Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1886-02-07
oRIENTA MONOPOLY.
"Joe Cephus" on Floods, From
Down to Our Own.

"Joe Cephus" on Floods, From
Down to Our Own.
For The Sunday REGISTER.
There may have been q time when the
world was free of sel6shness and the other
grasping, withdrawing, tyEanizing
attributes and ambitions of to-day there
may have been q time when perfect peace
and happiness reigned; when every man
on earth loved his neighbor as himself, and
more if possible; when man would hunt
OPPORTUNITIES to do a favor for his brother
and pay q premium for the privilege; when
fair dealing was the highest virtue of the
people, and all men perfectly satisfied with
their station and condition, but all my re-
searches fail to disclose that period.
Close corporations and grinding monoP,
olies, institutions which enrich the few and
~impoyerish the many, are nearly as old as
the world itself. Now, Noah was a mon
%ouolist, the greatest and wealthiest Of his
time. BE controlled sll the shipping and
commerce on the high seas, and all other
firms and competitors had to go under.
MANY of Noah's schemes and transactions
have passed into history and are quoted to
this day. ,
Noah's food and the Ohio river food Of
"a are unparalleled in the,line of,incidents,
accidents and sensations -both creating
psnics, crashes and d%epreciating real es-
tate. Real estate went 80 low that dealers
could not handle it. There is another sim.
ilarity as 10 the opinion and Judgment OF
the people; those of the former flood would
not believe the water would reach such an
unprecedented stage, neither would the cit
liens of Wheeling Island, inciud;
ing McGregors COW, several
pianos and other live stock,
but in both cases they erred 10 not depend
ing more upon the signal service reports
and less on the opinions of old river men.
Noah's food was pre-arranged, our flood
was an accident. One was caused by too
much wickedness among the people, the
other by too much snow in the Allegheny
mountains. ,
Noah had been previously warned and
had made all preparations for the big rise,
His neighbors laughed and made fun OF
him, thinking he was cranky and supersti-
tious, but he, like Davy Crockett, knowing
he was right, whooped right along. de
built q boat, not quite so large or elegant
" equipped as the Great Eastern, but in
other respects she was a grand craft. She
WAS not intended for a first class passenger
packet, but more as a stock trans
port, in fact, there was only
| room in the main cabin for
Capt. Noah and his folks. 1t was a fam
lily ~affair,sa close corporation, 30 to speak.
Neither money nor political Influence
could buy a seat in that powerful ex-
change. People who had voted as if they
owned the earth had been self.reiiant, ar
rogant and proud; they had INDUCED their
passions in the commissions of every vice
and crime, were now alarmed and penl'
tent They saw that they were about to
be swallowed up and were willing to pay
any price, even for standing room, in this
institution commonly known as the Ark;
but whatever his personal feelings may
have been Noah could not, according 10
his contract, accommodate them. All
unoccupied space must be retained for the
animals, and humanity must swim or
down. So according to notice previously
served by posting a copy Of the summons
at the various county seats, polling places
and postofices, the heterogeneous, COM
pick, multitarious and colossal aggregation
of natural curiosities arrives on time at
the main entrance in psirs-thers Was not
three of a kind. And like the members
of the West Virginia Legislature, they all
had free passes for forty days, or until the
excursion should land. The engagement
was for the trip, with extension TIL such
time as the mud dried up and the walking
got good.
When this floating geological garden
was classified and arranged the doors were
barred and the wet weather set IL.
For six weeks all open pursuits and
pleasures were abandoned among the peo'
pie VINO did not 20 on the excursion, and
they were soon far from comfortable OF
happy in their homes, even second storie.
became u~ntenantable owing to the exces
sive dampuess. Sickness and death be
came epidemic, physicians and drug store;
we're unavailable, not a family escaped the
scourge, except Noah's folks, they stood
it fret rate, also the 200 came out il
good shape.
All kinds of business was ruined, and R'
there wGs no marine insurance at thai
time, the people lost all they had including
their lives. This ancient historical event
furnishes the ground work of our modern
political economy, that is, where the sup
ply is largely in excess Of the demand
though the commodity be as common
az water, there is bound to b.
depression, suspension OF business aud sui
fyrlng,
After the great freshet had subsided anc
the waters receded to their usual and prop
err channel and begun business nt the ole
staud, Noah concluded to land, disem5srl
aud unload the live stock. He landed W
among the mountaius in order to let thC
dew get of the grass in the values below
before going down to pre-empt all the lanC
worth having. This was the first greG
land grabbing scheme developed.
The gang plank was lowered, also tn,
trunks, band-boxes and baggage of th,
ladies, including large Qualities of heav,
silk, point lace, Partisan gloves, diamond
and brio a.brac, all of which passed free o
custom duties. The custom house wa
closed and the officers gone.
Noah was first to step ashore, followed
by Mrs. Noah and the children. Next tn,
happy family came walking down, but be
fore dissolving and repairing to their for
uer haunts and habits, and desiring t
: give expression to their gratitude anc
pleasure, they gathered around Noah
heartily shook hands with and congratu
U lated him upon the success Of his manage
ment. lie was completely surprised ant
! confused when the elephant, he being tn
: most commanding figure in the company
: ore who had been previously selected 70
: this purpose, stepped forward and briefly
| gracefully and eloquently in behalf of tn,
t animals, presented Captain Noah with al
embossed set of complimentary resolutions
, q fine Swiss watch, hunting case, a gold
, headed care, and mary other mementoe
of their high regard and appreciation.
Noah responded with much feeling, il
/ fact, his language was SO incoherent ths
tho reporter could not take down hi