Daily Republican., 1886-11-10
.sUNBEAMs.

appearance therein was asked If he
knew the Lords Prayer. He replied
that he had never heard of il before.
Here an urchin at his side, with a
friendly feeling towards him and de-
sire to excuse his ignorance as much
as possible, said TO the teacher, eagerly
yet sympathizingly: please, ma am,
he's stranger from Pennsylvania
Young Featherly had been impart-
ing TO Mrs. de Towser, who has passed
her first youth, some information
which interested that lady very much.
81 am quite surprised, Mr.. Featherly."
she said, ito hear of this 1t only
shows that-that-" "One is never too
old to learn" prompted Featherly,
CALAMITY.
Cora (rapturously): "What a mag
nificent tree that is over therel'' Mer-
rift quitting on): Eyes, my dear.
That's what Tennyson would call an
immemerial monarch of the forest"
Cora (inquisitively): "But how do
you know it's so old~ Merritt (look-
ing very funny; because l see it's
chestnut"
Customer: II say, Mr.. Barber, I
doa't hear your scissors at work in
my hair" Barber: "There is very
little hair on ysur head" Customer:
"That makes no difference, I pay my
money, and i want you to rattle the
scissors on the bald place just the same
as If 1t had hair on it,"
A young lady singing sentimental
romanza displayed not only extraordi-
nary talent, but a set OF enormous
teeth. "Ah," said lady auditor to
her husband, "what a grand organl"
"Perfect," rejoined her husband /;
''even to the keyboard in her mouth"
A girl In Ohio struck her croquet
partner on the head with mallet;
brain fever set in and the young man
nearly died. The girl was kept under
arrest until his recovery, and when he
got well she married him, and now he's
sorry he didn't die.
"But II / put my money in the
savings bank" inquired one son of
Erin OF another, "when can draw It
out again," "Och," replied his friend,
sure, an If you put it in to-day you
can draw it out again tomorrow by
giving fortnight's notice"
"You fairly worship the ground that
girl walks on, Billy" said Jack, land
can't see why. She's as cold as a
block Of ice." II know she u.s." re-
turned Billy; "and that's why I love
her. It's such jolly fun to 60 up three
times q week and thaw her,
Tommy, who has just received q
severe scolding: Am ! really 30
naughty, mammal Mamma: Eyes,
Tommy, you are o very bad boy ;"
Tommy, rcflectively: swell, anyhow,
mamma, l think you ought to be glad
l amt twinsr'
! A doctor came busting into the
house Of young married man, and in
q cheerful tone asked: "Well, how is
your mother in-law to-day" "There
is no change for the better-eithel
way" cautiously replied the son-in-
law.
4 Just after Serious Quarrel, Mrs,
Dusenberry (sobbing): "Oh, it's just
dreadful to be disappointed in Lowell
Mr.. Dusenberry; There's something
a good deal worse than that" "What
prayr ''To be disappointed in mar
rage"
Said he: ~ think, dear, the dew
is beginning to fall" "I'm glad o
I it," she yawned; ''I've been hoping t.
hear s-dieu for some time" He wen
home and asked his mother what she
thought the girl meant by her am
!. 5iguous remark.
A new novel is called "a Lady'i
Four Wishes" An old bachelor say,
that he has not read the book, but tina
he knows what her wishes are
First, a new bonnet; second, new
bonnet; third, a new bonnet; ant
, fourth, new bonnet"
1t was summer at Brighton Beach
He came there: we met. He wa
handsome and hasty, u coquette. HI
proposed; refused him. loved him
But then l thought, don't you see, HI
a would ask me again. But he didn't.
, No Mistake about It.-"Wby, doc
i tor" said sick lady, "you give mi
the same medicine as you are givin.
, to my husband. How's that?" "Al
right" replied the doctor; "what il
sauce for the goose is sauce for tn,
gander."
] A gentleman's linen cuff, directed tt
the owner, and stamped with penn,
stamp, recently passed through thu
postoffice 1t bore this message
"Please call and pay your washing
bill.-Your Laundress."
A. burglar having been frightened
. away by young lady, her fathe
wanted to know how she did 1t. "Dit
you threaten to shoot the rascal3" h,
asked. mo, pa; / looked daggers a
him." she replied.
eyes, I am opposed to girls marry
| in furriners," said old Mrs. Sipes
"I'm jist that opposed to it that If my
girls can't marry people of their owr
i sex they needn't marry at all, ant
! that's all about It,"
my dear Miss -" said an idl,
fop, "why have you not taken advan
tage of the leap year TO get married?'
BECAUSE" was the reply, 81 am no
yet able to earn enough to support Q
husband"
According to fashion item. the ar
| ticle of feminine wear known as bon
net is now called ''dream." Tha
! may be; but when the bill comes in i
. is no dream. 1t may be nightmare
t however.
| The Latest Method-Jones: 81 Sc,
. Smith has taken to riding a bicycle
What on earth is he doing that forP'
Robinson: "Oh. very simple reason
Ito prevent Mrs. Smith going will
? him