davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
business.

NttttlsF AiFiN4t.
''RusincSs amt what it used to be, said
a curBstone merchant yesterday, rs he pol
ished "a halef d dozen cowla buttons on
the heel ofa green stocking. The peO-
pie want too much these days, and il you
don't give them u satin tie with every col
lar button they buy then they'll get mad
and walk away. Oh, this suyerneer bust
ness makes me weary. It's being run to
death. Il used to be chrome with every
pound oftea. Now, it's n~ickel-plated but
ton hook with every pair Of shoes, a RooSll
leather album with every dozen cabinets,
and a box of matches ora belladOna plaster
with six tiye-cent cigars. Why, this crazy
business has even taken root in Gamblers
alley. understand there's n young Teller
in there who gives three tips on the COney
Island race with every shine. Perhaps
in come to such a pass that people will
want me to give them 4 Roman coin with
every ten-ceut pocket-bOok they buy at
this store. Will they get it, Not II my
name Is Isaac.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
4 FidO That Loved LUCrO.
nayt,n Ey-ryF

\ lady was visiting friends at the sea
side. where there was n fine dog whose
master was in the habit of giving him
money every day to buy meat for his din
ner from the butchers cart. The lady,
admiring tho handsome, intelligent animal,
called him to her as she sat ut breakfast
and fed him from her plate. The dog at
once went 10 his master, and, standing on
his hind legs, paved and scratched at the
gentlcman's breast pocket. At first the
master failed to understand, and ordered
him away, but the creature persisting, he
finally said: We'll, l do believe he wants
his money" and offered him a coin, which
the dog instantly took, and trotting up to
the friendly visitor deposited it in her lap
with a way of his tail and a look which
seemed to say: Il always pay the butcher,
and why not you9"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
A Thrust at Burdette.

Robert Burdette. general humorlst and
good fellow generally, doesn't seem 10
know much about country life. He tells
OF n city man who went TO have n quiet
time in the county and who was Taught
harvesting the first day, sheep washing
and shearing the next, and fence building
and wood chopping the third. Now, Rob
ert, you ought to know that sheep are not
washed and sheared the same day and,
that anyhow sheep shearing blooms In
the spring, ira Ia, and not in harvest
time, and that the family firewood IL cut
in the winter, and that tho wild whirl OF
fence building Is never INDUCED in even
by the most dissipated Of farmers while
the harvest Is ripe. Go to-RObert, go TO
the Country.-DetrOit Free Press.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
..I'm a Tar-Heel, Mr.. President"

HG&Eiagoa Lettcr in ne Baltimore American.
Mrs. Folsom was greatly interested in
the different modes of Misunderstanding, and
seemed extremely proud OF her sOn-in-law
as he shook the people OIL in his remarkable,
speedy manner. The North CarOlinians
generally exclaimed, Pm a tar heel, Mr..
President" and he would laugh and say,
Glad to see you" There were q lot Of
babies in the crowd and many children and
and any number OF brides and grooms.
Several stopped to speak to him, and a
party of four ladies from Ohio had q
pleasant little chat. He said he was al
was glad to see Ohio people. Among the
last was a fond father carrying a baby in
his arms. The President chuchedit under
the chin, and said: Il hardly think you'll
remember me" and then the father and
mother laughed,
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
Slrauye Habits.
Hnr4LS MIlr-,nr.

AfNHN * : aANN.h-AN~s
The late Professor Greene, author OF
Greene's Analysis and the English Gram
mar. with which so many have wrestled IN
their school days, wis II OF the most
Genial and fatherly Of men. During the
latter wears of his life he was professor OF
mathematics and astronomy ina New Eng
land college. Thare was in one OF MS
classes a somewhat slOw-witted though
studious yoang man, whom we may call
Tones. on a certain accession, after Jones
had repeated e~arcfully the textbook state,
mpnts about the effects of the motions OF
the earth. and was trying to remember
what came next in the book tine professor
i~nterpOSed with:
''Were you ever in the shadow OF the
earth, Mr.. Jones?"
Jones (slOwly)-"No, sir
Professor-"Where do you spend your
nights, sir?'
ZONES didn't want tO tell.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
Drinking with the Goat.


The Primative Baptists had a thrce-days'
meeting at Harmony Church in Sumter
county, last week. Peace, harmony and
good will to all men, prevailed for Il
season. The spirit of food seemed to lingeT
with some; hut old Satan-nOtsO typically
pictured, a snake, but a devilish goat-de,
strOyed the Eden-like pleasure OF some,
The last day had come for the meeting.
Dinner was over; when n lady requested i
roloyed boy to get a bucket of water.
Ebony complied; put the bucket of water
convenient, and went to learn the story OF
David and Uriah. All through the Ser
vices a Sir William Goat had pCnsively
watched the proceeding Of the meeting and
seemed to enjoy them. Seeing the bucket,
he pOked his nose and beard into it and
took q long draught, then, turning to the
lady, winked his of eye and seemed to say
We're having a deviltsh good time; lets
have a romp." 'TShOO! YOU old goat and
she ran ut him with \ stick and the goat
"shOocd." While this episode was tran,
spring Thirsty gentleman stepped up to the
bucket and drank some of the water, know,
ing nothing of the goat having used it,
The lady did not see him, hut said
Ebony, bring me another bucket of water
this old goat has drank from this Die"
The man heard her and his wrath Wa
terrible, but he kept his jaw, for a thirsty
preacher approached the bucket for 4 drink
hut the woman said: Nay, for the sheer
drink not with the goat, " and explained,
The wrathful man, knowing that he was Z
sinner thought himself alluded to, and
sought his wife and left.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
Mrs. John Bigelow and the Queen,

N|NN A'E+f Wv 1870 '
Mrs. John Bigelow, of.Ncw York, sailed
from Harve to-day on The Champagne,
with Mrs. DR.. j. c. Aver. Mrs. Aver
brought 4 party of six over with her, one
OF them being DR.. Long, of Philadelphia,
her physician. They have been all over
Europe, S,and wherever they have gone peo-
pie have not failed 10 discover that Mrs.
Aver is a very rich woman. Recently they
have been stopping at the Hotel Continent
tai, Paris. Mrs. Bigelow made a short
visit to England, n object being to send
to the Queen q volume of poems on the
Queens accession, coronation and mar
rage, that had been published years ago
in American newspapers and magazines.
Mrs. Bigelow received a most gracious
reply from Her Majesty acknowledging
the gift. She knows nearly all the diStin-
guiShed persons on this side, and none of
them who have seen her tail to remember
her
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
..rhe F.ith Of a LittIe Child"

PftSbEgy Post
At a certain country church 1t was de-
ci5cdb nv the members 10 assemble together
ut given time TO pray forrain, which was
b,dIy needed for the growing crops. Az
the appointed hour the people began 70
o,t6er. and one little fellow came trudging
mn with an umbrella almost rs hlg rs
himself.
.sWhat did you bring that Tor, young
ster9'' some Que asked. witha smile. ,
isSo's l Iwouldn't get wet going home, %
was the confident reply.
IL Is safe to say that no one IN t9e lA'Ss
gathering had come SIMILARLY provided, ana
that not a housewife of them all q SCI
out her tubs aud pans to catch the nam
water as it would pour from the rooi III
answer to the ascending petition.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
SECRET.
The Hideous Reminder Of a Terrible Trag-
edy In Egypt.

edy In Egypt.
C1hro BAtsy ia re NSS Fork Tribune.
DO YOU see that tall, handsome man
now talking to his HighneSS?" inquired an
old diplomat of me at one of the State
halls given by the Khedive of Egyptin his
fairy Summer palace OF Gezireh, on the
banks of the Nile
''What," said 1, do you mean MuSta-
pha Pacha F., the Cabinet Minister
''Yes; and have you noticed that his
right hand is always glOyed? Look at it
now. He is the only man in this room
wearing q glove on that hand, which Is
contrary to al etiquette. If he were to
remove it you would perceive an ugly kind
of semi-circular scar. In 1876 the English
Government alarmed at the khedive's
terrible extravaganza and repeated appeals
to the European money markets, sent.Out
to Egypt q special mission to inquire into
the state OF the finances of the country"
I'm the short space of ten years over
$500, 0O0, GEO had been borrowed by the
| Egyptian Government, and fthis immense
sum only $500, 600, 900 had found its way
Into the State Treasury. WHIST had be
come Of the balances? Two people
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17

into which the great Frenchman's memory
has fallen in the neighborhood, and says
that not a photograph or any memento of
Of him is to be found there. "How unlike
Shakespeare" he exclaims. Whereas
Stratford is full of the British bard, at
Ferney the name of Votaire appears almost
forgotten"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
Esrnne.

". W. Reed, druggist, Of Winchester,
Ind, writes: Zone of my customers, Mrs
Louisa Pike, B~artOnia, Randolph county,
Ind, was q long sufferer with eonsump
ton, and was given up to die by her phys
icians. She heard of Dr. Kings New Dis
covery for Consumption, and began buy
ing it Of nae. In six months time sht
walked to this city, a distance of si1
miles, and is now so much improved thai
she has quit using it. She says she owe
her life TO its
Free Trial Bottles at Logan & Co..
Drug Store.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
Bismarck and the Burgomaster.

TUT LvFtEI nc "0FVW T ""'
Prince Bismarck, deayed at q railroad
station between Franzensbad and Berlin,
at Reichenbach, inquired OF the burgo-
master of the place if the sausages and the
beer were good. Having been answered in
the affirmative, the b~urgomaster said:
There has been a fear of war, but it is not
yet so near, is it Excellency?" God
preserve US far from it, " said the Chancellor:
you have time enough yet to read Goethe's
tEonct -
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
How a Red Squirrel Played the Craven.
IclristDn lHcl Journal.

The queerest sight | ever saw in the
early morning was one that | CHANGED to
see one day last week. said a Lewiston
man Friday. 81 was going to workat $40
and was walking down Lisbon street.
Across the street i heard a great chatter
among the English sparrows, and there,
e Paurs Block, was a red squirrel sit
ting on his launches fairly surrounded by
English sparrows lowering over his head.
The squirrel seemed frightened. II would
run a rod and stop. Every time he stop
ped the sparrows surrounded him again.
| watched them from there TO the corner OF
Ash,strect. The sparrows seemed to pick
at him. When they reached the corner OF
Ash street the bark of n dog broke in and
the squirrel scooted down an alley"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
He Smotc the bug Hip and Thigh.

| had the worst fight | ever had in my
life on account of hole in my pocket. One
rainy night | rented an umbrella at the
Southern Hotel and started out to find an
important witness in a case | had on hand,
and to find him had to 20 into an allcyway.
Just as | got into u very dark place | felt
something warm on my leginside my pants
and Just above my shoe. 1t was I'M dirty
old place. | Immediately conCludedit was
a rat that had gone up my leg. | closed
my umbrella and hopping about on one
leg while ] held the other one out, |
pounded my leg until | broke the umbrella
to pieces. Then | put my hand down and
covered the object with one hand while |
leaned up against a wall and carefully put
my other hand on my pants leg until |
grbbed it firmly. | drew ii out. 1t was
my fine gold watch, battered and broken
to smithcreens. | was awfully relieved,
but was awfully mad. There | was with
a leg beaten black and blue, and %dreadfully
sore, a broken watch, u broken umbrella,
my hat out in the gutter il the mud, and
my feelings shattered. My watch had
slipped down my leg through a hole in
the pOCkrt.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
Wanted Ouinine.
Merchant TrGralr

Give me about a dollar'n-a-halfs
worth of quinine," said a sad-looking
young man TO TO the druggist
why, what do you want so much for?'
'WeD, you see, I've been around TO see
my girl and I've got the worst case oil
shake | ever heard of. Make that even
two dollars worth, will you"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17

alone could tell. One was the Khedive
himself, and the other his minister of
finance, Mustapha Pacha Sadyk, the most
powerful man in Egypt. 1t is impossible
to conceive the enormous wealth of the
latter. Large tracts of country belonged
TO him and he had the right of coming
money in his own name. His splendor
and magniticence were unequaled in the
East. His harem of over 5000 women
occupied the three immense palaces in
which now all the Government offices are
located, and he had a special body guard
in his seradlio of over 400 superb amazons,
who, in state of occasions, dOnned armor
aud helmets of pure silver. The English
euvoys devoted all their energies to win
him out from the Khedive. 1t appears
that they were about to succeed.
Late M night in June Mr.. Julius
Blum, confidential secretary and factotum
of the Minister of Finance informed the
Khedive that the Minister had been o
over by the English ENJOYS, and in order
to save his own position he had determin-
ed to turn Kings evidence and to reveal
TO them on the following Saturday. the
whole of his Highness' financial transac-
tions. The next day was Friday, the
Mohammedan Sabbath. After performing
his devotions at the mosque, the Khedive
proceeded in an open victoria to the palace
of Mustapha Pacha Sadyk and invited that
minister to accompany him on his usual
afternoon drive; and pleasantly chatting
together they drove TO the Palace of Gezi-
reh. On alighting at that door the khe-
dive, turning to his minister, invited him
to supper on board the vice-regal yacht
which is moored in midstream. The min
lister, accompanied by the Khedive's sons
embarked and was rOwed off TO the yacht.
A merry evening was spent on board, the
whole ship being illuminated, and occa-
sional snatches of musicand laughter being
waited over to the shore. About II o'clock
the Khedive and Princes returned alone,
leaving on board the minister with the
two vice-regal chamberlains, Mustapha
Bey F. and Saml Bey BarOudi. Shortly
afterwards the sounds of a short scufie
on deck Were heard by the people on shore,
and then all was quiet and the lights were
extinguished on board. Soon after mid
night the yacht cut loose from her moor
ings and glided nOiselessly up the stream
toward the first cataract. Nothing more
was ever seen in this world OF Mustapha
Pa"ha Sadyk.
ION the next day Il decree was issued
stating that the Khedive had banished
his Minister of Finance to
Upper Egypt for having dared to Cypress
his much-lOved subjects etc, etc. Four
days later the yacht returned to her moor
ings Oft the Gezireh Palace, and when the
two Chamberlains above referred to resum-
ed their service it was noticed that Sami
Bey wore IL handkerchief round his throat
us if to Ii de some wound on his neck, and
that Mustapha Bey F. had his right hand
in a sling"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
RemarkabIo FnrII.h OpIuion..

The London Academy presents some
remarkable revised judgments OF famous
Americans. Daniel Webster, IL seems,
died not, indeed, in o~bscurty, or alto
gether %unmourned, but little honored."
As for Abraham Lincoln, 1T Is easy 70
Dverestimate his worth. He was honest
and he was energetic, but in no sense was
he n truly strong man." while Grant was
greater as a man than as n general
Chicago Journal.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
IL wasn't True Music.

WFT"IIW ITUITUI.
{. ..Were you at the concert last night;
smith, inquired Bower who is q real
swell, symphony. upper e musician.
eyes, 7 was there"
How did you like my latest compost
tiOn?' :.
1T was fine. Why, n portion OF IL
has been running through my head ever
since"
SGreat Heavens! You don't mean 10
sav yon could remember any of it!' SAID
iSangs II at once. Why, if any OF my
musician friends should hear OF u thSy
would expel me from the musical eiuo'
right off,"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
End Of Rome scraping.

Edward Shepherd, Of Harrisburg H.,
says Having received so much benefit
from Electric Bitters, / feel it my duty to
let suffering humanity know it Have
had a running sore on my leg for eight
years; my doctors told me | would have to
have the bone scraped or leg a~mputated.
used, instead, three bottles Of Electric Bit
tiers and seven boxes Bucklen,s Arnica
Salve, snd my leg is now sound and well.'
Electric Bitters are sold at fifty cents a
bottle, and Bucklen's Arnica Salve at 25c.
per box, by Logan x Co
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
A Counts Permissible Pan.
Chicaoo TnbnRc.

Some of those quiet ranches contain peo-
pie who disdain any claim to humility.
In the central part of Kansas lives, on a
w~ell-stOcked, modest ranch, a tall, sol
dierly, white-haired gentleman, with
grave, elegant manner and a tluency with
which his limited English cannot keep
pace. His name, even if it could be re-
membered, is much too long to print in a
paper where the space is valuable, but he
is a Frenchman who says Of himself, with
a vivacious toss of his hands:
In France l was a Count: in America
no accnnntnl
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
BALLET GIRLS.
q" "'.',r, o'thc Agile NuunG Woman
Ia light, and GauIe.

..'f' N' IHt Agiir Auuns woman
l Ia light and Gaule.
f.a' u, T,n-.,
'-i D,msS oil the ballet girls?''
'4.g,ma,Jyr repeated the question
We'll h, answered at length
..' -0r. Is not 81 very unlike
"a' must work Tor a living ~
imagine. She has more temp
/ usually OF p lively nature and
20 u .Jrk. hut she generally
a.fryla- A. a rule, she marries
We connected with the theatre or
" ..ruwu class OF life whom she
a-s HaHtr. Obviously the ballet
..' arc almost always poor peO-
'' often TINT grlS OF we'll TODD
l'a. to Join the ballet, aud
alin'y Irc ,u nearly every CIse
f and taken home. When a
a'.a., @ G!"rIUu.r. or 4 saloon
" >l-r hand. IL Is theezceptIOn
"N aut nuke = good domestic
gigi> hive made arlstOcratic
sit most ut these girls are pre-
'lrE have uSnIlly gotten along
,ar.r Hl-I4udS, aud it has hap
Last youth hIS reformed after
~.,e.'aI Tor his wife. When q
'~-'G..rS an actor. that il rs it
, 3l;>t Us II the actor married
-.I. There are ballet girls who
''', d. rnuTse. put the experience
-Ht makes her Shrewd and
EASILY humbugged. The pre-
themselves UluOf, and with the
mere Is seldom 4 suspicion Of
"". ID. Ia, girls are the chief
"'r'g families. | have known
MT Only 10 make their own
,lrlr shoes As we'll. They do
! '4er Business Us an immOdest
'vIn 1t 80 early that they
HS OF their short dresses. To
.'' ale girls who 90 in scanty
'.asons OF their own, which you
i' hut | speak Of the great
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
How Do You Do in Various Languages
Chicago Liriag Ch4reh.

ChlcIgO LtttNg C"9,'"
GLOW do you do" That's English
American. fHow do you carry yourself
Tbat's French. How do You stand.
That,s italian. i'How do you ind your
slip, That's German "How do you
Se-ssp THAT'S Dutch. Show can YOU
Tbot,s svedish. "How do You persplres
That's FTygtiaa. 9How is your stomaSn
Have Won eaten your rice" That's Ghi-
10 ;sHoW DO YOU have yourselfF'2 That's
Polish. "How do you live onf thSt !
Russian. "May thy shadow never "
lesse1 That's Persiaa-snd they ~ mean
much the same thing.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
silly Girls Who Count Seven star,.

HlrpeT's Weehg
Two Western girls having heard that If
any one counted seven stars on seven con-
secutive nights, and on the seventh night
also had a dream, the dream would surely
"come to pass" were perplexed and hor-
rified on comparing notes after the OBJ
servance and occurrence of everything pre-
eisely in accordance with the rule, to learn
that one of them was to be married to the
Emperor of New Jersey, and that the other
was to be made into wine jelly for a picnic;
and run into mOulds representing Bunker
Hill Monument and the Central Park
Obelisk.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
ne Young ~'2Iergyman'S First Wedding FeO
Chicago Inter- OCEAN.

TSc Young clergyman IirSt heuhillS L ee,
Chicago Inter- OCEAN.
1t was their first wedding. The groom
was new so was the bride, and the
Congregational clergyman had committed
matrimOny only in his imagination.
Finally, however, it wasall over, the twain
was one flesh, and the little wife was
weeping in the arms of her mother. The
groom slipped up to the nervous minister,
aud as that gentleman wa about to pass
out into the night, pressed u coin into his
hand.
"A $50 gold piece thought the young
preacher. His heart beat faster now than
when he was officiating at the wedding.
lie needed the money so much. Indeed,
he often wished his meagre salary was
only half its size. he had SO much difficulty
in collecting it. And 0 to receive so
all at once. Why it Then it occurred
to him that it was customary for the minis.
ter to make the bride a present of his first
marriage fee. The good man sighed as he
removed his thin overcOat aud returned Ia
the room where the guests were Offering
their congratulations to the newly welded
couple.
II forgot something said he, as he APP
approached tue bride. This is the first
marriage fee | have ever received. 1t is
yours. 1t should De kept as u reminder OF
this OCCASION
The young bride stretched out her hand
and the cOiu rang rs it touched the mar,
riage ring. The guests looked up; the I'M
conscious bride did not clese hep hand upon
the ifty-cent cent piece that lay there, and
all saw it. The minister wa glad it was
his first marriage; the guests tried to
appear as if they did not see the half dol,
lar, and the reporter quietly smiled and
thought perhaps the young husband was
saving up to buy the divorce.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-10-17
The Way Bismarck Pushed His Point.
Plris Eqaro.

An interesting and Characteristic aneedote
of Bismarck's early career in diplomacy is
given. He was Prussian minister TO the
German Confederation which sat at Frank
ford. In the house in which he lodged
ther was no bell, and he intimated to the
proprietor the necessity OF establishing
such means of communication. The pro-
prietor refused, as it was mot so nominated
in the bond" or contract. By-and-by a
pistol shot was heard in Bismarck's room.
The affrighted proprietor hurried into the
room to find out what the disaster was.
Don't disturb yourself" said Bismarck;
''this is to call my servant As there is
no bell l will hencefOrward employ this
method of summoning him. The bell
was supplied, and the shooting ceased.