The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1886-04-03
ALLEGED HTMOR.

him DIDN'T you nave a piece fOr
yourself? Eyes, but you told me l
always ought to take my little broth
er's part %
A PENNSYLVANIA nurseryman claims
to be able to grow apples without
cores. This will deprive the generous
hearted schoolboy of a time-honored
opportunity of obliging his fellows
Burlington Free Press.
Mrs. WELLS (about to hire new
ant)-''Now, in rgard to going
out visiting, L" Servant interrupt
ing)-"Och, go out whiniver yes loikes;
you'll not find Bridget Murphy har-
rud, mum, or dictatorial like"
AT the recent sale of Mrs. Morgan's
art collection and bric-a-brac in New
York, collection of snuff bottles sold
for 81, 700. The person who bought
them can now have the satisfaction of
sneezing in 221 different styles.
IT is marked indication of the in
ward cussedness OF mans nature
that heinvariably feels aggrieved when
he buys an accident insurance policy
and then travels five thousand miles
without so much as stone-bruise.
LADY-Are you familiar with the
game of draw poker? Gentleman
Yes, ma'am. Lady-Do you look up
on it as a healthy game? Gentleman
No, it is not healthy game. In
fact, have sat up with it night after
night.-The Sun.
"FUNEY way a man got bill
through council here few years ago"
''How did he do it?" "Why, he bet
- Io ,~,o,,, howe, E0 ouoinst
a new hat that the bill would not
pass" "Did he lose" course. The
odds were TOO large. Cincinnati Sun.
Your regular built Texan in speak
ing OF an encounter or melee nearly al
ways terms it ''rucus." Where they
got the term heaven only knows, but
if "dude' and "bulldoze" can find q
place Iii Webster, "rucus" ought to go
too.-FOrt Worth (Tex.) Gazette.
A STUDENT at the University ofTexas,
whose home is at Brenham, VAS about
to start home to enjoy the Christmas
holidays. A friend remarked: "You
haven't got your watch on. You
ought not 60 home without your time
piece" 'There isn't a pawnbroker IN
the town. What do | want watch
for at Brenham ?"-Texas Siftings.
"SAY, | believe you are from Nfichi-
gan" said McCorkle to Fangle. 81
am" replied Fangle. "Then perhaps
you car tell me whether this item is
not a slander on that state?" "What
is the item?" "Why, that a man in
Michigan pays S13 dog-tax and $3.50
on real estate Certainly, sir, it is
8 vile slander. The dog tax is decided
ly too low, ir."-PittsbUrg Cbreni-
Gle.
Two short-legged, rotund, thick
necked, red-faced men, extensively
dressed, were putting up Third Avenue
| a day or two ago Suddenly one of
them stopped and said: "Mein Gott,
Meester Bockheimer, dot vas some
dings strange" "Vatvas Something's
| strange, Meester Hocksteiner ?" ''Dere
vas no beer saloon on dis plock. We
must fix dot right away" They were
| a brewer and his partner.-T'he Sun.
A BooK-AGENT put in an appearance
at the suburbs of Austin, which is
called the Athens of Texas. The pro-
prietor of the establishment happened
to be busy in the yard, reproving, with
a club, his dog, that had stolen and
eaten the meat. When the man saw
the agent, be paused for a minute in
his labors with the dog, and said,
"Just wait until | get through with
this dog, and then I'll attend you"
NOTICING a sign in the window of a
New York store to the effect that all
| the modern languages were spoken In
side, q noted pugilist went in and
tackled the clerk. "Parley vous Fran
cais?" "What do you say ?"
"Hable listed Espanol." "Oh, go out
| and chase yourself" Sprechen Sic
Deutch?" 'Hey?" "Well, who is
there in here who talks all the modern
languages ?" u."-Texas SHtings.
He Injecting her at the church door
to escort her heme)-"That was a
beautiful hymn the service closed
| with" She-"Yes." He-'Are you
| fond of hymns?" She-"Well, there's
one | may say Pm particularly fond
Of" He-"Indeed? What kind OF
metre is it in?" She-"It is come
an meet-er him" They then linked
arms and strolled away with their
| heads close together.-BOstOn Couri-
| er.
He was an infantry lieutenant, and
she was a senators daughter. "I'mgo-
ing to Old Point Comfort about the
middle of March," she said. "That's
rather a novel time to go, isn't it ?" he
queried, with a ffteen-inch rife gleam
in his warlike eyes. "Oh, | don't
know" she said innocently. "Yes.
but my dear miss, it is quite novel,
don't you know" he persisted.
"Really, Mr.. Cascabel, you must ex'
plain. "Ha, har he roared, ''the
middle OF March-Middle O. March
| Middle March" Isn't that a novel;
Hal hal see? 1t is very seldom that
the Lord creates anything without
purpose Washington Critic.