Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-03-08
Some Peculiar People.

The lngubrlous man. He is happy
only when he is miserable But then,
he is almost always miserable Come
what may, he can find something
troublesome in it. When the rain laws
the annoying dust for other people it
makes miserable mud for him, and
when the sunshine dries the vexing mud
for others it makes tormenting dust for
him. In his life every silver lining has
its cloud. If by any chance there comes
a time when there is nothing to mourn
for he sends out his Imagination to find
something. If the weather is Just as he
wishes it to be he sets himself to think
ing on what it will be next August and
works himself into what is vulgarly
called sweat In one way or another
he is in sweat most of the time. When
he has no troubles of his own he shoul-
ders some of those which his neighbors
ought to have. He mourns to see Jones
eating hard-boiled eggs year after year
in utter Inconsistencies that he is ru-
lining his digestion. 1t grieves him to
know that Smith keeps right on riding
a bicycle after he has been warned time
and again of the dreadful consequences
of a ''header''; and it tears his very soul
to see Robinson persist in wearing q
plug hat without an airhole in it, when
it has been demonstrated so very clear
ly that this sort of thing has been known
to produce badness. The lugubrious
man is not pleasing person to have
around, but after all he serves a pur-
pose. If he absorbs all the sadness of
his neighborhood he leaves the rest of
the people comparatively free to enjoy
themselves as they go.
The funny man. He isn't funny, but
that is not his fault. He tries hard
enough. He seems to think the aim of
all proper life is to make people laugh
at him; and sometimes he accomplishes
this. Most of the people, however,
laugh at him when he is not around.
You will find him wherever there is a
crowd. No matter what the object of
the assemblage may be, he is there with
his joke. He sits at the barber-shop
awaiting his turn and tells the barber
to be careful not to dull his razor on his
friends check. This being a joke he
laughs at it. How would anybody know
it was funny if nobody laughed at it?
Presently his turn comes and he tells
the barber that he will make no charge
for letting him hone his razor on his
cheek. Nobody laughs, and he ven-
lures the explanatory remark that a
razor may be honed on his adamantine
cheek. Still nobody laughs-that is,
nobody but himself, and that is sub
stantially nobody. If you don't find
him in the barber-shop look out for him
in the railroad car. When the brake
man announces that "this train will not
stop between Riverside and Downer's S
Grove the funny man shouts: WHO
said it would?' This makes him laugh
all over, but the brakeman and the other
passengers look tired, and travel-worn,
and sorry they didn't get off at the last
station. The funny man is also epi-
demic at social gatherings. He likes
social gatherings, because there people
have to laugh at his remarks whether
they want to or not. 1t is one of the
drawbacks of a social gathering that
everybody has to pretend to enjoy every
thing about it, even to the funny man
1t the funny man and the lugubrious
man could be tied together by the heels
and flung over a clothes-line society
would try very hard to accept the sitaa-
ton philosophieally and with due resig-
nation Chicago Neocs.