Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1886-02-18
NATURES BEST BEVERAGE.
A Bit of Extempore Eioquence by the
Late Emory A. Storrs.

-ihte Emory n. storrs'
In the celebrated whisky trials of 1876
Mr., Storrs was chief counsel for Gen.
Babcock, After the conclusion of the
trial Mr.. Storrs and number Of lawyers
were gathered in social intercourse. One
of the party took from his pocket copy
of Gough's celebrated apostrophy to water
and read it aloud. When he had con.
cluded, Mr.. Storrs jocularly observed in
substance, that that was nothing; he
could beat it himself. Thereupon the
lawyers called on him to try it. After a
few minutes he arose with glass in his
hand to begin. A stenographer present
took down his words. Through his kind
ness the Knoxville Journal publishes
them for the first time, with substantially
the above explanations
Holding up the glass, Mr.. Storrs began;
How do you expect to improve upon
the beverage furnished by nature? Here
it is-Adams ale-about the only gift
that has descended undefiled from the
Garden of Eden! Natures common car.
rier-not created in the rottenness Of fer.
mentation, nor distilled over guilty fires
Not born among the hot and noxious va
pors and gases of worms and retorts, con-
fined in reeking vats, placed in clammy
barrels and kegs, stored in malarious
cellars full of rats and cobwebs No adul-
teration fills it with sulphuric acid, spir.
its of inter, stramonium, other deadly
drugs and poisons, until it is called "for-
ty rod death" and "bug juice" "fusel
oil' and Jersey lightningW 1t is not
kept standing in the fumes of sour beer
and tobacco smoke and SALON, exposed
for weeks and months before it is drank,
to the odor Of old cigar stubs and huge
spittoons. Virtues and not vices. are its
companions. Does it cause drunkenness,
disease, death, cruelty to women and
children? Will it place rags on the per
son, mortgages on the stock, farm, furni-
turc? Will it consume wages and income
in advance, and ruin men in business!
No! But it floats in white gossamer
clouds, far up, in the quiet summer sky,
and hovers in dreamy mist over the merry
faces of all our sparkling lakes. 1t wells
the woods and hills of earth's landscapes
in purple haze, where filmy lights and
shadows drift hour after hour 1t piles
itself in tumbled masses of cloud-domes
and thunderheads. draws the electric
flash from its mysterious hiding places,
and seams and shocks the wide air with
vivid lines of fire. 1t is carried by kind
winds and falls in rustling curtains of
liquid drapery over all the thirsty woods
and fields, and fixes in Gods mystic cas-
tern heavens His beautiful bow of prom
Use, glorifed with a radiance that seems
reflected out of heaven itself. 1t CLEANS
in the frost crystals of the mountain tops
and the dews of the valleys. 1t silently
creeps up to each leaf in the myriad for
ests of the world, and feeds, tints each
fruit and flower. 1t is here in the grass
blades Of the meadows, and there where
the corn waves its tassels and the wheat
is billowing 1t gems the depths of the
desert with the glad, green oasis, winds
itself In oceans round the whole earth
and roars its hoarse, eternal anthems or
hundred thousand miles of coast il
clap. its hands in the flashing wave
crests Of the sea, laughs in the little rap
ids Of the brooks, kisses the dripping
moss covered, old oaken well-buckets in
countless host OF happy homes! Sc,
these pieces of cracked ice. full of pris
matte colors, clear as diamonds. Lister
to their fairy tinkle against the brimming
glass, that sweetest music in all th(
world to one half fainting with thirst
And, so in the language of poor old mar
Cough, | ask you, brothers all, would
you exchange that sparkling glass O.
water for alcohol, the drink of the very
devil himself?"