The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-02-17

=" VII Va q
train being thrown from the track
by a misplaced switch. How ut
terly careless some women are
about leaving their hair around"
And she went on reading and eat
ing caramels. 5s.l,nat
A refreshment bar on a certain
railway is kept by a veteran baker.
A sprightly young traveller com
planned Of one of his pies the other
day. The old man became angry.
young man." he said, severely, II
made pies before you were born"
EYES," responded the traveller, II
fancy this must be one of those pies"
During her sojourn at a hotel, a
lady broke an article belonging to a
china toilet-set. On leaving the
house she was charged with the in
tire set. AS remonstrance was una
vailing she paid the bill, and, plead
ing the excuse of having forgotten
something, returned to the Dol and
brok each and every article of the
set for which she had paid. And
some people say women are not
clever.
Has the halfpast-three tram
gomez asked an old lady, breath
lessly, as she struggled into the
station and dropped her bundles on
| the floor"
. "No, madam; it is not two o'clock
yet
".Well, thank goodness! I'm in
time. John said [ was foolish to get
up at four o'clock this morning and
come away without dinner, but I
knowed better.
PHANTOM PHILosopHY.-De fest step
toward spilin' a chile is ter laugh an
call him smart when he sasses yer.
Sense doan' allus win in bust
ness. De smartes' dog on de
plantation will sometimes bark at a
doller, an afterwards fine dat de rab-
bit ain dar.-A boy ken do wrong
an outIive it, but it ain often dat
way wild a man. De colt ken slip
down an jump up widout much in
Jury, but when de ole boss falls he's
APP to hurt hissc'f.-De oman dat
dresses ter please herse'f shows sense,
but de oman what dresses to dis
please sumo udder 'owan wild 'spe-
rior finery is got a soft spot sum'ers
near de top O her head.-I has al
lus heard it said dat if yer'll arnly
stick ter yer business yer's boun' ter
win, but dis amt true in cherry case
When yer tries ter keep a ole goose
from s%ettin', yer may take de aigs
er way, an 'stroy her nes', but de
goose keeps on er settin' jes, az close
ter de nes' az she ken get. Dis
shows nights fine Termination, but
mighty po'sense.
If you mus marry, let common
sense have "a show in de transack-
shun, Doan' 60 off your feet bekase
you meet a girl who kin sing like a
robin, smile like a rose, an jump off
a street kyar widout boderin' de
driver to stop, a wife will have
much to do besides singin' an cult
vatin' dimples. If you am gwine to
marry, AK yourself how fur $40 per
week will 60 when divided up fur
clothes, an pervishuns, an house
rent, an fuel, an i%ncidentals. Befo'
you fall in love wild a gal who looks
too sweet fur anythin' in a red plush
sacque, kinder fgger on how many
SIGH buds your income would afford
her. Befo' you ALI all broke up ODER
a gal who plays de pianner, talks
French, paints landscapes an reads
poetry, .jist sit down an figger who
am to cook yer meat an taters, patch
yer cloze, darn yer socks an help
yer make $12 buy $15 worth of
things. Befo' we let a par O fiashin'
eyes an a cunnin' dimple captivate
we, look aroun' a little an e if de
owner has got a temper like a wild
cat. Marriage am a lottery, simply
bekase people take each odder un-
sight an unseen.-Brother Gardner.
In Russia matrimony is under the
rigid surveillance of the police. No
man is permitted to marry out OF
his class, and even within his class
his selection is very limited indeed.
A priest, for instance, must marry a
priests widow or daughter; a dea-
con must marry into a brother dea-
cons family; sexton into a brother
sections, etc. But the chance OF