The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1886-06-11
wITrAN HUMoR.

sir. This is the wind office; the water
Office is next door. " Wilmington en-.
o. Star.
In the United States District Court
yesterday, during the examination of a
witness, District-Attorney Flick asked:
How often did you buy liquor of the
defendant in the aggregated" "Never,"
said the witness; II always got it in the
wine cellar. "-httsbarg Telegram.
First New Yorker: 81 say, Harry. old
boy, what interests youp" Second New
Yorker: divorce case in which a
friend of mine is interested" First
New-Yorker: "Ah, some scandal, doubt
less. Intimate friend?" Second New
Yorker: "No-not very; my wife. y
Puck.
Bobby Ito Presbyterian minister)-
Mr.. Mournful, is it wicked to dance?
Mr.. Mournful-C Certainly, Bobby, very,
very wicked. Bobby-Well, didn't the
saints used to dancer Mr.. Mournful-
The saintsp Never, Bobby. Bobby
Then what is meant by st. Anthony's
dance?-M y, Times
II guess, sister, you needn't bother
about having the parlor swept out to-
day." was the remark of an Allegheny
youth as he started to school. 'What
on earth do you mean, George?" well,
heard father tell mother that if that
young man of yours came tonight he'd
wipe the floor with him. "-Springfetd
lnaSS) Herald.
Brown Cooking at Fogg's scrap-book,
which is made up of biographical
sketches)-"Ah,y you have here among
Prominent Men Prof. Smith. VIVA
Smith was hep never heard of him."
Fogg-"He was teacher of mine"
Brown-"Ah! and how particularly
noted9" Fogg-'I was his pupil. Al
legheng Bulletin.
a Miles City man has invented new
stirrup which will not allow the foot to
be caught when one is dismounting.
What the amateur cowboy is yearning
for is the invention by some one OF n
saddle which will enable him to APP
proach the untamed broncho of the
plains without first saying his prayers.
ST. Paul Globe.
"a coat of paint" cried Mr.. Dauber,
iocularly, speaking from the ladder, sis
the only coat you can put on without
buttons" "Ya-as," replied the house,
holder, obviously, rs he examined the
work on the side of the house, "but l
reckon you'll have to put buttons on
this one if you want it to stay on after
it dries. "-Brooklyn Eagle.
A poor girl had begged for holiday
to 90 and see man hanged. She had
n long way to walk-some sixteen miles,
perhaps. On her return to Gainsbor-
ouch at night, her mistress found her in
tears. What is the matter with you,
child; what are you crying aboutP" 20,
ma'am,v said the poor girl, bursting in
to tears again, 1.-THE mans been re-
prievedv" George Selwyn would have
keenly sympathized with her.-2emple
Bar.
A Young artist in neighboring town
writes: II have taken Sabbath-school
class of about twenty little younkers,
none of whom can read or SPELL They
learn verses at home and recite them,
besides letting me into all sorts of Sc.
crets. Last Sunday funny tot stood
up with the most round-eyed assurance,
having been taught the verse, BE not
faithless but believing Without mo-
ment's hesitation she cried out BE not
b'lieveless but ADMINISTRATION Her.
aid.
There was no clock in the hotel par.
lor. The young man had no watch.
Neither had the young woman on whom
he was making visitation. They had
been talking about bores. 81 meet a
he, IT oil,
responded. 'That is, don't before Il
o'clock in the evening" "Ah," he said
significantly, lit is about O'Clock
now" TO-" she said. forgetfully, sis
it so earlyp l thought it was half-pas
10 at least" Then he got up and wen
away Washington Critic.
Says Mr.. Carnegie in his new book:
whenever an American is met abroad
with the assertion that government in
the Republic is corrupt, he can safely
say that for one ounce of corruption
here there is full pound avoirdupois
in Britain; for every job here. twenty
yonder. One nobleman gets $4,000
(S20,000) per annum for walking back
ward before her Majesty upon certain
occasions; and so on through chapter
of Jobs so long and irritating that no
American could patiently read through
it,
YES" remarked the lady in mourn
ing; ''ycs, have given more dinners
than any leader in Washington So
ciety." .Indeed! Public ones?" II have
given public dinner almost every day
for five years, and | have entertained
some of the most distinguished politi-
clans that ever visited the city,"
strange. never saw your name in
the paper" you don't look in the
right place" ''No? / looked in the SO
ciety column Wrong place. / am
the keeper of the charity soup house. y
Washington Star.
''Have you been reading much this
winter, Mr.. De Musselbrainp" inquired
young lady on Connecticut avenue Of
caller few evenings ago. 20, no,
Miss Dorritt, of course not, don't you
know" he replied confidently. 'In-
deed! Why notp" she asked, in some
establishment 30, because, Miss Dor
rift, don't you know, the newspaper;
never contain anything about base ball,