Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1886-04-30
F u N

s.Johnp'
s'Yes, dear.''
''Do you remember coming home last
night and asking me to throw you an as
sorted lot of key-holes out of the window,
80 that you might find one large and
steady enough to get your latch key IMP"
.'Yes, DEAR"
"And do you remember the night before
how you asked me to come Gown and hold
che stone steps still enough for you to step
0n?"
Eyes, dear"
"And the night before that, how you
5ried to jump into the bed as it passed
your corner of tho room?"
s'Yes, dear.''
"And still another night when you care.
fully explained to me that no man was in
toxicated as long as he could lie down
without holding on, and then attempted
to 60 to bed on perpendicular WALTZ"
''Y es. DEAR"
"John do you realize that you have
come home sober but two nights in the
past two weeks?n
"Have I, DEAR
"That s al; and you ought to be asham-
cd Of yourself, too. The idea of a man
your age. But. John, why, you're
crying. There, there, dear, I didn't mean
TO be too severe. After all. you did come
home sober two nights"
''Yes. that's what makes me feel so
bad.''
And then the meeting was Adjourned.
Rambler.
SHREwD UNCLE STEAD's Poor Wo-
MAN.-"Uncle Stead'' is what they called
shrewd old gentleman who used to live
in Winthrop. little way out of the vii
lage. up the side of the pond, near Read
field. One of his fellow-citizens was a
man named LovejoY. Uncle Stead met
Lovejoy in the village one day, and he
said to him: "Lovejoy, there's poor
woman lives out on the edge of the town
that needs some provisions. Pm willing
to supply her, but I've sold my horse, aud
have no means Of getting the stuff to her.
Now. I'll buy her barrel of -four and a
ham and some other supplies if you'll
carry them out to her with your team"
Lovejoy said certainly, he'd be very glad
TO do it. Accordingly Uncle Stead bought
q barrel of barrel. ham, a bucket of
sugar. etc., and, telling Lovejoy where
the woman lived, sent him off ON the
errand of charity with the goeeaa s s1iafgess
IN ms p1ng Lovej0y easily found the
house where the woman lived. He I'M
loaded the goods, putting like grampus
as he rolled the barrel of -four in; and
said to the woman: "Mr. Steadman sent
you the provisions. Hos mighty kind
hearted man to send you all these things"
well, don't know why he shouldn't
send them to me !" exclaimed the woman
in surprised accents. "He's my hus-
band. '-Leaeiston (lNe.) Journal.
He WOUND IT BY re ITALIA day or
two since Mr.. Shaw, of the Consolidated
Virginia mine, found watch lying in
the snow, where it had evidently beer
dropped by some one working in or about
the mine. Mr.. Shaw wrote notice to
this effect, posting it by the side of the
W indow to which the men came to give
their names when going on or coming off
work in the mines.
A little Frenchman soon came to Mr..
Shaw and asked:
"You find one watch, Mistaire Shaw ?"
Eyes. sir,' said Mr.. Shaw. ''Have you
lost watch ?''
"Yes, saire."
Scan you describe it 9''
.Uh, yes, saire; ver' perfectly"
"Well, what is it like ?''
my watch he vas silver vatch.''
"Very good. What kind of a face ?"
''Vell, he had he's face vide open.''
"What kind of chain ?"
':One leedle brass chain"
"What kind Of key was on the chain ?"
HE have no key at all. Wind him by
ize tail.''
The watch was stem-winder, and the
Frenchman had given an accurate de-
scription Of his property, even down to
''ze tail. y Virginia Enterprise.
Shortly after the war a tourist on q
Southern river steamboat, lettering around
the lower deck, observed an old darkey
seated OF che edge Of the boat swinging
his legs over the water In most comfort.
able manner, and drawing near entered
INTO cow ersation: "Old man, how do
no, ko froo he
puzzled, and after scratching his head
thonghtfully, and shaking it obviously
awhile, replied: "Bossy, hits sorter
znixedl" "What do you mean by that,
my friend?' "Well. bossy, hits dish yer
way. Endurin' slave times if I wuz on
dish yer up-riber boat an wuz ter fall in :
Ger emmy cat-naps. like rs nifty APP ter
90, an drap ov ,de, sumbod'y screech
out: Nigga overbode!' an de whissel 'ud
blow, an de backin' bell 'ud ring. an
dey'd hab me out'n dat riber TO- 1 toch
water mos. But desc here days, do rs
jes ez sleepy fed ez 1 useter wuz, an ole
man Mods les ez APP ter grab me, en- me
&c drap overbode, Mars Mate 'ud sing out:
Man overbodel' Mars Cap'n on the
harry-oane roof d boiler down: who ia
it2' Dey'd 'spon: Nobody but or d.
lreedman' An bossy. dey mout fling out
or ropes eend fur me ter lay holt on-but
stop dat whole boat? No-sir-ee-bob!
Kayse you tee rs ies lax emmy or'nary
white trash now-wuff muffin ter nobody!"
Detroit Free Press.
Talk about women being Eighty! Look