The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1886-07-16
THE TWO REPORTERS.
he Reader Mus, Decide which One

Once upon a line, says me baShtny-
ton critic. two reporters, seeking a
position on 4 great morning newspa-
per, with the largest circulation in the
world, as the ailidavits of the business
manager and office boy would testify.
were sent by the managing editor to q
distant and lonesome resort where this
president was enjoying his honeymoon.
in order that they might send back
competitive reports, whereby their re-
spective merits might be determined up
on and the place given to the moro
worthy. They arrived at the place at
2 O'Clock in the afternoon. and at
they saw the president emerge from his
cottage, walk down to u little bridge.
and return. After that nothing moro
was seen of him or his bride, nor could
any information be obtained. AT mid
night they handed their respective re-
ports to the telegraph operator, and
this is what the managing editor re-
ccved from the first man:
The president took 4 short walk to
the little bridge near the cottage and
returned. He has not been out OF the
house since All serene"
This is what the other man sent:
LAS the god of day sank behind tho
impending SUBMITS OF the Alleghanies
this afternoon. the newly created Ben
edict emerged from the beautiful cot
tagc in which he and his bride are pass
ing their blssful honeymoon fora short
stroll. He pulled the door of the cot
tage shut with his right hand. while in
his left he carried 4 stick. This stick
was three feet long and of rustic pat
tern. 1t had been cut in the mont.-
tains near the executive mansion. and
was still in its rough state, although
slightly whitfield round al the hand end.
1t was cut at 2:30 this afternoon. The
president took three steps and a half
across the piazza, and the half step of
the edge to the steps leading to the
ground. He wore Prince Albert coat
dark pants, lowcut shoes. and q silk
hat. AS he reached the walk in front
of the house. it was noticed that there
was Il wrinkle in the presidents pants
at each knee. and u small piece of string
chung delnsively to his left trouser leg.
There We're also five new and ineNpe-
rienced wrinkles in the narrative OF his
Prince Albert, and the conclusion in
stantlv forced itself upon your corrc-
spondcnts mind that the president, in
the excitement OF the moment, had sat
down on his coat-tails. One button al
so gave indications OF being loose, and
there were four wcll-dciined specks OF
dust on the collar little northwest of
the seam running across from the
shoulder. How these spccks accumulat-
nlN ,J,l a
cover, but HE ha, good reasons to be-
lieve the president shook them down
from the ceiling rs he slammed the
door in coming out of the cottage. He
walked slowly down the path in di-
rection leading TO the point which he de-
sired to reach, and faint smile was
seen playing over his features. This
smile was encored five times during the
presidents walk His right shoestring
hung down Il half inch lower than his
left shoestrng, but he did not stop to
change his toilet. His shoes were made
in New York and shipped TO Washing
ton by express -four week before the
wedding day, and they did not hurt his
feet. When he reached the bridge he
stopped an instant. then, setting his
right foot back of his left he slowly
turned around and retraced his steps
He look up into the clear sky on four
distinct occasions, but did not see any
thing there, because Il careful cxamina-
ton by your CORES spondent developed
the fact that there was nothing to see
He wore II white shirt and n white col
lar, and his neclitic was black and tied
III simple, plain bow knot with the
ends resting on the lapels of his
coat in contiding manner. He
noticed the white thread on his
left trouser leg just as he reach the cot
tage steps. and, bending down carefully,
he removed it and threw it into the
grass near the path. Your correspon-
dent aftcrward picked it up. and it was
found to be :, cotton ravcling off of Il
towel or napkin, and was an inch and
half long, with a small knot in one
end OF it. Tie president gave Il short
cough Is he went up the steps into the
cottage. His hair rs it showed under
his hat was smooth. with the exception
of one hair, which struggled somewhat
and there was one loose whisker IN his
mustache. His color was good and
his step was as steady rs a soldicr's s.
AS me reached the piazza Il fly lit on his
nose. 1t was only an ordinary house
fly. and the president. after one or two
Intellectual muscular contractions. rails
ed his right hand and brushed the
thoughticsS intruder away 1t flew off
in northeasterlv direction, and lit on
the railing Of the piazza. where it care
fully brushed its wings with its rear
hmbs, aS llics are wont to do. At ex-
actly 3:o4l O'Clock the president open
cd the door Of the cottage with his left
hand. stepped over She threshold, and
disappeared within the cottage
The managing editor carefully read
these two reports, and taking out his
writing materials indicted l.o letters
TO the reporters. One OF these said:
~ our services are not wanted' We
leave the reader to decide which repor-
! ter received this letter