The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-10-07
HUMOR.

A TRADE unlOn-a marriage between
business rivals to promote trade.
"MAID and moonshiner" must be
hand made, like moonsbine whisky.
WHEN bow-legged men quarrel cpl
thets are banded as well as their legs.
A STILL" alarm is sounded to adj
monisn moonshiners OF the approach
of the Government police. Teras
Strings.
The editors chief recreation in tho
summer time is the perusal of circu-
lars and pamphlets describing the
beauties of vacation resorts. -LOt1eH
Citizen.
THE ordinary American woman can
form some idea of the social standing
of her new neighbors when the furni-
ture wagons unload, of course, but she
is never really certain about them until
after the hired girl has hung out the
first wash. Somerrjlle Journal.
FAIR Traveler-What does this mean?
The expressman says he can't find my
trunk. Here is the check for it. lag
gageman-The trouble is ma'am, that
you changed cars too often. The check
and part of the handle has arrived, but
the other pieces haven't got along yet.
Omaha World.
MAMMA-"Now, Fife, am going to
allow you to sit at the table with all
the company, but you must not forget
to be polite and say. Eyes, please"
and mo. thank you" Effie-with an
unlimited capacity for dinner)-"All
right, ma, but L don't think L shall
have to say, "No, thank you. ~ The
Judge.
An Austin merchant, as O personal
favor, took the son of wealthy gen.
tleman into his office to learn the bust
ness, giving him the cash book to keep.
"Does the cash account balance?"
asked the merchant, at the end of the
first day. "Oh, yes, splendidly. There
ere even so or $50 too much. "-Teras
SUtings.
MANS A FOOL.
AS a rule
Mans fool.
When its hot
/ He wants it cool;
When it's cool
He wants it hot;
Always wanting
What it's not;
Never liking
What he's got.
maintain,
u
Mans II fool.
-MaySviUe (CdI.l Appedl.
SMITH-"Robinson was looking for
you to-day, Brown. He leaves for the
West tomorrow morning, where he
intends to remain, and he wanted to
collect that twenty-five dollars you owe
him." Brownies, / saw him
little while ago. promised to forward
him the money next week." Smith
"In what part of the West does he
expect to settle?" Brown-"I don't
know. l didn't ask him Life.
DURING the war, the people of Arka-
delphia, Ark, kept up their religious
revivals. They argued that the Yam
KEGS might keep out sugar and coffee,
but that they couldn't keep out the
Lord Among the most fervent of the
revivalists was old Sister Boyle. With
out her, no revival could hope to be
success; and, whenever there was the
least rawback, she was called upon to
pray. One night, at a meeting. the
mourners were slow in comm
through" Sister Eoyle was called up
on. She took position near the altar,
knelt down, raised her hands, and said:
ooh, Lord, we are in great distress.
We have tried rye, Drowned potatoes,
parched corn, okery, and many other
things, trying to get coffee ia tie out
of em, but, Lord, Thou knowest as
well as we do that parched corn an SIGH
lacks right smart of being coffee, SC
now, Lord, knowing all this, please
open the blockade an let the Lincoln
coffee pour in, an we'll praise thee
arly an late. Amen. "-ArkdnSdtO
TraCe'er.