The Irish standard., 1886-06-26
THE MAN WITH "a LIVER.
Burdette Runs Across a Fellow With
81 his Liver Out of Order.

|
Burdette Runs cross a Fellow with
his Liver out of Order.
had dsuch a pleasant companion on my
way home from Aurora. He got on at
Bristol and took dinner at the "Cosmo-
politan." He sat with me at dinner and
didn't seem to have much appetite. He
groaned when he took up the bill of fare,
! and sighed as he looked across the table
| ut my order, and then shook his head
| lolefully and told the waiter to bring
lshim little boiled trout, with egg sauce;
7 a bit of boiled mutton, with caper sauce:
| some roast beef trifie rare, just Il taste
of roast lamb, turkey with cranberry
sauce, mashed potatoes. roast duck, some
pork and beans, Boston style, stewed TO-
matoes, corn, turnips, squash, bit of
cold tongue, some sharp relish and a cup
ofcoffee. Then he ordered some assorted
cake, cranberry pie, Indian pudding and
darned sight more like dying than eating.
agine, just think, what a glorious, 1ri-
umphant death that man will die.
Shortly after dinner the poor man ca me
into the coach and sat down opposite me.
s.4Ah," he said, with a deep groan, ~
don't know what wouldn't give if could
eat like you"
s.Sir !'I said, in fine burst of indigna-
ton, for feared he was going to accuse
me of swallowing my knife every time
took bite of pie, and just made up my
mind that would cut his heart out if he
limited at such thing
'.Oh it's a fact" he replied; II haven't
enjoyed ii meal for years"
..Was it possibles'' I asked, in amaze
ment.
.lndeed, yes" he said. "1'm all ont of
fix. pye no liver at all to speak ot.'7
II didn't suppose one liver would be of
| any account to him. rather thought
that if he could get u couple Of gangs of
liyers, aHd work them by reliefs, they
might be able to help him along, especially
il he had them made Of tin. But then he
was a stranger to me, SO I didn't feel iusti-
fed in making the suggestion.
t.No,1 he continued, "rny liver is no
more account than lump of lead. I
suppose he said plaintively, sit's as big
as four of YOURS"
And he looked az me with an appealing
glance, as though he expected me to take
my liver out and let him examine it, as
though it were an oroide watch be wanted
to trade for.
Now, if there is anything in this wide,
beautiful world that will make ne mad,
it is to have a man who is ailing sit down
and bore me with list of his diseases
and detailed account of his anatomical
arrangements, And the men Of free
America, it seems to- me, would rather
talk about their perishlng livers than their
never-dying souls, and it always makes
me mad for u man to- come at me and huy-
vC;tE En ,J:11,, q a
pldEty of his liver, as though were his
physician. 1 am proud to confess to the
blindest, densest 5gnorance concerning
my own inner life. don't know whether
my liver is yound or shaped Like gun
| case, and don't know whare it ts and
I don't care continental, although I al
ways had the impression that it was just
| under the shoulder, blades So I said to
| the man with great enthusiasm:
ooh, do tell me all about your hyerl L
| should so like to know all about it. am
| SO interested in such things"
I The man locked little surprised ut my
! sudden enthusiasm, bnt he said there
| wasn't much to tell about it, 1t was as
| torpid, ne said. ;ls a snake in Tecember.
ooh, charming, charsping!s exclaimed.
"And is, it, tame? DO yeu let it run
around loose or do you have to keep it
chained up?" .........
| The stranger stared, and locked as
though he would like to sit n little further
away. He said hv didn't just exactly un-
! delstand me.
! Sand how is your Spleen" I asked
eagerly, 'sand your ventricles? And do tell
me about your thoraic duct, and how dc
You get along with your tonsils? And
have you raised any new bones since saw
You last; add when did you hear from
your diaphragm? Do tell me all about
all your yiscera; make clinic OF your
self and tell me the Christian .uames o
all you, bones ard the appu1tenances
therennto appertaining. Tell me-
Bat he got up and slowly backed out o
the car, and the conductor shortly after
ward told me that the man with live
told him that the man who escaped from
the asylum at Jacksonville last week wa:
in the rear coach.