The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1886-12-10
MRS. eowsER.s TALE:
The Good Lady Tells OF Her Experiens
ON Election Day and Night.

MRS. BowSER'S TALE.
The Good Lady Tells OF Her Experienced
| ON Election Day and Night
Know Bowser? He's my husband.
Doesn't know enough to come in when
it rains. II he did he'd stay out and
get soaking wet just to oblige his polit.
zeal party.
| Bowser is passably domestic and in.
telligent except at election time. About
a week before the election he begins t.
act up. He saddles the party on hi:
back and begins to grow thin and pale
and nervous. His mind is filed with
majorities. straights, splits, slips, can
ards and candidates.
l give him Hail Columbia-I have
even kept him awake all night talking
to him-but it does little or no good
The old crank is figuring out a net gair
of 12S in the Fourth Precinct of the
Sixth ward all the time I'm talking
and when forced by exhaustion to stOf
for moment, he looks at me with glis
tening eyes, reaches out his paw anG
yells:
"Whoop! shake! 1 tell you. we've
got 'emr'
The closer it gets to election day the
more of an idiot he becomes. Strange
men come to the house. and he take:
them out into the alley for whispered
conversation, during which they nod
and gesture and chuckle and shake
paws. He Is called out of bed to stand
on the front step and mutter and num-
bic with strangers who may be mid.
night assassins for all l know. / wish
they were. wish they'd hit him with
q sand-bag and render him unconscious
until after election. He slips out nights
without asking my advice or consent,
and along towards midnight. after ]
have got the whole police force looking
for him. he comes sneaking in and con
tidentialiy whispers:
''Say. Hammer, its all fixed to run
Bilker in the Seventh ward. and his
election assures-ls grand victory al
along the liner
"YOu old idiot, but what do l care
about Bilker or your grand victory"
yell at him.
Ssh! Don't talk so loud or the OPP
position will get on to our racket"
And the way he and the rest of 'em
write communications to the papers
signed '.PrO Bono Publico." "Veritas, F"
"Workingman" and Taxpayer" is
perfectly awful. I've known Bowser
to sit down and write whole ward OF
stuff, claiming to know exactly what
allied the country, and furnishing po-
litical panaeea for it, sign it truth, "
and send it off to appear next morning
in print and scare half the country to
death. BOwser knows what ais the
country! Why, he doesn't know a
wart from stone-bruise
1t Is on election day that his vivid
fSolishness glares like an electric light
lie gets up half an hour earlier, gulps
down hasty breakfast, and rushe5 OF
to peddle tickets and challenge votes
and see to bringing out the full vote.
He doesn't 60. though, before L have
said to him:
''Bowser, you are n flat-fOOted IDIOT!
You turn with crank! You ought to
be turned cut with kangaxoos! You
well make the majority two thou
sand all around and bury the opposi-
ton out Of sightr' he exclaims, looking
Mt me in such a dreadful way that feel
shivers race up and down my spine.
At noon hear that he has bet our
house and lot on his favOrite candi-
date.
At three o'clock that he has been
pounded all to jelly.
At six that he has also bet his horse.
COW, the baby and the cook-stove on
maiOrities.
At nine that he has offered to bet me
against fifteen dollar overcoat.
At ten that he has gone to political
headquarters to stav week, and that
when some one asked after my health
he replied:
"Furs' rate-tuff's ole rhinOscerOs an
twice's ugly! 'Rah! fur ZheneIal Zhack-
sonI'
At midnight kick his Sunday plug
hat across the floor, fling his slippers
out doors and smash his pipe and go to
bed. I'll settle with Mr.. Bowser when
he comes home, and if blood is split
the law must hold me blamcless. At
noon next day he comes home in a hack,
hat smashed. pockets inside out, coat
tails torn of and a fifty dollar suit of
clothes completely gone. His hat is on
the back of his head, his eyes blood
shot, and beer stains all over his vest. l
arm myself to slaughter him. but he
begins to cry and protest:
''Shay, Hammer, go light on 'er fel
Ter! Hull ticket got cleaned out By
5000 majority, an I've come home 'er
die!"-DetroH Free Press.