News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-02
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
PARDON JOHNSON Is BROUGHT TO
THE FRONT.
And Given SEINE Good Advice About This
World and Its Ways.
IFrom the Detroit Free Press.l

From the Detroit Free Press.l
''Am Pardon johnson III de hall this
eavenin, " asked the President, as he
turned his gaze toward the stove, behind
which Pardon is sure to be seated, if
the thermometer marks less than eighty
degrees above.
Yes, sah."
''Den please step dis way until Ispoke
few words wild you. Pardon, Iunde.-
stand dat you am studyin' to be dos
tab"
Eyes, sah."
''Dat's good news, an lie personally
glad. Deg am sartin things about de
doctah biznesss which you should allus
keep In view. In de fust place, look
dignifed an act wise Many man
who doan' know huff to come in when
it rains has kept de fack from de public
by lookin' as if he knew all dat had
happened in dis world eber since de
fuSt sun rose an sOt."
''Yes, sah.n
''If you am called in a case, an you
find you doan know wheder de pusson
has got smallpox or de measles, doan'
gin yourself away too quickly Gin de
case few days to develop, an it will
turn out to be one or de odder. Arter
1t turns you want TO remark dat you
war sure of it fun de fust,"
Il understands"
''Neber gin up a case. De doctah
who admits dat he can't do pasnient
any good loses prestige; de doctah who
hangs by till de patient goes under
ground kin say dat nobody could hev
saved him"
81 was 1ntendin' to say dat, sah.''
keep your prescriptions an awful
secret, Pardon. If you should tell
sick man dat you had given him a
Dover's powder or some Peruvian bark
he would neber get we'll Your only
safety am in deceivin' your pashients
If de medicine works all right dey will
get well and praise your skill; if it
works de odder way de undertaken an
sexton will hide de fack under ground"
t'Dat's what Pm calkerlatin' on"
SIN case some odder doctah should so
fur forgit hisself, Pardon, as to order
morphine in place of quinine, an de
pashlent didn't happen to detect de
difference, an death resulted, doan' 90
back on de purfeshun. If you can't
help him lay it on de druggist. you nay
spread de ideah dat some one of de
family changed de powders to profit by
his death, or you kin boldly sw'ar' dat
morphine am quinine. If de ri hit kind
of a coroner has de job his jury will
bring de doctah out wild flynn colors.
dat am my programmy, sab. "
can, lastly, Pardon, enter into pat
nership wild some druggist as soon as
you make your start. People who am
foolish huff to fall sick mus expect to
pay well fur DER medicines De hun
bred per cent. profit which de druggist
caIkerlates on kin jist as well be made
hundred an fo'ty, an de extra goes to
you. An some more lastly, doan' hev
muffin to do wild patent medicines. If a
pashient of yours has a bruise doan'
permit him to buy his salve or liniment |
off de shelf You kin git two dollars
fur writin' him out prescripshun fur |
de very same thing
Il learned dat de VERY first week, |
sab "
Exactly. lie glad to see you hev
tumbled to all de little rackets, an on
behalf of dis club bid you good speed |
an promise dat arter six months study |
yu kin go 70 tn into de wide world an |
help to STAY an kill in de utmoas' conf
dence."
REFUSED TO NDoRsE.
Col. CORVALLIS Smith at once secured |
the floor to introduce the following
resolution:
''Resoloed.. Dat dis club looks wild
alarm upon de encroachment of de
wooden toothpick, and dat it am our
solemn 'pinyun dat its continued use
mus lead to de airly decay of dis ma
shun; an
''Resolped, Dat dis club makes de
queshun of Wooden VS.. Goose quill |
Toothpicks,' its keynote doorin' de mex |
Presidential campaign"
''Brudder Smith, did you write dat |
resolushun 2" asked the President.
II did, sab"
''Hev you armed yourself wild reasons |
why de wooden toOthpick am an enemy
TO dis kentry 2"
''Only in gineral, sab; but lie lookin'
up statisticks.' -
Den de matter will be laid over till |
you git your fggers. Dis club mus not |
rush hastily into any ackshun which |
may affect de welfar' of 60, 900, 900 peo-
pie. As fur outlinin' our platform fur
1888 it am too airly in de day"
AN OPINION WANTED.
The Secretary announced the follow
ing communication from Birming ham, |
Ala.
81 do not remember that Brother |
Gardner has yet expressed himself on
the question of the tariff. Is he for
free trade or protection Before we
make application for branch lodge at
this place this question must be settled. |
Let him give us his candid opinion.
In reply to dat" said the old man,
as he caressed his right ear in a retlec-
tive way, 81 nebber had but one policy. |
If 1 had mule to sell [ toted him |
around till l got all he was worth and a |
leetle mo-. If | wanted to buy mule, |
| waited till mule-meat was cheap, and |
got one for leetle less dan he was wuth. |
l Want free trade so dat l kin git my |
whitewash brushes cheap, an | want |
pur.eckshun so dat nobody can under !
sell me on ak an hoe handles. Ireckon |
dar's a spot somewhat in dis queshun |
whar' de bod will balance, and neither
end will be up or down all de time"