davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
His Wit Saved Him.

The following story is told of the individual
who had long officiated as the gardener at the
presidential mansion in Washington:
President Cleveland had heard rumors that
the gardener was drunk and unciyil to Wis
itors at the White House, so one bright morn
ing he summoned him into his presence to re-
ceive his dismissal.
Jenny" said the president ~ hear bad
stories about you. It is said you are con-
stantly drunk and unciviI to visitors"
Jenny was puzzled for reply. AT last
he said:
"Mr. Prisidint be dad L hear much worse
stories about you, but DO you think believe
them? No, by the powers, 1 know they are
lies w ashington Capital.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
On THE EEAC5.

ON l1- bEEOr..
am toxins lat--. l..-.-3.
For I Thought ir a.. was settled,
And that Lapplaes= YVES cutie within M
rezrl.
As / sat With zrabel-a,
Oh, such a happy feler,
Under her umbrella
On the beach
As said I'm feeling nettled,
For fear It isn't settled,
And I'm longing now 20 tear my hair s1@
screech,
For there sits ny Arabella
And she's got sm other feler
Under her umbrella,
Out Of reach,
Roland King Ia Life.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
Portrait of the Presidents Wife.

There have already been several applica-
tons from artists who want TO paint the pOr-
trait OF the presidents bride 1t has been the
custom to adorn the walls of the White House
with portraits Of presidents and their wives,
and there are full set of the former, but the
ladies' faces are very few. Mrs. Polk, Mrs.
Tyler, Mrs. Madison, Mrs. Washington Mrs
Hayes and Mrs Grant are the only ones that
are represented, but Mrs. Cleveland will not
leave without having her beautiful face and
figure left upon the walls.-W ashington Let
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
A c D 7.

] had a sailor uncle once
Who loved a briny breeze,
And, though at school almost a Ounce,
He fiourished on the c-c-c.
He joined the loyal navy, when
The squadron took a prize;
And, fighting in the Terrapin,
A fuse put out his iii
But surgeons skill and doctors stuff
Worked wonders for his views;
And now his sight is good enough
For any man to u-u-u.
Ungrateful nations Boon forget
Their friends, as well as foes,
But he's in hopes the world may yet
Grant the reward il 600.
And now retired, secure from harm,
He keeps his hive Of bib,
And happy, on his little farm
Contented, takes his e-e-e.
Good Cheer.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
AM n - srsnIss.-

Farmer Ito country minister)-I kin BRING
you i'll couple of bushels of apples, dominic
if you'd like EN- I've got a lot Of 'em goin
to rot.
Minister-Thanks, Mr.. Hayseed; 1 would
be very glad to get them. Have you ever
tried feeding them to the hogsl 7 hc1- they
are very fattening.
Fermer-Tes, I've offered 'em to the hos
but they won't touch 'cM.--HarpeT's Bazar.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
IN. One Ia. Been Canonized.

OF all the men and women who have
labored for the Roman Catholic church in
America but one has been canonized, st.
Rose, OF Lima, South Aperica.-Intsr-
Ocean.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
THE SUCCESSFUL POLITICIAN.

THE SUCCESSFUL TOLI IOI1N.
A popular man must be easy and affable, and
never do anything loutish OF laughable,
must live without friction, be plain in
his diction, and like good fellow, pay
up his subscription.
He must keep a glad mean between gayness
and gravity, and keep well concealed
all his native depravity; spend cash
rich and regal, do nothing Illegal, and
keep his eye peeled like bald -headed
eagle.
In drawing room circles he must behave
proper, and not blunder round like q
lumb'ring clodhopper, be polite to the
ladies-sweet Susans and Sadies-and
never raise Cain, nor confusion, nor
Hades.-S. ". FOss in Tid-Bits.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15

Lime Cartridges for Blasting Purpose
Lime cartridges are coming into use f.
blasting purposes A hole is bored, Il
Timed cartridge inserted, and water
poured over it. The increase in volume d,
the slaked lime splits and cracks the sui
stance which it is desired TO blast In E
Ocean
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
The Secret Of Cheap cigars.

A firm of Come ,tiCut cigar manufacture
who have been undressing rivals, eNp.a.
that the use of cheap tobacco in the moIti
end Of cigar is the secret Of it all Tie,
claim that the smoker throws the ciga
away before the fire has reached the poo
tobacco Chicago Times
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
ADVERTISEMENTS
REWARD.

GONE PAPERS WE'RE LOST FROM WILSON'S
y horse-shoeinE shop, which are OF 10 value
20 any person but the owner The above named
reward Will Be paid for their delivery At this Of
See, and 10 questions asked. They consist OF
letters, parchueEts, and discharge from the
British army, bearing the owners name.
25l declg
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
RreTities.

Why don't some enterprising newspaper
correspondent interview a ballet girl about
tine mound builders?- Merchant Traveller
Bjornstjerne Bjornson has gjorn black ito
wards Norway, where he expects to spjend
the summer Don't STOP him.-Boston
Record.
as that dog ferocipusf" said a traveller to
an Arkansaw man. NO, he amt ferocious
but he's the darndest dog ter bite ever you
seed."-GoodaIrs Chicago Sun.
Mr.. Talmage thinks that newspaper men
are miserable. Some of them are not. Some
of them are dead, Mr.. Talmage
Traveller.
a porous plaster has been boycOtted. We
defy the best organized boycott III America to
discourage porous plaster after five minutes
start.-Burlington Free Press.
At the earnest request Of the students OF
Harvard college compulsory prayers IN that
institution have been abandoned. This will
give the students more time to devote TO
baseball, English history, boat rowing and
other brain work-Norristown Herald.
Biggs says he has been experimenting with
half dozen different typewnters, but he
hasn't found one that is good for any thing.
They are all alike, he says, the COMPOUNDED
things print well enough, but they don't
spell one word in ten correctly.-BostoD
Transcript
A big grindstone with a treadle has been
introduced for the use of farmers, and the
farmers 14-year-old son now smiles when he
sees his father going to work TO put an edge
on the old ak He knows that the old man,
when he has to turn the blasted thing him
self, will not bear on with a pressure equal
to a weight of 1900 tons.--Eorristown
Herald.
A gentleman entered telegraph Office. Il
beg pardon, but as l was coming along
this afternoon I saw myriads Of flies settled on
your wires Can you suggest any explana-
tionf' about what time was it, sir"
about o'clock" "Ah! that accounts for it;
that's the time I send the quotations TO- sugar
and honey French Joke
Creditor-Can you let me have my little
billi
Certainly, but don't destroy it l
may want to pay something on it in the
futu It'd Bits
A l advertised for a wife, his sis
ter answered the s4'e~tisement, and now the
young man thinks thel- is no balm in adver-
tisements, while the old folks think it's hard
to have two fools in the family-Buffalo
COmmeTcial-Advertiser.
The Norristown Herald wants the Concord
school of philosophy 70 explain why all the
poisoned ice cream finds its way TO the Sun
day school festival 1t is a question of
theology rather than philosophy; and we beg
to hastily suggest, previous to escaping from
the impending discussion, that the response
bility lies between the devil and the amateur
manufacturer Judge
Everything seems to grow in this country
except me, said the stranger sadly. Who
are your was asked with much sympathy.
Alas, cruel fate," was the mournful reply
u am a New York monument fund. Wash
ington Hatchet.
= Race OF Bald Heads.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
\. CURRY & BROTHER.

IMPORTERS AND DEALERS IN SHOT
/ guns Rifles and Pistols, Colt Winchester,
Kennedy and Martin Magazine Rifles. Reming
ton Sharps and Ballard sporting Rifles. Agents
for w. W. GreeHer. Colt, Parker and Remington
Breech-loading Double Guns, Colt and smith &
Wesson Pistols. y. CURRY & BRO., I13 San
some street. San Francisco Cal 16-ly
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15

PACIFIC
Commercial Advertiser
STEAM BOOK AND JOB
PRINTING OFFICE
IS prepared to do all kinds
Commercial & Legal Work
Having just Received Complete and New
Assortment of
Job Types and Ornaments
OF the Latest STYLES, from the most Cele
brated Foundries of the United States.
and employing only Experienced
and Tasty WOrkmen. we are
prepared to turn out
Letter Heads.
Bill Heads.
Circulars.
Note Heads.
Statements.
Bills of LadiHR,
Contracts,
Mortgage Blanks.
Leases,
Shipping Contracts,
I'm Hawaiian d Englishl
calendars.
Blank Checks,
stock Certificates.
business Cards.
Zeal Checks,
Mir Tickets,
Bank Checks
Orders,
Receipts,
Marriage Certificates.
Diplomas.
Catalogues,
Plotting Pads
And in fact everything which a frst-class
office can do
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
WILDER'S STEAMSHIP CO.,
IiKnit%sI.
STEAMER KINAU,
CLorenzen, Commander

''+ute''|e'i' '"Ii'ii'1ii"''l
Leaves Honolulu as per following schedule,
touching at Lahaina, Maalaea, MAIZENA,, MANU-
kOna, Kaw aIhae LaupenOehOe. HIO and keauhou:
Commencing MONDA Y, July &c, 1856, and
every alternate Monday at p. m, the hinau
VIII make the VOLCANO TRIP, reaching Keau-
hou on Wednesday morning, where horses and
carriages are in waiting to convey passengers TO
the VOLCANO HOUSE (tve miles in the saddle
and nine miles by CarriageJ.
Passengers by this route viii have two days
and two nights at the VOLCANO HOUSE.
TICKETS FOR THE ROUND TRIP TO THE
VOLCANO, FIFTY DOLLARS, WHICH PA vs.
ALL CHARGES.
The Khan will arrive i'll Honolulu Sunday
mornings on Volcano trips. On HilO trips will
morning.
PASSENGER TRAINS viii connect with the
KInau at MahukOua
The Kinau WILL TOUCH at HOnokaia and
Paauhau on down trips from Hilo for Passengers
u a signal is made from the shore.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
TO LET.

t PALAMA-TWO NICE COTTAGES N RO-
n beIlo Lane for $50 and so per month
spectively. Inquire at Hyman Bros, Queen
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
a ssignee y office.

u APAu having made assignment to HY-
u. MAN BROS. for the benefit Of his creditors.
all persons having any claims against said c.
APAII are hereby notified to present them with
proper vouchers at the Office Of the undersigned,
and all persons owing to said c. APAII, or hay-
ing any property Of his in their possession, are
hereby notified to make payne at and account g
at once to the undersi ned. All claims not pre-
scented within six months from publication will
be forever barred.
LYMAN BROS.
Honolulu November 30, 1896. 800 jan1
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
STEAMER MOKOLII,

t1IcGregor, Commander.
Leaves for the following ports every alternate
Monday at p. m:
Commencing August ITO Lanai, kamalo, PU-
koO Iahaina. OlOwalu. Returning to Lahaina,
Pukoo, Kamalo, Lanai, arriving at Honolulu Sat
urday morning.
Com nencing August 9-TO Raunakakai, Kama
10, PukOO, Halawa. Wailau, PeleKunu, kalaupapa.
Returning to PukoO, Lahaina. OlowalU, Lahsina
Pu<OO, KamaIO, Kaunakakai, arriving at Homo
lulu Saturday morning.
EE- The Company will not be responsible Tor
any freight packages unless rCceipted for nor
for personal baggage unless plainly marked. Not
responsible for money or jewelry unless placed In
barge Of the Purser.
All possible care will he taken OF Live Stock but
the Com pany will not assume any risk Of accident.
SAM'L G. WILDER, President.
=. b. ROSE, Secretary.
OFFICE-Corner Fort and Queen streets.
6S-Iy Mar 80
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-12-15
3 Kace I'D HaId Heads.

A race Of hairless Americans 10 tire
ened 1t has been estimated that alread
one-half the adult men of American birtI
living III our cities are bald, and baldne ;
extremely liable TO be prOpagatel in the
male line, ami to appear a little earlier II
each successive generatiOn.-BOstOn Budget
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17
FROM LOCKHART.
CHEERING CROP REPORTS-RAIL
ROAD WANTED.

LoCKHART, June 8, 1886.
Special Correspondence to the statesman.
The recent rains have given farmers an
opportunity to go over their crops again.
Cotton never looked better at this season,
and corn insures good crop from the
recent rains. Oats made good turnout.
Our town has decided on having water
supply, and joint stock company has
been formed for that purpose sufficient.
A subscription has been taken to insure
success, and work will begin at once.
Jordan Institute has closed successful
session, and talk of establishing another
school is also INDUCED in, as there is
plenty of material for another without
interfering with the one now in existence.
Our people are yet very anxious for
railroad, but re undetermined as to what
point to try to secure one from. A road
from Austin we think would be preferable,
as the trade with that place is gradually
being diverted. Our lumber yard now
secures all its supply via Kyle, and cotton
is being shipped that way and via Luling
which takes all except local freighting
from Austin. A road from which place
south through Lockhart would pay, be-
sides our people would give larger bonus
to it than any other road.
The mail line from this place to Austin
will be changed on the LIST of next month
to go via Kyle, and daily stage run with
an EXPRESS line.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17
A CARD FROM FELIX SMITH.
AUSTIN, Tex, June 10, 1886.


To the Statesman.
The STATESMAN of Wednesday asks me
if did not promise TO give my support
to Mr.. L. W. Smith for the Legislature,
and in answer, will state that l have
said about as much to other aspirants for
Legislative honors for the last six or eight
years.
To Messrs. L. w. Smith, the Gileses, g.
w. Walling, and others, have promised,
when it was suggested, that their acquaint-
ance was not general enough o,,f the
county; that would go with them, and, if
necessary, make canvass for them.
have attended none of the primaries,
and Mr.. E. w. Smith has, so far, not in
vited me to 90 with him to any of the
gatherings.
Perhaps may not know as much about
the candidacy of Mr.. Smith as others, but
thought he was candidate called out by
citizens north of the river, and that as a
supporter of the Hon. A. W. Terrell, or Of
any particular person for the United
States senate, which do not think is the
true policy in this county, which is SO
closely divided, and powerfully uncertain
as to democratic or opposition success.
My idea is not to divide the democrats
of Travis county before the county con-
vention, when there would be no objection
to expressing preference for United States
senator.
by impression is, that good, local self
government is FIRST, and as there are so
many honorable and capable democrats
who would make excellent United Statss
senators, that the expression of oar
choice before the meeting of the cednty
convention is secondary, if not lpIema
ture and impolitic.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17

Yesterday Acknowledgement Templeton
wrote the following letter, which explains
itself:
ATTORNEY GENERALS OFFICE,
AUSTIN, June TO- 1886.
JAo. o b. Street, Esq, County Surveyor, Mobeete,
Wheeler County, Texas
DEAR SIR:-I have seen the statement in
the public prints, that some one is about
starting from here to the Panhandle for
the purpose of locating certificates in
Greer county. l beg to enter
PROTEST
with you against your doing anything in
aid of such locations, for there is no more
authority for locating them there, veteran
or any other kind of certificates, and
veterans no more than any other kind,
than there is on patented land In the county
of Travis, and the locations can only be
productive of lobbying, trouble, confusion
and litigation.
l made partial preparations some
months ago to institute suit, or suits,
to cancel the patents that had been then
issued for
GREER COUNTY
land, but was urged to wait reasonable
time for the action of the boundary com
mission, for should it decide the issue
against the claims of the state of Texas to
the territory of Greer county, the claims
of the patentees would of course fall with
it, and they would be saved the very con-
siderable expense of defending the con-
templateo suits. / did not then suppose
that
| FURTHER ATTEMPTS
would be made to appropriate the land
situated in the county, which was long ago
expressly reserved from location and set
apart for specific purposes. To receive
the certificates and make the surveys, is
to crowd the next legislature with lobby.
think have the right to make this pro-
test, because it seems to be useless
to institute suits for the purpose
of cancelling illegal locations and
patents, if the locations are to continue
to be made, and patents to be issued.
write this to you with reference to no
! MANS CANDIDACY
FOR any Office, and only to prevent what
conceive to be threatened public wrong.
Please let me know by wire what you
propose to do, for if locations are to
be persisted in, shall take steps to pre-
vent them, have the honor to be,
Very respectfully,
JOHN d. TEMPLEToN,
Attorney General.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17
HAYS COUNTY.
THE LATE RAINS-A TERRELL
MAN,

Special Correspondence of the Statesman.
DRIPPING SPRINGS, June s.
On the third inst. we had a fine shower
of rain, the first since April; and again, on
the 9Th, we had rain till we cried enough"
The extent visited by these much needed
rains was not large Crops here had not
materially suffered by the drouth. Corn
has all along been of dark green, healthy
appearance, and growing moderately well.
Now, a good yield is assured. sincerely
sympathize with all those who are left in
the dry.
Grass is fine, and stock water abundant.
Now. by the way, fatte1 myself that
this vicinity for pastoral and agricultural
pursuits combined, is not surpassed in all
Texas. Good grass, always an abundance
of good water, and plenty of fertile, tilla-
bic land.
In closing, permit me to voice the voters
in this community by saying that l will
support no man for the Legislature who is
not unqualifedly pledged for Terrell.
Very truly yours,
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17
THE FEET SHOULD GO FIRST.

oI' 4 uul OloDcs
A physician, referring to the custom of
travelling on sleeping cars with the berths
made up with their heads toward the en-
CINE, said at is certainly bad for the
brain of the sleeper, as it is not natural;
and it is no wonder that so many travel
ers, especially those who have been on the
road extensively, experience bad effects
from it. 1t is true that when man
Jumps as into the water he goes head
first, but then it is not long continued,
nor unduly excites the brain. Take in
fants in baby carriages, and no sane
woman will think of trundling the vehicle
along SO the child goes head first. They
always, except the young and inexperi-
enced mother, push them along feet first.
Physicians invariably advise such locomo-
ton. 1t is the same thing on the cars,
and no one should hesitate about having
ing his berth made up so as to move
along feet fret 1t is much better for the
BRAIN
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17
ARTESlAN WELLS.
THE DIFFICULTIES OF BORING
HUNDREDS OF FEET.
PHILADELPHIA Bulletin.

Philadelphia Bulletin.
II has been remarked from time to time
that artesian wells are multiplying IN
large numbers, especially in large cities,
where the water is at times, or all the
time, quite unfit for domestic purposes,
and where large factories find the meter
charges and tax too expensive, Amongst
the latter class it has been proven by ex-
pertinent that an artesian wei soon re.
pays its cost, with interest but an lt ps,'
the former class it is luxury when can
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17

have thoroughly repaired the Barton
springs mill and will grind for reason
able toll Also have first-class hominy
and gritz mill, and will furnish the trade
with fresh goods daily at reduced prices.
Jacob Stern, Alb Z. Pecan.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17
AnyIcE .ru MOrHE ns.

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup should
always be used for children teething. 1t
soothes the child, softens the gums, al
lays all pain, cures wind cohc, and is the
best remedy for diarrhea. 25c. bottle.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17

The students in the State Female col
lege of Mississippi are making wonderful
progress in stenography. 1t is said that
several of them are able to make very fair
verbatim reports of the sermons of Sam
Small.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17

The young English authoress, Edna
Lyall, has devoted the profits of her first
three novels to the purchase of THREE bells,
which have been added to fine peal of
eight bells and named for the heroes in her
books,
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17

The paper on which The STATESMAN is
printed diminished by the Graham Paper
Co., StLouis.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17

anime and select from our very SUI
perior new books.
Song Greeting sy l To- G as aaS 0f
refined, melodious, high-class variety of songs for
the higher schools. 60 cents, or 81 per dozen.
Song Reader B. B. FURG sa eaTsfa made
graded instruction book for teaching the notes, Is
by practical and able men, and is full of the best
exercises ana songs. Book l, 80 cts Book 2 60 cts.
Gems for Little Singers, s Sgd E sRsyns,
is the dearest sweetest and prettest of picture
song books for little children 30 cts 50 per dozen.
For Sunday Schools, we call attention to
SOnQS of Promise T 11asf Su and pY Rev. ~ + T.
A. Hoffman, compile of the first ability A large
quantity of new SIudav School music IS cents
So per dozen.
Soma Worship F. ss o E%eFi is a aRs %
used largely and is of approved excellence IS cts
50 per dozen.
The Temperance 0Ong-ReraId,
byJ, C. Macky, is the brightest and best Temper
ance Song Book. 81 cts; $3.50 per dozen. @
Mailed for re all price.
OLIVER OLSON & 60 Boston,
C.H. DITSoN & CO.,
S67 Broadway, New York.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17

If afflicted with sore eyes, use DIR. Isaac
Thompson's eye water. Druggists, % cts.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17
CHASEss
BARlE Y
M a l. Y
WHISKY.

ich in lavor, mild and elegant in taste. 1t does
Of contain one drop of impure oil. Being genuine
jarley Malt Whisky, it possesses much nutriment,
And is a fine tonic for use in malarial sections IL
greatly prevents attacks of Pneumonia: splendid
sonic for weak lungs and feebeness Most excellent
o, drinking and purest for home use.
Ell CHASE & Co.. Distillers. Louisville, XIV.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1886-06-17
GREER COUNTY.
THE ATTORNEY : GEN ERAL
DROPS A BOMB IN A
LOCATOR'S CAMP.
NO RIGHT TO LOCATE LAND
CERTIFICATES IN GREER
COUNTY.

Yesterday Attorney; General Templeton
wrote the following letter, which explains
itself: