St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1886-02-07

every udNs TIE 0OnOI
was sufficient compensation for the labor il
incurred.
After the minutes of the last meeting had
been read and unfinished business attended
to, Windgall arose and said he had no idea
of the evil influences Of ice carnivals until
he come to his senses the morning after the
Tramp's Snowshoe club had taken its first
run and found himself straddling a rail
fence trying to pull frozen whisky out of a
bottle with a crooked cOrkscrew. He then
fully realized the terrible risk the man run
who has any truck with the wild and I'M
tanned Ice carnival, that allows the cold
north wind to blow through its whiskers
without wiping them OFF. Then he de-
scended from that fence OF rails, to which
the
FOUNDATION OF HIS PANTS
had firmly frozen and solemnly vowed that
he would never again attempt TO run an ice
carnival VS.. John b. Cough, so long as his
creator blessed him with sufficient strength
TO wear perforated pants and unlined coats.
he was exceedingly bitter in his denuncia-
ton of tobogganing and snowshoeing and
he laid especial stress on the former. He
said that any man who would stretch him
self out on the hind end of a tOboggan and
keep jabbing at the icy track with big toe.
was calcimined chump, for no man was
ever known to raise two crops of toes on
the same foot and the man who became a
habitual tobOgganer was sure TO need a new
crop after the season was over. AS for the
man who straddled a tobOggan and rode
down hill without putting safety pins in his
back hair or mO0red the bottom OF his pant
legs TO his boots with stout rope, he was
so badly effected with necrosis of the eere-
hrfn, thnf
live and waste fresh air. ANY man who
started out with an impression that he could
stow away all the loose snow and icicleS on
the hill in the legs of his pants. was damp
fool and he generally found it out
when he arrived at the bottom.
He thought there was not much to be
chosen between tobogganing and snows
shoeing. The latter sport had tendency
to exhaust man from the basement up.
and whenever fellow went out for a run
on snowshoes he felt duty bound to take a
contract TO drink all the whiskey along the
line. and the consequence was he usually
stood out looking for fresh saloons until his
system frOZe up and he became the victim
of a severe attack of suspended animation.
A snOwshOer might leave headquarters i'm a
perfectly Susan b. Anthony condition, but
it was snowshOer thing that he would re-
turn in the same condition. The '.balefuT'
effect of snowshoeing on the women Of the
country was the most TO be feared. Men
could stand it comparatively we'll. but when
any influence was brought to bear on the
female population of the United States that
would tend to give the lower half of them
the appearance of having been manufactured
in barrel factory, it was time to vel
whoa. Women were calculated to be a joy
forever, but woman whose lower extremi-
ties are gotten up on semi-circulOr plan is
better fitted to hold down a kicking bronco
than TO pose before the American public as
THING OF BEAUTY.
Then. too, continuous walking on snow
shoes has the effect of making ones toes
cross-eyed, which gives bad impression on
the street. especially if the transverse toe:
happen TO be worn by a woman.
He thought the custom of taking an or
binary business man out from behind hi:
desk and away from his price list of corner
lots. throwing a coon skin coat over his
shoulders. covering his face with a chear
paste-bOard mask and calling him king. wa:
wrong IN country where Democracy
governs. ''Bayles." said he. ats al
darned fOOliShness, and I-dOn't perpOse ter
hey emmy more truck with it.
wns approached when the ice
palerce wus fust perpOSed an asked ter take
sum stock in it, but yer bet yer sweet life ]
wus sharp enough ter keep out OF it.
There's no doubt tibet Their debts Ov ther ice
palace association will be liquerdated in
Their summer when ther sun gifts hot enough
ter melt Their business, but not afore; ar
| furthermore. it is ruinin our free lunch op
portunities, fur every one Ov them is crowded
nowerdays with dudes. wrapped up i'm fan.
mel. and we gentlemen don't git no show,
fur them fellers carry their appurtite:
around with them every day in Their week.
Now my idea is ter disband Their tramp.
snowshoe club an donate our uniforms {,
Their people ov Kansas. ter purtect then
from grasshoppers. What der yer thinl
ov it?''
Penhollow Swipes said he favored tn,
idea OF disbanding the club, as he had al
ready gone snowblind in one eye but n
thought better disposition could be mad
of the uniforms. ge proposed that they b
sent to the state historical society as proof
Of the advancement of science and art il
the Northwest during the eighteenth ant
nineteenth centuries.
ALAoND-EYED NATHAN,
his his? feet saG 50 i Sadip ~
y ~