Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1886-08-13

the peoples money
II the women do it, why can't we inel
wear Our collars half down to our waists
this weather?
Nine one-lcgged men played a game o
base ball against nine one-armed men il
southern Dakota. The umpire escaped
\ despatch says that the Concord Schuo
of Philosophy Is now discussing Greece
1t undoubtedly does, At its boarding hous,
every morning.
When merchant sells out "regardles,
of cost he has reference to what it cost.
the purchaser
All men are grasping in hot weather-a
straws.
a exchange says that 4 great many her
mits nave been discovered in Pennsyl
vania. That's always the case about tau
collecting time.
1t is suggested that poetic licenses be
issued only at 500 each. If this were the
case, most poets would have to give a
mortgage on eternity.
These are dog days, but they aren't 50
doggy as they were.
Our washerwoman advertiscs TO do
"pain ironing" She succeeds. Nobody
who gazes upon the stains can doubt it.
Many exchanges: "Hello, Hartford,
Conn. You are entitled to celebrate your
25Oth anniversary this year"
Hartford "Shh-don't mention it ~
Kaiser Wilhelm has accepted the god
/ Partnership of the 18th son OF "a butcher,
/ Wilhelm evidently believes in free meat.
I keely, the motor man, was formerly a
hotel waiter He now accepts fees from
his stockholders.
/ \ Montana man saw Il serpent 80 feet
long, gliding through the grass. He must
have let that whiskey get little too ripe.
"I,rigate me .' is what they say to It
Rhode Island druggist who Is too short.
sighted to notice a wink.
| Mary Anderson announces that she is
Is Years old. Newspaper men will do
well to paste this item on their scissors. as
Miss Anderson will not grow any older
for the next IL years.
a California man committed suicide be
cause he had wart on his nose. He
and wlskey.
We are sorry to learn that our valuable
contemporary. the Congressional Rccord,
is to be suspended Lack of subscribers
is supposed to be the cause.
Jay Gould denies the report that sharks
III the North river nod to him as he passes
by in his yacht.-NelO Harcn NcicS.
The Talk of the Day. 1t is suggested
that Baron xxx would be good title
for Mr.. Gladstone's new peer, Sir Michael
Bass.-N. Y. Tribune
Does a native of Poland who goes to
Boston become Il bean-Pole. -Merchdnt
Tr0CCllCr
There is place in PENNSYLVANIA called
Economy. 1t is not 4 summer resort
baltimore american.
y French Duel First Duellst-"Come,
choose your weapons Second Duellst-
"ludiau clubs, at 100 PAGES" FIRST Duel
Iist (savagely) Very well you'll find
I'll not finch from this bloody encounter.
At : in the morning, then. "-Ttd-BitS
Whenever the finishing touches are be
ing put upon an important building, be
fore it i, opened to the public, there is
always IAN army of painters and decora-
tors at work on it, You never knew of
anything smaller than IAN army" to be
thus employed BOSton POST
Keeper Stand back there, gents .
That monkey Is vicious and might claw
. Spu lIt / W IlIlGtI-- AN no rear, ltan
boy. The beggah won't claw me- Keep
er-"l don't believe he will. Them mon
keys are very peaceful with their own
kind. PhUddciphi0 CdU.
The editor Of an exchange announces
that a new metal has been discovered He
must have seen a gold dollar for the first
time.-NclC HUrcH NcWS
/ 1t is well to bear in mind AT this season
OF the year, that If You throw the banana
4. IL
may throw you on the sidewalk Turn
about is fair play.-Puck.
Some one suggests that the base bali
clubs should offer their services to defend
the United States against Mexico. That
would never do. Every man of them
would be going in for a home run as soon
AS he was in position Boston Post.
The news that Vassar girls don't marry
because they don't like baby talk, ought
to suggest remedy for their single mis-
cry. a woman might be so highly edu-
Gated that her baby would talk Greek. -
Philddelphia NclcS.
"A granddaughter of the late Thomas
Jefferson has been discharged from the
patent office in Washington 1t is evident
that her distinguished ancestor has no
longer any influence with this adminlstra-
tion.-LOlcCll Citizen.
New York Precocity-His honor-"Have
you ever been arrested before, little boy :"
Infant otfender-"I've had trouble, yer
honor, wild desc here cops ever since was
mere child"-TcrdS Siftings.
\ constable from town in Middlesex
county started for Haddam few days
ago having prisoner in the buggy with
him, While going the couple partook of
whiskey several times, and when they
got to the Jail each insisted that the other
was bringing him to Jail. They were so
drunk that the jailer was unable to tell
which was the officer, and they were both
locked up until they Were sober enough
to permit an Identification. - Hartford
COuTuHt.
correspondent Of the Burlington
FREE PRESS would like to know what
wealth is. Opinions differ To Mr. j.
Lawrence sullivan it is 10 bottles of Bass
and case of wine; to a Chicago anarch-
list, a perennial spring of beer to an al
derman of the old school, proposal of
capitalists to build railroad. and to the
gentleman who tried to solve the riddle
for his correspondent it is, so he says, an
unknown quantity with no chance of get
ting enough OF the first letters of the
I alUNl..