The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1886-10-05
UMBRELLA FIENDS.
lclosYNcRASIES OF WELL KNOWN
NUISANCES.

~ Mans Charncter SHOWN by the way
He Carries His UmbreIia-The Obnox-
ious and Dangerous "Jabber"-Sweu,
Granger and Fat Man.
man often shows his character by the
way he carries his umbrella If he is absent
minded he will lug it by the top of the handle
careless of whether il is folded or Tapping,
and indifferent if it trails behind him upon
the pavement. He may be bustling, hurry
ing, in high spirits, and if so he frequently
twirls his umbrella in circles from the wrist
he spins down the street. If he is fat he
uses his umbrella a cane or parasoI; if he
Is a clergyman he carries it Imply before
him; if he is angry he grabs it by the handle
as if it a clubs and if he is a dude he
pokes the ferule i'll front of him until it
strikes the pavement, and as he passes on
twitches it forward again.
One of the most familiar of the umbrella
carrying species is the ''jabbern or ''shover."
He Iugs his parachute under his arm, with
the ferule straight out behind and the handle
rigid in front. He pokes Off more hats, in
dents more stomachs, gouges more ribs and
jabs more spines rs he walks along than one
could shake a stick at in a week. He never
stops to see who he has punched. Not he.
With his lips compressed as tightly as the lid
of an iron chest, he goes on, frowning, bump
ing into passers-by, and with an air that
seems to say: IF you don't get out of the
way you'll be hurt He is generally old and
thin, but sometimes he has not reached mid
die age. The public abhors him, and he is a
nuisance that Ko-Ko most inexcusably
omitted from his famous list.
THE MILITARY SWELL.
The heavy military swell is another inter
esting umbrella carrier. His chest sticks out
like pouter pigeons, his new plug hat
glistens like Day & Martins backing His
Ii
highest, his mustache the waxiest and his
glare the most ferocious seen on the promo
made. He carries the umbrella by his side n
good deal as if it Were a sword, sticking
closely to his portly figure 1t is n soldierly
act. Even his traducers couldn't deny that.
Behold him, with his dandy parasol at an
angle of forty-five degrees, close to his ribs,
as he strides along in true military step, the
admiration and envy of every helmeted
policeman on the beat and the butt for
vulgar jokes from every barefooted passing
newsboy.
Then there is the countryman from way
back, who Tugs his venerable rain-distributor
with him when he goes over to Ridgeway
park. See him on the boat! His back is
toward us, and his ancient, faded, blue para
chute is outlined beside him. He carries it
like a hoe and a hoe that he doesn't care much
about Its crcases are worn by weather, its
handle painted, but the paint has worn
Off. He is an emblem of the haySeed re-
giOns, and 50 is his parasol, which he clings to
with a grip like the grip of destiny. He may
not lug his umbrella with much grace, but
when he gets to Ridgeway park it will lie
there with him; and, no matter how many
times he saves his life" with the island beer,
he will hang on to his rain protector, and 60
back with it to his home among the corn
patches and wheat fields.
THE VERY FAT MAN.
1t is rare thing for the very fat man to
use his umbrella except rs paraSol. 1t wards
off the suns scorching summer rays from his
round and perspiring countenance With his
pudgy hand he grasps the handle and carries
the parachute over his crown, while his sum
mer vest flaps to and fro, and the entire area
of his person is coursed by little rills that run
into his shoes He enjoys his umbrella more
than most people. As general thing his
mouth Is open, his brow is moist, his feet
come down the trembling earth like
piledrivers as he moves on with majestic step,
and his manner of breathing resembles that
of the porpoise when that fish comes to the
top of the briny pillows to blow.
The Norfolk jacketed young man from the
cities, who carries his umbrella with him on
the seashore, is a noticeable specimen of the
genus of umbrella carriers. The rim of his
straw hat Is as stiff as the bow of rich man
to a poor relation, and his attire is faultless
foT is he not a "gilded" youth. His black silk
umbrella is wrapped small and so tightly
that it looks Ike Cambridge walking stick
He carries it daintily and negligently in front
of him. as he saunters by the sad sea waves,
watching the witching Sambols of the maidens
in the surf. He is harmless; so is his para
chute. Neither of them are intended for USE
and both make a combination that doesn't
look at all out of place on the golden sands of
tho sounding shore, when Augustus sun scars
ambitiously. Philadelphia News