The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1886-01-21

OI IdSQlOu t0dL BIaQQS, with cruel HRnQ8,
Oespoiling the songful nest?
Above that voice have you never heard
The voice of the helpless, hunted birdP
-Cartotta PERU. In Democrats Monthly.
A DELICATE SITUATION.
The Trials OF q Man with q Klep-
tomaniac Wife.
l must commence this narrative with q
most painful admission-my wife Is a con-
firmed kleptomaniac. In all other respects
she is an admirable woman, though I say it
who shouldn't. She is beautiful-at least in
my eyes; she Is comparatively young,
though perhaps she might not like me to be
precise on this point; she has troops of
friends and no lack Of anything that q hus-
band in comfortable circumstances and
devotedly attached to her can supply; and
yet, owing to some distressing mental dis
order. she Is continually bringing home
Other peoples property.
Nothing, I am quite sure, could be further
from her gentle disposition than the vice Of
covetousness. She does mot take things
because she wants them, or in order to
obtain q cheap qualification. So far as I
can see she Is subject merely to the same
propensity as the jackdaw.
OF wrong1d6ing. She pliers with the inno-
cencs Of the dove, cooling all the while with
that soft voice of hers, which would disarm
the most hardened sticklnr for the rights of
property; and when she lees me take any
inysfiably regards me with mute reproach.
hrst discovered her malady during our
honeymoon, which was spent in the North
of England. We were in a jewelers. shop
at the time, and q diamond ring had
let me observe that, although Maria will,
at a pinch, a / articles Of no earthly value,
portable and pleasant to look upon. The
man declared she had stolen the ring.
While I was pouring on him q hood Of
abuse, and she was entreating me to spare
him. she became so agitated at the sight of
my indignation as to have recourse to her
handkerchief. As she drew it from her
lowing a triumphant dart Of the jewelers.
hand / looked, and, 10! there was the ring.
That was the first of many painful mo-
ments- Yeti can confidently say that, in
Ssssd 8 diminishing n my love, they have in
otber feelings a great pity for her who is SO
gr1evously afflicted.
There never was q less nervous woman
than Maria; herein, I fear, lies the hopeless
ness OF her case. II I could detect even the
culver of an eyelid-and what charming
eyes she has, to be sure LAS she quietly
appropriates what belongs to another, I
might be able to a b courage But, alas!
the smile eve leaves her pretty face, her
tones never falter, her hand goes I'M
.tremblingly ON its stealthy way, as if it
were fmpelled by some invisible force
external to herself, and then the horrid
deed Is done. o, what agonies / have en-
'dured, watching without the power Of
-
what horror lest she should be caught IN
the act! always feel as guilty as if I were
her accomplice.
Night after night, when she is asleep, 1
have long made a practice of searching her
pockets, n then of creeping down stairs
to examine herprivate cabinets. The num-
Der OF things l v found secreted in one
corner or another is enough to make nv
Aalr stand on end when I think of them.
whether Maria ever misses them, whether
she knows that / have sent them back to
their owners, l have been able to
ascertain, but she has neither demonstrated
nor said a word on the subject to me. I
have noticed, however, that her hiding
places are changed from time to time,
which lookslas if she were not altogether
satisfied with them.
ABOUT q year~ago Mrs. Arbuthnot, an
acquaintance of ours, lost a valuable brace
let, which I felt quite sure Maria had
searched the house from top to bottom.
Mrs. Arbuthnot had her suspicious, I could
see, and this drove me nearly frantic, not
only with thinking of what had become of
the bracelet, but also with trying to dis
affairs.
At last I hit upon what struck me as a
really good idea. Like cures like, I argued;
if were to introduce into my house an
come disguised and alter her waysa A bad
habit In ourselves may be tolerated. but
when it crops up in others it often assumes
most repulsive aspect. and straightway
clamors for its own removal. Such, at
least, was my idea. I thought it worth a
trial.
The first thing to be lone was to secure a
genuine kleptonnaniac. With this object
IN view I inserted in several of the daily
papers the following Advertisement:
w a lady of otherwise irreproachable
habits and pleasing manners. She will be
required to act as a companion to a gentle
mans wife who is similarly afflicted. Duties
light; remuneration liberal. Apply in the
hrst instance to x. Y. T., care of a firm of
advertising agents:
Notwithstanding the frequency. with
which such articles as books and umbrellas
disappear, I had supposed kleptomania to
be q very rare disease, and, moreover, one
which few persons would care to own to.
Imagine my surprise, then, at receiving
ffty-seven swe to my advertisement,
ONOAI II VI UnO llbO Sldlk1luk W US q
lady. From the nature Of the case I could
not ask for references. Not that this
mattered much, for Ihad enough confidence
In my own Judgment to think I could do
without them.
1 went through the letters with great care,
putting aside all that tried to recommend
themselves by shamelessly describing acts
of successful pilfering. I had no hesitation
in concluding these ladies to be impostors,
attracted by the salary.
Thara ramainad inst five whn haShfpl1y
said they were considered by their friends
to be kleptomaniacs, a statement which
they did notthemselves indorse in any way.
Two Of them-if 1 recollect right, for / have
mislaid their letters-were elderly spinsters
whom the world had treated badly; the
other three were widows. All wrote at
great length, each urging, strangely enough,
that because she was poor, therefore she
ton. From their letters it might have been
supposed that each was the most unfortu-
nate person in the universe.
In the end I decided to interview all five,
discriminate between them. Accordingly
wrote to ask them all to come tony house
on q certain day, and added that / would,
Of course, defray any travelling expenses.
In order to prevent clashing, which l saw
might place me in a most unpleasant posi-.
ton, l requested n lady to present herself
p,mctuany at. IL 100 O'Clock, another at
II 40, another at IL zoo, and so IN.
There would be no difficulty from my
wife, for she was to be away from home on
that morning. 1t had been arranged that
q certain Uncle Joe should escort her to ar
exhibition which I had declined to attend.
While / pitied Uncle Joe, who was a very
irascible old gentleman, I certainly felt he
had done me q great service on this occa.
don, though even here there might be
frssh trouble in store. When confronted
By m angry stall-keeper, who accused him
AID his e~onapsnton Of stealing, ts would, ]
% een9aent, be ? rn4gr!fesnt spfst4eltl
s:s,5ss ne sssA e =, = II "ss'e % .