News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-18
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
A LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
THE LEISURE HOURS.
Down in the NTouth-A Case of Reciprocity
The Bill ColIectOr-He Showed His
Ignorance-Was Looking for Brandy
Dots and Dnshes. ETC., Etc.

L
The Kentuckian's vanity was hit
hard. He turned in the steaming liquid
without flinching, recovered his breath,
and said, with affected Indifference:
''Bah! / could take it cold. San
Francisco Wasp.
WISE BEYOND HIS YEARS.
A gentleman who was visiting one of
the public schools in Texas town asked
bright-looking boy:
"What profit is there in the study of
ancient history?"
"About fifty cents, reckon" was the
reply.
"What?"
"Well, the teacher makes us buy the
books of him, and we have to pay 81.
l think he gets them for fifty cents
apiece; so he has clear profit of fifty
cents, according to my calculation"
The boy went home at recess, hence
he could not comply with the request
of the teacher to stay in after school
Fort Worth Gazette.
LOOKING FOR BOARD.
Applicant to landlady)-And what
can you let me have the fourth floor
back for, MADAME do not hesitate to
say that am not SO far advanced in my
profession that dollar or two a week
would be matter of indifference to me.
Landlady-A member of the legal
profession, sir2
Applicant-No; l am a member of
the musical profession. I play second
flute
Landlady-I see. Well, sir, I would
be willing to rent you the fourth floor
back for two hundred dollars week,
without tire.-N. Y. Sun.
MRS. YERGER's OTHER HUSBAND.
Mrs. Col. Yerger has a great opinion
of her husband and never speaks of him
otherwise than ''my husband, the
colonel" A few evenings ago she hap
pened to make the usual remark.
''Mrs. Yerger," remarked Gus de
Smith, 81 hear you frequently mention
your husband, the colonel All, what
is your other husband2"
Mrs. Yerger says that if she was to
tell her husband, the colonel, what Gus
de Smith said, he would fill Gus's hide
SO full of bullet holes that it couldn't
hold shucks.
THE BILL COLLECTOR.
Brown-rve got an excellent plan TO,
gsstipg rid Of bill collectors.
b s'i - 5Sts: Saasr fails.
G-Then, old fellow, YOU must lei
me into the secret, for I'm worried to
death by 'em.
B.-Well, I've tried it several times
of late. and l find the man never comes
back again.
Gay, ay; what do you do2
B.-I pay him.-BostOu Courier.
THE SHORT ROAD TO WEALTH.
First Train Robber-Is this train the
one we are waiting for?
Second Train Robber-No; this only
carries couple OF millions in gold to
the San Francisco Mint. 1t is the next
train.
First Train Robber-What's on the
next train2
Second Train Robber-A sleeping car
porter with whole weeks earnings in
his pocket. Philadelphia Call.
RECIPROCITY.
Mr.. LIE Jones-Well, Miss Coldcash,
I suppose you received good many
valentines.
Miss Coldcash (sweetly)-Oh, yes,
and there was one particularly dainty
you.
Mr.. Le Jones (delighted) What
makes you think so2
Miss Coldcash-Because I sent it to
you last Chicago Rambler.
DOWN IN THE MOUTH.
"Oh, ma," said young girl, "Char-
ley is going away, and l feel, oh, so de-
jectedP'
"You have been kissing him, haven't
you2"
Certainly. I gave him parting
kiss"
'That accounts for your detection,
then"
"How so, MAJ"
"Why, that's the way you got down
in the mouth. "-Neaonaan Independent.
SHOWING HIS IGNORANCE.
SIT is easy to see that this preacher
is not college graduate" remarked
the sporting editor.
"What preacher?"
ga man in New York. He preached
a sermon from Where are theeNinep"
GLOW does that show that he is not
college GRADUATED"
"Why, college graduate would have
the position of every baseball player in
the country at his finger ends. Pitts
6urgh Chronicle.
SPREADING.
A certain divine who had wandered
in the course of his travels beyond the
conveniences of the railroad was obliged
to take to horse. Being unaccustomed
to riding, he said to his host:
"I hope you are not so unregenerate
in these parts that you would give me a
horse who would throw good Presby-
terian ministerp
"Wall, l dunno" was the reply, eve
believe in spreading the spelP'-Ll'de-
pendent
TRAVELLING.
"They tell me you've travelled, Mr..
Crimsonbeak, " said Miss Fussanfeather,
during a lull in the conversation the
other night,
eyes, I've travelled considerable.
used to travel for dry goods house.
wish was travelling now"
'I wish you were," innocently re
joined the young lady, noticing that
both hands of the clock were pointing
upward. - YoRkerS Statesman.
GIRL WITH GREAT HEAD.
"But, Marie, thought you despised
Mr.. Slimson."
$50 do"
"Then, what did you marry him
fcr?n
$50 that he would stay downtown
evenings and not hang around me al
the time. ~ Ohacdg0 Neoos.
so HIGH.