Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1886-01-29
BABY
"A Few Humble Lay Observation on ~
Ancient Subject.

"A Few Humble Lay Observations on an
Ancient Subject.
Not being a married man, I am not
an authority on babies. Still, 1 have
seen and heard more or less of them,
within the last twenty-five years, and
should like to make a few humble lay
observations on a subject which has at
tracted the attention of the best minds
in all ages.
The baby, according to my observa.
ton, is in almost all climates, and at all
seasons of the year, nocturnal in its hab-
its. 1t is also diurnal a good share Of
the time; but this, of course, is a fact
not worth mentioning. Unlike the
young of most other species, the baby;
docs not recognize any parental distinc-i
tions, but will lament as bitterly willie,
riding on the paternal arm at the witch
ing hour of midnight as when claspcd
tenderly to the mothers bosom at sunny
midday. Its sole creed and language is
a cry; and no Christian or heather ever
lived up to a creed with more con-
scientious fidelity than does the baby. e.
The baby is not partial to paregoric;
that is a failing of it's parents. For it.
sell, the infant would much prefer LAM,
cntation between meals to sleep. But
there is a limit to all things, and, thank,
Heaven! %paregoric is cheaper than en-
durancc.
Judging from m personal expert
cnce, Il large share of the bnby's early
life is passed on the cars. / do not
know that 1 ever entered a car without
Enlipr q 1,obu thayo o1,ooI ~ oo "
ways brace myself for the wall the min
ute 1 open the door. and nine times out
of ten it is there. The car may be full
of passengers, but for all practical pur-
poses it is occupied entirely by the in,
FAINT. 1t is my firm conviction that ba-
bies do not like to travel. 1 may be
mistaken, for l base my Judgment en-
tirely upon appearances, but / have
never yet seen q baby who seemed to be
perfectly satisfied with the arrangements
provided for the comfort of the travel
ing public by railroad corporations. Why,
under these circumstances, babies should
be compelled to travel lean not compre-
bend. Perhaps it is because their fond
but unselfish parents wish the world to
share with them the winsomeness and
loneliness of infancy. 1 believe this is
the explanation usually given by con
ductors.
But there is one %disagreeable feature
about babies-I will not say which one,
some people think it is the nose, others
the hair. However that may be, you
are expected to admire the little brutes
just as much as if they were really beau
tiful. The fond mother will never for
give you if you don't say something
real sweet about her cherub. You must
disguise your real sentiments, and deal
in vencered platitudes of the too-sweet-
for-anything and perfectly-angclic
stamp. Don't liken the infant to its
Z father, especially if that gentleman is
slightly bald and is just beginning te
cultivate q sunset tinge at the tip of hi:
nose. Say that the babe resembles it,
mother, and you arc safe. If you add
that it is a remarkably charming and
beautiful child, you are in IL fair way to
reduce your board-bill by becoming a
frequent guest at the house of the little
stranger.
The best way to get along with babies
is to remember that you were once one
yourself. Your nose was just as red and
in~detcrminate as that; your hair was
just as scanty and colorlcss. You also
bawled from morning till night and
from night till morning, and visited the
| lotos-land of slumber only by the per.
functory path of paregoric. You pulled
the paternal hair and pounded the pa.
ternal eyes with your little fists. You
kept the whole house awake with the
) ebullitions of you empty woe; you
! sucked your thumbs and your toes and
your bottle like all the rest of them.
, But you are grown up, and the present
baby is not. That is the only difference
Paul Pastno,, IN Puck.