The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-02-18
THE MERRY SIDE |.

The 81 ersey" cap was invented by the hang
men.
Chicago is to have Sam. Jones. She has the
smallpox now.
"Let your light shine," but don't supply ii
with "fusil oil.''
eight ten years ago.
The empty room gives the loudest echoes. The
same is true of heads.
The English sparrow combines two traits fire.
quently found in men-noise and nuisance.
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A London dispatch says "people are clamor-
ing for bread.'' Over here they are working
for it.
The money spent in investigating Democratic
cussedness, would more than run this govern
ment.
At Millersburg, Ohio, they shave the natural
gas fever" The remedy is to bore hole in the
ground.
The patent-medicine business will shortly
experience dullness, from the advent of sas-
safras tea.
some heavy grubbing," had never seen tramp
at breakfast.
Weston beat OLeary in the twenty-five hun
dred mile tramp. O'Leary paused by The way
side to drink whisky.
The statesman of the future will be the one
who provides means of telling who is elected
at general election.
The man who says "all men are dishonest =,
knows what he is talking about-and he is not
afraid to speak for himself.
Elder Cannon's harem, at Salt Lake, was
raided an all his Cannon captured. But they
were afterwards discharged.
day without a hanging, in Texas, creates a
greater sehse of dullness than the failure of a
great business house in Ohio.
George Douglass, of Washington G. H, tried
to blow his brains out by shooting himself in
the head. OF course he failed.
The English were hungry, and mobbing one
another in London, last week. The Irishman
may be shocked, but he can't cry.
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What's the use of all this expensive OUTLAY
in boring for oil? Send for the water-wizard
with the forked stick, and locate it.
Cincinnati is about to lose her Geological
Garden. Those who want to see the animals
then will have to go to the Court House. g..
IS
The list of visitors to the dinner of the Loyal
Legion in Cincinnati, reads like Kentucky
census return-all Colonies and Generals.
u;ftr- .or,o Tpd;onu ora to he oducated in
Indiana. The chiefs are doubtless pleased with
the record of some of our modern colleges.
"Ah, me !" sighed the militia Captain, on
hearing of the death Of Gen. Hancock, "but a
short time, and there will be none of us left?
1t may not be generally known that the pres
ent style of "bangs'' was introduced by "the
beautiful Circassian Lady," in the sde-show.
A Cleveland husband named Mcdonald spited
his wife-whom he had not supported for three
years-terribly, by shooting himself in the
belly.
In Pvblic-"My dear, shall we go home ?''
Eyes, darling!''
At Home-"My dear" ooh shut up, you
old foolu'
The speaker who drought tears to the eyes
OF his hearers" was highly gratified, until he
reflected that an attack of catarrh would do the
same thing.
"Prof. Reynolds" the mesmerist finds the
best subjects in 1ronton. The Register hints
that this is because the people are "brainy p
OH"
member of the Kentucky Legislature re-
fused to sit down when the Speaker ordered
him to. He hadn't heard from Columbus re-
Gently.
The Republicans have plenty of ammunition
ia fire at old man Payne, but it's too wet with
whisky, just now, to burn. Just wait a while
1t will fzzle, at least.
Clerk Dalton has begun to serve his second
term, in Hamilton bounty. A good many peo-
pie think he ought to begin first term some
where else.
Holmes county Democrat is reported as
sorrowful because he was put upon House
Committee with "niggsr" Chairman. The
"nigger" is enduring it bravely.
A Georgia farmer was bitten by a rattlesnake
poisons combined gave him hydrophobia. The
two kinds ofsnakes didn't get on well together.
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An exchange says "Dan. Dalton sometimes
dreams that he is Governor Dalton" In his
dreams perhaps the State House has bars in
the doors and windows.
An exchange says "if you don't let the boys
play euchre at home, they'll go to worse places
and play" Suppose you don't let them go.
Suppose you don't learn them TO play, and they
won't want to go.
The Louisville Courier-Journal is willing to
zee Ohio consumed by fire." This is based on
the hope that the Democratic record will be
consumed, along with the rest.
A colored man sued Keokuk, Iowa resau-
rant-keeper for ten thousand dollars, fol refus-
ing TO sell him dinner. The courts awarded
him one dollar. But that paid for his dinner
elsewhere.
John Henning, at Craw wfordsville, Ind, re-
ceived his death sentence with a SMILE" He
had heard that che laughs best who laughs
last" and this WAS about the last chance he was
to have, for laugh.
"Ah, she was a good woman, Z" said the discon-
soate widower, ''she always came up to the
scratch, in every thing" And his face bore
evidence of the truth of his assertion.
Crestline has made rapi1 strides in Temper
ance work. The Council has been petitioned
to close the doggeries after 10 O'Clock on Sunday
night. This is perhaps to give the men chance
10 get sober by Monday morning.
They arrested two men in Cincinnati for try
ing to sell spoiled meat to a sausage factory.
What's the use of that? 1t would only have
required little more pepper and garlic in the
sausage.
Cleveland's administration turned the light
upon official corruption but they didn't think
it would cause such transformation. Under
the rays of the Pan Electric the rogues all look
like Democrats.
The politician was walking in the cemetery
with friend Looking about him, he said
"Alas, how many of us lie here !" eyes," sighed
the friend, "and some lie elsewhere!" The pol