The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1886-12-30
HUMOR.

10 BE an ouectuhi Pnhty "h'Pt @"AA
must have some snap to him.
THERE is always crewel work to be
done, and dainty fingers delight IN do
ing it.
TIE child is born. A golden spoon
Was ordered for the natal day.
But then no cries like osher kids
because he's Vanderbilt that way.
It'd BITS.
Brown-Did you enjoy yourself while
YOU were away? Green-fou bet!
Didn't see a BILE sed bill collector the
whole time. Boston Courier.
az DON'T know anything about Theos-
opbists.p said John Sullivan, slapping
his hand upon the table, "but there's
fist that, / bet, can knock the spots out
of all your Theosophlsts. '-bosfom
Courier.
JONES'" remarked Mr.. Snodgrass,
drinks like a fish," "Oh, pshawP re-
turned Jarvey, she never touched
drop OF liquor in his life" "Oh, in
deed" returned Mr.. Snodgrass dryly.
"Do FISH touch liluor?"
Mrs. JoNEs-"You won't be lone
some, dear, while I'm away, with no
one TO play the piano for you?' Jones
"a brute)-"Oh, no, L guess not. L un-
derstand the new boiler shop across
the way is about to run day and night"
"DoEs she call that playing?' in
auired Jones, as Mrs. Jenkyns assailed
the piano keys. "Yes, of course she
does" "Well, it's what I'd call real
hard work. Do the people like it?"
"Well, they try to, my boy; that's
where the hard work comes In.
"WHERE have you been all morning?'
incurred merchant of one of his
travelling men. "Been down to the
corner shaking for the cigars with my
brother" "Oh. Who got stuck p Il
did every time. / never before realized
the force of the expression, 'sticketh
like brother.
JENKINS, what is the meaning of the
word 'ichor' that 1 understand Miss
Cleveland makes use OFF," asked an
elderly citizen the other day. why,
according to the dictionary, it means "A
thin, watery humor.' "Cm. What
was she writing about when she used
it?" Dunno. Some modern funny
man. or other, reckon"
"YoU have insulted me, sir, and I
demand an apology" angrily said one
politician to another "How?" inquired
the other. "You said was liar, 3ir. "
"Oh, did I?' "Yes, sir, you did, and
/ want an opology. well, you can
have it. I'll take it back. L don't
know whether you are liar or not"
Thanks. Come have something.
Washington Critic.
"THIs man sneaked up to my door
opJ oto1a INV bororo altar oficar Sra
rometer-phwats that, sab ?" at tells
the weather, you see; if there's low
barometric depression, the instrument
records the mean temperature-"
"Mane temperature, is it? Och, an
thin the thafe was joostifed in stating
it, because he was disgoosted with the
climate. The temperature has been
name enough to make harness-maker
lave traces of his work behind him.
Hal haP-Chicdgo Ledger.
ENGLISH AS SHE d WROTE.
The teacher, a lesson he taught;
The preacher, a sermon he praught;
The stealer, he stole:
The healer, no hole;
And the screecher, he awfully scrnught
The long vinded speaker. he spoke;
The poor ofiice-seeker, he soke;
The runner. he ran;
The dunner, be dan;
And the shrisker no,t horribly shroko.
The flyer TO Canada few;
The buyer on credit he bew;
ihe door he did;
The suer, no sid;
And the liar Ia fisht rman) lew.
The wrtor, this nonsense he wrote;
The Fighter IAN editor fote;
The swimmer, he swan;
Tho SKINNER, he skam;
And the bit3r WAS hungry and bote.
II. Z. Dodge, 40 Dssr0st Free Press.