Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1886-06-05
THE HUMORISTS.

II
attitudes of Russia at this season of the
year. Life.
Inc Minneapolis Journal has compiled
statistics showing that Miss Folsom has
thus far 40 uncles.
1t is rumored that Henry Bergh will indict
all street-rallWay companies using bOb-tail
cars during fiy-time. The Rambler.
The Nan who never does any harm might
crawl into cave and stay there ten years
without being missed. Chicago Ledger.
The fashionable young man will be cloth
ed so loudly thi> season that you can hear
his pants in the summer. Boston CONNER.
cial Bulletin.
Mexican pulQue is a beer made from the
juice of the cactus. and is sold for one cent
glass. Ii looks, bitter, smells loud, and
tastes yellow. but IT gets there all the sane.
Springfield Union.
''Sir," exclaimed an angry customer to his
grocer, you are a regular highwayman."
Sir, you insult me. 1 am not" Il say
you are: for, like all highwaymen, you lie in
weight" The Rambler.
Benevolent Old Lady (who had just given
| penny to small IuStic)-"Now, my dear,
what do you say?' Small Rustic with ma
tive pOliteneSs)-give US another" Col
lapse of old lady. Ex.
A writer remarks that "the world Is full
OF smiles and tears" How true this rs.
gentle reader! 1t is only last evening that
we saw gentleman indulging in smiles,
preparatory to going on tear. Puck.
Smith,"Chat dog of yours keeps me
awake NIGHTS, hOwling," Jones-"Why, l
have no dog. II must be my daughter sing
ing" Smith-"ls that so? Excuse me. /
am sorry. l don't suppose she can be shot,
eh?" Judge
Husband Gmpatiently to wife)-'I told
you L only wanted half cup of tea. ard,
as usual. you've filled il to the top. Don't
you know what half full is!' MOther-in-
law (grimly)-''She ought to know by this
time" New York Sun.
Father" asked RollO, "why did Ajax
defy the lightning" Because my. son Ajax
known to miss five thousand times where it
hit once. Moreover, it was eight hundred
miles away, and wasn't tightening at the
time. Ajax knew who to Defy" Brooklyn
Eagle.
"How is this, Herr getscke? You have
got your room full of OleanderS and other
tropical plants, and telephOne,I see" you
see nave been asked to compose poem on
spring, that Is why have had a telephone
laid on the public park to enable me to lis
ten TO the singing OF the birds. Der FlOh.
LADY, am so glad to make your per.
sonai acquaintance! have often read your
name" Poet (1attered)-"Ah! Do you
know nv lyrical poems or nv noveis?' |
Lady-"Neither." POet-"My tragedies%'
Lady-"NO; but rou happen to live in the |
same house as a friend of mine, and when |
ever visit her see your name on the door |
plate" Abendbote.
We recently examined a Los Angeles tin |
ner Tor life insurance, who, in answer to the |
question, Have you ever been intoxicated?' |
answered: 1T is just this way: was |
born on the Fourth of July, and | was with |
Grant when Nicksburg capitulated on the |
Fourth OF July, and to get through with the |
three celebrations in one day fills me pretty /
- full" Southern California Practitioner. |
A Boycott, wandering in a wood. came
suddenly face to face with Blackmail. |
Each started back in AstOnishment at see
ing MS own Features reproduced in the /
COuntenance Of the other. After mutual |
inquiries, each rolled up his sleeves, and the
, Marks on the aims were found
the Blackmairs lOng-lOst Brother from
Abroad. Chicago Tribune
what pay do you get'" asked a man,
VINO had Just arrived in a Western Dakota
town, of the Marshal. twenty-five dol
lars month";" isn't that pretty small
wages?' "Oh. yes, it would be if / had to
work all the time. You SEE, whenever the
begins to get sort of thick ana sultry-like
with bullets, go home, and crawl into the
cellar. They are here pretty frequent, so |
nave an easy time of it," EStellne Cd. t. |
Bell.
The following story comes from a school
n the MidlandS. The master told the BOYS
II thu third class to write a short ESSAY on
Columbus. The following was sent up by
IN ambitious essayist: columbus was a
nan who could make an egg stand on end
Without breaking it. The King of Spain
,aid to Clumbus: Can you discover
American Yes said Clumbus, If you '
Will give me Ship So he had ship, and
allied over the sea in the direction where he
bought America ought to be found. The
ailors quarreled and said they believed
here was no such place. But after many -,
lays the pilot came TO him, and said: Cluni.
'us, l see land Then that is America
aid Clumbus. When tile ship got near the
and was full of black men, Clumtu, said
Is this American" Yes, it is said they.
Then he said: L suppose you are the mig S
ars% Yes, they said; we are The chief
aid: i suppose you are Clumbus You
re right said he. Then the chief turned
o his men and said: There is no help for :
;; we are discovered at last" London I