Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1886-12-05
BRIGHT BITS.

MARY-Stop your batteries, or shall hold
my hands to my ears.
John wishing to be complimentary)-An.
your lovely hands are too small Boston
Beacon.
A PHYSICIAN has discovered that men are
more subject to diseases of the ear than are
women. The reason for this seems very SIM
pie. Women rarely scold each other.-Beto
HGUsn Neans.
"SMILE when you cam" MARBLES a new
hedged poet. We can do that easy enough,
but what we are anxious to know is how a
fellow Il going to smile when he can't Var
rem (Penn.) Mirror.
II HEAR your little boy is sick, Mrs. Hitor-
miss.'
Dear me yes! The Charlotte Russo broke
out all over MIN, and if he hadn't wore the
lnjun beads as an Omelet it would have ca
Illuminated fatally / fear "
LITTLE DoT-I like my papa best. Don't
you yours?
Little Dick-Eo. / don't. My papa spanks
me.
Mine don't me; mamma does, though"
My mamma hardly ever spanks. Wouldn't
1t be nice II my mamma and our papa Should
get marriedp'-ODadhd W,rld.
"WAs it love match?"
moi exactly. she lived next door, you
know. Charles had read somew here that
few women continue their piano playing long
atter marriage. and he concluded to trust to
II. We dldn want to leave the neighbor-
hood, you see; so Charles married her. Very
good in him, wasn't it?''-Bos n T,dnscriDt.
''YoU saw the prisoner when he fired the
shots?"
"Yes. saw him."
"HOw far were you from himY'
when he fired the first shot was about
five PAGES off,"
And when he fired the sesond?"
about five hundred yards. "-Jud0e.
ORCHARD, you have frankly confessed your
love Tor me and asked me to be your wife. l
shall be just as frank with you. | have al
ways liked you, and have thought a thousand
times how lovely it would be if you would let
me love you-as a brother. You know l have
no bro"-
Jaw. chestnuts! Where's my hat and coat?"
-Dda6UilLe Breeze.
BAGLEY-Ah, De Baggs, where art thou
going with the hobby horse?
De Baggs-'Tis for little Jimmy, my young
est sprout.
Bagley lsagely)-It's costly business to
have children.
De Bags (gloomily)--I should say so. Every
time start out to buy u ten-cent toy | meet
somebody know. and then away goes a dol
lar or two for cigars and .-PhStddeLDAtG
CGU.
You know the new catcher of the base
| ban nine?"
"Yes.o -e
saw him down at the DOCTORS office the
other day."
what was he there for?"
"Getting vaccinated."
dCClu iltt-Wuy great heavens. w nat
does he want to get vaccinated for? He'd
never catch anything in a hundred years y
NeI chant IrdGeter.
MRS. WHISTLES, Mr.. winks, and in ad-
dition to what have said wish to add
MIR. Winks-By the. way. my dear, / saw
in the paper to-day that several fatal cases OF
| blood poisoning have resulted from putting
the lighted end of cigar in ones month.
But why should men ever do that?"
Result OF doing two things at once, you
know. such accidents frequently occur. in
TACT, my GEAR. think it would be safer for
you not TO talk to me while am smoking"
But Won are always smoking"
YES. "-OmdhG World.
THE champion stupid girl in young ladies'
seminary approached her teacher the other
day and said: How could John Adams, when
he was dy ing. send some toast to be drunk at
the Boston Fourth of JULY celebration? 1t
says in the history he sent toast to be
drunk" The teacher endeavored to explain
the matter. but she heard the girl, who is IS
years old AMI belongs to wealthy and fash
ionabe family, rem arklng to one of her mates
later That Miss G. might try to explain away
things, but for her part she would never be-
lieve that people could drink toa t. even if the
history did say so,-HdrDer'S Bds0r.
In school in a college town the practice of
chewing gum became one of the popular en-
pigments of the smallest scholars. Each
child followed the custom, until the chewing
was part Of the regular routine. The teacher
finally called stop to the proceedings, and
gradually the habit lessened. Finally all the
pupils oDeyed the law except the son of one
Of the CO lege professors. This little boy
chewed and chewed in great indepei dence.
regardless of the tea,her's commands. AT
last she called him out before the school.
Tommy" she said, shave not told You not
10 chew gum" "Yes'm," he replied. cheer
fully, "but comes OF q family what chews
gum."-B1St n JDUrndL.