The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1886-10-06
BILL NYE ON EXPLORERS
THE HUMoRIsT TACKLES THE SUB
JECT OF ARCTIC DISCOVERIES.

the bleak waste of years and see what
wonderful progress has been made in the
discovery of the pole. We may then
ask ourselves who will be first to tack
his location notice on the gnawed and
season cracked surface of the pole itself,
and what will he do with it after he has
so filed upon it.
Iceland, / presume, was discovered
about $50 A. D., or 1,026 years ago, but
the stampede to Iceland has always been
under control, and you can get corner
lots in the most desirable cities of Ice
land and wear a long, ricketty name with
links in it like rosewood sausage, to-
day, at q low price. Naddodr, a Nor
wegian viking, discovered Iceland A. ID.
$50, but he did not live to meet Iieuten-
ant Greedy, or any of our most celebrated
northern tourists. Why Naddodr yearned
to go north and discover a colder country
than his own, why he should seek to
wet his feet and get icicles down his
back in order to bring to light more snow
banks and chilblains, l cannot at this
time understand. Why should a robust
viking roam around in the cold trying to
nose out more frost bitten EsquimauX,
when he could remain at home and vikei
But 1 leave this to the thinking mind.
Let the thinking mind grapple with it,
1t has no charms for me. Moreover, 1
haven't that kind of mind.
Octher, another Norwegian gentle
man, sailed around North Cape and
crossed the Arctic circle in $50 A. d.,
but be crossed it in the night, and didn't
notice it at the time.
Two or three years after, Erik the Red
l..
tho east coast of Greenland. Erik the
Red was Northman, and he flourished
along about the ninth century and be-
fore the war; He sailed around in that
country for several years, drinking bay
rum and BEARS oil and having good
time. He wore fur underclcthes all the
time, winter and summer, and evaded
the poll tax for long time. Erik also
established settlement on the south
east coast of Greenland in about latitude
sixty degrees north. These people re-
manned here for some time, subsisting
on shrimp salad, sea-moss farina, and
neat's-foot oil. But finally they became
so bored with the quiet country life and
the backward springs that they removed
from there to land that is fairer than
day, to use the words of another. They
removed during the holidays, leaving
the axle grease and all they held dear,
including their remains
From that on down to 1880 we hear or
read varying and disconnected accounts
of people who have been up that way,
acquired large red chilblain, made an
observation, and died. Representatives
from almost every quarter of the globe
have been to the far North, eaten their
little hunch of jerked polar bear, and
then the polar bear has eaten his little
hunch of jerked explorer, and so the
good work went on. The polar bear,
with his wonderful retentive faculties,
has succeeded in retaining his great Sc
cret regarding the pole, together with
the man who came out there to find out
about it, So up to 1880 large number
of nameless explorers went to this cele-
brated watering place, shot few penn
mican, ate a jerked whale, shuddered a
couple of times, and died. 1t has been
the history of Arctic exploration from
the earliest ages Men have taken their
lives and few doughnuts in their hands,
wandered away into the uncertain light
of the frozen North, made few observa-
tions-to each other regarding the back
ward spring and then cached theil
skeletons forever
In 1880 two Italians named Lem took
q load of sun-klssed bananas and made
a voyage to the extreme North, but the
historian says that the accounts are sc
confcting, and as the stories told by the
two brothers did not agree and neither
ever told it the same on two separate oc
casions, the history of their voyage is not
usdd very much.
Years rolled on. BOYS continued tc
go to school and see in their geographic:
enticing pictures of men in expensive ful
clothing running sharp iron spears anC
long, dangerous stab-knives into fero.
cious white bears, andsnorting around on
large cakes of cold ice and having a good
time. These inspired the growing youth tC
rise up and do likewise. So every nation
meath the sun has contributed its assort-
ments of choice, white skeletons and
secondhand clothes to the remorseless
NAV of the hungry and ravenous North
And still the great pole continued t.
squeak on through days that were sil
months long and nights that made break
fast seem almost useless.
In 1477 Columbus went up that way
but did not aucceed in starving to death
1S SOb biIu b-C)c view Vi "a IhISe u6
post of dark-bue ice, got hungry, anC
came home
During thefftcenth and sixteenth cen
turies, the northern nations of Europa
and especially the Dutch, kept the dis
covery business red-hot, but they did no
get any fragments of the true pole Tn
maritime nations of Europe, together witt
other foreign powers, dynasties. and hu
man beings, for some time had spells o
visiting The polar seas and neg,ecting t.
come back 1t was the custom then, a
it is now, 20 go twenty rods farther thai
any other man had ever been, eat a devilet
boot leg, curl up, and perish. Thou
sands of the best and brightest minds o
all ages have yielded to this wild desir
to live on sperm oil pain killer, and jerke
walrus, keep little blue diary for thir