The Brookhaven leader., 1886-02-18
RUNNING A FURNACE.
How Mr.. Jones Managed to Keep Wars
while His Family shlvered.

Whle Ills Famiiy SnlVered'
There are few things if this world so
easy as running a furnace.
That is what Jones thought when he
put his in last fall, though, to tell the
truth, the opinion was not original
with Jones. 1t was suggested to Jones
in the first place by the man who sold
the furnace, but Jones received the
opinion as a sort OF chrome thrown in
with the furnace, and utilized it as
though it were his own property, as in.
deed it was.
TIE first time that Jones attempted to
build fire in his new furnace, he ste
ceeded admirably in making a roaring
blaze with the kindlings, in blackening
his hands and face and transmitting
himself into the senlblance of q burnt
cork serenader of the Megatllerium or
Senegambian variety, and in driving
the family incontinently from the house
by that peculiarly pungent odor which
is sent forth by heated stove-polish fresh
from the shop; but he was not so sue
cessful in accomplishing fire.
The kindlings behaved in a most
praiseworthy manner. allowing them
selves to be constituted to the pttermost
splinter, but they failed miserably in
transferring their warmth to the coal
which Jones had very literally shoveled
atop Of thefti, In fact, when the flames
had finished the kindlngs, they appeared
to have considered their part of the cof;-
tract completed, and unceremoniously
went about their business elsewhere.
Then Jones proceeded to fill his hair
and cover his clothing with dust by
means Of the shaker, which the dealer
had assured Jones could be operated
without raising sufficient dust to soil
lady's pocket-handkerchief Unfortun-
ately, Jones did not have lady pocket
handkerchief with him at the time, or
he would, perhaps, have demonstrated
to the world that whereas this shaker
might be somewhat careless in regard to
the person and clothing of great horrid
man, it was eminently punctilious in its
regard for the pocket-handkerchief OF
the fair sex.
But, however it might have been with
the suppostitiOus handkerchief afore-
said, there could be no doubt about
| the possibilities of that shaker in the
dust-raisihg line so far as Jones and
his environment were concerned. The
dust not only covered his exterior, but
his ears and nose and mouth were
| crowded with it, His teeth were as
| full Of grit as a game cock, and at
| every inhalation the carboniferous de-
| posts in his lungs grew more dense.
Jones got the thing cleaned out at
last, but his natural beauty was not inn
proved by the experience. He had
perspired plentifully, what with the
heat of his own eXertions added to
the artificial heat which the kindlings
had created in the furnace (not to
speak Of the temperature his temper had
acquired by this time), and the dirty
streams which constantly flowed adown
his face on to his linen did not add to
the cleanliness of his appearance.
Then he filled her up again and
touched her Off 1t was all right this
| time. and in less than half-hOdr every
window in the house had to be opened
to prevent its occupants from slow but
certain cremation. But that was not
the fault of the furnace. 1t was all
owing to the weather being so unseason-
ably warm. ''Wait until we have cold
day." said Jones.
Well, next day it was cold enough to
suit an arctic adventurer.
Now" said Jones, "well show EN-
how to keep warmr' And as he shov-
eled in the coal-it is remarkable how
much coal furnace can get away with
when its appetite is all right-he
chuckled to himself as he thought how
snug and warm he should be, while
Thompson's folks, across the way,
would be shivering like slack sail in
gale of wind.
By this time Jones had roaring
fire. ''That'll do, he said, with glow
of satisfaction irradiating his features:
.that'll do" Then he went upstairs,
to find Mrs. Jones and the children hud-
died about the register. looking more
like the family of Harry Gill of chatter
ing memory, than the wife and OIL
spring of John Jones, owner Of new
and improved furnace.
And they continued to chatter, not
wthstandng Jones did little else all day
long than to pile the anthracite into the
greedy maw of that furnace. He opened
the cold-air box, he shut the cold-air
box, he shut this damper and opened that
check draft; Heaven knows what he
didn't do. But it was no use. The at
mosphere above the cellar floor was
arctic, and his wife and children were
not happy-not so happy, perhaps, as
the Thompsons, across the way, who
circled about their red-faced stove, and
quite forgot to shiver; nor so comfort
able as the sparrows on the chimney
top, for there seemed to be no lack OF
heat there-else why should all the spar
rows in the neighborhood perch thereon,
as about a family hearthP
The weather began to moderate that
night; then the furnace, to show that 1t
could be versatile as well as the weather,
began to send up fervent breath
through the registers, and by the time
the mercury outside had risen to sixty
degrees or thercabouts, the temperature
in the Jones domicile was climbing up
among the eighties. Up go the windows
again.
Jones still thinks that it is easy enough
to run furnace. but ifyou want to know
how to run it so as to have cool house
on a warm day, and warm house when
the weather is cold, you must ask some
body with more experience than he pos
sesSes.
P. S.-Jones has a new and improved
furnace which he will sell cheap for
cash.-BOston Transcript.
-"Old man Pennybunker has mar
ried again" "You don't tell me so."