The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1886-05-21
HUMOROUS.

-He-"Jovel I'd like to be oner'
She-"One what?" He-"Census. Ii
embraces seventeen millions of wo-
men. life.
"A lady who was member of
class studying art concluced recita-
ton on Benjamin Hayden by saying
that toward the close of his life he
committed suicide "-Harper'S BazGr.
According to the Tribune "Astron-
ony parties are the latest fad in the
East. They are usually organized
by stepping on a segment of banana
cuticle.-1he Rambler.
1t was an ingenious idea for the
nine little Irish stowaways to hide them
selves in the pototo bin of the steamer
Helvetia and secure a free passage to
the land of the free. They thoGght,
doubtless, that among the other Muir
phys they would not be noticed---M y.
Examiner.
DE Garmo- 'Ah, Miss Racquet,
] hope shall have the pleasure of find
ing you at home Thursday evening"
Miss Racquet am sorry to say, Mr..
DE Garmo, that am going out Thurs
day evening"" De Garmo-"Ah, well,
l will leave my card; that will do as
well. It'd BIS.
Young Housekeeper-"Yo ara
sure this is the regular English break
fast tea, Mr.. Grocer?" "Oh, yes, we
warrant it. y "Well, l will take
pound, if you are sure. Our visitors
are from London, and | should be
dreadfully mortified to give them Jap
an tea by mistake. - Whitehall Times.
-Justice-"M Madam, what have you
against this man?'' Complainant
"Well, sir, he tore my dress half off. /"
elbow did he do it, madam stepped
on my trail, sir, and" MADAM,
that is impossible. This man is city
detective. He never got on any body's
trail in his life. The prisoner is dis
missed. - Chicago Journal.
-"My husband is so poetic" said
one lady to another In Seventh street
car the other day. "Haye you ever
tried rubin his j'ints with hartshorn
liniment, mum?" interrupted beefy-
looking woman, who overheard the re-
| mark. ''Thatll straighten him out as
! quick as any thing / know of, if he
hasn't got it too bad. boston Globe.
-Planter-"That vicious-looking
mule you've got there, Pompey.
Pompey-.Dat mewel, sab, am one oh
| de wondahs OBJ de world. Dat mewel
spilled me outen de wagon yessirday."
Planter -.'Is that why you call him one
of the wonders of the world?" Pom
pey-.*Yes, sab. Pompey's spiller, you
know, Hah! h2h! Ged long, dar."
--Erchange.
They will have to get some new
benches in the English Parliament now,
1 suppose, observed Mrs. Snaggs.
.'What makes you think that?' asked
her husband. 1.-The paper said that
when Gladstone finished his speech the
English and Scotch benches broke into
cheers, and of course they'll either
have to repair them or get new ones"
Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.
Horace was standing in the upper
hall one day doing something which
his mother disapNoyed of and ordered
stopped He continued at it after one
or two prohibitions, and finally she
started toward him. He darted toward
the stairway and down the stairs with
such haste that he went two, three and
four steps at time, and landed in a
, heap on the floor Gathering himself
up, he managed to climb upon a chair,
and sat there putting and painting un-
I'll his frightened mother reached him,
when he was just able to gasp out:
s.Mother, you oughtn' t-to-to-hurry
me sop'-Harper'S BGzar.