The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1886-07-24
Center Theology Reviewed.

EdttOT COgdI y H5O"tc6.
In issue 18th, chapter z, verse IL, there
appears q sermon from the Rt Rev. Buck
Thorpe, who comes tramping along in
the political congregation with the hope
of picking up the clerkship Of court by
the aid of the pine woods voters. Text
of said venerable minister "All to the
center, regardless of expenses, quagmires,
bulldozers or bed bugs" The sermon of
the Right Reverend Buck is wishy-washy,
watery and weak, assuming the heavenly
center to be paradise without proving
up the statement as true, and making
mathematical statements so glaringly
false and ingenious as to bring blush
to the face OF Deacon Hickman. Go to
school, Parson; il not to a female teacher
then go to Tom; but, for the poor, dear
peoples sake, go to some school, II il be
nigger school You need education,
you need manners, you need polish, you
need stability, and must have it though
you seek it in horse stable You need
vaccination, vim and voters, none of
which you will find in the center. Yea,
verify DO I order thee unto a school, and
there to remain until the day of election
when Don shall blow his horn and thou
shalt stalk forth with thy venerable head
filed with ordinary common sense to ap-
pear before grateful people who will
show their appreciation of thy fitness for
the pulpit by casting two votes for thee
as clerk OF the court of thy parish.
Why not build the parish to the center
and reverse things? With little trouble
a portion of Rapides and a portion Match
itoches could he easily attached to Grant
parish, as two-thirds of the residents Ut
those parishes living within radius of
ten miles square around the mouth OF
Cane river are more than willing to join
in the movement, provided Colfax is re-
tanned as the county seat. What say you,
Bro. Thorpe, to that little piece of chick
en- pie? Any liquor in that COCOA nut
/ would like to ask the minister few
questions, but his sermon was so full OF
interrogatories that am fearful he has
been an lend man" in q minstrel troup,
and might be just playing into his
hand l would most respectfully say to
the Rev. gentleman that he is totally unfit
for newspaper writer, as his calling has
naturally taught him truthfulness, and
this jewel is foreign to most newspaper
people, although very common among
ward politicians. can't understand how
the man got 80 far off the path of truth
fulness in his central sermon, unless his
spiritual emotions were at fever heat on
that Sabbath. l do hope the congrcga-
ton will please excuse him, for he wrote
nothing, said nothing and did nothing.
He was only unwen. Bromide, friend !;
bromide It will quiet the nerves.
1T hath charms to soothe a savage,
Split rock, or buet cabbage"
And after doing all that it will sometimes
ease the brain of a wandering minister.
I like preachers. l like all denomina-
tons in the religious world, and think
Bob Ingersoll as good as any OF them !;
but whenever Bob gets off into politics l
lay me down and weep, Tor it deeply
pains me to see religion mixed up in the
dirty pool of politics. / despise to see
LAWYER attempting to preach to decent
people. / never saw one, nor have ever
heard of one, who did not make an asa OF
himself. Yours truly, TRUMP.