The Washington critic., 1886-05-25
GENERAL AND CRIrICuLAR.

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GENERAL AND CRITICULAR.
81 would like to have your name in q
testimonial to the efficacy Of my great
brain and nerve tonic," said doctor with
patent medicine to Jedge Waxem, the
new member from Wayback.
"What fer ?" inquired the Jedge.
"a want 1t to put it In five thousand lead
ing newspapers of the land as an adver-
tisement, Jedge," continued the Doctor
appealingly.
"Well, you can't have it,"
"Why, Jedge, the medicine did you
great deal of good didn't it'"
"Oh, yes; but l can't have my name In
the papers"
"Why notpn
"Jest because II do, an everybody from
Maine to Californy gifts to readln' 1t, they'll
take 1t for n Presidential boom er somethin',
robustness at present. They amt man
whose name has got frequent In the papers
lately that some durn fool feller er other
aln't after him as q Presidential candidate
on some ticket er other, and l perpose
stayin' out Of the ring till the fashions take
different turn"
One Of our sympathetic exchanges says
"IIon. David Davis is great sufferer
Anybody who ever saw the ex-senator
would know that without reading 1t In a
newspaper.
u ap,,; nf
matutinal contemporary asks: "Do we go
to the opera to enjoy its music, the acting,
its spectacles or its baletY' We can't
answer explicitly, but Judging from his
animadversons upon JEANNE Winston, we
should venture the guess that he had gone
TO "make q mash on the prima donna, and
had not got there, SO to speak.
Boucicault says it makes him tired to see
Americans without the courage of their con-
victions In matters of art. So2 Well, If he
comes to Washington and sees how easily
we pay $4,000 for Corot, he may get
rested.
Soon the sweet girl graduate
In elegant prose,
VIII write long essay
On how much she knows.
She'll tic 1t with ribbon,
or red or Of blue.
This screed on the Beautiful,
The Good aud the True.
She'll read II serenely,
With smiles here and there,
And gracefully careless,
VIII fix her back hair.
Then every old lady
VIII turn up her nose,
And say s'Goodness Gracious!
How little she knows."
II Miss Folsom, by some strange freak Of
| fate, should not become the mistress of the
White House, the lecture field presents to
| her mine OF untold wealth.
Forty young lawyers were turned loose on
the community last night. The young law
! yer is not as dangerous as the young doc
tor, but he is fully as expensive. They
come high, but we must have them.
The Memphis Ayalanche ono day last
week contained long editorial headed
"Some Facts" The subject was such al
unusual, not to say startling, one for the
Aralonchc that 1t created q panic among its
readers.
An exchange says "Mary Anderson Il
going to buy stock rancho in Nebrask,
and live on it," But she can't live on 1t
She'll die out there just as sure as he
names Mollie, and you mark our words 1
she doesn't"
Major Stofer Is bachelor who doesn'
have any particular liking for children, an(
he has a sisterin-law who is the happ,
mother OF a dozen rosy-cheeked nephew
one appeared some difficulty was OK
perienced in giving 1t the proper name. On
day the bachelor uncle WAS In aud he wa
appealed to.
"Oh, Major" said the mother, tive ar
just having a too awfully awful time namin
the baby, and we have about concluded I
call 1t John Jay. Short and great. Wha
do you think OF III"
"Ugh," grunted the Major, "may SUI
YOU. Don't suit me.n
"Nofn exclaimed the crowd. "Wh
notY What name would you give it''
"shorter name than that"
"YesS Whatp'
"Stop;" and tho Major stamped ou
leaving seven women in state OF sollaps,
and the baby squalling.
A certain Congressman's little boy has
pretty good opinion Of himself and thinl
he knows nearly as much as everybody eli
In town. His Sunday-school teacher ha
the class up Sunday for examination an
Johnnie was more than ready to tell VIII
he knew.
''Do you know the ten commandment
Johnniefn she asked.
swell should say did," he responds
81 know dozen OF 'em."
Women believe In settling their di1lcu
| tiea In n trial hv iawry