Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-07-28
PITH AND POINT.

THE auctioneer's outlook is forbid
| ding.
A COUNTER march--a shop-walker's
beat.
The most difficult lock to pick-wed-
lock.
WHY is a dense smoke like my ma
ternal parents weddihg-ring? Because
it 'smother's.
A CHINAMAN and Indian are as differ
emit as a trotting match and running
match-they are the same race.
A PHYsIoLoGIsT has written a three
column article on when to Eat" Eat
when you are hungry, we should think,
is the best time. .4rkdnsaw Trareter.
A POET opens a lyric with the line
"The clock is stopped; that's ALL" Per-
haps this is only a poetical way of an
nouncing that there is no more tick for
the rhymester--Bosion Courier.
A ECENT scientist declares that
bread with yeast in it is a much better
brain food than u~nleavened bread.
This proves beyond all question the
Wise Men came from the Yeast.-Lynn
Union.
RIGHT TO THE POINT.
Cool brain. Feelings kind,
Warm feet, Nerves controlled,
Food plain, Happy mind,
Temper sweet, True souled:
Body clean. Blessed booni
sunny room, Peace of Heaven,
Sleep serene, Unto whom
Cheeks in bloom, Such is given.
-Nt,c York Mail and Express.
II DON'T want any castor OIL" said a
sick little Boston boy, p~etulantly.
"Whv, Horace" exclaimed his mother,
don't you know that castor oil is made
from beans?" And the little boy,
whose faith in his mother is perfect,
took the dose, and feebly asked for
more.
A MEMBER, in a silver speech, slapped
at the national banks, and in a loud
voice exclaimed: What is the differ
enc between my note and a national
bank note?" "You can buy something
with the bank note" Clipped in an OPP
ponent before the Texan could answer
his W question.
Book AGENTS the boss of the
house in? Husband fwho has responded
to the ring of the door-belD-I guess
so, l heard my wife say that she was in.
b. A.-Oh the boss of the house is q
lady. H.-Yes, our servant girl. I
guess you will find her III the basement
kitchen. Go down the flight of stairs
to the left. Good morning.-Boston
Courier.
WE ALL LOOK IN THE MIRROR o HIM.
A popular man must be easy and afable, and
navar IN pnvt1in0 1ppti y, or In, a ulle
must live without friction, be rlaiE in
his diction, and, like u good fellow, pay
up his subscription.
He must keep n glad mien between gayness
and gravity, and keep well concealed
al his native depravity; spani cash
rich and regal, do nothing Legal, and
keep his eye peeled like a bald-hoaded
eagle.
In drawirgro-m circles he must behavo
proper. and not blunder round like q
lumb'ring clod-hoprer, be polite to the
iadies-sweet Susaas and SaGies-ana
never raise Cain, nor confusion, nor
Hides.
Lynn Union.
A III railroad was recently com
pleted through a Dakota town. The
first train that ran over it carried an
excursion that included the editor of
the local paper. The track was very
rough and he jolted around, lost his
hat out of the window, had the stove
fall upon him and was bitten by one of
the directors dogs. A tramp who was
stealing a ride picked his pocket OF his
pass, and q drunken conductor kicked
him off the train just before he got
back because he couldn't show it,. He
walked four miles across the country to
get home, and the next week said in
his paper: "We cannot too warmly con-
graduate u many readers wei our
good fortune in the J. Y. & p. ID. Q.
Railroad going through this place.
Equipped with elegant coaches and a
well-ballasted road-bed, it makes travel
ing YER it a real pleasure. Another
feature is the ~gentlemanly attendants,
and also the courteous treatment in
yariably accorded to passengers. La
dies travelling alone over this road and
receiving the same kind attention that
we did on the recent excursion will not
miss any home comforts.-Estelline
Bell