Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1886-01-08

This fruit is not grown in Arkansaw,
nor indeed anywhere else in the south,
bat like the "wooden nutmeg red
wood ham, 1.-THE bloody shirt" and
slippers made from the cuticIe oi
present "up north.
While studying to become an expert
chemist some years ago and while. eX-
perimentally engaged IN Analysing
the stomach and contents of a medic
al college "stifl, that ! might become
proficient as an expert witness in
poison cases, some playful class mate
OF mine, in my absence from the
laboratory, surrcptitiously emptied
my jar of It's contents and substituted
Tor the human stomach | had placed
In 1t a large sized specimen of bologna
sausage. Dissolying the mass and
proceeding with the analysis, my as
constituent knew no bounds when
every test applied by me to the
residuum invariably showed exclu-
siyely, all of the component parts, in
iluid, of elephant meat.
My sportive friend fearing his prac-
teal joke would result in an overthrow
of my reason, after discovering that |
was on the verge of becoming a raving
maniac confessed all to me. and was
himself astounded at my scientific
acumen.
Thus it was that incOntinently be-
came interested in this staple of pro-
vision dealers. and got at the true in
wardness-m Il discovery of the
profound secret-of the mysterious
manufacture of this crazy quilt"
physical pabulun, so to speak, as it
has now become.
But like the French sardines the
original imported bologna has been
Americanized and counterfeited; for
correct analysis of the pristine orig-
nal edible IN question would show
very different result indeed from like
practical diagnosis of the modern free
lunch fodder of this species.
The genuine, until the recent killing
OF forepaugh crazy elephant and The
death of Barnums Jumbo, " was al
ways imported, like the cholera, from
across 1.-The briny deep beng com
posed of elephant meat pounded up
by the natives who killed them for
their ivory, and stuffed IN the large in
testlnes OF these gigantic animals.
while the modern counterfeit manufac-
tured up north have nothing OF tho ell
ephant about them save its stomach
and other intcStineS which form the
covering of this varagated meat mar
ket. nowadays.
A careful analysis of the modern bo-
logna shows up mule meat, raw dog,
beef shank, wieneTwurst. soap grease.
Inn aha mi =
weed. trace of garlic and the pres
enCe OF nicotine from tobacco smoke.
| do not copy from my note book the
technical analysis showing in what
proportion these are found les. the I'M
learned reader should think mo Pc
DANTE. AMI hcbitudinous erudtc sci
entiiic dude. like 'mugwump.
Notwithstanding the fact that very
many persons have died from con
sumption Il consumption OF this me-
lange of carnal substances heterogen-
eously fabricated. combined and COM
pounded together, and this menagcrie
OF inanimate animal promiscuosity COR
words To that effect, rs il were) vet |
have never at any time discovered ar
senic or other mineral poison TO be
present in II in appreciate quantities,
and so conclude that death after its
use, eusucs invariably from acute gal
looping Indigestion, sewer gas or hem
orrhoids.
Since the death OF Jumbo | have OBJ
served bolognas made rs orig.
inally from genuine elephant meat,
done up IN sections of his largest intes-
tine. and think that one of our Arka-
delphia groccrS has Il half ton package
of the Simon pure, ante oleomargar-
inc, oriental article. This is saying
good deal for the enterprise of an Ark
adclphia grocer, to be sure. for in the
elephant. there is SO much of "round
steak obtainable which : readily
sold at the price of bologna per pound
that it no longer pays to work it up in
that way. But none of our merchants
are "slouches.
should Judge that bologna is a
good thing for the agricultural and
the horticulturist, and unqualifedly
recommend it TO them-as fertilizer.
-BUoH 1hdrp. in ArkdHSaU 1'rdccicr.