The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-05-13

When dog becomes sick, he will eat grass
How appropriate, then, that when a man is
bitten he should go to Pasteur.
-.+
The Democrats are willing to admit that the
'mouth of the Mississippi" which needs most
Improvement is jeff Davis mouth.
The Commercial Gazette wants Cleveland to
slip off to France and marry Miss Folsom-take
sort of "French leave" as it were.
-
A Democratic paper says "there is no differ
ence between the President and his party
That's laundering hard on Cleveland.
A farmer will scarcely earn his bread by the
sweat of his brow this year-un less it turns
warmer, or he puts on overcoat.
The expression "naked truth" must have
originated from the idea which presents statues
of Justice with hardly any clothes on.
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An opera singer in Massachusetts, opened her
mouth wide that she fell into it, and was
lost. This should be terrible warning.
ass
"The country reporters should be patient
they'll get plenty of good items after little. The
moving machine will start before long.
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A Michigan man has bust of Lincoln made
of redeemed greenbacks. Greenbacks were
used in making Andy Johnson's "busts," too,
but they were not preserved.
man who resided long time among the
Indians says he never knew an Indian man to
kiss a squaw. Good gracious-no wonder!
We wish the newspaper men who are certain
that "the factions of the Democratic party are
divided," would attempt to remove tick from
dogs ear once.
The new style gentlemen's seer-sucker coats
a little more stylish than the old. They
just show the buttons on the top of the panta-
looms, behind.
A speaker at Atlanta. speaking of jeff. Davis
visit, said "this is the gladdest Easter since
Christ was resurrected." He referred to the res
direction of JEFF. Davis.
+.<
They had two scientists analyze the granite
with which they are paving Cincinnati. The
reports were satisfactory. One said it was gran
ite. and one said it wasn't.
Gen. Gordon thinks the South was too little
to whip the North, and undertook an imposi-
bility. He thinks the South a fool, rather than
a coward.
Rip Van Wrinkle Davis awoke from his long
dream few days ago, and learned that the
South had been whipped. He refused to believe
it.
New York newspaper man went to Europe
on a wedding tour. The question now is, how
is he going to get back? He can't walk it.
+.+
eff old Gladstone had such wife as mine,"
said Meeker, ''the question of home rule
wouldn't bother him. 1t would be settled at
once.
Instead of putting up lightning rod, why
not employ the agent, as protection. 1t is
marvellous that the lightning never strikes
him.
There would be great deal more enjoyment
in pluckng flowers in the field of life, if there
was more time employed in pulling the weeds.
We will have to put the Democrats into pow
er for second term. They can't begin to prove
in four years that they are fit party to entrust
with public affairs.
This is the time of year when the boy, fishing.
can demonstrate to the entire satisfaction of
the farmer, that he can tramp down four BUSH
-
Are you married = Salu Oruu, Ine Dalcn-
elor, to his friend Merryman.
"Oh, yes-I've got BOSS wifei"
'Ah, 1 thought so ~
True happiness is never far away. Give
woman a few sickly looking plants in old
fruit cans filled with dirt, and she'll be as happy
as queen.
eThe body was crematedT' said Mrs. Wise,
with knowing toss of the head.
Land, sakes!" exclaimed Mrs. Softly, "an'
did he look natural when they brought him
back?"
The Democracy of the South places JEFF. Da-
VII beside Washington, in history. The Devil
was beside Christ, once, but had to take a back
seat.
At Waterbury, Connecticut, the grand stand
at base ball game fell, hurting many people.
And yet the pig-headed people will not accept
this as judgment!
There are two classes of men whose chances
for salvation may be considered doubtful
murderers, and men who keep squealing pigs
or bawling calves next door to churches.
%.*
A new style of kid glove stretcher has been
invented. 1t is smaller than the old, and is to
used by dudes for stretching their mouths, SO
that the end of cigar will go in.
=
The Salvation Army should go to Piketon,
right away. There is a newspaper war there
which calls for immediate action. One editor
says another won't pay his debts, and the sec
ond retorts that the first is a swindler and a
horse-thief.
1t is thought Ingalls, bill making Inaugural
ton Day April 30th, will go through. Demo-
Gratis will like it, it will defer the exit of that
party for nearly two months
An old man in California is "cutting his
third set of teeth" They don't tell us what
the old man is cutting them for, but perhaps he
wants to give the dentists another job.
Roy Hanna, editor of Free Press at Ellwood,
Indiana, was rotten egged by the wife of a man
he had been abusing. But she didn't hurt him.
He liked to smell them. 1t reminded him of
the nearest saloon. He always liked Timber
ger.
They accuse Secretary Whitney of trying to
treat his way to the Presidency. Ifso, he great
ly mistakes the capacity of American states
manship. The liquor will be gone before he
gets there.