Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14


see that he is ransarking the packets Of my
pantaloons | start suddenly as wave of
horror passes the entire length of the spinal
column The frcnZied start Squcaks the
costly framework Of the richly carV ed couch
on which recline. In an instant the gentle
man whips out a small gan, tells me TO move
ut my peril, and with his pockets full of stuff
that have toiled hard for years TO accom-
plish, he slowly egresSeS. / realize that my
wife would not be a competent witness on
my behalf, and | have failed 10 provide other
witnesses in my apartments. You know a
man cannot think Of everything. In fact,
thousands Of men retire every night with alb
solutely no one as witness or TO protect them
but their wives forgetting that Is a protec-
tor a wife Is almost worthless and as a wit
ness she Is even more 50.
So have written out and had printed a
large number Of blanks, on which appear the
following questions with spaces for answers
You wake up in the dead hours Of night TO find
q party in the room engaged in the felony in
dustry. You ask him to be seated, and tax
ing from your writing desk the blank allud-
ed to, you PROFOUND the following conun-
drums to him, filling in the answers Is he
gives them:
l. What is your namel
:. Where do you residei
8. What is your agei
L. Your weight!
S. Are you married or single; and if so,
would your family be left destitute in case
should shoot YOU in self defense!
9. Do you die easy or do you generally
cling to lfel
Z. Are you a natural born citizen Of the
United States or are you an alienr
5. II an alien, please state whether it is a
family charaCteriSticl
.. Do you use tobacco'
70 Please state what disposition you would
like TO have made of your remains in case
you should be shot in self defense
II. Do you drinki
L. II so. why will you persist in so doingi
Is. What do you generally takeI
lntermissionl
IA Do you contemplate tine commission of
felonyt
Is. II so, state what is your favayite style
Of felony and your reasons for dabbling In
felony,
l6 Is this the first time you have ever
taken part in a justifiahIe homicide'
IL II not, pleas state fully where, when
and under what circumstances you took such
a part, and whether Or not you at that time
took the offensive or defensive.
IS Do you smoke cigarettesi
~. Please breathe hard on the breast
tester, not necessarily for publication. but
for future analysis
%. Have you ever been inSanei
81. Are you insane nOvi
S2 Do you ever have microbes on your
braini
2S. II so, do you think that they tend
TO deteriorate the brain tissue, OF do you
think that they improve it in your easel
"a Have you any other clothes that you
would prefer 10 be laid out in, aside from
those you now wear!
25 When did YOU first begin TO toll up
toward the pinnacle OF felonyi
26 What amount of money would YOU be
willing TO take in order 10 forego and as it
were, omit this particular felonyf
"a. Would mining stock or ninety-day
paper be taken in such dealt
IS II unsatisfactory answers are made TO
both the above interTogationS, will you please
state fully what medical college you would
prefer to endow with yourSelfl
- Is the idea Of personal devil repulSive
to you'
SO. Would you please protrude your tongue
as far as possible, and hold it there until a
physician can be summonedi
81. Are You an offensive partisanl
(SIgn here Observation-Disclosures.
Signed in the presence or....................i OF.
.------.-.-. --..----
The witnesses must be wholly dtSintereSted
parties, and in case either should ba unable |
10 sign his or her name two witnesses 10 the |
making of the mark must be present ami |
sign.
BY using these blanks and using them ill., |
teligently l believe that much tedious ami I
e1asperating litigation might be avoided, 4
and that u great deal of brain fag, which is I
becoming 50 alarmingly prevalent among
Jurors, will be prevented ShoaIi these lines 7
be productive Of such results, though it be in .
Q slight degree only, shah be proud and .
happy-Bill Nye in Century.