The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1886-08-23


He lOdS built on the carrot 1o1incipI
aMy friends 1 has giben de subj ok Of
cyclones great deal of thought an study.
Il has bin de aim of de past foty Vars Of
my9ife to diskiver what caused an what
would cure 'em. DER seems TO be great
deal of ignerence 'mong Guild people as to
cyclones. Do you reckon de pyramids of
Egypt have anythin' to wild emf If so, you
am sadly mistaken (Agitation behind the
stove.) l have met Guild men who con-
nected Cain and Abel an cyclones all to-
gether, an dey wouldn't give in to no argy-
ment. If DER am any among you tonight,
an s'pose DER am, who believe dat Noah's
ark eber had anythin' to do wild cyclones,
you I'm of yer base" Agitation all over the
halLj
my friends" continued the orator, after
gu'ping down more water, do you S pose it
took 600 airs to make dis world? How
many pussons in dis hall tonight am posted
on de Drift per iod9 When did she begin to
drift Whar did she drift tos Suppressed
emotion.) Some pussons will tell you dat
dis world was III darkness fur 400 vars arter
It was made. Doan' you believe It'll Dey
wasn't dar. What would be de use Of all
dat darknesss What would be de good
Of itp
"How about cyclones9" called voice.
eyes sab, l was comm to dat. In the
fust place, what am a'cyclonel If dar am
any pusson IN dis hall tonight, an l s'pose
dar am, who think a cyclone an a zephyr
am one an de same thing, he has lived his
life in vain Dey amt any mo- alike dan an
old bob-taied dog am like a new pianer.
Slight evidences Of amaz ment.) l have
met puss ous who claimed that cyclones had
someth n to do wild icebergs. Bewar' of all
SIGH. Dey will swap dogs wild you an
promise to give you six bits to boot, an you
VIII nebber seq 'em no mo-. l have met
odder pussOns who claimed dat cyclones war
muffin but de restoration of lost aerial
equilibrium, an dem same pussons has bor-
rowed my jack-knife an gone off to Yurup
W out returning it. CSensatiol4
an de fust place. a cyclone has got to
have q start. If it didn't get a start it
would fool aroun' in some pastur' or swamp
until muffin was left Of it. Whateber sots de
air in sudden moshun may sot a cyclone
goin'. 1t am a leetle fel er at fust, an if it
doan' hit barn or a side hill it gathers
strength an momentum an becomes a We
hIcle of destrucKshun Bewar how you sot
a current of air in moshun, espechually If de
day be su try. No Guild man has any mo-
right TO fall off his woodshed, an thus pre-
Clip tate a cyclone dan he has TO walk into
bank an lay his hand on de money dar ex-
posed. S'posen your mule slips de halter an
runs outer de stableg He sots a current of
air in moshun. If you run arter him you
ssot anoder current goin'. What am de re-
uItl A cyclone sweeps ober hull county,
an death an destruckshun foller in its
wake. GSighs and groans)
II has no sorter doubt dat many cyclones
has bin sot in moshun in dis manner.
(Cheersl
The orator removed his collar, took an
other drink, and continued:
81 has told you what causes cyclones, an
/ win now give you a few cures When a
pusson has lame back, what does he do4
(Sensation) He has de ole woman prepar'
q mustard plaster an tie it on. Why? Be
kase it am a counter irritant A blister on
de skin will cure pain in de flesh. ZAP
plause.) De remedy fur a cyclone am a
counter irritant If one am movin' up from
the souf you must start a current down from
de norf to meet it When dey meet dar' will
be a tussel to see which am de lest cyclone
but dat am none o. our biznesS De onward
march of de fend of destruckshun will be |
stopped right dar'. How kin dis counter
current be sot in moshun9 In varus ways, |
de simplest of which am fur a dozen MEM |
bers of dis club to turn DER faces to de souf |
an make run Of half a mile.
"In conclushun, l beg to thank you fur |
your kind attenshun. L have no conneck- !
shun wild de civu sarvice or de Concord |
School of Philosophy. grasp de situashun |
ali by myself, an when has once got hold
l neber Let 60"
The orator retired amid great and contin-
ued applause, and Whalebone Howker
moved that the thanks of the club be ten
dered him. The Rev. Penstock hoped that
the motion would not prevail The cyclone
that had been advanced were an
insult TO the intelligence of the club.
Pickles Smith didn't want to do the Hon
Jumbo or any other man an injustice but
he felt compelled to say that the stranger
was eff his base He hoped the club would
not indorse any such theories.
Waydown Bebee had wrestled with the
cyclone problem ever since one OF 'em came
along and carried his mother and mule
across two counties, and it struck h.m that
the Hon Jumbo was scientifically correct
He believed in counter irritants and counter
currents, and should try several experiments
before going TO bed that night.
Shindig Watkins, Parson Davis, Trustee
PuIlhack and others discussed the matter
pro and con, and thu pres dent finally settled
Il by saying:
ave wiz neither indors him nor declar'
him lunatic. De bet way in all SIGH cases
m to strike de happy medium by takin' w
Z coIeckshun of fifty cents fur his benedt
n praisin' his flow of language. Let Us
i.cw become ad journed. Detroit Free Press