Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1884-1886, 1886-05-14
DIDN'T KNOW aB'LE SIMS"
A GENTLEMAN FROM CENTlEMAfle-
VILE SEEKING INFORMATION.


Hotel Clerk and . Bartender Amuse
and Dumbfoand Hi0rIdiStie HilaRity
Growing Digni6sa-Nsvsr Heard -
the Rondout Terror.
The young man was evidently Student
from some suburban educational institution,
for he came in the hotel oface with that kick
a-dry- box into the street-and- put
shoemaker s-xign-over-ths-d0 ctorsdoor sort
Of an air that always goes hand in hand with
the pursuit of knowledge in rural halls OF
learning II the market price Of beer was 81
q glass, it would have bsen q safe bet that the
young man had the price Of ticket to Chi
cago, with sleeping-c car attachment, boarded
safely away in under his vest
There was no way Of telling whether be had
tarried long or not at the beer mug. but there
was no room for doubt that whoever had dal-
lied with the faucet in his behalf had daliied
e6ectually. The young man stood for q mo
ment by the door, and gazed at the clerks
desk as longingly as man could who bad to
shut one eye to gaze at all He evidently
thought that the clerk and the desk would
swing around to him presently. But they
didn't, and the youth finally braced himself
just in time to save himself. He rested his
dence Leaning forward, he addressed tho
clerk:
CHAT WITH THE CLERK
1Zennybody seen-hic-seen Bile Sims@
aid he @Zennybod seen mr.
II beg pardon" said the clerk, As he smil-
ingiy careened his ear over a little nearer to
his interrogator The young gentleman
from the rural home Of the classics looked at
the clerk in oneeyed uncertainty for mo-
ment, and then calculated:
~Huh!"
Il didn't exactly hear what you were say
ing, replied the clerk politely. Il didn't un-
derstand you"
@Uh, We didn't, heys" replied the youth, this
time disliainfully. @Ye didn't heys Stoe
bad! Didn't hear me, heyl Shli g'wout Z
buy yin ear trum-hic-'near trumpet! NJ
tallin' wild Injun, ram l . deafn dumt
Chinaman tryin' t'warble Welshl Jevves
800"
At this point q passing recollection Of some
thing funny fitted across tho young mans
mind, and he gave himself up for few SC
onds to that idiotic hilarity with which the
custodian OF a jag of beer sometimes froths
over. Then he smote the counter with his 6st
and rounded Oh his mirth with:
~Wh-e-e-e-e Jminiyi Hoe her down, Sal,
Eye blister heel!"
Then the young man slowly recovered him
self, and once more got the clerk in focus.
~Bussay, Gus" said he. SAY; '1ennybody
seen-oh. ye didn't hear me, huhi Who're
you, 'nyhowr
I'm the clerk, I" replied the patient party.
ooh, var heyr said the youth, after .
swaying and blinking survey Of the clerk.
CLERK, huhf Say, Biz clerkt, stand up'n sass
me! vi see BOUT! Whexx 6oor walkeri I
d;want'ny clerkt' ass-hic--A8 SINE; 'nwont-
avt Whezz floor walker."
aA-w-w.come or" said the clerk. ~You
burden me- Go take spin on the body
varde!'
The young man grew digni6ed.
LOCKER" said he. Il amt ny gilly, Pete.
'Stan'i Pm gelman from Gelmansville, nj
dwant ny back talk, I'm ge'lman Ny FAM
gs'lman, N my muzz ge'lman. All my
bruzz's ge'lmen, n so zan my siss'sl 'S.an'i
My family zall ge1-noi M wrong! All but
Ike" said the youth, again bordering ON lev
ity MY bruss Ike snow gs'lman. Bruu
Ikes a lawyerl Hay, cullyi Broth Iks's q
" i
INTERVIEWING THE BARTENDER
The clerk was neither wild him nor agin
him He declined the flowing bowl but
steered the young man to the refreshment
bazaar
"H'lo.' said the youth, as be wobbled up
and put out his hand to shake with the bar
tender "How is't, gov'norr
sway up!" said the bartender. "Four sto-
ries and mansard, tin shingles on the roof"
Good 'noughf" rejoined the gentleman
from Gentlemansville. I'm open mother
boil Se'mmup!"
"Mumm or Piperl- asked the bartender,
-or a small Widowf
@Beer!" replied the youth Dol Q beer"
bad as thatl" said the bartender. 3Aint
you little reckless this evening, senatorr
"Za'ssall right, Gully" the young man as
Eured the bartender "Zassal right Says
Seen Bile Smis' t'night"
.Who"
@Ble Smis. Bill, Bill, ly, ly-B'le; Smi
Bile Smis Seen INF"
~Ohl Smith, Smith. No, I amt seen
him, replied the bartender. @Don't know
him-never heard of him.
The young man had his glass half way to
his mouth. He held it poised in air for a
and then placed it on the bar He
opened both eyes aud stared at the bartender
He was SPECIFICS for q minute, and then be
aid:
Don't know himl Never heardviml Dom
know Bile Smisl Wh'azzis rve-hic-Pve
struck Never heartl'v the Rondout terrori
Say. He licked Toppy Grogan in one round.
n Toppy-saNs wh'ram 1. Dom know the
lemon slugger'v the coal docksi Bile Smis
he bog t slung keg o. beer 'nside'vim in
IN fort-hic-fort'nine mince by the clock n
hen ate the glass n here's dufYer't never
heard VIM
The young man finished his beer Then he
eaned on the bar in dazed sort Of way. BY
md by he said:
aSelz it, That SELF i'll This cuny's play'd
nut. 'Sno use tryin' to be 'nybodyl Tmor'
say Pc-hic-Petey. T'mor' 1 quit Don,
Know Bile Smis, Never heard'viml Petey,
.mor' hire out fr missionary, NIL go down
h grave peddlin' fial shirts to the izzens %
he Sou-hic-Sou Sea islan's. Say, gov'nor.
s drown fge'fulness in the fowin' howl
Bile Smis slugged tn life out o. Toppy Gro
IAN, heres man tnever heard vim! Gov
s fgst drownfulness In howin'
owl! Semmupi"-New York Sun.
g..