Wichita eagle., 1886-09-03
MARK TWAIN'S GIRLS.
THE NOTED HUMoRIsT KILLS TIME
BY AMUSING THE CHILDREN.

| THE NOTED HUMORISt KILLS lime
BY AMUSING THE CHILDREN.
| Persona! Appearance Of s. I. Clemens.
His Remarks Concerning tho Upper
Mississippi River Pilot at tho
wheel-Thrce Little Girls.
Mark Twain, travelling incog. under the
name Of rs. l. Clemens, one wife, three
children, one maid," was at the Richelieu
hotel He leaned on the stone steps in front
Of the hotel, smoking putative cigar. Mark
Twain's literary fame is so great that it has
somewhat cast into the shade his abilities as
smoker. He smokes like an artist. He holds
the cigar between his finger and thumb, and
contemplates it in q dreamy fashion. Then
he raises it slowly to bis lips, draws gently,
and closes his eyes. After a judicious interval
he removes the cigar, and the smoke rolls out
under his long mustache with all the grace of
first dancer drifting on the stage. Then he
opens his eyes, Mark Twain looks as little
like himself as it is possible for man to look
He wore gray suit, tall white hat, and a
wide white tie such as New York brokers
affect His long, dropping mustache, his
elry made one think of successful horseman
or the manager of popular burlesque.
But no one ever had such satisfactory
drawl. 1t established the fact that he was
Mark Twain beyond all possibility of quib-
bling. A woman could "do up" her hair
twice while he is pronouncing the word Mis-
sissippi He fingers over it, plays with it,
handles it as young mother does her first
baby.
1--WE came in last night, The said, pulling az
the left side of his mustache. "Mrs. Clemens
is not very well, neither am !. I have been
amusing the children. have taken them to
panorama. / understand there are three
others near here. will take them there too.
I want to satiate them with battles-it may
amuse them" Three little girls composed of
three red gowns, three red parasols and six
blue stockings stood on the steps and grinned.
Run up and tell mamma what jolly time
you've had and I'll think of something else to
amuse YOU"
THREE LITTLE GIRLS.
When the three little girls had disappeared
Mr. Clemens sighed did you ever try to
amuse three little girls at the same time!" he
asked, after pause; lit requires genius. I
wonder whether they would like to battle in
the lake!" he continued, with sudden ANNA
ton, hardly pausing five minutes between
each word, lit might amuse them"
"Are you on your vacation trip, Mr..
Clemens?"
"No; have just returned from a visit to
my mother in Keokuk, Iowa. She is So
years old and I had not been home for
over year. We came from Buffalo to Du-
luth by lake steamer and then from st.
Paul down the river to Keokuk. Neither in
this country nor in any other have Iseen such
interesting scenery as that along the upper
Mississippi One finds all that the Hudson
affords-bluffs and wooded highlands n
great deal in addition. Between st. Paul and
the mouth of the Illinois river there are over
four hundred islands, strung out in every
possible shape. A river without islands is like
a woman without hair She may be good
and pure, but one doesn't fall in love with her
very often Did you ever fall in love with a
bald-headed woman" The reporter admitted
that he had drawn the line there.
Il never did, either" continued Mr. Glenn
ems, meditatively; sat least l think l never
did. There is no place for loafing more salts
factory than the pilot house of Mississippi
steamboat. 1t amuses the children to see the
pilot monkey with the wheel Travelling by
boat is the best way to travel unless one
can stay at home. On lake or river boat
one is as thoroughly cut off from letters and
papers and the tax collector as though he were
amid sea- Moreover, one doesn't have the
discomforts of seafaring. 1t is very unpleas-
ant to look at sea sick people-at least SO my
friends said the last time crossed"
at might amuse the children, though" sug-
gested the reporter.
AMUSING THE CHILDREN.
l hadn't thought of that" replied Mr..
Clemens; "but perhaps it might. The lake
seems rather rough today wonder whether
one could get boat, a little boat that would
bob considerably Yes, it might amuse the
children"
"But at such sacrifice.
"You arc not a parent replied Mr..
Clemens. The reporter admitted his guilt
1T is strange" continued Mr.. Clemens, in
momentary forgetfulness of the children,
'how little has been written about the upper
Mississippi The river below st. Louis has
been described time and again, and it is the
least interesting part. One can sit in the
pilot house for few hours and watch the
low shores, the ungainly trees and the demo
cratic buzzards, and then one might as well
go to bed. One has seen everything there is
to see. Along the upper Mississippi every
hour brings something new There are
crowds of odd islands, bluffs, prairies, hills,
woods and villages-everything one could
desire to amuse the children. Few people
ever think of going there however. Dickens,
Corbett. Mother Trollope and the other dis
eliminating English people who wrote up
the country before 1912 had hardly any idea
81, o<o1,
Their successors have followed in their foot
steps, and as we form our opinions of our
country from what other people say of us, Of
course we ignore the finest part of the Mis-
sissippi."
1t might be incidentally remarked that it
were worth going fifty miles on foot, if one
couldn't get pass, to hear Mr.. Clemens I'M
ravel the word Mississippi
At this moment the three little girls in the
three red gowns and six blue stockings APP
peared, and Mr.. Clemens assumed the shape
of an amusement bureau.-Chicago Tribune
Interview.
Fixing Up the Presidents House.
A permit was taken out in Washington re-
Gently to remodel and enlarge the house re-
Gently purchased by the president on the
Woody lane road. The plans as prepared by
the architects provide for the addition to the
presen. structure of third story, of very
ornamental and handsome design. This third
story will be in the high pointed roof pierced
with dormer windows, the caves extending
over some fourteen feet, thus forming the
roof of the porch in the second story. There
will be double porches, twelve feet wide, ex-
tending on the south and west and part of the
east sides of the house. Upon the stone walls
FORMING tho ,rsSa,t two S4oriaS of the borsa