Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1886-01-28
The Lime-Kiln Club.
From the petroit Free Press.

From the Detroit Free Press.
Am Kurnel Paradox johnson Ii
de hall dis eavenin?" blandy inquired
Brother Gardner, as the regular week
ly meeting opened on the forty.seventh
degree in due and regular ehape.
The 'tkurnel' arose. He was there.
Some time ago he invented the theory
TINT Canada thistles could be cult.
waited to bear mustard plasters, and
his ecuntenance now betrayed the
fact that he expected to be patted ON
the back and ordered to take the
stool of honor unker tie Bear Traps.
"kurnel Johnson will please step
this way" continued the President,
and the kurnel advanced to the front,
bestowing a look OF three-ply con.
tempt on the Hon. Erastus Furiorg
as he passed him.
"Brodder Johnson" said the Presi.
dent, as the victim stood before him
with folded arms, II want to spoke
to you in de plainest English language.
larn dat you hev invented a tGe.
ory?"
at has been a long time working up
to a climax, hasn't it,"
Bout agar sab"
81 thought so. 1t was bout a var
ago dat noticed you quit work an
began TO sot around on dc curbstone.
You didn't cotch on to dis theory
without a hard struggle, did your"
NO, sab. 1t just almoas' upset my
mind"
81 thought SC, | remember when
you gin up de curbstone fur saloon So
ciety. Later on you began to play
crabs an policy. Towards de last
agony OF your struggle you began to
shake dice an buy lottery tickets on
de money your wife ARMED at the
wash-tub. Inventin' a theory am
powerful hard work, Brudder John
SON."
"Ies sab"
at am so hard dat your wife an
chil'en am now begin fur bread an'ole
clothes, while you am in debt to
everybody who'd trust you and your
landlord am gwine to frow you out
O. de house"
IL is sorry, sab, but / couldn't
help it,"
Brudder johnson" said the Presi.
dent, in q voice which made Elder
Toots shiver like a faded burdock in a
winters gale, 81 want to say to you,
an to all other members of dis club
freu you,dat no culled mani America
has any bizness wild a t~heory-an or
iginal theory. If white folks has rot
time 'nuff an money huff to LOAF
around an d~iskiver-in der own
minds-dat de moon am full O. jack
asses which gallop up an down, or
dat de Norf Star contains a rae o
people who walk on DER heads an
iced themselves wild DER toes dat's all
right. De problem wild de culled man
am fust, bread an butter; second,
house rent an raiment; third, SIGH ed,
dicashun as will enable him an his'n
to write an receive letters, keep post
ed on current events, fgger up how
much a weeks wages comes to at 81
q day, realize dat de Atlantic am on
one side of us an de Pacific de odder,
hev de sense to go to de polls an vote
fur honest, decent candidates, no mat
ter on what ticket der names appear.
| shan't fneyou, an | doan' want to
expel you, but you will retire to de
ante-room with Giveadam Jones fur
de space OF ten minutes. Ii you hold
to any pertickler theory ar;er he gets
freu Wild you it will besunthin you am
perfectly welcometol'
When the "kurnel" returned to the
hall after the proceedings he was a
changed man. One coat tail was Ell.
tirely missing, the other badly batter
ed, and his general appearance was
that OF a mar who had met the tail.
end of a cyclone in q country where
there was nothing to hangto.