, 1886-12-18
WANT 70 Tay The PLATFORM.
The Manager of n Lecture Bureau Tells
of HI. Trinls md TribnlntIons.

The Manager of "a Lecture Bureau Tells
Of His Trials and Tribuiations.
AT about this time of the year, when
the woodchuck takes u farewell view of
the clover field and goes head first into a
hole. snys the manager of a lecture
bureau, the platform iends begin to
crawl out and make life miserable for me.
Everybody think he, she or 1t can lect-
ure. Only yesterday Il big man with u
thick neck and n forehead like n hens
came in here and wanted me to put him
up to the lecture racket, ms he called 1t.
lie said; What der public wants is ter
look ut me. I'm famous,lI am Well,
what do you suppose was the basis OF MS
desire to 20 upon the lecture PLATFORM
lie had once challenged sullivan and
fought him | don't know how many
rounds-through the newspapers. /
promised TO let him know if any
church lecture committee sent for him.
Nearly all the bridge Jumpers have sent
In applications for jobs on the rostrumi
md | have here "A letter from an eX bank
cashier asking il | hay any dates open on
the other side of the Canada line. ! re
piled that the Canadian demand for at
fractions seemed to be filled, but there was
Il vacancy in the course of the Sing sing
Moral Improvement society which he
might fill TO general satisfaction ! told
him the terms there were usually liberal,
but he hasn't accepted the offer.
''The other day u man cam in and
wanted to be put on the list for II scien-
titic lecture. which he said was in n popu-
lar style and very instructive. He struck
me so favorably that | asked him to bring
the lecture in the next day and let me
look over it lie said he called it The
Resources of Civilization He amc with
Il gripsack, took ont n roll of manuscript
and some curious apparatus and pro-
cccded to read me nn essay on high eXplo-
siyes. He took up something that looked
like compressed sawdust-he snid ii was
'vigorite'-nnd announced that, although
by percussion II would explode with ter
rifle violence, he could and would safely
pound it with II hammer. seized the
hammer a. 1t WINS about tn fall and bun-
died him out of the office. lie was "A
theoretical Nihilist.
And then the clo%cutionists- as they call
themselves. The good Lord deliver me
from that tribe. They all want to inilict
upon an abused public 'Curfcw Shall Not
Ring To night They are almost as bad
ms the funny men Of western country
papers, who have been copied all over the
country and have got up rciashes of Joe
Nil er and Artemus Ward that they want
to fire oil under titles that have no earthly
connection with the subjects on which
they propose To spenk.
Perhaps YOU don't believe more than
half of this, but it is all solemn fact.
Why, what would you say if | should tell
YOU that Virgins. the El Mnhdi of OF
tawa, wanted me TO arrange for him an
eastern circuit, so Tint he could deliver "A
lecture ON My Storms and How They
Have Seen Sidetracked by an | nscientiiic
Providence Well. perhaps that wasn't
Just the title Of it. but at any rate lie
wanted to talk on that weary old chestnut
J the weather. | wouldn't he surprised
il II discharged patient from IN in
cbriate asylum should walk in here
and ask me to star him in the church
courses with q thrilling monologue
on snakes or. How Had Emit
iIark' | heard somebody coming. You
wait and see If it ISM an aspirant for
innie and fortune on the lecture plat
form
The door opened, and II tall, good look
ing aud well dressed woman entered. She
hnd II society air, but an independent,
determined look withal. She had been
left 10 her own resources by the death of
Lcr husband, aud she wanted to earn her
own living with the capital of II good
presence, Il fair voice and II slight knowl-
edge Of the nri of public reading, nc
qnired In an amateur way. 1t was no ust
trying to discourage her. She was deter
mned to try, and knew she could succeed
So her name was booked utter some con
sultation. When she had gone the man
aver OF the bureau said. ..She wants t.
lecture ON cranks, and | think | can Civ,
her plenty of points. '-"Unclc BIZ in
Chicago Herald.