Morning journal and courier., 1886-12-13
ROw.LEGGED.

There is a man in Burlington SO bow legged that when the children are playing cars they use him for tunnel.-Free Press.
 The saying that "You can't reason with q woman" is a vile slander. You can reason with her, only it isn't of any use.-Philadel- phia Call
 A Michigan woman who kicked . bear to death recently explained her extreme action by saying she thought it was her husband Washington Critic.
 Dangerous character-"Your money or your life" Author-"Here it is Bound in calf-one dollar and half Written by my self. ."-Texas Siftings.
 'What do you get your pension for, Den nisW Well, now, not to deceive you, me old friend, I've forgotten, but think it was for sunstreke. ."-New York Journal.
 '1 have found out what it WAS the wild waves were saying" observed the snake editor. What was ita' asked the horse ed- itor. "Let us spray. ."-Pittsburg Chroni- ele.
 "Simpkins is a soft fellow" remarked Miss Brown, 'but he must have big heart He told me that Chicago girl tried to trampls on it, but couldn't do it.'-Nsw York Sun.
 Grocer-''I don't have to crack up that but ter, Uncle 'Rastns, it sells itself" Uncle 'Rastus (testing it)-"Yes, sah, dat butter oughter sell itself, tie up itself, d'liyer, an still have strength huff 1ef' ter diges' itself wot yo' eha'gin' fo' axle grease dis mawnin', Mister Scales?'
 s'Here, James, where are you going with that extra table extension" inquired Jimmy Tuffboy's mother earnestly. s'Goin' with it?' replied Jimmy. ''Why, thatI make the boss board for my double ripper. You don't want it till next Thanksgivin', do youT'- Hartford Post.
 Col Kaintuck-ssWell, it does beat all I can't see what Belgium people want to en- igrate to this country for" Omaha man ''To obtain more comfort, of course" "Com- fortl Great Watterson! Why, the papers say that in Belgium there is one saloon to every ten families "-Omaha World.
 'sSaid little school girl to her teacher: Mamma gives me two cents every day for taking 8 dose of thorooghwort tea without making any fuss about it." 'tIndeedl And what do you do with so much moneyt' sfOh, mamma takes care of it for me, and uses it to buy more thoroughwort tea. "- Youths Companion.
 "Oh, dsar," she exclaimed, as she threw herself into chair upon reaching home; ssI am almost tired to death" "What is the matter, love. Where have you been?'' asked the husband. ''I've been shopping all day long" t'Shoppingl and what did you buy s' "Oh, didn't buy anything; I only went to town 70 see the SGyIcS &nu Sob tue pIlCeS. Boston Transcript.
 An unexplained verdict. Lawyer A "Ive gained my case, old boy, and my client escapes the halter" Lawyer B-"How did you do it?' A-"You now ask me hard one. Tho case had been given to the jury and they had been out a couple of hours, when they sent in a communication asking for instructions. It turned out that they on ly wanted to ask very trifing irrelevant question. They wished to know if the sen for counsel fer the defense, meaning me, was employed by the defendant or assigned by the government. They were told that was engaged by the defendant. We'll, they re- turned to their rooms, and in less than three minutes they again came into court with & verdict acquitting my client on the ground of ineanity. I never was so surprised in my fe.'-Bostoa Transcript.