davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04

When silence reigns is it necessary to
carry an umbrella?
Go West and blow away with the
country. is the latest idea.
What class OF women are most apt to
give tone to society?-the bellies.
81 follow suit" as the tailor said while
pursuing Il tramp who had raided his
samples.
"The most important thing connected
with house is the haul" remarked the
burglar.
1t seems almost incredible, but it
is fact that the militia are drawn and
then quartered.
What season of the year is most in
need of a handkerchief? Winter-when
it blows it SHOWS.
"Witness, did you ever see the prison
er at the bar?' "Oh, yes; that's where !
got acquainted with him.
Because man is ridden on rail 0y
his fellow citizens it does not follow that
he is a popular rail-rode man.
A robust blacksmith is needed to shoe
horse; but it requires the careful and
| tender hand of a woman to 'sShoO" Il hen
l guess this is kind of ''put up job,
was the husbands comment as he cast
| his eye along the row of well filled jars
on the shelves in the cellar, the result OF
| his Wife's labor.
| No dentist will turn from evil ways
simply because threatened with future
where there is ''weeping and wailing ant
| gnashing Of teeth" That constitutes his
paradise, you see.
A chicken with clipped wing made
several ineffective efforts to fly over ;
fence. An Irishman, who watched the
efforts of the chick, exclaimed, ''Begorra
she has a defective flew
"Come here, Walter, and let me shave
you too said Uncle Alfred, who was
tensorially employed, to his 5-year-olG
nephew. ''No, was the prompt response
''my whisters amt ripe yet"
81 beg pardon, but aren't you mistak
en-" courteously said Il gentleman to ;
pretty shop girl with whom he was deal
ing. 81 am miss, but not yet taken
SIR she replied with bright blush anC
dropping eyes.
A emale writer declares that womel
will continue on this earth until all th'
men have disappeared from the face of it
This may be true; but who will SETTLE
the millner's and dressmaker's bills il
those latter days.
Mother-W do you think the bab,
| resembles? Uncle-It has it's father.
nose. Mother-And my mouth. Uncle
Yes, fact; and | also notice that will
papa's nose and mammals mouth it leaves
precious little room for forehead
''My son." said a fond father, to hi
little boy, whom he bad been punishin:
by the use of the rod for the first time
sfmy son, l hope this has taught YOU ;
lesson" eyes, pa the little boy sob
bingly replied; sits taught me it's bet
ter to give than to receive
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04
Left Alone at Eighty.

What did you say, dear-breakfast?
Somehow I've slept too late
You are very kind dear Efie;
Go, tell them not to wait,
I'll dress as quick as ever can,
My old hands tremble sore,
And Polly, who used to help, dear heart!
Lies t'other side o. the door.
Put up the old pipe, deary,
I couldn't smoke to-day;
I'm sort o. dazed and frightened,
And don't know what to say.
It's lonesome in the house, here,
And lonesome out o. door
I never knew what lonesome meant,
In all my life, before.
The bees go humlning, all day long,
And the first June rose has blown,
And I am eighty, dear Lord, to day
Too old to be left alone!
o heart of Lowell so still ond cold
Oprecous lips so white
For the first sad hours in sixty years,
You were out of my reach, last night.
You've cut the flower. You're very kind.
She rooted it last May;
1t was only a slip; pulled the rose,
And threw the stem .awas; sa
But she, sweet thrifty soul, bent down,
And planted it where she stood;
''Dear, maybe the flowers are living,'' she
said,
''Asleep in this bit of woods
I can't rest, deary-I cannot rest;
Let the old man have his will,
And wander from porch to garden post
The house is so deathly still;
Wander, and long for a sight of the gate
She has left jar for me-
We had got so used to each other, DEAR
So used to each other, you see.
Sixty years. and so wise and good,
She made me better man,
From the moment kissed her fair young
face,
And our lovers life began.
And seven fine boys she has given me,
And out of seven not one
But the noblest father in all the land
Would be proud to call his son.
Oh well, dear Lord III be patient,
But feel so broken up;
At eighty years it's an awesome thing
To drain such 4 bitter cup.
know, there's Joseph and John and Hal,
And four good men beside,
But hundred sons couldn't be to me
Like the woman l made my bride.
NV little Polly, so bright and fair!
So winsomc and good and sweet
She had roses twined in her sunny hair,
White shoes on her dainty feet;
And held her hand-Was it yesterday
That we stood up to wed?
And-No, l remember, am eighty to-day,
And my wife, Polly, is dead.
Selected
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04
HE KNEW THE STORY.

A business man on the third floor
of building on Griswold street
bought Il ton of coal the other day,
and when boy came up to ask him
for the job Of elevating the chestnut,
he asked the youth to take a chair,
and then SAID:
My boy, you should start right in
entering the path of life.
Yes, sir-that's what NAV says.
WAS a poor boy-a very poor
boy myself at your age.
Yes, SRI don't doubt it; you
wore ragged clothes and didn't have
enough to eat.
Ahem-y-e-s. | felt that | would
have my own future, and | decided
to start out right. In the town where
| lived there was five story build
ing.
Yes. sir. and there was offices way
up on the top floor and no elevator.
Just so, my hoy.
And man who had an office on the
top floor bought ton Of coal, and
you asked him for the job of backing
i it up.
Exactly.
1t was worth fifty cents, but he Of
fered you quarter and rather than
lose the job you accepted it. The
man took a notion to you, secured
you a place in an office, and you are
to-day rich. respected, and likely to
be sent to Washington as United
States senator. | know the story like
book.
You do! Why, where did you ever
hear it before?
Twenty times over right on this
street. | tnmbled to it after carrying
up two tons, and you fellars can't
wallop me again
Why, my son, L
s all right, mister: but my terms
are fifty cents spot cash or no lug
ging. Powerful funny thing that ali
you chaps who have been poor and
worked up to riches want poor lit
tie penniless cub to work for half
cash and half taffy.
The occupant of the office said
that he would reserve the job for
some boy with meek and humble
disposition,
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04
THE TELEPHONE GIRL

There had been an unusual elec-
trical disturbance, and the telephone
girl had received several discourag-
ing shocks while answering calls. AS
might have been expected, this sour
ed her temper more or less, and when
5S5 called she uttered her customary
"Eello," so snappishly that the man
ager who sat by, knew something
was about to suffer.
ssGive me Mr.. Bullwinkle's S store.
please" said Mrs. Bullwinkle, who
had called.
''All right Here it is.
'sHello Is Mr.. Bullwinkle there ?''
"No, ma'am," replied one of the
clerks.
"Do you know where he is?''
At this instant the heartless girl
switched on Warpman, who was de-
scribing the gentleness of horse he
was about TO purchase to one of his
friends, and the reply Mrs. Bullwinkle
got was:
II was down to Farman's this af-
ternoou, and when [ went to the barn
| found Farman's wife with her arms
around his neck, and when l spoke
about taking him away, she began
crying and said she would not be
able to live without him."
''She did, eh? said Mrs. Bullwin-
kle, sputtering into the transmitter.
1.-The hussy! Well see !" And when
the same number called for surgeon
just before bedtime, the telephone
girl knew that Mrs. Bullwinkle. chad
seen.'
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04


says number one s'Mrs. A. drank
some cider which went straight to
her head, and you can't imagine how
comically she acted
''Fhey had company over to DIS
the other night" says number two,
:sand Mrs. A. drank so much wine
or cider that she didn't know what
she was about
''They do say" says number three
confidentlally to some friends, ''that
Mrs. A. has got into the habit of TAX
ing stimulants, and the other night
at Mrs. DIS she was actually drunk" :"
And so it goes on until Mrs. A.
is written down in the thoughts Of
the community as woman who is
going to the dogs through love of
strong drink.
Here is another case:
.-That Mrs. Y, who has just2come
here, must be a very attractive wo-
man, | Think says number one,
"for Mr.. F. actually talked to her a
good half hour at the reception the
other evening, and had no eyes nor
ears for any one else
That is enough. Number two
hears, and this is her version:
''Have you met the Y.'s yet? She
is quite pretty woman, for she kept
Mr.. F. talking to her at the recep-
ton the other evening ever so long :,
and you know how fastidious he is. "
Number three reports:
''That Mrs. Y. is a very pretty
woman, but her husband better look
out for her. She has gotten up a
desperate filtration with Mr. F., sc
soon, and the way they 60 on-well y
A crescendo of exclamation points
can no more than point that "well.
Before the season is over Mrs. y
and Mr.. T. are upon society's rec
ords, as on the point of eloping. Ev-
cry motion is watched, every needles;
word they are heard to utter is weigh
ed. By and by Mrs. Us careles:
unconsciousness is broken in upol
by some whisper of what is going on
One of two effects follow She is eli
ther crushed and heartbrokcn. or sh'
becomes defiant, and possibly through
that defiance what this sort of GOSSIP
has labored to make her.
''Society must protect itself.
That is true, but society can bette
afford to be a hundred times deceive,
than to misjudge one innocent per
son, for the consequences are not s.
tragic.
It is the duty of every woman t
guard the good name of every othe
woman as carefully as she would he
own. If you are true to womanhoo
within you, this will be your rule O
conduct. Believe the best of ever
one, man or woman, and when yo
feel inclined to judge harshly, loo
over your own life, and see if yo
cannot find thoughtless, needless ac
tions, that, If known, would hav
brought cruel criticism upon you.
you cannot, you are, indeed, an eS
, ceptional and most fortunate woman
l have only this to add, however
They who have the least charity, VIII
are the most ready to censure severe
| ly, are almost universally those who's
lives can least bear the sunlight upo
their hidden places.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04
An ANSWER WANTED.

Can any one bring a of Kidney or Liver
Complaint that Electric Bitters win not speedily
cure? We say they can not, as thousands of cases
already permanently cured and who daily rec
ommendng Electric Bitters, will prove. Bright's
Disease, Diabetes, Weak Back, or any urinary
complaint quickly cured. They purify the blood,
regulate the bowels, and act directly the diseas-
ed parts. Every bottle guaranteed. For sale at
soc bottle by H c. Pierce.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04
The w elcome.

IIark, on the crisp and frosty night
Is the wall of newborn child!
Ring loud the bells of joy and youth;
Fill the chalice to the brim
The young year came with the dawn's faint glow,
And we must welcome mm
Where are the guests? Here's Faith and Hope;
Here's Trust with shining eyes;
Here is Content in her sober gown,
Abroad in the sapphire skies!
We must drink, we must eat, and sing sweet
songs
To drown the new bon's cries!
His eyes are closed, and his ears are deaf;
But in his frozen heart
Sweet spring is nursed, and summer lies
All of his life part!
Bring out the old wine thick like blood
To make the dull veins start!
O, welcome, year, with your untried days
In the lap of Mother Earth
Wen have naught but good at your feeble hands
Until you prove your worth.
So fill the chalice to the rim
And drink to the young years birth!
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04
AN ENTERPRISING, RELIABLE HATS,

H. c. Pierce can always be relied upon, not only
to carry in stock the best of everything but to Sc
cure the Agency for such articles as have well.
known merit, and are popular with the people.
thereby sustaining the reputation of beng always en-
terprising, and ever reliable. Having secured the
Agency for the celebrated Dr. Kings New Discov-
cry for Consumption, win sell it on positivo ear
antfe 1t will surely cure any and every affection
OF Throat, Lungs, and Chest, and to show o,,r conf
dence we invite you TO cali and geta Trial E.tt,e
Free.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04
"Rromlev. Pm IN an awful humol

this morning. / had quarrel with
my wife" "I'm sorry to hear you
say that, Mr.. Darringer. But it can
be remedied, don't you think? You
have only to offer the pipe of peace,
you know" "Oh, hang your pipe,
Bromley! The whole trouble was
about a pipe" 81 didn't know you
smoked" 81 don't. 1t was the
stovepipe that smoked"
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04

A bird upon the wing may carry a
seed that shall add new species to
the vegetable family of continent
and just SO a word, thought from a
living soul. may have results inn
measurable, eternal.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04

"Now," said the bridegroom to the
bride when they returned from the honey
moon trip, s'let us have a clear under
standing before we settle down to mar
ried life; are you to be president or vice
president?' She answered / will be con-
tent with IL subordinate position" "What
is that?" ssController of the currency"
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04

HaIe,s Honey the great Cough cure, 2Se 5oe.& 7
(;Ienn,s sulphur Soap heals and beauties, 25c
German Corn 4 emover kills eons and Bunions
Ellis Hair snd whisker pye-Black and Brown, scots
Pixies Toothache Drops cure in Minute,25
Deans Rheumatic pills are sure cure, 81
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04
SENATOR EDMUND'S BIGAMY
BILL.

The bigamy bill reported by Sena-
tor Enmunds from the Judiciary com
mittee recently provides that the
lawful husband or wife of the ac-
cused may testify in prosecutions
under the United States statutes for
bigamy, polygamy and unlawful CO.
habitation that every marriage cere
mony in the territories shall be GER
titled in writing by the contracting
parties and the person performing
the ceremony, and failure to pro-
duce such a certificate in court when
required shall be punished by fine
and Imprisonment. 1t abolishes en-
tirely female suffrage in Utah; an
nuls all the Utah territory laws which
provide for numbering OF identifying
votes; provides that no illegitimate
child born in Utah after the Passage
of this act shall inherit any portion
of its fathers property; annuls all
the laws of Utah which provide that
prosecutions for adultery can only be
commenced on complaint Of husband
Oh wife; provides for the appoint
ment by the president of IA trustees
of the corporation known as the
church of jesus Christ of latter-day
saints, who shall have equal powers
with the trustees and assist the trus-
tees provided for in the laws relating
to said corporation and who, togeth-
er with other trustees, shall annually
or oftener make full report to the
secretary of the interior Of the oper-
ations of said corporation. 1t pro-
vides for the institution of suits by
the attorney general for forfeiture of
property held by corporations in vi
olation of the polygamy act of July
l, 1882. said property to he sold and
the proceeds applied to the benefit
of the public schools of the territory
in which the property may be; makes
it unlawful for the Utah legislature
to create or recognize in any way
any corporation or any association
for the purpose of bringing persons
into the territory for any purpose
whatever, and annuls all laws incOn-
sistent herewith. 1t directs the at
torney-general to bring proceedings
for the dissolution Of the Perpetual
Emigrating Fund company anl the
disposition of its property according
to law; the restricting of Utah by
the governor. secretary and United
States Judges; the punishment of
adulterators by imprisonment not
exceeding three years. and of forni-
Gators by Imprisonment not exceed
ing three months, OF by fines not ex-
ceeding 500, and grants additional
powers to the commissioners appoint
ed by courts and United States mar
shals.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04
A CIlRE ENR PIMPIES.

My face for the last few years was covered with
pimples so bad, that used to be ashamed to go
anywhere. L took two bottles of Sulphur Bitters
and the pimples disappeared. | use them every
spring.-C. X. Dow, Fal River.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04

"You don't mean to say that he
prescribed for his patient without
asking him a single question -
''Yes, he did
And did not feel his pulse?''
No"
''Why, the mans fool; he's
even worse, he's quack."
but he has the name of being a
very good doctor. He seldom loses
a case
''All luck and nothing else. He
could not doctor me-
''What kind of a doctor do you
consider him 70
"Me? l consider him a horse doc
tor, and so he is.'
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04

The remedy tAthlophoros) was recommended to
me by MIR, Warren Reed, of this city, who had
used it for severe OF sciatic rhematismt hay-
ing made a speedy cure I find the sale has grad
uaily increased. &. II. Harden, druggist, Gardin-
er, Me.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04

The pain and misery suffered by those who are
afflicted with dyspepsia are indescribable The
relief which is given by Hoods Sarsaparilla has
caused thousands be thankful tor this great med
icne 1t dispes the causes of dyspepsia, and tones
m the digestive Oh gans.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04
A "SUMMER HORSE"

The blacksmith shops at the head
of Griswold street had scarcely
opened their doors yesterday morn
ing when colored man appeared at
one of them leading an equine which
slid and walked and hobbled by turns
on the slippery snow. If horses
ever live over a hundred years this
one had passed that figure. His hair
was long, one eye was closed, and he
had SO many Jumps that it seemed
useless to look for sound leg.
"What | want to know" began
the owner after he had taken four
turns around hitching-post with
the inch rope used as halter, tam
about what it will cost to shoe dis
hoss."
1.-TWO dollars,'' was the prompt
reply.
"For de lan's sake but has iron
riz up to dat pitch I'll have to dwell
on dat for few minits.'
He dwelt. He walked around his
steed, looked him over carefully, and
then said to the smith:
''Now see hyar. If you war me
wouldn't you sort O. keep dis beast
fur a summer boss. an do your win
ter haulin' on a handsled?"
Il would"
Oats what | war finkin' bout,
and | guess I'll save him over till
April, and call myself hoss frew
up the winter. Seems like 'strava-
gance to get butes fur me an shoes
fur him all at once. Hold up dar,
Philanker-none O your pullin' up
heetchin posts round yare. DE
trOH Free Press.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04
Orleans County Munitnr,
PUBLIsHED WEEKLY BY
GEO. III. BLAKE.
BARTON, VT.

TEIIhIS.-TWO DOLLARS PER YEAR
Strictly in dduonce $I.5O. Subscribers living out
side of Orleans County must remit 10 cents extra for
postage. For convenience in remitting, will
give credit for one year and four months for co.
subscribers in the county, and one year and three
or 80 90 to subscribers without the county, when
sent strictly in ddvdnce.
Rates of Advert sing made known on apphca-
ton. Ali cuts must have metal body.
Remit by p. o. Money Order, Registered Letter, or
Draft Watch the label on your paper and notice
,ohen your subscription expires and that your pay
ments are kept in ddvdnce. When money is sent as
zoe shall give uou the credit on the label at once if tn
label is not adunnced s0iin t,oO s0eeks notify as by
postal card.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04

The innocence of the intention
abates nothing of the mischief of the
example. Robert Hall.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04

When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria,
When she was Child, she cried for Castoria,
When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria,
When she had Children, she gave them Castoria.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-01-04

sus heard this in open-mouthed as
tonishment, and when the architect
at last asked,
''What will the sidewalk commit
tee say?" answered:
''What is that to you? Don't L pay
for If 2''
Los Angeles daily herald., 1886-11-16
LOST.

IF YOU WANT A PAYING BUSINESS
i call at p G. AGENCY, 80 N. Spring.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1886-11-16
Put Up Good Men.

The recent county campaign-and
for that matter the State campaign
oo-demonstrated to a certainty that
the independent voter is like the
school l-master-abroad There was a
great deal OF scratching. This indul-
gence was mostly luxury enjoyed
by our Republican friends. The voter
in that political camp did not ap-
prove of the ticket prepared for him.
He treated it much as he would a
meal of crow. To an extent, alarm
ing to his own party at least, he
scratched on Democratic names. Let
us follow out this hint, when we come
to select city ticket. Delegate the
chronic office-seeker, the man who
has never been successful at any bus
mess of his own, to seat very far
back. Select good business men,
men OF affairs, men who have achiev-
ed success in their own undertakings.
The Republican city government has
not been a successful one by any
means. The taxpayer and the voter
generally, is ready for a revolt. Hold
out hope of genuine reform, and we
can meet the enemy and make him
ours. But, give us good men, sue
cessful business men to win on.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1886-11-16
$500 An Acre.

The price at which Sunny Slope is
sold, is over 81 100000. The acreage
is somewhat less than 1000 acres.
This is at the rate of more than $500
an acre. Sunny Slope is an excep-
tionally valuable property. 1t has a
great abundance of water which lies
within it's own boundaries and which
nothing can intervene to cut off. The
soil is the best in the world. and it
lies in the very heart OF the San Ga
briel valley, high enough up to make
it the congenial home of the citrus
fruit family, yet not inconveniently
near the mountains. With the prop
erty go the wineries, buildings, coop
erage, a great aggregation OF what we
call improvements. The price is by
no means a large one.
Probably about one-half of the area
is under cultivation, and in bearing
with one or another kind of fruit.
The sale OF Sunny Slope at $500 an
acre, should be an indication as clear
as day of what will be the value OF
lands in Los Angeles in the near fu.
ture As things are now shaping
themselves there is not an acre Of
good land, with water right, suitable
for fruit culture of any sort, which
will not very soon be selling for $3.50
to $500 an acre as raw lands, and
from $500 to $1,000 if planted to good
fruit, and in bearing. Our small
fruit farms will cost from $4,000 to
$4,000 each, and the owner will
have very handsome income for a
trifling outlay in the way of labor.
These figures will prove to be moder-
ate estimates.