The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-09-09
THE MERRY SIDEI

THE MERRY SIDEl
Halstead still emits an occasional faint squeak
from beneath Logan's foot.
"we want no bosses!" says the politician.
The loafer says the same thing.
A Prohibition Ticket in Main reminds one of
a Physicians sign in a graveyard.
-
The old maxim says "speech is siIveln." But
a good deal of it is only nickel-plated.
A man died in Indiana a short time ago, and
now his two widows are dividing his property.
-.
An Alabama town drove off some Mormon
Missionaries, then sent a woman to Utah as a
Missionary.
Sam Jones and Sam Small, with their entire
families, have been crucifed-by the wood-cut
artists.
The Prohibition Convention in Jackson was
preceded by an earthquake. The old parties
trembled.
The only thing about the Mormon question
that worries us is, how can we prescribe them
above all other Democrats?
-
Wellston Livery Stable has a sign up, ain
God We Trust" They look at it just before
they go to curry the mules.
80
Wash Parks, OF New Jersey, welded his step
mother. Mighty questionable whether he gets
along any better now than before.
A London correspondent of New York pa
per writes that "the greatest war of the centu-
ry is at hand" Who's married now?
A st. Louis paper says the saloon, as an agen-
cy of political power, "has had its day." The
trouble is, it has had too many of them.
When will people learn the properties of
that rightly belongs to the fertilizer companies!
The Democratic Congressional Committee
have gotten out NEW Democratic Textbook
This will seriously affect the playing-card
trade.
"Mexico is the bride of the United States, geo.
graphically!' says one writer. Think he's cor
rect, the way they are pulling hair, across the
river.
The Courier-J ournal says many an American
millionaire is liable to have his barrel elected
to the U. S. Senate. Yes, and many a barrel is
elected, that is not a millionaire.
+.+
The citizens of McCu lloch County, Texas, or
dered all the Mexicans in that County to leave,
within five days. The Mexicans got mad, and
left.
Two brothers are running for Governor of
Tennessee, on opposite sides. OF course each
knows just how ornery the other is-but the
old man won't let them tell.
A Columbus man dreamed the other night
that he was eating choice hotel-steak, juicy
and tender, and when he awoke found he had
eaten the sole off of one of his boots.
A Chicago man wants a mausoleum built in
which to bury the city's dead-piling 1t up,
story after story. This is perhaps the only
hope a Chicago man has of being taken upward
after death.
A Tennessee dispatch says san aged farmer OF
Washington County took trough on rats" and
died, leaving no excuse for the rash act" How
could he leave an excuse? 1t WIS inexcusabie
The seven Chicago Anarchists easily succeed
ed in raising the Devil in this country-but
now the Jolly Old Boy is going to take them
back with him.
Say, you-sausage makers! Go to Decatur, Ill
inois, at once. Hogs dying by the thousand, OF
disease Can get all the meat you want for
nothing!
The Soldiers Reunions will recall to the old.
time Copperhead the troublous season when
his eyes turned black from wearing a butter
nut pin.
They arrested Myers, editor of the Enquirer
for perjury, but the Courts only wept, that one
so young, innocent and beau tiful, should fall
under suspicion.
sYou are only an alleged Republican," says
the dude. "Don't you wish you were horse?'
cried the chesnut burr from beneath the horses
tail.
It is astonishing how much room one Police
man or Constable can take up, about a side
show tent. The man with the star on is always
in the sharper's way.
The U. S. Revenue Cutter, Corwin. arrested
three British seal-fishing schooners in Alaskan
| waters. SO much for being found on furrin
shore.
The artist who made the picture of Michael
| ting to combine the features of Scotch Ter
rier and Pennyroyal Bull.
++.
The young men who wear bells upon theil
clothes should remember that in the older
times the monarchs had the Court Fools decor
ated that way. In fact, the bell worn upon the
clothing, indicated the fool.
Hearing that the new Public Printer was "a
yUa prea1
pains to find out what that is. Here is the re-
ply of an old-timer: GA pronounced Dimocrat
| is one who takes Ter straight"
A Democratic paper, over in Kentucky in.
nocently asks if Democratic candidate fol
Congress will withdraw. This is the worst dis
play of political ignorance we have yet run
| across.
Allen o. Myers got away from the fellows
who had him up for perjury. We told you
friends, that you could never make Court be-
lieve that Allen could perjure himself.
"Spakin av fasht runnin," said the jolly Irish
fireman, "we wint over the whole route, and
couldn't make single stop!"
"And why not?"
ssOch we wint so fasht we couldn't see the
shtations!'
Some people get strange ideas of patronism
At the Soldiers Reunion at Wellston we notice
| four gambling schemes and hoe-down dance
within the space of half an acre of ground.
A ADemocratic exchange boldly asserts thai
the Democrats live squarely up to the best ideas
of Civil Service-and on the same page prints
| in glaring headlines lawful Earthquakes" SIS
| there no fear in the human hearth"
A Brooklyn young man got five hundred dol
lars for jumping from the Brooklyn bridge
and is going to start doggery. He was bound
to go the Devil, and falling by the River route
| he will go by the Saloon route.
married woman at Lafayette, Indiana, de