Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-08-23

1t is curious fact that whenever a
British Parliament gets into hot water it
is sure to dissolve.
An English angler explains his devo-
ton to the sport by saying that it is ''the
only amusement the fishes ever have
A coIored woman was heard informi ing
a neighbor that the storm the night be-
fore frightened her so she "shook like an
ashpan.''
A pious old lady recently sent as we'd
ding presents pair of flatirons, rolling
reading "Fight on"
number of Philadelphia ladies have
formed an association to do mending for
bachelors. 1t is conjectured that they
''Sew" that they may ''reap."
What is more pathetic than to see the
simple faith with which a bald headed
man will buy an infallible hair restorative
from bald-headed barber.
Mrs. Dusenberry-Now just look at
those flannels. If anything will shrink
more from washing I'd like to know what
it is. Mr.. Dusenberry-A boy will my
dear
''That young Bilkins is irrepressible, -
exclaimed old Hotshot, referring to
Maud's young man; she positively won't
be sat down upon" 'Oh, yes, he will, y
won't"
A little fellow, between three and four
years OF age, was asked what his kitty
| did in fight between her and dog.
| We'll" said he, she bumped up her back
as high as she could, she made her tail
as big as she could, and then she blew
her nose in his face
1t is told of in Washington that after a
| certain senator, noted for his absent
mindedness, came to this city for a short
visit, this memorandum was found in his
room: ''Things to take along: One pair
of socks, one shirt, three collars. one pair
of cuffs, one wife,
At a recent meeting of Texas editors
the proprietor of a brewery sent written
invitation to them to come over and in
spect his establishment. Ten seconds
after it was read light dust might have
been seen settling down on the empty
chairs in the hall-if there had been any
body there to see it.
At one of the recent school eXamina-
tions the scholars of the intermediate
grade were required in physiology to To-
cate the liver. Evidently they knew, fol
the answer of one girl was this: ''The
liver is situated south of the stomach and
little to the right of it." The question
is, ought she to be marked down on it.
Well, how did you like the sermon
Sunday?" one lady asked another on the
pavement recently. "The sermon?'
eyes; you were at church, weren't you?'
"Well then, how did you like the SER
mon?" 81 didn't hear any sermon; 1 be
long to the choir was the self satisfied
rejoinder.
1t was remarked at theater irh New
York recently: ''What lot of married
people there are here tonight" ''Hou
can you tell they are married?" was tn.
query. Don't you see?" was the an
swer. "The men don't do any talking
and there's hardly a corsage boque
among the women
"What kept you out so late last night
Harry?" asked young and thoughtful
wife of her husband. ''That confoundet
night-latch darling. l couldn't find tn,
keyhole," he responded with confidence
"Oh, you poor dear!" she said innocentl1
sI'll have the man come and fix it thi:
very day." 1t is needless to remark her,
that she was very young and inexpe
rienced wife indeed.
A husband who had been out shooting
but had not been successful, rather thar
to return empty-handed, stepped into
shop and purchased hare. ''There my
ducky," he said to his wife on reachins
, home, "you see am not so awkward
: with the gun after ALL" sLet me see.
'tIsnt he fine fellow?" "My dear,
said the wife, as she carried the hare t.
, her nostrils, and put it down with
grimace, ''you were right in killing hin
to-day; tomorrow it would have beei
: too late"