The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1886-07-31
Mark Twain's Watch.
GALAXY.

had come TO believe it infallible in its
judgments about the time of day, and
to consider its constitution and its anat-
omy imperishable. But at last, one
night, l let it run down. l grieved
about it as if it were recognized mes
senger and forerunner of calamity. But
l cheered up, set the watch
by guess, and commanded my bodings
and superstitions to depart. Next day
I stepped into the chief jewellers to set
it by the exact time, and the head of the
establishment took it out of my hand
and proceeded to set it for me. Then
he said, She is four minutes slow-reg
ulator wants pushing up tried to
stop him-tried to make him understand
that the watch kept perfect time. But
no; all this human cabbage could see
was that the watch was four minutes
slow, and the regulator must be pushed
up little; and SO, while l danced
around him in anguish, and beseeched
him to let the watch alone, he calmly
and cruelty did the shameful deed. My
watch began to gain. 1t gained faster
day by day. Within the week it sicken-
ed to raging fever, and its pulse went
up to hundred and fifty in the shade.
At the end of two months it had left all
the time e-pieces of the town far in the
rear, and was a fraction over thirteen
days ahead of the almanac. 1t was
away into November enjoying the snow,
while the October leaves were still turn
ing. 1t hurried up house-rent, bills
payable, and such things, in such ruin
Gus way, that l could not abide it. l
took it to the watch maker to be regu-
lated. He asked me if / had ever had
it repaired. I said no; it had never
needed any repairing. He looked
look of vicious happiness, and eagerly
pried the watch open, then put small
dice-box into his eye and peeled into
its machinery. He said it wanted clean
ing and oiling, besides regulating
come in week. After being cleaned
and oiled and regulated, my watch
slowed down to that degree that it tick
ed like a tolling bell. l began to be
left by trains, l failed all appointments.
1 got to missing my dinner; my watch
strung out three days grace to four and
let me go to protest; l gradually drift
ed back into yesterday, then day before,
then into last week, and by-and-by the
comprehension came upon me that all
solitary and alone I was lingering along
in week before last, and the world was
out of sight. l seemed to detect in my
self a sort of sneaking fellow-feeling for
the mummy in the museum, and de-
sire to swap news with him. l went to
to matchmaker again. He took the
watch all to pieces while waited, and
then said the barrel was 'swelled.' He
said he could reduce it in three days.
After this, the watch averaged we'll, but
nothing more. For half day 1t would
20 NM .llo- ~. -.--.--.--.r, ---si ,.-~r -
such barking and wheeling and whoop-
ing and sneezing and snorting, that L
could not hear myself think for the dis
turbance; and as long as it held out
there was not watch in the land that
stood any chance against it. But the
rest of the day it would keep on slow
ing down and fooling along until all the
clocks it had left behind caughtup again
So at last, at the end of twenty-four
hours, it would trot up to the judges
stand all right and just on time. 1t
would show fair and square average,
and no man could say it had done more
or less than its duty. But a correct
average is only mild virtue in watch,
and | took this instrument to another
matchmaker. He said the klngbolt was
broken. said l was glad it was moth
ing more serious. To tell the plain
truth, had no idea what the kingbolt
was, but what the watch gained in one
way it lost in another. 1t would run
awhile and then stop awhile, and then
run awhile again, and so on, using Its
own discretion about the intervals. And
everv time it went off it kicked back
like musket. 1 padded my breast fol
few days, but finally took the watch
TO another matchmaker. He picked II
all to pieces, and turned the ruin over
and over under his glass; and then he
said there appeared to be something the
matter with the hair-trigger. He tlXeo
if. and gave it fresh start. 1t did wei
now, except that always at ten minutes
to ten the hands would shut togethel
like pair of scissors, and from tina
time forth they would travel together
The oldest man in the world could no
make head or tail of the time of day BY
such a watch, and SO I went again tt
have the thing repaired. This person
said that the crystal had got bent, ant
that the handspring was not straight
He also remarked that part of the work
needed half-soling. He made thes'
things all right, and then my timeplec
performed unexceptionably, save tha
now and then, after working alon
quietly for nearly eight hours, every
thing inside would let go all of a sudde
| and begin to buzz like bee, and tn
hands would straightway begin to spl
round and round so fast that their If
dividuality was lost completely, an
they simply seemed a delicate spider
web over the face of the watch. Sh
would reel off the next twenty-tour houl
in six or seven minutes, and then sto
with bang. Invent with heavy hea
| 20 one more matchmaker, and locke
on while he took her to pieces. lhe
I prepared to cross-question him rlglt
| ", for this question was getting serlou
| The watch had cost two hundred dolla
originally, and 1 seemed to have pal
out two or three thousand for repair
While waited and looked on, | pre-
emily recognized in this matchmaker q
old acquaintance-ast steamboat engine
of other days, and not a good engine
either. He examined all the parts car
fully Just as the other watchmakers hs
done, and then delivered his verdi
with the same confidence of manner.
| He said:
sShe makes too much steam-y'
want to hang the monkey-wrench
the safety-valve i
| +La eDOf onH h