The Ouachita telegraph. [volume] (Monroe, La.) 1865-1889, 1886-07-04
OUR JOLLY DIPLOMATS,

N. o. States.)
Under the present Democratic adj
miuistration the American Ministers
and Consuls are earning their salaries
by furnishing the State Department,
with a great deal of information
which will be of value to the country
1t was only few days ago that our
Consul General to Switzerland startled
the government, and made even the
the bald-healcd American eagle
pause and think, by informing the
State Department by letter that he
had discovered cheese out there 200
years of age. That old cheese must
have been grand sight. In our
minds eye we can sec the bold repre-
sentative CT this glorious land Of liber-
ty, holding his nose firmly with his
thumb, and forefinger, and gazing in
admiration at the noble yet vigorous
old cheese, tho smell Of which trails
along the dusty pathway Of two cen.
turtles, and is moving steadily forward
into the future.
1t must be grand aud influential
old cheese to have SO long held its
own against the insatiate tooth of
Time, but, since we come to the con-
clusion, Time has no show whatever
in a contest with such a powerful Ad.
versary. One Whit Ut the breath Of
the aged cheese would paralyze Time
aud Time, being, sensible old chap,
knows it, and keeps out of the way
with his scythe. A thing that can
breathe through brick wall three
feet thick is bound to live aud COM
mand the admiration and fear of the
world. Ii is too strong for even Slug
ger Sullivan to encounter, and were
he TO do 80 his career would suddenly
terminate.
Previous 10 The cheese researches Of
the Consul General in Switzerland,
our Minister to Japan, the corpulent
Hubbard, furnished some very inter.
esting data concerning the manner in
which the japanese girls takes a sea
bath. Minister Hubbard did not
gather his Information from hearsay,
but dressed himself in Il pair of sandals
and Mikado costume aud going
down to the beach while the girls
were bathing seated himself on a
chunk and took notes; therefore the
people Of this country can rest assured
that the poetic description Of the
whole affair, which he forwarded TO
Secretary Bayard, is correct in every
particular.
Following in the footsteps of Min
lister Hubbard and our Swiss cheese
diplomat, Consul Grililn, at Sydney,
Australia, has sent the government 4
piece of information to the effect that
Britain have the custom of combining
their girls in wooden cages from the
time they are two years Old, until
they are ready to marry. Tho girls
arc taken cut once Il day and washed
and despite tho fact thai this is the
sole variation of the general mono
tony Of their existence, the imprison-
ment does not interfere with their
health, and when they emerge from
the cage they make very obedient
wives. 1t is we'll for our Government
to know this, and possibly in the dim
and distant future This country may
adopt the New Britain eustom OF
training girls for matrimonial duties,
and then again we can improve on
the custom so as to make it cut 10
two directions. For instance, if Il
wife wants too many hats and raises
row because she does not get them,
she can be placed in wooden cage
in the backyard and taken out once
day and washed until she comes TO
her senses and is willing TO settle
down into n blue gingham dress aud a
state OF contentment and quie:ude.
Our diplomats abroad arc certainly
doing good work, and the people and
press should encourage them to-drive
right ahead and never mind the cxa
nense.
..ss-svsuszs<.--s--s-s,~~--r
The prohibition law went into effect
ut Atlanta Georgia, Thursday morn