The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1886-02-06
ALLEGED HTnOR.

ates, he asked: ''Do you treat drunk
ards here?' "Yes sir" "Well, I'm
one. Where's yer bar r?"-Chieago
News.
MASTER GEORGE (allowed for the
first time to see his two little sisters,
with a vivid recollection of the fate of
the kittens Which will ma keepH
| say that one"
AT the club: De Jones yawns and
stretches himself. Van Brown-Tired,
dear boy? De Jones-Aw beastly.
Van B.-Up late, Ell? De NAV.
Been thinking.-TO-day.
A MODERN wit defines the difference
between men and women: "A man
gives forty cents for twenty-five cent
thing he wants, and a woman gives
twenty-five cents for a forty-cent thing
she does not want"
"WHY didn't you come when [
rang?" said Texas lady to her do
mestic. Because | didn't heah the
bell" Hereafter when you don't hear
the bell you must come and tell me
So" "Yes, mum. Texas Siftings.
"WHATis the first thing you would do,
Jones, if you were stung by hornet ?"
asked Smith, who had been reading an
article on the treatment OF sting.
''Swear," replied Jones, solemnly.
And the conversation abruptly ended.
PROUD parent-"How's that for a
baby?" Old bachelor-"Well,m my ex-
perience with babies is limited, but |
should think this one might possibly
be worth bringing up. (Struck sud
denly with an idea.l Why not try
it ?"-Life
STATESMAN writes to ask 'if Con-
necticut has at present two capitals
as formerly" Never had but one:
Capital c. You must be thinking of
Rhode Island or New York or South
Carolina, or some other state with a
double barrel name-R. J. Burdette.
WFE-You muttered in your sleep
last night Husband lin alarm)-
What did | say? WIfe-You kept re-
peating That's one horse on me,
That's two horses on me-" over and
over again. Husband-Evidently a
case OF ngihtmare.-New York Times.
"YoU have distinguished company"
remarked old MacShOddeigh, who was
the first to make his appearance at
select dinner gwen by his city friend.
Distinguished - said the host. "They
are the walters. Very few OF the
guests have arrived. ."-French Paper.
'THE simple throat bow, without
ends, which Is the proper finish for the
short bonnet strings OF the season,
says a fashion exchange, "does not in
terfere with the working of the chin"
Husbands will read thisitem with pro-
found regret.-BurlngtOn Free Press.
COMMERCIAL traveller Ito Dakota
grocer)-"Anything elseyou think of?''
"Grocer-'I guess that g all this time"
Commercial traveler-"How's your
stock OF soap?" Grocer-"Ive never
kept it. You might add to the order
a couple boxes of soap, for a sample,
and I'll see how it takes"
A FATHER was very much annoyed
by the foolish questions OF his little
son. Johnny, you are great source
of annoyance to me-" whats the
matter, pa?" "You ask so many
foolish questions. wasn't big don
key when | was OF your age" "No
pa, but you've growed a heap since"
FASHIONABLE daughter preparing
to 90 out)-What are the weather
probabilities for today, mamma?
Mamma docking over the paper)-
High easterly winds with local rains.
Fashionable daughter Ito maid J.
Jane, you may get out my striped
stockings and kid shoes.-TrOy Press.
A BEAUTIFUL woman with artificial
ly heightened color, once said to Gen.
Shields: "How Is it that, having OBJ
tained so much glory, you still seek
for more?" "Ah, madam" he replied
with more force than ponteness, "how
is that you, who have so much beauty,
should still put on paint ?"-SaH Fran
cisco ArgOnaUt.
"IsN'T it against the rules to touch
the animals at the menagerIe, ma 2'
asked Bobby. II believe so" was
the reply. can dangerous, too, amt
?" ooh, yes" "Well, pa bad bet
ter look out, then. Iheard Mr.. Smith
tell him that if he didn't quit pulling
the tail Of the tiger he'd be sorry for
it"-New York Times.
Mrs. HoNfEsPUN-"Our John is the
greatest fellow to put off you ever
saw" Mrs. Biank-"He procrasti-
mates, eh?" Mrs. H.-"Oh, dear, no;
| don't think John would do anything
as bad as that. He only puts every
thing off That's the worst | ever
heard anybody say about him. -
Boston Transcript.
"DICK," ;" said Mr.. Fangel to his son
and heir, edo you learn anything at
SCHOOL," ooh yes. sir, was the re-
ply. 'sWell, I'll ask you a few, ques
tions and see For instance, what II
capital punishment "Being set
among the girls, sir" ''Yes, you are
learning fast, | see" responded Mr..
Fangel, and the examination closed
PittsbUrg Chronicle.
The Hartford Evening Post con
tains this startling piece Of informa-
ton: Emperor William of Germany
recently shot twenty-one head OF game
sitting in his easy chair" 1t must be
awfully exasperating to find twenty
one head Of game sitting IN ones easy
chair, and under the circumstances
one cannot really blame Kaiser VIII
lam for shooting the crItters.-BOston
Transcript.
EASTERN MAN-You think / would
do well If | were to bring my family out
here and grow up with the country?
Western Man-Do well? Youcouldn't
help it, stranger. The West is the
place for business. Large ideas, you
know, an lots o. room to branch out
in. left the East twenty-five years
ago. / couldn't stand it back there.
| wanted air. Eastern Man-And
what are you doing now? Western
Man-Tm brakin' on the new road
New YORK Times.
Imitation Leather.
By means OF electricity the most at
tractive leather surfaces are now COM