davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-12-09
*. AMiAELE AND HELPFUL.
A Lady Authors View Of What a Wife
Should lie.

A Lady Author. View Of What Wife
Should lie.
Some one has sail that al women
should be Icautiiul-of course we all
wouid be beautiful il we could have a
hand in the making Of our faces. There
are few women who have perfect feat
ures, or perfect compilations, and 60
there arc not many beautiful woman.
But almost all women have one attrac-
tive feature, and ere pretty: or. at
least, they can make themselves at
tractlve. 1t is not always beauty Of
face and form that wins the day: let us
cultivate then tie graces of the mind
and heart.
1t is true. pretty face attracts at
tcntion, but ii does not always win re-
gard, or retain affection. Eut though
girls ma. not think so, most men look
for something more than pretty face
in the woman they desire to marry, or
why is it that 50 many very plain WON
en- marry such very nice men.
! have met men and women SO
charming in manner and conversation.
that did not think Of their looks ae
ALL But being asked afterwards il
such or such Il person was handsome. /
was obliged TO stop and think, and re-
calling their features, decide that such
a one was very handsome. and such q
one was very plain.
But because woman is plain. and
her face does not Immediately attract
notice from every passrr-ls let her
make herself. her inmost self. mean,
not her outward dress. all the more at
tractiye. Let her cultivate amabiiity.
] once heard a man, who was not hap
nv In his married life, say: Il think it
must be Il Heaven on earth to be mar.
ried TO an amiable wcman!' Amia-
bility can be cultivated just rs well rs
music, or painting, or embroidery. or
any thing else. But do YOU know what
it IS to DC amiablea
1t il to be unselfish-- and to be unset
fish one must he indifferent to self. To
be unspliish, to think more OF anoth-
ers comforts than of our own; give up
our little whims and fancies to please
others. and to rive them mp amiablv.
That is it, to give up amiably. But to
be amiable is t. have sweet smile and
q pleasant word for every one. Sweet
smiles and pleasant words cost but lit.
tie. only slight effort to ourselves,
perhaps, and la1it viii yss'sus sssE
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-12-09
PLAIN DEALER,
" r MEAD. Editor
TIf.gsDsI DEC. =. lssf

i. /. .ls fte.t. saeMscf Il eet.-
rress. from III, fifth INA district
has RESIGNED q 4 quarrel with ,hs
administration Owe. tic lows CT.
Post Office. II ATf. Frederick OF, !!
his constituents no other duty itfan
to distribute Offices among them,
having failed to make such distribu-
ton az he believed. he has done just
right. II he owed them other sersi-
ces than this he l. censurablc Ios
abandoning it and them.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-12-09

ZION are a policeman, arc you not!'
Gked an attorney Of witness in Judge
LAWYERS court.
II am. and have been such for fve
pears"
Nov. SIR" continued the attorney,
ssdid you not 90 to tho defendant in
this case and tell him that you were
the compliments lawyer?a
..What?" asked the witness. ''Do !
understand that you asked me il ] had
represented myself as police court
lawycre"
"Ycs. sir; . lawyer is what ] said"
mo, sir; have not got 50 low -
1hat yet"
1yitnesA was excused ~6an Fran
l6bR
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-12-09
THE LONG BOW.
Two East Indians Who Were Experts 1t
Pulling 10.

Two East Indians who were Experts 1t
Pulling II.
Our story-tellers are credited with .
good faculty for cxa.geration. Tho
exercise Of this gift has acquired tho
namo Of pulling the long bow" per-
haps because 1t has been used so large
~ by sportsmen when recounting their
exploits. From what is related Of tho
professional. story-tellcrs OF India. il
seems that We are not alone in the en-,
joymcnt Of this distinction. An English
writer tells with what result lie raj
lied one Of these upon his facility in
lying.
"Why. sahib.' he answered, with q
grin, 1--WE are all more or less liars in
my country, and If one tells story,
another Immediately caps it. There
were two young men OF my country
WHO had a Boosting match, and ono
said:
My father is so rich and has so
many horses that his stable is OF such
extent as to take horse eleven months
to go from one end stall to the other
.'Shabash. BROTHER replied the sec
ond boaster, that is very good. My
father has a bamboo 80 long that he
can sweep the clouds away with it
when they obscure the sun in harvest
time.
".Hi! hi exclaimed the first. That
Is very wonderful; but pray, brother,
where does your father keep such a
long bamboo?'
".Whv, you stupid!' was the answer.
In your fathers stable, to be surc! !"
-louth's Companion.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-12-09
Private Sale of Cattle and Horses,


Twenty five work horses, brood
mares and colts, will be sold on time
for approved notes or for cash.
Thirty high grade COWS and heif-
ers in calf, by i thorough bred Short
Horn bull.
Ten head thoroughbred Short
Horn COWS and hrifcr,.
Two thoroughbred Short Horn
bulls.
A lot OF farm machinery, wagons,
and harnesses, will also he sold ut
private sal. aud time given, on APP
proved notes.
To see the stock or for terms APP
ply on my farm six miles East OF
Creseo.ia Orleans township, or ad-
dress, GILBERT WATRos,
Off Crescc, Iowa.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-12-09

1T would somewhat surprise crit.
cal opponents Of the beauties of ..thc
well OF English indebted" to learn
that Swift said 1.-The sun has rose;
that Gay wrote .'Sure some disaster
has beteiT': that Hermoinc. in the
winters Tale asks ..Shall as attend
yon?" and that Caliban, in .'The Tenn.
pest exclaims ''The red plague rid
you for learning me your language,
while took for taken" is in Milton's
verses on the death Of Shakcspcare,-
Bas.imUre IeruiM
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-12-09
4 sIrNnLIp

GaeS not refer possible I,.ielilsels 10 his
victims Ins .ini.s.iinf.s 20. gladly re.
i4.s sn..ercrs iiam .l.,uaGii.ni, neuralgia,
ssisltita, n.sfyu,is or sick l,a,:t.lie, kpl,.es
~. iistr c.isr,ailt. 10 ,ao4, Mo .a,t teen
c,esed u .i.es; diseases i, ALL, loia., and
vii lnIui il Names ma,. a.t,.i. ss,s ai man.
s'iti, l.lso,ste .hvse desiring ii.sm. Ath-
tolneia, Is the only remedy FOL desc dis
e.s,s that can strand suell test.
Mrs. Thos. Met re, Sanford Block, COZ rer
ath ard Main streets, Dhhll,e, Iowa, SAYS:
1 al. sill Will. Last winter MAS 4 very
sever inti cold oLe icr lie, ut ! dill not
hasc.;l. t.anot tic I'll, una.i m at!iio-
rk"a5 haa proven leoi R,s.t,.n. ior
me. .a}3, / Il Year ago Mrs. Mauu had
assI% severe attack oi in..anm;t ~ rheu-
nttini, in which tic feet and hands were
very laaei, sNa..tn, SC much 30 that yon
COIL sea.ce'y SC one q the ankles, and
some ni Tie tee nai:s were completely COW
nint I tic a4onies Of death. Finally, after
restiting t. various remedies with no
avail Ter husband noticed tie advertise
ment Of At'llolhoIos. The result OF its Use
WAS miraculous tie swelling was soon re-
Gueed, the pin subdued, and size was
again up and around ard has not teen
troubled since.
Webster City, Iowa.
do not think many have suffered with
neuralgia 4, | have fer | | years, and last
winter thought | would Try .Athlophoros.
! - 1t fer SIX bottles and gave two away to
others tll4t were suffering. | teek tic
other foar. | am ll@.s>ei to eay it Las
been a great iennttt L. ne | have not
had a severe attack since. feel better
than have been FOR Eve years
L. n. RossfrrT.
Every druggist should keep Athloph oros
All Athiophorns Pills, hut vhue they cam
not ne bought Of the druIsis, the Ailllo-
phoco. Co, II. Wall St., New York, will
seal either lcarrlage paid IN teetir, Of
.esllar price, which is $40 r.r toule
Tor ith'anharas and Soc. fer iiI,s.
~; For liver and kidney diseases aysrusia. in,
dt!estoa weakness, nervous Ctft III, disease
2 8 Yemen, CONSTIPATION. Ica,fafte. i,sInre
e'psa, SC, Ata:ophosos Puis as Ias.,saled, 10
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-12-09
Can be

cured By taking 10 DIS sarsapari.!a. SIR.
Alfred Cunningham, Talion avenue. Provt
dsnce. i. /, says: - hivo suffered With
eatarrh In my Lead for years, and paid oss
hundreds OF dollars for medicines, but have
heretofore received only temporary relief.
began to take Hoods Sarsaparilla. and nov
my catarTh is nearly cured, the weakness q
my body Is all gone, my appetite Is good-i1
fact, feel ike another person. Hoods Sag.
saparilla Is the best medicine I have eves
taken, and The only one which did mo pcrma.
aent good. cordially recommend It, 4
gentleman IN Worcester. Mass, who Wao
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-12-09
Cafarrh

1s constitutional disessn. caused by scrofu-
lons taint III tic blcos. Hoods Sarsal arilla.
ie!,,g a cersiiius oral remedy, pu.iGrs tho
blood. bui..s u? tii. s..ole s.stcm. ard Ier-
mancnt.y curessa.arfi,. Thousands Of Ieople
.ho suffered sasere'y with this disagrecaolo
disease, testify VIA tic. surc Tat c.;.4Ih
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-12-09
Cured

or eatafrh BY Hoods Sarsararilla, says: = ]
would not take any moneyed consideration
for the good ono lottlc did me-" II you arp
) sufferer, do not tut OF taking . simple
remedy till your bronchial tubes or lungs are
affected. and consumption has gained = hold
upon you. Be wise In time That now from
the nose, ringing noise IL tile ears. pain In the
head. Inflammation Of the throat, cough, and
nervous prostration will DO cured II you take
Hoods Sarsaparilla
Sold by AL druggists. II; six for IS. Prepared
byc.I HOOD 4 Co, Aposhecaries, Lowell. MasA
100 Doses CHo Dollar
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-12-09

\ a., James River, Va, In Clare
mont GoiOny. Illustrated cir
GUAR free. j. +. MANCHA.
. Claremont, Virginia, 1914
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1886-12-09

Please Don't FOlrt 1t

That DR.. H. James GANSaBIs INnicA IS prerar-
ed In Calcutta, India, from thu purcs;; and best
Native IIrmn. and Is the only remedy. either in
tina, country or this. that vii positively aud
ard permaHeatly cnre COssIHPTiOs. BROS.
CHITIS, ASTHMA. NASAL CtrAEAH and NERVOUS
DEBILITY. or break ND fresh cold In p hours.
e. - Der bottle three bottles % ~. Graddprk
Il TO, prpprietora, 13s Race ~ thila. l0t4
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-06-26
MALICIOUS BIRDIE.
How She Hurt the Feelings of n Danger
Gus akBelle.

How She Hurt the Feelings of a Danger
Gus RivahBelIe.
Miss Esmeralda Longcoffin, immedi-
ately after the students at the Univer-
sity Of Texas had gone home for their
vacation, appeared in public with her
hair cut very short. Meeting her at a
ball, Miss Birdie McGinnis, who is .
rival belle, said, in voice of horror:
"Why, my deares: Esmeralda, you
look like perfect fright. How did you
come to cut off your beautiful locks'"
..It wasn't my fault, said Esmeralda,
blushing violently, '.the University
kids. Tom Anjerry and the rest of
them. are to blame for it.
"What have they got to do with it?'
Every one of them wanted lock of
my hair to take home with them. and
couldn't refuse them, said Esmeralda,
blushing still more violently.
81 believe it. l know your mouth
never utters lie" replied Birdie.
"Thank Won, Birdie"
"Do you know why your mouth never
utters a lie?"
NO"
.Because you do all your talking
through your nose"
And now they never pass as they
speak bv.-TerdS SittiRgS.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-06-26
A CHEATED JUDGE.
why He Imposed Heavy Fine Upon .
Cheeky Defendant.

Sneeky DeIenu3HV.
"Judge," said man who had beer
summoned on a jury, lit is impossible
for me to serve. My business is such
that can not leave it.''
"Any man can plead business" the
judge replied.
"Yes, know, but every mans busi-
ness is not SO pressing as mine is. l
tell you that no one but myself can
attend to it"
"Well, will excuse YOU"
The man went away-went a-fishing.
The next day bench warrant was
issued for him.
Il can make no defense. your honor,
except that told the truth. No one
but myself can do my fishing. If any
one else were to do it would not enjoy
it in the least. There are times when
man has to fsh-got to do it. Bass
and pike are striking now. Yesterday,
after trying minnows without success,
l tried troll. Well, sir, five-pound
bass nabbed it before it had touched
the water. He was so large, and pulled
SO hard. that had to play him. Never
saw any thing like it. He lashed the
water into foam. Never saw such
capers."
"Did you get him?" the judge ex-
citedly asked.
"Well, s.; broke my troll,
and"
..What!"
"Yes, snapped it off like pip. stem.
was determined to get him. SO
caught a grasshopper. stuck it on a
Limerick and put it under his nose.
He wouldn't even smell of it. / hadn't
another troll. so decided to shoot the
beauty. drew my pistol, leaned over
the water and, Just rs l was in the act
of pulling the trigger, the bass jumped
and grabbed the barrel of my pistol.
"What?"
"Yes s'r. and held on to it"
$50 you got him?'
"Yes sir. and the prints of his teeth
are in that pistol barrel now"
You don't tell me so?"
"Yes SIR
"Mr. Clerk" said the Judge. "enter
Up fine of one hundred dollars against
the defendant.
'.What. hundred dollars fine just
because l misrepresented-
30. no." said the Judge. Il don't
fine You because You told a lie, but
because You did not tell ME that you
were going fishing. l would have ad-
iourned court and gone with you.-Ar-
kdnsaU Trdreier.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-06-26
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

After nine years labor. the first re-
vision of the Malagasy Bible is now
completed.
There are now thlrty-one women
in the Universalist ministry. Six OF
these have churches in Him ois.-Chs-
cdgo Inter Ocean.
1t is stated that nearly one thou.
sand persons have united with the Meth
odist Church at Los Angeles, CAL, as .
result of the recent revival.
The Baptist Southern Theological
Seminary has had $4,000 given to it
by Messrs. Rockefeller, Hoyt, Bostwick
Pratt and others.
Rev j. Benson Hamilton, of Now
York, illustrates his sermons by means
of q blackboard at the rear of the pull
pit. He is drawing large audiences.-
N r Times.
The pupils of q Georgia school
who went out on strike against an OBJ
noxious teacher got so far as to nail up
the school-house door. Then their
daddies took them in charge.-Chicdgo
Mail
The superintendent of the Rutland
Vt.) schools encourages the pupils to
lay aside their spare pennies in saw
ings bank, and with such success that
at the end of last month they had de-
posted about two hundred dollars
Rutland Herald.
The order of Jesuits, which has
been in existence $50 years. has sup
piled the world with 248 saints, 1,500
martyrs, IS Popes, 60 Cardinals, 1000
Archbishops and Bishops, and has at
present $500 missionaries.-N. Y. In
dependent.
The French officials on the island
of Marc. New Caledonia, continue
their high-handed persecution and i'm
prisonment of the native Christian pas
tors for the crime of being Protestant
Christians. As yet no effort to secure
redress has been available.
Rev. Dr. Carey, of Delhi, India. in
q recent missionary speech in England.
said that there are two William Careys
now in the missionary field, both con-
nected with the Baptist Society, and
that another of that name. now little
boy, he trusted would vet be mission
ary.
-4ne NcW Cu&lAnu SOuIcIcuCo u
the Methodist Episcopal Church re-
Gently held its eighty-seventh annual
session at the Washington Street
Church, Newburyport, Mass. The
membership of the churches repre-
sented has increased to more than
thirtv-five thousand, and the number
of pastors has more than doubled since
the conference last met in Newbury-
port, thirty-five years ago. = Boston
Journal.
The New York Examiner reports
religious interest in most of the Baptist
schools for colored people. In Rich
mond Theological Seminary q number
of students are planning to 60 to
Africa as missionaries. AT Hartshorn
Memorial Cole ge, In Richmond, the
students have given eighty dollars for
African missions. At the Atlanta
Seminary one hundred and twenty-five
young men are enrolled, nearly half of
whom are ordained, licensed, or have
the ministery in view.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-06-26
A LONG WAIT.
An Outraged Detroiter's Grim and Bloody
Determination.

An Outraged Detroiter's Grim and Bloody
Determination.
There was a man at the Central
vegetable market yesterday with a
small and sickly-looking century plant
in a cheap pot, and he was mad.
"Look-a-here!" he said to the owner
of each fower-stand in succession,
''didn't you sell me this ere plant five
years ago."
Each one answered in the negative.
Then he made such row that police
man came up and told him to hush.
Haven't l got right to TALK de-
manded the man, in high dudgeon.
'.When have been swindled, cheated.
robbed and made a fool of must
keep silence in this free land?"
..What is the cause of your woe?"
81 bought this plant of somebody
here about five years ago. They told
me that it was ninety-tive years old,
and that it would bloom this spring.
I've fooled away enough time on the
thing to build a house. I've set up
nights to nurse it. and I've gone home
BY day to keep it from freezing"
"Well, what's the matter?"
ssThey lied to me! I've had two
botanists examine it, and they tell me
the plant isn't ten years old! Think
of my fooling around for ninety years
to see the internal thing flower OUT"
"But what can you do?"
Il want to find the hyena who put
up the job on me. I'll make him eat
the whole outfit or break his neck"
Don't get excited. Take your
plant and 60 home"
.Never!"
He lifted the pot high in the air and
dashed the life out of the poor plant,
and then sat stiffiy down on a bench
folded his arms and said:
Ring for your old patrol wagon if
you want to! I'm going to sit right
here till l get eyes on the man who put
up ninety-five-year job on confid-
ing citizen!'- Free Press.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-06-26
A NOBLE DAUGHTER.
Tho Heroic and Touching Self-Sacrince Of
\ Loving Girl.


Our Thurso correspondent might
make beautiful little volume out OF
the life-story which he describes. 1t is
that of a crofter's daughter, who, when
her parents were incapacitated by the
infirmities of age from working their
little farm. and had the prospect Of
being thrown for their support on the
parish, resolved to do the work of the
croft with her own hands, and has done
it successfully for quarter of a century!
The father, still living. evidence of
this heroic daughters devotion, is a
respected elder in the Free Church. and
now nonogenarian. In order to
carry out her self-imposed task the
daughter resolved to graduate in
every department of farm work
(for which, however, she had
no congenial taste.) from the plow
to the barn; and during the twenty
five years that have elapsed since
she took up this position she has kept
the little farm equal in order to the
best around her, and has maintained
her aged parents in comfort and re-
spectability. Not only has she at
tended to all the kinds Of work needed
on the small holding, such as blowing,
sowing, reaping, ETC., she has also un-
dertaken outside work, driving her cart
with minerals from a neighborine
mine in company with men. some OF
them uncultivated and rude. Yet the
calm dignity of this woman never de-
serted her in the midst of such occupa-
tions; and by this extra work she was
enabled for many years to supplement
the modest income from the little farm.
For some time past she has been re-
lieved to a certain extent from the
more laborious toll on the croft by the
coming to maturity of young male
relative: but she still holds the relns.
She has always been regular attend
ant at church, however laborious the
duties of the week. She has we'll
cultured mind. and has read largely IN
standard literature.-Christion LeadeT'
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1886-06-26
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS

"A teacher Of swimming is SUBJ
merged in business even when he has
but one pupil. l.-Teras Sitssngs.
As the convalescent patient said to
the doctor, when an extravagant bill
was presented: '.What is the use of
your saving my life, if you shove bill
at me afterwards so big that worry
myself to death over it?-M r Tele-
gram.
-"Is there any thing which can be
both rare and well done at the same,
timer" asked Dobbs, a. he contem-
plated his roast beef. EYES," said
Nobbs, "a truly generous action is rare.
and it is, of course, well done. IN r.
Ledger.
An Irish peasant being asked why
he permitted his pig to take up its
quarters with his family, made an an
swer abounding with satirical naivete:
sWhy not? Doesn't the place afford
every convenience that . pig can re-
quire? ?"-Boston Post.
10. dearT' sighed Mrs. p. with .
toothache. why can't people be
born without teeth?" ''If you will re-
fleet moment my dear" replied Mr..
P, 'you will be convinced that such IS
the fact" ."-Burlington Free Press.
-Master-"John, how IS thisP This
letter must have arrived a week ago.,
and you have only just given it to me =
Valet-"But, sir, it only makes an aP-
pointment for tomorrow and did not
think it necessary to hand it to you De-
fore. ."-N. r Telegram.
-..What kind Of . man is he? good,
bad or indifferert?' "Well. if you size
him up alongside of Judas 1scariot, he
looms up middlin' fair; but when you
act him down between such fellows IS
YOU an me, Judge. he does dwindle
terrible surprisin'-he does for fact. :"
Prairie Farmer.
-Strong-minded Wife-Eh, Jeames.
YOU are great on languages; what is the
difference between exported and trans
ported?" Submissive husband-''Why.
INV dear, if you should 60 to the East
Indies you would be exported. and l.
well, l should be transported. "-Pias
surgh Chronicle.
Didn't stop to think: One Of her
friends, not very well of in . worldly
way, had brought her . simple but
pretty gift on her birthday. 'It's only
q tribe" the friend began, when Miss
Volatile interrupted her with: 20, no
apologies, beg. shall value it just
as much as the presents have received
which are really worth something. -
Horpers BazoF.