The Washington critic., 1886-07-03
GENERAL AND CRIrICULAR.

England.
GENERAL AND CRIr1CULAR.
"Danel,n called the President this morn
ing shortly after he had gone to work.
ayes, sire,n responded Daniel.
"Will you be kind enough to &c. M
copy Of to-day's Republican,"
There was one left on your desk, sire"
al know, DanIcl but my wife's poodle has
eaten of the entire editorial page"
"Great Heavens, sire, he is dead dog"
"Tut, tut, Daniel"
"But, sire, the 'Breakfast-Table Letter.
was on that page and Hector isn't Gus
toned to such indigestible food"
"Perfectly harmless, Daniel; perfectly
said the President, cheerfully.
"Ile'll fatten on it. Look at me-"
'Sire," murmured the restored Daniel,
'you are great consolation. will pro-
cure another copy of the paper"
"Mamma, " said Cougressman's son and
heir this morning, "is tomorrow the Fourth
Of July,"
"Yes, Johnnie"
'It's Sunday, too, amt itY'
"Yes.n
"Well mamma, is Sunday the Fourth of
July, or is the Fourth of July, Sunday"
"Why, my son." said the perplexed
mother, "there isn't any difference"
"But there must be-" he insisted.
al don't see how, Johnnie.n
"Lemme show you," he said, with the
air OF bis father. "If Sundays the Fourth
of July, I'm going to shoot shooting
crackers, and torpedoes, and raise the pave
ment right Off the street all day long; but
If the Fourth of July is Sunday, why, /
s'pose I'll go to Sunday school in my nice
clean clothes and be good little boy all
day. See, mammaY"
"Oh, see," she said, frightening; swell,
my child, the Fourth of July is Sunday"
II Mr.. Childs will run for President we
will pledge ourselves to refer to him ex-
clusively as the G. o. NJ. OF American
politics.
Bismarck's physician has forbidden him
TO use beer and all that links him to earth
now is his beloved sausage.
In the New York Hcrdlfs report of the
lie Morny-Blanco wedding in Paris ycster-
day It is gratifying to learn that the "mas-
.'ve doors" of the Madeleine were opened,
the "masslve granite steps" covered with
carpet, the ''vast church, filed with peo-
pie, the bride drove up in 'large Ian
dau" and the groom wore "large cross aud
ribbon" The report was an immense sue
cess for the Newyorkopean readers of the
Hddid.
Here's another ques tion for civil service
examination candidates. It is 80 miles
from Washington to the United States
Naval Academy, and If the Board OF Wis
itors can't get there and back without con-
suning half carload OF spring chickens,
old chickens, turtles, sardines, eggs, Santa
Cruz rum, cognac, squash, beer, Apolli-
naIis, MoXie nerve food, ginger ale, sand
wiches and olives, how many carloads of
cheap lunch would the Visitors carry along
in baskets and satchels If they had to pay
their own expenses and 90 five times as
far? A ilrst-class certificate will be given
the candidate answering this correctly on
the first trial.
A little mosquito crept under the bar,
Where Grover was sleeping serene,
And with 1t came other mosquitoes, intent
On adding some fat to their lean.
And they buzzed,
Aud they buzzed,
And Grover slept on.
But buzzing is nothing, while biting ia
much
In measures Of fatning a bug,
And all the mosquitoes, selecting his face,
Presented their bills to his mug.
And they bit,
And they bit,
And Grover awoke.
"salnt Mugwump," he cried, to frankie
near by,
And rose with flre-alarm shout,
81 say to you, madam, your duty is clear,
These rascals you ought to turn OUT
And they bu2zed,
And they bit,
And Grover was mad.
"lndeed, +" said his wife, in BufTa-low tone
And she looked like an angel-chd elf
'lf you think | should turn these rascali
all out,
You should set the example yourself"
And they huzZed,
And they bit,
And Grover was squelched.
He Had Seen the score.
First Musician lin street car)-"Yes,
il, A.Fa II.