The Portland daily press., 1886-05-04
WIT AND WISDOM.

Two friends meeton the Boulevard. "Have you
been sick ?" asked the first "You don't look well.'
Eyes am not feeling just right The fact lis
have consulted three physicians and they don't
seem to agree upon the cause OF my malady."
well, the first said had consumption, and the
second heart disease"
"And what did the third tell your"
"Oh, he said what the third one always says,
that the other two were asses
BAD DRAINAGE causes much sickness. Bad
blood and improper action of the liver and kid
neys is bad drainage to the human system, which
Burdock Blood Bitters will remedy
A curious case of absent minded-ness is that of
young married man living near Jonesville, n. Y:
who one morning MIXED his cow, set the pail of
milk in the corner OF the taP t ana carried the
sion. The third time he went to the barn to milk
he took basket of roots to the cow he emptled
out the roots and sat down and commenced to
milk the COW in the basket but found out his mis-
take in time to save enough milk for breakfast
coffee.
Those unhappy persons who suffer from ner-
vousness and dyspepsia should use Carriers Little
Nerve Pills, which are made expressly for sleep
less nervous dyspeptic sufferers. Price % cents,
all druggists.
patrick, are you sure you can handle pair of
horses if they are little vicious?"
''Begorra, can, SURF
Glow long were you in your last placer"
-Four years. sur"
..That;speaks well for YOU You don't drink
y aS yG M nat 5aae crop
"Good for you, Patrick. Oh, by the by. where
were you those four years?"
II was in jail, sur"
Scott's Emulsion of Pure Cod Liver
Oil with Hypophosphites. IS Gerry Pdtd-
-daoI np I
Brighton, Ills, says: "Scotts Emulsion is very
palatable, easily assImilated and gives strength
and flesh to the patient"
Tfamp-Well mum, have you got any more o.
them buckwheat cakes to-day?
Mrs. Coldcash-Theres some cold ones, but
am afraid you will find them rather indgestibe.
Tramp-Oh, don't expect to eat 'em.
Mrs. Coldcash-Dont expect to eat them?
Tramp-No'm. You see my darter has took to
painting, and she finds 'em VERY convenient to
use for placques!
Carter's Little Liver Pills will positively cure
sick headache and prevent its return. This is
not talk, but truth. One pill dose. To be had
of all Druggists See advertisement.
''Well, DOCTOR what is the matter with me?"
81 think you are threatened with mild attack
of-er-something in the nature of pleuro-pneu-
monia."
.Oh, dear-I hope, doctor, do hope it's some
thine-fashionable."
"We are selling the Athlophoros and have sold
good deal of it. use the article in my family
occasionally, is required" reports A. S. Black
man, a New Haven, Connecticut, druggist, regard
ing his dealings in Athlophoros.
Guy.-"Fred, saw you at the Academy with
strange girl last night. Who was it?'
Fred--"That was my spring and summer girl.
I've shaken fall and winter love-
Guy-"I'm afraid / don't fully envelope your
drift"
Fred-Nothing easier to explain. My winter
girl likes ice cream and hates oysters, and my
summer girl despises ice cream and adores The
bivaves BY this plan save enough each year
to buy my clothes in Lunnon."
Vegetine is specific for all diseases of the
blood which appear in spring.
Mrs b. is one those energetic, quick-motioned
women who carry their work by assault. One day
she had started across the room on some errand,
but midway forgot what it was.
what was going for?' she asked aloud.
Two-year-od, seated on the floor, and always
liable to be sweptup in one of her mothers hurr-
cane passages, asked meekly:
"Was-oo-goin -for-me?"