Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1886-05-11
WIT AND WISDOM.

Explanations from the youth who
was forcibly elected from a West-Side
residence the other evening are un-
necessary. The reason was a parent
Detroit Free Press.
Sarcastic wife-Coming home as
usual, IsupposeP Fond-of-staying-out-
late husband-Yes, certainly Sarcas-
tic wife-Well, put this letter in the first
mail in the morning, and if you meet
the milk man tell him to leave two
quarts,-JudQe.
Mamma" said Johnny, "can any
body hear with their mouthP' mo,
child, don't think they can," replied
the mother Then, mamma, what
made Mr.. Jones tell sister he wanted to
tell her something and put his lips to her
mouth instead Of her earP"- Chicago
Tribune.
Dinner table. Little Mlllie Ito her
father, who has given her the smallest
piece Of pie on the plate)-"Papa, why
Is my piece Of pie Ike Europe?" Papa,
thoughtfully-"1 don't know; why is
itp" Millie-"Because 1t is the smallest
Of the grand divisions" j." Fact.-Boston
Transcript.
"A German theorist has undertaken
to make microscope of sufficient
power to make bees sting look like q
telegraph pole. We have long won
dered why something wasn't done to
make that plaguey thing look some-
where near as large as ii feels when it
gets into mans neck. -Binghampton
Republican.
The plain principles Of truth and
honesty are familiar to most of us, and
nesd no elaborate argument to eluci-
date or uphold them. They demand
our unhesitating obedience, and the
more cheerfully and promptly we act
upon them, the more firm, manly and
consistent will our characters become.
IN Y. Ledger.
Do Jones-Miss MimOsa, who Is
that vulgar-lOoking woman over there
by the mantel-piecep She looks like a
regular firifiin. Miss Mimosa-W
how you talkAthat's my step-mothes.
De Jones-0h, yes. Yes, TO be sure.
How silly Of me. ought to have been
able to trace the family resemblance
Chicago Rambler.
--"How are you getting onp" asked
Yeast Of young Crimsonbeak, whom he
| met on the street the other day. First
rate" was the young mans reply.
"What are you doingp" further queried
Yeast. "f'm medical director In an
Institution down town" "a medical
directorl' "Yes; you see ! direct en-.
velopes In patent-medlcine house.
"0h."- Yos,kers Statesman. O."
| The young lady sent her intended
husband her photograph, which pleased
him very well. They met day or two
after, when the following conversation
took place: ut is very like you dear
1t SO much resembles the real that
have kissed it over and over again.
Sand did 1t kiss you back again, vii
liamP" 'Qh, no, dear" Then it il
not at all like men y Telegram.
Not over one woman in one thous
and IN China can read or write. A
married man In that country can there
fore leave In his inside coatpocket
when he hands the garment to his wifi
20 sew on button, sweet-scenteG
note beginning. Darling Bung-Lung,'
and ending, Your own Yingie,n with
only one chance In q thousand Of being
found Norris.oson Herald.
The parent VI teacher may com
maud, or exhort or restrain, or advis
| in the wisest way; but II the constan
Influence Of companionship, or books
or occupations, or amusements work II
the opposite direction, it will be labo
| thrown away. The rules Of grammar
learned over so thoroughly, will neve
oounteract the effect Of constant associ
alton with those who speak incorrectly
nor will the most assiduous exhortatioI
against friyolity avail any thing againa
tie general tone Of frivolous society
] Exchange.