The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1886-07-30
BUMPS AND TRAITS.
The Mistakes OF Psychological Fellow
Whose Bumps Varied from the
Chart.


newspaper men making up TO each
other-not when they were both away
from home. L liked his looks from the
start, and when he realized it he brought
out a chart of his head which Professor
Fowler had given him. According to
the chart his leading traits were:
l. Extreme liberality.
2. Utter absence of selfshness.
3. Strong friendship.
/ was glad that the chart confirmed
my own private impressions, and our
friendship was cemented with the blood
of the revolution, for which the land
lord charged ten cents glass On the
fourth day we went out together in o
skiff on the bay to fish. He insisted on
paying for the bait and in rowing the
boat, and that agreed exactly with trait
No. /. We were half mile off shore,
and still going ahead, when the skif'
banged against some unseen object,
the bottom was stove in, and the next
moment she filled to the gunwales The
oars floated away as we foated out, and
we settled down to business with the
wreck floating full of water, and he
hanging to one end and to the other.
1t was only then that suspicion crept
into my mind that Fowler hadn't felt
of that chaps bumps in dead earnest.
"You did it-you internal idiot-you
did itp' he yelled at me, as he got Little
Traverse Bay out of his mouth.
AS Fowler hadn't included truth in
his leading traits, felt free to deny the
allegation, but he repeated it in Wig
orous manner and added:
''I've got revolver, and if YOU don't
let go of this boat Iii shoot YOUR
''For why?" says l.
"Becausc it won't float both of us, and
I'm going TO save myself at any cost"
That was his --utter absence OF self
ishness," as recorded on the chart, and
was surprised and grieved to think
Fowler had been SO taken in. L asked
for little grace, and he replied:
Give you just two minutes to say
your prayers"
l wanted twenty, and he wouldn't
even compromise on six. That was
more of his extreme liberality." When
l saw that he was inclined to hurry the
funeral bounced the boat around and
prevented him from getting at his
weapon, which had stuck fast in his wet
pocket. Pretty soon he tried another
lay. Said he:
II am married man and have four
children. All you've got is a wife, and
she's half dead ut that. Have some
reason about YOU"
L agreed to argue the case, each side
being limited to five minutes, and he
charged me with cold-blooded selfish
ness. If the circumstances were only
reversed he'd die for me in minute,
but as we couldn't reverse 'em he had
another proposition. If I'd let 90 and
die quietly and decently he'd raise at
least 800 for my widow if he was saved
and would give me column notice in
the Tribune. describing the details of
my heroic act, and winding up with the
paragraphs:
1--WE are certain that the public will
not let his grave remain unhonored by
n fitting tablet"
| wanted to know what sort of a tab
let, the cost. etc. had seen so many
cheap tablets that felt like holding out
for Scotch granite monument, with an
angel on the apex. He got so mad ut
the delay that | had to bounce the boat
again TO keep the pistol in his pocket.
When he had Gained down he appealed
to my generosity and manly honor. He
had just had his salary raised. His
had just come 10 appreci-
ate him for what he was He was the
president of Chicago literary society,
and n leading member of debating
club. His future wasfull of the biggest
kind of watermclons, and the whole |
I. ~
salary worth mcntioning-nof ather-in
law ut all-no hopes beyond fourth-hoor |
rates. Wasn't it better to die a hero |
than to live OH like Il thistle by the road
sidep l asked him to put his language
in the form of motion. which he did |
and vote was taken-it was stand
Off His side only got one vote and
that was half full of water.
L never saw chap so full of motions
and resolutions as he was for three
quarters of an hour, and never attend
ed a caucus where the opposition was
so determined to vote them all down.
He had apparently exhausted his stock
and was hunting for something new,
when he lost his hold on the wreck and
went Observation-Disclosures four
feet, where he rested solidly on sand
bar. The water for fifty feet around
was from two to four feet deep, and it
was the end of q sunken spar which had
wrecked us. He came over to me and
held out his hand, but 1 waded away
from him in II dignified manner. He
said he was only in fun, and he offered
me three fish-hooks, u jack-knife, ball
Of string, and big hunk of Petoskey
maple sugar to resume friendly and
confidential relations. In vain. A
fisherman came out and took us off the
par, and we never spoke again. A man
whose bumps deceive a phrenologist is
no fellow to tie to-DetroH Free Press.