Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-12-12

his ball hat through last summer.
The Professor will organize class IN st.
Louis this spring if he succeeds in collect
ing his salary. lie says they owe him ST.
in the last town he was in. am sure the
people of West Virginia will be glad II
the Professor gets it. l so assured him.
Thomas Jones faithful black mare Fleet
foot died of diStemper last week, am told
that it was a very good mare and. l am
sorry did not say something OF 1t sooner.
am sure the good people OF West Virginia
will sympathize with the State of Kansas
in this. These few salient points are all l
have at present. / learned great deal
concerning local matters, about row be-
tween Jim Stevens and the barber, and
such like, but it is not OF national import
ance. We Just give the news that has q
bearing on State matters, to give the peo-
pie little insight into Kansas as she is.
The statistics mentioned can be relied upon
as correct for they were compiled by the
landlord of the Windsor and myself. l
staid one day and half there.
Did you ever notice at the hotels that
careworn, languid, suicidal look the saul
sage or steak has at times? That, gentle
reader, is the result of old age and re-
peated service. The guests at the hotel
consisted of myself and at each meal | had
the same piece Of sausage. When 1T first
made its debut before me it looked like an
aged fried boxing glove. 1t was not redo
lent in youth with glistening skin and
alluring look, but it looked moth eaten in
spots. 1t had been reverently handled by
the cook for 10 these many days. The love
have for age forbade nue. to eat 1t. |
have business of heavily seasoning all |
don't eat with cayenne pepper. am hui
manitarian and love for my fellow
citizens impells me to this. got thor
oughly acquainted with that sausage. /
could scarcely eat without it before me,
and each time gave it a generous sprinkle
of pepper. After supper the train brought
some more guestS--a drummer and two
grip sacks. He went to supper. Little
did he know the fate that was lurking for
him. Presently
HE GAVE A YELL
and broke from the table, rushed to the
water cooler and on his way upset the cook
and a tray of dishes. He waved his hands
and yelled 'icep' The landlord and sew
eral citizens seized him and pinned him to
the floor. A physician was sent for and
came. The drummer continued to yell
water, water" The doctor pronounced
it hydrophobia, and Immediately Chloro.
formed him. He was taken To his room,
and volunteered TO stay with him. In
an hour his eyes opened and he looked
wildly around and muttered sausage.
He saw me aud then said in a hoarse
tremulouS voice: that last d-m sausage
was loaded" He had eaten tiny old
associate. In the morning saw the land
whisper to the cook, did that blamed fool
eat the sausage last night? 90 a d get a
new one" Then he came in muttering
that there's no money in keeping hotel
anyway" left that evening and was
Obliged to wait in q depOtover mile. from
town, for five mortal hours on late train.
most heartily object to the seats with
cast iron divisions generally used in sta
tions. Did you ever wait for late train
and try and make yourself comfortable in
one of those relics of the inquisitiOn? II
You have and have made
a success of it, you have abilities that
will make you n great civil engineer, or
elSe yOu are n much better acrobat than /
am. fl were obliged to pass many more
evenings waiting on late trains in such
cOntrivances l would soon be bald and i
would not have joint on me that did not
have = corn on it. They are abOminalSe
nuisanees and am not ashamed to say it.
The next time see Jay Gould intend to
talk to him on this subject, l will say to
him. "Jay, why in the thunder don't you
show some sense in building your waiting
rooms? Why don't you put seats, actual
living, sure enough seats in them, and
when passenger gets n ticket let him
occupy the seat. People who Just come
to the station for fun or to make mash
can sit on that cast iron apparatus, bat
think Of it Jay, think how many poor
mOrtals, patrons of your road euss and
swear and are perhaps led to murder after
holding down one of your present seats for
half an hour, the patron Of the read Is
entitled to a seat where he can get a
little quasi sleep without.
COMMITTING SUICIDE
to get it Now, Jay, ifyou can't fix your
seats Just give me an order on your agent
for store box and door mat 10 be used
only in case Of delayed trains-n Thus
win speak in the cause of my country