The Portland daily press., 1886-05-01
WIT AND WISDOM.

First Tough: Say, Bill, think you'd better
skip der town.
First Tough Why, you wuz connected wild der
big robbery wuzn't yer?
Second Tough: Oh, OATS all right. Der papers
will keep me posted wot der cops are dom an'
when dey's getting on der track kin skip. Der
press is great thing fer us fellers sometimes.
My wife, who has suffered with acute attacks of
neuralgia in the head, used Athlophoros, and its
wonderful. After taking two doses
the pain left her, and she has not had an attack
since. John Anger, 129 Howe St., New Haven,
CT.
1t was on Lehigh Valley train bound South
that this scene occurred:
conductor extended his hand, with the punch
handily adjusted to its fingers. Thereupon the
lady quickly pushed farther into her seat, re-
aAh! but my dear sir, do not want my tooth
extracted. 1t hasn't troubled me for several
The conductor stepped nearer to the end of the
seat, and was about to make a facet1ous reply, as
he considered she was not in earnest, when she
met him with:
Didn't ten you in sufficiently plain terms
you deaf? Go on about your business with that
Instrument
She was really in earnest, and when she learned
what the punch was for bushes suffused her
face.
Pain from indigestion, dyspepsia, and too hearty
eating is relieved at once by taking one of Carriers
Little Liver Pills Immediately after dinner. Don't
forget this
A little girl of three years noticing the light
ming for the first time, came rushing to her
20 mammal Did you see the sun flying bye"
The same little girl asked Tor some pums lor
ON being Gd sEe were NOne she
"Oh, yes there are, for the plumbers were mere
yesterday"
Remarked by r. c. Joiner of Allen, P. o. Hills
dale Co., Mich, "Nothing gave my rheumatism
such quick relief as DR.. Thomas Electric OIL
Believe it infalble for rheumatics.
De Beans-So that dones Brown match is brok-
en- off, is it?
being so deuced economical.
DeBeans-You astOniSh me.
DOnkey-YeS he sent circulars to all the min
listers in town asking for their lowest matrimonial
terms, and old Brown kicked.
Women with pale, colorless faces, who feel weak
and discouraged, will receive both mental and
bodily vigor by using Carter's Iron Pills, which
are made for the blood nerves and complexion.
cts curious what change time makes re-
marked Secretary Lamont to the President the
''of course, Of course." replied the President
absently, looking out of the window abstractedly,
and wondering why the grass looked so much
greener this spring than ever before;
"Now here's paper" continued the secretary,
that abused you continually while you were a can
didate, but now it has completely charged about"
''Yes, yes, it happens So" said the President
shortly, Juggling at his moustache and speculatlng
upon the probable warmth of June weather for
travelling parties.
''Just look at the difference" persisted the
doughty Daniel snow instead of criticism til ere is
constant praise. Its fiattery may even be called
fulsome. II
The President wheeled about suddenly. "What
was your last word, Daniel!' he asked
''Fulsome,' said the secretary.
sob, ah-yesl thought you said Fols-. But no
matter! 1t is indeed true what you say.
Then the private secretary ruStled the pal er,
and the President looked out of the window more
intently than ever.
Scott's Emulsion of Pure Cod Liver
Oil with Hypophosphites-I General
Debility and En1dcidtion.-Is a most valuable
food and medicine 1t tends to create an appe-
tite for food.-It strengthens the nervous system
and builds up the body.
Two fashionable young ladies walking
down street. one on either side of a young gentle
in proportions. street gamin grinned at Them
then remarked dryly, much to the discomfort OF
the dude: "Ain't much in that sandwich"
Vegetne is q specific for all diseas es of the
blood which appear in spring
ride on the railroad. A boy with basket of
cakes passed through the car, and i'll response to