Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1886-08-18
NEWSPAPER WIT.


deal of married life. Are you mar
ried ?" Merritt with q blase airy
"No, but my father is."-Judge.
"WHAT have you for SUPPER" asked
the epicurean boarder of the girl with
red hair and spit-curls: "Beefsteak
and toadstools, was the startling an
swer He ordered plain beefsteak.
"YoU can always tell bachelor by
the way he handles baby" says an
exchange. On the contrary, you can
always tell bachelor by the way he
doesn't handle a baby.-Somerville
Journal.
Mrs. WHEELER-"Don't you think
Mr.. Brown looks like Mr.. Jones? |
think they are just alike" Mrs. Green
-"Mr. Brown look like Mr.. Jones?
Why, no. Mr. Brown wifei is q blonde,
andyou know Mrs. Jones is g. perfect
brunette"
THE jury brought in verdict OF
mot guilty" His Honor said ad-
monishingly to the prisoner: CATER
this you will keep away from bad
company" eyes, Your Honor, you
will not see me here again in hurry"
Texas Siftings.
PROF. ZwEIBEER, of the University
OF Bonn, Is q very absent-minded man.
He was buslly engaged in solving some
scientific problem. The servant hasti-
ly opened the door of his studio and
announced q great family event. GA
little stranger has arrivedl' "Eh ?"
"There is little boy" 'Little boy!
Well, ask him what he wants. Texas
Siftings.
"DO you like moustache?" he ask
ed as ne sat beside her gazing at the
moon; 81 ask because there are young
ladies who say they are horrid." 81
don't know" she replied innocently,
whether like one or not. l never
had one on my lip" "OhW he ex-
claimed with q long-drawn breath;
then he drew her closer.-Boston
Courier.
"FoR what do we study ?" asked the
schoolteacher, as the class stood be-
fore him. There was silence, for most
boys can't see any use of studying,
anyhow. Then the editors little boy,
who was one OF the class, recollecting
the motto at the head of his fathers
paper, raised his hand and exclaimed:
4 know. We study to please. -
Texas Sifdngs.
GENTLEMAN-Two dollars you will
charge for carrying in that coal. Uncle
Rastus? Why, you never charged me
but 81 before. Uncle Rastus-I know
dat, boss; but labor has rig. Gentle
mani would rather carry it in my
self than pay that extra dollar. Uncle
Rastus-An right, boss. You kin give
me 81 and carry de coal in yo'self eff
YER vans far ISa satisfied
DR.. SHELBY tells good story of an
Irishman and his wife who we're both
down with the ague. AS they lived In
place remote from drug stores, he
left some quinine with them, and told
the man to mix it with whisky and
both of them to drink it. AS it did
not do any good, the doctor asked the
man if he took it according to direc-
tions. The man replied that he did,
but he took the whisky and gave her
the quinine tsville (Ala.) Mer-
curry.
AT one of the numerous election
meetings held recently in Scotland one
Of the audience, annoyed at several in
terruptions, was frequently calling
out: "Order, order, gentlemen" The
speaker, more annoyed by the loud
calls to order than the Interruptions,
paused in his address, and wanted to
know what kind of 'order" the man
wanted. The man in nowise abashed,
said: "Weel, if ye put it in that way,
as I'm coal agent, I'll tax yer order
for cart o Goals"
THERE are times when little boy
becomes g. nuisance. At g. hotel
breakfast table small boy said in a
loud voice to his parent: "Pa, what
makes you smell the eggs before you
eat them? ?" "To seeif they are good.'
but, pa, you can't see with your
nose, can your" s'For heavens sake,
boy, keep quiet. l smelt the egg to
find out if it was good" "But, pa,
what do you want to smell the egg
for? Can't you tell by tastin' it if it
amt good ?''-Texas Siftings.
A MUSICIAN boarding at an up town
hotel suddenly disappeared, and an
acQuaint came to see the proprie-
tor about him. sHe was quite mu-
stefan, understand" said the inquir-
er after some preliminary talk. ooh,
yes," readily assented the proprietor.
ssDid he play well?" ssYou bet he did.
He played the piano, and the cornet,
1AO UAC c1A1AA 1AC OcA.O3 csAAO 1AC
and the clerks, and went away owing
a board bill of $3.50. That's the
kind ola player he was, confound him. %
AN Edinburgh Presbyterian minister
on one occasion, happening to visit a
resident of his parish, asked what
church he was in the habit of attend
ing. The man answered that he had
belonged to g. certain congregation,
but that he and others could not as
s5nt to certain views which were &C.
copied by the majority, and they had
therefore formed secession "Then
you worship with those friends ?"
"Well, no; the fact is, I found that
there were certain points on which l
could not conform, so / seeded"
sob, then / suppose you and your wife
engage in devotion together at home ?"
"Well, not precisely. Our views are
not quite in accord, 80 she worships in
hat corner of the room and in this"
CHICAGO Living Church.