davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-08-05
A Judge who Loved a Joke.
Boston Gazette.

For the following interesting reminis-
cence of the one-time celebrated Chief
Justice Parsons am indebted to Joseph
A. Willard, Esq, for so many years CON
nected with the court of common pleas
and the superior court as clerk, and whose
years rest lightly on his shoulders. When
Judge Parsons was on the bench a case
was called before the noon recess and the
court adjourned till P. NJ. At the ap-
pointed hour the court came in, and the
foreman of the jury informed 'his honor
that only eleven jurors were present.
Parsons was the most punctual of men
himself, had little charity for delin-
quents, and he fidgeted around, dipping
his pen in the inkstand, and catching flies.
About 2:15 the the tardy twelfth man ar
rived. Parsons who was firm but mild
hammered man, told the Juror to stand
up.
''What excuse have you to. offer sir, for
being late-for keeping the court, and at
torneys waiting?"
MAY it please your honor" said the
delinquent, II went home ate my dinner,
and then sat down in the rocking chair
and fell asleep. I did not awake until Is
minutes ago, and I ran all the way to the
courthouse. [ am very sorry, sir, as
sure you"
Sir" said Judge Parsons, Il cannot
accept your excuse. | shall fine yon
S1O.'
II did not dream of that" said the jur-
or, with an expression of loss in his coun
tenance.
'sMr. Clerk" said the judge, 'you vii
remit the fne," and then with a merry
twinkle in his eye he ordered the case to
proceed.
Parsons dearly loved a Joke.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-08-05

with which She spoke, Appealed to his mem
DRY Of the pardon that she had so generously
granted, While he and Sydney Westerfield
were still guiltleSs of the injury inflicted on
her at a later time. Silently he took the let
ter from her and read it.
She kept her face turned away from him
and from the light. The effort to be still,
calm, and reasonable-to suffer the heart
ache, and not let the suffering be Seen-made
cruel demands on the Self-betraying nature
Of woman possessed by strong emotion.
There was moment when she heard him
sigh while he was reading. She looked
round at him, and instantly looked away
again.
He rose and approached her; he held out
the letter in one hand and pointed to it with
the other. Twice he attempted to speak.
Twice the influence of the letter unnamed
him.
1t was hard struggle, but it was for her
sake; he mastered his weakness and forced
his trembling voice to submit to his will
us the man whom you are going to marry
worthy Of tIiS"" he asked, still pointing to
the letter,
She answered, firmly: more than worthy
of it,
marry him, Catherne-and forget Me-
The great heart that he had sore S0rely
wounded pitied him, forgave him, answered
him with burst OF tears. She held out one
impIoring hand. His lips touched 1.-THE
was gone.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-08-05
The Cause Of His Consolation.
E ST. lire Bell.


A man was crushed by having a well
cave in on him in Fargo, Dakota, one day
this week, and died few hours after be-
ing rescued. Some of his neighbors were
talking about it the next day.
''Well. said Col. Bentley, "Jones was a
good fellow and I'm sorry he's gone. Did
you help rescue him, captain?''
eyes, I and Maj. Powers and Judge
Alexander took him out, and staid with
him till he died. As I was just saying to
Senator Gloomy, it was a touching sight"
But they say he was resigned?"
Eyes, he was"
"What seemed to be the greatest con-
ISOLATION of his dying mOments?"
"Well, he seemed to get some comfort
from religion, but he said that what really
made him resigned to death was the fact
that he was the only man in Fargo with
out a title. He said he guessed it was
better that ne should CO."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-08-05
Mark TwaIn's Monument to Adam.
NRw York World

Samuel l.. Clemens Mark Twain, whose
summer home is on East hill, oyerlookinp
the city, arrived here with his family sew
eral weeks ago and became the immedi-
ate neighbor of Rev. Thomas K. Beecher.
The worst thing that has gone against the
grain with Mr.. Clemens is the fact that
he feels the years stealing on him and is
not as spry as formerly, while his neigh
bors who years ago were in the back
ground as far as boyishness was concern
ed, are showing up to the best advantage
The straw that bore on Marks shoulders
the heaviest was the presence of Rabbi
Beecher on tricycle. next morning.
"Can it be possible" said the humorist,
''that Tom Beecher is 'roughing it on a
wheelmagig?"
But the fact was too apparent, and
when Mr.. Beecher mounted his three
wheeled steed next morning to ride down
town to the club, where he intended to
exhibit his speed in ''healthy game of
billiards. Mark could stand it no longer
de felt the weight of years, and as time
was uncertain, he would act at once and
carry out one of the grandest schemes
that was placed on this rough earth to
perform erection of monument to
his great forefather, Adam. This project
was conceived several years ago by Mr..
Clemens and Mr.. BeeCher. Several mod
els were examined, but none seemed to
answer all the requirements and were re-
jected, and thus the matter rested. 1t
seems that Mr.. Clemens had the monu-
ment bee in his bonnet when he came
here this summer and expected to enlist
Mr.. Beecher in the cause, but since Mr..
Reecher has become so modern by the
riding of ''wheelmagig," Twain doesn't
think it would be appropriate for Beecher
to NEEDLE with anything so ancient. Mr..
Clemens and family went west about three
weeks ago, going to Duluth and thence
down the Mississippi to Davenport, where
they are now visiting his aged mother.
When Mr.. Clemens returns to Elmira it
is understood that the erection OF me-
mortal to Adam and Eve will surely take
place.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-08-05
Late Dinners and Their Benefits.
Hsrner'S RaZar

If there is anything in a nations habits
which might seem permanent landmark
1T is the dinner hour, and yet this is real
ly, among AngloSaxons at least, no more
fixed in its position than a sand bar at the
mouth of a harbor. In England it has
steadily slid on from II o'clock dinner
of Queen Elizabeth's time to the half-past
S of to-day, and it is possible that it may
by-and-by begin to go backward and be-
come earlier again.
1t is not hard to remember when, in
our chief American cities, the dinner
hour of the leisure classes - so far as we
can be said to have any was 1 o'clock;
many such people at Boston still dine at
2, and others at 4, and 6; while Z,
though not unknown there, still seems
rather extreme.
In New York, on the other hand, the
late dinner is rather universal in these
classes; nor can any one doubt that the
teddency of all our cities is steadily that
way. Now the late dinner has great ad-
Vantages for professional and business
men, since it promotes quiet, and there
fore good digestion. Probably much of
the improved physique which is so gener-
ally recognized among Americans is due
to the increased habit of dining late. For
men of the above classes an early dinner
means hurried dinner, while a late one
is leisurely one. [ know men in good
circumstances who for years took what
was regarded as a regular meal "down
town" at 1 o'clock or so, and never allow
ed more than fifteen minutes for it; and
those same men dine at home, after the
days work is over, and give an hour or
more to the process. Of course, this as
sumed difference may be pressed too far,
and [ remember being checked in this
course of argument by that most dignif-
ed of women, the late Mrs. George Tick
nor, of Boston. She heard me through,
but said:
II do not agree with you that the hour
of the day has anything to do with it. I
kept house for a great many year, and
had many dinner parties at 2 o'clock
There never was any undue haste at my
table,"
I should think not, indeed! Mrs. Tick
nor was the last of her generation = the
more's the pity - and the lady of the
house to-day needs all the quieting asso-
Citations of the evening to secure for her
guests the due decorum aud repose.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-08-05
TO BE CONTINUED.
INDIAN SIGN LANGUAGE.
The ExpresSiyeness OF the Pantomine Lam
guage of the Noble Red Man.
PHILADELPHIA Tines

Vi Tile NOUle htu
Philadelphia Tines
1 was out to the Gentleman's Driving
park yesterday afternoon with Scar
Face" the great white chief. better known
to the world at large as Maj. John Burke
[ am not going to tell you that there are
to be found the largest herd of buffalo in
captivity in the world or the finest speci-
mems of Indians ever east of the Allie
gheny mountains. I will let you GO there
and learn these and many other facts
equally interesting for yourself and per-
sonal observation. What l want to tell
you is that the Indians are the greatest
pantomimists in the world, and that their
''sign language" is so plain that an intel
ligent man can in few days master
enough of it to enable him to understand
any Indian in the country. I spent an
hour in a tepee, and through the kindly
aid of Broncho Bill, who acted as inter
prefer, saw enough of the sign language
to make me write as | do. When an In
dian wants to tell you that he is sad he
places his extended right hand downward
on a line with his heart and then depress-
es it three or four inches. How could he
more quickly or expressively say 1 am
down-hearted." When he wants to tell
you that he speaks truthfully he puts his
hand to his mouth and extends his arms
in direct line, thus implying that his
talk is straight" If he wishes to say
that speech is untrue, instead of extend
ing his hand direct, he twists it from
side to side, thus showing that the talk is
crooked" All the other signs are equal
ly plain and explicit The noble red man
is untutored in or ways, but his own are
far more interesting than any novel
ever read.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-08-05

unable to imagine what that purpose might
be. Herbert still persisted in trying to force
a quarrel on TIE captain.
AS I remarked just now,' he proceeded.
newspaper reports are not always to be
trusted. Do you seriously mean, my dear
sir. To marry Mrs Orm0nd2"
Il look forward to that honor and that
happiness. But [ am at a loss to know how
it interests YOU
''In that case allow ne to enlighten YOU.
My name is Herbert Linley."
He has held his name in reserve, feeling
certain Of the effect which he would produce
when he pronounced it. The result took
him completely by surprise. Not the Slight
est appearance Of agitation showed itself in
Bennydeck's manner. On the contrary, he
looked as if there was something that inter-
ested him in the discovery Of the name.
You are probably related to a friend of
mine'' he said, quietly.
'Who is your friend?'
Mr. Randall Linley."
HerDert was entirely unprepared for this
discovery. Once more the captain had cot
tie best OF it.
Are you and Randall Linley Intimate
friends?" he inquired, as soon as he had re-
covered himself.
Most intimate
Its strange that he should never have
mentioned me on any occasion when you and
lie were together"
''It does. indeed, seem strange"
Herbert paused. His brothers keen sense
Of the disgrace that he had inflicted on the
family required to his memory. He began to
understand Randaps otherwise unaccOunt,
able Silence.
are you nearly related to Mr.. Randall
Linley?" the captain asked.
- an his elder brother"
Ignorant Oh his part of the family dis
grace, Benrydech heard that reply with
amazement. From his point Of view it was
impossible to account for RandaPs silence.
"Will You think me very inquistive, y Her
bert resumed, elf | ask whether my brother
approves of your maTiage%'
There was a change in his tone as he put
that question, which warned Bennydeck to
be on his guard. 81 have not yet consulted
my friends opinion" he answered, shortly.
Herbert threw Off the mask. ''In the
meantime You shall have my opinion" he
said. Your marriage is crime-and [
mean to prevent it."
The captain left his chair, and sternly
laced the man VINO mad spoken those lnSO-
lent words.
Are you mad?" he asked.
Herbert was on the point of declaring
himself to have been GATHERINGS husband
until the law dissolved their marriage when
a waiter came in and approached him with a
message. You are wanted Immediately
Sir"
WHO wants me?"
"A person outside sir. It's 4 serious mat
ter-there is not a moment to lose"
Herbert turned to the captain. II must
have your promise to wait for me-" he said,
''Or I don't leave the ROOM"
Make your mind easy. / shall not stir
from this place till you have explained your
self, was the firm reply.
The servant led the way out. He crossed
the passage, and opened the door Of wait
ing-roOfn. Herbert passed Inland found
himself face to face with his divorced wife.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-08-05
lie EiSured Closely.
lAC 4 7. VI W NAVlo q
Wall Street News.

Gentlemen explained New England
merchant to his creditors as they found
the sheriff in charge, 'this failure is not
my fault. No man ever worked harder or
made closer bargains"
But we are told, remarked one, that
your wife has one silk dress which cost
$780,
''That is true, sir, but it is one Of the
evidences of my economy. | made the
dressmaker knock $40 off the bill before
I would pay it,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-08-05

nm, she wont ike that; ana wnat do YOU
think he sail He said: 'Good-by. Kittie y
Wasn'tlt amy? He didn't seem to know
what lie was talking about. Ii you ask my
opinion mamma, [ think the sooner you go
to him the better
Catherine heSitated. Mrs. Prpsty on one
side aad K.,ty Oh the Other lei her between
them into i.a house.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-08-05
Hardwood Timber Scarce.

EAU CLAIRE, Wis, July PA scarcity
of hardwood timber is reported. A Me
nasha firm has purchased 100000 feet for
manufacturing purposes from parties at
at $3.50 per thousand feet
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-08-05
A Shingle Mil Burned at Superior.

SUPERIOR, Wis, July 27.-The single
MILL all the machinery and large
amount of shingles owned by J. A. Taft,
were totally destroyed by fire on Friday.
Loss, 81 500; insurance, $500.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-08-05
THE VALUE OF GOLD DUST.

1t Was Not Known to the Earliest Miners in
California = Varied Devices for Adultera-
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1886-04-01
POLITICAL.

The Indiana Congressman who called
at the Executive Mansion to present the ella mi
Of John B. stoll on the public printing ofic'
we're informed by the President that he had ne
intention to make q change in the Office during
the session Of Congress, as public. business
might be impeded.
The Senate Committee on the Dis
trict Of Columbia has decided by tie vote Il
report adversely the nomination Of J. O. Mat
thews (coloredl OF Albany, N Y, to be Re
corder of Deeds for the District Of Columbia.
Governor Stoneman has appointed
George Hearst United States Senator from Cal
lfornia, vice John F. Miller, deceased
The Iowa Senate has passed q bill
making drunkenness misdemeanor, punish
able with a severe penalty in an increasing
ratio to the number Of offenses.
The Postmaster General sent state
ment to the Senate showing that the number of
removals of fourth-class Postmasters during
the first year of the present administration
was S,645 or these there were 6l3 in Illinois,
400 in Indiana, 800 in Iowa, 205 in Wisconsin,
BAL in Michigan, 124 in Minnesota, % in
Nebraska, 125 in Dakota, and 253 in Kansas.
There were ! ,053 removals in New York State
nlone.
The Republicans Of Rhode Island
have nominated George Peabody Wettmore, Of
Newport, for Governor
The House Elections Committee has
decided to so into the merits of the contest in
which Page, Democrat contests the seat of
Price, Republican, in the Second Rhode Island
District
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1886-04-01
SOUTHERN.

The Fitzgerald hose company of Lin
coin, Neb, won the first prize in the fremen's
contest at New Orleans.
A confagration at Helena, Ark,
originating in the Eagle Block, destroyed the
opera house, the postoffice. the dry goods store
of s Seelig, and numerous other establish
ments. The loss is estimated at s225,0
The will of Thomas s. Surell, of New
Orleans, has just been admitted to probate
1t developed the fact that the deceased left a
fortune of over 100000 to two daughters,
one of them Mrs. Richard ID. Kerby. The es-
tate includes some valuable property in Clh-
cage.
A fire in New Orleans destroyed nine
residences in the vicinity of Baronne and
Washington streets
Three negroes were lynched at Au-
burn, KY, for assaulting the daughter Of a
prominent citizen Of that pace.
In fight at Tascosa, Texas, caused
by dispute about cattle stealing, four mer
were shot dead and two others fatally wounded
The boiler in saw-mill at Calera
Ala, exploded, killing three men and badly
wounding four others.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1886-04-01
WASHINGTON.

The Secretary of the Interior has
decided that the Atlantic and Pacific Road has
no legal claim to 9, AL 200 acres of land along
its track between San Francisco and San Blu
enaventura, and its restoration to the public
domain is ordered.
Secretary Manning is very sick
man, and will not be upon his feet again for
many weeks" says a Washington special Of
March % @His physicians tell reporters that
his condition is in nowise critical, out in
private they express the greatest concern
for his ultimate recovery. II is
said that the Secretary informed Colonel
Lamont this morning that 1t would be weeks
before he would be able TO resume the duties
of his Office, and that he intimated an intention
of rendering his resignation. The Colonel
communicated this intention TO the President,
who Immediately sent word 10 Mr.. Manning
that he could not spare him from the Cabi-
net The President suggested TO the Score
tary to take long vacation"
Senator Riddleberger Of Virginia,
was assaulted in the east corridor Of the Senate
Chamber by A. w. Jones, one of his constitu-
ents." says Washington special ~Jones was
heard to ask Senator Riddleberger for money
The Senator refused, and Jones attempted tC
strike him The Senator warded of the blow
whereupon Jones put his hand on his pisto
pocket Senator Riddleborger grasped anC
firmly held Jones' hand until couple of Sen
ate employees came up and carried Jones OF
Senator Riddleberger said that this was simpl,
one Of several attempts Of certain people t.
make him do or say something which woult
warrant his expulsion from the Senate. But
he said, I am on my guard, and will not b
drawn into any such indiscretion.' The Sena
tor feels very bitterly toward Senator Ma
hone"
Ex-Congressman Casey Young test
6el, March IS, in the telephone investigation
at Washington, that the Attorney General nevel
told HIM that he knew Of or that no woul'
bring suit against the Bell Telephone Com
pany. Witness never spoke 70 solicitor Con
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1886-04-01
WESTERN.

Insurance agents claim that the losses
by fire in Chicago last year consumed NOR,
money than was paid in premiums.
Should the citizens of St Joseph
No., subscribe 100000 toward the stock Of
the Chicago, Kansas and Nebraska Road, the
Rock Island Company will at once commence
the building Of four hundred miles of track on
its Kansas extension.
No indictment was found against
Henry T. Wright formerly Assistant Post
master at Racine, who was sentenced to five
years imprisonment in the penitentiary al
Chester, Illinois, for embezzling 5000 'oi
Government funds. Since the decision in the
Mackin case by the Federal Supreme Court
steps have been taken to secure Wright's re-
lease
A. M. Billings, of Chicago, is said to
have secured absolute control of the St Louis,
Kansas City and Colorado Railroad Company,
in the interest Of the Atchison and Topeka,
which will soon commence work on northern
extension to St Louis
The flour output at Minneapolis last
week reached $1,000 barrels against 81, 600
barrels the preceding week. The decline in
wheat has stopped the free movement of -four.
Near Walker, Iowa, man named
Armstrong rushed in front of train, placed
his head on the rails, and was beheaded by the
wheels
Harvey Whitehead, youth OF 16,
whose parents reside at Bethel, Conn, drowned
himself at Durand, ILL.,
Van Northwick's paper-bag factory
at Batavia, ILL.,, was destroyed by fire, prop
erty being destroyed to the amount OF s75, COO
The Windsor Hotel q bank, and
twenty-seven frame business structures at
Salida, Col, were destroyed by fire. The total
loss is placed at $l20,0c0, with insurance of
$4,000
William M. Smith, of Lexington,
III, formerly Speaker of the lower house of
the Illinois Legislature, and for some time a
member of the Railroad and Warehouse Com
mission committed suicide by shooting him
self through the head He had been in bad
health for several years
The incorporation articles OF the
Minnesota & Northwestern Hallway were
placed on file last week in the Circuit Court at
Freeport, Ill The company proposes to build
line from Chicago to East Dubuque, Ill, but
will probably continue the line to st. Paul
The capital stock is s5,0C0,0C0.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1886-04-01
To spur a faded Appetite

In one thing, to invigorate and regulate the
digestive organs is another. And yet mere APP
petizers are constantly mistaken for and are even
termed tonics. Hostetter's Stomach Bitters is
on a far higher plane in the category of medical
preparations than the so-called tonics which
impart a relish for the food. These have their
use, and are estimable provided they be pure.
But the scope of the remedial operation of the
Bitters is far wider. 1t reforms enfeebled con-
dition of the stomach, and purifes its juices, II
vitiated, as well as promotes their secretion in
healthful abundance. The stomach having, in
conjunction with the liver and the bowels bsen
regulated, and their natural tone restored
through it's agency. appetite returns, as a matter
of course. Fever and ague, poverty OF the blood
and consequent debility, rheumatic ailments
and a tendency TO kidney and bladder troubles
are also remedied by IL.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1886-04-01
NEWS CONDENSED.



The will of Senator Chaffee, made be-
fore the Grant a Ward failure has been found
II gives $500 900 TO MIRA u 8 Grant Jr., and
s900,OO to other relativeA
One stroke of lightning at Waterton,
Conn, demolished house and instantly killed
Sarah and Eliza McGaffey
Louise Blackman, o school Teacher, OF
Ocean County, New Jersey, whipped with a
birch rod a politician and cranberry raiser by
the name Of Emson. whom she charged with
slandering She
Neal Dow, the Maine Prohibitionist,
celebrated his eighy-second birthday by q
family gathering at Portland
Owing to the loss of the Oregon, the
Cunard Company has abandoned the running
Of fast weekly steamers between Boston and
Liverpool
A huge bald eagle undertook to carry
an S-year-old boy from the farm OF Joseph
Davis, at Mannheim, New York, but was foiled
by laborers.
AT meeting of the Presidents of
the anthracite coal companies it was unan-
imously agreed that the total output Of coal
tins year should not exceed 80, 500, 600 tons.
Aid. Jaehne, of New York, has been
released from prison ON bail