News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-30
A BATCH OF STRAY JOKES
GATHERED IN FROM ALL QUAR-
TIERS FOR ONE TO SMILE OVER.
How TO Arouse AmbitiOm-WilIie was Hun
Gry-It Stuck Like "A Postage stamp
HIOck TurtIe-A Grateful Waiter-Odds
and Ends, Etc, Etc.
AROUSING HIS AMBITION.

ARoUsING HIS AMBITION.
''The boy is all right" said the doc
tor ''but you want to talk to him anC
arouse his ambition. Promise him tina
| you will take him somewhere when h,
recovers sufficiently to go out; talk t,
him about playing tag with the boys
there are lots of ways in which you car
interest him"
Then the doctor addressed the boy
who was just recovering from a fever
saying:
"Come, Mickey, cheer up, my boy
wouldn't you like to 60 and play tal
with your playmates ?''
A faintsmile stole over the boys face
but that was all.
'Stop, sir" said the father, "I'l
arouse him. See here, Mickey" he
asked, addressing the boy, wouldn't
yez like to go out and trow a rock
through Chinevman's windy 2"
The boy Immediately sat up in bed
and asked for his trousers.
81 thought that 'ud fetch 'im," said
the father, with a proud smile, 'he's all
right, doctor dear. "-BostOn Courier.
JUDICIOUS LITTLE WILLIE.
Little Willie, who lives in suburban
district, bordered by a region where
very many poor people live, was sitting
at the side door of his fathers house one
day, eating big sugared piece of bread
| and butter which his mother had given
him, when a poor and very hungry
looking boy passed along outside the
fence and looked wistfully at Willie's
bread and butter
''Don't you think, Willie, that it
would be nice to give that poor boy
half of your piece of bread and but
ter 2"
"Half of 1t, mamma ?''
eyes, my boy; he looks very hun
cry"
'Td like to give him some, but don't
you think-he's so poor, you know
it'd make him kind of greedy ?"-Bos-
ton Record.
CHESTNUTs.
A suburban gentleman tells this,
apropOs of the chestnut: He was sit
ting IN his library the other day, eating
some chestnuts, when a book agent was
ushered in. The glib tongued canvasser
opened his book, and as he was rattling
on at rapid rate the gentleman, to
show his hospitality, pushed the dish of
nuts toward him, with the remark to
help himself.
To his great astonishment- for he
was unmindful of the Interpretation
that might be placed upon the act the
agent stopped, gathered up his books,
and shot from the door, only saying:
"That's an awful mean way to tell
man to shut up. Boston Record.
JUST LIKE BOYS.
''If you don't get out of this alley,
you'll hear from me!' shouted a Spen-
Ger street woman to couple of boys,
who We're pounding on the feuce.
s. = How 4queriedieone, 's.-..s4-s---@. ,aa
'I'll call for policeman ~
E'You will, eh If you are the kind
of a woman that wants to see two or
three policemen hammered@to to, death by
two desperate boys who will never be
taken alive just blow your whistle :.
We wash ouf" hands of all responsible
ity:n f,s.Ss ,;@~
The sober, second thought seemed to
prevail with her, as she retired and left
them masters of the eEd.-DetroU
Free Press. < - y :
- .-e MOCK TURTLE. x
6, A little boy came home from the
country in high glee because he had
caught five small mudturtles. 'sHere,,
mother. Here you are!n he said, put
ting all the turtles in her lap. 'Now
we'll have some turtle soup. won't we -
"My bov,n said the; mother, giving
him a kiss to pay for his disappointment,
''that kind of turtle won't make soup.7'
With a culver on hisalips he was turn
ing away, when his face frightened as
asked, couldn't you make mock tur-
tie of 'em, mother !'-B0st0n Nea0S.
A YOUTHFUL PowDERLY.
''I told you this morning that I would
whip you if you were not 6. good boy
to-day, did not, Johnnie ~
"Yes, sir"
"And you have been good boy 2"
eyes, sir"
"Was it because you wished to please
me 2"
mo, sir"
"What then, Johnnie ~
"Becau | don't believe in encourag-
ing strikes. ."-Detr0it Mercury.
HER.
Coming home from a service where |
had preached from the words, "And
Aaron and Hur stayed up his hands, !"
says a clergyman, one of the congrega-
ton, prominent man in the town said
to me:
Il wonder you didn't touch on the
argument in favor of female influence
in that text tonight"
Ireplied that Il don't see where it
comes in"
"Why," said he, ''it says lei, stayed
up his hands as much as Aaron did,"
AN IMPORTANT DIFFERENCE.
"What the speed of that hors,, :"
was asked of an old colored man who
was leading sad-looking equine into
blacksmith shop.
(Which way 3"
"Why, I don't see that it sh0Slld make
any difference which way he's headed. "
'Dat's kase you dOan' own him, sab.
His speed when he's gwine home iist
keeps stop watch bObin' all over, but
when he's comm away FUN de ban you
kin kotch his time by a terbacker box"
--Detr0t r. &c Press.
PRESERVING THE RECEIPTS.
Omaha Lady-The paper says shat in
Vermont hereafter the women are to be
allowed to vote.
Vermont Lady-Isn't that splendid,
and shall be home long before the
next election, too. It's grand. But
are there any limitations
'None that | see, except that wo-
man must prove that she owns $3.50
worth of property
"Well, I've got all my millinery bills,
thank goodness. "- Omaha WorId.
GRATEFUL WAITER.
Gentleman Go wife, after leaving res
taurant)-The waiter seemed very CRATE
full for the liberal tip l gave him.
Wife (sententiOusly) Very.
Gentleman Did you overhear what
he whispered to the waiter at the adj