The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1886-03-27
ALLEGED HTMOR.

Manager: Excellent, sir, excellent.
I'll have theproperty man get 'em out
and dust 'em for you tonight. It'd
bits.
"WHAT shall tell people who ask
whether you are engaged" said n
young lady at the dinner table to 81
somewhat eccentric theological student
at Andover. "Tell them that you
don't know" was the reply-CoHgre-
gationahSt.
A PUPIL in one of our public schools
remarked one day last week, while re-
citing history, that 1.-the first conscien-
tious Congress met in Philadelphia.
1t has been suggested that it was also
the last one.-Cape Ann Breeze.
"THAT fallible person, the printer"
says the Boston Transcript. 'has
much to answer for. Think of a COM
position OF theimmortal Beethoven be-
ing announced on programme as
Fifteen variations with fudge as it
was ut a concert the other evening.
"1HEN you are studying music this
year are your" inquired young lady
of her friend. How doyou enjoy it ?"
80, it is delightful. | have such fun
practicing. | nearly drive Aunt Jare
crazy. Mother goes off neighboring
and | have the house all to myself.
Come down and near mepraCtice some
day" 80, dear no, thank you. The
doctor says | must avoid all unpleas-
ant things"
"PAWPAW,' said New Jersey young
lady will you look into the dictionary
for mosquito and let me know how
it is spelled ?" "Tain't here" said the
old man, after a search. at must be,
pawpaw. Have you looked careful
" 2p "I've been through the SIS five
times, an there amt nothing that
even looks ike 'skeeters. New York
Sun.
BACHELOR-Whati in the world are
you hunting around on the carpet like
that for? Benedick-I want pin.
Bachelor-Want pin? Why don't
you look on the pin-cushion, then?
Benedick Cooking up in surprise from
his search)-See here, old man, when
you've been married as long as | have
you'll know where to look for q pin
when you want one.-PittsbUrg Dis
patch.
YOUNG wife ''See here, John, what
mother has sent us-a barrel of APP
pies. You couldn't have bought them
in the city for less than two dollars a
barrel. They came by express this
afternoon Young husband-"How
much expressage did you pay on
them?" Young wife-'"Three dollars
and seventy-hve cents. - Philadelphia
Evening Call.
DE JoNEs-'I wonder why Miss Big
giles married Snifkins instead of Booze
by They were certainly engaged"
Podgrass-''Ye | know; but Boozeby
wanted to break the engagement off
long ago but was afraid to, so he sent
Snifkins to break IT to her. He fell in
love with her and married her" De
Jones-'Ah, see! Failing to get the
one she wanted, she thought she would
proxy mattel" (They haven't spok-
en- since. Rambler.
ALTHOUGH a banker and one of the
best business men liz the world, the
late Lord Mayor of London, Sir r. n.
Fowler, writes so atrOCiOus a hand
that a sentence which he intended to
be read as follows. al regard the con
duct OF the government in this matter
as absolutely inhuman," was, owing
to the inability OF a printer to decipher
what was meant, transformed IN type
into, ~ rarely can compass a tale.
My grandmother is the best narrator
OF amusing Incidents. "-Exchange.
CONSERVATION WEEK" asst is called
in the Normal School, has furnished
some amusing Incidents. Great stress
is laid upon the manner in which the
Normal School pupils question the
scholars visited. At one school an
"observer" was trying to formulate a
query rather unsuccessfully, when she
was relieved by seeing a hand shoot
up. The owner OF the hand followed
it, saying: 81 know what you want to
find out, but that question won't fetch
it Boston Record.
NINE. X, who has never been outside
of Montmartre, has the innocent fault
of trying to make her acquaintance
believe that she has Travelled all over
Europe. "When you were at Venice"
inquiries a visitor OF her one day to
whom she was telling the story of her
travels, "did you see the lion OF st,
Marks" "Did / see him." replied
she. "What question Why, | saw
him at the very moment when they
were giving nun Ills tlItlllEI3 anu gave
him a piece OF meat myselfn' Tab
leau.-Paris Figaro.
COUNSEL (for the defense) say
that you are only II years old?
Plaintif-Yes, sir. Counsel-And that
my client, a strong man, assaulted you
with intent to kill orsinging at night
Plaintiff-Yes, sir Counsel-What
were you singing? Counsel (for the
prosecution)-I object. Magistrate
The objection not sustained. The
witness will answer the question.
Plaintiff-Singing Rocked in the
Cradle OF the Deep" Counsel (for de-
fense)-Your honor, the defense resign.
Magistrate-The prisoner IS dis
charged.-NeW York Sun.
"I NEVER saw such q man in all my
born days" exclaimed Mrs. Crimson
beak to her husband, who had been
imposed upon in a purchase she had
requested lin to makefOr her; 81 new
er knew you to get anything without
being cheated" What, never2" said
Crimsonbeak chestnuticalIy. "NO,
never" emphatically replied Mrs. c.
''Well, guess you are right. have
always been suspicious OF it since that
day | was married" And then he
opened the window to see how far he'd
have to jump to theground.-YOnkers
sta teSHlaH.
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