Morning journal and courier., 1886-10-01
WANTS.

When the city woman is ready to pot her
plants, she ''wants the earth "-Boston Bull
letin.
An exchange says salt is a remarkable
remedial agent. So it is indeed. It has
been known to even cure a ham-Lowell
Courier.
1t will soon happen that when the head of
the house goes to the family Bible to find
consolation for afliction he will exclaim:
''Dog gone it, Maria, what's all this?''
And then the daughter of the household
will admit that the first edition of autumn
leaves has gone to press.-Pittsburg Dis
patch.
"Can you tell me anything about the post
age stamp firtation2' asks a subscriber.
Certainly. When he writes to you and
puts two stamps on a one-stamp letter. he
loves you. When he puts one stamp on a
two-stamp letter, he likes you; and when he
leaves off the stamp altogether, he loves an
other Puck.
ooh! lions don't trouble me much" re-
marked courageous Frenchman. ''I met
one once in the desert, splendid fellow, and
what do you think dida Simply whipped
out my penknife and cut off his tail l''
"And why not his head?'
:'Oh! hunter had saved me that trouble
by doing it the day beforer'-French pc per-
What the friend of the family says: SIT is,
indeed, lovely child, Mrs. Yungkuple'' y
sWho does it look like?' 'tWell, its ewes
resemble yours, but its mouth reminds me
more of, etc., ETC."
What he means "Great Caesar! What a
pug-nosed, hat-faced little BEAST 1t looks
more like one of the monkeys in the park
than anything else I can think efl''-Puck.
Sunday Observance.-A diminutive, dirty
faced boy was endeavoring to please the
passengers and get few pennies by singing
comic SONGS in the WhAD ia had finish-
ed and was passing along the aisle with out
stretched palm making his collections the
lady in question said to him: ''Don't you
think it's wicked to sing songs on Sunday?"
The youngster looked at her for a second and
with a twinkle in his black eyes replied:
F'Don't you think it's wicked to travel on
Sunday?" The passengers roared and no
more questions were asked.-Bufalo Cour-
ier.
"Young mani" shouted the retail tobac-
conist to his clerk, 'didn't caution you to
keep your eyes peeled for plugged silver
coins?' eyes, sir @Well, here's plug
ged half dollar which you must have taken
in this afternoon while was out" eyes,
sir: know did. ;" "You knew it was plug
ged and yet you accepted it." eyes, sir. I
hadn't the moral courage to refuse" ''Oh,
you hadn't? Well, on Saturday night you
can take your pay and go. I don't want
boy here who will let a scoundrel impose on
MIN IN that fashion. Would you know the
despicable villain again!" ''Oh, yes, sir;
know him we'll" "Who was it!" s'Your
father!''-Detroit Free Press
"What do you mean by, Using such vio-
lence towards your wife2'ss6ked the Austin
Recorder of Sam Johnsing. ''I didn't use no
violence, boss" "But you did; her face is
all swollen up from thes blow. Didn't you
strike her?' eyes, boss, but hit was an ac-
cerdent. Use neah-sighted" s'What's that
L. i al. 42y, IECI
Yer see, was at de gate and was gwinter go
down town, an L jiss kissed my ham ter Ma
Tidy" Kissed your hand to hera" eyes,
boss, kissed my ham to her, but owing to de
defec' in my eyes, sposed she MORN
twenty feet OF, but she wasn't. She was SO
clus ter me dat de back of my ham hit her
smack in de mouf. I nebber was so s'prised
in my life. 'tWell, there is another surprise
in store for you. You pay $50 and costs or
You go to the county Jail. Texas Siftings.