Morning journal and courier., 1886-01-11
.IANUAKI.

'It is not always May" sings a poet. You
 are very right; it is sometimes must. The wages of sin being death, we can't understand why lot of people we know don't get paid off at once and have their
 services stopped. Eye. Ministers wife Gather trying at times)-
 How much did you get for performing that
 marriage ceremony this naornings Minister
 Two dollars. Wife-Only two dollarss Min ister-Yes The poor fellow said he had 1 been married before, and hadn't theheart to charge him more than that. Nice young man (lecturing to Sunday l schooD- D-"Now, is there any little boy or girl who would like to ask any questionss Well, little boy, I see your hand; you needn't you like to ask." Small boy-"How much
 longer is this jawin' going to lasts"-The Rambler.
 Jim Webster, being once more before the court his honor asked: Haven't you been in jail for stealing chickens once before?' No, sah; no, indeed, 1 haint. Praise de | Lawd foah his infernite goodness and mussy, nobody hain't cotched me yit. Hit seems as
 eff was perfected by de higher powers."- Texas Siftings.
 The law of Money.-A confidence man who had Roped an old Hayseed out of $90 and had been Arrested for it called in a l Lawyer and asked: "Is there any Law by which can be Punishedf' ''That is not to | the Point,'' replied the Lawyer; "what I l want to know is whether you have money enough to beat the law by which you can be | Punished!" Moral: It was Proved in court | that the old Hayseed begged him, as great Favor, to Accept the money as a Christmas l Present.-Detroit Free Press A specialist in throat troubles was called to l treat Boston lady, who manifested so much 1 interest in his surgical instruments that he | explained their uses to her. "This laryngo- scope" said he, ''is fitted with small mirrors | and electric light; the interior of your l throat will be seen by me as clearly as the ex- | terior; you would be surprised to know how | far down we can see with an instrument of | this kind" The operation over, the lady ap- peared somewhat agitated. "Poor girl" said | her sister, who was present; 'it must have not that" whispered the Boston | lady; "but just as he fixed his instrument in | place I remembered that had q hole in my | stocking. "-New York Sun. A Maiden sehoolmistress thinks that some | of her pupils compositions are funnier than | anything of Mark Twain's. From m essay | on Cushion, :" written by boy of twelve,
 she cites the following "sensible people
 wear sensible fashions, aud nsensible people | insensible fashions" Anotl.er hopeful of | hers, writing on the subject "A Rainy Afiei- | noon," evolved from m inner consciousness deeper than that or Josh bil- | lings, the following sentence: "It rained | hard, and could not go owdoors, and so 1 went out in the shed and sod some wood. "
 In little straw frame on her mantel is a sen
 tence from the pen of her youngest and brightest, given in answer to the request, ''Write in twenty words definition of | Man" It reads thus: "Man is an animal that stands up; he is not very big, and he | has to work for living '-Boston Record. THE CANDY A little candy dog
 Came to life Christmas tree, And he wagged his stumpy saccharne tail, And he parked away in his gee. And little Maud woke up,
 And very frightened was she To hear living candy dog
 Bark on Christmas tree.
 In order that she might sleep From her bed jumped Maude smal And plucked the dog from the Christmas tree And devoured him bark and all. Puck,