Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1886-12-23
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mark" says an exchange. What! Kiss
q girl on the nose2 Neyerl
Poe never sat on the balcony Of q
seaside hotel in August, or he would
have written it "The chin-chin-abula-
ton Of the bellies"
Mr.. Plesnay-"Waiter, here is a but
ton in the SOUP" WATERFALL, yes
the cooks. Well, you can have 1t.
He'll never miss it"
China and Japan buy our dried
apples freely. Thus does American in
dustry help to swell the population Of
the Orient.
"Oh, what bird is that2 have just
Joined the Audubon Society, and am SO
interested in bird calls" "That's our
goat"
aSwooper," asked Niggler, "who are
these Knights of Malta we read about
occasionally" "Mus be some organi-
cation of brewers" replied Swooper.
Creditor-"Can you let me have my
little bill?" Debtor" Certainly, but
something on 1t in the future"
Somebody asks: "What Is warmer
than O woman's lover" Two women's
love. Get two women after you and
the heat will be found somewhat OPP
pressive.
We don't wish to be understood as
finding fault with nature, but we do
wish, from the bottom Of our hearts,
that the luminous end Of the freely had
been hitched to the mosquito.
Bookbinder: "Will you have It bound
in Turkey or Moroccop" Purchaser
"Oh, Mercy No. What's the use Of
sending it away. off there? Have it
bound in Boston"
Telegraph operator Qeading message)
whats this? Z" Will marry you
whenever you wish.'" Aged Spinster
Eyes; do you think it too forwardp
It's my first offer and I'm afraid he'll
get away"
Head of the House. Jane, q man
came in to-day and made me buy some
sRough on Rats" Wife-"Mercy,
John we haven't a rat in the house"
Head of the House-"Well, can't we
get some?"
The best way to clean q chrome,
Ethel, is to lay 1t to soak in turpentine
over night. and then hang it before an
open fire to dry. Hang it close, Ethel;
hang it close. Push n orn under
the CRATE a few inches.
Detective-"See here, you called me
a lynx-eyed detective in your paper to-
day." Reporter" Yes, | did" Detec-
tive-"Well, | want you to take that
back. I'm no more lynx -eyed than you
are"
Husband (handing his wife some
money)-"There, dear, is $50, and 1t
has bothered me some to get it for you,
think l deserve a little praise" Wife:
"Praise2 You deserve al encore, my
dear"
"Were you at the sociable last
nightP" "Yes, and I spent a very
pleasant evening" II heard Miss x.
was to sing there. I suppose you en-
joyed that" "Ever so much. She had
a sore throat and couldn't sing"
Binks-"D Did you go to Milwaukee
ayes, / was there.s Binks-aW6at
lulplCDoCu yOu IlubU uQllilk JUul bU-
journ in Milwaukee," Jinks-"The
numerous signs Of English Spoken
Here"
From the amount of seismic lore being
shot OIL in the newspapers the chances
are that any man will now know an
earthquake when he meets one Here.
toTvtS There mas been some danger Of
confounding the blame thing with a
passing ash cart.
Fogg-"I heard a pretty compliment
for you the other day" Mrs. Passy-
"Indeedl May l ask what it was /"
Fogg-"I heard some one say how
pretty you used to be-" Mrs. Passy-
used to bel Do you call that a com.
pliment? Icall it an obituary notice"
Blythe Bartholdi statue: Policeman
Move on now. We can't allow loun-
gers here What are you doing here.
anyway. Lounger-Hist! Don't give
me away. / am waiting for the statue
to be finished, so / can Jump off it first
and get ahead Of the rest Of the boys.
Miss Clara-"Do you not think. Mr..
Featherll that Miss Smith, whom we
met last evening, is a very plain per-
sonp" Mr.. Featherly-" Yes, indeed:
L think she is the homeliest girl / ever
saw, present company, of course, always
ex-um-that is. Yes; she is GER
tainly a very plain person. Are you
lawn tennising any this season, Miss
".'What is that you have got on your
writing paper, Sadie?" "That is INV
monogram" "What is a monogram Pb
".Why, the initials of YOUR name
changed so that the letters overlap
each other" ooh! 1 see! But these
are not the initials of YOU Names
"Yes, they are" "Well. [ can't make
'em out" Certainly not. That's the
beauty of it. II you could make 'em
out it wouldn't be a monogram worth
having"
Mr.. Baxter was about to take his
wife and children out for a sail. "Come
on" he said, "there's a spanking breeze
and we mustn't miss it," aPapa."
interrupted his little son, with his
hands folded behind him, "take the
rest of the family and 90. With that
Kind OF a breeze blowing l don't want
to be caught in a little boat with
mamma until l have learned to swim"
A gentleman who had been In town
only three days, but who had been paw.
ing attention to a prominent belle,
wanted to propose, but was afraid he
would be thought too hasty. He deli
cately preached the subject as follows:
IF l were to speak to you of marriage,
after having only made your acquafn-
lance three days ago, what would you
say ofitp" swell, I should say, Never
put off till tomorrow that which you
should have done the day before yester-
day."
At breakfast he began to play with
the cruet stand. / told him not to do
So. He persisted, and at last upset 1t
and spilled the red pepper on the table,
cloth. l said: "Now, Allan, you were
d%isobedient and upset the pepper castor,
and | should make the punishment At
the crime by putting some Of the pep
per on your tongue" Helooked up like
a flash and asked. "Would the punish-