News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1886-02-18
TERMS $3.50.
VERY PARTICULAR.

VERY PARTICULAR.
A lady on o Rock Island train the
other day had dog with her, which
seemed to be out of sorts about
something, and disturbed the passengers
not little by its whining. At length
man who sat in the next seat forward
faced about and said:
"Is'the little fellow sicz2"
ooh, no." said his mistress; 'Tbut
think he wants drink of water"
''Then will get him some,n said the
gent, good naturedly, as he took cup
from his satchel and started to go to the
cooler.
Hold ont" exclaimed the lady with
alarm, as she handed him cup of her
own. "Take this, please. l am very
particular what cup my dog drinks out
Of"
After watering the pup, the stranger
went into the smoker and offered the
brakeman a quarter 10 4>icl~ hhii'-
Chicago Herald.
HE PITIED HIM.
Newsboy-Paper, sir2
Irascible Old Gentleman-No; don't
read the papers.
Newsboy (commlseratingly) = H'ml
That so2 Too bad. My eddication wuz
neglected, too, when I wuz. little fel-
Ter, but l pulled up for it by goin' to
night school and learnin' to read.-Bos-
ton Courier.
PREcoCIoUs YOUTH.
"What are you waiting for, little boy9"
inquired a kindly old gentleman of a
street urchin who was watching each
passer-by intently.
'Waitin' fer a long-whiskered gent
smokin' seegar. Then I'll foller him
an git the stub"
"Do long -whiskered men smoke bet
ter cigars2"
"Naw, but dey don't smoke 'em so
short"
Ice is king. Hark the ring-steel and
laughter music bring. Off they go
through the snow, jolly skaters-belle
and beau. Happy boy, maiden coy,
plumber, iceman, full of joy; million.
aire, lady faire, gliding, whirling, happy
paire. Eyes so true, noses blue, glisten,
sparkle-pas de deux. Kick up heels,
joyous squeals. All, what life the
skater feelsl IN 2. Journal.
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
WHEN burglar prizes open safe and
does not find prize, it is disagreeable
surprise.
81 CAN give you cold bite" said the
woman, "Why not warm it up1" asked
the tramp. ''There amt any wood
sawed.p "That so3 Well, give 1t me
cold"
THE song says: ''There are no birds
in last years nest" And it is mighty
lucky for the birds, tool They would
have frozen to death during the present
cold spell.
81 CONSIDER him bold, arrogant
man" eyes, know he is now, but he
won't be very long" "And why not,
should like to know2" "He is to be
married next week"
D1o LEWIS thinks people should go to
phisticated doctor doesn't appear to be
aware that it is between those hours
that all the fun comes off.
a STAT isrISI->E~ tr-.s e.I<IIIs,seeI 1I,at :,
man spends 50 per year more for clothes
than q woman. That is easily explained.
give woman more to spend.
PLANTATION PHILOSOPHY FOR ED1ToRs.
Yer ken make mo- enemies by dom
favors den yer ken by refusin' 'em. FL
yer wants er pusson ter hate yer, put
him un'er oblergations ter yer.
CUSTOMER Tin ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
this chicken soup has feathers in 1t.
Waiter-Yes, sah If yo' want soup
made outen chickens dat am old 'nough
to be bald, sab, yo'll have to go to some
odder establishment.
AS train was pulling out of Palmyra
a New York beer brewer said to the
conductor. "What kind OF vines are
those, conductor2 l have noticed
great many of them since leaving Bata-
vla.n ''Hop vines, " said the conductor
A WASHINGTON correspondent swears
that but one man on the House Com
mittee on Shipbuilding ever saw big
ship. That's all right. We want our
public men to be independent and un-
preiudiced. CLeUeland Plain Dealer.
STupENT-I have been thinking upon
the subject of the alarming prevalence
of divorces, and l almost believe | have
discovered the cause. Professor lde-
lightedly)-Yes, yes; what is ita Stu
dent-Marriage,
"MAMMA," said little girl, ''what Is
that man doing over there on Mr.
Thompsoff's porch2 He has been sitting
on the steps for two hours and half
and hasn't moved" "That, my child,
is house painter. He is painting Mr..
Thompson's house by the day."
"YoU know that stylish Lily Wildcap
who visited US last summer2" asks
Miss -. ayes, J." replied her friend.
"Well, she's married." "Did she make
a great catch2" 81 should say so. She
caught a widower with $3.50 and
three children. The youngest child
caught the measles at school, the oldest
caught the scarlet fever ut Sunday
school, tho second caught tho whooping
cough, the husband went to Montreal
and caught the smallpox, and Lily
nursed all of them and caught all OF
them"
|