davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06

81 must insist on your silence, or l can
not GO on.
You could have heard pin drop, and
The curtain rose again.
| Professor Smartee picked up singing
book, glibly explaining how we'll his trained
rats could sing. Call for a tune, gentle
men,"
| A voice demanded Yankee Doodle
! The Professor began clearing his throat
Ind walking to and fro. Give me the
pitch, Thomas" he said, hating in front
: of big tom-cat, at the same time silly
stepping on his caudal appendage.
| "Ye-e-ow!" cried Tom, giving the pitch
! with a vengeance.
Screams of laughter greeted this per-
Torrance again, and down went the cur
| tain, bang.
Bob danced with rage. His own mother
would not have known him. He yelled for
silence until he was nearly hoarse, and,
when order was once more restored, he
gave them one more trial.
Up rose the curtain.
Now let us sing!" SO he began to sing,
rushing excitedly back and forth and step
ping ON each of the forty tails as ne went.
Such caterwauling was never heard,
nor such an uproar. The boys and men
! were wild with delight.
bOD knew he HUI Sol " iue emu VI his
rope, and the curtain fell for the last time.
| You have violated my conditions. l
cannot proceed; l think, friends, you have
got your moneys worth of fun. But will
sing you few solos not laid down in the
| programme.
SO Bob sang some college songs in his
best manner, danced o jig, and turned a
somersault as finale to a ridiculous negro
melody. The crowd departed, we'll pleased
with their evenings entertainment.
Bob had heavy pocket that night, and
repeated his entertainment in several cities
until his loss was made good
Strange to say, from that time he never
touched cards or liquor again. The wild
youth settled down into a steady man.
From lawyer he rose to be a Judge,
and grave, dignitied Judge Robert Smart
bore little resemblance to Professor Smar-
tee, the categorical exhibitor; but, at q
great temperance meeting given in Central
| New York, he told of his own reformation
and the story of his Categorical Exhibi-
ton"
A one legged veteran stumped up to him
and, wringing his hand, said, "Jedge,
wus thar, an yer never made speech be-
| fore nor since as good as the one wher
they uOuldnt keep still"
Doctors, lawyers, ministers, and lesser
dignitaries on the stand laughed until they
cried at this testimony to the Judges elo-
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06
Some MilliOna;res.

At the orera the otter night was a
young newspaper man wEo knows good
many people He sat in a free seat, at
tired in borrowed d ess suit, and with
barely enough cash in his pockets to pay
the ice cream and street car fare for the
elegant young lady of good family and
fine accomplishments who had accepted
his es ort Between the acts he begged
to be excused, and retired for few mo-
mcnts to the foyer, where he was seen in
conversation with large, plain looking
man and handsome man with a brown
mnstache.
Il don't like to speak of such things, -
he said to the young Lady on returning to
his seat, "as | think that Boosting OF
ones wealth is about the most vulgar
thing out. But it is singular coinci
dence that while 1 was standing in the
foyer just now two gentlemen came up
and entered into conversation with me.
AS we were talking happened to think
that the three of us were worth four
million and a half dollars"
"Indeed." queried the lady, who had
not known him long.
'Yes. Marshall Field is worth three
million, George Pullman one million, and
| think could manage to scare up the
other half dollar myself. = C.ncago
Htr0IG.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06
He Made an Important Omission.

"Why don't you speak TO me?" said
one Texas editor to another, as they
met one day in Austin, where they were
on visit from their rural homes. I'VE
have been old friends for years. What's
the matter?"
u visited your town not long ago."
"Yes."
Il called on you in your sanctum?"
"Yes, and made note of it in my
paper; didn't you see it? l said, Yes
terday we had the pleasure of q call
from the talented editor of the Tcran
Jack Rabbit"
II know you did," said the other,
gloomily, "but you made an important
omission"
what was that?"
you neglected to add, He was look
ing we'll. That is always customary,
and you know it. When an editor re-
cords visit from another editor and
fails to say, He was looking WE'LL he
violates the laws of editorial hospitality.
Don't let it happen again as you value
my friendship"
The editor who had negected an i'm
portant duty to brother gu II driver
apologized profusely and peace was re-
stOred.-TecGs SiJtinqs.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06
TEACHERS IN GEORGIA.
ell-Informed Young Man Who Had
Never Heard of Pronouns.


Never Heard of Pronouns.
in a middle Georgia county, not
hundred years ago, several applicants
for positions as teachers of public
schools were undergoing an exam ma
on before the Board of Education.
One young man appeared to be I'M
usually we'll informed. He answered
all sorts of questions in geography and
arithmetic, and the members of the
Board began to think they had scov-
cred treasure. The chairman of the
Board exam ned the young man in
English grammar. Nouns, arti, les,
adiectives were safely passed, and then
the chairman asked: What is pro-
noun? "Never heard of it," replied
the young man. "Never heard of q
pronoun ?" "No, I never did. that's
strange" Cant help it; l never
heard of a pronoun, and I don't bel eve
you ever d ether" "Do you mean
to tell me that you didn't find anything
about pronouns in your grammar"
"No, I didn't find anyth ng about pro-
nouns in my grammar. The chairman
| took the book and examined it. he
pages relating to pronouns had been
torn out. "Humph!" he calculated,
gazing at the young man in a dazed
sort of way, such monumental fool
as you can never teach public school
in this county" And yet there were
fools just as monumental then tcaclin G
in that very county. Here are some
incidents of different nature that will
serve to illustrate the qualifications OF
the average teacher: One day the pu-
pills of mixed school in Southwest
Georgia county were asked the ques-
ton, "Who is Alexander II. Stephens,
and where does he ive?" Out of $50
that heard the question but one at
tempted to answer. One young man
said he thought Alexander H. Stephens
was the Governor of Washington City.
Yet that school had for more than ten
years been presided over by teachers
regarded as among the best in the
State. In the preparatory department
of leading Georgia college the ques-
ton was once asked, "What is meant
by the Alabama claims" Net one of
the students could answer, although
several of them were grown men, and
at least five of them were studying for
the ministry. Some time ago young
man bearing the highest testimonials
from his teachers applied for admission
into junior class Of a Georgia college.
In the course of his preliminary exam
nation he was asked, "Where is Afri-
ca?" Imagine the collapsed condition
of the learned Professor who asked the
question when he heard the young man
answer, africa is in Virginia "-At.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06
Ancient Highlan.lers.

The anc ent Highlanders were tall,
robust, well-formed, and had remark
ably hardy habits. In particular, they
felt great Indifference to cold, and
thought nothing of sleeping outside in
the severity of winter. Burt, who re-
sided among them, and wrote in the
year l725, relates that he has seen the
places which they occupied, and which
were known by being free from snow
that deeply covered the ground except
where the heat of their bodies had
melted it, The same writer represents
chief as giving offense to his clan by
his degeneracy in forming the snow
into q pillow before he lay down. The
Highlanders were so accustomed to
sleep in the open air that the want of
shelter was of little consequence to
them. 1t was usual before lying down
to dip their plaids in water, by which
the cloth was less pervious to the wind,
and the heat of them produced a
warmth, which the wooden, if dry,
could not afford. This hardness be-
came allied to the peculiar costume of
the plaid and the tillibeg, and the two
are noticed conformity in old historical
accounts of their appearance. Beague, a
Frenchman, who wrote history of the
Campaign in Scotland in 1916, printed
in Pars in 1856, states that at the siege
of Haddington, in 1894, "they (the
Scottish army were followed by the
Highlanders, and these last go almost
naked. They have painted waistcoats,
and sort of wooden covering, various
ly colored." Lindsay, of Pitscottie,
says: 1.-The other part northerne are
full of mountaines, and very rud and
homelic kynd of people doeth inhabite,
which is called the Reid Shankes or
wyld Scottis. They had cloathed in
ane mantle, with ane schirt, fachioned
after the Irish manner, going bair-leg-
ged to the knife" Another, who wrote
before the year 1897, observes that in
his time, "they (the Highlanders) de-
light much in marbied cloth, especially
that have long strips of sundry colours.
They have chiefly purple and blue.
Their predecessors used short mantles
or plaids of divers colours. They love
chiefly purple. The same custom is
observed to this day, but for the most
part now they are brown, most near to
the colour Of their ladders. The bright
colour of their plaids shall not bewray
them. They suffer the most cruel tenn
pests that blow in the open fields in
such sort that in night of snow they
sleep sound"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06
A CATEGORICAL EXHIBITION.

Bob Smart was "hard up" 1t was no
uncommon occurrence, but unpleasant,
very.
Handsome, well-bred, college educated,
md q rich mans son, it ought not to have
been so. This time Bob found it more
unpleasant than usual; his father had
started him for the West to invest few
thousands in land; but this enterprisine
youth had lost it all but some hundreds at
cards.
He sat in his room in an hotel il a large
Western city, resting his weary head on
his hands, and resolving never to touch a
drop of liqour or card again if he got out
Of this scrape.
The memory of blue-eyed young girl
at home, who loved him, troubled him.
Poor Effie!
Cant give lecture, or do something
he cried aloud, in his despair. AT tina,
moment cat on an adjoining roof set up
a hideous mewing.
Eureka! I'll do it, he cried, prancing
around in frenzy of delight.
The next day huge posters announced tC
the inhabitants of Yumei City, as We will
call it, not to be too explicit, that Professor
Robert Smartee would give his great Cate
gorical Exhibition in Lawson Hall, on Mon
utS evening. IL went On 10 STATE tll;tb II
would be the most remarkable exhibition
ever given; entrance fee, fifty cents.
Bob hired the largest hall in the city, foI
one night only. He took carpenter into
his secret, and about q dozen small boys.
The excitement was great. What could
n categorical exhibition be? No one had
ever heard of such thing before.
But Professor Smartee was live Yankee
and kspt his own counsel
A crowd congregated before the doors
We're opened; and at eight o'clock, the large
hall was packed.
Nothing was to be seen but the stage with
its green curtain.
AT precisely eight, Professor Smartee
stepped out in front of the curtain.
Bowing like Fourth of July orator, he
began:
ladies and gentlemen, l am about tc
give you the most remarkable exhibition oil
the age. But l must enjoin the most pro-
found attention and perfect silence ON your
part to render it successful. These are
The conditions. We will proceed"
With touch of his hand up rose the
curtain. There sat forty cats; yellow cats,
white cats, striped cats, big and little, the
worst looking cats in Yumei.
They We're all tied TO stanchions, like SO
many cattle, with singing books propped
up before them, tails toward the audience.
The audience roared, and down went the
curtain.
Professor Smaitee was indignant.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06

IF were in your place, he remarked
to his friend as they camo down on an
elevated train, II would go boldly to
Ethels father and tell him that | earned
twelve dollars per week. and ask him TO-
the hand OF his daughter"
up to yesterday that was my own
idea"
"And why have you abandoned it?"
why, she gave me hint that her
bills for taffy and caramels never run
less than fourteen dollars per week, and
! am wondering what we would do for
opera tickets. - Val S rect Neacs.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06

"IIow is Doctor Bickle getting alongp'
gentleman asked, addressing an emf
nent IN. scian.
Not very well"
''Sorry to hear it,"
II was grieved to e it. He has
lost case amo e physicians, the result
of unpi OCCASIONAL conduct. lie had a
patient, prominent man, who had fever.
We all took great inte est in the m IN.
md took plea ure in giving advice to
Bicklc, but he di regud, d it.
''And the paticn d;ed, en-
''i h, DO, II" got well, but Bickle g we
him Lutterm TX VII we al know tina
sweet milk would have been better. We
gave johnson wet milk.
Yes, but o nscn s dead
"Dcad, wy, Of course he's dead, but
he GIT sweet milk, and got it profession
ally, too Oh, no, Bickle can never
succeed. "-1rkansnm 2ranier.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06
An Interesting Service.

Large congregation at church to-
day-in fact, the largest ] ever saw, !"
said Mr.. Worldly.
New minister, l suppose?" sug-
gested Mrs. Pins.
"No, think not I think the min
lister has been there right along"
Anything s nsational in the SER
mon?"
swell, really, didn't hear it, so 1
can't speak of that"
What was the attraction? baptism 2"
"No. They had cornet to lead the
choir, and you bet your boots it's a
daisy. ST. Paul Globe.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06
Ashamed Of His Name.

"See that fellow standing over
there?" said citizen of Little Rock,
addressing stranger.
"Yes."
Biggest fool ever saw.
"In what way?"
"I'll tell you. His name is Lige
Coffin. He used to be an unassuming,
working fellow, and people re-
spected HIM, but few weeks ago he
made few thousand dollars in tile
speculation. Since then he has Ee-
come different man. He is va n and
ashamed of his name. Don't want us
to call him Coffin any more"
Don't. eh?"
NO. He is so high-toned now that
he insists upon being called Mr.. Metal
&c Case. "-Arkansa,D Trareler.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06

"pa, what is IN 'st?'"
ut is an Invisible vapor of the atmos-
pncre, my son"
"DJes MN ever turn into mist2"
%, ertaialy not. Who said he could?'
"Nobody did; only l heard ina say
the other day that you never would be
N ist. y PHikk LGkuhin CnM.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06
Facts Overlooked.

An English periodical, reviewing
General Grants Memoirs, says thai
Grant was the son of a farmer, whe
gave him much better education than
he had himself recsived;" that 1.-THE
civil war obliged Grant to become 8
soldier, in which capacity he served TO,
fourteen years, when he again took t.
farming, which he had to relinquish on
account o. i'll hea tn; - that 'he then be
came successfully estate agent, clerk in a
store, Senator and President. L. is a
little strange that the English reviewer
should have overlooked the fact that
Grant was also steamboat captain,
manager of comic opera opera company,
pitcher of baseball nine, and Governor
o, Brooklyn. -Ny7ristorn Herald.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06
A Sum In Arithmetic.

Child-"Grandpa, how old are your"
Grandpa-"I am 81 years old, my
little dear
Child-"Then you was born eighty
years before was"
"Grendpa-"Yes my little girl
Chill-"Law, what long time you
had to wait for me."-TcraS .Sittings.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06

In cotf'ee-growing countries an infu,
zion of the leaves OF the tree is held by
many to be superior to the infusion Of
the berry. The probable value of the
dried coffee-leaves as an article of COM
mcrce has been suggested.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06
An Ant COmrarisOn.

Tie life insurance agent had been talk
irg steadily for only an hour or so, when
the Wet m perce,vlng "A chance to get a
word in edgeways. remarked:
do you know you remind me of sud
den DEATH
"How so
Nobody is safe from cith.r Of YOU"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1886-11-06
Pursue the Same Course.

1T lady is beautiful, my son." said
latter-day Lord Chesterfield, "never
fdil to refer to her beauty"
What am l to do when the lady IS
plain2'
Just the Same; stick to the beauty"
Mexico weekly ledger., 1886-04-01
AN EXTRAORDINARY OFFER.
To All Wanting Employment.

We want Live. Energetic and Capable Agents
IN every county in the United States and Can
ada, to sell q patent article Of great merit, on
its merits. An arcle having a large sale. paying
over loo per cent. profit. having no competition.
and on which the agent is protected In the ex-
elusive sale by a deed given for each and every
county he may secure from us. With all these
advantages To our agents; and the fact that 1t is
an article that can be sold to every HORSEPOWER,
II might not be necessary to make an extra
ordinary offer to secure good agents at once,
but we have concluded TO make Il TO show, not
only our confidence IN the merits OF our inven-
ton, but in Its STABILITY by any agent that will
handle it with energy. Our agents now &C work
are making 'front.' $50 to Soc q month clear, and
this fact makes itsafe for us to make eur nffer
20 all who are out OF employment. ANY agent
that will give cur business a thirty days' trial
ana fail TO clear al least Si00 In this time. above
all expenses can return all goods unsold TO Us
and we will refund the money paid for them,
Any agent or General Agent VINO would like ten
or more counties and work them through sub
agents for ninety days. and fail to clear at least
200 ABOVE all expenses. can return all unsold
and Ket their money back. No other employer
OF agents ever dared to make such an offer, nor
would we If we did not know that We have
agents now making. more than double the
amount we guaranteed. and but two sales a day
would give a profit of over siS y month, and
that one OF our agents to,k eighteen orders In
our on-r fully. and these we wish TO send to
every one out OF employment who will send us
three one cent stamps for postage. Send at
once and secure the agency IN time for the
our extraordinary offer. We would like to have
the address Of all the agents. sewing machine
sslle ,saSe sn ~ f sais papes IN w aas r cSsssr III, and ds ask
10 send us at once the name and address of an
auch they know. Address at once, or YOU viii
loose the best chance ever offered to those out
or employment To make money.
kKNNxn MANUFACTURING CO.,
m 0nnhnnl1 ~ Dn6aSarx N.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1886-04-01
A !sIOuching Article. -

An exchange gets off a good one
and hits some folks right between
the eyes in the following: "After
you get upon your ear and make up
your mind to 'stop" your paper to
make the editor feel Inundated,
just poke your finger in water and
look for the hole. Then, you will
know how sadly you are missed. The
man who thinks a paper couldn't
survive without his support ought to
go off and stay awhile. When be
comes back he will find that half of
his friends didn't know he was gone.
the other half didn't care a cent, and
the world at large hadn't kept no ac-
count of his movements whatever.
You will probably find some things
in your home paper that you cannot
endorse. Even the Bible is rather
plain and hits some hard ticks. If
you were to get mad and burn your
Bible. the hundreds of presses would
still go on printing them, and if you
were to stop you paper and call the
editor all sorts Of ugly names, the
paper would still be published. And
what is more, you will sneak around
and borrow q copy of it every day
from your neighbor. 1t is much bet
ter to Keep your vest pulled down
and your subscription paid up.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1886-04-01
Work and Think,

There is a greater difference be-
tween one man and another than that
one is rich and another poor, that one
is strong and another weak, that one
is sick and another well, or even tina
one knows u great many things and
another very few, and that is, that
one man thinks and another does not.
'sWisiom is the principal thing.
therefore. get wisdom ; and with ali
thy getting get understanding. Exalt
her and she shall promote thee she
shall bring thee to honor when thou
dost embrace her." Whatever you
do, whatever you purpose to do in
all you common daily work, in all
you plans for what you hope, to do
another day, in all your reading, all
you learning, nay, in all your amuse-
ments, try and think about what you
are doing. Put you mind into it. Get
into the way of asking yourself the
meaning of everything you see or do.
All men have not the sane power OF
thought, but all men can think, and
can cultivate that amount OF though,
which is suitable for their own work
in the world, and no man can do any
work IN the way that it should bt
done without thinking. 1t is true Of
every one of us, that if a man will
do anything for his own good, or.
what is more important, for the gooC
of his fellow-men, he must use hi
mind, and not only his hands, ii
what he is doing.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1886-04-01
SUPPLEMENT.
LINTON DISTRICT MEDICAL SOCIETY
To Meet at Mexico, Tuesday and We'd
nesday, May 4th and 5th, 1885.

The fourteenth annual session of
this society will be convened at Mexico,
Mo-, at 4 p. M, on Tuesday, May 4th,
1886, and continue in session two days.
OFFICERS.
President-Dr. s. T. Buck, Wellsville.
First Vice-President - DR.. J. f.
Harris, Auxvasse.
Second ce-President-Dr. w. A.
Graham, Holstein.
Secretary-Dr. Z. S. Cave, Mexico.
Treasurer-Dr. w. Moss, Columbia.
STANDING COMMITTEES.
On Arrangements: Drs. Rothwell,
Basket and Rodes.
On Ethics Drs. French, Graves and
Mudd.
On Medical Education Drs. McAlis-
ter, Foreman and Watson.
On Credentials: Drs. Taylor, Rod
gers and C, NJ. Johnson.
On Scientific Communications Drs.
Adams, Rothwell and Keith.
On Publication Drs. Cave, Dreyfus
and Hamilton.
The following gentlemen will read
essays on subjects opposite their
names:
DR.. T. J. Basket, Physical dag
nosis of the Thorax."
DR.. P French, Bacillus Tuberculos-
is"
DIR. NJ. D. Lewis, "Diet in the Man
agement of Fevers."
DR.. s. n. Russell, "What is Fever"
DIR. J. S. Pearson, Foreign Bodies
in the Human Body"
DIR. Jas. Gordon, SIS Syphilis Conta-
gious through the Utero Placental Cir,
culation?"
DR.. J. L. Jones, Treatment of Pene,
trating Wounds of Joints"
DIR. Geo. Hamilton, wounds of the
Thorax."
DR.. W. T. Lenoir, "Inflammatory
Rheumatism and Sequellae in Chill
dren."
DR.. w. T. Lemon, abdominal Abs
cess"
In addition to the above any mem
Der will be allowed to read a voluntary
essay. The society will be glad to sec
any Clinic of interest. A cordial invi.
ttion is extended to all practitioners
in good standing.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1886-04-01
Proper Treatment for Coughs.

That the reader may fully under
stand what constitutes a good cough
and lung syrup, we will say that tar
and wild cherry is the basis of the
best remedies yet discovered. These
ingredients with several others equal
ly al efficacio,s enter largely into
DIR. B%osanko's Cough and Lung
Syrup, thus making it one of the
most reliable now on the market.
Price so cents and 81. Samples
free. Sold by Debyns & Gibbs.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1886-04-01
Destroy that Sign.

One may feel that he's getting old,
hut he naturally dislikes that any
thing about his appearance should
advise Others Of the fact. Yet moth
ing does this SO effectually as thin
and falling hair No woman wants
to marry a man, and business firms
hesitate to employ a man, who shows
this fatal sign. Parker's Hair Balsam
is worth to you, in this regard, more
than its weight in diamonds. Use it,
and have plentiful and glossy hair.
Many have had every trace Of gray
ness removed and bald spots covered
by using a single bottle. 40 At