The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1886-07-14
WIT AND HUMoR.


Customer docking at silksl-.They
look to me Just alike; but YOU saw one Is
| SO cents. and the other Sl.IO. Now.
what is the diferenee?' Clerk (bland.
| ly)-'sTwelve cents. - Biuqharatosl Re
| publican
Society in the Samoan Islands is
growing distressingly conventional. A
law has been established lately forbid
ding Senators to appear naked at any
session under penalty of 500 for each
appearance.
Nurse Ito Johnny, who has been
| brought in to see his uncle)-.Whv
don't you speak. johnny? Can't Won
tell your uncle you're glad to see him?"
Johnny (whimpering)-''It b1ongs TO
him first to tell me I'm fine fellow.
and big for my size
A gentleman who came from a dis
tance to attend Thursday nights con-
cert, in response TO an inquiry as to
'How did you like it?" replied: ..Well.
am not up in musical matters | sup
pose it was good, but / like tunes
The equestioner said, $50 do l. .n-0gdenS-
| bifrg Journal.
| Miss Popular (to Prof Pfeffer, who is
| showing her the paper he is to read be-
| fore the Scientific Club)-And you have
TO read these long, long papers. and be-
| fore an audience, How | pity YOU!
Prof. Pfeffer-O, zat is not 20 much ze
! pity as to haf to listen to ze ozzers,-
Harper's Monthly
| In the police t-'.Prisoner. YOU
| have stabbed an unfortunate woman
twenty-seven times. and only TO rob her
of three francs and fifteen sousr' Ac-
eommodating prisoner-'M Monsienr le
President, l viii accept with pleasure
whatever damages you may be pleased
to give me- Paris Figaro.
Colorcd servants in Wilmington have
| a way OF referring to each other as
gentleman" or '1adv" that is very
amusing ut times One of them re
marked TO her mistress the other morn
| ing that 1.-THE gentleman who stole the
chickens last night left his hat in the
coop. Colombia Is. C.) Register.
| French as she is spoke-The Browns
| spent their New-Year's Lay at dear
| Parry" Brown pere-Garsong. bring
us some lunch. Garcon-Oui, m sieuS
| pour quartre? Brown-Cat! No, hang
it all, | say -. Garcon-P Peutetre.
IN sieu ---. Brown-Potater. Well.
yes. potater, if You like, and beef; but,
mind you. no cat!-Funny Folks.
1T is an outrage the way YOU treat
me, said Miss Esmerelda Longcoffin to
Hostetter McGinnis. How so. Miss
Esmerelda?" You have sworn to love |
and cherish me, and now YOU are
making love to another Young woman.
1t is a hideous outrage ''Be calm, |
Esmerelda, be calm. I'm going to go
| back on the other girl too. ~ TerdS |
| SgfiRgs-
what are you reading, Mamie?"
said MIR. Clamwhooper to his daughter, !
aged IS. Only one of those French |
novels, papa. you should not do |
that" 20, Tn not reading it for my
own amusement It's my painful duty |
to examine it. I'm just looking through |
it to see if it is proper book to have
| living around where mamma might pick |
it up and read t.'-TeraS SytiRgs.
Architecture in Maine-T'he owner of
one of the houses saw a little girl taking
observations on the street the other day,
and entered into conversation with her.
20 yes" she said, Il like these houses,
but my papa don't" ''Well, what fault
has he to lind with them?" .'He saws
he can't drive through this street be-
cause they frighten his horse. Port
land (Me.) Transcript.
NJ. and Nine Prudhomme find their
new rooms ill-heated by the furnace,
and decide to buy stove to keep hem
warm. NJ. Prudhomme reflects:
Stoves are sometimes dangerous We
must be careful not TO run any risk of
asphyXiating ourselves by coal gas"
He reflects some more: "Ah, That's
easily avoided. We will never light
it" He smiles at his cleverness. and
buys it.-Paris Figaro.
Stranger Undressing native) What
is the matter with that old, gray-headed
man? Is he drunk?' Native-"O, no,
he was never drunk in his life"
STanger-..Well. why does he kick up
| his heels that way?n Native-"He's
happy" Stranger Lottery prize?''
Native-''O. no. His grandfather wrote
an article for magazine and it has just
been published. ."-Arkdnsaw TFdveler.
But one thing marred the pleasure of
| the evening, and that was the disgrace
| full conduct of the band. The dance
| began at $50, and at y they began
complaining, and at l stopped in the
| middle of Virginia reel, the closing
| dance, with the remark that they could
not play all night. The fair name of
our sister city of Albany will soon be
| disgraced by such set of ungentle-
manly scoundrels if they remain there.
american (Ga.) Recorder.
Young artist think my picture is
going to be accepted by the academy"
Friend-"You don't say! Good. am
| glad to hear il" Young artist-''Jen-
kins told me to-day that while he was
before the hanging committee my work
was brought up for discussion. Jenkins
said that the chairman. who has great
| deal to say about these things, ex-
claimed very pronouneedly: %, hang
| that picture 1t looks encouraging,
doesn't TId-Bits.
Boarding-House Mistress Jane, go
| right down to the market this instant
and order me ten square inches of ele-
| phant steak" Jane-''GOod gracious,
mum, and phwat's got into yez now?'
| Boarding-House Mistress Don't stand
there asking me foolish questions, Jane,
but 90 right along and do rs | tell you.
I've just been reading one of Du Chail-
| LUIS books, and he SAYS that elephant
steak is so permanent that it takes half
an hour to eat a square inch of it. y
Sonaerritle journal.
A South Yonkers Sunday-school
teacher was trying to explain to her
class what the conscience was, but had
some difficulty in making the scholars
understand. what is that small voice
that comes to you after you have re-
tired at night?'' she said at length.
30, please, ma'am, | know quickly
said one of the bright little girls.
''Well. what is it, Dolly?' said the
teacher, proud that her explanation had
been so quickly comprehended. Seats,
ma am. ~ Yo1lkers Statesman.
Max knows a young woman who is
not afraid of her convictions. She lives
in house where Methodism is the pre-
vailing creed. One day the dominic
who has the care of souls in that par
ticular family came to make pastoral
| visit. After conversing with the elder
members of the family on their spiritual
welfare. he turned to the young woman
in question and said, with all unctuous-
ness: "And you, my dear daughter,
are you child of God?'' No, Doc
tor, said the young woman, I'm an
Episcopalian. ."-Bg9ato Express.
a Goldfish is the only Annymal that
amt got no neck. There amt but one
kind of a fish in the World that lives on
the land and Flys round in the air, and
that is a fish-hawk. A Goldfish has a
large mouth and my sunday school
Teechers got a large mouth too. Two
kids got fiteing in the vestry one day
and one of EN- pulled quite lot of Hare
out of the other kids He'd and the Super
| invfendino Doupded one of his Eers