The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1886-06-02
THE DEADLY UMBRELLA.
Need Of a National Training School
Tor American Women.

\ female crank in Boston wants IN e>-
tabli>h a ,hool To teach women art, and
10 that eul she Is writing letters 10 the
newspapers calling ON the people Ia sub
Scrlts' money AT once. Without wishing
Ia IT, considered as antagonlstic 10 the
Intellectual advancement Of women. We
must boldly announce that We cannct
give the scheme our support. for the rea-
S,n there are a great many things that
A woman stands more In need of know
ins than how TO paint long g-legsed but
tert,ies on window shades and yellow
cruckery. Ii an effort is made 10 found
Il school for the purpose Of teaching the
softer sex how 10 carry an umbrella ON
the street. We will remove the surcingle
hich encircies our plethoric pocket
book and deposit ~ cents in the contrl-
button box without tstraying "A single
trrmor of excitement.
4 woman wants TO know this. Ever
since the umbrella WAS invented she has
filled the soul Of man with terror every
time she appeared ON crowded thor
oughfare with one of the dangerous
weapons in her hands. She hol,ls an
tlfluittlt III iiVh' W wv 'f'
charges crowd with the conl daring of
IA Richard t,rur de Lion. and when she
,lash,s through il her wake is strewn
with crumpied hats. diSmantled ears ami
punctured owes. Never has she been
known to turn her umbrella either To
one side ur the ether IN order t. afford
some unfortunate head an opportunity
to dodge il. hut on the contrary, II points
straight ahead like couched lance.
hurls everything to the ground that
blocks its way, and the hospital wagon
follows after 1t and picks up the woun-
lcd.
\ training school in which women are
taught how to steer an umbrella along u
sidewalk would he "a great blessing to
this country, ani the fruits If ITS teach
ing would he shown hy the rapid de-
crease oi the number Of one.eyed men
AMI the general decline of the trade in
glass optics and cellulold cara.
The government has in the interest of
humanity established commissions H.
discover and stamp ont the germs of
pestilen,lal disease. and now Il should
come forward aud do something to help
the people escape the fangs Of thu deadly
gingham umbrella. There is no good
reason why it should not take lively in
t,rest in this matter. and establish "A
national training school for women and
teach them to handle the parasol or UNI
brella, not rs an engin" OF war, but Us IA
protection AGAINST the elements.
IL the scheme IN properly laid before
Congress an appropriation will surely b'
secured. for the reason that the govern
mcnt cannot afford to grant the people
protection against danger in one form
and refuse it in another. IL Congress
secs fit, the scope of the nati )nal tram
/ ing school for women can be extended to
teach the future mothers ~ the repub
lie how to place patch ON the groun,l
floor of pair of breeches So that it vii
not look n if it was the handiwork of /;
timer and had been spread on with
soldering iron. We do not want an,
/ more art schools. There are already toe
many of them. What VIZ need is q
training school. and we are willingt to IN
crease our original subscription to u dol
lar right now. N. .. States.