Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1886-10-22

TnE foRcE or HABIr.-A beggar
called at the clothing emporium of
Nose Schaumburg and said to the pro-
prietor-
''Please assist poor man"
$50 away nit yer, or ! calls dot boz
lice"
Good bye" said the mendicant. as
nc moved Off
''Reconmend me 10 your friends ven
dey wants someding in my line" said
Nose, out of pure force of habit, that
being his usual parting salutation to
his customers.
He WAS SO KIND-'Didn't the doc
tor say you needed some tonic? inquired
Dallas husband.
Eyes, he said my system was broken
down and needed something strength
ening," was the reply
''How do you like English porter"
IL cant bear the taste of it,
"Well, that don't make any diff
ference, | can. III bring up Il bottle
for our dinner to morrow replied the
unseliish husband.
"AGIN" THE RULEs.-A gentleman
and his little son visited the Cotton Ex-
change in Galveston. While in the
gallery of the reception room the boy
spit down, unfortunately, on the head
OF the colored janitor."
Look heah, chile. You has big
luck. you has. IF dat ar had drapt on
de floor you mout hab got yersef inter
trubblc, yer mout. Hits agin do rules
ter spit on de floor.
| Ir WAS NEWS. frequency with
viii h young people get married secret
~, and forget to inform their parents
until afterwards, lends color to the fol-
| lowing:
What's the news, Jimmy?" asked a
fond father.
Nothing that | know of. o, yes,
Pa, now that come to come to think
OF it, ! was married last week"
HI TRIED TO SoAR.-"Speakin'
bout dos flying machines, said Hans
Swiebecr, wen ! vas young vas al
vays making experiments to fly NIT
some wings Won day | climb my
fater's parn up, put on my wings and
dried to soar away like pirt.'
"B.d YOU soar like a brd?'
mo, but ven der groundt struck me
| vas sore like temnation"
WHAT He CAME BACK FoR.-Father
of young girl. ~ should think you
would be satisfied after the treatment
you got here last night. | kicked you
down the front steps and set the dog
on YOU and he came back with big
piece of your trousers. Now, what do
YOU want?'
Young man.-"Td like that piece of
cloth, please. - Life,
How TO IMPROVE PIE.-"An earth
quake would improve this pie said a
grabbed passenger at the railroad lunch
counter, as he tried to bite into it and
failed.
"ln what way?" asked the bland pro-
prietor, too much accustomed to critic
ism TO mind it any.
at might establish a reimbursement of
crust" was the reply.
He WAS SHARP. 40 on are n comical
fellow" remarked Texas gentleman
to a newly married friend.
In what respect?'
You might have married the pretty
young daughter, but You went and
married her ugly old mother
STRATEGY. my boy. Don't You see
how headed her off from being my
mother in-law?"
He KNEw Her Mrs Often Di-
yorced. - Is this bridar veil material
good? Wiz il wear?'
Nose Schaumberg. Jr You pet i.
vas first glass. 1t Will never wear out,
no madden how many dimes YOU uses
it, Don't YOU want some of our indies
;ructiblc orange plossoms?'
\ BUSINESS MEETING. 81 would like
To talk TO you about business
Very well, sir, what do YOU want?"
A dim 10 get a drink.
"Why. that merely trying to beat
Vour way. That's no business
Yes it is. Its the only business
follow. y
THE CAREFUL WIFE. Why
don't YOU cat Your puddingp'
Husband I'm afraid the pudding
will put my stomach out of order
Wife well, suppose ii does That
better than throwing it into the slop
barrel Have some more?"
One WAY.-Young man driving
with young girD. IL say, farmer, how
can get back to the village the
quickest way?'
Former : Well, you might run yom
horse lid Bits.
A GREAT VICTORY.
L. A Lar