The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1886-01-23
WIT AND WISDOM.

dy, has a pet parrot of which he is very fond. A
few days ago her husband wa s monkeying with
the parrot, when he suddenly cried out in anguish
and danced around the room, holding his fingers
in his mouth, removing them from time to time
for the purpose of using his IN outh to turn loose
torrent OF profane language.
"Good graciousi What's the matter Charlss?''
THAT accursed parrot!'' ejas iulated the suffer
ing man.
"No, but the dear bird has bit piece out OF
my yd4 finger goodness hone az inf n,ts # clean
Eyes, it did"
aI wish YOU. would be more careful Charles.
The man Ibonght that bird from told me not to
let it taste meat under any clrcI instances. Poor
Polly Polly want cracker?"
The Sufferer from Cor sumption or
any Wasting Disease.-u not permanently
cured will find greater relh Elm the use OF
Scott's Emulsion of Pure Cod Liver
Oil with Hypophosphit:es than In any
other remedy they can use.
One of the suffrage lecturers t, lis Of farmers
wife who came to cast her first vote for school
committee As soon as she app cared inside the
ing aca a0fi assist You. madam with an air Of
gal1antry and solicitude which showed that ne
thought she must be almost crus he'd beneath the
burden of her political duties. L he woman looked
at him and then answered.: "H you had been
around this morning about five .a'clock, when |
getting breakfast might have cen glad of some
help; but if it is only about dropp ing my vote into
the box that you want to assist nj e, think can
do that myself; and she did-Wol mans Journal
Why don't you try Carter's Ii tile Liver Pills?
They are positive cure for sickl headache and all
the ills produced by disordered .Liver. Only one
pill dose.
Dong any one thing well-eveu setting stitches
and plating fris-puts key int ones hand to
the opening Of some other quite different secret;
and we cansnever know what may come out OF the
meanest drudgery.-A ID. L. VIM ney
CURE FOR CRoUP-Use DR.. Thou nass Eclectrio
Oil according to directions. 1t is Il lie best remedy
for all sudden attacks of colds, pain and infiam-
nation and for injuries
A minister made an interminatIe call upon
lady of his acquaintance. Her little daughter, who
was present, grew very weary OF h1s conversation,
and whispered in an audible key, Didn't he
bring his amen with him, mamma?D
Many of the leading physicians of Louisville and
the Southwest chew Colgan's Taffy 1rolu and rec
ommend it to their patients.
Deprayity of Inanimate Things Although it is
said to be extremely uncomfortable to stand on
ones head, it is matter of fact that tack viii
stand ON its head on the floor all day to catch you
as you walk across the room.
The paper that contains an article on subject
in which you are greatly interested always man
ages to get torn up, so that you can only secure
piece containing an absorbing portion, and not be
able to find the rest.
Law your fishing lines down perfectly straight,
and when you for them the next time you will find
them all tangled up and in perfect s1arl OF Gus
sedness.
much all the general cusSedness we en- counter in
this life comes from objects not endo wed with
animal life.-Puck.
There is no one article in the line of medicines
that gives so large return for the money as
good porous Strengthening plaster, such as Car
ters Smart Weed and Belladonna Backsehe Plas-
tiers.
Athlophoros has done more good Than any
thing have ever taken. l was great sufferer
frem rheumatism but since taking seven bottles
of the remedy think that am nearly or quite
cured G. 7. G ilson, Dunstable, Mass.
There is no moment like the present; not only
so, but moreover, there is no moment at Az there
is no instant force or energy, but in the present
The man who will not execute his resolutions
when they are fresh upon him can have NO hope
from them afterwards; they will be dissLpated,
lost and will perish in the hurry and Sktlrry OF
the world, or sunk in the slough of Incidence
Maria EdgeWorth.
The book reviewers throughout the coun-
try have been very busy the past few weeks IN ex-
amining the new edition of the Science of Life"
The criticisms are all one sided, that is to say,
they are all in high praise of this justly ceebrat
ed medical work. The book is advertised in this
paper.
An Indispa member of Congress, with bundle
of freshly on ~oed letters in his hand recently re-
marked eIf we're is anything in the world thai
mT neonle don't write to Congressman about.
don't know what New DSk h b e{ seIeffF ro
letter from the pack HE Writes 3 '0''0-
Dear Sir My husband eft EFT, me n seven seven ye yi
ago. and have not heard oe nat his present
you please go to the census OH 20 s 1'i' ~ o'oA'
address and send it to met? - =, a,o+,,o,.
Now, continued the member, 81 >e5 a Is snUsnfG
letter from citizen of my district, w '
me to write to the American Minister ~ Aoino
and get him an italian queen beep