News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-12-30
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
GRO. GARDNER SPEAKS or A MAN As
HE FINDS nm,
Interesting PrOceedings-A Fine RemittedS
PenstOolS Set Backs
From the Detroit Free Press.1

| behind IN his dues. 1t kin not be SAID
of Arbustus dat he was either q states
man, poet, philosopher, philanthropist
or scholar. He was simply an cherry
day man, who did not shrink endwise
when he got wet.
Gas citizen of de United Stats he
did not go braggin' aroun' about our
bein' de greatest nashun on airth, but
he had hickory club laid away fur any
country which might knock de chip off
our shoulder.
GAS an elector, he went to de polls
ebery time dar' was a chance to vote,
an sometimes when der wasn't, an if
he split his ticket it was bekase he was
deeply interested in de matter of honest
| guv'ment.
GAS laborer he was worthy of his
hire. When he wasn't workIn' he was
thinkin' fur the benefit of his boss. If
de boss didn't know dis it was his own
fault.
GAS a naybur, he nebber borrowed
coffee an sugar w'dout maxim a mark
on de tin cup, SO he could return good
measure.
Gas a member of the community in
which he dwelt he upheld de law in de
daytime an stole watermelyons under
klver of darkness, thereby settn' a.
| good example fur de young.
Gas church member he prayed soft
an low, an he was half line behind
all de rest in de singin'. In case he
happened to be cotched wild ham be-
longing to somebody else no retleckshuns
| could be cast on de church.
GAS husband he bossed de cabin,
an as father he brung his chill'en up
to fear de law an respect ole aige.
"We shall hang the usual emblem of
mournin' on de outer doah, an we shall
feel bit sorry dat a fair to medium
man has passed away. Dat will be all.
We shan't pass no resolushuns to send
to his wife, who knOwed him better dan
anybody else, nor will we claim dat our
heartfelt sympathies goes out fur de
chill'en, who am probably no better dan
anybody else's. 1t am 'nulf fur us dat
we kin say Arbustus was up to the aiv-
erage, an dat death could have tooken
a wusser man an not half tried"
WILL GO TO HALIFAX.
A communication signed by forty-one
leading citizens of Halifax was read by
the Secretary. They desired the estab.
lishment of branch club at that place,
and petitioned that Giveadam Jones be
sent down to found the organization and
put it in good shape Over sixty color
ed citizens, none of whom had ever
been in Jail, would be standing on the
corners and awaiting his arrival. Brother
Gardner announced that the petition
would be granted and that brother Jones
would be sent as soon as the moon reach
ed her third quarter, which is the best
time for securing cheap railroad fares.
Brother Jones will carry q certificate Of
identity from the club, but for fear of
accident it may be stated here that he
stands five feet eleven, weighs 16S
pounds, and has two front teeth out and
squint in his left eye. Whenever any
one mentions persimmons to him he in
stinctively FUCKERS up his mouth and
gives himse away. The people of
Halifax will find him modest, retiring
and rather inclined to make his head
quarters at a grocery where they sell
two herring for a cent and throw in a
handful of crackers.
RENTED.
Some time since Trustee Pullback was
fined IS, 600 and costs for introducing
religious discussion into the club. He
declared that the whale which swallow
Jonah was 200 feet long, and of course
Elder Toots scaled the figures down TO
1875, and n row was the result Sir
Isaac WalDole now presented petition
ssIsassl by saNeat y eieEh3 SrsarIrtaors zisAtnE
that the fine be remitted. The petition
ers had satisfied themselves that Brother,
Pullback introduced the topic inadvert.
entlyyshaYing the subject Of whaling on
his mind, and that-if Elder Toots hadn't
jumped mp and called him altar there
would have been no trouble. 80
Brother GardneraIepliel that he felt
like respecting he wishes Of so, many
petitioners, and would remit the fine. but
he wanted it understood in the most
solemn manner that whales must not bo
into the club again. = e. ,- b
SOMETHING RICH '-.-. 8.
A telegram sent G.. O. D., was received
from the Hon. Emblem Spconer, of lo-
ronto, saying that he was about to start
for Detroit to deliver q series of lectures
on physiognomy to colored people only.
Members of the Llme.Kiln Club would
be admitted free of charge. Among
other things the Hon. Emblem will con.
vince his hearers:
That large feet denote great brain
power.
That red nose is the index of a soul
which readily absorbs all that is beauti-
full In nature or art.
That double-chin denotes a strong
leaning towards murder.
That bow-legs and melancholy tenn
peraments go together.
In brief the physiognomist will knock
most of the accepted theries into the
middle of next summer, and all at the
low price of ten cents.
VOTED DOWN.
The Rev. Penstock then offered
to change by law number l.
7SO so that it should read
''Any member of this club making use
Of ambiguous terms may be called to or
der by any other member and asked to
make himself clearly understood.
''What's de objict of dat, sarE in
luired the President.
II suppose de char knows de meaning
Of ambiguous2"
"IIe does, sah"
"In IL late speech in dis hall, " said
member made use of dc
sentence. Ipe mOnstrocity of de lyric
I've sot still under
such misuses of the English language as
long as I kim"
"Brudder Penstock, what was wrong
bout dat spreshun?"
at didn't mean anything"
"Did it do any harm"
''Perhaps not
"An orator who don do any harm
orter be incouraged Besides, it was
purity cleer4e understood dat de pusson
speailin' was rcferrin' TO de boom in
pollytical corrupshun. He simply swung
his right leete too fur. l shall OPP
pose de resolushun on varus grounds.
1t was then put to vote, and the club
by a vote of 113 to 4, refused to alter
the 10y law.
"Den, NIisser Chairman exclaimed
the indignant Penstock, II would sim
ilibus perchance the inuucndo of the
every well, sah, . replied the Presi-
dent, land if you decide to initiate dc
OF dc inscrutabe con
glomerate we shall hev no obieckshuns.
The meeting then adjourned.
How Hawks aud Owls Eat.