Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1886-03-13
CHAPTER vi.
A CLEw.

hate the task of describing what manner
of life led during the mex two years. l
hate the memory Of everything connected
with that time l wish it could be bOtted
out from my mind. Two years which hold
no action, no thought of my own to which
l can look back with any pleasure. must
write of that wretched time, but l will make
its record as short as possible
Nevertheless, will be candid, and show
myself in as bal light as truth compels.
do not seek to excuse myself by saving
that many another in my place would have
acted as l acted. l hope there are few in
the world who have passed through such
grief and shame as mine.
At first without for moment losing
sight of the vengeance which ! meant to
take on the traitor, Eustace Grant, set
myself the task of forgetting the false
woman who had fled from my side l
vowed | would destroy the love bore her
and learn to look upon her with scorn and
contempt, as the basest of her sex. If the
thought of suing for a divorce entered my
head bani>hed It at once. | cared not to
RESUME my freed )m. SO long n, | was
bound t. one woman there was no chance of
my beng cajoed and deceived by another.
if ever l could be fool enough to love and
trust another woman as | had loved and
trusted VIOLA
Besides l shranl from the exposrre: /
shrank from the thought of Icing made
public laughing stock, as min wlCse wife
left him fortnight after her MARI age.
No; | would tea III myself to scoln loathe.
forget her-that WAS ALL
But bow to forgets If cursed her by dav
| dreamed of her by night. Then she came
to me- sweet ana pure as Thought her ON
the day when l made her my wife. | saw
her soft eyes, her graceful form; | heard her
fresh Young loving voce, and in nv dreams
was Aarpy, for l could never dream evil of
her. But again and again, when Iawoke.
and remembered what she now was. Isobb d
as few strong men permit themselves to
sob, and then only in the dead OF night.
when none can hear or see them
would Iorgeoi | swore | woul forpei
So. in search of forge tfulness. l plunged
into a whlri OF fierce dissipation ! became
to all appearances the most reckless of n
reckless set l gambled for large sums.
lost or won thous ands at sit ing; vet only
proved to myself that | was as Indifferent
to money as | was to everything else save
the loss of Viola. Curiously enough. Ibid
not ruin myself at the gaming tabl4 On
the whole, | won largely, and so constantly
that my luck became a byword. NV luck,
smiled bitterly as men spoke of me as
"luckv Lorraine
tried in every way to force the memory
OF Viola from my mind. For while-I
blush to say SOL drank to excess; Derhaps
hoped to kill myself In these and other
unworthy ways passed hall the year
lIeL came the reaction-the loathing of
sei-the 1isSust of the life was leading
s'ckeuec at the sight of my boon com.
panions. Every thing was WEAKNESS: moth
ing brought the flush of excitement to nv
cheek or carried me for a moment away
from my grief. Suddenly l turned nv
BACK upon all my pursuits / went down
to Herstal Abbey, which was now at nv
disposal, and, with as supreme a contempt
iof mankind as ever my predec ssor felt, I
buried myself even as he had d one
And people around said thai eccen-
trlcltv ran in families, and that Young
Mr., Lorraine was following in his fathers
steps.
But WHY during these months had | not
sou sht the excitement of revenginy mvself
upon the man who had wron ed me? Wby
nai not Kept my vow of killing him when
MS cream OF JOY was at its height? Simply
because knew not where to look for him.
ne and his no less guilty companion had
lett no trace behind them-no cl,,w that
might tie followed until it brought me face
W race with them. j had made inquiries.
ana inquiries were still being made on INV
tehalf; but as yet l had not discovered
Irants hiding place. He seemed to be a
man with, so far a. could ascertain. no
trends or connections. Miss Ros.iter with
whom it is possible he or Viola might have
corresDo I'd Il, died two days after the elope-
meht her brother found, but he could
give me no intelligence. Mr.. Monk, the So
ncitof aching, he said, on instructions. re-
FUSED 10 give ms any. So could do moth.
ing but grind nv teeth AMI long for the
nour when my path might once more cross
Lustace Grants I was fatalisC enough to
pen.
l lived on in the dreary solitude of Her
stai Abbey. Each day found me more
cynical and misanthropical; but each day
renewed my VOW of vengeance. Its ac-
complshment was the only thing in life to
winch could look forward When Grant
Jay dead at my feet, life for me would be at
an END So the months passed. IL the orig.
INA, Julian Lorraine could have seen me as
'as hour after hour brooding in his chair.