mouIdy, dusty, unsightly and
un whOle>ome foo wear ever seen outside of
an almshouSe. At long intervals the cham
bermaiis shovel them out ani pile them on
the bed while they sweep beneath it It's
all the bed can do to hold them Their
owner never wears any OF them, but he sets
store by them. and knows at a glance if
pair Is missing. They constitute his most
bulky pos ses. s.ion and he takes unalloved
pleasure in 10 king al them Rumor says
that in his youth he was swell, and rather
devoted himself to feet-was the envy Of his
set on account of the extreme daintine :
of hi, feet. He is probably tied to his present
quarters for life since no o.her hotel would
put up with his collection of footgear.
In the same privileged harbOr lives the
nightmare man. He simply couldn't live
anywhere else. To attempt it would be u
imperil his life every night of the world
TIE people where he is are used 20 him and
his nightmare Everybody. proprietor.
toarders ami servant, lend hand in
freeing HIM from his persistent nightly
enemy When the shadowy beast gets after
him he groans and moIns til he is heard
from the fifth floor TO the basement Some
body springs to his rescue. pounds on his
door or Streams back at b III till he wakes
up dripping with agony and gratitude
TFese htJle break, in the monotony of s.eep
90. ..ur several times each night Nobody
ever complains Its only Mr. Harking-
tIn's nightmare is echoed from room to
'Oom, and they all resume their sleeping.
The man with an appetite live, at the
same house. He voluntarily pays double
boar l. ami thinks nobody knows it but the
landlord and clerk Nevertheless, it leaks
out The kiud-hearted pity him; the mer-
ciess deriie him. The amount Of foo he
consumes is enormous. He eats and bushes.
and bushes ami eats. The eyes Of the other
boarders wander frequently towards him
and his formidable plate with a curiosity
that amounts to awe, in spite of long
familiarity with the sight lie will never
change his boarding place. It's too mortify-
ing an experience to him
Then there is the man who has an iuven-
tion. which the world refuses to take at an
immense figure. He has educated every body
at his hote to believe IN it and praise it. and
would find it very difficult TO exist without
the stimu Us of their sympathy and praise.
The man who has original theories on the
subject Of hygiene is al-o thsre, sitting at
the table with the man who pays double
board. He has convictions in favor Of abste-
miousness, and airs them freely before his
friend of the mortifying appetite. In spite
of their dissimilarity they get used to each
other, and get on well together. II one
were to leave the other would be loneSom
Matches were once said to be made in
heaven. In New York a great many are
made in Cranks' boarding houses and hotels.
places that have no resemblance 10 heaven,
if I'm at all capable of passing an opinion
Fat widowers play terrible havoc with the
affections of elderly maidenS Smiling
bachelors without fortune or energy lay
siege to the hearts OF pudgy widows with
a bank account knew one wIdower. with
as few personal attractions as a Chinese
god, who had three fair women pining
themselves to death on his account in the
same hotel with him. and don't know how
many more outside One walked the floor
at night over his head; ther broke her
heart on the heroic and never ~ay anything
abou;-it plan: the third wept her eyes out in
he room over the floor PAGER. Yet the
object of all this affection was ugly, bald
headed, ldic.ed TO siovenliness, ard was a
crank be ides The most of his attractions
were locked up i'll bank vault
EBBoS OLIVER