Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1886-12-30


cipaliy to the West Indies and to Eu-
rope. but he sent adventures also 10
the East Indies. and the sails of his
vessels whitened almost every sea. It
Is difficult to say whether his success
was due entirely to luck. or whether
he really was q great Spectator. He
was universally called fool, and his
ordinary actions were those of . fool
or q mailman. Dexter was swift TO
initiate others, and often hettered the
instruction. Hearing one time that
there was scarcity of opium IN the
country, he bought up all that could
be obtained, and then resold it at q large
profit
Owning number:ess vessels, be was
yet so ignorant that he hardly knew
one part of q vessel from another. One
Of his riggers called upon him one time
for a large quantity of stuff to make
stays of. Dexter posted off to Salem
and Boston and purchased all the
whalebone to be found. and when he
brought it to Newburyport his work
men laughed at him for his stupidity.
He kept the whalebone, and in a few
weeks it was discovered that he had a
corner on the whalebone market, and
could command his own price for it.
In the height of his career he as
sumed the title of Lord, and insisted
on being addressed as Lord Timothy
Dexter, but his assumed title of nobil-
ity only made him greater laughing
stock. and did nothing to advance his
one ambition of shining in aristocratie
circles. That he never gained. and
never deserved. His wife seems tc
have been a very decent and respecta-
BILE woman, who had no sympathy
with his social ambitions. and who was
frequently driven from home by the
wild orgies he carried on with the boon
companions he invited there. His two
children, son and a daughter, were
both foolish and vicious. The latter
married; but became a drunkard and
! an outcast; but it is to the father 6
credit that he supported her and cared
for her until she died. The son also
| became a drunkard, and never showed
any capacity whatever for business.
One of Dexter's remarkable feats
was the writing of book. This ex.
traordinary performance was called
"A Pickle for the Knowing Ones" 1t
was q mixture of all the shreds and
patches of thoughts that ever entered
into the head of a fool. The spelling
was according to the light of nature,
and the grammar was nothing to speak
of. The following is passage from it:
To fourder friends. Iwill tell the tipe Of
mankind. What is that? IS or - years a9one
town called NOubry all won the Younited
States. Noubry peopel kept together till the
Larned growed strong, the FARMERS was II out
Of 20. they wanted to have the OfRsers in the
OOntry the Larned in the see port wanted &c
warm, fite they wood. in Law thay went the
jinrel COrt to be sOt OF. finely thay got there
Eauds answered. the see port called New.
burypOrt 6OO Eakers OF Land out of 10000
Eakers of good land SO much for mad. pe0-
pie of Larning makes them mad. If thay had
kept together thay wood have been the sekent
town in this state about half of Boston.
OF this work he published and gave
away a large edition, understanding
that the noblemen of England did not
sell their literary works, but sent them
as presents through the land. An
other performance of his was to build
his mausoleum. This of itself was not
strange, for millionaires in our day
have done the same, but Dexter was
resolved to see his own funeral. He ac-
cordingly had his coffin made. and
sent out announcements of his death,
with cards of invitation to the funeral
His wife and son and daughter were
arrayed in mourning, and, after the
burial service was read, the procession
moved from the house to the mauso-
leum erected in his garden. There
the coffin was deposited in the vault
and the party returned to the house.
where a sumptuous entertainment was
provided and the choicest wines flowed
like water. Dexter had watched with
great satisfaction the whole perform
ance from an upper window. He ex-
pressed himself pleased with every
thing except that the bells of the town
had not tolled for bis passing soul and
his wife had not shed tear. He rec.
titled this latter disappointment by
giving her Gaming that caused her to
she'd tears in abundance. The son had
performed his part to admiration, being
sufficiently drunk to weep without eff
fort.
In his relations with those under him
Dexter was liberal, and no workman
ever had cause to complain of him in
the matter of payment, but he would
show great wrath and would often
shoot at them if they did not do as he
explicitly wished. Like other eccen-
tries, he would sometimes have fits of
religious fervor and would make great
presents to churches and clergymen.
but would soon lapse into wild courses
again. In this way he continued his
course of life until October, 1906, when
he quietly expired in his splendid man.
sion. having reached the age of sixty
three. He made just disposition of
property by will, providing wisely for
the support of his son. and the child of
his daughter. and remembering, also,
his collateral relatives. The amount
of his fortune was never exactly known,
but he was ranked among the wealth.
lest persons of the time. His remains
were not allowed to repose in the
tomb he made for himseii. the author
tiles not consenting 70 it. He was
buried in the Hill Cemetery, in New
buryport. simple maidstone marking
he grave. Such was the first great