The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-05-06
THE MERRY SIDE I

ILL uu1llll i O1DI
sailor never looks down-neither does a
Democrat. It's of no use.
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We believe the year has four seasons-but
we'd like to know where they are.
**T
Geronimo, asurrended to Gen. Crook" but is
now numbering people in Arizona.
'Gen. Butler is dead ~ The General was a
famous trotting- horse, in New York.
"Facts are worth nothing after alll'' said
the enthusiast-"even a block-head is a solid
fact"
."A girl in La Crosse has tasted for forty seven
days." Perhaps they only offer her "frst- class
cookery.
Many youth thinks he is an old tree, as soon
as the moss begins to loom up on the sides of
his face.
When dog staggers and slobbers in the
street, he's mad, is he? Then what of the man
who does it?
Two burglars tried to carry off the Middleport
Postofice, but citizens frightened them, and
they had to drop it.
There is but one chance for Democrat to get
the Louisville Postoffice. He must wait until
Mrs. Thompson dies.
The strike in the sugar factories is not serious,
after all. 1t will only cause the grocers to use
little more water.
Reuben Wilson, an Athens County School
Teacher, got certificate for ten years. Reuben's
70 10 to fI,a
A man in New Jersey lived three years with
his neck broken-but this will not take all the
terrors away from hanging.
The Independents" of New York, who took
Mr.. Cleveland for an angel, have discovered
that he is only q Democrat.
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The Louisville Courier Journal asks ''what is
Democracy ?' Democracy is a disease and is
generally pronounced incurable.
Barnum has tried to secure Australian boom
erang-throwers, and pronounces the stories re-
gardipg them as crooked as the sticks.
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The blackbird is singing merriIy to cheer the
farmer in his work Next week the farmer
will be pursuing him with shotgun.
a man don't go around squirrel on a tree. He
proved it-there wasn't any squirrel there.
The Democratic party would have delighted
to be in Montgomery, Alabama, last week.
Everybody there shouted for JEFF. Davis.
So
The expression "brutal MURDER" still glares,
from the public prints. What we
want to hear of is murder that is not brutal.
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There are too many people in this world who
are public-spirited in the same manner as the
rooster which finds a worm, calls all the hens
hen swallows the worm.
A circus and menagerie and the Salvation
Army appeared on a recent Sunday in Pome-
10y. Thus Pomeroy taste was pleased. Jack
ION was at Sunday School.
Parent to striking gSchool-boy-"And couldn't
you make your teacher arbitrate? ?"
Boy-"Oh yes! He was altogether arbitrary.
That's why I stand up while eat.'
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The Report of the Payne Investigating Conn
nittee has been received by the q. S. Senate,
Ind the nation will soon have free look at
)hio's boil.
The Courier-Journal regards Hayes as very
heap statesmen. And yet Uncle Sam Tilden
hadn't money enough to bay one little State
rom him.
Gallipolis has demanded the resignation of
Jouncilmen who took pay for their services.
The city can perhaps plead want of considera-
ion.
The Ironton Register says: "How about q
christian lady going to Church and worshiping
Tod with the murdered birds on her bonnet?"
Possibly her praise don't go higher than her
lead.
An Assessor in Scioto County didn't list
hounds, because informed that they were not
considered as dogs No wonder it has been but
short time since the flood reached Portsm outh.
Mclean is charged with suggesting Taft as
he Republican candidate for President in '8S.
No, no! Lets have reform campaign. Let
he fight be between Cleveland and Bristow.
A New Jersey doctor who had been in Texas,
ried to shoot q can from his servants head, and
titled him. The doctor handled the rifle as
veil as he did the pills.
At Benton, Mo-, the dogsery-keepers placed
Jroton oil in ihe water pitcher at a temperance
Meeting. 1t was perhaps the best drink they
lad in. their dens.
strange disease has broken nut in West Vir-
inia. The victim becomes spotted after death.
his should be warning-there's rattlesnakes
n the whisky over there.
ga schooner capsized in the Potomac River,
nd three men were drowned" Had they been
ohio men, they wouldn't have been hurt by
he upsetting of the schooner. They would
ave just opened their mouths.
The Cincinnati doggery-keepers threaten to
the Law and Order League, for get
ing minors to purchase liquor. Not much
yot as long as they send the money with the
hildren!
Legislators should reflect that the fact that
hey "have been approached" by Democratic
soodle Agents, is nothing to brag of. It's not
omplimentary to them. The Agents general
y pick the men they regard as purchaseable.
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jeff Davis made speech at Montgomery,
Alabama, on the "25th anniversary of the Or
of the Southern Confedacy." The
Id lady did not appear in her petticoats on
his occasion.
man will laugh q woman to scorn for pay
ng ten dollars for spring hat, then go right
If himself and pay hundred dollars for a
looded.cow not much bigger than sheep, and
eel that he has made splendid bargain.
A pretty girl of Grand Rapids married
worthless gambler, and, when he had spent all
lcr money, fell dead at his feet Now, girls,
ct us give you some advice. Ifyou are going
o fall dead at gamblers feet, do the dying
ct frst-before you marry him.
Talk about "the superiority of man.! Why,
woman will cut down more lawn grass with
~, old ,oir of ccixSor< and In if halter in the