The Portland daily press., 1886-09-07

I'M Chinese village during the time of drought,
a missionary saw row of idols put out IN the hot
test and busiest part OF the road. He inquired
the reason, and the natives answered.:
1--WE prayed our gods to send us rain, and they
like the heat and dryness."
Convalescents, and those in delicate health, es-
pecially old people will find Vegetine just the
thing.
Handel was a large eater as well as a large
man. Once he entered London restaur ant and
ordered dinner for three. He waited and waited,
but no dinner came; and fnallyhe called the
"Why don't you bring me in my dinner9"
eve will serve the dinner as soon as your COM
pany Gomez
Thunder and ghtnne.' blurted out the hum
cry Handel; "brlng me the dinner prestisslmo-l
am the company"
Hay Fever is type of catarrh having pscu
liar SYMPTOMS. 1t is attended by an infamed con-
dition of the lining membrane of the nostrils tear
ducts and throat, affecting the lungs. An acrid
mucus is secreted, the discharge is accompanied
with a burning sensation There are severe
spasms of sneezing, frequent attacks OF headache,
watery and infiamed eyes. Elys Cream Balm is a
remedy that can be depended upon. 80 cts. at
druggists by mail, registered, go cts. Ely Broth
ers, Druggists, owego, NY.
His mana was clergyman who strictly enforced
the rue:that the young scion should attend Sun
day service despite his tender years. Imagine
study door he discovered the boy in the act Of ex-
pelling a large bumbebee, waving his small arms
frantically in the air and crying:
.Sh-h! shit Get cut of here! Get out, tell
you, or papa'l preach you to deatn'
Lydia Z. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
strengthens the stomach and kidneys and aids
digestion. 1t is equally good for both sexes.
That wonderful catholicon known as Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound has given the
lady worldwide reputation FOR doing good
He is genealogist and knows the date of birth
and death of all his ancestors but was one DAY
obliged to ask the age of his own first borR
"Gsod gracious" calculated the nurse S a me
about his ewn degenerators."
II there ever was specific for any one com
PLANT then Caiter's Little Liver Pills are spe-
ehc for sick headache, and every woman should
know this. One pill dose.
"war is terrible thing. The first fight tvI was
in was the battle Of Shiloh t tb you eSys my
menced firing on u.s." said old Tommy Hayfield to
visiting nejghbors. >, .,.os A.,
Hayfeld sit would doubtless have frighte ned
me II had been soldier in that battle; but 1t
wouldn't have scared nae TILL my nearb jumped III
to my mouth"
90 don't doubt it," retorted the old man.
"You are woman, and woman never lets her
heart get in her MOUTH
"Hump!" calculated the old lady, 81 suppose
YOU think that the reason woman never gets her
heart in her mouth is because she hasn't any
heart"
mo, my DEAR" replied the old warrior, between
whiffs of tobacco smoke "its because if her heart
were in her mouth she couldn't talk"
MY friend, look herel you know how weak and
nervous your wife is, and you know that Carriers
Iron Pills will relieve her, now why not be fair
and buy her box7
Capitalist Dust rescued from the wator)-Well,
Mister Pm much 'blised to We for hauling me out
Of the water, an here's a dollar an forty cents
for ye-all the change I've got about me now.
Rescuer-On, no; keep your money. wouldn't
think OF robbing you.
Capitalist-Not tall net tall! 'Twould have
been lost anyhow If We hadn't rescued me.