The true northerner., 1886-09-30
ITEMS OF HUMOR.
lFrcm the American Commercial Traveller. !
THE REASON WHY.

THE REASON WHY.
Little Johnny (placing a bent pin on
the rocking-chair)- r)-"What's q bucket
shop"
Merritt (anxious to get him out of
the room)-"lt's place where they
speculate in securities.
Little Johnny (unsatisfed)-"But
why do they call it bucket-shop?"
Merritt docking proudly toward
Cora)-"I suppose it's because they
deal in watered stock"
THINKING OF HIMSELF.
Mrs. Brown (reading an old paper)-
"Ben Butler can't be such bad man,
after all. 1 see he says he always
loves the under dog in fight.
Brown (radiantly)-"Of course he
does, my dear. He is such vain man
that he never lets an opportunity pass
of letting the world know that he loves
himself"
BROUGHT IT ALL ON HIMSELF.
Broker (hoarsely)-"I cashed draft
for fellow at the club last night. 1t
turned out to be N. c., and I've been
hunting all over the city for him to-day.
I've caught frighttul cold through it. 4"
Friend (solicitously) wonder,
when you have such bad draft in your
pocket"
THE MoDUs oPERANDI.
Young Blood talking for effect)-
whats your opinion of the present
state of society in New York ?"
Old Rounder OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
not what it used to be. In these days
the ladies paint their faces so much
that IL a man wishes to retain any re-
spect for a society woman he must first
convince himself that he is color blind"
WHENCE THE OPPOSITION.
Wife (reading the paper)-I see
the people of New Jersey are endeavor-
ing to have bill passed providing for
the recoinage of the half-cent. That's
just like their meanness. But the funny
thing is that the clergy of all denomin-
ations are up in arms against the
petition.
Husband (who is an agnostic)-
Don't you see, my dear, they are
afraid that if the bill passed the people
would use the new coin as Sunday
backsheesh in the churches?
ABAD SLIP.
Broker (stopping in the street,
What did you think of Talmage on the
Marriage Ring?
Friend (carelessly)-Oh, he was as
consistent as the average minister
After quoting from the Bible that hell
was made of birthstone he had the as
surance to say that matches were made
in heaven.
NOT TO BE FOOLED.
Mrs. Bugwash docking around)-
"Have you got any good apples?"
Grocer (briskly ly)--"Certainly. Here
are some fine hand-picked ones"
Mrs. Bugwash turning up her nose)-
"Yes, all the good ones picked out"
HE UNDERSTOOD THE SEX.
Miss Moulton-"Excuse me, Mr..
Sharp, but it does seem so strange
that you only come to see me in the
morning. All my gentleman friends
visit me in the evening""
Old Sharp" Hem, yes. But you
know, my dear Miss Matte, / really
must find another wife. The late Mrs.
1 married her, and really 1 can't be
CduSuI JWlCe III JHe same way.
DEBT or LOVE.
Broker Shaking friend by the hand
What can do for you to-day?
Friend (anxiously)- you let me
have five thousand for a few weeks?
Broker (taking out his check book
Certainly.
Friend (relieved) - This pulls me
right out of the hole.
Broker digging him in the ribs)-
Been bucking the tiger again, Ell?
Another little debt of honor, L sup
pose?
Friend (sadly)-No, it's debt of
love this time. That girl used to call
on has just recovered damages in q
breach of promise suit
KNEW WHAT THE BOYS WANTED.
Mamie Coming home from the rink
/ never saw you skate so awfully bad
in all my life. Whatever made you fall
so often, my dear?
Gussie with a merry twinkle in her
eye)-Why, didn't you see 1 had my
new silk stockings on?
Water-SpOuts.