The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-05-13
HUMOR.

1890
ed but little here below.
No EUROPEAN country is complete at
present and frst-class in all respects
unless it has crisis ON hand.
A BULLET travels a mile at the rate OF
three and one-fifth seconds, and mes
senger boy travels a mile at the rate
of@(?)-GalUorata Maverick.
THE Car speaks three languages.
but when IL comes to lodging nihilistic
dynamite bombs he could be Just as
agile in one.-San Francisco Marer-
ick
WHEN placed under microscope the
sting of bee presents polish OF daz-
zling beauty; but when placed in the
end of mans nose the polish is miss
ing, and the appearance more like that
of q rat-tail file dipped in vitriol. This
is official. Chicago Ledger.
"WHAT is your full name?" asked the
magistrate of an individual who had
been absorbing more mountain dew
than he could carry. Same as when
Pm sober (hic). Did yer think l
changed it (hic) when / took drink"
Sixty days. - Pittsburgh Chronicle.
"FINE sermon, wasn't to" said man
to sleepy-looking brother, as they
came out of church on Sunday morn
ing. "Yes, very fine" gasped the 9TH
er. "Were you not struck with the
brilliancy of that passage beginning,
Courage, We saints ?'' "Oh, yes; but
1 was more struck with the passage be-
ginning, Finally, brethren
GALL is over between George and
myself" said Clara, as she sank weari-
" into chair; Il can not trust my
future happiness to such man. L
shall write him at once that we must
part" what is the trouble?" Il
met him in the street to-day, and he
wore ear-mufls. York San.
"How DID you break off your front
teeth ?" asked visitor of the same
small boy. Il didn't break EN-" re-
piled the youngster IL was just fool
ing teenty bit with a horses tail in
the street up at C. The man that
picked me up got his hands and vest
awful bloody. 1t wasn't my fault. y
Boston Record.
LADY Ito tramp at the door)-"Cer-
tainly, my poor man; just go around to
the kitchen door. and the cook will
| give you nice piece of roast turkey
and some mince pie" Tramp with
disgust -"Ther it goes again turkey
and mince pie! amt had nuthin' but
turkey an mince pie for q week back.
I'll be glad when the holidays are
over "-Ne,0 York Times.
SAYS the Pittsburgh Telegraph:
"Wanted-A fresh mother-in-law joke
that is not silly or far-fetched. Five
dollars word will be paid for it and
no questions asked" 1t will not be
easy to supply such a joke, for there
are no fresh mothers-in-law. The
mother-in-law has been through the
mill, she is experienced, there is no
freshness about her, and that is why
she is such a terror to sons-in-law.-
Boston Courier.
"YoU are charged with playing O
flute by an open window at m dnight,
to the annoyance of your neighbor,"
said the magistrate; guilty or not
guilty?" Guilty" Five dollars fine"
But, your Honor protested the
neighbor who had preferred the charge,
considering the circumstances, the
fine seems insufficient He played over
and over again, we Are Very Wide
Awake, the Moon and T." 40! Fifty
dollars fine NelU York san.
BABY MINE.
There is no JOY in the world like you
No music sweet as your goo ah-goo,"
No skies so clear as your ewes of blue
Baby, my baby.
But when you ground on the secret pin
And open your valve and howl like sim
No gong can equal your little din,
Baby, o my baby.
Ny heart is glad when your face soe
My JOY is full when you come to me,
laugh with you in romping glee,
Baby, my baby.
And oftentimes my midnight snore
Is broken short by your screaming roar
And till morning dawns we walk the floor
Baby my baby.
DE KAGGs-"Newspapers! I'm sick
of theml Full of lies, every one. /"
Dusenbury-"You are too severe"
Am !? Listen to me. had private
party ut my house the other night, and
just to make the neighbors feel tired L
mentioned to reporter that / had as
guests a dozen prominent army and
navy officers, two Judges, Professor,
and famous traveller. Gave the re-
porter their names, you understand"
"Well?" "Well, what did the paper
do? Come out with an accurate ac-
count of the affair." o, tell you the
tyranny OF the press Is awful "-Phild-
| delphid Call
CoURTsHIP in Zululand has several
advantages over the same sort of agree
able pastime in this country. When a
Zulu girl takes fancy to young war
rior, she leaves her fathers house, and,
at dusk, stations herself before the hut
Of the favored one, remaining perfectly
silent. If her attentions are favored,
she will be asked into the hut, and re-
main week or more. This obviates
the necessity of the young man walk
ing couple of miles, perchance, along
a dark and lonely road six or seven
nights week, after midnight; and the
girls father doesn't find his coal and gas
bills augmented during the courtship.
-N0TTistolCn Herald.
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