The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-06-10
HUMOR.


SIGNS of spring-bull-frogs and other
croak cusses.
As home-ruler the cook is a su-
preme success.
A BABY does not dissemble. He al
ways hollers when he feels holler.
A aRAMxARIAN would, no doubt, de-
fine Adams original position as first
person, singular"
"WHAT bell are you ringing?" he
asked of the colored sexton, Dis is
de secon' ring of de fus bell"
A YOUNG lady, who said she had
married tanner, deceived her friends
most shamefully. He was only school
master.
SHE-What a man you are, George,
always making fun of the ladies' taper
waists He-And what should do
with taper but to make light Of it?
EMPLoYER-"Don't you see what's
on the door?" Pat-"A bit of paper,
sur" Employer-"It says, please shut
the door," Pat -"Fait, didn't hear
it, sur"
"Do YOU work miracles here?" said
an intruder who had come IN to break
up the meeting. NO." said the leader,
as he collared the rascal, "but We cast
out devils !"
"IT takes a superior woman to be an
old maid" says Miss Sedgwick, the au-
thoress. She generally becomes an old
maid before she discovers her superior
ity.-Mauerick
The bow-legged man may not stop a
pig from passing him in the alley, but
his usefulness to ssciety Is recognized
when the marble season bursts npon
the small boy in all of its bloom
Maverick.
SEEMINGLY so.
The dude sat chewing the monkeys head
That was carved in the handle OF his umbrella,
When the beautiful maiden. shuddering, said,
"Oh please don't do that again, dear Fred"
And he asked, in surprise, why not dear
Why not, ask youP" Because, said she,
1T looks like cannbalism to me-"
Boston Courier.
BoARDING-HoUsE keeper to applicant
for room: what is your business,
young man?" Il am an instructor,
madam. I coach deficient collegi-
ans" "Eh-what's that?" "a tutor,
madam; am tutor" "Oh, one of
them gents that plays in the band, Ell?
All right, / didn't know but what you
was one of them poor miserable fellers
that gets their livin' by teachin' Come
right in, sir. "-Burlington Free
Press.
IT looked like rain as Mr.. Joblittle
started out of the house, and he came
back into the room where his wife was.
81 thought you had gone down to meet
the boys?" she said, quietly. Il start
ed, my dear, but it looks like rain"
SAINT you going?" Eyes, but guess
I'd better take a waterproof along with
me-" Perhaps you had, my love-" she
said, ironically; "and, dear, don't you
think you had better take q whisky
proof along?" Job concluded that the
proof was against him-Merchant
Traueler.
HOW THEY ARE PRONOUNCED BY SEN
sIBLE PEOPLE.
| Long time he'd been away from home,
| The Reverend Mr. Harris;
| When he returned he told his wife
| That he had been to Paris.
And when he asked his wife about
| His little girls and boys.
! She said that they visiting
| An aunt in Illinois.
She said she was in failing health
And If he had the means.
AS far as New Orleans.
He said MY dear you'll have the trip
| The proper thing to do is
| To go together, and We'll take
The steamer at st. Louis.
| Boston Courier
GENTLEMEN, said Dakota Justice
of the Peace, taking fresh bite of to-
bacco, when the attorney for the de-
tense, recent importation from the
played-out and rundown East, says
that this court is not run in accordance
with business principles he shows that
he is not on intimate or friendly terms
with inside facts. charged the plain
tiff so for beginning this suit, it costs
the defendant So for the privilege of
being heard on his side, have decided
to fine each party SO and L would
further, gentlemen, take this ERE pub
lie method of seeking fine of Sl5 for
contempt of court onto the beforein-
mentioned Pickering legal light from
the spawned East. And gentlemen and
fellow-citizens, femme say further. that
this $50, together with certain other
moneys paid in at this shrine of justice,
goes to buy boss for this ere court,
which may serve to convince the legal
gentleman who Injuries the chances of
the defendant for $3.50 day and found
that he is mistaken in his business prin-
cipal racket. All parties to this action
will please step for'ard and whack up"
-EStelline Bell
A New Lake.
The episode of AXE Anderrack has