The Dillon tribune. [volume] (Dillon, Mont.) 1881-1941, 1886-11-12
"OUR WIFE,"
Tho Editor Of the "Pizenweel' is Sued
for Divorce.

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1ack Greek Pizeu7yced went to the Office at
7 O'Clock a. m. on the morning Of the third
day of April, A. D. 1877, he found the edi.
tor in. 1t was 50 unusual 10 find the edi.
tor in at that hour that the boy whistled in
low contralto voice and passed on into
the "news room," leaving the gentlemanly,
genial and urbane editor of the Pizem.vecd
as he found him, sitting in his foundered
chair, with his head immersed in pile Of
exchanges on the table and his venerable
~" near by acting as paper.weight
Later on Elijah P. Beckwith, the FORE
man, came in, and found the following
copy on the hook marked pleaded edito-
RIAL" and divided up into stakes" for the
yellow. haired devil and himself:
"In another column Of this issue will be
found, among the legal notices, the first.
publication of summons in an action for
divorce, in which our wife IS plaintiff and
we are made defendant. The summons
sets forth as a cause Of action that we are,
and have been for the space Of ten years, a
confirmed drunkard without hope Of re-
covery, and totally unwilling to provide
for and maintain our said wife.
"That we have been given to drink we
do not, at this time, undertake to deny, or
in any way controvert, but that we can
quit at any time we do most earnestly con-
tend.
"In 1867, on the 9TH day Of July, we mar
ried our wife. 1t was joyful day, and
earth never looked to us SO fair or so de-.
sirable as summer resort as it did that
day. The flowers bloomed, the air was
fresh and exhilarating, the little birds and
the hens poured fourth their respective lays.
It was day long to be remembered, and
it seemed as though we had never seen
nature get up and hump herself to be SO
attractive as she did on this special morn.
ing-the morning Of all mornings the
morning on which we married our wife.
"Little did we then dream that after ten
years Of varying fortune we would to-day
give utterance to this editorial or that the
steam power.p press Of the Pizexzveed would
squat this legal notice for divorce. a z.xcxlo
ct tho,o, into the virgin page Of our paper.
But such is the case. Our wife has
abandoned us to our fate and has seen fit to
publish the notice in what we believe to be
the spiciest paper published west of the
Missouri River. It was not necessary
that the notice should be published. We
were ready at any time to admit service,
provided that plaintiff would serve it while
we were sober. We cannot agree to re.
main sober after 10 o'clock a. M. in order
to give people chance to serve notices on
us. But in this case the plaintiff knew the
value Of advertising, and she selected
paper that goes to the better classes all
over the Union. When our wife does any.
thing she does it right.
"For ten years our wife and we have
trudged along together. 1t has been a
record Of errors on our part; record of
heroic devotion and forbearance on the
part Of our wife. 1t is over now, and with
nothing to remember that is not soaked
full Of bitterness and wrapped up in red.
flannel remorse, we go forth to-day and
herald our shame by publishing to the
world the fact that, as husband. we are
depressing failure, whilst as red.eyed and
rum.soaked ruin and all.round drunkard,
we are tropical triumph. We print this
without egotism, and we point to it abso.
lutely without vain glory.
"Ah, why were we made the custodian
Of this fatal gift while others were denied:
1t was about the only talent we had, but
we have not wrapped it in napkin.
Sometimes we have put cold, we. towel
on it, but we have never hidden it under
bushel. We have put it out at three per
cent. month, and it has grown to be a
thirst that is worth coming all the way
from Omaha to see. We do not gloat over
it. We do not say all this to the disparage.
ment Of other bright young drinkers. who
came here at the same time, and who had
equal advantages with us. We do not
wish to speak lightly Of those whose pros.
poets for filling drunkarl's grave were
at one time even brighter than ours. We
have simply sought 10 hold our position
here in the wild and woolly West. We do
not wish to vaunt our own prowcss, but
we say, without fear of successful contra.
diction, that we have done what We could.
"On the fourth page of this number will
be found, among other announcements,
the advertisement Of our wife, who is
about to open up the old laundry at the