New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1886-08-29
HOW cIyc1NYATUs RECEIVED THE NEVIS
I,rnm r,rnf SicinnI


When the Roman Senate elected Lucius Quintus
Cincinnatus Consul by "a handsome plurality. nOtwith-
standing the Tammany detection and the fact that
Prohibition candidate was sprung on them at the last
moment they appointed committee to visit the noble
Roman on his farm and announce To BIN his election
They found him engaged in doing his ,spnng
they could command while stumbling across ploughed
land in theiI long togas, he stopped his oxen to
ascertain who they and what they wanted.
Most noble Roman said the chairman OF the
committee in that deep sonorous tone suited to the
occasion, " We are here
$50 ! see" said Lucius Quntus eveng them
suspicously, but | signed contract for some Of
those patent bee hives last summer and found it
note for $500 that had TO pas At the bank. You
can't play the greer game on me twice.
You mistake mission altogether" sad the
chairman, with offended dignity. we are"
Lghtningrod men, perhaps. But don't want
any lightning rods, nuther"
Deign most noble Ciucinnatus, 10 give me your
attention for a few brief moments"
We'll hurry mp. old boss. and make it short. for
I'm busy's a mules tai in fly -me" and he sat down
on his ploush-beam, tanning himself with an old
straw hat.
from a loug roll of Ms that he produced:
That sounds sort o familiar. Nuther lection
comm on reckon You're ROin' 10 sound the tocsin
amt We And mebbe you'll wave the bloody shirt"
The Roman Senate realizing the exigency of the
situation has elected you"
@If there an't them pesky colts in my garden patch
again. cried Cncinnatus, springing 20 his feet.
w h-o-a there Cit out Of that . he yelled, a. he
graspcd his ox-gad and started across the field to
drive them out.
When he returned he perspirng and swearing
ike a Roman trooper. d" Biankety blank them blank
colts" he c-ied they'll jump any fence that was ever
made Saw you tellers. You don't happen TO know
a poke thatll keep colts from jumpin, do YET
The city which Romulus founded" said the
chairman, scarcely needing the interruption,
. in casting about for competent commander
every way adequate TO the emergency that has over
taken us the eyes of the Senate have turned toward
you" 80
Your steadfast championship Of the rights of labor
vour position the silver question, your uncompro-
missing opposition 10 the Chinese your refusal TO avail
Yourself Of the ranking privilege and your scornful
rejection OF railroad pass while member OF your
town council, the cOunenaDce that you gave to the
early closing movement, your defiance OF Canada on
the fishery question, your
Come now, bows, let up"
Your refusal 10 have your prtrait and biography
published in book of Eminent Men, your services
as a volunteer fireman, the ability you displayed as
captain of militia my your having never
written communications TO the papers, shown
Yourself in open hack 10 Decoration Day process
sions your refusal TO allow your Photographs TO be
naced on sale, your sending proof slips OF your
speeches 10 the daily Journals never making a false
return 10 the assessor, or wearing pointedtoed
shoes or parting your hair in the middle, OF crying
chestnut and above all your invariable habit Of
going 10 the polls and voting the old ticket without
scratch have induced the Senate 70 call you 20 the
highest Office III their gilt the Roman ConsulshipP
I.ncinnatus so overcome by this time that ne
oouId only press the speakers hand silently and lead
the way 10 the house. where he tapped fresh barrel
of cider and invited them all TO Join him In DRINK
But be accepted the nomination AL the came.