Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1886-03-20
ARTEMUS WARD.
SOM. Anecdotes of the Humorist.

Harper's Magazine.
Calling upon Mr.. Lincoln ON one of
the darkest days in the late war, I was
surprised to see upon his mantel-piece
couple of volumes-One small bible,
the other 'sArtemus Ward, His Book"
.sDo you read Artemus Ward?" Iasked
him. II don't read anybody else," he
answered, with smile on his careworn
face; she is inimitable.' In the plain
building before which we are standing
the inimitable Snowman first set up his
'.wax fggers," and if we enter here we
NAV encounter the assistant editor of the
Plain Dealer, who was the associate and
intimate friend of "a. Ward" when the
latter was the city editor of this journal.
He has many anecdotes to tell OF the
general Snowman. He described his APP
pearance, when he first came to the office,
as decidedly rustic. He was, he says,
long and lank, with flowing hair, and
fitting coat, and trousers too short
in the legs and bagging at the knees.
His humor was irrepressible, and always
bubbling over, and kept all about him
in constant state of merriment He
was wag-nothing but wag-but IN
that line genius. He could see only
the ludricrous side of subject. Going
away once on a short vacation, he en-
gagged this gentleman to preform his
work during his absence. He carefully
instructed him as to his duties, and In
doing SO drew from his pocket tow
string about foot and half long, and
told him he must furnish that amount of
copy per day, leaving on his desk the
measure as reminder of the quantity.
About this time he was called upon to
respond to a toast to the press at Ben
Franklin festival held in Cleveland. He
rose to his feet, hung his head for few
moments in silence, and then sat down,
having said nothing. In his account OF
the festival in the next days Plain Dealer
his speech was reported by a blank space
of about half column of eloquent
silence.
This gentleman remembers that soon
after "a Ward entered the lecture field,
he was invited by theatrical manager
in San Francisco to deliver course in
California. The season being close at
hand, the manager asked him, by tele-
graph: "What will you take for forty
nights in California? Answer immedi-
ately by telegraph, Brandy and water -
The joke was noised throughout the
state, and the result was, when Artemus
went there to lecture on his own account
he was met every where with overhowing
house. While engaged in lecturing in
the west, he wrote this gentleman the
following epistile:
Ny DEAR GEORGE: 1 want you to do
me favor. I relied on one of my men
to save me the press notices. He didn't.
Will you collect them for me at once, and
send them to me at the Bates House
Now, this is taxing your good nature,
but you'll do it for me-won't you,
George? Do you know that you remind
me more and more of the noble Romans
I don't know who they were, but you
remind me of them; you do, indeed. And
could 1 have appealed to one of those
noble Romans to cut out some press
notices for me in vain? I guess not
Go on, young man, go on. Deal kindly
with the aged Remember that we are
here for only a little while, and that
riches take unto themselves wings and
fly away. Intoxicate the stunning blow
Support your county paper. Love the
Lord, and send me those notices. Write
likewise. And now, kind sir, farewell.
When other lips and other hearts
Yours my pretty gazele. A. Ward