News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-11-11
A BATCH OF STRAY JOKES
GATHERED IN FROM ALL QUAR-
TIERS FOR ONE TO SMILE OVER.
she Knew All About It-CIubbed Him Ont
How Harmony was RestOred-A hi
cngO Story-A MOcker-A Base Plot
Odds and Ends, ETC.. etc.
A BA E PLOT.

answer. "That's funny" "Well, not
so very. See the other side" He held
it up and the other read:
BROTHER BLANK: There will be meeting ot
the l. o. O. S. b., No. 3S7, at the hall OnSthI
evening of October 10 to transact special Dusi
ness. Members not present will be fined SIS
J. CAREY, Secretary.
''Yes, but | don't exactly catch on, ,
protested the innocent. "Oh, you don't
Well, 1 got the cards printed myself
The society is all a myth. When l want
to get out of an evening l direct one ot
those postals to my house. When
reach home my wife hands it to me with
a sigh. l offer to stay at home and stand
the fine of SIS, but she won't have II
that way, That's all, my friend-ex
cept that the same scheme is worked by
hundreds of others, and our poor, de-
luded wives haven't tumbled to the
racket yet. ."-Detr0n Free Press.
HARMONY RESTORED.
Mrs. Simperton, recently married
New York lady, rebuked her maid for
her slowness.
''You are the most trihing servant
girl ever had. Are you never going to
get through with your work ? You can
90 on the first l have no more use for
you. You have not one redeeming quail
ity."
''No wonder never get through with
nv work." replied the shrewd menial.
You sing and play at the piano so
beautifully, and have to stop my work
to listen to you. l can't help loving
good music"
81 was only joking about your leav-
ing. If you keep on being such good
girl, I'll get you new dress on the first
of the month. "-AuStin 81 filings.
WELL CLUBBED.
Omaha Man Gn Chicago)-The police
here must be pretty busy. You look
about tired out.
Chicago Policeman-Yis,s sur, I've he'd
a hard days worrick.
''Anarchists loose again ?"
"No, sur, it was at the political con-
vintion, ye know"
81 did not hear of any rows" "
"No, ye didn't, thanks to me, for |
wrought hard to kape the pace. Ye see
my friend Mike was a runnin' it, an
there was a big lot O. delegates there
favorin' the ould jedge an knew if
them come together it I'd make throu-
BILE"
Yes"
"Wuu, dubbed EN- out. y Omaha
World.
HE KNEW HIS DUTY.
This story brings to mind one that is
told of a Confederate guard who was
once on duty over in South Carolina.
An officer was discussing war matters,
and remarked:
"You know your duty here, do you,
sentinel 2"
''Yes, sIr."
"Well, now, suppose they should
open on you with shells and musketry,
what would you do o.
Form line, sir"
"What! one man form a line ?'
eyes, sir; form bee line for camp,
sir. ."-AtLantG Constitution.
SHE KNEW IT.
A Vermont woman was struck on the
head by a large dishpan, which had
been hung in such a place over the
closet door that it could not be opened
without dislodging the pan. Fortunate
ly the injury was not serious, but with
righteous Indignation at the stupidity of
her new Irish ''helpn she asked:
"Didn't you know the pan was sure
to fall and likely to hurt some one badly
if you hung it up there :"
"Indade | did, ma'am It fell on
meself twlcet to day."-Harper's Bazar.
A NICE NEIGHBoRHooD.
A stranger, desirous of locating in
Austin. endeavored to purchase resi-
dence from one of our most leading cit
liens, but thought the price too high
"Too high" yelled the owner, ''too
high, with three saloons at regular in
tervals on the road to church, a peach
orchard with fence easy to get over
close at hand, and there hasn't been a
policeman seen in the neighborhood for
the last two years Why, strange, it
doesn't look to me like you was trying
to become one of us. "-IerI8 81 filings.
There Is some originality in the APP
pended paragraph, which is culled from
Il letter announcing to prominent
young Albanian the birth of a niece:
81 will answer your last question first.
Julia is doing splendidly to-day. She
was somewhat used up yesterday, and
last night especially, in attending and
participating in the birthday exercises
of our eldest daughter, lovely girl,
AiJaay Journal.
WICKED LITTLE BOY.
Bobby-''Ma, you don't want me to
play with wicked boys, do you z"
Mother-'S 'SNo, indeed, Bobby"
Bobby Well, it one little boy kicks
another little boy, isn't it wicked for
him to kick back p
Bobby Then l don't play with
Tommy White any more. He's too
wicked | kicked him this morning,
and he kicked me back"
FROM CHICAGO.
Fogq-The worst break l ever made
was at wedding a short time ago.
When congratulated the couple was
rather embarrassed and | wished them
many happy returns OF the day.
Ross That was a sort of silly speech.
Did it provoke the newly married cou
pie
Fogg-Oh, no; they thought it was all
light. You see, they were from Chica
20. Detroit Free Press.
A MOCKER
Conductor addicted to stammering):
T t~t-wenty t-thiRd s-s-t-t-treet!
Passenger Csimilarly tongue bound):
p please l-iet me off at F-f-forty
md st-t-treet.
Conductor: H harlem r-river, end
If r-r-rOute!
Passenger: W-why d didn't you l-let
ne off at F-forty -s-second st treet
Conductor: b bee cause you mocked
ne!-Ttd Bis.
HOW TO TELL ST. LOUIS PEOPLE.
Landlord of Hotel see we have a
newly married couple here-Mr. Hiram
4eeper and bride-but the register does
lot say where they are from.
Clerk heard him ask her at break
asst this morning: "Would you like
ome of them molasses, Susie 2"
Landlord takes pen and writes L" ST.
4ouis" on register opposite their names.
- -Wjcdqo JrjJUu,.