Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-07-18
BRIGHT BITS.

The greatest mental effort that Philadel-
phia dupe makes IS when he has to determine
"hei her 20 take out his cane or his umbrella.
-P"t'ddefDhid Worth american.
TIE civil serviee commission make a long
report on the Wlesed dom - Of the Baltimore
Po5Lm isLer, but L did not occur to Them TO say
That IN, !, he was Of Yeazey political yirtue.-Lo~-
YES, GuiteaR's curse is working havoc
among his enemies. Cprkh1l Is dead, and so
are several others that he cursed. There is
no dpubt that before leo wears shave pissed
come to an untimely end.-DeSroit Free Press.
CHILD-Grandpa, how old are you?
Grandpa am 81 years old, my little dear.
On ld-Ihen you was born so years before
was.
Grandpa-Yes, my little girl
Chlld-Law, what long time you had to
wait for me- IeJds SiJti1gs.
"WHAT is that, mother?" THE eagle, child
Proudly cpreering his course so wild"
And where are his haunting tail feathers,
pray?"
Naughty Canadians pulled them AWAY"
AMI IS not the eagle now crippled qulte?"
"No-he'll fly along at the usual height"
THE following was actually heard on Chapel
street: Two urChins, one of whom Is PLAYING
the part of a walking advertiser, meet. His
friend ob'erves the posi- lion he occupies be-
tween the two advertising boards, and sym
pathetlcallY calls out: Hello, Jimmy, yer
poor dom little fly, no put you in the trap?''
-NelC HdUea Netos,
MRS. BAGLEY-William, how is it that
Boston people are SO literary, so refined, so
noble, and so celebrated? Bagey (angrlly)-
lhty amt. Because your fathers aunt was
born In Boston you are a regular HUI
NorShlper. Tell me nowif Boston Is so great,
why don't they get up big exposition? Mrs.
BaEiey (tranQully)-Perhaps my dear, there
Is nothing to eXpose.-PhtadelDhi0 CAL.
SOME teachers know how to deal with boys
The members of a certain high school. after a
long debate, decided that the marking system
was injurious and unfair. and petitioned the
principal to abolish it. I'VE know" said ne
spoke man, whether we have prepared our
lessons or not; the re ord of an accidental
miss may be quite misleading" There was a
grand base ball match Impending in which
the whole school WAS intensely interested.
Let us try 1t on the ball ground first" said
the teacher. I'm the coming match keep M
score. You will know whether you play well
or Ill, and as for errors the are often pure
accident; why record them?' The boys smiled
and withdrew. I he reasoning was too muCn
for them.-Ne10 York Ledger.
THE London Spectator says: "The best
American humorists do not try to be funny -
The lazy lOuts That Is exactly what we've
been thinking about them for two or three
ears. We knew they could be funny if they
would try, but they don't try. This explains
the absence of anything funny from the work
OF some of the best American humorists. But
because the humori-t is not funny he 10 none
the less humOrist. III he prefers to foot uu
columns of election returns, or write long
essays on the solution OF the labor problem,
rather than write funny Jokes. he is still a
humOrst. True. this isn't very cOnsoling Ia
the man who buys humorous book, hoping
10 sit down herewith and enjoy many a
hearty laugh. but finds it full OF figures and
dry facts aud heavy reasoning But that is
only becau.e the hpnToTlst has not tried to be
funny. What Henp,N Qq ask, is the disap-
pointed reader t.. dop otIe must laugh him
self sore thinking 'R6w' funny the humorist
would have Seer had A6 only tried .-BrookIy1l
Fg0Le -tHrHHi DUuNf