News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-05-20
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
THE LEISURE HOURs.
At the Box Oflce-He Didn't Think-The
New Frog-A Pertinent Questi0n.-After
the Tyrants-On the Front Seat-DOts
and DaShes. ETC.. Etc.
THE VERY FIRST.

LIE FSh1
In old times George smith was a we'll
known trader in the village of Wayne.
All storekeepers sold rum at that day,
and Smith peddled lot of it He
drew it from a hogshead, in which a
plug took the place of modern faucet.
A piece of leather under the plug shaped
the course of the stream. Some of
Smiths customers occasionally bantered
him about watering his rum, but Smith
always good-naturedly replied that he
never put water enough in it to hurt
'em. One morning a customer called
very early and asked for quart of the
liquor. 1t happened that the rum was
low in the hogshead Smith canted it
up, drew out the plug, and only a few
drops came, but frog jumped through
the hole, and hoped around as lively
as ever. "Gosh!" said Smith, that s
the first West India frog ever saw y
LeWiston (Ne.) Journal.
HE FIRED UP.
He had been courting a West End
girl for long time, but he has quit
now. 1t happened Sunday night after
church. They were sitting as close to-
gether as the sofa would permit. She
looked with ineffable tenderness into
his noble blue eyes.
George" she murmured. with a
tremor in her voice, "didn't you tell
me once you would be willing to do
any great act of heroism for my sake ?''
eyes, Fannie, and l gladly reiterate
that statement now, - he replied in con-
f1dent tones. ''No noble Roman of old
was fired with a loftier ambition, a
braver resolution than l."
"WelI, George, l want you to do
something real heroic for me"
"Speak, darling; what is it ?''
'Ask me to be your wife. We've been
fooling long enough"
The sequel is stated in the preface
Washington Critic.
HE KNEW IT.
When the Rev. S. L. B. Chase was a
pastor in Rockland he one day essayed
to treat the Sunday school to a
blackboard exposition of the les
son. So for a starter. and in the way
of graphic ally illuminating his remarks,
he took bit of chalk and slowly and
somewhat painfully sketChed on the
black board a representation of two
human hearts Joined together. "Now,
then," he said, turning to the school,
"who will tell me what l have drawn ?'
81 know" called very little boy on
the front seat "Well," the Pastor
kindly said, 'what is it 2" And the
very little boy on the front seat shrieked
out, "a termarter Rocbland (Me. }
Courier.
IN A HURRY.
Horace was standing in the upper
hall one day doing something which hi:
f66pfped e c69fnued at fFft Il affe4 on
or two prohibitions, and finally She
started toward him He darted toward
the stairway and down the stairs with
such haste that he went two, three and
four steps at time, and landed in q
heap on the floor. Gathering himself
up, he managed to climb upon a chair,
and sat there putting and painting until
his frightened mother reached him,
when he was just able to gasp out
"Mother, you oughtn't me
sor'-Rarper's Bear.
THE INTEREST.
81 suppose Eastern capital has done
a great deal for this country" said a
traveller to Dakota settler.
ooh, 'spect it has-least that's what
they all say"
Haven't you been benefited by it 2"
"W ell no, can't say as have"
"What has been the trouble 2"
''Why, you see, l borrowed $50 of
yer Eastern capital when I first came
out here, and blamed eff it hasn't kept
me humping bouts hard as l can hump
to raise the $50 each month to pay the
interest on it. 1t has kinder held me
back, stranger. "-Es'e ell ne (Dak.) Bel
AT THE DINNER TABLE.
"Come, doctor, you are very skilful.
l will give you the honor of carving. :"
"With pleasure. madam" And imme-
diately the doctor begins his task. He
is very absent-minded, and when he
has finally made a deep cut in the leg
of mutton he stops, takes roll of linen
and some lint out of his pocket and
carefully bandages the wound. Then.
after regarding it critically, he remarks
with professional gravity, while the
guests are stupefed with establishments:
Z" here, with rest and good care there Is
nothing to fear"
DOWN WITH TYRANTs.
eyes" said he to his neighbor across
the fence, "the laboring men are in the
right. 1t was time for them to rise
against the tyranny of capital. Down
with all tyrants, | say"
John Henry!" shrieked a shrill voice
from the kitchen, 'are you going to
hang out that clothes-line and split that
wood and draw that water, or shall l
1 have to come out to you p
eyes, Mirandy," he answered meek
ly, 'I'm going right about it-"-BostOn
Courier.
DOWN THEY GO.
A man from the country went into
second hand store on Jefferson avenue
yesterday and asked the proprietor to
show him spring overcoat. Seer
tainly; We are just putting down de
brices on shbring shtock." Suddenly
there was a terrific hammering and
general hubbub in rear room. ''FOr
Heavens sake what's that?" asked the
customer. "Oh, don't got vrightened.
Dots only my son Isaac knocking down
de brices or shbring goots. ."-Detr0it
Ir, 6une.
DIDN'T STOP TO THINK.
One of her friends, not very we'll off
-, n porldly wav had bOuUht her a