The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1886-04-15
monitomof pilot.
THURSDAY, APRIL Is, 1886.
WIT AND HUMOR.

The Philadelphia Ne,cs the other day
headed a department what Philadel-
phia Editors Think 1t occupied one
eighth of a column.-PucE.
Young wife-'-John, mother says she
wants to be cremated" Young husband
Tell her if she'll get on her things
I'll take her down this morning. lid
BITS.
4 little urchin asked his mother
difficult question and got the answer:
Il don't know" WELL" said he. Il
think mothers ought to know. They
ought to be we'll educated or else have
an encyclopedia ''-Bosto1, Record.
Washington Belle (to young naval
officer)-'.I suppose the hardships of
your life at times, Lieut.. Sinecure, are
simply frightful?n Lieut. Sinecure-
"Ya' as, very. The cost of gold braid
alone is something fearful. IN 7.
Sun.
'.Is Jim Billiard hangin' round these
parts nowadays?" asked a passenger
from car window of Dakota citizen.
Jim was hangin' round last week,
stranger" did you see him?' 20,
yes; I had hold of the rope."-N y
Sun.
Mother, what is an angelo" my dear.
it is a little girl with wings who flies. !"
"But heard papa telling the governess
| yesterday she was an angel. viii she
fy?" '-Yes, my dear, she will fly away
the first thing tomorrow. :" - Vanity
Fair.
A young lady cashier in st. Louis
| dry-goods house tried to get away with
$1,000 by hiding it in her bustle-a
! plan not open to gentleman cashiers for
obvious reasons. She probably wished
to have good financial backing.-N.
Y. Tribune.
According to Geographic reports the
peach crop along the Hudson" has
been ruined three times already since
! the first of the year. 1t is feared that
another cold spell will kill it if it should
again be left out doors all night.-Nor-
ristoaOn Herald.
The hardest thing in this world to
please is woman. Mr.. Young of Wa
basha, Mimi, locked his wife in the
house; Mr.. Potts of Pepin, Wis, locked
women have sued for divorce
(Mass.) Transcript.
A little 4-year-old miss on the East
Side, toddling upstairs the other day,
noticed that the servant had removed
the carpet from her room and was
scrubbing the floor. Said she: Hello,
Rosa. has you moved your kitchen floor
upstairs? ''-Butalo Courier.
A clever Albany girl who was at
Ridgefield the other night was asked
what her sensations were when she shot
down the toboggan chute for the first
time. at was delightful" she ex-
claimed enthusiastically; II thought
was dying. albany Journal.
They say Mark Twain is worth
great deal of money remarked a cas-
ual caller yesterday. YES" replied
the horse editor, Mark always has an
eye to the dollar" That is to say"
Clipped in the snake editor, Twain is
sort of a dollar Mark. n-Pittsburg
Chronicle.
Scene, Paris. Time, three weeks ago
Every stupid here this winter, eh, old
fellow?' '.Deucedly. Let's do some
thing to have some fun-a circus; any
thing, YOU know" "All right Say
we get up party and 60 to New York
to take in the French all."-Philadel-
phia NesoS.
Mrs. Southworth, the woman suffrag-
list, says: MEN are constantly becom-
ing more like women. They don't fight
now when they get mad at each other. ="
Sometimes they don't, but then they do
not generally get revenge by accusing
their enemy of wearing a last seasons
| hot - Savannah (E0 Nome
How did you break off your front
teethpn asked a visitor of the same
small boy. Il didn't break EN-" re-
piled the youngster. Il was just fool
ing a teenty bit with horses tail in the
street up at c.. The man that pick
ed me up got his hands and vest awful
bloody. 1t wasn't my fault Boston
Record.
A Northampton County schoolmarm
gives the following sentence from the
pen of her youngest and brightest schol-
ar, gwen in answer to the request:
, "Write in twenty words definition of
Man" 1t read thus: MAN is an ami
NAL that stands up; he is not very big,
and he has to work for living.-Allen-
toaon (Pa.) Register.
you say that you have played Mac
bethp" said a New York theatrical
manager to an applicant for position.
81 have acted the role of Macbeth four
teen times" well, let me hear you
repeat his defiance to Macduff" 20, |
never got so far as that The audience
always made me quit before got to
that part. "-Teras Stftings.
Two seconds wait upon their princi-
pal to give him an account of their mis-
sion to his adversary. "You will fight
with pistols Twin the pistols be load
edT' "Parbleu, of course" with
bullets?" Certainly, yesn' Their prin-
cipal frowns. with bullets! But l
only meant friendly encounter, and
not combat Of savages. Parts Ga
ltgnant.
Robbie went to church last Sunday
and was very proud when his mother
let him put a shining silver quarter into
the contribution-box. But the deacon
had hardly got to the next pew before
Robbie remarked in disguised tone,
audible clear up to the pulpit: ''Say,
mamma, he didn't notice that quarter
any more than if it was only just q
cent? SomerUilLe (NasS.) Journal.
| AL AHeflcdu ScIculISl is trying 10
discover some means of making shells
of eggs transparent without injury to
their membraneous lining. He is en-
gagged in very laudable undertaking,
and it is hoped he will succeed. man
need not then waste good egg in the
reception of an amateur Hamlet He
very seldom does to be sure; but he
can't always tell.-Norristos0n Herald.
Six-year-cld Mary NJ. informed the
family few days ago that she wished
to go to church Sunday, as she was in
terested in what would be said. After
much persuasion she was induced to say
that she ''spected after the men and
women had sung the minister would get
up and say: The Progressive Whist
Club will meet with Mrs NJ. next We'd
nesday night "-Leu0iston (Ae.) Jour