The Columbus journal., 1886-07-14
GIFT OF SPEECH.
An nAecomplishment Which. II Not Natur
May He Cultivated.

An AnAecOmpltShment Which, II Not Natural
May he Cultivated.
Probably, my son, you never eon.id.
cred how important a thing it is in life
to use language with felicity and copi-
Ously. l purpose showing you. by IA
couple of examples. how appctizingly
dish of fact may be garnished by the
flowers of speech.
Here is bald. uninteresting matter
of fact statement:
''As | came down town this morning,
l saw man run down by herdic.
He was not hurt, but his clothing was
badly soiled."
Now there is nothing attractive in
this statement. 1t is juiceless. spirit
less. inartistic. See how the same
materials can be made intensely inter-
esting:
'.By blOwpipe! I witnessed con-
dcmnatiOned narrow escape this morn
ing. Great. Zeus! but l thought the
incarnadined fool was booked for Hades.
for sure! He was just ahead of ME.
dye see, and the man, by stove-lifter'
mast have been blind or asleep. An
unsanctitied herdic came careering
down the street, by pens and scissors,
and just rs the anathema got halfway
over the crossing. by pianafOrte! the
hcrdic. by curtain fixtures! came on to
him, by elm tree! pcll nell. and. in an
instant, by tobacco! he WAS down on
his marrow-bOneS, BY cOilar-buttOns,
- nd ha Inn To ,f la,
check-rein! The fellow wasn't hurt.
but, by Boston Common! he got Il con
demned dusting. by sealing-wax! ami
he looked. by pocket-knife! As though.
by cuspi.lore! AS though. by garden
sass! he had been wallOwingin horse
pond, by locomotive and Il train of cars!
all his natural life. by primrose and
daisiesr'
There, that is something like. You
have the same story, but embeilished
and beautitied into real work OF art.
A few Oaths intersDersed into the COM
monest narrative will enliven it Won
drously. There is much virtue in an
oath
Again: You are called upon to make
speech. You have nothing to say;
therefore you remark to this effect:
"Mr. Chairman-I am no public
speaker; and if were. have nothing
to say. Therefore beg to be excused
from attempting to make a speech.
Thanking you for calling upon me. |
will. with your permission. now resume
my seat"
That is what you would say; but an
orator would express the same idea in
language betitting and eloquent. For
instance:
"Mr. Chairman-Utterly and irrevO-
cably unaccustOmed and unused as l
am to mount and ascend the raised and
elevated rostrum and to dispense and
give forth thence glowing. glittering
and resplcndent streams of speech.
rounded and rOtund periods of elO-
quence and ornamental and ornate ora
tory, l am especially and particularly
unfortunate and unhappy at this time
and moment in not having any thing to
talk about. to speak of or even to men,
ton. Hence and therefore, Mr.. Chair
man. beg and supplicate and pray to
be excused and pardoned and forgiven
If. MIR. Chairman, Ineither attempt nor
essay, nor yet endeavor, to speak or
talk upon this occasion or ut this time
or in this presence; but that may be
permitted and allowed, both at this
time and upon this occasion. to be ex-
cused and exempted from making.
manufacturing or constructing any re-
marks of any kind whatsoever, or from
uttering, delivering or giving voice to
any thoughts. cogitations or reflections.
And. Mr.. Chairman, returning and eN-
tending my heartfelt thanks and good
wishes to you. Mr.. Chairman. for calling
upon and requesting me to address this
hOnOred and honorable asSemblage of
no nored and honorable gentlemen, l
will now and at this time, with your
kind and graceful permission. your in
diligence and your well-knOwn and
universally recognized courtesy, re-
sumo and retake the seat from which l
ought never to have arisen. and which
ought never to have relinquished or
left. Again thanking you. Mr.. Chair.
man. for the honor you have bestowed
upon and vOuchsafed to one who was
never fitted to flourish in the luXuriant
fields of oratory. once more sink and
descend into the obscurity and insig-
nificance from which l ought never to
have emerged or ventured forth"
This is OratOry; this is eloq uencc.
Copy this style of speaking, my sSn,
and you will S OOn acquire name and
fame as public speaker.
And to YOU. my daughter. | have =
word to say. Instead Of simply say
ing:
Il saw Sue to-day, but she didn't
have anything particular to say"
Endeavor to cultivate that faculty of
difflsive particularly SO uncommon to
your sex, and deliver yourself in this
wise:
Il saw Sue to-day-and. by the way.
what taste she has in bonnets-Oh!
that reminds me of May Pennington;
she's got lovely new wrap. and John
Strut says-you know John; his sister
married Charley Black-wonder what
she ever saw in Charley! I'm sure l
never could endure him, he isn't a bit
goOd-looking, and then he's so stupid
what was I going to say? o. yes!
John Strut; John says-oh. Belle! have
you seen Johns new turnout? 1t is
awfully nice. was telling Kitty only
last night-what queer girl Kitty is!
Did l ever tell you about the time she
and l had last sumner"
And SO on Indefinitely. am aware
that this perspicuous and delightfully."-
varied style of speech is seldom acquired
by females; but, my dear daughter, it
is not so difficult, after some practice.
Acquire it. by all means.-BOston Tran
script.
TAKEN FROM LIFE.
tentions From Her Many Suitors.
At six o'clock her flowers came; at
eight she and their sender were Going
tn a card nartv s.NO lane Won need