The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1886-04-09
Uncle 81 Again.


MIsruR EDrUR.-Sum people may think
that is seized whith what the ole Latins use
ter call Cdeoethes Scribendi, which John sais,
put inter plain English, means, tan itch fur
scriblipg;" but they is mistaken, rint got no
kind Of itch. got my share ofa very bad kind
in camps during the late onpleasantness, which
made me scratch paw powerful. No, sir,
I aint got the riting itch, but just cant keep
quiet when sees things in sch bad fix in
dear ole Union, On so is forced up TO the pint
Of riting for your excellent paper, of which we
. country folks is nifty proud, an then my nabors
sais they likes my riting, an you knows. friend
Stokes, that folks what is as fur along the jur-
ney of life as wouns is, likes fur friends ter
praise US an our doings. John was ter Union
tother day, an he sais that he heard that fell
ler down there what use ter keep grog shop,
On what runs one now, as n silent partner, in
cahootes with others, said that Uncle 81 was
run out Of something ter rite about, an so he
rit that awful thing sined Uncle Sam. to which
Uucle 81 was gwine ter reply hsself SO as ter
keep on ritiug. I must say that il hurt me
powerful ter think that anybody ever had il 10
enter his mind that would rite sich q fulish
thing as that was. John said, ef any man was
ter lay that thing ter his father in dead earnest
that he would make it hot for him. The ole
woman sais, whoever rit that thing can't 20
crazy, fur it takes people Of some sence to 20
crazy. l sails it is nifty bad on the man what
rit il, an ef it ever comes out on him he is
ruined, an it will be handed down ter his chill
lerns chillerns an will hurt two ginerations of
EN-. did feel so sorry fur them men what he
tried ter praise. know it made em feel nifty
foolish. I would not have noticed that piece
eff it had not bin laid ter me. Uncle 81 don't
want sich disgrace on him. No, No, Mister
cahoot, Uncle 81 aint run out of sope. He
could rite on On on, an eff he were ter bring
out half Of the bad things what is done in
Union town, don't know, when or whar he
could stop.
Well, jest let me tell of lcctle thing what
John sais he heard man say on the train
tother night. Three respectable young men
from the country was in Union fue weeks
ago, an rs they was n comm down the street a
queer looking leete fcler runs out an stops EN-
an sais, "Gemmens, 1 is gwine ter open up o
beer saloon in the back part of my store, an l
is gwino tor sell white wine, which means corn
whisky, on red wine, which means rye whisky.
is gwne ter have plenty Of what is good, an
rs understands the bisness, wants you Gem
mems ter call around" John sails this is fact,
court. An l believes that John is gwne ter
hand oil their names in to the Grand Jury, rs
that body Of honorable men so feerlessly pre-
sented several parties at last court an called on
all lovers of law On order to help them in their
effort TO suppress this terrible traffic, which
they said they believed to he going on in
Union town. Aint this proof that whisky is
sold in Union? l tell you there is more than
beer wine an water in the barrooms in
Union.
know that our Depot Agent is IN honest
honorable man, eff whisky comes in large
4qunntities'over the rail rode 10 dreg stores m
beer saloons, know he wont deny it. 1 has
always hearn that he is in fur the rite an
liberal with his money fur gooi cause. That
man would not tell lie fur ali the barrooms
and dreg stores in Union. If he sails they gifts
brought me printed subscription fur dreg
store in Union which reads, II hereby GER
tify -necds-gals. -qts.- -pis.-for
medical purposes" Gallons 4! gallons ~ gal
Ions ! Don't that prove Gineral Foster what
is what? Now, how can We git around what
these three young men sails, an what Uncle 81
believes the depot Agent will say? An what
this blank certificate sais ? The conclusion is
inevitable. The Bible sais "In the mouth of
two or three Witnesses evry word may be es-
tablished." Uncle 81 calls on evry man on
Pea Ridge an evry man in Jonesville ter rise
up IN lets go down IN help Union wipe out
this dirty bspess. What do you say ter it,
Gineral Foster? John sails when the election
comes of the critter wont plow that day but we
will spend it in Union no matter how bisy We
is. Come, brave men, we can an we will, by
Gods help, see the rite an fair things dun in
ole Union, UNCLE ST..