Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1886-12-23
WHY THEY LAUGH.

81 say, you leave the door open too
much" said an excitable father to hi.
son. "Well, how much open shall leave
it?" asked the boy. 81 mean you leave it
open too often" was the reply. "How
often would you like it left open?" askeo
the son. Then the father rose and t.
son was glad that the door was open.
Mistress and maid-''where have 20,
been Jane?" "I've been to meeting o.
the Girls Friendly Society, ma'am.
well what did the lady say to you?"
please ma'am, she said l wasn't to give
you warming, as I meant to. She said
was to look upon you as my thorn-and
bear it!'
Halo Charley! What's up? Never
saw you looking so jolly and happyr'
My best girls just got married" "Got
married? Why man is that any thing to
be gay and festive over? You ought tC
be in the last stages of melancholy
'That's all right. You see I'm the fello,
she's married"
Il don't miss my churh so much as you
may suppose" said a lady to her minis
ter, who called on her during her illness,
''for [ make Betsey sit at the window as
soon as the bells begin to chime, and she
whether they have got on anything that
new.
A gentleman praiting the personal
charms of very plain woman, his friend
asked him: "Why don't you lay claim
such an accomplished beauty?" "What
right have I to herr" Every rightGSsr
the laws of nations" replied the formssel,,s
''you being the first to discover thes
traits
Sunday school teacher: ''The object of
this letter is to instruct obedience. Dc
you know what obey means?" Apt bu-
pill: Eyes, mann; l obey my father.
Teacher: Eyes that's right. Now tell
me why you obey your father?" Apt
pupil: ''Cause he's bigger'n I ami"
''You favor the study of the dead Ian
guages then, Professor Vocative?" en-
deed do; l Insist upon it." "And, why,
pray?" Because we are all going to be
dead some day, and it is best that we
should acquire helanguage while we
have an opportunity"
"The last link is broken" the fellow
said when he kissed his girl goodbye for
ever, at her request, because her parents
wished a dissolution. A few days after
he received q note, saying: Dear George
there are plenty more links; come and
break Them,
A wag who is often merry over his per-
sonal plainness tells This story of him.
self; | went to chemist the other day
for dose of morphine for a sick friend.
The assistant objected to give it to me
without prescription, evidently fearing
that | intended to commit suicide.
Pshaw,' said I, do look like man who
would kill himself?' Gazing steadily at
me for moment he said: 4 don't know.
1t seems to me if / looked like you I
should be tempted to kill myself"
Major B: "Yes, Mrs. Thompson, L had
sad disappointment In love. The lady
Tilted me. She is dead now. I forgive
her." Mrs. Thompson: "Ah, major, l
you also disappointed in love, Mrs.
deed" Major B.: ''And the cruel man
of him?'' Mrs. Thompson: II married
him."
The following curious verdict was rem
dered by aiury; "We, jury, have come
to an agreement that it was an accident;
but if the said deceased is under IA years
of age we blame the firm; but if the de-
ceased was above age we blame both
parties"
Laura" said Mrs Pavenue, on the
hotel piazza, to her, 'Iaura, go and ask
the ldader of shem orchestras to play
that sympathy from Meddleiohn' over
again. It such an awful fayorite of
mine!"