The Osceola times., 1886-05-01

hitched to swinging limb, we ar
singing, "I'm sorry ] was ever Dor
at ALL" Well, it occurred when W
we're quite small and couldn't bel
it; but there is one thing certain,
We were consulted concerning sue
an occurrence to-day, We would vot
10 defer it to future ad iniintun
and to take us ut least one thousan
miles from the Mississippi river on
point entirely above overflow.
Had Noah come this way he neve
would have struck land; and, conse
qucntly, never got drunk. No won
der he got drunk on reaching land
When man fills one end of hi
house with milch cows, the sideroor
with calves and pigs, the entry wit
work-oxen, the second story wit
mules and goats, the roof with fowls
and takes all his children, supplies
dogs and cats into his own apart
ment and undergoes the racket O
lowing, squealing, braying, cackling
barking Of dogs, and squa)ling o
courting cats as long as Noah did
we say it is no wonder at all he go
drunk on reaching land. The won
der is that he did not before; and il
our opinion, If he were here to-day
and we were to ask him how it wa
he did not get drunk sooner, he woult
give the same reply Adam would i
asked why he did not have two wives
Circumstances forbid.
No one who has not gone through
an overflow like Noah and myscl
can fully sympathise with those VIII,
have. 1t puts a man through NOR,
moods than there are in Smith,
Grammar, many of which are doubl,
potential. Only think ofa man hay.
ing to witness a part of his dear chill.
dren tied to bcd-posts while his bet.
ter half is compelled to hold one in
each hand and stand with her foo,
on another to keep them from falling
overheard! What prospect has that
man for his dinner? What chance
for literary attainment; yea, for
prayer; as there is no room for him
to pray, unless he prays standing as
didthe Fe)publicans Of old.
1t is true, if he has been married
fifteen or twenty years, he has plen-
ty of chamber organs at hand; but
how is his wife ever to make any
proficiency in music? He has Bibles
that tell about the "prolnised land,"
but how is he to get there? AS he
runs his eight feet paddle down by
the side Of his dug-out without
touching bottom, he is convinced
he is not on earth, and, when he con-
suits The spirit Of his inner self, he is
assured he is not IN heaven, nor has
any claims on heaven. When the
reflection comes home TO him that
there is but one other place for him
to bs, we leave you, Mr.. Editor, to
imagine what mood that man IS in,
All Grammars were evidently
written ON dry land. Talk about tv.
moods covering all the shades of feel
ings common to an ovcrflowed man
Why, he undergocs forty-sevcn eve
ry time his dug out turns over, and
that is not less than six times day
there is 2S2, and those of the nigh,
not heard from. Talk about Egyp.
tian Darkness, the Black Hole in Cal
cutta, or the results of the recen,
municipal election in Osceola! Mr.
Editor, you. know nothing about
trouble. "A single overflow will pu'
n man through more mental evolu'
t,ons than Darwin found in the en-
tire vegetable aud animal kingdom,
since the day Adams wife had hel
eyes opened iii the apple orchard b,
thpt sneak. 1t drives the shuttle o
his thoughts up and down the entir,
history of the past quicker than I
latter.day- artificial electric patent
limberjack-monkey can ''bout face
Again and again he thrusts this shut
tie into every nook and corner Of thu
past in search of relief; but, like on,
Of Noah's birds, it returns empty
Once it suggested walking on tn
WATER" we tried it, and as our wifi,
succeeded in saving our life that time
we promise never to try it again
No wonder Moses died!
You see, Mr.. Editor, Moses was
good and wise man. He was oftel
seen in company with his Maker
and, on more than one occasion, in
structed him how to govern an,
manage the beings of His creation
Years ago he used To figure in tn
finances Of Egypt, and, finally S
manipulated the bulls aud bears 4
the EgyT tian Exchange as to "col
ner the "promlsed land" For fol
ty years he went about cncouragin
his friends to take stock in his grea
Future Monopoly Thousands too
stock in his " future promised land,
and when the time arrived for III
goods to be delivered, or spot cash
Moses repaired with his friends
the foot OF the hills back of Fol
Pillow, where he babe them be sea-
ed and rest, while he, unattende,
went up tn the top of the tallest pea
which overlooks and seems to lea
over the river, to view the conditio