The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-12-22

FLASHES Of fun.

eight days without drinking. In
this he differs from some men, who
will drink even or eight days with
out working.
-"How is coal this morning?"
asked a purchaser of an Irishman
in a coalyard.
"Black as iver," replied Patrick,
respectfully taking off his hat.
"A man said to his aged mother
speaking of his wife, II do wish l
could keep Mary from e~xaggerating
So" "Get her to talk about her
age" responded the shrewd old
lady.
1t is said hat in the keystone
State a man is allowed to marry his
mother-in-law. This is nothing
strange. A man in Massachusetts
often marries the whole of his wife's
family.
"A robust man meeting a physi-
clan, ran to hide behind a wall. On
being asked the cause he replied,
sit has been so long since [ was sick
that | am ashamed to look a physi-
clan in the face"
"A contemporary, recording the
fall of a person into the river, says:
at is a wonder that he escaped
with his life" Wouldn't it have
been a still greater wonder if he
escaped without it?
The following is from the Lon
Don Punch: Why is an elephant
like a brick? Because he can't
climb a tree. The tree, moreove
leaves in spring and the elephant
leaves in the menagerie.
A juvenile enquirer was look
ing at some of those pictures of
angels in which only the heads and
wings are visible, and after a few
minutes reflection, gave voice to
his thoughts as follows: "Well
mamma how do they sit DOWN.
1t is said that at a Boston seance
a sorrowing widower succeeded in
establishing communication with his
wife who had passed into the spirit
land from the Hub. The man inquired
ifshe was happy and if she liked her
new surroundings. to which she re-
piled: "Well, dear, it is very charm
ing and pleasant and all that, but Of
course you know, dear, it isn't BOs-
ton"
Father, why do they say corpor-
atoms have no sOuls?'
"Well, my son. you have often
heard of the head of IL corporation
but you never heard of one of them
having a foot. What use would a
sole be to them under the circum-
stances?
No use, pa, except to walk over
people instead of riding over them
as they do now
"A conversation between a mar
ried man and Il confirmed old bach
elor:
"Do you know that it is a most
lamentable fact that you are not
married?"
why"
because you are leading such a
lonely, selfish life. Suppose some
one should be obliged to break into
your DON some morning and find
you dead"
"Well it might hurt his feelings,
but 1 am sure it would not injure
mine
II tell you what, friends" said the
deacon, when he finished saying
grace, 1--WE have more to be thank
full for than you are aware of. You
don't know what a narrow escape
we've had from losing the best part
of our dinner. Last night | heard
the dog bark and going down the
alley found the shutter open. Some
body on the inside whispered, is
that you, Dick?' Yes [ answered,
for you know my name is Richard.
Here, take him. said the other
handing out the turkey which L
quietly took and bore away"
Bolts came down to breakfast
the other morning at his boarding
house and looking about the scanty
spread table, put his hand on his
head and said: "Everything makes
me sick to-day"
"Ah," replied the landlady SYM