News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-09-30
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
HUMOROUS READING TO SMILE OVER
IN THE LEISURE HOURS.
Love at Snratogu-Not SO Pretty-The Low
ers-Haste to the Weddlng-LOOking all
ArOund-An EzampIe-Odds and Ends,
ETC., ETC., Etc.

|
Around-An EzampIe-Odds and End,
ETC., Etc, Etc.
LOVE AT SARATOGA.
"Gladys," he said, as his big ey
opened to drop his eye-glass, 81 think
have something confidential to tell you
"What is it, Algernon2" she asked
as she smoothed her bang with one hanC
and handed him saucer for his ciga
ashes with the other. "What is you
secret, Algernon9"
"Well, Gladys" he continued, as h
delicately blew a fly out of the cham
pagne glass, 81 think-I think that un
der some circumstances might love yo,
now do you love me?"
''Yes, Algernon, 1 do love you-you
know l do"
81 am very glad, Gladys, that you
love me, for /"
! 80, Aloernon"
"For always liked to be loved.~
"Well, Algernon2"
But Algernon never said another word
Newport fellows never say any more
than that.-EA Perkins.
LOOKING AROUND.
$50 you won't take dot coat for seven
dollar2"
"No, I guess not"
''VhelI, we shall call it six, though
lose by it"
''No, guess not"
"Say five und half2"
''No; I'll look around little"
What peesness vhas you in, my
frendt2"
II sell grindstones.
"Oh, you do?"
"Why2"
ooh, nothing, except dot when like
a grindstone l look aroundt leedle,
too !"-Detroit Free Press.
NO TROUBLE.
''Do you ever have much trouble in
getting your children to take medi-
cine ?" said Mrs. Green, addressing Mrs.
Black. 'None at all. - 'How did YOU
manage it ~ "Well, for instance, when
l want my boy to take castor oil, pour
the oil into glass and say, "Here,
Tom, drink this; but you needn't ask
for any more Then he drinks 1t with
apparent relish, believing that | am not
anxious for him to take it. He always
asks for more. Oh, no; it is no trouble
to get my children to take medicine -
ATkGnS01o IraUeler.
Cynic-I hear you're going to be mar
ried, old fellow. Lover-Yes, am, to
a charming girl, too. Cynic-Can she
cook 2 Lover -Um--well-a-I believe
not. Cynic-Can she sweep out a room
Lover-I-I think not. Cynic-Just as
l thought. Like all the girls of to day
I'd marry myself if l could find the
right kind of girl. Lover Sarcastic
ally)-- My dear fellow, did you ever try
an intelligence office I'd have gone
there myself if wanted a cook.
AN EXAMPLE IN ADDITIt n.
'FWhat are you doing, Reginald %
asked Reginald's wife, she saw him
lay down the two-year- r-old and take up
the twin babies who were crying like
good ones.
"Only an example in addition, my
dear" he responded, wearily.
81 don't understand"
81 put down one and am carrying two,
that's ALL, and he began the midnight
walking match. Bits.
FITTING HER FOR HER FUTURE SPHERE.
eyes" said the mother, "Mary is very
ambitious. She VOWS she will marry
foreign count or some grandee of some
kind, and she wants to be accomplished"
accomplished?
"Yes. Nothing will satisfy her short
of being fitted to become the wife of
noblemau."
"And are you educating herr"
eyes; l am teaching her how to wash
and iron. ."-B0StOn Courier.
LOVE IN MEXICO.
'If the Mexicans meet pretty wo-
man on the street." says letter in the
New Orleans Picayune, ''although an
entire stranger, they will say to her,
You are so sweet so pretty 1 love
your No offence is meant and the lady
is not expected to notice it. Such a
compliment was paid a pretty Boston
girl in Mexico City, and she astonished
her plain-spoken admircr by taking her
parasol to him
THAT'S ME.
Partin lovers are sentimental, but
Massachusetts girl, on bidding good
bye to her fiance, capped the climax by
directing his attention to the Great
Dipper in the starry armament. "You
see the second star in the handle of the
dipper, don't you p. EYES," "And
you see that faint little star close to the
second star 2" eyes, my dear.n ''Well,
darling, that's me-" -Harper's Weekly.
HASTE TO THE WEDDING.
Woman in upper window Ito young
man at front door)-We don't want no
paper envelopes.
Young man with package of envelopes
in his hand)-But, you
Woman-No "buts." We don't want
no stationery.
Young man turning to go)--That
'ooman IL wonder Wy she didn't git no
invitation to the weddin'.
ALL LOST.
Capitalist Gust rescued from the
water )-"'Well, Mister, I'm much |
'bliged to ye for hauling me out of the
water, an here's dollar an forty cents
for ye-all the change I've got about
me now." ooh, no; keep your money. |
wouldn't think of robblng you" mot |
tall! not tall 'Twould have been lost |
anyhow if ye hadn't rescued me."-
Harper's Bazaar.
PRINCE JOHN.
There is a story told of ''Prince John"
Van Buren to the effect that he once en-
tertained some of his constituents, among
them an old Dutchman, who was so
highly delighted that he expressed a
desire to ''reCiprocate" But when Mr..
Van Buren ascertained his definition of
he found he meant that he
would like to come again.
WATCH AND PREY.
A New York gentleman in a crowd
felt somebody tugging at his watch
chain. He did not get excited or angry,
but merely said quietly to the pick
pocket:
Waterbury,"
"Excuse me, replied the light fingered
gentleman, as he moved away.-Austin
SVtings.
SHE WAS NOT PRETTY.
"Have you seen Jones' wife2" asked
of Gus De Smith.
Eyes, saw her few days ago"
''Is she pretty2"
81 don't like to express an opinion.
All know is that if it was a love match
it settled the question in my mind about
owe being blind"-Ieras .SJtiHgs.
A PRovIDER.