News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-09-02


"Say, are you fortune teller?"
eyes, miss, that's my business"
"You can read the future, can't you9"
Gas clearly as | can the past"
"Well, I'll bring around my future
tomorrow want you to read him, so
can tell if his affection is sincere. y
Chicago Raneb er.
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
A MILLIONAIRE is miserably poor in
presence of an assessor.
Your true American is ready to paint
almost anything red but the flag he car
ries.'
OUR little ones are getting ragged and
| dktY-0ur little one-dollaf Bills we re-
IT is something of paradox, but the
man who gets over Niagara Falls never
| gets over it.
! If it is a deadly sin to sell pure whis-
XIV, what shall we do with the man who
! sells it adulterated?
IT is curious fact that the sun never
shines so hot on the baseball grounds as
! it does on the harvest field.
THERE is young lady in Burlington
so sensitive that she cannot see railroad
cut without feeling hurt herself.
| A NEBRASKA farmer says that acres
and acres of corn is growing this year
without ears. 1t is probably tired of
hearing about low prices.
| WHEN they get into scrimmage down
7 in Mexico it always takes people quite
spell to tell accurately which Is the
, Government and which is the revolution.
THE statement that cigarette smoking
induces softening of the brain, is purely
theoretical, and cannot be verified until
people with brains to soften attempt the
experiment.
''WHAT do you grow on this land"
he inquired of farmer, who was lean
ing over fence inspecting particular
Iy barren piece of ground. Sorrow lazy"
was the satisfactory reply.
A LADY who is suffering dog day
weather up in one corner OF New Hamp
shire writes that it seems as if "breaths
were sold at auction and everybody was
able to bid higher than you"
PRoPoUNDING to boy seven years old
the old riddle, Ground the house, and
hole" he gave as his immediate solu-
ton; "a woman-isn't that it9"
No WOMAN ever engages in larger
contract than when she marries man
hoping to reform him faom evil habits.
The best possible advice is, Don't; let
some other woman try it if she desires.
81 AM perfectly at home in the water, >
said an old topper, as he plunged into
the surf THAT is where you have the
advantage over water" was the unfeel-
ing remark of bystander who knew
! him.
TAHoR-You have recently inherited
a nice lump Of money from your uncle
why don't you pay me2 Customer /
hate all outward show. | don't want it
! to be said that my newly acquired
wealth has caused departure from my
former simple habits.
IN a criminal court-TO the witness :;
'Did you see the accuse fire his re,
volver?n Eyes; | saw MIN shoot. !"
GLOW far were YOU from him" NV hen
| he fired the first time l was about ten
feet away." "And when he fired the
second timer" ''The second time
we'll about a hundred yards"
"Now, LITTLE boy, what is the mean
inc of the word hypocrisyF asked an
Austin Sunday school teacher of her
favorite pupil. 81 cant explain what
it is but l know it all the same. p"
"Give me an example of hypocrisy"
"Wheu fellow says he loves his Sun
day school teacher. That's Hypocrisy"
"C6RREsPoNDENTs should write their
post card communications so distinctly
that those who walk may read" said
gentleman yesterday 'T saw a post
man this morning so deeply engaged in
reading one of these illegally written
cards that he walked 20 PAGES past the
house it was addressed to, and had to
go back to put it through the hole in
the door