Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1886-09-11
PRESS pICKINGs.


some living, but judging from the number
of his posthumous works l should guess
he wrote more dead. "-New York Mail.
Berthe" Mr.. Schuyler, are you a very
strong man?' Schuyler-"No. not so
very strong, BERTHE" BERTHE" What did
pa mean, then, when he told sister at the
breakfast-table to-day that he saw you with
heavy load on last night ?'-7he Judge.
An American baseball player was in
Belfast and when the riot broke out, and
he saw clubs flourishing and heard pistols
popping he began TO grow homesick. When
the excitement subsidized, he asked
strangeri if the umpire had eScaped.-Nor
riSto,ra Herald.
"Gimme a mint julip," said stranger
in an Atlanta bar-room, and don't make
it too sweet" No liquors sold here, sir"
replied the bartender. This is a prohibit
ton Town. you want anything to drink
you We got to buy quart bottle of straight
whisky. '-Nep York San.
"Ah, Bagley home again? How's Mrs.
B; and Aurelia? ~ Still at Newport"
" Enjoying themselves2' Immensely.
Mrs. b. goes bathing, and Aurelia goes fish
ing" Fishingl l didn't know that fish
ing was good at Newport" % didn't say
she was fishing for fish. '-Piiladelphia Cal.
A romantic young lady obtained recently
the desire of her heart-she met the poet
laureate at dinner, and the sympathetic
hostess even arranged that she should be
placed next to him. One remark, and one
alone, did the poet address 10 the gushing
maiden at his side and it was this, like
my mutton in wedges. London Letter.
Omaha man" Just from Belfast ~ New
Arrival-"Yis, begorry. an hard worruck it
was TO tear meself away wild SO much fun
goin on" "Fun?" Yis, yez call it
riotin' in this country, hear " All l
see. According to the cable the fighting
has been going on every day. " livery day ?
Do yez take US for hathens? Sure we stop
on Sunday. "-OmahG Bee.
~ see," he said, as he met an old soldier
comrade at the City Hall yesterday, that
our Generals are having hot dispute as to
which of them contributed the most to
save the day at Gettysburg. You were
there, 1 believer" Yes, but | have no
right to talk" For why" Because l
was simply private soldier, and only had
three bullets shot into me r. Detroit Free
Press.
Ancient Dame" Yes, my dear, a wife
should be true helpmate to her husband,
and l am glad you have 10 desire for idle
ness" Modern Mrs. NJ" No, indeed; l
am always busy" Ancient Dame" When
was young l did every bit OF the family
sewing" Modern Mrs. n. =" Well, l
haven't done any sewing yet, but have
decorated seventeen work baskets" -
Omaha Herald.
mamma" said Miss Penelope Waldo,
of Boston, " | don't like this Mr.. Breezy,
from the West, whom we met last night.
He is extremely uncouth." Howl in
quired the old lady. 1--WE were discussing
horseback riding, and he said that he
rarely used the saddle, and rode bareback
on almost all occasions. Of course. one
can dispense with the saddle, if he wishes,
but for anybody to ride about in his bare
back is unnecessarily Western" And the
old lady thought so too.-N. Y. Times.
Stranger lat watering place resort)-
what is that enormous building across
Stranger-"And that large handsome brick
structure ?'' Guide" That's the club
house. sir" Stranger-"I see. Well,
what's that long, odd-looking building be-
hind the inclosure?" Guide" The grand
stand at the race course stranger-"Ob,
yes. It's all very beautiful, but l should
think the authorities would remove that
unsightly little frame building adjoining
the hotel away from the main thorough
fare 1t mars the general effect. What is
it? Some sort of a hen-house?" Guide
No. sir. That's a church. "-Nc,U York
Sun.
A young man at the risk of his life saves
n beautiful young girl from drowning. Her
grateful father seized the rescuer of his
daughter by the hand, and in voice trem-
ulous with emotion, said: Noble youth,
to you l am indebted for everything that
makes life dear to me. Which reward will
you tahe-$200,000 or the hand of my
daughter Pr III take the daughter" re-
piled the heroic rescuer, thinking thereby
to get both the girl and the money. You
have well chosen" replied the grateful
father; i could not have given you the
800 900 just yet anyhow, as / have not laid
up that amount, being only poor editor,
but my daughter is yours for life. Take
her and be happy. God bless you, my
| children p'-Teras Sittings.
The minister's wife sat on the front porch
mending the clothes OF one of her numer
Gus progeny. 4 neighbor passing that way
stopped in for a friendly chat. a large
work basket half full of buttons sat on the
| floor of the porch. After various remarks
of cosby nature the visitor said " You
seem to be well supplied with buttons, Mrs.
Goodman Yes, very well indeed
| MY gracious if there amt two of the
same buttons that my husband had on his
| winter suit Id know 'em anywhere"
Indeed?-' said the minister wife, calmly
II am surprised to hear it, as all these but
| tons were found in the contribution box.
| thought / might as well put them to
some use, so what, must you go? Well,
! be slre to call again soon. "-5ferctdm
| TrIrc}er