The Portland daily press., 1886-04-17
WIT AND WISDOM.

When Rev. S. L. B. Chase was pastor N ROCK
land he one day essayed to treat the sunday
So for "a starfsr and in tie way Of graphically
Illuminating his remarks, he took a Dit Oh ehalk
and slowly and somewhat painfully sketched on
the blackboard representation OF TWO human
Nov, then,f he said, turning to the school,
''who will tell me what have drawn?"
81 know" called very little BOY on the iroht
seat ,,,,s ..n,,.+ ,s tton
And the very little boy on the mont seat
shrieked out:
"A termarter!'
Try Carter's Little Nerve Pills for any case of
nervousness sleeplessness, weak stomach, indi-
gestion, dyspepsia, &c. relief is sure. The only
nerve medicine for the price in the market In
vlals at % cents
A student at the University of Texas is much
addicted to writing verses. Not long since Gil
hooly said to the young man: ,o,
''You seem to be low-Sprited todayY
ayes. have good cause for it: proposed to
Miss Fanny Blinker, and she rejected me-"
Eyes. I She said She would never marry poet
''Well, perhaps she has never read any OF your
poetry. Send her one of your poems and that VIII
convince her that her, suspicious are announced,
can't imagine how the rumor got out that you
were poet"
Scott's Emulsion of Pure Cod Liv-
er OIL with Hypophosphites IN General
food and medicine, where the appetite is poor,
and the food does not seem to nourish the body.
This will give strength and vigor.
Southern farmer rented some land last year to
colored man for q third of the crop A severe
drouth cut the crops short and the negro gathsreu
only two bales of cotton, and two wagon loads Of
corn The latter was stored ana tne cOtuen solu.
When the landlord called for MS snare s he was S
surprise ''Didnt rent you my land Tor tnlT9 oI
the cropp" Eyes, boss,,' said the darkey "Dut
bales Of cotton ond two loads Of corn: all mine an
muffin for you by de contract" And the ianolora
could notmake cufee believe any other wa way, . NE ne
left the premises, SAYING mo one can MAKE Hut
say two am three, nary time"
April and May are the months when sVegetfRe
should be used to purify the blood.
WAS Captain Kidd very bad man, father?'
eyes, he was"
II don't know about that"
well, was he as bad as a New York alder
$50 indeed; that would be impossible!"
If you are tired taking the large, odfashoned
gripping pills, try Carters Little Liver Pills and
take some comfort. A man can't stand every
thing. One pill dose.
1t has been said that there Is no good Indian ex
cept dead Indian. But we desire to call atten-
ton to the fact that female Indian does not wear
a bonnet. She merely pulls the blight OF her shawl
over her head. Caucasian ladies might pattern
after the aborigine in this particular, andnot only
save lots of money which their husbands actually
need in providing themselves with cigars ana oIn-
er necessities of life, but also add greatly to the
pleasure of gentlemen who frequent the thealre
''Have used DIR. Thomas's Electric Oil for eroud
and colds, and declare it a positive cure" Con-
tributed by VIM Kay, $40 Plymouth Ave-, Buffa-
10, New York.
friend Of ours asked an enhancing maiden of
eight summers
ssWhom do you love best, your Gator your doll?"
The child hesitated to reply, but having at
length made up her mind, whispered IN the ear OF
aWeII, sir, don't mind telling you that love
my cat best: but be sure you don't breathe q WORD
very few doses Of Athlophores greatly re-
leyed me, and single bottle nearly drove the
rheumatism out ofme have seldom felt it since |
and only slightly at the most. Rev. G. L. Fisher,
pastor of the Second Church of Amherst, Mass.
An English country dentist recently made set |
of teeth for the bishop of his diocese. He anx-
iously watched the prelate as he examined him
self and his new teeth in the pier glass. and was
startled when he heard the bishop utter language
ending with that fearful word elimination"
The dentist ventured to suggest that his lord
ship might feel them rather uncomfortable at
fTst. but in little time he would get used to
them. without appearing TO notice the dentist
his lordship exclaimed with yehemence: with.
out doubt he shall perish everlastingly"
But, indeed. my lord, if you have patience
pleaded the dentist lin week's time or So"
fsWhat do YOU mean?" inquired the prelate,
turning around with a smile. "Why should L
have patience? The teeth fit me beautifully; it is
the first time have found myself able to pro-
nounee the Athanasian creed with distinctness
for these 20 years."