Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-06-14
When a man falls down his temper
Uaparallv oats nm bafora ha 6oaS

generally gets up before he does.
In answer to the question: ''Is life
worth living?" we reply that it all de-
pends on the liver.
Since the cyclone season opened in the
West, women's hats are reported to be
higher in that part of the country.
"What is Tennyson's charger"
"About hundred dollars line."
"Oh, thought it was about six hundred" !"
A politician named Redheffer has been
defeated for office in Kansas City. One
heifer that won't feed at the public crib
anyway.
They are crying for the revival of Amer
lean shipping, but they evidently forget
/ how large the interest is in schooners at
the beer saloons.
The average citizen is now looking for
his last years straw hat. And when he
finds it he will go Immediately and buy
HIM a new one.
A prOverb has it that interest blinds
some people. 1t never blinds the man
who holds the note upon which the inter-
est runs, we believe.
A young lady, on being asked what
calling she wished her sweetheart to fol-
low, unblushingly replied that she wished
! him to be husbandman.
You might as we'll try to squelch an
Irishman's love of country as undertake
to convince young mother that her baby
is not "forward for its age"
In Virginia City, New, store is kept
by two good-looking young women. On
the front door is sign which bears the
significant words: "No offers refused"
''There are two things which posi-
lively will not eat for supper" said Cub
bins. "And what are they?" asked his
friend. breakfast and dinner" was tn,
reply.
Some old maids have been giving thei
views on the proper time to marry Judg
ing from their ages we should say the,
ought to set it after their second child
hood.
cit doesn't take me long to make III
my mind, can tell you," said a conceite'
fop. "It's always so where the stock o
material is SMALL" quietly remarked
young lady.
care you pretty well acquainted wit
your mother tongue, my boy?" asked th'
school teacher of the new scholar. eyes
sir" answered the lad, timidly, "ma jaw
me good deal, SIR"
1t is reported that a hortlculturist ha
succeeded in growing variety of rasr
; berry which contains less than 9SS $3.50
100000 seeds to each berry, but we fea
the rumor is Too good to be true.
"You have been arrested for stealth
from bakers wagon. What have yo
to say in your defence?" ssNothing. sol
except that the doctor told me 1 must ca
stale bread for me dyspepsy."
The railroad companies want to lay thei
tracks with hardened sleepers. A Ne,
Haven minister says that his congrega
tion has material enough to set up
whole parallel road.
''This is very healthy place. observ
ed boarding-mistress. "Yes,-for chick
ems" said boarder, II have been her
two years and havn't seen dead on
yet" She took the hint.
Twenty-one freshmen were suspende
from an English college because pro
fessor couldn't find out who placed ter
ounce tack in his chair. He, howev el
knew all about who sat down on it.
An Englishman in Madras has, by
lucky accident, made photograph Of
tiger in the act of seizing his prey.
was only partial success, however, g
he didn't have time to tell the beast I
''look pleasant
A negro, about dying, was told by h
minister that he must forgive certai
darkey against whom he entertained bi
ter feelings. eyes, sah," he replied, g
dies l forgib dat niggah; but if get
well dat niggah must take care!'
"Was Early Man Savage?" asks
magazine writer. That depends. If tt
early man was dressing to catch the
m. train, and his collar-button fell benin
the bureau, the probabilities are that i
was about as savage as they make 'em.
GOOD RESULTS IN EVERY CASE.
ID. A. Bradford, wholesale paper dealer of Oh;
tanooga, Tenn, writes, that he was seriously aff
ed with severe cold that settled ON his lungs: HI
tried many remedies without benefit. Being indr
ed to try Dr. Kings New Discovery for Consum
ton, did so and was entirely cured by use of fl
bottles. Since which time he has used it in /
family for all coughs and colds with best result
This is the experience of thousands whose liy
have been saved by this Wonderful Discovery.
Trial Bottles free at H. C. Pierca's Drug Store