Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1886-04-18
DIDN'T KNOW BILE SIMS" "
A GENTLEMAN FROM GeNTLEMANS-
WILLIE SEEKING INFORMATION.

WILLIE SEEKING INFORMATION.
A Hotel Clerk and a Bartender Amuss
and Dumbfound Him-Idiotic HiIsrity
-Growing DignIhed-Never Heard of
the ROndout Terror.
The young man was evidently q student
from some suburban educational institution,
for he came in the hotel office with that kick
a-dry goods box into the street and put the
shoemaker = -sign-Over- r-thedoctors s-donr sort
Of an air that always goes hand in hand with
the pursuit Of knowledge in rural halls II
learning. II the market price Of beer Was 81
a gIaSs it would have been a safe bet that the
young man had the price Of a ticket 10 Chi
CagO, with sleeping car attachment, boarded
safely away in under his vest
There was no way Of telling whether he had
tarried long OF not at the beer mug, but there
was no room for doubt that whoever had dal
lied with the faucet in his behalf had daIlied
etfectually. The young man stood for "A mo-
ment by the door, and gszed at the clerks
desk as lungingIy as a man could who had to
shut one eye 10 gaze at all. He evidently
thought that the clerk and the desk would
swing around TO him presently But they
didn't, and the youth finally braced himself
AID made a dash for the desk He got there
Just in time TO save himself He rested his
hands on the counter and gathered conf
dence Leaning forward, he addressed the
clerk:
CHAT WITH THE CLERK
"ZennybOdy seen-hic-seen Bile Sims"
said he. "ZennybOdy seen mr.
Il beg pardon said the clerk, as he srnil-
ingly careened his ear over little nearer TO
his interrogation. The young gentleman
from the rural home of the classics looked at
the clerk in one-eyed uncertainty for a mo
ment, and then ejaculAted:
HUH
II didn't exactly hear what you were say
ing replied the clerk politely. Il didn't TN
derstand you"
"Uh, ye didn't heyr replied the youth, this
time diSlainfully. "Ye didn't hey. Stoo
bad, Didn't hear me, hey Sh1i gwout n
buy yn ear -hic-near trumpet Mi
talkin' wild Injun, ram l a deaf'n dumb
Chinaman tryIn' twarble Welsh Jr, er
see
At this point a passing recollection of some
thing funny fitted across the young mans
mind, and he gave himself up for few SO
Onds TO that idiOtic hilarity with which the
custodian of jag of beer sometimes frUths
over Then he smote the counter with his fist
and rounded off his mirth with:
"Wh-e-e-e-e. JIMMY! Hoe her down, Sal,
I've blister heel
Then the young man slowly recovered him
self, and once more got the clerk in focus.
~Bussay, Gus" said he Say; ZennybOdy
seen-oh. ye didn't hear me, huht Who're
you, 'nyhowr
I'm the clerk, ," replied the patient party.
"Oh, var hey.' said the youth. after a
swaying and blinking survey Of the clerk
CLERK, huht Say, Biz clerkt, stand up'n sass
smei I'll see 'bout't! Whezz floor walkeri
dwant'ny clerkt sass-hic- sine; 'nwont-
av't. Whezz floor walker"
"A-w-w come Off said the clerk You
burden me Go take spin on the body
vardel"
The young man grew dignified.
"LOokeer,' said he. Il amt my gilly, Pete.
STAN I'm ge'lman from Gelmansville, nj
d'want ny back talk. I'm a ge'lman. Ny fazz
gelman, n my muz gelman- All my
bruzz's gelmen, n so zall my sisss! San
My family zall ge'l-no! NJ wrong! All but
Ike" said the youth, again bordering ON lev
ity. My bruss Ike snow gelman Bruzz
Ike's a lawyer! Hay, GULLY Broth Ike's a
Say, Pete Ur ye wild me UT agin me"
INTERVIEWING THE BARTENDER
The clerk was neither wid him nor agin
him. He declined the flowing bowl but
steered the young man to the refreshment
baZaar
~Hlo" said the youth, as he wobbled up
and put out his hand to shake with the bar
tender. How is't, gov'norF'
Way up" said the bartender. -Four stO-
ries and mansard, tin shingles on the roof
"CioOd nough" rejoined the gentleman
from Gentlemansville. In open mother
boil Se'mmup"
"Mumm or Piperf asked the bartender,
"or small Widow"
Beer replied the youth. Boil beer"
Bad as thatr said the bartender Amt
you little reckless this evening, SENATOR"
"Za'ssall right, Gully" the young man as
sured the bartender. "Za'SSau right. Say
Seen Bile Smis t'nighti"
"WhOF'
"B1e Smis Bill, Bill, l-y, ly-BIe; Smi-
taitch-Smis. Bile Smis Seen 'mr
"Oh! Smith, Smith. No, | amt seen
him" replied the bartender Don't know
him-never heard Of him
The young man had his glass half way TO
his mouth. He held it poised in air for a
moment, and then placed it on the bar He
opened both eyes aud stared at the bartender
He was speechless for a minute, and then he
said:
Don't know him. Never heardvim9 Don
know Bile Smist Wh'azzis rve-hic-Hve
struck Never hesrd'v the Rondout terrOri
Say. He licked TOppy Grogan in one round.
n Toppy-say, whram II Don know the
demon slugger'v the coal docksi Bile Smis
the Toy t slung keg o beer 'nsidevim in
in rt-hic-fort'nine mince by the clock n
then ate the glass n here's duffer't never
heard'vim!"
The young man finished his beer Then he
leaned on the bar in dazed sort of way By
and by he said:
"Se'lz it, That SELF II! This cuny's play'd
out 'Sno use tryin' 70 be 'nybc-ly! T'mor' |
say Pe-hic-Petey. Tmor' / quit Dom
know Bile Smis! Never heardNim, Petey,
tmor' hire out fr missionary, NIL go down
tn grave peidlin' fal shirts to the sizzens o.
the Sou ':hic-SOu Sea islan's Say, gOv'nOr
s drown fgefulness in the fowin' bowl
Bile Smis slugged tn life out o Toppy Gro.
gan, 'nere's a man 'tnever heard'vim! Gov
hic-gov 'ner, s fget drownfuln,ss in fiOwin'
bowl Semmup"-New York Sun
When Gen. Terry Was Young.
Al Terry, the general, used to bo in the old