davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
OLD BACHELORS vs.. OLD
MAIDS.

Old bachelors is different from wot
old maids is. An old maid is always
trln' to get over bein' an old maid,
but an old bachelor don't worry him.
self, cause he knows he kin let up
on bein' an old bachelor any time he
wants to; but when an old maid gets
in the habit of bein' an old maid she
most always finds it hard work to
break off. An old bachelor has
heap more fun than married man
does anyhow, cause i1e kin do just
as he darn pleases and that's fun
enough for anybody. Pa ses a mar
ried man is a good deal like sewing
machine-'cause he is generally run
by woman. I guess that's pretty
much so; but an old bachelor isn't
run by anybody; he's just as free
and contented .as a pollywog in a
mud puddle, or he would be If the
old maids and widders and such like
would only let him alone; but they
won't; jest as soon as an old bache-
lor comes any where in sight they
take after him like our old dog takes
after cat, and once in while they
ketch him, but not often.
| never knowed of but one old
bachelor wot the wimmen was too
many for, and there was some excuse
for him, cause the woman wot sur
rounded him was a widder. Pa sez
a man can make out to hold the fort
agin an old maid, but when it comes
to a widder a feller might as we'll
surrender first as last, cause he cam t
help himself, any more than woman
kin help talkin' about her neighbors.
-PecE's Sam.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
"HOW TO GET THERE

Rev. John Macnab preached at a
communion season on "Heaven." 1t
was long sermon, but the people
thought it as beautiful as series of
dissolving views. 1t had, however,
one defect-the length of the de-
scriptive part left no time for the
"applIcatIon."
Old George Brown met the preach
er at friends house, and astonish-
ed him by the resume he gave of the
sermon. ''It was really grand SER
mon as far as it went," he said, after
he had finished his report. 81 never
enjoyed description of heaven bet
ter. Ye told us a thing aboot heav-
en- except hoo to get there; and
Master Macnab, you'll excuse me,
my young friend for sayin' that that
shouldna hae been left out, for yell
admit yerseP if that's awantin, a $
awantin'. Yell mind the kings sons
feast? The servants didna only tell
that a'thlng was ready, but they COM
PEELED them to come in"
The young preacher was too INTEL
ligent not to see the aptness of the
criticism, and when George had re
tired, he said to bis friend: ssI've
been criticised by learned professors
and doctors of divinity, by fellow
students and relatives, but that good
old man has given me more insight
into what preaching should be than
all the others put together. l hope
as long as ! live l shall never again
when delivering Gods message to my
fellow-men, forget to tell them 'how
10 get there
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27

Forced politeness-Bowing to circum-
stances.
Fish is good brain food, but it does
seem pity in some cases, to waste so
much fish.
Kate Field asks How many women
marry good MANI" One at time, Kate,
except in Utah.
The difference between a porous plaster
and a lottery ticket is that the plaster
draws something.
A correspondent wishes to know what
is the most stable kind of property? We
should say horses.
If a man borrows money he does not
care to have it talked about. He wants
to be quietly let alone.
Education is something like love. Most
men think they have got it till they come
to be about 40 years old.
An advertiser wants "a strong boy for
bottling." 1t occurs to US that it would
be easier to bottle a weak boy.
clock should please both capital and
labor. 1t works twenty-fonr hours a day
and goes on strike every hour.
There's one good thing about Liberty :;
she's one of the few females in this coun
try who won't want a new dress every
two weeks.
The appearance of 'sOuida" as an oppo-
nent of woman suffrage lends new force
to the late Mr.. Weller's advice to 'sbe-
ware of the "Ouidas.'
''Pa, do pro and con mean opposite
things?" eyes, my son." .Is that the
reason why they speak of progress and
'congress"" ''N n-yes, my son.
"What would be good name for So
ciety Of old maids?" asked Scroggs. 81
don't know. What would?" asked Stag
gers. 81 think Lone Association would
do"
"Patrick, you told me you needed the
alcohol to clean the mirrors with, and
here find you drinking.it." ''Faix, mum,
it's drinkin' it and brathing on the glass
| oi'm doin'."
Grocer-''Eggs are forty cents dozen
and are rising" PROFESSIONALISM very
| glad to hear it," Grocer-"Glad to hear
it? Why?" Professor-'I am going to
| lecture this winter"
| Father-Have you named your dog yet,
Johnnie? Son-Yeth, thir; I'm going to
name him after you. Father-That's not
very supplementary, my son. Son-It's
all right; he won't know enough to care
| "Papa is SO kind" said Miss Bina
board; che took us all to Europe last
summer, and as for shopping expenses he
gives me blanc mango at all the stores,
and never grumbles at the bills. Dear
papa"
II see Italy is trying to borrow $500
600 lires,'' observed Ebenezer Jones
"That's good many" replied Zebedet
Smith, ''but if the application had beer
made before election, this country coul(
have furnished a good proportion o
them"
A witness was under examination on
day in the case of an unpaid account
when the Judge put the question to him
"What is your occupation?' The witness
did not seem to understand the meanin,
of the word Occupation" and answered
with: "Eh?" The Judge then said, "wha
do you do for living?" 'sOh, my wife
dressinaker," replied the witness.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27

The tongue has its uses and its
abuses, and one of the latter is in
complaining about things that are
done and gone past remedy. 1t is a
waste of time and nerve, and dis
turber of the peace of so much of
the ocean of life as lies within its
radius. If bad job can be bettered.
or if a good plain talk about the evils
of it can bring about an improve
ment, or even impress upon Others
needed lesson which will be needed,
why, then attack it with the tongue.
But even then do not put venom into
it, or complaint. Talk it over calmly,
kindly and gently. Much of the
fretfulness IN which the tongue is
employed has, however, to do with
mistakes and faults that cannot be
helped. Over these keep the mouth
shut, or use the tongue in singing
songs of hope and joy, or put on the
hat and call on some weary, tronbled
soul, and pour into the listening ear
words of love and consolation, tell to
some unsaved soul the story of sal
walton, use this ready member to
make the world better and happier,
rather than employ it in worse than
useless business of fretting over
things that are past help.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
"Sally," said good old grand

"Sally," said a good old grand
mother to young girl who was busily
engaged in whitening her complexion
and arranging her hair.
"What is it, grandma!"
"You girls think of nothing else
but trying to improve on nature.
"We are obliged to do that, grand
ma. We are compelled to do great
deal of decorating nowadays, in or
der to present handsomer appear
ance.''
eyes, my child, but when | was
young lady, us girls used to decorate
our hearts as we'll, and there wasn't
an old maid in our county. but now
the woods are full of them"
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
AN END TO BONE sCRAptNc.

Edward Shepherd, of Harrisburg, ILL.,, saws:
"Having received much benefit from Electric
Bitters, teel it my duty let suffering humanity
know it. Have had running sore ON nv leg for
eight years. my doctors told me l would have to
have the bone scraped or leg amputated. l used
instead, three bottles of Electric Biters and seven
boxes of Bucklen's Arnica salve, and my leg is
now sound and we'll"
Electric Bitters sold at ft, cents "a bottle, and
BucAl.n's Anica salye at 25c. per box by IL. C
Perev.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
Day by Day.

little older every day,
A little nearer to the close;
Nearer the ending of the fray,
Nearer the long repose.
Nearer the time whom Ger our head
Shall spring tho blossom and the grass,
And friends will murmur "He is Dead"
As by our tomb they pass.
Nearer the time when we shall cast
An anchor by the mystic shore;
And sec and feel and know, at last,
What we could not before.
All how the years go rolling oni
How short the step to manhood's prime,
How soon the gold of life is gone
Into the vaults of time!
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27

Keep up your spirits by cherishing
good thoughts; enjoy the pleasant
company of your best friends; but
In all enjoyment be temperate. Learn
the art, to be preferred above all 9TH
ers, of being happy when alone
which consists in the encouragement
of good hopes and rational pursuits
in leading an Industrious life. and in
having constantly before you some
object of attainment. In your con-
verse with the world be ever careful
for the sake of peace, to speak ill of
no one, to treat your known enemy
with civility, and to shut your ears
against evil reports of all kinds.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
The Sweet Old Story.

Tell me about the Master!
am weary and worn tonight,
The day lies behind me in shadow,
And only the evening is light
Light with radiant glory
That fingers about the west.
My poor heart is aweary, aweary,
And longs, like child, for rest.
Tell me about the Master!
Of the hills He in loneliness trod,
When the tears and blood of his anguish
Dropped down on Judea's sod.
For to me life's seventy mile-stones
But sorrowful journey mark;
Rough lies the hill country before me,
The mountains behind me are dark.
Tell me about the Master!
Ofthe wrongs He freely forgave;
OF his love and tender compassion,
Of his love that was mighty to save;
For my heart is aweary, aweary,
Of the woes and temptation of life,
Of the error that stalks in the MONDAY,
Of falsehood and malice and strife.
Yet know that whatever of sorrow
Or pain or temptation befall,
The infinite Master had suffered,
And knoweth and pitieth all.
So tell me the sweet old story,
That falls on each wound like balm,
And my heart that was bruised and broken
Shall grow patient and strong and calm.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27

SUPREME HoURs.-They come to
Us all at some time, hours in which
we stand so utterly alone, as we
drink life's gall.
Hours when He seems so far away,
when his sunlight seems SO dim, as
we grope so blindly in this, our more
than midnight darkness of despair,
shut out, as it were, from hope or
happiness, and hedged in by great
blank walls Of misery.
Hours when prayer seems mock
ry; when the trill of bird or the
laugh of child is as dagger thrust
through the heart; when kind words
are meaningless; when even thought
is agony.
Oh, the pitiful wandering of the
misery of it all, as with clenched
hands and bowed head, eyes heavy
and hot with tears that will not fall,
silent cry goes forth, '.How long,
oh Lord. how long? and is it worth
the while?''
Knocking, knocking, with never
an answer the 'hope deferred which
maketh the heart so sick"
A hot headed patient makes the
physician harsh.
We deprecate new faults while we
bear with the old.
1t Is a good thing to learn caution
by the misfortune of others.
Good thoughts are no better than
good dreams unless they are execut-
ed.
We must be as courteous to a man
as to picture, which we are willing
to give the advantage of a good light.
Set your aim to those who are most
inclined to misjudge you or dislike
you. 1t is great triumph to con-
quer such by kindness.
Never be grandiloquent when you
want to drive home truth. Don't
whip with switch that has the leaves
on if you want to tingle.
Hope nothing from luck, and the
probability is that you will be so pre-
pared, forewarned and forearmed,
that all shallow observers will call
you lucky.
Aim high. You may touch the
mark, but by high aim you will
come nearer to it than by not trying
it at all. Then by making the effort
many persons have come nearer to it
than at first anticipated.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
STATE OF VERMONT,

In Probate Court, held at Barton Landing in
said Ditrict, on the 9th day of Dee, A. d, 1886.
n. NJ. and W. f. Scott, Executors of the will OF
N. w. Scott, late of Glover, in said dis
trct deceased present their administration account
for examination and allowance, and make appli-
cation for decree of distribution and partition of
the estate of said deceased
Whereupon it is ordered by said Court, that said
account and said application be referred to sess-
ion thereof to be held the Probate Office in said
Barton Landing, on the 3Oth day of December,
A. d. 1886, for hearing and decision thereon: And
it is further ordered that notice hereof be given to
all persons interested by publication of the same
paper published at Barton, previous to said time
appointed for hearing that they may appear at said
time and place, and show cause, if any they may
have, why said account should not be allowed, and
such decree made.
By the Court-Attest
5O-52 JONES Register.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
A Sluggish Liver

Causes the Stomach and Bowels to be-
come disordered, and the whole system
to suffer from debility. In all such
cases Ayers Pills give prompt relief.
After much suffering from Liver and
Stomach troubles, have finally been
cured by taking Ayers Cathartic Pills.
I always find them prompt and thorough
in their action, and their occasional use
keeps me in a perfectly healthy condi-
ton. Ralph Weeman, Annapolis, Md.
Twenty-Five years ago suffered from
a torpid liver, which was restored to
healthy action by taking Ayers Pills.
Since that time I have never been with
out them. They regulate the bowels,
assist digestion, and increase the appe-
tite, more surely than any other medi-
cine. Paul Churchill, Haverhill, Mass.
iNVIGORATED.
know of no remedy equal to Ayers
Pills for Stomach and Liver disorders.
suffered from Torpid Liver, and Dys-
pepsia, for eighteen months. My skin
was yellow, and my tongue coated. /
had no appetite, suffered from Head
ache, was pale and emaciated. A few
boxes of Ayers Pills, taken in moderate
doses, restored me to perfect health.
Waldo Miles, Oberlin, Ohio.
Ayers Pills are superior family
medicine. They strengthen and invig-
crate the digestive organs, create an ap-
petite, and removesthe horrible depres-
sion and dependency resulting from
Liver Complaint. / have used these
Pills in my family, for years, and they
never fail to give entire satisfaction. -
Otto Montgomery, Oshkosh, Wis. tt
Ayers Pills,
Prepared by r.J. G. Aver & Co., Lowell, Mass.
Sold by all Druggists and Dealers in Medicine.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
The Welcome Guest.

Last night little stranger came,
A happy mother first to greet,
Her care and tender love to claim,
In guise so winsome, pure, and sweet,
One could not say to her, "depart,''
And so took her TO my heart.
Two pretty eyes appealingly
With eloquence to tongue unknown,
Blinked up at mine-they ravished me.
Such future promise in them shone.
Did ever guest more sweet and dear,
Come down to bless mother here?
Two little hands for me to lead,
Like tinted sea shells sweetly curled;
Two rosy feet that mutely plead
My guidance through the may world.
Two tiny ears with instincts fine,
To catch and treasure word of mine.
One little heart whose tendrils twine,
Already close about mine own;
One precious soul in heaven to shine,
If love can save the cherished one;
One dainty little form to rest,
Upon mothers tender breast
Her name is innocence. Oh! may
1t be my care to keep it so;
Thus shall I ever bless the day
That did on me this gift bestow.
Kind Father, since Thou givest me love,
Give equal wisdom from above.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
HE GUESSED AT 1T.

Superintendent Judson of the Chica-
90 and Iowa road, tells of section
boss who several years ago sent in a
report which made by word for the
boys about the general office that is
in use to-day. Section bosses are
provided with blanks, on which they
are required to report all cases of an
imals killed by trains. The blanks
have spaces for telling where, when
and how the animal was killed, and
what disposition is made of the car
cass, whether it is buried or sold.
One day cow was killed out on
the Rochelle section, and a section
boss who had been recently promoted,
went to make out the report. He told
in the proper spaces what train killed
the animal and under what conditions
it was done. Then he came to the
line:
''Disposition :. !. g"
Well, said he scratching his head,
Pll be DANCED if I'm sure about that,
but being she was cow | think l can
guess at it. So he filled out the line
which, when it reached the general
office read.
Disposition-kind and gentle.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
ESTATE OF DANIEL o. BROWN.
VERMONT,

Tz-Frob0te Court held at Barton Landing. within
ami for said District, on the I'd day of December,
A. d. 1886.
II. F. Black, Executor of the will of Daniel Q.
Brown, late of in said District deceased
makes application for license to sell the real estate
of said deceased, described follows, wit About
100 acres of Lot No. S5 and acres of Lot No. Sc,
in Brownngton, in said District, representing that
a sale thereof is necessary to pay the debts due
from said estate, and the charges of administration
Whereupon it is ordered by said Court that
said application be referred to session
thereof to be held at the Probate Office in Barton
Landing, 23d day of Dec, A D. 1886, for hearing
and decision thereon And it is further ordered that
publication of the same three weeks successfully in
the Orleans County Monitor, newspaper published
at Barton previous to said time appointed for hear
ing that they may appear at said time and place
and show cause, if any they may have, why said
said license should not be granted.
Byt Court-Attest
9-1 C.H. JONES Register.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
Orleans County @unitnr,
PUBLISHED wKEKLYBY
GEO. HI. BLAKE,
BARTON, VT.

TERMS.-TWO DOLLARS PER YEAR
Strictly in advance $1.5O. Subscribers living out
side of Orleans County must remit 10 cents extra for
postage. For convenience in remitting, we viii
give credit for year and four months for $2O
subscribers in the county, and one year and three
or $500 to subscribers without the county, when
sent strictly in advance.
Rates of Advert sing made known on apphca-
ton. Ali cuts must have metal body.
Remitby p. o. Money Order, Registered Letter, or
Draft. Watch the label on your paper and notice
your subscription expires and see that your pay
ments kept in adUdnce. When money is sent US
zoe shall giue the credit the label at if til
label is not advanced within to soeeks, notify us by
postal card.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
against evil

100 Doses One Dollar is inseparably connected
with Hoods Sarsaparilla, and is true of no other
medicine. A bottle of Hoods Sarsaparilla contains
100 doses and will last month, while others will
average to last not over week. Use only Hoods
Sarsaparla.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
RUFUS BROWN ESTATE.
STATE OF VERMONT Orleans District. $,

~
In Probate Court, held at Barton Landing, in said
District, on the 10th day of December, A. D. 1886.
H. o. Hines, Administrator of the estate of Rufus
Brown, late of Lowell, in said District deceased
makes application for license deed the real estate
of said deceased, described follows, to wit: A
sentng that said deceased in his lifetime under
contrrct, in equity, to convey said real estate to
Samuel Stone.
Whereupon it is ordered by said Court that said
application be referred a session thereof, to be
held at the Probate Office in Barton Landing, on
the 30th day of December, A. d. 1886, for hearing
and decision thereon And it is further ordered that
notice hereof be given to all persons interested by
publication of the same three weeks successively in
the Monitor, newspaper published at Barton, pre-
vious to said time appointed for hearing that they
may appear at said time and place and show cause,
it any they may have, why said license should not
be granted.
By the Court-Attest
500 &. H. JONES, Register.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27

There is no wealth but life. Life
including all its powers of love, of
Joy and of admiration. That coun-
try is the richest which nourishes the
greatest number of noble and happy
human beings; and that man is rich
est who, having perfected the func-
tions of his own life to the utmost,
has also the widest helpful influence,
both personal and by means of his
possessions, over the lives of others.
As horse and cattle lotion Salvation Oil has
proven itself an nfsllible remedy. 1t has received
the hearty endorsements of many old and we'll
known horsemen Price % cents a bottle.
Mothers, do not let your darlings suffer with the
whooping cough while ,oE have remedy SO near
at hand. Use DIR. Bulls Cough Syrup, and the lit.
tie snierer win soon find relief, Price rs cents.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
coon RESULTS IN EVERY CASE.

d. A. Bradford, wholesale paper dealer of Chat
tanooga, Tenn, writes, that was seriously aict
ed with cold that settled ON his lungs had
tried many remedies without benefit. Being induc
ed to try Dr. Kings New Discovery for Consump-
ton, did so and was entirely cured by of few
bottles. Since which time he has used it in his
family for all coughs and olds with best results.
This is the experience OF thousands whose lives
have been saved by this We nderful Discovery.
Trial Bottles free at II. c Piere,'s Drug Store.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
Disposition-kind and gentle.

A practical result of the French in
vasion of Anam has just come to
hand in the shape of mass of gold
and silver treasure captured at Hue.
The whole amount is contained in 1872
boxes of silver and IA of gold. This
rich cargo, which altogether weighs
over 10000 pounds, has come
over to France by steamer. 1t was
stored in the bottom of the hold and
covered over with 500 tons of mer-
chandise. This was only a trifing
part of the precautions which had to
be taken. Every opening that could
communicate with the hold was closed
and sealed. The cargo was unloaded
with the greatest care, and men with
swords and revolvers stood by till the
last box was removed. The treasure
was then put into a train and dis
patched to the minister of Finance at
Paris. The treasure amounts TO
1000, 900, and will be applied to al
leviating the deficit in the budget.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
Absolutely Pure.

Thispowdernever varies. A marvel OF purity |,
STRENGTH and wholesomeness. More economical
than the ordinary kinds, and cannot be sold in
competition with the multitude of low test, short
weight, alum phosphate powders. Sold Only in
Cans. ROYAL Baking Powde rCo, II 90 WallSt. NY.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27

DARTON NATIONAL BANK. BUSINESS
DHours from 9, a. M, to IL, m. From to 4, p.
m. AMoRY DAWSON, Pres't, II. X. DEWEY,
Cashier.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27
j. N. WEBSTER.

j. A. PEARSON.
DENTIST, BARTON, VT. OFFICE IN
IIOwen's Block.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27

CHARLES GRAVES, Special Agent foriCon
AInecticut General Life Insurance Co., Barton, VT
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-12-27

"HACkMETACK," alasting and fragrant per-
fumc. Price rs and so cents. II. c. Pierce Druggist