Daily Republican., 1886-08-11

When woman gets to be little |
sulky, her wagon tongue becomes 81
lent.
Novel in three chapters.-Chapter
L.: Maid one. Chapter H.: Maid |
won. Chapter I'LL: Made one.
"If de wedder grows much worse
and de work harder all de time, dis
niger have call to preach"
A baby is link which binds its
mother TO Heaven and causes its father
to chase all over after the paregoric
bottle.
Plaintive.-Upon a modest grave-
stone in cemetery appears the plain
tive legend: His neighbor played the
cornet."
A woman never makes much of
success in getting anything on her
feet anyway unless she can sit down
GU the floor.
"The good die young" but the
wicked grow old. 1t is therefore ap-
parent why women prefer to be good
rather than wicked.
Somewhere the stars are shining"
sings Lila Cushman. Yes, Lila, and
somewhere they are walking back
home over the railroad track.
He: "There were several delight
full bars in that new opera last even
ing" She: Ibid you notice them dur
ing or between the actsY"
Said a conscientious auctioDeer:-
Ladies and gentlemen, these are gen.
uine tapestry carpets. got them
from old Mr.. Tapestry himself"
Charming little pink-tipped, shell
like ears, you have, Miss Trotty. Did
tyou never have them pierced ?" mo,
but have had them bored"
J An Irishman, mourning his wife,
lteartully exclaimed: "Faith and she
was a good woman; she always hit me
with the soft end o. the mop"
There is said to be sort of sympathy
between extremes. To illustrate
many homely mans head has been
turned by pretty woman's foot.
il College professor: "What was the
principal requirement among the an
:, Gent Romans for funeral with pub
/ lie honors ?" Student: "a corpse -
; A man breathes twenty times min
ute except when he is about to put tn,
} important question TO his best girl
Then he breath twenty times sec
ond.
/ 1t is mistake to suppose tina
women have stronger attachment
than men. A man is often attached I,
an old hat but who ever heard of
1 woman being attached to an old bon
metz
Countryman Ito fat circus woman
"Gosh ma'am, but you amt half u
fat as your picture" Fat woman
mo, sir; l have grown somewhat les
stout since that photograph wa
painted"
III A photographer in Gloucester has
been astonished by a young woman
who came to ask meekly, and limo
Gently: "How long does it take to ge
a photograph after you have your
measure ?"
care you pretty well acquainted
with your mother-tongue, my boy q
asked the school-teacher of the new
scholar. Eyes, SIR" answered tht
/ lad, timidly. Ma jaws me goo'
a deal, sir"
eyes, my friends, had a wonder
q full escape. Thirteen of my comrade
2 found watery grave through the cap
' sizing of a boat "And how is it yol
were not drowned with the rest?'
"Simple enough-I stayed at home"
n Lawyer: "You say the four prison
. hrnlrn infn and otto
!. taking positions in the corner, eacl
: pointed pistol straight at your heart
Now, while this was taking place
where were your" Plaintiff: "Oh,
was simply nowhere"
a He had asked her: "Say, Mr.. Cog
: gleseope, what do you come to gu
house so often for?" Nov, Tommy
It you must ask your sister Clara tha
C when she comes into the parlor-jus
4 TASK her" "Well, | did, and she sal
d she'd be blessed if she knew"
II A rustic youngster, being asked OIL
IS to tea with friend, was admonishe
y to praise the eatables. Presently til
a butter was passed to him, when h
remarked: VERY nice butter-whs
there is of it," and, observing a smil'
y, he added, "and plenty of it-such as
y is"
"How old are your" asked a justie
- of the peace OF Jim Webster, who wa
under arrest for stealing chickens.
dunno," said the darkey. "When wei
VI you born?" "What am de use of m
l. tellin' you bout my buffday? Yo
. amt gwine ter make me no buffda
present.
IT $50 you have had quarrel at ii
Q club about Miss Rouge, the pretty ba
let dancer?" "Y-a-a-s." "Capit
:, tLingl Understand you made hit
" "Naw," responded the chivalric chan
ye pion, as he carefully reaIranged IL
q blind over his eyes. NAV. The otht
, fellow made the hit"
o. Mrs. Fresh: Wont you please fa
vor us with a song, Miss Porteri
Miss Porter: "Really, Mrs. Fresh,
~ am in very bal voice tonight, and
RS fear l cannot give satisfaction" "Ol
never mind that! Everybody is du
= Tonight; and have noticed that sim
d ing will always start conversation. n
II one will listen to you at all. "
Horse and buggy stolen.