The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, 1886-03-30
THE PREACHER coRnEcrEp.

looking up from reading that gentle
mans last Sundays sermon.
"How so, my dear Z" asked her hus-
band.
"Why he says there are no perfect
men,"
And you think you found one when
you married me, l suppose" bcamed
MIR. Snaggs.
"1ndeed I DON'T" was the quick re-
ply. but l know there was a perfect
man once, and his nsmc wa Mark"
MARK" repeated Mr.. Snaggs in as
constituent.
eyes, Mark, for the Bible distinctly
speaks of Mark, the perfect manu.
PttsJury Chronicle.
FORCING BUSINESS.
Did you sell any peanuts 2" in
CURED the experienced train boy of the
new recruit.
"No," vas the reply.
eco through the car an give each
passenger 4 peanut.
The e recruit did so.
Now try EN- agin," said the train
boy OF experience.
Presently the new recruit came after
more peanuts.
You want to keep your eyes open
in this business, young Teller" admon-
ished the expert, retilling the basket.
"Anybody'll cat a peanut what don't
cost him nothin', n when he oncc gifts
the flavor he's gone. You've got to
study human nature"
A HOPELESS CASE.
Mothcr-I think. Clara, that young
AJ~ S0,f,,SOS, &c frrl &c X,>
Clara hopefully Why mamma?
Mother-Bccausc he was such a long
time buttoning your glove last night.
Clara (hopcicssly)-Oh, yes, mamma;
but they arc six-button gloves, you
know, and when he had buttoncd the
fifth one he asked me if that wouldn't
be enough.
DISPENSING A CROWD.
A large crowd had gathered on
Broadway, and seven policemen were
~cndeavoring to dispense it.
81 kin make them fellcrs move on"
said a small boy.
Then he shouted "Mad dog" and
four Of the seven policemen were badly
i'll INJURED in the rout hat followed.
AN I'LL IMPROVED.
"Ah, me-" said a husband, as he laid
down his book and gazei thoughtfully
into the fire, ''how true it is, 'Tis better
10 have loved and lost than-than-''
"Ncvcr to have loved at all 2" sup
piled his wife softly.
No; than to have loved and won."
~ Y. Times.
BABY MINE.
There is no joy in the world like you,
No music sweet as your ''goO ah-yoo,"
NO skies so clear al your eyes Uf Glue
Baby, oh my baby.
But when you ground on the secret pin
And open your valve and howl like sin,
No gong can equal your little din,
Baby, oh my baby.
My heart is glad when your face I see,
My JOY IL full VIXEN you come to me,
laugh with you i'll romping glee,
Baby, oh my baby.
And oftentim-s my midnight snore
Is broken by your screaming roar,
And till morning dawns we walk the floor.
Baby, oh my baby.
-BUnDErrE.
A GREAT SUCCESS.
Wife (rcading the papcr)-I see that
only four little Newark BOYS started for
Paris, but on the return Of the party
AAS l "Ao S"CilCo W HNc.
Husband-Is that so? And vet some
people will not believe that the new dis
covery amounts to anything.
EASY MARKETING.
Servant Ito head of the housc)-The
butcher boy, Sorr, is at the door wild
the bill. What shall I tell him, Sorr ?
Head of the Housc-Tcll him to send
q ten-Dound sirloin roast for dinner.
DOTS N DAsuEs.
PEOPLE who event South for the
winter" this year have found it.
IT is said, 'He laughs best who
laughs last" 1t may be so; but he has
less time to enjoy himself.
WHAT is a fashionable hotel %
Gone where you get what you don't
want. and have to pay for what you
don't get"
IT is a Southern negro superstition
that if a twig or bush gets caught in a
woman's dress and is dragged after her
it is n sign that she has a sweetheart.
"Now, SIR, you arc BETTER" said a
Boston faith doctor to a patient he had
been treating; ''tell me just how you
feel" 'Well," replied the victim, 81
feel like a darncd fool; how much is
your bill !"
IT Is the custom in Milwaukee
each of the Ii brcweries to send a
of beer to each newspaper office ev
holiday. The struggle of the Ii
Office to carry its load of beer as vel
its stronger-headed neighbor .sometim
leads to q dizzy newspaper next day,
embcllished with tremendously swelled
heads.