Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1886-11-11
A cHuRcH coNcERT.

Trustworthy Report OF What . HouEg
Man who Accompanied Young Lady
Saw and Heard There
eve enter and take our seats.)
Young Lady-There, Mr.. Jenkins. I
told YOU we should not be late. You
see we have lots of time. OH did you
ever see such a horrid hat as Mrs
DeusenbEry Smith has got on? It's per-
fectly awful.
Woman behind US Gin hoarse
whisper)- What that girl can see in
jenkins never shall understand.
Her Companion-Men neither. They
say he owes thirty-seven dollars for
board to Mrs. Bowler, and she tells
me
Myself Excessively warm, is it not?
Young Lady-It' seems quite cool to
me. But see! here comes the pianist.
Signor Staccato. / think he is just
splendid.
Sig. S. Con the grand piano-pianis-
simo) -Tum, tumty, tum. Tumtytum
ta-a-a-a-a, etc.
Various persons in my immediate
neigh borhOod- say she's going
to be married again, and No, in
deed, for 1 told him just what 1
thought Of You don't say sol Well
L Yes, that's him right over there.
He She sings in the choir, and
must say Isn't he perfectly grand?
Sig. S. Cfortissimo) -Thumpetty-
thump-thump-thu bang!!
Young Lady-He is just wonderful
CTumultuous applause. Sig. 5. comes
back and does it some more).
Young Lady (when he has finished)
Il could listen TO him all night,
couldn't you?
Myself-I could. but it would make
me very sad. (My Lady Friend looks
dargers at me, and L see that l have
made mistake).
Woman behind us-How out of place
that jenkins looks at a classical con-
cert like this.
Myself Qeigning deep INTEREST,"
All, Miss Cantake is going TO sing.
High-priced Soprano-Unav oca poca
fa, etc,
Man in front of us-That woman has
been married three times. Her name
amt no more Cantake than mine is.
Her first husband was
Woman behind me-It cost dollar
seventy n yard, and ovid applause.
High-priced Soprano comes back and
bows but won't sing, Enter the gifted
artist, w. Macready Higgins).
Young Lady, am acquainted with
him. He is too awfully funny for any
thing. He told par that it came just
as natural to him as breathing.
w. NJ. IL. Giving his great imitation
of Irving)-Gud, gud, me lud. etc.
Man i'll front of me-Did you ever
see Irving?
His Companion-Yah He's no good.
can act, he can. Granite applause.
w. NJ. II. comes back and initiates
Lawrence Barrett, whom he represents
as an asthmatic individual with unmis-
taxable premonitory symptoms of the
blind staggers.)
Young Lady-Ain't he just too
splendid? He told par that Mr.. Barrett
saw him give that representation once,
and was so overcome that he had to
leave the hall.
Myself can readily believe that.
q am about to make further remarks
of sarcastic nature when-Enter Israel
Morgenstern, the talented American
violinist.)
LIN. (playing his great Revery in G
harp minor) wah, wah,
wahwahwah wo-o-o-o-w, etc, etc. q
gradually become oblivious to my sur
roundings, and am soon in the arms of
what-you-may-call him. 1 dream that
I have been chosen umpire in cat
fight, and that l am presently obliged
to decide against a large, blue-eyed
cat with a determined expression of
countenance, who IN his indignation
fiercelv attacks me. We fight for some
time with clothes-poles, and L am
presently stabbed in the arm. / awake
TO find that my Young Lady has stuck
a pin into me.
Infant Phenomenon Con the plat
form) Mabel, little Mabel, with her
face against the pane.
Myself-I'm afraid I've been doing.
Young Lady Gcilv)-YOu have slept
through two entire numbers.
Myself am very
Young Lady (ten degrees below ze-
ro)-You need not apologize.
Pastor of Church Qarge, portly man
with n voice like a fog-horn)-I am re-
quested by the Young Peoples Associ-
alton to thank the cOngre-I mean the
audience-for its attendance, and to
state that an oyster supper has been
prepared in the chapel. audience be-
comes interested.) Only fifty cents per
head will be charged, and the proceeds
will be used-thanks to the kindness of
the Young Peoples Association-to de-
fray your pahstor's expenses on his
coming lecture tour. Pahss through
INC uooI 10 Ihe right u am ABOUT Io
invite my Young Lady to partake of
bivalves. when l remember that have
only thirty-tiye cents in my pocket.
EIeunt, myself and my Young Lady
INTO the street. EIeu77t nearly every
one else into the chapel.)-F. Il.
StedTglS, TN ITd-Bits.
Chances of Matrimony.
A man who has studied the various
phases of the matrimonial market has