The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1886-10-07
THE MERRY SIDE I

| Virgins might come out, now, ana predlcI
| frost.
The true Prohibition idea-Prohiblt the DEM
ocratic party.
Virgins, province is to predict-if the storms
and quakes don't come, II isn't Wigs fault.
|
John Mcbride slobbers over the working men
just as man pours vinegar over an oyster.
What pity for the Democracy they didn't
| learn the art of cane-making during the war.
-
The predictions of subterranean disturbances
were probably sprung to keep the drummers at
| home. 5
| The editor of the Portsmouth Free Lance Is a
Cooper. And they say he can make good
head-way.
The Democratic party will not put up so strong
fight this year as last-part of it is in the Pen
itentiary.
| "Broad is the road that leads to destruction"
but it is occupied. You can't pass the Demo-
cratic party.
Murphy impiores all men to quit drinking,
and be sober, industrious men. For this he is
called "ReIublican."
Many dude can testif y that it is nothing
unusual to see human hide covering walk
ing stick.
The Kentuckians said to have discovered
diamonds It's rich country. They even see
beads in their whisky.
The tight-sleeve dresses are going out of style,
and the husband will rejoice. The wife can
now blow her own nose.
+.+
We see the Democrats have put up our good
friend Alf. Lewis, for Sheriff. Think he will
trade as well as Frank Price?
John Mcbride don't believe in dynamite
bombs, but he is going to hoist himself by his
own petard, on election day.
+.+
Gov. Foraker has to leave his cane at home
when he goes out stumping. The Boards of
health quarantine against him.
There was great enthusiasm in the Democrat
ic County Convention, at this place. In fact,
that was about all there was of it.
-
They called on Capt. H. c. Jones to pray, in
the Macarthur Schools, the other day, and he
had to plead youth and inexperience.
The human mind cannot be affected by lone
illness. Why, they held Democratic Conven-
tion in Gallia County, the other day.
So"
1t is feared that the price of board will mate
rally advance this winter, the market re-
ports indicate great scarcity Of onions
-
If any more walking-sticks are to be made,
we suggest that the skin be taken from Demo-
crats-their hides are SO thick and hard.
+.+
Mcbride regards the miners in the light of bank
mules to be driven to the Democratic market
and sold. But he'll find an awful chalk"
The Democratic party claims to be the friend
of laborirg men-possibly because it has reliev-
ed more men of labor than any other party!
Well, if Repub licans will get into the Peniten-
tiary, they may expect to get skinned. Why
tackle the Democrats on their own grounds?
"Our opponents are wide awake!" says DEM
ocratic paper. That settles it, then. Democrat
ic methods work successfully when the other
fellows are asleep.
We should not be at all surprised to leaIn that
| the Democrats had been making tobacco
pouches out OF convicts' ears. We're prepared
to hear anything.
The Commercial Gazette says Sherman alfred
the signal-gun, at Portsmouth. Then Judge
Thompson must have fired a whole battery.
Ask Cooper if he didn't.
+.+
Speaking of one of the nominees, the Gallipo-
lis Bulletin says che needs no introduction to
the people of Gallia County," OF course not
| 1t is useless to introduce him.
-
| They say Cooper pulled a revolver from his
| hip pocket as he ran from Thompson. He
wanted the pistol out of that-he might fall
down upon it and blow his brains out.
! The trouble with educating a good many
young men in these days, is that the head is
| too shallow to hold the knowledge poured into
it, and it runs over, and is lost.
+.+
| Our promotions come slow w-but Wen al
get there, after awhile. The Private in
the late war is now classed as Captain, while
| Generals too thick to count.
The Mt. Vernon Banner says: "The people
ought to stand by Mcbride" Oh! bless you
they will! They'll stand all around him SC
thick that he cannot see the State House.
|
lie cturer showed up the folly of superstition
10 class in a female college, and two hour:
afterwards found half dozen of the girls ou
staring at the new moon and "making a wish
Said one man to another, in Jackson dog
gerry, "Hit me, right hereT He did, and when
the other fellow got done rolling, and came to
he was perfectly satisfied. There's nothing
mean about Jackson man.
| The worst case of Democratic misfortune il
that the statesmen sent TO the Pen for crime
committed in the interest of the party, will no
be reached by the Presidents pardon.
The amateur detective was dressing before
| the glass, and talking TO friend at the same
time. "Why," said he, speaking of his exploits
and looking straight into the mirror, "I know
the face of a villain, as soon as see it ~
|
The Mansfield Shield and Ranner democrat.
| ic), asks: "Win the people do their duty p
| You can bank on it They'll do it, right along
even though they don't leave enough Demo
| Gratis for another ca mpaign.
Democrats affect to disbelieve the skin-cane
story. They can't understand how black and
| white skins can be mixed so as TO make a mot.
tied color. But the Democratic party can un
derstand how u black skin can be changed to 8
yellow.
When old man Payne talked about " cleaning
| the Augean Stables" many Republicans
thought it mere figure of speech. But the OLD
| man was thinking of the mess his party was
making in the Penitentiary.
! The wealth er prophet will not examine the
| corn-husks this year. to see if we will have Sc
we're winter. Those who have purchased roast