The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1886-08-13
BILL NYE'S "REMINISCENCES


BILL NYE'S ReMtNtsCENCE
fr fsr 5=affan Fl 2------s- aE."H. .E
As Committeeman sof y Recent Fourth
.y5r VI JuiYI Celebration. Il y 1eE
Z, In the sammer,of ~ was on the commit
tee chosen at a meeting of. our citizens ito
make arrangements for the proper observa-
don of the regular national day which
marks the onward march Of freedom We
i. selected proper place, hired lumber enough
TO ntaks seats. with pitch ON it to in ure
the audience staying through the overture.
We secured a slender, long-waisted Texas
shoat named Phallas to act as CREASED pig,
hired band from "town," got young
woman with tall head and a twenty
pippin Adams apple to read the Declaration
of Independence, and then we began to cast
about us for a good, strong-voiced orator
who would remain toerably sober till he
had made his speech. We looked the ground
over pretty well, and at last decided to call
Col. Braley, of the Sage Hen ranch. call
him Col. Braley because it suits my purpose
better to call him Col. Braley. The gentle
man to whom l refer is still alive, and l
would like to be also. Therefore call him
Col Braley .e .......,.. i. f.-.,z.
We wrote to the colonel pleasing note, in
which we referred to his genial manners, his
great popularity and his good sense upon
matters that would naturally interest the
people of our section. eve told him that it
was the general wish that he would favor US
on that occasion, and we hoped for an early
and satisfactory reply. In two days we re-
ceived the following, as well as am able to
recall it at this date: sts. L.saaa5.l lE
SAGE HEN RANCH, June 81, 1877.
Mr. Chairman and Gentlemen of the Fourth
of July COMMITTEES:
Your favor regarding speach upon the
grounds near thu oil | Buffalo Waller ON the
Fourth of July, is received. / am no speaker
on such an occasion that, and therefore
beg to be excused. There is only about one
man out of ten thousand that can make a
good Fourth OF July speech, and he is not,
as general thing, good for anything else.
In the first place, don't seem to have the
necessary voice. ! have tried it once and,
did not succesd. The majority of the crowd
went home mad because they couldn't hear,
and the balance went home mad because
they could. So I haven't got the voice,
can stand over on Roundup No and talk
to the foreman on No. easy enough, but
can't talk against Sabbath school loaded
with fire crackers. sas5f .tsasf @
Moreover. gentlemen, I. am not ready
thinker under these circumstances. | am
man of fair business Judgment or else l
couldn't have accommodated $500 head Of
No 4-year-oli Is worth SIS apie ce in O.nal IL
with nothing to begin on five years ago bnt
a condem led government mule and hope
fui disposition. You will admit that Us a
financier am no slouch, when | teliyou
that i'll all that five years the assessor has
never got near enough to hold a conversa-
tion with me Or to sock a valuation ON nay
; herd. . -'.' 7r-A
The trouble with me is that when | get up
on my fees to talk to a large AMI per<piring
throng people my idees are like buncl
OF catl in the sock yard, TO: instance. The
whole blamed crowd wants to skin through
the shute ani be loade into the same car at
the same minute, or else they won't u con-
demned one of 'em agres 10 be loa ID
That's the best way l can express it. I've
either got idecs enou n 10 load car, ali at
once. faster than can get rid of em, or else
lcsn't think Of a banleI thing. Still, con-
tinuing to carry out the icompafisol, eent.e-
men, want to say, to you that have also
had a big fat, 5-year, old Maverick ,idee got
wedged into my head when I tried to make
aspeeeh. and it would neither 60 ahead into
the speech nor back out for five minutes.
You can fancy a man of my position in So
ciety standing up before a mob of his fellow
men and twisting the tail Of reluctant
idea till he is red In the facei 1871 al '-'i.s''-
1love my country, gentlemen, and love
the dear old flag You don't hear me brag.
abontit, though it's nothing to be ashamed
of, but u ave fought for this flag when, if
Ishads listened to the voice of conscience, l
would have gone, to Canada. II l have
marched along the endless dusty; roads of
the south with d seal brown musket on my,
shoulder for days and days without seeing
anything to shoot i have slept in the BOT
tom of a trench night after night expe citing
every time that would take my breakfast
next morning in the New Jerusalem. All
this / have done because thought it was
right, and think SO yet; but am not good
off hand extemporaneous speaker on the
Fourth of July.
I am with you in the spirit on that day. l
will bow my head when you open the exer>-
cises with prayer, will hum with you in q
low, gutteral tone when the glee club sings
"America. viii pause in my labors while
! the, Declaration of Independence is being
hissed out through the clenched teeth of a
young, scared to- death elocutionist, who
seems to be afraid of ihe cars. will suffer
with you in spirit through the long, hot ora
{ tion, filed with patriotism and perspiration,
but cannot be there. Iswill think Of you,
and ] will indorse anything you may say re-
garding Freedom from her mountain heights
or Starry Banner Free, or any of those
things, but to stand up before my fellow
citizens and fan the air with the tail of an
alpaca aszstes saa yell zsay lla.-5+az Ieese ever
a large, irregular mass of freedom, of which
we have more than We need and don't know
where to put it or how TO use it, is out of my
line. aesJ 5at 80 @1qT LfH.s5'9 %
beg leave to subscribe myself, yours In
the interest Of the great, nngifted majority,
who do the work but cannot fuently jerk
the Roman nosed bird Of freedom
. - s5da1s.ssa JAMEs@W. BRALEY
To Bill Nye,; chairman CREASED pig and ora
ton committee Boston Globe.