Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-05-20
PREFERRED THE CASH.
Mrs. Billikins' Estimate of the Value OF
Theoretical Philosophy.

1
Theoretical Philosophy.
Mabel" said Biilikins, as he sat be-
fore the fire one evening at home, read
ing a newspaper. '.here's man who
says contentment is better than Gov.
eminent bonds. wish you'd read it
/ believe it would do you good"
The mans foo" said the wife. as
she WENT on putting q patch on little
Tommy's pantaloons.
mo, indeed, my dear. It's one O.
the most sensible articles I've read in 4
long time. Glance it over. and see foI
yourself. The man reasons like s
| philosopher, and
Philosopher, tiddlesticks! I'm mar:
ried to one of them, and l have nv
opinion of the whole tribe, from wha,
l know OF him. l never saw aphiloso-
pher in my life who could build fire
that would heat up cook-stove in a
hurry. or put on child's shoes with
out getting mad over it. Don't talk to
me about philosophy. I'm sick of the
word"
"But contentment is wealth. and"
81 don't care 4 straw if it is. pre-
fer the greenbacks when the division
is made and my share handed over.
You may have all the contentment YOU
can stand up under, if you'll let me
have the cash
Nonsense, Mabel. Won't you listen
to reason9"
lyon can't reason bread and meat
into the house. or clothes to wear. nor
YOU can't pay rent with it. 1t takes
money to go to market"
Yes, l could. Mabel. 1t has ali
been done, and good deal more be-
sides. All the comforts We enjoy lave
been acquired by means of reason.
That sublime faculty marks the dis
| tinction between the brute and M n
Without reason he would still De living
in holes IL the ground and gnawin !.
bones for living. Now, all people IAN
not be rich. but
Yes. they could, if they'd only stay
'swore of. and not waste half their in
come in billiards. beer. cigars and to-
bacco. and sGuander a good share OF
the remainder in other things there
ain I no sense in. If was man I'd
show Won how to manage so YOU
wouldn't need to jump and turn white
every time the bell rings for fear it's
somebody with a bill, and
There you 60 again. How many
times have | told you that woman
can't understand any thing about busi-
ness. Suit here's something YOU can
understand. and it viii show YOU that
money is only veXation any way:
/ but
''All I've got to say. then. is. that
am nearly dead for the want of more
veXation. and d
If You want wealth. YOU can"
Il do. Stephen. and | want it bad,
or at least enough of it to make de-
cent appearance when get a chance
to put my foot outside of the house.
which is seldom. and"
Wont you never stop, Mabel? !
with his coat off! l was going to say
that money can't purchase
| ''Well, it just can, my hubby, and
that's where you miss it Give me all
the money l can handle, and
Upon my soul, Mabel, l believe
you re going crazy on the subject of
money. Don't bother YOUR mind
about thing that is so hard to get,
and mighty sight harder to keep.
Money is vain de fusion, and"
There's no delusion about me, then,
my dear: l only wish
mabel, can't you bride that tongue
for minute? want to say the world
Is rising, and money is coming -
Where, Stephen? In what direc-
ton! want to hold my apron. Is il
coming this way?''
''Ain't you got no sense in your head,
woman, or -"
well | amt got none anywhere else
now; that's as certain as -
well. if silence is gold. as they say
it is, you couldn't raise enough to buy
a feather, if pillows were selling at q
nickel piece" said Billikins, with his
vinegar smile.
And If impudence was brass, as the
papers make it out to be, YOU could fur.
nish enough to make guns for the whole
navy. and leave enough over to-
what's that you say?"
Il was merely going to whisper, my
love. that If CAB was gunshot, you
could load 'em to the muzzle. and have
enough left to sink every ship. and not
make any extra effort, either, my dear.
But mercy on us! There's the bell! Go
to the door, Mabel, won't YOU please?
That's good girl; it might be Norrius
after the rent again. and I'm not quite
ready to see him yet. Hang the man!
Why can't he be contented and let me
alone for bit? I'm not going to run
away"
Its not contentr1ent he's after, Ste.
w. dear. He's like me; he wants the
cash. said the tease, with q ringing
laugh. as she went to the door. and
ushered in company, which fortunately
put stop to further discussion.-Liqs
Broom. :" Chicago Ledger.