The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1886-10-20
flashes Of fun.

OF CheSCnutS. mat = the reason the
queen gives them a speech every
year.
If it were not for the church
bellies a good many young men
would not be drawn to Sunday
meeting.
-'sIt is somewhat unfair that
people possessed of the least health
have the largest amount of sickness
to bear"
1t doesn't cost anything to
remember the poor, but if you want
the poor to remember you it will
cost you something.
An Irishman wrote home to
friends over the sea that in this
blessed land everybody is so honest
that a reward has to be offered for
thieves.
"A mule kicked over a can of
dynamite in the oil country the
other day, and for 200 rods in every
direction there wasn't anything left
but the mule.
Every tomorrow has two
handles, faith and anxiety. If you
grasp either one you are likely to
wish you had taken the other before
the day is over.
Mamma, in what land does
the dried-apple tree grown
"Don't ask foolish questions?"
ooh! 1 suppose it must be in some
swell country, any way :
The goose is called a fool bird,
and when you talk science to her
she is; but she never lays more eggs
than she can cover, and never bites
off more grass than she car chew.
The railway companies want to
lay their tracks with hardened sleep
ers. One of the New Haven minis
tiers says his congregation has mate
rial enough to set up a whole par
allel road.
-"This is a very healthy place."
observed a boarding mistress. eyes
for chickens" said a bOarder. II
have been here for two years and
haven't seen a dead one yet" She
took the hint.
Some newspaper in the future,
in it's anxiety to get ahead of its
esteemed contemporary, will publish
the Geographic news Il week ahead,
and will hire a special prophet -
accomplish that object.
An old lady was asked what
she would do with all the corn if it
could not be made into whiskey.
She replied: Il would make it into
starch to stiffen the backbone Of the
temperance people"
-"What a fresh complexion Miss
B. has" said a gentleman to a young
lady alta party.
EYES," replied the lady, who was
rival OF Miss Bis; cit is quite early
in the evening yet, you know, and 1t
hasn't had time to dry"
Husband (airily; they had just
returned from their wedding trip
eff I'm not home from the club by
-ah-ten, love, you won't wait"
Wife (quietly)-"No, dear" (but
with appalling frmness), "Ill come
for you!" He was back at 9:45
sharp.
-"Well, Pat" was asked of a
recently-arrived immigrant, "and
how do you like American" ats a
fine country, sor." "Have you sue
ceeded in getting work YETI" "No,
sor; but | have a friend in Washing
ton who is afther getting me a pin
sion.'
"A Texas preacher caught four
or five boys in his peach trees. He
did not punish them, but merely
said: "You ought to be ashamed
of yourselves, particularly the big
boys. Which of you boys here is
the oIdest?" "He amt here at all,
sir. He didn't know that we were
coming"
A farmer writing to a friend, to
whom he felt under obligations for
Introducing a variety of swine, thus
unbosomed himself: "Respected
sir, | went to the fair at Monsoon. |
found several pigs of your species.
There was a great variety of beasts,
and | was astonished at not seeing
you there"
The fob chain has come again.
No., a. 1911 oo1-k x,Lsl H.