The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1886-12-29
SC SARCASM OF NAMES.
.,ss of Anything but Appro-
priateness.

bnny names people give to
- .si,drep, anyhow, writes Bob Bur-
yot the high-sounding, or fanci-
nmsptic names; they do well
although they do harmonize ill
- hair and freckles sometimes.
..I GOOD, sensible names. even
~ T names I mean. Now, one Of
~. With whom | went to school
s.msd Newton, Isaac Newton. His
"A heaven and mathematics were
,r cell founded. / shall never
,h;s smazement when the teacher
"a him that two and two made
Re stuck out for seven for long
and at length agreed to leave it
IA, class, and when we unanimously
SsS in favor of four he said it was
sstiu'est thing ever happened to
The day be learned that an apple,
ii from The tree, would fall down
r,,d Of up, he sat without speaking
[ord All day, dumb under the over
kering burden of this revelation that
unou him like the world-renowned
z q thunder out Of a clear sky. And
3 day, overhearing the teacher de-
r. that the sun was more than twice
Ihrge IS the earth he gathered up his
N, and said he couldn't stand any
T. Of this nonsense. He never came
n to school. He got place as clerk
|, coal.yard, where his immovable
M in the doctrine that two and two
Ia seven, and the attraction of gravi-
un makes things fall up. SO that the
kH anything weighs the heavier it
,yed bis way to a partnership and
!. wealth. He kept on knowing
and less every day, until now he is
bas sminently respectable citizen.
kAsu there was young Solomon Wise
q He stood at the foot of the same
y five years; that was the lowest
y in school. He never got out of it
. The teacher: Can fish live on the
Wisemanp' And Solomon thought
umsnt and said: "Yes'm." Then
nid no. and explained why they
ldn't and then asked, Gould they
In the airP" and he said, cheerfully,
lam" But she said no. and explain
Ivhy, and then asked, "But they could
bin the water. couldn't theyP" And
le Wiseman said, very confidently,
ame" She said they could, and this
outraged him. He never came 50
y answering a question correctly
10. He staid in school five years.
ing which time he drove two teachers
uicide He is q rich man now and
nsmber Of q local board of civil-ser-
nniorm. When he left school he
d place down at the gas works, and
unfailing capacity for making every
hg mean exactly what it didn't say
70 the invention Of the gas-meter,
dp be sped on to fortune.
Wy do you know, could give a
"a instances of these nisnomers.
m was Jerry Blackhart, not Jere-
ah, but Jeroboam. He was a half
Nd Indian, son Of old Col. Blackhart,
miserable old thief of an Indian
dG. who called this boy Jeroboam to
4 The chaplain Of the post. That boy
tlred his worthless old father, and
mddn't have his name changed fol
ralng. though everybody shortened
n!srry. But he was the whitest boy
Aat school. He never used a word
y oppression that he couldn't have
ain Sanday-school. He was the SOU
looor, and was religious clea1
Ugh. He got up q noon prayer
dng in school and it led to a reviv
md he is q missionary to-day work
smong his brethren in the Far West
lad there was Nick Doolittle; he wa,
busiest boy in school. He read b.
Wight until he was bald at II, studied
nasf into brain-fever at 18; then b,
ecne q civil engineer; laid out rail
q, iaster than the Gould family coult
eols them up, and every time he get
aally busy he discharges two O
y n clerks because, he says, they ge
as way and retard his work. Fact is
ant tell much about a boy by hi
~ except in the old-time Sunday
aooi books where the good boys ar,
sss named John and Charles AM
bed Onea ara called Rob ard R;ll