Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1886-02-05
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

ohe OehdIe journal, Tor last Tuesday
Met, prayer, adjourned"
Paris has an association for helping
drunkards home at night. The fee is fifty
cents a week-seventy-fiv cents for en-.
countering the members wife.
Webster City, Iowa, has hen that lays
eggs of u bright vermillion color When
she takes it into her head to set, she can't
be dissuaded by the old and reliable strip
Of red flannel.
There is only one train in this country
that never stops to take in water, and that
is.George Francis Train.
A Harvard professor describes the ideal
editorial. We are astonshed to find that
he never once alluded to the old expedient
of writing the more troublesome passages
with a mucilage brush, for the compositor
and proof-reader to fix up.
The Fargo Dakota 4 rglJs is crying aloud
for spinsters. and says it can accommodate
10000 girls with husbands at ninety DAYS
notice. We had no idea that any Western
paper supported so large staff as this.
The fine arts have some practical uses.
after all An exchange says that essence
of peppermint painted on burn causes the
| pam 10 cease at once.
Why is the blacksmith like the mug
wump? Because he makes bolts.
Croquet is still a popular sport in Ohio
This accounts for the quarrelsomeness of
the Ohio Senate
Nearly 500 liquor saloons have been Sc
lected as voting places in Philadelphia
Saves adjournment and shoe leather
| A quack doctor named Lighthall has
| just died, worth $4,000 He evidently
didn't believe in being superstitious about
names.
! A philanthropist asked the daughter of
a rich manufacturer, who employs hun
| dreds of men, if she ever did anything for
her fathers hands NO" was the reply
'but | rub mine with glycerine and oat-
meal every night"
Maine has just sent some of the princi-
pal products of her culture to Boston.
Nine hundred and eighty skunk skins
We're shipped from Bangor to the Hub,
| the other day.
Senator Evarts says that Washington is
a cross between college life and watering
place. Must be the classic senator from
New York has been peeping into Wash
| ington dairy.
Out in Nevada it is customary to shoot
a doctor when he fails to effect a cure.
Bogus medical diplomas are quoted at 80
cents a dozen in that section of the coun
try.
An ice story, but an old one-'There is
to be scarcity in the ice crop this year"
boston Transcript.
"Ilow | do like to look through n tele-
scope ~ exclaimed young lady.
Through telescope ?" sneered sour
tempered old aunt. Through tele-
scope. Humph Give me a keyhole."
-Philddclphia Herald.
A friend of ours, absent on a trip to
Washington, writes that he has been all
| through the National capital and consider
bic of his own.-LOUelt Citizen.
A letter has been found that was mailed
eighty-three years ago at Cambridge
Massachusetts, and has not yet reached its
destination THIS proves that the imme-
dlate delivery system has been in vogue
some time BtHghdmtOn Republican,
a Fair Inference. Art dealer-"Yes,
| that was painted by one of the old mas
tiers. But beg your pardon, you must
not touch 1t with your umbrella" Old
| Mr.. rdplayer-''What's the matter
Amt it dry ?''-Puck.
Scene in the Police Court-Judge, to
prisoner-"Your name? ~ Prisoner
Henry Judge-"Thats your Christian
name. What's your family name2'
| Prisoner-My father was a Pole. | have
never been able to pronounce his name"
|-BOStOH Beacon.
When Brown opened the front door one
morning an found strange baby in
| basket on the front steps, he picked up
! the bundle, and, as he carried it to his
wife, he was heard to remark "Some
| men are born babies, some achieve babies
and some have babies thrust upon Them
-MGchdHt TrdrciiCr.
One portion of South America is by no
means warm - its Chilli. - National
| UcCtiU.
one object in admitting Dakota into the
! mon Is to freeze out the South.-MucOn
| TdCgrdph.
The difficulty with the silver men and
the Bland dollars is the same. they both
! ought 10 have more centS.-COmmCrc
! BUiiCtiH.
There are several men ont here in the
| VIII ana WOOlly West who are afraid NJ
! Pasteur will discover "A better remedy for
snake bite than whiskey.
! IrurCNCT.
The booksellers make good thing by
! changing the school books as often Us pos
Sible, and it is sometimes suspected that
! the committee and SchOOlmasterS make a
| little in the way of commissions. Hence
we have three little madcs from school,
Boston Transcript
Spiritualistic Medium-"You now be
| hold the spirit of Algcrnou Suuhbns.
! DO you recognize him - NIsitOr-'I do. 90
Spirtualistic Nedm-"He does not seem
| to recognize yoU.' Nistur-''Oh. that p,
brcau~e failed iH business recently
JhC EUubiDr.
There a big order just i'm from the
| city tor milk, said a farm hand to his EN-