Morris tribune., 1886-11-17
TEMPERANCE COLUMN.
EDITED BY THE w. G. +. u.
A CRANK'S ANSWER TO A FOOLS
OBJECTIONS.

Why don't you Temperance crdnks
enforce the La,Os zoe nOO hdUe"
How they do throw that question at
the "cranksn all oyer the country
My dear fool, it is easily answered. 1t
dosn't do any good. In the first place
the hammer of Disraeli's logic hit the
nail OH the head when he said: IA
traffic that is permitted by law has
the right to be protected and defended
by law" The laws 1--WE now have"
are your laws, not ours, dear fool. we
did not help to pass them, for they
merely ann ut restriction while they
permit life TO the traffic. They aim
at restriction-butt they don't hit 1t.
They don't come any closer to it than
the darby thought the cross-eyed
butcher would come to the bullock's
head, which The darby was holding
by the horns for the butcher to slaugh-
ter with the AK. "Boss," said the Al
rican, "you 'gwine to hit whar you
look?" "Certainly." "Then, golly,
you hold this beast yo'self." Why
don't you enforce your own laws?
When we get Prohibition then We'll
enforce it. But after you give man
the right to sell whisky, and he sells
it and the buyer drinks it, you can't
regulate or hinder the results, no
matter how strong the restrictive
features of the permisslve law may be
You might as we'll talk about regulat-
ing the gentleman who presides over
Sheol by tying one of Talmage's SER
mons to his caudal appendage. Your
little boy gets bit 10y your nelghoors
vicious dog. You have the neighbor
arrested for harboring such. II beast.
Good! The Mayor fines him $40 ana
costs. Better!! He orders police
man to kill the dog. Best!!! But
over the way yonder is the dog Of
drink. The vicious animal attacks
your boy, and so Injuries him that he
lies prone IN the gutter-his body Bit
ten, his mind bitten, his soul bitten.
Now you come along and say: go
to the laws; enforce them against the
keeper of the dog of drink" and you
send for the officer. Does lie arrest
Patsy MaGinnis, the dogs owner?
Not much, Mary Ann. He sees the
dogs chain and IL license that you
yourself helped to put about the dogs
neck back of the bar. What does he
do? He winks at McGinnis and ar
rests your boy. What for? For get
ting bit, my dear fool. The Mayor
fines him $40 and costs for standing so
close to the dog, and then he and you
and perhaps your minister, go next
day and elect McGinnis to the Board.
of Alderman, and the next week,
when your boy gets another bite, you
come whining to us to ask why we
don't enforce the laws we now have
They are laws to protect the saloon
keeper, Oh, tool, not to protect the
boy or the home, and that's why we
don't waste our time with them, but
rather are trying to get laws that will
work just the other way.
Why don't you carry on the Murphy
scork of pIedgiog? That is the only
aUork thai is effective"
The question shows that you never
have done much of that work your
self. Every Prohibitionist i'll the land
was born into the Prohibition party
out of the Murphy ranks. We tried
to kill the liquor traffic by getting the
boys to sign the pledge, thinking that
by taking the calf away the COW
would go dry; but just as sOor as we
got our calf to amble away, the
whikey-seller had another calf ready
to commence at the teat. In other
words, we found that while we were
educating drunkards to become sober
men the open saloons were educating
sober men to become drunkards.
Whenever we found a drunkard in
the hole of degradation, we lifted
him up and carried him to the
Murphy meeting, but we had to leave
the hole open, and before our backs
were turned, some one else fell into it.
We are still trying to save the drunk
ard, and we think the best way will
be to plug up that hole. Did you
hear of the lady who went into the
kitchen and found water six inches
deep on the floor, and Biddy Industri-
ously battling it up. "Why what's
the matter, Riddy ?" says the mistress,
Faith mum, some spalpeen left the
faucet open, and the water has been
running the whole night. I'm trying
to get rid of it, but the more I dip it
up and throw it out, the more it gets
higher, num-" "Well have you
turned the faucet off, Bridget?
"Glory to God!" cried the servant,
II never thought o. that" That was
our trouble, dear fool. We were bail
ing the boys out of the stream ofdrink,
while the open faucet of the legaiized
saloon kept the stream bank full all
the time. So now we carry the pledge
in one hand for the benefit of the i'll
dlvidual, and the ballot in the other
hand for the benefit of the State and
Nation. The one way half the victims
already wade; the other will "turn off
the faucet" and 50 stop the making
of other victims.
TO BE CONTINUED