Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-05-19
PITH AND POINT.

a.- a n -
"NEyER too late to men" ~ - old
maid said when she sent off the vAien.
tine.-Mdcerick.
"GREEcE is after Turkey" says a
news item. Generally dyspepsia follows
turkey.-Mdrerick.
A BRIDE in Abba, Iowa, got q bottle
o fpepper sauce for a present. 1t was the
gift Of a warm friend.
ABuFFALo woman has commenced to
write a book, and her husband calls her
Charity, because charity begins q tome.
WHEN Joseph's brethren loweredhim
into the excavation by the side OF the
real he is said to have remarked: "A
pit it is. and true it is a pit, eh?'
Az exchange wants to know where
the hottest place in the United States il
located. 1t is located where you are
sweet on two girls and n Of them
finds it out.
WHEN the clergyman remarked that
there would be a nave in the church the
society was building, and old lady
whispered tina. she new the party to
whom he referred.
AGES will come and go; but woman
will not be perfectly happy until she
can have eyes attached to her shoulders,
so that she can look up to and criticize
her own back hair.-,Judge.
BEES near a distillery stay drunk all
the time and make no honey. Bees are
a good deal like men. They don't care
for honey when they can get beer
brakes Trarelers' Magazine.
PRopERTY-HoLDER--"Hey, wake up
there! / think there's a burglar in my
house." Weary officer-"Well, you've
go. gall to wake a man up out of q
sound sleep to tell him what you think. !"
Judge.
A KANSAS man is saving wood in the
navy-yard at Washington. Thus the
unexpected happens. He went there
for q post-ofiice commission and, up to
date, can only say: II came, ! saw."-
Boston Record.
PROGRESS is still skipping along,
knocking old theories topsy-turvcy and
building up new ones, but she can't
quite make out what the sex of the
chick will be till after the egg is
Matched. Chicago Ledger.
THERE is some controversy going on
as to the word "toboggaE." Several
authorities claim that it is from the
Indian. A prominent Utican of Celtic
extraction, however, insists that it is an
Irish word, and he gets at its origin
thus: Once upon a time o poor farmer
in County Cork discovered q valuable
peat bed OH the few acres he happened
to own. His fortune was soon made,
for he let the farming "slide" and went
to boggin'.- Utica Herald.
SHE WOULD.
Deep in her eyes Of bonnie blue
l saw the love-light shine;
Sweet love- softly asked. will you
Be minef"
She raised her head and breathed a sigh
Her eyes with tears were wet,
And blnshing!y she made reply.
You bet"
Boston Courier.
WHATS the cause Of people pausing
Near my house from morn till night?7
Asked the owner of a bulldog;
Are they paralyzed with fright? p
Not exactly" said q doctor,
For at present they're all right;
But they want to 60 to Paris.
And are waiting for a bite"
-Nep York Journal.
MAMMA" said a little Fifth Ward boy
~lugubriously the other day as he laid
down a volume of biographical sketches
of the Presidents. II don't believe I'll
ever be a President. I amt got the
chance. / wasn't brung up right"
why, child. you have the same chance
that other little boys have" "No 1
amt. l wasn't born in q log cabin, nor
l amt drove a team on the canal, nor
had to read a spellin'-book by the light
Of a pine knot, nor had to split rails,
nor nothin like the rest of the boys who
got there. I tell you, mother, I'm
handicapped On this Presidential bust
ness.-Elmira Gazette.
THERE was q Sunday-school teacher,
and her class was composed of a goodly
number Of average small boys. The
other Sunday the lesson was upon the
Babylonian captivity, and the teacher
had done her best in preparing the les
o so IS to attract and hold their at
tention. This is not often an easy mat
ter in some of the Old Testament
historical lessons, and so the teachers
energies were directed toward making
the story lifelike and realistic to her
young pupils. snow just suppose,
boys" she began, "that some great
army was to come here and take fathers
and mothers and you yourselves pris-
oners and carry you off to a strange
land and make you work as slaves, and
try to make you believe in their reli-
gion instead Of your own," etc. As her
vivid imagination enlarged upon the
picture she was pleased to notice that
the boys looked interested, but her
satisfaction quickly ended as one
patriotic urchin, amid the smiles of his
comrades, exclaimed. "Yessum, 'twould
he kinder rough; but there amt a ma
tion on the earth that's big enuf to do
it.-B0stOn Traveller.