davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14

On the last day Of registration a woman,
armed with bone handled umbrella, walked
INTO the Fourth precinct of the Second ward
and asked:
is this where the men register"
~Yes'm, and the women, too, was the cour-
teous reply.
Then | can register withourany fuss"
~Yes'm"
Il didn't know as they lowed it" she ex-
laimed, but was determined on it. When
left home had my mind made up that Id
aither register Or
Put your name right down on this sheet Of
paper, interrupted the clerk. You needn't
even give your age"
Il needn't! Well, sunthin' wonderful must
have happened all at once guess you men
nave found out that US women are of some
account after all Iexpected III have TO jaw
and tear around, and perhaps use a weapon,
and I'm a leetle disappointed
Yes. We won't keep you longer waiting,
ma'am"
"Well, I'll go, but my old man won't be
lieve it, and I'll hardly dare say it myself
expected you'd refuse, and I'd have to jaw
and
Good day, madam
She went out grudgingly, and she stood in
front of the building for three or four min
utes like one knocked out, and when she
finally moved off she was saying to herself
Well, mebbe the fuss viii come in when
fry to vote Mebbe they,D git priDe fighter
challenge me. Detroit Free Pres.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14

Detective John Webb was passing the
Bates street end Of the vegetable market
three or four days ago, when a stranger ac-
costed him with:
Say, | came i'll town the other day to git
my boot, fixed, and | was looking around
this place a little and lost a silver dollar out
OF a hole in my pocket"
But You didn't come back to look for it,
did YOU"
YES | did think lost it right over
there, where dodSed a wagon. Have you
heard Of any one picking up doIlarF
No, sill
"Sccm any advertisement in the papersT
No. GoE better save your time
Why
Why, man, YOU aren't green enough to
expect 20 get that dollar back, are your
OF course am Wasn't it minei Didn't
lose it,
well! Well. Some one ought to sand
paper your head"
They had, eh:' Queried the man. as he
searched around in the street IL lost it ju {
about here, while was jumping out Of the
way of a wagon. II anybody tries to rub
any sandpaper on my head rll!'-
He made dive into the dirt and fished up
a silver dollar, and as h" held it between his
thumb ard finger and danced around he
cried:
Here she iS-this is the very one, know
it by the nick cut on the edge Ought o
have my 1aad sandpapered, had |. Well
you just bet | know my gait, and I'm q
ahead, Its lucky for me, though, that you
didn't find it. You look just like m; n
who'd have chucked it into his pocket ard
let me go to ruin! Sandpaperl How would
YOU like to bite file
And the ahaShed detective couldn't say a
word in his own defense. Detroit Free Press.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14
into the seniors once ana entered into con
Sarxatinn uirh thar rr,-,tiar-nn

into the seniors once ana entered into con
vsTsation with that gentleman.
After the manner of lawyers be managed
70 get into her confidence and after the man
ner Of her sex she poured into the pTofes-
slonal bosom the narrative Of her woes and
bssougbt the counsel of her learned friend
Briefly stated, her case wRs this Sue wanted
goat. She had made several motions to
that effect in the paternal court, but on one
pretext or another the hearings had been I'D
jOurned and postponed to an extent which
made her doubtful Of ever securing final
decision in the matter
Havin. accepted q kiss as retainer in the
case, the president former partner proceede'i
to advise his fair client His legal intellect
grasped the situation at once. His experienced
and quick working mind Immediately seized
upon the remedy The thing for you TO
do said be, is this Go right into your
papa's office and, no matter who Is there, tell
him you want a goat II you only tell hun
once no may not hear y,u, 50 you had better
tell him several times. Yes, yuu had better
keep on telling him until You ara sur- hS an
ieTstands YOU"
The bttl- woman opened her big. blue eyes
in admiration OF her lawyers ability, and
She marched sobclly into her fathers office
intent upon her mission So absorbed was
She in her purpO>a that she paid no attention
10 the seven or eight prominent railroad men
who were receiving aud trraSuring the pre-
ciOus and expensive word, Of counsel falling
from tho lips Of the Tall sycamore She
ufted Ler dmpIel chin 10 the level Of the pa
teTnal desk and remarked in bell like tones
Papa, want a goat The matter under
discussion was an important one and her re
mark was not noticed. She resumed:
Papa, | want a goat want goat,
want goat, want a goat. want a goat,
want goat papa. | want a goat, want
a goat, want a goat Papa, want goat
/ want goat want goat, want goat
| want goat, papa, want -'
Here, You run along into the other room
ike a good girl and you shall have a goat"
Z had at least hteu made clear IN the pa
ternal mind that something was wanted and
wanted badly
The little maid returned to her advisers
,flice and told him of the success, ot the mis-
ION You know how to get goats, She re
marked apProyingly. and rewarded the law
rer in a coin which does not usually pass
urrent in law offices Buffalo Express
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14
A WOMAN RECEIVING A LETTER.

She took the lattt.r in her hand
Th,. envelope She krenly scanned:
The addD'>S several times she rad
Il wonder who It's from, she said;
Il know the writing very well,
But who's. il is cannot tell
With CURIOSITY Sht. burned,
And Straightway 10 the pOstmark turned.
The postmark' that will end the doubt"
Twas blurred: she could not make il out.
4 dark cloud Ger her viSage stole,
And kerncSt anguish wrung her soul
TIL" addu'sS she again pcrlrSnd:
Who can have written it p" sh unused.
Sh" could not with the pruIL.m cope,
And :" She broke the envelope.
Her last resource she uad no better
And then she knew who wrote the Lite
Boston Courier
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14


"Am Pardon johnson in de hall this eaven-
I'M asked the president, as he turned his
gaze toward the stove, behind which Pardon
is sure to be seated if the thermometer marks
less than eighty degrees above.
Yes sab"
Den please step dis way until spoke
few words wild you. Pardon, ] understand
dat you am Studyin' to he dOctah.
Yes, sah"
Oats good news. an lie personally glad
ont Dey ana sartin things about the doctah
bizness which you should alluS keep in view.
In de fust place. look dignitcd an act wise.
Many a man who doan' know 'nutf TO come
IN when il rains has kept de fact from de
public by lookn' as if he knew all dat had
happened in dis world eber since de fust sun
rose an sot"
Yes, sah'
III you am called in a case an YOU find you
doan know wheder de pusson has got small
poH or de measles, doan gin yerself away too
quickly Gin de case few days TO develop,
an it will turn out to he one or the odder.
After it turns out you want TO remark dat
you war suah of it fun de fust."
Il understands"
"Neber gin up case De doctah who ad-
mits dat he cant do a pashient any good
loses prestige; de doctah who hangs by till de
patient goes under ground kin say dat nobody
could hev saved him"
Il was intendIu to say dat, sab
Keep your prescriptions an awful secret,
Pardon. If you should tell sick man dat
you had given him a Dover's powder or some
Peruvian bark he would neber get well
Your only safety am in deceivin' your pa
shentS If de medicine works all right dey
will git well and praise your skill; il it works
de odder way de undertaken an sexton will
hide he fack under ground"
"Dats what I'm calkerlatin' on"
AN, lastly, Pardon. enter into partnership
wild some druggist as soon as you make your
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14
euRDETTE
Pays a Tribute to the Me. nory Of Bis
Meek hammered school T.2her.


Bennie Gibbs is one of the dsring. venture
some boys in my memory of school days. His
pa was a school director, and consequently
Bennie defied the teachers in the Gibbon
school TO an extent that made him heroic III
our ewes IL was always understood that
Bennie was TO test every new teacher TO see
how much sass" he would take before he
broke out and left the reservation. One time
old Mr. Gray son was sick and substitute
took the school for a few weeks The SubSti-
tute was mild looking man. of middle age,
somewhat hali. with u thin neck sandy com
plcxiOn, meek voice and paddock wGiskers.
Not boy Of Us was afraii Of such looking
took the field for reconnaissance the first
morning First he dropped Il book on the
floor. Theu he dropped his slate Then he
pushed the big dictionary of the table. Then
he whispered. Then he left his seat without
permission. Then he slammed the door like
an earthquake hen he went into the rocita
tion room. Then he whStled once Then be
mswed softly, like a cat Then he wbined
like dog. Then he said "Maamf" very
loudly and pertly when the new teacher
poke TO him very mildly, aud We all laughed
ourselves tirrd Then Bonnie coushed like
IN old man. Then it was time for recess and
the new teacher looked at his watch and told
uptoed ucellV down the aisle to Ben
nIs Gibbs seat. Ho took Bennie by
both shoulders and Churned him up and
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14
BILL NYE
On the Value of Documentary Proof Of
Sclf Defense.

Sclf Defense.
Probably no legal phrase in common use is
% little understood, and through this ignor-
ance so fruitful Of the long, tedious and eS-
pensiye litigation which it is said TO De the
object Of law TO prevent, as the two harmless
hooking words Of self defense" In law the
term embraces and describes "ali the rights
conferred upon the individual to protect by
his own acts and agencies his property or
his person against some injury unlawfully
attempted to lie inflicted 10y another This
definition should be committed 10 memory
by every schooIboy in the land He will
then have laid the foundation for knowl-
edge of the law of self defense which may be
of great value to him in after life
But the chief difficulty in setting up and
proving self defense in a court Is twofold.
First-We must be thoroughly convinced
that great injury to person or property Is
contemplated
Sscond-We must bs able 10 establish by
proof that such INJURY 10 person OF property
was SO contemplated by tho assailant at the
time Of the self defense alleged.
In other words tho identity Of the aSSaiant
and his sincere desire 10 do US great INJURY,
either TO person or property, must be proved
beyond the possibility of a reasonable doubt
in tho minds Of the highly intelligent jury.
This is not So easy as at first appears We
must establish by some proof that Is free from
bias or prejudics that the defendant was Just
in the act of imbruing his hands IN cur gore
or about 10 commit felony when We sInote
him, as set up in our defense Therefore the
testimony Of members of the family would
have little weight with an average jury.
For these reasons, which l trust | have
made quite clear, it has occurred to me that
documentary evidence would be the best.
Supposing that awake in the night from a
sound and innocent slumber to find the bulls
eye of a total stranger shining III my eyes l
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14
Signed in the presence OF
The Value of Legal Advice.

The firm of lawyers from which President
cleveland graduated into his present high Of
fee still maintains its organization and
standing in the profession. The gentleman
VINO succeeded to the president place in the
firm is known as the Tall Sycamore Besides
being good lawyer and astute politician be
Is also the father Of the prettiest of blue
eyed and blonde haired little lassies. This
little maid has reached the mature age Of 4
years Sometimes she comes to the historical
office in the Weed block TO pay her respects
to the members Of the firm and incidentally
TO bring bit of sunshine into the ordinary
gloom of professional work. On onq, qcca-
sion when the Tall Sycamore's little. girl was
at the office her father was busy with a num-
Der Of gentlemen, The little less wandered.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14
Mistake of the Reporter.

Speaking OF ex-President johnson while on
his memorable trip to Chicago in October,
1866, be stopped over at the Continental
hotel in Philadelphia on the first night out Of
Washington, and during the reception in that
city adeIegation of tailors passed the hotel
carrying a transparency presenting Adam
and Eve constructing their fig leaf garments.
johnson saw this, and in his haranSue to the
paradcrs told them, Our father and head
was a tailor" What was Mr. JOhnson's sur
prise the next morning to find these words
reported "Our Father in Heaven was a
tailor" and an editorial attack upon him in
The Press for blasphemy Cor. New York
Times.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14

start People VINO am toolsh muir TO ran
sick mus expect to pay well fur der meGi-
Ciues. De hundred per cent profit which de
druggist calkerlGtes on kin jist as well be
made a hundred an forty, an de extra goes
to you An some more lastly, doan' hey
muffin TO do wId patent medicines II pa
shient of yours has brui>e doan permit him
to buy his salve or linImcnI of de shelf You
kin git 81 for wri,m him out prescrip~huu
fur de VERY same thing
Il learned dat de VERY first week, sab
Exactly. lzr glad 80 sec you hev tumLIed
TO all de little rarkets, an on behalf Of dis
club bid you good speed. Detroit Free
Press
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14

'N'IN Wv IN Iti Iul'i IL ubNl hh
the side, crawlcd in behind it and spread a
sheet of music over his head.
Tho stage manager came forward to the
footliShtS and inquired what was wanted.
The tall mau with selfcockmg credentials
answered simply:
BY dashety blank to blank blank and back
again, | want my wife
The manager stepIed back into the wings
for a moment, and when he came forward he
also had a large musical instrument such as
Mr.. Remington used to make before he went
into the type writing business. can still re-
member how large the hole in the barrel
looked TO me- and how | wished that bad
gone to the meeting of the literary club that
evening, rs | had at first intended to do.
Literature was really more in my line
than the drama. still thought that it Was
not too late, perhaps, and 50 | rose and went
out quietly 50 not to disturb any one, and
as l went down the aisle the tall man and
stage manager exchanged regrets.
looked back in time TO see the tall man
fall in the aisle with his face in the saudust
and his hand over his breast Then | went
out of the theatre in an aimlcSs sort Of way.
taking a northCaSterlv direction as the crow
flies do not think ran over a mile or two
i'll this way before | discovered that | WIS
going directly away from home. rested
a while and theu returned.
On the street met the stage manager and
the tall, dark man. They said that they we're
very sorry to notice that | got up ana came
away at point in the programme where
they had introduced what they regarded as
the best feature Of the show
This incident had great deal to do with
turning my attention i'll the direction of lite
nature instead OF the drama
But ! am glad 10 notice that many OF the
horrors Of the drama are being gradually
eliminated as the country gets more thickly
settled, and the CORY tragedy of few years
ago is gradually giving place to the refining
influences of the Tin Soldier and a Rag
Baby. Bill Nye in Chicago News.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14

Town for a while and then he shook him
until BennieS hair began 10 ly out. and then
he bent over the shrinking lad aud wore out
IN ebony ruler on him Then he said, in
meek timid way The school may have re
.,.SS." and touched the bell for Us to go out.
We walked Nut like boys walking 10 their
pwn executions That night Nr, Gibbs went
to see the new teacher about II, and that
meek man beat him with a chair leg until he
had To Ire put {" bed You never saw such
man. He wasn't afraid Of anybody. One
Iay he put the president Of the board of edu-
alton out of the school room because hs
riticised the way the new man taught long dI
.i,ion This teacher, whose name wa. Moss
Il Meeker went into the Union army soon
after the war broke out. and when O4Ie Of our
DID bows. George Slucum, Missouri boy.
who had gone into the Confederate army and
was sarvln. under Price. heard that Merker
wa. in Grierson's cavalry, hs deserted and
,ame north and shot Oft three fingers Of his
riEht hand to ayoii the draft He >aii a.
soon As he heard that old Meeker had enlisted
he knew the south had chance. Meeker Is
A preacher now He has been preaching in
the same church for eighteen years. and never
had but one rov with the choir. That was
the first Sunday he preached, and they do say
that now II he ordered that choir Ia sing the
long meter dONOlogy to Amsterdam or
Silver Street" they'd do it, IL il burst the
organ. - Robert J. Burdette in Brooklyn
Esgla
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14

A. LAPEL has a ku@wing cat in bis grist
mill that has bcen tier. loug enough to 10
familiar with ths business. Upon opening
his place Of la, ,nesS one morning Mr. LAPEL
found the cat had caught rat and placed
the sam. on thu scales to he weighed. The
slide on the weighing liar was at the exact
weight of ths Tat-two pounds. Whether the
cat climbed the scales after placing the ra,
on the platform and actually weighed ths
rat Mr. LAPEL Is not prepared to say
STANTON W. Courier
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14

Frank Butler remarked after one of his
races for the Derby that he could have won
on either of the first three horses. do not
know who the other two jockeys that opposed
him were, but | can quite understand the
thing being feasible.
Two men had ridden their own horses in a
race. After it was over, the winner, who only
gained the verdict by head, said to his op-
ponent:
Now, if you like, l will change horses and
run for the same amount again, weights and
distances as before
This the other jumped at, and, after due
law, il was run off, when, TO his utter aston
ishment. the loser of the first race was again
beaten, and the losing horse successful
Many instances are to be read Of where
Jockeys, after winning race or match, have
persuaded some friend or master TO buy the
horse that was opposed to them and make I,
match with ths winner, in which the verdic;
has been reversed
The Druid records enc or two instances il
which the Chifneys accomplished feats Of this
sort. OF course sometimes it may happen
from their not considering the beaten hors'
quite up TO the mark at the time he ran; but
it Is recorded also that in well known case
they have seen that he has not been SO han
died as to make the most of him-Chicagc
Tribuns
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14


The Bella Union was pretty fair sample
Of the theatre in those days. 1t vas a low.
wooden structure with perpetual hand on
the outside, that played gay and festive cir
Gus tunes early and often Inside You could
poison your soul at the bar and see the show
at one and the same price Of admission In
an adjoining room silent men joined the hosts
of faro and the timid tenderfoot gambol i
DER the green.
visited this place of amusement one even
ing in the capacity Of n reporter for the
paper would not admit this, even at this
late day, only that it has been overlooked in
Mr. Talmage since: and IT he could 20
through such an ordeal III the interests of hu-
manity. might I've forgiven tor going there
professionally to write up the show for our
amusement column.
The programme was quite varied. Negro
minstrelSy, sleight of hand. opera boufe,
high tragedy and that oriental style Of
quadrile called the khan khan, if my slug
Gi>h memory lie not at fault, formed the
principal attractions Of the evening.
At about 1880 or / U'clOrk the khan khan
was produced upon the stage In the midst
of ii a tall man rose up at the back of the
hall and came firmly down the aisle with a
large, earnest revolver in his right hand He
was powerfully built man, with a dyed
uu~tache and wicked eve on each side Of his
thin, red nose He threw up the revolver
with little click that sounded very loud to
me, for he had stopped right behind me and
rested his left band on my shoulder as he
gazed over on the stage. could distinctly
hear his breath come and go, for il was q
very loud breath with the odor Of onions and
emigrant whisky upon il.
Tue orchestra paused in the middle of a
snort, and the man whose duty it was 10 swal-
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14

so you want my daughterr queried a
Chicago capit ali>t aS the young MAN finish "a
MS address and stood aith folded arms.
81 do"
Ethel is used 10 luxury. YOU kn:Ws'
"Yes, sir, and she shall IIave all that heart
ran wish"
But you are poor youog man, just get
ting a start IN BakOta'
Am Il guess nss. Our county has Issued
bonds to the ansoulEt OF $50, ,OOO for internal
improvements. j a3n county treasurer and
as1 all contracts" z
Take her, WiIiIicl, snd remember that1n-
Uegrity is the ekeynotsto suoces. Wall Street
Daily News
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14

Customer-Does Gus De Smith keep run
ming account herel
Grocer-Oh, yes; he keeps the account and
I do the running, trying 10 collect it-Texas
Siftings
"Stewed prunes" have been in con-
tempt since Shakcspcarc's day, but the
prune crop of Santa Clara county, Cal,
this season will be worth 81, 200, GOO -
Thina usrsI..
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14
Irr HrUNGER THEATRE.


stead ot the hrnnEa-
Those wrr, trrubI,-nmn tImc>. indeed,
when We were trying to s.ttle up the new
world and a few other matters at the same
time
Little do the soit-Uycd SOUS Of prosperity
Understand to-day. rs they walk the paved
streets OF the west under the cold glitter Of
the electric light, surrounded by all that can
go TO make life sweet and desirable, that not
many years ago on that SANE ground their
fathers fought the untutored savage b.
night and chased the bounding buffalo by
day
All all is changed Time in his restless
and reslStle>S flight has filed away those early
years IN the county clrk', Office, and these
times are not the old times. NIth the march
Of civilization notice that II l. safer for
man to attend theatre than "a the early
days of the wild and woody west. Time has
made it easier for one to go to the opera aId
bring his daylightS home with hun than IL
used 10 I've
1t seems but n few short wears since my
roommate came home one night with long
red furrow plowcd along the top of his head,
where some gentleman at the theatre had
shot him by mistake MY roommate said
that tall ulu had rhio,tcd 10 the pianist,
and sug.g-,rl Iaar G" vas PLAY ing piamI@
,imo when he should have played fortISSImo,
and trouble grew out Of this. which bad
ended in the death of the pianist and the
injury of several diSlntcrestrd spectators.
And yet the excitement of knowing that
YOU might I've killed at any moment made
the theatre more attractive, aud instead OF
soaring mcm away it rath induced patron
-
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-11-14
A Guilty Conscience Make. Cowa.d..

Hey, there, You've got my umbrella I've
faInd it t-last. have I,'' exclaimed large
sized man, in loud and menscing tone, as
he stood in a doorway on oue Of the principal
streets one ralny morning recerdlT while a
number of pedestrians wero hurrstng past. A
sdczen men tuf,sed Mt once on hearing him.
azd came toyard him, holding outliheir unl.
brelas and IHaking protuss apologies. With
the air of 20 injured individual, She largo
m an seleCsa fine silk one fhom a-1ong the
nV mber, aai the procession moYed Oh again.
- Chi ,lgol1ribma