The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-12-30
PUNoENT PARAGRAPHS.

The man who Expressed his opin.
ion" at ward caucus says he will Send
it by freight train next time.-N. p.
hsdepe pds,sk
When . young college graduate
commences to study law he wants
something grade above common law.
IN Q. Piesyuns.
Italy wants to borrow $500, 600
lires. As this is very busy season with
newspaper oorresp IN Tents we are
afraid this country can't oblige her.
Burlington Free Press.
Tho San Francisco Chronicle re-
marks that it is . great pity that women
ever grow up. We didn't know they
did grow up. We always laid that to
the girls. Courier.
"A correspondent wants q list of the
"'one hundred best books" Well,
there's . well-flled pocketbook to begin
with. BY the way, we have forgotten
: the names Of the other. ninety nine.-
Norrst0Wn Herald
Tho theory that badness is caused
BY heating the hair with gaslight would
have been interesting to Rameses II. OF
Egypt. who was as bald as q pumpkin.
The gaslight at Tan 5000 years ago
WASH Remarkably hot, either. .-Spriwg-
field U,3ow.
--Smithers-"What do you do when
you go home early Ia the morning .
trihe overcome aid your wife meets
''Do! ] don't do any thing. My wife
can attend to all that. l guess you
don't know my wife. do youp'-Chi-
oago Tribune.
-''Mrs. Dearmont, of Chicago, and
Mrs. Waldo, of Boston. are to lunch
with me to-day" ga 4 lady to her
husband. s'but hardly know what to
give them" Il would suggest" re.
piled the husband. "that q delicate
compliment to both ladies would be o
dish of pork and beans ~ y Post.
-"I've been on this road ten years."
said the conductor on o Southern rail-
road TO passenger who complained of
the slow time. IAN l know what I'm
talking about" "Tcn years, ehp"
said the passenger. "What station did
you get On atp"-Harper's Basar.
Ill SEQ that an Ohio postmistress
has resigned her position to get mar
ried," remarked an old Benedict to his
wife. '.Poor thing! pity hertz 'Why
s0P" because, after the honeymoon
II ovor. she'll have to sit up every
night and wait till the male comes In"
o. & AaiL
-Bsgisy-''Say no more, Aurelia. I
forbid the match. Young Spriggs may
be . gentleman. bat he is poor" Au-
relia-"But he 10 one Of the heirs 70 the
great Hogg estate Of sixty-four mill
ions" ..Nothing Of the sort, girl! He
= deoelving thee" "Why. pc, I'm sure
, he told me that he Is one OF the lawyers
engaged 20 defend the wiu.-Philodsl-
pAss 11N
Mrs. Mushby-''I met Mrs. Mother.
well this. afternoon. What tedious
thing she Il! Forever talking about
that baby, you know" Mastha-'sBut
aunt-now don't be GROSS; did II ever
occur to you that Mrs. Motherwell
might think you grain tiresome whom
you get talking about R0vsrr Mrs.
Mushby-'sThat's an entirely different
thing. a dog u so Interesting. you
knoW."-Bsseon Post.
-Rich but penurious iaostess to poor
society friend-'.I notice that square
dinner plates are tho thing now, end
I've ordered ten dozen; but I'm worried
about enc point In serving . dinner
= with them" Friend -.'What are you
in doubt aboutp" Ought I to serve
eound steak on these square plstesP"
ssThat depeads- There may not be
eaeugh - 20 rould. judging from the
dinaer you gave ths other day. "-Dee
- n00cA