The Irish standard., 1886-11-13
STANDARD BREVITIES,

The round trip-C Circumneyigatine
the globe.
A fee simple-Laying quarter be
side your plate.
Life is short, but it isn't half so shor
~ come men are all through life.
Motto for chicken thief-Neve?
sount your chickens before they art
snatched.
There would not be 80 many long
aermons ii men were obliged to prac
tiee what they preach.
A. Cincinnati pork dealer has had his
career written up. 1t is in the forna O.
buy-hog ~raphy.
4 girl, speaking Of a certain youth
says that the only thing about him that
asn t fresh are his tears.
The girls will be pleased with uni
form marriage law if the uniform Is
pretty and there ls man in it.
s'Our club is in hourishing conoi-
Mon,' remarked q correspondent.
Please don't come this way with it.
There is very little independence to
10 found in this world. Even Deer
1slxnd is crowded with time-servers.
Did you ever gee man with q dla-
aaona collar button who did not think
that necktias were going out OF fashion.
strhere is something I have just
aaahcd off, said the poet, as he
Knocked his would-he scn-in-law off the
door step.
.tAlways aim higher than the mark. -
says s. philosopher If there is q straw
berry mark OH her chin this is good adj
vice.
& new poem commences with the Line,
>sj wish to die away from home" 1t
sounds as il it might be rough on rats,
bat it isn't
At Waterloo, Iowa. they have "a Gu
sanaber on exhibition that is four feet
long. Properly applied it would make
4 doctor rich.
Nilson's Wedding was postponed at
the lust minute. Probably the Count
Case de Miranda didn't have good
day with the organ.
Why is baby fed from ten to s dozen
times day? Because babies should be
allied up Whenever they show any symr-
toms Of ''hollerness -
The King OF Corea has ordered some
lamps for his dinner table at $75 each,
from New York Evidently light re-
past is expensive in Corea.
Rosa Bonheur proposes to paint three
typical American horses. We recon-
mend her to notice the saw horse, the
alothes-horse and the dark horse.
The boy who Quails at the sight OF a
mustard plaster, is the same lad that
goes fearlessly forth to tackle q bees
nest with handful OF willow switches.
First minister: 'tIlst think of it, they
gave me but 500 for my Sermon" Sec
end minister: why, ! wouldn't have
preached thai sermon of yours for SlOc.
The mummy of Raneses I'LL, recent
lv exhumeu near Cairo. was found to be
bald-hesdcd. Matrimonv was evident
~ inaulge0 i'll by The ancient Egypt
iaus.
GIVE been digging for water to the
depth OF fourteen on fifteen feet. but ]
don't seem TO get along.'' ''Well, dig
forty or fifty feet and you'll have along
well.''
YES" bawled a social orator. II
am in favor OF the early closing move
ment for the great mass OF toilezs.
We'll, slut up, now, yelled pracsi-
cal auditor on the floor.
There is difference in things IN dif-
ierent places. Here they say it takes
nine tailors to make man. while in
Tennessee they are trying to make a
governor out of two Of them.
Said young doctor to a lady pa
tient; s:You must take exercise for your
health, my dear ''All right she
said, ':rtl jump at the first offer
They were married in about six months.
They coll it a romantic marriage in
Minnesota when Il couple Of the neigh
hors gets the brides father in back