Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1886-12-06
Top Knots.
JACOB MULLER MARKETS HIS HOGS.

unobtrusive Teutons, who pays his
debts, attends to his own business, loves
his frau and her thirteen children. He
smokes his pipe in peace and drinks his
beer when he feels like it. Yacob sold
some hogs that he was to deliver at a
city that bears the name of the Queen
of the Antilles. He loaded the hogs
into sled and then turned wagon
box bottom side up over them to keep
them in. He drove up to Elmo, hitched
his team, went into the hotel where he
smoked his pipe, and drank a few
glasses of beer and got to feeling alto
gether comfortable. Now, it so hap
pened that the hogs got the end gate
out of the sled-box and went back home.
After awhile Yacob came out, mounted
mis- sled and drove on to the city. He
drove onto the scales. The weigh
master called out $50 pounds. watts
dat you say, Mister veighmaster? Mine
six pig hogs not weigh more as $50
bounds, mid the shled and altogedder
You shust dryin to sheat me. / no
sthand dat. | take mine hogs right
straight home" The weighmaster
told him TO come and look tor himself.
Yacob came around, and sure enough,
$50 pounds was all the load weighed.
II tells you vot," says Yacob, dat
scale is Won regular scheat | never
Weighs Won nudder ting on dat ole fool
scale, so help me Got in Himmel" A
bystander called out that there was no
end-gate in the sled, that the hogs had
got out.
"Ish dat sop says Yacob, SPY ter
twill! wont Katarine say, oy, Yacob, you
shust PEGS Won great pig old fool You
shust haul your hogs all de way to the
city and wen you come, den you has
nothing in your shled. Den | tells Kat
airline l have tree, four glass beer and
feels pretty goot, und dakes dem hogs
annuder time'
DEACON PARR.
Did you ever hear of Deacon Parr
and his calf? Deacon Parr is one of the
best men that ever lived. He is prompt,
energetic and reliable. Anything that
he conceives to be in the line of his duty
is sure to be attended to at the proper
time, and in the proper manner. You
will always see him IN fhiSaecustomed
seat at church, Keeping one eye, on tffG
pastor and the other on the boys. The :
Deacon is very particular about his
dress, and when he is rugged out in his
| church-goiDg outfit, he looks as if he
had just stepped out of handbook. 1t
the good Deacon has fault, or O weak
ness, it is that if his wife happens to
suggest that he has neglected any duty,
he sometimes comes mighty near get
ting out of humor. If he was not the
good Deacon that he is ne would be
mad all over. One Sunday afternoon
after the Deacon had got himself all
brushed up for the afternoon service,
his good wife reminded him that he
had not given the calf that he was rails
ing by hand its dinner. The Deacon
said that the calf might go without its
dinner. He was not going TO have his
clothes stopped over with milk. The
good lady pleaded for the calf. She
said that the poor thing would be suf-
fering, and that its bawling would be
very annoying to the neighbors. She
finally reminded the Deacon that
merciful man is merciful to his beast.
The Deacon said the calf might bawl; :
he did not consider the calf much of
beast, and if she wanted the calf fed she
might feed it, for he was not going to.
The upshot of the whole thing was that
the good lady carried her point.
The Deacon grabbed the bucket OF
milk and started for the barn. fairly
sticking his heels into the ground at ev-
cry step. Setting down the bucket of
milk, he grabbed the calf by the ears,
chugging its head into the milk up to
its eyes. The calf was strangling, and
| jerking away from the Deacon, it snort
| ed the milk all over him. The Deacon
| stepped back, and with fire in his eye,
clenched hand and gritting teeth. said
to the calf, that if it were not for the
grace of God that was in him, he would
| jerk his d-d-d-d head off. NEXT.