Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1886-12-09
A THRONE FOR RENT
william Nye Politely But Firmly Refuses to B
King of Bulgaria.

Ming OF bulgaria.
Bill Nye has furnished to The World
the following copy of cable dispatch
lust forwarded to the Allied Powers of
Europe:
SL1pPEEy ELMHURsT, HUDSON, WIS, Nov.
25th.
10 the Allied Poioers, care Of Lord Sails
bury:
GENTLEMEN: Your favor of recent
date regarding my acceptance of the
Bulgarian throne, which Is now vacant
and for rent, in which note you tender
me the use of said throne for one year,
and the privilege of three, is at hand.
You also state that the allied powers are
not favorable to Prince Nicholas and that
YOU would all prefer dark horse. Look
ing over the entire list of obscure men,
it seems you have been unable to fix up
on man who has made better showing
in this line than have.
While l thank you for this kind offer
of the throne that has, as you state, been
newly refitted and refurnished throughout
must decline it for reasons which / will
try to give in my own rough, unpublished
way.
Il
matches to-day that Russia is mobilizing
her troops, and | do not want anything
to do with a country that treats her
soldiers in that way. Troops have GER
tain rights as well as those who have
sought the more pleasanter walks of
peace.
That ia not all. / do not care to enter
into a squabble in which | am not inter
ested. Neither do l care to go to Bull
garia in the capacity of carpet-bag
monarch from the 10cent counter, wear
ing boiler-iron overcoat by day and a
stab proof corset at night, l have always
been in favor of Bulgaria's selection of a
monarch Uird roice or UoT popuh, which
ever you think would look the best in
print
hate to see a monarch in hot water all
the time, and threatening to abdicate.
Surprising he does abdIcate what good
will that do when he leaves widow with
nothing but second hand throne and a
crown two sizes too small for his success
or? | have always said and | still say,
that nothing can be more pitiful than
the sight of a lovely queen whose hus-
band, in a wild frenzy of remorse, has
abdicated himself. Nothing, l repeat,
can be sadder than this picture of de-
serted queen, left high and dry, without
means, forced at last to go to the pawn
brokers with "A little plated, fluted crown
with rabbit skin ear tabs on it!
We IRE prone to believe that monarch
has nothing to do but issue ukase or a
mandamus and that he will then have ali
the funds he wants; but such is not the
Ag III
archs are liable to be overtaken any
year by a long cold winter and found as
late as Christmas reigning in their sum
mer scepters.
am inclined also to hesitate about ac-
cepting the BulA arian throne for another
reason-I do not care to be deposed
when l want to be doing something else
l have had my deposition taken several
times and it did not look like me either
time.
| think that you monarchs ought to
stand by each other more. If you would
form society of free and independent
monarchs there in Europe, where you are
so plenty, while you could have good
time and every little while YOU could raise
your salary if you worked it right.
Now you pull and haul each other all
the time and keep yourself in hot water
day and night That's no way for a
dynasty any more than anyone else. 1t
impairs your usefulness and fills our
telegraphic columns with names we can
not pronounce. Every little while we
have to pay the operator at this end of
the cable $40 for writing in rapid flow
ing hand that meanwhile Russia will
continue to disregard the acts of the
sobranje."
Why should great country like Rus
STA go about trying TO make trouble with
low priced sobranje? think that a
closer alliance of crowned heads, whose
interests are identical, would certain
ly relieve the monotony of many long
tedious reign. If were TO accept the
throne OF Bulgaria, which is not likely,
so long as my good right ann can still
jerk fluent cross. cut saw in the Eng
fish tongue, would form syndicate of
monarchs, with grips, passwords, ex-
plantations and signals; every sceptre
would have a contralto whistle in the
butt end which could be used as sign
of distress, while the other end could
have cork in it, and then steering tot
tering dynasty down through the dim
vista OF crumbllng centuries woulu nob
be so irksome as it now Is.
As it is now, three or four allied powers
ask a man to believe his business and
squat on a cold, hard throne for mere
pittance, and then just as he begins to
let his whiskers grow and learns to dodge
a big porcelain bomb those same allied
powers jump on top of him all spraddled
out and ask him for his deposition. That
Is no way to treat an amateur monarch
who is trying to do right. You can see
that unless you stand by each other the
thrones of Europe will soon be empty
and every 81 a day hotel in America will
have an heir apparently to the throne for
head waiter, with a coronet put on his
cloths with rubber stamp and loaded
sceptre up his sleeve.
If you want to rear your children to
love and respect the monarchy industry
you must afford them better protection.
! say this as man who may not 1--we to
be over 100 years of age, and with my feet
thus settling into the DOGGY shores OF
time let me beg of you, monarchs and
monarchesses, to make your calling an
honorable one. Teach your children and
their children TO res sect the business by
which their parents earned their bread.
Show them that it is honorable to empire
a country If thew do ID right. Teach