Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1886-01-14
THE FLOWING BOWL.
4 HackmaD's HomiIy on How
whisky Affects Different Men.

Cincinnati sun
'Did you ever notice now different
men act when they have taken few
nips too muchl" said Sloppy, the
hackmap, to The Sun, as the jehu
leaned against the iron railing OF the
old postoffce. well, if you haven't
You oaghter watch 'em sometime. In
my business I've seen all sorts of fell
lers, and I have lots o fun or trouble
wild EN-, as the case may be. a
drunken man isn't generally very
pleasant spectacle to q sober one, but
it's mighty strange what an lnhoo-
ence the old suff viii have on EN-.
Now, l amt say in nothin' about beer
that don't count; but I'm referrin'
to plain, every day whisky--KentucBy
stuff o 1879 or 80 II answer. In my
philosophy there's five kinds OF Ticker
--rear-hack, side-slant, zigzsg, talkin',
mute, aud sleepin'. Mind you, these
are the species that I've learned from
the way in which the boys act after
they've been loadin' up. II you'll
only think a minute you've seen all
five of these kinds Of tam'rsck medi-
cine workin'. There's the rear-back
chap. He throws himself back as if
he were bigger man than a police
commissions. Everybody knows he's
drunk, and he knows it himself, but
he tries to walk straight to make
people believe he's all right. He's
one of the funny coves, and if
he can get you up in a cor
ner he'll talk you to death. Some
times he's an awful bad man, and II
you amt careful out'u come a pop.
| alters steers clear of this kind unless
I've got 'em in my hack. When nay
jobs over, and they say 81 when they
promised So, / generally give in and
take the dust without q word. These
side-slant boozers area sorry lot They
look like they had spinal meginis, or
whatever you call it. They most alters
belong to the bamel-house gang, and
their poor hides are soaked with rot
gut. 1t sin't long before they
drop in the gutter. tell you, CHRIST
mas is the time to study human natpr'
when it's little off in the masculine
gender. They amt mean OF nothing
of that sort. Would share their last
nickel wild friend, ! never cry, but
somehow or other the briny will come
into my eyes when | hear that one of
these poor devils has croaked. There
amt so tremendous much difference
between the slantin' and the zigzag
usher. The zigzagger can't stand
much. About forty-one drops sends
him off, and he has terrible hard
time navigatin'. Good hearted they
are, too, as ever lived fond of a good
story or pretty song. Music seems
to be in their very souls. These kind
The country can least afford TO spare.
They have big brains and hearts of
steel, if it wasn't for the Ticker, which
scriptur' says gives its color in the cup.
OF all the detestaole, meanest critters
on earth, the cryin' drunken man is
the worst. He lays all over Teller and
slobbers, waeps and tells his troubles,
and wished he was dead. Lord knows
| wish he was when he comes round
me. He comes under the talkin' class
and amt got no friends because every
body wants to git out of his way
when he's drunk. He's such pesky
nuisance. / was sittiD' in a saloon
not fifteen minutes ago and Jimson
here, who's called by that name as he
grew up so slim and so much like a
weed, when one of them with a love
of old rye came in. He oriy said
Gimme drink, and laid down his
money. He looked like he was yearn-
in for a scrap, and glared around the
shop as much as If he was sayin' I:
What ia hi are you dom here2'
He drank the stuff, didn't ask anyone
up. and went out. / never heard o.
one O. that kidney ever getan' drunk.
He's too mean. Speakin about the
sleepin' druuks, think they are the
best O the whole lot. I've seen them
curl up on a chair or table and snore
away for four or five hours and not
bother nobody. The barkeepers seem
to be dead raw against them, thong b +;
say they don't spend no money and
take up too much room. We hack
men are pretty tough, but we under
stand human nature better'n anybody,
except you reporters. If you're goin'
to print what say let me give you
one more pointer. The most disgust
ing thing on earth is drunken
woman. A man overloaded amt a
breathin' spell to female on the var
path dosed with whisky. She's too
orney TO talk about. Want hack,
sir9 One dollar to the depot. Good
night, my boy"