St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1886-12-18
MRS. BOWSER'S TALE.
The Good Lady Tells of Her Experience
Election Day and Night.


Know Bowser2 He's my husband
Doesn't know enough to come in wheI
it rains. Ii he did he'd stay out ana
get soaking wet just to oblge his polit
zeal party.
Bowser is passably domestic and in.
tclligent except at election time. About
week before the election he begins ia
act up. He saddles the party on hi!
/ back and begins to grow thin and pale
and nervous. His mind is filed with
majorities, stra' ghts, splits, slips, can.
ards and candidates.
| give him Hail Columbia-I have
| even kept him awake all n ght talking
to hm-but it does little or no good.
Tie old crank is figuring out q net gain
of l2S in the Fourth Precinct of the
Sixth ward all the time | IN talking,
| and when forced by exhaustion to stop
for moment, he looks at me with gls-
tcning eyes, reaches out his paw and
yells:
Whoop! shake tell YOU. we've
got en-
The closer it gets to election day the
more Of an IDIOT he becomes. Strange.
men come to the house, and he takes
them out into the alley for a whispered
conversation, during which they nod
and gesture and chuckle and shake
paws. He is called out of bed to stand
on the front step and mutter and mum
bic with strangers who may be mid
night assassins for all | know. | wish
they were. wish they'd hit him with
a sand-bag and render him unconscious
Oft al Ia OF
without asking my advice or consent.
and along towards midnight, after
have got the whole police force looking
for him. he comes sneaking in and con.
tidentialiy whispers:
Say, Hammer, its all fixed to run
Blker in the Seventh ward and his
election assures us a grand victory ali
along the line,"
You old idiot. but what do l care
about Bilker or your grand victory.' ]
yell at him.
Ssh! Don't talk so loud or the op-
position will get on to our racket"
And the way he and the rest of EN-
write communications to the papers
signed '.Pro Bono Punlico," '.Veritas,''
"Workingman' and "Taxpayer' is
perfectly awful. I've known Bowser
to sit down and write a whole ward of
stuff, claiming to know exactly what
allied the country, and furnishing po-
Itlcal panacea for it, sign it 'Truth,''
and send it OFT to appear next morning
in print and scare half the country to
death. Bowser knows what ails the
country! Why, he doesn't know
wart from a stone-bruise
1t is on election day that his vivid
foolishness glares like an electric light!
He gets up half an hour earlier, gulps
down hasty breakfast, and rushes off
to peddle tickets and challenge votes
and see to bringing out the full vote.
He doesn't go, though, before 1 have
said to him:
''Bowser, you are affected idiot!
7 GU turn with a crank You ought to
be turned out with kangaroos! You
We'll make the majority two thou
sand all around and bury the opposi-
ion out Of sight!' he exclaims, looking
1t me in such a dreadful way that | feel
ivers race up and down my spine.
At noon hear that he has bet our
house and lot on his favorite candi-
late.
At three o'clock that he has been
bounded all to jelly.
At six that he has also bet his horse
ow, the baby and the cook-stove on
At nine that he has offered to bet me
gainst fifteen dollar overcoat.
AT ten that he has gone to political
eadquartcrs to stay week, and that
Then some one asked after my health
e replied:
"turs' rate-tuff's ole rhinosceros an
vices ugly! 'Rah. fur Zhene1al Zhack-
on!'
At midnight kick his Sunday plug
at across the floor, fling his slippers
ut doors and smash his pipe and 90 tai
ed III settle with MIR. Bowser when
comes home, and if blood is split
he law must hold me blameless. At
DON next day he comes home in a hack
at smashed. pockets inside out, coat
his torn off and a fifty dollar suit of
othes completely gone. His hat is on
e back OF his head, his eyes blood
'ot and beer stains all over his vest.
IN myself to slaughter him, but he
gyms to cry and protest:
SHAY, Hammer, 90 light on 'er fell
r! Hull ticket got cleaned out by
ooo majority, an Eve come home or
e!'-Detroit Free Press.
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