The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1886-12-10

haDge places with the turtle and yet he
las great snap.
"A cross old bachelor suggests that
births should be announced under the |
head of new music.
Brilliant men are born with black /
eyes. Men with less brilliancy have !
their eyes blscked artifcially.
There's a GOODNESS between u.s."
said the sea captains to each other when
An iceberg passed between the ships.
The handy legged man is happy, 1 ween;
To terror he's never . prey
his knees never smite together with fear,
Because he amt built that way.
some one says it is the hill which
produces the echo. And here we have
lived all these years thinking 1t was the
hollor.
You should never tell a man that
he lies. Simply remark that he is guilty
os heterophemy and drop the subject
if he'll let you.
Don't judge a man by the noiEe he
makes In this world. Two trade dol
lars in the pocket will make more jingle
than $40. 900 in bills.
"A corresp ondent wishes to know
how editors spend theiI leisure hours.
Leisure hours ., yes they spend
them catching up with their work.
How one thing brings up snoth-
er." said his lady. in pleasing retrospec-
tion. Yes" replied Dibbs, IAN emetic,
for instance" She left the table in
huff.
"A whetstJne mine has been discov-
cred in Dakota. Now let some one turn
up scythe quarry and the hay crop of
Dakota will be secure against loss.
Uncle Sam is monarch Of millions
of unsurveyed acres, and is that much
better than Alexander Selkirk, who
was only monarch OF what he surveyed.
An exchange cells how to make An
umbrella case. Easy enough-steal the
umbrella. But who ever heard of an
umbrella case being brought to trial,
anyway.
I've eaten next to nothing" lisp
ed Smithers, who was dining with his
girl. ''Oh 1 always do that when l sit
by you." responded the young lady
pleasantly.
"A philosopher says that only through
failure can success be obtained. This is
perhaps the reason that so many mer-
chants purchase expensive houses after
having failed.
In bathhouse. Customer (frantic-
slly)-Here 1 say There are no tow
els here. Proprietor--In a moment, sir.
The gentleman IN number seven is near
ly through with it.
"A Waterbury fve-year old at the
supper table last evening set down a cup
Of milk which he had raised to his lips,
with the remark: Mamma, 1 believe
the mllkman has q sour COW"
"A newspaper has been discovered
in Pekin, Chiua, that was started In the
year Oil. 1t is never bothered with
communications from the man who took
it from the start.
An advertisement reads: Wanted,
young man to be partly out of doors
and partly behind the counter" and a
Cleveland paper asks ''What will bc
the result when the door slsmsP"
"A poor man frequently talks about
how much be would do for his fellow
men il he were rich. After he stike,
oil, however, he generally forgets thai
he doesn't represent the entire human
race.
They say careful recalculatIon oi
the distance between the sun and earth
has again been made and found to b<
90, ,959, 900 miles. That settles it. Nc
danger of the two planets cOIliding be-
fore the next Presidential election.
"A young lady was giving an account
the other day Of an extraordinary indi.
vidual whom she saw during her vacation
rambles last summer, and was pressed
for description of him.
"Oh, :" she said, "it's useless to try to
describe him until you've seen him, and
when you have seen him there's nothing
to say"
You know, my dear, have often
said that like the rest OF human kind I
am only poor weak sinner" said Mr..
Jones, as he was trying to excuse him
self to his wife.
Yes, +" remarked she oyou have an
And 1 have never in all my life saw
anybody 80 anxious to prove the truth
Of this statement as you seem to be-"
"A resident OF a suburb OF Pbilsdel.
phia traded his white COW for a black
one. His small boy not understandings
the dicker, had this information for his
father when be came home that night :
Papa, they've took our white bossje
away, and put an old black In there. an,
L tell you, sir, if there's ally black milk
on the tea table tonight, won't drink
it."
bachelor Uncle-"Ah, my dear.
you look as pretty as a picture. don't
wonder George thinks 50 much OF you.
Has the rascal proposed yet Yn
Pretty Niece-'No, uncle, he hasn't
really believe he's afraid to-"
why don't you encourage him a lit.