Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1886-03-22
ANOTHER MEMORIAL TO CONGRESS
An Underground Committee Trans-
nit Their Views of the Utah
situation.

situation.
Memorial and resolutions Of grievances
prepared by the special committee OF the
twenty.sck session OF the Territorial
Legislature OF Utah, and respectfully
submitted to His Excellency Grover
Cleveland:
WHEREAS, Undah de unskrutabul des-
tiny OBJ his stubbunness, Ezekiel III. Muir
ray, de membahs OBJ dis Legislature
| hab bin sit down on, so to speek, in our
respective qualifications; and
WHEREAS, He has undun dose things
dat ought to be dun and hab strangled,
as it ware, de very intrinsic 'nactmunts
OBJ dis body elect darefoah, be it
Resolved, That dis committee for an on
behalf OBJ de brederin OBJ de uppermous
house do hereby one an each OBJ
dem promulgate de decklarashun
dat his Unclemency de GUNNER,
hav fragrantly succeeded all jury's-pru-
dence in his prolonged cussedness and
substitution, and in order dat desc SEEM
ing hyperbolical announcements do not
hab de Jingle OBJ malls or forethot, we, de
bonnie fried supportahs OBJ our constitu-
shuns, do hereinafter sight de following
corroborashuns, to-wit: De Guvner hav
from de first shone his teeth on de in
trinsic questchun OBJ our relations wifi de
udder gender, an in order to sashiate his
supersilyus noshun in dis respect dis
body assayed to pull frew q mezhur dat
would prevent male bulls from running
at large. De honurabul membah from
Summit labored wild de utmost ambishun
to regulate desc innovashuns, but all his
L. Il
attended de numerous udder mezhurs to
de same end; and darefoah not only
Rich county but de hole OBJ de COM
munitee suffah de inexo.abul danger OBJ
bein oberrun wild bulls, and all on ac
count OBJ Eliza.
Again, dis same Guv'ner in de utter
baselessness OBJ his contenshus natshur
tempted to supplement sev'ral OBJ de
moast important of1isahs wild some OBJ
his own gang, and to dis end srrep-
tishusly pointed a Treasurer, Auditor
and Superintendent of Skools. De audas
sity Gums in dis wize by comparison. De
fellah dat his exigency puts up foah to
gobbul on to de Checker have nevah
killed singel snake-habent eben hab
snakes in his boots-our man Ajax hav.
De hobgobblin OBJ creetshur dat is
pushed on to us faoh Auditor oh Public
Counts hav got less dan wun drop Of
celestial blood in his vains and hab not
transcribed from doze dat helped to
fraim de revelashun on plural marriage,
nor duz he glory in Book OF Mormon
name; our man duz.
Lastly, but not leastly, we hab bin OPP
purtuned to turn ober de fairs of eduka-
shun to man who karrys blood in his
eye agenst de priestkraft OF Melchisedick
J., !. Goo e L., 4
agenst de pricks wild Sullivan-like foace
Dis man, il he be lowed to clandistinely
grab hole OBJ de skools OBJ dis communety,
will holely revolushunize kustums and
regulashuns until der won't be found any
WHARF on de broad expanse tween de st
, George Temple and British Columbia q
single copy OBJ de Doctrun and Kuv'nants
or brudder "Musser' s Fruits OBJ Mormon
ism" as text books. Besides dis is Nut
: all. Dis man hab dun nuthin' towards
blding up de Kingdum kumpared wild de
! present cumbent, and dere appeals to be
nuthin croppin' out in his conduck to in
dekate dat he will take de underground
} To approximate de premises, we may
conshienshusly say dat it is warfare oh
brains agenst piety, an we darefoah pray
dat de nashun will step in an Illustrate
} de ambiguous inclinations OBJ deze intel
lectual nabobs.
: We hab endured noah persecushuns
dan de Cinnamon. Our best men hab
bin rested for conspiraces an briberys
an even now de good an sanity Hamp-
ton lies 'carcerated on sinking meat
under de cruel an barbrus surveillance OBJ
Deputy Burt, an de irrepoachable Jones,
whose virtues hab bin sung on ten
thouzan lungs, STAINS in daily jepurdy OBJ
he
fiendish am de effurts OBJ deze Federal
vulchures to handicap de operashuns oh
de immortal Trcseder, hooze zemplary
habits are but de fruits OBJ life's long
} career under de tooishuns of our reyered
lnstitushuns. Deze are merely a spot in
de bucket OBJ de noomrus indignities dat
am foahced upon us, an now it am sot
to heap on de pirivashuns by pushin into
office q set oh scalawags who neber
paid n dollah OBJ tithin in all
dare fragrant lives. How long,
oh, how long, Brudder Grover, must
! we sit quietly in de underground and wit.
! ness dis. IIab not de stencil from deze
'normties and Warden Dow's bill of fare
reached yoah sensible nostrils, or shall II
be necessary to hab de pole cat stirred
up, wild augmented horrors, by lowing
deze avarishus nominees to kick de bred,
ren out. we, de people, hooz unpeach-
able attitude foah half century hab bin
to 'stablish hevin on dis terestchul hem
lsfere, shall we be foahced to ben, dc
knee to Bail at dis late day. We appeal
! to you foah de third an lass time 10
stretch foath de arm OBJ Justis, to mend
, dat ole Constitushun so dat we wont he
Handicapped wild deze litigashuns, an il
dis prayer am lowed to beet on de hard
ened drums OBJ de ears oh de nashun, den
we warn you dat we will stan de non
sense no longer, but we will pick up our
goods, an chattels and decapitatc foah
pastchurcs new, and leave you an de
kuhtry to de cyclones oh distruckshun
dat will follow.
Hear yc, Hear ye, Hear ye, SO be il.
GEORGE QuAYLE CANYON,
Chairman oh de Uundergroun' Com
mittee. '