The Washington critic., 1886-01-05
THE FLOWING BOWL.
a Hackman's HomiIy on How whisk.
Affects Different Men.

A Hackman's Homily on How whisky
Affects Different Men.
"Did you ever notice how different
men act when they have taken few
nips too much ?" said Sloppy, the hack
man, to Cincinnati Sun reporter, as
the jehu leaned against the iron railing
of the old Postoilice. "Well. If you
haven't you oughter watch EN- some
time. In my business I've all sorts of
fellers, and have lots o. fun or trouble
with them, as the case may be. A
drunken man isn't generally very
pleasant spectacle to sober one, but
it's mighty strange what an inHooence
the old stuff will have on 'cm Now,
amt sayin' nothin' about becr-that
don't count; but I'm rcfcrrin' to plain
everyday whisky-Kcntucky stuff O.
1870 or 80 II answer. In my philoso-
ply there's five kinds of licker-rear-
back, side slant, zig.zag, tallSin', mute,
and sleepin'. Mind you, these are the
species which I've learned from the
way In which the boys act after they've
been loadin' up. If you'll only think
a minute you've seen all five of
| these kinds of tamrack medi-
cine workin' There's the rear
back chap. He throws himself back
as If he was bigger man than u po-
lice commissioner, Everybody knows
he's drunk, and he knows it himself,
but he tries to walk straight to make
people believe he's all right. He's one
| of the funny coves, and If he can get
| you up in corner he'll talk you to
death. Sometimes he's an awful bad
man and if you amt careful out'll
come pop. | alters steer clear of this
kind unless I've got 'em in my hack.
1t don't do to quarrel with that sort.
When my jobs over and they say SO,
when they promised 10 give So, / gen.
orally give In and take the dust with
out a word. Those side slant boozers
are sorry lot. They look like they
call it. They most alters belong to the
barrel-house gang, and their poor hides
are soaked with rotgut. 1t amt long
before they drop in the gutter / tell
you, Christmas is the time to study
human natur' when it's little off in
the masculine gender. They amt
InCuU OT uOtllu VI tllul SOTt. w QUIZ
share their last nickel wild friend. !
never cry, but somehow or other
the briny will come into my
eyes when ] hear that one of
these poor devils has croalSed. There
ain. so tremendous much difference
between the slantin' and the zig-zag
lusher. The zig zagger cant stand
much. About forty.one drops sends
him off, and he has terrible hard time
navigatin'. Good hearted boys they
are, too, as ever lived; fond of good
story or pretty song. Music seems to
be in their very souls. These kind the
country can least afford to spare. They
have big brains and hearts as true as
steel, if it wasn't for the liker, which
scriptur' says gives its color in the cup.
OF all the detestable, meanest critters
on earth, the cryin' drunken man is
the worst. He lays all over feller
and slobbers and weeps and tells all his
troubles and wishes he was dead
Lord knows / wish he was when he
comes round me. He comes under
the talkin' class and amt got nc
friends because everybody wants tC
git out of his way when he's
drunk. He's such a pesky nuisance
i was sittin' in u saloon not fifteen min
utes ago and Jimson here, who's called
by that name, as he grew up so slim
and so much like weed, when one ot
them with love of old rye came in. III,
only said, Gimme drink, and laiC
down his money. He looked like il,
was yearnin' for scrap, and glareC
around the shop as much as IL he wa
saying, What in the HI are you do
ing here?' He drank the stuff, didn'
ask any one up, and went out. | neve
heard O. one O. that kidney ever get
, ting drunk. He's too mean, Speak
, in about the slecpin' drunks. thinl
they are the best o. the whole lot. l'v
seen 'em curl up on chair or table AM
snorc away for four or five hours an,
, not bother nobody. The ar.keeper
, seem to be dead raw against then
, though; say they don't spend no none!
and take up to much room. We hack
men are pretty tough, but we under
stand human nature better'n anybody
except you reporters. If you're goin
, to print what say let me give you on
more pointer. The most disgusting
, thing ON earth is drunken woman.
, man overloaded amt a breathin' spel
, to female on the war path doscd wit
| whisky. She's too oncry to talk about
Want a hack, sir? One dollar to tn
| depot Good night, my boy
; WHEN man is III he should send for
doctor at once; but when he has u cough c