The Arizona champion., 1886-07-31
A CHEERFUL DAKOTA LIAR.
Samples of What an Average Dakotan Can
 Do at the Expense of the Truth.


 In the east thousands of people plant and SOW Gin the moon' to in. sure rapid growth, but in Dakota it is dangerous to plant in the prolific phase of the moon, so they are care full to plant at such a time that the moon will exert its influence in hold ing the crop back. l have known several disasters to result from neglect of this precaution. One day last Jan uary l got lost out in the country, and while was toiling through the tall, new grass I saw a man with noth- ing on but his suspenders tearing along like mad. He stopped just long enough to tell me what was up, and off he went for the Iowa side of the Sioux river, which he cleared at bound, and fell on all fours into snow drift four feet deep. He said he and his wife had looked up the moon business and had planted their garden the evening bsfore. bu, happened to get hold of last years almanac and missed it about four days. The result was that when he awoke up that morning the beets that he mad planted forty feet from the house had crushed in his cellar walls, and squash vine had taken the door of its hinges and was just mopping the floor with all that was lelt of the hIred man, whom il had snatched out oi bed in the attic. He diu't knos where his vile was, but he saw some shreds ot night gown and several agate buttons Tn the front yard as he fed. He said tLere were pea vines after him with pods on 'em large enough for phantom boats; and one could see by the way that he wa, dressed that ii hs was d liar at all ne was not regular Dakota thorough. bred sample. If 1 ieally thougN ] would ever become an average DtkotS liar l would want 10 die. This terri tory must be divided some time be. tore the day of judgment, for how could the Almighty ever audit its accounts with only one set of clerical agents at work al a time'
 About two weeks ago saw farm CT out behind straw stack gathering into heaps a lot of old bones and pieces of hide and sprinkling salt on them. Yesterday saw the same man selling fine pair of steers to butch CT up town. They were so fat and had filled up so fast that he had pieced out their hides with an old buffalo robe. This granger was a Sunday school superintendent b,fore he came 10 Dakota, but he swore these were the same cattle l saw him kicking together behind the straw stack. He said all they had eaten was some wild grass that had sprung up in his door, yard, where the womea folks had thrown out few tubs of warm soap studs on wash days. He said that he had learned that the best way to winter stock in Dakota was 10 knock them all to pieces in the fall and set them up again as wanted; otherwise, unless we get a blizzard every week, they were liable 10 get too tat and round on the native grass.
 Last fall l stopped at house to borrow a match to light my pipe with. The man tod me 10 go right out in the garden and pick all l wanted. l did not know what he meant, and I'm almost afraid you'll think I'm a liar for telling it--there was about hall an acre growing the finest parloi matches l ever saw. They were thick as hairs on blind mule. He said he had poor crop the year before be, cause the seed was too good for such soil. This year he had mixed hi. aeed for matches with about one fourth toothpicks and got splendid yield.
 went out after breakfast and saw the man blowing up hubbard squ ,shes mith gunpoWder. They were too large 10 be moved, and the farmer wanted the ground. 1 noticed that one of his "ife's legs was about eight inches longer than the other, and the maj explained Il thus. He sald when ihe, first cane to Dcko,a they lived in a "dug opt,' win no,hirg bat ,'s ground for floor, from which the, had 10 mow the grass once a c 4y to hnd ,he baby. He said his wite had habit Of .il'ing with one leg owe, ,he ether knee, and the leg that re- mained in contaci with the soil goi