The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1886-07-28

Sick man (making his wild to lawyer
have 10000 insurance on my life, house
and FL 900 in cash. The insurance money
and house must go to my wife, but 1 hardly
know what disposition to make of the cash.
Lawyer-You had better leave it % me in
trust to sue the insurance company with.
Deacon Bucrag had been invited to adj
dress the Sunday school, and, as he was
poor talker, plunged at once into the story
If Jonah and the whale. Now, dear chill
lren,' he concluded, is not that nice
story?" Yes sir" replied one of the
smallest of dear children, +" it's a nice story,
but it's choker."
A writer in Cassell's Magazine discusses
the subject of hands. " Hands, t" he remarks,
reveal habits, occupations, trades" So
they do, and now and then some of them
reveal five aces or right bower, (which
the same Nye had dealt " to the man whe
| doesn't play it. 1t is this last variety Of
hands which does so much to relieve the
monotony of life in the southwest.
A little New Orleans girl asked heI
mother how it was that Adam and Eve came
20 leave the garden of Eden, and was told
hat the devil entered the garden in the
form of serpent and tempted them, and
God banished them. The little child pom
dered and then said " Mamma, why didn't
God send the devil away instead of Adam
md Eve? They were in the garden first"
The wooden shirt for summer dress is all
,he rage just at present among the young
men, and they are manufactured in sucl
tasteful styles that for ordinary occasions
they are presentable as the stiff white As
matter of fact, the wooden shirt is said by
physicians to be the most healthful of them
all, especially in this climate of sudden
changes. II gives the body better circu-
lation of dir, and checks sudden chills that
| the billed" article enhances.
citizen of Detroit has had his faith in
human nature rudely shaken. One day
when the rain was falling fast he saw
young man and young woman padding
through the wet unbrellaless He was neai
his own door. So, with rare philanthropy,
he thrust his silk umbrella into the hand
of the astonished young man, saying,
You can bring it back tomorrow to that
house there" The young man took the
umbrella, and the good citizen of Detroit
hasn't seen it since.
Ayers Hair Vigor has no equal, in
merit and efficiency, as hair dressing
and for the prevention of badness. 1t
eradicates dandruff, keeps the scalp moist,
clean and healthy, and gives vitality and
color to weak, faded and gray hair. The
most popular of toilet articles.
The parties who 10 years past have run
the Delaware Rolling Mill at Phillips
burg, have not been careful in freeing the
iron from cinder. As result, in the Gin
der bank on the river beside the mill Is
large amount of iron. One gentleman has
said: "There is fortune in that cinder
| dump" The bank Is now being dug
away, and the cinder and iron shipped to
| furnaces to be remelted. Some of it goes
to the Lebanon furnace. That it pays to
dig away the bank is conclusive from the
mere fact that the work is being done.
Tho "Knights of Temperance" is the
name of new organization which pro-
poses to take a hand in the Prohibition
part of the coming campaign. They are
to be put into uniforms, and are to be led
by an officer to be known, 1t is said, as
the "Grand Duke" an altogether I'M
American title which smacks of English
snobbery.
Steve Brodie, the bootblack who lately
jumped from the Brooklyn bridge, inn
AGNES himself to be great hero, and has
hired himself out to dime museum fol-
800 week. There Is no doubt that
several flats will yet loose their lives il
endeavoring to follow his example,
Mrs. Garfield aud her family have gone
to live at the Mentor farm. Grandma
Gardfield is now living with the family a
Mentor. The Garfield home In Cleve
land is for sale.
That's 3d. It is the newspaper maj
that ought to get mad because he has t,
quit work and go out to dun his custom
ers. Monmouth Democrat.
mo man should get angry because (
newspaper man duns him for money
Exchange.