Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1886-11-05

The woman who has a handsome bonnet
always carries her parascl high in the air
Philadelphia Herald.
The fat woman at dime museum may not
be "all wool" but she is generally "a yard wide
or more '-Nonistown Herald.
Are cigars offensive to you, madam he
asked Them five-cent kind is" She replied,
with her nose in the air.-New York Sun.
Tie melancholy days have come,
Which make young mon look blue
Saloons display the double sign,
Ice cream and oysters, too.
Boston Courier.
The latest gem in the line of coroners Jury
verdicts comes from Dakota, where a jury
found that she came to her death from q
felonous desire to reach happy hereafter"
Alta California
Clergyman (overtaiing young couple Of his
congregation ON their way to churchl-W ont
you and your friend get in and drive with me
to church, Miss Blanche' Miss Blanche in
nocentiy)-Oh no. thank you; we only go
for the walk.-Life.
Laura" said Mrs. Parvenu, on the hotel
piazza, to her dauchter-"L Laura, 20 and ask
the leader of them orchestras to play that
sympathy from Meddlejohn' over again. It's
such an awful favorite of mine and your
fathers, too!"-Boston Traveller
If eastern journalism wants to keep pace
with the enterprise of the young and vigorous
west, it must dish up Its news in this shape:
Rev. William Wacks, the evangelist, went
cunning for sinners at Haytiold and bagged
500 converts in four weeks. "-Norristown
Herald.
Fogg has said the meanest thing any man
ever was capable of saving. When Mrs +.
left him alone in the house the o;her evening
she remarked: You won't be lonely, dear'"
mo" he replied; Il shan't miss you at all
| The parrot, you know, is here. Boston
| Transcript.
| A man from Detroit silent sat on third base,
Singing Cage, Chicago, Chicago.
| In vain did he wipe the hot tear from his face,
Singing Cage, Chicago, Chicago.
as it weakness of pitching or muffing,' cried,
"Or big lot of base hits all on the wrong sidet'
He sang very family and slowly he died
Chicago Chicago, Chicago. Life.
A canine with a tin can attached TO his tail
by a stout cord passed hurriedly down street.
us that dog madl" inquired an anxious pedes-
tran well, responded another, 81 caught
glimpse of his countenance Us he passed by,
and he didn't look the first bit pleased. y
PittSburg Dispatch.
You will always notice that when there is
nothing about the garden to cut the grass
with hut II common break-bacl. :. kle the
wife alwaYs does the work but when there is
a new patent lawn mower around, the man
of the house is always very willing to accept
the rcspon,ihi,ity.-Th Judge.
The following notice is posted on a fence in
Morris county, Texas; If any mans or
wonan's cows or oxen gifts in these here oats
his or her tail Will be cut Off, as the case may
be- am Christian man and pay my taxes
but ,l-n a man who lets his critters loose
say New York Tribune.
The rude brakeman again. rs this the
right train" lady asked of IA brakeman the
other day. where are you going, ma'amf
replied the brakeman. "None of your Dusi
ness sir retorted the lady. Il shall report
YOU to the Superintendent for impudence,
And she actually did.-New York Tribune.
1t is strange how circus will upset a town
Thirty or forty years ago, people were heard
to remark on coming out of circus: We'll
when you catch me going to place like thf
again You'll know it." Every year since tn,
first show started on the road that SAINT
remark has been made, but those people ar
ALWAYS the very first at the main entrance
! when the next one pitches its tentS.-Peck'
Sun.
"What have you been doing up in the jus
tees ofiicel" asked man of a serious-look
! ing individual who came down the stairs
aAre you married, my friendr interrogate'
the serious looking individual YES replies
the other. lis your mother-n-law livingi
"No." well, then, you will not fully appre
) ciate what have been doing. | have bee
taking an oath-a solemn oath-that If m,
wife died and should marry again my sec
ond wife will be an orphan if have to wal
till she is 100 years old."-St Paul Globe.