The Southern herald., 1886-05-01

| SNAAy va al correspondence requiring
delicacy. We undertake to prepar,
their letters for them, of whatever kind
some of them have long business let
ters, some ordinary communication
TO friends, some epistles of a NOR,
sentimental kind. Then there ar,
business people who want advertise
ments prepared or circulars got up
and some who issue regular periodical
pamphlets. All of that kind of worI
We undertake"
"And perform with neatness anc
aispatch," supplemented the reporter
Precisely" said the other, and hi
face relaxed.
What does the poetic department
comprehend" the reporter inquired.
"Ah! that is becoming moro patron.
ized than you would imagine. There
are quite number Of people who want
verses for one thing or another. There
are patent medicine and perfume peo.
pie. There are milliners and tailor.
and shoemakers and tradesmen of ey-
cry kind who advertise their wares in
verse. 1t Is attractive, and if YOU gel
up catchy lines they take. Then there
are many ladies and gentlemen in
society who pretend to a culture they
nave not got. They sometimes COM
NIT themselves to writing a sentiment
or an acrostic or piece for an album
or something of that kind. Well, the
bulk of them could hardly rhyme
dove to love anG tii up the inter
vening spaces with words that mean
any thing. SO we come to the rescue
and provide them with verses adapted
for album, letter, recitation or anv
emergency which in social life might
arise"
do not you find IL little difficult
TO give some subjects a poetic fiavorp"
mot at all. Why, we have a lot of
stock poems on hand that fit mostly
every thing. 1t is only now and then
we need to prepare the custom-made
article. You see, nearly every one who
wants poem for social purposes has
some girl in his eye he wants it written
up to. 1t may be intended for album
or valentine or presentation. It's all
one There's always a girl in the case,
and all that's needed Is to make the
poem match her complexion. That Is
necessary. 4 is fatal error to liken
strawberry blondes hair to a ravens
wing or talk of black-haired darling's
rlngletS being molten gold. That will
not do. And a girl with an eve like a
sloe will object nine times out of a
possible ten if her optics are painted in
verse Of a heavenly blue. Ii argues
carelessness, Indifference and made
4uate attention on the part of the writ
Or, u it does not suggest plagiarism and
misappropriation of lines addressed
% an entirely different girl. Our posi-
'ion is obvious. We prepare lines
adapted to all kinds of hair, eyes and
'heeks, and all variations and combina.
ions thereof. Having these in stock
We are prepared to face the public de-
nand calmly and fearlessly."
"But have you not to express differ
mt sentiments?"
"Only tive kinds-th fever heat love
and the discreetly friendly
dea. Formerly any one who had any |
lse for poetry wanted only the first
md. But now, since breach of prom
Sc suits are waxing frequent and
'plstolary evidence is playing the mis-
'hlef in courts, the swain doesn't care
o commit himself in verse. So be
lraws it light" .s
"You prepare speeches, tooPn
Lots Oh them-political, religious,
clehtlhc or post-prandial, as the case
nay be. We are prepared to furnish
hem for all occasions, from a Con
ressional discussion of the tariff to A
ollege commencement day. There is
choice collection already prepared
nd on hand for public dinners. The
'asoh for them is approaching. Un-
er the heads of responses to The day
e celebrate Our sister societies. and
The ladies' we have an assortment of
Il sizes fitted for any emergency
"But how can they be used on
,ecial occasionsp''
Nothing easier. We prepare the
"a neat introduction.
brightly but general, few anecdotes
proper maturity, references to
lendly feelings in the past and hopes I
their continuance. That is all that +
required. That is all there is in most .
these speeches anyway. If there is h
" local color or individual references
be made we throw them in when d
dered to leave the speaker to supply il
EMF he thinks he is able. It's ali ]
ry simple." /,
but you do not grapple with II
eighty tOpicsP" v
Don't we? The heavier the better. r
e never sbirk scientific paper if we il
20 the data Any thing that the f,
clop"dia or circulating library can Il
ach We are prepared for. In fact. IL
'h work is comparatively easy. The Il
rdest nuts to crack are commence "
mt day orations. The subjects n n
lduate generally tackles would knock q
irwin, Ruskin and John Stuart Mill n
y. As soon as a collegian looms up CT
have to hunt for ponderous litera- tC
q and tho Aaaw,oot Al..L :,