The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-05-13
MARRYING UNDER DIFF
CULTTES.
BY MISS AMELIA THRoPP.

James Spooney, vulgarly called by
his neighbors Spooney Jim, was the son
of well-to-do farmer in the State of
P. At the time he is introduced to
the reader he is in his twenty-eighth
year. He had never been very far from
home, consequently had seen very little
of the world. He was an industrious,
harmless young man, whose fortune
could never be made by his beauty. He
was very tall, thin, and remarkably
awkward, with small, dull-looking blue
eyes of so pale hue that they looked rs
If the color was faded out, abundant red
hair. fiorid complexion, and large. coarse
features.
However, there is no accounting for
taste, for Jemima Jenkins, the daughter
of an adjoining farmer, declared he was
"iist the handsumist man she ever cast
eyes upon"
Now, James had great admiration
for the fair damsel, who in her personal
appearance was as little favored as
himself. She was a short, stout, tow
headed girl. with a freckled skin, which
looked as if the flies had been sporting
with it The ill-natured in the neigh
borhood who knew of their courtship.
earnestly hoped they might come to-
gether in matrimony, arguing that it
would be a pity to spoil a good-looking
couple with either.
One bright, sunny Sabbath afternoon
in midsummer. as Jim was lying upon
the grass in front of the door of his
fathers house planning for the future,
one of the first things that occurred to
him was that he should get married.
Dads sot on it." he thought land
SO is mann, and ort tu try and please
'em-it's time. could rent old Jake
Spangler's farm, and the money I've
got inter the bank ill stock it, and
Mimie's daddy he'll furnish the house
like he did fur Mat Bum, who married
her sistur Sally Ann. l think I'll jist
go over to old jenkins and ask hur-
there's nothin' like strikin' while the
irons hot"
Suiting the action to the word he
sprang up and started for the honse.
and neatly attired himself. putting some
extra touches to his toilet before starting
on bis important mission. He lookedS
decidedly gay when he had attired him.
self in his long gray linen coat, bright
red waistcoat, straw hat, with blue
ribbon around it, short. very wide linen
pants, and large, heavy shoes He
made fast time as he crossed his fathers
farm, jumping fences and bitches until
he found himself upon Squire jenkins
land. AS he neared the house he beheld
his divinity sitting upon a grassy
mound, beneath large willow tree,
some little distance from the house.
"Oh, glorious opportunity" thought
Jim. Il kin jist sottle the matter now.
maxim short work on 1t.
As he approached he felt a slight
trembling of the limbs. a nervous sensa-
ton, but he made up his mind that he
was not going to be frightened from his
purpose.
"a gal kin only say no, to du her
wust, and there's plenty on 'em if she
does. They are jist rs thick as black
berries-I kin git another if she's con-
trary."
Summoning up his courage he shout
ed:
Halo, Minnie! be it youP How does
yer beP"
"Fust rate, Jim! how be yer l am
glad yer come, fur I've been lookin' fur
yer"
THE purity critter, she's jist Dustin
with luv' fur me-" soliloquised the
lover.
..Is yer dog tied up, MimieP" asked
Jim, '.fur I'm afeard Nv that Gus, look
ing nervously around. ''Tother night
as Bill Jones an me wus going home
frum here, he takes arter us. Bill he
runs purity spry, he has sich big feet he
kin git over ground very handy, but jist
as he went tn jump over the horse
trough, he tripped, and in he goes. He
hollered tn me fur help, but, laws! jist
keeps clear out his way, when the tarnal
critter leaves Bill and makes fur me, an
hangs on tu my coat tail with sich a
grip that when managed tn shake him
off he had the whole Nv my spankin'
new coat tail inter his big jaws! Bill he
jist stood and laughed fit tn split hisself.
He wus mad cause he got duckin'."
"Sakes alive! yer mi ght hev bin kilt"
said Jemima. "I'n coax dad .tu shoot
him."
s.Mima," said Jim, anxious to proceed
to business, whilst his face became as
red as beet Il want tu ask yer some
thin pertickiler. Yer kin either say
yes or no, but course I'd sooner it wus
yes. Dad wants me tn git married. and
SO does mann, and reckon you'd du jist
as well as any one else, so jist thought
I'd ask yer"
Jemima simpered and hung her head
at last she said:
There's Lydie Ann Blinker yer could
git"
Wont have her, cause she's lame"
"Well, Sally Jane Grubb-how du yer
like her?'
"She won't du, cause she talks
through her nose"
There's Ruthie Simpkins, won't she
suit yerP"
No, she won't, now, cause she's
blind in one eye"
..Yer jist tn pertickaleer, Jimr' said
Nina, delighted to think he preferred
her to all others. Il won't praise any
other gal tn yer. You don't want to git
married anyhow. What's the use of yer
foolin'?'
Ibid the gal mean tn say MOP Lor,
women wus SO queer" he soliloquised,
and backed off, alarmed at Mimie's
manner, knocking, as he did so, against
and upsetting hornets nest, which SO
enraged the inmates that they made
grand attack on him.
..Oh, Jemima! Jemima! Jem!-take
'em of; oh, oh, blazes, OH" and before
she could realize the situation, he rush
ed by like a flying machine, beating
his limbs with his straw hat, his red hair
fairly blazing in the sunlight.
There was no time for love or romance
with poor Jim nOw-the situation was
practical.
BLESS my starsr' cried the terrified
Jemima, Jim Spooney has jist gone
mad. Stop, Jim, stop, fur the land sake
stopr'
Not knowing what course to pursue.
she stood looking in dismay after her
sHittly departing loYer.- AS he attsmpa