Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1886-07-15

nEe thousand nave laughed at
that Joke | never change it. 1t is a
hit The bride never minds telling un.
der those circumstances, but | have
noticed that she invariably gives her
age last birthday, and looks much an
noyed when | inseribe that of next
birthday. After that it is compare,
lively straight sailing. When the dec
laration Is ct an end always say to
the bride. Now, Miss Smith, sign
your maiden name for the last time.
That makes her so extremely nervous
that in very many cases she spills the
ink. have made it ruleto keep the
table on which these important docu-
ments are signed covered with oilcloth.
When first entered upon my official
duties used dainty little table covers,
which imagined would appeal to the
artistic senses of the brides. Perhaps
the delicate work did so appeal, but
it never prevented the deluge of ink,
which brought tears OF anguish to the
eyes of my wife, who was equally fool
ish when she was married herself, but
declines to own it. The witnesses us
TALLY enjoy signing 5helr names. Men
and women as d rule like to put them.
selves on record everywhere They
rejoice to be able to say; We'll. you'll
find my name there The witnesses
are longer signing their names than
the bride and groom. They add
touches and put long fiourishes in &c,
stacies of calligraphy. At last when
it is over, Isay solemnly: MIR. Snooks,
give your fiancee your arm and walk
into the drawing-room. The bride
CYCLES, the bridegroom ambles stupid.
ly along, because he imagines every
one is looking at him. follow them
into the drawIngroom.
Before the ceremony begins the
bride generally says: John, tell him
to be as quick as he can. Can't he use
a short service' II she knew that
was as DESTROYS of returning to my H.
brary asshe was to start on her bridal
trip that Injunction would never be
made. THUS arrange them in the pre-.
seribed manner, of which they are
usually bhssfully ignorant. The awk.
wardness of bride and bridegroom is
phenomenal. When | say: Let the
lady stand to the gentfeman's left it
usually takes them couple of minutes
to distinguish between the right and
left, and have to literally put them
in place. Their movements seem TO
be impeded, and | don't believe that
six couples out OF ten can tell their
right from their left hand five minutes
before they are married. During the
ceremony they have nothing to do, so
there is no trouble. At the end, when
| say to the man Take your bride, he
looks very frequently astonished and
as though he did not understand me.
often he seizes her hand and remains
holding it with most ridiculous energy,
apparently waiting for developments.
! have to break the spell by remark
ing mildly: That is all, my young
friends. You are now man and wife.
after the ceremony ask them to
be seated and sndeavor to lead them
into conversation. At first this was
most embarrassing for me, but am
quite used to it now. | generally be-
gin:
"'Now, suppose, Mrs. Snooks--'
"'Mrs. Shocks, she says, how fun
ny it sounds. Am Mrs. Shocks, John,
dear?'-coquettishly to her hTsband.
"Of course you are, he says, tender
ly; you must get accustomed to the
name
Excuse me interrupting you, doc
tor she resumes, sweetly. You see |
didn't know my name. You were the
first to call me Mrs. Snooks. You
were about to say
"Now l had merely desired to use
the married girls new name and had
said all was about to say, but | had
some original remark ready about
the weather, and the probability that
there would be more rain or sun next
week So gave utterance to this re-
mafk, and then we chat easily for five
minutes or so. Soon they lapse into
silence. can see that they are anx-
ious to depart, though neither likes
to say so, while the witnesses rarely
desire change of scene. Sometimes |
let them wax uncomfortable. Then
John says:
'"Well, doctor, / suppose you have
finished with u.s."
eyes / say, shortly.
"John stammers q little something
about being much obliged, and looks
at his bride and the witnesses. The
lady is twirling round her wedding
gown, and seems to enjoy that occu-
patton immensely. The witnesses are
looking at my pictures rather critical
ly. / am convinced that q number oil
married couples would remain in my
drawing room for two or three hours
from, Sbnor ha bfI,lnasS if li5 mot
come to the rescue. So say delicate
ly and with fine humor, as rise, We'll
Mr.. Shocks, if. | can ever do anything
for you III a smaller capacity again .
shall be delighted At which Mrs
Shocks pouts and says that she ha!
not the least intention ofleaving j ohr
a widower, and that sooner than thai
he should marry again she would
haunt him, or words to that effect
They depart Immediately after that
retire to my library and wonder why
l don't feel either amused or distress
ed"
The reverend gentleman was startled
by knock at his door, to which h,
answered: Come IN, Jemima." I
portly form presented itself and {
solemn voice: Please, sir, a couple
OF folks is downstairs wanting to SET
you. They says if you will kindly
come down as soon as you can, al
they are in a hurry" The doctor
glanced in the mirror. There was nc
need to ask whether he was amused
or distressed. He looked distressed