The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-03-25

WHEN . man has poor eousins his re-
lations with them are usually strained.
The @Three Glasses" In English So
ciety of which We hear 80 much are the
Nobs, Snobs, and Mobs. The Mobs
are the rising class.
O. THOSE Frenchl A Paris sausage
maker displays in his window placard
Announcing EVERY link carefully in
oculated by DR.. Pasteuri"
THE painter and the bootblsck each
earn living in the same manner-by
dexterous use of the brush. Both use
q good deal of color, and have their
subjects sit for them.
PRoFEssoR SARGENT says that the
nutmeg hickory of Arkansas is the
strongest wood in the United States.
II we remember our schoolboy days
we think the birch made that impress
sion.-Maverick.
HAPPY AS "A KING.
FROM trifies our pleasures In lif 8 often spring.
The smallest thing happiness renders.
And every man feels "a proud az a king
In pair Of embroidered suspenders.
-Boston Courier.
SMYTHEKINs is trying to arouse the
courage of his better half, who has re-
Gently lost her pet parrot and is over
come with grief: "Come, comet What
the deuce. Be a man, my dear Sup
pose you had lost mei"-Netc York
Mail.
CLARA-"What nonsense they do talk
about trade and people in trade not
being really aristocraticoaRd all that. ;"
Mabel-"Yes, know, dear, and yet /
am always glad that papa's store has no
retail department. Trade does seem
common, after all. "-Chicago Rambler.
A CLEVELAND CO.. man is before the
courts charged with stealing his own
sister. There have been cases where
some other fellows sister was stolen.
but this is o much rarer happening.
The Judge is reported as puzzled"
One would think he might be.-Netc
Hauen Palladium.
"WHAT is the meaning of the words.
De mortus nil nisi bonum asked
Johnny Fizzletop of his father. 1T
means, my son, that when q man closes
both eyes, the public is expected to
close one eye at least to whatever
wrongs he may have committed while
he was alive.-Teras SJti1,gs.
as THE King of Wurtemberg coming
over here to lecture. or sing. or any
thing?" asked lie Dogs. Not that /
know Of" replied De Wfggs. @Why?"
Il sec that he has just told newspa-
per correspondent that he loves Amer
leans. and that is bad symptom, you
know" so it is. - ittsbatrg Chron-
icie.
OFFICE Boy Ito country editor)-"A
man was in while you were out who
said he was the genuine John Wilkes
Booth" Editor hastily fraud.
You didn't give him anything, did
you?" Office Boy-"No. He LETT dol
lar for six months subscription. Ed
itor-@Well, well. And so John Wilkes
Booth Is still alive. It beats ali. -
Chicago Rambler.
MIR. TRIALBALANcE," said Old Hy-
son to the bookkeeper, "you were away
two days last week" Il was Mr.. Hy-
son; was summoned suddenly to at
tend the funeral of my grandmother.
~Ah, yes said the merchant-"quite
right. quite right. Accept my condo
lences. Did you bury the old lady"
~Yes, SIR" @Ah, yes; buried her. /
thought from your breath you had en-
balmed her." Loud and long-contin-
ued silence. Brooklyn Eagle.
IMAGINE MY SURPRISE.
saw u maiden wi n soulful eyes
We met upon the street.
She slipped and fell-the treacherous leo
helped her to her feet.
was in love, way down in love-
My hoart VAS all aglow.
She was the fairest being that
I'd ever seen, you know.
She blushed and thought to thank me, but
My Caesar. when she said;
The next time. sir. I'd thank you much
To turn your horrid head"
Louisville COuriLr-J0uyidI.
A GERMAN writer says "Humor is
the meteorological pessimism which
includes within itself the theological
evolutionary Optimism which may
cause truly, that is to say, an at
once realistic, radical and universal re-
Cancellation to appear as possible"
We have often noticed that, but we
never permit any of that sort of stuff to
paralyze our paragraphs if we can
help it.-N0TTistO,cn Herald.