Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1886-10-23
The Josh Billings Papers.
INK BRATS.

thank Heaven for one thing, that thare
il not in this wide world human, or in
human being that would not rather help
than hurt | find this sentiment in mi
conscience or ] wouldn't dare claim it,
| and know mi own conscience better than
emmy boldly else duz
Better lend yure dimes to a stranger than
yure affeckshuns. Better lend yure dollars
| to emmy boldly than your dolors.
Silence IL venerable; if there IL emmy
| thing older than the Creator, it must have
been silence.
The buty ov gratitude il that beggar
kan be az grateful az a prince, and the
power ov gratitude il that thank you"
| makes the beggar equal TO the PRINCE. A
good conscience IL the best friend we kan
| hav, bad one the worst, because it never
| deserts US.
Put not oph till tomorrow what can be
enjoyed to-day.
! Married life il too often like a game ov
checllers-the crate struggle IL to get into
| the king row.
Fear makes every thing and every boldly
masters over us; it il the wust slavery
thare il.
How common it IL tew see folks laff WV
idly, without meaning emmy thing; this L
kali heat lightning.
| saw owe no man owing is but little
| We are governed more by opinyun than
we are bi conscience; this il giving up
noble prerogative, and playing very poor
| second fiddle.
The man who il striktly honest, and
nothing over, haint got anything more tew
| brag on than a pair Of steelyards haZ. sum
ov the meanest cusses ever knu had got
to be so honest, bi long praktiss, that they
| could guess at pound.
Ifa man haint got gritenuf TO stand the
| temptashun ov a gin cocktail, now kan
he fight a real difficulty when he gifts a
| chance?
Awl plezzures are lawful that don't end
in making us feel sorry.
! The man who kan be proud in the
presence ov kings, humble when he COM
| munes with himself, sassy tn poverty and
| polite to truth, IL one ov the boys.
Natur duz awl her big and little jobs
| without making emmy furse; the earth goes
| round the sun, the moon changes, the sun
eclipses and the pollywog, silently and
| tailessly, becomes a frog, but man kant
even deliver small 4th of July orashun
without knocking down mountain OF
| two, and tareing up three or four primeval
| forests by the bleeding rutes.
Duties are privileges.
Liberty iZ u Just mixture ov freedom, re-
straint and protection.
Advice IL Ike castor lie, eaZy enuH teW
give, but dreadful uneazy tew take.
A good conscience is foretaste oV
heaven.
Thare il few, if emmy, more suggestive
sights tew a philosopher, than tew lean
agin the side ov the wall and peruse q
clean, phat and well disciplined baby,
spread out on the floor trying tew smash
a hammer awl tew pieces with looking
glass.
Every man can boast ov one admirer.
If yu would be successful in correkting
the iniqutys ov the people, fire at their
vices, not at the people, the trew way Ia
abuze a drunkard IL tu brake his Jug.
Life liz punktuated paragraph, dissea-
zes are the commas, sickness the semico-
Ions, and death the full stop.
No man IL ritch who wants emmy more
thar be baz got.
Don't give outward appearances awl the
credit, the spirit ov handsum boot IL the
little tut in it.
don't beleav in bad luck being sot for
a man, like a trap. but | have known lots
ov folks, who, if there waz emmy fust rate
bad luck lying round loose would be sure
tew git one foot in it emmy how.
The man who wrote, a. would not liv
always, ask not to sta, probably never
had been urged sufficiently.
Thare IL kind ov acktive lazyness, it
works on its viktims just az the wicked flea
duz on the feelings ov an old house dog,
he hops up quick, but drops agiu sudden in
the same SPOT.