Morning journal and courier., 1886-05-05

e1t's very funny thing" remarked Bass meditatively. t'I sat by the river all day with bated breath, and never caught a thing" Rambler.
 Dr. Hammond is still insisting that gen eration of bald heads is coming, and the doctor must be right, for very recent baby we saw the other day was born that way Doctors are great men.-Merchant Traveller.
 phenomenal base ball pitcher who struck out twenty-seven men in a recent game says the secret of curve pitching can be learned by watching woman trying to hit hen with astone.-Philadelphia Her ald.
 'tHow much is the shoes?" "FiYe dollars /" t'Fivel That's more'n I'll pay. Pll give ye two." ''No." "No? I say l will give ye two." "Well, won't take two. Move on. " "Faith, I'll not. I'll sthan' here till ye take two. An eff yez don't take two, we'll arbi- trate. Puck.
 Strange (to country storekeeper) you tell me where I can find James Holt, who wrote this recommendation for Coffin $ consumption cure? He lives here, believe" " Merchant-''He did before" Stranger "Before whata" Merchant-sBefore he died of consumption. "-New York Graphic. He: ''And you are sure, Sarah you don't love nes I have been persistent, 1 know,
 but wanted your love. Don't you think you'll miss me4' She: 'I don't know. see SO much of you that I don't know wheth- CT I'd miss you or not. Give me fair trial, and stay away month. won't youF" lie (bitterly): "A month! Might as well cali 1t yearh She: ''Well, let's call it year, then "-Tid- Bits.
 Petroleum is the topic of the office, draw ing room and workshop, and great part of our people think only of oil, talk oil and dream oil.
 Miss Jennie Smith, the railroad evangelist,
 who has been laboring here, when leaving the other day, approached at the train Cap tain V, a well known operator, who was standing on the platform, took him by the hand, as is her custom, and asked: "Brother, how are youa Are you on the rock or sandg'
 The captain bsent-mindedly but exoitedly replied: ''We are two bits in the sand and gushing like blazes. ."-Pittsburg Press.
 Little Johnny was saying his prayers be- fore retiring and when he came to 'SGive us
 this day our daily bread, {" he stopped. "Giye us this day." suggested his mother in a whisper "Yes'm, know it, but I don't l want to say that part" he replied. "Why not? You always say it." s1 know it, but
 1 don't want to say it tonight" ''Tell mamma why you don't want to say it. "Be- cause-because-if said that God might up and ask me why the mischief l didn't eat the bananas I stole off the fruit stand on the corner and hid in the alley, and not be ask ing him for bread all the time. ."-Merchant Traveller.
 A man afflicted with deafness took pre- scription to Topeka druggist, who filed il | with care and in the latest style. The deal
 man asked the price, when the following
 talk occurred: Druggist Cleaning on the l counter and smiling in wont-you pay -ur 1 sort of a manner) )-''The price is seyenty-fve cents" Deaf Customer-"Five cents!
 Here it is." Druggist Gin louder voicel-
 'sSeventy-fve cents, please" Deaf Custom er-"Well, there's your five cents" Drug gist Gin very loud voice and very firm man nerl-sI said seventy five cents." Deaf 1 do YOU want9 I just gave you five cents' l Druggist (sotto voee)-"Well, go to thunder l with your medicine; I made three cents, any way Drug Record.