Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1886-08-05
IMPAIRED.

President Cleveland's appetite is said to
have become impaired since his marriage
It is conjectured that his wife has been trying
her hand at cooking and baking.-Norris
town Herald.
Parson Downs says he is surrounded by
vipers. That's just like a viper; never cares
cent who it goes with. It's wonder q
viper has any kind of reputation left, it's Sc
wickedly careless.-Burdette.
ssI ana perfectly at home in the water, u
said an old topper as he plunged into the surf.
ssThat is where you have the advantage over
water" was the unfeeling remark of by
stander who knew him.-Boston Post.
"Will you please give me dimea" said a
tramp ''I'm blind" fYou can see out of
one eye as well as can.' replied the gentle
man importuned. "You are only half
blind" s'Then give me half dime" said
the tramp.-Harper's Bazaar.
"Better go out to the ball ground this af.
ternoon; there's going to be a fine game"
Chow do you know." II was present a.
Jim Doolans last night when the umpire
sold the game to our boys. 1t was as fair a
deal as 1 ever w.''-Tidbits.
"I have discovered another person to be
placed on the list of those who never will be
missed" observed the snake editor. "Who
is it?' asked the horse editor. "The girl
who gets married People cease to Miss
A very fastidious young man from the city
happened to attend a country ball. Becom-
ing enamored OF the belle Of the evening, he
asked if he might claim her for a partner in
a waltz ON the programme.
"No, much bleeged, was the artless reply;
tthem round dances allus- turns my stom-
ach." Detroit Free Press.
An Englishman shooting small game in
Germany remarked to his host that there
was a spice of danger in shooting in Amer
ica "Ah," said the host, "you like danger
nit me- De last time l shoot mine bruder-
in-law in de schtomaek. New York Tele.
gram.
Gol-A Texas school teacher lost one Of
his scholars very suddenly and unexpectedly
The class was parsing a sentence. What
is the imperative of the verb to goa" asked
the teacher. ssI dunno" 'sGol' shouted
the teacher. ssThank you'll" murmured the
lad as he shot out of the door before the
teacher could prepare his veto message. -
Texas Siftings.
A Scriptural Panorama-The regular iect-
urer to the panorama being i'll, his assistant
behind the scenes, a Hibernian, othclated IN
that capacity one night. Lecturer--''This
movin' scane, gintlemen and ladies, repre-
sints Daniel in the Lions Den: rms is
Daniel betwixt the lions" Auditor-"Be
them wild lions or circus lions? Lecturer
esI pity the ignorance of the like of yez, sor.
This was B, c. before circuses. ."-Texas
Siftings.
Even the horse jockeys in Boston are cpl
erammatic. It is related that gentleman
Who was trying horse in company with a
jockey noticed. after having driven him
mile or two, that he pulled pretty hard, re-
ouiring constant watching and a steady rein,
and inquired: ''Do you think it just the
horse for lady to drive?o "Well, sir, )" an
swered the Jockey, 'l must say 1 shouldn't
want to marry the woman who could drive
that horse. San Francisco Argonaut.
Rosy little Dmplecheeks
Came painting in from play,
Tired out and sleepy too,
Twas such scorching day.
On my knee she dozed awhile,
Then said, up she looked
ssFolks call winter weather raw;
1 think this must be cooked. -
--Harper's Young People.