The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-12-30
HAPPY MARRIED LIFE.

"John," said Mrs. Marshmallow TO her
liege lord, as they sat at breakfast one
pleasant morning; John, some one has
written book entitled, How to be Happy,
Though Married Queer, isn't it?"
Decidedly exasperatingly queer. re-
piled Mr.. Marshmallow IF the book be
serious one, the effort is entirely super
fuous; the author should be promptly con-
demned for trihing with the feelings of his
fellow mortals by raising such wildly inn
possible expectations"
Il didn't mean exactly that, said Mrs.
Marshmallow, rehectively.
"Well, then, Will you kindly explain
what you did mean?" queried Mr.. Marsh
mallow, land l trust your meaning will
prove clearer than this beverage which YOU
miscall coffee"
81 mean that it is queer that any one
should have thought such book necessary
or called for. There seems 10 be an APP
parent absurdity in the very ti.le," said
Mrs. Marshmallow, pouring her husbands
| second cup, and overlooking his slur upon
her coffee.
"Ah-and there is Just where 1 should
differ with you," replied Mr.. Marshmallow.
"The world is simply yawning for such a
book, could it be successfully written. But
the effort will prove vain one; the prob
| lem set forth in the very promising title
you quote cannot be solved Has it never
occurred to you that the comforting assur-
ance that in heaven they neither marry
nor are given in marriage constitutes one
of the surest foundations of eternal felic-
| ity? If Bob Ingersoll and his ilk had fully
considered that text, they would never
have tried to overthrow the authority of the
blessed book that contains as glorious a
promise"
sand vet, have never observed signs of
any remarkable haste on your part to reach
! that bright and celibate hereafter, sug-
gested Mrs. Marshmallow, thoughtfully.
"Your remark is not pertinent to the dis
cussion, and, besides, it is stale, said MIR.
Marshmallow. "And L am sure that if l
were to step out suddenly you would con-
sole yourself with some other fellow; and
as he, whoever he may be, has never done
me any harm, 1 shall probably continue
to sacrifice myself for his benefit
"You are kind man, John, re-
piled Mrs. Marshmallow softly. "but your
lf-sacrifice is unnecessary. If kind
Providence sees fit TO release me from my
present situation, will agree never to fall
into another scrape of the same kind.
A gentle silence brooded like n benedic-
| ton over that breakfast table. At length
John arose. as there anything you want
in town o-day?" said he.
Nothing" replied his wife, Except a
yard and half of silk to match this SAM
ple-you will find it at Sawyer's-and half
dozen spools of twist of the same shade;
and will you call ut Steele's, and If my
bracelet is mended bring that up, and -"
"Do you take me for an express wagon"
said Mr. Marshmallow with some asperity.
"Oh, no." said his wife, mot at all, an
express wagon, YOU know, is great con-
venience. But, after all, don't think my
packages will prove half SO buIdensome as
must have the enormous load of fish /
overheard you telling Jack Springer about.
the vast number of trout you caught one
day last summer while we were up in
Maine, you know"
Mr.. Marshmallow descended the steps Of
his house with a wrathful bang of the
door, while lis wife went up stairs. hum
ming a gospel hymn.