The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, 1886-03-09
THE J0KERS BUDGET
SOMETHING TO READ DURING THE
WARM WEATHER.
The Town Mafshul- Direct Evfdence-The
Farmers Lffe-A Letter 70 the Governor
To Ofderiy-A Harry Father, Etc.,
Etc.
: LETTER TO THE GOVERNOR.

LETTER TO THE GOVERNOR.
Simon Gardner, a citizen of Blossom
Cove, Arkansas, recently addressed the
following letter to the Governor: II
have this here day named a fine boy
after you. He is as lively as q harvest
hands appetite and can squawl louder
than a goat. How do wish you could
see him. His mother was dead set on
naming him after his Uncle John be-
cause John keeps a store, but I says,
No; no, mother says I, we will name
him after the Governor of this here
State. We amt never showed our re-
spect Ton none of the Governors, and it's
high time, let me tell you.' What's
the use in naming him after the Gov
'ernor2' says mother. He will forgit it
an five minutes and never will send the
child nothing and he is needing of
everything Tut, mother, John won't
give him. anything Yes, he will, >
mother says. John will do the right
thing, see if he don't I wouldn't give
lin, though, and now the child is named
after you. How l wish youscould see
him. 1t would tickle you mighty nigh
to death. He is mighty scarce O. buds,
but he's got q voice like a calf. He is
Van pSei i L SNCl SCCH Ill lily UOlh
days. Mother wants to bet me that you
won't send him nothing, but I don't
bet sense l tuck to preaching. She
lows that you air stingy, but l know a
heap better than that. If you want to
dlsappoint mother scnd-I was going to
say send down something, but never
mind. How l do wish you could see
hlm".--Arhunsam 71urcler.
III TOWN MARSHAL.
In this country there may be a man
who is more important than the village
town marshal, but he rarely shows him
self. The successful town marshal must
be a man who is opposed to all forms Of
manual labor. He talks of the work he
has performed, and he has a habit of
calling all other men lazy. He carries a
hickory club which he cut 'on the knob
out here near old Mat Taylor's place in
let me sec-tifty-six." Among small
boys he is n hero, and by them his seiz-
ure of a drunken man is looked upon RS
an act of bravery. In the summer he
goes in his shirt sleeves; in the winter
he wears a long, brown ovcrcoat. He
was known to arrest q wealthy man
nor a member of the town council. Hc
is a close friend of the village editor,
and he exchanges bits of criminal news
for complimentary notices of himself.
He likes to sit in the shade, and with
his stick, make triangular marks on the
ground. 1t is on such an occasion that
lc looks up and says: Jim, le1nme try
your tobackcr. "--Arkunsam Jruuekr.
IN o MUCH HASTE
Father has failed, you know,
George" said Clara, looking up into his
eyes, ''and-"
mo, l didn't know TT replied
George emphatically, at the same time
rapidly ~disentangling himself and look
ing about for his hat. "You will have
to excuse" .
EYES," went on the girl, father has
failed and has settled with HIS creditors
at seven cents on the dol"
May, dearest" interrupted George
~passionately, as he resumed his former
position. why discuss such surdid bust
ness matters on a night like this? Let
us speak of love, and the happiness the
future has in store for both of Ms."
II FARMERS LIFE.
The farmer leads no E Il life; the'CD
sows will rot; and when at f V rests
from strife his bones all A X lot. In D
D has to struggle hard to E K hsing out
If | G frosts do not retard his iorops
thcrell b a drought. The hired L r
has to pay are awful A q, too, they K
u rest when he's away nor N f work
will do. Both N z he cannot. makc;to
meet and then for A D takes some
boarders who so r T cat e. E nc money
makes. OF little u C finds this life
sick in old A G lies; the debts he.O.Z
leaves his wife and then in P C dies.
H. C. DonGE.
BRINGING HIM BACK TO LIFE.
An editor lay in an unconscious CON
ditlon, and for some time it WAS feared
that he was dead.
Cant you rouse him, doc1or?" was
~anxiously asked.
mo" the physician replied, II fear
that life is extinct"
Then the EDITORS assistant bert .ope1
and whispered in his ear:
"a gentleman wants to put an adver-
tisemcnt in the paper"
Immediately the unconscious mans
face showed signs of returning life, and
struggling to a sitting posture, he said
fecbly:
'''How many lincs?"
EDUCATIONAL NOTE
a. student at the University of Texas,
who had been leading a rather dissi-
pated life, wrote to his father, one of
the most respectable citizens of Dallas,
saying:--
had the misfortune to be upset in
q boat while out rowing on the Colorado
River. Iilost the beautiful watch which
yoC gave me I would like some money
to hire q man to dive for it,"
The old gentleman, who was no. fool,
replied
'.Itis moi worth while diving for it.
II MIGHT &c nall he in coaL.in ono nlana