Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1886-01-13

LOnuOn Il un.
Kentucky is called the "Pasteur
land" of America, because its inhab-
itants have a dislike of water.-Pitts-
burgh Chronicle.
Canon Farrar came to this country
for rest and took away $4,000.
He will take the rest on his next
visit.-Philadelphia Call.
Poets and philosophers are the real
thinkers of the world. The mathe-
matician among scholars is mere
figure head.-New Orleans Picayune.
John Boyle O'Reilly says that if
women ruled the world life would be
poem. Perhaps so, but the average
man don't want poem. He wants
pie.-New Bedford Mercury.
Congressman Hatch, of Missouri,
wants to be relieved from serving on
the Agricultural Committee. 1t
strikes us that Hatch would be a good
man to sit on the committee.-Ex.
"Kiss the baby while you can,"
admonishes poet. We can kiss her
just as well eighteen or twenty years
from now-if she's that kind of a
baby, cautiously remarks the Buffalo
Express.
Tennyson's latest poem is entitled
THE Close Of another Eve" How
the world does improve. The first
Eve had no clothes at all, if the pho
tographs of the lady we have seen are
to be relied upon.-Ex.
A breakman who was caught be-
tween two freight cars, the other day,
was describing his sufIerings to his
wife. "Why," she exclaimed, that's
just the way it feels when you are
breaking in a new pair of corsets. >
Utica Press.
Newspaper reporter to president Of
company: HAS your company taken
any steps yet to pay its taxes?'
"Why, certainly, sir. We have
made two protests against the consti-
tutionality of the law."-Wall Street
News.
A Texas couple had been to a mas
querade, and she had recognized him
at once. "Was it the loud beating of
your heart, my darling, that told you
| was near?' murmured he. "Oh,
no." she replied, II recognized your
crooked legs."-Ex.
The Territory of Dakota asks ad-
mission, with her coat-ofarms bear
ing the motto, "By COD the People
Rule" There is too much of the
cowboy about that. Why couldn't
they have been satisfied with the sim.
pie motto, "The People Rule" with
out the profanity Boston Post.
A Florida farmer living on the
Ocklockonee river claims that it is
biliousness that makes man get out
Of humor and fret and swear; when
he feels himself getting angry he
swallows compound cathartic pill.
Last week he was driving oxen and
swallowed thirty-seven pills in one
hour.-Ex.
"Ah, dearest" sighed the young
man, kneeling at the feet of his own
est own, "dost thou know what of all
outward things is nearest my hearth
Really, / can't say" she replied,
but if you have regard for your health
in this changeable weather / should
think it was flannel shirt"
She was too practical and it broke
the engagement.
They were talking of the do ownfall
of the Glitters, and of Miss Glittcr's
going out to teach music. "She's a
real nice girl" said the visitor, "and
sings soprano lovely Soprano, So
prano," repeated Mrs. Parvenue. 81
don't know as I've heard that song
isn't it new one ?"--New York
Mail.
She: "Oh, George, George. l have
not seen you since dinner. Where
have you been ?"
He: "All RI wifey-sho shorty
wen off unexpectedly-hic--like a
gun"
She: "Why, didn't you tell me
you were going off, dearS"
He: "Couldn't--hic--didn't know
/ was ded."-Life.