The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1886-01-28
WIT AND HUMOR.
AT FORTI-ONE.

Hut ah. gain 50 many things: find
a whole teIi-acre patch OF mental tnorns.
That scratch in vain patient, lr'ihqnii |
mind;
i find two loose shoes full of sleeping corns-
I'd not change lots with any younger man |
-Burdette.
"A hen that cacklcs when she's laid no egg.
Resembles. surely in a certain way;
Sweet " itliam Morris. Tor he says that ne
-RoXbnry Advocate.
81 haven't wrap" said she sweetly. one day,
Never a wrap TO wear.
l"And haven't q rap to buy you one.
Boston Budget.
Eternal Rome. seated ON seven hills.
i And big with conquest and amhii IONS lust,
Sent forth her lesions thick as Egypts hills,
10 grind expressing nations to the dust
And Rome still stands, immortal and sublime!
Her hamlet IS there where we may not nno
Her minlons now as III medieval time:
They still go forrh-their mission Still TO
grind.
/ o. the difference Butcher-''Porter-
house steak, MADAME Landlady-''No;
iboarding-house. "
Ii is a curious fact that rich relatives
are APT 10 be distant ones. harrington
i01) Free Press.
! Grover. SAYS the Pittsburg Chronicle.
thing about baseball after all.
German humor: Herr Professor. how
stlo YOU like my new tragedy Very
much. indeed. Especially the robbers
they are first rate. In fact, they are the
best thieves | ever heard of: even the
words they speak are stolen from other
books.
What do these letters stand for9
asked cnrious wife of her husband as
she looked At his Masonic seal. "Weli,
really, my love. he replied encourag-
angly. Il presume it is because they can't
sit down. She postponed further ques-
fiOning.
We dom mind taking country produce
occasionally in payment for subscrip-
Aion. but we do object to having SUBJ
scribers send in or 10 year old roosters
with a note attached to credit them with
Va pair of chickens. Kingston IN. e.
slte7niger.
In treating of the Adirondacks the
new History of Essex County SAYS in
an explanatory foot-note: This Indian
name is derived from Iroquois words
,&Ga-ron-dah' Orees) and 'Ha-des' Ghey
eat). Hence the word .Ha-de-ron-dacG'
tiwood or tree eaters. .''-Sdratoga Jour
ndi.
A stranger in the Capital City of Tex
as. who seemed to he lost. asked Gus de
Smith Say. how do | get to the rail-
road depot" Say what?" ''Say. how
do | get to the railroad depot?'' How
aio | get to the railroad depot? Any
thing else YOU want me to say? ?-Ier0s
kS1fingS.
! A correspondent wants TO know why
tt is that fashionable physicians always
make callers wait such an mcOnscion-
ably long time. Also. why it is that
such callers are ALWAYS so peryaded
with gloom. He asks if anybody ever
saw ANYBODY smile in a doctors recep-
fion-room.
Old gent-"Five dollars! What do
YOU wanr five dollars fors'' Tramp
want it to make mp my fare to Louis
Vile Got relatives there? NO
not exactly. hear they have whisky
pool there. and l want to be on hand
when it's opened to the public. ."-Patla-
deiphia call.
A negro minstrel in New York named
DlcNish. received terrible shock lately
from putting his hand on window
guard accidentally charged with elec-
fricitv. Ii looks as if Providence We're
lat last taking coenizance of the quality
tof the average minstrel's jokes. Chtca-
Ho ITibmne.
II was a Harvard sophomore who said
the other day when told that a girl had
Dnce taken the highest classical honors
of the college: 20, well, you know the
girls have nothing 10 do but study. We
fellows really have 81 much else to at
tend to that we don get much time for
'booksr'-BoSfon Record.
Gogglesop-...Very stupid girl. thai
Miss Wilpin." Hamworth-' How So?
:.'Why, you see. we were guessing conun-
idrums the other evening, and l asked
her what the difference was between my
Eelf and u donkey" '.Well?" well?
why, by .Jove. she said she didn't
know. Philadelphia Times.
Bank President-You say you are un-
&ble TO made the books balance? Cash
ter-Yes, sir There is shortage of
$4,000. President-H' m, / think it will
Ibe well 10 call in an expert accountant.
&ashier-That won't be necessary. sir.
10 strike balance YOU have only 10
call in my bondsmen.-N 7. San.
Deacon Bucrag had been invited 10
address the Sunday-school, and, as he
WAS poor talker. plunged at once into
the story OF Jonah and the whale
l''Now, dear children he concluded.
I''is not that a nice story?" Yes. sir.
geplied one of the smallest of the dear
children. its a nice story. but it s 4
chestnut. ~. T. Times.
J.. ID
fhere are older ones than you at the
table" said Mrs. Shavepenny. in reply
no remark the gentleman at the head
OF the table made. Il am painfully well
aware OF the fact, ma a'am," was Grim
Eonbeak's only reply, as he shut his teeth
Hnd made another attempt TO saw the
bird Yonkers Statesman.
An lister County (New York; Young
woman sued a Young man for kissing
her 100 times against her will. and lost
Aer case. The court probably thought
fhat young woman who could keep
such an accurate tally of the kisses given
and received could have arrested pro-
eeedings before 100 We're given if she
had been very anxious TO do so.
Sixty-three of the students of Wesleyan
university, Ohio, We're severely repri-
manded for attending performance of
-'Richard Ill. The faculty of the col
4ege, it is inferred, labor under the i'm
pression that Richard ILL.," is a. spec
facular drama. with ballet of thirty
fhree young ladies of assorted ages and
mo skirts. -NOfristo'cR Herald.
What makes it so dark in the stable
when the sun goes down." inquired the
little bay filly in the loose box. .'Be-
cause, child" replied the gray cart-horse
lin the stall, ''this is the equine nox"
i''What kind of an OK could that be?'
asked the Berry OK in the next apart
anent; and then all the family in the
great, dark barn kept silent, while the
little mule with zebra legs sang, 40,
Ray, ma'ma!''-Brookty1s Eagle.
Recently in Sunday-school not far
from Springfield, Mass, the superinten-
dent had given out to be sung hymn No.
6 in the Gospel Hymns. when an i'm
pulsive singer started off with solo of
NO. in the Sunday-school Quarterly,
(which reads:
Il was wandering sheep,