Daily Republican., 1886-09-15

The moth exhibits much taste in
dress.
Suspended animation-The girl in
the hammock.
The great trouble with the buzz saw
is that it never wears false teeth.
Idiosyncrasy of the English Ian
guage: Why is it that u man is said
to leave the earth just the moment he
enters il?
'Is that dog ferocious2" SAID a trav-
eler to an Arkansas man. mo, he
amt ferocious, but he's the darndest
dog to bite ever you Seed"
This is world of disappointments
sny way. Some people are disappoint
ed in love, and good many more are
disappointed in mar. iage.
In the excavations at Pompeii man
was found on his hands and knees.
We were not aware that the collar
button was of such early origin.
1t is about time for somebody among
the back seats to rise up and remark
that the mosquito bar, like the cam
paign lie, is made out of whole cloth.
At the horticultural exhibition. He:
"This is lime tree, Clara. But you
are not looking" She: "Yes Charles,
1 see it, but was wondering how they
extracted the mortar from it,"
In the country. A young woman
PUSHES breathlessly into the house of
her friends. THANK fortune, my dear,
we are going 10 Paris at last! Papa
has been bitten by mad dogw
An Ohio female teacher who is but
% years of age can talk seven lam
guages, yet she may wink and wink
at the clerk at the soda water fountain
and he wouldn't understand her.
The versatile Boston girl. He (ten-
derly): "And what did you think of
the engagement ring | sent you,
JeDnie?' She (delighted): "Oh! it
! is beautiful; in TACT, the handsomest
one had ever given to me-"
"What has become of my boot
jackr said Towser savagely as he
knocked things about. 81 had it last
might" Its on the mantelpiece, re
piled Mrs. Towser. ~ covered it with
plush to-day and painted some flowers
on it. Isn't it lovely?'
A fashionable young man lately pre-
scented his sweetheart with a string of
pearls. AS she hung them joyously
about her neck a cloud came over her
brow and she cried: "Beloved, do not
pearls betoken tears?" Don't fear, 5"
was the response; "them's imitation. >
"Do you like winter, Mr.. Litewait?'
"Not very much, Freddy" "Then
why do you always go buggy riding
! ON cold dayy' Il don't, what makes
you think so?" "Why, sister Clara
said it would be cold day when you
offered to take any girl buggy riding"
Tomlinson: -"Good-bye, Miss Flea
nor" But you've already said good
bye to me, Mr. Tomlinson." Tom lin.
son (who is always ready for some
pretty specify: "Have ], really?
Well, one can't do pleasant thing too
often, you knowl"
The water carts of Lowell are deco
rated with patent medicine advertise
ments. An innocent Irishman from
the rural districts looked at one the
other day and remarkedi "Faith, no
wonder Lowell is healthy when they
water the streets with IS sarsapa-
rilla."
Young wifc--"I'm determined to
learn at just what hour my husband
comes home at night; yet, do what |
will | cannot keep awake, and he is
always careful not to make particle
OF noise. Is there any drug which
produces wakefulness?" Old wife
No need to buy drugs. Sprinkle the
floor with lacks"
A little girl, who is just at the age
when her table manners are beginning
TO be looked after, called out at supper
one night recently. "Give me some"
GLOW do you ask" said mamma, cor
rectlvely. PLEASE give me some
cake" returned the little miss, and
and added, unabashed II didn't tor
get. | was saving it up"
A wealthy New Yorker had engaged
splendid cottage at Newport, and
also new driver for his horses. The
driver was advised to be very polite If
he intended to keep his place. Accord
! ingly, when The master went to the
Queen Anne stable the following dia-
logue ensued: Mastcr--"Well, John,
how are the horses" Coachman-
"Fhey are quite well, sir, thank you,
and how are your
The bright six-year old son of a
genial clergyman had been engaged
with some of his friends in wrong
doing, and he was called into the
house in circumstances that seemed
ominous. did you get thrashed?"
inquired one of his matter OF fact COM
panlons the next day Well, yes |
did" admitted the young philosopher;
"but | should have got off all hight if
there'd been anything for supper that
father liked"
Two friends met the other day.
"llave you been ill?" asked the first.
"You cont look we'll" Yes, l am
not feeling altogether right. The fact
is | have consulted three physicians,
and they don't seem to agree on the
cause of my malady." "How is thar"
Well, the first s id had consumption,
and the second heart disease" "And|
what did the third tell your "Oh, he
gave me to understand what the third
one always does, that the other two
were asses!"
A little boy visited his aunt in the!
country not long since. One day, at
the dinner table, the old lady COM
planned that a jar of favorite preserves
had mysteriously disappeared from the
pantry. Each one present disclaimed
any knowledge of the fact, except the
little boy, who remained studously
silent. At length, being asked if he