Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-12-29
HUMOROUS.

"A watch and clock company hav-
ing failed, one of the creditors re-
marked that ''they would have an aw-
full time winding up their business.
-''Why Is small boy like a
womanP' said a New Hartford man to
his troublesome wife. No response.
because he will make man grown"
said the econundrumist.- Hartford Post
= Tydbits tells the story of con-
ductor on slow railroad who told one
passenger that he had been on the
road for nine years Then, said
the passenger, "this must be your sec
ond trip"
Husband (going fishing Good
bye, wifey; won't come until late, un-
less 1 catch something. Wife-If you
dom t come until late, hubby, you will
be sure to catch some thing. you hear
mel Chicago Tribune.
1Fogg-I heard pretty compli-
ment for you the other day. Mrs.
Passay-Indeed! May I ask what it
WASP Fogg-I heard some one say how
pretty you used to be. Mrs. Passay-
Used to be! Do you call that COM
pliment? / call it an obituary notice.
N Y. Herald.
-"Oh, my friends, there are some
spectacles &lat a person never for
gets!' said an orator recently, after
giving a graphic description of a terri,
Bile accident he had witnessed. 'Tdi
like to know whar dey sells 'em," re-
marked an old colored man on the out
skirts of the crowd. lid Bits.
Treated with Scorn.-
There was young lady named Vaughan,
Who treated her lover with scaughan,
And he gave up his suit
When her fathers big butt
Shot him hastily forth on the laugan.
Life.
Law Professionalism constitutes
burglaryp" Student-sT must be
breaking" Professor-''Then if
man enters door and takes five
dollar gold piece from your vest pock-
ct m the hall, would that be burglaryP"
Student ''Yes, sir; because that would
break me. :"
Mr.. Isaacstein-" Ah, sir, you
rentered mine poy good service, sir,
shall nefer forget, sir, nefer" Life
Saver -'.Oh, well, that's nothing" Mr..
Isaacstein-'' Nothing, mine frentP Did
you know my poy had on vun of
mine twventy-ff dollar suitsP"-N
Y. 1f0tL
Edison says that no experiment
which he has tried at night ever failed.
| Now what we want to know is. did
Mr.. Edison ever try at night to find
the matches in his bare feet without
disturbing any of the furniture or stub
bing his big toe against seventeen diff
ferent distractions? = Neao HaUen
NeaUs.
| -Simpkins- ''Why, Tompkins, old
fellow, what is the matter with you?'
| Tompkins-'' -''Ah! breaking up, Pm
| afraid, Simp. Too much brain work.
| Doctor SAYS that | must stop reading
! and writing, and avoid intellectual
conversation, and =" .Simpkins-,
every good advice. Come and spend
your evenings with US. "-Harper's
| Bdz0r.
-'fYou look SO happy that / suppose
| you have been to the dentist and had
that aching tooth pulled" said man
| to friend with swollen jaw. '1t
| isn't that that makes me look happy.
| The tooth aches worse than ever, but /
! don't feel it. ''How is that?' :'Well,
| feel so jolly because L have just been
to the dentist, and he was out. IN. T.
Telegram.
funny, wasn't it, about that Mis-.
souri, bank which went into liquidation
thn other day having fifteen thousand
dollars more assets than liabilities?''
81 prefer to wait for particulars, - re-
piled the other. What particulas p''
81 think the President was either too
honest to speculate or too lame to skip.
The machinery slipped cog some
where. ''-WaE Street Nea0s.
"A Hartford gentleman who is quite
man to carry on in his family and
''run" the other members, was in his
usual mood at the tea table, the other
evening. Il declare, if these aren't
the worst biscuit 1 ever saw. If [
couldn't make better ones. wife, be-
lieve I'd sell out housekeeping alto
gether.' every WE'LL" said the wife,
''any time you think you can do better,
let me know and I'll clear out Up
spoke the enfant terrible of the family.
''Then papa'll have to get step wife,
won't you?' 1t is safe to say there
will be no ''step wife" in that family.
-Harttord Post.
H