The Irish standard., 1886-06-12
4 STANDARD" B BREVITIES

DlANUAIGUl .,s 51s Ill llluo'
The baby's paradise I,apland.
Texts for the dishonest t-Pretexts.
..s; The best cure for felon-The peni-
tentiary.
The more checks spendthrift gets
the faster he goes.
Always pronounced wrong, even by
the best scholars-Wrong
Glaciers take pleasure ia the thought
shat this is a world of pane.
The temperance movement on Staten
Island is entirely surrounded by water,
Great hardsnips-The new steel gray
hounds of the SEQ that come into port.
People who are always wishing fol
something new should try NEUralg1s
once.
Polite society-a place where manners
pass for too much and morals tor toe
little.
The man who tried to light his pipe
with q billiard match did it out Of cue.
riosity. )
A sentiment for workingnen-Every
man for himself, and the devil take the
hind Most.
California has post Office which bears
the name of Musick. It is great place
for notes
The kind of Goth used in making the
dudes clothing should be appropriate
also for dollmans.
The Spaniards are delighted over their
new baby king; but wait till he begins
to show his teeth!
The nude craze is suffering areaction.
The New York Hotel Mail says no I'M
dressed poultry should be permitted to
be sold in the market.
a New Jersey young woman was
heard to express a wish that it would
ssrain husbands" After marriage she
would want to reign herself
.Murat Halstead has son in each OF
the four classes of Princeton College. In
this way he gets four totally different
gersions of every class row,
Another Of Raphael's pictures has
been found in a western town. The fire.
nuency OF occurrences of this sort gives
rise to the belief that Raphael was not
painter, but the proprietor Of chrome
foundry.
When an Arkansas man enpties his
revolver into crowd and furnishes ma
terial for half-a-ilozen funerals, the peo-
pie remark, e'Bill is q good fellow, and
he's got warm heart; but he's 80 i'm
prlsiye, you know" I"
4 French chemist has condensed his
wife into the space of an ordinary seal,
and wears her in q ring on his little
finger. A dead wife is better of on her
husbands little finger than live one
under his thumb.
4 rich ranchman advertises in the
New York Journal for 81 wife. We pre-
su1ne be will be easily accommodated.
When girls wed calves every day in the
week, they will hardly hesitate to marry
q couple Of thousand beef cattle.
Everything comes to him who waits.
The farmer who all through, the winter
has been wondering what he was going
to DO with them pesky turnips, now
finds ready sale for them to the dealer
in pure grated horse radish,
He Iect,1rel on unions and labor.
And wildly he brandished his fist;
He told them to take gun and sabre
Aud go for the capitalist.
He told them they never need 'cnmber
Their thoughts with respect fer the law;
He said he was one Of their number-
But all that he worked was his jaw!
Mr.. Buddensie]l, the New York build
er of man-trap dwelling-houses, is now
in Sing Sing for q stay of ten years.
BY a study Of the solid walls of that in
stitatior during that time he ought to
acquire some valuable ideas in architec-
ture.
Among the congratulations sent Presi-
dent Cleveland was the following:
"T'unerals and weddings are both bores,
and the chief differences between them
is that in the first your troubles are
ended, and the second they have just
commenced" 1t is safe to say that the
person who sent this cynical message
will not get any of the wedding cake.
They we're strolling down the garden
path. these two, where the fragrance OF