The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1886-07-16


A bad marriage is like an electric
machine-it makes you dance, but you
can't let go.
Why is a locomotive like comet 2
Because it has headlight and carries
a long train.
HoJel keepers have saved money
since the condemnation of imported
French pets.
Foreigners say New York hotels ol
the frst-class are the most expensive
in the world.
Chinese want their food daintily pre-.
pared, but their table manners are Of
ten Inconsistent.
When a woman wants to drive q
hen she shakes her dress at it. Cloth
shoes, as it were.
Half the currant jelly is artifcially
colored, says an exchange, forgetting
to tell which half.
A poodle dog and Doodle husband
are all that many young ladies require
to make them happy.
There is no truth in the rumor that
they are making Anarchist Most drink
gunpowder tea in Jail.
1t takes three pocket han dkerchiefs
bachelor says, to see a pretty CIR
gracefully off to Europe.
When boy begins to smoke cigar
cites he throws down challenge to
his father and a bed slat.
Office seekers are more discouraged
now than ever. 1t appears that Mrs
Cleveland plays the piano.
Forty rods make one rood, but one
rod will often make one civil, especial,
in the case of the small boy.
When doctors give man up hi.
chance for life is gone. When lawyers
give one up his money is gone.
A nephew of She late King Cetewayo
has just completed six years course
of theological studies in Stockholm.
Alexander III. Stephens old home
Liberto Hall, has been purchased by
the Stephens Monument Association.
Swift ball-throwers should remember
that a pitcher with a broken nose il
not handsome piece of bric-a. brac.
When the truth is all on one side OF
a case the argument must be all on the
other to even things up before a jury.
A white flag floats over the Whilb,
Jail in token of the fact that there is
not a prisoner confined within its walls
Since ex-President Arthur has beer
at New London he has partaken ol
solid food for the first time in many
months.
Sam Jones had congregation o.
5000 people at Eaton Rapids, Mich.
the other day. Twenty-one pockets
were picked.
City chaps who go courting country
girls should practice with dumb bells
for at least month in advance.-N
y Journal.
A man meyer finds out what sweet
creature his wife is until he has mista.
ken her for the hired girl and kissed
her in the dark.
Sam Small has become Prohibition
orator out in st. Paul. Tie predicts
II at before long the South will be solid
for Prohibition.
A preliminary V seems already es-
sential to the head waiter to secure q
good seat" in the dining room of the
fashionable hotel.
There are about 5000 newspapers
published in Asia, of which 2O0O ap.
pear in Japan and most of the rest are
published in India.
A young man asks: ''How can !
gain a copious flow of language ??
We would suggest that he should try
sitting down on a tack.
The female lace makers of Saxony
are wretchedly underpaid, the best Of
them not being able to make more than
about sixty cents a week.
To snub, or not to snub, that is the
question among somo hotel residents
when new comers arrive and exhibit
their finery on the piazza,
A glazier SAID he would like to Join
total abstinence society, but he was
compelled to take his glass every morn
ing before going to work.
A little conceit is a good thing. If
a man thinks himself just as smart as
the other man they are at least on an
equal footing TO start with.
A California woman while splitting
wood bit her tongue ia two. There is
no moral to this. Women don't split
wood this side of California.
The mocking birds are so numerous
in Dry Valley, New, this season that
during the night they drown the yelp
OF the coyotes with their songs.
The first directory of New York city
was issued May 2, 1856, and contained
SAG names. The lO0th volume lust
published contains 3la,992 names,