The true northerner., 1886-07-29
HUMOR.

COOP staying qualities-the girl with
q small waist.
~PM well backed with silver, as the
looking-glass said.
TRUSTING to chants expecting to
get to heaven by singing.
A MAN who starts a newspaper with
the expectation that his relatives will
subscribe for it is we'll qualified for a
position somewhere as q rusher in
where angels fear to otread.-EsteHtne
Bell.
WHAT'S the population of Chicago?'
asked a gentleman of a citizen. Not
less than 700, 900 souls, was the reply.
"But want the total population. Not
simply those with souls
"I AM surprised at the appearance Of
your friend B. He looks wretched
Do you know if he has been disap-
pointed in love?" NO; he has been
disappointed in marriage"
AN Irishman in strange town stood
looking at a strange vessel. Where
are you from, Pat?" "Begorra, sir, I'm
from anywhere but here he replied,
"and I'll soon be from here, too sir"
moaning around the kitchen, when
her mistress asked her if she was i'll.
"No, ma'am, not 'zactly," said Betsy.
"But de fac is, 1 don't feel ambition
'nough to get out of my own way"
GRATITUDE.
How common is ingratitudel
As common as Ills hateful
And they are great and really good
Who are for favors grateful,
Whose memory of benefits
Is like II star that never sets.
boston Courier.
Mrs. PARTINGToN, after attending a
country church in winter, remarked
that the text was very appropriate, but
somehow the parson did not refer to
it il his sermon. The text, as it caught
the old lady's ears, was: MANY are
cold, but few are frozen"
SMALL boy (to sisters suitor): "Do
you always carry an umbrella, Mr..
Frosh?" Mr.. f.: Certainly not"
S. B.: "Then you must get awfully
wet sometimes. Mr.. F.: "Why SOP"
$. B.. Cause sis says she doesn't
think you have sense enough to go in
when it rains. "-BoSton Courier.
DE JoNEs--I wish ! could afford to
board at better place than Mrs.
Grindham's." Sniikins-"Well, there's
no use in a mans quarreling with
his bread and butter, as the saying
goes" Snitkins-"No, particularly
the butter. man should know better
than to quarrel with anything as strong
as that"
POLITICIAN (pointing to a passer-by,
and addressing a friend)-"There goes
the man we want for chairman of the
convention" Friend-"Who, Patter-
son? Why, he is rather deaf. Poll
tician-" That's why we want him for
chairman. He belongs to our faction,
and won't hear any motion that is not
to our interest. Best chairman, when
he happens to be on the right side, L
ever saw. Arkd1lSdW TrdUeier.
The new boarder had ordered an
early breakfast, and the new cook had
served HIM by putting the entire
Easter breakfast before him. When
the mistress entered he had Just arisen
from the table. Madam" said he,
"vou are over-generous. / managed to
get away with the. platter of eggs you
had me served with, but in the future
please bear in mind that eight or ten
eggs at a meal is ample for me. -
YOnkerS Gazette.
THE WANTS OF A MODERATE MAN.
He said nc had no wish TO be opulent with a
bank note rOtund, and distended, and cor
pulent: but he didn wish to live like the
primitive Quakers, or butchers, or bakers,
or rcandlestick-makers, but in a fine brown
stone surrounded by statues, and set in q
lawn of some forty acres.
Applause for dear clothing is not worth tho
winning, he desired no wardrobe of purple
and linen but he didn't wish TO go attired
like n sailor, dress in a uniform suit
like n iaier; and all that he wished was
some two dozen changes made up in good
style by fashionable tailor.
He wished no rich viands to gladden. his peptcs,
or 70 coddle his stomach like chronic dys-
peptics but he wished a cuisine and a
French cook t. cater, n professional ex-
pert, no commonplace waiter no statu-
esque. boarding house, imbecile bungler
TO scatter his chaos of pie and potato.
He wished no small army OF liveried depend
ents, no uniformed lackoYs and cringing
attendants but he didn't wish to live like
hermit or miser. but in plentiful leisure
as better and wiser; and some twenty SER
wants and forty good walters would make
life worth living for him and Eliza.
Lynn Union.