Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1886-02-06
PAVED WITH TEETH.
The Public Square Uttered and Lined
With the ivory OifshOots OF
Many Pairs OF Gums.
Here Bring Your Aching Tooth, Hero Tell
Your Anguish; Earth Has no Sorrow
That Liuiment Cannot Heal.

The credulity of the average human
mind is only equaled in extent by the IL
Irritable areas of chaos. If all Truth
were concentrated into one small bulk and
placed in all its purity beside the glamour
OF casket of Fiction, human choice
would make its shrine OF the casket and
its footstool of truth.
Each day for the past week has been
witnessed on the public square one of
those unfortunately too numerous oc-
casions, which caused the immortal
Shakespeare in disgust TO write:
"What fools we moitals bel" A
pageant consisting OF a gaudy
circus-like wagon, drawn by three horses,
and bearing woman dressed like an
Arabian female of fashion of the fifteenth
century, healthy-looking individual,
who looks like he may have been the
property man of a variety theater, and a
lot of horribly bad musicians, parades the
street to noise SO hideous that people
stop their ears as 1t passes. The process
sion generally brings up on the west side
OF the square, where large crowd is at
tracted by that greatest of all magnets
curiosity Their attention is secured by
performance, which has, at least, the
merit of novelty. 1t is announced
that Nine. -, the great female
doctress, will pull all aching teeth free of
charge. very large part Of the human
family would be willing TO have all its
iaw-nippers, sound or decayed, extracted
under such an inducement, 80 strong Is
that principle which yearns after some
thing for nothing. The result is the or
ganization OF cavalcade OF toothache
sufferers, who march in Indian file upon
the band-wagon. The candidate for ease
mounts the step of the wagon, is
pushed into a seat, throws open
his mouth, indicates the obnoxious
tooth presto, 1t is gone. All
the while the band is play
ing something, which Tor Gnght anybody
knows (and from its awe-inspiring dis
cord) may be Of its own composition.
The movements of the fair operator are as
suggestive OF the "poetry OF motion" as
the dancing OF "A Mexican maiden at
fandango. The regulation VI the position
OF the patient, the poise OF the instrument
In the air and finally the sudden Hight Of
the tooth itself all keep measured time To
the sonorous blast of the cornet and the
tempestuous clamor of the drum. IL Is
estimated that the average time
required for the extraction OF
a tooth Dy bnlS plouley Va
dentistry is about ten seconds, allowing
fair time for lncidentals. This would
make 500 teeth an hour. The estimate Is
not perhaps exaggerated that she has
pulled between three and four Thousand
teeth since her arrival here. The square
Is literally paved with teeth, little teeth,
big teeth, long teeth, short teeth, sharp
teeth, blunt teeth--teeth of all sorts, ages
and sizes. II teeth were as valuable as
ivory, elephants wouldn't sell for song
In Fort Worth.
Every story has sequel, and
every scheme climax. Alter the
musicians have exhausted their lungs
and the patience of long-sufering pub
iic--and the aching mouth yields up no
more It's pestiferous tusk, the female
Esculapius delivers a harangue In Italian,
which is repeated by her husband 10 an
unknown gibberlsh, the gist OF when Is
that she Is selling the most wonderiul
medical discovery known TO man. rms
she generously distributes among ner
diseased and credulous spectators at inc
small cost Of 81 a bottle.
And 1t ands sale? OF course were
she TO declare it the nectar Of the gods,
one sip OF which would bring eternai
youth, there are people--and plenty Oh
ihem--who would buy.