davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
Looking for Green.

A traveller for q wholesale Detroit
house was waiting in the depot at Pom
tiac the other day when stranger ap-
preached him and asked:
Isn't your name Green, of Grand
Rapids?'
No, sir"
'Ah! beg your pardon. l never saw
him, but expected him here to meet
me. Green is going to travel with a
circus this year, and was to give me S25
to post him up on some new catches. "
80 you've got something new?"
qucricd the Dctroiter.
Yes, few things. There is one
little trick | gave to q drummer a
few weeks ago, and he's made S75 on
it Already
Maybe you'd be kind enough to give
it away to me? I'm one of the boys,
YOU know"
certainly. The trick is TO tell the
date of any coin a man may have il
his pocket without looking at il"
But you can't do that
ooh, yes, l can. Have you got any
coins in your pocket?'
Yes; twenty of them"
"Well, can write down the date O
every one of them"
Say, I'll bet you $40 you can'tH' ex
claimed the drummer.
"Done!" said the other, as he pulled
out bill.
A very respectable-looking man wa
standing by, and the money was place.
in his hands.
Now" said the sharper, ''you turn
your face to the wall and fold you
arms. will write down the date anC
we will compare them
At the end of three minutes he haC
twenty dates, and they put the coins OF
the seat to make comparison. Th
man had hit only two dates out of tn
lot.
"Tll take that tenncr," said the De
trOter, rs he rose up and locke
around.
But he never did. The stakeholde
had slid out, and the man with tn
trick was bigger chap than he care
to tackle Detroit Free Press.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
An Indiana LAWYER.

A somewhat eminent lawyer in In
diana, Judge L, given at times to
bibulous conviviality, on appearing one
morning on the streets in Washington,
in that state, was accosted by minis
ter of the gospel as follows:
.Well, drunk again as usual,
Judge"
To which Judge 2 answered:
$50 am l." and passed on.
The same lawyer visited an Illinois
town and got on spree. A police Of
ficer told him if he did not 60 to his
hotel and keep off the street until he
got sober, he would be arrested and
locked up.
To this the judge answered: "You
can't (hic) do it."
why can't Ip'' inquired the officer.
because sir (hic) got no jurisdic.
ton; this is (hic) an Indiana drunk"
While getting shaved this lawyer,
who is quite bald-headed, was attempted
to be guyed by doctor whose hair was
very profuse. The doctor said:
why, Judge, you are getting quite
bald"
To this the Judge answered: Eyes
brains and hair don't grow together
BY the way, Doctor, / observe that you
have fine head of hair. Detroit Free
| Press.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
Father, Mother, and Three Sisters Dead.

Mr.. David Claypooi, formerly Sergeant at
Arms Of the New Jersey Senate, and now Notary
Public at Cedarville, Cumberland Co., N. j.,
makes the following startling statement: my
father, mother, and three sisters all died with
consumption, and my lungs were so weak /
raised blood. Nobody thought I could live
My work. (shipsmithing) was very straining on
me with my weak constitution, and | was rap
idly going to the grave. While in this condi-
ton commenced using Mishler's Herb Bitters,
and 1t saved my life. Because it was so diff
cult to get 1t in this little place, and had i'm
proved so much, stopped taking It for time,
and the result Is I have commenced going rap
idly down hill again. Somehow, Mishler's
Herb Btters gives appetite and strengthens
and builds me up rs nothing else does, and
must have dozen bottles at once. Use this
communication as you please and If any one
wants to be convinced Of its TRUTH let them
write me and will make affidavit to it, for l
owe my life to Mishler's Herb Bitters."
The secret of the almost invariable relief
and cure Of consumption, dysentary, diar-
rhea, dyspepsia, indigestion, kidney and liver
complaints, when Mshlers Herb Bitters is
used, is that 1t contains simple, harmless, and
vet powerful ingredenta, that act on the blood,
kidneys, aud liver, and through them strength
ems and invigorates the whole system. Purely
vegetable in its composition; prepared by a
regular physician; . standard medicinal prep
aratlon endorsed by physicians and druggists.
These are four strong points in favor of Mish-
ler's Herb Btters. Mishler's Herb Bitters is
sold by all druggists. Price s1.00 per large bot
tle 6 for $500.
Ask your druggist for MIsHLER's HERE BIT
| TIERS. II he dee not keep it, do not take any
| thing else, but send Q postal card to MIsHLER
He RIB BIrTEns Co. 525 Commerce ST., Philadelphia.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
A King With an Annette.

Victor Emmanuel, among his other
pcculiaritics, was tremendous eater,
and preferred to take his meals in the
strictcst privacy and with the most en-
tire freedom from restraint. Often,
when he was only King of Piedmont,
he would have all the dishes put on the
table at once, and then send away all
the servants. At such times he would
eat with his elbows on table, upsctting
the salt on the cloth, that he might the
more easily dip into it the little raw
onions which he was SO fond of, and
which he used to nibble all through the
dinner.
The quantity that he could eat was
amazing. On one of his hunting trips
he and his companions stoppedeat the
house of a countryman for the night
At supper they had veal outlets. After
the meal was over the king turned to
the officer next him and asked him how
many he supposed he (the king) had
eaten. As his plate was bare, for he
had been throwing the bones to his dog,
the officer, who had been watching the
! disappearance of the outlets with awe,
thought that he might venture on bit
of politcncss, and replied 1.-TWO OF
three" The King repeated the CUES
ton to the others in turn, and they all
out of respect, similarly undcrcsti
mated his exploits, until he came tc
Savoyard, who had no regard for any
thing but the truth, and replied prompt
ly, Your Majesty has eaten nine. =
The King laughingly admitted that he
was right.
1t was about the same time that an
other characteristic incident occurred
The King and ono of his friends, Signol
j., had taken shelter for the night in thu
hut of a countryman, who had not thu
remotcst idea of the identity of his illus
trious guest. The King noticed tina
Signor j., who was sitting near the iir'
next the host, kept turning away hi
head. What is the matter with you?'
asked the King, in French, which by thu
way, he spoke like Partisan. Il can
/. stand the smell of this man." said j.
che smells like wild beast BAH
said the King, ANY of us would smell
like that if we went for week withou
washing" "Oh, never" "Ycs W
would, I'll try it myself" So the KIM
, went to work conscientiously and neve
washed himself the least bit in tn
: world. At the end of five days j. cam
up to him and touching him respectful,
, ly on the elbow said: Your majest
: has won your bet, and not at the end c
l week, but of five days" The kin
: shouted with laughter, and was highl
/ delighted with the whole adventure
: Rome correspondence Providence JouI
g nal
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
The Future OF The Colored Race.

Frederick Douglass contributes to the May
number of the North American Review, a
brief article on the future of the colored race.
He says the negro stands before US to-day,
physically, a manned and mutilated man.
His mother was dashed to agony before the
birth of her babe and the bitter anguish Of th8
mother is seen in the countenance of the of
spring, slavery has twisted his limbs, shatter-
ed his feet, deformed his body and distorted
his features. He remains black but no Longer
comely, Sleeping on the dirt floor of slays
cabin in infancy, cold on one side and warm
on the other; forced circulation on one side
| and chilled and retarded circulation on tia
other, 1t has come to pass, that he has not
the vertical bearing Of a perfect man"
Mr. Douglass thinks that this lack of sym
| metry creates resistance to the progress
which cannot be over-cstmated, and tbst We
should not measure the negro from the heights
| that the white race has attained but from the
depths which he has come. Such men as
Burke, Grattan, Curran and O'Connell, he
saws, come Of comfortable antecedents and
sound parents, not from the oppressed and
| famished poor of the famine-stricken districts
of Ireland.
| MI. douglass Virtues lnaI nc HAS olten iear-
ed a wholesale massacre of the negro race, but
that these fears have decreased since the rs
gro has di sappeared from the arena of South:
ern politics.
The kernel of this article is contained iF
these words:
''My strongest conviction as to the future
of the negro is that he will not be expatrlated
or annihilated, nor will he remain forever {
separate and distinct race from the people
around him, but that he will be absorbed
assimilated and will appear finally, as het
PhenicIans now appear on the shores of tn
Shannon, in the features Of blended race"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
Risky, But She Got There.

John" she said to the young man
who had been counting her for five long
years John, sat for my photograph
to-day. suppose you want one?"
40, yes, indeed
BY the way, John, | had them taken
especially for some friends in California,
and they want my autograph on the
cards Now, John, / don't know
whether to sign my maiden name or
wait few months until after l am
married. l suppose you intend to get
married in few months don't you,
John?"
1t was a desperate move, but she won,
and in two months both will be made
one.-Philadeiphia Herald.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
An Anecdote Of Governor wasnDurn.

Eugene " Smalley, who has an illustrated
paper on the Flour mills Of Minneapolis"
In the May Century, says that the late ex-
Governor Washburn Of Wisconsin was identi-
fed probably more closely with the milling
interest In Minneapolis than any other one
man. OF him Mr.. Smalley tells the following
anecdote: The strength Of Governor WASH
burns character was strikingy shown, by
his behavior in the face of the terrible calami-
ty which destroyed his mill in 1873. One even
ing in May of that year, just after the day
force had left the big Washburn Mill and be-
fore the night force had all come, the -four
dust that filled she air and covered the walls,
floors, and machinery took fire and exploded
with a destructive force as tremendous as
dynamite. In an instant the towering struct-
ure Of solid stone was changed to heap OF
ruins. The fire was blown into four other mills,
uear by, and one after another blew upand
crumbled in a confused heap Of stones and
machinery. The explosions succeeded each 9TH
er at intervals as regular IL battery OF siege
guns had been fired in order. Eighteen men
were killed. Half the milling industry Of
Minneapolis was oblterated, and the whole
city was appalled, at the terrific effects OF
destroying agency the existence of which had
hardly been suspected. News Of the tragedy
came to Governor Washburn at his home in
Madison. He had an appointment for the
next morning with the Regents Of the Univer-
sity Of Wisconsin to determine upon site for
an astronomical observatory, the money for
building which he had presented to the inst-
tuition. The Regents met; supposihg that
the Governor had left for Minneapolis as soon
as the news Of the destruction Of his mills
reached him. To their surprise he walked in
the room promptly at nine o'clock, as calm
as though nothing had happened, and insisted
on despatching the business before the Board
instead Of talking about the disaster. Next
day he stood by the smoking ruins Of his
great mills. Friends gathered around to con-
dole with him on the destruction of million
of dollars worth of property. To them he
said, "The money loss is not to be consider
ed; / think only of the poor victims and their
families. The mills shall be rebuilt at once
And they were rebuilt as rapidly as the cou-
ragous and energetic old Governor could push
on their construction"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
FOOD FOR MAN.


The old saying that what is one mans
meat is another mans poison is realiz-
ed in the opposite tastes of people.
The Turks shudder at the thought of
eating oysters.
The Digger Indians OF the Pacific
slope reioiced in the great locustswarms
of 1875 as dispensation of the Great
Spirit, and laid in a store of dried To-
Gust powder sufficient to last them for
several years.
The French will eat frogs, snails and
the diseased livers of geese, but draw
the line at alligators.
auckland declares the taste of boa
constructor good, and much like veal
Quass, the fermented cabbage water
of the Russians is their popular tipple.
1t is described rs resembling mixture
of stale fish and soapsuds in taste, yet
next to beer, it has more votarics than
any other fermcntcd beverage. A tai
low candle washed down with quass
forms ameal that it would be hard to
be thankful for.
In Canton and other Chinese cities
rats are sold at the rate of 81 a dozen,
and the hind quarters of dogs are hung
up in the butchers shops alongside OF
mutton and lamb, but command high
err price. The edible birds nest of the
Chinese are worth twice their weight in
silver, the finest variety selling for as
much as $50 pound.
The negroes of the West Indies eat
baked snakes and palm worms fried in
their own fat, but they can not be in
duced TO eat stewed rabbits.
In Mexico parrots are eaten, but they
are rather tough.
The Guachos of the Badda Oriental
are in the habit of hunting skunks for
the sake of their flesh
The octopus, or devil-fsh, when boil
cd and then roasted, is eaten in Corsica
and esteemed n dcliCacy.
In the Pacific Islands and West Indies
lizards eggs are eaten with gusto. The
natives of the Antilles cat alligator
eggs, and the eggs of the turtle are
popular everywhere, though up to the
commencement of the last century tur-
tie was only eaten by the poor of ia
macia.
Ants are eaten by various nations.
In Brazil they are served with a resin
Gus sauce, and in Africa they are stew
ed with grease or butter. The
East Indians catch them in pits and
carefully wash them in handfuls like
raisinS. In Siam a curry of ants eggs
is Il costly luxury.
The Ccyloncsc eat the bees after rob-
bin@ them Of their honey.
Catcrpillars and spiders are daintes
to the African bushman.
After they have wound the silk from
the cocoon the Chinese eat the chrysa
lis of the silk worm.
Spiders roasted are a sort of desert
with the New Caledonians.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
"Mendacious DuplicHy.'

"This is my wife, Sergeant" said a
citizen, as he entered the Woodbridge
street station the other day with a wo-
man on his arm.
Sergeant Bendal, not having his bat
on, gave her the military salute, and
she slightly inclined her head in re.
Spouse.
Sergeant" continued the man, II
was arrested last night. The papers
say was in the company of fcmsle
on the street, and that we were both
drunk and quarreling. have told my
wife just how it was, but she won't be-
lieve me. now want you to tell her
the exact facts.
The husband drew down his right eye
to the official. The Sergeant coughed
and hitchcd about for moment, and
then said:
MADAM, it is terrible thing to sus-
Ecct your husband of mcndacious du-
plicity and contumacious deception"
II don't care if it is.'' she replied,
I'm bound to know just how this affair
occurred"
VERY well, madam. As the court
understood this case, your husband was
on his way.bome. He sees the patrol
wagon drive upto n saloon. He pro-
tests against the way the officers han
die prisoner, and is pulled in us an
obstructionits. He was tried ut the
same time as the man who quareled
with the woman. All the reporters
here that morning were drunk, and so
it comes about that the names were
mixed. Go home, madam, and be hap
py.'
Are You sure that was. the way?"
Dead SURG, madam. Further than
that, all the printers were on spree
that day, too, and can you wonder that
they get John Green mixed up with
John White?'
Now, does that satisfy you?' asked
| the husband.
Yes; but, Sergeant, what became
of the woman in the case?'
Taken home, madam-taken back
to the bosom OF her family by tender
official hands. She was somnambu-
list, you see, and had escaped from the
house in her sleep"
"Wcll, that comvinccs me, and I'll
kiss and make up she said rs she gave
her usband smack, "but if you only
told me that you and the Judge were
also drunk my mind would be entirely
easy. y Detroit Free Press.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

1t is said that the wine-cup has occaslonly
circulated among the legislators. and some
have even achieved celebrity by this convlvial
disposition. OF one who has since achieved
reputation as a lawyer the following story CHI
culated among his legislative friends. He
attended a ball one evening, and in fine course
Of the festivities he became somewhat to joy
Gus. Seeing this one ofhis friends approach,
ed him and advised him to seek his room and
bed. The young lawyer said nothing but
with great solemnity took a dollar bill from
his pocket and thrust it into the hand of his
friend.
"But don't want money" said the gentle
man, ~ merely suggested thatyou goto bed
"Take it, take it," was the reply in Tho
blandest of tones, 'I've charged 50 for O
good deal poorer advice than that.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
What. Indeed!

They were arguing about the useful
ness of using tobacco.
"What would you think" said the
minister impressively, "if you met an
angel coming down the street with a
cigar in his MOUTH"
What" reaorted the sinner, "would
you think if you saw one in plug hat
and pair of ear muffs coming up the
street," -LsopeH Citizen,
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
An Opprobious Epithet.

A State University student was pen
sively leaning against the court house,
when one of his schoolmates came up
and addressed him as Professor
20, please don't do that again." said
the first student imploringly.
"Why not?n inquired the other with
no small degree of surprise.
why people will think / don't know
anything. "-Teras !sytiags. gE
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
For a Fact.

al tell We the West don't fool with
folks observed frontiersman,
boastingly. 1--WE seed men killed ont
thar fur takin' pound O. BUTLER
meat"
That's nothing" dryly remarked i
bystander; II have seen men killed in
the East for taking even less than that. v
What mought it a-bin, Mister Cute,
if you'll excuse my mper'tnenco fun
askin'?' continued Buckskin, sneering-
ly. m
"Half an ounce of laudanum. ~ It'd
Bits. .....
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
Women and Poor Health.

Multitudes Of women lose health and life
every year in one of two ways; by busying
themselves in a warm kitchen until weary, and
then throwing themselves on a bed or sofa
without a fire; or by removing the outer
clothing, or perhaps changing the dress for
one thinner as soon as coming from shopping.
The rule should be to go to warm room and
keep on all the clothing for five or ten min
utes, until the forehead is perfectly dry. In
all weather If you have to walk and ride upon
any OCCASION 1t is better to do the riding first.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

Words are weak to express the wonderf
curative properties of that prince among mod
ern medicines, Mshler's Herb Bitters. NJ. A.
Fairer, Supt. of the Lancaster, Pa, County
Hospital, abandoned the attempt to express
his delight and admiration for the medicine.
He had long suffered from dyspepsia, diseases
of the kidneys and neuralgia, and used hun
dreds Of so called remedies without good re-
suits At last he tried Mishler's Bitters, and
In short time he was perfectly cured.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

Three members of my family, says Mr.
James A. Sample, Cash Room, office OF the
Treasurer, U. S., who were suffering from az,
granating coughs, have been much benefited
BY taking Red Star Cough Cure. None Of the
III effects so noticeable in other cough RENE
dies have followed the use Of this.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

The Oldest merchant vessel aloat is said to
be the bark True Love, which was built in
Philadelphia in 1854, and is, therefore, IL
years old. She is still in active service, and is
owned by j. S. Ward of London.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
TIE BuREAu OF VITAL STATISTICS make

The BUREAU OF VITAL STATISTICS makes
no return of the mortality caused by oyef.
druggipg the sick. Hundreds of patients aFs
killed In this way, ninety per cent OF whom
might have been saved by the use Of that sim
pie vegetable antidote, DR.. WALKERS CAH'
FoRNIA VINEGAR BITTERs, rapid in its action,
and without alcohol.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

There are nineteen metals more valuable
than gold, but no remedy which will compare
with Bigelow's Positive Cure for coughs and
colds. A prompt and pleasant cure for all
throat and lung troubles. so cents and 81.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

suffering from functional arrangements or any
of the painful disorders or weaknesses Incl
dent to their sex. Dr. Pierce's treatise, Illus
trated with wood-cuts and colored plates Q6C
pages) suggests sure means of complete self
cure. Address Worlds Dispensary Medical
Association Buffalo, N, Y
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

It is a pleasure and satisfaction to many to
learn that Aliens Lung Balsam, that standard
family medicine for coughs, Group, and all
lung diseases, can now be procured at 25c., SOC.
and 81. 90 a bottle at any drug store.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

We have sold Athlophoros for some TINA,
and always keep 1t In stock 1t has proved
very successful for rheumatism and neuralgia,
as our many sales testify j. H. BseAsf u
Co, Monticello, Iowa Large sales ara the
ienrsst tasts Of the success.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

Judge no one by his relations, whatever
criticisms you may pass upon his companions.
Relations, like features, are thrust upon us;
companions, like clothes, are more or less our
own selection.-Kate Field.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

Thirteen million sheep are said to have died
in New South Wales within the last three
years from the want of water
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

VIM Black, Abingdon, Iowa, was cured Of
cancer of the eye by DIR. Jones' Red Clover
Tonic, which cures all blood disorders and dis
eases Of the stomach, liver and kidneys. The
best tonic and appetizer known. 80 cents.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

Canvasback ducks have been hard to secure
on Chesapeake bay this winter, owing to the
legal prohibition against bic, long guns, aud
have been steady at "a pair n market
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

Poetry is published in the NeillsviHe OWLS
Times at the low rate Of twenty cents line,
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13
Some Good Advice.

In every land and cline, the merits Of St.
Jacobs Oil as the only conqueror Of pain, are
being Acknowledged by the press and people.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1886-05-13

For Cuts, Calls, Old Sores, Scratch
es, Thrush, ETC., use Stewards Heal
ing Powder, Is and so cents q box.