News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-02-18

that Mary Barney, for she do drink like
a fish, ma'am."
''Drink. Is it2'' here struck in Mrs.
B.arneGy, "An' Ph3wat right have ye to
say tAAt-17 Ann AAl-1htlar 80 bcauLyF'' Aud
then turning to the lady, sho declared,
ninst ye, ma'am, ye couldn't drink more
nor Ann Mullins yersilf. No. ma'am. "
--Bdsar.
sTAGNATIoN OF TRADE.
"Sold anything while I was gomez"
asked the shoe store man of his new
boy. :.
''Half sold pair of boots" replied
the young man.
"Half sold o pair of boots" roared
the merchant; ''this is not cobbler
shop, you base plebeian!"
II know replied the noble lad, fear
lessly; "but man with peg leg came
along and sold him half pair of split
leather boots at French calf prices"
The generous merchant faltered mo-
tnept, and then fell upon the young
mans neck and wept-cried like child
because he didn't get more for the
boot.-BURDETTE.
THE STYLE.
aA1y deah fellah,v said Van Duden,
tfyou weally must learn to hold youah
cigawette bettah. You see, am bit
oldah than you, 50 don't mind telling
you that some Of the men at the club
actually have remawked to me on the
shocking way YOU smoked. Neyah
again take your cigawette between
h
Always bold 1t eithah between youah
two first fngahs or between youah
thumb. and second fingah, and invawi-
!ably elevate youah little fngah at the
same time, s-Q Chicago 2Fdbasae.
An oRPgAs cHu.D.
&Goad mornin', Mrs. O'Raherty. l
bear ye was out to the orphans at Cold
Sprlnga
- Was, Mrs. o'Flaherty. An indade
an III niyer forgit the beautiful scenery
of half hundred little ones widout any
father nor mother. Sure an they're
trated so noice, and are taxed sich good
care of that me an me ovid mon are
goin' to see if we can't make an orphant
of our little Jenny an put him out
there"
Faith, an it's sense ye be talkin'
now. Ye have ist as good right to
have orphant child as any one else. a.
Kentucky State JoatTqlnA
THE WHOLE HOG,
a Chicago man who had been up
pointed receiver for certain firm went
to o lawyer and asked:
."5QQgh .at radhHQaHgt radhHQaHgt $50, ql,lQaeQ. QaaeQ. vRgssinG
receiver to proft2"
The receiver looked disappointed, and
the lawyer asked If he had expected
more.
''Why, I can't possibly see what bust
ness any one has with the other So, 600, !"
he replied. - Val Street Ne1Ca.
POSTPONED.
"Gentlemen," said college president
OF O meeting of the faculty, I'VE must
take means at once to stop the game OF
football It is bringing our grand old
institution into uisrepute."
Just then great noise was heard out
side, and the president demanded the
cause of It.
"News has Just been received" ex-
planned one Of the younger professors,
apologetieally, "that our men have
wrested the football championship from
Princeton"
"Goodr" shouted the president, flush
ing with excitement, II didn't dare
hope it. l think, gentlemen, we had
better not be too-er-hasty in this
matter. life.
THE SECRET OF SUCCESS.
Small Boy-A cents worth Of pea
nuts, aunty.
Auuty-Arrrhl be off wild ye. Dye
think it's mesolf that would be afther
sellin' cents worth of peanutsa
Small Boy (around the corncrl-Gim-
me a cents worth of peanuts, Garri-
baldi.
Garribaldi-Si, signor; vera gooda
peanut, fTesha roasta.
AN UNDESIRABLE PROTECTOR.
CAN is over between George and my
SELF said Clara, as she sank wearlly
into q chair; 81 cannot trust my future
happiness to such man. / shall write
him at once that we must part"
"What Is the troublef'
81 met him to-day and he wore ear
muffs."
There, if you haven't brought home
another dog"
Certainly, my dear. Don't you like
7Like them! John Henry, you know
/ hate dogs. If had my way I'd have
every last one 'em killed"
"Wcll, if you did, I'd like to know
whore they'd get virus to cure hydropho
bia with. That's all woman know
about science. ~ Chicago Neacs.
THINKS WELL OF THE COUNTRY.
"Shine 'em uppa9" said an Italian
bootblack to Pat, just landed
''Phat's the charge2" asked Pat.
"Fiye centa.P
oBegoEra, said Pat, as he seate'
himself in the chair, sit Is foiEe coun
thry. Ameriky, where poor Oirishma
can get his boots blacked by gintle
man wild goold rings in his ears. IA
y. Sun.
MILWAUKEE Is ALL RIGHT.
II Is strange what stories will get ell
cnlated abroad. For instance, 1t ha
long been croaked about the countr
that Milwaukee is not good newspapt
town. And yet it is a custom in Mi
waukee upon each holiday for a brewin
company to leave keg of beer at eac
daily newspaper Office. And there al
thirteen breweries in Milwaukee,-Mj
aoaastee Journal
so COLD.
"There is another cold wave coming,
remarked Mr.. Fangle to his wife las
night" -,
7Where from9" asked the lady.
.'From the Northwest, where they a
come from"
"Why do all the cold waves CON
from the Northwest, my dearf"
ooh, because there is so much coo
ness between st. Paul and Minneapolis.
s--Pttts6myh Chronicle.
, DIsREGARDED.
Eugenia-Ah, papa, see what Ere
gave me for New Year's-a beautifl
plaque of papier mache.
Stern PARENT don't care to look
, the thing. Thought told you not
have anything to do with any mo-
! mashes2