News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-08-19
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
THE LEISURE HOURS.
The Two Nj. D's-A Matter of History-In
Very High CircIrs-The Boy Had a Pref
ersnce-A Cold wavl-Iu Early Life
Dots and Dnshes, Etc., Etc.
HIS PREFERENCE

1eaCner-Inen why u1Q you come
Boy-Wall, dad he said had ter plow
ther new groun' with er bull tongue UT
go ter school, 1t didn't matter blame
l-yEisSl, so come ter school, thinkin' I'd
''attfy it er few falls.
Teacher-How do you like 1t as far as
you've got
Boy-Ain't dead in love with it.
Teacher-Here, take this book, now,
and let me teach you your letters.
Boy-Ain't got no letters. Sis is ther
only one on ther place that gifts any let
ters.
Teacher-I mean you must learn the
alphabet.
Boy (contemptuously)-Whut, all
them marks {
Teacher-Yes.
Boy (taking up his hat)-Wall, er
good-by. I'd ruther rassle with ther
bull tongue.-Arkansas Tra0eler.
THEY MET.
Nothing does one more good than to
stand by when two doctors meet and
see the courtesy which they bring to the
profession.
''Ah! Good morning, DOCTOR"
doctor, good morning"
''Fine day, doctor"
'Doctor, it's charming. When did
you return ~
Yesterday, doctor. Say, doctor, how
is the horse Z"
can right, doctor-all right. I'm
obliged to you"
''No at all, doctor, not all"
"Wen, doctor, must be going"
"Same here, DOCTOR"
"Good-by doctor"
doctor, good-by." - Detroit Free
Press.
PLENTY OF IT.
It was a Maine girl of whom the story
is told that she refused to marry most
devoted lover until he should have
amassed a fortune of $1,000 After
some expostulatiop he accepted the de-
cree and went to work. About three
months after this, the avaricious young
lady, meeting her lover, asked: "Well,
Charlie, how are yon getting along ~
"Oh, very well indeed" Charlie re
turned, cheerfully. 'rve got $18 saved"
The young lady blushed and looked
down at the toes of her walking boots,
and stabbed the inoffensive earth with
the point of her parasol 81 guess"
said She faintly-"1 guess, Charlie, that's
about near enough. ."-Harper's Ba@ar.
MOVING IN HIGH CIRCLES.
''Now, when l was over in Europe"
said the boastful passenger, 81 had en-
| tree to the best society. moved con
stantIy in the upper circles. There was
scarcely a day during my stay IN the
Old World on which did not dine with
the nobility. The very last time | sat
at table in Europe-only few hours
! before my departure for home-it was
with three kings and two queens.
| 'If YOU could move in such society as
that why did you hurry back to Ameri-
ca p
"Because the other fellow held four
trays and cleaned me out. - Chicago
| Heratd.
FILLED UP.
During thunderstorm at Lake Min
netonka, a few days ago, the lightning
tru k tree near the Lake Park Hotel,
shivering it to sp inters. One of the
guests of the house, who was standing
near by, was thrown fiat on his back,
A hotel clerk rushed to his assistance
and dragged him, apparently more dead
than alive, into the hotel office. When
the crowd that gathered around was
momentarily expecting to see the light
ming stricken guest yield up the ghost
he opened his eyes, raised himself on his
elbow, and remarked: Gentlemen, a
little of tha fills me up. st. Paul Pho
neer Press.
ONE OF HIS OWN.
In the - Regiment, Indiana Volun-
teers, during the late war, was an I'M
usually eccentric native of ERIN Go
Bragh," who had the fortune while on
picket duty to capture Confederate
soldier and take him to camp. In the
same company was lazy and far from
courageous comrade who, seeing Dan
with prisoner to be turned over to the
Colonel of the regiment, said: "Dan,
you are obliged to go back on duty; let
me take the prisoner to headquarters :"
"Bedad, an not bit of it. If you want
a rebel go out and catch one for We =
self. The bush is full of EN-" was
Dams reply.-Detr0it Free Press.
IN EARLY LIFE.
''Yours has been very busy life, Mr..
Bullion 2" inquired the lady reporter.
Him, yes" said Mr.. Bullion, II began
to rustic around middlin' airly." ''Will
YOU please tell me of your earliest strug-
giles z" she asked, posing pencil. The
millionaire looked uncertain. 81 can't
remember much about it myself" he
said, "but l reckon my early struggles
began when they was putin my first
shirt on me. I've noticed since that
babies" But she was real, nice,
brand new reporter and was down stairs
two flights ahead of the elevator. = BUR-
DETTE.
THEY SHOULD.
DIR. Shelby tells good story of an
Irishman and his wife who were DO h
down with the ague. AS they lived in
a place 'emote from drug stores he left
some qrinine with them, and told them
to mix 1t with whisky and both of them
to drink it. As it did not do any good
the doctor asked the man if he took it
according to directions. The man re-
piled that he did, but he took the
whisky and gave her the quinine.
H,mtS0iHe (ALa.) Mercury.
COLD WAVE.
Young lady examining list of words
her German teacher gives her to learn)
What is "schooss ?''
German mot knowing equivalent
English word pats his lap)-Dis.
Young lady-Legs
German-Neln
Young lady-Trousers
German (wildly)-Oh, nein, nein
OF moost say ven asks you to sit on
mem sChoos
Young lady (coldly)--You must say
farewell forever.-LJe.
FIGURE.
Young Man to Photographer-I didn't
want whole figure. / told YOU plainly
before | posed that | wanted only half
, figure. Photographer-Wal, tits only a
half fgger-the front half of We. If
ye'd said ye wanted a quarter tigger,
like the pickshur to the lef', " could a
had it.-Ha7per'S Ba<ar.
CHEESE IT.
country merchant bought H FF;
What did he purchase, if you please7
-- Washington Post
That's easy. He bought cheese
! aytchee San Francisco alta.