The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1886-02-19
was simply obeying an irresistible Inn
pulse.
Noble and lovable as he was droll and
xitty-we nc'er shall look upon his like
again.-DetroI Free Press.
"Old Punkinhead. -


"If you can get Old Punkinhead
there to tell you the bed story, you're
IL luck" said mine host, aside. "Hc's
character! His names So-and-So, but
we call him Old Punkinhcad because
he's so set in his ways. Henever reads
newspaper and doesn't believe IN any
OF the ncw-fangled notions of our day.
Can't You tell this young man that bed
story?' he asked turning to the old 'un.
1t consumed half an hour and several
more pots before Old Punkinhead was
wound up to tho spinning point. He
was thin almost to transparency
and he had one of those economical
faces: for whatever his nose dropped
his chin caught. He had whisk-broom
beard that pokcd out in front as if it
dared anybody TO come near it.
''rain't much ov a story;;" he began,
''but it got me inter trouble. Now at
hum I've alters had bed that sootcd
me. 1t wasn't much ov bed, ter be
sure. but my grandpop slep' inter it an
it's good enough fur me. hain't proud
Of am han sum. 1t is one ov them
high-posted beds, an whin l. gifts inter
it hain't huv up ter the wall like some,
body was under it boostin' ov it.
"Wall. one day l he'd ter go to taoun
on dizziness, an cz wus goin' ter he
aout all night takes my grip along.
with my night-gownd an night-cap in it.
l went ter the circus, walked around an
seen the sights, he'd my fill ov peanuts,
an about eleven O'Clock, saslays up to
the hotel watts kept by Mr.. st. Nickyla-
son, Broadway street. walks up ter
the desk and SEE ter the fellcr behind
the bur. scz !, Il want room.'
"'How high?'" scz he.
"'l don't care, seq L; 'cnnywhar be
twixt yer an the roof
ale latfs an SCI, i mean thcr price.
Will $40 SCOT ycr?''
~ tolc him that didn't want ter buy
the house, an that only KEN ter stay
one night. He scd he'd compromise on
81, am l finally gcv it ter him.
"Want me ter keep them vallcybuls??'
scd he, pintin' ter my grip.
~ wusn't as green as that. and TUX
1t up with me. A niggcr showed me up
to tber attick, an to make long story
short, got inside and locked myself in.
Thcr wis u bed in one end o thcr room,
but it lookei too purity to mnss up, an I
guess it WIS only thar fur show.
81 hunted through the other room,
an thar found Il bed. 1t was funny
lookin' thing. an wis med ov tin with
wooden sides. didn't like thcr looks
ov 1t, but l wusn't goin' ter be green,
SO 1 ondrcsses an jumps in. Their
folks ut hum he'd tolc me not ter blow
ther gas out, but ter turn it out, an
when gets in l looks fur thcr crank.
finds it all right an gives it a yank.
What happint? was almost drownd-
cd. Somebody up stairs. guess, pours
about million pals of water over me,
an l yells am ycl!s ontil thcr hired man
Gums in an yanks me out.
Who thrOwed that watcr?" scz I;
show me thcr man wot throwcd that
water, an I'll pulvcrizc him, will by
grasshoppers7'
''rhen he called me dcrncd fool, and
it was a batll-tub. Then he'd ter go
down by the kitchen stove and stay
thar all night ter git dry. No more ho-
tells fur me, an if Id caught old st.
Nickylas Id mashed him, | would, by
chow,lcr. ."-Ncw York Sunday World.