Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-09-22
4 THRILLISG TALE.
Mr.. william Nye Tells Of Memorable
Fourth Of July Experience.

citizens ITO make arrangements for a
proper observation of the regular
national day which marks the onward
marcl, Of freedom" We selected a
proper place, hired lumber enough,
with pitch on it, to make seats, secured
a slender, long-waisted Texas shoat,
named Phallas, to act Ms creased pig,
hired band from town. got q young
woman with tall head and twenty
ounce pippin Adams apple to read the
Declaration Of Independence, and then
we began TO cast about us for a good,
strong-voiced orator, who would remain
tolerably sober till he had made his
speech. We looked the ground over
pretty well, and at last decided to call
Col. Braley, of the Sage Hen Rancho.
/ call him Col. Braley because itsuits
my purpose better TO call him Col. Bra
ley. The gentleman to whom refer
is still alive and l would like to be
also.
Therefore call him Col Braley.
We wrote to the Colonel pleasing
note, in which We referred to his genial
manners, his great popularity, and his
good sense upon matters that would
naturally interest the people of our sec
ton. We told him it was the general
wish that he would favor us on that oc-
casion, and we hoped for an early and
satisfactory reply.
In two days We received the follow
ing, as well as am able to recall it at
this date;
SAGE HEN, RANCH, June q, 1887.
M. Chairman and gentlemen ofthe Fourth Of
July C0nunttte.
Your favor regarding speech upon
the grounds near the old Buffalo
Waller, on the Fourth of July, is re-
ceived. / am no speaker on such an
occasion as that, and l therefore beg
to be excused. There is only about
one man in ten thousand who can make
good Fourth Of July speech. and he
is not, as general thing, good for any
thing else.
In the first place I don't seem to have
the necessary voice. have tried it
once and did not succeed. he major
ity of the crowd went home mad. be-
cause they couldn't hear and the bal
ance went home mad because they
could.
So ] haven't got the voice. / can
stand over on Roundtop No. . and talk
to the foreman on No, 4, easy enough,
but I can't talk against Sabbath
school loaded with fire-crackers.
Moreover, gentlemen, l am not a
ready thinker under these circum-
stances. / am man of fair business
Judgment, or else l couldn't have ac-
cumulated $500 head of No four
year Odds worth $50 apiece in Omaha
with nothing to begin on five years ago
but condemned government mule and
hopeful disposition. You will admit
that as financier am no SLOUGH, when
/ tell you that in all that five years the
assessor has never got near enough to
hold n conversation with me or to sock
valuation on my herd.
But it takes different kind of ge-
MUS to snatch great big pieces out of
the atmosphere and pound pine table
and zip and yell for the starry banner
free. So l will just politely ask you to
be SO kind as to excuse me.
Years ago tried it when was young
and didn't know any better. Now /
have acquired sense and refrain
The trouble with me is that when l
get up on my feet to talk to large and
perspiring throng of people my idees
are like bunch of cattle in the stock
yard, for instance The whole blame
crowd want to skin through the shute
and be loaded into the same car at the
same minute, or else they won't con
demned one Of EN- agree to be loaded.
That's the best way can express it.
I've either got idees enough to load a
car, all at once, faster than | can get
rid of EN-, or else / can't think of a
blamed thing. Still, continuing to
carry out the comparison, gentlemen,
l want to say to you that have also had
a big fat, five-year-old Maverick idee
get wedged into my head when l tried
to make speech, and it would neither
go ahead into the speech nor back out
for five minutes You can fancy a man
Of my position in society standing up
before mob of his fellow-men and
twisting the tail Of reluctant idee till
he is red in the face!
l tell you, gentlemen of the commit
tee, money don't pay man for such a
mental strain as that. Five dollars and
d large drink do not recompense him.
j therefore say to you, gentlemen, take
your money. take your rum, and avaunt |!
/ say it politely and courteously, but l
say to you in low, passionate tones, /
wish you would avaunt and remain that
way as long as possible.
i love my country, gentleman, and l
love the dear old flag. You don't hear
me brag about it, though its nothing to
be ashamed of, but l have fought for
that flag when, if had listened to the
voice of conscience, would have gone
to Canada.
/ have marched along the endless
dusty roads of the South with large
seal-brown musket ON my shoulder, for
days and days, without seeing anything
to shoot. / have slept in the bottom of
a trench, night after night, expecting
every time that would take my break
fast next morning in the New Jerusa-
lem. All this have done because l
thought it was right, and think so yet.
l am in favor of freedom, gentlemen,
though think that good many don't
know what to do with it when they get
it, but | am not good off hand extern
poraneous speaker on the Fourth of
July.
I am with you in the spirit on that
day. ! will bow my head when you
open the exercises with prayer. i will
hum with you in a low, gutteral tone
when the glee club sings America. I
will pause in my labors while the Dec
laration Of Independence is being Kissed
out through the clenched teeth of a
young, scared-to-death elocutionist,
who seems to be afraid of the cars /
will suffer with you in spirit, through
the long, hot grafton, filed with patri-
otism and pcrspiration, but / cannot be
there. ] will think of you, and / will
indorse anything you may say regard
ing Freedom from her mountain
or STARRY Banner Free" or
any Of those things. but to stand up be-
fore my fellow-citizens and fan the air
with the tail of an alpaca buster, and
yell my larnyx loose over a large,
mass of freedom, of which we