The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1886-06-25
TIE RAsE.RuRNER.

Welghty Considerations Involved I'm It's
Summer Removal to the WoOd-shed.
We haven't moved the coal stove out
of the sitting-room into the summer
kitchen yet, but we're going to. That
much was decided on at family coun-
Gil four weeks ago. When saw two
horse dray and six men drive up to the
house last November with that stove
when saw tackles and pulleys and
derricks and a windlass-when they
had finally got the stove in place and
the floor propped up from the cellar
1 figured on leaving the base-burner
just where they put it until it died Of
old age.
However, 1t has been decided to
move it. We want the sixteen square
feet of space it occupies for other pur-
poses.
1t is thirty-two feet from the stove to
the woodshed.
have measured it five or six times
over, and I'll bet hat I'm correct.
There are three door-ways to pass
through. I've counted 'em over and
over, and I'm dead certain the number
is three. One night last month /
dreamed the number was four, and |
awoke in a chill. You don't know
what relief it was when / got out of
bed and made sure that those door
ways had not increased in number
The man who had invented the base
burner had just donated 500, 900 to an
orphan asylum. He had 81, 900 left,
and instead of throwing it into the
river he invested it in iron for a coal
stove. He set out to make a stove as
big as cottage, but, luckily for the
public, death took him away before he
had perfected his plans. His executors
wanted to save enough iron to make
four boilers for a saw-mill and they
stole it off the stove.
have measured the width of my
coal stove and also of the dOorways.
The stove will pass through and spare
an eighth of an inch. l don't think
the inventor planned for this. 1 think
his idea was TO have awhole side of the
house taken out whenever the stove
was to be moved, but I'm under a
thousand obligations to him for his
mistake. One night / dreamed that
the stove was exactly nine feet too
wide to go through doorway, aud
woke myself up screaming ''Murderr"
and "Police!' / got out of bed and
measured it, and when my old figures
were verified l was the happiest man
in Detroit.
Yes, that stove has got to be moved.
invited eight of the neighbors over
the other night and we passed the fol-
lowing resolution:
'ReSOtUed, The stove must 60"
We talked about blocks, cap
STAINS, cranes, derricks, angles, rect
angles, quadrangles and direct force,
and we parted the best of friends. /
shall have them over again some even
ing this week, I've got an idea that we
can arrange in some way to move the
house thirty-two feet ahead, and thus
bring the stove into the wood-shed. II
the plan works the problem of moving
a twenty ton base-burner is solved.
We didn't decide on moving the
stove until after due consideration. We
agreed that it could be got into the
woOd-shed for, say:
Damage to house. $3.50
Defending suits brought for personal
damage by the movers 500
Direct charge by movers. 90
Total $500
There must be something very wrong
about man who won't put up this
trifle to give his over-worked coal stove
q summer location in a healthy local
ity.
We shan't move it just yet. There's
nothing rash about me when the well
fare of q whole neighborhood is at
stake. want to measure those thirty
two feet over again, and | want to
know how it comes that the doOr-ways
are wide enough for the stove to go
through. There's got to be some cal
culatiOns made on lateral pressure,
centrifugal force and supporting power.
1 dreamed about it last night. I
thought one of the legs gave out as
fifty men of US surrounded the stove.
and that the whole mountain of iron
fell over and killed twenty-five persons,
When / sprang Hp and found the old
stove all right on its sixteen legs, and
realized that was not to be hung for
murder, felt so happy thar woke the
children up to promise EN- something
in their Christmas stockings.-M.
quad, in Detroit Free Press.