The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1886-07-23
VARIETIES.

Little Jack-"My mammals new fan is
hand painted" Little Dick-"PoOh who
cares? Our whole fence is"
Amt that lovely critter, joint" said
Jerush, as they stopped opposite the leop-
pard's cage at the ZOO. "Waal, yes" said
John he's dreffuly freckled, amt he?"
This ambiguous notice adorns ladies'
cabin in Hoboken ferryboat: "These seats
are for ladies. Gentlemen will not occupy
them until the ladies are seated"
Am Indiana colored lawyer. in trying to
get his client out Of custody, exclaimed: "Da
is law called 'habbs carcass and TIE goin'
to hab de carcass OBJ dat client OBJ mine dead
or alivel"
-"Uncle, why do the appropriateness al
ways have their mouths open in the show
bills ~ Uncle with malicious equivoke)-
ITO take in the public, my boy; and now go
and play"
-Tourst-"I say, boy, what's the name of
that hill yonder?" Boy-"Dunno" Tour
ist-"Dont know? What lived here all
your life and don't know the name of it ?''-
Boy--"No; the hill was here afore coined"
-McGinniss' Fourth of July "Shure, Mr.
McGinniss, an who don't Y; wait till aven-
in to set of yer foireworks?" "Och Missus
Murphy, it must be ali owl yez is after takin'
fur. Do yez suppose Oh can say in the
dark?"
"A lawyer once asked Quaker if he could
tell the difference between 'also" and "like-
WISE" ooh, yes" said the Quaker. "Ers-
kline is great lawyer; his talents are admitted
by almost every one You are q lawyer also
but not Hteutse"
Denying the soft impeachment "Let
me see" said a minister, who was filling out
marriage certificate, and had forgotten the
date, this is the 9th, is it not?" mo, sir"
said the bride with some indignation, "this is
only my second"
women, my boy" said parent to his
son, "are delusion and snare" "Itis
queer" murmured the boy, show people will
hug a delusion." And while the old man
looked queerly at him. the young man hunted
up his fishing tackle.
Lightning rod agent: "It's dangerous to
be under this tree in thunder storm. One
of us might get killed" Victim: "Well, if
you are killed you won't be able to talk any
more; and if am killed l can't hear you-
So guess we'd better stay"
Att the court of Queen Elizabeth Sir Wal
ter Raleigh was one day asking favor of the
queen, when she said:
"Raeigh, when will you cease to be beg
gar?"
"When your Majesty leaves off bestowing
favors," he replied.
ooopo wv iSuu WoitClJ w kiuuCl
school disher Concord school, any how p
What is flosyfer, an how does he make his
Twin, anyhow ?" Head waiter-"Why,
flosyfer ar man which-er-hea ar pusson,
you see, what knows everything, and makes
a Twin telln' folks So"
ALI the world has heard of Bill Travers, the
wit of Wall street. He shutters terribly, but
the stammer embellishes rather than de-
tracts from his stories. 1t was Travers who
silently surveyed the Samese Twins for
quarter of an hour, and then said "B-b-b-
brothers, l p-p-p-presume
Young clerk to tbs employer-"Sir,
there's lady wishes 10 speak to you" EN-.
ployer-"Good looking?" Clerk-"Yes, sir"
Employer, on returning to the office-"A
nice judge of beauty you are. must say."-
Clerk-"You see, sir, l didn't know but
what the lady might be your Wife" En-
ployer-"So she is"
mo sir" declared Schoppenstedt posi-
lively, 81 don't take any stock in all this talk
about mind-reading. 1t is all bosh, every bit
oft. III defy any man living to read my
mind. It's an absolute impossibility, sir an
absolute impossibiity." "But, DEAR" gently
interrupted Mrs. Schoppenstedt, you ought
not be quite so positive. Science has been
making wonderful strides, you know, in the
last few years. Why, was reading only the
other day of a wonderful microscope which
would show over 112, 900 lines drawn in the
space of an inch wide"