The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1886-03-19
3lisccllancous.
As TRUE An TOED.


burglars CFlcu MT. Jones. 'BuTSlafS
screamed Mrs Jones. Burglars !" screamed
the Misses Jones. "Burglars!' screamed Mas
ter Jones, as one after the other lights flash
ed in the upper rooms, and hastily draped
forms appeared at the bedroom doors like the
signal figures of Il barometer.
Jones and son followed each other down
stairs, one with apoker and the other with
crOqurt malle,, and the street door was
found open, and silk umbrella and two hats
had vanished from the rack. Jones, senior,
believed that he saw two heels vanishing
around the corner, and yelled police but
only the echoes answered him; and after Il
careful search of the house and lamentations
over the lat and umbrella, The Jones family
returned to their pillows, though each one
declared the next morning that lie or she had
not closed an eye.
And the worst of it is, said Mis- jones,
"they will he here again When burglars de.
tcrmine to enter a house, they always do it,"
Il know fellow, who has a splendid dog
that he'll sell" said Master Jones. "The
ficrcost fellow; bite piece out of YOU
as soon as look at you. I'll get him if YOU
like, and we can turn him into the hall at
nights"
THANK you," said Mrs Jones. "Pd as
soon have my throat cut by burglars as to be
torn to pieces by a savage dog"
But he'd know us in few days." said
young Jones. PA don't you think it is the
best plan?-the biggest fellow you ought to
hear him howl"
"A dog is impossible in city house with
four feet of garden ground" said Mr.. Jones,
but III buy an alarm and pistol and keep
it loaded under my pillow"
Then | shall sleep elsewhere" said Mrs
Jones mo, I'll sit up ali night, every night
III I,,TN tl,nta l,,n In
"All women are idiots" said Mr. Jones.
"All men are crazy" said Mrs. Jones.
But you shall have your way and shoot
J our family you like. That always comes
ofhaving firearms about
"Let them come in and murder us, them"
said Mr.. Jones. II suppose you object to the
ALARM too"
But finally the alarm was decided upon,
and purchased and attached to all the doors
and windows in the house aud two days
after this was done Mr.. Jones, being obliged
to leave home on business congratulated
himself upon promptitude of action.
with this alarm you are quite safe, my
dear" he said as he took his departure THE
minute you hear 1t open the window and
scream for the police"
Mr. Jones then stepped into the carriage,
which whrled him to the train that conveyed
very much occupied with certain important
affairs, aud when he had been absent a month
forgot all about the burglars as well MS all
about the alarm.
The letters from home did not mention it, so
il passed entirely from his memory and as
at last he found himself on his homeward
way upon night train which he had taken
uneXpectedly-fo he had written the day
before that he should not be back for Il week
it occurred to him that his arrival would be
delightful surprise to tie family. He had
his latch key with him, and he quite chuckled
over the thought of letting himself in and
being found snug in bed next morning.
won't there be time" he said to himself
Mall scream. The girls-I can hear 'em
laugh. And Sam will pretend not to be as
tonished-ha! ha ia !"
So, with his portmanteau in his hand he
assembled the steps of his domicic and delib-
erately but softly proceeded to open the front
door
AS he did so the alarm was struck, a racket
and Jingle filled the house, and simultaneous.
ly Mrs Jones, the Misses Jones, Master Jones,
the cook, the chambcrmaid, and the waiter
thrust their heads out of the window and
screamed "Poicer'
Almost as they did so two clubs struck the
pavement and two giants in uniform seized
Mr.. Jones by the arms.
"Ah, got you this time" cried one of them
"Wevc been looking for you for some
time"
Let me 60" said Mr.. Jones. 81 live here,
It's Il mistake"
"Yes, no doubt lisa mistake" said the
policeman.
"But tell them-tell them; let me offer
proof" pleaded Mr.. Jones.
oil knnr toll ~
Jones"
HE says it's Mr. Jones'" cried the police
man to nigh,cap and shawl in the window.
My husband is in Chicago" said Mrs.
Jones.
But she peeped out nervously However,
she did not recognize her husband. Mr. Jones
had left home in tall hat and an overcoat {;
but during his absence he had unfortunately
purchased travelling ulster that touched his
heels, and a cap. He wore both, as was
natural upon midnight journey
mo, never saw the object before" said
Mrs. Jones. do take him away"
you'll appear Tomorrow" said the police
man. you'll appear against him, ma'am ?"
Decidedly. shall consider it my duty"
said the lady and shut the window.
Then Jones demonstrated with the police
man, and begged to have Mr. Smith next
door called, and was told TO hold his tongue
Jones was not mild man. In a few min
utes his wrath boiled over he attacked the
policeman with his umbrella and was totally
defeated. He arrived at the station house
with a black eyeand Il bruise on the forehead,
and frolhing at The mouth with rage and
was locked up after having been recognized
by several experts MS Tommy the Tappcr,"
II noted burglar for whose arrest large re
ward was offered.
His valise was taken from him, also his
watch and pocket.book He was shut I'D in
a cell with an intoxicated tramp who had ar