The Portland daily press., 1886-04-24
THE PRESS.
WIT AND WISDOM.

A certain very stylish young lady who drives a
good deal got into horse car In suburb OF Bos.
ton where She lives, the other day, wearing her
eeachman's Jacket of rather gay red cloth,
trimmed effectively with brass buttons. she was
going to make morning call on IRENE olil 4
few streets away and as she wished to show the
young lady her new Announcements, she wore nef
gay Jacket and rather striking hat when goes
with it. Scarcely had she seated herself IN lhe
car when an eager-voiced old woman sitting near
You belong to the Salvation Army, don't you?"
The swell young lady was a little startled, but
she said "naow," coldly, and turned a little away
"But you must,' persisted the old lady. "Thems
Salvation Army clothes"
Fortunately, by this time the car at her
wearer of spring fashions hurried out and ran IN
to the house, and into her friends arms where af-
fer sgood cry" she rose to sense OF the essen
TALLY funny nature of the situation.
Athlophoros has done me more good than any
thing have ever taken. was a great sufferer
from rheumatism, but since taking seven bottles
of the remedy think that am nearly or quite
cured. G. I. ellison, Dunstable. Mass.
"and Pm All worn out" siAh!,' remarked Fogg;
''a,new variety of earthern wear, eh?" Fender
SON who was present, thought 1t was mighty
good joke, and seeing Smith short time after
wards, of course he had to tell it. 81 say, Smith,,
said he, 'Fogg just got off neat thing. Brown
garden, and Fogg asked him if that wasn't new
Kind Of cr9ckery ware Wat 40 g1g sh do %
either, now; but thought did when Fogg told
For EARAcHE, Toothache, Sore Throat,
swelled Neck, and the results of cold and infam-
nation, use DR.. Thomas's Ecleetric oil-the great
pain destroyer
The United States government is now strug-
Cling with an important international question;
5Ca5 fine American fishermen buy bait in Canadian
ports?" What does the American hshermen want
with bait? Why can't he do as the gentlemen VINO
in the woods for week and then come back and
lie about the fish he didn't catch? The American an
fisherman is not fly. Ha; of course not; else he
wouldn't want bait-Burdette.
Why don't you try Carter's Little Liver Pills?
They are positive cure for sick headache and all
the ills produced by disordered Liver. Only one
pill dose.
docs person have to be familiar with spirits
who tells ghost Stories uncle?"
Certainly not, my little chap, why do you ask
such question:"
well don't you know, thought they did, and
came to the conclusion, il that was the case, you
could spin lots of yarns for me, for mother said
the other night that you had too much to do with
ardent spirits"
The uncle at this juncture INDUCES in another
Glove.
Scott's Emulsion of Pure Cod Liver
Oil with hypophosphites, for Pulmonary
Troubles. j. T. MCCALL, NJ D., Anderson, S. ca
saws: 81 consider Scott's Emulsion one of the
best preparations in the market for Pulmonary
Troubles"
Killed in Time.-A husband who had been out
shooting but had not been successful rather than
return home empty-handed, stepped into shop
There. my ducky,', he said to his wife on
reaching home, ''you see 1 am not so awkward
with the gun after ALL
Let me seer
isn't he fine fellow?'
my DEAR said the wife, as she carried the
bird to her nostrils, and put it down with grim
ace, sYou were quite right in killing him to-day
tomorrow it would have been too Late"
Yegetine is specific for all diseases of the
blood which appear in spring.
An epistle of a novel character passed through
the postoffee yesterday. The novelty conslsted
was a gentemanS linen cuff. There was nothing
Unusual in the contents which were simply dun,
couched in the following language:
'fPleaSe call around and pay your wash Dill.
Your lanndryman."
The cuff was adorned with 2-cent stamp.
In Holland, Men, c. J. DoesbrTy publishes the
Nous, and in its columns strongly recommends
Dr. Thomas Eclectric Oil for coughs colds. sore
throats, eatarrh and asthma.
The late Mr.. Ph9bus, proprietor OF the Hygea
House at Old Point Comfort, was asked shortly
before his death by prominent society lady OF
"Well" he replied, sit can accommodate 1000
SOutherners easily, 500 Westerners, with little