davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25
.Put nm" ar the f.ault House.

The business man tourist will find first
class accommodations az the low price of s2
and s2 80 per day at the Gault House, Chica-
go. corner Clinton and Madison streets. This
far-famed hotel is located in the center of the
city. only one block from the Union Depot
Elevator; all appointments first-class.
HoYT * GATES. Projectors.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

The powers of orstory of T. S. Senator
Voorhees,, of Indiana, are universally ac-
knowledged. Where. even in Demosthenes,
could there be words more eloquent than
these? Z" consider st. Jacobs Oil q splendid
remedy. suffered from rheumatism of the
back. used st. Jacobs Oil, which gave me
instantaneous relief, and then cured me-"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25
Carrots and Clear Compositions.

The consumption of many carrots is
by a French medical authori-
ty as excellent for the complexion. For
tunately carrots can be made very
palatable, and they are easily digest
lille
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

CHEERFUILY recommend Red Clover Tonic
TO those suffering from troubles of the stomach
and liver. am now on my second bottle, and
il makes me feel like a mem man. G. NJ Con-
NOR Nashua, Iowa
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

SENATOR BECK, it is said, can repeat
"The Lady of the Lake" from memory,
knows Burns by heart. and thinks
there are no novels equal to those of
Walter Scott.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

LADY Crying on shoots that shoe
A 1, boy? Boy (new to the business)-
No, mum, it's three, an tight for you
At that.-LJe.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

WHEN barber seeks 10 make himself socia-
able with customer in the chair, he is prob
ably Sscraping an acquaintance - Chicago
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

Il DON'T know about your religious novels, {"
said Deacon Brownsnlth; ~the Bible is good
enough for me-"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

AT church women are more apt to consider
the texture than the text-Neeo York NaH and
ErD,.eSS
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

A NAN il a fool IL he blows his own horn.
--Erchange. He's bigger fool il he blows
some other fellows -I,huadelphid Coll
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25
The oreat oeinlan rnys,cian.

NoDoDY ever knew me to take water!r
yelled big man ia drunken street fight the
other night -Hoas6oa Caller
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

PROF. GRoTHE, of the Brooklyn Board of
Health, analysed Red Star Cough Cure and
found il absolutely free from poisons and
opiates, and safe and sure. Price, % cents.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

THE truly good can enter places where the
devil would blush to be seem Whitehall
Times
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

PURE Cod-Lver on, made from. selected
Iivers on the sea shore, by CAswELI- HAZARD
a. Co., New York. IL 10 absolutely pure and
sweet. Patients who have ence taken it
prefer IL TO all others. Physicians have de-
cided Il superior 20 any o. the other oils in
market
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

"AIL want is my hone," as the barber re-
marked when he grabbed it from his mate. =
BOSTON Transcript
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25
ELYS
CREAM BALM

We haze neue'
handled a cdtarrh
remedy that has
Increased 80 rap
Idly ia sales as
Eiv's Cream Balm
or that has giren
such unirersnI SAT
istdction. - q. ~.
Crittenon, No. lis
Fulton St., Netc
York City.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

n Lady boarding I'm my hotel who suf-
fered SO much pam with facial neuralgia that
she could not SIT up, after taking two doses
of Athophoros was well w. 4. Hammond,
Clerk OF West End Hotel, 500 and 5O5 West
Madison St.. chicago, Ill.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25
A Case Not Beyond Helm.

No Opium In Piso's Cure for Consumption.
Cures where other remedies fail. 25c.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

HAVE the faith-cure people overlooked the
fact that JohnL,L. Sullivan Is heeler.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

What In Il that occurs in a minute, twice
In a moment and not once in Thousand years
The letter IN which is always in sweet gum and
MULLEN. Taylor's Cherokee Remedy Of Sweet
Gum and Mullen will cure coughs. colds, and
consumption-
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

The most desirable hair dressing ever offered
10 the public is Hills Hair Remover.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

You cannot put great hope into q
small SOUL. L. JOnes.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

Ii outrlvals all-Dr. sage's Catnrrh
Remedy
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

PHYSICIANS prescribe Ayers Cherry Pectoral,
on account of It's great curative powers.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

CHAPPED Hands, Face, Pimpes and rough
Skin, CURED by using JUMPER TARsoAP, made
by CAswELL, HAZARD A. Co.. New York.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

BUY sALzea's a. Crosse, via, SEEDS. c.,..Tr-..
n ~H/ Your Newsdensr forTHE CHICAGO
- - ~ LEDSER. the BFsr STORY PAPER
AAsSA4i in the country. Read IL
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25

pariclois sppiied into each nostr end il sree able
circular kLY BROTHERS. Dn1gFists oweeo. ". Y.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-02-25
Dr.. Railways sARsAPARlLLIAN ResoLvEnT
RADWAY, READY RELIEE.

\ SOisiANx&i rare lands, cheap Send Tor price
L list. GEO. X. BRADFOl,D. Land Agent. Rayne. Ia.
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1886-10-07

Andrew Jackson. IL is related, vM At
one time entertained At dinner BY gentle.
msn, aod among those present vas ons Of
tLosr people ~bo often fnd their vsy into
stot, books, ETC.,, ~ the type Of thst ofisn'
siye class of Americans who arc always
tr.ii,ag their DasiopsIity 10 The dnst, 10
the !. Hort 10 exsit their individual inds-
pepisocr. This particular ssatlsmsn'
over tho vice and vslDuts sfter dinner, in
order 70 mphssizs his own indsps ndsncs
OF deposition. Of which be vss loudly
bosAtful. remarked With rare exbibitios
d sell completeness. to General Jackson:
Islssys vote against you. Hr
The company was naturally rendered
speecblsss by this unexpected disc'osuss.
.nd The serne setusiIy looked squalIy;
bot 0.Dsrsi Jackson pas stopper on the
bos.siuI ,ad,vidBl. and avoided fnrthsr
trouble. BY smiiiasIy rsmsfking;
And !, air. have sIssJs fought The bst-
lIes of ny country. that you might enjoy
thst privilsss.
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1886-10-07
Gunlth's 8aloon.

hear that Smith has sold ont his
saloon. said one Of couple Of middle-ased
men. who sat slipping their beer and 'st-
ing bit Of cheese in . Smifhneld street
saloon, last Friday night
Yes, responded the other, rather slowly.
What was the reason2 ! thought he
was coming money there
The other nibbled cracker ahstrsctedly
| for moment and then said:
Its rather . funny story. Smith you
know. lives on Mount Washington. near
| me, where he has an excellent wife, : nice
home and three as pretty children - ever
played outdoors. All boys, you know, tho
eldest not over nine, and oil about the
same size. Smith Is pretty respectable
sort Of citizen. never drinks tor gsmbles.
nd thinks the world Of bis family.
Well, he went home one afternoon last
week, aud found his wife out shopping,
or something of that sort, He went on
through the house into the back yard, and
there. .ruder an apple tree. were the littl'
fellows playing. They hsd bench and
some bottles and Aumblers. and we're play,
| ing keep saloon. lie noticed they we're
drinking something out Of pail, and that
they acted tipsy The youngest, who vas
behind the bar, Ind towel tied around
bis waist, and was setting up the drinks
pretty free Smith walked over and looked
| 10 the pail. II was beer, and two Of tho
boys we're so drunk that they staggered
A neigLbor's boy, couple Of years older,
lay asleep behind the tree.
My God, boys. ,ou must not drink that.
be said, As he lifted ihc si1 .year-oId from
behind the bench
We's playing s'lo.u, papa, tn' an ! wy
ssllin' II Just like you, said the littl
fellow.
Smith poured out the beer. carried the
druuksn boy home, and then took bis own
boys in the house and put them 10 bed
when bis wife came home she fonnd him
cry Ing like clill Iis came hack down
town ii. i uignt and sold out his business
.ad be says he will never sell or drink
another drop Of liquor His vile told
mine about It, aud sLe broke do~n crying
While she told il.
This IL true story. but the name was
not Smith.
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1886-10-07

A fsw months ago Col lngsssoll Vas
thrown accidentally into the society
Henry Ward Beechcr. There we're four
Or hvs gseilemen present. al Il whom
vsrs prominsnt 10 Tho world Of brains
A variety of topics we're discussed with
decided briiliancy bat no Allusicn made u
religion. The distinguished iohdsl wss,
Of course too polite 10 Introduce the snh
iect himacli. bat one Of The party hnaily.
desiring 10 see 4 tiit between bob aud
becchcr. msde playful r-osrh sboat
COL Inser~olls idiosyncrasy. - he termed
IL Tho colonel II once defended his view
in his ususl apt rhetoric, in fact he
waxsd eloquent, He WAS replied 10 ny
several gentlemen iu very effective rcpsf
tes, Contrary 70 tho expectation cf oil,
Mr.. Beechcr remained an sbstraeiod lie
tcner, and said not word, The gentle.
man Who Introduced the topic With tho
hope that Beechsr would answer Col.
InesraolI Il last remarked
Mr.. Bccoher. have you nothing 70 cay
on this question:
The old man slowly lifted himself from
bis attitude, aud replied;
Nothing Tin fact, II you viii excuse mo
for changing the conversation l viii say
that while you gentlemen we're talking
my mind was bent upon most deplorable
spectacle which Witnessed to-day.
What was II? 81 oncc inquired lngersoll.
who. not withstanding his peculiar views
OF the hereafter. Is noted for bis kindncss
OF heart.
Why, said Mr.. Beeoher, ~ Was walking
down town to day, saw poor lame man
with crutches slowly and carefully picking
his way through cesspool Of mud. Ia The
endesvor 10 cross the street. He had Just
crossed tho middle Of the Alth whcn .
big burly rnfliaiu. himself despatched.
rushed up TO him. and jerked the crutches
from under tho unfortunate man. left him
spawling and helplessin the pool Of liquid
dirt, which almost engulfed him.
What brute he was they all echoed.
Yes said the old man, rising from his
chair and brushing back his long white
hair, while his eyes gliltered with thek old
time FIRE, yes, Col. Ingersoll and you are
the man. The human soul Is lame, but
Christianity gives II crutches to enable il
TO pass across the pathway Of life, II is
your teachings that knock these crutches
from under II, aud leave II helpless aud
rudderless wreck III the slough OF despond
II robbing the human soul Of its only sup
port on this earth, religion, be your pro !.
fession, why ply il to your hearts content
II requires an architect to erect build
ing; any iucendisry may reduce II to ashes.
The old man sat down, and silence
brooded over the scene. Col. lngersoll
found that he had master 10 bis own
power Of illustration and said nothing
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1886-10-07

4 N1ff Send 10 cents postage. and ~
,IlkI viii mail vou free slroysL valsA
-, sanpis NJ 4 l5d3as -
vtll put you In TIE vsy Of making moro noney
q once, than anythine elss 10 Ansdes. ~
ssxss Of I'll ages can live q home and work ID
spare time. OF Ill the timc. Capital not rsQuir.
"a, We vii start you. Immense psy surs for
thoss Who stast st once. erixsos i Co.. Port
lapd. Maine.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03
NO NATTER.

He vas reading a novel, and his
white plug hat rested OF the seat
beside him. He did not notice the
stoppage of the train nor realize that
an old lady was searching for a seat.
His mind finally drifted off the sto
ry to find her snugly ensconced be-
side him. EHH-
MADAM, had a hat in this seat"
he cautiously observed.
Don't doubt it, sir, she replied,
as she disposed of her satchel.
"And you probably sat on it."
"Shouldn't bit wonder"
ain which case the hat must be
completely wrecked" i.stF
"It certainly must, and therefore
there is no need Of my getting up
until they call out my station. Please
hist up the winder. l allus did like
the smell Of coal smokey. Y. Sun.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03

fever on him, his country, big as it
is, is too small to hold him.
"Yees, your country ees a big
country said his French acquaint-
ance, who sat opposite to him.
"Big country" exclaimed the
American, / striking the table with
his hand; "its is the biggest country
in the world"
"I've been there" said the French
man; sit is full of wonderful sights,
Niagara Falls, for instance"
"Never saw it," said the American;
"never could find time to visit it,"
"And de Yosemite Valley, contin-
ued the Frenchman.
Never had a chance to 90 there"
said the American,
"And de Yellowstone Park"
"Heard lots about it, but never
could find time to visit it,"
"And de Mammoth Cave of Ken
lucky" fsfkfII T.
Blamed if ever thought of Wis
iting that" :
Ode palisades of de Hudson
"Whew Did intend to see them,
but always had so much to look af-
ter, you know, andT Il
"And the scenery, magnifque at
de White Mountains"
"Never could find time, to take a
trip up there, by gosh" s.
"Of course you have seen de
Thousand Islands, and de rapids of
de st. Lawrence, Lake George, Lake
Champlain and all dose beautiful
places 2,
Never had time to visit any of
those places. Always had too much
business On hand
"Why come to see de tame scene
ny Of Europe when you haven't seen
de grand scenery and de wonders of
your w country?'
Because Tn a dinged fool. I'll
go right home on the next boat. A
man who hasn't been any further
east than ~Swampscott and any furth-
er west than North Adams in his
own country has no business in
Europe"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03
AN OLD

Anxious Mother-"Edward, [ wish
you would 60 up stairs and see
Charles. The poor boy is in great
distress" tft
Unfeeling Father-"What ails
him ?"
"Remorse. | forbade him to 90
fishing with the Simpson boys and
he went. He s-very much grieved
over his disobedience, and is really
sick-and so pale and weak!'
ayes, I saw him as he went up
stairs. Make yourself easy, my
dear. There's another name for it
beside Remorse. 1t is generally
known as His First Cigar."-CaM.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03
CAUGHT IT ALL ALONE.

On the boat coming down from
the Flats the other evening was a
young man and a black bass. They
were a pair. That is, the young man
had in some way accumulated the
fish, which was dead. He was such
a guileless-looking young man that
several parties thought to guy him
and his catch. The fish was hang
ing to a peg, and with it a pair OF
small balances, which enable a fish
erman to weigh his victims provid-
ing they don't go over twenty
pounds.
"Catch it all alone? p asked one.
No reply. .
"Pull very hard p asked a second.
If Nc reply so Ill tlttsS
"Were you much over three days
about it?' queried a third, and so. it
went on for ten minutes, while the
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03

fisherman had nothing to say. At
length one of the crowd remarked :
THAT bass will weigh all Of half a
pound" 50
II doubt it." replied another.
Say, fisherman, what are the fig
ures?'
Two pounds" was the solemn
answer. e. f2a
"Get out!'
The nan pulled a ten-dollar bill
from his vest pocket and laid it on
his knee and said:
IF he don't the money is yours.
put up" .''' .'1 '.''f
After some hesitation a shake
purse of $40 was raised, the fish
hung to the scales, and he showed
an ounce over. The crowd kicked
on the scales, and the fish was weigh
ed in the steamers pantry. The
figures held good, but he was weigh
ed again whan the boat landed, and
the money had to be passed over.
How did youdo itY' asked a po-
liceman when the crowd had dis
persed.
"Simply poured seventeen ounces
of birdsshot down his throat was
the reply; and he let the fsh's head
drop and the shot puttered out on
the wharf like ayoung hailstorm.-
Detroit Free Press.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03
THE CONSUL'S LIFE is NOT A
HAPPY ONE.

by Bret Harte, late Q. 8. Consul to GlasgoaD.l
I'm acquainted with aff1iction, chiefly in the
form of fiction, as it's offered up by
strangers at the Consul's open door;
And I know all kinds of sorrow that relief
would try to borrow with various sums,
from sixpence upwards to a penny more!
And 1 think I know how all fancy styles of
active mendicancy, from the helpless
Irish soldier who mixed in our country's
war;
And h laid in Libby Prison in a war that
wasn't his'n, and 1 sent back to the coun-
try-that he never saw before.
know the wretched seaman who was tortured
by a demon captain till he fed in terror
with his wages in arrear;
And I've given him sufficient to ship as an
efficient and active malefactor with a
gentle privateer.
Oh, I know the wealthy tourist who Through
accident the purest) lost his letters, watch
and wallet from the cold deck coming
DER:
And 1 needed that preamble and lent him
enough to gamble till he won back all his
money on "a cold deck here ashore!
have tickets bought for mothers and their
babes-that were another's-and their
husbands who not always could be
claimed as theirs alone;
Till I've come to the conclusion that for ethical
confusion and immoral contributions 1
nave little left unknown! a-
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03
HE HAD NO BUSINESS IN sEU-
ROPE.
Goldsboro N. G.

Yes, SIR" said the American mil
lionaire, as he consulted the bill of
fare in a Partisan cafe, II delight in
travel. When l was a boy, working
for So a week, 1 used to think what
a grand thing it would be if | had
money to travel all over the
world. / resolved then that(f ever
I became. rich / would see the noted
places of the earth. Well, | made
money, and here | am at Paree on
my tour of observation. When an
American citizen, sir, gets the travel
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03
HOW WARS ~IGI

"Papa,, how do nations get into
war;" asked TommySeasonby
Sometimes one way, sometimes
another" said the father. "Now,
there are Germany and Spain-they
came near getting into war because
a spanish mob took down the Ger
man flag" -
/ n"No, my DEAR put in Mrs. Seas
lonby, that wasn't the reason" 4
"But, my darling" said Mr.. Seas
onby, don't you suppose | know ?
You are mistaken. That vas the
reason"
mo dearie, you are mistaken. 1t
was because the Germans"
"Mrs. Seasonby, [ say it was be-
"Peleg, you know better. You
r only trying to-
MADAM, l don't understand that
your opinion was asked in this mat
ter anyway" f.
"Well, l don't want my boy in
structed by an old ignoramus."
"See here, you impudent--"
"Put down your cane you old
brute. Don't you dare bristle up to
me, or TN send this rolling-pin at
your head, you DID,"
"Never mind" interrupted Tom
my, II guess l know how wars be-
gin."-Chicago Neus.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03

AN ATOM OF MUsK.-The odorifer-
Gus molecule of musk is SO infinitesi-
mally small as to be detected only
by the sense of smell, no magnifying
power having yet been invented
which will enable the human eye to
discern it. Place" one of these atoms
in an. unventilated room and the
atmosphere will soon become un-
bearable from it's "heaviness of per-
fume." A grain of musk will scent
millions of cubic feet of air without
sustaining any appreciable loss OF
weight. Owing to its s~uperlative
strength the musk of commerce is
enormously 1adulterated with dried
blood, leather fragments, and similar
substances.-IHe american Field.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-03-03
With Cotton a. Eiga. s:i a ssi Cents, Poor
Crops aud Bad !siss
WHAT SHALL BE DONE

ooOs
The situation of our Farmers, and
more especially of those in the Eastern
Counties, is a serious one. With cotton
at 81 cents and everything else in the
same proportion, it is doubtful whether
our people can make cotton at all
with the old method. Thousands of
thoughtful men all through the
South are considering earnestly this
question: WHAT SHALL BE DONE?
With prices of their products way down
and the prices of all they buy not re-
duced in the same proportion, what
shall be lone to feed the family, buy
clothes and send the children to school
during this New Year? All this time
sensible men are cutting down every ex-
pense and resolving that they will make
more at home. Milk, meat, vegetables
must be made in larger quantities and
groceries saved corn, oats and grass
must be provided for the horses, cows
and hogs. High-priced fertilizers and eve
ry extra thing are entirely out of the
question. The wise man will buy the
cheapest and best ingredients only and
make fertilizers at home this year.
At this time, THE NORTH CARROLL
Ma PHOSPHATE COMPANY, an ex-
clusively North Carolina Company, work
ing nothing but North Carolina material,
wants to inform the prudent men just
described how they can help themselves
and help a home enterprise by buying
LIME PHOSPHATE, the cheapest Phos-
phate ever sold in North Carolina. 1t is
to the interest of every farmer in North
Carolina to write to the NORTH CARO-
LIMA PHOSPHATE COMPANY at
Raleigh, N. c., and learn how to save
money and make a good fertilizer that
will make a good crop at a very low
price.
1-3ms.