News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-03-25
TERMS $3.50.
A pEnr1Exrp LITTLE BOY.

DoDDJ ITO young reAtnerly, WuO II
making an evening call-Who was the
other young lady you took to church
last Sunday besides sister Clara 2
Featherly-Other young lady? Your
sister was the only young lady escort
ed last Sunday, Bobby.
Bobby-Sure 2
Sister Certainly, Mr.. Featherly
is sure. Don't be foolish, Bobby.
Bobby-Then what did you mean by
telling George that he had taken Miss
Flora McFlimsey to church i-M 7.
San.
THE MODEL MAN
He don't play the fiddle, part his hair in the
middle, nor dress like an Anglican dude.
When he goes to q party with Meigs or
McCarty, he never is noisy and rude.
He lives in frugality and sweet conjugality,
sAsl wants pie but two times day;
IL ---rtr eats onions nor treatls on your
bunions, nor growls when you get in his
way;
He's wise and he's witty, persevering and
gritty, and has magnificent head,
He's ali light and sweetness, he's thorough
completeness, he's perfection in short
but he's dead. Lynn Union.
COMMON METRE.
He (meeting her at the church door to
escort home)-"That was a beautiful
hymn the service closed with"
She-"Yes."
He-"Are you fond of hymns 2"
She-"Well, there's one / may say l
am particularly fond Of.
He-'1ndeed! What kind of metre
is it in ?"
"She-'It is a come an meet-er
him."
Then they linked arms and strolled
away with their heads close together
Boston Courier.
THE MANLY ART.
First Sport Who lost at the prize
fight last night ?
Second Sport-The winner.
First Sport-The winner lost don't
understand.
Second Sport-The stakeholder ran
away with the money.
SCIENTIFIC CHANGES.
Young Physician (to old doctor)-The
medical profession does not practice
bleeding patient nowadays to any ex-
tent, does it, doctor
Old Doctor-Not with lancet.
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
THE most inveterate loafer in the
world is the fool killer.
A CORRESPONDENT wants to know how
to keep cider from working. Imbue it
with Socialistic ideas. Nothing works
that has them.
A NEBRASKA town boasts of having a
COW with bark like dogs. All we
have to say to this is that when the old
COW dies, they should tan her hide with
that bark.
CAN anybody tell why a woman al
ways laughs when she is being weighed,
while man, during the same perform
ance, has serious, if not an anxious.
countenance
A KANSAS man 'fpoints with pride" to
the fact that his wife has worn one bon
net for 20 years. The feeling with
which the wife points to the husband
has not been described.
A PUPIL in one of our public schools
remarked one day last week, while re-
citing history. that ''the first conscien-
tious Congress met in Philadelphia. It
has been suggested that 1t was also the
last one.
MosE-'1 say, Por, why does dey
allus put D. c. after Washington 2''
Daddy-"Why, chile, rs surprised at
yer iginanee. Doan' yer know dat D.
G. means dat Washington wuz de daddy
of his country 2"
SHILOH is the name of the battle in
which both armies annihilated each
other and all the survivors have written
descriptions of it. This is the only way
the disaster can be expressed without
maps and diagrams.
CARL Rosa has secured a decision
from Liverpool court to the effect that
admission can be denied to persons who
are known to have the habit of talking
during the performance of the music
They will not be missed.
az WOULD like you to help me lit.
tle," said vagrant, poking his head
into country shop. "Why don't you
help yourself ?" asked the proprietor.
"Thank you, I will" said the tramp,
plChIAS up uotlie u plchleS anu tWo
loaves of bread, and then vanishing.
"PAPA," said an inquisitive youth,
''what is the difference between a
broker and banker 2" Papa is puz-
zled, but brings experience to his aid.
He finally tells the difference: ga
broker is one who breaks you to pieces
by degrees; a banker takes you in at
gulp."
IT seems as if the agonies would
never end. The very recentmost of
them all is for young lady to obtain a
corn cob, gild it, decorate it with pink
ribbons, and place it on her pas plate
at the dinner table. This is supposed
to be an aesthetic manner of SAYING
"You have got to shell OUT"