Wichita eagle., 1886-09-02
ghe gailu Eagle gnmrsdaY 9aoruiua
CHAPTER ON QUACKS.
THE IMMORTAL REPRESENTATIVE
OF THE HUMAN FLEA.

Thriving In tho Sixteenth Century.'LO,
tho Poor's" System Of Medicine-Nearly
Million Recorded Preparations-wan-
dering into Now Fields.
The homo Americans enjoys the posses
sion Of many parasites Like his faithful
companion, the dog, and his household friend,
the cat, he is regularly attacked and pune
tured by the merry flea. At times the pedi-
culus humanus drops from unknown limboes
and makes life burden The tick, burra-
shuta, black fly, cimex and bichu occasion
ally do their best to deplete him of his blood
and to transform his existence into an actual
nightmare In respect to these insect pests
man is on level with the brute creation
Both he and they are attacked alike, suffer
alike and alike employ the means to rid
themselves of disagreeable intimates. Eut
even as to parasites man rises far above the
animal Just as he speaks while his brute
relatives are silent. Just IS he drops into
verse while his simian cousins content them
selves with yawps and howls. Just as he
cooks while the rest of creation eats his food
raw SO man has discovered and developed
the quack-a parasite unknown to all other
animals. The natural history of the quack is
long and interesting. Like the tapeworm
and other low types of life he assumes diff
ferent forms at different periods Among In
dians he Is known as medicine man; among
negroes as voodou y au obi; among Italians
As a jettaturist; among Americans as the
lion. - --, manufacturer OF the
Golden Salve Of Immortality" etc.
THE oUACK IS IMMORTAL
Though quacks die, the quack is immortal
Old books show him to have thrived in the
Sixteenth century, when, for doubloon, he
dispensed healing balm composed of monkey
fat, the hair of black dog, white zinc and
rosemary. The cheerful preparation de-
scribed by Shakespeare, in tho witch scene of
Macbeth" is good satire upon the quackery
of that period. In the Eighteenth century
the quack took advantage of tho Indian wars
of this country, to rush into tho root and
yarb" business. Indian doctors, Indian
remedies and Indian panaceas sprouted out
all over America and Europe Happily for
humanity but little harm was done. "Lo, the
poor" has a simple system of medicine. When
cut Or bruised, he chews up tho first leaves he
can find into q green pulp and slaps this
upon wound When bilious or feverish he
chews and swallows leaves until he runs
across something with drastic tendencies and
cures the disease from which he suffers by
substituting dysentery or collie.
From 1910 to 1880, tho quack did business
upon the patent me .icine basis. In that
period no less than S51, 500 recorded prepare
tons have been put upon tho markets of
Europe and America. OF these, 10 per cent.
have brought wealth to their makers and
l per cent. have produced fortunes. Strange
to say, most Of these are made by neither
physicians nor chemists, but by business men
with little or no knowledge of medicine or
science. One New York manufacturer, who
probably is representative of the trade at
large, produces cough remedy, a lozenge,
cholagogue, sedative and nervine, all Of
which contain powerful or poisonous drugs.
He himself reads and writes, but cannot keep
his own books nor read the formulas Oh
which his goods are made.
WANDERING INTO NEW FIELDS.
Since 1880 the quack has entered into new
fields. Seeing the progress of tho age to be
chemistry and electric science he has fol-
lowed the chemist and the electrician, and in
many cases has passed far beyond these to
realms where science has not yet trod. One
OF these sells an electrical garment that will
cure every ill, from chilblains to locomotor
ataxia- Briefly described, it is O zinc under
shirt and copper drawers, with fool be-
tween to complete the circuit. Another
philanthropist of the same breed extracts
from horses noblest food, the oat, a new al
kaloid, alongside of which morphine and
quinine sink into insignifcance A third
combines phosphorus and other poisons to
produce a nostrum, of which ono drop re-
stores the exhausted roue and the WORKOUT
nymph to fresh and vigorous youth. And SO
runs on tho roll indefinitely. To make
modern nostrum, and make it pay, do as fol-
lows: To a gallon CT water add coloring
matter enough to give hideous hue, and
favoring sufficient to make it nauseous. Dis
solve il it little poison of any sort, but
with polysyilabic name Hire bad doctor
to set up testimonials; good journalist to
write up the system of every disease as being
specially cured by the new remedy, and
first-class advertising agent to "boom the
biz" Upon the above directions any careful
man, with $4,000 to invest, can realize a
competence, if not a fortune, and obtain the
respect of both himself and the public. We
have 10 particular ill-wiIl toward the quack.
1t may be that he fills some useful function in
the divine dispensation, ard is an agency of
good Certainly he does assist i'll eliminating
the ignorant and the foolish, and SO increase
the intelligence and intellect of society,"
ANALYST