Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-09-25
HUMOR.

IRIS not the clock with the loudest
tick that goes the best.
WHEN is q thief like o seamstress :?
When he cuts and runs.
"GREAT men often rise from small
beginnings. says writer. How true
Even George Washington was little
baby at one time,-Puck.
T#1RTY-Two HUNDRED babies are
born in the United States every day,
and yet people wonder where all the
squalls and cyclones come from.
Duck eggs forty years old were eat
en- at recent marriage celebration in
North Carolina. The bride was prob
ably preparing her husband for wash
day dinners.
PARKER-"Why Is friendship like a
New York monument fund.-" Eli
Don't see it. Give it up" Parker
Because it is a creature of slow
growth. Free Press.
BEFORE young man takes to him
self wife whose relations are numer-
Gus and near, he should pass few
hours in q boiler factory when the
thought first strikes him.
MUcH rs Mark Twain loves financial
success it gives him twinge to read
that he is more notable as o very
shrewd and clever business man than
he is as humorist "-Teras iSittings.
"OH, Why Should They Bury Me
Deep?" is the title of some verses sent
to this Office by Minnesota poetess.
After reading the poem the reason
seems clear enough to us.-Estelline
Bell.
WHAT is James doing nova days,
Mrs. Stephens James is following
the races this year." "But 1 thought
Ilsaw him in town to-day?" "Yes, you
see he follows them by telegraph" p
1id-Bits.
YOUNG FFATHERLY had been impart-
ing some information to Mrs. de Tow
ser which interested that lady very
much. Il am quite surprised, Mr..
Featherlv," she said, "to hear of this.
1t only shows that-that-"" One is
ne er too old to learn?" prompted
Featherly, gallantly.-Bazar.
Mrs. lie HoDsoN CLARKE (who flat
tiers herself upon her youthful appear
ance)-"Iou would scarcely think,
Mr.. Dumley, that the stalwart young
fellow near the piano is my son, would
you?" Dumley gallantly-"No, indeed,
Mrs. Clarke; it seems absolutely i'm
poss BILE. Ah--er-is he your eldest
?"-Bazar.
"Gus," sail fast young man to o
companion, "if you hal to DO dunned
every day, where would you rather be
dunned, down in the street. or up in
your room?" "Up in my room, of
course" Because you don't want ev-
erybody to know it?' "No, it's not
that; but what want is the satisfaction
of kicking the fellow down stairs. y
Texas SJtings.
OLD FARMER-"Well, John, since
you've got through with college and
got home to us again, mother and me
would like you to give US little exhi
bition of your learning. 1t will make
mother feel proud, know, to see how
you have advan ed" Son-"All right,
father; if you've got bat and ball and
you'll do the pitching, we'll begin right
away. "-Boston Courier.
$50, UNCLE JACK, you don't much be-
lieye in the idea that men are called to
preach" "Wall, sab. de Lawd mout
call some niggers ter preach, but it
sorter peers ter me dat whar de Lawd
calls one, ole man Laziness calls er
dozen. Nine niger preachers outen
ten is de lazies' pussens in de worl. I"
"How do you know, Uncle JACKIE"
"'Case Use er preacher merse'f, sab.
-Arkansalv IraUe'er.
COUNSEL FOR DEFENDANT.
He could lombard any jury with warm pathos
and great fury and convince them that his
client wasn't guilty of the charge;
He could cabbage a retainer, making sure of tho
remainder when his client was acquitted.
And twas usually large.
He could manage venire with n challenge that
was fiery, or cross-question and witness in
manner that was cross;
He could show the Judge that his ruling show
ed a lack of legal chooing, and refer him
to the statute in the late amended laws.
He could sass the opposition till they wished
him in perditon, and could sling them cut
ing answers ut IL most illegal late
For his case was always surest, and his client
was the purest, and seemed always in his
glory when he bucked against the State.
He was handy with capias, or q writ of corpus
habeas, or could get n change of venue II
stern justice looked too sure,
He could quote from Coke AMI Chitty, with his
own additions, witty, till the Judge would
use his mallet and the room be in Il roar
But the Sheriff, Death has called him, and in
his last case installed him rosewood) and
himself is surpliGnt at the Bar of Last
Resort
And unto the great evangel he will swear he was
an angel; plead his own with great
fervor, there before higher court.
Those who knew him are quite sure he will con-
found the high born jury till he causes q
division er the question. is he washed p
And by force of all his pleadngs, get stay in
the o,eedings till the prosecution
weares and the old indictments quashcd
-DetI oft Free Press.