Smyrna times., 1886-04-21
Sharp, Short and Sunny.

An appropriate platform for a New
York aldermanic campaign Votes
for Doodle only. 1911.
The weather is getting balmy and
springIike, and yet lots of men prefer
beer to spring water.
A woman who was disguised as
man was found out from the fact that
there were no suspender buttons in her
pockets.
We Judge that the Irish political din
ner table will never again be reduced |
to the famous IrOvender Of potatoes |
and point. ..
Any tailor can make suit of clothes
and il takes nine tailOrs to make man.
II is very evident therefore, that clothes
don't make the man.
School boys in Philadelphia have
caught the strike infection, but demtr-
its and home rule castigatiOn have
quelled an disturbances.
It is said that "love is blind" and
perhaps this may account for the fact
that two lovers do not care for any
light in the front parlOr.
The United States has nearly three
times as many doctors as England, and
nearly four times as many as France,
in proportion to the population.
You might as well says Senator
Daniel of Virginia, put a mustard plas-
ter on a bald head for heart disease as
to apply legislation for the cure Oflabor
trouble
A week or two previous to the cleo
ton in Rhode Island the Knights of
Labor in Providence voted unanimous
ly to cast their vote for the prohibitOry
amendment.
An Iowa man who had been convert
ed at a revival meeting grOaned so
load and long over his sins that he was
arrested and fined so dollars for dis
orderly conduct.
IF YOU want to know whether your
grandmother was crossseyed or where
your great uncle stood in his arithme-
tic class, Just run for Office and you'll
know all about it.
An exchange says that Easter bon
nets are in process Of construction.
Milliners now build Il scafold about
the steeple bOnnets, otherwise they
could not work to advantage.
Philadelphia preachers and mer.
chants are in favor Of Saturday half
holidays. The chief obstacles are
thoughtless women who will go shop
ping when they are not wanted.
A burglar entered the sleeping room
of P. Kendall, at LOckland, Ohio,
Wednesday. He drew a pistol, but Mr..
Kendall was too quick for him, and the
intruder fell dead at the first fire.
There was a young lady Wise,
Whose brain was gigantic in size,
She knew everything,
Could paint, dance and sing,
But couldn't make custards and pies
The British Conservatives have con-
cluded to postpone until after the Eas-
ter holidays deciding whether or not
to force a division on the second read
ing of Mr.. Gladstone's Home Rule bill
Congress has appropriated half q
million dollars for statue to Abraham
Lincoln in Washington. As the Gov.
ernmeRt always pays so per cent more
for its work than it is worth, we ex.
pect to see a $4,000 statue erected
with the $5O0,OOO.
The platform of the socialists in thii
country as we CLEAN from their speech
es, is Ten hours for sleep, ten hours
for drinking beer, four hours denounc
ing American manufacturers and n,
hours for labor. This they cOnside
pretty good days work.
A Boston man was arrested for call
ing his servant a "redhead." Ifhe haC
spoken Of her as a capillary substanc,
wearing a rOseate blush like unto th,
brilliant hue Of golden sunset, n
would have gained the applause 0
every resident Of his city.
The Easter recess of Parliament viii
be period Of almost Unprecedente'
controversial activity. Monster meet
ings have been arranged for through
out the United Kingdom, and Glad
stone and his opponents Will appeal III
Tectly to the people for support.
A boy who is polite to his lather an,
mother is likely to be polite to ever
body else. A boy lacking politencss {
his parents may have the -.H lance G.
courtesy in society. but ,.. trul
polite in spirit; as he becomes familia
betraying his real want of courtesy.
If home rule is defeated in the Hous
Of Commons and Mr.. Gladstone appea
to the country, the United Kingdol
will see the liveliest canvas is has eve
known. A cable despatch tells
preparations for the battle which. !,
US hope, Mr.. Gladstone will not b
forced to fight.
Mr.. Hurd, of Toledo, denOunct
thirty members of the House as traito
to their party. On the Judicial que
tiOn whether he was elected, they Il
cided aud voted that he was not, A
Oording to Mr.. Hurd, it is treason
the Democratic party not TO steal Z
election whenever there is a chance.
Some years ago an absent-mind
wife lost brass-safety pin. She cou
not remember whether she had sw.
lowed it or inadvertently stuck it in {
small Of her back. Three years aftt
ward she complained of an acute pa
in her right arm. Two days after q
plying a blister she found the safe
pin in the tray of an old trunk in t
attic.
The Carrollton massacre says III
pers Weekly if unredressed and apps
emily unobserved by the communit
will confirm theo conviction that I
comrades of those who are oper
slaughtered amid IN indifferent co
munity to vote against its will If
remedy forauch wrongs exists in M
sissippi, a remedy will be found out
Mississippi.
Buck1en's Arniea Salve.
The Best salve ia the world for Cuts Brui
Sores, Ulcers, Salt ihCum, Fever Sores Tet