The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-04-08
LEGAL ANECDOTES.
wise, Witty, and Pungent Sayings OF
BENCH and Bar.

ton with his lawyer, ueVlSeu an expo
dent whereby he expected to gain the
information he required without the
usual cost He accordingly invited the
man Learned in the law" to dine at his
house on a particular evening, as
friend and old acquaintance. The law
yer gladly accepted the invitation, and
attended at the house of his friend and
client prompt to the minute. The con-
versation for some time was very gener-
al and agreeable, and by and by the
shrewd client. by limiting and suggest
ing, at last drew the lawyer out into
learned and explicit dissertation upon
the subject the host wished to be informed
upon The client pleased, satisfied, and
smiling, chuckled in his sleeve, thinking
how nicely he had wormed out the ad-
vice desired and pumped his lawyer free
of cost.
The feast over, the lawyer departed,
equally pleased, and, both being salts
fed, all went as merry as marriage
bell. But few days afterward the client
received letter from his lawyer in
forming him that the charge for pro-
fessional consultation anu advice was
Is shillings and pence, and would he
"kindly attend to the payment of same
at his earliest convenience, and oblige. J"
The client was wild-caught in his own
trap; but, being determined to outwit the
lawyer and gain his own ends, he for
warded to the latter bill for dinner,
wines, and accessories supplied on the
10th inst, amounting to Is shillings
and pence, saying that if he would
settle inclosed bill he should only be too
pleased and happy to settle the lawyers
little bill. The lawyer retorted by
threatening to commence an action
against mine host for selling wines
without license unless his, the lawyers,
bill was Immediately paid. Do | need
to say that the lawyer was victorious?
When l was boy, heard of law
yer who was called up in the middle of
cold winters night to draw out the
will of an old farmer who lived some
three miles away, and who was dying.
The messenger had brought cart to
convey the lawyer to the farm, and the
latter in due time arrived at his desti-
nation. When he entered the house he
was Immediately ushered into the sick
room, and he then requested to be sup
piled with pen, ink, and paper. There
were none in the house! The lawyer
had not brought any himself, and what
was he to do? Any lead-pencil? he in
quired. No; they had none. The farm
er was sinking fast, though quite con-
scious. At last the legal gentleman saw
chalked up on the back of the bedroom
door column upon column of figures in
chalk. They were milk 'scores" or
"shots." He Immediately asked for a
piece of chalk, and then, kneeling on the
floor. he wrote out concisely upon the
smooth hearthStone the last will and tes-
lament of the dying man. The farmer
subsequently died. The hearthstone
will was sent to the principal registry in
London with special affidavit, and was
duly proved, the will being deposited in
the archives of the registry. | may
mention that the law does nos state
upon what substance or with what in
strument a will must be written.
There was once a plain, outspOken
Judge who, addressing the jury, said:
Gentlemen of the jury, in this case the
counsel on both sides are unintelligible,
the witnesses on both sides are incred-
ible, and the plaintiff and defendant are
both such bad characters that 10 me it
is Indifferent which way you give your
verdict
1t was once reported to the notorious
Judge Jeffries that the Prince of Orange
was on the point of entering into the
country, and that he was already pre-
pairing manifesto as to his induce
ments and objects in so doing. Pray,
my lord chief justice" said gentleman
present, ''what do you think will be the
heads of this manifesto?'' Mine will
be one he grimly replied.
An undoubted alibi was some time
ago successfully proved in an American
court as follows:
''And you say you are innocent of the
charge of stealing this rooster from Mr..
! Jones?' queried the Judge.
''Yes, sir; / am innocent-as innocent
as a child"
You are confident you did not steal
the rooster from Mr.. Jones?n
Eyes, sir; and can prove it,
''How can you prove it?"
81 can prove that didn't steal Mr..
Jones rooster, judge, because | stole
two hens from Mr. Grastop the same
night, and Jones lives five miles from
Graston's.'
The proof is conclusive" said the
judge; discharge the prisoner"
1t is said that the other day a client
received the following bill from his law
yer: Attending and asking you how
you did, IS. Sd; attending you on the
pier, when you desired me to look
through a piece of smoked glass, 6s
3D.; looking through the same, IS. 3d.
rubbing my eye, which watered, 13s.
4d.; attending at luncheon, when you
praised the sandwiches and asked me
to partake thereof, is. Sd; consulting
and asking my opinion thereof, when |
said they were very good, 6s. 3d." Most
probably the client treated this as a joke,
or perhaps it drove him to extremities.
Gentlemen of the jury" said coun-
sci in a suit about herd of hogs,
there were just thirty-six hogs in that
drove; please to remember that fact
thirty-six hogs; just exactly three times
as many as there are in that jurv-box,
gentlemen" We are informed that the
counsel did not win his case. The jury
were not so pig-headed.
Gentlemen of the jury" said an
Irish barrister, sit will be for YOU to
say whether this defendant shall be al
lowed to come into court with unblush-
ing footsteps, with the cloak of hypo-
crisy in his mouth, and draw three bull
locks out of my clients pocket with i'm
munity."
We have heard of several cases of fe-
male ingenuity in aiding the escape Of
prisoners. Here is one The criminals
were handcuffed, and with their escort
were awaiting the train which would
convey them to the county Jail. Sud-
denly woman rushed through the
crowd of spectators with a shower of
tears and cried out: kiss me good-by,
Ned" The escort good-naturedly al
lowed the process of OSCILLATION to be
performed, and the sheriff smiled feel
ingly The woman passed key from
her own to the prisoners mouth, with
which he undid the bracelets" and es-
capped while the train was in motion.
There is girl who seems to have Pc