The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1886-07-11
PASIIAE.

1t is no reflection upon a yacht 70
accuse her Of beating.-BCstOn Post.
The ancients could beat US to dea b
nainting pictures, but look at our
frames.-Philadelphia CGH.
1t is a great day for small boy when
he can whistle for himself aud wear
his brothers pants.-N O. PieayBne.
81 hey often noticed, >" says Josh Bill
lings, 1.-The man who would have done
such wonderful things eff he had bin
thare, never gifts thare."
Anarchists are not particularly
honest, and yet we don't believe one OF
them would take bath, even If it were
left out over night.-PEek.
An exchange asks: "Is cremation be-
coming popular7" IL may be, but We
never heard of any enc trying il but
once.-MGrathon Independent.
Bel eve nothing against another but
upon good authority: nor report what
may hurt another unless IL be a greater
hurt TO others 10 conceal it-N. y.
Ledger.
Young lady Tin shoe-store) -Have you
a stout calf shoe, suitable for a servant,
at a price not To exceed two dollars a
psir2 Clerk (uverworked60 yes,
ma'am. Rr-What size do you wearG-
Chicago Tribune.
Intelligent housemaid - o, please,
miss. there was a young gentleman cal
led when You was out. He didn't leave
no card, miss. but can show you who
he is, cause theirs three of his photy-
graphs in your ALBUMIN. Y. sun.
Peoria has a lemonade vender who
has decided to get a new lemonade 10
use this summer. He will try to get il
here by the Fourth in order to surprise
our country cousins. We regard this as
a stroke of enterprise characteristic of n
progressive city.-Peoria Call.
The FOTtnightly Rerietg says brain
work should be forbidden after dinner,
and the interval between il and bed time
be devoted to recreation and amuse
ment. Them's our sentiments, only We
want the dinner hour fixed at noon,
sharp.-LoOeil Courier.
The mother in introducing the new
arrival to her six-year-old said: Come.
Alice and see what a beautiful doll
have bought for you. Alice. after gaz
log nome ton the stranger said Why
l can buy q piettier one than that for
weight cents at the new cheap
stOre.-IrairiS farmer.
Why don't YOU marry 2" well, you
see, am very particular how my in
tended should be-" Explain your
self" my wife must be rich. hand
some and stupid" why all that7"
Very simple. she must be rich and
handsome. otherwise l would not have
her; and she must be stupid, otherwise
she would not have me. = Fhegende
BIaetter.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox truly sings.
We build our own ladders TO climb TO
the sky" Certainly we do. And we'd
get there, too, if we only built enough
ladders and made them long enough
The trouble with us is that after spIc-
ing The ladders until We get Somewhere
about the fifth story. we decide 10 Sit
down ard economic breath by waiting
for the elevator. And then, half the
time, a fellow teps into the elevator
when it Is on the down trip--Burdette
James" said TUffbOy. Sr., sit is now
ten minutes past eight. told you to be
in the house at eight precisely" But
/ wanted one more slide" said Jimmy.
"One more slide, SIR. You are on the
sliding path too much, sir. You may
carry your sled into the attic for the
rest OF the winter. and your skates, too,
sir. And you will not go out of the
house evenings any more, nor have any
company in the house, nor make any
noise whatever. and you win go to bed
at seven O'Clock, and - Don't Won
think, pop" interjected Jimmy, "that
the punishment fits the crime too
much ?" Jimmy goes sliding as usual.
Hartford Post.