The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-06-14
Every Morning Except Sundays.
Payable Invariably in Adpance
WILD JOHNS HoNgYcUTT.
How He BIufed the Constable by Quoting
Fictitious Law.


Fictitious Law.
[Selma (AIa.) Times.1
A few years ago there came to Randolph
two Canadian Indians, a father and
daughter, who fought the battle for bread
by making beaded baskets, pin-cushions,
etc. They remained about town day or
two undisturbed, but finally the magis-
trate, who considered his position a very
exalted one, concluded that the strangers
should pay license and in a small way
fatten the exchequer of Randolph. He ac-
cordingly approached the bead vendors
and demanded license of the old Indian,
whose only response was to draw from his
coat-pocket passport from his own Gov
eminent. At this the old magistrate grew
wrathy, called his Constable, Familiarity
known from his gigantic frame and super
abundance of flesh as "Big Joe'' Latham,
and ordered him to arrest both Indians,
father and daughter.
The order was obeyed promptly, but just
at this point of the proceedings Johns
Honeycutt appeared on the scene, and the
following conversation ensued:
LOCKER here, Big Joe Latham, what's
yer goin' to do with these Injuns?"
81 have arrested 'em, sir, because they
hajnt paid no license for manufacturing
beads, and unless they rake up the spoons
they will have ter go to jail, and they
wiIl.'
"Big Joe" held the Indians passport,
which Johns demanded, aud after glanc
ing at it, he replied:
"'Big Joe,' you're durn big fool ;;these
is citizens of the English republic, and the
fust thing you know, durn your fool skin,
Queen Victory will send her Sheriff out
here, take you over the water and hang
you until you're deader nor a herring.
Now you just hands off; I'll take charge
of the critters, and if you mean to keep a
whole hide, don't yer touch 'em."
The big officer knew his man and yielded
with little exhibition of reluctance. Johns
led the ''Injuns'' to the little hotel kept by
his mother, left them safe within, and then
took double barreled gun and seated him
self in front of the door. Johns loved corn
Juice, and when well soaked held the rib
bons over the town, so to speak; but finally
"Big Joe" mustered courage and APP
preached him.
ssJohns Honeycutt," said the big con-
stable, ''rse officer NV the law, and de-
mand them prisoners, an eff yer don't give
them up I'n git er bill indictment
ergainst yer, and then Wen see whose'er
bossin' this town"
"Big Joe Latham you are the durndest
biggest fool in twenty States. just wait er
little and let me read you the law" Johns
looked around and found old weather
worn code of Alabama, opened the lids and
quoted aloud from his own fertile imagi-
nation:
"Be it ordained that henceforth, now and
forever, every citizen of the English re-
public who may or shall come to this coun-
try must be allowed to make bead baskets,
etc, and any officer or anybody else who
pesters them shall be convicted and sent to
the Penitentiary fOrevermOre."
As HBig Joe" couldn't read and was not
thoroughly posted in statutory law, he did
not discover the fraud, but quietly re-
marked: st looks leetle strange" and
surrendered the fort.
Johns stood guard at the door of the hote
until freight train rolled up and stopped
aft the depot. Then he hurried the "Injuns'
TO the train, opened an empty box-car
forced his prisoners to get in, and theI
closed the doors The train rumbled away
and the bead-venders have never been seer
from that day TO this. But everybody
around Randolph and for miles along th'
railroad remembers how Johns Honeycut
played a bluff game on big Joe" Latham
by quoting fictitious law and telling hin
what Queen ''VictOry" would do. John
rescued the Indians, his bread came Daci
from the waters, his friends have rescued
him, and to-day he is as free as the wlldes
redskin in the "Great West"