Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1886-09-25
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.

ne nlillSclI never WANTS any.
49," said a lady recently to an
Aberdeen merchant, ''your pretty
daughter has married a rich husband"
WELL slowly replied the father, IL
believe she has married a rich man, but
l understand he is a very poor hus-
band"
Douglas Jerrold nee boosted that n
friend Of his was the kindest-hearted
man in the world. why said the
wit. .'hc is SO kind-hearted that he
would hold an umbrella over "A duck in
n shower of rain
A father, who in his college days be-
longed to the base ball club. on being
ND by his little son what the nine
A.Nscs were. replied: MY child, it is
when our nine is beaten in II game of
base ball. Then the nine muses. over
it,"
1t is reported that an actress in BoS-
ton was promised Il seal-skin cloak if
she wouldn't speak for a quarter of an
hour. She set her lips for silence. but
ut the end of Il few minutes she cx-
claimed: Mind you, it's got to be a
two hundred and fifty dollar one!'
my SON" said a fond father to his
little boy, whom he had been punish
ING by the use of the rod for the first
time-"my son, | hore this has taught
youa lesson Yes, pa the little
boy sobbingly replied, '.it's taught me
that it's better to give than to re-
ceiye.'
lady of great accomplishments
visiting a man of wit. was much
pleased with the display Of his talents,
and complimcnted him on them at her
departure. ''Madam,' replied the
bard, modcstly. Il am only an instru-
men,, and You have shown your skill
in playing on me"
A fashionable lady whose position in
society had been but recently attained,
in boasting of her new residence
remarked that the windows were all of
stained glass, whereupon her honest
old mother exclaimed: ''Why. that's
too bad. 1t just spiles everything! But,
won't soap an turpentlne take the
stains out?'
A crusty old curmudgeon. who was
laughing over something in his Jews
paper. being r~cproached by his wife
for not reading it aloud SO she could
share in the enjoyment, testify said;
80. fudge, my dear; a thing that's
funny enough to make only n laugh
would bc ~dreadfully stupid if divided
between two
An impudcnt fellow seeing a young
lady in a store, bowed, smirked. and
said: s.Hexcuse me-. but think | met
YOU hat Saratoga last summer My
name his Moses" ..Indeed!' respond
ed the young lady, sarcastically.
..Well, | cannot recall your face, but
your name is familiar;' and she left
him bordering.
A man was taking aim at u hawk
that was pcrched on Il tree near his
chicken coop, when his little daughter
exclaimed: Don't take aim, pa, Let
it 90 of by accident ''Why SOP
+: asked the father. cause every gun
that goes off by accident always hits
. something explained the child.
A fashionable lady III an art exhibi-
bition severely criticised Il painting to
one of the artists, who finally told her
that he painted the picture himself.
Wishing 'to make things all right
she soothingly said: 80, you mustn't
mind what | say. am no judge of
pictures at all. | only just repeat what
everybody else says. you know
Poor young artist displaying pic
ture)-'.That is an exact copy, ma
dame, of itaphael's Madonna. which,
you will remember, sold for f25, 900
Madame--.'And how much do you ask
for this picturep' Ten shillings and
sixpcnce.' What is the cause OF
such a difference in price," Com.
petition, madame. The business is
not what it used to be-"
Mr.. j.. Browne, an Irish member
gravely stated in the House of Com
mons one night that ''the Protes
tant landlords got their lands, subject
to 1.-THE. before there were any Protes
tai sat all" This is rs good rs tn,
fact" mentioned by the old becf-eatcl
in the Tower, who, while exhibiting
curious old pistol, declared it to have
been made before pistols were invent
ed.
One wet, miserable, foggy Lendor
day in autumn, Charles Lamb was az
costed by a beggar woman with pray
sir, bestow "A little charity upon a poor
destitute widow woman, who is perish
ing for lack of food. Believe me, sir
/ have seen better days" $50 have
l." said Lamb, handing the poor crea
ture a shilling; $50 have /; it's a mis-
cradle day! Goodbye! good-bye!'
Pa: IL do not like that young man
and wish he would keep away
Daughter: HE does not come very
often 'Very oftenP He is here