The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1886-08-13
A LITTLE NONSENSE.

1t IL whispered IN Boston that in case Ire
land obtains home rule John l. Sullivan wil.
claim descent from nn Irish king and go oyci
to Ireland to grow up with the country.
He was practical, and had been making
love on that bastA She was little that wa,
herself. aCan you cook?" he inquired
she replied It was match.
Two convicts were discovered making
counterfeit money In the Kansas state peni-
tentary. 1t is now puzzling the authorities
to decide how to punish them, as they are
already locked up; but they will probably
be liberated and sent TO the state legis-
lature
A Western paper speaks of people "of good
birth" in the city wherein 1t is published.
sSir." said DR.. johnson, .any man Is well
born who is born ut all. ."-(Boston Tran
script.
Slimkins and his young wife had Just com
pleted their first quarrel II wish l was
dead" she sobbed. Il wish I was. too" he
blubbered aThen don't wish was." she
replied. and the war continued
An unknown man stepped up to Rev. Mr..
Talmage once and said: "Well, sir. am an
evolutionist, and want to discuss the ques-
| tion with you. l am also an annihiationtst
i believe that when die that will be the
end of me-" sThank God for thao" de-
voutly calculated Mr. Tnlmage. Us he walked
of and left the man perfectly dazed
tramp recently stopped at house near
Chico and asked for something to eat sNo, "
said the proprietor, u cannot give You any
thing. l. have discharged my Chinaman and
my wife has TO do the cooking. I used to feed
tramps, but it is all my wife can do now to
cook for the family" And the tramp mourn
fully moved on, wondering to himself
whether boycottiny was good thing after
al.iChico tCal) Enterprise.
Slow are you finding business. doctor?"
was asked Of physician. Capital" he re-
piled; Il have all that can attend to-" u
didn't understand that there was much sick
ness about!" NO. there isn't; but we physi-
clans Go not depend upon sickness for an
income Oh, my, no; most Of our money is
made from people who have nothing the
matter with them
At an evening meeting held in church in
suburban town, member who had an i'm
pediment in his speech arose and spoke in
touching terms of brother who several days
previously, had committed suicide why
should he have wished to die!" said he. aHe
had no wife" Just here the impediment
stopped him, and 1t was amid tho alf-sup-
pressed tittering of the congregation that he
finally finished his sentence by adding-sor
the other side to join her"
This Is one of the curious things floating
about: Take piece of paper, and upon il
put in hSures your age in years, dropping
months. weeks and days. Multiply it by two;
then add to the result obtained the figures
1868; add two and then divide by two. Sub
tract from the result obtained the number OF
your years on earth. and see if you do not
obtain figures that you will not be likely to
forget
A Ballston merchant had singular ex-
the Othar ha1 r,ho sad
jug OF cider, put 1T in his wagon, and
started for his place of business On the
way. at a lonely spot he heard the report Of
what he took to be pistol and also some
thing whizzing past his head He thought
he was shot at, whipped mp his horse, and
on reaching home, found his Jug nearly
empty and minus it's cork.
~Did you SEQ anything that particularly
struck your fancy when you were looking
around the furniture stores to day." asked
a young Somerville husband of his lately
made wife on her return from tour OF
furniture inspection. "Yes," she replied. Il
saw something exceedingly pretty in look
observed, @f you looked into them" The
halo of calm sweet peace rests upon that
home. .-(Somerville Journal.
A singular story came from Waterford
on Thursday. A soldier on furlough was
entertained by by pair of agricultural la
borers, one of whom asked him to change
clothes with him, SO that he might
visit his sweetheart and surprise her
by appearing in military uniform. The
soldier consented and the lover departed
after donning the uniform. Having seen his
sweetheart. he subsequently returned to re-
sumo civilian gard, but the soldier could not
be found. The son of Mars had taken the
capital opportunity to desert. and he has
not since been seen.- -[Manchester England)
Examiner.
A gushing temperance lecturer, who was
divorced from his wife, took tea with fam
lily who had young son of the most frank
and inpudcnt type. During a lull in the
conversation the youth, who had heard bis
parents make comments upon the divorce OF
the lecturer from his wife, blurted out: sMr.
Comma, where's your wifey" The ques-
tion was so loudly put and SO abrupt
that the man hadn't the presence Of
mind to tell the boy he was impudent but,
flushed and coughing, he replied: AI-really
-Idon't know" 1Dvorceu, mother saws, J"
continued the odious young republican:
@Good Templar." SShoot the divorced"
shouted the son and heir; "what ef you
don't agree? Fight it out, the way father
and mother doos!"