The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-02-16
THE LIME KILN CLUB
Brother Paradox johnson is Taught that
He Must shun the Theoretical.
netrot Free PressI


Detroit Free Pressl
Gam KurneI Paradox johnson in de hall
dis eavenin'T' blan1ly inquired Brother
Gardner. as the regular weekly meeting
opened on the forty-seventh degree In due
AMI regular shape.
The ''Kurner' erosa. He was there. Some
time ago he invented the theory that Cana
da thistles could be cultivated to bear mus
tard plasters, and his countenancs now be-
erayed the fact that he expected to be patted
on the back and ordered to take the stool or
honor, under the Bear Traps.
''Kurnel johnson will please step dis
way continued tho president, and the
Kurnel advanced to the front, bestowing
look of threa-ply contempt on the Hon.
Erastus Furlong as he passed him.
''Brudder johnson" said the president, as
the victim stood before him with folded
arms, ~T want to spoke to you in de plainest
English language Farm dat you hev' in
vented theoryF
'sYes, sah.n
"It has bin long time workin up to
climax, hasn't itP'
''Bout a var, sab"
CT thought so. 1t was bout y ar ago dat
Noticed you quit work, an began to sot
around ON de curbstone. You didn't cotch
on to dis theory widout hard struggle, did
your
''No, sah It jist almoas' upset my
mind
ST thought so. remember when you gin
up de curbstone fur saloon society. Later
on you began to play craps an policy
Towards de last agony Of your struggle you
begun to shake dice an buy lottery tickets
on de money your wife ARMED at de wash
tub. Inventin' theory powerful hard
work Brudder Johnson"
Eyes sahn
'It am 80 hard dat your wife an chilPen
am now bsggfn' fur bread an ole clothes,
while you am in debt to everybody who'd
trus' you. and your lanl lord am gwine to
frow you out o de house."
"I--I Is sorry, sab, but 1 couldn't help it. "
a8rudder Johnson said the president in
q voice that made Elder Toots shiver like q
fadec burdock in winters gale. Il want
to say to you, an to all other members OF
dis club freu you, dat no culled man in
America has any bizness wild a theory-aI
original theory. If white folks has got time
nun an money huff to loaf round an dis
kiver-in deir own minds-dat the moor
am full o jackasses which gaIop VI
an down, or dat the norf star con
tains a race o. people who walk Oh
DER heads an feed dem selves wild DER toes
dat's all right De problem wild de GUILD
man am, fust, bread an butter; second
house rent an raiment; third SIGH eddica
shun as viii enable him an his'n to write
an receive letters; keep posted on current
events; fgger up how much weeks wages
comes TO at dollar day; realize dat d.
Atlantic am upon one side of us an de Pa
cifc de odder, an hev de sense to go T.
de polls an vote fur honest, decent candi
dates, no matter on what ticket DER name
appear. shan't fac you, an doan' wan
to expel you, but you win retire to de ante
room with Giveadam Jones fur de space o
tan minits If you hold to any pertickle
theory arter he gets freu wild you it will b
sunthin' you am PERFECTLY welcome tor
When the seKurner returned to the hal
after the proceedings" he was a change,
man. One coat tail was entirely miss ing
the other badly battered, and his genera
appearance was that Of man who had me
the tail end of a cyclone in country where
there was nothing to hang to.