The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-11-11

any moon or not The programme Is car
RED out literally 10 the letter, IN spite OF
the moon. This is one phase of the ele-
ments over which the moon has no control
No sooner have l wrapped the last lit
tie Hobbs in the mesmeric mantle OF Nor
pheus copyright applied for) than that
monster in cat-shape mounts the partition
fence directly under my bedroom window
and proceeds to make night hideous. First
he runs the scale up and down a few dozen
times in rapid succession. TO see that all
his vocal chords are in tune, and then he
strikes up the grand overture. BY this time
the little Hobbses are ell wide awake, and
keeping u fine accompaniment to his cat
ships alto trombone solo.
After the grand overture he invariably
treats us TO quick-step waltz in B-fat
minor, followed by funeral march in
seven sharps. These are numerously sand
wiched, however, with comic songs and
dramatic Rotations executed in his most
inimtable style. BY way of diversity he
Frequently throws in some of his wonder
ful limitations, in which he initiates every
kind OF musical instrument from the
brass band to the c9lliopa
In vain l have demonstrated and argued
with him, and tried TO convince him that
We are not family with musical ear.
have endeayored to show him that he is
wasting his melody on the desert air. but
he don't seem to care n continental.
have even gone so far as to use moral sua-
sion; but / find that cat don't "hankei
arter" moral suasion, especially the Sii
Thomas species of the male persuasion.
On those occasions he was wont TO thrust
his right hand into his pants pocket and
his left thumb into the arm-hole of his vest,
while he closed one eye and lured mali
ciously at me with the other as much as to
say, "What do you take me for, cully?"
As last resort | have tried TO bride him,
and have generously tossed him all the
available chattels on the premises, includ-
ing, the boot-jack tongs, poker, rolling
pin, and many other useful articles, but to
no avail. He doesn't seem to appreciate my
magnanimity.
Once tried to feed the coal-scuttle to
him, but his mouth was not quite large
enough to receive it, and it went all over
him, and he rolled off the fence with cat
erwaullop that would have made bald
headed mans hair stand on end, and for
an instant all was as silent as the tranquil
tomb. | had begun to congratulate myself
that / had waited his troubled soul into the
sweet by and by; but was doomed to dis
appointment for it wasn't five minutes un-
III MS 1ellneSnlp was again on the renee,
with his head tied up in red bandana
handkerchief and his arm in sling, while
he was warbling rs merrily as ever.
l have but one more hump to play, and
the game is ended. / have sent to Chi
cago for one of the latest improved an
archist dynamo bombs, and if that fails TO
dampen his musical ardor there will be q
house in our part of town for rent.
LATER. Our minister has just informed
me that the soul of cat is not immortal.
This is balm for my broken and bleeding
heart, for the thought that when / get to
heaven l shall find that cussed cat sit
ting on my backyard fence, under my bed
room window, playing on a hand organ,
would be more than could bear. Chicago
Led1er.