Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1886-10-29
Letter from an Office Seeker.

To the Dear People Of the Territory:
As it has become quite fashionable
to make announcements, | thought
perhaps I'd better announce; for one
might as we'll be out of the world as
out of the fashion. 1t seems to have
become almost mania among candi-
dates and is deserving of a name. In
the absence of suitable word in the
vocabulary, l shall coin a new word
and call it dnnounciO-pOliticO- mania
| never coin words except in cases OF
great emergency. All ! ask OF the fu-
ture publishers of the revised edition
of Webster is to give me credit for
this COIN"
l am afraid l have got the above
named disease and "got it bad," at
least l have the symptoms. 1 have
suddenly been affected with a strong
desire for Office, coupled with an ex-
cessiye love for the dear people," and
allow me to remark right here that
don't think there is anything that will
imbue one with so much love for his
fellow man as a" hankering" for Office
AS / am in the announcing business
l might as well announce myself for a
big thing" at once, and shall, there.
fore, announce myself as candidate
for Congress or the Legislature. Pre-
sumptious?" you say. Why so!
There have been bigger fools than in
both places. 1t don't require great
amount OF talent. Any fool can vote
especially, if he has a friend to tell him
how. | might not be able to get up a
bill, but there will be plenty Of lawyers
to do that. Most of our legislators
merely vote ;" simply that and nothing
more" Oh, yes. l have held the
Office Of Justice of the Peace for nearly
two years q mention this for fear
there might be some one who hadn't
heard of iD but it is not a very lucra-
tive office, paying about four-bits a
year. This is hardly sufficient, with
the most rigid economy to support
ones family. Of course there is a
heap" of honor connected with it, but
too little collateral | don't wish tc
be understood as complaining against
my constituents for electing me. II
is just the reverse. Ny heart swelll
with gratitude whenever / think Of
the sacrifice they made, for either one
might have had it himself had it not
been for accommodating me. Out o1
the score of candidates who have an.
nounced themselves as candidates foI
the various offices not one has given a
solitary reason why he should receive
the support of the people. This is, in
my opinion, great oversight on their
part. We should always be willing
aud able to show cause" propose
to show"
In the first place l was born in the
old Buckeye State, at very early pc
riod of my life, and have lived within
the domain of Uncle Samuel ever
since; consequently I am free-born,
and at least half white, and entitled to
an Office if / can get it.
In the second place, l am not good
for anything else that l know of, and
you can't make me believe there is
anything made in vain.
In the third place, l used to steal
chickens, turkeys, potatoes and the
like, while in the army, when we got
short of grub; the boys called it "jay-
hawking" but l called it stealing. !
think it more appropriate. 1 look
upon this as my strongest point.
This one item ought to be worth TWEEN
ty votes.
'Tis true l never abused my old
father or mother, or got drunk and
kicked my wife out of the house, but
always thought discretion was the
better part of valor." ! hope you will
make some allowance for that.
never held an office for Is years, MOI
defaced my children's tombstones, MOI
appropriated any of the county funds
nor skipped to Canada with a $780,
600, but l never had an opportunity
Just give me a chance once. There
are other things that / presume will
work against me. For instance, I am
opposed to female suffrage. / sympa
thize with the laboring classes, and be
lieve saloon-keeper has some right.
we are bound to respect. 1 wouldn't
have said anything about this, but
knew if I didn't somebody else would
Now, my dear fellow-citizens, have
tried to set forth the facts in the case
to the best of my ability, and if there
is anything of importance that have
omitted l hope you will call my atten
ton to it. Ii there are any othel
mean tricks that you can think of tha
l have omitted, don't fail to have then
published so that l may have the full
beneft. "Come and take something.
Ladies, have dish of ice cream?
Yours politically,
j. c. CONNIE.
SOUTHERN women take kindly t,
journalism. Over fifty are connected