Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1886-02-08

JuStifiable hOmiclde-Sleighing girls.
If a man is to die by inches he wants to
be tall.
They say those artificial eggs cannot be
beaten.
Auctoneers have nod way of receiv-
ing bids.
A misplaced switch-When the wrong
boy is whipped.
A snow-plow is like bad habit-A
good thing to cut adrift.
We fail to see any difference between a
travelling dress and walking suit.
ga miss is as good as a mile," and a
great deal better. You can't kiss mile
Constant reader. Yes, you are right
Water can run and leap, but it cannot
jump.
If you only practice long enough at set
ting steel trap, you are sure to get your
hand in.
There is some hope for the dudes at
last. A Sacramento man has invented
calf-weaner.
A man about to build house advertis-
es for proposals. Why don't the girls
try that plan?
| Lazyness is good deal like money
the more a man haz ov it the more he
seems tew want.
The barrel, though not generally known
as musical instrument, is nearly all
slaves and chimes.
In what respect might boy on his
way to the circus be said to resemble the
sailor? In going to see.
woman never so fully realizes her de-
pendence upon man as when she under
takes to sharpen lead pencil.
A lovesick poet says that kiss is ''the
meeting of two souls" Very true, and
it is protracted meeting, too.
Japanese girls bronze their lips, and it
is a significant fact that they always re-
quire rebronzing Monday mornings.
They are going down to dinner: He
May 1 sit on your right hand? She-Oh
1 think you had better take chair He
did.
''Metals are more active" wrote the
market reporter, whose wife had hasteneC
his exit that morning with flying fiat
iron.
'sSee mammal" exclaimed little girl
as she looked out Of the window during
snow storm, ''see the popped rain come
down."
Entering the asylum for inebriates, h
asked: ''Do you treat drunkards here?
eyes, SIR" "Well, I'm one. Where
yer barr"
An old rounder says that paralysis il
caused by canned goods. 1t is also Ger
tain that some of it comes through bot
tied goods.
Proofreader, (to editor)-Is this ''littl
bother or ''little brother in your man
uscript? Editor (who has one Ut doesn'
make any difference.
A citizen of Hope, Indiana, droppe
dead while washing his hands and face
And yet, says a local paper, some peopl
will persist in fooling with water.
Chauncey Dephew is authority for tn
story that woman on Long Island sal
that she had eaten so many CLANS tina
her waist rose and fell with the tide.
"Pa,' said little Kentucky boy
"what is Il ghost of Il smile?" ga ghos
of a smile," the father replied, '.is some
thing that is found in empty bottles
woman in Georgia lived 4S days O
water and then died. Water is prett
thin diet, for a fact, but we know som
I sailors who have lived nearly all thei
lives on water.
There is but one way to keep the gir
away from the skating rinks. Just stal
the story that skating makes the fee
grow big. and not IL solitary female wi
ever be seen at a rink.
In regard to modern languages it
said that the Chinese is the most Difficult
We find this out when we try to explai
to our Chinese laundryman that a pair
our socks is missing
Billy's little sister had fallen and hui
her nose, and she cried il great deal owe
it. Hearing his mother tell her to b
careful lest she'd spoil it next time, i
said What's the good of nose to hel
She never blows it,