The Portland daily press., 1886-03-30
THE PRESS.
TUESDAY MORNING, MARCH 80.
WIT AND WISDOM.

Most of the contributions TO the conscience
fund of the national treasury are unacoompamed
by the naRe of the person making restitution or
statement of the fraud or mistake by which the
writer became possessed of money which his con
science will not let him keep. But there are some
exceptions, as shown by the following letter re-
ceiyed at the Treasury not long ago, enclosing
worn and soiled ten dollar bill:
"Gridley, Georgy, Febuery 4.
Mister treasury pleas take this ten dolers; IL Is
all l have got and have had it a long time but
he had stole a mule from the yankees just after
the surrender and as how he reckin 1t mite pe
stealth for the war was done over with and he did
not have any rite to take nothin from the yankees
no more and so l don't want no stealln III my
family and reckon the mule warnt with more
than ten dollars for 1t war a spawned old critter
anyway and amt got no more money. yure
p s.~My old man died last week"
6eott's Emulsion of Pure Cod LiV-
or oil with Hypophosphites. Is pre-
scribed by physicians all over the world. 1t is a
remarkable remedy for Consumption, serofNla
and wasting diseases, and is very palatable
"That's queer name for a book" remarked
young lady in book store
whats that?" asked the proprietor.
"'Letters to Dead Authors. wonder what
It's" 80, -. INT
from its title should say it was request to the
late Hugh Conway for more stories.
Twelve hours use of the Athlophoros you seat
me greatly removed the pain from my system, and
rendered the muscles supple that could get
up and down with ease, which have not done
for a long time. Rev. A. s. Cooper, Wiliston, VT
Two Frenchwomen entered into contest to de-
termine which of them could talk the faster
mutual friend was appointed umpire, an9 the sum
of 1000 francs was to go TO the victor For three
hours they read from Eugene sue, ana during
that time the victor succeeded in pronounclng
29e31l words. Her adversary came IN Daa
second with 203, $50 words
Backache is almost Immediately relieved by
wearing one of Carriers Smart Weed and Bella
donna Backache Plasters Try one and be free
from pain. Price 20 cents
General Porter gives these bon motS about wom-
Who shall do justice to woman in describing
her? Not her own sex. for one OF them, Lady
Montague, has said ut goes TAR 10 fecOnclnhg
me to being woman when l reflect that thus /
am In no danger of ever marrying one"
Let us be satisfied with Rut1iniS description OF
ger: "Just corporal enough to attest humanity,
and yet suffici entity transparent to let the divine
Kate Field recalled the saying of Horace Gree.
ly, when asked as to the relative superiority OF
men and women 1T depends upon the man ana
woman you select"
More cases of lick headache, biliousness, con-
stpaton &C., can be cured in less time, with less
medicine and for less money, by using Carter's
Little Liver Pills, than by any other means
One of the managers of home for destitute col
Ored children tells a funny story about Inc way
Washjngton's birthday was celebrated at that i'll
stitution. She went out there in the afternoon 10
see how things were going on, and found young
ster as black as the inside of coal mine, tied TO
bedpost with his hands behind him.
whats that boy tied up so for?' asked the at
tendant.
For lying, ma'am; he is the worst lying niger
ever saw"
''What's his name?'
George Washington, ma'am,' was the paralyz
ing reply.
No other remedy has so many genuine testlmo
mails as Vegetne, the great blood purifier
Josh BiIlings's philosophy greatest posi-
bic injury that a man kan 90 10 huuidhltS IL w
God never has placed one single thing we must
hev out ov our reach; our great misfortune H. the
things we kant get we want most.
1t IL terrible burden for the heart TO carry 10
the grave secret it cannot reveal.
The strongest trait in human karaKter Is bne
love of chance. man who never takes chance
will never git abuv the dignity OF tending glde
board. =,
man without habits IL without karakter he
IL like q bulls-eye watch-he may keep Time, DuC
he has got to be wound up regular TO do 1t.
Progress IL the great law; and the more prog
ress we make here the nearer we snail DC 10
heaven when we de- -,
Every man kan be a nero on hiz own dunghH
but TO be a hero on sum boldly else's dungMll IL
what strains the rooster.
The greatest bore on this earth is the one WHO
KANT talk about anything but himself.
very long kreed IL like very long tai, more
liable to tange the possessor and be slept Gu pl
others. III.
Spots kount, mi child yu kant take the eight
spot with the seven