Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-02
BRIGHT BITS.

AN Indian idol was recently found IN Kan
7as. IL was made Of earthenw sre, was bro wn
IA color. ana has handle. 1t will hold two
quarts, but 1t vail not hold them long IN that
state.-IeoIs SiftjngS.
CHICAGO LlFE-"Say. bub. is that your
mother sitting on the front steps?"
Nav; that's the hired glrl, Jennie"
can see your MOTHER"
EASY 'nough; go round to the kitchen
door."-ChfcdJ1 Nor ming Mems.
OVERHEARD a farmer who lives on the An
droscoRgln telling about a second wife he had
married the 9th r day. He was well pleased
with his bargain, evidently. He wished to ex-
press TO his friend he idea that she was SER
viceabe, though not beauty. II tell you
what, JIM SAID he. ''she amt nag, but
shea a good er."-Le,oiston (Ne.J Jour
nal.
MR.. HowELLs saws the home of fiction is to
be America. Mr.. HOwelle has evidently heen
reading the newspaper accounts of storms in
the West. where mules were lodged on the
tops OF fOur-story trees and halstones fell
"as large as pumpkins" And yet we don't
suppose the newspapers would exaggergate
about little thing like that.-NOrristO1Ch
Herdid.
INA RESTAURANT: Guest to waiter girl
WIN you not give me kiss, beauteous crea-
ture?
Waiter Girl-Not much do l give you any
kiss.
Guest (resgnedly} -Weu, then, YOU might
rs wen bring me a portion of Schweitzer
chee.e and glass of book beer.-Fro'l tie
German.
WELL, all the fools are not dead yet. A
financial reporter on q New York paper got a
u 10 and won 4l}d 600 in a single stock transac-
ton. In another transaC ton day later he
iost every cent of it. Now let him sit down
and figure up how many & asses Of lager $780,,
coo would have bought and then 90 out in a
dark spot and Kick himself for exercise
Grdnd RIDids TeIs0cCLDh.
No Need TO PractiGe-First office boy (col-
oredl-Sam, de lawyer w'ut wuks fur's got
more practic' as w'ut yourn got.
Second office boy tcolored)-GO Off wild yer
now, boy; yer doan' know w'ut yer torken
bout moro oractic'--he! he! haw! now dat
am too funny. W'y,yer brock niger. de
lawyer w'ut | assist doau' ,hab ter practlc' a
tall. He knows 'nouf a're'dy nd Bits.
"YEs, SIR" said real estate agent to an
amateur farmer, "(hls Is as fine piece OF
land IA there is in the country Fifty acres
good soil, and then there Is a magnificent cold
spring on the place. I'D, Ell? Wen. guess
| don't want it,. | have heard too much about
cold springs killing he crops. may not look
like a farmer, but don't want any cold
spring thrown in with my land - Chicago
Rdp6ter.
"HULLo, Bill" exclaimed visitor at a
peniteatiary, 'how did you happen to get in
this place."
Didn't do nothln' much, 'cept open a
| saloon"
"Golly. the temperance movement must be
| great In tnls StAJe. IOJ IOCE Ell II Tor break
| ing the liGuOr law, Wen, welln
who SAID anything about liquor laws"
| SrOwled the other II got locked up on the
charge of burglary. "-Arhansaa TrdOe1er.
AFARMER in Erie county, New York, sold
a pair of steers to an Indian named John
| smoke. " no lived on the Indian Reservation
| near Buffalo, and after waiting for some time
| for his pay went TO the native and said
| ''Now, John, it's time those steers were paid
| for; YOU must either pay me now, return
| them, or take an Internal licking"
The Indian, with characteristic stolidty.
| replied, after thinking a moment: 10y -e-s, /
guess that's the best way to settle it!"-Es-
| change.
! Col. MAPLEsON announces that he will
| have an Ita ian Opera Company n this coun-
| try in 1857, and in explaining mis- plans naive
| ly says 1.-The payment Of salaries 10 the ar
| lists W II be suspended during the time they
| are on the road" This announcement would
| seem to be entirely super1uous, for of late
! years the artists who have travelled with
| MaplesOn have had their salaries suspended
| as the regular thing both while on the road
! and on the stage. That is always part of the
| MapleSonian plan.-Erch0Rge.