davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
A Startling resemblance.

New York Times.
do you happen to know, my DEAR" said
Mrs. Colonel Blank, of Kentucky. to her hus5
band, why you are something like piece o.
6anpel2"
The Colonel, who was at the sideboard, paused
for a moment, and said that he did not, and ins
quired why.
Because answered the lady, "you both
shrink from the use of water"
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
The Candid little bow.

Texas Siftings
Now. little boy, what is the meaning Of the
word hypocrisy2" asked an Austin Sunday school
teacher of her favorite pupil.
II can't explain what it is, but know it ak
the same.n
Give me an example of hypocrisy"
when a fellow says he loves his Sundays
school teacher That's hypocrisy"
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
A Pastoral Cali.
Tid-Bits.

Rev. Mr. Lawson continuing mis- converse
tion)-And as l came in, Mrs Buggins, bef
came convinced that Mr. Buggins had at last
experienced change of heart saw him prays
ing in the garden on his Bonded knees!
N. B.-Buggins was digging worms for Suns
day morning fishing trip. and she knew it.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
Decidedly Queer.
Hartford Times


William Bronson. who has been constable of
Huntington for seven years. is queer fellow.
He wears a shirt for each year he has been in
Office, one over the other, believing that he can
not be reelected unless he does so.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
why She Would Not Dance.

Detroit Free Press.
A very fastidious young man from the city
happened to attend country ball BECOMING
enamored of the belle of the evening he asked
if he might claim her for partner in waltz on
the programme.
Them round dances allus turn my stomach
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
An Impossibility.
pittsburo I,;snatc,

Pttsburg Dispatch.
Guest-Waiter, what's the mattev with this
butter2
Waiter-Buttah, sahl
Guest-Yes, butter. 1t seems strong
Waiter-Strong, sab! Dat buttah strongY Ons
possible, sab. Dat buttah, sab, am oleomahgsA
hine, sab. Dat butah, sab, don't git strong.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
Tho Beautiful Guatemalan Widow.

Long Branch Letter in New York Herald
The supremacy attractive woman at Long
Branch this season is Sonora de Barrios, widow
of the late President of Gautemala who was
killed in recent engagement with the revolu-
tionists. This lady Is of medium height and
good figure Her eyes are wonderfully brilliant,
and charm all who come within their
spell She is in deep MOURNING z!
semi-retirement. Her Grape and lace dresses
are the envy of the ladies and the delight of the
men. One Of her mourning toilets is as pathetic
as requiem. It is floating mass Of black
tulle, Grape and the costliest lace; and, supple
meated by the raven-hued mantilla gathered
about her forehead and neck, as only the ladies
Of Spanish blood can arrrnge it, gives to her fig
Nre and face spiritual grace and beauty that is
matchless.
great hotel with its teeming population elbow
ing and jostling each other. Madame-for she
is as frequently called by the French form of
address as by the Spanish-generally break
fasts alone in her parlor. She has luxurious
permitted to visit her N her bereave-
ment call. As may be imagined,
she has numberless suitors, prospective and
present. True, she is the mother of twelve
children, but she has more than million OF
money for each Of them. A charming flock of
bright faces constitute no serious drawback to
the prospects of so fair widow SO richly en-
dowed with wealth. How many of her little
ones are Win nef i nave no means OF knowing.
Not many, / imagine She is never seen walk
ing on tho verandas or in the parlor. Though
she is fond of the dance, her recent widowhood
forbids it for the present At the last full dress
ball she occupied chair In the rear of the hall,
but despite the inconspcuous position she had
chosen, her sad though dazzling face was the
object upon which all eyes centered. have
spoken Of the effect as dazzling. This impress
sion was doubtless heightened by the two great
diamonds, large as flberts, that sparkled in her
ears. Her presence IN the ballroom did not
seem amiss, for who shall frame a code of rules
that beautiful woman is bound to observes
She is her own law and gospel.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
Accepting the Terms.

NEW TOFk Die.
He entreatinely)- Wont you give me this next
waltz, Miss Violet
She coquetishly)-Perhaps if you press me-
The Bold, Horrid Thing--Ill do that as w(
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08

trees. Ne dandy regards them longingly, with
the hea II his cane la his mouth, as luxuries he
can never hope to possess, and the wise man can
not get ont Of his head Dumass little illustration
Of the peche quinze francs.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
Didn't Blame Them.

Merchant Traveller.
The new baby had proved itself the possessor
of extraordinary vocal powers, and had exercised
them much to Johnny's annoyance.
One day he said to his mother.
INA, little brother came from heaven, didn't
he?"
''Yes dear"
Johnny was silent for some time, and then he
went on:
Say, ma"
what is it, JohnnyP
II don't blame the angels for bouncing him, do
YOUR
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08

BROOKLYN Eagle

Brooklyn Eagle
No, my son, they are not called grass widowa
because they are so green; it's because they are
SO fresh. And then, beside, shes not exactly id
the moved. Savvy, son?
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
Give the Church Members Chance.

Brooklyn Eagle.
Rev. Sam Jones is lecturing on 'How to be
Saved AS near as we can get at it, his pre-
scription is ''get out Of the church The church
is bad, terribly bad. There's doubt of it, it's
in an awful state. It's wonder that any
Christian man belongs to it Still. he has to 90
somewhere, and there is, even In the heart Of the
humblest church member, faint hope that here
and there in retired corners Of heaven, may be
found some saints who used to belong to church.
aud who don't make much noise in heaven and
can't talk enough slang to write revival sermon.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
Nice Girl.

Shoe aud Leather Reporter.
Philadelphia comes to the front with the
champion modest young lady Whom she hangs
stockings out on the clothes line she puts wells
over theDN
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
Not the Place for a Western Man.

Newport Letter in Boston Advertiser.
Last week there at one of the most fash
ionable and expensive hotels in Newport West
ern man who insisted upon coming down to din
ner in a striped seersucker coat The man paid
So day for his board, and probably thought that
entitled him to dine in any sort of a coat that he
preferred, provided it was clean. But presently
the management of the hotel found that it
couldn't resist the complaints of other guests.
and ordered the clerk to send the gentleman up
avery polite note, requesting him, out of consid-
GRAFTON for the other guests of the house. to wear
some other sort of coat at dinner. The boy who
carried up the note came flying down the stairs
in about one minute after he went up, with re-
quest for the gentleman's bill The bill was
rather reluctantly sent up; the man was there
for the summer; he was the quietest sort of
customer, and his So day wasn't to be sneezed
at. But at the same that he sent for the bill he
sent for a carriage and an express wagon, and in
exactly twenty minutes after the clerks note
came up the guest was gone, bag and baggage,
from the hotel
Evidently the gentleman had picked out the
wrong watering place
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
Catching salmon in the Columbia River.

Rev. Bennett. in Bloomington tIllJ Paragraph.
At the rapids we saw the salmon fisheries.
These fish are not caught by hook and line. A
large wheel is attached to the end of hat-boat.
The beat is anchored by the shore, where the
current is swift. The wheel has four wide
buckers, and the water turns the wheel The
salmon push up the stream, run into the buckets
and are lifted out of the water and landed in the
fiat boat. They are counted, put into cask and
foated down to the canneries, whore they are
packed UP and canned. The river catches the
fish and then transports them to the canneries.
One gentleman told me that the profits of
single fishery had been as high as $500 day
during the season. Some of the salmon weigh
over fifty pounds. and often they jump out of
the water so that they can be seen. Large seals
can be seen up the river after salmon. We no.
ticed several. We reach the cascades about
noon, and are taken by q narrow-gauge road
about six miles to another boat, the Hassalo.
The government is constructing canal and
locks at she cascades.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
Thats = ue velvet aIarrlage Certlficate.

PittsbufR Chronicle
The next thing will be to send for photeg-
rapher and have the document taken in nine
teen different poses. for distribution among a
palpitatine people.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1886-08-08
WHIMSICALITIES.
A New Kind of sumnaer Drink.

New Haven Jews.
Water is selling at so cents barrel in Calves
ton, Tex. The inhabitants think It'll new kind
of summer drink
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-06

among the spectators and the hang
ers-on. Several days ago Lieut..
Arnold walked into q turf exchange on
E Street and found the room crowded
with men, who were backing their
opinions on the various turf events at
that hour going on in various parts of
the country The lieutenant stood in
the only exit and looked the crowd
over in q semi-serious way, which
struck terror to the hearts of the
booksellers and their customers.
Several attempts were made to
jump from the windows, sew
eral government clerks who were hook
ing it from Office, pulled their hats
way down over their eyes, hoping to
prevent being recognized, and for 8
few minutes almost q panic prevailed.
Amid all the hustle and confusion
Lieut.. Arnold announced in a loud
tone of voice:
Gentlemen, hold in my hand y
then he paused for g. moment, while
the excitement in the room increased
twenty tickets" he continued, ''for
the benefit to relieve the Charleston
sufferers. Who will have them ?"
There was shout of relief, followed
by grand rush toward the lieutenant,
and in q few minutes he had disposed
of his tickets and departed.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-06
Alaska Glaciers.

Frederick Schwatka in New York Times
The glacier to the eastward of Jones
River, an immense field of ice, was
named "kgassiz Glacier" after the
late Prof. Louis Agassiz, whose re-
searches in glacial physics are we'll
known. 1t extends for nearly SO
miles along the base of the ST. Elias
Alps, and is probably Is to 20 miles
across. 1t may cover 1000 square
miles of land, but half to two-thirds of
that would certainly be within safe
estimate. It's thickness could only be
inferred, but If resting on fat land,
which is probablefrom the appearance
of the surrounding country, it must be
nearly 1000 feet on an average, as
shown by oarometrical surveys. The
Agassiz nariane shows much igneous
rock, and appears black at a great
distance.
The great glacier to the west of
Jones River, though not so we'll known
in superficial extent as the Agassiz,
may cover as much ground as the first
named. Itwas named the Guyot, after
the late Prof. Guyot of Princeton Col
lege, New Jersey, also we'll known in
scientific matters pertaining to glacial
phenomena. It's rocks predominant
toward a sedimentary character, and
it appears of light gray color from a
distance.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-06
A Gigantic Baby.
from the London Globe.I


A most remarkable freak Of nature
has been secured by William Holland
for exhibition at the Albert Palace,
Battersea, in the form of an infant
boy, aged IL months, who weighs up
ward OF fifty eight pounds, and stands
three feet high. This phenomenal
child, Ernest Ephraim Middleton by
name, is the offspring of healthy pa
rents living in Porlock, q village in
Somersetshire. The child is we'll
formed, and although fat, is not alb
normally SO when his size is consid-
cred. His chest measures thirty
inches round, his arms eleven and one
half inches at the elbow, and his legs
span no less than twenty inches.
There is nothing whatever repulsive
about this gigantic baby, and Mr..
Holland is to be congratulated on his
latest acquisition, which will doubtless
add to the already numerous attrac-
tions of the Albert Palace. Mr.. Hol-
lands baby was born on August 10,
1885, and he is exhibited by his moth
or, who vouches for the child's age by
the production OF his certificate of
birth
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-06
Roaring Tides.

The best examples of the eager or
bore, the phenomenon in which the
tides moves all at once, are said to be
furnished by the mouths of the Rivers
Amazon, Hoogly and Tsientang In
the case OF the last mentioned river,
in China, the wave plunges in like an
advancing cataract, four or five miles
in breadth and thirty feet high, and
thus passes up the stream to dis
lance of eighty miles at the rate of
twenty. five miles an hour. The change
from ebb to flood tide is almost in
Simultaneous. In the Amazon the
whole tide passes up the stream in five
or six waves following each other in
rapid succession, and each twelve to
fifteen feet high
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-06
Bride and Groom Separated.
From the Augusta (Me.) Journal.

From the Augusta (Me) Journal
A newly married couple who started
from Portland on a wedding trip the
other day were having hard time at
last accounts. 1t seems that while
the bridegroom was looking after the
baggage at the station his best man,
who was trife nervous, hurried the
bride into the wrong car and started
herfor Boston one car too soon. The
disconsolaUe husband took the next
train. but got to Berwick only to find
that his bride had returned to Port
land. She, against the advice OF
friends, did not stop there, but started
West again and got to Boston st the
same time he again reached the start
ing place. At last accounts the two
were hurrying backward and forward
as fast as steam could take them, each
frantically trying to overtake the
other
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-06
THE MODEL EDITOR,

man who runs paper
Should know every human caper,
And hold up the torch of knowledge like gleam-
ing midnight taper,
He should be as proud as Plato,
PLANT a boiled potato,
And as humble To his patrons as Il street and
crossing scraper.
He should honor in his journal
Every captain, crank and colonel,
And should dish up their proud achievements
in a hOdge-podge cooked diurnal.
He should puff-the hardened liar
Clubs and concerts, church and choir,
With long adiectives, sonorous, sweet, seraphic
and supsrnal.
He must write the funny column
That makes all his readers solemn,
With the fashions. frills and flounces, furbelows
and what dye call 'em2
Quel the copy fends wild revel,
Squelch aud IN asSacre the devil,
And put on a brow of thunder that shall petrify
and appall 'em.
He must be q news reflector
OF the lyceum and lectur.
Ard rain down his taffy torrents on the veteran
milk inspector.
He must be prompt adviser
To each foreign king and kaiser,
And keep out his key-hcIe telescope to dodge the
bill collector. Lynn Union.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-06
The Great Port Of Glasgow.
From the Cleveland Leader.l

From the Cleveland Leader.l
The Clyde forms Glasgow's entrance
to the sea, and Glasgow has made it
one of the fine harbor views of the
world. Originally it was a sluggish
and unnavigable stream, but by the
dredging of forty years it now admits
the largest ocean vessels, and at the
wharves in Glasgow you will find
shipsfrom all parts of the world. The
Harbor of Glasgow is two and one
half miles long, and below it ship
building yards line the Clyde for many
miles on its way to the sea. Glasgow
is the ship building center for the world,
and she builds ships for every nation
of note Great Britain has 55 per
cent. of the carrying trade of the
world, and her steam vessels have in
creased in tonnage over 200 per cent.
within the past ten years. She pays
her seamen less than half the wages of
the sailors of the United States, and
gets more out of them. The average
wages of English sailors are $195 per
annum; those of American sailors
$475 per annum. So that the Ameri-
can sailor gets $3.50 more year than
his British brother.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-06
Wanted---5OO Canyassers.

We want 500 canvassers for the WEEK
LIZ WISCONSIN and premiums.
There are 1000 towns and villages in
Wisconsin, Minnesota and Dakota, where
from SIS to 500 can be made canvassine
for the WISCONSIN with our premiums. To
any person who will send us certificate oil
the postmaster OF his place as to charac.
ter, fitness, and responsibility, and an gree.
ment to canvass for the WISCONSIN, we will
send free sample of our premiums:
The UNEXPECTED QUESTION.
PORTRAIT OF GEN. GRANT.
PORTRAIT OF CLEVELAND AND BRIDE.
ONE Book.
Copy OF WEEKLY WISCONSIN,.
Together with terms to canvaesers by
which the above sums may be made with q
little time spent in canvassing. The premi
ums are worth SIS after the work is fin
ished.
Canvassers will not be restricted to one
town, but should state the territory which
they wish to canvass in their letter of ap-
plication. You will be very much surprised
when you receive the terms that SO much
can be given for so little money. Young
men and young women can make money at
this. Address
CRAMER, AIKENs & CRAMER,
Milwaukee, Wis.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-06
A Virginia Romance.

Here is g. story from Nottoway
County that will please the most SEN
sational. Two years ago there dwelt
In this county two individuals. One
OF the individuals was handsome
and prosperous young farmer; the 9TH
or was saucy and bewitching damsel
OF Is summers. The taraer was g.
stern man. The bluest Of old Virginia
blood coursed through his veins. He
was prominent member of the vii
lage church. He dwelt in fashion
able house. He had plenty of horses
and servants. The young farmer did
not associate with the rest of the vii
layers. Oh, no; he was too proud for
that. But mark the change. One
year thereafter he fell in love with g.
pretty girl far beneath him in social
rank and position. He pleaded in
vain for her love, but she told him she
loved another. This drove the young
farmer mad, and in few months he
had to be taken to the Eastern Luna
tic Asylum at williamsburg. But the
romance did not end here. The hap
py and expectant bride was anxiously
awaiting her nuptial day, which the
fates, it will be seen, determined to be
otherwise. Her sweetheart was
thrown from horse and instantly
killed. When the sad news was con-
veyed to her she became raving
maniac. She was also taken to the
Eastern Lunatic Asylum, where she
met the man who had wrecked his
physical and mental capacities on &C.
count of her. The sight Of the woman
who spurned his love drove him into
such frenzy that strait jacket had
to be put upon him, and the very men,
ton of her name would throw him in
to q violent rage. Thus is life!
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-06
An EXTRAORDINARY Duel.
1From the Atlantis, Constitution.J

From the Atlanta constitutional
tTalk about duels," said an old
soldier yesterday, "the funniest duel
ever saw was at Newcastle, Del. The
boys made two negroes jealous of each
other. Is. Liston was one and Lige
Knox was the other, and they were
giants in size. A duel was arranged,
and each negro was convinced that
the others gun was not to be loaded
The boys went to q doctor, got sever
al boxes of pills, and two old muskets
were loaded with pills. The duelists
were stationed on the wharf 40 feet
apart and aimed their old muskets
with great elaboration. Each ex-
pected to kill the other. At the word
''fire" there were two loud reports.
Is. Liston felt something smash
against his face and he put out up the
beach. Lige fed in another direction.
It took some time to get them back
to Newcastle"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-06
Over MANY a League

Spreads the miasma, or poisonous vapor, that
beaets malarial and typhus fever. Wherever
there is stagnant water In whic b vegetation, or
refuse of any kind decays, there, surely as the
sun rises, are generated the seeds Of fever and
ague, dumb aeue, and other endemic maladies
of the malarial type. For the effects of this en-
venomed air, Bostetter's Stomach Bitters fur
nishes an antidote, and prevents both the con-
traction and recurrence OF such mala dies. Even
along the line of excavatio ion Tor the Lesseps Pan
ana Canal, where malarial diseases are not
only virulent but deadly, Hostetter's Stomach
Bitters has demonstrated its incompafablepro
tective qualities. Not only Tor febrile com.
plants, but also for disorders of the stomach,
FLYER and bowels, for rheumatism and inactivity
of the kidneys and BLADDER it liz very effective.
It counte racts the effects OF fatigue, damp and
EXPOSURE
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-06

A RECENT elaborate display of tail
or-made gowns proved that the de-
mand in America, as abroad, remains
unabated. The newer modes are far
less severe in style; they fit even more
accurately, but there is more orna-
mentation visible upon all styles ex-
cepu those to be devoted strictly to
utility uses. Light weight woods have
also taken the place of the heavy cum
bersome cloths first employed, and in
their stead are used the softly draping
London diagonals, camel's hair serges,
with threads ofsilk and 'arrasene inter
mingled, and bourrettes, armures
homespuns and canvas goods. pale
toned CLEANLINESS, Lincolnshire Bel
eravia, Scotch tweed meltons, and
other extra fine enitinQe.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-10-06
Betsy Patterson's Mule Ride.

From the Baltimore American.
Springfield was laid out by VIM. Pat
terson, the great Baltimore merchant,
so famous for his commercial affairs in
the early part of the present century.
1t was in Springfield that Elizabeth
Tor Betsy Patterson first heard of the
arrival of Prince Jerome, the brother
of the great Bonaparte, in America.
She was living out there with her faith
er when the grand ball was to be given
in Baltimore to the young Prince and
his associates. She begged her father
to be allowed to 60 to town for the
ball, but he not only refused to take
her but locked up all the horses and
her dresses. Her determination to
captivate and marry the young Prince
with the aid of her matchless beauty
was too well settled to be prevented
by her fathers orders, and, mounting
mule in her common house-dress.
and accompanied by acolored servant,
who carried her ball-dress on another
mule, she set out after dark on her
twenty mile ride over the Liberty
road for Baltimore. While the ball
was at its height she arrived, won the
Princes heart, and brought upon her.
self all the seventy years of woe and
trouble that she suffered after the
emperor refused. in defiance of the
Pope's decision, to recognize her ashis
sister-in. law. The weak Prince finally
refused to recognize his wife, and mar
ried again. Nine. Bonaparteretu
to Maryland, and, after obtaining a
divorce from the Legislature of her
native state, she lived in Maryland,
aided by the pension allowed by the
French government.