Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1886-01-09

Inc crisis liz passed. IAe spell IL
broaken. Jeems il himself again
Krismus broke me al up, and fer i
whole weks hay sene little impps,
and snaks and buggs crauIed nj over
ne. But az hav ssd, il il over.
have sined the plsge; am refoor-
med man. Tru, water il very dry,
but i am beginning to like il: Any
purson wanting empty bere and wine
bellies should cal at onse, AZ mi
board must be payd in advanse.
~ ~
reserved the following noat re-
sently:
Jeemie Haxbie
Dere Genial Man:
hav red your letter with plesure
and reckonizing your CRATE learning
would like to kno if you hate the
rinck. Plese reply. rs
Yors with futtering hart,
DULoINDIA WILBIILY.
No, fare Dulcindia, do not hate
the rinck. Why should i? The
wurl liz full NV worse amuzements
than skating-amuzements sanck-
shnned by parents. i hav bene to
rincks and expect to GO again. Their
are people so grum they scare a.
themselvs. They growl when the
sun shines, and get mad II it ranes.
Thes are they who SANDER the rink.
Sum ofthem never was in l. | SEE:
"Rincks are run bi DEVILS; anoth-
er: side rather Sc mi son a drunck-
ard than rinck-goer Now, Dull
cindia Wilbilly, that's al wrong. A
daughter cannot go to the rink and
scate, exercizing and strengthening
her form but she can go bugy-riding;
can drive thru binding sno storms
to dsnse; can 90 to the bal rune:
can Sc the obscene drama; can attend
kissing, gum-sucking parties. A son
dare not drive ava the blus, or take
an hour Nv helthy sport on rollers
but he can set back hiz hat, role up
hiz sleeves, and play pule and bill
yards by the hour. He can't scate,
but he can rome the streets half the
mite, with evil companions, and fl
niz hart with sede that viii blums
and despoil it forever. hav watch
ed the scateFs at the rineks. Their
they go-lafiing, happy, graseful. i
hav LATED til mi sides felt like dryed
msckerel, AZ = beginner cut hix name
on the fore or tried - kick the rufe
or the biidiAg. hav ssns the week
~, languishing invalid's cheks grew
red with the exersiae Aav ssns
Chieago's best docktor enjoying
himself on seatss; hav herd Tai
mage reekomend it, and endors it
Disslf Tru, too much exereize
il worse than none. Too much
whiskee maks = man drunk drink
ma benefit h,m. Too much dinner
will sauxe panes and mixery-a gud
meal invigerstes the diner. Too
much watur will destroy the mia
small streme makes it grind the rip
ened Crane. Too many grun, crus-
ty people live in the wrrl-a IA would
not be missed. Yung people viii en-
joy themselves. Duloindia, still shy
futtsring hart, the Yinck will not
harm you. When you attend, act
1sdy-like, behave, and enjoy your
self.
~ Xxx
Mi landlord haz the stags-fever.
Last mite he TUX up the lamp and
hised, tragicaly: "Thus perish
In this little vial il enufr poison to
xii flv!' At breakfast to-da he sat
with bowed he'd. saing: "And hsz it
cum to this7 Mi lords, how has the
nifty falenl" wuz stasding in hiz
stor yesterday, when, with q vel
that would hsv cauze an Indisn to
turn creme with envy, he GRABBED a
Drum, and luking me in the ey, sed
"Hans off, murdurer, villain, thief
BY the gods, he who tuehss that
ham, dies !" Oh, he'z crazy. AL
mite he PAGES the fore, making adj
dresses to the bed-poast, apostrophiz-
ing the picturs on the wal, and dis-
trihing the chars. Herring CRATE
racket mite, erept out from mi
stor-box bed and entered hiz rune.
He was standing on the buru with
hands stretched downward. On the
fore wsz large fether bed. AS i
entered, he sed: "Farwell River
NV mi race, receive mi body!' and
jumped intoo the fether bed. He IL
now up on the rufe, pleading with
the cats to join hiz army, and spit
ing venganse at the stars.
~ ~
A Grashopper da met an Ante
crauling thro corn field with a
Piese OF toad. stule in biz feslers.