Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-05-02
IN THE WILDs OF TEXAS.
Vanilla Jones Does Something Ex-
citing and Goes West.
How He Felt as He Slowed Away Hi
Socks---It Beats Office
Seeking.

Dear Register:
There is something exciting about the
idea of going West-the great West, the
field for fortune and fame and | might add
cattle. As you stow away your socks in
your hand bag you feel a thrill of excite
ment, you appear calm, however, and you
stuff away doughnutS and fried chicken
in a package to eat along the route; as
YOU put in your hard boiled eggs, you can
see in a poets dream, yourself, In the gor'
eeous car, doughnut in one hand and a
chicken leg in the other gazing upon the
fleeing panorama Of nature. You weep
upon the bosom of your family, neglect to
look after your creditors to bid them sad
goodbye, you quell the aching heart of
your loved ones with the words Of
Euoch Arden, Be brave lass. l will return
With the wealth of the Occident." Right
here is where the mistake comes in, You
review the gilded names that the West has
produced. You will likewise have your
name gilded, you will roll back in special
car with a diamond bigger than a goose
egg on your shirt front. It's pleasant and
mildly exciting to have such fsncies as
YOU Journey to the western empire, 1t ID as
exciting as trip to Washington in the
capacity OF an Office seeker,-sll dreams
and expectations-but coming back, get.
ting back is where you find what genuine
wholesome excitement is. Getting back
gives you the experience Of a philosopher
"a peripstetic philosopher. Sad the
change, the change that two cycles have
made Then the wandering knight would
sound his bugle before the C stle gates and
royal admittsnce was given and feast for
three days, but now the knight in his re-
turn from the Occident or Orient mounts
no gaily caprisoDe1 steed, but holds
down" q cold cast iron bumper, and II e
blows lis bugle before mansion a rlgl
ro,al welcome is given him on ohsingsug.
Alas for the days of chivalry. We are no"
ia Texas; we came by rail. Texas Is In
the southwestern part OF the Union, aud BY
consulting a geography you see a thing
which looks like a ham with spinal aztec
ton, painted pink-thst is Texas can
not tell why they usually paint it red on
the map, unless it is intended to be sym
bol;csl, and l form this idea from a re.
mark IN ade by Phil. Sheridan. Phil said
that if he owned Texas and hell, be would
sell Texas and take up residence in hell
This seems rash, however, and we will moi
attempt a move of that kind at present;
was thinking though of going TO Chicago
some day. Sheridan lives there now. By
the way the Inhabitants of this plsct
proudly call it the Chicago of Texas. Il
may be a good timile in some respects, but
the Young ladies don't sustain the reputa
tion with big feet, at least they don't veal
very large shoes, have not seen any fee
Yet.
Before arrived here was told that this
country was very fascinating, one respect
able gentleman told me that when he came
be was displessed and intended to leave
soon, "but will you believe mt" he said
such fascination took possession OF me
that could not, and in fact did not, leave
for three years" 1T certainly must be a
lovely country" l murnured, but what
was the peculiar nature of your fascination
that led to such long stsy| "Oh,
said he, II Was at first fascinated by dun
colored mule, then fascinated in the peni
Tertiary; it's great country, that The
william then left the car.
On our way through Kansas the kome
u prohibition, many an eager looking eye
scanned the immediate buildings around
toe depots for familiar sign with the word
beer" upon it. 1t appeared that it was
election day all through Kansas AT one
station where we lay for about half ar
hour, one individual with the swing Of
conquest went up town, he returned and
wended his way to the water cooler and
produced a pint bottle heavily loaded
with spirits. A man with pink
nose and anxious look approached
and said, where in the dickens
did you get that, psrd2" up town a.
a drug store" Thought this State wa:
prohibition" SAID the pink no'ed man. s.
It is, but got this for medical purposes,
he said, then related the manner by which
his feat was accomplished. He went tc
the drugstore and said to the man IL
charge: Got any good whiskeyY Yes
sill" Let me have pint" The drug
gist produced pint of whiskey and open
log q book took pen and said, I'VE only
sell liquor for medical purposes, what !;
ths nature of your disease2' "DisesseT
Yes, amt you sick2' Thunder, never
felt better" We'll. We can not sell it un
der any circumstances; sInt you afflicted
in some manner wei" unused the
man, afflicted, great Scott, yes, ] am the
worst afflicted man you ever saw" well
state YOU affliction." Il got telegram
last night from my wife. telling me that
was the father of triplets" "Ah, ah said
the druggist, abnormal paternity; take
the whisksy"
On nv way throuehthe Indian Territory
Ilearned something which may interest
marrisgable young farmers, and it ouht to be
considered by these Oklahoma boomers
who surely will get their foot into 1t, il they
continue to fool with my friend Mr.. CIeVe
laQQ' i I6hTutu lUlo IEOul JOuuS uo
who contemplates almost immediate mstrl:
mony. A person cannot settle in the In
dian Territory, which, by the way, ia com.
posed of magnificent land, nor can they
enter or stay there unless they have per-
init, but by marrying an Indian girl one
becomes q citizen of that peculiar nation
and can fence and hold as much land as
be wishes, he has nothing but a life estate
but what more has any man in property
These fellows who are inclined to mix the
races had better go there. Some of the
Indian girls Justly deserve to be called
handsome, the Cherokees for instance pos
sess many types of beauty. while the
Choctsws and 0ssges, and in fact the vast
msjority are very homely and repulsive in
appearance. was told by fellow living
in the Creek nation that he now had about
500 acres Of good land, about 600
cattle and his place well under
cultivation. He went there a.
close of the war with capital OF so ceuts
married Creek, and settled down. TIE
young man referred TO in this Indian story
will receive, with his dusky bride, fifteen
mead of cattle and two good teams of
horses and oxen, the result Of the manage