News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-09-02
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
A LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
THE L-ISJRE HOUR.
Nothing to COOI1--The Apology was AC-
cepted-It was Cold En0ugh-Did y
Blame the AnEeIs-A Streak of Bad
Luck-Dots and Dashes, Etc, Etc.

JUST LIKE MAMMA.
A lady riding upon horse car saw a
little boy whom she knew.
$50 you have little sister, Willie, :"
she remarked, pleasantly. ''ls she a
pretty baby?"
"She looks just like mamma" was
the smiling answer.
''What do you call her7' asked the
lady.
''She's named after mamma" an
swered the little fellow promptly.
Everybody was smiling, and the lady
inquired the color of the baby's hair.
cts the same color as mamma's," he
responded, timidly.
A gentleman who had been amused
by the dialogue, asked the wee man if
the little sister was good baby.
eyes, sir" was the prompt reply.
"She is just like mamma r'-D Detroit
Free Press
BETTER GIT.
Fx- Congressman Harris, Seventh Vir-
ginia District, has been doing some
building down in his neighborhood,
and his brick-mason was not quite up
to the standard.
II say, john" he said, 'syou are not
laying those brick in a workmanlike
Manner
81 amt, ain't II" replied the mason.
"Well, l don't make no claims for veloc-
ity, ner NECESSITY, but fer substantiable-
ness an durability l don't turn my ham
to no mason in the whole State of Vir-
ginry, Jedge, an eff yer don't like my
stylishness you better git somebody
else {"
The Judge accepted the apology and
watched the work little closer
Washington Critic.
SWEET WIND.
Two Indians entered a drug store on
Third street. One was a tall young
man, and his companion was an aged
and dried up specimen of humanity
They were dressed in dark, ill-ftting
clothes, and each of them had on moe
casins. Their black slouch hats parti-
ally concealed their jet black hair
Marching into the centre of the store
the red men, after the style of the pow
WOW around the camp fire, expressed
himself as follows:
Big Injun wants heap big sweet
wind
Without any hesitation the clerk
turned off two glasses of soda water
and gave them to the red men. The
Indians drank and were satisfed.-S.
Paul Globe.
FAMILIAR WITH THE SUBJECT.
Teacher-Now, Tommy, ifa carpenter
wants to lay floor thirty-six feet long
by twenty-five broad with boards fifteen
feet long by one broad, how many
boards will he want?
Tommy Six.
Teacher-Nonsense
Tommy-Five hundred?
Teacher-DOn't guess, Tommy. John
ny White, you may tell. (Johnny
toid.)
Tencher-Thcre, Tommy. do Won see
how quickly Johnny told how many
boards were wanted and he isn't as
old as you.
TOMMY know he amt but his
father is a carpenter.
A BOSS GIRL.
Miss Carrie has her Boston cousin
staying with her just now. 1t rather
Jared on her refined ear to hear her
American relative speak of the "boss"
this and the "boss'' that, and the '-boss"
the other thing She had expected such
different language from gigl from
Beantown.
'Is that good word, Kitty?" sheat
length inquired. THAT boss you
know"
"Why, of course it is; it's boss
word, promptly replied Miss Kitty.
"Didr't the ilgrim Fathers use it when
they called our place Boss town"-
Toronto Mail.
HE DIDN'T BLAME THEM.
The new baby had proved itself the
possessor of extraordinary vocal powers,
and had exercised them much to John
ny's annoyance.
One day he said to his mother:
INA. little brother came from heaven,
didn't he?''
eyes, dear"
Johnny was silent for some time, and
then he went on:
"Say, Ma"
"What is it, Johnny?"
uOu y OItAIllC IIlC lOE UOuuC-
ing bin, do you@-MerchGat TraoeJer.
TWO FOOLS.
When DR. Vincent introduced at
Chautauqua DR.. Henderson, of Chicago,
who was to lecture on Fools" he said: !:
"We are now to have a lecture on fools
by one' Qong pause and loud laughter
from the audience, when the President
concluded with the clause "of the
wisest men in the country" T lee
turer advanced to the desk and re-
sponded: 81 am not half so big fool
as DR.. incent" (anOther very long pause,
and still more hearty laughter from the
audience) ''would have you suppose" :"
CROPS.
A blank crop report was sent out by
Cleveland Paper for the farmers to fill
out, and the other day one of them
on the blank side, in pencil:
"All we've got in this neighborhood
is three widdcrs, two school ma ans,
patch of wheat, the hog cholera, too
much rain, about so acres 'taters, and a
durn fool who married q cross eyed gal
because she owns eighty sheep and a
mule, which the same is me, and no
more at present. "-7He independent.
1T MAY COME TO THIS.
First Minister: Well, there doesn't
seem to be much money coming into my
church, for the heather, nova days.
Second Minister: No, nor in nine
either.
ENJrot Mi,fcfor. If ~ I1rnc11ft
of chance, Id propose having a base
ball game one day every week for that
object, to be divided among our mis-
sions.
Second Minister: Game of chance
Humph, it isn't. We can beat you any
day in the week. .-ITd-bits
POET.
A couple from the humber walks of
life came before justice of the peace
to be married, when the ceremony being
over, the bride began to weep copious-
ly.
"What's the matter?" asked the new
husband.
81 never told you that I don't know
how to cook" sobbed the bride.
Don't fret. I'll have nothing for
YOU TO cook Pm poet.
HIS MOTTO.
"For what do we studyr' asked the
school teacher, as the class stood before
him. There was silence, for most boys
can't see any use for studying. anyhow.
Then the editors little boy, who was
one of the class, re2ollecting the motto
at the head of bis fathers paper, raised