The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1886-12-09
He Wanted An Az.

Noah Easter, VINO resides IN the vlcln.
ity of New Boston, came to town last
with the avowed intention Of
an AK, and as it Is well.
known fact that the Hillsboro Hardware
Company keeps only the best Mr.. Easter
naturally sought their. big establishment
on South High street. A salesman was
to wait upon the man who
wanted an AK, and he wasshown mum.
Der OF different kinds, but it was easy to
discern that he took an immediate liking
to the Buckeye All.steel Ak (warranted)
sold only by this firm, though he pre-.
tended to the salesman that such was
not the case, and finally concluded that
"he'd look around and see If he couldn't I
do BETTER" Though he certainly knew
that such a thing was impossible,) J
whereupon the salesman politely ex.
cused himself and went to wait upon
some of the immense throng waiting to
buy in other parts Of the store.
Now Mr.. Easter had money in his
clothes, but.he probably reasoned thus
"These is tarnation hard times; reckon
I'll see If I can't swipe one O. these ere
axes without plankin' down ANY O. my
lucre; amt afeared O. gittin' ketched ;
I'm purity slick rooster"
So he awaited an opportunity and
soon Buckeye All-steel AK was snugly
ensconced in the larboard pocket Of his
overcoat. Mr.. Will Gregg, realizing
how the Buckeye AK is priced above all
others, and believeing that no one who
wanted an AK would leave their store
without taking one along by fair means
or foul, observed that the gentleman's
coat was inclined to bag upon the said
larboard side, and he detailed Lieut..
"Slater" link, of the firms private de-
tective corps, to look the matter up.
Slater" found the trail warm-aye, hot,
Like "Old sleuth" of story paper fame,
he Swallowed his man, drawing tighter
and tighter about him each moment
the coiling threads of evidence. He saw
the AK buckeye All-Steel warranted
sold only by the Hillsboro Hardware
Company price sly deposited in the pur.
loiner's wagon, and notified Marshal
Roads. These two, accompanied by
Mr.. Gregg, then bore down upon the
unfortunate gentleman from the vicinity
of New Boston and carried him off in
triumph. The gentleman desired to
pay for the ak, but Mr.. Gregg was not
to be bribed. He would gladly have
allowed the man to 60 free, but the
good of society demanded his prosecu.
ton. So he struk an attitude like Vir.
ginius or Apollo or someone else, and
said words to these effect: "What
Perish the thought! Never! can for.
i've you officially for the Hillsboro
Hardware Co., which ever tempers jus.
tice with mercy, aye, even as the Buck
eye All-Steel az Warranted sold only
by the Hillsboro Hardware Company
price $l) is tempered; but you have
violated the laws of the great State oi
Ohio, and to the great State of Ohio you
must answer-and may Gus have mercy
+" here his retreating footsteps and the
sound of his voice died away together in
the distance, (he had got the ax) and
Mr.. Easter accompanied the Marshal to
the tribunal of justice presided over by
Mayor Harman.
The shorthand reporter failed to gel
His Honor's remarks upon tae occasion
of passing the sentence, but they were
probably like this:
"Sir, yours is very aggravated case
and the offense would be deserving o.
very severe punishment did ! no,
realize that any one is justified in taking
a Buckeye All.Steel AK Warranted, sold
only by the Hillsboro Hardware Com
pany, price $l) whenever opportunity il
offored. As for myself I use no ethe,
brand and the Court thinks that the
Hillsboro Hardware Company should be
censured for leaving such q terrible
temptation in the way of those who are
only human. But have no discretion
in the matter, and the donation by you
of an X and $3.50 costs to the city fund
will meet with my hearty appreciation
and the appreciation of my good bur
ghers. Thanks. Now you may 20 anC
may you live long and prosper. Cal
again. Good day.
And the sinner went his way saddel
and it is to be hoped-a wiser man.
"Slater's detective work will proba
bly, be elaborated upon in the future by
some five.cent novelist who will proba
oily call his history "Slater, the Sleuth
hound, or Tracked to the Bitter End,
and it will create . sensation when pub
lished in the Rous' Raxo0 or the Dekectire