St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-01-02

The other day went up garnet to SORT
out stOvepipe for our sitting-room stove.
l was once allowed the benign privilege OF
applying the first person singular when
wished to mention any of my chattelS. /
look back on that period of my life as a
dream rudely disturbed by gushing wiles.
soothimgSyrup bottles Easter bonnets and
sister-in-law. The proverbial mother-in-
law has been my steadfaSt friend through
out all the trying ordeals of my married
life, such as settling for last winters coal
paying the cook who kicked when l drew
the line at canvaSS-backed ducks for her
cousin; the eagle-eyed policemen who
weldS the club and is a frequent visitor of
my little side door. Yes. l can safely say
that my mother-in-law has been my firm
friend. My sisters in-law have impoverished
me quite. Their fellows spark in my front
parlor; they fiatten the chair springs, wear
out the carpet, rub the paint off the door
step, aSd cause my gate to assume the post
ure of chronic debility.
However, that is neither here nor there
though they re mostly here, so to speak. As
l said before, l went up garnet to sort out
stoye-pipe for our sitting-rOom stove. To
the man of average patience, Or stability
and human endurance this might seem to
be one of the pleaSanteSt tasks thrown in
the way of a male victim of domestic ax-
perience. The devil is blacker than he S
painted, and Solomon in all his glory is a
chrome rival to the tiger lily by the bull
frog pond-but the sorting out of sitting
room section of stove pipe surpasseth the
comprehension of mankind, unless you've
been there. The neighbors for miles
around must have stored their stove pipe
in my garnet. | never saw such stipend
Gus congiomeration of Russ and sheet
ironed either with rusty trimmings in all
my life.
Outside the yellow leaf. fast turning to
russell was rafting against the dry limbs
of the naples. The lordly rooster perched
upon the rail fence and cIarioneted his
challenge to the weather vane on the horse
barn. The drowsy bee was asleep, for the
latent sun wasn't so latent as wonst it vast.
The cowboy didn't throw stones at the pud
die frog; the puddle frog has crawled into
his hole and pulled the hole in after him.
In United States honest lnjun, the auSpici
Gus winter is in the near future, and it's
time to erect the five-dollar alton demolisher.
That's why l am up in the garnet sorting
out stovepipe, my dear. l took a survey of
the field and my heart went way down
stairs, skunk into the cellar and tried to hide
among the cobwebcovered bottles. Phys
ically. it would have taken forty-horse
derrick to lift my heart back to its wonted
pedestal of pristine courage. MENTALITY
am strong on the mental even if do wear
a thirty-two-inch chest tape when / get
measured for a vest--I commenced my
vigorous onslaught upon that pile of pipe.
The section l wanted, that is, the first sec
tion was upon the top of the pile, lying up
among the rafters. tried TO reach it. L
could not. l thought / would step upon
the lowest bit of pipe, and. from the ele-
waited position, could readily reach the de-
sired pipe. l did: that is, l stepped upon
the pipe, but l didn't reach far enough to
grasp in a tangible manner the reached-fOr
object Perhaps, if | had had an arm
about fifteen feet long and sufficient cour
age to back it might have grasped the
pipe as lay upon my back at the foot Of
the garnet ladder. Bet heavily on your To-
cal ball club, go in full swipes on star