Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1886-07-14
"ASTI-BoopLE'sr MIssIvE.
RrMP HoLLER, BoBTAIL Co, July ID.

RUMP H0LLER, boBTAlL Io''1uJ 10
,IeemS B. NeRdger:
DEER JIM have been sick to hum
ever since them reporters got onto our
snap and Civ the hull game away.
Me and Steve Elkins, Nate Golf n two
or three other contidenshul friends talked 1t
all over Yesterday, and if that reporter he'd
bin thar he would hey got it hot, Nate
said he'd Civ his intrust ina hull Washing
ton street car to ketch that Teller, and
Steve said he'd a big notion to call out Pap
Prices Milishy and hunt him down. fhe he'd
TO run him all over Columbus.
Jest think NV it, jim. All them free
rides, that Doodle, an the fun we'd hey
had diyidin' out them offices, an fOOlin'
sech fellers rs Black Dovener, Scotield,
Foreman, and the rifl-raffR Republicans who
stan on the corner an heller for Nate
Cot. Then sides that there would
hev been the fun of jingling
Sherman's trade dollars In our
pockets as q sort of rhythmic harmony
emblematic ofsuccess. But that reporter,
ding CAST him! busted the hull scheme.
Now, before l go into details, | will tell
you how that expose" effected me. l
wuz settin' out under the porch an Lhze
wuz readin' the papers.
''NYhat's this, Aleck2" says she.
whats WHAT" said l. An then she
commenced readin' tibet gosh, dinged eX-
pose, | tell you, jim, ! wuz so Illus
trated tibet | couldn't say q word, The
sweat broke out all over me, an big drops
NV perspirashun fell with q splash rite
onto the floor; i wuz paralyzed and tung
tied. | wanted to say some cuss words,
hut somehow l kudn't get my mouth OIL;
it wuz list rs tite as if l he'd a liver pad
over it. When Lie got through jist fell
of7n tibet bench in a ded faint. All our
maneuYering an slick games gone TO eter=
nal smash, the offices, Me trade dollars
and the (?) independent vote all gone up
the hume. 1t wuz enuf to dishearten a
'onest Republican. They picked me up
and dumped me into a wheelbarrow
an wheeled to the back room
an put me to bed. | thought
that I'd die, Jim, Qy mortitcashqq an
race. Then the dOktsr cum, an he pre-
scribed rump pills an bob tail powders,
an when he wuz asked whether I'd pule
through, he said that | he'd suthin' on my
conscience, an if I'd only throw that up
my life might be saved, but I'd never be
nuthin' more hereafter hut q politikle
runt. He sed he he'd 4 hull lot OF sick
cases, an that it seemed tQ he epidemic.
There wuz," said he, "Steye Elkins,
Nate Goff, Hubbard, White, Peterson,
woodward, Hays, Church, Redmond, an q
hull lot NV others who he'd it bad; but
Hart, the man with the gigantic intelleck,
he'd he'd 4 spasms an , fip-laps in two
days" He he'd hopes nv savin' the rest
NV the mob, but they'd be ny Lo use any
more as politishuns. Jim, when l heerd
tibet Elkins wa down an a whoOpin' the
old Confederate yell, l knowd it wuz all
day with Steve, but my heart bled for poor
Nate, who wu2 50 crazy that he wuz col
lectin fares on q street railroad in Wash
ington an turnin' over the proceeds to 4
lot of Buckeye editors an trimmeTS.
Well, jim, / pulled through at last,
thanks to a good constitushun an a pure
heart, but | will never be the same man
agin. I'm goin' to apply for a pensun.
OF to hey it, fur ] fell fur my country.
Now, Jim, l want 10 warn you to be keer-
full NV this letter, an don't let any report
ers interview YOU, fur they'll print all you
say an half you think. If you he'd heerd
Lie lecturin' NE you would hev felt fur
me. She made all sorts Nv fun NV us al,
an told me | had missed my vocation, |
ought to raise calves, rs / wuz the wust
ole politikle stag she ever saw. "Aleck,'
said she, one day when | wuz peruSin' the
MteHigencer, lookin' in vain fur sum BAN
in Gilead from Hart, you fellers wuz the
wust ole mob of politikle steers ever
heern NV. You'd all sell yure best frens
fur an ole hOop-skirt TO chaw, if you could,
but Providence stepped in an broke up
that roundup. Now you ole maverick are
all down with plelrQ-pneHmoHia an can't
chaw nothin' but the cud nv disappoint-
ment." never did take SMILES an Lie
Jest worried the lite outen me with 'em.
She called the soup / took in the first stages
of eonvalescence "Neill House soup" and
the beef tea was Doodle Tea" and sich?
To close my letter Jim, let me tell you
confideShully, we're gOin' to have n meetin'
ofthe State Central Committee at Parkers-
burg on she 2sth, only sixdays after ourbig
meetin' wuz to kun off quietly in Ohio,
which hez been partikler postponed
on akount of the ding-gosted reporter an
we've concluded to have everything open
an above board, at least so far as them
feilers outside the ring Kin ses, which
amt far, and then we'll ssrt out the Offices
an divide the doodle into select commit
tee av arranngemmont. I'll write again
when l hear from you an have something
Important to tell you. Don't let your wife
read this.
Yours sorrowfully,
ALEcK ANTI-BooDLE.