Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1886-10-28
WIT AND HUMoR.

0LudCeuT puOtOSTdpn6T- Les, SIG ls
quite charming woman. By the way,
tive of her the other day?' Friend who
knows him-"Well, by love, I don't
blame her. "-Haytfort Post
A Chicago man, recently back from
Europe, was asked what he thought of
the scenery in Switzerland. 81 don't
think much of it," he said; ''it's too
billy. Give me Illinois for scenery every
time. "-IndiGndpolis Journal.
A newly-converted reporter thus
notices minstrel troupe: 'tFor those
who do not consider it a sin to witness
minstrel shows this entertainment win
furnish a pleasant relaxation from re-
viVal meetings. "-KttnkepS ReUiesc.
'I am sorry wasn't at your fathers
funeral, Miss Mollie.'' ''Faith, and YOU
didn't miss much. 1t was very quiet
Beer at the wake and only one band at
the cemetery. You know father always
detested any ceremony like. Puck.
There is q man % years old living in
Athens who purchased his first pair of
shoes Friday. This is long time to go
barefooted, but it must be considered
that the man has been shoemaker
during this time Columbus (GG.) En-
| Quirer.
Rusticus "Waiter, 1 hear that tips
are very popular in these here city eat
ing-houses?" Water Gn expectancy)-
"Yes, sab, they is, sah." Rusticus-
"WelL, you may bring me plate of
'em. Durn'd if don't go the whole
businessr'- Bits.
Summer boarder-''You have re-
markably fine lot of chickens, see."
Farmer-"Yes, and, Mr.. SPHINX, you
may not believe it, but those chickens
seldom die. Why, whenever we want
one to eat we generally have to 60 out
and kill it, ,"-ITd-BitS.
Hardacre was wearily watching a.
most villainously poor game of base
ball. What clubs are theyP" he asked.
'They are picked nines," replied a
scorer. .Then," said the suffering
spectator, ''they were picked before
they were ripe. VI Brooklyn Eagle.
At Hotel Bungtown-on-the-Sea =
Colored chambermaid to lady Just ar
rived: ''Yes'm, we've been 'spectin'
you. Yore rooms ready, an all you's
plumbers dispacked an ranged. Bed
aired? Yes'n, seed to dat. slep' in
it fur de las free nights myself. It'd
BITS
She-"John, why do you spend so
much time at the ball gamesP 1 hear
of your, being there every time they
time and money!" He-"Heavens,
Alicia, don't you want me to have some
sort of standing in the business world?" !;
-Ivd-Btts.
Customer-"Was that carbonate of
urN1o
ago?" Drug clerk Cooking at bottle)
why, no; how stupid of me! 1t was
strychnine. I'll change the bottle back
again. and hope the mistake will not
occur again. Good-day, sir. r."-Phila-
dekphiG Item.
Audi alteram spartem-''Constant |
Reader is quite right in thinking that |
something may be said on both sides; |
AT last advices his communication was |
slumbering sweetly among the rejected |
poems that crowd our waste basket
Boston transcript.
Extract from young Newport swell's |
note to a friend: Sorry Can't bee in |
troduced two Your sister This afternoon,
mi Valett left mi Three o'clock Suit in |
new York an kouldent Go out in a |
SuCChCo olllL 1uOu. SOTEK. 1
Faithfully yours, Algernon BERTHE Silly.''
-Neto York Mail.
The water carts of Lowell are decora-
ted with patent medicine advertise
ments. An innocent Irishman from the |
rural districts looked at one the other |
day and remarked: Faith, it's no |
wonder Lowell is healthy whin they
wather the streets with IS Sarsa-
parIlla. ."-LoaCettsE'tizen.
Bebe is given two oranges because
her mother, don't be greedy. Give
Bebe, with very good grace, holds out
the fruit to her brother. You may
choose" said she, "but don't take the
biggest one. Paris Figaro.
There is much discussion as to the }
propriety of putting "boodle" into tEe
dictionary. As it would have to come
under the head of B, and consequently
after Alderman, and as it is we'll known
it would, we think, look very much ont
of place. = Yo'skers Statesman.
Eastern drummer Ito st. Louis mer-
chanD-'That was n pretty bad failure
of Isaac Stein?" Merchant-'PadP
Veil. you vas right it vas. Itvas de
worst failure of de season. His CREDIT
ors made him bay seYenty-five cents on
de dollar. 1t is peter to stay in pees-
ness as to fail like dot. Pack.
The Buffalo Courier claims that the
word programme is mlsspelled when
given in this shape, program. Yet
we see the Courier uses the word tele-
gramme in similar shape-viz.: ''tele-
gram" Also diagramme and mono
gramme and others. Will the Courier
please explain the Discrimination
Elnlira advertiser.
s'Here's a story about coin which
man marked with his initials coming
back to him after an absence of twenty
three years. Queer, wasn't it?' 20,
don't know, Bromley. Ipassed coin
in a bazaar at Constantinople thirty
years ago and" at came back to
you 1.-The same afternoon, Brom-
ley. It was a counterfeit. ."-Fhitadel-
phiG Call.
May to Flora (both daughters of law
yers1-"O, Flora! have Just received
loYe-letter from my Charlie, and papa
forbids the correspondence, and l do
want So much to Keep his letter. so what
shall do to keep papa from getting it?"
FAOAN UhJB nA0ts huO IL tuc SftlcSb
to put such secrets in my fathers law
books. They are never disturbed there"
. Washington Critic.
Man Ito friend)-.'You didn't seem
TO treat that gentleman with politeness.
Friend-T spoke rather roughly, I adj
NIT. Man-"You have changed to-
ward him. The other day saw you
cordially shaking hands with him"
he owed me then, but he