Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-07-05

cure for religious apathy-the move
ment cure.
counter-irritant-t lady who prices
everything and buys nothing.
When the scales fall from a mans eyes
he ought to be able to see long weigh.
As an inducement to young men, it may
De said that good wife is never miss.
An indirect way of getting drink of
water at cheap boarding house is to ask
for Il third cup of tea.
''Hello, Charles what are you doing
now?" Nothing. You see we had IA fire
down at our store" "You did?" 'Yes, l
was fired"
correspondent asks how to serve
dinner. If it is good dinner and you
are hungry, just eat it. That's the way
we would serve IA dinner.
The only thing that equals the sponta-
neousnesS with which this country propos-
es monument is the unanimous cordial
ity with which it isn't built.
81 wish l were as TALL AS YOU" remark
ed Binks to Jinks. ooh! I'm not always
as tall as SEEM" mo. Sometimes Tm
very short. Can you lend me ive?"
''The doctor said he'd put me on my
| feet again in two weeks" "Well, didn't
| he do it?" ''He did, indeed. l had to sell
my horse and buggy to foot his BILL"
'Isnt it heavenly" calculated Miss
Gush, in reference to Miss Pedals per-
formance on the piano. "Yes," replied
Fogg, sit is indeed heavenly. 1t sounds
like thunder"
The Boston Globe is trying to make the
ladies think hard of Vanderbilt. 1t says
he was worth enough to give every wo-
man in New England sealskin sacque,
and he did it not.
A grindstone, says an agricultural con-
temporary, is one of the worst used i'm.
plements on the farm, and, by the pow.
ers the other is the boy who has to turn
the blasted thing.
81 feel like mother earth,'' said de-
feated candidate to friend the morning
after the election. Chow is that? asked
his friend. 81 have been fiattened at the
polls" was the reply.
Can twins get penshun when one is
ded end the other is gurl? Let me know
afore my old man dies who has got mis-
cry in his stummick.-Letter to the Com
missioner OF pensions.
Gibbs: $50 the man was killed at the
hotel, was hep" Squibbs Eyes, shot right
in the .rotunda." Gibbs: ''Great Scott
No wonder it killed him. That's terri
BILE place to hit a man.
Gil Bargar of Ohio has given his views
On the Presidential succession. This is
important. An Ohio man so seldom gives
anything that when he does SO history
should make note Oft.
Quinn, being asked by lady why there
were more women in the world than men,
replied: 'It is in conformity with other
arrangements of nature. We always see
more of heaven than of EARTH
The New York reporters couldn't get
much to say about the presidents BRIDE
elect while she was at the GilseY house
oyer Sunday, bnt they managed to get
copy of her bill of fare and an accurate
description of the waiter who served it.
A boy, hearing his father pray for the
missionary cause, especially for the wants
of the missionaries, and that their insti-
tutions might be supplied with abundant
means, said to him, 'tFather, 1 wish l
had your money "Why, my son, what
would you do with it," asked the father.
The boy replied, 81 would answer your
prayers"
1t was at the dinner table. His father
was saying something to his mother about
| dynamite. "O,' exclaimed Jack, looking
across to Eloise with an evident desire to
impress her with his requirements, 81
know what dynamite is2" .sWhat is it?,
| inquired Eloise. ssIts something that
you blaspheme rocks with" Jack explain
| ed.
| Hs
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