Smyrna times., 1886-04-07
WHOLE NO. 1909.
Sharp, Short and Sunny.

The traitor who is expected to be
loyal to both .side-the arbitrator.
Thomas A. Hendricks countenapce
IS to appear on the $40 silver certificates.
The pupil of ones eye is made to at
tend to business by the lash held over
it.
Mrs Garfield will leave Cleveland
and reside permanently at Mentor
hereafter.
George w. Neal, the Newark dog
pound keeper, died in the frightful ag,
ONES OF hydrophObia last week.
Gen: Neal Dow, the veteran Prohib-
Zionist, celebrated his SOD birtbdav on
saturday. Young man, stick to water.
To avoid the danger'of being perse-
cuted himself the workingman must
ABSTAIN from the persecution of others.
Sam Jones in Chicago last week pub
ilcly announced amid great applause
MS renunciatiOn.Of the use-of::tobacco.
When six young ladies sit down to
talk about a dress pattern, a small bow
weary.
The New York Herald advises the
friend of civil-service reform to nnt
their pet.
What is home without a motherPn
said the Spring chicken, as it was
launched upon cold cruel world bv
an unfeeling incubator.
A comparison of ancient and modern
nrearms shows that the bullets of our
iar-reaching rifles are continually get
ting smaller and lighter.
In one year the people of this CONN.,
try use about 15O,OO0,OOO steel pens.
II placed in line the pens would reach
from New York to Liverpool.
One thousand Chicago people have
pledged themselves to lead better lives.
ms leaves over half million who
nave not made any such promise.
Every man in this country would
soon be millionaire if he would work
with half the energy that his wife does
"heh she starts out to catch flea.
Some of our peach prophets who pre-
dlcted total failure in a crop this
year, can't see what sense there is in
the buds commencing to swell already.
A man of Baltimore drives four
horses tandem, the wheeles being tre-
mendously big, the next moderate size.
then small one, and the leader q pony'
George Jones, of the New York
Times, says he has had from four to
sixteen libel suits on hand at a time.
and has never yet paid one cent dam
ages.
The use of jamaica ginger is being
carried to excess. A PhiladeIDhia
druggist says he has scores of custom
ers who take from one to three ounces
at a time.
1t is said there are to be more rich
fabrics worn this summer than ever be-
fore, and if the modistes continue
IN their present course this prophecy
will be correct.
The newest thing in Philadelphia is
progressive luncheOns." Four peOpla
sit at each table and at the end of each
course change positions in the manner
OF progressive euchre.
The bill increasing widows pensions
from IS to $12 per month has become a
law by the Presidents signature. It is
seldom that a pension measure has
been so promptly made law.
Joseph Pulitzer, editor of the New
York World, has sent to the Governors
of the New York Hospital check for
$1,000, the amount of his first wears
salary as Representative in Congress
from the Ninth District
The plan of reducing the number of
New York Aldermen is good enough
so far as it goes, but the evils of which
New York complains might be more
effectively remedied by refusing to
take her Aldermen from criminal
classes.
Henry Ward Beecher's earnings dur
ing the last forty years are estimated
as follows; Salary as preacher, $780,
600; lecture fees, $240,O00; sundry
publications, 100000; wedding fees,
10000; incidentals, $4,000; total,
$75O,OOO.
A careful canvass of the House
9AONS bAihO dO lCtbSO MY OcuOCfdIS Will
vote against the present Morrison bill.
This is a considerable increase over the
force that Mr.. Randall was able to lead
against its predecessor in 1884.
There are nearly 10000 Knights of
Labor in Connecticut, and nine-tenths
of them are voters. The politicians on
both sides are alarmed and are per-
forming jumping-jack antics, hoping
to land right side up in the end.
Within year the richest American
merchant, H. B. ClaAin the richest
American railroad man, w. H. Van
derbuilt, and the richest American
planter, Edmund Richardson, have died.
1t is notable that not one of the three
died in bed.
A prosperous farmer of OwiEgsville,
KY, "a well preserved widOwer of over
so, has two sons, who were both in
love with the same girl. She found
in deciding which to take,
and the old man solved the problem bv
sending the boys off on business and
the girl himself while they
were away.