Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-03-24
Guying a Tenderfoot.

1t was % degrees below zero yester
day and the wind was in good work
ing order. A tenderfoot was coming
down the street on sort of crippled
dog trot. Just as he reached the cor
ner he was stopped by Ed Sloan, the
rustler and assistant banner winner
Sloan saw the stranger long in advance
of the meeting and decided to make an
impression on him. He dotted his
buffalo coat and cap, threw off his
under coat, and he appeared in his
shirt sleeves, wiping his brow with a
handkerchief. The tenderfoot was
startled. Just as he was about to
pass the sweltering Sloan exclaimed :
Good morning, stranger; you look
sort O. feeble. Not sick 1 hope ?"
"Good morning, sir" falteringly re-
piled the dumbfounded stranger, his
teeth chattering like trip hammer.
"No, sir, ] am not sick. l never en-
joyed better health in my life"
He edged in close to the building
to escape the wind, and looked at
Sloan with a Multiplying glance Of
inquiry, and it was plain to be seen
that he thought he had met lunatic
or crank of the most virulent type.
"But you look cold !" calculated
the honest Sloan, as he rubbed some
more cayenne pepper and kerosene on
his face to give it the appearance OF
heat and perspiration. "Here, take
some of this medicine it will help
you. You've got the darndest case
of chills / ever saw"
The stranger looked wild. The
wind whistled round the corner with
vicious howl, and the stranger rub
bed the end of his nose to keep up
the circulation.
"Well, must say that you are the
most wonderful character l ever met,
said the tenderfoot. "Don't you think
you will freeze out here day like
this in your shirt sleeves %
"Freeze? Freeze" yelled Sloan
"Why, man, l tell you you're sick
Why, this is mild, balmy atmos
phere. This is just the kind of day
to plant your pumpkin seeds. I've
just been out hoeing my Early Ros,
potatoes, and l find that the blasted
bugs have got OIL to the vines. Whew
Let's 60 in and take n lemonade t(
cool off on"
"No, excuse me; | guess I'll &C
back to the hotel" replied the tourist
but Just as he was about to leave
Farmer Wallace approached, putting
and perspiring, carrying his coat Oh
one arm and sheaf of wheat OH the
other.
"Well, Sloan," said he, "little warm
to-day"
"Yes. How are you getting along p
Every well indeed. l left the boys
plowing on the northwest quarter, and
the neighbors' girls have come over to
go plumming on the creek"
BY this time the stranger looked
faint.
"Say, farmer" said Sloan, pointing
at the bewildered stranger, "don't you
think that this gentleman is in pretty
bad shape? l tell you he ought to
see q DOCTOR"
"Why, my friend, what's the matter
with your" asked the farmer in voice
that went echoing in the frost air like
the ghost of brass band. "You look
cold, and kind O blue Come out for
your health, / suppose ?"
AS the stranger was about to speak
Captain Call came upon the scene,
dressed in tidy base ball uniform,
and swinging bat in his hands
"Come on come on? All aboard for
the base ball grounds" shouted the
captain, as he dashed by with a glee.
ful expression in his sparkling eyes
and a ruddy glow on his cheeks
"Will you go out to see the game Of
ball, stranger r?" mildly asked Mr.
Sloan. "You can walk down with
But he was gone. He rushed back
to the hotel, went to his room, thawed
out over steam radiator, and re-
NAMED inside gazing out upon the
first real, rollicking blizzard of the
season until the eastbound train ar.
rived. He paid his bill by the bell.
boy. refusing to speak to any one un'
til he was safely seated in the Pull.
man sleeper. AS the train moved out
he asked the conductor if he would
put on little extra speed, as he want
ed to see his wife and children once
more before he died.-Bismark Tri.
bune.