The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-04-22
THE MERRY SIDE I


The dude is the green fly of society.
Sam Jones did some good in Chicago-he quit
chewing tobacco.
There's strike among the tailors in Milwau-
kee. The result of ''cutting," in prices.
-
Red-headed men onght to make the best SOL
ders-at least they are the most SANDY
To preserva your reputation for veracity
among the ladies-never tell one she is homely.
-
Beware of the man who fatters you-hes on
ly coating you with sugar, before taking you in.
1t has been discovered that pleuro pneumo-
ia is incurable. The next worst thing to De-
mocracy.
By the way, Mr.. Cleveland, did you ever see
Democrat who was not guilty of OFFENSIVE
partisanship?
Don't expect too much from a mans promise
never to desert you. The itch will stick closer
than he can.
Many q man holds on by faith, just as bear
climbs tree. AT the first slip, down he goes
to the bottom.
Education doesn' always thoroughly educate.
You would scarcely think of spreading fine
paint upon mud house.
Chicago merchants have formed a ''starch-
pool" They hope to get the prices up, and
make them stick there.
One of the great problems that agitate the hu-
man mind now is how to cheat the Assessor
and still be an honest mbn.
After all, what is wealth? The most straight
forward man is the man with the patched
trousers-he never looks behind.
The Gallipolis Gymnasium paid fifty dollars
horizontal bar. That's probably the highest
price ever paid for hoop-pole.
Temperance Orator-"Now tell me, some one,
what causes the most misery in this world"--
Observant Man-"The dread of work.
Henry Ward Beecher says "the Democratic
party is a double-eared ASST And Henry ought
to be judge of that kind of animals.
Greenville Ohio, has a pig with two bellies
and only one head That's nothing! Jackson
has several of them. They're all keeping sa-
looms.
The Circleville Democrat complains that the
cats are making terrible din in the neighbor-
hood of that office. Perhaps you have "rat"
printers!
There was an explosion in a butter factory at
Elgin, Ill, killing man. If the product is like
some that finds IFS way into market, there's no
use trying to confine it.
The Portsmouth Free Lance cries aloud for
the Portsmouth people to keep their money at
home by patronizing home industry-buying
Portsmouth beer.
The sizes of lake fish sent to the interior
towns leads one to wonder how they expect to
do any fishing on the lake this summer-after
sending all their bats away.
+x*
Mans ingenuity often fails. We have seen
strong man exhaust his powers in beating a
m ule, and the animal would contentedly mock
at his folly.
In courting a Detroit girl, perhaps Senator
Jones, of Florida seeks wife who can stand
the kind OF winters they had in Florida this
year.
Our exchanges contain announcements that
the Chil1icothe Gazette sold at Sherif's
sale. 1t is the exchanges that are sold.
How can we really blame the Democrats in
Congress for not wanting to look at the Veter-
ans of '6l. They never did like the old boys
'tMrs. Proudly, what business is your husband
engaged in?"
"He owns an elevator!''
He carried hod.I
Old man Tiden says in a recent interview
that "there is lack of elasticity" in him.
That's so! At least we found him awful hard
to bounce, some years ago.
Will some Democratic paper please say some
thing about the vote in Precinct A, Fourth
Ward," of Cincinnati? What are you all so
quiet about?
The Reformer likes to Danish "spoils'' from
the political field, ON the principle that the
robin likes to remove the nasty, horrid worms
from garden.
A mother would not like to be held RESPONSE
bic for every mishap to her child, yet every
time it falls and gets hurt she cries 81 knew it
1 knew it! 1 told you so!"
An author of sacred song, who heard it sung
by a first-class musician, innocently inquired
the name of the piece. He couldn't recognize
it by the sound.
If we We're called upon for an opinion, we
should say that if there has been any change in
the Ohio Congressional Delegation, Mr. Romeis,
of Toledo, hasn't Hurd Oft.
80
We're in laundering mess in the Hamilton
County Senatorial Fraud business. We've had
an extensive Investigation, collected all the i'm
porant testimony-and now the four Senators
won't resign!
The strangest man in this State is named Cur
tbs, and lives at Lima. His wife ran away last
week, and he telegraphed and had her brought
back. His conduct is unaccountable.
The Gallipolis Journal,says "persons with jet
black hair have an animal scent about them
which they can't get rid Of" And some who
haven't black hair, too. Because they don't
try.
In the great rush for building nail mills, roll
ing mills, and the like, every town should be
active in increasing its industries. Waverly
ought to secure new saloon.
The Springfield GIobe-Republic wants 10 send
Halstead to Washington in place of old man
Payne. Do you think it would be an even
trade? The old man might object.
Secretary Manning is going to resign fIom the
Treasury, and go as Minister to Austria He
wants TO get where he will have room enough
to walk around without breaking his neck.
His Washington Office is too small.
A Liberty Township Democrat sends greet
ing to u.s. and signs himself 'one of the snakes"
meaning Copperheads, perhaps. The snake has
probably heard ere this that the soldiers have
broken loose at ST. Louis, and is wiggling its
way toward Canada.
Softly yawned the brown-eyed maiden,
As we stood beside the gate,
And the night-winds seemed to tell us
That the hour was getting late;
Louder yawned the fierce-eyed mother,
AS she called, with manner cool:
"Sary, will ye stand till mornin',
Talkin' to that blasted fool?"
The Democratic Congressmen who voted
against adjourning to see the old Veterans
were dignified as the great Apostle of Democ-
racy, jeff Davis, who thought it highly i'm
proper for Col. Pritchard's men TO make war