Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1886-06-01
INCREA SING.

A tired speculator says he finds nothing
increases now except the young mems trous-
ers.-Boston Courier.
Mistress of the house Ito girl applying for
position)-"I suppose you have good refer
ences?" Servant Indeed I have, ma'am. 1
was in my place three years and they
gave me a time allowance of nine months for
good behavior. ."-PueK.
The Rev. j. H. Cason, Graham, Texas,
said: sI am thinking of going North to beg
and save money to aid in building two Bap
tist churches in Texas. What would you ad-
vises' We advised him to take with him
enough to pay his expenses back.-Richmond
Religious Herald.
When Mrs. Pinaphor, who is a little near
sighted, read about the formation of $50
eiety for Psychic Research" she remarked
that she thought such an organization was
entirely unnecessary as a maR could find al
the physic he wanted in any drug store
Norristown Herald.
A mathematical calculation has shown that
if the muscles of man were relatively as
strong as those of flea he could throw a
book agent two miles. The same calculation
might also show that the agent could throw
his voice and the book at man for a dis
tance of four miles. What then?-Philadel-
phia Call.
1t was Freddy's first experience with soda
water. Drinking his glass with perhaps un
due eagerness, he was aware of a tinkling
sensation in his nostrils. ''How do you like
it?" inquired his mother, who had stood
treat. Freddy thought moment, wrinkling
his nose as he did SO, and then observed: sit
tastes like you foots was asleep."-New York
Tribune.
Three weeks ago an Indians man taught
his dog, very finely bred, well-behaved
setter, to chew tobacco. Now the dog comes
into the house by the back door, never
scrapes his feet on the mat, never goes to
church, is careless at his meals, gets burs in
| his tail, goes with lower grade of dogs,
and it is feared that he is beginning to take
| an interest in politics.-Brooklyn Eagle.
| Three gentlemen went together into a
| Philadelphia restaurant and gave their order.
Presently they changed their minds, and one
of them said to the waiter: Il say, waiter
we three ordered CLAIMS while ago, didn't
| we2 Well, we have changed our minds. In
stead of CLAIMS bring three chops" The
waiter said ''An right" and then loudly
called to the cook: ''Three chops for the
three clamsl"-Texas Siftings.
Two young mechanics who are domiciled
in an East side boarding house recently
caused quite futter among the ladies of
the house by coming to the dinner table in
their shirt sleeves. The feminine sticklers
for etiquette demurred at the display of
clean white linen and complained to the
landlady. This worthy notified the offend
ers that the breach of decorum would not be
| tolerated The matter was under discussion
at the supper table, when, to the horror of
the prudes, in walked the two boys, not in
their shirt sleeves, indeed, but with arms as
sleeveless as on the day they were born
Buffalo Courier.
Here lies man. the medium CRIED
''Who says ten years ago he died;
He gives the name of Andrew Long. >.
At once sprang from his seat,
And waved his arms and stamped his feot-
Then wept amid the motley throng
'sOh, Andrew-Andrew Long, say,
Why did you leave this world, pray?"
Then to the audience quoth he:
'sOh, pardon me- cannot hide
Ny grief. Had Andrew Long not died
Then my wife would his wife be-
Chicago Rambler.