The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1886-05-13
MELODiOUS SNORING.
The Awe-Inspiring Night Performances
My Dearest Friend.

| The Awe-InsPiring Night Performances Of
My Dearest Friend.
have a friend who snores. My
friends snore is like himself. whole.
souled. self-satisfied, unctuous. able
bOdied-in fact. the kind Of snore that
leaves absolutely nothing to the imag-
nation In my opinion my friends
snOre is not equaled in this part of the
country. and l ought to know for I've
sat up with it nearly every night since
il was a shrill treble snore in knee
pants, watched over it with more or
less tender solicitude during the trying
period in which its voice changed and
its mustache sprouted, and celebrated
its arrival at the fullness of its deep
baritone maturity by congratulating
the other members of my friend 5
family upon their fatal connection with
a steamboat explosion early in the
tiftieS. say have sat up with my
friends snore all these wears out of re-
gard for the truth. Ny friend and I
have always roomed together and
always occupied the same bed. but
never slept together; he slept, but |
didn t; lay awake to hear him snore
Ny temperament is artistic in the ex-
IRENE. Nothing inspires in me such
profound reverence as a thoroughly
perfect and artistic achievement of any
kind, therefore nothing could induce
me to fall asleep during the progress of
the symphony which my friend nightly
performs in his nasal organ symphony
is a good word. 1t defines the situation
exactly. MY friends snore is not, like
that of ordinary individuals, a series
of aimless vibrations of the uvula:
it has an object in view. 1t is SYM
metrical and well-regulated perform
ance-curtain rises to slow music.
and when the climax is reached, curtain
falls in blaze of green light with
plenty of thunder and lightning. Each
performance consists of one act only,
which invariably commences about an
hour after my friend has retired and
continues till his alarm clock has
awakened him to remembrance of
those minor duties which the day de-
mandS of him.
The steamboat explosion above re-
ferred to is the circumstance which
brought all these facts within my grasp.
On account of this painful incident. my
friend, at the tender age of three and
half years, became an orphan. Unable
to penetrate the misty veil of the future,
my father, who happened along at the
time of the explosion, did not leave the
boy to perish among the debris of the
Inflated boat and worse-fated passen-
gers, but fished him out and warmed
him in the bosom of his family. Thus
ut Il tender age we were thrown to-
gether, and despite the orphans in
trinity, which was not long in coming
to the surface, we became firm friends.
The scenes of our youth were the
rolling prairies and virgin forests
of Minnesota, and our companions,
from necessity, chosen from the youth
of the neighbOring friendly bands of
Sioux and Winnebagoes. Ere we were
out of our teens the pipe fpeace we had
smoked with these bands was broken
into a thousand pieces and the frag-
ments drenched with blood The blow
came without moment warning. and
the day before it fell will still be vivid
in our memories where recollections of
other days have vanished. How dis
tinctly | recall each incident of that
memorable day as, now at midnight L
rccline on one elbow and gaze upon the
face of my snoring friend! The curtain
has just risen. and more plainly than
words. the pleased expression OH my
friends face, and the peculiar gurgling
cackle which apparently issues from
the neighborhOod of his epiglOttis, re-
calls to my mind wigwam on the bank
of river. | am reclining in the shade
while my friend amuseS himself by tax
ing various liberties with the embryo
in different stages of nakedness
and dirtiness, who swarm about the
wigwam. AT one Il. IN: the pleased ex-
preston is still on my friends face. but
he has drawn out another stop and the
windows begin to rattle cheerfully. As
plainly as | can view the phenomena 60
ng on in the req on of my friend s larynx
my mind S eye sees him seize one of the
iirtiest of the young savages, and hold
nc him by the heels, souse him, kick
ng and whOoping, in the river. At
-hree a. m. the occasional bits of plas- |
er which fall from the ceiling, again |
.reshen my memory, and l see dis !
.inctly the fast and furious fun my
friend is having with the little savages |
IN the river bank. For an instant |
seems to stick in my friends |
hrOat. He is pulling csit another stop. |
The pans and plates in the kitchen rat |
lie in sympathy with the result, and the |
expression of my friends face becOm-
NC more serious. notice an ill-favored |,
'quaw emerge from the wigwam brand
shing huge knife. Another stop and |
he loud pedal. Bless me, how the bed |
yrOans and the foundations of the house |
remble! Then scowling braves follow |
he squaw and draw their knives. My |
riend suddenly realizes his danger and
lies, pursued by the braves with drawn
lniveS. Good Heavens! My friends
ntire anatomy must be lined with
,Oiler irOni The savages are gaining
IN him-a chrome is shaken from its
mornings on the wall. My friend
falls-the savages are
Ipon him!
The alarm clock goes off and the cur
ain falls.
Il feel as though I'd been dream
n.y." my friend mutters, as he gets
nto his trousers. l answer him not a
vord, but sink exhausted on my pillow.
nd sleep the sleep of the innocent till
he sun is high in the heavens.-CurtiS
:. Durham, IN Current
EECENTC OE DDhICE