Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1886-07-07

We hear of peoples seeking by pub
lie advertisement for a suitable partner
in marriage, but who ever heard of any
ones advertising for a friend? Yet
why not? Every one, it is likely, has
in mind some more or less vague ideal
of the absolutely perfect comrade.
May he not be supposed to exist some
where, and to be in the habit Of read
ing a daily newspaper or n monthly
magazine? Go to! let us seek him,
then, by appropriate advertisement.
Something in this wise would it run +?
WANTED, q Friend! The undersigned,
having existed in comparative solitude
long enough to experience a pretty
keen desire for some one to whom to
say, "How sweet is solitude! pr and hav.
ing as yet met no one who exactly salts
fies his idea, would beg hereby to an
nounce his need. The applicant must
be rather old, in order to be fitted to
give advice-a limited amount of it
wisely; and at tho same time rather
young, in order to receive it in liberal
quantity and in a meek frame of mind.
He must be of medium height, intel
lectually, and in the enjoyment of ro-
bust spiritual health. A written
guarantee must be given of freedom
from all contagious defects Of character.
He must be a thoroughly disillusioned
and advanced person, and yet be able
to sympathize with any little illusions
or superstitions of the subscriber.
"His heart must be full of love for
men in the abstract, but entirely de-
void. as yet, of affection for any par
ticular one of them. He should, how
ever, be able to exhibit satisfactory
scars of early love affairs, and a more
or less scorched aspect of spirit from
some previous period of ,celt-schmerz.
Thus he will be ready to shed furtiye
tears at any pathetic fragments of auto
biography the subscriber may mingle
in his conversation. He will also be
expected to look unutterable things
when his W past in general is alluded
to, but never to mention any of it in
tiresome detail. His memory must be
enriched with portions of the sub
scriber's writings, which he will quote
on frequent occasions with o happy spon-
taneity; and he must hold the unbiased
opinion that his friend is the greatest
violin amatuer, marine painter, poet,
polo player, and master of English
prose style of our own or any other
time. He must be on similar intimate
terms with several other equally, or al
most equally, important p~ersonages,
whose private affairs he will communi-
cate, and whom he will back bite to
the subscriber in an entertaining man.
ner.
1.-The applicant must undertake that,
when they dine together at restaurants,
he will never order the viands, in re-
turn for which concession he will from
time to time be permitted to pay the
bill. In walking on public streets, the
applicant will carry his face well turned
round and his ears pricked up toward
the subscriber, so as to hear him easily
without forcing him to deviate from
the fixed carriage of his own head, so
necessary to his conception of himself
MS a masterful and positive character.
The same rule will be adhered to in
~conversing together in the cars,
especially when the subscriber chooses
to keep his W face turned away to-
ward the window, and still to continue
speaking in his ordinary low and digni-
fled tone of voice. The applicant must
have inherited or acquired a fondness
for hearing manuscript read, and will
never commit tho indiscretion of at
tempting to read any of his own. For
this and other good reasons,-N. B.
no person of the literary class need APP
ply."-AVantic Monthly.