The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-02-17
9lashes Of fun.

the Wneel In q music box.
Babies cry for. the same reason
that some men swear. It's because
they don't know any better.
The truly conscientious dentist
spares no pains to get three dollars
worth of gold into a 25-cent tooth.
ats a very solemn thing to be
married" said Aunt Bethany. Eyes,
but it's a great deal more solemn not
to be-" said her niece.
Robbie" said the visitor kindly,
"have you any little hrothers and
sisters?' NO" replied wee Robbia,
solemnly, I'm the only children
we've got
Dear me !" said a lady on fifth
avenue the other evening; chow the
china craze is growing! Here's a
New York club hat is paying
$4,000 for a pitcher"
1t Is beautiful to behold the sor-
row-stricken air of the parent as he
"gives the bride away" when you
know that for the last ten years he
has been trying his best to get her
off his hands.
A man very much intoxicated was
taken to the station. "Why did you
not bail him out?" inquired a by
stander of a friend. "Bale him out?"
exclaimed the other. "Why, you
couldn't pump him out!'
When a young man tries for three
minutes in church to brush a sun
beam off his new coat under the i'm
preston that it is a streak of dust
and then looks up and ices a pretty
girl laughing at him, he kind of loses
the thread of the sermon, Temporal
rily, as it we're.
A little girl sat on the floor, cry
ing. After awhile she stopped and
seemed buried in thought. Looking
up suddenly, she said: mamma,
what vas | crying abouty' BE
cause | wouldn't let you go down
town" "Oh! yes!" and she set up
another howl.
Mamma" said little Frank Pot
ter, who was my great-great-grand-
father, on as far back as you can
go?' why, | suppose it must have
been ADAM said Mrs. Potter. "Ad-
amp" said Frank. "Well, / never
knew that Adam was a Potter"
Astronomers tell us in their own
simple, ineligible way, that the
gradual lengthening of the day is
due to the "obliquity of the ecliptic
to the terrestrial horizon. This
ought to set at rest the foolish idea
that the days are longer because the
sun rises earlier and sets later.
"Can you let me have twenty dol
lars this morning, to purchase abon-
net, my dear?' said a lady to her
husband one morning at breakfast,
"By and by, my love" That's what
you always say, my dear; but how
can l buy and buy without the
money.
II see that an Ohio postmistress
has resigned her position in order
get married." remarked an old Ben
edict to his wife. poor thing! /
pity her." said the helpmeet. "Why
SOP" Because, after the honey
moor is over, she'll have to sit up
nearly every night and wait till the
male comes in"
A young dude lawyer, who had
left some dress clothes with an
uncly, is preparing for society, and
was e in a pawn shop the other
day. els he here to prosecute p
asked a friend of the shopkeeper.
On the contrary" said the pawn
gentleman, "he comes here to with.
draw his suit"
A Galveston school teacher asked
new boy: eff a carpenter wants
to cover a roof fifteen feet wide by
thirty feet long, how many shingles
will be needed?" The boy took up
his hat and slid fol- the door. "Where
m you goingY asked the teacher.
"To find a carpenter. He ought to
know that better than any of we
fellows"
Persons sometimes get answers
they don't expect, even from chill
dren. One of them was questioning
a Sunday-school class about the man
who fell among thieves on the way