The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1886-03-13
ALLEGED OK.

we never tried lt.-NOTTlStONn heF-
aid.
THE Accurate Britisher again: 1.-The
Gentiles or non-Mormons are begin
ming to out-number the Saints in Utah
itself. ."-Sa turday Review.
THE latest trunk mystery is how 81
man can secure a months board at q
first-class hotel on a two dollar trunk
filled with secondhand bricks.-Life.
TEACHER -"Who discovered Ameri-
ca?" Johnnie-Christopher Column
bus" "That is right. Now, how did
he come to do it?" "He come by wa
ter"
WE notice IN going about that these
men who are so very clever to other
people are not so to their own fami-
lies. Wenotice this particularly when
going about our own home.-keDtucky
State Journal.
A PTTTsBURG, Pa, man was heard
to remark to a friend the other day:
Say, Array, me boy, do you wantto
know how toraise some dust ?' Yes,
l do, l am very hard up" "Well,
shake a carpet"
THE New York Sun has an article
headed "What the Fishermen Want"
Everybody ought to know that what
the fishermen want is something TO eat
and q place to dry their trousers
Louisville COurier-JOurnal
81 MUST have order in this court
room, sternly demanded a Justice OF
| the peace. 81 must and will have less
noise and confusion here. ! have al
ready disposed OF three important
cases without being able to hear one
word OF the evidence"
A YOUNG Scotchman has discovered
the true inwardness of the debating
club. Hurrying along the streets in
his best clothes he was stopped by a
friend and asked where he was going2
"l'm GAVIN to the debatin' society,""
he said, ''to contradict bit"
OLD Mr.. BENTLY (reading the paporl
i see that IN recent storm at sea a
ship loaded with passengers went
ashore. Old Mrs. Bently (placidly),-
How fortunate! | can imagine just
how glad those passengers must have
been to get on dry land.-New York
| Sun.
| YOUNG ACTOR-Have you been down
TO see me act lately, old boy? Friend
No, too poor. Young Actor-Non-
sense. Why, you. spend enough
money for cigars every week to buy a
/ dozen tickets. Friend-Oh, | don't
mean I'm too poor. You'retoopoor.
New York Sun.
AT the ball-He-Pm going to pro-
pose, Miss Edith" She interrupt
ing)-"Oh, my, Mr.. Jenkins, so sud
den and in such a strange place." He
! (desperately)-"I am goingto propose
that we stay here when the rest go to
| supper, because-because- left my
purse at home. ."-Judge.
| HOSTESS (who has hungan engraving
! OF Emerson in the spare chamber in
Difference to her Boston guest)-Did
you notice the engraving over the
mantel in your room last night. Mrs.
Waldo? Thought it would pleaseyou
Mrs, Waldo-Oh, yes. What fine
looking old gentleman Is it picture
OF your father New York Sun.
COMMERCIAL Item: "I'se got COM
plant ter make" said Jim Webster to
his employer, an Austin merchant.
"What is it?" "De bookkeeper
kicked me, san; don't want no book
| keeper to kick me-" "Of course he
kicked you; you don't expect me to
attend to everything, doyou? l can't
look after all the little details OF the
| business myself"
WTFE-"Ned, what do you think
| Charlie wants now? He asked me to-
day If | wouldn't bel p him tease you to
| buy him a bicycle" Indulgent father
| (who once had ambitions himself-
! Bicycle? Nonsense The boy can't
| have it Tell him to go up in the at
tic, and fall down two flights of stairs
! 1t will be just about the same thing,
! and save me $100."
HENDERSON (who has Just been in
troduced -"DeHghted to meet you
Pm sure. My friend Jones often
speaks of you. 1t was only the other
day that he said: Mrs Louisburg is
such a fine, motherly LADY," Miss
Louisburg with faint smile of an
poyance on her smiling facel-"How
droll Your friend Mr.. Jones was
probably speaking of my mother. |
am Miss, not Mrs. Louisburg." Fen
derson (much agitated )-"Oh, | beg
your pardon but, really, is it posgi-
bic that You have mother living ?"-
| Boston Transcript.
A GENTLEMAN who had carefully
trained up his servant in the way he
should go, so that when his wife was
present he might not depart from it,
sent him with box-ticket for the the
ater to the house of a young lady.
| The servant returned when the gentle
man and wife were at dinner. chad,
OF course, been told in giving answers
in certain cases to substitute the mas
culine for the feminine pronoun.
''Did you see him ?" asked the master
eyes, SIR" replied the servant. "Hs
said he'd go with pleasure, and that
he'd wait for you, sir" What was
he doing?" asked the wife, carelessly.
putting on his bonnet, ma am" said
the idiot.