The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1886-12-22
BRfC-A-BRAC.
Murmur not. to get relief;
For Impotence makes thy care
Heavier much for thee to bear;
Happy he who, childlikc, will
Let God load him I'M the hill.

The baker is the only loafcr entitled to
respect.
The universal Christmas carol is adapted
10 the Fest toOn.
The fate of the pretty girl under the mis-
tietoc-Kiss.mct.
lis thc barbcr's apprentice who often
dyes young.
Oysters have a language of their own,
anu clans stew.
A fog signal reminds the sailor of the
tower of bay bell.
When II man falls down his temper gen.
orally gets up before he does.
a question for decorators--How can Il
irlcIc adorn Il warm intcrior?"
OF Il man suddenly struck dumb, il may
be said that his melancholy dazc has come.
Courtship, like champagne, soon looses
its zcSt if kept too long after the pop.
Hush money is what the young husband
parts with for p~arcgoric, soothing syrups,
etc.
Christmas is apt to be followed by blue
mass in families where the old allopathic
practice prevails.
Christmas dinner ut home, no matter
how mcngrc, is preferable to Christmas
lunch anywhere else.
Santa Claus is a dead issue-thc rising
generation is very smart, and know a thing
or two when he secs it.
The man who racks his brain to get up
an original Christmas menu is called the
Great Christmas Menu-vir.
The man who never does any harm
might crawl into n cave and stay there ten
years without being missed.
They say 'onc swallow does not make
I spring. Just try boiling coffee, and see
if ii won't.
Christmas lesson for the young Chill
drcn. the best part of the turkey is the
drum.Stick."
When a man is about To sncezc he had
rather do that than anything else in the
world.
Points in the stock market are proba.
bly, so called because spectators generally
get stuck on them.
England doesn't object to taking a drop
when She feels likcit Last year she drank
SGlG,3l3,GO worth of liquor.
\ fashion writer says all the fashions are
for slender wGmcn. They are certainly
not designed for slender purses.
Love is blind" True, true. The
Young lover never secs the dog till i, is too
late to escape in a dignificd manner.
The Puritan is the name of n nov color
in ladies goods. or course it is warranted
to he fast.
The only circumstance under which Il
man can pull more than a horse is when he
is pulling ut Il bottle.
For every man killed in war ten have
been sent over the gulf by the aid Of the
c"rKScrcw, says Il temperance paper.
y policeman in st. Louis attacked by
cl"icra mnrhus lost so much rest that he
was forced TO 30 on duty TO rccupcratc.
Washington prid,S itself upon the DOS.
session of an egg 1000 Yeas old. We've
seen some that seemed to he older than
,lrg'.
y nicc, easy c~NcrCiS" for Christmas day
Is That of counting the change YOU have
lett. 1t can he done generally with ouc
hand.
Kate Field has recently said that women
hear with their eyes. This particularly
applies to the woman who watches her
ncighbor through the kcyholc.
Some ono says there is Il great deal of
character m eyebrows. We do not know
about This, but we do know that there is a
great deal of India ink in them sometimes.
\ little girl under five, looking at an
ugly face in Il hook, said: Il think the
features arc good, if lie was not ma!;i.,rup
Il face
Speaking of the widening of woman's
sphere, why do not some of the sex take to
carpcntcring? Women are generally inter.
cstcd in joiner work.
y Tennessee man can SO perfectly imi.
tate the sounds made by two dogs engaged
in fighting that he calls a Memphis congrc.
cation out OF church in three minutes.
shoe can be made in some of the Lynn.
Mass, shops in 4Ominutes. A pair of feet
would be likely to 20 through such shoes
with almost us much dispatch.
II don't think there is any royal blood in
my veins, q" remarked n sad faced Young
man as he made n bee line for the dentists;
"bu my jaw is every inch aching"
Bad seasons and short crops arc the latest
solutions of what ais the farmer. Ought
not short crops to bring good prices? If
not, why not?
a man becoming angry because his gun
kicked badly, his companion said, Gums
are but human, after all. They are almost
sure 10 kick when the load is too heavy"
When you visit n fair this season politely
inquire for the treasurer. When found
ianI INN your purse with a pleasant smile.
1t will save ."0u all further trouble.
1t is hard r~atching either to devise or
10 afford all nc Christmas gifts that The
'N''"''' '''iH va itl IL lou nave 10 StTttln
remember that your patron saint is Santa
Claws.
Railway conductors say that Friday is
The ligltcSt day of the week for travel. II
is probably because SO many people have n
supcrstitious idea of the day us being I'm.
lucky.
\ Kentucky man claims to be able to
Fill his mouth with water and blow il
through his cars The remarkable part
OF this statement is that the man is able to
take the water into his mouth.
Going security for n relative IS a good
deal like licking a rcd.hot poker with
the tongue. There is nothing to he gained,
and only about one man in a million can do
it with safety.
n boy was asked if he ever prayed in
church, and answered. 80 yes; | always
say n prayer like the rest do, Just before the |
sermon begins" What do you say" was
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