Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-04-18

Dakota for Small FavorD thankfully
Received.
EsieEiae (Dak.) Bel.
, As some little Misunderstanding seems
to exist concerning the size Of puff this pa
per will give for favors or supposed. We
take this opportunity to publish the follow
ing rates, which take effect from this date:
For one watermelon handed at the
office we will say Mr.. Gardentruck, our
esteemed fellow.townsmsn, presented us
last Wednesday afternoon with q large lus-
cious watermelon Of the Plymouth Rock
variety on which the printers fe,sted. May
he live long and prosper" In case the
melon proves to be green this will be the
form : Farmer Gardentruck laid Q good.
sized melon on our table one day this
week. Thanks"
A small lot Of new potatoes will call out
the following Uncle Abner Stubbleplow
remembers ye editor just al he goes to
press with q most misunderstanding mess OF
new potatoes. We and our family expect
to revel in the fruit during the coming
week. he informs us that the bugs are
doing great damage to the vines of some
OF his neighbors Uncle, you struck the
printers in the right spot may your shad'
ow never grow less
When o box of cigars 10 left this is the
foumuls: The sancium of the Bell was
invaded last Tuesday by the geneial pres
ence Of Tom Liverpills, the handsome
young proprietor OF the Red Front Pioneer
Drug Store, who placed on tap q fulI box
Of choice Hsbsnss. Here's to you, Tom
Our many readers will remember that he
has just got in a full new line Of paints,
oils, axle grease, condition powders, per.
fumery, putty, and other drugs and toilet
articles"
Green corn will produce the following
editorial effect "Ye scribe's family has
been enjoying another luxury for the last
four DAYS, Mrs. Deacon C%hurchdebt having
presented our wife with a good dozen Of
roasting ears. Such favors as this are
fully appreciated by yours truly, as we'll as
by his wife and family. May Mrs. c. meet
her reward is our earnest wish"
This for the big egg Squire Applejsck
laid the largest sample of hen fruit on our
desk ons day this week that We have ever
seen He assures US that 1t measures
eighteen by ten feet in circumference.
Next
A bouquet will be acknowledged like
this Yesterday afternoon, as ye pencil
pusher va busy with unexpected rush o
Job work. who should come in but Miss
Birdie Pistolpractice. the charming daugh,
ter Of our worthy ftllow-citizen Colonel
Pistolpractice. She presented US with a
beautiful bouquet OF wild flowers which she
had plucked with her own fair hands
Among the varieties we noticed freweed
daudellou, wild buckwhest, red top, tausey
and ~sunfowers. 1t shall remain many day
to beautiiy orr ssnctum. Our wife is nlsc
pleased with it."
The giver Of q spare rib may expect this
"Our genial and Justly popular n~eighbor.
Major Porcine, having frequently noticed
the hungry look on the printers face, took
occasion early Monday morning to leave q
mammoth spare rib ct our humblee abode
taken from one OF his famous drovs Of
| ~Southdown Porbers. We and our family
have accordingly been Teasing on fresh
meat. BIZ the way We understand that the
major will sccep. the nomination for the
Legislature if it il tendsred him He is the
man for The place
A turkey will inspire this: while sitting
in our sanctum sanc;orum about ii O'Clock
Thursday morning reclining out head il
our hands, we we're greatly surprised o.
we'll as pleased by having Colonel McTouRt
walk in with a mysterious air and o bundle
under his arm. We had Just finished
writing our leader fnund on the first pag,
entitled True Tariff Reform as Compared
with Tariff Jugglers,' and felt considerable
fatigue. but it was Immediately dispelled
when the handsome colonel disclosed
large. fat turkey in the bundle which h.
assured us was for our Thanksgiving din
ner. To say that we were pleased bu,
family expresses the emotions which surged
through our breast. We Immediately
called our wife. who was even more pleased
than we. 1t is such things ss this thai
make life amid the e1actipg cares Of the
newspaper ebdurable aud causes rs to keer
on the editorial harness without repining
Colonel, may heaven regard you'll 1t may
not be out OF place to inform our many
readers that the cclonels friends expect
the coming Legislature to elect him TO the
United States Senate. lie seems 10 be tht
unanimous choice OF our people. We pre-
dict that be will get it on the first ballot