The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-08-12
HUMOR.

THE darkest hour is when you can't
find the matches.
THE last agony sitting up with your
girl at l1.45 p. m.
THE kangaroo, it is said, enjoys a
beautiful spring"
TIE fact that an expression isn't
wrong doesn't make it trite.
The henpecked husband cannot I'M
derstand why anybody should shout
for home rule.-Boston Courier.
OUR market reporter informs us that
there is a remarkable downward ten
dency in lampwicks on Sunday night.
A GROCER advertises something new
in coffee" Have they really got tc
putting coffee in it?-Teras Sttings.
JoBBINs says that intestinal strife Is
going on daily in his garden. He can
prove it by the hen trails.-Yonkers
Gazette.
A MULE has the full allowance of
vertebra in his backbone. This Is why
he can't avert q bray in certain emer-
gencies. - Yonkers Gazstte.
"THIs butter is pretty old, guess, t"
Sdlu Tie DOdIucI. w haV ihahOo y Ou
think SOP" asked the landlady. BE
cause the hairs in it are gray. Dos
tom Courier.
IL there is anything more dangerous
than the unloaded gun which always
goes off when it is pointed at anybody,
it is the pleasure boat that can't tip over.
1t is this kind of boat which tips over
every time.
AT a negro wedding. when the minis
ter read the words, "love, honor and
obey" the groom interrupted him and
said: "Eead that agin, sah read it
wunce mo-, SOS de lady kin ketch de full
solemnity of de meaning. Use been
married befo."
AN exchange says "The editor Of
this paper is the possessor of a hog"
SO are we-several of them, in fact.
Their names are on our subscription
book, and they have taken the paper
for the last three or four years and
have never paid cent.-ESteliine
Bell.
WELL, Jack, were you at the thea
ter last night?" yes; and it was a
splendid play" as that so? heard
lut1 Hdu IL IuIl HOQSe. Il ull HOuSe
Pshaw L was the only one there"
Come to think of it, believe it lcas
the audience instead OF the house that
was full. Nelcmdn Independent.
CENSUS Enumerator-"W What is your
business, Mr.. Snaggs?" Snaggs-"I
have no business, SIR" G. fare
you a gentleman of leisure?" Snaggs-
NO, sir, | am friend of the working
man." G. Eyes, but where do you
work ?" Snaggs- Work Work! I
don't work; I'm a Socialist. Lynn
Union.
THE CITY SPORTSMAN.
There is surely accounting why some men
who so out hunting do the most OF il IN
grunting and can never hit u single
blessed thing;
Yet 70 hear them do their Dragging you would
count upon their agg ng ali the game that
they catch tagging in the county and 10
shoULit on the wing
It is only1ittle sparrows that a boy with bow
and arrows could shoot easy tween the
harrows, that the DraSgndocia sportsman
hits
And he thinks he mighty topping when he
sees some bird that's hopping. though he
never thinks of popping at the tamest kind
OF game unless IL sits.
As at night he homeward walketh and up
through farinyard stalketh, his Door dog
at something barketh and he thinks per-
haps he II strike little luck;
So down where the cattle grazeth dizzy sports
man creeps and blazeth and lot OF
feathers raiseth OFF poor, lean, lame,
blind, and tame little duck.
Now the granger heard the shooting and came
down the hill cahootin. with II pitchfork
to 90 roofing at the tender-foot who tres
passed on his farm;
But the sportsman said, appealing. that no
knew not he stealing, and with every
feeling l0 WOull he
farmer for the harm.
Then he gave the man dollar to stop his hue
and "boler. took his dog up by the collar
in very desultory sort of way
With his canvGs-back a-swinging, lie pursued
his road a-singing bout the game that he
was bringing the product of his shoot
ing for the day.
-NelCBtaH Independent.