News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-04-29

he chill Salu, L suppose you are Ilum-
busH You are right" said he. Then
the chief turned to his men and said,
There is no help for it; we are discov-
cred at last '"-L0nclon Stdnddrd.
BULLDoZED BY AN EDITOR.
Editor (shivering in his night gar
ments and peering over the banister
into the gloom below)-Who's down
there?
Voice below--A burglar.
E. with his teeth chattering)-I
thought so. Did you shut the door be-
hind you when you came in?
Burglar didn't.
Ell was sure you didn't The blast
coming up stairs is half freezing me
Is it not enough that l am made the
victim of such neglect all day at my
office without having you come around
here in the dead of night and adding
to my misery? Go back and shut the
door.
The conscience stricken burglar at
once retraced his steps and shut the
door from the outside, leaving the edi-
tors vaults unrifed-Boston Courier.
sNowBoUND.
A train coming out of Dakota the
other day was snowbound at one spot
for seventeen hours, and at two other
places it took six engines to pull three
coaches through the drifts. There was
a great deal of grumbling among the
passengers, and finally man from Chi
cago turned to a stranger who had as
yet uttered no sound, and said:
h o,,&
this?"
ooh, no, sir" was the ready reply.
81 am on my way to Omaha to get out
a pamphlet calling cverybody's atten-
tion to this genial and fertile territory,
and the longer l am detained the more
the drifts will settle. "-WaU Street
Neaos.
HOW HE FELT.
And how are yez f.lin, today, Mr..
O'Rafferty7"
az niver felt so poorly in me life. I'm
to poor to buy the nicessaries of life. If
l had millions it's livery cint of it that
I'd give to be rich man."
I'm wild ye, Mr.. O'Rafferty. If l
owned the whole wurld I'd be willin'
ter give it away for a little piece of
land an cabin that l could call me
own."-1eras Sytings.
'What kind of fowl do you call
this2" asked boarder of a K-st. land
lady, as he sawed away at a piece on
his plate.
"Why, Mr.. Jones, that's duck-the
real, genuine canvas back" she an
IN
Canvas back, eh?" he queried
''Well, 1 should say the canvas had
slipped around front. Bring me pair
of scissors. - Washington Crit c.
VERY LIKE PANIC.
'My dear" said woman to her hus-
band, in an agitated voice, as the cur
tain descended after the second act,
''there is certainly a panic and 1 think
I smell fire."
"Calm yourself" he replied as he felt
for his hat, there is no panic. Only a
few gentlemen going out for a smoke
I'll be back in a minute. ."-Nelo York
Times.
DECLINED TO BE swINDLED.
Oil City Man Cat box office)-What's
the price of reserved seats?
Agent-One dollar and a half. How
many do yon want?
Oil City Man-Not any. Inever paid
more'n thirty-fve cents for reserved
seats, an I've seen every show that's
been in Oil City since old brakes well
was boarded up.
DANGER ATTACHED TO COUPLING.
AZ wonder that you never get mar
ried, said Mrs. Yeast to young Grim
sonbeak, a brakeman on the railroad.
81 don't see why you should wonder.
We railroad men never marry, you
know"
"How's that2"
"Oh, we understand the danger that
is attached to coupling, you know. -
Y0nkerS Statesman.
AN UNEXPECTED TWIST.
Suitor-Sir, you are undoubtedly
aware of the object of my visit2
Father l believe you desire to make
my daughter happy. Do you really
mean it?
-UnquestiOnably.
Father-Well, don't marry her then.
-Fliegende Bl0tter.
LUCK WAS AGAINST HIM.
eyes, things have gone hard with
Tom, I'm afraid. What is he doing
uow?"
Gle is conductor on parlor car"
"Poor fellow; just his luck! Why
couldn't he have got porter's position2"
-L0lceU Citizen.
ANOTHER KIND OF BUSINESS.
'I met Squibbs, the tailor, at the
labor meeting last night, and be sat at
the same table with the reporters"
Taking notes, eh?"
''No, confound him, he wasn't. He
wanted cash. ."-Pack.
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
If you do not know a man very well,
lend him S. and you will know him bet
ter
'THE bravest are the tenderest," ex-
cept in the case of spring chickens of |
last spring.
YES, MY son, the husband is conven-
tionally the head of the family; but it |
may be worth remarking that some fam
lilies are constructed On the pyramidal |
idsllloh-IlIe hlosC lhslShluCahC part AT
the top.-Boston Transcript.
DoCToR-You need more sleep, my
friend. That is the whole trouble with
you. What is your business? Patient
I'm a policeman. Doctor-Then it
must be something else, but l surely
thought it was loss of sleep. After all,
perhaps you don't take enough exer-
else
A LITTLE girl in one of the Hudson
River towns went to her first party re-
Gently, and was escorted home by