The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-03-24
A WILD WESTERN JUDGE.
How the Old Man Conducted "a Marriage
Ceremony.


One of the eccentric characters of the
town of Lone Tree, in the beautiful valley
of the Platte, at the time of the building of
the Union Pacific Railway was Jimmy
Crane, time-beaten frontiersman, unedu-
Gated, unpublished and, as travelling mis-
sionary once said, ungodly. His life had
been spent west of the auburn waters of
the Missouri, and he knew as little of the
ways of civilization as an Apache Indian
knows of the modern plan of salvation. He
was dead shot with u rifle, an ardent
lover of whiskey and an expert at draw
poker, but aside from these lie had no re.
hgious accomplishments worth speaking of.
Bill Bennett, the Justice of the Peace in
and for that precinct, had n misunderstand-
ing one night with Jerry Manson over the
very important point of who played low in
game OF seven-up, and after the funeral
it became necessary to elect man to sue
coed him. With that spirit of recklessness
which characterizes the frontiersrnan, aud
as rich joke, the boys nominated Jimmy
and, to carry out the joke, elected him.
The high honor so Unexpectedly thrust
upon the old man broke him all up, but he
Mt once rose to the dignity of the position
and began TO comb his hair daily. There
were vague rumors fitting about the settle
ment that he had taken TO wearing socks.
These sanderous rumors, however, he in
dignantly denied, and even went so far as
to make threats of heavy fines for contempt
Of court if they were persisted in. His
knowledge of law and Of the duties of his
position was limited-in fact, he didn't
know the difference between writ of re-
pleyin and an act of Congress, and couldn't
distinguish peace warrant from the
ten commandments, but he assumed the
responsibility fearlessly, and smiled be-
nignly when the boys addressed him as
Judge" He determined to do cash
business from the start, and with the aid OF
marking brush and pine board the
space above his cabin door bore the nscrip-
ton; No Credit Fur Law
few days after his installation into Of
flee young couple appeared before him to
get married. Jimmy was in n quandary.
He Ind never seen the marriage ceremony
performed, and, telling the candidates to
be seated, he jumped ON horse and gal
loped to ranch half-mile distant TO coz.
suit the only law book in the whole coun.
ty, small book entitled Every Man His
Own Lawyer" He searched its pages close
ly, but could find nothing bearing upon
the subject, and in despair he galloped back
to Clnncy's saloon and consulted the boys.
One of them, recent arrival from the
States, explained to the old min how he
should conduct the ceremony He listened
attentively, aud when the tenderfoot con-
rluded his explanation, said
Say, young Teller. you iist hop over
thar an splice 'em an I'll give you 50 fur
the job
. But that wouldn't be legal, Uncle il NJ
my. nm not an officer and have nc IL
thoriiy to perform marriage ceremony"
Hung The authority! You iist bulge
Nheaa an marry sm an this Sayr kofno
ter lielI, They're cursed fools fur goin 10
all this fronble oAgitta' ceremony in this
country, anyhow, an' yon kin marry 'em
good enough for all practicable purposes
Jist hop over ihur' nj cut loose, an I'll
make it u twenty
The young man fatty refused, and jim
my determined to worry through the en-
barrassng affair as he best could. He
started for his office, md tho crowd follow
ed to see the fun. Bidding the couple to
stand before him, he said
Dearly beloved fellow citizens, these
young folks now appear before you to in-
dulge in the holiness of matrimony accord
in to Scriptur' an the laws of this court.
If any of you knows amy cause why they
shouldn't make the play you want to squeal
right ut this stage of the game or corral yer
jaws on the subject furevermore."
No objection was heard, and the Justice
continued
" Hol' up yer right hams"
The couple blushingy oboyed.
" DO you an each OF you solemnly sw'ar
that you will marry each other in the pres
ence o this Court that you will do the
squar' thing by each other that yon will
give everybody else the go-by and cling to
each other through life till death calls upon
you to cash in your earthly checks, an that
you will be to each other husband an wife
accordin' to the law nm the prophets an
the rules an regulations o. this honorable
Court in sich cases made and peryided, so
help ye God ?"
The couple so swore.
Jimmy was sweating profusely over the
exertion, and after scratching his head to
collect his thoughts, continued:
Then I, james Crane, justice o. the
peace, announce you husban' nm wife now
an furevermore, world without end, amen,
an If the style don't suit you you have the
legal right to appeal TO ths Supreme Court
at Omaha any time within sixty days. Now
light out, an me an the boys II go an
drink yer health"
The couple seemed to be perfectly salts
fed, and they walked away hand in hand,
their sun-tanned faces wreathed in smiles