Morning journal and courier., 1886-05-06
SAYINGS.

Goes without saying: A deaf and dumb man.-Lowel Courier.
 He-"Jovel I'd like to be onel'' She ttOne what?" He-"Census. It embraces F, ,000, ,000 of women. Life.
 ':There are two things which I positively will not eat for supper" said Gubbins tFAnd what are they?' asked his friend Breakfast and dinner" was the reply Dansyille Breeze.
 Husband Gmpatiently to wife)-"I told you only wanted half cup of tea and, as usual you've filled it to the top. Don't you know what half full iss" Mother-in-law (grimly) "She ought to by this time."- N., Y. Sun.
 Teacher to his little girl pupil "Where gre you going, Nellies" ''Papas going to take us to Florida again." ''Can you tell what the capital of Florida is?'' "Yes'm. It's the money they get from boarders. "- Pittsburg Chronicle.
 Patient t'Oh, doctor, you don't know how it worries me to think that might be buried alive. Doctor stCalm yourself, Mrs. B. You need have no fear of anything like that. Trust to me and I assure you that you are in no danger. ."-Boston Tran script.
 Glow does the blood reach the hearts" was one of the questions written out on an examination paper at Vassar college. And one ot the fyest of the fly girls wrote the an swer: ''Iee cream, oysters and champagne, box of bon-bons, Sunday night calls, no gas, one chair" She had evidently met the "blood" and he was hers.-Yonkers States man.
 MT. Jones-''No dinner to-daya That's nice state of affairs. Where's Mrs. Jones" Writing, sir" Mir. Jones-fWrit- ing what, prays" Servant-"I don't know exactly, sir, but I think she said it's article for the Housekeeper about how It's Better to Keep House than to Board,' sir, or something of that sort. t."-New York Graphic.
 Jacob Van Stein, who WAS formerly in the business in South Africa, says there is no ''money in ostriches.' If this be true, it is because the birds have never had an oppor- tunity to gobble it. Hoop iron, old brass, copper pans, and other bric brac may be found in the ostrich that is permitted to run at large, and if there is no money in the col lection it is not the fault of the bird.-Nor- ristown Herald.
 Real Estate Agent: ''Yes, sir, we have some of the finest houses at Long Branch to let for the coming season. Now there's one you can have for $175 8 week furnished, or s75 unfurnished. Eight rooms, hot and cold water, and so forth" Intending Lessee: ''I guess I'll take your terms furnished" :" Real Estate Agent (after intending lessee has left the office): 'John, write to the man in charge of No. 24 and tell him the house will be let furnished this summer. He needn't take down the mosquito netting. -Tidbits
 An American relates that he was once travelling in England, and he was staying for a week at large country house, which was, usual at that season, full of guests, invit- ed liks himself. It was an old estate and had the usual display of oaks, which are so handsome and picturesque g feature of Eng fish country parks. He was walking through the park one day with naughty, aristocrat- ic lady. Have you any trees in Americas" she suddenly asked him. He was too much taken aback to speak for Q moment, and be- fore he could reply she broke in: "Why. what silly question I have asked you! Of course, you haven't any trees. The country isn't old enough. h."-San Francisco Chronicle.