News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-08-12
MY FRIEND, THE MAJOR.
A MAN WHOM EVERYBODY LIKES.
''To Make Himself Felt, was the Sch emo
OF His Lite.

Do you know my friend, the Maori
He is a rare bird. He is au optimist
on principle, and liar because he can't
help it. To know the Major is liberal
education, at least so far as the fine art
of prevarlcation is concerned. The Ma
jor first attracted my attention during
the war. He was exempted from ser
vice on account of some slight disabil-
ity, but as soon as hostlities opened he
announced his intention of joining the
army. He made no secret of his deter
mlnation even to strangers. Whenever
he saw crowd of able bodied young
men he would introduce himself, CON
graduate them upon their manifest abll-
ity to serve their country in the held,
and wind up with the statement that,
although cripple himself, he did not
propose to be cheated out of his share
of the glory, and was then making his
arrangements to go to the front.
The effect of this kind of talk can be
imagined. In those days everybody
was patriotic or nothing. Many timid
man was made so asha ed of himself
by the Majors devotion to the Confed
eracy that he precipitately volunteered
and marched off with musket on his
shoulder. All through sixty-one and
sixty two this gallant patriot gave him
self up to his work. Finally it began
to dawn upon us that he was losing a
good deal of time, and missing all the
fighting right straight along. Some
thing of the sort was limited to him,
but he promptly silenced all criticism.
a aH Iala cd h1yc
he said. First, he had intended to Join
Col. Blanks regiHTHasst-SSss the Colonel
was killed, and that caused him to
change his plans. He had found it diff
fcult to decide between the infantry,
cavalary, and artillery branches of the
service. He had also thought of the
navy, and at that very time was waiting
to hear from a certain admiral, who was
an old friend.
After hearing these voluble explana-
tions, men would wink significantly a.
each other, but they kept their suspi
cions to themselves. 1t was Useless to
make war on the Major. He was hand
in glove with the authorities, and the
women were all on his side. The sacri-
fee which he proposed to make in going
into the army in spite of his exemption
stirred the feminine heart, and so much
was said about it that scores of men less
fit for duty than the Major found them
selves unable to stand the pressure.
They rushed off to the army, but the
Major still fingered at home.
During the siege of Atlanta my old
friend made himself very useful, and l
think hurried up matters not little.
He attached himself to a flag of truce
party one day, and although present as
citizen, ne wore an officers coat. He
strolled about, got left by his party, and
was picked up by the Federals as spy.
He was so defiant, so voluble and SO
bright thas he was carried before Gen.
Sherman. In the presence of this ter
rible commander the Major did not abate
one jot of his natural dignity. He ex-
planned his position satisfactorily, and
in response to the questions put to him
said that Atlanta was defended by 60, 900
men; that Gen. Wood had 200 big
guns, unlimited ammunition, and all
the supplies he needed. The garrison,
he said, would be reinforced by 40, 900
militia from the South Atlantic States
inside of ten days To make him stop his
everlasting jaw, Sherman ordered him
to be escorted to the Confederate lines.
AS soon as the Major got back to the
city, he was interviewed by everybody
from Gen. Hood down to the newsboys.
To all these searchers after truth the
Major was gracious and communicative.
He said that Shernan>s force, at mod
crate estimate, amounted to lao, 900
men, and so, 900 more were on the way.
He had seen 800 heavy siege guns
placed in position and had learned that
it was the programme to open fire on
the city with all of them in forty eight
hours. He had also seen brass band
with instrument costing $4,000 This
band had just arrived from Washington
and had been sent for to furnish the
music when Sherman made his grand
entry into the c. y.
Looking back to those days, can
easily see that the Majors fearful yarns
must have driven both Sherman and
Hood nearly crazy. Both generals made
some very eccentric movements soon
afterwards, and my old friend was
doubtless responsible for the whole
business. After losing sight of this
amiable parsonage for nearly score of
years, | found him some time ago COM
fortably established in a small town,
not hundred miles from here. Time
had dealt gently with him. He was
rotund and rosy, and his face wore
perpetual smile accepted an invita-
ton to ride with him into the country,
and on our trip l learned still more
about the man. We passed farm
nearly all hillside, but with a narrow
strip of bottom land. The corn on the
hillside was stunted and worthless, but
in the bottom it is very fine Stopping
suddenly in the road, the jor hailed the
farmer, blue, hopeless looking man.
"Say, JONES'" he shouted, that's
mighty fine corn in the bottom"
Eyes, it's tolerable, was the despond-
ing reply.
"Tolerable amt no name for it, said
my companion. There amt no finer
corn in the country. always did tell
those town fellows that what you didn't
know about farming wasn't worth
knowing"
The gloomy Jones smiled with evil
dent pleasure.
'Its my opinion" continued the
Major thoughtfully, ''that you will soon
have the best paying farm of its size in
the country. Just Ike p up the lick,
you know
And, with CHEEKY smile and wave
of the hand, he drove off.
Turning to me, he said:
''Now, [ talk that way on principle
Why call Jones' attention to his hillside
corn Poor fellow! he looks at that
too much anyhow. made him look on
the bright side of things, and whooped
him up. That's the way to do it."
Throuhout our ride this rosy, smiling
old man stopped every man, woman
and child, and gave them just such a
racket as he had given Jones, suiting
his talk to the varying circumstances of |
each case.
On our return to town l could not
help noticing that the Majors encour-
aging words had already produced an
effect. AT many of the farm houses the |
women folks had been told by their !
husbands of what had occurred. They
looked upon us smiling from their
doorways, and at several places little |
children were sent to waylay us with
fruit and buckets of cold spring water.
Even at the cottage of the respondent
Jones we saw that gloomy individual
laughing in high : lee and chucklng his
wife under the chin.
Zones will come out all right" said |
the Ma iOr with q grin I.;F -ot +I,;, war