The Irish standard., 1886-06-05
STANDARD" BREVITIES.

'sShaken before taken''-A house
swallowed by an earthquake.
There have been no strikes yet for an
advance in the wages of sin.
What is society, after all, but g. mix
t,1re OF mister-ies and miss cries.
A collector of curiosities wants to get
tlla original brush with which the signs
Of the times were painted.
A witty doctor claims tbat his profess
ion is the Oldest recorded. He sayg that
old ocean was always a surgln.
When England unto ireland grants
y standing as nation, NJ
Then Irlsh1nca will talk psHehance
About confederation.
Marriage generally improves wom-
en,s oomplection. This Id because she
has some one to Gay ii for her.
ssA Wife's (z:sreatsst Trial''i is the title
of new book. We have not read it,but
re suspect that It is her husband.
we cannot understand why President
Cleveland can be accused Of being proud
II it is not tllat he had Folsom time.
Alice McCanley, who married several
.genxs a,go @ count, has been trying to
prove that his vows ara Of not much &C
connu.
.Est,naors are extant that Miss Murfree,
tha novelist, is presently to be married
Il the r7l1nor proves correct she will be
no mcre-free.
's'ghat's Mandonna after Raphael, p
said the Micol]et avenue picture dealer.
'Indead!'' was the reply; "what's she
after him ior?"
& minister not long ago preached from
the text, 't.Be ye therefore steadfast. "
But the printer made him expouna from
t.Be we there fox breakfast
There is no truth in tho report chat
Fanny Mills, she ;oig-foote<i lady, is
going to take the past of Cinderella in
The opera, Of t1sat uame next yeac,
At "a staSion house in the South they
have q Ivy Welcome" naotto over the en-
irauca to the cells, thus making it pleas
a,xst and home like for the occupants.
sis she light OF recent events might we
no5 remark with truth and consistency
tl.at ii wilt be 'scold day. when an
Irish Nationalist viii don al. "iJyster.'
4 lady writer asks: '*W2y dent bach |
elors ,narry9>' That's so-why don't !
they? Come to think abou5 it, we have
nsye. yet seen bachelor who was mar
riea.
What is tbs difference between a stu
dent Of history seeking the prize and
the Arab?-Ons gets up the dates to
carry oft the palm; the other gets up the
,,aIxn to carry off the dates.
Auoient Egypt had forty Gods, and
yet ghen an ancient Egyptian stepped
OH g bit Of soap and fell downstairs with
MI aah pan in his hands, there wasn't
half enough Of gods for him to swear by
for The next three minutes.
tsShe never wasted a solitary thing"
said . bereaved widovers 'Let cat
lis, near our house. and the first thing
you knew, Mary Jane would have muff
and set of furs, and I'd begin to fnd
mince pies on the dinner tab'e.''
ss1Vell, farmer, you told lie your wood
was good place fer hunting; now, we've
tranaped through it for three hours and
found no game" "Just SO! Well, 1
suppose, as 81 general thing, tho less
game there is, the more hunting YOU
haye.''
They f1shed together. she and he,
Beside shady mountain brook;
How full is filled his heart with glee--
a single look!
They left the noisy little spring
Atevening, in ita haz.s glow;
Hehad not caught single t1,ine,
But She had, though.
A rapid and emphatic recital of the
following is said to be good for isping:I
Hobbs meets Snobbs and Nobbs; Hobbs
bobs. to Snobbs and Nobbs. Hobbs
nobs with Snobbs, and robs N Nobbs' fobs
'sThis ISL says Nobbs, 'sthe worse for
Hobbs fobe, and Snobbs' sobs.''
a splendid item about man getting
kicked all to pieces by horse the other
day was utterly spoiled by the careful
ness Of the man himself, who climbed
into the hayloft and stayed there until the
horse stopped kicking. And yet cold /,
world may blame the reporter for this.
a. superstitious subscriber oi The
Irish STANDARD, who found spider in
his paper last week, wants to know if it !!
is considered bad omen. Nothing of
the kind. Thespider was merely looking
over the columns of the paper to see