The Portland daily press., 1886-02-04
WIT AND WISDOM.

The wife of a certain suburban was that nui-
sance among good cookS-a perpetual borrower.
One day it was a cupful of sugar, the next, box
of blueing and clothes wrlnger, and so on And
she wasn't half as good at returning as she was at
borrowing One day in the midst OF her cooking
not an egg was to be found over she went to one
of her neighbors, a widow of small means, and
borrowed the two or three eggs she happened to
have in the house. Several weeks elapsed, when
one afternoon she appeared in the Widows kltch-
en- Gtn hTee & Pspfr b Dsg come to return
something you let me have the other day. had
boiled eggs for breakfast this morning and these
are three had left over. Eggs are eggs, you
know"
Henry Sclenhals, foreman Henry Krug Pack
ing Co., St. Joseph Mo-, uses DR.. Thomas Eclec-
trio Oil with his men for sprains, cuts, bruises,
chapped hands, etc. 1t is the best.
When Fred got up late the other morning his
father solemniy quoted to him. go to the ant,
thou sluggard." Breakfast, was no sooner oyer
than the little fiye-year-Old disappeared. Ten
minutes later he walked into the sitting room OF
his aunts house, several blocks away. =. -.
sWhy Fred" she said, show does 1t happen
YOU are making me so much earlier call than
Papa told me to come, and he was mad about
STod you to Gomez, Angry about it2 Did he
send you an errand?"
II guess SO, but don't know what he wanted,
What did he say to you?"
why, he just said, GO to your aunt, you slug
gar
Those unhappy persons who suffer from ner
vousness and dyspepsia should use Carters Lit
tie Nerve Pills, which are made expressly for
sleepless, nervous, dyspeptic sufferers. Price %
cents, all druggists.
Something of novelty in clocks is recently
patented arrangement by which the metrica
striking announces the hear without the neceSSi-
ty of counting the strokes. This is effected by APP
plying the Morse system of intervals to the stroke
of an ordinary clock The ear at once detects the
correct hour, even i the first strokes were not
heard or counted There will be little difficulty
In learning the new system, and those who prefer
can still count the strokes The mechanism is
stated to be inexpensive, and applicable to exist
ing clocks.
Carriers Little Liver Pills will positively cure
SIGH headache and prevent its return. This is not
talk, but truth One pill dose. To be had of
all druggists. See advertisement.
With pardonable pride, a lady displayed very
ancient piece Of house linen to her servant, say
ct, at this tablecloth; it has been in family
for over two hundred years" Bridget eyed the
close up to her Mistress remarked in most CON
adentlal tone: 'Shure never mind, Mrs. Arthurs.
@ to Ea E Wb W Hfdd R0ow but n Waf
was brought bran'-new out of the shop?'
Scctt's Emulsion of Pure Cod Liver
Oil with Hypophospilites heals the in
inflammation of the throat and lungs-gives
strength--makes blood tones up the nervous sys-
TEN, and will absolutely cure Consumption in its
early stages.
William Henry Harrison:-"Say dad, lemme go
to de spring for a drink of water!''
Williams father-'Shet your fool nouf, chile,
an go on wild your work! Don't de Good Book
say: Hoe everyone that thrstest?' -
suffered from acute rheumatism in my right
shoulder and was advised to try Athlophoros. 1t
acted like charm, and I have been quite free
from any attack of the complaint since. Rev,
Charles E. Harris NOW of Brooklyn, L. H., New
Haven, CT.
The smallest frearm in the world is gold
watch chain in the form Of a revolver about an
inch long. Cartridges are made for it, and it is
claimed that it could do serious damage at short
range.
Thousands find quick relief from Indigestion and
sick stomachby chewing Colgan's Taffy Tolu. 5
cents bundle.
The organ grinder accompanied by the inevita-
bic monkey, was performing to the delight of the
children, A father asked his son Of five how he
liked the music. II like it very much" he re-
piled, but pity the mans little brother"
Dospeptics can eat hot biscuit when raised with
Congress Yeast Powder. a perfectly pure powder
containing no iniurious ingredients