Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1886-12-09
YeRE IND ruERE.

New York papers are for sale in Canadf.
This is 40 that he who runs may read.
: Chicago MIis.
mo man can serve two masters ur- j
ess he is a low.dow politician and both
masters have mOney.--Nela ortsahs
A Mexican in southern California re-
.ently broke his arm and didn't And 1t oSt
Ior week, thinking all the time that it
Was msfely sprained.
An Eastern paper speaks Of streak OF
insanity having struck its town. In the
next column it boasts of II new sub
scfibers.- Omaha Herald.
''Pa, do pro- and CON mean opposite
things ?" Eyes, son." rs that the reason
why they speak of progress and con
gress y" ''N.n--yes, sou. VI htcag0 !
NeioS
A scientist says that body weighing |
100 pounds on the earth would weigh two
tons on Jupiter. Some inen seem 10 |
imagine that they live on Jupiter all the |
time.-Rep HG0ea NetcS
A physician having directed one of his |
patients to battle d wound in tepid wattr,
store with note saying ''Please sch
bearer one-half pint of tepid water"
During "a Presidential terms, Franklin
Pierce is tie only President who kept bis
cabinet upbroken around him to the end
OF his term. MIR. Cleveland has evidently
a similar ambition.- Washington Post.
Sophocles had an inklingof journalism,
though he Was only Literary feller.n
Sophocles wrote:
"Tis you that say 1t, not 1. You do the needs,
And your ung ldiy dc DIS inds me me words"
--LoufirlB Courier.
There is a rumor that Senator Hale, of
Maine, is trying to buy New York news
paper.-ES. 1t issingular thata public man
cannot spend two cents without being
itemized in the papers. Boston CONNER
| cidi Bulletin.
Somebody stole two hens In Peoria, Ill. i,
and paper there closes vigorous article
on the subject with the words "The
guilty wretches have not yet been caught,
but startling developments are on the
eve of exploding"
Uncle Sam lighted the torch of Liberty
yesterday in time for Thanksgiving, apol-
ogeticaly remarking as he did so :
"B'gosh, Libby, you must excuse me; l
didn't notice till this minute but what yeI
light was Lit ~ Washington Post.
A Cedar Springs, Mich, young man
called on young woman one evening
and fell asleep in his chair with one arm
around her waist. When he awoke hi
found that he was embracing churn
and that the young woman had disap
peared.
'sDid you hear the new cure for hydro
phobia, Mrs. Mulcahy?" FAX didn't
an what is it, Mrs, o'Reilly2" "Plasthei
of Paris, dear, an I'm going to try it OF
, little Tommy, who was bit be Heffernan'
! bull pup yi5therdey. y San FraHeisc
NeioS Letter.
! Mr.. ssacstein-''Ah, my friend, tina
coat fits you perfectly lovely. And onl.
/ twenty dollars, too; why, it's bargain q
that price" Prospective Purchaser"
: don't know, Mr.. Isaacstein; it takes two Il
make bargain. y lid Bits.
Little Bub--sPop, if there is wa
with Mexico, can 1 go for drumme
boy ?" Pop Certainly not, my son
Why do you ask {" Little Bubble
cause don't see any other way to get
q drum before next Christmas. He got il
! -ORaaba W,rld.
. Patrons OF horse cars carry everything
!, from market basket to stove. Yestel
day passenger On Hamilton street-ca
: had with him a fire extinguisher, whicl
i became turned on during the journey O
!, the car and destroyed several ladies
n dresses. Albdny journal.
d The Unreliable Sex.--Gus De Smith
lie The young ladies of the present day or
d. no good. They can't be relied on.
ID Koscusiko Murphy-"What makes 20
j. think sof" Gust am engaged to tire
3, young ladies, and they all airt with othe
Mt mem Tegds SJtiags.
ii A poor but wicked young man in Wiz
I'd ston county, Miss, desiring to get mai
er ried in good shape without too much ~
o pense, bought suit of clothes on credit
a wore them at the wedding, and the nel
s. day returned them to the merchant, So,
or ing that they did not fit him.
III A Sonoma, CAL, hunter saw de-
under a sGall nladronR tree 200 yart
u away. He fired and missed the deer, bl
'e' hit the tree about six inches above II
~ animals head, knocking off splinter fol
IN inces long that struck tine deer's he,
IN with such force as to penetrate the akv
'la and cause instant death.
yas Charles E. Pilgrim Of Philadelpl
.rs seeius to be shat he claims to be, b
IL preacher nc is apparently 10 years {
anu small Tor MS age, but has dIgnit
bearing, a good voice, considerable eloc
tionary ability, and is creating in Pen
sylyania an excellent reputation as
evangelist.
az, When Delaware man saw the Villa
ne e. Dodge statue at Sixth avenue al
ar Broadway, he remarked to frien
ast THAT man must be honest When
nj put EN- in the pillory down where col
nd from,w have to stick their headsthrou
Inc a hole and tasten their hands. How lonj
M he up for ?'-Puct.
MS A New York Clergyman says there "
tie, be degrees of punishment hereafter; u
ties the man who sins the most will be pr
nd ished the most, and vice versa. Accoi
lso ing to this belief, the man who send
Dill long communication, written on both sid
,at- to q newspaper for publication, wont
Ter. much vice versa in his. N0rrist0
ak Herald.
be The French talk about England lie 1
Tho English talk about America. The DEPART
ent of the Prince of Wales from Brantil
i'd hamthorpe appears thus in the Oh BA
Wall lie Prince de GALES, qui Went de quit
ttle Brahstag Humthorpe, fera Pouverture
ion Ii Saint Leger (ehasse su faisan) a
toute la mobilize Anglaise!"
st. Louis Visitor What's that stut
Boston Hotel Waiter -''rhat's Choch
no ate, sir st. L. w told you tl,t
10 wanted glass Of water B. H. "
~ That's water sir st. L. V.-"Th
zen water My friend, you can't play
in on ne I'iu from st, Louis. / ain
nc Yank. Waters yallow, an l want yol
~, get me some. y Boston BtGc0B.
Jer- A man not long since, brought b
size to be christcned to Catholic clergyI
xtrs of this city. What are you goin
saws cali him n said the priest 9 Lui
Calvin answered the proud father.
venerable sprinkler was taken aback f
mirute, Int finally he summoned br,
lsed TO exolaim, well, will baptize
sore Mary, and sou can 20 home and call
sod what Won like. n--B0st0R Saturday &c
ing Glzstts
young midshipman lately went
the TO join his ship. He was met on the {
,itea by the captain, who said ''Well, 20.
,Ort stef so Won have come to Join us
Mini suppose it's the old story-the fool Of
ii, N family, eh? Haw haw 10 which
win midshipman cutely replied "oh, no
iete, it's like everything else-all char
ON since your day Tie captain dec
Ter not to pursue the question.